Chapter Text
On September 1st, 1971 Regulus Black woke up from a fretful sleep. He had dreamed about the unavoidable event that was his brother leaving for Hogwarts, about how lonely he was going to be and how cruel his mother could be.
He looked out the window and knew he couldn’t get out of bed for another few hours, since it was still dark. Regulus had at a very young age learned that getting up before his mother wasn’t something that she appreciated, and since he knew he wouldn’t fall asleep again he’d just have to lie there until Kreacher came to wake him up.
There was always the option of going to Sirius’ room, but that would be risky, if he in any way alerted his parents he knew he’d be punished, or more likely Sirius would find a way to take the blame.
Just when he decided to go to Sirius, the door opened slowly, as to not make any noise and Sirius slipped in quickly before closing it again. When he turned around to face Regulus bed he seemed a little shocked to see Regulus looking back at him.
They were silent for a moment before Sirius spoke up.
“I couldn’t sleep and figured it would be better to go here than to just rot in my bed.”
“Oh, so you came to rot in mine?” Regulus asked in a playful tone.
”Well, not if you’re going to be rude about it,” he answered in an equally playful voice.
”I’m sorry, I was just about to go to your room anyway.”
“Oh yeah? Have you been awake for long?”
“No, I just woke up a few minutes ago,” and then when Sirius gave him a questioning look, he added “I just had another nightmare, no big deal.”
Sirius hummed in acknowledgment and walked across the room to sit on the bed. Regulus scooted closer to the wall and Sirius lied down next to him.
They didn’t say anything for a while, it was comfortable in a way that it never was around other people, there was never any judgement between the two of them. Other people usually made him feel inadequate and useless, like if he did anything wrong he would never have the luxury to be noticed again.
Regulus was almost certain that Sirius had fallen asleep when he asked the question, “are you nervous about going away?”
He hadn’t expected an answer, so he was a little surprised when Sirius murmured a quiet “not really.”
”No?”
”No, ‘m just a little bummed about leaving you here, that’s all,” he said in a sleepy voice.
”You don’t have to worry about me, I’ll be fine.” Regulus knew it was a lie, but he didn’t want to think about what would happen while Sirius was gone.
Sirius sighed and looked over at Regulus with that look that slightly perturbed expression that only he could muster, but he thankfully didn’t push.
”What was your nightmare about then?”
”Nothing,” he answered a bit too quickly.
”We both know that’s not true.”
Regulus paused for a moment before muttering a low “I don’t want you to worry.”
”I’ll worry either way so you might as well tell me the truth,” was the answer he got.
”It… it was just,” he paused for a moment, before he continued “you left and forgot all about me.”
”You know I won’t ever forget about you, right?” Sirius looked so sad, which didn’t make sense because Sirius never looked sad. He looked happy, he looked mischievous, sometimes he even looked angry, but never in all of Regulus ten years on this earth had he seen Sirius look sad.
”Promise?” Regulus asked, looking hopeful.
“I swear it, on my life.”
……………………………………………………
Sirius had left about an hour later so that they wouldn’t be caught by their mother.
When he heard Kreacher scuffle through the hallway outside his room he quickly pretended to be asleep as he heard him knocking on Sirius door before walking across the hallway to knock on his own.
He muttered a quick answer before getting up to get dressed.
As soon as he was done he stepped out of his room to go downstairs. He made sure to be as quiet as possible, since his parents didn’t like it when he was loud. When he was at the bottom of the stairs he heard loud footsteps from the floor above. Sirius had never listened much to their parents.
Sirius reached the dining room right after Regulus, only to receive a scathing look from their mother.
”I thought I told you not to clamp down the stairs,” she spoke in cold voice.
”I’m sorry, maman,” Sirius said with his head held down. She only gave him a disapproving gaze as she continued sipping her morning tea.
The two boys sat down and waited for their father to give them a sign to dig in. When he didn’t say anything for a minute, Regulus looked up to see him reading an article in the Daily Prophet.
He placed the paper next to him on the table when he was done and looked up at Sirius with the same distant expression as usual before turning to his wife with a questioning look. She nodded and they both turned back to Sirius before Orion spoke “Do you have any idea of what was written in that paper?”
Sirius looked confused but decided to play a safe card, “Something about politics, maybe?” Almost every time their father spoke to them it was about politics.
”Yes, but can you be a bit more specific?” Their father looked expectantly at his oldest son.
Regulus thought that it was completely unfair to ask anyone that, especially since he just got there and there was no way he would know what the article was about. But Sirius had always been smart and he answered with a nonchalant voice.
”I’ll just assume it’s about muggles.”
Their mother gave him a disgusted look, as if she had half a mind to scold him over the tone of voice he had used, but Orion just nodded and seemed to think about what to say for a minute. Ultimately he decided on “You know you can’t make friends with any of the muggleborn students while at hogwarts, not that there should be any in Slytherin, but you should stay away from them, the bloodtraitors as well. Especially the Potter boy.”
Sirius nodded, even though he didn’t seem very happy about it. They both knew this already, they had been told about how horrible muggles were from a young age, and while Sirius never seemed to really believe it, Regulus had a hard time not believing it. He knew that they were bad, even if didn’t quite know why, his parents had lived longer and knew a lot more than Sirius, so of course they were right.
Orion seemed content with that and nodded while shifting his gaze to Regulus for the first time that morning.
”You can eat now.”
……………………………………………………
A few hours later and the family stood gathered on platform nine and three quarters.
The whole family was there to show a united front to the other families, since they had a high profile in the wizarding world.
Regulus watched as wizards and witches, some who he knew and some that he didn’t looked at him and Sirius with approval in their eyes. Wherever they went in the wizarding world there was bound to be at least one comment on how well behaved they were. Regulus never understood this, how could they be well behaved if they got punished all the time?
As they waited their aunt and uncle came over with their cousins. While the adults greeted each other, the two teenagers looked at each other and then gave the young boys a hug each. Andromeda and Narcissa were the two younger of the black sisters, with only a one year age difference while Bellatrix was three years older than Andromeda. Bellatrix was nowhere to be seen though, which wasn’t really unexpected considering that she graduated two years earlier. It was still slightly disappointing since she was Regulus favorite cousin.
Andromeda and Sirius started talking immediately while Regulus felt a little left out and he looked over at Narcissa, who was already looking at him with a sad smile on her lips.
”Are you anxious about Sirius going?” She asked in that kind way she only talked to her baby cousins.
He considered lying but knew it would be to no avail. “Yes, but only a little?”
“Only a little, huh?” She looked at him a little funny. “You know, I was scared to death when both Bella and Andy had to go, but then, before I knew it, it was my turn and now everything is fine.”
He gave her a blank stare before she continued “I mean, I know that you’re probably scared of being alone and I get that, but Sirius will write to you, I know he will. You have nothing to worry about and then next year when it’s your turn, you’ll be able to talk to him every day.”
“I know, it’s just so scary, I’ll be all alone with no one to talk too.” He stated in slight distress.
”Yes, but it’s only for a year then he’ll be back.”
He only hummed slightly, he planned to respond but the icy voice of his mother interrupted him.
”Sirius! Stop doing that, you’re embarrassing us!”
Regulus looked over and saw Sirius in a silly pose with his hands over his head and his knees slightly bent. He quickly corrected his posture while Walburga started scolding him.
Regulus turned to the two sisters who were now talking in low voices with each other before they turned to him and said their goodbyes as they went to meet up with their friends.
Walburga stopped scolding Sirius after a minute or two, before she started to nag him on how to behave at school and his brother’s expression quickly turned to a bored one. Suddenly he looked like he was holding back laughter while looking at something, Regulus looked in the same direction and saw a boy with sandy hair and scars all over his face in one of the train windows, he was pulling a face at Sirius.
Their mother’s rant ended and she bent over slightly and said a low “go on kiss your mother goodbye.”
It was almost menacing and there was a glint of cruel satisfaction as Sirius quickly pecked her cheek, clearly looking humiliated. As soon as he turned her back to her he grimaced and it was Regulus turn to hold back laughter.
“I’ll see you at Christmas, right?” Asked Regulus.
”Of course, I wouldn’t miss that for anything in the world.”
He nodded in response before saying “I’ll miss you.”
”I’ll miss you too.” He smiled brightly before the horn of the train blared loudly.
Sirius hugged him tightly before releasing him to turn toward the train, right before stepping in he turned around and shouted a quick goodbye before getting on.
After a few minutes he could see Sirius waving at him out of the same window that the boy from earlier had sat in.
As the train rolled away he remembered Narcissas words from earlier, remembered how she said everything would be fine.
If only she knew how wrong she had been.
Notes:
So this is my first fic and I sort of have no idea what I’m doing, I literally have about as much literary talent as a 6 year old child but thought it might be fun and I just rly like the idea of this.
Also my first language is NOT English so if there’s any spelling/grammar mistakes pls tell me. Also that might explain if it ever gets dry.
Anyways hope u liked it, I had a lot of fun writing it and I’ll try to update regularly.
Bye bye :D
Chapter 2: Chapter 2
Summary:
autumn+Christmas 1971
Chapter Text
12 Grimmauld Place was a mess the week following Sirius departure. Countless owls with letters demanding that Sirius house was changed from his parents were flying out the house, and every single owl returning with letters denying the requests. When the regular letters didn’t work, Walburga had turned to sending howlers, some directed to Sirius and some to the Hogwarts staff. They clearly very strict about their children being in Slytherin, in fact, according to them the absolute worst place to end up was Gryffindor.
His parents were absolutely devastated, you could’ve thought that Sirius had suffered a fatal injury with how they had been acting, though of course they probably wouldn’t have as strong of a reaction since that most likely wouldn’t ruin their reputation. His father had locked himself in his study, to do what Regulus had no idea but his mother had gone absolutely ballistic. She screamed bloody murder at anything she saw and wouldn’t hesitate to throw things at you, this meant that Regulus had to stay in his room most of the time and he barely got to eat, but going to bed hungry was nothing new, considering that was a very popular punishment with his parents.
The absolute worst part of the situation was that they had confiscated Sirius owl and they had forbidden Regulus from writing to him. This meant that Regulus had no idea when he’d hear from Sirius.
So, when an owl knocked on his window during the second week of September, it was somewhat of a surprise.
Regulus quickly opened the window to let the owl in. Before he could do anything else the owl extended its leg where there was a letter waiting for him. He gently removed it before tearing it open.
Dear Regulus,
I want you to know that I am well, being sorted into Gryffindor wasn´t all bad (I assume you already heard about it). The worst part was propably all the howlers maman sent, it was truly humilyating.
I´ve made some friends though, my room mates are pretty wonderful, though I don´t think mum and dad would approve of them considering that two of them are blood-traitors (that´s really a stupid word, it´s just what others would call them) and the other one is a halfblood (don´t tell them about it, please?) and honestly what were the odds that I would meet and befriend James Potter the first thing I did? (again, please don´t tell them)
Anyway there´s also a group of girls that we get along with pretty well, I don´t think they really like me and James all that much, but they adore our other two roommates and they´re not bad company so it´s fine with me, though disliking James seems like such an impossible thing to do. He´s just so likeable. And he gets along with everybody, even teachers seem to like him even when he´s loud and disrupts the class.
Speaking of James, I got to borrow his owl since mine was confiscated. I know I should´ve found a way to write to you sooner but I really couldn´t think of anything, it wasn´t until after James had offered his owl that Remus (our roommate) mentioned that I could´ve just used one of the owls from the owlery. I know you were probably banned from writing to me and that´s why you haven´t, but if that´s not why and you just don´t want to then you don´t have to (i want you to though).
I hope you´re doing well and that they haven´t been too harsh on you, please tell me all about it if you write back.
Love,
Sirius
Regulus smiled while writing the reply, correcting the few spelling mistakes Sirius had made in his letter since he knew Sirius could get a little sloppy when he got excited and liked to have his mistakes pointed out. When he was done, he turned to the owl with a little hesitance. He didn´t know how to feel about it since it belonged to a blood-traitor and was most likely at least somewhat demented, though he supposed it was a little silly to think of it that way. It was just an owl, it couldn´t help that it´s owners didn´t want what was best for wizards. He supposed it might have had something to do with the jealousy he felt. He had always been Sirius´ favourite person and now he wasn´t?
He shook his head quickly before sneaking out of his room to get some water and a little snack for the owl before returning and tying the letter to the owl's leg. Once the owl had finished the water Regulus let it out in the night and he could only hope for the reply to come soon.
It was early October when Regulus found himself sitting in the salon with Walburga, Druella and Bellatrix. They were sipping their tea and gossiping while he was practicing his handwriting, since that was something his parents had made very clear was something a well brought up person was required to have.
Regulus often sat together with the girls in the family. Whenever other people told him that he was lucky to have such strong and powerful males to teach him how to be a real man while talking about Orion and his uncles, he had to hold himself back from laughing. His mother did the vast majority of the parenting, and he was rarely invited when his father wanted Sirius to spend some time around the men which left Regulus with his cousins, the only male person he regularly interacted with was Sirius.
The three women were talking about the latest scandal, something about a young witch running of to America to be with her “true love” only to find out that he was a conman who just wanted to take all her money (which he apparently succeeded with). Contrary to popular belief, the high-class pureblood girls loved gossip more than anything. After they had finished with the topic of the young witch Walburga watched Bellatrix with a pondering look, as if she had somehow just come up with the cure for death.
”Bella, I’ve always wondered how you can get all of the gossip before it hits the papers, would you mind telling me?” Walburga asked after a while.
”Well, Rita usually tells me all about the latest article she’s writing.”
”Oh, so you still hang around the skeeter girl?”
“Unfortunately, yes. That family couldn’t pick a side if they wanted to, they only care about whatever benefits them the most,” answered Druella this time. Bellatrix gave her a scathing look before turning back to her tea.
”But she’s a pureblood, right?” Walburga asked.
”Of course,” Bellatrix scoffed “as if I’d be friends with a mudblood.”
”No need to get so defensive.” Walburga chuckled. “Anyway, have you been seeing anyone lately? You should be getting married soon.”
Bellatrix looked slightly panicked before muttering “not really, no.”
”No? What about that Lestrange boy you were always so close with, are you still in contact with him?” She asked, while Druella looked on with a cruelly amused smirk on her face.
”Rodulphus? No, no, we’re just friends and I like to keep my options open.”
“Open for who? I’m sure you know all the pureblood men your age.” Walburga insisted. Regulus hadn’t realized that he was openly staring at the three before she snapped “Stop staring at us, go back to writing!”
Bellatrix smiled at him empathetically when he flinched. Something most adults got wrong was the Black Sisters. Most of them seemed to think that Bella was some kind of horrible monster, Andromeda was an innocent angel and Narcissa was just this shy little quiet girl. This was completely untrue, Narcissa was definitely the mean one, even though she had her moments like at the train station the previous month, she was just good at sucking up to elders. Andromeda was a complete rebel, Regulus knew for a fact that she listened to muggle bands and that she thought everything her parents had taught her about muggles was complete bullocks. Bellatrix however was definitely the nice one, sure, she could be loud and opinionated and slightly unhinged at times, she was a little harder on Sirius than she was Regulus, but she always apologized when she had gone too far, she very rarely raised her voice at people younger than her and she was always the one to break up the others fights.
When Regulus didn´t immediately continue with his work, Walburga stood up and made her way over to slap him upside the head.
Walburga Black was an intimidating woman, she could be cruel and unforgiving, especially when it came to her children. None of that mattered to Regulus because she was his mother and she loved him, he knew she did. It wasn´t her fault that he was a bad son.
Regulus kept on practising after that, letting the calming voices of the three women fall away.
October went by quickly and by the time Halloween came around Regulus was panicking. Despite his efforts he hadn´t been able to get Sirius a present without his parents noticing and with only three days left Regulus had almost accepted that he´d have to give up on the gift.
The two brothers had kept writing each other letters after that first one, although sparingly, so that their parents wouldn´t notice. Sirius had told him that he didn´t expect a gift, but Regulus couldn´t not get him anything.
Regulus knew that he couldn´t buy anything since his parents most definitely would know. He also couldn´t take something from the house since most things were either cursed or strictly guarded.
That left making something for Sirius.
The problem with that was that Regulus had never been good at crafts.
While looking for ideas he went through his bottom drawer and almost thought there wasn´t any useful things in there. That´s when he saw a piece of paper sticking up in the back.
He carefully pulled out the drawer all the way before trying to remove the paper but stopped when the corner ripped slightly. He decided to remove the bottom of it, because that´s what he and Sirius had done when they wanted to hide things from their parents when they were little.
He almost gasped when he saw what was hidden under the board.
There were dozens of drawings. Crayon drawings.
The joy filled his little body as the memories came back to him.
When he and Sirius had been younger, about 5 and 6, their nanny had taken them out to the park. While they had been there Sirius had found a pack of barely used crayons and of course he had taken them home. As soon as the two boys had been washed up Sirius had dragged Regulus into his room and showed him the crayons and they had started right away. They drew castles, and landscapes, and people. None of them were very good, they were childish and sloppy, but they felt right. They had hidden the drawings and the crayons under the bottom drawer since their parents had never found anything they hid there.
Regulus knew exactly what to do now.
One of the Hogwarts owls arrived a few days later, on the second, with a letter to Regulus and he had the gift ready and quickly went through it all one last time.
He had drawn pictures of himself with Sirius, of things the other enjoyed like quidditch and flowers. He had even drawn one of Sirius with his friends, based on the very little information he had of them. They were just as messy as the ones the two brothers had drawn when they were little, as Regulus had tried to imitate the style. He then picked out some of his favourites and put them together with the other paintings. He finished it off with some of the crayons in a little baggie and the letter he had written.
He put the package on the owl's leg and let it out the window, having nothing but hope that Sirius would like the gift.
The weeks before Christmas were full of anticipation, not for the event itself but for the return of Sirius. The excitement however pretty quickly proved to be unnecessary as the happiness turned to disappointment as soon as Sirius started to talk about his friends, which was immediately.
"They´re all really great, you know." Sirus said for the millionth time that day, without his smile having faded for even a second. "Did I tell you about the time where Remus came up with a prank all by himself? He´s so clever. He´s very kind too, beside the occasional meltdown. He can really throw a punch, trust me I´d know...."
He continued his ramblings about his friend while Regulus listened patiently. He was ashamed of himsef when the jealousy he had felt ever since that first letter had come wouldn´t leave. Eventually the younger of the two interrupted the other.
"I thought the Potter boy was your best friend?" He asked, only continuing when Sirius gave him a confused look, "You said that he was your best friend, but you won´t shut up about Remus, or whatever his name is."
Sirius looked slightly flustered before answering "Well... I-I just... I mean I like them all equally and James is my best friend, Remus is just..." The boy trailed off, seeming to think it over for a second before answering lowly but confidently, "He´s just special."
The soft smile on his lips was enough for Regulus to know that if he let the other keep on talking, he´d have to listen to the same ramblings the entire holiday.
He discreetly switched topics and the two talked until Kreacher came to get them for dinner.
It was apparent that their parents didn´t want anything to do with Sirius. They didn´t talk to him. They didn´t look at him. They didn´t even breath in his direction. Who would have thought that these well-respected people in their community had the capacity to hold a that strong against their own son? Regulus did.
Instead, they turned their attention to Regulus, they talked to him and praised him for the few things he had done right recently. It felt nice, even if the guilt was weighing heavily on his chest.
“You already managed Wingardium Leviosa, didn´t you Regulus?” His mother asked with a proud smile on her face, “That´s a lot better than most wizards that age.” She said the last part with a sneer on her face while slightly turning in Sirius direction. Sirius had struggled for a lot longer with that spell.
Regulus couldn´t help but let the wave of pride well over him. Sirius had always been the exceptional one, had always been the best, so managing something before Sirius had almost been a relief.
Then he saw the look on Sirius face and the pride faded.
A few days later was the annual Black family Christmas ball.
They switched host every year, which usually meant it was between the three Black siblings. This year it was Walburga and Orions turn.
The two weren´t as happy about it as they usually would be, considering that the focus would most likely be on Sirius.
There wasn´t anything to do about it however and they prepared the whole thing. The party had begun at 7 o´clock and two hours later it was still as lively as ever. Only families of the Sacred 28 were invited by the Blacks, though of course others were allowed to invite other purebloods. This rule led to Sirius friend Peter being at the ball, and to be honest, some of the jealousy Regulus had disappeared, not because he thought bad of the older boy, but because he could understand why Sirius liked him.
Apparently, Peters family weren’t blood-traitors, Peter was the only one in the family who sympathized with muggles openly, the rest of them only did behind closed doors, as they didn´t want to be cast out of the wizarding society as brutally as some other families had been.
The night went on smoothly, and soon enough the guests went home to relax. Sirius plans to do the same seemed to be interrupted however, as Walburga blocked his way up the stairs.
"We got to hear something quite interesting from the Pettigrews," she said with a harsh expression. This was the first time she said anything directly to Sirius since he got back. "do you know what that could be?"
Sirius was frozen in place for a moment before slowly shaking his head.
"Oh, come on. You know what I´m talking about. Want a clue?" When he didn´t answer, she continued lowly "It´s about the friends you´ve chosen for yourself."
"Right..." Sirius tried looking confused, but quickly gave up as their mother didn´t let up. "we´re roommates, what was I supposed to do?"
“Firstly, you were supposed to be in Slytherin, but since you couldn´t manage even that, you should have at least ignored the little bastard.” She said it all with a nasty sneer.
“I´m sorry,” said Sirius with a fire in his eyes that Regulus hadn´t seen before. “I will do better.” The tone was overly polite. It was clear that he didn´t mean it.
“You little brat!” Walburga hissed before composing herself. “I don´t have the energy for this,” she muttered before turning on her heel and walking up the stairs.
“Let´s go upstairs,” Sirius uttered.
Once they had gone up and gotten ready, they had comfortably laid down next to each other on Regulus bed. They were silent for a few minutes before Sirius spoke up.
“I never thanked you properly for my birthday gift.” He stated.
“You don´t have to, it was nothing.”
“No, but it was though. It was the best gift I got, truly.”
“Oh... Well, to be honest, I didn´t know what else to do. Wasn´t sure you´d like it.”
“Wouldn´t like it? It meant so much to me, I loved it.” He was sitting up by now, looking down at Regulus with a bemused expression.
“Well, no problem, it was my pleasure to give you such an exquisite present.” Sirius smirked at that before lying back down.
“You little shit,” he said under his breath. Regulus couldn´t help but giggle at the curse word, wondering where he´d learned it.
It was quiet for a while before Regulus said with a serious voice. “Maman is right, you know.”
“...What do you mean,” the other said in disbelief.
“You shouldn´t have become friends with a potter after dad told you not to.”
“You little shit.” It was said with bite this time and Regulus knew he had messed up.
Sirius didn´t like to be told what to do.
Sirius got rapidly got out of the bed and made his way to his own room, not even bothering to respond to Regulus when he said goodnight.
The rest of the break went by and the two boys barely spoke. Eventually the older had to return to school and Regulus was left by himself in the big house.
masastaaaa (Guest) on Chapter 1 Sat 19 Aug 2023 01:05PM UTC
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