Chapter Text
“It’s gotta be Dick.”
“Definitely.”
“Hate to admit it, but our amigo is one suave dude.”
Wally glanced around the cafeteria table, studying his friends’ faces for even a hint of irony. He found none, but forced a laugh anyway. “Yeah yeah, good one, guys. But really, who do girls think is the biggest stud on campus? I mean, I guess Conner would be the obvious choice….”
Raquel rolled her eyes. “Yeah, maybe back when we were still in high school and being moody was cool and mysterious," she said, jabbing at the air with her fork for emphasis, "But older girls prefer guys who are a little more … refined.” When her words were met with a blank stare from Wally, Raquel let out a drawn out sigh and continued, “You know, someone who’s charming and fun, but also mature and intelligent?”
“Someone like Dick,” Barbara said with a smile, her cheeks tinged a light shade of pink.
Wally couldn’t help but laugh, this time for real. “Refined? This is the guy who’s been making the same syntax jokes every day for the past five years! If that’s your definition of refined, then wow, I must really not understand women.”
“No surprises there,” Raquel said with a smirk. Wally poked his tongue out at her in defiance.
Jaime slapped Wally on the back in an attempt to cheer him up, though all it did was make Wally cough out some of the mashed potato he had eaten for lunch. “C’mon, Wally. You’ve been best buds with Dick since you two were kids. You’ve got to have noticed the appeal? He’s the guy that all the dudes want to hang out with and all the chicas want to date.”
“Yeah, we’re friends, but it’s not like I sit around contemplating his date-ability.” Wally crossed his arms, a frown still fixed on his face. The whole conversation was making him feel extremely uncomfortable and he wasn’t entirely sure why.
“Believe it or not, Wally, that’s what the girls think,” Barbara said. “You just can’t tell because you two have been friends for so long.”
“Exactly. You two don’t see each other right anymore.” Raquel stood up and picked up her tray, the other two following suit. “This has been fun and all, but we’ve gotta head to Soc class.”
“Wait a minute,” Wally said with sudden urgency as an idea popped into his mind. “If girls think Dick is a stud or whatever, do girls like me too?”
His three friends froze at once, seemingly rooted in place. Barbara was the first to break the silence, very carefully replying, “You’re a really, really sweet guy. And you’re definitely not bad looking…”
Wally could physically feel his heart sinking to the pit of his stomach, his confidence dive-bombing along with it.
“Look, all we’re saying is that your homeboy is a hottie. Okay? Okay.” Before anyone could get another word in, Raquel, Barbara, and Jamie all dashed away at once, leaving Wally alone at the table.
Wally stared at the now-empty chairs surrounding him, allowing the incredulousness to fully sink in. Were they talking about the same Dick Grayson he was? The criminology nerd who sometimes spent whole nights poring over old detective novels for fun? The walking encyclopedia who knew ten different ways to create an electric current using bathroom supplies and old wire?
Sure, Dick never seemed to have trouble finding a girlfriend, but he also rarely stayed in relationships long enough for it to matter. How could any girl think of Dick Grayson—that Dick Grayson—as a stud?
And most annoyingly of all: why didn’t girls think of him as a stud as well? Wally had had attractive girlfriends in the past too! And he and Dick were figuratively joined at the hip—hell, they were practically the same person! Surely some of his best friend’s supposed hotness should have rubbed off on him?
“If you’re gonna scowl like that, at least do it in private. The whole sadface thing ruins your appeal.”
Wally jumped as the person addressing him stepped into his field of vision. Speak of the devil, Wally thought. “What’re you doing over on this side of campus? Aren’t you supposed to be in the PoliSci building?”
“Class got moved next door. I have a few extra minutes to spare, so of course I couldn’t resist seeing this handsome mug.” Dick accentuated the statement by lightly patting Wally’s cheek with the back of his hand.
Mustering all the false bravado he could, Wally shrugged nonchalantly and said with a wry smile, “What can I say? I’m a charmer.”
Dick laughed the same way he always did at each one of his lame jokes, but this time, the sound of it caused a sweet, heady sensation to blossom in Wally’s chest. He frowned. The hell was that?
Before Wally could mull over it for too long, he noticed Dick grab an apple from the fruit bowl at the center of the table. “Looks like I’ll get lunch after all.”
“A piece of fruit for a meal? Dude. How are you even alive?”
Dick just grinned in response before taking his first big bite out of the apple. Between chews, he managed to say, “No time. Can’t be late. I’ll manage.”
Feeling concerned, Wally rummaged through the bottom of his backpack before retrieving a crumpled rectangular package and tossing it over to his friend. “At least scarf down that energy bar before class, you crazy kid.”
Dick was already half-running to the door. He waved back at Wally and said, with a mouth full of fruit, “Wif do, pal. Hanks!”
As Dick made his hurried exit, Wally noticed a table full of girls eyeing his friend and giggling nervously as he ran past them. Wally just sighed, resting his chin on a propped hand. “I really don’t get it.”
“You know, if I really tried, I could probably walk like this for at least a half hour straight.” Dick demonstrated by traveling from one end of their shared bedroom to the other, his body positioned in a perfect handstand.
From the comfort of his bed, Wally lazily glanced up as he pushed his textbook aside. In the back of his mind, he noted the way Dick’s shirt slipped down and pooled at his chest, revealing his sculpted abdomen. Gymnastics had done wonders for the man. “You know, if you’re trying to wow me with your athletic prowess, you’re gonna have to do way better than that.”
“T’ch. Tough crowd.” Dick gracefully righted himself, his feet landing on their carpeted floor with a soft thud.
Wally continued eyeing his roommate as he rather un-gracefully plopped onto the beanbag chair sitting in the gap between their two beds. Dick yawned loudly and languidly stretched his whole body, nearly flattening the beanbag in the process. He paused when he noticed Wally studying him. “What?”
Wally tilted his head in curiosity. “Just thinking.”
“…About?”
Wally paused for a long moment before carefully replying, “Whatever happened to that girl you were seeing? Cassie?”
Dick blinked in surprise at the sudden change in topic before smiling sheepishly. “Ah. Yeah, we called it quits a while back. It was more of a fling than anything, I guess.” He shrugged casually before asking, “Why?”
Wally just responded by silently crossing his arms. He rolled to his side, his bottom lip poking out in a pout. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that his friends had been right. Girls went gaga for his best friend. Sure, it was bewildering, but he would’ve thought he’d be happy for his friend. Instead, he had spent the whole evening moping.
“Uhh, Wally? You okay, bud?”
Wally peeked up to see his friend now hovering over him, a worried crease on his brow. “You’ve been acting kinda weird all night. Do you feel sick or something?” Dick reached out to press his palm against his forehead, but Wally reflexively cringed before their skin could make contact.
Dick retracted his hand as an odd, uncertain expression spread across his features. “Okay, seriously. What is going on with you? Because I’m starting to feel some antipathy here—major emphasis on the anti.”
Wally let slip an amused snort. And they called him a dork. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just in a weird mood. No anti intended.”
“Anything I can do to help?” Without warning, Dick tumbled onto the bed with him, curling up into a ball and resting his back along the curve of Wally’s hip.
Wally shifted until he could comfortably look his friend in the face. He felt like there was something about this whole situation that he was just … not getting. Something important.
“I know I’m dazzling, but try not to stare for too long,” Dick joked. His easygoing smile faltered when Wally failed to respond to his comment.
Wally could feel some idea forming in his mind. Before he could fully process what he was thinking, the words had already tumbled from his mouth. “Let’s go out.”
Dick raised a brow in amusement. “Go out? Where? It’s midnight. On a Tuesday.”
“No, I mean out out. Like on a date.”
Dick just stared for a long while, his eyes growing larger by the second. Then all at once, he erupted into a boisterous, slightly strained laugh. “Yeah, sure, buddy. I’ll buy the flowers and chocolates. But don’t expect me to sleep over after just one date—I’m not that kind of girl, okay?”
Dick laughed once more, setting Wally even more on edge. He wriggled out from underneath Dick and scooted to the head of the mattress, defensively curling into a ball. Through gritted teeth, he managed to say, “Just one week. That’s all I’ll need.”
The other man sobered up immediately upon hearing his reply. “You can’t be serious?”
Wally stared off to the side and chewed his bottom lip. He could feel heat rushing to his cheeks, which only added to his nervousness. “I don’t mean, like, real actual dates between … boyfriends or whatever. I guess I’m just curious about what all these girls see in you. I’m thinking I could learn something from it?”
Wally could feel his blush getting even worse. Dear God. Why was this happening? What was this mystical force that had taken control of his voice and what were its intentions?
Wally refused to look his friend in the eye, so he couldn’t read his expression. But he could tell from his voice alone that he clearly thought Wally was losing his mind. “You do know there are plenty of other, saner methods of doing that, right? Seriously man, did you hit your head?”
“My head is fine,” Wally muttered, an irritated edge to his voice, “And I don’t get why you’re freaking out so much. This would hardly be your first time with a guy, anyway.”
Wally gasped as he felt Dick suddenly jerk him by the shoulder, forcing him to meet his eyes. His mouth was set in a hard line, his brows furrowed in anger. “Wally, quit it. This isn’t funny.”
“You’re absolutely right, Dick. In fact, this might just win the award for Worst Idea Ever Conceived. Forget I said anything,” was what Wally wanted to say. Instead, what came out of his mouth was, “Do I look like I’m joking? It’s just a week. Even your ‘flings’ last longer than that. No biggie, right?”
Dick spent a long while half-staring, half-glaring at him from across the bed. Finally, he replied in a taut voice, “Assuming that I go along with this … this thing. If we aren’t really dating, then how is it any different from hanging out like we regularly do?”
“It's completely different. Even if they’re not real dates, at least act like they are.”
“So you want me to flirt with you?”
“No!" Wally reflexively responded. Then after a pause, he said, "Maybe? I don't know! Just ... just act the same way you do around the people you date for real.” Wally felt sweat begin to bead at his temples. Why were the two of them taking all this so seriously? “If it helps, you could imagine I’m someone else…”
Wally could feel his heart pounding wildly in his chest, as though attempting to flee. A feeling that he could very much sympathize with at the moment.
He nearly jumped in nervousness when Dick suddenly stood from the bed, a heavy sigh passing his lips. “You’re one crazy bastard, Walls.”
Wally nodded dumbly. “Can’t say I disagree.”
The corner of Dick’s mouth curved slightly, though it disappeared just as quickly. He slumped back to his own bed, rubbing his eyes with his palms as he laid onto the mattress. “Look. If you still want to go through with this in the morning … then fine. Let’s do it.”
Wally’s jaw dropped. After all the protests, he was expecting a flat rejection. “Seriously?”
“Yup. Get ready cause I’m about to charm your pants off.” After a pause, Dick added, “Not literally.”
Wally smiled, feeling oddly relieved. For a minute, he thought he had seriously pissed off his best friend. “Thanks, man. You really are the greatest.”
“Damn straight.”
The two of them failed to say anything else to one another for the rest of the night. And it wasn’t until after lights out that the anxiety truly set in for Wally. Veiled by the darkness, he laid ramrod straight in bed, staring up at the ceiling in a panic. What the fuck had he gotten himself into?