Chapter Text
PANDORA
1978
Pandora collapsed on the hard stone the small islet was composed of. She was sobbing, begging the shadow beside her to stop. Her face was contorted in a painful grimace. The rock broke into the skin of her knees. Blood leaking from the scratches on her hands. The blonde was struggling against an invisible pain. Something that burned her inside. Pandora looked up to the cavern ceiling.
No way out.
She had to stay there and suffer. And then there was the thirst. She had never experienced such a feeling.
The shadow next to her made her drink this liquid which only increased the pain and thirst. How could a liquid make you so thirsty? She didn’t know. But the young girl crawled towards the mass of water surrounding her. Pandora cups her hands to grab some and begins to drink. The water, dead calm, began to move but the blonde couldn't make out anything. The irrepressible urge to drink was driving her.
Gently, several hands then came out of the water. They grabbed the young Lestrange’s wrists and pulled her until she fell into the water.
The sweet feeling that Pandora felt was quickly replaced by terror as she saw the surface slowly moving away from her. Water filled her mouth, reaching her lungs. She couldn't breathe anymore. She was drowning and the creatures that inhabited this cave were dragging her to the bottom. After a few seconds, the only thing she noticed was the silence.
A peaceful silence surrounding her and the cold water numbing her limbs.
She was no longer in pain.
She was no longer afraid.
The water calmed down and Pandora closed her eyes.
***
Pandora had slipped silently into the dormitory's bathroom. Her nightgown was sticky with sweat and she only seemed to manage calming her breath seconds later. The night was already well advanced but she had no desire to go back to sleep. She runs her hands again under cold water again to finish calm down. Pandora massages her legs and arms while sitting on the floor tiles. She still hurts, as if what she had dreamed about had indeed reached her.
Pandora sat there massaging her aching limbs for a while before getting up. The regular breathing of her classmates indicated that no one had risen during her eventful awakening. Doubt in hier eyes, she wondered if she should go back to sleep. But the young woman didn't seem to be in a hurry to go back to bed. She kicks her slippers which could have protected her from the cold. No matter, she wanted to feel this breeze that kept her awake.
Wand in hand, Pandora exits the dorm without a sound. Only one floor separates it from the boys' dormitory. The eighteen steps she took every day seemed to have somehow grown as she felt the journey was longer. She couldn't wake the others, even if they wouldn't be so surprised to see the young Lestrange show up in the middle of the night in their dormitory. The almost dormant fire crackled in the stove, it gave a warm side to the place.
Pandora stood for a moment watching the embers burn the last log. Despite the heat that emanated from it, the Slytherin shivered. She couldn't get rid of it since she woke up. Pandora tore her gaze away from the fire before heading to the bed at the far end of the dormitory. It was surrounded by thick curtains which guaranteed a certain kind of intimacy. Regulus was the only one drawing them, the others didn't seem as keen on personal space that these fabrics could offer.
Pandora poked her head between the curtains, seeing nothing but darkness. The peaceful breath of his friend soothed the young woman.
He breathes. He is alive.
She repeats these two statements to herself several times. Her nightmare seemed so real that it took her a moment to realize it was all in her head. With relief, Dora creeps into Black's bed and slips herself under the sheets. She had been doing this for so long the boy didn't wake up when she brushed the tip of her icy nose against his neck. Pandora places her hand on his chest, the other one going to her own chest.
She could feel their two hearts beating.
Regulus' arms enveloped her, a sign that he had awakened a little.
"Dora? What are you doing here ? he said in a sleepy voice.
- I missed you. I just wanted to see you."
Just a whisper. Pandora knew that Regulus heard her, and if it weren't so dark, she could made out that little wrinkle between his friend's eyebrows, proof of his puzzlement. They had known each other for so long that she was unable to lie in a believable way. He frees himself a little to give her more space and himself time to wake up a bit more before speaking again.
"You had another nightmare, didn't you? You want to talk about it ?"
Pandora shook her head. Talking about her dream would only make all these impressions very real.
The pressure of water on her skin, the icy bite seeping into her. The hands holding her underwater.
Just thinking about it, Pandora contained a shudder of dread. She pressed herself more against Regulus. The heat emanating from him was not enough to warm her. Nothing would be. Not in the next few hours. He was patient. She felt that he wanted her to talk, to confide in him as it has always been. But how was she supposed to tell him what she had seen?
" It was just a bad dream. Not anything worth to talk about."
And yet. Was it really a dream? The doubt grew more and more.
The older she got, the more realistic it was. Pandora still felt like the hard stone was sinking into her kneecaps. Despite the soft blanket and Regulus' arms, she didn't feel comfortable. Eventually she straightened herself to a sitting position.
Regulus' attention was entirely on her.
The crackling of the wood stove broke the silence that had settled. Dora didn’t know where to start. She knew he wouldn't find her foolish but her own dreams were beginning to frighten her. Professor Cavarnus warned her. She had a gift she had to deal with but Pandora was terrified of being, indeed, capable of such a thing.
“Or maybe it wasn’t just a dream. I hope it was but..."
Chin on his knees, Regulus ran his hand over the young woman's back. The tension under the boy's fingers alerted him. He straightened himself and brought his face closer to his friend’s. Pandora took another breath before she spoke again:
" It seemed so real. I was drowning. And at the same time… It didn't feel like it was me. There were my hands, my knees but I had the feeling that it was not really my body. When I woke up, I was convinced that everything I had dreamed of had happened to you. I know it's silly, you know how to swim and I didn't see you clearly in my dream. But I find it hard to believe I was only sleeping.
– Dora, you were scared and you came to see me, that's all. No one is going to drown and especially not me, you know I'm a good swimmer.
- I was forced to stay underwater. Knowing how to swim wouldn’t have helped."
Seeing Pandora's serious expression, Regulus kissed her cheek and kept on reassuring her. He kept telling her that it was just an overly realistic nightmare and that no one was going to drown him by force without suffering the consequences. At least, it made her friend laugh.
She had no doubt he wasn't one to give up.
Dora let herself be rocked against him. Whatever the outcome of her dream, nothing had happened yet and they were both safe.
" You can stay here. We can sleep together. You'll see, everything will be fine tomorrow, Regulus said reassuringly. We'll go for a walk in the village during the day if you want to. We can seek Professor Cavarnus if you prefer. He may be able to tell you if it was premonitory or not. He will tell you that it was only a nightmare, you’ll see."
Pandora again laid down properly with Reg. The two friends hugged again. He was right. She should go to the Divination teacher to clear this up. The young woman knew deep down that Regulus did not really believe in such things, however, he always took care to reassure and advise her.
She played with the wizard's hair for a while. Not feeling sleepy, she just hoped for the sun to come up soon.
The boy ended up distracting her by talking about the Quidditch match that took place soon. In the early morning, the first rays of sunshine were filtering through the thick curtains around the bed. Pandora slipped out of bed without waking up Reg.
"Did you have another nightmare?"
She didn't expect Barty to be awake yet.
This same question.
Everyone knew that Pandora had trouble sleeping.
Her dark circles bore witness, even when people did not know. She turns to him and watches him invite her to come to his bed with a wave of his hand. It was too early for breakfast to be in the Great Hall so she decided to join him under the blanket.
"I'm not allowed to come without a reason?
- Yes, but it's not your type. And anyway I heard you. You weren’t as quiet this time.
- I just dreamed I had bad grades. Exam stress I guess."
Pandora watched for his reaction but nothing came. Surely he knew she was lying. After a few years hanging out with him, she had come to know Barty better. He was sparing his words but his silence always invited others to speak.
Less down to earth than Regulus but mostly unpredictable. The blonde settled herself by laying against him, answering to his silence with the same treatment. Maybe he’d understand but her instinct told her not to trust him completely.
She had this feeling that what she had dreamed of should not be known by the Death Eaters.
Chapter Text
REGULUS
Frebuary 1990
A scream echoed throughout the house. A child's cry. Regulus opened his eyes abruptly, his every breath burning his lungs. That sweltering heat rippling through every inch of his skin, like a blazing fire he'd been thrown into. However, he couldn't move. A lingering smell of jasmine and thyme tickled his nose. This combination was familiar but everything remained blurry around him. Before thinking, he had to move first.
Focus. First the fingers. Then the hands…
He just needed to reconnect with his body. Like he did after a nightmare. One after the other, his members began to obey him.
He was laying on a soft blanket keeping him from touching the table. Breathing steadily, he could still hear the cries of a little girl, from a distance this time. It seems to be outside when he could have sworn she had been right beside him a moment ago.
How long has it been since the cry? A long while ago from what his headache was telling.
Regulus tried to prop himself on his elbows to figure out where he was. The room looked like the dungeon where the potions class was held but he wasn't in Hogwarts. The place was too bright and the various colorful reflections on the wall gave it a magical atmosphere.
His body still numb, Regulus turned to try and swing his legs in the air but his moves were still messy. He drops from the table where he was laying, the short fall making him pucker.
His whole body was in pain.
Merlin, how long was he on that damn table for? He had no memory of how he got here and the only thing he really wanted was to quench his thirst. His parched throat and damaged lips testified to severe dehydration. One hand on the table, Regulus struggles to get up. His legs were still weak and couldn't support his meager weight without knowing the reason. Despite everything, each breath infused him with more energy and lucidity.
The wizard rushes to the sink he just saw. The feeling of water in his throat brought back his last memories.
Cave.
The horcrux.
Searching for Kreacher by his side, Regulus froze in fear.
Pandora.
Was it her scream? No, he could still hear the little girl in the distance. Facing this spectacle, Regulus drops to the ground again alongside his friend to pull her against him.
A sudden panic got to his throat. The young man couldn't cry, his eyes still too dry.
She was so cold, her skin gray and dull. How long had she been there? The young Black's fingers tried to find Pandora's pulse but only a deathly hardness answered.
The wizard was fully panicking now. He then tried desperately to give her a cardiac massage but he had to face the facts. The young woman was withering under his fingers while colors gradually came back to his face.
"What did you do Dora? What's happening ?"
He witnessed helplessly a form of magic he couldn’t fathom.
Life was leaving her body while he felt more alive than ever. He had to come to terms with the idea that his childhood friend was dead and he couldn't help but feel guilty, not being able to help her. He couldn’t understand the situation and tears managed to roll down his cheeks while those of the blonde hollowed out visibly.
Soon there was nothing left of Pandora apart from the clothes she wore.
"Pandora?!"
A male voice coming from a few floors below jolted Regulus out of this bereaved lethargy. He had to leave, his instinct told him he had to go as soon as possible without him knowing exactly why.
He struggled getting up while Pandora's bones turned to dust.
A letter stood on the table where he had woken up earlier. The elegant handwriting left no doubt as to the identity of the person who had written it " For the exclusive attention of R.A.B " on a thick envelope.
He knew he had to leave but he couldn't take his eyes off the clothes Dora was wearing. Footsteps on the stairs finally made him hurry.
Regulus grabbed the envelope, his wand lying next to him when a blonde man came into the room.
"Regulus?"
His voice was filled with both surprise and panic. He didn't dwell on the wizard, too confused to face what was happening. Regulus glanced at a blonde girl watching him from the doorway before making the decision to Apparate.
*
Apparating took more effort than he expected. If his stomach wasn't empty, he probably would have vomited everything he had. One hand on the wall for balance.
12 Grimmauld Place was only a shadow of its former self.
Regulus was still too weak but he understood something was wrong. He remembered perfectly leaving the place the day before and the house was not in this state of abandonment.
What happened?
While making his way into the long corridor giving access to the stairs, a noise coming from the kitchen gave him a bit of hope to finally understand what went down here. He moves further towards the source of the noise. He took his wand, placing Pandora's letter in his cape, he arrives in front of an elf banging his forehead against the large stove.
"Kreacher."
Regulus was surprised at the sound of his own voice but obviously not as much as the house-elf facing him. Terror could be read in his eyes as well as unnamed relief.
"Master Regulus is alive? Master Regulus is mad at Kreacher? Kreacher failed to destroy the necklace. Kreacher was unable to prevent Pandora Lestrange from going into the cave. Kreacher deserves a punishment for disappointing Master Regulus."
The house-elf went back to banging his forehead against the stove. Regulus struggled to stop him, his arms now wrapped around Kreacher's puny body.
He didn't understand what was going on.
The last thing he remembered were rough seas and the quiet of a dreamless night.
"Calm down and tell me what's going on. Where are mother and father?"
The elf's thick dark blood was dripping down the floor. Kneeling at the creature's height, the boy insisted that he answer his question.
“They are dead, Master Regulus. Master Black died 7 years ago from a heart attack. And Mistress Black died 10 years ago. Mistress Black was very sad after your death. Inconsolable she was. The heartbreak killed her. Kreacher couldn't tell her anything. Kreacher didn't know. Forgive Kreacher, Master. Kreacher did what he could."
Shock could be seen on Regulus's face. His parents died 10 years ago?
It’s impossible.
He himself was very much alive. His mother couldn’t have died of grief following his loss. He had seen her yesterday. Before leaving for the cave. All of this was impossible.
Pandora's aging face, the state of the mansion, Kreacher's posture...
Everything showed that time had passed. Why did he have no memory then?
Regulus gets up to drop in one of the chairs in the kitchen. With shaking hands, he opens Pandora's letter. It takes him long minutes of reading before letting the parchment slip through his fingers.
The informations these lines held crushed Regulus with all their weight. Lord Voldemort disappeared after killing James and Lily Potter.
The only survivor was a baby, James's son.
Her friend doubted the mage's demise, speculating that it was only a matter of time before he returned thanks to the Horcruxes he created.
More information was there. Pandora recovered Regulus’s body thanks to Kreacher and sought a way to reverse the process which transformed him into an Inferi.
The young man did not have the strength to continue his reading. He rolled up his sleeve.
The Mark was almost gone.
It was proof that Lord Voldemort was weak enough to no longer be able to make it work. Regulus felt like he was suffocating.
His brain could not properly take in all the information he just read. It could only be a bad dream. So much had happened in ten years. He failed to stop the war. He failed and everyone he knew had to pay the price. James was dead as was Evan. Barty didn’t make it out of Azkaban and Pandora died without him being able to protect her.
The necklace that served as an Horcrux to the Dark Mage had not been destroyed. He at least had the advantage of it still being in his possession. Voldemort wouldn't come back so easily. Regulus feared that there were other horcruxes but at the moment, it was only an hypothesis yet to be confirmed by Pandora.
Regulus knew that his resurrection would not remain a secret for long but he was hoping to have enough time to investigate as much as possible. However, he had to reconnect with some people even if it did not delight him. The first person he should contact was the last one he saw before leaving for the cave. Albus Dumbledore.
Kreacher had prepared a sandwich and some pumpkin juice to put next to the young man. At this moment, he realized that he was starving to death. Once he gulped his makeshift meal, Regulus stares at the Elf and asks him to prepare a bath and clean clothes for him.
Once alone, he picked the parchment up again and read the first lines at least a dozen times.
He had to focus on every piece of information his late friend left him and find a solution to fix everything. He closes the parchment and goes upstairs with the will to store it in his room. But Regulus stood in front of the door.
What had become of this room since his disappearance? Maybe it wasn't his room anymore.
One look down the hall and he could make out the half-open door to Sirius' old room.
Sirius.
Pandora did not mention him in her letter. As if to be certain, Regulus glanced again at the delicate curls of his friend's handwriting.
No mention.
He was surely dead like all the others. This hypothesis pinched his heart.
He couldn't help but think that if James was dead, Sirius had gone the same way. It was the harsh reality of things, his brother was always closer to Potter than to his own little brother. For him, the last time he had seen Sirius was not so long ago, however, the dust in the atmosphere testified to the time that had really passed.
Regulus couldn't get into his room. Seeing the posters glorifying Death Eater ideologies and other artifacts he had placed to avoid arousing suspicion would make him sick. Instead, he got to his big brother's room. He didn't know what to expect there but it was a better option than his own room.
As surprising as it was, nothing had changed.
Even though Kreacher obviously tried to tidy up this room as much as possible, the broken foot of the bed, the torn posters, the burnt sheets were the vestiges of their mother's rage.
He remembered the time Walburga worked hard on shattering everything here. Regulus was barely fifteen years old, he just lost his brother and had to watch his mother destroy all that was left of him without saying a word. It was the only time his father really intervened and managed to calm her down before she set the whole house on fire.
Everything was still crystal clear in his head.
When his parents left the room, he entered it. The burning smell still embalmed the room, so much so that it almost caused him an asthma attack. Regulus collected some of his brother’s t-shirts that escaped the fire. He never admitted it, no one knew about it. Though he felt betrayed and heartbroken, Regulus failed to mourn his elder.
He had always found this room much more reassuring than the rest of the house. And it still was. It reminded him of Sirius' reassuring presence.
Even today, he found some comfort there. The young man sits on the edge of the bed, dust rising in the air. The piece of furniture was wobbly because of the broken foot. Now that his parents were gone, he could fix it with a flick of his wand. Coughing a little, he waved the dust away before picking up the cracked frame from the nightstand.
A picture of them two. Regulus was barely nine on this one. It was taken during the Christmas holidays. Sirius had just returned from Hogwarts and Regulus insisted on having a picture with him. In the end, it was Sirius who kept it.
At least, until he ran away from home.
At that point, he could have taken the picture again but he was too resentful to do so. Maybe he should have done things differently back then but it seemed so far away now.
"Master Regulus’s bath is ready."
At first, the wizard put the frame behind his back as if caught in the act. It took him a few seconds to realize that no one was going to punish him for being in that room. He takes the frame back and gives it to Kreacher.
“I want you to fix this place. And put this frame in my room."
Regulus left the room to go into the bathroom. He needed to wash himself and above all else to look at himself in a mirror.
He wondered if his body had remained the same. He had to realize that the person looking back at him was indeed himself.
His hair was long. Too long. He had sunken cheeks and a dull complexion, as if he didn’t see the sun for several years – which he probably had. Undressing, he examines every part of his body before entering his bath.
Since waking up, it was the first moment he took for himself.
He then let himself mourn the death of Pandora, James and the others. The changes in his life. Regulus lets it all out.
What did he do to deserve to live? Why did Pandora do such a thing?
He didn't feel worthy.
The mark on his arm was enough blatant evidence of what he had done. Even though he was a spy for the order, he had to kill more than one person to earn that mark and Lord Voldemort's trust. His mark might have a faded side that testified to the strength of the dark magic still present, Regulus could no longer bear to see it.
He already tried to get rid of it, the scars on his skin proof of it but nothing had helped.
He eventually gets out of the tub. He had to pull himself together. Pandora had offered him a second chance at the expanse of her life. He had no intention of sullying her memory by ignoring his duty. Regulus grabbed a pair of scissors and started cutting his hair.
He couldn't let go.
He had to pull himself together.
If he already had reasons to annihilate Lord Voldemort, he was more determined than ever to resume his mission and carry it out.
Regulus Black was back and he intended to show it to the world.
Chapter Text
REGULUS
“The tea is delicious.”
Regulus had been staring at the wizard in front of him for several minutes. Albus Dumbledore was quick to respond positively to his invitation.
They were sitting in the main living room of the Black house which had regained some of its grandeur.
Kreacher prepared mint and spice tea as well as cinnamon cookies. Regulus didn't know what to expect when the mage came to Grimmauld Place, but the headmaster's nonchalant attitude didn't really make him feel better.
The wizard had always been impressed by Dumbledore's presence and the latter did not change since the last time he had seen him.
He still bore that long gray beard and his half-moon shaped glasses. Regulus always suspected him of wearing those glasses for some other reason than to help his sight. The two wizards sat there for about twenty minutes, discussing tea, the weather and the house but Regulus's return had still not been discussed, nor the reason for the old wizard’s visit.
“Won't you ask why I made you come?” Regulus said in an annoyed tone.
Patience was never his forte and he did not intend to endure the strange atmosphere that had settled in any longer. He didn't know what game the Headmaster of Hogwarts was playing but he didn't like it. He had no time to waste on this kind of feigned politeness.
Regulus was not one to beat around the bush and he needed answers.
Dumbledore was one person he could trust. After all, he helped him before.
Could he help him now as well?
There was not a single reason for them to act as if the situation they found themselves in was ordinary. The mage looked at him over his famous half-moon glasses for a long time before putting his cup down.
“I must tell you that I was somewhat… disturbed when I received your letter. I have a lot of questions myself. Escaping death after so many years is surprising. But tell me why you called me here. I have to admit, your letter remained pretty evasive on the matter", Albus said, weighing his every word.
The conversation could begin.
Regulus recognized the wizard’s reassuring tone and it comforted him in the idea that he had done well in contacting him. He noticed the astonishment in Dumbledore's voice.
Understandable after all.
Upon his return, Regulus asked Kreacher what happened after he went into the cave. He found himself with a copy of the Daily Prophet that his mother had kept a moment later.
January 16th, 1980 –
After weeks of research held by the Missing Persons Squad, Regulus Black is pronounced dead at the regrettable age of 18. According to a reliable source, the search led them to a rock on the English coast where the aurors found a jacket and a pair of shoes belonging to the missing person. Despite numerous requests from the Black family, the investigations are closed and the death is official. Without a body, a wake will take place this Friday, January 18, 1980, followed by a funeral. The entire editorial team joins the loss and pain of the Black family.
Attached to the article, a picture of him taken during the Hogwarts Quidditch Cup a few months before his disappearance. His body was never found and how could it be?
The cave was only accessible if you were a secret keeper. Only then did it appear. Afterwards, you had to make a blood sacrifice to access it. A whole process that the aurors were unaware of.
Apart from Pandora, no one knew where he was heading or even why and his friend was bound by an inviolable oath that prevented her from speaking about it.
Despite the Gazette officially declaring him dead, the more plausible case was that Regulus stayed in hiding rather than coming back from the dead – even if that was the case.
Hearing the headmaster talk about escaping death kind of tipped him off.
He must have known more than he was letting on.
It could not be otherwise. No known magic could bring someone back from the dead. Reversing the process that transforms a wizard into an inferi was already complex enough as it is. For the time being, Regulus pretended he didn’t notice, giving him the benefit of the doubt.
“I learned about Lord Voldemort’s demise and the death of James and Lily. I want to know where their son is. Harry. It is said that this boy single-handedly overthrew the most powerful mage of our time. It doesn't feel right to me that he is being put in the hands of just anyone."
"Young Harry Potter is safe, if that is what worries you. I made sure of that personally.” Dumbledore's tone sounded odd.
Regulus detected some form of distrust in it.
Maybe that was what worried him.
His instinct told him something was wrong.
When you grow up with manipulative parents, you end up recognizing their peers.
Finishing his tea, Regulus puts his cup down and stares at the man in front of him. He felt like a game of chess was being played.
James' son's mention was something that made Albus anxious, he was well aware of that. It comforted him in the idea that he had to know more about this child.
"He's not safe anywhere. If he is responsible for the downfall of the Dark Lord, few people will be able to protect him. Especially if James and Lily did not survive themselves. Evan has to be looking for him and he's not one to give up. Neither is Bella. You know it. They will do anything to find this child."
"I'm sorry to tell you this but Evan Rosier died in 1981. As for your cousin Bellatrix, she's in Azkaban with your brother. So I assure you, Harry Potter is safe.”
Evan was dead? Regulus always thought his friend was invincible. He was the type to survive anything. It was impossible for such a thing to happen.
And Sirius was in jail. He wasn't dead.
The wizard had trouble keeping a straight face in front of the headmaster.
He had just lost a pawn in his game.
Regulus should have known that Dumbledore would have more information than him. And he used it well. In a few sentences, he managed to turn the conversation around. But if Albus thought he was going to give up, he was wrong. Regulus was determined to get the information he needed. If he showed any weaknesses, it would be over.
The Black heir was much smarter than he wanted to show and above all, he was stubborn.
“Given my doubts, I would like to make sure he is okay. Can you tell me where I need to go?”
The headmaster eventually gets up, followed by Regulus.
A silent fight was happening.
He didn't understand Dumbledore's motives but he would find out.
Even before he opened his mouth, Regulus knew he was going to be turned down. Finding this little one wouldn't be as easy as he had thought.
Naively, he had thought that Dumbledore was going to help him but he wouldn’t, apparently.
For reasons he didn't know, the Headmaster wanted Harry to be the priority.
“Unfortunately, for his protection, I cannot reveal this information. I am happy to see that you are well but I have to go, a school can not run itself and I must not be away too long. Looking forward to coming for tea on occasion.”
With these last words which did not leave room for Regulus to bounce back, the mage leaves the living room and recovers his cape.
He made his decision on leaving and nothing could hold him back. He leads him to the door to exchange a few courtesies and closes the door behind him. The young man glanced at Kreacher who came to give Dumbledore's cloak.
Regulus needed alcohol to get over this interview.
He then returned to the living room to pour himself a drink and plopped down heavily on the couch.
It was no more than 4 p.m. and he wanted to get drunk until he passed out.
Regulus couldn’t handle losing and being made a fool and Dumbledore just did everything he hated.
He drank one glass after the other, watching Kreacher put more wood on the hearth.
If you think Dumbledore is at best unaware, at worst the instigator, you are wrong .
Regulus didn't expect to remember this.
When Marlene said those words to him, he had been skeptical. The headmaster was on the good side. He was the one who helped the Order. The one many people put their hopes on when the war was at its peak. He understood why she thought that, the McKinnons never trusted Dumbledore. At the time he just thought she was not trying to make up her own mind, as if he had his own.
And yet, Regulus increasingly agreed with this opinion.
It only took a few minutes discussing with the mage to get a definite no.
Why did he absolutely want to keep Harry's existence as unknown as possible, even from the people who wanted to protect him?
Dumbledore knew things and he wasn't going to help him.
He perhaps was suspicious but he didn’t know why. He definitely tried to destabilize him by announcing Evan's death.
One of his oldest friends was dead. It wasn't all that surprising when you took the time to think about it, extreme as he was but Regulus felt more and more overwhelmed by what the war had caused.
The alcohol was starting to take its toll on him but it didn't relax him.
To him, only a few days had passed since he got into that cave when in reality almost nine years passed.
The only – almost – good news was that Sirius was alive. But wouldn’t it be better if he died? Azkaban was not a place where it felt good to live. Regulus wondered how he landed there, what he had done to end up in this prison.
If Regulus' loneliness didn't completely take over him, it wasn't that far off.
There was nothing left.
No one.
Merlin, what was the good in living if there was no one left to support him, to surround him?
He stared at his empty glass.
But there was someone.
Harry.
He had to focus on finding this kid. He was James Potter's blood. He couldn't leave him.
Finishing his drink in one go, the wizard closed his eyes.
Here was back at the starting point. But he wasn't going to give up hope.
If he had to cling to anything, it was this child.
He couldn't let Voldemort get away with it.
But before that, Regulus had to get straight on what happened. Dumbledore unsettled him with what he said and he didn't want to be surprised anymore. Failing to make up for the ten years of publication of the Gazette he missed, he ended up calling Kreacher.
The house elf was still attached to the Black family and he must have already quite a bit of information to give him.
It was quite a good start.
Chapter Text
Regulus spent the next days learning about everything that happened.
He wasn't particularly keen on having missed all that. He couldn't help but think that if he had been there, things might have been different.
He was convinced that if he hadn't disappeared, Evan would have survived his encounter with Mad-Eye. He would have offered to be the secret keeper for James and Lily.
No one would have suspected him.
Unfortunately, he could not rewrite history, only influence what was to come now.
Putting down the Daily Gazette on the coffee table, he grabbed his whisky to bottom it up. A small article mentioned Pandora’s disappearance. Her husband, a man called Xenophilius Lovegood was the main suspect in the case. He claimed he was innocent, stating that Pandora was dead but, without a body, the investigation could not go on.
Regulus hoped that her husband wouldn't connect his wife's disappearance with him. He had other worries than trying to prove his innocence – especially since he had a part in this story–.
He turned to Kreacher when he heard the doorbell ring, he wasn't expecting anyone. The House-elf slipped away to open it, Reg setting his empty glass down next to the Daily Gazette. He retrieved his wand resting on the armchair and got up. Hearing voices in the hallway, he immediately recognized the aurors robes when they entered the living room.
Had Xenophilius spoken of him?
Probable.
He just hoped he could manage to be convincing enough not to be locked up.
“Regulus Black, sir, please hand over your wand and follow us.
- On which account ?”
Regulus was suspicious. Used to the Ministry's arbitrary system in the 70s, he wasn't going to follow them just because they asked.
“You were declared dead ten years ago following up on your disappearance. The Office in charge of the investigation wishes to speak with you as soon as possible.”
Dumbledore.
It had to be him if the information didn't come from Xenophilius. He knew the headmaster had spilled the beans to the Ministry, they wouldn't be here otherwise, Regulus having been pretty discreet. However, it would not be clever to refuse following them.
They had nothing against him. Pandora had been clear in her letter, she protected Regulus until she found a way to counter the effects of dark magic and restore his appearance.
He had therefore spent the last ten years of his life in a hidden cave not far from Pandora's house.
He gives his wand to one of them and grabs his cape.
"Well, let's go then. I have other plans for the day.”
*
The ministry didn't change that much. He recalled going there to follow his father, Orion, when he was hanging out there.
Walking with his head held high, Regulus stared straight ahead as he walked through the Main Hall. People were staring at him, he could feel it.
It was in these moments that he remembered the importance of the Black Family.
With Sirius gone, Regulus was the sole living heir and seeing him in the halls of the Ministry would soon spark rumors if it didn’t already. He would no longer be able to act as he wanted.
Unconsciously, he looked around for people he might have known. Some faces were familiar but he couldn't wrap his tongue on their names.
In a few minutes, the wizard arrived in one of the interrogation rooms. He had to walk past a small crowd in the hallway whispering as he passed by. If he thought that the rumor of his sudden reappearance had not yet crossed the whole ministry, proof was that it already had. Walking past them, he noticed an old comrade of his and husband of one of his cousins: Lucius Malfoy.
He couldn't talk to him though, the auror shoving him inside the room before closing the door behind him.
“Sit down, Mr. Black. Would you like a cup of tea?
- No, thanks.”
Having used such a method himself when he worked for Voldemort, Regulus knew very well that veritaserum could – completely unintentionally, of course – be slipped into his drink. He refused to be fooled by such a childish ploy.
Maybe was he too suspicious but he preferred that than being at the mercy of the Ministry's questions.
Sitting down in one of the metal chairs, he glanced impatiently at the auror beside him. He just couldn't wait for it to be over and go home.
"How long is it going to take ? I don't have time for this.”
Regulus deliberately acted bitterly. He didn't need to force this trait, he was a natural. The auror was old enough to remember the importance of House Black and Reg was planning on toying with that fact.
It was one of the only perks belonging to the main branch of the most powerful family in the United Kingdom. His mere presence was intimidating.
The wizard felt that if he got on like this, he could get out pretty quickly.
“Just enough time for you to answer a few questions. You have been missing for almost a decade and considering your family, we take this very seriously. Where have you been all these years?
- I don't know.
- You do not know. Do you think you've suffered an oblivion spell?
- Are you really asking this? If I had suffered such a fate, I would not remember it. That's the whole appeal, isn’t it?”
The wizard was annoyed by such stupid questions.
Aren't aurors supposed to be part of the magical elite?
The inspector looked a little unsettled but the wizard didn't care. He was wasting Regulus’ time and wasn’t trying to hide it. He tapped his fingers on the table without taking his eyes off him.
He had nothing to say to them and made it perfectly clear each time the man questioned him, each as uninteresting as the following one.
"Good. I’m taking notes of all we have said. I'll leave you for a moment to send the report and I'll bring you your wand back.”
Finding himself alone in the room, Regulus threw his head back in a long sigh. If Dumbledore had hoped the Ministry would keep him within these walls, he greatly underestimated the fact that Regulus knew how to be as insufferable as he was authoritarian.
He sat up properly when Bartemius Crouch Sr entered the room.
That was a surprise.
Perhaps he underestimated Dumbledore.
The two men stared at each other for a long time. Both seemed to glare at each other before starting to talk.
Regulus never liked Barty's father.
He remembered very well what his friend told him about his father. During these last few days, Regulus learned about everything he missed.
Crouch Sr arrested his own son and that Barty had fallen ill in Azkaban. Being of fragile composition, it was hardly surprising.
Bartemius had done nothing to get his son out of jail.
Barty died there.
If it was up to Regulus, he would have made him pay for the hurt he had caused his best friend.
However, he had to be smarter than that.
Revenge always came to those patient enough to wait for it.
“Regulus. I wanted to come and see you with my own eyes.
- I don’t think I have given you the right to talk to me with such familiarity. Show some respect for the heir of the Black family.”
The tense smile on the Director of the Department of Justice's face showed that he was not used to receiving this kind of remarks. Regulus knew he held nothing against him and could afford this sort of thing. He decided to aggravate him more to see if he would crack.
“Are you here to arrest me like you did your son?
– Bartemius made his choice. I only did my job. I'm not going to arrest you unless you give me a reason to. I just wanted to make sure it was really you.
- Well, it’s really me.”
Regulus stood straight. He had the upper hand.
He followed his father enough to know which category of people Bartemius Sr. belonged to.
A follower who wanted to be a leader.
He had crushed his own family to reach this spot but Regulus would be happy to knock him off his pedestal.
His counterpart’s shoulders went back to normal after sagging slightly.
"Do you know how we heard you were back? Albus Dumbledore sent us this information himself. How come the headmaster of Hogwarts got this information before we did?”
– Is it illegal to correspond with him? In which case, I don't see the need to answer this question.”
Well, it was now certain that Dumbledore did spill the beans. He was pretty sure it wasn’t an accident. The mage intended to slow his research on Harry down and put obstacles in his way. Regulus looked at Bartemius.
He was probably thinking he had regained control of the situation.
It was pretty naive of him… Not considering the fact that Dumbledore was in on it.
Regulus finally carried on:
“I sent a letter to Albus Dumbledore because I did not know who to talk to. I didn't know what happened so I contacted Hogwarts’ headmaster. I must have suffered an oblivion spell, as your colleague cleverly pointed out. There was corruption in the Ministry walls at the time. You would know, since you reached this place thanks to the investigations identifying the traitors. Congratulations, by the way. Judging by your silence, I assume that you have nothing to keep me here so I will leave.”
Regulus finally stood up, considering that the discussion was over.
At the same time, the auror who went to get his wand entered the room to give it back to him.
The timing was perfect and Reg could see Crouch Sr's forehead vein swelling from annoyance. The humiliation was complete.
He did not try to hold back the young Black.
Once in the hallway, Regulus let out a sigh. He heard someone quicken their pace behind him and turned to see Lucius coming up to him.
“Regulus? Regulus is that really you?
- Obviously.”
The Black heir just wanted to get away from the Ministry. He did not want to drag on and therefore did not slow down.
He had practiced Lucius long enough to know he would be trying to use his presence to shine, to show off. What a better way to do that than to invite Regulus to come to his place, taking care to have some eavesdroppers nearby to spread the rumor of the friendship between them. Regulus ended up accepting, thinking it would be an opportunity to see Narcissa again.
He wasn't doing this for Lucius' reputation, far from it. Malfoy also didn't know where Reg's allegiance went, it would be an opportunity to get some information from him.
*
The Malfoy Manor hadn't changed a bit. The driveway leading to the house was impeccably maintained. Large hedges were delimiting the estate, many flower beds added colorful touches all around the mansion. It was pearl gray, blending with the sky’s color.
Regulus kept walking then stopped to look at the fountain in front of the mansion. He looked up at the statue, it was a copy of Eirene carrying Ploutos.
He could, without a doubt, tell that Narcissa had a say in this, the statue wasn't originally there.
He knew very well that his cousin loved mythology and everything related to it.
Once inside, he felt a lump forming in his stomach. He didn’t wonder about the reunion with Narcissa while on the way to come here, but now that he was in the hall, he wondered how it was going to go.
He gave his cloak to the house-elf and reached the parlor, guided by Lucius.
“By Salazar Slytherin!”
A voice he knew very well.
Narcissa.
She stormed into the living room, out of breath.
If the doubt he might have felt a few moments before would have made him leave, seeing his cousin warmed his heart. She was as beautiful as ever, maybe even more so now. The Blacks weren't one to show any feelings or be tactile but when Narcissa took him in her arms, it was like nothing else in the world mattered anymore.
He hugged her back tightly, feeling the tears welling up in his eyes.
He blamed himself for not trying to contact her immediately, he had been too ashamed to do so.
After a few moments, the woman pulled back a bit and took his hands in hers.
“I want to know everything, Regulus. We looked for you for weeks. Even after your father told us to give up, I never lost hope. Even... Even Andromeda helped us.”
Knowing that they carried on looking for him broke his heart but, in a selfish way, he was also happy about it.
The fact that some members of his family loved him enough to seek him out. The involvement of his disowned cousin Andromeda was another proof he mattered to them both.
Regulus could see that her sister’s mention had upset Narcissa a bit. He felt the same way thinking about Sirius. They had more in common than could meet the eye.
"I can't say anything, I don't know what happened. But I'm happy to be back.”
Lucius seemed to be stamping his feet in the corner of the room. Perhaps he was expecting another answer, some sort of exclusivity. But he was mistaken, Regulus was not going to give anything to Malfoy. He was convinced that Lucius was ready to do anything to be in Voldemort and his followers’ good graces, he had already shown it in the past and would not hesitate to do it again.
Parting with Cissy, Regulus smiled at her when a third person entered the room.
A young boy, as blond as Lucius was with Narcissa’s angular face.
The child had Black blood in his veins, he could tell. Introductions didn't need to be made, the fact that the child was his cousin's was more than obvious.
“Regulus, this is my son, Draco.”
She walked over to her son, gently cupping his face in her hands, as if she was seeing her son for the first time in ages. She quickly explained who Regulus was before letting go and urging him to get closer. Reg reached out his hand to shake the little one’s.
It was strange to him, seeing a new generation forming. It was in these kinds of moments that he realized how much time had passed. Narcissa ran her hand through her son’s blonde hair and sent him back to his homework in his bedroom.
“ He looks like you.
- Really ? I always thought he looked more like Lucius."
The latter joins them, leaving the corner of the room in which he had, it seems, taken refuge. He was full of pride hearing Narcissa say that Draco looked like him.
It was untrue, it was as visible as the nose on a face that the young boy was a carbon copy of his mother. Still, Narcissa didn’t seem to want to see it. Regulus never had much affection for Malfoy.
The only thing he had going for him was loving Narcissa, at least it was at the time.
"Regulus, are you sure you don't remember anything? Rumors about you have been circulating. Rumors that were not favoring you.”
The Malfoys exchanged a look. Cissy didn't look happy that her husband insisted on bringing up the rumors. Regulus nodded to Narcissa, notifying that everything was fine.
He knew very well that this invitation to come to the mansion was not innocent and they were getting into the heart of the matter.
“ What kind of rumors?”
Regulus knew his cover wasn't going to last. The fact that he was a spy for the Order had to come out sooner or later. It would be better to learn it from Lucius than from someone else. However, without proof, he was going to deny it. Might as well save as much time as possible.
“You betrayed the Dark Lord. He would have punished you.
– Do I look like someone who has been punished?
– No… But like I said, there were rumors. Seeing you here clears suspicions, I guess.
– Guess what you want, Lucius. I'm here to see Narcissa, not talk about what happened ten years ago. And even if you thought I was a traitor, your opinion doesn't matter to me. You might be stupid enough to believe the rumors but don't come trying to smear my reputation without proof.”
The red rose to Malfoy's cheeks. Regulus went too far, but he told the truth. The only reason he accepted this invitation was Narcissa – and Draco, now. Regulus could see a grin on Cissy's lips, he thought Lucius noticed it too.
At that moment, the house-elf, a certain Dobby, entered the room to place a tray with tea and biscuits on the coffee table.
Shameful and enraged, having been so snubbed, the blonde man grabbed the elf by the ear before throwing him violently against the enormous solid oak bookcase before leaving the room. Dobby let out a plaintive groan before putting away the books that fell from the shock then left the room too, apologizing to Narcissa.
Regulus glanced at his cousin who sank further into the green velvet sofa.
He never understood the relentlessness that wizards had towards elves. If Kreacher hadn't been there, he didn't know what would have become of him.
So he could only feel some pity for Dobby.
Now that they were alone, he noticed his cousin's tired look. Unless it was something else?
"Is everything alright, Cissy?
- Of course everything is fine. What about you ? Everything you learned since coming back must have shocked you.
- You could say that. You too had to drool over it.”
Regulus sat down next to her, grabbing a cup of tea to give it to her. She seemed absent for a few minutes.
He had seen this look before. When Sirius was still living at home, when Walburga started drinking.
The wizard didn't like that at all. She sipped from her tea.
“ I don’t know how I would have held on without Draco, I must admit.”
Regulus understood that. He did not know if he would still be alive if he had lived through the end of the war. Seeing everyone they had known dying one by one and being helpless about it would give anybody reasons to give up.
“I'm glad you have a reason to live, Narcissa.
- You will find yours. I am sure.
-Speaking of which… I need your help.”
He could talk to her about it, he knew he could trust her with his concerns and issues. Narcissa never wanted to bear the mark, she was always adamant about that. He remembered that summer very well, 1970. Bellatrix had been marked after she met Voldemort and fallen madly in love with him. Andromeda and Narcissa were shocked to hear about that. He knew he had been branded young, too young. But he didn’t really have a choice. Narcissa flew into an explosive rage at the time.
There was hope that she would answer his questions, having never been a part of the ranks of the Death Eaters and their views.
“I heard that James and Lily's son was still alive. Do you have any idea where he could have been sent to?”
Cissy got up to close the door. A certain intimacy settled in the room. She opened the secretary and took out two glasses and filled them with whisky.
Obviously, the tea was not enough.
She returned and handed one of the drinks to Regulus then settled back down next to him.
He watched her finish her drink in one gulp before finally speaking.
“I was not in contact with Lily for some time. You know it was frowned upon, especially since we had just lost Andromeda, I didn't want to be next. Anyway, I know she had a sister, Petunia, a Muggle. She was two or three years older than Lily. I guess if Harry wasn't sent to Remus Lupin, he must have been sent to the only family he had left. I must have put her address somewhere.
-Send him to Muggles… If you could find the address, that would be wonderful, Cissy.
-But you have to promise me not to tell anyone. If Lucius finds out that I told you where Petunia is…
- I won’t say anything. I promise.”
Reaching for her hand, the wizard noticed that they were shaking. He knew she was close to Lily, though not quite sure how close.
He frowned.
Was she afraid of Lucius? Regulus felt a certain rage rising within him.
What did Malfoy do to make Narcissa look like a fragile little thing?
“ I'm here for you. For Draco too. If you want to come home to take a breather, you are more than welcome to come. You will be safe with me.”
He hoped she would understand what he meant, that he would be ready to protect her if there was any trouble.
He loved her and he wanted to show it.
She squeezed his hand back before smiling at him.
“ I know Reggie. I can deal, don't worry.”
Narcissa came to kiss his cheek before taking the glass she had given him to drink it as well. He let her, not saying anything more.
She did not seem to want to talk about the violence they witnessed.
They carried on chatting until the evening came. Cissy showed him around the whole mansion and the changes she had made there.
It was good for them to reconnect.
Upstairs, Narcissa took advantage of the fact that Lucius and Draco had left to rummage through a box she had carefully hidden. He gave her some privacy, feeling he didn't need to see the content of the box. She came back a few moments later and handed him a piece of parchment with an address written on it.
“My information is a bit dated but it could be a lead. I can't help you more.
- You've already done a lot, Narcissa.”
Regulus put the parchment in his pocket. He declined her invitation to stay for dinner. However, he promised to come back soon.
He owed her that, thanks to her, he had gained crucial information.
Chapter Text
REMUS
March 1990
March 06th, 1990 –
If you ever lose hope, ponder the fact that Regulus Black rose back from the dead ten years after his initial disappearance. We understand from a reliable source coming from the Ministry that the heir of House Black has no memory of the past ten years. An investigation is underway to find the reason for his disappearance and memory loss. We hope that he doesn't end up like his brother, the dangerous criminal Sirius Black, still locked up in Azkaban to this day.
As certain as it can get, Regulus Black is taking over the Noble family that is his. Rumor has it that he’s been seen not far from the Malfoy mansion where his cousin, Narcissa Malfoy, née Black, lives. Will we be witnesses to the comeback of the latest Black generation? More to follow.
Remus read this article at least a hundred times.
Regulus was back.
This news shook him to the core.
When the Gazette came that morning, he sat down at the kitchen table with his coffee to leaf through it. Nothing unusual. But when he got to the second page, he froze. He noticed the picture first. To begin with, he almost thought he saw Sirius but, on closer inspection, it was his younger brother.
Remus put the newspaper on the table, running his hands over his face with a sigh.
Why couldn't he be happy with this news?
He felt the panic gripping him, petrifying. Hearing from Regulus sent him back to a dark time in his life. The failures that had followed the boy's disappearance lingered in his memory.
“ ‘Mus? Everything's good ?”
Remus looked up, forehead already sweating. He didn't need to say anything, Sturgis moved closer to him, setting his empty coffee cup next to Remus's full one. He crouched down in front of him to take his hands.
Moony could already feel his breath stop and the urge to scream rising inside him. He couldn't cope with what he was feeling, letting himself slip into his partner's arms.
Sturgis was used to dealing with Remus' attacks. He took him in his arms like he was the most fragile thing in the world and not a man who could turn into a monster once a month.
“Breathe with me ‘Mus. Breathe. I am here. It's fine, you're safe. Let it go, you’re okay. Don't fight it, I've got you.”
In a fetal position in Podmore's arms, Remus let himself go. He felt safe against him, allowing his panic to escape.
A few minutes went by and when the worst of it was over, he slowly caught his breath. The panic attacks were becoming rather rare but they remained as intense as ever. Remus reached up to grab the Daily Prophet and handed it to Poddy. He needed to understand what had triggered his anguish.
The man took the newspaper that his partner handed him and began to read the article, one of his arms still holding him, his chin resting on Remus's head.
“I see. You don't owe him anything. We don't have to go see him, you know that, right? Nor to hear from him. He's no longer a part of your life.
-He’s Sirius’s little brother, Poddy. He and James were devastated when Regulus was declared dead, I can't ignore him. He might need help.
- He doesn't need anything. You are just beginning to recover from all of this. If Regulus Black wants to see you, so be it. But as long as he doesn't write to you, you don't have to seek him out. And yes, you can pretend you didn't see anything. We are good here, we do not need to go back to looking for problems. You know what his return entails. He was one of You-Know-Who's most trusted Death Eaters.
– It’s more complicated than that, Poddy…
- You know I'm right.”
His voice didn't really leave Remus much room to answer.
Podmore had always been there for him. He had loved him in the worst moments of his life. He knew how to calm him down, how to make his life gentler.
He was right, meeting with Regulus was not a good idea.
It would remind him of Sirius and he didn't want to remember him. Still, a tiny part of him wanted to see him. Find out what happened. Maybe gather some answers on things that happened.
He accepted the glass of water Sturgis went to get him and took a few sips. His senses back, he got up to sit in the chair, trying to relax his aching nerves as much as possible.
“ I'm sorry 'Mus but I have to go to work. I won’t be home late and I will bring dinner. Will it be OK ?
- Yes, I'm going to take a walk to get some fresh air and everything will be better. Go to work, I'm doing well. And if you have to stay later, stay. I can manage.”
Remus kisses his companion goodbye, watching him leave their house.
He lied to him, he was not doing well at all but did not want Sturgis to worry more. He did so much for him already and it made Remus constantly feel like a burden. He didn't want to add more to that.
He went back to the Prophet to look at Regulus’ picture. It was not recent, surely dating from before his disappearance. The wizard eventually leaves behind the magazine, grabbing his jacket to get out of the house.
He hated being alone at home, even if it was better lately.
Remus could bear the loneliness less and less.
He usually went to work but the bookstore was closed every Monday. With nowhere else to go, an idea sprouted in his mind.
He had to go see her.
Remus made his way to the cafe on the edge of Porthmadog harbor.
After the war, Remus had scraped together what little savings he had to buy a modest house in this Welsh port town. He had retired from the wizarding world.
He had fled.
He had lost everything, nothing kept him there anymore.
The only times he allowed himself to return to the wizarding side were on his friends' death anniversaries.
Too many to count.
It was during one of these events that he saw Sturgis again. He was one of the few members of the Order to survive the first war. Podmore had insisted on keeping in touch with him and here they were together, living in the same house that Remus bought to isolate himself from the world. Sturgis worked in the forest that bordered the town, regulating magical creatures that ventured too close to muggles.
However, he did not choose this city accidentally.
Yet another secret in his life.
Another secret that Podmore was unaware of.
Once at the cafe, he ordered a hot chocolate and settled in a corner near the window where he could see the port.
At one point, he would have ordered a beer or a whiskey but he forbade himself to even think about it. He had such a hard time getting out of this habit and struggled every day not to fall back into it. There was no recovery from alcoholism, we just learned not to give in.
Remus thought for a moment that she wasn't working.
Fate would have been cruel not to allow him to see her today but he looked up when he heard the waitress' bracelets click.
She was here.
The young woman placed Remus' order in front of him, immediately smiling. He could even have made out that her cheeks started to blush. Smiling back at her, he let her sit across from him.
Had she cut her hair? Her brown curls seemed shorter. Intense brown eyes stared at him, her smile still being the most visible thing about her.
"Remus? It's been a long time since you last came in, I was starting to worry.”
He felt guilty. There was a time when he came almost every day after his day at work, but the better he was feeling, the less he needed to come see her.
Not seeing her kept him from feeling guilty about what had happened.
“I had a lot of work, sorry. I don't see you at the library anymore, either.
– I know… But with the children I don’t have any time for myself! If you could see what they are doing to me these days!”
Remus beamed at her.
She looked radiant, happy.
It relieved his heart to see her smile so much when she talked about her children. Remus knew she had a second one a few years ago.
“ How old are they? I admit I'm losing count.”
Remus knew very well how old the eldest was but he didn't want her to think that he was more interested in one than the other.
“ Dean is nine and Frank is five. They are growing so fast! A little too fast for my liking, if you ask me. I wish they would stay this way but life is life. I intend to enjoy all my years with my two little monsters.”
Nine years.
Time didn't seem to be working on her. Her dark skin was still so radiant and she looked peaceful.
Much more than she had ever been.
Remus was happy to still be his friend even though they weren't as close as they once were.
She eventually got up when another client arrived, apologizing before returning to work. Remus watched her.
It was always strange talking to her, especially since he couldn't tell her what was really bothering him, she wouldn't understand.
Wiping his hand over his face, he sank further into the padded bench in the cafe. The morning angst had passed.
He knew Sturgis wouldn't like the fact that he was here but he couldn't understand. He never had this need to be close with someone. Podmore had always been a loner and already admitted to him that Remus was the only person he felt the need to be around with. In any case, Lupin needed to see his former friend and no matter what his companion thought, he would continue to do so.
Almost an hour had passed. He got up, leaving a tip on the table before going to the counter to ask the young woman for a donut to take away. Remus knew he couldn't stay there all day.
“You should take the boys to the library sometime. I have a collection of children's books that might interest them."
He had never really been good with children, but he always tried to have a nice corner at the library to encourage children to read. Young, he always took refuge in books and wanted to allow everyone to do it too.
“ I will think about it. It will make them happy!”
She finished wrapping the donut and retrieved the change he put down to pay.
Remus tapped the counter lightly as if trying to cheer himself up. It was stupid, he knew he couldn't tell her anything, share anything with her.
Yet he wanted to, wanted to tell her about Regulus, about his doubts but nothing came out of his mouth.
As if sensing his agitation, she put her hand over his to smile at him, seeking his gaze. She had always been extremely empathetic, she could easily sense when something was wrong.
"Are you sure everything's okay? Did you have a fight with Sturgis?
– No, no… I just… I heard from an old acquaintance. I don't know what to do about it yet. But I won't bother you with that. You have work to do.
– I don't mind Remus. And for your old acquaintance, do you want to see them again?
- Maybe. Yes.”
He pondered but decided that he wanted to go see Regulus. He felt it was the right thing to do. Now he had to decide if he would tell Sturgis of his decision or not.
“Well, follow your heart. In most cases, it is rarely wrong.
- Thank you very much.”
She was right.
He had to follow his heart but why was this simple thing to do so painful to him? He took the paper bag that contained the donut.
She had to make a difficult choice herself but she was better now.
Perhaps he should also consider his own needs and follow Mary MacDonald's example.
Chapter Text
REGULUS
March 1990
4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging was the perfect muggle home.
A bland facade, a garden that couldn't be more boring, and some sort of metal cart – which he knew Muggles called a “car” – parked out front. He always hated going to the muggle world. Everything was slow, everything was bland. He felt out of place in this world and only had one desire: quickly return to the wizarding world.
Drizzle made the decor even more gloomy. Regulus pulled up the collar of his coat when a fresh wind began to rise.
The young man had made the effort to dress in muggle clothes he found in his father's closet. Orion Black loved going to certain Muggle neighborhoods when he was alive and had a whole panoply of suits that allowed him to blend in quite easily.
Before coming to this address, Regulus made inquiries about Muggle schools.
Usually at this time, Harry should not be at school. The wizard walked towards the front door to knock. He was polite enough to announce himself and didn't want to take risks coming to a house that was not Petunia Evans’. Narcissa had given him an old address and he hoped she still lived here.
Regulus only had to wait a few seconds before a dark-haired woman opened the door. She had a flawless blow-dry—although you could see lighter roots—a garish red mouth and a faded yellow patterned dress.
The wizard had no trouble recognizing Petunia.
Even though he never met her, he had been around Lily enough to recognize her sister. They had the same look, even though the woman in front of him was a warm brown, contrasting Lily's cool green. Their face shapes were similar.
“ Petunia Evans?”
From the woman's tense grin, Regulus knew that he was at the right address. He only had time to block the door with his foot before Petunia tried to slam the door on his face.
"Don't you dare force your way into my home! I know who you are, I'll call the police!”
Regulus was a bit surprised that she knew who he was but Sirius was friends with Lily, she probably confused him with his brother. They always looked disturbingly alike so it didn't shock him that much. On the other hand, Petunia's reaction annoyed him.
“As if the police could do anything.”
Regulus pushed the door open to enter the house. Wand in hand, he would not hesitate to use it if he felt the need. With a glance, he looked at the pictures hanging on the wall of the entrance. A chubby young boy often found himself on these. Probably Harry, given his age. He didn't look like James at all and if there was any resemblance to Lily, it was extremely thin. He turned back to Petunia who had gone to get a pastry roll from her kitchen. He couldn't help but roll his eyes. Muggles had a funny way of defending themselves.
" I come for Harry Potter. Not for you. Where is he ?” he said harshly. “I know he is here.
- Mom ?
- Don't stay here honey, go to your room." Petunia said in a panicked tone."
Regulus looked down at the said boy who entered the hallway. He looked like a pig with a wig. Pieces of cookies still stuck on his lips.
So that was it, he was Harry?
Regulus stood in front of the boy, gazing at him. The boy took refuge behind Petunia.
"Is this Harry?"
He had doubts but the coincidence was too strong for it not to be him. Yet, seeing the boy's astonished expression, Regulus began to doubt. Why would he call Lily's sister "Mom"? Didn't he know he had parents before he landed here? The wizard stared at the child.
No scar.
And Petunia didn’t confirm anything either.
Finally, the little one shook his head negatively. Before Petunia could say anything, the piglet spoke:
“Harry is in the garden. Who are you ?”
He didn’t even finish his sentence when Regulus already ventured into the house to find the garden. The wizard heard Petunia yapping behind him but he ignored it. From the living room, he saw a boy's back, sitting in the garden. Regulus rushed to the bay window and was quite surprised to see that it was locked.
Forcing it, he ends up opening it with a wave of his wand, hearing a small cry behind him. He suddenly felt a surge of anxiety seeing Harry locked outside.
He felt like he saw Sirius at this age.
If Regulus already hated Muggles, what he just witnessed reinforced his feelings against them.
When the door opened, Harry turned around.
And Regulus' breath hitched.
James .
It was the only thought in his head when he saw the boy. He was a carbon copy of James.
Thinner, more stunted but it was James.
The same messy black hair, the same round nose and the same tanned complexion.
Regulus held out his hand towards Harry, preventing himself from thinking too much about James at the moment.
“Go inside.”
The little one turned his head towards Petunia, as if implicitly asking her permission to enter the house. This simple look made Regulus twist. How dare she.
She dared to scare Harry. James and Lily's son.
The wizard stepped forward a little, putting one of his hands on the child's shoulder so that he could walk in with him. Wand still in hand, Regulus tried to reason with himself.
Clenching his jaw, he glared at Petunia. He couldn't use his magic on her, he had enough problems already without adding another one.
However, one thing was certain. He wasn't going to leave Harry there another minute. He could very well recognize the signs of abuse and there was no way he wouldn’t react.
Once Harry was inside, Regulus turned to him, lowering himself to face him.
“My name is Regulus Black. I was a friend to your father.
- My father ? Did you know him?”
Harry's green eyes twinkled. It seemed like no one ever talked about his parents and given what he saw around him, it wouldn't surprise him if that was the case.
“Very well. We were in Hogwarts together.
– Hogwarts? What is this ? A school for young hooligans?”
Regulus sat up, puzzled. Since when was Hogwarts a school for young delinquents? All wizarding children knew this school, there was no doubt about it. Frowning slightly, he slowly turned back to Petunia. Although he tried not to be too threatening, watching her back down was exhilarating.
"What did you tell him about James?
- The truth. Potter was a disturbed boy. He was dangerous.
- Dangerous ? Are you kidding me ? He was one of the smartest wizards of our generation! Ease my mind, you told Harry about magic, right? Or did you dare educate him like a Muggle?”
He spat out that last word as an insult.
Because that's what it was.
An insult.
Regulus moved a little closer to Petunia, until he was inches away from her. He had to contain himself. To calm down. Not to give in to the impulse that dictated to him to reduce Petunia and this naughty piglet that served as his son to ashes.
“I'm taking Harry with me.”
He had to weigh his every word. Calm but menacing.
“He won't come with you. Harry stays here.
- And how are you going to stop me? Are you going to threaten me with your ridiculous pastry roll? Harry is not a muggle. And locking him out does not please me very much. You are lucky I'm not turning you and your son into pigs.”
Regulus could see Petunia turn pale and was pleased about it. However, she took a deep breath as if to give herself courage.
“You are nobody to him. You have no rights over him.
- I have all the rights.”
Regulus pulled a letter from his pocket, giving it to Petunia.
In the small folder that Pandora had made before her death, there was an envelope. James and Lily had written a whole letter that indicated their desire for Harry to know the magical world and be under the protection of Remus Lupin or Regulus Black. Pandora had written to Lily some time before they went into hiding to advise her to mention Regulus, and although the redhead was surprised by the request, she had done so anyway. By this letter, Regulus had the right to leave with Harry. Even if at first he had absolutely no intention of doing so, seeing the state he was in, he couldn't leave without him. Reg turned to the young Potter, looking as gentle as he could manage. He stepped closer to Harry again, gazing into his eyes.
“If you come with me, you will have clothes in your size. You will eat your fill. You won't be locked out. Under any circumstances. You are destined for great things and you deserve better than this life here.”
Regulus was serious. He would never let Harry continue to suffer this. He was going to honor the memory of James and Lily and take care of their son. Whatever the price to pay. He then pointed his wand at him and repaired his glasses which were only held together by the strength of poor little adhesive tapes.
“Wow ! How did you do that?
- I will show you. Pack your things, we are leaving.”
Regulus straightened, following the boy to the cupboard under the stairs. He didn't pay too much attention to what he was doing, telling himself that he was just taking a trunk.
“You can't take him.”
Petunia seemed to wake up from the lethargy that had gripped her since she got the letter in her hands. She seemed frightened. Not by the fact that Harry was leaving.
No.
She was afraid of something else.
Regulus didn't take long to realize what was worrying her.
“Of course I can take him. If it's Dumbledore you're worried about, give him the letter. Tell him Regulus Black was here.”
Seeing that Harry wasn't coming out of that cupboard, he moved closer to help him and saw a bed. A shiver crept up his spine.
A bed.
A closet .
Harry was sleeping in the cupboard under the stairs. Regulus had to muster all the patience and reason he was capable of not to kill Petunia. He picked up the bag Harry just closed and headed for the door. The boy still had his coat on and seemed a bit lost but happy to finally be able to get out of there.
“Ready ? I'll be waiting for you outside if you want to say goodbye to them.”
For some reason he had no trouble identifying, Harry didn't linger and simply followed Regulus.
*
Harry had been quiet since they left 4, Privet Drive. No emotion whatsoever could be noticed on his face. Regulus wasn't quite sure how to deal with him.
He acted impulsively and was not prepared at all to leave with the child. But he had been unable to leave him there. Beyond the fact that this kid managed to make Voldemort disappear, he didn't deserve to be treated like this.
No child should be.
The wizard could have just Apparated with Harry to make it home but he preferred to take it easy on him. Especially since he preferred for the Ministry not to be directly alerted that he was accompanied by a child from the Muggle world. They were quite far from the Square Grimmauld. Too far to walk, they would have to take a train.
“Did you know my parents?”
Regulus snapped out of his thoughts. How was he supposed to start explaining everything ? He did not know. He didn't even know what Harry knew. If he had been raised in Muggle fashion, he really must not know anything about the wizarding world and therefore knew even less about his parents.
“Yes, I knew them. I knew your father from childhood and met your mother when we were in Hogwarts. We were… close, somehow. But we'll discuss that when we get there.
– Get where?”
With just a glance, Regulus saw the child's eyes twinkle. He felt like he never really left this neighborhood.
“Home. You're going to live with me now. You will have your own room. And we'll buy you some clothes.”
Regulus thought Harry was going to jump in excitement. He was almost stamping beside him. He felt like he just told him the best news of his life – and maybe he had.
“A room just for me?” Harry muttered more to himself than anything else.
“Of course.”
Once at the station, they purchase tickets for a train to London. Harry kept looking everywhere. Before boarding, he buys him a fish and chips, preventing him from passing out from hunger. He watched him devour his meal on the way.
Regulus watched him intently, unable not to think about James.
He wasn't that surprised that he had a child with Lily. He had seen them grow closer and even marry. Regulus had hoped that by seeking the Horcrux he would allow them to win the war and live.
He was wrong. James and Lily died and their son knew nothing of magic.
London was pretty quiet today. The sky was low and it was moist, a thunderstorm was about to break out. They both quickened their pace before stopping in front of a building. An old door and walls from another age appeared. With just the blink of an eye, a new home appeared.
“I assure you, the interior looks better. It's just a facade in case overly curious Muggles notice the spell.”
Regulus diffused Harry's worry. He walked towards the door, letting him in first. Kreacher stopped in front of Harry, questioning his master with a look.
“Kreacher, this is Harry Potter. He will live with us. I ask you to prepare a room for him and install his belongings too.”
He gave Harry's bag to the elf before the latter disappeared. Regulus walked towards the main living room before realizing that Harry was frozen on the spot, staring at the spot where Kreacher had been.
Merlin, it would be really complicated.
“Kreacher is a house-elf. He takes care of the house, he meets our needs. You can ask him if you need anything. As long as you ask him politely.
- All right. But how am I going to pay for it?
- You don't have to pay for it. A house-elf serves a wizard family for free. Some treat them badly. In this house, I am taking care of Kreacher and you will do the same. You'll get used to it eventually.”
Regulus waved his hand for Harry to follow him into the living room where a fire was already lit in the hearth. He settled into one of the armchairs, offering him to do the same. He wanted to pour himself a drink but he preferred to stay sober for this discussion.
“Ask me all the questions you want, Harry. I am here to address your concerns.
- Why did you take me home?”
The wizard had to admit that he would have preferred another question. That was a pretty broad question and he didn't necessarily have the answer to it. He found himself bringing Harry back with him through a combination of circumstances that would be hard to explain. Where could he begin ?
"Because you'll be safer with me. Surely you don't know where your scar came from? You got it when you faced the most dangerous Mage of our time as a baby. Your parents died that night and you, without anyone knowing why, you survived.
- My parents didn't die in a car accident?
- A car accident ? Nonsense. Your aunt told you lies. Your parents are dead because they faced the most dangerous enemy of our century. A simple accident would not have gotten the better of them.”
Harry looked so small in that chair. He looked lost and moved. Children's emotions that touched Regulus. He carried on :
“We are not related by blood but your father was very important to me. Very important to my brother too. He is your godfather. It's my job to take care of you. To take care of you. I couldn't come before and I'm sorry but you're safe now.”
Even before he finished saying his last word, Regulus felt arms wrap around him.
He tensed slightly before realizing that Harry was not attacking him but simply hugging him. Having someone who seemed to care about him seemed to touch the little boy.
Reg was gentle in return. He wasn't sure of what he was doing but he didn't want to push the little one away.
He was determined to show him that he could be trusted.
“Do I really have a godfather?
- Yes. We are your family. A family that will take care of you. He cannot be there for now but I am.”
After a few moments, Regulus ended up pushing him away, giving him the most reassuring smile possible.
“I'll show you around. Then I'll show you your room so you can rest. We will buy you some clothes tomorrow and I will send a letter to find you a teacher. They will help you to understand our world better. Your world.”
Harry drank his words and nodded. He asked quite a few questions during the visit and seemed delighted with his new room. Kreacher had put some old clothes which Regulus wore when he was younger on Harry's bed so he could change into clothes that would fit better.
“Put yourself at ease. If you need anything, call Kreacher or come see me. I will either be in the living room or in my bedroom. All right ?
- All right. Thank you sir.
-You can call me Regulus.”
He sees Harry’s lips curve, he smiles back before leaving him alone and closing the door behind him.
The young man stood behind the door for a few moments, wondering what he was getting himself into but seeing Harry smile was a wonderful thing and he hoped that from where he was, James was proud of him and had forgiven him for what he had done.
Chapter Text
REGULUS
September 1977
Flashback
The day had been awfully long. Regulus never understood why wizards bothered to take that damn train when portkeys would simply do the trick. His legs were numb and the train nearly exploded because of Sirius and his idiot friends.
They are never able to go to the end of things, otherwise we would have all crashed against the mountains, he thought to himself.
Regulus was only half-heartedly listening to Severus complaining for the fourth time that Lily didn't send him any letters all summer holidays. It wasn't that surprising, the Potters had invited all of their son's friends to their residence in the south of England and Lily was one of them. Regulus had been invited but he declined the invitation, in fear of suffering the wrath of his parents.
He remembered James vividly on his doorstep. But he preferred not to think about it.
The young Black let out a loud sigh as he looked around for Mulciber. Where was he when we needed him? At least when the wizard was around, Regulus was able to get rid of Snape who was neither interesting nor loyal. Regardless, with a rather vague wave of his hand, he made him understand that he must join Barty and Evan, who were in the middle of a discussion further down the hall. What could they talk about that had to last all morning? No discussion required a whole day of isolation, right? Anyway, he had given them enough time as it was.
He dodged Snape who obviously didn't appreciate the gesture which no doubt reminded him that he was no one to Regulus and joined his friends. When reaching them, he is struck by the silence which immediately interferes between them.
They both looked at each other before looking at Regulus, almost amazed that he was there. With a raised eyebrow, he taunted them with a look that he hoped would let them know that they had had enough time together for at least three weeks. With a nod, he encouraged them to talk. If there was one thing Regulus Black hated, it was silence. The feeling of being too much, of not belonging. Evan must have noticed the tense expression on his comrade's face as he decided to break the silence.
"Reggie. Did you manage to get rid of Snape? I didn't dare disturb you during this wonderful conversation about the mudblood and other uninteresting potions."
Barty's shoulders shook slightly and Regulus nudged him to stop laughing.
"I'll hold you two to it. It was the longest drive of my entire life. I don't know how Mulciber manages to put up with it all day long.
– Maybe he hangs out with him just to shine a little more. Failing to shine by his intelligence, he makes friend with the half blood. Not everyone has the same pedigree as you, Barty said, ruffling his friend's hair."
He frees his head, hardly supporting any physical touch from anyone but does not blame him for being, unlike him, very tactile. Barty always had the ability to make excuses for everyone. At least, to find motivations. He had many qualities, more than he let on. Without him, their group wouldn't be as united.
He was the one who imposed the discussions when there was a problem, the one who relaxed the atmosphere when everything seemed gloomy and dark. He might not be as radiant as Pandora but he still managed to unite them. But Barty was especially good at diverting attention. Even more than Evan. Regulus almost forgot that he resented them for cutting him off from their conversation.
They quickly caught up on the way to the Great Hall. Regulus learned that Evan's mother was pregnant. He heard the news just before leaving for London. It was a miracle according to him because his parents hardly lived together anymore. Regulus could sense some bitterness that his friend's mother might have sinned out of wedlock. Cheating was often common in arranged marriages, but usually the husband was the culprit. And there never was any consequences. He knew that well, his own parents were not a model of loyalty, at least his father wasn’t.
"And you're not worried about the inheritance?
- No. I remain the eldest. And with a little luck, it will be a girl, she will only have the right to a marriage. My future bride will only be used to procreate an heir, we all know that."
Regulus noticed that Barty winced a little, looking annoyed. Obviously, he didn't understand his reaction but didn't really try to understan it either, knowing his friend well enough to know that he was sometimes a bit moody.
The sorting ceremony was soon to take place. They weren't really interested in that. What motivated them was the meal that followed. There was always delicious food that allowed the first years to relax and enjoy more of this evening that will be forever marked in their memory. Evan and Barty bickered once they got to the Slytherin table over which of the four houses will get the most first years. It was a lighthearted debate they had every year. Today, Regulus bet on Hufflepuffs, like Evan. Barty was certain that their house would have the majority. As always, Barty was right.
Meanwhile, Regulus kept glancing at the Gryffindor table. They were always more agitated than the others, noisier. Obviously, his gaze slid over to Sirius who had almost stood on the table to greet the new students.
He was clearly beaming but not as much as James.
He had grown a few inches since the last time he had seen him. His hair was a bit longer, too. Surprisingly, Potter had a prefect badge on his wizarding robe. Who would have thought that James Potter would be a prefect? He didn't know and didn't want to know. Their eyes met and Regulus immediately looked away.
He didn't need to meet his hazel eyes right now. Regulus could feel his heart beat a little faster and decided to focus on the candied grapefruit on his plate. He mustn't start to blush or Evan and Barty would ask questions and Regulus didn't want to answer them.
Once the meal was over, they all headed to their common room and had only one desire: go to sleep. On the way, he was jostled by Sirius who was running, James on his heels who turned to him, resting his hand on his shoulder for a moment.
"Hi Reg! See you later !"
James then started running again, as if nothing had happened. As if Regulus didn't feel his heart stop at his mere touch.
"Are you coming, Black?"
The young man resumed walking, following his friends to the dungeons. Bloody hell, he couldn't be so emotional whenever he ran into James. He had to forget this and focus on his school year. But first, Regulus wanted to see Pandora.
He barely could see her in Kings Cross before Professor Cavarnus asked her to follow him for a chat on the way. The divination teacher had always left the young Black indifferent. With his big paunch and his slow gait, he didn't seem very dangerous but Regulus was curious to know why he wanted to spend the journey with the young woman. Divination was not the kind of matter that couldn't wait for them to be at the castle to discuss it.
Regulus tried to approach the teachers' car, but they quickly spotted him and he only had time to see Pandora deep in thought in front of a cup of tea. He then returned frustrated to his compartment. After a moment of searching, Regulus finally found the young Lestrange, sitting on the stairs leading to the boys' dormitory. He wouldn't know how to explain it but he knew Pandora was waiting for him. She had this ability to know that someone was looking for her.
She stood up and almost seemed to be hovering coming to him. Pandora had a grace that defined her well. Her long hours of ballet dancing must have had something to do with it, even if Regulus was not as graceful as she was. They hugged each other for a few seconds before Black's youngest one pulled away. Pandora was the only one with whom he tolerated physical contact.
"You were looking for me," she said smiling.
She always knew everything anyway. This simple statement finally convinced Regulus that she knew he was looking for her. Maybe she just suspected because she saw him trying to join her on the train? Or maybe Pandora actually had this kind of instinct that could sometimes disturb as it was often exact. They walked up the stairs quite slowly to Regulus's dormitory while Pandora related that the Divination professor had given her a taste of a delicious tea from India and that they had discussed in length the fact that he strongly wished for her to take his classes in this sixth year.
" But you don’t like divination, Regulus thunders once his friend’s story is over.
- It's not that I don't like it. I always feel a little uncomfortable in this class. But he assured me that we would now be in a small committee. Few students take this subject and I could… you know… do my stuff."
Regulus couldn't really argue with his friend's choice. The only thing he dreaded was the reaction of Pandora's parents when they find out that she took this option. Hopefully, she'll find a good excuse. If it amused her to read in tea leaves and crystal balls, let it be.
Regulus never wanted anything more than the happiness of the one he considered a sister.
Outside the door to his dormitory, Regulus turned to Pandora. Should he tell her about how he felt about a certain dark-haired guy with glasses? Maybe she already knew, she knew him so well that sometimes he didn't even have to talk. Feeling her gaze on him, he ended up clearing his throat but she pulled the rug out from under him.
"I know, Reg. I know. No need to tell me. I saw you during the dinner feast."
She took his hand, giving him a smile that was meant to be as reassuring as possible.
As if she knew his heart was in pieces.
He squeezed her hand back, grateful that she was there, that she understood. She didn’t need an explanation. He didn't really care that she noticed he was staring at a certain Gryffindor.
“I don't know what to do, Dora. I feel like everything is going all over the place. I don’t understand what is happening. What I feel. I'm afraid he doesn't care about me.
- This is not true. You should go talk to him. Maybe you will be surprised. I don't know what happened this summer but I saw how you looked at him. It's eye-popping that you have a crush on him."
Regulus didn't want to hold on to hope but Pandora's words touched him. To feel accepted by her friend, that she did not ask him more questions, that she simply remained herself. He pulled on his friend's hand to take her in his arms. He needed her support.
She was the only one he could let loose with, talk to about such things.
He was so lost in his sexuality that he was envious of Sirius who embraced his attractions without shame.
"Do you want to come inside to talk for a bit? The others must surely already be asleep but you know you're not disturbing.
- I'm going to my dorm. The girls have things to tell me. But we'll see you tomorrow at breakfast, okay? There will be pumpkin pie."
She winked at her friend before kissing his cheek and wishing him goodnight. Regulus stood there watching her go up another floor. It was not common for her to refuse an invitation but he preferred not to take too much offense. There were already enough worrying things without lingering on a detail.
She was never very comfortable with the girls in her dorm so Regulus could only rejoice. He then entered the room he shared with Evan and Barty, eager to finally be able to rest.
*
A few hours later, Regulus was still awake. See you later. See you later. See you later. But when ? What will happen next time they see each other? Would James like to talk about what happened? Or maybe he would pretend like nothing happened.
Regulus brooded over and over, so much so that he just got up to take a walk. He didn't care if it was the middle of the night, he needed to spend some time thinking about something else. The young Black sneaked out of the common room. Wand in hand, he climbed the steps out of the dungeons to the main hall, ignoring the paintings that grumbled as he passed, complaining that he was waking them up with the light he emitted.
“You know it’s forbidden to walk the halls this late, right?"
The voice startled him. He turned around, turned around, but saw no one. However, he thought he heard...
"Potter?"
Regulus could swear he wasn't there seconds ago.
He could feel his cheeks heating up and his heart beating faster at the thought of being alone in the hallway with James.
He wondered how their next meeting would go, he would quickly know.
“Who else ? Did you have a date with someone? I'm going to have to take points from Slytherin. From day one, what a shame.
- I doubt prefects are allowed to be out at this time, too. It's late.
- Oh really ? It must have escaped my mind when I accepted the job.“
James moved closer to him, an arrogant smile on his lips. Or maybe was it just his natural smile?
Either way, Regulus' breath stopped. His whole body tense as the brunette approached him.
“I think I should go back to my dorm, then. You too. I mean, in your dorm. I mean… You in your dorm, me in mine.
– You’re stuttering, Reg.“
He wouldn't back down. He wasn't going to let James see that he was confusing him. Regulus locked eyes with the Gryffindor.
Despite the darkness, he could see very clearly the golden pecks in James's eyes.
“Look James, I think we should talk about what happened this summer.”
The young Black had rarely seen him so serious. It made him nervous and he hated it.
“ There is no need, really. There is nothing to say. I was tired that day. It doesn't matter what I said or did.
- It mattered to me.”
Regulus felt his heart tighten in his chest. He was going to be laughed at, that was for sure.
There was no universe where James Potter was interested in him.
Regulus dared to look at Potter who seemed surprised by such an announcement. He was probably playing a joke on him. Sirius must have been laughing behind a statue.
"Reggie, I'm sorry but I don't see you like that. It's been fun spending time with you but I'm in love with Evans. That's no secret. What I did was just to see how it felt. And then you pushed me away, remember?"
Regulus felt his ears burning. He knew that James had a very first-degree way of seeing the world, that he liked to experiment, but he'd never thought he'd be one of those tests.
"I pushed you away because I'm not stupid. I don't want to be a victim of your gambling with my brother and I wanted even less to be caught by my mother snogging her traitor son's friend. I'd like to keep a bit of dignity, you know?
-I didn't want you to get into trouble, I know what your mother's capable of, Sirius told me. Besides, he doesn't know what happened, if that makes you feel any better."
He would like to believe that what James was saying was true, but he couldn't fully trust anyone, least of all the man who had stolen his brother. The two wizards continued to stare at each other for a few seconds without either of them breaking the silence.
He felt humiliated, taken for a fool. The young Black finally stepped back and looked away.
"It doesn't matter if Sirius knows or not, there is no us. It was a mistake. Kissing you was absolutely... unpleasant. Horrible, even. I don't want it to happen again!"
Regulus stepped back a little more and looked behind him for a moment, thinking he'd heard something.
He expected James to laugh at him at any moment, but he didn't. He just looked sorry. He just looked sorry and he hated seeing that pitying expression on Potter's face.
He hated him as much as he loved him and he knew that the Gryffindor would never be his.
That he would never be interested in a boy.
Without adding anything more to the conversation, the Slytherin turned to go back to bed, leaving James there.
Chapter Text
APRIL 1990
REGULUS
A burning smell jolted Regulus awake. Going down the stairs two by two, he passed Kreacher who was mumbling things about a child he would put in a pot. It was pretty obvious who he was talking about and it was confirmed when he walked through the kitchen door. A short, black-haired head was posted in front of the stove, thick smoke billowing from the pan.
Regulus couldn't help but think about James. The resemblance was too striking not to acknowledge the fact that they were related by blood.
“What are you doing ?”
The wizard didn’t have time to get dressed and his voice was still sleepy. He came closer to the child before leaning over the black mass which must surely have been eggs a few minutes ago. He just found someone worse than Sirius with a frying pan.
He almost felt like laughing when he thought of his brother trying to make him pancakes on his 8th birthday. Sirius had nearly set the house on fire and Walburga punished him severely. Nevertheless, he had a good birthday thanks to him. One of the last good memories he had with Sirius before he went back to Hogwarts and hung out with James and the others.
“I thought you would be hungry, Sir. I wanted to make you some breakfast but I think I turned on the gas too high. I'm more used to induction hobs…”
Regulus wasn't sure what "induction hobs" were, but he suspected he had to take care of meals at the Dursleys. To believe that a child was the equivalent of a servant. At this thought, the wizard wasn't sure he was patient enough not to go back to those muggles and manhandle them like they did with Harry.
"Harry, you don't need to cook. Kreacher will do that and we're going to be hiring new domestics. You no longer have to do household chores. Sit down and rest. You are at home. And you don't need to address me as Sir, I've already told you that.”
Grabbing him by the shoulders, Regulus shifted him off the plates and pulled out his wand to clean it all up. It had been years since Regulus last cooked but he enjoyed doing it for Harry. He took the egg carton and the bacon before putting everything in the pan. Glancing at the little one who had gone to sit at the table, he wondered how long it was going to take him to realize that he was home, and this without any compensation. Regulus could understand that he was struggling to grasp what was going on.
It was a big change for a child.
He himself struggled to adjust when he returned to Hogwarts at the end of every summer, to a safe and healthy place. But he hoped that Harry would eventually realize that he was safe here.
Gazing at the whitening egg, he was lost in thought for a moment. Now that Harry was here and himself had recovered, he was going to have to seriously think about Horcruxes. His house-elf failed to destroy the necklace, even with Pandora’s help. He had carefully reread the notes his friend left him. All the experiments she performed to try and destroy the necklace failed, the object did not even gain a single scratch. It might be more complicated than expected.
Maybe Horace Slughorn could help him. He had always been of good advice when it came to dealing with cursed objects. Regulus was even surprised that Pandora did not go to see their former professor, but after what happened at Hogwarts, she might not want to see him.
Regulus would have to do it himself.
It seemed to him that he would easily find the man’s address, only having to ask Kreacher to find Slughorn’s house elf. He’d have the address in no time and the wizard would quickly go to see the professor. He had dragged on long enough and couldn't afford to wait any longer.
“I'm going to have to go away for the day.
- Oh okay…”
Harry's small voice made him turn around. He looked disappointed to be alone and Regulus didn't really understand. When he was his age and his parents went away, it was synonymous with music, chocolates and relaxation. The young boy's sad face annoyed Regulus. He who tried his best to make him comfortable failed miserably in his mission. He was weighing the pros and cons of taking Harry with him. It was double or nothing, either Slughorn would tell him everything if he saw the little one, or it would turn him away completely. He wouldn't really get a second chance but he couldn't leave him home alone in this state. Regulus could still use the child to make Slughorn feel guilty.
He looked at Harry again for a few seconds before giving in.
“Well, you can come but you have to promise me to be good. You will let me talk. I'm going to see one of my old teachers from Hogwarts. He knew your parents, especially your mother. But you're gonna have to keep a low profile and do what I tell you. Without discussion. If I tell you to stop, you will stop. If I tell you to run, you run. Is it clear ?”
Seeing the little one's face light up was heartening. Even though the looming concern almost already made him regret his proposition, seeing Harry swinging his legs happily on his chair made him smile briefly. After all, there was nothing to worry about. Slughorn was no threat and no one suspected that he was going to see the former Hogwarts teacher. Even less Harry being with him.
Regulus served them breakfast, setting the plate in front of Harry before sitting down across from him. He hoped he made the right bet but either way he had to take responsibility for the choices he made. One did not foster a child without suffering the inconveniences that went with it and not being able to leave him alone was one of them. This outing might allow Regulus to get to know Harry better. It had been almost a week since he picked him up from the Dursleys and the child was not really expressive about what he had been through. The wizard spent as much time as necessary answering his questions and seeing the child appreciate these teachings was enjoyable. Still, Harry was guarded.
He couldn't blame him, when you're a victim of abuse, talking quickly becomes difficult. Nevertheless, the boy now had clothes that fitted him, a room all to himself and as much food as he wanted.
The next step was to fully earn the little wizard's trust.
By late morning, Regulus and Harry were ready and standing in front of the fireplace in the house. He had sent Kreacher to warn Horace Slughorn of his visit. Better not come unannounced. When Regulus picked up the small leather bag containing the floo powder, he spotted Harry shifting from one foot to the other, watching him quizzically. Regulus realized a bit more every day the shortcomings the child had on magical culture.
"You'll go down the chimney with me, don't worry. Before ten years old, minors are not allowed to use the network of chimneys on their own. I'm not going to let you learn everything on your own, don't worry.”
The wizard stepped into the hearth and held out his hand to Harry. It was new for him, to have someone under his responsibility but he had no time to worry about that. Raising a child couldn't be that hard. It was a bit like the cat he had, the important thing was to feed him and give him affection, right? Regulus would strive to get it right.
Once Harry was at his side, the Black heir took the powder in his hand and loudly spoke the address. Green flames enveloped them and he felt his body being taken away. Harry's small hand gripped his tightly. The contact startled him slightly, having never been accustomed to physical contact, but he didn't release his grip, reassuring him with a simple pressure in return.
Once there, they emerged from the fireplace and were greeted by a balding, paunchy Slughorn. He wore a garish purple bathrobe that clashed with his green corduroy pants.
“Merlin, so it was true! Regulus Black is back!
-Professor Slughorn! It has been forever !
- Oh ! I haven't been a teacher for a while! But seeing you again reminds me of my youth. You were very good at potions!”
Regulus knew that he was a fairly average Potions student and that the only reason the man made him join his famous club was his last name. But the young Black had no problem with that. That was how relationships were made. Slughorn had more to gain than him but Regulus didn't care.
Shaking his hand, it took Horace a few moments to notice Harry. The latter remained beside him, having let go of his hand to hold his cloak. Regulus spotted the exact moment when Horace noticed the young wizard's presence. The man's chubby cheeks turned livid and his hand twitched in Regulus's.
"By Merlin's beard! Don't tell me… Is this Harry Potter? The Boy Who Lived?”
In the blink of an eye, Regulus did not exist anymore. All of the man's attention was on the child at his side. Eyes shining like a bird of prey, Slughorn grabbed Harry's shoulders before Regulus could intervene. He felt the boy's hand slip on the fabric of his cloak. Horace leaned over the child to examine him better.
“Yes it's him. And indirectly, that's what I'm here for. It has to deal with the one who made this mark on his forehead.
- Why ? You-Know-Who is missing. Dead. Poof! He does not exist anymore. I don't see how I could help you.
- You know very well that it is not as simple as that.”
Posting himself between the man and Harry, he guided the latter behind him, hoping that by removing him from Slughorn's vision, his attention would return to him. He didn't like how the man was looking at Harry. He had been looked at with those eyes his entire childhood and he didn't want James' son to go through the same thing.
Regulus was no fool. He knew the former teacher knew a lot more than he cared to admit.
But if there was one thing Regulus knew how to do it was to get what he wanted. And he wanted answers. He turned to Harry, asking him to take a walk around the house so that they could talk between grown ups, something he did without flinching, looking relieved to be away from the professor. Once alone with Slughorn, he watched him sweat while looking for a way to avoid the conversation.
“I know nothing. I never knew anything. The Ministry has already questioned me. Professor Dumbledore did too. I don't know anything, he's dead and buried.
– But no body was ever found, am I wrong?.
- Its’ even better ! No one will turn him into a saint or a martyr!”
Slughorn threw up his arms in a gesture of desperation. Regulus watches him walk aimlessly around the room. Slughorn looked like a cornered animal looking for a way to escape. The Black heir watched his interlocutor sit down in one of his huge velvet sofas. Reg could understand the panic that people took when the Dark Lord was mentioned. Even though he had been missing for almost ten years, his menacing aura still hung over the magical world like Damocles sword. But he couldn't afford to be afraid.
He had responsibilities now.
He had more than one debt to pay.
“You know very well he's coming back. One day or another. The only way to stop him is to destroy the horcruxes he made. Yes, I am aware. I also know that he didn't do just one. I need to know the exact number. He must have told you about it. You are a reference. He wouldn't tell anyone else.”
Astonishment showed on Slughorn's face. He didn't expect Regulus to know of the Horcruxes.
What the man didn't know was that the Dark Lord had made a mistake.
He had instructed the Black heir to fill the cave with muggles after making them drink a potion that would turn them into infernis when they died. Regulus hated doing this but it allowed him to have an essential information. From the moment he understood that Voldemort was hiding something, he only had a simple investigation to do with the help of Pandora.
Regulus continued to stare at the man. He would crack him up. His gaze could be penetrating enough to confuse anyone. There was a certain shame in Slughorn's coarse features. A shame he held onto for many years. He looked out the window to avoid Regulus’s stare.
Despite the pressure, Slughorn would not give in.
Except that Regulus didn't have the patience nor the time to wait for the professor to decide when to speak. He took his wand and pointed it at the professor.
“You know very well that I would have no trouble cursing you with a crucio to make you talk. I know this spell perfectly."
His wand digs into Slughorn's belly. Regulus would indeed have no qualms about torturing him, even though Harry was present.
The future depended on this information and whether it was Dumbledore or the Ministry, they all had been too kind to Horace. He was sweating profusely. He knew very well that Regulus would not back down.
The Blacks never backed down.
“I never wanted that. He was brilliant. Bright. In a way you can't imagine. I underestimated him. His question seemed so innocuous, a simple student with a future all traced who wondered about forgotten forms of magic. I saw no harm.
-If that magic is forgotten it was for a good reason, Professor.”
Regulus insisted on the last word. When he was still a student, Professor Slughorn was his favorite teacher. He always had high regards for him.
Knowing that he was partly responsible for Voldemort's rise to power disappointed him beyond measure. Not moving his wand, he leaned towards Horace in a threatening gesture.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw a dark head watching them. Well, Harry was there. He hoped Slughorn would notice. Adding to his guilt would help.
“Tell me what you know. Don't let James and Lily's deaths be in vain. You have the power of knowledge. Let me avenge Harry's parents. I can make sure he never comes back. I am able to find a solution to erase this threat.”
Maybe it was his posture or his tone but Harry stayed in the doorway. The little one obviously knew when he had to be forgotten. Regulus just hoped he wouldn't have to use a crucio. How do you explain to a child that he could trust him if he saw him torturing a man?
Regulus remembered that Horace liked Lily. Like all the teachers in Hogwarts. He hoped that the combination of his name plus the threat would make him give in.
"Don’t make me do that in front of Harry, Professor."
His shoulders slumped. Slughorn was not known for his courage and Reg was certain that if he had guessed what was about to happen, he would have deserted his house to hide.
But the fear of an unforgivable fate was stronger than his resolve.
“ When You-Know-Who came to me to tell me about his finding… I was surprised at first that he found a book that talked about this topic. The castle library is full of the most exciting books but some of them talk about bad things. Very bad. Horcruxes are one of them. He asked me if it was possible to create seven of them. Of course, I told him that making one was already a horrible act. Horrible. He swore to me that it was for informational purposes only. But I know he made seven. I know that. And every day I curse myself for guiding him to this magic. Not trying to dissuade him. I had no idea what he was going to do. Now get that wand off of me!”
Seven.
Little did he know there would be so many. It was going to be more complicated than expected. Regulus already didn't know how to destroy the one he had. So if he had to repeat the operation six times… Fortunately, he knew how to keep a certain composure otherwise he would collapse.
In ten years, no solution was found.
And Pandora was more advantaged than him thanks to her gifts of clairvoyance. Regulus straightened and put his wand away, motioning Harry out of hiding.
"Why didn't you tell anyone?
- Shame ? I am responsible for so much suffering.
- I hope you're ashamed. How can we destroy these horcruxes? Would the Godric Gryffindor artifact work? The sword that's in Dumbledore's office?
- I don't know. Maybe ? The properties of this sword are not known but I know Tom was interested in the Founders bequest. Maybe he wanted to remove the threat of an object powerful enough to destroy his Horcruxes.”
The sword. He needed it.
The problem was Dumbledore.
He didn't seem to be on his side. The headmaster wasn't going to give him the sword so easily, especially since it was a priceless relic. Regulus turned to Harry. They had to go back so he could send letters.
“Good. Thanks for these informations.
-Don't tell Dumbledore about me.
- We will see about that.”
Regulus motioned Harry to follow him to the fireplace. There was no point in continuing this conversation. He managed to get the information he wanted. Now he had to find Voldemort's other six Horcruxes and destroy them.
Chapter Text
REMUS
Remus knew he shouldn't have lied to Sturgis before leaving. He had used the fact that he had to attend a seminar in London as an excuse to go away for two days. It was the first time he'd lied to him like that and he hated hiding things from him.
But he also knew that the man wouldn't understand. He could turn the situation on its head, but Regulus's return was proof that he could no longer hide.
Rem wondered if Sirius knew, if he had had access to the Daily Prophet.
No, he shouldn't think about him. Running away from his past was one thing, thinking about Sirius Black was another.
One thing at a time.
On the way, Lupin tried to sort out all the questions he wanted to ask Regulus, but above all, he played out all the possible scenarios that could happen once he was in front of the House of Black. The man had given up wondering where Sirius's younger brother had managed to hide out over the last few years; he didn't like the answers that were coming into his head.
Arriving in London, he got off the train and hesitated to go straight to Regulus.
He had only been to Grimmauld Place once before, in the summer of 1974. He had accompanied James to fetch Sirius after Sirius had sent them a most disturbing letter. The boy had rarely been so nervous and remembered James reassuring him with a joke.
It was at times like these that he missed his friend terribly.
They had only known each other for ten years, but they had been the happiest ten years of his life.
He regretted nothing, not even the prank during the fifth year.
His lips pursed as he thought of Sirius. He was definitely not going to be able to avoid these thoughts.
He had to steel himself not to break down thinking about him.
He loved Sturgis but Sirius was his soulmate.
He knew he was in Azkaban, but as far as he was concerned, he had died in 1981 when he had betrayed them all.
Remus shook his head to put the face of the Black heir from his mind. A shower was what he needed, along with a little rest and then Rem would go to Grimmauld Place first thing the next morning.
Lupin had booked a small, modest room on the outskirts of the city so that he could rest and think away from the hustle and bustle of the city. The shower hadn't relaxed him and he hadn't been able to sleep a wink, counting the stains on the ceiling above his bed.
9.07pm.
It was impossible for him to get through the night. After getting dressed, he put on his shoes, looked at the phone beside the bed and hesitated to call Sturgis but changed his mind and left the room.
Remus didn't need a map to know where to go, he knew London well. The House of Black was hidden with the help of a spell, but it was easy to find if you knew where to look.
Like other pureblood families, the Blacks had guarded this house for centuries. Legend even has it that it was here before London existed, and that was a theory Remus liked.
The Noble and Ancient House of Black, evolving around this building.
Letting his footsteps guide him, he regretted not having taken a jacket, the evening chill biting at his cheeks and even walking fast, he couldn't keep warm. Lupin knew that it was just the stress that was making him shiver and not the temperature outside. It was one of the few advantages of being a werewolf, he was never really cold.
His knuckles struck the door of number 12 with force.
He knew he couldn't back down, not now that he'd announced himself.
His heart threatened to burst from his chest but he wouldn't back down.
The former Gryffindor was still a brave man.
Time stood still as the door opened and he looked down at the old Sirius elf. What was his name again? Kreacher? Something like that.
"Hello. I know it's late, but I need to see Regulus Black. I'm Remus Lupin, a... former friend of Sirius."
Friend was not the most appropriate term to use when talking about his relationship with the Black, but this was not the time to go into explanations that the elf didn't need to hear. Kreacher looked him up and down with an expression that only the Black house elf could afford and let him in.
Remus was immediately struck by the atmosphere that reigned here. Far from the heavy atmosphere he remembered, what little he could see didn't exude anything welcoming either, but it was still better than before.
The dark-haired man raised his head towards the stairs as he heard someone coming down. He didn't have time to see who it was before his attention was drawn to Regulus who had just arrived in the hall.
"Remus Lupin. I expected to see you here. You could have sent me a letter to announce you, that's the least I could do."
Remus had almost forgotten the feeling that went through him when he was in the presence of a Black.
This family had an almost supernatural beauty and their presence could not be ignored.
People often said that the Black family were closer to the gods than to wizards and he had no trouble understanding why this was said of them.
Although Lupin had prepared himself for this encounter, reality hit him in the face. All the emotions he had tried to suppress were threatening to explode. He took a deep breath before replying.
"I wasn't sure that a letter would guarantee me an invitation. Besides, I was in the area. I wanted to check that the Daily Prophet was telling the truth. That you were alive and well.
-We'll never know because you didn't send a letter. And I'm very much alive, as you can see. I was surprised to hear that you had withdrawn from the magical world. Isn't that why you didn't get custody of Harry?"
His breath hitched at the mention of the boy.
Regulus wasted no time in pointing out his past mistakes.
However, Remus was surprised to hear the Black speak like this. He'd disappeared when the war was at its height, so how could he imply that he hadn't wanted Harry? Regulus didn't know what had happened. If being a werewolf hadn't been an obstacle, he would have adopted Harry. He would have protected him.
"Dumbledore didn't see fit to entrust it to me. He had doubts about my loyalty after what had happened with Sirius. He thought I was too dangerous to look after a child and he was right. He assured me that Harry was in good hands and I trust him on that.
-Oh yes, I'd almost forgotten you were a werewolf,’" said Reg coldly.
Remus felt his blood boil but was distracted when he heard another noise on the stairs. Regulus followed his gaze before telling the entity on the stairs that he could come down. Lupin heard Reg mumble something about ‘being as curious as his father’.
He didn't have time to think about who he might be referring to when the source of the noises finally appeared.
He had a moment's doubt, there was no way James could be there. He was dead and even if Regulus' return challenged his beliefs, he had to face the fact that it wasn't his friend in front of him.
"Harry."
He felt his knees threaten to give out under the emotion.
The boy looked at him curiously before moving closer to Regulus and giving him a questioning look.
"Is it true that he's a werewolf?"
Remus witnessed a surprising interaction between Harry, who still seemed a stranger to this this world, and Regulus, who was trying as best he could to explain things gently.
Despite the dozens and dozens of scenarios he had thought up, he had never thought of this possibility.
He never thought he'd see Harry again, James and Lily's son.
After a few minutes, Regulus looked at Remus again.
"Harry, this is Remus Lupin. He was a friend of your parents.
-Good evening, Monsieur Werewolf!"
He hadn't called him ‘Uncle Moony’ like he used to when he was little.
How could he remember that? He'd only been a baby the last time he'd seen him.
Almost ten years had passed. Ten years in which Remus had not been there for the little boy.
His friends would have been ashamed of him, ashamed that he hadn't fought for their son.
"You can call me...Remus.
-Right, Remus the werewolf! Is it true that you knew my parents?
-Yes, I knew them very well."
He moved closer to Harry to get a better look at him, as if he wasn't sure whether the child was really in front of him.
He had the same expression as James, that spontaneity so typical of his father. A naivety that others sometimes mistook for arrogance - even though James was, indeed, arrogant.
No one but James's son would call him ‘Remus the Werewolf’ with such innocence of what it implied.
Lupin didn't dare touch him, not when he was wracked with guilt.
He knew that Dumbledore had been right not to confide in him and yet he thought every day about the boy who was now in front of him. Remus turned his head towards Regulus. New questions flashed through his mind.
"But how?"
Reg put his hands on Harry's shoulders before asking Kreatur to take him to bed. The boy didn't protest and followed the elf before turning back to Regulus.
"Can we invite him to the tea party so we can ask him some questions?
-If you like. Bedtime now."
Harry's face lit up and he ran back to his room. The hall was silent again for a few seconds before Reggie broke the silence.
"Let's have a chat in the living room. I think we have a lot to talk about."
Chapter Text
REMUS
JANUARY 30, 1982
Remus, thank God you picked up. I beg you, come to Godrics Hollow before Sirius- James! No, no, no, no, no, no! Harry, Mummy loves you. Harry, Dadda loves you. Harry, be safe. Be strong.
Remus heard a scream that woke him up. He didn't know if it was his or Lily's.
It was the same nightmare he'd been having for weeks, even though he knew it wasn't a nightmare but a memory. A horrible memory. He reached for the bottle of whisky on his bedside table and sat up to take a sip.
He hoped one day he'd never wake up, never again feel the emptiness inside him that he could only fill with alcohol.
His step was sluggish and he almost fell over because of the clothes on the floor. He went out to get the day's paper from his door and fell heavily into the only chair in his kitchen after making a cup of coffee and lighting a cigarette.
His flat was a shadow of its former self.
Remus still couldn't leave.
There were still souvenirs of his friends, the corner of the table slightly burnt because of Peter, a leather jacket that belonged to Sirius that he had forgotten on his last visit. Mary's little note on the slate on the fridge or that three-legged chair James had fused to the wall after he'd broken the fourth leg.
Even if the walls had known magic, had known life, there was nothing magical left in his environment, not a shred of joy.
Remus had put his wand away and lived like a Muggle most of the time. Maybe if he believed hard enough, he'd become one - well, except on full moon days.
As he adds more alcohol to his coffee, his eyes mark the day's date.
30th January 1982.
He froze, making his cup overflow.
It was Lily's birthday. She would have been 22 today.
His throat tightened and he swept his hand across the table. Remus was angry, and had been ever since his life had been turned upside down on 31 October 1981. How could he have forgotten the date? He read the paper every day and hadn't anticipated the date. It was logical though, after the 29th came the 30th. But that hadn't changed the shock he felt.
His reality had been distorted ever since he had fallen into alcohol. His brain had just stopped working.
Time and space no longer mattered, and neither did gravity.
Kneeling on the floor, memories of the redhead took over his mind.
Her arms around him, she kept telling him that everything would be all right. That he was loved and safe. That he would never be alone again. Lily couldn't have known at the time that she was lying. That she would no longer be there, just a few years after promising to be by his side for the rest of his life. It wasn't their fault, James and Lily had been betrayed.
They all had been.
Victims of a prophecy, victims of war.
After several hours, Remus awoke from his lethargy. With a glance at the clock, he decided to go to Godric's Hollow. It was the least he could do. Even though he hadn't been back there since that night, he wanted to see her, to show her that he was still thinking about her. That her memory would never leave him.
*
Evening had already fallen, the streets were quiet and snow covered the ground in Godric's Hollow cemetery.
Rem had had no trouble finding the grave.
It was the most recent.
The most flowery.
The young man crouched down to place the bouquet he had brought, a bunch of irises. He could see the cards of the people who had probably come earlier in the day. Former Hogwarts students, McGonagall and...
"Mary.
-What took you so long? I was beginning to think you weren't coming or that you'd forgotten."
Lupin straightened up, surprised to see her here. Her features were drawn, her eyes slightly red from crying. Mary McDonalds was a very good friend.
But they hadn't seen each other since he had fallen into depression.
The boy's gaze searched for someone around them. The witch noticed him and answered his silent question.
"Dean is in the car, asleep."
The witch moved closer to Remus and put her arm around him, resting her head on his shoulder.
He let her, feeling his heart clench.
No one had touched him for a long time. He'd almost forgotten how good it felt.
His gaze lingered on the car below before looking back at Mary.
"You shouldn't stay here so late.
-Do you want to see him? I hear he looks like his father,’ Mary said as if she hadn't heard what Remus had said, her tone suddenly less light. You should go and see him. I think tonight's your last chance."
The wolf steps aside, frowning. What does she mean ‘your last chance’? He didn't understand. He knew he'd shut himself off, but Mary was dear to him. They were the only survivors of their group. He hadn't seen Dean for several months but couldn't see what the witch was getting at.
Seeing his friend's puzzled expression, the young woman took his face in her hands so that he was on a level with her.
"I wanted to see you one last time. I can't do it anymore, Remus. It's just too hard. I thought I was going to be able to get over my grief but I can't. I'm becoming a bad mother and that's not what I want for my son.
-Mary, you worry me. What's going on with you? What are you going to do about it?
-Don't worry, Moony. I've already thought of everything. I just wanted to see you and ask you one last favour. "
Remus stared at his friend. No matter how hard he tried to find out what she was thinking, he couldn't.
Mary had always been a brave girl, and this was one of the reasons why she was so brave. Mary had always been brave and what was happening now seemed to be asking a lot of it. So he decided to follow her lead, gather his courage and invite her to continue.
"I'm going to obliviate me. I'd like you to pick up my wand when I've done it. Don't worry, I've bought a small house in a port town in Wales. I've got a job as a Muggle. I'll live like one of them, with Dean. It's the only way I can get on with my life.
-Isn't there anything I can do to... ease your pain? Anything at all?
-No, I've already made up my mind."
Remus's mind was threatening to collapse for the second time that day.
Was he going to end his days alone?
The possibility was becoming more and more realistic. He had never been selfish and he knew that Mary had thought things through.
It wasn't the kind of decision that was taken lightly. She seemed to have thought of everything so there was nothing he could say that would make her change her mind.
The boy put his arms around her to hold her close one last time.
"You'll always be in my heart, Mary."
Feeling his friend's arms around him and squeezing him tightly broke his heart.
He didn't want to say goodbye, but at least he had the chance to see her one last time.
He hadn't had that chance with the others and neither had she.
Remus walked her to her car, watching Dean sleep in his child seat. Mary sat behind the wheel and took out her wand, pointing it at his temple.
The young man had never seen her so terrified and yet so sure of herself. Determined.
He looked at her, standing beside the car. Tears rolled down his cheeks, unable to hold back as Mary cast the spell that would erase the magical world from his mind.
"Obliviate"
Chapter Text
REGULUS
The alcohol was not strong enough for the conversation that was to follow. It was strange seeing Remus ten years older. He had always found that Lupin looked much older than his age and that was confirmed. Life was not going to be easy for him. It hadn't been for anyone, from what he understood, but Regulus was not the type of person to feel sorry for the fate of others.
He had been surprised not to see Lupin earlier.
Although he was a year older, the war had brought them more or less closer, which had surely contributed to the fact that the Order thought he was a spy in Voldemort's pay.
While it was quite the opposite.
"Sit down damn it, you’re making me dizzy!"
Remus gives him a cold look, as if he is in a position to be angry with him but obeys him.
While looking at his half-empty glass, the wizard let out a sigh.
"You must have questions. You didn't come all the way here to enjoy my wine cellar.
—Of course I have questions. I have dozens of them. Where were you ? How did you manage to hide from You-Know-Who? Why did you get Harry back? Why did you decide to come back now?
—Easy, one question at a time, Reg grumbles, finishing his drink in one gulp. Before answering you, you must know that what I am going to tell you must remain secret. I'm doing you this favor for old times' sake, as they say."
Silence fell on the room.
Obviously, these "good old days" that Regulus had mentioned were not so good, given the expression of his interlocutor.
However, it was better to put things into perspective. He knew Remus was trustworthy.
At least, until Dumbledore got involved. Maybe he should be wary but he knew Remus would be useful to him, after all he had been a great asset back then.
He just had to be ready to hear what he had to say.
After a nod of approval from Remus, Reg continued:
"I didn't hide. I was more or less... out of harm's way. Pandora brought me back, at the cost of her life. I didn't decide to come back on my own. I was just presented with the accomplished thing. As for Harry... I knew he was the reason You-Know-Who disappeared. But I also know that he did not definitively defeat him. That He will come back. So I must protect the little one and I must find a solution to definitively destroy the Dark Lord."
A new silence.
Remus looked perplexed. Regulus felt he had been quite clear in his explanation, even if he had consciously omitted the existence of Horcruxes.
He knew the wolf was going to ask how he could be sure of Voldemort's return but he preferred to save this card for later.
His glass is filled thanks to the bottle of wine which is levitating next to him.
Patience had never been a quality that defined him and Remus felt it as he finally began to speak.
"How can you be so sure that You-Know-Who will come back?
—You’re going to have to trust me on this one.
—The last time I trusted a Black, it ended pretty badly."
Regulus could sense the bitterness in Remus' voice. He was clearly referring to Sirius and how could you not agree with him? His brother had betrayed him so it didn't surprise him that he had also betrayed the werewolf.
"Except I'm not Sirius. Everyone seems to forget it. You've trusted me before and I haven't betrayed you, as far as I know."
Reg's annoyed tone betrayed that he was hurt to be compared to Sirius again.
He knew that they looked the same physically, sometimes they spoke the same way but they were very different.
And Remus knew it.
"Does Dumbledore know?
—Of course he knows. But if I were you, I wouldn't count on his help. He abandoned us all ten years ago, I doubt he has changed to the point of helping us without getting something out of it."
Remus suddenly gets up from his sofa, looking revolted.
Black had to admit that Dumbledore knew how to manipulate crowds.
He himself had believed in his speeches, in the fact that he was going to protect them all.
But that was before.
He raises his hand to ask Remus to sit back down, wanting to be as diplomatic as possible.
"Let's calm down, Lupin. I know the notion of loyalty is stronger among people like you, but think for a moment. Who is You-Know-Who most afraid of?
—Dumbledore.
—And who faced him three times before he disappeared ?"
After a long silence, Remus finally answered.
"Us."
Lupin's heavy body fell onto the sofa.
He finally seemed to understand. A little late, yes, but we couldn't blame him.
Dumbledore had planted his seeds in their minds early enough. Regulus had also fallen from a height when he found himself faced with the truth.
They had been nothing but cannon fodder for the mage.
He watched Remus realize what he had just said. It was one thing to fight Voldemort but if they also had to distrust Dumbledore, it would complicate everything and Lupin was aware of that.
He had that same expression as the day Regulus came to see him to give him a letter addressed to Sirius.
A mental battle was taking place. After several minutes, Remus finally spoke.
"So if I summarize, You-Know-Who could come back at any moment, Dumbledore has his own plans and you come back from the dead to prevent all these beautiful people from starting a new war while raising Harry?
—That's right. I already have some ideas but alone, it takes time.
—Okay, I’m in."
Regulus could see the determination in Remus's eyes and for the first time since waking up at Pandora's, he didn't feel alone.
Chapter Text
REGULUS
Two weeks had passed since Remus' visit.
The sunny days were beginning to arrive and with that, the effervescence of spring. Before leaving, Remus had promised that he would return quickly, the time to settle a few cases and Regulus had believed it.
Unfortunately, no news had come knocking on his door.
He was starting to get impatient and even though it had been a few days since Harry had talked about Lupin, he knew that the boy was just as impatient.
"What is Quidditch?"
Regulus raised his head of his tea to observe the little Potter lying on his stomach in the living room, reading the newspaper.
"It's a sport. The best of all, if you want my opinion. It is practised in the air.
- In the air?! Harry exclaimed, turning to Reg. But how do they do it if the ball falls? Or is it done without it ?"
The man was always fascinated by the enthusiasm Harry had when he learned something about the wizarding world.
He couldn't blame him, all this was still new to him.
He then began to explain the rules of the Quidditch and Harry listened very carefully to what he was saying, which changed from the time he spoke potions.
Like, he was James Potter's son, no doubt about it.
"But it must be a little complicated to understand. What if I took you to see a game? Chudley Cannons are playing tonight, I should manage to find seats."
The child jumped on his feet and began to jump on the spot under the excitement.
To believe that there was nothing more wonderful to offer him and maybe that was the case.
Regulus remembered the first time he attended a game. Fortunately, Walburga held him because he could have passed over the rebar so much he didn't want to miss anything of the game.
And yet, he had never missed anything but every game he could attend was the equivalent of an invaluable gift.
Regulus then finishes his tea and asks a servant to bring him something to write a letter.
Given his status, the Black heir will have no trouble having seats and this will be an opportunity to show Harry how famous he is.
Until now, Black had refrained from showing the boy too much to the world but he could not lock him up.
He did not deserve such treatment.
He deserved to know the joys of being a child.
Shortly after, Regulus and Harry were ready to leave for London's Quidditch Stadium.
Reg no longer had any team jerseys to lend to Harry, telling himself that he would buy him one on the spot.
The crowd was crowding in the stands as he held Harry's hand to go to the VIP balcony.
The boy placed the scarf in the colours of the Chudleys on his shoulders, failing to unhook his neck to look at everything.
"Definitely, Regulus Black is full of surprises. I didn't expect to see you with the boy who survived."
Lucius' voice snatched a grimace from him. He should have expected to see him here.
Harry had noticed absolutely nothing, too busy watching everything.
Reg says hi to Draco who was also there, before answering Lucius.
"And is that a problem for you?
-To me? Absolutely not. The Dark Lord is no longer there to be dissatisfied with your choices."
The blonde had said this last sentence in a low tone so that no one except Reg could hear it.
He supports Malfoy's gaze before turning to Harry.
"Harry, this is Lucius Malfoy. He's my cousin's husband. And here is his son, Draco."
Potter did not calculate Lucius, looking at Draco.
It was the first time he saw a child his age in the wizarding world.
Draco held out his hand with a stuck air and far too mature for his age.
"Draco Malfoy."
Harry shook his hand before the match's commentators announced that the players would enter the field.
The two children rush to the ramp to see everything.
They both looked diametrically opposed.
One with almost white blonde hair, the other with almost black hair. Draco's pale complexion denoted next to Harry's tanned complexion.
And yet, they seemed to know each other, Draco showing all the players to Harry with a certain excitement for this sport.
At a glance, Regulus noticed that Lucius looked upset.
He wondered what he could think of at this moment, seeing his son with Harry, a half- blood, the one who had defeated Lord Voldemort.
The match was in full swing and the two children were having fun.
Regulus could hear the murmurs behind him.
Harry's presence left no one indifferent but none dared to come to talk to him, the privilege of being accompanied by Regulus Black.
"Father, can I come to Uncle Regulus's to play with Harry?
Despite his pure-blooded education, Draco remained a child.
And Harry's face showed that it was the first time he had made a friend.
"I don't believe that -
- Lucius, I'll take your son back tomorrow morning. He has never had the opportunity to see the house and yet he is a Black child. This will be the opportunity. You don't mind, I hope?"
The question was not really one. Lucius sketched a brief grimace before accepting.
"Good. Harry, Draco, let's go home."
*
In the past, 12 Grimmauld Place was a home full of life.
The entire Black family often came and no matter the number, the house adapted.
The architect who built the place was the same one who built the room on request.
The house therefore adapted to the needs, to its occupants.
Seeing it so small, so frozen was really sad so seeing Draco and Harry exploring the place with children's eyes warmed Regulus' heart.
He wondered if James would have liked Harry to meet Draco.
After all, they were more or less distant cousins.
After reflection, it is said that it may not be worse.
Draco didn't seem to be a bad boy.
He was just far too much under the influence of his father.
Lucius had always been pretentious, seeing himself more important than he was. It was therefore not surprising that he passed on his expectations to Draco. Especially since he had married Narcissa, which made Draco one of the last Blacks, even if he was called Malfoy.
Regulus went to the family tapestry.
He had not entered this room since his return.
It had not really changed, other than a few branches had been added.
With his finger, he travelled through the branches, starting from his grandparents Pollux and Irma. While giving birth to Walburga, Pollux's parents had a last child, Dorea Black.
Regulus' great-aunt married Charlus Potter and gave birth to James.
What made James Walburga's cousin.
Virtually every pure-blooded wizard was attached in one way or another to the main branch of the Blacks.
There were still two Black branches.
One being that of Narcissa who therefore had Draco and the other, Bellatrix, who had not had a child.
The tapestry could change itself, when a child was born, when one of the members died.
As Regulus looked at his name, the date of his death was unclear.
"Mistress Walburga has never lost hope of seeing you come back. But she was too sad. So sad. She was alone. A Black alone in the world is an absolutely terrible thing."
Regulus turned his head towards Kreatur who was watching him.
His mother had lost her mind, the last years he was there, the fight with Sirius having destroyed the last ounce of love she had.
However, he knew that Walburga had done her best to love them.
Reggie turned his attention to the tapestry.
He wondered why there was always this blurred trace instead of the date of his death.
Perhaps by being an inferi, being between life and death, the tapestry could not understand.
His fingers touch the burnt thread at his brother's level.
While denied people like Alphard or Andromeda could have been reintegrated into the family, Walburga had made sure that it was no longer possible with Sirius by burning his portrait.
"Prepare the bed for Draco, it's late. We should all go to sleep."
The house elf executes, leaving Regulus alone in the room, to observe this tapestry.
Regulus did not know how long he had been in the tapestry room.
The moon was high and the house was quiet. The children were probably sleeping. He liked to know that the youth was once again stepping on the parquet of the manor.
He remembered a time when he was a child himself, when life was running from the walls and laughter was everywhere. A distant but happy memory, when his mother was still in her right mind, when she had Sirius.
He let himself be swept through the various corridors of the manor which appeared as he walked. He did not know where he wanted to go and yet the house led him in front of his mother’s room. Regulus had not set foot in it since he returned.
His silver eyes had been placed on the wooden door where it was written in golden letters «W A B et O P B» for Walburga Andromede Black and Orion Pollux Black.
He knew that it was also his father’s room but Orion rarely went there.
His fingers were on the door handle.
He hesitated, as if the ban on crossing that line was still in effect.
Reg’s main quality was not courage, otherwise he would have gone to Gryffindor but after taking a big breath and entering the room.
He did not know what he expected, perhaps to find a cold and austere room but it was as in his memory. The last time he was allowed in, he was still a child. Just before he came back to Hogwarts.
"Regulus. Is that you?"
With a sudden burst, the wizard looked for where his mother’s voice came from.
His heart was beating fast when he finally noticed the painting of his mother.
In a moment, he was again a child looking for his mother. Regulus had always been what was called a mother’s son. Sirius was for Orion, Regulus was in Walburga.
"Mom?" he said in a fluffy voice.
He rushed to the portrait in front of the canopy bed, the frame was draped with a thick dark curtain that he banished with a stroke of his wand. Seeing the matriarch, Regulus' first reflex was to reach out as if he could touch her.
She had a soft look and looked like she was the same age as him at that moment. The portrait was probably a few weeks after his own birth.
Why didn’t he think of looking for it in the paintings?
Maybe he just wasn’t ready for it. He felt that he was crying. He never really took the time to mourn all that he had lost.
He puts his forehead on the board as if she could touch it and reassure him.
"What happened to you, my little star?
—I miss you, Mom. I’m sorry I didn’t warn you that I might not be coming home.
— It’s nothing. I never resented you, Sirius, for leaving. I hoped you would flourish. I did not understand the message of the tapestry. That is what crushed me.
—I’m sorry, so sorry.” Regulus' voice was breaking with guilt.
The sobs gave spasms to his body. He was so sorry for himself, Regulus had never paid attention to the fact that his mother could have been grieving over Sirius' escape.
He was certain that she hated his elder, from the moment he had been returned to Gryffindor. He had forgotten the times when Walburga held Sirius’s hand as a child, and when she treated him after punishment.
The human brain was something surprising, memories were sorted according to what you wanted to believe. After a few moments when he could not calm his tears, Reggie tried to concentrate on the melody that his mother was humming.
The same song she sang when he was little or when she found out that he had been marked.
“Regulus. I want you to promise me that you will do everything possible to ensure that this house is not empty any more. The war has destroyed our family. Don’t let the Blacks die. I feel two children. Keep going. Whatever it takes. You’re now the master of the place. Master of the noble Black family. I could not speak to you again, next time we see each other. This is a simple fragment of my soul that was waiting for the return of Sirius or you.
—No, don’t go! I need you, I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know, the tone of Regulus was begging.
— Of course you know. You are my son. Dry your tears. Rebuild our dynasty. I will always be with you. I am so glad you are alive. My son. My little star. My little miracle. You are a man now. Remember that we are closer to the gods than anyone else.” The matriarch’s voice was firm yet maternal.
Regulus dried his tears while listening to his mother. He was still hiccupping from his sobs.
"I promise you. I promise you that I will fix it."
Following the promise of her son, Walburga smiles proudly before disappearing from the picture.
Reg stood there for a few more minutes to catch his breath and forever banish his tears.
He had to go to sleep, he could not afford to let himself go while Harry and Draco were here.
As he walked to his room, he felt that the atmosphere of the mansion was lighter.
The house was now totally his, the soul fragment of Walburga having disappeared.
Even though he had cried, he was happy to have a last conversation with his mother. He played the words of Walburga in his mind as he sought sleep, lying in bed. He had family pressure on his shoulders but he was not going to give up.
It was only the beginning of his ascent.
Chapter Text
REGULUS
Waking up was difficult. Regulus had spent the night trying to fall asleep and had only managed to sleep by the end of the morning. Dragging himself out of bed, Regulus swallowed an energising potion in one fell swoop and came out of his room.
He could hear the voices of Harry and Draco who were actively talking about Quidditch, and the memory of the day before came back to him. It had been an intense day.
"... go to games every time? Oh, Uncle Reg! Did you know that Draco had his own broom? Could I have one for my birthday?
—If that’s what you want.
—So, Draco, did you have a good time? I hope you tell your mother that I’m a good host.”
Regulus passed behind the boys, patting their heads with a quiet gesture and then sat down at the breakfast table with them. Draco nodded forcefully. Reg almost felt he had relaxed a little bit. It pleased him.
" You can come here whenever you wish. I think it would please Harry", said Regulus once he had his coffee.
" Yes! we’re friends now!
—Okay, I’ll ask Dad if I can come back.”
Draco made a pinched smile that was probably trying to stay as calm as possible. Kreacher arrived in the kitchen to give the daily newspaper and the rest of the mail to Regulus, who quickly went through it. The children had gone back to their rooms to play, taking with them the sound of their discussion.
The newspaper had nothing to offer except a picture of the match from the day before and more specifically, the VIP grandstand with the headline :
HARRY POTTER IN THE WIZARDING WORLD WITH HIS GUARDIAN, REGULUS BLACK.
He rolled his eyes before putting the newspaper down and looked at the mail. Bills, letters from pure blood families but the one that attracted his attention was a slightly yellowed envelope of poor quality.
Regulus stood up and went to the drawing room to open this letter, and he could see that it was from Remus. He seemed rather stingy with words, the letter contained only a few sentences, as if he had written it in haste and in secret.
A sigh escaped from the man’s nose before putting the envelope and its contents in an inner pocket.
"Kreacher, I have to leave for a few hours. I’ll be back by lunch. In the meantime, nobody comes in or out of the house."
Regulus didn’t need to call the elf. He knew he was still around, waiting for someone to ask him something.
*
The wizard London had always had something magical in his eyes. Like the Muggle side of the city, the wizard side had mixed neighborhoods. Everyone could find a nice place where you could be or even.
He then returned to the artists' quarter where instruments played alone and gave the rhythm to a dancer.
He passed in front of a tattoo shop where a rune master could apply protection symbols but also tattoo you the portrait of the Velane that you had just fallen in love with.
Although it was only in the morning, the main street was alive, as if it never slept, out of time. He was heading for a bar that was also a cafe, in one of the perpendicular streets. Once inside, Regulus did not attract attention.
After all, he had used the Glamour’s spell to change his physical appearance a little, under Remus' instructions. The sorcerer was therefore unrecognizable. He settled down at one of the tables in the back before ordering a coffee and waiting. Just a few minutes later, a pale-skinned blond man stood in front of him.
He had to confess that he did not recognize Remus under the spell.
" I was afraid you wouldn’t come.
—You were the one who played dead for two weeks. I didn’t.”
The waiter dropped off the coffee and Remus ordered a hot chocolate before watching Regulus.
He looked tense, it could be seen by the joint of his hands clenched together. They remained silent until the second cup was there.
"Then why did you bring me here?
— I needed to see you to talk. I know I should have contacted you earlier but I had a problem. And that’s what I’d like to talk about.”
Regulus invited the lycanthrope to continue. Whatever he was about to ask, Remus looked tense. Maybe the rings were just part of the disguise but he doubted it.
"I was wondering if I could come and live in the mansion. It would only be a few days, time for me to bounce back but... I’m no longer with the person who shared my life and I’ve already squatted a friend’s couch these last days. I’m a little short on resources.”
So, this was a surprise. Remus Lupin asked him for a favor. The sorcerer scratched his cheek while staring at him, holding back a funny smile on his lips.
" For a few days, hm?
—Yes, at most a month. I know you don’t have to accept but it would help me.
—Okay. I guess it will help us to be able to work anytime.”
While Regulus studied the face of Lupin, he tried to decipher his look. They had decided to trust and help each other to prevent the return of Voldemort. He was able to see how far Relus could go. Finishing his coffee and without asking any more questions about Remus' love affair, Reg stood up while Remus left a small tip to the waiter.
"We’ll go home then. Better get to work now. I warn you, my nephew is at home with Harry. He’s leaving in the afternoon."
The rest of the journey was fairly quick and quiet. Once at the Square, they dropped their disguises and entered the mansion, the laughter of Harry and Draco resounded to their ears.
“Kreacher, get a room ready for Remus, he’s going to stay a few days. Tell the boys to come down and say hello.”
He walked to the salon which he had left quickly a few hours ago. You could smell the meal being cooked, the servants always so discreet. Remus always looked crisp and strange in that place. You couldn’t blame him, but it blew Regulus away.
Harry ran down the hallways to greet Remus. Reg was always impressed by his ability to be sociable but maybe deep down he knew who Remus was. Draco was a little more reserved, having put on his perfect pure-blood mask for the guests.
"Draco, this is Remus Lupin. Remus, Draco Malfoy."
Draco didn’t seem to want to touch Remus. How to blame him, he had a class-contempt upbringing and Remus’s clothes alone showed his social status.
"I will go and get my bags, and I will come back in the afternoon," said Remus with some embarrassment before he slid away."
The lunch passed quietly and Draco returned to his home promising Harry that he would write. Regulus looked at the little boy who looked tired from that day with Malfoy but seemed happy.
" You had a good time with Draco, I think.
—Oh yes! He told me a lot of things! said Harry with stars in his eyes. Can we invite him again?
—Sure. Go get some rest now."
Once alone, Regulus went to the Black library to do his research while waiting for Remus to return.
It was strange to think that he would live there, even if it was only for a few days. It would certainly do her good to talk to another adult.
Harry was nice but there was still a child and Reg refused to make him grow too fast.
It was a few hours before Remus popped his nose into the library.
"I thought a lot about what you said to me last time. About Dumbledore and You-Know-Who."
Far from being afraid, Black was nevertheless surprised by this introduction. He beckoned to him to sit in one of the chairs, finishing his scroll by inviting him to continue.
Remus did so, leaving his gaze hanging over the thousands of books that were composed in the library.
" Actually, I’ve been thinking about that for the last couple of weeks, Remus takes a break before he starts again. Something’s wrong. If You-Know-Who is coming back, why didn’t Albus himself keep Harry? Or leave him to Minerva? Leaving him with mugs was irresponsible, so I came to the conclusion that he certainly did it for Petunia. Lily had extraordinary magical abilities. Her magic was pure, white. As you probably know, there hasn’t been a White Mage in decades. The last time I saw her, for Harry’s first birthday, she told me that she had developed a protection spell similar to the Trace. That Harry would be protected if something happened to them. She didn’t explain it in detail but I knew she had told Dumbledore. Maybe he had more information than I did or thought that Petunia was connected to this protection, as they share the same blood.”
Regulus was doubtful. He had taken Harry with such ease that he doubted the effectiveness of this so-called protection. He looked at Remus who always seemed to think hard.
Unless Lily specifically took care to make sure he was not affected by the spell, he doubted this theory.
He put his scroll away with a wand gesture before bearing his intention on Lupin.
" In any case, Albus' decisions are never made at random.
— I know. And he’s always one step ahead. What I can’t figure out is why he’s not helping us if he knows that You-Know-Who will be back.
— Because he’s waiting. He doesn’t know exactly how Voldemort is going to come back, so he waits to find out more, to find out how. But I know.”
The mention of Voldemort made a face for Remus. He found it ridiculous to still be afraid of a name. It was useless, there was no taboo on it. Just an old superstition. Regulus stood up to get a particular book. Once in hand, give it to Remus.
" I suppose you have nothing against reading a little? Many passages are in Latin but you should not have any difficulty in reading it. I wrote down the interesting chapters myself. I knew where to look with Pandora’s help. She had foresight, she was good. She once told me about a term I had never heard. Horcruxes. I did a lot of research to find out more. It is an ancient magic, dangerous. So forbidden that it is barely mentioned in some books. And it is through this magic that Voldemort will return.”
Remus was leafing through the book given by Reg. Frowning, he listened, seeming to try to assimilate the information.
" Horcruxes. I’ve never heard of them. Do you know how to destroy them?
— That’s right. That’s the whole problem. Kreacher didn’t succeed and Pandora Lestrange was the only one who knew. She swore to me that she would do whatever it took to find a way to destroy them, and left notes for me, but she only had hypotheses.”
Talking about Pandora was painful. He had not been able to attend her funeral and had not returned to the Lovegood family. He knew that the escape was not a solution but he could not find the courage to go to this Xenophilius.
Regulus watched Lupin as he went through the book. He already looked focused.
" Could I access the Pandora notes?
—I’ll have it put up in your room, said Reg before returning to his desk.
—Regulus, is it because you tried to destroy a horcruxe that you disappeared?”
He could feel all the caution of the world in the voice of the sorcerer. He had a headache just thinking about this cave.
Black took a cigarette in his jacket and lit it before sticking his silver eyes into Remus' dark eyes.
He said nothing, he didn’t know what to say. What would that change? Before he could open his mouth, Lupin replied.
" Why did you only tell Pandora? Perhaps Sirius-
— I didn’t trust him anymore. And in my memory, neither do you! I don’t want to talk about it. I let you settle. I must go out, Regulus was dry in his voice, heading for the exit.
— Regulus, I didn’t mean to... Excuse me, wait!”
Remus didn’t have time to catch up, the mansion could be a maze for non-family members and that had benefited the last heir of the Blacks.
Chapter Text
REMUS
Leaning against the window sill, his cigarette between his lips, Remus scanned the starry sky as if in search of answers. The manor was silent, and he could almost hear the ash falling on the windowsill. It had been years since he had smoked so much and he couldn't stop thinking that Sturgis would have looked at him with that specific look.
He shook his head to get rid of the image of his ex-partner. He needed to talk about his conversation with Regulus, which had stirred things up inside him. Remus knew, however, that talking about Sirius and the Blacks in general was not an excellent idea. Above all, it would be unfair to Sturgis if he called him when he wasn't apologising.
I no longer trusted him. And as I recall, neither did you!
Lupin couldn't blame Regulus for spitting that in his face.
It was true that tensions had been running high between him and Sirius for several months at the time. They distrusted each other, even though Sirius meant the world to him.
He wondered every day if there was anything he could have done to convince James and Lily not to trust Sirius. Maybe they'd still be alive. Remus couldn't blame them, he was also suspected of being a spy for Lord Voldemort. That was the problem, Remus was indeed a spy in Voldemort's ranks but he was acting for the Order, under Dumbledore's advice.
The only one who had never doubted his loyalty for a second was Mary. She knew what he was doing for the Order.
As for Lily, he knew that she trusted him, but he didn't like lying to her, so he walked away from her a few months after Harry was born. So many regrets, so many sacrifices, so that in the end, Voldemort would not be destroyed.
Who would believe an undeclared werewolf who had lived away from the magical world for ten years and a Black heir who had disappeared? And even now, when Sirius had killed poor Peter and confessed to his crimes before arriving in Azkaban, people were still suspicious of him.
A question twisted in Remus's mind, if Sirius was innocent, he wouldn't have done it. He would have taken the veritaserum that would have cleared him and gone home.
"F*ck."
Remus raised his hand to his forehead.
That headache again. He'd buried his feelings and thoughts about the war so deep that it was painful when they came out.
After crushing his cigarette butt in the ashtray, he decided to leave the room Regulus had given him.
Remus let his steps, and above all the manor, guide him out of his room, which was in the guest wing.
Maybe he'd get less of a headache if he saw Sirius's room. Maybe he'd understand something, maybe the answers they were looking for were there.
Maybe they were.
Maybe they were.
Maybe they were.
His head was going to explode if he kept thinking like that.
The sound of his footsteps was muffled by the thick carpets and tapestries. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears and felt like he was back at Hogwarts, when he was eleven and exploring the castle with the marauders, sneaking out at night.
Those were good memories. Memories he cherished. He remembered James and Sirius very well, always at the front, bickering like brothers. Peter always beside him, looking at them with admiration.
He knew that, in a way, he himself was looking at them with the same expression, after all, this was the first time he'd had friends.
His parents never stayed in the same town for more than a year, to avoid rumours about his lycanthropy. It was hard to make friends when you never stayed in the same place. At Hogwarts, he had wanted to make friends, to keep them close to him all his life, despite his fear that one day they would discover his monstrous nature.
Now he realised that, above all, he was grateful to them for taking him in. Thanks to them, he'd made lots of friends and had even regained a taste for life. And even though James was his best friend, Sirius had a special place in his heart.
He found him more beautiful than an ancient statue. His fingers still remembered perfectly his fine, angular features, the warmth of his skin, the runes on his body and the softness of his hair. Remus could feel his cheeks warming at the memory.
Even before he knew her preferences, he knew he was in love with Sirius. It had only taken him a few months at his side. It was a love that started out quiet and secret, but had grown into something more intense than a storm as the years went by and they became teenagers.
A tune catches his attention and snaps him out of his nostalgic thoughts.
Following the music, he arrived in a circular room topped by a dome with a magical sky. The mansion held many surprises. At its centre was a black lacquered grand piano.
Regulus was sitting on the small red velvet bench, his eyes closed as he played. Remus had the impression of entering an intimate space, a secret garden.
But before he could turn around, the music stopped and the young man's silver eyes were fixed on him with a stern look.
If he could have disappeared into a corner, he would have, but the room had none.
After clearing his throat to try and keep some composure, he spoke:
"I didn't want to interrupt.
- Too late,’ Regulus said wearily.
Remus glanced behind him; he didn't know what to say. Apologising seemed like a good option, but Reg didn't really seem up for discussion.
There was a long silence and neither of them had moved.
Eventually he walked over to the piano, Regulus moving aside to let him sit next to him on the bench. Remus ran his fingers over the keys, playing a few notes, the simplest possible, Reg's gaze still uncompromisingly on him.
So close, he could smell the old whisky and floo powder.
Playing the same notes over and over again to avoid silence, it was Regulus who spoke first.
"I didn't want to risk involving Sirius in my research. He was already too much in the limelight. I had You-Know-Who's trust and Pandora was at the top of my list to be my fiancée. So there was nothing suspicious about my spending more time than necessary with her."
Reg took a deep breath, his gaze on Remus's fingers which were still on the keys.
"And even if I'd asked my brother for help, he'd made it quite clear that he didn't want to talk to me.
- He thought your father was sending you. And when you were marked, it devastated him. He thought you were lost.
- If he'd bothered to read my letter, he'd have known he was wrong."
Remus didn't need to look at him to sense that he was tense and tired.
He could understand that, for Regulus, these stories weren't as old as all that. He himself still found it difficult to talk about it, even though he'd lived to the full over the last ten years.
" I'm sorry Regulus.
- For what?
- For leaving you behind."
Remus looked up and met his gaze.
He couldn't make out the pureblood's emotions. He lost himself in it though, feeling as if he was looking at two full moons, hypnotising.
God, why were Black men so beautiful? All he had to do was reach out his hand and maybe he could let himself go again, feel something.
When he closed his eyes, he still felt as if he had the taste of Sirius on his lips, even after so many years.
Sirius.
The wizard regained his composure and rose from the bench. The man in front of him was not Sirius, it was his brother.
A rather close copy, but a copy nonetheless.
What the hell was he playing at, thinking he was a ghost? He'd done enough damage as it was without adding to it and Regulus had enough problems of his own.
The pureblood's gaze darkened for a brief moment before resuming his performance without letting anything show.
So much so that Remus wondered if he had sensed the hesitation, the tension. His mind was playing tricks on him, pure nostalgia, nothing more.
The music filled the room again, masking the silence.
Changing the subject was just what was needed. Letting his gaze roam the music room in search of a subject, Regulus spoke up.
"You should get some rest. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow."
Seeing Lupin's astonished look, the music stopped again and Regulus thrust his hand into the pocket of his cardigan.
He pulled out a small box, no bigger than the palm of a hand, and placed it on the piano, silently inviting Remus to open it.
"Here's what we're going to do tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that, the day after that. Until we manage to get rid of it forever."
With the box in hand, Rem opened it carefully. It looked like a small music box, made of goblin metal.
Inside, a necklace with a heavy amber and green medallion.
Within seconds, a deep sense of unease gripped the wolf by the throat. He could feel the hostility coming from the medallion.
An object of black magic, no doubt. The magic ceiling, which had been calm, shook without warning, as if the level of black magic in this object was far higher than the manor was used to.
"It's the horcrux. Wasn't it?"
He didn't need Regulus's confirmation. Lupin had never sensed such a large presence of dark magic in an object.
Dangerous magic with devastating power.
"Yes. And we need to find out how to destroy it. Study it, find out how it works. See what Dora missed that could help us.
- Who's Dora?"
Both men gasped, Remus shut the box with a quick movement and Regulus stood up.
Harry stood at the entrance to the room in green satin pyjamas.
He didn't have his glasses on and was rubbing his eyes tiredly. The child looked as if he had fallen out of bed, his hair a mess and his face crumpled.
Lupin watched Regulus gently approach the boy and ask him why he wasn't asleep at that hour.
It was a gentle exchange and the child took his guardian's hand with a yawn after mumbling an explanation about a green light and a snake.
It must have been a nightmare and Harry had come to find comfort.
A strange scene, he had to admit, but it warmed his heart. Harry deserved to have someone looking after him like Regulus did.
Would he have managed to do the same if Sirius had had a child with someone other than him?
He didn't know, all he knew for sure was that Reg must have had a heavy heart every time he laid eyes on James's miniature. It was no secret to anyone apart from Sirius that Reg had feelings for James.
Alone again, he picked up the box containing the locket and opened it again. If part of Voldemort was inside, it didn't reassure him to have him so close to Harry.
Maybe they should just throw him into the ocean, but if that was an option, Pandora would have done it long ago.
Regulus was right, they had to destroy him for good but without Dumbledore's help, they were going to have trouble finding him. They couldn't give up hope. They would find a way to stop him coming back, and for good.
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