Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Chapter Text
“Most people have left already. I don’t know which group I’m going to join… I was one of the ones that wanted to go after the smuggler and the girl. They said… Even if we found her, or by some miracle found someone else that’s immune, it’d make no difference. ‘Cause the only person who could develop a vaccine is dead.”
Ellie sat on that boulder outside the Salt Lake City Hospital playing, stopping, rewinding, and replaying that recording over and over again trying to understand. Trying to force the lies to fit together with reality. Trying to create a world where both the lies and this recording are somehow true. But she knew the truth was in the tape in her hands and the more she tried to force the lies to fit, the more tears welled in her eyes and her breathing became labored. She could barely see her horse, Shimmer, grazing in front of her.
Ellie slid off the boulder, the recorder fell from her hands still playing the words that twisted her heart in two, “ Even if we found her, or by some miracle found someone else that’s immune…”.
It was becoming impossible for her to get enough air into her lungs, with each attempt it felt like a hand was gripping at her lungs, squeezing and twisting, harder and harder until the pain was almost too much to bear. Digging her hand into the solid ground helps, the cool earth between her fingers centers her and allows air to finally enter her lungs, easier now that she is crouched over with her knees to her chest.
For a moment, Ellie wonders if she could just stay there folded over into a ball infinitely, but Shimmer has come over sniffing at the hairs on the back of Ellie’s neck and she knows that she can’t be a ball forever, if not for her own well being then for the well being of her horse.
“Hey girl,” Ellie whispers, rolling over to her back to easily pet Shimmer’s wet nose.
Ellie looks at the recording an arms length away. It had finally run its course, the tape just spinning with no sound coming out.
Ellie grabs it, sitting up with her back to the boulder. She stares at the recorder in her hands long after she turned it off.
Shimmer is still close by like she knows her rider is in need of comfort, bobbing her head up and down close to her face as if to say, it will all be ok, I’m here.
“Thanks Shimmer.” Ellie says standing to pat the horse's head. The morning light hits Ellie’s eyes making her squint just to be able to see where she is placing her hands. The sun had moved quite a bit since she made it to the hospital early this morning.
Ellie had left late at night and rode for two days to get here, only stopping to rest the horse a bit and to sleep for a few hours. Even if Joel had noticed she was gone right when he got up and came after her, she should still have a few hours before he caught up to her.
But, she had been careful for this trip. More careful than she has probably ever been in her life.
She packed her bag a week before she planned to leave. She told Maria that she needed a day of the rotations and because Ellie had been working non-stop for a month beforehand Maria insisted that Ellie take an extra day.
Joel was a bit harder to shake, but not impossible. Living in the garage helped and she knew generally when he went to bed, but he was insistent that they have breakfast together every morning and playing sick would just turn him into a mother hen.
So, one day before her trip she let him catch sight of the unfinished tattoo that Cat was doing for her over the chemical burn hiding her bite scar.
Thinking back on the day Joel probably didn’t care about the tattoo one way or the other, but all he had to do was pause the coffee mug on the way to his lips and Ellie had the opening she needed to pick a fight, not let him talk and storm out the door ready for her group patrol with Jessie and a few other Jackson residents.
On the rare occasions that they did argue, Joel usually lets her be for a few days until she decides to walk back into the living room one evening, put on a stupid action movie, and plop down onto the couch where they both proceed to pretend the fight never happened and they can both make fun of the cheesiness of whatever movie she put on.
The fights were always stupid to begin with, like not being allowed to go on patrol two days in a row, being stuck on farm rotation for a month, or not wanting to watch Curtis and Viper 2 again. All things that can be easily swept away and not talked about again.
One thing Ellie knew for sure was that she can not just go back to Jackson and pretend this never happened, not after everything she learned in that recording.
Not only did Joel lie to her face for two fucking years every time she asked him about Salt Lake City, but he also must have killed a large percentage of the Fireflies in this hospital just to get to her. This is not that surprising; she had seen him kill before, helped him kill before, but in all those times, everything they did was to get her here.
To get her to the Fireflies and then at the end to not only have it be for nothing, but for there to not even be a chance anymore because Joel had to go and kill the Doctor too. What was he thinking? Why did he do it? She had so many questions to ask them when she got here. She still does.
Nothing made any sense anymore and going back to Jackson wont answer any of her questions.
Ellie looks down at the recording and rewinds it one last time.
"Most people have left already. I don’t know which group I’m going to join…” Stop.
Most people… which group I’m going to join. Ellie's head is starting to hurt, but one thing keeps her focused.
The Fireflies could still be out there. Or at least a fracture of them. The recording said they didn't know which group to join, that should mean that there was more than one group that the survivors of Salt Lake could have joined.
Running back into the Hospital and up to the room where she found the recorder she starts to look for any sign, any clue as to where they could have gone. Maybe whichever Doctor Joel killed was not the only one that could make the vaccine. Maybe there is still some kind of hope. Some kind of answer she could get to all of her questions. But first she has to find something, some note or another recording, something anything to tell her where to go or at least a direction to follow.
Ellie’s eyes ache with unshed tears. She can't cry again; she has to keep looking. Frustrated, she falls to the ground again and hits the floor with her fist. She welcomes the pain as it shoots up her arm. In her new position, she can see clearly under the bed and right there, just out of sight to anyone walking through the room is a crumpled up piece of paper.
Ellie reaches for it with her hurt hand. Laugher bubbles up her throat when she reads what is written.
She almost can’t believe it, well at least she has a direction to start heading in. Even if she wishes it didn’t come in the form of an embarrassing love confession.
God I hope whoever wrote that never actually confessed to this Owen guy. Ellie thinks as she walks back out of the Hospital sliding the note into her journal. Or at least that the note made it through a few more revision because holy fuck was that bad.
With a destination in mind Ellie feels lighter. She will find the survivors of Salt Lake City, she will get a chance to ask her questions, and maybe somehow she will find some way to help make a cure.
And this time she’ll do it alone with no one there to stop her.
It has to mean something.
"Seattle here we come."
Chapter 2: Chapter 2
Summary:
Ellie finally makes it to Seattle, but who does she meet first?
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
In hindsight, maybe the whole setting off on an extended journey with no guaranteed end goal in sight, carrying only the supplies packed for a few days was not, in fact, the smartest decision Ellie Williams has ever made in her entire life.
It could have been anywhere between a few weeks to a few months since Ellie had first set off from the hospital in Salt Lake City. Although, Ellie could not say for certain, as she has not really been keeping track of the days as well as she should have been.
Ellie is pretty sure that no one from Jackson is tracking her.
Even if they were looking, there should be no way of knowing where she was going next even if they did make it out to the hospital and Ellie knows for certain that Joel’s first guess for where she would likely be is Salt Lake City. Especially after their disastrous trip to get new guitar strings.
So, before leaving the hospital, Ellie made sure to put the recorder in plain view of the front door, on that empty, bullet sprayed reception desk with a note underneath it addressed to Joel Miller. The note explains how she learned that he lied to her, that he broke the trust she had in him, that she doesn’t know if she can ever forgive him for what he did to the Fireflies, and that she can't go back to Jackson until she has finished what they started two years ago.
Hopefully, that is enough to make him return to Jackson and not come looking for her.
Although something, a little voice in the back of her head, tells her that is probably not the case, she just hopes that voice is wrong.
It took her longer to get to Seattle then she thought it would. After running into a hoard traveling through Boise, she was forced to hole up in the city for weeks. At least until they finally left the area enough for her to continue on her journey. But now, she was finally starting to see signs for Seattle along the highway.
“We are almost there, girl.” Ellie says, patting Shimmer's neck. Relief courses through her body as they make their way along the overgrown streets and the sun slowly begins its descent.
Now that the city was in view, new worries arose in Ellie’s mind.
Worries that Ellie had not given herself the time to dwell on. Like what if she gets there and no one is around? In hindsight, Ellie is probably placing a bit too much hope into a love note telling some guy that they want to kiss him when they get to Seattle.
There is really no guarantee that there are still people in Seattle at all. Ellie hasn’t run into anyone, not that she was trying to run into anyone. But two years is a long time, and even if the group from Salt Lake City did come here, there is no telling if they are still here.
And what if they are here? Should Ellie really just burst in and say, “Hey I know the guy I was with before killed a bunch of you, but this time I didn’t bring him so don't worry, that won’t happen again. Please stick me with your needles now.”
Ellie huffes out a gentle laugh just thinking about it.
“Yeah that is probably not a good thing to lead with, right Shimmer?” Ellie asks, rubbing her horse's mane. “And now I’ve completely lost it haven’t I? Talking to my horse like she’ll answer me.”
Shimmer rears her head back into Ellie’s hand.
“Welp come on, one last rest before we head in can’t hurt right? Who knows what we’ll find closer to the city and I’m running low on bullets anyways.”
Ellie slowly dismounts the horse and lends her quietly over to an abandoned house on the outskirts on the forest off the main road.
Leaving Shimmer to freely graze outside, Ellie checks that there are bullets in her rifle and pistol. After reloading each with the remaining bullets that she has, Ellie shoulders her rifle and bow and puts her pistol in its holder at her thigh.
Throwing some makeshift arrows into her bag, Ellie begins her check of the house for infected, crouching down and listening intently before heading in.
Two runners are weeping not far from the open door. Ellie makes quick work of one and then the other, stabbing them both in the neck and laying them gently on the ground before moving on to check the rest of the house. No more infected were loitering around, but Ellie did find some more bullets in a drawer in one of the upstairs bedrooms and an undented can of beans in the kitchen; she packs both away for later.
“Well that was easy.” Ellie says, looking down and dusting off her pants as she exits the house.
There, standing before her, are five people each in a dark brown cloak, hoods up to hide their faces. Four of them have arrows pointed directly at Ellie and one of them has Shimmer’s reins in their hands.
“Or not so easy.” Ellie mutters to herself.
“What are you doing here Wolf? You should not be in this forest.” One of the ones with an arrow pointed at her says. Ellie is not sure which one of them is speaking to her as they all kind of look the same with their hoods up.
“Last I checked I’m pretty sure I’m a girl not a wolf.” Ellie chuckles and the firing line tightens the string of their bows.
“Hey listen,” Ellie raises her hands into the air and the arrows follow. “I think we got off on the wrong foot here. That was a joke, ever heard of one?”
Silence.
Then chaos.
An arrow is let loose, deeply grazing Ellie’s left shoulder as she dives out of the way and back into the house. It could have been an accident, a slip of the finger on a hot, sweaty summer day, or it could have been deliberate, but it doesn’t matter because as soon as one arrow is let loose the rest soon follow.
“I’ll take that as a no then on the joke.” Ellie says more to herself than anyone else.
A sharp whistle pierces the air and Ellie can hear Shimmer stomping around. A peek outside the front window from the bottom of the dirty yellow curtains tells Ellie that four of them must be circling the building to try and sneak up on her, as she can only see one person with her horse out front.
Backing up from the door, Ellie crouches through the front room where the two infected bodies lay and up the staircase. The windows on the second floor were already broken before Ellie came and she can clearly see the hooded figures below, bows at the ready, doing exactly what she thought they would be doing.
“If you want to play at being sneaky then let's go motherfuckers.” Ellie whispers to herself, readying her bow. She checks to make sure her target is alone and lets the arrow fly, hitting him squarely in the head. She tries not to think about the sound of the arrow crunching through their skull.
She knows, logically, that if it was not them dead on the ground then it would be her, but that doesn’t make this feel any better. She had never killed a person with an arrow before, just animals and infected and as she watches the blood pool around their head, she doesn't know what she felt.
She is brought out of her head when another piercing whistle cuts through the air, this one different then the last. With a quick look up, Ellie reloads and releases another arrow into the throat of the next hooded figure before another whistle can escape their lips.
Ellie falls into a sort of rhythm as she takes down the other two that come rushing into the house, something that she is not proud of, but with four of these crazy motherfuckers down that just leaves the one by her horse to take care of and then she can leave this fucking forest.
Peeking through the bottom of the curtains again Ellie sees that the last hooded figure is indeed still with her horse. They are turned away from the house trying to calm Shimmer down as she stomps into the ground.
With one last deep breath, Ellie pushes out of the house and tries to rush the person by her horse. But one of those piercing whistles must have been a call for backup as someone attacks and grabs Ellie around the neck from behind.
Ellie sidesteps, grabs the person's wrist with one hand and stabs her switchblade, blade first, into the person's leg, as they go down Ellie jams the same elbow into their face and follows through with her switchblade to the side of their neck.
Ellie has no time to waste, rushing to grab Shimmer’s reins out of the hopeful last hooded figure's hands. Now that Ellie is right next to them, this one looks significantly shorter than the others.
Pushing the shorter person down to the ground, Ellie hops onto the back of her horse, taking her pistol out of its holster, and pointing it directly at the person on the ground all in one fluid movement.
In the push, the hood got knocked off their head and for the first time Ellie sees what is underneath.
Her hair is braided in a circular pattern around her head like a crown and a scar is etched into both of her cheeks running from her mouth to her ears. Her eyes though, her eyes were the thing that stopped Ellie from pulling the trigger.
They held fear, yes but also this strict determination.
Young was the word that came to Ellie’s mind. This person was young. Young and shockingly unarmed for the situation.
Ellie was snapped out of her thoughts when another whistle pierced the air, this time coming from the girl below her, but Ellie is starting to guess that these people must communicate through these whistles and she needs to get her ass out of here.
“You know I didn’t really ask to be shot at either.” Ellie says to the girl still on the ground then kicks Shimmer into a gallop.
Ellie loses track of where she is going as the sun sets, all she is thinking about is getting away from that damn whistling, but no matter what direction she chooses more whistling always finds her. She knows she should rest her horse, but can’t risk it.
Finally the whistling fades and Ellie slows Shimmer to a walk.
“I know, I'm sorry, I pushed you too hard.” Ellie whispers into Shimmer's neck. She can tell that they are both exhausted, but they are not out of the woods yet. Literally, this whole place is just one big forest with buildings occasionally standing in as the trees. Ellie would laugh at herself if she wasn’t so tired.
Something about how quiet the forest suddenly got makes the little hairs on the back of Ellie's neck stand up. Like Ellie might have wandered into a place that even those people would never enter or like she was being led somewhere.
Ellie shifts the reins to her left hand and takes out her pistol with her right. Leading Shimmer around in a quick circle Ellie scans the tree line for anything, human or otherwise. Finding nothing Ellie urges Shimmer along in what she thinks is forward, but it is so dark that she can’t know for sure.
Ellie doesn’t even see the arrow as it silently slices into the meat of her left arm, lower down from her first wound, but deep nonetheless.
“Fuck! Again?” It takes all of Ellie's strength to not let go of Shimmer's reins as she takes off once again. Ellie can vaguely hear the sound of a mechanical gate opening and bullets flying over the sound of her blood pumping. She shoots in the direction where she thinks the arrow came from, but she runs out quickly and doesn’t bother to reload.
Shimmer is scared and she doesn’t know which direction to run in. The screeching of tires and the slamming of doors join the sound of bullets.
“Hey there. easy girl easy.” A man's voice sounds close to her.
Ellie feels herself fading fast as she slumps over her horse, the arrow still embedded in her arm. She doesn’t know if the guy standing in front of her is talking to her or her horse. She hopes he’s talking to her horse.
“My name is Owen. I’m part of the Washington Liberation Front. You…don’t look like you're from around here?”
Owen? A short laugh escaped her lips. So at least she knows someone from Salt Lake City is here. Unless Owen is just a popular name around here. The sound of bullets fade, whoever these Washington Liberation Front people are, they must have scared away the people with the horrible fashion sense and more horrible whistling.
“A laugh? I don’t know if I should be more worried about you or less. Are you traveling with anyone?”
Ellie shakes her head and barely gets out, “No, I’m alone,” before the exhaustion and her injuries are too much and she slides off Shimmer.
She fully expects to fall onto the ground, but strong arms catch her on the way down.
The last few things she hears before sleep takes her is, “Shit man she needs a medic.”
“Yeah no shit, you think? The Scars really messed her up. Get Nora or Mel over here. And quick, it looks like she might be losing a lot of blood.”
Notes:
Hello everyone,
I hope you enjoyed this second chapter. I wanted to let everyone know that I will be updating this story on Wednesdays and Saturdays. I'm in EST so bare that in mind as well. (I updated this one a day early because I got excited lol)
I want to very transparent with you all, so if I have to cut down to once a week I will let you know, but I do have the next few chapters as a rough draft and most of the story is outlined.
Thank you so much for reading!
Chapter 3: Chapter 3
Summary:
Ellie meets some of the Salt Lake Crew.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Ellie comes too with a start.
The last thing she remembers is falling off her horse. And in her panic she falls off the small bed she was sleeping on.
“Whoa there cowgirl. I just finished stitching you back up, so I would prefer it if you didn’t rip them open just yet. The least you could do is make it through the first 12 hours.” A woman says from the door.
In her hands, a tray of what looks to be bloody cotton swabs, some kind of long tweezers, and thread. She has dark skin and her short, coiled hair is held back from her face by a black head band that almost matches the color of her hair.
The woman almost reminds Ellie of Riley, but she pushes that thought down.
“Oh, I didn’t mean to ruin your hard work.” Ellie says from the ground, finally noticing the stiffness in her left arm as she fumbles to get the white sheets from around her foot.
Freeing herself from the sheets she stands up. It is at this time that she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror and sees that not only is there a bandage wrapped around her left arm and shoulder, but she is also topless.
Bending to grab the discarded white sheets quickly from the ground to cover herself, Ellie feels her face flush and she can only hope that her face isn’t as red as it feels.
“Umm…” Ellie is cut off with a laugh from the woman in the doorway.
“Relax girl, it's not like I haven’t seen it all already. No need to frantically hide away from me. Who do you think did the wrapping and the stitching?”
“Ellie.”
“I… don’t think we have an Ellie on staff, cowgirl.” She says.
“No,” Ellie laughs, “My name is Ellie… not girl or cowgirl. Where did that come from anyways?”
“Ellie hmm, pretty name.” The woman looks her up and down before coming back into the room and setting the tray down on the table next to Ellie’s bed. “I’m Nora. I’m part of the medical staff here at the Wall. All part of the Washington Liberation Front, but we call ourselves the WLF for short or Wolves if we’re feeling particularly vicious.”
“Wolves?” Ellie mutters, “I guess that explains why those crazy people out there kept calling me Wolf before deciding that five against one was fair game to play.”
“Yeah the Scars can be pretty… What's the word? Territorial? They used to keep more to themselves, but it’s looking like that time has passed.”
“Yeah well maybe they should learn how to ask politely to get off their land instead of shooting arrows at every stranger they see. And they almost stole Shimmer.”
Nora smiles. “I’m guessing that's the horse right. And you wonder why I call you cowgirl.”
“Ha ha very clever. Where is she?” Ellie rubs her ear with her good arm. “The Horse, Shimmer that is. I don't really remember a whole lot. I think I passed out right after you guys came out.”
“Shimmer is… fine. Horses are usually a Scar thing so everyone was a bit apprehensive about bringing the thing in. Also not many here really know how to care for the beast. She was going pretty crazy and wouldn’t let anyone near her. Owen was finally able to calm her down a bit after Mel and I got out there to take you in. I think he is still out there with her. You haven’t been asleep long. I literally just finished when you woke up. You’re lucky that it looked a lot worse than it was.”
“Yeah well you should see the other guy. Or guys,” Ellis says absently “Can I see her? My horse?” Ellie looks down at her state of undress. “You know after I find my shirt.”
“Oh your shirt is long gone honey. Had to cut it off to get to the arrow. But I think I can find something for you and a sling for your arm. You really shouldn’t be moving it as much as you are.” Then with a devilish grin and the worst southern accent Ellie has ever heard, Nora continues, “Now you just sit tight and don't you worry, there partner. ”
“Oh god. Did I actually die? Is this hell? You’d tell me if this is hell right?”
Ellie can hear Nora, still laughing as she walks down the hall.
Ellie finally takes a moment to look around. The room they have her in isn’t much. It doesn’t even look like it was set up to perform any kind of medical services. It’s really just a bed, a sink, and a mirror.
Homie.
Now that there is nothing to distract her, Ellie’s arm is really starting to hurt. Looking back in the mirror Ellie sees that the bandage is held to her body with an ace wrapping that goes around her bicep as well as her armpit and across her chest a few times. She still has her sports bra on so she isn’t completely topless thank god. Good thing I was wearing it today. Ellie thinks as she tries to raise her arm, but can barely get it to 45 degrees.
“What do you think you are doing out of bed?” This new voice is not Nora. Ellie looks up and sees a shorter girl with closely chopped, light brown hair standing in her doorway.
“Ah…” Ellie tries to answer, but gets cut off again.
“Sit down and stop moving your arm.”
“Ah, Nora just left to get me a shirt. I’m Ellie by the way.” Ellie reaches out her uninjured hand. The shorter girl just stares at her.
Ellie is just about to pull her hand away when the other girl finally shakes it, “Mel. Now sit down and let me see what damage you’ve done to it”
Ellie complies and sits. Mel gently lifts at the edges of the bandage enough to see if Ellie tore any stitches.
“Well you are not bleeding out anymore so it should be fine until we can get you back to the stadium and put a real patch on it.”
There is a beat of silence between the two of them. Ellie looks around hoping that Nora would come back soon, “Um, thanks by the way. I don’t know if I would be alive if you all weren’t here.”
“Don’t thank me. Owen was the one that opened the gate. I wasn’t even at the wall when you came through.”
“Well then I’ll be sure to thank him when I see him next.”
“As touching and heartwarming as this all is.” Nora says, walking into the room holding up a bundle of clothing. “I'm sure our patient would love to have this conversation when she’s not topless. Or do you just not like being topless around me? Should I take offense?”
“You two seem to be getting along well.” Mel says smoothing the wrappings down on Ellie’s skin.
“Oh yeah, me and Ellie are besties now.” Nora says throwing the clothes at Ellie.
Catching the clothing with her good arm the best she can, Ellie mutters, “I wouldn’t go that far.”
“So you don’t want to be my friend. I’m hurt.” Nora fakes a frown.
“That’s not what I said.”
“Just put the damn shirt on already,” Mel huffs out annoyedly, “Owen said he wants to talk to her when she wakes up, and she’s up now so let's go.”
“Gees Mel what crawled up your ass and died. I was already planning on taking her to see Owen. She wants to see her horse anyways.”
Ellie puts the shirt on while Nora talks, but she has trouble getting the sling to sit right.
“Here,” Mel says, straightening the straps and loosening them enough to fit comfortably at Ellie's side. “There. Just… Owen wants to see her.”
“Got it. God.” Nora says as Mel leaves the room, “Sorry about her. She’s not usually like that.”
“Maybe something happened when you were fixing me up. We should get to this Owen guy. He… running things around here?” Ellie asks as they exit her room and walk down the hall.
“Owen?” Nora snorts, “In charge? Man Ellie you are something else.” She shakes her head. “No, Owen's not in charge of anything at the wall. That’s Jack's gig and Jack can be a bit of a dick about it too. Maybe that is why Mel has a stick up her ass.”
Ellie is pretty sure she was not supposed to hear that last bit so she pretends she didn’t.
The pair made it back out into the night air. There are more people than Ellie thought there would be out in the courtyard between the building that Ellie and Nora came out of and a giant wall with Fuck FEDRA grafficed on it.
On the other side of that wall, Ellie was shot through with an arrow, twice.
Ellie shakes her head at the reminder and lets her eyes travel over the rest of the courtyard.
There in the corner, closest to the wall, is Shimmer with some guy, Owen probably, both hands gripping her reins tightly trying to hold her steady.
Ellie bends down and grabs a handful of grass before heading over to them.
“Hey girl, you miss me?” Ellie says, holding the grass out to her nose when she reaches them.
“She won’t stay still.” Owen says.
Shimmer takes a sniff of the grass and instantly calms as she takes the food from Ellie’s outstretched hand.
“You were saying?” Ellie rolls her eyes, “Just loosely tie her up and let her be. She’ll graze where she can and as long as no one spooks her she’ll leave them alone. Although, we should probably get her saddle and blankets off of her. We were just trying to find a place to sleep for the night when the… what did you call them? Scars came. So she is probably just a little cranky.”
Ellie turns to face them again only to find them both a little slack jawed. “What?” she asks.
“I know you don’t like it, but I'll say it again… Cowgirl!” Nora says.
“I take it you don’t have much experience with horses do you?”
“Not really.” Owen says rubbing the back of his neck, “Used to know someone who knew a lot about animals, but I admit I never really paid attention. But I’m a quick study so if you tell me what to do I can help. Seeing as your arm is all messed up and everything.”
Ellie walks both Owen and Nora through the basics of how to unsaddle Shimmer, brush her down and she even has them cleaning Shimmer’s hooves while they are at it. Ellie could get used to being injured, but she knew this would not last. They were all being far too nice to her, except for Mel that is, and it was starting to make her feel a little unease.
Even in Jackson, when a new person came into town–––even if they were just passing through–––they would still have to talk to at least Maria, sometimes Maria and Tommy, and if they looked especially untrustworthy Joel would go in for a little chat as well.
So, it left Ellie wondering… who were the Maria’s, Tommy’s, and Joel’s of this place? And more importantly how much can Ellie really tell them about herself without the risk of being shot?
Notes:
Hello,
Thanks for reading.
I debated combining this chapter with the next one because I wasn't sure if enough happened here, but I kind of wanted to give some breathing room for some character relationships and interactions to form.
Not sure if Ellie feels out of character in this chapter or not. It is kinda hard deciding how she would react as a 16/17 year old who has spent two years learning how to better socialize while in Jackson and she is not dealing with her guilt and grief like in the game. I mean sure she is mad at Joel, but I feel like she compartmentalizes her anger with him and she has other things to worry about right now.
So this is how I would image she is kind of like in those four years in Jackson pre-game. Still a little sassy, but I don't think she would be outwardly mean to people she does not have reason to be mean to yet. Also she is trying to decide if she can trust these people or not and that sometimes means going with the flow a bit. Also home girl does not have plan so she is making it up as she goes.
Preview to chapter 4:
Ellie low-key gets interrogated, then high-key interrogated, and blink and you miss Abby.
Chapter 4: Chapter 4
Summary:
Ellie gets low-key interrogated, the high-key interrogated?
Also blink and you miss Abby.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“So sorry we have to do this, you understand right?” Owen says sitting down in a creaky rolling chair. He had led her into a small office after he and Nora finished caring for Shimmer. “I’m sure you can imagine that when you are trying to protect a whole community that you can’t just go around letting everyone in without at least sitting down with them first. Especially with people like the Scars so close by.”
Ellie had never heard the conversations that Maria, Tommy, or Joel had with the newcomers, but now that she is hearing this one, she can imagine this being something Tommy would say. Lure them into a sense of comradery, like you’re old buddies having a beer on the porch to get your lips loose and before you know it you're spilling every secret you ever had to him.
“Understandable, what do you need to know?”
“Where you’re traveling from would be a good start. I know you said that you were alone, but if anyone might be coming after you is also good to know and the most important, why you left wherever you're from and why you are here? Then we should be good to decide what to do with you.”
“Decide what to do with me? Like?” Ellie raises her thumb to swipe across her neck.
“If we were going to just kill you we wouldn’t have wasted the stitches and bandages on you and I wouldn’t have risked getting yelled at by Jack for opening the gate to save you. So no, the worst thing that would happen would be we set you back out there with them.”
“So kill me with your hands clean? Got it.” Ellie mutters.
Owen breathed out a laugh, “Let’s just start over. Where are you from?”
“Um, Southeast from here. Not as West as here but not East East either.”
“Southeast? But not East? You do realize that that could literally mean anywhere in America right? That’s awfully vague.”
“It’s near some pretty awesome mountains if that helps” Owen does not look the least bit amused by Ellie, “Look I don’t really know you guys and I might have left that settlement, but that doesn’t mean I want anything bad to happen to the people still living there. So respectfully, if you don’t mind I’d like to keep some parts of my life to myself. All you need to know is that I’m traveling alone and no one from that settlement knew where I was going. Honestly, they all probably think I’m dead.”
“Why did you leave?”
Ellie is silent for a moment, how do you explain that your whole world was turned upside down by a lie that you wished more than anything was true?
"I just couldn’t stay there anymore.” Ellie says quietly.
“Do you think you’ll ever want to go back?”
Silence, then a whisper, “There’s nothing to go back to.”
“No one’s going to miss you or come looking for you?” Owen asks softly. Ellie hates how soft he is being with her, like she is going to break down and cry at any moment.
Ellie thinks of Cat, Dina, and Jesse and feels a sudden gaping hole in her chest, mostly because she had not been thinking about her friends at all when she made the decision to not return to Jackson. She tries not to think of Joel or Tommy; they’re the only ones that could possibly come after her, but how would they find her? They can’t .
Something about the possibility of Joel thinking that she’s dead rips at her heart, but she pushes it down and clears her throat, her voice only breaking a little as she speaks. “No, no one’s coming.”
Owen looks at her like he doesn’t quite believe her, but has no real way of calling her on her bullshit, so he slaps his hands on his knees as he stands up. “Okay then. That was pretty much all I had to ask you. I’ll take you back to the room you woke up in and tomorrow you can decide to either try your luck out there over the Wall again or I can take you to see Isaac. He runs things around here so if you want to stay you have to talk with him.”
They are close to her room when Owen stops and turns to her, “Look, I don’t know what you're running from, and you don’t have to tell me now or ever really, but if you do decide to meet with Isaac you’re going to need to be a bit more specific than not East, East. And for what it’s worth I hope you do choose to stick around. You seem like someone used to being alone when you don’t have to be.”
Ellie isn’t sure if she was supposed to hear that last part, but she nods anyway and says, “I’ll think about it,” before going into her room and shutting the door.
* * *
The next morning Mel knocks on her door and before she has a chance to get out of bed the door is opening.
“Come on in, why don’t you?” Ellie mutters hoping very much that Mel hears her.
“A small team is leaving for the Stadium soon. Owen said you might want to go so what will it be? Are you heading into the Stadium or back out with them?” Mel says, crossing her arms and lending against the doorway. If Ellie didn’t know better she would think that Mel was trying to intimidate her, but she looks awkward in the stance she chose, like she’s trying to act like someone she’s not.
“If I do decide to go to this Stadium of yours, are you going to be like this the whole time? What is your problem with me anyways.”
“Oh don’t pretend like you don’t know what you’re doing. And before you go getting any ideas Owen has a girlfriend so back off.”
Ellie can’t help it, she laughs, “Hang on a second. You mean to tell me that the reason you’ve been a bitch to me this whole time is because you think I want your boyfriend? That’s hilarious”
Mel looks like Ellie hit her over the head and her face pales. “That's not… he’s not… He’s not my boyfriend. He’s a friend and the boyfriend of my friend, that’s all.”
“Ah friend code I get it. Listen, you don’t have to worry about me and Owen. Let’s just say he’s not exactly my type, if you know what I mean? So will you be removing the stick up your ass yourself or do you want me to call Nora in here to help you get it out surgically?”
“No.” Mel sighs, her chest falls and shoulders relax, shaking her head she continues, “I’m sorry I shouldn't have assumed.”
“No, no I get it. You're just looking out for your friends. I can respect that, but trust me you do not need to worry about me on that front. So… are we… good now?”
“Yeah, I think we’re all clear here.” Mel turns away as if to leave, but makes a 180 back to her, “Are you staying or not? I kinda have to let some people know so they can make arrangements for your horse.”
Ellie shrugs. “I think I’ll meet this Isaac guy and if he lets me stay… I’ll stay.”
Mel nods and tips her head in a way that says, ok follow me then.
They make their way out of the building and the courtyard looks different then it did the other night. Though that might just be because she can actually see things in the daylight. Shimmer is still where she left her tied up but content to nip at the grass.
Owen is with her again, this time a carrot in hand.
“You trying to steal my horse?” Ellie says when they reach him.
Startled Owen drops the carrot and Shimmer bends to eat it off the ground. “Haha no I didn’t mean to cause any offense.”
“Relax man, she's not going to suddenly despise me over one carrot. She’s more loyal than that. Right Shimmer?” Ellie said, rubbing the horse's neck.
“So…what did you decide?” Owen asks, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
“I think I’d like to meet this Isaac guy. See what all this is about. I haven’t really run into any other settlements in my travels. Might be nice not to always look over my back on the road for a change.”
“We’ll have someone take your horse to the Stadium once we hear back from Isaac. Take care.” Mel says, patting Ellie’s shoulder once before walking away.
“Great!” Owen clapped his hands together.
He turns as if to go somewhere before doubling back, “I almost forgot. Our scouts came across a house not too far away with five dead Scars around it. Was that you by any chance?”
“Umm, yeah they attacked so I took care of it.”
“Good to know.” Owen nods his head as he turns and jogs up the steps to the office where they had their talk — interrogation? — last night and returns with two backpacks, throwing one of them at her feet.
Ellie curses herself for not realizing that she didn’t have her pack with her sooner as she bent to pick it up. “Thanks, um did you…”
“I swear I didn’t even peek in your journal.” Owen says, raising his hands in the air. “Although I was tempted.”
“So you did look in my bag.” Ellie stiffened trying to remember what she wrote in her journal and if anything could have pointed to the fact that she is immune. Ellie is pretty sure that this is the Owen from the paper she found, but somehow actually asking him about the fireflies feels wrong. It might be because he doesn’t look much older than her, so how could he possibly know anything about how to make a vaccine, so what's the point? What’s the point in any of this any more?
“Relax, I just did a sweep to make sure you didn’t have anything too dangerous in there.”
Looking in her bag everything looks the same as she remembers, except, “Hey my Molotovs! I had like three in here.”
Owen laughs as he walks away, “Much too dangerous.”
“Asshole.” Ellie mutters to his back, he just laughs louder.
* * *
About an hour after Ellie tells Owen that she will go to the Stadium, a Humvee is gassed up and they are ready to go. There are three people headed to the stadium all together, including Ellie. A guy named Manny joins them, although Ellie hasn’t really talked to him much as he swiped the keys from Owen as soon as he could and climbed into the driver's seat of the Humvee. Ellie kind of wishes that she could see Nora one more time but Mel had mentioned that she was called off to a different station early in the morning.
The only impression that Ellie got from Manny was that he is Hispanic and that he really likes to curse in spanish. Even if Ellie doesn’t know the language, she can feel the inflection in a curse words from a mile away.
“So tell me about this Isaac guy.” Ellie finally speaks up.
“Not much to tell. He let me and my friends in after our old group disbanded and we’ve been here ever since. Can’t say he’s all rainbows and sunshine, but who is in this hellscape?”
“And he’ll be fine with me just coming in? Unannounced? Armed?” Ellie asks, lifting the shoulder that has her rifle on it.
They had given her back her rifle and pistol for the trip, but burned her bow. When she had asked why, Owen had just said that it was just easier that way. Whatever that meant, but Ellie still missed her bow. She didn’t like the idea of not having the option of a silent kill if the need arose.
“Well, I radioed in about you last night and then again this morning so you aren’t exactly ‘unannounced’. And he never said to kill you so I think you're safe.”
“Has anyone ever told you you’re an asshole?”
Owen laughs, “Man if this all works out, you are going to love Abby.”
“Who loves Abby?” Manny yells over the sound of the Humvee’s tires rolling over the worn dirt road, “Is it you Owen?” Manny asks, making kissy faces at Owen in the rear view mirror.
Owen throws a balled up rag at Manny’s head that he found on the floor of the Humvee’s bed, “Shut up and watch where you’re driving before you crash and we have to walk the rest of the way.”
“Man I should have just ridden Shimmer to the Stadium, you two are impossible.”
“Don’t worry about your horse, Cowgirl. We’ll get her to the Stadium soon.” Manny says from the front.
“Is this whole Cowgirl thing going to be, like, a thing with you people now?”
“Maybe not everyone, but I hope most. Think of it as a welcome gift.” Manny laughs.
“Thanks, I hate it.”
* * *
The drive was quick and before Ellie could really prepare herself they were pulling into the garage of a huge circular building.
“Pretty neat right.” Owen says, seeing the look of awe in her eyes.
Ellie wasn’t sure what she expected the Stadium to be like, but this was way beyond anything she thought of. It was equally militarized and townie in a weird way. Like Ellie can hear sheep baaing while looking at a caged wall full of guns.
“We have to sign in our weapons. Don't worry the worst that’ll happen to yours is that they get cleaned. Come on.” Owen says, leading her to said cage of guns. “Hey Sally, Signing back in…”
Ellie stops paying attention as an engine comes to life. All Ellie could see of the driver is an extremely muscular arm tapping the roof of the Humvee twice and a blonde braid flopping in the wind through the open window, before peeling out of the space.
“Ellie, you have to actually hand over your guns now.” Owen says, pulling her back into the conversation.
“Right, sorry.” She says, taking out her pistol from its holster and sliding her rifle off her shoulder.
“No problem love,” Sally waves her off. She has a soft Irish accent and looks to be in her late forties.
Nodding to her, Owen starts to lead her through the Stadium pointing out one thing or the other as they go. It was all getting slightly overwhelming and Ellie is sure she will get lost at least a few times before she sorts it all out in her head.
Jackson was so much more straightforward and if you did manage to get lost you could always just find the main road again. Hell, everything was on the main road. This was all twists, turns, stairs, and levels; there did seem to be some kind of an attempt at a color-coded system but the key was either non-existent or long since faded away.
Ellie tried to keep track of the rights and left that Owen took her down, but after the third time of asking herself if it was three lefts and then a right or two lefts, one right, then one left she gave up. If they want to kill her after this meeting she’ll just die. It’s better than running into a deadend and then still dying. That's just embarrassing.
The sad thing is she doesn’t even think Owen is trying to get her lost on purpose. He just genuinely looks like he is excited to show her around.
Finally he stops in front of a double door and knocks. After a soft “Come in.” Owen opens the door to a large office and wishes her luck as she steps through before closing the door again.
“You must be Ellie. Please come in and have a seat.” The speaker stands behind a large clean desk, the wood a light brown. The office as a whole is pristine. The man looks to be a little bit younger than Joel but not by much. His dark skin has the start of some forehead wrinkles, like he had spent too long glaring at papers, and his hair has just a touch of white starting to come through. “But how rude of me. I’m Isaac. It’s nice to meet you.”
Ellie shakes his outstretched hand over the top of the table before they both sit down.
“Owen tells quite the story of you, but I always like to hear things from the horse's mouth so-to-speak. So why are you really here and none of that vague bullshit you pulled with Owen please. I’m too old and impatient for that,” Isaac says, sliding a switchblade slowly open with both hands and placing it gently on the desk before himself and steeping his fingers over the knife, “and it should be known that I only ask politely once. ”
Ellie swallows thickly, this must be their Joel , she thinks before saying, “Understood sir.”
Ellie had all night and the drive in to prepare what she was going to say. Not a flat out lie, but a modified verse of the truth, something close without giving it all away. Something that will allow her to see if this guy knows where the Fireflies are without revealing exactly who she is and she hates to admit it, but something that protects Joel as well.
“I’m looking for someone…Riley Abel.” Ellie swings her bag around, opening a side pocket and pulling out Riley’s Firefly necklace and placing it on his desk. “She, um,” Ellie swallows, “is my best friend and she joined the Fireflies a while ago. Before she left she said she was headed to the University of Eastern Colorado, but when I got there, no one was there. I found a recorder saying that the Fireflies had moved to the Salt Lake City Hospital. Once I made it there, again…no one. I, um, found this.”
Ellie reaches into her backpack again and retrieves the page she found.
“I, um” She laughs, “Don’t think the author really wanted anyone to read it.” She hands it over to Isaac. “But it talks about Seattle. I knew it was a shot in the dark and Riley could be… dead… but I had to try.”
Isaac is silent for a moment. “Where are you from? Originally?”
“Boston.”
“You expect me to believe you made it here all the way from Boston alone ?”
“No, but I hope you believe that I made it here from Salt Lake City alone. From Boston to Colorado I was traveling with this small group of people running from the Boston QZ. We all kinda banded together to travel, you know safely in numbers and all that. But we found a settlement in the midwest that seemed safe enough for all of them. I was there for sometime, but I needed to know about Riley so I split off and I already told you the rest.”
Isaac breathed deeply and rubbed Riley’s emblem before setting it down and pushing it over to her. “I’m afraid she is most likely dead. If she was at the Salt Lake City Hospital with the Fireflies two years ago a mad man came blazing through the halls gunning down anyone in his way. I took in the kids that remained, mostly orphans, and anyone who wanted to come along when the Fireflies disbanded––– there weren't many––– most of the remaining are in these halls, but I’ve never heard of a Riley Abel. You could ask Owen out there if he remembers her, but if she was there that day. That man more than likely murdered her. ”
Ellie is not sure why his voice makes her cry. Especially when she already knows the truth and already knows Riley’s murderer. It is such a soft trickle that Ellie barely registers that it is happening at all until Isaac holds out a clean cloth over the desk.
Isaac stands and looks away as Ellie composes herself.
“The Fireflies are gone, scattered to the winds, but the Wolves are here. I know you probably want to continue looking for your friend, but you could die searching for a ghost that you can never hope to see. I promised someone dear to me that I would take in the remaining Fireflies if any came to me. Were you a Firefly?”
“Not officially… but yes.”
Isaac turns around facing Ellie once again, when he speaks his voice is soft, but firm.
“Then welcome to the pack.”
Notes:
Thanks again for reading.
I truly appreciate all the comments and Kudos.
For this chapter I'm thinking Isaac is in his recruitment phase. Can't plan a genocide without soldiers am I right. *finger guns*/s
Preview to next chapter:
Abby!!!!
Chapter 5: Chapter 5
Summary:
Abby!!
Also Ellie and Abby finally meet.
Ps. This was originally going to be two separate chapters, but I wanted them to meet sooner. lol.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
God was Danny an annoying person to be stuck on Wall Duty with, it hasn’t even been a full day yet and Abby already wants to pull her hair out. Plus the fact that Owen wasn’t even here any more made it blow even more.
Abby had been trying to find more time to be with him like he said he wanted, but every time she goes out of her way to arrange coordinating assignments he changes his. Granted she probably should have told him what she was doing, but still their anniversary was coming up for christ sake, one would think they should at least be at the same base for it and he was scheduled to be here.
So he should be here.
And now she is stuck listening to Danny go on and on about… something, honestly she tuned him out a long time ago as she tries to read her book in peace.
It shouldn’t be too bad, all she had to do was watch the forest for sightings of Scars when it was her turn and read when it wasn’t… for the next two weeks. God why did she offer to switch with Mary when she mentioned having this assignment.
“Hey Danny. Can I borrow Abby for a second?” Abby could kiss Mel for saving her from hearing about Danny’s snake? Rabbit? She swears it was the animal he was talking about.
“Yeah Mel, coming.” Abby says, without waiting for Danny to answer, she quickly stands up and throws her book down on her seat before following Mel out.
“What’s up?” She asks when they get far enough away from the lookout tower.
“Thought you could use a break from Danny and his stories of his pet iguana.”
“Iguana,” Abby snaps her fingers, “that’s what it was. Wait, how’d he get an iguana?”
“It doesn’t matter. What are you doing here?”
Abby sighs, “Well Owen was stationed out here, so I thought I would surprise him for our anniversary.”
“And now you're still apart.” Mel rolls her eyes.
“And now we’re still apart. And worst I’m stuck talking about an iguana for the next two weeks. I kinda hope the Scars do attack, at least that would be something to do.”
“Aren’t you curious as to why he’s not here?” Mel asks.
“Figured he got called to a different base. Heard Nora got moved to the hotel late last night.”
“A girl came.” Mel says, by this time they are out in the courtyard, Mel nods her head in the direction of the horse grazing. It’s saddle and gear thrown over a fence near it.
“I was wondering where the horse came from. She a Scar or something?” Abby walks closer to the beast. It doesn’t pay them any mind as it continues to graze around where it can.
“Not unless the Scars have taken to attacking their own. She killed five of them out by the road.”
“Impressive,” Abby reaches the horse, giving it a tentative stroke. The horse was in good shape if not in need of some good rest, which would make sense if her rider was traveling from far away.
“Owen opened the gate, against Jack's orders, so he volunteered to take her to see Isaac and deliver the report himself.”
“Okay? You’re talking like this should mean something to me? Isaac has been weird about new people recently, but he’s usually fine with letting in strays. I mean look at us.”
“What I'm trying to say is, talk to Jack. He doesn’t want anything to do with the girl and that includes her horse too. He might radio the Stadium about sending you back early with her horse as you are the only one here with any experience with animals.”
“Hey, that's not true,” Abby says, continuing to pet the horse, “Danny has an iguana.”
Mel rolls her eyes, “Mammal then. God why are we friends.”
“Because I’m the best.” Abby laughs, giving the horse one last pat on the neck before turning to go find Jack.
“You're the worst Abigail Anderson. And what no thank you? I just saved your anniversary.” Mel yells after her.
“You’re the best Mel.” Abby throws over her shoulder, not turning back to her.
______
Ellie left Isaac’s office in a bit of a daze.
Not that she expected for him to shoot her point blank, but she also didn’t expect him to welcome her into his group so easily. One thing did stick out to her though.
He had said that most of the Fireflies from Salt Lake City were here, so maybe it’s not all lost yet. She just has to find the right people, ask the right questions, and then… what blurt out hey I’m the girl that got all your friends and family killed. Because that will go over so well.
What was she thinking? She should have just headed back to Jackson when she had the chance. Then she could have spent the rest of her days angrily glaring at Joel every time she saw him. That would have been easier. Safer, but somehow hollow.
Maybe all hope for a vaccine truly is gone, but did that mean Ellie had no purpose anymore? She had made it this far already and she basically had a new life with a new purpose offered to her on a silver platter.
But did she want it?
Maybe, and that thought might scare her more than facing a bloater with only three bullets and a single molotov.
Ellie is shaken from her daze by the sound of shushed voices getting louder down the hall.
“-missed her, she picked up an assignment.”
“Really? Man, I was going to ask her… Oh well she can’t get too mad at me if she’s not here right.” Ellie recognized that voice as Owen’s, but the first one is new.
The pair round the corner to see Ellie just standing outside Isaac’s office door.
“Hey Ellie,” Owen waves, “This is Jordan, Jordan, Ellie.”
Jordan nods in Ellie’s direction, but makes no move to shake her hand or come any closer to her. Ellie is not complaining.
“Um… Do you need to speak with him or…” Ellie points a thumb at the office door.
“Oh yeah, I should probably give him Manny and I’s report, just wait here.” Owen says, clapping Jordan on the back before moving past Ellie to the door
“Were you talking to him or me on that last part?” Ellie asks, attempting for a joke but not really feeling it.
Jordan looks bored. “I’m not a babysitter and I actually have things to do.”
Owen has one hand on the handle when he turns back, “Oh come on Jordan, Leah can wait five minutes. You know distance makes the heart grow fonder.”
“Oh yeah then your heart must be overflowing.”
Owen flicks him off as he enters the office and closes the door.
“So,” Ellie says, “Leah? She your girlfriend?”
“God I fucking hate Owen.” Jordan sighs, “No she’s not my girlfriend, she's just someone I’m talking to you know?”
“Yeah, yeah sure.” Ellie rocks back and forth on her heels against the wall across from Isaac’s door and mutters, “Fuck this is awkward.”
Jordan breaths a laugh, “I’ll say,”
That little silent agreement of neither one of them wanting to be here was enough to break the ice as they waited for Owen to finish. And before they knew it they were pouring over a Savage Starlight comic book that Ellie pulled from her backpack after getting bored.
“Man, where did you find this one? I've been looking for it for ages.” Jordan explains when he sees it.
“Oh um.. Just on my way here. I was holed up right outside Boise for a bit because of a hoard passing through. Every time I thought it was clear I would get a block or two over before I was diving into another place to hide from them. One time I stumbled into a book store and their basement was full of comics. I wish I could have carried more honestly.”
“Awe isn’t this a heartwarming sight,” Owen says, standing in front of the closed door for who knows how long. “I love it when my friends are friends.”
“Who said we were friends?” Ellie and Jordan both say at the same time. The three of them look at each other for a second before bursting out laughing.
“Anyways,” Owen says after he calms down a bit. “Isaac says you are joining us. Is that right?”
Ellie nods her head.
“Awesome, I know just the place to put you.”
* * *
“Here you are home sweet home.” Owen says, opening the door to a surprisingly large room.
To the right of the door is a little kitchenette, clean and tidy, with only one bowl left out to dry on the drying rack.
The room is divided into an upper level and a lower level with one bunk bed on the lower level next to the floor to ceiling windows.
“Um… are you sure? It looks like someone is already moved in.” Ellie says gesturing at the clearly taken bed. The top bunk is littered with boxes and books, and while the bottom bunk is made there are still knick knacks scattered around that show that this is definitely not Ellie’s space.
“We should be able to bring in another bunk too, but in the meantime,” Owen jogs down the steps and starts to remove the boxes and books from the top bunk and put them on the ground next to it. “I know it's not great, but I know the girl who lives here and she wouldn’t mind. She’ll be back in about a week or so, so that gives you time to settle in before meeting her.”
“If you say so.” Ellie throws her bag up onto the top bunk with her good arm.
______
It took a few days for Jack to grant Abby’s request of taking the horse back to the Stadium.
For as much as he liked to complain about the beast, Abby half suspected that he secretly liked her. Abby had caught him outside petting her and feeding her carrots when she switched with Danny for the night shift.
But with not a day to spare until Abby and Owen’s anniversary she found herself saddling up the horse with her packed bag resting next to the fence.
“Shimmer. That’s the horse's name.” Mel says leaning against a shed.
“Stupid name.”
“You have a better one for her?”
“Well no, but still.” Abby says, rubbing her down one last time and rechecking the straps before throwing her bag over her shoulder and mounting the horse.
“Nick was a little late coming to relieve you. You still think you can make it back in time?”
“Yeah it might take a little longer, I don't want to overtire the horse, but I should be able to get there with plenty of sunlight still. Not too bad right?”
Mel shrugs and pats the horse's neck. “May your survival be long.”
“May your death be swift.”
“Good luck Abby.”
* * *
Abby is not sure when she started being followed, but she caught movement to her right that was definitely not an animal. Shimmer also pivots her ears in that direction every once in a while.
Abby sighs, she really doesn’t feel like fighting, especially when she has plans. Scars should not be in this part of the city or else Abby would have never been allowed to travel alone, but Nick was late and Abby has never been known for her patience.
A branch snaps to her right followed by another one to her left. Without thinking Abby kicks the horse into a gallop, takes out her military pistol waiting to shoot until she is shot at first.
The arrow’s don’t come until she rounds a bend.
“Shit.” Abby shoot’s wildly at the attackers as Shimmer bellows through the group of scars. An arrow barely grazed her calf, cutting the fabric of her pants.
There are not many, probably a hunting party that traveled too far inland and decided to take out the one Wolf that was stupid enough to be out alone.
Abby had planned on taking it easy for the horse’s sack, but she didn’t know if it was just those three Scars in the woods or if there were more hiding out this close to home. Abby doubles back and around to get the drop on them.
She hopes off the horse as quietly as she can. Abby only sees three Scars. One is crouched down looking at her tracks while the other two have their arrows pulled tight on their bows, but they are all looking at where she ran off to and not around them.
She takes out the two standing with two bullets. The last didn’t have time to register what happened to his friends or load his bow before Abby is on him, knocking him out with the butt of her gun.
“I think Isaac will be wanting a word with you.”
She loads her prisoner onto the back of Shimmer once she has made sure his mouth is gagged and his arms and legs are bound. She ties him down to the saddle and throws away any weapons he might have on him.
Turning Shimmer in the direction of the FOB Abby sets off to walk beside her. “Looks like we are making a little detour.”
Arriving at the FOB with no other incidents, Abby passes off her cargo as quickly as she could and makes the briefest of reports that she can before she is finally set free once again to make it to the Stadium before nightfall. A trip that should have only taken her a few hours to complete has turned into an all day exertion and at this moment all Abby wants to do is crawl into her bed.
She’ll make it up to Owen tomorrow.
When she finally gets to the Stadium and drops the horse off in the yard with the other animals it is just after general lights out. Owen would be in his room with Manny already. That is if Manny was not already out getting lucky in one of his secret spots that he brags about all the time.
Rubbing the back of her neck, she unlocks the door to her lit room. She must have left the light by her bed on, by accident. Oops. Abby thinks Stacy is going to kill her.
Flopping down on her bed, she closes her eyes for a second, but something about her room feels different. Lifting her head she sees the box of books that she usually keeps on the top bunk have been moved to the floor at the foot of her bed. She doesn’t remember doing that, but then again she is too tired to think too much about it and figures she must have been looking for a book before she left and flops back down throwing an arm over her eye.
“Oh, hey I’m Ellie you must be Abby.”
Abby jumps in her bed hitting her head on the bars under the top bunk. She didn’t even hear the shower running or the bathroom door opening, but there standing in a long towel with wet auburn hair just past her shoulders is a girl Abby has never seen before.
“Ouch, that must have hurt. I didn’t mean to scare you. I forgot my clothes and honestly didn’t think anyone was here.” The girl laughs nervously, her cheek redden slightly, but she makes no move to come any further into the room.
Abby shakes her head to clear it, “Who are you?”
“I’m Ellie," the girl says confused, "I just said that. How hard did you slam your head into that bar? Do I need to walk you down to the medical wing?”
“Why are you in my room?”
“Um, Owen brought me here? He said you’d be fine with sharing a space. Although based on this interaction I’m starting to think he was dead wrong.”
Abby finally recovers enough from hitting her head that she is able to stand up and start piecing together what is happening. “Owen?”
“Yeah, guy about aye tall, brown hair.” She raises her hand to indicate his height, “Kinda resembles a puppy if you turn your head to the side and squint really hard.”
Abby shakes her head. “I can’t believe him.”
Abby doesn’t wait for the girl to make any more sarcastic comments before she is up the three stairs and out of the room again.
Owen’s room that he shares with Manny is two corridors over. She bangs on his door and when no one answers, bangs on it again. “Owen Moore, get your ass out here.”
The door finally cracks open and Abby pushes her way in.
“Abs? You aren’t supposed to be back until Monday.”
“Yeah well you were supposed to be at the Wall so I guess we are both not where we are supposed to be then aren’t we. Why is there a random girl in my room?”
Owen crosses his arms, “Ah, I am guessing you meet Ellie.”
“I don’t care what her name is, what is she doing in my room?”
“Well she’s your new roommate so she kinda has to be in your room or else it defeats the whole room part of the roommates thing.”
“Haha, very funny.”
“I thought so.” Owen mudders. “Look Abby, there are no other rooms available right now and you have the space in your place. You’ve been skating by without a roommate for too long its starting to affect your social skills.”
“Hey, I social just fine, thank you very much.”
“Yeah yeah sure, but you are going to be forced to have a roommate at some point and I already vetted her. She’s cool. Killed five scars on her own before making it to the Wall and even half passed out, I'm pretty sure she injured a few more before they pulled back. Isaac likes her and once she heals a bit more she’ll start training for assignments. Trust me, I have a good feeling about you two. I think you’ll make great friends.”
“Have all the friends I need."
“Yes and we will all still be here for you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make more.”
Abby sighs, rolling her eyes, “Speaking of friends, where’s Manny?”
“Manny is out with.. Steph. Or was it Amy. I can’t remember.”
“Oh?” Abby steps into Owen's space and brings her lips close to his. “And how long do you think that should take?”
“Humm, is this because you don’t want to make nice with your new roommate or because I’m that irresponsible?”
“Why can’t it be both?” Abby closes the space between their lips. One of Owen’s hands comes to cup her head while the other wraps around her waist.
A cough sounds at the door and Abby and Owen jump apart. Neither Abby nor Owen heard the door open as Manny came in or did they accidentally leave the door open, Abby can’t remember. “Man I leave for one moment and you two just start going at it don’t you.”
“Shut up.” Abby says at the same time Owen throws a wadded up sock at him from the ground.
Manny catches it, “I love you too, Abs” He blows her a kiss and heads to his bed.
“Come on.” Owen leads her outside. Once there he turns to her, smiles, and gives her one last kiss. “Go make nice with the roomie.”
“I hate you.”
“Love you too Abby.”
______
Ellie didn’t really know what to make of about her new roommate.
To be honest she didn’t really know what to make of anyone here. She had been here for four days already and the most she could tell, the place was run slightly better than her old FEDRA school but not by much. This is the place the Fireflies decided to go? Not that she really took the time to ask around for ex-fireflies. She could ask Owen and he would probably be willing to tell her, but she hasn’t worked up the guts to ask him about it yet. Now that she was here in an unfamiliar place with no Joel, she didn’t really know how to proceed.
After getting dressed back into her dark gray hoodie and some WLF issued sweatpants, Ellie sits on her bed on the top bunk drawing in her notebook.
It started out as just shapes then she moved on to sketching the stadium. And if she let her mind wander too far she would catch herself drawing pictures of Joel.
She missed Joel and she hated that she missed him so much. She should still be mad at him and she is, but the further away from him she got the less powerful the flame of anger became and she found herself wondering if he was okay and wishing he was with her, if for nothing else then a familiar face in the sea of strangers. He would know what to do and what to say to get her through this.
Shaking her head she looks down at her little map of all the places she had been to so far, mostly the medical wing and the gun check out station, but the place was still a maze to her.
Nora had returned to the Stadium the other day and performed her check up for her wound, stating that she was lucky neither arrow hit her brachial artery so now all they have to be worried about is making sure the wounds don’t get infected. Which is why she has been restricted to desk jobs only, at least until the stitches come out and she can raise her arm without blood leaking.
She was bored out of her mind, but she no longer needed the arm sleeve so long as she promised not to lift anything heavy or reach above her head. It did make climbing up the ladder a little hard so Ellie had been sleeping on the bottom bunk, but it looks like those days were over.
Even though it was a little embarrassing to walk out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel she was a little glad she hadn’t actually been in bed when Abby came in. Something tells Ellie that that would not have gone over too well.
The door opens back up and Abby’s muscular figure comes back in.
Ellie has never thought of herself as attracted to muscles before, but then again she has never seen a girl like Abby before and she has to admit that Abby’s figure is definitely doing something to her that might be a problem for cohabitation.
Abby seemed more relaxed now then she did when she first came in so whatever talk she had with Owen must have gone well.
“You good now?”
Abby’s head shoots up to look at her and her eyes darken almost like she forgot Ellie was here.
Okay, not so well then.
“Fine, just don’t touch my stuff and in the morning we are finding an extra buck even if I have to make it myself.” Abby glares
Man what is with this girl I just got here. Ellie thinks but says, “I’m sure that won’t be necessary.”
Ellie loses sight of Abby as she sits on the bed underneath “We are not friends.”
Ellie laughs short and loud, “Okay? I don’t remember asking to be your friend. You going to be a dick to me this whole time then?”
“I haven’t decided yet.”
“Well you just let me know if that changes.”
Abby doesn't answer and just turns off the light. Ellie closes her journal, tucking it under her bed and tries to get some sleep.
Notes:
Thanks for reading!
Preview to next chapter:
Abby and Ellie cohabitation. Plus Ellie is finally able to start training, but who is her teacher? Hmmm.
Chapter 6: Chapter 6
Summary:
Abby and Ellie learn how to cohabitate
Ellie starts training with the WLF.
Abby and Ellie become friends?
Ps. Very light Nora/Ellie starting here. Not sure if anyone saw that as a ship in the tags (it was kinda at the bottom). They don't become an actual thing until later, but they gotta start somewhere.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“You seem to be healing pretty well.” Nora says about three weeks after Ellie arrives at the stadium.
Nora has been the main person that takes care of Ellie’s wounds. From reminding Ellie to go to the medical wing after lunch if she had forgotten her weekly check ups, to being there ready when she remembers to go herself. She even brought lunch to the gun signout station for Ellie once when she forgot to go to the dining hall at noon.
Ellie may have gotten a bit hyper focused on cleaning the guns and lost track of time, but Nora had been there with food and some clean bandages so they had their check up in between the aisles of guns. They spent the time after the check up just eating and laughing until Sally came back.
Out of all the people that Ellie has met in the WLF, Nora was one of the best.
“No infection, and it looks like the skin has closed over the deepest wound.” Nora looks at Ellie’s face. “You also look better. Less gangly.”
Ellie squints her eyes at Nora, “Is that supposed to be a compliment?
Nora shrugs, “Maybe. Or maybe it's just nice to see that all my hard work is paying off.”
“Yes Nora, you are the greatest medical associate the WLF has ever seen and we should all bow down to your greatness. Happy?”
“I wouldn’t go that far, but thank you.” Nora says, gently rebandaging Ellie’s two wounds with smaller bandages, “I think we can clear you for either cooking or farming assignments.”
Rolling her eyes, Ellie says, “God please, no farming. What do I have to do to get back out there?”
“You sound like Abby.” Nora laughs, “Hmm let’s see. I’m sure Owen can recommend you for basic training, but I want you to promise me that you will do the physical therapy on your own before or after training. I’ll talk to him about it.”
Ellie takes both of Nora’s hands in hers and squeezes them gently., “Thank you Nora.”
* * *
The WLF isn’t so bad. In the next few weeks after her check up, Ellie dives head first into training. She barely sees Abby, not that Ellie is paying attention.
No she doesn’t notice that Abby gets up before the sun rises, or prefers to shower at night after her workouts, or that she has the habit of curling the tail end of her braid in her fingers whenever she is too deeply engrossed in whatever book she is reading, and Ellie definitely doesn’t search for her whenever she smells the scent of pine.
Ok so maybe she does pay attention, but who wouldn’t when your roommate ignores you after dragging you all around the compound the morning after meeting you to find a spare bunk bed to bring to the apartment. Luckily they ran into Manny, Jordan, and Nick before Abby suggested the two of them carry it up to their room themselves.
Since then Ellie has barely seen her and she can’t decide if it’s on purpose or not.
She can’t decide if Abby even cares or notices that she is even in her room at all because Ellie is so run down after training that she mostly comes in and collapses onto her bed immediately after coming into the room. She has never been more thankful that Abby decided to put her bed in the corner of the top level, the farthest away from hers but the closest to the door.
Ellie’s left arm doesn't give her any trouble as the weeks move on and she holds the highest score in the shooting range and runs the fastest mile in her group of trainees. Ellie just feels a bit bad for Shimmer all cooped up in the field with the other animals. Maybe she can talk to someone about taking her out, maybe to some of the nearby outposts or something once she is cleared for assignments.
Today is a rare late-start day and she is sitting on her bed drawing Abby as she reads by the window.
The way that Abby is curled in on herself can not possibly be comfortable but she doesn’t seem to notice, too wrapped up in her book. Ellie has sat here watching Abby speed through half the book so far so it must be pretty good.
Ellie makes a mental note to look for the library, maybe after today's training session. Flipping her journal from the half finished picture back to the page where she wrote her training schedule, Ellie sees that today is her first combat training day, so at least she gets to hang out with Manny.
With her arm pretty much healed she can now graduate from only being able to take marksmanship classes to now being able to attend combat classes and then in a month she will be evaluated and either she will graduate and start her assignments or she will continue to train and if she fails the assessment again she will be relegated to non combat assignments.
Which would suck.
Glancing at the WLF issued wrist watch Ellie sees that it’s almost time for her combat class to start. Throwing her journal into her bag, Ellie changes out of her old jeans and hoodie that she was relaxing in and into her WLF issued cargo pants and basic black T-shirt.
Sparing Abby a final glance she heads off to the training grounds, hoping that Manny is a little late just in case she gets lost on the way there.
_____
For as such as Abby likes to pretend her new roommate doesn’t exist, she sees her everywhere.
When Abby wants to practice shooting, there she is.
When Abby goes to the gym, Ellie is there doing her physical therapy.
Even when Abby is taking a shower Ellie’s lavender soap is there reminding her of the other girls presents.
And to top it all off she can’t even hang out with her friends without seeing Ellie and it is starting to piss her off.
Abby is not sure when Ellie became such a big part of her friend group, but not even one day after getting back for the Wall, Abby came into the cafeteria and there she was sitting between Manny and Nora across from Owen laughing like she has always been there. What the hell?
It’s not that her friends can’t have other friends. Leah and Nick entered the group six months after the Salt Lake Crew came to Seattle, but something about this girl throws Abby off and she’s not sure why.
Maybe it’s her eyes, piercing green and always observing everything, judging . Or maybe it's the fact that she is always writing in her journal. What is so goddamn important to jot down all the time?
Like today she spent the whole morning just sitting there curled in her bed, the sounds of pencil scratching on paper filled the room making it hard to concentrate on the book she was reading. The only time she was able to relax was when the girl left, but even that was short lived when a knock came to her door.
Maybe some of her irritation stemmed from the fact that Owen got called to the FOB this morning and won’t be back for two weeks. It was Abby’s “Off Rotation” which meant that she technically should be relaxing, but that was never something Abby was too good at. Sure Abby could pick up an extra assignment and she often did when it was her “Off Rotation”, but Abby didn’t really want to leave Ellie alone in her room for too long.
Closing her book and throwing it on her bed she answers the door to see Manny with a towel wrapped around his hand.
“Hey Abs, I cut my hand in weapons combat practice so I’m on my way to get it fixed up, but I’m supposed to be running the combat session for the trainees today. You think you can cover for me?”
“Were you trying to do a cool trick to impress someone?”
Manny looks a little sheepish, “Maybe. I still looked cool though.”
“I’m sure.” Abby raises an eyebrow and smirks, “Yeah just let me grab my stuff.”
“Awesome you are the best.” Manny says, “Oh and you’ll get to hang out with Ellie, that girl is a machine man.”
“Great,” Abby says sarcastically more to herself than him, but of course he heard.
“What’s your problem with her anyways? She do something to you?” Manny asks, leaning against the door frame watching as Abby packed up her stuff.
“No, she's fine.” Abby shrugs, “It’s just… You know how I am about my space.”
“Ah so the person you're really mad at is Owen and you think taking it out on Ellie is… what better? The girl didn’t do anything to you.”
“Don’t you have to go fix your hand or something?”
“Okay okay,” Manny raises his hands in surrender as he exits the room, “Just be nice, the room assignment wasn’t her fault.”
_____
Ellie waits with the rest of the new trainees in a line. Manny had said he would be the one teaching today's class so Ellie wasn’t that worried. Manny was a good guy if not a bit overly flirtatious, Ellie isn’t sure if she will need to have a talk with him about her udder lack of interest in guys as anything more than a friend or if he will get the message himself.
Ellie is brought out of her thoughts when the door opens. Instead of Manny standing there with a grin Abby enters wearing the standard WLF windbreaker and combat pants she was wearing in their room.
She doesn’t greet the trainees and just walks to the front of the class unzipping her jacket to reveal her dark gray muscle tank underneath, unintentionally flexing her arm muscles as she takes the jacket off.
“Fuck,” Ellie whispers under her breath hoping that no one heard her.
Of course she can never be that lucky, Abby whips around to face the five of them.
“Does anyone have anything to say before we start?” Her voice is hard and her eyes land on each of them in turn.
It could have been Ellie’s imagination but it felt like her eyes stayed on hers for a beat longer than the others.
The group shook their heads in unison.
“Ok then let's get started.”
Abby took the group through a series of holds and locks and how to get out of them. Because there were five new recruits she always partnered up with a different person after going through a new hold. Taking the time to get to know the person's strengths and limitations, giving them pointers and things to look out for.
She was very clear and concise in her instructions and never got visibly angry with anyone who didn’t quite grasp the hold they were working on. She just breathed deeply, took a step back and found a different way to explain the concept.
The person in front of this classroom is kind, patient, and understanding which is completely different than the person Ellie shares a room with and that more than anything confuses the hell out of Ellie.
“Okay great job everyone.” Abby clappes. “Alright now let's put it all together.”
Abby looks directly at Ellie and waves her to the pat.
During their whole session, Ellie was the one person Abby had not partnered up with yet. It being the first lesson meant that there were not very many holds to go through yet so Ellie doesn’t even think it was intentional.
And she was just fine flying under Abby’s radar for the time being.
Something about being locked in a hold by Abby made her stomach flip and Ellie is not too sure if it was in a good way or a bad way, but there was no escaping it now.
* * *
It annoyed Abby how well Ellie took to everything she threw at the girl.
Throughout the class Abby could tell that she was holding back and she didn’t think it was because of her arm. For someone as scrawny looking as her, Abby could tell that she had that quiet compact strength. Where Abby’s muscles bulged visibly, Ellie’s were more hidden, but that only meant that people would underestimate her. It was intriguing in a way and Abby found herself almost excited at the prospects of fighting her.
Usually whenever Abby teaches the newbie classes she is utterly bored by how much she has to hold herself back.
As Abby and Ellie circle each other Abby doesn’t think she will have to hold herself back that much in this fight. Ellie’s eyes have a certain glint in them that tells Abby she will not be going down easy.
Abby moves first and it’s like there’s a string connecting them. A perfect push and pull to their attacks and counters. Neither one of them is doing any moves, locks, or holds that were taught in class today.
Instead they move as if they were actually sparing. Abby’s fighting style is more boxing based and Ellie uses her speed to move out of the way in just enough time. Ellie is not landing any hits, but then again she doesn’t really need to yet. It's embarrassingly far into the match before Abby realizes that Ellie is trying to wear her out so that she is easier to take down in the end. It’s a good strategy, Abby must admit, and there is really no way for Abby to counteract it without just stopping the match all together, something that Abby would never do. But let's face it Abby is already worn out and she hasn’t even been able to place Ellie into a proper hold yet.
Ellie lets out a short laugh as she ducks under Abby’s arm once again and Abby is done with this little game she’s playing. Her moves become more frantic and wild, unpredictable even to herself. Finally, Abby manages to get her into a hold they did in class. Abby’s not sure if Ellie came to the same realization as her in that moment, that the match was taking too long, because it almost felt a little too easy to get a hold of her.
Once Abby gets her into the hold she relaxes a little to allow Ellie the chance to feel around and puzzle her way out of it. She should have known that she didn’t need to go easy on her, as Ellie grabs her arm and uses the foot and a half difference in their height against her, by quickly bending down and launching Abby over her body, twisting her arm in the process and knocking the wind out of her.
“Shit sorry,” Ellie yells, letting go of Abby’s arm like it caught on fire, “Did not think you would go down that hard. I don’t know why though, I mean-”
Abby cuts her off with a wave of her hand as she catches her breath, “No it was great. Exactly what you need to do out in the field.” Still sitting on the ground Abby says to the class, “Okay everyone pair up and maybe stick to just going through the holds. We really aren’t supposed to start sparing until Wednesday.”
Everyone besides Ellie finds a partner and starts going through the holds in a sequence. A hand comes into Abby's view. Looking up Abby sees Ellie standing next to her with a hand stretched out.
After a moment Abby grabs it, more for the gestures then actually helping her get up, but she pulls herself up anyways to stand next to Ellie. “You know I went easy on you there at the end right.”
Ellie huffs a laugh, “Careful that almost sounds like something a friend would say.”
Yeah Abby can agree she kind of did deserve that one.
“Shut up.” Abby mutters.
_____
Class is dismissed not long after Ellie and Abby’s impromptu sparring match and Ellie can feel every muscle in her back from throwing Abby’s weight over it, but she is determined to find the Library.
Ellie loves Savage Starlight but there are only so many times that she can read the same four issues without getting at least a little bored. Oh how she wishes she could have brought more from that bookstore in Boise.
Ellie had run into Nick heading out of class and asked if he knew where the library was, but his directions were turning out to be shit or maybe Ellie was remembering them wrong.
But finally after asking two more people Ellie makes it to the library, how she never saw it on her way to the gym she’ll never know.
It’s a fairly big room; rows of books line the walls and fill one whole side of the room. On the other side there are tables and in the center there are two couches and a low table with a chessboard on it, its pieces half knocked over and some even rolled on the floor.
The couches look worn through and can’t possibly be that comfortable, but she guesses if you are just sitting for a game then it might be okay.
Picking an aisle at random, Ellie begins wandering. The books don’t seem to be in any particular order. History books are put right next to science fiction books right next to romance books all on the same shelf.
“Well that’s a bit annoying.” Ellie says out loud. “ Now if I was a comic book, where would I be?”
“If you were a comic book you wouldn’t be talking.”
“Jesus!” Ellie jumps not expecting there to be anyone here. “God Abby, don't sneak up on me like that, you almost gave me a heart attack.”
Abby just stands at the end of the aisle Ellie just turned down. She stands next to a pile of books on the ground with a stack of books in her arms.
“ I haven’t moved. You're the one walking around talking to yourself like a crazy person.”
“Still you could have at least made some noise or something.” Ellie leans against the bookcase with one elbow resting on a shelf, “What are you doing anyways.”
Abby lifts up the books in her hands. “What does it look like? You’ve seen the shelves. I’m organizing the books.”
“Hmm, that mean you know where the comics are?”
“I’m not a librarian, look around yourself.”
Ellie pushes off the shelf and looks around the aisle a bit. Always keeping Abby in the corner of her eye as she rounds the corner to the next aisle over.
“So…” Ellie says she can see Abby over the tops of the books on her aisle and she sees when Abby raises her eyebrow but doesn’t look up from what she is doing. “Have you decided yet?”
Frowning Abby asks, “Decided on what?”
“Whether or not you're going to continue being a dick to me this whole time?”
“Is this about not helping you find comic books?”
“Maybe. But maybe it’s also the whole you pretending I don’t exist even though we share a room and have lunch together almost everyday. Honestly it’s getting a little awkward considering we have the same friends and they all seem fine with me. So what’s your deal.”
“ My deal is none of your business. Your deal is none of mine. So we can keep our histories to ourselves. I have all the friends that I need.”
“I never said we had to be besties or anything.” Ellie squints at Abby. “How about a truce then? We can keep our histories to ourselves, like you said, but we can at the very least act like we can stand being in the same room together for longer than ten minutes.”
Abby sighs, “Fine. I’ll stop being a huge dick to you.”
“So just a regular sized dick then?” Ellie laughs at the look on Abby’s face. “Are you mad that I called you regular sized or a dick?”
“Shut up.” Abby throws a soft book at Ellie over the side of the aisle, “out of the two of us your the bigger dick”
“Oh yeah? I’m sure we can measure that later.” Ellie says laughing as she looks at the book Abby threw at her “Oh sweet I haven’t read this one yet. Thanks Abs.”
Too engrossed with her new comic Ellie doesn’t see the look Abby gives her as she walks away to sit on the lumpy couch.
Notes:
Thank you for reading!
Preview to next chapter:
Ellie's Evaluation.
Will she be able to start going on assignments?
Chapter 7: Chapter 7
Summary:
Ellie is settling into the WLF nicely, but she still has to to complete training before she can truly become a member of the WLF.
AKA. Every training story needs their version of capture the flag. (I don't make the rules, I have just read Percy Jackson lol)
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Abby and Ellie fall into this weird holding pattern.
They’re not quite friends, but also not not friends either.
Ellie is not exactly sure what to make of it, but she no longer feels like an intruder in her own room so that’s a plus. Abby has continued to help in the combat training class even after Manny came back, stating that the group was uneven so it only made sense that they add another person to help.
Ellie isn’t too sure she believes that that is Abby’s only reason to stay though. Abby and Ellie weren’t always paired together for every hold, lock, or move that was taught, but at least once every class they would find themselves jokingly grappling and talking shit to each other, usually ending in the both of them laughing and helping the other one up off the floor.
They also found themselves hanging out together in the library more often than not after training. Abby’s personal pet project seems to be organizing the bookshelves because, and in her own words, ‘None of these assholes care about being able to find anything,’ and Ellie’s personal pet project is annoying Abby.
Not so much that she gets super mad, but just enough to where Ellie can see the cute little frown she makes when she’s thinking of a good come back but can’t come up with one fast enough and just ends up saying, ‘Shut up’.
Then whenever Abby gets bored of messing with the shelves they end the night playing a game of chess until general lights out is called and they are forced to either call it a draw or try and carefully carry the board back to their room so that none of the pieces move and they can finish.
After trying that three times to disastrous ends, they decide to just leave to board in the library and if the board has not been disturbed by the next time they come back they can finish that game and if not they can start a new one.
It’s almost always still there untouched.
Lunch also got less awkward throughout the month, once Abby decided to stop pretending that Ellie didn’t exist. Although, the first time Abby willingly engaged in a conversation that Ellie had started was a bit awkward. Probably because Manny very obviously kicked her under the table to get her to say something.
It didn’t really matter though because Ellie found herself making friends with more than just Manny, Nora, and Owen. Especially when she met Whitney.
Whitney is one of the other trainees in her classes. She’s not the best by any means, but it’s also clear she’s not really trying to be. She does the bear minimum to get by and then she’s off playing her video games.
Ellie hadn’t thought much about her when they first met in class, but when Ellie saw her wipe out her portable game player they became instant best friends. Whenever Whitney runs into a level in her game that she can’t beat, she huffs and passes the game to Ellie. Getting it back again anytime soon is another story completely, regardless of whether Ellie can beat the level or not.
Overall, Ellie feels like she is settling in nicely here. She feels more comfortable around these people than she ever did in the two years she spent in Jackson. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that no one here tried to pretend like the world wasn’t a hellscape.
In Jackson it was so easy to live like the outside world no longer existed and that everyone was safe, but here between the infected and the Scars, no one could mistake what they are doing for anything other than a means of survival with no guarantees in living through the next day. Especially with a motto like, “May your survival be long. May your death be swift”.
Maybe Ellie just operated better with a constant low level threat of danger hanging over her head.
And today that low level might just get a little higher. Today is evaluation and ranking day for the trainees.
Ellie should probably feel less nervous then she does, she has been doing this shit her whole life afterall. Sure FEDRA wasn’t handing out guns like they were candy, but still. Between her childhood in the FEDRA military school and learning how to shoot with Tommy and Joel on patrol–––hell even before getting to Jackson she spent months hunting for food with a bow and arrow in the dead of winter–––the classes the WLF were teaching felt almost too easy. So what if that meant the exams will be nothing like the classes? What if she just got shit teachers?
Owen and Manny told her that the evaluation will be a day long event consisting of three different parts. A written exam, a shooting exam, and a timed mile.
The written exam is first and lasts for around an hour. There are geographical, historical, and field medic sections to the test, but it is mostly based on the infected; what to look for in order to determine if infected are near, different spore types, what weapons worked best on different types of infected, basic stuff like that that she had learned both on the road with Joel and in her old school.
Then comes the shooting exams. This one has two parts. The first is done in the indoor shooting range to test their speed and accuracy in shooting and reloading. In the next part, they are to be taken just out of the stadium where their strategy and stealth would be tested.
Then the timed mile is much like it sounds.
“You’ll know if you pass right away, but really there is a fourth test that determines your rank and generally what tasks you will be best suited for and most likely what kind of assignments you will go out on.” Owen tells Ellie as they both walk to the testing center. Owen, Manny, Abby, Jordan, and Nick had all volunteered to help proctor the evaluation so Ellie is sure she will see all of her friends at some point today. So that made her feel better, at least a little bit. Owen was picked to start by proctoring the written exam and Abby was picked to assist in the shooting exams, which meant that she had to get up extra early to ensure that the weapons were up to standards.
“Yeah and what is that?”
“Your first assignment.” He smiles, “I’m sure you’ll do fine, don't worry so much.”
With a clap on her back Ellie enters the first testing center.
* * *
Two hours later Ellie is feeling much better about the whole thing. The test was easy and her cluster of bullets were pretty much grouped together after she got used to the kickback of the gun they had her use, unfortunately not her pistol. She was now being loaded into the back of a Humvee with the others. Abby and Owen in the front seat. There are two other cars loaded with WLF soldiers, one driving ahead and one behind them.
When they got to the range it resembled more of a maze than an obstacle course. High walls surround the course so that if you are standing on ground level near it you can not see what is happening inside. Fortunately, the course is in a slight valley so Ellie could just make out a mixture of chest hight and taller walls littering the grounds around a building at the center, as well as WLF soldiers already waiting inside the course as their car drives in.
“Okay you will all enter the course from a different point at staggering times. Your task is to locate the flag with your corresponding assigned color and bring it out of the course without being shot by the enemies scattered throughout the course. Once shot, the enemies will drop their paintball guns where they were hit and stay there until a horn is blown signaling the end of the test, if you are hit, raise your gun in the air and exit the maze. No head shots. Each of you will be armed with a paintball gun with the corresponding color to your flag.” Abby says when the group exits the Humvee.
Around the perimeter of the course are nine colored walls all with an opening in them; orange, purple, red, blue, yellow, green, black, brown, and white.
“Okay Whitney you're first.” Abby points to the blue wall and passes her a paintball gun.
Before Whitney enters, she turns to Ellie who gives her two thumbs up and a smile. Smiling back, she enters.
They wait a few minutes before calling the next person, then the next, until it is just Ellie.
“Ok you're up.” Abby says standing next to the green wall.
“Good luck” Abby whispers as she hands Ellie her paintball gun.
With a quick nob Ellie enters the course.
If Ellie had to guess most of the enemies should be in that building in the center. So if Ellie can somehow get to the roof that should give her both a clear view of the rest of the course and where her flag is.
Staying close to the walls that face the building to not be seen Ellie moves slowly closer to the back of the building where she hopes there are less windows.
She sees a figure that she recognizes crouched behind a short wall. Sneaking up to the wall across from her friend. Three guards are between them.
Shots fire from the other side of the building making the three guards look in that direction and away from Ellie and Whitney.
Ellie quickly shoots one, Whitney the other and they both target the third at the same time.
“Damn it Ellie. I didn’t even get to shoot anyone yet.” Jordan whisper-yells, throwing up his hands and the two other people with him all put their guns down on the ground.
“Sorry J, it’s the name of the game. Now shut up you're supposed to be dead.”
Jordan just waves her off and lays down on the ground with the other two WLF members. One of them pulls out a stack of cards.
Whitney and Ellie move on slowly continuing their way to the building, shooting enemies along the way until they make it to the back of the building.
Stopping just within the last row of chest high walls, Whitney turns to Ellie, “Okay, what's your plan?”
“You see that fire ladder?” Ellie says, nodding to the back of the building, “If you boost me up I can get to the roof. They’ll be watching the front and not expecting anything to come sweeping down from the top. Then we can both see where our flags are from up there
Whitney nods and the two of them make their way to the building without detection. After looking around Whitney crouches and laces her hands together to help lift Ellie up, barely, to the first ring of the ladder. It takes all of Ellie's new arm strength to get her body up enough for her leg to reach high enough for her to start climbing properly.
A guard from the house must have heard something and Ellie hears a shot from Whitney and groans from the guard, but she doesn’t turn to look, trusting Whitney to have her back.
When Ellie reaches the top she sees three things.
One, the green flag pole; two, a Bolt Action sniper paintball gun, and three, a line of different colored paintball cartridges on a small table next to the gun.
“Holy shitballs.” Ellie whispers, switching her gun for the sniper. She looks through the scope after she loads the green paintball cartridges in the gun. She scans the maze and she can see where all the other colored flags are. If she hadn’t gotten on the roof first she would have been wandering the maze for ages. Giving the area one last swipe she sees two guards closing in on one of the other trainees as they come close to their flag. Ellie isn’t sure if the guard had seen them yet, but with a quick shot they are out of the game anyway so it doesn’t matter. “I will definitely be coming back for you baby.”
Switching for her gun again. Ellie sneaks to the door leading from the roof to the rest of the building. Listening intently before opening the door to the staircase Ellie creeps down the stairs. The building was only three floors, four if you count the roof, and shaped more like a square than a rectangle. The third floor consists of three rooms and a wallway. The first doesn’t have anyone in it. The second Ellie could hear laughter. Picking up a bottle, Ellie reenters the first empty room she came across and throws the bottle to crash into the stairs banister.
The laughter stops. The second and third doors both swing open, two come out of the second room and one comes out of the third. Ellie shoots them all in quick succession as they pass her door.
“Damn.” Nick says lowering his gun.
Ellie raises her finger to her lips telling them to be quiet and with a wink she moves on to the next floor in this fashion.
The building isn’t as heavily guarded as she thought it would be and she has the floors cleared in no time. Ellie exits the door and waves Whitney in.
Back on the roof Ellie lets Whitney look for her flag and a path to it through the scope. “Something doesn’t feel right about all this. It's been way too easy so far,” she says, “This building should be heavily guarded and we cleared it in what five, ten minutes? Something's up.”
“What’s your plan?” Whitney asks, handing the sniper paintball gun back
“You head down and grab your flag. I’ll clear the path for you from here just in case.”
“You don’t have to do that, your flag is right there just grab it and go.”
“Yeah and so is the sniper paintball gun, which by the way is extremely fun to shoot. Besides, clearing you a path is clearing me a path so it’s a win win. Just go Whit.” Ellie says lightly pushing her to the stairs “I’ll be right behind you when you get your flag.”
_______
“Remember guys, don’t all just camp in the house. This is an exercise for you too.” Abby says into the radio shortly after Ellie enters the maze.
After the new recruiters have been in the maze for a little under half an hour Abby turns to the rest of the WLF that volunteered to help out with this portion of the evaluation. “Okay everyone you all heard me before this is as much a drill for them as it is for us. So let’s go in and get ‘em. Manny, Nick, Alexia and I will be lending the groups in the push. Listen to your assigned leader and let’s kick some ass.”
Manny, Nick, and Alexia all nod motioning for their teams to follow them.
Abby watches the other teams enter the maze before entering herself. Each team is made up of five people and it’s not long after they enter that they start to see something strange, something that Abby couldn’t quite wrap her head around at first.
When they came across the first few soldiers everything seemed pretty normal. Some guards were sitting with orange or red paint on them. These guards were typically bunched together which is what they expect from this kind of exercise. What started to get weird was the overwhelming amount of green paint that started popping up.
At first, the green paint was accompanied with blue almost like they teamed up.
This was nothing new.
The test was a bit freeform for a reason. There was no rule against trainees teaming up, although most choose to complete the course solo. In fact the last time a group banded together to complete the course was Abby’s group of former Fireflies. So seeing green and blue paint decorating the WLF members was not surprising at first, considering the fact that Ellie and Whitney did become fast friends over the course of the last month.
It was not unheard of for close knit groups to form during training, but usually people didn’t really know how they would perform as part of a team so soon, which was why the announcements of the rankings were saved until after the new WLF members or trainees went on their first group mission.
This was all fairly standard, what was not standard was the next group that they came across. All ten of them were shot with green paint, no other color.
“What happened?” Abby asks the group, all either sitting down or leaning against the walls.
They all started to talk at once. “Man it was like a ghost–––Came out of nowhere.---How’d she even get up there in the first place––– ”
'She found the sniper gun then didn’t she?' Abby thinks. 'No one ever finds the sniper gun this early.'
“Ok everyone listen up,” Abby says to her group. “Spread out, circle the building and try to get to the roof. Try to stay hidden.”
Her team all nod crouching down low to stay behind the walls as they start to spread out.
Abby’s team splits up and Abby finds herself alone trying to stay hidden behind the walls as she tries to find a way closer to the building. No sooner has Abby rounded her first corner to bring her closer to the building then she feels a sharp sting on her chest. A direct hit… of green paint.
Abby whips her head up to the roof of the building to see the figure of Ellie standing dangerously on the ledge pointing the sniper paintball gun directly at Abby. She must have been tracking her for who knows how long before shooting her. Abby raises her middle finger knowing that Ellie would still be looking through the scope at her.
Abby sees the figure get off the ledge and she can imagine Ellie’s smile and laugh as she refocuses on the other WLF coming for her. Abby should be mad that she got out so soon, but she has to admit that Ellie is doing a God damn good job at this test, probably the best the WLF has seen in a long time. With nothing else to do except wait for the horn to sound signaling the end of the test, she puts her gun down and watches what the figure will do next.
_______
Ellie laughs at Abby’s clear disdain for being shot, but hey at least she had the decency to wait until she was alone before shooting her. That has to count for something right? Hopefully she won't be too mad at her at least.
Ellie was right though, of course they would send in more people as a sort of simulation of what a real battle might look like and Ellie already spent too much time on tracking Abby’s group.
She scans around the ground with the scope, spotting and shooting three more from Abby’s team. She lost count of how many entered in total, but there can’t be that many left can there?
Moving from one side of the building to the other she sees that Whitney must have grabbed her flag at some point, but Ellie couldn’t find her. Hopefully she made it out of the maze okay.
Seeing more WLF creeping forward on this side of the building Ellie shoots. She knows that her position is compromised and that she should probably get moving, but as long as she can still see people moving around she has to keep shooting them, only this time she tries to keep the roof door in view as well. After every shot she takes, Ellie looks to make sure the door has not opened.
This turns out to be a good habit when the door opens and before Ellie can really truly register who is on the other side, Ellie has her sniper gun switched with her closer ranged paintball gun.
On the other side Manny stands with his finger close to the trigger. “You really going to town here aren’t you mama?”
“Manny, I’m really sorry for this, but you know what I have to do now right?”
Manny laughs pulling the tigger, but Ellie is faster, diving away.
Gunshots sound.
“Damn that hurts. You really had to shoot me in the back?” Manny turns around to show Whitney in the stairwell behind him.
“Whitney, what are you doing? You should be out of the maze already."
“Yeah well! I’m not,” Whitney shrugs, “now grab your flag and let's get out of here.”
With a short laugh, Ellie picks herself off the ground and grabs her flag.
_______
The horn finally sounds letting all the slain WLF know that they can start making their way out of the maze now.
When Abby exits the maze she sees that the hit WLF guards have organized themselves based on the color of who shot them. It doesn’t surprise her at all that green heavily outweighs the others as Abby goes to stand with the other greens. Owen holds a clipboard recording the results. Judging from the looks of the trainees two out of five of them were shot.
“37 out of 60! You little shit that has to be some kind of record. Some of those shared though, but still, great job.” Owen says proudly turning to Ellie, “A respectable 11 for Whitney, talk about a surprising turn of events. Great job Whitney. 6 for Alex, nicely done Alex. And Jonathan and Shelley both of you were shot, but you did get 4 and 2 respectively, still very good and you both lasted longer than half an hour before getting shot, not an easy thing to do. You should both feel good about that.”
Abby claps her hands and steps out of the green group, “Okay that’s enough, back in the Humvee we still have the mile. And since we’re talking about records I think the time to beat for that one is 8:05.”
Ellie did it in 6:58.
Notes:
Thank you for reading!
Not going to lie I think I rewrote this 3 times so it's probably not my best, but hey it had to get done. So now that Ellie is fully accepted in the WLF we can get the story really going.
Preview to next chapter:
Party time to celebrate the end of training!
Ellie gets a little too drunk and Abby gets... jealous?👀
Chapter 8: Chapter 8
Summary:
This whole chapter is a party lol
Ellie gets a bit too drunk and Abby gets... jealous.
This chapter does contain underaged drinking and smoking weed.
Honestly all pretty canon compliant, but if that bothers you be warned.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“So you’re choosing to tell me that there is a party to celebrate all of the new recruits passing the evaluation now.”
“Well yeah get up, put some clothes on and let's go.”
Abby had burst into their room while Ellie was asleep only to rip the covers off her body and then proceed to ask why Ellie was not ready yet. Ellie was just glad she had changed into her hoodie before crashing after running the fastest mile of her life instead of just ripping off her clothes and laying down. God does Ellie miss having a room to herself where she could sleep topless if she wanted to. Secretly, Ellie must admit to herself that she can forgive Abby for being a bitch to her when she first arrived. If she had this place to herself, she also would not want to be suddenly sharing the space, but she will never tell Abby that.
“You still could have told me that this is a thing you guys do so I could have prepared a little bit.” Ellie rubs her sleep filled eyes. Glancing at her wrist watch she sees that she got a good two hour nap in.
“What’s there to prepare? You just have to put on some pants and you’ll be fine.”
“I don’t really like parties Abby.”
“You’re going to be wishing you came to this party once you're officially on the assignment board. We don’t really do them that much as a whole community. Only on really special occasions and unfortunately for you, you did just break a stadium record so you kinda have to come. Besides, it's more an excuse to drink and get a little high.”
“You guys have weed.” Ellie sat up tilting her head.
“Oh so that got your attention, I see. Yeah Leah knows a guy. She won’t tell us who grows, but I think it's just her. No one gets weed by just knowing a guy.”
“I used to know a guy who grew. Man’s a legend, his name’s Eugene, good guy.”
“Yeah, I'm still not interested in your life story. You want the weed or not?”
“Point taken.” Ellie says standing up to throw back on her combat pants.
“Didn’t you just wear those in your evaluation?”
“They smell fine.” Ellie shrugs, “Besides, they're about to just end up smelling of weed anyways.”
“I guess you make a point. Not a good point, but a point.”
“Shut the fuck up. Now who's waiting on who?”
Abby laughs as she tears off her shirt. Ellie pretends that dirt under her nails is suddenly the most interesting thing in the room, definitely not Abby’s impressive back muscles as she changes her shirt and pants.
“Come on,” Abby says, turning around. When Ellie looks up she sees Abby in a gray long sleeve ribbed shirt with five buttons going midway down her chest and black jeans. Ellie has to admit that she looks good. Softer even with her arms covered, Ellie kinda wishes she went with a short sleeve option although if Ellie is planning on getting high maybe it’s a good thing Abby is more covered up.
Abby walks up the stairs to stand before Ellie looking her up and down, Ellie feels her heart start to pick up the pace under her stare, “Owen and them are waiting.” Abby says, hitting Ellie’s shoulder as she passes her on her way out the door again.
Oh yeah, she’s straight. Get it together Ellie. Ellie thinks as she follows her to wherever this party is being held and vows to try and not make a fool out of herself.
The party is already in full swing in the Dining Hall by the time Abby and Ellie arrive to find their group. Manny, Owen, Nora, and Whitney all greet them as Manny hands her a drink. Mel and Leah look to be in a deep conversion just a little bit away from the group, So Ellie isn’t sure they realize that they have arrived yet..
“God this is awful.” Ellie says, taking a sip.
“Be thankful." Manny says, also nursing a glass, "It's better than whatever Owen’s been cooking up at the aquarium.”
“Hey come on man, it's not that bad. Tell them Abs.” Owen nuggets Abby when she goes to stand next to him after getting her own drink, a beer.
“You’re right it's not bad.”
“Thank you.” Owen says,
“Bad is too nice a word. Terrible? Horrible?” Abby takes a sip to hide her smile at her retort.
“Horrendous? We are looking for synonyms right.” Ellie adds in.
“Okay come on, stop it.” Mel says, turning from her conversation with Leah.
“Thank you Mel.” Owen says
“Besides I think atrocious is the word you’re looking for.”
The group all laugh as Owen looks a bit chest fallen until Abby puts her arms around him pulling him in for a small peck on the cheek. Ellie looks away from the scene rolling up her sleeves already regretting not changing into an actual shirt as now she is stuck in just her hoodie.
“Hey I was meaning to tell you, but I kept forgetting.” Nora says, pulling Ellie out of her thoughts, “I noticed your tattoo and I don’t know if you want to finish it, but if you do Nick’s friend Adam is really talented and has a set up.”
Ellie hadn’t really put a whole lot of thought into finishing the design. A part of her feels like letting someone else finish the tattoo would somehow dishonor her friendship with Cat, but another part of her, a stronger part of her, can’t deny how great it would feel to finally have her scar completely covered.
That is the part of her that wins out when she says, “Really! That’s amazing. What does he want for it?”
“Want? Like to trade? I don’t know you’d have to ask him, but Nick should be able to make the introductions. I’ll let him know you're interested.”
* * *
At some point in the night, and Ellie is not entirely sure when, she finds herself sitting on a table with Manny’s dad, each of them with a guitar on their laps strumming along as the man sings a song Ellie doesn’t know. Her fingers are surprisingly steady as she plays the cords she thinks would harmonize will with the notes Mr. Alvarez picks.
The tune is unarguably more upbeat and faster then she is used to, but she doesn’t think she does half bad especially when Mr. Alvarez finishes letting the cords naturally fade as he turns to her clapping and says, “That was wonderful. I haven’t played like that in a very long time.”
“Thank you Mr. Alvarez.” Ellie says, smiling. “That was really fun.”
He shakes his head at her, “Please call me George. Who taught you how to play so well?”
“Um…” Ellie rubs at her left ear, “Just a guy I traveled with for a bit.”
“He must have been a great teacher. You want to play another one?” George eyes light up as he asks.
“Come on, papá I’m sure Ellie doesn’t want to play with you all night.” Manny says, pulling Ellie away.
“Oh fine. But we will play again soon. Go,” George waves them off, “have fun out there.”
“Sorry about my papá. If he hassles you about playing again just let me know.” Manny says once they are a bit away from the table.
“Don’t sweat it, that was great.” Ellie says, swiping another drink from a table as they pass, “Man I haven’t played in a while. I forgot how much I missed it. ”
Manny leads her out to the balcony where people have gathered to smoke. Finding a place to sit on the stairs he takes out a joint and lights it in quick suggestion. After taking a drag he passes it to her.
“So…” Manny sits back puffing up his chest. Something Ellie has seen him do before asking a girl out plenty of times.
Maybe it was how much she drank or the smoke filling her lungs, but Ellie knew exactly where this conversation was going and had to stop it before their friendship got awkward.
“Manny,” Ellis puts a hand on his shoulder, “before you say something embarrassing you should know that you and I,” she waves her other hand, the one with the joint, between the two of them, “Let's just say that we aim for the same target if you know what I mean.”
Manny looks over at her confused. “What?”
“Oh come on Manny,” she lets his shoulder go, “Do I really have to spell it out for you? I like women, you like women. Same target.”
“Oh..” Manny widens his eyes then laughs sitting back in a fake nonchalant attitude, “I totally already knew that.”
“You didn’t know shit.” Ellie says, punching him lightly on the shoulder.
Manny huffs out a laugh rubbing the back of his head, “Thanks for letting me know, that could have been really embarrassing. For you, not me. Because I knew that already.”
“Right.” Ellie laughs passing the joint back to him.
They are silent for a while, just passing the joint back and forth, “So… Thoughts on Amy?”
“The weather chick?” Ellie shrugs, a small laugh escaping her lips, “She cute, but she can do so much better than you.”
_______
Abby is having a hard time concentrating on whatever Nick is talking about, though that might just be the weed.
Jordan, Nora, Leah, Mel, Nick, Owen and her have all been sitting on a few couches and chairs that they arranged in a circle to more easily pass a joint around before their group broke off into their smaller ones.
Jordan and Leah disappeared, Nora and Nick are deep in conversion, and Owen left to grab another beer for her and hasn’t come back yet.
Her eyes scan the crowd not really knowing what she is looking for.
“He’s over there.” Mel spoke up from next to her.
Abby’s head felt both heavy and floaty when she turned to Mel. “Who’s where?”
“Owen. He’s over there with Ellie.” Mel says expectantly and something in her tone of voice tells Abby that she expects her to get mad.
“So what? He can talk to people.” Abby says, but still turns in the direction Mel indicated.
Abby’s eyes immediately find Ellie in the crowd and it was like an anchor holding her steady. She couldn’t hear Ellie’s laugh over the noise of the crowd, but she felt it. She wanted to tell everyone to shut up so she could hear her or at least get up and go to her. She wanted to find out what was making her laugh so hard. Small strains of Ellie's hair had broken free from her low ponytail blocking Abby’s view of her green eyes and Abby wanted more than anything to be able to move the hair out of her face. Maybe braid her hair back so that she could see more of her face and neck. What would Ellie look like with a braid running down her back, her hair was just long enough for it to reach her shoulder blades.
“I know what you're thinking Abby. She’s your roommate,” Mel says. Abby’s hopes that no one can hear her heart races as anxiety crashes into her. “How can she flirt so blatantly with someone she knows is your boyfriend?”
“Oh,” Abby relaxes though she doesn’t fully understand why.
Turning back to Ellie, Abby finally notices that Ellie is in fact standing with Manny and Owen. All three of them are taking turns flipping Ellie's pocket knife, it looks like Ellie is trying to teach them a trick, cup in one hand and knife in the other.
“I trust Owen, besides it looks to me like the only thing she is trying to do is show him a party trick.”
“You don’t mind at all that someone can look at them and get the wrong impression?”
Abby turns back to Mel, “Look I get it. You’re looking out for me, you’re a good friend like that, my best friend even, but if I’m worried about my relationship then I'll talk with Owen about it.”
“You don’t have to worry about Ellie.” Mel says, looking down at her hands, “She assured me that Owen was not her type.”
“Then why’d you bring it up?” Something twists in Mel’s face that Abby can’t name in her intoxicated state and she shrugs. “But, you're right she is keeping my drink away from me.”
Abby yells for Owen to come back with her cup. Manny and Ellie follow, Ellie throwing her knife behind her back and catching it with the same hand she threw it with in front of her.
“See it’s not hard, just don’t cut yourself and your good.” Ellie says as she walks up.
“Oh yeah that’s what I was doing wrong.” Owen says coming to sit in his seat between Abby and Mel on the couch. Abby lends into him after Owen puts his arm around her shoulders.
Manny sits on the chair that Jordan and Leah vacated, leaving the only other place for Ellie to sit, the other couch next to Nora. Nora straightens up as Ellie sits next to her.
“I didn’t know you played the guitar. You were great with Manny’s dad.” Nora says ignoring her conversation with Nick.
“Oh no that wasn’t anything special and definitely isn’t what I normally play, but George was great. Man, I wish I had brought my guitar with me when I came.” Ellie mutters the last part, but Abby can still hear her.
“What music do you like then?”
“Only the classics. You know Van Halen, Led Zeppelin, AD/DC, Motley Crue, some Pearl Jams on occasion, maybe some blues too.”
“Hmm. that’s very hard rock cowboy of you.” Nora laughs, turning fully to face Ellie lending one arm over the back of the couch.
“Well then Yippee-ki-yay Motherfucker.” Ellie says, sipping on her drink and lending slowly in towards Nora.
Abby, following their whole conversion, interjects, “What’s that from?”
Ellie pulls back, her eyes, a little glazed over from the smoke and alcohol, widens like she forgot there were other people around. “Hmm? What from where?”
“That saying. I think I heard it from somewhere, but I don’t remember and now it’s bothering me.” Abby shrugs, hoping that her actions can be blamed on being inebriated, but Abby knows she is not nearly as far gone as she should be to be acting the way she is.
“Die Hard .” Ellie says. Then, at Abby’s confused face continues, “Don’t tell me you haven’t seen Die Hard ! We have got to watch it this Christmas. It’s the best Christmas movie ever.”
“It’s not a fucking Christmas movie pendejo.” Manny speaks up from his chair next to her.
“It takes place on Christmas.”
“No it doesn’t, next you’ll say that The Nightmare Before Christmas is a Christmas movie.”
“That is a Christmas movie though! It has the word Christmas in the title.” Ellie yells, lending forward and away from Nora.
Abby chooses to ignore the shot of happiness that shoots through her as Ellie refocuses on arguing with Manny and not continuing her conversation with Nora. She tells herself that she’ll think about it later as she settles in and listens to Ellie’s very valid points on why Ghoustbusters II and Rocky IV are also both Christmas movies.
As the night wears on Nick, Nora, and Mel all head back to their rooms early.
“Ok fine, I’ll give you The Nightmare Before Christmas, but the others, no way. But I’m too drunk and tired to argue with you anymore. I'm going to bed.” Manny says getting up “You two will make sure she gets back okay right?”
“I’m fine. I don’t need a babysitter, I can get back to my room by myself.” Ellie says standing up and immediately sways dangerously.
Abby and Owen both raise a hand to steady her.
“I got her.” Owen says going to Ellie’s side.
“No, I'll take her. She’s my roommate.” Abby is still too drunk to really think about why she has to take care of her instead of Owen. “You should head back with Manny and make sure he gets there okay.”
“He’ll be fine.” No sooner had the words left his lips than Manny ran into a plant. “On second thought you might be right.”
“Yeah I usually am.” Abby says, taking Ellie’s hand in hers. They were a little cold despite her hoodie. Although it was the middle of fall, the weather was getting colder and they were outside.
“I was just kinda hoping that, you know, after we set her up we could, you know…” Owen looks a little embarrassed.
“Are you guys seriously talking about boning in front of me?” Ellie laughs, doubling over and falling back onto the couch. “That’s so funny.”
Abby looks between Owen and Ellie still giggling on the couch.
“Hell I’ll just stay here, you two go forth and bang.” Ellie says, turning to nestle into the couch cushions.
Owen raises his eyebrows, clearing asking if they could.
Abby shakes her head, rolling her eyes, “No Ellie, come on. You are not sleeping outside in the cold on a couch.”
“Oh come on, this isn’t even the worst place I’ve slept in my life.” Ellie says, throwing a leg over the top of the couch.
Owen puts his hand on her shoulder, “Abby.”
“I said no Owen.” Abby shakes off his arm, “We can talk tomorrow right now I have to take care of Ellie.”
Abby barely catches the distant look of hurt in Owen’s eyes before he raises his hands into the air and walks aways muttering, “Fine.”
Abby grabs Ellie's arm and pulls her to sit up. Ellie’s eyes are still closed. “Ellie, how much did you drink tonight?”
“Umm.. well I had that horrible drink that Manny made like four times? I think and then two of this clear stuff that Manny’s dad gave me and then Owen handed me a beer that I think was actually yours. Sorry about that by the way.” Abby cradles Ellie in her arms as she talks and lifts her up. “Then I’m pretty sure I stole Nick's drink when I was destroying Manny and his Christmas movie bullshit. So how many is that.”
“Too many Ellie, way too many.”
Abby makes it to their room and manages to open the door all with Ellie softly snoring in her arms. She tries to place Ellie down in her bed as carefully as she can to not wake her, but she must have been unsuccessful. When Abby looks up after transferring Ellie from her arms to the bed she is faced with striking green eyes staring into her blue ones.
Abby comes to the realization that their faces are far too close, yet somehow not close enough at the same time and she is frozen. Ellie turns over to face her head on, bringing her face even closer to Abby’s. If she wanted to, Abby could count all of the freckles on Ellie’s face, even the tiny ones on the bridge of her nose.
Abby can’t move. She can’t even breathe properly.
Ellie’s hand slowly starts to play with the tail end of Abby’s braid. “Can I ask you a question Abby?”
Abby slowly nods her head, not trusting her voice.
“Are we…” Ellie looks directly into Abby’s soul through her eyes and it terrifies her. “Are we friends? Can we be friends now?”
Abby lets all the air in her lungs out in a short laugh. She’s not sure what she was expecting her question to be, but that was not it, “Yes. We can be friends now. Now get some rest, your head is going to kill you in the morning.”
With every step away from Ellie’s bed, Abby feels an overwhelming sense of wrongness that she can’t put her finger on.
Maybe she’s just tried.
Maybe it will make more sense in the morning. But somehow she doubts that anything will ever make sense again to her as long as Ellie is here.
Notes:
Thank you for reading!
I was not lying when I said this was a slow burn.
Also what's your take on Die Hard? Christmas movie not a Christmas movie? Let me know.
Preview to next chapter:
Ellie and Abby deal with their hangover and Abby has a much needed talk with Mel.
Chapter 9: Chapter 9
Summary:
I am not sure what came over me when I was writing this chapter, but someone needs to get Ellie a glass of water because she is dehydrated for Abby in this chapter.
Home girl is thirsty and Abby just wants to share her love of working out.
Also Abby has a much needed talk with Mel and gets confronted about her relationship with Owen.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Ellie wakes up with a splitting headache to the sound of Abby flipping the page of her latest book. It’s a small sound that should barely register in her mind at all, given how many times she has heard it in the past, yet now feels all consumingly loud.
“Can you do me a favor and shoot me the next time you see me with alcohol?” Ellie calls out to her.
“Only if you do the same for me.” Abby answers, laying propped up on her pillows.
“Deal.” Ellie rolls over, throwing a pillow over her head and groaning into the darkness of her mattress.
Ellie hears Abby’s bed creak and the thud of her putting her book on her bed stand.
“You want my hangover cure?”
“God yes.” Ellie risks peeking out from under her pillow to see Abby pop up from her bed at a speed that should not be possible for someone who claims to also have a hangover, “Okay get dressed in comfy clothes, something stretchy.”
There have been few times in Ellie's life where she truly asks herself how she got to where she is. Not in a dissociative way, but more in the ‘what life decision did she do so wrong to get her here’ kind of way.
That is what she asks herself as the late morning sun fills the empty gym, because who else would willingly go to the gym after a night of drinking.
So Ellie technically knows how she got here, watching Abby load plates onto a barbell, but that doesn’t mean she knows why she is still here or why she hadn’t turned around and walked out of the room immediately when it became clear where they were going.
“I take back ever wanting to be your friend.” Ellie says, staring at the fully loaded barbell.
“Too bad, you asked, and now you have to deal with the consequences.” Abby puts the final touches on, the barbell clips.
“Is it too late to pretend that I don’t remember asking to be your friend?” Ellie asks, “We can totally go back to being loathsome strangers. I can be okay with you pretending I don’t exist.”
“Nope, way too late for that.” Abby turns the clips like she wants to say something else, but instead looks up at Ellie and asks, “Spot me?”
“I can’t spot you!” Ellie bursts out a laugh, “I can maybe stand behind you and shout ‘Go Abby lift that motherfucker’ but that’s about it. This body was really made for speed and endurance, not for strength.”
Ellie tries not to squirm under Abby’s scrutiny, as she looks her up and down slowly. Ellie must be imagining the heated look in Abby’s piercing blue eyes, because the look is gone as soon as it appears as she abruptly turns away adjusting the clips on the bar one more time.
“We will have to fix some of that then.” Abby mutters so low that Ellie isn’t sure if she was supposed to hear or not, then louder says, “I’m doing a deload anyways. I can probably lift it all solo. Then we can switch, but don't worry, we’ll start lighter than this for you.”
* * *
Not that Ellie is complaining about seeing her very attractive roommate lift very heavy objects and put them back down again, but she can’t decide if it is making her head feel better or worse that Abby’s definition of 'comfy clothes' consists of loose sweatpants and a sports bra.
Sure she started out with an oversized t-shirt, but at some point ditched it after their first warm up set and now Ellie can see every vein and muscle in her arms and abs flex as she pushes the bar up and brings it down to her chest only to repeat the pattern again.
True to her word Abby didn’t really need Ellie at all, though she did help her get ready at the top of each set, as she has seen other people do when she was coming here for her physical therapy all those months ago.
They have been taking turns on the bench, Abby slowly decreasing her load as she increases Ellie’s based on how many reps she could do in a row.
It was actually pretty nice, until her sets got heavier.
Something that Ellie had not thought of until it was happening to her was that for every time she had the privilege of watching Abby’s muscles strain to lift the bar, Abby would also have to watch her attempt to do it as well. But, unlike Ellie who just kind of stood there trying not to get in the way, Abby is right there making it increasingly difficult to concentrate on doing anything else other than staring up at her.
Ellie knows logically that Abby is just trying to keep her safe as she finds out what the max weight she can press is. But every time Ellie finds herself laying on the bench, head close to Abby’s thighs, as she moves closer to Ellie’s head, ready to help her lift the bar off the J-cups, she has to constantly remind herself to breathe normally as she looks up into those piercing blue eyes.
“It's getting too hot in here.” Abby says, after her latest set. Standing up from the bench to let Ellie lay down, she removes her sweatpants only to reveal tight biker shorts hugging her thighs, before stepping into position behind Ellie.
“Fuck.” Ellie breathes out, hoping that Abby could not hear her or at least think that it has something to do with the weight on the bar and not Ellie seeing her thickly coiled thighs out of the corner of her eyes.
“Hang on. I’m not ready.” Ellie says when Abby goes to grab the bar ready to help her lift it to the starting position.
Ellie closes her eyes and tries desperately not to think about them in a very similar position though without the bar in her hands, or clothes on for that matter, the bench could stay though for some leverage.
Ellie shakes her head to try and clear her thoughts hoping her blush can be explained away by the exertion of the workout, even though Ellie has been resting for over three minutes now.
Shaking her head once again and repeating her new mantras of ‘don’t fuck up the friendship,’ and ‘she is in a relationship’ and, lets not forget, the ‘she isn’t even interested in women stop being a creep’ over and over in her head. When Ellie finally opens her eyes she sees that blue gaze looking down at her. Abby is bent over, her forehead leaning against her folded arms on the bar where Ellie’s hands bracket her form.
“Okay I’m good.” Ellie lies weakly.
Abby looks her directly in the eye for a beat too long before standing up straight and helping her lift the bar off the stand to begin her set.
* * *
“I don’t think this is helping me.” Ellie says, sometime later laying down like a starfish.
They have moved on to squatting and that is somehow worse than the bench press. Instead of looking up at Abby, she was now behind Ellie. Not touching her, yet Ellie can still feel Abby behind her always there in case she needs her.
Before starting, Abby told her the basics of how spotting a squat works, what she will do, and where she will touch her if it looks like Ellie needs help.
It is nice in a frustrating kind of way. The ghost of Abby’s hands are almost worse than if Abby would just touching her. At least when they were sparring there is some kind of tactical expectation without it being deeply inappropriate.
Throughout the entire work out, Abby has been nothing but professional. Yet that does not stop Ellie’s mind from going where it shouldn’t. Maybe she's still a little drunk. Ellie thinks. That would probably explain it, or at least that is the lie Ellie chooses to tell herself. It doesn’t help her feel any less disgusted with herself at the moment though. All she can do is thank whoever is up in the sky that Abby had decided to put back on her oversized t-shirt for the squats or else Ellie thinks she might have died.
“Really? I feel great.” Abby says drinking from her water bottle before passing it to Ellie.
Ellie takes a deep gulp. They had been at it for a little over an hour and little by little more people began to trickle into the room, though it is still mostly quiet.
“But if you're not feeling it, you don’t have to stay. Just remember to get some electrolytes in your system and a meal.”
“How much longer are you planning on being here?” Ellie looks up from her spot on the ground.
Abby shrugs, “Not long, I just want to do another set before calling it and getting some food, I’m starving.”
Ellie pretends to think about it still on the ground, “I’ll stay for you to finish then, you know, for moral support or whatever.”
“You just don’t want to move do you?”
“Ding ding ding we have a winner.”
Ellie can’t take her eyes off Abby as she finishes her last set. All the while telling herself that it’s because Abby added ten more pounds to the bar and might need help.
She didn’t.
_____
Abby doesn’t usually force her friends to come to the gym with her, but she must admit that working out with Ellie has been a completely different experience then what she is used to. The fact that Ellie had ample opportunity to walk out of the gym and didn’t take it, pleasantly surprised her.
She is used to lifting alone no matter if the gym wass full or not. She would just lift light weights for a lot of reps to help tire herself out before trying to go to bed most nights or she would ask one of the other guys in the gym to spot her if she was trying to hit a max during the day.
She didn’t really do workout buddies, but something about teaching Ellie how to do the exercises was… nice. Like she was sharing a part of herself that most people didn’t seem to care about.
Abby hasn’t even worked out with Owen before, hadn’t even invited him to, mostly because she knew he would rather be in the aquarium than at the gym.
Ellie however, seems actually receptive and interested in it. She asks questions if she doesn’t understand something and she always looks to Abby for reassurance that she is actually needed before assisting in reracking or unracking anything. Though that may just be because she is not confident in being able to actually help lift the thing, but still the thought counts in Abby’s mind. And when it is Abby’s turn to spot Ellie, she tries to do the same, though it is harder to keep a good distance from her when she lifts for fear of her safety, but Ellie is surprisingly strong just like Abby knew she would be.
Even when she taps out for the day, instead of heading out and leaving Abby all alone to finish, there she is making sure that Abby is good. Abby has never had that kind of reassurance in the gym before. All the other people that have spotted her in the past have always tried to one up her in some small way or another. It’s a good feeling to not have her every move scrutinized, though she does feel Ellie’s eyes on her; it always feels more curious than anything hostile, making her gaze the farthest thing from unwanted in Abby’s mind.
When they leave the gym they each take turns showering and changing into their day clothes before heading to the dinning hall.
Abby in her standard dark gray t-shirt, cargo pants, and boots.
And Ellie in her flannel, jeans, and converse. Why Ellie always gravitates towards those worn out flannels that are at least three sizes too big instead of the more practical clothing that most of the WLF wear, Abby will never understand, though she must admit they don’t look bad on her.
The whole group is sitting at the end of a long table when Abby and Ellie arrive all looking some level of hungover. Manny affected the worst being the only one to wear sunglasses inside. The rest just look tired.
“Did you hear?” Nora asks from across the table, after Abby and Ellie both sit down cramming in next to each other at the end, “Your first assignment is with Owen, Abby, and I. It was just posted today. We leave in two days to the hospital.”
“That’s awesome. At least for my first assignment I’ll be with people I know.” Ellie says, taking a bite out of the burrito the dining hall is serving today.
“We’ll probably have to get you a new pack and make sure you have everything you’ll need for the assignment.” Abby speaks up from beside her.
“Do I have to change the bag I use? It’s kinda dumb, but I don't know, I like my bag.” Ellie asks the group at large.
“I guess you don’t have to switch it as long as everything fits.” Owen speaks up.
Looking up at him, Abby sees that there is a spot next to him that would have probably been more comfortable to sit at then where she is now. It would be kind of awkward to move now though right? Abby thinks as she swallows her bite.
“I can show you the assignments board and we can go through a checklist to make sure everything fits if you want.” Abby speaks up as Nora opens her mouth to say something. “Sometimes you’ll need different things for different assignments. So it might be good to just grab a backup bag for the assignments that require more items.”
Ellie nods taking another bite and Abby is thankful when the conversation shifts to how Leah and Jordan are now officially dating. Finally!
It doesn’t take long for the pair to find themselves back in their room going over Abby’s checklist by her bed after Abby showed Ellie where to find the assignments board, how to request an assignment change, and where the extra supplies and bags are.
“Should I be writing this down or are we going to do this before every assignment?” Ellie laughs tucking her sock covered feet under her on Abby’s bed with her journal open on her lap.
She had claimed Abby’s bed almost immediately when they started. Usually this would bother Abby, having someone in her space like this, but with Ellie it just feels nice seeing how comfortable she has gotten in their shared space after last night, especially given how bad Abby treated her when she first came.
“Well you do have your journal out so might as well put it to use.” Abby says from her spot on the floor with the contents of Ellie’s bag dumped out in front of her. “Also… why do you have a pun book in your bag?”
“Um, because Will Livingston is a comedic genius. Here, toss it.”
Abby flings it to Ellie unceremoniously, forcing her to discord the journal on Abby’s bed in favor of catching the book.
Ellie opens it scanning through a few pages before stopping and clearing her throat, “'What did the the bartender say to the man who walked in with jumper cables? ’” Ellie looks up expectantly to Abby. Abby raises her eyebrows, “‘Don’t start anything!’ ... Get it jumper cables.”
“I got it and that was horrible.”
“Oh this one's my favorite. ‘I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, then it dawned on me.’ ”
“Wow. Is there a word worse than horrible?”
“Oh shut up. It’s better than whatever you're reading.”
“You think a book of puns is better than Hamlet ?”
“Of course your reading fucking Hamlet, boring.”
“I bet you've never even read Hamlet so how would you know if it was boring or not?”
Ellie pretends to think, “You got me there on a technicality I’ll give you that.”
Abby finds it hard not to smile while making direct eye contact with Ellie, until she looks down at her book again.
“So what do I need to pack for this assignment?” Ellie asks, turning the page to find what Abby guesses is another pun to torture her with.
“Honestly not a lot. It’s just an escort mission. We'll probably be there a few days, a week tops, before being called back or sent to a different site. It’s your first one so we will most likely be sent back to the Stadium right after, but even if we get sent somewhere else we should be able to resupply while we’re there.”
“So that means that I should have enough room to pack a few more comics in then.” Ellie say’s standing up from Abby’s bed and dashing out of the room before Abby can say that comics aren’t on the list.
Abby shakes her head, a small smile graces her lip at Ellie’s antics as she finishes repacking her own bag.
She doesn’t know how long Ellie will take picking out more comics for their assignment so Abby resides herself to relax and read on her bed for a bit.
As she settles onto the pillows of her bed something jabs at her back. Reaching under her pillow to see what stabbed her, Abby’s hand wraps around a hard covered book. Pulling it out she sees that the culprit is Ellie's journal.
Ever since Ellie became a part of the WLF she has spent some part of her day writing in this journal no matter how tired she was. Abby knows that she should not open it and that she should get up and put it on Ellie’s bed, and she does just that.
She really does.
She gets up. She walks up to Ellie’s level. She walks over to Ellie’s bed and if the journal flops open when she tosses it onto her bed then the only right thing to do is to go close it.
Right?
At least that is what Abby tells herself as she picks up the opened journal.
Abby would like to tell herself that if there had been more actual writing in the journal then she would not have looked through it as long as she did, but she is transfixed by the talent in the pages.
Seeing someone's drawings is not a new thing to her.
When Owen and Abby first started dating he would slip her little pictures every now and again when he thought no one was paying attention. Abby thinks she still has the picture he drew of her sleeping somewhere. Owen hasn’t drawn her a picture in months now that she is thinking about it.
Yet Ellie’s drawings feel different than Owen’s, though they are both very talented artists.
Ellie draws such a wide variety of subjects in her journal with small bits of writing scattered around them, most of the writing feel like notes to herself or poems that Abby just glanced over.
The first few pages she sees is of two men each on their own horse. A few pages before that is obviously a practice page, full of half done and scratch out doodles of horses, eyes, and faces. Abby can tell when Ellie made it to Seattle and the Stadium, as the drawings start to look more familiar to her. Ellie even has a sketch of their view out the windows of their room that is so good that Abby can tell exactly where she sat when she drew it.
There are sketches of Manny laughing in the dining hall, Mel and Nora in the medical wing, and her…Abby reading, Abby teaching, Abby laughing, and a rough sketch of Abby weight lifting drawn from the memory of this mornings work out.
When Abby first saw herself on the pages of the journal it shocked her, though after looking through everything it shouldn’t have, Ellie obviously likes to draw whatever is around her at any given moment so why would she not draw her roommate.
There is a whole page in the journal of just her braid, but there was also a whole page of Whitney's hands playing her game player, Mr. Alvarez’s fingers playing his guitar, and Shimmer’s tail in different positions, so it really should not make her insides feel as warm as it does to see herself drawn with such care.
Abby is just about to close the journal, feeling a bit guilty for looking in it at all, when she must have held the spine just right and a page fell out.
She really did have every intention of just tucking it back in and putting the journal down, but she caught a glimpse of a name in what Abby knows for sure is not Ellie’s handwriting.
Folding the piece of paper and tucking it into her pocket, Abby closes Ellie’s journal, placing it on her bed and walks out the door.
At first she doesn’t know where she is heading, but she soon finds herself outside by the dog pin staring at Mel playing tug of war with Alicia.
“Hey Mel?” Abby finally calls out to her, startling her, “Can we talk for a second? In private?”
* * *
The pair walk into Mel’s room that she shares with Nora. The room was a mirror of Abby and Ellie’s except the bathroom is on the upper level and both beds are on the lower one with two desks and chairs pushed together in the middle of the room facing each other.
“I think Nora is taking inventory of everything we need restocked here from the hospital so it should take a while. What’s up?” Mel says, pulling out her chair for Abby to sit on and sitting on the edge of her bed.
“Um…” Abby pulls out the paper that she found in Ellie’s journal and hands it to Mel.
Mel takes it and reads the page, her eyebrows furrowed until she lets out a small chuckle. “I forgot I wrote this. Where did you find it?”
“It fell out of Ellie’s journal.” Abby rubs at her thighs, “The last bit there though---”
“I wouldn’t put too much thought into it.” Mel cuts her off, “We were kids and I wrote it before you two became official. It’s just stuff you write in journals without any intention of telling anyone.”
Mel looks at Abby with knowing eye’s, “What’s the real issue Abby?”
“Do you still feel that way about him?” Abby isn’t sure what she is feeling.
Mad? Not really.
Sad? No.
Numb? Maybe.
“I care about you both.”
“That is not what I asked you.”
Mel is silent for a beat before nodding, “Yes.”
Abby stands up to leave.
“Do you?” Mel asks in an almost whipster when she is almost at the door. Abby freezes, not turning around.
“What kind of question is that? Of course I love him.”
“Do you? Or are you just together because it feels easy and familiar?” Abby whips around to face her. Heart beating in her throat.
She finally has a name for what she is feeling.
Fear.
Mel holds up a hand, “No, just listen because you need to hear this. You both forgot your own anniversary even after I helped you get to at least the same location as him. Do you really want to go through life forgetting about major relationship events and it not fucking mattering to either one of you? I love you both dearly, I do. But I hate watching two people that I care about just go through the motions because both of them are clinging to some semblance of who they were more than two years ago. You both need to grow up. So yes, I know you love Owen, but the question you need to start asking yourself is how do you love him?”
Abby swallows hard, turning away from Mel before she has a chance to see more than Abby is comfortable with and storms out of the room. People clear the hall for her as she stalks down the corridors to her destination. She barely recognizes Ellie walking down the hallway arms full of comics as she passes her.
“Hey Abs!” Ellie calls.
Abby ignores her, turning to enter the gym instead.
She doesn’t come back to the room until after Ellie is asleep.
Notes:
Thank you for reading!
Not really sure how this chapter got to be over 4,000 words, but Abby is finally on her why to realize her feelings for Ellie. She just needed a little slap in the face by Mel.
Preview to next chapter:
The trip to the hospital is not as straightforward as they thought.
Chapter 10: Chapter 10
Summary:
Abby has a lot on her mind after her talk with Mel and their trip to the Hospital doesn't go as smoothly as they hoped.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Abby had been acting strange for the last day and a half and it was starting to make Ellie spiral. Ellie thought that everything had been good between them, but this sudden silent treatment and avoidance was getting out of hand.
Maybe Ellie had said something at the party that made her uncomfortable or did something weird at the gym? Abby had seemed fine the rest of the day, up until Ellie left for more comic books.
Was she really that mad about the comic book thing or was it something else entirely? Either way it was starting to feel like how it was before they became friends and that had Ellie’s emotions in a constant state of flux going from mad to sad to confused all in the span of a few seconds every time she was near Abby. Which considering they live together, was quite often.
Ellie tried to bring it up the next day after being avoided for most of the day, but Abby just brushed her off. Now Nora, Owen, Abby, and Ellie were about 20 minutes away from setting out and something was definitely eating at Abby and if it was something Ellie did then she would rather know what it was before it had the potential to jeopardize their mission or worse their fragile friendship.
So while Abby is walking to the weapons hanger to meet up with the rest of the group, Ellie grabs her arm as she rounds a corner and pulls her into a cleaning supply closet.
“Ok I let you be for long enough. What‘s up with you? I thought we agreed you’d stop being a dick?” Ellie says closing and locking the door.
“What are you doing? We have to meet the others.”
“Not until we deal with whatever it is that’s bugging you,” Ellie anger fades as she loses her confidence looking at Abby's hardened expression. Rubbing her left pinky and ring finger she quietly asks, “Did I do or say anything weird at the party? I don’t remember saying anything bad, so if you're acting weird because of something I did just tell me. You seemed fine that morning at the gym so---.”
"No!" Abby cuts her off with a shake of her head and sighs, “No you just argued with Manny about movies all night. Trust me it doesn't have anything to do with you. I just have a lot of stuff on my mind.”
Ellie tries to look into Abby's eyes searching for any lies that can be seen there. Even though they have technically only known each other for a few months, Ellie likes to think she would be able to tell if Abby was lying to her, but Abby dodges her eyes, choosing instead to stare off to the side at a broom. “Ok well, pull yourself together. If you run into a Clicker because you're distracted thinking about whatever this is, I'm not going to rush in to save you.”
“Ah come on I thought we were friends.” Abby finally meets Ellie’s eyes. She doesn’t see any lies there.
“Yeah well, sometimes I miss when we were enemies.” Ellie says unlocking the door.
“We were never enemies.” Abby mutters under her breath. Choosing to ignore that for the moment Ellie opens the door to Manny standing on the other side holding hands with a giggling long haired brunette.
“Oh.. I…um didn’t know the closet was occupied.” Manny says standing up straighter looking past Ellie to stare confusingly at Abby.
“We were just finishing up. Closet’s all yours,” Ellie says. Manny’s eyebrows raise suggestively at her statement and it dawns on Ellie how that could sound to someone, “not like that. Abby and I were just talking.”
Manny wiggles his eyebrow at the pair.
“God, you're annoying,” Ellie marches off leaving Abby to deal with the rest of Manny’s remarks.
“But I didn’t say anything,” Manny calls out after her, laughing.
* * *
So far the assignment is going off without a hitch. Abby and Owen sit in the front seat, Abby having stolen the keys this time and Nora and Ellie sit in the back bed of the vehicle. Ellie has been fully decked out in WLF gear complete with a black t-shirt and loose fitting cargo pants held up by a belt that Abby gave her, though she did manage to sneak her hoodie into her bag before they left, much to Abby’s false annoyance.
“So… you like action movies?” Nora asks from her seat across from Ellie, speaking up to be heard over the sound of their tires on the dirt road.
“Hmm. Oh yeah, we used to do these movie marathons back where I’m from. Sometimes they were themed, but mostly me and J…” Ellie coughs quickly to try and hide her near slip up, hoping that it will seem like dust just got into her throat, “The person I stayed with would watch these really shitty action movies late at night when we couldn’t sleep. Ever see Curis and Viper?”
“Can’t say that I have.”
“Well I don’t know if I would recommend it persa, but it’s one of the ones that I’ve seen the most over the years. What about you? Got a favorite movie.”
“Well I–––” Abby slams on the breaks, causing Nora to lunge forward into Ellie’s arms.
Ellie wraps one arm around Nora’s waist, the other shooting out to find leverage on the side of the bed of the car, stopping them both from falling more.
“You okay?” Ellie asks Nora after the vehicle stops fully. Ellie helps her sit up in the seat next to her as Nora nods her head, hands still around Ellie’s shoulders and Ellie’s arm still wrapped around her waist.
“Sorry guys there’s something blocking the road. I didn’t see it sooner.” Abby says from up front, sparing them a quick glance in the rear view mirror.
A giant tree spans the width of the road right on the other side of a bend blocking it from view until it was too late.
“Do you think it's a trap?” Nora asks.
“It’s far too big of a tree to be just placed here. We did have a storm the other night, maybe lightning struck it and it fell.” Ellie says before anyone else can speak.
“Yeah Ellie’s right it looks way too long to go around let alone carry.” Owen pipes up. “It’ll take a team to cut it up and clear the path again.”
“Looks like the rest of the way is going to be on foot then. Good news is we’re closer to the hospital than we are to the Stadium now. We should be able to get there in a little over an hour if we follow the road.” Abby says, “Once we get there we can get a team out here to clear it out of the way. Maybe radio nearby bases to help out if there aren't enough people at the hospital to help. Let me just hide the car real quick.” Abby drives the Humvee to the side of the road and a little bit into the leaves of the trees and bushes of the forest, effectively covering the vehicle with vegetation.
“I don’t think following the road is the best idea.” Ellie says as she helps Nora out of the bed of the car, Abby and Owen are both already out of the front seat and standing off to the side, “Sure the tree might not have been placed here by the Scar but if they are around what’s stopping them from camping along the road waiting to jump us?”
“Ok so what do you suggest?” Abby asks, crossing her arms.
Ellie pulls out a map, that they all have been outfitted with before leaving the Stadium, from her bag. “We are here on this road right.” She drags her finger around the map. “And the hospital is here.” She taps where the hospital rests, “that means that we can probably cut through these buildings here. It’ll cut down on time if there are no infected and keep us hidden from any Scars in the area.”
“If being the operative word in that sentence. If there are infected it could more than double our time.” Abby argues moving closer to Ellie to get a better look at the map in her hands.
“We don’t have to go in guns blazing to every room and clear it out,” Ellie says as they shift closer to each other, “If there are Clickers we just have to be quiet and sneak around them. Runners we can easily kill silently. Damn I wish I had my bow I’d feel a lot better if I did, but if we find rags and tape along the way we can make silencers. They should work for about three shots.”
“I also don’t like the idea of being a sitting duck for the Scars out on this road. Abby, I think we should go with her idea.” Owen pipes up.
Ellie and Abby’s heads both shoot up at the same time to look at him, forgetting for a moment that the others were there. Ellie takes a slow step away from Abby hoping that no one will notice just how close they got while they were talking.
“I agree with Ellie.” Nora says, looking between them.
Abby frowns looking back at the map in Ellie’s hands.
“Look I know you’re the best at busting in and setting the place ablaze, but I’m the best at stealth, trust me.” Ellie says, looking around at the three of them, “How do you think I traveled here alone all the way from Salt Lake City? From my experience, infected tend to hang out in the lower levels of buildings unless they were locked in a room as they turned. So if we can get into a building and head straight up to the top floor without being detected it should be easy to make it through the building and back down again. As long as we don’t open any new doors we should be good.”
Abby looks between the three of them one more time before sighing, “Fine. Three against one. Lead the way.” Abby steps aside motioning for Ellie to lead the way.
_______
Abby does not have a good feeling about any of this, but there’s not really much she can do about it now.
It’s not just the fact that the building Ellie has them going up has parts of the building blown out, leaving the floors open to the elements, that would have been fine. No, the building also just so happens to be on the edge of a cliff with a raging river next to it eating away at the foundation making the height of the building seem that much higher.
Ellie says that it’s a good thing. That the sound of the river should confuse any Clickers that are in the buildings. Abby has her doubts on that theory, but doesn’t raise them.
The small group is able to slowly creep their way through the first floor of the building with little adversaries. There had been a Clicker in the first room they came across, but Ellie merely pointed them out and continued on to the stairs like they were an unwanted house guest to be wary of but not concerned about.
They were now on the sixth floor of the building and Abby could not take her eyes off the raging water far below. The group is now waiting in what looks to be an old boardroom with the windows blown out along with a huge chunk of the wall and floor.
The more Abby looks, the faster her heart races, the farther the ground gets, the higher she feels, and the harder it gets to breathe.
“Abby, stop looking at it.” Owen whispers, giving her hand a little squeeze for good measure.
Abby nods, tearing her eyes away from the river and back to the rest of the group. Ellie left them here to scout out a good route for them through the next part of their journey. Why Abby didn’t insist on going with her probably had something to do with the gaping hole five feet in front of her and how fast Ellie can be when she wants to be.
Abby can’t remember how long she has been gone, but something in her gut tells her that Ellie has been gone longer then she should be. Abby can’t hear anything over the sound of the river below her, but she vows to give Ellie just five more minutes before going after her.
The five minutes are just about up when Ellie returns to the room, Abby breaths a small sigh of relief at the sight.
“Ok it looks clear to the next building. There’s a gap between this building and the next so I had to find a plank. The next building is a bit more bored up so it will be quieter than this one. Does everyone have silencers on their guns? If we get into any trouble we’re going to need them.” Ellie says.
Abby pales at the mention of a plank between buildings, but doesn’t say anything as the group follow Ellie through the last four rooms of this building. Abby's gut was right. The way must not have actually been as clear as Ellie led them to believe because the group passes five dead bodies of Stalkers along the way and that is just what they can see, who knows how many where actually here before Ellie came along.
As they pass each one, Abby gives Ellie an increasingly exasperated look whenever Ellie looks back at her to which Ellie just shrugs and continues leading the group on their way.
“You do know that you are still technically in training right?” Abby whispers to Ellie when she catches up to her, Nora and Owen already across the plank.
“You and I both know I didn’t really need it in the first place.” Ellie answers, giving her a small pat on her shoulder, “You’re turn Abs.”
Abby lets out a laugh with little feeling looking down at that chasm below, “Now is probably a bad time to tell you that I’m scared of heights isn’t it.”
Ellie looks over the side with her. “Oh yeah. That might have been good to know before now. Hey, think of it this way: it’s just three big steps. Here.” Ellie holds out her hand stepping one foot onto the plank.
“I don’t think it's going to hold both our weight.” Abby says, but takes her hand anyway, probably gripping it a bit too tight while she's at it, but Ellie doesn’t say anything about it.
“I don’t know, it's a pretty thick piece of wood.” Ellie takes another step out into the middle of the plank stretching her arm out behind her to where Abby is, still looking down at the alleyway below. “Abby, you kind of have to actually step forward and not just stretch your arm out.”
Abby looks up at Ellie and she is right Abby’s feet have not moved since getting to the plank.
“Come on, just one foot in front of the other three times and it’s over. I promise I won’t make you go over another plank like this.” Ellie squeezes her hand twice.
Abby finally takes one small step forward and another and another and another. “This is a lot more than three steps.”
“Yeah well I thought you would take bigger steps considering how long your legs are,” Ellie squeezing her hand again, “You are more than halfway there so just keep moving. Look at me, don't look down.”
“I hate you.” Abby says eyes moving rapidly between Ellie’s face and the plank.
“Whatever you need to keep telling yourself.”
They do make it to the other side and reunite with the others without falling to their deaths, so Abby can’t really be too mad at Ellie. Not that she is going to tell Ellie that though.
“How are we going to get inside? There’s no door and these windows are sealed shut.” Nora says, looking into the building from the huge window.
“I don’t see any infected. Do you see anything in the room?” Owen asks from a little bit further down.
“Well only one way to find out. Put your masks on first, it looks like there are sores everywhere in there. ” Ellie says, digging in her backpack for her own.
Once everyone has their mask on she motions for them to get down before breaking a window.
“What the hell do you think you are doing,” Abby whisper-yells. Ellie just puts her finger to her lips, tipping her head closer to the building to listen. Abby tries to listen as well. There is at least one Clicker Abby is almost sure of it.
“Wait here.” Ellie says, and she is through the window before any of them can say anything about forming a plan.
“Stupid.” Abby says, following after her. After seeing the bodies of those Stalkers, Abby is not keen on letting Ellie just go off by herself again.
Once inside she spots Ellie and right in front of her is a Clicker. The Clicker has not noticed either of them yet, but it is obviously investigating the noise of the broken glass. Abby watches as the Clicker turns and Ellie sneaks up behind it grabbing the Clicker like she has no fear of being bitten at all and drives her switchblade into the it's neck, twisting the blade when the Clicker doesn’t go down fast enough. Through the open door another Clicker comes running into the room sporadically running and then stopping again. Ellie is behind a bookcase creeping around with her eyes fixed on the other Clicker. It is like she is a completely different person when her eyes focus on the threat at hand not thinking about anything else but surviving.
Abby takes out her pistol with the makeshift silencer and shoots the Clicker twice in the head and it’s like a switch is flipped in Ellie as she stands up straight to face Abby. It doesn’t last long as she dashes to the door to see if there are any other infected nearby.
“Ok we should be good to get the others.” Ellie says, coming back from the door. “You got one more shot before you need to switch silencers, don't lose count.”
“I know. This isn’t my first rodeo Cowgirl.”
“Not you too.” Ellie groans before ducking her head out to tell the others that the room is clear.
Lucky for them this building brushes up against the edge of the hospital grounds. So if they can make it though safely, even if they do stir up some infected the people based at the hospital should be able to come help them
Sounds easy, and it would be if it were not for the fact that the entire building was filled with sores and crawling with infected.
“There are far too many to sneak through without getting caught.” Abby whispers after taking a peek into the hallway and seeing four Runners and two Clickers.
“Ok new plan. Take them out as we go, but be quiet about it. If you can make a stealth kill, do it. If you really need to, you can kill a Clicker with a brick.” Ellie says.
“How do you know that?” Nora asks.
Ellie shrugs, “I’ve seen someone do it before.”
“You… Ellie,” Owen shakes his head at her, “I don’t know if I should be more terrified of you or who ever raised you?”
“Why not both?” Ellie smiles, “Now is everyone ready?”
The group nods together and as quietly as they can start dispatching the infected. They make it through the first corridor relatively seamlessly. Each person deftly holding their own against the infected and only resorting to using their guns when absolutely necessary.
Then it happens.
Nora is clearing a room of Runners when a Stalker peeles themselves off the wall and jumps to attack her. Ellie being the closet pushes Nora out of the way, but trips herself in the process landing halfway on top of Nora. Quickly twisting to put herself between Nora and the Stalker, Ellie deposits three bullets into the head of the Stalker. The infected body falls across both of them, but mostly on Ellie.
The whole scene happens so fast that Abby has barely taken one step forward to interfere and the situation is handled, leaving Abby to watch as Ellie pushes the Stalker off them.
“Awe gross.” Ellie stands up, reaching a hand down to help Nora up. “Are you okay?”
“I’ll live. Thank you.”
Abby watches the lingering looks shared between Nora and Ellie as Ellie finishes the sweep, her stomach twists uncomfortably at the sight.
“Hey, you ok?” Owen asks, coming up next to her, finger on the trigger and eyes scanning the space as the group moves from corridor to room then back to corridor.
“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” Abby slows down letting the other two continue ahead, but not so much so that they are completely out of sight.
“Nothing, just I don’t think I’ve ever really seen you like this before.”
“We’ve been on assignments together before.” Abby stops completely, turning to look Owen head on.
“Yeah we have.” Owen’s eyes move from Abby to the two ahead of them.
Abby follows his gaze. Ellie’s hand rests lightly on Nora’s arm, a silent signal telling her to wait before entering a room. Abby’s gaze hardens.
“I’ve never seen you look like that before.” Owen whispers.
“I don’t know what you think you’re seeing, but I’m sure you can’t see shit clearly with these masks on.” Abby pushes forward. “Come on, I just hate being in sore filled spaces. Maybe that’s what you’re seeing.”
When Owen and Abby catch up with the other two, Ellie says, “We’re almost there. Just have to make it down those stairs and we’re good.”.
The stairs that she indicates goes down the six floors of the building and don’t appear to have any infected legering.
“We should try to do what we did coming up. Don’t alert any infected and we sneak by any that we do see.” Ellie says switching out the silencer on her old pistol.
Ellie takes up the front of the group leading them down, followed by Nora then Owen with Abby bringing up the rear. They make it down to the second floor before the group pauses. Abby looks over the banister and sees Ellie is frozen looking into a room.
Ellie waves Nora past, then Owen. When Abby gets to her she sees what made her stop. A bloater stands just on the inside of the door, it's back to them bent over eating some unfortunate creature. Abby tightens her hold on her gun and grabs Ellie’s arm.
It is not a delicate touch and if Ellie doesn’t end the day with bruises in the vague shape of Abby’s hands she would be surprised. Abby all but pushes Ellie down to the first floor before they hear it.
The bloater knows they are here. It’s body crashes into the banister. Ellie and Abby both shoot at the beast, long foregoing switching their silencers when they break. Alerting all of the Clickers, Runners, and Stalkers that were in the building to their presence. Abby can distantly hear the other infected trying to get to them. Owen and Nora presumably have already made it out as Abby can see that the door to the outside world is open.
“Come on.” Ellie grabs Abby’s hand and all but pushes her through the open door all the while switching between guns and molotovs to at least slow the bloater down. She barely makes it through the door before it is down the stairs.
Now that they have room, the group lets loose on the beast and between the four of them manage to kill the beast as it reaches the door, effectively blocking the doorway with its massive body. Other infected can be heard behind it, but they can’t climb over the beast blocking the exit.
“You ok?” Abby asks Ellie, putting a hand on her shoulder.
“Hell yeah,” Ellie raises a hand in the air, “High five.”
Abby shakes her head, but raises her own hand into the air as well, feeling the slight sting of Ellie’s hand as she gives it a good slap.
The sound of an engine distracts Abby away from anything else Ellie might say or do.
“God what the hell did you wake up in there.” A WLF member asks from the back of the Humvee gun out just in case an infected breaks out of the building.
“Relax, they'll calm down soon.” Ellie speaks up. “Besides there’s like two fences between here and the hospital. Even if they do make it out they should be easy pickings for the snipers.”
The man puts his gun away before waving them in, “Come on, you can tell us all about it back at base.”
Notes:
Thank you for reading!!!
Please leave a comment if you want to / have time, reading them always brings a smile to my face and feedback is always welcome.
Thank you to everyone who already do leave comments they are the best part of my day.
Ps. I was in the middle of writing a future chapter and realized that I need to add a chapter or two between them to make the story better. So to give myself more time I might have to switch to only updating once a week (Saturday). I really want to continue updating twice a week, but maybe the second time can be more of a surprise with no set day for it just incase the chapters are not cooperating with me. lol
Preview to next chapter:
The party make it to the Hospital and Nora makes her move on Ellie. (Things are moving)
Chapter 11: Chapter 11
Summary:
The group makes it to the hopital and Nora makes her move on Ellie.
PS. I'll mention this in the end notes, but I am switching to once a week updates for this story for the next few weeks. Updates will continue being on Saturdays. I'll try to get back to twice a week updates but I can not guarantee it will happen anytime soon.
Thank you for understanding.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“We were wondering what was taking you so long to get here. Sent a scouting party out to see what happened and they came back talking about a Scar ambush. Glad to see you made it ok.” Dougan says after the group is loaded into the back and quick introductions are made.
During these introductions Ellie learns that Dougan has been based at the hospital for a little over two months, having taken over the base after the WLF was able to fully secure it. Ever since then, he’s been there with five teams of five soldiers that Isaac allotted him to help guard the hospital from the Scars and clear any infected still roaming around too close for comfort.
“We were about to radio into the Stadium that you were most likely taken by the Scars. Glad I don’t have to have that conversation with Isaac.” Dougan laughs it off, “Hate to be the person to tell him that his favorite soldier got killed.”
Ellie watches Abby’s face twist as she looks down when Dougan says that.
“Yeah well it’s going to take a little more than some Scars and infected to take us down. Right Abs?” Ellie says, knocking knees with Abby next to her.
Abby locks eyes with Ellie, her stare more intense than usual before she nods and looks away again.
“Ellie! Your back!” Nora says, grabbing Ellie’s backpack and pushing it aside, blood leaking through her shirt.
Ellie tries to look over her shoulder as Nora pulls the collar of her shirt to the side. “Huh? Probably just a scratch, I don't even feel it.”
“We should clean it as soon as we get to the hospital.”
* * *
True to her word, as soon as they arrive Nora drags Ellie by the hand into a private room, gathering all the supplies to treat her wound on the way.
“You going to take off your shirt or do I need to cut it off you again?” Nora asks.
Ellie gives a short laugh, but pulls her shirt off. “You really don't need to go through all this trouble, I barely feel it. It’s barely a scratch.”
“You might not feel it now, but trust me you’ll feel it soon after the adrenaline wears off and,” Nora gently runs a hand between her shoulder blades guiding her fingertips over her skin around the wound, “I don’t like seeing you in pain.”
Ellie tries to look over her shoulder at Nora, but can’t quite see her at this angle. She settles for looking at her reflection through the small dark window of the door.
Ellie hisses as Nora cleans the wound. “I thought you said you hate seeing me in pain?’
Nora’s reflection smiles. “A necessary pain for future relief.”
Ellie rolls her eyes and lets Nora finish cleaning the wound. Nora steps away to grab a bandage and when she comes back she hesitates before placing it gently over her wound. Her fingers ghost around the edges of the bandage making Ellie shiver.
“Sorry.” Nora says, removing her hands from Ellie’s back.
“What for?” Ellie looks up at Nora as she moves to the front of her. Ellie sits up straighter on the table bringing their faces to the same level.
One of Nora’s hands comes up to gently cup Ellie’s face, “For this.”
Nora’s head slowly dips in, looking from Ellie’s eyes to her lips once before she brings her lips to Ellie’s. The touch of their lips stun Ellie for a moment before she is kissing her back. The hand on Ellie’s cheek slides to the back of her neck, fingers tangling in the hair there pulling them somehow closer together.
As the kiss deepens Ellie freezes.
What is she thinking? She can’t be kissing Nora. Just because she is immune doesn’t mean she can’t be a carrier. What if she can still infect others?
All of these thoughts flash through Ellie’s mind at lighting speed and Ellie jerks away from Nora.
“Oh sorry. I thought” Nora says, backing away quickly.
“No wait.” Ellie stands from the table, shirt falling to the ground, “I just… I’ve never…”
“Oh, I understand.” Nora smiles as Ellie’s voice fades, “We don’t have to do anything if you are not ready. I just... really like you. I have since I first treated you at the Wall and you just surprise me at every turn. I’d like to be able to spend more time with you. Just us?”
“Yeah. I think I’d like that.” Ellie says, “Tonight?”
Nora smiles, gathering the items she used to clean Ellie up. “It’s a date then.”
“It’s a date.” Ellie smiles. “Wait, did I really need to take my shirt off for this?”
“Maybe.” Nora shrugs, “Maybe not, but it was a good view either way,” Winking at Ellie as she walks out the door.
* * *
“Hey Abs. What do we do now?” Ellie asks as she and Nora walk up to Abby and Owen by the reception desk. Looking at the desk Ellie sees that they are looking over the inventory list Nora had made back at the Stadium.
“Not a whole lot honestly,” Abby says, looking up at her. Her eyes drifting down to Nora’s hand holding Ellie’s before subtly shooting back down to the paper, “Just guard and help load up really. All of the upper floors have been swept and cleared of infected, but the basement floors still have some roaming around. All the entrances to that area are strictly off limits and barricaded, but there will still be at least two guards stationed there at all times that will be rotated out every few hours just in case. I’ll let you know when it's our turn.”
“We partners here roomie? Do roommates typically get assignments together?Are we roommates even here?” Ellie asks all at once.
“Everyone sleeps in the same common room for safety. I think it used to be an ER or something.” Owen says, “Beds are technically first come first serve; however, there are some unspoken understandings. Like let the ones stationed here longer pick their beds first. Like an unofficial ranking order.”
“And no, roommates don’t always get the same assignments. So do get too excited.” Abby says.
“Well as fun as this is, I gotta go meet up with the team here to see where everything is.” Nora turns to Ellie and lowers her voice, “I’ll see you tonight.”
“Yeah see you,” Ellie smiles as she watches Nora leave.
A not so subtle cough interrupts her and Ellie wipes around to see Owen stifling his smile and Abby whose eyebrows are furrowed in a mix of emotions that Ellie can’t quite decipher.
“Um ok let's get going I’m sure there are things that we need to do come on.” Ellie says, starting to walk away. Owen can’t help it and starts laughing at Ellie’s discomfort.
* * *
Ellie spent the rest of the day trying to avoid Owen’s teasing remarks every time they were anywhere near Nora. Which to be honest wasn’t that often as Nora had actual things to do. Unlike Owen, Abby, and Ellie, who were bouncing around wherever they were told to go by the long term staff at the hospital.
Ellie had always liked spending time with Nora back at the Stadium and now that Ellie was paying more attention she could appreciate the effortless way Nora seems to command attention and authority when she was clearly in her element among the rest of the staff here at the hospital. She was kind yet assertive and when she talks she has a way of bringing others to her way of thinking almost without them knowing or thinking it wasn’t their own idea in the first place.
And Ellie was paying attention to Nora. A lot actually. Ellie knew that bites to the face or neck would have a person turning in five to fifthteen minutes, arms or torso could take two to eight hours and any bite in the leg would take anywhere between twelve to twenty-four hours, but would saliva work the same way as breaking skin with a bite? Also how long do spores take to turn a person? Would saliva work the same way as spores or a bite? Ellie just didn’t know.
So for as much as Owen was teasing her for staring at Nora she couldn’t look away. What if the slight tremor in Nora’s hand is a sign that she is turning and not her hand just cramping from writing too much on an unstable clipboard? Ellie would be the only person to know why or what was happening to Nora if she does turn.
When the day is called to an end Ellie lets out a sigh of relief. At least she will be able to get Nora away from everyone just in case. She tries to not think about what she will do if Nora does end up turning or how she can possibly explain what happened.
Ellie tries not to think about it through dinner as she sits with Owen, Abby, and Nora. Abby is unusually quiet, whatever was on her mind before they made their way to the hospital is obviously still there. Ellie tries not to pay her too much mind, whatever is eating at her she’ll tell her later or Ellie will make a sarcastic comment about it. Owen doesn’t seem like there is anything wrong so maybe it is just Ellie’s imagination and nothing is the matter with Abby. It has been a long day considering the trek through the infested buildings and also a full day of moving boxes. Abby had volunteered to go out with the team to clear the road and get their car back so maybe she really was just tired and ready for bed.
When dinner is finished their small group hangs back to let those here longer take their pick of the cots. Nora, Abby, and Owen had all gone into the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed while Ellie chose to stay, hoping to grab two free cots that are near each other for Nora and herself.
She was in luck spotting two empty cots right next to each other and throwing her bag onto one of them. Abby, Nora and Owen all come out of the bathroom at the same time and Ellie waves at Nora pointing at the cot she saved. Abby was a little bit ahead of the group being the first one out and maybe she thought Ellie was waving at her and not Nora because she throws her bag under the cot Ellie indicated.
“Uh…” Ellie says, looking between Abby and Nora. “I was kinda saving that for Nora”
“What?” Abby says lying down and turning to face away from Ellie and Nora. “I’m tired Ellie.”
Owen had been standing a bit away from the group looking between the three of them, eyebrows furrowed. Locking eyes with Ellie, his expression softens as he shrugs before going off to find an empty cot for himself.
“It’s fine. I’ll find somewhere else to sleep.” Nora says, coming closer to Ellie whispering in her ear, “Go to the roof when you see me leave.”
Ellie nods watching every step Nora makes to another empty cot across the room. When she turns back around Abby is looking at her over her shoulder.
“What? I thought you were so tired.” Ellie raises an eyebrow at her. Abby huffs and turns back around.
Ellie tries to settle in for the long wait until most people are asleep.
* * *
It actually doesn’t take as long for most people to fall asleep as Ellie thinks it should, if the amount of soft snoring is any indication. Even Abby looks fast asleep and it's only been, Ellie looks at her watch, forty-five minutes. Another fifthteen go by and Ellie can see Nora get up, look around, and quietly move through the people to make it to the back staircase leading to the roof. Ellie waits five extra minutes before she gets up as quietly as she can, but of course her cot has to be the squeakiest motherfucker to ever squeak.
Ellie freezes at the sound looking directly at Abby as she opens her eyes.
“What do you think you’re doing?” She asks.
“None of your business go back to bed.”
“You shouldn’t go wandering around without someone. There's a buddy system in place for a reason. It’s dangerous.” Abby starts getting up, eyes half closed.
“Who says I’m going anywhere alone uh? Listen Abby I’m meeting up with Nora okay. We kinda have a date.”
The next time Ellie looks up Abby’s eyes are wide. Not exactly what Ellie was going for.
Ellie stands up the rest of the way from her cot and goes over to gently push on Abby's shoulders to get her to lay back down. She goes down without resisting, “Just go back to sleep. I’ll be back before morning.”
After Abby is laying down still a little wide eyed, Ellie makes her way through the sleeping bodies. When she makes it to the back staircase door she gives the room one last scan to make sure no one is up.
Abby is sitting up in her cot again staring at Ellie as she goes through the door and up the stairs.
* * *
When Ellie gets to the roof she doesn’t see Nora at first. The stars in the sky momentarily distracting her, but she soon sees Nora laying on a blanket staring up into the sky.
“Did you know that there are more stars in the universe than grains of sand on Earth, yet ironically there are more trees on Earth than stars in the milky way?” Ellie says when she is close enough to Nora.
“No I didn’t. Where’s you get that information?”
“Just a book I found a long time ago. I’m a wealth of space facts. Space facts and puns that’s all I got.”
Nora laughs. “Sit down and tell me more space facts.”
Ellie lays next to her and looks up at the stars. “Hmm let's see. You see that bright star right over there,” Nora hums, “That is actually not a star at all it’s Jupiter and one a day on Jupiter is just ten hours on Earth, which is pretty fast; however, one year on Jupiter is the same as about 11 or 12 Earth years? Isn’t that odd? But it's not even the slowest orbit in the solar system. That title goes to Neptune, because it’s so far from the sun it takes 165 Earth years for it to finish an orbit.”
Ellie turns her head to Nora only to find her not looking at the sky at all anymore, but at her. Ellie hopes that her blush isn’t too notable in the dark. She laughs, “I um, like space.”
“I gathered,” Nora smiles a soft sweet smile at Ellie. Ellie turns onto her side to face Nora better.
“Tell me more about you though. What brought you to the WLF?” Ellie asks.
“Hmm, there isn’t really much to tell. My mom and dad joined the Fireflies when I was a baby. My mom was bit when we were leaving the Atlanta QZ. My dad got us to Colorado. That is where I met Abby and Mel. I met Owen and Manny later in Salt Lake City. My dad was always out on duty and left me with Jerry in the medical wing. I would watch him and the other doctors and nurses save life after life and when I was old enough Mel and I started shadowing him and assisting in small ways, like handing him instruments and cleaning. Mel was always better at it than me, but… I don’t know.. I just. In a world with so much death and destruction, it feels good to be able to heal. Jerry used to talk about this oath that medical professionals would swear by before practicing medicine in the old world. I forget the name, but I remember him saying bits and pieces of it, never the whole thing.”
“Hm, maybe we can find it here. It is a hospital after all.”
“I’d like that.” Nora says smiling and slightly closing her eyes.
“Is your dad at the Stadium?” Ellie had never seen Nora hang out with anyone besides their usual group.
Nora shakes her head and when she speaks her voice is watery. “Enough about me. Tell me more about the stars and planets, my astronaut cowboy.”
Ellie laughs and tells Nora every silly fact she can remember about the planets and the sky.
* * *
Ellie doesn’t remember falling asleep, but when she wakes up Nora is not next to her. She had not meant to fall asleep, but just like last time she failed. Looking around she spots Nora on the far end of the roof by the ledge facing toward the sun.
She is too far away for Ellie to really see her that well. Ellie is hit with a memory of a different body facing the sun. That time is a shitty apartment building in Pittsburg. Do all infected gravitate to the sun or was that just Sam? Ellie remembers the hope that morning and thinking that their little blood sharing had saved him and then the terrifying realization when it didn’t.
Then what came next.
Ellie shakes her head to clear her mind of her memories. There is no proof that Nora changed in the night, but that doesn’t stop Ellie’s heart from racing. She had left her guns back by her cot with her backpack so all she had on her was her switchblade. Ellie has killed many Runners with it, this shouldn’t be any different.
Getting up, Ellie readies her blade just in case.
Should she make noise and see if Nora attacks? Ellie thinks as she gets closer. Holding her breath, Ellie deliberately scuffs her shoes along the concrete, hopefully making enough noise to notify a Runner to a non-infected person's presents.
Ellie burns a hole through the back of Nora’s head with how intensely she is staring at her. So Ellie does not miss it when Nora slowly starts to turn around.
Notes:
Thank you for reading!
Please leave a comment if you want to / have time, reading them always brings a smile to my face ad feedback is always welcome.
Thank you to everyone who already do leave comments they are the best part of my day.
PS. As stated in last chapters end notes and the summary of this chapter, I will be moving to a once a week update for this story. The updates will continue to be on Saturdays. There are just a few upcoming chapters that I am reworking that are taking longer then I thought they would. Thank you for for your understanding.
Preview to next chapter:
Abby has a much needed conversion with Owen and continues to handle her feelings for Ellie poorly.
Chapter 12: Chapter 12
Summary:
Abby has a much needed conversion with Owen and continues to handle her feelings for Ellie poorly.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
In Coroado, before Salt Lake City, or a real hope of a cure, or Joel, there was Nora and Abby. Two young fourteen year old girls terrorizing the halls of the University of Eastern Colorado, hand in hand.
Wherever one was the other was never too far behind. Oftentimes they could be heard laughing and whispering together or running down the halls of the Collage. Almost every night either Abby or Nora would sneak into the others room to stay up late talking about anything and everything they could until they fell asleep next to each other.
When they wake up, there Jerry would be, standing at either Abby’s bedroom door or the Harris’s front door ready to collect them with a smile on his face, a shake of his head, and a small lecture on how dangerous it is to go wandering around late at night all alone.
Nora would then tag along to the Labs and Medical Wing when they didn’t have school to attend. She didn’t just go to the Labs to hang out with Abby though, Nora always had a healthy interest in Virology that Jerry tried his best to foster, but unfortunately being a surgeon didn’t really lend that well to the study of biological viruses. Instead he read every book on viruses that he could get his hands on and then he would give them to her, ready to answer any questions she might have. And Nora would spend hours reading them, waiting for the day that she would be old enough to actually help in the Labs while Abby occupied her time reading novels in the corner.
It was a week before they unexpectedly left Coroado that things started to change.
Abby had snuck into Nora’s room late at night like normal and they were whispering under the covers. Abby doesn’t remember how they got on the topic of girl crushes, but Abby remembers confessing to thinking that Mileena from Mortal Kombat II was hot.
Abby remembers Nora laughing and saying, “She’s hot alright, but she’d be a little hard to kiss with all her monster teeth.”
“Yeah well, Shut up. It’s not like you’ve kissed anyone,” Abby says, pushing Nora’s shoulder lightly.
They’re faces were already so close under the covers to hear each other’s whispers, trying not to wake Nora's dad in the other room.
Nora shuffles closer still, “Do you want to kiss someone? Just to see what it’s like?”
Abby can’t remember who moved first, but their lips brush against each other in a gentle coming together, before they both pull away giggling.
Every night after for a week, Abby would sneak into the others room and at some point before they fell asleep their lips would touch again. They never talked about what these kisses in the dark meant to them and in the daylight they didn’t act any differently then they did before, still holding hands, laughing and whispering together.
The day before their group leaves Colorado everything changes again.
It was one simple phrase really.
A simple, “I love you,” spoken from Nora’s lips after a lazy kiss before drifting off to sleep. Abby isn’t even sure if Nora remembers saying it.
That simple phrase had Abby awake most of the night. She had never snuck out of Nora’s room before, only in, but that is exactly what she did that night. Slowly untangling their hands and sliding out of the bed without making a sound. Abby remembers walking down the hall and back into her own room, crawling into her own cold bed in a daze.
Abby, years later, can recognize some of the feelings that lead to this running away. Fear, anxiety, and confusion were what drove her to avoid Nora the next day and the whole way to Salt Lake City. She managed to successfully avoid Nora up until a week after arriving when even Jerry started to question what had happened between them.
Slowly Abby came back to Nora, but it was never the same as it was. Abby no longer reached for Nora’s hand in the hallway and they no longer talked the way they did before. Most importantly they no longer snuck into each other's rooms at night, nor were they ever left in a room alone together again.
Nora slowly started to hang out with Mel and other medical students more. Then a greater distance formed when Owen came into the mix.
They never spoke of that week, so it was easy for Abby to act like it never happened and forget about it.
And Abby did a good job at forgetting about it, up until the memories start to flood back to her as she lay awake on that hard cot in a room full of sleeping people thinking about why she can’t sleep knowing that Ellie and Nora are on a date upstairs on the roof.
Abby shakes her head and turns over on her side. She shouldn’t care, she loves Owen, but Mel’s words keep pounding in her head.
How does she love Owen?
As a lover? They haven’t been together like that for months now that she is thinking about it.
As a partner? They don’t really seem to be on the same page anymore.
As a friend? That’s a given, they’ve always been friends.
So she lays there awake, confused, and staring at Ellie’s empty cot.
Ellie and Nora… on a date?
It didn’t make sense to her.
Abby could tell that Nora had been hitting on Ellie; she's not an idiot and she knows Nora has dated both men and women in the past. Though as she thinks more about it the few times that Nora did date women in the WLF, Abby only found out about it after they had already broken up. That had never really bothered Abby before.
But Ellie… Abby never would have guessed that Ellie was into women like that. Maybe because she was generally more closed off. Though that might also be Abby’s fault with the whole, keep our histories to ourselves , thing.
But still, if Ellie was into Nora shouldn’t she have come to Abby for advice? Nora was Abby’s friend first, she could have given her pointers.
At least that is the lie she chooses to tell herself as the sun raises.
Ellie is still not back yet and Abby is a few seconds away from getting up to go find her when Owen sits on Ellie’s cot.
“You look like shit Abs.”
“Gee thanks,” Abby sits up to face him.
Staring at Owen an overwhelming sense of guilt shoots through her. Owen has been right there with her through the hardest time of her life. She should not be spending the whole night awake thinking about someone else. More importantly she should not be using him as some sort of smokescreen to help her avoid her own feelings for her friends.
Somehow her relationship with Owen became this safe harbor for her to hide away in. First with running away from Nora’s confession and then when her father died, Owen easily became someone she could lean on for comfort, support, and love. And she knows she did love him, does love him, but maybe Mel is right. Maybe she has been clinging onto the people they were when they were young and maybe they are no longer those people anymore.
Determined, she asks, “Can we talk? Privately?”
Nodding Owen gets up and follows her to a locker room on the far side of the hospital, “I think I know what this is about Abby and it's okay.”
Abby quickly loses some of her confidence at that, “You know what this is about? How can you know what this is about? I don’t even know what I’m going to say. ”
“I have eyes, Abby,” Owen lets out a watery laugh, studying her face, “Are you happy?”
“What kind of question is that?” Abby shakes her head. How did this conversation get so turned around on her already?
“Abs, look at me,” Owen pauses looking into Abby’s eyes before continuing, “We’ve been together since we were 15 and 16, that’s so young and such a long time too. I just think we have some things we need to figure out… I mean do we even really know ourselves? You know, outside of us.”
Abby shakes her head, not quite understanding what he is saying even though it’s so much better than anything she could come up with for this moment, “What are you suggesting?”
Owen takes a breath reaching out to hold her hands, “I think we should take… A break… From us.”
Abby’s heart starts to race, “What? Why?”
This was the outcome she wanted. So why does it feel like her world is falling down around her?
“This doesn't even have to be the end of us if we don’t want it to be,” Owen brings one hand to the side of Abby’s face, cradling it in the palm of his hand, “Let’s just take the time we need to ask ourselves some hard questions and we can talk about getting back together after Christmas ok? That’s only a few months away. Can we do that? Is that ok?”
Abby can feel tears gathering in her eyes as she whispers, “I don’t want to lose you too.”
“You are not losing me Abigail,” Owen’s thumps wipe at her cheeks, taking the tears that fell with it, “I’ll always be here for you no matter what.”
Owen smiles, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and whispering into her hair, “I’ll always love you Abby. This will be good for us, I can feel it”
________
Ellie holds her breath, tightening her hold on the switchblade at her side as Nora slowly turns her head.
“Morning Babe,” Nora smiles over her shoulder.
The hand gripping the switchblade loosens.
The clang of metal hitting concrete fills the air.
Ellie practically runs the rest of the way to Nora, gathering her into her arms for a quick hug before pulling back to bring her into a searing kiss.
“Hi,” Ellie whispers onto Nora’s lips when they part, “Good morning.”
Dazed Nora blinks, “Hi,” a wide smile takes over her face, “What was all that about?”
“Nothing, I’m just happy,” Ellie can’t wipe away the smile on her face.
She hadn’t realized just how much she held herself back from intimacy out of the underlying fear of what her bite might mean for her relationships. But if Nora was going to turn she would have at the very least started to show some signs by now.
Right?
Her smile starts to weaken as she tries to catalog anything that might possibly be different about Nora from last night to this morning to see if there has been a change, “Do you feel ok? How do you feel this morning?”
Nora lets out a laugh, “I feel great Ellie. I take it you enjoyed our date last night too then.”
Ellie nods, her smile slowly, starting to return.
“Then that’s all that matters,” Nora brings Ellie in for a quick kiss this time. Her hand migrating down Ellie’s arm to lace her fingers into Ellie’s pulling her back to the blanket as the morning sun rises.
* * *
Ellie still can’t believe her relief when Nora turned around on that rooftop and was still herself.
Even just sitting here, on her cot in the sleep room laughing at the puns in her book was a new experience for her knowing that it could actually lead somewhere real. They had only spent a few minutes basking in the morning light and exchanging soft kisses before they heard people walking up the stairs, forcing them to quickly pack up their things and head down a different stairwell.
A sense of lightness overcomes Ellie when Nora rests her head on her shoulder as they exchange puns. Though, the fact that she can’t infect others does bring up more questions then answers, but as there is no one to ask these questions to she tries to shake them from her mind and just enjoy her time with Nora. Enjoy feeling a little bit more normal in this crazy world.
Nora stiffens slightly, Ellie probably would not have noticed if Nora had not been practically draped over her. Nora suddenly sits up straight, scooting over slightly on the cot. Ellie frowns at the sudden cool air against where skin used to be, before looking up to see what could have caused this reaction in Nora.
Scanning the people left in the room she doesn’t see anyone looking at them weird, only Abby and Owen walking back in from the corridor. Owen takes one of Abby’s hands and gives it a quick squeeze before departing to his own cot to gather his things for the day.
“Hey where did you run off too? And with Owen too? Spicy,” Ellie says when Abby gets close enough to hear, “Wait on second thought don’t tell me.”
Abby doesn’t say anything to her. Just grabs her bag and walks out to her station for the day.
“What’s wrong with her?” Ellie asks Nora, sure that Abby heard her as she pauses briefly before leaving the room with her bag.
Nora is quiet for a beat before taking Ellie’s hand and dragging her through the halls, in the opposite direction that Abby went, passing guards getting ready for the day until they are alone in a room with the door closed.
“Um, I don’t really think we have enough time for ---” Nora puts her hand over Ellie’s mouth stopping her from making a bigger fool out of herself.
“Trust me I would not want our first time to be a quickie in the back rooms of a hospital on assignment in the middle of the day. Though if you feel ready I would be open to an exhausting night at the Stadium when we get back. I think Mel said something about being sent to the FOB for a few weeks, but no pressure.”
Ellie laughs, pushing Nora’s hand away from her mouth, “Let's take it one step at a time.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Nora says with a quick peck to Ellie’s lips before stepping away and wrapping her arms around herself.
“Hey what’s wrong?”
“It’s just… Abby might get a little weird when it comes to this kinda thing,” Nora gestures between the two of them.
Narrowing her eyes, Ellie asks, “What do you mean by ‘might get a little weird?’”
“She just always gets weird when I mention liking or dating other girls,” Nora lets out a small laugh, “I used to have a bit of a crush on her when we were still in Colorado. We were really close back then, but after I told her she just... I don’t know, pulled way, way back and acted like it never happened. Yet she also wouldn’t be in the same room with me alone anymore. So I haven’t really been in a relationship like this around her before. I know there wouldn’t really be a way to hide it from her like I did the other ones, but I just wanted you to be aware of how she acts because I know you live with her.”
Ellie hadn’t had much issues with people not being okay with her. Sure it's not like she was completely out in Jackson. But here in the WLF, Ellie had met many other people like herself both already in relationships and single and everyone seemed very accepting of it. In all the time that she has spent with Abby, she never striked Ellie as someone who would suddenly turn on her friends simply for who they loved. So Ellie is having a hard time wrapping her head around what Nora is telling her.
Ellie’s thoughts turn immediately to Seth, the only person she could imagine eventually having a problem with her back in Jackson. He was already a bit of a dick when it came to the very few other people who were in relationships with people of the same sex around the Jackson community.
“Do you think I’ll be in any danger when we get back to the Stadium? You know… sharing a room with her and all.”
“No, no I hope not, but if she does anything you can always come to my apartment. I’ll talk to Mel about it okay. I just didn’t want you to think it was anything you did, It’s her issue that she needs to deal with. You’re not doing anything wrong.” Nora brings Ellie in for another kiss. An activity that Ellie is starting to enjoy maybe a bit too much considering the fact they have a whole day of work ahead of them.
Ellie pulls away before they can get carried away. “Okay thanks for the warning, but I think people will start to miss us if we are away for any longer.”
Nora laughs and pulls Ellie back in, “Five more minutes won’t worry anyone.”
Notes:
Thank you for reading!
IDK if anyone has came out later in life and thought back to interactions with friends that you forgot about and realized how gay you've always been, but that is kind of what Abby is going through here. She is making some kind of head way with her feelings and sexuality, but she still has a long way to go.
Please leave a comment if you want to / have the time, reading them always brings a smile to my face and feedback is always welcome.
Thank you to everyone who already leave comments they are the best part of my day.
Preview to next chapter:
Ellie confronts Abby for being homophobic. Abby is really confused the whole argument.
Chapter 13: Chapter 13
Summary:
Ellie confronts Abby for being homophobic. Abby is really confused the whole argument.
Ps. Somethings to remember going into this chapter. Ellie doesn't remember anything from the hospital. She was passed out in the sewer and then woke up in the car and she never had the conversation with Joel where he explained how the doctors where going to kill her to make the cure.
Just keep that in mind for the first part of this chapter and any time Jerry is mentioned.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
A week passes and Abby is definitely avoiding Ellie.
There was a part of her that hoped Nora was just being dramatic when she warned Ellie about how Abby might act around them, but every time Abby abruptly leaves a room Ellie enters or ducks down a hallway when she sees Nora and Ellie walking towards her, the faster that hope dies.
So Ellie spends most of her days with Nora, helping her find, gather, and pack all the supplies the Stadium is running low on. Owen and Abby are usually stationed by the fences or on the roof. There has been a little more infected activity than usual, probably stirred up from their trip in, so it only seems fair that they help deal with it. Ellie can’t decide if that idea was something Abby came up with or if it was Dougan, but either way it kept Abby far away from Ellie for the last week.
Ellie is currently with Nora looking through an old office on the third floor of the hospital.
Together they have made a habit of looking for any old medical records they can find while they are here. Nora has been tasked with helping teach the next generation of medical professionals back at the Stadium along with Mel and a few other medical staff members. However, they don’t really have any teaching materials apart from hands-on treatment. So she has been wanting to find examples of different treatment options to help teach the new medical students coming in. Nora told her about how she had been taught by Jerry a long time ago, who learned from an actual school specializing in Medicine pre-outbreak, but he died before he could fully complete her training so all she really had to go on were any old records they could find. Well, that and anything Dougan remembers from his pre-outbreak days, but he had been a paramedic so his knowledge was somewhat limited.
Ellie closes a filing cabinet and moves on to the desk. The office they are in is kind of fancy. She could tell that in the Old World it must have been impressive to see. Now the fancy couch is tattered, the desk is riddled with bullet holes, and the pictures that littered the walls have been either stolen or destroyed. Ellie briefly wonders how many infected the WLF or FEDRA had to get rid of inorder to secure this hospital, at least to the degree it is now.
Opening the two draws on the right side yields nothing. Moving on to the left top drawer Ellie finds a bible, useless, and a piece of paper, also useless . Ellie is about to close the drawer when she reads what is written on the paper.
What is a Hippocratic Oath? Ellie thinks as she reads the top of the paper.
“Hey Nora,” Ellie calls out to her as she searches the filing cabinet in the corner, “Remember that oath you were telling me about? Is this it?”
Nora walks over to her, taking the page. As Nora flips it over, Ellie can see that there is writing on both sides. On the top of one side the title says The Greek Hippocratic Oath and on the other
it says The Modern Hippocratic Oath.
Nora’s eyes widen as she looks the paper over. She slowly nods her head and moves over to the old tattered couch. Settling in next to each other they start to read the paper together.
The Greek one is a little weird to Ellie and reads more like a prayer than an oath. Not that Ellie has ever really read oaths before or said any prayers for that matter.
“‘ Into whatever homes I go,’” Ellie reads out loud, “‘I will enter them for the benefit of the sick, avoiding any voluntary act of impropriety or corruption, including the seduction of women or men, whether they are free men or slaves.’ Yeah I would hope that a doctor would not try to have sex with whoever they were trying to cure. What the fuck?”
“Yeah, well have you ever read any Greek plays or mythologies?” Nora asks, “Trying to fuck a sick person would not be out of the realm of possibilities. Look here,” Nora points at the bottom of the page, “ ‘So long as I maintain this Oath faithfully and without corruption, may it be granted to me to partake of life fully and the practice of my art, gaining the respect of all men for all time. However, should I transgress this Oath and violate it, may the opposite be my fate.’ At least there was some type of an attempt at protecting vulnerable people.”
Ellie nods as Nora flips the page over, continuing to read. This side is a bit more like what Ellie would think of when she hears the word oath.
As she reads more and more lines jump out to her.
"I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon’s knife or the chemist’s drug…”
“I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being…”
“I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure…”
“Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty."
Did the doctor that was supposed to treat her have to say this Oath? How would he have talked to her and explained things if Joel hadn’t come in and killed him before she woke up?
“Is this it?” Ellie asks, “Is this what Jerry used to say to you as a kid?”
“I think so. I remember him muttering to himself ‘ Above all, I must not play at God’ when he thought no one was listening. Usually in the Cordyceps Lab when an experiment would fail,” Nora goes quiet for a beat before looking up at Ellie, “Maybe I can bring back this practice to the Stadium’s medical staff. It feels a bit idealist, but it’s a nice sentiment to have especially in these times.”
Ellie nods, watching as Nora tucks it into her journal where she keeps all the other medical papers that she found that day. They both get up to resume their search.
_______
Abby has been doing a great job of avoiding Owen, Nora, and most importantly Ellie for the past week.
Owen always did seem to understand when Abby needed her space and has signed up for guard duty as far as he could from her. So the only times they really saw each other is for dinner and then sleeping. Though thankfully most cots have been taken by the time Abby comes back from her stations, so her cot is nowhere near her other companions. If she purposefully takes longer brushing her teeth before going out to the common room to pick her bed it is no one's business but her own.
Avoiding Ellie and Nora was proving to be more difficult, but thankfully Abby only caught them kissing once when she was walking down the hall and passed an open door. She had heard Ellie’s musical laugh and naturally turned to see what was funny only to see her lean into Nora, smiling all the way to her lips. Abby whipped her head forward so fast she nearly gave herself whiplash and all but ran up to the roof for her turn on patrol.
The rest of her shift Abby could not get Ellie’s smile out of her head or the way her head tilted ever so slightly to the left before her hands went up to grab Nora’s face to pull her in.
Pull yourself together Abby, She told herself. She is your friend, they both are. Stop being weird. She’s your roommate. You should be happy for her, Nora’s great.
Nothing in her little pep talk helped her.
Nora is great.
Ellie is great.
They will be great together.
But Abby has to admit to herself that if Ellie or Nora ever came to her complaining about the other, Abby isn’t sure if she would be able to say anything other than, ‘break up with her’, and she knows that would be selfish. She knows it's bad to wish heartbreak on your friends and Abby feels even worse for doing so.
Abby has gone the whole week trying desperately not to think about why Ellie suddenly being in a relationship hurts her so much or what her past relationship with Nora meant to her when they were teens. She had grown used to her compartmentalization of her memories and feels from that time, that having them come back the way they did gave her a headache everytime she thought about it. But she has been slowly trying to put all the pieces together little by little. A task that is proving more difficult then she would like. Grant anything that she can't just punch away frustrates her.
Now that it's Abby’s turn to go down and guard the door leading to the basement, maybe she can finally start to sort it all out in her head without the risk of seeing Ellie, Nora, or Owen. As long as her partner doesn’t feel like talking.
Of course she doesn’t get that lucky and when she rounds the corner to get to her station, there Ellie is standing with Marcus.
Maybe she’s at the end of her shift. Abby hopes.
“Hey Abby,” Marcus says, “It’s been pretty quiet. Should be an uneventful shift for you two.”
Damn it, Marcus is the one leaving , Abby thinks. Which means that for the next two to four hours she will be stuck with Ellie, the longest time she has spent with her alone since they both got here.
After Marcus leaves, Ellie nods at Abby, but doesn’t talk.
Not a hello.
Not even a smile.
And Ellie has a great fucking smile.
Abby never thought that she could miss something as trivial as a smile so much. She can tell that she is being weird and awkward, but she doesn’t know how to break the ice. She doesn’t want their interactions to go back to the way it was before or the way her friendship turned out with Nora, but she doesn’t know how to stop it from going down that road.
Abby isn’t paying attention to the time, so caught up in her own thoughts and fears, that she doesn’t know how long it takes for Ellie to crack.
“You know what Abby, I never would have guessed that you could possibly be this type of bigoted dickhole, but message received. I’ll see if there is some other room available when we get back to the Stadium,” She sounds almost sad when she says it, but that is a secondary emotion to anger.
Abby's brows furrow, confused as to what brought this on. Abby knows she has been a bit immature, but nothing that should result in this kind of outburst from Ellie, “What?”
“No, I get it. I’ll move out. It’s fine. When Nora said you’d get weird I thought you would at least talk to me still,” Ellie mutters the last part, but grows louder with the next, “But message received loud and fucking crystal clear.”
“You don’t have to move out,” Abby says, when what she really wants to say is, I don’t want you to move out.
“Yeah well I’d rather not live with the female version of Seth thank you very much.”
Abby shakes her head, even more confused, “Who the fuck is Seth? What did Nora say?”
Did Nora tell Ellie about their kiss all those years ago? Abby thinks, fear and heart rate spiking.
“At least you aren’t actively calling me names. Too my face at least,” Ellie mutters.
“Hang on. Who the fuck is calling you names?” Abby takes a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart and stop herself from asking who she needs to fuck up for calling Ellie something derogatory. As calmly as she can, Abby continues, “Can we just back up, slow down and talk about this?”
“Oh so now you want to talk?” Ellie crosses her arms over her chest, “After a full fucking week of the silent treatment? That’s rich.”
“Listen, I’m sorry, okay. I know I’ve been a bit off I just---”
Ellie cuts her off, “If you say you just have a lot on your mind I swear to any fucking god out there that I will strangle you Abigail Anderson.”
Abby takes a stunned step back. Ellie has never called her Abigail before. She has alway been Abby or Abs to her. Abby wasn’t even sure she even knew her real name. Abby sure as shit doesn’t know if Ellie is short for anything.
Not knowing how to fix the mess she somehow got herself into, Abby says the first thing that pops into her mind, “Owen and I broke up.”
Ellie’s eyes grow wide. She visibly lets go of the air in her lungs as she breathes out, “Oh.”
Abby knows it's wrong to place all the blame of her shitty behavior on her break up, but maybe it will fix some thing between them.
“I didn’t know you guys were having a hard time,” Ellie says, moving a little closer to Abby.
“Yeah well… we were.”
Ellie is silent to a beat, “You want me to beat him up for you when we get back to the Stadium?”
Abby’s laugh is probably louder than it should be for how close they are to where the infected might be, but that is the last thing Abby could have guessed Ellie would say at this moment.
“No, I think I’m good, but thank you.”
“Do you like,” Ellie starts, then pauses thinking, “need a hug or something?”
Abby stares at her, apart from training, or when Abby carried her after the party--- an event Abby is not even sure Ellie fully remembers--- they haven’t really touched each other.
But Ellie stands there holding her arms out in a silent invitation that Abby finds difficult to refuse.
Abby is almost half a head taller than Ellie standing up, so the hug is a bit awkward if Abby is the one who is supposed to be taking comfort from it, but she bends her head down to rest gently on Ellie’s head anyways.
The smell of lavender fills her nose and she finds herself breathing the scent in while trying to not make it obvious that that is what she is doing.
After a beat that is much too fast for Abby, Ellie steps away first.
“Thanks,” Abby says after they are each on their respective sides to the doors, “Um, what did you say Nora said… about me?”
Ellie rubs her right ear, a nervous habit of hers that Abby has picked up on, “It’s nothing, she just said that you got weird with her after finding out that she likes women, that’s all. She thought you might…” Ellie waves her hand around aimlessly, “I don’t know what she thought you might do, but there was this guy back in… where I was before, that was this huge dickhead to people who liked others of the same sex or gender so just,” Ellie looks up at her, “I’m sorry for lumping you in with him. I know that’s not who you are and I should have just asked what was up with you instead of just assuming.”
“Oh, I don’t care that Nora likes women, that’s not why---” Abby shakes her head, “I don’t care that you like women either. That doesn’t change anything… and you don’t have to move out if you don’t want to.”
Ellie nods, “That’s good. But you should probably tell Nora that you're cool with her too because I’m pretty sure she thinks you do have an issue with it.”
“I’ll talk to her after this shift. And for what it’s worth, I’m really sorry too… for avoiding you.”
Ellie lightly punches her shoulder, “Just don’t let it happen again. Deal?”
“Deal,” Abby says, feeling lighter than she has in days.
* * *
After their fight and subsequent make up, Abby and Ellie fit back into their easy friendship and by the end of their shift they are back to lightly poking fun at each other like they did before.
It might be all in Abby’s head, but she still feels a small divide in their good natured bittering, like there are still some things left unsaid between them, though that might just be her own ongoing revelation about her feelings for her friend clouding the moment.
“It’s been pretty quiet,” Ellie says when she sees Matt and Owen coming down the hall to relieve them.
“The infected must be pretty far away with all that crackling you two were doing,” Owen says smiling at them both.
Ellie narrows her eyes at him, but before she can speak Abby interrupts, “Very funny Owen. Have a good shift.”
Grabbing Ellie’s arm, Abby pulls her away from Owen, but before they can go that far Owen calls out to them, “Dougan wants to see the two of you.”
Abby just waves at him, not turning around.
“You sure you don’t want me to beat him up for you?” Ellie whispers on their way out.
Abby smiles, shaking her head, “You are not going to beat up Owen.”
“What if I just beat him at a game of chess then?”
Abby sighs, “Fine you can play a game of chess with him for my honor. Are you happy now?”
“Very,” Ellie nods once, looking out at all the people going about their business on the ground floor, “Where would Dougan be?”
Abby sees Nora by some crates outside through the massive windows with a clipboard in hand.
“Come on, Dougan is probably in his office, follow me,” Abby leads them away and up a few flights of stairs to the nicer part of the building. Or at least the less shot up part of the building.
Once there Abby gives the door a quick knock.
“Come on in,” Dougan says from inside.
Dougan’s office is not the nicest place in the world, but Abby can tell he put a little bit of effort into making the office his own. It is as clean as it can get out in the field, the desk was chipped but the furniture is overall in relatively good condition, probably pieced together from the other offices around the hospital to find the items in the best quality.
Entering, Abby and Ellie both stand just inside the door.
“I just got word that the two of you are being called to the Radio Station. They need two replacements for a few people that got hurt when the Scars attacked last night. They think they scared them off, but want to keep the numbers up just in case.”
“Why the two of us?” Abby asks, “This is still her first assignment and we’re supposed to be heading back to the Stadium in a few days.”
“Based on the scores from her evaluation and from what I’ve seen and heard of her from you on your way here, it shouldn’t be an issue with her capabilities,” Dougan looks back and forth between the two of them, “Look Abby, I know it’s not an ideal situation for a first assignment, but take it up with Isaac if you really want to when you get back. The time will shake out to be the same. You’ll just be leaving with a different group from a different place. You can both go, you’ll be leaving in the morning.”
Abby is about to speak again when Ellie grabs her arm, giving it a little squeeze to stop her, “Thank you sir,” before Abby is being dragged back out of the office.
“What the hell was all that about?” Ellie asks as they head back down to the main level.
“What? I thought you’d want to stay with Nora?”
“Yeah, well not at the expense of being treated with fucking kid gloves. I’ve had about enough of that to last a fucking lifetime thank you very much. So next time instead of trying to make a decision for me you can ask me okay?”
It’s like Ellie is talking to some far away person and not Abby at all. Nothing makes Abby regret their mutual agreement to not talk about their histories more than this moment, “You're right. It won’t happen again.”
“Is everything okay over here?” Nora asks, coming up to them. One of her hands goes to Ellie’s, threading their fingers together.
“Yeah everything is fine. We just learned that we’re being called to the Radio Station to replace some people who were injured, that's all,” Abby says when it looks like Ellie is still too upset to talk, “Um, actually, Nora, can we talk for a second?”
Nora looks from Ellie to Abby. It is only when Ellie gives her a nod and small smile that she agrees to follow Abby.
“So um,” Abby starts when they get to a quiet part of the hospital, “Ellie really laid into me when we were guarding the basement… and I think I owe you an apology for how I acted when we were young. It was really fucked up what I did.”
Nora doesn’t say anything, so Abby continues, suddenly finding her nails interesting to look at, “I just, I don’t know… I just thought it would be easier if we didn’t spend so much time together. I should have talked to you about what I was thinking before making that decision for you and then you grew closer to Mel and I met Owen. So I think I just forgot that we had never really worked anything out… I just want to let you know that I’m happy for you… and Ellie. And I don’t want you two to feel like you have to hide or act differently around me then you would around any of our other friends is all. Who you love and choose to date doesn’t affect our friendship. And I’m sorry for how I handled things when I was younger. I still have a lot of things to figure out… About… Everything.”
Throughout her whole speech, Abby had not looked up from her hands once to gauge Nora’s reaction, too afraid of what she might see in her eyes. That is until she sees dark brown hands cover her own.
Finally looking up into Nora’s deep eyes, she sees unshed tears gathering at the corners. Nora pulls her in for a hug, something they haven’t done since they were fourteen.
“It was really shitty of you,” Nora whispers into Abby’s shoulder, “It was more shitty that I lost my best friend in the process, but I forgave you a long time ago,” Nora whispers into Abby’s shoulder. A weight is lifted from her back as she feels the dampness on her shoulder from Nora’s tears, "Honestly, I never thought you would apologize," Nora let out a small laugh.
Abby might not have been the best friend she could have been to Nora in the past, but she can always start now. She can push away her feelings for Ellie if it can make both her friends happy. Abby tightens her hold on Nora, making a silent vow to try her hardest to be a better friend again to both Nora and Ellie.
No matter what. Even if it hurts a little, it will be worth it to see them both smile.
Notes:
Thank you for reading!!!
This chapter was suppose to stop after Ellie and Abby make up, but I feel bad with only updating once a week so I am trying to make the chapters a little bit longer then I usually do. It's just easier for me to edit shorter chapters, but if you all prefer longer ones I can try to combine where it makes sense.
Also I know different medical schools have different Hippocratic oaths or you can like create your own and honestly I forget the institution that I used for this story, but the general concept of this kind of oath will be important later on, both in this story and in a potential sequel if I make that. lol.
Preview to next chapter.
Ellie and Abby's trip to the Radio Station does not go as smoothly as it should, but who do they meet along the way?
(Place your guesses in the comments. It should not be hard. lol.)
Chapter 14
Summary:
Ellie and Abby's trip to the Radio Station doesn't go as smoothly as it should, but who do they meet along the way?
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
When Nora and Abby come back from their talk Ellie can see a lightness in both their steps. She had never noticed the way Nora and Abby both seemed to shirt around each other in their friend group until they were no longer doing it.
The whole rest of the day, before Abby and Ellie have to go to the Radio Station, is spent on Abby and Nora rekindling their neglected friendship and Ellie is content to sit and listen to old stories about their childhood together.
She learns that Nora’s Jerry, the one that taught Nora everything she knows about medicine, is actually Abby’s father. They don’t really talk about him that much and whenever his name is brought up Abby gets all quiet again and Nora quickly changes the subject. Ellie briefly wonders if he knew the doctor that was supposed to treat her, but she doesn’t feel right asking. She barely feels comfortable even being here listening to the stories as it is. Like If she speaks up or asks questions Abby will suddenly remember their deal and want to ask her questions that she has no answers to. Thankfully, Nora slips into a funny story about how Abby tried to steal fruit for them in Colorado, but was caught and for punishment had to help out in the kitchens for a month afterward.
“It wasn’t that bad,” Abby grumbles.
Nora laughs, “Oh yeah? Should I tell Evan to mark you down for the next kitchen assignment?”
“Please don’t.”
* * *
The next day comes fast, finding Abby and Ellie saying goodbye to Nora and Owen in the front of the Hospital after lunch. Abby and Owen seem to have worked out how to still stay friends as ex’s so Ellie decides to spare him the metaphorical beating up.
That is until Abby decides differently.
They are waiting for a Humvee to come so they can set out when they see Dougan walking up to them.
“Ok so we got bad news and good news, which do you want first?” Dougan asks when he reaches them.
“Bad news first,” Abby says before Ellie can say anything.
“Well the bad news is that we don’t have any available Humvees for you two to take, but the good news is that the Radio Station isn’t that far from here.”
“Didn’t you say that the whole reason we’re going in the first place is because Scars attacked and injured people?” Abby asks, raising an eyebrow, “And now you want us out in the open just walking around.”
“Well that’s why we’re sending Muscles and Spy on over. You got here just fine on your own two feet, you can get there too,” Dougan says, walking away from them with a small wave.
Ellie lets out a short laugh shaking her head, “Muscles and Spy. I think I prefer Cowboy. Never thought I’d say that,” Patting Abby on the shoulder she continues, “Come on Muscles, we better head out soon if we want to be there before sunset.”
Ellie turns to leave, but Nora pulls her back lightly by the arm and gives her a small peck on her cheek close to her mouth.
“See you when you get back to the Stadium,” She says lowly, before letting her go.
Ellie nods, raising a hand to the place where Nora’s lips touched her skin.
Abby rolls her eyes, grabs her arm, and starts to pull her toward the exit of the hospital grounds in a teasing manner, “Come on Spy, we better head out soon if we want to be there before sunset,” Abby say’s with a smirk.
Ellie pushes Abby's arm away, “Shut up.”
* * *
“Isn’t that far my ass,” Ellie says. They had been traveling for a little over a half an hour, “You sure you're reading that map right? It’s not upside down is it?”
“I know how to read a fucking map, thank you very much. Also out of the two of us, who’s been there before? Hm? I know the way.” Abby says, pulling the map out of her back pocket again anyways. “It isn’t that far. By car it takes about 20 minutes so it will still take us a few hours to get there on foot, if we cut through the forest it's still about a three mile hike.”
“Okay a three mile hike is nothing. So when are we going to start cutting through?” Ellie asks, gesturing to the woods around them.
“Just up here around this bend. But there’s something I think you’ll like first.”
The something that Abby thinks Ellie would like turns out to be a music store.
“Oh fuck yeah,” Ellie runs into the store with Abby close behind, “How’d you find this place?”
“Out on patrol one day.” Abby shrugs, “I think we were doing a sweep of the infected in the area at the time. I don't know when this area has been swept last so be careful.”
Ellie flips through the records in the corner, “Man it sucks that we don’t have a record player in our room.”
“Just grab anything you want. We can always get one at the Stadium.”
“Really?” Ellies asks even though she is already stuffing records into her bag.
“Slow down there’s still a whole ass floor to look through. Don’t stuff your bag full yet.”
“Good point,” She says, darting off to explore the rest of top floor.
Walking into a room next to the stairs, Ellie’s eyes immediately find a guitar case laying on the floor. Without concession effort, Ellie finds herself opening the case and inside lays a beautiful dreadnought guitar in what looks like perfect condition. Running her fingers across the strings sends the soft sound of the open strings into the air.
Ellie gently takes it out of its case and cradles it like a baby until she is sitting down on the cinder block in the middle of the room. She strums a few notes, turning the nobs at the of the neck to tune the guitar.
The act of playing guitar will always make her think of Joel. And Ellie’s mind fills with questions like it always does when she thinks of him.
What would he do if he was here with her?
What’s he doing back in Jackson now? Probably sitting on his porch strumming on his guitar like she is now if he doesn’t have a patrol. Or working on one of his cravings.
Did he ever finish that horse craving he was working on before she left?
Does he miss her like she misses him?
Almost against her will, she plucks out the first few chords of Pearl Jam’s Future Days and Ellie can almost hear him singing, but it’s her own voice that says the first line before she hears Abby walk into the room.
“Whatcha find?” Abby is leaning against the door frame, her strong arms crossed against her chest when Ellie looks up.
“Nothing, just an old guitar,” Ellie says, laying it down next to her.
“You going to play me a song?” Abby asks, raising her eyebrow.
Before Ellie can come up with a smart reply a loud bang comes from the floor below them.
Abby and Ellie both wipe out their guns and start to descend the stairs, the guitar all but forgotten in favor of investigating whatever made that sound.
Abby is slightly ahead of Ellie going down the stairs, but they branch off into separate directions with just a look and a nod, like they are capable of reading each other's minds.
Abby makes a hard left going to investigate the stage and the broken windows to the outside, while Ellie makes a sweep of the inside of the room from the right. Standing next to the Valant Music Shop sign nothing looks out of the ordinary.
“Maybe it was some kind of animal that got spooked and ran away,” Ellie says, relaxing a bit.
“Or an infected,” Abby says looking at her, “Or a Scar.”
Giving the behind the counter area one last swipe with her eyes, she sees the door to the cabinet under the counter move ever so slightly. Ellie puts a finger to her lips then points at the cabinet door before moving closer to it, her gun at the ready as she yanks the door open.
Slowly lowering her gun at the sight before her.
A young Scar child sits scared in the cabinet unarmed, their hood up so the only thing Ellie can see of them is their hands raised to cover more of their hooded head.
She motions for Abby to put down her gun, “You can come out, I'm not going to hurt you.”
The kid doesn’t move their hand or speak, but they do look at her.
Ellie tries again, “What are you doing out here alone? It's dangerous.”
At this point Abby has come around to see who Ellie is talking to and her hands tighten on her weapon.
“Abby put the gun away, you're scaring them.”
“I’m scaring them. They're a Scar.”
“They’re obviously just a scared kid. I’m not going to just leave a kid to die in the middle of a music store.”
“They’re not going to die in a music store,” Abby says, lowering her gun, but not taking her finger too far from the trigger, “Let’s just leave, before any others come looking for them. They can’t have come here alone and —-“
A loud crash sounds from the upper level and Ellie doesn’t give the kid a chance to protest as she grabs their arm hauling them from the cabinet right as a group of runners barrel down the steps.
“Run!” Abby is already shooting as many as she can, but Ellie knows they are severely outnumbered.
How the hell did they not notice such a large group of infected so close by and how did they get notified of their presents? Ellie and Abby weren’t exactly quiet, but nothing that should attract this many.
Ellie makes it out of the music store with the Scar child in hand and Abby on their heels.
“You were saying?” Ellie yells back to Abby leading them into the forest behind the music store.
“Shut up and keep moving.”
Ellie turns to the kid as they run and sees that they are wearing a black beanie under their hood, completely covering their hair even with the hood off, “Hey kid. What are you doing out here without a weapon?”
“I got lost,” They yell and they sound younger than Ellie thought originally.
“Can we do this later,” Abby interrupts, “You know when a funking hoard isn’t on our asses.”
“True,” Ellie mutters, one hand gripping the kids arm and the other on her pistol.
Their little makeshift team runs through the forest shooting any runners that get too close.
“Wait,” the kid yells and darts out of Ellie’s hold, “over here.”
“Hey!” Abby yells after them as Ellie follows the kid.
“If we cross this river the demons can’t get us,” They explain.
The river that the kid indicates is less of a river and more of a rapid with large slippery boulders making a makeshift bridge through the river as it flows down a small waterfall. If any of them loses their footing and slips into the water they could be taken anywhere down stream or even drowned.
“Think you can make the jumps?” Ellie asks, as the hoard closes in.
“Going to have to,” Abby breaths, “Go,”
The kid is on the other side in record time, like they have been doning it their whole life, Ellie follows as Abby gives them cover.
Ellie is halfway across when she turns around and sees that Abby has still not started and the hoard is closing in on her.
“Come on Abby!” Ellie yells over the sound of the river as she starts shooting at the infected. “I’ll cover you just come on.”
Abby finally starts to make her way across, passing Ellie to the other side. As soon as Abby is there Ellie turns and makes the final jump to dry land.
Her foot, slipping on the muddied ground as earth gives way, but a strong hand grabs her and pulls her to safety before a large chunk of dirt breaks free and falls into the current.
“Thanks,” Ellie says looking up into Abby’s clouded blue eyes.
Abby looks from Ellie’s face back across the river. Many of the hoard fall prey to the rapids and are taken downstream, but there are still a lot that have made at least past the first jump onto the boulders.
“Come on, follow me,” The kid says, running into a buildings along the edges of the rapids. Ellie follows close behind with her arm still in Abby’s grip.
Once everyone is inside Abby finally lets go of Ellie’s arm to topple over a vending machine to block the closed door.
“We should see if there are any supplies before they make it over the river. Let's find what we can and get the hell out of here,” Abby says, searching for any leftover bullets.
“I’m so sorry,” The kid says crouching down in a corner, “This is all my fault.”
“Don’t say that. It’s not like you lead the hoard to the music shop,” Ellie says, looking for anything she can to make a pipe bomb out of or any of the other kinds of bombs she knows how to make.
“Well,” They turn around sitting on the floor leaning their back to the wall.
“You have got to be kidding me,” Abby interrupts, “You lead the horde of us?”
“Abby, it’s not like they did it on purpose,” Ellie puts a hand up to stop Abby from advancing on the kid. Abby huffs out a breath, but turns back to searching the room they are in. “Let’s just start over ok. I’m Ellie and the rude one over here is Abby. What’s your name?”
“My name?” They ask.
“Yeah what do you want us to call you? Wait, Scars do have names right?” Ellie isn’t sure who she is really asking this question to as she looks from Abby to the Scar kid.
“Seraphites.”
“Um… bless you?” Ellie says, “Or was that your name?”
Abby snorts a laugh.
“I’m not a Scar. I’m a Seraphite. And you can call me… Lev,” They say a little shakily at first then stronger, “My name is Lev.”
“Okay well nice to meet you Lev. It sounded like you know this area pretty well back there, is that true?”
Lev shakes his head, “I don’t know this place. I just saw the river through the trees and knew it would make it harder for the Demons to follow us if we crossed it.”
“Smart,” Ellie mutters, “What were you doing out here all alone?”
Lev looks down to his hands, “My sister went out with a hunting party and hasn’t come back yet. The elders weren’t sending any more to look for them so I left.”
“You left without a weapon?” Abby asks.
Ellie didn’t even realize she was listening in on her conversation with Lev or that she had come up behind her, Abby’s chest almost touches Ellie’s back, she stands so close.
“My sister has been teaching me, but we don’t get our weapons until our assignments are given out.”
“Well here you can carry this until we can get you back to your people,” Ellie holds out her pistol for him to take the handle.
Abby laughs, “We are not taking him to his people Ellie. We would be dead before the sun sets.”
Ellie turns to face her, “We have a map, we can take him to the edge of the Saraphite territory or until he is somewhere he recognizes how to get home from.”
“Why?” The child interrupts the start of their argument, “Why are you helping me?”
Ellie shrugs, “Do I really need a reason? Besides you’re like eight. You should be with your family somewhere safe. Now are you going to take the gun?”
Lev shakes his head, “I can’t touch old world stuff.”
“You can’t just be without a weapon. Let's find you a club or something,” Ellie says, holding out a hand to help him stand back up. “Come on kid. I don’t like being this close to infected.”
“I’m not a kid,” He mutters, but takes Ellie’s hand anyway, “I’m eleven.”
“Well you look like an eight year old,” Abby says walking to the next room in the building.
“Don’t mind her, I think she’s just hungry,” Ellie whispers to Lev trying to lighten the mood.
They hear a muffled, “Heard that,” coming from the other room.
* * *
“I really don’t like this Ellie,” Abby whispers for maybe the hundredth time as the sun sets.
They had made it out of the building with little interference from other infected. Thankfully there were no spores in the building and only one stalker that Abby took care of quickly. Now they are taking Lev as close as they can to the Seraphite’s territory.
Looking behind her to Lev as they walk, he keeps on looking between them with a confused look on his face like he is still trying to figure them out, “Anything starting to look familiar yet? For obvious reasons we don’t really want to run into any Seraphites or anything especially in the dark.”
“This is starting to feel like a trap,” Abby says, “We’ve entertained this enough he can find the rest of his way home by himself. We should go. This is definitely Scar territory.”
“Seraphites,” Lev and Ellie say at the same time. Ellie tries to shoot him a small smile, but he just looks at her with his eyebrow pulling closer together.
Something rustling the leaves nearby brings both Ellie and Abby to full alert, both wiping out their guns. Abby positions herself closest to the noise, while Ellie puts an arm out to push Lev behind her.
A Seraphite emerges from the bushes with an arrow drawn.
Ellie immediately lowers her gun and raises her other hand into the air, “Hey, we aren’t here to fight, we were just trying to get this kid back to his family that’s all.”
Ellie steps away to reveal Lev. He pales a little when he sees who is in front of them.
“Yara?” He runs to her as she lowers her bow.
“Where have you been? Mother and I have been so worried,” Yara says, hugging her brother.
“I was looking for you. You never came back and I thought the worst so I had to find you and then before I knew it I was lost. If these Wolves hadn't found me I would be dead by now.”
Yara looks back at them and nods her thanks to them. When she raises her head her eyes lock onto Ellie’s.
“You’re the girl from the house,” Her brows come together in confusion as she stares at her.
Ellie laughs, "And I take it you’re the one that tried to steal my horse?”
“Yeah yeah let's just call it square and agree to forget this ever happened. Why do we?” Abby says, grabbing on Ellie’s arm. “See you later Lev. Or rather hope to never see you again, whichever one is better.”
Ellie waves goodbye to them as Abby tugs on her away from them to quickly make an escape before either one of them decides to sound an alarm to any other Scars nearby.
Before they are fully out of earshot, the last thing Ellie hears is Yara saying, “Lev?”
Notes:
Thank you for reading!
Surprise update!
Comments and Kudos as always appreciated.
The girls meet sweet bean Lev!!!
He will be coming into play a few more times before the original timeline of the game takes place. Think of it more as, if Ellie wasn't here then Abby would have no reason to go to the music store when she did so she would not have meet Lev at this point, but because Ellie is here they did go to the music store so they do meet Lev. (ie. Lev's hiding spot would have worked and the infected would have ran right by him. lol)
Preview to next chapter.
Ellie gets her tattoo finished and the beginning of the end of her relationship with Nora.
Chapter 15: Chapter 15
Summary:
Ellie gets her tattoo finished and the beginning of the end of her relationship with Nora.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Abby and Ellie’s stint at the Radio Station is mostly uneventful.
When the pair are close to the base, but before they are fully in range of the guards stationed there Abby turns to Ellie stopping her in her tracks, “It was weird running into a hoard on our way here right?
Ellie scrunches her eyebrows together as she turns to Abby, “Yeah I guess so. I’d argue that the weirdest part was find the Sc—-“
Abby cuts Ellie off quickly, taking a step towards her, “The only thing we found out there was a hoard. Right?”
There is a certain level of intensity in Abby’s eyes as she says those words that leave Ellie a bit stunned with nothing to do but nod her head. When she does Abby gives her a small nod and a silent agreement to not mention Lev again is struck between them as they enter the Radio Station, but Ellie can’t help but hope that he and his sister made it home okay.
Abby takes the lead in explaining why they were so late to the Radio Station and how they ran into a hoard of infected on their way in. She shifts slightly where they were when they ran into the hoard as the music store was already a bit out of their way, but no one questions her about it apart from the general logistics and where she thinks they led the hoard to.
A quick sweep of the area between the Hospital and the Radio Station is conducted with more WLF being called in from surrounding bases to help complete it. A sweep that neither Abby nor Ellie are permitted to participate in, much to both of their arguments and two days later they are back at the Stadium with the small team that was scheduled to come back at that time.
Nora and Owen return with the resupply not long after Abby and Ellie make it back.
Ellie is sitting down in the Dining Hall with Nick and Adam talking about her tattoo when Nora comes in.
“Hey there, handsome. Whatcha doing?” Nora asks, coming to sit close to Ellie, draping an arm around her shoulder. Her sudden presence catches Ellie a little off guard. During all the time that she and Nora have been hanging out, Nora has never called her handsome before, but the word sends a pleasant shiver down her spine.
Nick raises one eyebrow smirking at the intimate nickname and close physicality.
“We’re just going over the tattoo design and what to trade for it,” Adam speaks up, not paying the appearance of Nora any mind.
Adam is a cool guy from what Ellie can tell. The majority of his legs are both tattooed as well as his left forearm, all of which look to be a few years old and well healed. Adam had explained that he found a tattoo parlor out on patrol one day and brought back all of the supplies about a year ago, before he requested only to be put on in Stadium assignment. They are currently looking through some of his designs even though he said that if she can draw what she wants it to look like then he can fill it in since the tattoo is already outlined.
“I’m thinking you can take my farming assignments for the next three months?” Adam offers.
“You are not going to make my girlfriend take all of your farming assignments for three months. She can do two weeks tops,” Nora cuts in.
For the second time in less than twenty minutes Ellie is stunned. Ellie had not told anyone at the Stadium about her relationship with Nora yet, partly because it hadn’t come up, but mostly because she didn’t want to accidentally tell anyone that Nora didn’t want to know. But now that Nora has so quickly and clearly laid out their relationship Ellie feels butterflies flutter in her stomach and a weight lift from her shoulders that she didn’t even consciously know was there.
“Two weeks! No way, a month,” Adam counters obliviously to the internal revelation Ellie is going through at the moment.
“Deal!” Nora says, quickly shaking his hand.
“Um aren’t I the one that should be doing the bargaining?” Ellie asks, but she can’t keep the smile off her face at the fact that Nora called her her girlfriend.
“Do you want to be on farming assignments for the next three months?” Nora raises her eyebrow, arm still wrapped around her.
“No. One month is good with me,” Turning back to Adam, Ellie asks, “When can we start?”
“I’ll have to take inventory of the ink that I have and get more if needed, but I can find you in about a week. We should be able to finish it in one section, but it might take a while.”
“That’s fine, whenever you have everything set up just come and find me,” Ellie says as Adam gets up from the table.
“Perfect. Just work on finishing that drawing and don’t forget to check the board for my assignments,” He says patting Nick on the shoulder once as he leaves.
With his friend gone, Nick looks between the two of them with a smirk.
“Soo…how long has this been going on for?” He asks motioning between Nora and Ellie.
“None of your business,” Ellie says, opening her journal.
He raises his hands into the air, “Okay damn girl. Between you and me hopefully in a few months Adam will be my boyfriend so like no hate.”
“Really,” Nora says, taking her arm off Ellie and leaning forward. “I didn’t think Adam was your type.”
Ellie wishes she could concentrate on their conversation, but with her journal out all she can think about is trying to recreate the tattoo design she worked on with Cat and the voices in the Dining Hall fade away.
* * *
Somehow Nora convinces her that she should finish with the month of farming assignments before Adam starts the tattoo to cut down on the risk of infection. It makes sense from a medical standpoint, but that doesn't mean Ellie likes it any better.
Although there are some positive things that came from this assignment. One is that she gets to see Shimmer more and make sure that she is doing good. For a group of people that don’t typically care for horses they are doing a pretty good job, but Ellie still wants to see about getting permission to take her out on assignments so she is not always cooped up in the stables with the sheep, but that will have to wait.
Another thing that made these assignments more tolerable is that Nora would bring her lunch every time she is on a farming assignment. Which was great because with Nora being so high up in the medical wing and Ellie out on her own assignments between all the extra farming assignments she is taking on, it did not give them a whole lot of time to just hang out alone. Sure they would sneak into each other’s room whenever Mel or Abby were out on their own assignments, but that doesn’t happen as often as Ellie would like.
After her evaluation and first assignment was completed, Ellie got her ranking and it was just about the same as Abby’s, just in a more stealth lending direction then the brute combat direction that Abby has, so they were often paired up together, unless one of them switched which was rare.
“How’s my Cowgirl doing today?” Nora asks, carrying a bag with their sandwiches in it.
“Oh you know, covered in sweat and dirt,” Ellie reaches for her sandwich with a quick kiss to Nora’s cheek then leads her over to a low storage bench where they have been having their lunch dates the whole month.
“Hmm all you need is the hat.”
“I do need a hat actually,” Ellie says lightly, “this sun is kicking my ass. I don’t know if you know this but redheads burn like motherfucker.”
Nora laughs as she bites into her sandwich and they lap into silence, both content in each other’s company. Ellie sits looking out into the field, just people watching as she takes a bite out of her sandwich. In the distance by the dog pin, a figure catches her eye and Ellie is 95 percent sure that it is Abby as no one else in the WLF looks quite like her so she waves not really expecting a wave back, but pleasantly surprised when she does get one so it must have been Abby.
When her attention comes back to her sandwich the once comfortable silence has shifted. Ellie can tell that Nora wants to say something, but can’t find the words. Something that has started happening more and more recently throughout the month. They would be having a good time and then all of the sudden something would change and Ellie hasn’t been able to pen point what it is yet, not that she really wants to.
“I think the month is out next week so at least you’ll have a little break from the sun soon.” Nora says gathering the trash, “Are you nervous?”
“Nervous? Not really, just as long as it gets covered I’ll be okay with anything.”
Nora takes her right arm in her hands running her finger tips over the bumpy edges of the chemical burn, “I’ve been meaning to ask… how did this happen.”
Ellie takes her arm out of Nora’s hands, pulling down the sleeves of her flannel. “It was just an accident.”
“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me,” Nora says, leaning up for a kiss, which Ellie happily gives.
Ellie nods, hoping she doesn’t ask again anytime soon as she watches Nora walk away, back to the medical wing. She doesn’t want to have to lie to Nora more then she already has.
* * *
Adam finds her a week later in the Library in the middle of playing a game of chess with Abby. She had been in her room with Nora listening to one of the albums she got at the music store on the new record player Abby got them, but when Nora had to report to her shift at the Medical Wing, Ellie found herself bored as hell and went to look or her friend. When she found her, Ellie was able to easily goad Abby into playing with her instead of working on her never ending project with the books.
“We can just bring it with Abs. I only need the one hand to beat you,” Ellie says, standing up to follow Adam.
“You beat me? You're joking right, I wiped the floor with you last time,” Abby says, gathering all the pieces off the board and putting them into one of the many pockets of her cargo pants before following Ellie and Adam out to his little shop.
Adam as it turns out has made a little business out of his skill set. Not only tattoos, but art work and commissions as well. His shop is located at the end of the school section of the Stadium where he also teaches art classes to the young ones.
When they get to the shop Adam props the door open and sets up a table to put the chess board on for them, then he gets to work double checking his equipment.
Abby reset the board, positioning herself close to Ellie’s side as Ellie takes off her long sleeve flannel revealing her basic oversized gray-blue t-shirt. Placing her arm on a different table for Adam to be able to get to work as soon as he is able.
Adam cleans her arm, shaving any peach fuzz that could impede his work.
Running his hand over her scar, he says, “You know tattooing over a scar can be a bit painful right? I can go run and grab some pain meds if you want.”
“Nah. It’ll be fine,” Ellie waves him off making her first move on the chess board, “The outline wasn’t that bad.”
Abby casually positions herself more to the side of Ellie than across like an traditional opponent and places her hand within easy grabbing distance of Ellie, but she doesn’t say anything, just makes her next move with her free hand.
Ellie is fine until Adam starts shading in the moth and she grabs Abby hand, shutting her eyes tight as he makes the first pass.
“We can take a break whenever you want,” He says quietly pausing his work.
Ellie can’t speak and just shakes her head and Adam continues.
The game is forgotten as Ellie tightens her grip on Abby’s hand. At some point Abby must have rearranged their hands because when Ellie finally opens her eyes all she can stare at is their interlocked fingers. Ellie loosens her grip on Abby.
Clearing her throat, Abby says, “Your turn,” gesturing to the board.
Ellie nods her head and makes her move.
Much to Ellie's delight, they were able to finish the tattoo in one session. Granted the session did take a considerable amount of time and it was close to general lights out by the time they left Adam’s shop. Abby had stayed the whole time even when Ellie told her she could leave whenever she got bored, but the only time she left was to grab some food for the three of them. The tattoo came out better then Ellie thought and she couldn’t wait to show it to Nora the next day.
Yet when she went looking for her, Nora was nowhere to be found. The whole day, Ellie searches for her only for Mel to tell her that Nora had picked up an extra last minute assignment and won’t be back for a few days.
Ellie tries to tell herself that it’s was fine. They don’t normally spend every moment together, but they do usually at the very least let each other know if they are going to be away from the Stadium for an extended amount of time.
Maybe she just couldn’t find Ellie when she was getting her tattoo finished.
It’s at least an acceptable lie for Ellie to tell herself, but that doesn’t stop Abby from figuring out that something is up with Ellie.
Thankfully she doesn’t ask, but Ellie can feel her eyes on her whenever she gets extra quiet.
When Nora finally does come back Ellie only has thirty minutes before she has to report to the garage to go out to the Wall for the next two weeks with Abby.
“Hey babe,” Nora says like she didn’t just disappear for a full week without telling Ellie.
Ellie is standing in her doorway, Abby behind her as they were just about to head to the garage together. Ellie doesn’t speak shocked to see Nora standing at her door so casually after being gone for so long without a word.
“I’ll ah… meet you by the shooting range,” Abby says, shouldering between Ellie and Nora out of the room and down the hallway.
Nora is quiet as they both watch Abby turn the corner. Ellie finally steps back to let Nora into the room.
“Why do moths like the light?” Nora asks, looking at Ellie’s finished tattoo peeking out from her jackets rolled up sleeves. The jacket is a bit big on her probably because it was actually Abby’s old one. “Because if they liked the dark they’d be goths.”
No matter how angry Ellie wants to be at Nora at the moment, she can’t help the little smile that graces her lips, “Where have you been?”
“I just got called last minute to the FOB. I’m sorry I didn’t have time to tell you before I left.” Nora says, finally taking her eyes off the tattoo, “It was unexpected, but I’m back now, maybe you can sneak into my room later tonight?”
Ellie starts to nod, accepting the statement that she knows is a lie, but it quickly turns to a shake as Nora finishes, “I’m heading out to the Wall now. In ten minutes actually. We won’t be back for two weeks.”
Nora’s gaze hardens, “In three days I’m heading to the hospital to relieve Dougan for a month. I was hoping we could spend the time together. Mel is gone on assignment out of the Stadium. We could talk.”
“What do you want me to do about that?” Ellie asks, slowly getting angry, “I’m not the one that disappeared for a week. We could have talked then.”
“I got called away, there was nothing I could have done.”
Ellie’s alarm goes off. The alarm she set on her watch just in case she got distracted drawing in her room. Something she would have likely done if Abby hadn't come to the room to shower after working out and they decided to walk together to the garage.
Nora shakes her head slumping her shoulders, “It’s fine we’re both just busy. We can talk about it when we’re both here again.”
“Is that really okay with you?” Again Ellie can tell there is more that Nora wants to say, but again she is too afraid to call her out on it especially when she doesn’t really have time for that conversation nor does she particularly want to have it.
“Yup! Perfectly fine.” Nora says with fake cheer in her voice. When she comes in for a kiss it’s longer than a peck, but lacks the passion their kisses usually have when they are alone. Something about it feels more like a goodbye then a see you later kiss.
When Nora leaves, Ellie stands frozen in her room more than a little hurt. Why did Nora lie to her face like that? What did that kiss mean? Why did Nora really not tell her she was going on an assignment?
Ellie is ten minutes late to meet Abby as these questions roll around in her head and she isn’t any closer to an answer then she was when Nora left her room.
Notes:
Thank you for reading!!!
Comments and Kudos are always appreciated.
Preview to next chapter:
A lot happens with Abby in the next chapter. We get to see her perspective on Nora and Ellie’s relationship and Abby finds a very interesting book while out on patrol that might be able to help her figure herself out a bit.
Chapter 16: Chapter 16
Summary:
A lot happens with Abby. We get her perspective on Nora and Ellie's relationship and overall just Ellie and Abby and bonding time.
Abby's nightmare is pretty gory so if you want to skip that part is starts at "She can’t tell how long she has been screaming" and pretty much ends at "Abby! Abby!" All you really need to know for that part is that Abby's nightmare makes her fathers death worse then it was and that Abby feels like she could have saved her father if she was in the room.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
It is getting harder and harder for Abby to not bust down Nora’s door and tell her off.
When Ellie finally came down to the garage from talking with Nora, clearly looking upset, it took everything in Abby not to march back up to Nora’s room and punch her in the face. The only thing keeping her rooted to where she was is Ellie’s hand on her shoulder as she tries to pretend that everything is fine. Just like she has been doing the whole week Nora’s been gone.
Thoughts swirl in Abby’s head the whole way to the Wall, but she doesn’t bring it up until they are settling into their room before their first watch shift.
“So how was your talk with Nora?” Abby asks, trying to seem nonchalant as she puts her bag on one of the two beds in the room. The room is a lot smaller than their one at the Stadium with the two beds only separated by a small walkway.
“It was fine.”
Abby nods even though Ellie is not looking at her, “If you want to talk—“
“I don’t,” Ellie interrupts, “Come on. Don’t want to be late to watch.”
Ellie is out the door before her full sentence is out of her mouth, leaving her bag half open and a comic on her bed. Sighing Abby grabs the comic along with her own book and heads to the watchtower they were assigned to upon arrival.
Ellie is already there with binoculars looking out into the forest when Abby gets there. She taps Ellie with her comic book on her shoulder before balancing it on her leg and sitting down in the only other chair in the tower. She leans back propping her feet up on the ledge and opens her book to, at the very least, pretend to read. If Ellie doesn’t want to talk about whatever is going on with Nora then that is fine Abby shouldn’t have asked in the first place. She promised herself she would not interfere with their relationship.
“Nora and I just had a dumb fight that’s all. It was stupid,” Ellie mutters after a few minutes of silence, not taking her eye off the forest line.
Abby hums like she hasn’t been staring at her through her peripheral vision the whole time.
“Nora lied to me and I fucking hate that shit. That’s all.”
Abby’s grip on her book tightens, “What did she lie about?”
Ellie sighs, “You know she’s been gone for the last week right?” Ellie finally puts down the binoculars and turns to her. Abby nods for her to continue. “She’s been gone since I got this tattoo finished, probably before actually I don’t even know when she left, but when she got back she was trying to tell me that she got called away on an assignment, but Mel said that she took on an extra assignment. So one of them is lying and I don’t think Mel would have any reason to do that.”
A flash of a memory comes to Abby's mind.
Ellie, sitting in Adam’s shop, eyes closed, gripping Abby’s hand. Out of the corner of her eyes a figure stands in the doorway. Abby doesn’t look up until the figure turns to leave, but she knew the figure was Nora even before looking up at her retreating form.
“I’m sure she has her reasons for doing that,” Abby says, fighting every urge to tell Ellie to just break up with Nora.
A good friend would not do that . Abby has to remind herself of her vow to be a better friend to them both. So instead she says something even stupider, “I’m always here if you need to talk about anything.”
Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Ellie nod her head once.
“I thought you said that roommates don’t get paired for every assignment?” Ellie says trying to change the subject, clearly done with hard emotions for the day.
“They don’t. I guess you're just lucky.”
“Or you’re just unlucky,” Ellie laughs, but there is little joy behind the sound. Maybe if Abby hadn’t heard her real laugh before this would be enough to make her think Ellie is fine, but the more she tries to hide her pain the more obvious it is to Abby what she is hiding.
“Maybe we just work well together,” Abby says.
Ellie doesn’t need to know that Abby has requested a reassignment everytime they were not originally paired together. It is a good thing Ellie sleeps in so much and never checks the board until at least lunch time, that is if Abby doesn’t just tell her what assignments she has before then.
* * *
One thing Abby finds herself worrying about during these long boring assignments is the simple act of going to sleep, especially when she has to share such a small room with another person.
She never knows when the nightmares will start up again. They come infrequently enough now that she almost forgets that she gets them. In fact the reason she had the room at the Stadium to herself to begin with was how often she would wake up screaming when they first got to Seattle. Abby always did feel bad for waking up Leah in the process before she requested a room change leaving Abby to be roommate-less until Ellie came.
Over time the nightmares did get less intense or maybe Abby just got used to them in some sick way and by the time Ellie started to share the room with her they had become mostly manageable. It also helped that Ellie is such a heavy sleeper after training that even the few times that Abby startled awake and went out to the gym in the middle of the night she had not been disturbed. That or she had the decency to pretend to be asleep.
But this was different from any assignment Abby has been on with Ellie before. Other bases either had enough rooms for them to sleep separately or no rooms at all and everyone stationed there slept in the same room like at the hospital. Something about all the noise from the other people kept Abby half awake enough for her not to dream, let alone have the nightmare.
The nightmare is always the same though.
She always starts off in a hallway. Sometimes she is in the Stadium. Sometimes she is at the old college in Colorado. Even rarer times she starts in a forest, a hallway of trees. But no matter where it starts the hallway always morphes into that hallway.
The hallway of the Salt Lake City hospital. She knows exactly where it leads. Knows exactly what she will see when she gets to that room, but she can’t stop it. Sometimes she sees herself walking down the hallway from somewhere outside of herself and other times it’s almost like she doesn’t have any control over her body as she makes the walk, no matter how much she doesn’t want to move, almost as if something else is controlling her. Sometimes she can wake up before she enters the room, but not tonight.
She can’t tell how long she has been screaming. Her throat is so raw as she sees him lying in a puddle of his own blood. Part of her knows that it was not actually as bad as her mind is making it out to be now. She knows that it was just one shot to the head, but in this dream she can’t even make out his face under the split bloodened skin, chunks of flesh sliding off his skull as she sits there alone in the puddle of her fathers blood asking herself why she wasn’t there when that mad man came in and killed her father. It would not have happened if she was there; she just knows it. She would have been able to kill him before he killed her father.
“Abby! Abby!”
Someone is touching her, but all she can see her father’s mangled face.
“Abby!” The touch turns into a grab and a shake.
Finally she opens her eyes to see a considered face shrouded in darkness inches away from her own.
“Sorry,” Abby breathes out trying to slow her heart rate, “What time is it?”
Ellie doesn’t move away from her or move her hand gripping her shoulder until Abby moves to sit up.
“It’s 3 something,” Ellie says, not looking at her watch.
Abby nods, hand on her chest, feeling every beat of her heart as it slows down. Ellie doesn’t move back to her bed to go back asleep like Abby thinks she would. Instead she sits there right next to her on her bed until Abby calms down.
“I thought they were getting better,” Abby mutters so quietly that she’s not sure if Ellie could even hear her.
Abby sees Ellie shake her head out of the corner of her eye.
“Don’t apologize for that. I don’t think I can trust a person who can sleep through the night with no issues in this world,” Ellie rubs the ring and pinky finger of her left hand, “There was this kid and his brother… Sam and Henry… that we traveled with. Not for long or anything, but me and Sam became fast friends. He was my first friend after… well after we left Boston. We made it to right outside Pittsburgh running from these crazy ass people and a bunch of infected,” Ellie breathes deeply, “I still see both of their bloody faces sometimes when I close my eyes. You don’t have to hide your nightmares from me.”
Abby gently takes her left hand disturbing Ellie’s fiddling with her fingers, “Thanks.”
They sit there on Abby’s bed in comfortable silence until they each lay down and eventually fall asleep.
* * *
Abby wakes up first.
Ellie’s hand still clasped in hers, the morning sunlight hitting her auburn hair in such a way that brings out the red hues more than usual. She doesn’t know how long she lays there watching Ellie sleep.
It’s not until she decides to get up and take a shower that Abby realizes she didn’t have another nightmare after Ellie woke her up. Usually after a nightmare as intense as that one Abby can’t even close her eyes again without being back in that room at that hospital, yet somehow holding hands with this girl makes her mind calm down.
“Get up sleeping beauty we’re patrolling today,” Abby says, throwing a damp towel at Ellie’s sleeping form. She had curled up more on the bed in Abby's absence.
Ellie begrudgingly blinks her eyes open, “Shit, what time is it?”
“Too late for you to take a shower, we leave in 15,” Abby says brushing her hair.
Ellie just stares at her with half-lidded eyes from Abby’s bed. A pang of guilt shoots through her. Ellie would not be this sleepy if Abby had just been quiet with her nightmare.
Abby is halfway finished re-braiding her hair when Ellie finally says something, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with your hair down.”
It’s a quiet statement, one that doesn’t really need a response so Abby lets it go as Ellie finally gets up from the bed and gets ready for the day.
* * *
“So, is there a route we follow for these patrols or what?” Ellie asks Abby as they set out.
“Yeah, it’s just a loop into some of the buildings around Capitol Hill and a few streets over to make sure no Scars have made a camp too close, but really this time of year is usually pretty quiet, Scar wise. At least in this area. So we should only have to worry about infected,” Abby answers, “However, if we do see any Scars the protocol is to mark it on a map and head back immediately without engaging, if it can be helped.”
“Good to know,” Ellie checks her rifle before they both head out for the day.
Abby always liked patrolling around the Wall. It always amazed her how nature took over the city. She can’t imagine what it was like living here when the QZ’s were fully operational. Her father never talked about outbreak day or what he did before he joined the Fireflies. They had always just been Fireflies.
Looking over to Ellie she says, “Isaac told me you used to live in a QZ…Out in Boston.”
Ellie stops walking, “You talk about me with Isaac?”
“I talk with Isaac, not necessarily about you, but when you first came he gave Owen, Manny, and I all the rundown as your direct reports.”
“Direct reports,” Ellie laughs and continues to walk, “Yeah I used to live in a FEDRA Military School in Boston. Go Orphans.”
“I’ve never been in an active OZ. What’s it like?”
“You’re not missing much honestly. Just a bunch of dickheads pushing each other down to climb two inches up. It sucked.”
Ellie and Abby laps back into their easy silence as they clear the surrounding buildings of infected easily.
Somehow they make it to a place Abby has never been to before.
“What’s with all the rainbows?” Ellie asks, coming to stand next to Abby.
Abby shrugs, “I don’t know, to be honest I rarely take this route when I’m at the Wall, but we should clear it just in case.”
Ellie nods following Abby’s lead and together they clear out the handful of infected in the first few buildings along their route until they make it to a bookstore empty of infected.
“All this stuff has women on it,” Ellie says looking at all the posters, “Nope wait, dudes. Two dudes.”
Abby’s scans the shelves drifting over the titles not expecting to find anything of interest until her eyes land on one front facing book.
Sorority Secrets .
Almost like she is drawn to it she picks it up.
“Whatcha looking at?” Ellie startles her, coming up behind her and it’s too late to pretend like she was not interested in the book.
Ellie takes the book out of her hand to read the back, before laughing, “I’m pretty sure this is a porn book there Abs. One that I’m not too sure you’d be all that interested in by the looks of it.”
“Just trying to figure out what kind of bookstore this used to be.”
“Pretty sure it’s an erotica store,” Ellie puts the book back down on the shelf, “Reminds me of Bill to be honest,” She mutters under her breath as she walks away.
When Ellie is out of eye sight Abby tucks the book into her bag quickly, “Who’s Bill? That one of the guys you traveled to Colorado with.”
“Man Isaac really did tell you everything didn’t he? No Bill is this old mean guy that we got a car from. I just found one of his magazines in the back seat and terrorized the driver with it. He never did appreciate my amazing sense of humor. Come on, we should probably keep going.”
Exiting the bookstore Abby looks around, a question on her tongue.
“Hey El,” Ellie stops a few feet in front of her, turning sideways to look at her, “can I ask you a question. If it’s too personal just tell me to fuck off.”
“Sure shoot,” Ellie shrugs, continuing to walk.
“How’d you know you like women?”
Stopping again Ellie doesn’t turn around, but she does let out a small laugh, “Uh to be honest for a long time I just thought everyone liked women. I mean what's not to like. My first kiss was my best friend when I was fourteen and I didn’t really put that much thought into it other than if she liked me back. Why?”
“No reason. So you’ve never liked a guy before?”
Ellie shrugs her shoulders “Nope. Hasn’t even crossed my mind.”
“I know Nora’s dated both before so I just wasn’t sure what you would call it.”
“Does there really need to be a label for it? People can just like who they like, right?”
“I guess so,” Abby says, “we can turn here and follow the trees back to the Wall.”
The trip back to the Wall is uneventful as their conversation shifts to less intrusive topics.
They are clearing the last building before the Wall when Abby spots a quarter on the floor.
“Ah sweet,” Abby mutters under her breath, “Virginia I don’t think I have this one yet.”
Ellie rounds the corner, “Whatcha find.”
“Oh nothing,” Abby trucks the quarter in her pocket, “it’s kind of stupid.”
“Come on, just tell me. You think I won’t go into your pants if I have too?”
Abby laughs reaching into her pocket to take it back out to show her, “It's just a quarter. My dad used to collect them back… before Salt Lake City.”
Ellie takes the quarter from her hand sending small electric pulses through Abby’s hand where their skin meets.
She flips the quarter around, “Hm I didn’t know quarters had different backs based on the state.”
“Yeah I don’t really know why he collected them, but he did.”
“And now you do?”
Abby nods, taking the coin back and continuing on to the Wall.
Walking up to the wall Abby sees someone that she didn’t expect to see during this assignment.
Mel hopes out of the back of a Humvee with Alice trailing behind her. If Abby is remembering the assignment board right Mel should not be at the Wall this week.
“Hey Alice, who’s a good girl,” Ellie says, as Alice runs towards her and she bends down to scratch behind Alice’s ears.
Abby speeds up to Mel, “What are you doing here?”
“Gee Abby good to see you too.”
“You know what I mean. You weren’t scheduled to be here today.”
“Yeah well a shift opened up.”
“And Nora didn’t take it?” Abby crosses her arms. She sees Ellie standing up to come closer to them and before she can get within earshot Abby says in a low voice, “You always had this shift you didn’t pick it up understood? I’ll explain later.”
Mel gives a small nod of understanding as Ellie comes closer to them.
“What’s up Mel? I don’t remember seeing you on this assignment.”
“Maybe we need to check your eyes then,” Mel forces a laugh out.
“God don’t put that out into the universe.”
* * *
It was nice having Mel here at the Wall.
For how mad Abby is at Nora for not taking an extra shift at the Wall, she can kind of understand her reasoning now that Mel explained what she is doing at the Hospital, it doesn’t mean she likes it.
It doesn’t mean Abby agrees or would have made the same choice in her shoes. It does, however, mean she has spent the rest of the week weighing the pros and cons of telling Ellie that Nora had the opportunity to switch with Mel and be with her for a week and didn’t take it.
It doesn’t matter anyways as they head back to the Stadium. In a few weeks Nora will be back and they will work out whatever happened between them.
As they pull into the garage, Ellie suddenly grabs Abby’s arm and points. Following her gaze Abby sees Isaac and Dougan walking close together, shoulders almost brushing. Isaac smiles softly at something Dougan is saying.
“Are Isaac and Dougan… a thing?” Ellie asks.
Abby shrugs like she doesn’t know that Isaac and Dougan have been secretly seeing each other for the better part of a year. Her smile probably gives her away.
“Dude. No way,” Ellie laughs with her full body, the first real laugh Abby has heard from her all week.
Notes:
Thank you for reading!!
Comments and Kudos are always appreciated and feedback is always welcome. I also finally remembered to update how many chapters this story will be. It might change as I write.
Preview to next chapter:
Abby finally has a name for her sexuality, Nora and Ellie's relationship continues to be on the rocks, and the gang celebrates Christmas at the aquarium.
Chapter 17: chapter 17
Summary:
TW: Drinking and smoking.
Abby spends a considerable amount of time pining over Ellie in this one.
Nora and Ellie's relationship continues to be on the rocks and the gang celebrate Christmas at the Aquarium.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The month that Nora is away passes quickly and Abby knows the exact day of Nora’s return to the Stadium based on Ellie’s disappearance one night.
Abby doesn’t know what woke her up. She didn’t have a nightmare, but something must have roused her, so when she sat up in her bed and saw that Ellie’s was empty, she just knew Ellie was with Nora and had been for who knows how long. She didn’t return to their room until the early morning, hair a bit tousled and a soft smile on her face.
Abby had just gotten back from the gym as well, hair sticking to her neck with sweat. She didn’t ask about where Ellie disappeared to that night. She just said a quick good morning on her way to the bathroom for a shower. Where she probably spent too long trying to convince herself that she is happy for Ellie that whatever issues plagued her relationship before seem to have resolved itself now.
And that was enough information for her.
For the next few weeks, any time Mel took an assignment out of the Stadium, Ellie could be counted on to sneak out of their room in the night to be with Nora. A routine that was a bit too familiar to Abby from her early teenage days.
But Abby has to admit that she is actually a little glad that Ellie has been spending so much time out of their room, as it gave her time to read the book she found in that bookstore in peace.
Ellie was right, it was porn. Not incredibly well done porn either, but it did shockingly help Abby more than she thought that it would. When she had first grabbed the book from that store she didn’t really know what to expect. If asked now she still couldn’t say what made her stuff it into her bag.
But Abby did find herself relating the most to the dark haired character, as she went on a journey of discovering that she was bisexual throughout the story. Not that names or labels mean that much in this fucked up world, but it must have meant something in the Old World, as the book was chalked full of people labeling themselves as bisexual, pansexual, lesbian, or gay along with other labels as well. Abby doesn’t know if that is exactly how she would identify if asked, but it is the closest thing to what she feels is correct, so it was nice to finally have a name to put to her feelings. It helped her examine why she acted the way she did with Nora all those years ago.
Abby wishes that she could go back in time and tell her younger self not to be so scared of her own feelings for her friend back then, because that's what it all really was at the end of the day, stupid fear. She doesn’t even know what she was so afraid of now either. Though, through reading this book she knows that there definitely was something to be afraid of back then.
* * *
Abby starts to become a bit concerned whenever Ellie doesn’t sneak out of their room when Mel is out of the Stadium.
Abby can now anticipate when it will happen sometimes, but the first time was a bit of a surprise.
Abby had noticed that Ellie had been acting off ever since they got back from patrolling around the Stadium, a short day assignment. Which was concerning on its own because while on said patrol she seemed fine, better the fine even. Abby knows that she made a promise to herself to not meddle in her friend's relationship, if she is happy then that was what mattered.
But now that Ellie is here and looking so sad she couldn’t help, but at least ask, “Isn’t Mel at the Wall today?”
“Yeah why would that matter?”
“Don’t you usually sneak out to Nora’s room when Mel’s out?”
“Oh,” Ellie says sadly, “I didn’t think you noticed that.”
Abby sits up from her bed, turning on her desk light to better see the figure turned towards the wall on the other side of the room, “Do you want to talk about anything?”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Ellie’s voice comes out monotone at best and a bit exasperated at worst. “Nora’s just busy, that's all.”
“Did you guys break up?” Abby tells herself that it would not matter if Ellie said yes or no. That Abby would treat her the same. She knows deep down it's a lie.
“No, we didn't break up. We’re fine. We’re both just busy, that's all. Go back to bed.”
Abby lets it go and two weeks later Ellie is back to sneaking out to be with Nora, like nothing happened. She vows never to ask if they are broken up again. A promise that gets harder and harder to keep when Ellie continues to come back to their room looking somber over and over again only to turn around and disappear off with Nora, seemingly whenever Nora decides she wants Ellie around.
The only thing that keeps Abby from ripping into Nora everytime Ellie seems a little sad is when she and Ellie are paired up on assignments together. Something Abby has been trying to give up control of lately. She can understand that her desire to have all of her loved ones safe and close to her at all times can be a bit overbearing, so she no longer requests assignment changes to match Ellie’s schedule anymore. They do still tend to get paired together more often than not though, so Abby probably didn’t even need to ask in the first place. Which is great because Ellie always seems lighter and in a good mood when it is just the two of them.
It can’t just be something Abby is imagining, their closeness. They lean on each other too much while they are away from the Stadium for it to mean nothing.
Abby has to tell herself that it is nothing though, that they have to lean on each other like they do or else they could die out there. It's a hollow thought that dies easily whenever Ellie calls her name in warning, grabs her arm to save her from some infected, or looks for an alternative route to avoid heights for her. It is probably getting too easy for Abby to forget that Ellie is dating someone else in these small moments of escape. That coupled with the amount of times Nora and Ellie seem to be on the outs with each other, makes it hard for Abby to tell what is crossing the line and what is just being a good friend.
During one of Ellie and Nora’s semi-breakups, because no matter how many times Ellie swears they are not broken up it sure seems that way to Abby, Ellie decides to cut her hair.
She was in the bathroom for a while, so when she first walks out with it freshly done, Abby looks up from her book ready with a snarky comment only for it to die on her tongue as she takes in Ellie new hair. It’s shorter than before, but still long enough to put in a low bun or ponytail if that is something she wants to do and it looks good. Too good.
Ellie is quiet for a moment probably waiting for some kind of comment from Abby and when she doesn’t provide one Ellie asks if it is horribly uneven in an uncharacteristically self-conscious tone.
Abby swallows thickly and then shrugs before saying, “A little bit. Want me to even it out for you?”
When Ellie nods Abby gently puts her book down and they both re-entered the small bathroom. Ellie hands Abby the scissors, their fingers briefly touching and Abby tries to ignore the sensation that shoots through her arm.
Abby’s fingers gently comb through Ellie's damp hair for a few seconds before she starts to make gentle snips here and there, her fingers lightly grazing Ellie’s neck every so often. Her hair is now at the nape of her neck. Abby can not resist lightly blowing on the soft skin there, just to see what would happen, knowing that if Ellie questions her about it she can simply say that she was clearing off the cut hair. She can see small goose bumps starting to rise on the back of Ellie’s neck and knows that she has to finish what she is doing soon before she does something truly reckless, like turn Ellie around and hoist her onto the sink to kiss her. Something she has been thinking about doing ever since she read it in that god awful--- wonderful ---book.
Abby steps away when she snips off the last bit of hair, gently brushing off the excess hair from her neck and hoping that her face doesn’t look too red.
Ellie slowly runs her fingers through the bottom of her hair shaking it out, before thanking her and exiting the bathroom. Abby stays hunched over the counter trying to calm her racing heart. Did Ellie look just as flustered as Abby felt or was that her imagination?
She knows Ellie is probably wondering what is taking her so long and eventually turns on the shower, setting it to cold before stripping and getting in herself, mostly just for something to do while her face cools down a bit. All the while thinking about how ridiculous she feels pinning over her friend who is already in a relationship no matter if they are on a break or not. Because in a few weeks they will be back together like they never broke up in the first place.
Because they never did.
True to their form before Chrismas Nora and Ellie are back together and the group makes a plan to sneak out of the Stadium to go to Owen’s aquarium for a little Christmas celebration.
* * *
“Hey we gotta stop somewhere first before we go to the Aquarium.” Abby hears Ellie calling out to her from behind. It is just after the general lights out and the two of them have just made it out of the Stadium grounds.
Abby nods, motioning for Ellie to take the lead, something that Abby doesn’t usually allow just anyone to do, but with Ellie it has become second nature to her. In moments like this, it’s easy to forget that Ellie is taken. It’s too close to how they act when they are out on patrol or assignments together and Abby has to confess that her feelings for Ellie have grown far above friendship in the relatively short time they have known each other, but Ellie makes it so hard not to fall for her and she doesn’t even have to try.
Abby shakes her head hoping that her thoughts of her friend will go away, but now that Ellie is in front of her leading her to wherever it is they are going, it’s hard not to look at her ass and wonder how it would feel in her hands.
Lost in thought, Abby almost runs into her when she suddenly stops.
“What the fuck is that?” Abby asks when they make it to a car half overtaken by snow on the outside.
“Well according to the user manual in the glove compartment it's a 2001 Toyota Camery. I like to come here sometimes and draw the deer that come through, but today it's where I hid my gift for the party. I’m just thankful it hasn’t snowed again since I cleared it off last.” Ellie climbs from the front seat into the back to grab what she needs and Abby tries not to be too obvious in her staring.
“What is it?” Abby asks when she gets back out of the car.
Ellie holds up a DVD of Die Hard.
Abby lets out a small snort, “Where did you even find this?”
“You remember that patrol I did with Owen a few weeks ago? We found this old DVD rental store. Don’t tell anyone but I think we spent more time carting TV equipment to the Aquarium then we did actually partoling.” Abby opens her mouth to say something about how dangerous that could have been, but Ellie cuts her off before she can try, “Oh don’t give me that look. The Seraphites have been pretty quiet lately.”
Abby can’t really argue with that. She’s right, the Scars have been scarce lately. “There is still the infected you know. You should at least pretend to be careful out here.”
“Awe you do care.” Ellie sings-songs as she continues leading them through the forest. “It’s a Christmas miracle.”
“Hey asshole, I care.” Abby says chasing after her as she runs away. Abby knows that Ellie is not running as fast as she can, as not to lose her, but Abby still gives it all she can until she finally catches up with her and puts her into a fake head lock. Really just a hug around the neck, something Abby knows for a fact Ellie can easily get out of if she wants to.
Abby didn’t notice they ran all the way to the Aquarium until a soft clearing of a throat brings both of their attention to Mel and Nora standing in front of the door waiting to be let in.
“Hey Nora!” Ellie says slipping from Abby’s hold easily and going over to hug her girlfriend.
Abby tries not to meet Mel’s eyes as Owen finally lets them all in. She always seems to see too much when it comes to Abby’s relationships. It also doesn’t help that she caught her reading Sorority Secrets while on assignment without Ellie. She didn’t say anything about it, just stared at the cover with a raised eye as Abby quickly tucked it away.
Even after figuring out what to label her sexual and romantic attraction to both men and women, Abby still hasn’t come out and said it to anyone. Not that she doesn’t want to, but it just doesn’t feel like something you just come out and say to random people.
Nora hadn’t said anything to anyone, she just started referring to the women she dated as her girlfriend or as people she used to date. There was no grand I’m, insert whatever label she likes here.
Ellie too never came out and said anything, it was just always, this is who I am, this is who I like, don’t like it then fuck you. But something in the way Mel looks at her tells Abby that she might already know. That she might have known even before Abby knew. That she might have figured it out when Abby was still with Owen and she sees it even clearer now as they both enter the Aquarium.
Abby can tell this is going to be a long night.
* * *
“See it’s not a Christmas movie!” Manny waves his hands in front of the screen when the credits start to roll on the film.
“What’s not Christmas about traveling for the holiday in the hopes of rekindling family ties. And it takes place during a Christmas party, and don’t get me started on the music.” Ellie argues, “Abby, back me up on this one.”
“Don't look at me. I’m staying out of whatever this is.” Abby can’t stand the look of betrayal on Ellie’s face from her seat on the floor, beer in one hand and an arm draped around Nora on her other side who is currently using Ellie as a human pillow.
There was only the one couch in front of the tiny TV that Owen, Mel, and Abby grabbed first. Manny and Nick had each grabbed chairs from other parts of the Aquarium to sit in. But Leah, Jordan, Ellie, and Nora had just grabbed blanks and pillows to camp out on the floor to cuddle with their significant other while the movie was on.
“It was still a good movie though.” Abby says hoping that Ellie will stop looking at her like that. Abby was far too sober for that look.
“Ok no more arguing about movies,” Mel says standing up, “It is a Christmas movie because we watched it during christmas. Nope,” Mel raises a hand to Manny before he can interrupt. “I don’t want to hear it. Now let's turn on some music. Leah, light the joint, and let’s have some real fun. I’m going to go grab another drink. Does anyone want one too?”
“I was having fun,” Ellie mutters, standing up and helping Nora stand as well, who was already looking like she wasn’t going to be making it through the night awake.
Though Abby couldn’t really blame her. The fact that she was here at all was a bit surprising, considering that she did just get off a pretty long shift today, as the medical staff have been stretched a bit thin during the winter.
“I’ll come with you Mel,” Ellie says, jogging to catch up with her after depositing Nora onto the couch in Mel’s place. Owen and Abby both stand up when she starts to stretch out and with nowhere to go Owen follows Ellie and Mel out of the room.
Ellie isn’t gone for long, but Nora has already fallen fast asleep.
“Hey Abby,” Ellie whispers, raising one of the glasses in her hands to her. “Let’s let her rest. She hasn’t been having the best week.”
Abby takes the drink offered to her and exits the room with Leah, Jordan, Nick, and Manny following after them.
In the lobby Mel and Owen are standing close together by the fire in the center talking.
Mel notices their group coming down first and nods her head in their direction.
Owen takes a step away from her and turns towards them.
“Nora didn’t make it?” Owen asks when everyone settles in around the fire to warm up a bit.
“No, she's down for the count. She’s been picking up extra assignments with April, Becca, and Andrew out sick,” Ellie says, taking the joint that Leah lit.
“Oh wait,” Leah says running to her bag, “Look what I found.”
She comes back waving around a polaroid camera. Holding it up to her face she points it at Abby, “Say cheese,” Abby barely has time to smile as she clicks the button on top and a sheet comes out the bottom.
Leah waves it twice in the air before handing it to Abby. When she looks at it all she sees is the blank sheet.
“Um, I think it's broken.”
“Give it a minute to develop,” Leah says, already taking pictures of the rest of the crew.
When Abby looks down again, a picture is starting to come into focus. Abby is a little off center but that is not what catches her eye. Ellie is behind her holding up a peace sign and closing one eye in a wink.
Abby lets out a small laugh showing Ellie the picture.
“Cool huh,” She says quietly just for Abby to hear, “I used to have one too, but it broke.”
Abby nods as she watches Ellie take a drag of the joint.
“So what do you guys normally do for the holiday?” Ellie asks louder to the group as she passes the joint to Abby.
After taking a quick drag herself and passing it along Abby answers, “This is pretty much it.”
Ellie hums nodding, “Sounds pretty lame, this place isn’t even decorated. Come on Owen, no lights or garland? Not even stockings. And you call this a Christmas party.”
“Oh come on.” Owen interjects taking the joint for Manny, “I barely just got this place semi-livable. You do not want to see what it looked like before.”
“Oh yeah? But is that mistletoe I see?” Manny says, wiggling his eyebrows nugging Owen with his elbow. “You had enough time to find that didn’t you?”
“Shut up.” Owen says trying to hit Manny, but Manny runs away from him with Owen chasing after.
“If I am going to have to listen to that all night I’m going to need a stronger drink than this beer,” Ellie says, turning to Abby, “You think Owen’s hooch will kill me?”
“Most definitely.”
“Perfect!”
Abby laughs as she watches Ellie go, smiling softly at her retreating figure.
“What are you doing Abby?” Abby had almost forgotten Mel was still there until she talked.
Leah, Nick and Jordan had wandered off already after taking pictures and Abby could see that they had found some cards and were starting some kind of drinking card game in the corner.
“I don’t know what you're talking about Mel.” Abby could not bring herself to look her in the eyes, choosing to follow Ellie’s movements instead.
Mel sighs, whispering, “Just don’t be a piece of shit,” as she walks to Leah, Nick, and Jordan to join their game.
Manny, Owen, and Ellie stand by Owen’s odd contraption just talking and laughing.
Abby can’t make out what is being said by them, but she can guess Owen is trying to explain how he makes his alcohol and she has never felt so alone before. When she was dating Owen she never had to think about where she should stand or who she should talk to. It was always just Owen. He was always nice to talk to and if she didn’t feel like talking, she could still just listen to whoever was around them and she never had to think about what she should be doing. It was… nice.
It was safe.
Abby misses that feeling.
Taking her drink, Abby wanders around the rest of the aquarium alone, wondering if anyone even noticed she left.
She doesn’t know how long she has been staring out into the waters in the fully window encased hallway, but at some point she hears a door open and her name being called.
“Hey, I was wondering where you went off to.” Ellie slightly slurs as she comes up to Abby with a drink in hand.
“Woh, Carefully.” Abby says, finding her arms around Ellie’s waist as she stumbles into her. Ellie makes no effort to move, placing her head on Abby’s shoulder sighing. “How much have you had to drink?”
“I’m fine Abby, relax. It’s Christmas.” Ellie pulls away and Abby wishes she could learn how to shut up so that Ellie would not have felt the need to move from her arms. “This place is great though. Last time I was here Owen pushed me out so fast that I could barely see anything.”
Ellie starts walking down the glass hallway.
“Oh shit check this out,” she yells before ducking into a room.
When Abby gets to her she is crawling into what appears to be an attraction geared towards children. It’s this little archway leading to a small dome where Abby can see the slightly distorted figure of Ellie's face looking at her though the waters.
“Come in here there’s a bunch of jellyfish facts. Did you know that Jellyfish have no brains and are 98% water?”
“Hum. I always knew Manny had more in common with Jellyfish than people. And I will not be cramming my ass in there with you. Thank you very much.” Abby says, lending against the archway.
“Oh come on, you'll fit fine.”
“If you don’t remember, in your intoxicated state, I am a bit bigger than you are.” But Abby caves embarrassingly easily with just a simple look from Ellie and crawls in with her, “So if you breathe one word of complaint, I’ll kill you.”
“You can’t kill people on Christmas.”
“Oh is that so? Then by that logic Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie is it?”
Ellie narrows her eyes as she lays down looking up into the dome, “Just don’t tell Manny that.”
Abby breathes out a soft laugh and settles down next to Ellie looking up at the distorted waters above them.
“Man, this kind of reminds me of my 16th birthday. My… Well he definitely wasn’t my dad, but then again he kinda was. Or I guess he was the next best thing really. Whatever that is. Anyways he took me out to this cool museum a few days away from the settlement we were in. There were these dinosaur skeletons everywhere and when we went up stairs… Space .” Ellie punctuates the word with a grand arm movement that knocks into Abby, but she does mind. “We went into this model of the first spacecraft that landed on the moon and he got this recording of the take off. Best birthday ever.”
“He sounds like a pretty good guy.”
Ellie breathes out a soft laugh, “Nuh, He’s an asshole.”
“But you still love him.”
“Yeah,” Ellie whispers, “Unfortunately,”
“Did he…” Abby doesn’t know how to ask this without Ellie maybe shutting down on her “pass?”
Ellie’s smile fades. Abby wishes that she could take back what she said to make her sad.
“He’s fine. Or at least he was when I left. He lied to me multiple times to my face about something that was really important to me and I just couldn’t live near someone like that.”
“But you miss him? Don’t you?”
Ellie nods her head, “Yeah. Sometimes I forget why I’m mad at him, and then get more mad at myself for forgetting, but most of the time I’m just confused about why he did it. The longer I’m away from him the more questions I have.”
“I’m sure he had his reasons for doing whatever he did.”
Ellie tips her head to rest on Abby’s shoulder “Yeah, but he still shouldn’t have done it. I just wish I knew why he did.”
Abby wraps her arm around Ellie’s shoulder, pulling her in closer. She waits until Ellie’s breathing evens out before placing a light kiss on her temple that she hopes Ellie either doesn’t feel or doesn’t ask about in the morning.
Notes:
Thank you for reading!!
I hope you liked it.
Comment and Kudos are always appreciated and feedback is always welcome.
Preview to next chapter:
What is really going on with Nora and Ellie? I know we just had two chapter from Abby's POV, but we will be switching over to Ellie's POV for most of the next chapter.
Chapter 18: Chapter 18
Summary:
Wow, I was not expecting all the love that you all sent the last chapter. Truly thank you so much for reading and enjoying this story as much as you do.
Not going to lie I was really excited for everyone to read the last chapter too, so I am very happy that you all seem to have liked it as such a I do.
Anyways I am uploading this next chapter a little bit early so I hope you all enjoy.
Actual summary of this chapter:
As soon as I put Nora and Ellie together I was thinking about how they were going to break up so here that is.This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Ellie’s head hurts.
That is the first thing she can register.
The next is morning sunlight filtering through the top of the tank, the light hitting her eyes directly.
The last thing that clicks into place for her as she slowly wakes up is the feeling of a heavy arm draped across her waist.
Ellie finally blinks open her eyes to see the peacefully sleeping face of Abby, not her girlfriend Nora.
Trying to think back on the night before, panic courses through her body as she tries to recall how they both ended up here. The last thing she remembers clearly is joking around with Manny about Owen about home-brewed alcohol.
Quick flashes of Abby leaving the main room come to mind and Ellie remembers being caught by strong arms in the glass hallway as she stumbles, but that is where her memories of the night start to fail her. She remembers feeling happy, then sad, then finally content and warm. She doesn’t know how they both ended up sleeping in this tiny ass jellyfish viewing dome, but most importantly, Ellie doesn’t remember how they got so tangled up together.
Ellie finds herself truly encompassed by not only Abby’s arms, but her whole body as well. One arm rests under Ellie’s head, creating a pillow for her to sleep on, while the other arm is firmly hugging Ellie close to her. Ellie’s own arms somehow found themselves also wrapped around Abby in the night with one of them tucked under her top arm and the other resting in the small warm space between their chests. Her head had been tucked under Abby’s chin before she started to wake up and both of their legs are scissored together.
What must they look like from the outside with only their feet peeking out of the cubie? The thought is brief as Ellie lays there wrapped in the warmth of Abby’s arms for a long moment.
Ellie is no stranger to cuddling like this, but in all the nights that Ellie has spent with Nora in the Stadium she has never felt so safe and comforted before. Usually Ellie is the one waking up with a tingly arm that’s being used as a pillow through the night. It had never bothered Ellie before, but she can now see the appeal of being the one wrapped up in the protection of another person.
It was nice. Soothing in a way she didn’t know she needed.
Ellie thinks back to the one other time she shared a bed with Abby. That night all those months ago by the Wall when Abby had that nightmare. They had cuddled then too, but it was nothing like this.
She never did ask what the nightmare had been about, but she knew it must have been something bad, maybe something to do with her dad. Did he get infected? Did she have to shoot him like Henry had to with Sam? She couldn’t ask what she dreamt about. If it was something like that then Abby is even stronger than Ellie already thinks she is.
She doesn’t know how long she stayed still, visually tracing Abby’s soft face, but eventually the thought of her waking up to see Ellie just staring at her is enough for her to decide that she has to finally get up. The only problem is that Abby doesn’t look like she intends to let her go anytime soon.
Freeing her hand from under Abby’s arm, Ellie tryings to break free of her vice grip around her to no avail.
“Hey Abby, wake up.” Ellie whispers only for Abby’s arms to tighten around her as she mumbles something under her breath that Ellie can’t quite make out.
“No, that is the opposite of what we need to do.” Ellie pushes lightly not wanting to hurt her. “Wake up.”
Abby finally blinks one eye open slowly, then both of her eyes shoot wide open, freezing them both in place.
It is only when Ellie feels how much Abby’s body tenses around her that she realizes just how relaxed Abby had been in her sleep. Ellie wishes that she could have just let her wake up naturally, but there was no way to get out of her arms without waking her.
Ellie’s name is suddenly called followed by Abby’s from somewhere in the hallway. It sounds far away, but it is enough to snap them both out of their frozen staring contest and allows them to start untangling themselves from each other's limbs. Ellie sees Abby try to stealthily shake out the arm that Ellie had her head resting on.
“Sorry about falling asleep on you,” Ellie says when they have both crawled out of the jellyfish viewing tank.
Abby waves her off, still messaging her arm to wake it back up.
“I should probably go see what they need. Don’t want people to worry.” Ellie is a few steps away when she turns back, “Um…” Abby looks up at her, “I don’t really remember how we got here. I think Owen’s hooch did a little bit of a number on me, but---”
“We just talked,” Abby interrupts her, “Mostly about your 16th birthday and the museum you went to.”
“Oh…” Ellie nods, a small smile gracing her lip, “that was probably the best birthday I’ve ever had. Full of dinosaurs and space, my two favorite things as a kid. Does that mean I told you that I wanted to be an astronaut? Still do if the world ever stops being a fungus filled hellscape.”
Abby smiles softly, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes, “No, but I can see it… If I squint my eyes really hard.”
“Oh shut up.” At another call of Ellie’s name she jumps, forgetting for a moment that there are other people in the aquarium, namely her girlfriend, “Fuck gotta run.”
Ellie isn’t really paying attention when she rounds the corner of the archway to the exhibit and runs full force into a body.
“Shit are you okay?” Ellie says as she grabs Mel’s arms to keep her from falling. Silently thankful that Nora was not the one looking for her.
“Woh, there you are. Where have you been?”
Ellie lets out a soft laugh, “Man, I don’t know how much I drank last night, but it must have been a lot. I think I wandered out here and crashed in this exhibit to sleep it off.”
Mel raises her eyebrow, “You don’t remember?” Ellie shakes her head as Mel tries to look around her into the exhibit space behind her, “Hum, Nora asked where you went.”
Ellie throws an arm around Mel’s shoulder in a way that she hopes seems nonchalant, even though Ellie has never once thrown an arm around Mel like this before.
“I was just coming to look for her’” Ellie says as she tries to lead Mel away from the exhibit and towards the main room, “Why didn’t she come with you?”
Mel just shrugs her shoulders as Ellie practically drags her away from the jellyfish exhibit. A part of Ellie doesn’t know why she doesn’t want Mel to see that Abby had been with her all night. Even though Abby herself said that nothing happened, it still felt like something had and whatever that something was felt like it should be kept just between them.
When the two of them emerge from the depths of the aquarium, the only ones up in the main room at this time are Nora, Leah, and Mel. Leah is fiddling with some contraption and the smell of coffee fills the air.
A pang of remorse shoots through Ellie at the smell and an image of Joel at the kitchen table lifting his mug up to his mouth invades her mind. The image is gone as soon as it appears, but it was enough to make her think about what he must be doing right now.
It’s Christmas so he must be with Maria and Tommy. Does he still hang the stocking she made him their first holiday together in Jackson? Or has he burned it along with every other memory of her? If she ever does end up back in Jackson would she still have a home there? Or maybe he made it into a proper workshop for his carvings.
Taking another deep breath of the earthy smell she can’t help but think of how he must feel waking up in the mornings knowing she is no longer there. She has smelt coffee at the Stadium before and the smell always made her think of Joel in some small way, but it never quite hit her as hard as it did today.
It must be because this is her first holiday away. The smell, a reminder of what she left behind.
Leah turns to her, catching her staring and asks if she wants a cup. Her head nods before the words even fully register in her mind. She never drinks coffee, it tastes like dirt water, but the warmth from the cup does feel nice in her hands and it would be rude to hand it back. Right?
Maybe all these thoughts are just being stirred up because of the reminder of her 16th birthday and simpler times. But she has to admit to herself that it is nice having something of Joel’s during Christmas, even if it wasn’t really his.
Throughout her whole exchange with Leah, Nora barely acknowledges Ellie.
The only time Nora looks up from her own coffee is when the door upstairs opens and Abby steps through. Ellie doesn’t know why Abby had gone out her way to make it look like she was in a different part of the aquarium, but she is thankful that she did.
Even though, if anyone had been here before they would probably know that the two floors are connected anyways.
Mel shares a look with Nora before hardening her eyes at Abby. Maybe more people know the layout of the aquarium than Ellie thought.
“Morning Abby , Sleep well?” Mel asks with an odd inflection as Abby comes closer.
“Yeah, it was uneventful. ” Abby raises an eyebrow at Mel in a challenge.
“Sure, whatever,” Mel mutters walking away from the group, her own cup of coffee in hand.
Confused, Ellie turns to Nora, who has still not greeted Ellie. “Hey Nor how’d you sleep?”
“Like shit,” She says shortly before turning to follow Mel.
Leah looks between all of them as she sips her coffee, “Well this is super awkward, what did you do?”
“I have no idea.” Ellie answers, turning to Abby who shrugs, shaking her head.
_____
Abby watches Ellie follow Nora and Mel back into the smaller room where the group watched Die Hard yesterday. Her eyes tracking Ellie until she disappears behind the closed door.
Does she truly not remember anything from last night? Or is that just a smokescreen to just never have to talk about it? Abby can’t decide which option is better and she doesn’t know where that leaves her. All she does know is that she has never had a better night's sleep than when she had Ellie tucked under her arms.
The door opens again, but the only person who comes out is Owen. He doesn’t look half bad considering how much they all must have drank last night.
“Hey Abby,” he says when he comes closer to her, passing Leah as she goes to sit next to Jordan’s still sleeping form, “How’d you sleep?”
“Fine, you?” God when did it get so awkward to talk to him alone? Abby thinks, making her own cup of coffee in his shity french press contraption.
“Do you want to talk about that thing we said we’d talk about at Christmas?”
She pauses as she brings the cup to her lips. “Oh, yeah… you want to do that here? With them?”
“Well we can probably wait until they all leave, but yeah I think it would be good for us. You know, clear the air and all that.”
Abby nods and brings her cup to her mouth once again and takes a sip of the warm liquid. Jordan, Manny, and Nick start to wake up, each of them coming to grab some coffee as they do.
No matter what conversation she finds herself in she keeps an eye on that door as well, wondering what was being talked about on the other side. Until eventually the door does open again and Ellie comes out with her bag on her shoulder and Nora’s bag in her hand. The rest of the group don’t stay long after that and before Abby knows it, she finds herself sitting on Owen’s couch again with a different warm mug in her hands.
“So…” Owen starts, “How did you like our break?”
“How do you feel about me?” Abby asks, rubbing the side of her mug.
“What do you mean?”
“Did us being apart like this make you feel anything?”
Owen takes a deep breath, leaning back into the cushion of his couch. “To be honest it felt the same as if we were still dating.”
“Yeah I felt the same way.” Abby looks down at her hands, “I um, actually forgot we agreed to talk about us again during Christmas until you asked about it.
Owen laughs, "What were we doing Abs.”
“I have absolutely no idea.” They laugh together for a moment until Abby sombers up and looks over to him. “So this is really it then? The end?”
“I’ll always be here for you Abs, you know that right?” Owen takes her hand in his. “Us not being together like that anymore doesn’t change the fact that I’ll always love you.”
Owen brings her in for a hug before continuing, “You know that you don't always have to be the strong one right? It's okay to let someone else take care of you.”
At his words it is like a dam opens up inside of Abby and she can’t stop the words from leaving her mouth. “I think I’m in love with someone I shouldn’t be.”
It is somehow easier to confess this without seeing anyone's face, but Abby still hates the feeling of being so weak in front of someone, even Owen.
“Why do you think you shouldn't be in love with them?”
“So many reasons. I’m a shit person Owen.”
“No you aren’t. You’re just human like the rest of us.” He smooths down her hair, “It’s Ellie isn’t it?” He whispers and Abby feels her breath hitch, “You’re not as subtle as you think you are Abs. Though I don’t think Ellie has figured it out yet so maybe you are. Then again Ellie can be a bit of an idiot at times.”
Abby laughs, pulling away from the hug, “How’d you know. I didn’t even kn—-”
“Ah well there were a lot of little ways I guess,” Owen interrupts her, “But mainly I just knew I wasn’t really what you wanted or needed anymore. For what it’s worth I think she likes you too, but only time will tell if her whole thing with Nora will work out or not.” Abby nods at his statement, “You’re welcome to stay here if you need some time away from everyone. No one should need you at the Stadium yet.”
_____
Nora has been quiet ever since leaving the Aquarium. Since before leaving the Aquarium actually. Packing had been an awkward affair and Ellie was still feeling a little raw from thinking of Joel, so they worked in silence until they were ready to leave the room.
She thought that Nora would open up on the way home and tell her whatever was on her mind. But now that they are back at the Stadium and Ellie is following Nora to her room, she can feel the pit in her stomach grow wider.
“Are you not feeling well?” Ellie asks as she sets Nora’s bag down by her bed.
Mel had said something about checking in on Alice when they first arrived at the Stadium since she was not able to bring her to the Aquarium with them. It’s a weak excuse, but it does give them some alone time so Ellie is not complaining.
“I just have a lot on my mind right now and I want to be alone… for now.”
“Oh okay. Yeah get some rest. We can talk later?” Ellie asks as Nora nods, crawling into her bed.
She really does look exhausted and one day can’t really hurt. It’s not like they usually spend copious amounts of time together or anything so it will be nothing new.
Ellie spends the rest of her day reading, drawing, or writing. George had given her a guitar that she would strum a few cords on every now and again, but never a full song. She can’t bring herself to even pick the instrument up or really look at it too long for fear of Joel’s face coming to mind like a ghost haunting her.
She wonders where Abby is. If she’s okay.
When they left the Aquarium she said that she would be following shortly, but she should be back by now if she is coming at all, general lights out were called not too long ago.
Maybe she decided to get back together with Owen and she’s still at the Aquarium with him now? That would be good for her right? Ellie tries to tell herself that she would be happy for Abby if they are back together because she should be. Friends are usually happy when their friends find someone they love, right?
Right.
So why does Ellie feel the need to pretend to be fast asleep when Abby comes into the room late at night? It would be fine if she was awake and then they could talk and it would not be awkward or weird and Abby could tell her that she and Owen are back together again and Ellie can say how happy she is for them.
But instead Ellie fakes being asleep when Abby opens the door and wakes up early the next day. Ellie has been on the receiving end of this treatment enough times to know how long it can go on before she needs to pull herself together, but for a day she can try and compose herself and also figure out why Nora is mad at her this time.
* * *
Nora is back to normal the next day, so maybe it really was just a shit night's sleep. Though they are still not able to find that much time to be alone together with people still being out sick and Nora working doubles, but she is at least talking to her again. Maybe Ellie will work up the courage to ask her what had happened to make her so upset. Though that would open the door for Nora to start asking her questions she doesn’t want to answer so she might just leave it alone. Like she has been doing for months now.
Ellie is able to pull herself together around Abby as well after a few days. It helps that she and Owen have never really been the PDA type of people, so seeing them sit a bit closer together and share small secret looks again is not that bad. Not that her friend getting back together with her Ex is a bad thing or anything just… It is getting harder for Ellie to come up with lies to tell herself about her feelings for her very uninterested in her friend. Also lies to tell herself about why she should care when she is in a very happy relationship of her own.
Except Nora is pulling away again and Ellie knows what will next.
She hates the cycle their relationship has fallen into . They would go weeks with everything being great. Ellie would sneak into Nora’s room whenever Mel is out on assignment or they would make time to hang out everyday, but then inevitably, things would shift.
Nora would be ‘called away’ suddenly for a few days, something that Ellie stopped believing was the full truth long ago, and the times they would be able to see each other would ebb and flow like a river. Some weeks it would be a trickle and others a waterfall. Ellie never really knew which she was going to get in the day, but she still stood there with her hands out ready to catch anything that was given.
Ellie got better at predicting when the river would run dry.
Nora would start to pull away or take extra assignments or their assignments would be opposite. Then Nora would come to her with a pun to soften the blow and they’ll talk about how busy each of them are and they won’t break up, but at the same time they kind of will.
They have been doing this for a while now. This game of breakup chicken, where neither one of them fully says that they are broken up, but they will kind of act like it for some time until Nora mentions that Mel will be out of the Stadium and Ellie will go to her. A part of Ellie wonders what would happen if she stops going when she’s called. She usually wonders this at Nora’s door right before knocking and going in.
She is not a complete saint herself. There have been times where she has rearranged her assignment schedule to avoid Nora too. Either out of some form of payback to make her feel the same way that Ellie has felt or simply because Ellie didn’t feel like lying to Nora again, she doesn’t really know. All she does know is that all the small lies and half truths that Ellie tells her to protect Jackson or Joel or herself weigh heavier on her shoulders as the months progress.
It seems so easy for Nora to be so open about her past and talk about the people that she has lost. About how her dad got infected when they were clearing the Salt Lake City Hospital. About how his last words to her were that he would always be proud of the women she is and who she is becoming. And all Ellie can share is her stupid puns.
She can’t tell Nora about her scar no matter how many times she asks.
She can’t talk about Riley’s death because she told everyone that she doesn’t know where she is.
She can’t talk about Henry and Sam because then she just won’t sleep for days.
She can’t tell her about traveling from Boston to Jackson. She can’t talk about stitching Joel back up in the Colorado winter because, well it’s Joel and that time always makes her think of…him… and the cannibals and again she just won’t sleep.
She can’t even talk about Dina, or Jesse, or Maria, or Cat, or Tommy. All she has is herself and who she is now and somehow that doesn’t seem to be enough for Nora.
Ellie would sometimes wake up to Nora tracing the rough edges of her scar with her finger tips in the quiet of the morning light. A sweet sight to wake up to until it turns sour and she would ask her again what had happened. It’s like s he can see the bite mark under the ink and through the charred skin.
So Ellie took to switching assignments whenever she saw that she and Abby had been paired with someone else. Sometimes she would even pick up an extra assignment when she saw Abby’s name up on the board.
She always likes being paired with Abby over anyone else, though Owen and Manny are also good partners when she needs some time away from the Stadium. But if given the option Ellie would choose Abby every time.
Abby just has this way of taking Ellie’s mind off everything else and she never asks her any hard questions. She just lets her be when she needs to be alone in her head for a bit and when Ellie is finally ready to talk she puts down whatever she was doing and listens.
It never feels like Abby is waiting for Ellie to reveal her dark secrets like it does sometimes when she talks with Nora. It’s just a simple reassurance that she is there and listening and Ellie likes to think that she does the same for her. They had long ago perfected the art of being alone together, but they also just always have a good time when they are near each other. Whether they are on a scouting mission or a watch assignment they just always seem to be in sync.
How much of that will change now that she is back together with Owen?
Would she even tell Ellie that they were back together?
They never really talk about their relationships and Abby never asks about Nora, except for those few times toward the start of her relationship. So Ellie can’t ask about Owen without it being a little weird. Right?
A small part of Ellie wants to keep that door in their friendship closed. She doesn't want Abby to start asking about Nora. She doesn’t want to admit that everything she touches turns sour somehow. She doesn’t want to voice her fears of ending up alone or how every relationship she enters--- be that romantic, platonic, or familial--- she somehow fucks it up. Riley, Sam, Joel, and now Nora. How much longer before Abby kicks her out? When will Manny stop asking her to be his wing woman, not that she ever really takes him up on it.
If there is no reason for the rest of them to talk to her, will they?
It is a month and a half after Christmas when Ellie can no longer lie to herself about anything any more. She has to find some way of ending this horrible cycle she has found herself in with Nora.
Whatever that might mean.
Ellie can tell the semi-break up talk is coming based on how Nora holds herself when she finds her sitting on the lumpy couch in the Library.
“Hey Ellie,” Nora says, “What do you have there?”
“Just a Christmas gift,” Ellie says, flipping the cover closed to reveal that she is reading Hamlet (No Fear Shakespeare Graphic Novels) (Volume 1). If Nora is following her usual formula then any second she will slip in a pun to lighten the mood.
“Abby’s?” Nora asks, taking a seat next to her at the end of the couch. At Ellie’s nod she continues. “You know I started reading a book about anti-gravity,---”
“It was impossible to put down,” Ellie interrupts her.
“Yeah… I guess you heard that one before?” Nora takes a deep breath.
“What are you doing?” Ellie interrupts her again, something she doesn’t do during this type of conversation. Usually Ellie sits back and follows whatever Nora wants, so if she needs time she gets time. Nora had been so understanding about everything with Ellie in the beginning. She isn’t really sure how they got to where they are now or what really changed.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean,” Ellie finds herself pretending that the book's cover is really interesting, “I know what this conversion is Nor, I’m not an idiot. I think we’ve both been pulling apart from each other for sometime now and I don’t want to lose you as a friend over something as stupid as this.
“You’re calling our relationship stupid?”
“No!” Ellie sighs, looking at her again. “I mean I feel like for months we’ve just been cycling through periods where we are good, great even and then you disappear without a trace and I’m just supposed to be okay with that? Would you be okay if I just stopped talking to you all of the sudden and you had to find out from Abby or someone else that I went on assignments without telling you where I was going or when I’m getting back?”
Nora’s eyes darken, “I disappear? That’s rich coming from you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? I always tell you when I have assignments.”
Nora shakes her head looking down, “You don’t have to go anywhere to disappear,” She whispers. Looking back up she says, “You know I woke up and looked for you that night.”
Ellie feels her heart kick up a beat, but hopes her fear doesn’t sound in her voice when she asks, “What night?”
“Christmas, at the aquarium. I looked for you and I saw you,” Nora says sadly, “I saw you leave the main area. At first I thought you were looking for the bathroom so I didn’t follow you, but when you never came back I went to look for you… I saw you with Abby all tangled up just your feet showing. I know you like her.”
Ellie shakes her head, this can’t be happening right now. “Of course I like her, she's like my best friend.”
“Best friend,” Nora lets out a huff of a laugh, “Right. And do you know how that feels? To know that you will always come second in your own relationship, under a best friend . You don’t even realize that you seek her out do you? The way you're always looking at her or for her. The way you always just know where she is all the goddamn time.”
Ellie opens her mouth as if to say something but Nora continues, “It’s not just Christmas either. I’m not the one you look for when you have good news to share or the one you want to hold your hand when you’re in pain. Abby is---”
“You’re never here!” Ellie interrupts loudly, “Nora, this isn’t about Abby and even if it was it doesn’t matter, she’s back with Owen. This is about us. You and me. I don’t want to walk on eggshells wondering when you’ll decide you need space. And everytime you come to me with a pun, I start to hate them more and more because I know what’s coming next. Do you know how that feels? To know that your relationship will be put on pause at a drop of a fucking hat and you’re just expected to take it. You want to know why I look for Abby in those situations? It’s because I never know which Nora I’ll get. Will I get the loving girlfriend or the too busy for me one?”
Nora pauses stunned, “I didn’t realize that you were feeling that way.”
“I can’t do it anymore Nor,” Ellie looks down at her book again, “I don’t want to grow to resent you and I feel that coming. I don’t want to lose you as a friend. So if you came here to tell me some roundabout bullshit about how you're getting busy and we need to take some time apart, please just say exactly what you want to say to me. You don’t need to make up excuses to not see me, or pick up extra assignments. Just tell me what you want to tell me.”
Nora is silent for a moment, “You want to talk about it? Fine... You claim it’s not about Abby, but it’s always been about Abby. You think I don’t see how you are around her when you think no one is paying attention. You think I don’t see how you look at her? I know those looks… because I used to look at her the same way. You don’t look at me like that.” Nora pauses and takes a deep breath before continuing. “I don’t think you ever did.” She pauses to look Ellie in the eye before continuing. “Tell me. If I never kissed you that day at the hospital would you have even looked in my direction?”
Ellie doesn’t know what to say to that. She must have been quiet for too long because before she can answer Nora sighs, “That’s what I was afraid of. I guess that’s it then, isn’t it?”
Ellie still can’t find the words to stop this from happening. She knew it was a possibility, but she never thought that it would actually end like this.
Nora tightens her lips as she stands to walk to the door of the Library, but before making it to the door she stops and turns back around, “Can I ask you one thing?”
Ellie barely registers the movement of her nod.
“If Abby isn’t with Owen. What would you do?”
Ellie stares at her for a moment confused, “Nothing. Abby doesn’t like me like that.”
Nora lets out a small sad laugh shaking her head, “Of course, so that’s the only thing stopping you from being with her than?”
Ellie can feel a headache coming on, “I don’t understand what you're trying to say, Nora.”
Nora shakes her head, turning back around to the door, muttering, “Nothing, Just do me a favor and try to at least wait a month before getting together.”
Ellie isn’t sure she was supposed to hear all of that so she doesn’t say anything as Nora leaves. Ellie gives Nora five minutes before she too gets up from the couch and heads to her room.
Nora had been Ellie’s first in many ways, so she guesses it’s only fair that she is her first break up as well. All things considered it could have gone worse. It helps that they had already been halfway broken up before this conversation even started, but that doesn’t mean that Ellie is any less confused by what Nora said about her relationship with Abby.
Yeah Ellie found Abby attractive, but she knows Nora also finds her attractive. It was no different then just admiring beauty when and where she saw it. Ellie is sure she looks at Nora the same way, so she doesn’t know what Nora meant when she said what she did about how Ellie looks at Abby.
Ellie doesn’t realize small tears are rolling down her face until she walks into her room and sees Abby over on her bed with her book out.
She looks up at her when she enters and immediately puts her book down and sits up.
“Umm, I really hate to be the one to tell you this, but you look like shit.”
“Sorry Abs. I’m just having a real fucking bad day.”
Abby moves over, patting the space next to her at the head of the bed for her to sit.
Ellie walks down the stairs and crawls into the space indicated, tucking her feet under herself and leaning her back against Abby’s pillows.
“Nora and I broke up, ” She whispers, pulling a pillow to her chest.
Abby’s eyes widened. She scooches in between her and the wall, putting an arm around her shoulder and pulling her in close. Ellie comes easily, relaxing into the warmth of Abby’s strong arms.
“I give you guys two weeks,” Abby says, rubbing a soothing hand up and down her arm.
Ellie knows it’s not true. Even if Nora doesn’t come back and they are able to apologize to each other, Ellie knows that they will never be able to be together like they once were.
Notes:
Thank you for reading!!!
Wow that was probably the longest chapter I have made so far.I think it was just shy of 6,000 words and it feels like a record for me.
As I said in the chapter summary as soon as I put Nora and Ellie together I knew I had to break them up some how. I just didn’t know how I wanted to do it. I know we got glimpses through Abby, but she only sees so much (if she wants to look at all).
I really went back and forward about how I wanted their break up to go, but I knew I didn’t want Ellie to be completely blame free, but at the same time they are both still just teenagers making bad decisions and not knowing how to communicate their feelings to each other.
Anyways I hope you liked it.
Comments and Kudos are always appreciated and feedback is always welcome.
Preview to next chapter:
Isaac calls everyone to the FOB unexpectedly. (I promise Abby and Ellie are almost together Isaac just has to be a bit of a cock blocker right now. )
Chapter 19: Chapter 19
Summary:
Ellie deals with the aftermath of her break up in true Ellie fashion. AKA avoiding it at all cost. (Plus some mutual pinning and ellabs collectively sharing one braincell.)
Isaac calls everyone to the FOB unexpectedly.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Two weeks.
Abby said that she would give Nora and Ellie two weeks to get back together.
Well that wasn’t exactly how she worded it to Ellie, but she doesn’t really need to know that that is what Abby meant when she said it. So for the next two weeks, Abby tries really hard not to act any differently than she would have acted, if Nora and Ellie were just on one of their many breaks.
But the two weeks come and go bye fast and Abby doesn’t think Ellie and Nora have even spoken two words to each other. In fact, Abby is certain that Ellie is doing everything in her power to avoid even seeing Nora.
She has taken to sitting with Whitney during dining hours or straight up changing her training schedule to avoid any possibility of running into Nora at all. Which is fine if it didn’t also mean that she was avoiding the rest of the group and Abby by extension.
Sure Abby can still easily find her if she is in the Stadium. They still workout together in the gym most days, read or play chess in the library side by side, and have been paired up on short assignments since the break up, so that hasn’t changed much. But, it has gotten to the point where Abby only really sees Ellie in their room at night, that is if she doesn’t specifically go out of her way to find Ellie in the day.
Nora on the other hand doesn’t seem that affected by the whole thing. It’s not that Nora is acting like she never dated Ellie in the first place, but she also changes the subject anytime Ellie is brought up. Something that Nora has never done before with any of her past girlfriends, though now that Abby is thinking about it, she does remember a few boyfriends that Nora would change the subject on if they were brought up, just like she is doing with mentions of Ellie now.
Ellie hadn’t told Abby how or why they broke up and Abby finds herself not really wanting to know, but that doesn’t stop her from thinking that if they were going to get back together they would probably at least be talking again by now.
Right?
So where does that leave Abby?
How long does it take to heal from a past relationship like this? Is two weeks even enough time?
Abby doesn’t really have the best gauge for this type of thing. She had only really dated one person and their breakup looked a lot different then this one. Abby and Owen still talk all the time, like nothing happened between them at all, like they had never even dated in the first place.
So Abby finds herself turning to the one person that she never thought she would ever go to for any kind of advice at all, let alone advice about a girl or relationships.
She finds herself turning to Manny.
In fact, she specifically requests a short assignment with Manny to make sure that they will be able to talk in relative privacy as they patrol around the Stadium. That is, if Abby can swallow her embarrassment and ask him what she wants to ask.
For his part, Manny has been going on and on about one of the kitchen staff and doesn’t seem to notice that Abby has anything unusual on her mind.
“You really think it’s a good idea to mess around with someone who literally controls your food?” Abby asks after about ten minutes of hearing him talk about his latest exploits.
Manny shrugs, “She gives me extra fries on burger days.”
Abby can only hold her straight face for a second after Manny looks at her before they both burst out laughing.
Abby shakes her head, “It will alway astound me how you still manage to get women with the way you act at times.”
“What can I say?” Manny opens his arms out wide, “The women love me.”
“I’m sure they do,” They lapse into a comfortable silence before Abby finally swallows her pride and asks, “Hey Manny? When do you decide to pursue a girl?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like if there is a girl you like and you know they just got out of a relationship. How long would you wait until you like, make a move or whatever?”
“Hm.” Manny stops walking to think. Abby waits with bated breath hoping that she doesn’t look as interested as she is on what he will say, “So if they broke up in the morning, probably by lunch time we would be in a closet.”
Abby punches Manny’s laughing form before continuing to walk on. “You’re no fucking help,” she mutters hoping he didn’t hear her.
“Why Abs?” Manny jogs to catch up with her. “Is there a girl you want help making a move on?”
Abby whips her head around to look at him with wide eyes.
“There is, isn’t there? You know I kinda figured, but I didn’t want to assume anything. Especially when you were with Owen,” He says, wiggling his eyebrows at her. “Come on, tell me who she is.”
“I don’t know what you are talking about. There isn’t anyone,” She says looking back out into the woods around the Stadium as nonchalantly as she can. “I was just curious, that's all.”
“Sure,” Manny says slowly, dragging out the word as long as he can. Abby can feel the eye roll in his voice, “Fine. To be honest it all really depends. It depends on the person, depends on how long they were in their previous relationship, depends on what you want out of the relationship, what they want out of a relationship with you? Things like that. So there’s not really a good answer that I can give you. For me, I don’t wait that long because the things I want from someone getting out of a relationship isn’t going to last that long and they know that and want the same. So it doesn’t matter how long or short I wait to make my interest known. For you that might be different though.”
Abby is silent for a moment, “That was oddly insightful of you.”
“Erm,” Manny shrugs, “I have my moments. Now tell me who it is.”
“And the moments passed,” Abby says, shaking her head at him.
“Is it Brittany?”
“No,” Abby says, speeding up only for Manny to keep following her.
“Ashley?”
“No.”
“Whitney?” Manny’s voice raises with his eyebrows, “She’s a little young, but she’s cute I guess..”
“It’s not Whitney.”
“But it is a girl right? Does her name end with a Y?”
“I am not having this conversation with you.”
“Why not? You started it and we still have an hour left on shift. Come on, I'm bored and I can totally be your wingman if I know who they are,” Manny crosses his arms, “Man I wish Ellie was here, she would gossip with me. Oh maybe Ellie can be a better wingman for you than she is for me.”
You have no idea. Abby thinks as Manny continues to guess who Abby is interested in.
* * *
When Abby is finally able to get away from Manny and his obsessive questioning, she is ready to find Ellie and just relax on her bed.
Winter is still in full force and while the giant floor to ceiling windows provide a great view they don’t do much for conserving warmth. Abby had set up a curtain hanging from the top bunk to the floor to help keep the heat in while she sleeps, something that she does each winter when the cold becomes too much for her to bear. Ellie’s bed sits closer to the radiator and away from the windows so she has been fine with her bed as it is.
Even with how annoying Manny is he did actually give her some things to think about on her walk to her room. Namely he made her wonder what kind of relationship, if any, Ellie could possibly want from her. It’s not right to assume that Ellie could want her the same way Abby wants Ellie. But there are moments where Abby could swear she might.
Some look in her eyes when they are together or a soft smile here and there when they are out on assignments or the touching that has grown more frequent within the last two weeks. They haven’t slept next to each other again since waking up in the Aquarium, but Ellie will sit on her bed drawing late into the night while Abby reads until she is nodding off. It is only then that Ellie will get up and return to her own bed to sleep.
That started about a week after Ellie told Abby about her break up.
It had started out as something said in jest. Ellie joking about how two bodies could warm up the small space faster than one. That is until Abby agreed, picking Ellie up and throwing her onto the bed and pulling the curtains closed. Abby hadn’t thought that far ahead and now that Ellie was under her she didn’t know where to go from there.
Abby could feel the soft rise and fall of Ellie's chest as she breathed. Ellie hadn’t moved a muscle once since Abby threw her down on the bed and got on top of her. She couldn’t bring herself to look into Ellie’s eyes as she slowly crawled forward rubbing their bodies together until she was able to grab her book off her side table and pull away, repositioning herself to sit at the foot of the bed.
That first night, Ellie just laid there where Abby threw her as Abby read for a few seconds before getting up and heading off to her own bed, but not before throwing a pillow at Abby’s face. The next night, when Abby came into the room, there Ellie sat, curled up at the end of Abby’s bed with her journal out and on her lap.
It wasn’t exactly what Abby wanted to do when she threw Ellie on her bed that night, but it became something that Abby found herself looking forward to at the end of a long day. Just the two of them, sitting at opposite ends of the bed, Ellie curled up most of the time with her journal balancing on her knees and Abby stretched out so that her feet would barely touch Ellie’s. It took some time before Ellie would stop moving away from Abby’s leg, but now she would also stretch out, letting her legs rest against Abby’s and sometimes overlapping them as well, no longer worried about taking up too much space. And each night Abby found herself trying to stay up just a little longer so that Ellie would spend just a little more time with her on her bed.
But, for as close as they have become in the safety of their own room, Ellie still found ways to avoid everyone else. And as two weeks become three, Abby is starting to wonder if Nora might have something more to do with that than just the general initial awkwardness of being around an Ex again after a break up.
Abby walks into her room to see Ellie right where she expects her to be, curled up at the foot of Abby’s bed, her journal out on her lap with soft music playing from the record player. She looks so cozy with her soft gray hoodie and socks on.
Taking a deep breath, Abby goes over to her.
“Hey,” she says, sitting down across from Ellie. She barely lifts her head up from her journal as she nods a hello before she going back to her work.
Abby never wants to bring Nora up in their room, but after another day of Ellie purposely dodging the group, Abby couldn’t just let it go on.
“Tell me what’s bothering you.”
“Nothing,” the pencil doesn’t stop making marks on the page, “I’m fine.”
Moving quickly Abby leans forward and takes the journal out of her hands.
“Hey,” Ellie makes a grab for the book. Following Abby back up to the head of the bed. Crawling between Abby’s spread legs in the process to get on top of her and as close as possible to the hand that holds her journal out of reach, “give that back.”
Trying not to think about Ellie’s body pressing against her own, Abby says, “Nope, not until you actually talk to me.”
Ellie pauses for a moment, looking at the suddenly nonexistent space between their bodies then back at Abby’s eyes. Slowly she crawls off Abby’s body and it is pure torture for her as Ellie’s body presses onto Abby’s more before she is able to fully sit back. Abby isn’t sure if she wants to think about the possibility of that not being unintentional, she doesn’t think she can handle that idea with her current line of questioning for Ellie.
When Ellie is back to her end of the bed she crosses her arms and glares at Abby’s reclined position. Abby swears Ellie’s face looks a bit redder than normal, but again pushes that thought down.
“Come on El. I’ve left you alone long enough,” Abby says softly, sitting up more comfortably. “Did Nora ask you to stop coming around?”
Ellie takes a deep breath, shaking her head, “No, I just wanted to give Nora space, that’s all. I don’t want her to feel like she can’t hang out with her friends.”
“So you decided to stop hanging out with your’s?”
“I have other friends you know.”
“Right Whitney and who else?”
Ellie doesn’t answer for a long moment. “I don’t want anyone to be in the position of having to pick sides or anything. She shouldn’t have to give up her friends just because we didn’t work out. That’s not fair to her.”
“But it’s fair to you? To give up your own?”
Ellie shrugs.
“What a load of absolute bullshit,” Abby says, “I knew you weren’t exactly the brightness bulb in the shed,”
“Hey,” Ellie tries to interrupt, but Abby talks over her.
“But I never thought you were a complete idiot. You think you can just stop coming around and no one will notice? News flash, whether you like it or not, for some godforsaken reason those people actually seem to like you. So no matter who you date you’ll always have one of us in your corner.”
“Awe you do care.”
Abby tosses her journal back to her, “Shut the fuck up. If I have to hear Manny complain about you not hanging out with us one more time, I’m going to drag you from wherever you happen to be to wherever we happen to be hanging out, even if that is all the way to the Aquarium.”
Ellie smiles, “Fine, Fine I’ll talk with Nora. I just don’t want it to be weird with the group or anything.”
Abby can’t say that she is happy about Ellie talking with Nora, but if it makes her more comfortable being around them all again she can’t really argue against it.
But Abby just can’t keep herself from asking, “Do you think you guys will ever get back together?”
Ellie looks down at her journal again, rubbing the spine with her index finger. “Why do you ask? We don’t really talk about our relationships like that.”
Abby kicks herself for her question as she feels Ellie start to close off. “Just curious.” She shrugs hoping that Ellie will not question her further about it.
Ellie looks Abby in the eye when she says, “No. I don’t think so.”
_______
Ellie knows what she promised Abby, but when the next day comes she just can’t work up the courage to actually go over there and sit with them again like nothing has happened.
Luckily for her she doesn’t have to. At least not just yet.
When Ellie enters the dining hall Matt, one of the assignment schedulers, finds her in line and tells her to grab something small and head to the garage ASAP. He doesn’t stay long or answer any of her questions as he marks her name off his list and asks her to tell Abby about the assignment change.
Ellie would much rather fight Scars and infected combined than face Nora and have to tell her that she was right, about everything. So Ellie takes Matt’s interruption as permission to delay that particular bit of discomfort.
Nora doesn’t need to know, any more than she already does, about Ellie’s obsession with Abby that just seems to gets worse now that she doesn't have anything to distract her from it. Hell, as far as Ellie is concerned, Abby doesn’t even need to know about her obsession with her. Abby most definitely doesn’t need to know how much Ellie damn near fantasies about her strong arms wrapping around her waist and throwing her down onto her bed again, but this time instead of pulling away Ellie thinks about Abby’s smooth lips on hers as she kisses her senseless. But that will never happen and Ellie needs to stop thinking about it every time she sits on her bed.
Grabbing a sandwich, Ellie spares one final look over at the table where the group usually sits and sees that Nora is sitting between Nick and Jordan laughing together over breakfast. She can’t ruin her morning like that anyways, so she ducks out of the dining hall and heads to her room to pack.
Abby is in the room when Ellie gets back already stuffing items into her bag.
She barely looks up when she says, “No one knows how long we are going to be at the FOB so pack what you can for at least two weeks. Might be better to use the bigger bag this time around.”
Ellie hums as she walks down the steps and puts the sandwich on Abby’s bed, before heading back to her own bed to start packing. She hadn’t meant to give it to her when she first grabbed it at the dining hall, but after seeing her still in her gym clothes she knew that Abby would probably be hungry after her workout. That, plus the unexpected news of being shipped off to the FOB, Ellie fears she might not have time to grab her own food before they have to leave. So it only felt natural to give the sandwich to her instead of eat it herself.
As Ellie packs her mind can’t help but wander. She has had close to three weeks to think about what Nora said and while there was a lot to unpack there it doesn’t change the fact that she was right. If Nora hadn’t kissed her in that hospital, ElIie probably wouldn’t have thought of her as anything more than a good friend. Nora is beautiful and Ellie is glad that she got to spend the time that she did with her, but there was always a small voice in the back of her head that said it was temporary. And the more Ellie tried to ignore that voice the louder it got to the point where the only times it was quiet was when she was with Abby.
But that doesn’t change the fact that Abby will never see her in the same way and even if she did, Ellie still can’t be completely honest with her so it would just lead to the same result.
Ellie alone again.
Would that temporary bliss be worth it in the end? Ellie doesn't know.
So Ellie tries to convince herself that she’s okay with the way things are right now. She has to be.
With that thought in mind Abby and Ellie head out to the garage together.
The snow has just started to melt on the roads so the trip to the FOB was cold, but relatively easy. Abby and Ellie are packed into the back of a Humvee along with as many other soldiers that can fit. Abby is asked a few questions from the others there, but even she doesn't know what is going on or why so many of them are being called out to the FOB.
Once at the FOB they are all taken to the outdoor makeshift barracks where they are assigned a cot in alphabetical order and told to stay on grounds as more soldiers arrive. At least they have a few heaters in each of the barracks or else it would be unbearable.
Ellie puts her massive bag on her cot and for the first time in her life wishes that her last name was higher up in the alphabet. Even if she took the last name Miller---which she knows would be a terrible idea---she would at least have Owen to hang out with, but as it stands with a last name like Williams she is surrounded by people she doesn’t even know.
Not wanting to be stuck inside, Ellie decides to find somewhere else to be. Abby had been called to meet with Isaac almost immediately when they got to the FOB, so Ellie is not sure when she will be out again. Hopefully she will be able to tell Ellie what is going on after she gets done in her meeting, but until then there is not much for Ellie to do.
Finding where the makeshift dining hall is being set, Ellie takes a tray and sits at a quiet table where she can pick at some food and watch truck after truck drop off soldiers. The WLF have always been a bit more militarized than Jackson ever was, but even this amount of movement was a bit alarming, especially since it was still technically winter and the Scars haven’t been much of a problem since late autumn and the ceasefire was put in place.
So lost in thought Ellie doesn’t notice someone sitting down across from her until her tray is moved away.
Ellie thought that Abby would take longer with Isaac, but she won’t complain. When she lifts her head, it is with a smile on her face ready to ask Abby what she learned from Isaac, but Abby isn’t there, instead in front of her sits Mel.
Ellie’s smile drops and her eyebrows pull together in confusion, “Um, Hi. Mel.”
Ellie never really sat down to have an actual one-on-one conversation with Mel before. It’s not that she has any problem with Mel or anything, but they just didn’t have that much to talk about. Ellie kind of spent most of her relationship with Nora hoping that Mel would leave and she never seemed to mind steering clear of Ellie either, though she might have also been trying to give the couple some privacy. But having her ex-girlfriend's roommate sit in front of her unnerved Ellie, especially because Mel hadn’t said anything since sitting down. She just stared at Ellie with her arms folded in front of her on the table, head slightly tilted to the side like Ellie was some kind of puzzle she was trying to solve.
Mel finally lets out a sigh and stands up, “Follow me.”
Ellie looks at her half finished food on the table then back at Mel who is looking at her expectantly, waiting for her to stand up and follow her.
Mel finally turns away from Ellie, throwing over her shoulder a quick, “Come on,” as she walks away.
Ellie pauses for a moment before following her. she wasn’t really that hungry anyways and if Mel is going to lead her into a dark hallway and kill her maybe not having a full stomach is not such a bad thing.
For as small as Mel is, out of everyone in the group, she is probably the one that scares Ellie the most since coming to Seattle. But even more so at this moment. What has Nora been telling her these past few weeks?
“Um, are you leading me to my death or something right now?” Ellie says as Mel leads her into the main building and up two floors to what looks like a smaller version of the medical wing back at the Stadium.
Ellie can see her shoulder raise in a shrug and she opens a door. Ellie stares at her, raising an eyebrow.
Mel rolls her eyes, “I’m not going to kill you. Relax.”
“Promise?” Ellie asks as she enters the dark room.
Mel turns on the light at the door and Ellie sees a couch sitting in the corner. The room looks to be some kind of lounge. A pretty shitty lounge at that, with just a couch and a table pushed up against the back wall.
“What is this all about, Mel?”
“Just sit and wait.”
“You know this is definitely something someone would do if they wanted to kill someone else. I know Nora left pissed, but this is a little much right?” Ellie tries to joke, but it comes out sounding more scared then she would like. “We’re friends right? You wouldn’t kill a friend would you?”
Mel once again rolls her eyes, “Yes, now sit down and shut up. We have to wait for some people.”
Ellie walks over to the couch and sits cross legged. “Yes, we are friends or yes, you would kill a friend? Also, who exactly are we waiting for?”
“You are waiting on us, Mi amiga .” Manny says as he enters along with Owen and Leah. “And I would never kill a friend.”
Ellie looks at them all as they come in with Jordan and Nick bring in the rear, “What are you guys doing here?”
“We are here because we are all worried about you. You have been acting differently ever since Nora and you split,” Manny says sitting down next to her.
“What is this, some kind of intervention? About what?” Ellie asks, seeing Jordan and Nick shrug and nod their heads in unison.
“We all just thought you wanted some space so we haven’t said anything about it,” Leah says, “But I hope you know that you are always welcome around. That you don’t have to separate yourself from everyone.”
“God did you and Abby plan this or something?” Ellie mutters looking down, “She just gave me this lecture.”
“Good, maybe then you will listen.” Manny pats her bent knee.
“I just don’t want to put you all in a bad position with Nora. That’s it.”
“Why would you be putting us in a bad position?” Owen asks.
“Because,” Ellie sighs, “you all have known Nora for longer than you did me and I didn’t want anyone to feel like they had to choose between us or anything.”
“So… you made the choice for us?” Owen asks, “That’s stupid. You were our friend before you started dating Nora. Why would you suddenly stop being our friend after that relationship ends?”
“Yeah,” Mel says, “You're still our friend regardless of what your relationship is. No matter what.”
Ellie doesn’t know why Mel’s words hit her as hard as they do. Owen and Manny she knew thought of her as a close friend; even Leah, Jordan, and Nick would at the very least think of her as a good smoking buddy as the three of them got high enough times together, but Mel had never given her any indication that she did anything more than tolerate Ellie’s presents in her friend's life.
She can feel the tears pool in her eyes, but she quickly blinks them away, “Thanks guys. Abby said just about the same thing, but I guess I really needed to hear that from you all too.”
“Anytime mi amiga ,” Manny pats her shoulder. “I’m glad we could sort this all out. And don't worry about Nora, we talked to her too.”
Ellie’s eyes go wide as she looks up at them all, “You didn’t. Guys.”
“They did,” Mel nods, “It certainly was something else.”
“Ok well now that this is done,” Owen says, “We expect you to sit and eat with us like normal. You can even invite Whitney if you want.”
Ellie nods her head. “Yeah I’ll be there.”
“Good,” Manny says standing up. “We gotta go see what this is all about now. Hopefully someone knows something.”
They all start to head out of the room pushing and joking around with each other. Ellie stands to lease as well, but Mel puts a hand on Ellie’s shoulder, gently pushing her back down again.
“I still need to talk with you about something.”
Ellie knew it was too good to be true, “Ok? What’s up?”
Mel sits down on the couch next to her turning to face her head on. “I am going to ask you something and you have to be hundred percent honest with me.”
“Has anyone told you that you are terrifying when you want to be?”
Mel raises an eyebrow at her, “Good so you’ll tell the truth. What is going on between you and Abby?”
Ellie laughs, “Nothing. We’re just roommates.”
“Right. Just roommates,” Mel tilts her head looking into Ellie’s soul, “Do you know who has access to see assignment change requests?”
Ellie shakes her head.
“The entire medical staff Ellie. Mostly to make sure no one who is injured gets put back into rotation before they are healed, but we can ask to see the logs at any time. So if nothing is going on between you two then why have you been requesting an assignment change to be paired up with her so much.”
Ellie feels her heart start to race in her chest. She had not thought of anyone looking into her assignments before, “Nothing is going on. We just work well together and… How much has Nora talked to you about our past relationship?”
“I’m not here to share her secrets with you.”
“I.. That’s not what I meant. I just… I just needed to get away sometimes and Abby’s nice to be around when I need quiet. That’s all. Nothing crazy. Nothing like whatever she thought was going on.”
Mel nods her head. “Do you want something to start between the two of you?”
“God Mel!” Ellie yelps, taken aback by her question, then quieter says, “I didn’t think we were that kind of friend.”
Mel laughs. “Sorry, I just… I’m very protective of my friends as I’m sure you know and I don’t want to see them hurt…again. So, if you do want something to happen with Abby, just know that if you hurt her the way you did Nora you will have to answer to me.”
Mel pats Ellie’s knee before standing up and heading out the door, but before she can fully leave Ellie laughs, “I feel like you should be telling Owen that shouldn't you? They got back together at Christmas.”
Mel stops at the door and throws her head back to laugh, “Wow you two really do deserve each other,” She says under her breath, “Owen’s not dating Abby. He’s dating me.”
Ellie is stunned silent by the declaration, but quickly tries to recover and wrap her head around what Mel is implying, “When did that happen?”
Mel rolls her eyes and walks out of the room. “A few days after Christmas.”
“Wow, I was not expecting that at all.” Ellie follows her out of the room, trying to think back on every time she saw Mel and Owen together and can’t think of a time where they looked like a couple, “Does Abby know?”
Mel shrugs her shoulders, “She hasn’t asked, but it’s not like we are trying to hide it. It’s not like she would care anyways.”
“She wouldn’t?”
“God you both are stupid,” Mel mutters so low that Ellie isn’t sure she was supposed to hear that, but before she can ask more questions they are suddenly in the mists of a crowd gathered around the steps of the main building. Mel and Ellie are ushered out of the way and off to the side by high ranking commanding officers.
“Why are we all standing here?” Ellie asks, but before anyone can answer Isaac comes out of the building surrounded by three other people, none of them being Abby.
“Thank you all for coming,” Isaac starts like he didn’t command them all to be there in the first place.
Ellie’s eyes scan the crowd looking for the familiar blonde braid until she finds her. Abby stands off on the other side of the crowd. When Ellie’s green eyes finally make contact with her blue one she doesn’t look away and neither does Abby.
“You might be wondering why I called you all down here. Slowly the Scars have been gaining ground and trying to move more inland. Days ago a patrol was brutally attacked. During a time of year where peace is honored on both sides. They have chosen to spit on the face of that peace, but no longer will we allow that. It is time we put a stop to their brutality. It is time that we finally get rid of the Scars once and for all. We are stronger now than ever. For the next few days we will prepare to take the fight to them on their own Island. You will receive your group assignment shortly. You are all dismissed.”
The energy of the FOB after Isaac’s orders is tense as everyone slowly walks away from the steps of the building after Isaac goes back in and Ellie loses sight of Abby in the crowd.
_______
Three days go by after Isaac’s announcement and the energy of the FOB remains in a tense state, everyone just waiting for more information to be shared. Abby tries to talk with Isaac to get more information, but he has locked himself in his office and is not letting anyone in to talk. Even in her meeting with him, he didn’t provide her with any useful information. Nor did he listen to her about the number of soldiers he had called, not nearly being enough for a full scale invasion. Why she was even in the meeting in the first place if he wasn’t going to listen to her, she will probably never know.
The only silver lining in all this is that Ellie and Nora seem to have worked out how to not tear the group apart after their break up. Abby isn’t sure if they have met up and worked it out or if Nora has just accepted the fact that Ellie is not leaving their group just because they are no longer dating. Either way she is just happy that something seems to be working out in her favor, because not much else is.
Abby never thought that she would miss sleeping near someone like she does Ellie. Even when they were on assignments in the hospital she at least knew where she was or if she was up, now they are in completely separate barracks with a strict curfew for all non-classified personnel and unfortunately neither Abby nor Ellie have classified statues.
Even their training schedules have been modified alphabetically, making the only times she is able to see anyone with the last name starting with a letter after E is during meal times. Which would be fine except Ellie has this annoying habit of ditching at least one meal. Which is of course what she is doing now. The whole group is sitting at a table, minus Ellie, when the announcement comes. They will be marching to the Seraphite’s Island at nightfall tonight.
“It’s getting real, isn’t it?” Manny asks quietly.
Abby nods, getting up from the table and marching over to Dougan at the food line.
“Do we get to know who will be on our teams for the invasion?” She asks maybe a little more aggressively than she intended.
“Finally decisions haven’t been made yet,” He says, looking around before lowering his voice, “But Isaac has no plan to separate the Salt Lake Crew.”
“And Ellie?”
He looks her up and down, “And Ellie.”
Abby nods, grabbing another burrito and going off to find wherever Ellie disappeared to.
It was harder to find her than Abby thought it would be. No one wanted to be in the building full of tortured Scars so that ruled that out, but she wasn’t in her barracks and Abby isn’t sure where she would go as there is no library to hole up in like there is at the Stadium. She can’t have gone left the FOB grounds as soldiers are stationed everywhere. She would have told Abby last night if she had been put on any patrol assignments when they talked last.
So where could she have gone?
She finally finds her behind the building earbuds in listening to a walkman with her journal out sketching something. The closer Abby gets, the clearer the picture is. It's a sketch of a man Abby has never seen before. There are wrinkles around his eyes and Abby can imagine how much gray is in his hair based on the shading of it in the picture.
A part of Abby wonders how long it would take for Ellie to notice her if she doesn’t move, but that curiosity is short lived when a hair falls onto Ellie’s face and Abby can no longer see her cute concentrated look. Abby longs to be able to freely reach out and move the hair out of her face, but she settles for sitting down next to her instead. Maybe a bit too close so that their arms touch.
Ellie looks up at her surprised hand covering part of the man's face.
Abby nods at the sketch, “He the one that took you to the museum?”
Ellie furrows her brow, slowly moving her hand away, “Yeah, I didn’t even realize I was drawing him until I was too far gone to stop.”
Abby smiles, “You going to be ok? This is a lot more than a regular assignment. Can’t have my partner’s head in the clouds.”
Ellie looks up at Abby tilting her head to the side, raising one eyebrow.
“Not that we are partner, partners. I just meant that like we usually pair off together. Not that we are like a pair or anything---”
“Are you high right now?”
“God I wish,”
They are each quiet for a moment before erupting into laughter.
“I’ll be fine,” Ellie says, “They attacked us first right?”
“Right,” Abby says, but a pit opens up in her stomach. Isaac didn’t say in his announcement that the attack on the patrol was done by just a group of teenagers and Abby can’t imagine Ellie being okay with what they are doing next if she knew. Abby doesn’t even completely agree with what they are about to do, but Isaac wouldn’t listen to her, so stuck in his own thinking.
“When is your birthday anyways?” Abby says, looking at Ellie’s journal. She had flipped the page to a blank sheet where she is currently sketching a T-rex.
“Ah May 30th. You?”
“July 15th. Man we missed your birthday we could have done something.”
Ellie laughs, “I wasn’t even here yet, besides you took me to the music store we can count that.”
“Hm I guess so. Does that mean you’re going to get me a belated birthday gift too?”
Ellie shakes her head, “What do you want Abby?”
Abby pretends to think about it, “How about you draw me something.”
“You want me to draw you something? What.”
Abby shrugs, “I don’t know anything you want too.”
“One pile of horse dung coming right up.”
Abby smiles, “You know me so well. Here,” Abby passes Ellie the burrito, “Eat, the invasion starts tonight.”
“Yeah yeah,” Ellie says, tucking the burrito into her bag for later. They sit in silence for a minute after that.
For as content as Abby is just sitting with Ellie, she should probably get up soon to check her pack. That is until Ellie lends over to rest her head against Abby’s shoulder as she continues to draw the dinosaur and suddenly there is no other place that Abby needs to be at that moment.
Notes:
Thank you for reading!!!
Could this have probably been two chapter? Yes.
Did I know that before this moment? No. lol.
Would you believe that last Saturday this chapter was less then 2,000 words and now it is somehow more then the last chapter. I really don't know how that happened, and I pretty much completely scraped the original rough draft of this chapter and started it all over again at the beginning of the week. So if it is a little rough, I'm sorry, I truly did my best to still be able to update today. I think it came out ok, but if you notice any sentences that feel awkward or confusing feel free to let me know and I can try and fix it.
Ps. Also just the thought of Abby going to Manny of all people for girl advice and Ellie low key being terrified of Mel was just really funny to me.
As always comments and Kudos are always appreciated and feedback is always welcome.
Preview to next chapter:
The battle! Aka how'd Owen get that burn scar on his back and Ellie gets some unexpected help.
Chapter 20: Chapter 20
Summary:
The WLF are woefully unprepared for taking the Seraphites Island.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Night comes quickly and Ellie finds herself sitting between Abby and Owen on a boat speeding to the Seraphites’s Island.
Abby has been quiet since they emerged from behind the apartment building together.
They sat there in comfortable silence for some time, Ellie’s head on Abby’s shoulder as she finished her sketch of the dinosaur and started another of a family of deer. Really just anything Ellie could think of to keep Abby next to her for just a little bit longer, until they finally had to separate and start preparing for the invasion.
At some point, while Ellie was sketching, Abby’s arm found itself wrapped around her shoulders, bringing them even closer together.
Ellie could be imagining it or maybe it’s just wishful thinking on her part, but something feels like it has shifted between them. Everything else just seems to melt away in these quiet moments when it’s just the two of them and Ellie can forget what they are being sent out here to do.
That illusion shatters, not that it was that strong to begin with, as the whole group now sits in the boat, aside from Mel who is stationed back at the FOB with a small group of select medical staff.
Nora sits across from Ellie facing her as one of the on-site medics for the invasion. Her primary role being to stay on the beach and ferry the wounded back to the FOB where Mel can treat them. She is a fairly decent shot---one of the best on the medical team---and a fast runner, so Ellie has no doubts in her mind that she can take care of herself in any situation that she may face.
Ellie hasn’t actually worked up the courage to speak to Nora one-on-one yet. She knows that she is being a coward, but she’s still trying to get used to simply being in the same room as her again, especially now that she has somehow grown even closer to Abby then she had been when the two of them were still dating.
Ellie can’t pinpoint exactly why she is having such a hard time with it all. It’s not like there is anything really going on between her and Abby anyways, but something about Nora witnessing first-hand all of the small touches she and Abby share, whether consciously or unconsciously, makes Ellie even more self-conscious then she used to be before burning her bite mark off.
It doesn’t help that Ellie can feel Nora’s gaze staring a hole into the place where Abby’s knee presses against her own. Abby has never been good at sitting without spreading her legs wide open and Ellie has long since given up on trying to push her legs away from her when they touch. Not that she ever really tried much to begin with.
So no, Nora and Ellie have not talked yet, but they have somehow come to a silent agreement to be civil with each other. Ellie wouldn’t categorize them as friends just yet, but they do exist in a sort of liminal space just outside of friendship. So when Nora sends her a soft smile as the boat nears the western side of the island, Ellie isn’t sure if it is just a friendly good luck smile or something else.
“Ok everyone,” Abby says over the sound of the engine, Ellie can feel the shift in her from soldier to leader and knows why Isaac put her in charge of their small group. “We are going in relatively blind. We don’t have an accurate map of this island or the terrain. We don’t have an accurate count of their fighters and frankly I don’t think we have nearly enough soldiers on our end. By all accounts we are at a great disadvantage.”
“God Abby, tell us something motivational,” Manny interrupts.
“ But ,” Abby continues like Manny never spoke. “The unknown has never stopped us before and it’s not going to stop us now. May your survival be long.”
“May your death be swift.” They all echo the motto in one voice back to her.
Ellie feels her stomach twist.
She is no stranger to killing, she’s done it enough times to both infected and Scars alike since joining the WLF, but something about this whole situation feels so completely wrong to her. Why does Isaac care so much about this island? She gets defending themselves when they are attacked on their own land, but taking the fight to them like this where children live? Ellie isn’t sure she can do that, but she doesn’t really have much of a choice in this matter. All she can do is hope that a retreat is called before too many innocent lives are taken on either side.
An image of the Seraphite boy they helped all those months ago flashes across Ellie’s mind.
Lev.
He doesn’t deserve his home to be torn apart like Isaac wants, but as quickly as the image comes to mind, Ellie tries to push it back down again. She can’t worry about things that are out of her control, not when there are people right in front of her that she has to protect.
The sense of wrongness only amplifies as Ellie steps foot on the island. It is irrationally quiet and unusually dark.
She knows the Scars don’t use Old World technology, but they should still use something to light their homes with. It's still the latter part of winter and while the snow has mostly melted from the ground it is still relatively cold, especially at night, so there should be some kind of fire or something to keep the people warm, but there's nothing.
No fires, no torches, no anything.
Ellie can see other teams also exit their boats, guns raised as they enter the woods. The beach sits surrounded by rocks leaving them more exposed then Ellie feels comfortable with. Ellie shares a look with Abby that she somehow understands completely.
“Ok Nora, take the boat a little off shore, but keep an eye on the woods edge in case we come back with any injured that might need to be transported back to the FOB. I don’t like how exposed this place is and with how quiet it is right now,” Abby shakes her head, “I just don’t trust it. Everyone else come on, let's get some coverage in the trees.”
The group nods and does as she says, but they are walking into a dark void as they step foot into the forest. Even the light of the moon is dimmed under the thick leaves, making it harder to see clearly where they are going or who is in front of them.
Ellie tries to get Abby’s attention again, but she is already too far ahead next to Owen. Ellie and Leah make up the middle of their group with Manny taking up the rear.
The group makes it less than a yard into the thick brush of the woods before it happens.
Arrows and gunfire come from somewhere in the trees forcing the group to separate in order to find cover from the onslaught of attacks. Ellie finds coverage in a bush with Leah.
She can barely see the attackers in the flashes of light given off by her gunshots, but she takes out as many Scars as she can anyways. Ellie can’t tell how many Scars are all around them, but that doesn’t stop her team from taking them all out. They don’t let up until the arrows stop raining down on them.
Looking around for her other companions, she sees that Manny is not far behind her and Leah remains next to her, but she has lost track of where Abby and Owen have gone in the attack. They were right in front of them, but where she, Leah, and Manny all ducked left, the last Ellie saw of Abby and Owen were them ducking right.
Manny crawls to them in the tall grass in case there are still more Scars.
“This whole thing feels like a trap. They must have known we were coming,” Manny whispers when he gets close enough to them in the bushes.
Gunshots and whistling can be heard not far from them and Ellie knows the other teams are facing similar attacks. How they are fairing remains to be seen.
Manny takes a quick look around, his eyebrows pulling together when he sees that not all of their party is here, “Did you see where Abby and Owen hid?”
Leah and Ellie shake their heads. As soon as they do, fire flashes from somewhere to their right. Not close, but big. Big enough that Ellie can feel the blast of heat on her face before it dies down quickly.
Ellie does not even think twice about sprinting to where the fire is coming from, nor does she wait for her companions to follow her. She knows that kind of fire. She has seen that kind of fire before with Joel when he found a flamethrower in the loading dock at the University of Eastern Colorado.
How the fuck did the Sarephites get their hands on a fucking flamethrower? And how are they using it? Ellie thinks as she runs. She thought Lev said that the Sarephites were not allowed to even touch Old World stuff. Did he lie to her?
Ellie shakes her head clear of her thoughts. It isn’t important if a kid she met once lied to her or not. What matters is getting to those flames and making sure that whoever got hit with the blast is ok. It could not even be Abby or Owen, but some small voice in the back of Ellie's head tells her that the other groups would be too far away for it to one of them.
She doesn’t know how Abby and Owen got so far away from them, but just as Ellie makes it to a clearing where some of the fire still rages she sees a group of five Scars dragging a knocked out Abby away and Owen’s body laying on the ground face down with flames licking at his back and right arm.
Ellie drops her bag and takes off her jacket in one motion, stamping out the fire on Owen’s body.
“Owen wake up. Come on man,” Ellie tries to prop him up to check if he is still breathing. Putting her hand close to his nose she feels small puffs of air leave his body. “Manny, can you and Leah carry him? He needs to get out of here and back to the FOB as quickly as we can get him there.”
“Si, Are you not coming with us?” Manny says, moving quickly to take Owen from her grasp. Owen’s eye open and shut a few times as he tries to stand up on his own.
Ellie shakes her head, “They have Abby. I saw where they dragged her away before you came. I’m not leaving without her,”
Manny nods, throwing Owen’s less injured arm around his shoulder. Leah goes to the other side to help Owen walk.
Before Ellie can turn and go after Abby, Leah calls out to her, “Be careful.”
Ellie nods, throwing an, “I’ll be quick, just get him out of here,” as she turns to face the forest and sets out in the direction of the last place she saw Abby.
* * *
Ellie has always felt more effective alone.
Not that anyone on her team was particularly bad at what they did or held her back in anyway, but there was just something liberating about not having to always check behind herself to make sure her teammates were still there. One of the reasons she worked so well with Abby was the fact that neither of them really had to worry about the other. It was almost like they could feel where the other was at all times or maybe Ellie just trusted Abby not to let her guard down while on a mission.
Which makes her wonder how the Scars managed to get the jump on Abby to begin with. Many thoughts rattled around in Ellie’s mind ranging from Abby somehow waking up and getting away from her captures to her being dead when Ellie finally does find her.
That can’t happen. Ellie thinks as she traverses the unfamiliar forest, not even sure if she is going in the right direction anymore, but Ellie will not stop until she knows for sure that Abby is okay. And if not, then Ellie will make sure that whoever hurt Abby pays.
She just needs to find her first.
It’s more than a need really. It’s crucial, necessary, essential that Abby is safe and with her again. The feeling is so strong that it takes Ellie a little off guard at how stupid she has been and she falls to her knees in the mud.
All this time wasted, denying that anything could ever happen between Abby and herself. She can’t have imagined all the looks Abby sends her way or how they seem to orbit each other whenever they are close. Hell, if Mel and Nora both seem to think that it’s not completely outside the realm of possibilities, then maybe it’s not. Maybe she just needs to stop being such a fucking coward all the time.
Ellie picks herself up off the ground and starts running again. She doesn’t want to even think of the possibility of Abby no longer walking this world with her.
Abby will be fine. She is strong. The absolute strongest person Ellie knows. She will be fine.
Ellie has never been one to pray, but she is not above bargaining with whatever higher power there may be.
Abby will be fine. She repeats in her mind like a mantra. It becomes all she thinks until it is boiled down to just..
Abby.
Abby.
Abby.
She knows the general direction that the Scars took her, but she has no way of knowing if they turned or where they are even taking her to in the first place. The more time passes the less confident Ellie is that she will find her alive and the farther away from the sounds of the other teams fighting along the beach gets.
She manages not to attract the attention of any additional Scars, but she does see that the amount of fighters the Scars have, way outnumbers what the WLF brought and they are losing.
Bad.
Ellie somehow finds herself on the other side of the fighting so the amount of Scars that she runs across diminishes the further she goes inland, but that also means that there are no more WLF around either. She is completely alone out here. The few Scars that she does run across are easily taken care of before they can send out their horrible warning whistles.
Ellie is getting increasingly more desperate and careless as she rounds a tree and crashes into something or someone causing her to fall backwards.
Ellie recovers quickly, keeping her gun trained to the person that knocked her over as she stands up. The Scar that ran into her is still on the ground looking away from her.
Ellie’s eyes search for any sign of a weapon they could possibly be carrying. Her eyes track the Scar’s movements as they pull their hood up to once again cover the tight halo braid of their dark brown hair. It is then that the Scar turns around.
Something in their face reminds Ellie of someone, not only that, but Ellie can now see that this Scar is just a child. Ellie raises her gun to the sky along with her other hand in the universal signal that she will not shoot.
Trying to place where she saw their face before the only name that comes to her mind is…
“Lev?” Ellie whispers, eyebrows pulling together in confusion.
“Ellie?” The kid questions in the dim light of the moon peeking through the trees, “What are you doing on the Island? It’s the Wolves that are attacking us isn’t it?”
Ellie can feel the disappointment in his voice, “Listen to me Lev, I’m looking for Abby. She was captured and I don’t know where they would take her.”
“Your people are here attacking and killing mine, you know that right?” Anger now replacing his disappointment, “And what, you want me to help you find someone that will probably not hesitate to kill me if she has the chance?”
“Kid—-“
“I’m not a kid!” Lev shouts and Ellie is covering his mouth with her hand before she knows what she's doing.
“You’re right,” Ellie whispers still with her hand over his mouth. Kneeling down with him in the dirt where she can keep them both out of sight from anyone who might have heard his outburst. “You’re right Lev. You’re not a kid, but sometimes when you are a soldier you are ordered to do things that you don’t like or agree with. I don’t agree with what the WLF are doing here on this island, but I couldn’t bear the thought of Abby coming here without me either and I most certainly can’t leave her here to die. What would you do if it was someone you cared about taken by the Wolves. Would you not do anything to get them back? I’d like to think that if I could help you, I would if our roles were reversed.”
Ellie slowly removes her hand from his face. It’s not a lie, but Ellie still feels dirty telling him that she would help him if he was in her place, because even if Ellie wanted to help him, she’s not sure if she would be able to.
Lev is quiet for a moment, clearly fighting with himself over what he should do. Then, finally, with a defeated sigh says, “They probably took her to the punishment field.”
“Ok and where is that?”
Ellie can feel Lev evaluating her again.
“Follow me,” He says, waving her forward.
Ellie shakes her head even though he has already turned around, “I can’t ask you to risk your life or risk you to get in trouble with your people for helping me.”
“You're not asking though. Come on, we probably don’t have much time,” He says, starting to run.
Not seeing a way to argue with him and, in truth, wanting to get to Abby as fast as she can, Ellie follows him.
As they run his hood once again falls off. He quickly glances at her before pulling it back up again. This happens two more times before he slows to a stop, turning to her.
“You haven’t asked.” Lev says, letting his hood remain down when it is once again blown off his head in the wind, revealing his braided hair, so much like his sister’s.
Ellie’s eyebrows pull together in confusion. “I haven’t asked about what?”
“My hair? My name?” Lev says, “My own sister had so many questions about it. She yelled at me and told me I was confused and…” He rubs the left side of his face like he is soothing a slap.
Ellie puts a gentle hand on his shoulder, “Lev are you okay?”
“There you go again.” Lev pushes her hand off him, taking a step away. “You don’t have any questions to ask me?”
“What is there to ask about? You told me your name is Lev. If you don’t want me calling you that then you can tell me what I should be calling you. As for your hair. I don’t know what I could possibly ask about it.”
“Men don’t have long hair.” He whispers, his eyes start to water like at any second, tears will start to fall.
“Who told you that?” Ellie shakes her head, “Listen kiddo hair doesn’t really mean anything. If you like your hair long, keep it long. If you want to try it short, cut it off. My Uncle has hair damn near to his butt and trust me no one is confusing him for anyone other than the asshole he is. Look at me, I can barely tie all of my hair up into a ponytail even if I want to, which I don’t, but that doesn’t make me any less of a woman just because I have short hair, does it? Length of hair doesn’t mean jack shit about what gender you are. You just are who you are. So unless you tell me something different, I’m going to keep referring to you by the name you gave me. Other than that I don’t really know what you are wanting from me here.”
Lev looks down for a moment, before abruptly surging forward to hug her. Ellie wasn’t really expecting the onslaught, but catches him in her arms with only a steading step backwards.
“Thank you,” He says, voice barely above a whisper. Ellie can't help but to tighten her arms around him.
“Don’t thank me for something as basic as that Lev.” Ellie pulls away to wipe the tears that fell from his eyes. “Your sister will come around. Sometimes it just takes time to understand things that you are unfamiliar with. She loves you, even I can tell that much.”
Lev clears his throat, backing away from Ellie. “We should probably get to Abby,” Lev says, rubbing the back of his neck and looking away. Ellie only nods for him to show her the way and they are both running again.
It doesn’t take long before Lev is slowing down and motioning for her to be quiet. That is when she sees Abby’s unconscious body laying on the ground surrounded by three scars. One of them is trying to tie a rope around her neck, but it appears that they are having a hard time lifting her into position to string her up.
“Lev you need to leave. I am going to have to hurt these Seraphites and I don’t want you to have to see that. Most of the WLF are coming in from the south, southwest side of the island so go get your sister and mother as far northeast as you can. Maybe even get a boat and hide in the peninsula on the other side. It doesn’t look like our invasion plan was going to work anyways so we should be retreating soon. You should be safe if you are able to wait it out.” Ellie finally takes her eyes off Abby’s body being hoisted up, “Thank you for helping me find her.”
“Thanks for saving me in the music store,” Lev looks like he wants to say more. “And for what you said before. I really hope you make it.”
“Me too,” She whispers with a nod.
She waits for him to leave before turning her attention to her stock of weapons. She doesn’t have any kind of silencer on her so she knows as soon as the first shot is fired there will be no going back and all she can hope for is that Abby will be able to walk after she gets to her.
The three Scars have become five when Ellie refocuses on the clearing in front of her. Thankfully, Abby has woken up, but her arms are tied behind her back making them useless to free herself. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t try to kick out at the Scars that have her held captive, making it that much harder for them to get her fully into the air.
Ellie takes aim at the one trying to string her up by her neck. She shoots and the Scar lets the rope holding Abby slip through their hand as they fall to the ground with a bullet through their head. Abby falls to the ground as well landing hard on her side with a thump.
A whistle sound is quickly cut off by Ellie’s next bullet.
In quick succession, Ellie shoots off three more bullets each landing in their targets with a guttural sound and Ellie is through the trees in an instant, kneeling by Abby’s back, sawing off the rope that ties her arms together with her switchblade.
“What are you doing here?” Abby asks, holding her rib cage.
“I think what you meant to say was. ‘Thank you Ellie, I am forever in your debt for saving my life.’”
“Thanks,” Abby looks around, “Shit they stole my backpack and guns.”
“We don’t have time to look for them. It’s not looking good out there. We have to get back to the boat before they leave us here. If a retreat hasn’t already been called then one is about to be. You were right. We don’t have nearly enough people for this,” Ellie helps Abby stand, “You okay to walk?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Isaac is going to be pissed though.”
“I don’t give two shits about how mad Isaac is going to be about this, come on.”
Even though Abby insists that she is fine, Ellie still stays close to her. Ellie will not be separated from Abby again so if the Scars did hear any of her gunshots or the whistling, she will be ready to protect Abby.
But there are no Scars that Ellie can see and no arrows shoot at them as the beach comes into eyesight.
The battle is over, the WLF lost, and there are no more boats left on the beach.
“Fuck,” Ellie mutters, ducking down low when sees a small group of Scars on the beach with their bows drawn.
There’s only two of them in sight. Ellie hands Abby her pistol and takes out her rifle. Two quick shots later and they are no longer a worry, but that doesn’t change the fact that they have no way of getting off this island.
“There has to be someone still here,” Ellie says. “They wouldn’t just leave us behind.”
“There’s not going to be anyone. They were probably sent back when there was more Scars than we thought there was going to be.”
“Come on,” Ellie leads them along the forest's edge until they reach an enclave of boulders and hear muffled arguing.
“We can’t leave yet! Abby and Ellie are still out there somewhere,” Ellie would recognize that voice anywhere as Manny.
“Then they are probably both dead. We have to leave. Every other team has fallen back; we are sitting ducks out here,” Nora says.
“We’re not dead yet,” Ellie yells from around the side of the boulders not seeing a way to get to them from where she stands with Abby.
Manny seemingly comes out of the rocks from nowhere, breaking out into a run after seeing them. He engulfs Ellie into a bone crushing hug when he reaches her, “I knew you would make it out chica .”
“This is very sweet and all, but let’s get the fuck off this island,” Abby says, looking off into the trees and holding her side.
Manny lets go of Ellie and turns to Abby, going in for the same treatment, but Abby holds him back with her good arm. “I’m pretty sure I have at least one broken rib so please don’t hug me.”
“Right,” Manny backs away with his hands raised before showing them the hidden path to the boat. “Nora found this when we were ordered to retreat.”
“Where’s Owen?” Abby asks.
Manny grows quiet when they reach Nora in the speedboat. Ellie helps Abby get in and tries not to fuss too much over her well-being, before going back to help Manny with the boat.
“He was in bad shape, but Leah took him to the mainland already. We will have see when we get back to the FOB how he is.” Nora speaks up.
Manny and Ellie push the boat out into the waters before jumping in themselves and Nora maneuvers them carefully out of the enclave and into the open ocean heading back to camp.
“Well that was horrible right Abby?” Ellie asks, lightly punching her shoulder. When she gets no response, she turns fully to face her, “Abby?”
Abby’s eyes aren’t quite closed, but her head is dropping and bobbing back up like she is fighting the urge to fall asleep.
“Manny, help me keep her upright so she doesn’t fall into the ocean,” Ellie says, sliding to kneel in-front of Abby, grabbing her face between her hands as her heart finds a home in her throat, “Abby look at me. Can you hear me? Come on Abby.”
Notes:
Thank you for reading!!!
I know it's a cliffhanger I'm sorry and it's a bit shorter then last few chapters, but trust me it is needed.
Remember when I said Lev was coming back? This was one of those times, but don't worry he will be back again sooner then you would think.
Comments and Kudos are always appreciated and feedback is always welcome.
Preview to next chapter:
Starts with Ellie worrying over Abby and ends with Abby worrying over Ellie.
Also Owen takes his turn slapping some reason into Abby. (It can't always be Mel's job. lol)
Chapter 21: Chapter 21
Summary:
Starts with Ellie worrying over Abby and ends with Abby worrying over Ellie.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Abby’s eyes slowly open to the bright lights of a hospital room.
She doesn’t really remember much about how she got there. The last thing being Ellie helping her into the boat. She isn’t even sure how they got the boat out of that little cove. Her head had been throbbing ever since she opened her eyes to see those Scars trying to hang her up. The whole way to the beach all Abby could really think about was trying not to throw up.
Her eyesight is still blurry when she sees two figures hugging in view of the window. She can’t really make out who both of them are, but Abby is sure one of them must be Ellie.
As they pull apart Abby’s eyes clear a bit and she can see that she was right. Ellie stands there in perfect view of the window, but the other person is blocked by the start of the wall.
Abby doesn’t need to see the other person to know that it must be Nora as Ellie’s eyes follow the person as they presumably walk down the hall before she enters Abby’s room.
Abby is quick to close her eyes, hoping that Ellie didn't see her staring through the window at her interaction. She knows that she is being stupid, but she just can’t seem to stop herself. It feels like she loses five brain cells whenever Ellie enters a room and ten more when she touches her.
She's half way through bratting herself when she feels a cool hand on hers. The touch is light at first, but quickly grows bolder as Ellie takes Abby’s hand more firmly in her own with a gentle squeeze.
“Come on Abby, wake up,” She whispers so low that if there was any noise in the room, Abby probably would not have been able to hear her.
Abby feels a feather light touch of a hand moving her hair off her forehead that quickly disappears again when a knock sounds at the door.
“Hey,” Mel’s voice says gently, “Lunch is being served.”
Silence fills the room, but the hand in Abby’s doesn’t move.
“I can stay with her if you want, but you have to eat.”
A sigh sounds from Ellie’s lips, like this is an argument long fought and lost. “Yeah if you’re not too busy.”
Ellie gives Abby’s hand one last squeeze before she lets go. It takes everything in Abby not to squeeze or pull her back and tell Ellie that she is awake.
What is she so afraid of? Abby thinks, but the moment passes and Ellie is gone before Abby can make up her mind on what to do.
“I know you’re awake so you can stop pretending,” Mel says a few moments after the door closes.
Caught, Abby peeks her eyes open to see Mel looking over at her from the side of the door.
“Do I want to know how long I’ve been out?”
“You've been in and out for about two and a half days. You have two fractured ribs, some pretty bad cuts, and I suspect a concussion. What is the last thing you remember?” Mel pushes off the wall to help her sit up and scoot to the edge of the bed.
“We had just gotten on the boat then…” Abby shakes her head, “I don’t know.”
Mel nods and takes her through a series of other questions as she shines a light in each of her eyes.
“Do you feel nauseous?”
“A little?”
“Okay you should be good. Try to take it easy with the ribs and I’m putting you on restricted assignments. No going out into the field for at least two months,” Mel holds up her hand to stop Abby from speaking, “It should be three months so I don’t want to hear any complaining because I can still make it four.”
Abby closes her mouth and nods at her.
Mel busies herself with making notes on a chart and they fall into a pleasant silence.
“You know Ellie hasn’t really left your side since getting to the Stadium,” Mel breaks the silence in the room as she nods her head to the corner.
Abby turns her head to see that Ellie’s backpack rests against the wall with a thin sheet laid out like a bed. “That can not be comfortable.”
“I imagine not.”
Abby’s head hurts too much to think about what that means, especially if Ellie is getting back together with Nora like Abby suspects.
“How‘s Owen?” Abby asks, trying to redirect the conversation away from Ellie’s odd sleeping arrangement.
Mel shakes her head, “He was burned pretty badly, we’re still trying to see the full extent of his injuries, but he’s alive. We have him on the strongest pain relievers we have available, so he’s usually asleep. All we can do is try to keep his injuries clean and covered so he doesn’t get an infection. We’re still determining how bad his third degree burns are. It looks like most of his burns are second degree, but there are a few spots that look worse than others.”
Abby nods. She remembers being attacked and separated from the others, then the fire and being knocked out. She still doesn’t understand why they went through all that trouble to drag her away when they could have just as easily shot her dead right there on the forest floor.
Maybe to make an example out of her? It would make sense as she is one of the WLF’s best fighters, but how would the Scars know who to target if they purposefully tried to separate her from the rest of the group?
Which honestly just adds more questions to the ones already rattling around in her head. The most important one being; how did Ellie manage to find her so far inland in the first place?
The door opens at that moment as Abby is still trying to piece it all together.
Abby looks up to see a very tired looking Ellie, frozen in her doorway.
Until she isn’t frozen anymore and Abby is left with little warning before she is barreled into. It doesn’t last long before Ellie pulls away quick and Abby feels a punch to her shoulder.
“Don’t you ever fucking scare me like that again. Just fucking passing out on a fucking boat in the middle of the fucking ocean,” She executes each point with a small light punch to the shoulder.
“Okay, god. I get it. I’m sorry. Mel, you not going to stop her? I have two fractured ribs, stop hitting me.”
Ellie stops suddenly, “Oh yeah I forgot about those. Are you feeling okay? You hungry? I’m going to go grab you some food.”
Mel puts a hand to Ellie's shoulder, “Stay I’ll go get the food.”
Ellie nods as Mel leaves and silence overcomes them as Abby feels Ellie’s eyes cataloging her injuries.
“I heard you’ve been sleeping on the floor,” Abby says, nodding over to her makeshift bedding.
“Oh um,” Ellie rubs at the back of her head and with a laugh she says, “Yeah it's all hands on desk with Owen and everyone’s stretched a little thin. A lot of the other doctors are still out in the field with the injured who haven’t been transferred back to the Stadium yet, so someone had to stay and make sure you were still breathing.”
“Right…” Abby says slowly, not quite believing her, but choosing to let her words slide, “How is everyone? Mel told me about Owen, but how’s everyone else?”
“Everyones fine, relatively speaking, Isaac is pissed though, but there isn’t much anyone can do about that, aside from maybe Dougan. There’s already been a lot of unrest since the retreat,” Ellie looks at the closed door and lowers her voice, coming a little closer to Abby as she says, “I heard a few people talking about defeating, joining the Serphites.”
“That’s stupid. They're a crazy religious cult.”
Ellie shrugs, “It doesn’t matter. It’s the fact that Isaac is going to lose people that does. Manny’s being called to the FOB without a come back date. Isaac is panicking and people can tell. He’s losing more than just a battle here.”
Abby’s head starts to throb. She closes her eyes and she tries to message her temples without aggravating any of her injuries. She can hear Ellie come even closer to her and feels her hands being replaced by Ellie’s in the message. Their height difference created by Abby sitting in the bed makes it so that Ellie’s hands are at a comfortable height for the task.
What started out as a temple message becomes a full fledged scalp message that almost puts Abby back to sleep sitting up. She hadn’t noticed that her hair was down, but as Ellie runs her fingers across her scalp and through her hair from root to tip without a tangle she knows that someone not only took her hair out of its braid, but has also brushed her hair in the time that she was sleep.
The head message stops sooner then Abby would like as Mel opens the door carrying a tray piled with food.
Ellie steps out of the way for Mel to put the food down on the table beside Abby’s bed, “Mel should she be eating all of that so soon after waking up?”
“Did you actually eat when I sent you away or did you just walk around for twenty minutes before checking in on Owen and coming back?” Mel says crossing her arms, “And don’t even think about lying to me I have eyes everywhere.”
“God if you have kids they aren’t going to be able to get away with anything are they?”
“Nope. Now sit, eat, and for the love of any god sleep in your own bed tonight.”
Abby laughs.
“Shut up, traitor. ” Ellie says, narrowing her glaze at her as she grabs a sandwich before settling down on a chair in the corner of the room. “Just because you're injured doesn't mean I can’t still kick your ass.”
“The only way you can kick my ass is if I’m injured,” Abby mutters, taking a bite out of her sandwich.
*
For the rest of the day Mel continues to check in on her, but Abby is ready to just go back to her own room. She’s tired of people just walking in on her whenever they please and most importantly she’s a bit mad that they kept interrupting her time with Ellie. Not that they were doing a whole lot aside from some idle chatting. Ellie had grabbed a book for her to read and Ellie of course had her journal out, but they mostly just talked about dumb stuff like how the meatballs have been different lately or how Nick and Adam started dating or really just anything other than why Ellie really slept on the floor for two nights.
“I have good news and bad news for you both. Which do you want first?” Mel says when she comes in towards the end of the day and what Abby can only assume is the end of her shift.
“She likes the bad news first,” Ellie says before Abby can answer.
Abby looks over at Ellie, but her eyes are focused on Mel instead. “She’s right, bad news first.”
“Ok bad news is… Sorry Abby, you have to stay here for at least two more days so we can monitor your concession.”
Abby slumps down onto the pillows propping her up on her bed. “And what’s the good news?”
“Well the good news is... Ellie can finally sleep in her own bed tonight.” Mel narrows her eyes at Ellie. “And not the floor of a hospital room.”
Ellie’s eyes flash to Abby then down to the ground. “I’ve slept on way worst,” She mutters.
“I’ll leave you to convince her,” Mel turns to Abby, “I don’t have the time to deal with some self-sacrificing nonsense. Good night. And Ellie, if I hear you stayed here one more night I’ll ban you from the room all together.”
With that, Mel leaves the room and a silence falls over the two of them.
“She’s right you know,” Abby speaks up when the silence gets to be too much for her.
Ellie finally looks up to her from where she had been staring at the ground.
“Probably,” She says, but she makes no move to leave.
“Come on Ellie, At least one of us deserves a good nights sleep tonight. You can always come back tomorrow.”
Ellie reluctantly stands from the foot of Abby’s bed where she had been most of the day and grabs her bag. “Yeah, I’ll um see you tomorrow then.”
Somehow Abby knows she messed something up. They had been having a great time just being in each others presents and now that Ellie is leaving she doesn’t want their time together to end this way, but at the same time she can’t think of something to say that will turn this around as she watches Ellie leave the room without so much a look back at her.
What can she say though? I don’t want you banned from the room all together, so you better go sleep in your own bed? She thinks.
That would probably have been better than the nothing she said instead, but it’s once again too late to change what she did. All Abby can hope for is that she didn’t mess everything up too badly and that Ellie will come back tomorrow morning.
Her worries turned out to be unfounded as the next day, before Abby even woke up, Ellie snuck back into her room and set up her camp for the day.
When Abby opens her eyes to see Ellie sitting in the only other chair in her room, comic book out and on her lap, she felt stupid for worrying about messing anything up in the first place because what was there to mess up? Nothing.
Ellie would probably do the exact same thing if it was any of their other friends. Abby is no different and nothing special to her.
That doesn’t change the way Abby’s heart rate increases when Ellie looks up at her over the top of her comic and smiles at her.
“Couldn’t stand being away from me?”
Ellie rolls her eyes, “Something like that yeah.”
She digs into her bag and tosses Abby a new book to read and they easily fall into the same routine they had the day before.
*
It is just past lunch time when Ellie comes back from returning their dishes to the dining hall. Instead of returning back to her chair, where she has been all day, she goes to sit at the foot of Abby’s bed.
Abby could tell something was wrong even before she came back into the room. The task of taking the dishes to the dining hall should have only taken her about five minutes, but Ellie had been gone long enough for Abby to think that she might not be coming back at all. The only thing keeping this thought at bay was the fact that Ellie had left her bag sitting in the chair when she went to drop the trays off.
The length of time that she had been gone coupled with her behavior instantly put Abby on edge.
But before Abby could ask what was wrong Ellie spoke in a low whisper. “You ever wonder if we are doing the right thing here?”
Abby furrows her brows at the question, “What do you mean?’
“I just keep thinking back to that boy from the music shop.” Ellie shakes her head. “They're just people trying to survive, just like us.”
Abby’s head lifts to the cracked door and she is out of her bed and across the room in no time. Peeking her head out, she doesn’t see anyone in the hallway. When she comes back into the room she firmly closes the door.
“Don’t let anyone hear you say that,” She says, coming back to the bed and sitting down close to Ellie again. “They attacked you without cause, remember? Before you even had anything to do with the WLF. Just forget about the boy. He’s not important.”
“So you're saying that if you saw him again or other Seraphite children you would kill them without thinking twice about it?”
“I would do what I need to do.”
“Killing a child is never something that needs to happen.”
“We kill them now or when they are older. What difference does it make?” Abby shakes her head not really thinking about what she is saying in the moment.
“Do you even hear yourself Abby?” Ellie pauses for a moment looking Abby in the eye. “Are you really asking what difference it makes killing a child now or when they’re an adult?”
Abby is silent; the sentence she spoke was something she had heard Isaac say many times in the past and never questioned, but now that it was parroted back to her in such a cold voice she hears how it sounds.
“That boy helped me save you on that island. He didn’t have too. He could have killed me. He should have killed me. But he didn’t. He choose to risk his own people attacking him to help me find you. That’s the difference,” Ellie says, “You know I don’t have any issues killing when I am attacked, but there are some lines that you have to draw in the sand for yourself.”
“You’re right,” Abby whispers, “but can you look me in the eye and tell me that they would have the same line? That the kids in the school here would be safe if the Scars attacked us? I might not agree with all of Isaac’s points or plans or methods, but he has kept the people in this Studium safe for a long time.”
Ellie shakes her head, “I don’t know Abby. It was just a question.”
“Be honest with me.” Abby says, grabbing one of her hands, “Are you planning on defecting?’
Ellie looks into Abby’s eyes for a long moment.
Abby holds her breath waiting for her answer as a million thoughts race across Abby’s mind in the seconds before Ellie sighs and shakes her head.
“I’m not going anywhere. I just have had a lot on my mind since the island. I don’t,” Ellie says, pulling her hand back to rub her left pinky and ring finger as she looks anywhere but at Abby, “Last night I had this really weird dream, nightmare, about the kid that’s all. Now I’m being called out on assignment with Nick and Jordan starting tomorrow so, it brought the dream back to mind that’s all.”
“How long?” Abby asks, trying to mentally prepare herself for the answer.
Ellie shrugs, “Rotations have been all screwed up since the battle. Isaac isn’t giving anyone a home by date anymore. Don’t worry about me though, just try to rest up, I’m sure two months will fly by and then you’ll be out there with the rest of us before you know it.”
Abby nods her head and tries to believe that Ellie will still be there when she is field ready again.
* * *
Three weeks go by and Ellie is still not back.
When Abby woke up the day after Ellie left on assignment there was something waiting on the nightstand for her.
Ellie must have drawn it from memory.
There was only ever one time that Abby had even been in the stables when she was there. It was during the time when Ellie was taking all of Adam's farming duties as payment for her tattoo.
It feels like a lifetime ago.
Abby hadn’t even noticed Ellie at first. She never hated farming assignments as much as Ellie seems to and every once in a while she would volunteer to take a few of those assignments for a day or two if she needed to clear her mind and reset.
She didn’t even know Ellie was going to be there at the time or know of her deal with Adam to begin with. But they did spend the day mucking out Shimmer's stall together. Thinking back on the day, Abby can confess that that was probably the most fun she has had while working that assignment.
And now she had a drawing of herself standing in a stall ankle deep in horse shit laughing at something not drawn with the words Happy Late Birthday written across the top of the page in Ellie's handwriting.
Abby looks at that picture now, tucked into the frame of her fathers old painting by her bed along with the polaroid of the two of them from Christmas.
After being released from the Medical Wing, Abby has been switched to mostly kitchen assignments, but if the school needs an extra set of hands she would sometimes be called down to the school instead.
This had happened by accident the first time. Abby had just been walking by when one of the teachers pulled her in and asked her to stay with the kids until she was back. The teacher was gone before Abby could ask any questions and she had 15 little faces looking up at her.
Abby wasn’t even sure what grade or how old these kids were, but they instantly trusted Abby and for around 10 minutes Abby walked around helping them color in shapes until their teacher came back.
Ellie’s words came back to her, ‘So you're saying that if you saw him again or other Seraphite child you would kill them?’
No, she doesn’t think she would kill a Scar child, but she would also die for the kids in this room too. She doesn’t know where that leaves her line in the sand though.
As three weeks become four and Ellie is still not back, the pit that had been in Abby’s stomach since their last conversation starts to grow, but there is nothing she can do about it. She’s still not cleared for any duties outside of the Stadium. The only thing she can do is ask if anyone knows where she is stationed, but no one aside from the injured are coming back from outposts yet. So the only thing Abby knows for sure is that Ellie has not been injured, at least not yet.
During the start of her second month of recovery Abby gets stationed in the Medical Wing.
Despite having a father who was a surgeon, Abby’s only formal medical training was the field wrappings training that everyone goes through inorder to be put on assignments outside the Stadium. So she is not sure how she is going to be able to help them, but at least this will keep her mind off worrying about Ellie more than peeled potatoes ever could
It’s still weird walking into the Medical Wing without being injured. Or at least not being the one getting treatment done. It gave her more time to actually look around in places that patients don’t normally get to see.
One of those places being the break rooms. She finds herself in a break room now staring at a framed piece of paper on the wall just reading it and rereading it.
The Hippocratic Oath.
She had always wondered why her dad would recite random parts of it at even more random parts of the day, but now that she is reading the whole thing herself, she kind of gets it. It was all just reminders.
Reminders that doctors are still just humans.
Reminders that nothing is as easy as it might seem.
As Abby reads she remembers more clearly what parts her dad would quote with a shake of his head after each failed experiment for the cure, “I must not play at god.”
“'I will not be ashamed to say "I know not", nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed…'” Abby mutters out loud during her third read of the oath, “Pff, right and who’s skills were you calling on?”
Her father was always the most senior Doctor in each facility they were stationed at. Everyone called on him to fix their stupid little problems or help make their hard calls and when he had to make the hardest call of all, who did he have to turn to?
Merlene?
Fat luck that gave him.
Some days Abby wishes that the girl had never even shown up. Merlene was convinced she died anyways so what difference did it really make if the girl never came. Abby would never admit this to Mel or even Nora and it feels like a betrayal to her father to admit it to herself, but as she grows up more and more questions swirl in her head about the possibility of the cure ever being able to be made out of the girl's brain in the first place.
Abby can’t guarantee that if her father had gone through with the surgery and it still didn’t work if she would not have ended up losing her father anyways. She doesn’t know how many more failed attempts he could take without it breaking him completely.
She hadn’t thought about the mystery girl in quite some time. How old was she back then?
Fourteen?
Fifteen?
Abby had never even seen the girl or learned her name. All she knew was that Merlene had known her mother at some point. In all the paperwork that Mel still has she was just referred to as the girl or the cure.
They didn’t even really treat her as a person. Maybe that made it easier to make the decisions they had to make.
Abby sighs as she leaves the room, turning the light off on the useless oath hanging on the wall.
One good thing about being assigned to the Medical Wing is that she has more opportunities to check in on Owen then she did before.
He woke up about a week after Ellie left, but his wounds were in such bad condition and he was so out of it with pain meds that he might as well not have been awake at all, but now he was staying awake more and healing nicely.
“Hey,” Abby says, knocking on his door. She walks into the room they have him set up in with a tray of food. The majority of his torso and right arm is still covered in gauze, but he is looking stronger everyday. “How are you feeling?”
“So good. I’m on fire.” A small smile widens on his face until he is laughing at his own stupid joke.
Abby rolls her eyes at him and places his tray on the table overhanging his bed. “Glad your horrible sense of humor wasn’t affected by your injuries.”
“Me too. Can you imagine your life without my dumb jokes?” Owen spares her a look as she opens her mouth to answer, “Don’t actually answer that!”
“Fine, I’ll be nice. But only because you're still recovering.”
“How big of you.” With his less injured arm, he begins to eat.
It’s a simple meal of bite sized pieces of chicken with rice and vegetables that he eats slowly. Abby can tell that he is still in pain, but she also overheard him telling Mel that the pain medicine just knocks him out and that he won’t take it any more during the day.
Abby is quiet for a moment as Owen eats. But something has been on her mind for some time now and she can’t help but ask, “Do you ever regret it?”
Owen puts down his fork to look at her, his eyebrows pulling together, “Regret what?”
“Us… Ending?”
His eyebrows raise. “Do you?”
Abby sighs, shrugging her shoulders. She can’t look at him anymore. “I sometimes think it would be easier if we got back together.”
“Hmm, Nothing good ever comes easy Abby.” Abby can feel his eyes burning a hole through her, but she doesn’t look at him. “What’s this really about? Nora and Ellie have been over for a while now and you haven’t done anything. I can understand not wanting to be the rebound, but this is getting ridiculous Abs.”
“Nora and Ellie got back together. She doesn’t feel the same way about me that I do her.”
“Bullshit.”
“What?” Abby’s head whips up. That was not what Abby thought he was going to say at all.
“You heard me bullshit. Did Ellie tell you that she got back with Nora.”
“No but-”
“Did Nora tell you she got back with Ellie?”
“No but-”
“No But’s. That girl feels something for you. Anyone can see that Abs. So until she’s the one telling you she only sees you as a friend, you still have a shot. Life is too short to be this stupid.”
Abby shakes her head shocked by his outburst, “Okay fine. I’ll ask.”
“Good. Besides, we can’t get back together.” Abby looks at Owen again waiting for whatever he has to say, “I’m dating Mel.”
* * *
Abby is sitting in the dining hall with Mel a few days later when she sees Jordan and Nick walk through the doors. They both look a little worse for wear, but it doesn’t look like anything a good meal and some sleep can’t fix. They must have just gotten back. A burst of excitement courses through her as she stands up and goes to them as they wait in the line for their food.
“Hey guys,” She clasped them on the back. “Where the hell have you two been?”
“Hey Abs.” Nick says, “We were trying to hold down the Wall. Isaac had us lock it up and retreat when some of the guys stationed there left in the night.”
“One of the ones that left was Jack.” Jordan whispers.
“Jack left?” Abby asks.
Jordan and Nick nod their heads somberly. Jack had been in the WLF during its founding days. He helped Isaac run FERDA out of Seattle. To have even him leave must be devastating to Isaac.
“Man, I should grab some food and take it to Ellie. She must have gone straight to bed.” Abby says when they get to the front.
Jordan grabs Abby's arm before she can leave with the wrapped up sandwich. “Ellie isn’t in her room.”
“Ok the Library then. I guess it has been a month and half. She must have reread her comics a hundred times by now.”
Jordan still didn’t let her go. He just shook his head.
“Where is she then?” Abby can feel what is coming, she just doesn’t want him to say the words. Ellie said she wouldn’t defect, but a lot can happen in a month and half.
“Last I heard Isaac wanted to talk with her at the FOB.”
* * *
There isn’t much that Abby can do aside from wait.
Wait for Ellie to come back.
Wait for people to come back from the FOB.
Wait to see if anyone has seen or heard from her.
The only thing keeping Abby semi-sane is the fact that Ellie should be with Manny, if she is at the FOB at all that is, and Abby trusts Manny with her own life so Ellie should be fine.
That doesn’t stop Abby from going to Mel in the Medical Wing every day for a week to try and get cleared for active duty again.
Abby damn near becomes an unofficial English teacher to the sixth graders in her attempt to distract herself from all the possible ways Ellie could be in danger. But even with that, she can not shake the feeling that something very wrong is happening.
And it is eating Abby’s insides up not knowing exactly where Ellie is at all times or if she is safe. The last time she felt this helpless was when she was assigned to a patrol in Salt Lake City and came back to sirens blaring and people running. At that time all Abby could think about was getting to her father and when she did he lay on the floor dead.
Her nightmares have come back in full force, but this time instead of just her father laying there in his blood, Ellie lies next to him. Sometimes when Abby opens the door Ellie is laying there shot through with arrows, other times she hangs from a tree with her stomach slit and her intestines hanging out. Each night the dreams get worse and worse to the point where Abby finds herself sitting in the gym until the sun rises.
Mel has started to notice the bags forming under Abby’s eyes, because of course she does. After each time Abby goes to her to get cleared, Mel tries to give her medicine to help her sleep, but she would rather be able to wake up from the nightmares than be trapped in them. If Abby can just wear herself out enough before going to bed that should create a dreamless sleep, she’s done it before, but she can barely concentrate on anything and the fact that no one has any news about Ellie, even the people who are coming back from the FOB, doesn’t help.
“Hey,” Mel says, pushing over a bottle of white pills. “I know you don’t want these, but just try them for a few nights. Your ribs might be healed, but I can’t clear you for duty if you don’t get some rest. Three nights of good rest that’s all I’m asking and then I’ll clear you. Okay.”
“Okay,” Abby nods her head and takes the bottle off the table, but doesn’t leave the room yet, “How’s Owen doing?”
“He’s doing really well actually. He’ll be starting his PT soon for his arm. Most of the less severe burns have healed nicely. He’ll probably have a pretty nasty scar from it across his back, but he’s lucky to be alive and have all his limbs still attached.”
Abby has made it a habit to check up on Owen whenever she comes to the Medical Wing, but he has not always been there when she goes to see him, so asking Mel first has also become a habit.
Abby nods her head at Mel, “I’ll go see if he wants any company.”
“He would probably really like that. Everyone’s been so busy with everything else going on. We keep getting people coming back from lookouts heavily injured.”
At that, Abby looks to her quickly, but Mel is already shaking her head, “No one’s heard anything about Ellie yet. I’m sorry, I would tell you if they did.”
“No, it’s fine. I know she can take care of herself.”
Mel puts a comforting hand on her shoulder, “It’s okay to worry about her, Abby. I’m worried too. Three days Abby and I’ll get you to the FOB.”
“Thanks Mel.” Abby says watching Mel walk away to deal with much more pressing matters then her and her emotional state.
Abby doesn’t know how long she can take this insurmountable sense of dread that plagues her every time she thinks about where Ellie might be. But, all she can do is tell herself that Ellie will be fine as long as Manny is with her.
This thought is the only thing that gives Abby any kind of peace of mind. Which is why seeing Manny stand at the door of Owen’s room fills her with both happiness and dread.
Manny for his part looks okay except for his right hand which is split at the knuckles like he got into a fist fight before coming back. When he sees her walking up he gives her a nod, but something about him looks different. His lip has a small cut on it that looks most of the way healed and a bruised cheek.
“What happened to you?” Abby asks softly when she is close enough to see that Owen is asleep on his bed.
Manny gives her a crooked smile trying not to disturbed his split lip. “I’ll tell you all about it over a drink.”
Abby looks at her watch, “Come on, I’ll grab us a beer.”
Manny nods and silently follows her out of the Medical Wing. They are both quiet all the way to the dining hall where Abby grabs two beers, before heading to the Library.
They each settle into the lumpy couch and Abby cracks open both of their beers off the table. Passing Manny one, they clink them together and each take a long sip.
Abby fears she knows what he will say, but she has to ask anyway, “Is Ellie back too?”
Manny won’t look her in the eye. “Not yet. Isaac has her on a scouting mission.”
Abby nods her head. A scouting mission isn't bad if you have a good partner who will look out for you and make sure no one gets spotted. “Who does he have her scouting with if not you? They better be good.”
Manny still won’t look at her and for a long moment he doesn’t say anything at all.
“Manny, Who did Isaac assign her with? Are they really that bad?”
Finally, Manny looks up at her. Something in his eyes looks dead. Like he’s seen things he can’t unsee. His eyes look like glass as unshed tears pool at his waterline. “No one… She’s not assigned with anyone.”
Nausea hits Abby like a punch in the stomach.
“Where?” She chokes out, “Where is the scouting mission and how long has it been?”
“The Island,” Manny whispered, “close to a week now.”
Abby is out of her seat and through the Library doors before the words fully register in her mind and she is back in the Medical Wing.
Mel is in the middle of wrapping someone’s arm when Abby throws open the door, but she doesn’t give Mel the time to speak.
“I need you to clear me now. Not in three days.”
“Abby I’m kind of in the middle of something---”
“It’s Ellie. Please Mel. I have to be able to leave.”
“Abby I can’t---”
“She’s on a scouting mission alone on the Island… It’s been a week.”
Mel stops what she’s doing. Letting the wrappings dangle off the table as she stares at Abby. Scouting missions are meant to be short, maybe two day long sprints. Not five days and most certainly not longer than that. The fact that she is not only alone, but also scouting the Island where they were just defeated makes it not only a dangerous mission, but damn near a death sentence and Abby can’t just wait for her to be brought back in a body bag.
Mel nods, “I’ll fill out the paperwork.”
Notes:
Thank you for reading!!!!
I don't know why Abby's POV is so easy for me to write from, but I just can't stay away from it. I tried to lay some crumbs here for the future. We'll have to see if anyone picks up on them. lol
Comments and Kudos are always appreciated and feedback is always welcome.
Preview to next chapter:
It's happening ya'll !!!!! (At the end) But still!
By the end of the next chapter Ellabs will be a whole ass thing. Finally!
You'll just have to wait and see how it happens. lol
Chapter 22: Chapter 22
Summary:
It's happening!
There will be some slightly explicit content towards the end of this chapter. (I think its pretty tastefully done, but I also might be a bit bias because, well I'm the one writing it lol.)
If you want to skip that part it really starts around when Ellie says “Don’t you dare fucking stop now. Abigail.” and pretty much continues to the end of the chapter.
Enjoy!
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
This mission really shouldn’t be as hard as it is. And it wouldn’t be if the Sarephites would stop fucking finding her everywhere she tried to hide.
It was only supposed to be a three day scouting mission not however many days it’s been now, she lost track. And everything had been going off without a hitch until one of the Seraphites spotted her and sent out their high-pitched call.
Technically speaking, she wasn’t really supposed to be engaging in any kind of fighting, this was strictly meant to be an intel gathering mission. She was supposed to just go to the island, mark the map with where the most densely populated areas are, roughly estimate their numbers, and report back to the FOB.
For as hard as it was to track down where the Scars live and mark it down on the map without being seen by one of them, she did make it pretty far into the island before being seen.
Their structures were a collection of simple A-frame buildings and crop houses that could be easily marked from far away, so it wasn’t until she got to the Northern coast line that she started running into trouble. From the outside it looked like a pretty normal town, but it must have been special to them. That or they are just still on high alert after the attack and had frequent patrols rotating both close to the settlement and in waves more inland where their crops and cattle are. Why Isaac sent her out here to do this only a few short months after the failed attack she doesn’t know, but if there was one thing she learned well at the FERDA Military School, it was that it’s best not to question the higher ups too much.
Now Ellie has been running and hiding all over the Island for who knows how many days just trying to make it back to the southern shore line where she swam in. She was getting close, but at every turn there were more Scars waiting for her right when she thought she might be safe. Her short rest is interrupted again by arrows flying through the air and their whistles sounding all around her.
Ellie isn’t sure how many she has killed in this particular confrontation or how many are still left in the area. What she does know is that if she doesn’t get out of this situation fast she will end up just like those three WLF soldiers that are probably still hanging up with their intestines falling out of their stomachs. One of her greatest failures on this mission was not being able to save any of them when she came across them on one of her first nights on the Island. She doesn’t even know how long they had been hanging there for. Maybe since the invasion.
The thought of Abby hanging up there with them enters her mind, but she quickly pushes it down. Abby is fine. Abby is safe.
Safer than Ellie is at the moment, that’s for sure.
Ellies hides low in the tall grass evaluating her situation and injuries so far. One good thing did come from being in her predicament though. She can almost guess what the different whistles mean now. There are still a handful of Scars searching for her based on the tones and length of the whistles, but as she listens to them she knows that they can’t find where she disappeared to.
Recentering herself she aims her stolen bow at the head of a nearby Scar.
She holds her breath in her chest.
Shoots.
Hits.
The Scar goes down quietly and Ellie crawls forward on her belly to retrieve her arrow. When she gets to the Scar she can see that this is no nameless person in a hood.
It’s Jack.
Ellie has been on countless assignments at the Wall with him. She knew he had been a part of the WLF for years and to see him here in a Sarephite’s hood and fresh cuts on his face freezes her in place.
Her momentary shock keeps her paused crouched there long enough for one of the other Scars to finally see her and callout to the others without her noticing until it’s too late.
The only warning she has for what comes next is one short high-pitched piercing whistle before an arrow shoots through the muscle of her right calf. A pained scream leaves her throat and she no longer cares about being quiet. Taking out her pistol she starts to shoot at the last few Scars around her as she moves for cover. With each step she takes on her injured leg an electric shock shoots through her body, but if she stops she’s more than likely dead.
She isn’t sure she got them all when she hides behind a tree, but she can’t hear any whistling anymore. Her leg is throbbing and she can damn well hear her own blood rushing through her veins.
Tearing the right leg of her jeans with her pocketknife, she sees the arrow sticking through the meat of her leg and blood trickling from the wound in a more steady stream then is strictly healthy.
“Shit.” Ellie says, taking off her belt. She is pretty sure it was once Abby’s, but she stole it early on in her stay with the WLF. An action she is now extremely grateful of.
She will not die here by this tree. Ellie wraps the belt high around her thigh and tightens it as much as she can to create a tourniquet. She then ties the ripped fabric of her jeans around the wound and arrow as best she can to keep dirt out of it. When the blood stops pouring from her wound as much Ellie sighs in relief, but it's short lived.
She knows she should be getting up. Get up, swim to the mainland, and find Shimmer again. Isaac can suck it if he thinks she would stay out here like this.
That is what she should do.
But all she can think about is Abby...
Abby...
Abby...
If she closes her eyes, Ellie thinks she can see her in her mind's eye. It would totally be worth whatever temporary bliss she might find in a relationship with Abby, if Ellie could just stand up.
If she could stand up, she could find the beach.
If she could find the beach, she could swim to the mainland.
If she could swim to the mainland, she could find Shimmer.
If she could find shimmer, she could go to Abby...
Abby...
Abby...
If she can find Abby, Ellie swears she will kiss her and tell her how she feels about her and even if it doesn’t last or Abby rejects her, it would still be worth it every step of the way.
All she has to do is stand up.
And she does.
Using the tree for support Ellie pulls herself up.
That is when she sees him. Arrow drawn and hood up covering his face.
Ellie can’t even reach for her pistol without losing her balance and falling.
This is it.
She won’t be able to talk to Abby again.
Or Joel.
The desire to talk to him again hits her unexpectedly, harder and more painful than any bullet or arrow could ever be. There are too many things to say to him. Too many things to listen to.
Just too many emotions she feels when she thinks of him that she has tried to push down every time they pop up. But now, looking her death in the eye, she can't anymore and they all come flooding back in.
But the Scar doesn’t shoot. Instead he lowers his weapon and pulls down his hood.
“Lev?” Ellie asks before collapsing against the tree and sliding down the bark until she is sitting again.
“Ellie.” Lev says running to her side.
“What are you doing here Lev. You shouldn’t be here.”
“You’re right I shouldn’t, but I’m glad I am. Here, put your arm around me.” Lev tries to pull her up to standing again.
“We really have to stop running into each other like this.” Ellie tries to joke, but doesn't move from her spot against the tree.
“Yeah maybe next time we won’t have to run so much. Now put your arm around me.”
Ellie shakes her head, “You shouldn’t help me Lev. I just killed all those people. Your people. How can you still want to help me?”
“I choose my people.” Lev says, getting down to her level. “Those men aren’t my people. You are. And you need to get help before you bleed out. So give me your arm.”
Ellie nods, finally wrapping her arm around Lev’s shoulder as he helps her stand up again.
For someone so small, Lev takes the majority of her weight well as they start walking.
“Where did you leave your boat?” He asks.
“I swam here actually.”
“Swam? You must be a pretty good swimmer.”
“Yeah, Joel taught me.” She mutters. She doesn’t know why she said his name. She hasn’t dared to say his name out loud since coming to Seattle. Maybe it’s because Ellie is feeling a bit delirious right now, or maybe it’s simply because she hasn’t talked about him in so long that now everything is boiling over and she can’t just not talk about him anymore.
“Joel? Is he a wolf too.”
Ellie laughs weakly, “Nah. Joel isn’t here. He’s in this place called Jackson, Wyoming.”
“Jackson, Wyoming? Where is that? Wait, sit here for a moment.” Lev says, placing her behind a boulder just inside the tree line of the forest. Ellie can smell the ocean. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move and remember you’re going to tell me about Jackson, Wyoming when I get back.”
Ellie hums, but doesn’t see where he went off to. Looking down at her leg she sees blood seeping through the makeshift bandage. Ellie slowly blinks her eyes a few times trying to keep them open. With each blink Ellie knows that more and more time has passed between when she first closed them to when she re-opens them. She sees Lev return carrying something in his arms. There might have been two people when he came back or maybe she is seeing double, but she can tell he is doing something to her leg. Everything feels so far away as she blinks again and they are gone. She must have fallen asleep for too long as the next thing she knows Lev is shaking her awake.
“Ellie. Ellie.” Lev shakes her awake, “Tell me about this Jackson, Wyoming and Joel.”
Lev helps her stand up again when she opens her eyes and together they walk towards the ocean where a rowboat rests on the beach. Where it came from Ellie doesn’t ask as he helps her get in and she lays down in the bottom.
“Wyoming? It’s great actually. You’d probably like it a lot, all you really need to worry about is the infected.” Ellie says weakly. She knows Lev is just trying to keep her awake with his questions and she finds she doesn’t mind sharing her old home with him. “No one making a war out of some land or anything. They barely get any hunters running through. And it has these amazing mountains. It’s beautiful.”
“Sounds nice.”
“It is.”
“What about Joel?”
“Joel is… Joel. I don’t really know how to explain him really. He's an asshole, but I know he cares. He just has a funny way of showing it sometimes.”
“Why’d you leave?”
Ellie is quiet for a moment, “I don’t even know anymore. I wanted to find the Fireflies and help make a cure. So that no one would have to die from being infected anymore, but Joel took that from me. And now I don’t really know what I’m doing, but I know I can’t just go back and pretend like he didn’t do what he did.”
“Fireflies?” Lev asks.
“Yeah they were this group that were going to create a cure. But most of them were killed. He killed them. Joel killed them. And now all that hope is lost and I’m just here useless.”
Lev quietly rows for a long moment. “Maybe he has his reasons. Maybe you couldn’t really help these Fireflies make a cure, but that doesn't mean your useless now.”
“Lev?”
“Yeah?”
Ellis isn’t sure why, maybe it’s because she very well might die in this boat with him, but she just has to tell someone before she goes. She already told him about Joel so it feels like she can’t stop the words from leaving her mouth. “I don’t get infected when I’m bitten or when I breathe sores.”
Ellie raises her tattooed arm into the air.
Lev looks between her arm and her eyes, “Okay.”
“That’s it?”
“Yeah," Lev says, "That’s it.”
The boat pushes up onto the sand on the mainland.
“How did you get here from your village?” Lev asks, getting out of the boat and pulling it up further onto the sand bar, before going back to her side.
He doesn't believe her. Why should he?
“My horse,” Ellie mutters slowly, “Shimmer, she should be close. This is where I swam over. I tied her up not far from that piece of string.”
“Okay,” Lev says, helping her to sit up. “Stay here, I’ll get her. And please try to stay awake.”
Ellie nods from inside the boat as he runs off.
Looking down she notices that her right leg is different. The arrow is gone and in its place is a real bandage wrapped around her leg and when she peeks below the wrappings she can see that Lev must have stitched her up as best he could. Her tourniquet is also different, better, tighter than when she had originally done it.
It doesn’t take long for Lev to come back with Shimmer’s reins in his hands and Ellie has never been more happy to see her.
She had finally gotten permission to take her on assignments when she was stationed at the Wall with Jordan and Nick all those weeks ago. It made it easier for her to sneak up on the Scars that were in the area until she was called to the FOB and given this mission. What a first mission to go on with her.
Lev once again helps her to stand up and she is able to get out of the boat and onto the horse with his assistance.
“Where’s your nearest camp?” Lev asks as Ellie leans her tired body on Shimmer’s neck.
“Um. That way.” Ellie points blinking her eyes open when they want to close again. “It’s not far. Lev you need to get out of here. If there are any Scars around you can’t let them see you helping me. I’ll be okay.”
“Don’t worry about that. I told them that I saw you heading North.” Lev mutters. “Yara is leading everyone that way, no one’s here to see me.”
Ellie lets out a small weak laugh, “Smart kid.”
At some point Ellie must have closed her eyes for longer than she thought. When she opens her eyes next, Lev has Shimmer's reins in his hand and is walking in the general direction of the Radio Station.
She blinks again and they are much closer than they should be if it was really just a blink.
“Stop.” Ellie says weakly, then stronger, “Stop!”
Lev turns back to her.
“You can’t go any further Lev. They’ll kill you before they even see me.” Ellie says, sliding off the horse and landing hard on her good leg.
Lev runs around to where she fell. “What are you doing?”
“Here, get on Shimmer.”
“What?”
“Do you know how to ride a horse?”
“Of course I do, but---”
“Get on the horse Lev. Go home. Before a patrol comes out and sees you. We’re really close, I'll be fine.” Ellie says not giving him much of a choice as she clumsily hoists Lev up on the saddle, turning Shimmer around back to where they came from, and slaps her butt to get her moving.
“Promise to take good care of her for me,” She says as Shimmer starts a slow gallup.
Lev nods, looking back at her for as long as he can until he is forced to turn around and guide Shimmer through the trees.
Ellie leans against a tree trunk for, she doesn’t know how long. Her leg still throbs, but at least she can still feel it. That has to be a good sign.
She slides down the trunk of the tree without really realizing it. She knows she won’t be able to get back up on her own, but she can hear footsteps crunching on branches and leaves so she is less worried about the possibility of dying now.
“Hey!” Ellie yells as loud as she can, “I’m a Wolf don’t shoot. My name’s Ellie Williams.”
“Ellie?”
“Whitney?” Ellie smiles sleepily at her friend. “Hey,” She blinks slowly, weakly, “It’s good to see you.”
When she blinks next she doesn’t have the energy to open her eyes again.
______
“Where exactly did you send her?” Abby asks as she enters Issac’s office in the FOB a little more forcefully then what could be considered respectful.
Truthfully, Mel and Manny had to convince her not to go straight to the Scars Island herself. Saying that she would be labeled as MIA at best and a deserter at worst if she didn’t at least go to the FOB first and get permission to go on a rescue mission for Ellie. And other than the knowledge that Ellie was sent somewhere on the island, Abby doesn’t really know enough to be able to find her on her own anyways. Which is why Abby finds herself standing in front of Isaac’s desk after barging into his office.
Isaac barely lifts his head from the maps laid out in front of him. “Well hello Abby. It’s nice to see you fully recovered.”
“I don’t need the pleasantries, Isaac. Where exactly did you send her and what is she doing there?” Abby has never spoken to him like this before. She has alway respected him as a leader, someone that deserves loyalty and trust. Someone not to second guess or crossed, but right now all that fades away.
He finally looks up at her, his eyes narrowing. “Who are you talking about Abby?”
“Who else would I be talking about? Ellie! Manny said you sent her out on a scouting mission to the Island alone and she hasn’t come back yet . It’s been a week, Isaac. Scouting missions at minimum should have at least two people. Those are your words, remember?”
Isaac looks back down at the maps on his desk. Abby takes a breath trying to calm the rage boiling inside her at the action.
“I don’t need my own words parroted back at me.” He says dismissively, “And that was before I learned that there was a mole in our ranks, funneling me false information for years about the island and its people. We need an accurate map and intel if we have any hope of winning this war. Ellie has been the only one that proves to be competent and discreet enough to be able to get on and off the island without being detected, as evident by being the only one to even attempt to get you out of there in one piece. So yes, I sent her out and told her to tell no one. In order to keep her safe. If there are more moles in our ranks and her mission got out, then they would be waiting for her. It is not that I don’t trust the whole of the Salt Lake Crew, but she shouldn’t have even told Manny about her mission.”
Abby is quiet for a long moment thinking. His voice barely showed any emotions throughout his whole speech. It was cold and calculating.
Detached.
“You should have sent Manny with her.” Abby says.
Isaac sighs looking back up from his maps, “She actually expressly asked for Manny not to come. In fact, she insisted that the plan would work better if she went alone, but you don't need to worry about Ellie.”
Abby shakes her head. Something just isn’t making sense in her head. Why would Ellie insist on going alone? Abby knew she could be a bit head strong at times, but she isn’t an idiot. Unless she had lied to her and really was planning on leaving. Defecting. Going back to wherever it is she came from, “The fuck I don’t-”
“You don’t,” Isaac interrupts, “Because along with the fact that she damn near volunteered to go on the mission alone she was just found near the Radio Station a day and a half ago. She should still be there.”
Fear courses through her body at his words.
“Alive?” She asks.
Issac tips his head to the side, “I didn’t know you two had grown so close.”
Abby swallows thickly and chokes out, “We’re roommates.”
“Right,” Issac looks Abby up and down once. Sighing he says, “The Radio Station does need an extra hand to transport supplies as well as an alive Ellie back to the Stadium. I suppose you would be interested in the assignment?”
Abby nobs her head, shoulders finally relaxing since she first heard of Ellie's assignment.
Issac waves his hand in dismissal with a short, “I’ll be in touch about upcoming assignments in two weeks time.”
Abby nods her head once, turning to leave his office, but before she can make it to his door he calls out to her again, “Don’t ever barge into my office like that again. I wouldn’t be as lenient as this next time.”
“Yes Sir.” She says as she leaves his office.
Abby’s relationship with Isaac has always been a bit more than just soldier and commander. When Abby and the others first joined, Isaac didn’t really take that much notice of them. Just another fractured group to take in, but Abby quickly rose through the ranks to become something of an unofficial fourth in command. As she proved herself, she started to be included in some minor meetings. Isaac would sometimes brief her about the meetings before they started or she would stay after and they would go over what ideas worked and why others didn’t. She learned never to question him in front of the other people during these meetings, but when they were alone he used to encourage her to question him so that he could explain his way of thinking to her. She had heard whispers that Isaac had been training her to take over the WLF when he finally felt that it was time for him to step down. Abby isn’t sure she believes them. She believes it less now as she walks through the halls of the FOB. Something has definitely changed in him since even before the invasion, but at least he is still affording her some liberties.
Like now, how she is allowed to leave to go to the Radio Station after barging into his office. She knows that not just anyone could get away with that.
All Abby can think about as she travels from the FOB to the Radio Station is how she is going to kill Ellie for fucking volunteering to do a fucking scouting mission by herself.
Sure at first when she left the FOB, Abby was relieved after hearing that she was alive, but as she gets closer to the Radio Station, her emotions are all over the place.
When she gets to the Radio Station she is still worried out of her mind, which is annoying considering how angry she is at the same time. A confusing combination of feelings for one person to have, for sure.
The question of where Ellie is leaves her mouth almost as soon as they open the door for her, but she barely waits for anyone to answer before she is pushing her way through to where she knows they keep their injured at this base.
The Radio Station used to have about fifteen people guarding it at all times, now it barely has five and that just spikes her worry even more, her anger taking a backseat for now. For almost two days now Ellie has been here in who knows what kind of condition.
When Abby bursts through the door though, the anger is back in full force. Because there Ellie is in the baggies basketball shorts that Abby has ever seen and a gray oversized hoodie, sitting on a light gray couch hunched over Whitney's PS Vita as Whitney herself sits next to her on the arm of the couch coaching her through a level like it is just any other day. The only indication that she is at all injured is her right leg being probed up on some pillows and a large bandage wrapped around her calf.
At the sound of Abby coming in they both look up.
A smile lights up Ellie’s face that almost stamps out the fire burning in Abby. But she looks back down at her game too soon and her smile drops, “Oh shit, I died."
And Abby’s anger spikes.
“What in the ever fucking hell do you think you are doing?” Abby yells.
“Um, I think I have to go.” Whitney says, grabbing her PS from Ellie’s hands as she runs out the door.
“Well, I thought I was playing a game, but guess I’m not anymore?” Ellie watches Whitney retreat out the door, before focusing her gaze to Abby, “Who peed in your cereal this morning?”
“You did. When I learned that you went on a scouting mission alone. At first I was just angry at Isaac for sending you, but then he said that you fucking volunteered. What the hell were you thinking, not at least taking Manny with you?”
“Volunteered is a bit strong of a word to use, don’t you think?”
“Too strong of a word,” Abby yells, “What the fuck Ellie. What were you thinking?”
“I was thinking that Manny needed a break from fucking torturing the Seraphites all day and the only way to do that was to go on this stupid scouting mission alone.” Ellie matches Abby’s tone, “Isaac wanted the Scar’s Island marked; he didn’t care who did it. Why send more people than he needs to, right?”
“Why send more people than he needs to? Was that his words or yours? You’ve been gone for a fucking week and Manny just came back to the Stadium not even a day ago. Care to explain that?” With each sentence Abby gets a little closer to the couch until she is standing right in front of Ellie looking down at her.
“It was a lot of ground to cover.” Ellie shrugs, leaning back on the couch to not crane her neck when she looks up at Abby, “Isaac told me that he was sending Manny back to the Stadium when I set out. Something must have happened. I can’t control when people get sent back home, but I can control not being in their way when the opportunity presents itself.”
Ellie pauses a moment to look Abby in the eye. Her voice is softer when she says, “Manny’s been out at the FOB since the invasion failed, Abby. I’ve seen how badly he’s sleeping nowadays. Trust me, having him on this mission would have been a lot worse than not having him at all. At least I didn’t have to worry about another person while I was busy worrying about myself.”
The anger fades from Abby’s body leaving her weak legged as she sinks to her knees in front of where Ellie sits on the couch. Ellie slowly slides her propped up leg down, reaching a hand to cup Abby’s cheek and wiping away the tears that have gathered there.
Abby leans her head more firmly into Ellie’s hand on her cheek, bringing her own hand up to insure that Ellie doesn’t take it away as she closes her eyes.
Ellie makes no attempt to move away as her other hand comes up to cup Abby’s other cheek.
“Promise me,” Abby whispers, her eyes still closed resting her cheek against Ellie’s palms. “That you won’t go off alone again. Next time you go somewhere… anywhere. I go too.”
Abby feels movement in front of her, but she doesn't open her eyes. Something soft presses against Abby‘s forehead so lightly that she questions if it happened at all until she feels Ellie’s forehead rest on her own.
“Okay, I promise,” Ellie whispers.
Abby can feel Ellie’s breath so close to her own mouth and she doesn’t think as she bridges the gap between their lips.
She doesn’t think as her free hand, the one that had been resting on Ellie’s knee, travels up to cup the back of Ellie’s neck bringing her closer to Abby’s lips. As close as she can get them, like she might be able to tuck Ellie into her body and keep her safe there, if only she can get them close enough.
She isn’t thinking when she feels Ellie’s own hand shift to the back of her neck pulling her forward until Ellie is leaning back on the couch, forcing Abby to crawl forward and up on top of her in order not to break the contact of their lips.
She can’t think of anything except Ellie’s soft, yet slightly chapped lips on hers as she silently asks for entrance with her tongue, which Ellie readily grants.
It is not until Ellie grasps in pain that Abby’s brain finally switches back on and she stands abruptly.
“God are you okay,” Abby’s eyes widen as she takes in Ellie’s kiss swollen lips, tousled hair, and slightly dazed expression.
What the fuck did I just do? Abby thinks, frozen in her stance.
Ellie looks down as she starts to rub the skin near the bandages of her right leg. “I’m fine, but I think whatever pain meds they have me on have worn off.”
What did I just do? Abby is pretty sure she could pass out right then and there as she looks at Ellie. She should not have just done that. What is wrong with me, coming in here and yelling at her like that only to turn around and just kiss her like that. And she’s injured no less. Not to mention the whole Nora thing.
“Fuck, I’m so… I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have…” Abby shakes her head, not able to look at Ellie at all before she is out the door.
______
“What the actual fuck.” Ellie says out loud to no one as the door closes behind Abby.
Ellie tries to think back to what could have possibly set her off. Ellie thought they were on the same page, but now she isn’t even sure they're on the same book. What the fuck did Abby have to apologies for? Ellie had been the one to initiate the kiss in the first place so if one of them should be sorry it should have been her.
Right?
But Ellie swears Abby was as into it that kiss as she was. So why run away from her?
To say that Ellie is pissed would be an understatement. Hurt leg be damned she can’t let Abby just fucking leave like that.
Grabbing the pair of crutches that Whitney found for her, Ellie hops out of the room as fast as she can.
Looking both ways, she can’t tell which direction Abby could have gone, but she does see someone standing down the hall.
“Hey did you see Abby come out here?” She asks hopping out to them.
“Um, Yeah.” They point down the hall, “I think I saw her duck into the bathroom. Is everything ok?”
“Yeah we’re fine.” Ellie waves them off as she makes her way over.
The person, whose name Ellie is sure she should remember, shrugs and leaves to continue doing whatever it was they were doing. There isn’t usually anyone even down this hallway since Isaac cut the amount of people based here, so Ellie is just happy that someone saw where Abby disappeared to so she doesn’t have to check every room in her state.
Ellie finally manages to make it to the bathroom with her slightly too small crutches.
When she opens the door Abby is bent over the sink, holding herself up by her locked out arms. Her eyes are closed as water drips from her face, like she just finished throwing water on it.
She looks beautiful, even in the horrible bathroom lighting and if there is even the slightest possibility that she could feel the same things for Ellie as she does for her then she can’t just let this change disappear.
But that doesn’t stop Ellie from being pissed. “What the fuck Abby? You can’t just kiss me like that and then fucking run away from me. What is wrong with you?”
Abby jumps at the sound of her voice. Eye’s opening wide to view Ellie in the mirror before she whips around to face her. “What are you doing? You shouldn’t be walking around on your leg.”
“Yeah well someone decided to be a fucking dick now didn’t they?” Ellie says, taking a step closer to her with her crutches. “We could be having this conversation on the couch, but no. You had to go run away.”
Abby doesn’t move from her place in front of the sink. Her eyes are wide as she stares at Ellie.
Ellie takes another step forward with her crutches, but this time one of them slips on a slick part of the tile. Before she is able to fall onto her wounded leg, strong arms wrap around her waist holding her up as her crutches fall away.
Ellie looks up at Abby holding her against her chest, “Are you going to finish what you started or what?”
Ellie pleads with her eyes for Abby to do something.
Anything.
She won’t force a kiss on her again, but she can hope.
Right when Ellie is about to give up and pull away, something shifts in Abby’s eyes and the gap between them is bridged.
This kiss is different then one they shared in Ellie’s room. Abby’s lips fight Ellie’s own for dominance. Something Ellie would have gladly given her if she wasn’t still kind of pissed at her for running away. So Ellie doesn’t make it easy on her.
Hands grasp and pull at hair and body in equal measure.
And the sounds.
Ellie could spend all day trying to see what other kinds of noises she could get Abby to make and not once get tired of it. Abby starts to move them, lifting Ellie up into her strong arms as Ellie wraps her good leg around her waists. Ellie has always admired her strength in a way that had nothing at all to do with respecting her dedication to the gym. And if Ellie can now reap the rewards of Abby’s effort she is definitely not complaining.
Ellie isn’t sure where they are going until she feels the hard counter of the sink as Abby sets her down between faucets.
Ellie’s injured leg throbs as Abby knocks into it again and she pulls away slightly with a hiss
“Careful, my leg.” Ellie whispers, resting her head against Abby’s forehead again to catch her breathe.
“Sorry---” Abby shifts back a little too fast that Ellie fears she is about to bolt out the room again, but she grasps Abby firmly by the back of her neck.
“Don’t,” Ellie interrupts in a low husky voice, barely above a whisper. She won’t just let her go again. “Don’t you dare fucking stop now. Abigail.”
Ellie threads her good leg through Abby’s open stance, wrapping it around one of Abby’s legs in the process and brings her as close as she is able to get her.
It is like the action flips a switch in Abby and their lips meet again in a hungry battle of teeth and tongue.
Hands run up and down Ellie’s body until she feels Abby's calloused palms on the skin of her lower back. The rough texture sends a shiver of pleasure right to her core. Abby pauses as Ellie pulls away just long enough to rip her own hoodie off her body to give Abby easier access to run her hands over her.
When Abby doesn’t immediately come back to her, Ellie pulls back to see what stopped her only to discover Abby staring at her bare chest having not been wearing a shirt or bra underneath it when Abby barged into the room earlier.
A slow smile graces Ellie’s lips as she leans forward to lightly bite at Abby’s ear.
“Off,” she whispers as she tugs at the hem of Abby’s dark gray T-shirt.
Whatever spell Abby had been under breaks and Abby’s shirt also disappears quickly from her body, leaving her in just her black bra and cargo pants. Ellie has never seen a more beautiful sight.
A hand wraps around the base of Abby’s braid and with a light tug her head pulls back exposing her neck to Ellie’s attack and the moan that leaves Abby’s throat will be ingrained in Ellie’s mind forever.
Ellie’s free hand maps out the hard ridges of Abby’s stomach and the planes of her back until she reaches the clasp of her bra, freeing her breasts from their restraints with one hand and she lets the bra fall to the floor with little regard.
But Abby doesn’t let her stay in control for long. Ellie feels Abby’s rough hands tug her hips forward on the counter until her butt rests right on the edge. Ellie’s left knee is bracketed by Abby’s thighs and she raises her knee to grind against Abby’s core, as her teeth lightly bear down on Abby’s neck pulling another moan from deep within her throat.
Abby is clearly done being played with and starts to fight for dominance in her counterattack of Ellie’s ear, jaw, chin, then finally neck, but she doesn’t stop there. With a quick nip at Ellie’s neck, returning the attention Ellie previously gave hers, Abby continues kissing and sucking down her body, forcing Ellie to lean back against the cold mirror to accommodate the journey of Abby’s lips on her skin.
Ellie isn’t sure where Abby is wanting to go, but she will let her go anywhere as long her lips and hands never leave her body. The destination she soon finds out are the two mounds on her chest.
Ellie throws her head back, hitting her head harder on the mirror than she meant to, but she barely even registers the pain as Abby’s lips find their target on one mound. Ellie can still feel rough calloused hands roaming her body freely, but she loses track of exactly where each hand is as one of them finds her other mound, pinching and rolling the bud around in her fingers until all Ellie can think and feel is Abby's mouth and hands on her breasts.
It is not until Ellie feels the other hand moving lower on her body that she realizes what Abby is trying to do as her hand glides lower still, finding it’s way inside the wide pant leg of her baggy basketball shorts, before gliding slowly back up her leg again until it find it's goal at her core. Abby has the gall to look up at her with hooded eye from her spot on her chest and Ellie can’t take it anymore, pulling Abby up by the grip she still has on Abby’s braid. Wrapping it tighter around her wrist as she brings their lips together again. Abby’s hand wraps around Ellie’s waist holding her close as her other hand continues to work it’s magic from it’s new home between her legs.
“Fuck Abby,” Ellie breaths into her mouth as she comes up for air, “Where the fuck did you learn this.”
Abby breathes out a laugh catching Ellie’s lips in a soft bite before she pulls away, “Do you really want to know the answer to that?”
“Not really,”
Their lips crash back together.
Ellie’s uninjured knee rocks onto Abby’s core trying to give Abby even a fraction of the feeling she is giving Ellie with her hands, until Ellie is coming undone and she no longer has any control over her legs for a moment. Her hand somehow pulls Abby’s hair even tighter. It is only when Ellie hears a final moan from Abby and feels her body sag onto her on the counter that Ellie finally releases her hair from the death grip she had it in.
Ellie can barely feel her own legs so she can’t imagine how Abby is still standing even if she is mostly leaning her weight onto Ellie and the counter. Ellie smooths down Abby’s hair, running her fingers through the braid waved locks. The band that had kept her hair in its braid must have fallen out at some point, but Ellie can’t bring herself to care that much at the moment. Ellie can’t bring herself to care about a lot of things at the moment.
All Ellie can focus on is the fact that Abby is here with her right now and that is what matters most. And Ellie will enjoy her time with Abby for as long as she possibly can.
Hugging Abby’s head close to her chest as she leans back against the mirror Ellie whispers into her hair, “Best birthday ever.”
Abby pulls back to look up at her, “You mean I beat space and dinosaurs?”
Ellie lightly pushes Abby’s head over, “Don’t fucking push it.”
Notes:
😳👀
**cough cough** Welp that happened.
Thank you so much for reading!
Not going to lie this was a little daunting for me to write, but I hope you all liked my first foray into writing more spicy material and please let me know if you are wanting to see more of this kind of thing in the coming chapters.
If so I'll try and keep it at this level of spicy (If that is okay) because I don't really want to change the rating to E. I'll be adding in the tags what chapters have more explicit content though.
Anyways comments and Kudos are always appreciated and feedback is always welcome!!
Preview to next chapter:
Ellabs.
That's it!
Just some good old fashioned fluff for a few chapters.
Abby takes Ellie to back home to the Stadium and Mel checks out the extent of her injuries.
Chapter 23: Chapter 23
Summary:
Ellabs Time.
We get some flirty Ellie and bashful Abby.
Enjoy!
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“A book,” Abby says after a long while.
Ellie hums still a little too blitzed out to piece together what exactly Abby is talking about. Her fingers still run through Abby’s hairs as she leans against the counter with her head nestled on Ellie’s chest.
“I learned it from a book,” Abby says, raising her hand to show off the motion her fingers made inside of Ellie, not even thirty minutes ago.
Ellie’s face reddens as she grabs Abby’s hand quickly, stopping her from continuing the display, “What book could you have possibly read to teach yourself that?”
“Um,” Abby has the gall to look bashful after what they just did before saying, “Remember that bookstore? The one with the rainbows all around it? And that book I was looking at?”
Ellie pulls her in close again, pressing a steering kiss to Abby’s lips before breaking it off purposefully too soon, “You’re such a fucking nerd.”
“Who are you called a nerd here? Miss, let me tell you everything I know about Mars in thirty seconds or less. Besides, don't act like you didn’t love it.” Abby says, eyes hooded as she leans back into her.
Unfortunately, they don’t have the space for Ellie to teach her something she can’t learn in a book. Ellie also doesn’t have the pain medicine it requires to do what she really wants to do in her current state.
She really tries not to make a pained sound as Abby kisses her, but one still breaks free from her lips. Abby stands up fully, having fully recovered the use of her legs again, and breaks their kiss off much too soon for Ellie’s liking.
Ellie misses the weight of Abby on her chest as she moves away, but can’t deny enjoying the view of Abby’s topless form kneeling down to check the bandages on her leg.
“I think you might have torn the stitches,” Abby says, running a finger lightly alongside the place where Ellie’s blood can be seen through her wrappings.
“Yeah well who's fault is that, hmm?” Ellie damn near slurs out, still extremely relaxed in her post-cordial bliss.
Ellie’s never been on the receiving end quite like that before. Sure Nora was relatively giving in that department when she remembered, but it was always as an afterthought. Always something they did after Nora came down enough to realize that Ellie hadn’t arrived yet, if she hadn’t already fallen asleep. It had never bothered Ellie that much before, always preferring to be on the more giving side of things. Always wanting to offer some reason to stay.
Some reason to stop asking so many questions.
Being on this side of things was strange, but not unwanted. And it was only strange because Ellie couldn’t quite reciprocate the way she wanted to with her leg the way it is at the moment.
Ellie finally regains enough strength to sit up and see what Abby is doing with her leg. There isn’t really much that she is able to do with it in the bathroom, but she stays crouched there anyways looking lost in thought.
“Sorry I can’t really return the favor right now,” Ellie says leaning forward, elbows on her thighs as she messages her left pinky.
Abby looks up at her, head tilting to the side with eyebrows pulling together in confusion.
And lord what a sight she makes. Ellie thinks, looking down at her.
“Return what favor?”
“You know.” Ellie really doesn’t want to have to spell it out for her. “I’m not really supposed to be putting that much weight on my leg yet. At least not until I get back to the Stadium and someone checks it out. So I can’t really make you feel as good as you did me. At least not right now. Not the way I want to.”
“Hang on, you think you didn’t make me feel good when we were…” Abby trails off, letting out a short breathy laugh as she shakes her head, “Ellie you have no idea how good that was for me. So if you think for one moment that I didn’t get off with what we did you’d be dead wrong.”
Abby stands back up from her spot on the ground, bringing her hands up to cradle Ellie's face, “I mean I’d love to do it again. When you are, you know less injured. Then maybe I’ll let you try your hand, but it’s kind of fun watching you fall apart.” Abby brings her in close for a quick kiss. “But, that door is not locked and the fact that no one came in here with all the noise you were making is a miracle.”
“All that noise I was making?” Ellie says, pushing Abby playfully away. “You have got to be kidding me. You were the one moaning so fucking loud that I’m pretty sure they could hear you on the Island. Hand me my hoodie, you don’t deserve to see my tits anymore.”
Abby laughs as she helps Ellie put her hoodie back on. Not seeming like she even cares that she is still topless.
Abby quickly re-braids her hair as she looks around for her bra and top. When they are both, unfortunately, fully clothed again she helps Ellie hobble back to her room. They don’t pass anyone in the hallway and Ellie can’t decide if that means that no one heard them in that bathroom or if everyone heard them and they are now steering clear of them. There were only five people guarding such a large building so it could very likely be that no one was around.
At least Ellie can hope that is the case.
There is a small part of Ellie that can’t fucking believe that just happened. Not only that, but Abby is acting completely normal with her about it all, like this is something she does all the time.
Ellie can see the way some of the girls at the Stadium look at Abby, she’s not blind. She just never thought Abby noticed, but maybe she did. Ellie hadn’t even thought that Abby liked girls like that until Mel threatened her and based on what Abby just did to her, Ellie is having a hard time believing that she could have learned all that by just reading a book.
But regardless of whether she has been with other women or not, she is here with Ellie now and more importantly she doesn’t seem to regret what they did together either. If Ellie could just turn off her brain and stop imagining all ways this could end horribly and just enjoy her time with Abby that would be great.
It helps that Abby is rather cute as she fusses over her when they get back to where Ellie has been staying for the last two days. After Whitney found her and cleaned her wounds a bit more she had been relegated to the bed since she woke up. She had only just got her crutches that morning, after Whitney went everywhere looking for them, making it possible for her to move around again by herself.
The first thing Abby did after sitting Ellie down on the bed was to look for clean bandages and thread. She again kneels down in front of Ellie and begins unwrapping her bandage. The stitches hadn’t broken, Lev had done a pretty good job of it when he stitched her up. Not that she has any plans to tell anyone that small detail. As far as anyone needs to know she stitched herself up. Not that anyone has really questioned her about it. Why would they?
Abby runs a clean towel lightly over the wound wiping away any blood that had trickled out, but the bleeding has stopped again so there was nothing left for her to do except re-wrap her leg with a fresh bandage. And now Abby is walking around her room cleaning and straightening anything she can to seem busy.
“Hey, sit down. I can’t have possibly made that much of a mess, I’ve only been here like two days,” Ellie says from her place propped up on the bed.
“Right,” Abby shakes out her arms as she walks past Ellie.
“Where are you going?”
Abby stops in her tracks, eyebrows furrowed as she points to the couch.
Ellie lets out a short laugh as she shakes her head before patting the bed. The bed itself wasn’t a twin or a queen, but somewhere in the middle so Abby has plenty of room to sit by her. Abby takes an hesitant step towards her.
“Come on, Abby you saw my tits and had your hand down my pants. I think we can sit on the same bed.”
Abby’s face reddens at her blunt statement.
“I just didn’t want to bump your leg, that’s all. I think I did enough of that in the bathroom.” Abby mutters coming to sit on the left side of her, as far from her injured leg as she can get. Her hand hovers uncertainty in the air for a split second until Ellie laces their fingers together.
Abby stares at their connected hands before looking up into her eyes. She didn’t think Abby’s face could get any redder, but it did.
“Wow Manny is going to be insufferable when he finds out isn’t he?” Ellie asks.
Ever since Ellie and Nora broke up, Manny has been trying his hardest to become Ellie’s wingman in the hopes that Ellie would become a better one to him if she had some ‘skin in the game’ as he says. She has never taken him up on the offer, but that doesn’t stop him from making small comments here and there about the women he thinks she would like. Abby’s name definitely came up on one tipsy night before she went to the Island, but he had laughed it off as soon as the option was out of his mouth.
Abby laughs, “Yeah, Maybe he just shouldn’t find out.”
Ellie nods, joining in on the laughter.
She knows that Abby had meant it as a joke, but as it turns around in her head she thinks about all the ways their friends could possibly react to her new relationship with Abby. Which brings to mind what Nora had said during their break up and Ellie can’t help but think that it might be a good idea to not advertise their relationship change to the rest of the group.
Ellie stops laughing, “That actually might not be a bad idea.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I mean it’s not really their business, it’s ours right?” Ellie says, eyes locked on their connected hands.
“You want us to hide and lie to our friends about…This?” Abby raises their hands slightly into the air. Her voice is soft. Not angry, but something on the verge of disappointment and maybe a hint of sadness.
“Not hide,” Ellie tries to explain, “but not tell either. I mean Owen and Mel have been dating since Christmas and no one really knows. If they ask, don’t like, lie or anything, but I just don’t really think we need to announce it. Why can’t this just be between us for a little while?”
Abby doesn’t say anything for a long moment and Ellie can’t bring herself to look up at her for fear that she might have just ruined everything before it had a chance to really start.
Ellie feels Abby’s rough hand lightly touch her cheek, gently turning her to face Abby eye-to-eye. She isn’t sure what Abby sees in her eyes, but the next thing she knows, Abby is nodding her head and bringing her in for a kiss that melts all her worries away.
Their kiss; however, is cut short when Abby pulls away and tugs the comforter up to hide their hands. Ellie is about to ask why when Whitney walks through the door.
“Umm are you two done fighting?” Whitney says looking a little nervous for their answer.
Ellie shares a look with Abby before they both break out into a laugh.
When they each calm down Ellie answers, “Yeah you could say that.”
Whitney relaxes her shoulders, “Good because they are ready to transport you to the Stadium.”
“Oh,” Ellie says, looking at Abby once again. “Right.”
Abby squeezes her hand under the covers. “I’ll be coming with you. Isaac said that he’ll get in contact with me about assignments in two weeks.”
“Oh,” A smile brightens Ellie’s face. “That’s great!”
Whitney clears her throat and Ellie jumps a little, having forgotten she was still in the room for a moment. Yeah, hiding their new relationship is going to be a lot easier said than done.
“Yeah well, Mel knows you’re coming so, let’s get you out of here. There’s a car out front,” Whitney says, turning around to show them out.
Abby stands up, giving Ellie her crutches and they set out to follow Whitney. The whole way to the Humvee Ellie can feel Abby’s eyes on her, making sure that she won’t fall or slip and when they get to the car, she helps Ellie into the front seat practically buckling her into place.
Ellie just rolls her eyes when what she really wants to do is pull Abby back in for another kiss, but that would probably defeat the purpose of wanting to keep what they have just between themselves for right now. So Ellie settles for a quick brush of Abby’s hand as she pulls away to get into the back of the Humvee.
Thankfully, the trip from the Radio Station to the Stadium is a quick one with no attacks from the Scars or infected. Before Ellie knows it she is sitting in the Medical Wing with Abby by her side, waiting for Mel to come back in with the images from the MRI she just took of her leg.
When Mel finally comes back into the room she doesn’t say anything. Ellie had been steadily getting more worried as the testing continued. She has a rogue thought that maybe Mel could see the infection in her and that this is when she will start asking questions about that. It’s a stupid thought as the MRI was the furthest away from her brain that it could possibly be, so that thought was quickly replaced with one of Mel trying to figure out the best way to tell Ellie that she might have to amputate the leg.
But Mel didn’t say anything at all, just continues to poke all around her leg asking her what she feels?
Pain.
If she could point and flex her right foot.
Yes.
Finally when Mel seems all done with her test, she turns on the back lit white board and puts up the pictures of Ellie’s leg.
“You have got to be the luckiest person I have ever met. You see this line here” Mel says, turning back to her and pointing at a line close to her bone. “Somehow the arrow managed to pierce mostly the fascia surrounding the Gastrocnemius muscle, though it does look like a portion of the muscle was nicked. I thought maybe the Tendo m. Plantaris was damaged, but it appears that you are still able to point and flex your foot far well and---”
“Mel! Slow down,” Abby cuts her off, “I don’t understand half the words you just said. Just tell us how long it will take to heal.”
“Well it’s tough to say. 4 to 6 weeks would be a start. She needs to use those crutches for at least two more weeks before we can start her on any kind of advanced rehab, but I know Isaac will want her back out as soon as possible so it’s hard to tell when he will push to have her back out there. There are some exercises she can do to try and aid in her recovery time that I can show you, but I wouldn’t start them until at least a week. When you come back next we can take another picture of your leg, but it already looks like it has started to heal. These stitches probably saved your life. It's a good thing you thought to do them when you did.”
“Thank you Mel.” Ellie says, thinking of Lev stitching her up on the edge of the forest. Risking his life to do so.
Mel nods her head, “Try not to do anything too… strenuous for the next two weeks okay?”
Ellie's face feels hot under Mel’s examining gaze. The more she looks the hotter Ellie’s face feels and the more she wishes for the floor to open up under her and swallow her whole. When Ellie looks up at Mel again, Mel is looking between her and Abby.
“Anything more strenuous than you already did that is,” Mel says, handing Ellie a small portable mirror and tapping her own neck before she turns to leave the door. “Now get out of here and don’t you dare put any weight on that leg for the next week.”
Confused Ellie holds the mirror up. Low on her neck barely visible under the neckline of her hoodie is the top of what looks like a bruise. Ellie’s eyes widen when she realizes what it is.
“Well I guess that cat was never going to stay in the bag,” Ellie says, head falling into her palms.
“What?”
Ellie pulls her neck line down for Abby to see her handy work. Of course Abby’s neck is clear of any blemish.
“Opps, Sorry,” Abby says, looking at least somewhat bashfully as she helps her stand up again, “Mel won’t say anything to anyone, but I’ll talk to her about keeping it quiet anyways. She owns me.”
* * *
When they get to their room Abby insists that Ellie take her bed at least until she is able to get around without the crutches. Stating that Ellie doesn’t need to trip down the stairs when she is just trying to use the bathroom, to which Ellie can't really argue too much about because Abby is annoyingly right.
Ellie tries to convince Abby that they both can fit on the bed, and they technically can, but Abby just looks her up and down a few times with one eyebrow raised.
“We want you to heal fast, not have me kicking your injury in my sleep.”
“You barely even move around in your sleep.” Ellie counters, sitting down on Abby’s bed. Her bed for at least the next two weeks.
“If I’m not having a nightmare.” Abby rests one arm on the top bulk, looking down at Ellie. “If I am then all bets are off.”
“Fine, but you have to stay until I’m asleep.” Ellie scoots closer to the wall and pats the spot next to her for Abby to sit. “You know, like we always do.”
“Like we always do.” Abby echos as she sits.
And every night after, for two weeks, that is what they do.
Abby would read and Ellie would draw, play her guitar, or torture Abby with puns and science facts that she read in the books Abby brought her. They have gotten progressively more inventive with their seating placements on the bed. No longer bound by the unspoken rules of their past friendship. Instead of making sure that one person was at the foot of the bed and the other at the head, they would cycle through a few different positions depending on each of their moods, but Ellie’s favorite was when Abby would settle between her legs, using her body as her very own reading pillow. A position that makes it easy for Ellie to read over her shoulder or card her fingers through her hair. Technically speaking, they both enjoy using the other as their own personal pillow, but Ellie has to admit that she likes being the one to bracket Abby’s body with her own the best.
In all of their many seating positions, Abby is extra careful to make sure that Ellie’s wound is elevated and that she is never hurting Ellie in any way. Each time Abby makes a fuss over her, Ellie has to force herself not to pull her in for a kiss or else they would do nothing, but make out all day. Something Ellie wouldn’t mind too terribly, yet for some reason Abby has to do these stupid little annoying things throughout the day, like her assignments. Abby has gone back to some of the old assignments she did when she was recovering from her own injuries so she is really only around to entertain Ellie part of the day. To say that Ellie can’t wait for her leg to heal would be an understatement.
When the two weeks are up, Ellie finds herself sitting with Abby in front of Mel once again looking at her new MRI images. Mel takes her through a few small exercises and has Ellie stand up and put some weight on her injured leg.
“How do you feel?” Mel asks.
“It feels stiff.”
“Yeah that is to be expected. I’ll give you what exercises and stretches you can start doing now,” Mel says to Ellie, but hands the paper to Abby. “Think you can handle that? Three times a week to start with one repetition and then gradually you can increase the reps. Don’t overdo it.”
“Why are you giving her the paper?” Ellie speaks up.
Mel gives her an incredulous look, “You think you know what these exercises are from just reading them?”
“Um, probably not.”
“Right, you can start them today, but take it easy, maybe only do one or two of the exercises today, but make sure she does all the stretches on there. Oh and I found this for you to use until your leg is a bit stronger.” Mel goes to the closet and holds out a black cane with a big smile on her face. “Don’t give me that look, Ellie. You will use this.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll use the cane. Relax.”
“You better,” Mel says, pointing to Abby and Ellie rapidly as she leaves.
When Mel closes the door Ellie turns to Abby, “God, this is terrible.”
Abby shrugs, “She just cares.”
“Yeah well I wish she would care a bit less.” Ellie mutters as Abby helps her down from the table and hands her the cane.
Ellie begrudgingly takes it from her. She takes a few steps without putting her weight onto the cane just to see how bad it really is, but quickly decides that using the cane might not be such a bad idea, “I just feel old with it. I know using the crutches sucked but at least then people didn’t look at me weird.”
“No one is looking at you weird now. Besides, it's only for a few weeks.”
Ellie can’t really argue with her too much on that front. “Fine, let's go do some of these exercises and stretches then. I don’t want to have to use this cane for any longer than I really need to.”
When they get to the gym there aren't that many people there. So Abby takes Ellie through some of the range of motion exercises that Mel wants her to do. She also explains the ones that Ellie can’t do quite yet. As they talk in a quiet part of the gym, Ellie watches almost everyone in the gym trickle out until it is just the two of them.
The bay windows can’t be seen from this particular part of the gym so the likelihood of anyone being able to see them is rather low. Which brings… thoughts to Ellie’s mind and she finds herself moving closer to Abby as she talks about whatever exercise that she is trying to explain.
“Are you even listening to me?” Abby asks her after she probably asked her a question she didn’t hear.
Ellie doesn’t even try to lie, “Nope,” she says as she leans in capturing Abby’s lips in hers.
Abby, for her part, only pulls away long enough to check that no one can see them before she comes back to her. For as much as they have been cuddling on Abby’s bed every night before sleep they haven’t really done anything more intense than some gentle kissing, but when Ellie tries to deepen the kiss by dragging her hand up Abby’s arm, tracing the muscles around her shoulder blade and up to the base of her neck, Abby gently pulls away.
“As great as this is. I am not going to have sex with you in the gym when you are still injured.”
“So you will when I’m all healed then? Interesting,” Ellie says, keeping her hand around her neck playing with the baby hairs there that can’t quite fit into Abby’s braid.
“That is not what I said. I-”
“But it’s what you meant isn’t it?” Ellie tilts her head to the side examining her, “Also what makes you think I wanted to jump your bones. Can’t I get a simple kiss.”
“Of course you can,” Abby says, bring her lips close to Ellie’s, but not touching.
So close.
Like she’s just trying to tease Ellie, but Abby would never admit that that is what she is trying to do if Ellie calls her out on it. She knows that as soon as she leans forward to close the distance Abby will pull away and say some bullshit, but she can’t resist wanting to do it anyways just for the fun of it.
She leans forward just a little bit, not even really trying to kiss her. Their lips barely brush before Abby is predictably pulling away.
“I’m still not having sex with you in the gym. I really don’t need to be thinking about that when I am trying to lift 200 plus pounds. I still can’t look at sinks without blushing.”
Ellie can’t help it; she doubles over laughing, falling halfway into Abby’s arms.
____
Abby can’t believe how well things are going with Ellie over the next few weeks.
She was somehow able to convince Isaac that it was in his best interest to let her stay in the Studium to make sure that Ellie was recovering and strengthening her leg properly. He only really came around when she mentioned how many people have defected and how he can’t afford to have someone’s leg permanently injured to the point where they could possibly not walk without a cane or a crutch ever again.
She may have over dramatized Ellie’s injuries a bit to help aid in her goal, but If Isaac isn’t going to come to the Studium and see Ellie for himself then she will do anything she can to milk the severity of her injuries in order to insure that she is able to stay by Ellie’s side. Abby was not joking around when she said that she will go where Ellie goes.
But unfortunately, Ellie has healed well and Isaac is expecting them both to report to the FOB now. Technically, Ellie should still wait at least a few more weeks before returning to the field just to make sure she is fully healed, but even Abby can see that she is going a little stir crazy staying in the Studium so she doesn’t push it too much.
Ellie has gotten quite a bit stronger now that she is working out with Abby more regularly. Or maybe she just thinks it’s funny to torture her when the gym is empty. Even when the gym has people in it she still somehow manages to make getting a good workout difficult by just existing. Even if she is not actively trying to make it hard for Abby to concentrate.
And Abby would not have it any other way.
“Finally we can get the fuck out of here for a little bit,” Ellie says as she climbs into the bed of the Humvee like she was never injured in the first place.
Abby has to stop herself from going to her side at every moment to help her do things. She can tell that Ellie’s leg still bothers her at times, but she doesn’t let it show outside of their bedroom. Many times their nightly routine would consist of Abby messaging Ellie’s calf to help relieve some pain and help the fascia not build up too much. Only then does Ellie really express the pain she is in. But to anyone else outside of their bedroom she is back to her usual self, even working on getting her timed mile back up to her usual speed.
Abby takes her place right next to Ellie, putting her arm around her back to grab onto the side, hoping that to anyone it will look like a normal gesture between friends. She can’t remember if they had sat this close on other missions or not, but Abby didn’t see any of their friends in the garage so it should be okay. When Ellie settles in a little closer to her she stops worrying about it.
It’s a small group heading off to the FOB today. Since the failed invasion things have started to settle again. Part of Abby’s compromise was that she would help train the new recruits graduating from the school and going on a few day time assignments around the Studium or small scouting missions with Manny that didn’t take long to complete. During that time Abby made up for the two months that she missed and saw the gradual decline of Scars in their territory once again. So things were getting back to normal or at least as normal as they had been before the invasion failed.
This little trip to the FOB was a bit of a formality before they were sent to their real assignments. Just another way for Isaac to assess their loyalty. A formality that Abby wishes they didn’t have to be put through. But after Jack and some of the others defected, Isaac is being more careful with who he trusts and who he shares his plans with, choosing to keep more and more secrets to himself in the process.
So here they are, waiting outside Isaac’s office at the FOB until he is ready for them.
Dougan steps out of the office and motions for them both to enter. Issac stands in front of his desk hunched over overlaying maps of Seattle. Abby can recognize Ellie’s handwriting on one of them and knows that the creation of this map is what caused her injuries in the first place.
Isaac barely looks up at them as he speaks, “Report to the Wall. We’re taking it back.”
Abby’s hands clench at the blatant dismissal. If he is mad at her, she would rather he yells, but that isn’t really his style. If she wants to get back on his good side she will need to perform better than the rest once again.
Ellie lightly hits her arm as she turns to leave, obviously just taking the dismissal for what it was, but Abby waves her off and motions that she will be out in a minute.
“I told you to report to the Wall. You’ve already wasted enough time playing nurse.” Isaac says when the door closes again after Ellie leaves.
“You know Ellie is one of your best soldiers it would have been unwise to just leave her to her own devices to recover.”
“So you’ve said.” Isaac finally looks up at her. “Now report to the Wall and secure it quickly before the travelers that come through in autumn get here. Or do you no longer care about finding the mad man that killed your father?”
Abby is taken aback, having not thought about the different travelers that come and go this time of year at all. When Abby and the others came to Seattle and told Isaac of what happened in Salt Lake City, Isaac had promised that he would put the word out that they were looking for any information on Joel Miller’s whereabouts and as long as the Scars are taken care of she would be allowed to take a team to deal with him however she saw fit. In all the years that Abby has been a part of the WLF, no one ever knew of where he was.
Seeing the look on her face, Isaac continues, “Ah, did you think I would forget about our deal that easily? Or do you doubt my leadership too?”
Abby shakes her head. “I have never doubted you, Isaac. Thank you for not forgetting about your promise. I know you have other things on your mind.”
“Of course, our deal remains. As long as you deliver on your end, I’ll deliver on mine. Now the Wall.”
Abby nods her head, leaving the room to see Ellie standing there waiting for her. She can’t help the smile that graces her lips at the sight of her, she really thought she would have to fight Isaac to assign them to the same base.
* * *
Taking back the Wall was incredibly easy.
Not that the Scars were even in the area to begin with when they arrived to re-establish the post, so there wasn’t really that much in terms of taking back. But the Wall is the first place any traveler will come to if they are in the area, so Abby can acknowledge how important it is to have a consistent presence here if the WLF has any interest in possibly continuing to trade with outsiders.
There are a few groups of traders that Abby is aware of that come around on a semi regular basis. Sometimes the groups are bigger, sometimes they are smaller, but each time the leaders of these groups would be brought to wherever Isaac happened to be while the rest of their group would stay under the watchful eye of Jack at the Wall. From what Abby can gather, Isaac would strike some kind of deal with the leaders before sending them back to the Wall with what they asked for and as long as they left the agreed upon trade items at the Wall they would be permitted to leave.
There had never been a reason for Abby to talk with any of the traders when they came through, so what that deal was she doesn’t know, but she does know that Isaac would radio the Wall with what they should leave behind before they could go and that was all she needed to know in order to do her job.
With Jack gone it still remains to be seen who will be charged with the task of overseeing the Wall. Technically, Abby herself is the most senior of their group of ten, but running this base is the last thing she really wants to do. So to say that Abby is relieved when Dougan comes to the Wall a few days after they arrive would be an understatement.
Abby and Ellie are able to spend the next two weeks on scouting missions close to the Wall. Each time their route gets longer and they run into fewer Scars. Now it is mostly just infected deserters that they have to deal with.
Abby pushes over the body of one of those infected.
“Matthew. He was a good kid.” She mutters.
“Yeah he was,” Ellie says. “But he shouldn’t have come to the sewers to hide anyways. Nothing good ever happens in a sewer trust me.”
Technically speaking they were not ordered to clear out the sewers, thank god. But they were ordered to patrol at least part of them for fear that Scars or deserters could be making a camp in them. Why anyone would willingly make a camp in a spore and Clicker infested area Abby doesn’t know, but she can guess that whatever had happened, Matthew must have been desperate.
Abby gives Ellie a quick once over, evaluating her mask for any cracks and her clothes for any rips or injuries. Either of them had expected a runner to jump out at them when Ellie opened a storage door in the sewer, but Ellie had been quick with her knife and he went down easily.
“I’m fine,” Ellie says when she notices how Abby is looking at her. “No bites.”
Abby nods, not seeing any tears or cracks anywhere to be concerned about and they quietly continue on through the sewers. They don’t even attempt to go down the stairs to the bottom, where they can hear what sounds like a large number of Clickers gathering. They only meant to check the service catwalk that connects the sewers to the subway system, so they are lucky the unexpected attack didn’t alert any of the Clickers below to their presence.
“There is no way we can make it back to the Wall before the sunsets.” Ellie says as they exit the subway, removing her mask as soon as it is safe to do so. “We should find somewhere to sleep for the night.”
“What about there?” Abby points to the Pinnacle Theater not far from where they exited, “Looks pretty good. Windows are all boarded up so as long as there are no infected inside, it should be safe for the night.”
Ellie shrugs, “We can try it.”
Ellie follows her around the building trying to see a way in until Abby spots an escape ladder.
Abby motions to Ellie for a boost.
“I feel like I’m fourteen again.” Elie mutters, hands braced on her knee to help push Abby up.
“What were you saying before I got up here?” Abby asks when Ellie is on the platform with her after lowering the ladder.
Ellie lets out a small quiet laugh. “I just did that a lot when I was fourteen. You know, pushing someone up so they can find a route or get into a building to unlock it and all that. Brought back memories, that's all.”
Abby lets the questioning drop as they both enter the Theater through the window.
The Theater is quiet as they each move through it. They separate to cover more ground after finding nothing in the first few rooms of the second level, but a tent and a few mattresses. Ellie moves on to check the rest of the rooms on this floor and Abby moves down to cover the first floor.
After finding nothing but props in the wings and back of the stage the lights suddenly turn on.
“Did you find anything?” Ellie’s voice sounds from the lobby.
Abby walks back over to meet her. “Nope nothing, what about you?”
“Just a corpse in the electrical room. I think this place was used as a hideout by a few soldiers after the outbreak. It looks like they left a long time ago, but hey the lights still work and there’s a radio.”
Abby nods, “Good news for us then.”
“Good news indeed.” Ellie says, voice growing slightly more husky as she walks closer to Abby, “Now what are we going to do all alone in this Theater?”
Abby narrows her eyes at Ellie. “Was this your plan all along? Lure me out on a long mission and have your way with me?”
“Sounds like someone wants to be lured away and taken care of,” Ellie arms slowly make their way around Abby’s neck,“because I didn’t say anything about that.”
Abby’s arm naturally comes to rest on Ellie’s waist pulling her in closer as she bends slightly down, “Felt like it was implied.”
“Hmm. I think I can arrange that then.” Ellie whispers close to Abby’s lips.
“There’s a dressing room in the back. There’s a couch.” Abby says, taking Ellie’s hand as she leads her quickly through the auditorium.
* * *
This hasn’t been the first time that a mission ended with them getting slightly too distracted by each other. At the Wall they share a bedroom and the bed as well each night, but they rarely engage in anything more than just sleeping while surrounded by the other soldiers. They have heard far too much of the others from their own room to trust the thin walls with anything other than a few quiet kisses. But when they are out on missions and it is just the two of them, they tend to let go and freely show their affection towards each other more, especially when they feel safe enough in their surroundings to do so. And the freedom and safety of having the whole Theater to themselves only serves to heighten the desire to be together more fully.
They lay, tucked into each other’s side, on a long burgundy couch in the dressing room with nothing but a thin sheet covering themselves. Abby had the forethought to lay down a clean enough sheet that she found in a large chest before they started to straight up torture each other with their hands and tongues, each trying to outdo the other until finally both of them are too worn out to do anything more than just lay there.
Abby looks down at Ellie in her arms. Her eyes are closed and her breathing is so steady that Abby is positive she is fast asleep. Ellie’s dark auburn locks shift to what could be mistaken as dark brown when Abby runs her fingers through them, playing with how the warm light of the room catches on each individual strand.
Watching how the light plays on Ellie’s hair has always fascinated Abby in a way that makes it difficult to look away from it when the light hits it just right. It makes her wonder what it would look like braided.
One of Abby’s earliest memories is that of her own mother braiding her hair. Abby’s mother used to talk about the magic in hair braiding. How a person can use it in order to lock in certain intentions. Together they would pick a focus for the day and as her mother braided her hair they would speak it out loud to each other. It was always Abby’s favorite part of the day.
Abby doesn't believe in magic.
Her mothers braids didn’t save her from being bitten by the infected. But every time Abby had to rebrand her hair, she would still take a moment to pick a specific intention, just like her mother taught her to and repeat it to herself as she braided her hair.
For so long that braided intent was to get stronger, braver, tougher; but for the last however many weeks it started to revolve around Ellie.
For Ellie to heal faster, for Ellie to be safe, for Ellie to just be here with her always.
Abby doesn’t think that that is actually how the magic works. If there is any magic in braiding at all she’s pretty sure that the magic would only work if the intent is braided into the person's hair that it is about.
Abby’s hands, even without her conscious permission, start to braid a small potion of Ellie’s hair. The angle is off and the braid is probably going to come out lumpy, loose, and misshapen; but she hopes that the intent she puts in it will stay.
“What are you doing?” Ellie asks, sleepily.
Abby can’t see if her eyes have opened or not. “Just braiding your hair.”
“My hair isn’t even long enough to braid.”
“Maybe just a cute little one right here then.”Abby realizes that she doesn’t have a hair tie to finish it off so she takes out her own to use instead.
Abby can feel Ellie’s face scrunches up on her chest as she says, “I’m not cute.”
“Sure you aren’t.” Abby mutters with a kiss to the top of her head.
“Go to sleep. Dork.”
Abby lets out a small laugh as she pulls the thin sheet higher over them both and closes her eyes.
*
The next morning Ellie is up before her. By how much time Abby isn’t sure, but the small braid that Abby did for her is still there in its misshapen beauty framing her face, so it was probably not very long. She sits looking over at Abby with a soft smile on her face. She must have had enough time to quickly pull on her clothes from the other night because she is fully dressed. Leaving Abby with only the sheet as a cover.
“You want to get dressed too?” Ellie asks fiddling with a small wrapped package in her hands. The wrapping is nothing special, just a brown bag with red yarn to close it.
Abby shakes her head as she sits up.
“What’s this?” she asks, pointing at the package.
“Well,” Ellie starts, “Here, happy late birthday. Sorry you had to spend it being my nurse.”
And she shoves the package into Abby’s hands.
“You weren’t really that far off when you asked if I lured you out here. I kinda did in a way.” Ellie continues without waiting for Abby to say anything, “I knew this scouting mission would take longer than a day and I figured we would end up somewhere alone. This is much nicer than I thought we were going to find though.”
Abby can’t fight her laughter as she slowly unwraps the package to reveal a copy of The Count of Monte Cristo.
At the sight of the book, Abby stops laughing all together, “Where did you find this?”
Books are already hard to come by nowadays, the fact that the Stadium has even one undamaged copy of this book is a miracle. Most of the books that were left in the stores from before the outbreak are riddled with holes from insects eating through the pages, but this one has clearly been in good hands.
“You remember that new recruit that came in just after Christmas? I traded a few assignments for it. I know you’ve been waiting for Carol to be done with the Stadium’s copy for almost a year now, so I thought I would get you your own copy so you didn’t have to wait anymore.” Ellie only pauses briefly when Abby doesn’t say anything. “You can tell me if you hate it though. You hate it don’t you?”
Abby quiets her rumblings with a kiss that quickly becomes more heated and Abby is very thankful that she elected not to get dresses.
At some point Abby pulls away to whisper in Ellie’s ear. “I love it.”
When all she really wants to say is, I love you.
Notes:
Thank you so much for reading!!!
Does anyone else wonder what Abby would have done if she had read the The Count of Monte Cristo before heading to Jackson? Cause Like I definitely do. (Oh the irony)
Also just assume Ellie always has a small braid in her hair from this point forward, just incase I forget to mention it in text.
Comments and Kudos are always appreciated and feedback is always welcome! I love hearing from all of you, so don't be shy lol.
Preview to next Chapter:
More Ellabs, but this time make it Halloween.
(Cause I forgot about it last time haha)
Any suggestions for a costume for the ladies? (I have something planned, but if you have anything good I could be persuaded.)
Chapter 24: Chapter 24
Summary:
A few misunderstandings and emotional talks.
Also Ellie being a bit of a flirt to Abby.
Gets a little heated from "For as nice and sweet as this kiss is, Ellie is still a little pissed at Abby." to "Ellie doesn’t know how long she was there tearing Abby apart,"So you have been warned.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Ah home sweet home,” Ellie says, throwing herself onto her bed as soon as they walk into their room in the Stadium.
A few weeks after they found the Theater, Ellie and Abby got word that they were finally able to leave the Wall. In total they must have spent close to two months away from the Stadium, but now they are back in their own room where people can’t hear everything they say to each other any more.
Abby stands in the doorway for a long moment before she closes the door. Ellie sits up a little bit on her bed, resting her body weight on her elbows as she watches Abby watch her.
Abby doesn’t say anything as she slowly walks down the steps to her own bed, turning on her small reading lamp at the head of her bed, the only light source in the room now that it is on, and throws her bag down next to her nightstand. “I’m taking a shower first.”
Ellie hums, “You don’t want any company?”
But Abby is already in the shower before her words are fully out.
Ellie furrows her brow as she flings herself back onto her bed. During their time at the Wall, Ellie got used to doing everything with Abby. Going on missions, sleeping in the same bed, sneaking away to the Theater, even showering on occasion when the rest of the apartment was empty. So Abby just blowing her off when they are finally home did more than just hurt.
Abby hadn’t even been acting any different on their way home either. So what triggered this change in her?
Abby exits the bathroom after sometime and doesn’t say anything at all to Ellie. She just goes to her bed and pulls out The Count of Monte Cristo.
Fine , Ellie thinks as she enters the bathroom. Maybe Abby only wants her for sex on missions. She can work with that. She just has to change her expectations. The thought doesn’t make the rejection hurt any less though as she washes off the grime and dirt from traveling and---she guesses--- Abby’s kisses off her skin too.
When she leaves the bathroom and goes to her bed again to sleep something is definitely wrong.
“Um Abby. What the fuck happened to my bed?” Her mattress was missing completely from her bed frame. Her bag was still there on the wooden planks of the frame right where Ellie left it, but the mattress itself was missing.
“Hum?” Abby barely looks up from her book, “I don’t know. Maybe it ran away.”
Ellie turns to look at Abby, arms crossing over her chest. “Maybe it ran away?”
“Yeah, I mean you did lay on it before showering. Can you really blame the thing?”
“And where exactly am I supposed to sleep now?” Ellie walks back down to her level of the room.
Abby shrugs her shoulders, but scoots over a bit without looking up to her. After turning the page of her book with her left hand she lightly taps the place beside her on the bed.
Ellie can’t help it as she bursts out laughing, “You know if you wanted me to continue sleeping next to you in the bed, you could have just said that instead of getting rid of my fucking mattress right?”
Abby shrugs again, but Ellie can see the slow smile that takes over her face and the laugh that bubbles out of her as Ellie settles into the bed. She feels a little stupid for her thoughts in the shower. Abby isn’t the kind of person who would do what they do out of the Stadium and then act like a completely different person when they get back home.
But that doesn’t mean Ellie is going to just let her slide for that little stunt.
Ellie grabs a bookmark off Abby’s nightstand and slowly straddles her lap. Abby’s eyes flicker up to Ellie then back down to her place on the page, but Ellie can tell she is no longer reading any words. Ellie's hands slowly travel along the sides of Abby’s body, from her waist, where Ellie’s own legs are gently pressed, up to her shoulders then down across her biceps and forearms until they are at her hands. Ellie slides the bookmark into the center of the spine gently closing the book.
“I think you’re done with this,” Ellie says, voice just slightly husky as she takes the book from Abby’s hands.
Encroaching further into Abby’s space, Elli places the book on the shelf at the head of her bed. All the while Abby’s eyes are tracking her movements, but she makes no move to stop what Ellie is doing.
Ellie’s eyes also never leave hers when she turns off the light, plunging the room into darkness and leaving the only light coming from the moon through the large windows.
As soon as the light is off Abby finally moves. Her hands, which had not moved from where they were on her chest throughout all of Ellie’s movements, are suddenly pulling Ellie’s body even closer to hers. Her lips find Ellie’s effortlessly as one of her hands smooths down her wet hair, before cradling Ellie’s head fully in her hands.
For as nice and sweet as this kiss is, Ellie is still a little pissed at Abby.
She breaks away from Abby’s hold as her hands travel down Abby’s chest, lightly grazing the sides of her breast and tracing the planes of her abs until she reaches the hem of her shirt. With a little help from Abby, the shirt is easily removed from her body and Ellie can see now that she hadn’t bothered to put another bra on after her shower. Ellie brings their lips together once again as Abby slides down the pillows she had been prodded up against to read, taking Ellie with her.
Rough hands move to the bottom of Ellie’s hoodie, bunching up the fabric there, but Ellie stops the motion with a quick grab to her wrists and a slow shake of her head. Ellie doesn’t release her arms as she brings them up and over her head.
“My turn,” Ellie whispers as she kisses her way down Abby’s neck, “Can you be good and keep your arms here for me?”
Abby nods her head fast and Ellie releases her arms to continue her journey down the valley of her breast. Stopping only briefly there to tease a moan out of Abby lips before she moves lower still over her abs, hands tracing the ridges there.
Ellie’s fingers hook over the waistband of Abby’s sweats and she raises her hips to make it easier for Ellie to discard, but Ellie’s fingers just trace small circles at the band as she makes her way back up Abby’s body.
Abby huffs out her name in warning.
“What is it Abby?”
“If you are just going to tease me all night you could at least hand me back my book.”
“Hmm, that could be fun.” Ellie growls out, pausing halfway up her body circling her tongue around the peak there. Her hands, which had been still making teasing circles at Abby’s waistband, starts to push the fabric down with some help from Abby, “Some other time though.”
Abby only stays good for Ellie so long before she is turning her over and onto her back, disrobing Ellie clumsily in the process.
Ellie doesn't fight her as hard as she knows she can, but she also doesn’t take to the change in position easily either and she quickly finds herself on top of Abby again.
“Relax,” Ellie says into Abby’s ear, “Let me take care of you.”
She can feel the muscles in Abby’s abs finally release as she rests her head back and closes her eyes. Ellie slides down her body one last time until she is right where she wants to be.
*
Ellie doesn’t know how long she was there tearing Abby apart, but at some point she found herself climbing back up the side of a very warden out Abby. The only thing she could do was tuck Ellie into her arms as soon as she was within easy reach to do so.
“I’m still pissed you got rid of my mattress though.” Ellie says into the side of Abby’s neck.
Abby tightens her hold around her, “You don’t need it.”
***
Ellie’s life goes back to normal.
Or as normal as it can get in the Washington Liberation Front. At least assignments get back on schedule. All the deserters have been replaced with either people graduating from the school or newcomers that were passing through but decided to stay.
Nora ends up scheduled mostly at the Hospital even though she hates it. Mel stays on base in the Stadium to help oversee the Medical Wing. Leah and Jordan try to stay together as best they can but Jordan and Nick are usually assigned to the Wall and Leah with her electric skills gets based at the radio station most of the time and Manny bounces between the FOB and patrols, but at least they all have their return dates now, so it's not as bad as it was for those first few months after the failed invasion.
What Isaac is planning to do with her map of the island, Ellie doesn’t know, she is just thankful that she and Abby have been getting assigned together more regularly. She isn’t sure if Abby is pulling any strings to accomplish that or not, but she also doesn't really ask and every time that they are out in the field together they somehow find themselves back at the Theater.
Their Theater is nothing like Owen’s aquarium, but it is theirs in every way that is important to them. Which means that they are able to truly be together without fearing that someone will see them through their large window. Ellie can understand now why families are moved to more indoor housing because for as beautiful of a view they have is, it also means that anyone could see them if they were looking hard enough. A point that Abby had brought up after that first night back in the Stadium and Ellie hasn’t really been able to shake since. Needless to say the Theater is a preferred hideout for them and one they utilize more times than not.
As the season changes from Summer to Fall and the temperature once again gets colder Abby and Ellie find themselves staying in their room wrapped up together on their bed more and more instead of going out into the common areas where some of their friends could find them.
It isn’t that Ellie really wants to hide her relationship with Abby, she just can’t deny how much easier it has been to just not mention it. They had always been rather close. Closer than they probably should have been for just friends. So on one hand it seems inevitable that their relationship evolved into what it is now, but at the same time Ellie can’t shake the feeling that she should at least tell Nora first before announcing it to the rest of the group. A task made nearly impossible with Nora mostly stationed at the Hospital with Dougan being moved to the Wall after Jack’s desertion. Ellie might have been building it up in her head, but something about allowing Nora to find out about them second hand just seems unnecessarily cruel to her.
But that also remains part of the problem.
Ellie can tell it hurts Abby to lie to their friends, even though Ellie is pretty sure at least Mel and Owen must know. Owen had been cleared for light duties around the Stadium by the time Abby and Ellie came back from the Wall and had maybe walked in on them making out in the library. Though neither of them knows if he actually recognized them or if he just saw two people making out and quickly left, but there is no way Mel didn’t tell him any ways, even if he didn’t know it was them at that moment.
With Halloween approaching Ellie finds herself in her favorite location. Sitting with Abby’s back laying heavy on her chest reading over Abby’s shoulder. Something about the heavy weight of Abby’s body grounds her in a way she didn’t know she needed, making it easier to focus and calm her racing mind when things feel too much.
They hadn’t really been reading The Count of Monte Cristo together or anything, but every time they found themselves in this position, which was most of the time, Abby would spend about ten minutes catching Ellie up on the story that she missed before opening the book and they each start to read. Sometimes Ellie would ask Abby to read out loud when she was too tired to look at the page, or when she was too invested in playing with Abby’s hair on the rare occasions that she left it unbraided.
Today is one of those rare occasions, and as Ellie ranks her fingers through the soft unbraided strains she tells herself that the next time she sees Nora, she’ll tell her she was right, apologize for being such a shitty ex-girlfriend, and hope that they can remain friends. Since their break up, they had only ever really talked when they were around the rest of the group and even that seemed stilted and awkward in a way that doesn't bode well for any kind of rekindling of a friendship between them, but she can hope.
Ellie has heard that people are trying to make Halloween special this year, as it’s the first real holiday after the failed invasion, but she just thinks it’s a reason to get plastered, which is reason enough to attend.
Last Halloween, Ellie had been stationed away from the Stadium, so this would be her first taste of how the WLF celebrated the holiday. Would it be like Jackson with a dance and homemade candies being passed around? A memory of Joel burning his finger when he tried to make his own chocolate enters her mind and Ellie tries to push down the pang in her chest everytime she thinks about Jackson and subsequently Joel. At some point, probably when she thought she was going to die on the Scar’s Island, she had started to try and forgive him. Not fully, she might not be able to until she learns why he did what he did, but Lev did have a point. Joel doesn’t just do things for no reason so there must have been some kind of catalyst for his actions.
Ellie tries to shake herself from her thoughts as she plays with the ends of Abby’s hair. Abby closes her book and turns her head slightly towards her.
“Halloween is next week.”
Ellie breathes out a laugh, “Yeah and you still won’t tell me what this ‘perfect costume’ is that you found for me.”
Abby waves her off. “I’ve been meaning to ask…What’s your favorite holiday?”
“I don’t know. I never really thought too much about it.” Ellie twirls a strain around her finger. “The FERDA school didn’t really do holidays that much. Halloween always kind of reminds me of Riley though.”
Ellie pauses trying to remember how much she’s already told Abby about Riley, but quickly barrels onward hoping that Abby won’t ask her anything about Riley. “So I guess Christmas. At the Settlement I was at before coming here they would put up these lights all over the place. Christmas wasn’t the only winter holiday they celebrated, so they held these dances and parties about every other week or so all the way till mid March. It made the Winter at least a bit more bearable. Which is good because I hate the winter.”
“Hmm,” Abby turns her head back forward, resting it on Ellie’s chest. “I never would have guessed that you disliked winter.”
“This past winter wasn’t that bad. I think that had something to do with the Ocean being so close. Winter in the mountains brings back some bad memories, that's all. Makes me feel caged again.” Ellie doesn’t even realize what she said until she feels Abby’s body stiffen.
Abby sits up, turning to face Ellie on the bed as she does so. “Caged?”
It’s really getting too easy to talk to Abby sometimes. It's a miracle she hadn’t slipped and said Joel's name yet.
Ellie plays with a loose thread on her sleeve, “It’s kind of a long fucked up story.”
“I want to know,” Abby says, weaving their hands together, “but only if you want to tell me. Trust me there are things I still don’t think I could talk to even you about yet. Things that I would hate for you to demand I talk about when I’m not ready, so don’t feel pressured or anything. But I am here.”
Abby pulls Ellie into her chest as she lays back down effectively switching their positions so that they are now laying side-by-side with Ellie tucked into Abby’s side.
Abby smooths down the tiny braid she did in Ellie’s hair earlier that day.
Ellie lets the quiet settle over them.
This is the exact type of question that Ellie would have run from if Nora had asked it. So she should feel the same way when Abby asks, yet for some reason she just doesn’t. Maybe it was the easy out Abby gave her. Ellie could just say that the memory was too painful to talk about and she knows Abby would respect it and not ask about it again.
It is this thought that makes Ellie actually want to tell her. Not everything, definitely not about Salt Lake City, but she can talk about this.
About Colorado and David.
Maybe a part of her longs to be able to get it off her chest in a way that Joel never gave her the opportunity to. Not that she wanted to talk about anything after it had happened. It had taken weeks and a handful of truly terrible puns for him to get her to even speak to him again so he never pushed for any more information. All he knows is that she was captured and that she got herself out.
But how can she talk about what happened then without talking about Joel? Just hope that Abby won’t question why she’s still being so vague about him. It’s not a very good plan, but Ellie doesn’t have the heart to keep lying and running away from the people she loves. That was how she messed things up with Nora and Ellie wants what she has with Abby to last longer than just a few months.
“I don’t really know where to begin.” Ellie takes a deep breath, “We were in Colorado looking for the Fireflies and got ambushed inside the College. It was only me and this other guy… We had traveled the longest together. He was the one that took me to that museum with the Dinosaurs and space stuff for my 16th birthday. I think I told you about that right?”
Ellie can feel Abby nodding her head from above hers.
“Anyways he got stabbed in the stomach protecting me. We barely made it out of there… He almost died… I stitched him up the best I could, but he needed real medicine. For weeks, I did everything I could to keep him alive. I hunted for food, I scavenged malls for supplies, and I watched him get worse. I didn’t know what to do. I was fifteen at the time. But I got pretty good with a bow and then one day when I was hunting, I managed to kill a deer. I could barely believe it, but that was when these two men came out of nowhere talking about all the people they have to feed and asking for a trade. I was desperate and maybe a bit too trusting at the time and told them that I would trade the whole deer for some medicine. The leader agreed to the trade, but I wasn’t a complete idiot and had one of them stay with me or there would be no deal, so the leader sent the other guy back to wherever their camp was to get the medicine and bring it back.
“It wasn’t long before the infected came and we were fighting side-by-side. And it was nice not being alone again for a moment. It was nice fighting beside someone again until the area was clear again and we were able to make fire to keep warm. He told me he used to be a teacher before the outbreak. He said some pretty creep ass religious shit too, but then he started talking about how a man and a little girl killed some of his people and I knew he was talking about us. By that time the other one had returned. I still had my bow and for some reason he let me leave with the medicine, but I knew there was no way he was going to just take the deer and leave us alone.
“I got back to the house that I had us hidden in and gave him the medicine. The whole night I just hoped that they wouldn’t be able to track me, but he had taught me how to shoot, not how to hide my tracks. So the next morning they were there. I give him another dose of the medicine and my pocket knife. I told him to kill anyone that came in the door and then I tried to lead them away. I didn’t make it that far before they captured me and the next thing I knew I was locked up in a cage.
“They were a group of fucking cannibals. I was given a choice to either join them or become their food. I, um, may have broken the teacher's fingers when he suggested I join his ‘flock’. Creep ass motherfucker.”
Ellie pauses for the first time. The realization that she has never ever told anyone all of this before suddenly hits her. Abby squeezes her body, silently reassuring her that she is not in that lodge anymore and that she is safe.
“My time was up soon after that stunt and they took me out of the cage to… I managed to distract them long enough to drive the clever they were going to use on me into one of their necks before running out into the snow. I could barely see, but that also meant that they couldn’t see me either. But I didn’t even have a jacket on so it wasn’t like I could make it that far in the snow so I had to double back into a building. I made it to this dining hall before the teacher man locked himself in with me. I threw this lantern at his face but all that did was make him mad and he locked us both in the building with a fire slowing spreading all around us. He made it clear that he would have done something even worse to me if I had agreed to stay with him. The man was sick. He stalked me like an animal all around the kitchen and seating area as the whole place slowly caught on fire. I finally found a cleaver, but he overpowered me when I attacked him and got on top of me, knocking the blade away. I was able to get it back when he had his hands… elsewhere… I don’t remember how many times I drove that blade into his face, neck, torso.
“When I left that building I was so numb. I couldn’t feel the heat of the flames in that building or the cold of the snow outside anymore. I don’t even think I could hear anything either. It wasn’t until I felt a hand on my shoulder that I snapped out of it. I thought it was one of his men, the teachers, until I heard the voice and it wasn’t any of them. He was there. My…I don’t know what to call him… my companion? Guardian? I don’t know how he got there or how many people he probably killed to find me. It was pretty far from where I had him hidden. But he was there even if he was too late to actually save me, he still held me as I cried on his shoulder telling me that I was okay. I couldn’t shake the things that man had said to me in that lodge and for how much the teacher deserved everything I did to him and more, I can’t help wishing that it hadn’t happened at all. It used to replay in my head over and over again at really random times. Worst during that first winter. I kept imagining different ways it could have gone. What choices I could have made differently to make it not happen. That asshole teacher wasn’t even the first person I ever killed, but that fear, that helplessness… I couldn’t shake that for the longest time. We left that horrible lodge together holding each other up and winters bother me less and less each year now. Maybe one day I won't remember it at all.”
“That’s…Ellie, you amaze me everyday. To do all that.” Abby rubs small soothing circles on to her back, “I’m glad he was okay and that he got to you no matter what he did. It sounds like he did everything he physically could to keep you safe. But you can't change the past, all you can do is move forward.”
Ellie nods, she hadn’t really meant to blurt all of that out. She just wanted to tell her about the cannibals, but she doesn’t know what it is about Abby that makes it so easy for her to share all the hurt she feels inside herself, even the hurt she thought she was over.
A tense silence engulfs them and Ellie can tell that there is something Abby is trying to find the words to ask.
“You never say his name.” Abby finally pushes out.
Ellie takes a breath, “I… just can’t. I’m sorry. I know it probably doesn’t make much sense to you. It barely makes sense to me and it’s just so… complicated. We... Had a bit of falling out right before I came here. I hate him some days for what he did—- what he lied about—-and other days I miss his gruff attitude and the way he tries to pretend he hates my puns. He’s an asshole and super rough around the edges, but he saved me and I saved him. I still catch myself thinking about him, even when I don’t want to. Wondering if he is okay. I don’t know what I’d do if I found out someone had hurt or killed him. Probably hunt them down to be honest. But I just can’t say—-“
“You don’t have to explain.” Abby interrupts her and hugs her closer. “I didn’t mean to push it. I can understand not wanting to speak someone’s name. When my mom died, my dad couldn’t even stand hearing her name spoken even by me. He would leave whole rooms sometimes. I didn’t get it until he died. Name’s have a sort of power to them and I know how affected I am when I even hear my dad or my mom’s name, so I can’t imagine what it would feel like to be betrayed by a loved one and then have to speak their name out loud before I’m ready. You don’t ever have to tell me his name if you don’t want to. He can just be the museum guy or asshole, depending on how you're feeling about him that day.”
Tears well in Ellie’s eyes as she nods her head. A weight she didn’t even know was on her chest lifts.
“Thank you.” Ellie whispers.
“Don’t thank me,” Abby says, pressing a cherished kiss on her forehead, “Not for that.”
Ellie nods her head again, not so subtly wiping the tears from her eyes as a new weight settles into place. She will have to tell Abby about Salt Lake City, but not right now.
Not today.
Maybe not for a long time still, if she can help it.
***
After their emotional talk earlier in the week, Abby has done a great job of taking her mind off of everything. That night Ellie had a nightmare that she was back in that cage in the lodge, but this time Joel was there too strung up like a deer ready to be butchered. When Ellie woke up Abby was there to reassure her that she was safe. She didn’t ask what the dream had been about, she just held her close. The next morning Abby had started to give her clues as to what her costume was going to be, making it a bit of a scavenger hunt of sorts to help occupy her mind and her dreams once again went back to normal.
“This is stupid,” Ellie says, the night of the Halloween party. “There is no way that I am wearing this.”
“Do you know how hard I worked in finding all of this? You have to wear it.” Abby is already in her costume or so she says, but to Ellie it just looks like her normal winter clothes with some extra fur sewn half heartedly into the neckline and cuffs.
“What is it even supposed to be?” Ellie looks down at the red and black material in her hands, then up at her. “What are you supposed to be?”
“I’m a werewolf and you are going to be a vampire.” Abby’s arms cross over her chest, giving Ellie a look that she knows she shouldn’t argue with.
Ellie rolls her eyes, “Fine I’ll be a fucking Vampire.”
The costume wasn’t really that bad. It was a suit with red trimmings and ascents. Looking into the bathroom mirror, Ellie has to admit that she doesn’t look half bad with the first few buttons left unbuttoned.
“Yeah, I don’t care how well you say you cleaned this. I will not be putting these teeth in my mouth,” Ellie says as she leaves the bathroom, plastic vampire teeth in hand.
Abby sits on the bed waiting for her as she exits the bathroom and as she does, Abby’s eyes darken as she takes in Ellie’s form.
“You sure you still want to go.” Ellie slowly walks towards Abby, “We could just stay here. Play a little Vampire versus Werewolf on the bed instead.”
When Ellie is standing right infront of her, Abby’s hand glides up her leg, ghosting over her butt to rest on the small of her back as she stands up. Ellie refuses to move even an inch backwards to accommodate Abby’s change in position, only tilting her head up to follow her movements as she lowers her head closer to Ellie’s.
“You think you could win?” She breathes close to Ellie’s mouth.
Something in her husky voice shoots straight to Ellie’s core and she tries to bridge the gap between their lips, but every time, Abby moves just slightly out of the way. When their lips finally meet, Ellie knows it is because she has allowed it.
The kiss is broken off much too soon as Abby backs away. “Come on, we're leaving.”
“You’re cruel Abby Anderson.”
“You like it. Don’t lie,” Abby says, tugging at the small braid she made with a wink before heading out of their room, Ellie following quickly behind.
*
They are one of the first of their friends to arrive, the only other one being Nick looking blankly at his empty cup. Abby and Ellie both share a quick look before Ellie is motioning over to the drinks and Abby goes to sit down next to Nick, placing a hand on his shoulder and asking what had happened.
Ellie didn’t have a problem with Nick or anything and they had grown much closer since they were stationed at the Wall together. But Nick and Nora were always super close, and Ellie still feels a bit awkward around him at times. So it only feels right to go and grab them each something to drink as it is looking like they will be needing it tonight.
“You can stop avoiding me now. I’m not mad anymore.” A voice says close by makes Ellie jump a little as she pours.
Turning around Ellie sees Nora standing on the other side of the table, “What? I’m not---”
“You are. And you can stop.” Nora interrupts, grabbing a small towel to clean the mess Ellie just made. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Ellie doesn’t know what to say. So she doesn’t say anything.
Nora stands there for a moment after the mess was cleaned. “Can we talk? More privately?”
With a quick look back at where Abby is still preoccupied by Nick, Ellie nods her head.
Nora is right of course, Ellie had been avoiding her. But Ellie had promised herself that she would talk to Nora the next time she saw her. So no matter how uncomfortable this conversation might be, Ellie knows she has to do it.
Nora doesn’t take Ellie far, just to the more quiet side of the Dinner Hall that hasn’t filled up with people yet so seating is more available.
“Before you say anything,” Ellie starts as soon as she takes a seat next to Nora. “You were right. About Abby that is. I meant to talk with you about it, but you were already at the Hospital by the time we became… us and it just never felt like a good time.”
Nora breathes out a small laugh. “Come on Ellie, I’m pretty sure everyone, but Manny knows that. You two had been circling each other for months even before the invasion, but that isn’t even really what I wanted to talk to you about.”
Nora pauses, looking down at her hands, “I’m sorry for the way I reacted to a lot of things, I was insecure about your friendship with Abby from the very beginning and I reacted poorly to that by lying and avoiding you. I pushed you away and then got mad when you stayed away and that wasn't fair to you.”
“Why are you telling me all this?”
“Mel mostly.” Nora laughs. “But I wanted to clear the air for you as well as for me. I missed you, Ellie. But I missed you as a friend more than anything else.”
“I missed you too Nora. I never wanted to stop being your friend. I just didn’t really know how to talk to you anymore.”
“I know.” Nora comes in close, engulfing Ellie in a tight hug. “I’m truly happy for you Ellie. I hope you can be more open with Abby than you were with me.”
Ellie nods backing up from Nora’s embrace. Nora’s hand slides down her arms until they are grabbing her hands.
“I mean it. You can’t just keep your past to yourself when anyone who cares about you can see that something is eating you up inside. I hope Abby is able to open that door and walk inside with you better than I could.”
Nora squeezes Ellie’s hand once more before heading over to where more of their friends have arrived and gathered.
Ellie goes back to the drink table, grabbing Abby and herself something to drink in a daze. When she gets back to the group, the spot near Abby is taken. Which normally would not have bothered Ellie in the slights, but something about the way Abby looks at her sets her on edge. Sure she accepts the drink Ellie hands her like she would normally, but there is a hardness around her eyes that wasn’t there when they got to the Dining Hall.
With everyone catching up after their many assignments apart, it feels wrong to interrupt her over something as silly as a look. So when Leah pulls Ellie into a conversation with Jordan and Nora about telling planets and stars apart in the night sky, Ellie can almost forget about Abby’s pinched look from when she brought over the drinks.
As the night goes on, people come and go from their spot in the corner. It’s too cold to stay on the couches outside, but the music isn’t too bad and most people are dancing and drinking. When Abby is finally alone on the couch, Ellie slides in right next to her.
“What’s up with you tonight?” Ellie asks, twirling the end of her braid.
Abby takes a deep breath and says in a rush, “Are you dating Nora?”
Ellie drops Abby’s braid. “What?”
Slower Abby says, “I saw you hug her after the invasion outside of my room and then now you're talking with her all night. So I thought you might have gotten back together at some point.”
“Four months Abby,” Ellie shakes her head, standing up, “We’ve been together for four months and what you think I’ve been in a relationship with Nora this whole time.”
“Can you blame me?” Abby says going after Ellie as she walks away. Grabbing her arm, Abby leads her to a quiet corner. “You didn’t want to tell any of our friends about us and then now I see you talking and joking around with Nora after you disappeared with her.”
“I didn’t want to tell our friend because I didn’t want Nora to find out about us through gossip and Manny’s a loud mouth. But assignment schedules got all screwed up with the invasion and she’s been at the Hospital every time we’ve been back at the Stadium.” Ellie pauses, looking at Abby now through in a different light and the anger she felt before fades away. If the situation was reversed Ellie thinks she would have come to the same exact conclusion that Abby did.
Ellie takes Abby’s hands in hers. “I should have let you know what was going on sooner. It just all felt so complicated with Nora. Before the invasion she was so pissed off at me. When we broke up it wasn’t about you per say, but it also wasn't not about you. So this still seemed like something I should talk to her about, especially if we want to all stay friends. I went about it all wrong though. I never meant to hurt you.”
Ellie can see Abby's own anger deflate to as she pulls her into a hug, “I get it. I could have just asked too.”
“I can’t believe my own girlfriend was so chill thinking she was helping me cheat on one of her own friends.” Ellie says tucked into Abby’s arms. Ellie tries to turn her head up to look at Abby's face. “I don’t know how I feel about that.”
“Well in my defense you’ve never called me your girlfriend.”
“After what we do and how much time we spend together, I thought it was implied.” Ellie pulls a forearms length away from Abby, “Wait so when do you think our anniversary is? My birthday or fucking Halloween?”
“Ah…”
Ellie playfully narrows her eyes, “It’s today isn’t it.”
Abby give a caught expression. “Umm why not both?”
“Nah too many dates to remember. You have to pick one.” Ellie shakes her head then mutters, “God I can’t believe I fell in love with an idiot.”
Ellie feels Abby's arms tense around her.
“I’d say today is our anniversary,” Abby says, relaxing her arms once again. “Not because of the whole Nora misunderstanding, but because you finally called me your girlfriend and you said you loved me. Now you're really stuck with me.”
“Oh no,” Ellie fakes a scared face, “Whatever shall I do.”
They both start to laugh as Ellie pulls Abby down for a cherished kiss.
When they break apart Abby whispers, “I love you too”
“Hey what are you two doing over here?” A very drunk looking Manny slurs as he comes up to them. “Wait, were you guys kissing?”
Ellie and Abby share a look before nodding at him.
“What! No way since when?” Manny doesn’t give them a chance to answer. “Damn now I gotta give Nick my favorite gun.”
As Manny walks away Ellie turns to Abby, “Have they all been placing bets on us?”
“I don’t think we were very good at hiding in the first place.”
They can’t help, but burst out into laughter again as they see Manny by their friends, who have once again gathered around the couches waving his hands in their direction.
“I see why you didn’t want to tell him now.” Abby says.
“Fucking loud mouth.” Ellie whispers, raising a middle finger to their crowd of friends as they clearly aren’t as shocked by Manny’s new information as they should be.
Ellie can feel Abby’s laugh vibrating through her before she is brought into another kiss. For once not caring who sees them.
Notes:
Thank you for reading!!!
I can't believe this broke 100K! I thought at most it would be around 80K when I first started. So thank you everyone for supporting this story.
Some big things happened in this one so I hope you all liked some of the developments. (Also Ellabs not knowing how to communicate the stuff that truly matters.)
With the holidays coming up I might not be as consistent as I usually am in the month of December as I'll be traveling for Christmas for at least two weeks so I will not have as much time to write as I normally do. You can follow me on Tumblr if you want and I can try to give better updates there, but no pressure though.
( https://www.tumblr.com/randomgirlreading )Comments and Kudos are always appreciated and feedback is always welcome!
Preview to next Chapter:
Abby receives some good news and Ellie comes to a disturbing realization. Also don't forget Christmas.
(AKA. the 'Awe look aren't they so cute.... Time to wreck it' chapter.)
Chapter 25: Chapter 25
Summary:
Abby receives some good news and Ellie comes to a disturbing realization.
AKA the 'Awe look aren't they so cute time to wreck it' chapter.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Do you have Tennessee yet?” Ellie calls out to Abby from another room in the building they are currently looking through.
Holiday’s never last long in the WLF and less than a week after Halloween Abby and Ellie are back out on a quick patrol not far from the Stadium. The risk of infected being this close to a heavily looked after area is small, but not zero, so Abby makes sure to check the windows as she moves through the house to where Ellie is. They haven’t seen any Scars in the area either and Abby suspects that they have once again taken to staying closer to their Island as the weather turns colder.
It isn’t snowing yet, but Abby can almost feel the clouds grow heavier, just waiting for a few more water particles to freeze before the sky will let it all fall out. She guesses that it will only be a few more weeks before the first snow of the season hits.
Abby walks through the door to see Ellie flipping a quarter around in her hands. She’s wearing Abby’s beanie pulled low over her ears with her hood up, completely covering the small braid that Abby had made just before they left their room together that morning. Ellie also wears Abby’s extra WLF bomber jacket over her hoodie as well, the sleeves just slightly too long for her, but that works well as she has lost her gloves from last year and, in her words, she can’t steal all of Abby’s clothes. Mostly because Abby only has the one pair of gloves and Ellie has already refused to take them for such a short patrol.
“I don’t think so,” Abby grabs the coin out of Ellie’s hands.
She looks at it, but quickly puts it away in her bag to examine later in favor of grabbing Ellie’s cold hands in her warm ones.
“Thank you,” She says as she brings Ellie’s hands close to her mouth, blowing warm air onto them as she softly rubs her hands together with Ellie’s hands trapped between hers hoping to warm them up a bit.
Ellie gives a soft smile as she interlocks one hand and they continue walking through the house in relative silence, looking through to make sure there are no signs of the infected, Scars, or deserters.
“This is so stupid.” Ellie says as they move from one house to another. “None of these houses even have any windows left. That one doesn’t even have a roof. No one in their right mind would make this a camp in the winter.”
Abby shrugs, “We’re almost done with the loop. I’ll make us some hot chocolate when we get back.”
“Hmm hot chocolate. Who did you get that from?”
“Owen. He has a stash at the Aquarium and he owes me. So I have some.”
They are on their way back to the Studium hand in hand when Ellie turns to her and asks, “What do you think you’d be doing if there were no infected? Would you want to travel to all the places on those coins?”
“I don’t know,” Abby says, slowing her pace and adjusting her gun on her shoulder. “Fighting is kind of all I’ve really known for so long. It’s all I’m really good at.”
Ellie pulls her to a stop. “Well that’s just not true.”
“Yeah what am I good at? And you can’t say working out because that’s part of being good at fighting,” Abby says lightheartedly.
Ellie hums and makes an exaggerated thinking face. “You're a good friend. You were there for Nick when he and Adam broke up. You’re funny even when you don’t try to be. You’re protective—-“
“I feel like that should be lumped in with fighting.”
“Shut up, I'm not done,” Ellie swats at Abby’s arm, “As I was saying. You’re good at protecting others, but that doesn’t always have to mean fighting. It can mean you giving me your jacket or beanie when I don’t have one or when I insist that I’m not cold when we both know I am.”
Ellie’s gaze is too much for Abby to take and she pulls them back into a walk.
“You’re a good person Abby,” Ellie says after a few moments of walking. “Fighting is just what we all have to learn to be good at in order to survive. It doesn’t make up the majority of who you are unless you let it. You’re so much more than just good at fighting.”
Abby stops them in their tracks once again, turning to face Ellie. “You really think that?”
“Of course,” Ellie says, wrapping her arms around Abby's neck, pulling her into a short kiss. “Now answer my question. What would you want to do if we woke up tomorrow and there were no infected?”
Abby sighs, “You’re going to laugh.”
“No, I won't just tell me.”
“Ok, but don’t laugh. I know you're going to hate it, but probably start a farm or something like that. I don’t think I’d want to travel, unless you do. But even if the infected disappear tomorrow you still don’t know what kind of people are out there. Honestly, I’d take the infected over dealing with crazy people any day.”
Ellie predictably laughs, “I would not have expected you to like farming.”
“I knew you would laugh.” Abby dramatically breaks away from her.
“Wait come back,” Ellie grabs her arm before she can fully get away, “Okay I’m sorry for laughing. You would look really hot in a pair of overalls and a toothpick in your mouth. I’m into it. Actually…” Ellie pulls her in closer, “I could see waking up to that in the morning. Now who’s the cowgirl?”
“This is why I didn’t want to tell you.”
“Why? Don't you like being called a cowgirl?”
“You’re lucky I love you.” Abby says.
“Oh I’m lucky? You’re lucky I love you enough to entertain living on a farm with you,” Ellie says, eyes darting between Abby’s lips and her eyes.
Abby takes pity on her and bridges the gap between them, resting her gloved hand on her cold check as she brings their lips together.
Their kiss is cut short by a loud bang sounding from around the corner and they are both instantly on guard with their weapons out and trained on the side of the building where the sound came from.
Rounding the corner, Abby doesn’t see any signs of people, infected or otherwise. The only thing in the alleyway is a dumpster half pulled away from the wall.
Ellie lightly touches her arm gently maneuvering them so that she is in front of Abby in the alley. She motions for Abby to take a wide berth around the dumpster to be able to shoot into it if there is anything inside that will attack Ellie as she opens the flap. Abby nods her head and slowly walks to her position, all the while not taking her eyes off the dumpster.
Ellie looks at her to make sure that she is in position and Abby repositions her gun before she nods her head eyes still trained on the lid of the dumpster. Ellie quickly flips open the lid and backs away quickly with her pistol raised.
Nothing comes out.
Ellie looks between Abby and the dumpster before moving closer to look inside.
“Ellie,” Abby whisper-yells at her when she sees her climb up the side of the dumpster to get a better look in.
“There’s nothing even in here,” Ellie says, hopping back down from the edge and wiping her palms on her jeans as she walks over to Abby.
She doesn’t make it all the way back to her before the dumpster moves again.
Ellie stops in her tracks, crouching down to get a look under the thing, “Something is under it.”
“Careful,” Abby says, as Ellie gets closer to the dumpster once again.
“Help me move this thing,” Ellie says, moving to the back of the dumpster to push it further from the wall.
“We don’t know what it is. Just leave it.”
“Humour me Abby.”
“It’s probably just a rat.” Abby says, but she is already walking to where Ellie is to help her.
Ellie smiles when she sees her round the corner of the dumpster. “What if it’s a mutant rat?”
“That seems like more reason to leave it alone.”
“What if it has super powers?” Ellie says, throwing a mischievous look over at Abby, “Or what if it’s training four mutant turtles and got lost?”
“Should we give him some pizza and help him get back to the sewers?”
“Now you got it,” Ellie says with a wink at Abby as they both push the dumpster further from the wall.
When Abby steps back from her place by the dumpster she sees the saddest sight she could have imagined.
There, hiding under the dumpster surrounded by empty bags of chips and other kinds of twenty plus year old trash, lies a pathetic looking dog with its nose buried in a can of black beans. The noise must have been the dog trying to tear into the can for its supper. Where the can came from, Abby doesn’t have a clue, but one thing she knows is that this dog is scared and starving.
Abby can’t really blame the beast for being scared out here by itself, what with all the infected, Scars, and WLF members running around. The dog itself looks to be some kind of mut. It doesn’t look exactly like the German Shepherds the WLF breed and raise as guard dog, but at the same time there are some very distinct German Shepherd features that the dog carries, like it’s ears that stick straight up with slightly rounded tips.
The fur of the dog looks to be a mostly a gray color with darker splatterings of spots all over its body, but with the amount of dirt covering the dog it is hard to tell exactly what color its fur is. When the dog looks up at her, Abby can see that the scattering of the darker color has converged to form a large solid color around one of its eyes. Its fur bristles at the intruders and its light blue eyes darken as a growl boiled out of its throat.
Abby is just about to suggest that they leave the dog alone before it attacks them when she sees Ellie reach into her bag and pull out a stick of jerky. The dog’s nose turns slightly into the air as its growl stops. Slowly Ellie crouches down and holds the jerky out to the clearly malnourished dog. The dog backs further away as Ellie moves, but once it sees the food in her hands the dog slowly creeps out to them. Sniffing all the way until it is within reaching distances. Abby hadn't noticed that the dog had been limping until it quickly dashes up to grab the jerky from Ellie’s hand before going back under the dumpster.
Ellie takes out another stick of jerky and the dog inches out again, but this time Abby can clearly see how it doesn’t put any weight on its front left paw.
This time instead of taking the jerky and running away again, it stays close to Ellie sniffing hand for more food before settling close to her.
“Hey little miss,” Ellie says, petting the wiry looking fur on the dog's underbelly. “This paw looks really bad. You think anyone at the Stadium could fix it up?”
Abby sits in front of her holding her hand out for the dog to sniff. The dog doesn’t seem to care about Abby at all and lets her start to pet her as well. Abby is shocked at how soft and smooth the fur is.
“There are a few veterinarians to take care of the dogs in the kennel, but I don’t know if they can help.”
“Let’s just take her back to the Stadium with us,” Ellie says standing up. When she does the dog whimpers and licks his injured paw from its place still laying down.
“We can’t really carry the thing all the way.”
“You trying to tell me your muscles are just for show?”
Abby narrows her eyes at Ellie’s mischievous look. “What I mean is, if the dog tries to break free she could injure herself more or even one of us by trying to get away. We should go back and bring someone back here.”
“Well I’m not leaving Beans behind. Come on,” Ellie says, scooping the dog up into her arms.
The dog doesn’t make a sound as it nestles into Ellie’s arms.
It takes a moment for Ellie’s words to register in Abby’s mind and Ellie is already halfway down the alley when Abby says, “Did you just name the dog Beans?”
“What? She had her head stuck in a can of beans when we found her. It’s the perfect name.”
“You're such a goober.” Abby mutters, but can’t help the smile that spreads across her face as she follows close behind Ellie.
Her worry is forgotten as she sees how calm Beans is in Ellie’s arms.
* * *
They make it back to the Studium with Beans in record time and luckily Michael, the vet that takes care of the other dogs, is in the kennel when they get there and is able to check the dog out.
Beans doesn’t go easily into Michael's care so Abby and Ellie find themselves in the back of the kennel where the dogs get their check ups. Everytime Ellie moves her hand of the fur Beans whimpers and turns to find her again so she hasn’t left the dogs side since getting there, even helping to wash most of the grim of the dog in a bath.
Once they get Beans all cleaned up, Abby can see that the fur she had once thought was gray is actually white and the darker splotches in the fur are really an auburn color, just a bit more vibrant than Ellie’s hair, but not by much.
“This dog was definitely the rut of whatever litter it was a part of. It looks like some kind of mix between a German Shepherd and an Australian Cattle dog.” Michael says, looking at the x-rays after examining the rest of the dog for more injuries, “She’s extremely malnourished and her paw has been broken in the past and healed wrong before this break. Even if it heals right this time she’ll still probably have a limp for the rest of her life. We can’t really take care of her here in the kennel. We don’t have the space for her to have the space she’ll need and she’ll be torn apart by the bigger dogs if we let her in with the others. They’ll think they can pay with her like they do their other brothers and sisters when they shouldn’t.”
“What if we take her?” Ellie says slowly petting Beans as she doses off. “Is there any rule against having a dog in our rooms? Just until she is healed enough to be in the kennel with the others without risking her getting hurt more?””
“There’s no rule per se, but I highly doubt she’ll be cleared as a guard dog even after she heals.” Michael says as he starts to create a split to keep the dog's paw straight.
“Hum don’t discount her so easily. She’s a survivor.” Ellie finally looks at Abby for the first time. “Is that okay?”
Abby, who had been leaning against the doorway throughout the whole interaction, just stares at Ellie with a deadpan face.
“Come on, look at her.” Ellie says, cracking a smile at Abby, “She has your eyes.”
Abby can’t keep her deadpan expression as she looks from Ellie to the blue eyes of Beans.
Michael hums, “And she has your hair Ellie.”
Ellie’s eyes shoot back to Michael then down at Beans before a laugh bubbles out of her. “Shit your right. She’s perfect for us.”
“She’ll need a better bath before I make any decisions,” Abby says trying to remain the voice of reason, but based on Ellie’s smile as she looks at her she knows she has just gotten her way.
Abby has to admit that Beans does kind of have Ellie’s hair with the auburn coloring of her fur and while Abby’s eyes are nowhere near as striking as Beans’s, if Ellie says they have the same eyes then they do. And something about that just warms Abby’s heart.
No one dares to say anything to them as they walk up the outdoor Stadium stairs and use the back entrance to their room to bring the dog up to her new home.
* * *
Beans becomes Ellie’s shadow as she heals, relatively quickly, through the rest of November. She does still have a limp, but as each day goes by she continues to get stronger.
Within the first week of December snow finally starts to fall and talks of holiday celebrations start to circulate around the group, but unlike last year Owen does not offer up his Aquarium for a get together. Owen makes it clear that he wants to spend his first anniversary with Mel alone and with no central location to hold them together the group splits off from there.
Nora, Manny, and Nick decide to attend the celebration taking place in the Dining Hall to try to---in Manny’s words---pick up a Christmas fling. Jordan and Leah are planning to take advantage of Nick being out to spend some time together in Jordan’s room without Nick there. So Ellie and Abby make their own plans to head to Theater to spend the holiday truly alone.
Well, alone plus Beans.
Abby doesn’t know what Ellie has been planning, but she has been sneaking out, sometimes with Beans, to the Theater for a few days each week. She has told Abby, in no uncertain terms, not to follow her out there so the only thing Abby knows is that Ellie is in fact planning something.
Ellie had already left for the Theater by the time Abby got back from a watch shift at the front of the Stadium. Abby finds a note lying on her bed saying that Ellie will be waiting her at the Theater and that Beans is with her.
She shakes her head and gathers the presents she got for Ellie from under the bed. It was a small colored pencil case, a new journal, and new guitar strings. The pencils and journal Abby found out on patrol one day, but the guitar strings were something that Manny’s father found, so technically she guesses that part of the gift is really from him too.
Before she could make it down the hallway to the main area Manny runs up to her, slapping her lightly on the shoulder.
“Isaac wants to see you in his office before the celebration,” He says as he runs past.
“What are you running for?”
“I got things to do before the party.” He turns around to walk backwards, “You still going off with Ellie to your mystery place?”
“Shut up.” Abby calls after him as he turns back around to head off to wherever it is he is heading.
Abby pivots to walk up the stairs heading in the direction of Isaac’s office. He had only just gotten back from FOB not even a few weeks ago. With the winter setting in, the Scar attacks have decreased significantly allowing everyone to breathe a little easier.
When she gets there his door is creaked open.
“Hello,” Abby knocks twice on the open door before entering to see Isaac sitting facing the window, but when he hears her enter he turns around.
“Some travelers came to the Wall not too long ago. Dougcan handled the trading.” Isaac looks Abby up and down, eyes pausing on the bag in her hand. “I thought you might be interested in what one of them said about a town they passed through.”
At first Abby is confused. Why would she care about some town a traveler went through? But then it dawns on her and she feels sick for forgetting even for a moment.
“Did they find him?” Abby’s heart starts to race as guilt and hope fills her.
Isaac shakes his head, “No, but they did mention a Tommy Miller. Said he’s living out in Wyoming in a place called Jackson.”
Abby’s shoulders drop, “Why would I care Tommy Miller?”
“Because I remember Marlene talking about a Tommy Miller being the brother of Joel Miller.”
“There could be a thousand Tommy Miller’s. Miller isn’t exactly an uncommon last name.”
“True, But they say this one talked about his brother,” Isaac pauses, looking her in the eye, “His brother named Joel.”
_______
Ellie really wanted everything to be perfect for when Abby gets to the Theater. She stole some hot chocolate from Owen, got some lights from an abandoned hardware store, and even found a fake Christmas tree in the storage room and decorations to set it up.
She has everything ready to go and is just finishing the final touches on the stocking she made for Abby when Beans ears perk up and she is running up the stairs to the fire escape where Abby and Ellie usually enter from in order to keep the front door barricaded. Ellie had even trained Beans how to wait outside for her to climb up the ladder and let her in.
“Hi Beans,” Ellie can hear Abby’s voice from the second floor and she can almost see Abby bending down to pet Beans in her mind's eye.
“Ellie!” Abby says as she comes down the stairs to the lobby where Ellie had set up the majority of the decorations.
When Ellie turns around Abby is paused on the stairs, eyes darting from the tree to the lights thrown all around to the stocking in Ellie’s hand with her name on it as she tries to tack it up on the reception desk.
“Surprise!” Ellie says when she finally gets the stocking to stay without falling. “Not going to lie I thought you were going to take longer getting here so—-“
Ellie is interrupted by Abby appearing behind her and spinning her round for a kiss. The kiss is slow, despite the abrupt nature of the beginning of it. As Ellie’s eyes flutter closed she melts into Abby embrace allowing her to set the pace for whatever it is she wants in the moment.
As Abby pulls away slowly, Ellie re-opens her eyes to see Abby’s full of unspoken love and affection. It still amazes Ellie how much Abby can say without saying anything at all. Abby doesn’t need to tell Ellie that she loves her when she looks at her like that.
“What were you saying?” Abby asks.
Ellie pulls her back into her, “It doesn’t really matter.”
*
Eventually they settled in front of the couch near the fireplace in the lobby with all the blankets Ellie could find in the Theater. Beans is already snoring from her pile of blankets not far from where Ellie is tucked into Abby’s side as they sit exchanging stories from their youth. It is probably the most she has talked about Riley since she was thirteen, before they both got bit.
“I didn’t even know how to swim until I was almost sixteen. So why she thought we could just go to the beach and swim with the dolphins is beyond me.”
“Did you guys end up making it there?” Abby asks, playing with her hair.
“Not a chance. Fucking Bethany ratted us out before we could make it out and we were put in locked down for a week and made to write a five page paper on why sneak out of the school is dangerous.”
“Fuck. What did you end up writing?”
“I just wrote five pages of the sentence ‘sneaking out of the school is dangerous’. I don’t think anyone actually read the paper. And Riley never did get to see her favorite animal.”
Ellie feels Abby’s chest shake with her silent laughter.
“Ok so what is your favorite animal then?” Abby asks.
“Hmm, other than dinosaurs? Probably giraffes. We came across some that had escaped from the zoo. It was awesome. That in this fucked up world there was still something good out there not only surviving, but thriving. We were on the second floor of this building that was falling apart so we were at the perfect height to feed and pet them. It made me feel like there was still something good in the world. For a while at least.”
Abby runs her fingers through her hair. “Museum Guy?”
Ellie nods her head. “The one and only. He’s also the one that taught me how to play guitar and swim, fucker even pushed me into a lake on our hike to the museum too. Did I tell you that? Told me I needed to work on my confidence.” Ellie huffs out in false anger.
“Sounds like this guy just adopted you and forgot to tell you?” Abby chuckles.
Ellie’s smile fades not that Abby can see it.
“What about you?” Ellie asks, quickly changing the subject. “You have a favorite animal?”
“I don’t know if I have a favorite, but I do have a fond memory of helping my dad get a pregnant zebra unstuck from a fence as she was giving birth. It’s amazing how fast those babies just start walking.”
“Was your dad a veterinarian pre-outbreak?” Ellie asks, confused. It was not uncommon in Jackson for doctors to treat both animals as well as people and she knew of a few doctors there that were originally veterinarians pre-outbreak. Granted they don’t do more than splint a few broken arms, but still.
“Nah, he was a surgeon, but he did always find animals a little easier to deal with then people.” Abby’s hand stops running through Ellie’s hair as she sits up. “That reminds me. I have good news.”
Ellie sits up too moving to lean against the couch to better see Abby.
“I know I haven’t really been that forthcoming about a lot of things when it comes to my dad. It’s just hard to talk about him without risking the nightmares getting worse, you know? But I want you to know.”
Ellie nods, interlacing their fingers together and squeezing once to encourage her to continue.
“He was killed. Horribly. He didn’t even have a weapon. When I got to the room he was already dead. One bullet, shot in the head.” Abby’s eyes stare off into the fire in front of them leaving Ellie to view her profile as she speaks. “It’s what I dream about when I get the nightmares. I’m never fast enough to save him. Sometimes I hear him calling for me on the other side of the door, but when I open it he is just there on the ground shot through. I can’t shake the feeling that if I had just been there then he would still be alive today.”
Abby stops for a moment clearly thinking about her nightmares. Ellie's heart breaks for her and she gives her hand another squeeze to bring her attention back to the present.
Abby smiles at her. Before continuing, “For close to four years now I’ve been looking for the man that killed him. And today Isaac told me about a lead. He’s letting me take a team out to see where it leads and I want you to come.”
Ellie cups Abby’s cheek, turning her so that they are facing each other. “Of course. You said where I go, you go. Did you think that was one sided?”
Abby shakes her head and her face lights up. “Thank you. You don’t know how much that means to me. Having you there with me when I make him pay for what he did.”
Ellie pulls Abby back down, switching their positions so that Abby is low enough to rest her head on Ellie’s chest.
“I wouldn’t let you do something like this alone,” Ellie says, running her fingers through Abby’s hair. “Where is this mother fucker anyways?”
“Well technically, I still don’t know for sure, but Isaac found his brother Tommy…”
Ellie’s hand stops it’s movement through Abby’s hair and a rock hits the bottom of her stomach. She doesn’t know how she could have forgotten who Abby was or how she and her father were both Fireflies there in Salt Lake City. Or maybe she just chose to forget what Joel did in the hospital. But suddenly, Ellie doesn’t need Abby to finish her sentence to know exactly who she is looking for.
“... Miller in a place called Jackson, Wyoming.”
Notes:
Thank you so much for reading!!!
I hope you all enjoyed the addition of their new child Beans (I know the name is silly, but personally I love stupid pet names and I feel like Ellie would too) brought to you by a conversation with Aoqte.
December is shaping up to be a bit busier for me then I thought it was going to be. (My work is expecting me to do this dumb thing called my job while I'm there, sounds fake but okay. lol)
So I'll be taking a little bit of a break until the new year. If I'm not back by the January 6th feel free to bug me (I will still be reading and responding to comments).
I'll still be working on this story when I have the chance I just can't promise that I'll have anything good written by next week and I kind of feel like this is a good place to pause right before the Jackson Arc starts. (even though it is a bit of a cliff hanger sorry about that).
Comments and Kudos are always appreciated and feedback is always welcome.
Ps. If there is any glaring mistakes please let me know. I finished this at 12:20am my time so who knows what my tired eyes missed.
Preview to next chapter:
Abby notices that Ellie is being distant, but doesn't know why.
(They are on their way to Jackson)
Chapter 26: Chapter 26
Summary:
Hello!
So I totally lied in the last chapters preview, but in my defense I started writing this thinking that is was just going to be just a little snippet before I got back to Abby and Ellie in present time, but then I wrote 5k words and it kind of became its own thing.
But anyways what has Joel been up to/ how did he react to Ellie being missing? Enjoy!
TW: alcoholism, PSTD
I might need to add tags just for Joel lol.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Summer
2 Years Earlier
Jackson, Wyoming
“Hey Jesse,” Joel calls out to the young asian boy as he walks out of his meeting with Maria in the Tipsy Bison about some new additions to the community.
The boy turns around more frightened than he should be if he wasn’t just doing something he shouldn't be. Or maybe he’s still just as frightened of him as he was two years ago when he first met him.
“Yes Mister Miller?”
Joel waves off the title as he clamps his hand down on Jesse’s shoulder in what he hopes is a friendly manner. Tommy’s been telling him that he needs to soften up a bit now that he is in town. That this isn’t a QZ or the wild where backstabbers and hunters would kill you without warning simply for the clothes on your back or the food in your bag. It’s a community and he has to learn to start acting like he belongs in one again.
“Have you seen Ellie around anywhere? I can’t find her and Maria says she had yesterday and today off from patrol.”
Jesse looks around, like Ellie will materialize out of nowhere and save him before he shakes his head. “Last I saw her, was last week? She might be hanging out with Cat or Dina in the Baltimores’s house though.”
Joel nods and pats his shoulder, maybe a little harder than he intended to.
“Thanks, I’ll have to check there next.” He mutters more to himself than anyone else and Jesse tries to hurry away, but before he is gone Joel yells back out to him, “Good luck out there on patrol. Tommy tells me you're mighty fine with a gun, keep it up.”
Jesse damn near trips at the compliment, but rights himself up quickly trying to do some sort of a combination of a bow and a hand wave before he turns and runs off.
Joel cracks a smile at his behavior as he turns to walk back to his home.
Home.
For so long it’s been a foreign concept for him. Even with Tess, wherever they happened to be for a night was just some place to sleep for a few hours in between jobs, be that legitimate or their smuggling ones it didn’t matter. They still had to move every few weeks to their different hideouts depending on how well or horrible each job went. So being somewhere not only safe, but stable was something Joel was still getting used to even two years in.
Joel can only imagine what it’s been like for Ellie.
Making friends in a place like this, especially with what he knows of her childhood, couldn't have been easy for his baby girl. But, out of all of the young kids Ellie could have befriended Joel is glad that she chose that kid running away.
Jesse’s a good shot with the gun, he’s good looking for a kid his age---Joel is sure he’ll grow into his long limbs someday--- and the Chang’s have instilled a kind of respect in him that Joel can only hope rubs off on Ellie to some small degree.
It’s not that Joel is planning a wedding or anything for the two of them, but he does have a joking bet going on with his brother about when they will start dating.
So far Joel is losing that bet, but that is fine with him. No need for her growing up too fast.
He pauses one foot on his front step and looks across the street to the Baltimore’s house.
He contemplates turning and crossing the street, there’s probably something he can offer to fix and make it seem like he wasn’t trying to check up on her. The Baltimore’s had been in Jackson since the beginning and usually needed all the help they could get. Taking care of that many orphan children until they are old enough to live on their own can’t be easy for the elderly couple to manage, but they rarely even ask for help. Usually Joel would just pop in for some coffee and conversation until Charlie Baltimore would mention something off handed that needs fixing and Joel would find himself spending the afternoon leveling a table or fixing a window. If these times happen to correspond with when he and Ellie would get into arguments and she’d go hang out with her friends under the Baltimore’s care instead of spend time with him then that just happened to be a coincidence, didn’t it?
Joel shakes his head at his thoughts, she's a seventeen year old girl who needs her space not him invading her time with her friends. He just hopes this argument blows over soon; it's not like he didn’t see her tattoo when they were out trying to find new guitar strings; he just never got a good look at it until that breakfast and he wasn’t expecting to see the moth that he had carved into her guitar to rest right on top of the burn scar.
Seeing it momentarily shocked him. He had carved it into her guitar as a sign of change, vulnerability, and growth. A sort of hope that it would help her adapt to this new place and to see it etched into her skin.
He just wanted to ask if it meant the same thing to her as it did to him, that was all, but like usual he found it so damn hard to open his mouth and speak to her sometimes. Some conversations came easily, like if they were joking around about a film, but others felt like pulling teeth to get through. He wonders briefly if he would have eventually felt the same way if Sarah had made it to this age, but he pushes down the comparison.
Joel still has a few hours to kill before he has to be on the construction site to repair the Western wall of the gate. So he settles in to make himself a cup of coffee as he looks out his back window to view Ellie’s garage. No matter how many times he has told her that any of his rooms were hers if she wants it, she always refused, saying that some personal space will do wonders for the both of them.
Her words did very little to calm his worry especially when not even a week into their stay in Jackson she decided to chemically burn her arm one night all alone. Those screams took him back to Sarah terrified, injured, and clinging on to him as he ran down the streets. He shakes his head at the memory.
Joel takes his cup out to the back porch to sit and enjoy the nice summer breeze. If Ellie happens to come back and wants to talk to him? Well that would just be a plus.
But Ellie doesn’t come back by the time he has to leave so all Joel can tell himself is that she’ll walk in tonight and put on a shitty movie for them to watch together.
That also doesn’t happen.
Two more days go by before Joel starts to really worry.
This time Jesse is the one that comes to him asking where she is.
“She didn’t show up to group patrol yesterday and Eugene said that she probably just slept in so we went without her. But I’m starting to get a bit worried. Cat says she hasn’t seen her the last few days and Dina hasn’t either. She wouldn’t just miss patrol.” Jesse says all in a rush when Joel opens his door. “She’s usually there before I even get there.”
“Okay, Calm down son,” Joel says, putting a hand on Jesse's shoulder trying to keep the kid from hyperventilating. “Just breathe. It’s not like she would go anywhere without Shimmer.”
If it was possible for Jesse’s face to go paler it did.
“Son,” Joel says, voice hardening. “Shimmer’s still in the stable right?”
Jesse doesn’t need to say anything for Joel to know the answer, but he swallows thickly and shakes his head anyways.
“How long has Shimmer been gone for?”
Jesse shakes his head, “I don’t know. Everyone is saying a different time, but Shimmer isn’t exactly an unforgettable horse. There are seven others that look exactly like her in the stable and I swear I saw one in Shimmer’s stall when you first asked me where she went, but I just don’t know now.”
“Calm down. Sorry for working you up,” Joel says, trying to soften his tone the best he can in his current headspace. “Go down to the Bison and talk to Tommy for me will you. I’ll check her studio. We will find her.”
Joel doesn’t wait to watch the boy sprint off down the street.
He goes directly to the door of her garage. Clenching both his fists in his hand he tries to calm himself. She could just not be feeling well. Maybe someone else took Shimmer out for a ride. Just because Ellie likes riding Shimmer the best doesn’t mean she is the only one to do so. Everything is communal here. Joel has to remind himself, but deep down Joel knows she won’t be in her studio.
He has to check anyway, but he knocks first just in case. When he hears no answer he goes in.
Locks aren’t really something that most people use in the town. Sure they can lock and bolt their doors when they are in them or when they want to, but most people don’t see the point. Why risk being thrown out of town and left for the hordes or hunters. Joel himself has taken part in ensuring that certain people never stepped foot back on Jackson land ever again for undermining the good well of the folks here, but it doesn’t happen often.
Ellie’s studio is fairly clean, a lot cleaner then Joel remembers his own room being when he was seventeen. He doesn’t know if that is just due to the fact that the girl has mainly been living alone here or if she has just always been this neat. She was a student in a military school after all so Joel would have thought that she’d have rebelled and made a mess, but she didn’t.
If he wasn’t so damn worried about her he would be proud of the young lady she is becoming.
He is proud of her, but as he takes a quick look around her room to find no signs that she has been in this room for the last few days his pride is overshadowed by fear.
“Joel,” Tommy comes into the room out of breath, clearly having run from the Tipsy Bison all the way to his house.
Joel looks up at him as he catches his breath, before his eyes continue to scan the room for any sign of where she would have gone, “She’s gone Tommy. I don’t know for how long, but she’s gone.”
“Where would she have gone all alone? Why would she go somewhere without telling anyone?”
Joel’s eyes stop dead on Ellie’s guitar. It’s strings are still just a little bit frayed. He remembers sitting with her on the couch going over the different hand positions not long after they got here. Joel thought that he had escaped all the uncomfortable questions on their five mile walk to Jackson, but he has felt a distance forming between them for some time now. A distance that only grew after their trip to find the guitar strings when they fought all those infected and found the bodies of those two teenagers.
Joel’s fingers barely brush the guitar he made for her before he turns to his brother. “I know where she went.”
* * *
Getting to the Saint Mary’s Hospital in Salt Lake City took almost two days. It would have only taken one if Old Beardy didn’t need to rest every hour or so, but he wasn’t a young stallion by any means anymore so Joel made do that best he could. If there was a car still working around Jackson it would have been four hours, if whatever car he found was still in working order that is.
With each hour that passed by, another stone dropped into the pit of Joel's stomach until he found himself looking up at the windows of the hospital building. He has to remind himself that the likelihood of Fireflies still being here is low, but that doesn’t mean that no one is here. Ellie could very well be in danger.
Flashes of her face in the snow in Colorado cross his mind as he hopes off Old Beary and runs the rest of the way into the building not bothering to tie him up.
The Hospital lobby is more shot through then he remembers it being. Then again he wasn’t really looking at the furniture the last time he was here either so it might have looked like this before he was done with the place. He doesn’t give the room more than a quick sweep before he is rushing up the stairs. He only makes it up the first flight before he doubles over holding his head as the memories pound into his skull.
Gunshots ring in his head from years ago. Light flashes in front of his eyes even though they are closed. Screams echo through the walls. The only other time Joel has felt this way was right after his first smuggling missions with Tommy. It was supposed to be an easy mission, but Tommy got caught and no one got out of the FEDRA prison alive back in the early days.
After killing the FEDRA guards to get Tommy out before he could be put away for good, they had to leave Texas altogether. It was not until they were on the road camping out in an abandoned house that the gunshots rose in his head and the empty neighborhood became the Austin QZ in his mind again. It was the first time he had killed that many humans, not just infected.
Tommy was the one that joined the Army pre-outbreak, not him.
Thankfully, Tommy stayed asleep and by morning the neighborhood came back to Joel, but he was changed after that day. He started trusting others less and pushing people away, only really caring about those closest to him. For the longest time that was just Tommy then slowly Tess came into the mix, until Joel finally pushed Tommy too far and he went and joined the Fireflies, leaving Joel behind.
Joel shakes his head trying to clear the screams and gunshots ringing in his ears. When he opens his eyes they land on a dark stain in the concrete and his mind fills in the body that must have laid there. Joel had never been back to any of the places where he had killed someone before.
He couldn’t.
It’s easier to push away the ghosts when he isn’t surrounded by them, encased in them, suffocated by them.
He pushes himself up the rest of the staircase. He doesn’t call her name. A part of him knows she’s not here. Her horse wasn’t outside so even if she had come here, she must be long gone by now.
Joel doesn’t know why he keeps going, barely peeking into the other room as he walks past. He knows she’s no longer here, but he still continues on to that room.
The hallway feels longer than it did back then, but Joel still gets to the door faster than he thought he would.
As Joel opens the door, he doesn’t know what he expects to find there. It’s not like the hospital is still riddled with the bodies of the ones he killed getting here so there must have been some people still left to bury the fallen. The room is clear and damn near spotless except for the dust that comes with years of neglect. There isn’t even a sign of what Joel did here that day.
Joel doesn’t usually think about the people he’s killed, doesn’t wonder about them or their life before that moment. He never saw a point in it, it was only ever their live or his and he never had an issue choosing his own survival over anyone else's. Maybe Joel has been growing soft since living in Jackson, but in this room he finds himself thinking about that doctor.
He knows he made the right decision in getting Ellie out of here and he doesn’t regret that one bit, but as the memories play back in his head he can’t stop the twisting in his gut.
It was Ellie or that doctor and nothing was going to keep him from getting to her. He could have spared him. There are a million things he could have done differently, but at the end of the day nothing was going to stop him from getting her to safety. And in the end he didn’t even recognize him as a person, just an obstacle in his way that he had to get rid of.
He can’t honestly say he wouldn’t do it again if for whatever reason the clock turns back and he gets a second chance, but that doesn’t stop the pit in his stomach from growing wider. The fact that his body is buried somewhere out there means that he was loved by someone. Maybe he had a wife or a kid somewhere and Joel took that away, but he can’t dwell on all of that now.
Joel leaves that room, locking the memories away again as the door closes. He can feel the walls that Ellie bulldozed through start to erect again around him and by the time he is back in the lobby Joel once again feels numb to his actions from two years ago.
He is halfway to the door again when he notices the reception desk and the only thing left in tacit on it. For a piece of furniture so shot through to still have something on it undamaged seems more than a little unlikely. How long it had been there Joel doesn’t have a clue, but he still runs to it feeling the last of his hope rise in his chest. He quickly picks up the recorder, but before he can press play he sees the letter underneath it.
A letter addressed to him.
Joel,
If you are reading this then you must know that I know you lied to me by now. I thought about staying. About seeing how long it would take for you to come after me. About confronting you. Asking why you lied to me for two years. Would this be the first place you thought to come to or not? Does what you did here weigh on you at all? Even a little bit?
They were going to make a cure and my life would have fucking mattered, but you took that from me. We came all this way. Lost so much; Riley, Henry, Sam, Tess. Do their sacrifices mean nothing to you? We went through hell together only for none of it to matter in the end.
I just don’t think I can ever forgive you for that. I’m not coming back to Jackson until I finish what we started almost three years ago. I can’t pretend like this all didn’t happen. If you did make it here, turn back and go home. Don’t try to find me. Maybe after I find the Fireflies and they run their tests I’ll come back and be ready to forgive you, but I have to at least try to make this right somehow.
Forget about this piece of cargo.
Ellie
Joel doesn’t know how he finds himself sitting on the ground back up against the reception desk, recorder half forgotten on the ground beside him as he reads the note over and over again.
Cargo? He thinks, She can’t possibly think that he still views her as cargo after all this time. After everything? She should know that she means so much more to him than that.
The numbness he felt before creeps back in. A numbness he remembers living with for far too long. Twenty years long. He never thought he would feel this way again.
Three things are clear to Joel after reading this note again.
Ellie has no idea what the cost of the cure was going to be.
She is out there somewhere looking for them.
And he has no idea where she would go.
Joel’s knuckles hit the recorder as his hand falls to the ground beside him, the pain making him remember that the note wasn’t alone on the table. Picking the device up again he rewinds to the beginning and presses play.
“Most people have left already. I don’t know which group I’m going to join…
I was one of the ones that wanted to go after the smuggler and the girl. They said… Even if we found her, or by some miracle found someone else that’s immune, it’d make no difference. ‘Cause the only person who could develop a vaccine is dead.”
Joel stops listening after he hears the words ‘ which group I’m going to join…’ This must have been what made her go off on her own. The hope that the Fireflies are still out there somewhere searching for the cure.
Searching for Ellie.
Joel knows they’re not. He hadn’t wanted to keep track of the Fireflies, but Tommy had kept his ear to the ground after Joel had told him about what had happened and the last he heard the Fireflies were no more. Tommy never said that it had anything to do with the events that took place here, but judging from this recorder Joel can guess that it did.
He never meant for that to happen, but he can’t say that he is sad about it. Ellie would be safe if there are no more Fireflies. So why is she trying to find them if she knows it’s done and there’s nothing she can do for these people? Did she find something else that pointed her to where one of these groups are? Were there still people here when she got here?
Is she even still alive?
Joel shakes his head. He knows she is alive. She’s just like him. A survivor. He doesn’t know how but he knows she is still out there somewhere.
She can’t be anything, but alive.
* * *
He doesn’t know how long he spent going through that hospital looking for anything that could possibly give him a glimpse into where she could have thought to go next and all he found was unmarked graves and dust.
One grave had a pile of quarters shallowly dug on top of the mound. Joel stopped there the longest wondering why someone would do something like that. Did the guy collect them? Or is it some kind of burial ritual that the Fireflies have. Joel didn’t think they had anything like that, but he had never been a part of the group so who is he to judge?
Something about the quarters makes him remember Sarah’s old literature homework that he found one day. Something about the dead being buried with two coins on their eye to pay the fiery man to take their soul across the river to the underworld. Looking at this person's grave Joel can guess that the man's soul made it across just fine.
Joel doesn't know why, but he goes back inside. He had seen a quarter somewhere in his search. After retrieving it he makes his way back out to that grave and places it on top with the rest.
“I don’t know who you are. If you had a family. If you were young or old. I’m not going to stand here and say that I’m sorry for what I did to you. You all were just trying to save the world and that’s respectable, but I had to save mine too. I already lost it once. I couldn’t lose it again.” Joel shakes his head, “And now it’s slipping through my fingers anyways.”
He leaves not long after that having not found anything to point him in the direction she could have taken. The whole trip back to Jackson passes in a daze for Joel. He barely remembers getting back on his horse, the recorder and Ellie’s note tucked into his backpack.
Tommy is at the gate to welcome him back in. One look at his face and Joel knows he thinks she’s dead. It’s the same look Joel’s seen on his face after Sarah’s death.
They walk slowly to his house not saying a word. They don’t need to. When they get inside Joel fishes out the recorder and her note, passing them both to Tommy to read and listen to while Joel goes to the fridge and grabs them both a beer. Joel pauses and pours himself more than a shot of some whisky before going back to the living room. He can hear the tape being paused, rewound, and played again and he takes a deep breath before heading back out to him.
Joel looks at his brother sitting on his couch. The same couch Joel and Ellie would sit on to watch their stupid movies. He sees the wrinkles deepen on Tommy’s face as he thinks.
“She’s not dead,” Joel says from the doorway. “She’s out there looking for Fireflies… alone.”
Tommy looks up and Joel can tell there is something Tommy is thinking about or remembering that he is trying to decide whether or not to tell him.
“If you know of any where the Fireflies might be you had better tell me Tommy. Right the fuck now.”
Tommy scratches his bread. “I don’t know anything for certain, but I did hear some rubbleings that the Fireflies are trying to regroup, but it’s coming from every which way imaginable. It’s impossible to tell what reports are true.”
“Where was the last one saying they were regrouping? Could Ellie have overheard and then got it into her head that she could make it there one her own?”
“I don’t think she heard it here,” Tommy shakes his head. “The last I heard they were trying to regroup down south in Arizona, but that was months ago when those travelers came through. They didn’t talk about it with anyone, but me and Eugene so I don’t think Ellie heard. Dina might have. She was working on some project with Eugene and I can’t remember if she had left already by that time or not.”
“So it is possible that she might have overheard and told Ellie,” Joel says, stepping forward and handing his brother a beer and sitting in his reading chair.
“It’s possible, but unlikely Ellie wouldn’t have told anyone that she has any connection to the Fireflies so why would Dina tell her?”
Joel takes a sip of his drink, thinking. “Arizona you said?”
“What are you thinking Joel?”
Joel drains his beer, “I’m thinking that she has no idea what they were planning on doing to her in that hospital. I’m thinking that we barely made it there in one piece to begin with. I’m thinking that she is seventeen years old and all alone. I have to bring her back. She can be mad at me. She can hate me and never want to speak to me again. But as long as she is here and I know that she’s safe, I can live with that.”
“I…” Tommy starts. “Let me talk to Maria. We can see if there are a few people we can spare to go down to Arizona with you to check it out and see if she is there, okay? Just please give me a few days okay?”
Joel nods once.
“Promise me that you won’t go anywhere or do anything rash.”
“One day. I still don’t know how long she’s actually been gone for and the longer we wait the farther she gets. I can promise you one day Tommy.”
One day comes and goes with Tommy barely leaving Joel’s side for longer than it takes to have dinner with Maria. Joel isn’t sure what Tommy expected him to do in those 24 hours, but when Tommy comes back from talking with Maria with some leftover lasagna Joel knows exactly what news he is bringing. He at least has the decency to look a little ashamed as he passes the container into Joel’s hands.
Joel hadn’t wanted to attend their little family dinner. He couldn’t look at young Ethan and handle the questions that would inevitably come out of his little almost two year old mouth. Ethan was just barely learning how to talk, but he loved Ellie the most out of all of them and this would be the first family dinner that Ellie hadn’t attained and the longest he has gone without seeing his cousin.
Cargo. Joel shakes his head.
He hadn’t thought he needed to tell her that he regretted ever calling her that. Ever making her feel like her presents wasn’t just tolerated, but enjoyed. They never said the words family, daughter, or father to each other, but he had always thought it was a given. She had a mother and a father, Joel wasn’t a replacement for those people and Ellie wasn’t a replacement for Sarah.
She was Ellie.
Nerdy, silly, strong Ellie.
Joel was already a quarter through his second bottle of whisky since coming back, but Tommy didn’t need to know that. It was the only thing that made the numbness bearable.
“Maria wants to make sure you're eating,” Tommy says, barely looking Joel in his eyes as he places the container on his coffee table as he sits on the couch.
“She can’t stop me.”
Tommy swallows thickly. “To have the guys that we would need to do this smart we’d be leaving Jackson vulnerable.”
“Is that you talking,” Joel asks, voice devoid of emotion, “Or her? What if it was little Ethan out there alone, would you just let him go off alone to get himself killed?”
“Hey,” Tommy stands up. “Don’t bring Ethan into this.”
“So when it comes to your kid it matters.”
Tommy sits back in his seat. “It’s not about whether it matters or not. Ellie chose to leave. She wasn’t taken away against her will.”
They are silent for a moment until Joel finally speaks up, voice barely above a whisper. “You know I have to go.”
Tommy nods his head again, not looking at Joel.
“I can’t come with you.” Tommy’s voice breaks at the end.
Joel reaches out to grab his brother's hand. “I wouldn’t want you to. You have Ethan here and he’s going to need his father to show him how to be a good man.”
“He still needs his uncle too.”
Joel squeezes Tommy’s hand. “Arizona isn’t far. I’ll be back before winter. I promise.”
Notes:
Thank you so much for reading!
I'm not back yet so don't expect regular updates again until the 6th. I just wanted to get this out as a little holiday treat for you all. That and I'm stuck at home with a pulled calf muscle so I had more time to write lol.
Also don't be alarmed that I took away how many chapters this story will be I have drafted up until chapter 30 and it is not even a little bit close to the end that I have planned (Current projected out line is up to chapter 37 now, but that might change) So I decided instead of constantly changing the end number I'll get rid of it altogether until I have a firm ending in the drafts.
I really hope you all liked getting an idea of how/ what Joel was doing while Ellie is falling in love in Seattle. A lot can happen in two years.
Now might also be a good time to tell you all that I am mixing game cannon and TV show cannon. I am basically picking my favorite parts of each so Tommy and Joel are both hispanic, Maria is a WOC, and I'm not sure if the second season is going to have Maria miscarrying or having a baby, but I choose that they are having a baby so that will now be cannon for this story.
Anyways!
Comments and kudos are always appreciated and feedback is alway welcome.
Preview to next chapter:
For real this time.
Abby notices that Ellie is being distant, but doesn't know why.
(They're on their way to Jackson.)
Chapter 27: Chapter 27
Summary:
I'mm Baacckkk! lol Did you miss me?
Chapter summary:
Abby thinks she knows why Ellie is being distant, but we know she's wrong.This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Present
Abby wakes with a start. Freezing in her sleeping bag.
For a moment Abby forgets where she is, half expecting to still be in that hallway in Salt Lake City or her room in the Stadium again. This whole journey and the discovery of Tommy’s location having been some fucked up dream to full her with hope.
But as her eyes quickly adjust, Abby breathes an uneven sigh of relief as the wood and stone of their hideout comes into focus.
They had managed to make it to this mansion just as the sun was fading behind the mountains and tree line. After quickly making sure the surrounding area was clear of any infected they had set up a watch schedule, ate, and went to bed just like they had been doing for the last month and a half of their trip.
The snow coming in causing them to have to stop for longer periods of time then the trip would usually take, to account for the passing snow storms. Ellie had suggested waiting until spring to make this trip and Abby tried for a few weeks, but she found herself more restless than ever before. She just couldn’t seem to settle and no matter how much she wore herself out with either lifting or other tiring activities that can be done in a bed, nothing helped her sleep at night.
Finally having a lead where all the others have dried up was just too much for Abby to take and not immediately jump into action. So Abby found herself making arrangements for two Humvees packed with enough gas and supplies to hopefully take them to Jackson and back again much sooner than she had planned. She also found herself trying to make arrangements for Beans to stay in the kennel, but she was only really successful in getting the cars good to go as Ellie wouldn’t leave Beans alone without knowing for certain that she would be okay. Even though Beans has filled out more with the consistent meals and all the little treats Abby can’t help giving her, Ellie still views her as the injured puppy they found behind the dumpster at the start of winter and Abby swears the dog knows it and plays it up whenever Ellie is around.
All that doesn’t really matter now though. Abby can feel how close they are. Soon they will find Jackson and finally the nightmares will stop.
She knows it.
They had all made their sleeping camp in the living room, even though this mansion has rooms for all of them, but even the fire they built felt too small and the cold air still creeped in. Looking around, Ellie’s sleeping bag lies empty right next to hers.
Ellie’s watch shift was right before her’s, but judging by the gray light filtering in through the large windows, Ellie must have taken hers as well.
Abby stands briefly wandering where she could have gone.
She doesn’t have to look hard, finding her looking out into the snow covered forest, wearing a snow dusted winter jacket. Her hair is slightly wet having obviously not worn her beanie wherever she must have gone. One of her hands dangling down just enough to slowly pet Beans’s dry head as she too sits in front of the large floor to ceiling windows. Abby comes up behind her, slowly wrapping her arms around Ellie’s waist and Ellie immediately melts back into Abby’s chest as Abby tightens her arms around her.
Now that Abby is closer she can see that the jacket Ellie wears is one of her old winter coats from when she was seventeen and Abby comes to the quick decision that the coat looks much better on Ellie than it ever did on her.
“You could have woken me up,” Abby whispers, pressing a kiss onto her wet hair.
Ellie’s shoulders slightly raise in a shrug, “I just couldn’t sleep and you looked so peaceful. One of us should be able to get some shut eye at least.”
Ellie had been doing little things like that this whole trip. Taking extra night shifts, scouting ahead, not eating with the group--- or at all--- and generally being a little more distant the closer they got to Wyoming. Yesterday was the worst, with Ellie being the most distracted Abby has ever seen her. Abby could tell that something has been turning around in her head ever since Abby told her about Tommy. If she would only just tell Abby what it was they could work it out.
Whatever it was.
Was it the mountains? Abby thinks, Damn it is, isn’t it?
Abby should have listened to her about coming in the spring instead of marching out like this in the dead of winter when she knows what Ellie went through in this same kind of setting years ago. It wasn’t too long ago that Ellie told her all about Colorado and to say that Abby forgot would be the understatement of the fucking year. Abby knows that she has always been fairly one track minded. A trait that helps her with training, but doesn’t really help her interpersonal relationships.
No wonder Ellie has been pulling back so hard and fast. No wonder she has grown so distant and quiet. No wonder she has stopped eating and sleeping.
“What were you dreaming about?” Ellie asks, leaning heavier into Abby’s arms.
The question startles Abby out of her thoughts enough that all she can think to say is, “Was I talking?”
“No, but you were doing your teeth grinding thing.”
Abby nods, it was something that she thought she stopped doing when her nightmares became less frequent. But with the hope of this new lead, also comes the nightmares in full force once again and teeth grinding is at least less disturbing to others' sleep than shouting is so she can’t really complain.
Abby and Ellie both know what her teeth grinding means. Asking about it is just a way to open up conversation about it if Abby wants to share anything.
She doesn’t.
It doesn’t feel right to put her own problems onto Ellie’s back now that she finally realizes what she has been putting her through this whole trip.
“Where have you been?” Abby redirects as she dusts off some of the snow flurries that haven’t melted yet.
Ellie nods her head in silent understanding and the two stand there for a moment looking out into the snow covered terrain.
Ellie is the first to pull away, turning to face her and Abby can see the dark circles under her eyes.
“Put on your gear, I want to show you something.” Ellie says, looking her up and down, then whispers, “Trust me.”
Abby nods and doesn’t comment on how many nights she knows Ellie has laid awake on this trip as she grabs her coat and both of their beanies from where their sleeping bags lay next to each other. After she puts her own beanie on, Abby walks back over to where Ellie now sits on the piano bench scratching Beans behind the ear as the dog's head lies on her knee.
Abby stands in front of her until she finally looks up at her and Abby quickly tugs Ellie’s beanie over her head in a playful manner.
Ellie whisper-shoots her name as she lightly hits Abby’s arm, but Abby can feel some of the tension fade from Ellie’s body as she lets out a quiet laugh. Settling down Abby tucks the tiny braid she had made in Ellie’s hair a few nights ago behind her ear and places a gentle kiss on the top of her head before making sure the beanie sits right on her head.
Ellie smile’s softly up at her, but even their short burst of playfulness isn’t enough to hide the sadness in Ellie’s eyes. Abby helps her stand and they both make their way to the front door. Beans tries her best to follow them, but with one word from Ellie the dog stays in the foyer and the couple is able to leave the safety and warmth of the mansion hand in hand.
Abby follows her through the woods, up and around boulders, and over fallen trees.
“I cleared the path of snow over here so it should be safe, but still be careful.” Ellie calls over her shoulder as she leads them through a path that runs briefly along the cliff’s edge.
Abby pauses briefly at the sight, but Ellie silently re-grabs her hand as she continues to lead them to the opening on the other side and something about the gesture of not only taking the time to make the path as safe as possible, but also not letting Abby feel stupid for her fears, has never made Abby feel more loved in her life. Even her father would have made a joke at her expense for her fear of heights, but Ellie just accepts it for what it is without making it a big thing.
She accepts Abby for who she is.
Abby is a bit lost in thought as Ellie finally stops at the edge of an outcrop looking down into a valley.
“There it is,” Ellie says gesturing to the expanse below them.
The view would have been amazing, and it is, except that the settlement looks much bigger than Abby guessed. The lights of the town illuminates the hazy sky above it.
Abby steps forward closer to the edge then she would usually feel comfortable. She just has to get closer, like maybe it will shrink if she looks at it at from a different angle. It doesn’t. “Holy shit. It’s a fucking city.”
Suddenly what Abby has planned hits her like a punch to her gut. There is no way their little group can even hope to take on this amount of people. Judging from what she can see it appears like they have enough people to rival even the WLF and Scars combined, with watchtowers, lookouts, and patrols stretching who know how far out.
“Yeah,” Ellie whispers from where she stands a foot behind Abby. “Does that change anything for you?”
Abby feels a little of her resolve melt as she looks out at the settlement below them. She has spent nearly four years of her life building this moment up in her head and in all that time it was only ever just her and him---Joel--- facing off. Now that she is here so close to the finish line that she can taste it… it just can’t have all been for nothing. She thinks.
She did not drag her friends and Ellie all the way here in the middle of winter for nothing. She has to see this through, no matter what the end.
Abby turns to look at Ellie, her green eyes stare past Abby to the town miles away.
“It’s a lot bigger than I thought it was going to be.” Abby admits, her voice starting out low, but the more she thinks about what Joel did the angrier she gets. He doesn’t get to sleep peacefully while she suffers. Her voice hardens with resolve as she turns back to the city, “Trust me he deserves so much worse than whatever I come up with. No, this doesn’t change anything.”
When Abby looks at Ellie again she can’t tell if her eyes are watering from the wind or something else, but the sight is enough to soften Abby’s voice when she continues, “Four years Ellie. I’ve spent four years tortured by nightmares, knowing that they will only go away if I know he's gone.” Abby cups Ellie’s face with her gloved hands, looking into the emerald orbs of her eyes.
“What if they don’t go away?” Ellie whispers, grabbing Abby’s hand on her face, guiding them down to lace their gloved fingers together.
It’s a thought Abby can’t entertain. “They will. I know they will.”
Ellie closes her eyes and breathes deeply, “Assuming Tommy or Joel is even in there, what do we do? They could be gone.”
Abby nods, letting Ellie out of her grasp. She’s right, of course, the travelers never mentioned Joel personally, but regardless his brother should know where he is. In fact, anyone in the town should know if he is here or not.
“We could stay here in the mansion for a week or so. Learn their patrol routes.” Abby’s eyes scan the building and one large structure with its lights on catches her eyes, “See that lodge over there? That has got to be a lookout or something. There must be people stationed there. If we can corner one of the patrols we can get confirmation and then, I don’t know, maybe find a way to lure him out.”
When Abby looks back at her she can tell Ellie doesn’t like this plan. “You don’t have to come, you know. I know it’s not really your fight. I know you had a friend in the Fireflies, but Joel didn’t kill her. She wasn’t even at that base when he came. It still means a lot that you came this far though. I know the mountains in the winter bring up bad memories and I’m so sorry for dragging you out here like this. We should have waited for the---”
Ellie breathes out deeply, shaking head, the movement distracting Abby from finishing her sentence, “No. Your fight is my fight. You go…”
_____
“...I go. Remember?”
With every word Abby spoke since Ellie brought her to this outcrop, another stone drops in the pit of her stomach. Ellie hasn’t been able to actually sleep since they entered Wyoming at all. For some reason she thought it would take them longer to get here, but unlike when she first came to Seattle, their team was actually prepared for the journey. Now that they are here, Ellie thought she would have come up with some way to get Abby to change her mind and turn back, but now all she can hope is that Abby isn’t stupid enough to try and take on the whole town alone. Something Ellie can't honestly put pass her.
Ellie takes Abby’s hand in hers again. It’s now or never. She knows that she should have told Abby everything way before now. About Riley, and her immunity, and Joel, and just everything. But everytime she tries, the words get stuck in her throat and she ends up choking on them.
She can’t run from it anymore though. There's nowhere to run too, especially seeing that Abby isn’t even a little bit discouraged by the sheer size of Jackson.
Ellie leads Abby over to a fallen tree where they can sit down side-by-side.
“I need to tell you something and I really want you to listen to everything before you say anything or ask any questions or else I do think I can get it all out. It’s kind of a lot and you’re probably going to hate me.” Ellie whispers the last part halfway hoping that Abby didn’t hear her.
Abby squeezes her hand once and Ellie risks a quick look up at her before fixing her gaze back onto their connected hands. She doesn’t want to see when exactly Abby will start to hate her.
“I don’t really know where to start.” Ellie takes one more deep breath to center herself. Abby doesn’t say anything. “I guess the very beginning would be good right?” She says more to herself then Abby,
“I lied when I said that I came to Seattle looking for Riley. She was a Firefly. That part wasn’t the lie, but I also knew that Riley was already dead because I was the one that killed her.”
Ellie pauses for a moment. Getting everything out is proving to be harder than she thought. “She run away from the FEDRA school after finding out where they were going to station her and she joined the Fireflies instead. She came back and took me to this abandon mall as a final goodbye before she left. It was great, despite some ups and downs through the night. I had my first kiss in that mall on a display counter of a halloween store, but we must have made too much noise and a stalker came out of nowhere, attacking us. We were so scared. She only had the one gun and all I had was my switchblade. We did managed to kill him, but it was too late.” Ellie rubs the sleeve covering her tattoo.
“Ellie---” Abby interrupts the same time a loud bark breaks through the still air and Beans comes running around the corner with Owen following close behind her.
“There you guys are,” He says when he sees them. “I was worried when I woke up and saw Beans here pawing at the front door and you both nowhere to be seen. She hmm, kind of got away from me there though. Forgot the leash.”
Beans jumps up between Ellie and Abby licking at the snow on their gear. There was so much more Ellie had wanted to tell Abby. Riley was only the very tip of the iceberg, but now that Owen is here she just can’t. She can’t face the possibility of losing two people she cares about at the same time.
“She must have caught our scent and took off,” Ellie says, rubbing down Beans’s coat as she avoids Abby’s gaze.
Owen stops short when he catches sight of the valley. “Wow, is this the place? They have electricity, guns.” He looks back at the two of them and Beans. “That’s a lot of fucking people.”
“We can figure it out,” Abby says, but Ellie can hear the uncertainty in her voice.
“What are we going to do? Corner one of them and ask if they’ve seen a mad man running around gunning down Fireflies?” Owen's laugh sounds strained almost manic. When either of them join in his laugh fades, “Yeah okay. I’m sure they’ll be happy to offer that information.”
Out of the corner of her eye Ellie can see Abby stand up, “Well then we make them.”
“Do you hear yourself?” Owen shouts, “When everyone else sees this they're going to want to turn back.”
Abby looks between Owen and Ellie, “We can convince them. Right?”
Ellie can hear the panic and uncertainty in her voice. Panic that Ellie can’t even pretend to understand.
Abby’s gaze settles on Owen’s, “What is with you?”
Owen sways from side to side averting his gaze from Abby’s stare and whispers, “Mel’s pregnant.”
“Oh,” Abby says and Ellie can see her forced smile and barely concealed anger, “Should I say congrats.”
“It’s not just that---”
“Stop!” Ellie shouts, cutting off the argument that she knows Abby and Owen will get into before either of them can say anything that they will regret later. “I have a plan, but you have to trust me and try not to get too mad.”
Ellie finally looks up into Abby’s blue eyes. She can see the trust mirrored back at her in how her shoulders relax. Like Abby had forgotten she was there during her disagreement with Owen and is just now remembering that Ellie is on her side.
Abby nods, “I trust you with my life.”
* * *
“When I said I trusted you with my life, I thought you would have a little more respect for your own.” Abby says as Ellie removes her weapons, waving them in clear view of the watchtowers at the Eastern entrance before placing them on the snow covered ground.
If Ellie’s memory is correct this was the least populated gate out of the four and ironically the same one that she snuck out of nearly two years ago. She also knows that this is the watchtower that Tommy or Eugene would sit at if they didn’t have patrol and it is the furthest entrance from where the patrols usually come and go from, making it the safest one she could think to do this at.
All Ellie can hope for at this moment is that she is able to talk to Tommy or Maria alone and get them to send a message to whichever watchtower or patrol route Joel is on and warn him to stay away until they are gone again. She knows it’s wishful thinking, but she also knows that Abby isn't stupid enough to attack a man surrounded by his own people. Worst case scenario she can try to make sure Joel and Abby are never left alone together. If Ellie didn’t know any better she would think she was also pregnant with how nauseous she feels at the moment, but this is the only solution she can think of that will result in the least amount of casualties.
Least amount being zero if she can help it. All she needs to do now is convince Abby that Joel is already dead or that Tommy hasn't seen him in ten years or something like that, anything that allows her to finally let this go.
“You said you would trust me. So trust me,” Ellie says as she walks forward with her hands in the air, “And remember to try not to get angry.”
“Yeah well, I take it back.” Abby mutters following suit and removing her weapons as well.
Ellie turns, grabbing Abby’s wrist, stopping her movement as she looks into Abby’s eyes, “Please stay here.”
“I’m not just letting you go by yourself.”
“Please. I’ll bring Beans. You know how protective she is. Besides, if they were going to shoot us they would have already.” Something in Ellie’s eyes or voice makes Abby nod her head.
“A dog’s body isn’t going to stop a bullet,” Abby says.
“Neither will yours,” Ellie's voice comes out harder than she intends it to before she tries to soften it, “Please, trust me.”
“Fine,” But she sounds like it’s the furthest thing from fine.
Ellie allows a small smile to grace her lips. “Just keep the weapons out of your hands and they shouldn’t have a reason to shoot me.. Or you.”
Ellie turns to face the gate once again. Patting her thigh as Mel unhooks Beans’s leash allowing her to come to Ellie’s side. Together Ellie slowly makes her way to the gate with her hands raised.
When Ellie is close enough that she thinks the people in the watchtower can hear her she takes off her beanie, Abby’s braid wiping into the side of her face by the winter wind, the rest of her hair tied up into a low bun. She can just barely make out that whoever is in the watchtower isn’t Tommy or Eugene, which does present a different kind of issue that she hadn’t thought of before now.
What if no one knows who the fuck she is at all. Jackson does seem to have grown in the time that she was away and Ellie doesn’t think she looks that different, but two years is a long fucking time.
“Hey, who’s up there?” Ellie shouts, “I don’t know if you remember me but---”
The Gate opens and a tall asian man comes running out. “Ellie!”
“Jesse?” Is all she can get out before his arms are around her lifting her up into a spin.
“God we all thought you died. I mean Jo---”
Ellie’s hand is clasped over his mouth before even she knows what she is doing. “I can’t explain right now, but just don’t say his name. Okay?”
She can feel Jesse tense, his arms still wrapped around her as he nods his head in confusion. His gaze traveling over her head like it’s the first time he is noticing the people she came with.
Ellie backs away from his hold looking behind her. Abby is predictably not at all where she said she would be and instead is about halfway between where the rest of the group is and her. Ellie isn’t sure when she started making her way towards the gate after her, but somewhere along the way she stopped and is now staring between the two reunited friends. Behind her the rest of the group also starts to slowly come forward with Owen in the lead.
"Who are they?" Jesse whispers, his eyes finally taking in her technical gear for the first time.
Ellie motions for Abby to come closer. Ellie can see Abby’s pinched eyebrows and purchased lips that she only gets when she is reading one of her books that makes her huff and bust out a dictionary to finish.
“Jesse this is Abby,” Ellie says when Abby is close enough to hear her. “Abby, this is Jesse.”
By this time the rest of the group is also close enough to hear the exchange, but Abby makes no move to greet Jesse. After a short awkward moment, Owen steps forward to shake Jesse’s hand and introduce himself and the others.
Moving back from the exchange he steps back in line with the rest of the Salt Lake Crew and Owen’s gaze rests on Ellie as he says, “I take it this is East, but not East East then isn’t it?”
His voice isn’t accusing, it doesn’t even sound disappointed. It’s calm, almost thankful.
Ellie nods, not taking her eyes off Abby, but when she speaks it is directed at Jesse as she asks, “Is Tommy out on patrol or at the Tipsy Bison?”
Notes:
Thank you for reading!!!
I know it's late. **Hides in shame** lol.
I hope everyone had a nice holiday break. I spent a week and half with two toddlers and then predictably got a little sick. Good news not covid, bad news I think I'm allergic to my sisters dog. Will that stop me from petting her or going to visit my sister? Of course not!
Anyways I hope the wait was worth it and I'll try to go back to my weekly update schedule. If I do miss a Saturday upload in the future it will probably come out on the following Wednesday. There are just a few things that I don't want to rush. If I know I'm going to be missing an upload I'll put a little sneak peek on my Tumblr. https://www.tumblr.com/randomgirlreading
As always comments and Kudos are always appreciated and feedback is always welcome.
Preview to next chapter:
The team make their way through Jackson and Ellie runs into some old faces.
Chapter 28: Chapter 28
Summary:
Ellie walks a very fine line between her old friends and her new ones.
PS please read end note. Thanks.
Pss. I finished this two and half Whisky sours in so that should tell you something. lol.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Ellie can’t bring herself to look at Abby long enough to gauge her emotions as Jesse leads them through the town to the Tipsy Bison.
It was weird walking through town. Everything was the same yet also, so different. There were new faces, but a lot of old ones too. The ones that recognized her would stop in their tracks or in the middle of whatever it was they were doing, before turning to the people next to them to start whispering together. Ellie could just barely hear them calling her the Miller girl as her group walked by.
One thing Ellie didn’t miss about this place was how the gossip chain worked. At least at the Studium people generally left you alone and if people did talk about you behind your back at least you didn’t see it happen right in front of you.
They had to give up all their weapons just like everyone else did when they first came in. Ellie just hopes that she and the others can avoid the shake down that usually happens to newcomers. After all, Ellie isn’t exactly new.
“Tommy’s out on patrol with Ester, but we’ll get someone to go out and switch with him.” Jesse says as they walk through the square, “He’ll be glad to know you are okay. Everyone will be.”
Ellie can feel his eyes on her as he speaks.
She can feel everyone's eyes on her.
But before they can all walk up the steps into the Tipsy Bison, Ellie hears her name being yelled. She has just enough time to catch the figure flying at her in her arms and not much else. The force of which knocks her back a step, but she quickly rights her balance enough not to fall. What surprises her more than anything else is the kiss planted on her cheek close enough to her lips that it could be taken as a mistake in either direction, but the person doesn’t give Ellie the time to recover or really register what just happened.
“We all thought you died,” The person that just barrelled into Ellie says hugging her tighter. “When I heard you showed up at the gate out of nowhere I didn’t believe it, but you're here and damn, when did you get so strong?”
The person finally pulls away from the hug squeezing Ellie’s biceps and Ellie can now recognize her as her old friend and first Jackson crush, Dina.
Ellie rubs the back of her head, “Um, I hadn’t noticed.”
Someone clears their throat and Ellie can’t tell if it was Jesse or Abby that did it, but Abby’s eyes are narrow and locked on to Dina when Ellie turns at the sound.
“Everyone, this is Dina.” Ellie introduces, “Dina was one of my best friends when I first came here.”
Manny slicks back his hair as he holds a hand out. “Hi mi amor---”
“Manny.” Ellie interrupts. “No.”
“What I’m just saying hi.” Manny raises his hands in surrender, “You have got to tell us all about little Ellie.
“Oh you mean when she would stuff jerky into her pockets,” Dina says, weaving her arm around Manny’s elbow already conspiring against Ellie.
“Dina, please,” Ellie shakes her head.
“Oh come on.” Dina says, coming back to Ellie’s side and hooking their arms together, “Let me have a little fun with your new friends.”
“Jesse.” Ellie turns pleadingly in his directions as Dina continues to hang off her arm.
Jesse laughs as he opens the doors to the Tipsy Bison, “Speaking of jerky. Are you guys hungry?”
Manny speaks up for the group already walking inside. “Starved.”
Jesse nods his head and holds the door for the group as they enter one by one. Abby lingers at the door for a moment waiting for Ellie to come in with her. Ellie sees Abby’s jaw tighten as Dina tugs on Ellie’s arm again, pulling her attention back to Dina.
As Abby tries to go in, Jesse stops her when he sees Beans trying to follow her in. “Sorry, but there’s no dogs allowed in the Bison.”
Ellie snaps her fingers and the dog goes to her side. “I’ll take care of her Abs.”
Abby gives her and Dina’s connected arms one last look before she goes in without her and Jesse follows.
“You are going to tell me what that was all about?” Dina says, voice suddenly hard.
“Tell you about what?”
Dina raises an eyebrow at her question, finally releasing her arm.
“Fine,” Ellie rubs the back of her head, tugging at the hair at the nap of her neck. “It’s… A little hard to explain everything, but I promise I’ll find time to talk with you and Jesse.”
Dina’s eyes narrow, “Are you in some kind of trouble? Because we can totally take them.”
“What? No, I'm totally fine.”
Dina looks her up and down before nodding.
“I really did miss you Dina,” Ellie says, finally untensing her shoulders. “I’m sorry I left without saying anything. When I set out I had every intention of coming back. I just …couldn’t.”
“I don’t suppose that would be something you’d tell me when we catch up is it?”
“Dina,---”
Dina holds up a hand, “Nevermind. Stay mysterious. I gotta get back to my station.”
“I’m not mysterious. I’m just a girl.” Ellie calls after Dina as she is already walking away.
Ellie shakes her head watching her go, before reattaching Bean’s leash and tying it off on the fence.
“Sorry girl,” She says, petting her head and pulling out some treats from her pocket to give her some.
When she enters the Tipsy Bison she sees her group already seated, each with a plate full of food in front of them.
Ellie finds her place next to Abby and sits down, placing her hand on Abby’s thigh without thinking. Leaning over to her ear Ellie whispers for only Abby to hear, “Let me ask Tommy about Joel.”
Abby nods, sliding her plate over to Ellie, but Ellie shakes her head and pushes it back to her
“Wow this is amazing,” Leah says as she takes a bite out of the meat on her plate.
“Yeah it’s lamb.” Jesse says, a little awkwardly as he stands there looking from Ellie’s face to her clothes and then to the rest of the group, finally seeming to take in their tactical gear. “Um if you don’t mind me asking Ellie. Where the hell have you been?”
“It’s kind of a long story and I should probably tell it to Maria first—-“
The door to the Tipsy Bison suddenly bangs open making everyone turn to see who entered. The intruder is a short asian girl with short choppy black hair, her eyes immediately picking Ellie out of the crowd.
“Ellie Fucking Williams,” She says when when Ellie looks her way.
“Cat!” Ellie's eyes widen as she scrambles from her seat. “Hey, it’s good to---”
Ellie doesn’t get the chance to finish her greeting as Cat pulls her down by the collar, planting a kiss straight onto her lips with no mistake. It’s a quick motion made even more jarring by the fact that when Cat pushes her away, Ellie is greeted with a slap to her face before Cat turns to leave without saying anything more.
The table is so quiet Ellie thinks she could hear a pen drop. Ellie risks a glance at Abby, but she is not looking at her as she glares daggers at the door where Cat arrived and left from instead, her hand clenched around her fork.
“Damn Ellie,” the silence is finally broken by Manny, “Are you a fucking player?”
“I’m really not,” Ellie says, waving her hands. “I’m not sure what that was about.”
“Really,” Jesse raises an eyebrow at her.
“Okay I kind of do,” She mutters, rubbing the back of her neck.
Ellie doesn’t even have the chance to sit back down before the door bangs open again and there Tommy stands frozen in the doorway. All it takes for him to become unfrozen is a small wave from Ellie and he is across the room engulfing her into his arms. Ellie doesn’t quite know where to put her arms, but as she takes in that same woody smell that Joel carried around with him after he had been helping with house repairs, she can’t help but sink into her embrace.
The hug is broken off much too soon and Tommy is pulling away awkwardly.
There are tears fighting to leave his eyes then he clears his throat and lightly pouches her shoulder as he speaks, “You um, look really good.”
“Thanks Tommy,” Ellie smiles softly at him.
“And who are all of you?” Tommy finally seems to register that she is at a table full of people he doesn’t know.
“Oh um, these are my friends,” Ellie says, running through all of their names.
Tommy’s Texan accent comes out stronger than normal as he says, “Well howey there it’s nice to meet all of you.”
The group nods and raises their hands in greeting, all openly staring between Ellie and Tommy. Some with more openly shocked expressions than others.
“Um, we should probably go talk with Maria in the back?” Ellie asks when the staring gets too much for her.
Tommy shakes himself from his thoughts and nods. It’s then that Ellie sees Maria standing there in the doorway of the back office where she does a lot of her paperwork for the town with her arms crossed evaluating, not only Ellie, but also what she could view of her group from her doorway.
She hasn’t changed a bit from the last time Ellie saw her. Her black hair is twisted into coils and her eyes are dark, just like the first time Ellie met her.
Ellie’s relationship with Maria was always a bit of a toss up. She respected Maria wholeheartedly, but could never tell exactly where she stood with the town's main leader. Their relationship started off on the rocky side, but during those two years that she was here Ellie thought they had worked up a good rapport, but who knows what Maria thinks of her now after her time away. Maria will always put the safety of those who call Jackson home above all else.
Tommy leans in to give Maria a soft kiss on the cheek as he rubs her arm on the way inside her office.
Ellie feels Maria’s eye bore into her as she lets her in, pausing one last time to look at her friends as they eat. Ellie can see that while the others' attention have turned to their food and whatever Jesse is telling them, Abby’s gaze is locked onto where Ellie stands, just inside the doorway until she can’t see her at all as the door closes.
Tommy strides over to the well worn brown leather couch and quickly wipes at his watery eyes as he sinks into his seat. Trying to regain some of that stoic persona the Miller’s seem to always try and exude. Joel was always better at it then his younger brother though.
“I just can’t believe your alive. And back.” Tommy whispers to himself shaking his head.
“Where’s Joel?” Ellie asks, taking her seat on the hard chair right in front of Maria’s desk. She can’t fathom why he isn’t busting down the door to the Bison or Maria’s office to see her. She knows she told him to basically fuck off, but a large part of her didn’t think he actually would.
Tommy and Maria share a look. One that reminds her of when she and Joel first came to Jackson all those years ago and Tommy told Joel about marrying Maria. She can’t think of anything that would require a look like this. Unless…
Ellie’s heart rate increases as panic rises from her belly to her throat. She swallows thickly. “He's dead, isn’t he?”
Tommy’s head wipes to hers.
“No!” Tommy yells, then continues much softer, “No, he's not dead.”
“Then… why isn’t he here?” Ellie whispers, she can’t decide if it would have been better if Tommy had said he was or not. At least then she wouldn’t have to worry about knowing that the person she loves wants to kill another person she loves.
But even just thinking that thought gives her the answer.
No.
No matter how much easier it would be for her to tell Abby that she was too late, she is relieved that he is still out there, somewhere.
Alive.
Now she just has to find a way to keep him that way.
“Truth is we don’t know.” Maria cuts in, still standing near the door with her arms crossed.
“Maria,” Tommy scouls.
“What? It’s the truth.”
Ellie looks from one to the other, “What do you mean you don’t know?”
“After you left,” Tommy takes over. “He followed you. First to Salt Lake City. Then to wherever any rumors of the Fireflies were. That first year he came back every few months to restock and let me know he was okay. He would stay for a few days to a week. Longest he stayed was through winter. That was a few months, but then these travelers came through talking about a Firefly base in Atlanta.”
Tommy stops to fiddle with his hands, “He um… Hasn’t been back since. He said he would come back before the snow sets in if he didn’t find you. Said this was the last time he was going out to search for you. But.” He waves his hands at the window indicating the softly falling snow outside.
“Why?” Ellie shakes her head not knowing what to say.
Tommy gives a watery smile, “Did you think you meant so little to him that he would just forget about you? Because he’s never, not for one moment, stopped searching looking for you. You didn’t really think a piece of paper was going to stop him from looking for you. Did you?” Tommy reaches his hand out to her’s resting on her knee. “You're worth so much more to him than even his own life. You know that don’t you?”
Ellie can’t help the tears that fall from her eyes as she crumbles. She feels Tommy’s strong arms wrap around her and she can’t help but wish they were a different pair of strong arms. If she closes her eyes she can almost pretend that it’s Joel holding her, but the moment ends far too soon.
“I’d love to pretend that everything is great now that you're back.” Maria interrupts, “But I can’t just ignore the six other people that we don’t know out there eating in the Bison.”
“They’re my friends.” Ellie pulls back from Tommy’s embrace. “They each saved my life countless times. I’d be dead if not for each of them.”
“Well, if they saved you they’re alright in my book,” Tommy says.
“That’s not—-“
“Maria,” Tommy interrupts, “Please, we just got her back. I don’t care where she’s been or what she did to get here. She’s here now and that’s what matters.”
“But for how long?” Maria asks.
Ellie feels Tommy and Maria’s eyes bore into her.
“Let’s talk about it over dinner.” Tommy claps his hands together. “Just like old times. Just the family. We were already planning on making some brisket. How’s that sound?”
Ellie nods her head. Thankful that Tommy is pushing down the subject. At least for now.
Maria looks like she wants to argue, but she deflates when she takes in Tommy’s face.
“One more thing.” Ellie speaks up. “I don’t want any of them to know about how Joel and I are connected.”
Tommy stares at her for a long moment as Ellie waits for his question and tries to prepare herself for some kind of explanation as to why.
“Okay,” He says, scrunching his eyebrows together in confusion. “if that’s what you want.”
The words should put her at ease, but she knows this has been all too easy. The questions will come soon and Ellie won't have the answers to them.
To both Tommy and her friends.
“Fine” Maria says. “But those people out there are your responsibility. Don’t think I didn't notice all the tactical gear they came in with. If they pick fights they’re out. Do I make myself clear?”
Ellie nods her head.
______
This town is nothing like Abby would have guessed. Abby doesn’t know what she expected exactly.
After seeing it from the outcrop she had thought it might be something similar to the WLF with heavy militarization, but that was before she knew that this was the place where Ellie came from.
All that Abby has ever known of the world and any civilization left in it has been some sort of militarized organization. Even though Abby never personally lived in a FEDRA zone she has read enough notes left behind and heard enough stories to piece together what it must have been like. The Fireflies had to piece together whatever weapons they could find as they tried to operate under the nose of FEDRA.
When the WLF took them in, that was the first time after her father’s murder that Abby felt stable again. But with that stability came the uncertainty of war with the Scars. She has never known one without the other, but here there are children playing in the streets without a care in the world and people joking and calling out to each other from houses and shops. Did those people know what was really out there? Or have they only ever known this place?
The young Asian man that had greeted them at the gate led the group down the unfamiliar streets talking animatedly with Ellie up front as Abby still tried to wrap her head around everything she just learned in the last few minutes.
She still is, but the more she looks around this homey city the more she can’t believe her eyes.
It’s…
Nice…
Peaceful even.
For some reason it makes sense that Ellie would come from a place like this, but with that thought a heavy rock hits the bottom of her stomach and she feels her lead for Joel dry up once again.
Abby can’t even imagine a monster like Joel stepping even a foot into a place like this. Like he would burst into flames if he even tried. Besides Ellie would have told her if she knew Joel when she was here.
Right?
Waiting for Ellie to come out of that back room of the Tipsy Bison is agonizing. Abby should have insisted on going in with her, but one look at Tommy’s face when he came in and saw Ellie stopped Abby in her tracks.
And suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle fall into place.
Tommy is the Museum Guy? Abby doesn’t really know that much about him, only that he is Joel’s brother, but it’s the only thing that makes sense to her. That wasn’t the look of someone that only casually knew another person in a large town.
That was the look of a man seeing his long lost daughter for the first time in two years if Abby ever had to guess.
So all Abby can do now is move the food around her plate and stare at the door waiting for Ellie to be done while listening to their guide talk about how things work here. Owen tries his best to pull out as much information as he can from their guide, but from the little Abby is able to pay attention to, their guide has a knack for redirecting their conversation.
Abby wishes she paid more attention to what his name was when he was first introduced. She also wishes that Beans was allowed inside. Maybe then she wouldn’t be feeling everything quite so much.
She can understand now why Ellie was so reluctant and nervous to talk to her on that outcrop. Abby had basically been telling her all about her plans to kill her Uncle for the last few months then threatening to torture her dad or friends for information about Joel. Even if Ellie never actually met Joel she would still know about him to some degree from Tommy.
Why didn’t she just tell her at Christmas that she knew Tommy and that Joel wasn’t here? As soon as she has the thought she knows it wouldn’t have changed anything. Abby would have still insisted on coming to see for herself. Nothing that Ellie could have told her about her time here would have changed that.
But would she tell him why they are really here now? Abby thinks, but immediately rejects the idea with a shake of her head.
Ellie has only asked one thing from her.
For Abby to trust her. And Ellie has never given her any reason not to. Finally finding out where she comes from or who she knows shouldn’t change that.
Abby finally takes a bite out of the meat on her plate. It’s tender and juicy and Abby vaguely remembers the guide telling them that they had an unusually good harvest last year which led to a better fed livestock. He seems like a nice enough guy and Abby can’t help but be a little thankful that she didn’t have to torture him for information.
_______
Maria eye’s Ellie for a moment before she sighs, uncrosses her arms and pulls Ellie in for a hug. The hug is quick, barely giving Ellie time to register that it happened at all before it was over and Maria is holding her at arm's length as if to get a better look at her.
“For what it's worth, I have missed you and I am glad that you're safe.”
Ellie nods her head not really knowing what to say.
“Okay,” She says, squeezing Ellie’s arm once before letting her arms drop, “Let’s get your friends settled in town then.”
“I’ll head home to start getting everything ready,” Tommy says, giving Ellie a quick pat on her shoulder before he heads out the door.
Ellie watches him go and the weight of Maria stare settles on her again.
“I don’t know what you’re hiding, but just know that if anyone under the protection of this town is hurt. I don’t care how much you mean to Tommy or his brother. I’ll give you the same courtesy that everyone who betrays Jackson gets.”
Ellie swallows, “I wouldn’t let anyone get hurt.”
Maria looks her up and down one last time.
“Some things are out of our control.” She whispers as she walks out her office.
Ellie reluctantly follows her out of the room, her eyes immediately searching for Abby and the others. But they were right where she left them, still eating and talking with Jesse. Abby’s plate is still mostly completely full with just a few bites taken out of the meat. Her eyes trailing the pair as she and Maria walk over to them a question clear in her eyes.
Ellie swallows thickly as she shakes her head. Abby’s shoulders fall as she takes Ellie’s hand when she is close enough to grab, giving it a small squeeze as Ellie stands next to her.
Maria's eyes narrow onto their connected hands for a moment. “Are you all done? I can show you to a place to get some rest. I’m not sure how long you all are planning to stay. We don’t have many free houses at the moment, but there is one that I think might be able to house all of you under one roof.”
The group nods their heads and takes the last few bites of their food before standing and following Maria out. Jesse quickly pulls Ellie away bringing her in for another hug as soon as she is a little bit separated from the group when they all head outside.
“I still can’t believe you’re okay.” Jesse whispers, squeezing her tighter. “But you have got to explain what the fuck is going on. They were asking a lot of fucking questions.”
“I will Jesse. Just not right now. Okay? I’ll find you when we can talk.”
Jesse pushes her an arm length away and for the second time in less than ten minutes, Ellie feels evaluated. “You look really good Ellie.”
She rolls her eyes, disconnecting fully from him.
“You’re such a sap. I’ll find you soon, just not today.” She says jogging to catch up with the rest of the group.
Abby had hung back with Beans as the slowest ones walking with the group. When Ellie reaches her, their hands naturally find each others again and the action settles the churning in Ellie’s stomach for a moment until she reminds herself of her own lies.
“I’ll explain everything when we're alone.” Ellie whispers close to Abby knowing that this too is a lie.
Abby nods once, “I trust you,”
And those words hit Ellie harder than a punch to her face.
“But if another person kisses you,” Abby continues, “I will have to punch them.”
A laugh escapes Ellie’s lips, shocking herself and the townspeople near them on the street.
“Don’t punch Dina, she's just kind of like that with everyone. Cat on the other hand,” Ellie rubs the cheek she hit, “I make no excuses for her. But I don’t think she’ll do it again.”
Abby smiles down at Ellie as they try to catch up with the group.
Beans weaves between their feet, too scared of the other dogs to leave their side, forcing Abby and Ellie to disconnect their hands so they can walk on either side of the dog.
Jackson hasn’t changed much at all besides a few more houses then Ellie remembers. Which is why Ellie only vaguely recognizes where they are heading before they are already there.
“Maria,” Ellie says, speeding up with Beans right next to her, “What house are we going to?”
Maria, who had been giving the group a run down of where everything is before Ellie interrupted her, turns down the row of houses that Ellie is intimately familiar with and the calm that had passed over her when her hand was in Abby’s is suddenly gone. In its place a cold fear.
Maria pauses in front of Joel’s house turning back to her. Ellie can see her garage studio peeking out from the back of the building.
But Maria doesn’t turn to go in, instead she turns towards the house right across the street.
“What happened to the Baltimores?” Ellie asks, furrowing her eyebrows as she walks up the steps. The last time she was here an old couple lived there taking care of the few orphans that found themselves close enough to Jackson for the patrols to take them in.
“They died this past summer.” Maria says, opening the door.
“And the kids that lived here?”
“Other families took in the youngest of them. Cat and a few of the older ones are sharing a house closer to Main Street.”
“And Dina?” Ellie asks.
“Living with the Chang’s.”
Ellie is taken aback, even though she shouldn’t be. Dina and Jesse were headed in that direction even before Ellie left. “Hum, good for them. Are they like, married now or something like that?”
“God who knows with those two.” Maria shakes her head, humor in her tone. “They’ve been on, then off, then back on again too many times to count. But the Chang’s have the space and you know Jesse’s parents. They would rather kick their own son out before asking her to leave.”
Ellie gives a small fond smile. The Chang’s are good people. When Ellie and Joel finally settled into their new home, they were the first people over to Joel’s house with more fresh fruit and baked goods than Ellie had ever seen in her life up until that point. Joel and the Chang’s talked for so long that Ellie and Jesse snuck away to the garage where they became fast friends over a love of comic books. He introduced her to Dina across the street and if Abby ever finds out that she used to have the biggest crush on Dina she probably really will punch Dina if she gets too friendly with Ellie again.
Abby clears her throat, pulling Ellie out of her thoughts.
“Right,” Maria says, leading them all into the living room of the large five bedroom house. “We don’t really use keys here, but you can bolt the door if that makes you feel more comfortable. If you need anything just ask around, most people are fine sharing or trading with travelers. Foods at the Tipsy Bison each morning from 7 to 9, afternoon 12 to 1, and evening 6 to 8. Feel free to grab food there. I don’t know how long you all are planning on staying, but there is a dance at the end of the week that you are more than welcome to stay for.”
“How can we repay you for all the meals and lodging?” Owen asks.
“During the day you can check the sign up boards. Ellie, you remember where they are right?”
Ellie nods.
“Well okay then. If you have any questions feel free to come find me, I’m at the Bison most days but my house isn’t too far from here just ask around and people will point you in the right direction,” Maria says, “Ellie can I speak with you outside for a moment.”
Ellie furrows her brows, sparing one look at her friends who have all started to explore their new home for the next few days, before she follows Maria out of the house once again. She is barely out when she turns and sees Abby following them out as well.
Abby closes the door behind them turning to face Maria head on as she wraps her arm around Ellie’s waist. “If there is anything you need to say to Ellie you can say it to me too.”
The only thing that showed any kind of surprise on Maria’s face was the little twitch that her eyebrow made before she schooled her expression back to neutral.
“I ---” Ellie tries to come up with a reasonable suggestion otherwise.
“That’s fine.” Maria cuts her off, meeting Abby’s gaze with equal intensity. “I was just going to remind Ellie that dinner starts at 7. You are of course welcome to join.”
Abby nods her head, “I’ll be there.”
There’s nothing left for Ellie to do.
No argument she can try to make.
No chance that she can revoke the invitation or acceptance. All she can do is nod her head and watch as Maria walks down the porch steps.
_________
Joel has never been more cold in his life.
He almost regrets coming back north for the winter, but he couldn’t just stay in Georgia.
Tommy is probably already craving a stone for him. Maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe he deserves to just lay down and never get up again. He’s close enough to Jackson now that someone would probably find him after the thaw. It would have to be one of their longer patrol runs they do every few months or so. The more experienced ones do that trip.
Just as the plan starts to settle in, movement in his jacket hood reminds him why he hasn’t just given up yet. Claws dig into his shoulder and a small part of him welcomes the pain. Besides, he’s used to the feeling of the cat climbing up his clothes by now that it doesn’t really bother him. But it does remind him that he is not the only one freezing their tails off in this snow.
Finding a house to make a quick camp in isn’t difficult. He’s still on the outskirts, the country really, but he has visited this farmhouse enough times on his way back to Jackson that he knows it will still take him a few days to get to Jackson’s gate if not a week with how much snow he still has to trek through.
As soon as he puts his bag down just inside the door of the house, Buttons hopes down off his shoulder and darts through the house. She’s been a good indicator on whether or not a house is clear of infected. If the house is clean she’ll dart off to investigate, but if she smells anything at all she’ll barely leave his bag.
The couple that found him in Atlanta had said that he was the only person she didn’t bite upon meeting. When he finally told them that he was leaving after spending damn near half a year in their house they had insisted that he take her with him. They had said that they just didn’t like the though of how lonely he would get on the road. He didn’t really know how to tell them that he wasn’t really planning on staying on the road too long anyways.
He had tried countless times to leave her places on his way from Atlanta, but her little cat legs would take her straight back to him everytime he tried. He didn’t think he had grown as attached to her as he did until he thought he had lost her when they were crossing the Mississippi River on a poorly constructed boat and he fell in, but she just swim the rest of the distance while he spent longer then he would like to admit searching the river for her only to find her staring at him from a boulder drying out in the sun. That was when he knew he had to at least get the cat safely to his brother. It became the only thing pushing him to continue moving some days. She became the only thing he was capable of fighting for.
Maybe Betty and Jeanie knew that all along. Maybe giving him the cat was their way of telling him to hang on and fight.
They had saved him from some hunters almost as soon as he stepped foot in Atlanta. It was pure luck that they had even been there that day, but once a month they would make the trip to get supplies and it just so happened that they came across his shootout. He almost shot them until he saw Betty throw a pipe bomb at the hunters and Jeanie come to his side and practically carried him out. He was already in too bad a shape to protest.
He was just so tired. He still is.
But instead of hurting him they dragged him to their little town and healed him. The town was much smaller than Jackson, but it worked similarly enough. They hadn’t known that hunters were in their area until that shoot out. It had taken some time to scare them out, but Joel had stayed and helped all the while asking and searching for any sign that Ellie might have come here or if the Fireflies were starting a new base somewhere.
It was a long shot, but he had to try. Jeanie had been a Firefly and a lot of other residents also had some kind of past affiliation with them as well, some good, some bad. He doesn’t know why he stayed so long in Georgia even after learning that Ellie hadn’t come through there.
Maybe it was because he had promised Tommy that this would be the last time he went out in search of her. Maybe he was dragging it out because once he steps foot back in Jackson it would be all over. He’ll have to accept that he’ll never know if she is alive or okay ever again.
Joel had been to Arizona, Nevada, Montana, Idaho, and parts of Canada and all he got were more scars and near death experiences.
Joel makes a small fire in the fireplace of the farmhouse and starts changing into some dry clothes. He drapes his wet items over the couch and gets to cooking some dinner, some Chef Boyardee. It takes him longer to open the can than it used to and Joel doesn’t know if that is because his hands are still too cold to operate properly or if he is just getting older.
“Hey girl,” Joel says when he sees the cat come back. Her tail swishes back and forth as she re-enters the room making a B-line for Joel’s lap where she places a dead mouse before sitting back and staring at him expectedly.
“Um, thanks, but I prefer this stuff,” He says, slightly shaking the can before he picks the mouse up from its tail and throws it against the wall by the front door.
The cat just blinks slowly at him before curling up by his side.
Later that night, after he has fed both himself and Buttons, Joel finds himself gently petting her as she lays curled up near his feet.
“We’ll be home soon,” He says mostly to himself, but he sees her ears twitch at the sound of his voice. “Just a few more days. I think Ethan will like you.”
He takes the last few sips of his whisky already thinking of hitting his other hiding spots of liquor on his way back. He isn’t in any real hurry to get back. That would just make his failings all too real. He’ll find the radio station and let his brother know he’s alive and on the way back, but he might just stay here for a few days too. There’s really not much to go back to anyways.
He goes to sleep to the sounds of purring and the pang of guilt and regret.
Notes:
Thank you so much for reading!!
You didn't think that I would leave Joel out of this chapter did you? (I feel a little like Opera. "You get a pet, you get a pet. Everybody gets a pet!" lol)
I just wanted to warn everyone that I might not be able to stick to my upload schedule moving forward. I thought I could, but work has still been crazy and I just haven't had as much time to write as I would like. I want to make sure that I am telling the best story I can and for me that requires some more time then a week to polish everything up.
I don't have a definite timeline for when I will have more time to write, but I will continue to work on this story when I do as I am determined to finish it.
Thanks for understanding.
Perview to next chapter:
Abby meets Tommy.
Chapter 29: Chapter 29
Summary:
Dinner with Tommy. Abby learns some very new information.
This story is inspired by 'Both Sides Now' by Fuckingvideogames. If you haven't already checked that story out, what are you doing here. lol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
When Abby leads Ellie back into the house everyone has already gathered in the living room. Some sit on the couch right in front of the fireplace while others lean on walls with their arms crossed. Any pretense that they weren’t just talking about them gone as a thick silence hangs heavy in the air.
The occasional crinkle of the fire that someone started in the fireplace and the soft click of the door as Abby closes it are the only sounds that break the silence in the room. Abby’s eyes slide over the expressions of her friends before landing on Ellie.
She looks exhausted and Abby can’t even imagine what must be going through her head right now, especially given how little sleep she must have gotten the night before.
Ellie will need at least some rest before tonight. Abby thinks, already brainstorming the fastest way to get Ellie into a room so they can talk and Ellie can sleep before they have to leave for dinner.
Something Abby is sure Ellie is not looking forward to, but what kind of girlfriend would she be if she let Ellie have an awkward dinner with her estranged family by herself? She already messed up by letting her walk into that back room by herself to face them alone once already today, she’s not going to abandon her again. The least she can do is be there to provide some kind of support, and if she can figure out why Ellie left in the first place?
Well then that will just be a plus.
Manny puts a wrinkle in Abby’s plan as he leans forward in his seat on the couch, “So are we going to pretend like all that didn’t just happen?”
Ellie sighs, looking even more tired if that is even possible, as she takes a seat in the only other empty chair in the living room. Almost like they purposely left it free for her. “I can understand that you all might have some questions. So lay it on me.”
The group is only silent for a second before Owen speaks up. “Well there’s the question of Joel.”
“Joel’s not here.” Ellie says quickly, almost cutting Owen off. “Tommy doesn’t really know where he is or if he is even still alive.”
“How do you know Tommy?” Nora asks, eyes narrowing.
Ellie sinks further into her seat with a shrug.
“It’s Jackson, everyone knows Tommy. He used to be pretty active in patrol training. Taught me how to use a sniper rifle. Well taught me how to use a sniper rifle better that is.” Ellie mutters the last sentence looking anywhere but up at her friends. “Tommy and Maria practically run Jackson. Technically there's a committee, but Maria’s dad was the one that rounded up all the people and protected them here when the outbreak first happened. So as much as Maria says she doesn’t run the place. She does and Tommy’s married to her. So you can imagine how well everyone here knows everyone else. You can’t really enter Jackson without at least talking to him.”
“Why didn’t you tell us you were from here sooner?” Mel asks.
It’s a question that Abby also wonders, but one she was going to wait to ask about until they were alone. Looking at Ellie now, Abby can see her starting to shut down. Whether that was from tiredness or something else didn’t really matter to Abby at the moment.
“I…” Ellie starts, then deflates. “I don’t know.”
“How do we know they are even telling the truth?” Manny asks, his tone hardened.
“Tommy wouldn’t lie to me.” Ellie answers resolutely.
“How do we know you’re telling the truth?” Manny raises his hands in anger.
“Hey,” Abby shouts, “Don’t fucking question her loyalty. When did she ever give you a reason to doubt her? Never that’s when. So shut the fuck up. She’s done answering your stupid fucking questions. Come on Ellie.”
Abby doesn’t give Ellie the chance to interject as she takes her by the hand and pulls her from the chair and into the first room she can find on the first level, slamming the door shut once they are both safely inside.
“Sorry,” Abby sighs, closing her eyes, her back against the door, “Manny was just way out of line.”
“It’s okay,” Ellie says, pulling her hand out of Abby’s grip, “I get it. It’s a valid question.”
“It’s not a valid fucking questions.” Abby opens her eyes to look at her.
“I know how this looks. I’d understand if none of you trust me anymore.”
“Hey,” Abby's hand comes up to cup Ellie’s face, “Don’t say that. You being from here doesn’t change who you are. You’re still you. You’re still the girl that saved every last one of them out there at least once. Saved me more times than I can even count.”
Abby wraps her arms around Ellie pulling her body in close as she leads them both further into the room. Thankfully the room she picked has a bed as she sits down on it, situating Ellie on her lap so that she is straddling one of Abby’s thick thighs. The position makes Ellie ever so slightly taller than her and allows Abby to do her favorite thing in the world, rest her head on the valley between Ellie’s breasts so that she can hear the steady thump of Ellie’s heart as it beats. Ellie still wears Abby's old winter jacket but the zipper has long since been undone since making it to town.
Abby can feel Ellie’s body relax in her arms as well and she starts to hug Abby back.
“I do wish you would have told me sooner,” Abby says and she can feel Ellie tense in her arms again.
“I honestly never thought I would be back here,” Ellie whispers against Abby’s hair. “It was easier to just pretend like I never knew this place. Start new you know? Somewhere no one knew me. Somewhere where I didn’t have to live under some shadow.”
Abby nods her head, lending back on the bed until they are both laying down. “Get some rest. We can talk again after you sleep. You can’t run on fumes forever.”
Ellie’s arms tighten around Abby as she moves.
“Please don’t leave me,” Ellie whispers, the weight of her words heavy on Abby’s shoulders.
Abby returns the squeeze, “Never.”
* * *
It doesn’t take long for Ellie to fall asleep in Abby’s arms.
When Ellie’s breath evens out, Abby gently rolls her off her body as she slowly gets up from the bed. Abby watches her sleep for just a moment before pulling the covers further over Ellie. She tucks a stray hair behind Ellie's ear before quietly leaving the room.
“That’s enough.” Owen’s harsh whisper can be heard from the living room as soon as Abby gently closes the door. “You’ve seen how big this place is. How many people there are here. Without her getting us in we would have all been dead before even finding out that Joel isn’t even fucking here.”
“It’s still fishy as fuck man,” Manny sighs. “Why’d she wait this long to just tell us? She could have told us at any time. It’s us! What was she so afraid of?”
”Maybe that’s why she never told us,” Leah speaks up. “I mean look how you’re acting right now. In her shoes I don’t know if I would have said anything either.”
”That still doesn’t explain why she didn’t say something before we got here,” Manny huffs. “She's known we were coming here for months now.”
”Hey!” Abby interjects, “What the fuck did I just say?”
”Abby, come on. We all like Ellie.” Manny pleads, “I like Ellie. She’s one of my best friends, but you can’t deny that all of this is a little too convenient. She seemed really fucking close with Tommy. And don’t tell me you believe that bullshit about everyone knowing Tommy?”
“Let me make one thing abundantly clear," Abby says staring Manny down, "It doesn’t matter how long it took her to tell us. She told us. That’s it, that’s all that matters. There’s a lot of fucking shit that I took a real long fucking time to tell her too. So if I hear you giving her shit about not saying anything sooner you will be hearing from me again and I won't make it this nice next time.”
Abby makes eye contact with each of her friends in turn. “Besides, Ellie and I will be having dinner with Maria and Tommy. So if you don’t trust Ellie you can at least trust that I’ll get whatever information out of them that I can.”
When she finishes speaking Abby can tell that Manny still doesn’t fully want to let the subject go, but she didn’t give him much of a choice and all he can do now is nod along with the rest of their party.
* * *
Abby wakes Ellie up 30 minutes before 7 to leave for dinner. By this time, everyone has already retreated to the rooms that they picked hours ago, allowing Abby and Ellie to leave the house without any further interruptions from the team.
That of course doesn’t mean that their journey was completely without interruption though.
Abby tries not to feel mad or jealous when that girl, Dina, comes up and hugs Ellie again, hand sliding down her arms to grip one of Ellie’s hands in both of hers. The Asian boy is there too, but he keeps his hands to himself, even though Abby would much prefer he be the one hugging and hanging off Ellie then this fucking girl.
Now that Abby can recognise what it looks like when a woman finds another woman attractive Abby can clearly see Dina’s interest in Ellie and she doesn’t like it one bit. Even worse, Ellie doesn’t seem to notice that her hand is still in Dina’s as they talk. Ellie’s always been a little obvious, but fuck how can she not see the little twinkle in Dina’s eyes as she looks at Ellie or that fucking smirk when she says something even slightly suggestive.
They're talking about the infected in the area so Abby tries to tune it out, choosing instead to bend over and pet Beans as she wiggles in the snow.
“Your friend is welcome to come if you want. It’s not going to be far from the Gate,” Dina says and something in her tone pulls Abby back into the conversation.
“I don’t think we’ll have time today we’re on the way to dinner with Maria and Tommy. Maybe if there’s another one before we go,” Ellie says regrettably. “I’ll make time to catch up with you both later. Maybe tomorrow?”
“You want to come on patrol with us?” Jesse pipes up rubbing the back of his head. “We kind of could use another person out there. Eugene died last week.”
“Eugene! God what happened? Did hunters roll through? Infected?”
“Calm your tits. It was a heart attack,” Dina says lightly smacking Ellie's shoulder.
Abby's eye narrow at the action.
“My tits are very much calm thank you." Ellie visibly relaxes. "But damn natural causes? That’s still crazy.”
“Yeah,” Jesse lets out a laugh. “But what do you say? Think you still remember the routes?”
“Hmm maybe. I really only did the lodge route with Tommy and…” Ellie’s eyes pass to Abby, still crouched down with Beans. “Whoever was with Tommy I guess. Look guys we really gotta go.”
Ellie finally seems to notice her hand in Dina’s and she backs away to move closer to Abby still talking to Dina as she does so, “You know how Maria is. I’ll be at the stables tomorrow morning at 7 okay. If not, come grab me. We’re staying at the Baltimore's old place.”
Ellie takes Abby’s hand as she leads them further away from the pair before they have the chance to say anything more to her.
“Sorry about that,” Ellie says waving her hand in couples direction, “They’re great and all, but who knew people could change so much in two years.”
Abby hums, “Did you and Dina… ever get together?”
Abby walks a few steps before she has to stop because her arm is anchored to Ellie and Ellie has stopped in her tracks to stare at her, head tilted to the side with her eyebrows drawn deeply together. Ellie's eyes narrow ever so slightly as she slowly walks forward.
“Abby?” Elie’s eyes widen in understanding. “Are you jealous?”
“What! Don’t be ridiculous. I’m just asking.”
Ellie loops her arm through Abby’s as she continues walking. “Dina’s just being Dina. She likes to flirt and push the boundaries, but she doesn’t mean anything by it. She’s been dating Jesse for years now. Don’t worry about her.”
“So you're saying that she’s never shown any interest in you or any other girl here.”
“Abby. I’ve been gone for two fucking years,” Ellie says softly. “Anything could have happened in that time and it’s not like we have really had the chance to sit down and catch up. Two years ago she was just a girl that my first friend here had a crush on. Where is this coming from?”
“Nowhere. It’s stupid,” Abby says looking down and away from Ellie.
It would be easier if Ellie had been madder that Abby had asked. Instead Ellie just studies her for a moment. A hand comes up to cup Abby’s cheek guiding her face to look at Ellie once again.
“Dina doesn’t matter to me like that. Maybe she would have if I had stayed, but between the two of you. I chose you.” Ellie brings her in for a short kiss. “You’re more important to me than she is.”
Abby lips pull up into a small smile.
“Come on,” Ellie says, lacing their hands together, “We’re almost at Tommy’s.”
Tommy’s...
Tommy.
Joel’s younger brother.
The man that Ellie has been avoiding talking about for two years.
Abby suddenly feels like she has been a fool this whole time. A fool and a terrible girlfriend at that. Ellie came all this way knowing that she would have to face Tommy again after leaving on bad terms and all Abby can think about is a potential one sided crush that some girl might have on her girlfriend.
Not only is Ellie willingly facing Tommy again, she also came all this way with her knowing that Abby plans on killing the brother of a man that is practically her father no matter how much Ellie protests otherwise.
Abby can’t help but be a little grateful that Joel isn’t actually here at the moment. As soon as she has the thought crosses her mind her throat closes up and her heart starts to race.
Suddenly she can't get enough air into her lungs and she might as well be back in that hospital hallway.
Abby shakes her head. No she is not grateful that Joel isn't here.
She can't be.
She can't.
Ellie stops in front of a cute two story house with a porch three steps up to take a deep breath before giving Abby a nervous smile. Right when Ellie opens her mouth to say something the door opens and a small figure darts out.
The little boy makes it down only one step before he stops in his tracks looking at the two of them for a second before turning back around and running back where he came from.
“Ethan William Miller!” Maria yells coming to the door right as he darts back inside. She makes a move to close the door, but stops when she sees them standing before her porch steps.
Maria opens the door wider, throwing her head back to call into the house, “Come back Ethan, I told you Ellie was coming over.”
Abby can see the boy peek out from behind his mothers leg as Ellie gives him a small wave, “Hi, remember me?”
He darts back into the house as soon as Ellie starts to speak and she lets her hand drop heavily.
“Four year olds, don’t take it too personally. Give him some time to warm back up to you,” Maria says as she waves them both inside.
The house is warm, a little blanket is thrown over a lazy boy chair and the couch looks well worn in. Abby and Ellie stand in the foyer as they take off and hang their coats.
“Tommy’s out back,” Maria whispers in a way that Abby is sure she wasn’t supposed to hear. Then louder she says, “Can you help me in the kitchen Ellie? Abby, make yourself at home.”
Ellie looks at Abby like it’s a question to her instead, to which Abby nods and indicates that she will just be in the living room as she watches Ellie follow Maria to the other room where she guesses the kitchen is located.
As soon as she is alone Abby instantly feels awkward, like she’s wrong to even be in this space. It’s a strange feeling to want to make a good impression on someone while also knowing that she is there to ultimately kill said someone's brother. At least Beans has decided to keep her company in the living room. The dog brushes her body up against Abby’s leg as she makes her way further into the living room, reminding Abby of the dog's presents as she stands awkwardly in front of the couch.
She follows Beans over to the lit fireplace where the dog immediately curls up by the fire. There are toddler toys littered all around the living room and on her way Abby picks up a few, throwing them into what is clearly a toy bin next to the lazy boy.
Along with the couch, a rug, and a coffee table the centerpiece to the room was really the mental place. For as cluttered as the rest of the living room is, the mental is the one piece of furniture that remains clean and relatively clear with the only things on it being a chalkboard in the center with three sets of names and dates written on it along with three unlit candles in front.
As she takes a step closer to examine the names she steps on something. When she lifts her foot she sees that the item she stepped on is actually a firefly pendant. Bending to pick it up without thinking, she turns the pendant around in her hands to see the name Thomas Miller carved into the other side. She never thought that she would see this pendant again, the last memory she has of her own is her throwing hers as far into the woods behind St. Mary’s Hospital at the end of her fathers rushed funeral right before everyone split up.
“Whatcha got there?” Tommy’s voice comes out of nowhere making Abby jump ever so slightly as she whips around to face him.
She doesn’t know how long he has been at the door leading to the backyard holding an arm full of chopped firewood, but she doesn’t think it was for that long. She holds out the pendant to him as she instinctively goes to help him.
Tommy trades the firewood for the pendant with a laugh. “You know I’ve been looking all over for this. Ethan used to love this thing as a baby. Always wanting to hold it or bite on it. I probably shouldn’t have let him do that now that I think about it.”
Abby nods her head at his rambling as she puts the firewood away by the fireplace, “Ellie didn’t say you’re a Firefly.”
Abby stands up from her task to see him looking at the pendant still in his hands.
“I’m not. Or rather I’m not anymore that is. I left that life behind a long time ago. Tommy says, placing the pendant on the mantle, “What about you?”
Abby pauses, not really knowing what to say to him, “Same I guess? Not being a Firefly any more that is.”
Tommy nods, “There are a few of us here that were Fireflies once upon a time, so you’re not the first if that was something you were worried about. ”
A pleasant silence falls over them only broken by Tommy clearing his throat.
“We should um, probably erase Ellie’s name now, right,” He says pointing at the chalk board with the names on it.
“Um uh yeah,” Abby says, “Who are the other two?”
“Kevin’s my brother.” A small voice comes from behind her. Ethan has come back with another toy in his hands, a small dinosaur with a long neck. He runs up to Tommy and the older man bends to pick his son up into his arms, swinging him around to get a joyful squeak out of him before Ethan settles into his fathers arms. “Sarah’s my cousin, but they're not here anymore. We have to light the candles to talk to them. Where’s Ellie?.”
“She’s in the kitchen helping momma. You want to go and help them too?” Tommy asks.
Ethan nods and squirms until Tommy lets him down and he runs away again.
Tommy gives a soft smile as he watches his son leave, before he seems to realize that Abby is still in the room with him.
“Well he said it, didn’t he,” Tommy mutters, turning back to the memorial, one hand going up to rub at the edge.
Abby looks closer at the dates on the chalkboard. “September 2003. That’s…”
Her voice trails off as she looks from the board to Tommy as he nods. “They didn’t make it far into this new cruel world. Sometimes I still can’t decide if that is a blessing or a curse, but you want to hear what the real fucked up part is?”
Tommy doesn’t even look at Abby for her input. “The infected weren’t even the ones to do it. Those first few days…months…years even, were a madhouse. No one knew what was going on or who to trust or even how the infection spread at first. Watching my niece fade away in my brother's arms after being shot by the very people who were meant to protect us just seems cruel. Hard to believe that just the day before she was joking around and making the shittiest birthday breakfast for Joel. Girl could not keep the egg shells out of the bowl for scrambled eggs.”
Tommy lets out a small breathy laugh at that.
“What did he do to the people that did it? That killed her?” She doesn’t know what possesses her to ask. She shouldn’t care what he did or didn’t do.
Tommy shakes his head, “Nothing would have brought her back. Nothing would have stopped the pain he was in.”
“He just let them go,” Abby doesn’t know what to do with this new information about Joel. “That’s…”
“One thing we learned quickly in the beginning is that you can’t change the past, all you can do is keep moving forward. Keep finding something to fight for.” Tommy waves his hand towards where his son ran off to. “Until you find something worth living for too. Watching a loved one die like that changes a person. It can take you down a real dark path if you let it. It can also make you do anything you can to protect the few people you still have left in this world. Endure and survive.” Tommy chuckles like this is some kind of private joke, “But I found my reason to live again and even Joel found his. Eventually.”
“So,” Abby says, “why isn’t he here?”
Tommy tightens his lips, “You want a beer?”
Abby knows she pushed too far to fast and she won’t get anymore information out of him. All she can do is nod.
Nod at the brother of the man that killed her father.
Nod at Ellie’s Museum Guy.
_______
When Ellie follows Maria to the kitchen she knows that this will not be just a simple task of helping out. If there was one thing that Ellie knew about Maria it was that she can't just let things go.
“Don’t think I’m not still pissed at you for leaving the way you did,” Maria says, not looking at Ellie as she stirs the gravy in the pot. "You used me and you vaulted my trust in you."
“Did you actually want any help in here or what?”
“Here, take this over.” Maria hands her over the spoon as she moves to check the meat in the oven.
Ellie nods halfheartedly.
“You know one thing keeps turning around in my mind that just doesn’t make sense to me.” Maria closes the oven door gently, standing right next to Ellie with her arms crossed. “Why don’t you want these new friends of yours to know about you and Joel?”
Ellie can feel Maria’s gazes on her as she stirs the gravy slowly.
“If you are in some kind of trouble we can help you, but we have to know what is going on first,” Maria continues when Ellie doesn’t respond.
Ellie rolls her eyes, “Everything’s fine-”
“Ellie!” Ethan comes running into the kitchen with his toy dinosaur in his hands, interrupting Ellie, “Look, look. It’s long neck.”
Ethan runs right at Ellie like she hasn’t been gone for two years.
“Oh sweet you still have the Sauropod I gave you,” Ellie says, taking the dinosaur from his hands.
Ethan nods proud of himself. “Daddy said I could help.”
“Did he now?” Maria says, “Get your step stool.”
As Ethan runs to the corner where his step stool lives, Maria turns to Ellie, “This isn’t over.”
Ellie nods as Ethan runs back, stool in hand, and climbs up to the counter.
Ellie, Maria, and Ethan finish getting dinner ready, the only interruption being Tommy coming in to grab two beers from the fridge before he messes up Ethan’s hair and gives Maria a soft kiss to her cheek that Ellie rolls her eyes at on his way back to the living room. Ellie can’t hear what they talk about, but Abby hasn’t come into the kitchen angry at her yet so she can guess that Tommy is respecting her wish to not talk about her and Joel.
As she sets the table Ellie remembers when family dinners were a weekly event. One that she would occasionally invite Jesse to just to have another person her age to talk to. As they all take their seats, Ellie can feel the weight of Joel’s absence in the empty chair at the head of the table.
Tommy clears his throat, his eyes darting from the empty chair to Ellie as he does so before they settle on Abby. “Ellie said your name was Abby, right? What’s your last name? If you don’t mind me asking.”
“Oh um,” Abby’s hand finds Ellie’s leg under the table startling her slightly at the touch, but she quickly takes Abby’s hand in hers as she gives it an encouraging squeeze. “Anderson. Abigail Anderson.”
“Hmm Anderson you say,” Tommy mutters and his eyes widen. “You Gerald and Isabella’s girl?”
Abby stiffens, a fork full of mash potatoes half way to her mouth, “You knew my parents?”
Tommy laughs, “I knew you looked familiar! I was only based in the Colorado University for a few weeks, but I think I remember a little girl running around there. That and you look just like Isabella. I think I even still have some pictures from that time somewhere if you want to look?”
“You have pictures of baby Abby?” Ellie can’t help but tease. “You have got to find them for me.”
“God no please,” Abby says, food forgotten as she cradles her head in her hands.
Tommy lets out another laugh. “I’ll look for them after dinner. You’ll have to stay for dessert.”
“One good thing about being an orphan is you’ll never get to see my baby pictures,” Ellie laughs, thankful for the topic of conversation being as far from Joel as it could be.
“Yeah well I thought I was in the clear too,” Abby mutters, head still in her hands.
The tension and awkwardness that Ellie feared would overtake dinner never comes as Ethan goes on to babble about what dessert they are having and if Ellie has seen any dinosaurs while she was gone. Each little comment he makes causes each of them to laugh at his antics and the conversation thankfully stays on relatively safe territory.
Ellie can see Tommy sneak pieces of the meat to Beans under the table, effectively winning her over as she allows him to pet her head in between lulls in conversation until dinner is finished and they all retire to the living room for dessert. Tommy sneaks upstairs to find the pictures he promised and it almost feels normal.
Right even.
Like Abby was always meant to be here in Tommy’s home. Laughing over Ethan’s mispronounced words. Even Maria has to smile at how well Ethan has taken to Abby’s presents.
“Here we are,” Tommy says as he comes back down the stairs with a thick picture book. He sits down and starts flipping. Ethan comes over and crawls into Tommy’s lap as he does. “There you are with Isabella.”
Ellie leans over to see what can only be Abby’s mom sitting and laughing with a grumpy looking little girl that must be a young Abby at her mothers feet getting her hair braided.
“You must have been, what seven or eight in this picture?” Tommy says.
Abby takes the book in her hands as he slides it over to her on the coffee table, her plate of apple pie forgotten next to it.
“I didn’t spend much time at the Lab. I was mostly over in the Denver QZ.” His voice gets low remembering his time there. “But I heard about what happened to your momma. She was a kind soul and a great scientist.”
Abby nods her finger lightly grazing the picture. She swallows thickly, “Did you ever meet my dad.”
“I sure did,” Tommy laughs, “That man practically robbed me any change he could get in a game of cards.”
Abby’s eyes widens at his laugh.
Tommy didn’t have many pictures for Abby to look through from that time, but he did let her keep the one he had of both her and her mother. Abby’s eyes barely look away from it as they make their way back to the Baltimore's.
“What’s on your mind?” Ellie asks as they get closer to their temporary home.
Abby takes a deep breath.
“You know I don’t have any pictures of my mother. I don’t know if there just weren’t any taken of her or if my dad got rid of them all, but… It’s just really weird to see her after all this time. She must have died not much longer after this was taken. She was gone before I turned eight. I heard whispers around the Labs of her experiments. There was this whole basement area away from the main labs where they would keep one Runner studying it as it changed to a Stalker and then a Clicker. I think it was just about to become a Bloater when it happened.” Beans comes in close to Abby as she sits on the steps of their temporary home and Abby digs her fingers into her fur. “Do you think Tommy knows what his brother did to his friends?”
Ellie quietly sits next to her, taking Abby’s hand in her own. “Family means everything to Tommy.”
“Yeah that's what I thought,” Abby mutters.
* * *
Ellie can’t sleep.
By the time she and Abby came home, the rest of their group was nowhere to be seen, presumably all asleep by then. Which left Abby and Ellie to get ready for bed in silence, both tired from the long emotional day they had.
Now Abby lays next to her sleeping peacefully with her arm thrown over Ellie’s waist and Beans at the foot of their bed. If Ellie closes her eyes she can almost imagine them all back at the Stadium.
But Ellie can’t sleep.
She feels sick.
Her stomach hasn’t stopped churning since getting to town. Sure sometimes it lessened when she forgets what Abby’s here to actually do, but it never fully goes away.
Joel isn’t here.
But he should be.
Ellie can’t quiet her mind; she has to move.
To walk.
To do… something.
Slowly she slides Abby’s arm off her waist as she stands from the bed. Abby doesn’t even move, but Beans lifts her head to stare at her. Ellie puts her finger to her mouth like Beans will understand her. After a tense moment Beans simply rests her head back down on her paws, closing her eyes again, deeming anything Ellie does as uninteresting in favor of sleep.
Ellie slides on her shoes not bothering to lace them and throws a jacket over her sleepwear. She doesn’t know where she is going at first as she walks down the street. She does two full loops around the block before she stops in front of the place she suddenly knows she was always heading to.
Slowly she walks up the stairs, pausing at the door, hand slightly shaking as it raises to turn the handle like she has done so many times before.
Joel’s wind chime sound in the breeze.
She needs this.
Needs to know for one hundred percent certainty that Joel isn’t here. That Tommy hasn’t just been lying to her. For what reason he’d have to lie she doesn’t know, but if Joel truly isn’t just hiding in his house then that means he’s really gone.
He’s really out there somewhere looking for her. She remembers what it was like when they were traveling together. She knows what it takes to feel safe in the dark forests and the very real possibility that Joel might be dead hits her in the gut.
She finally works up the courage to twist the doorknob open and walks inside.
And it’s like nothing has been moved or changed since the last time she was here aside from his missing patrol boots by the door.
Ellie walks through the house silently searching for any little thing that could tell her Joel might still be here. The thought of Joel being here, safe in Jackson, was what allowed her to stay in Seattle for so long. If she had known that Joel would have gone out looking for her she wouldn’t have even started her journey.
She would have stayed. She would have waited in that hospital until he came looking for her, no matter how long that took. She would have asked him why he did it and she would have come back with him.
She’d be mad sure. She might not even talk to him for a long time, but at least she would know that he was safe and he would know that she was too and they could have continued until Ellie forgave him… And Ellie would have forgiven him eventually.
But she would have never met Abby. Ellie doesn’t want to think about a world where she might not have met Abby until she came to kill Joel.
Ellie walks all throughout the house as she lets the thoughts wash over her.
She picks up the picture of Joel and Sarah that Tommy had saved from before the outbreak and quickly puts it back, continuing up the stairs until she stands in front of his bedroom door. She doesn’t know which image she wants to see when she opens it.
A sleeping Joel?
Or an empty bed?
One would mean that Tommy lied to her. A trait that could very easily run in the family. And the other would mean that Joel could be anywhere bleeding out with no one around him to stitch him up again. Left out for the animals to tear apart. The thought brings a sting to her eyes in a way she wasn’t expecting.
But there is only one way to find out.
She turns the doorknob.
The bed is empty.
Worse… it's striped.
Ellie doesn’t know if he did it before he left or if someone else has been in after he was gone and did it, but there it is, the last of Ellie’s odd hope that Joel was safe in town somewhere… gone.
Killed.
Ellie can’t figure out if this is a good thing or a terrible thing. At least with Abby there was a possibility of talking her out of what she wants to do. For all either Tommy or Ellie knows Joel could be dead by now. The only thing keeping her grounded a little bit is the fact that Tommy doesn’t think Joel is dead.
But it’s like he is.
Ellie slowly walks to his closet and opens the door.
She remembers coming in here and stealing his shirts when they first got here. He never once called her out on it when he would see her running around town in a new one even if he had to trade something good to get it. Now she stands there taking in that woodsy smell. His scent still lingers in the closet and Ellie brings his favorite jacket to her nose as she breathes the scent in deeply.
Her eyes hurt with the tears she tries to keep at bay.
Exiting the closet, jacket still in hand, Ellie can’t help but look around the room one more time.
The moonlight falls onto his bed and Ellie follows the beam to the window. She never noticed that his bedroom looked down onto her studio garage.
How many times had he watched her light turn off from up here?
How many days did he stay here when she left?
Did he ever get mad at her?
Did he tear her room up in anger when he realizes she was gone?
She doesn’t know the answers to all of her questions, but there is at least one she can answer right now and she is down the stairs and across the backyard before she truly decides what she is doing.
She doesn’t have the same dilemma entering her old space as she did entering his and the door is opened quickly.
She doesn’t know what she wanted the studio to look like, but this is not it. Nothing is out of place, yet Ellie can still tell that someone has slept in her bed and left without remaking it. She knows that it must have been Joel, but she can’t wrap her head around why he would do something like that. The tears she managed to keep at bay finally start to fall.
“I’m sorry.” She whispers out to no one as she sinks down.
His old worn jacket still clutched tight in her arms.
Notes:
Hello!!! Thank you for reading!
Sorry that was a lot longer of a break then I thought it was going to be.
Honestly the whole Jackson arc is really hard to write because I want Abby to be forced to see Joel as someone other then the monster she built up in her head before she actually meets him you know?
Anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Not sure when the next one will be up, but I'm hoping no longer then two weeks.
I know no one will ask but yes Ethan's middle name is from Ellie's last name. (Just a little extra nod to fact that Ellie is part of their family even if she doesn't think she is.)
Preview to next chapter:
Ellie goes on patrol with Dina.
Abby makes herself useful in town.
Chapter 30
Summary:
Ellie goes on patrol with Dina.
This story is inspired by 'both Sides Now' by Fuckingvidoegames.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Ellie woke to knocking.
At first she wasn’t sure where the sound came from or if she had simply dreamt it. Her eyes are still dry and crusty from the tears she shed the night before as she blinks them open and closed a few times. She settles for them closed, not wanting to fully wake up from her dream yet.
She doesn’t quite remember when she left her old studio, but she knows it must not have been very long ago, her skin still a little cold from the late night air.
Ellie turns over trying to seek out the warmth that Abby’s body usually provides in these early mornings. She stretches her arm along the bed, fully expecting to run into the hard planes of Abby’s back or stomach, but all she finds is a subtle indent of the mattress under the soft sheets. Sitting up fast, Ellie takes a second to clear enough sleep from her eyes to see that Abby and Beans are nowhere to be seen.
Checking her watch, she sees that it’s ten minutes past seven in the morning, meaning that the knock on the door was not a dream at all. Cursing Ellie leaps from the bed and she is out of the bedroom at record speeds. She slows as she rounds the corner to see Abby standing in the frame of the open front door.
As she expects, Jesse is standing on the other side of the door, his path inside blocked by Abby’s body as she stands firm with her arms crossed over her chest. It’s a stance that Ellie has seen many times from her before, usually when they were tasked with keeping guard at a particularly dangerous outpost. It’s not something Ellie has seen from her since leaving Seattle though.
Ellie isn’t sure what Jesse could have said or done to Abby to warrant her ‘don’t fuck with me’ stance, but she is still not awake enough to put much thought into it.
“Hey, sorry I overslept,” Ellie says, voice still groggy from sleep as she comes up behind Abby to see Jesse properly, “What are you doing waiting out there?”
The rest of the group must still be asleep as no one is in the living room except for Beans who sits curled up on top of some blankets on the couch.
Jesse’s eyes dart from Abby to Ellie in quick succession, like he is regretting coming to get her in the first place. Abby sighs, stepping away from the door to face Ellie only to stop short when she takes in Ellie’s full appearance. Ellie can’t even guess how bad she must looks, still in her sleep clothes with barely a few hours of sleep under her belt, but Abby doesn’t need to know that she went to bed only a few hours before she woke up. As far as Abby knows they should have slept the same amount.
Abby’s eyebrows furrow, still taking in Ellie’s appearance, “He said there isn’t room on the patrol for me to tag along.”
“Are there not enough horses?” Ellie asks, turning her attention to Jesse.
“There’s just not enough room," Jesse says, giving Ellie a look while Abby is distracted that she is sorely out of practice in deciphering.
“Okay,” Ellie says slowly, taking Abby’s arm as she easily pulls her back in the direction of their room, “Jesse, give us a minute.”
When they re-enter their room, Ellie sets to work getting ready for the day. Ellie had slept in pretty much the same clothes as the day before so getting ready for patrol isn’t an intensive process, only really consisting in sniffing her shirt and deciding that it smelt passable and putting on her hoodie.
Abby recrosses her arms, leaning against the door watching her dress. “I don’t need a horse and he’s the one that said they were down people?”
“Trust me you’re going to need a horse.” Ellie huffs out a laugh as she absentmindedly throws on a jacket that happened to be on the bed and tugs on her boots. “The Horde usually follows the same migration pattern, but they can still be unpredictable. Not to mention that some routes are miles long. It took us nearly the whole morning to get from the mansion to the gate, remember? That is probably about the length of the shortest routes. Do you really want to walk the whole day? And that’s not to mention any infected you might run into on the way.”
“Okay fine I get it I need a fucking horse.” Abby huffs, pushing off the door to come stand right in front of her, “I could always just share your horse.”
“Do you really think that’s an option?” Ellie finally finishes tying her boots before looking up at Abby.
She stands there for a moment just looking down at her, “Not really.”
“What’s this really about?”
“It’s stupid,” She shakes her head, eyebrows pinching as her hand comes out to rub the soft leather of the jacket, “where did this come from?”
Ellie looks down at what she is wearing and for the first time registers that the jacket she carelessly threw on over her hoodie is the same jacket she stole from Joel’s closet. It’s the same jacket she has seen him wear countless times around town and on patrols before she left.
She doesn’t remember bringing the jacket with her when she finally left her studio. If she was being honest with herself she barely remembers taking it out to the garage in the first place, but she couldn’t just leave it in that closet.
She is saved from answering Abby’s question by a sharp knock on their door.
“Hey why is Jesse standing outside the house?” Manny’s head peaks into the room without either Abby or Ellie saying anything. As soon as he sees Abby standing inbetween Ellie’s legs, her hand still on the collar of Joel’s jacket, he gets that shit eating grin he always gets when he catches them in even the slightest compromising position.
“Nevermind, don’t mind me,” He says, grin still plastered on his face as he closes the door.
Whatever animosity Manny had for her yesterday seems to have already been forgotten in favor of his love of teasing her and relief floods her body. She hadn’t realized just how tense she had gotten after his little confrontation yesterday, but seeing Manny’s smile and wink at her like normal eased some of her worry.
Abby steps out from between Ellie’s legs just enough for her to stand, dropping the collar of Joel’s jacket in the process.
Ellie clears her throat as she stands, bringing them chest to chest, “I should probably head out now.”
She can feel Abby’s eyes looking down on her, but she can’t bring herself to look her in the eyes. After a moment, Abby steps to the side and Ellie is able to walk away from her.
“You know you can tell me anything right?” Abby’s words stop Ellie just short of the door.
Turning around to face her, Ellie says softly, “I know.”
“I woke up last night and you weren’t in bed.” Now it is Abby that seems to be having a hard time looking Ellie in the eye, her gaze shifting off to a space just to the right of Ellie’s head, “I’m only going to ask this once and whatever you tell me I’ll believe.”
A pit opens up in Ellie’s stomach as she tries to swallow.
This is it.
Abby will ask about Joel, Ellie just knows it and Ellie will have to lie. She hasn’t come up with a good lie yet. She can’t say she doesn’t know him, she already fucked that by admitting that she knows Tommy. Can she say she just knew him in passing? Would that even be believable? If everyone knows Tommy everyone should also know his brother right?
She isn’t ready for this conversation yet.
“Did you,” Abby says and Ellie’s can feel her heart rate speed up, “sneak out last night to see Dina?”
Relief floods Ellie’s body as every muscle that had locked up in preparation of Abby’s question instantly relaxes.
Ellie can’t help the laugh that escapes her lips, “No, I didn't sneak out to see Dina. I just needed to take a walk to clear my head. It’s a little much being back here again.”
Abby nods her head.
“Is that why you wanted to come on patrol with me?”
“I just don’t trust her,” Abby says.
“You don’t have to trust her, Abby,” Ellie walks back to her side and takes Abby hands in hers. Ellie’s gaze stays fixed on their connected hands until she says, “Trust me.”
At her words, Ellie finds herself staring into Abby’s cerulean eyes, so close that she can see the swirling pattern of her irises.
They are so close.
Abby’s head is bent down to hers, almost resting on Ellie’s forehead. It would be nothing to bridge the gap between them and Ellie wants that, more than anything. She tilts her head ever so slightly forward, but something about the action feels wrong.
Like some kind of betrayal.
A betrayal to Abby or Joel she doesn’t know, but either way she can’t seem to bring herself to move the few inches it would take to fully reassure Abby of where Ellie stands. Yet at the same time she can’t just walk away either.
She never could just simply walk away from her.
Ellie shifts her weight slightly back as Abby surges forward bridging the gap herself. Ellie gasps into the kiss when their lips meet. Abby takes advantage of Ellie’s momentary surprise to deepen the kiss as her hands come up to cradle Ellie’s neck as she finally allows herself to melt into Abby’s body like she has so many times before.
When Abby finally lets Ellie go she leans their foreheads together, “I do trust you.”
Ellie should feel reassured by Abby’s words, but all she feels is another stone as it drops into her stomach.
* * *
When they leave their room Ellie sees Jesse sitting on the couch with Owen and Manny surrounding him.
“Yeah, no this is terrible,” Ellie hears Jesse say as he passes the bottle back to Owen.
Owen takes a swig of the drink that Ellie knows is his homemade brew, “Come on, it’s not that bad.”
“Guys, it’s 7 in the fucking morning. What are you doing?” Abby says when she sees them.
At Abby’s voice, Jesse stands abruptly. Beans who had been sitting next to him trots over to Ellie and Abby.
“Jesse was just telling us where the sign up boards are,” Manny says leaning back in his seat. “Thought we should make ourselves useful since we’re here.”
Something in the look Manny gives Abby unsettles Ellie, but there isn’t much she can really do about it at this point. All she can hope is that Tommy has spread the word to enough people not to mention her connection to Joel. She isn’t sure how many people are here that really knew her before she left anyways. She hadn’t really been the most social person when they got here four years ago. Only really starting to branch out a few months before she left.
Ellie shakes herself out of her thoughts, “Come on Jesse. We’re already late.”
“And who’s fault is that?”
Ellie rolls her eyes as she walks to the door.
“Where are you two going?” Owen asks.
“Patrolling,” Ellie says, sparing him a look, but he is not looking at her.
Following his gaze to Abby, she sees her looking down at Beans who Ellie hadn’t noticed was following her to the door.
Ellie bends down to rub Beans’s head, “Stay here with momma okay. Look after her.”
She pats Beans once on the back sending her over to Abby’s side with a small smile. When Ellie stands and faces the rest of the room Owen and Manny are pretending to be interested in their cups, but they can’t hide their grins.
When she turns to Jesse he has one eyebrow raised and a stupid look on his face.
“Shut up dickhead,” Ellie says, stepping out of the house and down the three little steps. “We’re late. Let's not make it worse. Tommy still running patrols?”
“Nope,” Jesse says, puffing out his chest in the goofy way he used to do when they were kids and someone told him he did a good job. “I am.”
“Oh look at you. All grown up and shit.”
Jesse nods as they both start walking to the stables, falling into a comfortable silence as they go.
It’s a weird feeling being back here, made even weirder knowing that Joel isn’t here. She still sees him in every corner of the settlement though. In every small wooden nick-nack that rests in the windowsills they pass. In every doorway or fence Ellie knows he helped repair. Even in every smelt that fills the air.
She knows he’s not dead. He can’t be. He’s far too much of a stubborn asshole to simply die. Or at least that is what she has to tell herself as they pass the Tipsy Bison.
“So,” Jesse says, finally breaking the silence as they come up on the stables, “You and that girl hum?”
Ellie rolls her eyes, “Yeah.”
“How long has that been going on for?”
“Geez like six months now I think,” Ellie smiles quickly at the ground before looking back at him, “Depending on who you ask.”
Jesse looks at her with a small half smile on his face.
“What?”
He shakes his head and clears his throat as he moves farther into the stable passing stall after stall.
“Now I wasn’t going to ask, but I assume Shimmer didn’t make it?” Jesse asks, disappearing behind a stall, “But you remember Star right?”
Jesse reappears leading a horse out of the stall with the same look and build as Shimmer. The horses had always been fairly similar looking that Star and Shimmer often got mistaken for each other though Star is a shade darker in Ellie’s opinion.
“Of course I remember Star. How could I forget the first horse I fell off of?”
Jesse rubs the back of his neck looking a bit bashful. “Oh yeah. I forgot about that.”
“What did Jesse forget about?” Dina calls from the entrance of the stable as she comes in.
“That time I fell on my ass off the back of Star,” Ellie answers. “Now he wants me to ride her.”
“Don’t tell me you're afraid now,” Dina says hands on her hips, “You're the girl who ran away and survived. What could you possibly be afraid of?”
“Getting bucked off a horse and dying?”
“That would be poetic wouldn’t it?” Jesse mutters.
Ellie and Dina share a look before they both quickly bend down, collecting the little mountains of hay mixed snow into their hands and each throw a fist full at him before he can really register what they are doing.
“Hey, guys!” Jesse yells, though he laughs as he too starts chucking handfuls of hay filled snow at the two girls who have run out of the stable.
Children, up early for school, join in on the fun and the game quickly turns from two against Jesse to the older kids against the younger and Ellie can almost see what her life could have been like if she had stayed in Jackson with them. Snowball fights in the snow, teaming up against the school kids, and not a worry at all except who she was getting paired up with for patrol.
It had taken her a long time to warm up to Jesse. After what had happened to Riley and then Sam, Ellie wasn’t too keen on letting another person into her life to fill that friend spot. But once she finally did there was no going back and with Jesse’s friendship came Dina’s. They had always seemed like a packaged deal to Ellie when she was younger. It made her self conscious when they first started to hang out, like she was some sort of charity case. It certainly felt that way when Joel was inviting anyone with a kid around her age over for 'drinks' and 'conversation'.
Ellie is distracted while lining up a shot against one of the older school children when a snowball hits her square in the neck. Whipping around to the culprit she sees Dina ducking down quickly behind the slide in the playground their fight took them to.
“Oh no you don’t,” Ellie mutters to herself as she quickly switches gears to attack Dina with snow instead, the rest of the kids and Jesse all but forgotten.
Dina squeals when Ellie grabs her around her waist and lifts her off her feet only to lose her balance and fall when Dina tries to get out of her grasp. Ellie can feel the warm huff of air leaving Dina’s mouth on her neck as she lays there trying to catch her breath under the weight of Dina’s body. A throat clearing from somewhere nearby startles them both and Dina finally lifts herself up off of Ellie to face Jesse.
“We should probably get heading out soon. The others are all ready now,” He says a little out of breath with a small fond smile on his face as he helps Ellie stand again.
Ellie narrows her eyes at him, “What?”
“Nothing,” he shrugs, "Just... happy."
Ellie rolls her eyes and lightly punches him shoulder, “You're such a sap.”
For as many things that have changed in Jackson during the time she has been gone, how they do patrols isn’t one of them. Jesse still does the same little speech Tommy used to do before splitting everyone up into their teams.
“You remember the Creek Trail?” Dina asks, coming up beside Ellie on her horse, Japan. Ellie checks her rifle from her seat on top of Star before looking over to her.
“I actually don’t think I've ever gone on that trail before.”
“Jesse!” Dina yells, “Ellie and I will take the Creek Trail.”
He nods a little distractedly as he looks over a map with a younger patroller, “Just—-“
“Don’t be a hero,” Dina and Jesse say in unison.
“Yeah, yeah,” Dina says, rolling her eyes, “Come on, Ellie.”
Ellie nods, following Dina out of the gate.
She isn’t sure what makes her turn around to view the early morning activities of Jackson. Maybe it was just the overwhelming sense of deja vu in going out on patrol. Maybe it was some kind of nostalgic push that made her turn around. Maybe she just hoped that Joel would be standing there on the corner to see her off just like he used to do when she would patrol without him. But when Ellie turns Joel isn’t there, instead Abby is standing on the corner staring directly at Ellie with an expression she can’t quite place.
Ellie lifts her hand as the gate closes.
“Come on,” Dina calls from a yard in front of Ellie, pulling her attention away from the closed gate and Abby behind it.
* * *
“Should we check out any of these houses?” Ellie asks as they pass an unfamiliar cluster of buildings.
Ellie had been following Dina on the trail for around twenty minutes and they haven’t seen or heard anything since leaving Jackson.
“We can if you want to.” Dina shrugs, “There shouldn't be any infected, but it never hurts to double check, especially this time of year.”
Ellie dismounts heading cautiously into the first house with Dina right behind her.
As Dina expected there aren’t any infected.
“Hey,” Dina says, as they are searching through a bedroom on the second floor of one of the homes, “Do you still collect those little cards from your comic?”
“For Savage Starlight? Yeah why?”
Ellie turns around to see her holding up a card between her fingers, “Because I just found one.”
“Oh sweet!” Ellie says as Dina hands it over for her to read. “I don’t have this one yet.”
“Glad I could help.” Dina says.
When Ellie looks up at her something passes quickly across Dina’s face that is gone before she can read it.
“Come on, we still have a ways to go yet.” Dina says, leading the way as they both leave the house and remount their horses.
“So…” Dina says after a few minutes of riding. “You want to tell me where you’ve been?”
Dina’s horse is a little ahead of Ellie’s so she has to turn her head a bit to look behind her.
“Um, well—“
She’s interrupted by a horrible screeching sound coming from behind a truck.
Dina stops her horse, turning to look where the sound came from, “What the fuck was that?”
Ellie is already off her horse, gun in hand before the words are even fully out of her mouth. “We should check it out.”
She doesn’t give Dina a chance to object as she is already crawling under the truck.
From under the truck she can’t see what made that sound. What she can see is a trail of bloody hoofprints in the snow leading into a store. Ellie hears when Dina crawls up next to her, looking out to evaluate the scene with her.
“That must be where whatever made that sound came from.. Or rather went.” Ellie whispers, turning to look at Dina, her face so close that Ellie almost head bunts her.
Dina nods, moving slightly away to take out her own pistol, “Are there any infected?”
Ellie shakes her head, eyes refocusing on the trail of blood in the snow. “They could have followed whatever made that sound in though.”
“You are wanting to check it out aren’t you.”
Ellie throws a grin over her shoulder as she crawls out from under the truck, keeping low just in case there are any runners that might see her. Dina follows her silently with a shake of her head.
They enter the store cautiously one right after the other following the trail of blood to the back of the store. Ellie isn’t sure what she really expected to see, but somehow a moose laying on the ground with half it’s intestine hanging out of it’s stomach was not one of them.
“God,” Dina says, hand shooting up to cover her mouth, “Is it…still alive?”
Ellie looks back at the moose and sure enough there is a slow but steady rise and fall to it’s chest.
“Yeah, I think so,” Ellie says slowly, moving closer to it.
It could have been her imagination, but Ellie swears the moose's eyes follow her.
“What are you doing?” Dina whisper-yells, like her voice might startle the creature.
“I can’t just leave him like this.” Ellie checks her pistol one more time, making sure that she has enough bullets to spare fo this.
Ellie stops, turning to face Dina. “You can wait outside if you want.”
Dina shakes her head.
Raising the gun, Ellie swears that the moose closes it’s eyes and turns away so that she might have a cleaner shot.
Bang.
There is no longer any rise and fall of the animal's chest.
Ellie turns to look at Dina again, but her eyes still locked on the moose.
“Come on," Ellie says, leading Dina away from the scene. "Let's hope that we don’t run into whatever infected did this to him.”
At Ellie’s words Dina nods, finally tears her gaze away from the now dead animal and they both leave to remount their horses and carry on.
It doesn’t take them long after that to make it to the watchtower, either wanting to stop and explore after that. When they get there though they are not alone.
A familiar horse is there to greet them.
“Jesse’s here?” Ellie asks.
Dina nods as she dismounts, “But do you want to see something spectacular before we go up?”
Ellie doesn’t even look up from tying Star’s reins, “You're going to point at your face aren’t you?”
Dina lets out a soft laugh, “Nothing is that spectacular.”
When Ellie finally looks up it is to Dina’s smirk as she turns to walk to the back of the building. Curious Ellie follows her to a small opening in the wall leading out to a balcony overlooking the valley.
“What do you think of this view huh?” Dina says leaning against the railing not looking at Ellie as she comes to stand next to her.
“It’s pretty nice.”
And it is.
Before Ellie left she hadn’t really been given the chance to see more than whatever Joel wanted her to see. He always insisted on her going on patrol with him or Tommy if she was going at all. He would barely let her go on the teen group patrols.
“Yeah,” Dina moves slightly in Ellie’s peripheral vision and she can tell that Dina is no longer taking in the view of the valley, “This route has its perks.”
If Ellie didn’t know better she would almost think that Dina was flirting with her. Still the pause she takes after Dina says that edges closer to awkward then some light hearted teasing among old friends.
Before the silence can dive head first into total embarrassment, Ellie pushes back from the railing and asks, “Where do we sign in?”
She can almost hear the disappointment in Dina’s voice when she nods her head to the front room and says, “Come on.”
Following close behind, Dina shows her the hidden way into the watchtower and Jesse is there to greet them sitting on the old couch.
“What took you guys so long?” Jesse asks.
“Ellie had to stop and make sure the houses were clear on our way here.” Dina answers.
“And you let her?’
“Okay guys stop ganging up on me. We aren’t 16 anymore. And we did find something,” Ellie says, taking a look around the base. “We still sign in right?”
Jesse nods pointing over to a closed book by the window as Dina fills him in on the Moose they found.
Ellie opens the sign in book, flipping through the pages to find the most recent entry. Her breath hitches slightly when she sees the familiar handwriting and jokes back and forth between Tommy and Joel. The entries from Joel are sporadic at best, but Tommy’s name comes up about once a week or so. His signature feels empty when he doesn’t add a joke or a comment directed at Joel. The last entry with Joel’s name on it was from around nine months ago.
Jesse must have known what she would find in the book. Ellie knows that he and Dina are both observing her reactions carefully, so she tries to act natural as she signs in for them.
“This route is always pretty slow. Uneventful really,” Jesse says, “I think that’s why Eugene always liked being stationed here.”
“Man, I still can’t believe he’s gone,” Ellie says, putting her bag down as she joins Jesse on the couch.
Dina follows her lead sitting on the chair to her right.
“Yeah, gone,” Dina says, pulling out a baggie with a few joints in it from her jacket pocket, “But never forgotten.”
“Dina!” Jesse scolds, “I should confiscate that from you.”
“Oh don’t pretend like I don’t know what happens to all the joints you ‘ confiscate’ from the teens. ” Dina laughs, eyes fixed on Ellie like it is some kind of challenge as she places the joint in her mouth and flicks her lighter on.
Dina’s eyes break away from Ellie’s as she lights the joint and takes a drag before offering it to Ellie.
“You did say this route is pretty quiet.” Ellie raises an eyebrow at him as she takes the joint from Dina’s hands, their fingers touching briefly. "and it's not like we actually ran into any infected to be worried about on our way here."
Ellie inhales letting the smoke calm her, before she passes it to Jesse. “Come on, don't pretend like you don’t want to.”
“Fine,” Jesse says, taking it from Ellie’s fingers, “But if you say anything to Tommy I’ll kill you myself.”
Ellie laughs, making a zipper lip motion with her hands to her mouth.
The three of them pass the joint around just like old times and Ellie can feel herself relaxing further into the couch as they all just genuinely catch up. Ellie tells them where she has been this whole time. Well not exactly, but she does say that when she left she traveled north where she met a group that took her in and they in turn tell her about all the small insignificant things that she missed while she was gone.
It registers too late in Ellie’s mind that she probably should not be taking a hit each time she has the joint in hand, especially when she is sitting between the two and they each insist on using her to pass it to each other. But she had been far too keyed up to realize just how high she was getting compared to her companions.
That is until around the fourth or fifth pass when Dina barely takes a puff before passing it back to her and finally asks a question Ellie has been dredging, “So are you going to tell us what’s really going on now?”
“What do you mean?” Ellie asks, trying hard not to visibly tense up as she takes another hit to avoid the question.
“Come on Ellie,” Dina says, sitting forward in her chair. “I get that you must have been pretty mad at Joel about something to stay away for as long as you did, but… you’re back now right?”
Ellie looks between her and Jesse. She knows what they both want her to say, but she can’t give them the answers they want, “I’m here for however long they are, but I can’t stay.”
Ellie tries to ignore the disappointed look on Dina’s face as she sits back in her chair.
They fall into a tense silence continuing to pass around the joint.
“I blamed myself, you know.” Jesse whispers, breaking the quiet. “Joel asked where you were. If I had just looked around more for you that day, hell if I had looked for you at all he could have caught up with you.”
“Jesse. Man it’s not your fau——“
“It is!” He says, “You must think I’m an idiot. You think I didn’t notice you hoarding supplies? I should have just said something to someone.”
“It wouldn’t have changed anything,” Ellie says, eyes focused on the messy coffee table. “I would have found a way to leave even if you had confronted me.”
“Maybe… Maybe not, but then you and Joel could have at least talked and maybe then he wouldn’t have changed so much.”
Ellie’s eyes lift from the table. Jesse’s expression is hard as he meets her gaze.
“You all didn’t know him before we came here,” Ellie mutters, “However he might have changed to you, is just how he’s always been.”
Jesse stands abruptly, throwing a quick, “I need some air,” over his shoulder as he leaves.
Ellie lets the silence hang in the air. She doesn’t think she has ever seen him mad before, but this would be the closest thing to it if she had to guess.
After a moment Dina takes Jesse’s seat on the couch.
"Jesse always did get a bit emotional when he's high," Ellie say, trying to sweep the conversation under the rug. "Nice to see that hasn't changed."
“I know you want to talk to him,” Dina says, taking the joint gently from Ellie’s hands and placing it on the ashtray at the center of the table. “I can see it in your eyes every time someone mentions Joel's name. And your wearing his jacket so don’t try to play it off. He changed a lot after you left. He withdrew from almost everyone but his brother. When he does come back he loads up on alcohol until he sets out again for who knows how long.”
“He’s done a lot of bad things in his live. He’s made a lot of enemies and I can’t sit here and tell you he doesn’t deserve to be a little haunted by it all.” Ellie can’t bring herself to look at Dina, but she feels the couch sink as Dina moves in closer. “Trust me, he is safer the farther away from me he is.”
“Are you in some kind of trouble?”
“It’s not,” Ellie takes a deep breath finally looking towards Dina. Her words die in her throat when she sees Dina so much closer than she thought she was on the couch.
Dina has always been beautiful. Her dark eyes like the warmest pools of earth teeming with life in them. Ellie always admired her confidence and self-assuredness when they were kids. She always seemed to know exactly what she wanted and was never afraid to go for it.
Before Ellie can truly register what is happening Dina moves closer still. Their lips connect in the briefest of touches. In another life, Ellie probably would feel elated that Dina is kissing her, but now all she does is stand up quickly, breaking the contact almost as soon as it started.
“Dina! What the fuck!”
“What?” She says looking up at Ellie confused.
“What do you mean, what? You're dating Jesse that’s what. And I’m—-“
“I’m not dating Jesse.” Dina interrupts.
Ellie shakes her head, “That’s not even the main point. I’m with Abby.”
“Oh,” Dina’s eyes widen slightly in understanding and she has the decency to look a little embarrassed by her actions.
“Yeah. Oh.”
Ellie’s head is spinning from standing too fast so she sits in the chair that Dina vacated. She can still feel Dina’s eyes on her as she moves.
“Do you love her?” Dina asks after a moment of silence.
“Yeah,” Ellie answers, “I do.”
“But you don’t want her to know about Joel?”
Ellie nods ever so slightly, not trusting herself to say the words.
“Can you really be in love with someone when you have to hide such a huge part of your life? Hide Joel? And Joel is a huge part of your life whether you want to admit that or not."
Ellie looks Dina in her eyes when she says, “Yes, I can.”
Dina looks her up and down slightly as she sits back, “Can she?”
Ellie doesn’t know what to say so she says nothing as silence fills the room again until they hear Jesse start to climb the rope to the tower.
“Damn,” Dina sighs, breaking the silence with a laugh, “I was too stupid two years ago and it looks like I’m still too stupid now.”
Ellie smiles softly at her, holding out a hand, “Still friends?”
Dina slaps her hand away bringing her in for a hug. The hug is awkward, both of them still sitting down bending over their knees to complete the embrace.
“Still friends,” Dina whispers into the crook of Ellie’s neck.
Notes:
Thank you so much for reading and sticking around for my slightly infrequent updates. (Every other week isn't too bad I hope.)
Don't worry about Dina too much. I just wanted to pay a little bit of homage to their relationship in the game and have Ellie acknowledge thoughts of what her life could have been like if she had stayed.
Originally this chapter was supposed to have Abby's POV too, but this part got too long and I ended up slitting up the chapters.
Preview to next chapter:
Abby starts poking around for Joel.
Chapter 31: Chapter 31
Summary:
Abby is left with many questions while Ellie is on patrol.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Abby watches as Ellie shoves Jesse playfully out of the house and down the small stairs. The last thing she hears of the pair is Ellie asking if Tommy still runs the patrols before the front door closes.
Something about the ease and familiarity between the two of them makes something twist in the pit of Abby’s stomach as she watches them laugh through the window. She probably would have continued to follow them with her eyes until they disappeared down the street if it were not for Beans. The pressure of the dog's whole body against her leg is enough to almost topple her over, but it is also enough to distract Abby from putting a name to the growing feeling in her stomach.
“Come on girl,” She says, walking back to the living room.
Owen now sits on the chair in front of the couch. The same chair Ellie sat on yesterday when Manny decided to interrogate her.
As Abby fully enters the space she sees Manny’s back as he walks into the kitchen. Why he bothers, Abby isn’t sure. The likelihood of there being anything there for them is slim to none, unless someone dropped things off after Abby and Ellie left for dinner last night.
Owen looks at her expectantly, when Manny is fully out of the room and safely down the hall, “So what’s the plan here Abs?”
Abby shrugs, plopping down onto the couch, “I don’t know, try and get as much information as we can. Someone must know where Joel is.”
Owen lets the silence hang in the air for a moment. When Abby refuses to look at him, he finally breaks the quiet. “Do you think Tommy wouldn't tell Ellie? Or do you think Ellie wouldn’t tell us even if he did?”
Abby’s head whips up to glare at him. “Ellie would tell me if she knew.”
“Hey.” Owen raises his hands in surrender. “I’m not trying to pick a fight. All I’m saying is that I don’t think just anyone would get invited to a dinner at Tommy Miller's house that’s all.”
Abby looks down at Beans curls up by her feet in front of the couch, debating.
It isn’t really her story to tell, but then again would Ellie ever actually tell them on her own? The bits of information Abby was able to pry out of Ellie and piece together herself isn’t much when she thinks about it, but it’s the only thing that makes sense and the only thing that can come close to explaining everything going on with Ellie to Owen.
“Ellie and Tommy were close when she was here,” Abby says, already feeling guilty for saying that much, “I don’t know the specifics of when or for how long, but when she left here it was on some pretty bad terms with him. That’s all I really know about it.”
Owen quietly stares at her for a moment and Abby can tell he is trying to figure out how to word whatever it is he’s able to say. “Did she say anything about knowing Joel when you told her what he did?”
Abby shakes her head, silence hangs between them again as that twisting feeling comes back.
“Hey I found coffee tucked under a fucking floor board.” Manny breaks the moment as he comes back into the living room with a bag in his hand. “There’s also a grinder in here too.”
Owen looks at Manny then back again.
“I think Mel said something about seeing some filters somewhere,” Owen says as Manny disappears once again down the hall.
Abby can feel Owen’s gaze on her for a long moment before he sighs and stands from the chair, making a move to follow Manny down the hall.
“I um,” Abby says, stopping Owen before he fully leaves the room. “I think I’m just going to go scope out what jobs look good for the day. I’ll grab something at that Dining Hall we were at yesterday.”
Abby can tell Owen wants to say something, but he hasn’t figured out how to say it yet. So he settles on, “The sign up board is near there.”
Abby absentmindedly nods as she stands up from the couch, disturbing Beans in the process, but the dog doesn’t seem to mind the nap interruption when she realizes that they are going outside. Abby doesn’t bother to look behind her as she leaves with Beans in tow.
She doesn’t need to see the look in Owen’s eyes. She doesn’t need to see the pity or mistrust there.
That feeling rises up again in her as Owen’s question circulates in her head.
Abby wants desperately to believe that Ellie would not hesitate to tell her if she knew anything about Joel or his whereabouts, but at the same time Abby just can’t shake the feeling that Ellie is intentionally hiding things from her.
If not about Joel then it has to be something else. Could whatever she is hiding be connected to the reason why she left?
Honestly, the more Abby thinks about what she thought she knew of Ellie and her childhood the more she realizes how little she actually does know.
Abby knows that Ellie must have arrived in Jackson sometime before her sixteenth birthday and somehow must have grown close to Tommy in that time, but not much else. It had never bothered her before or maybe she just didn’t realize how often Ellie would redirect their conversations when they drifted to their childhoods. Abby had just chalked it up to not wanting to relive bad memories, something she herself had also done and could understand. But even after two years of knowing each other and months of dating, Ellie still remains a fairly closed book.
The only thing that makes sense in Abby’s head is that Tommy must have traveled with Ellie from Boston, but Tommy was a Firefly. So did he travel back to Boston at some point and meet Ellie there? Or did he travel straight here to Jackson and they met sometime after she arrived?
Abby should have just asked Ellie for a fucking timeline this morning, but no she had to go and get jealous when Jesse said she couldn’t come on patrol with them. It’s stupid with everything else happening, but Abby just can’t shake the feeling that she is losing Ellie to this place.
First when she insisted on going up to the gate by herself and then with person after person greeting her and whisking her away. Logically, Abby understands why it was necessary and she trusts that whatever Ellie told them kept their group alive, but something about the familiarity everyone here seems to have with Ellie, unnerves Abby.
Shaking her head, Abby finally looks up only to realize that she has absolutely no idea where she is in the town. She hadn’t really been paying that much attention to landmarks when she first came through and even less when they came back from dinner at Tommy’s. Too absorbed with the picture of her and her mother to notice the town around them.
That thought just brings more questions to mind when Abby remembers what Ellie said last night on the steps of the house.
If family means everything to Tommy then why isn’t he out there with Joel now? Does family mean nothing to Joel? And on that note where is this immune girl he killed for?
Abby shakes her head again, trying to dislodge the thoughts. She should really just ask Ellie, but Manny’s words also circulate her head from the night before. For as much as Abby wants to say she trusts Ellie, there is a small part of her that wonders why she didn’t say anything sooner—-not to the group at large, Manny can fuck himself for accusing Ellie—but she could have said something to Abby at the very least.
A small part of Abby wonders if Ellie just doesn’t trust her enough to talk about her time here and that stings more than she would like to admit. With a sigh, Abby picks a direction and starts to walk, hoping that she will be able to find her way on her own.
It’s not that Jackson is all that difficult to navigate, but Abby still feels turned around and a little uncomfortable with all the children running and the people already gathering in small groups on the streets. She doesn’t have to actually hear them to know that they are talking about her and her friends. Everytime she ventures too close to a group one person would hit the one next to them and the group would stop talking to look at her until she passes them.
Well, at least she knows where she stands with them. Abby thinks.
Eventually, she finds landmarks that are somewhat familiar until she finally sees the sign for the Tipsy Bison and a thicker crowd of people milling around. The closer she gets the more she can see that this place seems to be the heart of the city. It’s where the children come to play before school starts, people post fliers for help or trade, and most importantly where the food and drinks are.
For as much as the WLF try to create this level of normalcy in the Stadium, Abby doesn’t think she has ever seen the kids in Seattle look this carefree as they play. At least not with the Scars being so close that is.
Abby’s eyes scan the crowd, stopping when she sees that there is a stable near the gate probably for the patrols, and wonders if Ellie and Jesse have already left. If not, would Ellie even want Abby to go see her off?
Ellie definitely didn’t want her coming on patrol with them and something about the ‘not enough horses’ excuse just didn’t sit right with Abby.
Among other things.
Abby can’t think about it anymore as she tears her gaze away from the stable and back to the kids having a snowball fight. She can’t really see the whole playground, but it was nice seeing them be so carefree and happy.
Abby was just about to turn and walk right into the Bison, when she catches a glimpse of a familiar auburn head running up behind someone and giving them a bear hug before promptly falling over. It takes a second for Abby to realize that yes that was in fact Ellie and more importantly the person currently on top of Ellie is none other than Dina, looking a little too comfortable on top of her for Abby’s liking.
Abby’s hand clinches at her side, waiting for Ellie to push Dina off of her, but she never does. Abby takes one step closer to the playground when Jesse comes out of nowhere to break them up. As he helps Ellie stand up Dina finally gets off of her, not looking the least bit embarrassed.
Abby tries to relax as she sees Ellie walking with Jesse back to the stable, Dina not far behind them. She knows logically that she could easily go over there and give Ellie a proper send off. Not to stake her claim or anything, but if Dina happens to see her giving Ellie a goodbye kiss and stops being so God-dawn handsy then Abby would not complain.
And she would have too if she didn’t hear the people in front of her so clearly.
“Who’s that?” a woman about her age asks her companion, another woman maybe a few years older than the one speaking. “That girl with Jesse and Dina?”
“Who? Miller’s girl?” the older woman says. “I think her name’s Ally or Millie or something like that.”
Abby can’t help the small snort she makes at the older woman's expense. She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop on their conversation, but they weren’t exactly quiet either and Abby hates to admit it, but she is a little curious as to what these people will say about Ellie. So she tries to act like she is suddenly engrossed in reading the bulletin board as she strains her ear to hear their conversation.
“Do you know her?” the girl asks.
“No she was already gone by the time I got here, but I heard Tommy and Joel talking about her one day when I was helping them with the repairs to some of the houses on Berry Street. They were arguing about something or another I don’t remember, but Joel must have lost the argument because he stormed off the worksight. Then I asked around, no one could tell me anything except that it had something to do with…” the woman snaps her fingers, “Ellie was her name. Anyways it had something to do with her or her disappearance. The whole job was super awkward after that.”
“Oh well that was kind of shitty of Joel to just leave all the work to you guys.”
“Nah, he came back after Tommy and most of them left and finish the job by himself. He’s a really good guy… When he’s, you know, here.”
The couple's voices get quiet as they walk away. Abby's head finally moves from fake reading the same notice over again, something about trading winter jackets for homemade bread or something like that.
Why would Tommy and Joel be arguing over Ellie?
Did Ellie know Joel or just know of him?
A bolt of fear and anger at the thought of Ellie being in any kind of proximity to Joel shoots through Abby's body.
For some reason, even knowing that Ellie has some sort of relationship with Tommy, the realization that she could actually have known Joel or even talked to him, did not hit Abby until this very moment.
With that thought hanging over her head, Abby looks up to see Ellie riding to the gate on top of a horse that looks strikingly similar to the one she lost while out on her solo scouting mission all those months ago.
Abby is too far away to hear what is being said, but judging by the smile that spreads across Dina’s face as she looks back at Ellie, Abby can guess that they have been paired up together for patrol.
Just as the gate is about to close Ellie pauses and turns around on her seat. Abby can see the moment Ellie’s gaze finds her in the crowd. For a second she just stares at Abby in surprise before her hand hesitantly goes up into a small wave.
Abby isn’t sure what she must look like to Ellie as she stands there in the corner, her mind too far away and her hand too slow to wave back as the gate closes.
For as much as the sight of Ellie and Dina going through the gate together erks Abby to her core, she can’t help but feel a little grateful that Ellie will be gone for the day. As she walks into the Bison, Abby’s mind is already turning over different excuses to talk to Tommy without the awkwardness of a first meeting or Ellie there to redirect the conversaton.
Maybe then she can get at least some of her questions answered.
* * *
“Hey,” a voice calls from behind her, “Just the girl I was looking for.”
When she turns around Tommy is walking up to her table and taking a seat without asking. He puts a tan utility belt with a hammer hanging from a strap on the table in front of her as he slides into the booth with a plate of food for himself. Abby can see that he wears an identical one around his hips.
“I don’t know if you had anything planned with Ellie today, but we’re making repairs on the old South Gate and we could use a strong hand.”
Abby wipes her mouth as she just stares at him, not quite believing her luck. She thought she would have to spend the morning tracking him down, but here he is having found her instead and more than that he is here asking for her help?
Abby eyes the belt on the table like it is some kind of snake instead of a harmless piece of clothing. ”Oh I’ve never really built anything before.”
“It’s okay. Most of the guys also don’t know what they are doing. That’s why I’m the one in charge. What do you say?”
“Maria let you be in charge of something?” Abby attempts at a joke, not really knowing how it will land with the man.
Tommy gives her a look that she can’t quite decipher before a smile graces his lips. “Well the only other person with a background in construction here is Joel and well he’s not here right now. So that just leaves little old me to do the job. So she can take what she can get.”
Abby's ears perk up at the mention of Joel, thinking that she would have to do her fair share of sleuthing, but it appears she just needs to let the man talk. What would Tommy think of his brother if he knew he was responsible for the death of his friends?
Abby shrugs trying to not show her anger at the thought and act casual. ”Ellie’s on patrol anyways.”
Tommy shakes his head as he digs into his breakfast.
“What are we going to do with that girl? She’s got a restless soul that one. So much like my brother.” He mutters the last part like he didn’t mean for her to hear before quickly continuing. “Who she go out with?”
“Oh um, Jesse and um…Dina.”
Tommy laughs, “You know I had a bet going on about Ellie and Jesse getting together. Guess that was always doomed to fail, right.”
Tommy stops shoveling food into his mouth and turns to her, “Do we need to do the shovel talk? To be honest I never actually thought I would have to worry about it having Ethan and all. And to be honest Joel was the one who practically raised me and he had a kid before even graduating high school so I don’t think he was really the best role model for this kind of talk. Though I guess we don’t really have to worry about an unexpected pregnancy with you two right?”
At this point Tommy is practically talking to himself as he eats. God having the relationship talk with your kinda father-in-law and the brother of the man you want to kill is a trip in a half and not something Abby ever thought she would have to do in her lifetime.
“Joel would probably just threaten your life if you ever hurt her, but don’t let him bully you. He’s all bark and no bite. Besides that’s not really my style. So you won’t have to worry about that until he gets back.”
All bark and no bite, my ass. Abby thinks as she tries to nod and smile at all the right parts as he goes on.
Except Tommy’s body tenses slightly like he might have said something he shouldn’t have before he coughs and wipes his mouth with a small handkerchief. “Anyways, enough with the boring stuff. Ellie didn’t say where you all were from or really what you're doing here at all.”
Abby can feel the edge of tension in the air at his seemingly innocent question, no longer is Tommy just shooting the shit with her.
She sits back in her chair, her food half eaten on her plate, “It’s a little north of here. Nothing special and we’re really just passing through.”
Tommy nods. “How long do you plan on staying?”
Abby shrugs her shoulders, “I’m not too sure yet. It could depend on a lot of things.”
“But you could stay a few weeks though, right?”
“I don’t think we can really stay that long. We have to get back to the---”
“Washington Liberation Front?” Tommy finishes for her with a wave of his fork at her jacket sleeve.
Abby tenses. She hadn’t realized that she was wearing the jacket with the WLF patch on it, but it was too late now. “Yeah.”
“Washington is a bit further than a little north of here,” Tommy says, eyes never leaving hers as he lifts a fork to his mouth, like it’s some sort of test that she isn’t sure she can pass.
“I guess you’re right.”
“You done with that?” Tommy points to her forgotten plate. Abby nods her head as he picks it up, taking both their plates over to the trash.
When he comes back a friendly smile graces his lips. “Come on. We’re already a little late to the site as is.”
Tommy pushes the construction belt into her hands as she gets up and Abby hesitantly takes it, still trying to figure out where she stands with the man.
”If you still want to, that is.” Tommy says, heading to the door of the Bison. Just before pushing the door open he stops and turns back to her.
“I do,” Abby says. He gives her a small nod as he pushes open the door to the Tipsy Bison and steps out.
Beans stands up from her place by the steps and Tommy bends down to give her a good scratch behind the ears, Beans licks at his fingers and wrist searching for any remaining food there.
“She hungry?” Tommy asks.
Abby shakes her head even though he is still preoccupied with the dog, “I fed her before feeding myself.”
Tommy lets out a small laugh as he nods and continues on to the work site, but before they can get too far Tommy turns around and says, “If you can’t stay here for too long at least tell me you can stay for the party.”
“Yeah,” Abby nods, “I think we just might.”
“Good,” Tommy whispers, “good.”
* * *
Abby and Tommy work side-by-side patching up the South Gate with a small group as Beans rests nearby. She had been a little worried that Beans being here would cause a problem, but it seems like as long as she stays out of the way everyone was fine with her being here. Some even snuck her little bits of their food when lunch time came around.
Throughout the day Abby catches glimpses of Owen and Manny walking around. She even thinks she saw Nora and Mel go into a building that Tommy informed her is their makeshift hospital. She hasn’t seen where Leah, Nick, or Jordan went off to but she is sure they are making themselves useful to their hosts in some way.
And in the down time, Abby is able to get Tommy talking about his life with surprisingly little prodding from her. He jumps from telling her small stories of his childhood with Joel from before the outbreak to tales that could have happened just last week then back to his childhood again. The worst part is that Abby can hear the love he has for his brother in his voice as he tells her a funny story about Sarah kicking a soccer ball at his brother's crouch the first time he tried to help her practice. Even Abby can’t help the snort that comes out of her at the mental image he paints.
But Tommy seems more hesitant to talk about what happened to them both right after Sarah died, always steering the conversation back to what life was like before the outbreak anytime it veers too close to present times. It is not nearly enough information to piece together the kind of timeline she craves to know. What truly unnerves her though is the lack of Ellie in all of his stories.
“So wait, when did you join the Fireflies?” Abby asks towards the end of the work day.
“Shit, I don’t fucking know,” Tommy says packing up his things as he absentmindedly waves goodbye to the others as they leave. “A long ass time ago. Another life.”
“And you never went back to Boston? Between leaving the Fireflies and finding this place?”
“To be honest. There wasn’t a whole lot to go back to.” Tommy is quiet for a moment, hands busy coiling a cord to a power tool. “Joel and I… didn’t always see eye to eye. I tried to convince him to join up with me. With the Fireflies that is, but by the time I left we weren’t really on speaking terms. We said some pretty hurtful things to each other. Just sibling shit really, but it was enough that I never thought I would see him again. Or rather that he would never want to see me again. So after leaving the Fireflies I stuck to wandering around on the midwest with Eugene before finding this place and settling down. For a long time I tried not to think too much about what could have happened to him. Until he showed up at our gate one day. And then well… sibling shit. Water under the bridge.”
Tommy shrugs as he shoulders a bag full of the old rotted out wood they had replaced.
“So he never wanted to be a Firefly?” Abby quickly goes over to help him, grabbing the other bag there. Her mind, trying desperately to fit this new information into what she thought she knew about the man before her.
“Joel?” Tommy shakes his head as he dumps his bag into the bin where the wood will be made into fertilizer. “Nah, he never really bought into the whole ‘look for the light thing’. Always said it was a bunch of bullshit.”
“He didn’t think a cure could be made? That things could go back to normal?”
Tommy stops to look at her, “I think he was more focused on surviving in the world as it is now. What good is a cure if the ones you love most can’t be there with you to enjoy it?”
* * *
Tommy’s words stick with Abby all the way back to the Baltimore's.
She had created a rough timeline in her head that confused her more than it cleared anything up. For as grateful as she was that Tommy sought her out and was willing to answer some of her questions, it still didn’t make any sense.
If Tommy wasn’t the one who traveled with Ellie from Boston then who did?
And if he didn’t travel with her then how did they grow close enough for him to take her out to the museum?
Did Abby just fabricate it all?
If Tommy isn’t the Museum Guy, then who is? And if that is true then why did he have her name on that memorial?
Did she really just meet him after she got here?
She needed to actually talk to Ellie about all this. Manny came on too hot yesterday, but he did raise some important questions. Abby can’t deny that much.
When she and Beans finally make it to the house, Ellie isn’t back yet. What she does find is Owen and Manny sitting in the living room quietly talking.
“Find out anything good?” Abby asks by way of greeting when she enters.
Owen shakes his head. “Looks like most people don’t know where he could have gone, but they do seem to think that he will come back. So there is that.”
“We can’t just wait around hoping this son of bitch will pop up one day. Issac is probably already pissed we have been gone this long,” Manny says.
“Leave Issac to me when we get back,” Abby says, taking a seat across from them. “Has Ellie been back yet?”
Owen and Manny both shake their heads.
“I think we should stay until after this party and then if we haven’t gotten anything more then we can call it, but we shouldn’t poke around too hard,” Owen says, “If we leave on good terms we can always come back later to see if he shows up.”
“That’s…” Manny starts, “Not a bad idea actually.”
“Yeah he can have a smart idea every once and a while,” Abby mutters.
“What was that,” Owen asks sarcastically, “‘Owen you’re the smartest guy I know’? Why thank you Abby.”
“Yeah something like that.” Abby rolls her eyes at his antics. “Where is everyone else?”
“Not sure we just got back from helping out in the green houses,” Manny says, slouching in his seat, “We barely had time to eat anything before someone rushed us off. Now my body hurts and I need a fucking drink.”
“Did someone say drink?” A voice from the front door says, making all of the people gathered in the living room turn in unison to see Jesse standing in the door frame. Something about him more relaxed and open than he was this morning. Though Abby reckons that might have something to do with how she acted when she first opened the door this morning.
Looking around him, Abby can just make out the top of Ellie’s head behind him. She lags behind quietly talking with that girl as Jesse loudly comes in.
“Dina and I were going to go to the Bison to grab some food,” Jesse continues, “Alvin makes a mean whisky. Much better than whatever that shit you had me drink this morning. You all are more than welcome to tag along.”
“You know what,” Manny says, slapping his thighs as he stands up “I think I will take you up on that offer. Owen? Abby?”
Owen shakes his head, “I should really find Mel. See how she’s doing.”
“I think I saw her head into the Bison with Nick and Jordan when we got out of the stables.” Ellie finally extracts herself from Dina’s side as she comes in.
“Well then, I guess that makes my search easier,” Owen says, “Are you and Abby coming?”
“I’m not hungry,” Ellie says, her eyes darting between Dina, Jesse, and Abby before landing on Owen. “Kinda just tired.”
Owen nods and turns towards Abby, but she just shakes her head.
“I’ll see you tomorrow El.” Jesse says before he leaves following Manny and Owen out the door.
The silence that falls over Ellie and Abby feels almost tangible as Ellie sways back and forth like she does when she is nervous about something. An action she has been constantly doing since they arrived here.
“Looks like we have the house all to ourselves,” Ellie says, breaking the thick silence that settled around them in the absence of their friends.
“Looks like it.” Abby wonders if Ellie can also feel the sudden awkwardness between them as she walks through the living room to their bedroom or if it is only her that feels it.
Abby follows her for lack of anything else to do, trying to work up the courage to ask Ellie all of the questions floating around in her head. A part of her, and Abby isn’t sure how big that part is, really doesn’t want to know the answers.
“I helped Tommy on a construction site today,” She starts, trying to wade into the conversation.
Ellie hums, takes off her jacket, the one that Abby is sure she didn’t bring with her from the Stadium, and her hoodie. Her terminal under shirt clinging to her body.
“How did that go?” Ellie asks nonchalantly as she turns her back to Abby looking for something in her bag, but Abby can see the muscles in her back are tense.
Abby walks closer to her, but before she can get too close a familiar grassy smell hits her nose.
“Is that weed? Are you, are you fucking hight right now?” Abby doesn’t give Ellie a chance to answer, “Do you know how dangerous that is?”
“Abby,” Ellie turns, putting her hand on Abby’s arm, “it was a quiet route. We didn’t even run into any infected while we were out.”
“I don’t fucking care about the infected.” Abby shakes Ellie’s hand off her arm and steps back. “There are other things in the world that can kill you other than the infected.”
Ellie sighs heavily, “This isn’t the Stadium. There aren’t any Scars waiting to ambush us here. We rarely get raiders as it is, much less in the dead of winter. The infected are quite literally all there is to worry about here.”
Abby raises an eyebrow, “I didn’t realize it was a ‘we’ now. So what are you just going to stay here then?”
“Abby what the fuck are you talking about?” Ellie rubs her eyes. “It’s not an us versus them thing.”
“Isn’t it!” Abby yells, “How do you really know Tommy?”
Abby probably would not have noticed her shoulders hunch up ever so slightly if she had not been looking at her so intensely.
“Everyone knows---”
“Don’t give me the ‘everyone knows Tommy’ bullshit,” Abby says louder than she intended. “Do you really think I’m that fucking stupid? He had your name on that memorial thing with his niece and Maria’s son. He mourned you, like a daughter.”
Ellie swallows thickly, “I didn’t know he had my name on there.”
“Well he did,” Abby says softer than before. “Just tell me, Ellie. That’s all I’m asking of you.”
Ellie’s eyes dart between hers, but she makes no move to speak.
“At least answer one thing,” Abby says, “Who is the person who took you to that Museum? Who did you travel with from Boston?”
“That’s two things,” Ellie whispers.
“Now isn’t the time to get smart with me, Ellie.”
“I thought you liked it when I get smart with you.”
“Not right now, Ellie.” Abby pauses, waiting for Ellie to say something, anything. She doesn’t. “You know I thought I knew everything there was to know about you. I thought I knew Tommy was the Museum Guy. That he traveled with you from Boston---”
“I never said Tommy traveled with me. I never said he took me to the museum.” Ellie interrupts her with furrowed brows.
“Can you blame me for assuming that?” Abby shouts. “I’m you fucking girlfriend and I had to find out with the rest of them that you’re even from here. How fucked up is that? Do I even fucking know you at all?”
“You do know me,” Ellie says, pausing briefly to take a deep breath, “I met Tommy when I came here to live. We didn’t travel here together, but I went on a lot of patrols with him. I guess he took me under his wing. I didn’t think me leaving would affect him like it did. Can you please just trust me?”
Abby takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself down.
“I want to believe you. I want to trust you,” Abby says looking her in the eye, “But I can’t”
Ellie takes a surprised step backwards, knees buckling ever so slightly. Her head ducks down quickly so Abby can’t see her face anymore as she nods her head.
She knows it was the wrong thing to say, but before Abby can say anything more, Ellie quickly grabs her backpack and jacket.
“Okay,” Ellie says as she darts out of the room.
Abby knows she should follow her, knows this isn’t over, but she can’t bring herself to move from her spot near the head of the bed until she hears the front door open then close.
Her fist connects with the wall in a sudden outburst of movement.
It should feel cathartic, but it only succeeds in hurting her more.
“Fuck,” Abby shouts, throwing her body onto the bed.
Notes:
Thank you for reading!!
I know it's been a hot minute, but hopefully you can tell why it took me so long to write this chapter. Things are starting to come together. (Really fighting me at every turn though)
Leave a comment or a kudos if you want and have a great day!
Preview to next chapter:
THE PARTY and revelations.
Chapter 32: Chapter 32
Summary:
This chapter might feel a little timey wimey as there are three POV’s in this chapter and I just wanted everyone to know that they all end on the same day. (They might not all start on the same day, but by the end of their chunk it will be the same day) for two of them it will make sense because they connect in this chapter but for one of them it will probably be more clear in the next chapter.
This story was inspired by “Both Sides Now” by fuckingvideogames.
If you have the resources please consider donating to a Palestinian relief fund like Palestine Children's Relief Fund or others. Of course, do your own research to make the best decision for yourself. Peace and love.
Enjoy!
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Joel stays at the farmhouse for a few days.
It’s warm and once he gets the fire really going, Buttons doesn’t want to go back into his bag and to be honest Joel doesn’t feel like arguing with a cat. So they end up staying.
Joel has to admit to himself that they may have stayed there a few days too long, but he was already late as it is so what was a few extra days to him now. He isn’t in any real hurry anyways.
The farmhouse is kept fairly well stocked with firewood and nonperishable foods for the longer patrol routes Jackson does once or twice a year. Yet, in all the times he has stayed out here, Joel rarely uses these supplies unless he is truly in great need. So he spends most of his days at the farmhouse hunting for something they can eat that’s not in a can.
Outposts similar to this one are stationed anywhere from a few days' horse ride from Jackson to a full day, depending on the terrain.
Joel isn’t too sure when Jackson started upkeeping these outposts or if Tommy started to push for them when Joel first set out to look for the Fireflies. All he knows is that when he left for that first failed trip to Arizona, Tommy had handed him a map with all the outposts marked and told him to stop there for his nights for as long as he was able.
On that first trip, he might as well have not even bothered with the outposts at all for all the help they gave him, but each time he came back or left again he started to see improvements. At first it was just stocked with firewood and food, but over time Joel started to notice that beer, whiskey, and sometimes coffee would be left at certain outposts. He has a sneaking suspicion that Tommy might be the one leaving them for him, but Joel has never called him out on it.
Luckily this farmhouse happens to be one of the few that have liquor in it and unlike the food in the pantry Joel doesn’t have the same hesitation taking the alcohol here. Unluckily for Joel, this farmhouse is also one of the farthest outposts from Jackson. If he had a horse it would have still taken him at least two days to get back to Jackson from here, but on foot he would be lucky to make it there in double that time. At least the storm has calmed down in the few days Joel has allowed himself to stay at the farmhouse, but now Buttons is once again curled up in his backpack and they are on the trail to the next outpost.
On his current route there are still three more outposts until he makes it to the daily patrol routes of Jackson.
Joel remembers Tommy saying something about trying to get some old radios fixed up and put out here the last time he was in town and he wonders if Tommy ever got around to doing that in the months he has been away. They do have the old radio station fixed up in the town closest to Jackson, but it would still be nice not to have to take a detour there just to tell Tommy he was alive and coming back. Besides, what good are these outposts anyways if there is no way to contact Jackson in the event of an emergency. Though Joel highly suspects that these little outposts were created for him and his failure. Still Joel has to admit they are nice to have.
They have been a much needed place to come back to being human again before he has to interact with any real people.
He is able to get to the first outpost within a day. It’s really not much more than a shelter cabin used by hikers in the pre-outbreak days. They are mostly left forgotten now, scattered along the old mountain trails, but Joel has run into a few people who call them home. They don’t tend to be the most friendly of people, but Jackson has done a good job of securing the surrounding area by either welcoming people in or driving people away.
This one is a bit less stocked than the farmhouse was, but it looks like it’s had a bit of a remodel done on the door and the loft bed so Joel can’t complain too much.
And there, tucked neatly away on a shelf in the small space is a radio, which would have been the the most remarkable update to this small space if Joel didn’t see the coffee, coffee filters and pour over gear also on that same shelf.
Joel hadn’t had a decent cup of coffee since leaving Georgia. Something about the act of grinding the coffee, portioning out the grounds into the filter and pouring the boiled snow over it helps to calm Joel down. But as he takes his first sip he remembers all the times Ellie used to make fun of him for drinking the stuff and the taste bitters in his mouth more than usual.
He doesn’t stay in the cabin for longer than a night's sleep. The radio left untouched as he sets out with Buttons once again in the early morning light.
Joel tells himself he will radio at the next outpost.
He doesn’t.
The last outpost is nothing more than an old fire lookout tower and honestly one of the better outposts at that. The view is gorgeous and Buttons refuses to leave the window sill. They had been up here a full two days already and Joel has spent that whole time staring at the radio sitting perfectly on the table.
He should have already radioed Tommy.
He can practically hear what Tommy will say to him when he finally does. He’ll ask why it’s taken so long for him to radio in. He’ll ask if he saw all the radios in all the other outposts and Joel won’t know what to tell him because before all that Tommy will ask if he has her and Joel isn’t ready to voice his failure once again.
He could just not call in.
Say he didn’t use any of the outposts.
Say the route he took cut through the forest in such a way that made going to one of them inconvenient. But Joel knows that would never work. Tommy will just make a note and add more. He would want to ride out with Joel to scout out new places to put more outposts when the weather is good. He’ll start pulling him into planning things again and Joel just doesn’t know if he can make it that far. The only thing keeping him moving right now is this fucking cat.
Said fucking cat finally leaves the ledge she has spent most of the morning sunbathing on and hops onto the table with the radio.
She strolls the length of the table until she is right in front of the radio and in a burst of kitten-like behavior she rears back on her hind legs and bats wildly at the cord like it is some kind of snake ready to attack her.
“Hey!” Joel yells, finally standing up to go over to the table for the first time since getting there. “Get off of that.”
Buttons just looks at him expectantly, cord trapped lightly in her mouth. It takes Joel waving her away from the table for her to finally run back to her ledge.
But now Joel is standing there, right in front of the thing and there is nothing left for him to do except turn the radio on.
At each outpost there has been one channel marked down. Sometimes it was carved into tables or shelves or written on notepads all left near the radio. This time the channel has been written on top of the device in silver marker.
Where Tommy found a silver marker of all things, Joel doesn’t have a clue, but there is no use trying to figure it out now. All he has to do is dial it and Tommy will know that he is coming home.
Joel’s hand reaches out and he turns the dial…
_________
Abby hasn’t seen Ellie since their fight.
She can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing yet.
When she first woke up that morning she had expected to see Ellie sitting on the couch ready to talk. Why Abby thought that she would be there, she doesn’t know.
Maybe it had something to do with the fact that at the Stadium there wasn’t really anywhere Ellie could go to avoid her. Abby already knew all of the places she liked to hide and they got paired up enough during patrols for any attempts at avoidance to be futile so why try in the first place. But here, in Jackson, Abby is at a lose.
When she walks into the living room that day instead of Ellie, she sees Owen and Mel with their heads close together on the couch talking quietly.
Owen lifts his head when she comes in and says, “You just missed her. She’s off on patrol again.”
He said it like it was nothing. Like Ellie hadn’t told them about their fight at all, but more importantly it also meant that she had been there that morning and talked to Owen.
Had she been waiting for Abby to wake up? Was she ready to talk? Is Abby even still mad at her?
Those thoughts stick with Abby throughout the rest of the week.
No one asks where Ellie is or what happened between them. By all accounts their friends don't seem to think that anything is wrong between them at all and Abby makes no effort to correct them. If they notice her latching onto any little comment they make about where they saw Ellie around the town, they don’t mention it.
She would have made an effort to look for Ellie herself if Tommy didn’t find her every morning and drag her and Beans to a different work site each day. Although Abby has to admit that this habit has been both a blessing and curse to her. A blessing because she doesn’t have the energy to think when she gets back home.
Not about Ellie or Joel or anything.
It’s the same empty headedness she used to get from going to the gym, but it just doesn't last as long. The curse comes at night when her nightmares decide to rear their ugly heads. But this time, there is no Ellie here to wake her up and calm her down. Abby didn’t realize how much she had learned to lean on Ellie during the nights when her nightmares take hold of her mind and refuse to let go.
She misses the safety and security she finds when she has her arms wrapped around Ellie’s waist as they sleep. She misses waking to the steady beat of Ellie’s heart or the feeling of Ellie’s hands carding through her hair on the rare occasions when she wakes up first.
Abby knows she could probably just tell Tommy that she doesn’t want to help on the construction sites anymore, but the truth is.
She does.
She hates to admit it, but she likes Tommy. She can understand how easy it was for Ellie to form such a quick attachment to the guy. He is funny without really trying to be in the same way that Ellie is and he always has some kind of come back or comment that takes her by surprise. With how hectic her mind has been lately it’s been nice to go somewhere where the only thing she has to concentrate on is not busting her fingers in with a hammer.
The site always has the same people give or take a few depending on patrol schedules and most have welcomed her and Beans in with open arms. She had been a little worried how people would react to Beans being there, but Abby is pretty sure they all like the dog more than her anyways. There are a few that obviously don’t trust her at all, but they tend to give her a wide berth, so she hasn’t had any issues yet. Mostly, Abby likes how good it feels to create something instead of destroy it.
So much of her life has been focused on killing that she never really thought a simple life like this could be possible.
Much less for someone like her.
Sure she has a fantasy about living on a farm and raising goats or cows or whatever, but she didn’t actually think it would happen.
And that is what scares her the most, isn’t it.
It would be so easy to just forget about Seattle, forget about the war between the Scars and the WLF.
Forget about her revenge.
But then where would that leave her? For so long her whole life has been leading to this. To being here and killing Joel and he isn’t even fucking here. Instead his brother is, with his stupid jokes and even stupider stories that makes it hard to hold onto her anger and hatred, no matter how much she wishes it could remain as easy as it’s always been.
But Abby can’t just let it go. She can’t just forgive and forget. Joel has to pay for what he did. No matter how many stories she hears about what a great guy he is or how much he has helped the town and the people here. He is still the man that killed her father in cold blood. She still hates him with every fiber of her being and no amount of good deeds will ever change her mind.
She doesn’t need to know that he has pretty much single handedly made all of the guitars in the town.
She doesn’t need to know that he carves little figurines of animals out of spare wood and gives them to people freely when he fixes something in their house.
And she most certainly doesn’t need to know that he is always the first one to volunteer when a large horde of infected wander too close to the town.
Abby can’t quite wrap her head around it.
How can a man that seemingly rarely spends any time in the actual town make such a lasting impact on it? But he somehow has and that just adds to her anger.
The longer they all stay in this town the more people Abby fears she is slowly losing. First with Ellie avoiding her and then when Manny starts to go out for drinks with Jesse each night. Mel and Nora start to spend more time in the Jackson hospital than anywhere else and Nick, Jordan, and Leah all somehow end up helping fix old radios in a warehouse across town all day.
Abby isn’t sure why Jackson needs so many radios fixed, but she also doesn’t really care. Even Owen has been giving her weird looks and saying vague statements all week that just end with her more frustrated than anything else. She would have already pushed his company away, but he is the only one staying by her side and trying to help her find out where Joel disappeared to. Even if she doesn’t like the information he is able to gather.
“There isn’t much to go on,” Owen says, one night as they sit down comparing the notes while everyone else is still out of the house. “By all intents and purposes, he is a pillar of the company. People aren’t going to just say where he went to a bunch of strangers that just happened to wander in.”
“I can’t let this lead dry up like the rest of them.” Abby rubs her hands down her face. Her body aching from a long day fixing a roof. “ Someone has to know something.”
“You’ve been getting pretty close with Tommy. Is there a chance that he might tell you something if you asked?”
“I don’t know.” Abby shakes her head, “Maybe if I said we were planning on staying for good he would, but barring that, I don’t think so.”
Owen lets the silence hang in the air. “Have you asked Ellie? Maybe Tommy wouldn’t answer you, but he would talk to her right?”
Abby shrugs, “Maybe.”
And silence once again consumes the pair as Abby lets the topic drop, not wanting to talk about Ellie anymore. Her hand absentmindedly petting Beans’s head as the dog whimpers softly looking from the door to Abby then back again. Abby knows she must be missing Ellie almost as much as Abby herself does.
By the time the day of the dance rolls around, the townspeople have mostly welcomed them into their community as if they were always going to be there. Like the Salt Lake Crew has always been a part of the Jackson settlement.
Abby is sure that if they made any indication that they were planning on staying, Tommy wouldn’t hesitate to put them all on the patrol routes immediately. The fact that Ellie was not only allowed, but encouraged to go on patrols didn’t sit right with Abby, but that also might have something to do with the fact that Abby herself had been barred from going anytime she asked. Whether that ruling came down from Maria herself or if it was just the policy in Jackson, Abby wasn’t sure.
It doesn’t really matter that much anyways.
After the winter party, she and the rest of the Salt Lake Crew will be safely out of there and on their way back home. The only thing she can hope is that Ellie will be with them when they do. It’s not that Abby doesn’t trust Ellie, but with everything going on she just can’t shake the feeling that it is Ellie that might not trust her and that is what hurts her more than anything else.
It would be so much better if she could just find Ellie and talk with her again. She regrets blowing up on her about the weed thing, but it was mostly done out of fear rather than any actual malice and then everything else kind of just snowballed from there. She can’t even say she is fully sorry about it either because choosing to smoke like that while on patrol was beyond reckless and she knows Ellie knows it too.
Abby probably would not have even considered coming to this party in the first place if she hadn't heard Owen say that Ellie was planning on being there. After all she had promised Tommy that she would stay until the party, not that she would actually attend it.
So that is how she found herself walking around the town square looking at all the decorations and booths that she and the rest of the Salt Lake City Crew helped set up the day before.
As she walks around navigating her way through the bodies gathered, she can’t help but be thankful she had left Beans at home. Nothing good can come from this many semi-drunk people wandering around not paying attention to their surroundings.
Abby helps herself to a drink at the makeshift bar set up just outside of the bonfire circle where people sit to chat or wait for their turn at the face painting booth before continuing her exploration of the town square. She has to chuckle a little at the game the children are playing off to the side of where the bonfire is. One of them has their eyes closed pretending to be a clicker as the rest run and hide. It will never cease to amaze Abby how children can take the worst things happening in this world and create a game out of it.
Shaking her head, Abby makes her way to the bonfire where she sees Nora getting her face painted as she talks and laughs with the artist. As Abby gets closer she can see that the artist is none-other than Cat, the girl who kissed and then slapped Ellie across the face when they first got here. Abby doesn’t really know how to feel about those two getting so close so fast as she walks away from the pair. They shouldn’t be making so many friendships and connections with these people.
They should be getting ready to leave soon, restock and then…
Then what?
The chances of Issac allowing them to come back again are slim to none.
Even if she does manage to convince him to let them try again, would the rest of them even be committed to their cause anymore?
Was she?
Yes. She has to be.
But she can’t ask them to go with her again. She can’t ask Ellie to come with her again.
If Abby is being honest with herself, if she had known that Ellie had even the smallest of links to Joel at all she would not have even told her about this trip. No matter how much easier it has been with her here to help them get into the city, Abby would not have risked it.
It would have been better if Ellie had never known about all this in the first place.
Tomorrow she’ll have to sit down with the group and talk about their next steps. But right now Abby just wants to get a little tipsy and make fun of Manny with her girlfriend and pretend that everything is going to be okay in the morning.
Which means that first, she has to find said girlfriend and hope that Ellie still thinks of them in that way. It’s not to say that Abby fully forgives her yet, but more than anything else at this moment, Abby just wants to hold her in her arms again and forget about their fight.
At least for the night.
Then maybe things will go back to normal once they are on their way to Seattle.
She is on her way into the Tipsy Bison, drink in hand, when she hears a group of teenagers hiding in the corner of the square. Normally she wouldn’t bother with paying attention to the gossip tree of Jackson, but Abby swears she heard Joel’s name and something about a radio.
Before Abby can make any move to listen in on them, a hand clamps down on her shoulder.
“Isn’t this nice?” Tommy says, handing her a glass of brown liquid. “Before you go in there I just wanted to say thank you for all the help you and your team have done during your stay.”
“Um yeah. It was kinda fun actually.” Abby takes the full glass from his hands as she quickly downs the little remaining liquid in her old one and sets it on a nearby table.
Tommy gives her a little up and down look. “You sure I can’t convince you all to stay a little longer? We are planning to fix up some of the outposts past our normal routes and we could use the help this spring.”
“I don’t think we can stay that long.”
Tommy nods, raising his hands in the air as a surrender. “Okay fair enough, but I just wanted to make sure you guys didn’t feel like we were running you out is all I’m saying. And it’s not just because I don’t want Ellie leaving again so soon. She is a grown woman whether I like it or not, but it would also be nice to have her stay around you know? Talk to some people.”
Tommy’s voice muffles at the end.
“Yeah I can imagine.” It comes out more bitter than she intends, but then the entirety of what he said hits her ear, “Wait talk to who?”
Tommy stiffens a bit before laughing it off. “Oh um, well we, as in Maria and I haven’t really talked to her since that dinner. It’s like the girl is avoiding me or something.”
Abby furrows her eyebrows. She had just assumed that Ellie had left for Tommy's house that night. If not then where has she been staying this whole time?
“Just do me a favor and have Ellie come over to the house tomorrow morning okay? I got something I have to tell her about.” Tommy pats her back, turning to walk away.
Abby really wishes she could just learn to let it go, but she hadn’t really tried to push the issue much since that first day and something about hearing those kids say Joel’s name again brings him to the forefront of her mind. Not that he ever really leaves it in the first place.
There has been one thing that’s kept her up at night the longer they have stayed here and Abby can’t shake the feeling that this might be the last time she is ever able to get any kind of answer out of Tommy regarding Joel. So she can’t just let him walk into the Bison without at least asking.
“When he came.” Abby’s voice stops Tommy before he can fully leave. When he turns around to look at her again, a small smile gracing his lips. Abby takes a breath before continuing. “When Joel first came here. Did he come with anyone?”
Abby probably would not have noticed Tommy’s body stiffening like it does if it wasn’t for the fact that her eyes had been taking in every minute detail since she thought to ask. It is probably the most telling question she could ask him if Joel has told him anything about what he did in that hospital.
Tommy tries to play it off with a cough, but Abby sees it. Sees the hesitation and quick eye flicks that tells her whatever he is about to say will be a lie.
He smiles again, but this time it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, “You know I don’t think you ever said where your dad was stationed after Colorado? I know the Fireflies have a tendency to scatter to the winds when shit starts hitting the fan.”
Does he know who she is now? Has he pieced it together? Abby doesn’t actually care at this point. “I don’t think the topic ever came up.”
Tommy nods his head, but Abby can feel his calculating gaze reexamining her. “Joel came back alone. Why do you ask?”
Abby nods back at him and shrugs, “No reason, just curious. Boston to Wyoming is a long way to travel by himself.”
“Yeah well Joel has always handled things better on his own. I’ll see you in there,” Tommy says as he turns around, entering the Tipsy Bison quicker than she thinks is necessary.
Abby downs her second drink of the night in less than an hour, which arguably is maybe not the best idea she has ever had, as she follows him in.
The Bison has been completely changed. She knows she shouldn’t be too surprised, considering she was one of the people that helped with the setup. But still, seeing how it all came together with actual people dance on the floor takes her breath away.
That or her drinks are already catching up to her. It doesn’t stop her from grabbing another one on her way to stand by the wall and scan the dance floor. Tommy has already disappeared and she still can’t tell if she truely just fucked herself with that question or not. She probably did if she is being truthful with herself, but at the moment she can’t bring herself to care. They will be long gone by the time he is sure of their intentions towards Joel so it doesn’t matter. What matters now to Abby is finding Ellie.
She hadn’t seen Ellie outside anywhere, but she also just could not be here yet. Maybe she was still out on patrol.
Still she scans the crowd and almost like magnets Abby’s eyes find her.
Ellie doesn’t see Abby, at least not yet, as she stands across the dance floor talking to someone that Abby can’t see through the crowd. But it doesn’t matter who she is talking to. All Abby can focus on is her.
It’s the first time Abby has seen Ellie since she stormed out of their room. She wears a gray undershirt and a new flannel with different shades and thickness of blue lines on it. Her sleeves are rolled up and Abby isn’t sure if Ellie is warm or if she is intentionally showcasing her tattoo. Either way she looks good. Better than good.
A small part of Abby really thought she would be more angry at seeing her than she is, that she would make a big scene out of cornering her and getting her to tell her everything. Or really just talk to her again.
But all Abby can think about is how much she has missed Ellie. It hits her harder than she thought it would and Abby is left frozen in her place just watching Ellie sip her drink and talk across the room until she is no longer just standing there.
____________
To say that this past few days have been a practice of evasion for Ellie would be the understatement of her life. Never before has she felt the need to disappear so thoroughly into partols, but that was exactly what she found herself doing these last few days.
It’s not that Ellie is trying to avoid any one particular person, no that would be almost too easy for her. The fact that no one has managed to corner her into confessing everything has been a miracle. Though that might have something to do with Jesse being too busy running the actual patrols to ask her any questions and Dina not really being on them much since that first day. Ellie isn’t sure if Dina’s absence has anything to do with their kiss and her rejection, but she tries not to think about it too much.
Tommy has been relatively easy to avoid most days, with his priority being the upkeep of the town in the winter. Maria on the other hand proves to be a bit harder to shake as she waits for Ellie near the front of the stables most mornings.
Ellie manages to evade her by sneaking into the stables through the back entrance and rushing out almost late for her patrol on top of her horse. Whatever Maria wants to talk about can’t possibly be that important or else she would make more of an effort in tracking her down after she gets back.
Thankfully her patrols have been mostly uneventful, made only slightly awkward by the fact that she keeps getting paired up with people she has never met before. None of them are bad at what they do and some even invite her to grab a drink with them after their routes are done. Most of the time she declines their invitations, but sometimes she runs into Manny or Jesse on her way from the stables and ends up getting dragged out with them anyways.
It is actually kind of nice seeing her old friends get along so well with her new ones. It almost makes her feel like everything will be okay in some twisted way.
But then she thinks about what Abby said that night and her heart sinks. She always ends up leaving after just one drink with Manny making some crude comment about her going home to relax with Abby.
It is nothing he hasn’t joked about before, but after their fight Ellie thought that Abby would have told them all not to trust her anymore. The fact that she hadn’t, confuses Ellie for the rest of the week and she wars with herself over what it could mean.
Does it mean that Abby wants Ellie to come back?
It’s not like she went that far to begin with. The night of their fight Ellie mostly wandered around town until she found herself walking into the front door of Joel’s house once again. She was still wearing his jacket when she crawled into his bed to fall asleep.
It would have been easy to find his spare sheets and blankets in the closet. She knows exactly where they would be, but she didn’t even bother with a pillowcase. She just curled up there on his striped bed and closed her eyes. Every ounce of discomfort she felt through the night and the next morning she deserved.
The second night she thought about sleeping there again, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. Instead she snuck into the last vacant room on the first floor of Baltimore’s house and just hoped no one would question her about it.
And this plan did seem to work for the most part. Ellie has to be up early for patrol so by the time they all start to wake up she is already in the living room tying up her boots ready to leave.
And that is exactly what she did up until Owen woke up early the morning of the winter party.
“Um, Hi,” Owen says, as Ellie walks down the hallway from her new room at the back of the house.
“Oh hey.” Ellie tries to act natural, but suddenly her breathing is a bit too fast. Has she always breathed this loudly? “Just had… to… um… use the bathroom.”
Owen nods, bringing his cup of coffee to his lips and Ellie has to give it to him, for someone who just recently learned that he is about to become a father, Owen has already perfected his dad stare to a T. And it is somehow the perfect mixture of concern and judgment all wrapped up into one look. Ellie can’t decide if the reason she feels guilty when she sees that look is because it reminds her so much of Joel or if she is just anticipating Owen finally asking his own questions about her relation to Tommy.
Owen gently places his cup down on the counter, as Ellie prepares herself for whatever he is about to say. But right when it looks like he is about to open his mouth, Mel walks down the stairs and Ellie is able to quickly slip away with some half-baked excuse and a promise to see him at the party.
Owen is probably the closest person to Abby aside from herself so Ellie is sure she can’t avoid his questions forever. All she can hope for is that he will at least wait until they are heading back to the Stadium before he starts probing.
Maybe by that time she will have figured out how to answer those questions.
As Ellie sips her whisky in the Tipsy Bison she has to admire the set up. The lights have been strung up in beautiful arches and the dance floor is already packed with people.
She should be enjoying the party, but she has never really been one for these types of events anyways. The only reason she came was because it would bring up too many questions if she didn’t and the less people asking around for her the better.
She knows that she will have to face Abby at some point. She just doesn't know what Abby will decide to do with what she has to say or if she will even want to talk to her at all. It’s the unknown that leaves Ellie almost paralyzed every time she thinks about entering their room again when she hears Abby come into the house at night.
The whole week Ellie’s been rehearsing what she wants to say to her, but she can never get it right. Abby deserves a full explanation, but how can she give her that if she can’t be honest with her. Ellie hates to admit it, but Dina is right.
If Abby truly knew everything there is to know about her, she wouldn’t even want to look at Ellie anymore. Would any of them? Can she even really blame them?
Joel didn’t just hurt Abby and Abby isn’t the only one in her group that wants Joel dead.
Ellie sighs into her drink as she takes another sip of her Whisky, Alvin really did brew a good batch this year.
“What’s got you so down?” Ellie looks up as Owen leaning back on the table next to her, his own drink in hand.
Ellie just shrugs, “It’s--”
“Let me guess,” Owen interrupts her, “It’s hard to explain. Or it’s nothing. Or it’s--”
“Okay god I get it.”
Owen laughs softly as he raises his glass to his lips, letting the subject rest for a second as they fall into a comfortable silence listening to the band play.
Ellie can’t help but think that if Joel were here he would be over there playing his guitar with the rest of the band.
“You know you have to tell her right?” Owen’s voice once again rips her from her thoughts.
“Tell who, what?”
Owen gives her his dad-stare. “You know who. Abby. It will be so much worse if she figures it out on her own. Or if someone slips and tells her.”
Ellie freezes, “What are you talking about?”
“Come on Ellie. I may be dumb sometimes, but I’m not an idiot. I saw you,” Owen says looking out into the crowd. “That first night after you and Abby came back from dinner at Tommy’s. I woke up thirsty as hell and when I looked out the window there you were, walking into the house across the street.”
Owen turns his head to look at her for the first time since coming over. “A house that has Joel Miller’s name painted on the mailbox clear as day.”
Ellie swallows thickly and takes another sip.
“Don’t look so worried. I didn’t tell anyone. As far as I know no one looked across the fucking street for his house either.” Owen takes a swig of his own drink.
“You’re her, aren’t you?” Owen whispers, “The girl he killed for.”
Ellie can’t look at him, but her head nods slightly.
“I didn’t know,” Ellie whispers, almost frantically. “Not until I went back there two years ago, hoping the Fireflies were still there somehow. He lied to me. Told me they didn’t need me, that there were a bunch just like me and that they couldn’t make the cure. I’m so sorry.”
Something about him having guessed the truth makes it so easy to spill everything she has had locked inside for so long and it feels good to have it all out there. At least to one person.
Owen’s arm wraps around her shoulder. “Hey, No one will blame you for what he did, but you have to tell Abby. It’s not going to stop her from loving you even if she hates him.”
Ellie shakes her head. “You don’t know that. You can’t guarantee that.”
“You’re right. I can’t say that everything will be okay because I don’t know. But I can say that you will always have a place with us no matter where you stand with Abby. I'll always have your back.”
Ellie still can’t bring herself to look at him, but she nods her head. Looking out into the crowd she sees Dina dancing with someone whose name Ellie doesn’t remember.
“Thanks,” She whispers.
Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Owen nod as the song ends and Dina makes her way over to them.
Dina grabs Ellie’s drink out of her hands.
“Hey that’s,” Ellie says as she watches Dina down it in one go. “I wasn’t done with that.”
“Oops well now you are,” Dina laughs, grabbing Ellie’s hand and dragging her out onto the dance floor.
Dina wraps her arms loosely around Ellie’s neck. With little other place to put her hands Ellie rests them lightly on Dina’s side.
Dina tugs her head down a little to whisper in her ear. “Are you okay? You looked like you were about to start crying.”
Ellie tries to smile. “I’m fine. Just heard some hard truths, that's all.”
Dina hums. If there is one thing that Ellie has always appreciated about Dina it was her ability to let shit slide.
Or so Ellie thought.
“Those hard truths don’t happen to have anything to do with the angry blonde coming this way does it?”
“What?” Ellie turns to see Abby weaving her way through the crowded dance floor only stopping when she reaches them.
Ellie barely hears Dina’s laugh as she takes in Abby’s appearance for the first time since their fight.
She can barely decide where to direct her eyes first.
All of Abby looks so damn good. The sleeves of her thermal black shirt have been pushed up to just below her elbows showing off her thick forearms while the rest of the material clings to all the right places of her torso. Abby must have gone to the trading post at some point during the week as her jeans look new. And Ellie would just like to personally thank whoever gave them away because the way they fit on Abby’s body should be criminal. Maybe Ellie just didn’t realize how much she had truly missed Abby until she was standing in front of her with her hand outstretched for Ellie to take.
Ellie misses whatever Abby had said when she first walked up to her and Dina on the dance floor, but almost instinctively Ellie takes her hand and Abby pulls her close to her body and away from Dina.
Looking back at Dina as Abby spins her away, Ellie sees her friend lift up two thumbs and mouth “Good luck,” before Manny comes up to her.
After Abby seems satisfied with their distance away from Dina, the pretense of dancing slowly fades away as they stand locked in each other's arms, swaying slightly to the music.
Ellie can almost see how uncomfortable Abby is to be on the dance floor with her. In all the parties that they have attended in the WLF they have never actually danced at them, always preferring to sit outside to talk and smoke with their friends.
But right now neither of them makes any effort to step off of the dance floor and away from the other.
“You look-” Ellie starts.
“Sorry I-” Abby interrupts and just like that the tension breaks like a bubble popping as they both start to laugh.
“You first,” Abby says when they calm down.
“I was just going to say, you look great.”
Abby ducks her head, but Ellie can still see the smile that graces her lips. When Abby looks back up at her there is an intensity to her gaze that wasn’t there before.
“I missed you,” Abby whispers, her hand coming up to tuck Ellie’s small braid behind her ear. The one Ellie still rebraids when it gets too loose. Abby bends a little closer to her and Ellie can smell the whisky on her breath. She wonders briefly how many glasses of the stuff Abby has had so far, but decides it doesn’t matter.
Like gravity, Ellie feels herself moving just a bit closer to Abby as she wraps her arms more securely around Ellie. At this point they are just two people hugging on the dance floor, barely swaying to the music. “What were you going to say?”
At Ellie’s question, Abby pulls away. She doesn’t go far. Just enough to look down into Ellie’s eyes.
“I shouldn’t have said what I did that night. I might be a little tipsy right now, but I do trust you. More than anyone. I… Just…there’s something about this place that drives me a little insane.”
“No, you have nothing to apologize for. You were right.” Ellie shakes her head, “There was so much that I wanted to tell you on that overlook before Owen came. But once we got here it just all got so real and… I want to tell you everything, but I just don’t want to lose you.”
“You could never lose me,” Abby says, hand coming up to cradle Ellie’s face, guiding her into a gentle tentative kiss. Almost like she isn’t sure if the action will be accepted.
Abby just barely begins to pull away when Ellie brings her back in and it is everything Ellie wanted it to be and more.
“Hey,” a voice yells, startling them apart. “This is a family event.”
When Ellie looks she isn’t surprised that the person who interrupted them is none other than Seth. She had hoped in her time away that he had gotten over whatever issue he seemed to have with her, but he was still the closed-minded jerk he always was.
That and he was far too close to Abby for her liking, but she had never been one to back down even when she was a kid.
Ellie lifts an eyebrow. “Okay?”
They had already jumped apart when he first came over, but Abby’s hand finds its place in hers and squeezes.
Seth’s eyes lock onto their clasped hands before moving up to their faces. He takes a step back as he says, “Just remember next time there are kids around.”
“Yeah,” Abby says, “Like you are setting such a great example.”
“Just what this town needs,” Seth mutters over his shoulder, loud enough for the room to hear. “Another loud mouth dyke.”
The whole of the Tipsy Bison falls quiet.
“What the fuck did you just say.” Ellie steps in front of Abby, letting go of her hand as she advances on Seth.
But before Seth can fully turn back around, Abby’s fist is in his face and all hell breaks loose.
Seth tries to retaliate but Abby is much faster as she grabs Seth’s arm before he can follow through with his punch and exchanging it for one of her own. Despite being a horrible person, Seth does manage to have some friends and before Ellie can register how it all happens three more men are on them.
Somehow Abby and Ellie get separated in the fighting, but Ellie has no doubt that Abby is handling her own. Ellie on the other hand has somehow found herself with a man's thick forearm wrapped around her neck.
There isn’t much Ellie can see from her position, but out of the corner of her eye she thinks she spies Manny and Owen rushing up to her and her attacker. She can feel more than see when they make it to her because the man’s head is bashed against a nearby table, effectively loosening his grip on her.
“Hey are you okay?” Owen asks, helping her up.
Ellie nods absentmindedly at him as she looks around at the chaos of the Bison for Abby.
Bodies lock onto each other in a twisted mockery of dance as the whole fucking town seems to be fighting eachother and not just her friends. Though her friends are all definitely there in the crowd throwing punches and cracking bottles on peoples heads. All except for Mel who Ellie can’t find as she searches.
Good. Ellie thinks. She shouldn’t be a part of all this.
How this all escalated so quickly Ellie can’t quite wrap her mind around. One minute she was in Abby’s arms and the next she had that man’s forearm cutting off her circulation.
A window shattering across the room pulls Ellie’s attention and she finally tracks down where Abby is, standing in front of said broken window, blood streaming down from a cut on her forehead, a satisfied grin on her face.
“Abby!” Ellie screams, but it is already too late as a chair crashes into Abby’s back sending her to the floor.
A man crawls back into the room from the broken window, blood dripping from his face and arms from the glass. Ellie can barely recognize that the man is Seth until she is almost on him grabbing his arm when he is about to crash it into Abby’s skull as his friend holds her down.
“Get off of me you fucking bitch,” Seth yells, ripping his arm out of Ellie’s grip as he falls to floor with his own force.
The man holding Abby down lets her up as he quickly moves to attack Ellie instead, but she manages to dodge his first fist. Manny, who Ellie hadn’t realized followed her, takes a chair and crashes it into the man’s back before he can prepare to try again.
“Not so fun being on the other side is it?” Manny spits out before they all turn their attention back to see Abby and Seth locked in a grapple once again.
For as old as Seth is he isn’t going down without a fight, but then again either is Abby.
A loud long ear splitting whistle pierces the air, stopping everyone in the room in their tracks as they try to protect their ears from the noise. Even Abby and Seth pause their movements at the sound.
Ellie whips around to the front door to see Maria with her fingers in her mouth producing the God awful noise with Tommy standing right next to her. Ellie had briefly wondered where they were when the fighting had first started. If they had both been here Ellie doubt that it would not have progressed to the level that it did.
“Enough!” Maria yells when she finishes. “This is supposed to be a fun family event. You will all stop this nonsense, pick up these chairs, sweep the floor of any glass, and wipe the blood off of every surface. Do you hear me?”
The less injured people all nod, moving away from whoever they were in conflict with as they start to do what Maria says with their heads held down.
Maria’s eye quickly scans the crowd before landing squarely on Ellie.
“Fuck,” Ellie says, grabbing Abby by the hand and pulling her towards the only other exit she can find. The broken window.
“Hey,” Maria’s voice can be heard from their poor excuse of a hiding place just on the other side of the wall. “What the fuck happened here. Where’d Ellie and Abby go?”
“Those’s dykes are fucking crazy,” Seth says.
Abby’s hand clenches in Ellie’s at the sound of his voice.
“What the fuck did you just call Ellie?” Tommy’s voice comes into the mix and Ellie doesn’t think she has ever heard him sound this angry before. “I think it’s about time you and I had a little talk about respecting others.”
His voice fades as he speaks. Ellie can’t see what he is doing, but she can imagine him dragging Seth off to the back office.
“We should go before Maria finds us,” Ellie whispers, tugging at Abby's hand still locked in her own.
The last thing they hear before they turn to leave is Manny’s voice as he asks, “What the fuck is a dyke?”
And this more than anything breaks Ellie.
Laugher bubbles out of her throat and Abby’s hand quickly moves to muffle the sound as they run from the scene of their crime. Thankfully, it was already late enough by the time the fight broke out that most people were either already in the Bison or heading home. So they didn’t run into anyone as they made their escape.
Ellie pulls Abby’s hand away from her mouth as she leads her through backyards and in between buildings. Even though Ellie hasn’t smoked since that one patrol she almost feels high at the moment, just running with Abby by her side through a town she knows like the back of her hand. Just two lefts and a right and they are home.
Abby is now the one giggling as they run and Ellie knows that this girl is pass tipsy with just that action only. Ellie can’t say that the fight sobered her all the way up either, but how Abby was able to fight like she did while being in this state, Ellie will never know.
“Hey,” Ellie says, pulling them to a stop right when they enter the house. “Let me see you.”
Abby breathes out a laugh, “You should see the other guy.”
“I did and he looked terrible.”
Abby turns to her, moving in close to allow Ellie to see her better in the dim light of the house. Ellie raises her hand, ghosting it over a large cut running along her hairline, but apart from that Abby doesn’t look that injured. Seth definitely took the brunt of the fight, not that he didn’t deserve it.
Abby’s hand moves to cup Ellie’s cheek, her thumb lightly grazing over the cut on her lip. “Are you okay?”
Ellie smiles, “I think I should be the one asking that seeing as this cut will probably need at least a few stitches. Come on. Let me fix you up.”
Abby hums as Ellie walks to the bathroom and grabs the first aid kit stashed there. When Ellie stands up something feels off in the haze of her mind, but she shakes it off.
When she comes out Abby is standing in front of a fireplace, holding a picture frame.
“This guy,” Abby says, “You’ve drawn him before.”
Ellie’s blood runs cold. Two lefts and a right is the back way to Joel’s house from the Bison, not to the Baltimores. They should have kept walking, but in Ellie’s slightly compromised state, she had walked right into Joel’s house like she had done so many times before without a thought.
“Why does it say, To: Joel, From: Ellie?”
Ellie swallows thickly. “Let me stitch you up first.”
“No!” Abby yells. “Why does it say, To: Joel, From: Ellie?”
“Because Abby,” Ellie says slowly walking closer to her. “Joel… Is the museum guy. Joel is the guy that got stabbed in Colorado. Joel is who I traveled with from Boston.”
“No,” Abby whispers, shaking her head. “No.”
“I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how and then when we got here he wasn’t even here… I thought maybe I didn’t need to.”
“All this time. You knew him. You traveled with him. You saved him.” Abby's voice crescendos as she speaks every little sentence. “And you have the nerve to tell me to trust you while you fucking lie to my face over and over again.”
“That’s not what I meant to do. I just--”
“You just what?” Abby yells, finally dropping the picture as she advances on Ellie. “What the fuck did you think was going to happen when I found him. Is he even fucking gone in the first place? Or did you travel down here during one of those night shifts you so generously took and told him to disappear for a few weeks? Is that where you go for your patrols? Just hanging out with good old Joel in the woods. Just like old times, am I right?”
“No, He really isn’t here. Just---”
Abby’s tone is deathly calm when she says, “The next words out of your mouth better not be fucking 'trust me'.”
Ellie can’t bring herself to look at her. This was not how she wanted to tell her at all. This was not what she had rehearsed.
“Look me in the eye and tell me he isn’t here and I might believe you.”
Ellie raises her head, staring at the hurt in Abby’s clear blue eyes, “Last Tommy heard he was traveling to Atlanta, but he could be anywhere. Please believe me.”
“Atlanta?” Abby says, taking a step back, her eyes widening for a split second then darkening with anger. “All this time and you knew where the fuck he was.”
Ellie’s eyes widen when she relies what she just said. She opens her mouth to speak, but Abby raises a hand stopping her in her tracks. “Don’t you dare fucking talk to me.”
Ellie watches, frozen in Joel’s living room, as Abby shakes her head.
There is nothing Ellie can think to say to stop this from happening. She wishes she could turn back the clock to when they were on that dance floor, or in their room that first night, or even all the way back to when Abby first told her about what Joel did.
But she can’t.
She can’t unwind time. She can’t fix all her mistakes.
All she can do is watch as Abby turns away from her and listen as she mutters, “I can’t believe I fucking trusted you.”
The click of the front door is what finally breaks her as she crumbles to the floor.
Notes:
*come out behind a boulder*
*clears throat* Long time no see.
Thank you for reading!!!
I can’t believe it has basically been a month since my last update. I definitely did not mean to leave you all hanging like that, but I got sick halfway through the month and could simply not focus on a screen long enough to write. But this one was a pretty long one for me so I hope that makes up for it. I went back and forth about cutting it in half just to have something out sooner, but I promised the dance in this chapter and I didn’t want to push it back anymore.
I hope you all enjoyed it.
Preview to next chapter:
More Joel!
(I'm going to go hide in a cave now)
Chapter 33: Chapter 33
Summary:
Thank you all for being so patient with me as my updates seem to just be getting longer. Trust me I am in fact trying to get these chapters up as fast as I can, but you all have been so wonderful. The next few chapters are pretty major so I took a little extra time on this one to make sure I was happy with it.
TW: Major Suicidal Ideation. (Joel needs a hug, preferably from Ellie.)
This story was inspired by “Both Sides Now” by fuckingvideogames.
If you have the resources please consider donating to a Palestinian relief fund like Palestine Children's Relief Fund or others. Peace and love.
Enjoy!
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Static is the only thing that greets Joel as he turns the dial.
“Hello?” He clears his throat and starts again. “This is Joel Miller. Is anyone there?”
More static greets him.
Double checking the numbers written on the radio, Joel tries again.
“Hello. This is Joel Miller. Is anyone there? Is anyone listening?” Then as an afterthought. “Over?”
He waits, finger off the speaker button, listening to the static once more.
“Is there really no one on the other side of this damn thing?” Joel yells into the microphone. “What good are these radios if no one is on the other side to answer… Over.”
The static finally cuts out. For a moment no one speaks, then… “Did you say…Joel Miller?”
”Yeah… Who is this? Eugene?”
“Man, Tommy’s going to flip,” The person on the other side says, more to themselves than to him, “Oh um no I’m not Eugene. I’ve heard a lot about you though. We all thought you were dead. I’m Greg. Greg Barrett.”
Joel rolls his eyes as the voice on the radio rambles on in increasingly quick succession. It’s not the first time he has come back to people thinking he had died. The kid sounds young, excited, and eager to please so he tries to let it slide, it’s not this kid’s fault that Joel has to file down his sharp edges. Joel wonders briefly how many new refugees Tommy and Maria have let into Jackson since he’s been gone because the name Greg Barrett doesn’t ring any bells for him, but then again Joel doesn’t make a habit of getting to know new people unless he has to.
Joel tries to tune back into whatever it is this kid is talking about now. “---need us to send a team out there to get you? Are you hurt? What am I doing? I have to go get Tommy.”
“You don’t---”
“Hey! Leah!” The kid yell, interrupting Joel in the process as his voice fades slightly and Joel just knows that he has moved his mouth away from the microphone. “Go run and grab Tommy, quick!”
Joel shakes his head, hearing a faint click of a door on the other side. No doubt the sound of whoever this Leah person is, leaving to get Tommy.
“There’s no need to get Tommy,” Joel says into the microphone, hoping that the kid will hear him. “Just tell him that I’ll be at the Lodge by nightfall. I’m just radioing in so he doesn’t have a heart attack seeing me at the gate in the morning.”
“Oh okay Mr. Miller.” The voice sounds hesitant. “You sure? It won't take long and I know Tommy will want to talk to you.”
“I’m sure. Just give him that message. Now I should really be heading out soon if I want to be able to make it to the Lodge when I said I would. Over and out.”
“Um okay---”
Joel turns the volume down and the dial off before the kid can finish whatever he was saying.
Somehow the prospect of there being anyone other than Tommy on the other end hadn’t crossed his mind, but Joel can’t say that he isn’t happy that it was Greg instead. That little conversation, though taxing in its own way, still bought him some more time before he has to hear his brother's voice and see his brother's sad eyes again. The only downside is that now he doesn’t have any more excuses for delaying his return.
Joel’s hands bracket the table as he leans all of his weight onto his arms. He can’t help but regret radioing in at all. At least now he can say that he tried to get a hold of Tommy.
Somewhere along the way being on the road became a sort of solace to Joel. Made him feel like he was doing something productive, like he had a purpose again. But he didn’t lie to Tommy. This will be the last time he goes off looking for Ellie. This will be the last time he chases down the ghost of the Fireflies. If she did find them then she is likely already dead. If she didn’t… Joel doesn’t even want to think about what could have happened to her.
A flash of the mangled body of David enters his mind and Joel winces at the intrusion. Joel knows she is strong, but there is only so much a person can take before there is nothing left to fight for anymore.
He has known that feeling too well and too often in his life to know what it feels like to lose the last thing in the world worth fighting for.
Buttons waves through his arms on the table rubbing her face on his forearm until he caves and starts to pet her head.
Nothing left to fight for except this cat apparently.
“Come girl,” Joel says, cradling the cat in his arms. “This is the last little stretch here and then its over”
This will be over , he thinks.
The words rest heavy in his stomach. The absolution in them feels more real than anything has in a long time. That more than anything else should scare him. Even after Sarah died there was still a part of him that held that fear, that flinched at the gunshot.
This time he knows there will be no flinching.
The cat doesn’t put up a fight as she tucks herself into the crook of Joel’s arms, fully trusting him as he walks back to the bed and his bag.
Only when he sits down does she leave his arms to stretch. Joel taps his bag twice and Buttons easily hops into the space Joel had created for her to keep warm in their winter travels.
He continues to pet her head as she settles into sleep, warm in his bag. Joel takes an extra few minutes to gather anything else he might need for the last leg of their journey.
And with one final look around the Fire Tower, Joel picks up his bag, careful of Buttons once again napping inside it, and sets out.
Hiking has never bothered Joel much. After a while it becomes almost meditative for him, but even he needs to stop and remind himself to take a break every so often. It alway helps if the view is nice, so Joel watches the sun set from his seat on a log as he rests for a minute. Buttons makes no move to leave the warmth of his backpack gladly taking the small bits of jerky that Joel hands her from the small opening of the bag without uncurling from her makeshift bed.
He knows that he has left later in the day then he should have. The safest thing to do would have been to wait the rest of the day and start out first thing in the morning if he wanted to get to the Lodge before nightfall. But now Tommy would be expecting him at the gate tomorrow morning and for all the disappointment that he carries with his final return, Joel really doesn’t want to make a liar out of himself again.
By his own calculations it will still take him a few more hours before he makes it to the Lodge from where he is now. So he only takes a small rest before he is packing up the little food he has and heading out again.
It would have taken him less time if he cut through the town, but if there was one thing he had learned in his time on the road, it was that towns meant people and people meant infected. So he chooses to stick to the woods for as long as possible, at least until he can make it within the main patrol routes closer to the Lodge. Even with all his forethought he still runs into a few half frozen runners in the night that he is able to quickly take care of with little more than a small mental note to Tommy about tightening up the patrols when he gets back.
When he finally sees the Lodge within easy walking distance and no infected in sight he breathes a small sigh of relief.
Joel half expected Tommy to be there waiting for him when he enters the Lodge, but the place is empty except for his old horse, Old Beardy, standing with a little pile of hay in the corner of the lodge next to the bay doors where they keep the horses during winter patrols. The small area is semi sectioned off to create a makeshift stall for the horse. It’s not a perfect set up, but it works for what they need it too.
“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” Joel says, petting the horse as the beast eats, not really paying him any mind.
Joel takes a second to peek around the Lodge and finds a note addressed to him from Tommy. He sets down his bag, opening it for Buttons to get out and explore before reading the note.
Joel,
By God you did it again brother.
Not going to lie and say there weren’t times when I thought I’d have to carve your name into a stone. When Greg told me you had radioed in saying that you’d be here tonight I thought he was playing some kind of prank on me or some shit the kids do to pass the time when they get bored. I would have stayed here to wait for you, but the winter party is tonight and I still have to help set it up. Maria would have my head if I didn’t help her and as much as I love you brother, you know I'm no match for her. If you get here in enough time maybe you can stop by. That is why I’m leaving Old Beardy here for you.
You have to promise me though that you will come first thing in the morning if you don’t end up coming to the party. I know you like to take some time to be alone after you get back, but I have a surprise for you that I think you’re going to want to see as soon as you get here.
I missed you brother. We all did.
Tommy
“Fucking sap,” Joel whispers folding the note and putting it into his jacket pocket for safekeeping.
He doesn’t really need to look around the Lodge, but he sees that some blankets and pillows have been left for him along with a fresh bottle of whisky next to a backpack full of wrapped sandwiches and containers of fresh fruits and vegetables. Joel creates a small fire in the fireplace to warm up next to as he examines the bottle of whisky.
He sits back on the couch closest to the fire and kicks up his feet on the table as he uncorks the whisky and takes a quick swig, settling in for the night. Even if he doesn’t go to the party in Jackson he sees no reason why he can’t make his own little party right here.
_________
Abby couldn’t get out of that fucking house fast enough. She can’t bring herself to look back either. She knows that with one look from Ellie she would end up staying in that house.
His house.
She would end up listening to whatever lies Ellie decides to tell her now and she can’t stand being lied to anymore. She doesn’t want to calm down. She doesn’t want to listen to reason.
She wants to hit something.
Hard.
Preferably his face multiple times, maybe with a bat or golf club or really anything harder than her fists.
How many times did Ellie have an opportunity to tell her who Joel was to her and did nothing? How many times did she straight up lie to her face? But more importantly…
How had Abby not seen it all sooner?
In hindsight, she had seen it. She saw it in every abrupt change of conversation, in every far away look, in every story about the Museum Guy suddenly cut short when she was about to say his name. Abby saw the hurt and pain in Ellie’s eyes whenever she thought of him, but Abby hates to admit that she also saw the love and care there too.
Abby should have been able to piece it all together right after Christmas when Ellie kept insisting on holding off the trip. But Abby wasn’t paying attention to what or how Ellie was saying anything back then, so focused on getting everyone ready for their mission. She didn’t see the stalling for what it was.
Abby stops briefly as she leaves that house and comes face to face with the sight of the Baltimore’s place right across the street and the knowledge that Joel’s house had been right there under her nose this whole time hits her like a brick to the face. She almost laughs at the sight before she is moving once again unsure if Ellie plans on chasing after her or not. It’s doubtful, but a part of Abby wishes that she will. If simply for an excuse to yell some more.
Why didn’t she bother to look right across the street? Why didn’t she think to look for his house at all?
Has Tommy been in on this the whole fucking time? Is that why he would find her in the morning and direct her right where he wanted her to go? Was it so that she wouldn’t go around town looking for Joel?
It’s a clever ruse they had going on, if so. Abby will give them that much at least.
She can’t believe she had been so stupid. She just wants to scream at herself for her idiocy. For her trust.
And what really gets her is that she did fucking trust Ellie.
She trusted her with her life, with her heart, and with her dreams. Abby had never given so much of herself to another person before aside from maybe her father. With Owen it had been easy to give her heart away, but he could never understand what she needed when her nightmares became too much to handle. No matter how much she loves her friends, she could never trust them enough to have her back in battle even when they have never let her down. There has always been some kind of barrier holding her back from truly giving all she was to another person before Ellie came along and tore all those walls down brick by fucking brick.
It just adds more fuel to the fire of her anger and Abby hates to admit it, but she also feels that old fear creeping back into her.
It’s the same fear Abby felt walking through that hallway in the hospital before finding her father shot dead.
It’s the same fear Abby felt finding Ellie in that Radio Station after her solo scouting mission to the Scar island.
It’s the same fear Abby felt smelling the weed on Ellie when she came back from patrol.
And it’s the same fear Abby felt seeing that picture on the mantle.
Abby doesn’t know when her fears started to manifest as anger, but as she walks aimlessly her desire to hit something only grows. She is aware enough to pick a different direction if she hears anyone getting close to her. Not that there are many people out this late at night anyways, the party must have ended after her little fight with Seth, which is fine with her, she doesn't actually want to hurt anyone here.
She doesn’t know how she ends up at the front gate, she hadn’t consciously decided to go there, but now with nowhere else to go Abby rears back a fist and hits the door of the gate as hard as she can. She welcomes the pain in her hand, even if the one she really wants to take her anger out on might be in fucking Atlanta if she believes Ellie.
She rears back her fist again for another hit.
“Hey,” Abby jumps back from the gate as a voice yells down to her. When she looks up she sees a man climbing down the ladder of the watchtower to the left of the gate's doors. “What the fuck do ya think ya’re doing?”
When the man is fully on the ground Abby can see that it is none other than Alvin and she has to force herself not to roll her eyes.
Alvin was one of the few people in Jackson that never seemed to warm up to her. He was fine with Owen or Manny, but she is sure that if he was at that party he would have been one of the people throwing punches her way with Seth.
“Ya drunk girl?” He asks, coming closer to her. “Because ya fucking reck. Did ya poor a whole fucking bottle on yerself?”
She does feel just a bit light headed, but that might have more to do with the cut still bleeding from her forehead then any alcohol she has had that night.
“Ya look like you just got into a fight girl,” He says after Abby doesn’t respond. “Just go home and stitch yourself up, yeah?”
“Can I check out the view from the watchtower?” Abby asks quickly before Alvin can turn away from her. The need to just see the other side of the wall suddenly overwhelms her.
Alvin gives her a quick look up and down. “I’m not going to be responsible for ya falling to your death in your state. Just go home and get some sleep. Whatever ya are wanting to see can wait til morning.”
“Please,” Abby moves closer to him. “I promise I’m not going to fall. I just want to see something.”
Alvin is quiet for a second before shrugging. “Whatever, get ya-self killed, I don't care.”
Abby barely spares him a thank you before she is climbing up the ladder. She gets about halfway up before she is rethinking her idea, but she was never one to do things halfway.
If Joel is hiding out in the forest like Abby is coming to suspect, then she should be able to see something, right? It’s winter so there has to be smoke from a fire or a light in a house that shouldn’t be.
There has to be something.
Abby doesn’t know what she expects to see when she finally makes it up to the top of the watchtower. The wooden structure only has enough space for two people to sit up here comfortably with a pair of binoculars resting on the small built-in table. In truth, it reminds her of the WLF’s set-up at the wall; the tower's window openings are largely unobstructed allowing Abby to see the full range of the forest in front of her.
The completely dark forest.
Abby lets out her breath, the cold air creating a cloud in front of her face. As Abby scans the pitch black forest in front of her, all she can concentrate on is the fact that Ellie knew where Joel had been the whole time and said nothing.
Atlanta.
Is Ellie lying about that too?
Abby doesn’t really have anything to go on except her word. Is that even enough now?
Dejected, Abby turns to go back down the ladder. But, before she makes her descent she gives the forest one last look in the hopes that it will give her something she knows she can never have.
That is when she sees it. A small yellow glow through the trees.
Abby rushes back to that small table and snatches the binoculars up so fast she almost punches the table in her haste.
It is small, but unquestioningly a fire being lit in the Lodge a few miles away. Abby knows that this Lodge is a favorite of Tommy’s. She can barely let herself believe what she is seeing. It could just be a regular patroller, but even in the short time that Abby has been here she knows that Jackson doesn’t usually have anyone out on patrol after dark without good reason. And with the winter party happening tonight she doubts this is just a regular patrol.
“Hey Alvin?” Abby calls down. “Is there anyone out on patrol right now?”
Alvin shrugs, “Why?”
”No reason,” Abby says slowly climbing down the ladder her excitement barely contained. “Why aren’t you at the party anyways?”
”Isn’t it obvious?” Alvin smirks, “I don’t like people.”
”But you do like to drink don’t you?”
Alvin laughs, patting his jacket pocket, ”Who says I’m not drinking?”
Abby smiles and admits that she might have misjudged the cranky old man.
* * *
Finding the weakest point in the wall isn’t hard for Abby. She had just spent the better part of the week helping to slowly repair parts of it in between little house repair requests. She had even been there with Tommy when he was told that the wood on the west side had gone soft and was in need of replacement and that was exactly where she finds herself now after a quick stop to the Baltimore’s house to grab her bag and the hidden gun in her room.
Jesse and the others who were at that gate when they first entered had confiscated most of their guns, but those were only the visible or large ones. They were all too busy being baffled by Ellie’s reappearance to really check them over thoroughly. A mistake Abby is thankful for.
Abby knows that Mel and Nora freely handed over all of their smaller weapons, but Abby is sure Owen kept his handgun hidden just like she did. It was still there at the bottom of her bag with a box of bullets under some of her clothes when she checked it before heading out. Abby isn’t even sure if Ellie knew she kept it either. They only really had that one night together before everything went to shit.
The wooden planks were indeed soft. They came off the nail with barely any effort from Abby at all and she was through the hole before she could question what she was doing. Maybe she is not as sober as she should be to be doing this. The thought of waiting until morning to talk with Owen does cross her mind, but she quickly brushes it away. She is done going about this the safe way. She is done waiting around.
The words she said in anger to Ellie in that house feel truer than anything else at the moment. And with everything else Abby just learned, she can’t take Ellie’s word that Joel isn’t out there hiding in one of their outposts anymore. Even if Ellie has been telling the truth then at least she gave her a new lead to follow.
Atlanta.
Stepping through that hole in the gate finalized it for her. Whether Joel is camping out in these woods or in Atlanta it doesn’t matter, she can do this. She will do this. Even if she has to do it alone. Even if everyone in her life has already turned their backs to her. She has to do this. They all can stay here and live out their lives with their new friends or go back to Seattle for all she cares.
She should have done this all herself to begin with. No one here truly has as much at stake as she does. Again that old fear creeps in at the prospect of going face to face with Joel alone and suddenly she is sixteen years old again running through that corridor in Salt Lake City.
But she isn’t a teenager anymore and Abby reminds herself that Joel is just a man.
__________
Joel startles wakes to loud meowing.
Meowing would honestly be putting it nicely, but it did its job of startling him awake. He knows he didn’t get much sleep based on the fact that it is still rather dark outside. The fire had already burned out in his sleep, plunging the room back into the cold.
Joel rubs the sleep from his eyes and looks around for the demon cat only to see her hunched in the corner with her tail puffed out and her hair standing on end.
At first he thought that maybe she was bothered by the horse, but Old Beardy isn’t the first horse Buttons has been in contact with.
“What’s wrong girl,” Joel says, getting off the couch to come closer to her.
As he reaches out to pet her, she hisses and darts past him, jumping into his bag that he had left open when they first got there. It’s an action he has seen many times before during their trip together. It’s what she does when there are infected close by, but they are so close to Jackson it doesn't make sense.
Looking out the large bay windows of the Lodge, Joel doesn’t see any infected, but he has been in enough areas that seem fine only to run face to face with a Bloater to not take the cat's behavior as warning enough.
Joel looks back to his backpack, Buttons little head barely poking up out of the bag. Her ears lay flat against her head as her eyes dart around. For as much as every fiber in his being is yelling at him to grab the cat and make a run for the gate. A different, louder part of himself needs to scout the area and see where and how many infected there are around the area.
He tries to convince himself that this need comes from some kind of noble desire to protect the people of Jackson, but he knows if that were true he would be preparing his own bag for the trip and not be in the process of emptying out the sandwich backpack and stuffing his Molotov cocktails, bullets, and extra handgun in it.
They are close enough to Jackson that someone will be coming to the Lodge in the morning for patrol so Joel sees no issue in leaving the cat safe in his bag while he checks out whatever has spooked the cat.
Best case scenario it is just a lone infected wandering too close to the Lodge, worst case scenario… Joel pushes the thought down. He isn’t scared and it won’t change his mind anyways.
He looks back once as Buttons meows softly, her ears swiveling around.
“I’ll be right back,” Joel whispers, letting the door close behind him with the wind.
* * *
The snow whips around Joel as he makes his way out to the roof of a nearby building. He had made one loop around the Lodge before venturing farther away when he didn’t run into any infected.
Something caused Buttons to act the way she did and Joel has never taken a warning from her lightly.
Joel gets to the edge of the building and at first he doesn’t see anything, just the soft glow of the early morning sun barely starting to rise. This roof top isn’t the highest by any means, but it does give Joel the perfect sight of the forest's edge and a place for him to set up his rifle and scope. It’s nowhere near as good of a rifle as Tommy’s, but it has served Joel well in his travels.
Joel scans the tree line with his scope until movement catches his attention. At first only a few infected dart the perimeter of the forest, nothing he and Tommy haven’t taken care of before just the two of them and Joel is able to down the first pass as easy as he takes a breath. He falls into the rhythm of the movement: release, recoil, reload, release, recoil, reload, release, over and over again, until he has nothing left to reload.
”Shit,” Joel mutters, the infected are still coming. He must have made at least a little dent in the hoard, but there are far too many for one person to handle on their own, much less for one person who has just been traveling through infected lands for the last however long it’s been.
Joel can just barely see Jackson’s walls from here. It’s too far to out run the hoard and warn them, but then again Joel had once told himself that he would never step foot in Jackson again without Ellie.
“I guess I was right,” Joel whispers, his decision long since made, “Goodbye Tommy.”
If Joel is going to go down he is going to take down as many of these infected as he can. Looking through his scope one last time to see exactly what he is up against, Joel sees something he would have never expected to see in the early winter morning.
At first Joel thinks it might just be another infected, maybe a Runner who is just a little faster than the rest, if it weren't for the fact that the figure turns around quickly to fire off a few shots killing the closest infected without breaking their stride as they run. It’s hard to tell in what direction the figure is running from, but knowing Tommy he could have sent someone early in the morning to see if Joel was already at the Lodge or not. Or maybe Jackson did know about the hoard and sent someone to investigate how big it was. It’s not an uncommon practice that Jackson has.
Joel tries to get a look at the figure to see if he knows them, but all he can really see is a long braid swinging behind them as they run.
* * *
Joel barely gets to the girl in time.
The chain link fence keeping all of the infected at bay is breaking and a runner is able to partially make it through, grappling with the person Joel saw through his scope not a few minutes before.
Joel shoots the creature in the head at close range.
“Give me your hand.” He yells over the growls and gnashing of the other infected. “We are going to have to run. There are too many of them. I’ll cover you. Through that building.”
He doesn’t look to make sure the girl goes, but when he turns around to follow her he sees her up ahead throwing a molotov cocktail at a group of infected coming down the hallway of the building he was just on top of.
“Oh shit. This way come on.” Joel waves her through a different door and together they push a fallen vending machine in front of the door right as the infected get to them.
Stepping away from the door he can still hear them banging on the other side.
Turning to the girl in the momentary safety of the room, he asks, “You okay?”
“Yeah,” the girl whispers, shock clear in her voice. “Where the hell did they all come from?”
“It don’t matter.” Joel walks further into the rundown building. The infected already blocking off the pathway he is most familiar with. “What does matter is where we’re going.”
“And where is that?” the girl asks following close behind him.
“I reckon we can go out the back and make a break for the Lodge. You still have bullets in that gun?”
The girl quickly checks her chamber, “Yeah.”
“Don’t waste them,” Joel says more gruffly than he intended as he moves through the building, “You better keep up.”
Not for the first time does Joel find his plans changing swiftly for the sake of a girl he just met, but whoever this girl is she must have been coming from Jackson. Whether Tommy was the one sending her or not doesn’t matter; she was now Joel's responsibility and he would make sure that nothing happened to her.
The infected were loud enough for Joel to be able to hear them even with the limitations of his bad ear hindering him. “Watch them windows.”
Turning around to make sure the girl was heeding his words and staying away from the windows, he watches as she rippes a pipe out of a hole in a connecting wall. She stops abruptly when she sees him staring at her.
“Smart,” Joel says, trying to piece together if this girl really came from Jackson and if so how long has she been there for?
”It’s better than wasting bullets. I only have the one gun.”
Joel nods as they walk together. “Why in the world did you come out here with only one gun? What are you doing out here anyways?”
Just as he asks the question an infected climbs up and halfway out of a window. The girl wastes no time in completely decapitating the creature in two swings.
”Is now really the time for questions?” The girl asks as another infected struggles to climb over its fallen companion and into the room, “We gotta live through this first.”
Joel hates to admit it, but she is right. All of his questions can wait until they are safely out of danger
“We gotta move then,” He says, opening fire on the incoming infected. “Get to the door.”
Joel covers the girl once again as she runs to the door swinging her pipe at any infected that comes her way as she clears the open room with ease. They both make it through to the next room and quickly shove a cabinet in front of the doors as a barricade.
”That’s not going to hold them back for long.” She says backing up from the door.
”Hey,” Joel stops her, handing over his shotgun, “Take this.”
The girl takes it, her eyebrows furrowed slightly as she does so, but she quickly moves away from him into the open space of the ski lift station.
Joel's eyes scan the room looking for any way out of their situation. The route he took here already lost to the infected.
“This window.” He says. “If we can find something to get up there it could be our way out of here.”
”You see a way up there?” The girl asks, her eyes already scanning the room.
“Here we can use this.” Joel says, grabbing a nearby cart and moving quickly to a downed gondola. The girl following close behind him. “Help me push it up onto the cart.”
The girls nods, getting into position as they both work to push the gondola up onto the cart. All around them the sounds of infected ring in the open space.
“They’re getting inside.” The girl says quickly shooting an infected as it comes rushing at her.
“Save your bullets. I’ll keep the infected off of you. You just focus on getting this thing over to that window.”
Joel doesn’t stop to see if she agrees with him as he opens fire at the few infected that manage to make it up the slope of the mountain and into the ski lift station. He is able to target most of them as they come in with ease, but an unexpected wave of them enter together and few slip past him while he is busy fighting off their friends in close quarters.
“God damn it.” The girl yells as Joel is finally able to dispatch the few infected that had briefly overpowered him. “Get this infected off of me.”
Quickly turning around to the sound of her voice, Joel sees her grappling with an infected, trying to get enough distance between them for her to take a shot at the beast.
Joel comes up behind the infected and is able to grip the creature by the little hair left on his scalp and throw the infected to the ground before shooting the thing in its ugly face.
He sees the momentary fear flash through her eyes before she is once again slipping on her tough mask. It was a small moment, but it was enough to crack a small part of Joel. This was someone’s child, someone’s daughter, and Joel will get her out of here if it was the last thing he does on this earth.
“You ok?” Joel says, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Need me to take over?”
”I got it.” She shakes her head, anger clear in her eyes, but Joel can see the fear hiding right under the surface. “Just keep those infected away.”
Joel nods his head, silently vowing to keep a closer eye out on her.
More infected make their way into the room. Each of them goes down as quickly as Joel can get a hit on them.
”They're getting in, hurry up,” He yells over his shoulder as he takes down another wave.
“I got it! Come on!” The girl yells, climbing up the side of the gondola.
The declaration comes at the perfect time as the door finally gives way to the hoard pounding on it. The girl bends down, easily grasping Joel’s hand to help him climb up easier and if he had the time to process anything he would have been impressed with the ease with which she was able to lift him up.
“Thanks,” He says gruffly, “We gotta jump.”
Joel doesn’t look to make sure she comes after him, but he does hear her land roughly right next to him.
“I gotcha,” Joel says, rushing over to her and helping her up, “Come on, stick close. We aren’t out of this yet.”
Joel’s eyes scan the girl up and down, pausing briefly on the girl's legs, but when she takes a few steps without limping he lets out a deep breath and tries to shake off the mental imagery of a different twisted leg.
She isn’t Sarah. Joel thinks as they both start to run. She isn’t Ellie.
The sound of the infected still follows them.
“Where are we going?” the girl yells, dodging infected, “they're everywhere”
“Don’t slow down!” Joel yells, shooting an infected running too close to her. “Head for those doors.”
Joel is right behind her shooting more infected as they get closer. The girl bursts through the door first closely followed by Joel and quickly uses her body weight to keep the door closed until Joel is able to grab a plank to barricade them in and most importantly the infected out.
“That ain’t going to hold.” Joel keeps his gun trained on the door. “We gotta go back out there.”
”We can’t outrun them all the way to Jackson.”
“So you are from Jackson,” Joel mutters, “I thought you might’ve been.”
”Yeah,” She says quietly, “I've only been there a week though. Is now really the time for this?”
Joel hums, he can’t lie, she does have a point. “Tommy left me a horse, but there’s no way it can make it all the way to the gate.”
“The only other place I know that might still be safe is a mansion just north of here. When my friends and I first came we camped there for a few days, it's fenced off and has two Humvees full of gas there. Worst case scenario we can use the Humvees to bulldoze our way through the infected back to Jackson, but we have to move now before more come.”
“The Baldwin place.” Joal mutters, grabbing his backpack and quickly checking on Buttons still curled at the bottom of the bag somehow more tightly curled into a ball then he has ever seen her. “That could work. We’ll have to ride together. I’ll get the door.”
With no time to repack, Joel throws his original backpack over the one he had been using and opens the barn style door at the back of the lodge. Thankfully the infected haven’t reached that side of the Lodge yet.
“Come on,” He says, hopping onto Old Beardy’s back, wasting no time in reaching a hand down to help the girl climb up and settle behind him.
“Hyah!” Joel yells, kicking the sides of the horse and the pair are out of the Lodge before the main door is busted in and infected can come charging after them.
Old Beardy is by no means a young stallion any more, but they do manage to lose the majority of the hoard as they head for Baldwin’s place. It’s hard for Joel to tell if they also managed to lead them away from the town as well or not. Surely someone must have seen and reported an elevated sighting of infected in the area, a hoard like this doesn’t just appear overnight.
But Joel doesn’t have time to think about yelling at Tommy for the obvious slip in the patrollers performance as a small group of Runners find them. It’s hard to tell if these infected are an offshoot of the larger group they just escaped from, but it doesn’t matter.
As the mansion comes into view Joel can see that the gate is closed.
“You’re going to need to jump off and get the fence opened as soon as we get close.” Joel yells over his shoulder barely seeing the girl's head nod out of the corner of his eye.
“Now!” he yells, feeling the girl’s body leave his back. He makes a quick tight circle pulling out his pistol and fires out three shoots in quick succession.
“It’s open!” The girl yells and Joel pulls at Old Beardy’s raids as the horse turns once again to the mansion. Jumping down from Old Beardy himself after making it safely inside, he sees the girl securing the gate before whipping out the shotgun he gave her and blowing off the head of the closet infected.
“Save your ammo,” Joel yells, throwing a lit molotov cocktail at the group. He had three in his bag, but after throwing two, the small group of infected are taken care of.
“You okay?” He asks. The girl is breathing heavily as he comes up to her clearly still in shock at the whole situation they were just in. There isn’t much Joel can do for her out here in the cold so he gives her a quick pat on the shoulder. “Let’s get inside."
The girl nods her head, eyes lingering on the burnt infected as she follows him into the house.
“I usually at least know people's names before getting into life threatening situations with them.” Joel tries to joke, but he can feel it falling flat.
”I’m Abby,” She says, reaching out a hand for him to shake. “Thanks for getting me out of there.”
Joel waves her off without shaking her hand and sets down his two bags by the couch. “It’s nothing. You said you're from Jackson right? Tommy, send you out here to get me?”
Joel is finally able to get a good look at her as he watches her rub at her neck and roll her shoulder in a half nod, half shrug motion. She looks strong and judging from what he saw of her performance with the infected, very capable in a fight. Joel has always been a bit more skeptical than his brother when it comes to inviting new people into the Jackson community, but he can see why his brother would welcome someone like her into town. It still doesn’t explain why Tommy would send her to get him alone in the dead of night though, but Tommy always did tell him that he can be a bit distrustful of everyone when he first comes back to town after a long time away. He is always joking around, saying that not everyone on the planet is out to kill Joel and that he is not that important, so Joel tries to push down his reservations.
“You think any infected got in?” The girl, Abby, asks.
Joel shakes his head, “The gate looked undisturbed when we came. You said you were here a week ago?”
Abby slowly nods, her loose braid falling around her head.
“Then no I don’t think any infected came through here just yet.” Joel settles on the couch next to his bag tired from his broken sleep the previous night. Pulling the bag closer to himself he takes out the bottle of whiskey he saved from the Lodge and holds it up to her. “You want some?”
Abby lets out a half laugh, grabbing the bottle from his hands, “Yeah I think this moment calls for it,” She whispers loud enough for Joel to hear and takes a large swig, before handing it back to him and wiping her bangs away from her face, revealing a cut on her forehead.
“You okay?” He waves to her forehead. “Looks like it needs a good cleaning and maybe a stitch or two if you don’t want to risk infection. And trust me you don’t want to risk an infection”
The girl’s hand raises to her forehead like she forgot all about the cut there. Maybe she doesn’t even remember getting it in the first place, but she nods when Joel pulls out his first aid kit and settles next to him on the couch.
“It’s still a little early for partols to be coming out, but you were right, taking the Humvees to the gate would be safer.” Joel says as he cleans and stitches the cut on her forehead. Her eyes never leave him as he does so until she winces when he cuts off the string. “Sorry, don’t have much practice doing this to someone else.”
Abby just nods her head and brings her hand up to her forehead. Joel awkwardly searches inside of his bag for a clean cloth he can use as a baggage for her, but he comes up empty handed. Abby’s eyes seem far away as she sits there and Joel can’t help but to think of a different girl who used to sit and stare off into space much the same way. He knows what would cheer that girl up.
“Hey, what do you call a rude cow?” Joel asks, fighting back a small chuckle. The girl’s eyebrows furrow pulling at the stitches he just made, but it also succeeds in pulling her out of her thoughts. He holds up the leftover jerky he found in his bag. “Beef jerky. You want some?”
The girl only frowns deeper and Joel can tell that her mind is still miles away, but she does take the food he offers her and he watches as she takes a few bites. Joel can’t help but think how much Ellie would have loved that one and he feels a sharp pain cut into his chest at the thought.
Abby is not Ellie. He reminds himself.
“Ok,” Joel clears his throat, standing up from the couch, “We shouldn’t stay here too long. We can see if there’s a radio or something in the house to get in touch with Jackson about getting a clean up crew out here for those infected. I have no idea where that hoard came from. I barely ran into any infected since hitting the outer circle of Jackson’s patrol routes.”
“Where were you traveling in from?” The girl asks, suddenly seeming more focused in the present and following him around the mansion. “I didn’t know Jackson had an outer circle of patrol routes.”
Joel’s back is to her as he opens the door lead up to the main part of the mansion when he says, “I’m just coming back from Georgia is all---”
The last thing he remembers before his body is falling up the stairs and darkness enters his vision is a shock of pain shooting through the base of his skull.
Notes:
I know another cliff hanger, you can say it I suck. lol
Thank you for reading!
And thank you all once again for your continued patience and support for this story it truly mean more then I can say.
I am still not sure when I'll be able to get to the next chapter out as my writing and sleep schedule continues to be all out of sorts, but I will be trying to post updates and proof of life snippets for the next chapter on Tumbler so if you want to follow me there feel free to.
Preview to next chapter:
Ellie’s loyalty is put to the test.
Chapter 34: chapter 34
Summary:
*Crawls out behind boulder.*
*Slowly stands up.*Hey everyone, I know its been the hottest of minutes since I last updated. Trust me it hurt me too. But I am really happy with the way this chapter turned out so I hope you all think that it was worth the wait.
This story was inspired by “Both Sides Now” by fuckingvideogames.
If you have the resources please consider donating to a Palestinian relief funds like Palestine Children's Relief Fund or others. Peace and love. Enjoy!
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
It takes a long time for Ellie to move from her spot on the floor after Abby storms out of the house.
Joel’s house.
She can’t believe that she had been stupid enough to bring her here of all places. And tonight of all nights, when they were finally starting to come back together. When things were finally starting to be okay again with Abby.
Owen was right, because of course he was. And Ellie wants to be mad about that, to blame Owen for interrupting her that morning when she had taken Abby to that view overlooking Jackson, but she can’t. She can’t bring herself to get mad at him when there were so many other times she could have, should have , chosen to come clean.
Ellie should have told her everything back while they were still at the Stadium.
About Riley.
About her immunity.
About Sam and Henry.
About that whole year of her life.
And most importantly… about Joel.
She should have told her right after Christmas or at any point on the road to Jackson.
And she wanted to.
She had turned it over in her head probably a million times, but she could never find the right words. Opening up like that would mean risking everything she had built at the Stadium, but keeping quiet risks Joel’s life.
If Owen hadn't interrupted them on that overlook she might have been able to stumble her way through the whole story. But if Ellie is being honest with herself she was just afraid. Too afraid of telling the person she loves that her mortal enemy is the only person that had ever stuck by Ellie’s side in her childhood. Too afraid of telling Abby that the real person she should hate is Ellie herself, because she knows that Joel wouldn’t have killed Jerry if it didn’t have something to do with her.
Too afraid of losing the only people aside from Joel or Riley that has ever really felt like family.
It’s not just the fear of losing Abby. It’s also the fear of losing everyone she has come to know in Seattle. Even when Ellie had first come to Jackson, she still always felt a little apart from the rest. A little too fucked up to connect with people easily. She wasn’t like Jesse; with his two loving parents and a childhood protected by the whole fucking community of Jackson. And she wasn’t adaptable like Dina.
She can’t lose any more people.
As much as she tried to leave Joel behind her, she had never quite been able to. Abby wasn’t entirely wrong in her accusation either. That was her plan after Owen had interrupted them on that outlook. If she could make them think that Joel had left then this lead could go cold and things could go back to normal again. It was why she had been so adamant that she should talk with Tommy alone. It was why she told Jesse not to say Joel’s name. It was a shitty plan, but it was the only plan she had.
It didn’t matter now. Everything was blown to shit and back. No matter how hard she had tried to keep that bomb from going off, all it did was make the blast so much worse in the end.
When Ellie does finally move, it’s not to chase after Abby like she should. Like she would have done if she thought there was any possibility of reasoning with her right now. No, Ellie doesn’t make any move towards the door, instead all she can do is focus on that deep crack in the glass cutting right through Joel's face from when Abby had dropped the frame carelessly onto the floor. Ellie finds herself moving towards it before she can fully register that her feet are moving at all.
Ellie remembers drawing the picture. She remembers being nervous that he would laugh at her or call the drawing stupid.
He never did.
She had given it to him as a thank you after months of tirelessly trying to teach her the guitar and how to swim. Never once had he shown any kind of frustration at her. Through the whole process he was just as stoic and unyielding as ever. Saying that she had to work on her confidence and not be afraid of breaking the strings. And it all came together one day and she was able to suffer her way through her first song with him by her side.
The drawing had been just a small way for her to show her thanks and love when she was never really sure if she was allowed to. If those emotions were reciprocated or not she could never tell. Joel and her never said those words. Sometimes she felt like more of a burden than anything else. Just someone taking up space in a garage. But then he would do something like rip out a bathroom mirror in his house and reinstall it in her studio and for a moment it would make her feel like she might be something more than just cargo to him now.
She remembers barging in one day angry about something and wanting to complain about it to Joel, but all those thoughts drifted out of her head when she saw that drawing framed on the fireplace. They never talked about it, but small pictures of the two of them started to fill up his house and still they never talked about it.
Ellie gingerly picks the broken frame up off the floor and places it carefully back on the mantle, something in her shatters as her finger gently traces the crack in the glass.
If she presses harder would she bleed? Ellie thinks Would it hurt? She deserves to hurt.
For as long as Ellie has been back in Jackson, she has tried to push down the very real possibility that Joel could just be gone for good. Looking at the broken frame, all she can think about is his dead body lying out somewhere for the animals to feast on and it makes her sick.
When she first left two years ago there was always some part of her that thought he would be better off without her, that he would forget all about her. But he obviously never did.
He never forgot about her. He never stopped trying to find her.
She tries to lock the feeling and the images back up, but she can’t anymore. There is too much she wants to say to Joel for him to just be dead. There are too many unanswered questions. It is all just too much.
Ellie swallows thickly as she finally turns to leave the fireplace. If she stands there staring for too long she is going to start crying again and she just can’t allow herself to do that.
Other than those first two nights in town, Ellie hasn’t given herself the time to look around Joel’s house, but she finds herself doing so now. If for no other reason than not wanting to run into anyone and answer why Abby isn’t with her. She had always admired the built-in bookcase behind his couch, even if his books focused more on wood carving, cooking, birds, hunting, and life at sea than anything she was actually interested in. She remembers Joel sitting on the couch reading whenever she would come in to complain to him about something stupid.
Ellie stops halfway across the room when she sees a pamphlet for the Wyoming Museum of Science and History just sitting there on the bookshelf, like it was something he might have been looking at before he left for the last time. Her hand reaches out without conscious effort
“I can’t believe you kept this.” Ellie whispers to herself without much heat to the words as she picks it up.
A slamming of a door across the street startles Ellie and she whips her head around just fast enough to see Abby’s braid disappear into the Baltimore’s old house. If Abby saw her through the front window of Joel’s house Ellie wouldn’t know. As much as Ellie would love nothing more than to go over there and fully explain herself, she just can’t bring herself to cross that street. She can’t bring herself to confront Abby again tonight. The night itself has already been too much with the fight at the Bison and now this.
All Ellie had wanted to do was take care of Abby’s cut and go bed with her one last time before telling her everything in the morning when they were both sober and clear headed. But Ellie had never seen Abby that mad before. It had never crossed her mind how easily Abby could hurt her both physically and emotionally, but she has to acknowledge the pure strength that Abby possesses and the very real possibility that if Abby wanted to truly hurt her she could.
And easily at that.
Leaving the pamphlet on the bookshelf, Ellie leaves the room turning away from the front door in favor of going out to the back porch. She barely pauses to listen to the windchimes before continuing to her old studio.
The door opens easily as Ellie enters, letting the door close behind her. The room is exactly like she remembers seeing it that first night back. The bed is still unmade, still clearly slept in. Something about the image calms her; makes her think that maybe Joel is still out there safe somewhere, even if she can’t actually make herself fully believe that.
Walking into her old studio feels like walking back in time. Like she never went to Salt Lake City and Seattle after that. Like she could exit the studio right now and see Joel making his evening coffee through the kitchen window.
Like she never met Abby in the first place.
The thought leaves a sour taste in her mouth that she tries to swallow down as she moves further into the room.
Kneeling by the bed, Ellie reaches under and pulls out an old shoe box. It’s an unassuming thing, just brown with a lid, the logo long since faded, with a thin layer of dust collecting on top.
Ellie dusts it off as she stands, walking to her old couch where she sits, takes a deep breath, and removes the lid.
The contents of the box are exactly what she remembers. The museum pamphlet sits on top just like the one on Joel’s bookshelf. She takes it out, a small sad smile graces her lips as she puts it on the coffee table. Old drawings and small mementos from her past in Jackson slowly make their way out of the shoe box until all of her happiest memories can be seen scattered onto her old coffee table. All of them tied to Joel in one way or another. Her first guitar pick, a wooden dinosaur that Joel had made her – ‘just for practice’– and of course…
The cassette.
Slowly Ellie reaches in and takes it out. She runs her finger over the words in his handwriting.
Happy Birthday
Love Joel
Ellie clutches the cassette close to her heart, eyes shut tight.
“You're such an asshole,” she whispers, a tear leaks from the corner of her eye as she lays down on the couch.
* * *
The bitter cold of a winter wind hits Ellie in the chest as she steps out of her old studio. She must have only slept for a few hours, the sun barely creating a dint in the hazy gray morning as she slowly walks away from the comforting shadow of Joel’s house.
Ellie tucks her hands into her pockets, slowly running her fingertips across the face of the cassette. If she concentrates hard enough on the surface she swears that she can almost feel Joel’s message etched there.
Happy Birthday
Love Joel …
Love Joel…
She should have put the cassette back with the rest of her memories. She should have left it here… laid him to rest in her old shoe box. But she can’t do that. So instead the cassette finds a new home in one of the pockets of her jacket where her thumb rubs across the lettering.
Ellie is halfway across the street when she realizes that she hasn’t actually planned what she is going to say to Abby yet, but the time for planning has long since passed.
The Baltimore’s house is quiet when Ellie walks in. Glancing at her watch, Ellie can see that it is too early even for patrols and the door to Abby’s room is closed. Sighing, Ellie makes herself comfortable on the couch in the living room, content to wait patiently until Abby is awake and ready to talk. Before her eyes can drift closed once again a slight creak of a door opening fills the room and Ellie is sitting up, back straight, her eyes locked onto Abby’s bedroom, waiting for the door to open, but it never does.
“Hey,” the sound of Owen’s voice coming from the opposite side of her startles Ellie so bad that she jumps slightly in her seat. “So you two made up, I take it.”
Ellie deflates as Owen takes his seat in the chair across from her.
“Not really. I mean we did for a minute there, but I…” Ellie takes a breath, “She knows… About Joel.”
Owen nods, “I take it she didn’t take it well.”
“That would be putting it lightly.” Ellie snorts, rubbing her palms quickly over her eyes and sinking back into the cushions of the couch as Owen moves to sit across from her in the plush chair next to the fireplace.
“Man, I’m sorry. But at least you told her. I’m sure it was hard for her to hear, but you told her. That has to count for something.”
Ellie turns her head away from Owen, her right hand moving to massage her left pinky.
“You were the one to tell her right?” Owen asks. “She didn’t find out through someone else, did she?”
“I got the houses mixed up,” Ellie whispers, the soft soothing massage turns into a harsh grasp as she squeezes her pinky and ring fingers together. “It shouldn’t have happened, but it was like…autopilot or something... When we got there… she put the pieces together… and stormed out before I could… explain.”
“And you didn’t follow her?”
Ellie shakes her head, refusing to meet his gaze.
“So…” Owen says slowly, “If she is not with you, then where is she?”
‘’What do you mean?” She asks, finally looking at him head on, her eyebrows knitting together. “I saw her come in last night still fuming, so I stayed away to give her some space.”
“I mean by the time Manny and I came home last night it was super late. Beans was pawing at the front door and her bedroom was wide open. I had assumed she was still with you somewhere hiding from Maria.”
“What?” Ellie says getting up from the couch and bargaining into Abby’s room, Owen right behind her.
Ellie isn’t sure what she had expected to see, but it was not Beans curled up on the floor, nose so close to the door that she almost hit her on her way in. Owen had been right, Abby isn’t there laying on the bed asleep like Ellie thought she would be. In fact, the bed is still made up in that militaristic way of hers with the corners folded over in a way that Ellie could never get just right.
Ellie’s eyes quickly scan the room looking for any sign that Abby had just stepped out for a moment, but other than Beans it’s empty. Too Empty. “Her bag is gone.”
“It’s not like she could have gone that far,” Owen says, putting a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sure she’ll be back soon.”
Before Ellie can say anything, the creaking of the front door opening sounds through the house and for the briefest of moments she thinks that Owen is right and that Abby came back.
But when the door fully opens, it isn’t Abby at all.
Nora, for her part, does seem to be trying to sneak in as quietly as she can. Her hair is just a bit tousled, her clothes wrinkled and the lower half of her face paint is smeared in certain places.
Nora stops in her tracks when she sees them, clearly not expecting anyone to be up this early in the day. ”Um…Morning?”
”Are you just now getting in from the party?” Ellie asks.
”That’s a little obvious, don’t you think?” Nora pops out a hip.
Owen wiggles his eyebrows. “What have you been doing? Or rather who?”
”Not now.” Ellie elbows him a little in the side. “Did you see Abby anywhere this morning?”
“Morning? No,” Nora says. “But I did see her last night at the gate talking to some guy.”
Ellie barely lets Nora finish her sentence before she is rushing past her out the door.
What the fuck was Abby doing at the gate last? Abby couldn’t have just left, but then why would her bag be gone? She wouldn’t go all the way to Atlanta by herself.
Would she?
“Ellie slow down!” Owen yells, running after her.
“I can’t, Owen.”
Catching up to her, Owen pulls her to a stop not far from the main gate and the Tipsy Bison. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Ellie can’t stand to look him in the eye, instead her focus stays fixed on Beans who must have followed them out of the house. Her crystal blue eyes looking up into Ellie’s.
“Ellie–”
“Last night… she might have gotten it in her head that Joel could be out there in the woods somewhere. She thought that I had been using patrols as some kind of way to hang out with him or something.”
Out of the corner of her eye she can see him nod.
“Is he?” He asks, letting go of her arm. “Have you been?”
Ellie’s head shoots up to stare at him a little hurt by the assumption. “No! He’s…” She can’t bring herself to say it. The word echoes in her head unspoken. That thing Tommy swears isn’t true, but she knows.
Ellie’s eyes dart around the snow covered streets of Jackson. She can hear the soft crunching of footsteps on freshly fallen snow, but she doesn’t look around to see who is up this early, “He’s already de–”
“Ellie!” Tommy’s voice cheerfully interrupts her, “Abby didn’t have to get you up first thing in the morning. I thought I would have more time to get everything ready.”
”Everything ready?” Ellie is slow to process exactly what he is saying to her as his arm loops around her shoulder and she looks up at him. “What?”
The joy in his eyes dim as an air of confusion overtakes him. “Did she not tell you what I asked her yesterday? Oh well you’re here now come on.”
”Tommy, what is going on?”
“Oh, um well.” Tommy finally seems to recognize Owen standing close to them. “Maybe we should talk about this privately.”
“I’ll ah, wait out here for you then,” Owen says. “Probably for the best. Keep Beans out of trouble and all that.”
Ellie nods as Tommy leads her into the Bison.
The Tipsy Bison is surprisingly clean. Aside from a few noticeably missing chairs, a new dent in the bar table, and the broken window—one could hardly tell that there had been a fight here last night. Though it is hard to tell if the few people milling about are here for an early breakfast before patrols start or if they have been here cleaning since the night before.
Ellie tries not to think about last night as Tommy leads her through the few people gathered in the Bison and into the back office where Maria is already sitting at the desk.
“You know Seth’s nose is broken,” Maria says, not looking up from her papers on the desk.
Ellie has to fight not to roll her eyes too aggressively. “Is that why I’m here, Tommy? Seth deserved worse than just a broken nose.”
“Hey now. You and I both know that.” Tommy interrupts. “But that’s not why I wanted to talk with ya in private.”
Tommy pulls out a chair for Ellie to sit on and she reluctantly does, sinking into the rough leather. “Can whatever this is be quick? I have to find Abby.”
Tommy’s eyebrows scrunch, “Lady trouble?”
“Can we just get this over with?”
“Fine, fine,” Tommy says, moving over to the other side of the desk next to Maria, placing a light hand on her shoulder. “I was going to wait until he came, but Maria here didn’t think you would take too kindly to the surprise considering how you reacted when you first came in.”
“What are you talking about?” Ellie asks.
Maria gives Tommy a small nod when he looks her way. Ellie tries to brace herself for whatever he is about to say.
“Joel’s on his way back.”
All the air leaves Ellie’s body at Tommy’s words. Five simple words. They shouldn’t have the effect they do on her, but they do. No matter how many times Tommy insists that Joel was alive, Ellie always had a hard time believing him.
When Tommy first told her that Joel had left Jackson, it felt like some kind of sign. A sign that she was never meant to see Joel again if she stayed with Abby. And as much as that hurts, Ellie knows that keeping Abby and Joel as far away from each other as possible was the only way to keep them both safe. So it became easier to just give into the thought that Joel had already passed.
As these thoughts spun around in her head, Tommy hadn’t stopped talking, “He radioed yesterday saying that he should be at the gate this morning. I know you said that you didn’t want the rest of them to know about Joel and you. But I just think you two outta talk this thing out.”
“What?” Ellie stands abruptly to pace around the small office. Finally, for the first time this morning her mind fully catches up to what is happening in front of her. It’s like a freight train is coming full force ready to hit her and there is nothing that she can do to get out of the way.
Joel is actually out there somewhere in the forest just like Abby thought.
And Abby… Abby could be anywhere.
“No, no he can’t come here.” Ellie’s breathing accelerates with each sentence. “You have to send word out to wherever Joel is right now and tell him to stay there until we’re gone.”
Tommy and Maria share a look that Ellie cannot decipher.
“Ellie,” Tommy says, coming back around the desk. “Are you in some kind of trouble?”
“What? No, I'm fine.” Ellie can’t stop moving. “But they can’t know that he is here.”
“Ellie,” Maria cuts in for the first time since Tommy started talking. “Why don’t you want them to know that Joel is back?
Ellie doesn’t say anything as she tucks her head away from Maria’s prying eyes. Finally pausing in her pacing, her mind, racing to come up with some kind of explanation for everything. Something that will allow her to get out of here and find Abby as fast as she can.
“I will only be asking you this once.” Maria says, interrupting Ellie’s thoughts. Her voice is shockingly calm. “What aren’t you telling us?”
Ellie raises and turns her head to finally look Maria in her eyes for the first time since entering her office. Maria always did have a way of knowing when to push for more information and when to back off. Maria’s eyes soften as she takes in Ellie’s appearance. Ellie isn’t sure what Maria is really seeing at this moment, but she is sure her clothes are wrinkled and her eyes must be puffy and red from the night before. Her gaze isn’t judgemental or angry. If anything Maria just looks a little tired.
A tiredness that Ellie can relate to. Because Ellie is tired, so tired from trying to keep everything together while also keeping everyone separate at the same time. No matter how hard she tried to keep the bomb from going off all it did was make the blast that much worse.
Ellie no longer has any semblance of a plan, much less an explanation. There never really was a plan in the first place for her to follow and in this moment, looking Maria in her soft brown eyes, it all crashes into Ellie.
Joel is here.
Joel is alive .
And Abby is somewhere out there angry over Ellie not telling her the truth.
“They’re ex Fireflies.” The words exit Ellie’s body almost painfully, but once they are out, the next can’t be stopped. “Joel did some really fucked up shit when we were in Salt Lake City. They learned that Tommy was here from some traders a while back. They’re looking for Joel and they want revenge.”
“So you lead them here.” Maria cuts in.
“They would have come with or without me. Trust me if I wasn’t here… ” Ellie closes her eyes, shaking her head. “I don’t want to think about what they might have done to get information about him.”
Tommy is quiet. Too quiet.
Ellie can’t bring herself to look up at him. To see the moment he will decide to kick her out, but even with that fear running through her head Ellie also feels a lightness. Like a heavy weight has been lifted off her chest and she can breathe again.
Ellie sits back in her chair, defeated. “You don’t know what he did to those people at the hospital. If they find out that Joel is here they will kill him. I can’t say I don’t understand why they’d want to…” Ellie herself has already cycled through her anger at him during her time away in Seattle, always landing more on the side of sadness than pure hatred. Even with all the time separating them, if someone were to kill Joel and Ellie had any kind of lead as to who did it then she also would want to avenge him. So Ellie could never truly blame Abby for wanting Joel dead, no matter how much it hurts her to think about. She had thought that maybe if Abby got to know him as someone other than the man that killed her father then she might change her mind. It was always a foolish thought and a risk Ellie is no longer willing to take. She can deal with Abby hating her for the rest of her life. What she can’t handle is Abby killing Joel. “But I can’t let that happen. They can’t know that he is close. So please just tell him to stay wherever he is until we leave.”
“I know damn well what he did in Salt Lake City,” Tommy’s voice starts out low, but slowly gains volume with each sentence. Ellie lifts her head from her hands to stare at Tommy as he speaks. “He has spent the past two fuckin’ years chasing ghosts and looking for any kind of a lead that even hints at the whereabout of the Fireflies to try and find you .”
“I never wanted him to come looking for me.” Ellie cuts in.
Tommy only gets louder as he speaks over her, “And every time… Every single time he leaves I wonder if it’s the last time I’ll see him… Do you know what that’s like? And here you are. Safe and sound bringing people that would want nothing more than to see him dead on the floor. Does he mean that little to you?”
“Of course I care about him!” Ellie says, matching his tone, “It doesn’t change the fact that he lied to my fucking face for two whole fucking years! I had to go to Salt Lake City just to find out what happened there and you knew all along. You knew what he did this whole time. They were going to make a cure!”
“Joel never cared about a Goddamn cure. He cared about you! Do you really think he wouldn’t do everything in his power to keep you safe?”
“I cared about making the cure!” Ellie yells, “And he killed the only doctors that could do it.”
Ellie takes a breath, lowering her voice again before continuing, “You can think that I don’t care about him all you want, but I do. Which is why this lead for Joel has to dry up. If that means I’ll never see him again then that is the sacrifice I’ll make. To keep him safe.”
“Don’t pretend you’re doing him some kind of favor.” Tommy says bitterly. “Reckon it's easy to forget about Joel when you’re sitting all comfy, way out there in Seattle.There is going to come a point when you will have to decide which is more important to you. Some fling or family.”
“Abby’s not a fling.”
“So you’ve already made your choice,” Tommy says, looking her up and down. “Get your friends and get out.”
“Tommy…” Ellie says, watching him turn to leave.
“I’m getting Joel,” Tommy says looking back at her from the doorway of the office. “You better not still be here when I come back.”
Ellie moves to follow him out of the office, but a hand on her shoulder stops her. When Ellie turns around Maria is shaking her head. Ellie had almost forgotten that Maria was sitting there behind her desk watching and listening to their whole exchange. Ellie stiffens, bracing herself.
“I knew you were hiding something,” Maria says, shaking her head. “But this is something else Ellie.”
Ellie’s jaw clenches. “I get it Maria, I fucked up..”
“That’s true.” Maria lets go of Ellie’s shoulder and leans back against her desk. “You could have told us everything up front when you first got here.”
“Yeah, that would have gone over real well,” Ellie mutters.
“Tommy just needs time. He said a lot of things in anger just now. Only half of which he actually meant.”
Ellie breathes out a short soft laugh, barely a quick exhale out of her nose as she eyes Maria. “We still need to leave though.”
“I’m not stopping you, but I don’t want you leaving here thinking that you can’t come back. Jackson will always have a place for you.”
“Just not the ex Fireflies, right?”
Maria's head barely nods, almost an involuntary motion, but it is enough for Ellie to know that while she might still have a home here if she wants it, not everyone she cares about will. And definitely not Abby.
Ellie leaves Maria’s office and the Tipsy Bison in a daze, a gaping hole in her chest. She can barely register the faces of the people she once knew talking and laughing in the early morning light.
Stepping down the few steps of the Tipsy Bison’s porch, Ellie allows herself this short moment to take in the place that had always welcomed her one last time. Jackson had been good to her during her stay, if not a little boring. Ellie’s eyes drift over the town square as more people start to lazily file out onto the street to start their day and she can’t deny that she will miss this place. These quiet, calm mornings that are always so abundant in Jackson. Ellie has a fleeting thought of going off to find Joel one last time, but her eyes land on a figure leaving through the gate on horseback and Ellie knows she doesn’t have the time or the strength to do that.
She doesn’t see Owen until he comes up right next to her, Beans at his heel.
“We have a problem.” Owen says taking her by the arm and leading her away from the crowd gathering to grab some food before they go out on patrol or to their work assignments. “There’s a hole near the south gate. Beans lead me there. I think she was following Abby’s scent.”
Ellie tries to shake herself out of her daze, but his words feel slow in her mind. Like she is hearing everything from underwater. Beans helps a little as she comes to nose at Ellie’s hand. As Ellie’s fingers card through the soft fur behind Bean’s ear the world starts to feel more solid around her and Owen’s words finally catch up to her mind.
Abby is gone.
Does she know Joel is out there in the woods? Did she overhear Tommy or someone else talk about him being here?
Owen stops them a few buildings down near the school. It’s still too early for children or teachers to be gathering so no one is around to hear their conversation.
“I take it Tommy knows?” Owen asks in a whisper. “I saw him leave the Bison… He looked pretty angry.”
Ellie is sure that the look she gives him is enough of an answer that she doesn’t bother to respond. She just smooths Beans fur at the nap of her neck once again.
Owen is quiet for a moment, searching her eyes for the answers she can’t voice. His voice is calm and concerned when he asks, “How are you holding up?”
“It doesn’t matter. I made my choice.” Ellie says, looking down at Beans.
“What exactly does that mean?”
“It means get everyone and get to the mansion.” Ellie's eyes harden when she looks back at him. “I’m finding Abby and then we are getting the fuck away from here.”
__________
”Fuck.” Abby whispers, staring at the knocked out man laying halfway up the stairs. She hadn’t really been thinking clearly when she had hit him with the grip of the gun that he had given her. It was more instinctual than anything else.
For a moment Abby thinks she might have hit him too hard in the nap of his neck. That this might be all over before it has really begun. It doesn’t feel the way she always thought it would. Abby can’t place what the feeling is. She thought it would be relief or justice or that she would at least feel a sense of lightness.
But she doesn’t.
Turning him over she can see the slow rise and fall of his chest and relief floods her. She tells herself that it’s because Joel doesn’t deserve a quick death. But something in that doesn’t fully feel right.
Abby tries not to dwell on the thought as she lifts him up. His body is heavy and awkward as she carries him back down into the basement where she drops him unceremoniously onto the floor near the window. Backing away from the still unconscious man, Abby only looks at him long enough to confirm that he is still knocked out before searching for something to tie him up with. She is lucky when she finds a sheet that she rips apart to make a rope with and goes back to the man, securing his hands behind his back and leaving him there on his belly after the ordeal.
Looking at him with his face down on the ground, Abby lets out a short laugh in disbelief. Still, there is a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach. She can’t shake the feeling that this might not be Joel at all.
But he has to be.
This man laying on the ground before her has to be Joel.
He was coming from Georgia.
It can’t be anyone else. Yet he had saved her life risking his own in the process. Giving her his gun to help better protect herself.
Abby can’t wrap her mind around why Joel Miller of all people would have done something like that. Everything in her tells her that she must have made some mistake. Maybe there were two people traveling back to Jackson from Georgia and they both know Tommy.
He never said his name, Abby thinks.
Any number of people could be traveling here from Georgia. She hadn’t been here long enough to figure out if they traded with anyone. This might just be some guy with two backpacks trying to trade.
Abby goes to the first bag. Opening it only showcases a half empty box of bullets and the makings of a molotov cocktail rolling around. Discarding the bag to the side, she pauses long enough to make sure the man hadn’t moved at all while she was distracted.
Moving on to the other bag, she doesn't have any more hope that she can find out who this guy is. Abby is only able to get it opened halfway before she is startled by a cat leaping out of the bag.
“Ouch.” Abby rips her hand away as the cat leaps out of the bag. A small cut from the cat's claws forms on the palm of her hand, not enough to bleed, but enough to sting a little when she opens and closes her hand. The cat runs a wide loop around the room before barreling under one of the man’s arms. Still he doesn’t move.
“Fucking cat.” Abby whispers, putting a little bit of pressure on her new wound.
She tries to ignore the cat as she starts going through the man’s other bag.
There isn’t much for her to see; just a few shirts rolled up in the main pocket covered in cat hair. Searching through the other pockets, Abby stops abruptly when she pulls open the long pouch along the inside back of the backpack.
If Abby didn’t know any better, she would have thought that this guy somehow got his hands on Ellie’s backpack because right there in that pouch is a small collection of Savage Starlight comics.
Abby hates that her first thought upon taking the comics out is to think about which ones Ellie already has and which she would probably like. More importantly she hates that she thinks about Ellie’s smile when she thinks of Ellie at all.
Still, it's not proof that this guy is Joel. He could just be a good natured nerd who loves these comics too, a father getting them for his kid, or hell he could even be trading them in town. It’s not proof. The thought calms her and Abby discards the comics on the couch reaching inside the pouch again to see if there is anything else there that she missed. If there was any kind of doubt in her mind that this man wasn’t Joel it is erased by the discovery of this book, No Pun Intended. The only other person Abby knows who carries around pun books in their backpack instead of essential supplies is Ellie
Abby drops the book onto the couch with the comics as she rushes to the man’s side, the cat hisses, but there isn’t much the creature can do as she turns the man onto his back. His arms still tied behind him puts his body in an awkward position as he just fucking lays there.
Abby’s hand clenches at her side as she really takes a good look at him. Somehow she thought he would be taller.
Stronger.
Not... this.
Not an old man.
Somewhere along the way, Joel had become this looming larger-than-life figure, mean and menacing, with nothing behind his eyes except burning hatred. Less of a man at all. He had become something akin to a monster conjured up in her head for lack of knowing what had really happened that day in that room.
Not knowing was the worst part. In her nightmares, the events twisted and turned. If she could just get to the operating room in time somehow then it would change the outcome, but she could never be fast enough.
Too scared…
Too slow…
The man laying before her can’t be Joel. Monstrous, hate-filled Joel.
Abby just can’t wrap her mind around why he would help her, a stranger. Why would he risk his own life to save hers? He didn’t have to help her. There was no reason for him to be concerned about her in the first place. Most people in the WLF would have left a stranger to succumb to their fate if they had been stupid enough to be without the proper weaponry to handle themselves. Though it would fit with the townspeople's story of him.
A white piece of paper falls out of his pocket as Abby’s hand clenches and unclenches with each thought running through her mind. It’s a welcome distraction that Abby gladly takes so she doesn't have to stare at his closed eyes any more. She knows she shouldn’t, but she has to be one hundred percent sure that this is Joel before she can kill him.
She needs his name.
The thought turns sour in her stomach as she picks the paper up and unfolds it. She only has to read the first word on the page to know with certainty that this guy, the man that just risked his life to save hers, is the same monster that ruthlessly killed her father and so many more in that hospital.
But he is also the guy that taught Ellie how to swim and play the guitar and shoot a gun.
Abby closes her eyes as every little detail that Ellie or Tommy has ever mentioned about her Museum Guy hits Abby all at once. She knows that he likes his coffee black, that he used to live in Texas, and that he was a contractor before the Outbreak. He had a daughter named Sarah, who died in his arms. Every person in that town cares for this man who is now unconscious in front of her.
The image of her father’s shot through face laying on the cold hospital floor flashes through her mind, like so many nightmares before.
It doesn’t change anything.
It can’t.
When she opens her eyes again, they zero in on Joel’s stupid sleeping face. Her hand finds the shotgun propped up against the couch. She feels the cool metal under her fingertips. She breaks her eye contact with the sleeping form of Joel to fix her gaze onto the shotgun. The shotgun he lent her when she didn’t have one of her own.
It would be so easy to just pull the trigger.
He deserves to suffer.
He deserves to beg and plead for her to spare him, only for it to be met by deaf ears. It could be all over in two seconds and Abby can’t deny the appeal of that. Quicker than his decision to kill her father.
Abby lifts the gun.
Lines up the shot.
Takes a breath.
A little fluff of orange hair pokes out from behind his shoulder as big round cat eyes stare Abby down. The cat’s fur is no longer puffed out as she jumps up on top of the man’s chest and starts to knead at a spot there, before laying down. Right there on top of this murderer’s chest.
The gun lowers until it slips from Abby’s fingers, unfired.
Notes:
Gosh it's been so long I forget what I even usually put here.
Thank you all for reading and supporting this story.
Special shoot out to Zombie_Wombie and Lucythegoosey for reading it over before I post and all the encouragement you both have given me. You don't know how much it has meant to me as I sat staring on my screen second guessing parts of the chapter. Does this mean I have to take out the no beta tag? Hmmm I'm keeping it. lol
And I know there's another cliff hanger I'm so sorry, but for post updates and proof of life snippets for the next chapter you can check out my Tumbler .
Also I feel like some people think we are closer to the end then we are, but we have a whole third act to see. So I have updated the chapter projection. It still might not be 100% accurate, but I will try to make sure to update it when I know for sure how many chapters it is shaking out to be.
Preview to next chapter:
Ellie's two worlds collide. *Organ music* Dun dun dunnnnnn.
Chapter 35: Chapter 35
Summary:
HELLO!!!! I'm back from the dead! lol
To be honest I am super not sure how you all will like this chapter. It was extremely hard for me to write and I was going through a little bit of health stuff so the heaviness of the topic of the chapter coupled with what I had going on in my person life was not the best combo. I really do hope you all do like it and I am super excited to work on other chapters that I have outlined. it will still be sad for the next few, but it does get better.
Chapter summary:
The moment you all have been waiting for Abby confronts Joel!This story was inspired by “Both Sides Now” by fuckingvideogames.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The first thing Joel notices as he comes to is the numbness in his arms.
The second is the pain at the base of his neck.
And the third is a warm weight leaving his chest.
Buttons? Joel thinks.
He would know that familiar weight anywhere, but it takes him a second to piece together what has happened. The timeline of events is still a little fuzzy as he lays there, his eyes still closed hoping to get his bearings before he allows his attackers to know that he’s awake.
The image of Abby jumps to his mind and all he can hope is that that girl got away. She doesn’t need to see whatever these people want to do to him. Whoever they are.
“Open your eyes,” a strikingly familiar voice commands. “I know you're awake."
It takes Joel a second for his eyes to focus as he slowly opens them. At first he can only make out the blurry outline of a figure walking towards him. His arms, pinned uncomfortably behind his back, tingle with the needly pain of a limb just starting to wake up from its slumber.
His eyes clear and the familiar figure comes into focus.
Abby.
The absurdity of his situation hits him. A bubble of laughter escapes his lips.
Abby stops in her approach, her eyebrows pull together. “Why the fuck are you laughing?”
Joel shakes his head definitely.
“ I said— ” Abby surges forward, grabbing Joel by the collar of his flannel and lifts him up into a sitting position. “Why the fuck are you laughing?”
Joel’s gaze slides up to her face, his eyes darken. “Why don’t you just say whatever speech you’ve got rehearsed and get this over with.”
Abby lets out a grunt of frustration, her nostrils flaring and before Joel can prepare himself, his back is being slammed up against the glass of the large window behind him. It wouldn’t be difficult for Joel to stand up. To fight back. Sure, his arms are tied behind him in a truly unforgiving way, but he’s been in hairier situations than this before. He could get himself out of this. If he wanted to.
But he doesn’t. He doesn’t make any attempt to fight back. His luck was always bound to run out at some point and maybe he was never meant to make it back to Jackson without Ellie.
“If you’re planning on killing me, why don’t you just do it already?” Joel says, eyes locking onto hers.
With a short huff, Abby turns away from him, effectively breaking Joel’s eye contact with her. “You don’t get to rush this,” she mutters over her shoulder, moving to the edge of the couch.
The same couch they had sat on together when he was sewing up her forehead. The same couch that now holds all of his very few and precious possessions. The stack of comics he couldn’t seem to shake the habit of collecting, lay scattered unceremoniously half fallen from the couch. The pun book he would read to himself on long nights, is spread open spine up with bent pages. Joel doesn’t know what is worse, the fact that she looked through his stuff or that some loose pages in the pun book have come apart from its spine.
Briefly, Joel wonders how long he was knocked out for, because he doesn’t remember there being a golf carry bag on or near the couch when they first came in. He watches on as Abby’s fingers toy at the golf clubs. There’s a hesitation in her movements that Joel would not have picked up on if he wasn’t watching her so closely.
“You’re not curious, Joel?” Abby asks, choosing a bulbous clubhead out of the pile.
Something about her movements make her look like a child and Joel can’t help but let out a short laugh that slowly gets louder the more he thinks about it. When she turns around to him, Joel knows he hasn’t given her the reaction she wanted.
“What the fuck is so funny about this?”
Joel tries to calm his laughter. “Nothing.”
“Do you know who I am?” Abby asks, coming closer to him.
Joel tamps down his laughter with a shrug, looking at her expectantly.
“You have no fucking idea do you?” Abby says more to herself than to him as she crouches in front of him, using the golf club as a cane. “You killed my father.”
“You’re going to have to get more specific,” Joel replies looking straight in her eyes. “We’ve all killed someone's father. Kill or be killed right? So whoever your father was, I’m sure he had it coming and I’m not sorr—”
Joel can’t say that he didn’t see the punch coming. Metal clangs in the air, the golf club falling from Abby’s hands and her clenched fist connects with the side of his head.
“He wasn’t a fucking raider or a hunter,” Abby grits out, clearly trying to collect herself again. “He was a doctor and he was going to save everyone. He was going to make the cure.”
“Ah Fireflies.” Joel lets out another laugh, spitting blood out of his mouth and resting his head back against the glass. “I should have known.”
Abby clenches and unclenches her hand at her side, but she doesn’t make another move.
“Come on Abby,” Joel prompts, his chest loosening like a heavy weight has lifted. “What are you waiting for? You obviously went through a lot of effort to finally find me. So why don’t you pick up that gun.”
“Guns are too easy.” Abby’s eyes narrow, shaking her head. “You deserve to suffer.”
“Can’t argue with you there,” Joel mutters to himself, not really caring if the girl hears him or not. Then louder, “Do your worst. Beat me. Kill me. It doesn’t matter.”
Abby fists his shirt once again, lifting him slightly into the air, her other fist posed waiting to come down again.
“I’m dead anyway,” Joel whispers now that she is so close to him. “But you will never find who you’re looking for.”
Abby hesitates, a look of confusion crosses her face and Joel drops to the ground once again. She turns her back to him, gripping her fingers into her messy braid. The reprieve is short lived. When she turns back to him the look of confusion is replaced with that of determination.
Before Joel can comprehend what is happening he feels her boot connect with his ribs.
______
Ellie follows Beans on horseback as the dog darts through the woods. At times the dog seems to lose the scent or steer clear of certain areas, but after a moment of sniffing the air she would always be back on the trail leading Ellie further into the mountains. The longer they travel the more familiar their route becomes. That ridge to the side of her looks strikingly like the one she remembers Tommy teaching her how to use a scope in one summer. She can almost feel the sunshine on her skin from the memory even as she races past it in the snow.
When the old ski lodge comes into view ahead, she digs her heels into Star’s side, urging the horse to go faster. The closer she gets to the lodge, the more signs of infected litter the area.
Ellie pulls on the reins of the horse until the animal slows enough for her to safely hop off its back. Loosely tying the horse up on a post outside the lodge, Ellie’s shoulders tighten in anticipation.
Beans is on high alert as they enter through the busted down door side by side. The space—a once beautiful lookout—now lies in ruins. All around Ellie, a mess of broken wood and glass scatters the floor. Ellie walks as quietly as she can, taking pains to not step on any glass or splintered wood. It’s hard to believe that just a few years ago she had sat at that table, now split in two, while Joel strung some disjointed notes on the guitar and Tommy tried to piece together her and Joel’s already strained relationship.
Shaking the memory off herself like a clump of snow, Ellie continues slowly examining the room. Beans busies herself sniffing at the skirting boards in a corner of the room near the door.
Cautiously moving further into the lodge, Ellie stops short at the sight of a figure on the couch bent over with their head in their hands. For a moment an image of a runner right after being turned enters her mind. She tightens her grip on her pistol and edges forward. If it is an infected the kinder thing would be to just shoot. Everything in this room screams infected so why can’t she bring herself to pull the trigger without seeing who it is first?
She is saved from agonizing over it when she takes a misplaced step on a shard of glass. The sound louder than Ellie thought possible and the person jerks up, one single word dropping from their lips, “Joel?”
Ellie's grip on her pistol loosens c oming face to face with Tommy. Her relief is short-lived though as Tommy’s eyes darken once again in anger.
“I thought I told you to leave,” Tommy says, quickly wiping at his eyes and coughing, standing up abruptly.
“I’m working on it.”
An awkward silence falls over them.
“I don’t know why you’re here,” Tommy says defeated. “But Joel’s gone.”
“I can see that. Looks like a bunch of infected tore through this place.”
Tommy nods.
“Do you know where he would have gone?”
Tommy’s gaze darkens again. “Why? So you can tell your friends where to find and murder him?”
“I’m not doing this right now,” Ellie says, backing away at Tommy's advance.
“I'm the one not doing this.” Tommy pushes past her on the way out of the room, leaving Ellie to stand there in the middle of the ransacked space until she feels Beans wet nose push into her hand.
“Come on, girl,” she says with a small pat to the dog's head. “Let’s find Abby and get out the hell out of here.”
* * *
Ellie follows Beans away from the building once again on the back of Star, the confrontation with Tommy still fresh in her mind. Ellie can’t tell if Beans is even still on Abby’s scent, her nose moving from up in the air to down in the ground in quick succession as they move further through the snow covered forest. Morning light slowly filters through the branches and leaves.
“Come on, Abby,” Ellie whispers.
The forest thins out and Ellie is faced once again with a familiar sight, dead infected lay scorched at the foot of the gate of the mansion. Snowstorms sometimes come on fast and strong in the mountains and rarely make it all the way down to the valley of Jackson. One must have rolled through here at some point within the week they have been in town. Ellie can just barely make out the two Humvees half hidden by a bush and covered in snow at the side of the house.
A sinking feeling hits Ellie’s stomach at the sight of hoof marks in the snow.
Beans surges forward with an excited wag of her tail and a small bark. Pulling at the reins, Star slows enough for Ellie to safely dismount, the small hairs at the nap of her neck stand on end. The fact that she had managed to make it this far without running into any more infected was already pushing whatever small amount of luck she might have left. And if there is one thing Joel taught her, it’s that luck always has a way of eventually running out.
“Beans. Here,” Ellie says, seeing the dog trying to dig under the gate. While that might work for the dog Ellie doesn’t think they need to resort to that just yet.
With Beans by her side Ellie leads Star by the reins to the front of the gate. Ellie doesn’t remember the mansion being this foreboding a week ago, but a lot can change in a short time. On the outside it looks exactly the way the team had left it, which should mean that…
Ellie grips the iron gate and pushes with all of her strength. The sound of metal scraping on metal echoes through the trees, but the gate does budge enough for Beans to sneak through and with another push Ellie is able to lead Star through the gate as well.
Tying Star to a nearby tree, Ellie and Beans make their way to the front door. All Ellie can hear as they enter is the shifting snow beneath their feet. Beans runs forward into the living room, her paws clinking on the wooden floor with each step. Ellie isn’t sure what she expects when she opens the door, but nothing was definitely not it. The team had only spent one night in the mansion before she led them into Jackson and everything is exactly as they had left it, even Manny’s sleeping bag is still out.
Beans circles back to Ellie’s side before darting further into the house with Ellie close behind. When they reach the door leading to the basement muffled voices carry up the stairwell, not enough for Ellie to make out what is being said, but enough for her to know that Abby is not alone down there. Ellie's heartbeat picks up with each step she takes down the stairs.
“Come on,” a muffled voice reaches out to Ellie from behind the closed door at the bottom of the stairs. Joel’s gravelly baritone is unmistakable. Ellie stops in her tracks. She never thought she would hear his voice again, much less like this.
“Is that the best you can do?” Joel’s voice comes out even more labored than before. “It’s like you're not even trying. How does it feel to come all this way for nothing?”
Ellie’s eyebrows pull together slightly at the statement. She edges closer to the door. She thought for sure that Abby was the one with Joel, but something about what he said seems off. It doesn’t matter though. Whoever is behind the door, Joel sure is doing a good job of pissing them off.
Beans looks up at Ellie, waiting patiently at her side for her to open the door, sniffing the air one last time and nosing at the crack in the bottom. A sickening whack and a muffled grunt resounds through the door. Ellie acts before she can think, pushing through the doorway to find Abby lifting a golf club away from Joel's side.
“Stop!” Ellie yells, pushing fully into the room. Beans just ahead of her barking and growling at the display before her.
Abby drops the club to the ground, the soft ting of metal hitting the hardwood floor is drowned out by the blood rushing through Ellie’s veins. For the first time in two years her eyes zero in on Joel.
“Ellie?” Joel whispers, making a move to stand up, but he just falls back against the glass of the window. “No Ellie, you have to get out of here.”
He has more gray than brown in his hair, his beard is longer and scruffier than she remembers it being. He seems smaller and thinner now too despite the thick winter jacket he’s wearing. His arms are tied behind his back and he leans his head against the glass of the large window. His eyes blink slowly like he is fighting to keep them open, his breath growing more labored as a small trickle of blood oozes down the side of his face from his hairline. The start of a black eye slowly blooming across his face.
Beans has calmed down enough to stop growling, choosing instead to go closer to Joel. She sniffs at Joel’s out stretched legs making her way up to his face where she licks at the blood and dirt caked there before laying down at Joel’s side, facing Abby with mild disinterest.
Ellie pulls her focus from Joel and Beans to rest on Abby. Hurt, sadness, confusion, anger, and hatred all filter through her eyes in rapid succession before settling on betrayal.
“Abby—” Ellie starts, taking a step forward.
“Don’t,” Abby interrupts, anger clear in her voice as she shakes her head, “You know what he did. You know why I have to do this.”
With each word, Ellie slowly edges closer, her eyes flickering between Abby, Beans, and Joel as she moves.
“I have to do this,” Abby repeats quietly to herself. Ellie is too preoccupied with cataloging all the small lines around Joel’s eyes to see when Abby produces her hand gun from her belt until it is already being raised, “There’s nothing you can say that will stop this.”
Ellie takes the last few steps to put herself right in front of Abby and subsequently the gun.
For the first time since entering the room she can see Abby clearly with no distractions. The skin around her cheeks and nose are blotchy and red, her blue eyes glisten as a well of tears are blinked back, and her hair is coming undone from her braid, like rough hands have been pulling at the strains.
She looks exactly like she does when she wakes from a nightmare.
Ellie’s eyes move from Abby’s face to the gun in her hands.
“I never knew my father… I never knew my mother…But I did know Joel. I can’t let you kill him Abby,” Ellie says slowly. Grabbing the barrel of the gun with both her hands she guides it to her temple. “You’ll have to kill me first.”
Ellie closes her eyes, the barrel of the gun still in her grip.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Manny’s voice yells out. Ellie’s eyes flash open to see him standing next to Abby, his hand gripping her forearm tightly and he knocks the gun out of her hand. His eyes fly from Abby to Ellie to Joel then back to Abby, his thick eyebrows pinching together in concern and confusion.
With the threat of the gun to her face gone, Ellie turns and crouches to assess Joel’s injuries.
“You.” Joel’s eyes look more tired than she has ever seen them before and he blinks slowly up at her. “I must be dead?”
“No,” Ellie whispers for only him to hear. Her hand lifts as if to touch him, but she can’t bring herself to, “You’re fine. You’re going to be fine.”
Abby shakes off Manny’s hand, “Get Ellie out of here.”
“What the fuck Abby?” Manny exclaims. Leah and Jordan enter the basement followed by Nora close behind.
Manny’s gaze shifts to Joel. “Who’s this?”
“Let me guess? More Fireflies,” Joel mutters loud enough for the rest of them to hear, then louder still. “I take it the name Joel means something to you too.”
Ellie grits her teeth, hissing, “Not helpful.”
Manny locks eyes on Abby, “ That Joel?”
Abby clenches her jaw, opening and closing her fist with agitation. Abby’s eyes lock once again onto Ellie and for a moment she thinks Abby won’t say anything, but that hope is dashed with a nod, “That Joel.”
Ellie senses more then sees Manny whip out his gun and point it at Joel before she is standing and her own gun is in her hands pointing at him. “Manny, put the fucking gun down.”
“You put the fucking gun down!”
Ellie’s eyes stay fixed on Abby, but in her peripheral vision Manny sways slightly trying to get a better line of sight on Joel. She faces Manny head on, pleading, “Manny, just… let me explain.”
“Let you explain?” Manny exclaims.
“Manny, listen to her,” Owen says, coming into the room with Mel behind him. “Let’s all calm down and talk about this.”
“No, I’m not fucking listening to this,” Manny shouts, “ You know what he did at St. Mary’s. There’s not much to explain.”
“I know what he did,” Ellie pleads, her eye flashing between Abby and Manny, “and I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve what you want to do, but—”
“You’re her, aren’t you?” Nora interrupts. Abby and Manny’s head whip to look at her. While they are distracted, Ellie takes a step that puts her more between Manny’s gun and Joel. “The cure.”
Ellie’s eyes shoot to Nora. Her heart in her throat.
Manny lowers his gun, taking a step back. “No… no that person had a bite on her—”
“Right arm,” Nora says calmly then bursts out. “I fucking knew you were hiding something.”
Nora’s eyes flicker from Ellie to Owen as he comes closer. When he’s close enough Owen pulls the gun from Manny’s already loosened grip. “Let’s just hear her out. Okay. Maybe there is—”
“You knew,” Abby says plainly, calmly, almost matter of factly, as she looks at Owen. Ellie dares to look at Abby again. She hadn’t spoken much since the rest of them had come into the room. The emotion written on her face is completely eligible to Ellie now. She doesn’t even look angry anymore, she looks numb. The room falls quiet at Abby’s accusation. “How long did you fucking know?
“Is that true?” Manny asks, breaking his silence. If Owen was planning on denying the accusation, it’s already too late and the room erupts into a cacophony of voices.
But Ellie is no longer following the choirs of arguments, her gaze locked onto Abby as she stands there eyes unfocused, staring at something Ellie can’t see. Until finally, Abby’s eyes zero in onto Ellie’s right arm, covered by a jacket, the one Ellie has been wearing ever since her first night in Jackson.
Joel’s old winter jacket.
“Enough!” Abby yells and that gaze shoots up to Ellie’s eyes. Abby closes the small gap between them.
“I was going to tell you everything on that overlook,” Ellie pleads. For what, she doesn’t know.
Abby’s eyes burn a hole through her head. Her hands come up to cradle the side of Ellie’s face. Her thumb rubbing against her cheek once, twice, three times. Ellie’s breath hitches as her hand pulls away tangling briefly in the mess of her hair. It takes her a second to realize that Abby’s hand isn’t stuck in the weeds of her auburn locks, but that she is looking for something there. Ellie knows when she finds it. The braid Ellie couldn’t stop weaving into her hair even when they were not speaking to each other.
“That was already far too late,” Abby whispers, her eyes boring into Ellie’s soul. A pocket knife swipes at the space right above the elastic freeing the braid. There is a flicker of something in her eyes so fast Ellie can’t decipher it. Sadness? Regret? Too soon, Abby’s eyes drop down to look at Joel, her gaze hardening.
Ellie follows her stare. She doesn’t know when it happened, but Joel’s eyes are closed and his breathing grew shallower than before. Ellie’s chest is hollow as she tears her eyes away from Joel, moving her body to block him from Abby’s sight.
With that small movement Abby’s eyes shoot back to Ellie’s. Without saying a word, Abby turns and leaves the basement and it’s like someone let all of the air out from Ellie’s lungs. As the door to the basement slams shut, it takes everything in her not to pass out.
Without waiting for anyone to move, Ellie is kneeling beside Joel untying his restraints. With Abby out of the room and Manny unarmed, the group fades away from Ellie’s mind allowing her to fully focus on Joel for the first time since entering the room. She barely notices that Beans is no longer sitting next to Joel like she was when they first entered this basement.
“Joel,” Ellie mutters, checking his breathing with her finger. She pauses, flashes of those long weeks back in Colorado entering her mind unbidden. His skin doesn’t look as pale as it did back then, but the full extent of his injuries are still hidden under his winter jacket. “Joel… wake up.”
A hand on her shoulder startles Ellie out of her remembrance. Looking up, Mel stands over her with soft eyes.
“Let me help you,” she whispers.
Ellie looks at Mel for a long moment before she nods, stands, and takes a step away to allow Mel close to him. The room is silent while Mel works. Manny must have followed Abby to a different part of the mansion at some point, as he is no longer in the basement.
“Nora,” Mel calls out after a minute. “Come help me with this.”
“I’m not fucking helping him,” Nora says, venom on her tongue.
Ellie is instantly by Mel’s side once again. “I can do it. What do you need?”
Mel doesn’t look at Ellie, her gaze lingering on Nora instead. Ellie can’t see the look from her position, but whatever it was held some power to it.
“Fine,” Nora says.
Ellie tenses when she gets near.
“This might be better if you step outside for a bit,” Mel says, turning to look at Ellie. Her heart beat triples, but before Ellie can insist on staying, Owen appears by her side.
“I’ll stay here for you,” he says. “Nothing’s going to happen to him. I promise. Just… Wait outside for a bit.”
Ellie nods, backing away from the three of them. Leah and Jordan stand in the corner of the room, arms crossed. Where she stands with them, Ellie doesn’t have the energy to guess. She looks around briefly for Beans, wondering where she disappeared to and sees her crouched with her nose under the couch. In the commotion she must have taken refuge there to escape the shouting. She never did like loud noises.
Ellie makes a clicking noise with her tongue and cheek, startling the dog into sitting back up. A small feline figure darts out from under the couch making a mad dash around the room then up the stairs, Beans follows after the creature before Ellie can attempt to get her under control. Ellie makes a move to follow after the dog, but the thought of facing Abby again holds her back.
She is saved from more thought when the door to the outside of the basement busts open.
“Okay, the Humvees are warming up, but man is the weather starting to pick up out there. If we want to leave we better do that soon.” Nick enters the room, snow swirling around him from the wind, stopping short when he sees everyone standing around in awkward silence. “What did I miss?”
_____
Noise.
Buzzing noise.
That is all Abby could hear since Ellie appeared in the basement. The sound wavering between an intense all consuming sensation to a dull ache somewhere between her head and her heart.
Abby couldn’t breathe. She had to get out of that basement before she suffocated there. Her mind only clears when Nora says the words ‘the cure’. All the pieces finally fit together; Ellie’s silence, her connection to Joel, even her nonchalant attitude when it can to the infected.
The cure.
It all makes sense now. If Abby wasn’t so pissed she probably would have laughed at the impossibility of the whole thing. The girl, the cure, that would change everything is just… Ellie.
Images of her fathers bloodied face intersplices with Ellie’s pale and lifeless one in Abby’s mind until she can hardly take a breath in anymore. A nightmare she can’t shake herself out of, leaving her with a sick feeling in her stomach. For the first time, she’s thankful she hasn’t eaten anything today because she would have wretched it out already.
Abby barely registers Manny talking to her until his arm touches hers and she instinctively rips it out of his grip.
Manny puts up his hands in surrender. “You aren’t really going to just let him go are you. He's right here laid out in front of you like an offering. It’s destiny. Fate. Or some shit like that.”
“I said enough ,” Abby shakes her head. “And I meant it.”
Before Manny can open his mouth to argue more, a blur of orange fur comes dashing up the stairs followed by a bigger blur of white and auburn in the shape of Beans. Abby manages to get a hold of the dog as the cat dashes around the room in a wide zooming arch and bolts back down the stairs. Hushed whispers of “the cure” and “Ellie” and “Abby will decide” carry up the stairs before the figures of Nick, Jordan, and Leah emerge from the stairwell. Their hushed voices fall completely silent at the sight of Abby, her hand firmly gripping Beans’s collar keeping her from following the cat back down stairs.
Abby pretends she didn’t hear them and ignores whatever Manny is trying to say to her. Instead she leads Beans out of the mansion, away from Ellie and Joel and …everyone. She just needs to think and she can’t do that if everyone is just… there, expecting her to say something or make a decision.
With the cat out of sight, Beans calms down enough for Abby to let her go and the dog runs out the front door ahead of her. The bitter cold of outside is enough to shock Abby’s system into feeling something other than numbness. Abby clenches her fists against the cold and realizes that she still has Ellie’s hair in the palm of her hand. The auburn lock, held in the tight embrace of a thin elastic band mocks her. She should throw it to the ground. Stomp the locks into the cold earth and be done.
Done with her. Done with this.
She was so close! But in the end all that training she had spent the last four years of her life on was boiled down to a few punches and kicks. She had only hit Joel with the club twice before she was stopped.
Anger surges through her veins and Abby can no longer feel the icy wind swirling around her. It would have only taken a few more swings for it all to be done. Then the nightmares would finally stop and she could finally start to live again, but no. Ellie just had to come in right at that moment.
And that look.
That look on Ellie’s face will be burned into Abby’s memory for the rest of her life. The strength. The resolution. The hurt. The fear. Not for her own life. No. For his .
Beans bumps her head into the side of Abby’s leg and she tucks the lock of hair into her jacket pocket along with her spiraling thoughts. Petting Beans always did help calm Abby down, but the peace is short lived. Beans raises her nose into the air and darts through the snow. Abby moves to follow, to allow herself to be distracted with her dog, but she stops short.
Ellie sits on the cold snow covered ground crumbled in on herself, arms wrapped around her legs, knees to her chest. Beans excitedly bumps into her side, licking at her bare hand until Ellie’s fingers thread through the fur, pulling Beans in close for comfort.
Anger bubbles up inside of Abby once again. All the lies and half truths that Ellie has told her hit her hard. The loyalty and trust she thought they had between them, gone in an instant. Abby isn’t sure what she thought when she first realized that Ellie had some kind of a connection to Joel. She hadn’t stopped to think about it, too angry and stubborn to analyze anything more than the betrayal. Somehow the idea of Ellie being in that operating room set to die for a cure hadn’t crossed her mind.
Back then everything felt so black and white. Cure or death. Abby remembers walking in on Marlene and her dad talking about what to do. The impossibility of the girl surviving. The hope of what that sacrifice would mean for so many people.
Abby’s anger settles to a simmer. It was easy for her to say that if she was immune, she would want them to do the surgery. It was the only kind of comfort that she could provide to her father, but it was an empty comfort nonetheless because Abby wasn’t immune. She never will be.
The words “I can’t let you kill him…You’ll have to kill me first” echo in Abby’s mind. She shakes her head trying to push the image of Ellie standing there in front of her gun away. Ellie would have moved. She would have had to, right? Abby knows Ellie was serious though. Stubborn, beautiful, loyal Ellie. Abby wants to go to her, shake her, yell at her, cry on her shoulder; but she doesn’t move from her spot.
The door to the basement opens and Owen steps out. There’s a cat on his shoulder, the same furry beast that protected him and not for the first time does Abby wish she had just shot him hours ago.
Abby is too far away to hear what is being said between them, but she can see when Owen hands a flare over to Ellie. The cat on his shoulder jumps down when Mel and Nora exit the basement and darts back into the room. There’s a tight, quick nod from Nora to Ellie and Mel squeezes her shoulder before they both start in the direction of the Humvees’s, Beans running on ahead of them to get in the car first.
The front door opens behind her.
Abby doesn’t say anything as Leah, Jordan, and Nick come out, making their way around her and to the cars giving Ellie a wide berth.
“So what?” Manny begins from somewhere behind her. “This is how it ends? I stood by you for everything and this is it? Joel—what, gets his happily ever after with no consequences?”
Abby still doesn’t say anything. What is there for her to say? He’s right. Joel lives and Ellie stays. They get their happily ever after and what does Abby get? More nightmares? Different nightmares? How can her father rest peacefully without his murderer buried?
“Fine.” Manny shoulders past her, hitting her roughly with his elbow on the way.
Ellie follows each of them in turn with her eyes until they reach the Humvees, unlit flare still in hand. Owen stands next to her, his gaze locked onto Abby until it is just her left standing a yard away. Ellie doesn’t look at her, but Abby knows that she can sense her somehow. Only when Abby passes them, does Owen finally leave Ellie’s side to follow her to the cars. Abby can’t help it; she takes one final look back at Ellie. She looks small compared to the mansion looming behind her, fiddling with the unlit flare in her hands.
Manny is right. Leaving Ellie here with him is exactly what he would want. All that shit that he did in Salt Lake City, he did it for her. Abby used to joke that the museum guy had adopted Ellie without telling her. And she was right wasn’t she? But Ellie also adopted him, no matter how much she protests.
The pop and sizzle of a flare going off is enough to shake Abby out of her thoughts and really look at Ellie standing there, now with a lit flare in hand. Before she can second guess what she is doing, Abby finds herself in front of Ellie once again. For a moment neither of them move. They are just two people slowly being encircled in the red smoke of the flare.
Blue eyes staring into green.
Bits of smoke start to waft into the basement through the open door where he lays, this time moved to the couch with that same fucking cat resting on his chest once again. And Abby is no longer still. Grabbing Ellie’s arm she starts to drag her away from the building and toward the cars.
“What are you doing?” Ellie asks, trying to pull her arm out of Abby’s grip and failing.
Abby turns to her. “Joel deserves to suffer. I can end him right here and now… Or you can come with me. Because if he is going to live I can’t think of a better punishment than his long lost daughter disappearing on him again.”
“He's going to know where I went. Tommy knows everything. About Seattle… everything.”
“If he’s smart he won’t come. If he does…” Abby leaves it unsaid but the words hang between them. If he does come Joel would be as good as dead and they both know it. “I’m not asking. I’m telling you those are the options.”
Ellie gives one final lingering look into the basement before turning to Abby and nods for her to lead the way. Abby takes only a few steps before she turns back and watches as Ellie closes the basement door and carefully places the flare downwind on the cold snow, allowing the trail of red smoke to swirl ever higher into the sky.
Notes:
You guys didn't think I would kill Joel now did you?lol
Thank you all so much for reading and supporting this story it truly does means the world to me. I am really sorry that it took this long to get it up though.You can find me on Tumbler so if you want to follow me there feel free to. https://www.tumblr.com/randomgirlreading
Also side note who else is neck deep in the Arcane brain rot!
I may have accidentally outlined a whole story for if Silco had found that letter from Vander so if you see me posting a CaitVi Fic in the near future just know that I have given myself very strict rules about not posting if I don't already have a chapter for still story ready to go. lolPreview to next chapter:
Joel's recovery
Chapter 36: Chapte 36
Summary:
Hello y'all!
Couple things. Please make sure to read the notes at the end of the chapter it's really important.Also not sure if anyone remembers what Abby gifted Ellie for Christmas way back in the story (mostly because it was very briefly mentioned when Nora and Ellie where in their break up/ make up phase) but just remember that it was a graphic novel of the play Hamlet lol.
Chapter Summary:
In which Tommy attempts to gaslight Joel to varying degrees of success while he is healing.This story was inspired by "Both Sides Now" by fuckingvideogames.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Joel comes to, twice in that basement.
The only things he remembers of the first time is Ellie, red smoke, and a door closing. He vaguely remembers rolling over, his hands finally free from their confines, and falling off the couch. He wasn’t awake for long, nausea hitting him hard, causing him to black out.
The second time, he wakes to someone calling his name. Prying his eyes open, he barely makes out the image of Tommy hovering over him, worry clear in his eyes. There’s more gray in his hair around his ears than Joel remembers him having last year, but other than that he looks the same. Then again luck has always been on Tommy’s side.
Joel tries to focus solely on his brother.
His anchor.
He can feel his brother's hand on his shoulder, see his brother's lips move, but he can’t make out the words. It's like he’s underwater and flying away at the same time. It’s a disorienting feeling with the sound of the room muffled around him making his head spin and then Tommy is gone.
Darkness once again welcomes Joel with open arms.
When Joel next wakes up, he is no longer in the basement. Instead he finds himself in a scarcely furnished room. He recognizes the confines of the Jackson Clinic, having been in this exact room many times before, but he has no memory of how he got here. Everything from the day before is hazy at best with large portions missing completely. He can still see the red smoke and the vague image of Ellie's face in the back of his mind almost like a dream. The last complete memory he can recall is being at the lodge and drinking from the bottle of whiskey Tommy left there for him.
Pain shooting through his arm pulls him back from trying to recall more. Turning his head to the left, nausea hits him again like a truck. Moving his head to the right, Joel registers that Tommy is asleep on a too small plastic chair. His long limbs stretch out in front of him threatening to slide off the chair completely at any moment. His head is thrown back in a way that Joel isn’t exactly sure how he is able to breathe. Joel clears his throat hoping to wake the old bastard, but he doesn’t move.
Joel lets out a dramatically loud cough and Tommy’s whole body jerks awake like he is suddenly dreaming of falling.
“Jesus! Don’t fucking scare a sleeping man like that,” Tommy exclaims, rubbing his face hard then muttering barely loud enough for Joel to hear. “Can’t believe I was ever fucking worried about you.”
Joel gives a short laugh that turns into a wince and Tommy sits up quickly from his slouched position, giving Joel a worried look.
“That hurt?” Tommy grumbles. Joel nods his head clutching his ribs. “Good.”
Now that Tommy is awake, Joel can see the redness of his eyes. “How long was I out for?”
Tommy rubs his eyes again leaning forward in his chair. “A few days.”
"Where's Ellie?"
Tommy looks up fast, fully facing him, but doesn't say anything.
Joel continues. "She was in the basement too."
"That's not funny, Joel," Tommy finally says, is voice pinched.
"I'm not joking," Joel says, trying to recall more than just the red smoke. "I saw her. She was there. I'm sure of it."
Tommy looks down at his hands. "Must have been a hallucination then. Or some kind of pain induced dream. The doctors said that could happen."
Before Joel can open his mouth to argue what he saw, the door to his room opens.
”Oh good you're finally awake,” Maria says, a small bundle of clothes in her arms. “You had us worried there for a minute .”
An awkward silence follows her entrance, before she continues speaking. “I brought some clean clothes if you wanted to change. Just holler if you need any help.” She walks just far enough into the room to put the clothes down at the foot of his bed. Looking at Tommy she tips her head to the side indicating that he should follow her. “We should probably let him rest.”
Reluctantly, Tommy nods his head and rubs his palms on the front of his jeans before standing up. He stays there for a moment, shoulders hunched and his head lowered. His hands twitch like he's debating something and finally he places one hand on Joel’s leg and squeezes. The tension in Tommy's shoulders visibly relax for the first time since Joel woke up. “I’m glad you’re ok.”
Joel doesn’t doesn’t trust his voice not to crack, so he stays silent and the moment passes with Maria holding the door open for Tommy to exit.
With the two of them gone, the room suddenly feels too large for just Joel.
Slowly he swings his legs out from under the sheet and down the side of the bed. From this position he has an easier time actually seeing the layout of the room they have him in. There isn't much to look at, just the chair Tommy was in, a small counter space with a sink, and a full length mirror in the corner that is at just the right angle for Joel to see himself reflected in it.
Looking into the mirror, Joel barely recognizes himself. The skin around his left eye is a horrible black, almost purple color and swollen enough that he can only open it a sliver. His broken nose has been reset and bandaged for support as well as to stop the bleeding. His head has wrappings around it that he quickly reaches to take it off, but is stopped by the tender pain in his ribcage and shoulder. He knows he has dislocated his shoulders and judging by the pain in his ribs at least one of them must be fractured.
Slowly this time, he reaches up and carefully unwraps the bandages around his head. There is a long cut along his hairline that has been stitched up in clean even lines. The stitches are so uniform that Joel guesses that whoever did it either used a ruler or has done this same procedure a thousand times over. Looking at the cut gives him a nauseating sense of deja vu that he can't quite place. There is something hovering just outside the reaches of his memory and the more he concentrates on it, the worse his headache gets. He pushes the thought away. He’ll pick at that scab later, preferably when he's at home with a nice bottle of whiskey.
Disregarding the new clothes Maria brought him, Joel slowly stands up, testing his balance. There is some general discomfort, but he’s able to make his way to the door pausing only when he hears the conversation on the other side.
“We have to tell him,” Maria whispers.
”I just got him back.” Tommy’s voice comes out gruff and broken. “I can’t watch him leave again.”
”He might not go?”
Tommy huffs, “Of course he will. He’s an idiot.”
“You can’t hide this from him forever, you know.”
Joel furrows his brows, trying to piece together what the couple is talking about. The only thing he is sure of is that they must be talking about him. He stays close to the door, trying to hear more, but their voices start to fade as they walk down the hallway. Joel can’t tell if he is starting to tilt towards the door to follow the voices or if the room is starting to spin on its axis.
Straightening up, he puts his arms out to find the solid frame of the door and it continues to spin. Nausea hits him as the room tilts from one side to the other and Joel only has enough presence of mind to hobble back to the safety of his bed so he doesn’t collapse in the middle of the still spinning room. Questions swirl with the room, but that only makes the room spin faster.
He closes his eyes again hoping that the next time he opens them, things will be better.
* * *
“Home sweet home, eh?” Tommy says, holding the door open for Joel to walk through.
“Yeah,” Joel mutters, “Something like that.”
There was a time when Joel would have called this house a home, back when it was filled with out-of-key guitar notes and muttered curses, but that time has passed. The truth is that nothing has felt like home in a long time. Being on the road has been the closest thing to it for the past two years.
It took three weeks before Joel was allowed to leave the clinic. The severity of his injuries were difficult to determine with the limited medical equipment they have on hand. The doctor was able to determine that he had bruised two ribs and broken a third. The fact that it hadn’t punctured his lungs was a miracle, but that led to a slow recovery. He stayed an extra week for the doctors to monitor his concussion even when he insisted that he felt fine, which maybe they could tell was a lie. Everytime he tried to remember what happened in the mansion, he would get a blinding headache that left him lightheaded and nauseous, but each time he tried, he was able to recall more and more. It became a sick kind of ritual for him, like a bruise he couldn’t stop poking at and each time he poked, the wound would get bigger. There’s a familiarity to the pain. A dull sense of rightfulness, like he should be hurting more for the things he's done.
The doctors assure him that his memory loss is temporary and that the best thing he can do is let the memories come back to him on their own, like they are some kind of sentient being that he’s been scaring away with his poking and prodding. To Joel that sounds like bullshit, so he’s taken to lying about the headaches altogether. He's about 90 percent sure the doctor knows what he’s doing, but they still let him leave the clinic so Joel counts it as a win.
Tommy and Maria made a habit of checking in on him everyday he was in the clinic, but each time he tried to ask questions about how he was found, Joel was met with the same tight lips and knowing glances exchanged between the two of them and a swift subject change. To say that it was starting to piss him off to no end would be an understatement, but then a headache would set in before he could rangel up the anger to confront them. It alway left him with no energy to engage in whatever games the two of them had going on and the subject would be dropped.
Silence follows after Tommy throws Joel’s old backpack on the couch, but it doesn’t last long.
“Maria wanted me to invite you over for supper tonight.”
Joel sighs. He had been waiting for something like this to come up the entire walk over from the clinic. “Listen. I love ya, but I’m going to need at least a week of peace before I’ll be up to something like that.”
”Fair enough.” Tommy throws up his hands in a mock surrendering motion. “You know I had to at least say I asked.”
Joel nods a soft smile gracing his lips.
Tommy rubs his neck with one hand. “You sure you gonna be okay here all alone?”
”I’ll be fine. Now get the hell out of my house. I'm sick of seeing your old ugly mug everytime I open my eyes.”
“Tell me why I ever missed you in the first place?”
”Beats me.”
”Sleep well, I'll be back to check on you tomorrow,” Tommy says, pausing at the door for a moment to look Joel over one more time before continuing on.
Joel sinks down into his couch, trying to enjoy the first moment of true peace since waking up in the clinic. The couch isn’t exactly comfortable, but it sure does beat all the nights he spent on the cold ground over the past year and Joel feels himself drift off into slumber.
His dreams are a strange mix of what little he remembers from saving Abby and running through that hospital in Salt Lake City. This time, Abby stands in front of him with a golf club in hand. Abby’s figure morphs into Ellie and she crouches in front of him. He can feel time slipping through his fingers. When Ellie opens her mouth to speak Joel hears—
Knock…
Knock…
Knock…
The loud banging at his door startles Joel out of his nightmare. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Joel stumbles to answer the door, revealing Jesse standing on his porch with a furry orange cat tucked in her arms.
“Hey,” Jesse says, lifting the cat a bit into the air, “Heard you were released from the clinic today and well... I’m assuming this might be yours?”
A tension in his shoulders release as relief flows through his body at the sight of Buttons safe in Jesse’s arms. The whole time Joel had been in the clinic he had told himself that the cat must have run away or even that she was taken by those people in the basement. He hadn’t even thought to ask Tommy about her either, too chicken shit to be confronted by yet more failures.
Joel takes her out of Jesse’s arms and the cat meows loudly, twisting her body in such a way that makes holding her difficult and Joel lets her jump to the ground. She walks through Joel's legs, rubbing her cheek against his body as she strides into the house like she already owns the place.
“Yeah, I guess I deserve that,” Joel mutters awkwardly, following the cat with his eyes until she is no longer visible. Moving out of his door frame, he motions to Jesse. “Come in.”
Jesse nods, entering the house. “It’s good to see you… you know, not passed out and covered in your own blood. When Tommy radioed saying he found you in the Baldwin Mansion I thought we’d walk in and see you, well… not as good as we did, if I’m being honest." He rubs at his neck in a way that brings a pang to Joel's chest at how similar it is to Ellie's old mannerisms. Avoiding Joel's gaze he continues. "Tommy did a good job of setting your arms and getting your ribs stabilized. I didn’t even know he knew how to do that.”
He doesn’t .
In all the years they had been looking out for each other, Tommy had never been the best at emergency medical aid. He could crudely stitch up a cut or two, but not nearly as well as the cut on Joel’s head was handled.
Joel doesn’t call out this inaccuracy though, settling for a short nod of his head instead. He waves his hand indicating for Jessie to take a seat on the couch while he settles into the plum chair across from him.
“I’m sorry I didn’t visit you in the clinic, but Tommy…” Jesse lets the sentence hang in the air like he hadn’t meant to say something. Joel recognizes the frantic search for a topic change that he has grown familiar with seeing in his brother. “But the cat, you know. It was all hands on deck. Dina loves the thing. Had to practically rip it out of her hands to bring her here to you.”
“How are you and Dina?” Joel asks, once again letting the redirection slide. “There some kind of wedding soon?”
Jesse’s eyes go wild and color flushes his cheek.
“No, no, no, no.” Jesse waves his hands in the air. “Nothing like that. Not that I don’t want to or anything, but…” Jesse lets out a laugh, hand rubbing the back of his neck again. “It’s still a bit. You know. Stop and go.”
Joel lets out a grunt. Remembering all the times Jesse found himself on Joel’s porch after a break up or make up, asking for advice or just being an ear to listen to. Why he seems to think that Joel has any good advice to give is beyond him, but still it's something that makes being back in Jackson a little easier. Makes him feel a little more useful.
When Jesse stops laughing his eyes soften.
“I, um, really am glad you're back.” His voice grows softer still, gaze shifting to some far away place.
They fall into an easy silence. Both lost in their own thoughts. Joel tilts his head, examining Jesse for a moment.
“You know I don’t remember all of what happened in that basement, but something has been rattling around in my head that I can’t quite piece together,” Joel says, rubbing the side of his head where the headache always starts, looking at an increasingly nervous Jesse. “You happen to want to share anything with me that might help put things together?”
Jesse rubs his palms against his jeans, swallowing hard. “What do you want to know?”
“What isn’t my brother telling me? That girl, the one that did all this.” Joel gestures to his healing injuries. “She seemed to know at least a little bit about Jackson. Which means that her and her friends must have stayed here. Which, other than telling Tommy I told him so, doesn’t account for the reason he’s being so tight lipped about it now. So what am I missing?”
Guilt flashes through Jesse’s eyes. “That really is a question only Tommy can answer. I’m really sorry.”
“You’re a loyal kid. It’s a good trait. If not a bit of a pain in the ass.” Joel and Jesse share a small laugh. “You gotta give me something.”
Jesse's eyes dart around the room before settling on him again. “You know the Baltimores passed away while you were gone.”
Joel’s eyebrows pull together. It's not at all what Joel had been expecting him to say, but Jesse continues. “Heard they kept a stash of coffee beans hidden.”
Jesse looks at Joel like this should be enough for him to understand his meaning, but it just confuses him more. Jesse gives a tight lipped smile then stands “It really is good to have you back. You staying for long this time?”
Joel shrugs, following Jesse to the door. “We’ll see.”
Jesse’s lips tilt downward. It’s something Joel always says whenever he gets back. They both know it’s only a matter of time before Joel leaves again.
He watches Jesse walk down his porch steps before closing the door. His movements are still pretty slow and the thought of climbing the stairs to his room is not a pleasant one. So he settles for walking around downstairs first as a small warm up.
He starts in the living room and almost everything is exactly how he left it except for the picture that Ellie drew of him. The glass encompassing her drawing is cracked like it got knocked off the ledge at some point.
The fact that someone has been in his house doesn’t surprise him; he knows that Maria has a habit of making sure his covers are at least clean when she knows he's on the way back. However, her not telling him she had knocked over something that she knows he holds dear, doesn’t sit right with him.
Gently Joel picks up the picture with its broken frame and rubs his fingertips along the ridge of the crack.
He remembers the day she gave it to him so clearly. It was almost half a year after they had settled in Jackson. They had fallen into a routine of watching a movie together every Friday night. Joel had Saturday’s off from patrol and Ellie didn’t have school the next day so they always stayed up later than they intended.
The tradition had started during that first short guitar lesson when Ellie’s fingers ended up hurting too bad to continue past thirty minutes. Joel suggested the movie under the guise of a forgotten past promise, but really he just couldn’t bear to see her go back to her makeshift studio so soon. He didn’t know how to tell her that the spare room is hers if she ever wanted it. He didn’t want to come across like an overbearing parent, so he took what he could get at the time and was thankful she hadn’t gone further than the backyard to make her new home.
The day she had given him this drawing was the same as any other night. They had cooked dinner together and Joel had shown her a new chord which Ellie picked up immediately. She had been getting better and better as the months flew by and had even gotten through her first song without any of his help, but he could still see insecurity in her playing that he wasn’t sure how to root out yet. He had thought about it all through the rest of the night, barely paying attention to the movie until she had coughed nervously and placed a drawing of him on the coffee table. She hadn’t even looked at him as she muttered a thanks before heading out the back door to her studio. Joel didn’t even know what she was thanking him for, but he knew this picture was important to him even before he picked it up.
He spent the whole next week trying to find a frame for it during his patrols before caving and trading a little figurine for it from someone down the street. It took another week of agonizing over where to put the thing before he settled on the fireplace. He would have probably moved it again if he hadn’t caught Ellie staring at it one day after she barged in, obviously itching to rant about something that had happened in the day. They never talked about its appearance, but Joel could tell it meant something to her. That he had done something right for once in placing the picture there.
Little by little Joel started to fill his house with pictures of the two of them and their life in Jackson, hoping that it would be enough to show Ellie that she would always have a place there with him.
It wasn’t enough.
Slowly, Joel places the frame back on the mantle. It’s not like the actual drawing is damaged so it’s nothing that can’t be fixed by trading with someone for a replacement frame. He could do that tomorrow, but somehow the crack running over his face in the glass feels right. Maybe he should thank Maria for making something in this house reflect how he feels on the inside.
Backing up from the fireplace, Joel grabs his backpack from where Tommy tossed it on the couch and slings it over his shoulders.
Joel makes it up the steps and into his room. The effort takes more of a toll then he thinks it should, but he's in no sharp pain which he takes as a good sign. Shadows have grown long as the sun descends behind the mountains and just like he expects, his bed is waiting for him with a clean set of linens on it. He should pull back the sheets and settle in for the night. His own bed is sure to be more comfortable than the one he has been sleeping in at the clinic and much more comfortable than the couch. Buttons has already found the perfect place to curl up—in the fading patch of sun on the pillow—but Joel has never been able to do that. For two years, every night that he has spent in Jackson he’s never been able to just lie down and drift off.
Instead of moving to the bed, Joel finds himself where he always does whenever he thinks about sleep, at the window that overlooks the garage. He expects to find it just as dark and lifeless as it always is. What he doesn’t expect is the light to be on.
His heart races. An irrational, all consuming hope fills him and he runs as fast as his injuries will allow him to. Going down is much easier than going up. He doesn’t even feel the ache in his side from his quick movements until he finds himself standing in front of Ellie’s door.
At this moment, two things are true at the same time. Ellie is behind this door sitting on the couch or her bed and she is not.
All he has to do is turn the knob. He tries to let go of the hope in his heart, but it’s still there.
The knob turns.
Joel enters the room.
His heart squeezes.
Ellie is not there.
A small light is on near the bed. The coffee table is free of dust and the couch looks worn. Like someone had been sitting there even though Joel knows he told Tommy not to touch anything in this room while he was gone.
Joel sighs. It doesn’t matter, he was always going to end up here tonight. He doesn’t even know why he bothered going up to his room in the first place. Taking off his backpack, he unzips it, and starts unloading the pun book and all of the other comic books that he found in his travels. It’s a ritual at this point, the pulling out and sorting of the comics. He tries to imagine what Ellie would say about each of them, how many she’s already read from before they even met.
It’s calming in a way that hurts. It’s a different kind of bruise to poke at, one more grounding then sharp.
It’s a pain he willingly bears…
For now, at least.
A wave of images hit Joel in the next moment. He drops the comic and grabs the nearby bookshelf to steady himself.
There isn’t any sound to the images, but his ears ring.
Joel clinches his eyes shut, but that doesn’t stop the onslaught. There is a girl with close cropped hair hovering over him mouthing something that he can’t quite make out. She has a kind face and sad eyes. He thinks she is trying to help him.
There’s a heaviness on his chest that doesn’t make sense and he sees more then feels his coat being unzipped, his shirt moved and fingers probing at his ribs and shoulders. A different girl with black coiled hair crouches down and pulls his arm. Joel feels like he is back in the basement with them.
Images flash again; too fast for him to make any logical sense of. The two girls, Buttons, a dog, golf clubs, the couch, and Ellie.
She is too far away.
She’s always too far away, and she's leaving again.
Why is she leaving again?
The last image he sees as he fights his way out of the memories and half dreams is Ellie being whisked away by the snow in a red cloud. Joel is gasping for air as the ghost of Ellie fades, his heart thudding in his chest so hard he can feel it in his neck.
He’s no longer standing upright, instead he's curled in on himself. His shoulder aches and absentmindedly he knows that he must have fallen on it at some point.
He lays there on the cold cement floor of the garage until his heart rate slows enough for him to not feel it in every part of his body.
Joel doesn’t know how long he lays there, but he knows his face must be puffy and red from the tears that finally fall freely from his eyes.
* * *
At some point Joel must have fallen asleep in Ellie's studio. It’s not an unusual thing for him to do when he’s in town. He can count on one hand the amount of times he’s actually managed to sleep in his own bed since Ellie's left. Usually he makes it to her bed though, but at least he doesn’t wake up on the cold floor, having managed to move himself to the couch where he finds himself waking up now.
After the intensity of the flashback subsided Joel had spent the better part of the night trying to bring on another one. He doesn’t know what triggered the first one and all he ends up doing is giving himself a migraine.
Looking around the room, comics are thrown all over the coffee table and floor, either from when the initial flashback started or from Joel grabbing the ones from the bookcase hoping to retrigger his memories.
Nothing worked.
It’s early morning, that much he can tell from the grey light filtering in through the window. The sun is only just starting to make its trek across the sky. There aren’t any clocks in the room that actually work, power surges having taken them out in the time Joel’s been gone. He usually resets them on his first night home, but he hadn’t last night, too distracted by the memories flooding back to him.
Joel raises his watch to see what time it is: barely five in the morning. He sets out fixing the clocks in Ellie’s studio as well as gathering the comic book and putting them back where they go. The tasks don’t take long and with nothing left to do, Joel turns off the light that brought him there in the first place and steps back out into the cold.
He doesn’t realize how cold the garage is until he's back in his house. There’s a heater in the studio he could have turned on, but Joel never does. Maybe it’s a penitence he feels he has to pay every time he invades her space, among other sins.
It’s still too early to start the day, so Joel trudges up the stairs once again, knocks off his shoes at the doorway of his room and flops onto his bed. Buttons hops up on the bed too and curls in the space between his neck and shoulder, her fur tickling his nose. Joel must have been more exhausted than he thought or maybe it's the fact that he is finally laying down on a comfortable bed, but he’s asleep before he can gently move Buttons’ backside away from his face.
Joel wakes again to knocking on his front door. It’s almost enough to make him regret leaving the clinic. Peeling his eyes open, he can tell that it’s much later in the morning than when he first woke up by the sun streaming into his bedroom window.
Sighing, Joel rolls out of the bed and slowly makes his way down the stairs only to see that Tommy has let himself in and is making coffee in his kitchen.
Joel rolls his eyes. “Now why’d you go ahead and make all that ruckus if you weren't going to wait for me to let you in?”
Tommy shrugs his shoulders, laughing as he measures out the coffee grounds for a pour over. “You were too slow. Old man.”
“I’m still injured you dipshit.” Joel rolls up a kitchen towel and whips it at Tommy's backside. It barely grazes Tommy’s shirt, blowing more air at his back than anything else. “Also, I thought I told you to leave Ellie’s studio alone.”
“Hey, hey,” Tommy yelps, trying to get away from Joel’s assault and pour the hot water over the grounds at the same time. “I didn’t fucking touch Ellie’s room, quit hitting me.”
Joel drops his weapon to the floor when Tommy’s shoulders raise to his ears. Joel narrows his eyes at the back of his brother's head.
“I mean…” Tommy’s voice comes out so soft Joel has to strain his ears to hear him. Tommy shifts ever so slightly peaking over his shoulder at Joel. “It won’t happen again.”
Joel clears his throat. “I heard the Baltimores passed while I was gone.”
“Now who told you that?” Tommy fully turns around with two mugs full of coffee in his hands.
“Jesse.”
Tommy hms and nods, taking a sip of his own cup after handing Joel his. “Dinner?”
Joel shakes his head.
“I’m afraid that wasn’t actually a question,” Tommy says, “Ethan misses you and a nice meal with family would do you some good… after everything.”
Joel never could stand disappointing the little one and after a moment he relents with a nod. Tommy smiles and clinks his mug to Joel’s.
Tommy stays and cooks up a simple breakfast of eggs and bacon for them both to enjoy. All the while catching Joel up on all the town gossip he's missed since he's been gone. He briefly mentions putting Joel on the lookout wall soon until he’s feeling up to patrolling again… if he's up to patrolling again. Joel offers a simple nod to as he sips his coffee and Tommy barrels on, shifting the conversation to some small anecdote about high school children pranking their teacher.
It's a familiar routine for them. Something they have always done when Joel is back in town. It's comforting, in a way. Joel isn't expected to contribute much to the conversation and it's nice to just sit and listen to his brother's voice after so long away. There will be time for Joel to share stories of his travels and Tommy knows not to rush him. Joel nods when he feels it's appropriate, but he’s barely listening to the actual words coming out of Tommy's mouth. Choosing instead to get lost in the tone and pitch of his brother's voice until Tommy has to leave, saying something about having to make his patrol time. Tommy walks out of the house with a small smile, promising to make Joel's favorite for dinner.
Joel is once again left alone.
He tries to sit and rest on the couch like he knows he should, but he can't stay in the house.
With Tommy gone, the house suddenly feels too big, too quiet. Buttons rests on a windowsill in the living room, watching people walk by on the street, probably on their way to patrol or wherever else they are needed.
Joel isn't needed anywhere.
The thought leaves him feeling unmoored and he can no longer stand sitting still on a couch. Leaving his house brings with it a different set of challenges though. New faces wave at him like they know him and all he can do is nod back and hope they don’t want to strike up a conversation. Joel remembers a time when there wasn't a face in the town that he didn't recognize. Now, walking down the street Joel can count on one hand the amount of people he knows. To those few, he raises a hand in a wave, but he doesn't stop.
The snow on the ground is finally starting to melt away in places and Joel is able to walk on the well worn roads of his street without getting mud on his boots. It's still cold enough outside that he is grateful he instinctively threw on his light leather jacket before he left his house.
The pain in his ribs keeps him from fully drifting away into his thoughts. He doesn't have a destination for this walk. Normally, he would go to the Bison and start stockpiling on beer and horrible whiskey to survive his time in town, but this time he can't summon the energy to deal with Maria's disappointed looks, so he keeps circling his neighborhood instead.
He is on his third rotation when Jesse's words pop into his head. Before he can register where he's going, he finds himself at the front door of the Baltimore’s.
He knows it’s unlocked, but houses are hard to come by and anyone could be living there now. Jesse and Tommy didn’t say if it was empty. Joel could be about to walk in on a new family just trying to start something here. It would make him a terrible neighbor. The thought doesn’t stop him from turning the handle and opening the door.
On first impressions, Joel doesn't find anything of note. The living room is fairly clean with the same kind of lived-in furniture that every house in Jackson has. The coffee table has a few more water stains than he remembers it having a year ago, but that's to be expected with the amount of teenagers who lived here that never learned how to use a coaster. However, with each room Joel enters he finds the bedsheets thrown haphazardly to the ground, like someone left in a hurry.
Other than that there's nothing –not even the coffee grounds that Jesse had mentioned. Nothing that explains why Jesse brought up the Baltimores' passing in the tone he did or why Tommy changed the topic so quickly when Joel brought it up to him at breakfast.
Joel could just write it off. Blame it on his concussion. Blame it on paranoia from being on the road so long.
But no, it all still doesn't sit right with him. The feeling of missing something is too strong to ignore. Joel turns on his heels, returning to the rooms for a second search.
He’s in one of the bedrooms on the first floor when he spots something peeking out from under the bed. Finally some kind of clue as to who had been living in the house since the Baltimores passed. But when he bends to retrieve the item it's just a book. Flipping it around to look at the front cover Joel can see that it's actually not a book, but a graphic novel of the play Hamlet. It must have tumbled out of someone's bag when they left in a hurry.
Joel leaves the house with more questions than answers and a new graphic novel tucked under his arm.
* * *
The walk to Tommy’s that evening is a relatively easy affair. Joel still has to move slowly to not aggravate his ribs too much, he might have overdone his exercise for the day with his unexpected laps around the neighborhood that afternoon, but the pain is grounding and almost nice.
There are more people out and about then there were earlier in the day. Thankfully no one stops to chat with him so he arrives at Tommy's earlier than they agreed upon. Joel is up the short steps to the porch and in the house without knocking like he has done countless times in the past. The smell of a roast fills the air as soon as he enters.
Tommy's house has a more closed layout then Joel's, so unlike his own, Joel can't see his brother from the doorway. Judging by the volume of music playing on the old record player in the living room, Joel doubts that Tommy even heard him enter.
Maria must be in the kitchen with Tommy too because voices layer on top of the music making it impossible for Joel to hear them clearly. Following the sound and his nose down the hallway to the kitchen, Joel stops when he is finally able to distinguish what they are saying over the music.
“You can’t keep doing this to yourself,” Maria says. Joel can’t see her from where he stands in the hallway, but he can imagine the look on her face as she says it. “What happened wasn’t your fault. Trusting someone doesn’t make you a fool. It makes you human."
“She asked about him that night… At the dance,” Tommy says in a hushed whisper. If the songs weren’t changing on the record player then Joel probably wouldn’t have heard him. “Asked if he arrived with anyone when he came from Boston. I should have known then. I should have figured it out. I should have locked her the fuck up.”
”Torturing yourself over the should’ves of that night isn’t going to change anything. Joel is alive. He’s here. He’s in town . That's what’s important right now.”
The couple fell silent for a long moment. So long that Joel contemplates moving back to the front door and making his presence better known. He takes one step in that direction before he is rooted in his spot, listening again.
"I should've fought harder to keep them here… back then. They should have never gone to Salt Lake City in the first place."
“What’s this really about?”
“She never said where they went after Colorado,” Tommy says. “That doctor, her dad… Jerry. They must have gone to Salt Lake City. If they had stayed—"
“Then Ellie would have still run away." Maria's voice rises above even the music playing in the living room. “She would have found a way to get there herself. Only then she would have been much younger and a whole lot less prepared than she was two years ago.”
In a softer tone Maria continues. “And no one would have been there to save her when she needed it. You can't live in the what-if's of the past. You can't change what‘s already happened. The people who hurt Joel are gone and he's still alive. That’s what matters now. Can we try to have a nice evening?"
Joel doesn't hear a verbal reply from Tommy, but he must have nodded or something because the next time Maria speaks she sounds a lot closer to the hallway than she sounded throughout the whole conversation. "I have to go pick up Ethan from school. Joel should be here soon okay?"
With no time to go back to the front door and pretend he just got there, Joel ducks into the first floor bathroom and thanks whatever God there still is that the door was slightly open anyway and doesn't squeak. He makes it in the room and behind the door with just enough time to see Maria's shadow walk by. He waits until he hears the door close and then he waits the length of two songs for good measure before he exits the bathroom and slowly enters the kitchen where Tommy leans over the stove.
Joel doesn't know how to feel about getting more information by eavesdropping on his own brother then by talking to him, but it's a tiny step closer to getting some kind of closure.
“You know, staring at it won’t make the water boil any faster,” Joel says, pushing away his thoughts.
Tommy jumps slightly, backing away from the stove and curses under his breath. “Don’t fucking do that to me, asshole. Don’t think just cause you're injured I won’t still beat your ass.”
Joel laughs at his empty threats. "You need any help in here?"
“Nah. It'll be done soon." Tommy waves him away. "You know where the beer is, grab one and rest.” He raises a brow mockingly, “If you can remember how to, that is.”
A soft chuckle escapes Joel’s lips. With a roll of his eyes he does as Tommy suggests, grabbing a beer from the fridge and moving to the living room.
“Maria’ll be back soon," Tommy calls to him on his way out. "She’s just picking Ethan up from school. Margaret stayed late with him today.”
Joel nods, taking a sip of his beer and continues to the living room.
Aside from the different toys littering the floor, it's the same as Joel remembers. The same old couch takes up a sizable amount of space next to a La-Z-Boy. The rug still has the coffee stain from when Joel spilled his drink trying to catch Ethan as he took his first steps.
On further inspection, there are subtle changes to the house. A new clock in the corner, the coffee table looks new or refurbished based on the lack of water stains, and there's a new knit blanket folded over the back of the La-Z-Boy, but the room still has the same feel to it. It's still unmistakably a home.
Tommy's home.
Nothing like his own house a few streets over.
Joel eases himself onto the couch, pointedly avoiding looking at the fireplace and the reminder that he has once again failed and takes a sip of his beer. The cool liquid does little to numb the pain he feels in his ribs, but the sense of normalcy is welcomed.
Thankfully, Joel doesn’t have to wait long before the front door opens and Maria enters with a sleeping Ethan in her arms. She nods to him in greeting and places Ethan down next to him on the couch.
“Long day?” Joel asks, getting a good look at her. Even with the extra weight of her son out of her hand she still seems to carry the load of the whole town on her shoulders.
Maria nods, taking her seat in the chair next to the couch and kicking her feet up onto the coffee table. “You have no idea.”
Joel tips his bottle in slow spirals, the conversation he overheard replays in his head and he would give anything to question her about it. Something tells him that he’d get far more answers from her than his own brother, but the words don’t form quickly enough on his tongue.
“Food’s almost ready!” Tommy shouts from the kitchen.
Joel stands, needing to do something to distract himself and gestures for Maria to stay put when she makes a move to get up. “You rest up, I’ll put out the plates and such.”
“You’re our guest Joel,” Maria says, standing up anyway. “And your injured. You should be the one resting up.”
”I’ve been resting all day,” Joel lies. “Let me be useful.”
Maria examines him for a moment. “Together then?”
Joel relents with a shrug and they both enter the kitchen.
Getting the table set is an easy task for Joel. Nothing in Tommy’s kitchen is hard to find and with Maria’s help the table is set just as Tommy calls out that the food is ready.
“Hey little buddy,” Joel says when Ethan starts to stir on the couch. His little brown eyes blink up at him in confusion.
Ethan rubs the sleep out of his eyes and looks at Joel again before sitting up and reaching out to him. Joel sits back down on the couch and pulls him over, wrapping an arm around his nephew. The four year old buries his head into Joel's side, hitting right below his bruised ribs.
"Hey," Joel grunts, trying to hide his pain in a quick short laugh. "I’m still a little beat up a bit so be careful.”
Ethan ignores him and rubs his head against Joel's side again, though with less force this time and Joel can't bring himself to care about his injuries anymore as he runs a hand over the tight braids on his nephew's head.
“Ok food time.” Maria interrupts the sleepy reunion to pick Ethan up and take him to the table with Joel following close behind.
Only when they are all settled with food in front of them does Ethan finally start to wake up a bit more. His tired eyes blink and look around the room as meat and potatoes are passed and Tommy goes on about how good Jesse is at running the patrols now.
Ethan’s eyes narrow and his head tilts to one side in innocent confusion. “Where’s Ellie?”
Tommy stops talking in the middle of his sentence.
Maria pauses with a bowl of green beans lifted really to pass.
Joel stops chewing.
“Where’s Ellie?” Ethan asks again like they all didn’t hear him.
Joel finally swallows the bite of food in his mouth, feeling a headache start to press against his temples. Whether it's from unshed tears or a hold over from his concussion he isn't sure, but he pushes on. “Ellie’s not here, little man.”
“But she was here,” Ethan’s eyebrows pinch together. “She said she’d come back and play with me. She promised.”
“That’s enough Ethan." Tommy tries to interrupt. "Eat some food.”
“When was this?” Joel asks, ignoring Tommy. It isn’t the first time Ethan has asked for his cousin, but he hasn't in a long time and he's never said that she had promised to come back to play with him before.
"He must have had some kind of weird dream," Tommy again cuts in with a nervous laugh. "That's all."
“No it wasn't a dream daddy." Ethan says, growing more visibly upset at no one answering him. "She came with the strong lady, remember?”
"Strong lady?" Joel whispers then louder over the sound of the beginnings of a four year old's tantrum. "When was she here?"
“Joel drop it,” Tommy bites out through clenched teeth.
“Ethan, when did you last see Ellie?” Joel tries to soften his tone for the kid, but the damage is done. Ethan’s bottom lip quivers and he dives into his mother’s lap.
“Okay enough. Tommy, tell him or I will,” Maria says standing with Ethan in her arms, “but leave Ethan out of this bullshit.”
Maria leaves the room with Ethan in her arms all the while trying to calm the child before he works himself into a bigger fit over it.
“Tommy.”
“No we aren’t doing this.” Tommy pushes himself away from the table. “You just came back."
Tommy turns away from him quickly, but it's not fast enough to hide the tears gathering in his eyes. Then quietly, almost too quietly for Joel not to hear, he continues, "I just got you back.”
He stands, still facing away from Joel, in the archway leading to the living room, fingers rubbing the bridge of his nose. Joel tries to find anything else in the room to focus on instead of the movement, looking past him into the living room. From his seat the only thing he can see clearly is the fireplace. The candles on the mantle in front of the memorial needs replacing, the white of the wax nearly completely gone. Briefly Joel wonders how often they light it.
There was a time when Joel would light the candle himself, twice a year. Once for Sarah's birthday and the other to memorialize her death. Almost without permission Joel shifts his gaze up to the one place he had been avoiding. It's a simple chalkboard with two names and two sets of dates written there in white.
But that's not right . Joel pulls his eyebrows together. The last time he was here there had been three names and sets of dates written. For the last two years, it has been the reason he could never bring himself to look at the mantel.
The headache that has been slowly building since Ethan mentioned Ellie finally reaches its peak and for a moment Joel listens to the doctors. He doesn't try to poke at it . He doesn't try to focus. He doesn't try to remember anything. And memories cascade over him.
The sea of Infected.
Saving Abby.
Her subsequent betrayal and…
Ellie.
The memories still feel far away like he has to wade through water to grab at them and still, some manage to slip through his fingers.
But that memory stays. Ellie was there in that basement. She wasn’t some deathly apparition greeting him and ushering him to his afterlife. She was there. She was the real, living, breathing her .
Joel’s heart winces painfully and he grabs at his chest.
Ellie is alive.
Not only that, but she looked good. She looked healthy. She looked strong. But the more Joel tries to reach for the memories the farther away they seem. His head aches with the retrieval of the memories. He can see her talking to him—to them — but the sound is muffled and he can’t recall what was said in its entirety, but he can tell it was important.
“It was never a hallucination was it?” Joel asks, mostly to himself. His eyes unfocused shift from the mantle place to the back of Tommy's head until he turns to face him. “Ellie was there in that basement.”
There is pain in Tommy's eyes when he finally looks at Joel. “Look at yourself. She tried to kill you.”
“I’m alive right now because of her and you know it.” Joel shakes his head. “She’s your niece.”
“She was family. Just like Sarah," Tommy laughs without humor. The pain in his eyes, replaced with anger. "But she stopped being any kind of niece of mine when she led killers straight to our doorstep. Killers that need I remind you, where here to kill you . Not to mention she’s dating one of them. The little girl you knew is gone, Joel. The sooner you realize that, the better.”
“Shut up,” Joel retorts through gritted teeth. “You weren’t fucking there in that room.”
“You can’t remember it!”
“I remember enough to know that she saved my life.”
Tommy scoffs, “You're selling yourself a fantasy there brother. She doesn’t care about you or anyone here. She made that clear when she left two years ago and even more clear when she left close to a month ago.”
“And you made it clear you don’t care about her every time I leave to find her.”
"What would you have me do then? Leave my family to go chase after the broken pieces of yours? Pieces that, mind you, don't want to be found. She could have come back at any time. But she chooses to stay far, far away from you. That was her choice."
Joel pushes his plate away from him and stands, storming out of the house as fast as his injuries will let him.
Tommy follows him outside. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“Away from your pigheaded self. I’m not going to sit around and listen to you badmouth my daughter.”
“She’s not your fucking daughter anymore!”
“You don’t get to decide that for me.”
"No she did, two years ago!"
Joel doesn't think, he swings. The punch doesn't collect, Tommy catches his arm in the air, stopping him dead.
“What are you doing, Joel?”
Joel hears the desperation in Tommy’s voice and rips his arm out of his brother's hold.
"You don't have any right to tell me when to give up," Joel grits out, turning away from the tears gathering in Tommy's eyes.
Tommy moves to follow him again. "Where are you going?"
"Where else?" Joel whips around to him again. "Where the fuck else can I go like this, but home? It'd be a death sentence if I go looking for her now. So don't fucking follow me, Tommy. I don't want to even look at you right now."
That more than anything makes Tommy stop in his tracks. Joel knows that Tommy doesn’t, or at least, shouldn’t believe him now. Because while yes, he is still injured he could never be too injured to go after his daughter and they both know that on some level.
Joel watches Tommy for a moment before turning and continuing down the street.
“And after you heal?” Tommy yells at his back.
Joel doesn’t answer. He doesn’t need to.
Tommy knows exactly where he will go.
He has a baseline of where to start looking. He remembers that the jacket, Abby's jacket, had Washington written on it and he's willing to bet that meant the state and not the capitol.
It was something. It was more than anything he based previous searches on. Joel walks up his porch steps, pulling a paper out of his back left pocket as he enters his house. It's a letter he hasn't actually read in two years. He could never bring himself to throw it away, no matter how many times he tried, it always just ended up back in his pocket.
He opens it carefully now.
The paper soft with age and a bit crumbled in parts. She had so many questions back then that deserve answers. But the one thing that kept him going, kept him looking for her when he knew he should stop, was that last sentence.
Joel runs a finger over those words. Forget about this piece of cargo.
He has never been good with words, but she has to know that she is worth so much more to him than cargo. And if she doesn't then he has to tell her. Joel is half way through packing his bag on the kitchen counter before he realizes what he is even doing, the letter once again tucked into his back pocket.
Buttons hops up and sniffs at a spare set of socks laying on the counter. Joel absentmindedly scratches behind the cat's ear.
“I can’t take you with me this time,” he mutters.
It’s a realization that stops him in his tracks. This creature that for so many months was the only thing keeping him going is just not going to be with him for this next leg and he can’t just leave her here either. Tommy will probably come and check on him in the morning after he cools off so she will probably be okay if he leaves her here. The thought weighs heavy on his heart and he knows that that level of uncertainty will haunt him.
Picking her up, Joel cradles the cat in his arms and leaves his house once again.
The walk to the Chans’ house isn’t long. No house is ever that hard to get to in Jackson and when he knocks on the door, Dina answers.
“Hey, is Jesse in?” Joel asks.
“Um,” Dina says, confusion clear in her voice. “Yeah, come on in, I'll grab him.”
“No, that's okay. I didn’t mean to disturb you.”
“It’s not a problem Joel.” Dina holds the door open wider and Joel finally steps in. “It’s good to see you up and walking around again.”
Joel nods at her, “I heard you were living here too. It’s good to see you. Just wish it was under different circumstances.”
“What is it?” Jesse asks, walking down the stairs in his pajamas.
“I need to ask a favor of you two.”
The couple look at each other, eyebrows pinching together slightly, but they each nod.
“Can I leave this cat with you two for the time being?" Joel tries to keep a nonchalant air to his movements. He hopes it translates well. "It’s just a little hard bending down to feed her and all that, you know. You two would be better at caring for her then me right now.”
Dina is the first to move. It's hesitant, but she reaches out and takes the cat from his arms. “Sure, Joel.”
Joel doesn’t even know what he looks like to her at the moment, but the sadness and care in her eyes tell him that it must not be good. He nods his thanks, unable to really look either of them in the eye and quickly turns to leave before they can ask him any more questions.
He can feel their eyes watching him leave for a moment before they close their door. Joel can only hope that Jesse doesn't blame himself come morning when Tommy is likely to flip at Joel's departure, but he couldn't think of another person he would trust to take care of Buttons in his absence.
Back at his house, Joel finishes packing his bag with extra ammo and a simple change of clothes for when the season changes. He takes a quick look around to make sure he didn't forget anything and spies the graphic novel he found at the Baltimores’ house. He picks the book up, flipping it over a few times and packs that too if for nothing else than some light reading on the road.
With a deep breath, Joel turns out the lights in his house for the last time.
* * *
Winter fades to a cool spring on the road to Seattle and Joel’s injuries heal to a dull ache that he only really feels when he twists the wrong way. He traveled for a full two days when he left Jackson either walking the horse or galloping, but he kept moving. He hadn’t left a note for his brother, he didn’t need to, Tommy would know exactly where he was heading. The chance of anyone coming after him was slim to none. No one ever had in the past, but something in Tommy’s eyes that night made Joel not want to risk slowing down until he was far enough away to not get dragged back.
“We’re almost there, old boy,” Joel says, patting Old Bready’s neck. Vegetation clings to every surface of every building, sign, and wall he comes across. He can still make out the words on the sign saying Welcome to Seattle when they get to it though. “Won’t be long now.”
Joel tries to quiet the voice in his head telling him that this was all a big mistake. Who knows how many ex-Fireflies are in Washington that might want to kill him too. He pushes away the voice that says Tommy is right. Ellie could have stayed if she wanted to. But a louder voice knows that he would not be able to survive without trying to at least talk to her. It won't fix everything, not by a long shot, but it might be a start. And a start is all he can really hope for.
A start is the only thing he can live for.
And it is that hope that he takes with him as he reaches the wall to the Seattle Quarantine Zone and sees the words written there:
WLF Trespassers Killed on Sight!
Notes:
Hello y'all!
Thank you for reading. I know it was a long wait for this one so I hope you enjoyed the chapter!
I have been thinking about this decision a lot recently and in order to produce the best ending to this story, I feel like I need to go on a bit of a hiatus. You have all been amazingly patient and so lovely in the comments. So this hiatus is mostly to alleviate the pressure that I put on myself to post. I really hate that I have been leaving you all in the dark for updates, so I’m hoping this will be a better solution for everyone.
I AM NOT ABANDONING THIS STORY!
REPEAT, I AM NOT ABANDONING THIS STORY!!!!!
From the very beginning I wanted to be transparent and keep to an upload schedule, but as one year became two, I found it hard to keep up with drafting, editing, and uploading all in one week. With a hiatus, it will give me time to produce the chapters that I am proud of and not leave you all in the dark for when I'll update next. I feel like this chapter is the best place to pause for the time being.
Well… maybe not the best place, but it was the best place I could find as it feels like a natural place to pause. Think of it as an ending to season two and season three will be here before you know it. (Not for the first time do I wish I had broken this story up into parts, but it's a little too late to do that now.)
With this all in mind, I want to give myself some time to at least finish rough drafting the rest of the story. So the hiatus will be for 6 months with a return date of July 19th 2025 (EST) regardless of if I have the whole story fully drafted or not. I’ll obviously be able to tell you if weekly or twice weekly updates are back at that time. If I come back early it will be because the rest of the story is fully edited and ready for posting.
If you have any questions, want to check up on how I’m doing, or see if I’m still on track to start posting again in July, you can feel free to comment below at any time and I’ll answer. You can also find me on Tumblr at https://www.tumblr.com/randomgirlreading
In conclusion, I WILL BE BACK!
I hope I’ll see you all sooner, but if not I’ll be back JULY 19th 2025 (EST)
Much love!
Chapter 37: Chapter 37
Summary:
I'm back bitches ( I say bitches affectionately of course.)
I feel like I don't even know how to do this anymore lol. But here I am! It's currently 3:03am on July 19th, but I wanted you guys to have it as soon as possible. I appreciate all of your patients with me and my hiatus (trust me it was much needed).
The chapter you are about to read went through a lot of changes and actually ended up being spilt into three chapters so this one is more of a filler/ set up chapter. I know it's not the most exciting chapter to come back to, but I hope you still enjoy it.
Chapter summery:
The crew travels back to Seattle.
This story was inspired by "Both Sides Now" by fuckingvideogames.
Enjoy!
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Abby wakes in a cold sweat, reaching for a body that isn't there.
For the past three nights she's been plagued by the same dream, always waking only to reach out for the same person. In the dream, she's back in the hospital running through those twisting halls, gun in hand. She runs as fast as she can, but her legs feel heavy, like she’s wading through molasses. When she finally makes it to the door and pushes it open the room morphs into that basement. There's a body lying on a hospital gurney in the middle of the room, auburn locks covering the face and red liquid dripping from her hands. Abby doesn't have to see who it is to know. A man stands over the body and Abby can't tell if his hair is brown or blond. She can't tell if he's trying to hurt or help this dream version of Ellie because he doesn't turn when Abby enters. He doesn't even move.
Abby wakes with the memory of smoke rising from her gun.
Her mouth is dry, like she spent the whole night yelling. She grabs her water bottle from next to her and chugs enough of the liquid to dispel the sick feeling in her stomach.
Late last night, the Salt Lake Crew and… Ellie stopped to rest in an old house on the edge of a town called Yakima, according to the signs they passed on their way in. They aren't far from Seattle now; they should arrive at the stadium by lunch time at the latest, and that—more than the dream—has Abby's stomach in a twist.
After two days of driving, Abby had finally agreed to Manny's request of taking over for the rest of the trip. This decision left her with too much time to think and not enough time to plan. Not that she was doing much of that while driving, but at least it kept her hands and mind occupied. Issac would be expecting some kind of report when they get back and Abby will have to be the one to give it. But how can she tell him that this whole trip meant nothing? That she choked at the last moment?
That she failed?
Abby runs her hands over her eyes, rubbing at the corners, trying to soothe the oncoming headache. The sky turns gray through the window, but the sunrise is still hours away. She could lay back down and try to get some more sleep. She should lay back down and get more sleep, but after that nightmare she has no desire to have a repeat viewing. The man hovering over Ellie still haunts her. Even after three nights of the same dream, Abby still can't tell if the man is Joel… or her father. The thought turns sour in her stomach once again and she can no longer stay in the bed.
Getting up, Abby can't help but glance out the window. The grass and bushes below sway slightly with the wind, but no other creature or Infected disturbs the forest. When she chose the top floor of this rundown house it was mostly as an escape from the others, but she has to admit that this view did help.
Sighing, Abby steps away from the window and exits the room, not bothering to close the door behind her. It's still too early for anyone to be up yet and she isn't planning on going anywhere for too long. She just needs to get outside.
Needs to hit something.
Needs to come up with what to say to Isaac.
Abby's already lost in thought when she makes it to the bottom of the stairs heading into the living room and sees Ellie fast asleep on the couch, Beans laying by her side on the ground. Ellie has her hoodie balled up in the crook of her arms and one hand hangs down resting on Beans's head, like she fell asleep petting the dog. Which—in all honesty—is probably exactly what happened.
The sight of her stops Abby in her tracks.
For two days Abby hasn't been outwardly hostile towards Ellie, but then again they also haven't spoken to each other. No matter how much Abby would like to, she just can't bring herself to go down that path.
Not again.
Not now.
Not yet.
It doesn't stop Abby from staring at Ellie every time she thinks no one is watching though. It doesn't stop her from going to her side now. There's a lock of Ellie’s hair that has broken free from her low ponytail that covers part of her face and Abby can't resist the urge to tuck the strands back behind her ear.
The skin of Ellie's forehead is smooth where Abby's fingers brush against it, soothing the slight frown she always seems to wear in her sleep. How many times has Abby done this same action over the last two years? How many times has she tried to smooth out that frown? At least now she knows why it was there in the first place.
Beans stands abruptly, freezing Abby in place and she watches intensely for any indication that Ellie might also be waking up. When she doesn't move, Abby takes the small blanket hanging over the couch's back and drapes it over Ellie's body. Ellie turns slightly in her sleep barreling more into the couch cushions and Abby freezes again. When she settles, Abby steps away from the couch and moves to the door. Beans tries to follow her out, but Abby blocks her exit closing the door behind her before the dog can shoot through it. It's a little mean, that much Abby can acknowledge, but she needs Beans to stay with Ellie. At least for now. So she resolves to be a little mean even if it breaks a small part of her. She's familiar with that feeling by now.
Spring has fully taken over the land and even in the gray predawn, flower buds can still be seen breaking through the dark green of the forest that edges around the neighborhood. It’s a far cry from the snowy landscape of the mountains just three days ago. They haven’t needed to camp out in the wild since that first night on the road after Jackson.
That night, the dinner around the makeshift fire pit had been tense with everyone too afraid to break the silence. Abby knows they were waiting on her. After all, she was the reason they had left Seattle in the first place. She was the one dragging them into things that they had no desire being a part of. She should have gone alone, or maybe just with Manny. He’s the only one that still seemed to be on her side anymore even if he still makes it known that he disagrees with her letting Joel live in the end. He’s let it go now, or at least he’s stopped trying to pull her aside and convince her to go back. So Abby knows whatever she decides to tell Issac he will corroborate.
Nick, Leah, and Jordan seem to have put the whole trip behind them already and have started joking around with each other like nothing happened. Like it was all just a vacation they all took together. It doesn’t surprise Abby in the slightest, Jordan and Nick didn’t really lose anyone in the massacre and Leah only came into their group on the way to Seattle. Issac wouldn’t ask them any questions directly anyway and even if he did they’d likely adhere to whatever the majority of the group says.
Owen and Mel have come together to protect Ellie the best they can. They hardly leave her side for a moment anymore. A part of Abby can’t help but be thankful for that. The other part wants to hit herself for thinking it. It had started that first night when they had to camp out on the side of the road. There wasn't even a conversation about it, just an extra bedroll being set up in Mel and Owen's tent. It’s easy to see that they would fight for Ellie no matter what.
Nora’s the only one that Abby can’t quite place. She’s been setting herself apart from the others equally. Eating alone, not talking during the journey, and switching cars every time they stop. Abby would actually be impressed with her dedication to neutrality, if it didn't feel like an avalanche is about to cascade over her at a moment's notice.
Abby doesn’t know how long she has been circling the house on a path through the woods for, running through different scenarios. While she doesn't think any of her friends would contradict what she plans to tell Isaac, he could still interrogate them.
It’s a dumb thought.
What reason would he have to care that much about a mission only Abby wanted to do? She could tell him that Joel turned into a magic butterfly and granted her three wishes before bursting into flames and his only question would be why she didn't wish for all the Scars to drop dead where they stand.
Morning light finally starts to break through the trees, shaking Abby out of her spiraling thoughts. Isaac has no reason not to believe her and he has no reason to ask anyone but her any questions about the mission. She can tell him whatever she wants and the team will just have to go along with it.
It’s a bitter thought, knowing that no matter what story she goes with, it ends here. It ends today. There will be no other missions. There will be no other leads. She left Joel there in the basement broken, bleeding, half dead, but still breathing.
Still alive.
She chose him over her dad. She let him live and she can’t take that decision back. She can’t go back there and finish it. She can’t turn back the clock. And even if she could, she would turn it all the way back to four years ago. She would have never gone on patrol that day. She would have stayed right there in that operating room with her father. She would have been there to defend him when no one else did. She would have stood there in front of him, Joel’s gun pointed at her temple.
The image of Ellie standing in the basement doing just that for Joel flashes through Abby’s mind unwelcomed.
It’s a shocking enough mental image that Abby doesn’t even hear the twigs breaking or the branches brushing against a body. The next thing she sees is a Runner bursting through the line of trees on the far side of the house coming straight for her.
"Fuck!?" Abby shouts, hands instinctively reaching for her gun at her side only to find the space empty. Her heart sinks. Like the idiot she is, she had left everything—her pack, her gun, everything— upstairs.
Cursing under her breath she doesn't have time to think about how stupid that was. She knows that she's closer to the Humvees than the house and before she makes a conscious decision she is already running to where they parked the cars last night. She doesn't look back to see how close the Runner is or if there is anymore Infected chasing her. All she can zero in on are the Humvees getting closer.
There are guns there. All she has to do is get there.
She makes the mistake of turning around when her hand reaches the handle to see not one Infected, but five closing in on her fast. She yanks the handle hard and launches herself into the back seat of the Humvee, closing the door fast behind her. The car shakes with the force of bodies knocking into the side of it again and again. Abby climbs to the front and opens the glove box where they keep an extra hand gun and some stray bullets.
The Humvee still shakes slightly, but there is a reason the WLF uses these vehicles and it's not because someone thinks they look cool. Abby grabs the glock and removes the magazine, checking how many bullets the gun has. There's only five bullets in the clip and after double checking the glove box that's how many she has to work with.
"I guess there's one for each of you then," Abby mutters, looking out the window. There's two Runners and one Stalker in her line of vision. The other two are nowhere to be seen, but that isn't something Abby has time to dwell on at the moment.
Abby cracks the door open and lets out a shot as a Runner grips the door and yanks it the rest of the way open. Her next shot lands square in the Infected's head, but she doesn't have time to celebrate that small victory before another Runner tries to climb over that one to get to her.
Two more shots ring out. One just barely grazes the ear of the Runner while the other hits home and the Runner collapses on top of the other.
"Fuck!" Abby shouts. She’s wasted too many bullets and now she can't even camp out in the car safely because of these two fucking Infected are blocking the door open.
Looking around for the other three, Abby plasters her back to the driver's side door waiting for one of them to reveal themselves. If she can make it to the other Humvee she might be able to wait out there until the rest of the team wakes up. They should have heard the gunshots by now because if they didn't then she truly is fucked.
Abby turns to open the drivers side door when an Infected barrels into the small space through the passenger door climbing over it's companions in the hopes of getting to her. She barely has time to react, firing blindly into the space in front of her.
The Stalker falls onto the others, a bullet lodged in its brain.
Abby can't believe her aim mostly because she didn't aim at all. There are still two Infected out there somewhere and Abby is out of bullets. Looking more closely at the latest Infected, Abby can see the entrance hole in the back of its head. She whips her head up to see a figure running closer to the car, scanning the tree line with their gun at the ready.
"Are you okay?" Ellie asks when she makes it to the driver's side of the car and rips open the door. "Are you bit?"
There's worry clear in her tone and she's already practically patting Abby down before she has a chance to say anything.
"There's two more," Abby says instead of answering, adrenaline still coursing through her vines as she pushes Ellie away. "I'm fine, I got these three before they could get to me."
"There's none left then. Popped two in the head before the door closed behind me." Ellie pushes Abby's bag into her chest. "And care to tell me why the hell you left without your bag? And guns."
Looking out at the lawn, Abby can see that Ellie is right. All five Infected are accounted for and laying defeated on the ground. Beans stands over one of them, sniffing at the mushrooms growing out of the Clickers head, her tail wagging before she sneezes, shakes her head, and trots over to them.
"Why'd you go in my room?"
"Relax, the door was open and I could see it from the living room. I wasn't snooping."
Abby lets out a short laugh. The first in what feels like a long time. A smile tugs at Ellie's lips and it feels good just talking to her like normal. So good that Abby wishes she could forget everything and just live in this moment. But as with the nature of moments, they tend to end as quickly as they start.
This one ends as six people exit the house – having clearly just woken up based on their varying states of undress. Each has their guns raised ready to fight off the threat that's no longer there.
"You're all a bit late to the party," Abby yells.
"What the fuck happened?" Manny asks, looking around at the three Infected piled up in the passenger side of the car and the two others laying face down in the mud.
Abby watches Ellie's light smile fade as she takes a step away from her. The action tugs at something in Abby's chest that she can't name and the moment they shared is truly gone like it had never happened.
"What does it look like?" Abby says, trying to sound light. Trying to sound like there isn't ash in her lungs. She clears her throat before continuing and deliberately tries not to look at Ellie again. "Now let's clear out these Infected, clean the cab as best we can, and get the fuck out of here."
* * *
They get to Seattle in a little under three hours with no other surprises. The incident at the house keeps running through Abby's mind even as they pull up to the Wall. The look in Ellie's eyes when she asked if Abby was bitten plays back in her head as Manny slows to a stop and honks the Humvee's horn. In the moment it was hard to place, but now that Abby has a moment to dissect it, the look was that of pure horror.
Terrified.
Abby shakes her head to rid herself from the memory when the gate opens and a man steps out with a rifle slung over his shoulder. He eyes the cars suspiciously until he sees Manny.
“Hey, Jeremy,” Manny calls, holding his hand out through the window.
"Well, look what the cat dragged in. We had a bet going on if you guys would come back." Jeremy grabs his hand in a short but familiar hand shake then recoils back a step, the back of his hand coming up to cover his nose. "What the fuck is that smell?"
"Oh, you know. Nothing like Infected guts in the morning. Had a little run in with a small group on our way back and… Well, let's just say there's a reason all the windows are rolled down." Manny leans forward, dropping his voice conspiratorially. “How's it been here? Any good gossip since we've been gone?"
Jeremy's easy smile fades. He looks back at the gate and after seeing no one close by, moves closer to the window. "Dougan left. Took a few people with him too. No one knows where he went, but Issac is beyond pissed. They had some kind of fight a little bit after you guys left and two days ago he was just gone."
"Is Isaac still at the Stadium?" Abby speaks up, leaning forward from the backseat.
Jeremy nods. "Last I heard. But he's been spending more time at the FOB. You might still be able to catch him before he leaves again. I’ll radio ahead and let him know you’re back. He’ll want you to report directly to him when you get to the Stadium."
"Well then we better get going," Manny says, "I'm sure he'll want the full run down."
Jeremy taps the beltline of the window, waving them through the gate and Manny drives on with the other car following behind.
The roads leading to the Stadium are quiet and they drive into the garage a little after lunch time.
Abby grabs her bag from the floor of the back seat, but she doesn't move. She can't. Her car empties and still she is stuck there while the others unpack the car. She watches Ellie get out of the other Humvee with Mel, helping her down the short jump. Abby's aware of the increase in Mel's morning sickness. The journey back has been particularly difficult for her and she looks a little pale. Ellie reaches back into the cab and grabs a shoe. By the look on her face Abby can guess Mel must have gotten sick in it, yet Ellie's still wearing both her shoes and so is Mel and Owen for that matter. Nick walking around the truck in socks answers the question of who the shoe belongs to.
Abby can feel the slow smile spread across her lips as she watches Ellie hand the shoe back to Nick with a pat on his arm. The moment doesn't last, no matter how much Abby wishes it would.
"You ready," Manny asks, breaking her away from the scene. He's leaning half in the frame of the driver's side door looking back at her. "Or are you just going to sit there?"
Abby rolls her eyes and exits the cab of the car. Shoulding her bag, she gives the scene by the other car one last look before following Manny out the garage doors.
______
Nothing feels the same when Ellie gets back to the Stadium. Nothing has been the same since even before they got to Seattle.
Why should it? Ellie has betrayed every single person she knows.
Joel, Tommy, Maria…
Abby.
Yet, for some reason Owen and Mel are still by her side. They never left her alone for the entire journey back. Always offering a seat in their car and a bed in their tent. That would all have to change now that they're back though. Now that she could be stationed anywhere in Seattle or be paired off with anyone for patrol. That of course will depend entirely on what Abby tells Isaac though. At the thought, Ellie looks over to Abby sitting in the back seat of the other Humvee. They had cleaned the car out the best they could, but no one wanted to sit on the seat that had the bodies of three Infected piled on top of each other. If Abby was at all shaken by the early morning attack she doesn't show it. Not now that is, but Ellie did see it.
She saw it in the way Abby insisted on reloading all of their weapons herself. She saw it in each failed attempt at humor as the team cleaned the car. She saw it in the deep controlled breaths she took seconds after the attack.
Without thought Ellie finds herself watching Abby more closely. Not that she wasn't watching her before, but this is different. She can't help but to think of Sam hiding his bite. Logically she knows Abby would never do that. It's a conversation they've had before after other close calls. Abby would never endanger everyone at the Stadium. Still it's a mental image Ellie thought she banished from her mind years ago, but Ellie can still hear Henry's gun shots and her own scream echo in her ear.
Ellie has been moving mostly on autopilot since this morning. Only really snapping out of it enough to grab Nick's shoe and thrust it under Mel before she puked all over the backseat of the Humvee on their way through the Wall.
When Nick rounds the back of the car in his socks, Ellie holds out the offending shoe to him.
"Thanks again for your sacrifice," Ellie says, patting his shoulder as he looks briefly into the confines of the shoe only to close it tight again with a gag. "I can probably get April to trade a new pair for a tattoo design."
Still making a face at the shoe, Nick sighs, "Thanks, Ells."
"Sorry," Mel calls out, but Nick just waves her off and tosses his shoe into the trash.
"You should go get checked up now that we're back," Owen says, dropping down the tarps and tents from the top of the Humvee. Ellie stands tall, ready to catch the next bundle he throws down, but it slips through her fingers when she catches a glimpse of Abby's blonde braid and strong build leaving the garage. "Ellie, can you take her while I finish this?"
"Hmm?" Ellie says, waiting for the words to register in her head. "Sure, yeah. No problem."
"I think I can manage on my own," Mel grumbles. Owen gives her an exasperated look until she relents.
Mel slides her hand through Ellie's arm leading her away from the garage. Ellie pats her leg once and Beans hops out of the bed on the Humvee to follow them out. They don't talk on the way, which Ellie is thankful for. Mel is always good at knowing when Ellie wants to talk and when she doesn't. There are just too many thoughts running rampant in her head to be much of a conversationalist anyway. Mel had tried to start conversations on the road, but after the fifth time that Ellie asked her to repeat the question she gave up. Ellie's mind was too filled with her own questions and all of them surrounding Abby and what to do now. Do things just go back to normal? Is she even still welcomed in her own room?
When they get to the medical wing Mel stops her.
"It'll be okay," she says, squeezing Ellie's arm before letting go. Something in her tone makes Ellie feel like she is talking about more than just walking her to the clinic. "Thanks for walking me this far, but I think I can take it from here."
Ellie nods, watching until Mel closes the door to the medical wing before turning around. It's weird walking through the halls of the Stadium. Every person she sees is familiar yet she feels like a stranger to them now. It's worse than when she first came to Seattle. Back then, she had to concentrate on where she was going, but now her feet know where to take her even when her mind is far away. Beans's body knocking into her leg as they walk is the only thing grounding her enough to recognize when she is standing in front of her old room. A room she isn't even sure she has a right to stand in front of anymore.
Ellie threads her fingers through Beans's fur, lifting her free hand to the door knob and…
She hesitates. Her fist clench and unclench in the air a few times, caught is a useless cycle of uncertainty until finally…
Ellie knocks.
It's a stupid action. There isn't even an answer because why would there be? Abby is probably still with Issac giving him her report. Any minute now someone will come find her and…
What? Lock her up?
They hadn't talked about what would happen now that they’re back. Was she some kind of prisoner now?
It didn't seem like it.
Ellie turns the knob and Beans runs ahead, making herself immediately comfortable on her bed. The room is exactly as they left it; Ellie’s bed, still without a mattress, is piled with a combination of Abby’s books and Ellie's comics, some games are stacked in boxes on the bottom.
Ellie barely puts her bag down before she turns around and leaves again. Being alone in the room that she happily shared with Abby only a few weeks ago now feels hollow. Ellie walks on autopilot with no destination in mind until she ends up in the library. A half finished chess game sits on the table and Ellie wonders if this is the same one that she and Abby started or not. Ellie walks further into the space, her hand running over the spines of books until she reaches the furthest back corner. There is a beanbag set up in the last row near the wall and memories of the times she and Abby would lay on it reading or… doing other more physical activities in this spot. There are just too many memories in the walls of the Stadium to ignore.
_______
Lost in thought, Abby doesn’t even realize when they reach Issac’s door. She doesn’t have time to formulate what she is going to say to him and before she can tell him not to, Manny is already knocking.
Issac’s deep voice calls them in and it's too late for Abby to come up with a plan.
“Ah, Abby,” Issac says when they enter. He barely looks up at them from his desk. Abby can see that his beard is growing in thickly, which is not at all how he usually looks. Whatever happened between him and Dougan must have shaken him more than the others might have guessed. “Was your trip successful?”
Manny takes a step forward and Abby reflexively shoots out her hand to stop him in his tracks. He knows her well enough to know when it’s in his best interest to keep his mouth shut.
“Manny,” Abby says, putting as much power into her voice as she can. “Why don’t you wait outside.”
Out of the corner of her eye, Manny tilts his head, confusion clear in his posture, but he doesn’t question her outright about it. Isaac nods his head indicating his dismissal. Abby never takes her eye off of Isaac’s even during the long pause between the door opening and closing.
Isaac watches the interaction from his desk. “Trouble within the ‘Salt Lake Crew’? Did you fight over who got to give the final blow?”
”It’s done,” Abby says, trying to infuse confidence in her lie.
Isaac sits back in his chair. His eyes narrow slightly and he steeples his fingers. “I thought you’d be more relieved than this.”
”It was a long journey. I think we are all just happy to be home and out from underneath each other.”
Isaac nods, looking back at his map wholly uninterested again, “Then tell your crew to take the week off, but after that I don't want to hear complaining.”
Abby nods, turning to leave, but a clearing of a throat stops her.
”Whatever happened out there,” Isaac says. “It stays out there. I don't need any of you distracted by some petty arguments.”
Without turning back to him Abby nods and leaves the room. Before she can take two steps a hand grabs her arm.
"What the hell was that?" Manny asks.
Abby shakes off his hand and continues walking further away from Isaac's office. Not saying anything until they round a corner. "I handled it."
Manny raised a brow. "Did you?"
Abby stops in her tracks whipping around to face him. "Look, I know you don't fucking agree with all that went down there, but drop it."
"I still can't believe you're just okay with—"
"I'm not," Abby interrupts him, her voice rough with restrained anger. "I'm not fucking okay with anything." She wants to yell, to scream, to turn back and finish what she started. "But I have to be."
"Is this about Ellie?" Manny asks. "She'd understand in time. He deserves what we wanted to do to him, she said so herself."
"Not everything I do is for or about Ellie." It's a bitter lie. One that Abby can taste on her tongue, but she pushes all her confidence into her words and hopes that it's enough to have Manny back down. "If I really wanted him dead, he'd be dead."
She knows she's won when Manny's shoulders loosen.
"I know you've always been there for me. Every time I had a lead or even a bite you've always stood by me. You're the only one I didn't have to convince to join me on this crazy trip. You're a good friend," Abby says, putting her hand on his shoulder. "But I need you to let this go."
"You're not the only one who lost loved ones because of him." Manny's gaze darkens. "Or maybe you forgot."
Manny shakes off her hand and continues walking.
"What happened to your mom isn't the same," Abby says, catching up to him. "Joel didn't kill her."
"He might as well have," Manny mutters.
"She died on the road. You can't hold that against Ellie."
"And why were we on the road to begin with?" Manny doesn't stop and he doesn't look at Abby. "It doesn't hurt any less because he wasn't the one pulling the trigger. He still deserved to die."
Abby allows the silence to fill the space around them. A silence that is only broken by a door slamming open and the sound of heavy boots echoing through the corridor. Abby tenses thinking—hoping— for a moment that it could be Ellie, but when she turns all she sees is Owen stopping before her.
"Did you already see Isaac?" Owen asks only slightly out of breath from his run.
Abby nods. This is the first time he has tried to talk to her since the basement and for some reason she finds actual words the hardest thing to summon at the moment.
"Did you tell him about Ellie?"
At this, Manny turns to look at her too.
"No," Abby says after a long moment, her voice low. "I didn't think it was important."
"Not important?" Manny huffs out like he wants to laugh, but holds it in.
Abby gives him a hard look. "It doesn't affect anything she's done here."
"Whatever," Manny shakes his head, continuing to walk down the hallway. "You're the boss."
Abby knows that he will drop his needling about her decision to let Joel live… eventually. She just hopes he knows not to bring it up around anyone outside their crew.
"How are you doing?" Owen asks, his voice low to not echo in the halls.
"Like my ex's dad killed mine four years ago and my other ex knew about it for however long and didn't tell me." Abby deadpanes.
"Still protecting her though."
Abby shakes her head. "We both know Isaac would flip if he found out. I didn't bring her back here for that."
"Why did you bring her?" Owen asks. "You could have left them both there. Been done with it fully. Ellie would've been safe there. Safer than here."
"I'm not doing this with you." Abby shakes her head walking away from him.
"It's something to think about at least," Owen shouts after her down the hall. "You were different with her. Happy. Changed. Is losing that really worth it?"
Abby doesn't turn, doesn't address him at all, but she does mutter for only herself to hear, "Maybe I don't want to change."
Thankfully Owen doesn't attempt to follow her. It feels good walking through the halls of the Stadium, familiar in a way that she had never taken the time to appreciate before. People wave and greet her as she makes her way to her room. Abby tries to acknowledge them as they go by, but her mind still rings with what Owen said. A part of her knows it's true. Knows she should have left Ellie there with him, but she couldn't. No matter what lies she tries to tell herself she knows that the smart thing to do would have been to leave Ellie. But that would also mean never seeing her again and if there's one thing this trip has taught her, it's that she is weak. So very weak.
She was weak in the basement. She's even weaker now standing in front of the door to her own room. A room she shares with Ellie.
Abby hasn't planned what she wants to say yet, too preoccupied with getting back to the Stadium where her life made sense that she hadn't thought to think about if Ellie would even want to continue living with her. There was nothing to be said that wasn't already spoken between them. Seeing each other again without the buffer of other people would be tough, but they needed to do this.
One last conversation.
For closure.
With a deep breath, Abby twists the knob of the door and enters. The late afternoon sun streams in from the floor to ceiling windows, temporarily making seeing anything in the room nearly impossible. Only when Abby shields her eyes is she able to see around the room.
Beans is laying curled up near the foot of her bed like she never left. She lifts her head when Abby enters, but lays her head back down when she sees who it is. Ellie's bag rests near the door right next to the record player that Abby had to trade for doing kitchen duties for a week to get. Abby runs her fingers over Ellie's small collection of vinyls before turning towards their bed… Her bed? Little pictures that Ellie drew are pinned to the wall overlapping with photographs of the two of them and the rest of the group. Abby's copy of Dracula is on the dresser cracked open and flipped over. Everything is in its place…
Except for Ellie.
Abby looks into the bathroom just to see if she's there, but there's no sign of her. She even pops her head back out into the hallway like she had somehow just missed Ellie leaving when she came in. The only thing that indicates Ellie had even entered the room at all is her bag and the fact that Beans is here.
Abby sits on the edge of her bed looking at her hands. She had wanted to be an adult about this. Say goodbye with her head held high. Without the crumbled body of a man between them and their entire friend group surrounding them. But maybe that was asking too much.
Ellie seems hell bent on not allowing her a modicum of closure in anything she does so why should this be any different.
The anger bubbles up as Abby starts to throw all of Ellie's things into boxes. At first it was just all her doodles tacked on the wall, but then that became separating the comics from the books and before she knew it all of Ellie's things were stacked in boxes in the hallway outside of her door. She is contemplating changing the lock on the door when Manny shows up with a box of his own in his arm and a bag over his shoulder.
"Roomie?" He asks, lifting his box higher.
Even with all of Ellie's stuff out in the hallway Abby still had hope that they could have a conversation. Abby looks down the hallway. The sun was setting, stretching long shadows from her room into the hall and still there is no sign of Ellie anywhere.
Abby sighs, nodding her head and allows Manny to enter.
"Damn," Manny says, putting his box by the bed. "Not even a mattress. It feels so homey already."
Abby rolls her eyes. "I know where we can get another one. After we get the rest of your stuff in we can go grab it."
They make short work of moving the rest of Manny's items into her room… their room now. Not Ellie's. Owen doesn't even have the decency to be there while they are moving Manny out. Logically, Abby knows he’s probably with Mel somewhere, but still the other part of her can't help but wonder if he is the reason Ellie wasn't in the room when she came back. Abby tries to shake the thought from her mind, choosing to focus instead on the pile of boxes quickly refilling her space.
When they are all settled and the last box is placed on Manny's new bunk, he turns to her. "If I bring a girl back here you think you could make yourself disappear for a night? Not tonight or anything, but like in the future."
Abby lets out what feels like the first real laugh she has had in ages. "Just leave a sock on the door and the room is yours."
______
Ellie isn’t sure how much time has passed. She fell asleep at some point on the bean bag and by the time she wakes up, the general "lights out" is being called on the big speakers. Briefly she thinks of just staying there in the library, but she can only avoid Abby for so long and that thought more than anything else is enough to get her to stand up and start making the trek back to her hallway.
When she gets there boxes line the wall next to her room, her bag plopped unceremoniously on top of one that has a stack of old drawings and pictures, the same ones that had been tapped to the walls around their bed. She doesn’t know what possesses her, but she tries the door anyway.
Locked.
She could try her key. See if Abby made that final distinction between them. It wouldn’t surprise her if she had it would be well within her right to do that. To change the locks. Knowing all that doesn’t stop the drop in Ellie’s stomach at the finality of the end of their relationship.
Their friendship.
A hand landing on her shoulder doesn’t even startle her. Whoever it is could have stabbed her and Ellie isn’t sure she would have even felt it. Instead whoever it is squeezes her shoulder and when she turns it’s Owen.
He gives her a small tight smile then silently moves to grab a box and that's it. There is no conversation, no condolences, just a steady presence so Ellie wouldn't have to do this alone.
"Thank you," Ellie says quietly, her backpack thrown over her shoulders and a box in her arms. Owen is a few steps ahead of her, but he turns around at the sound of her voice.
His head tilts slightly in confusion, "What for?"
"For," Ellie shrugs, shifting the box in her hands. "Everything?"
"I didn't do much," Owen turns and continues down the hallway.
"Where are we going?" Ellie asks, though once they turn down another hallway she starts to recognize where they might be heading.
This time when Owen speaks, he doesn't turn around. "Well, seeing as my roommate has decided that he doesn't want to even be in the same room as me and I have a sneaking suspicion where he moved to. I thought maybe you could take his place."
Owen stops at his open door. Mel stands in the doorframe, her belly barely starting to show in the thermal undershirt.
"But—"
"No buts," Mel interrupts, taking the box out of Ellie's hands and placing it on the bunk bed where Manny used to sleep. Then she turns around and smiles at Ellie.
There is a sting in her chest, but it's different then it was before. Less sharp. And it warms instead of hurts. Ellie can’t look either Owen or Mel in the eye, but then again she doesn’t really need to and they don’t push.
Together the three of them move all of Ellie’s items into her new room. Each time they arrive at her old door Ellie expects to see Abby there standing in the open door, arms crossed. But it remains closed. Ellie can tell she is there though, the light remains on. She thinks about knocking, but there isn’t much for her to say. There isn’t a way to fix this.
When the last box is placed at the foot of Ellie's new bed, she turns, taking in her new living space. It's so similar to her old one. It's the same layout, the same bunk beds, the same chipped paint on the walls, but somehow it feels different. For all the warmth infused in the space, it still feels off.
Wrong even.
But it's not a foreign place to her. She used to spend hours sitting on the couch playing video games with Manny or Owen. It was as much her home as anywhere else in the Stadium. So why does it feel so alien to her now when it never did before?
Before she has the chance to ruminate on that thought, the door opens again with Mel and Owen walking back into the room. Mel holds a large bowl of popcorn in one arm and a DVD in her hand.
"Where'd you get the popcorn?" Ellie asks, sticking her hand immediately into the bowl before it can be pulled away.
"God Ellie, can you wait until we have the movie on first?" Mel huffs out. "I swear you're lucky I was able to keep it away from Owen for as long as I did or there would be no more left."
"I wasn't that bad. Besides I had to get something a bit more important," Owen says, lifting up a bottle of Whiskey and two cups.
Ellie takes a cup looking at Mel with raised eyebrows. "You ok with this?"
"It's been a stressful few months," Mel smiles, hand going to her stomach. "If I could join you I would."
That was all the permission Ellie really needs, grabbing the Whiskey from Owens hands she pours herself two fingers worth of the amber liquid. Owen follows after her while Mel pops the DVD into the player and grabs the remote. Ellie sits on her usual spot on the floor, cup to her lips, as the opening credits for Kiki's Delivery Service plays on the TV.
And for a few moments Ellie allows herself to sink into the fantasy that this is just another movie night.
* * *
Ellie isn't drunk, but she is feeling a bit floaty and warm by the time the end credits roll. Owen stands, grabbing the bowl off of the table and going to the upper level to clean it out. Ellie stands, feeling too warm from the alcohol and pulls her hoodie off over her head, leaving her in a gray short sleeve crew neck. She tosses the hoodie over the arm on the couch and plops down next to Mel before leaning forward to grab her cup from the table.
When she settles herself back into the cushions, Mel has shifted to face her leaning her back on the arm rest. Her legs are pulled up to her chest and her gaze shifts slightly every so often, but Ellie can’t pinpoint exactly where she is looking. She has her head tilted in a way Ellie has only ever seen when they are out on patrol together and something went terribly wrong.
”Hey, you ok?” Ellie asks, before she tilts her head back to drain the last of her Whiskey.
Mel waits for Ellie to swallow before asking. "What does it feel like?"
"Getting drunk?" Ellie laughs. "Don't worry you aren't missing much."
Mel cracks a small smile, shaking her head.
"No," she looks around, even though no one is there but Owen and continues in a whisper. "I mean, getting bitten?"
Ellie sits up straight, hand going to cover her tattoo. Her heart skips a bet before she calms herself. She keeps forgetting that the others know now. That her immunity is no longer a secret she has to keep to herself.
Ellie shrugs. "I don't know, it's hard to explain. I barely feel it when it happens, but that could just be from adrenaline. Honestly, it just feels like a cut. Heals like one too. Other than the first one I guess. That one healed all fucked up which is why I burned it and tattooed over that. Anything to hide it really. But the others have healed better. Sometimes I'll extend the cut so it doesn't look too much like a bite, but they at least don't have boils when they heal anymore."
Mel nods, equal parts understanding and curious, like she just received a puzzle and she's looking for the edge pieces. "How many times have you been bitten? Since the first time that is."
Ellie sits back into the cushion. "I haven't really been keeping count. I was bitten once on the road before… Well, um Salt Lake City. In Jackson, I guess I was a bit more careful, or come to think of it I wasn't really allowed to do a whole lot. On patrols, I was always paired with Tommy or… Joel." Ellie takes a deep breath before she continues in a light tone. "Here I've been bitten a few times. Nothing crazy mostly when I was on solo missions."
"And the spores?"
Ellie laughs, "It kind of just tickles my nose. I still use the masks and all, but when I haven't all that really happens is that I have to sneeze."
"Like an allergy?"
Ellie shrugs. It's an odd feeling finally being able to talk about her immunity with someone that isn't dismissing it. That isn't telling her all the reasons why no one should ever find out about it. That isn't talking over her when she is explaining something about it. And Ellie is already feeling a bit loose from the alcohol, but she feels lighter somehow after sharing what she has.
"What's this really about?" Ellie narrows her eyes at Mel in a joking manner and says off handedly. "You want to scan my brain? See if any weird fungi have taken root?"
Mel's eyes brighten at that. Her head strengthens and her contemplative look turns into a full smile.
Oh no. Ellie thinks. What did I just say?
Notes:
Thank you for reading!
Again this was more of a filler chapter, but a much needed one. So I hope it wasn't too disappointing.
Now for some updated posting schedule information. I unfortunately was not able to draft the rest of the story during my hiatus and TBH the next few chapters are in the process of going through some major restructuring ( I split this chapter in two originally and then made it three because too much was happening and not to bore you with the details but I wrote everything in the order I originally thought of it and then decided things needs to be switched around. lol)
So with that said I think I will try to move to an every other week update schedule and see if that allows me to tame these chapters. I don't want to leave for too long again (I missed you guys). Though I do have a pretty long vacation coming up in September. I'll update you all on that when it gets closer.
Wow this was a long Authors Note. If you read it all I love you dearly lol.
Leave a comment and a Kudos. Or you can find me on Tumbler https://www.tumblr.com/randomgirlreading.
Should I make a BlueSky? IDK
Am I a bit delirious right now? Probably.Much love!
Chapter 38: Chapter 38
Summary:
NEW CHAPTER!!
It's a little later then I had hoped but it is 4am my time and technically I need to be up for work in two hour (send help) hahaha.
Chapter summary:
Mel is very excited about about scanning Ellie's brain... Ellie is less excited.This story was inspired by "Both Sides Now" by fuckingvideogames.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
”You sure about this?” Ellie asks, following Mel down the dark twisting hallways of the Stadium's Medical Wing. It's been nearly a week since Ellie moved into Owen's apartment. Isaac, in some kind of sympathy or kindness, has given the Salt Lake Crew a short leave of absence after their return. Ellie would have rather distracted herself with patrols or hell, even taken a rotation in the kitchens, but there wasn't a way of getting around it… She tried. Instead, each day Mel would come over to Owen and Ellie's room and they would all play games or watch a film together. Mel hadn't brought up anything about immunity or cures since that first night.
Except for today.
Even still, Ellie thought they would have to wait at least the full week before they could go to the hospital.
Apparently not.
Technically speaking, Mel still had a key, so technically speaking they weren't breaking any rules. Or at least that is what Mel said when she unlocked the door and ushered her into the Clinic.
“You were the one that brought this up in the first place,” Mel says now, leading Ellie further into the Medical Wing than she has ever been before.
The hallways wind in a slow, cold descent and Ellie rubs her arms to bring some warmth back into her body. “I was drunk, that doesn’t count.”
“Well, you still asked and now we’re here,” Mel laughs, with a shrug. “No one is here this late. Anything I find out will stay between us. I promise.”
“Do we even have a working machine for this?”
Mel stops, turning to give Ellie an incredulous look.
Ellie throws her hands up in surrender. “Ok, Jesus! It’s a valid question though.”
“This was an elite athletic facility before the Outbreak."
"Doesn't mean they have a fucking MRI."
"They do actually," Mel throws over her shoulder casually. "So we lucked out."
Ellie stops in stunned silence, allowing Mel to walk further in front of her. She wasn't exactly sure what Mel was planning to do tonight. She had mentioned a scan, but for some reason Ellie thought it would just be blood work and maybe an x-ray of some kind. She doesn't remember seeing any kind of sophisticated machinery in her limited time in the Medical Wing of the Stadium. Then again she had made an effort to spend as little time in the Clinic as she possibly could.
"We rarely use it here, but I've read the manual and I even got to perform some tests back in…" Mel briefly looks in Ellie's direction before quickly facing forward again and Ellie knows that she was going to mention Salt Lake City. "The point of the matter is that I should be able to figure it out."
Ellie starts to follow her again. Slower this time. Something rolling in her stomach. ”What did the scans show… back then? Some kind of… plug?”
Mel doesn't look at her and continues on. ”Something like that. To be honest I was just a kid back then and all I have to go on now is the report and Jerry’s old notes and those two things are a bit contradictory. The reports showed good signs of being able to create a cure, but Jerry’s notes…they read more like a diary really." Her tone moves from sombre to excited as she speaks. "But who knows what we could find now after four years of growth and new bites.”
They are quiet the rest of the way to the MRI machine. Ellie can still feel Mel's anticipation radiating through her body as they get closer to the room.
When they arrive, the room is bigger than Ellie thought it would be. It’s actually two adjoining rooms. One has three computers lined up in a row in front of a window looking out over another larger room with a giant white tube.
Ellie swallows the lump forming in her throat. She can’t help but wonder if Joel stood in a room like this watching her through the window, passed out on a table as doctors and nurses rushed around her in preparation for the scan. Did he meet Abby’s dad before killing him? Did they talk? Shake hands? Laugh together?
A cold hand on her arm startles her out of her thoughts. Mel stands next to her, the eager look in her eyes just minutes ago now replaced with worry.
“We don’t really need to do this. If–”
”No,” Ellie interrupts, looking Mel in the eyes. “I want to know. I… back then… I never even woke up in the hospital. I didn’t see the scans." Ellie pauses, thinking back to Salt Lake City. The last memory she has is of Joel in that bus submerged in water. Then the next thing she remembers is waking up in the back seat of that car in a hospital gown. No clothes, no backpack, just Joel and his lies. "No one asked me what I wanted. Every decision made about me was made for me," Ellie looks up into Mel's eyes. "But I want to know. And I trust you to tell me… The truth .”
Mel nods, her eyebrows pull together slightly as she opens her mouth to speak, but no words come out. She purses her lips together and Ellie knows she is trying and failing to come up with something to say until finally Mel's posture relaxes.
“Ok," Mel says, her tone soft and comforting even when she turns on her doctor voice. "You can’t wear any metal in the machine. I got some sweats that should work.” She motions to the chair where a pair of sweat pants and a crew neck lay. “I’ll let you change here. Just knock on the door when you're done.”
Ellie nods watching Mel close the door. She doesn't take long to change and when she knocks on the door for Mel to come back in, her nerves are as under control as they are going to be. Mel offers her a tight smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes as she hesitantly leads Ellie to the bed in the other room.
"We really don't need to do this," Mel says, "It's not like we could do anything with the information, even if something has changed."
“Still want to know.” Ellie mutters, laying down on the bed of the machine. "And there's only one way to find out."
Mel chews at the inside of her cheek before her shoulders sag and she hands Ellie some ear plugs to put in. “Just close your eyes. Take a nap and it will be done before you know it.”
”Yeah right,” Ellie mutters, putting the plugs into her ear. “Just a nap.”
Mel places something resembling a cage over her face. Ellie swallows thickly as it clicks into place near her ears.
“It’s just to keep your head still,” Mel says, her eyes showing regret at having to do it. “You should really close your eyes. It can be quite claustrophobic in the tube.”
Ellie nods as best as she can from within the cage, but still watches Mel leave the room and close the door. Ellie can still see her through the window as she moves to the computers.
“I’m going to start with your head. Just wave if it starts to be too much for you,” Mel speaks through the intercom.
”Have you even done this with a person before?”
Either Mel doesn’t respond or Ellie just can’t hear her over the sound on the machine turning on in a loud whirl. The bed starts to move and Ellie finally takes Mel’s advice on closing her eyes.
The ear plugs do little to dampen the sound of the clicking and banging coming from the machine, but something about the constant cacophony does soothe Ellie and she finds her mind wandering unabided. She thought she had let go of the cure and any hope she once had for it a long time ago. The likelihood that they will be able to do anything with these pictures is slim to none. She knows Issac is too focused on this territory war to care about putting any resources towards developing a cure, much less distributing it. This is all just to scratch Mel's curiosity itch because Mel, above all else, is a doctor and doctors seek answers to their questions. That’s all this is.
But that doesn’t stop her from hoping.
She loses track of time in that cylinder. The closed off space doesn’t bother her anymore and she can almost pretend that she is in a space capsule and all the extra noise happening around her are meteors hitting against her spaceship as it hurls through the cosmos to some distant planet set for exploration.
Which would probably be a pretty cool opening for a movie, but if this was a movie then something would for sure blow up and have her land on the wrong planet. Ellie's train of thought is interrupted by the bed of the machine pushing her further into the tube and a different kind of banging takes up residence in her skull. Ellie’s thoughts turn to which Savage Starlight comic is the most similar to the movie idea she had.
After a few minutes, Ellie feels the table move again. This time the table moves out of the tube and not further in. Blinking open her eyes a few times to the bright lights of the room, Ellie’s gaze shifts to the window. Mel sits there, her eyebrows pinched together in concentration.
Ellie feels for the cage around her head and manages to take it off and sit up. Swinging her legs over the side, Ellie makes the decently high jump off the bed. Mel still hasn’t taken her eyes off the computer screen since pulling the bed out of the machine and Ellie slowly moves to the door leading to the viewing stations and opens the door. She doesn’t enter fully, choosing to instead lean against the door frame, equally in and out of the room.
Always half in.
Always half out.
“Judging from your face it’s not good news is it?” Ellie calls. She can see a picture of her brain pulled up on the screen, with her limited medical knowledge it could have been a picture of a monkey’s brain and she wouldn’t know the difference, but it looks like every other brain she has seen in any of her old science textbooks.
Mel pushes back to look at her. “It doesn’t make sense.”
“What doesn’t?”
”Here look,” Mel says, pulling a print out of a brain from one of the books on the table. “This is you from four years ago.”
The picture is strange looking, showing a head much smaller than the one on the computer, but the strangest thing about it is the bundle of…something, at the base of her skull.
"Is that supposed to be the plug?" Ellie’s hand goes to the back of her neck like she could feel the foreign bundle if she pushes hard enough.
But she doesn't feel anything there.
Mel nods. "At least that is what they thought it was. They were going to biopsy—" she cuts herself off abruptly, whipping around to look Ellie dead in the eye. "What did Joel tell you after the hospital?"
"He just said there were a bunch more people like me and you all didn't need another. He said raiders came," Ellie's voice goes low, almost a whisper. "I found out what he did much later."
Mel pulls out an office chair from the desk next to the computer and motions for Ellie to sit. Ellie eyes her suspiciously, but sits.
"They were going to remove and biopsy this bundle here," Mel points to the area on the paper showing the plug. "That procedure would have more than just likely have killed the subject…You."
Ellie's lungs tighten. She had guessed that was probably the case.
Mel continues though without giving Ellie any time to process what she had just learned. "But this new MRI doesn't even show that plug and you're still…you. Ellie, four years ago the doctors were wrong. So wrong about all of this. This MRI changes everything."
* * *
The walk back to Owen’s room is silent. Mostly because they are trying not to get caught with two MRI pictures showing the impossible, but that's only part of it. Ellie's mind is still reeling from everything Mel told her.
Mel's head is still buried in Jerry's old notebook as they walk through the twisting corridor. Ellie holds the two MRI pictures in her hands. One of her as a fifteen year old and the other of her brain now. It's strange seeing it like this. Seeing the differences between the two scans. If only they weren't so desperate for the cure to be made. If only they had more time. If they had only been able to observe it more. Would Joel have done what he did? Would Abby's dad still be alive?
Rounding a corner Mel stops short, almost causing Ellie to run into her back, but she is able to stop in just enough time.
"I need to run so many tests," Mel says, whipping around to face her. Ellie can almost see the gears turning in her head as she thinks.
"Let's talk about this somewhere not out in the open,” Ellie hisses, taking her arm and leading her quicker down the halls to Owen’s room. “These walls echo."
When they enter the room, Ellie is once again struck by how wrong it feels. All of her most important possessions have a place on the walls and shelves, but she still feels like a ghost inhabiting a corner of the space. Maybe it's the lack of Beans curled up on her bed that makes the space feel so foreign to her, but she pushes that thought away. She hasn’t seen Beans or Abby for that matter since they got back.
What she does see is Owen sleeping in his bed, the privacy curtain pulled to block out the little light streaming in from the Stadium. That is until Mel pulls back the curtain and the small rollers on the bunk make a horrible sound.
"What!" Owen shoots up to sitting in bed still half asleep. When he sees that it is just them he groans and tries to rub the sleep out of his eyes. "What the actual hell, Mel."
"Sorry," Mel says, not sounding sorry at all. "But now that you're awake. Look at this."
She shoves one of the MRI pictures into his hand.
"And what exactly am I looking at?" He asks, squinting at the picture in front of him.
"That–" Ellie says, flipping on the light to illuminate the picture better. "Would be my brain."
"No, I've seen your scans. This isn't that."
Mel shakes her head. "We just took these."
Her excitement is palpable as she looks at him expectantly. It takes him a minute to put the pieces together in his tired state, but when his eyes widen Ellie knows he got there.
"What does this mean?" Owen looks from Mel to Ellie.
Ellie takes a breath. "It means that there’s a chance we can still make the cure."
* * *
Mel didn't stay long after Ellie spoke her revelation. She was too impatient to go off to her room and pour over Jerry's other notes. Owen for his part tried to calm her down and tell her to rest, but he was powerless against a pregnant woman on a mission and apart from him going after her there wasn't much for him to do about it.
The whole night just left Ellie's thoughts swirling around in her head. No matter how much she tried to sleep she just couldn't relax enough. Their week off is rapidly coming to an end in just a few more days. So Ellie really can't afford for her sleep schedule to get too far out of whack. Which is why Ellie finds herself in the cafeteria the next day trying to see if there is a way to make coffee slightly more bearable. It still tastes like dirt, but at least she might stay awake the whole day.
The cafeteria is loud with people either just getting back from a patrol or people about to leave for one. It's the first time in nearly a week that Ellie has ventured out this early in the day, but she just couldn't stay in that room anymore. It also didn't help that Owen snored just enough to be annoying in his sleep.
Ellie is brought out of her head by a quick bark in the distance. Whipping her head to the sound, Ellie only knows of one creature that would be making that sound or that is allowed outside of the kennel to freely roam the Stadium. Right as she looks, Beans comes bouncing to her side and Ellie bends down to greet her. Beans paws at Ellie's hands, urging her to rub at her belly as she falls to the ground. Ellie lets out a laugh at the dog’s antics, but it doesn't last long.
Ellie should have known that coming to the cafeteria this early in the morning was a bad idea. Abby had always woken up early whether from a nightmare or just her body's natural clock Ellie didn't always know, but she would wake up to her already halfway through her morning routine more times then Ellie can count. Now looking up from Beans on the floor, Ellie can see Abby standing in the closest doorway to the cafeteria, not making any move to come further into the room, but also not walking away… yet.
Ellie straightens and Beans stands too, pushing her head into Ellie's hand and licking at her palm. For a moment Ellie thinks that Abby might walk to her, but she doesn't. She shifts her gaze down to rest on Beans, her expression unreadable.
"We're going to need Jerry's other notes," Mel says from behind, making Ellie jump. She didn't hear or see the other woman approach her, too focused on Abby to notice anything else around her, but Mel doesn't give her any time to recover. “Nora should still have them…somewhere. After Salt Lake City we split them up between the two of us mostly for the trip, but also. Well, he taught us both so much and it felt wrong to take that little bit from her. She was always better at virology than I was anyways.”
Mel bends down to rub at Bean's head and neck in just the right places. "Oh, hi Beans."
When Ellie recovers enough from the ambush she looks back to where Abby was only to find her gone. A quick scan around the cafeteria shows that she didn't stay.
"I don't know what virology is," Ellie mutters to herself more than Mel, but of course she hears.
"Come on, Ellie. I know you're smarter than that." Mel stands again. "Virology? The study of viruses. It's what we were all studying back then. To some degree at least."
Ellie nods, a stone drops in her stomach at the mention of viruses. "Right, of course. And Nora has those notes? We can just ask her, right?”
"I mean we could," Mel says, dragging out the word at the end. She grabs Ellie by the arm and leads her out of the cafeteria and down a few halls until she is sure no one is around. Bean follows close behind. "If I ask her for them she's going to know exactly why I am asking and I don’t want to create any false hope with all of this. If I’m right then we can tell her, but if I’m wrong then—”
“I understand,” Ellie interrupts. “So… what do you have in mind?”
_____
”And how exactly is sneaking into her room better than just asking her for the notebooks?” Ellie asks, following quickly behind the shockingly fast pregnant lady in front of her.
“Easy. Nora is in the clinic organizing supplies and equipment. And Leah should be out with Jordan by now, so no one will see us sneaking in or around. If the notebooks are here and they don’t have what I need we can just leave and put them back like nothing happened.”
"Wait, I thought you and Nora were roommates?"
"We were, but a few weeks before we all left for Jackson she moved in with Leah. Owen was supposed to move in here, but," Mel shrugs. "Plans change."
Another rock plunks down."I'm sorry."
Mel stops. "You don't ever have to apologize for other people's actions Ellie. Besides," Mel shrugs. "Owen snores"
Ellie chuckles, but the something she had said earlier clicks in her brain as they continue down the corridor nearing Nora's and Leah's door. “So let me get this straight. You don’t even know if these notes have what you need or even if they are here?”
Mel tilts her head, staring at her for a moment before putting her hand on a doorknob. “Yep, that pretty much covers it.” And opens the door.
Ellie shakes her head, looks up and down the hallway and follows her. Nora and Leah's room isn't much different then Ellie and Owen's except that both of their bunks are on the lower half of the room. The upper half has a couch and TV set up along with a desk in the corner. She can tell which bunk is Leah's immediately based on all the pictures littering the wall. Some are a bit more risque than others, but all of them are fun and lively like her. Nora's bunk is a bit more sensible, but there’s still a fair amount of pictures of the group covering her space as well.
"What makes you think she even still has the notebooks?" Ellie asks, watching Mel move more into the room.
"She better!" Is all Mel says.
Ellie can't really argue with her on that front, so she doesn't, choosing instead to start looking in the drawers of the desk while Mel looks near Nora's bunk. Ellie barely gets the first drawer open when the doorknob turns and they are confronted with a confused Nora in the doorway.
Her confusion doesn't last long and Nora folds her arms across her chest. She leans against the door frame, her eyes sweeping from Ellie to Mel and back again like she is trying to decipher which of them thought this was a good idea.
"And what exactly do you think you're doing?" Her gaze settles on Ellie.
"Hey, don't give me that look." Ellie raises her hands in the air in mock surrender. "This wasn't my idea."
Nora raises her eyebrows, turning to give Mel an incredulous look.
Mel rushes to the door and pokes her head out into the hall. "Did anyone follow you?"
"What is this all about?"
Mel grabs Nora's arm pulling her fully into the room and closes the door.
"Do you have Jerry's old notes?" She asks without any further explanation.
Nora's pinched expression softens now as she looks from Ellie to Mel once again. "You can't be serious."
Mel pulls out the picture they took with the MRI the night before and hands it over to Nora. After a moment Nora takes the image. She doesn't say anything, just stares at it for a long moment.
Until finally Nora puts the picture down on the desk. "This can't be what I think it is."
"Believe me it is," Ellie mutters.
"I took the images myself last night." Mel speaks up.
"Then you did it wrong. That's the only thing that makes sense."
"I know how to work an MRI machine." Mel rolls her eyes.
Nora looks again at the image on the desk then back up at Ellie and Mel. "It's not that I don't believe you, but it is a little unbelievable."
"What do you want to do? Take a picture of my brain yourself?" Ellie laughs, but Nora doesn't join in and neither does Mel. They both just stare at her, eyebrows raised and head tilted. "You have got to be kidding me."
* * *
For the second time in as many nights Ellie is led through the maze of corridors in the Medical Wing, but this time along with Nora and Mel, Owen also follows close behind. They had left Beans fast asleep curled up on Ellie's bed, partially because Ellie didn't want to wake her, but mostly because they didn't want to wake anyone else either. The trip deep into Stadium feels both long and somehow short at the same time. The hallways and turns leading them through the Clinic now feel familiar to Ellie and when they get to the MRI rooms Ellie doesn't feel any nerves at all for getting back into the machine. If anything she's excited. Giddy even.
She changes into the same clothes she wore yesterday for the test and Nora starts patting her down checking for any metal that could have affected the imaging.
"Just like old time eh?" Ellie says to lighten the mood.
Nora looks at her unamused, but she also doesn't find anything mental either so she turns to help Mel finish preparing the computers for the scan. Only when she is satisfied with that does she lead Ellie out into the main room.
There isn't much talking this time. All Ellie can really hear is Nora muttering the steps to herself and Ellie can't bring herself to interrupt her so she stays silent waiting for this to be over with her eyes closed and hears the cage click into place around her head even with the ear plugs in.
Nora quickly squeezes her hand resting on the bed, but when she opens her eyes Nora is already exiting the MRI room. Ellie tilts her head up as far as she can to see Owen, Mel, and Nora all gathered around a monitor. She can see their lips moving, but that is all.
"Ok. It’ll be loud like last time, so just lay back down and try not to move." Mel's voice comes across the intercom from the observation room.
Mel must have pressed a button on her end because no sooner than when she finished talking then the bed starts to rise, Ellie lays back down, closes her eyes and tries to get comfortable on the hard bed for however long this test will last this time.
The bed stops in the same location as the night before and once again Mel’s voice comes across the intercom. ”Let us know if it gets to be too much."
Ellie just gives them a thumbs up and not much later the banging, clicking, and whirling start up. The sounds are loud and grating and somehow she can’t help, but find them soothing and almost comforting. She feels safe in the confines of the machine like she can finally let her mind wander without trying to corral the thoughts into one single direction.
They find it anyway. Her thoughts always find their way back to one source sooner or later.
Joel.
That last image of Joel on the couch has been burned into her mind since she closed the door. Mel and Nora said he was still breathing and she needs to trust that, but a part of her fears that they are wrong. She hopes they aren’t. She hopes that Tommy found him in time, but more than anything she hopes he stays there in Jackson.
She hasn’t had the time to unpack how she feels about him still searching for her even after the letter she left him at the hospital. If he even made it to the hospital. But with nothing to do in the tunnel, her mind goes there and she can’t move from it. There’s so much she wishes she could have said to him in that basement.
Then there is Abby. Ellie can’t get the look of her anger and pain out of her mind. But it was the hurt that mirrored her own that sticks to her now. They are too similar. Both broken in their own fucked up ways. One by death the other by lies. It's hurt that Ellie now realizes she saw in Abby's expression at the cafeteria that she couldn't place.
Hurt that Beans ran to Ellie? Hurt that Beans ran away from her?
Maybe both. Maybe none.
The noise of the machine lulls her into an odd semi sleep with her memories floating around her. Memories of Joel, memories of Abby, memories of Seattle and Jackson all converge together. This time, she lets them come and go without holding on to them. Time passes in this half sleep and she doesn’t notice when the bed is being pulled out until she feels a hand on her arm.
Opening her eyes she finds Nora running a finger over her bite mark. Her eyebrows are furrowed and a small frown pulls at her lips in a familiar way that tells Ellie she is deep in thought.
Nora helps Ellie down from the bed and together they walk into the observation room where Mel and Owen sit staring at the computer screen.
“Give it to me straight doctor, how much time do I have?” Ellie tries to pass the question off as a joke. It comes out a little more strained than she intended.
Mel shakes her head. “That won’t be necessary. But I’ll tell you what is." Mel turns to Nora, no longer talking to Ellie at all. "We need to see how her blood reacts to Runner, Stalker, and Clicker blood. Or at the very least some spores.”
”Don’t you think that is a bit premature?” Nora says.
”No," Mel starts to pace in the small room. "This could be everything. The key to how to make the cure!”
”Nora’s right,” Ellie speaks up. It was something small that had popped into her head while she was in the machine. “We can’t make a cure here.”
The three of them turn to her.
“Issac is too focused on his war,” Ellie continues. “Even more now than before we left. What do you honestly think he would do if we came to him with all of this?”
"That's not exactly why I said it was premature," Nora says, her eyebrows pulling together in a frown. "He would still want to make the cure.”
”Yeah, sure.” Owen lets out a disbelieving laugh. “But how would he use it? It will just become another weapon to use against his enemies. It won’t go anywhere to help anyone.”
Nora's frown deepens. “What do you suggest then?”
Owen shares a private look with Mel and she gives him a subtle nod.
“I heard that the Fireflies have started to gather in Santa Barbara.”
Ellie’s heart leaps at the mention of the Fireflies.
"It'es just a rumor right now," Owen continues. "But I've heard the same report more than a few times so I think it's good intel…"
The three of them continue talking, but Ellie is no longer listening. It feels like a dream. Like she is back to that scared 14-year-old girl sitting in a dingy room waiting on the Fireflies to decide what to do with her.
But she’s not 14 anymore. She’s not scared anymore.
“If the Fireflies are gathering,” Ellie speaks up over whatever they are talking about. “Then I'm going.”
“Ellie,” Nora says. ”All we have right now is a hope that making a cure won’t kill you. We don’t know enough.”
”I don’t care. We can do what we can while we’re here. I can grab some spores at least and Mel and you can do whatever tests you want to do. I’m not a kid anymore. I know the risks now. That has to count for something right? Some kind of doctor code thing. What was it? Consent?" Ellie feels wild, desperate, like a caged tiger ready to strike, but she has no real fight left in her. "If there is even a change. I need to do this.”
Nora and Mel share a look Ellie can't decipher. After a moment they both look at Owen and then Ellie.
“Ok,” Owen says, “We are really doing this then?”
Ellie nods.
Notes:
Thank you for reading!
This one was kind of another filler chapter and originally supposed to be part of the last chapter, but both chapters kind of got away from me. So I hope you all still enjoyed it.
ALSO fun fact there are actually two stadiums in the US that do actually have MRI machines in them. Seattle is not one of them but lets all pretend that it is. LMAO.
Please leave a comment and a kudos if you want.
You can find be on Tumblr https://www.tumblr.com/randomgirlreading If you want to.
Preview to next chapter:
You will get to see more about how Nora feels about everything and Ellie will be forced to face more people she has betrayed.
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