Chapter Text
Flash of big toothy smile. Hand wiping away chocolate.
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Hank Voight was at his desk. He took a gulp of scotch as he lifted the file that was taunting him all afternoon. His hand gently glided over the cover which read - Coroner Report: Detective Jay A. Halstead.
It had been 19 weeks and 3 days since Jay went missing. Those five months were the most harrowing of the intelligence unit's lives. Jay was gone and no matter what leads they chased down they couldn't find him nor bring him home.
They had all worked together for so long their collective hearts became one beating vessel. With one violently ripped away everything was off kilter. It was not the same and it never would be.
After 7 weeks CPD forced them to take on new cases. They protested at first, but eventually they accepted they couldn't search forever. After some pretty intense protests and unwillingness to adhere, they relented. Chicago always had something up its sleeve. Intelligence was needed to keep the balance between good and evil.
They never gave up though. They always had one foot in their new cases and one foot in trying to find their brother. They’d search and fight until he was brought home where he belonged.
Hailey continued to come to work -- day in and day out -- as much as she tried to hide it and to compensate for her heartache- she was a shell of herself. Work was the only thing that sustained her through her tormented abyss.
The unknowing was cruel.
Where was he? What was happening to him? Was he in pain? Was he calling out for her?
How the heck are you supposed to go on living your life when a part of your soul is nowhere to be found?
When you don't know their fate?
When they could be out there alone. suffering, desperate to be saved?
All the unknowns, all the unanswered questions left CPD's Intelligence unit in an anxious limbo they could not escape.
That was until today. Today they finally got an answer.
Tragically it was not the one they were desperately searching for.
Jay was dead.
They had chased down a lead that came to them somewhat suspiciously. A boy showed up with a popcorn container. In it was Jay’s badge smeared in blood. Pinned to it was an address.
Something about it felt too easy. They followed the lead to a warehouse in Indiana, but they were too late. An explosion set everything a blaze until the entire edifice was burnt to the ground. A few remains were pulled from the wreckage. They were so badly burned and crushed the medical examiner had to rely on pulling dental records to identify the victims.
After 5 treacherous days of waiting top brass visited Jay’s next of kin. As a sign of respect they didn’t just send anyone. The Chief himself came. First at the district and then to Med to relay the painful truth to Jay’s surviving family – his wife and brother.
The dental records from one of the cinged remains matched Jay's.
It was over. He was really gone.
The words from the messengers were straightforward and sympathetic. She stared at Jay's empty desk as she glazed over no longer hearing what they were saying. The rest of the team inched closer to her finally wrapping her in their arms. In the safety of their embrace, Hailey began to sob -- the past months had been hell, but she held out hope that her sweet, brooding, fierce, huge hearted man would return home.
She believed it so deeply it kept the true grip of grief from entering her heart. He felt alive in her. The feeling was so real. Alas, it was all an exercise of magical thinking. Whatever the rest of her life would entail, it would be without the only person she ever truly loved.
Hank spent the afternoon consoling his team. He made sure to spend at least a minute or two with each of them one on one. Despite having an inkling of who was behind Jay's kidnapping and murder, he uncharacteristically ordered everyone to take the next day off. They all needed to begin to process the loss and let go of any guilt they harbored for not finding him in time.
So when the sun had long set, he was finally alone. Just him, Jay's death certificate, and coroner's report.
He quickly scanned the documents. After decades on the job he knew how to read these like a nursery rhyme. They all had the same cadence and rhythm.
This time the words were about one of his own.
For Hank there was no work family and home family. There were no lines. Jay, Hailey, Kevin, Kim, Adam, and Dante were the closest people in his world and in his heart. And Jay was his better angel, always pushing him to be the more ethical version of himself. Now his boy was reduced to a few summarizing statements:
"Burned beyond recognition."
"Evidence of torture."
"Molar extraction 100% match for Jay Alexander Halstead."
For the first time since Al died, Hank wept with wild abandon. His office providing the perfect shield from the rest of the world. His leaking tears evidence of his heart's crushing pain.
When he heard rustling in the office, he began wiping his tears, only to discover it was Trudy.
She didn’t miss a beat and came over to push his hands away from wiping away the liquid anguish exiting his body.
"Not tonight you don’t. Tonight we let it out," she ordered as she sat down with a matching tear-stained face and poured herself some scotch.
Sound of children laughing. Sunlight glistening between leafy trees.
Hailey and Will had grown closer during Jay's disappearance. Unable to process his absence they could relate to one another's shared heartache. Will was the only one who fully understood the immense size of the hole Jay left behind. And Hailey was the only other person that loved Jay as deeply as Will.
They'd check in with one another. Share meals occasionally. Hailey even began joining him watching Black Hawk games and by spring, White Sox games. Something he and Jay would try to do at least once a week.
Being together made each of them feel closer to Jay. Every joke they made about him, every memory conjured kept Jay's presence alive and well. The balance of their worlds was off kilter yes, but Jay was still with them trying to even things out.
The night his death was confirmed they spent crying in each other's arms. It broke them each in a way that felt unrepairable. It hurt in ways they couldn't confront alone. It was the most devastating loss they would ever experience.
Wiping away chocolate. Laughter, Big heartwarming smile.
The next morning Hank realized he could not follow his own advice and he stumbled into the office. He wanted to get a jump on finding the monster that did this to his boy and bringing him to justice. Jay deserved so much more than he received. He would at that very least get justice in his name.
He was shocked to find everyone already at their desks working the morning away.
“I thought I told you to take the day,” Hank said.
“You said we need to process. We need to find a way to let go of the guilt. This is how we do that,” Kim said matter of fact.
Hank smacked a photo onto the board. “Alexander “Sasha” Shusterovich.”
“Is that the prick we took down years back for selling hundreds of keys of heroine every week?” Adam asked.
“That’s the one,” Hank nodded.
“How the hell did he get out?” Adam asked incredulously. “He was responsible for hundreds of deaths in Illinios alone. Not to mention the rest of the Mid-West”
“During Covid, in the name of de-densifying overcrowded prisons, they let some people out early that were eligible for parole. It was only supposed to be non-violent offenders.” Hank answered.
“Someone’s hands got greased,” Kevin surmised.
“Yeah and Sasha had a lot of dirty money to grease with,” Hank added.
Dante pulled up the file. “Says here his son Mikael was killed when we raided their safe house. Hank was the officer that fired.”
“I shot the prick and Jay and Adam arrested Sasha,” Hank added.
“When that kid dropped off the popcorn box with the clue for the warehouse in Indiana, he had a thick Russian accent. It was unique though, it took me a minute to place it. But it was the same dialect Sasha and his boys spoke.”
“So you think this was an eye for an eye?” Adam asked.
“More like a son for a son,” Hank sighed.
Crack of the bat. Laughter. Sun glistening. Big toothy smile, chocolate.
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“Hailey no one is here to put you on a timeline. Grief is not linear. But it has been a week since we heard from the coroner. The brass wants to do a full CPD funeral and procession to honor Jay. The military wants to give him a proper sendoff too. But they can’t do anything without your blessing,” Hank gently implored.
“Jay was beloved- the CPD feels it’s important for everyone in blue to have a chance to pay their respects,” Hank added.
Hailey knew Hank was right. Of course Jay deserved to be honored, to be celebrated, to be buried honorably by his family in blue. She just couldn’t do it. She couldn’t say the words. Doing so would mean he was really gone. Despite all the evidence before her, she wasn’t ready to fully accept the totality of the truth and all that it meant. Deep inside she didn’t believe it was true.
Will got down to her eye level. “Hailey, he is laying in the coroner’s office. He wouldn’t want that. We can’t leave him there like that,” he said softly but earnestly.
“Something small. Jay doesn’t like to be the center of attention. He would hate the pomp and circumstance,” she responded looking despondently across the room to avoid eye contact with anyone.
Kim, Kevin, and Adam were standing against the wall. “I’ll help. Only brass that has to be there, 21st family maybe some of his friends from CFD,” Kim chimed in.
“And his Rangers brothers,” Adam added.
“We can do this. Small, lowkey, genuine. That is who Jay is…” Kevin stopped himself before correcting to was.
Laughter. Baseball flying through the air. Sun glistening through the leafy trees.
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Small is all relative. Especially when you are talking about a beloved and highly decorated police detective and elite Army Ranger. Jay wasn’t the most outgoing of men, but during his decade and a half career he shared meaningful encounters with many people- whether in boot camp, Afghanistan, the streets of Chicago... Those shared experiences created connections that were bigger than staying in touch via text. They were unbreakable bonds built to withstand the test of time.
Mouse joined Intelligence in the front row.
The ceremony was simple and heartfelt. The theme etched on the program was David Eagleman’s concept of three deaths: “There are three deaths. The first is when the body ceases to function. The second is when the body is consigned to the grave. The third is that moment, sometime in the future, when your name is spoken for the last time.”
Hailey’s one wish was that Jay’s legacy and name would be spoken for as long as possible. It was a call to action.
Friends and colleagues were invited to share stories, memories, recollections… anything to keep Jay’s spirit with everyone. Jay’s and Hailey’s village headed the call.
Countless speakers came up regaling the room of Jay’s heroics, his antics, his acute sensitivity, his bravery, his kindness, his tenderness, his intensity, his moodiness, his boyish sense of humor…. and most of all his undeniable humanity.
His intelligence family did not speak. They laughed, they cried, they held each other tight. But what they had to share about their brother, husband, and son was not meant for a crowd. It was too intimate, too raw and exposed. Not ready for primetime. Not yet.
Hailey did not cry. She sat in silence. Trying her best to let the stories of her beloved’s goodness wrap her mourning soul in warmth. When the flag from Jay’s coffin was folded and handed to her. She buried her face in it hoping the rest of the room would just disappear.
In the end Will got up for him and Hailey. He saw she did not have it in her to speak. He himself was deep in grief se he kept it short.
“Thank you all for being here and for sharing your glimpses of our guy. I don’t think you can ever move on from losing someone like Jay Halstead. But I do believe we can all move forward with his righteousness in our hearts. Let him inspire us to be better and do better. Jay Halstead did many things well but above all he always tried to do the right thing. We all try to do a little more of that and we can truly honor him and ensure that his name is spoken for generations to come.”
That afternoon a small private group went to the cemetery where Jay’s and Will’s parents were buried. He had been burned badly, Hailey and Will didn’t have it in their hearts to cremate him further. When Jay’s coffin was lowered to the ground Hailey’s heart went right along with it. She let out a wail that echoed hauntingly through the air. That was it. It was her first acknowledgment that he was really gone. Her release granted permission for everyone including Hank to let it rip. And they did.
Burying someone at a young age when there was so much love left to share is the utmost cruelty the world has to offer. Yet here they were standing arm over arm burying one of their own.
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Chocolate rimmed smile. Hand smack.
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After the ceremony the mourners ended up at Molly’s the crowd of 150 at the funeral swelled tothousands. All day long people flowed in and out to pay their respects. Former Rangers, friends form childhood, families of victims he helped, police, fire, Med… they all came. It was a thing of beauty and pain. It was as if the city of Chicago itself was weeping the loss of its native son.
By 2AM Herrmann unceremoniously kicked everyone out. He saw the exhaustion on Hailey, Will and all of Intelligence. The outpouring of love was a spectacular display of what he meant to people. At some point they had to go home and rest. Go home and face their new reality.
Everyone was drunk and completely emotionally drained. Not the healthiest combo. But one that various cultures used to facilitate mourning for centuries.
Uber after Uber were called. Severide and Stella walked all of Intelligence out.
“I’ll make sure she gets home safely,” Will assured.
He and Hailey climbed into a patrol officer’s car and were driven home.
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Red headed little boy hitting a pitch thrown by another. Children’s laughter. Sun glistening through the leafy trees.
Will stumbled into the apartment barely holding Hailey up. They were both—wasted—I believe is the technical term.
They had just endured the longest day of their lives. Hailey fell to the couch overcome with sadness. Will came over to help her up and comfort her.
“I don’t know if I can do this without him,” she choked out. “I miss him so much. I don’t know if I want to,” she sobbed.
Tears cascaded down Will’s cheeks. Jay was the last family member he had left. He was not only orphaned but now left completely alone in this world.
“We will get through it. Jay would want us to be strong and to live happy lives. He would be kicking our asses if he saw us moping around for too long,” Will said trying to illicit a smile.
Hailey looked up big blue eyes finding big brown eyes. She nodded and smiled meekly.
Somwhere lost in translation between love and heartache-- they surrendered to their mutual sorrow and desire to somehow connect with Jay they fell into one another.
In every inch of Will Hailey was searching for Jay. In every inch of Hailey Will was searching for connection with his brother.
“Don’t you dare,” hand smacking away hand trying to wipe off chocolate rimmed smile.
“Shhhhh…” I have a feeling she is nursing quite the headache this morning,” Hank said as he and Adam approached the apartment door. “Just a quick check to make sure she is ok,” he added.
They knocked a few times before announcing they were coming in. They all had keys to one another’s apartments. Ever since Jay’s disappearance the team had been doing rotations checking in on her.
They came in and saw male and female clothes strewn on the floor. They immediately realized that perhaps they walked into something more intimate than was meant for them.
Hailey opened her eyes. The depths of her exhaustion reached beyond physical and her whole being felt sapped. She rolled over in bed after hearing the door open. She saw Will next to her and immediately grimaced. “What the hell did I do?” she thought to herself.
She threw on one of Jay’s t-shirts and walked out to find Hank and Adam trying to tiptoe towards the front door. They hadn’t been able to escape before she walked out.
Hailey was horrified. “Uh, um, everything ok?” she asked as she hurriedly picked up the clothes on the floor. She knew they saw them but somehow making them disappear felt necessary.
They were all embarrassed. Hailey was a grown woman and she felt like she just got caught sneaking a boy into her bedroom. But this wasn’t some boy. This was Will fucking Halstead. Her newly deceased husband’s brother.
“Hey, we just wanted to check in and see how you are doing. We can come back later its fine,” Hank said trying to eye Adam to leave.
Hailey nodded trying to move them out.
Just as they turned to leave as if on cue, Will stumbled out of her bedroom in his boxers.
“You alright Hai….” He cut his thought short at the sight of Hank and Adam.
Hank’s eyes narrowed looking at him. Adam’s shock was written across his face. No one could muster a word.
Mortified didn’t cover it.
Hank reached over and grabbed Will’s pants and threw them at him. “You might want to cover yourself up,” he sniped.
They then turned around and left.
Red headed boy and brown headed boy laughing as the baseball sailed into the trees lost in the glistening sun.
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Two weeks had gone by since that fateful morning. Hailey didn’t have the desire, energy, stamina, or guts to go to work and face everyone or to face Jay’s desk once more.
Right after Hank and Adam left that morning she and Will talked. They both regretted the decision and wanted to pretend it didn’t happen. Will wanted to keep being there for one another, but Hailey completely shut down.
The dirt wasn’t even dry on Jay’s grave and she slept with his brother. The one person left in Jay’s family. She couldn’t and wouldn’t forgive herself.
Will felt bereft too. He was reeling from Jay’s death. Hailey and the intelligence family were the only thing that made him feel even a little bit safe with his anger and devastation.
He screwed it all up. Hailey truly was a sister to him and somehow in their shared grief they went searching for Jay in all the wrong places.
He had tried to reach out several times since, but she ignored his calls. She wasn’t trying to be cruel, but Hailey was spiraling. She was too ashamed to reach out to anyone from the 21st and now Will felt toxic.
Alone in her grief her heart was yearning… like a Mama Bear searching for a lost cub she’d release guttural sobs into the air that went unheard.
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Will finally had enough. This couldn’t be the legacy of Jay’s death. Jay wouldn’t want them to punish themselves for eternity. He wouldn’t want each of them left alone to deal with their grief. He wouldn’t want them alone period.
Hailey ignored the first few knocks but finally she relented and opened the door. “Hey,” she said trying her best to look him in the eyes.
“Hey,” he answered. “Ok if I come in for a few minutes?”
Hailey nodded. “Yeah of course.”
Will looked around and could quickly surmise how Hailey was doing. The apartment was a wreck. Sure Jay was the one that kept things immaculate, but Hailey held her own to some degree. Now the place looked like they had been robbed. Mail piled up, dishes overflowing, laundry strewn about. The air felt stale like she hadn’t opened a window in weeks.
They sat in awkward silence before Will began,
“Hailey what happened between us was a mistake we both know that. I love you like I have always loved you as my sister.”
“I feel the same way Will. I have no idea what we were thinking.”
“We weren’t,” he admitted. “We were a fucking drunk depleted mess.”
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Adam and Kevin were collecting mail from Trudy at the front desk when commotion broke out by the front doors.
Two patrol were trying to push a delivery man outside.
“You can’t bring something like that in here,” one officer shouted.
Trudy caught wind instantly and came from around the desk.
“What the hell is this?” she said looking at a large wooden crate with “livestock handle with care” stamped around its sides.
“Look Ma’am,” the delivery man began. “Sergeant,” she shot back sternly.
“Sergeant, we are following our directions which say to deliver this to Sergeant Henry Voight at this address,” he said trying to find the right packing slip.
“Officer Ruzek would you please get Sergeant Voight down here.”
“You got it Sarge,” he said as he whipped out his phone.
“Packages this large have to go around the back to the loading area by the roll up. There could be a bomb in this thing for goodness sakes!” Trudy said in an exasperated tone.
“Get this out of my lobby, now!” She ordered sharply.
“Listen Sergeant I have a job to do,” the delivery man yelled. “Besides my guy that helped carry this in already is back at the truck.”
Kevin stepped forward, “You heard the lady.” He said making sure to flex his incredible arm muscles.
“Alright, alright, give me a second to go back and get Robert to help.”
While the delivery man went to get his partner Hank came bounding down the steps with Adam.
“What the hell?” he asked confused.
Trudy handed him the packing slip.
“Did you order a new pet?” she asked with a smirk.
Hank scanned the packing slip trying to understand what the mishap was all about.
He froze for a second.
“Sarge?” Adam asked. “You alright?”
“Open the crate!” he said barely catching his breath.
“What?’ Trudy asked now even more confused. “We can’t open something like this here.”
“Open the damn crate!!!!?” he said as he began to claw at the wooden box himself.
Everyone saw the intensity in Hank’s eyes and actions.
When the delivery men came back Kevin grabbed a crowbar out of their hands to help pry the crate open. When the wood panels were cracked, they all fell loudly to the ground revealing another cage or box covered in a black sheet.
Kevin grabbed the swiss army knife from his keychain and ripped the sheet open.
What was revealed to them in that moment was shocking and horrifying beyond any imagination.
“Get him out, get him out, get him out!!! Hank said as he used the butt of his gun to try to break the padlock locking the cage door.
Before them was what they first believed to be a naked skeletal corpse. The victim was so emaciated his shackles had torn through his skin on his ankles and wrists right to the bone. There was only flesh and bone, nothing else.
Hank was like a a savage animal clawing to get to something sacred. Kevin and Adam eased him out of the way and with one brutal hit Kevin broke the lock off.
Kevin got down on the floor and pulled the skeletal frame out gently right onto Adam’s lap. Adam took the hood off that was covering the John Doe’s head. Hank kneeled down and pulled the filthy cloth off his eyes, while Adam unbuckled the leather gag in his mouth.
At first Adam and Kevin didn’t understand what they were looking at. The John Doe’s face was brutalized beyond any recognition. One eye was swollen so shut that his face looked deformed. Many teeth were knocked out. He was shackled in chains that connected to one another at his ankles, wrists, and neck. Blood stains down his legs.
Hank grabbed the man’s head and began searching for a sign of life frantically. “He’s got a pulse,” he sobbed.
This was something no one, truly no one, had every witnessed. Hank Voight falling apart.
“Get a blanket. Ge something to cover him up,” Hank choked out hoping to give him even the smallest modicum of dignity in all of this. “Call a damn bus,” he yelled as he regained some composure.
Adam and Kevin lifted the John Doe together and brought him into a side office waiting for paramedics. When they lifted him, they felt the many broken bones present as his body flopped in unnatural positions. His pulse was thready at best.
“I don’t think we have time to wait, “Kevin called out.
“I’ll get the car meet in front in 3 min,” Hank demanded.
As the man lay across both of their laps they realized he was shaking. Adam pulled out the earplugs they hadn’t noticed were stuffed harshly in his ears.
“Hey man, hey. You are safe. We are going to get you some help,” Adam said gently trying not to startle or further scare the brutalized man.
With his soft words John Doe slowly opened his better eye as best as he could. In that moment Adam froze in abject shock as he understood Hank’s bizarre behavior. The army green color of his eye was unmistakable.
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Big beautiful smile. Wiping chocolate from her mouth. His hand hit away. Genuine soul assuring smiles shared.