Mother, Even In Death

by Xynopoet

Summary:

Manaka doesn't know whats more shocking, dying or wanting to mother your killer. Either way she's stuck with Saito as her spirit seems to have latched onto his knife.

Notes:

The Big Long Project I've been working on in the backround for like a fucking month. I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 1: Manaka Iwai, Ghostly Guide

Summary:

Manaka and Saito play house.

Notes:

Originally part of a much larger chapter.

It was weird seeing your own dead body, Manaka quickly decided, being stabbed repeatedly by a gleeful child while his father looked on in what she could only describe as mild shock. A strange part of her wanted to comfort the boy who killed her, god only knew how little love So was giving him. Once the child's breathing evened out he tried to explain to his dad that he’d done this out of love and So just angrily dismissed him and called someone to help clean up his mess. She was tugged away from her corpse as the child left, Saito according to So, and looked down at her ghostly body. She was anchored to the knife that had just been used to kill her. It took her a little while longer to actually process both the fact that she had been murdered by a mere child and that she was currently a ghost. Oddly her only two cares in the world were trying to help her child killer and if her own child would be safe with Hitomi.

~死刀愛~

Apparently helping reform a serial killer was very difficult when you could not communicate with him, as Manaka was forced to learn over their six years existing together. She had to cover her eyes everytime he stabbed someone to death with her knife, or was it his knife? The knife she was attached to for reasons unknown to her. The murders were bad enough but they also seemed to make her a more powerful ghost, she could float farther away from the knife with every kill. Today they were at some club he’d snuck his way into and he was trying to squirm his way into a foreign woman’s pants, she was about twice his age! She didn’t look very old but mentioned her age at some point. Apparently Saito’s charms were working on her and Manaka wished she could warn the sharp looking woman that he was just going to kill her.

To Manaka’s surprise he didn’t slip her anything and instead invited her to a love hotel. After about three very boring hours, Manaka was no voyeur and there was nothing in the car for a spirit to do, he returned and somehow looked more miserable than usual. She lightly rustled his hair, he always assumed it was wind or something, as he began talking to nobody. “I go through all the correct motions and cannot find the pleasure dad seems to find in having sex with attractive women.” He put his head on his steering wheel for a bit before driving off. Manaka sighed and he glanced in her direction and quirked an eyebrow. She stared back but could tell he had only heard a weird noise from the passenger seat. Today would be a ‘murder a random homeless person’ day based on his mood. He preferred to manipulate his targets but on occasion he’d just kill someone quick and dirty to ‘feel something’. Today they found a homeless man harassing a woman, he’d managed to corner her in some dingy alley. Saito didn’t care about this, just killing. Manaka covered her eyes and the woman's eyes as he slit the creep's throat wide open. He didn’t even bother threatening the woman or killing her and just left her there, shocked and blood soaked.

~死刀愛~

About a month later they, well Saito, were sat at some fancy cafe waiting for someone. That someone much to her surprise was the attractive older woman he’d slept with. “You are a hard man to track down Saito Sejima.” She sat down and got comfortable, her Japanese was impressive. “I’ll skip to why I invited you out to lunch, I am pregnant and it is yours. I’m planning on aborting and I’d figured I’d inform you before going through with it.” She didn’t even try to blackmail him or ask for money but he still just stared at her.

“I want you to bring it to term.” His voice was firm and demanding, but not loud. “I’ll cover the required expenses and even raise the child.” A hint of obsession and mania also crept into his voice.

“Fine, I’ll need a place to stay.” He agreed rapidly and offered a room at the Sejima estate that she quickly declined, noting she wanted somewhere private. He offered up a small apartment in Kabasaki that she agreed to.

~死刀愛~

Saito didn’t seem to care for the woman at all and she didn’t care for him. His only need was the child she was carrying, which he only seemed to care about because it was made by him. About 8 months of tense mild disdain for each other it was time for their daughter to be born. Manaka had enough power to watch Ophelia Rosenburg give birth. She hovered right over Saito’s shoulder the entire process and cooed softly when a swaddled baby girl was gently handed to him. She hadn’t cried coming out of the womb and sat peacefully in his arms, blankly staring at him. “I think I’ll call you Shirakira.” The baby smiled up at him when he spoke.

~死刀愛~

Ophelia had left as soon as she could after Shirakira was born leaving the girl motherless. She was glued to Saito and he seemed to not mind how his daughter clung to him. So on the other hand seemed to hate her mere existence, so the now three year old avoided him. Manaka had been worried that the little girl would be abused by Saito or that he’d take her along when he committed murders. She had never considered that she’d just toddle in on him killing someone. Manaka watched in horror as little Shirakira opened the basement door while clutching her rhino plushie, she was looking for her dad after waking up in the night, and started an awkward toddle down the stairs. Saito didn’t hear her until she reached the bottom step and called for him. “Oh, what are you doing up my spark?” She didn’t say anything, too busy chewing on her rhino’s eye, and just pointed at a tied up woman. “Her? She’s daddy's playmate tonight.” Shirakira nodded as Saito casually slit the woman's throat. As he came over dripping in blood tiny teeth managed to finally break the eye free of the plush. He quickly scooped her up and had her spit out the eye so she didn’t choke. “You hurt your rhino, sparkler? I’ll see if one of the maids can fix it for you.” He pocketed the eye and started up the stairs, smiling down at his charge while Manaka floated around them.

“Was dat mommy?” She tilted her head a little.

“No, she was just a random woman daddy met tonight.” The little girl nodded.

“What about her?” A tiny finger pointed right at Manaka, much to the ghost's shock. Saito looked at her in turn and squinted his eyes.

“I think you're just seeing things Shirakira, your mommy lives very far away. Hey can you say your name for daddy?” Saito still couldn’t see her yet Shirakira could. She had been becoming much more powerful and would spend her nights just watching over the girl.

“Shaikuwo!” She quickly threw her hands over her mouth because she was being loud. Saito just chuckled at his beloved daughter.

“Close there sparkler, how about we make that your special nickname? Saikuro.” The child nodded, probably not getting what any of that meant. He carried her all the way to her bedroom before realizing he needed to clean up and wash his face. He set her down and gave her a good night kiss. “Daddy needs to go wash up, okay my little monster?” She nodded as he headed off.

Manaka quickly wiped the blood off Shirakira who was still staring at her. “Come on little one, why don’t you crawl into bed?” She ushered the girl into her bed and tucked her in for the night, giving her a second good night kiss.

“Good night, floaty mommy.” Oh if Manaka still had a heart it would have melted hearing that. Shirakira fell asleep quickly with her hair being stroked.

~死刀愛~

Rohan was different today, something was just off about him. Well something was always off about him but this was a different kind of ‘off’, instead of the usual super creepy vibes Manaka got from him she just felt an overwhelming sadness. Also he just was not carrying himself with his usual demeanor. Saito apparently also noticed something was off as he sicced the guards on him and vanished into the night. He didn’t come home that night, much to Shirakira’s dismay. She cuddled with the six year old girl until she fell asleep in her embrace.

Saito wasn’t back by the next evening, however a strange woman in red had arrived. She introduced herself as Shizue Kuranushi and was apparently here about Saito, something about his body and mind being switched with one of her detectives. Manaka couldn’t follow the conversation at all and it looked like her charge couldn’t either. She ran off when So began discussing what to do about her and his general dislike of Saito. Manaka of course followed after, not interested in the affairs of her former lover anymore. Shirakira was in Saito’s room and trying to get down one of his jackets. Manaka carefully lifted it off the hanger and put it over her body, knocking her knife down in the process. Shirakira’s tiny hands quickly snatched up the blade and held it close, seemingly transfixed by it. “Monaca…”

“Honey, that’s dangerous, put it down.” Manaka tried to reach for the knife but it was quickly jerked away, she didn’t even register that the knife had somehow been named and named after her at that.

“If daddy isn’t coming back I want his special plaything. Please let me keep her, Mommy.” Shirakira gave her best puppy dog eyes, which probably only worked on Manaka and Saito as no one else found the girls' eyes cute.

“It’s a knife dear, not a toy. So unless you plan on learning to use it properly I really think you should just put it somewhere safe.” She gave her a soft smile, hoping to have dissuaded her.

“So if I promise to learn something like how to make daddy’s special stew I can keep her?” Manaka let out a sigh, Saito’s special stew had been one of his stranger decisions. Using your daughter to help dispose of a corpse by cooking it into a stew for her birthday was definitely weird and Manaka had tried everything to prevent him from making it! Instead her knife ended up being used to make the thing almost as if to spite her! Manaka relented and just nodded.

“So why is Saito’s knife a her?” She sat next to the bundled up girl, she refused to call Saito daddy even to humor her charge.

“Because her name is Monaca and I think that’s a girl's name.” Manaka had never given the girl her name, she was just Mommy to her. She had to have overheard some discussion at some point involving her and the knife.

“I think it is.” She ruffled Shirakira’s hair. “Is there anything else you want to do?”

“Do you think that weird mean bald guy might know where daddy is?” Rohan had instantly become the ‘weird mean bald guy’ when he insulted her rhino plush.

“Maybe but it’s close to bedtime so you won’t be able to meet with him. How about we try in the morning?” Shirakira nodded and shuffled off to bed, putting the knife in a box of important things she kept near her bed. Manaka hated nights now that she couldn’t sleep. She’d tried on a few occasions but just ended up floating in boredom. One could only explore the massive estate so many times. With Saito gone though she could riffle through his things or she could watch over Shirakira for the night, maybe even come up with a cute nickname for her. She deserved one and probably friends her own age. Unlike her father she was basically locked up here, So wanted no one to know he had a granddaughter. Manaka had to wonder what she’d ever seen in the man, she also wondered how Tomi and Iris were doing. Renju never even crossed her mind. She remembered Saito had a laptop in his room and quickly floated over there and got it out. There was no password on the device itself, probably because he only used it to look busy at cafes when prowling. She quickly put in Hitomi’s name and found out she was an elementary school teacher. She looked good, the years had been kind to her. If Shishi, she finally settled on a nickname for her daughter, ever went to school she’d make sure it was one Tomi taught at. Was it weird to consider her murderer's daughter hers, especially when she hadn’t given birth to her? She was raising Shishi and she did call her Mommy so it couldn’t be that weird. She managed to find a picture of Iris on social media and was surprised how well she’d grown up. She spent the rest of the night looking up her old friends.

She floated back to Shishi and gently woke her up, she got cranky if anyone other than Saito or Manaka woke her. She wished Manaka a good morning and went about getting ready for the day. She and Saito would always sit together for breakfast on the gazebo but with him away she ate in the kitchen, So didn’t let her eat with him. As soon as she finished up and brushed her teeth she grabbed her special box and started looking for someone to drive her, settling on Mamoru. He was immune to the puppy dog eyes but not to the general pleading of a child, or he was just very nice and felt bad for the sheltered girl. “I want to see the weird bald man daddy is friends with Mamoru.” For a rich girl she was very uncouth, Manaka and Saito probably could’ve tried harder on instilling manners into her. The ride to the Kumakura’s place had been peaceful, Shishi didn’t even complain about her carseat, just about being helped into it. She stomped up the stairs to the yakuza office with a little pout on her face and burst into the room. “Where’s my daddy or the weird bald guy!?” Three yakuza just stared at her as Manaka began planning to try and pick her up and bolt, somehow. The short man behind the desk gave her a weird look and got up as Mamoru caught up with us.

“I apologize for Miss Sejima’s outburst, we are looking for Saito and Rohan.” Manaka sighed in relief as Mamoru diffused the situation.

“Sejima as in that politician who has us clean up messes? Wait, how old are you?” The tiny man walked up to Shishi and probably would’ve been intimidating if he wasn’t barely a foot taller than her.

“I’m six!” She put her hands on her hips and puffed out her chest while the man looked like he was holding in a laugh.

“And why do you think my brother is weird?”

“Your brother doesn’t think rhinos are cool and said my plushie wasn’t cute so he’s weird and mean!” She stamped her foot and the guy lost it. She just pouted at him as he laughed. “What’s so funny!”

He managed to stop laughing, “Sorry… Sorry… It’s just not everyday an angry six year old bursts in here and complains about my brother's taste in animals and plushies.” He took a breath and really looked at Shishi. “Oh Saito’s that creepy blonde Rohan hires sometimes ain’t he, ya look a lot like him kid.”

“Daddy is not creepy.” She huffed. “So where is Rohan?” Her voice was sufficiently demanding.

“He’s at the hospital and in pretty rough shape.” He looked at her. “Ya know what, let's go visit him.” She nodded and headed right back down the stairs as he grabbed his jacket.

The ride to the hospital was pretty peaceful. Moma and Shishi exchanged names properly at some point in the trip and Manaka decided he was a fun oddball sort even if he was a criminal. When they arrived she decided to look around a bit because she felt a familiar vibe, she’d always been good at clocking peoples vibes and had only gotten better as a spirit, and entered Tomi’s room. She was asleep and looked like she’d just gone through surgery. Manaka gave her a hug and as the door to her room opened she quickly flitted away to go find her charge. When she caught up to Shishi she noticed Saito’s presence was in the hospital, his was always pretty muted. As the odd group entered Rohan’s room she realized he was radiating Saito’s vibes. Shishi quickly pointed at the man and declared in her huffiest voice, “Rhino Hater!”

Manaka whispered in her ear, “Be nice, Shishi.” She ended up just saying Rohan in the exact same tone of voice. Thankfully the man seemed to be in good spirits and just chuckled, then coughed. The nurse informed them he had light amnesia, basics were there but specific and recent memories were mostly gone.

“Well that’s one way to greet me, Saikuro.” Manaka and Shishi froze when he used Saito’s nickname for the girl, while it wasn’t entirely impossible for him to have picked it up from Saito it felt wrong coming from Rohan’s mouth. “So what brings a cute little girl like you here?”

“I’m looking for my daddy and since you two were together so much I figured I’d ask you if you knew where he was.” She sounded more earnest now.

“I don’t know where he is but I do remember you.” The nurse lit up at that.

“Well if she helps jog your memory Mister Kumakura, I can add her to your visitor registry at the ward.” He nodded in agreement and Shishi gave her full proper name. Moma stepped forward and started talking to his brother in hushed tones. Once they broke he returned his gaze to Shishi.

“So why are you so interested in finding your dad Saikuro?” Curiosity edged into his voice.

“Because he’s one of the only people who seem to care about me… he and Mommy.” She looked away from him.

Mamoru interjected, “Mommy is her imaginary friend.” Manaka sighed waiting for the outburst of ‘She’s real to me’ from Shishi but instead she just stood there looking dejected. Everyones running theory was that Manaka was just something Shishi made up to cope with lacking a proper mother figure and friends. A heavy awkward silence filled the room, broken by Saito-Rohan.

“Well I bet the little lady is hungry, how about you take her home and get her something nice on the way.” Shishi nodded and bolted. Mamoru quickly followed after but Manaka lingered as Moma and Saihan had a stilted conversation. Eventually she drifted back to Shishi, not before stopping in Hitomi’s room again. Only Iris was with her, lightly stroking her hand in worry. Manaka gave her baby a hug and returned to her daughter. The car had a deathly silence in it and not because of the ghost.

“What do you want to eat Miss Sejima?” Mamoru glanced back at Shishi.

“I’ll eat at home.” Her voice was small and adamant about not getting anything, Manaka gave her a concerned look as she knew what would really happen was she’d lock herself up in her room until dinner.

“You remember Saito’s rule don’t you?” Manaka smiled at the invocation of Saito, it was a silly thing he’d said offhand once about ‘Good little girls must get treats.’ that had somehow stuck with Shishi and she wanted to thank Mamoru for remembering it.

“Well I don’t feel like a particularly good girl so...” Shishi didn’t even stick her nose up in the air or do a performative ‘humph’, had she managed to never hear someone call Manaka imaginary?

“Well I guess I’ll be ordering for you then, a kids meal with pancakes.” Shishi tried to protest but Manaka just shushed her.

~死刀愛~

Manaka brushed Shishi’s hair as she enjoyed her kids meal, the toy it’d come with sat untouched at the bottom of the little box it came in. “Mommy, you’re real right?” The waver and fear and sadness in her voice broke Manaka’s metaphorical heart.

“Well I’m brushing your hair right now aren’t I, Shishi?” She hummed and finished up her yogurt and finally pulled out her toy, a kind of cute plushie, and held it close.

~死刀愛~

Three years without Saito had been hard on Manaka’s beloved daughter but Saihan was trying his best to fill in; they'd visit him at least three times a week. Today would be another visit to the man and Shishi was excited to show off her barely improving knife work and English. So had been hyperfocusing on her learning the second language, to the detriment of her other courses. Manaka hated to admit it but her daughter was honestly kind of dumb.

What she lacked in brains she made up for her in cunning and an eerie ability to not scar her skin and charm. She really was a miniature version of her dad, for better or for worse. She was growing quite tall much to Moma's chagrin. She'd really found a family in the Kumakuras but Manaka was still Mommy. Shishi rushed into the ward with her box of important things in hand, Mamoru kept up with her while Moma leisurely strolled in, Manaka of course floated carefully through the ward to Saihan’s room. "Well if it isn't my favorite little girl!"

"I'm the only little girl you know, silly!" She smiled at him, a toothy grin.

"I've met other little girls and you're the cutest I know and my favorite. Everytime I see you, Saikuro, I swear you have more bandages and stickers." Saihan smiled at Shishi as she burst into the room. She beamed up at him while showing off all her cute bandages.

"It's cuz the maids refuse to teach me how to use a knife, they just yell at me about how I make more work for them." Shishi performatively huffed and pouted. Manaka had tried to help her a few times but she'd never learned to cook herself so knife skills were well beyond the ghost. “Um, do you think you can teach me Mr. Kumakura?”

“I can try Saikuro, come sit on my lap and bring your knife with you.” How he knew she’d brought a knife was a mystery for later Manaka to solve. Shishi pulled Monaca out of her box and quickly climbed into his lap. She’d gotten a custom made sheath for her knife with the allowance So did give her. “You take good care of it don’t you.” He inspected the knife and sheath.

“She’s not an it! She’s Monaca the Knife.” He chuckled and settled her in his lap and began walking her through how to use a knife, having her demonstrate she understood what he was saying with a plastic knife.

“This isn’t working, Saikuro, here hold Monaca.” She picked up the knife and he started adjusting her grip on it til she was pinching the blade between two of her fingers and had the rest curled around the handle. “She’s a little big for you right now but with how you're growing that shouldn’t be an issue for long.” He sounded like a proud father, how Moma didn’t suspect a thing fascinated Manaka. “Now curl your fingers up so you don’t chop them by accident.” She did as instructed and he guided her hand through the motion of a chop. They slowly wrapped up by actually cutting a carrot. She squirms out of his lap and gives him a little curtsey and bow. “Thank you for visiting me, Saikuro.” He waved her off as Mamoru escorted her out. “You know I swear she visits me more than you do, little brother.”

“Hey, I’m a busy man trying to run the clan in your absence.” Moma cocked his hips and Manaka giggled at the display. He was quite flamboyant for a yakuza interim leader.

“I know Moma, keep up the good work.” He brightened up and left with a wave and Manaka was quick to follow. “Stay a moment won’t you ‘Monaca the Knife’, I’d like to talk to you a bit. Saikuro will probably have a few of the old ladies doting on her for a bit, you know how they are, so we have some time.” She slowly turned to face him, frightened. “You’re already dead, it’s not like I can kill you again. I just wished to thank you for helping raise my daughter.”

“You’re welcome, Saito.” She started to float back to Shishi.

“I’m glad I killed you, or maybe I’m glad ghosts exist.” Not an ounce of sarcasm or potential remorse filled his voice. “You know, Rohan buried your body for dad. It’s why we worked together, I think, he got the idea for removing eyes from you. Be seeing you, Manaka.” He waved her off and she bolted through the wall, not even stopping to enjoy Shishi being doted on by a few of the older women at the facility.

~死刀愛~

She was still shaken when they got to the Kumakura offices where a new face and a familiar face had appeared, a man who should’ve looked intimidating and Shoko Nadami. Moma handled introducing them to Shishi, having taken a shine to being called ‘Uncle Moma’ at some point and trying to live up to said moniker. Lien seemed to take a shine to Shishi and in turn she seemed to like him whereas Shoko just made an off-hand comment about brats and that at least Shishi seemed well behaved. Manaka wasn’t really paying attention and just wanted to get home and curl up. Was it weird for her to consider the Sejima estate her home? Did she even care about that right now? Not really she was just exhausted and trying to enjoy watching her daughter be taught how to pick a lock. Shoko had left at some point when she hadn’t been fully tuned in. That evening Shishi excitedly showed off her lock picking abilities and knife work to Manaka and one of the few maids who would give her the time of day.

~死刀愛~

New faces among the Kumakuras were a rarity so when a shady woman wearing a mask who only went by Quartz slunk into the office one day Shishi had been delighted, both because another girl was here and because it meant someone else to hang around with other than her ‘Big Brother’ Lien and ‘Uncle’ Moma. The other yakuzas didn’t dislike her but they also never really paid her any mind. Quartz would always get weird when Shishi called her big sister, Manaka found it adorable.

~死刀愛~

A few months after Quartz had joined them Shoko burst into the office, mildly out of breath. She weirdly sat next to Shishi, who she previously expressed disinterest in. Manaka would’ve thought something of it if Saito’s vibes weren’t dripping off of Shoko like water. Once she caught her breath she quickly explained that Rohan had died. She didn’t elaborate and pulled Shishi into a hug and started stroking her hair as the poor girl sobbed into her dress. "It's okay Saikuro, shshsh I've got you sparkler." The words washed over the little girl as she snuggled deeper into the usually haughty woman's chest. No one seemed to notice her… his use of sparkler. "That's right, cry it out." Eventually Shishi calmed in Saito-Shoko's hold and the older woman got up to leave after wiping down Shishi's face with a handkerchief that she let her keep. Saiko glanced at Manaka before leaving. The ghost gave chase. "If something happens to me take good care of Shirakira for me Manaka."

"I'll try my best, Saito."

~死刀愛~

Manaka wrung her hands as they stood outside some creepy abandoned building, her knife tucked in a custom sheath that sat around Shishi’s waist. Saito had texted her to come to this place and Manaka was suspicious, especially with Shoko’s recent death. She’d been withdrawing more and more lately much to Manaka’s worry. Shishi had even refused to go to Moma’s birthday this year when she hadn’t missed it in the nearly 6 years she’d known the man. They slipped into the warehouse and Manaka was instantly transfixed by what she saw on the catwalks as Shishi wandered off. Iris was supporting a small girl while a sad vibe oozed from a man with a rifle, the same vibe she’d felt from Rohan the night Saito disappeared. Worst of all Tomi was tied up and Saito had a gun to her head. Suddenly the man with the rifle just dropped it. The clatter brought Shishi back into the main room with an eye in her mouth much to Manakas horror. She couldn’t focus on her daughter staring up at her dad and swallowing an eye though, she needed to stop Saito and preferably without killing him. She rushed towards him, planning on wrestling the gun from his hands if she had to, subtly be damned. He hesitated a beat when he noticed her and his head suddenly exploded. Shishi took off like a shot out of the weird building with Manaka following behind her. Wet concrete and dilapidated streets made for poor running and Shishi tripped. Manaka caught her but as she checked her over she noticed the dimming sparkle in Shishi’s eyes had been snuffed clean out.

Notes:

I decided to cut the story after Shirakira sees Saito dies bc that's where the three alt endings pick up from.

Chapter 2: Monoca Daoai, Spirited Mother

Summary:

Manaka resurects and must adopt a new identity.

Notes:

The other half of that big chapter I mentioned last time. yes these were originally going to be one big block.

“Really? Ripping her from her support system?” Manaka yelled as she stared at So who suddenly looked back at her, just floating in the corner of his study angrily. She was eavesdropping on his plans to ship off Shishi to America.

“Manaka?” A waver crept into his usually sure voice.

“Oh, I’m not used to you reacting to my presence. Yes, it’s me.” She floated over to the chair in front of the desk and sat in it, his eyes tracked her. “I’ve been haunting the knife Saito used to kill me since well, he killed me.”

“You… you’re dead.” He overemphasized the word dead. “I’ve even seen your corpse recently, when Hitomi tried to blackmail me into helping Iris.”

“Yes, So, I am in fact dead, not that that seems to really affected you in the long run as you just covered it up and didn’t even consider helping Saito with his clear mental health problems. Also, you should help Iris because she’s your daughter, not like you seem to care about anyone but yourself.” He looked physically hurt by her words. “I mean I’ve done a better job raising your own granddaughter than you have. Why are you even sending her away?”

“The staff were dealing with her, since they’ve all left I figured it’d be better if I sent her to Ophelia.” He was firm on his decision even if it made no sense. “Why should I care about Saito’s bastard daughter?”

“Because she’s your flesh and blood? Your granddaughter? I can’t believe I wanted to raise a daughter with you.” She glared at her former lover.

He was speechless for a moment, probably not used to being yelled at especially by women. “I clearly cannot provide the care required for her at my current age so it is best if she leaves. I decided to send her to America so she wouldn’t have anything tying her down.

She slammed her hands into the table, not really accomplishing anything other than accidentally shoving her arms through the table top. “You just want to be rid of her. As much as I don’t like Saito, at least he loved her in his own weird way and was honestly a better father than you’ve ever been. You know So, I don’t know what I ever saw in you.” He somehow looked more hurt. “Actually no I do know what I saw in you, I thought I could help you and make you a better person. I was wrong, oh so wrong. Saito at least had the gall to admit, even if I didn’t enjoy him reveling in it, that he was an awful person. You just hide behind a veneer of being good. Now if you’ll excuse me I’ll be taking care of Shishi.” With that she floated away to her charge who was climbing into a taxi and looked defeated. She’d been very out of it since Saito’s death and had set up a shrine to him where he died. She wasn’t talking and barely eating. Manaka had tried everything to calm and comfort the girl but her depressive spiral was too fast and too deep.

The taxi ride to Kabasaki was dead silent, the driver had given up on trying to make small talk with Shishi pretty quickly. Something felt off about today, the overcast sky felt ominous and it felt like a mounting pressure was about to erupt. Usually Shishi would have the taxi wait for her to finish her little ritual and pay the driver when she got back home. Today she shoved a wad of yen, the usual fare for the round trip, into him and grabbed her things. He asked why she’d given him so much and dismissively said she was ‘paying it forward.’ and ran into the abandoned building with Manaka trailing close behind as he drove away. Fireworks were set out all over the place and each was getting lit, eventually Shishi was down to just two sparklers and headed up to her impromptu shrine. One sparkler was placed in Saito’s urn while she held the other tightly, she also had placed Monaca next to the urn. As the sparkler fizzled out she let it fall from her hands and pulled a handgun from her bag and Manaka became rooted in place as she watched her beloved daughter raise it to her temple. Whatever the girl was saying wasn’t reaching Manaka’s ears. Before anything drastic could happen a gloved hand yanked Shishi to her feet, forcing her to drop the gun. Shishi reached for her knife as the woman holding one of her hands, Shizue if Manaka remembered correctly, shouted. “What are you thinking, how did you even get a gun?!” Before Shishi could even touch her knife a mask was shoved over her face and she was sprayed with sleeping gas. Manaka swirled around her charge in worry as she was awkwardly carried to a jet black sports car. After Shishi was buckled in, Shizue re-entered the place to retrieve her things and plopped the bag, gun, and knife into her passenger seat. Manaka was very worried that Shishi was being kidnapped but didn’t want to injure her so didn’t try to mess with the woman driving.

A sigh of relief left Manaka as they pulled up to a police station and a fluffy looking officer collected Shishi while Shizue took her things to some weird office with Manaka in tow, she didn’t need to look after Shishi while she rested. The ghost examined the office and fiddled with things while worry filled her as she didn’t sense Shishi waking up and actually just couldn’t detect her at all. She began balling herself up in a panic as everything slowly faded out.

~刀愛~

I woke up disoriented while everything felt heavier. It took me a few moments to process the idea that I’d woken up and a few more moments to realize the heaviness was because I had a body again. I slowly sat up and looked over my body and realized I was nude and covered myself with my arms as the door to the office I had woken up in opened. Shizue entered and stared at me and I stared back, “Um… I can’t explain.” and gave a nervous chuckle.

“Whatever is going on here we aren’t having this conversation well one of us is nude, so do you want clothes or me to strip.” She sounded serious but I could tell she was joking.

“Clothes, please.” Further examining myself I noticed I’d put on some weight in my undeath, was this even my original body? Shizue handed me a big t-shirt and some pants and faced the door while I put them on, after changing I sat in a comfy looking chair. “I’m decent, Miss Kuranushi.” I didn’t know why I was being so polite with the strange woman, probably her commanding aura.

“How do you know my name?” She turned and hopped up on her desk. “I have a feeling you don’t have an answer for why you showed up naked in my office.”

“Um, you probably won’t believe anything I’m about to say…” I stuttered through an abridged explanation of the past eighteen years, on occasion Shizue would interrupt her to ask a question and I'd answer to the best of my abilities.

Boss, she’d ask me to call her that at some point, drummed her fingers and thought a moment. “Interesting. So what exactly do you want?” It was a weird question to me.

“Shishi to be happy, that’s all I really want right now.” Boss nodded.

“Well her Psync should be finished so she’s probably being debriefed by Ryuki or Pewter, let’s go see her.” We both got up and left and I ended up running right into the door because I forgot I couldn’t just float through walls and doors anymore. I whispered owie to myself while rubbing my face and opened the door and let Boss take the lead. As we stepped into some sci-fi looking control room Shishi spotted me and ran towards me and leapt into my arms.

“I knew you weren’t just some figment of my imagination, Mommy!” I held my daughter tight, never wanting to let her go. She cuddles back into me. We move to sit where we are told to, Shishi perched in my lap, she was surprisingly light. A strange man in a lab coat, he introduced himself as Pewter, began explaining things that ultimately went over both of our heads. We just nodded and hummed along, only really understanding that Shishi would need medicine and a lot of help to be more well adjusted. Both things that So’s plan of shipping her off to America didn’t accomplish. “Since you're here that means I don’t have to go to America, right?”

Boss put up her hand and looked Shishi dead in her eyes, “What do you mean?”

“Grandfather said he’d be sending me to America.” Boss began to rub her temples and muttered something about the Sejimas under her breath.

“Okay, first order of business is getting Manaka clothes, then we talk to So, and finally we set up a psychiatric appointment for Shirakira.” She motioned for us to follow her. “Come on, Ryuki you too, we need a ride.”

“Yes, Boss, Ma’am!” The fluffy haired officer from earlier stood ramrod straight and saluted Boss. He had at least three separate souls, I guessed that’s what I could detect, swirling around him. If I had to guess the nervous twitchy one was his own, a confidant one was definitely emanating from his bright red eye, and a faded spirit seemed to have latched onto his watch. We all headed out.

~刀愛~

Getting a new outfit had been somehow harder, owing to my new size, than convincing So to part with Shishi. The real next thing on me and Shishi’s agenda was housing, which had seemed to slip Boss’ mind, so now everyone but Ryuki were crammed into the Kumakura offices. Lien and Quartz weren’t here today which was a little sad, I wanted to meet everyone in person. Boss was introducing herself when Quartz walked in and quickly walked back out, not before she was noticed. “Mizuki Kuranushi, get your ass back in here right this minute!” Quartz sheepishly re-entered the office and shuffled over to Boss. “So that’s where that mask went. Take it off, now.”

“Can’t” Her voice was muffled. “I glued it on.” Boss sighed and pulled something out of her purse and ran it along the length of her mask before pulling it free. She also tugged down the young woman's hood revealing a lot of fluffy blue hair. I held Shishi so she didn’t go touching it or tilting her head too far to one side.

“We will have a conversation about this when we get home.” Quartz nodded and stood behind her as Moma turned his attention to me.

“So you’re the mom Saikuro always talks about huh?” I nodded. “I’m-”

In my excitement to be able to finally meet Moma I cut him off, “You’re Moma Kumakura the, uh, Warhorse. I’m Monaca Daoai, it's a pleasure to meet you!” and excitedly shook the diminutive man's hand as he chuckled. My fake name had been decided on the way to So and he and Boss were cooking up my new family register, I was set to be some distant relative of Manaka Iwai somehow. “We were hoping you could help us find a place to live, Mister Kumakura.”

“Anything for my little niece.” He had a goofy grin on his face. “Anywhere in particular you’d like?” I pulled out Saito’s old phone that I was now using and instantly lost my grip on it, not used to being human still. As I fumbled with it Shishi snatched it out of the air and pulled up the school Tomi worked at on it and showed it to Moma. “So somewhere near there? Yeah I think we got some places, let me check.” He typed something as he computer as i awkwardly shuffled in place after embarrassing myself. “Yeah we got a place just recently vacated that’s furnished nearby, not walking distance but close enough. I’ll take you there.”

“That’s so nice of you Mister Kumakura.” I beamed at the older man, causing him to blush, and let him lead the way.

~刀愛~

I waved as the Kumakuras left, they’d been nice enough to help us unpack, and Shishi joined in with me. We stepped back into our new apartment, gosh it was exciting having a place to live and a daughter, and quickly realized we had made a mistake as I heard Shishi’s tummy growl. “Oh I’m so sorry Shishi I didn’t even think about…” She was typing away at her phone for some reason. “What are you doing?”

“Ordering delivery, do you want pizza or something else?” She glanced up at me. “We can have groceries delivered too, if you want mommy.”

“Things really have changed since I was…” Thinking about my own mortality was super weird, could I even eat? As if answering my question my own stomach growled. “Pizza sounds lovely.” I watched as Shishi quickly put in an order, she was using her own money at the moment. So had given us a weekly allowance that I was pretty sure was well above minimum wage but we wouldn’t receive it until next week. He said it was the same as Saito and Shishi’s allowance, which she’d only ever spent on getting the custom sheath for her knife. So the last things on my to-do list were to enroll Shishi, get Shishi a doctor's appointment, and help contribute to household funds. Maybe I’d continue my… I’d need to restart my polsci degree. I sighed and rested on the couch and my lovely little girl sat on a stool in the kitchen kicking her legs in excitement.

When the pizza arrived I excitedly got up and got it from the delivery man. I’d never been so excited for food in my life. I was also excited to go to bed tonight instead of needing to stay up all night doing nothing. I bit into my slice of pizza and squirmed excitedly, it was so good! Just like life was. I tried not to giggle as I watched Shishi eat her slice with a knife and fork but it was just too cute and silly, but that’s why I loved her to bits. She pouted at me as I giggled before joining in. We ended up cuddling up on our new couch and watching some old show I remembered from when I was alive until she fell asleep,

~刀愛~

Returning home from a grocery trip was somehow exciting now, I suppose that's what 18 years of death will do to a woman. What wasn’t exciting was a strange woman with a regal soul standing in front of our apartment door, especially after such a good trip! We’d even run into Detective Ryuki and the Kuranushis and Shishi swore she spotted the sad man from the warehouse being dragged along by a girl her age. The strange woman turned on her heel and blinked in surprise when she saw us. I recognized her slowly as Ophelia. “Ah, you two were out. I had assumed I was being ignored.” She walked over towards us, her heels clicking against the walkway, and bent down to meet Shishi’s eyes. “You’ve grown quite nicely, my child.” Shishi flinched away as she reached out to touch her.

“Sweetheart, why don’t you go unlock the door for mommy?” She ran past the older woman and opened the door. I quickly followed after.

"I suppose I am being ignored." Her tone was level.

"You ignored Shishi for 12 years, you can wait until we put away our groceries." Mine was rude and I instantly felt bad. “Sorry that was uncalled for, please come in and give us a moment to put everything away.”

“You are completely within your right to call me out dear, I should’ve made a better effort to see my own birth child.” She stepped into the apartment after me and slipped off her shoes. “Pardon my intrusion. I’m glad she’s doing well and I’m sorry for both of your loss. I can’t imagine losing a lover or a father.”

“Me and Saito weren’t together, it’s a long story as to why I’m watching over Shishi.” I sighed while setting down all 6 of our reusable bags. “I did date So for a while so that’s how I know the family, let’s leave it at that.”

To my surprise she nodded in understanding, “The Sejimas seem a nightmare household overall.” She began helping me put things away. “I’ll lay out exactly why I’ve come to visit you two today. I’d like to be involved in Shirakira’s life moving forward, I’d like to make up for lost time with her, and a 3rd thing I’d like to discuss between just me and you, Monaca. Speaking of making up for lost time, I brought a present with me.” She pulled a box from her suitcase and handed it to Shishi, who put down the bag of toys and candy I bought her gently on the counter. She tore into the packaging and pulled out a fluffy winter dress that was navy blue with white highlights.

“Can I wear it now?” I nodded and she scurried off to her room.

“Well I suppose that gives us a brief moment to talk. I want to give her a trial run as a model.” I stared at her for a few seconds. “Clothes like the ones I just gave her. I’d also be on set with her at all times and cover any expenses like snacks and transport.”

I thought for a moment before answering, “I’ll let Shishi decide if she wants to.” She nodded in understanding and sat at the counter. Shishi emerged from her room and walked as fast as I’d let her indoors and twirled into the room. She was adorable, like a little snow fairy. “Well aren’t you just the cutest Shishi!” I picked her up and twirled with her a bit before settling her on my hip.

“You are quite strong Monaca.” Ophelia looked and sounded quite impressed. “So, Shirakira, how do you feel about modeling cute clothes like that for money?”

“I could give it a shot.” She tried to swing her legs but ended up just bumping my stomach lightly. “There are lots of things I want to try now that we live on our own!”

“Have you considered dance or swim? You have the legs for it, probably from me. Let me take a few pictures of you dear.” Shishi taps my arm and I put her down and Ophelia begins giving her instructions on how to pose while taking pictures. Once the two finish up Shishi looks quite happy. “I suppose I should get going and find a hotel, the place I am staying won’t be ready til tomorrow.” She moved to stand but I stopped her. Shishi had run back to her room to change back into normal clothes.

“How about you spend the night here, you can have dinner with us.” I still felt bad for snapping at her earlier.

“Thank you for your hospitality and once more pardon my intrusion. Since I am intruding I’d like to purchase you both dinner.” She pulled out her phone. “Any preferences?”

Shishi burst from her room in one of Saito’s old shirts. “I want sushishi!” She giggled at her own pun as she walked into the living area. Getting her medicine dose just right was apparently going to be hard so she had high highs and deeper lows until we got it dialed in. ABIS apparently had a way to do it automatically but it’d involve removing one of Shishi’s eyes so I said no. “Well I don’t actually know what I want, I just wanted to say that.” She hopped up on her stool and swung her legs lightly and I did a quick discrete peek to make sure she remembered her panties, she had.

“How about something homely then?” Shishi and I nodded as she pulled out her phone. “Shirakira, never diet okay. It isn’t worth it. Just enjoy good food.” She spoke with so much authority that even I was nodding. “I’ve just seen so many people lose their lives over trying to achieve or maintain impossible bodies.” She looked very upset so I decided to give her a hug. “Thank you, I needed that. How about we go watch some tv while we wait for our food to arrive?”

I nodded and we all made our way over to the living room. It wasn’t really a room owing to the open floor plan but there wasn’t a better term for it. Shishi sat near me and pulled out one of the toys she had gotten, a rhino themed building set, and started putting it together as me and Ophelia watched some show I wasn’t really all that into and neither was she as we seemed to just zone out. She offered to take us to breakfast tomorrow at a cafe she liked and I accepted. We also exchanged contact info and she sent me some of her family recipes. Once the food arrived Ophelia got up gracefully and I changed the channel to some anime Shishi liked.

Ophelia quickly distributed the food. "Surprised you let her watch something so violent."

"She's seen enough real world violence that this probably doesn't phase her." She nodded and we ate in a comfortable silence only punctuated by Shishi oohing and aahing over her show. Once the episode was done, she didn't care for the show that aired after, and after the food was gone they began talking about whatever Shishi liked. It was mostly whatever girls' love manga she was currently into, rhinos and how they are the coolest animal, and knives. Ophelia mentioned her favorite animal was bats. They talked till it was bedtime for Shishi.

"So told me she wasn't very talkative but I have a feeling that's just for him." The older woman chuckled. "So she really likes girls' love, do you think she's a lesbian?"

"Well I don't want to be presumptuous but yes I do, especially because she tunes out during non-lesbian romance scenes whenever we watch something." She hummed in understanding.

"I hope she finds a cute girl then. I also have to ask about the knife obsession and her nickname."

"A knife is one of the few things Saito left behind when he disappeared six years ago and little Shishi wanted to learn how to use her, she named the knife, so studied everything she could about knife care and knives themself." I smiled fondly as I spoke. "Her nickname is just because I think it sounds cute. Everyone else she knows uses the nickname Saito gave her when she was 3, Saikuro." She nodded and stretched.

"Jet lag is catching up, I'm going to bed." She yawned and headed towards the guest room. "For what it's worth, Monaca, I think you are doing a great job as Kira's mother." With that she slipped into her room, leaving me with a warm blush. I decided to update my personal blog and head to bed a little early too.

~刀愛~

Today was the day I'd been dreading, Hitomi would be visiting. Originally Ophelia was going to be here but there was a company emergency. I steeled my nerves and looked over at Shishi, she’d been doing much better lately, who was shadow boxing. Pewter had suggested finding her an outlet for potential violent desires and we had settled on boxing. A knock at the door pulled Shishi out of her fun, “I’ll get it!” She sped off as fast as I’d allow her. “Hello Miss Sagan!”

“Hello, you must be Shirakira.” A beat passed, Her voice was as sweet as ever. “Is your mom home right now?”

“Mommy’s home but mother had a work emergency.”

“Are they divorced?”

“Mommy adopted me but mother gave birth to me, I just met her.”

“I guess that makes sense. Pardon my…” Tomi stared at me as she entered the living room. “Manaka…? I just cremated you…” She stumbled or passed out or something and I rushed over to grab her before she hit the ground, pulling her into a princess carry, and taking her towards the couch.

I looked down at her and was super worried, she looked dazed as she stared up at me. “Tomi, are you alright? Can you hear me?” Shishi was right on my heels.

“Mommy didn’t you say you were only going to call her Miss Sagan?” This was all an unmitigated disaster and I started panicking. I paced around nervously, bouncing from heel to heel in worry. “Why is Miss Sagan floating?” My eyes snapped back to Tomi who I’d apparently let go of in my panic. She was just floating where I’d last held her with two ghostly copies of my hands supporting her. I quickly sat her down on the couch and sat next to her. She laid down and used my lap as a pillow so I decided to start gently petting her while explaining what happened to me.

She cuddled closer to me during the story and nearly two decades of an unresolved crush welled up inside me but I bit it back and instead asked, “So, how is Iris doing these days?”

“She’s having surgery today for her brain cancer, So covered the costs. No wonder Date likes this so much…" She nuzzled her face into my squishy thighs.

"I guess yelling at him did something…" I mumbled under my breath.

"Sorry my daddy tried to shoot you Miss Sagan." Shishi sounded so earnest as she tried to apologize on the behalf of her dad.

"Oh, you don't need to apologize for that." Hitomi ruffled her hair lightly. "I should apologize to Manaka for crushing on someone in Saito's body."

"I don't mind, as long as they make you happy." I scratched behind her ear. "Do you want to stay for lunch?" She sat up and nodded. I got up with Shishi trotting after me into the kitchen. She pulled out some of her pre-chopped ingredients and started making something. She’d always surprise me with some recipe she saw on whatever cooking show she’d catch. I just made one of the recipes Ophelia sent over and put it in the oven quickly to get out of her way. Tomi had moved over to one of the stools and I sat beside her. We watched Shishi cook excitedly, her hair done up like Saito used to do his.

“You know my boyfriend was in Saito’s body for a while, he’s been struggling with coming to terms with his old body.” I put a hand on her thigh and gestured for to continue. “Despite having all his old memories back he still perceives Saito’s body as his old one and has been slowly styling himself to look more like it, growing out his hair for example. It’s weird watching him try to remodel himself as the man who nearly killed me but I just can’t bring myself to mind. I knew Date in that body longer than Saito in that body plus Date is just so cute I can’t help myself. He meows when I give him head pats, Manaka, it’s adorable! I don’t think I’d find his antics endearing if it wasn’t him.” She gave that serene smile I loved as she thought about her boyfriend. “We aren’t officially dating though, we just cuddle sometimes. I think I prefer it that way.”

“I wouldn’t mind a cuddle buddy, I’ve had a 18 year dry spell.” I laughed at my own joke and Tomi gave me a weird look.

“Well you could always join us, or just me if you… Thinking about it I think Date would be the uncomfortable one, he is horrified of ghosts.” I nodded and smiled and pondered her offer.

“That sounds lovely Tomi.” The oven dinged signaling it was time for me to pull out the popovers and poke their tops with a toothpick to let out all the steam. Shishi had also finished up her dish which smelled wonderful. We all dug in and it tasted better than it smelled. Me and Tomi talked about school for a bit. It was so nice just being able to talk to Hitomi again! Once we finished lunch we had a lot of leftovers so I decided to send her off with them.

As me and Shishi waved Tomi off Shishi looked up at me, “Do we wanna talk about the ghost hand thing?”

“I’ll figure it out later.”

~刀愛~喝采~刀愛~

Ophelia had been very nice in organizing a big graduation party for Shishi and her friends alongside the Sekiba girls like Iris. Moma had volunteered to help transport the soon to be middle schoolers and me to the place Ophelia had rented out for the day. Azami Oishi was sitting between us and wiggling excitedly while the other three girls were all sitting in the back, Zuki and Shomi flanking Shishi. Shomi had recently come out as a trans girl and was quickly dragged into every girl's night, including last night's sleepover. It went well with the biggest issue apparently being Shishi being very clingy in her sleep to the point Mizuki had a sleepy cutey attached to her until said sleepy cutey woke up.

“Shomi, why are you wearing a dress today?” Shishi had a penchant for saying odd things.

“Shishi…” She was fine with Shomi’s transition but still I worried.

“I mean she should be in a skirt!” I breathed a sigh of relief as Moma chuckled. “Her dress is going to get all gross when we're crawling around and stuff!”

“Ophelia picked it out for me to wear, plus I don’t have any skirts yet.” Shomi spoke softly and gave Shishi a smile just as soft.

“Mother is quite odd, isn’t she?” She started tilting her head side to side with Zuki and Shomi preventing her from straining her neck. Shomi hummed in agreement.

I glanced at each of the girls. Azami was in one of the many “Mama’s girl!” shirts she owned with hair fluffed in such a way it looked like she had dog ears or maybe wolf ears considering her golden eyes. She was the oddest of the group build wise with proportions that made me think of a puppy that just hadn’t finished growing into its paws. Shishi was in her colorful workout clothes and had begun her struggles with puberty, she and Ophelia had just gotten her first bra, and had a simple gray skirt over her spats. Zuki was in her standard outfit sans her usual yellow jacket. I'd gotten quite used to seeing her as she and Shishi had become fast friends after Shishi stood up for her and Shomi. Shomi was in an adorable spring time dress that Ophelia definitely hand picked to match her. We finally arrived at the place and noticed Ophelia, Komeji, Mama, Amame, and a few others were already there setting up.

Shomi stumbled as she exited the truck, still not used to heels and dresses, and was quickly scooped up by Azami. She had become the princess of the group and the other three her loyal knights, it was kind of adorable, and with Azami being the biggest she was usually carried by her. “I carry you so you not trip!” Her broken Japanese, while cute, always worried me. Mama and Hitomi assured me that it was only when she was excited and that when she put a little focus in she spoke at a solid level, Tomi had even shown me some of her writing and it was really good.

Shomi received some light teasing from her dad about how she was pulling in girls as Ophelia slid up to me as I and Moma carried the girls presents in. “Shomi is really coming into her own isn’t she?” Ophelia and Komeji had started dating around the start of the new year and she was half of the young girl's awakening. The other half was Shishi wanting to practice makeup but getting bored of always doing it on Zuki so she convinced Shomi to let her try on her. The picture of the three all dolled up was still Ophelia’s lock screen. I nodded in agreement and she slid back over to continue helping with prep. The girls and Moma had joined in on prep so I took up my station as the greeter.

Date and Hitomi were the 1st to arrive with Iris in tow. Iris didn’t know me and So were her birth parents still and me and Hitomi planned on keeping it that way however we did tell her I was an undead and she just thought it was the coolest because of that fact. I’d met Date at Misetan when shopping with Shishi one day and he let out a piercing scream when he saw me because he simultaneously thought I was a ghost and that Iris had somehow gotten very chubby in the few seconds he wasn’t looking at her. That was also when I met Iris who came running over to see why he’d screamed. He hadn't gotten his mask yet so I got to appreciate the face and voice of the man Tomi fell in love with, he seemed nice if a little weird. He was definitely more than a little weird as the first thing he did when he visited me one on one was try and fail miserably to discreetly smell my shoes. I gave Tomi and Iris a big hug while giving Date a ghostly butt pinch to hurry him along.

Boss and Quartz, she still thought it sounded cool, were next to arrive and they brought along a special guest in Ruby Nadami. I had been told she was short but I wasn’t expecting her to be carriably small considering she was sleeping in Quartzes arms. Boss gives me a big hug. “Sorry Rubys asleep, she was up late working on commissions or something and is still tired. She should be up-'' A yawn interrupted her as Ruby peered at me, and I felt the almost overwhelming sadness inside her. I think she mumbled something to the effect of ‘Good morning Iris’ before closing her eyes again and burying her face into the crook of Quartz's neck before being passed over to Boss. I thought of Shirakira as a toddler as Boss cooed at the barely awake diminutive teen. I also wanted to baby her for some reason, it almost felt like she needed it.

The 3rd to arrive was Pewter and Rosé with an odd addition, a powerful looking woman with purple hair and a melancholic vibe. Rosé began helping Quartz cart in art supplies for Ruby. Pewter approaches me to introduce the strange woman. “Monaca, this is Tokiko Shigure.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Miss Shigure, you must be Rosé’s mom.” I gave a small bow which she returned.

“I’m actually her aunt. It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss Iwai.” I tensed when she mentioned my real name. “I’d love to speak with you in private about your… condition.” I nodded and she handed me a business card before gliding on in. She was scary that was for sure.

The final arrival was Lien and Kizuna. I didn’t know much about Kizuna other than she and my daughter got in fights over Lien. Shishi thought he deserved better than a woman who’d put him through a six year trial for no reason and Kizuna just seemed entirely unfamiliar with the concept of someone not liking her. I could never tell if the two genuinely did not like each other or it was more light-hearted than that. Lien went in first to help out with everyone and see his ‘little sister’ as Kizzy approached me. “Hello, Miss Daoai! The kids have been asking about you.” Sometimes I’d volunteer at the orphanage her father ran.

“You know how scheduling can be Kizuna, I’ll try and make time soon. By the way, where is your dad?” I loved working at Aoien but did not get along with Riichi and was secretly glad he wasn’t here.

“He didn’t want me to come so Lien brought me instead.” Lien waved at me so I waved back as Kizuna stepped inside. That should be everyone so I followed on in. I saw Amame being chatted up by Tokiko and she seemed to be in good spirits, I was glad. Her birth mom pitched a fit when Shomi and Amame came out together as lesbians so she’d ended up living with Ophelia. Iris was with her little posse of fanboys and ABIS were all talking amongst themselves. Hitomi and Ophelia had seemed to hit it off and Komeji seemed to just enjoy being in his girlfriend's company. Ruby and Rosé were hanging out with each other and Rosé gave Ruby a tablet.

Since everyone was here and the presents, mostly for the pre-teens, were seeming to draw attention it was decided the gift exchange would go first. The pre-teens were given graduation themed Ado plushes by their respective older sisters; Quartz giving Mizuki Adorabbit, Rosé giving Azami Adowoo, Amame giving Shomi Adorooster, and Iris giving Shishi Adorhino. Kizuna and Ruby awkwardly sat next to each other during the exchange.

Next the pre-teens exchanged amongst themselves. Azami gave everyone bag charms that matched the plushie they'd just been given, to solidify their bond and show solidarity amongst themselves. I’m pretty sure her hair ears twitched in excitement. Shishi handed out equally matching Ado themed outfits, including an Adorooster skirt to Shomi who was quickly whisked to the bathroom by Azami to change into her new clothes. Her blush was bright when she stepped out to coos from Ophelia, Mama, and myself. Mizuki seemed to have splurged a little and got everyone something focused on one of their special interests, a cookbook for Shishi, a higher end toolset for Shomi, and to my surprise, weapon accessories for Azami. I was quickly reassured that it was for Airsoft and other toy guns.

Shomi was last and had apparently machined and put together everyone's gifts with help from Tokiko, Pewter, and Rosé. Azami hefted up a new toy rifle and excitedly put on the sight Mizuki gave her, taking aim at a willing Moma who looked to be in a bit of genuine pain when the foam dart struck him. Mizuki hefted her new pipe and tapped it against her palm before taking a few practice swings; it even had her name engraved into it! Shishi was excitedly twirling her practice balisong with a mischievous glint in her eye. She couldn’t hurt anyone with it but it did look like the real deal. Shomi was quickly squished in a group hug.

The pre-teens ran off into the playground, Azami leaving her new tail and ear hat behind, while the teens headed over to the arcade. Ruby followed after them and I joined in, happy to watch over the kids with Ophelia, Date, and a reluctant Moma. Mama was prepping and setting up food with help from Ota. Eventually everyone got back together for food. Shishi and Azami ended up next to each other providing an amusing contrast as one tore through her food like a canine, fitting with her redonned hat with the wolf ears, and the other was using plastic silverware to eat chicken nuggets. At least she wasn't violently stabbing her food this time. Once they all finished eating everyone decided they wanted to get some points for the prize counter, except Rosé and Ruby who Boss volunteered to watch over. Before following after Shishi I had to ask Boss about Ruby. As soon as the toddling girl was out of sight I asked, “So, how old is Ruby?”

“She’s 18, she’d be joining the Sekiba graduates if she ever attended school.” I must have pulled a face because she quickly explained. “Shoko adopted her around when she was 15.” I nodded in understanding and headed back to Shishi and the others.

~Shishi vs Kizuna~

When I got back to her she and Kizuna were facing off over some dance game, warming up with Invincible Rainbow Arrow, and it seemed like all of Shishi’s dance and boxing lessons were paying off with how fleet footed she was. Kizuna was no slouch either and definitely had the bigger cheer squad. I don’t even know where Lien got the Kizuna t-shirt from. Mizuki and I were the only ones rooting for poor Shishi. Iris was staying neutral and just happy to have her song on a dance machine. They managed to get tied perfect scores and decided to play the hardest song on the highest difficulty.

The match was a blur of lights, sounds, and legs. By the last tricky beat Shishi was well ahead as indicated by the flashing ‘Perfect’ on her screen. Not that the victor truly mattered with Lien rushing off to get Kizuna water and the rest of her cheerleaders congratulating her on such a high score. Mizuki put in Shishi’s name for her on the results screen before the poor dear collapsed right into Mizuki’s strong arms to be rushed off to Mama for something cold to drink. I collected Shishi’s point card for her. I decided that Mizuki could handle Shishi for now.

~The Endas and friends~

The next group I checked in on was the one forming around Shomi, they were all cheering her on as she played some motorbike racing game. Well almost all, Tokiko was stoic like a statue watching her play. Amame and Ophelia however were playing the role of cheerleader well. Komeji was off helping Mama and Pewter with cleaning up. As Shomi finished the race she relaxed on the fake bike and Tokiko spoke up, “You know I used to be an arcade queen, before…” She just let her sentence trail off.

Ophelia looked her up and down and nodded, “I can see it.”

Tokiko tilted her head, “See… it? I believe we are using different definitions here, Miss Rosenburg.”

She blinked a few times and understanding dawned on her face, “Oh you meant you played arcade games, you weren’t a girl being paid to hang off grody losers.” We all stared at her for a second before she clarified. “They weren’t losers because they gamed, they were losers because they didn’t understand personal boundaries, leered at me like I was meat, and clearly had only ever socialized with their mom.” She looked like she wanted to tack on more but couldn’t due to sensitive ears.

Amame nodded in solidarity, “Some of the customers at SunPoke were like that.” She’d ended up quitting her job at Renju’s maid cafe around the same time she and Shomi came out. Tokiko had hired her after, maybe that’s what they talked about earlier.

“Back to my original point, I’d like to challenge Shomi to a racing game.” Tokiko pulled out a credit and Shomi started nodding enthusiastically. “Preferably not a motorcycle one, not only I do not think I can handle a near full body controller but I am not exactly interested in…” She considered her words carefully, “Showing off my assets knowing what company we have.”

Ophelia eyed the controller a second and nodded. “Whoever designed these either never expected women to ride it, especially those in skirts.” She tugged down Shomi’s skirt quickly and whispered, “It was riding up sweetheart, I don’t think any of your crushes saw though.” and quickly returned to normal speaking volume. “Or made it so they could really ogle rears. For some reason I think it’s the former considering the lack of chest space.”

Shomi blushed bright red and scurried over to one of the seated racers with everyone else following behind at a relaxed pace. She and Tokiko settled into and reviewed the controls. “I was certainly more into fighting games and platformers in my youth than racers but this seems simple enough.” Cool confidence oozed off Tokiko. Ophelia draped herself over her seat with practiced grace as Amame just stood next to Shomi’s machine. “I was more androgynous back then so lots of girls would flirt with me at the arcade.”

“Wouldn’t mind playing a fighter with you, Toki.” Ophelia smirked and closed one eye. “Just because I wasn’t playing back then didn’t mean I never picked up anything. Pretty sure I saw some classics.” Both chuckled at each other.

“I have a feeling you’re selling yourself short.” Tokiko smiled back at her, a real one.

I lightly elbowed Amame and whispered, “Are they flirting?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t flirted with someone honestly before.” She whispered back.

“Also Isn’t Ophelia dating your dad?”

“It’s an open relationship I think.” I nodded in understanding as the race began. Shomi pulled out in front early but most of it was neck and neck until the last lap where Tokiko pulled ahead and managed to win. Komeji made his way over and joined up with us, Ophelia quickly leaning on him instead of Tokikos chair. Not that I think he minded. I saw myself out with a smile and an excuse and decided to go check on Shishi. I passed by Hitomi playing some space shooter while Date and Aiba cheered her on. I found Shishi nursing a slushie and watching Azami play something and decided to see what Quartz was up to instead.

~Strong Girls~

She and Mizuki were at the batting cages, this place just seemed to have everything, trying to prove which was stronger. The answer, not that they’d ever ask me, was Mizuki was stronger but Quartz had more control. I was confident I was 3rd place in the strength department due to my supernatural nature. I would’ve joined in but they hadn’t seemed to notice me and were having a moment. Eventually the two noticed my presence and waved.

“Hi Miss Daoai!” Mizuki smiled politely.

“Hey Monaca.” Quartz had been trying on a cool delinquent persona recently and really wasn’t pulling it off with those pigtail braids. If she had her mask she seemed more able to pull off an aloof persona however.

“Why do you get to call her Monaca?” Mizuki pouted as she looked up at Quartz.

“Because I’m an adult.” She puffed out her chest.

They bickered back and forth a bit until I said, “If you really want to, you can call me Manaka, Mizuki.” Which seemed to calm her down. The two still wanted to have their contest of strength but decided to move onto other things and I decided to tag along. They went through all the games that didn’t use controllers or luck and instead relied on some level of athleticism, I may have cheated at skeeball with my ghost magic, and ended up at the strength tester. Date had also joined us by now and looked worried. All 3 of us threw a punch and maxed out the machine. Date and Aiba also gave it a shot with the little robot hamster somehow outscoring the trained ex-hitman. They all headed back off to do their own things and I noticed an Adorabbit photo booth and decided to go get Shishi.

~Flower Power~

She was still watching Azami play some lightgun game, slushie long since discarded. Azami for her part was hyper focused on the game and being cheered on by Moma and Mama and basically everyone. She was on the final stretch of the game, from what I could tell, and Iris decided to jump in with hoots and hollers from her entourage and the Date’s. I swear Azami’s ears and tails were twitching like the real deal, aided by the fact that the wolf ears on her hat had the same color as her hair. As they entered the final boss I looked over at Shishi who seemed more interested in the on-screen violence than her friends skills.

It was strange that Shishi seemed entirely uninterested in almost everything; she played ShovelForge, any video games her friends played but would sit there enthralled whenever they played something with violence. The look she got when she saw violence reminded me too much of Saito. Cheers erupted around me and I was pulled from my thoughts and looked over at the game, the final boss was defeated. Azami looked very proud of herself and Iris looked a little tuckered out. Everyone began talking about laser tag, I was personally uninterested but Shishi was perking up a bit.

I decided to go relieve Boss of her babysitting duties and take over watching the two little cuties. I was given the run down on Ruby care because after 15 years of abuse and whatever bullshit Shoko and Saito put her through, it was apparently less awful than her birth parents, she needed special treatment. Boss waved as she headed over to the laser tag arena and two tired diminutive teens approached me. Rosé flopped down on a big foam chunk that’d fallen out of the foam pit and pulled out a tablet to fiddle with and Ruby was sleepily stumbling towards me. I scooped her up and she nuzzled into my chest before falling asleep.

~Tiny Tricksters~

After a very short nap Ruby woke up and Rosé was feeling well rested enough to get off her temporary foam bed. Ruby was still feeling small so I carried her as Rosé dragged me to the arcade to run through all the skill games and ‘cheese all the points she could’ as she put it. Ruby tapped my arm lightly as we passed the bathrooms, according to Boss this was ‘RuRu for ‘let me down please and thank you, I am very tired of you holding me and would like to toddle off on my own’’. She never did explain why it was specifically RuRu and I hadn’t asked. I set her down and she sped off to the bathroom.

Rosé went on ahead as I waited for Ruby. Once she came toddling back out she lifted her arms at me, RuRu for ‘uppies’ apparently, so I scooped her right on up and hunted down Rosé. She was playing some skill games and doing quite well. I was pretty sure she was rigging them in her favor somehow. Once she got bored and Ruby wanted to be put back down to stand next to her friend we moved onto claw machines. Rosé quickly ran me through all the tips and tricks she could on them and I just shoved a ghost hand into the machine and grabbed one of the toys to demonstrate I could cheat just fine. I decided to play legitimately.

I noticed Shishi’s presence nearby and looked over to where it was emanating from. She and Rosé were standing there silently staring at each other and just vaguely gesturing and rocking back and forth. Eventually Rosé went towards the laser tag arena with Ruby heading towards the spectators area.

~Prizes and Pictures~

Shishi stood next to me and was rocking back and forth on her heels. I had no idea what happened in the laser tag arena but it’d clearly overwhelmed her so I pulled out the balisong that Shomi made for her and handed it over. She silently stimmed with it for a while before looking at the claw machines and jabbing her finger against one, pointing out a little rhino figure. I decided to teach her some of the tricks Rosé taught me and she burned a few credits on winning it. Her eyes were wide as she stared at it and she held it close. She handed it to me for safekeeping and I decided to guide us over to the photobooth.

Adorhino was chosen as our theme as we sat down and took some pictures. She did her best to smile for the pictures as I held her. Once she realized she could decorate them her smiles seemed a little more genuine and she excitedly began to work on her perfect picture. One of the stamps we got was shoved in her pocket and I collected the rest. Shishi was still rocking a little and leaning on me as I headed towards the prize kiosk to have her pick out a few. She pointed at an oversized martini glass and nothing else until I selected it which seemed to satisfy her enough to wander off by her lonesome. I picked out a few other things including a teether probably meant for babies shaped like a rhino, she chewed to focus, and a few trinkets to put in her new silly glass.

I decided to play a few more games and use up most of my, well her, credits and give her some alone time. Chatting grabbed my attention and I realized all the adults were filtering out of the laser tag arena with a few heading up to the observation area. I decided to join them for now. Watching over the game I came to two conclusions: Quartz and Rosé were absolutely cheating and Azami and Shomi were cheating better. At least I assume carrying someone on your shoulders while wielding their blaster was considered cheating, Rosé at least had the decency to just be using Quartz as an elevated position but Azami had both she and Shomi’s gun in hand.

Looking over the scoreboard and teams it became very clear how effective this was. Purple team, consisting of Azami and Shomi, was in first followed by pink team, Quartz and Rosé, in second. In a distant third was blue team, the oddest team with Amame and Mizuki, with red team, Kizuna and Iris, being in an even more distant fourth. In dead last was yellow team with Lien and Ota probably unwilling to shoot their crushes. The game came to a close and everyone dispersed and I noticed Shishi over by the photo booths again and watched as she waved over Mizuki. I summoned a ghostly ear and sent it over towards the booth so I could listen in on them.

“Want to take a picture together Kira?” Mizuki’s voice was as cheerful as always. Shishi just made a noise of acknowledgement and I could picture the oddly shifty look she’d have about now. “Want me to handle everything?” Another positive noise. “Is Adorabbit okay?” A slightly more enthusiastic noise. I dismissed the ear at this point and began to mill about. Hitomi and Iris both ended up asking for pictures with me and I was more than happy to oblige, even get one with all three of us. Shishi had disappeared again by the time I finished up with them.

I began making arrangements on how to get our stuff home, Moma volunteering to drop off our things at home. He had a key to the apartment because he babysat Shishi sometimes. I finished up getting prizes I wanted and used a few spare credits so others could get their group photos. It was winding down and I knew Shishi would probably want to visit Saito’s shrine today so decided to call a cab. I called for my daughter and she appeared next to me, “You called for me, so I appeared!” She smiled up at me and looked much happier than earlier. I held her hand as we headed out to the cab, life was good.

~参拝/🕱/遺灰~

Me and Manaka stepped into the chemical plant Daddy left me and started up the stairs. I was clutching one of the pictures we took in one hand and a cheap toy rhino in the other. I set the rhino near his urn, the collection of trinkets and things I’d ‘gifted’ him ever growing, and pasted the picture onto it so we’d always be with him. We lit sparklers over the urn and I refused to let mine go until it had burned out.

“Hey Daddy, it’s been awhile..” The last time we saw him was on his birthday where we threw him a little party. I started babbling about everything that happened since then like me graduating elementary school and the big party we’d just had. Eventually my babbling became blubbering until I was openly sobbing and Mommy had to pick me up. Between hiccups and sobs I heard her soothing voice and slowly relaxed into her. She carried me out to the waiting taxi so we could go home and relax. I rested against her and tried to sort through my feelings for the millionth time and came up blank again. I hoped life would be good to me.

Notes:

the entire section with everyone celebrating the graduates feels almost 2 fanficy for me but it's also aitsf where everyone gets together to do a dance number where they all almost fucking died so who cares. also Trans Shoma Agenda.

Notes:

Local very soft and cute bat girl is in fact still looking for betas!
feel free to contact me on Discord (xynohophelia) or tumblr (voidofhophelia)

i'm not sure how I feel about this work despite working on it for over a month.