Chapter Text
retina's burning, heeseung uncurled himself from his previous shrimp shaped position, a grunt escaping his lips as he did so.
you screamed once more, voice trailing into heeseung's ears through his headset as he rubbed his dry eyes. a small smile crept into his face as you let out a laugh after receiving a jumpscare from the game you were playing.
he had grown quite fond of you after the past year or so, and his admiration toward you only seemed to blossom as the days trailed on.
✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩
the day one of your covers appeared on his youtube recommendations was the beginning of his new found passion. he clicked on it halfheartedly, recognising the song name and deciding to give you a chance. quickly pushing the video to the side, minimising the size, he moved to the search bar to find what he was looking for before you began singing. a few moments later, your voice echoed through his headphones and his brows furrowed.
wow…
you were really good ? he was confused as to why that was a shock, and with that emotion lacing his brows together, he clicked on your video once more, making it full screen as you continued on.
fuck, you were really, really good! ... and really fucking pretty, too!
a slight scoff slipped past his lips as he opened your channel, slight confusion remaining, as to why a gem of a video could just randomly fall into his lap.
as your song came to a close, shifting into a comfortable position amongst his sheets, he clicked on another one of your uploads...and then another, and then another, and another.
you were unreal.
how could one person be so talented ?
his screen time climbed sky high as he shifted from social media platform to social media platform, observing your presence online, before following.
✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩
your significance in his daily routine grew more over time, and you soon became a comfort to him. he'd turn to your covers when he was troubled or stressed, feeling the negativity melt away as your sound graced him. he'd close his eyes, the darkness of his room engulfing his slim build as he felt himself transported to a serene landscape filled with calming sights and ambience.
he felt like a child whenever you'd upload, becoming giddy and giggly as he clicked on the notification, toothy smile practically sewn onto his face.
he was slightly surprised when you'd started uploading vlogs, but it was a welcome change. he knew it must've been difficult to do covers, and due to that, your upload schedule was undecided. though, not long after you began posting vlogs, he picked up on the weekly frequency of them, and he couldn't have been more pleased.
your gummy smile was soon engraved into his frontal cortex, the sight never failing to earn his own in return, as he watched your life go by before his eyes.
he felt close to you, as if you were inches away from him, and even though you were, the barrier of his screen remained. though it felt almost invisible to him, as if he could reach out and feel the warmth of your skin against his fingertips.
he felt as if he was right there beside you on that red velvet couch that you spent way too much money on during an impulsive shopping spree, legs crossed as you spoke to him about your day, informing him of all of the errands you'd to complete by sundown. he felt as if he was right there with you in the grocery store, pulling your cart into the vegetable isle, that you always skip over, loading your cart up, reminding you that you can't live off of chicken tenders and cheese sandwiches for the rest of your life.
fuck, he was so delusional.
a small giggle sounded throughout the room as the thought ran through his mind.
he wasn't stupid, he knew none of it was real. the distance between you both was great, you on one side of the screen, he on the other. no matter what he felt, that fact wouldn't change.
though, he somewhat, begrudgingly, settled with the, current, reality he was dealt, the chance to see into your life feeling like an immense honour, and he was proud that such an opportunity was presented to him, at the very least.
and even though he tried to push the thoughts down as far he could, bottling it up in a far corner of his mind...he couldn't help but crave more.
you weren't the biggest content creator, having a few thousand subscribers, that had barely grown in size over the course of his infatuation, and though he truly believed that you deserved more recognition, heeseung couldn't help but admit that he enjoyed being one of the very few that knew of you.
it was as if you were one of his very best kept secrets, something he'd rather die than share with anyone else.
he would've preferred to keep things that way.
✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩
rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, heeseung's
un-cleansed tongue felt heavy in his mouth as he crawled out of his bed, phone clutched in his hand, as he settled into his computer chair.
quickly turning his pc on, he closed the steam pop up as fast as he could, opening his browser and clicking on one of the favourited links that nestled beneath the google search bar, your youtube channel.
clicking on your latest video that was currently premiering, the pace of his heartbeat quickened as the numbers counted down from ten.
thank fuck, he wasn't late.
anticipation weaved itself throughout heeseung's body as the video began, and he put on his noise cancelling headset. knees to his chest, he leaned back in his chair, head resting on the built in cushion, as an instrumental began. a few seconds later, your voice came through, and the tense, morning muscles that littered across heeseung's body, soothed over.
continuing your serenade, a sweet sound resembling clouds of cotton and pillow stuffing seeping through, heeseung felt lighter as if the melody, itself, ridded the world of gravity.
as the tune came to a close, heeseung's eyes fluttered opened, eyes finally having to adjust to the brightness of his computer screen. a soft smile adorned his face, pride blossoming in his chest as the replay sign stared back at him.
your first original song.
you had been teasing it for a few weeks though vlogs, continuously having to adjust the melody, ad-libs and lyrics, making sure it came out just as how you'd envisioned. you'd been slaving away at it for so long, and it was finally posted.
it truly was perfect...he was so proud of you.
finally clicking the replay button, heeseung moved to the comments, fingers hovering over his keyboard as he strung his thoughts together into a comprehendible sentence. the sound of clacking echoed throughout the quiet room as he typed a praise filled comment before sending it off.
leaning back in his chair, he let himself enjoy the melody once more. the notification alert startled him briefly, eyes darting to the top his screen, landing on the bell sign, he clicked it.
it was you.
"@hee_ramyeon thank you so much! i was extremely nervous to upload this, but im glad that my hard work paid off! i really appreciate your constant positivity and support , you're awesome <33"
scanning over the screen, heeseung whispered your comment to himself for the n-th time, heart rate abusing his ribcage.
he knew it probably meant nothing, but he couldn't help but pick apart your reply.
'constant support' ? you must've recognised his username or something, having replied to and liked his previous comments on all of your other videos, right ? ...you knew who he was ?
'awesome' ? you really thought of him in such a way ? did he have a chance with you ? no. no, no.
"no parasocials, heeseung" he whispered to himself, tutting, "he's not going to fucking fall in love with someone with 'ramyeon' in their username, anyway." he laughed, brushing off your compliment.
'nervous to post this' ? a slight frown crept onto heeseung's face as he thought about it. that explained why you replied to his comment in such a timely manner. you'd usually take a few hours to a day to interact with any comments you'd received, granted you had a life so he understood. though, you must've been hovering over your device, constantly refreshing the page, fearing how your audience might receive the new form of content.
his heart clenched at that, fingers hovering over his keyboard once more as he typed up a response.
"you've got nothing to be nervous about, ___. your song truly is a masterpiece, a beautiful melody capable of soothing anyone who listens to it. you've worked really hard on it, and it shows, im positive that it will be loved by many."
your reply came soon after, thanking heeseung for the kind words, and he read it over a few times, soft smile adorning his face as he liked it.
✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩
he hummed the tune of your song as it played in the background, most of attention paid on his aim as he gunned down the opponents before him before grabbing nearby loot and joining up with his team.
though, he didn't seem to be the only one enthralled by your perfect pitch, as the song accumulated a mass amount of views in a matter of days.
he truly spoke it into existence, it really was loved by many.
he watched your, previously, unmoving subscriber count, skyrocket for the first time ever, and it left a bittersweet taste in his mouth.
you had welcomed the new followers in your latest vlog, thanking them for the support and promising to work even harder on new projects.
he was still proud of you, though, the feeling of you no longer being an underground singer stung a little. your place as his well kept secret was now empty as you found your place in the world on a pedestal that was far too high for him to climb.
it was then that you began streaming, doing everything from 'just chatting', playing video games, building miniatures/legos, drawing and any idea your creative mind could muster up.
he'd stay up late just to tune in.
the comments he left under your videos remained unanswered, unliked, drowning in a sea of others. the ones he left on your stream would fly by in a matter of seconds, leaving them unread.
he grew frustrated with the predicament, turning to donating as the last form of communication he had with left, with you.
it burned, the feeling of being one amongst thousands of others. he no longer felt special, not that he believed you ever thought he was. though, as you read out his donations, blessing him with the sweet sound of your laugh from his jokes, an indecipherable sensation bloomed in his stomach.
he understood that you were only one person trying to adjust to a sudden push in popularity.
it must've been difficult having to deal with overwhelming amount of comments and attention.
he was nothing special.
he knew that.
though, that fact failed to stop the burning sensation that festered within him from leaving a mark on his heart.
the gap that was already established between you both, from one screen to another, grew far beyond his reach.
he could do nothing about it.
when you teased your first full album, and released it weeks later. when you were recruited by a company and signed a year long contract and began working on your next album. when you announced your first tour, and when said tour tickets sold out in days.
he could do nothing but sit back and watch amongst a wave filled ocean of other supporters.
he was just another fan.
nothing special.
he craved the ability to go back in time, to the day he first found you. the times when you were his secret comfort. the days when you'd enthusiastically reply to each and every one of your comments with extra letters and punctuation at the end of every sentence, because you believed it made you sound kinder.
he wished to go back to the day you first met, nothing but a flimsy screen separating your fragile beings.
✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩
heeseung could be lazy, straightforward, easy to irritate, but one thing he never was, was a quitter.
hunched over his monitor, he searched up just about everything he could about you, figuring that finding more information on you, would lessen the gap between the both of you.
metaphorically, at least.
using his substitute account, filled with his own artwork and gameplay, he began his search. requesting a few accounts, and after a few long, but un-regretted, hours, he finally found your second twitter account.
you had previously, unintentionally, hinted to having an alternate account. having accidentally tweeted things on your main account, before deleting, following up with a "wrong account!" tweet. despite himself, and all of the others who had your post notifications on, already reading the tweet through the alert.
it had happened more times than heeseung could count on both hands, and though he wished for you to at least try to be a little more attentive, at least in real life situations, your lack seemed to work in his favour.
once you'd accepted his request to follow your account, he scrolled through, scanning over of one the pictures you'd posted. an art piece you'd designed, recognising the piece as one that was hung in the background of one of your latest streams, he looked at the hand holding up the canvas, adorning the same nail art and rings you had performed with at one of the concerts at the beginning of your tour, posted on the same day, too.
eyes widening, he continued on, picking up on the same speech patterns you have, through the tweets where you'd excitedly express your interests.
he a scoff escaped his lips, as he continued scrolling, finding more discernible evidence, he hopped out of his chair, a squeal sounding throughout the room as he, quite literally, jumped around for joy.
a giggling mess, he finally returned to the comfort of his chair, scrolling through the goldmine, taking it all in.
his toothy smile returned, giggles still slipping past, as his body grew lighter, slightly dazed.
he knew you better than any of the other so-called 'fans' of yours. he discovered another side of you, and he felt the growing partition between you both dwindle slightly.