Chapter 1: it always happens this way
Chapter Text
Gem burst out of the house, the slamming of the door startling Tango awake. False was already rushing out after her, Pearl not far behind. Tango stumbled to his feet, breaking into a run to try and catch up.
“Gem, wait!” He called out.
She was too far ahead, not showing any signs of slowing down. Gem kept running like hell itself was on her heels.
She was barefoot. They all were.
Eventually she stopped running, standing in the middle of spawn. Some people were already gathered there. Tango stuck close to False’s side. Gem had a crazed expression on her face. She didn’t fully look like Gem anymore.
“Tango, get your shield out.” False instructed.
Tango didn’t. He kept his eyes on Gem, watching the microexpressions of her face twitch and change. Fear. Only fear. It twisted deeper and deeper into her face.
Grian shouted Gem’s name. Her eyes darted around the crowd, seemingly looking for something. For someone?
“She wouldn’t… she wouldn’t hurt us.” Tango insisted. “She promised.”
Red flashed in the corner of Tango’s vision. Pearl had pulled her cloak on, standing there with the black veil over her face. She held her shovel at the ready.
“You alright, Gem?” Pearl asked.
Lizzie stepped forward, getting closer to Gem. Her hands were outstretched. “Gem, what’s going on ?”
Gem’s face twitched as her head jerked to the side. Skulk crept over her body and face. Her eyes turned a dark blue-green. What looked like skulk sensors on the side of her head buzzed with vibrations. Her head tilted.
“Oh god… Gem.” Pix said distantly.
“Tango, your shield. Out. Now!” False said firmly.
Tango equipped his shield, holding it uncertainly.
“G-Gem, what is that?” Lizzie lowered her hands, taking half a step back.
“Gem?” Pearl sounded smaller than ever.
Gem’s focus seemed to narrow. Her sword pointed out, towards someone in the crowd.
“Gem, no please don’t…” Tango said, shield lowering as he watched helplessly. “Don’t–”
“Gem, please, please–” Kathrine said.
False stalked forward, sword out, readying her stance in front Gem. Or whatever it was Gem had become. Gem’s sword glinted in the amber dawn. She darted forward past False’s sword. False darted after her. Pearl jumped in front of Gem’s path.
“Gem, if you can hear me. I’m sorry,” False said, almost emotionlessly.
False slashed at Gem, striking to incapacitate not kill. Gem cried out as the hits landed, but didn’t stop moving. Pearl swiped at Gem’s legs, but she leaped over the shovel and kept moving. False landed another slice, this one against Gem’s calf. The scream that left Gem ripped at Tango’s heart.
“Falsie, False, False, no please no–” Tango pleaded. “Stop stop stop stop! You’re hurting her!” He grabbed False’s arm and pulled, trying to make her miss.
“False!” Pearl cried out.
“I can’t let–” False ripped her arm out of Tango’s grasp.
She darted forward once more, trying to stop Gem from reaching her goal. It was too late. Gem’s sword struck true. The sword was hilt deep in BigB’s chest. A wave of horrified whispers of Gem’s name washed over the gathered crowd as BigB crumpled to the ground.
Gem let go of the sword, stepping back. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry , they made me–”
Everything else faded into background noise as Tango rushed to Gem’s side. She collapsed to the floor. Tango knelt by her side.
“Gem, Gem, Gem, Gem, no no no no no.” Tango held her hand, touching their bracelets together.
Her face twisted in fear and pain. “I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to, I didn’t –”
She didn't seem to hear him. Her eyes were glassy, hand limp in his.
Pearl’s shovel clattered to the ground somewhere behind him.
Gem sobbed, shoulders shaking. The odd skulk things on the sides of her head didn't buzz at the sound.
“You’re not allowed to die.” Tango told her. “You’re not allowed .”
“I want you to know I thank you for being a great person,” Pearl said distantly.
“I’m… I’m so sorry.” Gem said faintly. “They made me… the watchers with a thousand eyes.”
“Gem, no. No.” Tango gripped her hand tighter, his arm stained with her blood. He ignored it. “NO!”
“Someone get a potion!” False shouted.
“Gem–” Tango shook the hand that he was holding. “You’re not allowed–” he choked up. “To leave me!”
There were shouts all around him. He couldn’t hear what they were saying over the rushing of blood in his ears, the pounding heartbeat that drowned everything out. The air crackled with the sound of flames that engulfed his hair. That was his hair.
“You’re not allowed to go–”
The warmth of her hand was fading. He pressed his free hand against Gem’s pulse point, trying to find a heartbeat that wasn’t there. She wasn’t gone. She couldn’t be.
“We were supposed to–” his voice cracked. “We…”
The tears and mucus closed his throat, and Tango had to stop speaking to avoid choking.
He couldn’t stop staring at Gem’s face, her eyes wide in fear, hoping, praying to the light that she would blink, or breathe again. She didn’t move.
Grian shouted. Tango flinched away from the sound. He thought he’d heard Impulse’s name be called. It couldn’t be. Impulse was dead.
Impulse was dead, Bdubs was dead, Etho was dead, Jimmy was dead, Gem was dead. They all died in the end.
It always happens this way. And it always will.
False’s hands landed heavily on his shoulders. She felt so warm . Her arms wrapped around him, squeezing tight, grounding him. Tango pulled his hand away from Gem’s neck, not wanting to feel for a pulse that wouldn’t come back. He didn’t let go of Gem’s hand, although it was cold and limp and not really her anymore . False reached over his shoulder and closed Gem’s eyelids. They didn't reopen. With that, Tango doubled over Gem’s body and howled in grief, clutching her hand to his chest with both of his.
He screamed until his throat went raw, and then some. Fury fueled the fire in his hair, flaring it so bright it went blue. He felt a splash potion be thrown at them, thankful that they’d had the foresight to think of bringing fire resistance. With Gem gone… He didn’t want to hurt False anymore.
False leaned towards Gem’s body, wiping the grime and blood and tears from her face.
Tango didn’t move to help False, still gripping Gem’s hand as if sheer force of will would bring her back.
“Tango, please,” False said quietly. “We need to… to bury her.”
He did not let go. He couldn’t.
False laid a hand on top of his. “It’s alright. We don’t have to rush.”
Tango choked back tears, unable to find the will to speak.
“I know. It’s okay.”
He laid Gem’s hand by her side, turning his face into False’s shoulder. He screamed and sobbed, and screamed more, clutching her tightly. It felt like a hole had been carved out of his chest. False just held him silently, matching his strength.
He just barely caught the sound of footsteps leaving, a shovel dragging across the dirt. Pearl had left. Gem was gone. False was with him. At least he had False.
Once Tango felt like he could breathe steadily enough to stand, he lifted Gem into his arms. He couldn’t bear to look at her face. The skulk that crawled across Gem’s body had consumed most of her face. It had hidden her brilliant green eyes behind a dark blue-green. Tango walked back towards Flower Valley, False trailing a couple steps behind him. Away from the hellsite of spawn. Away from where BigB’s body still laid. Slain by Gem. Against her will.
He and False walked back to Flower Valley in silence. The absence of Pearl and the death of Gem weighed heavily in his chest.
She’d been terrified in her last moments. Not pleading for her life but pleading for forgiveness. Unable to control herself. Something else had controlled her. The skulk.
“...Where do you want to bury her, Tango?”
Tango can’t find it in him to respond.
They’d made it all the way back to Flower Valley. To the base they’d made together. To what he couldn't call home anymore. It had been home when Gem was with them. Now she was gone.
He set Gem’s body down near where Jimmy’s grave was. His hands trembled as he slid the bracelet he’d given Gem off of her wrist and into his pocket. An identical one sat around his wrist, never to bump comfortingly against its twin again.
Tango knelt down and started shoving dirt out of the way with his bare hands. Hands that still had Gem’s blood on them. His stomach lurched as he realised he literally had her blood on his hands. He couldn’t have stopped it. It would always play out the same way. Every time. No matter what.
False offered him a shovel, but he refused. He needed to be busy. The longer he spent digging, the longer he would have before he would have to put Gem into the hole and never see her again. It took a long time for them to get the grave to the right size, with False using a shovel and Tango using his hands. His hands ached and at some point had started bleeding.
His hands were taken gently by False’s. He looked up at her, blinking to let the tears in his eyes roll down his face. His vision blurred.
“I know. I know.”
Did she…? Not truly. Not fully. She didn’t know how many times Tango has had to see Gem again for the first time after watching her die in his arms. False didn’t know how many times Tango had buried Gem. How many times he’d tried to save Gem from dying only for it to happen worse than he could’ve ever imagined. She didn’t really know.
But Tango nodded, pulling his hands out of hers. He lifted Gem’s body, staring at her face for a long time. Hoping. Praying for a miracle.
The skulk had taken her. She was gone.
He laid her body to rest inside the grave.
For a moment, he considered asking False to bury him alive, but decided it wouldn’t be fair to her. It wouldn’t be fair to make her lose two friends in one day.
False helped him cover up the grave, burying Gem’s body inside. She rested a gravestone on top of the loose soil.
GeminiTay. Beloved friend, princess of the light.
Tango had no words to say. He stared at the gravestone for longer than he should’ve, not processing that Gem was now truly, completely, gone.
It always happens this way. She always died before he did. He always held her as she drew her last breath. He always ended up allied with her at the very beginning. He couldn't change that.
False held his hands again, prompting Tango to blink himself back to the present.
She would always run away. She would always come back. She would promise to stay. She would lie.
She examined the blood and dirt that coated them. He couldn’t bring himself to meet her eyes. She guided him inside, the house feeling too empty without Gem, Pearl, or Pix at home. A half full pot of soup remained on the stove. Tango felt sick at the sight of it. It could’ve been one of the last things Gem had touched before… He turned his face into False’s shoulder, not wanting to deal with it.
False pulled him to the sink, where she gently helped him rinse the dirt and blood away. Tango barely felt the sting of the soap on his wounds. He barely felt anything.
“It’s alright,” False said quietly. “Tell me when you want to talk about it.”
Tango felt completely hollow on the inside. He couldn’t muster the strength to speak. He shook his head in response.
“It’s okay,” she told him.
It wasn’t. It wouldn’t be. It would only get worse from here.
Everything was only going to get worse.
Chapter 2: and everything will never be the same again
Summary:
A tiny delve into the emotional turmoil Tango experiences after Gem dies. False takes care of him
Chapter Text
False had let go of his hands, leaving him adrift. The tap was still running– she hadn't finished washing her hands yet.
Tango wandered to the couch and sat down. He felt oddly distant, oddly cold. Was it grief? The feeling of his stomach flipping over itself was so far away. As if his body wasn’t his own. It didn't feel real.
He knew it was real, but it never felt that way. It always felt like a neverending nightmare. Like eternal punishment in the fields of asphodel. Tango could feel his heart beating, each contraction and dilation. It felt like a hand squeezing into a fist before slowly relaxing. It felt too pronounced. It ached.
There was blood and skulk on his shirt, and dirt caking his pants. There was a weight in his chest that refused to go away. There was a weight in his pocket. A weight around his wrist. Gem’s bracelet, and its twin.
Tango took the bracelet out of his pocket. It was dirty, and his hands were clean. He started to pick at the dirt and skulk and dried blood coating it.
False settled down beside him. There was a gap between them– was it on purpose?– False had pressed herself into the arm of the couch instead of staying relaxed like she normally would. Tango couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes, instead continuing to scrape away at Gem’s bracelet. There's dirt under his fingernails now. Blood on his hands. It’s all hazy to him. It feels like his head is underwater. He can't quite hear, or see clearly, or breathe.
A cloth was pressed into his hand, one of False’s special ones for blade maintenance. Tango held it and continued to clean away the grime. It was all he could focus on. Everything else faded to the back of his mind.
Wipe, wipe again, wipe, wipe again– was this how Pearl felt all the time? This itch, this need , to make everything as neat and as spotless as possible? Was it as much of a compulsion for her as it was for him?
His fingers ached. They felt cold. The bracelet wasn’t dirty anymore. His hands and the cloth were. In the edge of his vision he could see False’s hands weren’t clean either. Flakes of dirt and skulk and blood were present on both their hands.
“Tango?” False started quietly, breaking the solemn silence.
He turned his head towards her slightly, keeping his gaze on the bracelet in his hands. It was clean, but he couldn't stop himself from running the cloth over each ridge and crevice over and over and over. Tango blinked several times to keep himself present. The world was on fast forward and he was moving in slow motion.
“I’m… sorry for yelling.” Her voice is distant, the sliver of space between them creating some sort of rift that her voice doesn't pass through well. “I know you, uh,” False faltered, “I know Gem–”
Her name was the last straw. False choked up. Tango set down the cloth and reached for her hands, gripping them in both of his. Gem’s bracelet was caught between their hands. It helped him. Tango blinked in an attempt to clear the fog shrouding him. It didn’t work, but at least he could feel False. Apart from the point where their hands were linked, he felt numb.
False had yelled earlier at spawn . She’d never raised her voice at him before. Why had False yelled? Tango had to roll back his memories to remember. In the moment, it had just been too loud for him to process immediately. There had been too much for him to keep track of it all. His shield– she’d been telling him to equip it. False had only yelled at him to keep himself safe. Gem had yelled at him once and only once as well. The time when he’d been on fire and False was in the blast zone. She’d yelled to get him to stop hurting False.
“Tango, I–” False took a shaky breath in. “Tango–” Her voice broke.
He rubbed his thumbs over the backs of her knuckles. The repetitive motion was grounding, hopefully as much for False as it was for him. Words were hard for him to piece together, both in thought processes and for speaking purposes.
Tango leant his head against False’s shoulder, struggling to take in a full breath. It felt like he was crumbling apart, like there were hidden cracks in him that had finally decided to let him fall into pieces. But False was solid. The weight of her hands in his, the warmth of her body against his was solid, and real. False was real. And with False, Tango was real.
“I’m sorry for yelling,” False murmured to him.
False had yelled, and Tango had shouted too. He’d wanted her to stop hurting Gem. He’d stopped her from hurting Gem. At least, he’d tried. Gem had still died in the end. Gem had died and she’d killed someone– BigB–? before she went down.
Tango couldn’t make a sound. If he could, he would have apologised right back. But his throat was dry and constricted when he tried. He settled for squeezing False’s hands three times. I. Love. You.
She squeezed back silently. I. Love. You.
He swallowed hard, working his jaw in an attempt to force something out. I’m sorry too. I forgive you. I love you.
Nothing.
Useless.
Tango turned his head into the crook of False’s shoulder, eyes and throat burning. He tried to choke back the tears that threatened to fall. He didn't want to burden her anymore. With Gem gone, False would think it was her responsibility to take care of him. He couldn't burden her with all of his emotional garbage. She had her own feelings too, and if she thought he needed her, she would drop everything. She’d already done it every time before.
There were tears in his eyes, flowing down his cheeks. He let out a shaky breath that turned into a strangled sob. False gently– Void , she was being so gentle – shifted his head back upright. Tango couldn't look at her. Couldn't make himself acknowledge the disappointment that was sure to be in her eyes.
“Hey, it's okay.” Her thumb brushed against his cheek. “It’s- we’ll be okay.”
Tango bit down on his tongue, looking past her shoulder out the window. False was lying, just like Gem had. It wasn't okay, and it wouldn't be. They always lied about that. Tango knew for a fact that it wouldn't be okay. Gem’s death kicked off a snowball that turned into an avalanche. They’d all be buried soon.
Snow drifted down from the sky. There was a layer of white over the garden, covering the graves. Like a clean slate where they could start anew. It didn't feel right. They couldn't move on without Gem– he couldn't move on without Jimmy. Void, how long ago had Jimmy died? A week? More? Less? It felt so long ago.
False continued to clean away his tears as they fell. If it had been anyone else, he would've pulled away or snapped, but not at False. Never at False. His cheeks had that feeling of salt– dried tears– on them. From what he could read off False’s posture, she was barely holding it together herself.
‘Sorry,’ Tango mouthed, unable to verbalise the apology.
“It's okay.” False smiled, the weak sort of smile you’d give to a child to reassure them when you don’t want to show your true feelings.
She and Gem were the same. Liars.
“I don’t mind taking care of you.” Her thumb ran over his cheek again. “It’s alright.”
Tango turned slightly away, eyes cast towards the floor. He didn't want False to be like Gem. Gem had been strong, leading them until she’d died. She’d displayed signs of someone saying farewell, and Tango had been too distracted to realise. Gem had made all the potions, handed over her cookbooks, made sure they’d all take care of each other. She’d done all that as if she’d known .
He pulled his knees up to his chest, curling into a ball. His stomach complained adamantly, twisting into itself. Discomfort flickered over his expression before he could stop it.
“Are you hungry?” False asked. “I can make potatoes.”
False was abysmal in the kitchen. She could handle a knife and cut anything given to her with ease, but the cooking part was something she was still learning. Tango was hungry, but he knew he wouldn't be able to stomach anything anyway. He shook his head.
“Tired?” she guessed. “We can sleep.”
Tango nodded.
“Alright.”
False shifted, patting her lap as a signal for Tango to lay down. They’d gone through the process a few times before, False falling asleep upright, with Tango’s head cushioned on her lap as he slept laying down. It didn’t feel like it was going to be enough this time.
He tucked himself into her side instead, craving the safety of her arms around him. False was safe. No matter what happened, False would always keep him safe. She was warm, she was solid, she was real. False held him close, enclosing him in the comfort of her embrace.
Tango tried not to compare her hugs to Gem’s. Gem had been with them less than half a day ago. They’d been piled on the couch together, and had napped there for a couple hours. Tango had shrugged off Gem and Pearl’s comfort only one night ago, instead running off to find False on a wild goose chase around the map. Now Gem was gone, buried outside in their garden, next to Sausage, next to Scott, next to Jimmy.
Everything was progressing too quickly, and Tango barely had the time to process the death of one before needing to move on to the next death, and the next one.
False started humming. It took Tango a moment to catch onto what the song was.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine… you make me happy when skies are grey…
It was meant to be a happy song, a lullaby for children. How would False have learnt it? Surely not in the labs, where doctors and scientists barely spoke to her, much less sung.
The tears refused to stop falling, soaking into False’s shirt– or was it his vest?
You never know, dear, how much I love you… please don’t take my sunshine away.
Gem was gone. She was gone, and she wouldn't come back.
The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamt I held you in my arms… when I awoke dear, I was mistaken, so I hung my head and cried.
Notes:
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xCa1iber on Chapter 1 Thu 12 Oct 2023 11:44PM UTC
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