Work Text:
[02:08AM]
[“Dr._Flug” has added “Dementia”, “Black_Hat” and “5.0.5.” to “Wedding_Planning”]
Dr._Flug: Please note any further plans and changes to the plans here after I drop the information text with the process of the wedding shortly
Dementia: Dude why now, don’t you have sleeping to do?
Dementia: Also these names r boring af
Dr._Flug: Don’t you dare
Black_Hat: What in the bloody depths of hell is this shit
Dr_Flug: A group chat for the wedding planning, because I’m sure some people (Dementia) won’t remember anything that we’ll need to prepare otherwise
Dementia: Omg it’s not that bad
5.0.5.: 🤨🤨
Dementia: Don’t you smart ass me bear boi!! I still have your Tumblr password and I’m not afraid to use it against you!
5.0.5.: 😨🖕🖕
Black_Hat: That’s it, I’m out of here
[“Black_Hat” has left “Wedding_Planning”]
[“Dr._Flug” has added “Black_Hat” to “Wedding_Planning”]
Dr._Flug: You are one half of the wedding couple!
Black_Hat: And? I know the plans, I have a brain, to memorise such things. There’s no need for all of this.
Dr._Flug: You stay here and that’s the end of it.
Black_Hat: Fine.
Dementia: Pff he’s got you in control frfr
Black_Hat: Excuse me!?
5.0.5.: 🧑⚕️= 💅
Dementia: You tell him, man
Black_Hat: We are equal as partners and no one controls anyone here! Shut your mouth or I will expel you from this household right now!
Dementia: Oh you are begging to be embarrassed rn
[“Dementia” has changed “Black_Hat”’s name to “ouabhEnjoyer”]
Dementia: So basically I was searching for used panties and found BH’s secret stash of cheesy ass romance books, on top: “Once upon a broken Heart”. I’ll drop the description wait
ouabhEnjoyer: You intolerable, repulsive, unfathomably vile creature don’t you DARE
Dementia: “For as long as she can remember, Evangeline Fox has believed in happily ever after. Until she learns that the love of her life is about to marry another, and her dreams are shattered.
Desperate to stop the wedding, and heal her wounded heart, Evangeline strikes a deal with the charismatic, but wicked, Prince of Hearts. In exchange for his help, he asks for three kisses, to be given at the time and place of his choosing.
But after Evangeline's first promised kiss, she learns that bargaining with an immortal is a dangerous game - and that the Prince of Hearts wants far more from her than she pledged. He has plans for Evangeline, plans that will either end in the greatest happily ever after, or the most exquisite tragedy …”
5.0.5.: 🤝🤌👯
ouabhEnjoyer: I will end you both! How in Lucifer’s name do I change this back?!
Dementia: You don’t know that? Pfff
5.0.5.: 💀🤚
Dementia: Aww, Fluggie seems to be asleep, what a shame
Dementia: Welp, he’ll see it tomorrow
ouabhEnjoyer: He better not!
Dementia: PPPPSSCCCHHHT!! I’m trying to think of a name for everyone, cause once I’m at it I might as well make the whole chat better
Dementia: Fives, change the group name, I’ll do the names
5.0.5.: 🫡🫡
ouabhEnjoyer: I’m going to fucking bed…
[‘5.0.5.” changed “Wedding_Planning” to “🎆💥🎇WEDDING_PLANS🎇💥🎆”]
[“Dementia” changed their name to “RAAWWRRR”]
[“RAAWWRRR” changed “Dr._Fug”’s name to “TheBrokeDoctor”]
[“RAAWWRRR” changed “5.0.5.”’s name to “BearBearBears”]
[07:54AM]
TheBrokeDoctor: I will just… leave it at this then I guess…
———————————————————————————————————————————
[9:32AM]
TheBrokeDoctor: Here is how the wedding will go (so far):
- 11am: getting ready
- 12pm: pictures
- 12:30pm: ceremony
- 1pm: reception begins
- 1:30pm: lunch
- 2pm: cake cutting
- 2:15pm: first dance, followed by dancing for everyone else
- 4pm: end
Any objections?
RAAWWRRR: Yes- WHERE IS THE BOUQUET TOSS?!
ouabhEnjoyer: We are not throwing the bouquet I’ve been growing for the past year.
TheBrokeDoctor: It’s carnivorous plants as well, I don’t think the person catching that thing would get to keep their hands
RAAWWRRR: Ugh booooooriiiing.
BearBearBears: 🤷💁♂️👗🪢
TheBrokeDoctor: Garters won’t be a thing at our wedding, which is definitely for the better
BearBearBears: 🧍♀️
RAAWWRRR: What about entertainment? Music, a band, maybe a whole ass orchestra!
ouabhEnjoyer: We have a pianist and a string quartet.
RAAWWRRR: Tf is a string quartet
TheBrokeDoctor: Google is free :)
RAAWWRRR: Hey you don’t get to just use my passive aggressive response against me!
ouabhEnjoyer: I hate to break it to you, but he just did.
RAAWWRRR: Oh piss of
BearBearBears: 🙉🙊🙈
[01:06AM]
RAAWWRRR: Alright Fives here’s the plan. We tell Flugster and Black Hat to hang up the piano for dramatic effect and I lead Flug under it, then you cut the string and BAM! HE’S DEAD! Good plan!
Dr. Flug saw the message almost as soon as Dementia sent it when he went on break and had to do a double take. She was trying to get him killed? Since when? And why? He hadn’t broken any of the Monster cans she collected since… that one time, and there was really nothing else that got her angry enough to commit homicide. As 5.0.5. entered the room to bring some food (the little attentive fellow) and got over to where the doctor was sitting, he turned his phone to the bear.
“Do you know if I did anything to upset her?” he asked, looking for 5.0.5.’s reaction. He physically recoiled and stood there, maw slightly agape, as he finished the message.
“So I assume you don’t know what’s going on either?” The bear shook his head no.
“Hm… I’ll see what Black Hat thinks, I’m sure you wouldn’t have cut the string anyway.”
As Dr. Flug left the room 5.0.5. looked after him, he’d never do harm to his father! But… maybe he should play along with Dementia, just to not let her on that her plan certainly wouldn’t work.
[01:23AM]
BearBearBears: Go piss gurl 💃
Dr. Flug knocked on the door to Black Hat’s office, not sure if his boss/fiancé was still up (he most likely was since demons didn’t sleep much if at all, but just to make sure).
“Yes?” So he was awake.
“May I come in?” The doors instantly started opening, revealing Black Hat sat at his desk, paperwork in front of him.
“Cut the formalities at this hour, by Lucifer, I’m too exhausted for it.” Man, Dr. Flug loved this overdramatic asshole so much.
He made his way around the desk to stand beside Black Hat.
“Dementia has sent something… rather concerning into the group chat.”
“Did she say she was going to bake?”
“No.”
“Then it can’t be that bad.”
“She wrote her “plan” to kill me.”
Only the sound of the grandfather clock could be heard for the next moments. Then Black Hat spoke again.
“Excuse me?” He sounded legitimately lost. Flug took out his phone and opened the chat.
“She wrote, and I quote: “Alright Fives here’s the plan. We tell Flugster and Black Hat to hang up the piano for dramatic effect and I lead Flug under it, then you cut the string and BAM! HE’S DEAD! Good plan!”. So if she tells us to hang up the piano, we should probably think about it twice, though I already asked 5.0.5. about it and he notified me that he wouldn’t pull the string, so-“
“Are you out of your mind we need to banish her to the seventh circle of hell right now or worse to-“
Dr. Flug put a hand over Black Hat’s mouth.
“Shush. She’s tried to kill me before, I’m sure she’ll either forget about it or will simply be too lazy to execute her plan, I think, as long as we don’t hang up that piano, we’ll be fine.”
“If she tries to kill you anyway I’m allowed to banish her to the seventh circle of hell, right?”
“Maybe the first, and only for a time-out.”
“Alright… until when do you plan on working tonight?”
“I’m on break right now, so maybe an hour, then I’ll go to bed.”
“Good, I’ll be there.” And so they parted to go back to their respective duties.
Parallel to all of that Dementia noticed her grave mistake of sending the plan into the group chat and not to 5.0.5. directly. She quickly deleted it, then thought. Eh, surely no one except him saw, it would all work out fine and that pesky scientist wouldn’t come in hr way anymore, muahahahaha!
———————————————————————————————————————————
Dementia was very disappointed when the piano was not hung up in the air above the dance floor like she’d asked Black Hat to, but instead on the stage where it was logically supposed to be. Oh well, she could kill Flug another time, now it was time to enjoy the wedding, and most importantly, the food. But now was still the ceremony, ugh, where Black Hat, who was by the way in the sexiest dress ever, and Flugster, in a tuxedo dress that would look way better on Dementia, were doing some blood ritual shit. Who the fuck cared? It was almost no one there except for the main 4, Penumbra, and basically the whole Black Hat org.
‘Fluggie looks fine in his outfit I guess… maybe if I overthrow him on the toilet and slip into it no one will notice. Good plan, totally.’