Chapter Text
'Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
You were bigger than the whole sky
You were more than just a short time
And I've got a lot to pine about
I've got a lot to live without
I'm never gonna meet
What could've been, would've been
What should've been you'
- Bigger Than The Whole Sky, Taylor Swift.
South West Beleriand, Arda. First Age, Year 481 of the Sun.
Tyelkormo Turcafinwë, best known as Celegorm, knew that it was for the best.
Beleriand had the nasty habit of bringing out the worst out of people. He was not a stranger to that, he was sure that his mother would have wept for the crimes that he had committed so far, and the ones that he had yet to commit and still. He kept going. It was the only thing that he had left for himself. Except, it wasn’t entirely true.
He had his brothers, all six of them. And he also had the small bundle that he held in his arms. A daughter. He hadn’t been expecting it, not really. It was supposed to be a casual dalliance, something to ease out the tension and then the captain of his guard had handed over the silver haired child to him and informed him that she didn’t want a child. Not his anyway. The first few days had been nerve wracking, to have such a small child in his arms and to understand that it could die without proper care, without a parent that would be willing to share his fëa with the babe.
So he took his baby and his horse and left his brothers. They knew that he was prone to leaving. It wasn’t the issue. He also might’ve sent his old captain in a suicide mission, but that was on her and not on Tyelkormo. She had basically sentenced Tyelkormo’s child to die, so he cut off all bonds that the child might’ve had with that nis and he vowed to do well by the baby. He was a good hunter and he was sure that he could keep himself and a baby safe for an extended period of time.
He unmade himself, gave himself, Thalion, a new name and joined a group of Silvan elves that were fleeing from the destruction of the wars. It was easy to hide along with them, he easily passed off as a falathrim elf and since the havens of the Falas had been destroyed it was easy to fit in. The silvans often helped him along, he was a single father and many believed that he had lost his wife in the wars. He called his daughter Elemir to his fellow silvans and Elemmírë in his heart.
It was not easy, they were a big group and eventually they would need to either seek a haven or find themselves at the mercy of the enemy. Tyelkormo did his best, offering his knowledge and helping keep everyone protected in exchange for a place for his daughter amongst them.
Isle of Balar, Beleriand. First Age, year 489 of the Sun.
Tyelkormo was a proud father, his daughter, despite all odds had survived the worst of infancy and was actually a lovely young child of eight years by the time they ended up in the Isle of Balar. The island was protected by the Falathrim and the people there led by Círdan the Shipwright. It was arguably the safest place for any child of Beleriand to grow up. So Tyelkormo made his home by the coast of the island where he could continue to observe his child grow away from the mess that was Beleriand.
“Ada look!” little Elemmírë said, showing him a strange colored shell.
He smiled at his daughter, gently patting her hair, “it is beautiful, Titse.”
“If I get enough I can make a necklace,” she told him proudly.
“Of course you can.”
“Will you wear it, Ada?”
“Proudly.”
He honestly hadn’t known that he could come to love anyone as much as he loved his daughter. He could understand Curvo’s wanting to push Tyelpë away from him in order to keep him safe. He knew that eventually he’d have to leave Elemmírë behind and rejoin his brothers, he wouldn’t damn her along with him. He only hoped that she could forgive him one day. While living in Balar he also gave her a second name. Celebriel, in the way of the Falathrim. Her name meant star-jewel, silver daughter. Elemmírë Celebriel, princess of the Noldor, daughter of Tyelkormo Turkafinwë. Elemir, daughter of Thalion.
It was simpler this way. Or at least it was what he told himself most night as he watched over his daughter. Of course, he didn’t manage to go completely unnoticed. Because a couple of months after he settled in a small cabin by the beach he was visited by Círdan himself. Tyelkormo had been tense and had been glad that his daughter had been asleep.
Tyelkormo had decided to humor the older elf and invite him in. It wasn’t like he couldn’t keep himself protected, but he had to think of his daughter. Hence, Círdan’s help was needed, because once Tyelkormo had to leave, he did plan to leave his daughter somewhere safe.
“So your brothers don’t know about the child?” Círdan asked curiously.
“No, and they will not know, not by me anyway,” Tyelkormo said, “I will not let the oath or anything ruin my daughter’s future, I know what kind of monster I am… I don’t want her to be shunned for it, I am Thalion here, in a couple of years, once she’s older I will take a tumble or something, Thalion will die an honorable death or something and she’ll be free of me.”
Círdan nodded, “I would be more than happy to host her, once you decide to leave.”
“Why?” Tyelkormo asked warily.
“I am already fostering Gil Galad, Fingon’s son,” he said gently, “Your nephew Celebrimbor recently joined us too, another Noldorin royal won’t ruin my house. Despite your crimes against my kin, I also remember the great help that you and your people were when you came to these shores.”
Tyelkormo considered Círdan’s words, “and you’d make sure that she’s safe, once I am no longer with her?”
“I give you my word, Tyelkormo, that no harm will befall your daughter in my halls, she shall be treated as one of my own people, she will be loved and cherished,” Círdan assured him.
Tyelkormo nodded at him, “thank you.”
Círdan inclined his head, “should I inform your nephew?”
“No, it is better if this stays between us, I do not want any association of Elemir to any of us.”
“That is her name then?”
Tyelkormo nodded, “Celebriel Elemmírë, Elemir for Beleriand.”
“Celebriel?”
“This is her home, she’s to be of your people.”
Isle of Balar, Beleriand. Year 498 of the Sun.
Tyelkormo smiled as his daughter hit the bullseye. He couldn’t have been prouder of her progress. Sure, perhaps he had initiated her a bit too soon. But he was not going to leave her defenseless. She squealed happily and turned to wrap her arms around his middle.
“I did it, Ada!” she said excitedly.
“Of course you did, Titse, I am incredibly proud of you,” he told her gently. Her head finally reached his stomach and she still had so much to learn and see from the world and he had taught her as much as he could in the years that he had been with her.
During those years, Tyelkormo had accumulated a few mementos from her. She loved to give him things that she found, whether that was a strange looking leaf or seashells or strange looking rocks, Tyelkormo had a collection of it and he treasured them.
“Ada, can you tell me a story tonight?” she asked once they walked back to their house.
“About what, Titse?”
“I love the one about the hunter and the dog, it is my favorite, I want a dog, Ada,” she told him with a pout.
Tyelkormo picked her up as he walked, much to her delight, “but dogs like that don’t exist here Titse, I’d get you all the dogs you wanted.”
“I know… Ada… do I have a Naneth?”
“No, Titse, you’re all mine, I made you with lots of love and force of will, that’s what makes you so special,” he told her, booping her nose.
She giggled and rested her head on his shoulder. It was the moments that Tyelkormo treasured the most, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and continued walking.
“How about a new story tonight, about an elf who made a star,” he told her gently.
“I thought Lady Elbereth made all the stars,” Elemir said, frowning.
“Not all, for you see, this elf was very smart and powerful and he wanted to create something so beautiful that Lady Elbereth was impressed by his work.”
“And did he?”
“Well, you’ll have to listen to the story.”
Isle of Balar, Beleriand. First Age, Year 503 of the Sun.
Tyelkormo stood in front of Círdan and Elemmírë, dressed in his hunting gear and his bag slung over his shoulder. He looked at the girl, she had grown so much and yet had still so much to grow and learn. She was crying despite the fact that she was trying to be strong for him.
“You listen to Lord Círdan, Titse, yes?” Tyelkormo asked, kneeling in front of her.
She nodded at him, wiping away her tears. He gently cupped her face with his hands and brushed her tears away with his thumb. He pressed a kiss to her forehead before pressing his forehead to hers for a moment.
“I love you, Elemmírë, always and forevermore,” he told her before pulling her into a hug.
She hugged him back as tightly as her little arms allowed her, “I love you too, Ada.”
Tyelkormo pulled away and nodded at her, he stood to his full height and looked at Círdan, handing over a small bag to the elf which held most of Elemmírë’s things. Círdan offered a hand to Elemmírë which she took as she watched her father finally leaving their home. Tyelkormo turned back once and offered his little girl a smile before he left to never return.