Chapter Text
Essek was home. For how long, Caleb didn’t know. However, this had been the longest time that Essek had been able to stay in one spot since he had defected from the Dynasty: four months. Four whole months of Essek and Caleb fighting over the correct labeling of the tea collection. Four whole months of them trying to figure out the cats’ feeding schedule. Four whole months of bickering around the correct uses of abjuration in the classroom. Caleb wouldn’t have it any other way; he could no longer imagine their Rexxentruum home without Essek in the bay window, without double the components in the study, and even without Essek’s annoying tea organization.
Caleb couldn’t imagine his life without Essek.
It is unlikely that he will be able to stay much longer. We have been blessed with the little time we have had already. He will grow bored of me-or I will grow old and weak- and he will leave. I am getting ahead of myself. He could leave now. He could leave now. He could leave now.
It wasn’t often that Caleb spiraled like this, his mind turning over the same thoughts over and over like a smooth stone, but it was happening more frequently- ever since the idea had popped into his head one day that he never wanted to come home to a house without Essek’s touch. Even in his wildest fantasies, it was unimaginable that Essek could stay in one spot forever, but a home where Essek was always welcome? Always comfortable? That seemed doable.
He is a wanted man. He was basically royalty. What are you? Neither of you have even said ‘I love you’...
Caleb was searching for a very specific pastry at the baker's. The Mighty Nein were having their annual get-together in Nicodranas, and Jester specifically asked Caleb to find a pastry she had never tried before. A tall order … he mused as he started intensely at the selection. However, his eyes fell on one pastry that just screamed Jester. It was a small rectangle covered in honey and almonds and split in the middle with pudding cream. It was even lovingly named after Caduseus’s little friends: Bienenstich Kuchen or Zemnian Bee Sting Cake. She would love it.
With his present in tow, beautifully wrapped and decorated with some little doodles of bees at his request, Caleb let his feet take him home. The next few days were going to be hectic, alcohol-filled, and possibly dangerous, and Caleb needed to use these last few hours of quiet to think. His feet knew the path, taking him over cobblestones and bridges, ducking out of the way of puddles and running children, until he found himself standing at a front gate. A front gate that was not his but rather the gate of the Lionett-Nydoorin household. It was not their main house, but with Beau helping Caleb take down the Cerberus Assembly, it seemed easier for them to have a smaller home in Rexentruum during the trials.
In the three years since they had settled in Rexxentruum, the girls’ house had truly become a home. Yasha, Essek, and at times Caduceus had made the garden and small orchard around their house almost always in bloom. Yasha had settled in nicely, and her cooking was starting to become edible to people other than her wife. To the untrained eye, the little cottage looked unassuming, but to Caleb, the house already spoke of a life well-lived: there were scrapes on the upper window sills where he had seen Beau try drunkenly sneak into her own home after a late night, scars on the doorframe where Yasha had once tried to kill a spider with a kitchen knife, and walls painted by Jester, showing scenes from their lives.
As much as some part of him wanted to collapse onto their couch and spill all of his thoughts and feelings, the larger part of Caleb simply wanted to go home. He was not nearly so lucky, as glancing back to the cottage, Yasha was in the kitchen window sending him a small wave. With a sigh, he hesitantly walked up their overgrown path and quietly knocked on the door. It opened immediately. Beau looked as shocked as he was that he was here at all but quickly schooled her expression.
“Hey, man! We weren’t expecting you till tomorrow… What's up? You good?”
“ Ah hallo Beauregard. I just found myself in the area and wanted to drop off Jester’s present for tomorrow.”
The lie was immediately met with patented Beau suspicion, her eyes squinting just so as she looked him up and down.
“Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Come in though, Yasha’s making a pie. She just took it out of the oven. It’s real fruit this time too.” Not even looking over her shoulder, Beau started walking into the house, shouting to Yasha about their uninvited guest. Caleb hesitated at the threshold.
You could always leave. They are your friends you should stay. They claim they are your friends- they would be fine if you left.
Shaking his head, he took a deep breath and entered the home. With unsure steps he followed Beau into the kitchen and sat quietly at the island as the two girls quietly discussed their day. Neither seemed to expect a response from him, which was perfect as he had no response to give. Dinner was served, a fresh salad from the garden topped with grilled chicken, and dessert was had. The pie was delicious, a mix of apple and pear that was as savory as it was sweet. As Yasha went to clear the table, Caleb saw her send Beau a look across the table, which Beau waved off.
“Caleb. Dude. It’s totally fine that you crashed here, but what’s up? You’ve been quiet all night? And don’t feed me that line about the pastries again. You don’t have to say everything, but you have to say something.”
Fuck. He did not have a good answer- only the truth. But what even was the truth? He could exactly just say hey, Beau, one of my oldest friends, I think I want to ask Essek to marry me but we’ve never even said, ‘I love you,’ and I also don’t know what he would even see in me. Would it be better to just say I swear I’m doing much better, but my mind is turning against me, telling me all of you would be better if I stayed home forever, that I am unlovable? His face must have betrayed him, his moment of quiet thinking must have played across his features since Beau leaned forward in her chair, rapt and curious.
“What? Did you learn something new? Is it about Ludinus? Are you okay?”
Of course, that’s where her immediate thought would go. He must seem so shaken, appearing on their doorstep out of the blue, quiet and withdrawn. Something about the mention of Ludinus, of the large problems still present in his life, about the trials and work, brought a laugh ripping through his throat. That only seemed to worry Beau more.
“I am sorry, Beauregard. I am fine,” Mostly, he added mentally. “I have been having some, ah , personal problems and found myself here for some quiet comfort.”
“Personal problems? Are you and Essek fighting? Do I need to kick some wizard ass?” She was now perching on the dining room chair, play-punching the air between them, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. Yasha made her way back into the room, holding three glasses of wine. Kissing the top of Beau’s head, she settled down next to her wife, easily handing off the wine to each of them.
“You and Essek are fighting? You can spend the night here. Tomorrow we are all in Nicodranas, and I don’t know if he can swim,” Yasha deadpanned. Her eyes never left Caleb’s face as she spoke. He was sure it was a joke, but one that could be serious at the drop of a coin.
“ Danke, both of you, but Essek and I are not fighting. Quite the opposite, in fact.”
“And that’s a problem, how?” Beau took a swig of her wine before adding, “Oh shit, babe, this is the good stuff?”
Yasha nodded and pressed a kiss on Beau’s shaved head with a whispered, “Only the best for you.”
Caleb sighed, running his hands through his hair. It was difficult to verbalize how this was a problem because it wasn’t really one. “It’s not exactly a problem. I am currently thinking about asking him an important question. One where the answer is currently unknown. I am not sure I want to know the answer, but at the same time-” he trailed off, waving his hand.
Beau glanced at Yasha, tilting her head before her face became one the Nein had seen countless times: she was working on a puzzle, connecting the dots. Caleb sat in silence, knowing it was only a matter of time before she figured him out, but he couldn’t find his voice to actually say the final piece.
“SHIT! You’re gonna ask him to marry you, aren’t you? Why are you so nervous, dude, he’s going to say yes!”
“Oh, Caleb. That’s wonderful news.”
At Beau’s outburst, Caleb couldn’t help but look over his shoulders, irrationally worried that somehow this private conversation would not stay private. “ Danke danke , you two, but I haven’t actually asked him anything. For gods' sake, we haven’t even said, ‘I love you.’ What if he says no?”
His question was answered with the two women both immediately talking over each other, asking questions, and trying to placate him, at some point, they both started giving independent shovel talks for if Essek did say no. After thirteen minutes, however, they talked themselves out, and Caleb quietly answered questions posed again. He had no plan on how to go about asking, this was the first time he had said anything to someone other than himself. This was the first time it became real.
After swearing Beau and Yasha to secrecy, Caleb realized he hadn’t actually told Essek where he was. Using it as an excuse to extradite himself from what was becoming an increasingly awkward situation, Caleb started to head home.
“Remember, both of you, I will be here late tomorrow morning to teleport us all to Jester and Fjord’s. Try to be decent before I come, please?” With a laugh and more promises he was unsure would be kept, the two women sent him home with leftovers for Essek, preemptive congratulations, and more good-natured ribbing than he could handle. The next few days would be exhausting with the entire Nein. As much as he loved them, they were always full of energy.
His home was a brisk ten-minute walk. Ten minutes to collect himself. Ten minutes to prepare to see Essek after everything that happened. Ten minutes to pretend he didn’t just tell two people he was thinking about proposing.
The house he arrived at was still warm with light, even though it was getting late. Casting a quick message, Caleb let Essek know that it was only him. He got no response. Sneaking past all the wardings and alarms, Caleb pushed open their front door. The house was not as lived in as Beau and Yasha’s, but it was theirs. Two armchairs by the fire, a loveseat by the bay window, and currently, a plate of schnitzel cold on the small dining table. The four cats were similarly nowhere to be seen, a fact that was actually somewhat calming to Caleb. The cats were never very far from one of their owners.
Heading into the study as quietly as he could, Caleb eventually found who he was looking for. Essek was asleep, curled up on the small couch in the study, a half-finished knitting project splayed across his chest. Curled up between his legs and under one of his arms, the cats were similarly asleep. Caleb couldn’t help but smile, willing his mind to hold this memory in all of its glory. At some imperceptible sound, he must have made, the youngest of the cats- Essek’s cat - a black kitten with white patterns named Minnoş, blinked slowly from her spot under her owner's arms. She yawned, her little pink tongue curling out around her small fangs, stretching her paws directly into Essek’s nose. With an undignified pbbt , Essek scrunched his face, screwing his eyes against the light still coming from the lamp he never turned off.
“ Hallo Schatz. I’m sorry to wake you.”
At the sound of Caleb’s voice, Essek’s eyes opened, a faint smile interrupted by Minnoş deciding she no longer liked her position. The little kitten stood on Essek’s chest and turned once before jumping off and stalking across the room to a folded blanket Essek made specifically for the cats.
“Hello Baykuş, I was just resting my eyes. I missed you for dinner.”
“I’m sorry, I went to Beau and Yasha’s- I brought leftovers, but I see you had the same idea.”
“Oh- was there a meeting I forgot? I thought you two weren’t doing any work till after Nicodranas.”
“No, you are right- as always, Liebling . It was just some early planning for the shenanigans I am sure we will get into this week.” He hated lying to Essek, in fact, they had promised no lies early on, but this was not something he could be truthful about. “Speaking of which, let’s get upstairs. We have a busy day tomorrow playing teleport for everyone.”
He stood in the doorway as Essek tried to extract himself from the pile of cats, failing miserably and waking them all up. As Essek whispered platitudes and apologises to them, Caleb felt a warmth in his heart. A warmth that only grew as he caught Essek’s eye as Essek walked quietly over, folding his knitting and leaving it on the table by the door.
“Yes, tonight will be the last night of true quiet for a week. It will be nice to see everyone, but I will miss our routine here.” Essek went on his tiptoes to press a quick kiss onto Caleb’s lips as he passed him in the doorframe. With a sleepy smile, Essek led the way to their bedroom, leaving the door open just a crack for their feline shadows. By the time Caleb had brushed his teeth and changed into sleep clothes, the cats and Essek were already fast asleep.