Chapter Text
He ignored the security guard gesturing to him as he drove through the gates of his property. He liked to pretend that they weren't really there. That there wasn't staff looking after him, that he really lived on his own. But of course such a thing was a ridiculous luxury for someone in his position. Still, he could pretend.
He noticed Neymar's car in the driveway. That was probably why the security guard was waving at him, to give him a heads-up. Everyone who worked for Leo knew that Leo hated unexpected drop-ins. They weren't allowed to let anyone in unless Leo had specifically mentioned it in advance. They were used to making excuses on his behalf. But there was a limit to what they could do. Every once in a while Gerard would barge in, telling his assistant that he'd known Leo for much longer than any of them. Which was true, and Leo didn't expect them to be able to keep away someone like Geri.
So he didn't necessarily blame security for letting in Neymar. What was he going to do, not let him in? But he sighed and his jaw tightened as he walked into the house and crossed the lobby into the living room. It's not that he didn't like Neymar. Actually what he felt for Neymar was much closer to love, but Leo was the type of person who needed time to relax on his own, decompress after being with people all day. And Neymar, well...
"Come in, make yourself at home."
Neymar's husky, accented voice, and a little giggle startled Leo. He realised he'd stopped at the threshold of the living room, deep in thought, and Neymar was sitting down on the sofa watching him.
Leo smiled.
"What're you doing here Ney?"
Neymar stood up and held up his hands.
"I'm sorry Leo. I know. I know I shouldn't be here. You don't like it, and you like to have your time to yourself. And you like to plan things and you need notice to see people and..."
Leo shook his head and entered the living room.
"Stop it Ney, I'm happy to see you."
Neymar smiled, as if pleased that he was bothering to lie. Leo touched his shoulder and kissed him on the cheek. He looked closely at Neymar's face. He was definitely upset about something. He'd left his hand on his shoulder, and he could feel him slightly trembling.
"Anyway, I'm sorry to barge in like this," he mumbled.
Leo withdrew and they both sat down. He felt bad that Neymar felt like he had to apologise for coming over.
"Just because I like to...plan things, doesn't mean you can never come over," he said. He felt the heat creep into his face and he bit his lip.
"Thanks Leo. I just..."
Neymar broke off and sighed, putting his face in his hands.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"Ah nothing. It's been a weird day. I feel bad for Rafinha, it looks really bad and I just..."
"I know. I feel bad too. Poor kid."
There was a pause. Leo could tell that Neymar definitely wanted to talk about it, was hesitating for some reason, but it wasn't in him to draw out conversation from people. He could be a good listener, but he was no good at playing therapist.
"Do you want something to drink?" he asked finally.
"Do you ever get scared Leo?" Neymar asked suddenly.
Leo raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"Scared of what?"
Neymar laughed and shook his head.
"That's funny."
"What's funny?"
Since when did Neymar talk in riddles?
"You're funny. It doesn't even occur to you to be afraid, huh?"
"What are you talking about?"
"I guess that's the difference between Dios and the rest of us!"
Neymar stood up with a little bounce and started pacing up and down the room. Neymar had said it lightly, with no trace of bitterness, but it rankled him.
"You think I'm not afraid of anything?" he said, his voice coming out tenser than he wanted it to.
Neymar turned towards him, a surprised look on his face.
"Oh no. I didn't mean...I just meant aren't you ever afraid of being injured? Taken down by some asshole and then just like that, it's all over?"
This was certainly a topic Leo did not want to get into. Not now, not with Neymar. He tried smiling.
"I have been injured, you know."
"I know."
Neymar came over and sat back down on the sofa. He sat close to Leo and he leaned back heavily, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. He was close enough that Leo could feel the heat coming off his body. He could feel the restlessness in him too. After all, they were very close. They trained together and played together every day. They could read each others' body language in a way that couldn't be described in words.
"Ney," he said gently, "why are you here?"
Neymar let out a short laugh, eyes still closed.
"I know right? Why am I here? Is Dani out of town? Was Geri too preoccupied with his new baby? Why would I come to Leo Messi for a talk?"
He opened his eyes and smirked down at Leo, reached down and fluffed his hair a little. Leo moved away from his hand.
"Well, I'm not the one people normally come to for heart-to-hearts, if that was your point. I'm aware of it."
"Okay so, you don't have to say anything. I just want to talk to you."
"Okay."
"No. You have to say something. Will you say something?"
"Well, I don't know. It depends on what..."
Neymar clicked impatiently. He stood up and sat back down.
"I want to hear something from you Messi!"
Leo frowned. Neymar was quite agitated now, raising his voice a little.
"I'm really upset Leo. I'm upset about Raf...I would have talked to Dani, as usual, but I...I wanted to talk to you..."
Neymar's eyes filled with tears and they stared at each other for a few moments. It hurt his heart to see Neymar like this, but he also didn't get it. He didn't get him, to be honest. He was full of emotions and words and was so very, sometimes uncomfortably, expressive.
"Hey. Okay. You wanted to talk to me, that's fine."
"I know what everyone else will say. But I want to know what you're going to say."
"About what?"
"God Messi, keep up!"
Neymar giggled suddenly, and Leo found himself smiling. The boy was a roller-coaster of emotions. More than usual, that is.
Leo cleared his throat. Was this part of his duties as captain? Where was Andres tonight, he wondered wryly.
"Okay here is what I think," he said slowly, "once you're injured, you know you're not invincible and then you're afraid. You're afraid you're going to get injured again. You're afraid it's going to be a serious one. That's normal. But we don't live in what ifs, do we? We can't. We wouldn't be able to function otherwise."
Neymar nodded.
"That's it?"
"Yes."
"Just don't dwell on it? That's your advice?"
"I guess so. I mean you should talk to someone more...like Andres, or Xavi. Call Xavi or..."
He felt Neymar's hand on his, warm and somewhat clammy, squeezing slightly.
"Leo, I'm not going to call Xavi or ask Andres."
"Why not? They..."
He squeezed again, harder.
"I don't care. I only want to know what you think."
"Wh..Why?"
Neymar sighed and moved his hand.
"I don't know how to explain it. You're...special. You..."
Leo found, to his annoyance, that he was blushing hotly. He hated this. He hated when people praised him like this. Even though he'd had plenty of time to get used to Neymar's obvious, embarrassing admiration, he never knew how to react.
Neymar was laughing now.
"Leo, Leo, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...again! Hahaha. I just meant that you're the one i look up to the most. I want to know what you think, how you deal with things. Make sense?"
"I guess," Leo mumbled, unable to look Neymar in the eyes.
They were silent for a while and Neymar shifted closer, leaning his head on Leo's shoulder. Leo put his arm around him. He liked how easy they were physically with each other.
"I should go soon," Neymar muttered apologetically, "Let you get your beauty sleep."
"No rush," Leo replied. He was liking Neymar's warm body next to his and didn't want him to move just yet. Maybe he was even a little lonely, after all the lengths he went to to preserve his privacy.
Neymar snuggled closer and got comfortable. He was still restless and he kept moving until he finally just lay his head on Leo's lap and stretched out his body on the sofa. Leo laughed.
"You're quite comfortable then?"
"Mmm hmm." His eyes were closed.
Leo impulsively leaned down and kissed his forehead. Neymar's mouth curved up slightly in a smile.
After some time, Leo got up to go to the bathroom. When he came back, Neymar was sitting up, with his head in his hands. He really looked quite distressed and Leo went to him quickly and kneeled in front of him, placing his hands on his knees. Neymar removed his hands from his face and smiled faintly.
"I know Leo, I know. I need to go and..."
"Stop saying that. Please tell me what's wrong."
"I can't shake it. I get so scared. Ever since what happened at the World Cup and the doctors told me..."
His whole body shuddered, and Leo ran his hands up and down his calves to soothe him.
"Every time I'm reminded of it, I feel crazy with anger and fear. I can't put it out of my mind. I can't not dwell on it, you understand? And I hate it so much! Because all I want is to be fearless, to do my thing without being a coward..."
And to Leo's horror, Neymar actually burst into tears, running his hands through his hair and shaking hard. If Leo had time to think about how to react, he would probably freeze. But Neymar's distress was so open and visceral that he just acted instinctively, standing up and wrapping him into his arms, and running his hands up and down his sides. Neymar leaned his head on Leo's shoulder and cried hard for a minute or two, until Leo could feel the tears soaking his shirt.
Finally he stopped and let out a shaky laugh. He disengaged from Leo and leaned back, looking down at him thoughtfully. Leo lowered himself on to his knees again. He felt exhausted, and he put his arms on Neymar's lap and lay his head down.
Neymar ran his hands slowly through Leo's hair, massaging his scalp gently. He could feel that the restlessness was gone from Neymar's body.
"Do you feel better now?"
Neymar's hand moved from his hair to his face, stroking lightly. His touch was so soft that Leo's eyes fluttered shut and he sighed in contentment.
"Yeah, I feel better," he replied softly.
"You just needed a good cry."
"Are you making fun of me?"
"Never."
"Hmm, just checking."
Their voices were mere whispers now.
Finally Neymar sighed and withdrew his hands.
"I should go," he said.
Leo didn't really want him to go, this much he understood, but he didn't know why exactly. He still had some time to wind down before going to bed. He could read something, or take a bath. He would see Neymar at training the next morning, and everything would be fine. But somehow, he didn't want to move his head from Neymar's lap.
"Hey." He felt Neymar giving him a gentle nudge and he lifted his head. He looked up at Neymar and, for a few moments, they just looked at each other, smiling.
"Thanks, Leo," he said and leaned down.
Leo wasn't sure if Neymar meant to kiss him on the lips, but that's what he did. It was a soft pressure, definitely more than just a peck, deliberate enough for Leo to really feel the softness of his lips.
They both stood up and they embraced. Neymar held him tightly, and Leo didn't really want him to let go. But eventually he had to. He watched from his front door as Neymar sauntered down the driveway. When he reached his car, he turned around and looked back, green eyes gleaming in the dark. He flashed a smile, got into his car and drove away.
Leo frowned to himself as he got ready for bed. Was he actually lonely tonight? Is this how it felt?
*