Chapter Text
“What we did was an act of desperation, after exhausting all our previous options and being driven into a corner. At the time, any consequences were far from our minds.”
- Dr. Tarō Arinobu, Imperial Special Warfare Division
At first there was nothing, and then… I felt. It was so sudden, after what could only be described as a black eternity. I could not remember feeing anything before this abrupt moment.
I felt mildly cool along my… keel? Was that what that part of me was called? New thoughts and sensations tumbled through my mind. All along my aft, from my… head, all the way down to my… toes? I felt much colder. The sensation of something continuously moving accompanied this coldness. Faint noises reached through this moving cold and into me… no, into my ears. My eyes twitched, and I opened them for the first time. Harsh white light blinded me and I immediately screwed my eyes shut. To my side, I felt part of my… body, move, a sloshing sound preceding the stabbing light dimming. I slowly opened my eyes again, and looked at what was in front of me. Five small extensions that I could move at will, connected to a pale trunk attached to the right side of my body. That was… my arm. I should have two. I feel my head moving slowly to the left, and I see my other arm at my side, further prompting me to look down my… body, that was the word. Sizable mounds… breasts, partly obscured my view, as pale as my arm. I willed my legs to move, and they bent at the knees as I placed my arms into the cold… liquid I was half-submerged in. As I rose, something clung to the side and back of my head. I reached up, grabbed it, and brought it into my field of view. Thin white strands clumped together and attached to my head… this was my hair. As I took in the sight of it, I scratched the side of my head, but the tiny itch I felt was not remedied. I wondered why.
A noise drew my attention to the left. I turned my head slowly, unsurely, and bore witness to… something approaching me slowly. It looked like me, but it did not at the same time. It walked on its legs through the pool I was in, said legs covered by something flexible… boots. And pants. On its upper body, its… shirt, and coat, were white. What little of its skin was exposed was a darker shade than my own, a sort of tan colour, and its short hair was inky black. Of particular note was the expression on it’s face: Eyes wide, eyebrows raised, lips pressed together and nostrils flared as its chest rose and fell rapidly. The word came to me as we stared at each other. This is a human.
This is what I am supposed to protect.
“… Can you understand me?” It finally asked. I heard a quaver in its voice that did not seem to belong there. I continued to stare at it and sift through the blurry, swirling ocean that was my mind for a response. I found one just as the human started to look behind it, possibly at another human, for guidance:
“Yes.”
The first word to ever escape my mouth was naught but a whisper. The way the human that spoke to me recoiled was most curious. I wondered if I was supposed to answer in a different tone.
“Where am I?” I asked in a slightly louder voice. The human’s expression did not change.
“You are in the Awakening Chamber.” It answered slowly. “This is where all of the Kansen are born.”
Kansen. Kinetic Artifactual Navy Self-Regulative En-lore Node. The human collective’s dreams, hopes, and drive to survive and surpass made flesh. Created to safeguard humanity.
“… That is what I am.” I said quietly. The human standing near me must have heard me.
“What was that?” It asked. That quaver was still there.
“Kansen. I am a Kansen… and it is my duty to guard humanity.” I answered. The human nodded.
“Yes, that is right. Very good.” The quaver was less pronounced this time. I thought about why that could be. I eventually concluded that the human’s quaver had only diminished after I had said it was my duty to protect humanity.
Why? Why would that quaver disappear after that? What was the significance of stating my purpose? I wondered. Did it think I was going to hurt it? Why would it think that? I felt my eyes widen by a fraction as the reason for the human’s mannerisms became apparent. The slow movement, the facial expressions, the quaver in its voice…
“If you will follow me, please,” the human’s voice broke me out of my thoughts, “we can get you some clothing, food, and answer some of your questions.” It turned away and made for a door on the side of the shallow… pool I was standing in. I stared for a moment before following slowly. As I carefully plodded out of the Awakening Chamber, I saw more humans. Words and descriptions were coming to me easier now. Shorter statures, dark hair and white coats were prevalent features among them as they stared down at machines and spoke to each other. As I slowly followed the human that greeted me, the others’ attention turned from their conversations and machines to me. Their expressions morphed to match that of the human who first addressed me, with varying degrees of pronunciation. Some began breathing rapidly and moved away from me; others looked away as my gaze swept over them. Hushed whispers passed between a small amount of them, no doubt about me. One that particularly stood out to me was ‘No ears.’ As I passed through their ranks, I felt that itch more prominently.
Our journey continued through sparsely-populated hallways until we reached our destination. The room the human directed me to “Did not have much, but it should be comfortable,” he said after pointing out the futon for me to sleep on, the desk, chair and writing implements, and the small closet which contained a single grey robe. With even faster breathing and more visible squirming, the human helped me put on and fasten the robe. It felt soft to the touch.
“Alright,” the human began with a clap of its hands, “why don’t you get comfortable here, and I’ll get us something to eat before we talk more?” He did not wait for an answer before turning and making for the exit. I twisted my body to watch him go, and my curiosity got the better of me. The way they all acted… I just had to know.
“Wait,” I called softly. The human flinched before turning around. It remained silent, blinking and breathing rapidly as it met my eyes. I do not know why, but I hesitated briefly before I spoke.
“… Are you afraid of me?” I asked. The human seemed to shrink into itself even more, mouth tightening and audibly swallowing. No answer came until I was about to repeat the question.
“… Yes,” it murmured while averting its eyes. I wondered what the significance of its inability to look into my eyes was. The answer eluded me, so I elected to nod and silently investigate the room. The human said something intelligible before opening the door and exiting the room, leaving me alone. I continued to slowly traverse the room, taking in all that was present. The futon was soft to the touch, the cover gliding over my fingers. As I looked at the small… book and blank pages, I wondered what I would write before setting it down and making for the closed door near the closet. Another room?
The walls and floor were as grey as the room I had just exited. A toilet was situated just left of the entrance, and a clear glass shower further left. Opposite the toilet, there were cupboards and a mirror. From my position, I could barely catch a glimpse of myself. I moved with a small amount of trepidation to stand in front of the mirror, and after bending down to look into it owing to my height, I looked at myself for the first time. As I did, I felt my heart beat harder, and that itch twinged again.
The humans I had seen walking from the Awakening Chamber had all been shades of tan, yellow, even light brown. My skin was nigh on ghostly in appearance. As I moved closer to the mirror, the faintest dark lines could be seen under my cheeks. Leaning back, I took in the appearance of my eyes. Their glaring yellow hue almost seemed to be glowing from within my wide-set face. As I thought back to the other humans I had seen, I remembered not seeing any with features appearing as wide as mine. My nose was pointed but unremarkable, my lips were thin and pressed tightly together. I ceased my inspection to change the shape of my mouth, thinking that perhaps doing so may assuage the uneasiness I felt while looking at myself, and maybe that itch. I settled on pressing my lips more softly in a line after realizing that turning them upwards did not help. From there I combed my fingers through my messy white hair, noticing that it was barely long enough to tickle my shoulders. As I pulled my arm back, the sleeve of my robe fell back to highlight the cords of muscle along my arm. Blinking twice, I deliberately undid the knot holding my robe shut, letting it fall to the floor and exposing my ghostly white body. That same pronounced musculature was present on the rest of my body, with the exception of my prominent but firm breasts. Combined with my height and the fact that my facial expression seemed to default to a frown, I was beginning to understand why the humans seemed to be afraid of me. Would they whisper about me to other humans, I wondered. Would they speak of being unable to meet the gaze of…
… Oh.
… What is my name?
I had not thought to ask the human that had led me here. I lowered my gaze and racked my brain. I was not brought into being without knowledge; the names of various things I saw came to me. When the human told me I was a Kansen, I knew what that meant. Perhaps I did not need to focus on what I looked like, but to look inward. Think!
I remember… yes, the tiniest flicker of recollection. A feeling, rather than a true memory. Pride, at knowing I was to supersede all who came before me, and uncertainty at the weight to be set upon me. Despair, as unseen and unheard presences turned elsewhere and forgot me. Their attention scattered like the islands from whence they came…
The islands from whence the came… Scattered like the islands… Scattered islands…
That’s it, I thought as I looked at my reflection with wide eyes. That is my name.
The itch twinged stronger, and I felt my heart pound against my chest even harder as my name left my lips for the first time, barely more than a sigh:
“My name… is Shikishima.”