THE TRIAL OF THE GRIM REAPER

by iamdusky

Summary:

A year after the Cartoon Network universe began its war against Planet Fusion, the Grim Reaper is summoned to the Doomsday Court to answer for his crimes committed against the Underworld.

THE TRIAL OF THE GRIM REAPER

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The first omen was when a raven pooped on Billy's front lawn. Nobody noticed it because the front lawn was always full of crap anyway. The second was when Billy's mom Gladys was setting down dinner and found it crawling with maggots. She yelped, but before she could react further Billy and his dad Harold came rushing to the table, shouted "European food!" and gobbled it all up. Others followed: the laundry basket bursting into a ball of blue flame; the delivery guy forgetting the fries in the takeout they ordered; and Mandy's dog Saliva vomiting a bucketful of ketchup. But each event could also be explained by something happening to or because of Billy, so they all came and went pretty much ignored.

It was when Grim found his palms stained with indelible black that he realised that something was amiss. His eye sockets widened as he recognised the mark of Davy Jones.

It was Saturday evening, and the kids were watching the usual late-night drivel. Grim turned his hands in the dim light of the living room TV to examine the coating on his fingers. The colour seeped into the joints, daubed all the way down to his wrists. It was as if he had dipped his hands in squid ink. Grim rubbed his thumb and forefinger together, half-testing if they were indeed wet with it, but he felt the dryness of his bones.

"I just can't believe it!"

"Oh, you BETTER BELIEVE IT, babe."

The TV blared in the background. Grim looked up to see the show's blubbery host, his face pink and gleaming like a cherub. His hands flapped with excitement as tonight's guest draped themselves over the coach by his desk. This one came swathed in red velvet, a shock of white fur adorning the shoulders, hair slicked back with glimmering product. He was male, but androgynous in his appearance, and his voice sizzled like hot oil. The host wheezed with laughter, Billy too, as the guest gesticulated with hands that were hidden in enormous sleeves.

Grim narrowed his eye sockets. How dull. He turned his attention back to his own hands.

This didn't make sense. For what reason would Davy mark him? They hadn't spoken in centuries… Why now? Surely it couldn't be because of the war? Grim shook his head. The Underworld knew these were exceptional circumstances. And yet, the blackness of his hands disagreed with him. "How," Grim then murmured. How could he even be marked in the first place – after all, was he not the Grim Reaper, Keeper of the Nine Gates, Steward of the Crossed, Lord of the Underworld?

"That's an EXCELLENT question," the TV growled at a volume that was far too loud. It almost sounded like the voice was in the room with them.

Grim glanced at it, and startled. Looking at the TV, he found that the guest on the show was staring straight into the central camera and right at him.

"Oh, darling, haven't you FIGURED IT OUT YET?"

The guest leaned forward, his dark lips peeling back to reveal too many teeth. His eyes bulged out of his angular face, and Grim noticed how yellow they were.

"You thought you were being just so CLEVER, DIDN'T YOU?" the guest hissed. His voice reverberated across the walls, and Grim knew that this was the supernatural.

Grim spoke. "Who da heck are you and what do you want?"

"Grim," the guest batted his eyelids with disappointment. "Don't you recognise me?" he said.

Grim narrowed his eye sockets again. "No, I don't. Now stop playin' with me and tell me who you are."

The guest cackled. As he laughed, Grim watched the guest's face break out in blotches of crimson, spreading down his throat and consuming his ears. His eyes grew more intense in their yellow hue, with speckles of sick green, and the nostrils of his pointed nose flared with arousal. Grim saw as the guest's ears became pointed, and realisation dawned as the loose sleeves came up to reveal swollen, jagged claws.

"How about NOW?" said the entity known only as HIM.

Grim scowled. "Yeah, all right. Well den, what do you want?" he repeated.

"There's no need to be rude," HIM said with glee. "Aren't you pleased to see me?"

Grim stared at HIM. Beside, Billy began to whine about his show being interrupted, but a harsh word from Mandy shut him up. Like Grim, she waited in silence for HIM to elaborate.

"Okay," HIM said, his words laced with sweetness. "Grim, my darling, you've been SERVED."

"What?" Grim said, "Served how?"

"Served, like you're going to TRIAL."

"Trial?"

"That's what I said."

"For what?! What did I do?!" Grim's voice raised.

"YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID, GRIM."

"You can't be serious!"

"We are."

"But you all agreed to it!"

"We changed our minds."

"But dat's ridiculous! I'm da Grim Reaper!"

HIM smiled even wider than he ever had before. "You broke the LAWS of the NECRONOMICON, Grim. Even the GRIM REAPER is not above the LAW."

Grim's jaw dropped in disbelief.

"But… I'm one of da Seven Lords. If I'm put on trial, how can da court cast judgement?"

"Death will stand in your place."

"Death? I thought he was retired!"

"He's made a special exception for you."

"Dat's nonsense! I'm gonna go down dere now and talk him outta dis."

HIM shook his head. "Too late," he said. "Your name has already been written in the Book of Summons."

"Oh, come on!" Grim threw his hands up in the air. It was done. He had no choice but to go.

Grim jabbed his finger at the TV. "You people are gonna regret this," he growled, "Mark my words, when I come down dere I'm gonna make sure all your stupid charges are shoved right back up where dey came from."

HIM grinned his horrible grin. "Good luck."

The TV switched off.

Grim felt the children's beady eyes weighing on him.

"Sounds like somebody's got some skeletons in their closet."

"Shut up, Billy."

Mandy got up from the couch. "We might as well pack our bags," she said.

Grim turned to look at her. "What? You two ain't coming."

"That's not up to you, Grim. I decide that Billy and I are going with you."

"But it's da Underworld! It's all boiling fire and burning lava down dere!"

"Then we'd better pack some sunscreen."

"Yay, we're going on vacation!" Billy chimed.

Grim groaned.

"Screw dis, I'm going to see Dracula," he said and left the house.

The Home of the Ancients was a ratty old building standing at the end of an overgrown path across the road from Eternal Meadows cemetery. A hunched beast of brutalist design, it was a stain on the picture of an otherwise wholesome community (even with the graveyard). Many petitions had tried to knock the creepy thing down, but it remained protected by the state as a site of historical significance. It had a perpetual dark cloud hanging over it, offending the neighbours who preferred to enjoy nicer weather. Most people gave it a wide berth, and nobody was ever seen visiting in the day, which was fine - because due to the fact that almost all of the Home's residents were (former) fearsome creatures of the night, its opening hours were nocturnal.

Grim trudged through the front doors, the light of the moon casting his long shadow across the weathered carpet. Sitting at the front desk was a middle-aged receptionist propping her chin up with the thermos of coffee she kept filled to get her through the endless night shift.

Grim walked up to the desk. The receptionist gazed up at him with droopy eyelids. "Um... hello," Grim said, "I'm here to visit Dracula."

The receptionist lifted the mighty weight of her head to search for a pen. "What's your relation to Dracula?" she said as she dug through the piles of paperwork on the desk.

"Janice, it's me, Grim," Grim said. "I come here every week. Do we have to go through dis every time?"

"Sir, I'm just following policy," Janice said as she plucked a chewed-up ballpoint from the depths. "What's your relation to the resident in question?" she repeated.

Grim sighed. "I'm his friend."

"And your name is?"

If Grim had eyes he would roll them. "I am da Grim Reaper."

"Is that 'Reaper' with an 'E' and an 'A'?"

"…Yes."

"Okay, please have a seat over there while I check with the nurse in charge," Janice gestured toward a set of plastic chairs without looking. Grim scowled at her then turned to resign himself to the waiting area. He sat down and watched as Janice dialled in a number for someone on the phone who picked up right away. Instead of telling them that he was waiting, however, Janice proceeded to begin the most mediocre conversation he had ever heard. Grim gritted his teeth as she droned, circling back for the fourth time to brag that her nephew was "top of his class at his ABCs". He leaned forward and buried his eye sockets into the back of her head, trying to summon her to look in his direction. Useless.

Grim sighed. "Excuse me," he called out. Janice turned to raise her eyebrow at him. "I'm sure you're, uh, havin' a very nice chitchat, but I've been waitin' here for fifteen minutes. When can I see Dracula?" he said.

Janice narrowed her eyes and muttered something into the phone. She turned back to Grim with a dirty look. "She's on her way," she said.

Grim smiled at her in thanks. A little while later, the nurse in charge, a tall woman who marched in with militaristic vigour, came to collect Grim.

Grim followed her through stale-smelling corridors into the Home's night area. Tungsten lights flickered over the sight of withered monsters ambling about with walkers or being tended to by nurses. The nurse in charge left him to look for Dracula without breaking her stride, heading back to her office. Grim smiled and gave a small wave in response to the curious faces turning to stare at him. He moved past an old goblin sipping thin soup with his gummy mouth, while a group of zombies sat in front of the TV watching a rerun of some soap opera. Grim's eye sockets lit up as he came upon a face he knew – that of the Bride of Frankenstein, who was in the middle of a jovial knitting session with Medusa and the Wicked Witch of the West.

"Hello, ladies," Grim said as he approached to greet them.

"Oh, Grim dearest, it's good to see you!" the Bride said as she saw him. "How are you? Here to see Dracula?"

"I am indeed. I'm afraid it's not just a social visit dis time; I've got some business I need to discuss with him."

"Oh, I do hope it isn't anything too serious! You already work so hard, Grim."

"Thank you, Birdy."

"Would you like a candy?" Medusa said, already putting down her knitting to dig through her purse. Grim faltered, knowing what she was about to produce. "Uh, I'm okay Medusa, thank you very much."

"No, I insist! A nice young man like you deserves a treat," she said as she grabbed a handful of boiled sweets and offered them to him. Grim held his breath as under the intensity of her gaze, blurred with age and no longer able to discriminate, the sweets turned into stone pebbles. Grim sighed. "Thank you," he said, and put one into his mouth. "Mmm," he managed, "Very tasty." The old ladies beamed. Grim bade them farewell and carried on, reaching up a discrete hand to spit the candy-pebble back into it.

Dracula was sat at a table in the corner playing cards with the Wolfman and the Creature of the Black Lagoon. Or rather, Dracula was trying to, because age had caught up on the poor Creature, and his fish memory was not what it used to be.

"Come on, Goonie, it's your turn to draw!"

"Draw? Oh, I'm not very good at art."

"Not art, Goonie! We playin' cards! It's your turn to draw from the deck!"

"Oh, I'd love to go out onto the deck, but it's little too chilly for me right now."

Dracula sighed. "Here, lemme see those," he said and grabbed Goonie's cards from his hands. Dracula's eyebrows shot up as he realised that Goonie had a winning had.

"Is it any goooood?" the Wolfman asked, his 'O's stretching out in a doggy whine.

"It's uh, it's all right," Dracula said, trying to appear unimpressed. "I think you should fold."

"Okay!" the Wolfman said and lay his cards out. Dracula switched the cards and gave his own hand back to Goonie. Goonie smiled at him and laid them down.

Dracula cackled. "Ha ha, suckas! I win!" he said as he presented his (stolen) hand with a flourish.

"Oh, man! You're so good at this, Dracula," the Wolfman said. "I'm gonna go get a snack." He got up and pitter-pattered over to the cookie tray by the TV.

Grim approached Dracula with a knowing smile. "Still cheating at cards, I see," he said as he sat down.

"I don't know what you talkin' about," Dracula retorted. "You got me my Red Bludd?"

"Of course," Grim said and tossed him the six pack he was carrying. Dracula tore open the pack and cracked open a can, before taking a deep, long drink. "Ah, that's the good stuff," he said.

"So what's new wit' you, Grim?" he said as he reached for another can.

"Actually, Dracula, I got a problem I need to talk to you about."

"Problem? What kinda problem you got?"

"I've been summoned by da Doomsday Court for trial."

"You been summoned? But you one of the Seven Lords!"

"Dat's what I said! But dey've gone and brought out Death outta retirement for dis."

Dracula made a face. "That's nasty. So what you gon' do?"

"Well, I gotta go, don't I? My name's in da book."

"So you just gon' go and defend yourself?"

"You bet I am!"

"What about your uncle? You can't get a word wit' him?"

"You know we don't talk, Dracula. Plus if dey find out me out tryin' to bribe one of da judges dey gonna stick even more charges on me. I need dis to stay easy."

"Grim, this the Underworld you're talking about! They gon' drag you through the mud!"

"I know, but dis is different. Dese are exceptional circumstances."

Dracula snorted. "Sure. You know, I was almost made Lord back in the day."

"Yes, I know, Dracula."

"No you don't! Baby I coulda been the baddest Lord of the Underworld there ever was! But you know why they turned me down?"

"Because you scrape and lick."

"Because I scrape and lick! They try to say that a vampire don't scrape and lick, they bite! But how you think I ruled with terror for so long? Because I ain't spending all my time trying to clean up messes from biting! Then they go give it to that Abadeer guy instead of me. Fools!" Dracula dropped back in his chair with crossed arms, having made himself upset from reliving the memory. When he calmed down, he jabbed a finger at his friend. "Now you listen here Grim, you gon' go down there and show 'em who's their daddy for Dracula! And lawyer up!"

"A lawyer?" Grim said, puzzled. "What am I gonna need a lawyer for?"

"You gon' need a fella who's as dirty as them to win this thing! I'm tellin' you!"

"Dracula, I don't think dat's gonna be necessary. I'm da Grim Reaper. Dey'll have to listen to me."

Dracula shook his head. "Anyway, since you're going down there get Dracula some of that Nightosphere sauce and some of them pickled demon toes, will you?"

"You know I can't anymore, Dracula. Dey changed da customs restrictions dis year - no unholy perishables entering da Surface world."

"Blergh!" Dracula cried, "You better find yourself that lawyer!"

Grim nodded. "Well, I best be going den. Enjoy da Red Bludd."

"You know I will," Dracula said. The friends shook hands and Grim turned to leave. As he walked away, he heard the sound of violent puking.

"Dammit Wolfman, stop eating the chocolate cookies!" Dracula shouted.

"But they taste so goooood," the Wolfman whimpered.

Grim returned to Billy's house to find the children waiting at the front door with their suitcases packed. Grim made a face at the sight of Billy. "Why are you wearing a sun hat, boy?"

"Mandy told me it was gonna be hot!" Billy beamed from under a wide straw brim.

Mandy shoved a purple envelope in Grim's face. "Some demon dropped this off while you were gone," she said. Grim took the envelope and cracked the seal to read what was inside.

"Dis is da court summons," he read. "Dammit, dis is dated last week!"

"What does that mean?" Mandy asked.

"Dey always do dis! Now dey gonna try hold me in contempt for being late. Okay, grab your stuff, we gotta go now."

The children gathered around Grim as he prepared to cast the spell that would open the gate to Heck. After a few seconds, nothing had happened.

"What are you waiting for?"

"I, uh, don't quite remember how to do this."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, I'm serious! Da Underworld is a big place, you know! I haven't needed to go downtown in a few hundred years."

"Well, is there an address on the letter they sent you?"

"Good point." Grim unfolded the summons again to scour it. There it was. "Okay, I got dis now. Just one moment."

Grim held out his palm and splayed his fingers. In his other hand, he gripped his scythe as he felt the magic channelling through it. In front of them, reality itself began to tear apart as emerald cracks appeared in space, spreading out until they began to gape, opening up to form a rough oval framed by coursing green energy. On the other side of the portal was pure, burning, fire.

Grim frowned. "Wait, I think I read dat address wrong-"

"Let's gooo!" Billy bellowed and leaped into the flames.

Grim and Mandy looked at each other.

"Uh… he'll be… fine," Grim said. He hurried to double check the address and recast the spell.

This time, the portal tore open to reveal a sprawling infernal city. Roman roofs were punctuated with gothic spires, while cobblestone streets were shadowed by gnarled trees hung with bone lanterns. Demons, goblins, vampires, and monsters bustled with sinister activity, conning each other over market stalls and rushing on foot or through the air to attend to their dark business. The sound of the River Styx, water frothing from the lava that flowed beneath it, could be hearing roaring in the distance. Grim and Mandy stepped into the Underworld.

The portal closed to reveal the towering shape of the Doomsday Court ahead, daring Grim to approach it. Grim moved without hesitation, but after a few steps realised that Mandy had not followed. He turned back to look at her, puzzled.

"I'm going to go look for Billy," she called, then turned to go in the opposite direction. Grim shrugged. "Saves me da trouble," he said and carried on.

He hurried through the streets, pushing past sharp and scaly shoulders to enter the Court square. He crossed the square and reached the great steps, gliding over them to speed through the double doors. Once inside, Grim marched straight through, but was stopped by a security guard.

"Please join the queue, sir," the guard said with his hand held up in front of Grim.

"I've got an appointment," Grim said and tried to continue past the guard. The guard shifted to block Grim again. "Sir, please join the queue," he repeated.

"You don't understand, I'm already late, if I don't-"

"Buddy, this is a courthouse, everybody here's got an appointment. Nobody passes unless it's through security. Join the queue."

"Ugh, fine."

Grim joined the line of demons waiting to get in. To the guard's credit, the wait was short, and soon Grim was invited to step forward. But as he walked through the security arch, it started beeping, and another guard beckoned for Grim to step aside. Grim groaned. He held his arms out as the guard gripped a detector in their claws which they passed over his body. Not finding anything, the guard's attention was instead drawn to what Grim was holding in his hand.

"Have you got a permit for that, sir?" the guard said.

"What?"

"Have you got a permit for the scythe, sir," the guard repeated.

"Why would I need a permit? I'm da Grim Reaper, dat should be permit enough."

"So… have you got a permit?"

"… Yes."

Grim reached into his cloak for his wallet and produced a card for the guard to examine.

"Thank you, sir, you'll find the courtrooms up the stairs. Have a cursed day."

"You too," Grim mumbled as he shuffled past.

The stairs led up to an arched corridor lined with ancient wooden doors, lit by dripping candles. Behind each door, he could hear the screams of denizens receiving judgement, the crack of whips wielded by the demons that punished the guilty and terrorised the accused. Grim ignored these and hurried down the velvet carpet to the far end, towards the last set of doors that were shrouded in shadow, wrought from black iron and inlaid with obsidian, ruby, and bone. These were the doors of the Final Courtroom, the Edge of the Abyss, where the Seven Lords of the Underworld congregated to cast their judgement on those damned enough to have their names written in the Book of Summons. And to worsen an already dreadful day, Grim saw that the paparazzi were waiting right in front of it for him.

"Hey, it's Grim!"

"Grim!"

"Mister Reaper! Smile for the camera!"

"Is it true that you're being stripped of your title as Reaper?"

"Why are the Seven Lords accusing you of treason?"

"Did you help the Powerpuff Girls reunite with their lost sister?"

"Are you being banished from the Underworld, Grim?"

"Is it true that Dexter's secretly a leprechaun?"

"Grim, look here!"

"Over here, Grim!"

"Mister Reaper!"

"Grim!"

Grim shoved their microphones aside, tugging down on his hood to hide his face from the incessant flashes. He waded through them until more security guards moved in to push the reporters away and usher him into their protective midst. They dragged the doors open enough to let him slip in, then slammed it shut as soon as he crossed the threshold, locking the swarm of leeches out.

All eyes in the Final Courtroom turned to witness the Grim Reaper had arrived.

He was followed by whispers, dark promises that silenced his footsteps. He came with a cold that caused them to shiver and draw their clothes about their forms. His cloak caressed the ground with a tenderness, reaching out to the seats he passed by with beckoning fingers, inviting them to join him in eternal slumber. Those sat on the aisle found themselves shifting forwards, until their companions gripped them tight lest they fall into his grasp. The Grim Reaper, harbinger of the end, the black shepherd who waits for all with patience and with the knowledge that meeting him is inevitable. The Grim Reaper, who strode with purpose towards the bench carved from mahogany and stained with ash and fragrant oils, who feared no judgement from the malevolent beings who watched him approach them with perverted gazes.

Grim stood before the Seven Lords of the Underworld.

"You're late," said HIM.

He sat in the middle. His slender frame was clothed with a silken judge's gown the colour of blood and wine, while on his head he wore a wig made from fine silver hair. Around his neck was a hot pink ruff.

"No thanks to you," Grim replied. "Let's get dis foolishness over with. I got places to be."

"Excuse me?" HIM said, his voice feigning shock. "That is no way to address a LORD, Grim Reaper."

"Oh, get over yourself."

"No, no, no, this just won't do, Grim. You were already in DEEP TROUBLE, but now it seems I might have no choice but to hold you in CONTEMPT."

"Screw you!"

"Oh, oh that's good! Do it! I vote that we do it!" chipped in a slimy voice from HIM's right. Grim turned to scowl at the insufferable goof who sat at one end of the bench, wriggling in his seat like he was desperate to soil himself. He wore a gown similar to HIM, but this one was washed out and several sizes too small, resulting in it failing to cover his revolting scarlet behind. His smooth horns poked through the ratty wig he also wore, which he kept reaching up to push back as it slid down his forehead.

"Come on cousin, let's hold him in contempt," purred the Red Guy.

"Stop calling me cousin." HIM made a face. Grim wasn't sure if they were even related.

"But you're right, Red," HIM continued, "I just CAN'T tolerate such DISRESPECT in my courtroom. You are now held in contempt, Grim Reaper. Choose your next words carefully."

"Woah, hold on, the rest of us didn't vote on this," said a third voice. This one had a rich English accent that Grim knew all too well. "It might be your turn to sit at the head of this court, HIM, but its decisions must still be made democratically," said Nergal, the Destroyer of Lives. He leaned forward from his chair beside HIM, resting his ebony claws on the bench. Around his suited arms slithered snakelike tentacles.

"I agree," said yet another beside Nergal whom Grim didn't recognise. Blue flames flickered out of the top of this demon's head, burning from within a black mask that floated in space above their shoulders. They wore a breastplate made from countless skulls, framed by a cape with a high standing collar. "My mastah would not permit a decision to be made without him, and so I will not stand for this in his place," they hissed.

"Oh PLEASE, Demongo, if Aku was here he'd have fallen ASLEEP by now," HIM retorted.

"How dare you insult Aku!" Demongo hissed. "Aku is the Mastah of Darkness!"

"Chairman of the Bored, more like."

"Ha ha, no, HIM's right, Aku would totally do that!" piped up a voice from the other side. "Last time we did this, he drew fake eyes on his eyelids so it looked like he was still awake. It was hilarious!" laughed Hunson Abadeer. This was Dracula's nemesis, the vampiric ruler of the Nightosphere whom Dracula claimed he would forever resent for stealing his place (although had no issue with continuing to purchase from Hunson's licensed condiment line).

"Hey, I remember that. That was funny," said Death from beside Hunson. This was Grim's retired predecessor who had retaken his seat for this occasion. Grim frowned at the sight of him.

"Death, you look different," Grim called out. "What happened to your face?"

"Oh, this?" Death replied, "I won this neat horse skull in a card game. I think it's a pretty good look, don't you?"

"Sure, I think it suits you. But come on, why did you agree to join in on dis? Dat's not cool, man."

"Oh Grim, I'm sorry, but HIM made a good case, and you know how dull retirement can get-"

"ENOUGH WITH THE CHITCHAT!" HIM snapped. "I am VOTING to HOLD the GRIM REAPER in CONTEMPT of THIS COURT, for his TARDINESS, for his COMPLETE DISREGARD OF THE JUDGES' AUTHORITY, for INSULTING THE UNHOLY TRADITION, and for WASTING EVERYONE'S TIME WITH BANAL CONVERSATION."

"I concur!" said Red.

"I oppose," said Nergal.

"I oppose," hissed Demongo.

"Hmm… I'll oppose," said Hunson.

"I concur," said Death. Even the other Lords looked at him. "What, I like the guy, but I can't just give him a break for that!" he exclaimed.

They had voted three against three. It was down to the final vote, and this belonged to the one Lord who had not spoken yet.

Like Grim, and like Death, he had a skull for a face, but it was expressionless. Covering one eye socket was a seashell, while nestled in the other was a shimmering pearl. His cheekbones were pointed. He had long hair along the top of his head and a long goatee, both made of mottled seaweed. His thin body was draped in a simple robe, like a monk's, synched at the waist with old rope and more seaweed, and his chest was exposed enough to reveal it was adorned with fish scales. His hands were made of wood, as was the staff he gripped in his left hand, and in his right he carried a ring of many keys. He was Davy Jones, Patriarch of those Lost and those Misguided, Ferryman of the River Styx, he who appears in the loneliest moments to guide the astray to their destiny.

"I vote…" Davy Jones enunciated with the smoothness of Caribbean rum and the warmth of Earl Grey tea, "… to concur."

Grim's face fell. HIM grinned.

"This court has voted to hold you in CONTEMPT, Grim Reaper. As is tradition, you will be judged for the remainder of this trial with EXTREME PREJUDICE," HIM said. "My, aren't you off to a terrible start." His eyes bore into Grim.

Grim stared back but held his mouth shut, lest he say something that would make things worse.

"Well then," HIM continued, sitting up to begin reading out the list laid out in front of him. "As this court is my witness, I read to you, GRIM REAPER, your charges as follows: FORBIDDEN use of MAGIC to close the gateways between the Underworld and the Surface world; FORBIDDEN use of MAGIC to resurrect denizens of the Surface world destined to cross over; HIGH TREASON for aiding known enemies of the Underworld; HIGH TREASON for sharing forbidden knowledge of the Underworld; CONSPIRACY to OVERTHROW the Seven Lords of the Underworld from their unholy thrones; CONSPIRACY to SEIZE CONTROL of the Underworld; CONSPIRACY to DESTROY it; obstructing me from getting my hands on the Powerpuff Girls EVERY DAMN TIME; CONTEMPT of this court by way of tardiness; CONTEMPT of this court by way of disregarding the authority of the Seven Lords; CONTEMPT of this court by way of insulting the court's unholy traditions; CONTEMPT of this court by way of wasting this court's time with banal conversation; possession of a magic scythe without a valid license."

"Hey, I showed dat guy my permit!"

"It was expired."

Grim waved his hands.

"How do you PLEAD to these CHARGES, Grim Reaper?" HIM asked.

"Innocent," Grim replied.

"Very well," HIM said. "Attend this court TOMORROW to begin your trial."

"Fine," Grim said and left the Final Courtroom.

It was now night time. Grim marched down the Doomsday Court's front steps, muttering under his breath about the events that had just transpired. He found himself in the middle of a Court square had surged with activity since he was inside. Demons stampeded around him, dressed up in tight shirts and tiny dresses, ready to murder the Underworld's opening restaurants, clubs, and bars. Grim moved past a couple of banshees shrieking in excitement as they greeted each other, while ducking to avoid the swing of a giant boombox carried by an orc over his shoulder. He hurried on, ignoring the calls of a group of teenage werewolves inviting him to join some video they were filming, then darted to hide behind an unsuspecting yeti when he saw a few more of the paparazzi that had lingered. With effort, Grim managed to navigate across the square without being recognised or followed by anyone who would bother him further.

Walking down one of the busier streets, he wondered for a moment whether he should look for the kids in case anything had happened to them… Nah. Nothing ever did happen, and even if something had it wasn't like he could do anything about it now, so he had time to take a break first.

Grim's eye sockets widened when he recognised a familiar sign ahead of him – The Ugly Mugge. It was one of the pubs he used to frequent most when he was a student around these parts, and as far as he could see, the place was still up and running. Grim decided to pay it a visit for old time's sake.

Strumming bass and rhythmic drums greeted Grim as he pushed through the doors. A ghoul with a voice like gravel sang a sombre number which haunted the ears of the patrons huddled around the pub's tables, engrossed in hushed conversation. Grim noted them watch him enter, tracking his movements out of the corners of their eyes. They knew who he was, and Grim knew they were talking about him. He didn't care.

Grim took a seat at the bar and nodded at the bartender. The hulking golem trudged over to meet him, speaking in a voice that surprised in how soft it was. "Been a long time since I've seen you round these parts, Grim."

"It's good to see you too, Omer."

"I heard what happened."

"As has everyone, it seems."

"You did the stuff they say you did?"

"Some yes, most no."

"Good enough for me. What can I get for you?"

Grim looked at the options on display for a moment. His eye sockets settled on an option and he smiled.

"Lemme get some of dat bone hurting juice."

"Right away." Omer grabbed a pint glass and pulled a long, clean shot with just a dash of foam on top. He slid it over to Grim, who caught it with a practiced hand.

"How much do I owe you?" Grim asked.

"Don't worry about it. On the house," Omer replied.

"Thanks, Omer." Grim took a swig from the glass, the liquid evaporating as soon as it passed his teeth to be absorbed into his bones. "Oofff," Grim shuddered and shivered, "Ow, my bones. Dat's da stuff," he said with satisfaction. Omer gave him a nod and moved on to serve other patrons.

Grim sat nursing his drink for a while, lost in thought about how he was going to defend himself in court tomorrow. HIM's cheap moves today had come as no surprise to him, but that didn't make things any easier. Dracula's advice from earlier passed through his mind again, but he brushed it off. This was something he had to face by himself.

"Hello, Grim." Grim's train of thought was interrupted by someone setting themselves down into the seat beside him.

"Nergal," Grim's eye sockets narrowed. "Haven't you bothered me enough for today?"

"Don't be like that, Grim," Nergal said as he gestured to Omer to order a round. Omer set down a glass of fuming wine in front of Nergal and another pint of bone hurting juice in front of Grim. "Look, I really think you need to give serious consideration about what we're going to do about your case."

"We? You're da one putting me on trial for no reason," Grim spat.

"You and I both know this was going to happen whether I was an active participant or not," Nergal retorted. "You should be counting yourself lucky that I'm on your side."

"Fine. What do you want, den?" Grim said.

"I want to help you, of course! If we plan this properly, we can sway things so that you get a fair deal."

"What do you mean, a 'deal'?"

"Well, you've got to take a hit for some of it, Grim. If we agree for you to make a plea tomorrow, I know that I can use the momentum to sway the other judges. I just need to persuade three of them – Demongo and Hunson look to be good shots based on today, and Red is so fickle I'm sure I can get him on our side with just the right compliment."

"Absolutely not."

"Grim, be reasonable."

"You be reasonable! You think I'm stupid or something? I didn't do anything wrong, I ain't gonna take da blame for any of it!"

"Grim, they are going to slaughter you in there."

"Good thing I'm already dead, den."

"Grim!"

"Don't 'Grim' me, Nergal. You can keep your offer. I don't need it."

Nergal sighed in exasperation. He and Grim could never quite bring themselves to call each other friends, but when problems had aroused in the past they had somewhat been able to have each other's backs. This situation, however, seemed to have amplified Grim's stubbornness to the maximum. Nergal stared at Grim who had folded his arms like a cross toddler.

"Fine, Grim," Nergal said. "But at least… consider getting yourself a lawyer or something."

Grim threw up his hands. "What is it with you people and lawyers?!"

"You need someone who can play the law."

"In da Underworld? And can you tell me where I can find dis mythical lawyer who won't be in da pockets of a single one of the Seven Lords?"

Nergal hesitated. "Touché."

Grim made a face as if to ask, you got any other stupid questions? and returned to his drink. Nergal, knowing there was nothing more to say on the matter, did the same. They drank in silence for the rest of the evening.

In the morning, Grim joined the queue again to pass through the Court's security. He shot a dirty look at the security guard who ratted him out yesterday as they pretended not to know him.

To Grim's relief, there were no reporters today. It seemed that the Seven Lords were in agreement over them being a hindrance and had done him a rare kindness in blocking them from entering the building. The guards at the door opened it for him as he approached, allowing him through.

"Court is in session."

Today, HIM wore a gown covered in golden sequins with a feather collar that mimicked the colour of flames, with matching gold cat eye glasses and no wig. Red of course had tried to copy him, but his gown's sequins had been stuck on with cheap glue and his collar appeared to be made of wrinkled crepe paper. The others looked the same.

"Good morning, Grim," HIM said as Grim took his seat in the defence. "You look terrible." Grim ignored him, as well as Nergal who was watching Grim with concern.

"Have you prepared yourself SUFFICIENTLY, Grim? Or did you CRY yourself to sleep knowing this is hopeless," HIM said, trying to bait Grim into arguing back.

"I am as prepared as I need to be," Grim said without expression.

HIM grinned, enjoying the game. "Okay," he said, "Let us start by swearing in the jury, why don't we?" He turned to face the group sitting on the side.

"Do you…" HIM said with flamboyance, "swear on ALL that is UNHOLY that you will tell the TRUTH, nothing but the TRUTH, for fear of my ETERNAL WRATH?"

"Aye!"

"Aye!"

"Aye!" came the chorus from the jury.

"Hey..." Grim said as he sat up to get a better look, "Dis jury ain't nothing but a bunch of kangaroos! Dat's not fair!" he protested.

"Oi mate, that's offensive," said one of the kangaroos.

"I'm sorry, Grim, but we don't tolerate discrimination in the Underworld," HIM said. "Do you have a problem with the KANGAROOS?"

"Of course I do!"

"Oh my. Are you saying you're a racist, now?"

"What? No! Dat's not what I meant!"

"Then WHAT did you mean?"

"Dis is a kangaroo court! Clearly dey're gonna be in cahoots with you! How am I supposed to have a chance with dem on your side?"

"Oh, so because they're kangaroos that means they're on my side? I THINK THAT SOUNDS RACIST, GRIM."

"I'm not a flippin' racist!"

"Then why do you have a problem with kangaroos?"

"Ugh, forget it."

Less than five minutes in and Grim already had a migraine. He considered whether he had made a mistake trying to represent himself after all… No, he had to power through. He couldn't let the judges do him in that easy.

"Now, if we don't have any more racist comments to make, Grim, it is time for the prosecution to make its OPENING ARGUMENTS." The corners of HIM's mouth were almost reaching his ears.

"Ahem," said the lawyer from the prosecution as he stood up from his seat. Wait, he looked familiar…

"Red Guy?" Grim said and span to observe the judge's empty seat.

"Yes, it is I, the Red Guy," Red said with a perplexed expression, as if not quite getting a joke Grim was trying to make. He was now dressed in a three-piece suit and his tone had shifted to sounding almost… intelligent?

"But you're one of da judges!" Grim couldn't help but argue again, "Dis doesn't make any sense!"

"I can assure you I am more than capable of fulfilling the demands of this position," Red responded, sounding a little hurt, "In fact, you will find that my credentials precede me."

"It's true, he's a really good lawyer!" Hunson shouted from the bench.

"But you can't be a judge and a lawyer on da same case!" Grim was pleading now, "Come on, dis is absurd!" He looked on instinct to Nergal, who shook his head. His eyes said to Grim that there was nothing he could do.

"I'm going to jail," Grim said as he put his head in his hands.

"Now, if I may begin," Red said while readjusting his tie.

"Approximately one year ago, the Surface world was invaded by alien forces collectively known as 'Fuse'. Now, the Surface world is no stranger to conflict, but this was an attack so massive and so unprecedented, that the denizens of the Surface world found themselves desperately scrambling together a semblance of resistance in the face of an enemy that clearly outmatched them. Naturally, down here in the Underworld this made for excellent entertainment."

The courtroom laughed. Red allowed himself a smirk.

"I think I speak for many in saying that we were huge fans of Sir Raven's documentary covering the failures of the Surface world's 'heroes' leading up to the invasion, and none of us missed a single episode of the hit comedy 'Help, I Married a Fusion!'. Not to mention, of course, that not a dry eye was left when we also witnessed Nosferatu's moving return to the big screen, to portray a vampyr's struggle to make ends meet under the oppression of the alien coloniser."

The courtroom murmured with agreement.

"It's safe to say that thanks to Fuse, the Underworld actually experienced one of its most festive years in recent history! Moreover, based on reports from War Street analysts, the situation on the Surface world was set to decline to such an extent that we were going to usher in a level of wealth obtained from the mass cross-over, that would have made even the lowest denizen of the Underworld filthily rich. That was, until the Grim Reaper decided to intervene."

The courtroom jeered.

"The Grim Reaper decided to intervene! And what happened? An ENTIRE SHIP filled with the world's most powerful heroes, a ship due to crash and send ALL of its passengers to cross over, eliminating ALL of our enemies and all of our problems, a ship which was going to bring in BUCKETLOADS OF CASH and make us the new RULERS OF THE WORLDS – instead of allowing this to happen, the Grim Reaper decided then to have a change of heart and saved them all."

The courtroom broke out into uproar. Demons stood up to point and scream, hurling insults and various objects at Grim, who threw his hand up to cast a spell that would stop the projectiles short before they hit him.

Red raised his voice to be heard above the furore. "This is why the Grim Reaper is guilty! This is why he must be condemned! He has betrayed everything he and this world stands for, to cast his lot with our nemeses! He's a traitor! An enemy of the state! He must be stripped of his title and sent to the deepest recesses of Heck to pay for it!"

Red sat down, satisfied with the cacophony he had ignited. The other Lords of the court looked to HIM as he did nothing, relaxed in his chair as he enjoyed the show. For the first time, Grim began to feel uncomfortable, as the attention pouring down on him mutated from a thing of curiosity to one of utter hate. He hadn't prepared enough for this.

HIM chuckled.

"Okay, okay… ENOUGH." His voice exploded through the courtroom to silence everyone in an instant.

"Thank you, Red," he said. "So, Grim, after all of that… What do you have to say for yourself?"

All eyes stabbed into Grim. He stood up from his chair and to his embarrassment stumbled a little in the process. His tapped the table with the tips of his fingers as he gathered his words.

"Ahem," he coughed, "Okay, so… I acknowledge dat I saved a bunch of people I would not have normally saved."

"BOOO!" the courtroom shouted.

"ORDER!" HIM roared. "Continue."

"Right. So, yes, I saved dose people. And yes, I revealed meself to da world so dat dey would know who I was."

"Were you aware that revealing yourself would CONFIRM the existence of the Underworld?" HIM asked.

"Yes, I was aware of dat."

"So, you did this knowingly, putting the ENTIRE UNDERWORLD AT RISK?"

"Oh, please. Risk? You guys are da ones constantly attacking da Surface."

"We're just doing our jobs, Grim. Something YOU appear to have COMPLETE disregard for."

"I regard my job perfectly fine, thank you very much. If you have forgotten, my job is to guide dose crossed over when dey are due."

"Really? So, what would you call a ship FULL OF PEOPLE HEADING TO THEIR INEVITABLE DEMISE?"

"Dere were too many of dem. I couldn't do dat to all of dem at once."

"The LAW is the LAW, Grim Reaper! Your DUTY is to cross people over, REGARDLESS OF THE NUMBERS."

"But dey were just a bunch of kids!"

HIM raised a hand to his mouth in feigned shock. "Have you gone SOFT, Grim Reaper?"

"You wish I did," Grim spat. "No, dese bones are staying hard. Look, no one can stand dose Surface world brats as little as me, but anyone in my position woulda seen dat making da decision to reap dose souls woulda been devastating to da Surface world."

HIM turned to look at the other judges to see if they shared his disbelief. "I'm sorry Grim, are you dense? This is the UNDERWORLD – DEVASTATION IS GOOD."

Death's face was a picture of worry. He leaned forward to address Grim. "Grim… have you been feeling okay?"

Grim frowned. "I'm fine, why you asking?"

"Grim, this is a huge error in judgement," Death said. "If something's wrong, you can tell us. This is a safe space."

"Uh, no it isn't," Hunson said.

"Okay, this isn't a safe space, but you should still tell us," Death said. "How's your mood? Is it maybe harder to think at the moment? Do you forget to do things sometimes?"

"What? Dere's nothing wrong with me," Grim said.

"I know, I know, Grim. There isn't. But we have some good people you can talk to-"

"I'm not mentally ill, Death!" Grim exclaimed.

"Then why did you disobey your duty?" hissed Demongo.

"I don't know, okay! I saw a buncha too young people heading to a too early end, and I guess I thought, dat's not fair. So, I gave dem a second chance." Grim said with a gesture to indicate he didn't anything more to say.

The Seven Lords stared at him. Nergal shook his head with disappointment. Grim's great appeal to the judges' better natures was the worst thing he could have tried, because the judges' better natures did not exist. Grim met Nergal's gaze then looked away.

HIM was having the time of his life. He looked around at them. "What are our thoughts, judges?" he asked.

Davy Jones spoke. "This is very concerning," he said. "Grim may no longer be fit for his role."

HIM smiled. "I completely agree." He glanced at the jury of kangaroos, who all appeared to be making up their minds. He didn't need to guess which way they were leaning.

"Well then, I think we've heard ENOUGH for today. I declare we adjourn this court until TOMORROW, when the judges and jury will make their final decision."

"Wait, dat's it?" Grim said. "We're not going to discuss dis any further?"

"We've heard EVERYTHING we needed to, Grim Reaper. Unless you have any last comments to support your arguments?"

Grim froze. He couldn't think of a single thing to say.

"I don't," he uttered with resignation.

"Very well," HIM said. "Court is adjourned."

Grim felt like he was floating as he made his way out of the building. This was a nightmare. They couldn't do this to him. And yet, here they were. HIM's laughter echoed in his ears, the image of his eyes alight with evil joy burned into his mind. For the first time since the confrontation at Billy's house, Grim felt afraid of the consequences he might face.

He stopped at the foot of the Court's front steps, beside a group of hippy leprechauns getting ready to busk in the square and pulled out his phone to make a call.

"What?" said the phone.

"Dracula, it's me," Grim said.

"Grim! How's court? You showin'em who's their daddy?"

"No. Things are going terribly."

"What you mean?"

"Dey're dancing circles around me, Dracula. Da jury's in on it, da spectators too – everything I say dey twist and throw back at me! Dere's no reasoning with dem! Plus, dey got Red Guy as deir prosecutor who for some reason now isn't a total idiot? I don't know what I'm gonna do!" Grim's voice raised in volume as he unloaded his anxiety on his friend.

"Calm your bones! Grim, what did you expect? I told you they were gonna play dirty, didn't I?"

Grim sighed. "You did."

"Of course I did! This the Underworld baby, we playin' by Underworld rules! It don't matter if you the Grim Reaper or the floor sweeper – when they decide they gon' get you, they gon' get you!"

"Fine. But what am I supposed to do now? Dey're casting judgement tomorrow!"

Dracula shouted down the phone. "You gotta get yourself a lawyer, man! How many times I gotta say it?!"

Grim looked around in exasperation. "Dracula, we been over dis. Where da flip am I supposed to get a lawyer who's gonna take a stand against da Seven Lords of the Underworld?"

"I don't know! But if you wanna win this thing, you better find yourself one tonight."

Grim sighed. "Goodbye, Dracula," he said and hung up. He put his phone away and reached up to rub his temples, feeling another migraine forming.

"Uh… Hey bony dude, I heard you talking on the phone. Sounds like you got problems, man," a voice from behind him said. Grim turned to see one of the hippy leprechauns had approached him.

"Mind your own business," Grim said.

"Hey, it's all good man. I don't want no trouble. I just wanted to tell you I know someone who can help you out," the leprechaun said, raising his bejewelled hands up.

Grim turned to look at him with suspicious eye sockets. "Who?"

"The Te Xuan Ze, man."

"Te Xuan Ze? I've never heard of them."

"She's amazing, man. She's like, the bridge between worlds. I go to her all the time - this kinda stuff's her speciality. You should see her."

Grim couldn't help but let his curiosity pique. "Where is she? Da Wasteland?"

"No-"

"Da Nightosphere?"

"No, she-"

"Irkalla? Da Dead Worlds? Da Shadow Realm?"

"No, dude!" the leprechaun laughed. "She's not from around these parts. She lives up top."

"Up top?" Grim needed a moment for the words to register. "Da Surface world?"

"Yeah! Here, I think I got one of her cards," the leprechaun patted his ragged clothes to produce a dog-eared rectangle with the words 'TE XUAN ZE INC' imprinted over the fuchsia-coloured symbol of a dragonfly. He handed it to Grim, saying, "She lives in Bellwood, the Orchid Bay district. Tell her Jeff sent you." He gave Grim a little wave and returned to join his group looking on with approval.

Grim took the card and stared at it. He turned the card over in his hands, reading the address on the back. Te Xuan Ze Inc, Orchid Walk, Orchid Bay, Bellwood City. This was ridiculous. There was no way he could go up there for help with Underworld business. He had to head into town. There had to be just one firm that – what was he saying, of course there wasn't.

"Ah, what the heck," Grim said and cast the spell.

Orchid Walk was burning under the summer heat and everyone was out to love it. Beachgoers hopped from one foot to the other as they ran into the sand, leaping steps towards to the shore to cool their feet in the saltwater. Skater kids sped down the path, tugging their caps low to keep the sun out of their eyes, pushing the ground in furious motion to prevent their wheels melting into the asphalt. Across the main road and past hovercars blaring music, teenagers dragged each other into thrift stores and vintage outfits, tapping away all their taros in exchange for heaping bowls of poke and melty ice cream sundaes.

Grim walked among them, ignoring their shivers as they felt his cold breeze caress their shoulders. Dis is… actually quite nice, he thought, and reached to pull down his hood so that his skull could bathe in the warmth. Being invisible to the people up here had its perks. Here he was, going for a pleasant stroll along a beach for the living, with no chance of some camera waiting behind a palm tree to capture him.

Grim crossed the main road and checked the address again to make sure he was heading in the right direction. A few shop fronts later, he seemed to have arrived.

Grim looked up at the white-washed walls and pale blue trim lining frosted windows. There was no sign of activity, nor text to indicate that this was the place. Grim frowned. Had he made a mistake?

No wait, there it was on the door. A small engraving of the dragonfly symbol. Still, so much for the "bridge between worlds" - the place looked abandoned.

Grim knocked on the door and waited. After a moment, it swung open by itself. "Huh," Grim said and stepped in.

Behind the frosted glass was revealed to be a simple waiting room with a few comfortable chairs arranged around a coffee table, a desk with a computer, and a door in the back leading elsewhere. On the desk was a bell. Uncertain if this was the right thing to do but seeing no other option, Grim rang the bell.

"One minute!" came the instant reply of a voice from another room. Grim scrunched his mouth in surprised approval and heeded the request to wait.

A little while later, the back door's handle twisted to release a flustered girl carrying a falling stack of scrolls. She stumbled to the desk and all but threw them down, letting half of them spill right off the edge onto the floor. "Ugh," she groaned, and first squatted to grab some, then dropped to her hands and knees to reach for the ones that had rolled under the desk. When they were all returned to their rightful position, she jumped to her feet, patted her knees clean, and greeted Grim with an expectant smile.

Grim paused. The girl appeared to be… human. She was a teenager, Chinese in features, black hair streaked with a pink highlight in the front. She was dressed like a teenager too: faded jeans, scuffed boots, a cropped t shirt printed with the same dragonfly symbol, and a jewelled bangle on her left wrist that caught Grim's eye socket.

"Uh, hello," Grim said. "You can see me, right?"

The girl frowned as if not quite getting a joke. "Uh, yeah. Why wouldn't I?"

"Huh," Grim said. "Well, I'm looking for da Te Xuan Ze."

"How can I help you?"

"You're da Te Xuan Ze?"

"That's me."

"I was expecting you to be… older."

"Well, buddy, what you see is what you get. The name's Juniper Lee."

Grim took a moment. "Okay."

Juniper cocked her head at the sight of the Grim Reaper struggling to articulate himself. She thought he'd be taller. And less… Jamaican. But what the heck, after years of reading his chronicles, here she was meeting him in the bone.

"Can I get you a cup of tea or something?" she offered.

Grim nodded. "Dat would be nice, thank you."

Juniper gestured for Grim to join her at the coffee table. When she sat down, she leaned forward to splay her hand over the table's surface. Engravings Grim had not noticed before lit up with a pink glow under her fingers, brightening in intensity as she waved over them. A series of holes twisted open, and from within emerged a steaming teapot, set of cups, and a plate stacked with pastries. Juniper reached for the teapot and poured out two servings from a height, placing one in front of Grim. The smell of fresh jasmine permeated the air.

Grim accepted his cup and took a sip of the tea, feeling it soothe his mood. So this girl had some kind of magic.

"Who are you?" he asked.

Juniper raised her hand to excuse herself as she finished a mouthful of mooncake. "I told you, I'm Juniper Lee. I'm the current Te Xuan Ze."

"What's da Te Xuan Ze?"

"You mean you don't know?" Juniper frowned.

"Before today girl, I had never heard of you."

"Oh." Juniper couldn't help but feel insulted. All this time preparing for her eventual encounter with the Grim Reaper, and it turns out he had no idea who she was. Great.

"Well," Juniper began anyway, "I guess I'd start by saying I'm the descendant of a long line of Te Xuan Zes. It's a title that's passed down from generation to generation. Our duty is to act as the bridge between the worlds, mediating the material and the immaterial, the human and the inhuman, the living and the dead. Thanks to this -" Juniper gestured to her bangle "- I can see through the spiritual barrier. I can also tap into the ancient magicks to use their power for good."

"I see," Grim said. "And you've set up dis place as your sanctum."

"Well, it's more of an office where I can study and where people can find me if they need to. My brother Ray Ray helps out sometimes."

"So, wait," Juniper cocked her head to observe him. "If you'd never heard of me before, how did you find me?"

"A leprechaun told me about you."

"Jeff?"

"I think dat was his name."

"Oh, cool! How is he?"

"I have no idea, I don't know him."

"Right. So, then… I mean, why are you here now?"

Grim sighed. "I got a problem dat I can't figure out and I've got nobody to turn to. For some reason, dis leprechaun thinks you can help me."

"What's the problem?"

Grim told her.

"Huh," Juniper said. "So you need a lawyer."

"Yep."

"And you think I… know a lawyer?"

"I was kinda hoping you'd be one."

"Oh... I'm not."

"Oh. Well, do you know one?"

Juniper had to think for a moment. "Um," she started, "I gotta say, not really."

"Great. Well, thanks for da tea," Grim said and made to stand up.

"No, wait!" Juniper reached out to stop him. "Wait, okay, so I don't know any lawyers myself, but I know a few people who might."

Grim stayed standing. "Go on."

"I've definitely heard of a couple guys around Bellwood worth trying. Just let me make a couple of quick phone calls, I'll be back in a moment," Juniper said and ran through the back door.

Grim sat back down to wait and poured himself another cup of tea. He sipped it and stared at the pastries while he waited for the teenage human sorceress to source him a list of lawyers to consult on his trial for treason against the Underworld.

Just as he drank the last sip, Juniper reappeared, tugging on a burgundy leather biker jacket. "All right, let's go," she said as she continued to the front door.

Grim looked on at her in confusion.

"Well, what are you waiting for? We've got appointments to attend," Juniper held the door open and gestured for Grim to follow.

"Oh," Grim said, and got up to follow.

In the short time he was waiting, Juniper had somehow arranged appointments with about a dozen potential lawyers. It turned out that up on the Surface world the Te Xuan Ze was quite the household name, with many eager to pay back a favour or twelve that she had done them.

Their first potential contact was to be found further downtown, based in one of the skyscrapers lined up along Bellwood Boulevard. Juniper led Grim through the stream of people bustling to enter and exit the building, dodging elbows and briefcases until they had made their way into the foyer.

Juniper walked straight towards the display listing the companies with offices. "That's the one," she pointed, speaking as if she was thinking out loud rather than talking to an invisible being. Grim peered over her shoulder to see the firm's name: Sebben & Sebben.

They climbed to the third floor where they found a sleek reception area waiting for them. Juniper greeted the receptionist, whose appearance was immaculate. "Hi, I've got an appointment?" she said.

"Hello, of course," the receptionist smiled. "Who are you seeing?"

"Harvey Birdman?" Juniper said.

"Oh… You're seeing Harvey. Down the corridor, at the far-left corner," she pointed, her face contorting as if she'd just smelled something unpleasant.

"Thanks," Juniper said, frowning at her reaction but carrying on, Grim in tow.

They walked past several beautiful oak doors gilded with golden signage, with beautiful people passing in and out of them, until they reached the last one on the left. Except this door was made from cheap pine with a plastic sign hammered into it. Juniper and Grim exchanged a glance then shrugged. Juniper knocked on the door.

"Coming!" said a voice, then a moment later the door creaked open to reveal a tall person who was half man, half bird, and clothed in a faded suit that had never seen an iron since it had first been stitched together. "Ah, welcome! Please, come in," the man (bird? Birdman? Manbird?) said as he stepped back to usher Juniper into his office. They stepped onto ratty carpet into a tiny room that smelled like stale popcorn. Harvey shuffled around them, knocking over papers and dust off one of the shelves with his giant wings, and sat down in his torn-up office chair. He gestured for Juniper to please sit down too in the damaged armchairs opposite him. Juniper and Grim obliged.

"Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law," Harvey said as he leaned over the desk to offer his hand.

"Juniper Lee, Te Xuan Ze," Juniper said as she shook it.

"Aha, that rhymes," Harvey beamed.

Juniper stared at him.

"So, what can I do you for?" Harvey continued.

"Well," Juniper turned to look at Grim, while Harvey followed her gaze to look at the empty armchair. Grim nodded and revealed his presence.

"Oh!" Harvey exclaimed at the sight of him, "I didn't notice you come in my friend, please forgive me. Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law," he said and offered his hand to Grim to shake as well without batting an eyelid.

Grim frowned but shook his hand. "Grim… I'm uh, da Grim Reaper."

"That's a lovely name," Harvey said.

"Thanks," Grim said.

"So, Harvey," Juniper began.

"Please, call me Mister Birdman."

"Okay… Mister Birdman. Grim here's looking for a lawyer to defend him in a fairly high-profile case."

"I see. I'll take it!"

"I haven't even explained to you what da case is," Grim said.

"No need! I'm a defence attorney after all, using my extensive expertise in bird law to protect the innocent. Harvey Birdman never rejects a case."

"Sorry, did you say bird law?" said Juniper.

"Yes. I have extensive experience in the field, including poultry, game, prey, and some dinosaur. If it's got feathers, I know it."

"Wait, so you don't have experience with Underworld law?" said Grim.

"Not at all."

"But your knowledge of bird law is pretty transferable, right?" Juniper said.

"Oh, definitely not, bird law is very specific."

"Den how you gonna help me win my case?"

"I will try very hard."

Grim and Juniper exchanged a look.

"I'm not sure we're going to be a good fit."

Their second contact brought them to Offworld Plaza, where the representative of Chadzmuth, Galvan intergalactic defence attorney who offered legal consultation to major organisations including the Plumbers, was waiting to meet.

"Why didn't we go to dis guy first?" Grim asked as they power walked to the spot they'd been instructed to attend.

"I hadn't received confirmation from him yet," Juniper replied. "Looks like this is the place," she said, slowing down as her phone's map lit up.

"Are you sure?" Grim said as he looked around with narrowed eye sockets. They were at the entrance of a rather dirty alleyway.

"That's… what it says," Juniper said, hesitant to be certain as she also looked around.

"Have you put it in properly?" Grim said as he craned his head over her shoulder to look at the map.

"Yeah, he said to come to this street, between Bellwood Market and Offworld Plaza, and-"

"Hey, you Juniper?" called out a voice from the alley.

Juniper and Grim turned to see an alien approaching them with his hands shoved into his hoodie pockets. He resembled a tall rat, or short porcupine, and had several piercings along with coarse hair styled into a mohawk.

"Uh… hello," Juniper said, shifting the weight of her feet and closing her fists. "Who are you?"

"Argit," the alien said. "I'm the guy you spoke to on the phone."

"You're Chadzmuth's representative?"

"Yeah yeah, I'm the guy."

"Where's Chadzmuth?" Grim said, having dropped his cover as the alien approached. It didn't matter if a non-human saw him.

"Hey, relax, I'll bring you to him. First I need my cut."

"Your cut?" Juniper asked.

"Yeah, my cut. Chadzmuth's a busy guy, we gotta charge a booking fee."

"Oh. How much?"

"Twenty. I can take cash or scan," Argit held out his phone with a scanner attachment to it.

Juniper looked at Grim. "What are you looking at me for, I don't carry Surface world money," Grim said. Juniper rolled her eyes.

"Fine," Juniper said as she scanned her phone.

"There's also the admin fee," Argit said, "That's ten."

"Seriously?" Juniper said. Argit nodded. "Here," she tapped again.

"Thanks," Argit said. "Now it's just the deposit."

"What do you mean, deposit?!"

"Hey, I got other clients who wanna see Chadzmuth, all right? I didn't even charge you the transaction or holding fees."

"Ugh," Juniper groaned. "How much is the deposit?"

"Fifty."

"Fifty?!"

"That's what I said."

"I'm not paying fifty!"

"Then I guess you're not seeing the guy." Argit turned as if to leave.

"Wait!" Grim called. "Come on, give him da money. I'll nick it back from Billy and Mandy," he said to Juniper. Juniper sighed and tapped her phone one more time.

"This guy better be good," she said as they followed Argit through a battered metal door.

Behind the door was a dank staircase illuminated by flickering neon lights. It seemed to lead deep underground, and as they continued down the sound of blasting music and many, many people blew up in volume. Argit led them through the dim until they stepped into a massive room, decked out to be an outrageous underground bar. Aliens were packed around industrial tables and counters, huddled under floating lamps, swigging from bubbling glasses, inside a haze of smoke, their throats sore beside booming speakers, flirting, cheering, partying like they couldn't afford to stop. Plastered across the brick wall opposite their stairwell in fluorescent graffiti, above two huge metal doors similar to the one on the surface, was a sign that said WELCOME TO UNDERTOWN. The doors were propped open to display a thriving city teeming with aliens, hidden beneath all of Bellwood.

Argit moved through the crowd with erratic quickness, darting back and forth as it ebbed and flowed. Somehow the streets of Undertown were even more chaotic than the Underworld. Under an artificial sky made up of more neon signs and giant crystal lights embedded in the ceiling, aliens of all races and colours jabbered in a thousand different languages and over stalls selling a million different things. Bowls of strange food exuded warring smells, while shiny gadgets glinted under tungsten light. There weren't just aliens here – the streets were also home to robots and cyborgs, humans who looked like they'd been around the block more than a few times, animalians and other species that they couldn't even identify. Grim even noticed a few monsters masquerading among them.

Argit disappeared around a corner, forcing Juniper and Grim into a jog to keep up. They found him standing in front of a run-down shack beckoning for them to join him.

"This is the place," Argit said, indicating the shack. Grim and Juniper stared at it in disbelief.

"Well, what you waiting for? Go right in," Argit said, folding his arms. Grim shrugged and pushed open the door.

Inside they found a space that was decorated to resemble something between an office, laboratory, and a library.

In the middle was a chair which swivelled to face them, revealing the Galvan sitting within it (on a booster seat).

"Ah," said the Galvan. "Welcome. I am Azmuth."

"Azmuth?" Juniper said with a frown, "I thought your name was Chadzmuth."

"No, my dear girl, I am Azmuth. The creator of the Omnitrix," the Galvan intonated.

"Da Omni-what?" said Grim. He turned to Juniper. "What's he talking about?"

"I have no idea," Juniper said. She turned to call out to the shack's doorway. "Hey, Argit! This guy says he's Azmuth!"

"What?" Argit said as he hurried in. "No, this is Chadzmuth!" he said as he glared at the Galvan.

"I thought I was Azmuth," the Galvan said, perplexed.

"What kinda trick are you trying to pull, pal," Juniper scowled.

"Just hang on a sec," Argit said as he ran to pull the Galvan to another room. Juniper and Grim could hear them arguing.

"… You told me I was playing Azmuth!"

"No, you idiot, I said Chadzmuth, he's a lawyer, now you gotta tell them you were joking or something!"

"I can't change characters so suddenly!"

"You're an actor, that's your job!"

"I need time to prepare the character! This is a delicate craft, you know!"

"Ugh, fine, I'll stall them, you got five minutes."

"I'll need ten if you want a moving performance!"

"Just do it!" Argit popped back into the space to stall them, except… "Hey, where'd they go?"

Juniper and Grim marched down the sidewalk in a huff.

"First a fool, den a scammer. Some help you turned out to be," Grim said with a sour face.

"Hey, I'm the one who lost out on eighty taros, okay? Man, I should've known getting an appointment with Chadzmuth this short notice was too good to be true," Juniper rubbed her face. "Okay, Grim, look, I know these guys were duds-"

"Duds is an understatement!"

"Yeah, okay. But look, this next guy I know is legit. He represents the KND in all their cases - he's the real deal."

Grim sighed. "Fine. But dis is your last chance."

Numbuh One Fifty an Hour was a legendary figure to all active members of the Kids Next Door. Fierce in his words as he was in his choice of hairstyle, the attorney known for putting his money where his mouth was had defended his fellow operatives time and again in cases such as Numbuh 3 v Bedtime and Numbuh 2 v The Plate of Vegetables. He was committed to providing the best and most ruthless legal protection against the legions of smarmy adults and snotty teenagers who would stop at nothing to defeat them. Although he was not accustomed to seeing non-KND, Juniper had called in a favour with a few of the operatives based in Orchid Bay who had managed to arrange a consultation session with him.

"This is quite the case you've got here," Numbuh One Fifty an Hour said as he went through the notes he had taken while listening to Grim's appeal. "And you say we've got until tomorrow morning to prepare my arguments?" he said, glancing up to look Grim in the eye sockets.

"Yes," Grim said, fidgeting with the material of his cloak under the table. "I'm sorry, I know dat's very soon. I should have come earlier."

"Oh no, don't worry about it," Numbuh One Fifty an Hour said. "I'm going to need to rearrange my schedule for this afternoon so I can do some extra reading, but that's fine."

"So… you can take the case?" Juniper leaned in.

"Oh yes, most definitely."

"What about da Underworld laws, will dat be a problem?" Grim asked.

"Not at all!" Numbuh One Fifty an Hour grinned. "I've not read much, but from what I have seen the Underworld basically likes to overly complicate things the same way adults do. If anything, I think this is going to be fun."

"Okay," Grim said and sank back into his chair. He could feel it coming now. Relief.

"Thank you so much," Juniper said. "You don't know what a drag today's been."

"I'm sure I can imagine," Numbuh One Fifty an Hour said. "But you made it to the right place eventually."

"Definitely."

"Okay, so now it's just a matter of signing some paperwork and agreeing on the retainer. As you know, I charge one hundred and fifty thousand taros an hour-"

"I'm sorry what," Grim said as he sat bolt upright in his chair.

"Uh, you do know that you'd need to pay a retainer, right?"

"Yes, of course I know, but you said you charge how much?"

"One hundred and fifty thousand taros an hour."

"One hundred and fifty thousand taros an hour?!"

"That's what I said."

"But you're Numbuh One Fifty an Hour!" Juniper cried, "I thought you charged a taro fifty, not one hundred and fifty thousand!"

"Wow… No, I haven't charged that since I first started practicing. I'm afraid times have changed guys. I'm in demand now."

"But… we can't afford dat," Grim said.

"Can't you give us a discount?" Juniper begged, "Please, Grim needs this, and you guys know me."

"I mean… I can knock it down to a hundred an hour," Numbuh 150,000 an Hour said. "But you realise that even with the discount, if we say this is going to be 7-8 hours of work, it's going to cost you seven to eight hundred thousand taros."

"Oh God," Grim fell back into his chair as if to faint. Juniper was at loss for words.

"I'm sorry guys, that's just how much a lawyer costs," Numbuh One Fifty an Hour shrugged.

Grim and Juniper sat there for a moment, then got up and left.

"I'm sorry Grim, I really didn't know," Juniper appealed to his back as he marched down the street. Grim walked further for a few more steps then came to an abrupt stop. He sighed.

"It's okay," he said, turning to face her. "You did what you could. I just gotta figure out another way to do dis now."

"Great. Right, so the next guy's actually been on TV! He's not just been a lawyer, he's also run for mayor of Townsville, and he's acted in a few movies. Maybe you've heard of I. M. Weasel?"

"No, Juniper."

"Okay, well he's happy to meet with us over video call. There's also a phone call with another guy who's based in Endsville, he's called Soul Badman. Then there's this other lady called Ghastly, someone called Larry Needlemeyer, another guy called Brak, and apparently "King Eddy of Suburbia" is planning to send us a messenger? Oh, and I got this email from these guys called the Problem Solverz who offered to come all the way to us for free, they said they're… desperate."

"Juniper, stop, I've had enough," Grim said. "Thank you for trying but dis is going nowhere. We're done."

"Wait, what?"

"I'm sorry you had to go through all dat effort, but it was in vain. I'm gonna go back to da Underworld now."

"You mean that's it? This isn't how this was supposed to go!" Juniper's face flushed.

"What do you mean?" Grim frowned. "What were you expecting?"

"Well, you're the Grim Reaper, and I'm the Te Xuan Ze. We're two sides of the same coin - this was supposed to be a big deal!"

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint. It was nice meeting you though. Good luck with bridging da worlds and dat."

Grim turned his back on Juniper and walked away. Nice girl. Useless though.

"Wait!" he heard from behind him and turned to see Juniper jogging to catch up to him.

"What?"

"You, uh, didn't pay me."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. My work here is done."

"But you didn't do anything."

Grim was astounded at the cheek of this girl. Juniper could see this, but she had bills to pay.

Before they could open their mouths to argue, yet another new voice interrupted them.

"Grim? Is that you?"

They turned to see a distinguished-looking gentleman dressed in quite the peculiar outfit. He wore what seemed to have once been a lab coat, but years of travel had turned it into a Ship of Theseus. Tweed patches were stitched over felt ones, colourful thread outlining rugged leather pockets. Badges and pins covered the breasts and lapels, the epaulettes hung with golden tassels, and there were too many buttons. The man looked ridiculous, and yet his face conveyed an incredible wisdom.

"Grim, my friend, it is you!" he said as he hurried towards them. His joyful voice had a distinct English accent. They noticed the slight limp he walked with and the cane he used to support himself for it. He opened his arms as if to hug Grim but was left hanging.

"Who are you?" Grim said.

The man laughed. "Grim, it's me, Paradox," he said. "I suppose I do look a little greyer now. It's been a while."

"I'm sorry, have we supposed to have met?" Grim tilted his head.

The man who called himself Paradox frowned. "You mean… you don't know who I am?"

"I have never seen you before in my life."

"Oh…" Paradox said. "Oh. I see. This must be it."

"What must be it?"

"This must be the first time you meet me. I'm sorry, I just want to make sure – when are we?"

Grim looked to Juniper. "We're in Orchid Bay," she said.

"No, not where, when. What year is it?"

"Uh… 2010."

"Huh, you'd never mentioned the war," Paradox said. "I wonder…" He tapped his chin, mumbling some thoughts to himself while Grim and Juniper stared at him.

"Are you a time traveller?" Juniper said.

Paradox turned to look at her, his mouth scrunched in surprised approval. "That's an astute observation," he said.

"Well, you asked when we are and said this is when you meet Grim. I watched Dexlabs' experiment, you know."

"Ah yes, this Dexlabs fellow I keep hearing about. I must meet him," Paradox mused. "Yes, you are quite right, I am indeed a time traveller. And Grim here is a dear friend I've known for some time."

"How can you know me if I don't know you?" Grim said.

"Ah, you see that's the fun part about time travel. Such shenanigans can have quite the effect on your relationships. You and I figured out after our first few encounters that our timelines seem to be moving in opposite directions – as I get to know more of you, you get to know less of me."

"So… I've met you before?"

"Well not yet it seems, but you will many times from now. And then at some point in the future I will meet you for the first time."

"But I'm meeting you now."

"Ah yes, you're meeting me now for the first time, but as the timelines have it, I won't be meeting you for perhaps a few hundred years. Or was it a thousand? Hmm…" Paradox began musing again.

Grim looked at Juniper. Juniper shrugged.

"But wait, never mind that," Paradox raised his finger in the air. "If you're meeting me now Grim, then you must be in the middle of your trial!"

Grim's eye sockets widened. "How do you know about my court case?"

"When I first met you Grim, many years from now, you told me that the first day you met me you were in quite the spot of legal trouble. The Grim Reaper v The Seven Lords of the Underworld, you said the case was called, the most unprecedented in Underworld history. It was all such a bother until you found the perfect lawyer to defend you – me!" Paradox chuckled.

Grim stared at him. "My head hurts," he said.

"Oh Grim, it's okay old friend. I remember you saying how difficult it was to wrap your head around it."

"Wait, so you're saying this case gets resolved in the future?" Juniper said, "By you?"

"Yes, I always knew that the day Grim meets me for the first time he would be in this predicament. In fact, he told me that it was helping him with this situation that began the start of our friendship for him."

"Dat doesn't make sense," Grim said. "How can da reason for our past friendship be something dat happens in da future? It's illogical."

"Perhaps not illogical, Grim, but paradoxical," Paradox said with a wink. Nobody laughed.

"Well, we better get started then," Paradox continued. "My office is just this way – why don't you come with me?"

Grim shrugged, then moved to follow Paradox. However, Juniper's hand held him back.

"Grim, you sure you want to trust this guy?" she asked.

Grim made a face. "He says he can help, which is a whole lot more dan what you were offering. Plus he's spooking me out claiming to know me, so I want to find out more," he said before removing her hand and carrying on.

Juniper rolled her eyes. Then she followed too.

Paradox led them down a couple neighbourhood blocks while chatting away with Grim and Juniper without a care in the world. He told them about his recent trip to a kingdom in the future where magic had surpassed technology and its citizens looked like different types of candy. He had made friends with a unicorn that only spoke Korean. It was all "jolly good fun" until he'd noticed some irregularities in the timestream that brought him back to Juniper and Grim's present. What had surprised him, though, was finding the world in the middle of a war – there was not a single mention of it in future historical records. Paradox had decided to stay here for the time being to find out why.

Juniper and Grim had no idea what to make of him.

Paradox stopped in front of a random house on the street and walked up the drive to its front door. He patted his many pockets to produce a set of keys.

"Is this your house?" Juniper asked as he inserted the keys into the lock.

"No, this is my office," Paradox said with a smile and opened the door.

The house's front door swung open to reveal the inside of a space ship.

They stepped onto an industrial walkway, stretching out either side of them along a corridor supported with brass framework. Wooden panels lined the walls between the metal beams, or at least they appeared to be wood, because each panel glowed with a unique alien symbol carved into it. The ceiling was illuminated with warm tungsten lights that emitted a low hum. The air smelled sweet and tangy.

Juniper and Grim started as the heavy hatch door on the inside of the ship slammed shut behind them. Paradox hobbled past to continue down one end of the corridor, the alien symbols reacting to his presence by glowing brighter. Grim and Juniper followed him through an arch and into the ship's cabin, a wide circular room with a giant round screen overlooking a sprawling control panel at the far end. Either side of the screen, covering every surface available, were shelves upon shelves of books, papers, and a million miscellaneous souvenirs. The stuff tumbled further out across a number of tables and desks Paradox had pushed into different spots, in what seemed to be a loose collection of thinking spaces and tinkering projects.

"Please, make yourselves at home," Paradox said as he wandered over to one of the desks. He picked up a paper bag from which he plucked a gumball and popped it into his mouth. He offered the bag to them which they declined.

"This is your office?" Juniper said.

"Indeed," Paradox said, his cheek bulging. "Object Flying Forward Into Complex Events – O.F.F.I.C.E. for short."

"An acronym," Grim said.

"Fun, isn't it?" Paradox said. "This is my home away from home. Or well, I guess I don't really know where my home was before… So this place is just my home. It's my means to explore and my place to work."

"And it looks like a house from the outside," Juniper said.

"Only when I need it to," Paradox replied. "Most locations it will indeed just be a house, but I've also had it look like a hut, or a shed, or even a tent. As long as it can have a doorway, it'll blend right in."

"What a novel idea," Grim said.

Paradox grinned while chewing his gumball, before clapping his hands together. "Okay, you didn't just come here for the tour, we've got work to do," he said as he hopped towards the shelves. "Now, where did I put that case…"

Paradox poked through his hoard of things, shoving aside strange looking rocks and alien instruments to grab stacks of books he patted behind. He searched some high shelves, then some low ones, then peered under a few of his desks. Then he exclaimed "Aha!" but for no reason. After a few minutes of looking, Paradox came up empty.

"Well, this is odd," Paradox said. "I can't seem to find it."

"Is dis a joke?" Grim said.

"Of course not." Paradox looked hurt. "You gave a case of documents to me with clear instructions to keep until you met me. I brought it straight here for safety." Paradox looked around the room while scratching his head.

"Maybe you lost it?" Juniper suggested.

Paradox sighed after perusing a few more shelves. "It seems I might have. I'm sorry, this is really embarrassing."

"Great. So dis is another waste of time," Grim said.

"What? Not at all," Paradox said. "We'll just have to go back to get it."

"Go back where?"

"Go back when. To when I first received the case and brought it here. We can just borrow it and put it back without me noticing."

With that, Paradox sauntered over to the control panel and began inputting commands. He twisted some dials, hit a few buttons, and yanked a creaking lever towards him. The ship roared and Grim and Juniper were thrown through time.

On the screen, thousands of numbers, symbols, and images flickered at an impossible speed. Somehow Paradox appeared to be reading them, muttering under his breath not just in English but in what seemed to be various alien languages as he tracked the movements of the ship. His fingers tickled the control panel, deft actions making minor adjustments and quick-time changes.

For Grim and Juniper, nothing had moved, and yet they felt the pits of their torsos churn as if they were on a speeding rollercoaster. Their heads spun with nausea. Juniper felt as if the boundaries between her skin and the air around her were collapsing, as if she was merging with the very environment so that only her soul existed in its own space. Grim fought the urge to throw up. This was beyond anything he had experienced before – not in the Underworld nor the Surface. Chills ran down his spine as he noticed that the pull of magic that he always felt, the supernatural connection that lingered forever in his mind so that he could feel the ebb and flow of every soul crossing between the living and the dead, had dissipated. They were alone on this ship – not just in body, but in every sense possible.

Then the ship groaned, and everything was back to normal.

Juniper wiped the beads of sweat from her forehead. Grim gripped his scythe to hold himself steady. Paradox stretched his arms out and reached for his cane.

"All right, let's go," he said as he left the cabin. Grim and Juniper took deep breaths to compose themselves and hurried after him.

Paradox opened the hatch door and beckoned for Grim and Juniper to step out. Grim went first, but Juniper hesitated. "I'm not sure if I can," she said to Paradox.

"How do you mean?" Paradox asked.

"I'm the Te Xuan Ze," Juniper said, "My soul is tied to Orchid Bay to ensure it always has a protector. Even since the old town became part of Bellwood, I can't leave the city's limits. The spiritual barrier won't let me."

Juniper turned her back to them and lifted her hair. At the nape of her neck, Paradox and Grim could see a glowing tattoo on her skin.

"Until I pass on the title to my own child, I'm bound by this rune."

"I see," Paradox said. "So you can't leave the ship."

"No," Juniper said.

"Huh," Grim said. He moved in close to peer at Juniper's neck. Juniper shied away when he reached to pull her hair to the side.

"What are you doing?" Juniper said.

"Relax, I just want to see something," Grim replied. With a little wince she let him trace the symbol with his cold bony finger.

"Dis rune has a spelling mistake," Grim declared.

"What?"

"Whoever wrote dis used da wrong conjugation for binding. While dey tied your soul to Orchid Bay, dey also tied your soul to your body, making da first tie redundant. Here, I can fix it." Before Juniper could react, Grim pulled out a magic pen and scribbled in his correction.

"Dere, you should be good to go now."

"What did you-" Juniper's eyes widened as she touched her neck, "That rune's been passed down through my family for generations! It's sacred! You can't just change it!"

"Oh," Grim frowned, "Do you want me to change it back?"

Juniper paused. "… No."

She looked at the hatch door, the strange new feeling of possibility settling in. "So that's it. The restriction's lifted."

"Da one stopping you from leaving da city, yes," Grim confirmed.

"And it's permanent?"

"As long as your grammar is."

"Oh. Wow. Thank you, I guess."

"No problem."

"Well, it looks like that's settled," Paradox said with a smile. "Whenever you're ready, Juniper."

Juniper nodded. She left the O.F.F.I.C.E. and headed into the future.

It was a city unlike any they had ever seen. The sky, for one, was brushed with watercolour hues, shades of pink, purple, and garish yellow. The clouds were turquoise swirls. They had stepped out of a tent into the middle of a packed market, shaded by tapestries and carpets stretched above their heads, protecting them from the sun that glared between bulbous Arabian towers decorated with ornate geometric paintings. Giant pots of spices, preserved fruits, olives, and sweets were dug into by vendors as they haggled with customers over the price of their wares. Knives slammed into huge chopping blocks, processing small mountains of meat and fungus. Vegetables familiar and foreign glistened with hot sweat under continuous sprayers mounted above them.

The citizens of this place spoke English, they could hear, but they had no idea what race these people were. Juniper was sure that they were not human, nor animalian, alien, imaginary, or robotic. Grim had never encountered such beings in the Underworld, nor did he feel anything to suggest that they were not of the Surface. The colours of their skin and fur were almost as bold as the elaborate outfits they wore – the materials beautiful and the cuts exquisite. Some were minute in their stature, dashing between their legs on tiny feet, whereas others bulged with mass, hulking far above their surroundings. Some even moved through the air with fluttering wings.

"Ah, Marzipan," Paradox said as he admired the view. "I remember now, we had sat down to share a meal when you'd given me the case." Paradox squinted as he searched.

"I think this was the way," he said as he began walking.

"Wait, where are we going?" Juniper said as she and Grim caught up to him.

"To find ourselves, of course," Paradox said while leading them through the market. "Right now past me and future Grim are enjoying a succulent meal of steamed dumplings and noodle salad, while we catch each other up on our latest adventures. Grim will produce a case containing the files from the original trial, which I will hold onto until I return to the O.F.F.I.C.E. Then, I'll pop back out to solve the mystery of Mung Daal's stolen chicken pot pie. We are going to stake out past me's O.F.F.I.C.E., wait until I leave, then sneak in to grab the case. We'll make use of it as we need in your present then bring it back to return exactly where I left it."

"I see," Juniper said. "So where's past you's O.F.F.I.C.E.?"

"Right over there," Paradox said as he pointed. He had brought them to the edge of the market, bordered by a busy street, where among a row of vehicles there was a little caravan parked on the sidewalk.

"The trailer?"

"That's right," Paradox confirmed. "Now we just wait. Although, it may be wise for us to disguise ourselves lest we get recognised."

"Where are we supposed to get disguises?" Grim frowned.

"Hello, you are looking for disguises?" said a voice. The group turned to see a person who looked a lot like a bearded pig waving to them from his stall. A sign above his head said LAST MINUTE DISGUISES.

"How convenient," Grim said.

Moments later, the group huddled together to watch the caravan from a safe distance, kitted out in matching trench coats, fedoras, sunglasses, and fake moustaches.

"Are you sure dis is a good idea?" Grim said as he pushed up his sunglasses that kept sliding off his lack of nose.

"Of course, we're unrecognisable," Paradox said, beaming from behind the newspaper he'd also bought as a prop.

They waited until their knees began to get sore, and then Juniper nudged them to pay attention. "Over there," she said, pointing with her chin.

Sure enough, there came the other Paradox, hair a little darker, a battered leather briefcase swinging from his hand. He swaggered over to the caravan door, looked around, then let himself in.

"Huh, so that's what I look like from behind," Paradox mused.

They carried on waiting, buying a couple of sandwiches from the stall they were lurking at so that the owner would let them stay there. Juniper and Paradox munched on their rolls, pausing to appreciate the tasty food. After about an hour, the door of the caravan swung open and the other Paradox came rushing out to run in a random direction.

"Now," Paradox said, wiping his mouth with a napkin and tossing his sandwich wrapper in the trash. The group jogged over to the caravan, looking around as the other Paradox did to make sure nobody was watching them break in. Paradox pulled out his O.F.F.I.C.E. key, holding his breath as he tried the lock. He twisted, and the caravan's handle turned with a satisfying click. "We're in," he said, and they stepped through the door.

They hurried into the cabin, looking not much different from where they had left it in its future. Paradox walked over to one of the tables and bent down get to the shelves behind it. "Aha, here it is," he said as pulled out the suitcase. He placed it on the table and beckoned for the others to join him. Juniper and Grim watched Paradox as he popped open the clasps to reveal… nothing.

"What?!" Grim exclaimed.

Paradox's face was a mess of confusion. "I don't understand… It was all in here. I didn't even open it again after you showed me Grim, I brought it straight back!"

"Well someone's clearly opened it!" Grim shouted. "Oh for da love of… You're telling me that I actually travelled through time for dis and even dis was a dead end? Take me home! I'm done with you Surface world fools."

"Wait," Juniper said as she pushed past them. Paradox and Grim watched her as she squatted to peer at the briefcase, running her index finger over the clasps. She brought her finger up to her mouth and tasted it. Then she stood up and turned to examine the room. She tilted her head as her attention focussed on some of the messier shelves, then shifted down to several overturned bottles on one of the tables, then to the floor, where she walked over to study a pattern of scratches in the carpet that on closer inspection, looked more like a trail.

Juniper went back to look at the briefcase, then announced, "You've got gremlins."

"Gremlins?" Paradox said.

"Yeah," Juniper said, picking up the briefcase to bring into the light. "See here, the locks have been tampered with. The documents were inside, but something forced it open to get to them. Then look over there," she said while indicating the shelves, "See how only the shiny stuff got knocked over? Gremlins like what's valuable, so they grab everything that catches their eye to see if it's worth anything."

"Why da briefcase? It's not shiny," Grim said.

"No, but gremlins are smart. They saw that Paradox tried to put it somewhere safe so must've figured that whatever was inside must be valuable. And over here," Juniper said as she led them to the markings on the floor, "These are their tracks. They're still on the ship somewhere – you've got an infestation."

"Well, isn't that just terrible," Paradox said. "I had no idea."

"Don't beat yourself up about it, these guys are the sneakiest," Juniper said. "This must be why you couldn't find anything when you first looked for it."

"Indeed."

"So now we gotta find dese creatures to get my documents back?" Grim said. "Well isn't dis an adventure."

"Where would we find them?" Paradox said.

"Gremlins like warm places," Juniper said. "Dark ones too. Do you have anywhere like that on the ship?"

"I suppose… the engine room," Paradox said. "I hardly ever go in there, so the lights are always off. And with the energy generated by the engine, I'm sure it's quite warm."

"Great, then let's go to the engine room."

Paradox led them back down the corridor to the other end of the walkway. They came across an intersection which had several walkways stretching in all directions. Paradox led them down some stairs, then up other ones, and past many doorways. The ship was a maze of endless spaces. Even the man himself looked surprised at how big it was. Then, at the end of one more hallway was a sign that said ENGINE ROOM, which Paradox let them through.

The engine room was pretty much as Paradox described it – dark, with a massive alien engine chugging away in the centre. Vents coughed out gusts of steam which were sucked up by more vents in the ceiling. A series of walkways circled the walls in a helix to allow for access to the upper parts of the engine. Far above, tungsten bulbs in the ceiling provided the only source of light. The air was hot and humid, making Grim and Juniper tug at their collars. Paradox, of course, was unbothered.

Juniper moved around, her eyes scanning the environment. She froze. "There," she pointed with a whisper. Up a few levels, the group could make out a strange dark mass that quivered with slight movement. "That's their nest," she said.

"What do we do?" Grim said.

"Don't make loud noises or sudden movements," Juniper said. "Otherwise, just follow my lead."

The group crept up the walkways, the sound of growling and rustling getting louder as they approached. As they turned onto the same walkway as the gremlins, they got their first good look at them.

There were about a dozen. Small, impish, with angular features. They had scales like reptiles, but wide pointed ears like rodents. Their eyes were cat-like – wide, with a narrow slit for a pupil, filled with striking colours unique to each individual. Their little mouths gnashed with sharp teeth. Tufts of hair protruded from the tops of their heads and the ends of their joints. Their hands and feet were clawed, and the group could see how they dug these in to crawl around the hoarder pile they had built of precious stones, chairs, telescopes, gumball packets, folders, maps, an old CRT television, cutlery, microscopes, a copy of I Am Weasel: An Autobiography, and many more.

"So this is where all my important things have been disappearing to," Paradox said, his hand on his hip.

"Dose must be da documents!" Grim exclaimed, pointing to a stack of papers two gremlins were hunched over. They were taking sheets one by one and folding them into paper hats and aeroplanes. "Let's get them!"

"Shush," Juniper said. She held out her hand to instruct Paradox and Grim to stay put. She took ginger steps forward, as if to balance herself, as she approached the gremlins who were starting to notice her. They hissed, bouncing backwards into a huddle, spreading their skinny arms to protect their stolen belongings. Juniper crouched low, bringing herself down to their level, opened her mouth, and screeched.

Grim and Paradox looked at each other as Juniper contorted her body, her tongue sticking out as she shrieked and squawked. More surprising though, were the gremlins – they were captivated by her performance, their heads tilted as they listened to the noise.

Then one of the gremlins stood forward, declaring himself the leader, and responded in turn to Juniper with his own squealing. The two gestured at each other, Juniper pointing at the papers, the lead gremlin pointing at Paradox. Juniper nodded and grunted. The gremlin did too, and yawped at his compatriots to bring the stack of papers to Juniper. She accepted the papers and the two shook hands, before turning back to their respective groups.

"You… speak Gremlin?" Grim said as Juniper joined them.

"Of course I do, it's part of my job," Juniper confirmed.

"What did you say to each other?" Paradox asked, fascinated.

"I just asked them nicely to give it back, and then when they sounded like they weren't going to, I told them who I was. I also asked them to leave the ship, which they said they're happy to because they're bored now, but they're going to hitch a ride with you until you take them somewhere cool."

"I suppose that's fair," Paradox said.

"Good job," Grim said. "Now let's get outta here before you come back."

The group hurried back down the walkways to leave the engine room. At the bottom, Paradox flicked his wrist to check his watch. Except…

"Hang on a second… Where's my chrono navigator?" he said.

"Your chrono-what?" Grim said as he and Juniper turned to look at him.

"My chrono navigator. It's what I use to travel the multiverse."

"I thought you used the ship to do that," Juniper said.

"Oh yes, I do, but I also keep the chrono navigator on hand to access the O.F.F.I.C.E.'s features remotely. I usually keep it right here," he said while pointing to his wrist.

"Why didn't you mention dis before?" Grim said.

"I suppose it wasn't relevant enough to remember," Paradox shrugged.

If Grim had eyes he would roll them. "So now what, we gotta look for your lost watch too?"

"Uh, guys…" Juniper said, "I don't think there's a need." They turned to see her pointing back up at the gremlins, who were cackling as they brandished a chunky bracelet that looked far too much like a watch.

"Oh no," Paradox said as the gremlins slammed their hands on the chrono navigator and sent them once again through time.

 

MMXI – SUMMERLAND - THE FUTURE

"I know now that the real monsters were our failures."

General Scoobert "Scooby" Doo, veteran of the battle of Bravo Beach

 

Darkness fell on the wasted lands. The night was stretching on infinitely. Fuse was not going to sleep tonight. But guess what – neither was Jet.

Jet Blackheart was different to other teenage boys his age. He had long black hair in a wolf cut, with a streak of green in his bangs. His eyes were like emerald orbs, which shined brightly when he was angry. He had pale skin except for the dark circles under his eyes, which he got from staying up every night hunting fusions. He wore the same outfit every day which he had meticulously put together to make him the best at his craft – heavy leather boots with steel toe caps, cargo trousers with knee pads, a plain white tee, and the leather jacket his friend Ace from the Gangreen Gang had given to him. Tied around his wrist was a black action blindfold to remind him that he could never blind himself to the horrors that Fuse had brought upon the Earth. He carried a leviathan gun (the rare one) and a samurai sword on his back for melee combat. He didn't use nanos because he had a secret power:

Jet Blackheart was half fusion.

It was a secret he discovered when he was fighting alongside SACT and the Urban Rangers. He was just a rookie at the time, but quickly getting recognition for graduating at the top of his class in the Academy and beating even Samurai Jack's records. They had been tracking down Don Doom, who was destroying the neighbourhoods for weeks, and cornered the creature in Pokey Oaks North (beside the gazebo). Jet had dashed forward recklessly to slash Don Doom's leg, but Don Doom's claw jabbed out and stabbed him in the chest. Jet was sure that he was going to die. But somehow, he didn't. What he discovered was that his blood wasn't red, but in fact green, and it was glowing and pulsing toxically. Then the hole in his chest closed itself and he was back to normal. This is when Jet realised that he was half fusion.

With a few months of practice, he experimented with his powers to discover he could turn any part of his body at will into fusion matter. It was still very hard to maintain shapes, but he could turn his hands into giant fists or his entire arm into a sword. He could also touch fusion matter in the world without being harmed. However, his powers were still unstable, so he was hesitant to use them too much. When he used them for too long, he would get migraines and nosebleeds for several days. However, Jet's fusion powers is what made him the heroes' secret weapon. But that all changed when they lost Tech Square. Now all of the heroes that Jet had admired and fought alongside were gone. He was left alone, trying to find the remainder of humanity who had survived to protect them.

There was a loud crash in the distance, that made the ground shake horribly. Jet crouched down to feel the ground. He could sense the movements of the fusion matter coursing through it.

Don Doom was moving again.

Jet sprinted across the rooftops, parkouring from building to building towards where Don Doom was rampaging. He landed carefully on the roof of an abandoned house. In the distance, he could see Don Doom trashing the ruins of Pokey Oaks Junior High. Jet had never really fit in at school, but he had always admired the value of education. It just wasn't for him, but he had no judgement for those who were academic types. Therefore, he couldn't let the school be destroyed. It was a symbol of better days.

Don Doom was going to be difficult to defeat. In the past, he had always fought it with a group, because some people needed to aggro it while others attacked its weak spots. Of course even when they killed it, it was going to come back eventually. He had been trying to defeat it solo but it was really hard. He was good but Don Doom had too much health to be defeated easily.

But Jet had put together a new plan to defeat him – he had followed Don Doom closely for many nights without getting caught to study its movements, and now he was going to lead it into a trap where he could swoop in and cut it across the back of its head with his sword. Hopefully, he wouldn't have to resort to using his powers.

Jet jumped down to the ground, shooting a fusion spawn without looking who was in the way. He ran from cover to cover, trying to get close enough to observe Don Doom closely. There he was, in the school playground, about to eat the math room. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad, Jet thought and laughed quietly to himself.

Jet felt his backpack for the bombs he had prepared inside them. He was going to rig them up and lead Don Doom into the middle of them, then blow them up so that it would get trapped inside the crater. Jet gripped his sword and leviathan gun and prepared himself to run to the first bomb location.

"Excuse me young man, can you tell us when we are?" a voice said from behind him.

Jet Blackheart turned to see three faces he thought he would never see again.

"Juniper… Grim… Paradox? Oh my glob," Jet whispered.

Grim leaned to speak to Paradox, "Does dis guy know us too?"

"I'm not sure," Paradox said. "Hello, do we know you?"

"You guys died… I watched you die…" Jet said, his chest heaving as he gasped for air, "Juniper… I tried to save you…"

"He's hyperventilating," Juniper said, crouching down beside Jet. "Breathe, you're all right." Jet's eyes bulged with shock at her touch. His mouth open and closed like a fish.

"What's wrong with dis boy," Grim said. "He looks he's seen a ghost."

"Are you… are you guys ghosts? Did you come back as nightmares to haunt me?" Jet managed to breathe.

"What? No, we're very much alive, thank you," Paradox said. "Well… I guess not Grim, but you get what I mean."

"Oh my glob," Jet put his face in his hands. "Where were you guys… We needed you so badly… Now everyone's gone…"

"Hey, slow down. We're not from this time, you see," Juniper said. "You're getting us confused with another version of us. What's going on here? Where did everyone go?"

Jet stared at Juniper. "They're dead. All of them. Johnny, Ben, Steven, other Johnny, Double D, Kiva, Johnny… I'm the only one left."

"Oh…"

"I guess dat explains why da sky is green," Grim said. "And why I thought I could hear metal music."

"That's my combat playlist," Jet whispered.

The group looked at each other. Paradox scratched his head. Grim shrugged. Juniper sighed and helped the hysterical protagonist to his feet. "Uh, so I'm sorry about your friends, but the thing is you see, because we're not from this time we can't really stick around. We're trying to figure out how to get back."

Jet didn't say anything. Grim and Paradox motioned for Juniper to continue.

"Um, we got sent here by some gremlins using Paradox's chrono navigator. Have you seen anything like that around here? Maybe you even know where this time period's Paradox's O.F.F.I.C.E. is?"

"Office?" Jet asked.

"Object Flying Forward In Complex Events," Paradox beamed, "It's really quite the invention. You see-"

"A time machine, boy, do you have one?" Grim interrupted Paradox before he could launch into his spiel.

"Oh," Jet said. "I think Mandark was building one. Before…" He started to cry.

Grim sighed and handed him a tissue. "Okay, great. Where is da time machine?"

"He was building it in the Pokey Oaks science labs."

"You mean dis school literally across da street?"

"Yeah. But wait…"

"What?"

The sound of violent crashing brought their attention back to Don Doom destroying the building. And there among the ruins, were the gremlins playing catch with the chrono navigator.

"Hey!" Grim shouted.

The gremlins turned at the sound of his voice. They waved, grinning with glee. Then they were crushed by the giant foot of Don Doom stepping on them.

Juniper and Paradox gasped. Grim roared.

"Dat's my ticket home!" He grabbed his scythe and charged to attack.

The Grim Reaper dashed towards the school fence, hopping it in one swift move. On the other side, Don Doom was poking its nose in the gym locker rooms. Grim brandished his scythe, leaping across the ruins until he was face to face with the monster's feet. He roared again and started whacking it with his scythe.

"Get. Away. From. My. Time machine!"

Don Doom paused to look down at what was irritating its feet. It shifted its weight and kicked Grim square in the chest. He was thrown across the playground.

"He needs help," Juniper said, taking off running to save Grim. The stones on her bangle glowed and she unleashed the power of the Te Xuan Ze.

Juniper's weight became light as feather. She jumped, higher than high into the air, clearing the fence and floating down with no effort. She landed beside Grim, who was grumbling as he dusted himself off from the ground. Juniper shifted her weight and closed her fists. Don Doom came barrelling towards them, more interested now in this strange new prey. The creature's claws stabbed down towards Juniper, but the Te Xuan Ze was ready. She drove her fist to meet it, colliding with the sound of singing metal and a flash of pink light.

Don Doom stumbled back as a course of magic energy surged up its claw. The surface of its shell swelled, then burst apart, taking the creature's entire limb. Don Doom squealed. It swayed as it lost its balance.

Juniper closed in. Her body flowed with qi, guiding her to step between flying chunks of debris Don Doom threw at her as if they were not moving at all. A wild swipe came at her from the right, and she brought her arm up in the shape of the crane, blocking the giant's strike, then twisting to return that energy with a punch that exploded another one of its claws.

Don Doom dropped to its knees, its limbs flailing like a crustacean. Juniper's bangle glowed.

"Juniper, no!" shouted Jet as he dived past her.

"What?"

Jet produced his samurai sword, its blade inscribed with ancient text from a forgotten language. He gripped his leviathan tightly, pumping the trigger so that it sprayed bullets all over Don Doom. He yelled as he brought his sword down swiftly on Don Doom's legs, making deep cuts in the shell while he dodged its blows.

"Dude, what are you doing? I had this," Juniper called.

"Don't worry Juniper!"

"I'm not worried, I'm annoyed."

Juniper watched as Jet flipped over the ruins of the playground, delivering ineffective blows to Don Doom as it chased after him. He slid across the ground, his shirt riding up to reveal his abs with a large "X" scar on them. Juniper rolled her eyes.

"What's he doing?" Grim said as he and Paradox joined her.

"I think he's trying to save me," Juniper said.

They watched as Jet fought the creature. Suddenly, the stumps where Don Doom's claws had been amputated began to glow with a green light, and from them emerged a pair of fresh claws knitted together from fusion matter. The claws reached out and grabbed Jet. Jet tried to fight it off, his own hands shapeshifting into fusion matter weapons, but the creature chomped off Jet's arms.

"Oh my, that's violent," Paradox exclaimed.

Jet screamed. But it wasn't in pain - it was in anger. His eyes began to glow fiercely with green light. From his severed arms, fusion matter began to drip out and take shape. The fusion matter swirled and coursed until they turned into giant eagle claws.

"No," Jet said with a growl, "Nobody gets to hurt my friends again."

He let out an animal cry like an alpha lion rising up to defend its pack, and dived towards Don Doom. His claws buried into Don Doom's shell, tearing huge lines.

Don Doom shrieked. Fusion matter violently poured from its wounds. The creature dug its feet into the ground and squatted, bringing its claws close to its body, and then dropped into a ball that sped rolling towards Jet. Jet jumped backwards into a flip, narrowly missing Don Doom speeding past like a bullet. The creature crashed into school's wall, causing the structure to collapse in one corner. Don Doom sprang back up and shook off the debris, turning to face Jet once again. Jet glared ferociously.

Jet ran towards Don Doom, turning his legs to fusion matter to launch himself upwards. Forget the plan, he was going to do things the best way he knew – on instinct.

Jet landed square on top of Don Doom's head. Don Doom's claws came swinging towards him to swipe him off. Jet ducked, bringing his sword up to let it slice through the claw's middle. The creature screamed. Another claw reached to grab him and Jet created a fusion matter shield, shouting as he felt the surge of power course through his body. The claw bounced off, the blow throwing Jet backwards and knocking his weapons out of his hands. Jet's eyes widened as he tripped, feeling himself about to fall off Don Doom's head. But then he realised his chance. Stretching out his fusion matter arms, his head searing with pain and his nose beginning to drip with blood, Jet pulled his sword towards him as he allowed the momentum to take him backwards. He fell, behind Don Doom's head, and as he fell he jabbed out his sword.

Jet's blade cut into the nape of Don Doom's head and carved it open. The creature groaned and fell to the ground.

Jet landed on his feet, his sword dripping with fusion matter. He let the fusion matter evaporate off the blade and then slid it back into its scabbard.

"Goodbye, Don," Jet whispered. He breathed for a moment to contemplate the victory, then his eyes shone with worry.

"Juniper - are you okay?!" he turned to call.

"I'm fine."

"Thank glob," he said, his voice shaking with emotion as he approached. "I couldn't live myself if I lost you again- UGH!"

Jet's head whipped to the side as he was slammed into the ground.

Don Doom towered at its full height, its legs swaying. It dragged itself towards them to seek its revenge.

"Juniper," Grim said.

"Yeah, yeah," Juniper said as she ran forward.

Juniper sailed through the air, dropping a kick into Don Doom's abdomen which sent a shockwave through its torso. The new claws blew apart from their sockets, dropping fragments to the ground. Juniper stepped through the creature's legs, delivering consecutive blows to each of the limbs' pressure points, then jumped towards the school wall, launching herself backwards from it to deliver the final punch between Don Doom's eyes. The creature froze in place. Its body began to convulse all over, until with a piercing cry it imploded.

Juniper landed beside Jet. He was covered in fusion matter wounds. His severed arms were also dripping with the substance, no longer able to hold their shape. His eyelids were half-shut, and his breath was halting. He reached out a stump to touch Juniper's face. She moved to avoid it.

"At least… I was finally… able to save you…" he said with his last breath.

Juniper's eyes widened. She turned to Grim and Paradox. "Is he dead?" she asked.

Grim narrowed his eye sockets as he felt for Jet's soul. "Nah, he's just sleeping. Let's go."

"We can't just leave him here," Juniper said as Grim turned towards the building.

"Juniper's right, Grim," Paradox said as he bent over the boy.

"What are we supposed to do?" Grim said.

"Perhaps we should take him," Paradox said.

"I'm not taking him!"

"Just long enough for his arms to grow back, Grim," Juniper said.

"No - do you know how long dat's gonna take? I do not need another snotty-nosed kid to look after!"

"There will be no need for that," said a soft voice.

The group turned to see a beautiful young woman standing before them. She was a teenager like Jet, but she looked older. Her hair was pale white and straight down to her waist. She had one blue eye and one green one. She wore clear goggles that covered the top half of her face. She wore slender white boots with small heels, and a white and red jumpsuit with the letter "I" on the front. She had a rifle slung across her back and a pistol on her hip, but she also carried a rapier sword. Protruding from her back were a rare pair of angel's prayer wings which flapped slowly.

Behind her there were more people dressed in a similar way (but without the wings).

"And who da heck are you?" Grim scowled.

"I am Angel Skylight, leader of the Imaginary Corps."

"Of course you are."

"We are the product of an experiment started by my mother, who adapted the nano creation procedure to use on a human being. As a result, I am half imaginary friend, which grants me the power to heal the effects of fusion matter. I started the Imaginary Corps when all hope was lost to find people who could undergo the same procedure to help me save the world."

"Okay, sure, whatever. So you want to take da unconscious kid?"

"We very much would like to."

"Great, den here you go." Grim picked up Jet and handed him to one of Angel's companions.

"All right, see you later," he said as he pulled Juniper and Paradox with him to hurry into the school.

"Wait, Grim Reaper, you can help us," Angel called after them.

"Sorry, I'm very busy," Grim replied over his shoulder.

The group speed-walked through the school's hallways to the science labs, where sure enough they found something that looked a lot like a time machine inside.

"Oh my, this is impressive," Paradox said as he admired the handiwork. "Very nice. What a shame my chrono navigator's destroyed, I would have loved to run a scan on this. Look at how they-"

"Paradox, I don't care, just get us out of here," Grim said.

Paradox frowned. "You know, you were a lot more pleasant in the future." Nevertheless, he got to work activating the device. With a few tweaks on the control panel rigged to it, the time machine woke up with a hum, and the group watched as the arc built into it filled with a swirling portal. "This is it," Paradox said.

"Okay," Grim said as he stepped up first to the portal.

"Well this was awful, wasn't it?" Juniper said as she looked back at their surroundings one last time.

"Let's not talk about it anymore."

They stepped through.

 

The present day

 

Grim, Juniper, and Paradox dropped out of the time portal into the O.F.F.I.C.E. The real one this time, not some past or future version.

Paradox mumbled to himself as he sat up, grabbing a pen from one of the desks to jot down some quick ideas for the new chrono navigator he needed to make. Perhaps this time he'd craft something fancier… ooh, a gauntlet could be cool!

Satisfied with his first sketch, Paradox stuffed the note into his pocket and moved to grab the documents Juniper had dropped on the floor. "Okay," he said, "We've got work to do."

He pulled himself to stand and hobbled over to a table to lay the documents out. He began scanning the headlines, sorting each page by subject into a different pile on the surface. Grim and Juniper watched him shuffle to the shelves to also grab a few books he thought might be relevant, as well as pen and paper. He sat down to begin reading.

Juniper and Grim joined him, dragging chairs to plant themselves on either side of the table. Juniper grabbed a stack of papers and paused. The print of these documents was miniscule, and each page was double-sided. She looked up at Grim who had the same expression of concern written across his face.

"Guys… isn't this a lot?" she said.

Grim grunted. "I agree. Dis is far too much."

"The trial is tomorrow and we've got so many things to cover."

"We're not gonna finish half of it even if we split da load."

"Maybe if we just skimmed the important stuff?"

"It's all important, Juniper."

"Well, we've only got one night!"

"Okay, den let's each just try and memorise a different part. You take dese pages, and I'll take-"

"What on Earth are you talking about?" Paradox said as he took off his reading glasses to look at them. His mouth curled in a slight smirk. "Have you forgotten where we are?" he said as he gestured at the space around them, "We have all the time in the multiverse."

"Oh," said Juniper and Grim.

In the morning, Grim's phone began blowing up with missed calls from the Underworld. He did his best to ignore them. Texts came in a violent stream, his phone lighting up with notifications from Blabber and Necrogram as people tagged him in a thousand posts, debating his whereabouts and taunting him for being too chicken to show up for his sentence. The court, of course, found him guilty on all accounts to the highest degree and so condemned him to the deepest recesses of Heck. Days passed, and a warrant was issued for Grim's arrest, making him public enemy no.1. across the Underworld. Mercenaries and bounty hunters geared up to join the hunt for the Reaper, the escalating prizemoney becoming the hottest topic across all demonic news outlets.

Paradox continued to reassure Grim that no one would be able to find them. The O.F.F.I.C.E. existed in the impossible space between logic and reason, beside the realm of memory and the field of imagination. Still, the uncertainty of the experience induced a throbbing feeling of anxiety in Grim.

They focussed on the work, devouring page after page, taking notes and swapping them with each other to confirm their understanding. They engaged in debates about the ridiculous complexities of Underworld law, negotiating strategy and loopholes they could exploit to defeat the judges. Paradox helped Grim to download a pirated copy of the Necronomicon, and they each read it thirteen times.

When they needed to take a break, Paradox took them on adventures. They travelled to distant planets, where the trees grew upside down and the people aged backwards. They lounged on beaches made from powdered crystal and swam in seas suspended in the sky. Juniper and Paradox gushed over strange books they picked up and Grim discovered his new favourite band. Of course, they always stayed near the O.F.F.I.C.E. to ensure they could get away if they caught an unsavoury character's attention.

Then after a period of many months or a year, all concentrated into the span of one night thanks to the O.F.F.I.C.E., Grim, Juniper, and Paradox had become total experts on the laws of the Underworld.

They were returned to the night before the trial, when Grim's phone rang. Curious, he answered it.

"Hey Grim, it's Red," the voice slid out of the handset, "I heard you're still looking for a hotshot lawyer. You know, for the right price I could switch sides…"

"Fuck off," Grim said and hung up.

It was time.

The fated morning came again, but this time the Doomsday Court was graced with a sight for which it was not at all prepared.

The Grim Reaper marched down the halls, flanked by two individuals that had no place in the Underworld. One was a girl, dressed in a burgundy suit and a black shirt, her hair tied up into a bun. The other was a man, his clothing a mishmash of styles but the most notable aspect of his appearance being the ornate gauntlet he wore on his right hand. The paparazzi's flashes bounced off their imposing figures as they stormed the Final Courtroom, the guards scrambling to yank open the doors in time to let them through.

Today, The Grim Reaper v The Seven Lords of the Underworld would be written in fate.

Grim, Juniper, and Paradox took their seats at the defendant's table. The courtroom stared.

"So… you came," HIM uttered. "And you brought friends?"

His voice was tickled with incredulous laughter. His choice of outfit reflected the hate that diseased his heart. A form-fitting gown suffocating in its blackness, pooling on the ground around him. The collar strangling his throat, and the sleeves cuffing his wrists. A necklace made of bones hanging over his breast, and his claws shapeshifted into slender hands to allow for animal talons to be glued to his fingernails. His eyes outlined with lead paint to highlight their rage.

Grim felt Juniper tense up beside him. He turned to look at her, giving only a slight nod. She met his gaze and relaxed. Paradox's face was a mask.

"Who have you brought with you today, Grim Reaper?" Demongo hissed.

"Dese," Grim smiled, "Are my lawyers."

"Oh, REALLY?" HIM grinned. "And WHERE did you find these LAWYERS?"

"Da Surface world."

The judges stared at him. HIM's shoulders quaked as the laughter erupted from his stomach, his eyes glistening with actual tears. Red giggled, Hunson and Death couldn't help but chuckle in shock, Demongo's head tilted 90 degrees and Nergal's jaw dropped open in horror. Davy Jones frowned.

"Your lawyers are human?!"

"Grim, you can't be serious."

"Come on, this is just too sad."

"Oh now this is wrong, he's clearly not well!"

"You should have just come alone to face things with dignity."

"No, no, NO, everyone! This is just WONDERFUL," HIM cackled, "Look at what DESPERATION has pushed him to do – DIGGING like a starving ANIMAL through the FILTH for society's scraps. Oh, this is just DELICIOUS, Grim. You have fallen so low. I AM GOING TO SAVOUR DEVOURING EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU."

HIM's claws gripped the bench as he leaned over it, his mouth spraying boiling spittle. The courtroom and the jury shivered with fear.

"Hmm, if I had known this would be so theatrical, I would have brought my opera glasses," Paradox said as he stood up. He stepped around the table, his cane making sharp clacks on the stone floor. He leaned it against the front of the table to readjust the collar of his coat.

"So, shall we get started?" he said.

HIM turned his head to observe the man who met his gaze unflinching. He found himself sitting back down.

"Who are you?" Death asked.

"Like you, I go by many names. But at this time, you may call me Paradox," he replied.

"Paradox…" Nergal said. "I have heard of you. You are the traveller."

"Indeed I am. I visited your kingdoms many centuries ago, Kis Unu. They were a great place."

Nergal nodded.

"And what about you?" Hunson said, focussing on Juniper. "You look about my daughter's age – how did you end up involved in this?"

"I know who she is," Demongo hissed. "She is the Te Xuan Ze."

"Who?"

"Oh, come on," Juniper muttered as she stood up to join Paradox.

"Her ancestor taught the samurai. She wields an inherited power that is most formidable."

"Oh wow, you must be pretty strong, then," Hunson said.

Juniper tilted her chin up. "Strong enough to beat you, yeah."

"Oh please, are we supposed to be scared?" said Red. "There's seven of us and three of you."

"Then I'd say we're about even," Paradox shared a smile with Juniper.

HIM rolled his eyes. "Okay, well we HEARD the prosecution yesterday. We might as well enjoy today's entertainment."

Paradox nodded and began.

"Your dishonours, I stand before you today to argue a simple position: our client cannot be charged with the crimes you have accused him of, because charging him with such crimes would go against the fundamental nature of this unholy court."

"How do you mean?" hissed Demongo.

Juniper cleared her throat. "You see, despite what this court believes it to look like, our client was in fact acting in the Underworld's best interests. Perhaps for those of you Lords who usually rule on a smaller scale this will be a little difficult to understand, but with our help today we are going to show that the Grim Reaper is not only innocent on all accounts, he acted in a way that will benefit all of you on a scale that is grander than anything you would have ever hoped to achieve without his intervention."

Red scoffed. "I find that hard to believe."

"Don't worry, we'll dumb it down for you," Juniper said.

HIM eyes were narrowed. "Explain."

"It's really quite simple," Paradox continued. "As you know, I have made my life into a journey throughout all of space and time. I am in the present now, but before I was in the future, and soon I may be in the past. Admittedly, this is my first visit to the Underworld! But with a little help I hope to explore this realm some more as the rules of this place are absolutely fascinating. The concept of crossing over between here and the Surface defies all knowledge we have cultivated in the world of science."

"What's your point?" said Death.

"I was just getting to that," Paradox said. "My point is, the existence of the Underworld depends entirely on the existence of the Surface world. Not just before, not even just now, but throughout all of time and existence itself. The very definition of "Underworld" necessitates it! By losing the Surface world today, this place would cease to exist. Or rather, it would turn into something so different it could no longer be considered fit for purpose, and so the future you all aspire to rule would be erased and forever impossible to achieve."

HIM made a face. "What a load of HORSECRAP." He turned to look at the other judges, who looked a little less certain. "Oh come on, you're REALLY buying into this?"

"I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss what he's saying, HIM," Nergal said. "There is a logic that echoes a core pillar of the Necronomicon: the Underworld is eternal."

"I agree," said Death.

HIM shook his head. "What would make the Underworld eternal is CONQUERING THE SURFACE WORLD. As long as the HEROES are ALIVE, THE UNDERWORLD MUST DESTROY THEM."

"Ah, but that's precisely our next point!" Paradox exclaimed. He turned to Juniper. "I think it's time to call our first witness, don't you?"

Juniper grinned. The judges frowned. "Who?" Demongo hissed.

"I would like to call the entity known as HIM to the stand," Juniper announced.

The courtroom broke out into hushed whispers. HIM's eyebrows contorted in fury and confusion.

"How dare you," he growled.

Juniper shrugged. "Please come up for questioning."

"NO."

"HIM, you don't really have a choice," Nergal said, his mouth curling at the corner.

"I am the HEAD JUDGE OF THIS COURT!"

"Yes, and because of that you are also bound by the law," Paradox said.

"What do YOU know?!"

"He is correct," Davy Jones said. HIM turned to stare him. His expression was flat.

The courtroom held their breath as the head judge peeled himself from his seat and stomped into the stand.

"Thank you," Juniper said. "Now, do you swear on all that is unholy that you will tell the truth, nothing but the truth, for fear of the judges' eternal wrath?"

HIM scowled.

"I'll take that as a yes," Juniper continued. She turned to give a subtle wink to Paradox and Grim.

"Now, HIM, as I understand correctly, you have been the sworn adversary of the Surface world since the dawn of its creation. You have tempted and terrorised its denizens for thousands of years, instigating all manners of conflict and unspeakable acts between them."

HIM glared.

"However, for the past ten years you've focussed on quite the unusual obsession, haven't you? The trio of superheroes known as the Powerpuff Girls."

HIM spat at the sound of their name.

"How would you describe your relationship with Powerpuff Girls?" Juniper asked.

HIM remained silent.

"You have to answer, HIM," Death said.

HIM sighed. "Fine. I would describe them as my SWORN ENEMIES."

"Thank you," Juniper said "And so as your sworn enemies, they are what cement your purpose as a villain."

"What are you getting at?" HIM asked.

"If what you're saying is correct, then the Powerpuff Girls define your purpose. They're the key component to another pillar of the Necronomicon you have to honour: a villain must always have something to destroy."

"Are you a FOOL?" HIM said. "I was ALL SET to DESTROY THEM when they were crashing on the ship. Until Grim STOPPED ME."

"Exactly!" Juniper said.

"I don't get it," Hunson said.

"Don't you all see?" Juniper said to the courtroom. "By saving the Powerpuff Girls, our client did the best thing possible – he ensured that HIM would retain his purpose to pursue them all over again."

The crowd scrunched their mouths in surprised approval.

"We hadn't thought of it that way," Nergal said.

"Of COURSE we didn't," HIM spat. "Saving the Powerpuff Girls to ensure my purpose? YOU LOST ME OUT ON THE PROFIT OF THE CENTURY."

"Ah, but we were just getting to that," Paradox chimed in. "You indeed are correct in reminding us of the Necronomicon's pillar: profit above all else. However, Grim allowing all the heroes to cross over together would have totally betrayed that rule."

"How?" Hunson asked.

"I'm glad you asked, Mr Abadeer. As a businessman yourself, I think this will make good sense to you. Consider this – after a year of the economy rapidly growing thanks to the invasion, what do you think would have happened if a sudden influx of all the Underworld's most wanted enemies appeared at once on the market?"

Hunson's eyes widened. "Inflation."

"Precisely," Paradox said. "Inflation. The economy would have experienced a crash that would send the Underworld into a recession so profound it would shiver the deadest of hearts. A surplus of denizens so overwhelming that not only would administration be stalled to complete halt, but the demand for evil services would drop so low that your instruments of terror would lose all value, your purposes as villains would become null and void, and your titles as Lords of Heck might even be stripped in accordance with the laws of the Necronomicon."

"Instead of accusing our client, gentlemen, you should be thanking him," Paradox finished.

The judges were speechless.

"Thank you," Red said to Grim.

"SHUT UP, YOU IDIOT," HIM snapped. "I don't care about this – I don't care about any of this. I AM NOT CHANGING MY MIND."

"That's all right, we don't need to change yours," Juniper said. "Only theirs. I'd like to call our next witness please – Demongo."

A strange feeling had penetrated the courtroom. As HIM slammed the door of the stand, shoving past Demongo as they floated into his place, the kangaroos of the jury could be seen whispering among themselves. The press who had come to capture every humiliating moment of the Grim Reaper's failure were mesmerised by the turn of events, watching with awe as the impossible duo were somehow… gaining the upper hand.

"Do you swear on all that is unholy that you will tell the truth, nothing but the truth, for fear of the judges' eternal wrath?" Juniper asked.

"I do," Demongo hissed.

"And can you confirm for me, that you are in fact not a regular member of the judges, but a representative of a Lord who could not be present for this trial?"

"I represent Aku, the Shapeshifting Mastah of Darkness, the Shogun of Sorrow, the Darkest Soul from the Pit of Hate."

"That's what I thought. Tell me, Demongo, why couldn't Aku be here today?"

Demongo frowned. "My mastah has gone missing. I search tirelessly for him."

Juniper made a sad face. "That must be really hard for you."

"Of course not! Aku will return to rule the world!"

"I'm sure he will. But you don't know how long he'll take, do you?"

"… No."

"So tell me, Demongo, if Aku already rules the Underworld and we were to lose the Surface world, what would there be left for him to rule when he comes back?"

Demongo paused. "There would be nothing."

"There would be nothing," Juniper repeated with a knowing nod. "And so, wouldn't you agree that Grim's actions have actually benefitted your master by preserving a world for him to return to rule?"

Demongo tilted their head. "I would."

"No further questions," Juniper concluded.

Paradox took over to next call up Hunson.

"Hunson, you have a daughter, don't you?" he asked.

"I do," Hunson confirmed, "Her name is Marceline and I love her very much."

"And despite your responsibilities as ruler of the Nightosphere, it's also important for you to do right by her."

"It is."

"Tell me, Hunson, where does she live?"

"Up… on the Surface."

"Up on the Surface, hmm. Might I ask you?"

"Of course."

"If the Surface were to be destroyed, where would your daughter live?"

"I suppose she could come down here to live with me."

"Would she want that?"

Hunson hesitated. "Honestly… I think she'd find it very hard."

"I see. That doesn't sound like doing right by her, does it?"

"No, it doesn't."

"No further questions," Paradox concluded. "I think we have just one more witness, then we'll be ready to deliver our closing arguments. Death, could you please come to the stand."

Death traded places with Hunson.

"Death, I just have one question for you," Paradox said. "How are you enjoying retirement?"

Death's eye sockets brightened. "Oh, I love it," he said. "It's great."

"I'm glad to hear it. But actually, could you also just remind me… what does the Necronomicon say about a current Reaper losing their title for whatever reason?"

Death frowned as he remembered. "If a Reaper loses their title, it's returned to their predecessor."

"So in Grim's case, that would be you."

"Yes."

"Forcing you to come back out of retirement."

"… Oh no."

"Hmm, oh no indeed. No further questions."

As Death's eye sockets widened with worry, Paradox turned to face the courtroom. He stood up to his full height, stepping to the side to allow for Juniper to join him. They looked around, at the judges, at the jury, to the crowd of anticipating faces. They met Grim's gaze and shared the wonderful feeling of knowing it was coming to an end.

"Denizens of the Underworld, if I might have your attention," he spoke. "We were gathered here today to see it through that one of our highest-ranking members would pay for his most unforgivable crimes. We swore that the truth would unveil the deterioration in his abilities, and the corruption in his judgement. But in pursuing that, in doing our very best to honour the law prescribed for us from the blackest recesses of Heck, written in the unholy Necronomicon, we found that we were completely and utterly wrong."

Juniper took over. "We have discovered today that the Grim Reaper saw something far beyond the limited scope of our imaginations. He acted decisively, knowing that he would be condemned for it, but going ahead anyway to secure a future in which the Underworld could achieve evils we thought we could only dream of. And even when it seemed that justice would fail him, he endured it because he knew that the truth would in time be revealed."

"We put it to you now, judges and jury of this unholiest of courts," Paradox said. "Will you succumb to envy and vote to condemn the being you owe all your future successes to? Or will you relinquish him of this false reputation you have tarnished him with, and restore his rightful place as dark Lord of the Underworld."

The courtroom sat at the edges of their seats as the judges gathered their words together to respond.

"I vote not guilty," Nergal spoke.

"I VOTE GUILTY," HIM growled.

"Not guilty," Hunson said.

"Guilty!" said Red.

"Not guilty," Demongo hissed.

The courtroom held its breath as Davy Jones and Death looked at each other.

"Not guilty."

"Not guilty."

It was ruled.

"Uh… the jury has to go with what the judges say, and so I guess this court finds the Grim Reaper acquitted on all accounts. You're free to go," the kangaroo representative announced.

The courtroom broke out into a clash of shock and awe. Some cheered, some booed, most sat there stunned. Paradox and Juniper high-fived, and then they reached to pull Grim into a group hug.

"We did it," Grim said. His eye sockets were full of joy and relief.

"We did indeed, old friend," Paradox said.

"Okay, let's get out of here before they change their minds," Juniper said, watching HIM out of the corner of her eye as he seethed.

The trio pushed through the courtroom crowding to meet them, barging past the press trying to stop them for pictures and interviews. Grim saw the guard who had snitched on him about his scythe permit, and smirked as they looked away. They skipped down the halls to sail down the stairs to the lobby.

"Grim," a voice from behind them stopped them. It was Davy Jones.

Grim met his gaze. He motioned for the others to wait for him outside. He knew this was coming.

"Uncle Davy," he greeted him.

"You don't call anymore," Davy Jones said.

"I've been busy."

"Too busy for family?"

"I'm sorry, Uncle."

"We have only each other left now, you know."

"I know."

Davy Jones nodded. "You did good back there, boy."

"Thank you."

"Don't let it happen again."

"I won't."

"I'll see you at Knishmas," Davy Jones said as he turned to walk away.

Grim watched him go for a moment before also turning to leave.

Outside on the square, Paradox and Juniper were engrossed in conversation with Jeff the leprechaun.

"Hey, bony dude!" Jeff called as he saw Grim approaching them. "I heard you did it man, congrats!" The other hippy leprechauns welcomed him with applause.

"Thank you," Grim said as he greeted them. "I suppose I also owe it in part to you for introducing me to Juniper."

"Ah, no worries, man," Jeff grinned.

"So that's it then, Grim?" Juniper said as the trio walked away from the leprechauns. "You can finally go home and relax."

"Well, we still got a war up dere to think about."

"Right."

"But yeah, I'm looking forward to it." Grim smiled. "By the way, how much do I owe you?"

Juniper waved him off. "Don't worry about it. After fixing this for me," she gestured to her neck, "I'd say we're even."

Paradox spoke. "It looks like all's well that ends well. It was such a pleasure for you to finally meet me, old friend. And to meet you too, Juniper, my new friend." He placed his hands on their shoulders and beamed.

"Well, I've got to go drop this off now before past me notices," Paradox said as he reached down to pick up the briefcase.

Grim's eyes widened. "Actually, maybe I should hold onto dat," he said as he snatched it from Paradox's grasp.

"Grim!" Paradox exclaimed. "You can't just keep it!"

"If it stays with me, it won't get lost. Plus, you said we'll meet again, right?"

"Many times."

"Den I'll give it back when you need it."

Paradox's face filled with understanding. "I'll look forward to it."

The traveller and the Reaper shook hands. Their grips were firm.

"Well, I suppose I'll just head to the Surface then. Would anyone like a lift?" Paradox said to them.

"Yes please," Juniper said.

"I'm going to have to decline," Grim said. "Got to find my kids."

Paradox laughed. "Best of luck." He turned to Juniper. "Shall we?"

"We shall. But… do you think we could take the scenic route?"

"Now that sounds like an adventure."

Juniper hugged Grim, then left with Paradox to search for the O.F.F.I.C.E. Grim smiled as he watched his new friends go.

He turned in the other direction to head into town. Grim's eye sockets narrowed. Now, just where was he going to find- oh, there they were.

"Hey!" he called to Billy and Mandy as they walked along the opposite sidewalk.

The kids turned to see him. Billy waved and Mandy scowled.

"Hiya, Grim!"

"Hello, Billy," Grim responded. "Hello, Man-"

"Did you win?" Mandy asked.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I was-"

"Good, this place sucks. Let's go home."

Grim sighed and opened the portal.

END