Lost beyond the stars.

by Chipped_Melog

Summary:

when Hordak finds out about Shadow Weaver, he does not send Catra away, no.

He has many a plans to inflict upon her, leaving her with two questions.

am I loved?

Or am hated like nothing else on this forsaken planet?

Chapter 1: Prologue

Dark. Cold. Spooky.

The three words Catra associated with Hordaks sanctum.

She currently kneeled before Hordak, her heart pounding in fear. There was no reason for her to be in here. Had he found out about Shadow Weavers escape?

She hopes Entrapta hasn't made him some kind of contraption allowing him to see the way her heart rate skyrockets in panic at his silent gaze.

All of a sudden, he stands, and gestures for her to come closer.

For a moment, she is unsure, but he is her boss and therefore she must obey his every whim.

'Force Captain Catra. I understand you have attempted to lie to me.'

Her heart drops.

'Come closer, you still have other uses after such a betrayal.'

She obeys out of complete and utter fear.

'Disrobe.'

For a split second, she is frozen in shock.

But then she slowly begins to obey.

She peels off the clothing off her top half at the slowest pace she dared, but made quick work of her bottoms.

Now here she was, standing nakedly before the feared warlord leader of the Horde.

Every part of her screamed to run. She didn't want this.

But she did wanted his approval so desperately. Meeting his requests would earn her that. Those words were the mantra repeating inside of her numbing head, guiding her through her shame as Hordak forced her onto his lap, groping whatever part of her seemed pretty to him.

He seemed to find a whole lot of her body pretty if that was truly the case.

She blinked tears away as his talons tore through her back.

Oh god she had never thought of how badly that hurts, she really needed to apologise to Adora after this.

She felt the familiar warmth of blood trickling down her back, and when Hordak threw her on to a table lying flat on her stomach, her thighs and all between to.

He held her gently, crooning softly into her ears.

Approval. Pride. Approval. Pride. Approval. Pride.

Shame and disgust.

So many awful feelings rushed through her heart.

But one thing was clear in her head. She was just a doll to be used and played with by others. It didn't matter how much she tried, she would always fail in the end.

Metal fingers topped with dagger sharp talons dragged through her hair, down her blood stained back, over her ass.

She felt a stinging pain once more.

He had ripped through her flesh again.

Tender murmurs, harsh pains.

Tears pricked at her eyes, making them glisten and shine like broken glass in the sunlight.

Far too soon, her thighs are pried open, spewing blood everywhere.

She shudders in disgust at Hordaks barely concealed snort of amusement.

But then she really realises the extent in which hes going to, and she, rightfully horrified, begins making fruitless attempts to escape his shape grasp.

~~~~~~

After a harsh beating involving an electric whip, a table leg and a dagger, Catra succumbs to her fate.

~~~~~~

He finally finishes with her way past nightfall, and leaves her shaking, bloodied and bruised on the ground.

Alone.

He had told her to come back tomorrow, but wasn't it already tomorrow it was so late?

She decided to assume he meant in the evening.

Eventually, she had recovered the bare minimum of her strength to pull on just her bodysuit, and head back to her force captain quarters, leaning on every wall for support.

But when she enters her room, shes shocked to find Scorpia and Entrapta sitting with tearful expressions on her bed.

‘Catra!’ Entrapta exclaims upon noticing her.

And for the first time since Catra met her, Entrapta hugged her tightly, gloved hands not hair.

‘I didn't mean for my lab partner to find out! We were discussing security force ideas and then the flying grey baby-'

‘Hey, hey… It's okay….I'm fine…. He’s not sending me away…’ Catra cut her off softly, hesitantly embracing the young woman.

Scorpia let out a dramatic wail and trapped the other two in a tight group hug.

And for the very first time since all three of them met, Catra smiled about it.

It was the familiar comfort, her saving grace, it was unlike the agony she had just gone through.

Bright, warm, welcome.

The three words Catra associated with the super pal trio.

Chapter 2: Searing Throats, Blurring Visions

Summary:

And the journey to one of the tags begins.

 

Oh lord. Save the poor girl.

Catra stared at the ration in front of her.

Which she had been doing for the past ten minutes now, seeing as she was considering the possibilities of what Hordak may do to her this time.

Scorpia was chatting away to Entrapta, who had decided to join them for once after being promised tiny cupcakes.

It was almost wholesome enough to make Catra smile, but it would not happen with the terror and somewhat love plaguing her mind at the moment.

‘Are you okay, Catra? Its a grey ration day, your favourite, and you haven't touched it?’

She looked up blearily to see Kyle frowning at her, Lonnie, Rogelio and Scorpia repeating the action.

‘I'm……fine…..’

And she wasn't. She had been beaten till she couldn't stand. Kissed and torn apart. Loved and hated. Pampered and abused.

She was fine but she wasn't.

‘Work stress. That’s it….’

They take those words with an air of suspicion, and are slow to continue their meal.

Though all Catra can think about is Hordaks sanctum and what awaited her inside.

She stares at the ration bar for a moment longer, then looks around at her friends.

She slowly took a bite, expecting to be soothed by something she loved, but instead was consumed by nausea.

Her eyes flicked across the table.

She took another sickening bite, despite the worsening urge to vomit.

She decides that shoving the rest down her throat in one go would be better.

She was proven wrong when a revolting taste exploded down her mouth and throat.

She doubled over, catching the attention of her friends.

‘Catra! Are you okay?!’ Scorpia exclaims.

‘Fine…Just a bit dizzy… I have to go.’

And before they could protest, she was gone.

~~~~~~~

She stumbled to the bathroom the moment she got out of the mess hall.

Her throat stung as stood in a stall, preparing herself in case she threw up.

Luckily, she didn't.

But her mind still raced with countless scares.

Suddenly, she heard someone drop down behind her.

She spun around to see Entrapta and a concerned looking Lonnie staring back at her.

Her brain shuffled through what she could say, she had no choice but to lie.

‘Guys? I already said I'm fine.’ Catra rolled her eyes.

‘Catra, We barely get along, but if you need to talk to anyone about something “squeamish” you can come to me at any time.’ Lonnie put a hesitant hand on her shoulder.

Catra smirked and rolled her eyes.

‘Ahh fuck, I need to get to Hordaks sanctum again. Bye!’ She ran out as quickly as possible.

God, she really was going to gain even more suspicion if she continued like this.

She skidded to a halt outside the big metal doors of the sanctum.

when she stepped inside, she found that Hordak was already waiting for her, leaning back against a big tube.

‘Lord Hordak?’ Her voice is shaky.

He looks up the moment he hears her.

A creepy smile crosses his face upon sight of her, but she doesn't notice with her head down.

He approaches her, and wraps an arm around her waist.

‘follow me, force captain, I have plans for us.’

Catra wants to run away to the shadows the moment his hand rubs against her hips.

Instead, she nods and follows him out of sight of the door.

They arrive in a small secluded corner, with a cushioned bench, and an old fashioned TV.

She had never actually seen one before, only heard of them in her books.

‘Sit, I will be back in a moment.’

He vanishes a second later.

Catra shakily perches on the very edge of the bench. Expecting punishment at any second.

He returns quickly as promised, and takes a seat next to her.

He clicks a button on the remote, and the old TV flicks on.

Catra watches in fascination as the actors enact some kind of horror script, her pupils dilating in her odd sense of excitement.

Hordak hands her something to eat, and she mutters out her thanks and nibbles away at the delicacy.

She still felt unexplainably nauseous, but she can't run. So she forces it down and pretends shes perfectly fine, shes done it a million times before.

But why is it so hard this time?

She focuses hard on the woman being stabbed on the TV, and attempts to ignore the sickness flowing in her gut.

Hordak thrusts a glass of something yellow in front of her. Reluctantly, she takes a large sip.

Only to spit it out immediately with a sour expression.

Hordak practically cackled.

‘That will truly never age!’

She stuck her tongue at him, much to his amusement.

They both jumped when a loud scream emitted from the movie, causing bouts of laughter to escape them both.

‘You-Your face!’ Tears of laughter streamed down Catra’s cheeks as she rolled back and forward on her knees.

hordak rolled his eyes, but he was grinning nontheless.

Once the brunt of the moment had passed, he took a large gulp from the alcohol and swallowed quickly.

Catra watched him with interest, then attempted to copy him.

The liquid burned down her throat, letting her make no other sound then a high pitched shriek that made Hordak cackle once more.

She rolled her eyes, and grabbed the almost full bottle of alcohol and began taking large swallows of the fiery liquor.

After a few moments of Hordak watching her with a raised brow and the searing sensation in her mouth, her mind began to fog over.

‘Bleh…’ She wrinkled her nose as the last of the alcohol trickled down her throat.

‘I did not believe it possible for someone who has never drank before in their lives to do something like that.’ Hordak admitted with a snort.

'Yeah, but I'm far cooler then most people.’ Catra blabbed out.

The world felt like it was spinning in her eyes.

She didn't hear Hordak reply over the ringing in her eyes, but the next thing she knew he was lowering her onto his bed.

He pulled a blanket over her, and she felt his weight land on the other side as Imp fluttered past her vision.

Every bone in her body felt hollow. Her muscles aching.

~~~~~~~

When she awoke, she was alone.

Except for the note telling her to return the same time today.

Chapter 3: Flicker

Summary:

Catra is lost in her thoughts.

 

short and late.

Fear was not something often associated with Catra.

But it was all she had been reduced to after every meeting with Hordak.

Anyone in her position would understand.

She no longer knew what to expect from Hordak, as he had become more and more unpredictable as time drew on.

She was unsure of her feelings towards him. Towards herself.

It was seen in the way she needed to take a break after every meal, in the way her ribs protruded against thin, furred skin. In the way she couldn't stand to be touchherselfed even in the slightest.

In the way she closed in on herself, locking away for hours at a time.

There were times when Hordak was merciful.

And times he was not.

Everyone could tell that Catra was changed, changing, on the path towards another, shadowed side.

No one, not even her beloved Scorpia and Entrapta, would ever know the rawest point of her thoughts in these months.

Terror plagued her sleep, trapping her in an eternal labyrinth of nightmares.

Nausea plagued her meals, turning her away from eating altogether.

And an illusion of love played with her mind, coaxing her back into Hordaks ice-cold embrace after each time she decided enough was enough.

Catra was nothing more then a shell of who she used to be.

She didn't even think of Adora anymore, of the rebellion, of a life beyond her minds fortress. The gilded cage of her place within the Horde.

Terror.

Nausea.

Love.

Terror.

Nausea.

Pain.

The pain was so sweet.

So relieving.

So distracting.

Catra was fine.

Atleast thats what her vocal response was.

But everyone knew otherwise.

And fear was now all Catra was known as.

Notes:

Hordak is a naughty baby girl.

 

But this is meant to be a fic full to the brim of heavy, heavy angst with little inklings of joy.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 1 of Beware the flaming ember.