Chapter Text
The news had reached Aymeric when he had just been in a meeting, and he had quickly asked Lucia to take it over before he left to attend the more pressing matters. The woman had nodded in understanding, already having informed about the Azure Dragoon’s condition and knowing that Aymeric couldn’t let his friend fend for himself.
Not trying to seem as if he was hurrying even though he was, he reached the healer building in a short time, and he could already hear the loud sobbing cries when he opened the outer door.
“Is he hurting?” Aymeric asked a passing chirurgeon, the cries sounding urgent and miserable. The woman was looking unhurried though, no panick on her face, but most experienced chirurgeon’s always had an aloof expression on their face.
The long war had made them immune to showing panic, and the woman just shook her head, bowing slightly for him.
“No my lord, he’s just lost in his mind again,” the chirurgeon answered, the term having been described to Aymeric the first time that the Dragoon had slipped to a more basic state of thinking, loosing most of his words, and his mind more on par with that of a babe then the great warrior he was, “there is someone attending him,”
“Thank you,” Aymeric said, continuing to the room where he knew Estinien was staying in. Taking in a deep breath, he opened the door.
His eye immediately noticed Estinien, the normal stoic expression on his face being replaced by a scrunched up face, crying loudly and tears dripping down his chin while he was weakly and disoriented flailing around, and Aymeric still had to hide his own surprise at the condition of his normally serious friend.
Tears had rarely been present on his face before, even when he had been suffering.
An attendant was standing to the side and looking at the man in mild annoyance, the upper sheets having been removed from the bed. They were wet, clearly from when Estinien’s bladder had given away.
The weak physical condition was a side effect from the removal of the great wyrm’s eyes. The toll on the Dragoon’s body had been big, and now the proud man wasn’t able to hold in his bladder or bowels and his movements were weak and uncoordinated.
When they had tried walking, the legs had given away immediately, and he had fallen hard to the floor. The chirurgeons couldn’t even say if it was temporary or not, seeing the unique situation he was in.
But lying on top of the bed with no sheets and his sleeping shirt had been pulled up, revealed the protection he had been put in. The diaper was soaking wet and had leaked horrendously, the bed underneath Estinien as wet as the sheets in the attendant’s hands.
Aymeric frowned at the wetness of everything. Normally the diapers had a decent capacity, and even if they did manage to leak, this amount was extraordinary. A vague realisation filled his mind that perhaps his friend wasn’t looked after as good as he had hoped.
It had been a risk, of course, with people being people. The fact that the Dragoon had been possessed by Nidhogg had made people angry, and even though Nidhogg’s presence had been removed, the fear of had stayed with them.
For now though, Aymeric didn’t say anything to the attendant, but approached the bed, soflty speaking.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, and Estinien’s eyes opened, tearily looking at him.
“Aym?” Estinien asked, between tears, the sobbing calming down even though there were still tears streaming down his face. The Dragoon looked at him with sadness and fear, and a bit of longing. Aymeric gave his friend a smile, not wanting to show his concern, and even though Estinien didn’t smile back, he calmed down.
“It’s me,” Aymeric said softly, and was glad to see Estinien calm down more, one of the previously flailing fists moving towards Estinien’s mouth, and Aymeric saw how the thumb entered it. The first time it had happened, he had been surprised, but by now he had witnessed the regression of his friend’s mind a few time and he knew that the sucking of the thumb did calm him down.
“So, what is going on?” Aymeric asked, glancing towards the attendant, who had jumped back once he had noticed the lord’s entrance.
“My lord,” the attendant said, deference in his voice and a slight waver of fear that Aymeric was too used to already, “the Azure dragoon had…voided his bladder and we just wanted to clean. He panicked, and his mind slipped away,”
Aymeric nodded at the explanation. It wasn’t the first time that Estinien’s mind had slipped away when he had voided his bladder, but most of the time he didn’t panic like this. Well, not when Aymeric was there to help look after him.
“Well, let’s help him now then,” Aymeric said, and the attendant nodded and bowed to him, before aiming his attention back to Estinien.
At the first touch of the man, Estinien cried out again, trying to pull back from the hands of the helper and he would have fallen out of bed if it hadn’t been for the sideguard’s that had been installed previously, when it was made obvious that Estinien couldn’t be trusted to not fall out.
“No,” Estinien shouted, crying again, his legs kicking weakly and without any control. The agitation and anxiety was clear in his posture, and it did make Aymeric feel worried.
“Hey there, calm down,” Aymeric said softly, going closer to the bed, making the attendant move away, “why don’t you let us help you?”
“Aym?” Estinien asked again, suddenly noticing his friend appear again. Aymeric bended over a little, so his face was right above Estinien, making it easier for the Dragoon to focus on him. He did his best to smile and not show his worry, not wanting to distress Estinien when he was in his small headspace.
“Do you want me to help?” Aymeric asked, and Estinien stared at him. The thumb migrated to his mouth again. The Dragoon was distracted by Aymeric’s closeness, and the lord couldn’t help but smile warmly when the other hand softly touched his earring, a smile appearing on the now innocent looking face.
“Here my lord, me do it,” the attendant said, moving forward now that Estinien was lying still.
Aymeric glanced down carefully, feeling the hand still on his earring. The attendant’s moves were sure of himself, used to changing diapers for bedridden patients. Once the diaper was gone, it was clear that the area underneath it was red, irritated and it thus surprised Aymeric to notice that there was no extra cleaning of the area before another diaper was put around the nether regions.
“Stop,” Aymeric commanded, making the attendant look up at him in surprise, just having finished fastening the diaper. Estinien froze as well, a startled gasp coming from him. Aymeric turned his face back towards the Dragoon, just in time to see the innocent look disappear from the eyes, a more familiar sheen appearing in it.
“Aymeric,” Estinien said, his voice stoic once again, but tinged with embarrassment even though the Dragoon tried to hide it, the thumb was quickly pulled from the mouth, and the hand on the earring fell back to the bed, “my apologies,”
Aymeric frowned at the way his friend’s hand were depsreatly trying to reach for sheets, to hide himself from view, probably thinking his current stat shamefull, but they were still removed from the bed.
“It’s nothing, my friend,” Aymeric said friendly, even though there was something hard in his tone. Gazing at now frozen attendant, he saw the man looking fearfully at him. He had definitely heard the anger in his earlier command, but for now it was only Estinien that mattered, “you were just getting some much-needed care,”
“Ah, yes,” Estinien muttered, glancing at the attendant as well, and then a bit further, were the wet diaper was still lying on the floor, discarded next to the wet sheets. Aymeric tried to hide his surprise at the blush that had grown on the other man’s cheeks, a vivid shade of red, “I…I didn’t want to …”
“It’s okay,” Aymeric answered, seeing some relief when Estinien realised he didn’t have to explain himself. Aymeric wouldn’t let the subject drop completely though. He wanted to be sure his friend was properly getting taken care off, even though the need embarrassed Estinien, “now, when was the last time they bathed you?”
“They have washed me rudimentary,” Estinien answered, trying to ban the embarrassment of being bed-bound and washed mechanically with a cloth by a couple of attendants. The memory had been mildly traumatic to the proud and independent man.
His limbs had been too weak to help himself, and if the weakness hadn’t been bad enough, his bowels had released themselves at that moment. The exclaims of disgust had been quickly smothered, but still Estinien had seen the disgust on their faces when they cleaned him up completely.
It had been a couple of days since then, but he hadn’t gotten the courage to ask for another cleaning, even though he had soiled himself a few more times since then.
“I happened to glance down when you were changed, and you were quite…red around the area,” Aymeric said, hoping that Estinien wouldn’t be too angry that his privacy had been invaded like this, “perhaps we need to up the frequency of the washings?”
“We’ll get to it, my lord,” the attendant said immediately, not even looking at Estinien’s mortified expression. The servant bowed, and left the room in a hurry, glad that the could get away.
In his haste and nervousness to leave the room, no new sheets were put on top of the bed, leaving Estinien uncomfortably exposed in the room, and only then that Aymeric spotted that the matrass he was lying on was still wet as well.
“It doesn’t seem like they are taking good care of you,” Aymeric said, now that they were in private.
Estinien gave a small sigh, and pushed himself up to a half seated position, hating to lie down and feeling vulnerable when someone was seated over him.
His arms felt weak, but he still managed to shuffle himself upwards a bit, trying to lower his sleeping shirt again, which was unfortunately also wet and stained with his urine, but at least it managed to hide the diaper. Aymeric helped him a little, frowning when he felt the wetness of the clothes on his hands.
“They do what they can,” Estinien said eventually, embarrassment still in his voice, even though he tried to hide it. It was only because Aymeric knew him so well, that he even noticed it, “there are a lot of wounded from Nidhogg’s attack, and even now they are stretched too thin,”
Silence grew in the room, Aymeric contemplating the words that had been spoken and knowing that they were true, but it wasn’t the complete story either. Estinien knew how much he was blamed for his weakness of letting the great wyrm overcome his mind, and Aymeric knew that Estinien did blame himself for it as well.
“They speak of it often?” Aymeric asked, and Estinien flinched, before folding his face again it’s normal strictness. It was clear what Aymeric was talking about.
“Not when they think I can overhear, but I do emphasise with them. It was my weakness that cost a lot of their loved ones their lives,” Estinien said.
“And it was your bravery throughout the years that saved a lot of them,” Aymeric said, frowning and giving a sigh of frustration when he looked his friend over, “this can’t go on any longer,”
“What?” Estinien asked, looking slightly panicked at his friend, knowing that he was helpless in his current condition. If he decided to not let Estinien be taken care of, it was the same as a death sentence. He hadn’t even been able to feed himself properly, his hands shaking so badly that he spilled his food before he could put it in his mouth even.
“I think it’s time that I do you a favor,” Aymeric said, having taken a decision in the short amount of time. He immediately got up, and opened the closet, getting a coat from it. Estinien couldn’t help but look in surprise when he was carefully manhandled in it, Aymeric carefully guiding his arms in the warm sleeves.
“Aymeric? What are you doing?” Estinien asked in confusion, trying to ignore the warm feeling his in his belly at the gentle way Aymeric was treating him, even though he knew his dirty sleeping shirt would wet the coat from the inside.
“I’ll have them deliver some supplies to my place,” Aymeric said, carefully lifting his friend from the bed, Estinien giving a startled yip and quickly wrapping his arms around Aymerics neck, scared that he would be dropped.
“Your place?” Estinien asked in surprise, his face just a few inches away from Aymeric, who nodded with a smile.
“Yes. If they aren’t going to take good care of you, then I will,”