Chapter 1: A Fever You Can't Sweat Out
Chapter Text
Jacob
He’d never wished his sisters were here more than this past year. His dad had never been the best at taking care of himself; after Mom… it just kind of took a back seat to being a single dad of three. So, then it became Rachel and Rebecca’s job to remind him about his diet, and his health, and his checkups, but they were gone now, so it became his job to do those things. Especially now that his dad was in a wheelchair. At first, Jacob didn’t mind it.
After all, it gave him an opportunity to bond with his old man about something other than the legends of the tribe and all of the nonsense his dad whole heartedly believed in. If he hadn’t grown up with the stories and his dad’s insistence that he learn them, he’d say that his staunch belief in the stories of their people were a symptom, a delusion, to be blamed on his diabetes too. But no, he knew better, and he knew that his dad had always believed them, though maybe it was a generational thing, because Harry and Clearwater and Quil’s dad were like that too.
Jacob didn’t know if his dad’s disregard for his health had to do with his sisters getting as far from the reservation as they could manage. Maybe it was some guilt or something, but ever since they’d left things had gotten increasingly more difficult.
First it was the news of the nerve damage, which eventually landed him in the wheelchair. That was a wakeup call that he needed to keep a closer eye on his dad than he’d thought. But then when Charlie Swan had recommended a new doctor in town, some talented guy or whatever, his father had stubbornly refused to go, not that Jacob was privy to the reason, but he refused to go when Charlie recommended him and continued to refuse when Jacob brought it up, so eventually he stopped bringing it up too. As long as Billy kept his appointments with his doctor on the res, and took better care of himself, Jacob would stop bothering him about it.
Things were fine for a while; in fact, they were well enough that Jacob had started to get better grades and taking interest in things outside of home, even tinkering with his dad’s old, beat-up Chevy. But then he and Charlie had some kind of falling out, something about the Forks hospital being boycotted, or something like that. He unfortunately hadn’t mastered the act of eavesdropping, and when he prodded his dad for answers, he was met with his dad’s steely, cool gaze that told him that it was none of his business. Jacob was ready to drop it but was surprised, and equally confused, by his father’s answer.
“Charlie doesn’t know how to heed advice when it’s given. I suggest you don’t make the same mistake, Jacob. Stay out of town and stay out of the forest.”
It was ominous and secretive in a way that made him want to roll his eyes.
After that falling out, he started noticing that his health started to decline again. He was lethargic, or sometimes would notice that he hadn’t been constant with taking his insulin. The little glass bottle would remain at the same level for days at a time. And truth be told, it was starting to piss him off.
He couldn’t understand the anger. It was sudden and brought a roiling wave of heat with it. In the past, he could say that it was simply frustration or puberty even, but this was on another level. Jacob had been raised to be a respectful son, and a respectful student, just a respectful person overall, but recently everything was grating his nerves. Even Quil’s calming nature made him grind his teeth at times. Maybe this was hormones and pent-up frustration, but whatever it was just kept building in the back of his mind, and in his chest. And quite frankly, he was getting fucking sick of it.
It didn’t help that he could feel eyes on him when he was out. This sensation that he was being watched, and monitored was something he couldn’t shake, even if every time he turned to look there was no one there.
If his dad had been taking better care of himself, maybe it would be easier to bring this up, but the way things had been recently, Jacob wanted nothing more than to avoid any conversation about himself. The last time he’d tried his dad had tried having the Talk with him, but in such a stilted and awkward manner that it had taken every ounce of his manners not to bolt from the room.
Today had been no better than previous days—weeks if he was being honest— and he came home with his shoulders tense, and his face in a set scowl. Embry had made some stupid joke about his attitude lately and Jacob shut him up with a shove. Quil called him out on it and started chiding him too, so he tried to walk away before he lost his temper again.
His friend grabbed his arm to stop him but just as quickly exclaimed, “Holy shit dude, you’re burning up!” Quil’s tone very quickly became concerned, and he started to mother him in a way that was so like him to do, “Do you feel sick? There’s been a bug going around. Maybe you should go see a doctor, Jake… that doesn’t seem normal. Do you have any other symptoms?”
“Yeah; and ask them if being an absolute dick to your friends is a symptom of that bug, while you’re at it,” muttered Embry, still rubbing his arm from where Jacob had shoved him.
That feeling was back in the pit of his stomach, this time with full force. It buzzed in his ears, and made his limbs feel like the static on TV, not quite numb, but like… anticipation was building in his bones. The only other way he could think of explaining the feeling was like inertia, as if something was waiting to strike between the layers of muscle and bone. It was uncomfortable and made the rage that had been ever-present lately flare. He rolled his shoulders back, and he ripped his arm out of Quil’s grip.
“I’m fine,” he said tersely through his teeth. This was obviously a lie, one that his two best friends would have called him out on of he didn’t quickly spit out, “I gotta go. Just… I’m fine, so just leave me alone about it.”
He marched away without giving them a chance to respond.
They seemed to understand that following him was not the best idea and let him go. The whole walk home, Jacob tried and tried to get emotions under control, but it was something that he couldn’t shake free of. Where before a calming walk home would have been sufficient to let him breathe and reset his feelings, now it was only served to increase that thing that kept building under his skin. He dreaded going home like this, because his dad would ask him what was wrong, and he didn’t know.
He was tired of being asked what was wrong when he had no answers to give.
The front door slammed behind him, and he grimaced at the sound. Well, so much for being inconspicuous. He awaited the sound of his dad’s reprimand, the reminder that he needed to be more careful, and considerate about his surroundings or whatever tripe he was going to be met with today.
But it never came. He frowned, tossed his backpack down and called out, “Dad?”
There was no answer. If it wasn’t for the fact that he knew that he and Charlie were still on the outs, he might have assumed that he was with the police chief. But even then, his dad always let him know when he was going to be out, especially if he needed to leave the rest, since Jacob would have to pick him up. He took a deep breath and tried to calm his rising frustration and instead walked towards the sitting room to call Harry’s and see if he was with him.
Instead, he was faced with his dad unconscious in his wheelchair. Immediately, he thought the worst and rushed to his side. He grasped his dad’s shoulder to shake him, to get some reaction and half fearing he wouldn’t.
His dad’s brows furrowed as he groused from sleep, and weakly called out, “Jacob? Is that you?”
“Damn it, you scared the shit out of me!” he exhaled, and it was as equal parts relief and frustration. “You know you’re not supposed to fall asleep in your chair like that, you’re going to hurt your neck like that.”
“I know, I know. I was too tired to make it to the bed, can you blame an old man?” he replied, still half asleep. He stretched around and Jacob could hear the cracking of his joints as he did so.
“You’re not that old, dad.” He rolled his eyes, “Did you at least remember to take your insulin before your nap?”
“Just because I’m in a wheelchair, doesn’t make me an invalid, Jacob. You are still my son, not some nursemaid. I don’t need you to chase me around asking if I’m taking my medications,” he started.
The irritation that had momentarily left with the relief that his dad was fine came back in a swooping motion. This was the same damn conversation that they kept having. Recently, it seemed like the only conversation they were capable of having. Though really it was less a discussion and more of an argument, one that ended in slammed doors and shouting matches between a stubborn old man and an equally stubborn son. At this point it was like reading off a fucking script.
“Dad, if you want me to stop bothering you about the damn insulin, then take it and stop making me have to chase you around. Did you or didn’t you take it?” he asked with a biting tone.
The only response he received was a stony silence and hard look that said he was done talking about this.
“Goddammit,” Jacob uttered under his breath, turning towards the kitchen to check for himself, though he knew the answer, of course. Because why else would he refuse to answer? But he needed to move. His limbs were full of static again, with unspent energy and his skin felt tight and not right. There were no other words to describe it, at least none that he could think of now. The static had migrated to his head too and his thoughts were fuzzy and less clear. It was like someone had switched on autopilot and his body was moving without his permission.
“Jaco¬—”
“I’ll take that as a no then,” he called back behind his shoulder with an increased incensed tone.
His body felt too hot, and he craned his neck to attempt to release some of the tension that had overtaken him to no avail.
“I am still your father, and I won’t tolerate that tone or disrespect.” Billy said with a steely voice, one he recognized to be his tribal elder tone, the one that left no room for arguments.
Jacob knew better, and if his body didn’t feel so alien at the moment, he might apologize. Hell, he might not have said something to begin with, but the more rage, the more heat, the more tautness built in every muscle and tendon in his body, the less he really cared. He ignored Billy—when did he start calling him that? —and marched towards the door.
He needed fresh air, and to get out of the house before he said or did something that he’d really regret.
“Don’t walk away from me!”
This was a command, and it was the final straw.
As he crossed the doorway he spun around, with every intention of yelling out every pent-up frustration, and annoyance, and just everything that had been building for the last couple of weeks.
But instead, he felt his bones shift and stretch, and his muscles quake as they contracted and expanded. It was disconcerting and his insides felt like molten lead, as if his matter was no longer solid and he was being rearranged.
He felt the way his body doubled on itself and grew in size; his anatomy shifted in a way that was terrifying but felt so right at the same time; the ground was further away than it had been, and he could feel the cool, damp ground beneath his hands, beneath his feet. Only they weren’t that anymore. He wasn’t just Jacob anymore; he was more than that, but his mind was spinning and too feverish to understand what he was instead.
In that same instant, because all of this happened in the span of a heartbeat— or was it over the span of a lifetime? —he heard his clothes tear and snap away from him.
He felt the cool Fall breeze against his skin—was it still skin? —and shook his head to try to clear it, to try to make sense of this strange shape his body was now in that felt more like home than he’d felt in a lifetime.
He heard a gasp ahead of him and he was quick to snap his head in the direction of the sound. He could hear a thundering heartbeat and smell a sour smell that he instinctively knew was fear in the air.
That’s how he found himself growling, snarling, and baring his newfound razor-sharp teeth directed at the terrified man in front of him.
Chapter Text
Jacob
The man in front of him had his palms out in front of him, and despite the fear the Jacob could clearly smell emanating from him, something told him that this person wasn’t a danger to him, that he wasn’t an enemy.
“Jacob,” he called out to him, “Relax, just relax. It’s going to be okay. Just breathe.”
Recognition finally came back to him, and he stared horrified at his father. Unsure of what was happening, or why it was happening, he tried to backpedal, but tripped over his own legs. He looked down at himself and saw two russet paws under him. He heard whining and felt a rumble in his chest and understood that it was coming from him. The anger was temporarily pushed down by the confusion and fear that was coursing through him.
Despite the fact that he could hear his dad with crystal clarity, he couldn’t focus on what he was saying, his own thoughts were drowning it down. He caught sight of his reflection in a window, and despite knowing on some level that he was now a massive wolf, it didn’t prepare him for actually staring at himself.
The reflection staring back at him is that of a wolf, but it is unlike any wolf he’s ever seen or heard of. Easily, he measured over six feet tall like this. His fur—God, this was weird to even think about— was a deep russet brown and shaggier than he thought wolves were, and his ears were partially flattened against his head.
Before he could really examine himself in detail, movement caught his attention and on instinct he growled and held his ground, letting his head drop between his shoulders, and exposed his teeth again.
His dad had attempted to roll closer but flinched back at his reaction. The sour smell of fear filled his nose again, and he caught a glimpse of himself again in the window. He looked terrifying.
After a quick calculation, he shook his head clear and turned around, letting instinct guide him in this new use of his limbs, and he ran.
He stumbled and crashed a couple of times before he shook himself and tried again.
Behind him, he could hear his dad calling out loudly to him, “Jacob! Come back! Jacob!”
Within a couple of strides, he was at the edge of the clearing and the tree line, and he did everything in his power to not stop, to not turn around, and to ignore the man calling out to him so fervently. He wanted nothing more than to crawl into his dad’s arms now, to feel like he did when he was a little kid and his dad’s arms around him had the power to chase away nightmares. But he couldn’t trust the shape that his body had taken. His earlier reaction to his father had been proof enough.
What if he hadn’t forced himself away from the situation? Could he have been capable of hurting his dad? Was he a mindless beast now? Surely not. He could reason and he had some control over himself, tenuous though it may be. Then what was he?
His mind continued to race and spin as he gave no thought to his destination; he just wanted to get away from his dad and anyone else he could possibly hurt like this. Until he could figure out more about… this, whatever this was, he needed to put as much distance between himself and the rest of the world. There were too many questions, and until he could think without the adrenaline clouding his mind, he was a danger. Of that, he had no doubts.
The massive muscles, sharp claws, and even sharper teeth, which may or may not be under his full command, were a testament to this. Without much effort at all, he was snapping through thick branches and crushing the snow-covered underbrush underneath him. He didn’t want to know what type of damage an intentional swipe of his enormous paws could do.
Despite not feeling tired, or out of breath, he stopped in a relatively clear field.
It was time to face the music. Or the wolf, in his case.
He needed to organize his thoughts and find a way to clear his mind, or something like that. Maybe he should have paid attention when Rachel was meditating instead of poking fun at her, it certainly would have come in handy now. The problem was that he had so many questions and too much energy to even begin to calm down. Even though he’d run quite a ways from home, he still had so much energy flowing in him, so much so that now that he’d stopped, his body begged for more movement.
Without much thought, he began pacing around the clearing, hoping that doing so would at least help him expel the energy.
‘What now genius?’ he asked himself. He tried to recall anything from Rachel’s meditation tapes but all that did was remind him of his sister and how much he missed her, how much he missed both of them. Despite being twins, there was little that they shared besides their looks; Rachel had always been the more logical and serious of the two, while Rebecca had been more nurturing and sillier. They were the best sisters that anyone could have asked for, and though he missed his mom terribly… he missed his sisters more.
He felt his ears flatten against his skull again, and hated how the whine that escaped him was full of so much hurt.
‘Damnit. Focus!’ he admonished himself as he shook his head free of that line of thinking and tried once again to focus his mind.
But just when things couldn’t have possibly gotten stranger, they did.
‘Jacob where are you?’ a somewhat familiar voice called out. But as he whipped around, teeth bared, he realized he was alone. And what’s worse he could have sworn the voice he heard had been in his own head.
‘Maybe I am just losing it,’ he thought bitterly as he continued to eye his surroundings distrustfully.
The voice echoed through his mind again, ‘You’re not losing it, but you need to tell me where you are right now. If we don’t get you under control soon, you’re a liability to anyone around you.’
‘What is this? Who are you?’ Jacob asked and continued to search for this unknown person, growling as he did.
‘I’ll explain more later. All you need to do for now is tell me where you are and try to stay as calm as possible,’ the voice was commanding, and left no room for argument. Despite his reservations, he found himself wanting to follow the command.
‘Oh gee, I don’t know, I didn’t really think to bring a map with me. It wasn’t my biggest priority at the time, seeing as I’d just transformed into a freaking giant wolf, ya know?’ he thought back with biting sarcasm. Was this guy serious? What about this situation made him think that he’d taken the time to figure out where he was going, other than as far as away from people as he could manage. ‘Here’s a hint, there’s lots of trees and snow, and let’s see, if I turn over in this direction… oh look! More trees and snow!’
‘Your attitude isn’t helpful or appreciated. Think about how you got to where you are now, picture it in your mind’s eye.’
‘And, what you’re going to have me retrace my steps or some tripe like tha–‘
The disembodied voice— and why did it sound so damn familiar? —interrupted, ‘Will you just do as you’re told?
He growled and snapped his teeth at nothing in particular, as he attempted ato do as he was told. As annoyingly bossy as this… person? Wolf? Voice? was being, there was something instinctual that told Jacob that he could be trusted. At the very least, he seemed to have answers to the questions that had been filling his mind since he found himself in this form. He concentrated to the best of his ability on what he saw as he ran past trees, and rocks, and it all seemed like a blur of white, brown, and green, up until he stopped here. While it was still the stark white that covered the rest of the forest, he tried to look for any discerning detail that might tell him or the mysterious person in his head where he was.
Clearly his senses were much improved in this new form, as he could hear and smell the approaching figure before ever setting eyes on them. The sound of someone speeding towards him, the telltale sounds of crunching snow and snapping branches, made him turn towards the sound. On instinct, he lowered his head and tensed his muscles, ready to pounce. Though no growl left him, his lips were curled over sharp incisors, daring the approaching intruder to try something. The smell was new and he didn’t quite know what to make of it; there was something familiar about it too, much like the voice from earlier, but he still couldn’t place either.
The steps slowed and the voice returned, ‘Jacob, I’m at your location. Stay calm, and don’t fight. Do you understand?’
‘Then don’t give me a reason to,’ he bit back, shoulders tensing more.
A shadow broke through the tree line. Only… it wasn’t a shadow; a wolf, black as night, sauntered towards him.
Instantly, two very different feelings began to battle inside him.
One told him that he could trust the animal in front of him, that he was an ally and to listen to what he had to say, but another baser instinct bristled at the thought of following anything he had to say. The animal instinct to dominate the being in front of him was hard to fight and led him to start unconsciously growl at him and take a step forward.
Unimpressed, the other stood his ground and stood taller, saying nothing.
‘Now, who are you? And why the hell should I listen to anything you have to say?’ Jacob asked choosing to listen to the latter gut instinct.
‘Because I’ve gone through what you’re going through now. I have answers to the questions you must be asking yourself; you have them too. But that’s not important. We have to make sure you can unphase safely and then we can talk more about this.’
Jacob growled and snapped his teeth at the other wolf in front of him, ‘Who are you then? And how do you know me?’
This seemed to cross some line, and the other wolf growled and took a single step forward, making Jacob take an unconscious step back, ‘Get yourself under control Jacob. Relax. As for who I am…’ Flashes of images filled Jacob’s foremind, memories that weren’t his own.
He saw his school through different eyes and looking at Leah Clearwater, her looking back with a loving gaze, laughing, and playing with upperclassmen on the beach, and flashes of Allison Uley hugging him. He saw a transformation much like his own, and saw through these memories, saw the black wolf staring at his reflection in a shallow pool of water with disgust, fear, and anger in those dark eyes.
‘Sam?!’ The other boy had disappeared from school suddenly earlier this year. He recalled his mom and Leah worryingly asking everyone if they knew what had happened to him. And when he finally turned up after a couple of weeks… he’d changed. He didn’t ever officially return to school, but Jacob had seen him around town. Sam had a permanent stern look on his face and kept away from pretty much everyone, even Leah hardly saw him anymore. No one really knew what to think or knew what happened in those weeks he’d gone missing, and he wasn’t volunteering any information either.
Knowing who the other wolf was in front of him lowered his guard, so he raised his head and shook it clear trying to show him that he wasn’t a threat anymore. Until he was given a reason to, there was no reason to growl and threaten someone who was trying to help him.
‘Yeah, it’s me.’ There was some bitterness in his tone, ‘Now, let’s help you relax and more under control. The faster you can unphase, the faster I can answer your questions.’ He relaxed his body language too and sat down, still keeping some distance between himself and Jacob.
‘Right. So, how do I go about going back to normal then? Think of happy thoughts?’ he replied with sarcasm. As if he hadn’t been trying to relax before he started talking to him… that was what they were doing, wasn’t it? ‘Hey, are we reading each others—’
‘Focus, Jacob. Answers later. The most important thing is making sure that you have some control over this first.’ Sam rebuked him with that same tone from earlier, the one that compelled him to listen. Hm, another question for later, he supposed. ‘Relax, this won’t work if you’re not calm. Once you calm down, you have to concentrate and think about being human again. It won’t be instantaneous, and it might not happen the first couple of times that you try to do it but keep trying.’
Think about being human? Considering that he’d just been human up until today, it wasn’t something that he ever had a reason to think about in detail if at all. What did thinking about being human even entail? Did it mean thinking about his human form? Or what it meant to be human? Was he overthinking what Sam meant?
‘Yes, you’re overthinking it. Like I said, try to relax first. It makes it easier if you’re relaxed. The more scattered your brain and your emotions are, the less control you’ll have,’ Sam replied to his mental rabbit hole.
‘Relax, right. I can do that…’ he thought back, trying to ease his body as he did so. He sat back, and then laid on the ground, resting his head on his front paws, and even though some primal instinct told him not to fully lower his guard, he closed his eyes and took deep breaths, willing himself to go as slack as his body would let him.
It was unclear to him how long he was in that position before he could truly say that he was relaxed. At some point his concentration had been broken by the feeling of cool snowflakes landing on his fur. It tickled as it touched down on his fur, and though he knew that he should be cold, it didn’t register that way when it would settle beyond the fur and into his skin. It was cool, but in a soothing way. This seemed to help him settle into a more meditative state and he felt the way his muscles, one by one, began to unclench, and truly relax.
Any time an errant thought would try to worm into his foremind, he exhaled, picturing the thought being released simultaneously into a warm puff against the icy weather. He continued to do this until he wasn’t focused on anything but his breathing. It was eerie, because though he was aware on some level that he was still in his wolf form, he was able to ignore the feeling of being in his wolf form.
Instead, he focused on the way his human form looked, the way it felt to be in that form. It was more difficult than it sounded.
First, he tried to remember what he looked like, tried to recall the way his figure looked in the bathroom mirror in the mornings after getting out of the shower, but that didn’t seem to help. He knew what he looked like, but visualizing his reflection did nothing. Then again, imagining himself outside of himself, as if he were looking at someone else… it made him feel as if he were trying to picture a stranger. So it made sense that it wasn’t working.
He switched his train of thoughts to what it felt like to be himself; what it felt like to have hands, walk on two legs, and have to tie his hair back when he was working on his dad’s truck. Jacob recalled the feeling of grasping a wrench in his palm, feeling the cool steel around his skin, and the strain of his bicep and forearm as he twisted it against a part. It was as if the pieces of himself were in the air, in limbo, and he had to recall them individually to bring himself into his desired form. Jacob never felt more relaxed that when he was working on mechanics, so he continued to picture himself working on that beat up red Chevy. He focused on the feeling of wiping excess grease against his jeans and wiping sweat off his forehead with his forearm in the summer months. As he pictured himself getting up from working under the truck. He let his body mirror the movements outside of his mind; he pictured the way he would roll from under the metal frame, rising to sitting position before bracing weight on one arm as he rose to his feet, and the way he would stretch his arms above his head before rolling his shoulders to release the tension.
A breeze fluttered the nearby branches, and he felt it brush his naked form, the way it nipped at his skin—
His eyes burst open as he looked down at his human form. His very naked human form. It was dark now, and the moon’s position in the sky told him that they’d been out here for hours.
He glanced around at the space his body had just been occupying and was met with a wolf-shaped hole in the snow. Speaking of the snow, as it met his skin, it half-sizzled and melted away into water droplets, even in his human form he wasn’t bothered by the cold and thought back to what Quil had said about a fever. Was this just part of… all of this?
After no information was volunteered by Sam in his mind, he whipped around to where he’d last seen Sam, but found the space empty. The tracks in the snow showed him that the other wolf had been there but had left at some point recently. Despite the darkness, he didn’t find that he needed to strain his eyes to see well in the dark.
‘Sam?’ He tried reaching him in his mind as they’d been communicating but was met with silence again. He called out to him out loud, “Sam?”
“Here, catch,” Sam’s voice called out from the tree line where the pawprints disappeared. From the same shadows, a bundle of clothes was thrown his way. He caught them easily, it was a simple pair of underwear and shorts, but it made all the difference in terms of comfort. Jacob made quick work of getting dressed, having no desire of being seen naked by the other man and turned to face Sam once he was clothed.
“Thanks,” he said, eyeing the other, trying to find something, anything to tell him that this was all a bizarre, fever induced dream, and that any moment, he would wake up covered in sweat and relief.
But of course, that would be too much mercy, so instead, Sam’s stern façade regarded him and motioned with his head to follow him. He was a little uncomfortable walking barefoot in the woods, but he wasn’t really in a position to argue so he followed him without a word.
“You did well. I didn’t really expect you to phase back in just a couple of hours, but just in case, we’re going to stay in a cabin that’s out of the way until you have a little more control and can phase back at will, we’ll talk more there.” Sam turned back to observe his reaction.
“Why would I want to phase back into that?” Jacob replied with mild revulsion.
“Like I said, we’ll talk more about everything at the cabin, but wouldn’t you rather have some control over this situation?” Without waiting for an answer, he marched on ahead. “Besides, there’s food at the cabin; you must be starving.”
He thought about what Sam said about wanting some amount of control over this, but before he could put too much effort into the thought, his stomach grumbled in protest. Well, so far Sam seemed to be right about everything, so he matched his pace to Sam’s and waited for the answers. Those could wait, but if he didn’t eat soon, his stomach might actually cause a revolt.
Notes:
I am really, really, REALLY trying not to make this into a 100k+ fic.
I promise.
Unless...?
I DON'T KNOW OK? MAYBE.
we'll see where the muses take me.
Chapter 3: Hungry Like the Wolf
Notes:
This chapter *might* be a little boring, but it sets up Jacob taking the legends of their tribe seriously, so it's needed! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Is that a spoiler?
...
Nahhhhh I don't think so. Enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jacob
The food at the cabin turned out to be a random assortment of shelf stable foods, including some tuna pouches, jerky, and canned soups. If his stomach wasn’t about ready to cave in on itself, he might have complained about the options given that there was no microwave, and they weren’t particularly appetizing; but considering his current state of hunger he gave no complaint and scarfed down the food as if it were a gourmet meal.
“Sorry about the limited options. I haven’t visited the cabin recently and this is all I’d really stocked,” Sam apologized, seemingly reading his mind again.
Mouth half-full, Jacob voiced one of the questions that had been floating in his mind, “Nah, it’s all good. But what’s up with the mind reading? Is that a wolf thing? Can we read each other’s thoughts whenever now?”
Sam took a seat across from him and took some jerky, “No, that’s only when we’re in wolf form. I just know it’s not the most appealing food to eat together. I’ll bring better food tomorrow or whenever I head back into town. Enough to last us a couple of nights anyway.”
“A couple of nights… do you think that’s enough time to have control of the phasing?” he asked, recalling their earlier conversation on their way to the cabin.
“That will be up to you. It took me nearly two weeks to be able to phase back into a human, and much longer to be able to control the phasing. If it wasn’t for Old Quil, it probably would have taken longer—”
“Old Quil? How did he help?” Jacob couldn’t picture the elder council member being much help with anything related to whatever supernatural crap was happening now. He was honestly surprised that the old geezer hadn’t had a heart attack coming face-to-face with a giant wolf.
Sam’s face showed clear annoyance at being interrupted, but also confusion and disbelief, “Jacob, didn’t your dad ever tell you the tribe’s legends?”
He rolled his eyes, “Yeah, they were his favorite bedtime stories to tell, what of it? And what does that have to do with Old Quil?”
“Haven’t you pieced together what’s been happening then? Why we’re phasing?” he asked with a touch of incredulity in his voice.
Jacob didn’t answer immediately as he considered the implications of what Sam had said and tried to piece it together. He thought back to the stories that he’d grown up with, and mentally shuffled through them seeking any clues as to what Sam could possibly mean. The other man in the room let him think about it in silence, clearly confident that he could come to the right conclusion on his own.
All at once, he was a child again and he could hear his dad’s serious but soothing voice telling him the stories of their people, their legends, “We have always been a small tribe, but we have never disappeared because there is magic in our blood.” He would always start the stories the same, emphasizing the magic in their blood. As a small child, it made him feel like he was a part of something magical and important, but as he grew older, he thought the same as the rest of his friends; that the magic was really a metaphor for the pride and strength of their tribe, their closeness as a community.
The legend the first Spirit Chief, Kaheleha, came to mind.
When their tribe had first settled in La Push, they had honed their skills in shipbuilding and as fishermen, but when other tribes, bigger tribes, moved against them and drove them to the sea Kaheleha used the magic in their blood to defend their land. He led the men, their bodies under the careful care of the women, in Spirit form and returned to the beach. They screamed into the wind and caused fierce winds to tear through the enemy’s camp. They manipulated the animal life to do their bidding; nearby bats swarmed from cliff-side caverns, and the invaders’ sled dogs turned on their masters. Thinking that the beach was cursed, the survivors scattered and left the beach resulting in a great victory for the Quileutes. Under the leadership of the Spirit Chief Kaheleha, treaties were signed with the nearby tribes, the Hohs and the Makahs who wanted nothing to do with their magic.
But neither he nor Sam were anything like the Spirit Warriors of Kaheleha’s time, at least nothing like the stories described, so kept rifling through the legends of the Spirit Warriors in his mind, knowing that he was on the right track.
Finally, he recalled the story of the last Spirit Chief and knew he’d found the legend Sam wanted him to remember. Taha Aki’s stories were filled with even more magic and mystical stories, too much to be anything than a bedtime story and fable.
After a long period of peace under the watchful and vigilant care of Taha Aki, the tribe was in danger from one of their own. A man who thirsted for power and control over their neighboring tribes, Utalpa, believed they should use their magic against their allies. As the Spirit Warriors were mentally connected when they left their bodies, Taha Aki knew of Utalpa’s intentions and banished him for the sake of peace. The latter hatched a plan to have his revenge and one day followed Taha Aki to his sacred and secret place in the mountains. Here, Taha Aki would leave his body so he could survey the surrounding woods for trouble and danger.
The banished man had planned to murder the Chief as revenge, but upon seeing him leave his body behind, a new plan was hatched. When Taha Aki was far from his body, Utalpa left his own body and due to the mental connection, Taha Aki knew of his intentions, but was too far and too late to stop him. Utalpa had entered Taha Aki’s body and slain his own, leaving Taha Aki stuck without a body in agony in the Spirit realm. He watched helplessly as Utalpa slowly take over his life. The false Spirit Chief banned anyone from entering the spirit world feigning a vision of danger, ensuring that Taha Aki would be able to communicate with anyone.
Utalpa took a second and third wife, though Taha Aki’s first wife was still living, and in frustration of seeing Utalpa take liberties with the tribe that had never been seen before, he sent a great wolf from the mountains to kill Utalpa, hoping that doing so would free the tribe. But the coward hid behind warriors and a young man was killed in his stead. In his grief, Taha Aki fled back to the mountains, the wolf trailing after him. Wherever he went, the wolf was sure to follow, and the Spirit Chief felt jealous of the great best; after all, at least it had a body, a life, not like him. In this form, he was not living, he would not age and would not die, instead he’d be cursed to wander the land as a ghost.
In his jealousy, he considered something, an idea so wild that it permanently changed the course future of the Spirit Warriors. He asked the wolf if he could share its body with him, and the animal complied. As a single being, the wolf and man returned to the village. At first, people feared the wolf, and the warriors were called for help, but upon their arrival they were stunned at the wolf’s actions. It was yelping and howling the songs of their people and could only think that it was being influenced by a spirit.
At first, no one dared to break the Chief’s orders, but an old warrior, Yut, disobeyed and left his body. In an instant, he knew the truth; but his presence was immediately detected by Utalpa too, and before Yut could warn the other warriors, Utalpa raced down and killed him with a blade. Taha Aki watched on as he saw Yut’s spirit return to the spirit world and then leave the world a final time. In his rage, he returned to the wolf, it gave a great shudder and before the eyes of the warriors, it transformed into a man. His appearance was not that of Taha Aki’s body, but of his spirit self and the rest of the warriors recognized him instantly. Though Utalpa tried to flee, Taha Aki now possessed the strength of the wolf and killed him with ease. After things were cleared up, things returned to normal, or as normal as a tribe like theirs could.
Reflecting on the experience, the only change he kept in place was the forbidding of spirit travel as he’d realized that it posed too many dangers. From then on, he was known as The Great Wolf, or the Spirit Man. He found that he did not age, and he fathered many sons who in time found that they too could turn to wolves upon reaching manhood…
“The stories of the Great Wolf, of the Chief who shared a body with a wolf…” he whispered aloud, disbelief still coating his words. He snuck a glance at Sam, who merely nodded. “But that doesn’t make sense Sam. I think I’d remember if my dad turned into a massive wolf, or anyone else for that matter. Something like this couldn’t have been kept a secret for so long, someone would have said something…”
“Not everyone shifts, the last generation to have tribesmen to shift was that of our great grandfathers. Something triggers that instinct to kick in, that need to protect our people. Do you remember the legends of the Cold Ones? Of the Third Wife?” Sam replied.
“Sure,” he nodded back, “the stories about sacrifice and love being the ultimate weapons, right?”
The sarcasm was not lost on Sam.
He rolled his eyes with mild exasperation, “Jacob, you were just a ten-foot-tall wolf until a little ago, don’t you think we’re past skepticism and doubt? What else do you remember about those stories?”
“Can’t you just tell me? You said you had answers?” Irritation crept into his voice.
“I told you that you already had the answers too, and you do. It’s only a matter of believing them and giving you more context,” he studied Jacob for a second, and seemed to change his mind, “but given how I don’t want you to phase and destroy the cabin… I suppose there’s no harm in giving you the answers instead.
“You already figured out part of it; through our lineage, we’re able to phase into wolves, into protectors, when there’s a need for us to do so. That’s where the Cold One legends factor in. We first encountered them during Taha Aki’s time; the Makah tribe had people go missing, young women, and we were suspected. To avoid a war, Taha Aki sent some of his sons to investigate. Most of the original search party went missing and the two youngest who’d made it back only spoke of a burning sweet smell before their brothers sent them back to the village. A year later, when more girls went missing, more wolves were sent to search. Only the eldest of Taha Aki’s third wife returned, and with him the pieces of our strange new enemy. It was pieces of a cold, stone-like corpse. Yaha Uta, the sole survivor, explained how the creature was incredibly strong and had slain a wolf with little effort. Another brother was taken by surprise by the creature’s speed and found himself caught between the creature’s teeth. It was only because of its focus on the carnage that Yaha Uta was able to tear into the creature’s throat and rip it to pieces. He was too late to save his brother, so he brought the strange being’s torn corpse for the council to examine. The council agreed that more had to be learned of this new threat, to make sense of it, so the pieces were laid on the ground to be examined… but it began to attach itself together again. In a panic, they set fire to it, and it seemed to stop the process. Its ashes were spread far and wide, with the exception of one bag; it would serve as a reminder of this new enemy and warn them if the creature ever tried to come together again.
“The legend of the Third Wife details how this creature’s mate wreaked havoc in the name of revenge. She was beautiful, and unlike anyone they’d ever seen, but someone recognized the burning sweet smell to be the same as that creature they’d disposed of before. Only two wolves remained, Yaha Uta and Taha Aki, but Taha Aki was an old man. Yaha Uta was quickly slain and witnessing this, his father phased, transforming into an old gray wolf. The Third Wife knew that he stood no chance, and could not stand the idea that she’d witness her husband’s death so quickly after her son’s. She’d heard the tales of the creature’s mate from the council meetings and from her son’s own tales and knew that he only survived due to the Cold One’s distraction of his brother’s blood. So, mustering her strength and courage, she took a knife from one of her sons, ran toward the Cold Woman, and stabbed herself through the heart. This distracted the creature long enough for Taha Aki to grab hold of her neck and start tearing her apart. Two of their younger sons transformed too, the rage of seeing their mother dead triggering their phasing.”
Sam paused here and let Jacob digest the information, willing him to put the pieces together.
Jacob’s brow was furrowed as he processed what Sam was saying. It was insanity! Blood drinking creatures who had the strength and speed to match a Quileute wolf? Sam was asking him to believe in the existence of vampires! But, like Sam said, given that he’s turned into a wolf earlier that same day, he didn’t have much ground to be skeptical of the supernatural, at least not when it came to their stories now.
“Okay, so vampires exist.” He tried saying as neutral as possible, willing himself to believe the words he’d just said, “What does that have to do with us?”
Sam breathed out in a long and steady breath, “Don’t you get it Jacob? Our instincts to phase, to transform, aren’t just triggered by age or plain genetics. It’s triggered by their presence. When we detect that Cold Ones are in proximity, even if it’s only our subconscious that detects them, it triggers a change in our physiology. Didn’t you wonder why the last several months you had a heat inside you that you couldn’t quite shake? Or the mood swings? The growth spurt?”
“I just thought it was puberty! I thought it was weird, but I’ve had a lot on my plate since my sisters left, ok? It’s not like I had the luxury of just dropping all of my responsibilities to really analyze all the changes I was going through,” he bit back, feeling an intense need to defend himself. In that moment, he half-feared that he’d phase again, given how hard his heart was pounding and how angry he felt about the quasi-accusations that Sam was throwing his way. But just as quickly, it went away as the older man’s words settled in his brain, “Wait. You’re telling me that the whole reason that we’re going through this is because there’s some bloodsucker around? Here? In La Push?”
He hesitated to answer, “No, not here. Off the reservation, in Forks. I’ll explain more later when we can safely make our way back to town. Your dad will be able to explain better than I.”
“My dad?” Jacob looked bewildered, “He knows that legends are real? About the phasing and everything? About you? About us?”
Sam simply nodded.
He supposed that it shouldn’t have come as a surprise, given how serious his old man was about making sure Jacob knew their tribe’s stories, but he never would have thought that the old man believed all of them. Or believed them to still be true now. But somehow, Jacob felt a sense of betrayal at the thought of his dad knowing that there was a possibility that he’d phase and not warning him or something. Sure, he wouldn’t have believed him at the time, but it would have been… something. He tried to shake his head clear of those feelings.
“So, what now?” he asked, resigned.
“For now, we’ll get some rest. I understand how disorienting this whole experience can be. The next couple of days we’ll try to get you to control your phasing. Once you have control over being able to phase back and forth at will, we’ll head back and have a council meeting. There, they’ll fill you in on the vampire situation,” Sam answered.
They finished eating in relative silence and each took a cot to crash in for the night. After such a crazy day, exhaustion hit him in a sudden wave and sleep claimed him as soon as he settled on the pillow.
He dreamed of wolves and spirits, of bonfires and brotherhood. They were dreams that brought warmth with them. But weaved inside the dreams, there was a feeling in the middle of his chest that he couldn’t quite shake, it wasn’t quite fear, but a distant cousin of the feeling. It made his heart hammer in his chest and his body temperature spike again. All he could remember before suddenly waking up, was a flash of too-white teeth biting into his neck.
Notes:
I have no update schedule I am sooooo sorry.
I am posting each chapter as I finish it and this past week I have had a lot of ~personal feelings~ (read: depression ◞‸◟) going on. But I'll try to post every week and a half. We'll see how it goes.
Anyways! I've decided to go the long(er) story route which means that our favorite Vamps' introductions are quite a bit away. At least a couple more chapters away. Don't throw eggs at me! (งᓀ‸ᓂ)ง
*All kudos/comments/bookmarks are SUPER appreciated and fuel me and the writing demon that lives in my head!*
Chapter 4: Under My Skin
Notes:
Sorry for the delay! Here's a Friday the 13th treat though!
**I want to add that I do not have anyone editing my work, and as such it is bound to have some grammatical errors, misspellings, and such. Please let me know if/where you them and I'll fix them ( ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥) **
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jacob
When he woke up the next day it had been past noon and Sam had just come back to the cabin from town. As he’d promised, he brought more food, but he’d also brought back Jacob’s phone. He ignored the latter and instead scarfed down some of the sandwiches with the ingredients that Sam brought with him. Sam noticed that he’d yet to pick up the phone and commented on it.
“Your dad was worried. I let him know that you were mostly up to speed on everything and that you hadn’t struggled too much with phasing back so far, but I’m sure he’d feel more relieved if he heard it from you.”
He sighed and resisted the urge to roll his eyes, nodding instead. After he finished the sandwich he shot his dad a text, not really wanting to talk to him on the phone. That’s when he noticed that there was no cell service in the cabin. He flipped the screen towards Sam, and shrugged as if to say, ‘oh well, I tried’.
A smirk spread on Sam’s face, “Don’t worry, we’ll send that message yet. C’mon, let’s go.” He stood up, wordlessly asked for the phone and once Jacob had given it back, the older boy place it on the counter, and walked out of the cabin.
Uncertainly, he followed, unsure of what to expect.
Most of the snow from the previous night had melted, leaving the ground dark and soft, and the tops of trees in a scatter of whites, browns, and greens. The cool, fresh air along with the sun felt good against his face. He took a second to raise it to the sky and take in a deep breath. The smell of the woods filled his nose; the slightly woody and citrus-sweet smell of the pines around, the smell of the wet, needle-covered earth beneath him, the damp moss that hugged the scattered boulders, the crisp and clean smell that he associated with snow. These were scents that he was accustomed to, but with more detail and force than he’d ever smelled. It smelled like home.
The thought caught him by surprise and a pang of guilt jabbed his gut.
It’s not that the house didn’t feel like home perse, but there was something about the smell that called to him in a way that the stuffy little house never did. When he was young, he’d never noticed how cramped it could be; the happiness that filled it made it feel like a castle. After his mom died… the house had suddenly shrunk. He began to notice how thin the walls were when he could hear his sisters, or worse, his dad cry at night. He knew they heard him too, Rebecca often went into his room to hug and reassure him when he did. As he grew older, it shrunk even more, when she heard his sisters argue with their dad about taking better care of himself, or when he had to fight his sisters for time in the bathroom.
When they left, the space gradually became too big. At first it had been a relief to not have to wake up earlier to get to the bathroom first, and not have to wrestle over the box of cereal at breakfast, even to have their dad’s attention all to himself… but when his relationship with his dad began to become strained, he couldn’t help but think that despite the house being such a small space, the space that was suddenly missing all the warmth and energy that his sisters brought to the house. It was jarring. Jacob supposed that that some of that emotional distance had been due to his dad’s secret keeping, and perhaps now that they could be on the same page, things could return to normal and there wouldn’t be so much silence, and space in the house.
Even so, he could not deny that there was something about being out here, in the middle of the forest, with the smell and sounds of nature that felt right. Perhaps it was the wolf in him that felt so at home here.
Sam cleared his throat and Jacob opened his eyes and turned to look at him. He had enough sense to look sheepish and mouth an apology; he didn’t know how long he’d been standing, eyes closed, and taking in his surroundings.
“It’s alright, once I was able to come terms with everything that was happening to me, I did the same thing. There’s something captivating about nature with our advanced senses; just wait until you go back into town. It can be a little jarring at first, just be glad we don’t live in Olympia or a larger city,” Sam said with a half-grin before continuing. “Anyways, today’s goal is for you to shift back into wolf form and then back into human form without it being triggered by a negative emotion. Once you can do that a couple of times, you’ll stay in wolf form and take the phone, carefully, to higher ground. There’s a cliff nearby, there’s pretty good reception there. Once the message sends, you can come back, and we’ll eat dinner. Or try to, depending on how long it’ll take you to succeed.”
Jacob groaned internally. He knew that today was likely going to include a lot of phasing, or trying to anyway, but it still felt like such a drag. There was nothing to be done about it, this was important— and he knew just how critical it was for him to have come control over this— but at the same time, all he wanted to do now was return to the cabin, eat another sandwich or two and sleep. He tried to shake off the drowsiness and began stretching his arms above his head.
“You might want to go back inside and shed some layers first,” Sam interrupted his stretching. “If you recall, your clothes don’t phase with you and I only brought you so many spare changes.”
“So, what, you want me to get naked and do this?” Jacob asked, irritation creeping in his voice and in the back of his neck.
“It’ll be easier if you do. Or would you rather rip through all your clothes? Do you have some bottomless clothes fund to keep replenishing your wardrobe?” There was an edge to Sam’s voice, almost teasing, but not quite mocking. He couldn’t quite place it.
“Obviously not,” he bit back, “but that doesn’t mean I want to get naked in front of you either.”
“And here I thought you’d be mature enough to handle this,” he sighed in disappointment.
His blood began to boil. Did Sam really just expect him to drop his shorts and stand around like an idiot until he figured out how to phase back and forth between forms?
“This has nothing to do with maturity and everything to do with the fact that it’s an unreasonable expectation!” Jacob yelled back.
“I did it with no—” the other started before Jacob interrupted.
“So, what you just dropped your pants with Old Quil watching and you were fine with that? First try?” he questioned with fire in his voice. He was breathing hard and felt fire creep up his arms and fill his bones.
“I didn’t have the luxury of having guidance, Jacob, I had to figure this part all on my own. You think you’d be a little grateful,” he scoffed.
Jacob saw red.
The world stopped moving for a second and moved in slow motion.
He felt his bones and flesh stretch and morph, changing his physiology to match the wildness that he felt in his angered and addled mind. He heard his clothes tear dimly, he was more aware of the sound of his muscles and bones creaking and groaning into place. One moment he was standing feet away from Sam, yelling at him, the next he was in wolf form lunging and swiping a furious paw at Sam. His teeth were bared, lips pulled back and an angry snarl filling the space. Before reason could catch up with him, his sharp and deadly claws made contact with Sam’s shoulder and tore through his soft flesh.
In the same second Sam shifted and tore through his own clothes, his massive wolf form taking his place. Angry, red, bleeding marks could be seen from the top of the wolf’s back to where his front leg began.
Sam growled back in answer to Jacob’s snarl and they stood off against each other until Sam’s voice filled his voice in a booming tone, ‘Jacob, stop! Stand down!’
Jacob felt his body obey, his mind taking a second longer to comply. It was then that horror struck him as he realized what he’d done, ‘Sam! I’m sorry I didn’t mean it. I just-I-I…I lost it! You just kept pushing and I couldn’t take it, I was just so—'
But he stopped himself as he saw Sam’s skin knit itself together, first the muscles, then the fascia, then each layer of skin, then the fur grow atop the now healed wound. The only evidence that there had been a laceration was the blood slicking the surrounding fur, the dark rivets hardly noticeable across Sam’s dark fur until they hit the dirt below his paw. The distinct smell of fresh blood was still in the air; it was like hot copper, a sickeningly dry and sweet metallic scent.
‘What the hell?’ his shock was apparent in his voice.
‘We heal at a faster rate than humans. I’m fine. And I’m sorry. I was intentionally pushing you around. It’s the fastest way to get you to understand why it’s so critical to control the phasing, but also give you the opportunity to feel the process of phasing again. Once you’re able to phase back, you can try again and attempt to phase intentionally.’
Jacob wanted to be mad at Sam for pulling such a dick move on him, but he could feel Sam’s distress and guilt as if it were his own and sensing no ill will he tried his best to let it go. He regarded the shredded clothes on the floor with a nod and a huff, ‘What happened to having a limited amount of clothes?’
‘Sorry, it was faster like this. But we do have limited clothes, so this is another reason to be able to control our phasing. When I’ve had to phase, I’ll carry an extra pair of shorts with me and stash them somewhere safe until I unphase, reduces the risk of running around naked in human form,’ he replied.
That would definitely get annoying, but he could understand why it was a necessity, now that there was two of them it would be even more awkward if they didn’t take preventative measures.
‘I’ll wait on the other side of the cabin for now to give you some privacy to phase into human form. I’ll stay in wolf form to verify when you phase back with intent and we’ll go from there, got it?’
He nodded and after Sam trotted away, he closed his eyes and tried to repeat the process that had worked for him the previous night.
With the adrenaline still rushing in his system from the anger he’d felt and the guilt and shock over hurting Sam, it was more difficult to relax. His every muscle felt like a live wire, with an excess of energy to give. After calming down didn’t seem to be working, he tried a different tactic. Seeing as the goal later would be to phase back into this form, he took time to study it, to feel and commit to memory what it felt like to be in it, to be the wolf. He shook his head and felt the way the shake seemed to spread all the way to his tail. It was oddly satisfying to feel the air as it shifted between his fur and the undulating muscles of his back as they shook.
Even stranger was the feeling of his tail as he had no human appendage to equate it. It just… existed. There was no conscious effort on his part to make it move, though he could wag it if he focused on the motion. In many ways it seemed like breathing, like an automatic body function. It was interesting to think about that way.
His ear twitched towards the sound of wind rustling the branches overhead and he wondered curiously at the idea that his ears could swivel and move so much. He recalled the way they flattened back against his skull when he’d been growling at Sam earlier, or the way they were standing straight and at attention when Sam had first approached him yesterday. Just now, they were considerably more relaxed yet still took in all the sounds around him.
His paws were so different from his hands, obviously, but in surprising ways more than the obvious ways. He’d assumed he’d have similar sensitivity in the pads of his paws to his palms and fingers, but he found that it wasn’t the case. He could sense temperature and texture, but without being able to grasp things, there was something missing to compare his paws to hands, even his front paws felt more like legs and feet than anything else.
Maybe it would be easier to stop trying to equate everything to his human form, accepting they were different was what had helped him phase back after all. He began to note all the differences in a mental list and focused on them, repeating them to himself until he found himself kneeling, palms digging into the soft, humid soil.
Naked.
He moved to cover himself as he surveyed his surroundings to verify that Sam or anyone or anything else wasn’t within sight. After verifying this, he let out a soft sigh of relief and relaxed his posture, dropping his arms to his sides and rising to his full height. Without a watch, wall clock or even a phone, he had no idea exactly how long it had taken him to phase back, but the sun was still relatively high in the sky, so it was a safe bet that it took him less than the previous time.
Tamping down on the swell of pride that washed over him, he recalled that now he had to achieve the opposite. He stretched, reaching for the sky above him and feeling each of his muscles strain and then relax as he considered the best position to attempt shifting back would be. Sitting down seemed impractical; cold, wet dirt against his bare ass and balls seemed counterproductive to relaxing and focusing. Plus, he was unsure of how that would look in his wolf form, as wolves didn’t have the correct skeletal structure to sit as a human did, so sitting was definitely scratched out. He groaned in frustration as he realized the only practical way would be to stand.
He rolled his neck and finally closed his eyes. He called to mind the feeling he’d tried to memorize of being the wolf. It started like a tingling sensation in the pit of his stomach, almost like a thread that was being pulled away from him. It was an uncomfortable feeling, but instinct told him that this was the right path, so he followed it. He pictured the thread being pulled until the very essence of his being began to unravel, layer by layer he felt the complexities of humanity peel away from him. With each tug of the thread, he felt the animal inside him grow. Grow impatient. Grow closer to the surface. Until finally…!
The innermost piece came undone, and he felt his body ripple in response.
Though the change was just as rapid and swift as the previous times had been, he was aware of the way each of his bones and muscles and skin grew, extended, contracted, and shifted into place. In a way that he hadn’t noticed before, his body ached as it settled into four legs.
Somewhere in the back of his mind he mused that this was probably due to the adrenaline flooding his system when he shifted in moments of emotion, rather than intent. Hadn’t Sam mentioned that they healed quickly? Perhaps the dull ache was simply left over pain of his wolf-self shedding his human form.
‘That’s what I think too,’ Sam’s agreed, ‘You did pretty well, all things considered. Only took you a couple of hours.’
‘Hours?!’ Jacob glanced to the treetops, and indeed, the sun was no longer shining in the sky but starting its descent towards the horizon. The sky above him was starting to appear mottled with bruised tones. ‘Fuck, man. This shifting business is taxing stuff. Maybe my legs are hurting from standing for hours not just the transformation, sheesh.’
His ears swiveled around as he heard Sam’s wolfish chuckle, a rough expulsion of air mixed with a half-growl. If it wasn’t for the echo of that laugh that filled his mind, he might have confused it for something else.
‘It’ll get easier the more you practice; how’s this? Take the phone up to cliff, make sure the message sends and transform back. I’ll have some dinner ready by the time you get back.’
Jacob snuck a glance to the cabin with dismay, he didn’t really feel like spending however long more to shift back to grab the phone and then repeat the process again. He wondered if Sam would take pity on him and let him just walk the phone up in human form instead. Another gruff laugh filled the trees and his mind.
‘Don’t worry about shifting back, while you were meditating earlier, I shifted back and wrapped this for you,’ he padded back around the cabin and came into view. In his mouth, there was a rolled-up bundle of something. He dropped it and nudged it towards Jacob with his nose. Jacob saw through Sam’s eyes as he carefully entered the cabin through the back door and rolled the shorts around the cell phone before making his way back to his spot behind the cabin.
‘Sounds like a plan, man. What’s for dinner? I’m starving!’ he thought back as he picked up the bundle carefully with his teeth.
‘The faster you come back, the faster you’ll find out. The cliff is over that way’ Sam nodded towards the general direction behind him, but Jacob could see the path clear in his mind.
That was motive enough for him. He turned towards the direction of the path and started his ascent. Soon enough, he felt as Sam left the space in his mind, and assumed he’s transformed back. It was interesting how much more he was observing now that he wasn’t dubious of the supernatural things happening. Without Sam to bear witness to his thoughts, he wondered privately about how this didn’t feel like a curse at all. There was a small pang of guilt as he’d felt the general distaste that Sam had for this change; the contempt he felt for it and the disruption that it brought to his life… but Jacob didn’t. Not in this moment, anyhow.
In this form, it was easy to feel powerful, even as he sprinted, and jumped, he didn’t feel exhausted, instead he felt exhilaration. It had been disconcerting and shocking at first, of that there was no doubt, but it began to fade into wonder and general astonishment at the power and wonder that his body, that their history contained. It was so freeing to be able to move without restrictions or care. And he knew then why his ancestors called this magic.
In the moments when he leapt from one boulder to another, there was nothing else in the world but him, the sweet scent of pines and moss, and the icy-cool breeze against his fur. The troubles that plagued his everyday life seemed to melt away, and even the trepidation of his recent discovery seemed to wane into the background in the face of how right this felt.
The moment was broken when a muffled pinging started from within the bundle in his mouth. He took a look around for a place to set it down so he could shift, even if he did it with a bit of disappointment. Now that he’d come to some kind of peace with the events of the last day, he knew that there was a conversation to be had with his dad, and that a lousy message sent with mild-scorn and teenage angst.
He made quick work of shifting back, (at least he thought he did, he’d have to ask Sam for a better way of tracking how long it was taking him to shift back and forth) and unfurled the bundle of clothes, silently thanking Sam for including a pair of boxer briefs in the bundle. He made quick work of sliding them and the shorts on, and tucked the phone under his chin as he did so.
Now dressed, he had little excuse to continue putting off the call. Perhaps Sam had told him to only send the message and return, but something told him that he’d hoped he would reach out to his dad in a more meaningful way.
He flipped the phone open and noticed multiple messages, some from Quil and Embry— he tried and failed to not feel guilty for not thinking of his friends— and some from his dad. They were all worried for him, in their own ways and for their own reasons. His heart clenched at the thought of keeping this a secret from his two closest friends, but even more so at the anger he felt towards his dad— anger that hadn’t completely dissipated even in his understanding.
With a deep breath, he clicked his dad’s speed dial.
“Jacob?” his dad’s concerned gruff voice answered.
“Hey, dad…”
Notes:
As an additional Friday the 13th treat I would like to add that I have made the decision to make some additional changes to the canon. I can't in good conscience write about vampires without fangs, so for the purposes of this fic, the vampires will have fangs! One of my biggest criticisms of the original novels was the sanitazation of vampires, so I'm here to rectify that in my spooky love story #MakeVampiresSpookyAgain, amiright, or amiright?
Thanks for the kudos, bookmarks, and comments, they continue to feed my writing demon (for those curious, the aforementioned writing demon looks like Calcifer from Howl's Moving Castle and he's fueled by my insecurities and traumas)
Chapter Text
Jacob
three months later
Things had finally reached a point of normalcy, as close as things could with having the ability to shift into a giant wolf and the responsibility to safeguard the humans of the area and maintain a 68-year-old treaty with a bunch of bloodsuckers. His ability to shift back and forth between forms had improved vastly and it took him little time to do so, which helped since they’d had a new addition to their little pack in the form of Quil. Not being able to disclose the truth to his two closest friends had been hell, but even more torturous was having to drop out of school with a weak excuse and no real answers.
They’d both texted and called him incessantly, but he’d either reply with lame excuses or ignore them altogether. It had been just over a month since Jacob had turned and began his mostly silent treatment when angry, loud knocks woke him up. To his surprise, on the other side of the door had been Quil. Of his two friends, while neither of them really had a bad temper, Quil was by far the calmer and reasonable of the bunch. So, when he stood at the door with an angry and hurt expression on his face, Jacob had been wary.
Quil had demanded that Jacob tell him why he had been ignoring his two best friends and had ranted angrily, while Jacob tried to ignore him and relax, hoping to come up with another lame excuse to end the confrontation. But that only seemed to incense the usually calm boy and before he knew it, he’d shifted into a giant, chocolate-brown wolf snarling in his face.
Jacob had gotten over his surprise quickly enough and shifted to help his best friend as Sam had helped him.
It had taken Quil longer to accept everything that was happening to him than it had taken Jacob, and even longer to be able to successfully shift back to his human form. But now, nearly a month later, he’d gotten better at it and was glad to be in on the secret. It weighed heavy on both friends to have to keep this from Embry, but no one outside of the pack and the council could know. Sam had ordered it so. And it made sense, it did, but it still killed them to have to keep it from their best friend, especially since now that they’d both shifted Embry would be alone.
Still, they were reminded of their duty at their first attendance of a council meeting, where Jacob’s dad and Harry Clearwater explained the treaty that their grandfathers had made with the Cullens 68 years prior and how the leader of the coven had called to advise that he and his family of bloodsuckers were returning to Forks. It was now that he understood why his dad had been so insistent that they boycott the Forks Hospital if that leech was a doctor there. Dr. Leech had apparently told his dad that they would uphold the treaty and had not forgotten the terms of it, but none of the wolves nor the council took the words at face value.
Between the three of them, they patrolled the border of the treaty to ensure that none of the leeches crossed into their territory. It was incredibly bonding, and despite having only really known Sam since he’s shifted, the older boy had become a brother to him just as much as Quil had been.
Thankfully, without a secret hanging over them, he and his dad’s relationship improved, and they were getting along better than they had since his sisters left. Maybe even better than they’d ever gotten along. He understood so much of that burden that his dad shouldered and better understood his need to impart the stories to him. They joked and were no longer tip toeing around the other. It was a vast improvement of previous months, and even Rebecca noted it when she called to check on them.
Not only that but his dad’s friendship with Charlie had improved after the latter had reached out about his daughter moving back to Forks permanently. This had served to improve his dad’s mood and health too. Jacob had vague, but fond memories of Bella from her the summers that she’d spent in Forks with her dad, but this summer marked the second year that she hadn’t returned. They weren’t quite friends, but they were friendly enough and used to hang out when their dads did. She was supposed to move out before Christmastime, and Charlie had been scrambling to find a present for her.
There was a contagious brightness that Charlie’s nervous excitement brought on when he talked about Bella moving back, at least it was that contagious cheerfulness in his dad’s old friend that caused him to mention to his dad that his dad’s old Chevy truck he’d been working on was in working order again and that maybe having a truck would be a nice homecoming present.
He recalled that the quiet brunette was fiercely independent, and the truck seemed like something she would appreciate. Charlie thought so too and insisted on buying the old truck from his dad. His dad, the stubborn old man that he was, insisted that he wouldn’t take his best friend’s money; thus, an hour long back and forth argument started that had Jacob wishing he’d never brought it up in the first place. Those two were stubborn as hell. In the end, Charlie was able to convince him by telling him that he wanted his gift to truly be something he was giving Bella, not just a favor. Something passed between the two friends, Jacob sensed that it was some fatherly thing he didn’t understand, and the matter was settled.
They’d dropped off the truck just last week in preparation for her arrival and his dad had— none to subtly— suggested that he find a way to offer his friendship to her, given that she wouldn’t know anyone else her age. He’d mulled over the options and still hadn’t arrived at a conclusion.
On the one hand, he didn’t mind extending a friendly hand towards her, he liked her well enough from the short times that they’d spent together, and if things were different, he might even be excited at the prospect of being friends with a pretty girl his age but given the situation… it almost seemed dangerous to do so.
On the other hand, despite having more control over the phasing than he’d had months ago, high emotions still tended to push the wolf to the surface, and it just seemed like a bad idea to add a pretty girl to the equation, especially when he knew so little about her. Despite not having any reason to believe that she would be any trouble given the meek, quiet girl he remembered from past summers there was also the chance that she could have changed. High school had that effect on people.
But then again… he could only imagine the loneliness of having to move to a new school, as an upperclassmen no less, just as the new semester was about to start, especially not knowing anyone else.
In the end, his sympathy for Bella’s situation won out and he groaned as he called Sam to ask to borrow his truck. It would be faster if he could just shift and run over, but a mild inconvenience was no reason to raise any suspicions, especially with the Chief and his returning daughter. Well, that and Sam had prohibited them from shifting anywhere outside of their land.
It wasn’t until after he’d picked up the keys and truck that it occurred to him to call Charlie to make sure it was okay. With an annoyed huff, he pulled over and called his dad.
“Hello?”
“Dad! Hey, can you send me Charlie’s number? I’m going to ask if it’s ok if I go over and show Bella some of the things with the truck. You know how the clutch sticks,” he added the last bit as a way to explain his presence. He figured it was better to have an excuse to show up rather than just say, ‘hey, do you remember me? We used to hang out when our dads did. I bet it sucks to not know everyone, especially around Christmastime, so how about it, you want to be friends?’ Even he had better tact than that.
“Sure. Glad you decided to try to be friendly, that’s more like the son I raised,” he joked as he fumbled on the other side of the line.
“Ok dad, sure, whatever you say. I’ll see you later.” He rolled his eyes. Once Charlie’s number came through, he called it and hoped the other man answered.
Thankfully, he did on the second ring.
“This is Chief Swan,” his low, gruff voice answered.
“Hey, Charlie, it’s Jacob. Dad gave me your number.”
“Jacob!” his tone became lighter immediately and friendlier, “How can I help you?”
“Well, I was hoping I can stop by when you and Bella get back, so I can show her around the truck and stuff,” he replied and hoped that he didn’t sound as uncomfortable as he felt asking.
“Sure! That’s very nice of you. It’ll give her a chance to see a friendly face too, I’m sure she’ll appreciate that.” There was some relief in his tone and Jacob was glad that it was Charlie and not he that said it. “I’m actually on my way to pick her up just now. We should be home in a couple hours, I’ll let you know when we’re back in town, how’s that?”
“Sure, sure. I’ll see you later Charlie,” he replied and disconnected the call.
It seems he had but the cart before the horse. He drove the truck a couple miles further and parked it away from sight. If he had to wait, he might as well take a nap. All of the nightly patrols had started to take their toll on his sleeping patterns.
⁂
Charlie is true to his word and couple hours later, lets him know that they’ve returned to town and were back at the house. Jacob stretches out in the small cab and cracks his neck as he wakes up and texts back that he’d be on his way soon.
Once he’s in front of the Swan house, he suddenly feels nervous. All the reasons he had for not wanting to forge a friendship with her jump to the forefront of his mind. Or maybe it was just nervousness at seeing her again. He hadn’t really been around many people since he first shifted, most had been those who were in the know about the wolf-shifting thing. Now that he was aware of all of the different changes he’d undergone, he was more self-conscious, perhaps to a higher degree than it merited. But still. Last time he’d seen Charlie, he’d commented on how much he’d grown and muscles he’d put on.
It should have been flattering but if anything, it served to make him uncomfortable, and embarrassed.
Blowing out his insecurities with an exhale, he knocked on the door. Through it he could hear Charlie calling out to Bella to come downstairs as he approached the door. It opened to reveal the quiet Chief of police with a kind smile, “Jacob, come on in. Bella’s just getting settled. She’ll be down in a moment.”
Jacob half thought about declining to enter the house, but not wanting to look rude, he pressed his lips together and nodded, “Thanks, Charlie. How was the drive in?” Inwardly, he flinched at the awkwardness of his question. He never quite knew how to speak to Charlie, he might be his dad’s best friend, but he was also an authority figure, and it was a line he wasn’t always sure how to tread.
“Ah, y’know how it is. A little drizzle and wind, but nothing terrible. Not as much traffic by the airport either, thankfully,” he replied and then looked around uncomfortably, “Do you want some water or…”
“No, thanks Charlie. I’m fine.” He shifted his wait and gave the older man another tight-lipped smile.
They were both saved from any further awkwardness as Belle descended the stairs.
“Bells!” Charlie’s face lit up, “You remember Jacob, right? Billy’s son?”
She gave him a small wave and smile, “Yeah, no, yeah, I remember. Hi.” It didn’t seem like she really remembered him but was too polite to say so. Her fidgeting gave her away. It seemed that she still maintained a lot of Charlie’s gracelessness and tame nature, and all the awkwardness that it came with that he remembered. It made him smile a genuine smile. “Hey! If I remember right, you prefer Bella, right? Not Isabella?”
“That’s right,” she nodded and placed her hands in her back pockets, blushing. She turned to Charlie as if to ask him what was happening.
“Oh, right. Well, Jacob was nice enough to come by to help you know your way with your homecoming/Christmas present,” Charlie motioned toward the door and Bella looked puzzled.
Jacob grinned and opened the door, leading them outside.
Charlie extended his arm toward the red Chevy truck, “Welcome home, Bells.”
Once she realized he meant the truck Bella’s eyes lit up, “Wow, Ch-Dad, I love it! Thanks. You didn’t need to do that though. I was planning on buying a car.” She turned and hugged him.
“I don’t mind it. I want you to be happy here.” Though his expression gave nothing away, Jacob could hear the emotion in his voice and looked away as to not intrude on their moment.
“That’s really nice, Dad. Thank you, really. I appreciate all you’ve done already.”
It seemed that both the Swans weren’t fond of expressing their feelings, he noted.
“I’m glad you like it; it runs great. Jake here worked on the engine. They really don’t make them like that anymore. He volunteered to come show you around the truck. Given that I don’t remember you being into cars and all that stuff, I thought it would be a good idea.”
“Yeah, that’s probably best… I’m not an expert on cars by any means,” she said, glancing at the truck with some reluctance.
“Well, I’ll leave you guys to it then. It was good seeing you Jacob, say hi to Billy for me,” he pulled the keys from his pocket and tossed them in Bella’s direction.
She half-flinched and fumbled to raise her arms in time, and ultimately the keys slipped between her hands. Jacob looked down and to the side to avoid his smile being seen by either of the Swans. Charlie and Bella simultaneously apologized as they both bent down to retrieve them. After an equally awkward exchange, Charlie made his way inside. Bella followed Jacob to the truck and let them in.
She shivered and rubbed her hands together. It wasn’t until then that he noticed that she only had on a light jacket on.
“Not really dressed for the weather, are you?” he half-joked hoping that she wouldn’t take offense.
“Well, Phoenix doesn’t really get cold enough to warrant winter clothes, so I didn’t have many options. I’ll have to supplement my wardrobe now that I’m here, I guess. Gives me something to do before the start of term.” She shuddered, as if the thought of shopping was something to dread, though it could have been the weather. “Doesn’t look like you’re dressed for it either though,” she pointed out attentively.
He didn’t have to look down to remember he was only wearing a Henley top that definitely wouldn’t keep the cold at bay. Her tone had been of disbelief, but it was an observation that made him wary. Maybe he’d have to be extra careful about what he said and did around her. “I run warmer than most; it helps that I grew up here too, I guess. The cold doesn’t bother me too much,” he said in half-truths. Technically, everything he’d said had been the truth, only the why was technically false.
“Yeah, I guess that helps,” she replied, but she didn’t sound convinced. He was going to say something, anything, to be more convincing but she continued, “So, what tricks do you have up your sleeve for the truck?”
He blinked at her willingness to overlook her own skepticism but recovered with a bright smile, “Well, that depends. Can you drive stick?”
She shot him a smirk, “I’m not totally useless at cars. I know my way around a manual transmission.”
He raised his arms in mock defense with a chuckle, “Woah, no offense met. You just said that you weren’t an expert. I didn’t want to make any assumptions. Besides,” he jokes, “you aren’t even dressed for the weather, I have to be a little caution.” This got a laugh out of her, which made him smile again, “Alright Ms. Know-it-all, I’ll skip the basics then. All you really have to know is that the clutch sometimes gets stuck before you start the engine, so you might have to step on it with a little more force than you’re used to, but I haven’t had any issues with it when switching gears. The stick shift tends to get stuck between the fifth and sixth gear though, but I really don’t recommend driving above sixty. Unless you’re really into car accidents or being stranded by a stalled engine.”
“I don’t have any plans on driving anywhere near that, thank you very much. But I think it would hold up great in a collision,” she grinned, defending her new truck.
Jacob agreed with a laugh, “I don’t think a tank can take out this old monster.”
“So, you re-built the engine? What, do you just build cars on your free time?” she asked after their laugh subsided. She sounded impressed.
“Among other things. I haven’t had too much free time as of late, or the parts,” he added humorously, “but if you get your hands on a master cylinder for a 1986 Volkswagen Rabbit, let me know, will you?”
Bella laughed again, “Sorry, I haven’t seen any lately, but I’ll keep my eyes open for you. Unless I get a better offer, you know, supply and demand.”
They both laughed at the absurdity of her statements as she clearly had no idea what that was. She was surprisingly, very easy to talk with.
It got quiet in the cab for a minute, and it was a comfortable type of quiet where there was no pressure to say anything, and they just enjoyed the other’s company. It started to drizzle and the soft water against the truck added to the atmosphere. It was then that he noticed that she scrunched her nose ever so slightly at the rain and looked at it with some disdain.
It occurred to him that as someone who’d lived in the desert most of their life might like the rain a little more, but maybe the opposite was true. Regardless, if she disliked the rain so much, she was not going to enjoy Forks very much. But she should have known that, right? Even in the summer when she used to visit, it rained enough for her to know that it was a year-round phenomenon. That begged the question, why move here at all? But surely that was personal.
Still, he found himself wondering, nonetheless.
In the end, curiosity got the best of him, and he broke the spell by asking, “Can I ask you something personal?”
She shrugged, “It depends on how personal, but shoot.”
“Well, feel free to tell me to shove off if I’m being nosey, but why’d you decide to move in with Charlie? I mean, it’s clearly not for the change in scenery and weather.”
After some hesitation she said, “It’s not ideal, the weather, I mean, but I wanted to give my mom a chance to travel around with Phil, that’s her new husband. She can’t really do that if she has to stay back in Phoenix with me, and on top of that I miss Char— I mean my dad too. So, it worked it was the best for everyone.” She shrugged, “If I have to deal with a little rain, then so be it. This way is better for everyone’s happiness.”
He could tell that this wasn’t a topic she was super comfortable talking about, so he opted for a silly response in lieu of a serious one, “Well, if you think it’s only going to rain a little, you are in for a surprise. Because it rains. A lot.”
She pressed her lips together as she tried to keep from laughing, but they both started laughing as the drizzle turned into stronger rain. “See?” he said between laughs, “I think I might need to gift you an umbrella or something, you do know what those are right?”
Her response was a jab to his ribs with her elbow, or it would have been if he hadn’t moved and laughed even harder at her face, which was somewhere between a pout and outrage.
“Obviously, yes. How do you think I managed to stay so pale in Arizona?” She deadpanned.
After a pause and a quirk of her lips, they both launched into laughter again. They spent the next several minutes trading jokes and telling each other funny tidbits of their childhoods. It was strange but for a moment, it was like he had his sisters back, but rolled up in one. There was something about Bella that made the subtle tension that had accompanied him for months… ease. He could tell that she was going to be a fixture in his life, one way or another and he welcomed her presence.
A text from Quil disrupted the conversation. He groaned in silence and read it quickly, hoping it was something stupid that he could ignore.
Bro, I think Sam is losing it. Get back here ASAP
His mind flitted through multiple worst-case scenarios, as he sent back a message.
Heading back now, I’ll leave the truck somewhere safe
He hoped that Quil would understand that he meant to shift and run from wherever he left the truck. Sighing with the weight of whatever unknown troubles lay ahead, he turned to Bella, “Sorry, gotta head back. Seems like the world falls apart when I’m not there.”
She chuckled softly and shrugged, “That’s alright. I appreciate the tips and the laughs. Will I see you around? In school I mean.”
“Uh, no. I go to school on the res,” he lied easily, mostly because he technically had gone to the school on the reservation before he shifted.
“Oh, right,” there was a slight disappointment in her face and voice, but she recovered quickly enough and replaced it with a tight-lipped smile.
“Here, give me your phone,” he held out his hand.
She handed it over easily enough and he put in his number in her contacts. He saw the camera lens on the phone, and he quickly turned it around and took a picture of himself. “There, now you can text me whenever!” He exclaimed as he handed it back to her. Her smile relaxed into a small genuine one and Jacob knew that she was going to be an easy friend to have.
“Woah,” she said as she looked down at her phone, “you weren’t kidding about running hotter than most people. Your hand is like a small furnace.” Her tone told him that it was a joke, so he didn’t worry too much about it, but nevertheless he quickly came up with an excuse.
“Well, I don’t know about a furnace. Your hands were pretty icy over there, you sure you don’t have frostbite already?” he joked.
She rolled her eyes, “Yup, it’s settled in, can’t you tell by the lack of color?” She wiggled her fingers freely and he threw his head back with laughter.
“Well anyway, I mean it. If you need me to kidnap you, just say the word. We have more fun in the res anyway,” he sought her eyes with his and didn’t break away until she smiled fully and nodded with a blush.
“Yeah, okay. Deal.”
He exited the truck with a smile and a wave and as he pulled away in Sam’s truck he saw her stepping toward her house, slipping on a patch of mud and landing on her butt. He laughed so hearty and loud, that he’s sure that she could hear him despite the truck and distance.
The mirth doesn’t last of course, as once the worry about whatever situation was going on with Sam it disappears in an instant, like a bucket of ice-cold water over him.
He waited until he was on the reservation before pulling over, much like earlier, and hiding the vehicle from sight. Before shifting he threw his shirt and jeans into the cab of the truck, not wanting to tear through the clothes without a good reason. As soon as he shifted, Quil invaded his mind space.
‘Took you long enough!’ he exclaimed, worry apparent in his tone.
He didn’t dignify that with a response as he watched a playback of what had Quil in such a state and raced back towards the cabin.
Sam slammed through the cabin door, nearly cracking it in his fury. His anger was palpable but there was something else in his eyes, not anger, but maybe sadness or fear. Maybe both. Quil kept trying to ask what was going on, but he refused to answer and instead left the cabin without another word. Quil followed behind him, still asking questions, until Sam swung back around and stared him down with a snarl. Satisfied that the younger man wouldn’t follow, he stalked away once again.
Of course, Quil couldn’t leave it at that, so he debated the options before going to higher ground, and texting Jacob. Once he got the reply, he ran back to the cabin and dropped off his phone. He decided to look for Sam but knew that his wolf form would be better suited for that task. After some false starts, he was finally able to shift and followed the Alpha’s scent deeper into the woods.
Sam was sitting on the ground, face buried in his lap and arms around his knees and didn’t give any indication of moving, save a small tremor that moved through his body and almost made him look like he was vibrating. Quil whined and lied down, facing Sam, and waited for Jacob to arrive.
Jacob wasn’t sure how long Sam had been in such a state or what had caused it but his anger and the way his body seemed to shake had him concerned. Was he on the verge of shifting and resisting? His self-control was better than both he and Quil’s given that he’d had more time to practice it, but still. A thousand questions passed his mind and he knew that Quil had thought them too.
If he was actively trying not to shift, was it because he didn’t want them to know what was going on through their connection? Or, the more dangerous question, was he scared to shift and lose control? Jacob half snarled at the thought of the latter being true. Any of them out of control would be dangerous and so far, they hadn’t made a plan of what to do if it happened. The last thing he wanted to do was fight one of his brothers.
As he approached the cabin, he caught their scent and followed it, dreading the possibility of confrontation.
Notes:
Alright! I've decided that I won't post Chapter 6 until I have Chapter 7 mostly finished and continuing that for the rest of the chapters just so there's hopefully less time between chapters in the future. This does mean there will be a longer wait between this chapter and the next, but hopefully it will be more consistent after that.
But we'll see!
Any guesses on why Sam is losing his cool?
Chapter 6: I Can't Handle Change
Notes:
OKAY HI HELLO
Life has not settled down AT ALL and I don't know why I expected the holidays to be a quieter time to write but here is a new chapter and I have settled on a posting schedule of once a month, so next chapter will be posted at the end of January...
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jacob
As soon as he spotted Quil and Sam, he slowed down and glanced at Quil who stood from his spot and shook out his fur.
‘Any change?’ Jacob asked Quil as he considered what to do next.
Quil let out a low whine, ‘No. This isn’t normal though, right?’
‘Fuck if any of this is normal, bro. But no, I don’t think this has happened before.’
‘So, what do we do?’ he asked with concern.
Jacob didn’t answer right away. He wasn’t sure what they could do.
On the one hand, if they could get him to shift, Sam wouldn’t have any choice but to be honest with them about what was going on. But on the other hand, if he shifted and got out of control, they’d have to fight to possibly subdue him. So, the best choice was for them to try to speak to him in their human forms and hope he didn’t phase while that was happening.
Through their shared mind space, Quil understood the dilemma Jacob was going through and he chimed in, ‘I think speaking to him in human form might be best. But one of us should stay in wolf form just in case, as back up.’
Jacob nodded, ‘I’ll be back shortly then.’
The other wolf turned his head to the side in question.
‘I need to get shorts or something. I’m not having this conversation in the nude, thank you very much.’
A snort left Quil’s snout, and his mind was filled with the amusing mental image of just that happening.
Jacob trotted back to the cabin and changed into a pair of comfortable shorts, not wanting to risk tearing through a shirt if the situation called for him to shift back to wolf form. He stretched his arms out as he jogged back to Sam and Quil.
He approached Sam carefully, though he kept a couple of paces away from him out of safety, recalling how he’d clawed at Sam just a couple of months back. “Sam?” He called out. It was silly, because undoubtedly Sam knew they were both there, but it seemed like the polite thing to do, especially if he had any hopes of de-escalating whatever was happening. “You’re worrying us here, want fill us in on what’s got you…” Tense. On edge. Angry. None of these seemed helpful, accurate as they were, so he opted for, “like this?”
Muffled, and half-snarled Sam’s voice called out, “Just leave me alone!”
“Can’t do that. Not until we can make sure you’ve got your wolf under control, and more importantly, until we make sure you’re okay.” Jacob was trying to make sure that the older male understood that first and foremost, they were concerned about his wellbeing rather than being worried about him losing control.
“Leave!” Sam’s voice was deeper and carried some weight. He was trying to use his Alpha voice to order them, but Jacob felt no compulsion to leave. It was either not strong enough in his human form or he was so upset that it wasn’t working as it should. Regardless, he really should’ve known better. There was no way that either Quil or Jacob were leaving.
The latter stood his ground and though Sam couldn’t see him, Jacob crossed his arms and shifted his weight deeper into the ground. A silent show that he wasn’t leaving until he was satisfied with an answer.
Jacob considered whether to continue to approach Sam from a softer, compassionate place or if perhaps he should push with a firmer hand. Again, he didn’t want to push Sam to shift if it could be avoided, but that also meant that he had to start cooperating, otherwise Jacob would have no choice but to push.
He sighed, “Sam, please. You have to tell us what happened. We can’t help you unless you tell us what happened.”
That seemed to work.
“You can’t help! No one can help me now!” Sam yelled back, and his fists curled into themselves even tighter, the skin taut and almost white from effort. There was conflict in his voice, as it waivered between a choked sob and an angry shout.
“Sam, please. Just tell us what happened? Did…” he hesitated, not wanting to assume the worst of Sam. Still, he had to make sure that no one was injured or worse, “did someone get hurt?”
His head snapped up, and Jacob could see the unshed tears in his eyes, but equal to his pain was an anger present in the furrow of his brow. “No… at least, not in the way you mean…” he trailed off. The shock of the quasi-accusation seemed to have shaken him enough to keep the stronger emotions under control, as the trembling that had been worrying Jacob the most was gone.
Silence stretched between them as Jacob gave Sam the opportunity to clarify what he meant. When it was clear that he wasn’t going to volunteer that information, he spoke up again, “Let’s head back to the cabin, we’ll get some food and we can talk about it more there, ok? Or are you going to make poor Quil stay in wolf form?” He hoped that by lightening the tone, Sam would be more agreeable.
After a sigh, Sam nodded in defeat and Jacob offered him an arm to help him up. The former took it and uttered a small thanks.
Jacob gave him an awkward, tight-lipped smile in return and slapped Sam’s back in a half hug, which the other returned. They turned to face Quil, who’s tail was higher than before, lightly wagging, and was giving them a grin, which looked goofy in his wolf form.
“You’re welcome to join us in the cabin once you shift back, Quil. We’ll leave your clothes outside by the door, once you manage to shift back that is.” Jacob smiled in jest at his best friend and received an indignant bark as a reply. “C’mon Sam, let’s go.” Sam rolled his eyes at the jab, which gave Jacob hope that he was in a better headspace to have this conversation.
⁂
The sun had fully set by the time Quil had joined them, but the other two were understanding, knowing that he’d been struggling with controlled phasing. While waiting, Jacob served dinner and they ate in silence. Sam clearly needed time to process what and how he wanted to tell them, and Jacob had no issue with giving him the time to do so.
Clearly, this was something that had affected him deeply, so he’d bide his time and wouldn’t prod until he was ready to talk about it or until Quil made it back, whichever came first.
Jacob also tried really hard not to guess what it could be. Because then those thoughts might bleed into his subconscious while they were phased, and he didn’t want Sam to think that he’d been expecting the worst. So, instead he thought of rebuilding cars. It had become a meditative practice the last couple of months and always calmed him and helped reduce his worries, at least in the moment.
When Quil joined them, fully clothed, he murmured an embarrassed apology, which Jacob waved off, and served himself dinner. More silence filled the room and when Quil and Jacob exchanged a look, the latter sighed and said, “Alright, Sam. It’s time. What happened?”
Sam was staring at the floor intensely, brows drawn, and arms crossed in front of him and after a moment, he said, “I went to visit Leah. We’d been doing better, and she wanted me to come over to help finish decorating the tree. I figured it would be nice, and I’d get to spend some more time with her and her family, you know?” he paused, taking a quick deep breath, and releasing it just as quickly, “Turns out, the reason they hadn’t finished was because they were waiting for their cousin. She–she was going to bring some family ornaments or something, I guess.”
“Oh, yeah!” Quil remarked, “Emily, right?”
A flash of pain crossed Sam’s face before he screwed his eyes tight and seemed to stop breathing altogether.
Quil didn’t seem to notice, too engrossed in his food to pay attention to him, and continued, “She’s studying to be a teacher or something, but she makes some really neat wood carvings and—” Jacob stopped him with a smack to his arm. At this point he raised his eyes and noticed Sam’s expression. “Oh…”
After shaking his head at Quil, mostly for being a dumbass, Jacob said, “Keep going Sam, we’re here to listen and to try to understand, but you have to tell us what happened, man.”
Eventually, Sam opened his eyes and tried to mask his pain. He opened his mouth, and closed it several times, like he didn’t know quite how to continue.
Then he sighed and said in a broken voice, just barely audible, “I really messed up. I don’t know how to explain it. We were all having fun. Harry and Sue had just brought out some food to hold us over, and Seth was making jokes… Leah,” his voiced wavered, “she and I were sitting together laughing… then there was a knock on the door. I offered to answer and when I opened the door…” he trailed off, and his expression shifted again. There was a wistful, almost peaceful look on his face now and his mouth slowly formed a smile, soft and content. Just as quickly, it contorted back to the pained visage that had been there, “She was just there, and it’s like the whole world made sense, like everything had fallen into place and I finally understood… everything. I–I don’t even know how long I stood there, just staring at her. I just knew with every fiber in me that she was it. That everything would be okay as long as she was by my side… but then Leah came over asked me why I was staring at her and I remembered that she was my girlfriend, and that I was supposed to love her. That I do love her, or that I thought I did before I saw her.” His words were tumbling out now, rushed like he needed to get them out into the open.
“Nothing makes sense! I’m supposed to love Leah, but now it’s like it disappeared. Everything I thought I felt for her vanished, just fucking evaporated. I-I-I don’t know what to do now, how to feel. I just stood there like an idiot, and I couldn’t explain to anyone what was happening. Leah kept asking questions and I didn’t know how to answer them, I could barely form a coherent thought…so I just…left. Even now, I don’t know what to do. I’ve spent hours trying to understand what happened, what’s happening still, and I have no answers. I don’t know what to do, and I’m scared I’m so scared of what will happen when I have to go back. I have no answers…”
The silence that followed was heavy as the other Quil and Jacob processed what Sam had said and the latter continued to silently fall apart. He’d let his face fall into his hands and his breathing was ragged.
Jacob was pretty sure he was having a panic attack and felt absolutely powerless. How could he help? He had no answers to give him, no words of comfort to offer.
Quil was the first to speak and break the heavy silence, “We should ask the council, maybe they’ll have—”
“No!” Sam whipped his head up and glared at Quil, panic and aggravation clear on his face. When he spoke again, his Alpha voice rang out with an order, “We will not contact the council about this.”
“It couldn’t hurt to ask them, is all I’m saying! They have more answers than the three of us, and maybe they’ve heard of something like this happening before—”
Once again, he was cut off, but this time it was by Jacob, who stopped him with a shake of his head and a raised hand.
Quil just looked at him questioningly.
Jacob ignored him and placed a careful hand on Sam’s shoulder, trying to reassure him and assuage him, “We don’t have to call the whole council, Sam, maybe just my dad? I’m sure he has just as many answers as the rest of the council.” Jacob had guessed that Sam’s hard refusal was because of Harry’s position in the council. He couldn’t imagine how awkward it would be to ask the father of your long-time girlfriend about instantly falling in love with her cousin.
Sam was quiet as he considered the proposal but eventually nodded his head. He knew just as well that more knowledge was needed before going forward with any decision.
“We’ll stop by tomorrow, but you need to rest tonight. You’re wound up too tight to go on patrol. Quil and I will handle it, just get some rest and we’ll head out at first light, my dad should be up by the time we get to the house,” Jacob half-suggested, and half-ordered.
It seemed like Sam was going to argue, but after a second acquiesced.
Good. It wouldn’t benefit any of them if they were distracted on patrol and with all of the chaos in his mind, Sam would likely distract all of them and he likely realized this too. He silently thanked Jacob with a nod and made his way to one of the beds.
Quil and Jacob decided to take a short nap before going on patrol and Quil was happy to take the other bed when Jacob told him to go ahead. Jacob made his way outside and decided to take his nap in wolf form. He’d found it strangely peaceful when he’d accidentally fallen asleep after one exhausting patrol and had wanted another opportunity to try to sleep in that form. After shifting, he found refuge under a low-hanging branch of a large pine and laid his muzzle over his paws, slowly closing his eyes and waiting for sleep.
It found him quickly and whisked him away.
⁂
The following day all three of them made the trek back down to town but split up once they got there. Quil had decided to not join them to Jacob’s house out of respect for Sam’s privacy and instead chose to stock up on groceries for the cabin and to see his family. It was tough for him to not tell them anything, and his relationships with them were strained as they didn’t understand why he’d changed so much without any explanations. But they tried to understand when Harry explained that he was working with the council, even if Quil had never shown any interest in the council before. It was definitely a work in progress.
The other two made their way to Jacob’s house to speak with Billy, though Sam insisted on walking through the forest to avoid being seen in town at all. Jacob complied because he could only imagine the stress that the other was dealing with and didn’t want to add to it by way of accidently bumping into any of affected parties.
Once Sam explained the situation to Billy, after a long bout of silence and embarrassment, the latter contemplated and was deep in thought before he nodded and said, “I think I have an idea of what happened. I can understand why it’s an upsetting situation, but it’s not a bad thing. I believe you have imprinted on Emily.”
Sam closed his eyes at the sound of her name and took a moment to collect himself before he asked, “What does that mean, imprinting?”
Billy hesitated and glanced at Jacob. He took the hint and nodded, excusing himself and leaving the room, telling Sam that he was going to pick up his truck and bring it back and to text him if he needed anything. Sam nodded and mouthed a silent thank you in response.
He stepped out to the garage before heading out and took his phone out to text Quil about snacks he’d forgotten to ask for, but noticed he had an unread message from an unknown number.
Hope things turned out okay :)
This is Bella, by the way…
He noticed it was sent the previous evening and sent a reply hoping that she didn’t take it personally that he’d taken so long to reply. He updated the contact information to her name and texted her back.
Work in progress, but so far so good.
After a minute of debating with himself, he sent a follow up text.
Sorry I took so long to reply. I had shitty reception yesterday didn’t get your text until today.
That being done, he went back to texting Quil about his requests.
Not long after that, she sent him a text back.
No worries, I’m glad it’s going well so far.
By the way, do you know Harry Clearwater?
Jacob looked at the last message and wondered why she could possibly need from Harry.
Yeah, I do. How come?
She took a while longer to reply and he’d considered heading out to get the truck but just as he was going to put his phone away, her reply came through.
I was hoping you might have his recipe for his fish fry?
It’s just that I want to make Christmas dinner special for Charlie and I remember that he used to love Harry’s fish fry best. I just want to make Christmas extra special since it’s been so long since we’ve spent a Christmas together…
He smiled at his phone and dialed her number.
After two rings, she answered with a tone tinged with hesitation and surprise, “Hello?”
“Hey! I figured I’d call you instead, might be faster that way.”
“Oh, sure. What’s up?”
“Well, to answer your question, yes I know Quil, but to your unasked follow-up question, no I don’t know the recipe,” he laughed, “no one does. He’ll take that to the bank or to the grave, that one. But fret not, I have already thought of a solution.” Despite the fact that she couldn’t see him he grinned, self-assured, very much like the cat who ate the canary.
She chuckled, but it sounded faint, like she moved away from the receiver. “My hero,” her tone dredged in light humor and sarcasm. “So, what’s the solution, Hero?”
A laugh tumbled from him at her apparent nickname for him before he answered, “Well, I was thinking. Our dads hadn’t been talking a couple of months ago, some old people misunderstanding or something, and since it’s just me and him… maybe we should join households for the holidays? My dad can totally get some fish fry from Harry, and we could bring some other food too. Give you a proper welcoming dinner in the process to.” He paused and then realized that he might be overstepping and inserting himself into her family dinner, so he rushed to backpedal, “But obviously, we don’t have to do that. I just thought that it would be—”
She interrupted, “No! I- uh”
He remained silent to give her space to speak, but she took a deep breath instead. Had he made things awkward? Did she think that he had a crush or something? Because he’d definitely need to clear that up as soon as possible if that was the case. Before he could say something though, she resumed speaking.
“Look,” she sighed, “I actually would really appreciate it if you guys came. Charlie and I, we’re both too reticent and laconic for parties or really any form of… socialization beyond awkward small talk. But he seems to be more… I don’t know, lively and sociable when Billy is around. I didn’t want to ask you guys over and intrude on your Christmas celebration, but if you’re offering…”
“Honestly, it’ll be good for them, I think; they’re like old maids the pair of them. And since neither of my sisters are coming home for Christmas it’ll be good for my old man too, that way he won’t be so focused on that, y’know?”
“Sounds like it works out all around then…” she drifted off into a semi-awkward silence and then cleared her throat, “Um, so, we’ll talk to narrow down all the details… and stuff…”
Jacob stifled a chuckle and raised an eyebrow at the fact that the same person who used words like ‘reticent’ and ‘laconic’ so easily in conversation could also awkwardly drift through one just as easily. Instead of pointing this out though, he merely agreed to text her later once he confirmed with his dad and hung up.
Then he grabbed a pair of shorts and an old and worn t-shirt and wrapped his phone inside it. The tree line wasn’t too far so he walked a few yards into the forest before he carefully removed his current clothes and hid them under a bush after making sure that there was no one around. Soon after he was in his wolf form and made his way back towards where he’d left Sam’s truck.
Something told him that there was no need for him to hurry back, so instead of racing to the truck, he softly treaded there taking in the world trough his wolf-eyes and enjoying the biting breeze against his fur.
Notes:
Also thanks to for giving me Knnibrown the kick in the butt to post a new chapter, I swear I didn't mean to go so long between posting!!!
Thanks again for all the Kudos and Comments, you guys make my day :D
Chapter Text
Jacob
one month later
The new year had brought… a lot with it.
It strengthened the bond with his pack brothers given all the developments with Sam and imprinting, and the addition of two new pack members, Jared Cameron, and Paul Lahote. Jared had phased and panicked into the woods, where Sam found him. Apparently, they’d been on friendly terms before Sam had first phased so he took everything in stride and was easy to be friendly. Paul… not so much. He was hot-headed and the definition of temperamental. The smallest thing could set him off and cause him to shift. Sam had tasked Jacob with helping him have a better grasp on his shifting, and Jacob would have been proud that Sam had so much confidence in him if it didn’t feel like babysitting an oversized toddler with anger issues at times.
Now that there were more of them to balance out their nightly patrols, Sam had insisted that they all return to school, with the exception of Paul who was still too much of a loose cannon to feel confident he could return without incident. Quil had complained that Sam wasn’t returning, mostly because he knew that Embry would have questions that neither of his best friends could answer and hoped that pointing this out would excuse him from school for a bit longer. Sam was ready for this and pointed out that he’d been studying for his GED and would be taking the test soon, stating that he wanted to focus on the pack. Though… they knew that there was a bigger reason that he didn’t want to go back. Leah hadn’t taken the breakup very well and apparently things were tense between her and Emily as the former blamed the latter for the dissolution of her relationship with Sam.
Because of this rift, Emily was refusing to even speak to Sam. When Sam and Jacob had patrols together, or when they had to go after Paul and calm him down, Jacob could feel the anguish that Sam felt being away from Emily and being told to go away time and time again. But in equal parts, he could feel the rightness that Sam felt by merely being in her presence. He didn’t envy Sam, and this… imprinting business seemed like more trouble than it was worth and as someone who has never been in a relationship serious or otherwise, he wasn’t sure that he’d ever want to be locked in like that. But that was neither here nor there.
On a more positive note, his new friendship with Bella had definitely taken a good turn. Their families spent Christmas and New Year’s Eve together and they were both equally fun as they were awkward. It seemed that Charlie was keen to embarrass Bella with attempts to, not so subtly, set her and Jacob up; something that Jacob and Bella both seemed to reject with a scrunched nose by him and an awkward side look by her. They both seemed to be more comfortable as just friends and once they got away from their dads and their poorly veiled attempts at matchmaking they had more time to just hang out.
They didn’t share too much in common at first, but that didn’t seem to stop either of them from forging a strong foundation of friendship. She would talk about her favorite books and why they were so captivating to her, though once she realized she was on the verge off rambling she blushed and looked down at her hands on her lap, mumbling an apology.
“No! Don’t apologize,” he laughed, “it’s refreshing to hear someone be so passionate about things I know so little about. It’s a different perspective, or something, you know?”
She looked off to the side to hide her smile, “Yeah, or something. So, what about you? What are your passions, aside from being knowledgeable mechanic and weightlifting?”
He paused for a second, as if he was deep in thought, “Nope, not me. I’m as simple as they come. Cars and muscles. That’s it. Nothing more to me than that.” He smiled widely and made a grab for a couple of the stuffed potato skins that Bella had made for their small gathering. They were absolutely delicious, and he’d eaten half a dozen already.
“Hey!” she called out, smacking him playfully on the arm, “You’re going to ruin your appetite and finish them off before the rest of us have a chance to eat any!”
He grabbed one and ate it in two mouthfuls, waiting to swallow before answering, “I guess that’s another thing I’m passionate about, food. Don’t you worry your pretty, pale face about my appetite, I could eat the whole dinner spread and still eat some more.” He made a show of licking his fingers as she scrunched up her nose in disgust and covered her eyes. “But I’ll spare your delicate sensibilities and wait for dinner before I eat any more.”
She rolled her eyes and got up from the couch as the oven dinged and signaled that their dinner, Harry’s promised fish fry, was ready. They gathered in the small Swan dining room, which had been plainly decorated with thin, gold tinsel and banners to welcome the New Year. Jacob had learned since Christmas dinner that Bella was vegetarian and snuck out to the truck to grab something he’d spent the morning whipping up.
Charlie and Bella looked curiously at Jacob when he returned, arms behind his back and his dad looked at him with a small, proud smile. Jacob produced the dish with a sheepish, ‘ta-da!’. They were stuffed mushrooms and roasted cauliflower. It was nothing fancy, but just a token to show his new friend that he paid attention and was making an effort to cater to her needs as she acclimated to her new life here in Forks. At Christmas dinner, she had a salad and a bit or two of mashed potatoes, but nothing else.
She’d spent the day in the kitchen making sure that the dinner spread would be delicious for them but made herself something so simple that he could have sworn she made it at the last minute. He thought tonight’s dinner might go the same unless he brought something with her in mind, and he was right. Among the fish, potato skins, and bacon wrapped vegetables, there was a simple salad on her plate.
Bella stared at the glass dish with an expression half in shock and half in gratitude. “Aw, Jacob, that’s mighty nice of you, isn’t it Bells?” Charlie said with a side look at his dad which was returned with a grin and an eyeroll.
“Yeah, Jake, thanks. You really didn’t have to,” she mumbled as she let her hair fall to the front of her face as she looked down in mortified shame.
“Nah, it’s nothing. Just thought you should eat something just as delicious as the food you prepared for us. Like I said, I like food, so it really was just an excuse to learn to make some new stuff really.” He noted how uncomfortable she was with all eyes on her and placed the dish down and sat at the table, “Alright, let’s eat now, before everything gets cold, yeah?”
Charlie and his dad spent the majority of the dinner talking about the latest baseball games and the planned fishing trips they had for the spring. Bella thanked him quietly throughout the meal and had mentioned multiple times that it was a really nice thought, but that it was too much to the point that he rolled his eyes and stole a stuffed mushroom, a floret or two of cauliflower, and a stuffed potato skin from her plate and proceeded to take a big bite of the latter.
“Better?” he said through the mouthful.
She stared at him, mouth agape for a moment before she started to laugh, smacking his arm repeatedly, “You’re a walking sinkhole, you know that? And I know you weren’t raised in a barn, but you sure are acting like it. You’re making Billy look bad here.”
His dad cut in in a humorous tone before Jacob had an opportunity to respond, “Oh, he knows. I swear, it’s like he’s trying to eat me out of house and home. And see? I’m not the only one that thinks your table manners could improve Jacob.”
“Woah! Don’t gang up on me now, I’m a growing boy!” he exclaimed, defending himself.
“That’s right,” Charlie said, backing him up, “there’s nothing wrong with having a hearty appetite at his age. Bells, if anything you should try to eat a little more honey. Get some more protein in you.”
Bella pressed her lips together in disagreement and looked away, “I eat plenty, Dad. Not my fault that Jake here is a garbage disposal.”
Jacob was going to say something but just then his stomach grumbled as if he hadn’t just eaten two helpings of everything. Everyone burst into wholehearted laughs, as Jacob blushed mildly and reached for a cooling, bacon-wrapped asparagus to tamp down his hunger.
⁂
When he returned to school the following Monday, Quil shuffling quietly behind him, he could see everyone staring at the pair of them and talking to each other in hushed whispers. It would be easier to ignore everyone if not for their increased hearing capacity. They’d made sure to show up right as the bell rang to avoid being spectacles for any longer than they had to. Even the teachers stared for a second or two longer when he entered the classroom, some of them in disappointment, others in distrust, but always with judgement. Lunch couldn’t arrive fast enough in his opinion.
He and Quil had agreed to meet by one of tables by the outside entrance since it was the coldest area in the cafeteria due to poor construction and was mostly free of other students. They’d even brought jackets to help with the charade. They grabbed their food and quickly sat down at their new table.
“How bad was it for you?” he asked Quil.
He was about to answer when his face became profoundly sad as he looked at something, more likely someone, behind Jacob and then immediately dropped his gaze and picked at the foam tray holding his food. Jacob wasn’t an idiot; he knew very well who was behind him and he took a calming breath and looked down at his own tray of food. They had discussed the high possibility of running into Embry but disagreed on what to do when that happened. As much as it hurt him, Jacob had said it was best to ignore him, but of course Quil was vehemently against that and thought they should try their best to explain that they’d been sick just like the school had been told.
It might have been the kinder thing to do, but Jacob didn’t want to lie to their best friend anymore, and even if it was more painful, at least his option made sure that they weren’t lying to him. Quil seemed to be struggling with this choice but was holding strong through his silence. In a surprising turn though, it was Jacob who broke first and turned to face Embry, unsure of what he’d say but wanting to reassure him that this wasn’t their choice.
Before he could get a single word out though, he took a good look at his friend. His face had a sunken in appearance and he had bruise-like eye bags. Loneliness had grabbed hold of his friend and was seeping the life out of him. Jacob opened his mouth and almost reached out to grab the other into a crushing hug, but before he had the opportunity to do so, Jared loudly announced himself as he sat at their table, walking past Embry as if he wasn’t just staring at his two former best friends.
“My boys! You won’t believe the amount of work I have to catch up on! This place sucks, I swear, they have no empathy on the sick and disabled,” the humor in tone made it plain that he was poking fun at the fact that he hadn’t truly been sick, much like everyone was starting to suspect. He made a big show of stretching and pretending he’d only just seen the awkwardly standing Embry and pointed at him with the sodden breadstick in his hand, “You guys know him?”
Obviously, he knew who Embry was to Jacob and Quil, but was trying to make it easier for them to ignore the former. Quil continued to pick at his tray, a steady mount of foam bits growing on the table and Jacob opened his mouth, again unsure of what he was going to say but Embry beat him to the punch this time.
“No. I guess not.” He gave one last once over to his former best friends before leaving the cafeteria altogether through the door behind them, the cold swallowing him as he rearranged his backpack and continued to walk away, not bothering to look back.
Jacob stabbed his fork into the food as if it were its fault that one of his closest friends had just walked away, and glowered at the overcooked pasta as if it was to blame instead of his own damn fault.
Jared looked to his brothers and dropped his happy-go-lucky expression to a more somber and serious one, “Sorry guys, I know it’s hard, but we’re on gag orders from Sam, and we agreed that old ties are too dangerous to keep.”
Quil merely nodded his head as he finally started eating, and Jacob let out a sigh and nodded, knowing that this didn’t fall on Jared’s shoulders. This was those fucking bloodsuckers’ fault. Without them this wouldn’t be happening.
The rest of the school day droned on and as soon as the final bell rang, he met up with Quil and Jared and they made their way to his house where they dropped off their things and made their way to the edge of the forest. All three of them were jittery with angry and uncomfortable energy and as soon as they were in the safety of the thick trees they shifted, not caring for the torn clothes they left behind. He saw and heard and felt the isolation and feeling of ‘other’ that they’d felt as it melded with his own and they ran, and ran, willing for those feelings to melt away as they left it behind and felt freer with each step.
Rumors had already spread around school, all more preposterous than the last. Some people believed that they were pushing drugs or had joined a gang out of Olympia. Quil had heard that some thought they were taking steroids and hoping to join the football team to get scouted. On and on, it was ridiculous, but it didn’t get close to the ridiculous that was the truth. Sam and Paul join them eventually and once they’re all more relaxed, Sam suggests having some fun instead of their responsibilities and they all go to a remote beach and toss around a football. Not having to restrain their increased speed or strength, they end up having more fun than they’d expected. Quil accidentally hits Paul in the back of the head, resulting in the rest of them breaking down in side-stitch inducing laughs and having to run away from an enraged Paul.
This was their new normal, being with each other isolated from the rest of the world. Out there, they wore an uncomfortable mask of normalcy, but here, among brothers, they could be themselves again. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
⁂
The next week was much of the same and he started to get comfortable in this new rhythm—that is until Bella managed to end all of that with a phone call.
They’d been texting regularly, mostly jokes and encouraging messages back and forth, but after he asked how her first week at school was she’d taken a while to respond, before she asked if she could talk. Curious, he agreed and closed his bedroom door and then closed the book in front of him, having given up on his homework.
He dialed her number as a response, “What’s up Bella? Wait! Let me guess… you’re smarter than everyone else there and you need me to rescue you?”
“Shut up,” she answered with a half-laugh, “it’s not that. Hi, by the way.”
“Alright, so what’s up then?”
She drew a breath and didn’t let it out, just staying in silence for a moment longer, “I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t expect everyone to be so… welcoming.” She said this laced with some mild disdain, as if it were a bad thing. “Don’t get me wrong, a lot of them are really nice, and I’ve made some friends, I guess, but it’s… a lot. Some of the guys are being a little too friendly, y’know? Nothing bad, but I’m not really used to being the center of attention. It sucks.”
“Ooooh,” he cooed with a joking tone, “look at you, Ms. Popularity.”
She laughed in a breathy way that showed just how uncomfortable she really was with the concept.
“Well, that’s not too bad. I’m sure the novelty of the new girl will fade away at some point. Then you can go back to hiding behind a book,” he tried to reassure her. “It can’t be that bad though.”
“It’s not just that. There’s this… guy—” she started.
“Does Bella have a crush?” he asked with another coo.
“No! It’s not-it’s not that. He was just acting weird on Monday, I guess, but then he didn’t show up for the rest of the week. I don’t know it was just weird, like he was really intense, I guess.”
He could tell that this was bothering her, so he asked, “Weird how?”
“Well, his lab table was the only one open in Biology, so I had to sit next to him and he just got all intense, and I don’t know, angry when he saw me. The whole class he was tense, and his hands were in fists. It was weird. At the end of the day, I stopped by the office to drop off my paperwork and he was there trying to swap his Biology class to literally anything else, and when he saw me he got upset again. I swear it’s like the guy hates me, but we didn’t exchange a single word, so I don’t know what he’s got stuck up his…” she stopped herself with an annoyed huff. “Anyway, the next day I was trying to get the nerve to confront him and ask him what his problem was, but he didn’t show. For the rest of the week, he didn’t show!”
“What a weirdo,” he replied. “Maybe he was just sick or something?”
“Yeah, maybe,” she said back, clearly not convinced. “But it’s just weird. And Charlie even said that the family is really nice, and they don’t cause trouble or anything. He seemed to think highly of them all, which is saying something, he doesn’t typically defend people like that, at least not like that.”
His blood ran cold. There was one family that Jacob knew that the chief defended quite fiercely. He swallowed and cleared his throat, “What’s this guy’s name anyway?” He feared he knew the answer, at least to which family this strange acting guy belonged to.
“Edward Cullen,” she answered.
Notes:
Alright peeps new chapter is up!
Next chapter is already half-written but it'll still be a month until it gets posted to give me an opportunity to keep up with the next ones, but as a treat...
Our love-bird's much awaited first meet is just around the corner, in the next chapter mayhaps ;) !
As always, thank you everyone for your lovely comments, kudos, bookmarks they feed my soul and creativity :D
Chapter 8: Someone Who Cares
Notes:
Hello all!
This is a very special chapter because it's a birthday present to the one and only @kaloskagathos!
Please be warned that this is a LONG chapter. Much longer than previous chapters. The words just kind of took over this time. Seriously, this is like 10 pages longer than all the other ones lol
So, enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jacob
If his blood ran cold before, it was fire in his veins now. Of course, that bloodsucker had managed to intrigue Bella. Fuck. At least she didn’t seem to like him. Maybe there was a way to warn her to stay away without giving anything away? No. Even thinking about it was too close to breaking Sam’s command to keep silent about their situation.
“Jake? You there?” she asked.
Fuck. Fuck! “Yeah, sorry, I dropped something.” The excuse sounded lame even to his own ears. “But, yeah, I think I’ve heard of them, the family I think.”
“Oh yeah? What have you heard?” she asked, clearly interested in learning more.
‘Goddammit, great job Jacob’, he thought to himself.
“Nothing much, I just know they moved down here from Alaska or something. Anyone new in town is typically the source for gossip, as you’re learning for yourself.” He hoped that reminding her of her own discomfort as the new girl would change the subject, even if he felt a little guilty doing so.
“All the way in the reservation too?” she asked curiously, not quite convinced. Of course, a change of subject was too much to ask for, great.
“Not really, but the kids from your school are pretty loud when they come to the beach and stuff. Hard to ignore them all,” he replied with what he hoped was a casual tone.
“Oh God,” she whined, “I can’t wait to hear what they say about me.”
He grabbed the lifeline and went with it, hoping this would end the conversation about the bloodsucking Cullens, “I’ll be the first to tell you. I can be like your inside man, a spy. Like James Bond!”
She laughed, “Sure, Jake, you can be my inside man.”
From there, the conversation changed to their classes and their respective class load. It didn’t phase him that she found the classes relatively easy so far and wasn’t complaining about her homework. He, however, was all too happy to complain about the mountain of homework and just how boring it all was. They made plans to hang out the next day to study and do homework together, something he was looking forward to, if only to break up the monotony of the pedantic nature of homework. He'd have to switch patrols with Quil and make sure Sam was okay with it, but he was sure that it’d be fine.
They disconnected once Charlie got home and he gave her his address.
He then spent the rest of the evening with his pack brothers after clearing the switch with Sam and Quil. At some point in the night, he needed to speak to Sam about how to handle the leech situation with Bella. There wasn’t a situation yet, but he didn’t like the idea that his friend caught the attention of one of the bloodsuckers and didn’t trust Bella to forget about the leech who had clearly grabbed her attention. He didn’t know why the damned bloodsucker was acting strange or if it really had anything to do with Bella, but Jacob wasn’t going to take any chances.
Once the other guys were starting to goof off, he grabbed Sam’s attention and motioned to the front door with a tilt of his head.
Sam nodded and led them out into the darkness.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
Jacob hesitated to answer, not knowing how to begin or what to say, “Well, there might be a situation, with the Cullens, I mean. Or it might be nothing, but I figured it would be best for you to be aware of it either way.” He told Sam what Bella had told him, how the leech had reacted to her, and how it had tried to change classes, and then had disappeared from school.
Sam nodded as he took in all the information and then took a deep breath and folded his arms in front of him before saying, “And you said this is Chief Swan’s daughter?” Jacob nodded. “You were right to bring this to my attention, we’ll ask the council for their advice, but for now, try to get more information without arising any suspicion from the Swan girl, or without intriguing her further if you can. It may be that they’re aware of her connection to the pack through Chief Swan’s friendship with your father, or it might be something else entirely, but I agree that it might be something we need to pay extra attention to.”
“She’s my friend too, Sam. It’s not just Charlie’s friendship with my dad that connects her to us. We need to keep her safe too. Besides, I don’t know that I’ll be able to get more information without arising her curiosity, and I won’t put her in any more danger than she already is in by being in proximity to them,” he replied.
“Our job is to protect all of them, Jacob. I don’t like it anymore than you do, but we need to know more about what’s going on.”
An idea struck Jacob then, but he wasn’t sure how Sam would react to it.
“What if we could get more information without involving Bella at all? Maybe I could just visit her at school, every once in a while– some reconnaissance, you know?” he suggested.
Sam’s brows burrowed as he considered the idea and weighed all the possible outcomes of it, but after a moment he sighed and shook his head, “It’s too dangerous. You’d be outside of our territory, and we wouldn’t be able to protect you if something happened. I won’t let you place yourself in jeopardy for additional information.”
“But you agree that there’s something strange going on with how that Cullen,” he spat the word, “was acting around Bella. I won’t take any unnecessary risks. I’ll stay out of sight and just watch. It might serve as a deterrent too; if they think we’re watching them they might get scared and go back to wherever the hell they came from.”
Eventually, and reluctantly, Sam nodded, “Fine. But absolutely no phasing outside of our territory, and if at any point, the Cullens approach you or you feel unsafe, you return and alert us. You are not to make any contact with any of them under any circumstance, is that understood?”
Wordlessly, Jacob nodded in agreement. Whatever that Cullen leech had planned would never see the light of day. If they thought that they’d harm anyone, let alone his friend, while he was around, they had another thing fucking coming for them.
⁂
The following day found Bella trying, and failing, to keep Jacob’s attention on their studies. They were in the living room, as his room was too small to comfortably accommodate the two them sitting at the small desk he had.
“Jake? Jake…Jacob!” She threw a balled-up paper at his head, which he caught without looking up, his instincts catching up before his attention.
“Huh?” He finally looked up to face Bella, who was sitting on the couch while he had been lounging on the floor. “What’s up?
“I thought you invited me over to study and work on homework? So far, all you’ve done is eat and shuffle around your books! Are we actually going to any studying?” she said as pulled her notebook closer to her.
“Aw, come on Bella! It’s just the beginning of the semester, how much studying and homework is there really to do?” In reality he had a lot of homework to catch up on from all the school he missed, but he wasn’t going to tell her that.
She gave him a half smile and an eyeroll, “Alright Einstein, so what do you want to do instead?”
“Well, we could hangout with my friends, Quil just let me know that they might go to First Beach later so we could crash and join their bonfire, that might be fun,” he said without thinking much about it. He’d just let Sam know in advance to make sure everyone was on their best behavior. This might even work out as an exercise for everyone in control, especially for Paul.
“Are you sure?” she asked unsure, “I don’t want to crash anything…”
He laughed at her shyness, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll ask before we actually head over, but it might be fun and this way you’ll meet more people to be friendly with, you know? Your so called ‘friends’ don’t sound all that great from what you’ve told me.”
“Hey!” she said in defense, “Angela’s been really nice, and everyone in the group has been very… welcoming.”
He scoffed, “Yeah, sure, but those those girls Jessica and Lauren, was it? They sound like classic mean girls. You need to see what real friends look like so you can make better ones!” It didn’t occur to him until he’d said it that he was criticizing her ability to judge character and maybe this whole idea of getting her to meet his brothers was to dissuade her from being friendly with the wrong sort, like that leech.
She narrowed her eyes at him, “I am perfectly capable of making my own friends and telling the good sort from the bad, thank you very much.”
He raised his hands in defense, “Alright, alright. I’m just sayin’!”
She bit her lip in consideration, “I didn’t say that Lauren was my friend, by the way. She’s popular and just knows the people that I sit with at lunch, but I agree that she’s not the sort that I want to associate with. And Jessica can be a little jealous from what I can see, but she really is nice, and Angela is a pretty good judge of character. I’m sure once everyone gets over the shiny, new girl in town she’ll settle down.”
Jacob sighed and joined her on the couch, “I’m sorry. It’s not that I think you’re incapable of making good judgement calls, you just remind me a lot of my sisters. All the friends they made pretty much filled them both with ideas of leaving home as soon as they could. Not that they didn’t already want to do that themselves, but having all your friends validate your want to abandon your family without a glance back tends to help. I guess I don’t do well with sharing friends with people I don’t know.”
It had never occurred to him that maybe that’s why his circle of friends was so small and closed off. Quil and Embry were his best friends, and he was theirs, so they didn’t really expand their friendship outside of the three of them. The pack had been the first friends he’d made since grade school, but even those bonds they made were deeper than friendship, more familial in their nature than just friendship. But still, because of the nature of their bonds, they were tight knit and didn’t really have any deep friendships since they’d first shifted. He was still deep in thought when he felt her hand squeeze his forearm in comfort, so he raised his gaze to meet hers.
“Jake…” she started softly, clearly unsure of continuing her thought. He gave her his full attention and waited for her to gain the confidence to continue. “That’s not really healthy, expecting your friends to not have other friends, especially ones you don’t know. It’s not fair to them either, but I get it. Or at least I think I do. I’ve never really had really close friends in Phoenix, I didn’t quite fit in, so the whole concept of friendship is pretty foreign to me.” She got quiet, but Jacob had a feeling that she had more to say so he remained silent. Bella tucked her legs under her and dragged her arms under her legs while her gaze had turned sad and gained a far away quality to it. When she finally continued, her voice was just above a whisper and vulnerable, “I’ve always felt so different from everyone else, like I don’t fit in anywhere I go. I feel like a freak sometimes.” Her voice wavered and she almost choked on the word ‘freak’.
He took a deep breath and scooted closer to her to hold her, enveloping her in a measured hug, just tight enough that he wasn’t crushing her as he considered what to say in response. For a moment, she’d seized in his arms before relaxing, pressing her forehead into his chest. Finally, he said to her, “I can’t say I’ve ever quite felt like that, but I do get it. I mean, like you said, apparently, I’m not really that secure in my friendships when it comes to my friends having other friends, and I know that it isn’t necessarily healthy, but that’s the point, right? I don’t think we’re supposed to have everything figured out just yet. We’re still kids, kind of anyway. Anyone who says high school are your best years definitely peaked, so don’t listen to all that trash.” He stopped and blushed once he realized he was starting to ramble. “What I’m trying to say is, maybe we can suck at being friends together, and help each other get better at it?”
From inside his embrace, she nodded her head, letting herself be hugged for beat longer before she pulled back and replied, “I know we haven’t really known each other for a long time, but I’ve enjoyed hanging out with you and I don’t know if it’s my underdeveloped ability to have friends, but I trust you too. So, yeah, as far as I concerned, we’re already friends.” She paused and grinned, “If you don’t let it get to your head, I’d even wager that you’re on track to be my best friend.”
He grinned back, “I mean, from what you’ve told me I don’t have much competition, so I better be your best friend before the end of the semester, otherwise I’m either doing something wrong, or your friendship skills are severely stunted.”
They laughed and eventually she agreed to hanging out with his friends, but only on the condition that they agreed first. He’d texted Sam and made sure to add the tidbit about it being good litmus test for everyone’s control, figuring it would go a long way to getting him to agree. A good half hour later he’d agreed and let the rest of the pack know.
They drove there in her truck, and she had been worrying her lip the whole drive there; he was half convinced she would gnaw a hole through it but kept his amusement to himself. She was acting like she knew she was going to spend the evening with a pack of werewolves and her anxiety was a direct reaction to that knowledge and it amused him to no end thinking about what levels of concern she would have if she did know. Ha! She’d definitely bite straight through her lip then.
At the beach, he introduced her to his pack brothers and watched each of their interactions as the night went on.
As expected, she took a liking to Quil and Jared, after all they were easy to like and get along with, what with their easy going demeanors and ease of joking. Quil sat next to her, and they discussed some shared interests with shared smiles, while Jared would interrupt every so often with a joke. She seemed to be wary of Paul, and really, he couldn’t blame her; poor Paul was nervous most of the night and showed it with what appeared to be permanent scowl on his face though by the end of the evening, she’d managed to win him over too when she asked him about MMA, a hobby of his he’d stopped after first shifting. Just talking about seemed to relax him and she commented on how impressive it was that he was so dedicated to such an interesting and challenging pastime.
Sam had been pretty quiet most of the night, just quietly taking in all of their interactions, but eventually he joined the conversation when it turned to how she was liking her new school. Very slyly, he’d gotten her to open up about some of her frustrations about it, and inevitably she brought up Cullen. Much like when she’d first told him, she voiced her frustrations about the leech’s overreaction to her mere presence and brought up his request to switch classes. She made a comment about how reserved the Cullens were and how a lot of the student body had a silent awe and admiration for them that was tempered by equal amounts of unease and jealousy.
“That’s not hard to believe. The Cullens are arrogant, rich assholes. Classic rich kids syndrome if you ask me,” Jared piped in, ignoring the warning look that Sam shot him.
“You know them?” she asked with intrigue.
Jared’s response was an eyeroll follow by, “Not directly, thankfully. But one hears things.”
Bella’s expression flashed with indignation for a moment before she schooled it back to a neutral one, “My dad says a lot of people judge them unfairly, and that they’ve never caused any trouble… he has pretty good judgement being a cop and all. So, I don’t know, maybe people are just jealous of them? It’s not their fault they’re rich, and it really doesn’t seem all that fair for people to judge them based on something so superficial. I know I’m new around here and maybe it’s just comradeship between newcomers, but I don’t particularly want to sit around listening to you all bad mouth people you don’t know in case you do the same thing and bad mouth me too.”
Jacob was stunned by her fierceness. He got the feeling that she wasn’t defending the Cullens as much as she was standing up against the thought of talking behind someone’s back, especially when one didn’t know the subject. After a moment, he threw a furtive glance at Paul to make sure he wasn’t losing his cool but found that he looked mildly impressed with just a twinge of irritation. If Bella knew what the Cullens truly were he was sure she wouldn’t be so quick to defend them or to judge the wolfpack too harshly for thinking the way they did.
“We wouldn’t do that,” Quil finally said quietly, “We’re not like that. You just don’t know what we do.”
Sam and Jacob snapped their heads in his direction. “Quil!” They both said in similar admonishing tones. Bella wasn’t going to let a comment like that slide by, and he was on the precipice of saying too much, dangerously close.
“I thought you guys said you didn’t know them?” Bella countered with narrowed eyes.
Sam’s gaze was like a pair of lasers on Quil, but they both knew that he couldn’t interrupt and force him to stop without making Bella more suspicious about the whole situation. “We don’t, not directly. But there’s bad blood between them and our tribe—”
“Dammit Quil, shut your mouth!” Paul finally said anger clear in his voice, Sam and Jacob exchanged a mildly worried look between them, but he didn’t seem to be losing control. “This doesn’t concern her, so don’t go spreading our business to outsiders!”
It was that final statement that ended the conversation. Bella looked more hurt by that final word than the sum of the entire conversation. And after their previous conversation, Jacob knew that Paul managed to hurt her deeply, in her biggest insecurity without trying to.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset anyone. I’m going to…go. Again, I’m so sorry,” Bella’s voice waivered as she stood up slowly and made a point of looking at the ground, purposefully ignoring everyone’s gaze.
“Bella,” Jacob said as he followed after her, “don’t go. Come on, just stay a little bit more. It’s not a big deal, it’s just a sensitive subject, but no one is actually upset with you.”
She still didn’t turn around, but she stopped and sighed, “No, Jake, it’s fine. Really. It’s a school night anyway, so I better head home anyway.”
He looked behind them to shoot Paul a nasty glare, and he had enough sense to look ashamed. “Fine, can you give me a lift back to my place then?”
At this she finally turned around and softly said, “Don’t leave on my account. Please. I don’t want you to be on bad standing with your friends just because of me. I’ll text you later. It’s fine, we’re fine.” She said all of this like she was trying to convince herself more than him.
He rolled his eyes and grabbed her shoulders, turning her around towards the parking lot and started marching her forward as he called behind him, “I’ll see you guys later. See if you can find some manners before then!”
Jared laughed loudly and called back, “Not likely! Bring her around more often, I think she’s hilarious!”
Bella looked confused over her shoulder and meekly waved at the wolves.
Once they were in the truck, she stared straight ahead, hands wrapped around the steering wheel before saying, “I have no idea what just happened.”
Jacob laughed softly, “Join the club.”
“I’m serious Jake! I didn’t mean to offend your friends, really! I just got so upset because I’m sure everyone has been talking behind my back and speculating why I moved to Forks and making wild assumptions about me, and I just kind of lost it. I didn’t mean to bring up…” she hesitated, and then she turned the engine over with a roar. When they were on the road to his house, she finally found the courage to ask what he knew must have been eating at her. “Jake? When I asked you about the Cullens you said you didn’t know anything, but it kind of sounds like you do. Why did you lie to me?” Her voice was soft and almost was lost over the sound of the loud engine.
He sighed and opened and closed his mouth multiple times without finding a good place to start, “I didn’t want to,” the words sounded like an excuse even to his own ears and he winced and modified by adding, “we’re not really supposed to talk about it. Really, it’s dumb.”
The majority of the ride to his house he’d been scrambling to produce a plausible reason to explain everything without getting too close to the truth. So, when she said, “If it’s so dumb, can I know? Or is it really some tribe secret?” he had answer ready for her.
“Both, technically. Not everyone is… aware of the history that we have with them. Mostly just the family’s of the tribal elders. I can’t really say anything either, but you’re smart. Just think about this: we’re a relatively small tribe and they’re a rich white family.” Internally, he winced at having to play the victim of colonization, but it seemed like the only answer that might keep her from asking too many more questions.
“But I thought they just moved here?” she asked as she parked outside his house.
“Families grow and change with time, but our people remember,” he answered cryptically. It was answering her question enough without quite lying to her either.
She remained quiet but nodded thoughtfully. After another moment, she turned away from him and instead faced the window, “I really mucked things up with your friends, didn’t I?”
Her voice was small and laced with hurt, and loneliness. It was heartbreaking, but he resisted his immediate instinct to lie and say that things were fine. If there was something that he’d learned about Bella this past month, it was that she didn’t take kindly to lies. It was bad enough that he had to lie through omission about the wolf pack, but to not even be able to warn her about the bloodsuckers that she went to school made it infinitely worse; so, he resolved to not lie to her if it could be avoided to make up for that. Instead, he sighed and scratched the back of his neck, “No, it’s not that. Things are… complicated. We don’t do well with outsiders, and I should have prepared you better for them.” She still looked self-conscious and unsure, so he opened his arms and muttered, “C’mere.”
Bella’s lips quivered and she fell into his chest as they embraced again, much like earlier. He tucked her small frame in his arms and pressed his chin to the top of her head, sighing softly, “It’s going to be alright. I think we both are just emotionally stunted idiots who need to work on friendships and social situations, right?”
A muffled half-laughed against his chest seemed to agree with him.
After another moment she retreated, thanked him for everything and he returned home, watching her drive off from under the tree next to the house.
⁂
In the morning, he annoyingly went over everything with a distracted Sam— he’d had to repeat certain details twice and he could tell that the older boy wasn’t all that present for the conversation. Whether that was because of the lack of sleep—because the deep shadows under his eyes clearly told him that Sam had slept very little to not at all— or because he was so stressed about the Emily Imprinting situation he didn’t know. Though he supposed there was no reason to assume that the latter didn’t cause the former.
Regardless of the reason, it was clear that Sam wasn’t completely paying attention and the whole conversation took longer than Jacob would have liked to finish. He would have liked to take his own car so he wouldn’t feel like a burden to Sam, but seeing as he was still missing a few necessary pieces, there were little choices, and he didn’t feel like explaining to his dad why he was going to be following around Bella until there was more information to go on. No need for him to needlessly worry, or worse, cause another rift between himself and Charlie. Especially since there was no evidence that anything untoward was happening (neither by human rules nor by their supernatural ones).
So, there he was, taking Sam’s truck to a quiet and hidden patch of road where he could hide it from the road. Despite not being allowed to shift, he found that walking in the woods in his human form was quite enjoyable as well. But this wasn’t just a stroll in the woods, he reminded himself, this was a mission, so he walked with purpose and hurried to the edge to woods by the school, making sure that the was out of sight.
He'd worn an old, army green rain jacket that did little to actually keep heavy rainfall out but was mostly fine against the fine drizzle that was falling now. It seemed that in his anxiousness, he’d arrived earlier than he expected and there were hardly any vehicles in the lot. Taking advantage of the lack of people, he followed the edge of the woods as much as he could to take the school in. Even at this distance, he knew that bloodsuckers attended the school, he could smell them. The spots he’d chosen were, purposefully, downwind to avoid giving himself up. It was faint but it lingered like tobacco might cling to the walls of a smoker’s home. He knew what to expect based on the stories of the Cold Ones, but even armed with the knowledge, the faint sickly-sweet burn that greeted him was a surprise.
He focused on the smell, trying to discern how many of them there was, or if he could dissect the overall smell and smell their individual scents, but it was too faint to really get a whiff of anything more than the burning sensation that made the wolf in him anxious and defensive.
After getting a better idea of where the various entrances and exits were on the school, and having a route that might allow him to spot which way Bella was heading to class, he returned to his initial area to watch the students drive in and stand around before class. A peak at his wristwatch told him that there was plenty of time before their first class, but he wanted to see if the leeches had already arrived.
They hadn’t. But Bella had just pulled in, the massive, red Chevy impossible to miss. He smiled, reminded himself that he couldn’t make himself known, but laughed softly when he noticed that as people waved at Bella, she awkwardly waved back, clearly not knowing anyone she’d just greeted. Still, he was able to follow her general path by catching glances of her as she moved passed windows. Once he had a better idea of where she was, he returned his gaze to the parking lot, where two newly parked vehicles caught his eye.
They had to be the bloodsuckers’ cars. No one else at the school, hell the town, would be driving such expensive cars. He only paid enough attention to the cars to appreciate them and added another reason to the long and extensive list of why he hated the leeches. Unapologetically flaunting their wealth while living in a relatively poor town just rubbed him the wrong way. But before he could continue to add the to list, he saw them, he smelled them.
Leading the way was a tall, made-of stone-muscled one, his hair dark and in curls. He almost seemed like a bodyguard to the leech by his side. She was tall, but not nearly as towering as he was. Lond blonde hair waving down her back and a posture that simultaneously yelled confidence and irritation. Next was a small, pixie-like one that reminded him of a hummingbird. She was nearly two feet smaller than the burly one, but he knew better than to think that she was any less dangerous than him. Her hair stuck out in every direction and the way she walked almost seemed like she was gliding towards a dance. She held out her hand behind her and it was immediately grabbed by the next leech. Immediately, Jacob’s body tensed as everything about this vampire screamed ‘soldier’. There were scars peaking out from his jacket on his throat, and almost any free skin that Jacob could see, save his face.
The vampire holding up the rear of their troupe was tall, not as tall as either of the other males, but taller than the Barbie-wannabe and much taller than the small bird-like one. His hair was bronzed even in the overcast morning light, and he knew instinctively that this was the one that Bella had mentioned. Edward Cullen.
Maybe it was because it was so obvious that the other four only had eyes for another leech within their group, or just the way that they all seemed to be glancing back at him in different ways, from worry to irritation.
So, he came back.
Jacob decided that this reconnaissance mission was definitely a smart decision.
⁂
When the school bell rang, he waited for Bella to leave, (she’d clearly been distracted and only barely managed to avoid hitting another car on her way out) for the leeches to all leave and make sure they weren’t headed in Bella’s direction before he returned to Sam’s truck and made his way back home.
He’d barely made it to Sam’s when he received Bella’s text.
As expected, she filled him in on the fact that he’d returned, but also on the clear change of attitude from that of the previous week. He told her that he could call her to discuss what had happened if she gave him half an hour, to which she agreed. In the meantime, he shifted and ran home, wanting to write down all of his observations before they were tainted by anything that Bella might say, he kept some things to himself, private observations about his friend that made him smile. Like the way she visibly cringed away from the slurry of snow and the crowds who were sloshing each other with it, or the way that she was more comfortable with her female friends than her male friends. Though that might be because all the guys he’d seen approach her had a look in their eyes that broadcasted their intentions quite clearly.
After he’d finished, he called Bella back as he’d promised and pretended to be shocked at the news that Edward Cullen had returned to school.
He’d seen them through a window when they were in Biology, but obviously couldn’t hear what was happening, not could he read their expressions and body language with much accuracy given the distance, but he was trying to only observe and not make any assumptions, so he cleared his mind and had only taken in the sigh before him without injecting his bias and thoughts into the situation. Now that she was talking to him, Jacob could fill the conversation that he couldn’t hear. Based on the way she talked about it, she couldn’t understand why there was the sudden shift of attitude, but others had noticed too, including a jealous Mike Newton, a sandy-haired boy who was clearly interested in Bella.
Jacob made notes about her conversation with the leech and was careful not to ask anything that might raise her suspicion. Based on her observations alone, he might need to be more careful about his own secret, given that she had caught onto some of the peculiarities of the bloodsucker, but that made him nervous. If he could see that she was putting things together, even though she clearly didn’t know just what she was building towards, then the bloodsucker would too, and Jacob didn’t know how much danger that put her in, but the number wasn’t zero and that worried him.
Long after their conversation, Jacob had reported back to Sam, who agreed that finding out more about the Cullens was important, especially since it seemed that leech who had taken an interest in his friend seemed to be conflicted on whether he would ignore her or question her at length. Regardless, Jacob would try to poison Bella against them, slowly if he must and through logic so that she would be safe from them.
⁂
The following morning greeted him in with a colder front than the previous week and noticed the thick cloud billow from his lips as he took a breath. He’d have to be more careful to avoid being seen then. As he marched through the woods he noticed the beauty in the back of his mind, the way that the snow from the previous night had melted at some point but had re-frozen into icicles on tree branches, or simple ice caps around stones. There was a crunching sound as he stepped that wasn’t like the crunching of leaves, but rather the crunching sound of glass, or ice in this case, as he walked over icy patches of grass and moss.
Beautiful though it might be here in the woods, he knew how treacherous these same conditions made the streets and roads. He’d had to add snow chains to Sam’s truck to avoid skidding on patches of black ice on the road. It had added to his time and this time when he settled against the tree and rock he’d used the previous morning, the Cullens had already arrived in two separate cars like they had the previous day. They were a silver Volvo and a red Jeep Wrangler. Perhaps to the untrained eye, the Volvo might be seen as an everyday car, but anyone who knew enough about cars knew that it cost a pretty penny to have that type of car.
‘Again,’ he repeated to himself, ‘what fucking assholes.’
The rumbling of a truck drew his attention from the leeches for a moment and he smiled softly as Bella drove into the parking lot, happy that she had the forethought to also add snow chains to her tires.
Her face was adorably focused on parking, as if the icy road conditions were personally offending her. Jacob hid his grin even if there was no one to see it and settled more comfortably on the rock having removed as much of the ice from it as he could. Something caught her eyes and she seemed to find Cullen with distinctive ease, like she was pulled to him, Jacob didn’t like it, but before he could form another thought, a high-pitched screech filled the air and became louder.
He snapped to his feet as saw the scene below him unfold.
A van had seemed drive and lose control over an icy patch of road, and then it skidded fast like a bullet straight for the very spot where Bella was standing.
Gasps and screams reached him, maybe his own was in the mix, but he couldn’t tear his eyes off Bella. Jacob had already maneuvered over the rock and had bolted out of the safety of the tree line and towards the scene in the parking lot. But before he could cry out, or jump, or do anything, to save her… a blur had shifted in front of his eyes and suddenly that Cullen, that leech, was there. Before rage could fill his veins, he heard the deafening crash of the van hitting Bella’s truck, and something else but not her. She disappeared from view, and he realized that the bloodsucker had pinned her to the ground and was holding out the van away from them.
Fear told him that she was dead, and that the bloodsucker was going to drain her before making it seem that the van had crushed her after all, but his senses told him that it wasn’t the case. There was no smell of blood, and then he heard the leech speak, asking her if she was alright.
She was alive.
He let out a breath he wasn’t are he’d been holding. And stayed low to the ground. Listening to the conversation and situation unfolding in front of him, but not making himself know just yet. Sam’s instructions had been clear, and truth be told, if it weren’t for the leech that had gotten to Bella in time, he wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t have broken the rules and phased into wolf form to save her. That was a dangerous thought, but he knew it to be true. He’d protect Bella like family. Something, maybe the wolf itself, told him that the increased feelings he felt for her was due to the phasing, the fact that something in him saw her as pack even if she wasn’t either family or Quileute.
Jacob watched from behind another rock as paramedics took Bella away on a stretcher, he could smell her fear, no, her embarrassment from where he stood, and felt relief. If she was conscious enough to worry about people looking at her, she would be fine, silly girl.
Just then he noticed the vampire stand noticeably straighter and turn his head almost imperceptibly towards where Jacob was hiding.
He pressed himself further down towards the ground and held his breath, hoping that he wasn’t seen, he knew that he was still downwind, that and the added mist-like drizzle would have dissipated his scent, even he was having trouble picking up the vamp’s smell through all of the teenage-fueled fear. So how had he been seen?
Jacob wasn’t stupid enough to believe that he hadn’t been spotted. But what to do now? Confrontation was out of the question, Sam had been clear, but he had to do something right? He tried to see what the other bloodsuckers were doing but found that they had already peeled away from the lot. Maybe when the ambulance was coming in? Damn, he couldn’t lose sight of this one then. The bloodsucker was tense even as he convinced the paramedics that he was fine, he’d charmed his way to the front of the ambulance and Bella, now secure in the stretcher in the back, looked to be annoyed by this. She’d definitely be fine, if she wasn’t already, he mused to himself. Charlie had arrived soon after and was worrying over Bella and made his intent to follow the ambulance clear.
But as the ambulance pulled away, he realized that this meant they were going to Forks Hospital, where Jacob already knew that the vampire’s leader worked.
Fuck.
That wasn’t good. Clearly, Bella was no fool, and she didn’t seem convinced of the lies that the Cullen who’d saved her was feeding her. She was questioning how the hell he’d crossed such a distance in the blink of an eye, and he wasn’t providing any satisfactory answers. Would they admit her and falsify documentation, maybe a traumatic brain injury or an injury to her spinal cord? Make it seem like she had been hurt more than it seemed? He wouldn’t put it beneath them.
He began to run towards the hospital.
As he ran, he called Sam to tell him of his worries, knowing that the Alpha wouldn’t be happy that he was getting closer to the targets, but knew that he understood his worries. “Jacob do not phase, no matter what. But do what you have to do to make sure that Bella Swan arrives at that hospital safe and sound. If you can find a way to get to her side, do not leave it until her father takes her home.”
As if Jacob would do anything less than that. Even at a full run, his human body was no match for his wolf speed and didn’t arrive at the hospital until the ambulance had already arrived and had been unloaded. The chief’s cruiser was also already there.
As entered the hospital though, he could tell that besides Edward, he spat the name out in his mind, there was at least one other vampire at the hospital. The sweet-scalding smell of vampire had a unique twist for each of them after all.
‘The doctor,’ he thought with a growl.
But there was a third scent that seemed to fill the hospital. It wasn’t the antiseptic, hospital-like smell, no it was different. It almost reminded him of the woods. But he shook his head clear of the smell and focused on finding Bella.
When he asked the receptionist for information, he was told none too kindly that she could only release information to family and didn’t bother asking if he was. But he knew that he wasn’t going to be told anything, he was only there to overhear any information he could use.
But… that smell… it captivated his attention again and it pulled him away from his searching.
It seemed to draw him towards it… almost hypnotically.
Sounds started swimming and took a dream-like quality around him. He knew he had to find Bella, but this seemed more important somehow. And almost without his permission, his body followed the scent. He arrived at a different part of the hospital and the scent didn’t seem as strong nor as fresh, but it seemed to live in the walls he continued towards it, thoughtlessly.
It was an office, one of the many doctors of course, but he scurried inside before he could be seen. Surely, his nose was leading him here for a reason. There was something important hidden here. Something that wanted to be found.
The office was simple enough; two chairs sitting on one side of a desk, a much more comfortable chair on the other. There was a coat rack on one corner, with a thick, warm looking pea coat, and the softest looking Prussian blue scarf almost falling off a hook.
He shook his head and continued to look around, looking for something, anything out of place. But there wasn’t anything that really caught his attention. It was mundane. Just another office.
But…
But that scent. It was everywhere and it stirred something inside him that he couldn’t quite name. It almost made him dizzy. He moved to the other side of the desk to look, to find the source of the smell when the scarf started to slip off the hook and almost glided to the ground.
At the same time, two things occurred.
He caught the soft material in his hands and was instantly enveloped by the smell, that same intoxicating scent that was driving him insane. And the door handle turned and allowed entry to the person on the other side.
Unintentionally, he grasped the scarf tighter in his hands as he prepared to push past whoever was entering the office. He was ready to grab the door, swing it completely open and rush past the unsuspecting doctor who was entering when he froze in place.
That smell, the one he had been hunting, was now stronger and its owner was staring at him with molten gold eyes, soft and kind.
“Hello, you must be Jacob Black,” the soft voice of Carlisle Cullen filled the room, filled his every thought, his every fucking sense…
And everything that Jacob knew, or thought he knew, crashed around him as their gazes met.
Notes:
*insert dramatic reveal music here*
So... how's that for a cliffhanger?
Don't throw tomatoes in the comments please and thank you! I bruise easily
I really hope you all enjoyed this chapter and again a very happy birthday to the bestest friend that anyone could possibly ask for! I LOVE YOU
Chapter 9: In The Woods Somewhere
Notes:
As the Spring Equinox is upon us, so too is a new perspective!
Thank you everyone for your continued support and patience as I wrote this new chapter.
Truthfully, I've been struggling with my mental/emotional state lately and reading your reviews and seeing the all the Kudos you've all left have really helped, it makes me feel like I have a purpose, y'know?
(also shoutout to @Kurodamari for being the 100th Kudos! I still can't believe that people are reading and enjoying my fanfic, but over 100?? You guys rock!!!)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Carlisle
He could count in his hand the times when he wished he could rest—truly rest, to sleep and dream— throughout his extended lifetime. Today, this past week really, had been one of those times. Carlisle sighed softly and reclined back in the plush chair in his study. So many things had occurred today, this past week really, all of them seemingly out of his family’s, of his, control.
First there was Edward. His poor son… where even to start with him? He’d never been perfect, not that he expected that of him or any of his children, but he knew how much Edward wished to live up to Carlisle’s expectations and lifestyle. And this human girl, ordinary in so many ways threatened the carefully built life that they had set up here in Forks. It wasn’t really her fault, after all, what power did she have over her blood’s scent, or how strongly it appealed to Edward? None at all.
His impression of the young girl was overall positive. She was certainly interesting; her combined intuition and suspicion made him certain that when she’d fed him Edward’s lie about being next to her, she’d done so to gauge if he would lie to her too. Of course he had done so, but there was no malice in his actions. He needed to protect his family, more often than not, lying was a necessary thing to keep them all safe. Besides, Edward was convinced that he could persuade her to let it go and that was enough for Carlisle, at least for now.
The house was quiet, as everyone had dispersed after the tense discussion they’d had once everyone had returned. The first thing he’d done was make sure that the school would excuse them due to ‘stressing about their brother’s health’ and he’d taken the rest of the day off, claiming similar distress.
Edward, Alice, and Jasper were hunting, in part to help release all of the nervous energy that they’d built up; though he suspected that Alice had only tagged along to help improve Edward’s humor and Jasper… his newest son had been in many ways a puzzle. It could be as simple as Jasper wanting to accompany his mate, but instinct told Carlisle that it was deeper than that. And as the member in their family newest to their diet and lifestyle, he understood Edward’s current struggle better than the rest of them; and after the confrontation he and Edward had earlier, spending time together would be helpful in helping them overcome their differences in thought and hopefully bridge them.
Rosalie had been apoplectic about the whole situation, and while they could all see when she was coming from, as Edward had potentially risked their livelihoods by exposing them, she had always been good at blowing things out of proportion, and this was definitely one of those times. Things had gotten heated, and it was only after he stepped in and reminded her and Jasper that Edward was going to take care of the issue, that she scoffed and stomped away with Emmett glancing slightly apologetically towards everyone.
Jasper had taken longer to convince, but that was mostly because he actually wanted to understand the plan and Edward’s thought process. Carlisle knew that his newest son struggled with their so-called vegetarian diet the most and being given the opportunity to humanize the situation would only benefit. But given how high-strung the situation was, Edward excused himself to hunt with Alice and Jasper in tow.
Sweet Esme had been torn between who to follow and looked to him with guilt, “I should have enrolled too. It was selfish to enroll in university classes instead of high school with them.”
Carlisle had shaken his head, “Not at all. You know the only reason that Emmett didn’t do the same was because Rose wanted to stay here in Forks for longer. Besides, your presence wouldn’t have made that much of a difference with today’s events. This is Edward’s burden to figure out, and his alone. We can only do our part as his family and offer him support.”
She’d gnawed at her lip, a leftover nervous habit from her human days, “I know. Still, I wish I would be home more often given all of the recent developments. It’s not like I need another degree, I just really didn’t want to repeat high school so soon…” she’d gotten quiet and became pensive for a moment, freezing like marble bust as she had the habit of doing.
He’d let her think and offered a silent smile. Carlisle knew it wasn’t easy for them to start over in a new town and to fall into new family configurations each time, but this was one they hadn’t done in a long while. The young adoptive father of three adolescent siblings and his own orphaned younger siblings. Alice, Edward, and Emmett played his adoptive children while Esme, Rosalie, and Jasper his younger siblings. The story was that their parents had passed in a sudden car accident after Carlisle had already adopted the trio of siblings, and unwilling to let his younger siblings go into foster care at their age, he took them in too.
Esme had taken a deep breath, and he’d returned his attention to her.
“I’m going to drop out of classes. I’ll come back home and take a more hands-on role with the Platt-Hale Safe Haven. It’ll grant me the chance to stay closer to you all, and it might temper some of Rose’s anger too if I can convince her to accompany me every so often.”
The Platt-Hale Save Haven was Esme and Rosalie’s brainchild, and Carlisle’s gift to them. It was a charity organization for battered women and children that ran across the nation. They had multiple over 500 safe homes in the network, including multiple shelters in major cities. Rosalie and Esme had always served as silent partners at the organization but often volunteered at the nearest shelter to wherever they were living at the time under false names. It gave them purpose, Rose more so, and it had done wonders in allowing her to forgive Carlisle for the existence he’d forced upon her. He didn’t necessarily regret changing any of his family or inviting them to stay in the case of Alice and Jasper, but all these years later, he did heavily regret not being able to give them a choice otherwise. It was a headache of a situation because he’d never turn someone who had another choice in the first place, but he knew that this new regret had blossomed from Rosalie’s resentment. After she had raged and raged, he’d vowed to never turn someone again, and with the exception of Emmett who had been turned due to Rosalie’s agony filled begging, he hadn’t turned anyone since then, since 1935.
“I think that’s a wonderful idea. You two have always flourished when working with the shelters, and I do agree that it would help keep Rosalie’s mind off situation with Edward and Ms. Swan.”
She’d smiled and nodded as she put her hand gently on his shoulder, “I’ll catch up with Emmett and Rose, I’m sure he’ll appreciate having help to calm her down, just like I’m sure that this will give you some time alone to journal and enjoy the peace and quiet for a while.”
He had smiled in return and patted the top of her hand before she bounded away and rose to walk to his study. Esme had been right; this was the perfect opportunity to journal and straighten any errant thought.
As wonderful as Edward’s gift was, it was nice to be able to be able to sit with his own thoughts without worry of intrusion. He finished writing his last thoughts on the dispute that they’d had over Isabella Swan and capped his pen with a soft click.
Carlisle’s stared at the drying ink, watching it settle into the fibers of the page as he tried to organize his thoughts about the next order of business.
Jacob Black.
He laced his fingers together and pressed his lips to the laced fingers, deep in thought. There were many trains of thought that came to mind about the young man, and he found his mind in disarray over where to start.
Regardless, of where he needed to start, he knew he needed to. There was no guarantee of when Edward and the others would return, and he would like to enjoy the opportunity to think freely and rearrange his thoughts as much as possible. It was enough that Edward was struggling with his control around the human girl, it would help no one for him to be distracted about the wolves too. Until Carlisle could discern if they were at odds with the Quileutes, he would keep his family at bay.
After a sigh, he uncapped the pen and let his thoughts flow freely against the paper, letting his mind dictate the order of his concerns.
Edward arrived with the ambulance to the hospital and as soon as he found me, he’d had two concerns, Bella Swan, and the possibility of a wolf showing up to the hospital in a rage. He’d told me how the wolf’s thoughts had drifted into his consciousness when he started worrying more and more about Bella and thinking about changing into wolf form and thinking none too kindly about vampires. Based on Bella’s description of her ‘friend in the reservation Jacob Black’ there was no doubt that it was him. As mentioned earlier, Rosalie arrived not too long after and I told Edward to keep the Jacob information to himself until we could ascertain what Bella would say and how injured she was.
After Bella was checked and cleared to return home, Rosalie was told to return home too, under Edward’s supervision, to keep either of them from following the girl. There was still no sign of Jacob Black, no strong odor to alert him of his presence or otherwise, so he cleared his schedule and headed back to his office with the intention of calling Billy Black and hopefully smooth things over before they grew out of proportion and any misunderstandings were made.
The path to his office was peppered with the smell of antiseptic, the strong perfume of Dr. Priya (who incidentally only started wearing it a couple of weeks after someone made it known that he was single), the lingering scent of sickness from the ER, but more surprisingly… the sweet smell of the woods, not the woods of Forks though, it was the woods of his youth. It was the most peculiar thing.
His train of thought was interrupted by the noise of someone pacing in his office.
Ah.
It seemed that Jacob Black had indeed made his way to the hospital after all. Strange that Carlisle could not smell him though… perhaps he hadn’t shifted yet? That was an interesting thing to consider.
Regardless of that, he approached the door and relaxed into his least threatening stance, hoping that this wouldn’t turn into a scene. He turned the door handle and took in the vision that greeted him. The young man in front of him had clearly phased already; he was impossibly tall and the sinewy muscles he bore seemed to support that as well. Maybe after some generations the scent had disappeared? How interesting these creatures were! Jacob, surely it was him as he bore a resemblance to his grandfather, had his hand coiled tightly on his scarf which had started slipping from its hook. The cashmere was crushed under the shaking hand of the nervous young man, and every muscle had visibly tightened at Carlisle’s entrance.
Poor Jacob must have been anxious having been caught snooping in the office of a vampire.
After a beat, in a soft voice, full of peace, he greeted the young man, “Hello, Jacob.”
He hoped that his tone and expression were enough to convey that he was not a threat and that he didn’t consider him a threat either. For the sake of his family this had to have a diplomatic solution.
The young man in front of him tensed even more, his muscles stretched to their limits, there was a slight tremble to his whole body.
Carlisle slowly raised his hands to show that he meant no harm, the human universal sign of peace and vulnerability. “I’m sorry if I startled you, I assure you that wasn’t my intention. I only mean to assuage you on the events regarding your friend, Ms. Swan.”
At this his head snapped towards him and there was a barely hidden snarl, and after centuries of observing human behavior, it was easy to see that the young man wanted to say something, to snap something rude at him and lash out, but for whatever reason he was holding it all back. Instead, he very tersely shoved passed Carlisle, and in a seething, tone just hissed, “If anything happens to her, you and your pack of bloodsuckers are dead.”
For a moment, Carlisle was stunned, and Jacob had taken advantage of that moment to march quickly to the nearest exit and then sprint away.
It took several more moments for Carlisle to recognize two facts.
One, Jacob had either intentionally or unintentionally, taken his favorite cashmere scarf with him (though based on the young man’s body language he was leaning towards the latter).
And two, Jacob was the source of that unplaced wood scent earlier.
But how?
That was as far as he’d let himself think of that in the hospital. He had more pressing matters to attend to and couldn’t afford to be distracted with his family potentially at stake, especially with Edward. But now he had time to think about everything that his realization could possibly mean.
It was impossible that Jacob smelled that way due to a recent visit, mainly because that wilderness was no longer there. The London of his youth didn’t exist anymore. The city had grown so much that the surrounding wilderness of his youth didn’t exist but, in his memories, the smell of it didn’t exist anymore, not in modern London anyway. One would have to wander the countryside to find something nearing it. The smell of the city had been horrid and putrid, though thankfully his parish and dwelling had been far from the main city and closer to the outskirts of it to provide a respite from the offending smells that everyone had grown accustomed to.
The woods were just over a small stream, and he had spent many afternoons pressed against the bark of a tree writing musings and sermons. It was peace away from his life, away from his father’s hateful and fearful views. Those woods had become his refuge, in so many ways, especially after he had been turned. It was in those woods that he had hidden away after his turning and learned that there was another possible way of existing than on human blood. It had been his haven, and he knew in his heart of hearts, that he would never forget its comforting and familiar smells.
Whis is why he couldn’t understand how Jacob Black smelled like a place that didn’t exist anymore.
Carlisle couldn’t quite put into words what that scent made him feel, nor what his encounter with the young man had stirred in him. The only safe word that came to mind was innate curiosity. Though he was not… ‘living’ even by his own definition, in his long existence, there were few beings who had piqued his interest as quickly as Jacob had done. There was a part of him, tied closest to his compassionate nature that led him to become a doctor in the first place, that was concerned at the spark of interest that had flared within him. He didn’t want to swell too long as to why this could possibly be, not now anyhow. But there was another part of him that seemed to come alive at the thought of getting to know more about Jacob Black.
This was scientific curiosity, he reasoned with himself. His thirst for knowledge was well known after all. This is what had led him to seek out the Volturi and stay with them long after he knew their lifestyles were not at all compatible, and to seek a life amongst humans.
Yes, that must certainly be it. He knew of the wolves from their previous encounters, and surely he had been curious about their supernatural existence as much as he had been about his own. Perhaps if this situation could be salvaged and they could earn the trust of the Quileutes this time around, there might be more they could learn from one another… if only prejudices could be so easily overcome.
He sighed and put down the journal. What a situation to be in.
It was certain that he would need to reach out to Billy Black and hopefully fix the tensions that this incident had obviously created, and he wasn’t looking forward to that conversation. Billy was clearly distrustful of him and his family, and today’s events would do them no favors out of context. Hopefully, the peace that he had cultivated with the pack previously would be maintained, if only updated. In his innermost mind he thought privately, ‘And perhaps learn more about the wolves and see if all the wolves carried that intoxicating smell of home with them.’
After tidying his office once more, he looked to the dark woods and thought about joining his family on a hunt, perhaps it’s what they all needed. He made his way towards the general direction in which Edward, Alice and Jasper had run off to and let his addled thoughts about Jacob Black fall into the background of his mind, safe from his own speculation and even more so from Edward’s ever-knowing mind.
⁂
Despite being able to successfully put Jacob and the wolves out of his mind, the sudden reminder of home had his mind pulled towards his beginnings throughout the night. Even as his family slowly returned to their home and rifts were begrudgingly repaired with humor (Emmet and Alice’s doing), sarcasm (Edward and Rosealie’s doing), and refereeing (a mix between Esme’s natural placating and Jasper’s supernatural assistance).
Rosalie and Esme had bounded to Esme’s room to plan their visit to a shelter over several weekends.
Emmett and Jasper were watching multiple sporting events simultaneously and placing bets letting their competitive streaks shine and battle it out with excited hoots and disappointed and indignant groans.
Alice had been banned from participating, obviously. So, she’d shifted her attentions and began bothering Edward until he conceded and played chess with her.
Carlisle was content with watching them play and letting his mind wander back to his youth. He had never imagined that a family as wonderful as this would ever be possible for him. His father had not been particularly kind, nor loving. Gideon Cullen had been a severe man who always reminded him and their church’s parishioners that they were imperfect sinners and that they must repent and atone. He had long since forgiven his father for his cruel manners and cold and distant ways.
Forgiveness had been a balm against the bitter bite of resentment in his first years as a vampire as he came to terms with what he was, but more importantly who he was.
Gideon had been without mercy, and without a word of praise for his only son. His cruelty had never seeped into Carlisle, and he seemed resentful of that fact, that no matter what doled out, Carlisle’s compassion and kindness would always win out. The old man had died bitter and disappointed in him, and with enough time and distance, this fact made Carlisle feel like he’d won in the end.
When Gideon was too old and too sick to lead his witch and monster hunts any longer, it fell to Carlisle to do so. He’d never much cared for them and found it to be the quickest way for innocents to die horrible deaths, and so he’d put them off until the pressure of the churchgoers was too much to ignore.
After many failed ventures, where he refused to call a widow a witch, or a young girl a demon, the tensions were too high to ignore.
So, he led the party to the sewers, where he’d observed strange comings and goings for weeks, in patterns that seemed to match when deaths were reported.
And he led them straight into the den of a coven. Even all these years later, he never learned just who this coven had been. But his every instinct had told him that they were more dangerous than they seemed and at the last moment, warned them with a shout, “Run! Run away, save yourselves!”
Faster than his eyes could track, they had flitted away into the shadows, but only after an older one with eyes as red as blood had looked at him fiercely and seemed to see into his very soul, flashed him a wry grin with a sharp twist of his lips, sharp teeth glistening off the torchlight. Without another warning, they had disappeared into the night.
Thankfully, the rest of the hunting party had assumed that he was warning them instead of their quarry and did not hold it against him, at least not after seeing the beasts seemingly disappear with inhuman speed into the darkness.
He often thought about what would have been of him had he not warned the coven.
Would he and his party have been slain where they stood? Powerless to stop a coven of vampires. How many casualties would have ensued? And what if by some miracle he’d survived? Would his father have been proud or even more disappointed? What if he’d been turned then and there? Would he have fallen prey to human blood with a coven who only knew to consume blood?
So many ‘what ifs’.
Edward scoffed good humoredly, without taking his eyes off the board, “Carlisle, you could never be anything but the caring and gentleman we all know you to be. That’s one thing that could never change.”
Alice snapped out of her vision, glancing at Carlisle with concern for a split second, until Edward smirked and took advantage of her distraction, taking her rook and placing her in check. “Hey! “No fair, that’s cheating,” she complained with a small pout, quickly evading his knight, and placing her concentration back in the game. Everyone else had slowly joined him in watching Alice and Edward, taking silent bets on who would win.
“Not my fault you couldn’t see it coming,” he uttered with a grin. Emmett laughed as Rosalie rolled her eyes. Jasper and Esme shared a look that seemed to say, ‘children, the lot of them.’
Carlisle smiled at his family. No, he’d never thought he’d ever have a family as wonderful as theirs, but he was glad that whatever roads he’s taken… they’d brought him here.
Notes:
I've been considering making a Discord for Carlisle/Jacob shippers |Twlilght lovers, but I don't know if that's something y'all would be interested in... so let me know! If so, I'll get started on it and update you guys soon.
As always, thank you for commenting, bookmarking, and just interacting with this fic at all. You are all amazing
Chapter 10: Still in My Mind
Notes:
A new chaper? In less than a month??
DON'T GET USED TO IT!
I couldn't sleep and I'm not working due to an injury so I had some time to spare.
That and my best friend is ABANDONING me and going across the globe to be an amazing humanitarian, as always thank you for being my inspiration and being such a wonderful person queen! So this is a farewell-for-now gift.
**** Important Note ****
This has gone from Not Rated to Mature.
If you don't care for trigger warnings and possible spoilers, continue to the chapter and enjoy! Please check the end notes for triggers. Additional tags have been added as well.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jacob
Theoretically, he knew it was possible he’d seen in and felt it within Sam’s mind after all, but the actual experience was mind-bending.
It was like feelings the rebirth of the universe. His whole world simultaneously exploded and reduced itself to a single point.
It went on and on and on… until his entire brain was alight and felt like it was coming apart at a cellular level.
In the golden eyes of the man—no, the monster— standing before him, he saw salvation… and the thought terrified him.
Fuck.
Jacob could feel his whole-body tremble as his instincts shouted conflicting things at him. On the one hand, there was the voice of reason that told him that there was a predator that had cornered him, and it begged him to protect himself, to shift, and to eliminate the threat. But another voice pleaded with everything it had to see the person in front of him, to embrace and to protect him instead.
The doctor—this was safer than any other label his brain could provide at the moment— began saying something and Jacob struggled to focus on his words as the war inside him continued to rage.
“—only mean to assuage you on the events regarding your friend, Ms. Swan.”
Immediately, Jacob snapped his head to concentrate on the doctor before him. A wave of emotions hit him again. Guilt, for forgetting his initial reason for coming to the hospital. Anger, because he couldn’t decipher the feelings and thoughts in his head. Protectiveness, because he was going to keep his friend safe from the leeches, no matter what.
He opened his mouth, to demand to know what happened, and where she was, and how she was… it was then that he realized that he hadn’t drawn a breath since the doctor had entered the room. Jacob was surrounded by the wonderful scent of the woods, of home again, and now there could be no denying that the source was the doctor in front of him. In an instant he changed his mind and decided that a threat and quick escape might be for the best.
“If anything happens to her, you and your pack of bloodsuckers are dead,” he hissed through his bared teeth and slipped passed the other so he could make his escape. Without any other thought he sprinted to the exit and didn’t stop running until he was past the hospital, and past the streets, and sparce houses until he was fully surrounded by trees and wilderness. His lungs burned and it wasn’t until he saw the turn off out of town that he remembered Sam’s truck and stopped.
Fuck.
Fuck!
What was he going to do? He couldn’t go back to the res, couldn’t face his pack, his dad after having…
He couldn’t even form the thought. It was unthinkable.
Jacob raised his arm to drag his hand across his face, but found it wrapped tightly around a scarf. ‘What…? How?’ he thought confused, not quite remembering what he was doing with a scarf, or how he came into possession of it.
Just as quickly though, he recalled reaching for it as it slipped off its hook…right before he came into the office. Making the scarf his.
Jesus fucking Christ!
Was it impossible for him to just catch a break from this? He had half a mind to leave it here in the middle of the woods, and almost relaxed his grip to do so…but he couldn’t quite bring himself to leave it. Call it being raised with good fucking manners, or whatever other excuse would work, but he stuffed it into his jacket pocket and pushed it out of mind.
For now, he had more important things to focus on, like Sam’s truck, so he turned around and made his way to where he stashed the truck, hoping that something would come to mind between now and when he inevitably reached the truck. By the time he’d reached the truck, he was in a numb sort of state that made it difficult to think, it was much like being on autopilot, like he was only partly aware of what he was doing.
It wasn’t ideal, but it sure beat out the clusterfuck of thoughts that would have plagued him otherwise, so he wasn’t complaining. There was nothing occupying his mind other than getting the truck back to Sam. It wasn’t until he was arriving to Sam’s house that the reality of having to explain what had happened at the hospital that he realized how horrible high his anxiety levels had been beneath the cloud of numbness.
His breath was shallow and rapid and there was a tightness in his chest anytime he tried to think about him or anything close to it. How would he even explain? What could he possibly say without sounding like nut case? He didn’t choose this! It wasn’t right, wasn’t natural! Jacob’s vision blurred slightly as he continued to freak out and it wasn’t until a knocking on the window that made him jump and smack his head into the top of the truck that it righted itself.
Sam.
He was there, his brows drawn, and arms crossed.
Shit. Did he know?
Trying to do his best to calm down, he took a deep breath and opened the door, tossing the keys at his pack brother.
They were caught without a glance at them, “Why haven’t you been answering your phone, Jake? I was about five minutes away from taking Jared with me to go looking for you.”
“Huh?” he asked dumbly.
“You said you’d contact me after the hospital to let me know what happened with Bella and the Cullens, and you never did. It’s been hours!” The concern that seeped through the admonishment was clear and it reminded Jacob that Sam cared.
His shoulders dropped as he closed the truck door behind him. “I–I don’t know completely. But she’s fine,” despite the fact that he hadn’t confirmed that in person, something infuriating in him assured him that the leech wouldn’t do anything to harm his family’s position in the town, “Charlie was there with her the whole time. Something else…happened,” he finished lamely, still unsure how to continue, how much to tell him.
It wasn’t a lack of trust, Jacob knew that no matter what, Sam and the rest of the pack would have his back; this was self-protection. Until he was surer of what was happening himself, he didn’t really want to involve anyone else in this mess, he didn’t want their opinions coloring his own.
Sam waited for him to continue, only reaching out to place his arm on his bicep for support.
“I can’t be here Sam…” he whispered finally. “I can’t tell you everything yet, I need time to think about it and process it, I just know that I can’t be here.” He finally raised his gaze and met Sam’s own concerned one.
“You’ve imprinted, haven’t you?” he asked. It was a clear question, but they both knew that the answer was multi-faceted and equally simple as it was complex.
“I–I–“ Jacob started, opening and closing his mouth, unable to answer. “It’s complicated. So fucking complicated, I know you know what it’s like, but it’s so much worse. I can’t tell you yet, but can you trust me when I say I need time?”
His pack brother looked down and away for a second as he nodded, “What can I do to help?”
Immediately, Jacob closed his eyes in gratitude and relief, “Thank you, Sam, thank you.” He took a few seconds to think about his next steps. Time away from everyone would be best, but that would mean going away, and he didn’t really know for how long. But that was a start, “Could you cover me for a couple of days? With my dad and the pack, I mean. Just tell them that you sent me on some reconnaissance, and I’ll be gone for a bit or something like that, that’s believable, isn’t it?”
“Are you sure you don’t want to tell your dad what’s going on? He might be help—”
“No! Please, Sam. No one can know.”
After a couple of moments, Sam relented and nodded.
They continued to plan, or plan as well as they could with as little information as Jacob was willing to divulge, for a while longer and then Sam gave him a ride home. He was going to pack enough clothes for a week, just to be safe, and while he did so Sam would give Billy a cover story. It wasn’t truly a cover story, despite being a minor, being a shifter gave Sam more authority over Jacob in the eyes of the council and Billy would respect whatever Sam said even if he didn’t agree with it.
Parting with his dad was difficult for Jacob, he did his best to avoid direct eye contact and tried to keep a passive facial expression so the guilt and confusion he truly felt wouldn’t come to the surface. If his father felt something was amiss, he didn’t comment on it, instead embracing him and wishing him a safe return. Jacob merely nodded and tensed into the embrace.
They had agreed that Sam would call a meeting for the rest of the pack to let them know that he would be on a private undertaking and that they would respect Jacob’s privacy by staying in their human forms for the rest of the evening, even their patrols. That would give Jacob ample time to put some distance between him and the town. Jacob had wanted to tell the rest of the pack that he was on a reconnaissance, like they were telling Billy, but Sam convinced Jacob to tell the pack the same thing that he’d told Sam, that he needed time to take care of a private matter. Lies would only weaken the bonds between them all, especially since they were truly incapable of lying to each other.
Sam would keep all thoughts about their conversation out of mind to prevent the others from finding out the nature of the private matter he was going to deal with, and this was what finally convinced Jacob to agree. They both knew that this wasn’t a guarantee, thoughts were temperamental and fleeting things, after all, but Jacob knew deep down that this was the right thing to do.
Quil took it the hardest, as they both knew he would, but he was still accepting of the secrecy and didn’t push for more.
⁂
As the sun began its descent and began to take light with it, Jacob made his way deeper and deeper into the forest. He walked on and on, until the sun had truly well and set and the only light was the from the sliver of moonlight that filtered through the treetops, he decided it was finally time to phase. His clothes were shed hastily and shoved into the duffle bag with little care, shoes muddy as they were.
Fear was still present as he phased and waited for a moment to hear his brothers’ echoing thoughts, ready to judge and ridicule him, but they never came. In his mind, it was blissfully quiet, at least for now. He stared at the bag full of clothes and considered the best way to carry it, after a couple more moments he carefully stepped a paw thought the strap and did the same with his muzzle, trying to twist it and secure it on his back that way.
As it swung to rest on his back, he caught his own scent on the bag, a nervous and anxiety riddled smell, the mossy, petrichor of the mud, and the scent that had caused him so much grief and confusion today. Fearing that the doctor leech had followed him, he raised his guard and began to run.
He had no destination in mind except away from that scent. He sprinted and jumped over boulders, and felled trees paying no mind to the bag that thumped against his back until it became a soothing rhythm and was completely ignored.
Jacob didn’t stop until his lungs were burning and his muscles demanded a break. A quick sniff about told him that there was no one else around, at least not human nor leech. There was a creek nearby, he could hear the soft rushing water and wandered to it to drink. It was as he was drinking water that he realized that he had still been within the treaty line when he’d scented the vamp. Could the doctor be so stupid as to break the treaty to approach him?
He didn’t think so… it would make no sense. There was no reason to think that the pale monster would break it to approach him unless he meant Jacob harm. And if he had, surely, he would have brought more of the bloodsuckers with him for back up… and they wouldn’t have stopped the chase…right?
So then how had he smelled the doctor so deep into pack territory? Could he be hallucinating the scent? He’d have to ask Sam if he could smell Emily if she wasn’t present. Or maybe he was just fucking losing it.
A snapping branch across the creek caught his attention and without much thought, he leaped at it, teeth bared. Between his jowls was not the stony flesh of a leech but the soft, furry hide of a young elk. It let out a screech somewhere between a whistle and a roar. It bucked its rear legs and shook its head, trying to shake itself from his jaws, but instinct took over and before he could form a plan, his paws had raked down the great animal’s side and he readjusted his jaws to the elks throat, biting down and using the animal’s own movement to snap its neck.
He could see his own hot breath fanning in front of him as he looked upon his defeated prey. A swipe of his tongue across his muzzle revealed the strong taste of blood and he fully expected to be disgusted, but the wolf felt no disgust. Jacob was lucky that this was a young buck, his stubby antlers had only just started to sprout atop his head. Had it been much older, he might have walked away with a missing eye or God knows what other injury.
Jacob half contemplated leaving the elk there, but guilt over having killed a creature for no reason, and a heavy hunger made him think otherwise. He was half-disgusted with himself for feasting upon the elk, but these were only his human thoughts. The wolf in him feasted gluttonously, glad for the food after not having eaten all day, but for a small breakfast. After he had his fill, he apologized to anyone listening for attacking without thinking, and honored the kill by thanking the animal for nourishing him and hoping that it would be found by other scavengers and not go to waste.
After a quick dip into the creek to rinse the excess blood from his muzzle and paws, he continued his journey, following the creek until he broke off and continued northeast instead. He let himself be engulfed by the wolf, finding it easier to ignore his turbulent thoughts as an animal and it wasn’t until he reached the end of the endless forest and saw roads, a highway it seemed, that he considered where he was. A quick survey told him that he was somewhere west of Port Angeles, and east of the Makah Reservation, closer to the former though.
Despite the considerable distance between himself and Forks, it still didn’t seem far enough so without much preamble, he continued north towards the sparse beaches and into the biting cold water that divided Washington state from the Great White North. The sky was the color of a great, deep bruise, heralding the looming dawn. Considering the time there shouldn’t be too many boats on the bay…
Throwing all thoughts of caution to the wind, he sprinted to the beachy shore and into the icy water. It was a stupid choice, given that he didn’t know just how long he could swim and if he could make it to the other side, even if it was only ten or so miles away, but exhaustion aside there was always the chance of encountering a water dwelling predator, or worse, fishermen.
But he pushed on and on, past the exhaustion and burning muscles and past any thoughts of danger until the shore was within his sights. Dawn had broken by then and had turned the water around him into hues of red and orange. Even then he didn’t stop, he didn’t stop when his shaking legs touched sandy land, nor when he ran past the road, not until he was safe behind the shroud of trees again.
Jacob found a cave, damp, and mossy, and let his shaky limbs give out once he made sure it was hidden away and unoccupied. He was too tired to do much of anything, let alone think, and for that he was grateful. His eyes shut and he knew no more.
⁂
That night, or day rather, he dreamed of gilded eyes, a soft-whispering voice, and the smell of his salvation.
When he awoke in the middle of the night, he would pretend that he couldn’t recall the dream, or the peace he felt during it, even if it was only to himself.
⁂
Next time he woke, it was daylight again. He phased back and pulled on some clothes, surprised that the water had not seeped in through the duffle as much as he’d feared, so he could wander to the nearest town and call Sam to let him know that he was safe. And to eat. Man, he was starving.
In the marina, he realized that his money would be of no use to him and sheepishly asked where he could exchange it. After multiple tries, a fisherman took pity on him and shared his lunch with him and offered him a ride into town. He didn’t mention what town, but Jacob accepted readily, and offered to help the man offload his catch to the truck. They made small talk and Jacob lied his way through the man’s questions about how he’d gotten so lost. After spinning a swaying lie that included trying to find a friend who had run away to Canada, the man seemed convinced he wasn’t trouble.
He was dropped off near a post office where he could exchange his U.S. dollars with some spare cash from the kind old man, and the advice that maybe his friend had run off to Victoria. According to him, it was a densely populated city, and it was a good starting point to find his friend. After exchanging his money, grabbing some sandwiches from a corner store, and finally calling Sam on a payphone, he felt a little more at ease.
Perhaps Victoria was a good place to find himself.
Jacob passed a lonely girl waiting at a bus stop on his way back to the road and found himself feeling guilty for not contacting Bella. The roaming charges would be hell, but he’d pay his dad back… he rummaged through the bag and fished his phone out, grateful that he’d put it in a Ziplock bag considering the impromptu swim, turning it on. She’d sent him multiple messages already.
Jake, hey, do you think we could talk later?
Then some hours later.
You’re probably busy…sorry. Just text me when you can? I have to tell you about my crazy day.
And then yesterday.
Jake? You alright?
And then this morning.
I hope you’re okay.
Damn. He felt like a dick.
He typed multiple messages out and erased them before deciding on, Hey! Sorry I was MIA, I was grounded.
It was lame, but believable enough.
I’m spending the week with some relatives in Makah, right now actually, so I can’t hang out, but what’s up? Catch me up.
He pocketed the phone and continued walking on the road, trying to avoid traveling in his wolf form. By now, Sam would have let the pack resume their patrols and training, so it wouldn’t be safe.
Luck was on his side, and he’d managed to hitchhike his way to the greater Victoria area by nightfall. By then, Bella had messaged him back and ‘caught him up’ on the events of Tuesday’s almost accident and Edward’s unbelievable actions.
He considered playing dumb and telling her that she probably was confused until she followed that up with the leech’s denial and her frustration over his denial of the events as she knew them to have happened. Jacob would not do the same. He told her under no uncertain terms that he believed her and suggested that maybe the best course of action would be to stay away from him and the rest of his family.
It seemed his luck only extended so far when she replied that she just wanted him to admit it, to explain. He remained quiet about this. The treaty prevented him from outing the Cullens for what they really were, and besides the fact that she wouldn’t believe him if he told her, something told him that she the knowledge of their true nature wouldn’t be enough to stop her from doing whatever she wanted.
Thankfully though, it seemed that the leech had the good sense to avoid her.
The good Samaritan who’d driven him to the Victoria area was nice enough to drop him off with directions to a nearby hostel. It was preferable to the more expensive options, so he was thankful for the bed to crash on after his multiple-day trip.
He checked in with Sam again in the morning, catching him up on the Bella-Cullen situation, and it seemed that there had been no changes on their front either. Then Jacob spent the day wandering the city, trying to ignore the feeling in the pit of his stomach that begged him to return, and instead enjoyed the noisy streets.
The next evening as he talked with some of the other guys he’d started to be friendly with in the hostel, he finally let himself consider the situation and its implications. At least one implication at a time.
He, Jacob Black, descendant of Ephraim Black, had imprinted on Dr. Carlisle Cullen.
He didn’t let himself consider the fact that the latter was a vampire, not yet, and instead focused on the fact that he was a man.
Was he attracted to men?
He chewed on this as he considered his current roommates. They weren’t… bad looking, but he wasn’t particularly sure if that was because of the fact that he’d imprinted, that the really weren’t good looking, or what.
“Jacob, right?” one of them called to him.
He nodded.
“I have a mate in town who’s inviting us to a club, if you want you can tag along,” his accent was thick, and Jacob knew it was some form of a British accent.
After a moments hesitation, he replied, “Sure, sounds fun. I-uh, don’t think they’ll let me in though…”
The other, Jack maybe, laughed it off, “Nah, don’t worry about that. This ain’t the kind of place that cares about that stuff. The only thing they care about is making money. Come on, we’re heading out. You might want to bring a jacket or somethin’, it’ll get pretty cold.”
He nodded absently and fished his jacket from the duffle bag, happy to keep up appearances. A club might be a better place to test out if he was attracted to men or not. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing… he wasn’t homophobic or anything, but it wasn’t like he was given much opportunity to consider his sexuality as of late… or ever really. His mom’s death hadn’t left much room to want to seek romance, and then his sister had left just as things were starting to be normal for him again, and then he’d had to take care of his dad on his own, then the whole wolf shit happened. Really, when was he supposed to have sought out romance in the middle of all of that?
Jack, that definitely was his name, was right. Once they arrived, no one questioned or pressed him for an ID, and soon enough they were in the half-packed club drinking beers and waiting for Jack’s friend to arrive. In the meantime, he swayed to the bass-heavy music and let himself enjoy the anonymity of it all.
He watched scantly dressed men and women sway together and tried to look at them in terms of attractiveness, to see if anyone piqued his interest. After multiple beers, it was apparent that his metabolism wasn’t letting him get even a bit tipsy. Stupid wolf metabolism. He’d lost Jack and the others in the crowd but he wasn’t too concerned about that.
A lithe woman, dressed in a cropped shirt and low riding mini skirt passed him. She had neon extensions in her hair and dark red lips, and some part of him found her stunning. It was a muted attraction, but it was there. He almost considered asking her to dance before the bartender put a glass of some amber liquid in, whiskey probably, in his hand. Over the loud music the man shouted, “This is from the blonde at the other side of the bar!”
He nodded in thanks and turned to face the direction, looking for his benefactor. A tall blonde man, dressed impeccably in dark jeans, a button-up shirt and blazer, raised his glass and winked in his direction.
Jacob blushed at the sudden rush of attraction that filled him.
Well. That answered that question. Apparently, he could still find people attractive. And he wasn’t immune to men or women’s wiles. Interesting.
Without another thought he made his way to the blonde stranger.
“Thanks for the drink!” he shouted once they were closer.
The stranger flashed a smile and leaned in, “What can I say, handsome, lonely men are my weakness.” A Brit, based on the accent, but more posh sounding that Jack’s.
Another blush crawled up his neck. “Are you always so forward when you flirt?”
“Always. Leaves no room for misinterpretations! I’m Mason,” the Brit introduced himself.
“Jacob, nice to meet you.”
“Oh no darling, you haven’t met me yet. Down that drink and let’s dance, shall we?” He tilted his head back and finished his own drink. Jacob was entranced by the way Mason’s throat moved as he swallowed, his own Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed nervously.
He looked down and found his courage, nodding and taking down the drink in a single, burning gulp and letting himself be led by the handsome stranger dragging him to the dance floor. They danced pressed together, and tangle of limbs and despite the fact that the alcohol didn’t blur his thoughts, he found himself intoxicated by the feeling of Mason’s arms around his waist, traveling up and down his chest. A song later, Mason’s mouth was pressed to his neck and left sloppy kisses on it as he whisper-shouted into his ear, “Want to get out of here?”
He nodded mutely, letting himself be led out of the bright, loud club and into the chilly night. They were against a wall, an alley most likely, and Mason began to lick and kiss his neck, pushing the jacket and shirt aside as he kissed his collarbone. Jacob could feel Mason’s hardness against his own front and as Mason pulled away to take him in, pupils blown and flushed, he knew he was in no better state.
“I’m in a hotel around the corner, sort of. Still okay?” he asked, motioning with his head.
“Yes,” he hissed back as he let himself be dragged to the street by an intoxicated, gorgeous man.
Soon enough, they were through the lobby and in Mason’s room and their hands were on each other once again. Mason tried to kiss him, and Jacob turned away, giving him his neck instead. The other man seemed to understand that he didn’t want to kiss and didn’t attempt to do so again, instead taking off his own jacket and necking him again. They were both hard, and hot, and in a flurry of movement they were on the bed, Jacob on top of him, running his hands now opened shirt and pulling it free from the jeans.
Jacob didn’t think, just acted on instinct, kissing down Carlisle’s chest.
“Oh, yes, darling, like that…” the whisper-hoarse voice said. But it sounded wrong… before he could think about it too much though, soft hands threaded themselves in his hair and all thoughts left his head again.
He fumbled with the button on the jeans.
Jeans? Did he wear jeans? That didn’t seem right…
The fog cleared enough for him to raise his head and see beautiful, blonde hair as Carlisle tipped his head back in pleasure and let out a moan.
Heat pooled in his groin again and he nipped at the edge of the pants in front of him. He began to pull at his own clothes now, feeling too hot. The jacket came off first and just as he was going to toss it aside his hand brushed something feather-soft that caught his attention. He pulled at it and a beautiful, dark scarf fell out of the pocket.
His senses were flooded with the beautiful smell of home, and rightness and he smiled. He went to press his nose to it, to be closer to him.
“What do you have there, darling?” Another hand reached down for the scarf and Jacob grasped it quickly to himself with a growl.
Reality crashed down around him like a bucket of ice water.
Without another word, he grabbed his jacket, scarf still pressed to his chest with the other hand and threw open the door, practically sprinting out of the room, ignoring the calls of the other man.
What. The. Fuck.
He pulled on the jacket again as he reached the street and marched back towards the hostel. The offending scarf was still being crushed in his hand and he resisted the urge to press it to his nose again. Instead, he wrapped and knotted it on his arm, wanting it close but unwilling to wear it as intended, lest he get lost in its smell again.
Jacob thought back to what’d happened.
He was enjoying the attention and physical attraction he’s obviously had for Mason, greatly. Despite being completely inexperienced, he’s let himself be dragged to this stranger’s hotel room to—what?— hook up with him? That was certainly where things had been heading. And he wasn’t too upset about that, but somewhere he’d lost sight of Mason and instead was fantasizing that the man under him was Carlisle fucking Cullen. Just the idea, the memory of it, was enough to raise his pulse again.
He felt sick.
Not because he’d been fantasizing about possibly sleeping with the vampire, nor because he’d run out without explanation to Mason, but because he felt sick that he’d let someone else touch him like that. He felt dirty. He expected to feel anger about this realization, but it never came. Something, that was increasing in strength, in him had accepted that he had imprinted on the doctor, and that he wanted no other touch than his.
It was curious, before when he’d felt and heard Sam’s feelings about Emily, he thought imprinting to be chains, and indeed, when he felt it for himself it certainly felt like chains, but now it was different. There was an understanding in him now, and he knew that his happiness was forever intwined with the doctor, and as unnatural as it was… it wasn’t as terrifying as it was before. It was… intriguing. And suddenly, he wanted to know more about the person he’d been bound to. He needed to know, to be near him. The nearly hundred miles between them was too much.
And he knew, he knew that he needed to go home. Whatever that meant now.
As he reached the hostel, he made sure that everything was packed. As soon as it was light, he would be out of there. There was nothing left for him here, and truth be told, there never was to begin with.
Notes:
Possible trigger warning:
This chapter has some brief discription of animal death and isn't too graphic but it's there, so just be aware. There will also be some *slight* mature content between consenting individuals, again not graphic, but still there. One of them is a minor (teen) and an adult, so take that as you will.
Thank you again for the amazing comments and feedback in regards to the Discord server. I have started making it, and will let you guys know when that is ready to be accessed.
Until then, you guys are amazing your comments, and kudos genuinely make my day!
Chapter 11: Walking the Wire
Notes:
This was meant to be posted yesterday, but I ended up being busier than expected! (it was my birthday and I, unfortunately, had to work 😒)
Enjoy!
Also there will be *brief* (very brief) mentions of implied internalized-homophobia/general homophobia, don't throw tomatoes, it was necessary for it to be realistic, I feel.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jacob
He spent the rest of his money getting a ferry ticket back to Port Angeles and then a bus ticket to Forks. In total, the travel time didn’t exceed three hours. It wasn’t a stretch to say that he felt foolish about making a three-hour trip stretch into a three-day trip, but in his defense, he hadn’t known where he’d wanted to go. His only thought had been to go away. Far away. Once he’d arrived in Forks, he was split on what to do next. He could go back to the res and finally tell Sam, and the rest of the pack, just who he’d imprinted on. But that wasn’t high on his priorities, it was important and necessary, but that didn’t mean he wanted to do it.
Just because he’d somewhat wrapped his mind around the idea of having imprinted, didn’t mean he was excited about the thought. Hell, it didn’t even really make him want to approach the doctor, at least not consciously. There was no doubt that he was curious as to why he’d imprinted on him, but curiosity could be resisted.
Unfortunately, the bus dropped him off outside the Forks Community Hospital, something that he’d not checked on the tickets. He was not going to stand there for longer than he needed, lest his curiosity win the best of him. As soon as he got off the bus, he walked away from the hospital and down the road. It reminded him that he still had the scarf twisted around his arm and self consciously he all but ripped it off, stuffing it into the bad without further thought.
What he wanted to do was see Bella and tell her about his journey and his realizations. But he couldn’t do that either, not without letting the wolf out of the bag. And that wasn’t going to happen either. He settled for calling his dad.
After a couple of rings, he picked up, “Jacob, hey son, how’s that reconnaissance mission going?”
“Hey Dad, it was fine. Nothing really came of it, so I’m back. Or almost anyway. I’m in Forks, now.”
“Do you need a ride? I could call one of the boys if you’d like—”
“No, no, it’s alright. I was thinking of maybe hanging out with Bella, actually. I’m sure Billy told you what happened. I just want to make sure she’s okay, y’know. Make sure the bloodsuckers are leaving her and Charlie alone,” he interrupted. Maybe he couldn’t outright warn Bella about the Cullens, but he could still be a good friend and hang out. And again, he really didn’t want to face the music with the pack just yet.
If he could postpone that by hanging out with Bella, then he would.
Hopefully she would want to hang out.
“Yeah, he told me how one of those Cullens saved her or something. Not too sure I believe it, but I think it’s a good idea to check in on her. Just in case. You never know with creatures like them.” The disdain in his voice was clear.
“Sure, sure,” he replied, wanting to end the conversation so he could call Bella, “Listen, I’ll probably be late tonight, so don’t wait up or anything. And make sure to check your sugar, old man. And eat right, don’t think I won’t ask Sue if you’ve been crashing dinner with her and Harry.”
A raspy laugh followed, “I’ve been good, Jake. Apparently, someone told them that I should be eating better, and Sue has been making salads and things like that. Harry has not been happy about it, I’m pretty sure he’s going to ban me from the house at this rate.”
“Good. I’m glad your friends aren’t falling for your stupid wheelchair routine anymore. Anyway, I’ll let you know when I’m back on the res. Sam will probably want an update on my—er—trip,” he replied. They said their farewells and he dialed Bella next.
“Jake! Hey, stranger. How’s Makah?” she greeted him cheerily.
“In the rearview mirror, so to speak. I just got back into town. You want to hang out?” he asked, kicking the gravel at his feet.
“Sure, I’m not doing anything today. Did you need a ride?”
“Nah, I’m nearby, sort of.” He looked at the street sign, 6th Ave, and did the math, “Shouldn’t be more than ten minutes or so.”
“Alright, if you’re sure. I’ll see you in a bit. You want something to eat? Charlie forgot his lunch, so there’s some leftovers if you want them.” He could hear her moving around the kitchen, opening, and closing cabinets.
He chuckled, “Please. I’m starving!”
She laughed, “How did I know that would be your answer?”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’ll see you in a bit.” He hung up and made his way down the street putting up the hood on his jacket to avoid the starting flurry of snow.
⁂
As promised, when he arrived, she had a plate of leftovers ready for him, a slice of lasagna and some steamed veggies. It smelled amazing. He’d given her a bear-hug as a greeting and ruffled her hair, earning him a squeak of protest.
“Jesus, how are you so tall? You have to be the tallest in your class! I always forget that you’re the size of a mountain,” she joked.
“Again, I think you’re just small and don’t want to admit it. There’s no shame in being short, Bells,” he replied matter-of-factly.
She shoved him with her shoulder, and he made a show of actually being shoved over.
“So, c’mon, fill me in. What’s been going on with you?” he asked her as he took a forkful of the lasagna.
“Ugh, I want to disappear,” she complained into her palms as she covered her face, “everyone at school is making such a big deal about the almost accident, but only about me! No one even cares that Edward was the one who saved me or thinks it’s weird that he was able to push a whole van off with his hands. It’s ridiculous. And! Tyler, the guy who was driving, keeps cornering me and trying to make it up to me, even though I just want them to forget about it and leave me alone.”
“Aww,” he said with his mouth half-full, “poor Ms. Popularity. Can’t handle the fans?”
“I don’t want fans,” she whined back, exasperated, “I want answers. And the only person who can provide them is ignoring me completely. I mean, seriously, if he regrets saving my life so much he should have just let the stupid thing crush me.”
“Hey, none of that!” he said seriously, grabbing her hand in comfort, “If he’s being a jerk about the whole thing, just ignore him back. Maybe it’s a good thing, he clearly doesn’t want to be a hero, so don’t treat him like one. He’s ignoring you? Fine, ignore him back; show him that he doesn’t get under your skin and that you don’t care.”
“Yeah, I know. But still. What he didn’t wasn’t normal, Jake. I just want to know that I’m not crazy. Because I know what I saw!” She pulled away and got up, pacing the small kitchen while running her hands through her hair.
“I didn’t say you were crazy! I believe you, really. If you say that he stopped a van with his bare hands, then I believe you. But maybe that’s also another reason to stay away from him,” he reasoned.
“What do you mean?” She stopped and looked at him.
“Well, I’m just saying. If he’s strong enough to stop a moving vehicle with his bare hands and is telling you to drop it, it’s probably for a reason. He’s dangerous.” That was as much as he could allow himself to say about the bloodsucker’s nature.
“Maybe,” she relented, as she sat down again with a huff.
He continued to eat as the silence stretched and she said, “You know what’s worse?”
“Hmm?”
“Some of the girls are so catty about this! Like, I’m sorry that I was almost crushed by a van, and suddenly everyone has decided that makes me more interesting, but I want none of the attention. I’m happy to disappear into a crowd and have no one pay attention on me. I have no interest or desire to have all this attention.”
He laughed whole-heartedly; glad the topic had been moved away from the leech. “You poor thing, it must be so hard to have all the boys chasing after you.”
“Yeah, keep laughing at my misery, that’s so nice Jake,” she rolled her eyes with a smile. “Between all the snide comments and glances Lauren keeps throwing my way, I’d rather take my chances with the van again.”
From there the conversation derailed as she complained about the guys, Mike, Erik, and Tyler and their annoying shenanigans. They eventually migrated to her room as she started on some homework, and he bugged her from the bed. All the talk about crushes on her eventually meant that she turned the attention to him.
“So, any pretty girls vying for your attention? Or the other way around?”
He faltered from the bed, and the beaded ball he was tossing fell next to him.
“Oh, that’s definitely a yes. Spill it Jake, now it’s your turn to get teased.”
He stayed silent for a moment more and looked away. There was no way he could tell her that it most certainly was not a crush, and that it wasn’t something that he could control, but he really would like to talk with someone about his realization that he was, in fact, attracted to guys as well as girls and that he was struggling with ‘coming out’ to his friends and dad.
“Hey,” she started softly, moving from the chair to the bed, “I was just kidding about teasing you, mostly anyway. What’s going on with your love life that’s got you looking like a ghost right now?”
Jacob knew, he knew, that he could trust her, and that she wouldn’t judge him for his sexuality, but suddenly he was hyper aware of how terrified he was of saying the words aloud. After another beat of silence, the words tumbled out of him in rush, “IthinkI’mintoguysandnooneknowsandIdon’tknowwhattodo.”
She blinked, took a moment to process, and then blinked again, “Woah, that sounded like a big deal, but I need you to say it again to make sure I heard right. Can you repeat it slower this time?
He looked away in shame and whispered, “I’m into guys, ok? And girls too, but that’s not the problem. I kinda just realized that, because there’s this…guy, ok?” that was an understatement, but it wasn’t like he could say who it was either, “And no one else knows, and I don’t know what to do now.” The shame spread throughout him, flushing his face and his neck.
There. He’d said it, aloud… and with bated breath waited for the axe to come down. For her to laugh, or to judge him. Nausea rolled through his stomach and made him almost lightheaded. He couldn’t breathe! There wasn’t enough air to bring relief to his burning lungs. Had he even taken a breath? He tried to draw in a breath but still it did nothing for his state, and quickly he fell apart, panicking and trying to breathe, but being unable to do so. Why couldn’t he breathe? Why couldn’t he—?
“Jake!” Bella cried out, grabbing hold of his shoulders, and desperately trying to get him to look at her. “Jake, breathe… look at me. Shh, just look at me. Breathe with me. You’re having a panic attack. Just breathe with me, you’re going to be alright. Look, in,” she took a slow deep breath, “and out…” and released it just as slow. She repeated this until he could think again, until his breathing matched hers.
“Sorry,” he said with embarrassment coloring his face.
“Hey, no. You don’t have to apologize for having a panic attack.” She rubbed the sides of his arms with a comforting motion. “And we don’t have to talk about what set it off either, if you’re uncomfortable talking about it… just know I’m here for you when you are ready, ok?”
He looked at her with mild surprise, “Wh—what?”
“Well, you know, about you… coming out. That is what caused you to panic wasn’t it?”
“Yes. No. I mean, kind of? It’s complicated,” he responded pathetically. “I’m not exactly excited about it. It isn’t something I’ll be screaming from the rooftops anytime soon. But… I mean… you’re not… upset?” He looked down at his hands, desperate to not meet her gaze.
“Upset? About you liking someone? Why?” She looked puzzled and tilted her head.
“Because Bella! I’m a freak!” he shouted, shrugging her hands off his shoulders and getting up, pacing back and forth by the bed. “You don’t understand, ok? There’s so much going on in my life, and I wish I could tell you everything. But I can’t! Not everything is mine alone to tell. Okay? But on top of everything else… there’s this! How am I supposed to tell my dad… or the—well, my friends about it.” He stopped, pressing his head against the edge of the door, closing his eyes.
More silence followed. Neither of them spoke, and it stretched on, and on. Until Bella sighed, and whispered, “You’re not a freak, Jacob. You don’t have to tell me anything, but you do need to know you’re not a freak.”
Jacob half-scoffed, half-laughed, “You don’t know anything Bella, how can you possibly say that?”
“Because you’re my best friend, okay? Nothing could make me believe that you’re a freak. Hell, between the two of us, I think that label fits me better sometimes…” She mixed sincerity with tones of humor, clearly wanting to relax him.
But it didn’t work. It couldn’t because she didn’t know. Exasperated, he turned his head slightly to her to say, “Bella, if you knew everything, you wouldn’t be saying that. Really.”
“Okay, so maybe I don’t know everything, and I don’t need to. That’s what I’m saying. You are my best friend, okay? Get it through your thick head. You are not a freak. And I’m not letting you leave until you get that.” She seemed angry on his behalf. Like she was upset that he wasn’t getting the point here.
“Fine, so I’m not a freak about liking guys. Whatever,” he said, just wanting to end the conversation, regretting bringing it up to begin with.
“Jake, you’re allowed to process this in your own way, but you’re not getting out of this so easy. If you really don’t want to talk about it, I won’t press you. But I at least want you to know that nothing has changed for me. I still love you, and you’re still my best friend… okay?”
And there was something about how she said stated that, the conviction with which she said them that made him believe her. That she would have his back no matter the circumstances. It just clicked. And it made him almost embarrassed, guilty in a sense, that he ever doubted that she would cast him aside. The quick fire, steadfast bond that he and Bella forged was not a fickle thing, it would not snap over something as inconsequential as the gender of whom he was attracted to. In hindsight, it seemed terribly dumb to have thought it would in the first place. But that was what fear did, he supposed. It made one jump to stupid conclusions rather than face the truth.
He voiced his train of thoughts with her, “I was being dumb, wasn’t I? Thinking you’d be so close-minded that you’d toss me out of the house.”
“Maybe just a little bit. But I get it. Forks, and the reservation for that matter, they’re small towns and those don’t often breed open-mindedness. So, your fears aren’t unfounded,” she reassured him.
“Yeah, but you are nothing like them. And I shouldn’t have assumed that. I’m sorry for being so dramatic about this. There’s just…a lot weighing on my mind, not just this…realization of mine,” he tilted his head back, frustrated again that he couldn’t tell her about the pack, and his phasing, and the damn bloodsuckers. It would be so much easier if she knew.
“True. I am one of a kind. So, I guess you’re in good company. Sorry that you’re going through so much. I wish I could help.”
He hesitated, looking at her from the corner of his eye. A plan was building in his mind, nothing concrete just the thought of an idea, a hazy tendril he couldn’t quite grasp. Sam’s orders about not being to tell anyone who didn’t already know about the pack and their nature were clear, as was the treaty. But… perhaps there was a way to move around them, to circumvent the order.
Bella was smart, smarter than she gave herself credit for, that he knew. So, if he could just nudge her in the right direction, then whatever she found on her own, wouldn’t be his doing; not technically. He was sure that with the right information, she could put two and two together and ask the right questions, find the right information, and maybe she’d come to the right answers too. That wouldn't put the precious Treaty at risk. As if he cared what the bloodsuckers thought! His friend's safety mattered more than that! Surely, if she figured things out, Sam wouldn't be too mad at him.
“No apologies needed Bells, it’s just life, I guess. But that’s neither here nor there. Let’s talk about something else, okay? Just… for now. What homework were you working on?” He had an idea on how to get her curious enough to start looking in the right direction if luck was on his side.
And amazing as Bella was, she took the re-direction of conversation in stride, “Oh, well we’ve been working on Wuthering Heights in English, so I was getting started on the essay. We’re supposed to analyze the text and compare and contrast a character from history, or a pop culture figure to them. It’s at least an interesting take for homework anyway.” She glanced at the desktop on her desk. It was old, almost as old as the ones they had at the res,
Bingo.
“Huh, that’s pretty cool, I guess. I haven’t read the book, if you can believe it,” he joked, “but I think I know the general gist of it. What character were you thinking about using?”
“Heathcliff,” she said immediately, blushing and looking down at her lap, bottom lip between her teeth, “it’s a bit of a cop out, and what everyone else will probably choose, but he’s the most complex and interesting character in my opinion.”
“Well, you’re smarter than everyone else in that class anyway, so I’m sure you’ll have the best take on it.”
“I don’t know about that.” She looked back mutinously at the desktop, “I don’t know who I’ll use for the comparative analysis yet.”
Well, it seemed that luck hadn’t completely abandoned him yet. “Well, he’s supposed to be like a tragic hero-type, right? Both the hero, and the villain, depending on what side you’re looking at, right?” She nodded. “Don't be too impressed by my knowlege, by the way, I copied Quil's notes on the book, but if you really want to stand apart from everyone else doing Heathcliff, maybe you can look into local history for someone. Or local-adjacent anyway. The Quileute legends and stories have many tragic and conflicting heroes.”
Bella looked immediately intrigued, “Oh? Any come to mind?”
He laughed, “I’m not going to make it that easy for you. But I’ll point you in the right direction. Think prior to American settlement in the area. I think you’ll find some interesting figures you can use.” Hopefully, with this she’d be curious enough to search and dig into his culture’s history to find something to gnaw on.
She rolled her eyes and trudged to the ancient desktop, typing away on her document, and then opening a search engine, scrolling a bit, before writing down several sites and eventually turning back to him. He'd relaxed on her bed again, playing with the frayed ends of a blanker. “Well, thanks. I appreciate your help. I’ll definitely look into it.” She paused and glanced at her alarm clock, “I know it’s getting pretty late too; Charlie will be home soon. Do you want to stay for dinner, or would you like a ride back home?”
“As much as I’d love to be fed again, I think I should probably go home. Let’s not give Charlie anymore ideas, shall we?”
She laughed goodheartedly and nodded.
⁂
The ride back to the reservation was easy and filled with more innocent conversations and good times; he felt more at ease and was glad that she’d accompanied him home. It helped ease some of the anxieties of having to face the music and tell Sam, the pack, and his dad about everything.
His dad was watching TV in the living room, already half-asleep. He was happy to see him and was easily herded into bed and that was that. He would probably be the last to know about the recent developments and his sudden attachment to the doctor. Jacob knew that he would be the one to take it the hardest, and the least likely to be understanding about the situation. Best leave that for last.
He made his way to the pack’s cabin after texting Sam that he was ready to tell him and the pack what had been going on. As he walked through the forest, he let its peace wash over him. The smell of the damp moss, the sharpness of the cold February chill, the crunching snow and mud under his boots. These all served to ground him and calm him, and despite the nervousness that hid in the back of his mind, he felt steady.
The column of smoke coming from the chimney told him that they were already in the cabin. Good, better than having to wait and allowing the nervousness grow into something unmanageable. He let himself into the cabin and was instantly greeted in a myriad of ways.
Sam nodded in that severe, and serious way of his.
Jared and Quil greeted him with shouts and full embraces.
Paul rolled his eyes and nodded to him with a grin.
“Miss me?” he said, hoping to keep the nervousness out of his voice.
“As if! Without you around to show off how much better you are at everything, Sam has gotten to see how much better I’d be as his right-hand man instead of you,” Jared laughed as he took a bite off the drumstick he’d gotten a hold of.
“Yeah, right. Sam isn’t dumb enough to think that. Jake’s a natural!” Quil defended him.
Jacob could only roll his eyes and took a seat in the empty cabin chair next to Sam. Before he could say anything, not that he had anything to add, Paul spoke up.
“So, how are you now? Your private matter all taken care of?” There wasn’t malice in the question, just genuine concern. “You look better than when you left, less tense maybe.”
He let out a long sigh, “Not really. It’s… complicated. But the answers weren’t out there, and I don’t know that they’re here either. But I realized a couple of things while I was away, one of which is that ignoring the issue and going away wasn’t resolving anything, and that being with you all of you here is where I belong. That we are stronger together as a pack than I am alone, and that I’ll need you all to help me with this… issue.”
“That will never change, Jacob. We are a pack, brothers bonded in something deeper than blood, and we will always be here for you,” Sam said solemnly.
Under his breath Jacob uttered, “We’ll see if you feel that way when you know.” He stood up and stretched, speaking up, “We should probably have this conversation outside. Less likelihood of fucking up the cabin that way.”
They all looked at each other with concern but followed him out.
Once again, he didn’t know how to say the words, he was at a loss on how to begin. So, he just blurted out the words, letting them be spoken aloud by him for the first time.
“I’ve imprinted on someone.” The words were just as terrifying out loud as they were inside his head.
Before he could continue, to clarify anything though, Jared and Paul laughed. “That’s why you went away? Because you imprinted on someone? Jake c’mon! What is she out of your league or something?” Jared cajoled.
Paul added, “I bet it’s a townie, he probably imprinted on some girl outside the tribe and is all worried about what his dad will think.”
Everyone but Sam laughed and chuckled at their words. Knowing firsthand just how consuming the experience of imprinting could be, he found this no laughing matter.
“C’mon, Jake who is it? Is it Bella?” Quil asked, nudging his arm, “I bet it’s Bella.”
He shook his head, and shoved his hands in his pocket, unsure how to say who, where to possibly start to say who. “I wish it were that simple, at least then it wouldn’t be so bad.”
That seemed to sober them up.
He bit the bullet and muttered, “They’re not even human is what’s worse.”
Sam’s spine straightened even more, if it were possible, tensing up. The others followed suit as one by one, the gears clicked into place.
“I imprinted on one of the leeches,” he spat the word. It felt like venom in his mouth; he couldn’t distinguish if it was because of his disgust toward it being vampire, or because he felt that disgust in the first place.
“What?” they all exclaimed, in a variety of tones. There was shock throughout, sprinkled with disbelief, disgust, distrust, and other tones he couldn’t discern.
They erupted into a flurry of questions and exclamations.
“What do you mean you imprinted on a vamp—”
“A vampire—”
“How is that even—”
“That’s so fucked—”
Sam raised his hand and furrowed his brow, silencing them all with a look, before turning that gaze to him.
“Jacob, are you sure?”
That’s what he wanted to know? If he was sure? What a stupid fucking question. As if that feeling of world realignment could be anything else! As if that moment of rightness followed by the madness of figuring it out wasn't enought! He wasn’t an idiot, and the implication that he could have any feelings other than hate for a vampire when they weren’t forced on him was laughable, it was insulting. But he kept his temper in check.
“Yeah, I’m pretty fucking sure. I do know how it feels like, thanks to you. Direct line to your thoughts, remember?” He tried to keep his tone even, but it still came out harsh.
After a thoughtfully slow nod, Sam continued, “Okay. Okay... We’ll have to ask the council for help with this. Maybe there’s a way to break an imprinting bond. There must be something we can do.”
Jacob froze. He’d not considered that it was an option, and something in him squirmed at the thought of losing that connection. But still, that was the best thing to do, surely! If something could be done to get rid of it altogether, then his problems would be solved, at least mostly. He nodded, “Yes, we’ll ask for their help. The sooner we can sever it the better."
“Do you think that they did something to make you imprint? Maybe they have magics of their own,” Quil said pensively, “Like a spell or something?”
“They’re not witches Quil, don’t be dumb,” Jared said with an eyeroll.
He shook his head, “No, I don’t think so. It happened as soon as I saw him. It was instant. He had no reason to think that I would be in his office, none of them would I don’t think—” And then he froze.
He’d said him.
Fuck.
And of course, it was too much to wish that they didn’t notice that tidbit. It seemed that his good luck had been used up with Bella.
“You imprinted on a guy?” Jared howled with laughter. Quil followed with an unsure chuckle.
“That’s not right,” said Paul with a half-sneer. "Since when are you a fucking queer, Jacob?"
Quil twisted to face him and in a move that no one saw coming, threw a punch across his jaw, snarling, “Shut the fuck up Paul.”
The punch threw Paul off balance, and he fell to the ground, growling and shaking. He stood back up, lightning fast, and made towards Quil, fist curled and ready to fight.
“Paul! Quil!” Sam called out, “Stop acting like children.”
Paul continued to growl and shake, clearly on the brink of phasing.
“Paul, calm down.” This was an order, but it fell on deaf ears. They all knew that Paul was still too volatile to fully control his phasing and they all knew where this was heading.
Quil tensed and took a step back. Instinctively, Sam and Jacob took a step forward, ready to shift and intervene if needed. Sam repeated his order, serious and firm.
But of course, that too was ignored and before them Paul rippled and grew into his wolf form, a massive, dark, silver wolf snarling and ready to jump to rip Quil apart. Without much thought, Sam and Jacob followed.
He made a lunge for Quil, he jumped out of the way and scrambled to phase, not quite being able to do so in his fear. Jacob intercepted him and threw him to the ground, snarling and biting.
‘Paul, stop! You don’t want to hurt your brother,’ he called out with a snarl, hoping to reason with him.
Sam ordered, ‘Control yourself Paul, you are in control of this.’
Paul growled and twisted away from under Jacob, swiping a massive paw at them both.
By now, the other two had phased and were poised to follow Sam’s next command.
‘That little shit fucking punched me, Sam!’ he snapped his jaws in Quil’s direction. ‘You’re going to let him get away with that?’
‘It’s nothing you didn’t deserve!’ Quil bit back.
Sam snarled at them both, ‘I told you both to quit it. Quil, stop antagonizing him,’
They could all feel Paul’s grin.
‘And you did deserve it, Paul, and you know it.’ Sam continued.
Paul growled and bared his teeth.
‘Jacob is our brother, and I will not tolerate any small mindedness from the likes of you. Whatever problem you have with this situation should start and end with concern for the well-being of your brother, understood?’ Sam used his Alpha voice, letting it be known to them all that he would not stand this from any of them.
‘Yes,’ came the almost unanimous response.
Paul, understandably, took longer to answer. In his mind, flashed all the times that Jacob had helped him through his anger-ridden phasing, and how patient he'd been despite the danger he placed himself in when he did so. He tried to consolidate the image he had of Jacob, the strong Beta of the pack who was the epitome of masculinity, with the abstract notion he had of what he expected a gay guy to be. And after a long moment that stretched and stretched as he finally came to the conclusion that who Jacob was was more important than who he'd rather hook up with... he bowed his head in embarrassment and said, 'Yes."
Jacob felt pride, acceptance, and respect. It was his own for Sam and Quil, for standing up for him, but also from them too. He could feel acceptance from them all, even to a small degree from Paul. He could feel the guilt and shame that bled through their minds from the latter. Regardless of his words, Jacob knew that he hadn’t meant to shame Jacob. He didn’t understand, and especially because of all the changes lately, he didn’t like not understanding. Jacob let forgiveness roll towards Paul, silently telling him he didn’t hold it against him.
‘Sorry for punching you,’ Quil said, lowering his head and flattening his ears against his skull.
Paul shook his body and let out a wolfish laugh, ‘Sorry for what? You hit like a girl, Aetera.’
And just like that, the tension melted altogether and the two of them wrestled playfully in the muddied snow. As a pack they checked their borders, and temporarily ignoring the issue that was Jacob’s imprinting.
Notes:
Okay!
So, as of right now, I have four more chapters written, so I will most likely be posting twice a month and hopefully I'll be able to keep up with that schedule, but I'll let you all know if anything changes.
Also, the discord server should be up by the next chapter update in two weeks for all of you still interested😊
(in other news, I've commissioned fan art for our favorite couple 👀 so look forward to that soon!)
Chapter 12: Countdowns
Notes:
As promised, here is the next update!
More in the end notes, as usual.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jacob
The following weeks were stressful and frustrating.
Before alerting the council to the issue, Jacob had the unfortunate task of telling his dad about it.
It had not been an easy conversation. Once he’d told him, Billy had stared back at him with a myriad of expressions, shifting to another before Jacob could decipher that last, and then he’d rolled out of the living room and into his room without a word. When he’d finally resurfaced, like Quil, he assumed that the vampires had something to do with it. He was angry and demanded that Sam count this as a breach of the Treaty.
Claiming that they surely had done something to Jacob to cause this. No matter what Jacob said, Billy would not hear it. The council meeting had been a headache to deal with. They’d all gone back and forth on whether the doctor or any of his coven could have done something to trigger the imprinting, and if there was a malicious reason for it. Billy was adamant that they were trying to find a weakness to exploit, but it was Harry and Sam’s logic that kept the peace.
There was no way for the Cullens to be aware of the nature of imprinting, and no indication that they knew it had occurred in the first place. There had been no movements near the borders, and they’d not done anything in town that could be construed as suspicious. Sam was firm that he would not be the one to break the Treaty and cause a war that could end in death for any of them or the humans they were charged to protect.
Then Harry and Sam had poured over all the legends, written, and spoken, to find any clue that could hint at the possibility of dissolution of an imprint bond, but there was none to be found. Any mention of imprinting was always in the highest form of adoration and connection. Spirit wives. It was spoken and written like fact. The bond between the imprinter and the imprinted was of the spirit, of their soul. Two perfectly matched halves.
But still, they did not lose hope.
While imprinting was often associated with love, and romance, that was not all it was. The wolf-men were bound to whatever roll their imprinted needed them to fill, and while often it ended in marriages, that was not always the case. There were lifelong partnerships between some that were never rooted in love; some in the form of a protector, or a guiding hand. This gave Sam and the rest of the council more to consider.
In the meantime, Jacob was to avoid town at all costs. He was, under no uncertain terms, to avoid any possible meetings with any of the Cullens, but especially Dr. Cullen. And he was upset at this order. He understood why, but it wasn’t necessary. At least he didn’t think so. It was insulting! Did they think that he would sneak away to glance and rendezvous with the leeches? As if.
So, instead, he focused his energies on attending school again, and looking for signs that Embry might be doing better. Embry was still ignoring him and Quil, but there had been changes that none of the pack could ignore; he’d gotten taller lately, shooting up in a way that wasn’t normal for a human. It shouldn’t have been possible, because his mother was Makah, with no blood relations to the Quileutes, but then again, there had always been the question of who his father was. If he phased, then it left no question, Embry was half-brother to either Sam, Quil, or himself. Neither Quil nor he wanted to truly think it was possible, as they both loved their fathers and couldn’t believe that either of them would step out on their respective mothers. Sam already hated his father, who had abandoned him and his mother when he was young, but this would have been one more reason to hate Joshua Uley. Paul and Jared were tasked with watching Embry’s home at night in case he phased soon, as they were the only ones that didn’t have clouded judgement on the subject.
And covertly, he was also making sure that Bella was on the right track in her research of the tribe.
In the end, she didn’t choose a figure from the Quileute legends for her essay, but she had grown an interest in the tribe’s history in the process and had spent many afternoons and a couple weekends with Jacob tracking down books and enjoying more time with the pack. It seemed that the Cullen leech who’d saved her, had also continued to ignore her, which they all took to be a good sign. He could tell that this disappointed and upset Bella. But with newfound friends to occupy her time, she didn’t linger on that too much and had decided to ignore him in turn. Though he knew that it still upset her, this was best for all parties involved.
As February trudged on, he found something inside him itching to leave the reservation. He hated being told that he couldn’t go somewhere, it wasn’t as if he wanted to go into town and see or much less interact with the doctor… it would just be nice to go to Bella’s house every once in a while, and hang out with her in town. Because he couldn’t admit to anyone, much less himself, that his increased jitters and temper might be founded in the fact that he felt something tugging him towards the Treaty line and beyond. So, it took him by surprise when Sam told him that he and the council had reached a new decision.
He was no longer confined to the reservation. Immediately, he felt like phasing and running around to taste his freedom again, which was ridiculous considering that he’d been patrolling with the rest of the pack, and not confined to just home and school. But the joy completely left as Sam continued.
“We think that there’s a reason you imprinted on the leader of the Cullen’s coven. As you know, we’ve continued researching the nature of imprinting, and we came across a pair that we found interesting. There was a point where tensions had been high with the Makah’s and their fear outgrew their tolerance of our ability to shift and keep our lands safe. Fear makes for a deadly weapon, and there was talk of going to war to exterminate Taha Aki’s line, to end our ability to shift. But one of his descendants imprinted on the eldest son of the Makah’s elders. This helped avoid a war, and it wasn’t through an alliance of marriage, but an alliance, nonetheless. They got to know each other and brought peace to the area by understanding each other. Nothing else came about that imprinting, but lasting friendship and peace.
I think that this is a similar situation. As Ephraim Black’s great-grandson, you carry the blood of a Chief and the last Alpha, the blood of a leader. Perhaps you have imprinted on the leader of the Cullens to help us reach an understanding between us that does not rely on a tenuous Treaty. True peace,” he said, looking at him and willing him to understand.
“What? You think I imprinted as a way to what? To forge some friendship with the leeches? That’s not a very good joke, Sam,” he retorted, folding his arms and facing him.
Sam gave him a look, “This has already been decided. The Cullens have been in the area for two years now, and there haven't been any incidents to raise our concern. There have been no mysterious disappearances or deaths. They have kept to the Treaty and went out of their way to advise your father about their arrival, you know as well as I do that, they had no reason to do this if they meant us harm. They have proven with their actions that they are different from the Cold Ones that our ancestors encountered, and I think it’s high time we stop treating them as enemies without due cause.”
“So, what? You want me to cozy up to them and for all of us to be friends and prance around the forest like best friends? Are you insane?” he spat out with disbelief.
“I’m not saying that I expect us to be outright friendly with them, but allies perhaps. They have not given us a reason for their distrust beyond being vampires. We know nothing of them, and as far as we know, they are not that by choice either. I don’t agree with judging them for that alone. We can make better decisions once we know them, instead of living in fear of an attack that may never come. Perhaps you have imprinted on him so we may have an opportunity to learn more about them…” he trailed off thoughtfully.
Jacob didn’t respond initially. He knew that Sam was still struggling with his own imprinting and that things hadn’t improved for him. Leah had been miserable this past month, and it was evident to anyone who saw her that the smiling, carefree girl was gone. In her place, there was a serious, callous person who lashed out at anyone who approached her. She blamed Emily as much as she blamed Sam, thinking that her boyfriend had been messing around with her cousin despite Emily’s denial. For a time, she had been inquiring about Sam with the rest of the pack. It was no secret that they all hung out together. Perhaps she was hopeful that he’d return to her.
Between his own struggles with Emily, finding out that Embry could possibly be his half-brother, keeping an eye on the pack and being a good leader, keeping an eye on their borders and the Cullens, and now dealing with Jacob’s imprinting… Sam had a full plate. He took a deep breath, trying to center himself and release his anger and annoyance. He was Sam’s second-in-command, his Beta, and despite not liking it, this was something he could do to take some of the burden off his shoulders.
“The council agreed? Even my dad?” he asked to stall, still trying to wrap his head around the fact that he’d possibly have to be in contact with the leeches, with him.
Sam shook his head with a sigh, “You know as well as I do that your father is not in agreement with anything that puts us in close proximity and contact with the Cullens. But he is not the only one on the council. Both Harry and Old Quil agreed with me. He’s not happy about it. But I hope that if we can get to know the Cullens more and forge an alliance deeper than the Treaty, one of trust, then he will eventually lessen his fears and his stubbornness. He’s lived in the world of the supernatural, with the knowledge of it, without experiencing firsthand any of it. His fears are those of an outsider, someone on the edge of the supernatural.”
He knew this at least was true. Where before there had been regret of never having been a wolf, especially when Quil’s father died, now there was a father’s fear of losing his son.
“Fine, so I’m supposed to just approach the bloodsucker, and what, say ‘hey, let’s get to know each other?” he asked skeptically.
“No, we’ll set up a meeting with them. With the doctor, at least. Somewhere public to be safe and let him know of our intentions to move past the Treaty through better understanding of each other. Think of it as a diplomatic mission. If he agrees, then we’ll proceed from there.” He stopped and considered something, before continuing, “Jacob, I know this isn’t ideal, but I genuinely think this is for the best. This is an opportunity our blood, your blood, has given us to move past this generational feud with a family who has never shown ill will to us. If you agree to do this, I expect you to treat him with the respect you’d give another stranger. Okay?”
He rolled his eyes in response, “Sure, sure. Respect. Got it. When are we doing this?”
“So, you’ll do this?” There was a tone of surprise in his voice.
“Yes, Sam, I’ll be your designated diplomat in attempts to get to know the lee—” he stopped at the cautioning look Sam gave him, “the Cullens. And who knows, you’re probably right about this whole imprinting business. Better to have imprinted to help the pack reach a better understanding with them than the alternative.”
Because they both knew the alternative was something akin to Jacob having found his soulmate in a vampire. And despite the conflicting feelings he had when he thought of the doctor, it didn’t seem the same as Sam’s feelings for Emily, or even resemble the feelings he had for Leah. So, it made sense that this must have been the nature of his imprinting.
“Alright then. I’ll call Dr. Cullen next week to set up a meeting and see if they’d be interested. I’ll let you know as soon as I have more details.” He grabbed his shoulder and gave it a squeeze in thanks before heading out to patrol with Jared and Paul.
⁂
Jacob returned home and passed out on his bed before he could overthink what he’d agreed to—and what that entailed,
By the end of the week, he could feel the growing anxiousness at the possibility of meeting with the doctor, so he combated it with more time spent with Bella. March had finally come and taken the last of the snow with it, leaving only slush on the roads.
Sometime after school, Bella called him to complain about her day.
“You don’t get it Jake, it really isn’t funny,” she said as he laughed, “All three of them found a way to ask me to the dance. It’s girl’s choice. I thought I was going to be safe! Yesterday Jessica even asked my permission to ask Mike, as if I cared. And then today I basically had to lie when he point-blank told me he was hoping I’d ask him to go. So, now I have to go to Seattle that weekend, because after school Eric was waiting by my truck to ask me, so I had to tell him the same thing. Tyler too. Ugh, and don’t get me started on Edward!”
Jacob froze at this. She hadn’t mentioned him much this past month, but she’d taken to calling him ‘Cullen’ when she was around him or the rest of the pack when she did. But now it was ‘Edward’ again. That didn’t bode well. “What? Did he ask you too?”
“Thankfully, no. But I blame him for giving Tyler the chance to ask me. He was holding up the exit waiting for his siblings and Tyler took that as his chance to ask. But that’s not all. He started talking to me again, the jerk.” Before Jacob could ask or say anything, she continued, “After a month of not even looking my way even though we’re lab partners, he finally decided to talk to me at the end of Bio. And for what? All he said was that it was ‘better if we’re not friends,’ but when I told him that he should have let the van crush me to save himself all the regret he obviously has, he got mad and told me that I don’t know anything. Like, what does that even mean? He’s so infuriating!”
“I hate to sound like a broken record, but even Cullen is telling you the same thing at this point. Just forget about him and ignore him,” he cautioned her once again.
“Yeah, yeah,” she responded, but he could tell by her tone that she didn’t mean it.
He let the subject drop to avoid upsetting her further and told her that he wasn’t grounded anymore so he’d be able to hangout outside of the reservation now. It hadn’t been a lie, technically, it just wasn’t his dad alone who had done the grounding. Due to the weather clearing up, her friends had finally set up a trip to the beach and she invited him and the pack to come. He reluctantly agreed, he’d hoped they could hang out somewhere not on the rez, but he also didn’t mind considering it would be time spent with her too. They’d have other opportunities to hang out elsewhere.
The following day, Sam called him and told him that Dr. Cullen had agreed to meet with him, and in fact sounded quite pleased about it. The doctor had seemed to express sincerity when he said that he looked forward to getting to know the pack better. They set the meeting for that Sunday.
Great.
As if that wasn’t enough, Bella called again with more news.
“So, Edward drove me home today,” she started. He could picture her biting her bottom lip like she did when she was unsure about something.
“Edward Cullen?” he clarified, confused.
“Yup.”
“How’d that happen?”
“That’s not even the weirdest part of my day,” she bemoaned. “After what he said yesterday, I thought he was going to go back to ignoring me, and I was poised to do the same. But at lunch he asked me to sit with him. I’m not entirely sure why I did, but by the end of lunch we’d talked a good bit. Apparently, we’re friends now, but he insists that he’s not a good friend for me, not that he doesn't want to be friends, whatever that means. He also admitted in a roundabout way that he’s something else. At least he didn’t deny it when I told him I’m still trying to figure out what he is.
“As if that wasn’t enough, we were blood typing in Bio. It did not end well for me. I ended up getting faint and Mike had to take me to the nurse.”
He interrupted with a chuckle, “You passed out because of a little blood?”
“No. Just dizzy. The smell makes me feel sick,” she defended herself.
“Wait, don’t you have biology with Cullen?” he asked, suddenly picturing the bloodsucker going ballistic in a science lab and draining Bella and everyone there at the smell of blood.
“Yeah, but he ditched after lunch. He saw me and Mike from his car, though and got worried, I guess. I really didn’t want to go back to class or Gym for that matter, so he convinced the nurse to let me go home for the day. And that’s why he drove me home, the smug bastard,” she finished with a grumble.
He stayed silent.
“Jake? You still there?”
“Yeah, sorry. I just… well, you know I don’t like the idea of you being friends with him. I don’t trust that he just went from ignoring you for a month and is in your good graces again all of a sudden.”
“Well, he probably thought that I was going to tell everyone about him being able to push off the van single-handedly or something. Clearly, he has a secret to keep. I thought you’d appreciate that,” she bit back.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He knew exactly what she meant but didn’t take too kindly to being compared to the leech.
“You know what I mean, Jake, don’t play dumb. It doesn’t suit you,” she replied. “All I’m saying is that I get it. If I had a secret and I thought someone else might have found out in a small, gossiping town like this… I might keep my distance too. And it means that you have your secrets too, but you don’t see me judging you or pushing you away for having them.”
He wanted to argue that it was different, because he wasn’t dangerous, but he recalled the feeling of blood spurting unto his fur when he killed the elk without much effort and instead said, “Just be careful, okay?”
“Yes, dad. Hey, I have to go and get started on homework. I’ll see you tomorrow at the beach?”
He confirmed that she’d see him there and left him to wonder if the bloodsucker felt more comfortable approaching her because the doctor told him he was meeting with someone from the pack. Hopefully, that wasn’t the case, but something told him it didn’t matter either way.
⁂
Meeting Bella’s friends had gone as well as they could have hoped. Which is to say not well. The blonde guy, Mike, had not been happy when he learned that she’d invited him and the rest of the pack. The other blonde, Lauren, in turn, didn’t seem happy that Bella had been invited, but seemed enchanted by the pack . She was quick to talk to Paul, much to his annoyance.
He laughed at Bella’s surprise and awe when Mike tried to impress her with a driftwood fire. She rolled her and stuck her tongue out at him.
Eventually, the group was split as half of them wanted to hike to the nearby tidal pools and the others decided to stay. He and Bella joined the hikers along with Quil and Jared. Paul and Sam excused themselves from the group altogether and left. The former was annoyed at Lauren’s advances, and the latter because he had other plans. In truth, Jacob knew that Sam didn’t want to chance an encounter with Leah. Word was that Seth had annoyed his sister to join him on a beach trip that weekend, and he didn’t want to cause her any discomfort.
Mike had distanced himself from him and Bella, thankfully. Jacob found him annoying. But another boy, Ben, had struck up a conversation with him and Bella. He was nice enough. The tidal pools were pretty in the sun, and Bella found herself enchanted by the sea life, while the others leapt over rocks and horsed around.
Thankfully, the rest of the group got hungry soon enough and they headed back. Good thing too because he was starving.
On the way back, Bella tripped and scraped her hands, much to his amusement and to her embarrassment. She called him a traitor as she marched ahead of him, stumbling once again. It only launched him into further hysterics over her clumsiness.
But all of that faded when they returned. The group they’d left behind had multiplied. Leah, Seth, and Embry were among the newcomers.
Great.
At least Sam wasn’t there, though that didn’t stop Leah from looking for him.
Bella was still pretending to ignore him and had sat next to Angela, the only other person besides Ben that Jacob liked well enough. He stuck with the boy and Quil and noticed Embry looking around awkwardly. He almost asked him over, his resolve to avoid the other boy breaking at seeing him look so lonely and on the outskirts of the group, but Angela beat him to it.
Embry sat next to Bella and Angela with a thankful, small smile.
He half paid attention to the conversation taking place in front of him in favor of half-listening to the conversation taking place between him, Bella, and Angela.
They were talking about growing up in different places, he in La Push, Angela in Forks, and Bella in California and Arizona. He even mentioned being friends with Quil and Jacob with bitterness. This had caught Bella’s attention and Jacob was quick to feign interest in the conversation taking place in his own group to avoid her gaze.
That wasn’t ideal.
He avoided listening to their conversation further, Bella would probably ask him about it later.
Eventually, as people finished eating, they started drifting away in groups of twos and threes. Ben invited him and Quil to another hike, asking them if they knew of another nearby area to explore. Despite wanting to stay back with Bella, he agreed, and he and Quil lead him and others on another hike.
It was actually fun; Ben had a wicked sense of humor and some of the others had decided to chase each other around in a game of tag. Despite the fact that he and Quil were holding back, they were considerably faster than the others and it made for a more fun game. They eventually had to turn back, the clouds overhead promised rain, but he was glad that he’d agreed to go with Ben and the rest of them. Even Eric wasn’t so annoying when he wasn’t clearly trying to impress Bella.
Once they were back, he searched for Bella, but he didn’t immediately see her. He asked Jared and he nodded over to the beach. She was walking side by side with Embry, they seemed deep in conversation. He sighed internally; something told him that she was going to be upset with him about Embry. God knows what he was telling her.
Mike and Jessica wandered over to them, searching for Bella too. They’d decided to head back to Forks before the rain descended. He pointed to where she was and watched as she said goodbye to Embry and walked back with her friends.
She avoided his gaze as she passed him.
Yup, she was upset. He walked after her and pulled her aside hoping to do some damage control. She flinched when he touched her shoulder.
“Hey, everything okay?” he asked gently, raising his palms.
“Yeah, they just want to head back before the rain.” She didn’t meet his gaze, instead looking towards the beach. “I should help them pack up.” She started walking away, hands in her pockets, and shoulders hunched over.
“Wait, Bella. What’s going on? Did Embry say something to you?” he asked, stopping her from leaving. Something was wrong. She didn’t seem upset, or rather, not just upset. She was nervous, like she couldn’t wait to leave.
“We talked, yeah. He told me some interesting things. About you. And about Sam and your friends… look, I really should help pack up.” This time she was quicker to turn and walk away.
“Alright, we’ll talk later then?” He called after her.
She glanced behind her to nod at him and then continued walking. So, Embry hadn’t just talked about how he and Quil had stopped talking to him. Sam too. Just what had he said to her? And why did he get the sense that it wasn’t good.
Notes:
The discord server is live!
It is still under construction, and more things will be added in the coming days, but I promised it would be up by next update and we're there sooo, here's the link!
https://discord.gg/jAVM3xWxH9
And to get you all excited...next update our star-crossed lovers will have their much awaited official meeting!
As always, thank you for your continued support, I look forward to seeing you in the server and in the comments like usual, you all make my day with Kudos and Comments! 🥰♥️
Chapter 13: A Shot in the Dark
Notes:
Apologies for the delay, I've been in a depressive slump and totally forgot to upload on Monday, but... here it is! The awaited meeting of our lovebirds! 🥰♥️ I'm so excited for you all to read this!!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Carlisle
A month had passed between the almost accident with Bella, and Jacob Black’s sudden appearance in his office. Initially, he’d wanted to reach out to Billy to make sure there were no misunderstandings, but after speaking with his family the next day, they all disagreed, for the most part anyway. There was no need to communicate with them and perhaps invoke their anger.
He disagreed, but acquiesced. Billy Black had been none too thrilled when he’d first called two years ago; and there was no reason to think that two years would have changed his mind.
Which is why he was pleasantly surprised when he received a call on Wednesday evening before heading home for the day.
“Dr. Cullen, I’m sorry,” Doreen, the receptionist, said through the phone, “there’s a young man on the phone looking for you. I told him that he was welcome to call during your office hours, but he says it’s urgent. Something about the La Push reservation? I told him that you don’t do house calls—”
He interrupted her softly, “That’s alright, Doreen. Put through, please.”
“Of course, sir. Here he is.” She fumbled with the receiver and the line changed.
“This is Dr. Cullen,” he greeted. “How can I assist you, mister…?”
“Hello, Dr. Cullen. My name is Sam Uley. Do you have a moment to speak freely?”
“I’m getting ready to leave my office now, perhaps I could call you from my car?” he offered.
“That’s fine,” he rattled off a series of numbers. “That’s my number. I expect your call shortly then.”
“Yes, of course,” he replied before the other line cut off.
Sam Uley. He must be Levi Uley’s descendant then. He sounded too young to be a tribal elder, and if it was he, instead of Billy Black that was calling, then it was likely that he’s the leader of the current pack. That was the most likely possibility anyway. When he first spoke with Billy Black, he was unsure if there had been a pack, still. It seemed impossible that the pack they’d met was still alive, but having no actual knowledge of them, led them to assume that there was no pack. That is, until Edward read Jacob’s mind at the accident. It wasn’t until after he began ignoring Bella that he’d confirmed that Jacob had thought of ‘the pack’, insinuating that there was one again.
He was still unsure how the Quileute wolves functioned and if there was a new pack every generation, or if it was random. It was fascinating! He finished packing the rest of his work into his briefcase and left the office, making sure to bid good night to the incoming night staff as he did.
Once inside his car, he dialed.
Immediately, Sam picked up, “That was quick.”
“Like I said, I was on my way out. May I call you Sam?” he asked politely.
“Please, do. Is Dr. Cullen okay with you?” He sounded tense, like this wasn’t a conversation he’d been looking forward to having.
“I prefer Carlisle, but whatever you’re most comfortable with is fine,” he answered.
“Carlisle, right. Well, pleasantries aside, I’m sure you’re curious about my call. I am the leader of the pack, and I figured that it was time that you and I were acquainted. Billy told me that you called ahead of time before you returned to the area. You didn’t have to do that, yet you did. Why?”
Carlisle smiled, “It was the right thing to do. We made a Treaty with the Quileute many years ago, but there was no end date to it. I thought it was only polite that I try to communicate our intentions to return and to remind the tribe that we will continue to uphold it.”
He was met with silence for a couple of seconds before Sam continued with a sigh, “Look, this isn’t easy for me, I have generations worth of instincts that tell me you and your family are my enemy. But I’m trying to change that if you’re willing to meet me halfway. Your actions since your return have matched your word, and I’d like to think that with some work… we might be able to trust each other more than we do now.”
“Why now?” he mused. They’d been here for two years after all, and this was the first time the wolves tried to communicate with them at all.
“My pack is young, but young as we are, we’ve inherited the duty of protecting our lands from all who would pose a threat to it. It takes its toll to be paranoid at all times, and I want to change that.” He spoke with great maturity that made Carlisle hopeful about the nature of this conversation.
“We’ve never meant to impose hardship on you or yours, Sam,” he said sincerely, “And I’m sorry if our presence here has caused that, but I would be happy to help. What did you have in mind?”
“I believe you’ve met my second in-command, Jacob Black. We were hoping that he could meet with you on a regular basis so we may… get to know you all more. To understand you. I hope that with more understanding, trust and allyship could be born.”
Something akin to shock filled him. Perhaps not shock, perhaps it was hope. He’d never imagined that the Quileute would be amenable to something beyond the Treaty, and yet it sounded like that’s exactly what Sam was proposing.
“Met would be a kind way to put it, he bolted before proper introductions could be made, but I know who you’re talking about, yes,” he said lightly, with humor. “And yes, I would certainly agree to meeting with him and speaking. I would also hope that these conversations allow me and my family to get to know you all, as well?” He posed this as a question, unsure if this arrangement would allow for his own curiosity about the wolves to find answers. Carlisle did not have Jasper’s or even to some extent Rosalie’s paranoia regarding the wolves, but he was still a cautious person. Trust was not a one-way street.
“Of course,” Sam replied echoing his own thoughts, “that’s where trust begins.”
“When would you be available to meet?” It was difficult to keep his enthusiasm from his voice. “Or rather, Jacob?”
“Does Sunday work?”
“Yes, it does. I’d offer my home as a meeting place, but—”
“Maybe a more public and neutral setting would be appropriate for a first meeting,” interrupted Sam.
Carlisle laughed faintly, “Of course, I was going to suggest the same. Whatever puts you most at ease, perhaps a restaurant or coffee shop? I’m afraid I’m not too familiar with places either given my… diet. But I’ve heard the nurses talk about Forks Coffee shop before, perhaps that would be better?”
“That’s fine. Does noon work for you?”
“I’m available all day, so yes.” After agreeing on those details, neither had anything else to add and bid each other goodnight.
This was so thrilling! He’d finally have an opportunity to learn more about the wolves. His long existence bred curiosity for all supernatural phenomena, and the closest things to the Quileute wolves he knew of were the Children of the Moon, true werewolves that were terrifying creatures. He’d only known of them through legends and the stories told by the Volturi, but Caius was far from an impartial source. But the Quileute were nothing like them. For one, they could shift at will, at least he believed that was the case, whereas the Children of the Moon only shifted during the fullest phase of the moon. Their forms were also wildly different. In their changed form, the Children of the Moon did not entirely resemble actual wolves; their forelegs were more powerful than their hind legs, and they still had usable hands with opposable thumbs. In addition, their stance is more upright, making their movement somewhat ape-like, rather than entirely canine.
The Quileute wolves were just that, wolves. Massive wolves, granted, but wolves, nonetheless. And through his limited experience, it seemed that they kept their rational mind with them when they phased, unlike their counterparts that were wild creatures when phased.
The opportunity to know them better was incredible, and his curious and scientific mind was already coming up with questions to ask.
There was another part of him, though, that was equally intrigued about the situation. For reasons he couldn’t quite decipher, he was giddy at the prospect of getting to know Jacob too. He’d done his best to keep the young man out of his mind this past month, and for the most part, he’d been successful, but still… there was something inexplicably interesting about him. Again, this could be a result of his unending curiosity to know the unknown, but there was something more beyond curiosity.
Regardless, there would be time to know more about him and the wolves. No sense in speculation now.
When he arrived, Edward was nowhere in sight. This had been a regular occurrence the past month. He’d run every night and hunt more than usual, anything he could do to keep the girl safe. Alice had been irritating him to no end with her visions, insisting that she wanted to meet the girl who would become like a sister to her, but he always shut her down by reminding her of the other future that Alice so often saw, the girl’s death.
He sighed, all he wanted for his children was happiness and though Edward had never quite had that in the century they’d been together, this was the most miserable he’d ever seen his son and it hurt him to witness that pain. Carlisle truly believed that Edward had the control and capacity to befriend the girl and not harm her, and if Alice’s vision could be believed, even love her. He’d learned long ago not to bet against Alice.
And perhaps it was his optimism, but that second, dark future she saw, he believed to be derived from Edward’s fears more than anything else. As long as he truly feared himself the monster, that future would always be. He was hopeful that this too would change, he prayed for it.
The only wrench in the first future was the outcome of Bella becoming like them. A vampire. Alice was sure that those were the only two futures for her now. But if that meant one of them, most likely himself, turning Bella… that would break the Treaty. The wolves were clear that injuring a human being was only second to turning them. They saw it as tantamount to murder.
It was just as well that things might change with this new… correspondence between them. Perhaps with enough time, and in the right circumstances, they would allow that to happen too. But that was, hopefully, far enough in the future that it wasn’t worth worrying about just yet. First, he had to make a good impression and hope that friendship between them could be forged.
The rest of his family was scattered throughout the house. Esme was redecorating her room; since her return a week ago, she’d been purchasing and decorating the room to her liking. She shared the top floor with Edward. Originally, this had been his room, but as he had no need for sleep, was enough. His study was enough for him, and by no means was it small, so he was happy to acquiesce the space to her.
Alice was assisting her with decorating her closet and making suggestions for a girl’s trip to Vancouver to go shopping for more since it would be sunny here until Wednesday.
Jasper was in his study writing.
Emmett and Rose were in the garage modifying his Jeep, again.
It was well enough that Edward wasn’t there just now. He was having trouble keeping his train of thought away from the meeting on the weekend. He wasn’t going to keep it a secret from his family, but he’d rather not be confronted about it before he was ready to tell them. This gave him ample opportunity to gather his thoughts and come up with answers to the many questions they would likely have. Especially Jasper and Rosalie.
⁂
The next evening, Edward was actually home, and playing the piano when he arrived. It was a new melody, something Carlisle hadn’t heard before. Esme was listening with enchantment on her face, and they shared a look as he entered the house. Something had changed in Edward’s posture, he was more… relaxed.
Edward scoffed good naturedly at his thought.
‘Has something happened, Edward?’ thinking it rather than saying in case he’d rather not talk about it.
They hadn’t had a chance to speak since the day before last.
“Later,” he said as he shook his head, turning away from the piano.
He nodded and sighed, “I actually have some news for everyone.” Jasper and Emmet’s elaborate chess game paused, and they moved to the greater room, joining Rosalie, who looked to be in a foul mood. Alice skipped in a beat later and joined Jasper’s side. Edward cocked his head to the side as he looked into his mind.
“I received a call from the leader of the Quileute wolf pack the other night. They’d like to start meeting with the intent to get to know each other better and perhaps become allies in the future.”
Jasper immediately tensed, “Is that wise? What if this is just a ruse? A way to learn more about us, our strengths, and weaknesses so they can better know how to dispatch us?”
“I don’t think that’s the case,” he reassured, “Sam seemed genuine in his interest in peace. He was clear that this was a way for us to know them too. I don’t think that they’d offer that if they had the intent to fight us.”
“Great, as if dealing with Edward and his little human wasn’t enough, now we have to worry about the mutts?” Rosalie scoffed, crossing her arms, looking to Alice.
She pressed her lips together momentarily.
“You knew?” Edward asked, baffled.
She nodded, “Carlisle disappeared suddenly on Sunday in a vision.” She was quick to raise her hands in defense, “Nothing bad! He just disappeared. I don’t think I can see them. But I figured that Carlisle would tell us whatever he had planned when he was ready. And he has, so there.” He smiled and nodded in thanks to her.
“That’s even more reason to not do this,” exclaimed Jasper. “If Alice can’t see them, then we have no idea what they have planned for the future either.”
“Well, that’s not exactly true, Jazz,” Alice countered, “I can’t see them, or when they’re with us, so we disappear when we’re with them. But I still see our future, Carlisle is there too. One beyond the time we have planned here in Forks too, so I don’t think they mean us harm.”
He smiled again, “Nor do I. Moreover, I am more than capable of defending myself should something happen on Sunday.”
“We could come back early from hunting,” offered Edward, “so you could be sure. I can hear their thoughts.”
“Aw, man!” complained Emmett.
“I don’t think that will be necessary, Edward, thank you. If we are to enter into a new partnership with the wolves, it must be with trust. Sam has already confirmed that it will just be one of them at this meeting. I will not betray that trust and have any of you there.”
Esme chimed in, “I agree. This could be an opportunity to know more about our neighbors. There’s no reason to think ill of their intentions. They’ve had two years to act, and they haven’t. We should be glad that they wish to be allies. Not everything should be looked at with suspicion.”
It didn’t take much convincing after that.
Rosalie was still cross with Edward about something, and not soon after he and Emmett were on their way out to Goat Rocks for a hunting trip. He asked Alice for help on Sunday.
It was supposed to be fairly sunny, which was a problem considering that they would be meeting in public, and at noon no less. But with her help, they were able to come up with a plan. There would be enough clouds so that he could get in and out of the car without much problem. And due to the sunny weekend, most people would be out of Forks, enjoying the rare weather. Armed with some appropriate clothes, it would be fine.
He supposed that being upfront about that with Jacob would be helpful too. Maybe in the name of this hopeful alliance he would even help and make sure there were no others around when it came time to return to his vehicle. The only thing he would keep to himself would be Charlotte and Peter’s incoming visit. They did not share their lifestyle, but they did not hunt in the area out of respect. That was enough for Carlisle to keep them from the wolves’ knowledge; there was no need to endanger Jasper’s longtime friends, because surely the wolves would not share Carlisle’s views and let that pass.
He glanced at the clock in his office and sighed, Sunday was still days away, and time seemed to crawl as if to irk him.
⁂
Carlisle tapped on the steering wheel nervously as he sped down the highway. He was eternally grateful for the dark tint of the windows when the sun would peek past the drifting clouds, especially as he reached town. There was no need for him to have a map in a town this small, it was easy to remember where everything was in relation to each other; the chosen café, like most things in town, was just off the highway and he pulled into the parking lot in a swift manner. A glance at his watch told him he would be able to leave the car in thirty seconds. The passing cloud would give him enough cover so he wouldn’t have to race to the front door, permitting him to walk with calmness he didn’t quite feel.
Once inside, the hostess greeted him in a forcefully cheery voice, as she wrote something on a notepad, “Hi, welcome in. For how many?” and then looked up, blushed, and unconsciously ran her hands on her apron, “For one? We have seating at the counter if you’d like.”
“Ah, no, my friend will be joining me shortly,” he looked over the dining room, it was packed. “Any chance for a booth?”
She quickly glanced down at her laminated seating chart and then to the dining room, craning her neck, and then turning back so quickly that her ponytail smacked into her face, she blushed, “Sorry, it’ll probably be a bit of a wait. This is our usual after church rush. Maybe fifteen minutes?” Again, she blushed, and fidgeted with her pen.
He smiled kindly, “No worries, I’ll wait over here for my friend.” He sat in one of three mismatched chairs by the entrance. There was a stone awning over the entrance that kept the sun away, so he relaxed and waited with another quick smile at the young girl who kept glancing his way.
Not long after, movement caught his attention by the awning. The door yanked open, and a small bell tinkled announced the arrival of one Jacob Black. His heartbeat was quick, probably nervous, but Carlisle was again taken aback by his scent. There was a hint of the mossy smell of the area, but underneath there was that impossible smell of a place lost to time.
He looked very serious, but it was the type of seriousness that seemed forced, likely trying to look more mature, and older than he really was. He spared a glance at the full dining room before approaching Carlisle. Ever the gentleman, Carlisle rose from his seat and extended his hand, but Jacob glanced at his offered hand like it had teeth, so he smiled and lowered it.
“Hello, Jacob. It’s a pleasure to officially meet you. I’m—”
“Can we do this out there?” Jacob interrupted, glancing at the hostess, who blushed at being caught staring again.
He nodded and held the door open for Jacob to exit. The young man crossed his arms immediately, “Sorry, for interrupting, or whatever, but I don’t think this going to work.” Disappointment flooded Carlisle’s system, but before he could ask why, he continued, “There’s way too many people here. There’s no way we’ll be able to discuss anything worthwhile with all those nosey, busybodies listening in. Can we go somewhere else?”
“Yes, I suppose I hadn’t considered it would be that busy. What did you have in mind?”
“I don’t know, I don’t live here.” The irritation was clear.
“I apologize, I didn’t mean to suggest that you did. I only wanted to make sure you felt comfortable wherever we decide. I’m afraid I do have some limitations, considering the clear weather, though,” he mused.
“What, you’ll catch fire or something?” Jacob rolled his eyes, infinitesimally more relaxed.
He ducked his head to laugh, “Or something. Perhaps you’ll have an opportunity to see.” His attempt at humor was received with a raised eyebrow.
“Anyway, I passed another coffee shop on my way in, it’s a drive-thru, but we could park in a public area if that makes you more comfortable,” he offered. The young man hesitated, looking between his shiny black Mercedes, and an older model truck. The only car that stood out in the parking lot was his own new model car. All the others were older models that fit in with the sleepy town. Perhaps he was embarrassed about being seen with him in the ostentatious, and easily recognizable vehicle. He almost offered to let Jacob drive them in truck, but it had no tint and would be an issue.
“Yeah, that’s fine. Do you mind driving us there? Gives you incentive to return me for the truck.”
Carlisle couldn’t tell if that had been a joke or not, but smiled nonetheless, “Of course, I wouldn’t mind at all. You will be returned safe and sound, rest assured.”
“Right,” he replied tersely, motioning with his arm ahead of him, “after you, I guess.”
“Ah, I’m afraid we’ll have to wait for some cloud cover. The sun,” he said as an explanation. “It should only be a moment.” He could see the shadow from a cloud approaching them. His grunt was his response. As soon as it touched the awning, he walked to the vehicle with practiced, careful speed. He opened the door for Jacob once again, earning him a strange look, before he entered the vehicle himself.
“I apologize; I didn’t mean to patronize. It’s a habit is all,” he said as he started the car.
Jacob was too busy looking behind him and admiring the car’s interior, whistling lowly. “Fancy car, too fancy for Forks, don’t you think?”
“Perhaps, but there are certain comforts we allow ourselves, and fast cars are one of them.” He pulled out of the parking lot and continued north to where he saw the small, drive-thru hut. He caught the name on a small sign and laughed softly.
“What?” Jacob asked, looking around.
“The shop’s name. It’s called A Shot in the Dark. It just seemed amusing considering our meeting. That’s how we’re here, because of Sam making a shot in the dark of his own,” he glanced at Jacob bemused.
“Right,” he drew out the vowel and rolled his eyes.
They pulled up to the drive-thru and the woman stared at him for a moment before smiling and asking for his order.
“Just a moment please,” Carlisle said as he turned to ask Jacob, “What would you like?”
Jacob looked nervous again as he leaned to read the menu by the window, wary to not get too close to him. After a few moments, he cleared his throat, “I’ll just get a black coffee.”
Carlisle nodded and relayed that to the woman and added, “Can I also have an apple cinnamon fritter, and a mocha?” He could feel the curious gaze that Jacob was giving him but ignored it as the woman handed him the saran-wrapped pastry and their drinks. He handed her a twenty, “Keep the change.”
He handed the drink holder to Jacob, carefully making sure that their hands didn’t touch, not wanting to make him uneasy.
“Why order food if you can’t eat it? Unless…?” he wondered with suspicion and narrowed eyes.
“No, I cannot eat this food. But it’s good to keep up appearances. You may have them if you’d like, I saw you eyeing the pastry platter.”
Jacob furrowed his eyebrows and reached into his back pocket, “Right, here then—”
Sensing his intention, Carlisle stopped him, “It’s my treat, please. No, need to get that out. Your drink too, it’s the least I can do for meeting with me. I’m sure it’s not comfortable. Your great-grandfather mentioned that our smell is rather strong for you…” He thought about mentioning that in the past the pack had a uniquely strong scent too, but seeing as that wasn’t the case, maybe it was more prudent to not say anything in case Jacob thought it was an insult to his ancestors.
“Thanks, I guess. And no, it’s fine. Your smell I mean,” he said tersely and looked out the window, “Maybe we can go to the park, it’s public enough.”
Carlisle nodded and drove them there. They were both silent, neither sure what to say. He let himself inhale inconspicuously, taking in the delicate and comforting smell of Jacob again. Once parked, he turned as much as he could in the limited space and motioned for Jacob to eat.
He did, carefully, trying not to get the crumbs on the upholstery. But neither said anything, the silence growing more awkward.
After another moment, he cleared his throat, “Let’s start over, shall we? Pretend this was our intent all along? Meeting here, I mean.”
Another eye roll, “Sure, like that’s not just as awkward. I’m Jacob, I’m the Beta of my pack, you already spoke with Sam, our Alpha. I’m a giant wolf, you?” His tone was sarcastic, but playful.
Carlisle wet his lips, as he smiled, playing along, “Very nice to meet you, Jacob. I’m Carlisle Cullen. For all intents and purposes, I suppose I’m the leader and patriarch of my family. And as you know, I’m a vampire.” It was strange, as long as he’d lived, he’d never introduced himself as such. There was no need with others of his kind, and even when he’d changed his family, he’d never used that word to explain what they were.
“See? Awkward,” he scoffed around a bite of the fritter.
“I’m sorry, I suppose I wasn’t quite sure what else to say. I wasn’t sure how to start… this.”
“Right. ‘This’ being Sam’s idea of diplomacy. Like we’re all going to be chums.”
“Do you disagree?” He wondered why Jacob had been given the job of speaking for the pack if he disagreed with Sam’s directive.
“Look, I don’t know. What I do know is that you and your family are bloodsucking monsters, but you insist that you’re different. But I don’t know that I trust that,” he said with derision, meeting his eye for a second before looking ahead.
He pursed his lips, “I understand your hesitation, believe it or not. I’m sure you’ve heard tales of others of my kind who do not share our lifestyle, but I can assure you that we do not hunt humans and have no intention of ever changing that. Despite our nature, we do not wish to be the monsters we are capable of being.”
“So, you agree that you’re monsters.”
“We’re not perfect, Jacob, not by far. But we do our best with the life we were given.”
“Yeah, but not being perfect for a normal person doesn’t usually end in murdering someone for their blood, does it?” he shot back.
“No, it doesn’t. But one could argue that if you were to lose control, you could be just as dangerous, no?” He didn’t say this with the intent to antagonize, merely to provide a reasonable argument that being capable of atrocities did not mean that they committed them.
Jacob huffed and looked out the passenger window as he drank his coffee, “Yeah, well, I’ve never killed anyone, can you say the same?”
A smile formed on his lips again, “I can, actually. I’ve never killed a human before.”
Jacob turned to him in shock, and narrowed his eyes, “Ever?”
“No, never.”
An argument was forming in Jacob’s head, Carlisle could almost see the gears turning in his mind. “Well, what about your so-called family? Just stumble unto them?”
He looked away, ashamed.
“Yeah, I thought not. That might as well be murder, the way I see it. That’s six murders by my count.”
“Four,” he whispered, as if that made his crime any lesser.
Jacob gazed at him quizzically.
“I only turned four of them; Alice and Jasper joined our family after they had been turned. But yes, I turned the others. Perhaps it was selfish, but can you believe I turned the rest of my family with good intentions?” Before the other could scoff or rebuke him, he continued, “Edward was dying of the Spanish Influenza, already left for dead by everyone else. His mother had seemed to intuit that I was something else… she begged me to save him. Begged me. So, I did. Esme, I’d met when she was young. She was so kind and loving. When I saw her next a decade later, life had not treated her kindly. She’d lost her newborn son and threw herself from a cliff. She’d been taken straight to the morgue. How could I not try to give her a chance for a better life after that?
“Rosalie… Esme found her beaten and left for dead on the street by someone she trusted. Esme begged me to save her too. How could I refuse her? After her, I promised myself, promised her, that I’d never turn someone again. But two years later, she’d found her mate, her Emmett, mauled by a bear. She asked me to turn him as penance for turning her. So, I did. But none after that. None after the Treaty was drawn up.” The words left him almost without his permission, like he needed Jacob to understand that he wasn’t a monster.
Silence filled the car again.
“You’ve really never killed a human before?” Skepticism colored his voice.
It seemed that Jacob understood to a certain extent and was willing to overlook him turning some of his family.
Carlisle breathed again, “I have not. I was turned in a time where vampires, witches, werewolves even, were not things of myth but a real fear people had. When I was turned, I tried everything I could think of to end myself, but nothing worked. I didn’t want to be a monster either,” he whispered that last part, “But by chance, I found that I could sustain myself on the blood of animals. I spent the next two centuries mastering my control. If I could use my extended lifetime to help, then that’s what I wanted to do, so I turned to the medical profession. The scent of human blood no longer affects me.”
“Wait. Wait a minute, just how old are you?” Jacob asked, perturbed.
“I just celebrated my three-hundred and sixty second birthday last year,” he stated, self-conscious.
“Jesus Christ!” he exclaimed; eyes wide.
He only answered with a tight smile.
Another beat of silence and then Jacob sighed, uncertainty still in his tone, “Well, kudos, I guess. I’m sure it wasn’t easy.”
“It certainly took a lot of practice,” he acquiesced. “Look, Jacob, I believe, like Sam, that we could come to trust each other with time. But I’m no fool in believing that it will happen overnight. I know it will take work, and honesty. I’m prepared to do that, but if you truly believe that it won’t work, then that’s okay too. I’d hate to think that you’ll be forced to spend your time with me if you think nothing will come of it.”
“It’s not that,” Jacob said hurriedly, “there’s just a lot to process, okay? All I know is what the legends say about you and your kind. It’s hard to just erase that… but I’m willing to try.” He met his gaze and held it this time, and something seemed to pass between them, understanding perhaps.
“I certainly understand that. Whatever question you have, I’ll do my best to answer, then.”
Jacob finished his coffee quickly and then blurted out, “The sun. You said it was a problem. But you can obviously be out during the daytime. Why?”
He chuckled in response, “It’d be better if I show you, I think.” He switched on the car and opened the sunroof slightly, letting in some rays of light. The park was busy, but there was no one near the car. It should be safe enough for this. Without much more fanfare, he rolled up the sleeve of his sweater and let his arm fall into the light. Immediately, the inside of the vehicle was sudden filled with the refracted light that bounced off his skin. Through his own eyes, the skin looked less glittering, as most humans would perceive it, but almost as if it was shimmering with live fire. He could better understand where the myth of the burning effects of the sun came from.
Carlisle spared a glance at Jacob, gauging his reaction. Multiple emotions crossed the young man’s face at once, amazement and awe, confusion, embarrassment. He noticed how his hands were balled at his sides, as if to keep from reaching out.
“Does it hurt?” he finally asked.
“Not at all.”
“What about the other vampire stuff? Like garlic, and coffins? How much of it is real?” he asked in quick succession.
“I was wondering if perhaps we could trade off? You ask a question and I answer and then I’ll ask a question and you answer? I’ll admit I’m quite curious about you, as well,” he said, bowing his head in mild embarrassment.
Jacob whipped his head to face him, the mocha he’s started to sip almost spilling as he lost his grip on it in surprise. Carlisle shifted his arm lightning fast to catch the drink before it spilled and placed it in the cupholder all in the same second.
“Shit! Sorry!” he said, half jumping in surprise at Carlisle’s speed.
“No harm done; I apologize if I alarmed you. I suppose I never had reason to worry about spills in the car before,” he joked.
“Still, I should have been more careful. But what did you mean curious about me?”
“You and your pack. You’re unlike anyone else I’ve met in my lifetime; that breeds a certain amount of curiosity, I suppose,” he clarified.
“The pack, yeah. I guess it’s only fair that I answer your questions too. Shoot,” said Jacob, shrugging his shoulders.
“I’ll answer your question first. Regarding the myths, most of them are false I’m afraid. We do not need to be invited to enter a home, no more than any person, anyhow. Garlic has no effect on us, no food does. It’s much like dirt is to you in that manner. Holy water, and crosses for that matter, do not bother us either. What else…?” he thought.
“Coffins? Turning into bats?” Jacob provided.
“That would be a no for both. We actually don’t sleep at all, so there is no need for a coffin. And the only one who can turn into another animal in this vehicle is yourself,” he jabbed good naturedly.
“Hm. So, what can you do? Besides glistening in the sun and moving fast as hell,” he almost sounded disappointed, like he expected more.
Here was Carlisle’s first test of full honesty. He could easily lie and say that supernatural speed, strength, and senses altogether were all the gifts that they had, then his family’s advantage of additional abilities would be safe. But that was the same thing as admitting that he wasn’t willing to trust Jacob, and the pack by extension, with that information. And that wasn’t the case. Something in him whispered that Jacob could be trusted.
“Well,” he began, “our senses are enhanced. We have acute hearing, and the like. As you saw, we can move exceptionally fast. We’re also much stronger than we seem. Additionally… sometimes when we are turned we develop an additional gift. I theorize that this is merely an extension of human traits we had, and they are merely amplified once we turn. In our family, there are several of us who are gifted. My son, Edward, can read the minds of those around him. Alice can see into possible futures. Jasper can perceive and influence emotions around him.” As he finished, he raised his head to catch Jacob’s eyes, wanting him to understand the weight of the information he was volunteering.
But that wasn’t needed. Jacob’s expression made it clear that he understood the gravity of what he’d heard.
“You didn’t have to tell me that…” he whispered, almost in surprise. “So, why did you?”
He sighed, “Because I meant it when I say that I believe in a future where we can be more than what we are now, which is wary quasi-strangers. I can’t possibly hope to ever be more than that if I’m not honest. And I trust that anything you learn about me, about us, won’t be used against us, just like nothing you tell me would be used against you.”
“I wasn’t sure if I believed you before… but it’s hard to second guess your intentions when you’re being so open about everything.” He blinked hard, like he was processing something. “Do you mind if we pick this back up another day? You can ask the questions next, promise. I should probably report back, let them know I’m alive… and that you’re not half as bad as I expected.” The last part was said in an almost joking way. It made Carlisle smile.
“Not at all,” he put the car in reverse and headed down towards their original meeting spot. The car was filled with silence again, but this time it felt contemplative instead of heavy.
As Jacob unbuckled his seatbelt when they arrived, he grabbed his phone and handed it to Carlisle, “This wasn’t a complete disaster, for a first meeting. If you give me your number, we’ll set another meeting soon, yeah?”
Carlisle nodded as he handed back the phone, his number on the screen, “Of course. I won’t have work until Wednesday due to the weather, but we certainly don’t have to meet again so soon if you don’t want to.”
As he saved the number he said, “No time like the present, Dr. Cullen. We’ll aim for Tuesday or Wednesday?”
“Carlisle, please. And yes, that’s fine. We’ll have to meet in seclusion again, but if that’s not an issue, that’s perfectly fine.”
“Sure, sure, I don’t mind. And I think I’ll stick to Doc for now,” he said as he stretched and opened the door.
“Have a good rest of your day, Jacob. Drive safe,” he said with a wave as the other departed with a salute and half-grin.
On his drive home, a thought wormed his way into his head that worried him. As he took in Jacob’s lingering scent, he’d thought, ‘If a half-grin could be that lovely, how much more stunning could he look with a full smile directed at me.’
Notes:
I've set up the next couple of chapters to auto-upload the second and fourth week of the month so should this (this being a depressive slump) happen again, the chapters and progress of the story won't be affected as much
Chapter 14: Murphy's Law
Notes:
New narration format is bring introduced here!
From now on the POV will shift between our two handsome leads in any given chapter, so hopefully it itsn't too disorienting.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Carlisle
The distressing thought had caused him to be unconsciously tense, crushing the leather covering and the steel-made internal support of the steering wheel into one with a screeching crunch. Immediately, he released the hold he had on the remnants of the steering wheel. It was still functional, the steering column itself intact, thank goodness, but he silently chided himself for the loss of control. At least Rosalie would have something to work on these following sunny days.
But the thought was still troubling.
He’d known that there was something intriguing, and fascinating about Jacob, but never in his centuries-long existence would he have thought it to be… attraction. It simply couldn’t be!
Jacob was a for God’s sake!
When he’d done research on Ephraim’s descendants in preparation for the move to Forks he’d come across Billy Black, his grandson. In his research he also saw that he was a widow and had three children: the twins Rebecca and Rachel, and a young son, Jacob Black. Carlisle recalled thinking that Edward was simultaneously only a year older than Jacob but had lived nearly twice as long as his father. ‘So young’ he’d thought.
He certainly didn’t look his age; Jacob was nearly as tall as he was, his face almost completely free of that boyish softness, and held himself with the confidence of a man, not that of a waifish, ego-ridden teen. If Carlisle hadn’t already known his age, he would have wagered he was nineteen perhaps, he could even pass for twenty. Surely that had to do with the wolves’ divergence from humanity… he must ask about that next time.
Still!
Where had that thought come from? In all his years, he’d never thought about anyone as personally attractive. Sure, he could appreciate beauty and readily admit when it crossed him, but never in association with him. It was always as if marveling at a work of art. Rosalie was a clear example. She was undisputably beautiful, as if carved by Bernini himself, but he felt nothing stir in himself when admiring her beauty. But that was apparently not the case with Jacob.
Perhaps, just as his own kind were beautiful as a means of attracting prey, the wolves had evolved a similar attribute, though he couldn’t discern why this would be necessary as they had no need to allure prey in that manner. This hadn’t been his experience with the last pack. Yes, they were stronger and taller than other tribesmen, but they were no more beautiful nor handsome than other humans.
The more and more he thought, the less answers he found, only more questions. He supposed he was glad that all his children were not at home. Edward and Emmett were hunting in the Goat Rocks Wilderness, Jasper and the girls had gone to Vancouver to supplement Esme’s wardrobe, and who knows what else. It gave him more time to dissect these thoughts without worry.
He wasn’t caught off-guard by the fact that he found the young man attractive. After two decades spent with the Volturi, and centuries of contemplation, he’d come to terms with his sexuality. Gender simply didn’t enter the equation for his attraction. When he’d first encountered the Volturi and found Aro quite handsome, it had started his questioning. The millennia-old vampire was classically handsome, with his jet-black hair and perfect features forever stuck in the body of a young man in his mid-twenties, quite literally forever in his golden years.
No, what concerned him was that he held some level of attraction to a young man. Perhaps if their age difference weren’t so large it wouldn’t have bothered him, as Jacob would have been a man at his age when Carlisle was growing up, but there was seventeen years between them. The gap in their age exceeded Jacob’s own, for God’s sake!
But after much deliberation, he’d reached the conclusion that it wasn’t so much an attraction as it was a desire for the other to feel comfortable and happy around him. That made more sense. It had been much too long since someone didn’t immediately feel at ease with him, and something in him must have just wanted that. After all, it wasn’t as if he felt the stirrings of romance. From his experience watching his family and other mated vampires, love was one of the few things that actually allowed them to change. It was the one thing so strong that it was immediate, like a switch. When you found your mate, you suddenly couldn’t imagine a future without them, and couldn’t recall a reason to have been without them before.
Disturbing as it was, this was a passing whim and nothing more.
⁂
Jacob
He was sitting across from Sam, arms crossed and feeling like a petulant child as he finished reporting back the contents of the meeting with Dr. Cullen.
“What? You waiting to say I told you so or something?” he muttered as he raised an eyebrow at the smirking Sam.
“Not at all. I’m just glad that this first meeting went well, and that Carlisle seems to want the same thing as I do. It bodes well for the future, don’t you think?”
“Sure, sure. Seems you were right all along about the stupid imprinting thing.” He rolled his eyes and then joked, “Want to trade since you’re so excited about it? I’m sure you two would be best friends !” Even though he was joking the words tasted like ash in his mouth.
“I’ll stick to my own troubles, thanks. If there’s nothing else, you can go home. Paul and I can handle rounds on our own today. No offence, but you reek of vampire,” Sam chuckled.
Jacob furrowed his brow but stopped himself from smelling his top. Being stuck in the car with the doctor was bad enough, he didn’t need a reminder of what he smelled like. But it was interesting that it didn’t smell like that burning sweet smell he’d expected from the start, but that soft forest smell that made his senses swim in bliss. That had to be a side effect of the imprinting. At least it made it somewhat tolerable to be around the vampire.
He made his way back to his house and checked his phone. There was still nothing from Bella. He frowned.
Jacob really wanted to know what it was that Embry said to her that had her so upset. It didn’t make sense that she’d ignore him if Embry had told her that he’d been cast aside by his two best friends. She would have scolded him and asked for his side of the story at least. But instead, she’d distanced herself.
He decided that he’d give her a couple more days before he reached out. That would be enough time to let her reach out, give her space, and not seem desperate either.
What a mess. It felt like he was juggling a million things. He sighed and laid down intending only to rest his eyes for a moment. But before he knew it, he was out like a light.
⁂
Jacob found himself running through the woods in wolf shape, not away from something, but just enjoying the freedom of being a wolf. Soon enough, he was aware of someone else running beside him. Turning, he expected one of his brothers, but instead he saw the doctor. He was having no problem keeping up, so Jacob took that as a challenge and barked with enthusiasm, running faster. The world around him blurred as he ran at his top speed, and yet, the doctor had no trouble keeping up. His only response had been a grin and then a laugh as they raced, side-by-side to no particular destination.
Soon, the trees were farther and farther apart, and they were approaching a cliff. Free from the canopy above them, the sun shone on them. Jacob turned to look at his companion, and he almost tripped in awe. With his human eyes, even with his enhanced vision, the older man had almost twinkled and shone under the sun beams, but with these eyes, Carlisle was a vision. It was as if he was illuminated by some internal source. Privately, he wondered if this is what humans had imagined when they described a haloed angel. It was breath taking; he was breath taking. It made him slow down unconsciously as he admired him.
Without hesitation, Carlisle took this advantage and dove off the cliff with a grace impossible for humans. A grin on his face, he phased as he followed over the ledge, his human form feeling the wind whistling past him as he leapt after him. The cold water enveloped him, but no sooner had he re-oriented himself than colder arms embraced him around his middle and soothed him. He opened his eyes with a smile when he felt Carlisle press his forehead to his own.
He wrapped his own arms around the other’s middle and leaned forward with the intention of pressing their lips together.
⁂
Jacob woke with a start as his alarm blared next to him. His dream was fuzzy, and he couldn’t remember much. There was running, and cliff-jumping… someone else had been there with him. But the more he tried to recall, the harder it was to remember.
Ugh. Whatever.
He had too much to worry about to care about a stupid dream. A glance at the alarm clock told him it was the next morning. Great. He’d definitely not finished the work assigned for History. Maybe Quil would let him copy during lunch.
Once at school, he caught up with the rest of the pack. Jared was horseplaying with Paul and Quil in a twisted version of monkey in the middle with a football. He greeted them with a quick snatch of the ball, running away as they gave chase. By the time class started, they were covered in dirt and had torn some of their clothes. They received the same uneasy look from their peers and their teachers, all of whom didn’t quite believe that their long absences were due to illness.
But they didn’t care. They met the skepticism with shrugs. Yeah, it sucked that none of them would ever know that they were being protected by the same people they judged, but the pack didn’t do it for the notoriety, they did it because it was their duty.
On his way to lunch, he had his head in the clouds, bored out of his mind and he accidentally bumped into someone.
“Sorry—” he started but froze when he saw Embry glowering at him from the ground.
“Why don’t you watch where you’re going?” he spat out.
Conflicting emotions flooded him. How could he tell his once best friend that this wasn’t his choice? That he wanted more than anything to tell him everything, and hang out like they used to? It was simple, he couldn’t. Not until he shifted and joined the pack. It wouldn’t be long now. All the signs were there. He was still conflicted about Embry’s possible parentage. On the one hand, once he shifted, they’d be brothers again— eventually anyway, once he understood why he was kept out of the loop—but on the other hand, that transformation would confirm that one of their fathers had been disloyal. The only one who’d be able to confirm or deny if he was Embry’s father was Billy. Quil’s father had been dead for a long time now and God knows where Joshua Uley was.
But even still, he couldn’t say a word until it happened, no matter how apparent the signs were.
He muttered another apology and looked away, starting to walk away.
“Hey! I wasn’t done with you!” Embry called angrily once again upright.
Jacob pretended not to hear and continued walking.
This wasn’t to Embry’s liking, because a few moments later, Jacob felt the other grasp his shoulder and twist him around. “We need to talk. Now. I’m not going to let you just ignore me anymore.”
With a sigh, Jacob looked around. The hallway had mostly cleared by now, and he couldn’t see Jared, Paul, or Quil about. He couldn’t stand to be any crueler to Embry, so he nodded, “Fine. But let’s go outside. No need to make a spectacle out of this.”
He scoffed in reply and led them outside, where the sun was shining brightly. Jacob wondered briefly what it would be like to see Dr. Cullen fully and completely engulfed in sunlight.
“Look, Embry—” he started.
“No. You don’t get to say anything yet. I don’t care what bullshit excuse you have anyway. This isn’t about how you and Sam’s little cult have decided that I’m not worth a damn and how my two best friends just started ignoring me all of a sudden. This is about Bella Swan.”
That surprised him, and his eyebrows shot up before they furrowed, “What do you mean?”
“I know you saw us talking on the beach. I’m not a moron, so do us both a favor and don’t pretend otherwise,” he narrowed his eyes at him.
“What did you say to her?” he demanded.
Embry ignored his question and continued, “I wasn’t going to say anything at first, but she kept asking questions. She’s a curious one, that Bella, and so damn nice. And she’s better than you deserve. Whatever you and Sam have going on, keep her out of it. She doesn’t deserve to be dragged into whatever shit you two have going on.”
“What?” he asked dumbly, not expecting that.
“She kept asking so many questions, so I know you’re keeping her in the dark too. Make sure to keep it that way, and stay away from her,” he said seriously.
“Have a little crush, Embry?” he asked, wanting to steer the conversation away from the pack.
“No, nothing like that. I’d just hate to see a nice girl like her be hurt by you and whatever it is you get up to.”
“What else did you tell her, huh? Did you tell her to stay away from me too?” he accused.
“No. I answered her questions and nothing more. Like I said, she’s curious. She had a lot of questions about the tribe and our history. She even asked about the stupid Cullen thing. I can’t believe you even told her about that. You sound just like your dad. Remember when we used to make fun of how superstitious he was? What happened to that Jake?” his voice broke. Whatever he’d been holding back about Jacob and Quil’s treatment of him seemed to spill out and angry tears welled up in his eyes.
“Embry…” he whispered, his heart aching to reach out and tell him everything. But he had an order to follow, and a duty to prod further, to know everything he told Bella. He shook off the slimy feeling of ignoring the tears. “What did you tell her about the Cullens, about us?”
“God!” he exclaimed heatedly, “Is that all you care about? The tribe secrets? You’re unbelievable. I told her the stupid stories, so she’d see what a crazy bunch you and your friends are. And maybe it worked, huh? Is she ignoring you now? Good.”
So, he had told her the stories. About the Cold Ones. About the Spirit Warriors too, no doubt. He’d have to report that to Sam, to warn him that Bella might know now. They’d have to tell the Cullens too. This was technically a breach of the Treaty by them, even if Embry couldn’t know the consequences of his words. He only knew the stories because of him and Quil. Before the pack had their suspicions about his heritage, this wouldn’t have been a breach of the Treaty, not really. Embry was Makah by birth, but now that it was possible he was Quileute too? A possible son to one of the tribe's elders? The Treaty would fully apply.
How would they react? How would Car—the doctor react? Would they see this as a betrayal? Could any hope for peace have gone out the window with this one slip? Anxiety washed through him like a bitter, cold wave.
Before, when he wanted Bella to figure out on her own about the wolves, he hadn’t considered that she might learn about the Cullens too. Or maybe he had but he hadn’t cared. If she knew then she might stay away from the bloodsuckers, which was a good thing. But that was when the plan was for her to discover things on her own. He hadn’t counted on her finding out directly from one of them. This would complicate things. Fuck!
Without much else in mind, he started to leave, not bothering to say anything else to Embry. He had to get to Sam as quickly as possible.
“Hey! Hey!”
But he couldn’t stop, because he couldn’t explain any of this to Embry, and he really didn’t want to lie anymore. He took his cell phone out of his pocket and started a text to Sam. What was a couple more absences at this point? He continued past the school and into town, hurriedly trying to get to the outskirts of town so he could shift.
Sam, we need to talk. It’s about the Treaty.
He sent the message and continued walking not waiting for a response.
Once at the edge of the forest he shirked out of his backpack and shoes, and waited until he was further into the forest to begin taking off the layers of clothes and stuffing them into the bag. There really had to be a better way to do this. He shifted and shook out his fur, bending his head down to pick up his backpack when he picked up on a sound. Ears swiveling towards the noise, he sank to the ground to stalk closer, but his nose caught the familiar scent and panicked.
Just on the other side of a tree, was Embry.
Of all the fucking shit that could happen!
He shifted back and grabbed some shorts from the backpack, swinging it on his shoulders, and called out, “Embry! I know you’re there! I’m coming to you, okay?”
“Get away!” shouted the disembodied voice, panicked.
“I can’t do that, just let me explain—” he got closer, jogging but making sure to keep his arms up to show Embry he meant no harm.
“No!” Embry shot away from his hiding spot and started running.
Great.
He gave chase, annoyed at the feeling of mud and undergrowth with his bare feet, “Embry!”
The latter was no match for his speed, and he was within grasp in a couple of seconds. Full of fear, Embry rounded on him, chest heaving and made to cover his face, but all of this must have been too much. This was the tipping point his body had been seeking and instead of facing his terrified best friend, there was a grey-spotted wolf snarling at him, ears pressed back, and teeth bared in fear.
Of course. Of-fucking-course this would happen now! Was it impossible for Jacob to catch a break?
He didn’t have time to discard his shorts, but he chucked his backpack to the side and shifted, hoping that Sam might have shifted sensing his urgency.
Immediately he was hit with Embry’s inner monologue.
‘Holy shit, holy shit! What the fuck is going on?’ He was utterly freaked out, and Jacob couldn’t blame him.
‘Embry! Try to calm down. You’re okay, I promise, but you need to calm down,’ he tried to soothe.
‘Did you do something to me?’ he asked with fear. ‘Wait. What the fuck? Can you hear my thoughts? Can I hear yours? What’s going on?’ The wolf whined and snapped his jaws at Jacob.
In response, he stood his ground and growled back. ‘I didn’t do anything, but it’s a long story. We have to go, okay? I’ll explain more on the way, but we’re too close to town, and you’re still too unpredictable, it’s dangerous to be this close. Just follow me, please, just trust me? Once we’re deeper in the woods I’ll explain more.’
After a moment, the wolf nodded and cautiously approached him. They trotted alongside, wary, of each other. Jacob tried to keep his mind blank so as not to overwhelm Embry with any more surprises than were needed. He listened carefully to his train of thought, not surprised that he was able to piece together some of the threads. Between the three of them, Embry was always the intelligent one, but the type of quiet intelligence that surprised most.
He’d guessed that Sam and his ‘cult’, as he put it, were all wolves too. And he’d recalled the stories that he’d told Bella not two days ago and figured that it had something to do with those legends too. Before long, he’d started to wonder at his paternity too, since the Makah’s had no such stories of shapeshifting. Then he thought of Quil and Jacob, feeling conflicted. He understood why they wouldn’t be able to tell him about all of this, whatever this was, but not why they had abandoned him completely.
Jacob wanted to chime in, to say that he hadn’t wanted to, but then they felt Sam join them mentally.
‘Jacob! What’s—’ his train of thought froze as he recognized Embry’s presence. ‘Oh.’
Yeah. Oh. That was the biggest understatement of the moment.
‘Bring him to the cabin, I’ll meet you there.’ He directed that line of thought to Jacob, but then continued, ‘Embry, this is Sam Uley. I don’t know if Jacob has explained anything yet, but we’ll answer all your questions when you arrive. I promise.’
Embry and they continued. This was going to be a long day.
⁂
They agreed that they’d have the others stay away for now to not overwhelm Embry. Jacob had gone back to where Embry shifted and picked up his backpack, sending a message to his mother to say that he was sleeping over at Jacob’s house. As she was Makah, she’d never heard the legends and had no reason to think something else was going on with her son. Let her believe he was patching things with his former friend for now.
Sam was explaining everything to Embry and assisting him with phasing back, but the latter hadn’t been going well. Not that they expected him to have so much control after being bombarded with so much information at once. He’d called his dad, so he’d know to confirm that Embry was staying with them in case his mom called, and of course, to tell him that Embry had shifted too.
He almost wished he’d been there to see his dad’s expression, to look for any signs that he knew this was a possibility. But unfortunately, it was only a phone call and all he had to analyze was a long silence followed by a thoughtful, “Embry? Embry Call?”
“Yup,” he responded awkwardly, hoping that his dad would fill him in if he knew anything about Embry’s parentage. But no such luck.
“Huh. Well, if Tiffany phones, I’ll confirm you’re both here. Let me know if you need anything else, son.”
Then they disconnected the call.
While Sam and Embry were taking a break from everything, Jacob returned to the cabin to speak with Sam. They still had to discuss the breach of the Treaty, especially since Embry had officially become part of the pack, and his anxiety spiked again.
“Damn it,” was all Sam said once Jacob finished telling him.
“Yeah, that’s what I said too. What do we do now?”
Sam sighed, running his hand through his hair thinking for a moment. “We have to tell them. Or you’ll have to. In any case, we have to be transparent about this. Carlisle,” Jacob tried not to react at all to the name, “was very forthcoming and we should do the same. You’ll also have to talk to Bella, try to gauge where she’s at, mentally. Maybe she’ll just shrug it off and think nothing of it, but we should be prepared for a different reaction too.”
“So, who do I talk to first?”
“Carlisle. You mentioned that one of them can read minds, right? Maybe they can help us assess how much of a problem this will be,” Sam said hopefully.
“Yeah, the Doc mentioned Edward was the mind reader,” he provided.
“Good. Reach out tomorrow morning, that way you can get some rest. We don’t know how they’ll react, but in any case, you’ll have a clearer mind with some sleep. I’ll let you know if there are any changes with Embry.”
He only had the mental energy to nod. If it hadn’t been such a heavy day, he might have argued that they should tell the Cullens now, it wasn’t like they’d be sleeping anyway. But outside of the fact that Sam was right that he needed to rest, he felt unusually anxious. The idea that the doctor might feel betrayed after Jacob assured him that they wanted peace filled him with dread. A thousand thoughts and worries filled his mind. He made it home in record time.
The sooner he fell asleep, the sooner it would be the next day. And the sooner he could see him again. That thought alone soothed his racing mind and lulled him into a deep sleep.
Notes:
Oh, boy... Is the Treay truly breached? How will our favorite doctor react?
Tune in next time to find out!
Also, how cute was Jake's dream sequence? Eeek!
Thanks again for all the love and support 🥰♥️♥️♥️
Chapter 15: Allies or Enemies
Notes:
I'm back!!!
I promise this is not an abandoned project!!!
Life has just been extremely busy and I haven't found the time to write again, and I can't promise that I'll have a consistent upload schedule, but I will do my best for one chapter a month.
Fingers crossed!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Carlisle
Monday had been incredibly uneventful, which typically didn’t bother him, but he found himself glancing at his phone multiple times throughout the day. It was distracting. In the early hours of the next morning, long before the sun had begun its trek over the sky, he and Esme went hunting. They typically enjoyed a tamer hunt, especially compared to Emmett, and Edward. Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper usually hunted together. Jasper didn’t trust himself to hunt on his own and relied on Alice’s visions or his brothers to keep him in check. Rosalie preferred hunting with Alice because she didn’t enjoy hunting and favored being able to know where her prey would be, thanks to Alice’s visions. This left the gentlest of the Cullens to hunt with each other, which was fine by them. They typically hunted elk, and deer; both were happy to leave the mountain lions and grizzly bears to the boys.
Perhaps hunting would alleviate some of the nervousness he had. And for a long moment, it had. Tracking his prey was no great challenge, but it was still more effort than he’d put into any task as of yet that day. He’d caught the scent trail of a deer and moved silently as he followed it, his baser instincts taking over as venom filled his mouth in expectation. Carlisle heard it before he saw it.
The poor stag, a large and magnificent Odocoileus virginianius, had not shed its antlers yet and had gotten them caught between the branches of one tree and the trunk of another. It bleated as it attempted to free itself, twisting its neck one way and another to no avail. The good thing is that it would no longer be suffering. In a flash, he was next to the stag, snapping its neck and sinking his, now elongated, fangs into the firm flesh and feasting on its lifeblood. After more than three centuries, he was a careful hunter and had mastered control as to not make his prey suffer, but also to have a clean kill.
It still amused him that after seventy years, Emmett would still come back from a hunt with tattered and bloodied clothes. At least it was understandable why Jasper still had some issues with their hunting styles and would still get messy from time to time, even Esme was not as careful as she’d like to be. But Emmett seemed to enjoy ‘playing with his food’ as Edward often put it. Carlisle had no such qualms and if his eye color didn’t give him away, no one would be able to tell that he’d fed based on looks alone.
A snapping sound caught his attention as he finished feeding, and raised his head checking to see if it was Esme. Despite his exceptional control, disturbing any of his kind in the middle of actually feeding could still be dangerous, especially if those baser instincts were particular overpowering as they were that day for him. Esme’s scent wasn’t strong, so it wasn’t her. He crouched and approached the source of the sound and was met with sound stuck somewhere between a whine and a growl.
Half buried in the moss and underbrush, was a young and solitary wolf. Judging by its size, it must have been a juvenile. Carlisle smelled blood, and now that he’d taken a step away from the stag, he could distinguish that it wasn’t just the stag’s blood he was smelling now. As a precaution, Carlisle stopped breathing, knowing that the scent of blood after feeding could still seduce even him to feed more.
He was still too close to hunting mode to trust his control, and he didn’t want to hurt the young thing anymore than it already was. Crouching near it and attempting to check him only earned him more growls, followed by snapping jaws.
Carlisle used the last air in his lungs to laugh softly, and saying, “It’s ok. I won’t hurt you.”
He could tell based on the angle of the back leg, that it was most likely broken. Out here that meant a death sentence. Momentarily, he wondered if her pack had abandoned it or if she had sought out isolation on her own. Well, he couldn’t just leave her to die now that he’d come across her, but neither was he a veterinarian. He knew basic anatomy, but this poor animal required professional attention. Having made up his mind, that he would help the small wolf, he removed his jacket and wrapped it around the wolf, careful of her leg, but ignoring the growls and attempts she made to bite.
She was welcome to try to take a bite out of him, she’d soon learn that it was easier said than done. The poor thing continued to squirm and yelp once he secured her in his arms, but his arms were an unmoving vice, which should keep her from hurting herself further while trying to get away from him. He caught Esme’s scent and approached cautiously, being careful to not get too close, and once he was sure he was within earshot, he called out, “Esme, I found an injured animal, I’m taking it to wildlife services, perhaps in Port Angeles or Port Townsend, depending on where Alice sees more cloud cover.”
He couldn’t see her, but heard her laugh, “Oh, Carlisle, you’ve never met a creature you can’t help. Safe travels.”
Once he was back at the house, he headed straight for the garage, and reluctantly placed the wounded wolf in the passenger seat of his Mercedes. Hopefully the rowdy little thing kept still and didn’t ruin the seat. As he began to pull out of the garage his phone rang.
“You’ll have to go to Olympia, Carlisle. Not enough cover in Port Angeles. She’s so cute! And I know you aren’t asking, but I looked anyway, and the little cutie is going to be alright. A fractured leg, with a long recovery, but the vet there will take care of her and send her to a sanctuary,” she said in a matter-of-fact manner.
He thanked her with a chuckle and a smile, “You’re incredible, Alice. Thank you.”
“Don’t forget it! Oh, and make sure to take the highway north, it’s longer but there’s going to be a police roadblock through Hoquiam and the sun won’t be on your side,” she said brightly.
“Alright. I know Charlotte and Peter are going to be departing today, please extend my apologies for not seeing them off, but the poor thing was bleeding, and I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. Bid them good travels for me, won’t you?”
“I don’t think you’ll make it back before they leave, so yes, I’ll let them know.”
They disconnected and he drove towards Olympia, without Alice or Edwards extrasensory gifts, he only dared drive ten miles over the posted speed limit, to his disappointment.
He went through his CD cache and selected soothing albums that wouldn’t startle his passenger. She seemed to have relaxed ever so slightly and was pressing herself into the seat as if to disappear, but sniffed the air for a moment before burying her snout happily into the leather, licking it and nuzzling into it.
How curious.
Now that he was completely out of a hunting mindset, it should be safe to breathe again. He took a cautious breath in, and though he could still smell the blood, it paled in comparison to the lingering smell of Jacob in the cabin. With a chuckled he said to the small wolf, “I’ll tell you a secret, little one.” He dropped his voice to a whisper, “I find his scent incredibly comforting too.”
She only raised her head to glare at him before burrowing further into the jacket and lick at the wound with soft whimpers.
“Don’t worry, we’ll get you to someone who can help soon,” he tried to soothe her.
⁂
The wildlife vet in Olympia had not been too happy to see a civilian carrying an injured wolf into her office, but she was the consummate professional and made sure to ask Carlisle a barrage of questions, as well as admonishing him for bringing the wolf in instead of calling wildlife services. She warned him of all the horrible things she’d seen happen to untrained do-gooders, and he assured her that he would have if he hadn’t been so worried but promised to call in the future instead. It was well past dawn, the sun creeping closer to noon, by the time she took his little passenger to surgery.
Carlisle wanted to wait to know more about the future of the wolf, but his buzzing phone had him excusing himself to the car. “Alice? What’s wrong?”
“The wolves, the Quileutes I mean, I think you’re meeting them today. Or rather they're meeting you. Your future disappeared after you get back into town. This is frustrating! I don’t know what they want or what’s going to happen. Your future is getting all knotted up with their presence,” she whined, he could perfectly picture her pout.
“But you don’t see any long-term issues, right?” he asked curiously.
“No,” another pout, “I can see you coming back home. I don’t like not seeing them, Carlisle, it makes me feel… antsy, I suppose is the best word for it.”
“I can see how not being able to rely on your sight would be frustrating, but everything will be alright. I suppose I’ll see you whenever I make it back,” he assured her. “How’s Edward?”
“He’s struggling… the future is still all tangled up where Bella is concerned. But I hope things will work out. It has to.”
“I’m sure it will too. Have the same faith with the wolves, won’t you?”
“Hm. Fine, I’ll call if anything changes.”
Sometime after he returned from his day looking after Bella, his eldest son had finally told him that he finally understood Alice’s vision. He loved the girl, and that everything had changed. In one moment, his whole worldview had been realigned and he finally understood what it meant to love someone with everything he was.
Carlisle felt a little guilty that he had no advice he could give his son with this, not really. He’d never had that with anyone, so he was at a loss of what to say outside of general platitudes. A small, selfish part of him felt a loss that Edward had found someone. It was small, nearly invisible in size because he was more joyous than anything that he’d finally found his mate… but that microscopic voice mourned the loss of the only one of his family that had not found their mate.
Esme was different. She was complete by herself and yearned for no other companionship outside of her family. Family was the only love she wanted to give and receive. He recalled the first time she told him this. It was in the time that Edward had left them on his journey of self-discovery. She’d been so scared to say anything, that her voice trembled, “Carlisle? Is there something wrong with me?”
“Why would you ever think that? Do you feel something is wrong?” he’d asked with concern, looking her over with medical eyes.
“Not really. Not on the outside anyway…” she’d trailed off, not meeting his eyes. He thought of their conversation, he’d been telling her about covens he’d met during his travels. Perhaps this was about not having any extra-sensory skills? “You told me that in the covens you’ve encountered, there’s often mated pairs. Is that what you wanted for me? With Edward? Or… you?” she whispered in a voice that would have been undiscernible by human ears.
“Of course not!” he’d exclaimed, almost affronted. “Why would you think that?”
“It’s just that you and Edward, neither of you have mates, and I thought that maybe you’d been looking for one in me.” Her voice held something in it, but he wasn’t sure what it was.
“What’s brought this on?”
“Carlisle… I don’t think I’ll ever have someone like that. I don’t want someone like that. Before, with Charles, I only married him to please my parents. They couldn’t believe that I’d never courted anyone and turned down any attempts,” she laughed, “and they were desperate to marry me off, to seem normal. But I didn’t feel anything for him, the only person I loved before you and Edward was my little son, he was so perfect, Carlisle. But even now, I don’t think I’ll ever romantically love someone, and I don’t want to.”
He’d assured her that it wasn’t something she ever had to worry about and nearly seventy-five years later she’d never changed. There were times when he thought that perhaps he was the same, that he didn’t crave companionship from anyone other than his family, but he knew this to be false. When he saw Alice and Jasper, or Rose and Emmett, so deeply in love… he craved that too. It was strange, because he didn’t seek it, not with others of his kind, nor with humans as the Denali sisters did, but he knew that something—no, someone— was missing from his life.
But still.
He wouldn’t let these small jealousies get between being happy for his son. That’s all he wanted for his children, happiness.
After a moment of deliberation, he returned to the clinic to leave a check with the receptionist, who tried to reassure him that the state would take care of the bill, but he shook his head, “Think of it as a donation, then. I know state funding isn’t always the best. Thank you all for what you do.” He left it on the counter, ignoring the way the young receptionist blushed and scrambled to return the thanks.
He got in his Marcedes, a little sad that the now-familiar smell of Jacob was being overpowered by the smell of the young wolf, but somewhat excited to see him again. Perhaps it would be his turn to ask questions this time around.
⁂
Jacob
He spent a ludicrous amount of time looking at the cellphone over breakfast. When he’d woken up, too late to go to class even if he was going, the first excuse he’d given himself as to why he didn’t call or text the doctor was because he needed to get ready first. So, he had. Took a shower and changed. Then, he needed to eat breakfast, so he did. Even after his dad had said goodbye when Harry picked him up to hang out around noon, all he did was stare at the phone.
He needed to call, or text, or something. But he couldn’t do it. Not that he knew why he was so nervous. So, instead, he just stared at the damn phone like it was personally offending him. Jacob felt like a coward, and he hated it.
Stupid vampire, he thought without any real venom.
As he was reaching for the damn thing, it started buzzing. His heart started hammering in his chest.
He scrambled to answer and breathed, “Hello?”
“Jacob, have you set up a meeting time yet?” Sam’s voice came through, scratchy. The signal wasn’t the best, he must have called from the cliff edge by the cabin.
Disappointment and relief washed over him in equal amounts, or almost equal amounts, he didn’t want to linger on which was stronger.
“No, not yet” he sighed, “I was getting to it.”
“Good. I figured this might go over better if I meet with him. This is important enough that it should come from me. Jared finally phased back about an hour ago, he’s trying to phase back and forth now, Embry and Paul are with him.”
Jacob stilled. Did this mean that Sam wanted to meet with Carl— the doctor, he corrected— instead of him? He rushed for a reason, any reason, to be part of that meeting too. “Wait, so now I’m not going? Don’t you think it would be better coming from someone he’s already met? Besides, I’m closer with Bella and might be able to answer any questions he has better.”
“Maybe, but I don’t want him to think that he’s being ambushed if two of us are going,” he countered.
“So? We tell him both of us are coming. That he can bring another one of his bloodsuckers if he feels the need to. He’s not as paranoid as we are, you know. He probably won’t think anything of it.”
“And you’d be okay with that? Another vampire being present?” Sam asked unsure.
“Not really, but at least it would be fair that way, right?”
‘Please say yes, Sam, please. I need him to know I wasn’t deceiving him.’ He pleaded silently.
“Fine. If Carlisle is okay with that, then I don’t see a problem with it. I’ll call him when I get back to town, I’ll let you know what he says.”
The call disconnected and the next hour of his life went by torturously slowly. He’d been so nervous he actually cleaned to get rid of the excess energy. At first he’d sat to watch TV, but once he started flipping through their limited channels and found nothing to hold his attention he got up and headed to the kitchen. Washed dishes, swept, and mopped. He was about to finish dusting the living room when his phone buzzed again in his pocket.
Jacob answered on the first ring, duster forgotten on the table, “What’d he say?”
“He’ll bring one of his sons. He’d assured me he trusted us, but he’d do this to placate his family. Apparently, they aren’t as trusting as he is. We’ll meet outside of their bounds, on neutral territory, just north of Wentworth Lake. I’ll stop by your house, and we’ll head out from there. We agreed to meet in an hour or so. Sound good?” he questioned.
“Yeah, fine. I’m ready,” he answered quickly.
“Alright, I should be there in a couple minutes.”
Instead of counting down the minutes, Jacob tried to relax. To mediate, or really do anything to stop his heart from beating out of his chest with anticipation. It was getting more difficult to deny—no. He had to find a way to keep his thoughts safe when he phased. It was annoying to have his subconscious and consious thoughts out there for his brothers to view, and it was getting more dangerous too the way his thoughts had started to stir. He'd have to think on this more.
For now, he settled on not thinking about it, because then he’d get more nervous and confused, and Sam needed him on his A game. He took another calming breath and waited for Sam outside, leaning against the ramp railing he’d helped install when his dad became wheelchair bound.
Sam pulled up in his truck and parked it, offering a nod as a greeting.
Jacob returned it and they both headed around to the back towards the woods. Before giving each other privacy to change out of their clothes, Sam threw him some rope.
He looked at him puzzled.
“Embry’s idea, actually. If we tie our clothes to our legs, we won’t have to carry them in our mouths or worry about them tearing. Smart kid, I can’t believe we didn’t think of it before,” he said with humor.
He did as instructed and phased, trying to keep his thoughts in check. The last thing he needed was Sam or anyone else to hear his jumbled and conflicted thoughts about the doctor.
Instead, he tried to solely focus on Sam leading him.
It seemed that Sam was trying to occupy his mind with other thoughts too. He kept bouncing his train of thought between the pack and Embry, and mundane tasks he had to do. It appeared like a forced course of thought rather than natural. He wondered to himself if that’s how his own thoughts sounded to Sam. The beginnings of an idea began to blossom in the back of his mind and he left it there for now, to analyze at a later time.
‘Yes. But we don’t have to talk about whatever you’re trying to keep to yourself,’ Sam thought quietly.
‘You know, sometimes being able to communicate like this really sucks,’ he thought back dryly.
A sigh, ‘I know.’ Emily’s face flashed between them; strong devotion followed the image. It seemed that Sam had been trying to talk to Emily yesterday before Jacob had texted him.
Jacob winced. ‘Sorry.’
Sam pretended not to hear and refocused his mind on other matters. But the deep attachment that Jacob felt through their linked minds, called forward an image of the doctor in his own. Immediately, he covered it with thoughts of worry about the Treaty, but he could sense that Sam saw through it.
They continued running in silence, each trying to cover their true thoughts and pretending the other couldn’t tell. Once they passed Wentworth Lake, they shifted back and changed. Tying their clothes certainly made it easier to carry, but a whole change of clothes was still an uncomfortable bulk, it’d definitely be easier if they didn’t have to carry their shoes too. After a short hike, they stopped. It was the general area that they’d agreed to, all they had to do now was wait.
They didn’t have to wait long.
Not soon after, the two vampires entered their field of vision, followed by their strong scent. Jacob could smell the Doc before he could see him, his son too. It wasn’t a surprise that the sweet, burning scent that mixed with the doctor’s would be his son’s. This only cemented that the doctor was unique only to Jacob. He did his best not to fidget, and to keep his gaze on both of them, to seem calm; but his eyes kept flickering to the doctor, taking in his calm demeanor, and the small smile on his face.
His heart started thundering again, to his dismay. Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm it by focusing on the son. This must have been Jasper, by Bella’s description. The one who could sense and control emotions. Now, he definitely needed to keep his emotions in check. No need for more people to know just how fucked up this situation was.
After really looking at him though, Jacob became apprehensive. His shirt sleeves were pushed up to his elbows and Jacob could see half-moon scars covering his forearms. They were faint, nearly invisible against the porcelain-white skin, but his improved eyesight saw them. Bite marks? He wondered how those came to be. But the apprehension melted away and was washed over with calm instead.
Before coming closer, the doctor spoke, but Jacob kept his gaze on the other one, “This is my son Jasper. He’s sensitive to emotions, it sounded like whatever we needed to speak about was quite serious. I figured he would help us all keep clear minds about it.”
Ah. Right, mood control. That’s what he’d felt, then.
Sam nodded, and after a moment, walked forward, arm outstretched, “Thank you for meeting us, Carlisle, Jasper. It’s nice to finally meet you.”
The vampire patriarch moved forward to grasp his hand with a shake of his own, “Yes, it’s nice to put a face to the voice.” Jasper kept glancing between them unmoving, most likely trying to ascertain if this was a genuine meeting. “Now, what was it that you needed to speak to us about?”
Jacob and Sam exchanged a glance and the latter sighed, “I’m afraid there’s been some changes in our pack, we gained a new member yesterday, but we learned that he said some things to Bella when she was here on Saturday. Things that would breach the Treaty.”
He couldn’t help himself; he broke his resolve and snuck a glance at the doctor. To determine what was going through his mind. But Sam kept going, “He didn’t know what he was doing. Until yesterday, we weren’t sure if he was Quileute, he moved with his mother from the Makah reservation when he was young. He had no reason to believe what he was telling her, but he did so with good intentions. We, the pack that is, have started getting a not-so good reputation in school, and he thought he was warning her away from us and what we believed. Within what he told her were stories about you and what you are.”
Jasper broke his militant posture and looked quickly to his adoptive father, concerned, and back at them saying with a hard voice, “You mean she knows about us? She’s known since Saturday?”
Sam nodded, face serious, “He didn’t know, he didn’t believe. He was appraised of everything once he shifted yesterday. We only learned what he said then, otherwise we would have told you sooner.”
“Carlisle that’s—” the scarred vampire started.
Jacob couldn’t break his gaze from the doctor, waiting for his next words with bated breath. Would they be condemned? Could they be forgiven? He couldn’t imagine that the vampire who’d never killed a person, who’d become a doctor to help people, would ever let this be a reason for war between them… but he was well within his rights to. And the tone the other vampire had was not forgiving, it was accusatory. Would his family urge him to fight? Why wouldn’t he say anything!?
Finally, he raised his arm to quiet his son.
“This is certainly disquieting news,” he said, and looked deep in thought. “We’ll have to tread lightly and figure out how much Bella believes. Have you spoken with her about this yet, Jacob?”
Warmth flooded him at the sound of his name being said by him. He froze as brilliant golden eyes met his. All thoughts left his mind as something akin to relief, and contentment washed over him in that split second. But then he came back to the present and cleared his throat, “No, un, not yet. We wanted to tell you first.”
Sam rescued him, “We thought that perhaps the best course of action would be for your other son, Edward, to assist us both. I know we have no right to ask you to assist us after breaking the Treaty, but we need to determine how much trouble will be stirred for us too.”
“Ah. Well, that’s going to be difficult,” he started, sheepishly, “it seems that Bella is immune to Edward’s gift. He can’t read her mind at all, but I don’t know how much trouble this will cause, honestly. Edward has been keeping an eye on her since the accident she had at school, and she hasn’t shown any signs of telling anyone.” He hesitated and Jasper shook his head once. They exchanged some words, too quickly and quietly for even their ears to pick up. Jasper’s face denoted frustration when his father continued, “My son, Edward that is, has grown quite attached to Bella, and cares for her deeply. I’m sure that this will all turn out okay, she doesn’t seem the type to go spreading gossip from our experience with her. We will not fault you for this slip. Like you said, your newest member—”
“Embry,” Sam supplied.
“Right, Embry. He had no reason to believe legends. They must have sounded whimsical to him, there was no reason for him to believe in them. As far as I’m concerned, the Treaty stands.” Even though he was saying all of this to Sam, his own eyes strayed back to Jacob.
Relief again. He let out a breath, as inconspicuous as he could. He wasn’t upset with him. Of course, he wasn’t. In his short experience with the vampire, Jacob was starting to understand that he didn’t have a single malicious bone in his immortal body. But he had to stay focused!
It didn’t escape his notice that he’d said, ‘as far as I’m concerned.’ Did his son feel differently? Would the others?
He voiced his concerns, “What about the rest of your family? Will they see it the same way?” He looked back to the other, whose demeanor reminded him that they were still bloodsuckers, still vampires.
Jasper met his gaze coolly, “I trust Carlisle’s judgement, wolf. Even if I don’t trust you. If he says the Treaty is still in effect, then it is.”
He ground his teeth together and glowered.
“Jasper, there is no need for hostilities. They didn’t have to warn us, yet they did. There is no basis for distrust, surely you can sense that they are being genuine,” the patriarch placed his hand on his son’s arm with a soft tone.
If nothing else, the bloodsucker would be able to tell that. He kept his emotions in check and tried to feel nothing but the genuine interest for the Treaty to remain, for peace to persist. Jasper toggled his gaze between the two wolves for a moment and then relaxed slowly.
“I apologize,” he said, looking slightly ashamed, “I had a different upbringing than the rest of my siblings. I wasn’t brought into this second life with peace like they were. I was a trained warrior, and sometimes it’s easy to fall back into old patterns. I can tell that you mean what you say. It’s just difficult to override instincts that tell me you’re predators too.”
Both Sam and Jacob tensed at the word. They were protectors, not predators. They did not hurt others.
But Sam spoke up before Jacob could, trying to diffuse the tension before it could be formed, “I know what you mean. I’m sure our presence isn’t easy to get over if we are as overwhelming to you as you are to us.”
“The smell is certainly something to get used to,” Jasper joked back, seemingly more relaxed.
“Yes, it is,” Sam retorted with a wry smirk and a show of wrinkling his nose in jest.
Annoyed, Jacob cut in, “So, what now? Do I just ask Bella if she believes what Embry said? It’s not the most concealed way of investigating.”
“Alice mentioned that she’s in Port Angeles with friends today, Edward will have followed her to ensure her safety.” -The doctor looked down with a sheepish smile, “Like I said, he feels strongly for her. I’m sure he will be able to tell us if she says anything to her friends, but she hasn’t said anything yet and she’s had the information for two days now. Perhaps there will be nothing to fear, and she will think they are unfounded legends that have nothing to do with parties involved, just the overactive machinations of a teenage boy.”
Sam and Jacob exchanged a look, before the latter spoke up, “Let’s hope so.”
“Thank you again, for warning us,” he said, now trying to catch Jacob’s eye, though he wasn’t sure if it was done consciously.
Jacob slowly met his gaze and ignored the warmth that spread throughout him. “Should we meet tomorrow, to discuss what Edward finds out?” The words left his mouth before he had time to process the thought that urged the words out.
“Yes, I’d like that. It’ll give us an opportunity to plan should things not work out in our favor. But hopefully, it’ll work out and we’ll be able to continue where we left off,” he said with a lift to his lips, in a whisper of a smile.
He tilted his head trying to remember, “Where we left off?”
“I believe it was my turn to ask questions,” he provided the reminder.
Jacob forced out a half-laugh, half-scoff, “Right. I guess it was.”
“Thank you for being so gracious with this, Carlisle. You are truly more than our forefathers gave you credit for,” Sam said, reaching out to shake his hand once more.
This time, both vampires reached out to shake it, and turned to do the same with Jacob.
Damn it.
Reluctantly, he held out his hand. Jasper grasped it and shook it, the sudden cold stunned him, but he nodded at him, nonetheless, trying not to react. It was much more difficult not to when he finally grasped the doctor’s own.
After just feeling the shocking iciness of his son’s hand, he expected the same from the doctor’s. But as their palms met, a current of electricity seemed to trail from their hands and travel throughout him in a split second, engulfing him. It was followed by the sensation of just right, of perfection. There was relief where he expected frigidity. His touch was still icy, but whereas his son’s touch was almost unbearably cold… the biting, chill of the doctor’s touch was followed by an electric jolt that made him feel alive. It seemed to chase away the fever in a way nothing else could.
What? But, how?
Even when he touched his dad, who was human, he could tell that his dad was several degrees cooler than his own burning touch. That’s why the other vampire’s icy and glacial touch had shocked him, it was too unnatural. It’s why it stunned him further when that wasn’t the case with the doctor.
He tried not to linger on the touch and retreated his hand quickly, forming a fist as he did.
“Until tomorrow, then,” the curious tone of the voice had him looking up at the doctor’s face. He wasn’t sure how he knew, but Jacob knew he’d felt something too.
Notes:
Did you guys catch that at the end? 👀
Apologies for the long wait, but I'll be better about posting!
Chapter 16: Are You With Me
Chapter Text
Jacob
Once home, he analyzed what he’d learned from their meeting with the bloodsuckers. It seemed that both of them affected Sam the same way; on their way back, he could see through Sam’s thoughts that they both smelled in that sharp, burning sweet way; and they both had the same artic touch when he shook their hands.
So, the leech he’d imprinted on— he still refused to think of the name, wanting no further connection to him than he already had— was only different to him. For a moment, he panicked and wondered if the reverse was also true. If he noticed that he smelled and felt different than Sam, then he’d know that there was something more going on, which meant he’d ask questions about it, and how could he explain something that he didn’t understand himself?
But that also brought another question to mind. Jacob was sure that the doctor felt something too when they shook hands. He hadn’t reacted when they first touched, but the curious tone told him that something had affected him too. Would he bring it up when they spoke tomorrow? And again… how the hell was he supposed to answer if he did?
God! This was all so damned frustrating!
How the hell did Sam manage to not go insane?
On the one hand, things were simpler with him and Emily. He knew what he felt when he saw her, he had that burning impulse to be near her and love her. Of course, it was difficult too, because no matter what he said or did, she was icing him out and refused to really speak to him. But how did he deal with all the feelings, and the restriction of not being able to tell her anything?
What a mess…
At least that would be a problem for later. He could deal with tomorrow when it arrived. Otherwise, he just might really lose it.
He gathered all his hair away from his face and pulled it into an elastic. He was absolutely starving, and turning things over in his mind wasn’t going to fix that. After devouring three sandwiches and feeling a little better overall, he was ready to continue to torture himself with possibilities for what the next day would bring but was distracted by a text.
Hey… have you talked to Embry since yesterday?
Quil. Of course he was worried about Embry. Jacob felt like a poor friend for not having checked on Quil or even Embry.
No. He texted back. Have you?
No.
Followed immediately by,
Want to go together?
Yes. Yes, he wanted to go and see if their lifelong friendship with Embry could be salvaged. It would also serve to keep him distracted from his current racing thoughts.
Yeah, meet me at my house?
I’m already on my way.
He smiled at the phone, good ol’ Quil. He could always rely on Quil to be exactly what he needed him to be.
Their run to the cabin had been full of worrisome thoughts, and guilt, and fear that Embry wouldn’t forgive them. Even when they approached, their pace slowed and they gazed nervously at each other.
They phased back and walked towards the cabin cautiously, not sure what to expect.
It certainly wasn’t Embry sitting on a stump looking worried.
Jacob immediately searched for danger, and for Jared and Paul. If they’d left Embry here alone, they would get an earful from him.
“Hey, guys…” Embry said, quirking up a corner of his lips, but dropping it as quickly. “I didn’t think I’d see you so soon, honestly.”
What could he say to that? That he’d had other important matters to attend to? That he was nervous as hell about this conversation?
Quil had a better answer, “We didn’t think you’d want to.”
Silence stretched awkwardly between the three of them.
“I’m not upset,” Embry started.
“You don’t have to lie—” Jacob said, knowing very well that Embry most definitely was upset from firsthand experience.
“Stop. Let me finish. I get it now. I know that you didn’t just abandon me, like I’d thought. I’m still not thrilled that it happened, but…I get it. Sam and the others have done a pretty good job of catching me up since last night.” He paused. Took a deep breath, and then met their gaze, “Honestly, more than anything, I’m just glad that I’m in the know now. Now things can go back to like they were before…right?”
His last question was said painfully, almost imploringly.
Quil, once again, didn’t miss a beat, “Of course! Dude you have no idea how much we’ve wanted to tell you everything! It’s been hell having to ignore you, but now we don’t have to. It’s the three of us against the world again!”
“Hey! What about us?” Jared said as he was coming out of the cabin.
Quil rolled his eyes and Jacob could see Paul doing the same as he exited the cabin as well, “You know what I mean. We’re all brothers, but us three? We’ve been brothers all of our lives.”
Embry seemed to light up at the ease with which Quil said that. Jacob went up to Embry and gave him a side hug, dragging him into towards Quil so they could all embrace. It was short, but it seemed to fix whatever leftover awkwardness was left. It was a mix of the connection they’d shared as lifelong friends, but also that unmistakable bond of trust as pack brothers. It seemed to trump any troubles.
“My mom said she’s thinking of doing some grilling, you should all come over, we’ll make a night of it!” Quil offered enthusiastic at the prospect of being able to hang out with his best friends freely once more.
“Food?” Jared said, eyes lighting up.
This sent them into a fit of laughter as they started heading back to the wooded area to shift. Sam was invited to join, which he readily accepted. And soon the makings of a weekday party were on their ways.
Unfortunately for Jacob, as soon as he was back home he turned his phone on to ask his dad if he needed anything and back-to-back messages buzzed through it.
They were all from Bella.
Jake, we need to talk.
It’s important.
Just call me when you’re free.
He glanced at the phone and sighed.
Well, perhaps it was a good sign that she was reaching out first. Maybe she’d wanted to tell him that one of her friends found another embarrassing way to ask her to ask them to the Spring Dance. He knew there was little chance that was the case.
Another sigh. He called Sam first and let him know that he’d be skipping the party, telling him about Bella’s messages.
Sam agreed that it was best that he try to speak to her and see if she confronted him about anything, or asked about anything that Embry had said.
They disconnected and he got comfortable in his room before dialing.
“Hello?” she sounded dazed, maybe he’d woken her.
“Hey, Bella. I didn’t mean to wake you up, but you said it was important,” he kept the nervousness out of his voice.
“Jake! Hi, yes, sorry. No, you didn’t wake me up! I was just woolgathering.” Her voice was high pitched, embarrassed, like she was caught doing something more awkward than daydreaming. She paused and took the time, he assumed, to recompose herself, because when she continued, her voice was more even, “Thanks for getting back to me. I’ve been thinking about some things that Embry said on the beach, and what they mean.”
To be honest, he’d been expecting this, any hope that this would be a conversation about anything except that has been a hope in vain. Still, he had to be careful and not reveal anything that she didn’t herself already know. About the pack or about the bloodsuckers.
“Yes?”
“Well, he was telling me some Quileute legends, and some stuff about your friends… and I was wondering how those two related to one another…” she trailed off, her voice sounded unsure, like she was navigating a minefield.
“I guess that depends on what he said. Which stories he told you; I mean.” Again, he didn’t offer any information.
She stayed silent for another moment, then she took in a deep breath and said, “He said that the Quileutes are descendants of wolves… and that you and Sam and all your friends are kind of like a… cult. Like you think you are above others and even the way you move around each other, like you all think you’re protectors or something.”
“Is that all he told you?” he asked, deflecting.
Here she hesitated. Jacob knew that Embry had told her more, about the Cullens, but she didn’t know that. But if she believed as Embry had, that they were a superstitious bunch, she shouldn’t have hesitated to tell him about the Cullen story. But she hesitated. Why? Before she decided on her next move, he continued, “Look, I told you before. There are secrets, things I wish I could share with you, but it’s not up to me to say anything.” It was just as cryptic as the first time he’d told her but that was the limit of what he could tell her. And more importantly, it was the truth.
“Why does everyone think I can’t keep a damn secret?” she complained under her breath.
Curious. She said everyone, but by her tone, he could tell that she didn’t truly mean everyone. Bella was referring to specific someone, or someones. And her tone led him to believe that this was a conversation she’d had with someone else recently.
He played on a hunch, “Who’s everyone Bella?”
Quickly, and in a rushed manner she said, “No one. I mean, just in general, I suppose.”
Jacob chuckled, “Bella, you’re a horrible liar, anyone ever tell you that?”
She harrumphed but said nothing else.
“C’mon, just tell me who,” he nudged gently and jokingly.
She didn’t answer for another moment but then sighed and mumbled, “Edward Cullen.”
He blinked. And then blinked again.
“Edward Cullen? So, you’re talking to him again? How’d that happen?” he questioned her incredulously.
“Um, well I went to Port Angeles with Angela and Jessica today, and there was a situation and Edward kind of saved me. Again, ugh,” she rushed through the sentence, but lingered on the unpleasantness at the end.
Jacob sobered quickly. Knowing Bella, she would downplay any situation that put her in danger. She certainly downplayed the car accident when she’d told him about it. And if the leech had needed to step-in to save her, it undoubtedly was a dangerous situation. “What situation Bella?”
“Some assholes cornered me when I went to look for a bookstore, and they didn’t have good intentions… but nothing happened! Edward found me and saved me. He took me to dinner and drove me back. I wasn’t going to ignore him after he saved me, Jake,” she said accusingly, defending the leech.
“He found you? What, the Cullens shop for their fancy things in Port Angeles now? He just stumbled on you in an alley?” he taunted. Jacob knew based on the conversation he’d had with the vampires earlier that Edward would be keeping an eye on her, to keep the walking danger magnet that was Bella safe. But she didn’t know that. This was the perfect opportunity to prod at her knowledge of the leeches—and by extension, the pack— in the most inconspicuous manner.
“No,” she said lamely, and he could tell she was trying to find an excuse for the leech.
“So? When the car accident happened you mentioned he was super strong and fast, right? Do you think it had to do with that?” He continued to nudge her in the right direction.
She sighed, frustrated, “That’s not fair, Jake. You can’t be so protective of your secrets and expect me to tell you other people’s secrets! That’s so…so hypocritical!”
So, she knew. Bella knew the secret, that Cullen was a damned bloodsucker, and she believed it. This revelation didn’t relieve him like he thought it would when he’d started this whole ordeal. But at least she was unwilling to tell him about it, that was something. That meant that she had the resolve to not tell anyone.
Time to test that resolve.
“I’m just looking out for you Bella! Can you honestly say that whatever his secret is, which you clearly know now, is not dangerous? He can stop a van with his bare hands! And run through a parking lot in a second. Doesn’t that worry you?”
“He’s not dangerous!” she doubled down. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Jake, so drop it. Just leave the Cullens alone! I know what you and your friends think about them, remember? Embry told me that too,” her voice was hard and had an edge as she defended the leech and his family.
He paused for dramatics sake.
“If you know that we think, what we know, then why not stay away from him?” This wasn’t a confession of what they were, wasn’t breaking the Treaty. It was an opening for her to admit what she knew.
“Because maybe I’m better informed,” she retorted without pause.
“Oh, yeah? And what’s that supposed to mean?”
“Because if you know what I know, and you believe the story about the Cullens then you know they don’t hunt—” the she stopped herself abruptly.
Bingo.
Jacob sighed, “Bella, I know. Okay? Part of the reason I can’t tell you what I know about them is the secret I can’t tell you. But I know. So, drop the pretense of walking around the subject, okay?”
She stopped and seemed to be considering something.
“Okay, I think I get it now. You can’t tell me about the Cullens directly, but you know what they are. But if I say what I know, then you didn’t tell me, so then we can talk about it?” she reasoned.
“Yes,” he breathed, glad that she was as smart as she was.
Another pause, this time in hesitation, perhaps of saying it out loud.
“Vampires,” she whispered, “the Cullens are vampires.”
“They are,” he confirmed. “Is that all you were able to determine?”
This was another nudge, hoping that she might be able to piece together more.
“Embry said something else… about you. Well, not you directly, but the Quileutes…” she seemed to be thinking aloud, reasoning, “That you descended from wolves. I thought he meant in a more general sense, like it was a spiritual belief. But there’s more isn’t it? That’s why you know about the Cullens, or why your ancestors did, because you’re something else too…” she trailed off as she pieced together the puzzle.
Jacob remained tight-lipped, all too aware that he couldn’t say anything else.
She took another deep breath, “Don’t laugh, ok? Promise not to laugh if I’m wrong?”
He smirked, “No promises, Bells.”
He could almost hear her rolling her eyes on the other side of the line. “Supernatural jerks,” she said under her breath. “Fine. Jake, are you a…” she struggled around the word, “a werewolf?”
He smiled, and even though she couldn’t see, he shrugged, “Was that a question?”
“Oh, c’mon! Don’t be like that, it’s a simple yes or no question,” she complained.
“I told you already, I can’t tell you anything. I thought you were smarter than this,” he teased.
“Okay, fine, so you’re… a werewolf,” she still sounded unsure, but he could hear that she believed it at least. He laughed good naturedly and that helped to ease the tension. She joined, laughing with an edge of disbelief. This must have been a lot for her, finding out that a schoolmate was a vampire, and her best friend was a werewolf. She wasn’t wrong perse, the pack would never define themselves as such, nor would he himself, but he supposed that was the closest thing that she could guess right.
“What does that mean for me now?” This time, her voice was serious again, like she was mulling over a hundred scenarios in her head.
“What do you mean?” he asked, tilting his head to the side curiously.
“Well, you said it’s a tribe secret, right? You probably have to tell the others what I know. Does that have any repercussions against me? Oh, no! Please don’t tell them, Embry told me. I know he’s not part of your… pack or whatever, but he didn’t think I’d believe the stories, or even believed them himself really. Just don’t tell, okay? Tell them I figured it out on my own; I don’t want to be the reason he gets in tr—”
“Woah! Slow down, Bella! No one’s in trouble. At least not anymore, we don’t think. Embry joined the pack on Monday. He’s in the know now, and he knows better. The leeches were—wait. What did the bloodsucker tell you?” He squinted his eyes in distrust.
“Edward didn’t say anything about you or about your friends. Why? What’s happening?” she said alarmed.
“Nothing you have to worry about. Listen, I have to tell Sam everything, just to make sure I can be more specific in future, since you know most things anyway. I’ll let you know, okay? But nothing bad is going to happen, we’re not the monsters here.”
“They’re not monsters either Jake, at least not the Cullens. If you know as much as I do, then you know they don’t hunt people. You don’t know them, so you shouldn’t judge them. I’m sure anyone who didn’t know you might think that being a werewolf would qualify you as a monster too.” Her words were delivered in a tone that made it clear that she would defend them with the same tenacity that she would defend him. It was admirable, she was able to see past the fact that they were, by all accounts, monsters, and instead sought to treat them like people. He wished he could be like her in that regard, it might make this new venture of peace much smoother.
“I’m sorry I’m not more accepting, but this is something that’s been ingrained in me. We’re natural enemies, Bella.” But we’re trying to be more than that. “Once I’ve cleared things with Sam you should come over, we’ll be able to talk more then, and I’ll explain everything, ok?”
She sighed, “Promise?”
“Yes, I promise,” he rolled his eyes.
“Fine then. I’ll talk to you later then, I guess. Goodnight. Tell Embry I’m sorry for any trouble I caused!” she tacked on to the end.
“Sure, sure. Night,” he said before hanging up.
Jacob had told Bella that he’d speak with Sam, and he would. But first he felt like he needed to call the doctor. Surely, Edward would have told them all that she knew, or the one who could see the future might have seen it. So, it was only right that he at least confirm this, right?
Before he could overthink it, he dialed, smirking at the contact name he’d chosen: Dr. Fang.
“Hello?” came his smooth voice. The reception didn’t do justice to his voice, and yet it still sounded silky, and soft even with the tinny effect from the call.
“It’s Jacob. I just wanted to call and tell you that Bella and I spoke,” he started.
“Ah, well, I’m glad she had a friend to speak with. I assume she told you about Port Angeles and her conversation with Edward?” his voice was low, almost a whisper, like he was trying to keep from being heard by others.
“Yeah, she did—I’m sorry, is this a bad time?” he asked perplexed by the others' hushed voice.
“Somewhat, I’m not at liberty to speak at length at the moment. But I can tell you about it tomorrow if you’re still willing to meet. You can tell me what Bella said then?” he offered.
“Um, yeah, that’s fine. What time?”
“You must have school, perhaps after then? We can meet where we met this afternoon if you don’t mind the isolation. It might be easier than a public setting considering our conversation topics,” he chuckled wryly.
Jacob built a mental map of where they’d traveled earlier and agreed, “Sure, let’s plan for three, Wednesdays we’re released earlier. I suppose I’ll see you then, Doc.”
“Yes, have a good night, Jacob,” he replied before disconnecting the call.
Just as before, warmth filled him upon hearing his name being uttered by him.
It was becoming unreasonable, near impossible, to deny that there was something more to the imprinting than just an alliance, a truce. But could it be the imprinting? Or was it just his own attraction, his own feelings, that was showing? He didn’t know which was worse.
The next morning Sam was concerned about Bella’s easy acceptance.
It was one thing to believe because one was living through the supernatural experience of shifting into an enormous wolf, and having the knowledge that there were vampires in the world, it was another thing entirely to just accept it as fact.
“I don’t think it’s that simple,” Jacob defended. “She saw Cullen lift a van with one hand and move from one end of the parking lot to the other in a flash. So, she knew that the possibility of something non-human was possible in the world. Embry filled in some gaps for her, and she confronted Cullen about it.”
Sam frowned, “Still, it’s not that I’m worried that she’ll tell anyone, no one would believe her in any case, but how much should she be told? I know we’re in the process of learning more about the Cullens, but we are still in the early stages of that. You heard Carlisle, his son has come to care for her. But just how safe would she be with him, with them, around?”
“So, we tell her everything. Let her make her own informed decisions. I know it’s our job to protect the humans of Forks too, but it’s not like we can kidnap her if she chooses to hang around them. If she makes the stupid decision to stay friends with him, then it gives us and them more incentive to make things work. The last thing I want is to make Bella feel like she has to choose between us and them.”
“That sounds like the right call.” He crossed his arms and then smirked, “Using your brain suits you, Jake.”
“Whatever.” He rolled his eyes, and then glanced at his watch, “Alright, man, I’m going to head out, otherwise I’ll be late again.”
“Yes, go on then. You really should put more effort into your studies, Jake,” he said seriously, raising an eyebrow.
“Yes, dad,” he said with as much sarcasm as he could imbue the words with.
Notes:
Kind of a filler chapter I know! But definitely necessary, next chapter will be more exciting, promise.
It'll be up in two-ish weeks!
Chapter 17: Meet Me in the Woods
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Carlisle
He glanced at the clock mounted in his office again. To anyone who didn’t know him well, the action would seem normal, just someone checking the time. But if his family could see him in his office now, they’d know something was off. This was the third time in an hour that he’d checked the clock and the tenth time that day he’d checked the time at all. It felt bizarre, to be so excited and eager… His family believed him to be the embodiment of patience and control, but just now he felt anything but that.
Carlisle was eager to speak with Jacob again.
There were many reasons for this, all logical and reasonable explanations for the readiness to see him again; from explaining why he’d been unable to speak with him the previous evening and asking about Bella’s demeanor after such a shocking evening, to the questions he wanted ask about the wolves. But none of them accurately fit the true reason for the anticipation. Nor was he keen to explore that reason.
No, he was glad to leave it at a healthy dose of curiosity and nothing more.
When the time finally approached a more suitable time to leave, he rose from his seat and made his way to the first level of their home to depart. His children, except for Edward, had arrived not so long ago from school. Emmett and Jasper were simultaneously watching multiple sports games on the screen, making bets on the outcomes of the next moves. Alice was being occupied, no doubt on purpose so she wouldn’t aid Jasper, with Esme and Rosalie as they quickly knitted scarves and sweaters to donate to the nearest Platt-Hale shelter. Esme insisted that the hand-crafted items were much more meaningful than any expensive clothes they could provide. Not that expensive clothes weren’t also added to the pile of donations she and Rosalie were delivering in the evening.
“I’m leaving now, please let Edward know I’d like to speak to him in case he arrives before me,” he said to no one in particular.
Rosalie tensed, glared, and seethed, “Is it about the fact that he outed us to the human?”
Everyone tensed after that.
“Not exactly, but that is part of it. I’m meeting with Jacob now to talk about that. It appears that Bella believed his friend after all. I’m sure she’ll be discreet with the information she’s learned,” he said passively.
“I still say that we should remind the wolves of all that the Treaty entailed. This is just as much their fault as Edwards.” She crossed her arms and the glare settled more deeply.
“We talked about this, Rosalie. They told us, though they knew what it could mean for them. We will not fault them for this when there was no reason for the boy to believe the stories,” he reminded her.
She scoffed, “Fine, then. What about Edward? He should know better. But he’s just going to get a free pass, no matter what danger he brings to the family?” Her ire was palpable. Esme placed a delicate hand on her sister's arm. Rosalie continued to glare but did not wrench her arm free.
“As I said, I will speak with him when I return. I do not want this to become a point of contention between all of us. Let’s gather more information first, and we can better make a decision from there,” he said.
Alice smiled and nodded, “I don’t see her telling anyone Rose.”
Rosalie rolled her eyes, “Yes, but you can’t see the mongrels from the reservation. You have a blind spot now.”
Alice furrowed her eyebrows for a moment but then perked back up, “That’s why we have Carlisle. He’s our inside man now.”
Carlisle smiled, “Yes. I have faith that things will work out. Both with the Quileutes and with Bella.”
Rosalie stood up, “You and your faith, Carlisle. Sometimes you need a healthy dose of skepticism to survive.” She then marched upstairs, clearly not in the mood to continue this conversation.
Emmett sighed from the couch and got up to console her. “Sorry,” he mouthed wordlessly.
Carlisle mouthed it back to him with a wry smile, not envying his position just now. Without further commentary, he headed out. As soon as he was outside, he began to run, though not at his usual blurring pace, but considerably slower. He didn’t want to appear too spirited in case Jacob arrived before him.
He knew that his family was still on edge about the Quileutes and now things were more tense with Bella’s knowledge of their true nature. But his trust that things would work out was not out of blind faith. Based on Edward’s limited knowledge of Bella and her quiet nature, he was sure that she wouldn’t do or say anything that might bring undue trouble to anyone. As for the Quileutes…
Just as he’d told Rosalie, they’d had no reason to warn them about Bella, telling them about it would only work against their favor in the eyes of the Treaty. But in his eyes, this was further proof that they both wanted the same thing.
As he approached the meeting point, he could hear someone else traveling with great speed and force. Jacob was nearing then. He slowed down further, wanting to give him time to shift back without feeling like he was caught in a vulnerable moment. He waited until he heard rustling of clothes and then relative quiet once again.
Then he entered the small clearing, smiling when saw the young man, “Hello, Jacob.”
The young man gave him a half-smirk and reached out to shake his hand, “Hey, Doc.”
The nickname made him smile wider as he reciprocated the motion and grasped Jacob’s hand in his own, “Thank you for meeting me again. I’m sure you must have other things you’d rather be doing instead.”
He pondered, once again, how curious it was that Jacob seemed so different from the other wolves he’d encountered. At first, he thought it had been a generational thing, but Sam had smelled the same to him as his ancestors had, and his skin had the same open-flame-like heat that they’d had too. But not Jacob… his skin was still warmer than any human, but it wasn’t the near unbearable heat that the others had. No, it was less like placing his hand in burning coals and more like sitting too close to a campfire. And there was that electric rush that followed after, like an icy bolt of energy. He wondered if Jacob knew just how unique he was.
“Nah, it’s fine. This is more important,” Jacob replied with a shrug.
“Right then. We should probably discuss whatever you and Bella talked about,” he started, motioning for him to start.
“Well, she definitely knows that you’re all bloodsu—sorry, vampires,” he caught himself with a half-sheepish, half-unapologetic smile. “She also guessed close enough about what the pack is too, so we’ll probably sit her down this weekend to explain everything, at least about us. We’ll leave the vampire stuff to you guys; all we’ll mention is the Treaty.”
“Yes, Edward was already in Port Angeles when we’d met, so he didn’t know about her possible knowledge, but once they were alone, she said as much. He was surprised about her calm disposition. Apparently, she took it rather well, and has already promised to keep the knowledge to herself. She’s pretty extraordinary given the circumstances,” Carlisle responded with fondness.
“Agreed. I think she took it better than some of my brothers,” Jacob replied with a chuckle. So, they considered themselves brothers. How interesting. “I am curious though, did your son tell you exactly what dangerous situation she found herself in that caused him to rescue her? She wouldn’t tell me.”
He sighed and crossed his arms, “Yes, he did. That’s partially to do with why I couldn’t speak last night. It appears that Bella caught the eye of a sexual predator last night and she’d been cornered by him and his friends.”
“What?” Jacob said, alarmed. He curled his hands into fists and his face contorted angrily.
“I know, we’re lucky that Edward was able to intervene. We returned to Port Angeles when he dropped Bella off at her home and he singled out to me where they were and who he was specifically. I suppose it’s not the most savory thing to admit to, but Edward had half a mind to hurt him, but he was able to get me instead to deal with the situation. I was waiting for him when he left the bar, and when he exited, I subdued him and left him by the police station. He was arrested this morning,” he explained, only slightly editing the facts. He knew very well that Edward wanted to do more than hurt that man.
“That’s more than he deserved,” he replied angrily.
“Perhaps, but it would have been unwise to draw any attention with any violent action. Besides, as much as I agree that the man should answer for his crimes in a more immediate fashion, he is human and should answer to their laws and justice, Treaty or no Treaty.”
After a moment’s pause, he said half in awe and half in disbelief, “You really are something else, aren’t you?”
He looked down in abashment, “I merely follow my moral compass instead of letting my immediate emotions dictate my actions. It is simply centuries of practice."
“Right… well, in any case, at least now we don’t have to worry about the Bella situation anymore.” He eyed a large rock off to his side and leaned against it.
This was a sign that he wanted to talk more, surely? Otherwise, he might have just thanked him for the exchange of information and left, right?
“Yes, it seems that is one less worry we share. Since we’re here, do you mind if we continue our conversation from Sunday?” he asked, attempting nonchalance.
“Sure, I believe it was your turn to ask a question,” he motioned for him to continue.
So it was. But where to start! There was so much he wanted to know… he considered the list of queries he’d made and considered where to start. He took a deep breath and as the sweet scent of the woods mixed with Jacob’s own strange woody smell, he asked, “Tell me something, I noticed yesterday that Sam carries a similar scent as your great-grandfather and his pack. It’s quite strong and unique. But you don’t seem to share that with him, do you know why that is?”
This hadn’t quite been as high as other questions, but it tumbled out of him, nonetheless.
For a moment, Jacob looked shocked and blinked multiple times, as if he was processing the question. His heartbeat started racing, catching in strange pattern. The poor boy must have thought he meant that in a negative manner.
“Sorry, I mean no disrespect by it. It’s just a curiosity is all.”
“No, it’s fine. I guess I just didn’t expect that to be your question. Um, I don’t know. We don’t notice that same smell. I suppose if I had to think about it… I can tell that we all smell differently, but it’s probably not in the same way you mean,” he answered, and then furrowed his brow, “Why? What do I… smell like to you?”
Now it was Carlisle’s turn to hesitate. It was a complicated sort of answer after all. There was no simple way of saying, ‘you smell like the place where I found my humanity after turning into what I am now,’ after all. “It’s just different. Woodsy, would be the best way to surmise it.”
His eyebrows shot up at his response, but he said nothing else.
“I’m sorry that was a strange question I suppose. It was just something that I noticed,” he apologized.
“No, it’s fine, I guess. That’s what these meetings are for, right? Learning more about one another. You can ask another question if you’d like, last time I asked my share of questions,” he offered, waving away his concerns. Carlisle was slightly disappointed that there wasn't more to the answer, or rather a real answer at all, but he didn't press the topic.
“Alright, I noticed that there’s a couple of differences between you and other humans, physiologically. I noticed that Sam’s body temperature is higher, for example. Are there others?” he wondered. He left out that there while there was a difference between his own bodily temperature and Jacob’s, it wasn’t the scalding, open-flame feeling that he’d felt when shaking Sam’s hand before, or even his great-grandfather’s own so many years ago. This was something he wanted to contemplate further before he asked, especially given Jacob's reaction to being told that he didn't share the same scent.
“Yes. Our body temperature hovers around 108 degrees. We also heal quicker than humans. Much quicker. When it was just Sam and I at first, I saw his skin knit back up after I’d taken a swipe at him while we were phased. It was incredibly shocking to see. I accidently cut myself working on my car and same thing, the skin just came back together pretty quickly.”
“Fascinating,” Carlisle breathed out.
“It’s pretty useful,” Jacob shrugged, “makes it harder for us to be incapacitated. I also haven’t gotten sick since I first shifted, so I think our immune system is better than most humans’,” he sounded half-boastful and grinned.
“That certainly is handy. What about other abilities? Besides your shifting, as you called it,” he asked, curiosity taking over again.
“Our senses are heightened, even in human form. Our eyesight and sense of smell are probably the strongest. We can see in the dark rather well and we’re exceptional at picking scents. Not that we’d need that with you all. Vampires smell very distinct. Extremely sweet, to an almost burning point when we first experience the scent. Oh! And we’re pretty damn fast. And strong, even as humans. Maybe not as fast or as strong as you are in our human form, but I wager we could keep up with you in wolf form,” he answered confidently.
“Really?” he asked doubtfully.
“Sure. I ran all the way to Canada in a day, and I swam for a good ten miles too, didn’t faze me much,” he boasted.
“That’s pretty impressive. I’d like to see that myself one day, it might be fun to see it in person.” He hadn’t meant to say that.
“Maybe one day. It’d be cool to say I outran a vampire,” Jacob grinned.
“I suppose we’ll have to see about that, won’t we?" he answered with a raised brow. He didn’t doubt that he was fast, but it seemed impossible to him that anyone outside of his kind could keep pace with him.
“Sounds like a challenge to me, one I’ll happily take on,” he said still grinning. “Okay, my turn. So, what do vampires do instead of sleep? Seems pretty tedious, not being able to pass the night with rest.”
“Different things. It can certainly be dull without means to keep ourselves occupied, but I’ve found it’s the best time to keep learning. I often read or study new things related to medicine, though I don’t limit myself to just that. When time is no obstacle, it opens one up to endless pursuit for more knowledge.”
“You spend your nights reading?” he asked incredulously. “How lame!”
“It’s not all we do, simply what I find myself doing a lot of the time,” he defended. “We all have different interests and pursue them whenever we can. Rosalie enjoys mechanics and likes to work on whatever cars we currently have, Alice enjoys anything to do with fashion. The boys enjoy anything competitive, Emmett especially. Esme and Rosalie help run a foundation for battered women and children. They all hold various degrees in different academic fields.”
“Okay, so not as boring. Still, you really spend a lot of your time reading and studying?”
“Yes, I enjoy it. It keeps my mind busy and serves a purpose. That’s not to say I don’t have other interests, mind you. Here’s another question, perhaps it’s a little silly, but indulge me. Can you understand each other when you’re in wolf form? When you growl and such?”
Jacob laughed, a full laugh, tilting his head back, “We can but not in the way that you’re implying. We can hear each other’s thoughts. It’s actually really bizarre. I don’t know what it’s like for your son, but it’s almost like sharing a consciousness with them. And before you ask, it’s only while we’re phased.”
Seeing him so at ease made Carlisle smile in turn. Was this what he was like with his pack, with Bella? Could this be a side of him that he’d see more often as they got to know each other better? He certainly hoped so.
“One last thing, and then you can ask a question. How does it come to be that you transform? Is it a genetic component, or something that’s transmitted, like with my kind?” He didn’t think it was the latter, but it was something that had been on his mind. Hopefully he wouldn’t be offended at the thought of being compared to a vampire…
“It’s genetic. Everyone in the pack is a descendant of the previous pack in some way. The one you made the Treaty with. And they in turn were all descendants of the first one in our tribe to shift. Which is really shit luck, depending who you ask. I don’t mind it as much, but it’s pretty disruptive to our lives. We miss school a lot and I know that Sam had his eye on college, being a senior and all, but he chose to step away from school altogether. Not that he’d ever complain about it to anyone out loud,” he answered.
Carlisle opened his mouth, ready to ask more, his curiosity piqued about the origin of their power. But Jacob held up his hand, “Nuh-uh. My turn, remember?”
He smiled widely and looked down, “Yes, it is. My apologies, what’s your question?”
Jacob blinked for a couple seconds. “I don’t know actually. Give me a second?”
He acquiesced with a nod and a single chuckle. As the young man thought of his question, Carlisle took in his appearance. He was modestly dressed, faded black shirt and jagged jean shorts, and muddy canvas sneakers. Based on sounds from today and the previous meeting, he was pretty confident that clothes followed the laws of physics and did not phase with them. Which meant that they had to find a way to carry their clothes with them, or else they had stashes hidden around the woods, but that didn’t seem like a feasible option.
That must be tiring, or annoying at the very least. Privately, he wondered how many clothes the poor young wolves must go through when they are learning to shift back and forth.
“Okay! Here’s a question. You mentioned that you and your family don’t do this because of your morals. What stops the rest of your kind from outright slaughtering nations? Is a population thing, like there aren’t many vampires in general? Or is there some kind of secret vampire police force?” He added the last question as a joke, but he didn’t know just how close to the truth he really was.
“They’re certainly not a secret, nor are they a police force in the way you might think of them, but there is a coven that enforces our laws—”
“Vampires have laws?” he interrupted, surprised.
Carlisle smiled and raised his eyebrows in a pointed manner at Jacob. The latter looked down with an embarrassed smile, and murmured, “Sorry.”
“But yes; they are few, but they are absolute. They were put in place by the Volturi— that’s the coven’s name— to protect us from detection by the humans, and we are all expected to obey on pain of death,” he explained. He was tempted to disclose the laws, but he held back, hoping that by not clarifying them, it would force Jacob to make it his next question, in which case, it would be his own turn first.
“That’s pretty brutal,” he commented simply, and crossed his arms, motioning for Carlisle to ask his question.
“Since it’s genetic, then does every generation have a pack? I am aware of your great-grandfather’s pack, of course, and of yours. But what of you father and your grandfather? Did they have their own packs?”
“That’s not how it works, Doc. Something about vampires being present triggers the gene or whatever and makes it possible for us to shift. So, once you all moved in and our senses caught wind of it… the fever set in,” he shrugged.
Though it was physically impossible, Carlisle felt his stomach drop. Back when they first spoke, Sam had mentioned that it was their duty to protect the humans of the area, but the way he’d said it was if ‘duty’ might be synonymous with ‘burden’. Now, to hear from Jacob that this burden was placed on teenagers, who might otherwise be going on to college or just enjoying their care-free lives, because of them, because they’d chosen to return to the area… it made him feel an overwhelming amount of guilt and blame.
If they had never chosen to return to Forks, what would life have in store for Jacob? What did life have in store for him now?
Jacob must have noticed his distress because he tried to catch his eye as he said, “You ok, Doc?”
Carlisle snapped back to a relaxed expression and smiled softly, “Yes, fine, I apologize, I was just thinking... Would you mind if I ask another question before you?”
He rolled his eyes and said, “Sure, sure. As long as I get to ask two questions too.”
“Of course,” he smiled, being sure not to let his expression fall as he continued, “Has becoming a wolf changed what you want out of life? More specifically, are there things you wanted out of life that you feel are no longer options because you’ve changed?”
Confusion colored the young man’s face as he thought about it. “Not really, I don’t think. I can’t say I ever had any real aspirations before. I would have loved to become a mechanic and get to work on really cool cars, like for the Indy500 or Formula 1, but it’s not like that was ever in the cards for me. I know I’d need to stay in the rez and take care of my dad. If I left, then there’d be no one left to make sure he didn’t waste away. So, I don’t know, it’s not like this would change anything for me. And it’s not like we can’t leave the area, just that we wouldn’t, not with the responsibility of taking care of the humans and our land. But who knows? If things work out between us, maybe there wouldn’t be the same need and those who wanted could leave without any guilt of abandoning their responsibilities.”
That wasn’t the answer that Carlisle had hoped for. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for, to be honest, but it made him a little disheartened to hear that he treated his dreams as something that could be easily shrugged away. It was admirable that he wanted to take care of his father, truly, but it still pained him that it was at the cost of his dreams. It didn’t relieve him of the guilt about the change that he and his family had brought upon the residents of the reservation.
“Now I’m curious, why the question?” Jacob asked, head cocked to the side.
“Does that count as one of your questions?” he smirked.
“If you’re going to be like that, sure. So, again, why the question?” He hoisted himself on the rock, so he was sitting on it rather than leaning and crossed his arms.
Carlisle considered the question for a moment. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand where the question was born from, but it wasn’t a simple answer either. Not really, anyhow. “Well,” he began.
⁂
Jacob
“You mentioned that the reason you began to shift was due to us coming back. I suppose I can’t help but feel some guilt for it. If we hadn’t returned, you would all be free from the burden of duty. I understand that obligation all too well. I won’t bore you with the details, but I knew of duty before, well, before I was changed into what I am now. And while I can’t fully understand the extent that becoming a supernatural being has affected you all, I know that it is not easy.” He paused, and chuckled without humor, “I hope you will accept my words and know I mean them with every fiber of my being: We— I— never meant to disrupt anyone’s life. Had I known that our presence here might forever change your life, in any negative way, we would have stayed away. I’m so sorry.” He caught Jacob’s eyes and held his gaze as he said this. There was no doubting the strength of his sincerity.
The doctor, the damn bloodsucker, was tugging at his heartstrings in a way he hadn’t expected. Because Jacob could see, he could hear, that the vampire truly blamed himself for the disruption that came with being a part of the pack. It was easy to get caught up in the fun and thrill of being a part of the pack, but even only after several months of being a wolf… he understood that his life had changed forever.
He doubted that he’d ever be able to fall in love with the girl or boy next door, or ever get to go to college and do make college-age mistakes, or ever really let loose. Because there were rules that he couldn’t break now. Secrets that he’d have to guard for the rest of his unnatural life, that no one outside of those who knew would ever believe. Except Bella, but she didn’t count because she was unnaturally accepting.
He'd never be able to get smashed drunk at a college party, because if he lost control of his wolf, he might hurt someone without meaning to.
In exchange for some of the freedoms and abilities his supernatural talents granted him, there was a leash around his neck, tethering him in place to his home until he chose to stop phasing. And somehow… this leech—someone who less than a month ago was just a disturbance and nuisance, a something rather than a someone— understood that he’d unknowingly placed the tether around his neck.
And what’s more… he was apologizing for it.
Instinctually, he wanted to wave it away and make a joke. To scoff at the idea that the benefits of being a wolf outweighed any detriments. Though for the most part, that was how he felt, that he truly felt like he was born to be this, when he thought of the pain and responsibilities that Sam had taken on, or the resentment that Paul had over his loss of control… that made him stop from reacting lightly.
So instead, he took a deep breath and uncrossed his arms, letting them fall against the rock. “I appreciate the apology, and I’m sure that my brothers will too. But to be completely honest… I don’t mind it as much. I won’t say that there aren’t downsides to being a wolf, but I really feel like this is something that was meant to be. At least for me. There is freedom to being a wolf for me, being able to put aside human troubles for a while and running so freely. And who knows? If it wasn’t you all, it might have been some other vamps, so no biggie,” he shrugged and then smirked, “At least there’s some benefit to getting to know you, we get to know more about other bloodsuckers this way too. If any of them ever try to cross our lands, we’ll be better prepared.”
The doctor tilted his head back slightly and laughed, “Yes, I suppose that will certainly be true. Though I hope that if ever that happened, we could work collaboratively to prevent any harm to you and your pack either. That’s what allies do, right? Or friends? And thank you for being so gracious in your acceptance of my apology. I’m sure it must be an awkward thing to accept.” He scratched the nape of his neck in an absent-minded way and just then, the cloud bank let some sunlight through, and it filtered through the tree canopy above them. The dispersed rays of sun hit the vampire in small spots, scattering light across his face and his arm.
Jacob’s eyes were drawn by the brightness, and he noticed then that the doctor’s firm muscle was well defined against the thin material of the sleeve. He hadn’t noticed before how sturdy and athletic the doctor’s build was, but now he was caught staring. For a moment, he’d forgotten what the other man had said to him altogether and felt his mouth dry. To save himself further embarrassment, he said, “Um, yeah. Well, um, my second question… I—” he cleared his question, wracking through his mind for the question he previously had in mind, “Right. You mentioned your laws, or whatever. Can you tell me them, or are they some kind of secret for your kind?”
By now he’d completely looked away from the doctor and stared at a growing patch of yarrow flowers growing alongside the rock, focusing on anything but the doctor’s physique.
“They’re not a secret, we’re all encouraged to know them so we may follow them. But they can’t be written, that’s an infraction of them, an unspeaking rule so to speak. We know them through word of mouth. And like I mentioned, they were created with the idea of keeping us hidden from the human world, so I’m sure you’ll understand their need. Most importantly is to keep hunts inconspicuous and the remains disposed of when possible. The creation of those incapable of self-control, such as children, is the ultimate taboo and will be punished by the destruction of the child and its creator. Attention purposely drawn to a vampire by humans, such as revealing ourselves in the sunlight to a human, is also against our laws. To bring false information to the Volturi is illegal, regardless of intent. Hunting in the city where the Volturi remain is also off limits. And any dealings with any remaining Children of the Moon are also illegal, that’s what the Volturi would call werewolves.” He paused here and Jacob looked up, brows furrowed and concerned. “But you are not Children of the Moon, so no laws are broken by the Treaty or our meetings. You are something else entirely,” he breathed out with something akin to amazement.
Jacob looked down again, willing his heart to beat steadily. He began to brush the flowers on the yarrow plant that was within his reach.
“And I won’t be a poor sport and count your first question as part of your two. What’s your second question?”
“What are Children of the Moon like, then?” Thankfully, this question was easy to ask.
“I thought you might ask that. Well, I myself have never come across one, they were hunted to near extension, but based on all of my research, they do quite approach the image humans had of them. They resemble an ape-like creature in its stance, stands on its hind legs and retains usable hands, I mean. They are incredibly strong, they can take down a sole vampire, even. The silver bullet is a myth, much like crosses are to us… what else,” he said. “Well, they also do not retain their logical mind when they transform, which is also only during the fullest phase of a full moon, and are quite feral and dangerous. Though much like my kind, they spread their species only by infecting other humans through a bite.”
“Sounds pretty fucking terrifying. I guess they must be if you all hunted them so viciously,” he replied wide eyed.
“Yes, I suppose so,” the doctor said with a sad tone.
Feeling brave again, he looked back up.
Despite the way that he’d described them, the doctor seemed upset at the thought that they were so ferociously hunted. Just how far did his compassion spread?
“Your turn, Doc,” he reminded him.
“Ah, yes. Earlier you mentioned that only those descendants of the original shifter can now shift. Does that mean you know the origin of your gifts?” His eyes lit up as he spoke.
“That’s a longer story, but sort of I suppose. As the story goes, we always had magic in our blood, but before Taha Aki, that first shifter, we were Spirit Warriors. And I don’t know the origin of that. But the short version is that Taha Aki was a Great Spirit Chief and was betrayed by another power-hungry Spirit Warrior. His body was overtaken by that betrayer while he was away from it in Spirit. He tried to warn his people, but the betrayer had made it impossible for him to do so. In a last-ditch effort, he asked a wolf to share its body and return to warn his people. The false Chief killed a warrior who had figured out the truth and in outrage, Taha Aki was able to take over the wolf’s body and transform into a man. He dispatched the false Chief and from then on, he could transform into the wolf, but now larger and stronger to match his Spirit and strength. That’s the basic gist of it anyway,” he summarized.
“Fascinating!” he exclaimed giddily.
Jacob grinned in response.
The doctor looked down at his watch and sighed, “Well, unfortunately, I think that’s all the time we have for today. I offered to cover a colleague tonight since they covered my absence these past few days, but this has been most informative and illuminating. And I’m sure you have homework and other things to do as well.”
“What time is it?” he asked, shocked. Jacob looked up and saw that it was definitely darker, the sky through the canopy of trees was starting to bruise in marvelous reds and oranges.
“Nearly six,” he answered.
“Yeah, I suppose I should be heading out too. And yeah, this was… interesting.”
“We can set up another meeting soon?” he questioned hopefully.
“Sure, anything in mind?” he replied, aiming for casual.
“I’ll let you know; I don’t have a particular date in mind just now.”
“No problem, Doc. You have my number, just let me know and I’ll see if that works for me,” he said as he was such a busy individual.
“Right, well thank you again, Jacob, this was delightful.” He raised his arm to shake his hand in thanks.
After a second of hesitation, he dismounted his rocky perch and reached back to shake the vampire’s hand.
For a second time, he felt that combination of electric, magnetic shock and glacial touch as their hands met, but this time their eyes met, and the connection seemed to spread. It was as if through eye contact alone, he could feel the electrifying force.
After a soft smile, the doctor pulled his hand back and started heading back the way he came, this time with blinding speed. In less than a second, he was alone, with nothing but his twisting thoughts and racing heart.
Notes:
Soooooo, do we like?
I'm so excited for the next update! It includes a paragraph that started this whole thing in the first place!
I genuinely enjoy writing their interactions so much 🥹
Please let me know what you think, I always love to hear what your thoughts and theories are in the comments, they light up my days!
Chapter 18: Howl
Notes:
It's a longer chapter than usual and like I mentioned last month, part of this chapter is what started this story.
Please enjoy ♥️
(edit ***with slight spoiler***: I added a new line, see end notes if okay with a slight, not super important spoiler.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jacob
The walk home, because he didn’t think he had the mental strength to not think about the events of the last couple hours, was long but allowed him to categorize and sort through his thoughts in a better way and without the possibility of his brothers stumbling into anything he wasn’t ready for.
Once home, the sun had fully set, throwing a dark blanket across the sky.
Bella sent him a text.
Major update, we have to talk tomorrow!
He laughed and replied with a can’t wait.
If only she knew about his day!
His dad was chatting with someone on the landline, it sounded like Rebecca based on the conversation. If he wasn’t still in a half-daze, he might have wanted to speak to her, but instead he had his dad wish her well on his behalf and went straight into his room. As much as he didn’t want to, he knew he had to speak with Sam and let him know that he was alright, as well as let him know the basics of the conversation that he’d had with the doc, so before he could relax, he dialed Sam’s number as he leaned against the closed door of his room.
“Hey, Jake; are you just getting home now? It’s pretty late,” he commented.
“Yeah,” and immediately excused it by following it up with, “I ended up walking back.”
“You walked? Why didn’t you just shift?” he observed intriguingly.
Damn it.
He shouldn’t have said anything. In truth, he wasn’t sure why he’d said anything to begin with. Sam was only concerned with the lateness, Jacob could have lied and said he just hadn’t called him yet because he was eating dinner, or on the phone with Rebecca, or literally anything other than something that would bring about more questions.
What should he say now? What could he say?
“I wanted to push myself,” he lied, uncertain, “Um, I mentioned to the doc that we’re fast and we talked about testing just how fast we are in wolf form compared to them. I wanted to see just how fast I could get back on foot, but I got turned around once or twice. Have you noticed that our sense of direction is way better as wolves?” He hoped the question would distract Sam and he wouldn’t ask anything else that might force him to lie.
“Yeah, Quil’s mentioned that before I think. But the meeting went well?”
“Yup. I’ll give you the full run down tomorrow night, but a quick summary of what we talked about… well apparently there are vampire laws that a single coven enforces without question or mercy. And there’s actual werewolves somewhere, or there had been. Like movie monster ones,” he said trying to remember everything about their conversation.
“We’ll have to ask about that coven at some point, gauge if they’re something we’ll have to worry about,” he commented. “Anything else?”
“Oh, yeah actually. He asked about how we, specifically, were the ones who could shift versus other tribesmen, and I told him about Taha Aki and how their presence triggers us to be able to shift, and you know what he did?” he asked rhetorically. “He apologized. He went on about how if he’d known he would have chosen another location to spare us the discomforts and inconveniences of being supernatural, or whatever. Can you believe that? Like a real, solemn apology.”
Sam was quiet on the other line for a moment and then said quietly, “I know I’ve said this before, but damn, he really is different than I ever imagined.”
“I know,” he whispered back, almost inaudibly. Then he cleared his throat, “But yeah, that was the gist of it. Do you mind if we talk about specifics tomorrow? I’m hungry as hell and beat.”
“Of course, and I’m sure you have homework to complete too,” he remarked pointedly.
“Yeah, I know. Geez, you’re worse than my dad,” he laughed.
“Right, well good night, we’ll meet at night for rounds tomorrow then.” Then hung up once Jacob agreed.
He snapped his phone close and tossed it on the nightstand. He hadn’t been lying when he said he was starving, but he didn’t want to get into it with his dad. He still was opposed to Jacob meeting with the vampires and tried to bring it up when he could, and Jacob didn’t have the energy to argue with his dad. Because it would be an argument. Maybe before he’d seen that the doctor was actually a pretty great person the conversation would have been different, but now he didn’t think that he could stand it if his dad started to bad mouth him.
Which brought him to another point.
The doctor.
As if summoned, his mind was flooded with images of him. Without effort he could recall the time he first saw him in the hospital when everything changed. He wore the same kind expression that Jacob knew came naturally to him. In his mind’s eye he could picture Carlisle’s smile, his soft laughs, and his generally relaxed demeanor. The way his voice seemed to caress every word like they were all precious. God, the way he said Jacob’s name… It might be the same as he said any other word, but to his ears… it might as well be the way that a deaf man might hear a hymn for the first time.
Frustrated, he let himself fall against his small bed with a heavy thud. He stared at the ceiling trying his best to push past those thoughts. But images filled his mind again. The beautiful way that Carlisle's skin caught the sunlight and gleamed. The brilliant golden ochre of his eyes, that suited him so perfectly. The slight curve to his lips when he smiled. Carlisle was perfectly frozen in his prime, forever a perfect portrait that no mortal could ever hope to compete with; Michaelangelo would have wept at the opportunity to immortalize him further in stone.
He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes until he saw white spots behind closed lids and tried to clear his mind of any and all thoughts. And for a moment, he thought precisely of nothing. Or nothing except for Carlisle's skin, Carlisle's lips, Carlisle's eyes, Carlisle's hand touching him— he stopped to wonder when exactly he started thinking of the vampire as Carlisle and not the fanged devil, the leech he knew him to be. Or at the very least the doctor and monster he'd thought him to be.
This felt like imprinting all over again, the way that peace and heat washed over him simultaneously, but this was a hundred times, a thousand times more potent, as if finally accepting the feelings and the rightness of imprinting on Carlisle heightened every feeling in him.
He took another moment to consider the weight of this revelation, of realizing that he did feel something beyond the diplomatic bond Sam had thought this to be.
Was he okay with this?
A breath. And then another.
Yes.
No.
Another breath.
Yes.
Yes, he was okay with this. There were complications to admitting this, but those were problems for later. Right here, right now, in the privacy of his own mind, he could at least admit to himself that he was okay with it.
He took a moment to think the name. Carlisle. The same warmth that spread through him when the doctor—no, Carlisle— said his name, spread through him now. Then he considered tasting the name, its shape in his mouth and its melody with his own voice.
Jacob allowed himself to whisper the word slowly, and quietly, fully aware of the gravity of the occasion, "Carlisle."
It was late enough now that his dad would have gone to bed, but still he murmured it again almost inaudibly, just exhaling the word, “Carlisle…”
He closed his eyes as he let himself finally come to terms with the fact that yes, he, Jacob Black, felt something for Carlisle Cullen. And for the first time in months, he didn’t care if it was because of the imprinting or not. He let the feelings be for a while longer, letting them warm his cheeks with a blush, and release butterflies in his chest at the relief of finally admitting it.
Tomorrow, and every day after, he would find a way to deal with this revelation, but tonight, he let himself enjoy it and with that he drifted off to sleep.
⁂
Carlisle
In truth, he could have spared more time, after all it wouldn’t take him long to run home and race to the hospital. He also had the excuse that he needed to talk to Edward as well. But in reality, he needed time. Time to think. In the last couple hours, his thoughts continued to carousel around the same subject. Jacob. And it would be odd for them not to considering that they had spoken at length, but his thoughts weren’t concerned with the subject of their conversations, not really. They were footnotes, filed to be categorized at a later date. No matter what he tried, all he could think was how he could keep that marvelous young man in his life for a moment longer.
Not the other wolves. When they were speaking, it’s as if the world outside of them didn’t matter, not really. His reasons for continuing these meetings had shifted without his intent. It’s not that he didn’t want the allyship and friendship of the wolves, of course he did; it’s just that now… he wanted Jacob’s friendship, his presence, more than he wanted the former.
Unsure whether Edward was home, he’d shifted his thoughts away from the conversation he’d just had, or anything to do with Jacob, and instead started to think about the hospital. He drew on his concern for the overwrought night nurse who was trying to piece together enough money for her son to go to college, and the disappointment that he couldn’t do more for her, or anyone at the hospital. How he wished that there was an inconspicuous way he could provide better equipment for the small community hospital and the people there... perhaps Esme and Rosalie would have some advice in that avenue.
And sure enough, as he walked in Alice was waiting on the steps for him and she mouthed, “He’s waiting for you.”
He smiled in thanks and before headed inside. Edward met him at the door with a guilty look, but it was softer, like he wasn’t all that sorry.
“I’m not,” he answered his thoughts. “I know I shouldn’t have done it, Carlisle, but—”
“It’s alright, son. I know you would never endanger us on purpose. And I know some of your siblings might not understand, but I see the peace that has come over you since you’ve found her.” He placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and thought, ‘Perhaps you might accompany me to the hospital? It’ll be less of a run for you that way.’ This was said with some amusement at Edward’s expense. They all knew that in his own misguided way, he’d taken to ‘protecting’ Bella at night, watching over her as if the girl was in great danger at all times.
Edward cast him an unimpressed look but nodded, nonetheless.
With a chuckle, he patted Edward’s shoulder, and they made their way out to the garage where they got into his Mecedes. As soon as they were in the car, Edward scrunched his nose, “I can see what Jasper was talking about.”
“What do you mean?” Carlisle asked, confused, trying to discern what he was talking about.
“The smell,” Edward explained, “it’s faint but still there. I was hoping that was something that wouldn’t be passed down, but I guess they’re bound to smell like that. I wonder what we smell like them to them?”
Carlisle was aware that something had clicked in his subconscious, but afraid to reveal too much with his thoughts, he ignored it and instead answered the question, “They’ve mentioned that we smell like a burning sweetness. I wonder if that’s the venom that they can sense or if it’s something else?”
With a scoff, Edward replied, “Sounds about right. Of course, they would recognize the smell as something dangerous; humans might get too close and think us delightful, but the wolve are better equipped to tell the difference.”
As they drove at a blurring speed through the woods, Carlisle finally sighed and said, “Son, I don’t have your gift to know what you’re thinking. What’s on your mind?”
For a moment Edward was quiet, and solemn, but finally he looked out the window and answered quietly, “Carlisle, I didn’t mean to tell her. Not until the words were out of her mouth and I found myself answering her questions. She’s so frustratingly accepting of everything! But I never meant to put our family in any danger, I promise.”
“Edward! That had never crossed my mind. In any case, she found most of the pieces by other means. If you had denied the truth and spun some other story things might be more precarious then. What’s done is done. And like you said, she’s peculiarly accepting of us, and the wolves for that matter. I suppose that she was bound to find out at some point anyhow, what her best friend being a wolf and you as her paramour,” he chuckled.
“I don’t think she understands just how much she means to me, but I can’t deny that I love her anymore. As long as she wants me at her side, that’s where I’ll remain. And when she tires of me… I’ll leave, I’ll do the right thing,” he stated gravely.
Carlisle said nothing as they approached Forks, and he slowed down to just above the speed limit.
But as he approached the hospital he said, “She might surprise you and love you just as much, you know. What will you do then?”
He thought of Alice’s vision and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Edward ball his hands into tight fists.
“No. There has to be another option, Carlisle. I won’t damn her to this half-life we live. I will fight for her humanity with everything I have. Alice is wrong.”
Carlisle sensed that there was nothing he could say that Edward hadn’t already thought of, so he kept quiet as he brought the car to a stop before reaching the hospital and they remained in silence. Finally, he turned to look at his son and saw the man he’d always wanted to see, someone who had fallen in love and had found his match, so he smiled, “Edward, you know that I will always trust your judgement. But you’ve always failed to see yourself the way I see you. You are strong enough to fight your instincts and control your urges. I see a young man who wants to be a better man for someone he loves but doesn’t see that he already is that person. You only need to see it for yourself.”
Edward turned to face him with incredulity and wonder, “You’ve always given me too much credit, Carlisle. But I promise, not just to you, but to her, I will be that person.” They shared another look and smile before Edward left in a blur and disappeared to the nearest tree line. With a sigh, Carlisle continued and parked in his spot.
He greeted the night nurse and did his first round of the evening, there were no patients in the ER, but he liked the routine of stopping by and greeting the rest of the staff. Then he slipped into his office.
The rest of the offices, few as they were, were empty and though usually he would spend more time with the night nurses at their station… he needed time to think. And what better time than now?
He was sure that Edward would be preoccupied with Bella and his endless inner warring thoughts, and so felt free to finally let himself think of this afternoon. But no, that wasn’t true. It wasn’t just this afternoon. It was expressly of Jacob.
At long last, he let himself consider why he wanted his friendship above all else. He put his own reproof and self-criticism aside and let himself just think and feel. But strangely, it wasn’t just Jacob that came to mind.
First, it was Rosalie. The desperate look in her eyes as she begged Carlisle to save Emmett. It was wild and it was as if she didn’t understand herself why she needed this man she’d never met to be saved, why she could ask Carlisle to damn someone to the life she had begrudged those around her for having. And as the venom brought back Emmett from the brink of death, he saw the relief that overtook her completely. He saw the acceptance in Emmett’s eyes and the devotion he had to this apparent goddess who had saved him. He saw the love that bloomed from nothing. Strong and unbreakable, even all these years later.
He then thought of the story that Jasper and Alice had recounted of their love. Alice had known nothing, but after seeing a vision of their meeting and Jasper merely saying her name, she’d known who she was and that her future would be with him by her side, and that she’d love him endlessly. He thought of how Jasper had first seen her in a small diner in Philadelphia, and without hesitation knew that he would follow her anywhere, and how for the first time in a century, he’d felt hope.
If, after three centuries, his heart could beat, Carlisle was sure that it would have.
Is that what he felt when he saw Jacob? Not just hope, but boundless love to share? When he’d made up his mind to create a companion, it was not done out of some sense of romantic longing, just longing. He’d never felt the need to find the love he saw with his children, he thought perhaps that it was not something that he needed. Love was not something that he’d thought was missing from his life, he had a family to share eternity with and for nearly a century, that had been enough.
But a few hours, collectively less than a full day, spent with Jacob showed him just how vast and vacuous the void in heart really was. Until this moment he hadn’t wanted to admit it, but there it was. He knew without question what Edward must have been going through as he realized just how much he would do to stay in Jacob’s favor, even if it meant that he’d never feel the same way.
⁂
Jacob
School had been incredibly simultaneously boring as it had been nerve-wracking. Anytime one of his brothers looked at him, he felt panic build in his chest. What if they knew too? He recalled Paul’s initial disgust and briefly panicked at the thought of the others’ feelings when they learned about his feelings for Carlisle. As soon as school let out, he texted Bella to see if she wanted to hang out, which she agreed to. This served a dual purpose, as he could spend time with his friend and not have to worry about the pack until later.
As soon as he was home, he asked his dad if he could ask to borrow Harry’s car.
“Maybe, what do you need it for?” he asked.
“Bella and I want to hang out, and I thought it might be better if I drove up to see her since she’s been coming down to the rez to see me, y’know,” he shrugged.
“Sounds like fun, that way I’ll get to see Charlie too,” his dad agreed as he maneuvered his wheelchair towards his room.
“What? Aw, c’mon Dad,” he complained.
“What? I’m agreeing with you. You drive us over to Charlie’s and you get to see your friend and I get to see mine; I don’t understand what you’re upset about. Besides, there’s a game tonight and the damn television has been acting up again. That… and Sam told the council about your latest meeting with that Cullen,” he spat the name out like it was venom. “Whatever she thinks she knows, Bella needs to know that they are not what they seem. She needs to be warned,” Billy said decidedly.
“Dad, no. You’re being ridiculous. It’s one thing to come with me so you can watch the game with Charlie, but it’s another thing to try to intimidate Bella into ignoring the Cullens. Besides, you don’t even know them. You refuse to think that we could have been wrong all this time. About them anyway,” he rebutted.
“So, what? You speak with the vampire a couple of times, and you’ve forgotten what they can do, what they’re capable of doing? They’re monsters, Jacob, and if we forget that and lower our guard then—”
“God, Dad, stop it! You sound like a crazy person. Do you hear yourself? I can’t believe I was ever as paranoid as you! They’ve been here for more than two years now and there’s never been so much as a whisper of trouble from them. We broke the Treaty! And they chose to look the other way and forgive us. They would have been within their rights to act against us, but they didn’t. Why can’t you see that, if anything, we’ve been treating them unfairly by judging them so harshly without any measurable evidence against them? Why do you choose to stubbornly think this way?” He exploded, turning on his heel to face his dad.
“Because I see them for what they really are. I’m not fooled by the charade they put on. The Cold Ones almost destroyed our tribe before, I won’t let Sam’s foolish notions of peace and understanding let me become complacent. And neither should you. Maybe they only pretended to let the breach go temporarily. They’re gaining more knowledge about us too, learning our weaknesses… what if they wait until we’re distracted to attack?” he counterclaimed angrily.
“And what if the sky fell, Dad? What if the world just ended tomorrow? You’re deciding who they are based on the actions of other vampires. I’m not saying that vampires aren’t dangerous or shouldn’t generally be destroyed, I’m telling you that this vampire is different,” he defended.
His dad stayed silent, but unmoved, stubbornly regarding him. “But you’ve only met the leader. What if the others aren’t like him? Or they don’t agree with his way of feeding? You can only go based on what that leech tells you. All I’m saying is that they can’t be trusted. I just want you to be safe, son, why can’t you see that?”
Jacob sighed, exasperated and let his head fall back. He knew that there was no use arguing with the old man, no matter argument he presented, his dad would have a response, regardless of if it was true or not. “So, are we going to Forks or not, Dad?”
He was still upset, Jacob could tell by the deep valleys that were made up by his furrowed brows, but he stayed quiet, probably trying to decide whether to continue arguing pointlessly or to let the argument drop. Eventually he sighed, brought his hand to his face, and said, “Yes, fine. I’ll call Harry now.”
Jacob was quick to smirk, “You know, Dad, if you got me those parts I’m missing, we wouldn’t have to bother Harry anymore.”
“Ha! I’m not senile yet, Jake. We agreed you’d have to come up with the money to fix it when we bought that old piece of junk,” he perked up. It seemed he didn’t want to stay mad either. Good, that might make for an easier visit then.
“Sweet, let me know when you’re ready and I’ll go pick up the car then,” he called out as he passed his dad on his way to his room. There he considered what his dad had said earlier. It was true that he’d only ever really spoken with Carlisle and didn’t know anything else about the rest of his family… but he couldn’t see any of them as possible threats, not with Carlisle at the helm of things. Still, it would be beneficial for the future of their allyship to get to know the others too, as much as the thought made his stomach turn.
He started picking up his room, it was in a more chaotic state than he was used to. Under some mud-covered clothes, he found the duffle bag he’d taken to his impromptu Canada trip. The longer he stared at it, the more he realized why he’d put off emptying it. Inside were dirty clothes from his trip, including his favorite jacket, but more importantly, Carlisle’s deep blue scarf was in there too…
After a second of hesitation, he emptied the bag on his bed watching the mess of clothes scatter down, the corner piece of the fine fabric was poking out of his jacket, where he’d last hid it. He slid the scarf out of the pocket and passed soft fingers across the fabric in contemplation. It was surprising that such an ordinary thing as a scarf could have sent him into a panic before. He closed his eyes and brought it to his nose, inhaling deeply… and found himself mildly disappointed.
Instead of the earthy, pine-like scent that he’d become accustomed to, he smelled a mix of his own sweat, mud, and a certain mustiness—probably as a result of being tucked away all this time. Although…he took another deep breath.
Yes, buried under all those scents, there was still a hint of that heavenly fragrance he sought. It brought a small smile to his face, though it was quickly wiped away by his own thoughts.
How pathetic! Here he was smelling a dingy scarf like some lovesick fool. And that he most definitely was not. Sure, he could admit that there was more to the imprinting than a diplomatic bond—he was almost sure that there wasn’t any truth to it being a diplomatic bond in the first place—but that didn’t immediately mean that he was going to be fawning after the Doc like a puppy.
“Jake! Harry says you can stop by whenever you’re ready,” his dad called from the living room. He scrubbed his face and dropped the scarf back on top of the pile of clothes before leaving his room altogether. At least spending time with Bella might take his mind off his feelings.
⁂
The rain was coming down harder by the time they were around the corner from Bella’s house. Jacob parked the car across the street, seeing as there was another car in front of her house. It was hard to make out the specific make and model, but considering it seemed like a shiny, new car. Which most likely meant that this was Edward Cullen’s car. He rolled his eyes. Did all the Cullens have to drive fancy cars? Then he thought about what his dad had said about not knowing any of the other Cullens and internally groaned. Without further thought, he threw open the door and ran into the rain… only to find himself inches from the damn bloodsuckers car that had started to pull away.
He heard Bella half-scream, half-gasp from the sidewalk, and braced himself for the impact. Thank God for the stupid vamp’s reflexes, or it might have been a painful collision. They stared at each other through the windshield, as rain splashed off it. The bloodsucker looked almost confused.
Jacob recalled that the Doc mentioned that his son could read minds and tested it out by thinking, ‘You must be Edward, right?’
The other nodded once.
‘Scurrying away after seeing the big bad wolf drive in?’ he thought with a grin.
He missed his response because in that same moment, Bella grasped his arm. “Jacob? What the hell? You could have been hit you idiot!” Bella said in a panicked tone before smacking him on the arm lightly.
He rolled his eyes in response and gave her an open arm hug and stepped onto the sidewalk. He glanced back to the car, ‘I hope next time we can actually meet. Instead of you darting off with your tail between your legs, I mean.’
This time, he didn’t miss the other’s response, it was a roll of the eyes and the revving of the engine. Jacob grinned in response as the car peeled away. “I’ll be right back, now that the bloodsucker isn’t blocking the driveway, I’m going to pull in. Makes it easier to wheel my dad in,” he explained before he took long strides to the car. Billy did not look impressed but said nothing, only looking out the window in displeasure.
No sooner had he taken his dad out of the car, than Charlie pulled in and greeted them both.
“I was going to call you and invite you over, actually,” Charlie said with clap against Billy’s back. “You’re staying for dinner and the game, I hope?”
“That’s the plan,” his dad agreed.
“Good man, alright then, let’s get out of the rain, we have a game to watch!”
Soon the old man and Charlie were in the living room with a beer in hand and Bella and he were left to devise dinner. Some grilled cheeses and a salad later, dinner was squared away, and they scurried off to Bella’s room for some privacy.
“So, what was with the daredevil act earlier?” Bella asked after she nibbled on her food.
“Huh?”
She raised an eyebrow at him, “Running up to Edward’s car?”
“Oh! Oh. I don’t know, I guess I let my dad get to me earlier. I’ve only ever talked to Dr. Cullen,” he tried not to blush or show any sign of his feelings, “and for this truce to really work, we all have to start to get to know each other little by little. I figured your boyfriend,” he emphasized the word with the scrunch of his nose, “was a good start. I didn’t think things through though…”
She rolled her eyes, “You could have just asked me, you know? I could have introduced you two. I think you guys would get along. Maybe. As long as neither of you start with any vampire/werewolf things, anyway. And he’s not my boyfriend. At least… I don’t know. I really do like him, and he says he really likes me, but I don’t know. I’m kind of scared of how fast things are moving. I mean, last month we were ignoring each other for God’s sake! And now—” She stopped herself.
“And now?” he prompted as he took another big bite of his second grilled cheese.
She blushed and looked anywhere but at him. “I don’t know. I feel really strongly about him, Jake. It’s like, like… I don’t know like there’s something pulling us together. And when he’s gone, I feel this anxiety in my chest and it’s more than butterflies or whatever, I feel genuinely worried for him. I don’t know, it’s dumb. I’ve never been the girl who falls in love easy— I’ve never been in love before— so I don’t even know what I’m doing. And I guess he did kind of make it clear to everyone else at school that we’re like a couple or something… so I guess we’re together?”
He didn’t respond for a moment, gathering his thoughts and making sure that his answer wouldn’t give away his situation, because that was definitely certainly how it felt for him too. Finally, he said, “It sounds like you definitely have it bad, Bells. And to your last point, no one ever really knows what they’re doing, at least not when it comes to love and feelings and shit. Anyone who says they do it is a liar. Have you guys talked about all this? Like your feelings and stuff?”
“Kind of. But I just keep waiting for the other shoe to fall, honestly. For him to disappear… but we’re going on a, well, date this weekend. So, I guess we’ll see what happens then.” She ran her hand nervously through her hair.
Wanting to break some of the nervous energy, he wagged his eyebrows at her, “A date, huh? With the elusive Edward Cullen,” he pretended to gag, “are your friends dying to be you right now?”
She looked away and bit her lip, “Well… no one knows we’re going on a date. Aside from you now, I guess.”
He furrowed his brows, “How come? Won’t people just see you on your date? Why the big secret?”
“We’re not going on a date in town…” she started. “Edward wants to take me somewhere away from town, a special place, I guess.”
“Hold on, wait. Don’t say what I think you’re saying. You’re telling me that you’re going to be alone with the bloodsucker, and no one else knows where you’re going or that you’re even going?” His tone made it clear that this was a serious matter.
“Ugh, you two are going to get along. He wants me to tell someone too, and I told you now, so there.” She crossed her arms, “Look, I don’t think it’s an issue, but I don’t want to cause trouble for him regardless, so it’s better this way.”
“So, you admit that it is dangerous?” he asked seriously.
She set her mouth into a stubborn scowl and looked away.
“Bella,” he called from the edge of her bed, but she continued to ignore him and even turned to face away from him, childishly. “Bells,” he tried again, scooting closer to her. He made sure his tone was softer, not reprimanding or rebuking, but heavy with the concern that he had for her, “listen to me, please? I’m not saying this because of some inherent distrust, I promise, I know that he’s not going to squirrel you away to kill you or something… but still. If he thinks it’s a good idea, then maybe there is reason to be worried. Can’t you at least tell Charlie?”
Her shoulders fell some and after another moment she sighed, unfolded her arms and let her face fall into her hands. Jacob panicked, “Don’t cry! Crap, what did I say? Don’t—”
She turned quickly, and her face was not tear-stained as he’d feared, but red, her brows drawn together in a ferocious manner. She looked pissed.
“I’m not crying, moronic wolf,” she ground out from between her clenched teeth.
He leaned back, hands raised, with a panicked stare, this one laced with fear, “Woah, ok, not crying! Got it! Why are you so pissed?”
“You have to ask?” She glared at him with knives. “Why can’t you two just trust me to know what’s good for me or not? To trust that I know what I’m doing?”
“Don’t lump me with the leech! I just think that going on a date with someone you hardly know, when you don’t even where you’re going, is stupid before you even consider that you’re going with a vampire!” he said fervently.
“Because it’s different. He’s different, and besides I told you about it so you would be a good friend and not to be jerk about it! I am scared, but not about that! I’ve never even been on a date before! And now my first date is going to be with someone with immortal beauty, and that’s not an exaggeration! How am I supposed to prepare for that!” she said frantically.
He blinked at her words. And then proceeded to immediately double over in laughter. His laughter shook the whole bed and her face returned to its angered state. She began to swat at him without much effort, at least it didn’t seem so to him, and the threw him into another roaring fit of laughter. “So, you’re telling me that you’re acting like a fussy brat because you’re nervous about your first date?”
She turned towards him and started smacking him anywhere she could reach. “You’re not supposed to laugh you ass!” she continued to whine as she did, “What a friend you are!”
If this were anyone else, he would laughed harder at the spectacle she was making of herself, but this was Bella and some part of him softened at her plight. So, he dug deep and stifled the laughter to the best of his ability until it turned into a strained cough. “Sorry! I take it back, I take it back!”
She stopped smacking him, not that she was doing any damage, but her face remained upset.
He sighed, “Okay, fine. So, putting aside that you’re going on a date with a leech… why are you nervous?”
“I—” she started.
“And I don’t know doesn’t count!” he cut in with a smirk.
She glanced at him annoyed.
“Ugh! Fine!” She turned away from him and crossed her arms, “Well… it’s a first date, and I don’t know what to expect. Do I dress up? Or do I dress normal? What do we even talk about?”
He stared wide eyed at her questions as he realized he had no idea how to really help her. He’d never been on a date, and he didn’t really know what to say, but he collected himself and thought about his sisters. Flashes of squealing, make-up and comparing dresses came to mind. And then he thought of Bella and how that didn’t seem like her at all, so he sighed, “Bells… just be yourself.”
She rolled her eyes.
He laughed, “Look, I know that it sounds very cliché, and it might be… but it’s a cliché for a reason, right? The lee—” she shot him a look and it was his turn to roll his eyes, “right, Edward, seems to like you and it makes sense that he likes you for you. So, why would you try to be someone else for a first date? Just wear what you would normally wear and talk about what you would normally talk about.”
That made sense right?
He looked over to her to gauge her reaction.
She was biting her bottom lip and there was a crease between her brows, but she was nodding thoughtfully.
“Yeah, I guess that makes sense. So then why don’t I feel better?”
“Maybe it’s just butterflies or whatever. That’s a thing, right?” The image of Carlisle flitted across his mind’s eye, but he shook his head to clear the image from his mind.
“Right,” she said with the shake of her head, and then cursed under her breath. “No, you’re right, I guess this is no different than the nerves before the first day of school.”
“Exactly!” he said, although he wasn’t sure what he was agreeing to exactly, as he never really felt nervous before school, but if it made sense to her then that was all that mattered.
She sighed and then let herself fall against the bed, “Thanks Jake, you’re the best.”
“You should tell my pops that, and my teachers, and the pack—”
“Sure, Jake… if you want we’ll go around and tell everyone who’ll hear us that you’re the best, “ she interrupted dryly.
He laughed at her tone and stood up, “Alright, I can sense sarcasm when I hear it. I should head out, otherwise the old man will be impossible to deal with.”
“She got up and nodded, “Should I remind him that you’re the best before you leave?”
Jacob smiled widely, “Sure, someone should.”
They made their way down where his dad and Charlie were finishing their beers and chuckling over some commentary.
“Alright kids, bedtime,” Jacob said with a grin as he walked into the living room.
His dad grumbled about ‘ungrateful kids’ before relenting and raising his hands in defeat and Charlie clapped him on the back with a laugh. They didn’t actually leave the house for another thirty minutes as Charlie and his dad inevitably continued to talk and joke around like teenagers, leaving himself and Bella to be the adults and remind them that it was a school night he still had to drive them home.
And honestly, he would have preferred to leave his dad at the Swan house than to deal with the one-eighty his dad did as soon as they were in the car and pulling away.
“So, are we going to talk about the fact that a Cullen,” his dad spat the word like it was venom in his mouth, “was dropping off Bella?”
Jacob sighed, “No, dad. Because I don’t feel like arguing the whole ride back, okay?”
It seemed his dad didn’t agree.
“How can you be so careless about this Jacob? You have to tell her to keep away from him! He’s dangerous, they all are!” His voice was no longer a stern tone but bordering on a yell.
His knuckles turned white as he gripped the steering wheel harder, though he was mindful enough not to crack the damn thing, “I can’t keep having this conversation with you. Besides, she’s not an idiot.” He didn’t agree with her choice of withholding the fact that she was going on a secret date with the leech from everyone, but he wasn’t going to tell him that. He’d be apoplectic. “She knows what she’s doing,” he hoped, “and she’s making an informed decision. She’s not like us, Dad. She wasn’t born into a supernatural world where this is normal, she could have just as easily turned on the pack as she could have the Cullens. But she didn’t, because she has more critical thinking than the lot of us put together.”
Okay, maybe that was selling it thick, all things considered, but he wanted to defend not just his best friend but the Cullens too. Carlisle was a good person. Nothing could convince him otherwise now, and if he had to bolster Bella’s decisions to do so then so be it.
His dad didn’t reply for the rest of the car ride, clearly still upset if his brooding and grumbling were a sign, but he seemed to get the hint that he wasn’t having this conversation anytime soon. It was awkward as hell, but better than pointlessly arguing, he supposed.
Later when he was getting ready to meet Sam, he hoped and prayed that Bella really did know what she was doing and that she wouldn’t end up as collateral damage to the nature of a vampire. Because then the pack would have no choice, regardless of the fact that the Cullens had let Jared’s slip up pass, if one of them hurt a human it would be war.
And the idea of having to stand against Carlisle turned his stomach in a painful way, more so than the following guilt for being more concerned about possibly having to fight Carlisle rather than the hypothetical death of his best friend.
But that’s when the most absolute pack rule flitted across his mind, and he paled.
Fuck.
He had to talk to Sam.
Notes:
This is probably my favorite chapter to write (so far!)
The part where Jacob starts to spiral and admit that he actually feels something is what started this whole journey... it was amazing to finally be able to write it!
Ahhhhhhhh! Anyway, I hope y'all enjoyed the longer chapter as much as I did writing it.
I'm working hard to write more and hopefully get more chapters up soon.
Happy Holidays to all and Happy New Year's!
(edit ***with slight spoiler***: Made a *slight* change to a single sentence. It's basically changing the implication that Carlisle changed Rosalie, which he didn't in this story.
(this will be the last update for this year, friends! In my New Year's resolutions, number #5 is finishing this fic before the end of 2025 🤣)
Chapter 19: Distraction
Notes:
First chapter of the year baby!
Ok, I have soooo many things I want to say, first and foremost, thank you all again for the continued support and I love you all so very much for it!
I wasn't going to post this for another week but I changed my mind for two main reasons.
1. I made a slight change to the previous chapter and I wasn't sure if that would send a notification to all those who are following the story. And I would hate for you to be disappointed that a new chapter hadn't been added.
2. For those living in the U.S. today might be... emotional and probably not in the best ways, so what better distraction than a new chapter?!
See the end notes for a possible spoiler regarding the change in rating!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jacob
They’d all agreed that since the Cullens were acting in good faith, they’d decrease their patrols so the pack could have a more balanced sleep schedule—hence why it was only him and Sam on tonight’s patrol.
Ever since he’d imprinted, he’d been practicing being more mindful about his conscious thoughts to minimize what the pack could see when they in wolf form. He’d had an idea a while ago to help with this and he’d been practicing since then, especially since Bella’s bloodsucker could read minds. And he’d like to think that he was getting pretty good at keeping his mind focused on a single train of thought. But tonight, he was on edge about shifting, because he didn’t want to tip his hand just yet, but he knew that being anxious didn’t help concentration.
Jacob had too much in his mind and it wasn’t all for pack consumption, even if it was just Sam for now. There was the fact that he didn’t want to share Bella’s secret date, because as much as he disagreed with the secret part, he couldn’t help but want to keep it out of the pack’s mind. She deserved some privacy, at least. Of course, there was also the massive realization that he’d had about his feelings for Carlisle. He wasn’t ashamed of them; how could he be of such pure feelings? But he also didn’t want to advertise it to everyone just yet. Maybe just Sam for now. He could trust that he could keep that to himself until Jacob was ready to tell everyone else.
Then there was the errant thought he’d had before heading out.
No wolf may harm the imprintee of a fellow pack-member.
This was their most absolute law. And yet… no one had brought it up. Could it be that they simply chose to unconsciously ignore it since they were all working under the assumption that this imprinting was of a diplomatic nature, so it didn’t register in their minds? Or perhaps since only he and Sam had imprinted the concept was still too new and foreign to the rest of them?
Regardless of the reason, he would be an idiot not to remind Sam of this law. It would affect how they continued to get along with the Cullens in one way or another. In the best-case scenario, without the ability to fight them, the pack might make a better effort to be allies with the vamps. On the other hand, the worst-case scenario involved increased levels of distrust, hostility, and paranoia from anyone who saw this as a threat. And he knew that his dad was on the very top of that list. He let out a breath in a huff, extremely glad for the umpteenth time that his dad had never shifted, and it fanned out in front of his muzzle in a barely perceptible cloud. Jacob wasn’t sure that his dad wouldn’t hurt Carlisle regardless of that most important law they had.
Then again, perhaps if he had shifted… then he’d know that what he felt was real and that there was nothing or no one in this world who could have stopped him from feeling this way. He shook the thoughts of all of this away, knowing that Sam would join him any second. Instead, he focused on something else, letting his mind be filled with overlapping white noise of mundane thoughts.
And sure enough, minutes later his mind-space was joined by the familiar presence of Sam. Jacob laid down, resting his head atop his paws until he heard Sam approach a short while later and rose to greet him. He made a point to ignore the flitting images and onslaught of feelings emanating from Sam’s subconscious thoughts about Emily. It seemed that he had tried talking to her again, to no avail.
They nodded in greeting and started trotting near the border of their land.
After a couple of minutes, Sam’s mind was formulating half-formed questions and curiosity was lapping at the edges of Jacob’s mind. Until finally Sam finally commented, ‘Your mind awfully… loud, yet quiet. It’s curious. Is there something on your mind?’
While he didn’t answer, his own mind seemed to push the feeling of ‘yes’ out in pulses, until he thought back, ‘What do you mean ‘loud, yet quiet’? That doesn’t make sense.’ He wasn’t quite avoiding the question, but he was curious about what he meant.
Sam indulged the momentary adjustment of topic, ‘Well, there seems to be a lot of thoughts filtering through your mind, but it seems… inorganic, if that makes sense. Like it’s a smokescreen.’ He cocked his head to the side, contemplating Jacob’s thoughts again, it seemed, and nodded, ‘How did you manage it?’ His tone seemed to be impressed.
‘It’s something I’ve been working on,’ he replied earnestly. ‘It started as a way to keep a better grip on my subconscious thoughts, not hidden, but buried. As much as I enjoy a lot of aspects of this whole “wolf-telepathy” thing, it can get annoying to have every thought out for display.’ As if agreeing and proving point, Sam’s mind flickered again to Emily and to Leah with a pang of longing, regret, and love all surrounded by a bleeding edge of vulnerability and irritation. ‘And, I don’t know, it seemed to be a good plan to find a way to maintain some privacy, y’know? Plus, it would help too, with the mind-reading vampire.’
Jacob kept the thoughts about Bella and her stupid boyfriend tamped down, thinking about the first time he transformed and all the feelings that came with it. In the end, only a flash of Bella’s face crossed his mind.
Sam grunted, clearly impressed. ‘You’ll have to teach us that trick, it will certainly be helpful then.’ He paused thoughtfully before circling back to his original question, ‘So, what’s on your mind that made you try this?’
Here it was more difficult to hide his emotions and thoughts from filtering through the white noise that he’d filled his mind with, and images of Carlisle flashed through his mind’s eye before he could usher them away.
‘Ah.’
Yeah. That word alone told him that it had been smart to tuck his thoughts away. This was not going to be a fun conversation.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Sam offered.
Jacob huffed out a laugh, though it sounded more like a growled-out huff than a laugh in his current form. ‘Not really, but I know I have to. I don’t have luxury of keeping this to myself.’ Confusion filled their shared mind-space. ‘I—’ Jacob started but stopped abruptly. How was he even supposed to say this without sounding like an idiot? He took a deep breath and let his mind quiet down, letting his thoughts actually reach Sam’s.
He let himself think about Carlisle, the moment of realization that he’d had, the wave of feelings and relief that had washed over him when he let himself realize that he felt something for the vampire patriarch, beyond ally-ship and friendship and whatever diplomatic bullshit he’d pretended it was. And then he let the white noise settle in his mind again, doubling down on it ensuring that Carlisle and his heart were well hidden behind a wall of tedium.
Sam stopped walking next to him and Jacob glanced over his shoulder, ears pressed flat against his skull in trepidation.
‘I see.’
It was the only thing that Sam thought back, though there were flashes of racing thoughts as he tried to organize his mind and think of what to say next. ‘When did you realize this?’
‘After we met the other day. That’s the real reason I didn’t shift after I met with him, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep those thoughts out of my mind and I wasn’t sure if anyone else had shifted. But yeah, I guess we should talk about everything I learned too. I have something else we should discuss but it can wait until after.’
Sam hesitated for a moment and then continued to walk alongside him with a nod. And so, Jacob did just that, relaying all that he had learned when meeting with Carlisle from how Bella learned from Edward what he and his family were, the danger she was in, to the Volturi coven and the laws that all vampires were subject to. Sam would only interrupt to clarify something or to make a stray comment here and there, but under all his thoughts was the constant feeling that there was something else he wanted to voice to Jacob, and though they both knew what it was regarding, they both ignored it. At least for now.
‘This is good information. Did he give any inclination that this Volturi coven might pose a threat to us?’ he finally asked, imagining Dracula-like vampires with spidery blue veins, blood covered fangs and coffins.
Jacob laughed at the image but added, ‘Apparently, they don’t sleep either.’
Sam shook his head in bewilderment and mild disgust, ‘How unnatural.’ The urge to defend Carlisle rose in his chest and translated as a low rumble of a growl. Sam merely rolled his eyes, ‘Calm down, Romeo. It’s not like we have a lot of room to judge either, it was just a comment.’
‘Right. Yeah, sorry. Didn’t mean it, it was just an instinct thing,’ he replied with a sheepish dip of his head. But speaking of instincts… he might as well tell Sam about the actual reason that he’d even told him about how he felt about Carlisle. ‘There’s another thing that we need to discuss, Sam…’ he stopped and circled around to face his Alpha. ‘Why haven’t you said anything about us being powerless against the Cullens now?’
Immediately, Sam’s ears flattened back, and he dipped his head low in an uncharacteristically submissive posture, a low whine erupting from him. His eyes shifted from Jacob to the ground and back again, until he shook his head for a final time and looked away.
‘Wait, Sam. I thought that maybe you hadn’t thought of it, but you’re telling me that you purposefully didn’t bring it up?’ Icy shock coursed through his body as confusion as to why hammered through the white noise in his mind.
After a long moment, in which Sam warred with his guilt, and what to say, and how to say it… his posture changed again. He stood straight and his eyes were focused, and alert. ‘I didn’t say anything because it would have ruined any chance for peace. Do you think that I don’t know that Paul is just itching for an excuse to fight anyone? That not that long ago, you would have been just as eager to fight them with any excuse? What if I had told you that it was no longer an option? That your own biology, that Fate, had made it impossible? That there was no such thing as a diplomatic imprint? The pack might have split! A fight might have broken out between us and the Cullens, brought on by misguided distrust and misplaced anger. We would have lost brothers, and they might have lost some of their family too. And if God forbid, someone had managed to kill Carlisle?’ An unbidden snarl rose in Jacob’s throat and erupted from his bared teeth. Logically, he knew that Sam was only giving an example, but even hearing the words made him see red, and splinter his heart. With a responding growl, Sam calmed him down. ‘You see? Even if you hadn’t realized that you cared for Carlisle by then, everything inside of you would know that him being gone was not an option. You might have realized you cared too late. And what then? Would you kill the brother who struck him down? Force me to exile them? There was no good outcome if I reminded anyone of that, and I hope I won’t need to.’
Jacob considered this as he considered Sam’s explanation until he finally nodded. ‘You made the right call. I was thinking something similar once I remembered about the rule. I guess that’s why you’re Alpha, you’re quicker about good decisions than us,’ he said with a playful huff. ‘I am curious though, what did you mean when you said that there’s no such thing as a diplomatic imprint? I thought you and Harry had found instances of non-romantic imprinting?’
Sam led them back towards the small cabin they’d claimed as their own as he answered, ‘We did. At least, I led him to believe that; but upon further inspection it didn’t seem that any instance ever stayed platonic. They started platonic, but it seemed to only continue that way until the imprintee decided to pursue something more with their imprinter. Harry was happy to accept that they had all stayed platonic due to large age gaps, or the fact that in most of the instances we found, the two subjects were male.’ A sympathetic feeling stretched out from Sam towards Jacob, as if to mean that he understood that the path ahead would be difficult in ways that extended beyond the supernatural and into more simple-minded things like ignorance and traditional beliefs. ‘But it was clear in the way that the journals spoke that romantic feelings were present in all of them. I believed it was only a matter of time before you would get past your own stubbornness and preconceptions and let more natural feelings develop. The harder you fight it, the stronger the feelings become… trust me.’ In quick succession, more flashes of feeling than sight, images of Leah then Emily crossed over each other, but each time, Emily’s image superimposed itself like a brand. It was light, and like taking a deep breath after being submerged in water for too long. It was how he felt when he thought of Carlisle too.
Jacob nodded, sending back a wave of sympathy for the tough situation Sam found himself in. Knowing that he loved Leah and had planned so much for them, and then in an instant, knowing that what he felt for Leah was nothing in comparison to what he could have with Emily. But imprinting didn’t erase the guilt, the shame, the pain that Sam felt.
They arrived at the cabin and before he walked around it to shift back, Sam turned back to look at him, ‘You don’t have to say anything to the others about Carlisle, not until you’re ready. And don’t worry about the other thing. I’m hopeful that we won’t reach a situation where that even becomes a relevant point, after all, we technically breached the Treaty, and no one brought it up then.’
He paused for second and quietly replied, ‘Thank you Sam, it means more than you know.’ And he hoped that Sam knew that it wasn’t just for letting him tell the others on his own time and for having his back, but for just… accepting him and his feelings without any real judgement.
⁂
Due to the previous night’s patrol, he’d overslept, and by the time he was awake, it was late enough that it didn’t seem worth it to go, especially given that it was a Friday. He’d just get the homework from one of his brothers. So, he texted Quil if he could tell him what homework he’d have to catch up on and then laid back down to sleep.
Despite not being up too terribly late given that their patrols had been reduced, he was still mentally exhausted. This had been the first time he’d really gotten some rest in the last two nights since he’d finally admitted to himself that he felt something for Carlisle.
Damn.
Had it really only been two days? It felt like a small eternity since he’d seen Carlisle. He wondered when he’d see him again and if could just text him to talk again soon. Would that be weird? Surely it wouldn’t be, after all they were supposed to be learning more about each other, right? But should he let Carlisle reach out first, so he didn’t seem too eager? What if Carlisle realized that he felt something for him? Would he be polite and ask for someone else to take his place in these talks? Sam would probably ask Quil, and jealousy burned in his chest for a flitting moment before he shook the idea from his head. He was being ridiculous.
A building headache pulsed behind his eyes until he finally relented and pushed the thoughts the thoughts aside and got up. His alarm clock marked that it was just past two in the afternoon. After stretching and checking his phone, he’d realized he’d never charged it, and it had shut off sometime after he’d texted Quil. He plugged it in and jumped in the shower.
The water was icy and before he could let himself think about why, he let it run without attempting to adjust the temperature and stepped in, letting the chilling water run over his back with a shiver that was equal parts pleasure and discomfort. Shame flamed his cheeks as he realized that the freezing water was similar to the bodily temperature of one Carlisle Cullen. The memory of shaking his hand came unbidden, as did the thoughts that followed, as his mind curiously wondered what that frosty touch would feel against his lips, his chest… The heat of his body naturally built cold condensation in the small shower as the temperatures battled in the cramped space, giving off the illusion that the water was steaming hot. But that cold-hot sensation only seemed to make his body react more and more until he couldn’t ignore the evidence between his legs that proved that he was painfully turned on.
Fuck.
Weren’t cold showers supposed to get rid of these problems? Not cause them?
He pressed on, ignoring the building heat in his groin, and opting to continue his routine, grabbing some shampoo and lathering it into his long hair. But his traitorous mind whispered to him how wonderful it would be if it were Carlisle’s fingers lingering in his scalp when he rinsed it out; or his fingers against his chest as he dragged the soapy rag across it. It was all bearable until he turned around to face the spray of the water and it cascaded across his chest and down his pelvis, where the cold rivulets caressed the base of his… problem.
A small hiss escaped between his gritted teeth and with it escaped all reason.
Jacob's eyes fluttered closed as his hand wrapped around his hardness, the warmth of his own skin a poor substitute for the chilled touch he truly craved. The memory of those fingers, so slender and pale, haunted him still. He couldn't bring himself to think the name, not now, not like this, but the image of that face, those eyes, seared itself into his mind.
As he began to move, his hips rocking into his tight grip, the sound of the water created a soothing background hum. He imagined the gentle lapping of lips against his earlobe, the whispered promises of dark delight. The words themselves were lost to him, but the tone was unmistakable – low, husky, and reverent. His hand moved faster, as if trying to keep pace with the racing thoughts in his mind.
He turned away from the unending stream. And the water cascaded down his back like a lover's caress, each droplet sending shivers down his spine. He leaned back into it, letting it wash away all thoughts except one: him. His lips on his neck, tracing patterns with icy precision; kisses scattered down his back like rose petals on a summer breeze.
Jacob's breathing quickened as he turned to face the water once more. His free hand hovered over the wall tiles as if seeking support or perhaps guidance from some unseen force guiding this mad dance with himself and that voice in his head—always whispering sweet nothings only Jacob could hear now since being possessed utterly and completely consumed.
And then came that instant when all fantasies merged: lips closing around him like an arctic night; icy breath dancing along over-sensitized skin sending shivers through every limb leaving nothing untouched until nothing existed outside these crashing waves of pleasure ripping through everything, forcing open unwilling, reluctant, and unprepared senses that were screaming silently, voicing what could never be spoken until...
Somewhere deep within, he heard 'Jacob' called out by that melodic voice echoing off wet tile walls, rebounding off eardrums, still ringing long after initial impact. The sweet sound of his name made him gasp and sent unspent shudders down his back to ride out the aftershocks of pleasure, as he continued to buck listlessly into his hand. “Carlisle!” he bit into his arm, hoping to hide his pleasured groan with it.
As his vision returned, bringing with it the cold reality, and slamming home the abrupt awareness of what he’d done—all the while his spent nerve endings continued to respond in torn, twisting movements—shame filled his consciousness.
His breath came back to him in pants, and suddenly he needed the cold shower more than ever to cool his feverishly hot face and body. What’s worse, his teeth were perfectly imprinted into his arm, some edges bleeding and already knitting back together.
Had he just jerked off in the shower, just because the cold water reminded him of Carlisle?
Images of his fantasy flitted across his mind’s eye and a blush filled his face as he shook his head clear of the images. He didn’t need a continuation, thank you very much.
Great, now he had something else he needed to keep safe in his mind. He quickly finished his shower, slightly ashamed that he’d used up so much water for that and tried to put it out of his mind. He pulled on some clothes hastily before making his way out of the steam-filled bathroom.
He popped his head around the corner into the kitchen and saw that his dad was on the phone with someone, making plans which meant it most likely Harry. With a sigh of relief, he quickly made a couple of ham and cheese sandwiches and scurried back to his room as he wolfed—ha! — one down. Jacob recalled that he’d wanted to check his phone before his… eventful… shower and disconnected and turned it on.
After powering it on, a barrage of text messages and missed phone call notices popped up. ‘Great, he thought sarcastically, ‘now what?’ He had multiple missed calls from Quil, a barrage of texts to their group chat, which Jared had taken to calling the ‘Call of the Wild’ much to everyone’s but Embry’s dismay. Before he could start reading the messages, another call from Quil came through.
He answered the call, fully expecting to hear just how upset Sam was that he’d ditched school, “Hey, Qui—”
“Damn it, Jake! Why haven’t you been answering?!” his voice was a mix on anxious and upset, then he turned away from the phone and called out to somebody else, “Tell him to come back, I got a hold of him!”
Immediately, he got serious, “What happened Quil? Is everyone ok?” His heart hammered in his chest, thinking that something happened with the Cullens, and he grabbed the bundle of clothes he’d used the previous night and bolted out his room. Quil was still talking with someone and hadn’t answered him.
As he was heading out the door, his dad shouted after him, “Jacob? What happened? Where are you going?”
“I don’t know, Dad, something’s happening with the pack, I’ll let you know when I come back,” he called back as he shut the door behind him and jogged to the woods behind his house. “Quil, what’s happening?” he asked again.
“Look, I’m trying to keep everyone calm, just get to the cabin as soon as you can, okay?” he answered.
“On my way, I’ll be there soon,” he said before flipping the phone closed and stuffing it between his bundle of clothes. Jacob threw off his clothes as quickly as he could and hid them by a bush before tying the damn clothes to his leg and shifting.
And then he was hit with pain and sorrow that was not his own.
Notes:
Rating change is due to a semi-explicit scene where Jacob pleasures himself in the shower toward the end of the chapter, sorry no Jake/Carlisle sexy scenes yet.
But please let me know your thoughts!
I re-wrote the scene a couple of hours ago. It's my first smut-ish scene and it didn't read as well before, but I made some changes and I'm happier with it.
Thoughts?
Chapter 20: Brother
Chapter Text
Jacob
The pain nearly enough to cripple him, but a small voice reminded him that this emotional anguish was not his own and that he had to push through and help his brother. It seemed as if Sam were drowning in an ocean that spilled onto a shoreless void. Not literally of course, but it was as if his feelings and spirit had been overtaken by wave after wave of sorrow and pain that were then swallowed up into a barren emptiness. There was no rhythm or reason to it, he couldn’t deduce what happened, only a pain that was tantamount to feeling overwhelmed by emotions— the waves— and a profound hollowness— the void— that followed it and preceded it simultaneously.
He shook his head, attempting to clear it as he pushed through the haze and continued to run to the cabin.
‘Sam!’ he called out, desperately, attempting to catch his attention.
He was met only by relentless anguish.
But this pain wasn’t physical, it wasn’t just profound anguish, there was guilt and self-loathing, and a fierce feeling of not enough.
Jacob doubled his efforts, ‘Sam! It’s Jacob, please, what happened? What can I do? How do I help?’ He was only faintly aware that he was whining as he tried to get Sam to come out of this stupor, to react in any form.
He could detect a faint awareness from Sam, as if he could finally sense that someone else was sharing his mind. But this awareness only added more guilt to the storm and with it came twinges of anger and something akin to jealousy. It was not actual awareness, as if Sam were so embroiled in his mind that he couldn’t hear him.
Where were his brothers? Surely, they knew something had happened since they’d contacted him in the first place. But why weren’t they here trying to help Sam in the only place where they might reach him?
As he neared the cabin, he tried once more before he shifted back to speak with the rest of his pack, to get more information, ‘Sam, help is coming, just hold on man. Don’t do anything stupid.’
He changed quickly, still moving closer as he did and as soon as he broke through the tree line in a run, Quil ran to meet him.
“What happened?” he asked immediately, his confusion and frustration clear.
“Jake, Jesus, how’d you get here so fast?” Quil said as they walked towards the makeshift firepit they’d made, where the rest of his brothers were discussing something loudly.
“What? I shifted, what else. Will someone please tell me what happened?” he asked again.
Something caught their attention, and they all stopped to stare.
“You were able to shift?” Jared asked with disbelief.
“Yes; but it wasn’t like I was in the middle of town or anything, so will one of you tell me why you’re looking at me like I’m the crazy one?” his tone was no longer concerned, it was seeped with anger. How could they focus on such as stupid question when Sam was suffering so much.
“Jake, no one has been able to shift since Sam gave the order, before he— well, before he lost it,” replied Embry softly.
He opened his mouth to ask what happened again and to ask him to explain, but Jared spoke up again.
“We don’t know all the details, but Sam had told me that he was going to see Emily again, and when he came back, he had this empty look in his eyes. We tried distracting him, but he just looked like he was in another world, so we figured we’d give him space. But then we were talking about the situation with the Cullens, and he just shifted and ran. Of course, we followed, but he ordered us to phase back and not to follow. He used his Alpha voice or whatever, because we couldn’t help but follow it. We haven’t been able to shift since then. But we know he’s somewhere north of here, by a cave. We’ve tried getting close, but he just growls and shit. We don’t know what else to do, man.” The pain was evident in Jared’s voice. And Jacob got it, because as much as they were all brothers, Jared and Sam had been close before they ever shifted, like he, Quil, and Embry had been. It must be hell to feel so powerless in this situation.
“But why was Jacob able to shift?” Paul asked, arms crossed.
Quil scratched the back of his neck as he looked in the direction that Jacob assumed Sam was in, “Maybe because he didn’t hear the order?”
“I didn’t hear it though, and I haven’t been able to shift either,” piped in Embry, “I had only just shifted, and I was like… forced back into human form.”
No one mentioned that it could be due to his lack of control of it, but they didn’t have to, his own frustration was apparent.
“Maybe it’s because he’s second in command? And he’s Ephraim Black’s descendant, maybe he’s not as susceptible to the commands?” Quil theorized with a furrowed brow.
“Guys, who cares? We can figure that shit out later, but first we have to help Sam. Whatever the reason, it means that I can hopefully get close to him and figure out what the fuck happened to make him shut down like this,” Jacob cut in.
They all nodded and walked him towards a path clearly created by Sam in his desperation to get away. There were stamped down bushes, broken branches, and even a felled tree. The pack agreed to give them space but insisted on going after them if he didn’t return within the hour.
Once again, he shifted, finding no trouble in doing so, and went after Sam. The barrage of emotions was easier to ignore now that he was prepared.
Like Jared said, Sam was holed up in a cave, balled up and shaking.
His previous approach hadn’t helped, so this time he tried something else. Standing at the mouth of the cave, Jacob unleashed that same hail of mundane thoughts that settled like static over the storm that was Sam’s mind. There was no change at first, minutes ticked by, but eventually spikes of guilt became more evident and slowly, like a tap slowly being closed, the emotions lessened until he could see something other than the pain.
It was the same scene, played over and over again.
‘Emily, please, just listen to me. Give me a minute to explain, it’s not what it looks like—’ Sam pleaded.
‘So, you didn’t break Leah’s heart and then spit on it by turning your attention to me?’ Emily’s tone didn’t leave room for misinterpretation, she was pissed.
‘It isn’t that simple, if you would only listen to me! I love—loved— Leah! Do you think it makes me happy that this happened? That I wanted to hurt her like this? I still care for her!’ He took a step forward, and she took a step back.
‘Then go back to her and fix this, because it wasn’t just your relationship that you ruined Sam. Leah won’t even talk to me, did you know that? Before all of this, we would talk every day. Our parents used to complain about the phone bill! But you ruined that! So just leave me alone and stop making things worse.’
‘I can’t go back to her, not after this, it wouldn’t be kind to her. There’s no one else for me Emily, not anymore,’ he whispered in half-defeat.
‘Ugh!’ she stomped her foot, ‘What does that even mean Sam? Do you think that she didn’t tell me about the future you two planned together? About getting married when you returned from college? Was that all just for show, what changed? What happened to that Sam? Because he used to be a pretty decent guy.’
‘Everything changed! Nothing is the same. You want to know the truth?’ he let out a humorless laugh, ‘You won’t believe it anyway, but here it is. You’re right, I’m not the Sam you used to know, or the one Leah fell for, I’m something else now. You know our legends, grew up with them. I’m asking that you consider that they’re not legends, but truths. That the magic that lived in our forefather’s blood still runs in our veins and that there are days where I am more wolf than man. And when I saw you that day, something else changed. My whole world changed again, and nothing became more important than you, and your safety and your happiness.’ He was breathing hard as the words tumbled out of him.
She shook her head, first in disbelief, but then in pity, ‘Sam… get help, please. If you really believe this, then get help. For Leah, for your poor mother. For yourself! You can’t really believe that you can turn into a wolf!’
He looked around in desperation, not wanting her to leave believing him to be a delusional, pitiful thing. A butter knife was lying on a plate, presumably from her breakfast, and he grabbed it, fully aware of how she tensed and took another step back. But he turned it on himself and with his inhumanly strength, dragged it from his forearm to his palm.
Emily’s shocked gasp reached him, half a second before she did, her recently acquired nursing instincts taking over. But now it was his turn to take a step back and hold out his arm for her to inspect from a distance as the blood stopped flowing and the skin began to knit itself back together.
‘Wha—how?’ She looked between the bloodied knife and his now healed skin with shock.
‘I told you. They’re not just stories. They’re real life, my life now,’ he whispered with regret and an edge of bitterness. ‘But you can’t tell anyone, I don’t think I was even supposed to tell you, not like this anyhow…’
She continued to gape at him, but then her expression turned thoughtful as she considered the evidence before her. Hope bloomed in his chest. Emily couldn’t deny the truth before her eyes, surely now she would let him explain everything and things could—
‘This doesn’t change anything, Sam. Leah loves you, and you love her. I know you do. Go back to her and fix things. Whatever this is, has nothing to do with you breaking her heart the way you did. I don’t know if you’re just trying to keep her safe, or what, but I won’t let you use me as an excuse. I don’t want you. So, go back to Leah and explain it all to her. I have nothing to do with this and I want nothing to do with you.’ She then squared her shoulders and walked back into her small home, letting the porch door slam behind her with a punctuated finality that he couldn’t help but flinch at.
And then it played out again, and again.
Poor Sam.
Jacob winced internally, within the safety of the static, at the mere thought that this could be a similar outcome to his own feelings too. But then he focused on Sam again and mentally stretched out a hand, urging him to take it, ‘Sam, you can’t stay like this. You’ll waste away. Just talk to me, please.’
To his surprise, Sam’s shaking slowly stopped.
And slowly, like his every muscle protested, Sam uncurled himself and looked up at Jacob with such sadness that he would have understood it, even if they weren’t connected. He looked defeated with his ears pinned to the top of his head and the rest of his body so slack.
‘I don’t know what to do Jake…’ the voice was raspy, as if even his own mind, his own voice was hoarse from screaming, ‘I messed up. In so many ways. I shouldn’t have gone and much less told her. What if she tells someone and they lock me up in a looney bin? What if you all get dragged into this?’ The anguish in his thoughts was real, but something with a lot more hurt lurked under all of those fears, and it came out in a small voice accompanied by a low whine, ‘What if she meant it and I never see her again?’
Jacob’s own ears pinned backed in sympathy.
Because what could he say? What should he say?
After pondering it for a while, he slowly entered the cave and approached Sam, who abruptly tensed, but he did not let this deter him and sent all the comfort and warmth through their mental bond to try to calm him. And he curled around his brother and placed his massive head atop the other’s own. In this form, he might not be able to wrap his arms around the man who had been so patient and understand all these months, but that did not mean he could not provide comfort.
‘Sam… I can’t tell you what’s going to happen now, no one can, especially all of those traitorous thoughts filling your head right now. But Emily is a smart girl, she knows that this is a secret that needs keeping, so I really don’t think she’ll get you put in a hospital or anything. All you can do is give her the space she is clearly asking for. Let her process the craziness of the reality you just dumped at her doorstep. Maybe she comes around, and maybe she doesn’t,’ at this, Sam whined, ‘but that is her choice to make. All that’s left for you to do is to respect it and keep living your life. You can still do your part in keeping her safe by doing your duty, and even if she never realizes that it’s because of you, you’ll know.’
Sam’s ears had relaxed now, and he accepted the comfort that Jacob provided, but still did not seem inclined to get up.
‘We need you, Sam. Your pack needs you. I can give you space if you want it too, but just know the rest of the boys will come in here and risk human limbs to get you out of this state if they need to.’ He injected the statement with humor in hopes of stoking the fire that was missing from his brother now.
Confusion came from Sam now, curiosity too, ‘Human limbs?’
‘Oh, yeah. Well, apparently you gave an order with your Alpha voice or whatever and they haven’t been able to shift since.’
He could feel Sam mentally frown at this news, ‘I didn’t mean that, I mean, I guess I did, but it wasn’t meant to be an order. I just wanted to be left alone—wait, then how are you—?’
‘I guess I’m just that great, that even the Great Alpha Sam’s command does not stop me from doing what I want,’ he replied cheekily.
‘That’s called stubbornness Jake, don’t get it confused. And don’t call me that,’ he rolled his eyes as he said this.
Privately, Jacob smiled, because that sounded more like himself than he had sounded like before. He took that as a sign and stood up, stretching out his back next to Sam, who raised his head and tilted it in question.
‘C’mon man, let’s get out of here. The guys are probably making a dumbass plan to make a fool out of themselves.’ He nudged Sam’s with his muzzle until the other stood up too. ‘I’ll go on ahead and stop them before they burn up their remaining braincells, but I’ll leave my clothes by the mouth of the cave. Don’t keep us waiting, Sam, or I’ll sick Jared’s puppy dog eyes on you.’
He heard Sam huff out a laugh before he trotted out of the cave and made his way back towards the cabin.
The rest of the pack was respectful and once Jacob told them that it situation had been taken care of, they didn’t push for more answers. Though he could tell that they were dying to know more, especially Jared. But just as Sam had been respectful of his boundaries and hadn’t told anyone about his developing feelings for the Cullen patriarch, he would now keep the events of Sam’s conversation with Emily to himself, even if Sam had not asked that of him. Jacob believed that they were all entitled to a little privacy given how difficult it was to achieve given the mental connection they all shared.
And though he was sure that they all had other things they could be doing on a Friday afternoon, they all stayed with Sam, who was still solemn when he returned, though he thanked his brothers profoundly for caring enough to go after him in the first place. He apologized for making it so they couldn’t shift and promptly lifted the ban. Paul was more than happy to test that out and returned after a victory lap around the surrounding woods.
As the sun started its trek to meet the horizon, they lit the firepit and let a large fire roar as they made jokes and told stupid horror stories to pass the time. They emptied the cabin of all the food stock as they made smores, and Embry’s attempted at campfire chili, and a terrible creation that Quil swore by that he named the protein stack. It was a fig bar and wholegrain fruit bars wedged between honey granola bars and dipped in peanut butter. It was horribly dry, and Jacob had made a comment remarking on the similarities in smell and look to dog treats.
This, of course, had them all howling with laughter. It had been fun to let loose after how worried they’d been.
But eventually, Jared reminded them that their discussion about the Cullens had been cut short and they all looked to Sam.
He promptly rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, “I’m not made out of sugar, you know. Yes, we can finish our discussion. Though, I did want to wait until Jacob was present, given that he is our representative and go-between.”
They all turned to look at him and he raised his eyebrows expectantly, “You fuckers act like I was part of the discussion earlier! I wasn’t here, remember that? Anyone want to fill me in on what we’re discussing?”
Embry and Quil hid a chortle behind their fists at his bluntness and Sam looked unimpressed at the three of them.
Jared spoke up, “So, we were talking about the fact that they’ve been really good sports about everything with Embry and Bella and just stuff in general. And maybe it might be good for the pack to meet them?”
That was… unexpected.
“I’d like to clarify that I still think it’s a bad idea,” Paul grumbled with his arms crossed.
There it was. Jacob hid his smile by lowering his head. It would have been too much to ask for all of them to readily agree to something that momentous.
Paul wouldn’t be Paul if he wasn’t difficult about everything, but the fact that he simply thought this was a bad idea and not outright refusing to do it spoke volumes about the willingness to be proven wrong about his preconceptions in person. All of them were ready to see that the Cullens could truly not be the monsters they’d been told to fear as kids.
Quil and Sam both rolled their eyes, but Quil beat Sam to the punch, “You think everything is a bad idea. Unless it involves a lot of food.”
They all shared a laugh and even Paul shrugged and smirked.
“Yeah, I’ll ask the doc if we can work something out for everyone,” Jacob finally said.
He figured that it’d probably be best if he met the rest of the Cullens before said arrangement, if only so he and Sam could strategize on how to lessen the tension that was bound to arise, but he didn’t mention this to the others. Maybe Carlisle would be able to lend a figurative hand and make some suggestions too. A small shiver made its way down his spine that had nothing to do with the evening chill.
⁂
The next day had been another opportunity to have a lie in, but as soon as he remembered that today was the day that Bella was going on her mystery date with Edward, he bolted out of his bed and grabbed his phone and called her.
She picked up on the first ring, “Hey, Jake!”
“Hey Bells, ready for your date with the ice pop?” he joked.
“You’re no help,” she complained, “and stop being a jerk. It doesn’t suit you.”
He laughed, “Alright, I’ll be nice. Has he told you where you’re going yet?”
“Nope. And that’s fine,” she emphasized, though he was sure that she was saying that to keep him from starting anything as much as she was reassuring herself.
“Sure, sure. When are you guys leaving?”
There was a soft gasp on her end, and when she replied her voice was a fast whisper, “Now, he just got here. I gotta go, Jake!”
“Hey, at least throw me a bone and call me when you’re safe at home, please?” He hoped that the humor would be enough to take of the edge of her nervousness.
She giggled conspiratorially and agreed, “Yes, fine. But I gotta go. Bye Jake!”
The line went dead, and he sighed as he let himself fall back on the small bed. No way he’d be able to sleep now; he’d be too worried about his friend and her date.
Not necessarily because her date happened to be a bloodsucker, he could admit on some level that she should be safe if Carlisle hadn’t put a stop to this. He was sure that none of the Cullens would have allowed this to happen if the one with vision powers foresaw a bad future. Ok, well maybe there was a small part of him that worried for Bella’s safety because she was going to an unknown location with a vampire for an undisclosed amount of time, but really, he just worried about the outcome of said date. What if he broke her heart? Or worse, what if things went really well?
What future could they realistically have together?
Sure, maybe a couple of years if things went well. But then something would have to change, and he didn’t want to think about that now. That was Pandora’s Box, and it could stay shut for all he cared.
And while he was able to put that train of thought away, the anxiousness didn’t leave him. So, he did what he did best.
Jacob made a hasty decision.
⁂
Ok, so maybe it was a little obsessive to wait for Bella to get back from her date on her porch. A voice in the back of his head that sounded curiously like Jared remarked that if he were still in wolf form, he’d look like a sad puppy waiting for his master to come home. He rolled his eyes and brushed away the thought away.
His oh-so-genius plan was to check that she’d make it home in one piece and then ask her ice pop boyfriend some questions. The former was a big ask considering it was Bella he was talking about, even if he removed the vampire from the equation. The latter he still wasn’t too sure about.
Jacob could have easily called Carlisle to ask if he thought the rest of his family would be willing to meet, but he figured that by asking Edward he’d be killing two birds with one stone. He’d indulge Bella in getting to know her bloodsucker boyfriend, and gauge how open the rest of the family would be to meeting not only him but the rest of the pack too. And given his gift, the mindreading vamp would have insights that Carlisle might not have. Besides... he wasn't sure he was ready to speak with Carlisle just yet. His heart still hammered out of rhythm if his thoughts drifted close to the events in the shower the day before. He was taking advantage of the time to systematically hide his thoughts away into little pockets in his mind, so his body would stop reacting in ways that might give him away to Carlisle, like his traitorous heart, or quicker breaths. But more importantly, this would keep his thoughts safe from Edward and his privacy-invading powers.
For now, he stuffed his hands into his jacket pocket. The same green rain jacket he’d worn when he first met him.
He was, of course, warm enough without it, but he'd impulsively dug it out again, and it still held the faint scent of Carlisle's scarf and made him feel safe. He curiously wondered if the vampire patriarch ever wondered what became of that beautiful scarf, or if the Cullen's opulence was so vast that he didn't even notice its absence. Until recently, it had been hidden in the jacket’s pocket, but he’d removed it and stuffed it under his pillow when he’d decided to come to Bella’s house.
He let himself pretend that Carlisle did notice its absence and that he knew that Jacob had it and couldn't bring himself to throw it away, even in the peak of his anger, and if his disdain, he couldn't dispose of any physical reminder of him, of what Carlisle did to him.
Jacob chided himself for letting his thoughts run free without any restraint. There was no telling when Bella would return with her mind-reading vamp in tow, and here was imagining how great it would be if he—Jacob made the conscious effort not to think his name anymore—knew how absolutely besotted he was. The more he thought about it the more he realized how far gone he really was.
Here he was, waiting for his best friend to come home safe, and instead of worrying about her, he was thinking about his imprintee, his mate, and how he could spend hours, or days (or eternity, his mind whispered imploringly) just talking with them and getting to know more of the life of the extraordinary mate that the world had gifted him with. He, of course, was not going to think about the fact his mate didn't know that he was completely infatuated with them or that there was little hope that anything could ever come of his captivation with them, because that would just bring him down or down right piss him off that the universe has such a messed-up sense of humor. It wouldn’t do to remind himself that he had a duty to do and that it came before any dalliance he could ever hope to have.
No, instead, he would focus on doing everything in his power to stay in his mate's good graces and share as much time with them as his tumultuous, and absurd life allowed him to.
The approaching sounds of an engine, loud and angry and familiar, let him know that Bella was returning home. Hopefully with her boyfriend in tow—ugh, Jacob couldn't believe he was actually excited to talk to the leech, what was happening to him?
As they parked, he could see that Edward was laughing while Bella looked at him confused and expectantly, but he just shook his head and nodded in his direction.
Still puzzled, she followed his gaze and lit up when she saw him, fumbling with the door to greet him. And then she proceeded to immediately trip on her own foot as she descended the truck and fell to the pavement, ungraceful as ever. Jacob couldn't help but laugh as he hurried over to her. Edward was already picking her up, looking at her as if she were some dainty and waifish thing, and she looked back at him with owlish eyes, seemingly more alarmed about his reaction to her fall, than the fall itself. How absurdly Bella that was.
"I don't know what's so funny Jake," she mumbled in an annoyed tone, as a way of greeting.
"Oh, c'mon Bells, you have to have a funny bone somewhere, or wait, did you break that too?" he joked. Even Edward seemed to find it amusing, the corners of his lips lifting almost imperceptibly.
Bella only rolled her eyes and pulled away from Edward's grasp to hug Jacob. He could smell the cloying, burning smell of her boyfriend and do his best to ignore it and not pull a face, though he wasn't too sure how successful he was when he caught Edward looking at him with a raised brow.
"I think it's better than smelling like a wet dog, but what do I know," he smirked at him.
Jacob couldn't tell immediately if that was just a tease or if he was being insulted, but he rolled with the conversation and shot back with a smirk, "Oh, yeah, a freezing, overripe, fermented smell is surely better than a dog. Hey, bat-brain, at least I'm cuddly,can't imagine someone wanting to cuddle up next to your mausoleum-ass."
Edward's eyes crinkled with a full smile as he extended his hand out for Jacob to shake, "Nice to meet you, Jacob Black. I can see why Bella is so fond of you."
Being who he was, he looked at the outstretched palm, up to his face and then back down before chuckling and taking it, "Well, I have no fucking clue what she sees in you, but I guess you're alright—for a bloodsucker anyway. Edward, was it?"
Bella pushed through between them with another pointed eyeroll and went to enter the house murmuring under her breath, “Boys.”
He and Edward—he was trying to be nice here after all— shared an amused look and followed after her. Before making it in the house, Jacob placed his hand on the other’s chest and stopped him saying in a low voice, “I’m sure this is obvious, but just in case you need a reminder, if you break her heart, I’ll rain hell against you, supernatural freak to another.”
The edge of his lips quirked up, “I have no intentions of doing that, but you have my full permission to do just that if I’m ever stupid enough to do so. I just want what’s best for her.”
Jacob narrowed his eyes for a second, taking in Edward’s relaxed posture and the way his eyes trailed after Bella in such a careful and loving way, and then nodded and continued entering the house. Bella was awkwardly leaning against the kitchen counter, “Are you two done with your macho-man bullshit now?’
He didn’t have to turn to know that Edward would be smiling widely, just as he was, so instead he stuck his tongue out at her, which she reciprocated before asking, “You want something to eat or drink, Jake? Or were you just being a nosey busybody?”
“Yes please! I’m starving, I didn’t think you’d be gone so long, I should have brought some snacks, geez,” he teased as he made his way to the table and sat on one of the chairs without much preamble.
She giggled and started pulling out the ingredients for a sandwich. As she started to assemble them, he turned to Edward hoping to catch him off guard to ask his questions.
“So, mind-reader, since I have you here, there’s some questions I’d like to ask you, about the arrangement between your family and the pack.” He didn’t make his statement a question, didn’t give him the option to decline, but was respectful enough to wait for him to respond.
“I’m sure Carlisle could answer them better, but sure, what would you like to know?” Edward sat across from him, his body angled towards Bella, but he remained facing him. Perhaps that was a subtle reminder to be mindful of Bella’s presence. A small, wordless nod from Edward told him he was right.
He mulled the words over in his mind, before crossing his arms and saying, “I don’t doubt that he could answer my questions, you’re just better suited, I think. It’s about the rest of your family and whether you think they’d agree to meeting me and eventually the rest of the pack. I trust Carlisle, but something tells me that he’s a little biased about where everyone else in your family stands on being friendly with wolves.”
The unusually loud scrape of a knife against toast had them both turn to face Bella, who was clearly pretending to be wholly invested in her sandwich making and not quietly eavesdropping instead. But it didn’t seem to bother Edward who looked back to face him with a tilted head, “Well, I think that some of my siblings won’t like the idea of being friendly with anyone, really, much less wolves. But they feel that way due to not trusting easily, not out of any true malice.” He smiled wickedly, eyes crinkling, “In fact, I think some forced proximity might do them some good. Rosalie and Jasper, especially.”
He turned to look at Bella for a second and then back to Jacob, as if considering something.
“Bella, are you doing anything else today?” Edward asked her, mirth clear in his eyes.
For someone who was half-eavesdropping, she seemed actually surprised and half jumped, knocking the butterknife on the ground and immediately reddening. “Uh, not really? Why?” she answered after picking up the knife and dropping it in the sink. She made her way to the table and handed Jacob three ham and cheese sandwiches. While she was still looking at Edward with wide eyes, Jacob gave her one of three sandwiches. She took it without looking and took a small bite, waiting for Edward to answer. Silently, Jacob was glad that she took it and started eating it. Bella seemed so small and frail.
Edward glanced at him for a moment and the returned to look at Bella and he framed his question carefully, “Well, what would you say to meeting my family?”
She swallowed the small bite audibly.
“Are you afraid now?” He almost sounded hopeful.
“Yes?” The fear was evident in her eyes.
“Wait. I thought you liked the bloodsuckers, Bella. Why the fear all of a sudden?” Jacob asked, confused. Mostly because so far, Bella had been extremely accepting of the supernatural creatures in her life. A normal human would have been afraid from the get-go. And she had spent hours with her bat-boyfriend without any issue! He wondered what the real issue was. Maybe it was the idea of being alone in a house full of them? Even that sent a shiver up his spine. Maybe there was hope for her being some semblance of normal yet.
“I’m not afraid of them,” she stated to explain, “it’s just… what if they don’t like me? I mean, do they even know about me? That I know about, you know, them?”
And any hope that he had evaporated into the air. Really. If he really focused, Jacob could almost see little wisps of steam disappearing into nothing.
Whether it was Jacob’s internal monologue, the ludicrous train of thought that Bella was entertaining, or a mix of both, Edward laughed, throwing his head back and shaking with it. “Oh yes, they know. We don’t keep secrets in the family. It’s not really feasible, what with my mind reading and Alice seeing the future and all that. And if you’re really worried about that, although I can’t fathom why, we could always bring along a stray dog and hope they focus on him instead.”
Jacob looked at Edward in mild amusement, “Well, I didn’t have any plans either. Thanks for asking. And for throwing me to the wol—wait, that doesn’t work… hmm well you get the point. Sure, why not?”
“Are you sure it won’t cause any issues? I don’t want to upset your family, if me being there will make anyone uncomfortable…” Bella added as she picked at the crust on her sandwich.
“It’ll be fine. I promise,” Edward said, grabbing her free hand and running his thumb gently over her knuckles. “I’ll protect you from the mean vampires.”
“Uh, I think given the circumstances, that’s my line,” Jacob joked before taking a massive bite of the sandwich and winking at Bella, who rolled her eyes but was clearly trying not to smile.
“Behave, Jake. Edward is being nice here,” she pleaded.
The stupid vampire just smirked but continued to look at her. “What are you talking about Bells? I’m always nice! Eddy and me, we’re already like best pals, can’t you tell?” He made sure to inject just the right amount of sarcasm to keep it light.
She gave him a deadpanned look and he dissolved into laughter.
“So, it’s settled. You two finish your food and we’ll head out.” Edward stated matter-of-factly. As he stood up, he raised Bella's hand and raised her knuckles to his lips—almost, but not quite grazing them with a kiss. Jacob looked away, not wanting to intrude in their private moment. "I'll go fill up the truck in the meanwhile, make sure you're good on gas." He lifted his gaze away from her and landed on him and suddenly the softness in his eyes morphed into a mischievous one, "I'll see if they have any kennels, so you can travel comfortably in the truck, Jacob."
Bella glared at him, and her expression was enough to make both he and Edward laugh. She'd learn to appreciate their humor one day.
"Don't you worry, I only shed in shiny, new, expensive cars. Now, go away, I'm losing my appetite the longer you're here." Jacob snapped back with a grin.
Once the rumble of the engine was inaudible, he let himself worry privately. Because his loss of appetite had little to do with the scalding, sweet scent and everything to do with the fact that he'd see him again since his realization. And the thought of having to hide it from him, and everyone else present, was absolutely terrifying.
Notes:
Two chapters in one month?! Whaaaaaaat?
And to everyone who guessed the cliffhanger was Sam mauling poor Emily... so close! But not quite, I hope this was still a good resolution to the cliffhanger though!
And next month... the Cullen home...
AHHHH!
So excited for you all to read it!
As always, thank you everyone for the support ♥️
Chapter 21: Sunshine
Notes:
NO ONE PANIC! WE'VE OFFICALLY GONE OVER THE 100K WORK MARK!
Thank you again to everyone for supporting this fic! I never thought we'd actually get here 🥹
Another hefty chapter today!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Carlisle
He’d be the first to admit that he’d been avoiding his family when he returned from his night shift at the hospital earlier in the week. Well, not all his family, but Edward and Jasper specifically. Given that only Esme was at home while the rest of his children were at school, it had been safe to return home after his shift. Carlisle hadn’t been ready—he still wasn’t— for his family to know his that his feelings towards Jacob had evolved into something more, and while he trusted both of his sons to be discreet and not tell anyone else in the family, he wasn’t ready for them to know these feelings either.
Mostly because he wasn’t quite sure what his feelings were either. He…cared for the young man. More than he should after knowing him for so little, and definitely more than he should, given Jacob’s age. Even if he took into account his human age, he was two decades older than him! It was almost enough to feel like a perverted old man, especially if he considered the fact that he had been on this earth for over three hundred and fifty years!
Almost…
What stayed his self-imposed judgement and reproof was that he knew that these feelings weren’t based on sexual attraction. He could acknowledge that Jacob was a fit, and good-looking young man, but it wasn’t those things that drew Carlisle in, no, it was the sun-like demeanor that he brought with him. His caustic humor, and deep devotion to his pack and his friends. It was all of this and something more that he couldn’t quite put into words. Something that just felt right.
It had been more difficult to find a natural excuse to avoid being home when they returned. Eventually, he’d decided to tell Esme that he needed to hunt again, and stretched the truth, telling her that due to the little wolf he’d found, he hadn’t fed enough. And while it wasn’t an outright lie, he knew that he could wait until their next planned feeding without discomfort. But Esme just smiled and nodded before returning to running to the blueprint for the next planned building for the Platt-Hale Safe Haven Foundation.
He considered his next move, where he would go to contemplate these feelings of his, but before he could decide on a destination, his feet were already leading him away from the house. It wasn’t until he was well on his way that he realized he was heading to the grassy field where he and Jacob had met before. An invisible force tugged at the corner of his lips, drawing out a small smile.
Yes.
Where else would he come to a better conclusion than there.
He arrived without much fanfare and realized that even with the sun breaking through the cloudbank, the field was not as bright as he recalled. Without Jacob there, without his own personal brand of sun-like brightness, perhaps the world was just a shade bleaker than before.
Carlisle stopped at the boulder that Jacob had rested on and considered that it wasn’t just the field that wasn’t as bright, but everything. Yet, the world hadn’t changed. His immortal eyes still saw the world with greater clarity than any human could hope to. The change had been within him. Sometime between their first meeting and their last one, something had shifted, an invisible change that left the world seemingly muted and dull without Jacob’s presence. And despite the fact that his smooth, marble-like skin could not produce heat on its own, the mere thought of the young man’s name was enough for a flutter of warmth to spread inside his chest.
He closed his eyes and lost himself in the feeling and sounds that he’d learned to filter out over the course of centuries flooded into his senses… the sounds of pheasants and swifts cooing and flapping their wings, the leaves rustling against each other in the breeze, soft snorting of deer in the distance, and even farther still, the sounds of trickling streams meeting larger bodies of water. It was almost overwhelming, as much as it was when he was first turned.
That’s what Jacob made him feel, he realized… everything.
That’s what Jacob was to him now, everything.
He supposed that it would have been a shocking revelation, and if he wasn’t so overwhelmed, embroiled, and entangled by his feelings for him, it might have been. But just now, being seized and ensnared by the virtuousness of those feelings, their strength… there was no denying how true and right they were. They were undeniable now.
There was a small voice in the back of his mind that told him that he was unworthy of such a connection with him, and maybe that was true, because really, what life could he offer Jacob if he, miraculously, ever felt the same? A forever ambulatory life? And there was the question that he hesitated to even think of. What would a life together ever mean? Despite Jacob’s supernatural abilities, his forefathers did not seem to be around— that old pack with which the Treaty was first made— which meant that Jacob would grow old like any human would, and one day Carlisle would find himself wandering this world without Jacob.
The thought alone was enough to make his frozen heart tremble and recoil in pain.
He didn’t know how Edward could withstand the thought of ever outliving Bella, not that he thought that Alice’s vision of an immortal Bella was the answer either. But by accepting these feelings… he finally understood some of the pain that his son had been grappling with.
A broken, choked chuckle escaped his lips as he realized how self-absorbed his train of thought had been. To think, that even by a miracle, that Jacob would ever return these feelings! What foolishness. He scarcely started to think of him as something other than an enemy; it was wishful thinking that Jacob would ever look at him and see a future together.
And yet… even the years they planned to spend here in Forks would be enough. As much as it would ache to walk away from this, he would do it. Perhaps he would think of some excuse to visit from time to time, to stay the ache and pain. If friendship is all he could have, then he would hold on to it as long as he could, like a repentant sinner grasping at faith.
Yes.
Merely standing with him, talking with him, basking in his presence, it was enough, it would have to be enough. If that’s all he could have then that would be enough. It had to be. He would not impose any more than could be helped.
And so, with this awareness, he gathered up these feelings, this suddenly growing love, and tucked them away in a secret part of his heart where only he could feel its warmth. He detached it from the forefront of his mind and hid it away where it would be safe from his sons’ gifts, but more importantly, where it would be safe from harm. As long as he kept it hidden, he could pretend that his whole existence hadn’t been flipped on itself and continue to pretend that allyship and friendship were the only things on his mind.
He opened his eyes again, and the world looked dim again, and he let himself believe it was due to the looming twilight and not because his own resplendent sun was missing and that he wouldn’t be counting the days, the hours even, when his light would shine upon him again.
⁂
The following days had certainly been trying, finding for the first time in his existence that he had to shelter and actively shield his thoughts and feelings from his family. What's worse, he had to actively ignore his traitorous mind and heart as they desired to see Jacob again. Carlisle wanted nothing more than to see his face again or speak to him about anything at all. He was glad for the distraction that today brought with it. It was easier to ignore that building desire with all the commotion his family was making about Edward’s date with Bella.
They were all waiting impatiently— though they were all pretending to be busy with other mindless tasks—for Alice to have a vision of what would happen next. He knew that they’d taken bets on what would happen, much to his and Edward’s chagrin. But Alice didn’t seem worried, and Carlisle knew his son was strong enough to avoid any horrible outcome, even if was unsure.
Once Alice chirpily announced that they had made it past the tangle in her vision and that Bella was alright everyone seemed to relax. Even Rosalie wasn’t as tense as she’s been all day. She finally returned to the main house and offered to help Esme and Alice plan for their next sunny day, most likely shopping or some extravagant outing outside of the rare sunny day in Forks.
But they all heard Alice gasp in surprise as a vision overtook her. Jasper was the first at her side, protective and immediately worried. Esme was grasping her elbow softly, supporting her all the while looking concerned for what future she’d seen. Emmett was tense at the door, ready for a fight, as always. Rosalie looked partly smug, though still worried. He realized that Rosalie thought this was about Bella, and for an embarrassingly long moment, he worried that Edward had not been strong enough.
Embarrassing, because Alice returned from her reverie and said, “Edward invited Bella and Jacob Black to the house. They said yes.”
Silence.
Another beat of absolute stillness.
Then chaos.
“What the hell is that moron thinking?” Rosalie seethed.
“Are you sure, Alice? I thought you couldn’t see the pack?” Jasper asked her softly and directly.
“Oh! We have nothing prepared! I should run to get something for them to eat, what will they think if we don’t have anything to offer them?” Wondered Esme to no one in particular.
“Ed’s human girlfriend and a werewolf? Wicked!” Emmett exclaimed, pumping an arm into the air. Rosalie turned to glare at Emmett, her blonde hair fanning out as she whipped around and then promptly smacked him none too softly, much to his confusion and amusement.
But then they all turned to Carlisle expectantly.
Truth be told, his mind was reeling with joy and anxiety at the idea that Jacob would be coming to his home to process the implications of any of it. It took him another breath to gather his thoughts and step back into the role that his children expected from him as a leader.
“Jasper brings up a good point, Alice. How can you be sure that Jacob is coming as well?” he asked, trying to sound unbothered.
She sighed, “Well, originally, I could see him planning to ask Bella to come over tomorrow, but then something changed when he dropped her off. I’m guessing Jacob was there, because I can’t see him asking them to come, so I don’t know what prompted it, but I do see Edward calling in a couple of minutes to let you know, Carlisle. It seems like he’s the one who offered them to come over.”
Then her eyes brightened, “That means I finally get to meet Bella! Oh, I can actually talk to her and not just miss her!”
He smiled at her excitement but then scanned the room. Rosalie was still tense, clearly not happy with the news. “Rose?”
She crossed her arms, “This isn’t fair Carlisle! Why does Edward,” she growled out his name, “get to disrupt our lives over a little human girl? Didn’t he think about how that might affect us? Not to mention the mongrel! This is our home!”
Annoyance filled him for a moment at hearing her call Jacob a mongrel, but he took a calming breath and considered her position for a moment. He knew that Rosalie didn’t trust easily; it took her decades to trust even the Denali’s, so someone like Jacob who was not only a stranger, but also a powerful one who had the ability to bring harm to them would surely make her wary and upset. Not to mention that due to her inherent hatred for the bloodlust nature forced on her, he understood why having Bella, who seemed so understanding and accepting would grate on her sensibilities. But maybe this was an opportunity for her to learn to trust and to not assume that her experience and way of thinking was the only valid one.
“Rosalie, I would never force you to do something against your wishes, but I will ask you to stay for their visit. I agree that Edward should have been more thoughtful about this, but we can’t change that. But I do hope you will stay; I’d like all of you to meet Jacob, to see the young man who I’ve been speaking with so you will believe for yourselves that the pack want peace with us. And who knows? Bella might surprise you too. Aren’t you always complaining about people judging you based on looks alone?”
She only glared at him silently, arms still crossed, but the fact that she hadn’t left yet was a good sign. “Don’t expect me to get dog treats for him, or to fawn at the girl dumb enough to fall in love with a monster.”
They all knew this was the best they would get with her, so he smiled and said, “If you play nice, you can be team captain at the next game.”
She rolled her eyes, but the corner of her lips lifted up.
He turned to the rest of them and looked at them expectantly, “That goes for all of you; behave, please.”
Emmett smiled like a shark all while trying his best impression of innocence as he stepped out of the room.
Esme came to his side as they all began to disperse, “Do you know what Jacob might like? I should have enough time to grab something quickly.”
Carlisle chuckled, “I’m sure anything will be fine. I get the feeling that he’s not too picky when it comes to food. I don’t know about Bella though. But don’t feel like you have to go out of your way. They both understand what our diet is like, I’m sure neither of them will mind if we don’t have food on hand.”
Affronted, she smacked his arm, “Don’t be ridiculous, we finally get to meet the young lady who’s captured Edward’s heart, and we have nothing to offer her? As if I’d ever be such a terrible host! I’ll be back as soon as I can.” She threw another incredulous look at him that seemed to say, ‘men!’ and then sped away to the garage. The car was out of earshot before he made it to his office to think.
Jacob was coming to his home. This would be the first time they’d meet in non-neutral territory. He wondered how the conversation came about. Had Jacob asked to come? If so, why not just contact him directly? Carlisle wouldn’t have denied him. Perhaps Edward had offered instead? Alice did mention that it was Edward’s idea. Was Jacob nervous about going to meet a house full of vampires? He couldn’t fault him if he was, his instincts would be on overdrive surely. But still he’d agreed to come. That meant something. Maybe not what Carlisle’s heart yearned for it to mean, but something. At the very least, he was incredibly determined.
His train of thought was cut off when his phone rang.
He answered on the first ring.
“Carlisle, I assume Alice let you know?”
“Yes,” he murmured back, “pissed your sister off too. You owe Rosalie big time.”
He heard Rosalie harumph from the floor above and smiled.
“I’m sorry for any distress. I didn’t plan this, it just kind of happened. I know what you mean about Jacob now. He’s incredibly amusing. I’d thought perhaps I’d have to worry about him having feelings for Bella, but that doesn’t seem to be the case… anyhow, he was curious what I thought of the rest of the family’s thoughts about him and the pack, and I thought what better way for him to find out then by firsthand experience? I think you’re right about the likelihood of peace existing between us now. It makes me less worried about him knowing that Bella is romantically involved with me.” Edward seemed to be rambling.
“How so?” he wondered.
“He hasn’t mentioned my date with Bella to the pack, I’m sure of it. She told him, and I expected them to follow us or something, but nothing! He was waiting at her house, but it wasn’t out of duty, just genuine concern for Bella’s well-being. I still haven’t decided if it was foolish of him or merely trusting of Bella’s judgement, but regardless, his character is… unexpected,” he chuckled uneasily into the receiver.
“I completely agree that he is quite unexpected. I’m glad you’ve had the opportunity to dispel your judgements for yourself. I’m sure he and Bella will win over the rest of your siblings with time too.” They both knew he meant Rosalie and Jasper, the most distrusting and cautious of them, and he hoped that they were listening and were open to actually giving both of them a chance. “What time can we expect you?”
Edward laughed at what seemed a private joke, “With this geriatric truck? Probably an hour or so. It can’t even go past fifty Carlisle!”
Internally, Carlisle grimaced. He might not speed everywhere he went, but having the option to was certainly appreciated. “We’ll see you then, son. And Edward?” he paused making sure that his son was listening with rapt attention, “I’m proud of you. One day you’ll believe me when I tell you to believe in yourself and your control.”
The other line was quiet for a moment, before Edward answered.
“Thank you, Carlisle. One day, maybe. Will you keep reminding me until that day?” He sounded so young then.
“Of course, son. Every day.” And he meant it.
“We’ll see you all soon then. Tell Esme not to worry about her hosting nonsense, please,” he said before he ended the call.
Carlisle smiled as he sent a text back, ‘Too late.’
The next hour was an exercise in control. With no real way nor reason to keep away from Jasper, or Edward once he arrived, he had to control the rising excitement of seeing Jacob again. He told himself that the only reason he was hiding these feelings in the first place was because nothing could come of them. Why concern his sons with something that could never be? But a more honest voice in his mind told him that he just wasn’t ready for the judgement or the pity that he might find in their eyes. Anytime his thoughts wandered, he would lock them up again in their designated box. It was almost painful to do so, though, because every fiber of his being demanded that he celebrate these feelings! But he was not known for being brash or impulsive, and he would not approach this situation on a whim.
Perhaps after some years of friendship, something more might blossom, but he would remain respectful and observant of Jacob’s reactions to him. Carlisle did not want to become an uninvited burdensome presence in his life any more than he already was. He would simply adopt whatever position was allowed by Jacob, no more and no less than that.
He heard the loud engine of Bella’s truck long before he could see it; even an average human would have! And he was suddenly grateful that his heart no longer beat, because otherwise, it would surely be hammering unto his ribs so deftly that everyone could see the bruises on his skin.
They hadn’t discussed how they would greet their guests, but it seemed that there was no need. The rest of his family was already on the main level of the house. Alice was helping Esme with the finishing touches on the meal she’d prepared—it seemed to be a caprese platter, a pomodoro pasta, and chicken piccata if he wasn’t mistaken—while Jasper stood near Alice, trying his best to seem relaxed, though his posture betrayed him. Whether his nervousness was brought on by his own hesitation of being near Bella with no other humans around, or a protectiveness brought on by his latent distrust for Jacob as a shapeshifter was unclear. Rosalie and Emmett were just on the other side of the kitchen in the living room, seemingly engrossed in the rerun of the Australian Formula One Grand Prix. He knew better though. Rosalie was wound up tight, almost unmoving, and Emmett was drawing small circles on the inside of her wrist with his thumb.
They were in such perfect sync that without words, they offered the other what they needed. To Emmett, Rosalie provided her presence, knowing that he was immensely curious about the human and shapeshifter that would walk through the door momentarily, and she knew that he would prefer her to be at his side. In turn, Emmett provided comfort and an anchor for Rosalie, because surely, she wanted to bolt and be far from any perceived confrontation that she had built in her head, and he did this by grounding her and reminding her that he would be there to make it all better, if only by being at her side.
Jasper’s gift covered them all like a thin sheath of relaxation; it was simply a comfort more than anything else. Like a reminder and encouragement all the same.
And just like that, his time to prepare was over, because the crunching gravel of steps leading to the door stopped, and the door swung open to admit Edward, followed in hand by a shy and sheepish Bella, and finally by a cautious and watchful Jacob, his hands in his faded and worn jacket pockets.
And then all at once life returned to the world.
The dull haze that had shrouded everything in his absence lifted, and the vibrant hues of the forest visible through the windows burst forth, like a masterpiece unveiled. The trees, once mere silhouettes, now stood tall and green, their leaves rustling with a soft, emerald music. The gentle voice of the nearby river, once a muted whisper, now swelled to a soothing melody, its crystal waters glinting like a thousand tiny diamonds in the sunlight. Even the sky seemed to brighten, as if the sun itself had been waiting for Jacob's return to shine with its full, unbridled warmth. As Carlisle's eyes met Jacob's, the world, once a dull and faded canvas, was repainted in vivid, living colors, and the very air seemed to vibrate with the promise of new beginnings.
He banished the thoughts into the box once more and made sure that his mental shields were in place, he smiled his most welcoming smile at them. Esme made her way to his side, caprese platter in hand with an equally warm smile in place and beat him to the greeting, “Welcome to our home, Bella, Jacob, we’re so glad to finally meet you.”
Bella looked at Edward for a hesitant second, but returned their smile and said, “Dr. Cullen, it’s nice to see you again. And you must be Esme, it’s wonderful to meet you.” She raised her hand up tentatively, but brought it down just as quickly as she spied the tray in Esme’s hands, blushing bright red.
Edward smiled at her reaction, and even Jacob cracked a smile, but Esme switched the tray gracefully to balance on one hand as she reached her now free hand to catch Bella’s handshake. “It’s wonderful to finally meet you too, Bella, truly.” And as any gracious host would, she wasted no time in trying to catch Jacob’s eyes and greet him. “And Jacob, it’s so pleasing to finally meet you too. It seems Edward and Carlisle were all too content to keep you all to themselves!” She smiled at him but didn’t raise her hand up to shake his, and Carlisle could tell that she wanted him to make the decision to shake her hand or not.
Jacob stared blankly, almost stunned for a moment. He then looked to Carlisle and then back to Esme before setting his lips in a tight smile and taking a step to shake her hand. He glanced back at Carlisle for a split moment, before clearing his throat and saying, “Thank you for welcoming me into your home, I guess. Sorry we didn’t bring anything,” he looked at the food curiously before he cracked a smile, “but can you imagine the mess we’d make if we dragged a herd of deer this way?”
Bella immediately reddened again and stared daggers at him, but the rest of them either smiled at the joke or chuckled at the poor attempt at humor. The only one roaring with laughter was Emmett in the other room. “We appreciate the thoughtfulness nonetheless,” Carlisle returned Jacob’s grin, more used to his dry humor than the others. “And Bella, please, Carlisle is fine.”
She grinned back, “Carlisle, then.”
“Well, come in! Can I take your jackets?” Esme offered hand already extended to take them.
Jacob looked like he was going to refuse, but Edward was already helping Bella out of hers, and he rolled his eyes good naturedly and started to shrug off his own. Carlisle stepped in to take his jacket without much thought. “Er, thanks Doc.”
He nodded and extended his other hand to take Bella’s jacket from Esme.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d eaten yet, so I whipped up something simple, are you hungry?” Esme continued after smiling a thank you at Carlisle.
The three of them followed Esme towards the kitchen as she asked, and he heard as Jacob muttered under his breath, “This is simple?”
Carlisle put their jackets in the entry hall closet. And he closed his eyes and did his best to ignore the exquisitely intense scent of home that trailed from Jacob, and he most certainly did not close his eyes to commit it to memory as the lingering scent from the jacket filled his senses.
He followed them to the kitchen and witnessed as Bella was surprised by Alice’s sudden embrace. “Hi Bella!” she kissed her cheek, completely dismissing Esme’s warning glare. But to everyone’s surprise Bella did not seem offended or scared but returned the hug lightly.
“Hi, Alice, Jasper,” she nodded shyly in greeting to them both as they came apart and she noticed Jasper standing eerily still.
He nodded back, “Hello, Bella.” He turned to face Jacob, who was still by the door only a foot away from Carlisle, clearly not sure where to stand or what to do and offered his hand much as he had in the clearing, “It’s good to see you again Jacob.”
“Uh, you too,” Jacob replied as he shook his hand tersely.
Alice seemed to suddenly remember that Jacob was there too and bounced over to him, hand extended. “I’m Alice, and I’d hug you too, but I didn’t expect the smell to be so strong, sorry.”
Carlisle tensed, unsure if Jacob would be able to tell that she meant no offense.
But he shook her hand and just shot back, “Don’t worry, you all don’t smell like a bunch of petunias either, I don’t mind.”
She smiled widely and shifted to look behind Jacob at Carlisle, “I like him! Well, other than not being able to see anything clearly just now, but that’s fine. I always liked a challenge!”
Emmett and Rosalie joined them in the kitchen, Emmett declaring loudly, “I mean that alone is a great reason for keeping you close man, you won’t believe what a cheater she is at everything!” He nudged Alice playfully and she stuck her tongue out back at him. “I’m Emmett, by the way. Jacob, right?”
“Yeah, nice to hear that I’m useful for something,” Jacob replied without missing a beat.
Emmett turned to face Bella, “And you, little lady, you are one brave human, you know that? It’s badass that you’re just standing here like your boyfriend’s family aren’t all vamps, mad props!” He held his hand up for a high five, which she awkwardly met with a wry smile.
“Dude…” Edward groaned from her side, pulling a face full of second-hand embarrassment.
“It’s nice to see you too Emmett…” she said.
Emmett grinned and winked at her before turning to face Jacob again, “I’ve been dying to ask dude, Carlisle told us that you’re pretty strong in your human form, right? You want to have an arm-wrestling match?” His eyes were bright with excitement.
Carlisle stepped in palms up with a chuckle, “Perhaps we could let our guests take a breath before we continue whatever this is. I’m sure they’d like to settle in and maybe eat something before continuing to be accosted by us.”
Edward shot him a thankful glance.
“Aw, poop, fine. But, dude, just think about it! Come find me if you’re down to see who’s stronger, vamp or wolf,” Emmett said as Rosalie started dragging him away, glad that this all stopped before she had to forcibly introduce herself. Alice pouted but let herself be led away by Jasper.
It was just their two guests, Edward, Esme and he now, and he knew that he should probably give them space too but instead he crossed the kitchen and reached for their unused cupboards and pulled out plates—he knew that Esme and Alice had washed them, and hand dried them all prior to their arrival— and helped Esme with serving their guests.
Bella looked like she wanted to say something, but Edward stopped her, “A ham and cheese sandwich is not an acceptable lunch, please, just eat a little, for me?”
She bit her lip but then nodded, “It does smell amazing, but you really didn’t have to go through any trouble.”
“Oh, it’s no trouble at all. I used to love cooking, and I don’t get the opportunity to that much now, I love the excuse,” Esme said easily, “perhaps you’ll give me an excuse to do so more often. I hope you two like Italian, I made some pomodoro and some lemon chicken.”
“Well, I’m not going to say no to free food,” Jacob declared from the other side of the kitchen, finally stepping in and taking a seat at one of the counter stools. “This all smells amazing—uh,” he hesitated like he wasn’t sure how to address Esme.
“Esme is fine, dear,” she replied as she plated some caprese onto small plates and placed them in front of them.
“Uh, right, um, Esme. It smells great,” he finished lamely. He looked down at the plate, which she of course plated beautifully and delicately, and he seemed at a loss on where to start.
He took his cue from Bella, who started to stab the tomato slices and stacking it with the basil and mozzarella and began to eat, the food disappearing faster off his plate than hers.
Just as Carlisle was going to make his silent exit, Esme called out to him, “Carlisle, I have a phone call I have to take soon, would you mind staying and making sure they’re taken care of?”
He nodded with a smile, “I wouldn’t mind at all, you go take care of what you need to.”
She excused herself with a smile and Bella called out, “Thank you for the food! It tastes amazing!”
Jacob laughed, covering his mouth.
Bella looked back confused, “What amusing thing did I say this time, Jake?”
“Nothing! I just didn’t take you for the kiss-up type,” he laughed again bracing himself for the playful smack that was awaiting him, and sure enough she batted his arm lightly.
“It’s called being nice, Jake. I know it might seem like a foreign concept to you, but some of us actually learned manners when they were taught to us,” she accused him.
“Hey! I was nice. Even Edward can’t say I wasn’t, right?” without waiting for a reply he turned to face Carlisle, “Actually fuck that, Doc, you’re like, the politest person I know. Was I not nice? I said it smelled amazing, and I finished my plate before her!”
A small smile spread on Carlisle’s face before he replied, “You were very polite, Jacob, yes.”
“See? He said I was polite, so eat that Bells,” he smiled triumphantly.
“I don’t think that was very nice, do you Carlisle?” Edward said, coming to Bella’s defense.
“Oh, no, I’m going to stay out of this, now,” he raised his hands up in innocence, his expression playful. “Can I get you the next plate, Jacob?”
“Yeah, please. I’m starving. I totally skipped breakfast this morning.”
So, he carefully served him a large helping of pasta and two servings of chicken, trying to place them in a flattering way. Jacob smiled in thanks before starting on the plate. Carlisle took in how ravenously he seemed to eat the food, and considered for a moment taking up cooking, so he could be the one to bring Jacob the level of joy that food seemed to bring him.
Soon enough though, they’d both finished eating, and though he’d objected, Bella washed their dishes while Jacob dried them. Now, done with their meal, they both stared aimlessly, not sure what to do next.
‘I’ll give you some time with Bella, if you’d like. Maybe you can play something for her? I saw her eyeing the piano when you first came in,’ he thought to Edward, who almost imperceptibly nodded with the barest hint of a smile. “Jacob, would you like to see the rest of the house?”
Jacob looked at him puzzled but then looked back at Bella and Edward who were lost in each other’s gaze, and he rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically, “Sure, Doc, lead the way.”
They exited the dining room and entered the living room, Jacob stopped with a small gasp. Carlisle turned to him, concerned, but Jacob was staring between the glass paneled wall to the south, and how errant beams of light filled the room.
“It’s a bit much, I’ll admit, but we enjoy the light. Here, we do not have to shy away from the light, the sun… it was Esme’s idea actually. She designed this house, most of our scattered homes, actually.” He looked around at the place that had been his home for the last two years, and before that, decades ago.
“It’s… impressive. I thought I’d be surprised, but it suits you all. Though I have to admit, I thought it would be more of a McMansion than it really is. Don’t get me wrong, this place is still massive, and I can tell it’s extravagant as hell, but it still feels like a home. Not at all what I expected.”
Carlisle smiled back at him and led him towards the wide staircase, “We allow ourselves certain luxuries true, but we try to make a home wherever we go. We are not like others of our kind, content to hide and feed, to terrorize. It’s important to us to hold on to our humanity, so we find it wherever we can, especially in the comforts of having a place to call home.” He paused as he reached the landing, “We try to, anyway.”
Jasper’s study was closed, and he could hear Alice comforting him with soothing platitudes. As he was going to point out his study, Emmett and Rosalie emerged from their room.
Rosalie held Jacob in place with an emotionless stare before she took a step forward. She’s sizing him up, trying to decide if he truly is here in peace, or if he’s still a potential enemy. “Listen, I’m not like Carlisle or Edward. I won’t simply believe that you and your pack of mutts just decided out of the blue to extend the hand of friendship and want us all to hold hands and sing Kumbaya together. We’ve been here for years now, and just now you all have decided this? That makes no sense, so what are you really up to, dog?” She growled out.
“Rose…” Carlisle started, trying to disarm a fight before it started.
“No, it’s fine, Doc,” interrupted Jacob, not backing down and holding her gaze with a grin. “I’m just surprised that Barbie here can piece together so many sentences without getting distracted by something shiny.”
She gritted her teeth together and balled her fists.
Emmett, being himself, started laughing loudly, “I like you kid, you’ve got balls! Carlisle this kid is a hoot!”
Carlisle looked at Emmett, nonplussed, “Emmett, you’re not helping. This is not a laughing matter.”
Rosalie was glaring at Emmett now too, which he refuted by saying, “Oh, come on babe! You can’t expect the kid to just take your hits lying down. If you’re going to hit below the belt, he’s bound to do the same.”
“Yeah, Blondie, listen to your boyfriend.” He smirked, but then took a deep breath, and said seriously, “And look, it’s not like we even believed the stories about vampires and wolves until we actually shifted and had no choice but to believe them. We haven’t been lurking in the woods and scheming away, or whatever bullshit you’ve made up in your head. And you’re right, it seems out of the blue to you all but look at it from our point of view. Our neighbors are vampires, and all of our stories and histories tell us that you’re supposed to be the enemy. All we knew was of your kind’s bloodlust and destructive tendencies. But there was the possibility that you lot were different, but anyone who was there is long dead and gone. So, we—Sam— had to make a choice. Do we continue the blind hate, or do we decide for ourselves, with our own eyes, our own experiences, to give you the benefit of the doubt and ask you to do the same for us?”
Carlisle stared at Jacob with a small smile, because it would seem that he would never cease to surprise him, but he glanced at Rosalie to gauge her reaction too. Her demeanor has seemed to soften, if only a little; she seems surprised by his confidence and determination. He hoped that she could see the sincerity in Jacob’s eyes too.
“And do you think it’s that simple? To override your instincts to protect your tribe and the other humans from the big bad vampires?” she posed, her voice a little softer, but still accusatory.
Without hesitation he shot back, “Was it easy for you? None of you exactly fit the mold of big bad vampires.” Her expression changed, shocked. “I’m not saying that we will all be best friends and frolic in the forest, but wouldn’t it be nice to not have to live with the Treaty hanging over our heads? To actually trust each other and not have to do this whole distrustful dance every single time we see each other? Because the way I see it, Bella seems to like your brother a lot, for whatever reason, which means I’m going to be around whether you like it or not, because trust or no trust, she’s my friend.”
She pursed her lips, thinking, her gaze lingering on Jacob’s face. Finally, she said, her words measured and cautious, “I’m not sure that I entirely trust you, and I’m not promising anything… but I am willing to listen, and to consider the possibility that we might find neutral ground and overcome our biases towards each other..”
Emmett and Carlisle shared a shocked expression. Rosalie wasn’t one to agree to anything she didn’t actually stand behind, ever the most stubborn amongst them. But this was a step in the right direction that he didn’t see coming at all. If Rosalie could lower her guard, then there was hope after all. His shocked expression gave way to an honest, broad smile, hope might mean more time with Jacob.
If Jacob was shocked by her reluctant response, he didn’t show it, merely nodded and held out his hand for her to shake. Of course, Rosalie frown at the offered hand like it was personally offending her, but after catching Carlisle’s disappointed gaze, she rolled her eyes and grasped it with her own for all of half a second before dropping it and turning to Emmett, “Can we go now? The smell of dog is starting to make my eyes sting.”
It was Jacob’s turn to laugh loudly, earning him a fist bump from Emmett even as Rosalie dragged him towards the stairs. Before they could descend, Jacob called out, “Hey, Barbie! What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?”
She ignored him and started stomping down the stairs, but he called out the answer anyway, “Gifted!”
Carlisle could hear her teeth grind from his spot, and he winced. He waited until he was sure they’d taken off before he turned to Jacob with a mildly disappointed look, the young man still grinning, “Surely, that was unnecessary? There’s no need to provoke Rosalie like that.”
Jacob’s grin fell and he looked sheepish for a moment before his face flushed red, “Oh, c’mon, it was all in good fun. I’d rather she not like me for who I am than who she thinks I am.”
“That wasn’t the Jacob I’ve gotten to know. You’re funny, but not cruel, not really.” He could see that his words were having a stronger effect on Jacob than he’d intended so he grasped his shoulder lightly, “But I also know that she was rude to you, and that she’s better than that too,” he heard Edward’s derisive snort from below but ignored, “so let’s push past all that nonsense and continue, shall we?”
Carlisle gestured for him to follow him, and Jacob trailed behind Carlisle into his study, taking in the room in silence. His eyes widened as he scanned the space.
“Holy shit, you weren’t kidding about the reading thing, huh?” Jacob said immediately in awe, starting at one of the many towering bookshelves lining the walls.
He pursed his lips, amused, “I was not. I've had a lot of time to collect them," he said with a smile. "And this isn’t all of it, just what I have here for immediate access— I've got plenty more stored away elsewhere."
He watched as Jacob made a turn around the room, his fingers trailing lightly across the spine of certain titles. His eyes roamed until they settled on the wall that chronicled Carlisle's past, a kaleidoscopic collage of paintings that whispered secrets in fragments. Again, his hand rose, this time to outline the frame of a particular piece. Unassuming compared to its neighbors, this painting held significant weight. It was a small, sepia-toned depiction of a city, with roofs that sloped like ski jumps and towers that pierced the sky like shards of stone. A river, its waters rendered in muted browns and tans, dominated the foreground, spanned by a bridge that was a labyrinthine tapestry of buildings and arches.
“That is London of the 1650’s, the London of my youth. This painting is a little older than that, but much of it is exactly how I remember it. Though all of the houses and businesses along the London Bridge had been removed around the time I’d become a man, around fourteen years at that time.” He gauged Jacob’s reaction, but he saw no outward disgust or outright shock.
“That’s right, you mentioned you were three hundred and something…” Jacob’s gaze drifted from the painting, as he trailed off mid-sentence.
He turned to face him, his body language inviting conversation, but his eyes avoided direct contact. “Would you mind telling me more about your story?” he asked sincerely, “I have to admit… I’ve been eager to learn more about you the more we talk.”
“Of course, I wouldn’t mind at all. Let’s take a seat, shall we?” He motioned towards the reading bench directly across from the collage. The deliberate choice of this spot was no accident, for he preferred the cozy intimacy of the bench to the formal distance of his desk. Across a barrier of polished mahogany and leather chairs was not how he wanted to share this story—it deserved a more personal touch. Closer proximity to each other was an added benefit, though not the primary reason for his decision.
At least that’s what he told himself.
Notes:
Sorry to leave it here, but there *should* be another chapter in two weeks if all goes well!
What did y'all think?
I truly enjoy writing our Himbo Supreme™ Emmett and Rose too! I'm trying not to make her just outright Bitchy like she was in cannon, but not going so far out there that she's OOC. Let me know how I did! I'm hoping to round all the characters out a bit, if it hasn't been made obvious yet 😅
Chapter 22: Ghost Stories
Chapter Text
Before he sat next to him, Carlisle pulled a couple of leatherbound journals from a shelf.
Once they were seated, Jacob waited for him to start.
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, letting his story come to him.
“My father had been an Anglican pastor, and he’d lost his wife, my mother, in childbirth. He was… cold, and very intolerant of most things growing up. In a lot of ways, I think he blamed me for the loss of his wife, as if I were some great evil that he was burdened with. As such, he didn’t make much time for me, instead dedicating his life to the prosecution of Catholics and anyone who didn’t fit his definition of moral. He believed in the reality of evil, as many did back then. He led hunts for witches, werewolves, and vampires even, filling and fueling his congregation with hate for the ‘other’.
“Many innocents died at his behest, as the real creatures he sought to capture would not be so easily caught. But he was an old man and eventually the role of pastor was given to me. He demanded that the raids continue, but I wasn’t as free with my condemnation. I was younger and smarter. We didn’t live in London proper, which upset my father, but rather on the outskirts, somewhere between the bustling urban cityscape and the quiet rural towns. Sewers hadn’t been introduced into London and so latrines and cesspits had to be manually emptied out by what was called a gong farmer, and I’d noticed that a particular latrine had been condemned as no gong farmer would approach it. I asked around and they spoke of a great evil beast and mentioned that too many of them had disappeared there to ever warrant working there again. So, I investigated privately.
“If I had gone to my father, he would have demanded that everyone in the congregation mount their pitchforks and fires and hunt down the beast, but I wasn’t so convinced that it was a monster. I rented a room nearby for a couple of nights and noticed that there was no movement in the daytime, but at night, shadows darted to and from the sealed place, faster than anything could possibly move, almost as quick as a thought. But still, I could not bring myself to arm a raid, so I approached alone,” a soft gasp interrupted his thoughts, and he opened his eyes to turn to Jacob.
“Sorry, it just sounds like a bad idea knowing what I know,” he offered softly, almost like he was afraid to speak aloud, as if it would break the spell.
He smiled and closed his eyes again to avoid the temptation to lose himself in Jacob’s rapt gaze, “You might be surprised, I certainly was. I didn’t know what I would face there, but I stole away in the night to get closer, and as I reached the door, I found that fear froze me to the spot. Instead of opening the door, I knocked quietly and murmured into the rotting wood, ‘I know what you are, and if I’ve noticed, then surely others must have too. Please leave this place before it’s too late.’ And silence met me. I wasn’t sure if there was anyone there at all now, and before I could feel foolish, a series of hisses reached my ears. A cold terror washed over me, and all I could do was pray silently that they wouldn’t prey upon me as I ran away.
“Days passed, and then a week later, it seemed that the gong farmers had gotten tired of being afraid and set fire to the building. My father must have suspected that I knew something about it, for he was crueler in his final days. I don’t remember his passing with any clarity, but from the journal entries around the time, I thought that would mean freedom for myself.” He opened his eyes and opened one of the journals to the corresponding entry. This was, of course, a copy he’d made, as the original was much too delicate for handling without care, though this particular copy was more than a couple decades old and was by no means new.
With a neutral smile, he passed the journal to Jacob, who looked back at him with mild shock, so Carlisle reassured him, “It’s quite alright, this is not a priceless heirloom, nor is it something scandalously private. I consider you a friend, Jacob, and I trust you. Otherwise, there would be no point in telling you my story.”
Jacob opened his mouth, “I—” But just as quickly cleared his throat and nodded, looking at the open pages of the journal instead. “Thank you for your trust, Carlisle.”
The sound of his name on Jacob's lips sparked a warmth within Carlisle that he couldn't explain. It was as if Jacob's unique presence had awakened a flame that burned bright in his chest, defying the cold that usually dwelled there. Though he knew he couldn't generate heat on his own, Carlisle felt it nonetheless, a phoenix-like rise of warmth that left him breathless.
Before that emotion could overwhelm him, he smiled at this wonderful boy and nodded as he slipped back into the story.
“It was not freedom I found after his death. Life was unfulfilling and monotonous. I’d wanted to travel, but around then the Great Fire of London happened, and more and more people looked to the parish for comfort, and I felt like I had no other choice but to stay. By the time my too-kind words had driven out most of my father’s usual crowd, over a decade had passed. I was a pastor of an almost empty parish; the words I had to offer were too soft for the sharp teeth of the world. I did not seek to blame evil forces for our despair, but rather attempted to uplift and heal the community in whatever small way I could, and I suppose that wasn’t what they sought out.”
“A decade?” Jacob interrupted, surprised. “You mean to say that you managed to really escape a vampire before you became one?”
“Not quite. I’m getting to that part,” he replied, not opening his eyes, but letting a teasing smile follow his teasing tone.
A not-so-sorry tone, most definitely accompanied by a smirk, said back, “Sorry.”
“Like, I was saying, it had been just over a decade when my life as I knew it, ended. I was in the middle of an evening service when a newcomer had entered and kept to the shadows in the back. I knew my congregation, small that it was, and I did not recognize this stranger. I almost thought I’d hallucinated someone coming in, because they’d stood so still, that they could have been stone. And I’d convinced myself that I was overtired and seeing things, because at the end of service, there was no one skulking about in the shadows.
“Weary, I prepared to leave so I might lie down. But before I could put out the candles, I felt a coldness that I couldn’t explain. I looked around and prayed that whatever fear had taken ahold of my heart would wash away. Instead, I found an ancient vampire standing by the pulpit. He did not look ancient in human years, but his skin looked simultaneously like stone and rice-paper thin. The eyes… they were a milky white that bled into the red irises. And I knew exactly what was standing before me. Fear froze me to the ground. I had never seen someone as terrifyingly beautiful in my whole life,” his voice dropped into a whisper, almost without his permission.
“I should have been terrified of the being staring me down and fled like a bat out of hell—pardon the pun. But my feet seemed rooted to the spot. The silence between us stretched out like an eternity, until he finally spoke in a voice that was thick with a foreign accent, as if English were a language he'd only recently learned to wield. 'We have watched you for some time now, pastor,' he spat, the word dripping with malice. 'And we have decided to bestow upon you the Gift.' His eyes seemed to bore into my soul as he continued, 'You saved us when it was not your place to do so, asking nothing in return. Now, we shall see if you are worthy of this... gift. If you can do more with immortality than you did with this fleeting, insignificant life.' As his words sank in, I felt a chill run down my spine. This was no chance encounter - I realized, too late, that I was face to face with a vampire I had warned away from those decrepit latrines all those years ago. And as understanding dawned on me, I knew what he intended to do... but it was already too late.”
Carlisle was deep in his memory now, but he heard a small intake of breath and perhaps the slightest feeling of something almost grabbing his arm.
“I'll spare you the gruesome details, but the struggle ended with a candelabra crashing to the floor, igniting a blaze that allowed me to escape in terror. As I fled, a creeping sense of horror took hold of me—a dawning realization of what I would become. The fire, the chaos, it was all just a distraction from the true nightmare that was unfolding within me. I recall making my way to the bridge, driven by some morbidly human instinct to plunge into the river below. It seemed like the only way to protect others from... from what I would soon become.
“The pain that followed was blinding—a searing agony that I tried to convince myself was just the burning water in my lungs or the shattered shoulder I'd sustained during my ordeal. But deep down, I knew it was something more sinister. The transformation had begun, and with it, a hunger that clawed at my throat like a living thing. When I finally washed up on a riverbank near modern-day Surrey, days later, I couldn't deny the monstrous truth any longer. My shoulder had healed at an unnatural rate, and despite having been submerged for so long, I hadn't drowned. The hunger remained, gnawing at me like a beast—an insatiable craving that seemed to grow more ravenous by the hour.
“As I stumbled through those early moments of un-life, every step felt like a betrayal of my former self. The world around me was twisted and distorted, like a reflection in rippling water, all the sounds and sights around me magnified to an overwhelming cacophony. I wanted nothing more than to shatter this new existence, to extinguish the monstrous thing I'd become. Thankfully, I was far from any settlements or towns, with only my self-loathing for company—a constant reminder that I was now a creature driven by hunger and instinct.
“I fled from the world, terrified of what I might do to others if our paths crossed again. Drowning had seemed like an easy escape—just surrendering myself fully into its cold arms – but even death had rejected me; my body refused its final rest despite being submerged beneath waves which had claimed countless mortal lives before mine.
“So, in desperation I turned towards mountains—high peaks where falling would shatter bone after bone leaving nothing behind... I flung myself down... but the earth beneath held firm while I merely crumpled upon impact...
“My final attempt at self-destruction was starvation, denying my body its most primal craving—blood. Long weeks stretched into months inside a cave I’d discovered, the darkness shielding me well enough, so a wandering herd came close enough not sensing danger lurking mere feet away. And then willpower failed me—feral instincts took over and I attacked.
“As I sank my teeth into the deer's neck, a warm, metallic gush flooded my mouth. The blood tasted like rich earth and decaying leaves, with hints of iron and salt. It was a primal, visceral flavor that spoke to something deep within me, awakening a hunger I'd tried to starve into submission. The first swallow was like a key turning in a lock, unlocking a torrent of sensations that had been pent up for so long. As the blood coursed through my veins, it was like a slow-burning fire igniting within me. The hunger that had gnawed at my belly for so long began to recede, replaced by a sense of warmth and vitality that spread through my limbs like sunlight seeping into frozen soil. My muscles relaxed, my senses clarified, and my mind sharpened as the fog of deprivation lifted.
“But alongside this physical relief came a maelstrom of emotions. Guilt and shame wrestled with gratitude and relief as I realized what I'd just done—taken life to sustain my own unnatural existence. A part of me mourned the loss of innocence, the irreparable breach between my human past and monstrous present. Yet another part whispered that this was necessary, that this act was merely survival in its most basic form.
“And as I fed, the world around me transformed. Colors deepened, sounds clarified, and scents intensified as if my senses had been dulled by hunger's relentless drumbeat until now. The forest floor came alive with textures – rough bark beneath my fingers, soft moss beneath my feet – and sounds – birdsong in the distance, leaves rustling in an unseen breeze. With this newfound clarity I realized that I did not have to be a monster. Humans hunted deer, did they not? If I could subsist on animal blood, and control the bloodlust, then perhaps I could retain some semblance of my humanity. In the aftermath of the feeding frenzy, hunger-led mania turned to introspection. I felt human again, for a moment, in control if only for a moment. If animals could allow me to feed and retain my mind, then given enough time, I might return to the world and travel and learn and make something positive come from the immortality that had been thrust upon me.”
He slowly opened his eyes, coming back to the present, and looked at his companion. There was a glimmer in his eyes signaling unshed tears and an expression that showed deep concern. Carlisle felt an overwhelming need to comfort him but resisted. Hesitant, he cleared his throat, “In any case, that is how I started the journey which has led me here. It isn’t the happiest of starts, and I reckon that no one like us, vampires I mean, had a happy beginning.”
Jacob scoffed and looked away, likely embarrassed by his emotional state, and said, “No one is like you, Carlisle.” And the air in his lungs was seized again by his name being spoken by him. “Like your family, I mean. I can’t imagine that there’s many vampires who share your ideology about not hunting humans.”
“You’re not wrong. The only others that we know of are our cousins from Denali. We’re not actually related, of course, but much like we prefer to call ourselves a family rather than a coven, we prefer to use familial terms rather than ones that would serve to separate us even further from our humanity,” he acquiesced with a thoughtful nod. He wanted nothing more than to sit here and tell him about his whole life, his extended existence on this earth, and prove to Jacob that he too could trust in him.
Jacob blew out a long breath, “Geez, and I thought I had it hard growing up. Your story makes me sound like a whiney brat!”
“It’s not a competition; everyone experiences hardships one way or another, but what might be devastating to one might be a mere inconvenience to another. That doesn’t make it any less devasting for the other person. Whatever your struggles have been, I’m sure that they were no easy stroll through the woods, Jacob,” Carlisle noted.
Jacob looked down at the journal in his hand a drew his fingers across the page laid out in front of him, as if considering.
And then unexpectedly, he said, “Have I told you that my mom died when I was little?”
The question took him by surprise, and understanding that this was mostly a rhetorical question, Carlisle just shook his head.
"I was nine when my mom died," Jacob said, his voice barely above a whisper. "It was a car accident. A senseless, dumb accident. My parents didn't have the money to fix the car, so they just hoped for the best. But it didn't work out that way. She was driving home, and it had been raining buckets. Based on what the police said, it seemed like the brakes failed and she hydroplaned off the road, and she was just… gone." He paused, collecting his thoughts before continuing.
"I don't remember her much, just snippets of memories here and there. My sisters did a good job of taking care of me and Dad after she passed away. They stepped up and made sure we were okay... or at least, they pretended to be okay." Jacob's eyes dropped, his gaze falling to the floor as he struggled to contain his emotions.
"They were suffering in silence," he continued, his voice cracking with emotion. "I didn't realize it at the time, but they were putting on a front for us. They didn't want us to know how much pain they were in." Carlisle could sense the weight of Jacob's words settling within him, like a gentle snowfall that slowly accumulated into a profound understanding.
“Rachel had been applying for scholarships in secret and as soon as she was accepted to Washington State, she packed her things and was gone. She hardly ever visits, even though she lives in the same state, but I guess she calls enough. Rebecca though… she married a surfer she met while he was competing, as soon as she had turned eighteen. We didn’t even know that she was seeing someone seriously before she sat my dad down to tell him she was moving to Hawaii and marrying Solomon. She calls even less than Rachel, but she travels with him to competitions, so I know it’s more difficult,” he said quickly, explaining and excusing them.
"I can’t blame them for wanting to leave. You know, I can’t remember seeing them cry after the funeral; I can’t imagine what it was like to be the strongest ones in the house and never getting to grieve our mom. The house must seem haunted to them, by Mom’s ghost but also the ghost that my dad was after. He never seemed to fully recover after her death. There seems to be some part of him that doesn’t want to take care of himself without her there. Not long after my sisters moved out, he stopped caring again, and I hadn’t noticed how bad it’d gotten until he ended up wheelchair bound. And through all of this, I couldn’t help but think… what if I’d been a little stronger, or noticed that my sisters were in pain too? Would that have been enough to keep them around a little longer? Or if I was more attentive to Dad instead of fixing up the car, maybe he’d still have use of his legs. But still…as soon as they could leave home and start their own lives that’s exactly what Rachel and Rebecca did, and even when I told them what happened with Dad, they had plenty of valid excuses as to why they couldn’t come to visit or to help me take care of him. They left me and my dad heartbroken, even though he never shows it openly, which broke me because I felt like I wasn’t enough reason for them staying, or enough for him to want to take better care of himself." The dry laugh that escaped Jacob's lips was like a crack in the facade revealing anguish beneath, “And I know, I know, it wasn’t my fault, and I was just a kid, it wasn’t my responsibility to take care of anyone, but that doesn’t stop the pain from being there, y’know?”
Carlisle sensed a deep-seated fear in Jacob—one that told him that he was not enough, and that he would be abandoned and left alone. What could he say that wouldn’t sound like empty platitudes that had been said to him before? How could he comfort him without crossing a line?
Carlisle's expression softened and he took a deep breath, his eyes filled with a deep understanding. He leaned forward, his voice low and gentle, "Jacob, the weight of responsibility you've carried for so long is crushing. But I want you to know that it's not your fault. Your sisters leaving, your father's struggles... it's not because of anything you did or didn't do."
He paused, choosing his words carefully. "I think it's remarkable that you've shouldered this burden for so long, trying to make sense of things that are beyond your control. But it's time to let go of some of that weight. You can't fix everything, Jacob. You can't be the reason for everyone else's happiness or well-being."
Carlisle's gaze locked onto Jacob's, and placed his hand on his shoulder, holding him in a gentle but firm grasp. "What I do know is that you are enough, just as you are. Your worth and value come from who you are as a person, not from your ability to fix others or keep them from leaving. You deserve to be loved and cared for, regardless of what your family members have done or haven't done."
He took a deep breath, his voice filled with conviction. "I'm here for you, Jacob. I'm not going anywhere. And I want you to know that I see you, truly see you, and I accept you for who you are. You don't have to carry this burden alone anymore."
Jacob's eyes met Carlisle's, and for a moment, they just looked at each other. Then, Jacob's expression shifted, and he cracked a small smile. "Thanks, Carlisle. Just... thanks for listening, I guess. It means a lot to me."
He paused, looking away for a moment before continuing. "I don't know why I'm dumping all this on you. You're not exactly getting paid to be my therapist." Jacob chuckled dryly, trying to lighten the mood. "But seriously, it's just nice to have someone who gets it. Who doesn't try to fix everything or tell me to 'stay positive'." He rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "I mean, I know you're a vampire and all, but you're surprisingly good at this whole 'being human' thing."
Carlisle smiled back at him, and Jacob felt a sense of relief wash over him. The tension in the room dissipated slightly as they shared a quiet moment of understanding.
Sensing that Jacob was done discussing this and noticing that the sun was starting to set—as well as hearing somewhere above them that Edward was concerned with Bella’s tired appearance—an idea formed in his mind, and he carefully said, “It’s getting late, you should probably head home soon. But perhaps next time we see each other we’ll continue the story? I’ll tell you about my journey to the Continent and time with the Volturi and some of my travels in Europe.”
Jacob’s eyes looked towards the window, where the light coming in was now muted and he sighed and nodded, “Yeah, I’d like that. Way to leave a guy hanging, Doc.” He stood and stretched, smiling wryly. It was Doc again… he wondered if it was intentional or if he slipped back to calling him that out of habit now.
Carlisle smiled in return and stood too. When Jacob tried to return the journal, he shook his head slightly, “Keep it for now, if you’d like. It might answer any questions you have in the meantime. You don’t have to, of course, but the offer is there if you’d like.”
His hands wrapped around the journal, and he looked at it for a moment, and nodded in thanks. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you’re trying to get me to read recreationally,” he answered instead.
“There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the written word, Jacob. But maybe you’ll find the rambling writings of a three-hundred-year-old vampire more amusing than you’d expect, or not. This isn’t homework.”
“You say that now, but next time you’re probably going to ask for an annotated response on the reasons The Great Fire of London served as a catalyst for your turning or some rot like that. You’ve probably been a professor before, you can’t trick me,” he joked, but then he went still and pensive. “In all seriousness, this was all very… illuminating. I didn’t think that coming over would be as… successful? Yeah, that sounds right. That it would be as successful as it was. It seems like next time you might have a whole pack of wolves to contend with, rather than just the one. And thank you for sharing your story, and trusting me with your journal, and… well listening to me, really. It means a lot on a personal level, not just in this whole… thing we’re doing between the pack and your family, I mean, like we’re friends, y’know? Or at least that’s how I feel, not that you want to be friends with a rowdy wolf teen. And I’m rambling now, so I’ll shut up.” He ran his hand through his hair and let out a short laugh.
“I’m very happy to call you my friend, Jacob,” he declared genuinely, “And I look forward to meeting everyone else. Thank you in turn for listening to my story as well. Let’s head out, shall we? I’ll get some food for you and Bella to take home. Esme would be rather cross with me if I let it go to waste and not offer it to our guests.”
He let Jacob go ahead of him and he started divvying the remaining food into separate receptacles as Edward and Bella descended the stairs.
Jacob, of course, took the opportunity to crack a joke, “I hope you two were being appropriate and keeping your hands to yourself. Carlisle is much too young to be a grandfather.”
Bella blushed and muttered tiredly, “Nosy wolves should keep their opinions to themselves. You’re not invited next time.”
The rest of them laughed, and Alice and Esme joined them from upstairs. Once the laughter died down and it could no longer be put off, they started making their way to the door. Jasper, Esme, and Alice came down to see their guests off too. Polite hugs, or handshakes, were given and soon enough they were disappearing into the trees.
And again, Jacob drew the world’s light and color into his orbit, leaving behind a dull imprint of the world as he went.
⁂
At some point, the phone in his pocket buzzed with a message.
It was from Jacob. ‘Are you keeping my jacket hostage unless I write a report on my findings in your journal, Doc?’
That’s right, he never retrieved Jacob’s jacket… he typed back an answer in amusement.
‘Not at all. I apologize, I’ll make sure to have it for you when we see each other next.’
His reply was virtually instantaneous, almost as if Jacob knew what he’d write.
‘Relax, doc. I don’t mind, built in heater remember? Besides, I might have something of yours to return too…’ Carlisle cocked his head to the side, confused, but before he could ask about it, another message came in. ‘I might have taken the scarf in your office when we first met.’
‘On accident.’ Amended a follow-up text.
That’s right, when Jacob had run out of the room like a shot from a cannon, he had his scarf in hand. To be quite frank, he hadn’t thought of whatever became of it given the circumstances.
‘Does that mean you’ve been keeping it hostage? If that’s the case, I suppose I don’t feel too terrible from keeping your jacket from you.’ He replied with a small, private smile. This small teasing was allowed between friends, wasn’t it?
‘Oh yeah, that’s exactly what’s happening here. If you want your fancy scarf back, then you’ll have to pay a ransom.’
‘Will it be a hefty fine?’
‘Yup, the steepest fine. Once I think of it. I’m sure you’ll be able to afford it what with your fancy cars and all.’
He laughed heartedly.
‘Let me know once you do, then.’
A soft knock interrupted his thoughts. He pocketed the small phone and saw Edward come in with a strange look in his eyes.
“I think today went well, don’t you?” he observed as a way of greeting.
“Yeah, better than I expected too. I wanted to discuss something with you though, privately, if possible.” He licked his lips nervously.
“Of course, son. Did you have anywhere in mind?” He rose from his seat, ready to leave.
Edward shook his head, “Anywhere is fine. Just private.”
He nodded in response and followed his son out of the house. They sped through the woods until Edward deemed it private enough and came to a stop. The whole run, Carlilse tried to discern what he wanted to talk to him about? Maybe something about Bella? About Alice’s visions? But no… he’d been clear that he wanted to find another future, that he’d forge another future.
“No, it’s nothing like that,” Edward muttered, and everything about him seemed heavy.
“Then what is it, Edward?” he asked.
“It-It’s about Jacob,” he started, unsure.
“What about Jacob?” He asked, and he was momentarily glad that his heart no longer beat, because if it did then it might be hammering away in his chest again.
“Look, Carlisle, let me preface this by saying that I’m not judging you in any capacity,” he rushed, “but I know, ok? I know.”
A taut silence snapped between them, like a brittle thread waiting to break; it was a palpable thing, a living entity that pulsed with heavy tension. Because he knew. He knew. How did he know? Carlisle had been so careful, hadn’t he? But then again, that didn’t matter now, if he knew.
The thread broke as he spoke just above a whisper, “How?”
“It doesn’t matter, it was errant thoughts, here and there. Jasper suspected the same. It was the only logical conclusion. But it doesn’t matter that I know. I would have let you keep it to yourself until you were ready, but you’ve been so considerate and cordial about my feelings for Bella, and you’ve kept me from believing the worst of myself and if I can help you do the same then I will. But it’s more than that… I just don’t want to see you get hurt…” he trailed off and took a deep breath and stared at dark sky overhead. The moon was but a sliver, almost imperceptible if it weren’t for their particular sight.
Carlisle looked away and instead stared at the moss-covered trees trying to keep his thoughts from becoming a storm.
“Have you discussed what imprinting is with Jacob?” Edward asked finally.
Carlisle's eyes flashed back to Edward, a mixture of trepidation and curiosity etched on his face. "No, we haven't," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper. "Why?" The single word hung in the air between them like a challenge, as if Carlisle was steeling himself for an answer he didn't want to hear.
Edward hesitated again, his eyes clouding over as he delved into the memories of Jacob's thoughts. "I don't know the specifics," he began slowly, "but based on what I was able to catch in Jacob's thoughts... it seems to be the way that wolves find their mate, as it were. Perhaps an instinct of some sort?" He paused, collecting his thoughts before continuing. "It seems like his mate isn't aware that he's imprinted on her yet, and he seems to think it's cruel that he's found his mate with someone he can't seem to spend enough time with." Edward's expression turned somber, reflecting the turmoil he'd witnessed in Jacob's mind. "I could tell by his line of thought that he's torn between his duty to the pack and the tribe, by extension, and his feelings... He feels like he's being pulled in two different directions, Carlisle. His heart is at war with his sense of responsibility. " Edward's eyes locked onto Carlisle's, filled with a deep concern. "I'm only telling you this because I know you care about Jacob deeply," he said softly. "And I want you to be prepared for what might happen next. I don't want you to be blindsided by this development or make any decisions that might ultimately hurt you.”
Carlisle's gaze drifted back to the ground; his eyes unfocused as he struggled to process the revelation. The gentle rustle of the leaves and the soft chirping of crickets in the distance seemed to fade into the background, replaced by a deafening silence that echoed within him.
He felt as though he'd been standing on solid ground, only to have it yanked out from under him. The sensation was disorienting, leaving him reeling. It wasn't as though he'd held out hope that Jacob would ever return his feelings; he'd resigned himself to the possibility that their relationship would remain platonic. Yet, hearing that Jacob had imprinted on someone else... it was a different kind of pain altogether.
The weight of it settled upon him like a physical force, pressing down on his chest. His heart, long since stilled by his unnatural state of immortality, felt like it was being crushed beneath the pressure. It was an absurd sensation, one that defied logic and reason. And yet, he couldn't shake the feeling of loss that threatened to overwhelm him.
Carlisle's thoughts swirled around Jacob – his bright smile, his infectious laughter, and his unwavering dedication to those he cared about. He remembered the way Jacob's eyes sparkled when he talked about something he loved, and the way his entire face lit up with excitement; or the tenderness and hurt with which he spoke when he opened up and shared his troubled past, or even the unsure rambling when he admitted that he thought of him as a friend.
The memories were bittersweet now, tainted by the knowledge that Jacob had found someone else—someone who was meant to be his perfect match. The bitterness was only matched by the shame he felt for feeling that bitterness at all. He should be glad that Jacob had found someone, and yet here he was, spiraling in the woods.
A pang of sadness pierced through Carlisle's numbness. He felt like he was losing something precious, something that was never his to begin with. It wasn't just about romantic love; it was about the deep connection they had begun to make as allies, as friends. The thought of Jacob moving forward with someone else... it felt like a part of Carlisle had been lost.
He took a slow breath in through his nose and out through his mouth, trying to calm himself down. It wasn't rational to feel this way; after all, he'd known from the start that their relationship could never be more than friendship. Still... still...
The pain lingered within him like an open wound.
As Carlisle stood there frozen in time, he could hear Edward faintly, almost as if he were across a great distance, say, “I’m sorry, Carlisle, I just thought you should know.” He seemed to understand that Carlisle needed time to process what he’d been told and placed his hand softly on his shoulder before turning around and walking away in the direction they’d come.
His eyes stung with tears that would never come as he let himself sink to the ground. The right thing would be done, no matter how much it might hurt - Carlisle would see to that. Their interactions could be limited; perhaps Sam or another one of his brothers could attend meetings in his place, allowing Jacob to spend more time with his mate while giving Carlisle the excuse of getting to know the others better. No illusions were held, however, that reducing contact would lessen the ache of heartbreak that had already taken hold of him.
Notes:
Sorry for the angst there at the end 😅 but I hope the Jake/Carlisle interactions made up for it just a little!
On other notes! I made some changes to Carlisle's origin story (obviously) like I mentioned all the way back when I first posted the fic.
Some were necessary changes (such as getting rid of the Sewer Vamps, SMeyer didn't research well and it shows, London didn't have sewers until the 1800's) and some were changes that I thought would make the story make more sense (like Carlisle being in his 30's instead of being a 23 year-old with 5 high-school age adoptive children).
And while I'm talking about SMeyer's choices... London in the mid 1600's would have been around the time the Black Plague was most rampant there, which kind of led to the Great Fire of London around the time that Carlisle would have been turned in the original. I would have loved to have more background on how this might have spurred Carlisle's want to become a doctor, but that's just a thought. Honestly, I'd love to write more from Carlisle's POV of his struggles with the bloodlust and his control and journey to who he is when we meet him.
Chapter 23: Hurt Like Hell
Notes:
Some housekeeping notes to preface this chapter:
Just to make it clear, Edward heard Jacob's thought as he and Bella were driving to her house, and the reason Edward assumes it's another girl and not a boy/man is because Jacob started to use 'them' instead of 'him' in that paricular instance.
Also... I'm sorry for any angst caused by the previous chapter, and apologies in advance for this chapter, it'll be a shorter chapter this time.
Okay! Enjoy!!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jacob
He’d been so careful with his thoughts around Edward, finding a middle-ground between the downright onslaught of white noise that he’d implemented as a wolf and his normal train of thoughts. He hadn’t wanted the vamp to be suspicious if all he could hear was endless white noise and nonsense, otherwise he might know that something was off, that he was hiding something.
But now, in the safety of his own thoughts, back at home… his head was pounding horribly from all of the extra effort. He recalled how… radiant… Carlisle had been and how fucking difficult it was to maintain that mental snow to protect him. When Carlisle had offered to give him the tour, and they’d stepped into the window-filled living room, his control had almost slipped completely from him. A rogue ray of sunlight caught his skin, casting a brief, shimmering glow that seemed to hover just beneath the surface and his skin seemed to be infused with a subtle, shimmering light, as if the boundaries between his inner and outer self were beginning to blur. And his heart ached to touch him again.
But that wasn’t all that hurt…
With his emotions and thoughts now free to be raw and unguarded, his heart hurt—because reality had caught up to whatever tentative fantasies he was living in. Carlisle was never his to have. And the hope he’d held out for something more between them was now a lost cause, disappearing like mist in the air.
Somehow, in all the vague futures he’d imagined where Carlisle just might return his feelings, and even those in which he didn’t, Jacob had never considered that Carlisle might already have someone. Esme. The sweet motherly vampire that clung to his side as they entered the house, had shattered his heart without even knowing it. And he wanted to hate her; to find that instinct that told him that all vampires were dangerous and should be put down and use it as an anchor for that hate. But he couldn’t.
Because she was sweet, and so damned nice. And hating her would hurt Carlisle. Even if the universe seemed determined to torment and laugh at him, allowing him to imprint on someone who couldn’t be his for a myriad of reasons, he couldn't wish harm on the other man. The imprint that tethered Jacob to Carlisle was too strong, and he was bound by his feelings for Carlisle—feelings that made it impossible for him to desire anything but good for him. But he knew, from the depths of his heart, that even without that tether, he could wish no harm to him either. Not after hearing how harrowing and heart-wrenching his life had been before he was turned, hell even directly after he was turned. Something hot and wet hit his arm.
Damn.
Damn!
Damn and fuck it all!
When had he started crying?
Hot tears rolled down his face like a torrent, scalding his skin as sobs threatened to consume him. His body shook with each ragged breath, and despair closed in around him, a suffocating shroud that squeezed the air from his lungs. Fear that his father would hear and ask questions that Jacob couldn’t answer had him pressing his face into the crook of his elbow, where he bit down on the fabric of his sleeve to muffle the sound of his own cries.
His treacherous mind imagined Carlisle smiling brilliantly at Esme, brushing her hair back as he teased her before capturing her lips in a kiss. Or simply the reverence he would have for her as she presented him with the schematics for their next home. Flashes of what their shared lifetime might have held flickered through his mind. How long had they been together? Years? Decades? Centuries? How long before Jacob even existed had he lost Carlisle to someone else?
Carlisle had mentioned something about Esme before, on their first meeting, something about meeting her when she was younger before she was turned, but had he mentioned when? Did vampires have mates too? Had Carlisle known even then that he’d been destined for her? Did they have a moment, a spark that ignited everything? What was it about her that drew him in? Was it her laugh, her smile, her kindness, her demure demeanor? Was she everything he could never be?
What-ifs swirled on and on in his mind—what if he’d met Carlisle first, what if he’d been older, or less brash, or more worthy of his love. It wasn’t fair. Why did it have to be this way?
Why couldn’t he be enough for once in his fucking life?
The thoughts tumbled faster, and faster, a chaotic jumble of pain and jealousy and despair. Sobs ripped freely from him, quicker and harder, until he felt like he was suffocating under the weight of his own heartbreak. The world around him began to blur and fade as his body surrendered to the overwhelming grief, his sobs growing softer and more sporadic until they finally ceased altogether. The darkness closed in around him, a heavy blanket that suffocated him with its weight and Jacob felt himself being pulled under, down into a deep and dreamless sleep.
⁂
The next morning, the persistent headache helped to overshadow the persistent heartbreak he felt and found the strength to get up and pretend that his world hadn’t been shattered. He understood Sam a little better now. Though he couldn’t imagine being told to his face that he was unwanted by him. The pain that Sam felt… he understood it better now. But like Sam, if he told Jacob that he was unwanted and rejected outright, then the pain he felt now would be a mere shadow in contrast.
Jacob wanted nothing more than to just slink back into bed and succumb to the pain and darkness, but he had a duty. His pain could wait.
Steeling himself, he walked to Sam’s place, letting the cold air fill his lungs and numb the pain, if only for a moment. He would keep Carlisle’s story to himself, as well as his realization that his mate was already with someone to himself. Both were for selfish reasons, though one was also to avoid pity and the other to keep something special to himself. But it was important that Sam knew that the Cullens were receptive to meeting the rest of the pack and that, all in all, they seemed amiable or at least receptive to amiability.
As he recounted all of this to Sam, he felt as if he were out of his own body, untethered as it were. His voice sounded distant, a low hum in the background of his mind, while his words tumbled out in pale mimicry of his own voice. He watched himself speak, his lips moving, his hands gesturing, but it was all so remote. His body felt heavy, weighed down in the chair, while his mind floated above, observing the scene with a sense of curiosity.
He saw Sam's face, concerned and intent, but it was like looking at a photograph—flat and two-dimensional. The sounds of the room—the creak of the chair, the tick of the clock—were muffled and far away. Even his own breath seemed to belong to someone else, a slow and mechanical rhythm that had nothing to do with him.
Sam's words cut through the haze momentarily, "Hey, are you okay?"
But they sounded like they came from far away. He nodded automatically, and shook his head, mumbling out an excuse about being tired and not sleeping well. Hopefully it was enough to dissuade any concern. It wouldn’t do to add another burden to Sam’s plate.
And besides, Jacob was fine. This was fine.
Everything was fine.
⁂
The following week, he struggled to find a balance between complete numbness and normalcy. Too many people had commented that he was too quiet or that something was wrong. First, Quil, then Embry, then Bella, then his dad. So, he fixed the mask, pretended a little better until the week after that, no one noticed that anything was wrong.
Because it wasn’t. Nothing was wrong.
Everything was fine.
⁂
Another week passed and he spent time with his friends in all different configurations to avoid being alone with his thoughts. Sometimes just with Quil and Embry, like the old days. Sometimes the whole pack, though never in wolf form, he’d convinced Sam to let him run patrols on his own. As much as he detested being alone with his thoughts, it was better than sharing them and he didn’t think he could summon the mental strength to hide his thoughts through white noise now. Sometimes Bella would come over, and she’d watch him work on his car, or they would hang out with the pack. Other times he’d go over to her place, though never if Edward would be there. Jacob only offered to go to Forks on sunny days when he knew that Edward could not be there.
But he wasn’t concerned about the lack of sleep, or the fact that he couldn’t spend more than a couple hours by himself because his heart cried out to see him again.
Because everything was fine.
⁂
But then… everything wasn’t fine.
The subsequent week, when school had let out, Jared had a dumb grin on his face. Jacob suspected why but still wasn’t ready to hear it. But the universe had decided to make Jacob its personal punching bag, so that night over a bonfire near the cabin, he let them all know that he’d imprinted on a girl he’d sat next to for years, Kim. She’d been absent most of the semester as she’d been helping her mom after the death of her grandfather. No drama, no ex-girlfriend that was related to his mate, no vampi—no. Just no drama. He’d asked her out and she’d happily said yes.
Jacob felt a small crack across the veneer of apathy that he’d been wearing.
He’d selfishly hoped that Sam would be split in his reception of the news, that he’d be happy for Jared but jealous of the ease with which his imprint had gone. But no, Sam had no envy in his eyes, only joy for his brother.
But this seemed to be because Sam had good news to share as well.
He’d gotten Harry’s permission, or rather he’d fought for it, to tell Leah about the pack and imprinting to help her find some closure. She hadn’t believed him at first, but she knew Sam, had loved him for so long, that she could tell a lie from the truth. Surely, it wasn’t easier on her heartbreak to hear that she simply wasn’t meant to be Sam’s mate, but it made it easier to know that he’d had no choice. There had been tears and shouting, but also tentative understanding. And when Sam finally left, she’d called out to him and said that she couldn’t forgive him yet, but that she was working on it. The truth would help heal the fissures in her heart. Lucky her.
There was one less trouble on Sam’s plate, and he scowled a little less, and smiled a little more.
The growing crack across his mask began to spread.
And after the celebration when the others left, Sam spoke the words that splintered the mask altogether, bringing with it the pain that he’d successfully avoided for a month.
“Jacob, I wanted to discuss the next meeting with the Cullens.”
For the first time in weeks, he felt himself jolt back into his body.
The sensation was sudden and disorienting—like being dropped back into reality after floating above it for so long.
“Wh-what?” he said, his voice almost foreign to his own ears, having nearly forgotten what it was like to be present and not just spectating everything from a dissociated state.
“Well, Carlisle thinks that it would be a good idea to meet the rest of the pack since that was what discussed last time you two talked. He mentioned that the rest of his family is willing to meet us as well. And he wanted to know if we would all meet them or if I thought it better to meet one-on-one with him to plan first,” he reported.
“Oh. Did you want my input?” he asked lamely, trying to contain the pain of hearing his name again.
“If you’d like to give it, sure, but I’m more concerned about why he wants to coordinate with me instead of you? Did something happen?” he probed gently.
“Why did something have to happen, Sam?” he challenged, irritation clear.
“Because you’ve been distant and on edge. The others might not see it, but I can tell that something changed when you returned from seeing the Cullens. I gave you space and time to come to me, but you haven’t, and that’s your right. But now that I’m being asked to have the pack come face to face with a whole family of vampires that outnumbers us, I’d like to make sure that the pack will be safe. So, I’m giving you the chance to tell me now, did something happen?” He crossed his arms and said the last sentence with more force.
“It’s nothing, ok? Yes, the Cullens are safe to be around, the pack will be fine,” he bit out between clenched teeth, facing away from Sam’s gaze.
“Then why are you one wrong word away from shifting, Jacob?” he demanded.
Jacob didn’t answer, trying desperately to navigate the pain, anger, solace and relief that Carlisle hadn’t reached out to him to plan the next meeting. He ignored the voice that told him that Carlisle had calmed him with empty platitudes, and in reality, believed him to be weak. He was going to leave Jacob too. Already, he was creating a distance, reaching out to Sam instead of him. Had he lied about telling him more about his past too? Would he ask for his journal back?
The darkness around him seemed to press in, making his skin feel tight and claustrophobic. He could smell the damp earth and decaying leaves of the forest floor, but it was overpowered by the acrid scent of his own despair. The trees loomed above him, their branches creaking ominously in the wind like skeletal fingers reaching out to snatch him back into the abyss.
Carlisle's face flashed before his eyes, a vision of calm and collectedness that only served to highlight Jacob's own turmoil. He could hear the smooth tones of Carlisle's voice, whispering empty promises and reassurances that now seemed hollow and insincere. The memory of Carlisle's touch on his arm made Jacob's skin crawl with yearning and loss.
How Jacob longed to fall back into the numbing haze.
“Jacob,” Sam said, concern laced in his voice.
“I can’t Sam, please don’t make me. I just—” his voice broke as emotion threatened to overtake him. He felt like he was choking on his emotions, unable to express the anguish that was tearing him apart. His chest heaved with sobs that refused to be contained, each one racking his body with convulsive force.
“Please, Jake, I don’t understand. What happened?” he implored.
He shook his head stubbornly, simultaneously denying Sam an answer while trying to shake his mind free of the torment all the same. But thoughts built and built until the dam broke anyway.
"He already has someone, okay?" The words exploded from Jacob's lips like a cannon, the pain and anguish behind them crashing down like a tidal wave. "I imprinted on someone who's already taken, who's already given their heart to someone else." The bitterness and despair in his voice were palpable, each word laced with the venom of his own self-loathing. "The council was right all along, Sam. The imprint was just a cruel joke, a way to find peace between us and the Cullens, I was just the fucking fool who fell for it, who let myself believe that I had found something real." His words were punctuated by gasping breaths, each one ragged and raw. He felt like he was being ripped apart from the inside out, his emotions shredding him into tiny pieces. "I was so stupid to think that he could ever truly be mine," Jacob whispered, the words barely audible over the sound of his own ragged breathing.
“Jake…” Sam breathed out. He hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms around him tightly, wrapping him in a tight hug.
Jacob dissolved into his arms, letting his brother hold him as he fell apart.
Because no, everything was not fine.
⁂
It was a couple of days since he’d broken down in Sam’s arms like a child now. It would be embarrassing if it hadn’t been so cathartic and Sam so understanding. He let Jacob cry and fall apart into a blubbering mess until there was nothing more. Even when the sobs had ceased, he continued to hold him without words or judgement. It wasn’t until Jacob was ready to talk and explain why he’d been so distant that Sam spoke.
He didn’t offer Jacob false hope or frivolous paltriness, instead he offered Jacob empathy and understanding. They both knew how difficult it was to go through this. To know that the person that every atom of your being yearned to be with, was out of reach. Sam offered Jacob the option to miss out on the meeting between the rest of the pack and the Cullens that weekend. It had been almost a month since he’d last seen… him.
There was still a dull ache in his chest if he thought the name, and he didn’t know how he’d react seeing him in person… He was glad that Sam gave him the option, because he didn’t know if he was strong enough to see him by her side again.
⁂
The day of the meeting, his mind was still split, unsure what he would do.
On the one hand, he knew that he would face heartbreak head on if he went. He would have to suffer through it and know that Edward and Jasper would know too. On the other hand, if he didn’t go, he’d face questions he couldn’t answer. His brothers would ask why he wasn’t present. He—no—the Cullens, might wonder why he was missing too.
But then again, beyond the despair there was a need to see him again. A small voice begged to be in his presence once more, in any capacity. It promised him that the pain would subside once he set eyes on him again. Again though, the problem was the damn superpowered bloodsuckers! His thoughts and emotions, they were his to share or keep to himself. Not to advertise to the nearest ESP-having vampire.
If he could find a way to shut off his mind and his feelings for a couple hours, he would do it, he thought. He would go to the meeting without the burden of worrying about what others might find in his heart and mind.
As he stood in his room, staring blankly at the wall, Jacob's mind continued to wrestle with the dilemma. He felt like he was trapped in a never-ending cycle of pain and anxiety, with no escape in sight. But then, a faint memory stirred in the back of his mind. A recollection of when his dad had been struggling with pain of the peripheral neuropathy that eventually led to his wheelchair use, and the medication that had helped him find some measure of relief. Jacob's thoughts drifted to the old medicine bottles that were stashed somewhere in the back of his own closet. His dad had been wary of becoming dependent on them and ordered Jacob to get rid of them, but he hadn’t. Just in case his dad ever needed them, he hid them in his closet. They still lingered there, unused and unneeded. A spark of desperation ignited within him, and he felt a glimmer of hope.
Maybe, just maybe, he could find a way to silence the cacophony in his mind, to numb the ache in his heart. He thought about the meeting, and how he could face it without being raw and exposed. A sense of determination crept over him, and he knew what he had to do.
Notes:
I'M SORRY, OK?? THIS NEEDED TO HAPPEN
SO, in summary:
Carlisle now believes that Jacob imprinted on some unknown girl (THANKS, ED) and Jacob believes that Carlisle is together with Esme.
What a nightmare for our two supernatural idiots!
Chapter 24: Sweeter Place
Notes:
Thank you for comments and love as always! Y'all continue to inspire me
Here's a new chapter <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jacob
He wasn’t an idiot.
Ok, maybe he was, but he was desperate enough to think he knew what he was doing.
This was a one-time thing, a temporary fix, a way to numb the pain and get through the meeting without losing his mind. A bandage over a bullet hole. He'd stashed the pills away for a reason, and now he was willing to use them as a last resort.
With shaking hands, he measured out the dosage, trying to calculate how much he needed to take the edge off without overdosing, though he wasn’t sure that his metabolism would really allow that. The label said one pill every twelve hours, but he knew his metabolism would burn through it faster, and there was no telling if they’d lost their potency with time or whatever. He estimated four and a half pills would do the trick, crushed them into a fine powder, and mixed it with water. The taste was bitter, and coated his mouth with a strange texture, but he downed it in one gulp, trying to ignore the voice of doubt in his head. He drank more water to make sure none was leftover in his mouth, though as he waited for the effects to kick in, his anxiety spiked. What if this didn't work? What if he ended up making a fool of himself in front of everyone?
But within ten minutes, the oxycodone started to take hold. A warm haze spread through his mind, dulling the sharp edges of his emotions. The constant chatter in his head grew quiet, replaced by a pleasant emptiness that felt almost like calm.
For the first time all day, in almost a month really, Jacob felt like he could breathe again. He felt braver, more confident, like he could face whatever lay ahead without falling apart. With newfound determination, he picked up his phone and called Sam. "I'm going," he said, almost surprised at how steady and calm his voice sounded. "Don't leave without me."
⁂
Paul and Quil were the most nervous as they approached the meeting point that they’d agreed to. At Paul’s insistence, they’d selected neutral ground that was close enough to the Quileute lands that in an emergency they could quickly retreat behind the Treaty line. Embry was teasing Quil about being scared, mostly in jest, to help ease him. Jacob didn’t know if it was the drugs or Quil’s defensiveness, but he found himself joining in and acting much as he would have before their collective world had been flipped on its ass.
But they sobered up—or rather everyone else did, Jacob still felt the fuzzy detachment provided by his high, but he became serious too nonetheless— because they were approaching the agreed upon area.
As they cleared the tree line, they found the Cullens already waiting for them.
Jacob waited for the anxiety and pain once his gaze landed on Carlisle, but there was none. An additional layer of calm spread over him, likely Jasper’s doing , as he noticed the tension dissipate from some of his brother’s shoulders.
“Thank you so much for agreeing to meet with us,” started Carlisle. His voice was like honey and felt like a balm against his injured soul. Still cautious, he didn’t quite meet Carlisle’s eyes when they landed on him. “I hope it’s not an issue, but we thought it prudent that Jasper utilize his gift to help everyone relax a little.” He gestured to the dirty blond, who inclined his head.
“It’s not a problem at all, Carlisle. We’re all a little guarded coming into this. I’m sure it will be most helpful,” Sam lauded him.
“Well, I suppose introductions would be appreciated. I’m Carlisle Cullen, and this is my family.” He motioned first to those to his right, “This is Esme, Alice, and Jasper, I’ve mentioned.” Alice waved at them with sprite-like energy, smiling widely. Esme smiled and bowed he head slightly, like a lady. Carlisle then motioned to his left, “And this is Edward, Rosalie, and Emmett.” Rosalie’s slight scowl didn’t move so much as a millimeter, Edward nodded and smiled politely, and Emmett jerked his chin up with a shit-eating grin.
Jacob couldn’t help but grin back at that. He did still owe Emmett an arm-wrestling match, didn’t he? He turned to gauge the rest of the pack’s reactions. Paul was looking between Emmett and Jasper, clearly trying to determine who’d be the biggest threat. Quil and Embry were both openly staring at Rosalie. Quil with a little more fear than adoration, but Embry was clearly infatuated with Barbie. A laugh threatened to escape his mouth at the thought of Embry making a fool out of himself, or Blondie opening her mouth and saying something that would kill the crush immediately. He was looking forward to either outcome. Sam and Jared just gave them all a glance over and nodded.
“Thank you, Carlisle. I’m Sam,” he said with just an edge of the awkwardness of introducing oneself the first day of school, before he nodded towards him, “Jacob you’ve all met. To his right are Embry and Quil.” They both looked away from Rosalie quickly and raised their hands up in an awkward wave, that actually ripped a snigger from Jacob’s lips. Emmett and Edward also smiled in a laugh-restraining way. Sam gave him a quick disapproving glare before signaling to his left, “And this is Jared and Paul.” Paul did a two-finger salute and Paul matched Emmett’s chin jerk.
For a moment, everyone was silent, as if no one knew what to do or say next.
Within the haze of his mind, the situation was extremely comedic to Jacob, and he chuckled and muttered, “Wow, this isn’t awkward at all, guys.”
Again, Sam leveled him with a glare. In response, Jacob raised his palms with an overly amused expression.
“I’m just sayin’, was there a plan here that went beyond introductions? Maybe somebody brought a boardgame? Or maybe charades?” he joked.
The Cullen patriarch cleared his throat and looked sheepish, “I’m afraid we weren’t sure what to expect. We mostly wanted the opportunity to show that we are not a danger to you or any of the humans, it will be up to you all to decide that for yourself. If any of you have questions for us, or anything on your mind, we welcome them.”
The rest of the pack looked nervously between themselves, unsure what to say or do. But then Jared spoke up, “Jacob and Sam have told of that some of you have powers, right? How do we know that Jasper won’t manipulate us into feeling safe or something? How can we trust that what we’re feeling is really what we feel and not what he wants us to feel?”
Immediately, that wave of calm that had covered them disappeared.
“Think about it, just a moment ago, you felt calm, and now that I’m no longer influencing you, your natural state of feeling returned, right? If the change is too drastic, then you can tell right away that something was different, right?” Jasper explained.
“But could you sustain it for long periods of time? And at what distance?” Jared asked again. He didn’t seem actually suspicious, but actually curious.
“As long as the subject is within my sight, I can influence them. It doesn’t require much effort, so if needed, I suppose I could do so indefinitely, but there isn’t much point to that.” Jasper said, his voice measured. He hesitated, his gaze drifting away from the wolves. The pause was brief, but it spoke volumes about the vampire’s unease. “I don’t like to influence others,” he continued, his voice laced with a hint of distaste, “And I avoid it unless I think it’s necessary or in defense of myself and my family.”
Jacob felt a flicker of curiosity what had driven Jasper to reveal this? His golden eyes seemed to cloud over, his expression turning somber.
“My upbringing…” Jasper began again, his voice trailing off before he started again, a light lilt in his voice as he continued, “My upbringing after I turned was very different than my siblings. I was turned by a vampire who saw my gift as a tool for war. She used me to train an army, to make them more bloodthirsty and confident. And when they outlived their usefulness..." His voice cracked, the sound like a fissure in the earth.
Alice placed a comforting hand on Jasper's arm, her touch seeming to steady him. But Jacob could see the pain still lingering in his eyes. "I had to dispose of them," Jasper continued, his voice barely above a whisper. "And with each life I took, I felt their fear and their betrayal. It was... suffocating."
Jacob could sense the weight of Jasper’s memories bearing down on him.
"I once used my gift as a curse, but I've tried to escape that past," Jasper said finally, his eyes locking on the wolves again. "But it haunts me still. Every time I use my gift, I'm reminded of what I've done. And that's why I'm so reluctant to use it now." His gaze burned with intensity. "If you can't trust me directly, then trust that I understand the value of life—and the cost of taking it."
The only response that Jared could manage was a nod, but his expression had changed, showing just how deeply he was affected by what Jasper had shared.
Sam's expression was soft as his eyes locked on Jasper's with a deep sense of gratitude. "Thanks, Jasper," he said quietly. "That takes a lot of courage to share. We appreciate it." He paused, glancing at the other Cullens before focusing back on Jasper. "We're happy to return the favor – ask us anything you want to know. We're not looking to hide anything from you."
Emmett’s enthusiasm was palpable as he asked, “Ok, I’ve been dying to ask, how strong and fast are you in your human form versus when you’re wolves?”
“What’s it to you? You want to find out? Just try something.” Paul took a step forward, his eyes flashing with defensiveness.
The pack tensed, sensing that this conversation was teetering on the brink of a fight. Except for Jacob, who rolled his eyes at Paul’s dramatic retort, “Calm down, Paul, geez. Emmett is just dying to know if we can be added to his arm-wrestling roster.”
Emmett’s booming laughter echoed through the trees, “See, this kid gets me! My brothers are boring old ladies and hardly ever roughhouse with me anymore. Can’t blame a guy for getting excited about having a new challenge!”
The tension dissipated and Paul smirked cockily , “As if we would lose to a vampire.”
“Ok, this is happening! You are so on , just name a time and place!”
Paul opened his mouth to respond but Carlisle raised his hand to interrupt with a humored look, “As much as I appreciate the enthusiasm, perhaps this isn’t the time for that.”
“I agree,” Sam said dryly.
“Ugh, fine, but this is happening soon,” Emmett promised with the same confident smirk that Paul returned with a nod.
Alice squealed and did a little hop in place. “I knew we were all going to get along! Well, I couldn’t see that, but I always have good instincts about this kind of thing,” she declared.
“You’re a little weird, Alice… but a good kind of weird. You remind me of someone we know,” said Quil with a widening smile.
“Seth?” asked Embry and Jacob simultaneously, breaking into laughter.
“Who else?” Quil agreed laughing with them.
“I’ll take that as a compliment!” she smiled.
“It is,” the three of them said with similar smiles.
This time the silence that followed wasn’t as awkward, but naturally a segway to agreeing to do something besides talk the next time they all saw each other. Which was great timing, because Jacob could start to feel the edges of his subconscious start to bleed through the high, letting him know that its effects were waning.
They approached each other to say their goodbyes, Quil and Embry still a little shy as they shook everyone’s hands, and Emmett and Paul’s hands meeting in a loud and booming grasp. Jacob was itching to get back to the rez, so he opted to stay behind and wave to everyone with what he hoped was a casual wave.
Though, as they began their journey back home, Jacob couldn’t resist sneaking a glance over his shoulder. The rest of the Cullens had disappeared into the trees, except for one. His eyes locked with Carlisle’s, who was looking back too. Carlisle’s face broke into a soft, warm smile, the kind that always put Jacob at ease. It was almost as if no time at all had passed since he’d last seen it. Carlisle’s hand rose in a gentle farewell gesture, and Jacob felt a pang in his chest as he smiled back, the movement instinctive. He nodded in response before he turned his gaze forward.
Maybe things weren’t fine… but there was a chance that things would be ok.
⁂
If Sam noticed that he’d been… off, he didn’t mention it, which Jacob was glad for, but nonetheless, he’d promised himself that this was a one time thing so as soon as they’d finished the follow-up discussion about the Cullens—which had gone really well—he’d gone home and thrown the rest of the pills in the dumpster outside.
And really, things had gone well when they discussed where they stood on the Cullens. Paul seemed giddy to have someone to test his strength against, and asked Jacob if he could help him set up a wrestling match with Emmett soon.
Embry, the idiot, had asked if ‘the pretty blonde’ was with any of the other Cullens. Jacob’s response had been a belly-deep laugh before he confirmed that she seemed to be with Emmett, which made him pale in response.
“Don’t worry, dude, she wouldn’t be worth the trouble even if she wasn’t. Vampire Barbie would eat you alive and spit you out after. I think I’d be more scared of her than Emmett,” he‘d said to a now terrified Embry. After that they’d all taken their turns poking fun at him before agreeing that the Cullens really weren’t all that bad, by first-impression standards anyway.
But really, the important thing for Jacob was that after seeing Carlisle again, the world hadn’t crumbled, even as the effects of the drug had begun to fade, he’d felt revitalized again. He understood now why Sam had returned to Emily time after time, even when she turned him away. Not that he’d done so since she rebuked and rejected him a month ago… he wondered how much it was really affecting Sam, how much he wasn’t letting them see?
Jacob wondered when he’d see Carlisle next, and if it would sting less and less each time he did. It was a nice thought anyway.
A text brought him out of his mind.
‘Edward mentioned that he knew of a place where you can get the parts you might be missing near Port Angeles, want to make a trip out of it?’ It was Bella.
Jacob was happy to pretend that he hadn’t expected it to be Carlisle.
‘Sure, you have a day in mind?’ he texted back.
‘May 14th? It’s a Saturday.’
That was oddly specific. And nearly a month away!
‘Why the 14th?’
‘Because you’re my friend and you love me, and you’ll save me from going to prom.’
He threw his head back as he laughed. Oh, Bella.
Once he was done laughing, for the most part, he dialed her number.
“I can still hear you laughing, Jacob Black,” she answered in an accused tone.
“Oh, c’mon Bells, you can’t be serious! Do you really think I’m going to wait a month for these parts? Besides, I thought you’d be thrilled to go dancing with your boyfriend, isn’t that the teenage dream? To have the guy everyone wants at prom?” he asked.
“Well, it’s not my dream. I’m an awful dancer; I’ll probably step on him all night! I don’t even know why he’s so insistent about going,” she whined.
“Bella, I can’t believe you’re making me take the Ice Pop’s side here, but are you really going to deny him taking you to prom? Going to prom is a normal part of going to high school and being in love. Actually, how old is Ed anyway? Has he ever even gone to prom?” he posed.
She hesitated before answering, “I don’t know… I didn’t ask.”
“About which part?”
“I know how old he is!” she squeaked defensively. “He was seventeen when Carlisle found him… in a hospital, dying of Spanish Influenza...” She whispered, clearly affected by knowing that he’d suffered, “But I didn’t ask him if in the last century he’d taken anyone to the Junior Prom! Oh, God, does that make me a bad… girlfriend?”
Jacob could practically see her worrying her bottom lip from his bedroom and laughed quietly, “I mean, kind of? It’s not like you need to ask about everything, but it makes sense that he wants to experience that with you, right? If you guys are serious about being together, anyway, I…” He drifted off, not sure if this was a conversation that should be had over the phone.
“What do you mean ‘if we’re serious about being together’?” she demanded.
“Look, I don’t think that conversation is for right now, so let’s take that trip next weekend, and I can explain what I mean better, and we can discuss it then. But I do think that you should let him take you to the dance. It’s just a dumb dance, Bells, you don’t even have to stay the whole time.”
“Fine, fine! Yes, we’ll go next weekend,” she agreed, exasperatedly.
“Good, now call Frosty the Vampire and tell him you’ll go to prom with him,” he joked. He disconnected the call before she berated him.
⁂
Jacob spent the rest of the week trying to figure out just how he was going to answer the inevitable questions that Bella would have for him about the statement he’d made. Because surely Bella realized that there were aspects of her relationship that weren’t like normal couples. They didn’t have the luxury of just spending the rest of their lives together to figure things out.
He still wasn’t sure how to phrase it when she picked him up.
Luckily, the conversation didn’t start there.
They complained about the seemingly endless amounts of homework they had to do, or at least he complained about it, and the general monotony of being high school students. Sometime after they started passing Lake Crescent, though, she grew quiet and started gnawing on her bottom lip.
He sighed, “Alright, Bella, say whatever you gotta say before you worry yourself into an ulcer.”
“I know what you’re going to say, ok? So, it’s not a conversation worth having,” she said, gripping the wheel tighter.
“So, you don’t think that a conversation about your potential future with an un-aging vampire is worth having?” He asked incredulously.
“Not if you’re going to be judging me the entire time,” she grumbled.
“Bella, I’m your friend, it’s my job to judge you. And it comes from a place of love, so it doesn't count anyway. The fact that you’re avoiding this conversation now just tells me how much you need to have it,” he countered. “Besides, it’s not like you can have this conversation with any of your other friends. And Alice doesn’t count, she’s biased.”
“And you’re not?” she asked with a snort.
“Hey! Give me some credit here, I only poke fun at Edward because it’s fun to see your reactions. Now stop avoiding the question,” he said elbowing her lightly on the ribs.
She smirked, “You haven’t actually asked a question.”
“You’re such a child, fine. What’s your plan here? You graduate next year and then what? If you’re still with Edward then—”
“If?” she interrupted shrilly.
"Fine! You'll still be madly in love with Edward. And then what? You'll just... follow him to college, I suppose?" Jacob's voice was laced with skepticism, his tone already starting to rise. "How long before he and the other Cullens need to start over again, huh? Will you just drop out of school and move on to the next town with them?" His words came out in a rush, his frustration growing with each passing moment. He could admit to himself that this wasn’t he’d thought about at length because of her, at least not initially. Because of course he’d thought about what it would mean for him, if the Cullens left Forks, if Carlisle left Forks. "And what about Charlie and your mom? Do you just... abandon them? Forget about them entirely, about me? " Jacob's voice cracked with exasperation, his anger boiling over. "You'll just keep pretending that you fit in, going through the motions, until you get too old and have no choice but to realize that being human makes you incompatible with them? Or else what rinse and repeat, forever, until you die?" He threw up his hands, as much as the small space allowed, as he shouted, "How can you even think that's a viable life?"
“Because it won’t be like that! They’ll change me, he’ll change me! Then it won’t be a problem. I already thought about asking him, ok?” she shot back. “I just don’t know how to broach the subject, it’s not like I can just say, ‘hey, Edward, I don’t know if this is as serious for you as it is for me, but I want to spend eternity at your side, want to change me into a vampire before I’m older than you?’. I’m not an idiot, Jake… I know that things would have to change.”
“Woah, woah. Hold on, you want him to change you soon? How soon are we talking here?” he asked nervously. After all, the Treaty was still in place and if any of them bit her, even if it was to change her, even if it was her wish, it would violate the Treaty.
“I don’t know… in September I’ll be a year older than him already. Maybe after graduation?” she asked, clearly not understanding that this was a much bigger deal.
“Bella! Are you insane? You’re still a teenager, you’ve barely lived! You’ve been with him for what, a couple of months? And you’re ready to throw away your life for him?” he shouted back at her.
“I know what I want, Jake,” she said annoyed, “and it’s him. I’m never not going to want him.”
“Even if that’s the case, are you really ready to throw away your life as you know it away? You faint at the smell of blood, Bella, can you honestly say that you could stomach hunting for it? What about Charlie? From what I understand, it took the Cullens years to master their control. Could you really just leave him behind with no explanation? And after you master it, you’ll still be eighteen, you wouldn’t be able to explain to Charlie why you haven’t seen him in years, but you look the same age. You’d have to cut him off completely. Could you really break his heart like that?” he doubled down on his questions, not holding anything back.
“What’s the alternative, Jake? To grow old while Edward stays young? Wait until I’m nice and grown up and I could pass for his mother, or his grandmother? What would people even think?” she ground out.
“See? Even you can see that your idea is insane. Your only concern is that you’d be older than him! I don’t think that Edward’s so vain that he fell for your looks alone Bella, and I don’t believe you think so either. What’s a couple more years?” he begged her. Because in a couple more years, maybe the Treaty would be dissolved, and he wouldn’t have to anguish over the possibility of fighting whichever of his brother’s harmed Carlisle. Besides, Bella was human. Sure, she was certain that she would never fall out of love, but then again who does? She might meet someone else, decide she wants more out of life than living forever. Making a fast, hard decision like this couldn’t possibly end well.
She moaned, “Jake, you don’t get it! People would talk. Sure, Edward can pass for a college student, but it’s still weird for a college student to be romantically involved with someone older. You just—you don’t get it what that would be like!”
“You don’t know what I know! I’ve had to think about that, about how others would see he snapped his mouth shut and looked out the window in silent terror.
“Jake?” she asked, confused. “See you and who?”
“No one, ok? It’s not important. Just… trust that I’ve had to think about the logistics of that, and trust that it doesn’t fucking matter what anyone else thinks when it comes to love, ok?” he said dejectedly.
They both fell silent; the only sound was the roaring sound of the engine.
She sighed, “I haven’t been a very good friend, have I? How did I miss you falling in love?”
“Bella, please drop it. I don’t want to talk about this,” his voice wavered.
“You know I can keep a secret, besides, who am I going to tell? Charlie?” she attempted a joke.
“It’s not that, ok? I know you wouldn’t willingly tell my secrets, but you have a mind reading boyfriend, and I really can’t have him knowing this.” He silently begged the universe and any God that was out there to make her drop the subject.
“I mean if you’re really not comfortable talking about it, then we don’t have to, but just so you know, Edward can’t read my thoughts,” she offered this lightly, like she was completely unaware of the lifeline she’d cast.
That’s right. Carlisle had mentioned this. Bella’s mind was curiously safe from Edward’s powers. Could he tell her? Would it freak her out? He sighed. It would be nice to be able to talk to someone about it, someone other than Sam. With Sam, it often felt like he was telling not only his friend, but to his Alpha. He was his brother, but it wasn’t like they were steadfast friends, not like Quil or Embry… or Bella.
She wasn't part of the pack, wasn't bound by the same rules and expectations as the rest of them. Maybe, just maybe, he could confide in her without fear of reprisal or judgment.
The thought sent a shiver down his spine as he considered the possibility. Could he really trust her with this secret? Would she understand, or would she think him crazy or worse? The uncertainty warred with his desire for connection, for someone to share this burden with. Someone who it wouldn’t burden…
But the words were caught in his throat. So, instead, he nodded.
They continued riding in mostly silence. Until they started counting how many logging trucks they passed on the road and made a game of it and the uneasiness in his mind started to unwind.
The junkyard was surprisingly large and as they walked up and down the rows of parts and wrecks Jacob found himself saying, “Bella… are you still willing to keep my secret?” He played with the strap of his tool bag, slung around his shoulder, as he tried to keep his composure.
She stopped and smiled, “Nothing’s changed in the last thirty minutes, last I checked, so yeah, of course.”
Jacob couldn’t quite bring himself to look at her as he contemplated how to start. “You know how we’re shape-shifters and all?” He waited for her to nod before he continued, “Well, there’s this thing called imprinting that we do. It’s… it’s like our way of finding our soulmate or whatever, I guess. When we imprint on someone, it means we’ve found the person we’re meant to be with, our mate. It’s not something we choose, and it’s not always easy to understand, at least it hasn’t been in my experience.”
He paused, collecting his thoughts before proceeding, trying to find the words to explain, “Imprinting is like… a sudden realization that this person is the one for you. It’s not just about attraction or romance; it’s about feeling a deep connection between them on every level. Like everything shifts and suddenly, it’s not the earth that holds you to the ground, keeping you upright… it’s them. And once you’ve imprinted on someone, it’s impossible to shake the feeling that they’re meant to be yours…”
Jacob studied Bella’s face, making sure that she was following along, “I know it might sound weird, or even creepy to you, but it’s just how things are for us.”
She furrowed her brows and frowned, “No, I get it. Maybe not to that extent, but I get the whole… feeling like they’re everything, I guess. So, I take it that you imprinted on someone?”
Choosing his next words carefully, hesitatingly so, he admitted, “Yes. It wasn’t someone I was expecting or even wanted to feel this way about at first. But the thing is, now that it’a happened, it’s not something that can just be turned off or ignored.”
Bella looked intrigued, like she was trying to figure out just who it could be, prompting Jacob to take another step forward, away from her. He took another deep breath before revealing his truth, “I…I imprinted on Carlisle .”
He didn’t dare turn around, fearing her expression. What would she think? Was this a mistake, telling her?
No, no, this was fine. Despite the initial anxiety that was threatening a panic attack, there was relief too. Relief that he’d said it to someone else. Not that Sam didn’t count… but well, he wasn’t Bella. When had she turned into such an important fixture in his life? He might just say she was his best friend if asked. With this in mind, he snuck a peak at her.
To her credit, she was doing a good job at hiding her shock. Her eyes were wide, but other than that, she showed no outward signs of her reaction.
“Bella? Please say something?” he begged.
“I’m processing, hold on.” She put a finger up, “Carlisle… as in Dr. Cullen?”
Jacob felt his ears grow warm as he blushed. He didn’t trust his voice so instead he nodded. Fearing what she might say, he ducked into the next row of broken and wrecked cars. A wrecked Rabbit caught his eye and he wandered closer to it, after all this was the reason they were here, wasn’t it? Was he avoiding Bella’s reaction? Maybe. But he had just dropped a big bomb on her, and maybe she’d appreciated the space. He opened the car’s hood and inspected it.
The good news, there were still many pieces that he needed on the wrecked vehicle; the bad news, there was no way he could afford all of them. He only had thirty-five dollars on him, money he’d scrounged for specifically for this project. Man, he really needed to get a job this summer…
He had a vague idea of what they’d charge and eyed the master cylinder with longing, but he didn’t likely have enough for it. The better choice was to get some of the other pieces he needed that might be cheaper and ask how much the master cylinder would be and hope he could get enough together for another trip. Jacob was also keenly aware that he was busying his mind so he didn’t have to think about Bella and the information he’s dropped on her before fleeing like a coward.
Bella hadn’t followed him just yet, so he sighed and dropped his bag, and flipped it open to grab the tools he needed. The timing belt was in great condition, all things considered, and he got started on disassembling around it to get it free. As he was removed the components around it, he heard the crunching of gravel behind him.
He spared a glance to confirm that it was Bella, “Done processing?”
It was meant to be a jest, but it came out rougher, almost accusing.
“Sorry,” she mumbled, “yeah…”
“And?” he asked, focusing on removing the belt without damaging it or other pieces he liked.
“And what?” she asked dumbfounded.
He stopped to turn and look at her, “Well, what do you think? Am I crazy?”
“I don’t think so,” she started slowly. “You said that it’s not something you can control, that it’s biological, right?”
“And what, I would be wrong if I hadn’t imprinted? If I just liked him outside of it?” he demanded quietly as he looked at the freed timing belt in his hands.
“No, of course not,” she said immediately. “It’s a little weird because I’m with his son, for all intents and purposes, but it’s not inherently wrong. Why? Do you feel bad about imprinting on him?”
A choked scoff that twisted into a laugh escaped him, “I feel a lot of things about this, Bella.”
“So, tell me about those things,” she suggested kindly.
"You don't get it, do you?” he cried out in despair. “The reality is that the only thing that matters is that nothing can never come of it! Can’t you see why this has been tearing me apart? It's not just that I have feelings for him, it's that I know those feelings will never be reciprocated. He'll never look at me the way he looks at her. And even if he did... even if by some miracle he felt the same way... it wouldn't matter. Because he's a good person. He’d never just leave her for me!” He tossed down the wrench in his hand to the floor before he broke it by accident, noting how his hands were shaking with emotion. He took a deep breath, willing himself to calm down, and turned to look at her, to plead with his eyes for her to understand.
She blinked a couple of times and tilted her head. Then it seemed that it clicked, “Esme…”
He closed his eyes and turned back to the car. “Yeah… Esme,” he admitted.
“I’m sorry, Jake…” she said quietly.
“It is what it is…” he drifted off, before grimacing, “Now, let’s finish this up, shall we?”
Notes:
Ok, so less angst than last chapter, right? Maybe? I hope this doesn't give anyone tonal whiplash!
And Bella knows now!
Chapter 25: What's Going On
Notes:
I meant to post this a couple of days ago... oops.
Sorry! Time got away from me.
Without further ado, we continue!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jacob
They spent the next half hour talking about different things as he took apart the engine and grabbed pieces from here and there. He explained how it was that he first imprinted on him, how they came to start talking and meeting, about the Treaty, about the hope to rid the Cullens and the pack of the burden of the Treaty.
By the time they were headed to the front to pay, he felt less burdened. It had felt great to finally be able to get everything off of his chest and just vent about a lot of things with Bella. And she asked thoughtful questions and agreed with a lot of what he thought too. It was a relief to be able to truly speak with Bella about everything.
“Afternoon,” the worker said gruffly, as he set the parts on the counter. He’d decided on the timing belt, and a valve keeper. It was a shame because the master cylinder was right there, and so was the crankshaft pulley for the belt, and in way better shape than the one he had on the car. But he wasn’t made out of money, so this would have to do.
He nodded in response, and waited as the guy grabbed a large calculator and said gruffly, “That a valve keeper?”.
“Yup,” Jacob replied as the old man started to look through a large worn and weathered binder for the price. He then added the price and said, “That’ll be $47.50.”
Jacob balked, “What? C’mon man, these are easily two decades old here, I’m not asking for the price with a guarantee, just ‘as is’.”
The man looked him up and down and scoffed, “Kid, are you going to pay or not?”
“I know how this works, ok? I’m not new,” he stood his ground.
He could hear Bella shuffling her feet behind him, uncomfortably. And maybe he was imagining, but could he hear the sound of her reaching in her pocket for something?
The man grinned maliciously, “I don’t know how things work in your neck of the woods, chief,” he nearly spat the word, “but here the price is what I say what it is. Now, are you paying or not, Tonto?”
“Hey!” Bella started, clearly upset at the man’s attitude and flippant racist remarks, but Jacob raised his hand to stop her.
“Fine, just the timing belt then,” he replied, trying to keep his voice even. Yes, he was angry, but the insult had lost its sharp sting over the years. Most time, people said things like that without meaning anything nasty behind it, it was something they saw as innocuous ; but even when assholes like this meant to hurt him with words he rose above and didn’t give them the satisfaction of a reaction.
“$34.75,” the man said, after subtracting the valve keeper.
Jacob put the money on the counter, though he was almost tempted to walk away empty handed. There was no way that a valve keeper would cost over twelve dollars! Even new, it should have cost less. But he needed the damn thing and older timing belts were usually too worn out to use.
“I need valid I.D. to make out a receipt,” the man said as he eyed the money.
He rolled his eyes and was tempted to use his Tribal ID, but given this asshat’s attitude, he took his driver’s license out instead. The man started writing out the receipt but stopped as he stared at the ID with a puzzled look. “Can I see a Tribal ID,” he asked through gritted teeth. Jacob pressed his lips together in annoyance but complied.
After scrutinizing it, he sighed exasperatedly and shook his head murmuring, “Why didn’t you say who you were?”
“What?” Jacob asked impatiently.
“Give me a second,” he got up and went into the adjoining office, talking to the person inside. Another man followed him out with a wide smile.
“Mr. Black! I do wish you’d stopped at the office before looking for additional parts, I would have been glad to have William here help you with anything you needed,” he said.
What the fuck was going on?
“I’m sorry, what’s happening here?” he asked, completely lost.
“Oh, I assumed that you’re here to pick up your order? We don’t really do those, but we were happy to put it together for you, sir, anything for the right price, right? I suppose it’s a little crass, but true!” He laughed as he walked around the counter and motioned for Jacob to follow.
In the corner of the room, there was a large plastic box with his name on it.
“Here we are,” he said, raising the glasses hanging off a chain to his eyes, “we have the engine short block, crankshaft and the camshaft, exhaust manifold, master cylinder, the crankshaft pulley and seals, and spring. All under warranty, of course,” he said proudly.
He looked on, confused. Bella seemed to be just as confused.
“I’m sorry, there has to be some mistake, I didn’t place this order,” he said, looking at the pieces with envy. They were in near perfect condition. This had to be more than a grand worth in parts, maybe closer to two grand!
“Oh, yes, I know, but I assumed…” he trailed off, and shook his head, “well, I was told that you’d be coming in to pick these up today. I assumed whoever arranged it would have told you about it. But no matter! They’re here and paid for, so no worries. Did you need help taking these to your vehicle?”
Arranged and paid for? The gears in his mind spun until a plausible answer was spat out, Bella’s rich bloodsucking boyfriend. He’d been the one to tell her about this place, wasn’t he? Was this some pity thing? ‘Oh, I’ll pay for the poor native boy’s parts,’. And for what reason?
“Will you give us a minute Mr…?” he asked, holding in his anger.
“Fred is fine Mr. Black, and yes of course! You can have my office, no need to step out into the rain,” he said as he ushered him and Bella into the office before they could object. “If you need anything, I’ll just be out here.”
“What’s going on, Jake?” Bella asked, confused.
“Don’t you see? Your leech of a boyfriend took it on himself to buy the parts and sent us here without telling us!” he exclaimed.
“Edward? But why would he—” she started.
“I don’t know! But if he thinks that I’m taking them he’s out of his mind. I’m nobody’s charity case!”
“Jake—” she tried again.
He interrupted again, “No, Bella. This isn’t fine! Who the hell does he think he is!”
“Jake!” she said forcefully, and he shut up, “I’m not saying that this is fine. I agree that this was probably him, and yes, he should have said something, but he probably didn’t mean it like that. As if you’re a charity case. The Cullens are incredibly wealthy, from what I know, and they don’t really have a gauge for what a reasonable amount of money is. You should see the dress Alice bought me for prom, it’s ludicrously expensive, and she didn’t blink at the price, even when I objected!” she grumbled. “This is probably just a thank you for convincing me to go. He’d mentioned that he wanted to find a way to thank you, but I never thought it would be something like this. Just be glad it wasn’t a whole car.”
He set his lips in a grim line.
Bella’s explanation made sense. Stupid, rich vampires.
“Fine, I’ll take them. But you better tell your dumbass boyfriend not to do stupid shit like this, I don’t need the reminder that I’m not stupid rich like he is and shoving it in my face,” he decided.
“Trust me, I’m still working on it myself. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks they’re crazy about just throwing money around,” she said as she reached for the door.
“Fred? We’ll take the help,” Jacob said as they crossed back into the main office. Serves the asshole employee right.
“Wonderful! Were you adding the items you grabbed to the account as well?” he asked with a warm smile.
“Er, no. $50 is out of my budget,” he said as he reddened.
“$50?” he laughed, “My boy, I assure you that’s more than we’d charge for a belt and a lousy valve keeper!”
Oh? A devious smile spread on his lips, “But William here quoted me $47.50, to be exact, for the two pieces.” He knew the guy was a lying, racist piece of shit!
“Really?” he said unhappily, glancing back at the now nervous William.
“Yes,” he nodded earnestly, and pushed his luck just a bit more, to see how much outrage the Cullen’s money bought, “And to be quite honest, he made some pretty messed up comments too. I’m not sure I can recommend my friend to keep spending money here if that’s how you treat people. You understand, of course?” William had gone pale behind the counter, and if Jacob strained his hearing, he could swear he could hear the man’s heart rate accelerate.
Fred cleared his throat, uncomfortably, glaring daggers at William, “I assure you, Mr. Black, that is most certainly not how we treat our customers here. I will ensure that isn’t your experience in the future.” He looked back at him, and Jacob could tell that this was a genuine statement, and that Fred was an actually nice guy. “Please, take the two additional parts, no extra charge, as a gesture,” he pleaded.
He considered this. He didn’t want the man to lose out on a sale just because his employee was a dick… “How much are they actually?”
“Nothing, truly, I’m happy to cover the cost!” he implored, adding the items to the box.
“Fred, please,” he said seriously.
He hesitated, “They’re thirty dollars, and if you insist on paying, I’ll just add them to the account. Your, uh, friend was very clear that anything else you purchased was to be added to the account. Not a penny was to be collected from you.”
Jacob could live with that. Let the stupid vampire pay for them.
“That’s acceptable,” he nodded.
“Alright then! Let’s get this to your vehicle then,” he said jovially, before he snapped his fingers at William and said with a serious tone, “Help the young man with the box, please. And see me when you’re done, we need to discuss some things.”
William set his jaw and swallowed but did as he was told.
Once they were in the truck and pulling out of the lot, Bella started laughing, “That was fantastic Jake! I’m glad that jerk got what was coming to him. If you hadn’t said something, I would have, but it would not have been as artful as that!”
They started to laugh together as they drove back, pointing out how the vein on the guy’s forehead was throbbing, or how shocked he was that he’d brought it up. All in all, this wasn’t a terrible trip.
⁂
At some point over the next week, Bella had started sending him annoyed messages about convincing her to go to prom. First, she had showed him a polaroid that one of her friends took of Edward asking her to prom. He thought it must have been the nice one, Angela? Jacob thought Bella had mentioned something about her liking photography at some point. And honestly, it was hilarious. There was no way Ed came up with it by himself, that picture had Alice written all over it, and he didn’t even know the pixie-like vamp all that well.
The picture had been taken from the doorway of what looked like a music classroom and showed Bella tearing up in an embrace with Edward. There were rose petals littering the ground— peach, yellow and pale pink. Bella then proceeded to explain that one of her teachers had asked for assistance in the music room after school let out and she walked into an empty classroom, only for Edward to appear out of nowhere and take a seat on the rundown piano to play ‘Clair de Lune’— apparently they both shared a great love for the song— and as she approached, and the music swelled, he’s said, “Just as this piece is timeless and beautiful, so is my love for you. Will you do me the honor of accompanying me to prom?” And then the rose petals started to rain from the ceiling after being released from a large net she suspected Alice had set up too.
Jacob had laughed at the corniness and had been berated for it. But he couldn’t help it, it was so cheesy. Sweet sure, but as her best friend, it was his job to laugh at shit like this. Apparently, she’d been equally embarrassed as she was swooning over the effort he’d gone to make all of that happen.
He’d thoroughly enjoyed the distractions and looked forward to all of the complaints about Alice taking her measurements and discussing her undertones and best suited colors. Whatever all that meant. It was better than the gnawing feeling at his core that begged him to see Carlisle again.
Was it strange that Carlisle hadn’t reached out to him in nearly two months? Was he waiting for Jacob to reach out first? Well, in reality it was much longer than that wasn’t it? After all, when Jacob had gone to the Cullen house, it wasn’t as if Carlisle had invited him. But it’d been almost three weeks since the meeting between the Cullens and the pack and that yearning had only been growing. But no, yearning wasn’t quite right. It didn’t feel like it was enough. This wasn’t a craving, it was an ache, a burning need to see him again, to speak to him. It was a desperate longing, and it was consuming him. This was a soul-deep feeling, that longed to see its other half.
But what if Carlisle had only been polite before? And now that the pack had met his family he simply didn’t see a need to be the champion for his family? After all, he’d heard Jared making fun of Paul for losing to Emmett, and that meant that the plan was working, their two sides were getting along. What need would Carlisle have to meet and speak to him anymore?
But!
They were friends, weren’t they? Carlisle had said so himself. And he’d wanted to tell him about his life. So, it couldn’t be that he was simply ignoring Jacob, could it?
It was hard to think clearly about the topic when everything inside him begged to see him again.
Maybe Carlisle had just been busy with the hospital.
Or maybe Jacob should stop being such a baby and just reach out. It could very well be that Carlisle just didn’t see the span of time as Jacob did. After all, what was a couple months in the face of centuries?
Yes. Jacob was just being whiney and needy. He should just reach out to the doc. The phone in his pocket suddenly weighed a ton, but he took it out and stared at it for much too long before he hastily hit the speed dial for Carlisle’s number.
Panic flooded his senses as the line rang once—what if he was at work? It was Thursday, he might be at work! —and then twice—or if he was out hunting or whatever, he really should hang up and text like a normal— and then it was picked up.
“Hello, Jacob,” his voice was slightly distorted by the tinny effect of the phone, but still, still, it was like a balm and all panic ceased.
“Carlisle, hi,” he breathed out, doing his best not to sound besotted. And hopefully not failing at it.
“To what do I owe the pleasure?” he asked in that soft tone of his.
Oh, crap.
Jacob hadn’t even thought of what he was going to say! Damn his impulsiveness.
“Oh, er, I was calling to see if you’d want to meet again, just–just us, I mean.”
‘No, Jake,’ he thought to himself, ‘that doesn’t sound like a smitten thing to say at all,’ so he revised quickly, “I was hoping we could negotiate the terms of release of our respective hostages.” He laughed a little, glad that he was just as good at wit as he was sticking his foot in his mouth.
“Hosta–? Oh, yes,” Carlisle chuckled, “Your jacket and my scarf. If I recall correctly, you were going to demand a ransom, have you finally decided on the price I must pay?”
A fleeting vision of their lips meeting in a soft, gentle kiss, their lips touching, sweet and intimate, danced across his mind's eye, before he banished it with a shake of his head, his cheeks burning with a sudden flush. “Uh, I actually hadn’t thought of anything. Let’s just say you’ll owe me a favor in the future?”
“A blank check, huh?” Carlisle murmured, mockingly pensive, “I suppose that mean’s I’ll have to trust that you won’t drain my coffers.”
Jacob laughed, “Your coffers? Who says that!”
Carlisle’s gentle laugh followed, “I’ll have you know that coffers were quite indispensable when I was growing up.”
“Oh, yes, three hundred or so years ago, how could I forget?” Jacob teased easily. “Don’t worry Doc, I won’t drain your lifetime savings, tempting as though it may be.”
“Then I suppose we have a deal. I’ll owe you a favor. Did you have a date and time in mind?” Carlisle asked, a smile clear in his voice.
“I was hoping you could continue telling me about your time in Europe, if you don’t mind, that is,” he said hopefully.
“I’d be more than happy to,” Carlisle reassured him.
“Great! Does sometime next week work for you?”
“I believe so, but due to my schedule Friday or Saturday will work best if you’d like to sit down and talk. I’ll be free all day on both days,” he admitted.
Jacob didn’t say that all day worked just fine for him, and instead said, “Saturday is fine, whatever time works best for you. Did you have a place in mind that we can meet?”
"How about we meet at my home?" he suggested, but quickly followed that up, "Or if you'd prefer somewhere else, we could go back to where we've met before."
“Your home is fine, Doc. You lot don’t really count as vampires,” he joked, “so there’s nothing to be scared about.”
“If you’re sure then, how does four o’clock sound?” Carlisle proposed. “I’d offer earlier, but I believe that Alice is helping Bella and Rose get ready for their dance before that, and I wasn’t sure if you’d be comfortable with them scurrying around and eagerly getting ready for it.”
“Oh, Doc, please!” he crowed, “I have to take pictures of Bella getting ready for prom! I won’t get any evidence that it happened otherwise. Would you mind if I stopped by a little earlier and surprised Bella?” Jacob really hoped the doc would agree. Bella’s expressions would be priceless!
Thankfully, Carlisle laughed in good humor and agreed, “That shouldn’t be an issue then. Yes, please, you’re more than welcome to stop by earlier. I didn’t want to be presumptuous and commandeer time away from your friends.” His tone sounded more unsure.
“Nah, I didn’t have any plans for that day. If you really don’t mind, I think I will stop by earlier.”
Carlisle's voice took on a quiet gravity, his words spoken with a sense of solemn pledge, “Jacob, you are welcome in my home, at any hour, for any reason," he said, his voice low and deliberate. "My home is yours, whenever you need it. You have a place here, always."
Jacob stayed silent for a moment, not trusting his voice. ‘He means this as friends,’ he reminded himself, ‘this isn’t an invitation for anything else.’ He cleared his voice and said awkwardly, “Thank you, that’s very kind of you to offer. I appreciate it.” Because what else was he supposed to say?
Carlisle made a noise of appreciation.
“Alright then, until next Saturday, I suppose,” Jacob mused.
“Yes, of course. Until then. Have a good night, Jacob,” Carlisle said.
He whispered back before the line cut out, “You too.”
Yes!
A wide smile spread through his face and softened to a small, warm one.
It was a relief to discover that Jacob had been worrying for no good reason - his paranoia had been working overtime, fabricating problems out of thin air. On the other hand, it was also kind of pathetic that he'd let his anxiety get the better of him, spinning himself into a frenzy over nothing. His brain seemed to have a raw talent for manufacturing unnecessary angst. It was like a switch had been flipped in his brain since he imprinted and the new default setting in his mind was: “worry about everything, always.”
⁂
Jacob spent the remainder of the weekend working on the car and reading entries from Carlisle’s journal under the cover of night. It was… a lot. He wrote of his father’s harsh and cold treatment of him, and the utter darkness that the world around him seemed to be surrounded by. Just like when Carlisle was telling him the story, a sense of gratitude for the life he lived washed over him. He preferred taking care of his dad over the borderline abusive one Carlisle seemed to have had.
Now, he hadn’t lied when he said he wasn’t a fan of reading recreationally. There was too much energy in his bones to sit still and really enjoy it, so he skimmed through some entries and completely skipped through others. As much as he liked Carlisle, sitting through what seemed to be a commentary of the politics at the time was not something he wanted to do. But the entries that he read fully, that gripped him, were mostly of the ones from after he turned.
As Jacob lost himself in the first entries after his transformation, he was horror-struck by the harsh reality of Carlisle’s transformation. The bloodlust had been a merciless foe, clawing at his insides like razor-sharp talons. The months it took for him to regain control of his mind from the constant bloodlust were an eternity of suffering, punctuated by moments of sheer terror as he grappled with his newfound nature. And when he finally was able to really digest the truth - that he was no longer human - the blow was crippling. 'Alas, my eyes!' Carlisle wrote; his words raw with emotion after he’d caught sight of his reflection in a nearby stream. ‘Red as sin, and monstrous. Where hath my humanity fled? My hazel gaze, once warm and gentle, hath given way to this Hellish glare! Is my humanity, too, lost, like the green and brown that once dwelt in mine eyes?’ And Jacob couldn't help but feel a sense of regret that he'd never known Carlisle in his human form. What would it have been like to see those green—or had they been hazel? —eyes sparkle with life? To know him before the weight of immortality had settled upon him? The thought filled Jacob with a deep longing, a sense of loss for something he'd never experienced.
Somehow, it hadn’t occurred to Jacob that Carlisle had struggled so profoundly with his turning. From his words, it seemed as if he’d simply made the decision to hold on to whatever shreds of humanity that he could and go from there. But it hadn’t been that simple for him. There were months of self-hatred and grief, and it nearly broke his heart to read how much he’d struggled. It hurt him to think of how lonely he must have been…
Without his permission, his eyes began to droop, and before long he was asleep, Carlisle’s journal gripped carefully in his hands.
That night he dreamt of red eyes, hungry for blood, and the good man fighting the monster from within.
Notes:
I know it was a shorter chapter, but after that small filler at the beginning, we're back on track with our two protagonists!
I wanted to give more depth to the life that Jacob would live as a minority to try give more perspective as to another reason that the pack would generally be disrustful of the Cullens; not only because they're vampires, but because they're also white, incredibly rich vampires who kind of just throw money at things without much thought as to how that might come across. Is it too much?
Also I know *nothing* about cars and spent the better part of an afternoon researching VW Rabbit enigine specs to make sure it wasn't all hogwash, but if it still sounds like nonesense, I'm sorry 🤣 As for the pricing, this is supposed to be 2005 so the pricing is based on real prices back then or today's prices put through an inflation calculator. I think I'm putting waaaaay too mcuh effort into research for this silly project, but I enjoy being as accurate as possible.
New chapter should be up next Sunday (the 19th) if it isn't feel free to throw tomatoes in the comments to remind me.
Chapter 26: Not Just a River in Egypt
Notes:
Sorry! Sorry! Agh this week has been STRESSFUL
I totally forgot I had plans that day and didn't give myself time, then work got in the way, and my dog was so sick we had to take him to emergency services (he should be fine btw, just some pancreatitis, but this might delay future uploads, I'll have to see!)
But we're back and... we have some Jake/Carlisle interactions in this chapter as a reward! Thank you for being patient with me, the fanfic writer curse is working HARD!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Carlisle
If he focused on it, Carlisle swore that he could feel a fluttering in the pit of his stomach, impossible as it was. Of course, this was psychosomatic since his frozen body couldn’t actually do that, but his anxious mind seemed to ignore this.
Bella had arrived and was eating the hors d'oeuvres that Esme had left for her much like a bird would, picking at it this way and that. It was amusing, really, she seemed just as nervous as he felt!
“Are you alright, Bella?” he asked, curious.
She dropped the crostino clumsily, the various toppings falling off and splattering on the floor. Her cheeks blushed fiercely, “I’m sorry, here,” she bent over and started to pick up and try to clean, but he stayed her with an open palm, gesturing for her to sit back down.
As he made quick work of picking up and cleaning, she apologized again, “I’m sorry, I guess I’m just nervous. Alice has been talking non-stop about dressing me for the dance, and it sounds like a lot. I don’t really like being the center of attention. And it doesn’t help that she asked me to wait here while she got everything ready; it makes me think that she’s going over the top up there.” She shuddered.
Alice’s bell-like, tinkling laugh joined his soft chuckle from her room. “She certainly can go overboard at times. I’m sure she’s just excited to spend time with you. She’s seen you as a friend for much longer than you’ve known her, I’m sure Edward has told you. She and Esme are thrilled to have another friend to dote on,” he said as he rinsed his hands over the sink.
“Yes, he mentioned that,” a line formed between her brows as she drew them together. “Actually, I was curious to know more about Esme. How did you two come to meet? Edward told me bits and pieces about everyone, but I was curious,” she said sheepishly.
“It’s no problem, I don’t mind at all,” he smiled, and thought back to the first time he met his eldest daughter. “I first met Esme when she was about sixteen, she’d broken her leg after falling out of a tree. I could tell that she was a free spirit; playful and mischievous. This was a couple of years before I’d gone to Chicago and ended up changing Edward, actually. But, in any case, soon after I’d treated her, I moved away from Ohio. About a decade later, I was working as a night doctor in Ashland, Ohio and had been asked to call a time of death on the way to the hospital’s morgue. And to my surprise, it was Esme. I remembered her and her carefree smile and laughter, and it broke my heart to see such a spirited young life come to such a tragic end. And so, I made the decision to turn her too. She was very… accepting of the change and was glad to be a part of a family again.”
Bella blinked a couple of times before sighing, “It sounds like you saved her then, if they were already taking her to the morgue, but you were able to change her, she must have still been alive. Everyone else had given up on her.”
“To my then-colleagues’ defense, her heartbeat had been very faint, and the available technology was nowhere as accurate as it is now. I wasn’t sure if she would actually survive the transformation, actually, but was very glad that she did,” he explained.
“Still… it sounds like you saved them. Edward and Esme, I mean. And Emmett too, Edward told me that he’d been mauled by a bear! I don’t know the circumstances around Rosalie’s… transformation, and I gathered from Edward’s evasiveness that she’s a private person, but he said that you wouldn’t turn someone otherwise, if there was another choice other than death…” she drifted off.
“You’re very kind to see it that way,” he offered, “and yes, I wouldn’t turn someone who might have a life otherwise. And I suppose that’s the physician in me. Obviously, I’ve had many patients over the years who I’ve lost and haven’t turned, my family… it sometimes seems like divine intervention that their circumstances allowed me to change them with little problem.”
“Yeah, it sounds like you love your family as any good dad to me…” she drifted off and then changed to subject before he could agree, “Do you think that if I sneak out, Alice will notice?”
He laughed freely and was about to answer when Alice bounded down the stairs and met them in the kitchen with a pout.
“You wouldn’t break my heart like that, would you Bella?” Her pout was overly pronounced, and she looked wounded.
“Alice…” Bella groaned, “We’ve talked about this. My wardrobe is fine, I could have just gotten a dress at Port Angeles or something. I don’t need fancy clothes to stand out even more at school.”
“It’s just this once! Besides, I offered to take you shopping to supplement your wardrobe last week and you said no. They don’t have to be anything fancy!” Alice cut in with a hoping smile, “I just think that it could use some fluffing up. You hardly have any appropriate clothes for the weather! And, no, a single rain jacket and some sweaters don’t count. You hate the cold and the general weather here and I just want to make sure that you have some clothes that actually work against it so you’re not miserable all the time. Can you really blame me for wanting to make sure you’re as happy as possible here?” She grasped Bella’s hands lightly and pouted again.
“Alice,” Carlisle chastised lightly, “I know you mean well, but didn’t Edward ask you to not overwhelm Bella while she’s here?” Edward had gone hunting with Jasper when Bella had arrived earlier, both of his sons taking extra precautions for the dance later.
She pouted again but released Bella’s hands and sighed dramatically, “Fine. But we’re not done with this conversation, young lady! Are you ready?” Her eyes lit up.
“No,” Bella muttered darkly.
“Well, too bad! Let’s go! You’re going to love it! We’re going to have a little spa moment before we get ready for the dance, and you’ll be so relaxed, you’ll even forget to grumble about the dress I designed for you!”
She spun and danced her way out the kitchen with the plate of crostini, much like a ballerina might. Bella sighed and glanced up at Carlisle with a sighed thank you and trudged behind Alice.
He shook his head and chuckled, waiting for the sound of Alice's door closing before heading for the refrigerator. The absence of Bella allowed him to focus on making food for Jacob's arrival. Making more food seemed unnecessary, given that dinner plans were already in place with Edward, Jasper, and Alice before the dance and Bella was smart enough to question him making food now. A private smile spread across his face as he recalled Bella's attempt to get out of dinner earlier. Her excuse—not wanting to make them uncomfortable by eating food they couldn't—had been swiftly shut down by Alice. "Bella! Are you really going to deny Edward the chance to take you on a dinner date before your first dance as a couple?" Alice had asked, pointing out that with Jasper and her in attendance, there would be less attention on Bella—a concern she had previously mentioned.
The recipe he'd chosen seemed simple enough, but its outcome was still uncertain. Miso glaze had been applied to the sea bass filets the previous night, and now they were removed from the fridge. A new color had been imparted to the fish's white flaky flesh, hopefully a sign that the marinade had worked as intended. As he set the fish in a baking rack and pre-heated the oven, his tasks became more methodical. Cleaning the baby bok choy and mincing the garlic proved to be a calming exercise, each pass of the knife soothing his mind. Cooking, it turned out, was therapeutic – who knew?
He was just taking the fish out to rest when his phone buzzed in his pocket.
Jacob.
He wiped his hands and then flipped open his phone, and clicked open the message.
‘Hey, Doc! I’m outside, is the coast clear?’
An unbidden smile stretched across his face as he walked to the door. Without any preamble, he opened the door and saw Jacob standing on the porch, looking down at his phone, his backpack hanging from one shoulder. He looked up and smiled.
Warmth spread through every fiber of Carlisle’s being.
Oh, how’d he missed that beautiful smile.
“Jacob, please, come in.” He welcomed him in, opening the door wider and motioning for him to enter and looked out into the driveway but found no car there. “Did you shift and come in wolf form?”
Jacob gives him a puzzled look.
“I saw that you didn’t drive here, I just assumed…” he surmised.
“Uh, no, actually. It would have been faster, but I didn’t want to risk damaging your journal or your scarf. I had Sam drive me most of the way. He dropped me off near the Treaty boundary by Gunderson Pass and I hiked from there.” He shrugged as he followed Carlisle to the kitchen.
“Gunderson Pass? But that’s nearly eight miles from here—a two to three-hour hike! Why couldn’t he just drive you all of the way?” he questioned.
“Sam didn’t want to violate the Treaty, as obsolete as it feels now. He didn’t want to presume that he was welcome without an invitation. And before you answer, I made the choice not to call and ask. I didn’t want to ruin the surprise in case Bella was here,” he smirked before he added, “And please, doc, do you take me for a mere human? I made it in an hour and a half without breaking a sweat!”
Carlisle hesitated, “Still, I wish you’d at least let me know. Sam— and the rest of the pack, for that matter— is welcome to the house. Will he be picking you up later?”
“Nah, I’ll just phase and run back, faster that way,” he said as he sat on a stool by the kitchen island and placed his bag on the seat next to him.
“I wouldn’t mind driving you back, ” he offered before he could think it over. Quickly, he turned and retrieved a plate from the cupboard, “I made you some food too, I wasn’t sure if you’d be hungry.”
Jacob looked mildly shocked, whether it was due to his offer of a ride or the food was unclear. He cleared his throat and rubbed his neck nervously, “I wouldn’t mind a ride, it’s just probably not a good idea. We haven’t shared the extent of our progress together—the pack and your family’s, I mean,” he explained quickly with a blush, “with the rest of the council. There are some people in the council who aren’t convinced that our efforts will actually work. They’re stubborn old men who refuse to believe that change is possible, I guess. But thank you for the offer, and for the food.” He grinned, “You’ll learn soon enough that I’m always hungry, Doc.”
Carlisle chucked as he served the fish and garnished it. He wanted to ask more about the reservations that the Council members had, but he sensed it was a sore topic and decided it was best avoided—for now, anyways. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said accepting a challenge that hadn’t been issued. If he was always hungry, then Carlisle would make sure that anytime they met, Jacob would have something new to eat. “I hope you have an adventurous palate, then. I made some miso glazed sea bass, accompanied by some sauteed garlic baby bok choy on a bed of sticky white rice.”
“Well, it smells great, Doc! I can’t say I’ve ever had sea bass, is it anything like the bass we get here?” he asked as he eyed the food with excitement.
“I’m not sure, I’m afraid when I was still human, I didn’t ever try either, nor the bok choy as a matter of fact, though that was due to the fact that it wasn’t available in my part of the world then. The stipend of a pastor was not much, considering that much of it went to the upkeep of the church and my meals consisted mostly of bread and various vegetables, though I would indulge in meat pies every so often. And besides, it’s been so long, that I’m afraid I can’t recall what food tastes like,” he lamented. “But the recipe suggested that the sea bass has a similar taste to cod, due to its delicate flavor and mild sweetness.”
“I’m sure it tastes amazing, regardless. Like I said this, smells great.” As Jacob took his first bite, his eyes fluttered closed and a low, husky moan escaped his lips. His shoulders relaxed, and his body sank deeper into the chair, as if surrendering to the flavors on his tongue. The sound was almost primal, and Carlisle's gaze was drawn to the movement of Jacob's jaw as he chewed, the gentle bob of his Adam's apple as he swallowed. With his mouth still full, Jacob's hand rose to cover his lips, he exclaimed, "Carlisle, this is amazing!"
Carlisle's expression remained calm, but beneath the surface, he felt a flicker of… something. For his part, he was glad that his skin could no longer betray his emotions, because otherwise, he suspected his cheeks would be burning with a telltale flush. "I'm glad you like it," he said smoothly, trying to sound nonchalant despite the subtle tension that had crept into his voice.
Jacob moaned again; the sound muffled by another bite of the fish. His eyes were still closed, and his face was tilted back slightly, exposing the vulnerable line of his throat. "This is beyond like, Doc," he murmured around the food. "I think I would marry this dish if I could." The words were playful enough, but Carlisle couldn't help but notice the way Jacob's tongue darted out to lick his lips after speaking—or the way those same lips curled into a smile as he savored another bite.
Carlisle felt a pang of that something again at that smile. It wasn't quite desire—not quite as strong as that, or perhaps it was stronger than that—b ut it was definitely appreciation for Jacob's simple pleasures in life. And perhaps a touch of envy? After all these years as an immortal being with refined tastes and exquisite sensibilities... when was the last time something so mundane had brought him such unalloyed joy? Watching Jacob eat the sea bass like it was ambrosia from the heavens shook something loose inside him.
Yes.
As long as he was allowed, he would find new ways to bring this absolute joy to Jacob’s life, even if it was only through new food. For God’s sake, he sounded like a pathetic broken record, didn’t he? This was starting to become an obsession without the possibility of a happy ending, wasn’t it? Because Carlisle knew, he knew, that letting himself become closer to Jacob would only end in his own heartbreak, but what else could he do? Let him go? Preposterous.
God!
How infernally frustrating this all was. All he wanted was to be selfish and throw all caution to the wind, to prostrate himself at Jacob's feet and reveal the contents of his heart. He would beg for any scrap of affection, Carlisle thought, and to spend every second of the rest of his existence getting to know all the corners of Jacob's mind and heart. The desperation clawed at him, a maddening itch he couldn't scratch. For one fleeting moment, he let himself imagine it: Jacob's eyes locking onto his, filled with a deep understanding and acceptance; Jacob's hands reaching out to cradle his face; Jacob's lips brushing against his in a gentle, exploratory kiss.
But as quickly as the fantasy arose, Carlisle's logic and compassion swooped in to extinguish it. He couldn't let himself get carried away by these reckless desires. Not when there were so many potential consequences—alienating Jacob, jeopardizing their fragile friendship with the pack, putting his family in harm's way... The risks were too great, the stakes too high.
And yet... as he gazed at Jacob across the table, watching him savor each bite with such unbridled joy... Carlisle felt his resolve crumbling. He tried to remind himself that their friendship was enough; that being near Jacob, even if only as a friend, was better than nothing at all. But like a whisper in his ear, a quiet voice that grew louder each second insisted that this wasn't true.
He could acknowledge that the strength of his feelings grew and grew with each interaction with him, like a sunflower blossoming under a full sun. And like a sunflower, Carlisle would follow and cherish that sun for as long as he could have it... but what happened when winter came? When Jacob inevitably moved on or inevitably, they could no longer keep their human ruse and have to leave Forks behind? The thought sent a shiver down Carlisle's spine.
No matter how much he loved Esme or Rosalie and Emmett, or Alice and Jasper, or Edward—no matter how deeply committed he was to being their rock and father—without Jacob in his life... everything would be reduced to dust and ashes. His world wouldn't make sense anymore; colors would fade; music would lose its melody; life itself would lose its purpose.
For years now—decades or maybe even centuries—Carlisle had told himself that being around those you love is what made life worth living... but now he saw this mantra for what it truly was, an illusion constructed by necessity rather than desire. Family might sustain him through thick and thin... yet they could never fill this gnawing void that had begun growing inside him since he met Jacob Black.
Carlisle looked away trying desperately not to attempt to catch Jacob’s gaze, fearful, because he feared slipping inexorably closer into admitting something, an unavoidable truth within. However cruel, fate had dealt them both bad cards—Carlisle found the one he wanted to spend eternity with, his mate, his one, but he wasn’t his to have; and Jacob, sweet and charming as he was, put duty above matters of the heart and found himself having to spend time with vampires, with him, instead of the one he loved, his mate. Eventually darkness found everyone, that much Carlisle had learned over the last three centuries, but while some were destined to be overcome by that darkness, others would escape its grasp and find light, and peace once again.
Once upon a time, he thought he’d escaped that darkness, and believed that this second lease at life has been his escape from the darkness that was his human life… but the darkness had found him again, and lapped at his heels, reminding him that he would belong to the darkness again once Jacob, his sun, was gone from his life.
He could only hope that Jacob would find the courage to realize that the biggest gift and joy was to find true love and seize it and never let it go. Even if it left Carlisle bitter and broken, he hoped that Jacob would find a way out of his darkness and spend it under the warm sunrays of love before long and stay there for the rest of his life.
“You ok, doc?” Jacob asked, a worried look began to grow across his features.
Quickly, he schooled his features, returning them to their passive and gentle states and turned to look at him again. “Yes, of course. Sorry, lost in thought about philosophical matters.” He waved away his worries and continued before he could inquire further, “Did you want some more?”
“Maybe later, do you think I could go bug Bella now?” he smirked.
Carlisle listened carefully for any objections from Alice, and as expected, he heard a quiet, quick, and bell-like, “As long as he behaves, I don’t mind. I suppose I’ll just have to clean the room when we come back. It really is a shame his smell is so strong, Carlisle, he’s pretty great otherwise.”
He had to vehemently disagree with that. The only shame was that they couldn’t smell what he did on him. Carlisle had pondered what this could possibly mean but his mind was too disorganized to give it too much thought now.
“Yes, Jacob, Alice said it’s fine. She just asks that you behave,” he smiled, knowing that he would take that as a challenge to do the opposite.
A grin grew into a Cheshire cat smile on his face, “Pshh… me? I’m an angel, doc!” He sprung up from his stool, his bag in hand, and started to head out before he turned, “Oh! And don’t think I forgot about our hostage exchange,” he pat his bag, “we’ll get to that afterwards.”
Carlisle laughed, “Of course, I didn’t forget either. I’ll see you when you’re done tormenting poor Bella.”
Jacob’s reply was a conspiratory smile, a salute, and just as he turned, Carlisle could have sworn that he winked.
⁂
Carlisle sequestered himself in his office for the next hour or so, the spent writing in a new journal, and half-heartedly listening to Jacob tease Bella. He’d begun writing in this journal recently, and while he wrote about many things and many subjects, everything had circled back to Jacob, and more importantly his feelings about him.
It seemed important to put his feelings on paper, to release these thoughts in a healthy way that had no reckless consequences.
His earlier acceptance that, no, being just friends with Jacob was not enough, had tilted his world just a little more than it was before. Because the reality was that even if it wasn’t enough, there was nothing he could do about it without making things worse.
A chorus of laughter interrupted his thoughts.
He looked in the direction of Alice’s room as he listened in.
“Oh, c’mon Bells! That was hilarious and you know it!” Jacob said between laughs.
“Alice, please forgive my friend, I assume he was dropped on his head as an infant,” Bella deadpanned.
But Alice was laughing alongside Jacob.
“It’s ok, Bella, my original dress was a bit over the top and avant-garde, definitely not something appropriate for a small-town prom,” she sighed wistfully. “We already stick out too much as it is, so I decided on something more appropriate instead.”
“Then why am I stuck with this?” Bella bemoaned dramatically.
“Oh, quit your whining! Edward talked me out of your original dress too,” Alice sounded like she was pouting.
“This I have to see!” exclaimed Jacob.
“It was so pretty, here, I still have the sketches.” There was some rustling and then the sound of pages turning before Jacob was laughing again and Bella groaning Alice’s name.
“Do you have something against fabric? Both of the dresses are so… weird! I stand by my statement that your dress looked like a kindergartener found a pair of scissors and went to town on the dress, but Bella’s dress looked like Jared got to it when he was particularly hungry and just started chewing on it. And then the same kindergartners found the dress and spilled paint on it,” he howled in laughter.
“I hate to agree Alice, but it is… a lot,” Bella said hesitantly and with mild disdain.
Alice huffed and complained, “You both just have no vision!”
Carlisle had seen the original designs for both her and Bella’s dress, and he had to agree with Jacob on his assessments. Alice’s dress had originally been a black, spaghetti strap, satin dress with geometric cut outs across the bodice. As for Bella’s dress, it had been an off the shoulder, empire sheath dress with long angel sleeves; it was a pale-yellow color with colorful Victorian-flower prints throughout. Avant-garde was certainly a word for them, but not the right word; strange was a better one for them. Or couture, as Rosalie had put it, but certainly out of place at any prom.
“Ok, time for the wolf to entertain himself outside the room, I have to get her into her actual dress now!” Alice announced.
“Sure, sure,” he sighed, and shortly after there was a sound of a door closing shut. His footfalls were closer to Carlisle’s office then and there was a moment’s pause before a rhythmic knock sounded at his door before it slowly swung open. “Are you in here, Doc? Alice kicked me out.”
“Yes, so I heard. Come in, please,” he said with a wry chuckle as he spotted the over-pronounced pout Jacob was sporting. The pout combined with what could only be described as puppy eyes, no pun intended of course, simultaneously endeared him in Carlisle's eyes as well as crush his heart just a little more. But now was not the time to focus on things like that. He, mentally, shook his head and said humor, "I also heard your colorful descriptions of Alice's original ideas for the dresses, and I can't say that I disagree."
"I'd seriously question your judgement if you did," Jacob said without missing a beat, walking in, dropping his bag on the seat they’d shared last and finally taking a seat in front of him in one of the chairs in front of his desk, "I mean, I assume you saw them, right? Don't get me wrong, Alice is nice and all, but..." he dramatically shuddered and shook his head, "are you sure she's a vampire? Maybe you picked up a fairy or a pixie or something."
"You know it's curious, Edward has accused her of being a fae-creature too. I haven't come across one before, nor do I know if they exist, so I can't confirm your theories but I suppose anything is possible considering..." he trailed off as he looked pointedly at Jacob.
"Hm?" He cocked his head to the side for a moment before he laughed, "Oh right, the wolf thing."
"Well, yes, but you aren't a werewolf, not as my kind has known them. It appears the supernatural world is much more diverse than I ever thought possible."
"Vampires, werewolves, and shape-shifters, oh my!" The smirk he was sporting was borderline lascivious—no. ‘Where had that thought even come from?’ he chastised himself silently. He looked down at his journal as a pretense to look away, to hide the shame that was surely on his face as the nose on his face. But he snuck a peak through his lashes at him, just to check, though to verify what he wasn't sure.
Jacob was looking away now too, his brows slightly furrowed, and his expression unreadable. At least unreadable to Carlisle's eyes now. He was too busy internally panicking to really be able to dissect the other's facial expressions, because surely this was Carlisle's fault. Why else would Jacob go from smirking in such a way to such a stricken expression?
Perhaps his own expression had given something away? He hadn't thought that it had, but given how much he was feeling since Jacob arrived, maybe his careful control had slipped.
He should say something. Shouldn't he? Apologize, or ask what was the matter and feign innocence. But as he parted his lips to speak, Jacob cleared his throat instead, "Sorry, I guess that wasn't that funny. I really do like Alice, it was just a dumb joke."
What? Carlisle stilled as he recalled the conversation before the smirk that stopped his brain in its tracks. They'd been talking and joking about the possibility of Alice being a fae creature. That's right. Could it be that Jacob thought that he was upset or offended on Alice's behalf?
"I know it was a joke, Jacob and I know it didn't come from a place of maliciousness. There no apologies needed."
‘Not in the least because I should be apologizing to you,’ he thought privately.
"Right, yeah..." Jacob trailed off and ran his fingers through his long hair.
How strange, this silence that filled the room now. It wasn't like the comfortable silences they'd shared before, but neither was it like the shared silence of their first official meeting, that was steeped in the awkwardness of sharing a small space with someone you don't know.
This silence was heavy and cumbrous. It slithered between them like a colubrid, constricting the air around them. Which was ridiculous, because it wasn't truly silence; in the other room, Carlisle could hear Alice chastising Bella about her posture. If anything, this made the silence between them more distinct, more noticeable.
Again, as he attempted to speak, to clear this deafening non-silence his attempt was thwarted, though this time by Alice as she squealed and clapped and all but tore the door to his study open. "She looks so beautiful! Come see!" She bounded over and wrapped her hands around Jacob's arm, dragging him with her like a ragdoll, as if he weren't nearly twice her height and weight. If she noticed the tension between them, she made no comment on it.
"Hey!" He objected, "I am perfectly capable of walking myself, y'know."
"Hush, stop being a big baby already. I need someone to admire her, and I suppose you'll do until Edward gets here," she continued to drag him, and he cast an imploring glance Carlisle's way. Whatever the cause for the strangeness before was dispelled when their eyes met again and Jacob implored him with his gaze alone to save him from her clutches. Carlisle couldn't help but follow them with an amused look as they descended the stairs. "Okay, now wait here. I'll be right back!" She turned him to face the staircase and then bounded up the steps again, calling out, "Bella! Come on out, or I’ll come in and drag you out, don’t think I won’t!”
Carlisle and Jacob shared amused smiles as they could hear Bella arguing with Alice in a loud whisper about how she could barely walk in the heels Alice had made her put on.
There were a couple of more squabbles before Bella finally released a puff of air and relented. The distinct sound of unbalanced heels clacking on the wood floorboards turned his attention from Jacob, to the landing where Bella was coming into view. Alice had certainly done a much better job with Bella's second dress.
The dress unfurled like the awakening of spring, its color a soft, buttery yellow reminiscent of wild primroses scattered across a sunlit meadow. The fabric was wrapped around her arms, just off the shoulders, and flowed down the bodice and skirt as if kissed by a gentle breeze, its layers delicate as petals, soft and ethereal. Each translucent fold overlayed the next, deepening the hue, much like sunlight filtering through clusters of primroses, intensifying their delicate glow. The texture had a whispered softness, like the tender touch of a flower's bloom. The interplay of layers conjured the image of a spring morning, in Carlisle’s mind; where the dewdrops on wildflowers catch the early light, adding a radiant shimmer. The gown seemed alive, exuding a graceful vitality that mirrors the rebirth and energy of the season. A perfect Spring prom dress, truly. It was a vision of spring's essence, embodied in fabric—delicate, luminous, and full of life’s quiet poetry— and Alice captured what Edward saw in Bella perfectly.
The dress was stunning in its simplicity, but Bella truly looked radiant in it, brought it to life really, the only thing that was missing was a real smile.
The one she wore now was closer to a grimace; it was forced and didn't quite reach her eyes. If he'd learned anything from Edward, it was that Bella didn't like attention to be placed on her, and she likely felt like a spectacle just now.
"Woah! Bella you look..." Jacob trailed off, taking a step forward to grab her hand and raise it to lead her into a spin. Bella did not seem to understand that and very stiffly allowed her arm to be raised and awkwardly took a step forward before hesitating and taking a step back, panicking as she spied Jacob's amused look and eventually took three rigid steps to complete a turn.
Jacob grinned mischievously. "Cinderella's got nothing on you, but I'm giving you ten minutes before you face-plant in that dress."
Bella shot back, "Hey, I've been telling Alice these heels are a death trap, but she won't listen."
Alice jumped in, "Kitten heels, people! They're barely an inch tall. I already compromised on the lashes, don't make me regret it. You two will not compromise my vision any more!"
Jacob's eyes lit up. "Vision? Oh, that's rich coming from the resident psychic! Have you already seen her tripping, is that why you're so adamant that they stay on?"
An exasperated sound left Alice's mouth as she shook her head slightly and muttered mutinously, "As if Edward would let me put her in heels if it was dangerous. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to finish getting ready." She pivoted to look at him directly, "Do not ruin her look. No crying, smearing, hair ruffling, got it?" An eyeroll and single nod was the only answer she received, but she seemed placated because she smiled and skipped up the stairs.
Carlisle took a step forward, grasped her hands in his and simply said, “You really do look beautiful, Bella. Edward will be over the moon, even more than usual, about having you at his side.”
A blooming blush crept up her neck and reddened the tips of her ears, “Thank you, Carlisle.”
Jacob spent the next twenty minutes or so telling jokes, or stories to relax Bella, and it seemed to be working. Slowly, she relaxed and began laughing with him. It wasn’t long until Alice came down the steps with an excited, “Ta-da! What do we think?”
Alice’s dress was a tranquil ode to elegance; its teal fabric flowing like a serene tide under twilight's embrace. The bodice, softly ruched, with a low, sweeping cowl neckline, clung with a gentle grace, evoking the contours of a seashell touched by the ocean's whispers. Below, the pleated skirt cascaded in luminous ripples, while a daring slit revealed a flicker of movement, like moonlight shimmering across still waters. It was a harmonious blend of bold allure and timeless softness, as though woven from the very essence of the sea's mysteries. Very Alice indeed.
The dresses were so dissimilar in style, but there was a timeless feeling to them. Alice most definitely had taken into consideration Edward’s objections to the first design for Bella’s dress. While Alice’s dress featured a low neckline that was bordering on scandalous for a high school prom, Bella’s dress was designed so that the crossing fabric from the off-shoulder sleeves would cover her to just below her clavicles. Despite the natural sheerness of tulle, there were so many layers of it that the tulle revealed nothing, unlike Alice’s dress lit that nearly reached her hip.
Carlisle wondered off-handedly and amusingly if he’d receive an email from a school administrator about this.
Bella and Jacob reacted as predictably as Carlisle thought they would, one in awe and the other in light-jest, but he’d let himself recede into his mind as he observed the scene. His mind was still uneasy about having to spend more time with Jacob after his boys came to collect their dates—which was surely to happen at any minute— and falling more and more in love with him without being able to do a single thing about it.
Surely enough, Edward and Jasper appeared shortly afterwards, and they all exchanged pleasantries and soft caresses. Carlisle had to look away because it hurt to see so much love when there was none directed at him. Edward and Jasper led their beautiful dates to their respective cars after saying goodbye to him and Jacob and after the engine sounds had disappeared into the distance, he and Jacob were left alone once again.
“So, how about those hostage negotiations, Doc?” Jacob asked with a nudge of his chin towards the stairs and a cheeky grin.
Notes:
Let me tell you! I HATED the original designs for Bella's and Alice's dresses, they were really FUGLY. I didn't care for the one in the movie either 🤷♀️
So, sue me, I redesigned them. (please don't sue me SMeyer, vet bills are EXPENSIVE and you'll get pcket lint from me, it's not my fault the dresses were ugly!)
anyways....
Flirting! Tension! Ackwardness! Oh my! What else will our two lovers get up to... tune in next time to find out!
Chapter 27: Cerulean Oceans/Myrtle Woodlands
Notes:
Back at it again with more Jake/Carlisle scenes!
This has been one of my favorite chapters so far to write, so I hope y'all enjoy it!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Carlisle
He dipped his chin slightly as he stifled a laugh, “Yes, of course. After you, please.”
As they reached the office, Carlisle excused himself and stepped into the ‘bedroom’ space of the three rooms he called his own. There was his study, of course, and while there were many books in it, the adjoining space that was connected by an arch was a marvelous space for the majority of his books. Everyone called it his library, though everyone was welcome to its contents. On the opposite side of the study, there was a door that led to another room.
He hesitated to call it a bedroom as he was the only other Cullen to not have a bed of any sort. There was no need for it after all, so instead, there sat a pair of plush, tufted wingback chairs, their soft, velvety upholstery a deep, rich green, with a beautifully crafted coffee table between them, and atop it, an unfinished chess game, the intricately carved pieces frozen in mid-battle. Jasper liked to play with him every once in a while. The closet was the most function that he really got out of the room. Of course, Alice and Esme had insisted on making sure that it was an impressive sized closet, though it was the smallest closet in size in the whole house. But the prize he sought was hanging delicately on the closet door all by its lonesome.
Carlisle had taken it to be drycleaned in Vancouver at a reputable cleaner and made sure that any traces of his or any other family member’s scent had been removed. His instructions had been followed exactly, and the garment had been delivered in an airtight, odor sealing garment bag. That small selfish voice had wanted to ensure that the jacket smelled only of him, so that when Jacob wore it, it would remind him of Carlisle. But knowing how the vampires smelled to the wolves, it would be cruel to do that. So, instead he ensured it would be free of any of their offending scents. It was the kindest thing he could think of doing, given the situation. But he’d be a liar if he denied that on the way to Vancouver, he had allowed whim to take a hold of him and brought the jacket to his nose to inhale that earthy, and pine-like, home-like scent.
As Carlisle stood in the doorway to the office, his gaze was drawn to Jacob, who stood facing the window seat, engrossed in a journal. The descending sun cast its bright rays into the room, illuminating Jacob's features and rendering Carlisle momentarily breathless. The strong May sun coaxed a gentle blush from Jacob's skin, like the subtle sunspots that danced across the surface of the sun itself, adding a depth and warmth to his complexion. His downcast eyes left long shadows from the slope of his lashes, which reminded Carlisle of the intricate, swirling patterns of solar spicules and coronal loops that erupted from the sun's surface, a mesmerizing display of light and energy.
Carlisle's eyes lingered on Jacob, and he felt an overwhelming sense of wonder at the sheer radiance that emanated from him. Jacob seemed to embody the warmth and light of the sun, filling the space around him with an aura of comfort and vitality. Carlisle's thoughts turned poetic, and he couldn't help but think that if Jacob was the sun, then the beautiful, refracting light that would dance across his own skin was the love and light that Jacob brought out of him, like a kaleidoscope of diamonds or firelight that shimmered and glimmered in response to Jacob's presence. It was as if Jacob's very existence had awakened a deep well of emotion within Carlisle, and the light that reflected off of him was a manifestation of the joy and beauty that Jacob inspired.
Jacob seemed to sense him and looked over and Carlisle continued walking, lifting the garment bag, “I’ve got my hostage here.”
As a response, Jacob closed the journal and gently placed it on the settee and reached into his bag, pulling out the folded cerulean scarf with a grin, “What a coincidence, me too.”
“So, a future favor for a friend in exchange for my scarf back, huh? It almost seems unfair, as far as hostage negotiations go. You are my friend, Jacob, if you ever needed anything, all you ever needed to do is ask, no clothing theft necessary,” Carlisle said as he approached Jacob.
“Yeah, but then where would be the fun in that?” Jacob remarked with the same grin.
“Well, here’s your jacket. I had it dry cleaned,” he cleared his throat awkwardly, “I didn’t want to return it smelling like vampires, given how long it was in the house.”
“Oh,” Jacob said with mild panic, “Um, well, I didn’t… do that, dry cleaning it, I mean. I wanted to wash it for you too, but I honestly have zero clue about washing expensive fabrics and I didn’t want to damage it. Sorry.” He looked disappointed, but scrambled a smile unto his face and followed that by saying, “But thank you, for being so considerate. I’m starting to get used to it, I think, your smell. Well, not yours specifically, just the vampire scent in general, well—you know what I mean so I’m going to shut up now. Thank you, again.” His blush deepened.
“It’s quite alright, Jacob. I don’t mind in the slightest, nor did I expect you to go out of your way to launder it. I appreciate that you’ve kept it all this time, I’m sure the smell mustn’t have been pleasant,” he placated him sheepishly. Sheepishly because now, all he could think about was the fact that it had been in Jacob’s possession for nearly four months, and it might carry his scent now.
They exchanged items and Carlisle walked behind his desk to place the scarf on its perch. He turned as he heard the zipper of the garment bag and saw Jacob shake his myrtle green jacket free from its hanger. He wasted no time pulling it on. Was he leaving then? Items traded and now he’d be on his way? Carlisle did his best not to feel disappointed as he smoothed the cashmere fibers softly.
“Are you heading out now, then?” he asked, keeping the emotions from his voice.
Jacob tilted his head slightly, “I wasn’t planning on it, but if you have things to do then I don’t mind—”
“Oh. No, not at all,” he said quickly, “I thought since you were pulling on your jacket, you were preparing to leave.”
“Nah, I just know I’ll forget it again if I don’t have it on me, and I don’t want to just shove it in my bag after you went through all the trouble of getting it dry cleaned,” he shrugged.
“It was no trouble, really, just a courtesy I wanted to extend,” he reassured him.
“Right. Well, if you don’t have any plans or anything, I actually had some questions about your journal, or about your past, I guess.” He gestured to the journal on the settee.
“I don’t have any commitments; I’m at your disposal. What do you have questions about?” He motioned for Jacob to take a seat.
Jacob chose the settee, so Carlisle moved the chair by his desk closer to the window and allowed himself to relax into it.
“Oh yeah, well, it’s about when you turned, kind of. The entry you wrote about when you realized that your eyes had changed color and how you felt that you’d lost your humanity. How did you cope with that despair? With thinking that you’d lost it? How did you find it?” He asked this as he ran a hand over the journal that was once again in his hands.
“Ah,” a soft smile grew on his face, it seemed like Jacob hadn’t quite finished reading the journal, “it was certainly a shock. As you might remember, I was a pastor and after the initial bloodlust had been satiated… I struggled with my existence. I felt at odds with the world, with God. The clarity I had found after feeding on that deer had been tainted when I finally caught sight of my reflection. I remember thinking, ‘How could I even think that I could compare myself to a human hunter?’. The eyes were just the start to the downward spiral I allowed myself to fall into. It led me to find all the differences I had and find a way to demonize it.
“My marble-like skin, the way the hardened skin cells refracted the sunlight… the impossible strength I possessed that allowed me to strike the mountain base and break off masses without really trying… the inconceivable speed with which I’d scaled the same mountain before when I’d thrown myself from its peak… the unnatural beauty I seemed to have gained that would seduce any human to follow me to their death… all my teachings in the Church told me that I was a creature of evil now. An agent of Satan himself. Was Lucifer himself not the most beautiful angel of all? And did he not use his great power and beauty to tempt humans to sin and to lead them into damnation? Would the bloodlust use these curse-gained abilities to allow me to do the same?”
He paused and took a deep breath, taking the time to glance away from Jacob’s hands and up to his face. His eyes were closed, and his brows were slightly creased with concentration, as if he were trying to picture something.
“Those following months were terrible, to be honest,” he continued, “I would go into cycles where I would resist feeding and hunting until the hunger was a red-hot poker in my throat until I relented and hunted for wild game. The guilt would return as I washed myself of the blood in the riverbanks and I would catch my reflection again and the cycle would start again. I prayed and prayed in the cave I’d made into my living tomb; I prayed to God to release me from the Hellish existence, or for forgiveness for being weak every time that I hunted and drained one of His creatures of their lifeblood to sustain my own devilish existence. Eventually the prayers turned to rebukes as I, in turn, felt rebuked by His silence," Carlisle's voice cracked, the pain and anguish of those memories surfacing, even all these centuries later.
"I would scream at the heavens, demanding to know why He had abandoned me, why He had created me in His image, only to condemn me to walk the earth as a monster, forever bound to the shadows and shackled by my own bloodlust. I felt like Job, crying out for answers, but receiving only silence. And in that silence, I felt rebuked, rejected, and forsaken. I began to question His existence, to wonder if He was even real, or just a cruel joke played on humanity. I turned away from Him, away from the faith that had once sustained me, and I sought to reproach Him, to defy Him, as I felt He had defied me. I told myself that I would hunt, and I would feed, and I would revel in the darkness, just to spite Him, to prove to myself that I was still alive, still in control, even as I felt like I was drowning in my own depravity. But the guilt, oh, the guilt, it only intensified, a constant reminder that I was still a creature capable of remorse, still a soul trapped in this hellish existence. And so, the cycle continued; a never-ending spiral of self-hatred and recrimination, of begging for His mercy and then hating Him until one day everything seemed to slot into place.”
Jacob let his eyes drift open, and Carlisle could see unshed tears glistening in his eyes, and he whispered as if not trusting his voice to give away his emotions, “What happened?” He looked away and cleared his throat before continuing, “Sorry, I guess you can tell I didn’t finish the journal. I just started last weekend to be honest and… I don’t know, I guess I wanted to hear this from you. In person, I mean before I returned your journal today.”
“That’s alright, Jacob. No essay requirement, remember? I did not expect you to read every page, it was just something to reference, in case you had any desire to read a more detailed account of our last conversation. As for what happened, it was a simple thing really. Almost silly, reflecting on it now,” he mused, his voice almost slipping into the long, unused accent of his youth.
Jacob motioned for him to continue.
He thought about teasing the young man and telling him to read it for himself, just to get a rise out of him, but instead he continued narrating his story, unwilling to give Jacob any reason to leave a second sooner than he wanted to, “To minimize the overwhelming reproach I felt for myself, I had taken to cleaning the evidence of my hunting with my eyes shut. The many months I had inhabited the area allowed me to memorize the route to the river without trouble. So, I washed the remnants of blood off my person with shut eyes, but somewhere around a year and a half after my turning, my routine was disrupted. A rotting tree had fallen nearby as I cleaned my face and shocked my eyes open.
“I was prepared to be met by the same gruesome red eyes, but instead… amber eyes reflected looked back at me. No longer the red of monsters, but a topaz gold. Shimmering like tiger’s eyes. It shocked me. Froze me entirely. It must have been hours that I stood there, unmoving like stone, just contemplating my reflection. Something about that change seemed to remind me that in all those longs months, during the times that I resisted hunting and was nearly mad with hunger… during that madness, not once had I even entertained the idea of hunting a human. Instinctually, I knew that while the animal’s blood I drank satiated the bloodlust, it would not compare to the blood of the creature I once was, of humans. And yet, the instinct to find a stray person and drain them was only ever a worry when the guilt resurfaced after a hunt, never before, never in madness. It wasn’t until the sunrise that I allowed myself to look at the world, at myself, with different eyes, no pun intended.” Carlisle paused again and extended his hand, silently asking for the journal.
There was a passage that he wanted Jacob to listen to specifically about this realization. He flipped through the journal’s pages until he reached it and then returned it to Jacob with an almost inexistant smile. “There, read that there.”
He regarded the way that Jacob’s eyes raked across the words on the page, greedily taking the words. It was amusing and endearing the way he silently mouthed along with what he read. By no means was Carlisle an expert at reading lips, but he had a general idea of where Jacob was in the entry and suddenly was overcome with the need to recite aloud the words on the page, “Can it be that I am not forever bound to the darkness? That I may yet choose to walk in the radiance of virtue and compassion? This newfound hope, like a sunrise in my soul, illuminates the path ahead, and I vow to cling to it, to let it be the anchor that holds me fast to my humanity. For I see now that immortality is not a curse, but a gift—a chance to live a thousand lifetimes, to learn, to grow, and to make amends for any mistakes of my mortal past. I shall strive to be more than I was, to use this endless life to bring solace to the afflicted, to comfort the grieving, and to be a beacon of hope in a world oft shrouded in darkness. My eyes, once a symbol of my monstrous transformation, shall now be the emblems of my redemption, shining bright as a testament to the power of choice and the human spirit…"
The irony was not lost on Carlisle that he regarded Jacob like the sun that brought him new life, much like that sunrise had changed the course of his life more so than the transformation ever had.
He closed his eyes as he drifted off. The passage itself continued, of course. But those words, that vow was what tethered him to his humanity—hope. Carlisle had to admit; the writings that directly followed seemed like those of a beggar receiving alms from God Himself. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in God anymore, not all, he still held a quiet appreciation for God in his mind and heart, but he no longer aligned himself as religious. But he still agreed with the general sentiments that he’d written nearly three centuries ago: ‘And in this, I am convinced that I remain one of God's creatures, for He has seen fit to leave me with the one gift that sets us apart from all His other creations: my free will. He has not taken from me the power to choose, to love, to forgive, and to strive for goodness. In this, I see a glimmer of His mercy, a reminder that even in my darkness, I am not beyond the reach of His grace. I am still a child of God, still a being capable of moral choice, and still a soul worthy of redemption and salvation.’
As Jacob’s eyes finished reading the page he closed the journal again and sighed, “I think what I admire most about you, Carlisle, is your ability to believe and hope in the goodness of others. It’s inspiring to see where that stems from. But man, I do not envy you and Sam. Both of you had to endure the changes of your transformations alone, without guidance, alone with your self-reproach. Still, you found a way to hold on to your humanity and go beyond your instincts. If it were any other vampire that told me that they never tasted human blood, I’d call bullshit.”
“Thank you, Jacob. It certainly wasn’t effortless at first, but you’re right. Hope for betterment is certainly one of the key factors that drive me to be different from the rest of my kind, and to teach my family the same.”
He placed the journal next to him and looked at it for a moment more. “Out of curiosity, Doc,” so it was Doc again, was it? “who in your family struggled with the diet you proposed?” He held his hands up in a show of innocence quickly, “I’m not judging, just curious!”
Carlisle held back a smile as he considered the best answer, “Well, I guess that depends on what you mean by ‘struggle’. As you heard, Jasper wasn’t always with us, and his violent upbringing has made it more difficult for him to adapt to our way of living, so at first glance, it might seem like he’s struggled with it the most. But then again, there was a time that Edward rebelled against our way of life, back when it was just Esme, him and I. He was… frustrated and he rejected what I’d taught him, stating that I’d ‘curved’ his appetite and he left us for about a quinquennial—”
“A what?” Jacob interrupted, amusement clear in his voice, “Doc, use small words; remember that I don’t attend school nearly as much as I should.”
With a chuckle, he amended, “Sorry, about five years. In that time, he explored his own morality and let himself hunt humans, but only those who were amoral themselves— murderers, rapists, domestic abusers. His first victim was Esme’s ex-husband—” his breath caught as the words left his lips. He hadn’t meant to say that. As much as he enjoyed open discourse with Jacob for the sake of transparency, there were details that he didn’t share out of respect for his family and their privacy. His guard was lowered so completely that he hadn’t considered his words.
Carlisle cast a glance at Jacob, to gauge what to say next, but what Jacob said left him mildly shocked and impressed.
“Her ex-husband was abusive, right? I’d kind of put two-and-two together when you mentioned that she had a hard life, and then you mentioned that she and Rosalie run an organization to help abuse victims, right? Not too hard to see why they feel so strongly about it,” he explained with a shrug, “but they won’t hear that I know about it from me.”
“I appreciate your discretion. It’s not a secret, not necessarily, we just respect each other’s privacy as much as we can, given the mixed bag of gifts some of them have.”
“I get it,” he shrugged again. “But you were saying about Edward?”
“Yes. Well, as much as he wanted to believe that he was operating where the law left off, he couldn’t stomach the onslaught of their thoughts before they died. At first it was a punishment for allowing himself to destroy life, even if it were the worst people of society, but eventually he realized that it made no real difference and came back to us. Emmett is… unique in our family. He took to the change rather easily and accepted it almost instantly, but when he was, well younger I suppose, control didn’t come as naturally to him, but neither was the accompanying overwhelming guilt. He felt badly for the loss of life, but didn’t torture himself like Edward had or even Esme. But it’s been nearly seventy years since there was an incident, in large part because of his devotion and loyalty to the family and the consequences of biting a human due to the Treaty.
“Esme… well, she struggled with her own bloodlust when she first transformed. She was at odds with the violence of hunting, and I think it made it more difficult to control because of that. There were many times when she lost control, though I mainly blame myself for pushing her when she insisted that she wasn’t ready to be near people. Alice and Rose were the ones who’ve struggled less. One of Alice’s first visions was of our family and the future she was heading toward, so she developed her consciousness on her own with very little trouble. And all I will say about Rose’s journey is that she’s never tasted human blood.” Out of all of his children, Rosalie was the one he owed most to, given her vocal distaste of her circumstances after her transformation, so he did his best to keep her story as private as he could get away with.”
Jacob was nodding thoughtfully, “I see what you mean about defining ‘struggle’. Though I’m not that surprised about Emmett, to be honest. He seems like a big kid, like he just says the first thing that comes to mind before thinking about it. Some of my brothers are like that too. And speaking of which, I heard that he and Paul are getting along pretty well.”
“I’ve heard that too,” he quipped. "Though I also heard that Emmett might have accidentally upset Paul?”
“Huh? Oh, about losing? He’ll get over it,” he rolled his eyes, “he’s just really competitive. It’s good for his ego to lose from time to time.”
“Well, yes that too, but I meant about the phone,” he clarified.
Jacob cocked his head to the side, puzzled.
“You haven’t heard? Well, apparently Emmett was a bit… overzealous about setting up more competitions and was having trouble getting Paul on the phone because of his limited texting and talking minutes, so he bought a phone with a pretty extensive talk and text plan for him as a gift. And from what I heard, Paul was rather upset about it,” he explained apologetically.
“Ah. Yeah,” Jacob scratched the nape of his neck absent mindedly, “I can see why he was offended. I get that Emmett didn’t mean anything by it but, for us it seems like unwanted charity. Like pity money, you know? Especially from the rich, white Cullens.”
His tone made Carlisle tense up. He had an idea of where that stemmed but prodded further to confirm, “Can you explain that a little more?”
He sighed, “Look, it’s no big deal, it’s just… well, look at it this way— historically, my people have been forced to give up their land and live in poverty by the government, and that generally means white people, especially the rich ‘well meaning’ kind. And even though it’s the 21st century, people are still pretty backwards about a lot of things; we get called names and are looked down on by a lot of people and we know it. So, when rich white people see that we have financial issues or whatever and assume that we need or want their money, it feels like pity, and it has a tendency to piss us off because it’s kind of their collective fault that we’re in that position in the first place. So, yeah, I get why Paul would have taken offence to that. Maybe it would have been different if Emmett had asked first or offered before just handing him the phone and expecting gratitude or whatever.”
It shamed Carlisle that he hadn’t thought about how that might have been perceived. Especially since he had pretty much done the same not too long ago. He’d heard Edward telling Rose about Jacob’s project to build and repair his car, most likely to ingratiate her towards Jacob, which incidentally might have worked a little since she was impressed. Edward mentioned some of the pieces that Jacob was looking for and it set off an idea in his mind. He’d found a junkyard in Port Angeles that had pretty much everything that Jacob was looking for and more and had discreetly purchased items. Carlisle had definitely paid the owner enough to hold the items until such a time that Jacob could be persuaded to visit. Just an anonymous purchase. A gift.
“The same goes for Edward, by the way. Bella mentioned that you all don’t have a sense of what things really cost since you’re all so damn rich, but I don’t need anyone’s charity either,” Jacob continued. “I’m sure he told you, but he told Bella about a junkyard where I could find some pieces I needed, so went, only to find out that he’d purchased a bunch of things beforehand. The owner was even acting like I was some uppity person, calling me Mr. Black like I was some fancy business man, so I don’t even want to know how money he actually paid, but it wasn’t a nice surprise.”
He'd found a way to relay to Edward about the junkyard, being very careful with his thoughts so he wouldn’t give away that he’d purchased so many things so it made sense that he couldn’t have warned Bella beforehand. Carlisle had mentioned that Bella might like to help Jacob with a trip, since she had a mode of transportation, all to help Jacob without consideration for how he might receive it. He’d confirmed that the items had been picked up and some was told additional items were even added to his bill, not that he minded, of course. He assumed that this meant it was well received, but he could see that it’d had the opposite effect than what he intended.
But he never considered that Jacob would see it as pity money instead of a gift. It was careless to assume that. And his conscious wouldn’t let him hide something like that from Jacob.
“Actually, Jacob, I have to confess that it wasn’t Edward who purchased those items. It was me. It definitely wasn’t meant as pity either, I assumed you were just having trouble procuring the items because of other limitations, maybe time or scarcity of the items, but that’s no excuse. I didn’t think of how it may have been perceived… I’m so sorry that my actions made you feel like I saw you as inadequate or not enough, it really wasn’t my intention. It was a… thank you of sorts, I suppose, for sacrificing so much of your valuable time to spend with me and learning more about each other.”
It was the right thing to do, to tell him the truth, but the silence that followed felt like waiting for the guillotine blade to fall.
⁂
Jacob
His mind buzzed with a steady static, so much so that the revelation surely would have made him sway if he were on his feet. But instead, he blinked—once, then twice—as he processed the information, because what? What did Carlisle mean that he had been the one to purchase the parts? Warmth bloomed in his chest but he wasn't quite sure what emotion followed it. Was it annoyance, or tenderness? Did this change anything? Surely, it shouldn't, at least not dramatically so. Right?
Some part of him was still annoyed, much to his relief. Because it was a relief that despite the imprinting bond, he was still allowed to feel displeasure about things when it came to Carlisle. It reassured him that he wasn't a mindless slave to the bond and that he was still capable of putting his own feelings ahead of simply placating the vampire. But there was also genuine gratitude as well, more so than the begrudging kind he'd felt when he thought Edward was the one who'd done it.
It also dawned on him that he hadn't responded to Carlisle's statement yet.
"Oh, er, thanks?" Jacob said, feeling caught off guard, it also occurred to him that it'd sounded like a question. "I mean, I didn't mean to sound...I just wasn't expecting it, you know?" He trailed off, unsure of how to explain himself.
Carlisle held up a hand, his expression calm. "You don't need to apologize, Jacob. I didn't bring this up because I need you to make me feel better. My apology is just that - an apology. You can accept it whenever you're ready, or not at all if you don’t want to."
Jacob nodded, feeling a bit awkward. He knew Carlisle hadn't meant to upset him, and it wasn't like he thought Carlisle was trying to be condescending or anything. Even when he thought it was Edward who'd bought the parts, he didn't actually think it was a malicious thing. It was just...it felt weird. Like, countless other experiences of well-meaning people assuming he needed help or something because he was less than.
He took a deep breath and tried to explain. "It's not that I'm mad at you, specifically, or that you did anything wrong. It's just...sometimes it feels like people think we need their help, just because of who we are, and how we seem to them. Or rather I do, I suppose it’s not fair to lump in everyone else with my own feelings. And it's not about you, or what you meant to do. It's just my own stuff, I guess." He shrugged, feeling a bit self-conscious. "And yeah, the gift was really generous," too generous, "and I appreciate it. I just...I don't know, I never learned how to accept gifts from people without also accepting that it meant I was less."
"You could never be less, Jacob. And as your friend, I'll remind you of that as many times as you need me to," Carlisle countered quickly, with a sincere look in his eyes.
Those words spread bittersweetly through him, almost like a chill, like warmth that spread through his veins before being ushered away by the rising goosebumps on his skin. It was like hearing two melodies in his mind, discordant and clashing. Because on the one hand, hearing Carlisle tell him, again, that he was enough and confirming again that they are friends, and that he would remind Jacob as many times as was needed... it filled him with warmth and life and something that felt suspiciously like butterflies. But then again, that same confirmation that they were just friends flushed his body with despair and the butterflies were replaced by razors instead. A bitter voice in his head told him that each time Carlisle called him ‘friend’ those razor-winged butterflies would cut him. Death by a thousand little disappointments, a thousand papercuts that bled into a deep, unending wound…
Jacob gathered enough courage to nod and thank him for his reassurance, but he was too uneasy with the heaviness that had shrouded them again and was eager to change the topic. "I'll speak to Paul and—"
"I'm sorry," Carlisle said sheepishly, "for interrupting, but maybe it would be wiser for Emmett to be the one that speaks with him? After all, he's the one who offended Paul."
"Maybe, but Paul can be unnecessarily stubborn," he snorted, and continued under his breath, "at this point I think it's a prerequisite for being in the wolf pack." That garnered a laugh from Carlisle. Right, super vampire hearing. "But if you think that would be best, then I'll let you handle it. Honestly, the less I have to deal with the better."
Carlisle looked wearily at him then, like he could understand. And because it was Carlisle, Jacob truly believed he did.
After a long pause, he spoke up again, “We have our struggles with our own transformation, with what we are now. It’s not a secret, just something we know and acknowledge without wanting to admit it out loud. At least not in a meaningful way. As cool as shifting can be and as great as it’s been to be part of the pack, there’s downsides too. We have to be so careful with our emotions because too much of any emotion can trigger a shift. The joke is that we’re teenagers, so every emotion feels big and loud.” He could tell that he was starting to rattle on but kept talking nonetheless, and if it was to lessen the guilt that Carlisle would assign to himself for moving to Forks, then no one could blame Jacob for doing so.
“That’s why Sam thinks our bodies are aging up so quickly, to physically make us get past all the hormone fluctuations faster and keep us in our ‘prime’. I don’t remember if I told you already but Sam and the council think that based on the legends, as long as we continue to shift, we won’t age. Taha-Aki, the Chief I told you about, didn’t age after he and the wolf became one, at least until he stopped shifting to live his life with his third wife, and he would have been around two-hundred or so years by then!. That’s also—” he cut himself off this time, realizing that he was about to explain that the council theorized that this was the first case of imprinting that they could find. No need to hand Carlisle something else to curiously dissect when it could easily bite him in the ass. He cleared his throat, “That’s also a lot of rambling I did, sorry.”
“No, don’t apologize! That’s all very interesting. Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions?” Carlisle asked, curiosity bright in his eyes.
“Not at all, Doc, shoot,” he replied with a shrug.
He didn’t waste time doing just that. “You mentioned that your bodies are aging up, can you explain that to me? I admit I’m a little perplexed by that, given that my kind are frozen at our moment of transformation.”
“Oh, yeah, well I guess it is pretty strange. But we all started to notice that we started to, I don’t know, look different from our peers at school. We’re taller, for one, like we hit that final growth spurt in a couple of weeks instead of years. I was like five-six or seven last I checked and now I’m almost six-feet tall. Our muscles became more defined, like we just shed whatever baby fat we had left over, and even our faces, they seem more… I don’t know, defined? Mature? I mean, I’m sixteen but I think I could easily pass for a college grad now.”
Carlisle’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.
He blushed as his own words reached his ears. Was he really describing his bodily changes to Carlisle? But he had asked, and he was a doctor by profession, so it’s not like that was weird, right? It seemed impossible to make his words sound clinical and detached, because the last thing he wanted was to cause yet another awkward moment brought on by his inopportune and unconscious flirting. But he couldn't tell anymore where his own line in the sand should be. Because if they were friends, and they were, then he should feel comfortable joking and teasing Carlisle as he would with any of his friends, right? Because if it were Bella or Quil he was talking to, then there would have been inappropriate innuendos, and guffaws galore. The best thing to do now was to watch Carlisle’s expressions and gauge if he’d crossed a line that way.
“I have to admit, I didn’t think that you were so young. I thought you were a late-birthday senior and were eighteen and on your way to turning nineteen this year! But it certainly makes sense that your bodies would want to be their prime in order to better protect your lands. I’m also incredibly curious about your conditional immortality. I wonder… out of curiosity I’d tested some of my venom many years ago when chromosomal and genetic testing became available and I found that my kind have twenty-five chromosomes instead of the twenty-three that humans do. I wonder if as a wolf you have different chromosomes than when you’re in your human form. That could explain why it’s conditional instead of permanent immortality like we have…” he drifted off and appeared lost in thought before he shook his head slightly, “Sorry, I’m afraid that morbid curiosity is one of my flaws, and since I started learning medicine the genetics of the supernatural have been particularly fascinating to me.”
Jacob raised his palms, “Nothing to apologize for, Doc. Curiosity hardly seems like a flaw for a doctor to have.
The blonde doctor chuckled good-naturedly, “It seems we keep apologizing for things we don’t need to.”
He cocked his head to the side and recalled that he’d apologized for rambling not so long ago. Huh. So, it seemed that Carlisle didn’t mind his rambling. That was good to know, given that coherent thoughts seemed to jump out of the window when Jacob spent time with him. “So, we do. I suppose we should stop apologizing for such dumb things then, leave the apologies for things that actually warrant apologies then.”
“Yes, that seems like a good course of action.” He hesitated before continuing, “And I hope I’m not overstepping by giving some advice here, but if strong emotions seem to be a struggle, there are some techniques I could suggest that you might find useful. Our emotions can sometimes affect our thirst and I spent many years trying different things to help myself—and then my family—to manage those stronger, triggering emotions.” He waited, Jacob realized, for him to give his assent, so he nodded with a smile.
“The most basic wouldn’t really work with us, given that scents can aggravate our thirst, but deep breaths are important. It sounds cliché, I know, but it’s only part of the equation. That moment of pause when you’re inhaling can be detrimental to managing the emotion, and more importantly your control over it. There’s this technique called sensory grounding that’s particularly helpful, others called it the 5-4-3-2-1 technique because the goal is to identify five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. By doing that, you provide your mind a distraction from the stressor and allow your parasympathetic nervous system to kick in—that’s the system that helps your body relax and regulate your body’s base functions. It takes time to master, because it’s easy to forget to do it in times of intense emotion, but I found that by training your body to do it in minor stress inducing situations, your brain is more likely to remember to do it in high-stress situations too.”
Huh. Obviously, he’s heard of taking a deep breath, but that really never helped. It seemed to give him another second to get more upset and think about whatever had pissed him off or whatever, but Carlisle’s explanation seemed to make sense. If he only took a deep breath and didn’t change his thoughts, then it would make sense that he’d only focus on that emotion. But by giving his brain a distraction, he could regain some control. He’d have to try that next time Paul was being a dick and see if it worked.
“That does sound really helpful, thanks Doc. I’ll try it out and tell you if it works,” he nodded thoughtfully.
“It’s my pleasure. And you can keep my journal for longer, you might find some of the coping mechanisms I found helpful. If you’d like, I have some others that might be helpful too,” he stood up and walked to the bookshelf where his journals rested.
“Thanks,” he smiled, “I’ll take you up on that offer once I’m done with this one. I don’t think that I can do more than one journal at a time. Still not as fond of reading as you are, Doc. Might get an aneurism or something.”
A laugh burst from Carlisle’s lips that sounded like the wind rustling through birch branches and his heart stuttered at the beautiful sound. He’d never tire of hearing his laugh or seeing his smile. He looked away to hide the affection that was probably as clear as day on his face and noticed that it had gotten dark outside.
“Crap, what time is it?” He looked around for a clock and found one on the wall behind Carlisle. It was nearly eight. His dad was going to give him shit for coming home late, especially since he knew there weren’t any pack meetings he could blame his lateness on. He sighed, “I have to go.”
“Oh, yes, I suppose it is getting late. My offer of driving you back still stands. I can drop you off in Forks if that would make you more comfortable,” he proposed.
Jacob should say no. His original reasoning hadn’t changed since the hours he’d spent here. Though he’d exaggerated the truth a bit. It wasn’t so much that the council wasn’t aware of the evolving situation, as much as it was his dad wasn’t aware of it. Harry and Old Quil knew that they were all on speaking terms with the Cullens and had met with them all by now, and though they were apprehensive about that, they agreed that Billy shouldn’t be made aware of it until more concrete bonds with the Cullens were made. Something that was indisputable proof that even he couldn’t deny. So, he should absolutely say no, thank you, walk into the woods, put his clothes in his backpack, shift, and run home. Without a doubt that was the smarter thing to do.
So, of course, the next words out of his mouth were, “Actually, I’d appreciate it. Thank you, Carlisle.”
Because he wasn’t smart. He was a love-sick puppy that wanted to extend his time with his unknowing mate as long as he could.
The smile that Carlisle gave him in return was worth any possible outcome really.
Notes:
Alright, alright... soooo don't be mad at me but I'm going to go back to posting once a month!
Life has been super busy and it's only going to get busier because...*SURPRISE* I got engaged!!!
eeeeeek!!!
So, I'm having to devote more free time to wedding planning since we're planning for a short engagement, so with that news out of the way...
I feel like a reminder is due. This is a slowwww burn, we're talking slow-cooker on low for hooouuuurs. But we're almost there y'all, thank you so much for sticking with me and this crazy story.
See y'all in June!
Chapter 28: Cello Concerto in E Minor, Op. 85
Chapter Text
Jacob
He paused before stepping into Carlisle's sleek, black Mercedes, the warm night air a stark contrast to the chill that radiated from the car's interior. As he slid into the passenger seat, he was immediately enveloped in scent that made his heart stutter and he found himself resisting urge to take a deep breath to further sink into its intoxicating embrace. It was Carlisle's scent—because of course it was— imbedded into the very leather of the seats, boxed in and reminding him exactly why this was a terrible idea. But his scent; it was so much more than any scent he’d detected on anyone. It was the crisp, clean aroma of the Washington forests, the pine and fir trees that stretched towards the sky, their needles carpeting the forest floor. It was the sharp, tangy smell of juniper trees, their berries scattered like jewels amidst the undergrowth. It was the earthy, damp scent of moss clinging to the bark of ancient trees, and the bright, salty tang of the ocean air from First Beach.
Every inhale was like stepping back into the wild woods and uninhabited beaches of La Push, the place that had always been his home, his sanctuary. But this was different. This was Carlisle, and being this close to him, with no way out, surrounded by his scent, was doing strange things to Jacob's resolve. His biology sang a song he couldn't ignore, a song that spoke of destiny and belonging, of being meant for someone. For him.
Jacob's hands tightened into fists as he fought the urge to reach out, to touch Carlisle, to press his face into the crook of his neck and breathe him in. The leather seat beneath him was cool and smooth, a grounding sensation that helped him focus on something other than the storm of emotions raging inside him. ‘Well, what do you know?’ he thought. That grounding stuff Carlisle was talking about wasn't half wrong. It also turned out that in certain situations, Jacob couldn't take deep breaths either. How's that for irony?
He could see Carlisle's profile in the dim light, the strong line of his jaw, the high cheekbones, the full lips pressed into a thin line as he settled into the driver’s seat and turned to face him.
"You okay, Jacob?" Carlisle's voice was soft, concerned, pulling Jacob from his thoughts. Jacob nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He could feel Carlisle's gaze on him, warm and intense, but he kept his eyes fixed straight ahead, afraid of what he might see if he looked into those golden eyes.
The car purred as Carlisle turned the engine over. He began to wind through the unmarked road, the engine a low, soothing rumble that filled the silence between them. The silence was suddenly disrupted as the window beside him began to roll down and the fresh night air flooded the car’s cabin in a rush. He whipped his head to the now open window and then to Carlisle in confusion.
“You looked uncomfortable, I’m sure my scent is quite strong in closed quarters, especially since it’s the car I use for daily commuting. I figured some fresh air might help,” he smiled sheepishly.
He wasn’t wrong, not really, the fresh air did help alleviate the yearning he felt was constricting his lungs. Yes, he was uncomfortable—because yes, his scent was everywhere— but it wasn’t for the reason that Carlisle was thinking. Jacob almost felt guilty that Carlisle thought he found his scent unpleasant, but it was a necessity. While he didn’t want to outright correct the vampire, Jacob didn’t want him to feel uneasy either.
“Thanks, Doc, but it’s not you. It’s your fancy-ass car,” he forced a laugh, “you have to remember that I’m working on my car’s engine because it’s older than I am. I feel like just being in your car is lowering its resale value,” he joked. That wasn’t entirely a lie, he also did feel weird being in such a new and expensive car. He hadn’t had too much mental wherewithal to care about that last time he’d been in the car, but he was worried that if he grasped the panic bar too hard, he’d break it or something!
"Jacob, I know you're just joking, but it's hard to hear you talk about yourself that way," he said softly, his voice filled with sincerity. "You have this amazing talent, and you work so hard at what you do. It's inspiring to watch, really. I wish you could see what I see when I look at you. You're not just some guy working on an old engine; you're creating something special, something that comes from your passion and your skill. And that's something to be proud of, not to make light of." 0Carlisle looked away from the road and looked at Jacob. "You don't have to do anything to prove your worth, Jacob. You're already worthy, just as you are. And I hope you know that I value our friendship, and I value you. So, please, don't put yourself down like that. You deserve better, and I want you to see that. That means treating yourself better too, I won’t have you disrespecting my friend like that." His voice was warm and friendly, his eyes filled with… something. Jacob let himself pretend it was genuine affection that went beyond mere platonic concern. "You're one of the good ones, Jacob. Don't ever forget that."
Jacob looked at Carlisle, a mix of gratitude and amusement in his eyes. He chuckled softly, trying to lighten the mood while still acknowledging the sincerity of Carlisle's words. "Thanks, Doc. I appreciate it more than you know," he said, his voice genuine. "I guess it’s just easy to get a little too hard on myself sometimes. It's like I'm my own worst critic, you know? But hearing you say all that... it means a lot. Really."
He paused, a playful smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. "And who knows? Maybe one day I'll build an engine so awesome that it'll make your fancy car look like a rust bucket. Then you’ll be asking to have a Jacob Black original, and maybe I’ll give you the friends and family discount if you ask nicely." Jacob winked, his humor defusing the serious moment while still allowing the sincerity of Carlisle's words to sink in. "But seriously, thanks. It's good to have a friend like you who keeps me grounded and reminds me of the good stuff, instead of just letting me keep talking shit about myself, I guess."
"I have some CD's in the glove box, if you'd like to listen to some music," Carlisle offered, nodding in the general direction of the glovebox, gracefully changing the subject.
Jacob stole glances at him, taking in the way his hands, strong and elegant, gripped the steering wheel. The way his shirt sleeves were rolled up, revealing forearms dusted with a light smattering of hair. His heart sang with want to be closer. Maybe he should have stuck his head out of the window, he thought wryly. But he pushed through the desire to do anything foolish and opened the glove box. There were two binders, lit dimly by the glovebox’s light. and he unzipped the first one, whistling as he flipped through sleeves after sleeves full of CD’s, “Doc, we need to talk about your definition of ‘some’. There has to be at least a hundred CD’s here! And something tells me the other one is just as full.”
Carlisle smiled in a way that suggested that if he could blush, he might have been doing just that. “What can I say? I’ve had a lot of time on my hands to develop good taste in music,” he answered with a shrug.
“Alright, Doc, I’ll be the judge of that. What’s your favorite CD in your collection?” Jacob challenged with a grin.
“I don’t know that you’d agree with my particular favorite, it certainly isn’t the only genre of music that I enjoy, but I’ll explain why I enjoy it so much as it plays. Flip to the eighth sleeve, top left, it should say Elgar Cello Concerto.”
“Of course it’s classical music,” he chuckled with a good-natured eyeroll, but placed it in the CD player and waited.
Jacob leaned back in his seat, his arms crossed over his chest, a skeptical expression on his face as the first notes of the cello concerto filled the car. He had always thought classical music was for old people, something stuffy and boring that had no place in his world. But as the cello's deep, mournful sound echoed through the air, he found himself unable to dismiss it as easily as he had expected.
The music started with a slow, haunting melody, the cello's voice rising and falling like a wave, its tone rich and resonant. It sounded like the heartache of a thousand years, the sorrow of a love lost, the pain of a world that had moved on without you. Jacob felt a shiver run down his spine, the hairs on his arms standing up as the music seemed to wrap around him, pulling him in, drawing him deeper into its embrace.
“I first heard this piece at its first performance in America. It was 1922, in New York at Carnegie Hall. It was just Edward, Esme, I at the time, and I’d seen advertisements for it. Esme had been…struggling with her thirst and didn’t feel comfortable being a concert hall filled with so many people, especially since she was still a newborn. Edward was kind enough to stay with her so I could attend the symphony. I was taken with the beautiful sounds of the cellist’s bow across the strings and the very emotions it seemed to evoke,” he started softly, being careful not to talk over the music.
Jacob tried to resist, to hold stubbornly to his belief that this music was not for him, that it was too old, too formal, too... everything he wasn't. But as the orchestra joined in, the strings weaving a tapestry of sound around the cello's mournful cry, he found himself captivated, unable to turn off the sweeping emotions that flowed through him.
“This was the last major work of Elgar and though when I heard it, I was captivated, it couldn’t compare to the next time I had the opportunity to see this piece played live. It was 1963 and we were living in London at the time. I’d convinced Esme and Edward to accompany me to enjoy the performance they’d missed all those years ago and from the moment Jacquline du Pré played the first note… I was utterly entranced.” Carlisle continued.
The music swelled and ebbed, its emotions raw and powerful, its beauty stark and unforgiving. It sounded like the wind howling through a deserted landscape, like the tears of a broken heart, like the cry of a soul in torment. And yet, amidst all the pain and sorrow, there was a sense of hope, a glimmer of light in the darkness, a promise that even in the deepest despair, there was still a chance for redemption, for healing, for love.
“When I first heard it, it was beautiful, powerful, but there was something missing. It was like the music was there, but the soul was missing.” Jacob snuck a glance at Carlisle’s expression as he talked, the golden eyes almost alight with warmth in the darkness. “She was so young, so full of life and passion. When she played, it was like the music came alive in a way I had never experienced before. Every note was infused with her spirit, her emotion, her natural talent. She took the same notes I had heard decades earlier and transformed them into something more. More passionate, more melancholy, more hopeful, more… raw. It was as if she was pouring her heart out through the cello, and the audience could feel every beat, every tear, every joyful moment."
Jacob felt his own heart ache, his eyes stinging with deep emotion as the music seemed to speak to him, to reach into his soul and resonate, to sing in perfect harmony the love and pain and joy that was his journey of discovering his feelings for Carlisle. He had never heard anything like it, never felt anything like it, never known that music could be so powerful, so profound, so... alive.
“It was a transformative experience, Jacob. It reminded me that music isn't just about the notes on the page; it's about the soul of the performer, the emotions they bring to the piece. Jacqueline du Pré's performance of this concerto will forever be one of the most profound musical experiences of my life, and that’s why this is my favorite piece. This is a recording of Jacqueline du Pré’s performance two years later with the London Symphony Orchestra.”
As the final notes faded away, Jacob turned to look at Carlisle, who had turned the volume down as the next movement began. “A decade after I first heard her play, she was performing what would be her last public concerts due to her progressing illness. Despite the fact that we had relocated to Canada, I took the risk of being recognized and flew back to London to hear her one last time. It was just as beautiful and breathtaking. Despite her struggles, her emotions rang through the air with just as much passion as they had a decade earlier. Her performance of this piece, as well as others, are a reminder of the perseverance of human nature, an indelible record of hope and passion in the face of adversity.” He licked his lips nervously as he met Jacob’s eyes, “So, what did you think?”
“I—” he didn’t know what to say. The music by itself was moving but combined with Carlisle narrating his own reasons for loving the piece so much, and the sound of his voice, soft and sweet, layered on top of it…it was transcendence. He wanted to sidestep the question by answering with a half-truth and follow it with a joke to change the subject. But he couldn’t. It seemed stupid to say it aloud, but there was something profound about that piece that he couldn’t shake, so he blinked a couple of times and said, “It’s a beautiful piece, I can see why you like it so much. I never thought that classical music could be so… impactful. I just thought it was old, white people music, y’know? And this doesn’t mean I’ll start to listen to it, but… it certainly challenged my assumptions about it.”
“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed it,” he replied with a soft smile.
Jacob wanted to drag out the conversation, to keep talking with Carlisle about anything and everything, but they were on the highway now, just passing the first gas station before the Forks welcome sign, just before the turn off for La Push. Their time was up.
“Where can I drop you off?” Carlisle asked, looking ahead. It might have been Jacob’s imagination, but he seemed to be gripping the steering wheel tighter than before. He probably felt guilty or something equally ridiculous about not being able to take him closer to home or directly there.
“Oh, um, you can pull over just ahead of La Push Road. I’ll just phase once I’m further in the forest and run home.” He pointed to an area just ahead of the road.
Carlisle did as he was told but turned to look at him with hesitation, “I know you’re capable of going by yourself, but maybe someone could come pick you up? I just hate to think that you’re going to running for so long, especially since it’s late. It’s nearly twice the distance you ran earlier…”
“Yeah, but this time I’m doing the trip as a wolf. Trust me, it won’t take nearly as long. I did mention that I ran to Canada in a day, right? When we do patrols we run at least the distance I’m covering now. It’s really no trouble, Doc,” he said to try to placate his worries.
“Well… if you’re sure,” Carlisle said at last.
As he nodded and unclipped his seat belt, he said, “I am. And thank you for today. I had fun.”
“Oh! That reminds me.” Carlisle exclaimed before he opened the door, “Alice saw that next weekend there’s going to be a thunderstorm in town. We were thinking about taking the opportunity to play some baseball and we wanted to invite the pack to play, if you’d like to. Edward is planning to invite Bella too. What do you think?”
“Vampire baseball? Sounds like fun. I already know that Paul is going to say yes, if only to try to beat Emmett. So, count the two of us in, and I’ll let you know what the rest of them say?”
“Of course. In that case, I will see you next week,” he said with a smile.
“See ya then, Doc. Goodnight,” he waved as he exited the vehicle, glad for the fresh air. He’d almost been tempted to reach out and… what? Offer a handshake, a hug, something even more embarrassing?
“Goodnight, Jacob. And please let me know when you make it home safe. I’d rather not worry,” he requested.
“Sure, sure, Doc. I’ll send you a text,” he rolled his eyes and waved again before closing the door.
As he headed into the depths of the trees, he briefly glanced back. Of course, Carlisle was going to wait for him to disappear into the trees. ‘What a worrywart,’ he thought fondly.
⁂
Carlisle
The drive back was every bit as maddening as the trip to drop Jacob off, but for a different set of reasons. For one, his scent was once again imbedded into the enclosed air, but now he wasn’t here. It took a surprising amount of effort to not turn around and demand to drop Jacob off at his house, damn the Treaty. Because even though he knew that he was more than capable of taking care of himself, Carlisle needed to ensure that he was safe. He was almost as bad as Edward!
But no. He restrained himself because Jacob would surely disagree on the basis of the Treaty and because he’d probably see that as pity too. He would respect Jacob’s independence and be more mindful of his actions. And yes, he also restrained himself because he would not give the council or the pack a reason to distrust his family.
It took him a lot less time to get home than it had to drop off Jacob. If he followed all traffic laws to squeeze more time with Jacob, then it was no one’s business but his own. It was also no one else’s business if he stayed a while longer in the car to let himself savor Jacob’s lingering scent. It wasn’t until he received Jacob’s text, confirming that he’d made it home that he went into the house.
Alice and Jasper had absconded to a cabin they owned in British Columbia after the dance had ended and Edward didn’t come home until the early hours of the morning, somewhere around three. Those silent hours in between had been conducive, allowing him the time to emotionally reset.
When Edward arrived his expression was unreadable, even to Carlisle.
“Son? Is anything the matter?” he prodded gently, as he sat opposite to him in the living room.
“I don’t know…” he answered uncertainly, “Bella and I had an argument at the dance. I went hunting after.”
“Arguments are perfectly normal, but I’m sure it wasn’t pleasant, nonetheless. Did you want to talk about it?” he offered knowing that it must have been a substantial argument if he’d gone hunting after.
He remained silent for a long while and Carlisle offered silent comfort until he was needed.
Finally, his posture relaxed infinitesimally. “She asked me about our future together. If I wanted a future together—long-term,” he scoffed indignantly, “as if I could stay away from her, as if I could want anything else. I thought it was just her human insecurities rearing their head, but…,” he hesitated, clearly holding back some frustration or trepidation; which of the two, Carlisle wasn’t sure, “Carlisle, she asked me if I would turn her.”
He hadn’t expected that answer.
“Neither had I,” Edward muttered darkly, responding to his unvoiced thoughts.
“What happened next?” Carlisle asked.
“I told her that I wouldn’t damn her soul! You know how I feel about this Carlisle, and you know that I bear you no ill will for turning me at my mother’s behest… but I can’t do that to Bella. She’s too good and pure to be damned, or whatever the hell we are. But she’s determined to make the worst decisions when it comes to me. I’ve accepted that I love her and that I don’t have the strength to stay away. Despite being a monster, she chooses to stay with me too, and now she asks for the one thing above all that I can’t do. That I refuse to do. She dismissed my reasons without thinking, telling me that she knows that I have a soul, so my argument was invalid. Why is she so determined to be with a monster, but now just as determined to become one too?” he growled exasperated.
Carlisle took a moment to gather his thoughts.
“Son, I know that it’s a sore topic with you, but you had to know that it would come up sooner than later. From what I’ve gathered about Bella, she’s incredibly independent and seems to have had some semblance of a plan for her future. It’s perfectly normal for her to want to adjust her plans accordingly to a major life change, and I’d say that falling in love with a vampire qualifies as just that. I would agree that waiting would be prudent, at least until we have a better relationship with the pack, and we can fully dissolve the Treaty. Did you tell her this?” he asked gently.
“No. I wanted to speak to you first. I didn’t want to make things worse,” he answered despondently.
“Well, that should give you some more time once you tell her. You should ask Jacob or Sam if Bella’s been made aware of all that the Treaty entails and ask for permission to tell her if she hasn’t. But Son, you have to know that it’s not a permanent solution. If she truly feels strongly about this then the Treaty will only hold her back for so long. She’ll ask you to turn her after it’s dissolved, and if you’re unwilling to change your mind about this, then you need to consider other options, or at least consider where she’s coming from so you can better understand her reasoning,” he said.
He merely nodded silently as his brow furrowed in concentration. After another long silence, he said, “Thank you, Carlisle. I’ll…think about it.” He looked around for a moment before turning his attention back to him and asking quietly, “How was your afternoon with Jacob? Do you want to talk about it? I can’t imagine that it was comfortable for you.”
Carlisle was under no illusions that this meant that Edward would change his mind, but he respected that he would at least consider listening to Bella; so, he let it drop and accepted the change of topic.
“It was fine. And not as difficult as I expected. I couldn’t quite keep the guilt of keeping him from his… well, from the lucky young lady that’s captured his attention, but he seemed to enjoy his time here, so it helped. I’d debated on airing out the house for your and your siblings’ benefit, but I couldn't quite bring myself to do so, sorry,” he winced slightly.
Edward smiled wryly, “It’s fine, I know that his scent is different for you. Do you have any theories on why?”
Carlisle knew that Edward was aware of at least some of his theories but appreciated that Edward was giving him an opportunity to discuss them.
“I have some, but each are as unlikely as the next. My most promising one is that his blood ought to have a similar effect on me as Bella does to you, or that the poor woman had on Emmett all those years ago, but that his wolf physiology counteracts the majority of it, leaving behind a lovely scent that isn’t too powerful in terms of igniting my thirst nor predatory revulsion,” he explained.
“That doesn’t sound unplausible. Why do you have reservations about that theory in particular?” Edward asked confused.
“I’m not sure.” He folded his hands together lightly on his lap, relaxing, “You mentioned that there is a floral quality to Bella’s scent, but it’s more than that. Beneath it, you can still smell her blood, and its potency is what calls to you specifically, not just her natural scent. But it seems different with Jacob’s scent. I can smell his blood, obviously, but it’s no different in its strength to any other person to me.”
“Maybe it’s simply that your endurance is so strong that it doesn’t register. I don’t know of any other vampire who could treat open wounds, much less complete surgeries without struggling. And it’s second nature to you now,” Edward offered.
“Perhaps you’re right,” he agreed with a smile. In any case, Jacob’s scent was dangerous for other reasons. His control, which has been carefully cultivated over the past three centuries, was tested to its limits when he spent too much time with Jacob. Not in a way that was dangerous to Jacob, at least not physically, but in a way that would surely devastate the careful balanced life and tenuous friendship they were building with the wolves.
But that wasn’t something he wanted to discuss and changed the direction of the conversation just as swiftly as Edward had done.
“I’m sure Alice told you, one way or another, about the possibility of a thunderstorm next weekend. She asked me to invite the pack, and Jacob’s been made aware. He’ll let us know who will come.”
Edward took a moment to respond, likely trying not to respond to the train of thoughts that he was privy to, but then he smirked, “I hope they’ll join us. Might make for an interesting game.”
⁂
On Monday, Jacob had confirmed that almost everyone was on board, but that he’d confirm by Wednesday at the latest. He’d mentioned something about ‘stubborn assholes’ so he chastised Emmett for his part in angering Paul and encouraged him to apologize and personally invite him to the game.
By the end of the day on Tuesday, it seems that all the wolves have accepted the invitation to play—with Paul’s stipulation that the pack gets to captain one of the teams. To avoid separating into teams of all Cullens or all pack members, Carlisle agreed to let them captain a team, as long as the captains agree to pick from both the Cullens and the pack.
“Oof, Doc, way to take the easy way out,” Jacob laughed over the phone.
“What do you mean?” he questioned, tilting his head to the side curiously.
“Well, if it was the pack versus your family, we’d clearly kick your ass.” Carlilse could practically see the grin that Jacob must surely be sporting.
“Oh, and here I thought I was being fair by giving you the opportunity to build a team that actually stands a chance at winning,” he teased back.
A loud laugh came through the receiver, “It’s like that? You’re so on, Carlisle!”
“Likewise, Jacob,” he grinned back. “But really, I think that by allowing us the opportunity to cooperate with each other instead of playing completely against each other, we’re more likely to pave the way for a better relationship between us, don’t you think?”
“Sure, sure, Doc. I believe you. It’s not that you’re afraid to get your butt kicked by teenagers! Totally believe you,” Jacob baited him.
“Hey, I’ll remind you that most of my children are still technically teenagers!” he defended with a chuckle.
“Uh, no, Doc. All your kids are at least, what? Seventy, eighty years old?”
“Well, if we’re going by those standards, yes, they’re certainly older than teenagers. But only Emmett and Esme were in their twenties when they were turned. So, technically, the rest of them are physically teenagers,” he concluded. “And, didn’t you also say that your bodies have changed to accelerate you to your prime? Physically that makes you all older than almost everyone in my family!” he added triumphally.
“Okay, fine, you win!” he exclaimed with amusement, “We’ll do mixed teams. We’re still kicking vampire ass one way or another. Where are we meeting?”
“We can meet at our house, and we’ll lead you to the clearing. We’re taking Emmett’s Jeep in case Bella decides to join us, so feel free to drive or shift, whatever works for you.”
“Okay, we’ll meet around five?” he clarified.
“That’s fine, we’ll have plenty of time to get there and choose teams before the storm. That and it gives us plenty of time before sunset,” he agreed.
“Actually, I have a stupid question,” Jacob said suddenly.
“Yes?”
“Why are we playing baseball in the middle of a thunderstorm? Baseball and mud don’t seem like they go well together.”
Carlisle chuckled, “We won’t actually be playing in the storm. The storm is supposed to pass us and hit town. As to why it’s important… don’t you have a guess as to why?”
Jacob made a vague ‘I dunno’ sound.
“Then I suppose you’ll have to wait and see,” he teased.
“Fine be like that,” Jacob complained, clearly pouting on the other side of the line.
“You’re smart, you’ll figure it out,” Carlisle said knowingly.
Silence started to stretch out as neither seemed to know what to say next.
“Cool, so I guess I’ll—we’ll— see you then,” Jacob said.
“I’ll see you then,” he answered before hanging up.
Notes:
If it isn't obvious, this *is* one of, if not my all-time, favorite songs/pieces and it fit so well that I just needed to add it in! It was kind of serendipitous that the timeline matched around the time Carlisle had turned Esme too, so I just had to!
I think the juxtaposition of Carlisle explaining how Jaqueline added *more* to the piece, life and soul as it were, while he feels the same about Jacob entering his life was just *chef's kiss*
It was surprisingly challenging writing down what the first movement feels like to me in a way that was moving and engaging, so I hope I did it justice; it's definitely worth listening to.
Also... VAMPIRE BASEBALL? *supermassive black hole starts playing in the distance* HELL YEAH BABY, Y'ALL ARE NOT READY FOR THIS!
Chapter 29: Brace for the Storm
Notes:
I *almost* named this chapter Supermassive Black Hole in honor of the amaizing song choice for the original scene, but it seemed a little too on the nose.
I hope everyone enjoys this shorter chapter!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Carlisle
The rest of the week seemed to fly on swift wings as much as it seemed to tread through mud, but soon enough it was Saturday and still, Carlisle was counting down the hours until he could see Jacob again. Though it certainly wasn’t just that. The thought of playing with the pack was exciting, a novelty, and the whole house was buzzing with excitement. Even Rose seemed to be warily interested, but there was a smug look to her smile that made him cautious.
She hadn’t been too thrilled to hear that she’d have to choose from the pack for her team, as captain, but after a conversation with Esme and Emmett she seemed to have accepted the caveat. That could only mean that they were planning something, but Carlilse knew his children wouldn’t intentionally cause problems for them, so he left them to their machinations.
Apparently, sometime between Emmett’s arm-wrestling challenge with Paul and prom night, Jasper started communicating with Sam on a semi-regular basis and a tenuous friendship had started to form there too. Though Jasper had been one of the most vocal in his opposition of their family and the pack beginning communications, he wasn’t stubborn like Rosalie and had quickly come to appreciate that the Quileutes weren’t either. He appreciated, more than most, the capacity of change, and had wanted to really give himself the opportunity to socialize with them.
Carlisle imagined that it was easier to socialize with Sam than it was with most people, given that he most certainly wasn’t affected by his blood. It made him smile warmly at the thought. He hoped that by allowing himself to spend time with others outside of the family, it would help him realize that his self-control wasn’t as weak as he believed it was.
All of this to say, it didn’t come as a surprise when it was Jasper that communicated that the Quileutes were on their way.
Edward was on his way to retrieve Bella from her home too. He quietly reminded his remaining children to behave—half-chiding, half-joke.
“Oh,” Alice blinked several times, “Edward and Bella are going to meet us at the field, it seems. Charlie is going to ask to speak to him privately, to thank him for being respectful of her curfew on prom night and to apologize for his initial reaction. He's just being a good dad, making sure Bella is in good hands.”
Supposedly, Bella had failed to inform her father that she’d be attending prom, much less attending with Edward, so when he’d gone to pick her up to get ready with Alice, Charlie had been borderline rude and dismissive of Edward. Not that Edward minded, of course, if anything it made him respect the man more for being a good father and wanting to look out for his only daughter. Bella, apparently, did not share the sentiment and had been quite embarrassed. It made for an amusing story the way Edward had recounted it, but Carlisle was glad that Charlie was seemingly giving Edward a chance and trusting him to take care of his daughter.
The distant sound of a rumbling engine caught his attention.
It seemed like the pack had arrived.
Before he could, once again, remind his children to behave, Esme beat him to the punch.
“Behave,” she warned her siblings, narrowing her eyes when her gaze reached Emmett’s, who, of course, lifted his hands in a show of innocence that didn’t meet the gleam in his eyes.
Carlisle opened the door as the old blue pick-up ground to a stop in the gravel in front of the house. Paul immediately jumped out of the truck’s bed and Emmett barreled out of the house past Carlisle to tackle him to the ground, but Paul jumped out of the way.
“You have to be faster than that, asshole,” he greeted him with a grin as they clasped hands dramatically.
“Oh, you are so going down!” Emmett grinned back.
“Ugh, I’m married to a child. Absolute idiots,” Rosalie complained with a roll of her eyes as she approached the door.
“You love me!” Emmett called back with a wink.
“I’m debating that now,” she grumbled with no venom in her voice.
“Liar,” Alice laughed as she passed her to stand next to Carlisle in the front drive.
Embry and Quil laughed as they jumped out too. The former snorted, “Nah, Rosalie has a point, Paul is definitely an idiot. Jury’s out on Emmett.”
Paul turned and swiped at him, managing to grab his arm and twist it behind his back with a mostly non-threatening grin, “What was that, Call?” Embry struggled against him and with his free hand started to claw at his face to get free.
An exasperated sigh followed as the rest of the pack started laughing and choosing sides. “Cut that shit out,” said Sam as he climbed out from the driver’s side of the truck, “or the Cullens will think you really are idiots.”
“Too late,” Jared said with another laugh as he exited the truck’s cabin.
But Alice and Emmett were laughing too, and even Jasper had a grin as he nodded in greeting at Sam. Esme had looped her arm in Rose’s as she joined them on the driveway with a gracious smile, and even Rose had a hint of a smile, thought it might have been a smug smirk.
Carlisle was smiling too.
But he was smiling for a completely different reason.
Jacob was still on the truck bed, laughing fully and freely, head tilted back, and it was a wondrous sight to see. Paul finally let Embry go with a playful shove after Sam leveled him with a look.
“I’m sorry for their behavior,” Sam said dryly, “I’d say that they’re usually better behaved but that would be a lie.”
“Aw, c’mon, Sam, we’re not that bad,” Jacob quipped as he finally exited the truck with a graceful leap. He met Carlisle’s gaze and smiled with a nod.
Quil snorted, “Yeah, we are. You haven’t been lying to Carlisle and telling him otherwise, right?”
“You know what, you’re right Quil, you guys are idiots, but I’m not afflicted by the same stupidity that hit you all like the plague, so why don’t you shove your opini—”
“Alright, Jake, that’s enough,” Sam interrupted with a roll of his eyes.
Quil, and Embry sniggered.
And Carlisle continued to smile.
Because it was refreshing to see them at ease in front of his family when previously they had been so severe.
“Edward and Bella will meet us at the field shortly; shall we head out?” Carlisle proposed.
“Sure, let’s go,” Sam nodded and motioned for Carlilse to lead the way.
As they started to move towards the direction of the field, they slowly broke into smaller groups. It would have been easier to just run there, but there would be time for that during the game, for now, both parties were happy to just walk there and get to know each other a little bit better.
Predicably enough, Rose and Emmett were walking with Paul, and it seemed that even Rose was enjoying their banter despite her earlier statements. She even interjected or commented every so often, though it seemed she did so only to insult them, Paul seemed to understand that this was just how she was and returned every one of her barbs, to the amusement of Emmett.
Embry and Quil were a little more tense as they walked with Esme and Alice but slowly started to relax until they were curiously inquiring about Alice’s ability and asking her all sorts of questions. Soon enough, the four of them were excitedly sharing stories too.
Jasper was walking with Sam and Jared and though they weren’t teasing or laughing, there seemed to be respect and general awe as they shared stories, Jasper of his time with Alice before they found the rest of the family and some edited stories of his time with Maria, and Jared and Sam shared some of the tribe’s history prior to Washington being colonized.
And that left Carlisle and Jacob.
“You ok, Doc?” he asked, waving his hand in front of his face with a wry smile.
“Yes, sorry. I’m just relieved that everyone is getting along. After our last meeting, I wasn’t sure that they would,” he shook his head slightly.
“Well, you can hardly blame them. It was so… stuffy and official. I mean I get it, it was a new, first-time thing, but geez. You and Sam really know how to make an introduction sound like a Council meeting,” he laughed. “Before Jared joined, hell, maybe until Embry joined, the council meetings were so boring. Like, I get it, it’s official business but it’s like the council and Sam forget that we’re not in the time of Ephraim’s pack, and that we’re not geezers.”
“Yes, I think we rather made a poor decision in that regard, but at least it got most of the nervousness and awkwardness out of the way,” Carlisle pointed out. “Everyone seems a lot more relaxed now.”
“That’s true,” Jacob conceded. “And to think, all that it took to relax everyone was the idea of a friendly game of baseball.”
“It makes sense, in retrospect. We’re pretty competitive, and it seems you all are too.”
He snorted, “Yeah, ugly competitive is more like. I predict at least one fight breaking out by the end of the game.”
“Maybe, but I think it won’t be a bad thing. What’s a little competition without some sore losers,” he teased with a smile. “Speaking of which, have you decided who the captain will be?”
Jacob opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Embry almost pouncing on him as he answered for him, “Are you kidding? We had to draw straws! Jared ended up winning, the cheater.”
“Hey!” Jared called out behind them, “I didn’t cheat. How do you even cheat at pulling straws, you idiot?”
“I don’t know how your devious mind works,” Embry called back with narrowed eyes.
They all continued like this until they reached the field.
“Woah. That’s…bigger than I expected,” Jared whistled, clearly impressed.
“That’s what she said,” Embry whispered with a laugh to Jacob.
Jacob shot Carlisle a grin as he joked, “It’s because vampires need the extra space to be dramatic.”
That earned a laugh from the pack and a couple of chuckles from his family.
“Nah, but seriously, it’s because of your natural strength and speed, right?” he asked Carlisle, who smiled and nodded for him to continue. “I figured out that the same goes for the storm. It’s a cover. So, when we hit the ball, the poor townspeople don’t start sharpening their stakes and lighting their torches out of fear.”
“I guess you’re not all as dumb as you look,” smirked Rosalie as she walked towards some bags already waiting on the ground, unzipping them.
“Aw, Barbie, I could almost say the same for you,” Jacob smiled and blew a kiss in her direction.
Alice joined Rosalie and pulled the bat the latter had grabbed out of her hands, “We’ve actually had these custom made. These are denser than regular bats, custom made with a mix of tungsten and steel, not quite solid, but certainly not as hollow. We’d break too many bats before Emmett thought of these!”
“Woah,” Embry approached her and held out his hand. She handed him the bat, and his eyes widened, “This weighs like thirty pounds!”
“Ready to chicken out?” Rosalie smirked.
Paul, of course, took this as a challenge and grabbed the bat out of Embry’s hand, flipping it around with ease with a smirk, “Who’s said anything about chickens?”
Alice clapped and rolled unto the balls of her feet with glee, “This is going to be so much fun!”
They all laughed at her enthusiasm; it was quite contagious.
Emmett’s Jeep rumbled as it approached the edge of the field, and Jacob perked up, jogging over to Edward and Bella as they exited the vehicle.
He must have started teasing her because she was blushing and rolling her eyes.
“Bella, thank you for joining us,” Esme walked to greet her.
“Thank for inviting me, even if I can’t play. It’ll be fun to watch,” she said this with an unconvinced tone.
Jacob bumped into her shoulder lightly. “No one here believes that you’re remotely excited to watch sports, Bells,” he shook his head in false disbelief that transformed into an absolute shit-eating grin. “Just say you’re here to stare at your boyfriend with goo-goo eyes. The truth will set you free.”
She narrowed her eyes at him, “Careful, Jake. I’ve seen your goo-goo eyes too.”
Jacob froze like a dear in headlights.
‘Interesting’ thought Carlisle. Maybe he could learn who the lucky girl was with some mild investigation, if Bella seemed to know who it was.
Internally, he groaned at his own train of thought. Was he really jealous of whatever teenage girl had captured Jacob’s heart?
It seemed to be the case.
Before he could continue digging himself into an envy-laden hole, he turned his attention to the rest of the group, who had gathered around the equipment bags.
Now that everyone was present, Jasper went over the modified rules that they played with, given the smaller number of players and then they were ready to choose teams and play ball.
The teams ended up pretty equally divided, much to Carlisle’s delight. Rosalie had chosen Emmett, Sam, Edward, Embry, and himself. Which left the other team with Jared, Jacob, Alice, Paul, Jasper, and Quil. Bella, obviously, would not be playing, and joined Esme in refereeing.
The pack had insisted, in order to even the odds, that whichever team was on the outfield, their wolves would be allowed to be shifted to really be able to use the full scope of their abilities. Emmett had immediately agreed—what a surprise—and the only one who wasn’t excited about the notion was Rose, who complained about ‘wolf slobber’. Again, no surprise there.
The bat was thrown in the air and after it was caught by Jared, he and Rose went hand over hand until Rosalie was the last hand atop the bat, smirking as she tugged the bat away from Jared.
The wolves in Jared’s team followed him past the tree line to phase in private.
It would be a lie if Carlisle said he wasn’t waiting in anticipation to see Jacob’s wolf for the first time with bated breath.
When they emerged from the trees as four almost-bear-sized wolves, there was a notable fascination amongst his family, himself included. One had grey and brown coloring, with dark grey markings around the face, almost like a mask, another of them a dark silver color, slightly smaller than the other but with a gleam of competitiveness in his eyes. The smallest one, who was still massive at an easily over nine feet in height, had warm, chocolate-brown fur. The largest of them had russet-brown fur that exuded warmth, and strength.
Carlisle didn’t need to guess which one was Jacob. He knew.
He met the russet wolf’s eyes and beamed.
Was there no form where he wasn’t beautiful?
⁂
After they were in their positions, Alice waited, still as a rock, until she smiled and nodded as she called out, “It’s time.”
The game was a symphony of superhuman abilities, a blur of motion, the crack of the bat against the ball echoing through the air, the thud of gloves catching balls, and the occasional cheer from Esme and Bella, who were refereeing with a mix of enthusiasm and amusement. Carlisle could feel the competitive spirit in the air, but there was also a sense of camaraderie, of friends, perhaps, pushing each other to their limits for the love of the game.
In the third inning, with Rosalie's team batting, Emmett stepped up to the plate. His swing was powerful, the ball flying deep into the outfield where Paul, with a superhuman leap, caught it just inches from the ground, sending howls and barks of approval from Jared's team.
Jared, not to be outdone, stepped up to bat in the top of the fourth. His swing was equally powerful, the ball soaring high and far, a potential home run. Edward, with a final burst of speed, reached out to make the catch, his fingers closing around the ball just as it crossed the outfield fence, securing the out and ending the inning.
As the game continued, the score remained tight, each team matching the other's prowess with their own superhuman abilities. Carlisle found himself caught up in the excitement, his vampire reflexes kicking in as he dove for a ground ball, his throw to first base beating the runner by a fraction of a second.
Carlisle stood at shortstop, his eyes tracking the fast-paced action on the field. The game was a thrilling display of superhuman speed and strength, with both teams pushing each other to their limits. The mix of Cullens and werewolves created a dynamic that was as competitive as it was enjoyable, with each player bringing their unique abilities to the game.
Rosalie was a powerhouse on the plate, her swings sending the ball soaring with incredible force. Emmett, ever the reliable first baseman, fielded grounders with ease, his massive frame and vampiric speed making him an imposing figure on the field. Edward, in the outfield, was a blur of motion, his preternatural reflexes allowing him to catch balls that seemed to defy the laws of physics. His throws back to the infield were pinpoint accurate, leaving the opposing team little room for error. Sam, in his wolf form somehow even larger than Jacob was, was a surprising whirlwind of speed and agility, darting across the field to make catches that would have been impossible for any human, maybe even difficult for any of the other wolves or even Carlisle’s family. Embry, also in wolf form, provided a solid defense at third base, his powerful throws to first base keeping the opposing team's runners in check. It was amusing to see the wolves adjust to throwing the balls. Once the ball was in their jaws, they’d swing their heads to one side and release the ball with increasing power, speed and accuracy as the game went on.
Jared was a remarkable batter, his swings powerful and his hits often sending the ball deep into the outfield. Quil, in his wolf form, almost completely matched Edward's speed in the outfield, his agile movements and sharp reflexes making him a formidable opponent. Alice was a vision of speed and precision. Despite her handicap, she still anticipated the pitches with an eerie accuracy, swinging at almost the exact moment to send the ball flying. Jasper, moving with a fluid grace, covered a lot of ground in the outfield, his speed allowing him to track down even the most well-hit balls. Paul, in his wolf form, provided a strong defensive presence at second base, his quick reflexes and powerful throws keeping the opposing team's runners honest. Especially Emmett, who had learned the hard way that trying to sneak off the plate would earn him a well-deserved snap of the wolf’s jaws.
And Jacob, with his massive frame, was a wall at first base, his throws to home plate swift and accurate. His batting was equally impressive, sending the ball soaring with each swing, his strength a formidable force on the field. Whether in wolf form or his human form, he didn’t waste an opportunity to taunt and grin at Carlisle and Edward, especially. Carlisle found himself admiring the sheer power and agility of Jacob's wolf form, the way he moved with a grace that belied his size, and the intensity in his eyes as he played.
If he hadn’t been so focused on playing, Carlisle would have taken time to catalog each of Jacob’s wolfish expressions, and grunts. But now was not the time for that, now was the time for him to focus because things were starting to heat up as the game continued to be neck-and-neck.
Jacob was right about a fight breaking out, much to Carlisle’s amusement. Though fight wasn’t really the term he’d use. At some point, Edward had attempted to slide into third base but had been stopped as Paul leapt over him in a single, fluid motion. Unfortunately, as Edward turned to run back to second base, he’d managed to step on Paul’s tail and the latter reacted by pouncing on him. A small skirmish broke out as different players tried to intervene, but it all ended with everyone laughing once the moment had passed. Edward accepted the apology that Paul must have thought towards him and Bella and Esme allowed them to return to their previous places to re-play the ball.
By the time the ninth inning rolled around, the tension was palpable. Jared's team was leading by a single run, and Rosalie's team was up to bat. Rosalie, with a determined glint in her eye, stepped up to the plate. Her swing was powerful, the ball soaring high and deep, a potential game-winning home run. Jasper, in the outfield, took off like a shot, his vampire speed carrying him high into the air as he reached out to make the catch.
And that’s when Alice’s voice called out loudly, in fear, “Stop!”
Notes:
I managed to get ahead by a couple of chapters, so I *should* be posting twice a month again.
If there is anything that doesn't make sense in terms of baseball it's 100% because I know nothing about the sport and relied on research to come up with terms 🤣
Next chapter will introduce a new POV (most likely never to be repeated again) any guesses on who?
Chapter 30: Unraveling
Chapter Text
Edward
Over the overlay of thoughts, Alice’s vision was clear.
Three nomadic vampires’ interest was piqued at the sound of their obvious game. The darker of the three, the leader, perhaps, wanted to investigate, his curiosity seemed innocent enough. At least as innocent as a blood-eyed vampire could be. The wild-eyed red head seemed cautious at the suggestion and turned to the rugged blonde male as if to seek confirmation. Her mate, perhaps? And after a bored shrug, their course changed, and they sped towards the field to investigate. The blonde male caught a scent in the wind that interested him enough to overtake the other male in their running formation and as they breached the tree line, there was a positively hungry look in his eyes. And then everything went black.
Before the vision finished he was already across the field, Bella in his arms, clearly alarmed, “Edward, wha—”
“How long do we have Alice?” he asked, ignoring the confusion and alarm amongst the rest of the group.
“Not long enough to get away, we’ll have to stand our ground. Strength in numbers,” she said as she bounded closer to them, removing her cap and unbuttoning her baseball shirt, placing the cap on Bella’s head and maneuvering her into the shirt as Bella protested.
“Will one of you two tell us what the hell is going on?” Jacob demanded as he approached them, now shifted back into his human form only in shorts.
Edward glanced around the field and swore. “Three of our kind are headed this way. They were just passing through but then they heard the game. They’re on their way here—”
“Get Bella the hell out here then!” he shouted, already taking a step towards her.
“There isn’t time!” Alice snapped. “They’ll start chasing Edward if he leaves with her scent trailing them.”
“But I can take her. No way they can smell her over my scent!” he argued.
“But I can’t see if you’re right, Jacob. Do you really want to take that gamble?” she asked severely.
His brows furrowed and sighed, frustrated, “So, what now? We just wait for them?”
‘Stay on your guards. These intruders are not to leave. The Treaty does not extend to stranger vampires,’ Edward heard Sam order. He hadn’t even noticed when he’d shifted, his attention solely on keeping Bella safe. As he looked around, he noticed that the rest of the pack, save Jacob, had shifted too.
He nodded towards the Alpha in agreement. He was right. And Alice was too. With their numbers, the three vampires wouldn’t typically be a problem. The unknown variable was Bella. He had to protect her, which meant letting his family and the pack take his place in a fight as he protected her until they weren’t a direct threat. Then he’d take her away.
“Sam, we won’t presume to tell you what to do, but we’ll fight if it comes to it, to protect Bella. Can we count on your help?” he asked him directly, already knowing the answer.
“As if you have to ask,” Jacob scoffed. “We’ll fight too. To protect Bella, but the rest of the humans in town and the surrounding areas. They won’t leave here with their lives.”
The rest of the wolves nodded in agreement, their strangely connected thoughts agreeing in an overlapping cacophony.
‘That’s right! Fuck those lee—'
‘We’ve got this. This is what we—'
‘Now this is a compete—'
‘We act as one, we’ve trained for—'
‘We keep ours safe! Bella will be—'
‘Enough! Now, focus,’ Sam ordered.
“Edward,” Carlisle said, concerned, “she’ll be alright. There’s just three of them. If it were just the seven of us and Bella, then there’d be more need for concern. There’s enough of us here to keep her safe. Nothing will happen to her.”
Edward nodded, but he didn’t release his tight hold around her shoulder.
“Edward,” her voice trembled, “vampires are coming here. And you’re all going to fight to keep me safe.”
Shit.
She might be going into shock.
He shushed her and kissed the top of her head. “It’s alright sweetheart. Carlisle is right, nothing will happen, you’ll see. There’s so many wolves here that they won’t even tell that you’re human. That’s why Alice gave you her things, to cover your scent. They’re just curious. They’ll probably see how many of there are and walk away,” he lied.
She looked up at him in a mix of anger and fear, “But what if someone gets hurt? It’ll be because of me.”
Of course Bella’s concern lay somewhere outside of her own safety. He really ought to have known better at this point.
“We’ll be fine, Bella,” Jacob said, placing his palm on her cheek softly. “This is what we were made for, to protect you.”
The smallest hint of jealousy flared somewhere deep in his chest. If he didn’t already know that Jacob had someone back in the reservation to call his mate, he’d be worried that Jacob was making a move on his own. In truth, Edward appreciated that he was able to calm her down, if only slightly.
“Thirty seconds,” called Alice, taking her place next to Jasper.
In the moments he’d taken to speak to the pack, Jasper had already organized his siblings, reminding them to look as if nothing was wrong. The worst thing to do now was to alert the nomads that they had special abilities, or worse, that they were aware of their incoming presence.
Emmett and Rose had wandered by the wolves, and the former was explaining their strategy of feigning innocence by pretending the game was done and they were packing up to leave. Sam’s massive head bobbed once in agreement and they visibly relaxed, if only slightly.
‘Embry, Quil, you heard Emmett. The plan is to act as if nothing was wrong. Without losing focus, pretend to roll around in excitement. There’s no way to shift back now without drawing more suspicion.’ Sam commanded.
Immediately, Quil and Embry jumped around one another, clearly still strategizing with the pack as they playfully tackled each other and nipped at each other. Sam lied down, trying to make himself look smaller and disinterested, and rested his head on his paws.
Jared and Paul played along, the former tugging on Paul’s ear and wagging his tail.
Jasper was focused on making his sisters and Bella seem as unimportant as possible, as Esme and Alice giggled around the equipment bags. Emmett had his arm around Rose’s shoulders whispering in her ear as she swung the bat freely with a flirty gaze. Carlisle had joined him and Jacob in obscuring Bella from view. Neither of them could quite bring themselves to pretend that everything was fine. And to be honest, neither could he.
The nomads broke through the trees and stopped. The wild female and darker male shared a nervous look as they saw the wolves, but the blonde continued stalking forward slowly and they recovered and walked with him.
‘This is certainly not what I expected,’ thought the darker male, with a slight French accent. ‘What monsters are these? We must be cautious to avoid a fight.’
The female immediately was calculating all the possible escape routes but kept her gaze directly on the blonde male at her side thinking to herself, ‘What’s the next move, James?’
The blonde male, James, was eerily quiet, just taking in the scene in front of him. His thoughts momentarily taken off the idea of hunting by Jasper flooding him with boredom, feeding him the idea that our family and the pack were just not interesting for him to care.
“We thought we heard a game,” the dark-haired one said with the same light French accent, "I am Laurent," and he motioned to the others as he said, "and this is Victoria, and James."
Carlisle smiled his doctor smile, comforting and non-threatening, "I'm Carlisle, and this is my family and our friends. I'm afraid you caught us at the end of our game. We were just packing up to leave."
Laurent replied, but their conversation was relegated to the background, like everyone else's thoughts; Edward's mind was more preoccupied with James's mind. It was quiet, but not unclear, almost as if his mind was focused on precisely what he deemed essential and nothing else. At the moment, he seemed to be... confused.
He remembered the scent that had captured his curiosity, he remembered being excited for a hunt... but now he couldn't quite muster the excitement anymore despite being face to face with beasts unlike any he'd seen before. His bemusement and ambivalence was starting to turn sour.
Shit.
Jasper might have overdone it. James could definitely tell that something wasn't right. It was only a matter of time before he caught on. He kept his eyes fixed on James, almost imperceptivity moving millimeter by millimeter to the side, trying to shield Bella's body with his own.
'Someone is messing with my head.' James thought with sudden clarity, like a bell had rung loudly in his head. He paid better attention to everyone, trying to identify just who was doing this, and more importantly why.
"—keep a permanent residence nearby. There's another permanent settlement like ours up near Denali."
Laurent's head tilted to the side with genuine curiosity, "Permanent? How do you manage that?"
Carlisle hesitated slightly, "It's a rather long story. Why don't you come back to our home where we can talk about it more comfortably?" To Edward, he thought, 'If we can get them to agree, take Bella and the Quileutes out of here. We can minimize the likeliness of a fight that way.'
Without a way of communicating, he couldn't object. He wasn't sure he wanted to, to be honest. As grateful that he was that Carlisle was concerned with Bella's immediate safety—and Jacob too, Edward wasn't stupid— he didn't want it to be at the expense of the safety of the rest of his family. But… there was something inherently dangerous about James, more so than others of their kind. So maybe the smartest thing to do was to take Bella away before he caught her scent. The predatory edge in his mind seemed cultivated and honed… too dangerous to keep Bella here. Carlisle was right, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t pain him to have to walk away from a possible fight and leave his family with one less fighter. Perhaps he could persuade Sam and some other wolves to stay to even the odds…
The female, Victoria, was trying to catch James's gaze, to no avail. She felt surprised and uneased at Carlisle's mention of home. Laurent's thoughts were very different. He was intrigued and impressed by Carlisle's proposal; he opened his mouth to accept but was beaten by James.
"Do your pets live with you too?" He asked in a mocking tone, his head tilted slightly to the side, the tips of his fangs poking through his smirk.
The wolves growled menacingly, and he saw Jacob's knuckles whiten over the bone from strain.
What was his plan? To goad them into a fight? It wasn't a bad idea, but Sam seemed to have everyone under control. For now.
James had fastened his eyes on Sam, interest rising again. 'What a prize this beast would make! In his mind’s eye, he was already hunting. ‘Maybe I’ll let the creature think it was the cat, and I the mouse... let it chase me into a trap of my making and turn on him, maybe tear a leg off or the tail, and then let him run so the true hunt could begin.’ He grinned slowly, viciously, and it seemed that it was taking Paul every ounce of control not to lunge for the hunter’s throat.
“You’re foolish if you think we’ll let you lead us anywhere, Gold-eyes,” James taunted at Carlisle, nearly spitting out the last word as if it were a slur. “The only reason we’re still talking is because I want to give the big one a chance to savor this moment with his mongrel friends before I slay them all. You too, Gold-eyes, take a good look around, your coven will be ashes before you can try diplomacy again.”
Now it was Sam growling, lips pulled back over gritting canines and one massive paw taking a step forward.
But his was a controlled threat.
Ultimately, what shifted the careful stillness on the field was Jacob’s ferocious reaction. Edward could tell from his thoughts this was not a choice, it was instinct, a radical reaction to those he loved and respected being threatened.
In a split second, three things happened.
First, Jacob let out a growl as his body rippled and tore through his shorts as he shifted beside Carlisle. His lips curled back exposing his teeth as he continued to growl, his eyes alight with a clear threat.
The shock of him shifting so quickly, caused Bella to gasp and take an unconscious step back, catching the hunter’s attention with interest.
And James finally zeroed in on Bella’s now quivering form.
“And look, you’ve brought me a snack to vitalize me on my hunt.”
Everyone moved in a blur as James took a single step forward.
To Bella, it was truly an indistinct rush of motion. But his trained eyes caught every detail—the way his family and friends instinctively divided into smaller groups to even the odds.
Alice and Jasper cut off Victoria’s escape to the woods. Quil and Embry followed swiftly, sealing off her other route. She bared her teeth but held back, calculating her options, her possible escapes.
Laurent found himself cornered—on one side stood a grim-faced Emmett and Sam, while Jared, Rosalie, and Paul formed an equally fierce barrier opposite him. A smart play by Sam. James had made his interest in him clear, keeping himself out of immediate danger would help. Keeping control of the situation was key—at least for now.
That left James facing Carlisle, Jacob, Esme, and Edward. Bella was pressed to Edward’s back, shielded completely—ready for him to lift her and bolt if the situation demanded it.
Their advantage lay in his fixation on Bella.
James hadn’t noticed Esme slip just outside his field of vision or sensed Sam, who had moved away from Laurent, silent as a shadow, closing in from the other side—entirely unseen. He believed Carlisle, Jacob, and Edward were his only immediate threats.
It was a brilliant strategy—letting James watch Sam chase Laurent, lulling him into thinking the Alpha was occupied, only for Sam to double back and place the strongest wolf against the greatest danger.
‘Keep his focus on you. We’ll end this quickly’, Sam thought to Edward, his resolve unwavering.
To the rest of the pack, he ordered, ‘Do not let the other two escape. Do whatever’s necessary to detain them. We don’t eliminate them until we’re sure they’re traveling alone.’
Simultaneous assents rippled through their shared bond
James lunged—straight toward Bella.
Edward didn’t flinch, even as Bella gasped and clutched his arm with bruising force. He stood firm, because he’d already seen it, the intent of those around him—Jacob launching forward to intercept, Esme speeding around to grab Bella and run if it became necessary.
Bella’s scream died in her throat as James sidestepped mid-stride, shifting course with lethal precision—now barreling toward Carlisle.
An agonized cry echoed through Edward’s mind; one he first mistook as his own. But no—it resonated through his siblings, their alarm breaking through as they saw the change, tempted to abandon their own battles. And beneath it all, his own torment—his father, his maker, in danger because Edward had dared to fall in love with a human.
The loudest voice though—howl really—was Jacob’s, his body already committed to his lunge, too far now to shield Carlisle.
That millisecond stretched into eternity as Jacob twisted mid-air, desperate to correct course, impossible as it was.
But it wasn’t necessary.
Sam struck first, landing hard on the hunter’s back. Sam’s teeth descended toward his neck—but then—
A pained howl. A sharp cry.
Across the field, Embry was down, whining in agony. Alice knelt between him and Victoria, one arm clutched close to her chest. The pack’s shared awareness flickered with the recent past—Victoria’s calculated dash toward Embry, targeting the weakest among his captors. Her teeth had sunk into his massive throat before Alice wrenched her away. But in the struggle, Victoria had snapped her jaws around Alice’s arm—fracturing it like spider-webbed cracked glass.
The moment’s distraction was all James needed—he bucked violently, throwing Sam from his back and flipping into a crouch.
Sam cursed. ‘Jared, take over. I have to help Jasper with the female. They need my help. Jacob, hold position. Protect them.’
Before James could react, Jared lunged forward from behind him, tearing away from his position next to Emmett as Sam pivoted, sprinting toward the other fight.
Edward’s gaze flickered for just a split second—checking on his Emmett and the other male. But aside from Paul, everyone was motionless at a standstill.
James surveyed the battlefield, calculating.
‘How interesting.’ His thoughts coiled with amusement. ‘The one shielding the human never even moved when I lunged—as if he knew the beast would intercept. These creatures are too precise for mere instinct. It’s not their growling… so how could the protector have known the wolf would jump between us? Blind trust? No. They’re not mindless servants… I saw the small female shield the weaker one. It must be something deeper. Some kind of mental link.’
Edward held his glare, unreadable, waiting.
‘How was he able to anticipate the leaping wolf’s intent?’ James mused. ‘Could it be premonitions? The only prey that ever escaped me could see the future. But this feels different… as if the protector simply knew what they were saying.’
Edward forced himself to stay still, to give nothing away.
James smirked as he tested his theory. ‘Maybe once Victoria flees and the big ones chase her, I’ll make my move. I’ll snap the back of the mutt who thinks he can stop me, find a way past you,’ he taunted, ‘then I’ll take my time with the human. Splinter her leg just to make you scream. Scatter pieces of her along the way—a trail of gifts just for you.
Edward couldn’t suppress the snarl that tore from his throat, and bared his teeth, fangs and all at him. James only grinned wider.
Then the hunter struck.
Edward braced, expecting him to lunge for Bella—or Esme. But James veered instead toward Carlisle.
And in that instant, Edward understood.
It was never about Sam. Never even about Bella. Not anymore.
James had chosen Jacob as his prey.
In his focus on protecting Bella, Edward had missed it—the way James’s interest had shifted the moment Jacob transformed, how he’d fixated on the wolf’s instinct to risk himself for a human yet agonized when Carlisle seemed threatened.
‘There is no surer way to start a hunt than by taking something from my prey,’ James thought, relishing the inevitability. ‘Push them beyond reason. Make them chase. Let them destroy themselves. The girl is too well protected, but this golden-eyed one will do.’
Edward’s eyes widened, his mouth opening to warn someone—anyone. But Jacob was already moving. And so was Esme.
Already launching.
Already too late.
Her small frame allowed her to move faster, and she collided with James just as Jacob reached them, and crushed her in the middle. James anticipated the attack, catching Jacob around his middle mid-lunge. Their combined weight sent them crashing to the ground in a violent grapple for control. Esme struggled to escape from between them, desperate to not hurt Jacob, but knowing that she would get hurt if she didn’t.
Jacob clawed into the hunter’s marble flesh, shredding fabric like paper, but he was seeing red and couldn’t distinguish friend from foe. His claws sliced through the hunter’s flesh, but cut into Esme’s too and she screamed. This seemed to shake Jacob from his trance long enough for her to roll away from them. Jared and Carlisle were already in motion—to grab her, to warn Jacob, but they were too late. James tightened his hold, forcing his arms inward—
A deafening crunch.
A tortured cry—cut short.
Jacob’s body went limp in his grasp.
"Jacob!" Bella and Carlisle’s anguished screams split the air.
James smirked. Before anyone could stop him, he hurled Jacob across the battlefield like discarded prey. He hit the flat rock they’d been using as a home plate with a sickening thunk—his body convulsing, then shifting back into human form in his dazed and vulnerable state.
Chaos erupted.
Victoria saw her chance and tried twisting violently against her captors. But she only managed to free a single arm before Sam pressed her onto the ground again with a growl "James! James, help!" she shrieked, wild curls whipping around her face, fear present in her wails.
But James never so much as glanced her way.
Carlisle and Jared lunged, but he was already moving—dodging with practiced ease, slipping just out of reach. He barely registered Victoria’s screams as Sam yanked her head back with his teeth, Jasper prying her jaws apart. The piercing wail fractured the night—until it stopped.
Her head, or part of it at least, rolled free from her body.
James didn’t blink. Didn’t hesitate. He hadn’t even noticed.
He was enthralled.
Raindrops began to fall, and a glance at the sky told him that the thunderstorm was no longer in town, it was coming their way.
Laurent, finally understanding the depth of his mistake, slowly knelt, folding his hands behind his head. The ground around him began to darken as the rainfall picked up speed.
"Make sure he can’t move. I’m going to help Carlisle and Jared with the other one," Emmett ordered.
Rosalie wasted no time—driving him to the ground with a swift kick as Paul stood over him, lips curled back, ready to end him at the slightest twitch.
Then Emmett was in the fray. Sam was soon behind him, all teeth and claws.
The battlefield shifted again—Jacob unconscious, Victoria dead, Laurent restrained. And yet James remained unrelenting, slipping between attacks like a phantom, his eyes alight with sheer exhilaration.
Edward saw the opening.
With the hunter occupied, the fire that Alice and Jasper had set already burning, and their enemies dropping one by one, and the rainfall to help cover their scent—he had a single chance.
Bella.
He needed to get her out. Now.
Edward barely turned his head, unwilling to take his eyes off the hunter, and called out to Alice and Jasper, who were looking over Esme and Embry’s injuries, “I’m taking Bella away.”
Bella was pale, trembling—but not looking at him. Her wide, horrified eyes were locked on Jacob’s crumpled body.
“Bella, I need you to take a deep breath and close your eyes while I carry you—”
"No!" She whirled toward him, voice raw. "Jacob’s hurt! We can’t leave! We have to make sure he’s okay!"
Edward clenched his jaw, forcing down a growl.
"Bella, sweetheart, they’re taking care of him. The hunter won’t last much longer. But I need to keep you safe—please, don’t fight me on this."
She shook her head fiercely, her dripping hair whipping back and forth, lips set in a grim line. "No deal. If he stays, I stay. You can protect me—but who’s protecting Jacob? He could be dying, Edward."
A vicious snarl split through the air. Nearby, Jared barely dodged a lightning-fast strike from James, stumbling backward. Edward instinctively shifted closer to Bella.
"Bella, please—"
"No! What kind of friend would I be if I just left him?"*
"A human one!"
The words snapped out before he could stop them. Bella’s sharp inhale and retort was lost beneath the crack of shattering stone as Emmett finally landed a blow and slammed James backward, sending debris flying across the battlefield.
"I can’t live without you," Edward pleaded as the sky continued to darken as the storm reached the field.
"And I can’t live with myself if we leave him." Her voice wavered, but her resolve was stone. "We make sure he’s okay first. That’s my deal. If you carry me out of here without checking on him, I’ll never forgive you."
Edward stiffened.
Maybe he could endure her anger. Her blame.
But Jacob was his friend too. Lighting flashed as he considered this.
And so, with the battle raging around them, he gave a single, reluctant nod.
⁂
Carlisle
Carlisle barely felt the ground beneath him—only the searing, all-consuming rage igniting inside as Jacob’s body crumpled mid-air and crashed against the rock with a sickening thunk.
Everything narrowed to that moment.
The crunch of bone. The limp fall. The silence where Jacob’s howl should have been.
"Jacob!" His own voice tore from his throat alongside Bella’s cry, but the sound barely registered.
James smirked.
The predator.
The monster.
The thing that touched him.
Hurt him.
Carlisle didn’t think. Didn’t hesitate. He lunged forward, his lips pulled back over his fangs.
James slipped back, just out of reach, movements deliberate—he’d wanted this. He thrived in it.
Jared struck next, fur bristling, fangs bared—but the hunter twisted away, evading with infuriating precision. The storm no longer sounded far away—it was upon them, rain slicking the battlefield, the cold bite of water meeting the rage-induced heat simmering under Carlisle’s skin.
He was not a violent person, but for him he would be anything. Even the monster he’d sworn never to become.
The battlefield blurred—the scent of acrid ash curling in the air as Jasper tossed Victoria’s mangled remains into the fire, the crackle of stone as Laurent hit the ground beneath Rosalie’s heel, the roar of combat as Emmett collided with James.
The impact sent cracks spider-webbing beneath their feet. Carlisle used it—striking forward as James staggered back.
A snarl split the air.
Sam .
The massive wolf was in motion, eyes locked on the hunter.
James saw the incoming attack—but instead of dodging, his grin sharpened. He spun, slipping through the muddying ground, playing them, thriving in the chase.
Carlisle burned inside, fury clouding reason, but his mind—trained for strategy—whispered: he’s leading us in circles.
And Jacob was still on the ground.
The sky above was bruised, thunder tearing through it as lightning cracked. The storm reached them in full.
Jacob.
His mate.
His mate.
The word rang through his mind like the lightning flashing across the sky.
James didn’t know. Couldn’t have known.
Jacob didn’t know.
Hadn’t known? Would never know?
But Carlisle did.
And none of that mattered right now.
What mattered was that James had hurt him. Had nearly killed him. Might have killed him.
And he would pay for that.
Carlisle surged forward—faster, sharper, deadly.
Because whatever promises he’d made to himself three hundred years ago didn’t matter.
All that mattered was him.
And if killing for the first time in his life was what was needed, he would sacrifice whatever soul he had left without hesitation.
For him.
He took in the battlefield.
Sam and Emmett circling the hunter, no escape. Jared pacing opposite, ready. Smoke curled from Victoria’s remains—rain had put out the fire, but not before leaving her a half-ash carcass. The air was thick with petrichor, the acrid sweetness of burning flesh mixing with the copper tang of blood.
Everything else was under control.
All that was left was him.
James tried to leap over Sam but Emmett struck, the collision echoing in time with the booming thunder.
The hunter hit the ground hard, face-down in the mud.
He didn’t struggle. Didn’t snarl. Didn’t fight. Not even as Sam and Jared each took one his arms and pulled.
Not until he saw Carlisle approach.
Then he smiled.
"The mutt is dead, isn’t he?"
That was all it took.
Carlisle was in front of him in an instant, snarling, hands wrapping around the hunter’s head—twisting.
He knew exactly how to do this. He had seen Aro had done it so many times. The world seemed to slow, even the rain overhead falling in fragments.
He twisted one way—feeling the strain, deep fissures splintering up the chalky skin. He prepared to twist in the other direction—
"Carlisle!
Edward’s voice.
A breath away—yet miles apart. He was next to —
Jacob.
A memory slammed into him, stopping him mid-motion.
Jacob, laughing—full, unrestrained, alive. The warmth of him, the way he radiated life, the energy behind his smile. The vividness of him, the pulse of something wild and untamed.
Jacob.
Carlisle released James, turning on his heel and leaving his destruction to his son and the wolves—because Jacob needed him.
The fury still burned, but it shifted, redirected. His purpose was clear.
He was beside him in an instant, his fangs sheathed. Because he didn’t want Jacob to see him as a monster.
Jacob wasn’t moving .
His hands pressed lightly against Jacob’s chest, assessing. He was barely breathing…
Another memory surged—Jacob teasing him, eyes bright, chest rising and falling easily, so effortlessly alive.
"Carlisle?" Bella’s voice, anxious, called out.
"I—"
His hands shook as he felt the broken ribs beneath his touch, the wet sound of shallow breathing—he needed to do something before it devolved into a pneumothorax— the blood slick beneath his fingertips as he checked the back of his head.
Too much blood.
He lifted his hand. Dark crimson smeared across his palm.
Jacob’s blood.
And it burned.
Not with heat, but with venom.
The world tilted.
Venom? But how—?
He ran his hands over Jacob’s body, seeking the source of the venom.
‘It shouldn’t be like this.’ he cried in his mind, ‘I never imagined that the only opportunity to touch him and revere him would be under these circumstances.’
Finally, he felt the ridges of the broken skin, shaped like a crescent moon, high on his back, over his scapula.
He had hoped he was wrong. That he hadn’t been bitten at all and that he’d imagined the smell.
He closed his eyes as his mind spiraled—maybe the venom was preventing Jacob’s healing, slowing him, weakening him. But what would it do? Jacob wasn’t human—he was something else entirely.
What if it poisoned him? What if it changed him? Was that even possible?
His hands trembled worse now, panic sinking deep, twisting, strangling—
"Jasper!" Edward’s call tore through the chaos.
Carlisle barely registered the shift, the steady pulse of calm settling over him—pulling him back from the edge just enough.
His breathing evened. The trembling stilled.
And then, finally—he could think.
Notes:
*running away*
Chapter 31: Fever
Notes:
Sorry! I need to set up reminders to post or something! But here we are, this one a bit shorter than the usual chapters, so much more digestible.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jacob
All he knew was pain.
The world was white with blinding pain.
He might’ve been screaming, or it might have been the wind tearing him apart—or maybe they were claws or teeth— but he couldn’t tell. The pain was so overwhelming that it left a ringing in his ears, in his mind, and it was all he could hear.
Was he dead?
He didn’t think that the afterlife would be so painful.
⁂
“—phine.”
The edge of his consciousness was roused by the voice. The pain was still overwhelming and crushing him but he could pick out pieces of a conversation happening above him. He clung to it like a lifeline. Because he was alive, right?
“—ble to move?” a low deep voice asked.
He felt his head lull to the side as a flash of pain radiated from his chest.
“—illy won’t allow—” the same voice said through the haze. What had he missed? What was happening?
A new voice responded, and Jacob was no longer sure if he was alive, because it was the voice of an angel, “—ut, I can take care—”
He was losing his grip on consciousness, even as he tried with his damnedest to hold on, just to catch one more word from the angel.
⁂
The pain changed. Everything was hot. Not skin or bone deep—something beneath all that. Like his skin was too tight. His chest, too hollow.
He was burning.
Not from fever. From loss.
Loss of what?
There was movement—arms, cloth, perhaps he was being carried?—but everything inside him recoiled.
For a heartbeat—even less than that—there was a whisper of something else.
Rain on pine. A breath of moss. A cool hand stroking blazing skin.
Gone. Ripped away.
The scent turned brittle. Wrong. It was dry wood. A barren sky. Sun scorched stones. A wasteland.
Empty.
Where was the moss? The soft rain? The cool forest-floor that smelled like safety?
Where was he?
Not here.
Not where he was supposed to be.
His body didn’t know.
But something in him did.
It twisted, panicked, and howled. Reached for something that it couldn’t name.
And when nothing reached back—
It broke. Silently. Loudly. Both, neither.
It broke utterly.
It screamed.
⁂
A faint beeping sound began to poke at the threshold of his awareness. With it came the feeling of heat. Everything felt hot—not in the usual way. Not the steady, simmering heat of a wolf’s metabolism. This was wrong. This was feverish, disorienting heat the clung to him like smoke.
And there was pressure around his chest, a dull throb that he didn’t understand—until he inhaled. The movement bit deep, fire raced along his ribs like someone had cracked him open, reached into his chest and crushed. He groaned in pain, and the sound rebounded through his chest like splintered glass.
“Jacob?” The voice was steady, concerned. Familiar, but it barely registered through the haze of pain.
He cracked his eyes open, heavy-lidded. The ceiling swam above him. Sunlight filtered through curtains, too pale to properly light the room. His head lolled to the side, slow and clumsy, chasing the sound. A silhouette hovered nearby, backlit by that same pale light.
“Wha’ happen’d?” His tongue felt thick in his mouth, and his words slurred.
The figure turned to speak to someone else, “I think he’s finally awake.” The figure took a step closer, “Hey, easy, Jake.”
“Sam?” he croaked, still confused.
“Hold on, Jake, don’t try to move too much. You’re safe, don’t try to move too much.”
Footsteps approached from the side, softer, tentative.
“Uh, ’mily?” he blinked again. She nodded, moving into view. Her small frame became clearer, and he could make out her shiny black hair and bangs. Though he’d never met her himself, he’d seen her enough through Sam’s eyes to recognize her.
What the hell was going on?
“Try to relax,” she said in a soothing voice, “you had a pretty nasty head wound and some other injuries. You’ve been unconscious for a couple of days now. I’m going to check on your injuries in a moment.”
A soft beeping near the bed grew erratic. It was then that he registered wires. A chest tube, maybe? An IV in his arms. The room smelled stale, sterile—wrong. Too dry.
No pine. No rain.
“What happened?” he asked, his voice a little more steady.
“What’s the last thing you remember?” Sam asked. Jacob didn’t miss the concerned look he shared with Emily.
That was a good question. What did he remember?
Flashes of balls flying in the air, baseball bats, fun teasing, and then—.
“Uh, we were playing baseball with the Cullens, I think? And then… something happened, right? I remember Alice telling us to stop. But everything is a blur after that.” He could remember glimpses of people—vampires— he didn’t recognize, not Cullens. Had there been a fight? “I remember others. Was there a fight?”
The monitors began to beep again and Emily shot Sam a warning glare.
He sighed as he looked between Jacob and Emily as if weighing his options, “Look, I’m not supposed to excite you too much, but knowing you, you’ll be worse if I don’t tell you. Yes, there was a fight. Some vampires wandering nearby heard the game and came to investigate. One of them wanted a fight.”
Flashes of cold black eyes, sharp white teeth—fangs—and blond hair filled his mind. “I remember him.”
Sam nodded, “We ended up splitting up to fight them all. You were protecting Bella with Edward Jared and—”
“Carlisle,” he breathed out.
More memories, disjointed, flooded his mind.
The hunter going for Bella, before changing trajectory and aiming for Carlisle. He remembered the panic that he wouldn’t be able to save him in time. Someone had interfered. He remembered someone crying out, Embry maybe. There had been some kind of silent battle between Edward and the crazy hunter before he’d lunged again for —
“Carlisle!” he called out again, now with panic.
The machine was even more erratic as he shot up, trying to remove the wires from his body, but Sam grabbed his hands and held them tightly at his sides, stepping between him and Emily. Jacob didn’t care, even as it fatigued him he thrashed against Sam. He needed to see him, to know that he was alright.
“Jacob!” Sam growled, staring him down. “He’s fine. Carlisle is fine. You saved him, remember? You jumped between him and the hunter.”
He wracked through his disordered mind, trying to remember this.
That’s right.
He’d lunged between them.
The hunter had grabbed him, and they’d fought. Someone jumped in between them, maybe. He could faintly recall the sound of a woman’s scream.
But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t remember anything after that.
He took a deep breath and nodded, “I remember that. But I can’t remember anything else.”
“That’s because he injured you and you lost consciousness. But Carlisle is fine, I promise you. The hunter crushed your ribcage and managed to bite you before throwing you to the side, where you hit your head pretty hard.” Sam explained, as he slowly let go of his hands and took a step back. “Jasper and the others disposed of the female, and the other one surrendered. Jared, Emmett, and I disposed of the hunter after a fight and Carlisle attended to your wounds.”
“Wait,” he said, “he bit me? What’s going to happen to me? Fuck, am I—” He couldn’t say it. Couldn’t even form the word.
“No,” Sam said quickly. “You’re not turning. Carlisle checked your blood before we brought you home. You’d have started showing signs if the venom took.”
“Then what’s wrong with me? What’s it doing to me? Why aren’t I healing?”
Emily glanced over from the supplies she was prepping, “We think that your body is too busy fighting the venom.”
Sam nodded. “We’re not one hundred percent sure, obviously, but we think that the venom is interfering with your ability to heal. That what Carlilse believes anyway. Your body isn’t reacting like a human’s would. You’re reacting like a wolf. Your system is fighting it off, but that takes energy and your healing abilities are so focused on vacating the venom from your body, that it’s ignoring the other injuries.”
“Embry was bit too,” Emily added gently, “He didn’t have such heavy injuries, but it delayed his healing too. He’s okay now though, so there’s no reason to believe you won’t be okay too.”
Jacob exhaled in relief, but it caught on the fire in his chest and he grimaced.
“Carlisle figured all of this out?” he asked too quickly, “Is he here?” he asked hopefully, scanning the room. But he knew the answer to that as he began to recognize his surroundings. He was in his room—he recognized the dresses, the pale green walls. Home. On the reservation.
But it didn’t feel like home.
The silence that followed said more than Sam’s answer could have. Sam shook his head slightly, something like pity in his eyes, “No, he’s not.”
“Why?” he asked, barely a breath above a whisper.
Carlisle wouldn’t just leave him, broken and injured without wanting to help, right? Maybe he was too busy taking care of his family? Esme had been hurt too, hadn’t she? It was her screams he remembered. Did he blame the pack for that? Did he blame Jacob?
Sam seemed to sense the uneasiness of his thoughts, “Carlisle wanted to treat you in his house, but Billy wouldn’t hear it. So, we tried to compromise and ask if he could come and continue your treatment here… but,” he sighed, “Billy wouldn’t let Carlisle, or any of the Cullens anywhere near the reservation. Said it was his fault you and Embry were hurt. Harry sided with us. He thinks that Billy is letting his fear and anger make decisions. But Old Quil didn’t want to start a fight, so…”
“So instead, they dragged me away from the one person who has all the necessary skills and discretion to heal me,” Jacob finished bitterly.
“Billy’s staying at Harry’s for now,” Sam said, “just while we waited for you to wake up and make sure you weren’t going to change or anything, just as a precaution. But Carlisle is still helping. He checks in through us, and Emily is running all your treatments through him.”
He swallowed hard. The hollow feeling in his chest burned hotter and he wasn’t sure that it was just his cracked ribs.
“And Emily, how did you get dragged into this circus?” he asked, watching her fuss with the blood drawing supplies.
She glanced over without meeting his or Sam’s eyes. “I’m the only one in the rez qualified to monitor you,” she said evenly. “Since Sam told me about the wolves and all that. So, the Council figured it was the safest option.”
“You’ve been more than helpful,” Sam said earnestly. She looked at him, clearly not knowing how to reply.
Jacob could feel the tension between them. Sam’s gaze lingered on her like a magnet he wasn’t sure he was allowed to touch.
“Well, in that case, thank you for keeping me alive,” Jacob said, saving the situation from getting more awkward.
She smiled kindly at him, though it didn’t quite reach her eyes, “You’re welcome. Now, hold still. This’ll sting a little.” He barely flinched as she inserted the needle. “I’m going to check your head and vitals after I draw your blood, but you’ll be on bed rest for the next couple of weeks at least. We’ll try sealing the tissue around your lungs once the leak slows. It’ll be non-surgical. But you need to rest, Jacob. Let your body do the work. Honestly, you’ll most likely be unconscious for most of the time while you heal, between the morphine and the exhaustion you won’t have the energy to do much.”
He nodded absently, starting to feel the fatigue dragging at his edges. He let her check him out, following her instructions as she gave them. But he noticed that Sam still had a look on his face. Like there was more to all of this than he was saying.
Finally, once Emily was done, she packed her bag and said, “I’m going to go pick Billy up from Harry’s now. But I’ll be by a couple of times a day to check on you and you’ll have at least one of your brothers here to help out too. Don’t push yourself” She ordered him and ordered Sam to not rile him up before leaving.
As the engine of her car roared to life and started to drift away, Jacob turned to look at Sam, the morphine was crawling back in. He could feel it softening the world like fog, but he still had questions that needed answering. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Sam didn’t speak for a long while, and when he finally did, Jacob was half convinced that he’d fallen back asleep. Sam’s brow was furrowed deeply, and his mouth was almost pursed in a grimace. “There’s another reason why we forced Billy to stay with Harry. After it was decided that you would be coming back home to recuperate, we had to move you back. On the way, you kept muttering Carlisle’s name or screamed it sometimes. Over and over. Given how Billy feels about the Cullens, we didn’t want him to hear that. Didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. You should try to be a little careful once he comes home. I don’t know if he’d take that to mean that Carlisle hurt you or what, but it wouldn’t be good. And I’m guessing that Billy still doesn’t know that you’ve imprinted on him?”
Shit.
“No,” Jacob muttered, “And he’s not going to. Not like this.” Not ever if he could help it.
Sam didn’t reply. Just nodded silently.
The fog was heavier now, and Sam seemed to notice too because he muttered something about resting before stepping towards the door.
Jacob hummed in response, barely coherent.
And as he left— his footsteps fading— Jacob became aware of something else. It wasn’t a sound, nor a scent.
It was an absence of something.
The absence of a cooling sensation. Of a presence like steady rain on overheated skin.
He pretended that he didn’t know why it made his throat tight.
That he didn’t know why sleep felt more like surrender than a respite.
But he let it take him anyway.
⁂
He opened his eyes and there was green.
Lush, healthy—a forest humming with life. The canopy overhead shimmered with filtered sunlight, and rain still clung to the pine needles. The air tasted almost sweet—like pine and river and ferns.
This was home.
He walked barefoot across moss and earth, and the ground welcomed him.
He was safe here.
Then—
A scream.
A woman’s.
Esme?
It cracked through the trees like lightning, and the forest flinched.
He turned— searching— but he could not find any sign of her.
Around him the bark on the trees peeled like skin, branches blackened and curled, and the trees started to splinter and fracture.
The heat surged beneath his feet, through the roots, through the air.
Flames licked the edges of his world. And he ran.
The trees seemed to grow—too tall, too menacing. Their barked seared where it should have soothed. But he stumbled through it, feet burning. The ground steamed beneath him. The air tasted like cinders.
It chased him, this fire.
But no. Not just fire—blame.
‘She’s hurt. Your fault. Your claws.’
He kept running. Running, but not fast enough. He couldn’t breathe and stopped to catch his breath.
Then—mist.
At the far edge of the trees. Pale. Cool. Gentle as a breeze on fevered skin.
It moved towards him, soundless, soothing.
And Jacob reached for it, hoping and begging for release.
But mist stopped short of reaching him.
A voice—not his own, not quite real— echoed across the burning trees, repeating itself.
‘She’s hurt. Your fault. Your claws.’
He staggered, hand outstretched, just wanting to touch—
‘No,’ he whispered, “No—please, come back.’
The mist recoiled. Turned to vapor.
Gone.
The heat surged again.
Unrelenting.
And so, he stood, scorched and alone.
And because nothing reached back to save him… he let the fire take him.
Accepting the punishment of burning alone.
Notes:
As a gift for all my recent lateness, I will be uploading a double chapter today!
Thank you for your patience everyone! ♥️
Also sorrynotsorry about the angst. It's not getting better for a bit... 😅
Chapter 32: A Burning Hill
Chapter Text
Jacob
Sleep came like a punishment. Not a relief. Not a reprieve. Just a slow descent into something that he couldn’t escape from. Jacob hovered somewhere between fevers and nightmares the following days, caught in a rinse-and-repeat of burning, and drowning in silence.
The cycle continued.
Pain. Sweat-damp sheets. Guilt chewing at his ribs—something sharper than the physical wounds— and the edges of his mind. Every attempt to shift into a more comfortable position was met with a fresh wave of agony as the morphine wore off. His body refused to be anything but trapped, lungs tight, bones too slow to knit themselves whole.
He wasn’t just stuck in his mind. He was pinned down by the damned weight of his own ruined body to this godforsaken bed.
Then—footsteps.
Emily’s voice.
She would check his temperature, adjust the IV and morphine, mutter something about hydration or nutrition levels. He barely processed it. He knew the routine, even after a couple of days. And he also knew that she couldn’t fix the real damage.
He’d fade away and close his eyes until something would rustle near the doorway.
Jacob barely glanced over—but the weight was familiar. One of his pack brothers would be there, cycling out shifts to keep watch.
Today it was Quil.
Quil had started bringing food that Jacob barely touched. He acted like it was no big deal, set the bowl down and threw out a casual comment about Jacob needing to keep his strength up. Jacob watched the steam curl off the soup he didn’t finish. He felt Quil watching him, waiting and hoping that he’d pick up the spoon.
He didn’t.
Couldn’t.
His ribs screamed at even the smallest adjustment. Even lifting his arm made something sharp lodge between his lungs, like glass shards shifting inside of him. And maybe he should mention this to Quil, or Emily, or anyone of his brothers that visited him. But he didn’t. Maybe he deserved the pain.
Yesterday—maybe the day before, he didn’t know nor care—Embry had tried a different tactic. He’d dragged a chair from the kitchen and sat beside the bed with one of their old comic books, flipping pages like Jacob might actually engage. At some point he even made voices for the characters, snorted at the ridiculous dialogue and looked at Jacob with eyes that begged for some sign that he cared. Jacob had just closed his eyes.
He heard it.
He felt the effort they made.
But he just couldn’t respond.
Even Jared had tried—talking to him like he wasn’t just an injured body in a bed. Tossing stories about whatever the hell was happening outside, the usual dump pack drama, the way Paul had nearly gotten into a fistfight with him at the gas station over who could pump gas faster.
Jacob had listened.
He heard the warmth and care in Jared’s voice.
Had appreciated it, even.
And hadn’t given a damn thing back.
Because that silence and cacophony in his mind were made of equal parts and created a maelstrom he couldn’t escape from.
After they left, Jacob would know when Billy arrived.
Not through words, because there were none.
Just a shift in the air.
The faint creak of wheels and leather that rolled and stopped at the doorway.
Billy didn’t say anything, didn’t ask anything.
Didn’t cross the threshold.
Just like he hadn’t let Bella cross it, either.
Jacob’s hands clenched under the covers. Not because he wanted Bella here—the only person he did want here had been banned too. But because Billy had decided for him. It was easier to think of him as Billy instead of his dad in these moments. Easier to pretend that his dad wasn’t purposely cutting him off from people he cared about. Because when she first called to ask if she could come over, he made up some lame excuse and hung up. And when she showed up, he finally told her that she wasn’t welcome. Because he’d thrown her name into the same pit as them.
Because when Billy spoke to his brothers or Emily about the Cullens, it was always ‘them’. He said it with a grimace and with disdain.
But he wasn’t just mad at him because of Bella.
It was all of them.
Carlisle included.
Because he wouldn’t decide which truth hurt more: that Billy was keeping them apart, or that Carlisle wasn’t even trying.
Even Bella tried texting him encouraging things every so often.
Jacob didn’t turn his head. Didn’t make the first move, not with Billy and not with Carlisle.
Billy hesitated—just for beat—as if debating whether to break the silence.
But he didn’t.
He kept rolling.
And only when he was long gone, did Jacob turn his head to stare at the empty doorway, waiting for his punishing sleep to take him into guilt-laden nightmares again.
⁂
Morning clawed its way into his body before his mind could catch up.
Jacob blinked against the dull light filtering into the room, the sheets were stuck to his skin, and for one horrifying second, he thought the fire had followed him into wakefulness—had melted the sheets into his skin, and he raised his arms to put out the flames—but the sharp pain across his chest reminded him that he was awake. The sheets were stuck to him with sweat.
He exhaled deeply, trying to calm his racing heart. It didn’t help.
His muscles ached from days of stillness, his body caught between fevers and healing and exhaustion. When he tried to move—just slightly—the movement sent pain lancing through his ribs, like something had splintered deeper overnight.
His damned nightmares were making things worse when he was awake now too.
A feeling in the back of his mind whispered that today would hurt differently.
He let his eyes drift to the alarm clock on his dresser.
9:33
Huh. Either Emily had come and gone without him realizing it, or she was late.
That was new.
And Billy?
Jacob hadn’t heard his chair roll past the door yet to at least pretend that he was making an effort.
It should have felt like relief.
It didn’t.
But he didn’t really care either way. He was still trapped in the damn bed.
So, he closed his eyes and did his best not to fall asleep.
Before his guilt and morphine could drag him into sleep though, he heard loud footsteps approaching and sharp impatient voices. He let his eyes open but didn’t move otherwise.
Quil entered the room first, not with the pitying looks he had before but with something akin to irritation. “Good, you’re awake,” he said, tone flat. “Now, we’re going to talk. And that means you’re done shutting us out. We’re here, and you’re talking. That’s how today is going to go.”
He flicked his gaze behind Quil, where Sam stood, face equally serious, and arms crossed.
Jacob knew today was going to suck.
Still, Jacob didn’t move, or blink, or really acknowledge them at all.
The seconds stretched as both Sam and Quil stared back at him.
So, he waited with them. It’s not like he had anything better to do.
Finally, Quil let his arms drop to his side and let out an exasperated sigh, "I'm going to make food. I can't just stand here waiting for him to decide to stop his silent treatment." He turned on his heels and stomped away, an angry aura almost emanating from him.
The wolf inside him whined. He knew that keeping this tantrum up wasn't doing anyone any good, and maybe he was being unnecessarily stubborn, but it wasn't just that. Even if he wanted to say something or do something, he just... couldn't. It was like he was being stopped by the weight of his circumstances; the guilt, the anger, the pain, it had all created a storm he felt powerless against. And it felt like the only way to not fall apart was to do nothing and say nothing. So, he did just that.
There were faint sounds that could be heard from the kitchen, pots or pans clanging about, the faucet angrily releasing water from its spout, and angry mutters from Quil. Sam shifted his weight, and Jacob let his gaze fall on him. "We're serious, Jacob," he said, voice quieter but just as firm, "We've let you stew and brood. That's over now."
Still, Jacob said nothing, though he felt the pinprick of annoyance build up in the back of his throat.
"Look, I've allowed this to go on for nearly a week, so I accept that I'm partially to blame here, but we need our brother back, Bella needs her best friend back, and Billy needs his son back."
This got a reaction. It wasn't much, but Jacob's eyebrows knit together in annoyance and displeasure. Billy might need him, but given all the shit he'd done, Jacob wasn't inclined to really feel bad for him at that moment.
"I'm serious, Jacob; you have to tell us what's going on. Why are you acting like this? We can't help otherwise."
'You can't help anyways,' Jacob thought bitterly.
He returned to fix his gaze at the ceiling, aching with the weight of ignoring them, but being weighed down further by the gravity of the yawning chasm that had been swallowing him whole.
Sam's voice was softer yet when he said, "I might not know what's going on exactly and why you're acting like this, but I have a pretty good guess on what started it. I know that the imprinting bond aches when you haven't seen them. And I know that it burns when you can't see them, or they refuse to see you. I know this. I live it. Whatever pity parade you have going on, has to stop. This is just as bad as when I refused to phase back after Emily," he stopped as he spoke her name, and readjusted his jaw like it hurt, "told me to stay away. And you didn't let me succumb to the devastation, and neither will we let you succumb."
Jacob's jaw tightened, and maybe there were frustrated and understanding tears building up in his eyes.
"You get anything out of him yet?" Quil asked, still annoyed. He came back with a bowl of what looked like oatmeal, Jacob spied as he let his eyes drop to the bowl in Quil's hands.
Sam sighed and shook his head.
Quil set his lips in a tight line as he dragged the breakfast tray on his lap and forcefully placed the spoon in his hand. The oatmeal did smell surprisingly good; not anything like the thick, gluey mush that Jacob typically made. It has silkier, creamier consistency, and the coils of steam rising from the bowl smelled like cinnamon and comfort. It was difficult to deny that he was quite hungry, so perhaps they'd back off for a bit if he at least made an effort to eat.
He pushed through the discomfort and lifted the spoon to scoop some of the oatmeal, before taking a dramatic bite, eyeing his brothers with a look that seemed to say, 'See? I'm eating, so back off!'
They didn't. At least they let him eat in silence.
But as soon as he began to slow down and take longer between bites, they caught on and Quil took the chair Embry had brought in before and dragged it loudly across the floor, before sitting down. His stare let Jacob know that he wasn't moving from that seat until he got what he wanted.
“We get that you’re pissed about Bella and Carlisle being ba—” Quil started, but Jacob shot him a glare as his grip tightened around the spoon.
“And you should be,” Sam continued. “But if all you do is lie here and let everything you're dealing with eat you alive, none of us can help.”
Quil leaned forward, the movement almost audible in the way his presence shifted; whatever irritation he held was slipping and, in its stead, was a beseeching look. “We’re trying to make it better, Jake. But we can’t if all you do is suffer in silence. So, how can we help?” he whispered.
Jacob swallowed, throat dry—despite the oatmeal— due to nearly a week of disuse. “You think it's that easy, huh? Just talk and everything is going to be better?’” Jacob muttered hoarsely.
He didn't look at them, opting instead to look at the half-eaten bowl of oatmeal. Maybe this wasn't what they had in mind when they wanted him to 'engage' but at least he was replying.
“How do you know if you won’t even try?” Sam asked sharply.
Jacob’s jaw clenched, frustration curled tightly in his chest—not at them necessarily, but at how easy they were making it sound. “How the hell am I supposed to talk about something that none of you can understand?” he shot back through clenched teeth, the frustration starting to leak.
His frame was beginning to tremble, and his nose crinkled and un-crinkled rapidly, like a pressure valve releasing tiny bursts of emotion. His eyebrows furrowed deeply, creating a sharp 'V' above his nose, only to smooth out momentarily before knitting together again in a tense, angry line. His jaw clenched and unclenched, a steady pulse beating in his temple as he gritted his teeth, trying to hold back the storm of fury threatening to explode. His lips pressed into a thin, white line, occasionally trembling with the effort of keeping his emotions at bay. The overall effect was a constant, restless shifting of features, a silent, visual struggle between his desire to appear calm and the intense anger boiling just beneath the surface.
Quil inhaled sharply through his nose, the irritation creeping back in as he did, “You don’t get to assume we won’t understand. You think that Sam of all people doesn’t get what it’s like to be apart from their imprintee?”
Jacob tuned his head, just slightly, just enough for his glare to cut sideways at them. “You wouldn’t get it! You couldn’t.”
“Then make us understand,” Sam shot back. His voice was lower now, more weighted. He wasn’t backing down. Neither of them were.
Jacob’s chest rose and fell, his breath uneven with pain and with barely-held-together rage.
He didn’t want to talk about this.
Didn’t want to just hand over something about himself that was so—raw.
But for the first time in days—he couldn’t stay silent anymore.
Jacob didn’t mean to snap. It just happened.
He slammed his hand against the mattress, hard enough for pain to shoot down his spine and shock Quil and Sam into silence. His chest heaved before he realized he was raising his voice. “I’m so—so sick of everything!” he roared, voice cracking hoarsely like dry twigs. He sat up, back rigid against the pillows, pain lancing through his ribs. “You keep telling me to talk, like it’s that easy. Like I haven’t tried!”
His hands shook, clutching the sheets. His room, which had once been a sanctuary from the outside world, had become his prison, and he hated it. The room smelled like sickness and sweat—everything that reminded him that he was broken and trapped. “I’m trapped—trapped in this fucking body that won’t heal right, that burns every time I breathe, that screams at me if I even shift an inch! You think I want to lie here like some broken thing?!”
He felt sweat bead at his hairline, felt his throat close around each word. “And my dad—Billy—he wheels past the door once a day to ‘check in,’ but he won’t actually come in. He won’t even let me have Bella here or Carli—” he choked around the word but kept talking, unable to stop. Because if he did then he might never get it out, “—like he gets to decide who I need!”
Tears stung his eyes before he could blink them away. He whispers the accusations, his throat too sore to keep yelling. “He…he locks me up in this house, makes the rules, and I can’t—can’t—figure out if Carlisle is actually choosing not to contact me, or if he’s just obeying Billy’s bullshit orders. And that thought—” Jacob’s voice strangles around it, “—that I was so useless that even the one person I care about most might hate me for what happened to Esme…”
He gasped, winding himself tighter around his own guilt. “I might have jumped in front of him to save his life, damn it, but if he blames me—if he’s angry at me, like I deserve—then what do I have left? My heart feels like it’s bleeding out for someone who would never choose me, and now might never want to be near me because of something I didn’t mean to do. That…that ache never goes away. It’s in my nightmares. It’s in every crack of my bones.”
His breathing hitched. “Every night I hear her scream—Esme’s scream—echoing through fire. And then I wake up to this,” he pounded a fist into the sheets, ignoring the pain, “—and it’s the same goddamn blaze. And I—”
His eyes rolled back as the world tipped. The panic slammed into him all at once—the guilt, the rage, the fear of being so vulnerable. His breaths came sharp and shallow, like he’d inhaled broken glass. He coughed, clutching at the mattress, every heartbeat hammering in his throat. The ceiling spun as he fell back against the pillows and mattress groaned under the sudden movement.
Sam lunged forward. Quil was at his side. Warm hands gripped his shoulders.
But Jacob felt only the terror of being this alive, this exposed.
His voice dropped to a tremor, as his erratic breathing left no room for control. “I feel…pathetic. Weak. Stuck. I hate being weak.” Tears spilled down unheeded. “I’m so afraid—afraid I’ll never see him again. Afraid my dad thinks I’m weak. Afraid I am worthless.”
He closed his eyes, head lolling to the side before he opened them again to look at his brothers, and the worry etched on their faces only made the panic spiral faster. “I don’t know how to fix any of it. I—”
He gasped, hyperventilating, tears hot on his cheeks. His world had shrunk to the tightness in his chest and the thunder in his head.
He wanted to scream—but no sound came. Just the echo of his own confession ringing in the space between them.
For a long moment, only Jacob’s ragged breathing filled the room, and his brothers watched him break.
The world melted around him as the panic consumed him. It was like wading under water, and each breath only drowned him instead of bringing him air. Everything was blurred around him, moving quickly yet muted and slow at the edges.
Jacob felt someone lift him— strong arms carefully wrapped themselves under his shoulder and under his knees— but hysteria still squeezed his lungs, and muddled his mind.
“We’ve got you,” Sam murmured, but the words warped and seemed to liquify and echo in Jacob’s mind.
Carlisle hates me. I don’t deserve him. I’m broken. I deserve this.
Quil’s voice cracked as he said, “Take him to the bathroom—”
Jacob could faintly hear the bath start to run a few seconds after Quil disappeared, but the sound was muted, unable to break through his heart hammering in his ears and his thundering breath. He felt his head loll as Sam walked.
He heard the squeak of Billy’s wheelchair, and shame and fear made him tuck his face further into Sam’s chest.
“What’s—” he heard Billy ask through the crashing waves in his head.
“Not now, Billy. He needs space. We’ve got him.” Sam cut him off, not stopping.
Relief and appreciation and shame flooded him.
Quil ran past them towards the front door and returned carrying a plastic bag filled with something, rushing past them into the bathroom again. The hollow clink of ice hitting the tub and shallow water made his chest feel tighter.
Not the cold. Please, not the cold.
He couldn’t bear to feel cold again without him.
But Sam eased him down gently into the tub anyway.
He hates me. I don’t deserve him. I’m broken. I deserve this.
The first splash of cold water was a shock—needles on fever-soaked skin. And yet soothing like—no. All Jacob could do was gasp and let out a choked sob, letting his head fall back against the edge of the tub.
For a heartbeat, the cold sting blurred into a comforting touch.
Carlisle.
Carlisle’s arms, holding him, steady and sure. He felt a soft breath at his ear and heard a gently almost non-existent whisper. “I’m here. I’m right here.”
It felt so real, sounded so real.
But then Quil poured water slowly over his head and into the tub, and the illusion shattered.
It’s not him. He’s not here.
He hates me. I don’t deserve him. I’m broken. I deserve this.
Pain and betrayal coursed through him despite the cold. He started shivering violently; he wasn’t sure if it was because of the panic, the pain, or the cold. His body convulsed as heat and utter loss tangled in his chest. He closed his eyes and curled into a tight ball—ignoring the physical stabbing pain that it brought him—trying to hold the edges of his mind together, trying to hold on to the phantom comforting him, but the water sloshed to and from away from his skin, refusing to let him hold on to the fantasy—exposing how alone he really was.
He hates me. I don’t deserve him. I’m broken. I deserve this.
Sam gripped his shoulders gently with one hand and gently scooped Jacob’s chin away from his chest. “You’re not alone.” His voice was soft but firm. “We’re right here. We’re not going anywhere.”
Quil reached for his hand and placed it against his chest, “Breathe with me Jake.” His steady rhythm tried to guide him. In—two, three, four. Out—five, six, seven, eight.
But through the delirium continued to cut deep. Each inhale was sharper, each exhale shorter. The sting of pain refused to relinquish its control.
He hates me. I don’t deserve him. I’m broken. I deserve this.
Jacob’s vision blurred as tears continued to fall. But he blinked through the wet strands of hair plastered to his face, and for the first time, he saw Sam’s eyes—steady, fierce, unflinching.
“You’re not alone. We’re right here,” Sam repeated. “You’ll be okay.”
Water dripped from Jacob’s hair into his eyes, or it might have just been more tears, but he blinked through it, willing himself to try to match his breathing to Quil’s. He hiccupped out a sob. And let himself feel everything. The pain. The guilt. The comfort his brothers were offering freely. One shaky breath at a time, calm slowly returned, forcing back the drowning feeling in his mind.
The cold finally began to cut thought his panic, and each breath came freer. The water lapped around him—cold, punishing, healing. And in that impossible blend he found something real.
“I’m scared,” he whispered, voice trembling. “I’m so scared.”
Quil brushed damp hair away from Jacob’s forehead, “We know. And it’s ok. We’re not going anywhere.”
He let the cold wash the edges of his terror away, moment by moment, just enough to breathe again. He closed his eyes, head heavy in his brother’s hand, and said at last, “Help me.”
Quil squeezed his hand as Sam gently rubbed his shoulder, and they said together, “We will.”
He heard the creaking wheelchair roll and stop at the doorframe of the bathroom, silent as always, but for the first time since this nightmare of a situation began, Jacob didn’t resent his presence.
And Jacob let himself believe that he just might weather this storm.
⁂
He’d fallen in and out of consciousness after that. But he seemed to recall agreeing to be actually bathed by them. He could recall the icy water draining and being replaced by a hot shallow bath, the steam curling off the water like whispers. Something about relaxing his muscles? He could remember Quil’s steady hands as he peeled off his clothes, and Sam’s quiet orders as he lathered soap on him before rinsing it off.
He remembered that every so often his eyes would snap open in panic when the heat pulled him into a nightmare, but Quil would murmur, “Easy, Jake. We’re right here. You’re okay.”
Next thing he knew, he was dressed again and on his bed again. Quil staring at him with a worried look and Sam snapping his phone shut.
Emily had burst into the room with a furious look, her sleeves rolled up, “What in God’s name are you two doing putting him in a bath with a chest tube? Didn’t I expressly tell you not to get it wet?”
“Em,” Sam’s voice was tight, “We didn’t know what else to do, and I didn’t think—"
“That much is clear,” she muttered darkly. “Seems to be something you do a lot.”
“That’s not fair!” Quil said, raising his voice, but Sam raised his hand to hush him.
“He needed to calm down. He was having a full-blown panic attack, and his fever was worse. What else were we supposed to do?”
“You should have called me!” she retorted. “You needlessly risked an infection! That could kill him in his current state.”
“We did our best given the circumstances. What’s done is done. I’m sorry that we risked an infection, but we were only trying to help. You should have seen him. He could barely breathe…” Sam offered, his voice still even.
For a long moment they just stared at each other, holding their ground. But then Emily finally turned her gaze to Jacob.
“They helped. I don’t think I would have calmed down any other way,” Jacob whispered tiredly.
The scolding seemed to die on her tongue one she saw his slack, pale features, his stuck-wet hair, flushed cheeks, and heavy-lidded eyes.
“Alright, fine. You’re right. What’s done is done. But I’ll need to replace the chest tube. I’ll need more morphine and another chest tube. And,” she blew out a breath, “we might as well do the pleurodesis once the new tube is in.” She looked at Sam pointedly.
“I’ll call Paul to pick up the supplies. He shouldn’t be more than an hour.” Sam confirmed, nodding at a silent conversation Jacob couldn’t decipher in his feverish state.
Emily sighed and relaxed slightly, “You guys are good friends. I’m sorry for yelling. I’m just really out of my depth here…”
“You’re doing better than you think. Don’t sell yourself short,” Sam said with a reverence that was hard to miss.
As his eyes began to drift close, too exhausted to stay awake, he heard her reply, “I haven’t given you enough credit for all you’ve done…”
He was roused by a gentle shake of his shoulder, “Jacob?”
“Hm?” he answered, blinking. Had an hour already passed? He looked around but it was just Emily in the room.
“We’re going to perform a pleurodesis now, ok? You’ll be sedated, so you won’t feel a thing, but it’s ok if you fall asleep. I just don’t want you to panic if you wake up and feel a little more sore than usual, or if breathing feels a little weird.”
“That’s ok,” he mumbled back. “Thank you.”
She smiled back kindly and nodded, “You’ll feel a little pinch, that’ll be the local anesthetic.”
He nodded as he winced at the pinprick.
The ambient sounds of her gloves, and the gently rustling clothes lulled him to sleep, but before he lost his grip on the waking world, he wondered, ‘Who’s ‘we’?’
Notes:
*running away*
I TOLD YOU THE ANGST WOULD BE HERE TO STAY FOR A BIT, OK?
I'M SORRY
(thank you for the love and support, per usual, you guys are amazing!)
Chapter 33: Blood Upon the Snow
Notes:
I'm sorry I've missed updates! The fanfic writer curse is *real*.
My fiance's grandfather passed away and I've been helping him and his family through the hardship. But!
Here we are with another chapter, and there will be another one this following weekend!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jacob
He woke the next morning to the faint tang of antiseptic in his nose and a gentle hand tucking a new blanket around his frame. Emily hovered at his bedside, hair tied back, exhaustion creasing the corners of her eyes.
For the first time in days, Jacob realized he’d slept uninterrupted—no nightmares clawing him back into the fire. His head felt clearer than it had since the accident. It was...a nice change of pace.
“You did great,” Emily said, brushing a damp strand of hair from his forehead. “Your lung’s where it should be. With the talc in place, we shouldn’t have to worry about any more collapses—hopefully ever.”
Jacob’s throat was sandpaper. “Thank you. You’re one hell of a nurse.” He managed a tired grin as she pressed a glass of water to his lips. The cold felt miraculous.
But he could tell that she seemed torn about something; there was something more than exhaustion curling around her eyes.
“What’s wrong?” he asked after a long sip.
Emily hesitated, fingers curling around the glass. “I—uh—don’t feel right taking all the credit, but Sam mentioned something about…your situation with Dr. Cullen.”
Jacob’s heart jerked. “Carlisle?” He propped himself on one elbow. “He was here?” It wasn’t a surprise to him that she knew something about it. After the events on the baseball field, all his brothers knew the extent of his feelings for Carlisle. And they’d all made efforts to tell him that they weren’t bothered by it at all. Romantic, platonic, or diplomatic. Because they could see the depths of his feelings as if they were their own, they simply understood.
Emily shook her head. “Billy would never allow that. No—he walked me through it over the phone. He’s a fantastic teacher, actually,” she said softly.
“Oh…” he drifted off, unsure of what to make of that knowledge. He should have guessed.
Still.
It was a good thing, wasn’t it? That Carlisle had helped, even if he couldn’t be there in person? But the knowledge felt bittersweet too. It was a now familiar ache that Carlisle remained just out of reach.
“Can you hand me my phone?” he asked. Maybe Carlisle had messaged him a good recovery, or some comforting note, he wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do, but not strong enough to not find out.
She nodded and placed it in his waiting palm.
He flipped the screen open and tried not to let the disappointment bite too deep when he didn’t see a new message from him. On impulse, he opened their messages and typed out,
Thanks for helping Emily through the procedure. I’m still breathing thanks to you. I… hope you’re doing well.
He read over the draft over and over, his finger hovering over the send button… but he closed his eyes as he, instead, deleted the message letter by letter and snapped the clamshell closed.
At least it didn’t feel like the world was going to swallow him up. It didn’t feel like regression, deleting the text—it felt like progress.
He laid back down on the pillow and let the morning wash over him—cool sheets, clean air, and the faint pulse of life in his side. Progress.
⁂
The next weeks had settled into a new routine, at least on his end. Emily still stopped by in the morning to check his vitals— his temperature was still flirting with a dangerous fever thanks to the venom— and change out the morphine drip. She’d also coaxed him into taking sponge baths that served the dual purpose of keeping him clean and cooling him down. Even though the last chest tube had been removed, he still couldn’t actually bathe or shower on his own due to having to keep the area where the chest tube had previously occupied dry. There was something motherly in the way she dabbed at the sweat that clung at the base of his skull and his forehead. He appreciated her effort, but hated every second that the cold compress and damp washcloths were passed over his body. It was a reminder that he still couldn’t do much without assistance. And had the unfortunate effect of drawing up panic when he was particularly feverish. His concussion still blurred the edges of his vision if the room was particularly bright and sounds occasionally felt too sharp.
He ate his meals without complaint, and bit back the nausea that seemed to follow him like a specter. Another side effect of concussions, apparently. So far, the only things he seemed to be able to eat without issue were fish broth, soft eggs, and toast. Man, he missed burgers. But when Paul tried sneaking him one the previous day, he’d thrown up not ten minutes after eating. Which meant another sponge bath while Emily berated Paul over the phone as he changed the bed sheets.
His brothers visited him in different configurations. Usually Sam visited in the mornings, no doubt to spend time in Emily’s presence. Jacob both hated that and was happy for Sam all at once. They seemed to be getting along better. And that tasted like bitter weeds in his mouth, but he smiled nonetheless. Quil and Embry usually showed up together, comic books or with a new ridiculous story in tow. Jared visited with Sam sometimes, and others with Paul. Paul… was trouble. He treated Jacob least like a fragile china cup.
It was a blessing and a curse. He’d all but goaded Jacob into following him on unsteady feet to the kitchen to eat there instead, which had felt great for all of two minutes before his blood pressure dropped and he’d almost hit his head against the dining room table. And between that and the burger debacle, it was safe to say that he wasn’t allowed to visit by himself anymore. But Jacob knew that it was just Paul trying to help him not feel so trapped, so didn’t hold either disaster against him.
Each visit chipped away at the isolation that he’d been imagining in his head, but exhaustion always settled into his bones after their visits like an injury of its own.
And with sleep, the nightmares returned. Not all the time, and not as intense. But he woke up slick with sweat, heart pounding, those same damn phantom flames still licking at his arms. He’d be soothed by Emily calling his name softly and bringing him back to the real world, but he felt the same uneasy churn of dread. Because every waking moment was just a countdown until he was asleep. How many nights would it be until he heard his name come from the person he most wished to hear it from?
As the familiar echo of Esme’s scream faded and the feeling of heat changed from the inferno flames of his nightmares and into the now familiar fever’s heat, he knew he was waking up. He flinched as he felt something cool against his forehead before leaning into it. “Shh,” Emily’s voice soothed him, “you’re safe. You’re here.”
He blinked his eyes open and let himself relax. Out of the corner of his eye caught Sam standing just inside the doorway, frozen in mid-step. His jaw was clenched, eyes bright with something— anger, envy, both?— and his shoulders tensed as Emily brushed away a lock of hair from Jacob’s forehead with gentle care. They locked eyes for a moment and Jacob could swear he could see the shame on Sam’s face as he looked away and composed himself before knocking lightly on the door. “I brought you something to eat, Em,” he said, holding up the plastic bag.
“Oh, thank you. Can you leave it on the dining table?” She smiled at him with guarded eyes.
They’d started to get along a little more, but every time that Jacob thought they might be getting somewhere, Emily shut Sam out with the same guarded look and made an excuse to leave. It didn’t bring Jacob any joy when he saw the pain in Sam’s face when she did that. It reminded him that he still might face the possibility of rejection when he felt well enough—and brave enough— to finally ask Carlisle why he hadn’t tried to talk to him.
Eventually Emily left and Sam stayed to keep Jacob company. They talked about anything except the Cullens, or Emily, or even pack stuff. Just two friends—brothers— trying to keep each other whole. Soon enough though, exhaustion and new morphine had dragged him to sleep again, and when awoke it wasn’t Sam in the room with him, but Quil and Embry.
They were—loudly—moaning about having to make up some classes in summer school.
“At least you don’t have to retake all of your core class tests,” Jacob said as he tried to sit up and re-adjust his pillows behind him.
“Jake! Hey, look who’s awake!” Embry teased.
“What time is it?” he said as he rolled his eyes and twisted to glance at his alarm clock.
It was late afternoon. He was asleep most of the day, great.
Irritation scratched at the base of his mind.
It had officially been two weeks since the baseball game. Two weeks without a word from Carlisle.
It wasn’t like they hadn’t gone longer without communicating, but surely life-threatening ailments should have prompted some kind of message from a supposed friend.
“Hellooo? Earth to Black!” Quil waved his hand in front of his face.
“What?” he asked in frustration, brushing his hand away.
“Did you really not hear us? We’re planning a coup!” Embry said as he looked down at his phone with excitement. Quil was looking at him strangely and nodded at him with a tilted chin, asking him silently if he was okay.
He just rolled his eyes and shrugged. “What does that mean, a ‘coup’?”
“Well…” Embry smirked as he snapped his phone closed and settled into the chair that seemed a permanent fixture in his room, “Billy’s out with Harry. And we decided that you deserve to spend time with someone who’s been asking nonstop about you!”
Before he could ask what the hell he was talking about, or get his hopes up that this might be Carlisle, the front door creaked open, and soft steps approached his room. “Hello?”
His heart was hammering in his chest.
“Bella?” he shot up in the bed as she peeked her head in.
“Jake!” she lit up and hurried over to his side. Or tried to, anyway. In her haste, she’d failed to see the power cord to the vitals machine and tripped. Quil caught her with ease, but Embry and Jacob were already roaring with laughing. Even if his head pounded with pain, the laugh was worth it. She glowered at him with mock anger. “You’re such a jerk, Jacob!”
She thanked Quil and when she finally was at Jacob’s side, she hugged him as best she could and he returned it twice as hard, ignoring the roaring pain in his chest and side. But as soon as she pulled away, she said, “Are you ok?”
“I mean, I’m alive,” he attempted humor.
“What doesn’t hurt?” she said with worry.
“It’s really just my upper body that took a beating. My legs are fine—ow! What are you doing?” He said rubbing absentmindedly at the place where she’d just pinched his leg. “What was that for?!”
“That’s for not answering any of my texts or calls, you prick!” She folded her arms in front of her chest. Okay, maybe it wasn’t mock anger she was glowering at him with.
“I’ve been pretty out of it Bells,” he protested weakly.
“See, that’s funny, because Embry told me that they’ve been visiting you and that you were looking better than last week.”
He glared at Embry. Embry merely shrugged with a grin.
Traitor.
“I—” he closed his mouth. Jacob didn’t really have a valid excuse as to why he’d been ignoring her calls and messages. He did feel bad about it. But there was no logical way to explain that it made him upset that she at least tried, whereas he just maintained radio silence. And that hurt.
And if he started talking to Bella, then Edward would find out that he was fine. Which meant Carlisle might find out he was fine. And maybe Jacob wanted him to not know either way. Not unless he reached out first. And that was a really shitty reason to keep Bella in the dark.
“I’m sorry, I just haven’t known what to say,” he said lamely.
She just stared at him with her mouth twisted into a pout, but sank unto the bed next to him, “I’m just glad you’re okay. How long are you going to be on bed rest?”
“Unknown,” he furrowed his brows, “until my body gets rid of all of the venom. Until then, I’m stuck healing even slower than a normal person, apparently. But there haven’t been any discernible changes.” He really fucking hated that. He’d almost wished that they’d kept the leech alive so he could remove his head himself. Almost.
“I wish that Billy would listen to reason and let you be treated at the Cullen’s place. Edward and Rosalie were discussing the possibility of getting a hemodialysis machine here so they could just clean your blood that way. Alice had way too much fun—”
She continued to speak but the words faded away.
All he could focus on was the fact that Edward and Vampire Barbie were the ones discussing treatment options. Not Carlisle. Had he decided that Jacob wasn’t worth the effort? Did he do his part and now wanted nothing to do with him? Was this the sign that Jacob had been waiting for?
He knotted the sheets under his hands and felt a pang of indignation and heartbreak at the thought.
“—he changes his mind, but I keep—Jake?” she interrupted herself, frowning.
“We should have warned you,” Quil said, looking at him with that damn pitying look that Jacob was really starting to be sick of, “we don’t really talk about the Cullens since the fight.”
“It’s fine,” he said tersely, “I’m not going to break if she talks about the Cullens.”
But that was maybe a lie, because he could feel thin, spindly lines begin to form in the mental dam he’d created to push back the hurt. He felt flushed and it might have been another fever spike, or just the heat of his emotions rising to the surface. But regardless, he ignored the feeling. He forced a smile on his face, “How was the last week of junior year?”
Bella pursed her lips with worry before he nudged her, “C’mon, I’ve been missing out on all of your drama. Is that Mike kid still a twat?”
She rolled her eyes and launched into a defense of her friend and started talking about the prank Erik had tried—and failed—to pull on him. But he wasn’t really listening, just nodding and smiling when he thought it might be appropriate.
Because now his mind was entirely focused on reinforcing the crumbling wall of his emotions. And he was losing it. He thoughts dragged him back to Carlisle. ‘Just hold it together’, he told himself, ‘just a little longer.’ But the effort was exhausting, and he could feel the pressure building behind his eyes, a physical manifestation of the turmoil within. ‘Why can't I just let it go?’ he thought, his frustration growing with each passing second.’ Why does it matter so much? He’s probably at her side now, looking after the injuries I gave her, without a single care or thought of me.’
He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, but it was no use. The cracks were spreading, and no amount of willpower could stem the tide. He felt a surge of anger, directed at himself for being so weak, so pathetic. ’I'm losing it,’ he thought, his heart pounding in his chest. ‘Keep it together, Jacob. Don’t make Bella worry about you anymore than she already is.’
“Are you sure you’re ok?” Bella asked, touching his hand tenderly.
“I’m fine,” he snapped, though his voice cracked. Damn this never-ending fever that limited his control! He stared at the wall, well aware that there were tears forming in his eyes.
“You look… restless,” Quil pressed as Embry nodded silently.
And they were all staring at him like he was fragile, and weak—and something broke inside of him.
He dragged his hands over his face, “I’m tired, ok? Tired of pretending that this week has been better when nothing has really changed where it matters! I feel like my heart is being ripped open for someone who doesn’t feel the same way!” His voice echoed off the pale walls and he was suddenly glad that Billy wasn’t there to hear this. Last time he’d lost it he’d been too weak to really raise his voice. But if he were here now, there would be no denying what he was saying. “I feel pathetic—I’m infatuated over a man who can’t be bothered to even call or send a lousy message!” he sobbed. Saying the words aloud gave them power and he realized that he sounded like a cliché. Like a pitiful, lovesick teenager getting his heart broken for the first time over someone who couldn’t give a damn.
“What do you mean he hasn’t reached out?” Bella said, her tone full of disbelief.
“Just that. I haven’t heard from him at all. Not that I blame him,” Jacob scoffed, still trying to pretend he wasn’t crying like a child, “I wouldn’t want anything to do with me either after I hurt his wife.”
“Esme?” Bella tilted her head in more confusion, looking to Quil and Embry for help, but they shook their head and shrugged. “What does Esme have to do with this?”
“Don’t play dumb, you were all there! I remember,” he rebuked them. “When I got between Carlisle and the hunter she was there too. I remember my claws tearing through her flesh…” His nightmares whispered in the back of his head, the hellfire of his dreams licked the edges of his consciousness, and her scream echoed.
“But Jake,” Bella started, her brows knotted, “Esme’s fine. Her arm was fine the same night. Her venom healed her completely; she doesn’t even have a scar. No one blames you for that. Edward would have mentioned something otherwise…”
His throat caught on a sob, and his words came out like a strangled whisper, “Then why won’t he talk to me?”
The change in her was immediate. She straightened her back and reached for her phone, stored in her back pocket. “I don’t know, but there has to be a logical explanation. Edward owes you at least that. I’ll just call him and tell him to put Carli—”
“No!” he protested, another sob ripping from his chest, “If he doesn’t want to talk to me, I won’t force him, Bella.”
“But—” she started.
“If he doesn’t want that, then don’t push,” Quil interrupted. “His fever is back, and this can’t be good for his recovery. Jake, you can’t keep going around in circles about this. Maybe he’s been busy at work or something. Bella’s right, though. There has to be a reason he hasn’t called or whatever. But it doesn't mean the reason is bad. I’m sure they’re running patrols too, making sure there’s no more vampires lurking around.”
Jacob just sobbed, openly now, his dam in pieces. Because they could be right, and that would make his worrying and his nightmares even more pathetic. But they could be wrong, and then what was he supposed to do?
“Oh, crap!” Embry said, jumping out of his seat. “I totally forgot about this, because of the plan to sneak Bella in, but Carlisle hasn’t written you off Jake. And I have proof!” He grabbed his ratty old backpack, and pulled out a familiar journal. “I went this morning for a check-up, just to make sure that all the venom was out of my system. And not that anyone has asked, but I’m fine, thanks!”
“Embry!” Quil scolded him.
“Right, yeah sorry. But before I left, Carlisle asked me to give you this,” he handed Jacob the journal. “He said something about owing you a journal, and that this might be a good way to beat bed rest boredom or something. But see? He can’t be mad at you if he’s still giving you things, right?”
But Jacob was no longer listening. In his hands, the leather tome felt like a sliver of salvation. He ran his hand over the soft leather, tracing the embossed spine with quiet veneration. ‘C. Cullen, 1675.’ He cried and laughed softly, wiping away the tears before they could land on the journal. This wasn’t much, but it was something.
“See, Jake?” Bell said with a smile, “There’s hope, yet.”
He nodded and continued to wipe at his tears with a smile. He wanted to tear into the journal right away, but he didn’t want to read it in front of them, and besides, he was so tired. It was still annoying how quickly his body begged for rest after the smallest alteration.
Before he could ask them for space, they all turned to look at the doorway. The squeaky brakes of Harry’s car had just stopped in front of the house.
Shit.
“Fuck, how are we going to get you out?” Embry said to Bella, eyes wide with panic.
“I don’t think it matters! There’s no way they didn’t see my truck when they pulled up,” she gnawed on her lip.
“It’s fine, he can’t actually be surprised that this happened,” Jacob said. “I’ll say that I called you and that’ll be that.”
“Right. Well, in any case, you should probably clean up a little, Jake. If Billy sees you like this, he might blame Bella, and then she’s really not going to be allowed visits,” Quil said as he handed Jacob a small wet rag, and a box of tissues.
That was a good point. He got to work cleaning his face and blowing his nose, trying to get rid of any proof that he’d been crying like a little kid.
The vehicle started to pull away and the front door opened.
Billy’s wheelchair was creaking quickly as he made his way towards them. They all nodded, and Bella reached out to squeeze Jacob’s hand.
“I know I’m old, but I’m not senile,” Billy started as he reached the doorway, his voice bitter and tired. “I thought I was clear that Jacob couldn’t have visitors yet Bella.”
“I called her, Dad,” Jacob defended. “I missed her. And it’s not like I’m a prisoner, right?” He couldn’t quite keep his own bitterness out of his tone.
He sighed, “You’re not. But you are recovering, and I won’t have her agitating you.”
“It’s not like she came here to run laps with him, Billy. It’s fine,” Embry joked, rolling his eyes.
“That’s not the point—” he stopped and sighed again, rolling into the room and stopping in front of the bed. “Fine, clearly you won’t listen to me, but maybe Charlie will be interested to know that you came here against my explicit orders.”
“Charlie knows I’m here. He thought you were being a little too strict too, he wanted to stop by too, actually. Maybe next time I’ll bring him along,” Bella said, cooly and undeterred from the threat.
“Unless you’ve stopped spending time with them, then I don’t see what business you have here, Bella. They—” he stopped cold, his face going white. He was looking at the journal in Jacob’s hands. As Jacob followed his gaze, he tightened his hands around, almost afraid that Billy might reach out and take it from him. “What is that doing in my house?” he asked, his tone clipped, spying the name on the spine.
“It’s just a journal to help me pass the time,” Jacob said, trying to sound bored.
“I’m not blind either, Jacob. I can see the name on the side!” He bit, and turned quickly to Bella, “You brought this into my home, didn’t you? Didn’t you?”
She squared her shoulders, ready to take the blame, “It’s just a journal, Billy. And Jacob’s been so bored, Carlisle just thought—”
“I don’t care what they think! I can’t believe that you’d drag that Cold One filth into my house!” he roared, his face starting to look like a plum.
Jacob tried to sit up, “Hey! It’s just a damned journal! And he’s my friend so stop with that shit!”
Billy ignored him, pointing to the door, “Get out of my house Bella. You too,” he growled to Quil and Embry, “I know that you had something to do with all of this.”
“Dad!” Jacob protested.
“Out! And were going to talk about this, Jacob!” he rolled backwards to give Bella space to get off the bed. She looked at Quil and Embry before mouthing a silent sorry to Jacob and started to leave. They followed behind her.
Even after they were outside, Jacob could still hear Billy yelling at them about ‘irresponsibility’ and ‘bad influences’ and he couldn’t take it.
He left the journal under his pillow and forced himself onto unsteady feet. He groaned at the pain at his side but carefully made himself take a step, and then another, until he was at the front door. Quil gasped and tried to sidestep Billy, who turned his head to see Jacob limp to the ramp and support his weight against the rails.
“Stop it, Dad,” he groaned between gasps.
“Go back to bed, Jacob. This isn’t good for you,” Billy said, staring angrily at Bella and his brothers like somehow it was their fault that he’d followed them out.
“Being held prisoner isn’t good for me,” he countered. “Are you going to forbid my brothers from coming to visit me next? They associate with the Cullens too, or did you forget that? Are you going to put bars on my windows next too?”
“Don’t be ridiculous! And get back inside before you collapse!” Billy snapped back.
“Jake, please go back. You’re going to make things worse for yourself. Let me at least help him back to bed, Billy,” Quil interceded.
Billy nodded tersely.
“No! Not until he,” Jacob pointed a shaky finger at Billy, “agrees to let Bella come back whenever she wants.”
He said nothing and just stared daggers at Bella.
She closed her eyes and sighed, “It’s fine, Jake. We’ll figure this out. Just get back to bed, please, don’t get worse because of me.” She shook her head and side-stepped Billy to hug Jacob lightly. “I’ll let you know as soon as I’m home. We’ll figure something else out,” she whispered as she let him go and made her way to her truck, shooting daggers back at Billy before slamming her truck door shut and starting the engine with a roar.
It wasn’t until the truck was tiny down the road that Billy nodded at Embry and Quil, “Help him back into bed, please.”
“No!” Jacob growled, trying to appear more balanced than he felt, “I won’t go back there as a prisoner. Tell me she can come back!”
“She’s a bad influence, Jacob! Those Cullens,” he spat the word like an insult, “are a bad influence. Bella would have never disobeyed before she met them. She wouldn’t risk your health!”
“What is your problem with them? Why are you the only one unwilling to see that they’re good people?” Jacob shouted back.
“They’re not even people! God knows what they’ve done to you boys to convince you of such lies, but they’re monsters. It was one of them that did this to you!”
“No, it wasn’t! If it weren’t for Carlisle, I probably wouldn’t be alive now!” he defended them.
“And whose fault is all of this?” Billy shot back. “If it weren’t for them trying to get friendly and convince you kids to erase the Treaty, then you wouldn’t have been there to begin with!”
“We approached them in the first place!” Jacob growled as he took another step towards them. He felt something warm start to flow at his side, but he ignored it, willing the pain to disappear.
“Um, guys? Let’s calm down, ok? This can’t be good for Jake. Just look at him Billy! He’s burning up. Let’s just get him to bed and talk about this some other time, ok? We’ll call Emily to check on him,” Quil tried.
But the words fell on deaf ears; Jacob was still shaking with anger, staring down Billy, and Billy was still staring back, with no intentions of backing down.
“Dude, I think we should go get Sam. This doesn’t look good,” Embry said to him, when neither of them responded.
Quil hesitated but nodded, “Get back to bed, Jacob. I’m serious, I can see that you’ve torn your stitches. And stop antagonizing Billy. I’ll go get Sam. Embry, you go get Emily.”
They looked at each other for another second before nodding and going off in opposite directions.
“You really think that they won’t take advantage of the Treaty being squashed to wreak havoc on this town? You think your friend won’t be the first casualty?” Billy said to him with an even voice, with his head held high, as if he thought he had checkmate.
“They wouldn’t! Why can’t you get it through your thick skull that they’re good? Rosalie and Esme run a charity, for Christ’s sake! Carlisle is a damned doctor! You really think they’d do all of that just as an act?!”
“I won’t take the chance. I don’t care what they do. They’ll never get my vote to dissolve the Treaty. Ever.” He said this with a finality that boiled Jacob’s blood. “They’re too dangerous. Just look at what happened to you. That’s what happens when you’re friends with them.”
“You’re the one hurting me!” Jacob shouted, not caring if his words were harsh. He needed to get it out, for his dad to understand that he made a bad decision. “I could be there, with the Cullens—with him—receiving better care. They have more experience with all of this, and better equipment! I might already have healed if you weren’t so damned stubborn. And what’s worse, you’re keeping me away from the only person who can make me feel better, and sees me!” His chest heaved. The edges of his vision blurred. “I feel like my soul is being torn apart. And the only one who makes it bearable—the only one I want and need—is him! But you won’t even let him near me.”
He breathed unevenly and quickly, his shoulders rising and falling with each painful breath. The evening breeze felt nice against his fevered skin. His legs were less wobbly, but the pain and exhaustion was starting to catch up with him.
“What did you say?” Billy said with shock.
The silence that followed landed heavy and sharp.
What had he said? Why was he reacting like—oh fuck.
“What has that monster done to you?” Billy whispered in horror.
“Nothing! He hasn’t done anything to me, you don’t get it. You must have misheard, or misinterpreted something like you always do,” he growled out.
Fuck. Fuck. Did he suspect? Maybe he could salvage the situation.
“Don’t treat me like an idiot, Jacob! Now tell me what that son of a bitch has done! We’ll tell Sam, tell the Council, and he won’t be able to reach you anymore. Don’t protect that monster!” he all but shouted.
That would be a ‘no’ to salvaging this then.
“Dad, you have it wrong. Carlisle would never do anything to hurt me! I imprinted on him, ok? He’s the Cullen I imprinted on! But he doesn’t even know…” He hated that this was the way Billy was finding out, or that he was finding out at all.
“Don’t be ridiculous, Jacob. Whatever he told you is a lie. Sam will tell you that you’re wrong! This has to break something in the Treaty! We’ll call a meeting and destroy them tonight! He will never touch you again!”
“You will do no such thing,” Jacob growled back, taking a step towards him. Billy’s words held no weight, the pack wouldn’t dare lift a finger against the Cullens for this, but it didn’t take away the threat. “If you do anything of the sort, I’ll leave, and I won’t come back.” This was a promise.
“If you won’t see reason then I’ll tell Charlie! They’ll have to leave if Charlie tries to arrest him for corrupting you.” Billy wasn’t even listening to him anymore. He was mumbling, planning, and scheming to himself.
But Jacob wasn’t listening either. Because Billy was threatening something that would definitely force the Cullens away, force Carlisle away, and he couldn’t have that.
His blood boiled, his bones ached, and his skin felt foreign.
“I’m going to call Charlie and Sam now, and you’re going back to bed, Jacob! Even if I have to have Sam order you!”
And despite all the times Jacob had broken over that last couple of weeks felt like child’s play. Because this time, when Jacob broke, he broke out of his skin, out of his bones. And Billy was no longer in front of his fevered son, but a snarling wolf who would do anything to protect his mate.
In the back of his mind he heard familiar voices, shocked at his appearance within their shared mind space, but he ignored them, taking sure, calculated steps towards the man who would dare to threaten his mate.
His muzzle pulled over his teeth as he growled.
One step.
Then another.
A couple more and this man would never get between him and his mate again.
‘Jake, stop!’
‘He doesn’t mean it, he’s just angry!’
‘Just wait for us to get Sam, please! Don’t hurt him!’
It was that final plea, combined with the utter terror sketched on Billy’s face that finally broke him out of his thoughts.
He staggered. The world tilted.
Shame filled him. It burned like acid. He took a step back, his ears flat against his head, and he ran.
‘What have I done?’
This was familiar. Running away from Billy in fear, not of him, but of himself.
The voices in his head pleaded with him, but he paid them no heed. He had to get away before he did something else he couldn’t take back.
The small tear at his side from the chest tube was no longer a small wound. In his shifting, it had stretched across his side to accommodate his wolf size, and it burned. His chest felt tighter now than it had felt before, and even in wolf form, the fever and fatigue chased him.
Every breath was fire. Every thought a jagged blade. He tasted hot iron in his mouth, and he thinks that it’s the taste of regret too.
He felt like he was trapped in his nightmare again.
Maybe that’s all it was. A nightmare. He howled into the wind, uncaring that it made his chest and sides throb with pain.
But he kept running, pushing through the agony. Not caring what way he ran, as long as it was far away from there.
He could still hear his brothers calling out to him, begging him to stop, but he couldn’t. Wouldn’t.
How could he face them after almost killing his own father?
The pain started to become too much, and his run turned into a trot, which turned into a limp.
He tried to catch his breath, but in the wind, a familiar scent kept him moving.
It was moss, and rain, and pines. The river, and the flowering fields.
As the scent grew stronger, he realized where he was.
And he found that he didn’t care.
If he was going to succumb to his wounds, to his poor decisions, he wanted to see him one last time.
His legs could hardly keep him up as he came upon the house. All the lights were on, like a beacon. Like hope.
‘Just a couple more steps. Just one more,’ he told himself. He clawed forward, his ribs rattling under his fur. Each step was agony, but more was the agony of not getting to see his face again.
But before he could reach the door, his legs gave out and he felt himself shift back. His bones, his muscles, everything, ached and throbbed. He was on his side, and felt the gravel bite his naked skin. The blood from his side began to pool, making him sticky and dizzy.
His eyes began to open and close on their own accord, no longer obeying his commands. His breath was ragged and thin, and each lungful of air felt like fire.
The door opened, and there he was, his angel.
“Jacob!”
Not a nightmare, then. The best dream.
In a heartbeat, Carlisle’s arms closed around him—solid, cool, real.
He was saying something, but he could no longer make out the words. So, he leaned into his icy skin instead.
The world went dark, and Jacob knew peace again.
Notes:
So. Much. Angst!
Sorry not sorry.
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