Chapter Text
Oh, no.
It was literally the only thing Steven could think as the two diamonds in front of him actually burst through the wall behind them as they fought.
He held a tight grip on the yellow-tinted bubble in his hands. The diamonds were talking throughout their fight, but he genuinely could not hear it. His ears were ringing as he watched with wide eyes, and when Connie’s hand landed on his shoulder he couldn’t hear her breathing the way he usually could, couldn’t even hear himself breathing.
But when she spoke, he managed to hear her voice. Barely. “Steven, this looks bad. Maybe we should find somewhere to hide.”
He nearly agreed, he almost did. But then he remembered the last time he’d been here, and he gritted his teeth, shaking his head. “No, I’m… I’m not running this time. My mom, she… oh, jeez, Connie, she ran from everything, ran from the other diamonds, ran from being a diamond, and basically tried to run from the consequences. And I guess I kind of did, too, but not exactly like that. I mean, like, I ran from the trial, you know? But I won’t do that again.” He paused, with a glance down at the bubble carefully but fiercely in his grip. “I’m not going to do that. Not anymore.”
An anxious look crossed her face as she opened her mouth, and, stars, Steven was praying she didn’t try to convince him again. Not because he didn’t want to make her upset, which was usually the case, but because, if she did, he wasn’t exactly sure he’d be able to say no.
But, thankfully, she closed it, and her jaw stiffened as another yell rang out from the battle happening behind them. Steven turned with a yell as a piece of debris came flying at them, Connie’s shriek of surprise drowned out despite being beside him as the huge piece of… whatever the ground was made of here hit the wall. Another piece was coming at them before he could figure out what it was, and, in less than a second, he put up a bubble around them to make sure Connie was kept safe, no matter what happened.
He considered breaking down the bubble that gave everything a rose-coloured tint (ugh, now even a colour reminded him of the entire reason he was here) before deciding that it was safer to leave it when even more came at them. “Oh, my god, how violent is this going to get?” He yelled, attempting to make his voice heard; even with the nearly deafening noise muffled by the bubble, it was still loud and he just knew that speaking normally would make it impossible for Connie to hear him.
He spun around just in time to see Yellow Diamond throw a well-aimed punch at Blue Diamond’s chest,
dangerously close to her gem,
wincing at the way Blue flinched, her mouth opening in what he could only assume was a yelp. She only retaliated, though, instead of maybe trying to reason with her.
How did it go from that to… to this?
She was slammed to the wall, her fist connecting with the side of Yellow’s head in what looked like an attempt to defend herself.
She was crying, which, to be honest, wasn’t all that surprising. But what was shocking was that Yellow was crying, too. At least, it was shocking up until Blue flung her off with one of those blasts that had seemed to make others cry earlier, and the tears just kept coming.
He could remember just earlier that day (had it really been the same day? No, it couldn’t have. How long had he been here? Stars above, he didn’t know.) when Connie had been confused, just after the wedding, during the fight, about why all the gems were crying. How he’d barely been able to explain through the choking sobs that weren’t his.
He shook his head to clear it, sights set on the task of making it over to the battle. His plan here was simple; get to the fight, leave Connie in the bubble with Yellow’s bubble inside (double bubble!), convince Yellow Diamond to help them get through to White, convince White to help them heal the corrupted gems, celebrate the newfound victory and (hopefully) peacefully pleasant relationship with the Diamonds.
As he started walking, Connie made a surprised sound behind him, followed by a thud, and he turned to see that, because he hadn’t warned her that he was going to move, she hadn’t been able to brace herself. He reached out to pull her up, then continued forwards, vision blurring out anything other than Blue and Yellow fighting.
“Hold on, wait, no, we are not going towards the fight!” Connie protested, walking alongside him. He didn’t respond, just pressed forward. “No, no, Steven, hold on, here. Steven, listen to me. Do you know how dangerous this is? We almost got ourselves killed because of some debris! We absolutely will not survive going into the middle of a very violent battle between two Diamonds! You know, the extremely scary and cold gems Pearl told us about together? The ones who would absolutely shatter the gems if given the chance?”
Some part of him
(most of him)
knew she was right. Some part of him knew that there was a possibility that they might die doing this. But he realized that he was more than willing to put his life on the line for this cause, which would have been concerning enough for anyone else that heard it, and he was even more willing to be killed, caught in the crossfire of this fight between two gems who may as well have been his family (except that he didn’t care about them the way he cared about Pearl, Amethyst, and Garnet) when Connie and the gems were also on the line here, if it meant they’d be safe.
So he kept going until he reached his destination, practically tuning out Connie’s ranting about the safety of this situation beside him (except that he wasn’t, he very much heard it and did care, but he couldn’t bring himself to respond right now) as he stopped abruptly, turning to her. He pressed the bubble in his hands to her chest. Her palms found their way onto the bubble as she gazed at it, and then him, with a confused and concerned expression. “Here. Keep them safe, alright? I’ll be right back. I promise.”
Just before he left, Connie grabbed his hand. “Oh, no, you don’t. As much as I really don’t want to do this—”
“So don’t do it, then. Please, Connie. I’ve got this, I swear. You know how many enemies I’ve turned into friends. I’ve even got Blue Diamond on my side! Trust me on this one, I swear—”
“—I especially don’t want you doing it alone, so if you’re going, I am, too. I’m not—” Connie insisted, cutting through his own talking.
“Connie, come on.” This arguing was getting them nowhere. The fight could get even worse because he didn’t step in before it happened, and—
He didn’t want to think about that when the first image that came to mind was just minutes ago when Yellow had struck just inches away from Blue’s gem.
He sighed, putting a hand on her shoulder. “I promise you, I’ll be fine. I’ve survived so much before. This won’t be any worse than trying to stop a giant, planet-destroying weapon made of gem shards right before it ended the world. Honestly, it may as well be the same situation here, minus the whole ‘made of gem shards’ part.” He tried to joke, but Connie was having none of it.
Before she could argue again, he dropped the bubble with just enough time for him to get out before putting it up around her again. He rested his hands on the (mostly) indestructible wall of the bubble, his breath fogging it up like it would a frosty glass door in the winter. “I’ll be okay. I’m just leaving this up so that you will be, too.”
With that, he rushed towards the battle.
Steven just hoped that he really could help stop this.
—————————
Steven was beginning to doubt that he really could help stop this.
Like, he was really starting to doubt that.
He clung to Blue Diamond’s shoulder, arm bleeding from where he’d been hit by a flying rock (had it been a gem shard? It was a horrifying concept, but it had almost looked like one for the heartbeat he’d seen it flying at him) and both legs looking almost burnt from when Yellow had literally electrocuted him from behind, when he’d been slung over Blue’s shoulder while climbing.
He didn’t know if Connie was okay, currently. She probably was, but was she in the same spot or had she been flung across the battlefield?
That, he didn’t have to answer to.
“Yellow, please!” He yelled. “You have to listen! White’s not going to listen without you!”
“And why should I care? Because, if I remember correctly, you and your gems don’t seem to care about the rules of Homeworld, Pink!” She snapped, aiming her hand to electrocute him again. Thankfully, Blue took that moment of distraction to strike her arm, knocking its aim away from Steven and towards…
“She prefers to be called Steven!” Blue practically snarled (it was the only word he could think of to describe her tone), but it was lost to Steven as he followed where Yellow had been aiming with a panicked gaze.
Oh, stars, she’d just electrocuted the place he’d left Connie in.
“Connie!” He shrieked, leaping down from Blue’s shoulder and floating towards the ground, eyes scanning whatever areas he could see for her. “No, no, no, no, Connie!”
As he landed, he dodged another blow from Yellow and darted around, searching for her desperately as Blue gained Yellow’s attention back. “Connie? Connie! Are you okay?” Panic found its way into his tone, taking in gulps of air as he called for her with a fearful voice and a burning desire to find her, find her quickly. A burning fear that if he didn’t make sure she was alright now, she wouldn’t be after the battle.
He barrelled into someone, turning to see Connie with wide eyes and a startled expression. Her chest was heaving, she had a visibly tight grip on the bubble of four gems, and she blinked rapidly. “Steven, this was a horrible idea.”
“I’m starting to realize that.” He confessed, leaping at her and pulling her into a hug. “Are you okay? I saw… Yellow was trying to hit me, but Blue… I thought you got electrocuted and then I couldn’t find you and—”
She cut him off with a winded laugh. “Steven, I’m fine, don’t worry.”
He nodded, just checking on her physical health as she checked him. “This is so much worse than I thought it was going to be. I just wanted to get those corrupted gems healed, not get myself and you traumatized and possibly killed.”
She laughed, again (how was she laughing? He was terrified, that sentence wasn’t even supposed to be a joke. It felt like they’d switched places) and he just huffed out what was supposed to be a chuckle but failed. “Okay, okay.” He started, catching the breaths that he hadn’t realized he’d lost. “I should probably get back to that before they shatter each other.”
She didn’t get the chance to respond before he ran back towards the fight, but the footsteps behind him made him realize that she was just following him. Oh, alright, then! That’s actually a horrible idea, but okay. Whatever. If she dies, I’m going down with her.
He knew what he had to do. Protect Connie, protect the gems, get Yellow to listen, convince White to help them, get home, heal the corrupted gems. Basically the same plan as before, but now Connie was actually with him. Maybe fusing would help, but that might make Blue turn on them.
No, he was getting off track. They wouldn’t fuse, that could get Connie hurt. He would protect her. This actually kind of felt like that time Pearl had convinced Connie to be his ‘knight’ and she’d been ready to die for him, but flipped.
And he was getting distracted again. He had to focus.
He was fully prepared for this.
—————————
What he hadn’t been fully prepared for was Blue’s arm ship showing up in the middle of the fight.
He watched it, practically in shock as it approached them. It’d shown up at a perfect moment, too; he was injured, he had multiple cuts, his shirt was covered in blood, and it had looked like Yellow was about to strike him again. Connie was, thankfully, mostly unscathed, except for a few scrapes from when she’d been hit by tiny rocks flying by. He was exhausted, but if he stopped fighting for even a moment, they could lose the battle.
Except for now, because this ship arriving had distracted everyone nearby. Including innocent bystander gems who’d just been watching. Innocent bystander gems who were now scattering away, probably terrified out of their minds at the sight of Blue Diamond’s ship arriving while she was right in front of them.
Before it could land, it looked like Yellow was the first to shake herself out of the shock, and she was preparing to deliver another blow to Blue, who was unprepared. Steven opened his mouth to warn her, but in the silence of the moment, his voice caught in his throat and he found himself frustratingly unable to speak.
It was completely silent.
Until Yellow punched Blue, and suddenly everything broke out into chaos and violence again.
Come on, she can’t even wait until that ominous and mysterious ship has landed? She can’t control her violent urges for two seconds to see who the hell has Blue’s ship right now?
Steven carefully threw his shield, aiming it for Yellow’s eye. How he had gone from just wanting to talk her out of fighting to literally attacking her, even if it was to protect the only high-ranking gem on his side, he genuinely didn’t know.
She grunted, probably just annoyed instead of hurt, but if he did it enough maybe it would distract her enough for him to be able to talk some sense into her like he’d originally wanted to.
The ship didn’t land when it reached them. While preparing his shield again, he kept an eye on it and completely dropped his makeshift weapon (seriously, it was supposed to be used for defence) in shock when the mechanical hand kind of just slapped Yellow Diamond.
The metallic bang as it hit her helmet echoed across what sounded like all of Homeworld, the noise being loud enough for him to need to cover his ears as he looked up through confused eyes.
Gasps rung out from around the battlefield, consisting of four shocked people, only three of which who were actually fighting. Now whoever was controlling the ship landed it, and everyone turned to see who it was. Everyone except him. Narrowing his eyes, he threw his shield again. However, he unfortunately missed his shot when Yellow angrily moved towards the arm, fists clenched as she stomped her way over to it. Her furiously heavy footsteps caused tremors in the now-unstable ground, earthquakes that made both him and Connie lose their balance.
He made his way back to her unsteadily, grabbing onto her so that they could both hopefully steady themselves, but moving away and taking the bubble with him when a sphere much like the one White Diamond’s pearl had arrived in arose from the palm of the ship.
As the sphere slowly fell away, he couldn’t suppress a relieved grin when it revealed Bismuth, Lapis, and Peridot standing there. The two of the three that’d been poofed had new outfits, while Bismuth wore a smug smirk. It fell, though, when her eyes travelled to him, probably taking in his disheveled appearance. She blinked, but he just smiled at her, struggling to catch his breath.
Connie leaned over to him. “Come on! Let’s get out of here.” Before he could protest, she shook her head. “Listen, I know you want to convince the Diamonds to help, but today’s not the day. We can try again later on, but not today. Not now. This might be our only way out, and I have to take it. And, if I’m going, I refuse to leave you here, so, by extension, you’re taking it, too. Now let’s go!”
He hesitated, but then glanced down at the bubble in his hands and nodded with a determined expression.
The slowly started sneaking across the battlefield, where Blue and Yellow were fighting again. Apparently Blue had managed to distract Yellow again, which seemed to be one of her many helpful abilities.
They were so close — they were right there! The ship was right in front of them, they’d almost made it. Lapis was discreetly motioning for them to hurry up, a look of extreme worry crossing her face. Peridot caught on and joined, and he could see Bismuth flicking glances at them anxiously out of the corner of her eye while also watching the fight with interest. Steven could practically feel the metal beneath his feet, even though he had flip-flops on. They were almost there. They were going to make it out!
“Look out!” Connie cried from behind him, and he flipped to his side just in time to see Yellow’s huge boot coming at them. He just froze, seeing how close it was. It felt like everything was going in slow motion, with how the boot was inching closer to him with a pace slower than those slow-mo clips from comedy shows.
And then Connie crashed into him, and things went back to the normal speed.
Everything would have been fine. They would have made it onto the ship before they were kicked. They would have made it home normally, if only the bubble hadn’t slipped from his hands.
He realized what had happened too late. He was already on the ground, right in front of the ship, when he felt hands that could only be Bismuth’s grab him from behind and pull him backwards onto the ship. Then it hit him that he was no longer holding it, that precious bubble that held the gems he loved most. “No!” He shrieked, squirming and trying to get out and get to them. “No, no!” Lapis dragged Connie in before the bubble thing built up around them and pulled them inside the ship. “Wait! Wait, no, no, no!” He desperately threw himself at the wall of the ship, trying to break out because he couldn’t see any other way out. “Let me out! Let me go back! Come on! Please, please!”
This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t have just dropped the most important gems in his life, the gems who’d practically raised him. He couldn’t have.
This can’t be happening.
He felt the ship begin to move, felt the confused eyes on him. Felt the others inside watching his terrified outburst. “Wait! No, go back! No, no, no! No!” He screamed, pounding at the wall.
Bismuth grabbed him, turning him around and holding him under the armpits like a misbehaving cat. “Steven! Hey, what’s wrong? You said to come get you, we did!”
Connie looked at him, horror in her eyes. She knew. She’d realized. “Steven, did you drop the…” She trailed off, breathing hard. It was like she didn’t want to finish the sentence, and he wouldn’t blame her. He wouldn’t want to, either. He didn’t even want to believe it.
Tears slipped from his eyes as the reality of it all hit him like a hard blow to the chest. “The bubble slipped… I… I tried to grab it, I swear, but…” He couldn’t form a sentence. He was a mess, he was horrified. “Oh, god, no.”
Lapis moved towards him. “Steven, what is it?”
“The gems.” He mumbled, choking over sobs. “They were in a bubble, and I—” His voice broke, tone wavering. “I dropped them when Connie shoved me towards the ship.”
The realization hit all of them, one by one.
Bismuth’s eyes widened, welling up with tears at his words. The gems she’d fought with for hundreds, thousands of years, the gems she’d been so close with, gone. Just like that. They were lost on Homeworld.
Peridot blinked in shock. The gems that had saved her when she was trapped on Earth, thinking she was going to be shattered by the cluster, the gems that she’d bonded with after betraying Yellow Diamond, gone. Just like that. They were lost on Homeworld.
Lapis drew in a harsh, shaky breath. The gems that had saved her after that fusion with Jasper, after Malachite, the gems that welcomed her to the Crystal Gems with no hesitation despite the time she’d been away, gone. Just like that. They were lost on Homeworld.
Connie covered her mouth, trembling. The gems she’d grown close with while training with them for nearly a year, the gems who’d protected her, kept her safe, gone. Just like that. They were lost on Homeworld.
Steven sobbed, sinking to the ground. He pounded at the floor of the ship as if it would take them back to Homeworld, crying out for whoever was controlling it to send them back down, send him out to go get the bubble. The gems that’d raised him, trained him, loved him, the gems that’d comforted him when he felt like they’d prefer to have his mother around instead of him, the gems who he’d laughed with and cried with, the gems who’d been there for all of his greatest achievements, the gems he’d loved most, gone. Just like that. They were lost on Homeworld.
“They’re gone.”
—————————
Needless to say, there was no celebrating when they returned home.
There was the booming crash as they landed the ship, as carefully as possible.
There was the deafening silence afterwards.
There was silence as Greg arrived, silence as Greg asked how it’d gone, silence as Greg freaked out over Steven’s actively bleeding injuries.
Silence that spread to him as he realized that something was wrong.
Silence that became timid questions from the human before them as he noticed that Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl weren’t with them.
Silence as he realized that something was really wrong when he didn’t get an answer.
Silence that was broken, shattered just as easily as a gem, by Steven softly sobbing.
There was a room full of quiet voices.
There was Connie quietly explaining what had happened.
Quietly explaining what they’d lost.
There was Steven’s broken-up and jumbled attempts at an explanation.
There was the sound of Steven crying too much to say anything but a jumbled mess of choked noises.
And then there was the heartbreaking silence again.
And then Steven left.
Well, not really left. But it sure felt like he did. He silently walked up to his room, which was, luckily, unharmed from all that had happened before (had Bismuth rebuilt the house? He was sure it had been practically broken down the centre, but maybe he was somehow remembering things wrong) with tears still steadily flowing down his cheeks. Nobody followed him. Nobody called out to him.
Bismuth was the next to go.
She mumbled something about going back to the forge, something about needing to prepare for another attack, and then stumbled off to the surprisingly not broken warp pad.
After that was Lapis and Peridot.
They agreed silently that they would go stay in the area the barn had been in until they could find somewhere else, and then off they went.
Connie did not leave.
Greg did not leave.
Steven did not leave.
—————————
The phone call with Connie’s mother was going to be awkward, to say the least.
Awkward and quiet.
The phone rang once, twice, three times, and she was worried her mom wasn’t going to pick up. Until she heard the familiar voice on the other line. “This is Dr. Maheswaren speaking.”
She sighed, gritting her teeth. “Hey, mom. It’s Connie.” She started, still trembling slightly.
“Oh. Hi, Connie. How did it go?” She opened her mouth to speak, but was never given the chance. “Are you coming home soon? Your father and I have been worried sick. Oh, you’re not hurt, are you?”
“No, I’m fine, don’t worry.” She took a deep breath. This was going to take a lot of convincing with her mother’s worried and protective nature. She was going to have to work hard to do this. “Listen, I need to stay at Steven’s overnight. I know I promised we’d spend time together once I got back, but…” She trailed off, not quite knowing how to explain everything to her mother. She didn’t know about gems poofing, or how Steven’s mom had actually been the Pink Diamond Connie had told her about. Or anything about the gems, to be honest.
There was a pause. “…But what? If something is wrong, I need to know. You can stay over, that’s fine, as long as Greg or the gems are nearby, but if something bad happened, you need to tell me. Is someone else hurt? Did Steven get injured? I can fit him in tomorrow at nine-thirty for a checkup, if he needs it. But if nothing happened and you guys just want to celebrate, that’s perfectly fine.”
Connie blinked in surprise, mouth practically falling open through her shock. She steadied herself, not having expected her mother to be fine with it that easily. But she wasn’t complaining, this just meant less time spent on this phone call and more time that could be spent making sure Steven was okay.
Her mother’s comment hit her then, about Greg or the gems needing to be nearby. Of course, Greg was around, but the gems, obviously, were not. She let out a defeated sigh, leaning against the wall of the house to keep herself from crumbling to the ground. “There was an issue while we were getting out. Basically, Steven couldn’t convince the diamonds to help and we ended up being literally right beside Blue and Yellow, the ones who were here after Garnet’s wedding, while they were fighting. But before that, they… okay, this isn’t going to be easy to explain.”
“That’s fine, I’ll listen.”
She nodded, even if her mother wasn’t there to see it.
This was going to take a while.
—————————
When Steven was sure his father and Connie had gone outside to talk, he took in a sharp, trembling breath.
That was all it took for him to break down again.
He was still crying as he changed out of his bloody clothing. Still crying as he put a clean pair of pyjamas on. Still crying as he collapsed onto his bed, then pushed himself back up with a grunt. He didn’t want to go to sleep now. Not yet.
This is all Yellow Diamond’s fault. He decided, tears dripping from his eyes. If she hadn’t kicked us, this whole… but if I had just tried harder to convince her, maybe… He couldn’t form a thought, let alone decide who to blame. Yellow Diamond, or himself?
Me.
The thought even shocked him a little bit (albeit barely), but he knew, somewhere, somehow, deep down, it was all him. All his fault. It didn’t matter that Yellow had kicked them, he had been the one that had failed to convince her to help, he had been the one who decided trying to join in the fight and get through to her was a great idea instead of getting out, he had been the one who had decided they had to go to Homeworld in the first place.
He had been the one who had dropped the bubble.
No amount of blame on Yellow Diamond was going to change that.
He clenched his fist, anger rushing through him suddenly. With a sound between a yell and a sob, he swung at the first thing he saw. It fell to the floor with a crash, but the pain didn’t register immediately, so he kept going. Tears blurred his vision, so he actually couldn’t tell what he’d just punched (and possibly destroyed, he didn’t know, he couldn’t see) but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
Chest heaving, he attempted to blink the tears away (and failed) as he turned and smashed his knuckles into what he could only assume was a lamp. Something shattered as it hit the floor, but he just kicked it again and again. With no warning, he whipped around, arm raised to strike, when he realized there wasn’t really anything in front of him to strike.
He blinked again, still unable to clear up his tears, but just shook his head, storming over to the other side of his room and slamming his fist into what he knew was the shelf above his bed. It rattled with the things on it, but he did it again. And again, and again, continuing to do it until that Cookie Cat alarm fell. He gritted his teeth and swung down at it again, hitting it and hitting it until he felt something break and suddenly it was almost split in half.
Then he moved on to whatever was behind him, his punches becoming more and more frequent (it was almost like Garnet when she was fighting — but he couldn’t think about that now, it hurt) as his sorrow-fuelled rage continued. He was starting to feel the pain in his knuckles now, the little cuts and scrapes, but it was nothing compared to the emotional torture he was currently suffering through.
But then his injuries from the fight started hitting him again and he collapsed when his legs — which, he remembered now, had literally been electrocuted by Yellow Diamond (how had he been standing that whole time?) — buckled beneath him.
The anger faded into grief, which faded into hopelessness as he took one final, feeble swing and swept the broken alarm off his bed before he finally sat up. With shaky hands and soft sobs, he lifted his comforter and climbed under the blankets, lying down. He didn’t exactly want to sleep right now, but he wanted to do anything else even less, so this was, clearly, the best option. Even if he didn’t actually go to sleep immediately and just laid there, sobbing defeatedly.
Especially if he didn’t actually go to sleep immediately and just laid there, sobbing defeatedly.
And he did just that for hours.
Literal hours. When he crawled into his bed, it had been around midnight. But when he finally found himself growing tired, he realized, it was far past four in the morning. And even then, the tears kept coming, strong as ever.
His tears fell upon the pillow that night, trembling and sobbing as he held himself the way Pearl wouldn’t be able to.
He shut his eyes tight, whispering hushed and what would usually be comforting words the way Garnet wouldn’t be able to.
His dirty and bloody shirt lay discarded on the ground, the entire room a mess from when he had absolutely destroyed everything in sight in a fit of grief-filled rage the way Amethyst wouldn’t be able to.
And as he cried until his eyes were dry, until his shaking, gasping breaths finally slowed and until he finally fell asleep, the only thing he could think of was that he had lost them.