Chapter Text
I can feel my legs sweating, and I try my hardest to keep from touching my outer calf to yours.
The back seat is crowded, but I like it this way, when you sit back here beside me. I can touch you here.
Brown eyes catch mine in the rear view mirror. I still love his eyes. His thick, lush, charcoal lashes provide such a beautiful border.
Bass vibrates through the seat, into my back, and I am aware that the cotton shirt I am wearing is damp now.
The passenger side door opens and Jasper gets back into the car.
I see him pass Jake some money as we pull out of the parking garage.
You start mouthing the lyrics to the song playing, and I steal a glance at your lips. Those lips, that felt so good.
Down there.
Last night.
I squeeze my legs together as the guilt stings inside. I should feel bad.
I don't even feel awkward around the two of you, together, anymore. It has all become so routine. To hide these feelings and steal whatever I can, behind closed doors, away from any chance of exposure.
It's become easy to live this lie.
You make it easy. To lie to him everyday.
Even though I say to myself that it's you that makes this lie that I'm living so easy to accept, deep down I know there's more.
The contempt that I feel for him also weighs heavily on my actions.
Contempt is what I feel inside for him now. Hatred for the pain, embarrassment and confusion he caused me to feel. Scorn for knowing what he was doing wasn't right but justifying it in my head as proof that he loved me instead.
Because, If I could make him that angry, he had to love me, right?
After all, when my father got that angry with my mother, it was only because he loved her so much, right?
To know that Jake loved me just as much as I loved him, was all I needed to keep my mouth closed. To cover the bruises. To forgive him.
To take him back.
Again and again.
A/N: Let me know your thoughts? Thanks so much for stopping by :)