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Utena runs through the garden, dirt staining her bare feet as thorns snag against her pajamas. Roses surround her on all sides, drowning her in their perfume and brushing their petals against her face. For once, though, she does not linger, and instead she tears the vines away and pushes her body through the remains of blossoms and brambles. She stumbles forward in an explosion of petals – some white as snow, some bright as crimson – and they fall to the ground with her as she lands in the grass, naked and unblemished.
Utena remains there for just a moment, lying still until she sees her goal: a patch of herbs, low to the ground and hidden away from everyone but herself. She crawls towards them, drawn by the fresh scent of mint and citrus and something earthy and unidentifiable. They're every bit as intoxicating as the roses that caged her in, and she digs her nails into the dirt and rips them from the ground, roots and all. Perilla and parsley, leeks and small wild onions, all sorts of greenery she can’t recognize is shoved into her face, and she chokes on the bitterness as she swallows down each mouthful. She gorges on every plant in sight, leaving the soil bare, unaware of the world around her until a hand grips her by the shoulder.
“Miss Utena? It’s time to get up.”
“So, what do you think it means?”
Wakaba hums to herself in consideration, thumbing through her new book as she taps her foot against the floor. Anthy looked up long enough to read the cover – Psychic Underworld: Dream Analysis for the New Century – before glancing back at her empty notebook. Utena had told her of her dream, or at least all the details that she saw fit to tell; she spoke of roses and herbs, but not the threat of thorns and brambles or what they took from her. Wakaba flips through the pages while Anthy takes her pencil to paper, and Utena twiddles her thumbs, waiting for a response.
“Let’s see… in my expert opinion, this means…”
“Yeah?”
“This means there’s too much junk in your diet!”
“Oh come on, be serious – hey!”
Wakaba interrupts her with a light thwap on the head with her paperback, and says, “I am serious! You’ve got to start taking better care of yourself, or else you’re going to get yourself sick.”
Utena grumbles, and says, “I feel fine, Wakaba – “
“For now.”
“ – and besides, Himemiya and her brother are always looking out for me. Isn’t that right?”
The pencil lead snaps against Anthy’s paper when Utena looks back at her, leaving speckles of graphite over her latest notes. She taps her notebook against the desk in lieu of giving a response, watching the dust fall over her list, but the bells interrupt her and Wakaba alike. Class is over, and Wakaba is quick to stuff her things back into her little bag, new book and all.
“I guess you don’t have much to worry about with the Chairman taking care of everything,” Wakaba murmurs, closing her straps tight. “But be careful, okay? Remember, dreams don’t lie!”
“You came home early today. Is everything alright?”
“I’m fine,” Utena says, leaning against Akio, her face illuminated by artificial starlight. “I’m just a little tired, is all – besides, the guys will be fine without me for just one game.”
Akio murmurs something as he drapes his arm around her, but Utena’s gaze remains fixed on the stars, staying perfectly still as she watches the constellations dance around the darkened room. It’s not the first time they’ve gone stargazing together, and it seems to matter little whether they spend time in a planetarium or out in the open air.
“Hey, Akio-san? This sounds silly, but…”
“Yes?”
“How much do you know about dreams? I’ve been having some strange ones lately, but I haven’t been able to figure them out. My friend got this book, see, on dream analysis? It’s supposed to tell you what it all means, but I don’t think it helped very much.”
“A dream can be a very personal thing,” he murmurs. “Someone’s greatest fantasy can be your own worst nightmare, or vice-versa. It’s all a matter of perspective, and there’s only so much a book can help with that. After all, no book, no matter how skilled the author, can hope to understand the depths of every heart – at best it can only give you an idea, nothing more. However…”
He grins, and whispers in her ear, “If it troubles you that much, I can always give you something new to dream about.”
The last thing Anthy hears is Utena gasping for breath, followed by the creak of two bodies pressed against the couch. She’s gone long before either of them rise up for air, and slips silently into her bed. Utena slinks in hours later, and Anthy’s hand is waiting for hers as always; her warmth is the last thing she feels before finally drifting into sleep.
“What?! What do you mean, you didn’t go to the game?”
“I told you, I’ve just been tired lately, alright?”
The answer is hardly enough to satisfy Wakaba, who’s now glaring daggers at her best friend. She curls her lips into a pout, before she pushes herself over Utena’s desk to press her hand against her forehead. Utena shoves it away with a huff, and undeterred, Wakaba crosses her arms as she looks her over.
“Well, you don’t have a fever,” she says, “And you clearly have some energy left. So, come on! Tell Nurse Wakaba your symptoms.”
“My wha-“
“Your symptoms! Stiff joints? Sore throat? Upset stomach? Or maybe…”
Wakaba’s eyes light up in realization, and she lowers her voice, asking, “It’s not that time of month, is it?”
“No, no,” Utena whispers, shaking her head. “It still hasn’t… you know…”
“What, really? Hasn’t it been a while?”
“Not that long,” she says quickly, “And it’s not the first time it’s been a little late, either, so…”
Wakaba frowns a little, and says, “That happens to sporty girls sometimes, doesn’t it? But – well, it’s probably nothing, I’m sure it’ll come soon. If you need anything, just let me know, okay? It’s gonna be real rough when it does come - trust me, you're going to need all the help you can get!”
“You don't have to worry, really. ”
"But I do! After all, that's what friends are for."
Anthy slips away while they chatter, her notebook clutched tight against her chest. She spares a glance to the calendar on the classroom wall, ignoring the tests and exams, and flees just as the bells ring across campus.
“Sorry – I thought you just came home early today.”
Utena pulls cups and plates from the cupboard while Anthy measures tea leaves. She glances back at her before reaching for the tea pot, and says, “I guess I got so caught up talking to Wakaba that I didn’t even hear the bell. I waited for you in the garden, but you’d already left – so I thought maybe you’d be here with Akio-san. I feel kind of bad, letting you run errands all by yourself.”
“It’s no trouble,” she says, taking the tea pot from her. “I’d been meaning to go shopping for a long time.”
“Oh yeah, you’ve been making a list, right? Ginger and peppermint… chamomile and fennel… what else…”
“Just some things for tea.” Anthy adds another scoop of leaves, and continues, “I’ve been thinking about trying a new blend."
Utena laughs a little, and says, “Not something I can help with, I guess. But still, shopping is more fun with friends, isn’t it? So…”
Their hands rest on the counter, fingertips brushing against each other. Hair falls over Utena’s face, hiding her blush, but her smile is as warm as ever as she looks over at Anthy.
“If you ever want some company, just let me know, okay? I’d just like to – “
Steam rises from the kettle before it interrupts them with a shriek, and their hands separate to attend to their separate tasks; Anthy making tea, as always, and Utena rushing away to set the table, waiting for her as she always does.
“She told me everything.”
Akio lounges on the couch, his shirt still undone. What he sees when he stares at the ceiling Anthy does not know; for once no stars shine in the darkness, leaving them both well and truly alone. Anthy pulls up her socks and adjusts her skirt, not yet ready to reach for her glasses.
“A wave of roses reaching out to her… plants stolen from a witch’s garden in the dead of night… a prince should have loftier dreams than that, but it’s a charming dream for a princess, don’t you think? A strange dream, perhaps, but not unappealing.”
Anthy gives no answer, silent save for the sound of her zipper and the soft rustling of cloth. Akio’s eyes narrow as she ties her ascot, but her face remains impassive.
“When was the last time you dreamt, I wonder? What dreams lie in the depths of a witch’s heart?”
Finally, she puts on her glasses, leaving him behind as she walks away, as neat and tidy as when she first came home from class.
“Good night, Big Brother.”
Anthy wakes up to an empty bed and the sounds of retching from their shared bathroom. She wastes no time fleeing from the covers, hair still loose and glasses still on the bedside table, and when she finds Utena she’s hunched over the toilet, heaving. She drops beside her without a word, but she’s too late to be of any help; Utena’s already finished before Anthy’s knees even hit the tiles. They kneel in silence for a moment, both girls trembling before Utena dares to look up at her, her cheeks flushed and eyes wet with tears. Whether the cause is shame or exertion or something else entirely, Anthy does not know. All she knows is how quick Utena looks away from her, wiping the specks of bile away with the back of her hand before anyone can see.
“It’s just the two of us today,” Anthy says softly, placing her hand on Utena’s shoulder. “Why don’t we stay home? I’ll make us something light.”
Utena only sniffles and nods, and Anthy squeezes her shoulder before leaving to prepare breakfast.
“Miss Utena?”
Anthy is already in the kitchen, fully dressed and freshened up by the time Utena’s done washing her face. Everything for their breakfast has already been set on their table, but it looks more like their afternoon tea. It’s not exactly the same, however: in the place of cookies and biscuits are pieces of plain toast, and their little jar of sugar cubes has been switched out for a pot of honey. But most important of all, the scent of roses has been replaced with…
“Is that mint?” Utena sniffs the air as she looks at Anthy, already seated beside her.
“Yes,” she says, leaning over to add more honey to Utena’s cup. “It’s that new blend I was telling you about – I thought it would be better for your stomach. Please, try some.”
Utena nods and picks up her cup, invigorated by the fresh scent. She takes a sip, and, apparently pleased by the taste, takes another.
“Hey, Himemiya?”
“Yes, Miss Utena?”
“Do you…” Utena stops for a moment and shakes her head. “This sounds silly, but do you know anything about fairy tales?”
Anthy pauses, silent save for the soft clink of her spoon stirring honey into her cup. She knows her fair share of fairy tales and other old fables: she knows of boys borne from peaches, girls borne from bamboo, and monsters borne from desperation; she knows of toads and snakes and every other beast that holds a prince inside them, ready to be coaxed out by the most patient of girls; she knows of fairy godmothers and evil witches and princesses locked away in towers, of the thin line between guest and hostage, and how easily one can become another depending on who tells the story.
“A little,” she says, bringing her cup up to her lips. “I think everyone heard at least one growing up.”
“I’ve just…” Utena hesitates, her hands gripping her own cup of tea, now in danger of being forgotten. Anthy nudges the jar of honey towards her, but Utena shakes her head and takes another sip.
“I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately,” Utena says. “Akio-san said that my dreams reminded him of them. Like Rapunzel, and how she got taken away just because her mother wanted some parsley – it sounds awful, doesn’t it? But back in the old days, they thought she would have died without it. And there’s another one, too, about a witch her promised a queen a family if she’d just take a rose – a red one or a white one. She told her just to pick one, but she ended up picking both. But she wasn’t being greedy, she just…”
“It must have slipped her mind,” Anthy murmurs, her eyes watching Utena as the other girl drinks her tea. “It can be easy to forget what you’re supposed to do, sometimes.”
“Yeah!” Utena’s shoulders relax, but her grip is still tight around her cup. “These were just honest mistakes. But still… that makes it worse, doesn’t it? So many people got hurt, all because someone panicked and took something they weren’t supposed to. If they had another chance, then maybe – “
“It’s gone.”
“Huh?”
Utena sits herself upright, and Anthy beams down at her as she gathers up their cups and saucers.
“The tea – you finished the whole thing, Miss Utena.”
“Oh…” Utena smiles sheepishly as she folds her hands over the lap, and says, “It was great, Himemiya. Hey, do you have any more of this? If it works like you say it does, then it would be pretty handy to have around.”
Anthy stops, her back turned to her, and the plates clink together before she takes them to the sink.
“Of course, Miss Utena.”
Utena sits by the window, watching the clouds drift past their castle in the sky. Thick heavy ones pile around the base like dollops of whipped cream, smothering the world below, while cotton bolls and giant white marshmallows break off and float away. Some of them form into shapes – rabbits, ducks, and flying saucers – while others are simply content to be. Or maybe she just can’t tell what they’re supposed to be. It would be nice if Wakaba was here to point them out, or if Himemiya lingered longer after dropping off cakes and tea. Some company would be nice up here, so far away from the dorms…
She can hear the elevator ding and the doors open, and there’s Akio striding into the room, as if he read her mind. It takes him only a couple steps to reach her on the couch, and she smiles up at him as she pours him a cup of tea. But all that comes out of the pot are shards of crystal, broken pieces of quartz and diamond clattering against the porcelain, spilling over the rim and onto the table. The cakes are no better; as soon as Akio touches the plate, the pastries are replaced with stone and hardened ash, covering his fingers with dirt and grime from the earth below. They linger for a while, their thighs pressed together, Akio smearing filth against her knee. His fingertips leave streaks as he presses his hand between her legs, and Utena lunges forward, grabbing his tea cup and bringing it to her lips, and she swallows it all: the hunks of crystal and shattered gems, the dirt the dust and shards from everything that glitters underground, she drinks it down until it fills her belly, fills it up until it aches, and she feels as if she’s about to burst…
Utena awakes from the couch with a start, her nap disrupted by the blood pooling between her legs. She cries out in pain, but she doesn’t have to wait for Anthy to find her – she’s already there, kneeling on the floor beside her, hand intertwined with hers. Utena clenches her teeth as she presses her legs together, red stains seeping through her pants, and she squeezes Anthy’s hand so tight that her knuckles turn white.
“It hurts,” she whimpers, tears welling in her eyes. “It’s like a dagger going right through my gut.”
“I know,” Anthy whispers, patting her hand. “I know.”
“Does it hurt like this every time?”
Utena bites back another cry before Anthy can respond, curling up against herself as another cramp tears through her body. Tears roll down her cheeks as she lies trembling, and Anthy kisses them away, squeezing her hand until she goes still. They stay like this for a time, blood seeping through Utena’s clothes and into the white upholstery beneath her; there should be plenty of time to get the stains out before Akio returns, if she works quickly enough. Chores like this are nothing new to her, after all.
But that’s a problem for later. For now her thoughts are on Utena, so small and pale beneath her. She looks almost like a child, still clad in her pajamas like this, sniffling away as the last of her tears dry up. She can feel her hand relax against hers, and Anthy stands, helping Utena rise to her feet.
“She said it would be rough,” Utena chokes, her voice still straining with pain. She forces a smile, and says, “I guess I should have listened to her.”
Anthy simply leads her into the bathroom, giving no reply save for touch, her arm wrapped around her waist as Utena leans against her. She sniffles one last time, and says, “Hey, Himemiya?”
“Yes, Miss Utena?”
“Do you think we can have tea later on? The old tea, I mean, and cakes, too. If it’s just… if it’s just the two of us today. If it’s not too much trouble.”
“Don’t worry, Miss Utena,” she says, finally letting go of her. “I’ll take care of everything.”