not strong enough

by kiwimuraa

Summary:

They stitched back his mutilated body with needles and threads and cursed energy, they bandaged his bleeding wounds, they started his heart again for the reasons that still remained unknown to him. Kokichi Muta died and was brought back by jujutsu sorcerers to be hidden inside the school till the unsealing of Gojo Satoru. A choice made for him by others, the one that had put a red mark on Utahime’s forehead with nothing in return. Why?
Why?
“Because I know better than leaving one of my students to die.”

aka

Mechamaru is brought back to life and now have to face consequences of his actions. And his friends. And Miwa.

CHINESE TRANSLATION!! by an amazing DarkFlows

Notes:

TW: death and dying talks, references to depression and suicidal thoughts. Kokichi is depressed, Miwa is suicidal, everyone is tired and needs a hug.

Timeline: right after Shibuya incident and before Culling Game.

Additional info: for the sake of the plot let's just pretend that nobody knew Mechamaru's actual name.

Chapter 1

The first thing he remembered was pain – true and excruciating. The type of pain that doesn’t make you scream, but in opposite makes you go silent, eyes wide opened to a bright light and voices around mixing into a disturbing white noise. If it was death, he thought, it better hurry up and take him red-handed in a way that a traitor like him should be taken. If it was death, he thought, then why the light felt so real?

“Double the dose.” The low female voice broke through multiple layers of sound. “Triple if needed, we don’t need him jumping around the table like a windup doll.”

But he was a windup doll. Just a usual broken windup doll.

 

(if it was death, he thought, wouldn’t it feel less like a punishment and more like being forgotten in the end of an empty shelf?)

 

***

 

“I want to introduce to you a person, who’s going to assist closely on our missions till the end of the crisis.”

Utahime was the only one standing in the room full of people. Through a half-closed door Kokichi could have seen students of Kyoto Jujutsu High scattered around the floor, all looking good ten years older than they actually were and extremely, extremely tired. There was Mai, sitting down with a heavy book in her hands, Noritoshi prepping his back against the wall with his eyes closed. Momo and Aoi were getting along surprisingly well, now being far away from being concentrated on a card game that was ongoing right in front of them. There was a person missing.

Miwa wasn’t there.

“Due to safety reasons – ours and theirs – their location should stay disguised till the seal on Satoru Gojo will be broken. I suppose I state clear the intention behind these words, don’t I?”

Everyone nodded. Mai tilted her head slightly. “Using leadership privileges to hide someone from witch hunt that’s unravelling outside?”

“It’s more of a personal matter.”

“How is it?”

Utahime smiled politely and continued unbothered. “They are also a student of Jujutsu High and right now it’s better for us to accept any help offered, especially from strong allies with proven worth.”

The silence that suddenly appeared inside of the room made Mechamaru feel like he was about to threw his own guts right in front of this fucking door. It was a weird feeling, a feeling of having an actual alive and functioning body, a feeling that he hadn’t have for so long he was struggling to remember the last time it happened. He put a hand on top of his chest, feeling his heartbeat echo right through his bandaged skin. How could he do this after all? How could he just show up, alive and well, after leaving them all behind and for what? For his own purely selfish reasons, for his own purely selfish traumas, for his own wicked purely broken body. Was it ever worth it, after all?

(Where’s Miwa?)

Was it?

“Their name is Kokichi Muta, a semi-grade one sorcerer,” she took a step aside, opening the door without a warning. Light hit Maru’s eyes with already known sharp pain. “Previously known to you as Mechamaru.”

He heard Mai dropped the book she was holding and it was all it took for the hell to unravel.

“You don’t get to bring back people who almost got us killed!” Momo jumped on her feet, flipping the cards right in Todo’s face. “You know what he got us though, you know what he got Miwa…”

“The decision was made due to higher forces lacking perception right now.”

“With all the respect, isn’t this decision the exact thing that is lacking perception?” he saw Noritoshi scan him up and down several times, stopping every time his gaze brushed against a new pair of tight bandages. “We may be in need of help, but the help itself can’t be coming from a source that will be separating the group.”

People were talking about him as he wasn’t even in the same room. New and new arguments, each one more and more cruel, were popping up like crazy, and the noise started to put his head though a new wave of pain. Was it really worth it, coming back, if no one could ever treat him like a friend again?

Utahime was way more resistant than Kokichi. She was standing tall and strong, not flinching even once at her student’s outbursts. It was chaos, pure chaos, and yet somehow his teacher seemed to be as sure in her decision as ever. It took Iori some time to get annoyed by all the noise. She raised a hand in the air, but surprisingly it wasn’t the gesture that made everyone go silent.

Mai was.

“He can take a binding vow.” she said. “A binding vow that will make him stay true to the teacher. The school itself is a shaky ground, we can’t surely say that we’ll follow its path till the end right now. But a person, especially a trusting person in power – it could work.”

Their eyes met for a quick second. Zenin didn’t look too happy with his return, but also wasn’t as mad as Momo or as suspicious as Noritoshi. She kind of just… was there. In a room with all of them, picking her book back up, searching for the page she lost with a straight face. It seemed like it couldn’t bother her less if there was one person more in their group, and somehow it was the best reaction Mechamaru could have ever hoped for.

“The structure of a binding vow will take some time to build. For now you all will stay here until further notice.” Utahime spared Mai a knowing look. Zenin didn’t look back. “We will need all of you to fight against the Culling Game when the time comes. Beware of the consequences your actions towards each other may have on the battlefield.” She turned around. “Dismissed.”

“We weren’t even gathered.” Momo spitted back angrily.

“Then you are just free to go. Does that one suit you better?” Utahime smiled politely before propping her hand on Kokichi’s back. “Now please excuse us, there is some business that needs to be taken care of.”

Just after the door slid closed behind his back, Mechamaru felt his heart start beating again.

“They hate me.” He said. “It was useless to think it could be otherwise.”

“They don’t hate you.” Utahime answered. “Momo may seem a little on edge, but it’s just because she was the one staying by Miwa’s side since Shibuya incident. She may seem quite careless at first, but she has this unbelievable bond with the girls… it hurts her physically to see them struggle.”

Was Miwa hurt then? He never had a chance to ask anyone directly about her, he didn’t feel like he had the right to do so. Not after he caused her so much pain, not after he let her down so badly. If it felt so wrong to be allowed as a part of the group again he could only imagine how hard the sickening feeling will struck when he gets to see Kasumi.

“Why didn’t you just let me die?” he asked the question that was stuck in his head from the first time he opened his eyes. 

Mahito killed him, he remembered it too vividly to forget. He died and it wasn’t like a light in the end of the tunnel or any poetic metaphor he had ever lied his eyes on. Death that came for him was slow and painful, like a cut that kept bleeding till the blood began to look dark red, almost black, dirty with all the sins that were done with his own cursed hands. It was a death he deserved after getting too wrapped up in racing evil for his own selfish desires. It was a painful, slow and humiliating torture, but at some point. 

At some point he could have sworn that he saw Miwa got down on the bloody grass next to him, caressing his hair with light motions. He could have sworn he saw her stay by his side, but when sorcerers arrived there was no one else besides his own bleeding corpse. His heart stopped beating, but he was too ill-fated to just leave. So they brought him back. 

They stitched back his mutilated body with needles and threads and cursed energy, they bandaged his bleeding wounds, they started his heart again for the reasons that still remained unknown to him. Kokichi Muta died and was brought back by jujutsu sorcerers to be hidden inside the school till the unsealing of Gojo Satoru. A choice made for him by others, the one that had put a red mark on Utahime’s forehead with nothing in return. Why? 

Why? 

“Because I know better than leaving one of my students to die.”

Kokichi suddenly found it very hard to keep walking. He stopped, looking at his precious teacher slowly walking farther and farther away from him. But how could she still do it? How could she still consider him one of the group after all he had done? Was it just pity for his scarred destiny, or was it something more? Something meaningful, something warm, something that feels like a noisy family dinner or like being silently covered with a fluffy blanket when you accidently fell asleep on the couch?

Almost like being able to read his mind, Iori turned around:

“You don’t threw your kids away after they make a mistake. You punish them appropriately and make sure they won’t fall into the same trap again. That’s how you teach and that’s how they learn.” She tilted her head slightly. “You are a selfless person who happened to make a selfish mistake, Kokichi. There is no reason for me to banish you from my list of students. I will protect you with all I have as long as it will be humanly possible, but the rest is left for you. Do you think you can manage it?”

Suddenly he felt like throwing his guts up on the floor.

“I… I think I can try.”

“You think?”

“I will try, Utahime-san.”

He could have sworn that he saw a shadow of a warm smile slip through Utahime’s serious facade. “That’s a nice way to start.”

She turned around again and slowed her pace down a little so Muta wouldn’t have any problem with keeping up again. He was indeed extremely grateful for this little act of kindness, because his body still felt a whole much out of control/ His healing skin under bandages hurt and itched with every move. He felt like one of his first purely made dolls – with sloppy movements and wobbly joints all over the place.

Utahime walked for some time before stopping in front of a closed door. It was a weird placement for an unlabelled room, Kokichi thought to himself, since it was right inside of the stuff’s wing of the long old-fashioned building full with conference rooms and archives, all of which had numbers or names on them to assist in coordinating people who weren’t an everyday part of Kyoto school. Was it a place where he would be staying from now on? Far away from students’ dorms, not to disturb anyone with the fact that he is a traitor indeed and this traitor is more than alive.

“Why are we here?” he asked.

Instead of answering, Utahime knocked on the door several times. There was no answer. She shrugged before reaching for the doorhandle and sliding the door open without anyone’s permission. It took Muta a moment to adjust his eyes to a bright light that was coming in though huge panoramic windows right in from of the entrance – his eyesight still worked badly since his head was stitched up back together literally the day before. In-between the windows there was an opened door that led to the private garden of the school. He traced the room in search for some clues, but it was blank and empty and almost felt more like a prison cell than an actual room. He dragged his gaze alongside pale peach walls, wooden floors, to big sparkling-clean windows and to the little stairs that led to the garden. When he reached the end of the room with his eyes, he froze.

There was a young girl sitting down on a little staircase leading to the garden. She was silently looking at flowers, completely unbothered by unexpected guests showing up. Utahime knocked again, loudly this time, and it seemed to attract girl’s attention. She turned around quickly, putting a tired smile on her face.

Unmistakable blue hair. Same blue eyes now framed with deep dark circles. The same face he saw in front of his eyes seconds before passing out in the pool of his own cold blood.

“Hi, my name is Kasumi Miwa, I hope we will all be friends!”

“Good morning, Utahime-san!”

Iori smiled back, but the look in her eyes still was noticeably concerned. “Good morning. Sorry for showing up without a notice, I hope we didn’t disrupt any of your plans?”

“Don’t worry about it.” Kasumi tried to thin out some wrinkles on her shirt. “You know I have no plans to disrupt to begin with.”

It was the first time Kokichi saw her like this: at homely atmosphere, wearing a shirt and some fluffy house pants, looking so exhausted it was painful to watch. He didn’t remember her being so thin. Miwa always was more of a smaller completion, but now she looked bony, almost sick. It wasn’t right, he thought to himself.

“I brought a visitor with me.”

“I see.” Miwa nodded, locking eyes with Muta. The overwhelming guilt washed over his head and it felt as painful as drowning if he’d ever experienced one. “Hi. My name’s…”

“I don’t think this one will be needed, dear.” Utahime stepped inside of the room, gesturing Kokichi to do the same. She sat down next to Miwa, leaving him standing beside them alone. “He already knows you.”

“How come so?”

Iori looked up at him, silently checking again if he didn’t change his mind. Muta had a chance to say that he did, that he chose to withdraw from his selfish feelings in order to protect the peace of a person that he truly and hopelessly loved, he had his last chance to choose to act under disguise and never show his face again, but the truth was painfully simple - Kokichi Muta was never strong enough.

So he nodded.

“This young man’s name is Kokichi Muta, he’s going to be staying under our wing till situation with Satoru Gojo will be resolved. He knows your name because you have already met.”

His newly alive heart was beating so fast he swore it could broke down from the pressure, leaving him breathless again. Hands were sweaty, bandages were itching. Suddenly all of the clothes didn’t feel right, suddenly his own skin didn’t fit right over his bones. He wanted to disappear and step closer at the same time, to scream and seal his mouth shut forever, to slap himself so hard it would leave a mark and to touch Miwa’s hand as lightly it would go unnoticed.

“His old name is Mechamaru. He is back to assist us with the Culling Game.”

Chapter 2

“His old name is Mechamaru. He is back to assist us with the Culling Game.”

It felt like a cheap slow-motion in an old movie that they played on tv after midnight: the way Miwa looked up at Utahime then slowly moved her eyes to Kokichi. He would be happy to escape from her sight, but it seemed that honest blue eyes chained him to the ground the way no amount of cursed energy could have ever done. Muta couldn’t breathe.

“You don’t have to talk right now if you don’t feel like it,” Iori started, “I just wanted you to know…”

“He died.” She said. “Mechamaru died.”

How long could he bear the torture of Miwa’s eyes looking though him like he was a ghost? Run, Muta though to himself, run like a lonely dog and find your goddamned place next to the wolfs you despise, go and take what you deserved instead of trying to scowl for forgiveness. If it was life, he thought to himself, why did it feel more like a torture than a gift?

“We found him at the right time. The thing we did… it wasn’t nor legal neither permitted, but it was the right thing to do. Look at me, Miwa.” Utahime placed a hand oh girl’s shoulder, holding it tightly in an act of unspoken parental support. “Do you want us to leave for now?”

Kasumi shook her head. Her eyes were still locked on Muta, almost like she couldn’t pull her gaze away from him even for a second, afraid that it would turn out to be some kind of a sick joke. Kokichi kept standing beside them, not allowing himself a single move. He was ready for everything, to be honest, for Miwa breaking down, calling him a traitor, pulling all the painful strings he knew she should pull. He was a traitor, after all. It was a thing he would never outlive. She should have hated him, he thought.

But she didn’t.

Instead, Miwa covered her eyes with her hands and broke down in laughter.

“Your hair.” She said. “It looks so funny.”

Astonished, Muta slowly raised his hand to his forehead. “What’s wrong with my hair?”

“Nothing.” Kasumi stopped. “It suits you just right.” She took hands from her face. The smile that she gave him suddenly released a trigger he didn’t know was pulled. It seemed that Miwa felt it too, since she put her hands back on her knees.

And started sobbing uncontrollably.

Utahime took it as a sign to offer her troubled teenagers some space. She got up and, despite looking like an effortless and confident move, it still was too imminent to be natural. Before leaving Iori gave Muta’s shoulder a light squeeze: tell me if you need me. He nodded without taking his eyes away from Miwa. He probably would feel quite guilty later for ignoring such a thoughtful act of kindness from their teacher, but for now he was too terrified by the view scattered in front of his eyes. Miwa was looking down, tears dropping on her soft shirt, and it was million times more painful than any insult from Momo and any weird eye that Noritoshi could give him. It was way, way more painful than death itself, and, after experiencing dying, he could have ranted it as a “piece of cake” comparing to seeing Miwa break down in front of him like this.

It was like a nightmare – he didn’t know what to do. The love of his life was crying, and he didn’t know what to do.

Mechamaru always thought that the only thing that separated him and Miwa was the absence of his physical body, his cursed fate that was in no comparison to such a light and peaceful Kasumi, but what if all this time he was so-so terribly wrong? What if the only thing setting them apart was, in fact, him?

No.

No.

No.

If his plan was to mop around himself then as well he could have stayed dead forever.

“Miwa.” Said Kokichi. “Am I… allowed to touch you?”

The stupid question should have gotten her by surprise, because she stopped sobbing, tears just running down her face. “…what?”

“Am I allowed to touch you?” he repeated.

There was something warm blooming inside in how Kasumi didn’t hesitate even for a second before nodding slowly. She didn’t seem scared even in the slightest, she looked like… like she trusted him to touch her. And Kokichi took this trust as the most valuable present he had ever received in his miserable life.

It started with a light motion – Muta brushed his hand against her arm, more by accident then actually meaning it, and it felt like a miracle. To trace blue veins slowly, from small wrist up to the shoulder. She definitely got thinner, way-way more thin than he remembered her to be. Did she eat well? Was she ill? And if yes, could he be the reason of this terrible sickness eating her alive?

Miwa didn’t move. Light blue eyes were staring back at Kokichi as bright as full moons, as the most precious gemstones, and she didn’t move. She didn’t flinch when he slowly cupped her cheek, wiping away the tears with careful motion. Kokichi Muta was definitely crazy, fucked up in his still traumatised head, because for a second, for a split second he thought he saw Miwa moved a little to be closer.

It felt like miracle and misery at the same time. He was alive, actually alive, and he was sitting here with Kasumi, hand on her cheek, drawing silly abstractions with his fingertips on her unhealthy pale skin to calm her down. It worked, but not wonders – Miwa stopped crying, but didn’t do or say anything else. He hoped that he didn’t overstep any boundaries by being his stupid self. He hoped that if one day he end up actually doing so, she would be kind enough to let him know.

Kokichi’s thoughts were running in circles, mimicking the circles he was drawing with his fingers. There was no end to them and there was no stop for them, just an endless forest of pure emotions screaming inside. That was going to be the day he would die for the second time, he thought to himself, and then Miwa raised her hand.

Instead of pushing him away or brushing him off she reached out and carefully put a strand of his hair behind his ear. She chucked at his astonished expression. “Just as soft as they look.”

He looked back at her with serious expression.

“You can’t do this.”

“Why? Does it hurt?”

No, he thought. It makes me so happy I almost forget how to be alive.

“No.” he said. “I’m sorry, Miwa.”

“You shouldn’t be.”

“But I am.”

They sat like this: her hand in his hair and his hand on her cheek, and there was a heavy silence in between them. The pressure grew and grew and grew until it popped with a loud sound. They broke at the same time, reaching out for a hug.

Despite looking so painfully bony and pale, Kasumi was incredibly warm to touch. She wrapped her arms around his waist, burying her face somewhere in bandages on his chest, and he ended up hiding his face in her hair. It was silly how desperately both of them clang to each other, like someone could have separated them and never let back again. It was silly, incredibly silly, but despite everything they were here – in a deep, tight embrace, not knowing how to let go.

“I’m sorry.” This time he felt a lump in his throat form. An uncomfortable feeling of his eyes itching with tears abruptly brought memories about him dying. Kokichi Muta died. He spent minutes without a heartbeat and was brought back owing all he had to Utahime-san. He was brought back with an intention to die for his friends in order to redeem his selfish mistakes, but now, feeling Miwa’s forehead pressing into his bandaged shoulder, he thought for the first time since coming back, that, oh shit,

he didn’t want to die.

“It’s okay.” Miwa whispered. “You’re okay now. We’re okay.”

Kokichi noticed that he was crying only when Kasumi shifted a little, letting him drop his head on her shoulder. It probably looked pathetic, but he was too exhausted to care. He felt his whole body trembling and hot tears burning his skin.

“I’m sorry.” He muttered. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.”

He was saying the same words over and over again, and the more he said it the less meaning they had. Kasumi didn’t seem to mind the amount of meaning in them at all: she was caressing his hair slowly, whispering soft-soft words that he couldn’t put together in his current state.

Kokichi Muta was crying and crying and crying with the same words in his head.

I’m sorry, Miwa.

I don’t want to die.

Chapter 3

Notes:

hate to be that author, but sorry for the delay, had to travel 2k km back and forth because of a family emergency. everyone is luckily alive and going to be well, but what a hell of a week it was! hope you enjoy the chapter and have a fancy halloween!

It was late evening when he finally let himself out of Miwa’s room. It was raining slightly, sky covered with heavy clouds, moody yet comfy weather. Kokichi didn’t quite remember how he found himself outside, it seemed to him that he just wandered familiar corridors and halls until he faced the entrance. He stepped outside the facade, letting raindrops cover his face, water getting lost in his hair. Moody yet comfy, hah? It was his first time standing in the rain, right after he held the love of his life in his arms for the very first time. It was quite sad but somehow it didn’t make him feel down. How beautiful was the fact that he still had so many first-times left to encounter?

“You are prone to getting sick now, you know this, right?”

The voice made him shiver, but Muta didn’t open his eyes. It was easy for him to recognise this half-sarcastic tone, distinguish some friendly scoffing in-between the lines. He could almost see the smirk on Mai’s face – tired, but still fashionably the same.

“I was sick all my life. Don’t see how it can get any worse.” Kokichi ran a hand through his hair, shaking water off it.

“You just haven’t exorcized a curse with forty degrees fever yet.”

“So many new things to try, hah?”

When Kokichi turned around he saw Zenin sitting down on the porch with a cigarette in her hands. He stepped out of the rain and propped himself down next to her. He silently noted that the cigarette was neatly hand rolled and it made him chuckle. Mai shrugged in return, understanding the cause of this reaction perfectly.

“Didn’t know you smoke.”

“I don’t.” Mai answered and handed him the cigarette.

Kokichi breathed in smoke without thinking twice. He felt it deep in his lungs, filling his body with unknown sensation of comfort and warmth. It took him a second to burst into cough like a deadly ill person, eyes stinging with tears. Through his own suffering he heard Mai laugh on his side and suddenly the idea of smoking didn’t feel so bad.

“Who could have known that Mechamaru can’t handle a dose of healthy self-destruction!”

He hurried to give the cigarette back to Zenin. “Sorry, I only work with deeply unhealthy stuff.”

Mai didn’t say anything in return.

They sat down in silence for quite some time just observing the rain senselessly. Muta caught himself thinking that it should have been disturbing to sit so close to Mai Zenin after all that happened, it just should have been! He should have been scared for his life after Shibuya, but for some reason he just… didn’t. He just kept sitting down next to her, passively smoking, and there seemed to be no tension between them, no hidden resentment or hate. They were just two classmates sitting down on a porch, stealing a free second to smoke sneakily, afraid to catch Utahime’s eyes.

(They weren’t just two friends, were they?..)

Kokichi inhaled cold rainy air deeply. There was almost no smoke around anymore, but for some reason he still felt his eyes tingle. “You don’t hate me. Why?”

“What makes you think that I don’t?” Mai responded.

“I know you.”

“That’s the answer.”

Zenin finished the cigarette and showed the rest of it inside of a small box with filters. “How’s Miwa?”

Kokichi found this conversation weirdly comforting and decided to stop questioning the reasons behind it for now. He could always doubt his self-worth locked in his dark room alone, there was no need to steal precious moment of peace for it.

“She cried.” he answered. “I did too. But I think it’s okay. I mean, I think she’s okay. We talked a lot, she explained me how everything went in Shibuya, how are you all doing now, what’s happening here.” He stopped for a second. “She seems… weaker.”

“How could she not?” Mai shrugged. “You should try to feed our princess anything but water and see if you succeed.”

Despite the obviously rough tone there was true concern buried deep inside her eyes. She muttered something to herself and started rolling another cigarette. Kokichi assumed he knew everything after all these debriefs that different people gave him and especially after spending the day with Miwa talking, but it seemed that he lacked something extremely important. Something dark.

“Miwa’s room is inside of stuff’s wing.” He said.

“It is.”

“Why?”

Mai shrugged again. “Utahime decided it’s gonna be better than us guarding her room in turns. She’s right, I mean, it was quite exhausting, but it was our decision to do it in the first place since she stopped getting out of it, so…”

Kokichi couldn’t grasp what was hiding under all these words. Zenin was talking and talking and talking, but the words didn’t make sense inside of his head. Why was Miwa locked away from others? Why they needed to guard her? Was there someone trying to hurt her?

He didn’t notice that the last questing came out loud, he just noticed Mai freezing for a second, half-rolled cigarette in hands. She looked up at him for the first time since the conversation started.

“You really don’t understand, do you?”

He shook his head slowly. Zenin didn’t look surprised. She looked disappointed.

“There isn’t anyone trying to hurt her.” Mai said. “She’s perfectly capable of doing it herself.”

The world stopped making sense for a second. Time stopped, and there was only rain falling heavy on the street and unrolled cigarette in hands in front of him. It was Miwa, his Miwa, the sun not only of their year, but of all the Kyoto High. She loved everyone so deeply and everyone loved her in return in amount almost unimaginable for the place like that. Always the first to help, always the first to console, always the first to silently sit next to someone, showing her support in every possible way. Miwa Kasumi was the sun of their whole world.

What the fuck did Mai mean?

“You’re lying.”

“Why I don’t hate you, Kokichi Muta?”

(…I know you.)

“You are lying.”

“You know I never do.”

Somehow it put everything together and broke the picture apart at the same time. Kokichi looked back at the door for a reason unknown to him, like he could see through the wooden planks back to Miwa’s room – blank white and empty. If he actually made himself think about it, it wasn’t impossible. With all these events, with Shibuya incident, with Gojo Satoru’s sealing, with his death… it must have been a lot to take in. Muta felt guilt crippling in, slowly consuming every cell in his newly obtained body, leaving no space for anything but painful realisation that he failed, oh dear god he failed the only person he could have cared about this much. How dared he call it love if he kept failing her again and again?

His face must have changed significantly, because Mai lit up a cigarette and propped it into his hands tightly. Without saying a word, Kokichi made a deep puff of thick grey smoke that made his lungs hurt. He failed and started coughing like a mad man. He loved the feeling. He did it again, and again and again till his throat was sore from coughing.

Oh god, he thought to himself, was loving just an act of failing continuously while still loving nonetheless?

“If you came back just to mop around, then you as well could have stayed dead.” Mai said.

Kokichi couldn’t help but laugh. Hearing his own thoughts being said out loud by someone else felt like a slap in the face. He inhaled smoke again, this time without breaking down, and let go of his body, letting it fall back on the wooden porch. He lied down and felt moist wood under his fingertips, heard raindrops break apart meeting the ground, caught questioning gaze that Mai spared him.

“Sometimes I feel like I don’t know you at all.” He said.

Mai shrugged and stole her cigarette back.

***

They didn’t have anything planned for the next week. It was too dangerous to let students roam around by themselves as well as doing quests or any other activity on their own, so everyone found themselves quarantined inside of the school walls. No shopping trips allowed, no official news reaching them, not even a single group mission in sight. They were all left to Utahime’s attention, therefore tried to behave as well as it was humanly possible just not to bring any more trouble to their beloved teacher than she already had buried on her shoulders.

Kokichi found it amusing how everyone was still gathering in the main room even though they were free from classes and studying in general. They could have hid in their designated rooms, minding their own business, and it would have been the way Muta had imagined it to be. They could, but for some reason they didn’t.

When he came out of his room at nine in the morning, as soon as he woke up and had some breakfast, he found Noritoshi sitting down on the sofa with a book. They didn’t speak, but exchanged mutual nods as a soundless greeting. Later, around ten thirty, Todo showed up. His mood appeared to be more talkative, because he immediately grabbed Muta and made him deeply engaged into discussing sport matters. Despite it being pretty one-sided – Kokichi mostly nodded and showed that he was still listening while Aoi did all the talking – it still filled him with pure happiness to the rim. It seemed so normal, this conversation, so normal and usual that it almost made him scream from all mixed emotions he was getting from it. At least someone could have still seen him as a classmate, at least someone could have pretended to do so.

It was almost eleven when Momo dragged Mai inside.

“You can’t marinate in your room all day!” she was screaming. “There is no sunlight there! Do you even know how your skin feels without sunlight?”

“I don’t.” Mai answered simply. “We usually don’t talk.”

Nishimiya didn’t see him right until she almost tripped over his stretched legs. When she actually did notice him, the disgust on her face was so evident it seemed she would throw her guts right on the floor any minute. “What is he doing here?”

Zenin looked over him quickly. “I think he’s sitting down, but I’m not sure.”

Momo didn’t react on her mocking tone, but Todo couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. Noritoshi took out headphones and put them in with the same straight face he had since Kokichi opened the door. It looked like Kamo couldn’t care less about his presence, but the noise in fact did bother him a whole lot.

“He shouldn’t be allowed here. It’s a space for students.”

“He is a student.” Aoi answered simply. “Even if he’s not, I don’t see a problem. I was just finishing explaining my workout plan…”

“I can go.” Kokichi interrupted. “I don’t want anyone to feel unsafe here.”

He actually could go and he made up his mind about doing so as soon as he spoke up. The last thing Muta wanted to do was spreading chaos inside of the group. They already had enough on their plate, if they didn’t want to share a room with a traitor he would go find any other place to sit down in. He would lock himself up inside of his own dorm if it would mean that everyone else would feel safe and sound, even if for one quick moment.

Momo seemed unsatisfied with his answer. She opened her mouth, but didn’t have any time to say a word. They all heard the doorhandle move and turned their gazes at the door in instant. It opened slowly, almost like it was too heavy for a person to move, and closed behind them with a soft sound.

In the middle of the room there was Miwa standing.

She was wearing a simple blue dress and some unlaced shoes and her hair looked messy despite the ribbon holding it all together in a low ponytail. Her small hands were gripping on the sides of the board that she was holding so hard that her knuckles turned white. No one dared to say a word. It was Kasumi herself who broke an amused silence.

“Does anyone here… knows how to play chess?”

Chapter 4

Days went by with slow exhausting speed. Turned out being isolated from all the chaos happening outside had the best effect on everyone, but Mechamaru. Despite being a fair amount anxious about Culling Game, students seemed to accept that their help would come in handy when the right time came. Utahime didn’t share any news with them, and honestly Kokichi respected that decision even if he hated it with his whole being. Clocks were ticking and the sound of their hands moving slowly drove him crazy. He couldn’t speak about it with anyone since everything seemed so normal and calm, but he was slowly losing his mind. How could he destroy their fragile peace even more than he already was doing solely by his presence? If he focused on his breathing, he could have said that he still had ten fingers on his hands, two eyes, two legs, and a reason to stay sane:  

Miwa was doing better.

She started going outside of her room once a day and with every morning she spent progressively more and more time with her friends. Sometimes this time was just her napping on the couch with her head on Momo’s lap or sitting down next to the window with her phone. Muta noticed that she was exchanging long time-consuming messages with someone, but couldn’t bring himself to ask anything about it yet.

At some point, to make it easier for Kasumi, they started eating together. In the beginning it was Noritoshi casually bringing plates of food to the living room, no talking attached, then everyone started doing the same. With a blink of an eye they started sharing meals like a weird dysfunctional family. Miwa didn’t eat much, but she snacked here and there and drank tea that Mai casually offered her exactly when she finished her previous one. She even brought some cookies once for everyone to enjoy. Steps were really small, but their effect was purely magical.

Miwa started laughing and it sounded less like a forced act of politeness and more like a miracle coming alive. She hugged her friends, talked about shows they were watching together, took walks with Mai around the garden. Aoi developed a habit of carrying Kasumi on his shoulders every time they were outside together. Usually when it happened her loud laugh lured all students to the garden one by one and somehow it was one and only occasion for them to actually act their age. By helping their friend they suddenly found themselves saving each other every day.

“Put her down!” Momo jumped around trying to grab Miwa’s hand that was waving far in the air. “I swear to gods Todo if you drop her I’ll end you!”

“Try to catch me first!” he screamed loudly and darted off down the hill.

Nishimiya obviously started running after them, took two steps, slid and faceplanted into tall grass. Mai and Noritoshi ouched at the same time and hurried over to help. It must have been some type of curse acting out, because Kamo slid at the same place with the same speed and in the same way. He unintentionally grabbed Zenin’s arm to stabilise himself, but instead of standing up straight they both ended up rolling down the hill. At some point Momo decided to “roll with it”, but physically – she turned to her side and rolled down the hill following her classmates. They all ended up right at Todo’s feet, laughing, cheeks red and clothes stained with fresh grass. Miwa laughed so hard she almost fell down from his shoulders. As soon as the laugh started to fade away, they looked up at each other’s faces and it started again with new unleashed force.

At moments like this Kokichi was keeping himself far behind everyone, not wanting to disrupt their happy moments. He shared his solitude with Utahime, that always opened windows of her office wide as soon as she heard the laugh starting to grow into the distance. He sat down next to her on the grass, and they silently observed children being children. Despite being the same age, Muta automatically crossed himself off the list – he considered himself far too broken for simple pleasures and feelings. They should have never had to fight in a war – he should have. He was born to be a fighting material, a person that would sacrifice himself first so others wouldn’t have to. He was born and raised in living hell and he was ready to do anything so they would never live through something terrible like that.

“You know,” Utahime said once, “you are also a child.”

Kokichi just laughed at this remark at it almost felt painful. When he was away from Miwa and his mind kept trailing back to dark places he tended to forget how hard he cried, hands gripping on her waist, how he whaled that he was sorry, so so sorry, and that he

didn’t actually want to die.

“Send me there.” He said.

Utahime just shook her head. “You shouldn’t be so eager to play with death when you have already lost once.”

“I can’t be so lucky twice, can I?”

In the distance, Miwa sat down to pick little traces of grass from Noritoshi’s hair.

“Next week.” She said, leaning back from the window. Her gaze lingered on her students laying down in the garden. Aoi noticed her and started waving his hand. Everyone picked it up quickly, and suddenly everyone was screaming teacher’s name, waving happily. She smiled and gave them a small wave back.

“It’s not about sending me away.” Kokichi suddenly realised.

Utahime reached out for a window handle. “No, it’s not.”

And closed it shut tightly.

***

That evening they all came back tired and sleepy and decided to order some pizza. Aoi and Mai sat down on the carpet, looking through some martial arts books that looked so old they were almost considered a relic. Noritoshi was still fighting with grass in his hair and somehow Kokichi found himself helping. Momo was comfortably taking half of the couch, with the other half taken by Miwa – she was braiding her blue hair into two beautiful braids. There was some popular tv-show playing in the background which no one actually cared about, but enjoyed some good old white noise to relax.

Muta was sparing glances at Kasumi so often, that at some point he hear Mai laugh. When he looked at her, she put an “L” on her forehead and rolled her eyes. He rolled his eyes back at her. There was no possible way he was to interrupt such a peaceful picture playing out in front of his eyes. He always could have talked to her later, there was no need to rush. Now he had the time, now he had all the time in the world.

Getting bored of talking, Zenin got up and stretched her arms up into the sky. She walked around the carpet to woke up her legs a little, and stopped in front of the window. It was a big window on the first floor that led right into the main entrance: through the garden to the gate, with a view on the long bridge crossing a river. She froze for a second, but nobody but Muta noticed it. He instinctively leaned forward, trying to understand the reason, and saw a figure approaching the entrance.

“Miwa.” Mai suddenly called out. “I think it’s for you.”

Kasumi didn’t even open her eyes. “Stop making fun of me, Mai. You know I have no visitors. You can go pick up pizza yourself.”

“I’m not.” Mai answered and only then Miwa turned her head and their glances met.

Kokichi didn’t understand this conversation and it took him a second to realise that he was getting mad that he didn’t understand it. There was a male figure that he didn’t recognise passing through the gate right into the garden, and somehow it was related to Miwa, and somehow he was still completely unaware. Oh dear, he was in fact getting insane here, wasn’t he?

“Really?” Miwa whispered.

Mai just shrugged, opened the window and gestured to it with a light move of her hand. Momo understood the sign and immediately dropped unfinished braid almost like blue hair was burning her fingertips. It was a right thing to do, because Kokichi didn’t even blink when Kasumi jumped on her feet and unsurely wandered towards the window.

“Really?..”

Mai smiled and gave her a small nod.

And apparently it was completely enough for Miwa to lose all of her tiredness and jump through the open window completely barefoot. Somehow nobody seemed bothered by it, only Kokichi found himself glued to the glass, observing situation unfolding in front of his eyes anxiously.

Miwa ran through the garden full speed, unfinished braid getting loose and letting the wind play with her beautiful locks. The boy approaching also seemed happy to see her: he dropped his bag on the grass and opened his arms, catching Kasumi jumping in them right on time. She embraced him tightly, laugher echoing in every corner of the room, and he span her around several times like it was nothing. Then, instead of putting her down, he frowned, noticing her bare feet, and swinged a hand under her knees, picking Miwa up like a princess. Her face reddened obviously and she slammed his shoulder, but the boy didn’t accept any signs of protest. He picked his bag up easily and walked back to the window.

“I guess in my absence doors went out of style.” He smiled, carefully sitting Miwa down on the edge of the window. Kokichi couldn't help but notice the gentleness inside every touch he was giving Kasumi and it almost pushed him over the line. Mechamaru felt like there was a mechanism getting out of service somewhere inside him, because the way he felt sick to the bones only from looking at the boy couldn't be good. “Don’t ran out barefoot like this, you can get sick.”

Miwa shined back a bright smile, tugging at the edge of boy’s clothes. “I just missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

Mai scrunched her nose artistically. “We are also very happy to see you, Yuta.”

And Yuta Okkotsu just smiled back.

Notes:

introducing the best friendship dynamics inside this fic for you to enjoy. you're welcome.

Chapter 5

Notes:

CW: Kokichi is having an intense dark panic attack. A little bit of graphic violence and blood included. Have fun, but be careful.

If he had never known anything about Yuta Okkotsu, he would have been knocked off by the amount of pure concentrated cursed energy that flooded the room as soon as the boy swung his legs across the window. It was hard to feel changes in energy flows when he was operating Mechamaru since it wasn’t his actual physical body, but now Kokichi felt goosebumps cover his skin – Yuta was the strongest sorcerer he had encountered since coming back alive and it was almost terrifying. He looked around, trying to see if anyone else felt like a prey being hunted for sport, but everyone else didn’t seem to mind. Noritoshi shook hands with Okkotsu, Aoi gave him a pat on the back strong enough to make poor boy fold in half. Everyone kept talking how he changed a lot, Momo even compared heights with him and get out of this competition obviously defeated. It was… weird. Something felt wrong with this guy, badly-badly wrong, but he couldn’t bring up any theories.

It took Kokichi a good moment to realise Miwa was tugging on his sleeve.

“Everything’s fine?” she asked.

He put a friendly smile back and tried his best not to make it feel forced. “Of course it is.”

“Miwa, this show-off brough back presents!” Momo made Kasumi turn her way. Before letting go of his sleeve, Miwa locked eyes with him once again. Was it his mind acting out or did she look… worried?

On the carpet Yuta’s bag was being taken apart. Almost half of it was different local snacks and sweets he brought back from overseas. He simply dumped all of them in front of his friends and let them pick anything they wanted and it got everyone quite busy for a second. Everyone but Okkotsu himself.

“Is it a guy you wrote me about?” he asked simply, almost like Muta wasn’t two meters away from him. Miwa nodded. She found more interest in just sitting next to Yuta’s side than in snacks he brought. Without getting up, Okkotsu extended a hand to Muta. “My name is Okkotsu Yuta, I don’t think we have met before.”

Kokichi didn’t want to shake his hand, but he knew Kasumi was monitoring his every move. So he did. He came closer and accepted a handshake, making it look so-so easy, so-so not nauseating. As soon as their hands connected, he felt his insides throbbing with sudden feel of deep-rooted anguish.

“I heard a lot about you.” Yuta smiled, but there was nothing good behind this gesture. “Have been out and about, hah?” the handshake tightened and it made obvious that, oh shit, he knew. Yuta Okkotsu knew what he had done. It wasn’t a friendly interaction, it wasn’t him trying to establish a connection with one of Miwa’s friends, no, no-no-no-no.

It was a threat.

Yuta could have killed him again with such ease it wouldn’t even considered a fight. It was a clear threat, it was a message – mind your steps, mind your decisions, mind who are associating yourself with. There was so many things behind dark blue eyes, but even with this abundance of worries it was impossible to miss the greatest one, the one that was trying to tie her hair back together in the background. Okkotsu was clear with all his intentions, but the clearest one was focused on Miwa.

“Hurt her,” he said without saying a word, “and I will find you. I will track you down anywhere in the world and I will make you pray to gods you never knew existed. You will be begging for this badly sewn parody on a human to come kill you again. Being good is a choice and I can easily decide not to make it.”

“I’ll be keeping an eye on you, Kokichi Muta.” He said out loud and let go of his hand.

Kokichi didn’t notice that he stepped several good steps back, it was Mai who quite literally caught him stumbling down. She wrapped her hand around his arm, making it look casual, and helped him over to an armchair. “First time, hah?”

“He’s cursed.” Kokichi whispered to her. “He’s… He can’t be human. He’s cursed.”

“Well, I guess you can put it out like this.” Mai waved at Yuta and Yuta waved back at her with a smile. He gestured to snacks left on the carpet and she just shook her head in return. “Thank you, loverboy, but you can’t buy me. I don’t have a sweet tooth for men.”

“How he even knows all of you?”

Zenin shrugged. “Been studying with us here and there before going away. He’s a nice guy, really, only awkward at times. He grew a lot since we last saw him. Can’t tell it’s a surprise though, he is a protégé in the end, he can do anything he puts his mind to.”

Kokichi couldn’t find an answer to that. He sat down, still feeling his heart racing an invisible race, and tried to focus on his friends. It was easy in the beginning – they all were hilarious, sharing sweets with each other – but as soon as his eyes found Miwa he couldn’t take them away anymore. His heart, his poor heart that only started to calm down slowly, suddenly rushed back again, this time with a completely different emotion.

Yuta was talking quietly to Kasumi. He smiled and took a hair tie from her hands, gesturing for Miwa to turn to the side. They kept talking friendly as Okkotsu run his finders through unbraided part of long blue hair, brushing it thought. Kokichi felt last traces of fear starting to disintegrate, leaving his system filled with something raging inside, something uncomfortable, something driving him deeply-deeply mad. Yuta Okkotsu was sitting there, peacefully braiding Miwa’s hair, and Kokichi was meters apart, feeling his hands close into fists. Oh sweet god,

was he jealous?

“You’re staring.” Mai said.

“I’m not.”

“Oh, sorry, of course you are not.” She prepped herself on the armrest. “It’s just your usual face.”

It felt almost painful to take his eyes away from the scene. “What’s wrong with my face?”

Mai shrugged, casually opening one of the snacks she took from the pile. Muta looked back. Miwa was checking her reflection in her phone screen, being extremely happy with the hairstyle. Yuta was smiling all the time, and Kokichi felt the raging need of knocking this happy smile off of his face immediately. Overwhelmed with emotions, Kasumi reached out and pulled the boy close to herself, hugging him tightly. It was obviously an unexpected move, because Yuta lost his balance and they started falling backwards, still linked together, pushing Noritoshi with his book so hard he almost fell down himself.

“Oh my god, get a fucking room!” Momo raised her hands to Aoi’s face, covering his eyes shut.

It wasn’t friendly. There was no way in the whole world it was friendly. Yuta was holding himself up with one hand, and with another hand he was holding Miwa’s head close to his shoulder, so she wouldn’t hit it on the hard wooden flooring. Everything he did, every touch he gave her, it all was filled with a sickening amount of gentleness Kokichi had never seen anyone show so openly before. Okkotsu meanwhile threw a quick apology to Kamo, and propped himself up with Kasumi still in his hands.

“Are you hurt?” he asked, and Miwa just laughed back.

“No, I’m just really happy for you to be back.”

Kokichi couldn’t remember the last time he saw Kasumi laugh so much since he came back. She was occasionally happy, especially when surrounded with her friends, but she never was that happy. It was almost like she was glowing from head to toes with pure radiating happiness. They acted like a long-distance couple reuniting and nobody seemed to give a single fuck. What was wrong with all of them? Or was it just casual information that only Muta wasn’t aware of? Were they actually in love and he didn’t know? Before disappearing completely he sent a message to her, he told her to find someone who was going to protect her as hard and devoting as he did, he told her to do it, he himself told her to do it and he remembered it as vividly as he remembered dying. He told Miwa to do it himself, how could he even have a right to be upset now, when she actually went and followed his last wish? Oh.

Oh this one hit hard.

“Get up.” Mai said suddenly. He didn’t hear her, so she grabbed his shoulder and physically pulled him up. “We’re going to make some tea. Anyone wants some?”

After taking everyone’s orders, Mai stepped outside of the door and dragged Kokichi behind like a lifeless doll. He was hitting the corners and running into furniture, not being able to see anything, but lights, lights, lights. As soon as they got to the kitchen, she showed him hard inside and shut the door closed. He stumbled upon a counter, knocking off something, but he couldn’t put anything together. Sounds, pictures, Zenin’s face, her words, light around, sounds, sounds, sounds. He suddenly remembered Mahito. He heard his manic laugh ring in his ears. He saw his own blood on his hands. He felt the pain come back. There were flashes of light. There was Miwa’s smiling face. There was the smell of fresh grass mixed with dark drying blood. Noises. Lights. Mai’s hand, grabbing his arm. Sounds. Someone was screaming. The voice sounded familiar. Was it Miwa? Was she hurt? Was she crying? Was he late again, late for everything in his life, never on time?

“I don’t want to die,” Kokichi thought. “I don’t want to die again.”  

The voice was so-so-so familiar. Screaming turned to whispers. He looked down on his hands and saw blood. He saw blood all around the floor he was sitting on. He saw blood on the wooden counter. He saw blood on Mai’s clothes. Who’s blood was it? He looked down to see a bleeding wound on his stomach. He could have seen his own insides if he looked long enough. It was his blood, wasn’t it? On the floor, on the counter, on his hands…

Was he too late to understand that he didn’t want to die?

Was he too late?

“Hold that.”

Muta felt his hand close on something cold. The feeling was so real and intense it pinched his skin painfully. He felt the same coldness in his other hand, he felt something freezing being pressed right into his chest. He couldn’t see straight, only lights, noises, whispers. The voice was familiar. The voice was familiar.

The voice was familiar because it was his.

Minutes flew and flew by, and at some point, he didn’t quite notice when, he suddenly found himself sitting down on the kitchen floor. His hands were holding onto melting pieces of ice, and he had a bag of frozen peas showed under his shirt. Kokichi blinked several times and finally saw Mai. She was putting teacups on a tray when she noticed he was staring at her.

“Oh, welcome back!” she kneeled down next to him. “All good? You scared the shit out of me, dude! When everything finally ends I’ll ask Utahime for a good fucking head doctor for you, my friend.”

“I don’t need any doctors, especially head.” Kokichi took the bag of peas from under his shirt and handed it to Mai. She put it back into freezer like nothing happened.

“Of course, mister my-jealousy-put-me-though-a-panic-attack.”

He frowned. “It wasn’t like this. I just… Got overwhelmed with everything, I guess? If she’s happy, I have no right to feel this way about her or Yuta or the whole situation in general. My feelings are both neither her burden nor her fault. Yuta seems like a good caring person who actually wants to protect Miwa.” Muta felt a sickening feeling inside of his stomach grow. “He is good for her.”

“Wow.” Mai breathed out. “You are actually godgamn blind.”

There was something unreadable in Zenin’s expression, but she didn’t say anything else at all. She got up, got the tray and gestured to a bowl of fruits on the counter. Muta took it and they both left the kitchen, acting like nothing happened. There was no blood on his hands anymore.

They were so clean and neat it made him question if there was any on them to begin with.

Notes:

firstly, vote for Mai and Kokichi's friendship to bring it out to masses. these bitches are platonic soulmates who understand each other without words. period.
secondly, look at mechamaru having a panic attack after feeling too much concerning feelings at the same time! the boy is just like me fr.

Chapter 6

Notes:

No warnings this time, enjoy the chaos of two teenagers in love! xoxo

When they entered the room with a tray full of differently coloured cups, there were nothing special going on. Noritoshi took a place in an armchair, coming back to enjoying his book, Aoi was studying martial arts history next to him, and Momo was on the carpet rebraiding her own hair. A couch was occupied by Miwa and Okkotsu engaged in an active, but quiet conversation. To see everything go back after his intense outburst felt painfully weird for Kokichi. In the back of his mind he was hopeful that nobody heard him screaming, but he couldn’t bring himself to be stressed enough about it since the front of his mind was too busy looking at Kasumi holding Yuta’s hands in hers, observing carefully coloured black nails.

While the kettle was boiling, Mai told him that they weren’t actually friends friends. Moreover, she herself didn’t fancy Yuta that much – he was really close friends with Maki and it explained everything clearly. The boy was way closer with his Tokyo classmates, but for some reason he decided to come first thing first to Kyoto. Kokichi could have asked himself “why?”, but the reason was happily chatting with the problem on the couch.

“He wasn’t too remarkable then, but they clicked in immediately, we have no idea why. Seems like Miwa has a thing for weirdos.” Zenin spared him a knowing look that Muta didn’t quite get. “I don’t know much, this kind of tea is far away from my interests, but I know that they have been exchanging whole fucking letters in their phones right since he left. Guess they share something that we don’t.”

Now, looking at how happy Miwa was as Yuta played with her hair, Kokichi knew exactly what these two shared.

“Tea is back, I’m not serving so you can come pick it up yourself!” Mai placed a tray on the table, got her and Momo’s cups and went straight to her friend. Nishimiya accepted her tea and hurried to hide a smitten smile behind it.

The world kept spinning around like nothing happened. Kokichi kept standing in the entrance, feeling anxiety rising again with a newly upgraded speed. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t have a clue where to put himself, what to use to get his head busy enough not to hurt his heart again. In desperate attempts to do at least something, he picked up Miwa’s blue cup and brought it to the sofa. As soon as he got closer, the conversation between Kasumi and Yuta suddenly froze. They looked up at him like two teenagers caught in doing something completely against the rules. Wow, he thought to himself.

Being alive fucking sucks.

“Is everything okay?” Yuta asked and Kokichi could have bet his new and already damaged life that playing with Miwa’s hair while talking wasn’t that goddamn necessary.

“Got your tea.” He turned to Kasumi.

She looked a little lost accepting a cup from his hands. He tried his best not to touch her fingers by accident. “Oh. Thank you.” They shared a knowing look with Okkotsu and once again in this cursed evening Kokichi Muta felt like throwing himself out of the window. “Do you want to join?” Kasumi tried to make some space for him by moving closer to Yuta. He got a hand on her waist pretty quickly, helping the girl out.

For lord’s fucking sake, it wasn’t necessary.

“No.” Kokichi answered and it came out a fair amount too sharp for a friendly answer, so he tried to conceal his mistake quickly. “Thank you though. I need to pop up by Utahime’s office for a quick check.”

He was openly, wholeheartedly, sincerely lying. There was no checks for him to attend and he haven’t seen Utahime since their concerning little talk in the garden. Moreover, he had nothing planned but to sit in the common room, wait for pizza that was already taking too long, and watch a new episode of some silly reality show that was playing in the background on weekends. It felt completely wrong to lie to Miwa – to lie to Miwa again – but if he stayed in the same room with Okkotsu Yuta for another second he would have killed someone, either him or himself.

Kasumi didn’t seem to notice the obvious lie. “Okay. Do you want me to come with you?”

The guilt that had already been a size big enough to fill his whole insides proceeded to grow twice as much when he looked at her again. Miwa was so sweet to him, offering a comfort talk, a helping hand, a friend. She was so insanely sweet to him and the only thing he could have thought about was ripping Yuta’s hands off of her waist with unneeded amount of violence used. He was disgusted by his own broken mind, by his own cursed heart, by his own dirty thoughts. Miwa was never anything but good to him, how dare he feel so possessive of her? He didn’t own her, she wasn’t a doll to be owned by someone in the first place. She was free to do whatever she wanted to with whoever she wanted to, and the only right choice for Muta was to be happy for her.

But was it actually the right choice if it felt like his chest was being cut open alive?

Kokichi smiled back at her. “No,” he said. “I’ll manage.”

He might have closed the door behind himself a little too loud for a person that would have “managed”.

Everyone went silent for a quick second, but then the life continued to go its way like nothing had really happened. Only Aoi moved closer to the girls on the carpet, whispering quietly: “He, erm, really doesn’t know?”

“No.” Momo answered easily.

“And we won’t tell him?”

“No.”

“But…”

Nishimiya looked down at him, leaving no place for a quarrel. “Do you mind minding your own business or should I give you something else to be bothered with?”

***

The garden was quiet and chilly. It was hard to imagine that it was the same place where they all had so much fun only hours earlier. If Kokichi looked long enough, he could have seen traces of flattened grass following the way his classmates had been rolling down a small hill this afternoon. If he listened closely enough, he could have heard Miwa’s laugh echo in his ears, soft and giggly. How long he had been sitting here? An hour? Two? Maybe more, if his hands feel so freezingly cold and his throat hurts from breathing in cold evening air. The noise of the grass, the wind, cicadas playing their simple songs over and over again – it all should have helped in calming him down, but made him feel even more lonely instead. The only thing that mattered enough for him to come back was Miwa. What could he do now, when he was too late? Or was he late all this time to begin with?

If he closed his eyes, he could have seen Yuta’s hand with nails painted black brush through Miwa’s silky hair. Oh dear lord,

Was he actually too late?

There was a quiet shift of the window opening and he felt something soft being draped over his shoulders. A second later he saw two colourful slippers, that he could have recognised fast enough as Momo’s, and then a person slid from the windowsill down. How did they know he wasn’t in Utahime’s office like he said he would? Did Nishimiya come to comfort him? Well, if she actually did, it was quiet an unusual choice. Could have sent Mai instead – he would prefer physical torture instead of mental one for sure. Kokichi didn’t look to his side till the person wrapped a hand around his arm and placed their head on his shoulder.

“Long day for all of us, hah?”

Oh.

It wasn’t Momo.

Muta turned his head slowly just to find carefully braided blue hair on his shoulder. Oh.

Oh.

“How did you know…”

Miwa just shrugged. “You have been sitting here every time we went outside.”

“Not every.”

“Four out of five.”

“Wrong.”

“I counted.”

Kokichi felt his breath got caught up deep in his chest. He was pretty sure nobody else could have found him here, it was a nice place that gave him the ability to look over the whole garden, but not to be in plain sight. Nobody else could have. She counted. Despite the whole desperate mood he was in, he couldn’t fight a smile shining on his face. Miwa shifted closely, rubbing her cheek onto soft blanket she had draped over his shoulders. His heart stopped. He was so deeply into her it was embarrassing to accept.

He couldn’t help but spare a quick look at Kasumi. Momo’s sleepers, clothes still stained with grass, neatly braided hair… She was wearing a black jean jacket with different pins and patches that clearly didn’t belong to her. There was a picture of Yuta walking across the bridge that popped up in his head almost immediately. He was wearing the exact same black jacket. Of course. He felt the crippling need to move away – it was wrong to have these feelings towards someone who was obviously taken – but he couldn’t, he just couldn’t. Since he came back they barely had any time to spend alone with each other, so he basked in the sunlight of Miwa’s presence like it was the only thing he knew.

“I’m sorry.” he said.

“For what?”

“For lying.”

For running away, for lying about it, for having a deadly amount of pure love inside that made him so desperate for even the smallest crumbs of her attention. For lying. For everything.

“Tch.” Miwa hummed. “No worries.”

Somehow being so close to each other must have been normal for Kasumi, because she moved his arm to the side and slid even closer, covering both of them under a blanket. Kokichi wanted to scream and cry at the same time. Was being alive always that painful or was it an addon coming with a fully functioning body that he wasn’t aware of?

They sat together for some time, looking at the evening sky slowly turning from red to dark-blue. Kokichi Muta would have lied if he said he didn’t enjoy Miwa’s presence. He felt her shoulders slowly rise and fall as she was breathing in cold spring air, he felt her hands still linked around his arm and longer pieces of her bangs touching uncovered skin of his neck. If today never happened, if Yuta Okkotsu never showed up, if the jacket she was cuddling in wasn’t his… Kokichi hated himself for these thoughts and the hate was bitter and deep, scratching his insides as a wild animal trying to get out of the metal cage. It wasn’t the worst, though – the feeling of guilt was way more painful than anything he had ever felt in his entire life. Cicadas kept singing in the background as Kasumi poked his shoulder with her nose:

“Can I ask you something?”

There it was. Now she was going to ask him about his unhealthy possessiveness, about his screams muffed by kitchen doors shut closed, about the way his whole energy changed around Yuta. Now she was going to ask him about everything. And this time he wouldn’t lie.

“Of course.”

It took Miwa a few seconds to compose herself. She even sat up straight, moving away a little bit so she would be able to look Kokichi in the eyes. He hated this. Every cell in his body was vibrating with deep pain and his eyes were tingling with upcoming tears. How did it come that he didn’t cry when his body was teared to threads, but he couldn’t hold his feelings down when he looked in these blue eyes in front of him?

“Just so you know,” she started, “it doesn’t matter to me. The answer can be the anything and it won’t affect out relationship in a slightest. You are and will be my dear friend no matter what.”

Please, Muta heard his own voice ring through his head, please hurry up and say it. His own pleas echoed inside of his mind and with every recurrence they were becoming louder and louder, making his hands shake. He gripped the edge of the blanket so tight his knuckles turned pale white. That was it. That was the end. In spite of everything she said, he knew, he just knew nothing would be the same when he speaks up. How could it?

“I know it’s really personal, so I won’t pressure, it’s okay if you don’t want to answer. I just wanted to ask, because you know, we are friends and I care about you, so…”

He held his breath, unable to move. Miwa was picking on the edge of the jacket nervously.

“Kokichi,” she asked. “Are you gay?”

Suddenly there was nothing but cicadas left.

“What?..”

Miwa freaked out. “I mean, not like I care, you know? Obviously I don’t! I mean, I care about you, not who you like! Well, I would care about who you like, you are my friend, but not in that sense…”

Kokichi couldn’t say a word. He was pretty sure he went completely mute from this question. The mess that he displeasingly called his own mind was so silent and blank it looked like an absolutely white page. His mouth fell open and he couldn’t physically pull it back close.

What did she mean he’s gay?

“It’s not like you look like one either, you know. And not like looking like one is bad, I’m just saying that I would never tell if I didn’t notice how you look at Yuta!”

When he spoke, his voice was raspy and quiet. “…how I look at Yuta?”

“Yes! I know he’s a pretty boy, and you are a pretty boy, and you were eying him all evening, literally non-stop, so I just figured I may as well ask!”

Kokichi couldn’t feel his own body anymore. “You think I’m a pretty boy?”

“Of course I think you’re a pretty boy, what else could I think about you?” Miwa shook her hands nervously. “And I don’t want you to get hurt, you are my friend. I don’t care that you’re gay, I care about you! If you like Yuta it’s completely okay, I just didn’t want you to develop anything since Yuta is kind of occupied by someone else.”

This whole conversation was so out of nowhere Muta’s mind couldn’t completely comprehend it.

“And by someone else you mean you?”

Kasumi froze in place. “What?” She looked like Kokichi said something so incredibly wrong and dumb it shook her whole world. “Dear, Yuta is, like, one hundred percent gay. Like, totally gay. So gay even Mai can’t stand to be in the same room with him.”

“But you seemed so close…”

“Of course we seemed so close, he’s my best friend and I haven’t seen him in months!”

“But…”

Miwa started waving her hands in front of her in a way that looked almost hysterical. “Yuta has a thing for a cursed speech guy from Tokyo!”

“Inumaki? Really?”

“Don’t ask me any questions!” she blurted out. “And don’t you dare tell anyone! It’s a top secret!”

If he was completely honest, he had no fucking desire neither to share this information nor to share the conversation in which he had obtained it. Kokichi couldn’t really speak, it felt like a machine inside his head that was producing sentences were suddenly caught up in flames after the first question. Miwa thought he was gay, Miwa actually thought he was gay. The girl he was deadly in love with thought he was gay. He had never drank in his entire life, but he knew straight away he needed a shot or two to absorb this conversation fully.

“So… you are not gay?”

“No.” he answered. “And you are not in love with Yuta?”

“Of course not!” Kasumi looked so red it was fun to watch. Well, it would be fun to watch if he wasn’t freaking the hell out himself. “He’s like a sibling to me, nothing else. His nice and polite and such a gentleman, but only in platonic ways!”

Only in platonic ways. Oh god.

His body suddenly felt too heavy to keep it upwards, so he leaned forward, pressing his forehead into Miwa’s shoulder. Her hand instantly got into his hair, comfortably brushing through it with her fingers. It felt like heaven on earth. He could finally breath again.

Now, when he stopped avoiding that cursed jacket with all of his being, he could finally look over the pins. There, in between some international music groups and an anime title, was a bright pride flag. Right under it there was another one, mainly in blue colours, and then some other slightly related lgbt+ ones. Oh. Was it always so easy? Did everyone else know? Did Mai know?

Muta sighed heavily. “I’m so gonna have a talk with Zenin about it.”

“Don’t be mad at her for not telling you.” Miwa lightly brushed her nails against the back of his head and he felt his whole face flash red. “You know she was outed, it’s more important for her than to anyone else to keep secrets close. Especially these kind of ones.”

Despite the burning desire to throw something heavy in Mai’s head, Kokichi understood fully that she was completely right. It wasn’t his business after all, who Yuta liked or didn’t like. If he was so eager to know he should have asked Okkotsu himself or at least pull Miwa aside. It was no one’s fault but his for deciding that he didn’t need to talk to anyone about his worries. Still, if the time suddenly went back, he knew he wouldn’t have asked anyway. It was a trait built so deep into his character that he barely could have imagined himself without it. He always went through everything alone, why would it ever be changed?

Why would it never be changed?

“Thank you.” He said.

“For what?”

For always turning up even better than I had ever imagined.

“For everything.”

Following an impulse, he turned his face towards Miwa’s neck and rubbed his nose lightly against her soft skin. Her hand froze for a second, but continued almost immediately like nothing happened. It felt so good, being close to her, he could have sworn that an hour of being cuddled together would have solved most of his problems. He didn’t care about the goddamn jacket anymore, he didn’t care about a memory of black-coloured nails brushing through her hair, he didn’t care about the fact that Yuta probably waited for them in the living room. Nothing matted anymore: only the warmth of Miwa’s skin and her hand lost in his hair.

He felt the words tingling on the tip of his tongue.

I like you.

“Miwa?”

“Mmhm?”

The window right above them opened loudly.

“What did I tell you about snuggling in common spaces?” Utahime screamed out. “Right in front of my office, no shame at all!”

Miwa jumped a good meter away, face as red as the sky over them, and started getting back on her feet hurryingly. “It’s not what it looks like!”

“Yeah, of course, like I never was a student myself.” Utahime rolled her eyes.

Kokichi looked back at her. “What do you mean?”

“Shoo!” teacher screamed out again. “I count till five and if you’re not back in your dorms after I’ll add three circles to tomorrow’s run!”

“Till five?” Miwa panicked.

“Can we at least crawl up though your window?” Muta smirked back at her, having too much confidence gifted him by a two minute cuddle session.

“One!”

“Going, going, oh my god!”

When they were crawling back into the building through the class window, Miwa suddenly froze, looking at Kokichi strangely. “It would sound weird, but I am so glad you’re not gay.” She got off the windowsill accepting his helping hand. “Can’t imagine if it happened to me twice.”

“Happened what?” Muta looked lost as she marched past him with a blanket in her hands. “Miwa? What do you mean twice?”

Notes:

Miwa: if i had a nickel every time it happened i would have two nickels. which is not a lot but weird it happened twice----

Chapter 7

Soon enough it turned out that Okkotsu’s visit wasn’t based purely on a friendship matter. In the end of the evening, long after everyone had enjoyed some pizza and casual talking, he excused himself for some time. Yuta didn’t come back alone – suddenly Utahime entered the living room, having seemingly different mood from the one Miwa and Kokichi had caught her in hours earlier. Muta already knew what was about to happen. Discreetly, he reached out for Kasumi’s hand and squeezed it lightly. She didn’t look back at him, but shifted slightly to intertwine their fingers together.

“I hope you all had a great rest.” Utahime started. “Because from tomorrow and for foreseeable future Tokyo department will need all of our resources in fighting against the Culling Game. Culling Game first and foremost, and also anything and anyone that gets in a way of the plan.”

The atmosphere in a room changed in a matter of seconds. Momo sat down tall, spine straight as an arrow, Mai next to her took her hands out of pockets and shared meaningful glances with Noritoshi who did the same. Aoi stood right up, looking ready to start the journey right there and now. Kokichi didn’t move, clinging desperately onto Miwa’s hand as it was the only thing keeping him stable enough not to slip through the ground.

He felt scared and empowered at the same time. Mostly his fear came not from facing their enemies, but from meeting another sorcerers, who had long marked him as a deadman. Would they be mad? Terrified? Angry? His own classmates reacted pretty well – better than he had expected anyway – but Tokyo one’s were a completely different story. Muta did send almost all Kyoto school away from the centre of a disaster, but everyone else weren’t aware till the very end of the sealing process. It was also impossible to put aside the fact that even if everyone in the sorcery world was shook by the loss of Gojo Satoru, all of the Tokyo Jujutsu High was hit far way worse than anyone could have ever imagined. While everyone had lost the strongest soldier or the worst enemy, sorcerers of Tokyo High lost their beloved teacher, their best friend, their mentor and saviour.

Kokichi would have totally understand if he got punched in the face the second they heard who he actually was.

“It’s an extremely dangerous operation that will require your ultimate best in every way, from fighting to cooperating. As a current head of Kyoto High, I want to assure you that everyone understands the risks that we are getting you into and all of the faculty stuff members will put their best into keeping you all safe.”

“You can skip the familiarities.” Mai grinned. “You know we will put our lives if it would mean this fucking asshole would be finally stopped.”

Kokichi couldn’t help but smile. He didn’t want to die, but Zenin made everything seem so simple. It was what they needed the most: this simplicity. Utahime was doing her best in following an official regalement, but everyone in the room could have sworn that nothing made them more fearless than Mai addressing an ultimate evil as “a fucking asshole”. Momo showed her side lightly:

“Don’t interrupt the teacher!”

“Thank you, Nishimiya, but Mai is actually right.” Utahime intertwined her hands inside of her sleeves. “If we step outside of the school head responsibilities and step into your teacher ones,” she looked over her students with a confident smile that made everyone straighten out their spines. “Be smart, make some noise, help each other and come back alive. Let’s show everyone what Kyoto Jujutsu High is made of, should we?”

Time seemed to slow down. Todo jumped in place, screaming, Momo started shaking Mai’s hand in hers violently. Even Noritoshi laughed, which made everyone immediately shift their focus at him. Students started yelling at each other with no ill intentions behind the noise, and suddenly fighting with their lives on the line didn’t seem that bad. Miwa giggled, putting her head on Kokichi’s shoulder, and he let go of her hand only to hug her closer. Nobody but him noticed how bad Utahime was in faking smiles. Yuta put his hand on her spine, supporting silently, and they stood in the middle of the chaos like this, enjoying last minutes of peace before the hell opened up right under.

Hours later, in a night train, Kasumi shoved his shoulder lightly. “Kokichi?”

“Yes?” 

“I don’t think I’m ready to die.”

He reached over and took her hand in his, a gesture that was slowly becoming more and more easy to execute. “I don’t think anyone truly is.”

***

“So you want to tell us…”

“Tell us that it is Mechamaru?”

“Alive?”

Muta felt like sinking into the ground. All of the Tokyo department was circling him, one even more impressed that the other, and the room was so unreadable it made his anxiety jump to the sky. Unfortunately, all his classmates were specifically instructed to stay a little behind and intervene only in case the violence gets out of hand, so he had no one by his side to find support in. 

“I want to say that I am sorry for all that I did and for how it affected you.” He tried. “And I am sorry to hear about your teacher. If I could have prevented the sealing…”

“Which you could have, by the way.” Megumi spitted out.

“Salmon.” Inumaki’s eyes were heavy, they made Kokichi feel trapped, glued to the floor, unable to say or do something. He tried to look around, but everything he seemed to find was disgust and hatred. Oh dear lord, it was way heavier than he could have expected.

Seconds felt like hours, until someone finally broke the silence by stepping inside of the circle. It was Yuji, mostly known to Kokichi as a current Sukuna’s vessel. His face was friendly and light. He extended the hand to Muta with a soft smile on his lips.

“I am Yuji Itadori, nice to meet you!” he waited patiently for Muta to understand that the hand was meant to be shaken. “What’s your name?”

“I am Mechamaru.” He answered, suddenly feeling unsure in his words.

Yuji frowned comically. “I know. But what’s your name?”

The eyes he was looking in wasn’t feel with hate. They were hopeful.

“Kokichi Muta.”

Yuji gave him a firm handshake. “Well, you fucked up, Kokichi Muta!”

…what?

Everyone just stood there, looking at two sorcerers, and at some point he heard some giggles coming from the sides. Kokichi was so amused by the whole situation he didn’t even pay attention to them, but Itadori seemed to take this reaction personally.

“What?” he looked around at his friends’ smiling faces. “I speak facts!” it only made everyone even more entertained. There was quiet laughing coming from Kyoto students as well. Yuji rolled his eyes theatrically, turning his gaze back to Muta. “You fucked up, like, really badly, dude. Like, really. Now your full responsibility is to prove that you can fix it. Do you think you can do it?”

Muta’s answer sounded quiet and uncertain. “I will try my best to prove myself-”

“Nah, I asked if you can do it?”

They stood there, frozen in a handshake, with everyone’s eyes focused on the scene, and suddenly Kokichi felt like that was the moment he waited for. The moment to try again. To actually try again.

“Yes,” Kokichi answered louder. “Yes, I can.”

“That’s better!” Yuji let go of his hand only to wrap an arm around his neck in a friendly way. “We’re counting on you, Kokichi Muta!”

It was something close to pure magic. It may have seemed that Kokichi had already been closely connected to magic – sorcery, if it goes better this way – but this situation left him completely speechless. Somehow Itadori Yuji, Sukuna’s vessel, a guy with no technic and no practise, somehow it was him who turned Kokichi’s life from head back to its usual state with little to no effort. He was just being himself, and suddenly everyone’s eyes stopped being so hateful. Some stayed visually resentful, but nothing painful, nothing sharp and dangerous. Like acceptance from Yuji meant there was nothing to hate inside Kokichi, nothing to be aware of. Itadori was smiling wide and bright.

But why?

“Why are you doing this?” Kokichi whispered.

“Because you are our friend.” Itadori answered easily. “And I believe there is no fuck ups that cant’s be unfuckable.”

For some reason Kokichi felt like smiling, so he did so. With a smile a giggle slid out, and it turned into laugh, intense and full, shared with Yuji, smiling happily by his side. “There is no fuck ups that can’t be unfuckable?” How easy was life in this guy’s eyes? He understood now, he understood fully why everyone who had ever closely met Yuji Itadori was left charmed till the end of their life. He just had this effect on people. A healing one.

The tension was broken not with a snap, but with a shared laugher. Suddenly Yuta approached the group, almost immediately focusing his attention on Inumaki, and Miwa dragged Mai and Momo along. Aoi jumped in, greeting his “brother from another mother” with a heavy hug, Noritoshi gave a respectful nod to Megumi. Kokichi quickly was stolen by Panda, and with a blink of an eye this conversation was shared with Maki, who turned out to be way less hot-headed than her sister. With Maki came Toge, and where Toge was there unmistakably could have been found Okkotsu too. Everyone was talking, mostly about past events and upcoming fights, sharing information and expectations, discussing a few plans that was already released to public and speculating on teams that would be distributed later. Talking felt genuine and easy, only absence of the redhead girl was almost palpable -  from time to time people were stopping their conversation just to look around, searching. The moment when they remembered  was so painful to withness Muta couldn't help but take his eyes away.

Kokichi looked around and it was the first time since he got there that he found the courage to meet everyone face to face. He caught little friendly bickering here and there, noticed limbs intertwined and embraces shared, found joy in smiles shining even on the darkest faces, and suddenly everything brought him back to a late night train with his classmates shifting restlessly in their sits and with Miwa’s hand in his own. It became so apparent how young they were, how joyful their lives should have been and how desperately, fully, truly,

they all weren’t ready to die.

This thought followed him around all day. It was on his shoulder when stuff members showed up and started explaining how the next few days would be going in graphics and charts, it was in his hands with a sword he got as a weapon hours later, it was deep in his throat when Utahime started releasing teams and it turned out that there was little to no actual teams – they were just people on their own being scattered around. Kokichi tried to find the same fear on his classmates faces, but found none of it at all. They all weren’t ready to die, but somehow were so eager to do it anyway.

Momo was mostly patrolling colonies by herself and Mai was dropped off alone too. Noritoshi shared his one with Maki. Okkotsu and Muta had their own tasks to perform. Miwa, for Kokichi’s relief, was working together with Panda, and the colony they were assigned to wasn’t too far from Yuta’s. Mostly all important tasks were shared in-between Yuji, Megumi and Okkotsu, with everyone else on patrolling duty or support. Still, it was encouraged to move closer to their goal of applying new rules if safe and possible.

Later, when their last hours together were quickly coming to an end, Kokichi caught Yuta talking to Miwa in a hallway. He stopped just before turning the corner, far enough to see but not to be seen. Okkotsu was holding Miwa’s face in his hands, talking quietly.

“You have you phone on you?” she nodded. “If anything happens, and I mean anything, please let me know. We don’t know if service will be working inside of the barriers, but if it will, please.”

“I’m not alone, Yuta.” Kasumi smiled. “Nothing will happen.”

Okkotsu went silent for some time, still keeping his hands on both of her cheeks.

“You never do it.”

The smile on Miwa’s face shook a little. “What do you mean?”

“You never ask for help.” Yuta looked genuinely worried. “You get hurt again and again and again and you never ask for help.”

Kasumi shook her head, hurrying to hide her eyes away. “I don’t want to bother you guys. I am fully capable of taking care of myself.”

“People bloom the most in community, it was you who taught me this. In our first letters, in summer, do you remember?” Yuta carefully turned her head back, almost making her to look him back in the eyes. “We were never meant to deal with everything alone.”

Miwa didn’t say anything in return. Kokichi saw her eyes shine with tears, and Okkotsu shifted closer, letting Kasumi slid into a tight embrace. She was sobbing into his shoulder, hands grabbing on boy’s white shirt, and he was whispering something unaidable, caressing her hair carefully.

Kokichi knew that it wasn’t his moment to share and blamed himself for ears dropping on full extend. It wasn’t his moment to share, but somehow he found himself staring, not able to make a move. He was staring and Miwa’s cry echoed in his head like church bells on a rainy noon.

Oh, how badly they weren’t ready to die,

and how eager they were to do it.

Notes:

im gonna try to make it a fullass fix-it, so strap in and strap on, we're heading into a crazy journey!

Chapter 8

Notes:

CW: graphic violence and panic attacks, thoughts of death, suicide thoughts, depression talks.

Kokichi didn’t reach out to Miwa that night.

He knew she would be safely accompanied to the girls’ room and handled right into Momo’s arms, where she would be taken care of with Mai by her side. A hard truth he was still learning to accept: sometimes, there would be no space in Kasumi’s life for him and it was okay. Deep inside he could have felt his own thoughts trying to claw their way out, but he was way too respectful for his own good. Sometimes, there would be times where there would be no space for him in Miwa’s life. And it was okay.

And it was okay, and it was okay, and it was okay okay okay okay---

“What do you mean they got sent away?”

Yuta looked up at him from the sword he was busy polishing, eyebrows slowly raised: “They have already dropped several teams off next to the barriers. We are the last ones because they wanted to talk to us privately. Something about the rules.” He frowned ever so slightly seeing terrified expression on Muta’s face. “You didn’t know? Didn’t you talk to Miwa last night?”

Kokichi looked away, suddenly feeling too embarrassed to keep an eye contact going. “No, not… really.”

“Oh.” Yuta scanned him from head to toes with a gaze that Muta didn’t quite get. “Well, too bad. So much earsdropping and for nothing?”

“I didn’t earsdrop!” Kokichi felt his face flush red.

“Aha, bloody stalker.”

“I was just in the same hallway!”

Yuta got up, putting his sword back into place. “Yeah, whatever.”

Kokichi couldn’t move for a good second. He needed to keep himself on one place, so he wouldn’t follow his first impulsive thought and wouldn’t leave a good bruise on Okkotsu’s face. This guy was acting so entitled, so full of himself it was impossible to be in the same room with him without wanting to break something or someone badly. And nobody else had a problem with it? In what kind of world did Mai see him as “insecure”? Dear god, if he wasn’t Miwa’s close friend…

Mention of Kasumi had calmed his temper down significantly. Suddenly, anger stepped out to make some space for all the different kinds of worries and anxieties one could have ever experienced. They got sent out already, but how? It must had been a decision made in a hurry, because there was no way… Kokichi pinched his own cheek hardly. There was no way she wouldn’t come to see him? And who was an entitled bastard now? Yuta? At least Okkotsu had the guts to actually talk about his feelings and not bottle them up inside till they explode. Good. Great. Fucking perfect.

Miwa was on his mind during an exhaustingly long and detailed discussion with head-ups and several other students – basically, only Yuta, Megumi and Yuji – and she didn’t go anywhere when they approached the barrier together hours later. There was a vivid memory of Kasumi’s shoulders shaking hysterically under Okkotsu’s hands when he was accepting the rules, there was her face stained with tears when he crossed the line.

And there was nothing but Miwa on Kokichi’s mind when he found himself hundreds meters up in the air.

In a colony that he wasn’t supposed to be in.

Alone.

Oh shit.

(was the teleportation random?)

He used metal coating on one of his hands to grab the edge of the window on one of the buildings. It helped, even though he slid down a good ten meters trying to stabilise himself. Being in a functional physical body while using his cursed technic was a weird, but satisfying feeling. Kokichi knew he was able to materialise his dolls as long as he had enough of cursed energy, but the newest invention that came together with his new abilities was part transformation. Basically, he was protecting certain parts of his body, covering them in mechanic coating, almost like some type of an armour. Both of the skills were pretty useful but still heavily lacked practise. He wasn’t worrying. He knew he would manage.

It was easy to pull himself up into the window, right into someone’s empty apartment, floors covered in shattered glass and broken furniture. Kokichi found out extremely quickly that he couldn’t keep himself standing straight. He grabbed an edge of the window, cutting his hand deeply on remains of the glass.

He was alone. In the air. In a random colony. It meant…

Oh dear fucking lord.

It meant that Miwa was alone in a random colony. Far away from everyone. Far away from Panda and Yuta. Far away from him.

There was blood staining his shirt, but Muta couldn’t care less. He took several steps just to collapse on the dust covered sofa. It was bad, it was bad bad bad bad bad, it was fucking terrible. Suddenly he couldn’t breathe. He tried to make himself inhale at least some air, but it seemed like his lungs collapsed together with his shattered heart. There was nothing on his mind except for Miwa, sitting down next to him on a train,

and telling,

that she,

actually,

truly,

wasn’t ready to die.

***

“Ugh, that was rough!” Miwa got back up on her feet without any help, so it was already a win. She flew good ten floors till she could manage to stop herself using her katana and a side of the building. Good thing she had enough time to coat her weapon in her own cursed energy, so it suffered little to no damage from such a bold move. “Are you okay, Panda?”

Kasumi looked around the roof that she chose for a safe control landing. There wasn’t any sign of neither Panda nor anyone else. She calmed herself down, saying that probably their methods of fighting an unexpected flight were different, therefore the landing places should have been quite different too. Miwa stepped closed to the edge carefully and took a good look at the city. There, on the palm of her hand, were crushed streets, empty stores, broken streetlights… They looked abandoned, they looked scary, they looked dark, but most importantly they

looked nothing like the colony she should have landed in.

The speed with which she recoiled back to the middle of the roof could have been considered funny if the circumstances were different. It was so fast that she tripped, falling back down hardly. There would be bruises on her arms after this, Kasumi thought to herself. Kokichi would be horrified to see her hurt, he would be so worried. She looked at the palms of her hands. They were covered in little scratches and it made them look way redder than usual. Miwa rubbed them against the insides of her jacket. She did it again, and again, and again, but the scratches never went anyway – only started bleeding slightly. Oh, she thought, how funny.

The danger was as real as the pain.

Kasumi felt like crying, so she laughed. She laughed and it sounded loud and clear. She was alone, but, well, it seemed like something that had to be dealt with, didn’t it? Kasumi Miwa wasn’t ready to die and she didn’t want to, but she would laugh in the middle of the Culling Game like a madgirl with her hands pressed to her eyes, and would cross the road on a busy street without looking both ways. She didn’t lie then, on the train – she didn’t want to die, therefore she wouldn’t seek death. But death seeking her was a completely different story.

Oh, was she completely mad thinking this way? Well, she must have been. They all were in the end. Normal people didn’t stick around there for too long, you just had to be fucked up a good amount to find out about all the risks and terrors of jujutsu and go forward anyway. Miwa was laughing hard and there was nothing in the world that could have made her stop.

Hours later, walking dead streets, she didn’t laugh anymore. It turned out to be quite easy, to do all of this duty-thing. The hardest part was going down the stairs from the roof – it seemed like the real journey would have started as soon as she stepped off the last step and there would have been nothing more that she could have done to stop the Culling Game from happening. She didn’t have anything to do about it to begin with, so…

It all was going well, until Kasumi saw a shadow move slightly. There was a person inside one of the stores. They were going around in a silly unbothered way, looking though different foods like it was a usual day in Tokyo. Kasumi reached for her sword as she slipped behind one of the closest cars. Her task was to save people, but she needed to figure out if that person was a sorcerer or not in the first place. There was no light inside of the store, so Miwa could have distinguished only the movements, nothing else. The mannerism seemed familiar somehow, like she had already seen this person, but she couldn’t quite comprehend how and when. When they turned away she hurried over to another car, trying to get closer. They were meters in-between them right now, and somehow it made this weird person seem even more familiar. The way they were known to her wasn’t a nice friendly one, no – it was a way that made her hands shake unvoluntary and heart racing from fear.

Her task was to save people. She needed to know if it was an innocent person. She moved further, trying to see the face, when she heard a quiet laugh.

“Jeez, can’t take a hint, can ya?”

A person shifted in a way that just couldn’t be human and it instantly made Miwa nauseous. They took a step forward to a glass storefront, cracked their knuckles. And broke the whole glass in one move. There was blood going down their hand and the glass shreds sticking out of the damaged skin.

“What a mess.” The person laughed, looked at the biggest glass piece sticking out of his palm.

And pushed it right through the whole hand.

Now, when the light started hitting them, Miwa could have finally told who they were. She felt her knees weakened. Katana felt unsteady in her arms. She tried to move, but was stuck in place under heavy gaze of the monster that was crawling out of the store. She knew this face. She knew these movements. She knew the name.

“Aren’t you the little bird who’s boyfriend I cut into pieces earlier?” he smiled. “Well, it won’t be a lot of work.”

In the middle of the street Miwa was met with nobody else, but her greatest nightmare. Mahito looked back at her, visibly dissatisfied with reaction.

“Not even a smile, hah?”

Since Mechamaru’s message got into her arms in that night train, Kasumi had the same reoccurring nightmare: she met Mahito eye to eye and couldn’t kill him. She met the person who murdered one of her friends, and she wasn’t strong enough not to run. In most of these dreams she died in the end, red blood staining her clothes, and each time it happened there was nothing but Kokichi on her mind as she was falling to the ground senseless.

“It’s you.” Miwa said.

“Oh, finally!” he screamed out. “I almost thought I would have to introduce myself all over again.”

He was cutting his hand with a glass piece. His whole skin was covered in deep cuts, but he never looked satisfied enough with them, so he just cut again, and again, and again, till the blood became darkening, covering the road next to him. Miwa felt sick to the bones. She wanted to run, but couldn’t move.

She couldn’t do it.

But how could she run?

For some reason, it felt easier than she though it would be. The grip on katana tightened. Oh shit.

She was about to cross the road without looking both ways.

Miwa took a step forward and Mahito smiled, pushing a shred of glass deep inside of his skin. “Good job, little bird. Let’s see what you have in store.”

Kasumi was faster than her own thoughts. It was a blink of an eye – and she found herself in a combat with one of the strongest curses she had ever encountered. Mahito was fast and visibly enjoyed dodging her attacks. Cut, slash, slash, another cut… It became obvious really quick that it was impossible to get the curse by simply using blunt force. There must have been something else, something smart…

Miwa rushed into the store, getting lost in different isles and shelves.

“Jeez, I’m not playing games here!” Mahito stepped inside lazily. “You cursed energy is so thick I can see you even in the dark. What games are you playing, little bird?”

There was a sound of swinging door opening and he looked its way instinctively. It was a perfect moment for Kasumi to unleash her katana again, and use her fast sword drawing technic. It coated her blade in cursed energy, and it was spinning around with speed she had never seen it spin.

“Don’t fucking call me that, you stitchful freak.”

One hit against another glass storefront was enough to shatter it whole. Circling cursed energy caught glass sheds fast, and with another movement Kasumi sent a whole glass hurricane towards Mahito. He didn’t think it would have happened, he actually didn’t think anything but simple attack dodging would have happened, so his guard was down from the beginning. Curse covered his eyes and felt his body being stacked with pieces of blood-covered glass, knocking him back into shelves. The attack was so successful Miwa even stepped back a little, being surprised herself.

Mahito laughed.

He got up, and there was blood leaking from fresh cuts on his face. He didn’t look so apathetic anymore – there was a fire inside of his eyes that made Kasumi tremble. Oh dear god, he was getting serious there.

“How about a stupid bitch then, hah?”

It wasn’t easy to face his attacks, but Miwa tried her best. It was obvious that her best wasn’t enough at all, but she tried nonetheless. She failed, and failed, and failed, but tried nonetheless. Another attack, another cut, another hit… Mahito caught her hand and slammed her body against the car with enough force to shatter her bones. Kasumi heard annoying ringing in her ears and suddenly felt so nauseous she couldn’t see straight.

“Got your little toy.” Curse snatched katana from her hand with such an ease it was concerning. Miwa took a glimpse at her wrist and by one look understood that there was no way bones were supposed to look like this under her skin. “Not so brave now, are you?” he grinned.

Miwa looked back at him and spitted right into his face.

“Fucking brat!” Mahito laughed. “If you like to use your mouth so much, how about we make it pretty at least?”

Kasumi saw him pulling out a piece of glass right from his eyebrow and suddenly felt like throwing up. She knew where it was going. She tried to pull her hand away and Mahito slammed her head on the car once again. Pain was terrifying, but constant ringing in her ears annoyed Kasumi way more. She couldn’t even die in a comfort silence, could she?

Mahito pressed the glass shred deep into her skin and Miwa felt blood going down her cheek. He giggled at her expression and moved his hand roughly, dragging a blood line down to her chin. The cut was deep enough to leave a scar and tears pinched it painfully. She didn’t realise she was crying until she felt how badly it stung.

He was laughing and laughing and laughing and Miwa couldn’t help but sob. It was an ugly way to die. They would find her body mutilated by the same hands that ended Mechamaru’s life and it would break them apart. They would bury her in a closed casket with a lot of flowers, Momo knew she liked white ones, so she hopefully would put her hand to it. Mai would have gotten her one and favourite dress back finally, not like Kasumi would have used it anymore anyway. She hoped there would be no black dresscode on her funeral so they wouldn’t look even more shattered than they actually would have been. She hoped Kokichi would have someone to hold his hand during it. Someone nice.

“Mahito.” She heard a voice calling out, muffled by ringing in her ears and laugh in front of her face. The voice said something else, but the words got blurred and funny, like some unreal language. Mahito spitted something back eagerly, but was cut off in the middle of the sentence. “I said it’s enough.”

“Tch!” he rolled his eyes. “No fucking fun in this house.”

And with that, he slammed her head on the car once again.

And the ringing finally stopped.

Chapter 9

Notes:

It came out unexpectedly long, but there was no way of cutting it in half so I decided to let it be. Hope you enjoy this chapter and the chaos inside:)

CW: some death thoughts and mentions of suicidal tendencies

The first thing she remembered was pain – throbbing and nauseating. The type of pain that doesn’t make you scream, but puts you down, head in hands, trying to block the waves of a pulsing sensation, to make them remain within the borders of a braincase. Pain that feels like a heartbeat, steady and sure – with each hit more and more overwhelming. Miwa opened her eyes and met with grey gaze within an arm distance from her face.

She swung without thinking.

“Shit!” Mahito backed up, holding a hand up to his face. She got his eyes with her nails, she felt a disgusting feeling of this touch echo inside. “Don’t like a peaceful play?”

Kasumi tried to get herself up, but the pain that ringed in her head with this attempt put her back down immediately. Miwa touched her forehead lightly – fingers came out covered in a mix of dirt and dark blood. She turned around and vomited loudly.

“Jeez, I didn’t even slammed you that hard, birdie.”

“Shut up.”

“What a sharp-tongued bitch.”

Miwa wiped her mouth with a sleeve. Now, if she concentrated her eyes hard enough, she could have distinguished the building that they were in. It was one of the apartments somewhere on the higher floor: some furniture were covered in glass and dust, but mainly the space still remained pretty decent. Someone had placed her on a sofa, half of which was now covered in her vomit. Kasumi turned away, cause just looking at the scene was making her sick again and her body couldn’t afford another malfunction so soon.

Mahito propped himself back to the wall on a fluffy carpet that once was white, but now was covered in dust and dirt. He still had glass cuts on his hands and face, but they weren’t bleeding anymore. Probably he was instructed to be her guard dog in case she decided to jump off something-something floor. It was smart of them, Miwa thought to herself, she would definitely jump off the closest window if she was alone in the room. Not in a suicidal way, more in “running across the busy road without looking to catch your last bus” type of way. Which was, probably, the exact same thing, but Kasumi had neither energy nor desire to get into this right now.

She tried to sit herself straight up again and yet again her body failed her. Her wrist hurt so badly she felt tears stinging in her eyes. It occurred to Kasumi that it was probably broken when the memory of Mahito stealing her weapon flashed back up in her brain. What a mess, what a mess, what a mess…

“Nothing deadly, little bird, stop moping around.” He rolled his eyes, sliding down on the carpet. It was pathetic how not-preoccupied Mahito was with her. The curse knew he was stronger in ways and amounts that couldn’t had even been described with words, so he just enjoyed his time alone, relaxed and unbothered. Suddenly Miwa felt like spitting in his face once again.

Why was she even alive? Mahito was quite focused on smashing her head against the car, he could have killed her with such an ease in would had probably be considered a funny little game for him. Why didn’t he? Her head felt wonky, every move made her even more dizzy than she was before. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t had concentrated hard enough to use her cursed technic or anything useful on a battlefield at all. Kasumi was trapped inside of the room with one of the deadliest curses she had ever encountered and she couldn’t even got up by herself. What a fucking mess.

Suddenly, there was a foreign voice coming from another room. Miwa tried to move her head in the direction of the noise, but a wave of bile crawling up her throat reminded her that any attempts like that were rather reckless. Her hands grabbed the side of the couch so hard her nails gigged into the lining.

“Didn’t I tell you to report to me as soon as our guest wakes up?”

Mahito waved his hand in the air, still unbothered. “She woke up.”

“Mahito.”

“I said it’s enough.”

“Sorry-y-y, I felt asleep.” There were obviously no fucks to give in curse’s system. He was laying down peacefully, enjoying the view of his wounded hands in the air.

“You don’t sleep.” Miwa noticed.

“Tch.” He rolled his eyes. “Pairing up with an enemy now, little bird? Didn’t know ya were a traitor type.”

Pairing up with an enemy? What did he meant by it?

Kasumi wanted to attempt another move to find a source of the voice, but it found her first. Their steps were so light and silent she didn’t even noticed when a figure appeared right next to her shoulder. She wanted to flinch, but she couldn’t. Instead, Miwa slowly crawled with her gaze up the dark Japanese garments, deadly white skin, a recognisable scar on the forehead… If she could have screamed she would have. If she could have jumped away she would have. If she could have done at least something, she definitely, definitely would have. But she couldn’t. So she sat down, clawing the side of the couch, and stared silently into dead eyes of Suguru Geto.

He looked back with ease. “I can see that she woke up myself. You can be dismissed for now.”

Mahito rolled onto his side, gathering all the dust from the carpet onto his clothes. “Hallelujah!” he jumped back on his feet quickly, and his body moved in a way that way so painfully unhuman it made Miwa scold herself for not realising she was facing the curse when she met him in the store. Mahito went to a broken window and sat down on its sill facing the room.

“Mahito.” Kenjaku spoke again.

“Me.”

“Don’t make a mess.”

Instead of answering, Mahito grinned with a dangerous wide smile and swung himself off the window.

Miwa felt a shiver go down her spine. She couldn’t quite grasp the reason behind of it: was it a human-looking curse falling down from god knows what floor or was it the fact that she was left alone with their main enemy himself? Either way this feeling somehow made her understand the danger of situation she got herself into. Slowly, without causing any suspicious, Miwa tried to slide further away from Kenjaku. He noticed it right away.

“Don’t be afraid, little one.” He smiled and this smile made Kasumi froze in place. “I won’t kill you today.”

He reached his hand and touched her forehead lightly. Her limbs filled with weird tingling sensation, and suddenly the room wasn’t blurry anymore and moving her head stopped causing violent motion sickness. There was no pain, only dislocated bones in her wrist served as a distant reminder that it was once there.

“Unfortunately, I don’t bear the tools to fix your hand, but I guessed that you could use some good old pain relief.” Kenjaku folded his arms back into long sleeves of his clothes and started walking away slowly. “Would you mind joining me in the kitchen? There is a freshly brewed tea that I would like to share with you.”

Miwa knew she couldn’t say no. She threw a quick glance at the window where Mahito had disappeared moments ago.

“I wouldn’t recommend it. You can’t use cursed energy now, it would be a pure act of self-harm and nothing else. We don’t want you to get even more hurt that you already are, do we?”

“Why am I here?” Kasumi asked.

Kenjaku smiled back at her. “Would you prefer no sugar or do you enjoy sweets?”

It was weird to move without pain when she knew that it surely had to be there. Miwa caught a glimpse of her reflection in a broken mirrored cabinet – dear god, she looked like she actually died back there. Split brow with dried blood covering half of her face, knotted hair coloured red from head injury, a long cut coming from her eye down to her chin… Well, if she actually survived this day, she would had to deal with a lot of post-fight scarring! Kasumi tried to straighten her wrinkled clothes, but they were way too over the edge: with all these cuts, bloodstains, dirt and vomit stains she didn’t look quite like a princess. At least it didn’t hurt anymore, she thought to herself, at least she could have looked her death in the eyes without throwing up one more time.

Kitchen was small, but nicely furnished. Somehow it survived the disaster that loomed over the city, even the panoramic windows covering half of the wall were okay. Inside of these walls it seemed like there was nothing wrong with the world, and they weren’t a sorcerer and their biggest fear sitting down at the dining table, no – they were a parent and a child, a teacher and their student, a pair of weird acquaintances. They could have met in a library sharing the love for the same author, they could have been parts of the same university on different levels, they could have been normal. But they weren’t.

There was nothing normal about what was happening, so Kasumi had to sit down at the table placed dangerously close to the panoramic window and fight the urge to throw herself out of it right to the parking down the road. Kenjaku obviously didn’t share the same pressure as his guest, he was pouring hot tea from the flowery kettle into the same flowery patterned cups and there was nothing more terrifying in the world than the soft smile that was placed on his face.

“If you want any sugar, perhaps the owners should have some in the cupboards.”

Miwa looked down on her cup with no intention to drink liquid that was inside. “No, thank you.”

Kenjaku shrugged and took a sip from his cup. The city outside of the window was so empty it filled Kasumi’s stomach full with deep uncontrolled anxiety. It should have been early morning by the way the sky was coloured with light orange tones. If circumstances would have been different, Miwa would have found the way first lights of the sun were licking edges of skyscrapers breathtaking.

“Why did you let me live?” she asked.

The curse user looked her straight in her eyes and it took Kasumi all her strength to keep eye contact going. “I have neither interest nor use in killing you, little one. What’s your name?”

“Miwa Kasumi.”

“I think you put your life on the line way too easy for your age, Kasumi.”

It was really hard to look people in their eyes when they were talking about these things, so Miwa didn’t. She looked outside of the window again. It would have been such a beautiful morning to die.

“I need to take a close look at your friend.” Kenjaku answered, breaking the silence unexpectedly. “I want to see if the sorcerers are still good at sewing broken goods together. This technic, it comes from a dark place. Do you think they were aware of it when they put his head back? Must be quite a gem if they willing to break so many rules at the same time.”

Her spine straightened immediately. “No…”

“The doll boy, yes.”

Miwa couldn’t help but notice how hard her fingers were gripping the cup. No. Not Kokichi. Not again.

“If you… If you hurt him, I’m… I’m going to kill you.”

Kenjaku laughed in return. “I would love to see you do it someday.”

Somehow it didn’t feel like a mockery, more of an actual valid expectation. Miwa looked back suspiciously, hands still on the cup but the drink untouched. The curse didn’t elaborate, instead he looked outside of the window. There was an unbreakable silence at the table and despite having quite a few questions Kasumi didn’t feel the right to break it just yet. It was an announcement that shattered the tension.

“New rule added: players can enter and exit across all colony borders.”

“The speed of these children is indeed very impressive.” Kenjaku smiled. “You missed another one, it came during the night. Now you can share points with other people.”

It was quite a weird rule to add. They didn’t need it, it wasn’t included in the original plan. Maybe the things changed while she was unconscious? What else did she miss? Was everyone okay? If she still had her phone with her, she would have used it, but a quick inspection let her know that the pockets were absolutely empty. It must had been lost somewhere in between meeting Mahito and getting her head slammed on a car a good dozen of times. What a shame.

If Miwa was completely honest, she had already forgotten about the plan, was too busy fighting for her dear life and crossing the roads without looking. Despite its questionable nature, the announcement put her on ease – it meant that they were okay, that they were succeeding, although in ways that weren’t quite transparent for Kasumi. It was like a huge weight was taken away from her lungs. Miwa took a deep breath and it felt like the first one in a while. With fresh air entering her system came tears gathering in the inner corners of her eyes. They were okay, thanks gods they were okay. Was she putting them under a hit again? They would have to come to take her back, she knew they would do it, moreover she knew that they probably were already on the way. The realisation hit harder than it was expected, and Kasumi turned away to the window again. What if by being caught she would lose them again?

What if she lose him again?

Kenjaku slid a stand with napkins closer to Miwa slowly. “Tears are a good thing. They mean you humans care a lot.”

Miwa took one of proposed napkins and turned away, ashamed, to wipe her tears off. It was stupid, stupid, stupid, she was stupid, she was stupid and weak and useless and…

“Do you parents know where you are?”

“They are not a part of this thing.” She answered roughly. “Don’t touch them. They are not like… me.”

Kenjaku rolled his eyes. “What do you think I am? I’m not interested in human’s mundane drama.”

Kasumi couldn’t help but catch her brain short-circulating every once in a while. She was sharing a table with their main enemy, sobbing uncontrollably while he was asking her usual conversational questions. If it was death, she prayed for it to be over soon. There was a very little amount of her patience left and the last thing she wanted to do was to snap at the timer bomb sitting right in front of her, pouring more tea into his cup. For fucks sake.

“Why do you talk to me?” Miwa started to crumble a tissue in her hands. “I can just come back into the room and wait there. You know I won’t be able to escape anyhow.”

“Yes, I am perfectly aware of your situation, Kasumi.” Curse looked up at her. “I value a good company. As you could have guessed, there is not a lot of people to share my mornings with.”

“Don’t you have a full team to help you with your plans?”

“It’s pure work.” He shrugged. “I may be considered crazy by your people, but I am definitely not crazy enough to share a cup of tea with Mahito.”

Somehow the thought of it made Miwa smile. She didn’t notice it at first, just felt the corners of her mouth raising up in a tiny unsure curve. Was it inappropriate to be all grins in a hell like that? It perfectly could be, but Kasumi was too tired to worry about such a small inconvenience. She was ready to die today and she was still alive, hands full with warm teacup and eyes focused on a sun beaming from behind the buildings.

“Why are you doing this?”

Kenjaku didn’t say anything in return, so Miwa took silence as an answer. She directed her gaze at the city streets, getting lost in her own thoughts again.

Her parents actually had no idea where she was. They shared a dry call in the beginning of chaos in Tokio, only for Kasumi to lie with the straightest voice possible that she was far away from any danger, on a fieldtrip with classmates. Nobody asked any questions. Nobody knew that the school wasn’t a usual one and that she ended up licking her wounds in a random motel with Maki stitching a deer cut in her leg with the means at hand. The only person who knew about jujutsu was Miwa’s grandmother who, in fact, got her into the school after her grandchild came out about seeing curses even in a light of the day. It might have sounded easy, but there was a whole lot of fights before the decision was made.

They were the same, her and her grandma, but somehow couldn’t had had less in common: Miwa wanted to fight, she wanted to use the powers she had to help people, she wanted to be surrounded by sorcerers like her, by teachers, long hunting quests and nights in the hospital wing. Her grandmother, on the other hand, had no desire to be involved with jujutsu world. She was granted with an ability to see curses, but had enough of cursed energy for them to mainly not bother her, and she lived all her life like that, not regretting a single decision she made. It was funny, Miwa thought to herself.

Probably she was her grandmother’s first and biggest regret.

“You shouldn’t think of yourself this way.” Kenjaku said. “It’s ill.”

Kasumi shook her shoulders, trying to get his sticky gaze off of herself. “I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to.”

What is she was ill? Miwa knew that pursuing her goals as a sorcerer would eventually end up in her leaving her family behind, but she had never thought that it would have happened so fast. She didn’t talk to her mother in months, her father’s postcards were stuffed in depths of her table as soon as they arrived cause Kasumi couldn’t bear the pain that came with reading them. She visited her grandmother once. They sat down in a small kitchen and Kasumi told her about her friends, about the school, about her new katana that Utahime got her – about everything and nothing at all. An old woman didn’t say a word in hours, until it was time for Miwa to go.

“You chose a path for yourself.” She said at the door. “The only thing you can’t afford following it is regret.”

If Miwa thought about it long enough, she got reminded that, actually, she never asked why her grandmother never told anyone about curses. It must had been hard, to go on with your life knowing what was surrounding you and having no tools to deal with it. It must had been hard to go through it alone.

“We were never meant to deal with everything alone.”

“You know,” Kenjaku started, “you probably would have been perfectly able to kill me if you tried hard enough.”

Kasumi snapped out of her spiraling thoughts so fast she almost forgot what was on her mind. “What?”

“It’s your cursed energy.” He said. “It has a thick flow.”

It made no sense in her head. She had never heard about it before, and she was taught by the best teachers of the whole Japan.

“It’s a thing curses and curse users can feel. Some sorcerers of yours too, but for them it is rather a rare occurrence. Usually, if not channeled into a weapon or a blow, a curse energy represents itself as a thread – slim and fast. It’s unpredictable and quite hard for noticing, gives you a raging headache if you try to focus on in long enough.” Kenjaku rubbed a scar on Geto’s forehead like it actually hurt. “With your style, you don’t channel your cursed energy inside of the weapon, you use it rather as…”

“As a supporting power.”

The corners of his mouth flinched in almost unnoticeable smile. “As a supporting power, yes. It follows your moves and helps you manipulate your surroundings. It’s quite powerful cursed technic if practised right.”

“I still don’t understand.” Miwa confessed.

“You are being trained by fooled people who couldn’t have less understanding of training someone with your type of cursed energy. You would be better off with curse users, someone who is not afraid to break the rules of jujutsu to unleash their whole potential.”

The whole idea was repulsive to Miwa. Being compared to curse users didn’t make her feel any better, if only worse – despite noting them as powerful enemies her mind still put them into some abstract evil category, and she didn’t enjoy being compared to something that she considered wrong. Changes of her mood must had been written all over her face, because Kenjaku laughed and his laugh sounded genuine.

“Don’t frown like that, little one. I don’t say you should join my plan, no – I find way more joy of seeing you on the opposite side of the battlefield. ” He put his cup away. “If they keep training you in ways that are not helpful for your type of cursed energy you will eventually fail.”

Miwa knew that he was waiting for her to ask a question. It was in the air between them, propped right in the center of the table, waiting to be released and being postponed with every second. Previously Kasumi thought that the last thing she wanted to do was cooperating with an enemy. It turned out fast enough that it wasn’t actually the last thing she wanted to do. There was something else.

She couldn’t afford any regrets following this path, even if it meant doing a step forward to something as dark and ancient as Kenjaku himself. She made a deep inhale.

“What do you mean by me cursed energy being different?”

Kenjaku’s face bloomed in a satisfied smile. “It’s thick. Like a wool string or a strip of fabric. Rather than channeling it inside you should focus on manipulating it’s movement outside of any item including your body.” He moved his hand in the air, slowly tracing a circle with his index finger. “If you understand how to do it, you will be able to work together with your cursed energy instead of facing it as your own enemy. Now its flow is obvious for every curse user – it is way thicker than a thread of anyone else’s energy and it goes a little further before your movements. This way, it is easy to notice and incredibly easy to track. It is fine if your goal is fighting against lower rang curses all your life cause they don’t really distinguish this kind of details, but, if you ask me, it would be a waste if you decided to stop here.”

Suddenly Miwa remembered the evening before the disaster, how she noticed Mahito in a store, how she came closer… He said something similar about her cursed energy. It must had been something about her being too easy to spot because her cursed energy was… thick? Yes, he definitely said something like that then, he definitely did! Did it mean that Kenjaku wasn’t lying now? Did it mean he was telling the truth?

Kasumi felt ashamed, she felt ashamed, guilty and embarrassed. The guilt was sticky and nasty to touch, but it was there right next to its source – the fact that Kenjaku’s words made her feel hopeful, hopeful in a way she hadn’t felt since she started practicing jujutsu. She wasn’t weak? She wasn’t useless? She didn’t have to settle for the third grade rank? She could have been helpful?

“You need a teacher who knows how to break the rules, but I am afraid I posses the body of the last sorcerer who could had offered you a hand in this.” Kenjaku sighed. “That’s why your lot should stop being so serious. Must be good to feel some fun going on once in a while, mustn’t it?”

There was a loud sound somewhere outside, like something heavy got dropped several floors up. Miwa flinched, closing her eyes and gripping the teacup instinctively. Kenjaku didn’t feel bothered at all. Still with the same slow and measured pace he took another sip of tea and placed the cup back on the tray. “I guess we have visitors.”

Only seconds after there was another blow that took the panoramic windows of the kitchen out.

Kasumi didn’t move. She prepared for another round of serious cuts and bruises, but there was nothing following the sound. When she opened her eyes, she saw Kenjaku lazily holding a hand up. There was glass everywhere, it shattered so far that was still visible even in another room, covering the couch. There was glass everywhere, but not on the table. Somehow it avoided it and two people gathered around – must had been some dark cursed energy manipulation.

Kenjaku winced. “Tell your friend he should be more careful with his epic appearances. You could have got hurt.” He waited a second before putting his hand back into long sleeves of his clothes. “Or your friends?”

There was no rush in his movements. He got up, glass crunching under his feet, and walked closer to an open wall that minutes ago was a beautiful panoramic window. “It was a pleasure to share a sunrise with you, Kasumi Miwa. Unfortunately, I have to leave you all by yourself here. I didn’t expect the crowd, so I would prefer to make my observations from a safe distance.”

He bowed his head lightly and Miwa unexpectedly found herself doing the same in return.

“Also,” he smiled, placing a finger to his lips. “I lied. There might be someone who could offer you help with taming your type of cursed energy. If you ever get in contact with Satoru Gojo again, I believe he would be more than glad to accept you as his student. He wouldn’t miss on an opportunity to fix his own mistakes. After all, he is the reason I have the body I have right now. He wouldn’t let it happen again.”

"Again?" 

"Tell him to look at you with his six eyes." he smiled. "Maybe then he'll see your similarities with the body I own." 

With another blow the window in the living room disappeared, being quite literally ripped out by strong hands of an entity. Miwa couldn’t breathe. She would have recognised Rika anywhere.

“Little one?” Kenjaku called out.

“Yes?”

“Next time you see me, make sure you kill me for sure." he smiled and turned away. There was a moment of silence before he started talking again. "Call your grandmother. She will die before Christmas.”

With that, the curse that was keeping her hostage disappeared. Rika crawled inside on the room followed by Yuta. There was one of Kokichi’s dolls next to them, and there was another one getting inside of the kitchen, trying to follow Kenjaku’s tracks, but failing. All this chaos was so loud it made her head hurt again.

Miwa looked at the teacup that she was holding on for dear life. Without a thought, she brought it up to her lips and took a sip. Kasumi couldn’t help but let out a quiet laugh.

Kenjaku had a great taste in green tea.

Notes:

so yeah i'm prepping the ground for Miwa's growth, bringing in some backstory and making Kenjaku a nice father figure material (his "thank you fro being friends with my son" from the beginning of culling game lives in my head RENT FREE). enjoy enjoy enjoy!!!

Chapter 10

“What do you mean her phone is not working anymore?”

Kokichi felt his hands shake and clenching them into fists didn’t help anymore. They connected to everyone, they covered every possible colony, they asked around civilians who were evacuated or escorted in safe spaces… They did everything humanly possible to distinguish even a single trace of Miwa, but there was absolutely nothing left. It looked like she disappeared right from the start, leaving behind an empty place in their plan and a growing sensation of wild anxiety in Muta’s chest. There was nothing that could had been done. Kasumi Miwa disappeared from the Culling Game without a trace and there was nothing that could had been done about it.

“I think you heard me just fine.” Yuta on the other side of the phone seemed just as stressed as Kokichi, if not more. “She’s either in a place that cuts the service off or someone got her phone. That’s all.”

No. It wasn’t all, it couldn’t have been all, there must have been something else! It’s Miwa, it’s Miwa, it’s their Miwa, it’s his Miwa… There should had been something, anything, the smallest trace of her existence. She wasn’t dead, her name was still in the list of participants, but somehow it didn’t make Kokichi feel any less scared. If she was alive, it meant she could had been kept captive, she could had been tortured, she could had been… No. No-no-no-no. His lungs stopped working right, the air stuck dead inside and suddenly he couldn’t see straight. Muta took a step, a step, another one and another one, until he reached the wall. It felt cold against his fingertips and that sensation wasn’t pleasant – it reminded him once again that it wasn’t just a bad dream. It was real.

Miwa was really missing in the middle of the Culling Game and he had no idea how to help her.

Yuta was talking on the phone, but Muta couldn’t figure out the words anymore. He pressed his spine against the wall and slid down slowly, dropping his hands on his knees. Nightmare, it must had been a nightmare, it just must had been one! He tried to convince himself again and again and again, but the early morning cold getting under his skin was more than real, and the way his lungs hurt was real, and Okkotsu’s screaming voice on the other side was more than real. He couldn’t give up just yet, could he?

“New rule added: players can enter and exit across all colony borders.”

“Mechamaru.”

“Yes?”

“Meet me there in five.”

***

Miwa’s phone was found in the south part of the colony. It was nailed into the wall of the destroyed store with enough force to break it in half. No wonder it wasn’t working. There was some obvious energy traces left, which led them to realisation, that it was probably a trap. The realisation didn’t stop them even for a second, so they raced their own heartbeats running down the streets of Tokyo with the same thoughts in such different minds.

Please be alive.

There was a shadow sliding from the windowsill, a person in dark clothes. Kokichi saw him smile for a second before dropping ten floors down in mere seconds. He would had been on time, either him or one of his dolls – they could had gotten him for sure. But they didn’t. Was it the smile that made him so unsure of moving, were it the clothes? Muta felt like he was alone in the forest again, hands stained with blood, he felt his insides ache with only the blink of these memories. They seemed so distant and blurry he almost forgot he had ever died. It was hard to move. Was it the clothes? Was it the smile? Was it…

“Mechamaru.” Yuta pushed his shoulder heavily. “Check the floor, there still may be someone in the building. Rika’s already inside. The apartment is clear.”

Oh.

Oh.

He wasn’t alone. This time, he actually wasn’t alone. There was Okkotsu and his familiar by his side, there was Miwa somewhere on this floor, there were people waiting for all of them to return safe and sound, there were people who relied on them in succeeding. This time, he wasn’t alone. This time, there were people.

And only the thought of it made his heart start again.

The floor was dead empty. He was already aware of Kenjaku himself not being present, and if there was someone else, they must had left way before. It seemed weird. It made Kokichi anxious. Miwa was still in the list of participants, so she wasn’t dead, but what was the reason of leaving her all alone here, fully knowing that the help was on the way? What was the reason, if not destroying rescuers? What was the reason, if not gaining points?

One if his dolls was already inside of apartment. It tried to follow Kenjaku’s steps, but he seemed to disappear before hitting the ground. Kokichi tried his best to care, he tried his best to come up with some ideas about curse’s whereabouts, he tried and tried and tried. Then he pushed the door.

And the only thing he was able to see was Miwa.

Miwa with a teacup in her shaking hands, Miwa with deep cuts on her hands, Miwa with blood on her face, blood in her hair, blood on her clothes…

“Pulse is stable.” Yuta was kneeling next to Kasumi with her hands in his. He unbuttoned cufflinks and swiped his thumb lightly from Miwa’s wrist up to her inner arm. “Dislocated, probably broken. Cursed energy present, messed up, but also quite stable. Does something hurt? Did you hit your head? Did he do something to you?”

Miwa reached out and brushed fingers of her healthy hand through his hair. “You look tired, Yuta. You shouldn’t have hurried that much.”

Kokichi must had lost his mind right after these words, because he walked right into the doorframe, hitting his shoulder hard enough to send pain down his whole body. Miwa noticed him now. She looked up and it took a second for their eyes to connect, and exactly two seconds for her to embarrassingly try to rearrange her matted hair.

“Miwa,” he asked, voice raspy and quiet. “Did he do something to you?”

Kasumi shook her head. “No. It was Mahito. I got into a fight with him, it didn’t end quite well. Kenjaku… he made me some tea.”

Yuta was still holding her hand in his. “What do you mean he made you some tea?”

“I mean he made me some tea.” Miwa nodded to a kettle and two cups standing on the table. “He said he never has a good company, that’s why he didn’t hurt me. He did something,” she gestured on her head, “for me to stop aching. Now nothing hurts anymore. Only my wrist if I move it.”

“Don’t. I’ll take you to Shoko-san, she’ll patch you up real quick.” Okkotsu was rubbing circles on her forearm, avoiding areas scratched with glass. It seemed like he was trying to comfort her, but it was obvious for a naked eye that it was comforting him way more. “Why… Why did he do it? Did he tell you anything specific?”

Miwa looked Okkotsu straight in his eyes. “No,” she said. “He didn’t.”

Kokichi knew that she lied.

“Mechamaru.” Yuta stood up. Rika didn’t move, now guarding the kitchen entrance like a personal bodyguard. “I’ll make a call. They should had started gathering already, I’ll get all the details.”

When they met shoulder to shoulder at the door, Muta heard him whispering, quite enough for Miwa not to hear them, quite enough to make it a purely personal exchange. “And don’t you dare to get your eyes off her even for a second.”

Oh, trust me, he wanted to answer, I would never look away if I could.

With Yuta leaving the silence in the room became almost palpable. Kasumi, sitting next to the table, eyes fixed on her fingers fidgeting with a blood-stained edge of a previously white shirt, and Kokichi, with his limbs awkwardly fixed by his sides and his heart beating so hard he swore it would damage his ribcage. He didn’t know what to do or not to do, what to say or not to say. He desperately craved holding Kasumi close, but she was all bruises and cuts, it seemed like even caressing her hair lightly could had gotten her falling apart like a house of cards.

“Sorry,” Miwa let out a quiet laugh. “It’s the first time we meet after the start and I look fucking terrible.”

Kokichi couldn’t believe his ears. She was alive, she was sitting in front of him, her lungs working and her heart beating, and she cared about…

“Miwa,” he asked lightly, “am I allowed to touch you?”

She waited a second, stopped fidgeting. It seemed like a whole eternity casually passed by before she nodded slightly. “Yes, you are.”

And it was everything he could had ever asked for.

He found himself kneeling in front of her shamefully fast. His own hands were always cold, something about his newly obtained body that stayed the exact same, so he calculated every touch like a professional surgeon calculated the cuts. Kokichi picked up her healthy hand with a light motion and without thinking brought it up to his lips. You’re alive. He left a kiss on her knuckles, small one, so light it was almost insensible – you’re alive, another one next to her wrist bone – you’re alive, another one on the fingers, scratched and bruised – you’re alive. You’re alive, you’re alive, you’re alive, alive, alive…

Miwa didn’t move. It seemed like she stopped breathing too, like she held her breath unable to make another inhale. Kokichi suddenly felt so stupid. Was he too much? Was it scary too see him like this? He never asked if the affection he craved so desperately was needed by Miwa too, he just couldn’t bring himself to ask. Was he too blunt? Was it too much?

Full of his own worries he froze in place, unable to look into Kasumi’s eyes. What if he looked up just to found disgust in the eyes of the person he loved so much his whole being ache with fondness? He never should had moved from his place, he never should had put a feet into this godforsaken kitchen, he never should had…

Muta heard the chair scratch the flooring with the way in was moved. He looked up too late: Miwa threw herself in his arms so fast he almost didn’t notice the way her cheeks were painted with tears. The strength with which she moved almost knocked both of them down, but Kokichi managed to stay upwards somehow. He couldn’t believe his eyes. Miwa was in his lap, arms wrapped around his neck and face hidden in his chest, and the way she was clinging to him made Kokichi feel dizzy.

“I’m sorry.” She sobbed.

“I’m so glad you’re alive.”

This sentence being said out loud seemed to break Miwa even further, cause she brought herself closer to Kokichi, being lost completely in the way his arms closed around her, protecting. Muta wanted to kiss every inch of her damaged skin just to make her feel alright again. He wanted a healthy ten hours nap with her face in his neck, he wanted to hold her hand while Shoko picks up glass from her wounds, he wanted to make her tea, change her bandages, read her to sleep…

He wanted to kiss her so badly it made his head spin.

“My hair is a mess.” Miwa said.

“I’ll brush it out for you.” Kokichi answered immediately.

And he would. As soon as they would get a second of peace, as soon as the world around stops spinning so fast, as soon as they get back home – he would brush it out for Kasumi. He would do it once, twice, five times, ten, twenty… He would do it as much and as many times as she would ask him and there would be no days where he would ever say no to her. There was literally no possibilities of him saying “no” to anything that Miwa would ever ask.

(she moved a little bit and he felt her nose rubbing against his neck lightly.)

He felt like passing out suddenly. Gladly, there was always Yuta to help them out.

“We should hurry up.” Said Okkotsu. “If we want you fixed up, we should give you to Shoko before everything starts.”

“Everything?” Miwa looked up at him, still linked tightly to Kokichi in a completely unbothered manner.

“The unsealing process.” He nodded. “Angel found them themselves.”

While they were getting up, Yuta spared Miwa a knowing look and she giggled so soft and pure like she wasn’t covered in her own blood from head to toes. Kokichi didn’t allow himself to make even a step with his hands empty: he quickly cupped Kasumi like a princess, holding close to his chest.

“I am pretty sure I can walk.” She said.

“I am pretty sure you’d rather not.” Yuta smirked back at her and there was nothing but wholesome platonic affection in how Miwa rolled her eyes and tried to hit him with her leg.

Kokichi tried not to look at how badly all the injuries on her body looked. If Kenjaku did something right, something that could had been considered right from his point, it was when he stopped the pain that Kasumi was in. Muta wasn’t a stranger to whole lots of wounds and he knew that any movement in her state would end up in horrifying amount of pain. Only looking at her head he knew that she must had had just enough of pain in her body to pass out trying to keep herself straight up even for a second.

Something in a way Miwa said “now nothing hurts anymore” made Kokichi feel sick to his bones. Did she only mean her wounds? Was he reading too much into it? Did she…

“Kokichi?” Kasumi whispered.

“Yes?”

“Do you still have your phone on you?”

He looked down at her worryingly. “Yes, I guess so.”

“I will need it to make a call.”

Chapter 11

Summary:

TW/CW:
death talk, minor character death, a little bit of gore going on, like a slightest bit, just know that there is blood and stuff involved. a lor of physical and mental trauma.

Utahime was never a person of many emotions, unless it came to Satoru Gojo.

Kokichi had never asked nor talked about it with his classmates, but rumour had it, there once was more than friendship bonds involved. He didn’t believe it neither: with all the respect to the strongest sorcerer in the world, he didn’t look like Utahime’s type at all. Not like Muta knew her type, no, it was more of a lucky guess built sorely on pure observations. He was quite sure in his luck on this from the very beginning…

And till the moment Angel moved their hand and Jacob’s ladder fell onto the prison realm.

The light was so bright it could had left them all completely blind. Energy that was used for this manoeuvre was different from the one they used in everyday life, it left his limbs tingling and skin covered with goosebumps. It felt safe and dangerous at the same time, made Kokichi’s brain ran in circles, trying to contemplate the amount of feelings that fell onto his shoulders. Instinctively, he reached to his side, trying to find Miwa’s hand. She noticed the movement and reached back, intertwining their fingers together.

It was a mere moment that felt like eternity. Once there was light, and seconds later there were people running towards the centre of explosion, screaming. All Kyoto students stayed behind, respectfully allowing Tokyo ones to be the first to meet their beloved teacher. Hopeful screams quickly went down to silence which made everyone poke their heads out of barricades.

There was nothing.

No trace of neither prison realm nor Gojo Satoru. Complete pure nothingness. Students with scared desperate faces. Terrified Angel with her hands closed into fists. And Utahime.

Utahime, who was standing aside of everyone, so white Muta could had mistaken her for a ghost. Her eyes were heavy, focused on the place where the prison realm was seconds ago. Shoko stepped closer, brushing their hands together so discreetly nobody would had noticed. Kokichi did. He was looking so intently it would certainly be considered incredibly rude if he got caught. Luckily, everyone was too busy interviewing Angel, so nobody but Miwa noticed the object of his observations. Noise was getting louder and louder, voices mixing together in one.

Rumour had it, there was more than friendship bonds involved.

And something in the way Utahime was gripping onto Shoko’s hand was weirdly similar.

“It’s an earthquake!” someone screamed out.

And the earth under their feet started to shake violently.

Hours later, with a blanket on his shoulders, Kokichi still felt his legs shake with the power that shook their world. That couldn’t had been a coincidence, they thought to themselves, and quickly this theory got proven right when Gojo Satoru himself showed up in the middle of the office that they inhabited as their base space. They all were scattered around the hall when it happened.

“Didn’t think you would see me again, hah?” he laughed out as his students sprinted to him, almost knocking the strongest sorcerer in the world down like a child. They hugged and they smiled and Muta could had sworn he saw Panda wipe away his tears shyly.

The thing that couldn’t go unnoticed was the absence of some students. Kokichi didn’t have time to debrief since he came back with Miwa and Yuta, so he had no idea why black haired first year was missing. He was half Zenin, if he was right, maybe he got into the same shit Mai got into? She was locked into improvised hospital room and nobody was allowed to see her or talk about the incident. Maybe, Fushiguro Megumi also was somewhere beside her? Maybe it was a reason why the other Zenin sister looked years and years older than she actually was? Yuta was the last one that saw Mai since they teamed up somewhere on the way, maybe asking him could shine some light onto the situation?

Kokichi stopped spiralling in his own thoughts only when Miwa carefully tugged onto his sleeve. “Look!” she whispered. “Utahime-sensei…”

 As soon as children were pulled away by their upper-classmates, Gojo’s eyes immediately found Utahime. It seemed like he had already revealed himself to Shoko and Ijichi since they didn’t possess any interest in greeting him at all. Utahime, on the other hand, seemed to meet him just now. He stepped closer to her, energy shifting slightly.

“Have been worried, Hime?”

“You’re completely stupid if you think I have been.”

With that Utahime took a step forward and Gojo opened his arms, embracing her tightly. It wasn’t a regular hug being shared between former friends, no, it was different. There was something special in a way Gojo’s arms fit perfectly alongside Utahime’s sides, in a way he was hiding his face in her hair silently… Everyone’s eyes were on them, but it seemed to not matter at all. It took a good second for more perceptive students to begin showing their more obvious classmates to take their gazes off their teachers to give them some privacy.

Maki grabbed Yuji by his collar and pushed both him and Panda out of the room to bring some tea. Yuta and Inumaki were looking at a completely empty blackboard like there was actually something written on it. Kyoto students were smart enough to hide their eyes, some by themselves some – not pointing fingers, Aoi Todo – by force. Kokichi hid a smile behind his hand. They were the closest to the scene, so the need to leave was as evident as ever.

“Should we go change your bandages, Miwa?”

She smiled back. “Of course! It is such an important and urgent task to do, my friend, we should hurry up as quick possible.”

As they got up to quickly leave the room, Kokichi heard Utahime sob. Gojo laughed quietly and whispered something almost inaudible. She sobbed again and punched his arm with no strength behind this movement, making him laugh even more, sound soft and caring.

“Don’t worry, none of your favourite exes got hurt.”

Rumor had it, there was something more going on once.

But maybe it wasn’t their business at all.

***

“So, what happened while I was… well, busy?”

The room Miwa was sharing with the girls was empty, so it was chosen as a perfect place for a little meet-up. Kokichi was sitting on the bed with her, carefully bandaging her hand, and in front of them placed themselves Yuta and Inumaki. Before, Muta didn’t quite grasp the reason of these two going together as a package-deal, but now he knew and it seemed so obvious it was painful to watch.

There was silence in the air. Okkotsu was fidgeting with an edge of his shirt, Inumaki was too busy studying a white wall in front of him.

“Why are you looking at me?” Kokichi shrugged, catching Miwa’s gaze. “I don’t know anything.”

“Right.” Yuta rubbed his forehead. “Oh. Right.”

Inumaki reached out and carefully placed a hand on Yuta’s shoulder. It seemed to help a little, since his fingers stopped torturing his poor shirt. There was a heavy feeling following his every move. Yuta Okkotsu was incredibly, painfully tired, and everyone saw it, but nobody said anything.

“I was with Mai and Momo. We followed Maki to Zenin mansion. There were… problems.”

Miwa tilted her head slightly. “Problems?”

“I stayed with Momo, we still needed to patrol the territory. Besides, it’s a family business and it’s not our place to shove our noses into. We both thought this way, we thought it was fine if they go together, they told us so themselves. We were close anyway, it would had been easy for us to help…”

Kokichi felt Miwa’s hands tense. He sneaked his fingers down to her wrist, finding skin untouched by bandages, and caressed it lightly, comforting. It’s okay.

“If we knew, we would have gone, of course we would have gone, but we didn’t, and now I don’t even know how she’s doing at all. Shoko doesn’t let anyone inside of her room, I doubt even Maki has seen her yet.”

“Yuta.” Kasumi said. “What happened?”

The fear in her voice seemed to make an impact on Okkotsu. He shook his head, not being able to look up from his hands, but talked anyway.

“She died.” He whispered. “Maki carried her body all the way down the hill and she was dead the whole time.”

 

 

“Is it…” Momo lowered her broom closer to earth. “Yuta?”

“Yes?”

“She’s alone.”

Everything went down so fast it all mixed into some weird hellish nightmare. Maki’s emotionless face. Momo’s screams full with pain and tears. Mai’s body being passed right into his hands. She was still warm, Yuta remembered, her skin was white, but still warm under his fingertips. It seemed she was sleeping, just closed her eyes for a second, like she would wake up in a moment. Momo screamed and cried and held Mai’s hand in hers till she started to shake so violently her fingers started slipping.

“Maki.” Yuta whispered. “What did you both do?..”

He kneeled next to his friend’s body, unable to separate his own screaming thoughts from Momo’s. Maki stayed behind them, not making a single step closer to the scene. Her eyes were dark and lifeless, she didn’t speak and didn’t move neither. The gaze she was holding was cold, it made Okkotsu shiver. It looked like she was staring right through him. Not a word.

Asking twice was pointless. He checked the pulse, hoping for something magical, for some type of a fortunate miracle, but it was terrifyingly silent. Momo saw the way Okkotsu’s face changed right after and couldn’t sit back anymore. She jumped up immediately, moving face to face with Maki. Zenin was a whole lot taller than her, but somehow the way her shoulders hunched when she was facing Momo made her look small like a child she actually was.

“How dare you?” she screamed. “It was you who told us not to follow you inside. You told us you would protect her! You told us she would return back to us just fine! You told that she would return back to me just fine!”

There was no visible wounds on Mai’s body. There was blood on some parts of her clothes, but it seemed that it came from other sources than herself being hurt. This way, she looked like she was sleeping. This way, she looked almost peaceful. Only face too pale and fingers unusually cold. Was she cold when she died, Yuta thought to himself? Did she feel just as peaceful as she looked now? Was there Maki near to hold her hand while she closed her eyes? There was no visible injuries on her body, so maybe they had time…

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

There was no visible injuries on her body.

Cause of death?

“Maki, what happened there?” Yuta asked again. “How did she die?”

Zenin didn’t look back. Momo was showing her around like a doll, screaming her lungs out, and Maki still didn’t say anything. The same frozen dead eyes. Shock? Guilt? Grief?

There was no visible injuries on her body.

Think. Think. Think. Think. Think.

Dead people usually keep some heat for around three hours after the death occurs. Same goes for cursed energy: even non-sorcerers with a minimum amount of cursed energy still have remains of it left till hours later. The larger the energy levels, the longer sorcerers could feel the presence of the body in the same space. He didn’t. It was weird. It must had meant something. Yuta rolled Mai’s sleeve far up and lightly swiped his thumb from wrist to elbow, following blue veins under pale skin.

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

No visible injuries. No cursed energy.

Cause of death?

“Say something!” Momo screamed out. “What are you, fucking mute?”

There was still a revolver on Mai’s belt. Yuta took it out just to found all bullets back in place. Not used, but still useful. He took out a bullet and held it tightly in his palm. No visible injuries. No cursed energy.

Cause of death?

Cause of death?

Cause of death?

“Maki.” He said one more time. “Hold her in place.”

Momo tried to turn around, figuring that this sentence wasn’t about Mai at all, but failed – Maki gripped onto her arms like the world was going to end if she let her go. This grip would leave marks on her skin, but Okkotsu couldn’t bother less by this fact. If everything works out, it’s going to be nothing. If everything works out…

He held a bullet in his closed palm, focusing all of his energy on it. The flow was so powerful it seemed to rock the air around the scene a little: the trees meters away stood still, but the grass under Mai’s body was vibrating like an artificially oversaturated image. If it works out…

“Let me go!” Momo cried out. “Let me go, let me go, let me go!” She had enough energy to turn herself around just in time to see Okkotsu drawing his katana. Her eyes widened in shock. “What are you doing?..”

Yuta traced a thumb along Mai’s arm again. Nothing. Complete emptiness. It would had never hurt to try, right?

Right?

Katana easily cut pale flesh, blood staining his hands. Momo screamed out again and tried to snatch herself out of Maki’s arms. Zenin rocked, but kept her balance, trusting in Yuta hopefully yet blindly. It was bad, it was bad-bad-bad. It would be better for her to never believe in his success in the first place – then possible disappointment wouldn’t end up being so resentful and bitter.

A cut was wide enough for his idea to be possible, but small enough not to damage Mai’s body even more. Easily stitched and masked if needed, even he could had done it if asked, no need to bother Shoko.

The bullet that he was holding became hot. The amount of pure energy that it contained inside was so unspeakably large it could have torn a little piece of iron apart with a single careless move. It should be enough, Yuta thought, enough if not too much at all. He took Mai’s lifeless hand in his and whispered a barely audible apology. Was it bad how easy his hands slid the bullet inside of an open wound smoothly? Was it bad that he didn’t show any mercy to Momo screaming? Was it bad that he didn’t even ask anyone? Didn’t even hesitate?

No visible injuries. No cursed energy. Cause of death?

“Come on, Mai.” He whispered, blood-stained fingers rubbing circles around a bullet bump. The skin on it was hot and red, almost like Maki’s healing scars. “Come on, Mai. Come on.”

No visible injuries. No cursed energy.

Cause of death?

 

 

Mai opened her eyes wide and took a sharp breath. Everything went silent for a second.

Come on, Mai.

And then the world started spinning again.

Maki couldn’t help but let Momo’s arm slip out of the grip. Nishimiya was pulling away with so much strength that when she was finally free she fell down on her knees, scraping them all deeply. She didn’t seem to care, only wanting to get closer to Mai, only to find her hand. If it was difficult to see her cry before, then now Yuta couldn’t bear the weight of the scene in a slightest. The tears she was dropping were different, with the same pain, but colored in a different undertone. Momo brought Mai’s hand to her lips, shaking so hard she seemed freezing.

“Oh.” Mai turned her eyes to her slowly and managed a soft smile. “Hi, love. I’m sorry I made you cry.”

“How dare you… to say sorry,” Momo sobbed, “when I had almost lost you here?”

Mai moved her hand a little, cupping Momo’s cheek, thumb rubbing running tears away. “I dunno. A bad habit?”

Yuta let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Somehow he didn’t notice before how badly his own hands were shaking, how strongly he held onto the bullet, grip so tight a little piece of iron left a deep mark on his palm. He rocked back and made himself get up straight. Still a lot of shit to get done. No time to feel. No need to feel.

“Yuta.” Maki called out and grabbed his arm, movement a little too sharp. “You brought her back.”

“I did.”

“How can I… pay you back for it?”

Okkotsu looked at her like she went completely nuts. “Get her to Shoko as fast as you can. She would do a way better job than I did.”

“But…”

“Maki.” He said. “You’re my friend. And she is my friend too. There is nothing worth more than a human’s life and saving it is my biggest responsibility. And saving a life of our friend,” he glanced on Mai for a second. She was smiling, hand still cupping Momo’s cheek. “is the least I can do to pay you back for everything our friendship had done for me.”

Maki was silent when he was picking up his katana and starting to head the other way. He stopped for a second before deciding to actually leave:

“And Maki?”

“Yes?”

“It was never your fault.”

Yuta could have sworn he saw Maki turn away to wipe her tears silently before taking a first step towards her sister.

***

“Cause of death – absence of cursed energy.” Yuta sighed out. “Maki told me that Shoko couldn’t believe I pulled it off! I’ve never charmed an object before, especially with reversed cursed energy.”

Kokichi couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows. “So it was reversed?”

“Yes.” Okkotsu nodded. “She needed something that would take her energy levels from zero to at least humanly possible minimal and something that would start her heart again. She was dead for good twenty minutes if not more after all. Reversed cursed energy helped her heart get going again and healed all the impact from these twenty-something minutes that was made to her body.”

“You are a genius.” Muta let out before he realised what he was saying. It wasn’t embarrassing to say it out loud, but it was somehow embarrassing to say it out loud to Okkotsu Yuta. Miwa didn’t seem to find anything bad in what was said at all, even opposite – she gifted him a reassuring smile and squeezed his hand a little.

Yuta shook his head. “I just hope Shoko would figure out a more decent long-term solution.”

They all went silent for a good moment. Kokichi was finishing with Miwa’s bandages, Yuta was dissociating hard with Inumaki’s hand now on his lap. They all needed some time to process everything, and since now their main task was waiting for Gojo Satoru they had plenty of it to spare.

It all ended when Inumaki showed Yuta’s shoulder lightly. He signed something with his hands and Okkotsu inhaled sharply. Miwa didn’t react much, but Kokichi found it amusing to watch: he was sure sign language wasn’t taught neither in Tokyo nor in Kyoto department. It was quite understandable that Inumaki possessed some knowledge of it, but Yuta? Did he learn it by himself just to be able to communicate with Toge?

“I don’t think you had time to notice it.” Yuta said, exchanging looks with Inumaki. “But the battle between Sukuna and Gojo won’t be happening with Yuji’s body involved. Sukuna has a different vessel now.”

Kokichi’s eyes widened.

“This morning we lost Fushiguro Megumi to him.”

Notes:

welcoming all of you back after my long-awaited vacation! hope you like the chapter and yes, i am taking bringing characters back to life as an extremely serious task and i WILL FIND WAYS TO DO IT WITH LOGICAL EXPLANATION. (almost) everyone will be alive and loved and cuddled!!!

Chapter 12

Notes:

This fic now has spotify playlist! Check what I'm listening to while writing here

ALSO my dear friend got into mechamiwa brainrot with me, check out the art they made!

The night before the big fight was the most anxious moment Kokichi had ever experienced since coming back alive.

During daytime there were meetings and plannings and people sneaking around, old faces, new faces, plans and diagrams, predictions and bets, but as soon as the evening rolled in a fragile imitation of life that they had created shattered apart in sync with the setting sun. Stuff members and teachers were locked in their offices with students left to roam the halls in complete loneliness till appropriate bedtime arrived and if Muta was completely honest, it felt like a constant unstoppable panic attack and he didn’t enjoy it in a slightest.

And that’s why he ended up here.

A small room that normally hosted three to four students now was packed way over its full capacity. Both of the schools were there. Usually, Kyoto students and Tokyo ones struggled to find similar grounds, but tough times seemed to get under everyone’s skin. There were mattresses on the floor with blankets shared and pillows hugged, there were hands held and fears shared, there were almost all of jujutsu students inside of the smallest room possible and somehow it felt as safe as ever.

They didn’t talk about it, didn’t plan it at all – just at some point, when Kyoto students were gathered in a room, the door opened and Miwa brought Yuta. Yuta went hand in hand with his favourite person, Inumaki, and Inumaki was a package deal with Panda. Panda couldn’t leave Yuji alone and Yuji couldn’t leave Maki alone. Tokyo third-years were considered to be on the same level as teachers, so they were busy in the office, and because of his cursed technic Arata also was stuck there, but even without them a room was the fullest it could had possibly been. And it was… surprisingly peaceful.

Aoi was loudly talking to Yuji with Panda listening attentively by their side. Inumaki and Yuta was sharing headphones sitting a little too close for friendly matters. Miwa took on herself a hard job of adopting both of the girls troubled by an incident with Mai: she was teaching Maki how to braid hair using Momo’s head as an example. They all seemed to get along well, or at least pretended to do so not to disappoint Kasumi. Noritoshi chose to be by Zenin’s side for reasons unknown to Kokichi – maybe, some similar family troubles? And Muta himself was sitting shoulder to shoulder with Panda, finding a loud company of boys somehow comforting. He didn’t listen a lot though, his eyes were lingering around the room, stopping on Miwa more times that it was socially acceptable. If Mai had been there, she would had said that he was staring badly, but since she hadn’t he could had allow himself a moment of weakness.

“So, it’s Miwa?” Panda asked, pushing him a little with his paw.

There was something in his presence that made Kokichi unable to lie. He looked up at him fearlessly. “What if it is?”

Panda hummed in return. “Nothing. Just happy to see you… alive.”

And somehow it was understandable that he wasn’t talking about a physical quality of this word.

Deeper in the evening the chatter started to get quieter and quieter until it ended fully. Everyone found a space to put their heads on, and the lights were turned off without goodnights said. They knew that less in twelve hours they would be witnesses of the greatest battle of their lifetime that would signify the ending of the war, in their favour or in favour of their opponent. They knew that the danger and risks were too high, they knew even the strongest of them couldn’t do anything, couldn’t help anyhow. They knew and still the silence was the loudest sound of their evening and it made their heads hurt.

Kokichi couldn’t sleep. He tried to close his eyes, tried to at least rest a little, but his whole body was tense and tired finding it impossible to relax. He heard Panda breathing heavily in his sleep meters away, heard distance music from Yuta’s headphones still being on, heard Maki shifting worriedly in her sleep. Around midnight – probably, he lost count of the hours as soon as the light turned off – he heard someone get up. He opened his eyes, but didn’t move. Steps were light and silent, carefully placed around sleeping people scattered on the floor. When the person opened the door, he finally understood who it was. He smiled with this realisation, turning away from the light.

He hoped Momo would make it through neverresting Shoko safe and would be able to see Mai for some time. If he knew Zenin at least a little bit, he was sure she would be happy to see Nishimiya just as much as she was eager to see her.

Since there was no sleep in his plans, Kokichi just kept staring into the void in front of him, listening to his own thought racing back and forth inside of his skull. It frightened him a little when the void actually looked back at him.

Miwa sat straight up at her bed and searched for Momo. They were sharing a sleeping place, so probably Kasumi felt Nishimiya leave. She took her phone out, shining light on the floor around, trying to understand where did her friend go, but instead her gaze met with Muta’s eyes. He wasn’t staring, of course, the room was too dark for it, but somehow he still felt caught on a crime scene. Miwa looked around for a second and put her phone away.

Oh, Kokichi thought to himself, now she would think that I’m weird, looking at her in the middle of the night. He could had said something, but what could had he said? And everyone was sleeping safe and sound, he didn’t want to disrupt their much needed rest. Maybe, he should had looked away as soon as their eyes met? Maybe, it wouldn’t had been so weird? Oh god, did she actually think he was weird?

Muta got wrapped in his worries so tightly that he didn’t hear the mattress creak. It was two seconds, not more, and he felt someone kneeling next to him. He looked up and met with blue eyes staring back at him. Close.

“Mind if I jump in?” Miwa whispered. “I don’t want to stay alone.”

He hummed in return, suddenly losing his ability to speak.

Kasumi, on the other hand, was pretty sure in what she was doing. She placed a pillow next to Kokichi’s and lied down facing him. Like it wasn’t enough to drive the poor boy completely insane, she also moved his hand a little so she could sneak under a blanket, being even closer than before.

“Sorry if I disturbed you.” Kasumi said. “I guess, Momo left, so…”

Kokichi couldn’t answer. Kokichi couldn’t breathe.  

Miwa was looking up at him, he could see her eyes even in a complete darkness. He could smell a cheap shampoo Shoko found in the closest store to help Kasumi clean blood of her hair, he could feel her shoulders rise and fall with every breath she took. Kokichi Muta was going completely insane. It was everything he could had ever dreamed of, to hold Miwa in his hands, to feel her next to him. It was everything he could had ever dreamed of, but somehow he couldn’t dare to touch her.

It seemed to give off a wrong vibe.

“Am I… bothering you?”

He felt something hidden in her voice, in a way she slightly pulled away, trying to give him space, something almost sad, something that he could had never allow himself to cause. So he made an effort. He reached out and secured a hand on her back in the lightest way possible, letting her decide if she wanted to stay or not, and breathed out an answer that sounded so quiet it was almost impossible to hear.

“No.” he said. “Never.”

Miwa shifted a little bit and Kokichi caught himself being scared that she would decide to leave. He would had let her, of course, if she had decided to, it was never his right to ask her to stay, but still it would had feel… sad. He would had feel sad.

He waited for her to go, but she didn’t. Instead, Kasumi moved closer, putting her head on his pillow and folding hands on his chest. The distance between their faces was so small it made Kokichi’s mind go completely nuts. He wasn’t brave, he was never brave, but somehow at that exact moment he felt invincible. Muta took a deep breath in and leaned in closer, touching Miwa’s forehead with his. It must had been such a needed gesture, such a long awaited gesture, cause the girl melted in his hands in a matter of seconds.

She hummed something inaudible and rubbed a tip of her nose on his. Such a childish way of showing affection, such a pure one, such a needed one. Kokichi couldn’t help but pull her closer. She giggled, a sound so clear and light it made a shiver go down his spine. He could had kissed her. He could had kissed her with such an ease he would forget how he lived before that exact moment. He could had kissed her, he wanted to kiss her so bad. Miwa was so close, co damn close: with her hair on his pillow, her hand finding its way to his neck, her breath tickling his skin. He could had kissed her, he could had kissed her, he could had kissed her…  

They both flinched hearing someone next to them move. It was enough for Miwa to jump in place and dive under a blanket with her whole head, clinging to Kokichi for her dear life. Noritoshi turned to Muta’s side, being woken up by the noise:

“What time is it?”

Kokichu Muta was ready to haunt Noritoshi Kamo for sport the same fucking moment.

“Sorry.” Kokichi whispered back. “Can’t sleep.”

Kamo didn’t look convinced, but chose not to ask anything else. “Can’t sleep in silence, Mechamaru.”

As soon as he turned away, Kasumi stack her head back out. She must had like it better that way, when she was tucked into Muta’s collarbones, cause she shifted a little to place her face back into the fold of his neck. It was enough for Kokichi, even though he grieved a missed opportunity with his whole being, it was just enough nonetheless. Miwa was searching for a place to put her hands in and it seemed like she finally found it. She wrapped a hand around his neck, letting fingers get lost in his hair, brushing through it lightly.

Kokichi Muta was on the edge of purring like a goddamn cat.

He hugged her closer, breathing in the smell of her shampoo, and for a second he felt… in peace. He felt like there were no life or death battles happening on the sunrise, like there was no danger, no risks taken, no war outside of the windows. Suddenly, they weren’t on the floor of a half broken office building, sharing a mattress in a room full of desperate children, suddenly they weren’t terrified to close their eyes, suddenly they were… okay?

Like it couldn’t had gotten any better, Miwa reached out and placed a kiss somewhere on his chin, a careful and chaste one. It was so fast Kokichi thought he must had imagined it, but the skin were burning alongside with his whole face and ears. Kasumi rubbed her nose on his bare neck, hiding a smile. “Thank you, Kokichi.”

He couldn’t help but place a quick kiss on the top of her head. “Thank you, Miwa.”

***

It was the best sleep he had ever gotten in his life.

Kokichi went from not closing an eye to completely blacking out in a matter of seconds with Kasumi’s hand playing with his hair and her face hidden in his neck. It seemed like the rightest thing that had even happened: how carefully he was holding her, how trusting she was leaning in closer for more warmth.

She was gone before he woke up.

It upset him greatly, but, to be honest, Muta wasn’t surprised – he simply couldn’t be so lucky to be blessed both with such a trouble-less sleep and with seeing Kasumi first thing in the morning. It was okay. He wasn’t religious and didn’t believe in any gods existing, but as soon as he opened his eyes he prayed for this experience to happen again. It was almost funny.

He didn’t want to die anymore. He wanted to hold Miwa in his hands once again. Again and again and again until it becomes an everyday routine, something that happens so easily you almost don’t notice until you realise. It was fun, it was just hilarious – while other couples prayed to never sink into everyday routines, he craved mundane affection in amounts he didn’t know it was possible to do. He craved shared dinners and folding laundry, picking her up from class, carrying shopping bags home, kisses in the mornings, kisses before sleep, kisses in the middle of the hallway before going away for another quest. Maybe, just maybe, if the world wouldn’t end today, it would be nice to wake up to see Miwa sleeping on his pillow again. He would make her a coffee or a tea or anything and everything she preferred to have in the morning, he would bring in back to her bedside and he would accept light kisses as a reward and it would be the best deal ever.

Oh dear fucking god, he was so deeply into this girl it made him look stupid.

Less than an hour later everyone had been already gathered in a spectators room. There were chairs around huge screens and an image of one of the colonies from the eyes of Mei Mei’s crows made the whole situation feel as real as ever. There was Miwa, Kokichi saw her as soon as he entered the room – she was on Momo’s side, caressing her shoulder in a supporting way. She also noticed him and her face bloomed with a wide smile. He couldn’t help but smile back.

It seemed a tiny bit wrong how desperate the atmosphere in the room was. They all should had supported Gojo Satoru with their whole being, they should had believed in the best outcome, they should had been anything and everything except hopeless. They should had, but they were desperate nonetheless. Students were tired. Tired of fighting the war, tired of losing their friends, tired of waking up every day not knowing if it was going to be the last one. They should had never fought in the first place.

But how could they not?

“Before we start,” Shoko clapped her hands together, “I decided to bring some more stable individuals from the cells I was hiding them in. I guessed it would lighten the mood a little.”

Momo saw Mai first. Zenin only opened the door and Nishimiya was already holding her in her arms. It made Kokichi question if she already knew about this surprise from her late night’s journey. Probably she did, but who knew how unpredictable their respected doctor was? Maybe Shoko made up her mind only this morning?

This time, Momo didn’t cry – the amount of effort for this decision to be brought to life was literally written all over her face – so the reunion actually looked reassuring. Miwa and Aoi hurried over to their friend, somehow Yuta and Noritoshi ended up going up to her together. Kyoto group was all bright smiles and tight embraces, the happiness spreading around like some kind of a weird disease. Kokichi noticed Yuji and Panda smiling.

Muta himself didn’t feel like he had the right to invade such a heartwarming moment. Momo still didn’t quite enjoy his presence, so he didn’t want to ruin everything for her. He decided he would approach Mai in person, they obviously had quite some stuff to discuss. It seemed that Maki had come to the same decision: she was standing next to Muta eying Kyoto students intensively, but not being able to take even a single step. Kokichi felt like he needed to say something, but he was never good with words, so he just stood there silently, hoping that at least his presence alone made some difference for her.

He suddenly registered a movement somewhere out of a door that still remained open. He heard some bickering, a female voice in the distance, and a wood knocking on the cement floorings. Bam. Bam. Bam.

“I can walk on my fucking own, jesus christ!”

There was a person with a cane in their hands. They squeezed behind Kyoto students unnoticed. Kokichi saw a smile that Shoko was hiding. He heard someone drop one of the chairs in the background. He felt Maki take a shaky step back.

“What, not even a hug?” a person smiled, adjusting their eyepatch a little. “Didn’t know you missed me that little, you assholes!”

Oh Shoko, Kokichi thought to himself, a second before the screaming rose, what a sneaky little menace you are.

Notes:

SAY HI TO OUR FAVOURITE GIRLSSSS

Chapter 13

Notes:

CW: death talks, trauma, trauma, trauma.

strap in and strap on, girls gays and theys, that's a rollercoaster one!

The girl in front of them didn’t look like a student at all. Was it scars on one part of her face that aged her a little? Was it a plain black eye patch or a cane that helped her stand upwards without stumbling down? Maybe the fact that she was half of her weight if not even less? Kokichi didn’t know for sure, and it wasn’t his business to begin with. In the end, not like all of these details mattered when it came to the main subject: Nobara Kugisaki, a first year Tokyo student who was pronounced dead for the past three weeks, was standing in front of them. Smiling, well and alive.

Yuji was the first one that got her.

He literally swooped Nobara off her feet, lifting her up like it was nothing. She let out a squeal and started hitting him with no real strength behind it. Itadori didn’t care at all – he kept laughing, swaying from side to side with a girl in his arms like it was nothing.

“Put me down!” Kugisaki screamed. “Put me down, Yuji, you bastard!”

It took Itadori quite some time to actually let Nobara back down. As soon as he did, Toge and Yuta squeezed her in their hands in a polite but affectionate way. Panda kneeled down, letting her pat his head happily. There was nothing but pure love concentrated in this circle of people, and just by looking at it Kokichi’s heart somehow felt way lighter than it did before. Suddenly, he had an urge to reach out for Miwa’s hand again. He looked up just to catch her staring back with the same look in her eyes.

Oh dear lord.

Oh dear lord.

“What are you, crying?” Nobara screamed out, punching Yuji’s shoulder, this time visibly harder. “Save this till I get my hands on the other part of your fabulous duo. Then you can cry, them you will cry together with him. Can’t believe this twink got his ass taken and missed my special return show!”

“I’m glad to see that your spirit stayed just the same.” Yuta smiled.

It made Nobara scuffle. “’course it did! I’m too good to be changed by a man.”

They laughed together and Kokichi couldn’t help but roll his eyes. It was so good to see someone who went through hell and back looking as alive as ever, looking almost the same. It made him jealous. It made him hopeful. It made him wanting Miwa on his side even more than before. He tried to make a move towards Kyoto group, but had ran straight into Maki. They bumped into each other and jumped away in a second. Oh. She stayed so silent all the time he even forgot they were standing shoulder to shoulder! Just by sparing one single look at Zenin’s face he decided to stay still for some more time. Just in case.

If Maki Zenin was at least a little bit like her sister, he couldn’t imagine what a hellish nightmare was unfolding in her head as everyone spoke. Driven by an unknown power, he reached out and placed a hand on her spine silently. She looked at him with eyes he had never seen before on anyone but himself.

“Go.” He whispered. “She was waiting for you just as much.”

They weren’t friends, they weren’t even good acquaintances to begin with, so it was stupid to act this way, like he knew something, like he had a saying in this situation… It was absolutely goddamn stupid, but Kokichi did it nonetheless. In his head, he was quite a professional when it came to dead people coming back alive. He hoped that Maki didn’t take it in a wrong way.

She didn’t seem to, at least.

As soon as Zenin took a step forward, the crowd around Nobara parted. Until that exact moment she was standing straight up thanks to Yuji’s helping hand wrapped around her waist in a friendly way, but now a cane magically found its way back into her hands. Inumaki, being the said magic, grabbed Yuji by his hood in one hand and Panda by his ear in the other, and dragged them both several big steps behind. Yuta giggled a little, but backed together with them anyway. People around kept talking, preparations to the battle kept unwrapping… It was still noisy, but somehow the silence around two girls was astonishing.

They were standing meters away from each other, unable to take a step closer. It looked like some weird dark sorcery was holding an invisible wall in-between them, not letting the distance to be shortened. Kokichi noticed how hard Zenin’s hands were shaking, how white Kugisaki’s knuckles were from holding onto the cane like it was somehow lifesaving.

“Hi, Maki.” Nobara said. “I look fucking terrible, I know.”

She let out a silent laugh, rearranging her bangs a little so they would cover the most of her eyepatch behind. If Kokichi knew something about Nobara before, it was the fact that she was gifted with an unshakable confidence and unbeatable self-worth, so seeing her hiding her eyes like that was almost  physically painful. It must had been a huge deal for her, if she acted this way. It must had been a huge shock for her either. Suddenly, Muta felt bad for his jealousy – he must had been the first to see through this carefully stitched disguise, he must had reminded himself that these laughs and smiles were never as good as they looked. It was death. Nobody came back just the same.

“Shoko did her best, you know, she really tried, but it still looks kind of… eh? At least I saved one eye, it would be completely bullocks to survive but go completely blind, wouldn’t it, hah?”

Maki didn’t seem to listen. She headed closer, steps so small and careful, like her legs would fail any second and a cold cement floor would greet her with its open arms. Nobara kept speaking, voice getting louder and louder and louder… Maki cupped her cheek lovingly, brushing away the bangs.

“You are just as beautiful as the day I lost you.”

Nobara stopped halfway thought the sentence.

It was the longest silence in the world. It lasted exactly three seconds.

The cane hit hard floorings with a loud sound, but nobody seemed to care about it in a slightest. Kugisaki’s hands were wrapped around Maki’s waist, and Zenin tried to keep her as close as it was humanly possible. Kokichi couldn’t see their faces, but he knew they both were crying. He flinched when he felt someone’s hand slip into his.

“Sorry.” Miwa whispered, taking her hand away shyly.

Kokichi grabbed it back so fast he looked desperate. “Stay?”

“Of course.”

They stood hand in hand and it felt like looking in a weird broken mirror. Kasumi stepped closer, leaning in and putting her head on his shoulder. Muta turned a little to leave a quick forehead kiss on her skin. It was… good. She felt good.

In the background, Tokyo school was slowly getting back together. Yuji hugged both of the girls, trying to get them up in the air, and Maki barked back something not really polite, but still friendly. Somehow, Kyoto students got wrapped into the greetings too. Miwa dragged him in immediately, and somehow it wasn’t weird at all. They all congratulated Nobara on coming back alive, Momo complemented her hair – it got a little longer and framed Kugisaki’s face differently. With Nobara pressed to her side, Maki found enough strength to face her sister eye to eye. They talked, dryly and short, but it still felt like a huge win. When everyone separated, Mai smacked him upside the head unexpectedly.

“Ouch, Zenin!” he hissed back. “It hurts!”

“Oh I hope it does, you bitch!” she grinned back an unusually wide smile. “Thought you would go unnoticed, ha?”

Kokichi rolled his eyes. “You know that I would have talked to you later. You know me.”

“I for sure do.” Mai answered. “Still well-deserved.”

He rubbed his head and let out a quiet laugh. Still well-deserved, yeah. Still well-deserved.  

“Mai?”

“That’s my name.”

“I’m glad you’re okay.”

She smiled, but didn’t look back at him. Kokichi didn’t judge her for this. He knew that if she did she would had cried.

“I don’t know you.” Nobara said unexpectedly. “Who are you and what’s the matter with you fiddling with my sister-in-law, hmm?”

Mai seemed just as surprised by her new title as Kokichi was. She looked at Nobara, then at Maki and back. Her sister just shrugged, looking away and escaping any and all questions that could had possibly be targeted at her. By the look on Mai’s face Muta knew it would be quiet an interesting conversation when sisters finally would have some time alone for themselves.

“I’m not fiddling with anyone.” Kokichi frowned. “My name is Kokichi Muta, but you knew me… as Mechamaru.”

Oh god, this talk never got easier, didn’t it?

He prepared himself for anything and everything. Since Tokyo students were the ones being affected by his actions directly, they had all the rights to be mad at him, and “mad” was a really, really soft word. They were allowed to be fucking awful to him and he would say exactly nothing in return. Well-deserved, as Mai said earlier, well-deserved as ever.

Kokichi prepared himself for anything and everything. Kugisaki looked him up and down.

“Damn.” She said. “Boy, ya good. Cheers on Kasumi for landing such a babe.”

Mai on his side chocked on her laugher.

“…what?”

“I’m not repeating myself, shawty.” Nobara grinned back. “Welcome back anyway. It’s nice not to be the only one dead girl walking.”

Mai went “excuse me” without even thinking. Muta tried his best not to laugh at how offended she sounded.

“People who were dead less than twelve hours don’t count.” Nobara smiled, tongue sticking out a little in between the teeth.

“Oh, really?” she crossed her hands on her chest. “And who made up these rules?”

“I dunno.” Nobara answered. “I was dead.”

“Actually,” Kokichi inserted himself in between the girls, “I also wasn’t dead for twelve hours. Four at max, I think.”

Nobara shrugged, tucking her long bangs behind her ears. “Then it makes me the deadest of all of you. Losers.”

“Oh, for real?”

They had already started quarrelling when a quiet laugh reached their ears. Maki was laughing with tears in her eyes and a hand covering her mouth. It was a clear sound, voice still tired, but somehow the happiest Kokichi had ever heard her sound. The laugh getting louder got everyone’s eyes on Zenin. They all couldn’t help but stare. With Nobara on her side and Mai in front of her, Maki was laughing and laughing and laughing till tears started running down her scarred face.

“I’ve never though I would miss all of you so much!”

Kokichi smiled. Mai scoffed, turning away, but he still noticed the way her eyes light up with hope after hearing these words. It was so easy to loose the fact that they were sisters in between all quarrelling and rivalling and screaming… They were sisters and it was a kind of bond Kokichi as an only child could had never completely understood. He turned around to follow Mai just on time to hear Nobara whisper lightly:

“Don’t cry, dear, oh my god! How can you cry after quoting that dragon movie to me? I should be the one crying, ‘kay? Damn, Maki, love, you’re wasted. Come here.”

There was nothing in the world he needed more than to place a kiss on Miwa’s forehead once again, but she was too busy talking to their friends and he didn’t feel like he had the right to rob her of these peaceful moments right before the actual hell unfolds on the screens right in front of them.

When everyone finally gathered on their seats, the battle was already starting. Happiness that was spread in the air like some type of a deadly virus was still there, everyone could felt traces of it lingering in lost smiles and hand touches that went unnoticed, but now it was muted heavily by anxiety in their minds. Despite everyone having their own assigned seat, people ended up being gathered in groups, clinging to each other in desperate need of support.

Miwa and Momo were seated next to each other, but instead of taking two chairs they barely took one and a half, being pressed into each other’s arms so hard they struggled to breath right. Mai was sitting on the floor next to Nishimiya’s side and Kokichi found himself mirroring her position. He leaned his head towards Kasumi’s knees and her hand got lost in his hair without a second thought. Such a small and easy gesture, supporting in silence, quiet “I’m here” whispered with no words said. If they were destined to die today, Muta prayed his last moments to be filled with Miwa’s touches light as air.

Not so far away from them Yuji took a seat. He seemed to be alone – he put himself there on purpose, getting so worked up about this fight he needed additional space – but if you looked closely enough, it was evident that he was never alone to begin with. Todo was sitting kind of far, but still near, and Panda was seated on the floor far enough to be considered respectful, but close enough to be considered together.

Yuta and Inumaki both were standing in the distance, because Okkotsu was kind of mixed up with adults and because Toge couldn’t leave his side in times like these. Kokichi noticed how Inumaki silently reached his hand and intertwined their pinkies together.

Maki couldn’t get enough of Nobara being alive. As soon as she took a seat, she immediately pulled Kugisaki on her lap with no protests accepted.

“You know I don’t need a hand in sitting down on a chair by my own?”

Yuta chuckled in a distance. “Well, you maybe don’t need one, but…”

“Okkotsu.” Maki hissed.

“I’m mute.”

Nobara laughed quietly and let Zenin pull her even closer. She ruffled her dark hair a little and placed a loving kiss somewhere on her temple. Muta sighed heavily which made Miwa giggle. Unsufferable.

As they all clang to each other, the battle of the strongest had begun.

And the silence became painful.

***

The last thing they all saw before Mei Mei’s screens turned dead black was Megumi’s body sliding down the wall.

The energy of the last strike was strong enough to knock down all the communication matters including poor crows. It took a while, but somehow time had flown by like an arrow being shot by a professional archer: fast and just on target. They all went silent, not knowing if the events they had witnessed were true or not. Gojo Satoru won by destroying Sukuna’s shrine using his own domain. Was it actually all? Did they… did they win? Was the war over? Was Sukuna dead? They all saw that cursed energy destroying shrine knocked his true form back inside, making Fushiguro’s body look like his own again. Did it mean that they won? Did it mean…

“Everyone stays where they are.” Shoko commanded. “The group has already been sent there for confirmation.”

Yuji, who was standing for the past twenty minutes at least, turned around to face Shoko immediately after. “Send me.”

She shook her head. “They are already on the way. Ui Ui is with them, it will take literally several minutes, so…”

“No, you don’t understand.” He walked closer to her, not looking like himself. His steps were shaky and his voice was trembling. “You should have sent me. Send me now. I need to be there.”

“I don’t think…”

“Send me there.”

“Itadori Yuji.” Shoko raised her voice slightly, but it was enough to knock the boy back. “Sit down.”

Nobara stood up, but was quickly seated back by Maki. Zenin and Yuta were the ones who appeared next to their classmate, helping him up from both sides, like some ancient support pillars in a castle that was crumbling down. They didn’t say anything, cause there were simply no words that could had saved him from the pain covering him overhead like a tsunami. They all saw Megumi Fushiguro senseless on the floor. There was little to no words that could had erase this memory from his mind.

There was little to no words that could had erase this memory from their mind too.

Minutes went by so painfully slow it seemed they were all going out of their mind. The only thing that kept Kokichi sane was Miwa’s hand that he was holding in his like the most precious treasure in the world, and the fact that she was holding back on him with the same desperate need that he did too.

It was not more than five minutes when the sound of Ui Ui’s ability being activated echoed around the room. They saw all the sorcerers that were sent there as an investigation group, they saw Gojo Satoru leaning on Utahime heavily, like if she took a step to the side he would collapse on the ground lifeless. They saw Megumi’s body in a third year’s hands.

Shoko rushed in immediately.

“I’m fine.” Gojo breathed out. He didn’t sound fine at all. “Get the kid first. Whole chest is shuttered. Check the head too, I think he hit himself while falling. His body rejects my reversed cursed energy because of Sukuna inside.”

Yuji was there just as fast as Shoko. He couldn’t do anything, but he didn’t know where else he could be. He didn’t know where to put his hands, where to put his thoughts, where to put himself. Shoko swiped a hand from Fushiguro’s wrist up to his elbow. The shadow that covered her face right after made Kokichi shiver.  

“Yuta, with me.” Shoko gestured on a door and Megumi was immediately rushed in there. “I’ll need a hand in this.”

Okkotsu slipped though the door without saying a word. It closed right in Yuji’s face and he stumbled upon it like a lost puppy. He tried to push it even without turning the doorknob, like he suddenly forgot how doors work, and obviously didn’t succeed. It was enough to finally knock Itadoru down – he collapsed on the floor like a broken doll. Realisation hit him so hard it was painful to watch.

“Yuji,” Gojo called out. He didn’t react. Utahime met his eyes and nodded understandingly, helping Satoru closer to his student. She carefully let him sit down in front of Itadori and took several steps back, giving some space. “Itadori.”

The boy didn’t react at all.

“Itadori, look at me.” Gojo said again and this time Yuji looked back at him with dead tired eyes. Children shouldn’t had eyes like these, Kokichi thought to himself. None of them should. “We sealed him.”

Itadori whispered back, voice quiet and broken. “What?”

“He’s not gonna harm him again, you hear me, Yuji? We sealed him.” Satoru repeated. “Sukuna is sealed inside of Megumi’s body. He is not hurting him anymore.”

Yuji looked up with eyes full of tears. “Megumi… It doesn’t hurt?”

“No.” Gojo smiled. “It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

And it was enough to make Itadori Yuji wail like a child he was in his teacher’s hands, loud and painful.

And it was enough.

Chapter 14

Notes:

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!
Hope you are all having fun!! Take this chapter as a new year's gift ::)

Waking up was always troublesome for Megumi. Early trainings after all-nighters, Gojo banging on his door like a madman, classmates screaming in the background… He used to hide under his blanket, head covered with pillows, thinking that nobody would find him if he did so, but this habit disappeared through the years.

With Yuji it became easier to wake up: somehow he always ended up several steps ahead of their sensei, sneaking into Fushiguro’s room and letting him wake up at his own pace. It was nothing more than a friendly gesture, nothing more than a favour Megumi would end up returning someday, nothing more.

On some tiring days Megumi opened his eyes with Yuji resting his head on the side of his bed, so close to him that it felt painful. He had to remind himself that it was nothing more that a friendly gesture, a favour, a helping hand, and by spiralling about his own fucked up desires was awful with respect to Yuji. It was awful and horrible and disgusting, but the more time they spent together the more Fushiguro felt it inside of his head. And it was his living nightmare.

Yuji with his morning hair, Yuji with his cheeks bright red from the cold, Yuji with his fucking hoodies and his sneakers and his scars, wearing all of them so proudly yet so effortlessly, Yuji with Nobara’s lipstick mark on his forehead, Yuji with a smile on his face and in his eyes and in his hands, Yuji, Yuji, Yuji… Goddamn fucking hell.

Megumi never knew that love could make a person hate themselves so much.

Yuji was doing his best to be his friend, he saw that Fushiguro didn’t have a lot of them, probably, so he felt like he had to change it, he certainly did. Did he feel pitiful? Did he see the same face that Megumi saw every morning looking back at him from the mirror and thought that he just needed to save him? It didn’t matter anyway.

(yes it did.)

Yuji was trying his best to be a good friend and Megumi was so freaking ungrateful. Fushiguro was pretty sure he would end up burning in hell with all his thoughts and dreams and desires. Or maybe he already was?

He hid his head under a pillow again, feeling childishly resentful. Someone was banging on the door, but there was no cell in Fushiguro’s body that would move him out of his bed even for an inch. One day meant nothing in the whole picture of his life, he could have slept in today, there was no need to make such a great deal out of it! There was no answer, so the banging continued. Megumi turned to the opposite side and pressed a pillow to his ears even harder.

The banging was getting louder and louder and louder… until it stopped completely. Silence that came right after was so shockingly still that Fushiguro noted confusion covering him overhead like a heavy blanket. And then he felt someone’s hand brush his hair away from his eyes.

“Megumi,” the voice said, “you need to wake up.”

“I don’t want to.”

He felt a smile in person’s tone. “I know. But sometimes we need to do hard things that we don’t want to do, remember?”

“I did enough of these things already.” He breathed out, eyes still closed shut. “I deserve to rest.”

There was a moment of silence before the voice spoke again.

“Megumi,” it whispered. “You deserve to live.”

Suddenly, the voice became recognisable. Fushiguro opened his eyes, meeting a loving gaze of the face that he hadn’t seen so bright in a while. It was almost funny, he though to himself.

Looking close he and Tsumiki were actually pretty similar.

The light was so bright it made his eyes hurt. Megumi reached for Tsumiki’s hand, but somehow his fingers slipped right past it. He felt something tugging, not letting him move quite right, and he wanted to get it off himself, he wanted to get it off himself so badly it was pathetic, but the light was too bright and the room was too noisy and the walls were too white, and the walls of his room were never white to begin with… There was a moment of pure frustration before all the memories flood back into his mind all at once. Sukuna, his body giving in, Tsumiki, his friends, Gojo-sensei…

Oh shit.

Oh  s h i t.

The noise became distinguishing – steady beeping of some medical machines, cars outside of the window, steps and voices somewhere in the distance. Eyes started getting used to the lighting and Megumi saw that the walls actually weren’t so white – more peachy? Peachy like an early sunrise, like Nobara’s favourite shade of blush, like the hair of the boy that he was so desperately and hopelessly into.

The hair of the boy that was napping peacefully with his head on the side of Megumi’s bed.

Fushiguro never was strong enough for this. And now he wasn’t strong enough for this especially. So he reached his hand and he let fingers get lost in peach waves, going from the longer side to a spiky undercut and shaved sides… He wasn’t meant to be alive, was he? Gojo needed to kill Sukuna in order to make it all finally stop, so maybe he actually did? Maybe, it was all over for Megumi? Was it his personal hell then? Was it his personal heaven?

Yuji shifted a little, leaning into Fushiguro’s touch sleepily. Megumi scoffed, unable to hide a smile.

If it was death, he thought to himself, he begged for it to be kind enough to let him enjoy this moment at least a little bit longer. If it was death, it certainly didn’t take his words into account. Cause Yuji shifted again.

And opened his eyes, staring back at Megumi, suddenly not sleepy at all.

“Fushiguro…” he whispered.

Megumi felt a shiver go down his whole body on the way his surname was pronounced. Remember where you stand next to me, he felt it say, don’t you dare forget your place.

“Sorry.” He whispered back. He withdrew his hand so fast it seemed unnecessarily rushed. “I won’t do this again.”

Yuji didn’t seem to listen to his words. He was looking at Megumi with his eyes opened wide, and there was something in them that Fushiguro couldn’t quite grasp, couldn’t quite understand. Itadori seemed so pale and tired he could had been mistaken for a ghost.

“Fushiguro,” he said once again. “You’re alive.”

Megumi tried to shrug, but his shoulder got shot with a wave of sharp pain. “Don’t move!” Yuji screamed out. “Shoko stitched your chest back together, but you can’t move just yet! It’s dangerous!”

“I can work with dangerous.” Fushiguro smirked back, but the joke didn’t land at all. Yuji didn’t seem to find it funny.

They were just… there, looking at each other with such a heavy silence in between, and Megumi didn’t know if he should try to joke about it again or should he just wait for the tension to snap by itself, hurting both in ways they would never talk about. He gave it a lot of thoughts, to be honest, too many of them maybe, cause Yuji noticed his expression, reached for his hand, picked it up lightly…

And placed it back onto his head.

“You can do it again.” he said. “Please.”

Megumi couldn’t make himself move. “Don’t do this, Itadori. It’s cruel.”

He said it out loud, but there was little to no belief placed into his own words. Because it would have been considered cruel, if it was someone, literally anyone else, but it was Itadori, it was the most selfless and loving person Fushiguro had ever seen in his entire life. He wouldn’t do this to him. He would never do this to him.

And almost like a proof of that Yuji leaned closer to his hand, he let it slip slowly to his face, he let Megumi’s fingers cup his cheek in an absolutely not fucking friendly way, he looked back at him and there was so much love in his eyes Fushiguro felt a lump form in his throat.

“Don’t say stuff you don’t mean, Yuji.” His voice was trembling and it was pathetic how scared he was. “Because I will believe you.”

“I hope you will.” Itadori answered with no hesitation behind his words. “Don’t you dare “won’t do this again”, not after I almost lost you to that fucking monster!”

Megumi felt like Yuji sounded: placed right on edge very carefully, one move – and you can knock it off with no effort. It was dangerous, and yet Fushiguro decided to do it. He decided to knocked them both off.

“Come here.” He said, hand still cupping Yuji’s face.

And Yuji did.

He crawled into the hospital bed carefully, he placed himself next to Megumi and let his hands get lost in his hair. Fushiguro leaned in closer, being so-so sure it was just a dream, it must had been just a dream, it just couldn’t had been a reality. Cause there was no way there was a reality in which Yuji was clinging onto him so badly, in which he whispered something soft into his skin, in which he looked up just in time to catch Megumi’s lips with his.

“Yuji?” He said later, when Itadori’s face was tucked right under his chin.

“Yes?”

“Can’t promise I won’t do this again.” 

Itadori giggled and it felt ticklish against Megumi’s neck. He wanted to kiss him again. He wanted to kiss him again, again and again, till this dream starts feeling like a reality. Fushiguro moved a little, just enough to make space for another kiss, maybe the one that would last longer, that would make both of them shamingly flashed, maybe…

The door opened and it hit the wall so hard it made paintings on it tremble.

“Good morning, Megumi, you asshole!” someone screamed out. Fushiguro, who was unluckily facing the door, saw Nobara’s smile change in a matter of seconds. He was extremely happy to see her alive and well, he managed a smile even though the irritation of a broken moment hit him right in between the eyes, he really was happy to see her.

But maybe not the whole fucking school behind her shoulders.

“Nobara?” Yuta’s voice was patient and soft. “Maybe if you take a step forward we all can…”

“Oh my fucking god, Itadori?”

Yuji under his chin sighed, not moving even an inch away. “Good morning to you too, Kugisaki.”

“Nobara?”

“Back!” she screamed. “Everyone back up!”

“What do you mean back, we’ve just came!”

“Yeah, it looks like someone over there also have just came – out of somewhere or into...”

“What? I don’t see anything? Yuta, moveeee!”

“Panda that’s my leg!”

“Ouch!”

“I told you not to…”

“Megumiii, my dear!”

“Gojo-sensei, NO---"

***

The rooms they got placed into weren’t private in any way, shape or form, they had to share it between several people and it was considered a huge luck not to end up with someone who you couldn’t stand or saw for the first time. It was considered a huge luck to even have a moment to yourself in this mere resemblance of a bedroom, yet they still were here. Maki couldn’t believe her luck: to have a girl so speechlessly beautiful, so astonishingly smart and funny and strong and…

“Done! Dear, never have I ever thought that I would be sad over losing several kilos!”

Nobara prepped herself down next to Zenin. Last five minutes she spent moving furniture to the door so it ended up being fairly blocked. Maki tried to volunteer, but was put back in her place so fast she suddenly remembered how this redhead got her eyes on herself in the first place. Even after losing an extreme amount of weight in recovery, she was still so-so strong in ways Zenin could never imagine her own self succeeding.

It must had been written all over her face, all these worries, cause Kugisaki reached her hand out and snapped Maki’s forehead with her index finger.

“Ouch.”

“Helped?”

Zenin felt a smile shining through. “Maybe.”

“Liar.”

Kugisaki took her shoes off and got cross-legged onto the bed facing Maki. Zenin was escaping her eyes professionally for the past half an hour that they spent alone and was dedicated to continue doing so. Nobara was smart, smart in a lot of ways, and especially smart when it came to interpersonal relationships. It seemed like she always felt everything that wasn’t being said, everything that was lost in context by accident, everything that was left out on purpose. In contrast to Maki, she was so goddamn good in all this people stuff it must had been painful to watch them interact to each other.

It seemed that absence of eye contact didn’t affect Nobara’s plans at all. “Tell me.”

Maki shrugged. It was hard to explain everything that was going on inside her head. It was never a pleasant place to be in and the war didn’t help it in a slightest. Her lifelong goal could had been keeping Kugisaki as far away from the darkness unfolding there as it was humanly possible, but Nobara obviously had different ideas about how it should go. Even when being faced with the darkest things from the depth of Zenin’s mind, she had never flinched. She was there for her despite everything and anything in the world, and Maki could never quite comprehend what she did to deserve it.

“If you don’t want to talk, it’s okay.” Kugisaki shrugged back. “I just want you to know that I’m still here for you when you will be ready to talk, okay?”

So many things had changed in the past several weeks: places, people, clans, goddammit, they even changed the history, yet she was still there. Like nothing happened. Like everything stayed the same. Like they stayed the same.

Maki knocked off her shoes and mirrored Nobara’s pose. She got a tiny bit closer, just a tiny bit, letting their knees slightly touch, cause it felt like she would fold immediately if there would be no physical contact at all.

“I’m scared.” Zenin breathed out.

Nobara tilted her head slightly. “What are you scared of?”

That you would see me the way I see myself.

“While you were… gone… everything changed so much. A lot of things happened.” Maki was looking down on her hands like it would save her from these eyes looking straight into her soul. “They changed me.”

From the first touch of flames on her skin, from the second pain finally stopped, from the moment Shoko kneeled next to her, from the way someone was holding her hand while she was still breathing, and to dark blood on her hands, to scars and bruises and wounds, to the weight of Mai’s dead body in her hands…

Zenin smiled and the smile came out more desperate than it was supposed to be. “They call me a monster, yknow.”

“Oh fuck them.”

Maybe, Maki thought to herself, maybe you wouldn’t say this if you knew what happened in Zenin’s mansion. Maybe you wouldn’t think this way if you saw me during a battle, saw me covered in blood, saw me holding my dead sister in my hands, saw me the way I see myself in the mirror every day I wake up. Maybe then, she thought, maybe then you would call me a monster too. And surely I wouldn’t have a heart to judge you for this.

“It’s not like they are wrong…”

“No shit they are wrong!” Nobara spitted back. “Instead of accepting that they are shaking in their boots, they decide to put a blame on people who were actually doing something. Instead of taking accountability for damaging the children of their own blessed and hopeful generation they make them a problem. You should remember well enough that their monstrosity radars work as shit – they called Yuji a monster. They called Yuta one too.”

“They weren’t wrong calling Toji Zenin a monster.”

“Toji Zenin was a fucking asshole to begin with. You can’t compare you two.”

Maki was picking on her fingers so hard she started seeing blood coming out of the cracks. “But they do.” She whispered. “They say I am him. I am Toji Zenin of our generation. It’s only a matter of time when I… snap. And I did snap, you know? When Mai stopped breathing, I did snap.”

Nobara reached out and lightly separated Maki’s hands to stop her from hurting herself.

“She told me to stop it, to destroy everything. I knew she told me, I saw her telling me, but they didn’t believe me. No one believed me.” She looked up to meet Kugisaki’s eyes for the first time since they were left alone. “I killed them all with these hands, you know?”

Kugisaki didn’t answer straight away like she usually did. Instead, she moved Maki’s hands closer to herself, looking over them attentively: palms, fingers, wrists… She spent a good moment silently studying them till she spoke again.

“Well, I see nice hands here. Pretty ones, I would say, maybe in need of some good moisturising cream, but it’s just my personal opinion.” Maki’s face must had stayed the same color of true blue, cause Nobara sighed and intertwined their fingers together. “I see hands that held me when I was crying so bad I couldn’t breathe. I see hands that helped Yuta up so many times they lost count of it. I see hands that got their friends, hands that save people, hands that inspire everyone. Hands that fight honestly and love fully.”

Maki felt a lump in her throat. “They say I was the one who killed Mai.”

“With these hands you carried her back.” Nobara left a light kiss on Zenin’s bruised knuckles. “I know these hands would never hurt people they love.”

“I killed people.” She whispered.

“You can’t blame yourself for the things you did to stay alive. It was war, Maki.” Kugisaki answered. “We should have never been a part of it in the first place.”

Zenin couldn’t believe these words. Yes, she heard the same things from Yuta already, she heard them from Panda, she heard them from Shoko and the higher-ups, she even heard them from Noritoshi Kamo… she heard them a lot, but hearing Nobara say them finally made it all feel real. It took her a moment to realise she was crying.

“It… doesn’t bother you?” Maki asked. “All the stories, whispers, all the… all the scars?”

“Nope.” Nobara smiled. “Personally, I would say that the latter is actually hot as fuck if you allow me to call it this way.”

Maki laughed. She laughed and the tears doubled in amounts, she had to take her hands back from Kugisaki to try to wipe them away, but they were coming and coming and coming. She was shaking and sobbing and at some point she found herself in Nobara’s arms, face pressed to her neck, trembling and crying like a child she was never allowed to be. The cracks on her fingers were bleeding, and the tears were pinching fresh scratches on her face, and everything inside hurt so badly she felt like she was being torn apart.

Nobara held her in her arms till the storm had passed. She wiped her tears away, she bandaged her fingers and kissed her scarred face like it was just the same as before. She let her stay around in silence as long as she needed to, with her legs on her lap and her head on her shoulder. When Maki was finally being able to speak again, she couldn’t find the words that would be suitable enough to describe all the gratitude that was blooming inside of her heart. She couldn’t find anything that would be great enough. She couldn’t comprehend that she herself was somehow good enough without any special words.

“Nobara?”

“Maki?”

“When it’s all over, after I graduate,” Maki said, “would you want to… live with me?”

She felt Nobara freeze for a second, so she kept talking, hoping to stop a terrifying feeling of a possible rejection growing inside. “Maybe. It’s okay if you would not, it’s totally fine. But if you would, we could find an apartment together. Something small, with a nice kitchen and a little hall with big windows. We can put a sofa in there for someone to crash on, Yuji and Megumi for example, maybe Yuta when he’s in town. I think it could be… nice. It’s okay if you don’t, though, you don’t have to…”

“Maki.”

“Yes?”

Kugisaki looked into her eyes with the straightest face ever possible. “I will marry you.”

“What?” Maki looked back at her, unable to hide a smile. “What do you mean by that will?”

Kugisaki shrugged and offered her a headphone to share. Zenin accepted immediately.

Someone was banging on the blocked door of the room. Kugisaki was tracing her scars with her fingers. There was Iris playing in their headphones.

“Nobara?”

“Yes?”

I will marry you too.

***

Kokichi couldn’t sleep. He was roaming through the halls in desperate search of anything to get himself busy with, but there seemed to be nothing worth his attention, so he ended up on a couch in an empty main room, looking into a broken window. There was little to no glass inside and a windowsill was hanging onto its dear life, but somehow seeing it like that brought Muta peace. It was almost too broken, almost beyond repair, but still holding on, still doing its job even though doing it poorly. Now, after the biggest fight was over, there was nothing that could had ruin an instable in-between state of this cursed window. It was broken, but war was over. It was broken, but safe.

They were broken but safe.

Despite the Culling Game closing its doors and evaporating together with Kenjaku only hours before, some citizens were already on the way back to their houses. For the first night from the beginning of that hell noises from outside the window didn’t make Kokichi’s hands shake violently. He still felt on the edge, like it couldn’t had been true – that they won, but this state was written off as a trauma response. Oh dear god, when it would be finally over, he would spend all his loads of savings onto therapy just to stop fucking trembling all the time.

When it would be over for everyone or when it would be over for him?

Unfortunately, these two events certainly wouldn’t take place on the same date. The war ended for sure, but even considering all the works around and on consequences of it, there was no way Kokichi Muta was getting out of there just as fast as everyone else did. It was a harsh truth that he had to accept in order to maintain at least some resemblance of peace inside: when everyone would finally be able to go, he would still stay there. When everyone would finally move on, he would still stay trapped. How funny it was that Muta was actually so freaking frustrated over it? How lucky he was to experience life during these past weeks more than he ever had during his whole life, and experience it so deeply and lovingly, that now he just couldn’t open up his palm and let it go. How lucky he was to be so alive the absence of emotions finally felt strange?

“Oh.” He heard someone stop in the doorway. “Hi. Didn’t know you’re here.”

Miwa was wearing the same clothes they all have been wearing for days now. Her hair was neatly braided, untouched by sleep, and Kokichi caught himself questioning how could he miss her roaming hallways if he was up all night? Did she stay in her room, talking to the girls, or did she go to Shoko’s office to take some sleeping pills? Or did she, maybe, come to the hall cause she had a feeling that she would find him there?

“Couldn’t sleep.” Kokichi shrugged.

“Me neither.” She contemplated entering for a second. “Can I join you?”

Muta couldn’t help but smile. How in the whole world could she even thought about asking him that when he would give all the money he had for her to just stay by his side?

“Of course.”

She took a sit next to him, a distance respectful enough for friendly matters, but almost physically hurting for Kokichi who craved their touch insanely. He didn’t say anything, though, he would never say anything. He considered himself lucky enough to just have Kasumi around, it was greedy to ask for anything more than that.

Miwa seemed stressed. Now, when sitting near, Muta could have said that her eyes were a bit red, and her posture felt weird – it was unusual for such a sun like her to hunch so much. It looked like her arms tried to instinctively wrap themselves around her torso, but were made to stop halfway by force. Kokichi was bad with words, bad with social cues and bad with people in general, so he couldn’t help but keep his mouth shut. What Kokichi was never considered to be was strong enough for that.

He reached his hand and tucked a lost blue hair strand behind Miwa’s ear. Kasumi smiled, but didn’t look back.

“She died this evening,” she said eventually. “My grandma. They say it was a heart attack, she never had a great heart, especially with all this sorcery stress she had…”

“I never knew she was a sorcerer.”

Miwa shook her head. “She wasn’t.”

There was a silence that hanged over them like a heavy black cloud. What could you say after someone you care deeply about announces the death of a family member? Kokichi didn’t know, couldn’t know anyhow to begin with – he had never had a family in the first place. He never had a mother tuck him in bed, never had his first shaving routine with a father, never had any brothers or sisters to fight for toys with. He had never experienced family before, so this whole situation was extremely uncomfortable to him. But Miwa had.

And the least he could do is try to be there for her in his own broken yet selfless ways.

“How… was she?”

Kasumi didn’t comprehend a question. She blinked several times and took her eyes from the floor up to Muta’s face. “What?”

“You know, as a person. You seemed to spent a lot of time with her.” Miwa nodded slightly. “Then tell me what kind of person she was.”

Miwa blinked again and it looked like it took her a universal amount of energy to keep herself from crying. Kokichi offered his hand and she took it, intertwining their fingers without thinking. And then she talked.

She talked about favourite colours and foods, about a small kitchen in a countryside with a kettle with a broken handle that was always too hot to touch, about foxes sneaking around at night and bedtime stories with real people in them. She talked about flowers and vegetables, about a huge garden and minor cursed spirits digging strawberries out in summer. Her grandmother used to go around with a broom, scaring them all away, and never thought about it as something strange. She was never a sorcerer, but enrolled Miwa in anyway.

“She never liked it, you know,” Kasumi sobbed, “all the sorcery stuff. She always told me this, that she didn’t like it, but now when I remember it I can’t think about anything else but how lonely she must have been to come to a conclusion like this.”

Kokichi was listening to Miwa like she was the only thing he ever needed to hear. Her hand was cold in his. It was trembling.

“Can you imagine being the only one in your whole family to see curses? Can you imagine living eighty years before meeting someone like you and when you finally do, you see that they can have it differently. Can you imagine seeing a child of yours having a life you could have never even dreamed about having?” she let out a quick laugh and it came out so sharp it made her cry. “She told me she never needed it, but she never told me why. She said she didn’t like it, but she never told me why. And I never asked! I never asked, because I assumed there would always be a better moment for it, a better day, a better week… I’ve never asked, and she grew up alone, and she grew old alone, there was no one on her side to help her, to tell her she wasn’t crazy, to show her that there were other people like her. There was no one to show her it was okay.”

Teardrops left wet marks on Kasumi’s shirt. She was sobbing and sobbing and sobbing and at some point Kokichi saw himself reaching out and hugging her tightly. Miwa gripped his shoulders in return, shaking with all her body.

“How can I live my life knowing I have everything she have ever wanted to have?”

“Proudly.”

Miwa looked up at him. This answer must had taken her by surprise, cause she froze for a good second. “…what?”

“You can live proudly.” He repeated easily. “I am not an expert in families, of course, but how can you live anyhow but proudly knowing that you brought her the peace she was searching for?”

Kasumi was staring.

“There is less loneliness in shared pain, but there is more pain in shared loneliness.” Kokichi said. “There is comfort in knowing that the pain you bear is shared, but seeing your closest people struggle because of it brings you nothing but distress. Your grandmother certainly wouldn’t be happy to see you repeat the cycle that damaged her life. She might have been overprotective when it came to the subject, but I am sure that seeing you get out brought her peace.”

Blue eyes in front of him were filled with so many emotions Kokichi couldn’t quite figure out the whole theme. He was scared that he said too much, got too deep into personal stuff, touched some parts of the subject that were not meant to be touched by strangers, did something that could have upset Miwa in general. He was looking back at her, almost as scared as a small animal in front of the bigger one, and it took him quite some time to understand that Kasumi, actually, was asking him a question.

“Kokichi?”

He stopped his own spiralling thoughts by force. “Mmh?”

“Do you think she was mad at me for leaving?”

“I don’t know her.” Muta answered honestly. “But if you got at least a part of your character from her, then I might as well assume that she wasn’t. How could she be mad that her child, even generation after, finally got a chance to be free?”

Miwa didn’t answer. She hid her face in his shoulder, and like this the conversation was over.

There was something special in a way Kasumi’s shoulders stopped trembling so hard when being covered with his hands, something special in how comfortable she felt rubbing her nose against nis neck, something extremely blindingly special in how she giggled when he placed a light kiss somewhere on her temple. It was getting late to the point where waking up in the morning would have been a real problem, and if Kokichi could let himself go through the struggles of having less than two hours of sleep, he could have never put Miwa through this.

He wanted to tell that they should head back to the rooms when Kasumi knocked her shoes off and casually brought her legs up the sofa. There was no words shared in between them, and it felt safe this way, it felt nice. They would have to talk eventually, Muta knew it and he had some thoughts that Miwa shared this feeling too, but maybe not now, maybe when the adrenalin finally gets out of their system, maybe when they scrape the dust off their bodies completely, maybe when all the wounds heal, maybe, maybe, maybe…

Holding Miwa in his hands did wonders for his sleep schedule. He didn’t feel exhausted before, he felt on edge, he felt like pulling an all-nighter and surviving on pure caffeine the next day, but as soon as Kasumi lied down next to him everything seemed to change. The way he could hear her breath slowly, her hands by his sides, the smell of her hair – everything worked like a magic spell on his system, and closing his eyes didn’t feel like a torture anymore.

Kokichi could have sworn that seconds before falling into deep long-awaited sleep, he felt Miwa brush away his bangs lightly.

And place a gentle kiss on his forehead.

Chapter 15

Notes:

CW: underage drinking, illegal alcohol, drinking problems, vomiting.

“Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot!”

Liquor burnt his throat painfully. Todo friendly slapped his back several times, screaming something about the true power of the lost ones. Everyone was shouting, but the music in a club was so loud it was impossible to understand the words. Mai on his side scrunched her nose funnily – a piece of lemon accompanying her tequila was eaten whole in one bite. Kokichi couldn’t help but laugh. Did he also look so fucking hilarious or was it just alcohol in his blood playing games? Mai seemed to notice it, cause she reached out and tried to knock him off of a tall barstool. They laughed together as another round of shots were being poured on the table.

Kokichi Muta from three hours ago couldn’t even imagine that his night would take such a drastic turn in a matter of seconds. It all started, as everything spectacular always does, in a girls’ room around eight in the evening.

“We have been running errands for them all day!” Nobara whined. “I mean, of course it’s a part of our studying, but, like, cmon, it’s a full work day and we’re not even getting paid!”

Maki hummed in return, not bothering to get a head up from her girlfriend’s lap. It took Muta one look to get extremely jealous of such an openly displayed affection. He couldn’t even dream about it for now, he couldn’t even allow himself to dream about something like that – even that feeling of jealousy came hand-in-hand with an extreme guilt for being such a selfish prick. Miwa was sitting on the floor in the other side of the room, looking at Momo's phone attentively. They were editing pics for Nishimiya’s Instagram and both looked a tiny bit too serious for the thing they were busy doing.

Feeling his gaze on herself, Kasumi looked up. When their eyes met, she gifted him a soft smile before going back to business. When Kokichi woke up this morning, there was no trace of Miwa left in the hall. She must had been a professionally trained ninja, cause there was no way she escaped him not once, but twice – and he wasn’t even a heavy sleeper! God, he really was selfish, wasn’t he?

“Don’t worry,” Mai said. “I heard your guy talking to Utahime-san. I think they’re gonna send us all back to our chambers tomorrow.”

Everyone went silent for a second before going back to talking. Maki turned around to face her sister. “What do you mean?”

Mai obviously wasn’t ready for another Zenin answering something that wasn’t exactly targeted at her, but survived a heavy eye contact bravely. “They are going to send us back to our schools. Like, us back in Kyoto and you back to your place. For now, at least, I didn’t understand much more.”

“No way.” Nobara breathed out. “No way!” She tried to roll Maki off her knees in a hurry. “Get up, get up, get up!”

“Why would I get up?”

“Cause we’re going out!”

Maki looked back at her with a face that couldn’t be considered excited at all. “We are?”

“Obviously!” Kugisaki finally succeeded and Zenin was left to lie down on the bed alone, looking unsatisfied to a humanly possible maximum. “It’s the last night we are all here together, of course we’re going out!”

The word spread like a plague. One second it was Nobara getting excited and Momo putting her phone away, the other – Yuji breaking in with Yuta in one hand, Megumi in another and a happy grin on his face. Somehow it all started spinning around: people, faces, plans, someone exiting and entering, conversations sparkling in every part of the room, unexpected groups being formed… An hour flew by in minutes, and for some unknown reason Kokichi, who didn’t fancy clubs at all, ended up squeezed in between Inumaki and Noritoshi in a taxi that was heading to another part of Tokyo. Mai in the front seat passed them a bottle of vodka and Kamo took it without thinking.

It was one pregaming activity, another, the other one, illegally obtained alcohol flowing like water, taxis arriving one by one to a club’s doors, Nobara sharing hugs with security like old friends, them all entering with no questions and absolutely no ID’s… Fucking hell, it was only eight on the clock when it all started, how the fuck was it already past eleven?

“I never thought I’d see you drink!” Mai screamed right in his ear.

“I never thought I’d see myself drink too!” Kokichi screamed back and they started wheezing-laughing like crazy.

Their taxi arrived one of the first ones and now they were cursed to keep taking shots at the bar till everyone else arrived. It all had this extreme tone of weird: nobody asked them for documents and Muta didn’t see anyone pay for anything at all. They were just drinking, laughing and looking at the same time way too young for a place like that and just young enough for an activity like that. Maki in the background was being led to a dancefloor by Nobara, and if Kokichi focused well enough he could distinguish other familiar faces in a crowd. Still, there was one particular taxi missing. Well, it was a perfectly regular taxi, but the fact that Miwa was supposed to be there made it a whole lot more special for Muta.

“If you don’t make a move tonight I’m going to throw myself out of the window!” Mai shouted.

Kokichi grimaced. “We’re underground.”

“Can you imagine how tired I am to throw myself out of the window of a fucking basement?”

Muta didn’t feel pissed quite yet, even though he drank the same amount that Zenin did. Maybe it had something to do with his body still being in regeneration mode since he was brought back, or maybe it was just a realisation of his own high alcohol tolerance? Unfortunately, he couldn’t ask Utahime about that and would never have guts to do so in the future, so it was destined to remain a mystery. The fact that they all sneaked out with no problems made Muta feel a little suspicious about teachers’ unawareness, but that was destined to remain a mystery as well, at least for the next several hours.

They shared a bar counter with Maki and Kamo, all waiting for alcohol to kick in just enough for them to follow their classmates to a dancefloor. Nobara tried to get them several times, but all with no success, so now she was too busy dancing her heart out side by side with her friends. Kokichi smiled just by looking at them. Was it how their teenage years were supposed to go? Was it how they should had been feeling?

There was a movement by his side, and he noticed blond hair in two signature ponytails near.

“I’m also happy to see you, dear!” Mai smiled, letting Momo hug the shit out of her. Kokichi smirked and Zenin shoved a middle finger in his face, turning both herself and her girlfriend away from him. If Momo was already there…

Kokichi followed the crowd with his eyes and finally found the person he was looking for.

Miwa was standing in colorful lights and her shoulders were embraced by Yuji. Being friends with Momo, she also came in a different outfit – if Muta wasn’t mistaken, they were late cause they went roaming around a destroyed mall with Nobara, but she somehow still made it out to the club first – and oh god that skirt could had been the death of him. Short, but still just in Kasumi’s style, a cropped blue top with puffed sleeves, big earrings, boots on a little heel and a bottle of whiskey in her hands… If he wasn’t already head over heels for this girl, he would fall in love over and over again just by seeing her around. Yuji found Nobara in a crowd, so he carefully let go of Miwa. They exchanged some words before he disappeared on a dancefloor. Kokichi felt his body slowly slip off a barstool, like he couldn’t wait to take a step forward, like he couldn’t wait to…

“Isn’t it my love?” he saw Yuta shove some men around like it was nothing. He literally jumped Miwa, hugging her tight. Kasumi laughed, hitting his shoulder playfully. Muta didn’t hear any words anymore, the music was too loud to reveal the conversation to him, but not loud enough to stop him from hearing his own teeth grinding.

Yuta kissed both of her cheeks, took the bottle from her hands and asked her to make a spin. Miwa happily span around, letting her skirt and hair float, and got all red being praised by everyone around for her outfit. She deserved the attention, Kokichi thought to himself, she looked gorgeous, but a part of him still felt itchy and uneasy. Maybe, it was all games? Maybe, there was nothing behind these moments they shared? Maybe he mistaken a friendly gesture for something bigger, letting his own delusions destroy their friendship? Was he wrong all over again?

He couldn’t let himself move. Inumaki helped Kasumi get her hair off an earring where it got stuck, Megumi held her hand when she tripped over someone’s foot, Yuta tried to pull her inside of Tokyo dancing circle. Kokichi saw how she smiled, reached over to Okkotsu… and snapped his forehead with her index finger. He ouched and everyone laughed, and it was just enough time for Miwa to get off the dancefloor safely. She was searching for someone, gaze jumping from one bar to another, from one group of people to another, until their eyes finally met. Kasumi’s face bloomed with a happy smile and suddenly a knot inside of Muta’s heart got undone in a matter of seconds.

Miwa rushed in and literally run into his hands, wrapping her arms around his torso. She smelled like flower perfume and whiskey, and Kokichi couldn’t help but feel the need to kiss her again and again and again. Was he actually so selfish or was it just alcohol acting out? Was it both of the things? Neither?

“I’m so happy to see you!” she smiled.

Kokichi couldn’t look away from her smiling face. “You look beautiful.”

Miwa’s face flashed bright red. “Nothing special, just Momo’s efforts. Also Nobara did my makeup, and my heels aren’t quite steady, and the skirt is…”

“You look beautiful.” He repeated.

It was just enough for Kasumi to hide her face back into his shoulder, muttering some muffled thank-yous. He giggled, fingers brushing though her long hair. It was painfully obvious that all of Kyoto school was looking at them, but Kokichi honestly couldn’t care less about it. Being seen with Miwa was the highest honour for him, and none of the silly jokes could ever change that fact.

Unfortunately, they couldn’t spend all evening being in each other’s hands, so he had to let go of Kasumi for his own good. She slipped though his hands, but didn’t go far – they were still touching elbows while sitting at the bar, and even though it was really loud in there, they still managed to have a decent conversation all together. If it was real life that they were actively missing out on, then Kokichi might had felt even a little but pitiful towards himself. He had never drank before, so now he fully bathed in a feeling of relaxation that alcohol had brought to him. It wasn’t healthy in any way, shape or form, but he took another cocktail and he was determined to do this again and again, until he forgets everything that happened during the Culling Game, everything that happened before in Shibuya, everything that happened the day and the moment he died…

Miwa got tipsy after one cocktail. She was laughing with Mai, every now and then reaching over to squeeze Kokichi’s hand. It was a perfect evening for him, with no worries and no thoughts, only people he loved around laughing, only Kasumi trying to find a better way to stay as close to him as it was humanly possible. He would lower the music a little, it was way too loud, but it was a club in the end of the day, people came here to dance. Well, normal people came here to dance, everyone else was sat at the bar, drinking themselves to death.

It was so fast Muta didn’t catch it at all, but at some point Nobara came out of nowhere and snatched all the girls with her. Miwa ouched something, but no protest were allowed. Kokichi watched as the crowd swallowed his friends, leaving him alone with colorful lights, loud music and an empty bar. Even Noritoshi disappeared somewhere. The sudden silence was too loud, bringing back thoughts that Muta was running away from so desperately, so he reached for Mai’s drink and decided to finish it too.

“Wow,” someone’s voice rang in his ears. “That’s… unhealthy.”

He turned over to see a person speaking, but there was no one behind him at all. When he took his eyes back to the bar, there was Angel sitting down on a chair where Miwa sat only moments ago. Well, it wasn’t Angel, it was wrong to call them this way outside of their jujutsu plans, but somehow it felt almost impossible to call them by their own name. It felt almost impossible, but Muta tried anyway.

“Hana, am I right?”

“Yep!” They leaned it closer and put another straw into Mai’s drink shamelessly. “And you are the dead boy, am I right?”

Oh well, he could have stuck with Angel anyway.

“I have a name.” he frowned.

“Of course a dead boy has a name!” Angel smiled. “Kokichi Muta, we’ve heard a lot about you!”

They leaned in to take a sip of a drink he was holding. Being a gentleman he was, Muta tried to move a glass closer to them, but they moved it back to its place immediately. Something in their eyes was unreadable for Kokichi, something he couldn’t quite figure out because of the lights and music and alcohol. One and only thing he could figure, was that Angel didn’t come with any harmful intent, so he just let the situation slide as it was sliding.

“Mmh, guess I am kind of famous after all.”

Angel leaned in and prepped their elbow on the counter. “You definitely are. Not often someone so cute comes back to life.”

He didn’t understand what exactly Angel wanted from that conversation. They were sitting pretty close to him, knees touching, and now with a hand on the counter they seemed to be almost on top of his head. Muta didn’t enjoy it, but also didn’t have anything against it. If they were getting closer by their own desire, then he would tolerate it until it would finally get to a point when that closure would end up being disturbing. He was facing Angel, but his eyes were focused on familiar blue hair moving on a dancefloor.

Maki reached to Kasumi and hold her hand in the air, letting her spin around like a princess. They both laughed and everyone seemed so happy Kokichi felt something tug painfully deep under his heart. Angel said something that he didn’t quite hear, then they said something again, and only when they tapped his hand lightly he was finally able to take his eyes away from Miwa.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

Angel somehow looked at the same time surprised, offended and in awe. “Wow, boy, you are, like, six feet deep into this shit, aren’t you?”

“What… Sorry, what do you mean?”

There was a mouth opening on Hana’s cheek: “Leave it, Kurusu, it’s pathetic to watch.”

“Tch, give me a second!” they hissed back, and then took their eyes on Kokichi again. “I’m gonna ask one and only time, cause I don’t like wasting my time. Muta,” Angel said. “Why is your girl alone on a dancefloor?”

His girl? Did they mean Miwa? Well, if they did, Miwa wasn’t his girl, she had never been his girl and they didn’t have any arrangements about her being his girl in near future, so…

“Oh, she’s not… she is not my girl. I don’t know where did you get it from, but tour source is wrong.”

Angel didn’t look convinced. “My source is my fucking eyes, dude.” They looked at the dancefloor and Kokichi unintentionally followed their eyes too. “I don’t like agreeing with rude stuff they say, but that’s really pathetic.”

“I don’t know what are you talking about.” Kokichi said.

“You are such a bad liar. I am not surprised they caught you fast enough to bring you back to life, tsk.”

Miwa felt his eyes on herself and waved back happily. Kokichi smiled and returned the gesture.

“Wow, like, really-really pathetic.”

They were being rude and honest and most importantly true, so Muta snapped back without noticing. “Are you here to drink or what?”

“I am.” They shrugged. “But I also can help some pathetic dudes out of their pathetic situations. You know, I am kind of an expert in pathetic, my long-lasting crush turned out to be gay, so…”

Kokichi actually didn’t understand why they were there. Maybe, Fushiguro asked them to come, but he certainly didn’t instruct them to come and bother a random Kyoto student to death. So, why were they here, sitting so close, with their knees still touching Muta’s, with this effortless drink-sharing, this weird looks, and… Oh god. Oh god.

“Do you want your girl to be actually yours or?”

Muta slowly turned his eyes back to Angel. “Wait, were you flirting with me?”

“We’re not talking about failing attempts here, Kokichi, do you or do you not want to?”

He shrugged. “It doesn’t matter what I want. If she needs more time, I will give her more time. I can wait for however long it’s needed.”

“Yeah, but fortunately there are people who just can’t stand looking at it anymore, jeez!”

Miwa looked at him and smiled. Kokichi was just ready to wave back at her again, when Angel took his chin with two fingers, touch so light it was almost unnoticed, and yanked his face back to themselves, movement not so light but still graceful. He was met with deep green eyes, so close their noses almost touched.

“What are you…”

“Shut up and smile.” They whispered.

“I am not…”

Angel giggled, crossing their legs and putting a hand on his knee. They turned his head to the side a little bit, getting closer and whispering some nonsence. It was nothing, it really was nothing, but the presence of a person he didn’t know so well made him nervous. It wasn’t nice nervous, the type of nervous he got when Miwa lightly touched his hand or put her head on his shoulder, no, it was a very different nervous and it made him a little dizzy. Angel was so close they almost touched torses, and only the thought of touching their breast by accident made Muta’s face flush like a lighter.

They must had noticed something, cause they giggled again and pressed a quick kiss on Kokichi’s cheek. “I accept gratitude in cash and card. For the future.”

Muta wanted to ask them what the fuck was it about. Not only the latter, everything in general! They knew he was into someone else, why would they behave this way? In his head it was so rude and unpleasant and bad, that he himself felt bad for engaging in this type of activity. He really wanted to ask, but as soon as he opened his mouth he felt someone’s hands wrap around his waist from behind. For some reason, he didn’t flinch. He recognised the touch of a person immediately, and it flicked a switch in his demeanour in a matter of seconds.

“Oh, hi!” Hana’s smile was wide and absolutely not friendly. “Didn’t notice you there, little one.”

Kokichi turned his head a little and froze in place. The expression on Miwa’s face was so unique he had never thought she was capable of putting on one like that. She looked back at Angel, brows frowning and lips pressed into a tight line, her eyes scanned them from head to toes and nothing in her blue eyes was even slightly friendly. Without saying a word, she took Angel’s hand from Muta’s thigh and put it back on the counter, before turning him around and smiling like Absolutely Nothing Just Happened.

“Hi.”

Kokichi wasn’t sure if it was actually happening right now or he was just hallucinating from alcohol intoxication. Miwa was jealous? Miwa was so jealous she crossed the whole dancefloor just to appear next to him with nothing to say? Just to be here? Oh shit, he was smiling, and the smile was so wide and wild it was impossible to hide it. It was bad that he felt so happy over it, right? It was purest of manipulations, a really bad one, and he was a part of it, and it was bad, it was wrong, he never should had been so goddamn happy about the fact that it worked!

But here he was, smiling and feeling pleasantly lightheaded, with Miwa in between his thighs and her hands on his waist. He took a quick glance at Angel. They already were on their way to a dancefloor with Mai’s cocktail in their hands. Meeting eyes, they saluted him with a glass and screamed again: “Cash and card, bestie! Cash and card!”

What a sneaky little shit, Kokichi thought. He should ask Megumi for their contacts and send them a gift for an upcoming New Year. Yeah, he definitely should.

“Hi Miwa.” Kokichi looked back at Kasumi, and as soon as their eyes met her face seemed to relax a bit. “Having fun?”

She nodded. “It’s nice. I feel a little sick though.”

“Do you want to go outside?”

“No.” she said. “Can you just hold me?”

Kokichi stopped trying to hide his smile. It was a useless waste of good energy. He was too drunk to care that Kasumi might notice something, might understand. So he just opened his arms and let her come even closer, pressing herself to his body with no space left.

It was nice. Holding Miwa in his hands was always nice, but there was something special in holding her in front of all these people, during a huge party, under these bright colorful lights, with all this music in the background and all this alcohol in his system. He slipped off the barstool slowly, not on purpose, certainly not on purpose, obviously not for Kasumi to be able to tuck her nose comfortably into his neck. God, he was so weak for her, he was so goddamn weak. His hands found their way into her hair, slowly passing long strands of it in-between fingers. Miwa hummed in return and pressed her lips to bare skin of his neck.

Kokichi Muta was extremely drunk and extremely in love. He felt like he was about to collapse under her hands, like he was about to kiss every part of her face, her beautiful eyes, her cheeks with peachy blush on top of healing scar Mahito left her, her forehead, chin, lips…

“Kokichi?”

“Yes?”

“Can I do something incredibly stupid?”

He felt his hands tremble. “Of course you can.”

Miwa stepped closer and Kokichi found his back pressed into a counter. She looked into his eyes, searching for approval, and dear god there was nothing but approval inside. It looked like everything he could had ever dreamt about. The music in the background was so loud, and the lights were so chaotic, and his head was spinning, and he wanted to kiss a girl he loved so badly it hurt. Kasumi slid her hand up his torso slowly, outlined collarbones with her fingertips, got her hand on his neck. Kokichi closed his eyes, feeling her getting closer, and closer and closer… He waited for a kiss so badly, but…

There was no kiss coming.

Instead, he felt a light touch of Kasumi’s lips on his neck. And then he got extremely grateful for a counter behind his back, cause he would definitely collapse without a proper support. Cause Miwa didn’t kiss him. She aimed for his neck.

And she sucked on his skin.

He never thought about his love in that way, it seemed wrong for him to consider a girl something sexual if they weren’t even in a relationship, especially if the girl in question was Miwa, who he felt so strongly about it was almost poetic. And he was doing so freaking great with managing his thoughts, his hormones and his desires, he would never allow even a single picture slide in his headspace. It was something prohibited, something that was allowed only if the person allowed it officially, better with words, if they talked about it, if they were officially together, if blah-blah-blah.

His head felt heavy. His body felt hot. He wanted to kiss Kasumi in a way that he had never felt so strongly before.

Miwa pulled back only to place a kiss on a pulsating mark. And then another one, higher up, and another one on the edge of his jawline. Muta held her close by her waist, and he tried his best not to pull her even closer. Another kiss on a cheek, another in the corner of his mouth. His breath was heavy, and he leaned into her lips like a lost soul. It was embarrassing, he was ready to beg, he felt like whining, but still didn’t kiss her first. Miwa cupped his cheek lightly, she slid a thumb across his lips, stopping on the lower one. Her eyes were foggy and she looked like Kokichi felt. There was eternity in-between every move, it must had been a whole eternity, not less, but Muta was ready to wait for how long it was needed. They both were drunk to the point of not thinking, but not to the point of not caring, so he cared and he cared deeply. He would never allow himself to make a move that might end up being too much.

There was eternity, the music, alcohol, the lights… At some point all club flashed bright red light and he saw Kasumi actually looking at him. He saw her slowly going from his eyes down to his neck, and he saw her realise. And that realisation broke the tension between them in half.

Miwa dropped his face like it was burning her hands to keep the touch going. She stepped back, and almost knocked over someone with a drink in their hands. Kokichi tried to catch her hand, but she snapped it back so fast it felt painful. Someone caught Kasumi by her shoulders just in time for her not to hit the ground, someone from Tokyo, Fushiguro maybe? Muta didn’t quite understand. He heard voices of his friends in the distance, but his head was spinning too fast to follow them. He grabbed a counter to stabilise himself a little, but there was nothing in his mind except for Miwa taking her hands away from him so fast she seemed scared, nothing except the moment she snapped back, choosing to fall on the ground instead of taking his hand. Oh that one was painful, oh that one was painful too much.

“Are you sick? Dear, you look white! Lets get you out of here.” He heard Nobara’s voice somewhere next to him, and for a second he thought that she was talking to him. But she wasn’t. She hugged Miwa’s shoulders, helping her get through the crowd. “Yuji, get me some water! I don’t care, any water, she’s sick!”

Realisation hurt like hell, but still Kokichi caught himself thinking that he was glad Miwa was in good hands. He was glad she wasn’t alone, Nobara would take care of her, and the guys from Tokyo would be around just in case. It was fine that it hurt, in the end, he was the one to blame – he thought too much of himself, too much of them both together. They were both drunk, drunk heavily and for the first time, of course something like that was bound to happen! It didn’t mean anything. He didn’t mean anything. And it was okay. It was okay. It was okay.

But if it was okay, why he found himself slipping on the ground slowly, unable to take a breath?

Chapter 16

Notes:

psa: i made a little change in the end of 9th chapter cause I needed some words in there. if you're interested, you can go check it out, but it's literally just a few sentences. have a great day and lets go watch miwa struggle for 4k words!

“Okay, got it! Megumi, you can put her down now.”

Miwa felt a steady ground under her feet still tilting from side to side, so she grabbed Fushiguro’s arm like it was one and only thing that could had saved her. Luckily, he didn’t seem to mind – probably cause he had already understood that Kasumi was in no way shape or form able to stand still by herself. Nobara, who just fished a room key out of her purse, opened the door and let everyone in. All three of them collapsed on a bed tiringly.

Kasumi had never felt so terribly in her life, and she already was deeply depressed and almost murdered multiple times! Mentally, emotionally, physically – she had a feeling that all of her systems had suddenly collapsed at the same time, leaving her confused and extremely fucking thirsty. Her head was spinning, her mind was foggy and her actions were extremely reckless and rude. She tried to trace last half an hour back step by step, but it didn’t turn out well for her mental health. The crucial part of this evening laid somewhere in-between leaving a hickey on Kokichi’s neck and throwing up on the corner of the street with Nobara holding her hair up, but these memories were too much to handle for now.

Oh dear god, she would never-ever-ever be able to look Kokichi in the eyes again! How could she be so reckless, so selfish, so… jealous?

Her mind was circling back to Angel, so beautiful, so different from her: to Angel placing their hand with pretty red manicure onto Muta’s leg, to Angel laughing softly, to Angel leaving a kiss on his cheek, Angel, Angel, Angel… They smiled so brightly and laughed so much like a pretty-pretty lady, something that Miwa could never consider herself to be. Were they prettier than her? They certainly were, that was why it all freaked her out so much she had to put on this jealousy show. It was a circus, fucking circus, and she was the main goddamn clown.

“I am so sorry,” Miwa scowled. “I ruined the night for you.”

Kugisaki waved her hand absentmindedly. “Don’t worry, you didn’t. I was getting tired already, so you saved me from telling thousands goodbyes before I pass out!”

“I don’t like the clubs to begin with.” Megumi shrugged.

“Didn’t Yuji come with you?” Kasumi asked.

Something really familiar was in the way Fushiguro instinctively reached over to rearrange the top of his turtleneck, something that made her insides burn with shame even more than before. “He volunteered to take everyone back home safely. And to pay.”

“To pay?” she chuckled. “Is he rich or something?”

Nobara flicked her hair, smiling proudly. “He might not be, but Gojo-sensei definitely is!”

Kasumi looked at her, then at Megumi and then back at her, trying to understand how a teacher that didn’t even know about their night-out had something to do with the payment of their horrendously huge bill. Kugisaki noticed the absence of praise really quick, so she rushed to explain:

“I got his card.”

Miwa covered her mouth with both of her hands in pure shock.

“Yeah, I don’t approve it either.” Fushiguro said.

“C’mon, he owes us one after we took his ass out of the prison realm! I’m sure he doesn’t mind.”

Megumi just shrugged, pulling out his phone lazily. “We’ll see in an hour or two.”

Miwa was drunk, but not drunk enough to let something like that slide. It took her a second to process the information while these two just kept quarrelling in the background.

“Wait,” she managed finally, “what do you mean in an hour or two?”

“Eh?” Nobara stopped midsentence. “Oh, he send a text to us that we need to be ready at, like, five thirty for some reason. Probably to move back to the school before the emergency services start working. You guys will be going later in the evening, your lady needs to finish some stuff in Tokyo, I guess.”

Suddenly, she didn’t feel so drunk anymore. Even her head slowed its spinning speed, almost like her whole body gathered every available resource to deal with an unexpected problem. Five thirty? It was, like, in two hours if not less? Miwa couldn’t think straight. She needed to talk to Gojo-sensei before two schools got separated again, she just had to talk to him! If she went back to Kyoto without at least trying to get some truth out of him, she would never know how to deal with her own self. God, she thought they would be leaving at least somewhere in the evening, maybe after lunch… Five thirty in the morning? Really?

“Oh, you didn’t know?” Nobara shared a knowing look with Megumi that Kasumi didn’t quite understand.

“No.” she whispered back. “I thought we all were leaving in the evening.”

How was she supposed to do it all on her own? Before, she thought that maybe she could had talked to Momo or to Kokichi about it, even Mai would be a nice companion in this, but now the timing was completely messed up! Now she wouldn’t go to Kokichi – he probably thought that she was a possessive bitch, so she should had gotten ready for not talking to him at all – and she wouldn’t go to Mai or Momo… There was absolutely no one she could had asked for help now. She had to do it on her own, but only the thought of standing face to face with Gojo Satoru terrified her to death.

“Anyway, it’s none of your problems! You’re a lucky one for getting at least five hours of decent sleep!” Nobara laughed. “Are you feeling any better?”

“Of course!” Miwa lied. “I feel wonderful now, thank you.”

“Great!” Kugisaki stood up and clapped her hands. The noise made both Fushiguro and Kasumi flinch and they shared a long meaningful look with each other. “We’re better be going, I think Yuji will start bringing people back soon. And I need to pack the stuff we found in that mall…”

“Yeah, then we definitely better be going…” Megumi tried, but was stopped halfway the sentence.

“One more word and Yuji will now why exactly his hoodies were disappearing from washing machine.”

That made Fushiguro way more cooperative. He got up, saluted Miwa, saying that for anything she needs she can always contact him, and headed our of the room silently. Nobara clicked her tongue with visible satisfaction on her face:

“The one and only way to deal with boys, am I right?” she chuckled and gave Kasumi a heartwarming hug. “It was extremely nice to meet you girl! We need to hang out more, you seem like so much fun! If you ever find yourself in Tokyo, hit me up and I’ll take you out, okay?”

“Okay,” Miwa couldn’t help but feel somewhat better about this whole disaster of a night. “It was also really nice to meet you too, Nobara. You are really a good friend.” Maybe it was alcohol still acting out in her blood, but she just felt like saying something else, something that had been on her mind last several days. Something important. “And Nobara?”

“Yep, dear?”

“Mai is actually happy for you two. She thinks you are a great match for Maki, even though she might not acknowledge it out loud. Their relationship is… something, for sure something, but still she is very grateful for you being by Maki’s side. I also think this way. You two seem… good together. You seem happy.”

Nobara kept smiling like nothing happened, but her eyes changed. She shrugged, almost like not caring at all. “Well, guess I’ll have to wait some years to hear it from her directly!” she reached for the door handle and took a quick glance back right before leaving. “But thank you, Miwa. I really appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome.”

As soon as the door closed behind Nobara, silence in a room became a little bit too overwhelming. Suddenly, everything that Miwa could had seen in front of her eyes was Kokichi’s face when she looked back at him after her stupid mistake. She must had overstepped, she must had drank too much, she must had broken every rule she herself put up to keep the relationship between them as stable and safe as possible. Who was a problem now, after all?

Who was a problem now?

It took some effort for Kasumi to stand up all by herself. It wasn’t that bad, if she gave it a little thought, pretty manageable even. It was obvious that the perfect medium in drinking for the first time was lost when she finished a bottle of whiskey on a dancefloor under everyone’s supporting screams. Before the feeling was nice and fun, right after – an extreme opposite of both. She hated every moment after that bottle and she hated puking her guts out in the corner of a street, but at least the latter made her feel a little bit better. At least after the latter the suffocating feeling of nausea went away.

Now Miwa needed to get herself up and get going as soon as it was humanly possible. She took a step, next one, then another one…

The next thing she remembered was the rim of a toilet and her hair smelling like puke and acid. Oh hell.

Well, the attempt was good, but obviously not good enough.

That feeling came in waves and after a minute of silent rest she stuck her head back and vomited loudly. Again. Dear fucking god, really? Now?

When she actually had enough energy to crawl out to the sink, she rinsed her mouth with water good five or six times. Almost like making fun of her, a taste of acidity did not in fact go away. It felt like her whole body was resisting any possible change at all, but Miwa just wasn’t ready to give up yet. She brushed her teeth twice before she felt like a human being again. She would like to wash her hair, change from this extremely uncomfortable skirt and stop walking around barefoot, but for now she needed to work with what she had. At least now she could move without clinging to a wall like some kind of a wounded animal.

There was movement outside of the door. Someone was talking loudly with other people shushing them even louder than they spoke, someone was laughing. At some point Kasumi heard someone trip over and fell. That’s when the door of a public restroom she occupied opened and she was met eyes to eyes with Mai.

“Oh, here you are! Momo was searching for you everywhere!” she leaned onto the doorframe. “Yuji told us his friends took you back here cause you felt sick. Are you okay?”

Miwa smiled awkwardly. “Yeah, I’m better now. Was brushing my teeth before going to sleep.” She looked Zenin in her eyes and somehow couldn’t stop her tongue from moving. “With that toothbrush. That is mine. Yes. Sleep in our room. Where I usually sleep. With nothing else happening. Yeah.”

Mai looked her up and down, from hair still half-tied with Nobara’s hair tie to bare toes on cold bathroom tile. She looked like she didn’t believe even a single word, but didn’t say anything in return – just moved a little, letting Kasumi pass by into the hallway.

“By the way,” Zenin called out, “we haven’t seen Kokichi in a while. If you see him, tell that he freaked everyone out, this asshole.”

Oh, so Muta didn’t come with them? Or did he come, just in a different taxi? Was he even in the building now? Yuji certainly couldn’t leave him back there, could he? Could he?

“Of course.” Miwa smiled. “I will.”

She must had upset him greatly if he decided to separate from everyone so unexpectedly. It was bad. It was really, really bad.

“See you later, Miwa.” Mai said.

Kasumi stopped in the middle of a hallway to look back at her friend. “Yes,” she answered. “See you later too, Mai.”

Hallway after hallway, room after room, Miwa was moving through their floor as fast as she could in her current state. Luckily, everyone was already settled at their designated sleeping places, so she was safe from any unwanted questions and curious eyes. It was a hell of a journey anyway: it was a common information where the meetings were held or where Shoko kept her medical supplies, but anything above these details wasn’t really opened to a typical student’s eye. Teachers and adults in general somehow were moving under any radars, just appearing where they were needed and expected, so tracking any specific one without any contact information could be considered kind of hard if not impossible. Kasumi chose to believe that she was able to find Gojo Satoru without any help, but if the situation would be getting a little too out of hand, she could had always called Nobara and ask her for help directly. Somehow she was sure that Kugisaki wouldn’t say no to a little favour like that.

Another hallway, another room, change the floor. Staircases, meeting places, blackboards with old plans. More hallways. More rooms. Change the floor.

Miwa was wearing herself out. She didn’t sleep a wink all night, drank too much and threw up more times than she did over the past two years. The last thing she needed was running around at five in the morning chasing Tokyo’s teacher like a vivid dream with nothing to say. What would she tell him if they actually met? That she befriended a great evil that told her she was different, that her energy was… weird? A good way to start, with telling that a bad guy called you a freaking weirdo! Great job, Miwa, she thought to herself, keep going like this and you definitely would persuade anyone and everyone and especially an almighty Gojo Fucking Sato-

“Wow, attention, young lady!”

Kasumi ran straight into someone full speed. If it was someone her heigh, she probably would had knocked them down easily, but luckily it was someone significantly taller and stronger. Taller and stronger, with such great amount of cursed energy surrounding them it made all the hair on her body stood on end.

She looked up slowly, but instead of meeting person’s eyes she was met with familiar total black glasses.

Oh.

It was… easier than she thought. Was worth running three floors up and down like a damned dog.

“Isn’t it a little too early for someone from Kyoto to be awake?” he smiled softly.

Miwa jumped several steps back immediately. She didn’t know what she was doing, but the last thing she needed was one of the teachers realising that she was still quite pissed. Without saying a word, she folded in half, trying her best not to loose her balance.

“I am so sorry for such a sudden appearance, Gojo-sensei!” she screamed out without realising that she was screaming.

“Wow, I can hear that you are, like, very-very sorry, hah.” He didn’t even try to conceal his grin. “I guess you have an extremely important reason to stay awake at an hour like this, don’t you?”

“I do!”

He fixed the position of his glasses. “Well, if it’s connected to a bill that rang on my card…”

“I need you to look at me!”

Gojo-sensei got so stunned he stopped midsentence. Miwa felt her face flashed red. She didn’t think about it at all! No plan, no preparations, only whiskey still heating up her blood and head, not letting thoughts get together in a logical chain. Did it sound… weird? Did she sound weird? She definitely sounded weird, oh god. “Look at me?” Dear fucking god…

“Well, I’m pretty sure I am looking at you right now.” Gojo answered.

Miwa still didn’t look up. “I mean… without your glasses.” She tried to put words together, but they were running around her mindspace screaming, crying and not wanting to cooperate at all. “I need you to look at me without your glasses.”

Gojo Satoru laughed in return. “Jeez, what a fun one you are!” he snapped his fingers. “But nevermind how deep you bow, I don’t take my glasses off for girls your age. You are a beautiful young lady, I am sure you will find someone nice and loving that has a suitable age...”

“No!” Miwa cut him off a little too sharp for someone Absolutely Not Drunk. “I mean, no, excuse me, but I am not talking about it in this way. I… I need you to look at me without your glasses. It’s really important.”

“Why would it be important?”

It felt almost like a personal offence. Kasumi felt annoyance growing inside of her faster and faster with every upcoming second. It wasn’t a huge thing, to take his glasses off, why would he act this way and demand all this explanation when he obviously saw that she wasn’t in the right state of mind to hand them to him?

“I had a person tell me that I remind them… of your old friend.” She started. “That I have something wrong with me, something that sorcerers don’t usually have. They told me to find you. They told me to make you look at me.”

Gojo shrugged. “Don’t know any people you could be reminding me of, little lady. I think it’s better for you to go.”

“But I can’t go.” Miwa whispered.

“What?”

She straightened her back slowly, leaving all manners behind. “I can’t go just yet.”

He sighed deeply and tiringly. “Jeez, you teenagers…”

“They told me I’ll remind you of your old friend.” She said again. “I promise you I am not lying.”

“Then who was this mysterious person that told you this?”

Miwa felt like she was going to pass out. She clenched her hands into fists so tightly she felt nails digging into her palms painfully. “I can’t tell you this.”

Even though she couldn’t see his eyes, she could had felt that he started to feel visibly annoyed by the whole conversation. Without answering, Satoru Gojo turned his back away from her. No. She couldn’t let him leave. Not now. Not when she was so close to figuring everything out, not when she bit and scratched her way out of death’s hands, not when she had both the hope and the strength to get back up again for the first time in months.  

“They told me I look like Suguru Geto!” Miwa screamed out. “They told me I look like Suguru Geto.” she whispered, seeing him stop.

Gojo sighed deeply again and raised his hand. Miwa saw him take off black glasses and turn around slowly. It felt like an eternity, but as soon as their eyes met the time seemed to stop at all. She couldn’t breathe. Pure unstoppable energy of the strongest sorcerer alive held her captive like a prey. Kasumi couldn’t move, she felt her whole body shake and her insides twirl into a painful knot. Blue eyes scanned her just for several seconds, but they felt like forever. When eye contact was finally broken, Miwa lost her balance, grabbing a near wall so hard she must had bruised her hands. She tried to take a breath, but her lungs seemed to collapse under the weight of such terrifying amount of cursed energy. Breath in. Breath out. Like a machine. In and out, again and again, counting till five every time. When Miwa could finally see straight again, she realised that Satoru Gojo in front of her…

…was laughing.

“You are even more fun than I anticipated, aren’t you?” he put his glasses back on and somehow this action felt rushed. “Didn’t know I’d see another one of you so soon.”

Miwa still was struggling to breathe right. Gojo-sensei grinned back at her:

“First time, huh?” She nodded. “First one’s the toughest, then it gets easier. You should get used to it if you want to start training alongside others soon.”

“Training?..” Kasumi breathed out. “You would take me… training?”

Satoru shrugged. “Well, I guessed you found me for that exact reason. Was I wrong?”

“No, Gojo-sensei. You weren’t.”

He smiled. “Of course I wasn’t!” As soon as Miwa found enough strength to straighten her spine, he put a hand on her shoulder and the amount of heavy cursed energy almost made her fold again. “You are so lucky you got to me on time! Though I usually take visitors in my “taking visitors” hours, not at five in the morning...”

“I am truly sorry, Gojo-sensei.” Miwa nodded. “I guess I just got carried away with all the work we did past several days and forgot to schedule an official visit with you. Next time I would definitely follow the procedure, I am so sorry again!”

Satoru looked at her like she was completely out of her mind. “Wow,” he said. “You will need some time with Maki and Nobara to get you into team’s spirit. There is no “taking visitors hours”, little lady.”

“So you don’t take visitors at all?..”

He gave her a light pat on the back before letting go. “Maybe not some time, maybe, like, a whole therapeutic vacation, god.”

“I am sorry again.” Miwa repeated. “I may be prone to misunderstandings now, I am quite tired because of all… work.”

“Drop the act, I got the bill for your work an hour before!” Kasumi’s expression must had sold her out, cause Satoru laughed and waved his hand. “Don’t be so surprised, I didn’t know anything! Just saw the bill and assumed my dear students are strong, but not that strong. Also, when you meet Yuji, tell him to stop signing receipts with his own name. Like, for god’s sake, come up with something separate, think together as a team! I didn’t raise a person who signs a stolen credit card receipt with his full damn name!”

Miwa really couldn’t believe neither her eyes nor her ears. Her knowledge about the strongest soldier of humanity was really limited and was based mostly on magazine articles and Utahime’s little remarks. She knew he was quite a show, and she knew he treated his students way differently than their teacher did, she knew all of that and still seeing Gojo Satoru talk so effortlessly and mannerlessly to her was astonishing.

Kasumi couldn’t fight the urge, so she asked straight away. “Aren’t you… mad?”

“Why would I be?”

“They took your card without asking and spent a lot of money on questionable and illegal activities. It is not a right thing to do.”

“Oh, like you don’t smell like a walking minibar here, little lady!” Gojo laughed and it sounded so honest Miwa couldn’t look away. “You are teenagers. You should be drinking and going to clubs and hiding alcohol bottles under your bed. You should be having your sixteens without being worried about war or staying alive till New Years. I am one of the many adults who stand responsible for the troubles you had and still have to face, the least I can do is to close my eyes when my kids go celebrate a long-awaited victory they fought so hard for.”

That answer caught Kasumi off guard. It didn’t align with this funny demeanour of his, didn’t align with laughs and grins and jokes. She looked back, but didn’t find anything suitable to say.

His kids?..

“Go pack your bags, little lady. We’ll wait for you in the main hall.”

She nodded. “Thank you a lot for helping me, Gojo-sensei. I am very grateful for it.”

Miwa stood still watching him cross the room slowly. He leaned onto the doorframe before sliding into the darkness of one of many staircases this horrendous building had. “And little lady?”

“Yes, Gojo-sensei?”

“Your name is Kasumi Miwa, right?”

She nodded. “Just right.”

“You have to stand up more for yourself, Kasumi Miwa.” He said. “I remember you. You took a picture with me back then. I knew your name, Iori was kind enough to share this forbidden knowledge with me, and still I didn’t call you it for the whole time we were speaking.” Gojo shook his head. “It’s not nice to yourself to let someone disrespect you. I am a teacher, kiddo, I’m not a god.”

With that, Gojo Satoru disappeared from her eyesight, leaving Miwa alone in an empty room. She chuckled softly, letting herself slide down on the dusty carpet.

Little lady was about to pack her bag to Tokyo school.

Miwa Kasumi cried alone.

Notes:

someone's going on a journey or self-discovery!!!

Chapter 17

Notes:

...................something happens.

It was never in his nature to be an asshole towards people. He could had been accidentally rude, a little too honest for his own good and everyone else’s bad, but there was never a moment where he was shitty towards people just for sake of being shitty. He was never a violent dog. But that evening he bit.

He pushed some people at the bar, he screamed at Mai for trying to get him in the same taxi with them, he flipped off Inumaki when he made a sneaky comment about his behavior that Kokichi didn’t quite understood. He separated himself from everyone else as soon as they got to the base and hid on half-destroyed roof of the office building for so long that his fingers turned numb and red from the cold. Muta’s mind was never a pleasant place to be in, and tonight the intensity of its annoyance grew to the levels that the world had never seen before.

Kokichi was scared. He was scared and embarrassed and extremely damn upset about himself. There was not a single bad emotion or thought targeting Miwa, no – all of them were hitting him as a target, and the pain behind them was sharp and burning. Muta couldn’t stop running fingers alongside the mark on his neck, he couldn’t forget the foggy look in Kasumi’s eyes, how she asked him to hold her just for the sake of being close… Was he too hopeful this troublesome evening, was he too selfish again? He shouldn’t have acted out like that. It was nobody’s fault but his.

In the end, he really regretted screaming at Mai. Kokichi wished he would had brought her up here with him. They would had sat down in silence, sharing some of her cigarettes, and he would had coughed and coughed till the tears started running down his face and he could had said that the pain inside was due to a toxic smoke, not to anything else. She would had said something extremely smart like she always does and it would had helped him not to feel so alone anymore. Maybe he would had said something nice too, and they would had laughed and smiled and smoked till they ended up sharing the last cigarette in-between themselves. It could had been okay.

But it wasn’t.

He screamed at Mai and he ran away and he was too scared to go down because he knew he would ran into Miwa with his broken cursed luck. So he sat down on the edge of the roof more than he actually wanted to and closer than it was actually safe to. When Kokichi finally decided to go back down, the time was closer to five in the morning. He wouldn’t dare trying any of the rooms, so he just collapsed on a couch in the hall, hoping to wake up tomorrow and forget that anything from this evening had ever happened to him.

But the couch was too uncomfortable to sleep on alone, and he still felt Miwa’s hands leave traces on his skin. When he closed him eyes, he could still smell flowery parfume and whiskey mixing with cheap grocery store shampoo. When he closed his eyes, he could had imagine that Kasumi still was in his arms, tucking her head under his chin and caressing his hair lightly.

Even in the darkest of places, he could had never blamed Miwa for anything. In the end of the day, it was always his fault for falling so deeply, and he was ready to bear this pain till the day he finally died again.

“Kokichi?” he heard voice whispering. “Kokichi, wake up.”

He opened his eyes. When did he fall asleep? There was familiar figure in the morning light kneeling next to the couch. Muta blinked several times, trying to shake off the dreamy feeling, but it got stuck in his head, clawing in deeply, and he couldn’t do anything but sigh.

“Are you real?”

Miwa frowned. “Did you hit your head?” she touched his forehead lightly with the back of her hand.

Kokichi wanted to touch her too. He wanted to reach his hand and cup her face, wanted to ask her why her eyes looked so red, was she crying? Why was she up so early? Did something happen? Could he help somehow? Was he allowed to?

“I don’t have enough time.” Kasumi said. “I came to apologize.”

“Apologize?” Muta frowned. “For what?”

Her eyes slid down to his neck and she looked away as soon as they got to the mark. “For my behavior tonight.”

“Oh, well, it wasn’t really…”

“No-no-no!” she reached and covered his mouth with her hand. “Can I talk for a second? Please? It’s really important for me.”

Kokichi nodded.

“I feel so ashamed of how I acted tonight! There is nothing I can say on my behalf. I am so sorry for clinging to you all night like I was some dumb possessive animal, and I am so sorry for getting so worked up about Angel and I am so sorry for leaving you a goddamn hickey without even asking you a permission!” Miwa avoided eye contact so professionally Muta was almost surprised. “I don’t want to lose you. I really enjoy your presence and I don’t want to ruin everything just because I let my emotions get a hold of myself! My behavior was unacceptable and I am so sorry I made you so upset. I am so sorry, Kokichi, I am really, really sorry.”

Miwa pulled away and wiped off her tears. She tried her best to be as composed as it was possible, Muta took a second to acknowledge how strong she was even when everything felt so painful. He could had let it slide, could had let the whole confusion finish here and now, could had let the problem stop there instead of lingering in the future. But he didn’t. Was it alcohol in his blood still acting out, was it his character or was it the view of Miwa on the verge of crying, but he just couldn’t let it go this way anymore.

“I am really grateful for your apology.” He smiled. “But… it wasn’t really needed.”

Kasumi blinked several times, looking really lost. “What?”

“I enjoy your presence too. I enjoy it a lot. I had fun being with you there, and the closure didn’t bother me at all. The abundance of it was, of course, quite unexpected, but I had never said that it made me upset.”

“But Mai told me you disappeared.”

Kokichi shrugged. “Well, I did, but it had more to do with me than with you.”

They shared a long silence between each other and for the first time it felt uneasy. Both of them were thinking actively, as fast as their current states allowed, and it was obvious that both of them had a lot going on in their minds and both of them weren't brave enough to even say a word. Miwa broke down first.

“What did you mean when you said… that it didn’t bother you at all?”

“I mean what I say, Miwa.” He said. “I didn’t mind.”

Kasumi tensed. “I sucked on your neck like a freaking vampire, what do you mean you didn’t mind?”

“I mean I didn’t mind.” He answered.

Miwa looked at him, processing, and at some point her face became so red it would had been comical if the situation wasn’t so tensed. Feeling extraordinary brave, Muta reached over and caressed her cheek slightly. “I mean your touch doesn’t bother me.” He wipe off her tears lovingly. “I would rather say I enjoy it. Enjoy when you hug me, when you hold my hand, when you put your head on my shoulder… If you would felt like leaving me a ton of hickeys I would enjoy it just as much, if not more.”

He laughed and his laugh sounded a tiny bit sad. Desperate, even. Was he selfish? Was he dumb?

Miwa was looking back at him with her eyes wide opened. She didn’t say a word, didn’t even move. She was listening to him talk and as time went by Kokichi would had given anything and everything in his possession for her just to say something, something, anything at all. But she didn’t. She was sitting there silently watching his hand move alongside her face. Suddenly, Muta felt like it was out of place, his affection, so he took his hand back to himself, feeling painfully stung by the fact that he probably would had never touch her again after this speech.

Kasumi blinked several times and finally spoke again.

“Kokichi,” she whispered. “Am I allowed to touch you?”

“What kind of question is this?” he laughed. “I just told you I would love anything…”

“Yes or no?”

He felt a part of himself give up. “Yes.”

Miwa stood still for a second before moving. She got closer, brushed a hair strand behind his ear. Her eyes lingered around a mark on his neck, but she didn’t let it stop her. Kasumi sighed and placed a hand on his cheek. Kokichi wanted to say something, something smart, something suitable for the situation, and he even formulated a coherent sentence, but everything got shattered into pieces the next upcoming second. Cause Miwa leaned in suddenly, shortening the distance between them.

And kissed him lightly.

It was a soft kiss, almost like a shy question – can I, can I, am I allowed? And Kokichi couldn’t fight himself anymore, so he answered, and he felt desperate, and his hands were trembling, but he answered and the answer ringed in his head along with his fastened heartbeat: yes yes yes. It was everything he had ever dreamed about and it was nothing like all his dreams at the same time.

Miwa pulled back to get some air, and Muta found himself following her movements so desperately. He hummed low “please” and it must had been the most embarrassing thing he had ever gotten himself in. But Miwa smiled. Miwa smiled and she pulled him closer again and she kissed him again. This kiss was nothing like the first one. It was hot, it was needy and it was full of affection and hands wandering. Kokichi got up on his elbows just to be able to be closer, even closer than he was before. This time he was the one to break the moment, but not to stop it at all, no – he just felt an urgent need to kiss her more. So he did.

He placed a kiss on the corner of her mouth, he placed a kiss on her cheek, next to her eye, on her chin. He covered her face in small kisses, coming back to her lips for more and more and more. Miwa was giggling and smiling, and her hands were in his hair, and everything seemed like it should had been all this time. Muta reached his hand to hug her in, he wanted to cuddle closer, he wanted to fall asleep on this uncomfortable couch with the person he loved so deeply and he wanted it so desperately it hurt.

His hand got wrapped around Kasumi’s shoulder, but was met with some tension.

“Kokichi.” She said in between kisses. "No."

He froze in place like she used some cursed technic on him. He got his hands back, he gave her space. “Is something wrong?”

There was a question in his mind that he couldn’t get away from. He didn’t say it out loud, but it must had been written all over his face, cause Miwa leaned in and touched their foreheads together.

“I didn’t change my mind.” She breathed out. “But I really need to go. I’m already late.”

Kokichi didn’t understand. “What do you mean late? It’s early morning, you haven’t slept at all.”

Now, when he focused his vision well enough, he saw that she was wearing different clothes and there was a backpack placed next to her on the floor. Unable to calm sudden overwhelming anxiety, he sat down straight, hands reaching out to hold Kasumi’s hands instinctively. She squeezed his fingers back reassuringly.

“I’m going with Tokyo school for a while. I’ll still be in contact, but for now I have to be there. There is a reason that I can’t quite explain yet, but it would be better for me to stay there for some time. They’re waiting for me right now.”

“Tokyo? Waiting?” Muta rubbed his eyes like it could had helped him process everything. It didn’t, but now his eyes hurt. “But we won, we just won. Why do you have to go?”

Miwa cupped his face carefully. “It’s for the better. I will be back as soon as I can. I promise you.”

“Does someone know? Does anyone know? Utahime, did you tell her?” he couldn’t stop talking. It felt like if he stopped, he would forget how to breathe at all. “When are you going to be back?”

“I don’t know. I came to say goodbye for now.”

There was an unbearable pain inside of him that he had never known he would experience. Kokichi just got her, got them, they just won, and now she was… leaving? No, no-no-no, it just couldn’t be real! She kissed him, she said she didn’t change her mind, but if she didn’t change her mind why was she leaving all of a sudden? Why was she looking at him like that?

“Miwa…”

“I promise you we’ll talk as soon as I get back.” She smiled and it was the saddest smile he had ever seen on her face, “If you will still want to, of course.”

Kokichi didn’t even flinch. “I will always want to.”

Something in his voice might had broken Kasumi, cause she leaned in and she hugged him tightly. And Muta hugged her back. He would had wanted this moment to feel like eternity, he would had wanted it to last forever, but it felt the length it actually was – several quick seconds. He didn’t let go of her hand even when she pulled away again.

“Promise me you will come back, Miwa.”

Kasumi leaned in and placed a quick goodbye kiss on his lips. “I will come back to you. I promise.”

***

“Here he goes!” someone laughed. “And you thought he still was outside!”

Another voice growled tiringly. “If he would have died again cause that last absent shot went straight to the head Utahime would have gone straight for my head!”

“Yeah-yeah, of course, the only reason!”

Kokichi opened his eyes and closed them back again immediately: bright day light felt like a kick in the head. Voices laughed altogether. Headache hit so hard Muta felt like throwing his whole insides up right onto a dusty carpet.

“What… What time it is?” he whispered.

“Time to get the fuck up!” someone screamed out. “Utahime is already up and without Tokyo department to bother her she would find her way to us really-really fast!”

“And you better not smell like fifty shades of vodka when she does.”

Without Tokyo department?..

“I didn’t change my mind.”

Muta jumped so unexpectedly he hit Momo with his head. She was looking down at him from the back of the couch and obviously didn’t expect such a sudden change of attitude so soon. Mai in the background started wheezing together with Todo, Noritoshi politely covered his smile with a hand. The room was covered in bright light and laughter. Everyone was there. Everyone but…

“Have you seen Miwa?” he asked.

Mai shrugged, offering a hand to her girlfriend. “Not really. Thought she would be with you as always.”

And she was.

Kasumi was there with him, she was smiling into their kisses and holding him so dearly it hurt to remember. Memories flood back as a deadly tsunami, covering Kokichi overhead in a matter of seconds. He thought it was a dream, he thought he was dreaming, but Tokyo department had already left and nobody had seen Miwa since and there were too many coincidences to still be calling it a dream. She kissed him. Miwa kissed him. Miwa kissed him first, and then she kissed him again, and then he lost his mind somewhere on the way. Miwa kissed him.

And then she left.

“Why’re you asking?” Noritoshi said. “You also didn’t see her? At all?”

There was nothing in his head that he could had said. He didn’t know if he could share information Kasumi gave him, he wasn’t sure it wasn’t some kind of a secret, some kind of a mystery. Where was Utahime when they needed her so much? Did she know about Miwa or was it out of nowhere for her as well?

Kamo was looking at him. Everyone was looking at him, and he didn’t know what to say.

Kokichi looked around the room and suddenly found its spinning. Broken window, dusty carpet, wonky paintings on even more wonky walls, hallways, doors… everything started whirling and spinning and flashing with colors. Headache became too much pain to bear. Muta found Mai with his eyes and breathed in deeply.

“Mai,” he said. “I am gonna throw up.”  

Notes:

.................SOMETHING HAPPENED.

Chapter 18

Notes:

and again to separation problems and beautiful contrasts of two worlds! enjoy and hope you're having a great day <3

“Miwa would be a part of Tokyo campaign in repairing damage done to sorcerer society by the Culling Game and Shibuya incident. They needed someone and together with other stuff members we decided that she would be the best match for the job.”

Only several days ago they were sitting in that room together. Kokichi remembered that Kasumi crawled onto a tall desk to sit next to him. It was too high for her, so he had to lend her a hand, and they laughed all together about it later. Momo was brushing her hair in the distance with Mai by her side looking through something on her phone, Todo and Kamo played cards next to the window. They were doing their own stuff, but somehow still felt together and it was the closest thing to family that they could had ever gotten.

“What do you mean “decided”?” Momo stood up so fiercely she almost knocked off a chair. “You can’t just take away people from our school cause Tokyo sucks!”

Utahime frowned. “Language, Nishimiya.”  

“I don’t care!” Mai tried to put a hand on Momo’s shoulder but got brushed off coldly. “It’s Miwa, it’s our Miwa! How could you sent her away like that?”

“I swear to you the decision was made thoughtfully and will affect both sides positively in the end.”

Nishimiya took a step back and her lips made a thin line. “You’re lying.”

“I am your teacher.” Utahime reminded kindly. “You should be careful with accusations like this.”

“I know you are lying, Utahime-sensei.” She said again. “You do this every time you lie.”

Momo hissed on Mai trying to whisper something to her and walked out of the room not saying a word. She didn’t even slam the door – just left it open, not caring enough to save her classmates some privacy. Kokichi threw a quick glance at Zenin, but didn’t get one back.

“I knew it would go this way.” Utahime sighed, falling into an armchair behind.

There was a weird feeling that Muta couldn’t quite get rid of, a feeling of Nishimiya being right. He was strangely sure that Miwa got sent away for other reasons, but when he tried to search for some he failed again and again and again. Moreover, his mind was being… rude. He knew that Utahime was hiding some part of the truth, but if someone asked him how he got to that point, he wouldn’t be able to find right words to explain it.

Because he just knew that Tokyo wouldn’t choose Miwa for any of their campaigns. They would had chosen Todo or Noritoshi, maybe even their favourite first year that saved so many lives these hard days. They would had chosen anyone, but Miwa. Cause despite being his favourite person in the whole world, despite winning his heart in every possible way, despite having so many good qualities, despite anything and everything, she still didn’t seem like the first choice for Tokyo. Cause in terms of sorcery, Kasumi Miwa had nothing special in herself. It was a harsh and rude thought, but it was still there. And Kokichi hated himself for it.

“So, if Tokyo is having a repairing campaign, I guess we will also be busy?” Noritoshi asked.

Utahime pinched the bridge of her nose. “Yes. Everyone will be involved, but in different ways.”

“In which ones exactly?”

“Mai, as one of the last members of Zenin family, will be working with me on legal part of the question. Noritoshi, you will be engaged in cooperation with international teams. If you will want to visit your family in meanwhile, just let me know in which part of Europe they settled it and I will write you a business trip there. Todo, together with Momo and Nitta you will form an active group of Kyoto Repairing Campaign. Mostly you’ll be exorcizing curses in areas that suffered the most from cursed energy shifts. That’s all for now.” She waved her hand. “As soon as we’ll get back to Kyoto, I’ll share all the documents and details with you. We should start as soon as possible, so I rely on each one of you a lot.”

Everyone nodded. Kokichi nodded too, despite not being included in the list. He wanted to ask Utahime immediately, but was smart enough to bite his tongue just in time. No, he had to talk to her in private, when they would be alone. Maybe, just maybe, he would be able to ask about Miwa too. Maybe.

“Dismissed for today.” Iori said. “Be ready at five, and before you can be busy with whatever, just don’t get in a way of emergency workers. Most people are not allowed in this exact part of the city and I don’t want us to get in even more legal trouble than we already are in.”

Mai got up first. She spared him a look, and he just gave back a smile he hoped was reassuring enough for her not to worry. She already had to be stressed enough cause of Momo, it was better not to give Zenin even more reasons to go insane. Todo was the next one to leave. Noritoshi lingered around a little, whispering with Utahime about Europe-connected stuff that Muta didn’t quite understand. He would, probably, but he was too busy with his own shit to be listening to other’s too.

When the door behind Kamo was closed shut, Utahime seemed to finally relax. She slid deeper into the armchair, suddenly looking… small. Kokichi couldn’t even imagine that she alone had to deal with operating the whole school at her age. He again felt a huge wave of pure disgust toward their actual principle who hadn’t lifted a finger during the whole war. Muta remembered him talking about killing Yuji during their annual competition and couldn’t help but wonder if he would haunt him down just the same.

“You look tired, Utahime-sensei.”

“At least I slept a little at night.” She chuckled back. Kokichi felt his ears burn. “Don’t worry, not my place to judge.”

He nodded, still redder than usual. They must had known that teachers would be the first ones alarmed if they all suddenly disappeared in the middle of the night! “I wanted to ask you…”

“Yeah, I know.” She sighed. “I can’t include you anywhere until the higher-ups will release an official statement about your situation. You were a great help in Culling Game and I am extremely grateful for it, but I still can’t let you operate inside of jujutsu campaigns until they decide what to do with you.”

“Decide what to do with me? Meaning, they can decide…”

Kokichi couldn’t tell it out loud. No. Not again.

“I am sorry, Kokichi. Truly sorry.” Utahime reached out and held his wrist softly. “I promise you I will do anything that’s in my power to make them do a right thing, but I can’t promise that I’ll succeed.”

Right. Right. He completely forgot about it. Being too busy with the Culling Game, with their little party, with Miwa and the problems of his heart, Kokichi Muta had completely forgotten that he was literally on a death row. He had a moment when he thought about it, but it was just a mere moment that was quickly swiped under a rag when his friends laughed around or Miwa held his hand in hers. Right, he chuckled, right-right-right.

“For now you will have to stay at school till everything will be decided. We can find you books or anything to get busy with if you will want to.”

“Thank you.” Kokichi smiled. “For everything.”

Utahime let go of his hand and pushed him slightly. “Don’t. Thank me when I’ll get your ass out of it, okay?”

He nodded, trying his best not to fall apart. Several steps to the door felt like the hardest thing he could had ever done.

“Miwa,” he asked unexpectedly. “Was she actually chosen by Tokyo?”

Utahime looked back at him, felling strangely honest. “Gojo Satoru himself chose her to go with him. I can’t tell you anything else, but it was a consensual departure. Miwa knew about it even before I did.”

Right. She must had known before, she came to say goodbye. Kokichi wanted to scream. He wanted to punch something, to turn a table upside down, to cry like he had never done before. What was the hurry? Why did she have to leave so fast? She didn’t even see anyone besides him, nobody but two of them knew that she wouldn’t be there in the morning. Chosen by Gojo Satoru himself? Muta wanted to hit something and it started to feel more like a need than a desire. He was on a death row, he could be killed at any moment, a decision of his execution could be done so quickly there would be no train fast enough to get him to Miwa or vice versa. How could the strongest need Kasumi so much that he had to steal her right from his hands? Couldn’t he choose anyone else? Couldn’t he wait? Couldn’t she wait?

“Utahime-san,” Kokichi said. “When you lie, you talk in long sentences with official terms. Everyone knew something was not right in your words, Momo was just brave enough to speak up.”

Iori laughed and somehow Muta felt easier after it. “Damn, you should had told me this before I quoted a legal document to you guys! Shit, I fucked up big, didn’t I?”

Instead of answering he shook his head and reached for a doorhandle.

If there was death waiting on him on the other side of this short journey, he begged it to be benevolent enough to let him see Miwa again before the end.

***

Fortunately, Kasumi stopped crying when she got to the rest of the group. Minutes mixed together: greetings, hugs, surprised eyes of Tokyo students, several personal cars with tinted windows driving them through morning city. At some point Miwa got her head leaning onto Yuta’s shoulder with his hand gently patting her hair. She was tired, she was so-so tired she was ready to collapse on the spot. After getting to her assigned room, she fell onto the sheets.

And woke up with wall clocks staying in almost the same place as before.

She didn’t believe it at first, when she saw hands of the clocks on eight. There was no existing chance of her sleeping only half an hour and waking up feeling decent. It was just impossible! Kasumi knew there was something going on, but couldn’t quite figure out what, and the ticking of the clocks on the wall started to drive her insane, so she got up as soon as it was possible and rushed out of the room.

Halls of Tokyo school were unfamiliar to her. She had never stepped even a single step inside of this unit, so all these doors and turns looked like a labyrinth, and she was in no shape to get through its riddles yet. Miwa contemplated knocking on one of the many doors asking for help, but couldn’t bring herself to do so. She would text Nobara to lend her a hand, but her phone was still nailed to the wall somewhere in downtown Tokyo thanks to Mahito. Great. Just great.

There was sun slowly getting up, she could see it from the windows. Did she have a malfunction of some sort? Feeling so much nicer after half an hour sleep? Really? Seemed like nothing else than a fairytale. Was it her brain playing games or air in Tokyo school was so drastically different? Well, it was in fact built very differently…

The halls were wider and there was less windows than in Kyoto. The location made it easier to see the city outside of the school territory, it seemed so close Kasumi was sure she could had walked there in less than fifteen minutes. Sometimes, when looking out, there were other school-related buildings seen: a training hall, stuff wing, a place reserved for Shoko’s work that was used as a temporary hospital. Comparing to Kyoto, the amount of space taken by the school was hideously enormous. Miwa couldn’t wrap her mind around the difference, knowing that the number of students in both schools was almost the same. What did they do with all this free space? Were these rooms actually used?

Another turn brought Kasumi towards a half-opened door. She looked for a sign, but there was none, so she decided to just step inside and figure it out on the way. Silently, she slid the door open, being met with a pretty decent kitchen.

And Inumaki in the middle of it.

“Oh,” she said, “I’m sorry if I disturbed you!” she smiled, trying her best not to looked scared and not knowing if she should had walked in or walked out.

Toga looked back at her with surprise in his eyes, but nodded and silently added another cup on the counter. It was a little strange to see him out of his uniform, in a plain blue shirt and sweatpants, with golden eyepatches under his eyes. Judging by the smell, there was fresh coffee brewing in moka, so Miwa stepped inside, unable to say no to a proposition like this.

There was an air of awkwardness between them, like if she had woken up during a sleepover, walked to the kitchen to grab some water and suddenly ran into a host’s brother. She stood five feet apart from him, not knowing if talking was an option or if he preferred silence in the morning. He was alone here before, so maybe she was in fact disrupting his peace by breaking in?

Was it even a break-in if she was considered a student of Tokyo school from now on?

“Why the calendar is on 26th?” she asked suddenly. “It should be on 25th.”

Inumaki looked back at her weirdly. He turned to the calendar, then turned back to Miwa and fished out his phone from his pocket. “Tuna.” He handed a phone to Kasumi. It actually was 26th of December.

“I don’t understand.”

“Salmon Roe.” Toga shrugged.

He must had seen that Miwa didn’t understand the way he spoke, cause he carefully took a phone from her hands, wrote a little note inside a messenger there, and passed it back, focusing on coffee again.

“You slept a whole day <:”

 

“No I didn’t!” Miwa frowned. “I never sleep so much!”

She refused this information, but couldn’t help but understand that it did unfortunately seem true. If all the dates were on 26th, she must had slept a total of… twenty four hours?.. almost twenty five even, if she was to count in half an hour of chaotic thoughts and anxiety cries. Dear fucking lord!

“Why nobody woke me up?” she breathed in.

“Fish flakes.” He shrugged.

Without questioning again, Kasumi placed a phone on the counter and moved it slightly towards Inumaki. Luckily, he didn’t look offended at all, more like too tired to actually care.

“Gojo’s request. Told everyone to leave you alone until you get out by yourself.”

“Embarassing!” she fell onto the chair and hid her face behind her hands. “I’m gonna die!”

Inumaki put a cup of coffee in front of her. “Fish fla-a-kes.”

“No, I’m gonna die!”

She looked up just in time to see Toga text something on his phone, this time actually sending it. Immediately, there was a sound of a door opening somewhere down the hallway. Oh no, Miwa thought to herself. It couldn’t be good.

“Get out! I was here first!”

“I can literally pick you up and… Ouch, Maki! I didn’t even say anything!”

“No-no, love, let him try. Let him try and… no, not him! Not him! Yuta, asshole, put me back fucking down!”

Kitchen door slid open and hit the frame so hard it must had gotten a few new cracks. There were people stuffed into a corridor. Maki was holding Yuji by his ear in one of her hands, and extremely tired Megumi by the collar in the other. Panda was pushed back to the window, screaming something about animal related violence. In the middle of the chaos was Yuta holding Nobara on his shoulder. Everyone was still in their pyjamas. Megumi had his hair down. Maki had her bangs up a curler. Yuta had the same eye patches as Inumaki under his eyes.

“You’re awake!” he blurted out with a smile.

Nobara moved to the side and tugged onto his hair. “At least turn me face to face with her instead of my ass!” Instead of putting the girl down, he actually did turn around. Maki professionally bent down just in time. Both Megumi and Yuji got hit in their faces by Kugisaki’s legs in fluffy pink socks.

“Good morning, dear!” she smiled, putting her bangs up so they could see eye to eye. “I’m so glad that you’re not dead!”

Somewhere in the background the glass finally gave up. The sound of it shattering almost made Yuta drop Nobara down. Everyone turned around. Panda, who was leaning onto the window, now was right outside that said window, legs up in a rosebush.

Miwa couldn’t say a word. Everyone started screaming, rushing to help their friend. Maki whipped out a phone that looked suspiciously like Nobara’s and took a picture. Kugisaki slipped from Yuta’s shoulder and was caught by Yuji just in time not to hit the ground, but late enough to flip both of them to the floor. Maki turned around and snapped a pic of it too.

Inumaki saluted Miwa with his cup not bothering to react to the chaos. “Kelp.”

Miwa saluted back with zero thoughts in her mind. “Kelp for sure.”

Chapter 19

Notes:

a long but needed in-between chapter!!

“Why you didn’t send her away, Iori?”

Utahime leaned onto the wall with her hands crossed over her chest. “I don’t know what are you talking about.”

“You want to tell me you didn’t know about it then?” Gojo shifted slightly, closing the door behind himself. “You want to tell me you didn’t know that she has the same cursed energy type as Megumi has, as he had?”

“I have only one pair of eyes. I have no idea what are you talking about.”

Satoru chuckled and brushed a hand though his hair. He looked upset, he looked tired, he looked like Utahime felt and somehow instead of making them feel united these similarities put them ever farther away from each other. Here they were, standing meters apart yet experiencing the distance of full galaxies in-between.

“I’m taking the girl to Tokyo, Iori, do you want it or not.”

Utahime straightened her back. She looked way older now, with this early morning light shining through the windows of their old office room and with this dangerous spark hidden deep into her eyes. Gojo had always remembered her like the youngest of them all: with her long hair, her bubbly attitude and her beautiful eyes, somehow Iori Utahime was older than him and felt younger at the same time. Maybe that was how they connected in the end of the day, two people with too much responsibility on their shoulders and same childish spark in their eyes…

He had always remembered her feeling the youngest, but now, years later, everything felt different. They felt different.

She felt strong.

“You have no right to transfer students from facility to facility without a proper request. And with all the emergencies we face this request will take you weeks if not more to make.”

Satoru still looked unshakable. “I’ll ask them to send someone from Kyoto to lend a hand to our staff. You know they would send Miwa.”

“You have no right…”

“And you have no right either!” He raised his voice. “She found me herself! I didn’t say a word to her, I didn’t even know!”

There was a heavy silence stuck in the room. It felt like something dark, something stringy was drooping down the ceiling, mapping the distance in between them. Iori started walking around the room nervously. It seemed like there was no place for her to put her hands down, so they were hanging on both sides, making her whole figure appear even more distressed.

“Someone had to tell her!” she whispered. “She couldn’t figure it out on her own. Someone had to tell her.”

Gojo nodded. Kasumi told him that there was certain someone who shared this information with her, but he failed in getting out something more than this. Without identity they couldn’t assume the intent behind the action, couldn’t even presume if it was malicious or good. It must had been someone capable enough in order to see that deep into cursed energy flow, and if Satoru was completely honest, he couldn’t even imagine someone who possessed needed qualities. He knew one, he knew one too well, but it was too long ago to be true…

“It doesn’t matter who did it.” He lied. “She already knows and the best we both can do is to train her well before anyone has their eyes on her.”

“She’s a child.” Utahime whispered. “You know what they do to children like her, Satoru. You didn’t send Yuta away cause you wanted it so much, did you? The only reason Fushiguro is relatively safe is cause you are written in as his official caregiver, and you still need to figure out what to do with Sukuna’s previous vessel, Itadori.”

“I’m well aware of my own shit, Iori.” Gojo sighed, leaning onto a windowsill. Utahime took a step forward and occupied an opposite side of it. “But it doesn’t mean we can just let her go on with her life like nothing changed. She already knows, and if she had learnt at least something from you, it’s only a matter of time when she decides to dig deeper by herself. And we can’t predict what can happen next. We never could.”

The sun outside of the window was slowly rising above half destroyed buildings. It seemed so wrong, to waste such a stunning golden light on something so broken, but despite everything, the sun was still there. It was still rising. They were sharing a windowsill in a complete silence.

“Satoru,” Iori said. “It wasn’t your fault.”

He smiled. “I know.”

“Do you?” she reached over and hit his shoulder lightly. “There was nothing you could have done to save him from the fall.”

He pretended the hit hurt: ouched, caressed his shoulder worryingly, and looked extremely offended by such a barbarous move from Utahime. She sighed and rolled her eyes. They spent some time exchanging friendly pushes and pulls until the silence became too much to bear again.

“I want to help her, Iori.” Satoru whispered. “I can’t let it happen again.”

Utahime nodded. “I know.”

They both watched the sun getting higher and higher with every second, and now the golden light didn’t look wasted. It looked hopeful.

“Write a request for an extra staff. I’ll accept it and write down Miwa.” She said. “Remember that you owe me one, Satoru.”

He looked back at Iori with his eyes full of pure gratitude, almost not believing how easy it turned out to be, making such a hard decision. Almost not believing how easy it turned out to be, talking to Iori on a windowsill with their shoulders touching and sun rising behind slowly. He couldn’t help but chuckle. Almost like in their old days.

“Thank you, Iori.” He said. “I promise to take care of her.”

“Keep her safe.” Utahime answered. “She has people waiting for her here.”

Gojo smiled. “How good of a feeling is it, to be waited back?”

The sun was rising slowly. Satoru moved a little bit closer, putting his head on Utahime’s shoulder. Iori chuckled.

And let it slide for today.

***

The morning turned out to be way easier than Miwa had imagined for herself. She got coffee refilled three times till she finally realised she wasn’t still finishing the first cup, and Maki cooked some breakfast for everyone, and Kasumi was pleasantly surprised to know that “everyone” somehow included her too. Nobara and Yuji talked her ears off non-stop, substituting one another from time to time. They talked about plans, about layout of the school, made fun of their teacher and praised staff members for being able to handle everything so smoothly. Others mostly spent their time in respectful distance from one another, but close enough to still feel together. It was… nice. It felt like Kyoto.

Which made Kasumi miss it so much.

“Also, Gojo-sensei wanted you in his office as soon as you wake up!” Itadori dropped casually.

Miwa felt nervous out of a sudden. “Shouldn’t I… be going then?”

“Tch!” Yuta waved his hand. “Take your time. As soon as possible in his language means during the whole day. Maybe he even won’t be around when you show up, it’s also possible!”

“Salmon.” Inumaku nodded.

“Oh.” Kasumi blinked. “Ehm, then it’s okay, I guess?”

Nobara, who was currently lending a hand to Yuji with dishes, flashed a bright smile. “Don’t even worry about it! If he tries to get you in trouble, send him to me. That’s gonna be an interesting attempt.”

Despite all the encouraging comments, Kasumi still decided to show up as soon as it was possible. She tried to help everyone with cleaning the kitchen, but was politely send packing by Panda and Megumi, who volunteered to finish everything by themselves. Kugisaki then took Miwa to her room immediately, just to “show around”, and somehow Kasumi ended up stuffed into her shower with a pair of new comfy clothes in her hands with a strict command to use “everything and anything inside”. It was beyond nice, this behaviour, and she felt guilty for being such a nuance for everyone, even though they all made everything possible to reassure her.

It was still… strange. But nice. But strange.

(She appreciated it anyway.)

Taking a decent shower for the first time in weeks felt like heaven. Miwa scrubbed her skin with shower gel so hard it turned red. She tried her best to get everything that happened in last three weeks off her skin, but it seemed to be rooted way-way deeper to be washed off so easily.

Nobara’s shampoo smelled heavenly. Kasumi tried her best to wash her hair quickly, but she memories travelled with unbeatable speed – she still ended up remembering the night after the incident. She remembered how she was sitting down on a chair next to a sink with Shoko trying her best to wash dried blood off of her hair. Her clothes were bloody and her hands were bloody and she still felt green tea on the tip of her tongue if she focused hard enough. The contrast was so shocking it left Kasumi dissociating under running hot water for good fifteen minutes.

When she stood in front of the door of Gojo Satoru’s office, Kasumi Miwa felt like a brand-new person. Still with her hair wet and with clothes a size bigger than hers, but not smelling like blood and tears anymore, which was enough of a win already, she knocked on a dark wood and froze in waiting.

There was some movement behind a door, someone was yawning and shuffled their feet while walking.

“I told not to send any reports to me today!” The voice whined. “No reports, no calls, no emails, no fax, no birds with letters, no… oh, it’s you!”

Miwa felt like sinking through the floor. The energy shift that occurred as soon as the door opened almost knocked her off her feet. “Good morning, Gojo-sensei.”

“Morning-morning!” he smiled, letting her inside of the room. “Glad to see you alive! If you were missing for a few more hours, I think we would pronounce you dead!”

At first sight, the room was no different from Utahime’s office: a desk, two guests’ armchairs, two windows and several shelves – but the more she looked the more details she noticed. Kyoto teacher held her workplace in way better organised mode, with alphabetical order in documents and several different systems to differentiate all the work stuff. Gojo, instead, kept everything in quite a chaos, with sheets of paper scattered around his desk and files full of documents hanging dangerously from the edge of shelves. He had a little more character inside of it, though.

There was a picture of a black-haired kid stuffed under a plastic coverage of the desk. A separate shelf was labelled as “kids” and even from the distance Miwa could recognise some names on the files there. There was a picture of first years all-together framed into a wooden frame next to a penholder that looked like it was made on a middle-school art lesson. Kasumi sat down on one of the armchairs and suddenly found herself feeling… calm.

“Did you sleep well?” Satoru asked.

“I did, thank you.” Miwa smiled back politely.

“I see Nobara got her hands on you.” He nodded, meaning her outfit, and Kasumi felt the urge to scan her appearance again. “Great. Means you can jump right into a work mode, right?”

A change of subject caught Kasumi by surprise. “Ehm, yes, I mean, of course I can!” she straightened her spine trying to look confident, but couldn’t find anything equally confident to say. “What exactly does work mean again?”  

Gojo laughed, falling into his chair on the other side of the desk. “Jeez, you really are a devoted student! None of my demons would say yes to work even if they knew what is waiting for them on the other side!”

Miwa didn’t know if it was a compliment or not. It must had been one, but somehow it didn’t quite feel right. Was she actually a devoted student or was she just too desperate and afraid to lose the last hope she had for getting better?

“Anyway, nothing that’s too heavy!” Satoru crossed his legs. “Ready for some little silly tests?”

Kasumi frowned. “Only… tests?..”

“Pfft, as if!” he laughed. “There is no way I’m gonna let you bury yourself in papers! There is stuff to do outside of a classroom and we could use a pair of hands like yours.”

It was weird to hear the strongest sorcerer talk about her like that. Miwa was completely aware of her own limitations, she knew that she was on the bottom of her class both with academical and practical results, and she grew peace with the fact that she probably would never exceed expectations. It was okay. There was enough of star students in both schools, Kasumi might had as well taken place as a regular one to maintain the balance of power.

“I’m not sure how much of a use I am.” She smiled sincerely.

“What a nonsense you say, little one!” Satoru sighed. “You found me for a reason, yet still you are so unsure of yourself. You know,” he said, “I may not seem like the most serious teacher, but studying under my wing requires a lot of effort.”

“I am no stranger to hard work.” Miwa nodded. “I had to work harder than everyone else to keep up with them, so I know what I’m talking about. Just… don’t want to make anyone disappointed.”

“The only person you should care about not disappointing is yourself, Miwa.” Satoru nodded back. “Here you go.”

He reached into one of the drawers and pulled out a plush teddy bear. It looked strange, had different eyes and was obviously sewn back together more than five times in different places. It didn’t look like a kid’s toy at all and Kasumi focused too much on this fact, forgetting to actually catch the thing when it was thrown her way. It fell on the ground a little farther away, so she had to get up to pick it back up.

“Sorry.”

Gojo waved his hand. “Forgiven for the first time. Now focus your cursed energy on it. Don’t worry, it’s not gonna do anything, I just need to see what we are dealing with here.”

There was little to no understanding of how the plush toy would had helped them in reevaluating her cursed energy outputs, but Kasumi had already felt like asking too many questions, so she decided to say none of them out loud. She nodded, holding a teddy bear on her knees, and went silent for a good second. This moment took her back to the day she got enrolled into Jujutsu High, when Utahime sat her down and they spent all evening testing her abilities and skills. It was… almost nostalgic, this little bear. Miwa couldn’t help but smile.

She didn’t notice how much time they spent in silence. Sudden comment made her jump in place, catching a poor toy midfall.

“Fascinating!” Gojo giggled. “I can see you wrapping this thing in your energy like a mummy!”

Kasumi looked up and saw two bright eyes looking back at her. She suddenly felt her hands shake. Now, when she was out of a deep focus, she noticed that a signature blindfold was pulled peacefully across Gojo’s forehead. The air seemed like inhaling sparkling water and felt tingly inside of her lungs. Somehow it gave her an uneasy feeling yet felt easier than their first encounter, since now Kasumi at least could breathe once in a while.

“Well, we’ll have to work on beating your distraction up though.” Gojo pointed on his desk and Miwa immediately placed a bear there, a gesture a tiny bit too quick for someone not panicking.

“Did you understand what’s wrong with me?”

He looked taken aback a little. “Wrong?” Satoru laughed. “Darling, there is nothing wrong with you! Your cursed energy flow is just different. Looks more suitable for curse users or previous generation’s sorcerers, which is… definitely a unique experience, but still nothing inherently bad.”

Despite not hearing it for the very first time, it was still the kind of information Miwa couldn’t wrap her head around. “But curse users are inherently bad.”

The way Satoru looked back at her was confusing, like he, at the same time, couldn’t agree more and wasn’t agreeing at all. There was something written on his face that felt similar to grief, but this realisation slid past as fast and unexpected as it appeared.

“What’s the difference between curse users and sorcerers, Kasumi?” he asked.

Miwa answered without a second thought. “Curse users are sorcerers who turned to the dark side.”  

The answer that was given looked exactly like a paragraph from their textbooks, Miwa was sure of it – she still remembered the fact that she got B- in history of sorcery basing her whole answer on this sentence itself. Gojo shrugged:

“Something else?”

Kasumi shrugged back. “I don’t… I don’t think so?”

“Tch, I’ve been telling them these textbooks are no good, and what now?” Satoru rested his head against his hand. “It’s the energy, Miwa. The main difference lies in their energy.”

Suddenly, she felt a taste of green tea on the very tip of her tongue. She recalled the sunrise making its way through half destroyed city, painting an ugly picture in warm, welcoming colours. Suddenly there was a voice in her head and the face of its owner right in front of her eyes.

"Maybe then he'll see your similarities with the body I own."

“Your cursed energy is thick, like a strip of fabric for example. It’s useless to channel it though weapons, especially though your katana – it was made for speedy fights and fast buy thought through movements. It’s no good for you.”

Miwa frowned. “But what is good for me then?”

Satoru tiled his head slightly with an honest smile on his face. “I genuinely have no idea.”

He slid a bunch of papers towards Kasumi and she rushed to catch them before they fall off the desk. She recognised the first one immediately – it was her own record from the first year. The girl smiling back from the picture seemed like a stranger to Miwa, but she couldn’t help but smile back anyway. She used to keep her hair way shorter than it was now, and her bangs were framing her face differently…

Kasumi wondered, if girl on the picture knew what she was getting herself into. If she knew that her world would be shattering again and again and again in less than a year, would she do it again?

The girl on the picture were still smiling at her, answering silently “I would, I would, I would.”

Next several papers were filled with different scores and grades and notes, obtaining too much words to go through them at the moment. Kasumi looked over them briefly, skipping page by page until she stumbled across a newer one.

“Kasumi Miwa, a secondary stuff member till the official end of The Tokyo Repairing Campaign.”

A reaction must had been written all over her face, cause Gojo laughed: “Don’t worry, there is no way we would allow a student into our archives! It’s just a formality.”

“Utahime-san signed it.” Miwa said, tracing a familiar signature with her fingertips.

“Yep, she did. Took me some sweet talks to make her, but nobody can resist my natural charm!”

Forgotten guilt rushed in with a new strength, covering her overhead, making her feel like she was drowning in a deep dark sea of her own stupid mistakes. Maybe, she shouldn’t had rushed so much? Maybe, she should had asked Utahime before leaving, maybe she should had embraced Momo tightly and help Noritoshi fix his haircut like she promised? Maybe, she should had talked to Kokichi a tiny bit more. Maybe, she should had stayed?

“Was she mad?” Miwa whispered. “I ran away like a coward, she must have been really-really upset.”

“Pfft, are you kidding me, little one?” Gojo leaned back into his chair. “She was never even slightly mean towards you! She gave me a run for my money before even taking a look at these files, but she didn’t even think about blaming you! Dear, she might not look like it, but she’s ready to rip anyone’s head off for her students. How could she be mad at you, a child, for wanting to explore their own destiny?”

Somehow this explanation didn’t make Miwa feel any better. She looked through the papers again, trying to find something that would ground her, something that would make her whole being stop aching so much, but there was nothing that could possibly save her damned soul. Kasumi Miwa made a decision and there was no possible way to give it back even if she begged for it to be returned. The room stopped feeling cozy, the sunlight stopped feeling nice against her skin. The school was unfamiliar and cold. A girl with shorter hair and brighter smile was looking back at her from an old photograph.

Was there even a smallest chance that she would had been proud of them for getting so far, Miwa thought to herself, was there even a smallest chance she would had been proud of me?

“Tonight there’s the first gathering scheduled, I instructed Yuta to snatch you there on time. Don’t worry, it’s just an introduction of the main plan. Locations, main goals, etcetera-etcetera!”

“What am I going to do there?” Miwa asked quietly.

“The same thing that everybody else will be doing there,” Satoru answered. “Helping people.”

He was kind enough to help her back to the student’s wing. They were walking in a complete silence around unfamiliar cold corridors, and Miwa felt her hands trembling from grasping onto papers so hard. It was funny to think that it was the first time in years that she actually felt homesick to the point of being sick physically, and it was triggered not by being away from her blood family, but by being away from her friends and school.

The war changed everything, it changed them all so much it was impossible to remember how things were before it. They weren’t that close before everything went down, but the sudden fall made them all cling together like some kind of frightened animals. They were kids when it had started and they remained kids when it had ended, and, as kids do, they held onto their friends as strongly as they only could, hoping that if they hugged each other tight enough they would somehow push the desperate sadness that was stuck inside of them out.

Miwa felt stupid for fighting Mahito, not because of losing the fight itself, but because of losing her phone in the process. It would had been so great to text Momo right now, to see Mai by her side muttering something unsatisfied, would had been great to send greetings to everyone in the room and exchange some words with Utahime…

It would had been great to call Kokichi.

“The person I reminded you of,” Kasumi said suddenly. “Were they… nice?”

Gojo chuckled and it the answer felt strained. “The nicest, kiddo.”

Her knowledge about a person with a scar on their forehead was very limited, but despite it she knew perfectly well that they were anything, but nice. She waited for a different answer, for a little background, a little peek into the history. She wanted to know how they died and what led to that point, wanted to know where they took a wrong turn so she wouldn’t turn out the same way too. She didn’t expect Satoru Gojo to lie to her face like this.

But if he was actually lying, why did his voice sound so sincere it almost hurt?

“Can I ask you a small favour, sensei?”

“You can always try.”

“I don’t have a phone on me right now. I wanted to ask if you have any old ones here that I can borrow? Only temporary, of course.”

Satoru turned his head towards her. “What happened to your old one?”

“Yuta said Mahito nailed in into the wall next to a place where I was kidnapped.”

“How nice of him!” Gojo laughed. “I’ll send a text to Nobara and she’ll be with you as soon as she can.”

“Thank you.” Kasumi answered. “I am sorry to be a bother.”

“We all are meant to be bothering each other, kid.” He smiled back. “It’s also something that will divide you from curse users. As long as you keep accepting the fact that people are made to be burdens, you will stay on the right side. Don’t let anyone make you forget it.”

Miwa kept walking side by side with the strongest sorcerer in the world and couldn’t help but think that he was the weirdest one too. They passed by corridors and hallways and doors, doors, doors…

“Wait,” he said, stopping in front of a familiar kitchen door. “Was this window always broken like that?”

Kasumi looked straight back into his face and lied the same way he just lied to her eyes several moments ago:

“I actually have no idea.”

Chapter 20

Notes:

my little vacation is over, so lets get back to work!!

“So, are we going to just… exorcise curses?”

Miwa looked up at Yuta and Maki circling her table. Everyone was gathered in a classroom just on time, but there were no teachers or facility members at sight. Inumaki was reading something on his phone with Panda napping next to him, Yuji and Megumi were playing something on their phones, regularly barking some silly nonthreatening insults at one another. Nobara was taking pictures of a class, being extremely happy to see them all gathered together, well and alive.

“Exorcising curses is mostly a secondary task.” Yuta reached out and rearranged Kasumi’s bangs in a more comfortable way. She smiled back happily. “While one part of a team will be busy with it, the other one will be closing blackouts.”

Miwa blinked several times. “Like, electrical blackouts?”

Both Yuta and Maki looked at her with a pure surprise in their eyes. “Eh, no? Cursed energy ones.”

“…cursed energy blackouts?”

Kasumi didn’t have a single second to start feeling stupid: Zenin straightened her back and slammed a hand against Okkotsu’s shoulders. He chocked on air, folding in half, and lost all feeling of surprise from his eyes.

“Yes, energy blackouts.” Maki smiled politely. “They happen when a support net is broken.”

Kasumi really wanted to understand, but there were no thoughts behind her eyes. Cursed energy blackouts? Support net? What were they studying in Tokyo and why nobody was talking about it in Kyoto? Or were they talking and Miwa just missed it? Maybe, there was one single day when they were studying, ehm, cursed energy blackouts and support nets, whatever it meant, and she missed it totally?

Maki and Yuta were standing next to each other, understanding the topic fully and at the same time not understanding how to explain it at all. There was a moment of total silence that was broken by a chair being dragged on the floor. Inumaki grabbed Yuta by his collar and moved him to the side slightly, making space for himself. He put a chair backwards and rested his head on his hands. Yuta raised an eyebrow and Inumaki signed several words.

“He wants me to translate stuff to you.” Okkotsu said. “If it’s okay for him to, eh, have this “teaching moment”?”

Miwa nodded. “Of course it’s okay.”

Inumaki smiled back.

“Okay, ehm, imagine a net, like a spider’s one.” Yuta started translating, his eyes focused on Toge’s hand movements. “This net covers all Japan, but we will focus on Tokyo. It’s a safety net made of cursed energy, and its centre considered to be Tengen himself. The closest strings to him are more stable and thick, and the farther away you are getting – more thin and weak they become. Oi, slowly, I don’t know how to say it!”

Maki on the side laughed. Nobara was making a little video of the whole situation from the background. Miwa couldn’t help but feel comfortable. Somehow the whole atmosphere made her feel more in peace, than in fear, and she was grateful insanely for it.

“So, also there are this places, like, places that have more cursed energy than others, I guess? Strings next to them also have more power and are harder to break. Our school, Kyoto school, some temples and, rarely, just places that by their nature have more cursed energy than others.” Inumaki stopped, making sure Yuta gets everything translated right, and then continued slowly. “Imagine you pull… pull on the net? Yes, you pull on the net in one place, like, really hard. The strings that have more power behind them probably will stay in place, but others can have cracks or even break in general. So, yes, you pull and it breaks, right?”

Maki nodded together with Toge.

“So, now we pull in several places at the same time. No, not at the same time? At the same time and not at the same time?” Inumaki rolled his eyes and signed again. “I still don’t get what he says, but lets say at the same time and not at the same time, it doesn’t matter. It will make the weakest points of the net break, leaving behind what we call cursed energy blackouts. Which is basically places where security net failed and now there is, like, nothing there.” They exchanged some words with Toge until Yuta started speaking again. “That’s what the Culling Game and the war in general did – it tugged on the net. In Shibuya, then in every place where the colonies were located, then in the center of Gojo’s fight… It was, eh, a lot, so now we have to deal with these energy holes raging in every part of the city and even some parts of Japan in general.”

There was understanding rising in Miwa’s head. “And what happens if there is a cursed energy blackout?”

“Oh, I can answer without you!” Yuta stuck his tongue out and Inumaki flipped him off with a smile. “Security net got his name cause when it works properly, it protects places from outbreaks of curses. That’s why we never have any curse problems inside of school or even near – cause the security net is the strongest here. Places with weak links of it have a higher chance of developing serious curse problems. So, if there is no security net,” Okkotsu said, “then curses will rush in with no opposing power, flooding a place to the edge.”

Oh. So, that why both Kyoto and Tokyo schools were totally safe from any curse connected troubles! It also explained how some people were able to save themselves by hiding in some temples. They usually thought the gods helped them stay alive, but on practice it was just… security net doing its job?

“And it can be repaired after it has been broken?”

Maki nodded. “Yes. Sorcerers like us can have a hand in this. Using out cursed energy we can stitch a hole in a net like a hole in clothes. Some people do it faster, some no, it totally depends on a person. So, while one part of the group will be dealing with curses, the other one will try their best to close them. After the damage is repaired, curses should stop coming in and we will be able to clean the area and make it safe for people to come back to.”

“That sounds just… crazy!” Miwa breathed out. “Did you learn it at school?”

“Yes and no!” Nobara screamed out from the background. “We are not supposed to know it yet, it’s from third year’s materials, but since the war started Gojo made sure we know which areas to avoid while running around!”

Kasumi nodded. “That’s very kind of him.”

“Pfft, dear, he just doesn’t want to fill in all the paperwork that comes with a dead student!” Nobara laughed. “Nothing too personal.”

Kasumi knew that there was a lot of personal inside of this action indeed, but didn’t say anything in return. It was a lot of information to digest in a very short amount of time, so she tried to categorize everything in her head carefully. Safety net protects Japan from curses invasion. Places with weaker links have more curses, places with stronger have more. The war started “tugging” on the net and now the weaker links broke, leaving them with cursed energy blackouts, and now these places are full with curses. They can repair the net by using… their own cursed energy. Dear god, it was a lot! How come nobody had even heard about it in Kyoto before?

“Thank you all a lot for filling me in. I fell a little stupid, but I promise I won’t be a burden on y…”

Inumaki reached his hand over the table and clicked his index finger on her forehead. It wasn’t painful at all, but Kasumi still ouched. “Fish flakes.”

“He means…”

“I think I understood.” Miwa smiled and Yuta shrugged, dropping her a happy smile too.

She raised her hand and tried to sign as clear as possible. Thank-you.

Inumaki waved his hand absentmindedly, getting up from his place. He was smiling.

***

Before this winter, there was nothing in the world that Kokichi loved more than an old-fashioned solitude. Before, he would spent days in his room with little to no human contact like it was nothing, finishing the whole year’s reading in just a few months. Homework, books, research papers about his condition – anything was worth a shot to overcome an increasing feeling of boredom. Muta never felt lonely, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t lonely at all. He was lonely all his life, so the feeling stopped bothering him. Kokichi Muta was chronically lonely as a fact and there was nothing to be done about it, at least he thought so.

After tasting freedom of life not restricted by his shitty health it was impossible to come back to bittersweet evenings filled with classical music and painful amount of books. Kokichi wanted to go outside, he wanted to see his friends, he wanted to use his powers, he wanted to feel like his body wasn’t bounded to one place again… he wanted to see Miwa.

These desires started with a simple longing for his friends’ company and were rising continuously towards a yearning for Miwa’s voice. Miwa’s voice, her face, her smile, the way she rearranged her bangs every time she was nervous, her hands and her hair… Kokichi would laugh out loud if he wasn’t laughing at his own pity self. He was already questioning if the kiss was real. He was already questioning if Kasumi would want to come back to Kyoto to begin with.

Utahime tried to be supportive in her own signature ways: brought him books, stacked a fridge with any possible cravings, were seeing him once a day for a polite wellness check. It really wasn’t that much of an effort, but for Muta it meant the whole world. Since they were the only people left in school besides regular visitors that Kokichi couldn’t think less about, it was really nice to know that she cared. He tried his best to care back, but both his actions and his words seemed weirdly strained. It looked like caring came as naturally to Iori as breathing, and he was a fish being violently thrown onto the surface by the waves again and again and again, leaping for air in panic.

It felt shitty.

Mai texted him now and then, but the conversation didn’t come out as it should had. She was too busy with her new responsibilities, and Kokichi was too blue to keep texting nonetheless. Others didn’t reach out to him personally, but were holding friendly small talks in their school group chat that Muta didn’t feel like participating in. He knew that Momo and Aoi were out and about exorcising curses and that Noritoshi spent the last four days next to the ocean on a work trip. Everyone seemed to be moving somewhere and somehow, and he was still there. Stuck and helpless, waiting for the verdict that would send him back to hell with a possibility of eight percent.

Oh dear god, he felt shitty.

Trying to get his mind off things, he opened Instagram. He didn’t use it often, it would be more honest to say that he didn’t use it at all, but colorful pictures and celebrity interviews were a great distraction for someone locked in his own room. He scrolled though stories of several people he was actually following: winter parties, pictures of bubble-tea and Christmas-themed mochi, a video of a kitten playing with his own reflection… Kokichi rewatched the last one good five times before swiping away. Maybe, if they allowed him to live long-enough, he would be able to get a kitten? Maybe they would be sharing an apartment with Miwa after graduation, and maybe on Saint-Valentines day he would dodge any responsibilities and go to a shelter to pick up a random kitten and bring it home as a gift? Or maybe it would be a conscious decision made together, and they would go and give a home for an elderly lonely cat to bright up it’s last years with a loving company? He could easily imagine Kasumi tearing up at a sigh of the most feral and unfriendly animal and choosing it despite pitying looks from the workers. Kokichi almost didn’t catch himself smiling.

Why was he so sure of this perfect picture after all? Was he just delusional or was it pure love how it was portraited in romantic movies – stupid, yet hopeful?

He chuckled, swiping to a next story. Immediately he recognised a face that looked back at him from a cute mirror-selfie. Oh, Kugisaki, hello? Muta most certainly didn’t follow her himself. When did Nobara get his phone? Kokichi remembered passing it to her in a taxi in-between of chugging alcohol turn by turn, but it was only cause she wanted to put in her number. Damn, this girl was fast!

There was little to no desire to see people from Kyoto in his system. It was childish and dumb, but Muta felt resentful towards them for no valid reason at all. He was bitter about the fact that they got to see Miwa every day, to know what was happening in her life, to share mornings and evenings and long quests and…

Suddenly it was hard to breathe.

On his screen, there was a picture. A photo of a small kitchen full of people. He barely recognised Megumi with his hair down sitting on a windowsill and Maki standing next to him. Panda was sitting in the corner, picking up sticks from his fur, and Yuta was helping with hard-reaching places. Yuji was the only one who noticed a camera, so he was smiling brightly back at Nobara with two fingers up in the air. On the other side of a table there was Inumaki sliding his phone to a person sitting next to him.

And a person sitting next to him was Miwa.

She was still in her Kyoto clothes with her hair looking a little messy, like she had just woken up from a nap, and she was holding a cup with both of her hands, reading something on Inumaki’s screen thoughtfully. She was smiling.

Kokichi felt his heart flutter in his chest. Miwa was smiling. She looked okay, she looked happy, she was okay.

He swiped past several reposts of funny posts in Nobara’s stories and felt a slight shot of jealousy meeting face to face to a pretty photo with Maki’s hand on her thigh. It was like the Universe herself reached down to him and smacked him upside the head: “Look at other people being happy!”. Next story was a small video from a classroom. Everyone seemed to be minding their own business on their assigned seats, but in the background he could noticed Maki and Yuta talking peacefully with Kasumi. Her clothes were different and her hair was neatly braided. Yuta reached out and rearranged her bangs in a more comfortable way. Maki smiled at the sight and Nobara giggled from behind the screen.

All and every story after that one included Miwa. The girls seemed to get along well, cause Nobata posted a pic of them three together somewhere in a mall, calling it “Girls’ Outing”. She took pictures of Maki explaining something from a menu to Miwa following with all three of them sharing a table full of snacks and bubble tea. She took a silly selfie in the mirror with Maki trying on a new skirt, then a picture of Miwa in a bright-pink shirt laughing. It was a weird feeling, to gather crumbs of information about Kasumi’s life from someone else’s pictures, but it was the most that Kokichi could had gotten, so he just accepted his fate.

And the fact that rewatching these stories made him look like a fucked-up stalker.

The last pic was published around half an hour ago. There was Miwa unpacking a box on a bench of a mall. It was taken by Maki, cause Nobara was sitting down next to Kasumi, helping her out. And it was all.

Together, there was not more than ten pictures and videos, maybe even less, but it felt like a treasure to Muta. Now he knew that Miwa was alright. She was in good hands, she was having fun and she seemed pleased to be there. She seemed happy, and it was the only thing that mattered. Kokichi put his phone away, rolling on his side. Would he be able to see her again? Maybe, to hug her one last time, to leave a kiss on her forehead? Would in be cruel to ask her to be the one who breaks their embrace because there would be no way Muta’s hands would listen to him at a moment like that? Would it be cruel?

An unknown amount of time went by with him silently lying down in an evening darkness of his room. There was nothing for him to do and nothing to be done about him. He heard someone walking past his room, probably Utahime checking if he was still there, but he honestly couldn’t care less. It was hard for him to get up these past days, hard to fall asleep and at the same time hard to wake up. It was a weird feeling to be always sleeping and to never feel rested at all. Maybe, he was getting sick? Maybe sitting on the roof that one night wasn’t a good idea? But there was no fever and his throat didn’t hurt, so if it wasn’t the case, then what kind of sickness was bothering him?

Muta heard a sound of notification coming from his phone, but he didn’t turn around. It took five of them to finally make him give up and take an annoying thing in his hands.

“hiiiiii!!”

“omg its so hrd to usde this keyboard”

“its so much bigger than mine was lol”

“anyway”

“its miwa!!!”

“I got a phone!”

Chapter 21

He looked back at the screen and felt his heart stop inside his chest, take a deep breath and start beating again.

“Hello Miwa!”

“I’m glad to hear from you.”

“How is it going?”

It did make sense in the end of the day. Since the girls were out on a shopping spree, they must had decided to get Kasumi a working communication tool, and somehow she ended up putting in his number. Only for convenience, Kokichi thought to himself, only for convenience and nothing more. For some reason he still kept talking himself out of a possibility of a girl that kissed him first liking him back. Almost like hearing his thoughts in her own head, Miwa texted him back.

“weirdly nice tbh”

“didn’t pay a single coin for this monster in my hands and got all three of my meals done for me by other people. scaaaaary”

“but I miss Kyoto sm”

Of course she did!

“and I miss you too.”

Muta didn’t know how could Miwa be so precious and open with him? How could she go out of her way only to drop something so meaningful so casually? But more importantly, he heard his own raspy voice reply in his head, more importantly is why he couldn’t. Why he, mister-I’ll-manage, mister-it-would-never-happen, mister-please-kiss-me-again-in-a-front-row and then kiss-me-in-a-backrow and then kiss-me-again-anywhere-anyhow-just-please-kiss-me-again, why he found it so complicated to write it back?

“Everyone misses you here too.”

“It has been pretty quiet since you left.”

“And somehow I don’t enjoy silence anymore.”

***

Despite feeling guilty for an enormous amount of money that got spent on her, Miwa found herself feeling way better after it. Suddenly, she had more than one pair of pants and some shirts that didn’t smell like blood and smoke. Suddenly, she could call her parents and listen to her mother rant non-stop for half an hour about their life and love with her dad laughing in the background. She could text her friends, could send them pictures of Tokyo she took on the way back to school from the mall, and look at their smiley faces in video-calls. She could write to Kokichi.

A call to Utahime would had been a great thing if Kasumi wasn’t scared to death of her reaction. Unfortunately, she was, so instead of hearing her teacher’s voice she found a compromise that looked as a ridiculously long message with an unneeded amount of apologies inside that still somehow didn’t feel like enough. At some point words lost all their sense to Miwa: what she was apologising for, why she was so graphic, so scared? She ended up distancing herself from the situation as far as it was humanly possible, getting deep into trainings and studying, but there were only so much places to hide from grief until it finds you again.

And it found her in the middle of a loud dinner with her newly obtained classmates. It was a short, but heartful answer from Iori that made Miwa retreat to her room quickly before falling apart in a complete darkness.

“Nobody is mad at you, my heart. They keep asking me when you come back. I promise you, there was never even a note of resent in me or any of your dear friends towards you. You are the best thing that Kyoto Jujutsu High has ever let go of.”

Training with other people from Tokyo wasn’t that much different from their usual training back at her homeschool. It was a tiny bit more intense, but Kasumi found this new challenge rather entertaining. Everyone was helpful to extents never imagined: Yuta spent a great amount of his own training time helping her with martial arts, Maki took her under her wing in resistance building workouts, Megumi let her hang out around his familiars here and there to help her fight the fear of cursed energy beings… Often she found Yuji and Nobara by her side as workout companions, both struggling with different problems – one had to learn how to manage himself in absence of the King of Curses, and the other one was going through a whole recovery, both physical and energetical, cause coming back from the dead turned out to be quite a chore – so Kasumi never felt lonely.

She still was mostly losing in sparrings with others, but couldn’t let herself loose her spirit too. Growth was there. It was silent and slow, but it obviously was there, and the last thing Miwa could afford is letting it down.

Days flew by unexpectedly fast. They turned into weeks full with constant trainings and little missions in-between. Workouts with everyone else, special late-night trainings, early morning runs with ice-cold showers afterwards… Miwa caught the wave of their overly full schedule and was riding it full-professional mode. If she was completely honest, she was amused of it herself. Kasumi was never a person to show up first to a five AM run or to ask someone to work with her on her technic long after the sun set, but somehow she still ended up there, filled with pure desire to proof herself. It seemed purely magical, this change, but it was rooted deeply in small changes that happened over past weeks.

On the first personal training, Gojo asked her to write down everything that bothered her head. Everything that was messy, painful, maybe some physical symptoms, some repeating thoughts or patterns. Miwa was shy in the beginning, but he assured her that nobody would see it apart from one specifically chosen professional. He told her that they can’t move forward with releasing her power if they won’t get rid of the blocks on the way, and leading by these honest words, Kasumi sat down and wrote, and, oh dear god, she wrote. At some point she finished two sided A4 sheet that was given to her, so Satoru silently slid another one across the table, and then another one and another one… In the end, they ended up turning six pages of really dark shit to that one secret Professional, that was supposed to help Miwa with going forward with her studying.

That was how Kasumi Miwa got tricked into seeing a therapist without even meeting them in person.

She figured out what kind of Professional – or more like Professionals – were on the other side, when Gojo-sensei showed up on her doorstep with a bunch of prescription pills in his hands and a long list of recommendations. Miwa recalled perfectly the moment she looked up at her teacher and tried to close the door in his face. Apparently, closing a door in the face of The Strongest Sorcerer was an impossible task, so the pills got accepted. After a small research Kasumi figured out that the pills were extremely, impossibly expensive, so not taking them was considered a five-stars crime in her guilty head. So she did. She started taking them, and she read the list, and she even shared it with Yuta and Nobara one evening and they supported her on this journey fully.

New Year was in two weeks. Kasumi Miwa was in Tokyo, in special grade Repairing Campaign, and on meds. Nothing from this list was in her last year’s resolutions and it was scary how much of a toll everything got after spring break. Who would have thought that far away, in the end of December, she would sit in training chambers of Tokyo Jujutsu High and curse the Almighty Satoru Gojo with the worst things she could ever came up with?

“I don’t feel anything!” she screamed.

“Then you will sit here until you start feeling something!” Gojo answered lazily, turning a page of the book he was reading. Miwa looked back at him with enough annoyance to make a mountain cringe. He didn’t even flinch. What an asshole!

She was sitting on the floor of a training room for the past three hours, trying to make a weirdly built lamp light up. It was her first time encountering an exercise that looked like it came straight from Harry Potter movies, and if Kasumi was completely honest, she didn’t believe in its helping power at all. How this freaking lamp could help her close energy blackouts? Everyone else was already out and about saving people’s homes in the most dangerous parts of Tokyo, and she was still in school, on the floor, with little to no understanding of what she was doing with her life.

“I’m hungry.” She said. “And I’m cold.” 

Gojo-sensei didn’t even look up from his book. “That doesn’t sound like a me-problem, sweetie.”

“Does anything in the world sound like a you-problem?” Miwa whispered back.

“Did you say something?”

“No.” she lied.

Satoru smiled back brightly. “I thought so.”

Anything and everything had already been tried, and for now Kasumi was completely heartbroken. Heartbroken, disappointed, hungry, tired… Nothing felt good and nothing felt like it would become good in the foresight future. The lamp didn’t light up and it wouldn’t light up, and she would sit here for ages, while everyone else made a difference, while everyone else was helping the world, while everyone else…

Miwa heard her phone ring in her pocket. Instinctively, she reached into it and looked at the screen. Kokichi was calling. Oh, she didn’t notice that it was already time for their everyday evening video-call. She looked up at Gojo, feeling a wave of confidence lift her up – now she was going to tell him that it wasn’t her thing, that she would try again tomorrow, probably, if she wouldn’t feel too sad for it, and for now she would stop making a fool out of herself and would leave. Kasumi had already opened her mouth, but couldn’t make a single thing come out of it.

Back at her were looking bright blue eyes. She felt her whole body tense up. Air started feeling full of needles again, a feeling she couldn’t explain well enough for others to get it, a feeling that one needed to experience at least once to fully understand it, a feeling that she hated deeply and wholeheartedly – it made her feel weak.

Using a moment of silence in his favour, Gojo jumped from his place and snatched a phone that was still ringing from her hands. “No distractions!” He sat back down and declined a call.

“Let me at least text that I’m busy!”

Satoru laughed. “If he’s smart enough he will figure it out by himself.”

Miwa took it personally. It wasn’t about a level of intelligence at all! Both she and Kokichi were extremely anxious when it came to any shifts in their relationship and very, very sensitive to rejection. It was never about someone being smart enough or anything like that, no, they both were incredibly intelligent human beings. It was about trust, about communication, about what they felt towards each other and how close they held these feelings.

Her phone started ringing again and Gojo scrunched his nose, tapping a red button without hesitation. “Jeez, children these days!”

“Give me back my phone.”

“I would rather not.” He smiled back. There was messages coming in, she could hear the sound of notifications and see them shining on a screen. This asshole! “Someone has to be really upset about you not answering, hah?”

Miwa straightened her spine. “I’m gonna leave.”

“No you aren’t.” Gojo laughed.

“You can’t force me to stay here.” She frowned. “I’m gonna leave cause I hate dealing with insensitive obnoxious people!”

Satoru didn’t seem bother by all the commentary. “Light the lamp and you’re free to go anywhere and to call anyone.” He looked at the screen again. “Does he know you put a heart next to his name? Pretty basic choice I’d say. Well, maybe he is just as basic, so it must be perfect for him.”

“Give me back my fucking phone!” Miwa jumped on her legs, looking down at Gojo. Even with his sitting they were almost the same height, so she must had looked rather ridiculous than strong.

“Light up the lamp.”

“I can’t!”

“We wouldn’t be there if you couldn’t.”

“But we are there and I can’t! You see I can’t!” she started getting emotional over a freaking lamp. She really couldn’t do it! She tried her best, she was trying her best over and over again and she didn’t succeed. She was tired, she wanted to have dinner and sit in silence listening to Kokichi talk till she fell asleep.

The thought of missing a call from Kokichi made her whole being feel deeply disappointed. What if when she finished for today, the time would already be too inconvenient for a long videocall that she liked so much? What if both of them go to bed feeling lonely? No. No! No, no, no, no, no. There was too much happening in the word right now to miss out on saying “goodnight” to someone who you deeply, truly… Cared about? There was too much happening to miss out on Muta himself.

Kasumi felt shitty. About herself, about Gojo Satoru, about her day full of almost-failed trainings and about these declined calls and unopened messages. She just wanted her peace and quiet, wanted her four-hours long call and a box of cereal she left on a shelf in the kitchen. There was no lamps involved in how she planned this evening to go, and no Satoru Gojo neither.

“Then you should try better.” He smiled. “And this stupid boy should try bett-“

It must had been the last straw, cause Kasumi reached out and grabbed a phone from her teacher’s hands without thinking. “Don’t you dare insult the people I love!”

“Great!” Satoru caught her wrist. “Great, but not at me.”

Gojo nodded and Kasumi followed his eyes instinctively. The lamp behind her gave some bright shine for a second before going dark again. Miwa looked at it with a pure expression of surprise written on her face. She stepped closer, touching glass coverage of a little lamp. It was warm to touch and awakened a weird sensation inside of her body. It felt like she was a child practising cartwheels, finally getting them right and then not having an ability to stop doing them all the time. It felt like succeeding one time had changed the way her whole system operated. Like her body suddenly understood, like her brain suddenly realised.

Miwa looked at her phone, at the lamp and back at her phone. Coincidence?

“You are free to fly, I know you lovebirds can only exist together.” Gojo waved absentmindedly. “But before you go. Miwa?” 

Kasumi looked back at him. Satoru took his black sunglasses from his head and put it back on. She felt her eyes widen in shock after she caught an understanding. Wait…

“Feels great to stand up for yourself in front of the Six Eyes, doesn’t it?” he smiled proudly.

It struck her like a lightning. Miwa looked at her phone, at her teacher and finally at this cursed lamp that caused her so much frustration this evening. Without a second thought, she reached her hand and tapped a warm glass lightly. It lit up for a second before fading away slowly. She did it again, enjoying a pretty spark, and then again and again and again. With each touch the amount of time it stayed on was rising. Kasumi tapped the glass again and it sparked bright yellow from an intense lighting. It went from yellow to orange really quick, and stayed there for a while. She took her hand away and watched the lamp.

It was still bright orange.

It was still on.

"Oh dear," Miwa thought to herself, "I might actually love him." 

Miwa – Declined call

Miwa – Declined call

“Text me when you are free, okay?”

Miwa – Declined call

“Hope you are alright.”

“See you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Miwa.”

Chapter 22

Notes:

I love love love this chapter, so I hope you enjoy it too!! Have a great week and don't forget to drink water!

When the door slammed wide opened that morning, Kokichi immediately understood what was going on. He turned to the other side, hiding his face under a blanket. The person marched right to the window, drawing curtains away from it, letting some good old sunlight into a cold dark room.

“Get up,” the voice said. “I have a free day!”

“Dear god, Mai, can your free day start at a decent time?”

Zenin’s answer was quick. “It does.” And, getting a sense of what was going on, she asked: “Have you looked at the clock?”

No, Muta thought to himself, I didn’t, and I wouldn’t even try to look at it before time goes well past typical afternoon. He wasn’t lazy, not even in the slightest, he was still reading books that Utahime brought and worked out at least three times a day. The fact that he didn’t remember anything that he had read in these books and couldn’t recall even a minute of his workouts was a completely different story. The goal was to keep himself in a suitable for jujutsu shape, and he did it, so everything else apart of that central goal wasn’t important anyway.

“Ew, this coffee is, like, a week old at least.” Mai scrunched her nose looking at cups gathered on a table. “Harvesting your own penicillin?”

So she wasn’t going to get off his back easily. Okay. Okay. Absolutely not a problem.

“Do you need anything from me?” Kokichi asked, turning back to face his friend.

“Yes.” Zenin said. “Need to get you out of this room.”

Seeing Mai was a great thing. Muta even could have confessed that he missed her a whole lot, but this confession would only happen in his own head. After apologisies for his behaviour after the party were accepted, everything went on as usual. They texted each other from time to time, messages slow and short, so Kokichi had a picture of what Zenin was doing in front of his eyes. Blurry and weird, it was there, and even so he could pinpoint that there was no way she had time for his bullshit in her schedule, even on a day off. It was a nice thing that she showed up, but Kokichi still thought of himself as a greatest burden – Mai certainly had better things to do on her first free day after two weeks, but pitied his useless self too much to let him drown in silence.

“Not happening.” Kokichi sighed. “You surely are good enough at your job to know that I can’t leave the school.”

Zenin in the background moved a trashcan in the middle of the room and started gathering empty bottles and other trash inside. Somehow it made Muta feel extremely aware of the state of his room. He tried to get up quickly and ended up seeing total darkness in front of his eyes for good thirty seconds.

“I am good enough to know it, but at the same time I am bad enough to share with you the fact that Utahime-sensei is out on a work trip.” Mai grinned. “A little walk around the city never hurt nobody, am I right?”

Kokichi sighed. “You’re getting yourself in trouble, Mai.”

“Tsch!” she rolled her eyes. “Not like anyone has the time and energy to give me hell for it.”

It was kind of right, that sentence. Itahime tried her best to support Muta, but it was obvious that she didn’t have much time to spare. She looked so tired, Kokichi was pretty sure she was busy planning things for school even in her dreams. It wasn’t healthy in any way, there was no trace of a normal work and life balance… It must had been hard, he thought to himself, but he had never seen Iori complaining. Everyone, and especially teachers, understood the situation they were in. Despite winning against King of Curses, they still had plenty of work to do. More than half of Tokyo was unliveable at the moment, and outskirts of Kyoto were not any better. It would take months of their collective efforts to pave the way for emergency workers and city heads, and it would take years until Japan licks its after-war wounds. There was no time for messing around.

And yet Mai was in his room, picking up his trash, taking away his cups and talking to him like he wasn’t the most useless part of the whole jujutsu world. It almost made him emotional. Kokichi sighed again.

“What do you want to do?”

“Coffee in the center?” she said absentmindedly. “But first,” Zenin looked up at him, “I wash the dishes and you wash your hair. Respectfully to your, ehm, mullet, it looks like something died inside.”

“I died inside.” Kokichi hurried to joke.

“You died inside.” Mai answered. “Go and make it smell like you are not dead outside too.”

***

Miwa couldn’t help her shaking hands. Inumaki spared her a jacket, thinking cold morning weather was a problem, and Kasumi was grateful for its grounding weight on her shoulders. She couldn’t find a heart to tell him that she was shaking due to raw unfiltered fear that snatched her in its embrace and refused to let go. It already was quite bad yesterday, when Gojo announced that she would be a part of the next blackout closing, and it only got worse with time. She was shoulder to shoulder with Toge in the backseat of a black car with toned windows, and every time it stopped on a redlight she could feel the panic start – were they there already? Were they close? Was it the last red light before the car drops them off in the middle of nowhere?

In desperate efforts to help herself with this fear, Kasumi tried to imagine how the second part of their group felt. Yuta, Yuji and Megumi were on the other side of their plan. While Toge and Miwa would be busy closing the blackout, these three would be playing a role of the bait for curses around it. Due to huge energy outputs, Okkotsu was the best in luring cursed beings towards himself and also was strong enough to ensure his classmates safety. It was the first blackout-centred mission for them and for Miwa too. Were they just as terrified as she was or did Yuta’s presence act like a natural sedative? Well, if it actually did, then Kasumi had definitely developed resistance from all these letters that they exchanged – even if she was in the same team as Okkotsu, she would be shaking just as much if not more. Dear god, was she actually that pathetic?

There was a light touch that made her turn her head towards Inumaki. He slid a phone into her palm silently.

“You worry too much.”

Miwa looked back at him with her big blue eyes opened wide. “I’m sorry. I can’t help myself.”

Toge shook his head in response to her apology and Kasumi shrugged. She knew she shouldn’t had said sorry, but this habit grew so deep into her, that she couldn’t see any other possible response other than that. Miwa got used to apologising for being too weak, too scared, too unprofessional… She got used to apologising for being a burden. Maybe, she thought to herself, maybe the fear that ate her whole being with its sharp teeth was not of curses, fights or death. Maybe, just maybe, it was a fear of failing once again. A fear of proving everyone right.

“Remember to focus on your hands. It’s gonna be k.”

Inumaki was nice to her and nice in general. They connected immediately from their first in-person meeting in the kitchen that one morning, and continued to nurture this weird friendship throughout last few weeks. Miwa would say that she considered him to be one of her friends, but she didn’t know if Toge would say the same about her.

“Thank you.” Kasumi whispered. “I will try my best.”

The car stopped so unexpectedly Kasumi almost hit a headrest in front of her with her face. Inumaki caught her shoulder just in time to save her nose from being crashed painfully, and Miwa dropped off another “thank-you” while opening the door in a hurry. As soon as they stepped out of the car, everything suddenly got real. Crashed buildings around, abandoned stores with broken empty vitrinas, roads blocked with huge stones…

It was hard to imagine that people lived in these houses less than two months ago, before the government issued an emergency evacuation for everyone. Miwa tried her best not to think about the people who declined it. She tried not to think how many dead bodies were scattered around the ruins waiting for emergency services to find them, for someone to bring them peace. No, no-no-no, she shouldn’t had thought about it in the first place. Dead people are dead, they are not coming back. Sorcerers were here to pave the road for those who still could come back, for those who lost their homes, those who were waiting patiently and hoping fearlessly.

They were here to help those who still could had been helped. And there was nothing wrong in saying it out loud.

Miwa accepted a headset that Toge held out to her and secured it on her ear. He did the same, and as soon as they connected, they heard Yuta’s voice ring in their ears. “West side is safe, but be quick, it’s… more crowded than we suspected.”

“So, the highest point, right?” Kasumi said and Inumaki nodded in return as they both found their eyes glued to a bright red radio tower. “Ready to climb some stairs?”

Toge let out a quiet laugh. Miwa suddenly felt her hands shake a little less than before.

***

“Didn’t know you fancy this sweet shit.”

Mai shrugged, sparing another look to her hot chocolate. “I guess holiday vibes got to me. New Year and everything.”

Kokichi took a big step away from her. “I do hope it’s not contagious.”

“Snob.” Maki sighed.

“You are no better, Zenin.”

A coffee place they settled down in wasn’t fancy at all since it was the closest thing that popped up on maps after putting in “coffee”, but none of them thought about complaining. It was cute and cozy, had pretty mugs that looked hand-painted, and one huge panoramic window that had a clear view of the whole street outside. A table next to it wasn’t free, but became one pretty quickly – both Mai and Kokichi wanted exactly that table, so they just stood on respectful distance from the couple occupying it long enough to make them uncomfortable and eventually make them leave. Both Mai and Kokichi wanted exactly that table and, to their own good, had no space left for shame in their systems.

“So, how’s… work?” Muta started.

He didn’t know what he could talk about and what he couldn’t. Zenin was his closest friend and Kokichi held their friendship extremely close to his heart. There was no chance he would forgive himself for actually hurting some parts of her soul that were still in pain.

Mai looked him straight in the eyes.

“Shitty.”

And after a thirty-seconds long eye contact both of them lost it. Kokichi laughed so hard he spilled some of his coffee onto his hands. It was his first time spilling something unexpectedly boiling-fucking-hot onto his skin, so he screamed out loud, making everyone in the store turn around to look. Even barista peaked out of the corner, checking if everything was alright. Muta saluted them.

The incident made Mai shed some tears into her hot chocolate from how hard she was laughing. Suddenly, there was no tension left. Suddenly, they were two kids in a cafe again, talking about their ups and downs. Kokichi couldn’t help a huge smile blooming on his face.

“No, but like, no jokes, it’s a huge fucking ass!” Zenin wiped her face with a sleeve of her sweater. “Did you know our archive looks like no one walked inside in, like, fifty years at least? I asked if they had a digital copy of the main documentation list and they said that they had it on CD before someone accidently put their teacup on top of it. My laptop doesn’t even have a CD slot!”

“Dear god, now I see why Utahime becomes so stressed when she needs to dig though our old stuff!” he laughed.

“And I don’t even want to begin talking about all the papers we have to go though from nowadays! Half of my day is separating dying docs from one another on dusty shelves and the other half is being pretty on head-meetings with higherups and high-rank families.” Mai took a sip of her drink. “These assholes didn’t even lift a finger to concur Sukuna and yet they are suddenly “deeply concerned” about jujutsu learning conditions!”

It was strange, talking about horrors that they had survived in a past tense. It seemed like they had just exited the battlefield, had just finished watching Gojo on small screens in a dusty office room. Muta couldn’t believe it had already been more than three weeks. Had time always been flying by so fast or was it a side-effect of him being locked in the school alone?

“At least you can go let out some steam with the others!” Kokichi smiled. “I read some files Utahime brought me. So you’re a “repairing damage team” that works on some mystical “blackout” closing now? Wows.”

“Oh, these ones?” Mai shrugged. “I don’t go on these ones, Kokichi.”

He looked back at her with genuine question in his eyes. “What? But why?”

“I don’t have cursed energy anymore.”

There was a moment of silence that was hard to break through. Muta was looking at his best friend sitting in front of him, and he couldn’t help but think how he couldn’t know? There was Yuta’s voice in his head saying something about cursed energy levels dropping, something about jujutsu, something that completely got lost in his mind, being pushed away from the proscenium deep into the backside. Right, they had never actually talked about the whole being dead thing. Right, he had never actually asked.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered. “I’m sorry I didn’t know.”

“Tsch, it’s fine!” Mai waved her hand. “I wouldn’t want to talk about it anyway if you came to me before, and I know you were busy with your own problems. I was dead, but at least I’m not gonna be dead, y’know?”

There was a seed of reason inside of Zenin’s words and Kokichi accepted it gratefully. He didn’t have energy to hate himself even more than he had already been doing these past days.

“Can I ask you… why don’t you have any?” he started carefully. “I thought Shoko patched you up really well?”

“She did. This woman saved my brain for literally being thrown into a trashcan. I spent more than fifteen minutes being, like, dead. Even the greatest doctors wouldn’t bring me back to fully functional life, but she did. I owe her, she’s a great lady. We talked a lot when I was under her care.” Mai put her cup away and rolled a sleeve of her sweater up.

There was a thin red scar on her forearm – a place where Yuta had to make a cut with means on hand – and the skin a little above had strangely different texture. Kokichi asked quietly and Zenin nodded, moving her arm closer. He traced scar tissue with his finger, noticing a low square bump.

“Yuta, that smart asshole, cut me open with his bloody katana, so Shoko just went with his initial idea, but in more civil way.” There must had been little to no understanding in Muta’s eyes, cause Mai continued slowly. “They injected a thin metal plate under my skin. It has enough of cursed energy to sustain my body, but not enough for me to be considered a sorcerer. I still see curses, but since I lost my technic and any cursed energy jumps could possibly send me into another cardiac arrest I am not allowed to fight anymore.”

Muta couldn’t find his words. There was pure magic under his fingertips, pure magic that brought his best friend back to life, but to a life that could never be the same. He didn’t know how to feel. It was regretful that he and Mai would never fight shoulder to shoulder again, of course it was! But how could he be sad, if she was sitting in front of him, alive and smiling? How could he be?

“It’s… It’s just…” he breathed in deeply, taking her hand in his. “How do you feel about it?”

“Honestly?” Zenin looked at him, squeezing his fingers back. “I feel bloody good.”

***

“Goddamn it!” Miwa coughed out. “How many stairs are there?”

Inunaki next to her laughed. He extended a hand and Kasumi accepted it gratefully. For a guy who was the same height as her, Toge was quite strong. It seemed like nothing to him – to reach and literally drag a girl up, casually putting down on her feet next to him.

She gasped. “Strong hands, hah?”

“Salmon.”

The way Inumaki spoke was still a mystery for Miwa, but it felt like she was getting closer to understanding it. In any way, Yuta tried to teach her some basic sign language and she picked it up quickly, so even if she wouldn’t master culinary specifics of Toge’s vocabulary, she at least would be able to hold a decent conversation with him. It would be nice, Kasumi thought to herself, to be able to talk to him. Inumaki was nice.

It was bad luck to have such a terrible weather on her first mission. Miwa zipped Toge’s uniform coat up to the chin, trying to save herself from ice-cold wind roaring on these heights. It seemed like a real possibility to be kicked off the Tokyo Tower by a random hurricane wave, so Kasumi found herself clinging onto the safety railing for her dear life. Cold metal made her feel grounded. She chuckled on how it sounded in her head – to be grounded hundred meters away from the actual ground. Was it indeed a funny way to say it or was it rather a nervous laugh?

Miwa was looking under her feet all the time, so when Inumaki reached his hand to stop her, she just walked into it casually. “Sorry.” She whispered, finally getting her eyes up from the floor. There was something else on the tip of her tongue, but it got deadly stuck there when her eyes met the reason of Toge’s sudden stop.

It looked like a whole fabric of the Universe materialised its injuries in a physical form – through the whole platform, getting up to four meters in length, trailed a long, black line. It was opening and closing, resembling a mouth filled with complete darkness, looking like an infected opened wound. Moving with the wind, it wavered from being barely visible to obtaining terrifying sizes. Miwa couldn’t breathe.

She was sure that if she wasn’t careful enough, this darkness would swallow her whole in one bite.

“Caviar.” Inumaki hissed back.

“It’s… it’s huge.” Kasumi said, her own voice sounding nothing like she remembered it to be. “How can we close something so… so terrible?”

Sudden fear got wrapped around her throat. How could anyone thought that she was ready for something like this? How could Gojo-sensei send her away like this? How could everyone else agree to have her as a partner? There was no way her freaking lamp tricks could help Toge close the blackout, there was no way anything from her skills could be much of help at all! Kasumi froze, not able to say a word. She watched Inumaki approach the darkness slowly. He reached out his hand, and for a moment Miwa could had sworn she saw blueish light cover his fingertips as he moved.

There was something entrancing in how Inumaki moved around the scene. He traced edges of the tear, and it seemed to move away from his hand, shrinking into itself. Moves of his hands looked practised, they looked like he had done this exact thing thousand times before. It was like cleaning spilled coffee on a white table: slowly decreasing the amount of dark liquid, to then give a counter that one last winning swipe. Kasumi couldn’t help but felt mesmerised. The darkness shrink and shrink and shrink. Until it stopped. And when it stopped, it took a second.

A second for it to snap back.

It came in a wave of pure cursed energy. The last thing Miwa remembered clearly before everything in front of her eyes went black was the feeling of metal railing under her palms and how badly she was grasping onto it.

Darkness was just a side-effect. It came suddenly and knocked Kasumi off her feet. Her ears ringed and her head felt too heavy to stay up, so she leaned onto the rail, pressing her forehead into its cold surface. At some point, her consciousness must had drifted away for several long seconds, cause she found herself slipping on the floor helplessly. She tried to push away from the ground, but her hands were trembling. It was when a flash of familiar black uniform came into her field of vision.

She wasn’t alone here. She wasn’t alone here and explosion didn’t hurt only her. Inumaki was way closer to the source of energy, was he okay? Was he safe? Was he alive?

The only thing in front of her eyes was colors. Blackish floorings of Tokyo Tower, red railing, silver hair of her classmate…

“Inumaki?” she shook his shoulder. “Toge? Do you hear me? Damn, do you hear me, Toge?”

Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no. It didn’t happen, did it? It just couldn’t had happened, not again, not again. Did she loose someone because of her inability to lend a helping hand? To be a partner that others could rely on? Did she loose someone again to being too helpless, to being too weak? Did she loose someone again?

And like reading her mind, Inumaki moved his hand slightly. And opened his eyes.

“You’re alive.” She whispered. “Fuck, you’re alive. Do you see me? Does something hurt?”

Her own head hurt deadly, but she still reached her hands and helped Toge into a sitting position. He had blood all over his face – it kept coming from his nose, staining pale skin deep red color. Kasumi reached into her inner pocket and took out a handkerchief.

“I’m going to touch your face.”

Miwa tried to stop the blood, but her hands were so shaky she ended up mostly making already messy situation way messier. Her own hands were now bloody, and sleeves of Toge’s coat he lent her were dirty too.

“I’m sorry.” Kasumi stuttered. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Inumaki took a cloth from her hands, movement unsure and wobbly. He tried to sign something, but Miwa didn’t catch it. Her head was in pain, and her eyes were still unfocused, and the only thing she could hear was raging wind. Did it become worse since last time she pain attention to it? Did everything just got… worse?

She felt a shiver go down her spine when Toge took her face in his hands and made her keep eye contact with him. Focus, Kasumi whispered to herself, focus-focus-focus.

“I am,” she read his lips slowly, “fine. I am fine. You are fine.” Inumaki nodded and pointed his index finger onto her chest. “Me? What’s with me?”

He swiped a thumb across her forehead and showed his hand. There was blood on his skin that wasn’t his. Miwa touched the side of her head that hurt the most and brought her fingers closer to her eyes. Oh. There was… blood. A lot of it. A lot.

“I am fine.” She repeated Toge’s sentence. “I don’t feel it yet. It’s okay. What… what we will do to… to it?”

Both of them looked at the blackout. It was raging even more than before, opening and closing chaotically, darkness looking back at them with emptiness that made their blood run cold. The first to break the silence was… Yuta. His voice rang thought their headsets, trying to get thought terrible white noise.

“I send them away… with Rika. Something… Hape… Something?”

Miwa pressed her headphone closer, trying to hear something besides the noise. “Yuta? Can you hear me? Yuta?”

There was a long pause before Okkotsu’s voice trailed again, unexpectedly clean.

“I need crowd control.” He said. “Curses are going your way.”

Chapter 23

Notes:

illustration to this chapter made by me myself and i is available on my tumblr

It would take Miwa years to forget the fear that coloured Inumaki’s face after Yuta’s voice disappeared completely. He seemed even paler than usual, blood dripping down his chin and staining hem of his shirt deep red. Kasumi knew that headsets died, even the white noise had disappeared, but she tried to talk back anyway.

“Yuta? Are you okay? Do you hear me? Yuta?” she pressed her palms to her ears to hear something besides the hurricane roaring around them, but it didn’t help at all. There was silence in return to her words. Silence and nothing else.

She tried to call for Okkotsu again, tried to turn headset off and on, but nothing changed. Her head hurt and there was still ringing in her ears that mixed with pain in a nauseating cocktail of sensations. Yuta couldn’t had gotten himself in trouble, could he? It was Yuta, the second to Gojo Satoru, he couldn’t… Nothing bad could had happened, couldn’t it?

Toge next to her was painfully silent. He was looking at his hands grasping onto the edge of his shirt, and his eyes seemed unfocused, seemed lost. Miwa knew this gesture well enough – knuckles turning white from the strength of the grip, mind racing anxious thoughts faster than the best computers in the world, graphic images of finding a body of your loved one, graphic images of being too late.

Being ruled by unknown force, Kasumi reached out and took Inumaki’s hand in hers. It took him a second to look up at her.

“Go get him.” She said. “I’ll wait here and make sure nothing worse happens to blackout.”

Toge shook his head. He took his hand back and tried to sign something, but Miwa’s head was still hurting, and the feeling of blood going down the side of her face didn’t help her ability to focus at all. So she took his hands in hers again, stopping him from saying anything. “I’ll be fine. I promise. Go and make sure everything is fine, okay?”

Eyes looking back at her were filled with hesitation. Kasumi knew it was a hard decision – to choose between her life and Yuta’s. She knew it was a hard decision, a scary one, yet she encouraged Inumaki to choose right. One could had argued that there was no completely right choice in this situation, one could had tried to even prove it… Miwa would laugh in their eyes if it had ever happened. Because she was lucky to love someone enough to know that there was a right choice. There was always a right choice.

And it was okay if making it put her own life in danger.

“You worry too much.” Miwa mirrored his message and Toge caught this little detail with a weak smile. “Stop wasting time. Go!”

She pushed him away and, almost like the strength of her hands was too much to resist, Inumaki actually moved. He got back up on his feet, holding onto railing for some feeling of safety, and he moved. Miwa watched as he headed to the stairs, and she kept watching until his figure didn’t completely disappear from her sight. She was alone now.

Kasumi turned her head back to blackout slowly. She was alone now and she had to do something with a breakage that kept raging even more than before. Oh well.

At least if she died she would die knowing Yuta wouldn’t have to fight on his own. Not again.

***

“You’re feeling… good?”

Kokichi was staring. It wasn’t nice in any way, shape or form, but he was still staring, eyes wide with shock. How could any sorcerer feel good after being robbed of something that made their life worth living, something that was their job, something that was their everything and anything… How could Mai sit in front of him with a wide smile and look so peaceful about it?

“Yep, as good as ever!” she smiled, squeezing his hand once again. “It’s such a freeing feeling, I can’t even explain how much better everything felt as soon as I finally let it go.”

“But…” he tried to find the right words, the ones that wouldn’t sound harsh or offensive, but there was a complete void inside of his head. “But you can’t… you can’t be a sorcerer anymore. Doesn’t it… doesn’t it bother you?”

Mai let go of his fingers to take a sip of her drink. “Well, I would be a liar if I said it didn’t bother me at all. It did, especially first days, but then I just… realised that it’s okay.”

“I don’t understand.” Muta said. “How can it be okay if it’s not?”

“I have never dreamt about being a sorcerer, you know. I started because of Maki, and then I just kept going, cause what else could I do if I have already started? And I kept going and going and going until I couldn’t do it anymore. Contrary to popular rumours, I wasn’t killed in Zenin’s mansion. I gave up on myself.” Mai shrugged. “It was so hard… to keep going after the war started. Throughout this whole time I was thinking that I have never wanted to be a part of it in the first place, but I still was there. It was… exhausting, not to say the least. I was exhausted.”

It was strange how calm she was talking. It looked like the situation didn’t bother her anymore, and Muta felt ashamed that he was so furious on his best friend’s behalf to begin with. If he thought about it more than several seconds, he could catch these angry thoughts by their tails and take a look at their roots. Kokichi wasn’t angry, that Mai wasn’t a sorcerer anymore. He was angry that he didn’t understand.

“And then they brought me back, and suddenly I didn’t have to fight anymore.” Zenin smiled. “I was properly sad in that hospital wing back then, but Shoko was kind enough to talk to me about it every chance she got. It made me annoyed, of course it made me annoyed, but now I understand how insanely grateful I should be to have someone like her to help me get thought these changes. I remember… I remember she asked me one thing.”

Kokichi let the pause ran as long as he could bear it. “Asked you what?”

“She asked me who I wanted to be when I grow up.” She said back. “And I said… I said “I don’t know”. I have never planned to grow up at all! My whole life was jujutsu: my family, my sister, my school and my near future – everything was jujutsu. I couldn’t imagine anything outside of it, so losing ability to be a sorcerer messed up with my mind a lot. I recall saying out loud that I wish they left me to die instead of bringing me back, and Shoko gave me the most painful vitamin shot she had in her fancy suitcase. I swear to god I couldn’t sit straight cause my left buttcheek was on fire even hours later!”

They shared a laugh together before going forward with a heavy conversation.

“I really thought I would be better dead.” Mai whispered. “And then I thought: “No, wait, it’s some bullshit! I don’t want to die.” I started thinking about all the things I wanted to do before. About a small apartment with a lot of flowers that I want to share with Momo, about that one bubble tea place that has matcha cheesecake in Tokyo. I thought about my friends a lot, and I thought about you too.”

Muta tilted his head slightly. “About me?”

“Yes. Don’t get too narcissistic about that one, okay?” Zenin grinned back. “I asked myself, if you came back to life not as a sorcerer but as a regular human, would it be better for you to stay dead instead? And the answer was no, of course no! I would still want you to be alive, and we would go to concerts, and to parks, and you would still beat my ass in sparrings…” she looked outside of a window, getting lost in the thoughts for a long moment. Kokichi didn’t say anything, letting her have all the time in the world. “If I would never wish my friends to be dead instead of being non-sorcerers, then why was I so eager to wish death on myself in the first place?”

There was a mutual understanding between them that could had been read without any words. The way they both looked the same way, following people on a busy street outside of the window, how they both chose silence instead of saying anything else. Kokichi studied people passing by the window thoughtfully. They were all non-sorcerers and lived their lives unaware of darkness that surrounded them at all times. Were they going to work? To school? To meet their loved ones in a cute café with a big window and extremely hot americano? For the first time in his life Muta found himself wondering if they were actually as different as jujutsu society painted them to be.

“Did you notice they don’t hand out university brochures for us?” Mai asked quietly, still looking outside of the window. “They don’t talk about us working after graduation, or us studying somewhere, or, like, anything else that is not a part of our endless jujutsu life. It’s like they don’t wat us to know that there are other options out there. Like they don’t want us to know that we can choose not to die on their hands before turning eighteen.”

Kokichi turned his head to her slowly. “It’s because specifics of our school is so different. We can’t just go on, leaving jujutsu behind. We are sorcerers, the world needs us.” 

“But did the world ever asked us what do we need?” Mai said. “Did the world ever asked us if we wanted to fight in this war, if we wanted to die there? Jujutsu society has plenty of wealthy high-rank families that resident in Japan, mine included, but the ones to die on the battlefield still were us.” She looked back at Kokichi and her eyes were as serious as ever. “Have you ever wondered why did they send highschoolers to fight a world-known King of Curses instead of gathering actual adults?”

“It’s purely for convenience.” Muta said unsurely. “And Sukuna was trapped inside of another student’s body, so it was school’s problem…”

“Was it really? Was Kenjaku with his Culling Game also a school’s problem, was Mahito a school’s problem too?” Mai put her hands on a table, intertwining her fingers together. “There was so much more to this war than just Sukuna. The Culling Game, reincarnated sorcerers, sealing of Gojo Satoru – everything that happened had such a big impact on the whole sorcery world it just couldn’t go unnoticed!” she took a deep breath in, visibly trying to keep this conversation going chill and calm. “And yet everyone else ignored it. And yet we still were out there fighting for our lives while the higher-ups were watching us like some wild violent reality show.”

Was it coffee being too strong or conversation being too serious, but Kokichi felt his head starting to hurt. It was a deep throbbing pain. Dull and annoying, it followed his every move, making his body feel weak and fragile. “I don’t understand where you are going with this, Mai.”

“Just talking.” Zenin shrugged. “Wanted to share stuff that was stuck in my head 24/7 since the day Shoko woke me up from my deadly nap back then.”

He didn’t want to think about it, but it was too late to play dumb in front of his own mind. There was life apart of jujutsu that he had never thought about before. There were universities, and jobs, and different cities, countries, hobbies… The world needed sorcerers and Kokichi Muta was the most sorcery-like thing ever. He was born with cursed energy running in his blood, he was killed by it and he was brought back by it too. There was nothing else that he could had been rather than a sorcerer.

At least it was what he had believed all his life.

But what if there was life for him out there? What if there was a nice place to live in, a job that didn’t require injuring himself over and over again, a bunch of Sunday evenings spent with friends and… family? What if there was a family for him somewhere out there? He tried to imagine a table in a small but sunny dining room, tried to imagine someone holding his hand and placing a kiss onto his cheek while kids were laughing in the background. He tried his best to imagine it, but there was darkness in front of his eyes that he wasn’t strong enough to fight off.

“Do you know what you want to do… in the future?” Kokichi asked quietly.

And almost like lifting a burden off of his shoulders, Mai smiled back: “I have no idea.”

It was a good feeling, not to be alone in being lost. Maybe, Muta thought to himself, if both of them had no idea what their lives might look years after, it didn’t mean that they wouldn’t have them at all. Maybe it meant that they spent so much time fighting they couldn’t imagine that someday they could just… not do it anymore.

“But I know that I want to have a small apartment in Kyoto, and I want living room to have plenty of space and a little open balcony. I want it to have a nice pullout couch, so we can host people from time to time. Maybe even little parties for close friends, you know?” Zenin was smiling. She was talking softly and all that time she was genuinely smiling. “I have the right for half of Zenin clan fortune, but I still probably will stay working as a facility member with Utahime. She really needs someone who can help her deal with all this shit they’re throwing at her. And! And, it pays well. And I mean, really well. It’s a more stable job than taking missions as a sorcerer, but it pays mainly the same, so its nice. This way I can put some money aside…”

Kokichi chuckled. “You turned out to be quite a financial planner, Mai!”

“Oh, shut up! Like you are the one to talk, mister “my saving’s account will feed me till the day I die!” Mai reached over the table and pinched his forearm.

“Ouch!” Muta made a face and pulled away from her. “Perks of being disabled all my life! I knew me being a lab rat would pay off in the end!”

“Smartass!” Zenin rolled her eyes theatrically. “But jokes aside, yeah, I am kind of into all this investing and saving stuff. Me and Momo come from… quite different upbringings, so I want to have enough money for her to be able to quit jujutsu if she would ever want to do so.” She smiled, looking at her hands attentively. “I don’t want her to rely on dangerous missions to have a great life. I want to be able to give her that said great life, so she can quit and find something peaceful for herself when the time comes.”

Seeing Mai get all adultly all of a sudden really slammed Kokichi upside the head. Being too concerned with hopelessly romantic aspect of his feelings towards Miwa, he had never thought about something at least half as serious. It was always so far away from him, that ghostly possibility of having the right to hold her hand, to call her his. His partner, his lover, his anything and everything… It was something from faraway dreams, and faraway dreams had a habit of heavily lacking practical side of the question.

“You are so sure of everything it makes me feel stupid.” He said honestly. “I’ve never thought about the future at all.”

Mai sighed. “Cut yourself some slack, Kokichi! You spent most of your life in the basement and half of your new life fighting a war. Of course you didn’t think about the future! I didn’t have even half of your struggles and still didn’t think about it till the day my heart literally stopped, so…”

“Are you telling me I have to die again to start thinking? Cause the first time didn’t seem to affect me proper… Ouch!” Zenin reached over and pinched his hand once again. “Stop it! Mai! Ouch!”

She hissed something so angry it became inaudible, but put her hands back on their place finally. “I’m doing god’s work, asshole. Miwa would be grateful that you have such a smart friend! Dying again, tch! What a nonsense!”

Kokichi would never say it out loud, but that reaction made him feel… warm. Like his heart suddenly started feeling easier than a moment before. Somewhere deep inside there was a thought that kept him awake at night, a thought that he came back way too broken for everyone to great him happily. Sometimes he stared at the ceiling for hours, trying to understand if his return was as good of event as Utahime was painting it to be. In the end of the day, he brought problems to everyone. He brought problems to school, brought stress to his classmates, brought a huge danger for Utahime-sensei, who risked her own life putting his soul back together. It was nice to see someone being so opposed to an idea of him dying again.

“Thank you.” He said.

Zenin rolled her eyes. “Dumb bitch.”

They sat down in silence for quite some time. At some point the amount of people outside of a cafe doubled – it was lunchtime, so everyone was hurrying to grab a bite from their favourite places. Even a silent café that they chose suddenly became way more crowded. People were talking about the weather next to the counter, discussing upcoming New Year and showing pictures of gifts that were already wrapped. Kokichi saw barista write their number on a piece of paper and slide it towards a handsome queer person sipping their latte next to the counter. They accepted it keeping their cool. Muta watched as they exited café minutes later, holding this piece of paper firmly in their hands and smiling so wide and happy it was fun to watch. Driving by a habit, he reached to check his phone.

It was just time for Miwa to come back from her first mission in Tokyo. Was she too tired to talk or was the mission still going? Was she alright? Okay, no. Muta shook his head, putting his phone back into his pocket. She would text when she would be free. Period.

“You know,” he said, surprising even himself with that decision, “I freaked out too much about you not being a sorcerer anymore. I’m sorry if it came out wrong. I am very happy for you, Mai, genuinely happy. It’s just…” Kokichi bit his lip, looking away from his friend. “It made me wonder if I will ever find something to live for too.”

“There is always something to live for.” Mai said. “You just have to be brave enough to find it.”

***

Another strong gust of wind made Miwa fold closer to the ground. There was blood all over the floor, handprints and trails of it, and Kasumi tried her best not to look at them for too long. It made her nauseous to think that her hair was stained with blood all over again. It made her nauseous to get reminded about the time Mahito almost killed her. Did something change since it happened? Did she change?

Blackout was getting larger. Each time it opened its mouth filled with terrifying darkness, it took progressively more and more space. Was it just a coincidence or had the weather became way worse since this lost energy snapped back? What could she do if it was actually getting so much fucking worse? Kasumi took off the headset and threw it on the ground. It left a bloody trail on black floorings. She felt even more nauseous.

Why was she still alive if she couldn’t do anything to help her friends? How come the Universe put its hand to saving her pitiful soul and not souls of thousands and thousands people dead and injured during this war? Blackout was raging in front of her eyes, and she could only watch as it was slowly swallowing Tokyo Tower. Would she die if she just… kept still? Would this death feel the same as when they shook hands during the Culling Game or would it feel more welcoming this time, hugging her shoulders like a good old friend? Maybe if she just kept still…

“Promise me you will come back, Miwa.”

Right. Right, right-right-right, she made a promise. She made a promise and sealed it with a kiss on his lips before going away. He said he would always want to talk to her, he said he would always be waiting. Kasumi chuckled, feeling tears sting the corners of her eyes. Kokichi, she called out in her own head, will you accept me back if I turn out to be a complete failure? She asked it again and again and again, until the wind in her ears started to chant “I will, I will, I will.”

Miwa remembered the train. She remembered screaming, holding little wooden doll with his voice in her hands, and crying so hard her lungs started to burn. Time was passing, and she was still crying, and even when she was too exhausted to keep her eyes open, tears still kept coming – silent and full with grief, they were running down her cheeks until she passed out. And never woke up the same.

There was Momo’s face in front of her eyes. Momo’s exhausted face stained with dirt and blood, her palms with deep red marks from her own nails, her eyes that seemed so unfamiliar and cold Kasumi almost didn’t recognise her best friend. She remembered helping her to clean herself. How she rubbed her skin with wet napkins from the closest abandoned store, brushed her long hair, poured alcohol onto her wounds and watch her not even flinch. Miwa remembered how she turned away for just a second, and when she looked back, she saw tears painting Momo’s face. Silent and full with grief, they were streaming down her best friend’s cheeks, and Kasumi knew how it felt. So she hugged her until her shoulders stopped shaking, until Nishimiya passed out on her lap peacefully. They didn’t know if Mai would survive till days and days later, but at that moment, threading fingers through long blond hair, Miwa promised herself, that she would make everything that was in her power to save her friends from ever having to face the same grief-filled tears that she had to endure.

She made a promise. How could she let everything burn without even trying?

Her hands moved by themselves. Slowly, they pushed the ground away from her face, making her meet blackout once again. Carefully, Miwa crawled closer. There was blood on her cheeks, there was blood in her hair, there was blood deep under her fingernails… She sat down as close as she could possibly get without touching the energy wound opening in front of her. And closed her eyes.

Suddenly, the wind in her ears became quiter, and her hands started to shake way less than before. There was darkness in front of her closed eyes and it brought her peace. Her name was Kasumi Miwa, she was a student in Kyoto Jujutsu High and a part of the Tokyo Repairing Campaign. She was just turning seventeen. Her name was Kasumi Miwa, and she made too many promises to let herself die without trying. Blackout fluctuated again, and she felt it brush against her skin, burning.

It started with a sound – like a little bell rang several times, fading back into the darkness. Miwa called back out, but nothing came. It repeated in some time: the same bell sound that disappeared in a second. There was darkness around her, and the sound seemed to go from every direction at the same time. It rang again, and for some reason Kasumi knew it was her last chance. So she raised her hand and touched emptiness in front of her, like a little strangely shaped lamp in a training room back at school. She touched the darkness.

And suddenly, it lit up.

It wasn’t a spark, it was more like… like a shining? Like a little light answered the touch of her fingers, and it created waves going around the darkness similar to ones you get after throwing a stone into still water. Almost like answering, the bell rang again, this time differently. And Miwa reached her hand again, tapping into nothingness like a moment before. And the light came back again.

This energy exchange repeated several times, but nothing changed. Everything seemed perfectly right, but for some reason Kasumi knew it wasn’t. If she was succeeding, then there should had been some growth, some improvement, at least something that she could had grabbed into her palms happily, something that could had powered her slowly dying hope. Instead, the light seemed to get weaker each time it came.

She tried to open her eyes, but the darkness didn’t go anywhere. It stayed there, and no matter how hard she tried, none of her moves actually changed anything. Did blackout come too close? Did it swallowed her whole? If it did, why there was no pain left to feel? It burnt the first time they touched, it must had still be burning. Then why?

The bell rang again, and this time Miwa moved her hand as soon as it came. If she counted right, the interval between every sound was around twenty three seconds. If she counted right, it should been coming right… Right now.

Kasumi touched the darkness just when the bell began to ring again. And something happened.

The light from her fingertips expanded, this time reminding a small ball instead of a little firefly. The waves seemed to get bigger now, extending farther away from the centre. Oh, Miwa thought to herself. Oh.

She was never too good at studying, her grades were average both for practical and for theoretical part, so, if she was completely honest, she had never found herself to be smart. Kasumi knew she wasn’t completely dumb either, but it didn’t change a simple fact rooted so deep into her brain it was hard to imagine otherwise – she wasn’t smart. She was average, she was “passing”, she was normal, but she wasn’t smart. Miwa chuckled on the thought as she touched the darkness again, synchronising with the sound, and watched the light grew bigger and bigger.

Kasumi was neither strong nor smart in her own head, but still here she was. Moving her hand slowly, seeing her fingertips glow slightly in complete emptiness she got trapped in. Next time the sound came, she tapped her hands several times, trying to resemble the rhythm of bells following her around. And she heard the wind.

It was quiet, raging in the back of her mind, but it was there. Together with the wind Miwa heard a sound of a blackout – it seemed so close she felt it itching inside of her head. She heard a voice. Someone was screaming. She couldn’t recognise it, couldn’t distinguish the words, so she did what she was supposed to do.

She focused on her hands.

Tap again, again and again. Hear the sounds of the bells ringing softly. Ignore the voice screaming. Not recognise it. Tap again. Watch the Universe unfold under her fingertips.

“It’s okay.” Miwa heard her own voice saying. “It’s okay.”

Suddenly, instead of tapping into an invisible energy, her hand sank inside of something dark. It felt like touching black resin, having your fingers stuck inside, and it trailing with your movements like some type of cursed energy gum. Kasumi knew it was the moment she finally got close enough to blackout, because black substance on her hand gave her blood the same cold feeling as looking inside of a breach before. She blinked several times, and finally saw its outline: stretching alongside an invisible wall, it seemed to raise up to ten meters in width. It must had send a rush of chills down Miwa’s spine, but for some unknown reason… it didn’t. It didn’t feel dangerous.

It felt familiar instead.

So Kasumi reached her hands, fingertips still glowing golden, and tried to copy movements she saw from Inumaki before. They came out looking similar, but still unmistakenly hers. Corners of blackout started to shift slightly, following her hands, and it felt like moulding a plasteline figure. Every move was still synched with bells ringing in the background, but very soon Miwa caught herself just following her own count. It became really hard to distinguish the leading sound – gusts of wind started to overlap with it, mix together with someone’s familiar voice.

Wave after wave, Kasumi was moulding blackout closed. It shortened, becoming smaller and smaller, until it finally turned into a thin line.

“I’m sorry for all the pain that we caused you.” Miwa said “The war was never fair to any of us.”

She heard the bells once again. And swiped her hand, watching as the line she was looking at disappeared at all.

When the darkness finally slipped away, Kasumi saw the sky in front of her eyes. It was still dark, almost rainy, but there was a piece of bright blue color shining back at her. Hurricane got substituted with light morning breeze. She chuckled, feeling her head spin faster and faster with every upcoming second.

The voice rang in her head again, making Miwa turn around, and she saw Inumaki holding Yuta back by his shoulders. Both of them didn’t look frightened – they looked terrified. Why, Kasumi found herself asking, everything was okay, wasn’t it? She tried to wave her hand, but her arms didn’t move like they should have.

“Hi!” she couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m so glad you are okay.”

With the last word her body finally gave up.

And the pain finally stopped. 

 

Chapter 24

Notes:

*sits down at the table with a suit and a tie*
the whole jujutsu world is problematic and i will prove it with my 60k fic

When Miwa opened her eyes, there was nice warm light around. There were quiet sounds coming from the window, and if she focused a little bit she could feel fresh smell of rain. Her head hurt, but the pain was nothing compared to the one that followed her till the end of their mission. Till the end of their mission… Oh, yes, she was on top of the Tokyo Tower with Yuta and Inumaki! Trying to gather memories around, Kasumi stumbled upon their terrified expressions. Did something happen while she was, well, out of her mind? Did something bad happen?

A room she found herself in was bright and spacious, and after finally taking a closer look around Miwa understood, that the place that was surrounding her was probably a hospital wing of Tokyo Jujutsu High. She instinctively reached over to her wrist, finding a bluish band with her name on it. Yep, admitted in officially!

It was rather a strange decision since Kasumi didn’t feel the urgent need to be placed there, but apparently she wasn’t the one to make it. Her whole body felt tired, it felt like she had just finished running the greatest marathon of all times, and her head was still bothering her, but in general… in general she was fine, wasn’t she?

Driven by a habit, Miwa tried to run her hand through her hair only to find out that half of her head was thoughtfully covered with bandages. She remembered Inumaki’s eyes filled with concern and how he touched the side of her head lightly. There was blood! Dear god, Kasumi had almost forgotten that there was blood to begin with! Did she hit her head after the energy breach snapped back at them? She didn’t quite remember it. There was a lot happening, it was hard to wrap her mind around everything at the same time.

Her moves were slow and preplanned: take the blanket off, drape her legs off the hospital bed, slid down on her feet, carefully keeping her balance. Okay, it wasn’t terrible. She could work with that.

Walking was quite a chore, but mostly cause her head was spinning and spinning, making Kasumi do frequent stops on her journey. There was no plan in her head, nothing special, no thoughts about her destination at all. She was walking just because staying at the same place felt impossible. Staying alone in this white room felt impossible.

Corridors, hallways, doors… How long was she walking? Fifteen minutes? Twenty? At some point Miwa sat down on a windowsill to catch her breath and spent five minutes studying the view on the other side of its glass. It didn’t look like New Year’s Eve at all. Was it always so quiet around here or was it because everyone was too busy to be roaming halls and gardens? Was it also that lonely in Kyoto?

The one and only recognisable thing was a broken window Kasumi stumbled upon after making several right-wrong turns. She remembered it, it was a window in front of the kitchen door that Panda broke the first day she got in Tokyo school! Without a second thought, she slid open a kitchen door…

Empty.

It looked like everyone disappeared from this cursed place! Miwa found herself being unusually frustrated by this fact. Maybe it was because her head was acting so weird, or because her whole body ached to be put in a sitting position, or everything together in a mix of annoyance and tiredness? She closed the door shut and headed straight to the point – the point being a small coffee-machine in a corner.

Kasumi didn’t know how much time did she spend drinking her typical sweetened black coffee at the kitchen table, but it must had been quite a lot, cause her head started to feel easier and her body felt a tiny bit more rested than before. Also, there were sounds! New sounds! They were coming in from different sides of the room: cars outside of the window, clocks ticking on the wall, someone’s phone ringing in a hallway, anxious steps getting closer… Anxious steps getting closer?

“Then search it once again! I don’t care that you already did it, she couldn’t just walk away by herself! It’s a hospital wing for a fucking reason, okay?” the voice sounded familiar. It probably was planned to come off strong and directing, but it felt too stressed and scared to do so. Miwa found herself feeling bad for the person screaming. They must had been really-really tired.

Steps were getting closer and closer and closer, until they stopped in front of the kitchen door. And suddenly, it slipped open. Kasumi looked back at the person in the doorway with no thoughts behind her head.

“Hi Yuta!” she said.

Okkotsu leaned onto the doorframe so heavily it made a small crack. “Kasumi Miwa,” he breathed out, “what the hell are you doing here?”

Miwa blinked several times. “Coffee?”

It was an obvious and innocent answer that made Yuta fold in half, pressing his forehead into his knees. The whole picture gave off some concerning vibes, so Miwa stood up to see Okkotsu better. He spent some time rocking down and forth, whispering something in an unknown to her language, and then pulled out a phone and initiated a call without even looking at the number.

“All-clear.” He said. “She’s in the kitchen having… having coffee. Yes, coffee. No, I’m not gonna ask…” he took a deep breath in and looked up at Kasumi. “Do you have some of it left?”

“Yes, I made a whole pot.”

“Yes,” Yuta sighed out, “she made a whole pot.”

***

Conversation was going so easily Kokichi didn’t notice how fast the time flew by. They ordered a second round of drinks, Muta treated Mai with a matcha cheesecake, but ended up eating half of it too. They talked about the school, laughed together at Zenin’s work stories, even brushed lightly against the topic of their future houses. Turned out, they had pretty different opinions on how they wanted their homes to look like. Mai liked a lot of details, liked flowers and opened spaces with a lot of air, and Kokichi found peace in plain styles with typical palettes and layouts. He was anxious to talk about it at first, but somehow it came out… easily. Somehow when he started thinking about what he wanted his home to look like, it was impossible to stop the process. It felt like the greatest burden and liberation at the same time.

They wrapped the meeting up around four in the evening, an hour before Utahime was known to come back to school. This way they still had enough time to casually get back with no hurry and maybe grab something for the evening on the way.

“It was so great I almost forgot I might end up dead anytime!” Kokichi laughed. They had just picked up some soda and chips to watch a movie later that night, and Mai opened hers to start snacking right there.

“Let’s hope you won’t, okay?” she pushed his shoulder. “I believe in Utahime, she has the balls to bend the whole jujutsu world however she wants to, so…”

It was hard for him to believe it even though he tried his best to do so. It wasn’t because Muta didn’t believe in Iori, no, he trusted her with his life, it was more like… he didn’t believe jujutsu world anymore. They put Yuji up for extermination so fast, made everyone think that he was the problem, when in fact he was nothing but a victim to their unprofessionalism, and then left Megumi alone in a second just because he was the closest person to Gojo Satoru. He also had the greatest jujutsu villain inside of him, but somehow it wasn’t a problem anymore! Whole Zenin family went against their own children, Kamo clan that had been known for their strong will and unbendable spirit immigrated at the very beginning of the Culling Game and hadn’t lifted even a finger to make a difference. He was just another screw in this screwed up system. He didn’t believe there would be any difference now. He couldn’t let himself believe so.

And yet he smiled back anyway. “Of course, Mai. I know it.”

They had to crawl through the backside of the yard to get inside. Kokichi was a gentleman, so he held their bags filled with snacks, letting Zenin slide in there first, and then faceplanted into the grass when it was his turn. Mai laughed so hard they almost got caught.

She kept laughing even when they were sharing a couch in a living room and Muta, despite rolling his eyes theatrically, couldn’t help but smile back. He thew a glance around the room. It felt so empty now when everyone was busy with their own shit. It felt like only weeks ago he was standing behind Utahime’s back when she was making a great announcement. Only weeks ago they all were sharing food on the carpet, run around the garden looking damn out of their mind, watched questionable shows with blankets on their lap… It was way more than “just a few weeks”, but it still felt so close Muta felt himself choke on the memories.

He used to sit there shoulder to shoulder with Miwa, he used to be so lucky to share the same space with the person he loved… Was she okay now in Tokyo, was she fine?

Kokichi tried his best not to overtext. He checked his phone a tiny bit more than it was needed, but masterly kept his worries inside. Kasumi would text him when she would have the time, and energy, and desire, and oh-dear-god what if she would never text him again?

“Tch, Nobara followed herself from my phone and now I always see her stories first!” Mai sighed. “I am better now, but I’m still not sure that I need that amount of Maki on my feed.”

Kokichi felt his body move by itself. “Does she have any new ones?”

“A ton of them!” Zenin gave him her phone without a second thought. “Why?”

“Just interested.” He lied. “I don’t check insta much these days, it makes me feel even more isolated.”

Maki shrugged back at him, making herself busy with choosing a movie for the night.

Muta scrolled though Nobara’s stories in absolutely non-obsessive way. He absolutely wasn’t searching for blue hair on every picture or for familiar bright voice in the background of every video. There was a shit ton of stories, god bless Kugisaki, but mostly they were from her latest mission that didn’t seem to include Miwa. But it did include Maki, and scrolling past all these pictures and videos Kokichi suddenly realised what Mai meant by her little comment. It was indeed a lot of Zenin there, it looked like it wasn’t Nobara’s account at all.

One by one, Muta got disappointed more and more. There was no Miwa in foresight, no Miwa in the background, even no mention of her at all. He sighed deeply, feeling embarrassed by his own behaviour, and tapped onto the last story. It was just a picture of a table full with differently colored cups. There was a hand on two on the table, but nothing more. Kokichi almost scrolled away, but his eyes focused on a familiar hand. He held it so many times he couldn’t be wrong about it, could he?

There was Miwa’s hand on the table next to a huge cup of black coffee. There was a hospital band on her wrist.

And no messages on his phone.

“Mai,” he said suddenly. “Do you think you could do me a favour?”

***

“And then I crawl up this fucking tower, I crawl back up and mind me, I am not a fucking crawler!” Yuta’s hands got so out of control Inumaki silently moved both of their cups away from him. “And I see you being all friendly with a blackout?”

Miwa scrunched her nose. “I don’t remember being “all friendly”, I remember doing my job.”

“There was no “getting swallowed by a blackout” in your job description!” Toge caught Okkotsu’s hand right in front oh his own face. “Sorry babe.”

“Babe?” Kasumi called out.

“We are talking about you right now!”

Maki on his side nodded. “It was indeed a perfect example of an unacceptably dangerous behaviour.”

“And you got in with no backup too, girl!” Nobara sighed.

“Are we… are we gonna ignore the elephant in the room?” Miwa whispered. “Like, we are really gonna ignore… Don’t look at me like that!” she reached over the table and hit Inumaki’s hand. “Babe.”

Toge flipped her off lazily, showing little to no care towards an incident. Neither he nor Yuta had the same bluish hospital band on their wrists which made Kasumi feel better. It meant none of her friends got hurt, it meant that she succeeded, that an energy breach was closed shut without any victims.

People gathered at the table seemed to have vividly different understanding.

“You could get really hurt, Miwa.” Zenin said. “Even after going through Shoko’s hands you are left with a pretty bad concussion. You weren’t supposed to leave the hospital wing at least for several days!”

“I can walk, you know.” Kasumi shrugged.

Inumaki slid a phone across the table.

“it doesn’t mean that you are allowed to lmao”

“You know what?” Miwa said. “I’m out.”

She got up so fast the chair almost got knocked down. There was no healthy bone in her body, so right after her independent decision she had to stay still for some time, letting the room spin around chaotically. It wasn’t enough to stop her, though – without even thinking, Kasumi picked up her unfinished coffee and walked straight out of the kitchen, ignoring her friends’ voices.

There was pure resent boiling in her blood that she wasn’t proud of feeling. She closed the blackout, she did it all by herself, and she prevented an inevitable catastrophe that it was heading straight into. She succeeded in a way that she had never done before, and yet people were blaming her for it. Was it her fault for being brave enough to step in? She took care of people she loved, she took care of them, and they came back at her for it. Did she deserve it? Did she really deserve it?

“Sit back down!” she barked when Yuta got up to catch her wrist. “I never asked for your pity.”

“I’m not pitying you, you’re hurt! It’s harder for you to…”

Kasumi froze in place. “Harder for me why? No-no, keep talking. It’s harder for me, everything, cause I’m way less than your idoly ass?”

“You know I didn’t mean it this way.” Yuta frowned.

“I know you well enough to know you did. Was it easier when I was just some words on your screen, wasn’t it?” her vestibular system suddenly failed, making Kasumi lean onto the doorframe heavily. “Because it certainly was for me.”

It wasn’t very serious of her to say it. It wasn’t very serious of her to storm out, to slam the sliding door, spilling hot coffee onto her hand but being too angry to care. It wasn’t very serious of her, but it was the only thing that she could manage to do at the moment. It felt like she had been holding herself together for way too long. There was silence behind her back that made Miwa’s eyes watery. Noone was coming after her. Her pain was too much to bear for them, so they decided to give up, didn’t they? She made a turn at the corner and stopped, back pressed into the cold wall. Stopped and listened.

There was no voices, no steps, no signs of anyone hurrying after. No one was coming. It was the end.

Without thinking twice, Kasumi pushed herself back into walking again. Hallways all blended into one big mess in her head, and turns lost its count after the third one. It was hard to walk, hard to think, hard to keep a coffee mug from slipping from her hands down on the floor. Maybe they were right, maybe it was harder for her than for everyone else. Maybe, they were right. Maybe everyone was right.

Miwa pushed the door without knocking. Was it always so heavy or did it build itself up like resent hidden under her flesh, only to collapse onto her shoulders when the timing was as unfortunate as ever? She had to push with both of her hands, shoulders pressed into dark wood, and bear the pain that exploded inside of her skull as she did so.

“Oh hi! Didn’t they tell you I accept no visitors today?” the voice chuckled.

“I am not a visitor.” Kasumi breathed out loudly. “I am your student.”

Gojo nodded in return. “Valid enough. Fancy a seat?”

Oh, she did fancy a seat. She fancied a seat so hard it squeaked after catching her whole bodyweight. There was little to no coffee left in her mug, bit Kasumi still knocked it upside down, catching the last drops of a bitter liquid, before placing it on the floor. She had to feel embarrassed of presenting herself in such a destroyed state in front of the most important person of jujutsu world, but she was too tired to care. If Satoru Gojo still didn’t catch what a wreck of a person she was after all these hours of training together it was solely and purely his own goddamn fault.

“I closed the blackout.” She said. “I closed the blackout by myself and now everyone hates me.”

There was a laugh coming from the other side of a table. “Didn’t know I’m part-time therapist now, little one.”

“You know my name.” Miwa looked back at him seriously. “So use it.”

“Well,” Satoru smiled, propping his chin onto his hands, “seems like getting hit in the head got you come audacity!”

Kasumi shrugged in return, closing her eyes tiringly. Did she really get some extra-courage from her first real mission in Tokyo? She checked all the corners in her mind just to find out that she, in fact, didn’t. It wasn’t courage that had her acting out. It was exhaustion. It was extremely hard to keep your façade standing still and clean when all your systems were declining and everything was falling apart. She would probably hate herself after she recovers well enough. There was Yuta’s wounded eyes looking back at her instead of darkness of her own hear. Kasumi felt a shiver go down her spine.

Yes. She would definitely hate herself.

“What did you do with the blackout, Miwa?”

Kasumi sighed, eyes still closed. “I shut it down.”

“Bother sharing some details?” Gojo chuckled.

“It was your… your lamp things.” She said. “Energy exchange back and forth, a question and an answer, back and forth, back and forth… You knew it wasn’t working like this, did you?” Miwa opened her eyes, staring straight into Gojo’s soul. He was wearing glasses today, she caught herself thinking, unusual occurrence.

“Who knows?” Satoru tilted his head slightly.

“Who knows?” Kasumi whispered. “Nobody knew it wasn’t working this way. I thought I was the only one, but if I think about it, Inumaki also didn’t know. Blackout snapped onto him because your question-answer theory wasn’t right.”

“I never said it was right.” He smiled. “But if it wasn’t, then what was?”

Miwa didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. Satoru Gojo was looking back at her with a light smile on his lips, but instead of feeling easy the whole sight made her feel anxious. Suddenly, she felt an urge to stand up and crawl back to the kitchen, defeated. The urge was strong, but not strong enough.

“It may be enough to work with energy exchange for closing smaller blackouts, but more chaotic ones have to be addressed differently. We should match them by tapping into cursed energy fluctuations and keep doing so until they will stop recognising our energy as unfamiliar.” Kasumi straightened her back. It took an effort for her to keep it this way. “And when they stop recognise us as an unfamiliar part of the system, we can use cursed energy manipulation to close them. Otherwise, the possibility of them snapping back is almost one hundred percent.”

Satoru didn’t answer immediately. He took off his glasses, polished their black-toned surface with an edge of his shirt. Miwa was extremely glad that throughout the whole process he kept his eyes closed. It felt like an energy jump from meeting Six Eyes could send her back into unconsciousness so fast she wouldn’t even notice it.

“It’s… a nice hypotheses.” Satoru answered finally. “What makes you so sure it’s the right one?”

Kasumi didn’t even think before answering. “Because I was there.” She said.

“Just as Yuta and Inumaki.” He put glasses back on. “Both of whom are higher level sorcerers and more qualified students who have already faced blackouts before.”

“I think that what lead them on,” Miwa whispered, “the fact that they have already worked with them before. Inumaki didn’t make a single mistake in his approach, it was a right on, just by the book. But the blackout was acting… differently.”

“So?”

“So it needed a different solution. And because I never faced them in person before, I could step up. That’s the only reason.” It was a hard pill to swallow, the fact that Kasumi was never meant to act on her own. It was a mission for watching, for being a spectator, a helping hand at max. She was never meant to do anything spectacular. She was meant to be regular. “I guess my lack of knowledge finally worked in my favour, hah?”

Gojo smiled and this time it felt less like a questioning smile and more of a friendly gesture. He stretched his hands far into the air, cracking his spine with satisfying squeak. “Well, good for you.”

“That’s… That’s all you could say?”

He looked back at her being as serious as ever. “What else do you want to hear?”

“Ehm, a “sorry”? Sorry I was wrong and put your friends’ lives in danger?” Kasumi leaned closer to the table, feeling anger rage inside of her chest. “Inumaki could have died from close contact with a blackout like this.”

“But he didn’t! Case closed, no?” Satoru waved his hand absentmindedly. “I knew it wasn’t that serious. Nobody would have died.”

Miwa had little to no worries about her own health. Her head still hurt as hell and her eyes kept having troubles focusing, but it wasn’t that much of a problem, was it? Inumaki could had been hurt really badly, Yuta could had been hurt really badly! She still didn’t know if the first-years were alright since they had to be escorted away from the scene. How could their teacher be so heartless, so rude?

“With all my respect to you, Gojo-sensei, I don’t respect you at all.”

Satoru looked taken aback for a second, but only for it, cause in the next second he folded in half pressing his forehead to the table. He couldn’t stop laughing.

“You really are something, little one! Can’t believe Iori was worried about you!” he rearranged glasses in a more comfortable way after getting back into a decent seating position. “Are you so mad about getting hurt?”

Kasumi shook her head. “Putting your students in danger is not an appropriate teaching figure behaviour. We should have never been sent there by ourselves if the details of different blackout closings weren’t known at the time.”

“Oh, but they were!” Satoru smiled back brightly. Miwa’s face must had been really telling, cause he continued with some explanation. “Ask your dear friend Yuta if you think I’m a liar. He knew about blackout synchronisation from the very beginning.”

“What?” Kasumi whispered. “No, he didn’t. He never said anything to none of us.”

“Of course he didn’t!” Gojo laughed. “Cause I told him not to.”

It all got mixed into some weird information knot and suddenly Miwa found herself suffocating under the weight of its strings. She didn’t know about “synchronisation”, and Inumaki certainly didn’t know – he got hit pretty badly after his own mistake and put Kasumi in danger too. These two things didn’t line up with his personality at all. He wouldn’t do something so terribly dangerous with no regards to his friend’s and his own safety, then it meant… It meant that Toge actually didn’t know anything. But Yuta knew. Yuta knew?..

“But… But why would you do it? They got hurt, they got… hurt.” Miwa found herself whispering even though there was no need to keep her voice down.

“I needed to know who would be smart enough to figure it out by themselves next.” Satoru shrugged. “I knew no one would end up dead because this wasn’t the strongest blackout that we dealt with. Also Shoko was all-ready and the cars were circling around just in case. And! And, I put Yuta with you, the guy is literally a killing machine. If something went wrong he would just clean up by himself and drag you kids back.”

Kasumi froze. “But Yuta…” she whispered. “Yuta is also a kid.”

Gojo threw his hands up. “I did it all the time when I was your age. Nothing bad had happened and now I knew you all were smart enough to keep your eyes on a goal! It wasn’t the cleanest way, but it was quick and efficient.” He looked back at Miwa and she felt that the situation suddenly got way more serious. Suddenly, the voice, gestures, the way the strongest sorcerer in the world held himself at his place – everything was screaming that conversation had taken an unexpected turn. “I don’t think you truly understand that we don’t have enough time to mess around. If you are capable – you stay, if you aren’t – you get sent back. It had nothing to do with personal business. Some sacrifices have to be made in order for us to progress faster. Everyone in this school understands it, and since you are staying you will have to find your peace with it eventually.”

“But people got hurt!” Miwa whispered again like some broken record.

“If you care so much about your friends getting hurt, why are you here?” he said. “Shoko literally put so much painkillers inside of you it was enough to keep you high for a week. If friends’ safety is so important for you, you should have made an example out of yourself and be the first to stay at the hospital wing. Acting this way is purely hypocritical of you, and as far as I’m aware you have never showed signs of this flaw before.”

Kasumi couldn’t find a decent answer to this. She really was a hypocrite, after all. Caring about her friends so much, Miwa had never viewed her own life as a valuable thing. If Yuta was on her place, if Inumaki was on her place, if there was anyone else other that herself – she would be the one to haunt them down through school hallways and drag back into the hospital wing. Was she a hypocrite after all? Was she?

“It’s… it’s not relative to the topic.” She tried to escape. “You put your students in danger. It’s not… It’s not nice.”

“My job was never to be nice.”

“I noticed.” Miwa sighed.

She took her cup from the floor and got up slowly. It took her quite an effort to stand upright, so she held onto the armchair until it was safe to let go. It was a shameful experience – to fight so proudly, to stand your ground, only to be crashed by several unrelated words. The door felt even heavier this time. It closed with a loud sound behind her back, making Kasumi’s shoulder shiver.

She was a hypocrite. She had always been a hypocrite and she would die one someday. Dear god, she really, really would.  

Chapter 25

“If you keep staring at the screen imma lock you back in, bastard!”

Kokichi leaned to the side, being ruled by pure instinct that had developed itself from years of their friendship. Mai’s hand slid right next to the phone, fortunately not close enough to actually grab it. “She still haven’t texted me back.” He whispered. “And it’s been almost a day, Mai. We haven’t stopped talking for such a long time since I came back!”

“And they call lesbians unsufferable!” Called out voice from the front seat.

“Momo.” Zenin sighed.

“Sorry-not-sorry, not my fault your bestie is whining so loud I can hear his cries even with my headphones on!”

Kokichi clicked his tongue loudly, staring into the darkness outside of a car window. It was raining heavily. He couldn’t help but question if weather in Tokyo was as shitty as It was back here in Kyoto.

He couldn’t relax since yesterday’s evening. They watched a silly romance movie, finished the snacks, even had a little pleasant conversation with Iori who came in for a quick check – everything was… good. If Muta was completely honest, it was the happiest day he had in a while. Seeing his best-friend again, walking around the center, drinking coffee that didn’t taste like being locked for three weeks in the same room. It was perfect, the time they had spent together, and still he couldn’t help the restlessness nesting deep into his head. Miwa just had her first blackout mission. She went in, got hurt so badly she got officially admitted into a hospital wing – which was a procedure that stuff members tried to avoid at all costs because it came hand in hand with a ton of paperwork – got out, and still hadn’t texted him back. Kokichi wasn’t crazy at all. He just knew that it was exactly 32 hours since his last text. Absolutely not crazy.

In the background, Mai had a quiet banter with her girlfriend. It wasn’t serious at all, they were just exchanging sharp comments about the situation back and forth, and Kokichi suddenly felt sick just from looking at them. Some people were born to be happy, and he was cursed to always doubt his own value, never strong enough to fight these thoughts off, never weak enough to completely give up.

“I’m just saying!” Nishimiya raised both of her hands in the air. “That mister loverman is a tiny bit cuckoo.”

“I am here by the way.” Kokichi grimaced.  

Momo gifted him a cold glance over her shoulder. “That’s even better. You should stop mopping around and focus on a mission. You were the one that dragged Mai’s goodhearted ass into it, so at least have enough grace not to fuck everything up.”

Zenin squeezed Nishimiya’s hand in-between the seats. Kokichi felt sick to his bones.

“I wasn’t “dragged” into anything, love.” She said. “Just helping out a friend.”

“Therapy would help this bitch out way better than you, dear.” Momo chuckled back.

Was it rude or was it hands with lovingly intertwined fingers, but Muta felt like staying silent at least for one more second would paralyse his whole body. So he spoke.

“I don’t understand what’s your problem.” He admitted honestly. “I’m not even talking to you!”

Momo pursed her lips. “I don’t need to hear you ramble in order to see that you are going nuts.” She turned around halfway, establishing an uncomfortable eye contact with Muta. “Counting hours, searching thought someone else’s stories… What’s next, going to sleep under her bed at night to make sure she’s not doing anything unholy? Embarrassing and pathetic. Suits you well.”

“Overkill, love.” Mai whispered carefully, but it was too late. Mechanism was already in motion.

“Oh well, let’s act like I don’t deserve basic human decency!” Kokichi hissed back. “I just want to know that she’s fine, nothing else!”

Nishimiya laughed in his face. “No shame behind this crazy hairstyle, huh?” she smiled. “You are no better than any other men and you know it. Thinking you’re entitled to constant validation just cause you made out drunk at Nobara’s party? Em-bar-ras-sing!”

“It wasn’t just a “make-out”!”

Mai showed her head in the middle of conversation. “What? You kissed Miwa and you didn’t tell me about it? Dude…”

“I didn’t know if I can talk about it!” he panicked. “I didn’t know she was talking about it!”

 “Of course she was talking about it!” Nishimiya smirked back. “I am her best girlfriend. I know everything.”

“And I am not your best girlfriend?!” Zenin looked at him with some childish resent in her eyes.

“You are my best girlfriend, I just… It wasn’t like this… Nothing is…”

“Yeah-yeah, keep running your mouth, dog.” Momo propped herself back into the seat, looking back to the dark road in the window. “You have no right to be asking her for anything. Miwa is not your girl, she is free to do whatever she wants. She has her own goddamn life and if she is too busy to have a conversation now – then there will be no conversation. Period. It’s not her fault you’re a paranoid freak with a mix of trust-control issues.”

Kokichi couldn’t bear it anymore. He looked at Zenin’s face in desperate search of support, but there was nothing in her eyes that could prove him right. Instead of snapping back at Momo, Mai looked away quickly, not saying even a single word.

“And you will let her just… just act like this?” he whispered quietly.

“What do you mean let her? Kokichi,” Zenin said. “She is right.”

There was a moment of complete silence before he could manage to speak again. “…what?”

It was rude. It was rude and sharp and brutal, everything that Momo said. He wasn’t a control freak, he just wanted to make sure Miwa was safe, that she was okay! They spent so much time together before she went to Tokyo, and even afterwards they spoke everyday almost non-stop. How could he be in the wrong if the only thing he was asking for was a little communication and respect?

“Don’t crumble all over the seat. First time someone telling you the truth?” Momo chuckled. “Oh my god, living-dead starboy gets his shit shown back into his hands!”

“I’m not asking for too much,” he whispered back unsurely, “I just want to know that she’s safe.”

Nishimiya shrugged. “You saw the story. She’s safe. What else do you need, a verbal confirmation? A written note? An official letter?”

Muta felt his insides ache. “I just want to talk to her.”

“Then stop internalising everything that she does. Miwa is trying something new in Tokyo, she’s out of her comfort zone, away from home and friends.” He felt their eyes connect through a rearview mirror. “Not everything is about you. Swallow your fucking pride and accept that you’re not attached by the hip anymore.”

“But we used to talk… about everything. Always.”

“Yeah, I can see.” Nishimiya wrinkled her nose. “And this shit didn’t do you any justice at all.”

Next half an hour was the worst time Muta had ever had since coming back alive. The car seemed so tiny, its wall suffocating people inside, squeezing Kokichi’s throat with its cold metal fingers until he start seeing black. He had never thought about relationship between him and Miwa from this kind of perspective. They were always together, talking or just enjoying each other’s company, shoulder to shoulder, knees touching… There was little to no time they had spent away from each other. Was it really as bad as Momo was describing it? Was he really as bad?

When he thought about it deeply, he knew that he indeed was.

Because if it was just a feeling of pure worrying, then why would he be so jealous of other hands in this cursed photo? If it was a simple “is she okay” type of situation, why the fact that Inumaki’s phone somehow always ended up in Miwa’s lap annoyed him so much? If it was just anxiety for your loved one’s health, then why Yuta’s arm resting so close to Kasumi’s worried him way more than a hospital band on her wrist? He talked Mai into illegally bring him to a next upcoming mission just because he couldn't stand being alone inside of his room again, a thought of slowly falling deeply into a self-deprecating spiral filled with paranoid thoughts. He also wanted to have something to not-share to Miwa about, he also wanted something to keep to himself as an act of a childish resent. 

He still was extremely scared for Miwa’s wellbeing. There was no bone in his body that didn’t ache for his love being in danger, his love being harmed, being scared, but at the same time it would be a lie if Kokichi said that it was all, that there was nothing else brewing constantly inside of his head. It always was there, he knew it well enough, but school lockdown that tortured him for the past three weeks seemed to sharpen a problem to a dangerous degree. Muta felt mad that Miwa still didn’t answer him, but most importantly he was scared.

He was scared that he felt mad.

***

It was a deep evening when Miwa heard a knock on her door.

Polite and quiet, it could had gone unnoticed if not repeated again. Kasumi stared at the door of her room in disbelief. There was no one who could visit her. Maybe, stuff members came to bring her lunch that she skipped? It must had been already past dinner time, so it could possibly be dinner too. Some food would had been nice, probably. Maybe. Her head hurt, and she cried so much her eyes were red and dry. Person behind a door didn’t give up on her. They knocked again.

“It’s open.” Kasumi called out quietly, secretly hoping that they wouldn’t hear her, that they would leave her all alone again, as someone as broken as her was supposed to be. But somehow, it didn’t go as planned – instead of another knock there was a silent sound of a doorknob twitching for a second before dark room got filled with bright hallway light.

“Kelp.”

Oh. Inumaki?

“Hello.” Miwa tried to get into a decent sitting position, but her head was spinning so hard it made her stomach twist in nods. “Am I missing some important meeting? I am sorry if I do, I haven’t looked at the schedule since yesterday, and I know that it’s my fault that I didn’t, just wanted to clarify that…” she felt something fell right next to her on the bed. Turning head or even just eyes felt like too much of a chore, so Kasumi reached her hand and ran fingers across its edges. “My charger?”

Inumaki nodded. “Salmon.”

“Thank you.” Miwa said. “I forgot I left it in a hall.”

Toge spent a second contemplaining entering her space, his hesitation was written all over his face. It took him a good moment to make a decision and finally cross the doorway. As the door slid closed lightly behind his back, darkness swallowed the room again, drowning it in silence. For a second Miwa felt like she made him up, that nobody actually came to visit her, that it was only her broken imagination. Who would want to come talk to her after the tantrum she threw in the kitchen? She wouldn’t want to, so why would they?

Inumaki didn’t seem to agree. He slid deeper into a room, opening the blinds and letting some soft evening light inside. Opened a window, turned on a little bedside light to make atmosphere more comfortable, picked up a blanket that fell on the ground around four hours ago and draped it carefully over Miwa’s shoulders. Kasumi tried not to look at his face. She knew she would cry again if she did, and there was no chance her eyes would spare her this time.

When little walk around the room was finished, Inumaki, much to Miwa’s surprise, didn’t leave. Instead, he sat down on the floor facing her, and went silent. Kasumi eventually had to take a look at him to understand what was happening, and her whole heart sunk when she noticed that he was thoughtfully typing a huge paragraph of text in his notes.

“You don’t have to do it.” She whispered. “I was really rude today. I deserve this.”

He shook his head immediately. “Fish flakes! Fish-flakes! Flakes of fish. Flakes. Fish.”

It was funny, this little word-building game. Somehow, it was understandable for her. Somehow Miwa almost heard Toge swearing: “What a nonsense! Nonsence! Non-sence!” This fragile feeling of understanding made the air in the room easier to breath in. Kasumi felt her lungs working fully for the first time in past six hours. It was a good feeling, this understanding. It was a good feeling of not being alone.

It took Inumaki some time to finish texting. He reread it thoughtfully afterwards, spared it a good long look and erased everything at once.

“It was such a great work, Toge!” Miwa chuckled soundlessly. “I haven’t seen it, but I sweat it was a great work, maybe you…”

She tripped over her own words when Inumaki suddenly slid a phone into her lap. It was hard to concentrate on reading, so Kasumi brough the screen as close to her eyes as it was humanly possible. There was only several words written instead of a huge paragraph, and somehow they were enough.

“It’s okay, Miwa.” It said. “Nobody is mad.”

She didn’t want to cry. Only heaven knew how badly she didn’t want to cry anymore, her eyes stung and hew whole face ache from it, she didn’t want to cry anymore and she decided that she wouldn’t. Realisation came together with tears leaving tiny dots on a bright phone screen. Almost like not understanding where they were coming from, Kasumi wiped them off only to find more coming in the next second. She chuckled, bringing her hands to hide her face.

Toge didn’t move. He was sitting down in front of her, legs folded together, waiting for her shoulders to stop shaking. He probably was terrified, Miwa thought to herself, he didn’t seem like he was good at dealing with crying girls. There was a feeling of guilt squeezing her whole core in its hands, making it hard to breath in fully.

“Sorry,” Kasumi whispered, “I can’t believe that nobody is mad. You must hate me now.”

Inumaki carefully took a phone from her lap.

“Bullshit.”

“I don’t think it’s humanly possible to hate you.”

“ur like a human embodiment of a sun”

“I screamed at everyone. I told my best friend I would rather leave him in my phone.” Miwa reminded casually. “When the only thing we were talking about when he was away is how nice and fun it would be to finally have each other around.”

Kasumi was surprised with how steady her voice sounded out of a sudden. She understood her fault and accepted it fully hours and hours ago, and maybe this radical acceptance was the thing that held her head up while speaking. Tears were getting in a way. Miwa brushed them away with a back of her hand, feeling annoyed. She didn’t want to cry anymore, but the tears never stopped coming. Would they ever stop coming then? Would there ever be a moment in her life when she would feel one hundred percent like they finally had stopped coming?

Inumaki shrugged in return. Somehow he didn’t look as bothered by the whole Yuta conflict as Kasumi imagined him to be. In her head Toge was furious. In her head he was throwing harsh words and mean looks at her, because she deserved it, she hurt Yuta, she said things that she was neither supposed nor wanted to say. Inumaki must had been furious with her for hurting his loved one, but somehow… he wasn’t. Somehow he kept sliding notes into her lap with the most unbothered face ever.

And somehow it made Miwa even more miserable.

“Yuta is a little too caring sometimes.”

“Can imagine it being weird if you never saw it before with you own eyes lmao”

Kasumi shook her head. “It wasn’t weird. It was nice from him to be so worried about me. I just think I…” she stuttered. “I expected everyone be more celebrating. I did something that I could have never imagined I would do, and I did it by myself. I wanted… a praise, maybe?” it was pitying to admit out loud things that were spinning in her head during past several hour, and this pity mirrored itself as a uncomfortable gut feeling, like her stomach was eating itself alive.

In contrast to Miwa’s own eyes, Inumaki’s ones weren’t filled with this pitiful expression. He didn’t even flinch, look colored with deeply rooted understanding. Kasumi couldn’t believe that someone would look at her this way after her morning disaster.

“well, if you ask me”

“You did great. Like, really damn fucking great.”

Feeling of pain suddenly stepped aside.

“Do you really think this way?” Kasumi whispered.

“ofc girl”

“idk what we would do if that tower collapsed onto the living quarter”

“That would be a really unfortunate report wouldn’t it?”

“And!! I’m such a shitty liar, ask Yuta about it.”

“Dude has stORIES”

“I don’t think I will be able to ask Yuta anything anymore.” Miwa chuckled. “I’m not even sure if he will be okay with working on missions together.”

The look that Inumaki spared her was judging as hell. He slowly scanned Kasumi from head to toes, rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue, showing all possible visual signs of experiencing the highest possible way of pure annoyance. Kasumi probably should had felt judged, but she didn’t. Instead, she felt as light as a feather, breaking into a silent laugh.

“Your face!” she smiled. “You look so done with me!”

“Yeah cause I AM done with both of you idiots.”

“I listened to one side whining that “she hates me now” and now I’m here listening to the other one”

“saying like the same freaking shit.”

“You two really underestimate a bond that runs inbetween you”

“Like, really.”

 

Miwa blinked mindlessly. “Yuta what?”

“your bitch got so self-conscious I had to feed him some melatonin gummies and send his ass to bed”

“mind the time, it was like 2pm”

“You can’t do this!” Kasumi hissed back. “If you feed him melatonin now, it would fuck up his sleep schedule! And also he has to take his pills during lunch and before actual bedtime, if he misses them it would mess with the course! And you can’t mess with the course, side-effects will be dreadful, especially since Yuta is prone to having these terrible migraines! Toge!”

Inumaki looked her up and down once again, face as still as ever.

“an unstoppable force and immovable object”

“and YOU worry that you won’t be friends anymore?”

“PLEASE”

 

Friendly banter went on for good fifteen minutes. They were showing slightly mean comments back and forth and when they stopped working showing became physical. Miwa couldn’t quite remember if it was her that first pushed Inumaki’s shoulder or was it him tugging onto her hair, but somehow it started. And it felt blissful.

Miwa was on the floor, pushing Toge with one of her pillows away, and he was hissing back at her like a weird mix of an angry cat and a broken TV, trying to snap her forehead with his index finger once again. It took Kasumi a good moment to understand that her cheeks weren’t stained with tears anymore, that the laugh that spread around the room was her own.

“Toge?” she asked when they were sitting shoulder to shoulder and back to the bed. “Thank you.”

The phone was somewhere in the other side of the room and both of them were quite opposed to an idea of getting back up onto their feet, so Inumaki just sighed back. “Nothing.”

“I’m really grateful for you.” Miwa whispered, trying not to trigger her raging headache even more. “I really treasure our friendship. Sorry if I ever did something wrong. I’m really, really grateful. You are awesome and I am happy beyond comprehension that Yuta has such a great person by his side.”

Toge didn’t answer. Kasumi watched as his eyes grew softer, as a smile bloomed onto his face. He signed something that she didn’t catch, and, understanding it, he signed another thing, less complicated and way more slow.

“You are my friend”

“You are my friend too, Toge.”

They sat down in silence for another good moment before Miwa spoke again.

“Did he really call you baby at the dining table?”

Inumaki silently showed a pillow into her face.

Notes:

conversations-conversations!!

now chapters will come out a little slower than usually, I started studying again! hope everyone still enjoys the updates as the story slowly moves to its logical end. love kisses hugs!!!

Chapter 26

Notes:

hello-hello!!! i am still alive and kicking, just got wrapped up into life stuff. sending you hugs if you still follow this story. thank you for the wait and i hope your day goes good <3

Kokichi felt himself leaning onto Mai’s shoulder trying to escape the morning cold. He hadn’t been out that early in weeks if not more, and somehow he forgot how freezing it was to patiently wait till the beginning of an operation. Zenin was welcoming though: she lent him a piece of her scarf to wrap his hands in and was standing straight for the both of them. Muta felt a light touch to his shoulder and put himself back up immediately, just in time for Momo to jump off her broom quickly.

“Just as report said, three curses, nothing too special. Half an hour at max and we can call it quits.” She looked at Kokichi and visibly pursed her lips. “Mai, you stay behind. I’d rather have you alive. And you,” with a smile, “don’t get in my way.”

“I’m not getting in your way,” Muta hissed. “I an helping.”

Nishimiya shrugged. “Yeah-yeah, whatever you say, illegally caged animal.”

“What did you say?”

“That you are a caged animal.”

“Mai!” Kokichi frowned. “She called me an animal! Twice!”

Zenin chuckled. “Well, in her defence, the second one was because you asked…”

“Mai!”

***

Inumaki spent in Miwa’s room good two hours before she was ready to face the rest of the world again. They talked about their mission a little, nothing more than a tiny post-debrief session, and then reduced the conversation to meme scrolling on Toge’s phone. Kasumi put her dead one on a charger that Inumaki luckily grabbed on the way, and decided to leave it alone for some time. She wasn’t ready to answer messages just yet, she needed a moment of quiet peace before doing so.

Turned out, it was indeed way past dinnertime – everyone else had already finished their meals and were chilling in their respective bedrooms. Judging by Nobara’s stories, tonight first-years had a makeover session – they all were gathered in her room wearing matching cropped shirts with Powerpuff Girls on them and the same greenish facemask on their faces. Miwa couldn’t help but wonder if she would had been invited too if she wasn’t such a rude bitch to everyone this morning.

“I will go take something to eat.” She said. “Feel like I’m about to pass out.”

“Salmon.” Inumaki waved without lifting his eyes up from the screen.

“Want something too?”

“Fish flakes.”

“Okie.”

Hallways were rather empty for eight in the evening. No staff members, no teachers, no students… Complete absence of life sent a shiver down Kasumi’s spine, making her question her own realness. Remembering past years Miwa couldn’t even try to compare them. It was always so busy in schools before New Years, it was always so crowded, so noisy… Did the war take away their souls the same as bodies, did it take away their spirit too?

Kasumi stopped in front of a kitchen door for a second. It was all silent behind it with no light on. Memories of a bad morning flooded it, instantly filling her head with sharp rude comments and her own screaming voice. Miwa stayed in front of the entrance for some time before turning around on her heels and hurrying over to second-years’ dorms. She knocked on familiar door before her mind could came up with something to say, so when it got opened almost instantly she just stared blankly at a person with nothing but emptiness in her head.

“Can I… come in?” she whispered carefully.

Yuta nodded, stepping away from the doorway. “Of course.”

It wasn’t Miwa’s first time in his room. Even before coming to Tokyo she knew exactly where Okkotsu kept his manga collection, where were old jujutsu books Gojo overloaded him with and where was a blanket someone usually borrowed when they had sleepovers. She knew everything if not more, but found herself stalling nonetheless. Suddenly, Kasumi wasn’t even sure if she was allowed to take a sit on the edge of the bed now. Thinking seemed to hurt physically, so she decided to occupy a corner close to the wall, sitting down with her knees pressed firmly against her chest.

It didn’t take Okkotsu much time to prep himself in front of her silently.

“I wanted to apologise.” Miwa sighed out. “For the way I behaved this morning. It wasn’t nice at all. It was unacceptable. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, I just…”

“I should be the one apologising.” Yuta interrupted her. “Not you.”

“Huh?”

Okkotsu looked straight at her, but his eyes were wandering around the room in circles. “The way I behaved wasn’t good at all. I am your friend, not a teacher or a parent, I shouldn’t have acted this way. It was unacceptable too.”

Kasumi reached her hand over and Yuta held onto her fingers with no questions asked.

“I don’t think you acted as bad as you think you did.” Miwa started. “It… upset me a lot, but only because it freaked out my head problems. Yknow, issues and stuff. I knew you were taking care of me, you always are, I just… I felt like I needed celebration more than support.”

“I’m sorry.” Yuta whispered. “I truly am. I should have stopped when I saw that you were not… not feeling all this stuff.”

They spent some time in silence, just holding onto each other’s hands and staring into the evening darkness. It was Miwa who spoke up first.

“I’m sorry I screamed. I never wanted to hurt you or anyone else. I felt really tired and… and lonely, I don’t know? So I screamed. It was bad. I shouldn’t have done it. I’m sorry.” She squeezed Okkotsu’s fingers tighter. “And it’s not your fault I got mad. I didn’t tell you I wasn’t okay with the way that conversation went, so you could have never known…”

“I should have guessed.”

“You shouldn’t guess anything at all.” Miwa smiled softly. “I know you care about people you love a lot. I’m sorry I couldn’t accept it at the moment.”

Yuta smiled back sadly. “I’m sorry I couldn’t support you at the moment too.”

Kasumi opened her arms and Okkotsu moved closer without saying a word. He was taller than her, but still found the most comfort in hiding his eyes in her shoulder even thought this pose made no sense at all.

“Yuta?” Miwa called out quietly. “It was indeed easier when you were “some words on the screen”, but y’know, apparently, I love challenges.”

Okkotsu chuckled silently. “I love challenges too.”

They laughed as Miwa ruffled Yuta’s hair with a light motion. There was no bad bone in their bodies, no bad thoughts in their heads. Misunderstandings melted in laughs and light platonic touches, in a way Kasumi patted the top of Okkotsu’s head, in a way that he still held her hand in his. It felt… nice. It felt nice, and it felt safe, and it felt like nobody had ever screamed in a kitchen, like nobody had ever stayed anxious in their rooms. Suddenly, soft darkness became friendly, and sounds outside of the window stopped feeling so out of place.

“I think I want to tell you something.” Miwa said.

Yuta hummed into her shoulder in response.

“I… I’m not here for staff work.”

“Yeah, I noticed.” He answered. “You haven’t taken a single step towards the archive. Slacking?”

“No. Yuta, I was… I was never supposed to be among the staff to begin with.”

Something in a way her voice cracked must had caught Yuta off-guard, cause he shifted away slightly to be able to see Kasumi’s face. “Why did they send you here then?”

“They think I have… I have different type of cursed energy. A curse user’s one.”

Yuta straightened his back abruptly. “It’s not possible.” He said. “If you had one, they should had reported it when you got enrolled like they did with me. It’s illegal not to do so.”

“I don’t think they knew.” Miwa whispered back. “Even I didn’t know.”

Okkotsu rubbed his forehead anxiously. He was visibly battling some protective instincts in his head, the ones that caused morning misunderstanding, trying to find better words this time to express his concerns about his best friend’s safety.

“How could they know if even you didn’t?”

Kasumi held her breath for a second before speaking again.

“Someone told me.”

“What do you mean someone told you?” Yuta shivered. “You can’t work with a Six Eyes dude and then somebody just tells you?”

There was little to no understanding in Miwa’s head about neither how she was going to explain it not why did she decide to do it right now. The timing seemed right, and secrets that she held inside of her heart started to feel a little too heavy to bear on her own.

“Yes.” She breathed out quietly. “They told me, that, y’know, he, I mean, Gojo-sensei, he has never actually looked at me with his Six Eyes, and he wasn’t really present when I got to actually use my cursed energy. It was weird for me too, I understand, but I decided to try, so…”

“So you asked him to look at you.” Yuta finished her sentence without a second thought. “That night, after the party, you asked him to… Dear god, that’s why you went with us even thought we hadn’t heard anything about it before! It makes sense now. Shit, everything makes sense!”

Miwa moved a little closer. It was her turn to press her forehead into Yuta’s shoulder, letting him caress her long hair absentmindedly. Maybe, because she craved human affection and maybe, just maybe, because she was so scared of the next question that keeping eye contact seemed impossible.

“Wow, like, now I see why you were the one to figure out the synchronisation technique! Rika really helped me in this, and when I talked to Gojo-sensei, he said that the next one will be Megumi, he was so sure it would be Megumi! Cause he works so closely with spirits and curses it must had been Megumi, but it wasn’t! It was you! Now it makes sense. Oh my god. Oh shit. It makes sense.” Yuta kept muttering something more for himself than for Kasumi, so she let him keep going. Anticipation of the last possible question made air around way heavier than it was seconds ago.

It would be the first time she talked about it out loud.

“Isn’t it great? I mean, it means we can study and train together-together! I can help you, you know, there is almost no fucking information about people like us, like, so little I can see why they always end up on a bad side of history. If a bad guy told me he had info about what am I, I would turn evil too! Oh god, isn’t it just perfect!” Okkotsu smiled so hard Miwa could hear the smile in his voice. “So, give it up! Who was the mysterious stranger that showed you the way? Was it Shoko-san? Utahime-san? No, Utahime-san is your teacher, if she knew, she would have told you after enrolment… Tell me!” he ruffled her hair. “I’m so excited!”

Breath in, breath out. Dear god. Even Satoru Gojo himself didn’t come that close to the truth. Miwa pressed her forehead tighter into Yuta’s shoulder.

“It was Kenjaku.”

Silence in return was expectedly loud.

“…what?”

“It wasn’t like this, you know, we didn’t… We are not friends, okay?” Miwa felt an urge to explain, to apologise. It felt like this fact itself had already made her into a curse user. To be enlightened by the world’s greatest trickster, the one responsible for sealing of Gojo Satoru, the one that caused the war... “We talked a little, that’s all.”

Okkotsu backed away, making an effort to look into Kasumi’s eyes. “What do you mean you talked?!”

“We talked. He made us tea. A nice one.” She said. “When I got in a fight with Mahito he was the one to stop it. I would have been dead if not him. He put a veto on touching me, so I was… safe? Kidnapped, you know, but… strangely safe?” it felt like she was digging her grave with her bare hands. “Not in a, ehm, weird way, but in like “no curses will touch me” way.”

“No. It… It doesn’t make sense! You were in shock when we found you, don’t you remember?”

Miwa nodded. “I do.”

“How could he… Why?”

“He said he missed… talking. So we talked. Well, he talked mostly, but I think he enjoyed it. He blocked my pain so I could sit down and have a tea with him.”

“And you agreed?” Yuta hissed. “This guy is fucking crazy, Miwa! And you sat down to drink tea with him?”

Something in a way Okkotsu’s voice sounded didn’t make her too happy.

“Not like a had any other choice, okay?” Kasumi looked straight into his eyes angrily. “I didn’t think too much of it, cause y’know, he is a bad guy, he is a liar. But he said something else. He said my grandmother would die before Christmas. And she did. He said she would, and she did. How could I not… not at least try to check his words?” She started picking skin on her fingers anxiously. “I didn’t do anything bad, I promise. I just sat there, and he talked, and then I talked a little. Before leaving, he told me I should ask Gojo-senpai to look at me, because I reminded him of his old friend. That’s all.”

Eyes that Yuta was giving her changed in a moment. It was like a switch snapped instantly – he looked her up and down, almost like seeing for the very first time, and then went completely silent. With his hand covering his mouth, his eyes wide open, his body tensed… Kasumi shrugged, trying to knock an uncomfortable feeling off of her shoulders, but it seemed to be rooted way deeper, so instead of falling down like a cold evening gown it just… stayed there.

“Please say something.” She whispered. “I am scared.”

“Oh my god.” Yuta sighed out. “You truly are really similar to him. Even more than I am, even more than Megumi is… Your energy is a carbon copy of his, but in a softer way. It looks… softer. That’s why I have never thought about comparing it, cause yours is so… so soft. So different in a way it manifests itself, but so deeply similar on a root level. Jesus fucking Christ, Miwa.” He took a sharp breath in. “Tell me it’s the last secret that you have from me.”

“No.” Kasumi said. “I also kissed Kokichi after the party. Twice.”

“Kasumi fucking Miwa------"

***

When her phone rang the first time, Utahime just flipped it screen-down without looking. Higher-ups had already been viewing her as an inconvenience, she didn’t want it to progress even further. She was a woman, one of the youngers teachers, and moreover the one who got her hands dirty with all the traitor situation. All their eyes were haunting her, ready to stab a knife as never before, but Iori wasn’t scared. She was disgusted, she was tired, but she wasn’t scared. In the end of the day, no one at that table had enough guts to singlehandedly track the villains activity to pick up a deformed student’s body just in time to break several laws resurrecting him. She had.

When the phone rang a second time, almost immediately after the previous one, an uneasy feeling started picking up under her skin. Without asking a permission, Utahime picked it up and hit an answer button. There was Mai on the other side. She was sobbing.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know how it happened. I’m sorry I don’t… It’s my fault, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Mai,” Iori whispered, “what happened?”

“I know I wasn’t supposed to do it, It was just a… Just a little thing, nothing more, just a little… I didn’t… I can’t…”

There was some noise and Zenin’s crying voice got mixed with another one. At some point a phone got dropped and voices became barely recognisable.

“Mai? Do you hear me, Mai?”

Utahime looked up to find everyone’s eyes on her, something that she had little to no care about. Without thinking, her heart found familiar gaze following her every move from the other side of the table. Gojo slightly tilted his head, just enough for Iori to see his eyes under heavily tinted lenses of his regular glasses. Just say a word. Just a single word.

“Don’t get closer! Back, I said back!” someone screamed. Noise happened again and the phone seemingly got picked up into someone else’s hands. Iori recognised the voice immediately, even though it was heavily distorted with fear. “Location in report thirty six. Safety level is stable. We need an ambulance. It’s an emergency, we need an ambulance, report thirty s… Get fucking back Mai, you can’t be there! I said get…”

The line went dead. Utahime blinked several times, feeling edges of a phone painfully digging into her hand. Gathering all the energy that was in her body to fight paralysing feeling of the same accident happening twice, she nodded. Gojo on the other side of the table stood up without a second thought.

“The meeting is over.” He said.

Someone frowned. “You are in no position to declare if the meeting…”

“I am Gojo Satoru.” Iori felt a hand help her up and towards the door. “I can declare whatever the hell I want.”

Chapter 27

Notes:

ehm, anyway, haha, i will probably be late with these chapters, but at least i'm here to finish it, right? riiight?

Breakfast was going strangely fine for an after-disaster morning. Everyone at the table was pouting, dangerously ready to dig noses into their bowls of cereals. At some point, a spoon slipped from Yuji’s fingers while he was spacing out with his eyes half-closed into the wall. Megumi politely picked it up and put back into his hand without saying a word. Nobody reacted, it was a complete mutual understanding type of thing. Miwa rubbed her face, trying to wake herself up in some weird type of way, but it didn’t help at all. Maybe, she should had left her apology tour for the morning and not go around at 3AM with tears in her eyes and a cup of cold coffee as a snack.

“What is the plan for today again?” Nobara whispered, an eyepatch sliding dangerously to the side of her face.

Maki reached out and slid it back into its place nonchalantly. “Another closing mission. Sensei is yet to announce the team, though. His ass is busy with another useless gathering.”

There was still no information about the group that was about to close the blackout, but somehow Miwa bared this extreme intuitive feeling that it would include her. Maybe, because Gojo-san was so weird last time they talked, or maybe cause she was a critical unstoppable overthinker – who knows? She looked at Yuta in search for support and their eyes met, a sign of them sharing the same thought process.

“Tch, I don’t mind these meetings.” Megumi said, words disappearing in a big yawn that spread around immediately. “We are lucky to have time to enjoy breakfast.”

He was, in fact, right. Kasumi took warm cup into her hands, enjoying the feeling it sent through her whole body, and leaned into Inumaki’s shoulder. Her phone was still deep in her room, and Miwa didn’t plan on picking it up just yet, so she enjoyed some Instagram reels from Toge’s screen. They weren’t hitting quite as close to home as her own Tiktok For-You-Page did, but in the absence of a better option it was just alright.

Quite conversations were spreading around the room, and a mix of voices made Miwa’s eyelids feel heavier. She took a sip of coffee and closed her eyes, enjoying her friends talking like some kind of white noise. If she had spent one more second pressed into Inumaki’s shoulder, she would had totally zoned off, but the Universe decided it wasn’t the right morning to relax.

Several phones rang at the same time, different notifications sounds crashing the quiet paradise their kitchen had become. Kasumi reached out for her pocket by pure instinct, but there was nothing there. Oh, right, the phone. Still in the room, yeah. Damn. She looked around the table for a second, and couldn’t help but… notice.

Yuji and Megumi was still deep into their conversation, and Nobara sticked her nose into Maki’s screen from behind her back, forgetting her own phone on the side of the table. It looked like only first-years didn’t receive the message. It wouldn’t be surprising if Miwa’s phone was also silent. Trying to get herself involved too, Kasumi moved closer to Inumaki, but as soon as her eyes got close enough to read a message, he put his phone screen-down at the table. She gasped, looking at him with jokingly-judging expression, ready to receive something dumb like a sticked out tongue or something. She didn’t, thought. Toge wasn’t meeting her eyes instead.

“The team for today was decided.” Maki said, getting up in some unexplainable hurry. “We have half an hour to get out, so y’all better be on your feet like, a second ago.”

“Wait,” Kasumi jumped in place, leaving a huge coffee stain on her shirt. “What team?”

The eyes that Zenin gave her were weird, like she didn’t really understand the question. It might had been just an accident though, since it lasted less than a quick second. “Oh, it’s me, Nobara and you, Miwa.” She answered. “Be careful with a coffee. It’s hot.”

It wasn’t even that hot, Kasumi wanted to say, it wasn’t worth these eyes everyone was giving her. The room suddenly felt small. Miwa looked at Yuta once again, but he was staring into his cup mindlessly.

“Break a leg, ladies!” Yuji smiled. “Just not more than a leg, okie?”

Nobara showed him lightly, and Megumi, who’s tea got all over the table because of that move, gave her an annoyed look. Miwa smiled as wide as she could, hoping that tension in the corners of her mouth would take away the one that was clawing in her insides. Right before leaving the kitchen she spared the room one final look. Everything was just alright, like a minute ago, like ten, like half an hour. Maybe, she was imagining things?

(Toge reached out over the table and carefully took Yuta’s hand in his.)

Before leaving for the mission, Miwa held back a little, her whole body being captured by an intense feeling of unexplainable worry. She looked around, trying to find something calming for her eyes to grasp onto, but the school looked grey in the morning light. It was cloudy. It would probably be raining later. Nobara called out, and Kasumi hurried towards their designated car with black-toned windows. She thanked Maki for an opened door and shared a seat with Nobara in the back, when she heard it.

“Is… What is an ambulance doing here?” Kasumi asked, turning around and catching a glimpse of the lights right before they disappeared again.

Zenin looked back at her and put on a calm smile. “Doing their job, huh?”

And closed the backdoor shut.

***

“Report thirty six. Abdominal trauma, vitals are dropping. On my three – one, two…”

Shoko finished putting on her gloves just on time to meet poor boy’s eyes when his body hit her table. He screamed and she took a deep breath in. It took seconds for a room to smell entirely like blood – something that made others cringe in disgust and something a little too usual for Ieiri’s workday.

“No shit he has an abdominal trauma,” she cursed, “there is a hole in his stomach. What happened?”

Several medics shared the same empty look with each other, and Shoko couldn’t help but imagine smashing their empty heads onto a sterile metal table till there would be at least something inside their braincase. She pulled out a needle and got the vein from the first try. Some morphine should do, at least until they figure out the cause and determine a treatment.

“What the fuck happened to a kid?” she asked again, frustration raising in her voice high enough to make people back away from the table.

The door swung open, hitting the wall, and in any other circumstances Shoko would had barked something about not being paid enough to repaint her workstation, but a child bleeding out on her table obviously needed attention a little more. Her eyes met Iori’s immediately. There was Yuta next to her side and Satoru close to the door – probably to stop worrying friends from spilling into an ongoing surgery.

“Everyone, out.” Shoko screamed. “I’m gonna take it from here.”

First responders quickly picked up their stuff, the door closing shut behind their backs.

“Good morning to you too, Iori.” Ieiri flashed a smirk. “Tell me why your golden child-traitor is on my table with a hole in his stomach again?”

Kokichi screamed out in pain, and Utahime jumped closer, holding his tensing hand in hers.

“A curse.” She whispered. “It was…”

“I can see damn well that it was a curse–“

“There is a cursed object in his body.” Iori cut her off. “And it’s poisoning his blood.”  

***

Till the moment they got back into the car, Miwa’s hair was soaking wet. She felt her clothes stick to her body like some type of a see-though second skin. The feeling was disgusting. Kasumi hated it. Nobara obviously – and loudly – hated it too, so they gathered together in a backseat, leaning into each other for warmth. Miwa found Maki extremely strong for being able to seat straight up and keep an informative conversation with their driver. The only sound exiting her mouth was chatter of her teeth.

It was still pouring when they got back to school, but at least now they were allowed to grab some umbrellas to get from the entrance into the building. Kasumi thought that the gesture was nice, but rather useless. Nobara said it out loud. Both of them still were standing there with an umbrella over their shoulders. Miwa sniffed, feeling ice-cold water going straight into her nose. Well, at least they closed that freaking blackout, didn’t they?

They did, and, in fact, did it unexpectedly great. There was little to no curses around, so it was easy for Maki and Nobara to keep them away from the blackout itself. In absence of a rush, Kasumi actually could sit down and meditate for a second before coming into a resonance with a chaotic energy around her. The feeling was better than the previous time: her limbs were tingling, but with no pain, and the back of her head felt light and pleasantly empty. The energy also was way less hostile towards her, so she got a pass to have some coffee later instead of marinating in a hospital wing. It was still exhausting, all this blackout thing, exhausting to the point of her dozing off on Nobara’s shoulder on the way back to school. It was more of a nap than a decent deep sleep, but Miwa still saw outlines of people and heard ambulance sirens in the back of her mind.

“I need a two hours shower, a cup of coffee and a pair of dry underwear!” Nobara pushed the doors open and kicked the umbrella away. Maki picked it up and carefully put it away together with her one.

“And a nap. Like, with a blanket.” Kasumi sighed.

“Maki has a heated one! We should all nap together. Like, a platonic communal after-mission nap!”

Miwa slowly turned her head to Zenin and tried her best to hold the laugh back from seeing an expression on her face. “Nobara, I don’t think your girlfriend approves the third party.”

“Oh, please!” Kugisaki shrugged. “She has me every night, we can enjoy a girl-nap all together once in a while… Why do you look at me this way?”

Maki pinched her cheek lightly. “Go change. We are messing up the floors.”

They went away together, bickering lightly about everything and anything in-between, and Miwa couldn’t hold back a smile. She should turn on her phone. It had been too much time since she answered any messages, Kokichi must had been worried sick. Hopefully, Utahime told him that everything was fine, she always knew how to find the right words.

The girls went forward, while Miwa found herself trailing way behind them. She wanted to heat herself up some coffee before heading back to her room, this way she wouldn’t have the need to come back down after the shower. It would be shower, pyjama, coffee and her phone with tons of notifications. And a blanket, of course, a normal one, but still good. Yeah, still good.

Caught in her thought, Kasumi slid the kitchen door open. Immediately it became evident that she was way too deep into her head to notice anything around, cause there were people inside of the kitchen and they were talking pretty loudly. There were people inside of the kitchen, and Miwa must had disturbed an important conversation, judging by the way everyone went silent as soon as they saw her.

“Sorry,” she yawned. “Wasn’t locked.”

Kasumi looked up and felt her heart skip a beat or two.

There were people inside of the kitchen, and she did disturb an important conversation. Cause if it wasn’t important, what the hell was Utahime-san doing there?

Miwa looked around the room one more time.

There was Gojo sitting in front of Iori with his hands folded on the table. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, but immediately pulled them out of the pocket to not freak Miwa out even more. It was weird to see Shoko out of her regular while gown, just in a sweater and washed-out jeans, and somehow instead of being calming that change felt bad. “What happened to your jacket?” Miwa wanted to ask, “why did you take it off?”. She slowly traced the space in-between people with her eyes, catching the last person in the room. It was Yuta. Yuta with his face pale-white and a pure terror frozen inside of his eyes. It was Yuta that Kasumi knew. It was Yuta and the reason of this expression was her.

“Ehrm, good morning everyone.” Kasumi laughed nervously, feeling her hands began to tremble, either from cold or from anxiety eating its way up from her stomach. “What the hell happened?”

Yuta looked at Shoko, Shoko looked at Utahime, and Utahime looked at Gojo. Gojo smiled, unbothered:

“It’s better for you to go change into something warm, little one. Can’t let ya catch a cold, can I?”

“No.” Miwa whispered back. “No! Why… Why are you here?” She looked at Iori, and she hid her eyes immediately. “Yuta? What is it? Is it about the morning message?”

Satoru sighed. “What about “private” in “private chat” is confusing? I swear to god, these children…”

Kasumi slid kitchen door closed behind her back, almost like cutting off her only way out. Air suddenly started to boil into her lungs, it was hard to take a proper inhale even though she desperately craved one. Ambulance sirens were playing on repeat in her head, leaving no space for coherent thoughts. She heard the sirens, she saw the lights…

“Is it about the lights?” Miwa tried to ask, but stumbled upon her own words clumsily. “The ambulance lights, is it about… the ambulance lights?”

Gojo opened his mouth once again, but didn’t say a word – Iori reached over the table and put a hand on his arm, almost like saying “it’s okay, it’s fine, I can deal with it”. He shrugged, sliding back into the chair. “Just make it quick.”

Utahime turned around, smile on her face soft but tired. “Do you want to take a seat, Miwa? Okkotsu can bring you a towel. Is it okay?”

Kasumi looked around the room, her heart racing like she was the only prey in a room full of hunting predators. Somehow it seemed like if she took a step away from the door, they would disappear, leaving her with that pure panic growing inside, pure raw pain. It was hard to move, and the overwhelming feeling of cold wet clothes didn’t help her neither her thought process nor her movements. Time elongated in front of her eyes like patches of colourful thread, seconds turning into ages, ages morphing into worlds… Somewhere in-between these two time-stamps Kasumi’s shoulders were covered with a huge fluffy bath towel and her hands placed over a warm cup of coffee.

“There was an accident.” Iori’s voice sounded like it was coming in from another room, another building, another city. There were more words than Miwa’s mind could comprehend at the moment, so she caught only parts of the sentences thrown at her, making up the missing pieces on the way. “He wasn’t allowed to go, and he still went. …my fault, completely my… Severe bleeding and abdominal damage, an emergency surgery… Stable, an object secured. There was nothing that you could have done, so it was better… Better to let you go…”

Kasumi blinked twice, tears stinging corners of her eyes painfully. “You are joking, are you? You are joking, Utahime-san? You would have called me if something happened to him, you would have called me, right?”

Iori hid her eyes. Everyone was silent.

“You know how important it is to me, how important he is… Yuta? Yuta, is it not true, is it?”

Okkotsu’s lips became a tight straight line. “I am sorry, Miwa. We needed you there.”

“You needed me there?” Kasumi laughed and her laugh sounded rough and dry. “You know who needed me? Kokichi needed me, he needed me here. I should have been here.”

“There was nothing you could have done, kiddo.” Gojo shrugged back. “He turned out fine, so…”

Miwa hit the table hard enough for the drinks to spill out. Her hand would have a burnmark for weeks after, but it didn’t bother her at all. The pain that bothered her was different, it was wild.

“Call me “kid” one more time.”

Utahime’s eyes were wide open. “Miwa…”

“Call me kid one more time, I dare you.” She looked back into blue eyes, voice sharp and stabbing. “It was your decision to sent me away. You knew something happened. And you still sent me away.”

“You came to my school to get stronger.” He answered. “There are sacrifices to be made on the way.”

Miwa snapped. “And you are the one to talk about sacrifices?”

“Well, I suppose I am.”

“What a dumb fucking excuse to rob me of potentially last moments with someone I love.” She pushed the chair away so hard it almost tripped over. “At least you got to watch him die”.

Utahime called out for her, but Kasumi had already shut the door closed behind her back, leaving nothing but pulsing blood inside of her ears. She needed to get to the hospital wing and she needed to do it now. Without thinking, Miwa ripped out the tape that was in place of a window they all broke on her first day in Tokyo, and jumped out, landing on her hands and knees.

What a dumb excuse it was.

(at least you got to watch him die)

What a dumb fucking excuse.

Chapter 28

If Kokichi had a nickel for every time he found himself waking up in a new unexpected place, the amount of nickels would be a little concerning. Rain hitting closed windows looked rather stormy, which was weird – it was sunny in Kyoto, Muta was sure it was sunny. Did he blackout for long enough for the weather to make such a drastic turn? What time was it? Where were the girls?

First attempt to sit down almost finished with him throwing his guts up on the floor. Something was deeply wrong. Pattern on the walls around was hardly understandable in all the darkness that hugged the room, but as far as Muta was concerned the layout was… unfamiliar. He was desperately trying to turn his body on the other side when his hand brushed against his ribs by accident. Bandages. Fresh. Kokichi ran his fingers from the part where it ended up though his whole torso, getting over one shoulder too. Did he get hurt? But when? Where were Mai and Momo? Were they okay?

Think, Muta said to himself, remember.

It was a cold morning, he was sharing a scarf with Mai. Momo said something that made him mad, he couldn’t recall what even when he really tried, and then they went to the starting point. Was Mai with them too? No, no, she couldn’t be, she wasn’t allowed to be too close to cursed energy outbursts. Was it only Momo and him then? What happened? Was she okay? Was she hurt?

Think, think, think…

There was an explosion, something really loud. Kokichi could see Momo on her broom, yes, she was on her broom – he recalled jumping to catch her just in time. But why was he catching her? What was the danger? What was the sound of explosion then? Was it real?

Doorhandle twisted silently in the dark, but the door didn’t budge. There was no sound though, quite literally no sound, almost like outside world got cut off from entering the room. Now when he thought about it, it was raining heavily, drops hitting several dark windows continuously, but there was no rain heard. Something wasn’t right. Something wasn’t right at all. Kokichi made another effort to sit down, this time actually propping himself up against the bedframe. It was embarrassing how much energy this easy move drew from his body, embarrassing how his whole skeletal structure started to buzz with dumb pain right after.

What the fuck had happened to make him feel so dead again?

Some movement from the door brought Muta’s attention back to it. At some point, there was a quiet pop, almost like a small bubble exploded out of a sudden – and he started to hear rain. He felt a shiver go down his spine. It was by all means not an ordinary room. Somebody locked him in with a cursed technic. On purpose.

Windows flashed with colour, invisible curtains disappearing, and now Kokichi could tell that it wasn’t, in fact, nighttime. The sky was dark and completely covered with heavy clouds, but it was still very obviously something around midday, maybe a little later, but only a tiny-tiny bit. There was so many sounds so suddenly, Muta’s head started to spin: thunder roaring, wind fighting with trees in the background, cars driving somewhere really-really far away. There was something else in this rainy music, something so quiet it almost got lost, almost slipped away from his senses. Kokichi wasn’t sure if he really heard it, but then sound repeated again, getting rid of all the doubts.

There were footsteps. Someone was behind the door.

Just by instinct Muta felt his whole body tense. It was some kind of an animal fear – being wounded, captured, not able to move properly, not remembering a thing from the morning… Kokichi bit his tongue so hard he tasted metallic blood. Doorknob twisted again, and the door actually swung open slowly. An outline of a person standing in a doorway looked so familiar it pained Muta deeply. His eyes traced the body from dirty white sneakers up to muddy knees and a skirt. Tokyo-high shirt with unmistakable bronze button, blue hair.

“Miwa,” he whispered, “is that really you?”

She took a step inside, shutting the door behind. His eyes couldn’t lie to him that much, could they? Did he die once again, did he failed so hard Heaven spared him their most ethereal angel? Miwa was pressing herself tightly against the door, breathing heavily, knees and hands muddy, with clothes and hair soaking wet – and the only thing Kokichi could think about was that she was still the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

“Hi.” She said eventually. “You’re alive.”

And it was like replaying the same conversation that happened months ago, back in her room in Kyoto, with Utahime in the background. Kokichi couldn’t help but move despite all the pain, trying to get up. His whole body was useless, knees failing, the world spinning around. One step, Muta took only one step before collapsing on the ground. He was so-so ready to meet face to face with a cold tiles with some pretty bluish design, but instead he felt hands catching him just in time. His forehead ended up pressing into Miwa’s shoulder, and she felt so unreally real that Kokichi wanted to scream.

Muta whispered: “Are you real?”

Kasumi chuckled quietly and the sound of her clear laugh resonated from his head to his toes. “Did they drug you a little?” she wiped her muddy hands onto her skirt to be able to touch his face lightly. Kokichi almost confessed that he couldn’t care less about her hands being dirty if she was really staying by his side now. “Of course I’m real.”

Head spinning didn’t get any better, only worse. Muta turned his face to the side, burying his nose in a side of her neck. She smelled like rain and something minty. Kokichi felt his breath got stuck deep into his lungs for a second. “I missed you… so much…”

Miwa brushed her lips against his temple, touch so weightless Muta wanted to scream.

“I missed you too.” She sniffed. “Let’s get you back on the bed, okay?”

For a second Kasumi stepped back, and Kokichi couldn’t control his hands that grabbed her back in like he was some kind of a wild caged animal. “Don’t leave. Please.”

“I’m here.” She whispered. “I’m here, I promise. Give me your hand. Yes, like this. Good. On my three, okay? One, two…”

“Report... trauma, vitals are dropping. On my three – one, two…”

Kokichi heard his heart pounding in his ears. He remembered the light, bright white light, remembered the smell of blood and someone screaming. There was a woman, someone was holding his hand until pleasant darkness finally wrapped its arms around his shoulders. How badly was he hurt? What were the voices around? What… what happened?

“That’s better, right?” Miwa fluffed a pillow behind his back a little. “Sorry, I have mud all over me, I’m not sure I can sit down…”

“You can.” Kokichi blurted out. “Please, sit down.”

Kasumi didn’t argue. She placed herself next to his legs, and now he could finally see her face. Was it his eyes playing tricks or did she look… tired?

“Where are we?” he asked cautiously. “Do you know what… what happened?”

A bright flash lit up the whole room right before roaming thunder made shivers go down his spine. Miwa flinched. Kokichi felt an unstoppable urge to press her small frame against his bandaged chest and hold her tight until the storm passes, and at this point he didn’t know if he was talking about the physical one or the one that put deep dark circles under a pair of his favourite blue eyes.

 “We are in Tokyo, Kokichi.” She said. “You got… hurt. I don’t know what happened, I, ehrm, didn’t… didn’t know. I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

Her whole body was shaking, and suddenly Kasumi became two times smaller. She hugged her shoulders trying to stop them from trembling, but it was obvious that the more pressure she put on herself the worse her condition became. Kokichi noticed how badly she tried not to cry, how badly her voice cracked in-between these unneeded apologies.

“It’s okay. Hey, look at me,” he reached out, putting a hand on her leg, “it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s okay.”

“But it’s not!” Miwa broke and Kokichi could had sworn he heard the sound of it, something like glass shattered, something like the crack of a really thin ice. “It’s not okay. I should have known, I should have been here, here with you! I saw the lights, the lights of the ambulance, these goddamn lights, and I still left! I didn’t even try to question it. And you were here, you were hurt. You needed me, and I wasn’t around.”

It pained him deeply to see her cry. “You are here now and it’s enough for me, it truly is. You have nothing to be sorry about it, Miwa.”

“Do you mean it?” she whispered in-between heavy sobs. “Do you really mean it?”

“I do.” Muta said. “Moreover, I’m not sure I could have lied even if I tried. I might be kinda drugged, yknow?” he smirked and Miwa let a smile slowly appear on her face. “Your words, not mine!”

Words seemed to loose meaning at times like these, and both of them understood it more than anyone else. Kasumi carefully moved closer, close enough to reach over for a much needed hug, and as soon as her arms wrapped around Kokichi’s neck he pulled her on his lap. It was painful, it indeed was – for a second the world in front of his eyes went dark from pain that stroke his chest – but he didn’t let go. He couldn’t.

They talked a little about what happened to him, but mostly with no luck – Miwa only knew that he was transported to Tokyo due to a medical emergency and that it was bad enough for everyone to try to conceal it. There was no news about neither Mai nor Momo getting hurt too, so they must had been okay. That tight feeling of worry finally let go of his lungs – Kokichi couldn’t care less what had happened to him anymore. As long as his friends were okay, he was fine too. It was nothing but one more wound that would end up in a dark reddish scar. Nothing he hadn’t seen before, really. Nothing that having Miwa on his lap couldn’t fix.

“I missed you, I missed you, I missed you so so so much.” He whispered quietly, breathing in the smell of her skin, of her hair. “Why you stopped writing to me? I got the news, I heard you got hurt, I got so scared for you… I tried to call, I called so many times and all of them went to voice mail. I was so scared, I was so…” Muta didn’t want to say it, but the word slid from the tip of his tongue despite all his attempts to keep it in. “…so mad.”

“You were mad?” Miwa pulled away to look into his eyes and Kokichi wanted to slap himself across the face. The regret he had about starting this conversation grew in size with every upcoming second, with every small barely noticeable change in Kasumi’s demeanour, with the way her shoulders sank and her hands slipped away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I… I guess I got too wrapped up in my own life, I didn’t even… I didn’t even think it could make you feel mad.”

When he was alone in his room, with a phone in his hands and anger in his head, he had so much to say. He had so much to say, so many unpleasant things, so many raw thoughts that should had never happened in the first place, so many painful raw opinions. He thought that as soon as he would see Miwa, he would tell her everything, everything from feeling left behind to that stubbing jealousy deep behind his lungs, everything from mad to madder, from sad to sadder… He was so deadly stoked onto telling Kasumi everything, but as soon as he actually saw her eyes in front of him he suddenly wasn’t mad anymore. Out of nowhere, all these weeks disappeared, all these harsh words, all these painful dark feelings – everything vanished, leaving space for desperate longing rested deep into his eyes. I missed you so much I forgot how to be mad at all.

“I don’t think I am anymore.” He laughed uncomfortably. “But I was. A lot. I wasn’t nice either, I should have been worried about you, not throwing a pity-party for myself, so-”

“And I should have answered sooner.” Miwa said. “I shouldn’t have ignored you in the first place.”

For a second there was only silence in-between them, almost like there was some unexplainable exchange of thoughts happening. At some point this eye contact became unbearable to keep, so they both broke down laughing.

“Look at us,” Kasumi giggled. “How smart, how mature!”

Instead of answering, Kokichi pulled her in, ignoring the pain once again. Being ruled by pure desire, Miwa closed the distance between them, her lips meeting his, and Muta forgot how to breathe at all. When he felt her pulling away slightly, he reached over again, asking, begging – and Kasumi kissed him again. Her hair was all wet, her clothes were soaked, her hands were cold as ice, and still Kokichi felt the warmest he had been in the past five weeks.

“Oh god, I really missed you.” He whispered. Miwa giggled as Muta showered her face with small careful kisses, and Kokichi couldn’t remember even a single trace of resent he had before. He couldn’t even imagine that he had problems with saying these words via messages, that was how easy they were leaving his mouth. It was unexpectedly easy to say it out loud.

With his head pleasantly empty, Muta reached out and kissed Miwa again. And it was light, it was nice, it was everything and anything he had ever dreamt about.

Good half an hour went by with Kasumi’s head on his shoulder and his hand in her hair. She was telling him about Tokyo, about her new classmates and the way blackout almost kicked her ass off the tower. Kokichi held her closer during this speech, as close as his tired pained hands could do. He wanted more than anything in the world to take away her fear, take away her worry. If he could give his own peace in exchange of these tiring days, he would do it without thinking. Miwa was a treasure, she was his treasure – his heart sank thinking about how badly hurt she ended up being after her first mission and how deep of a trace it left on her mental state.

“Kokichi,” Kasumi said suddenly after a long pause. “Can you be mine?”

He choked on air trying to look cool and unbothered, but his whole face burned bright red. “I mean, I am no one else’s but yours, Miwa.”

“Oh.” She sighed. “I mean, as in… relationship, kind of, stuff. Do you want to be my… my boyfriend?”

For a quick second Muta caught himself thinking that he might had been actually drugged, cause there was no way all these amazing things were happening to him at the same time. No way he not only got to see the girl he loves the most in the whole world, but also hear her say something so valuable, something so dear to him. Unable to believe his luck, he whispered carefully:

“Do you really mean it?”

“Of course I do.” She answered. “It’s okay if you don’t though, I know that we don’t see each other much and it might be weird.” Miwa was rumbling with her fingers tracing the outline of bandages on his chest. “I just thought how we are, like, in-between, and it’s weird, cause my feelings for you are not in-between, and I was just… Anyway, feel free to decline, it’s not that important anyway, hah, these labels! Who came up with them? So dumb, hah, really, so…”

“Miwa.” He said. “Look at me.”

She took a deep breath in before slowly turning her eyes to meet Kokichi’s.

“I am fucking stoked right now.” Only now Muta noticed how embarrassingly shaky his voice was. “I am the luckiest guy in the whole damn world to call you mine. God, it sounds so good. You are my girlfriend, dear fucking god.”

“And you are my boyfriend.” Miwa said in return.

Kokichi felt his fingers tremble. “You aren’t joking, are you? You are sure?”

“I am.”

“Oh my god,” he said once again, loudly. “I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world. No, wait – my girlfriend is the most beautiful girl in the world. That’s it, that’s better. Oh fuck. Oh fuck.”

Miwa couldn’t keep her laugh in anymore. She pressed her forehead into Muta’s shoulder, trying to mute her giggling, but failing miserably. Kokichi tucked a strand of blue hair behind her ear lovingly:

“Why are you laughing?”

“Because,” she got even closer, pressing her nose into sensitive skin on his neck, “I don’t think I have ever heard you swear before.”

Being with her was as easy as breathing, as natural as watching the sun get up and go down every day. Miwa’s laugh was kind and soft, and without thinking twice Kokichi cupped her cheek and kissed her again, long and warm. Kasumi smiled into the kiss, leaning closer and closer and closer, until there was no space between their bodies and it felt right.

Dear god, Kokichi thought to himself, nothing had ever felt as right as having her lips on his, nothing had ever felt as right as having her hands in his hair, her nose tucked into his collarbones, his hand hugging her knees closer… There was no thing in the whole world that came even slightly close to the feeling of pure heaven that Miwa was bringing into his life, making him feel blessed progressively more and more and more with every upcoming day.

Kokichi was never into religion, but he prayed to something bigger to let this moment stay there with him forever.

 

Chapter 29

Notes:

Miwa, like that one Hannibal meme: I Might Have Had Overreacted

The first thing Miwa saw after opening the door was Gojo’s silhouette. He was sitting with his forehead propped on his knees far away from the entrance, but at the same time close enough to not go unnoticed. There was an invisible curved line saving him from the storm – an activated cursed technic. Miwa stepped under the rain once again, shivering from the cold.

“He needs painkillers.” Kasumi said loud enough to make herself heard. “And food.”

Satoru waved his hand looking in the other direction. “Already got Shoko. She’s gonna be here in five minutes tops.”

Miwa scrunched her nose, feeling water go down her spine. “Great.”

She took exactly three and a half steps towards the main building before her mind finally got to her. There might had been an overreaction happening back in the kitchen. Kasumi didn’t mean half of the words she screamed there, and, thinking about it now, she noticed the feeling of annoying guilt scratching insides of her body painfully. She took a deep breath – water went up her nose and made her sneeze loudly – and turned back sharply.

As soon as she propped herself down in respective distance from her teacher, she suddenly stopped feeling raindrops. Gojo’s invisible protection wall slowly grew bigger, covering now both of them safely. Miwa wanted to swear really loudly – she didn’t need this charity kindness thrown down to her. It was just some rain, it wasn’t that necessary. She didn’t need another reason to feel even more guilty than she had already been feeling.

“I am…” she sighed. “I am sorry I said you were lucky to see Suguru Geto die.”

Gojo shrugged, sparing her a look that was surprisingly far away from angry. “Not like you were wrong, yknow, kiddo?” he laughed when Kasumi’s face darkened dangerously. “Jokin’, jokin’. I know your name, just enjoy to make people mad on purpose. Feels nice, right?”

“Not really.” Miwa barked back sharply. “Making people mad leaves me feeling like a piece of shit. I don’t know what’s happening with me.” She waited for a quick second before burrowing her face in her knees too. “I didn’t even mean to shout.”

It was the truth. There had been no thoughts about screaming in her head, especially screaming these terrible-terrible things, it just sort of… happened. One second Miwa was calm and composed, all polite smiles and comfortable nods, and then in a matter of seconds she saw herself screaming her lungs out. And not at just anyone, no – at her best friend and teachers that she admired so much! Kasumi recalled herself screaming and it was like watching a disaster unfold in slow-motion with a third view – inevitable and scary.

“Tch, don’t let in get into your head.” Satoru threw his arms up, stretching, and a curved line of pure energy stretched alongside his hands like some type of plastic wrap. “Happens to the best of us, it definitely does.”

Conversation sort of came to a dead end for a second, and Miwa looked up from the ground just on time to catch a glimpse of Shoko’s unmistakable white coat disappearing inside of the room. Hopefully, she would help Kokichi. His pain kind of got out of hand right before Kasumi left. He really needed some painkillers, a decent lunch and an explanation. Her boyfriend… How unusual yet amazing this word echoed inside of her chest.

“Why didn't you send anyone else there?” Kasumi whispered, barely hearing even her own words. “Why didn't you send literally anyone, anyone else?”

“There was no one.” Gojo answered easily.

Kasumi looked him dead in his eyes. “I don’t believe you.”

“There was really no one to send in your place, Miwa.” Satoru repeated. “Inumaki got seriously injured during last blackout closing, Yuji still doesn’t know how to use his brand-new powers, and Megumi can’t be let around splashes of energy for now. And obviously we needed Yuta here, in case Shoko would need someone who could lend her a hand in terms of reversed cursed energy manipulation.”

“What’s wrong with Megumi?”

Gojo spared her a slightly concerned look. “You didn’t know?” Kasumi shook her head slowly. “Last time when he was around the blackout-zone, he started hearing Sukuna’s voice again. It kind of freaked poor kid out and Yuta had to send him away hand in hand with Yuji, cause, yknow, they only come in pair.”

Miwa suddenly felt even worse. She didn’t even remember that both Yuji and Megumi got separated from their last mission together, so she had never asked any questions. It explained a lot, it really did – the look at Fushiguro’s face right after the mission, the way Yuji stayed glued by his side all the time right after it, the way he was nowhere on their strategic schedule for clearing out Tokyo… It seemed so easy now, when Kasumi had actually heard it out loud.

“Couldn’t, like, you go or something?” she muttered more to herself than to get a decent answer from Satoru.

“They needed me here.” He answered nonetheless. “I don’t think you realise how bad the situation got. How much did you understand from our kitchen talk?”

Kasumi shrugged, looking away shamefully. She couldn’t recall a single thing apart the fact that Kokichi got hurt. It didn’t seem embarrassing before, but it did look extremely bad now. She couldn’t even listen to the most important information about her boyfriend – that’s how freaking angry and betrayed she felt! And now she was outside, hair still wet and clothes still soaked, feeling nothing but extremely outrageously stupid.

“Kokichi wasn’t supposed to leave Kyoto’s school borders. Not because we didn’t believe in him or something, no – it was an official decision. There was documents signed about him remaining there until the blame of a traitor would be taken off of his forehead. So when he not only escaped with two of your classmates, but also got himself in such a big trouble… You can imagine the reaction it caused, can’t you?”

“He didn’t mean any harm.” Kasumi whispered. “He wanted to help.”

“It didn’t matter then and it doesn’t matter now.” Gojo cut her off. “This whole documents thing was a complete bullshit if you ask me, but it was still a valid community decision that had to be respected to maintain the peace we all need for now. It wasn’t respected, so…”

Kasumi blinked several times, picking up on some dangerous notes in Satoru’s voice. “What so? What’s gonna happen to him now? Gojo-sensei, what’s going to happen to Kokichi?”

“We can’t say anything just yet.” He sighed. “But the higher-ups are on their way here right now. There will be an official trial held that will define if a child is safe enough to stay alive.”

An official trial? Safe enough so stay alive? Miwa couldn’t believe her ears. It was outrageous, it was disgusting, it was… bad. It was bad, it was really, really bad. They were children, they fought in the war that was meant for the higher-ups, they fought in their place, and they won, and now one of them will go though a trial?

“He is just seventeen.” Miwa said, hearing thoughts in her head spinning chaotically. “He can’t be put up for a trial.”

Gojo didn’t answer. He was looking at the sky while Kasumi couldn’t take her eyes away from his face. It couldn’t be true, could it? There were so many powerful people on their side, there was no way the trial would finish in a death sentence, right? There was Utahime, there was Gojo Satoru himself, there were Zenin family, there was clan Kamo… They had enough support, hadn’t they? Hadn’t they?

Miwa couldn’t figure out who’s voice was brought in by stormy wind until she realised it was familiar.

Because it was her own.

“Save him.” The whisper said. “I beg you, save him.”

Satoru chuckled. “If it was as easy as that!”

“Please.” Miwa repeated once again, not recognising that cracked excuse of a person she had suddenly become. “I will do anything. I will never raise my voice again, I will never say anything bad again. Please.” She felt her eyes sting with tears. “I can’t lose him. Not again.”

On the first look Gojo was seemingly unbothered, both of his elbows propped on his knees, supporting his head with an absentminded branded smile that only Satoru Gojo himself had going on, but there was something else there. Something else that darkened his eyes, something else that made him pick on his own skin. He shifted his gaze to look her in the face and Miwa felt a shiver go down her spine.

Was it her imagination, or, for a second, for a quick second, Satoru Gojo looked her in the eyes and saw someone else sitting in front of him.

That moment passed as quickly as it came, and suddenly there was nothing left from that weird expression that found its home deep inside blue eyes concealed behind dark tinted glasses.

“Okay.” He said.

Miwa blinked twice. “What?”

“I will save him.”

“Really?” Kasumi whispered. “Really?”

“Can’t promise anything though, these old pricks are a hell to deal with, and…”

There was no comprehension happening from Miwa’s side. Suddenly, all words stopped making sense for her. She reached over and took her teacher’s hand, bowing as deep as her position let her. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. I will do anything. I will never scream again, I will never be a nuance again.”

“Tch.” He scoffed. “In contrary.”

“What?”

“Keep screaming.” He smiled. “Keep screaming, keep showing up, keep standing up for yourself and others. If needed, scream twice as much and twice as loud. Keep taking up space.”

“I… I don’t understand.” Kasumi looked up at her teacher and he shifted his glasses slightly.

“I remember you as kind quiet girl from Kyoto who liked to play it safe. This morning, back in the kitchen, I saw a sorcerer who wasn’t afraid to bite back, no matter how big the opponent is.”

Miwa frowned in return: “I raised my voice. You are my teacher.”

“And the best lesson I can give to any of you is to always question authority.” He smiled and took his hand away. “Get back up, Miwa. You deserve to keep your head as high as anyone else in here. You fought for it.”

It was nonsense, all these talks! There was no way screaming like a mad person was a good sign, Gojo-sensei was probably lying to her. But if he was lying, then why her heart hurt so badly? Why there was tears in her eyes, why her fingers here digging into her own skin, why, why, why…

You deserve to keep your head as high as anyone else in here.

Did she really?..

“The only thing I will ask from you in return,” Satoru said, “is to stay in Tokyo till you finish school. Both me and Utahime believe that it will be the best place for you to study in judging by the growth that you have already showed after only five weeks here. Do you think you can do this?”

Till the end of the studying meant one and a half year more. Miwa suddenly remembered how green was the garden right in front of their common room window back in Kyoto. She remembered how easy it was to crawl out of it, to feel the grass under your feet. She remembered sprinting to meet Yuta through it, remembered how Todo was running around with Kasumi on his shoulders, remembered all the quiet evenings spent napping on Momo’s knees. She remembered meeting Kokichi for the first time there. She remembered meeting him there again after he died.

Kyoto was never just a school for her, it was her home. Every room, every corner, every corridor carried so many memories, so many stories… She grew up there, spent her first personal trainings with Utahime-san there, fell in love for the first time, failed her first exam, won her first sparring. There was no place like her first jujutsu school tucked away neatly on the outskirts of Kyoto, exactly fifteen minutes from the first store on the way and exactly half an hour if you wanted a coffee.

There were people waiting for her back there. There was her whole family back in Kyoto, her mom, her dad; there was Mai, Momo, Aoi and Noritoshi. There was Kokichi waiting for her there. What would she tell them, what would he tell him?

“You will still have a part of your summer break to go back there, also a winter one. If you will miss it too much, we can always sent you there to help for a week or something,” Satoru tried. “I don’t want to keep you in Tokyo against your will. If you want to go back – I will still do my best to save Kokichi. I kinda have already promised someone to save him, so...”

“I’ll stay.”

Miwa took a deep breath in and repeated. “I will stay. I know it’s better for me to study here, at least for now. Thank you.”

It wasn’t a decision made in a hurry. If Kasumi was completely honest, she had thought about it before. There was an impossible longing for home deep in her chest, longing for these quiet evenings and Kokichi’s hand in hers, but she couldn’t let it come before the chance she was given. For the first time in her whole life, she was succeeding. Not just getting from test to test, not just running last, not just being anyone in the crowd, no – for the first time since starting her jujutsu studying, Kasumi Miwa was someone. And there was no way she could let this feeling go.

“Perfect!” Gojo clapped, getting Kasumi out of her head quickly. “And one more thing!”

“How many things there are?” Miwa chuckled.

“More than you think,” he winked mysteriously. There must had been a joke going next, but instead Satoru hit her right in the face with a straight-forward cruel question. “Have you already decided what to do after graduation?”

Kasumi wanted to laugh in his face. After graduation? Already decided? Funny, really, really funny. Maybe it was some kind of game adults were playing, the one where everything bad that had happened to them somehow disappeared, but since Miwa was still technically a teenager, she hadn’t gotten a hang of it just yet. So she answered just as the answer was laid in her head, without trying to conceal anything or to change:

“No.” She said. “I thought I would die before it.”

Instead of freaking out, Gojo smiled. It seemed like she wasn’t the first one answering this question with that exact wording.

“What about being a teacher?”

“A teacher?”

Satoru nodded. “Yep, a jujutsu teacher. How does it sound?”

Without even thinking, Miwa jumped in head first, blurting out a response faster than her brain could comprehend the context:

“It sounds nice.” And then, trying to remain calm: “Why are you asking?”

“When I said we can’t afford to mess up with higher-ups, I meant more in a, ehm, material way. I can’t stand them, but since they take part in deciding the future of our schools…” Gojo shrugged, almost like trying to shake off a disgusting feeling interaction with these old people had given him. Miwa wanted to laugh, but didn’t. It was the closest to a living human she had ever seen The Greatest Sorcerer act. “There is a program that we are trying to push through. It will take place here, in Tokyo High, and will present as a separate course from a regular one. We call it a rehabilitation program.”

“Rehabilitation?”

“For people with cursed energy that is different from others. For the ones that have a cursed user’s ones too.” Miwa suddenly couldn’t take her eyes away. “Yuji would have been signed in if we had one when he arrived, you and Yuta also, Kokichi Muta too. It was a huge mistake from our side to mix everyone together, and it’s time to finally fix it.”

Kasumi covered her mouth with her hands. “Its… amazing! It’s so great, oh my god. So many people will have a chance to succeed, so many people… It’s such a wonderful idea, Gojo-sensei!”

“Can’t take all the credit, it was Utahime who started it.” He smiled and the smile was as soft as it could be. “Anyway, it will be a completely separate course: separate program, separate missions, separate teachers. Still in the same building, cause we have enough space, but you get the idea.”

“Yeah, I do.” Miwa nodded. “Why are you telling it to me though?”

“Here’s a thing.” Satoru started. “Since I will be moved to a higher position, I will barely have time to train the regular course, not talking about the rehabilitation one. These kids will need someone to be around. To teach them, to train them, to knock some sense in their heads, yknow, typical teacher’s work. And no one can empathise better with special type cursed energy children than a special type cursed energy adult.”

There was something hot and heavy in Kasumi’s head. She felt her whole body go though a round of small needles picking on her skin.

“I have already talked to Yuta. He had already planned to stay here as a sorcerer, so he wasn’t opposed to this idea. But you know Yuta, he is heavy sometimes. He has some issues, it can be hard for him to connect with some people, and by all means he is not a certified teacher, so… He needs someone by his side. Someone who he trusts deeply, someone that he can rely on.”

“No.”

“Don’t say no before you think about it.”

Miwa shook her head frantically. “I can’t actually be a teacher. I’ve never been good enough to be one.”

“Maybe you haven’t.” Gojo said, getting up slowly. “But school's not over yet, is it?”

There was a moment of silence in-between them, and Kasumi couldn’t help but wonder if there was still time for her to try. She imagined herself as a teacher, imagined standing shoulder to shoulder with Yuta, giving a chance they had never had to children like them. Kasumi imagined herself as a teacher and in her head she looked exactly like Iori Utahime.

When she finally found strength to unglue her eyes from the ground, there was no rain anymore. Clouds were slowly dissolving, opening little pieces of blue midday sky here and there. Something in the way the sun was shining through made all her insides ache with unstoppable dull pain. Without thinking twice, she jumped back on her feet and hurried over to the main building, leaving an isolated hospital wing far behind her back.

Chapter 30

Notes:

hope you have a great weeek!!

The day had automatically restarted itself as soon as her feet touched a fluffy carpet laid down neatly by the shower. Now, when cold clothes were thrown into a laundry bin and hair was washed-masked-conditioned twice just for the sake of staying under hot water a little longer, Miwa finally started to feel like herself again. Before dressing back up in something warm and comfy, Kasumi stayed in front of the mirror carefully disinfecting new wounds and re-examinating old ones. Luckily, morning mission didn’t gift her anything but a few deep scratches, but it had never hurt to double check.

Kasumi didn’t owe a full-body mirror in her Kyoto room, so it took her quite some time to get used to the one that every bathroom here in Tokyo had. Her weight was still way lower than it was before the war, but it was coming back slowly, settling into her fragile frame with newly obtained muscle mass. Even now Miwa couldn’t look at herself longer than a few quick seconds. If she stared long enough, she could had heard the sound of wrist bones breaking and glass scratching onto her skin.

“I’m coming in!”

Kasumi pushed the door open. There was no answer for a good minute, so she decided to let herself in. Yuta wouldn’t mind anyway.

The room was consumed by darkness: closed curtains, no overhead light, only a little lamp next to the bed buzzing quietly. Okkotsu was sitting down with his back facing the door. It looked like he was scribbling something in a journal, movements fast and nervous, with rock music busting so loud in his headphones Miwa easily recognised the song still standing in a doorway. She closed the door behind and approached her friend slowly.

Without thinking, Kasumi tapped Yuta’s shoulder lightly, and smiled, preparing to drop some joke. It would be nice if she thought about her actions before. It would be nice if she recalled that Okkotsu was even more broken than she was. It all would be really nice, cause instead of jumping, Yuta turned around…

And Miwa felt a rush of cursed energy go thought her spine. She blinked, she blinked for something that felt like a mere second, but when Kasumi opened her eyes, she was on the floor next to a wall in a different side of the room with Yuta shaking her shoulders, looking pale as death.

“Can you hear me? Dear lord, Miwa? Can you hear me?”

Kasumi blinked. There was a metal taste in her mouth that had become so familiar at that point it was no longer scary. “Damn, you’re strong.”

“I could have killed you!” he whispered. “What were you thinking? I’m sorry, here, I’m so sorry.”

“Tch, no worries.” She said. “Well-deserved.”

Accepting Okkotsu’s hand was a good idea, since there was no way she could had stood up by herself. He led her to bed where she happily collapsed on a neatly arranged row of pillows.

“Do you want some water? Some painkillers?” Yuta was jumping around chaotically. “Shoko! I can call Shoko! Yes, I can call…”

“Yuta,” Miwa scowled, “sit down.”

Surprisingly, he propped himself on the edge of his bed immediately. Kasumi moved her legs to lay them on his lap and he moved closer for her to feel comfier.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Kokichi.” Yuta said.

“I’m sorry I didn’t want to listen to you, and sorry I shouted.” Miwa sighed in return. “I should have known you would never do anything like this by your own will. Now I know there was no other way.”

“Did you talk to Gojo-sensei then?”

“I did.” Kasumi looked at the ceiling, her head still spinning slightly from a hit that she had taken. “Met him next to the hospital wing when I was leaving. He told me everything.”

For a second Okkotsu went silent, until his eyes sparkled with a question. “When you were… leaving?”

“Yes. Talked to Kokichi, set there a little, but then realised he needed some meds and food and I really needed a shower, so…”

“So you were inside of his room?”

Miwa second-guessed who got hit in the head – her or her best friend.

“Yes,” she answered, “I was in his room. What’s the matter? I’m not allowed to see my boyfriend anymore?”

“Your what?” Yuta rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Nevermind. You weren’t supposed to be there! It was locked.”

“Yeah, and it’s a door. You can unlock it.”

“No, Miwa, you don’t get it!” Okkotsu moved a little closer to see her eyes. “The room was locked cause I locked it. With cursed energy. It was sealed.”

There was a moment of mutually executed silence with both of them staring at each other with nothing but blank expression behind their eyes. The room had been sealed? Had it really? Yes, it took some time to figure out how to open it, but it certainly hadn’t been sealed shut by the second strongest sorcerer in Japan.

“I just opened it.” Kasumi whispered, lost. “I caught the energy, it felt like one of these old chain locks where you have to do a little labyrinth before it can get unlocked, but that labyrinth was a little longer than it usually is. I would say I sat there for, like, ten minutes maybe? Fifteen?”

“Time doesn’t matter.” Yuta mumbled. “Holy fuck, you opened the sealed door! You opened the sealed door! I can’t believe it! Who taught you this?”

“Nobody!” Miwa protested. “It isn’t that big of a deal, is it? You can just… reseal it, right?”

“It doesn’t matter either.” He said. 

“Then what does matter?”

Yuta looked her straight in the eyes. “You do.”

Another long second went by with them staring each other in the eyes. Miwa had nothing to say in return, being even more confused than Okkotsu himself was. She didn’t say anything, didn’t even open her mouth – just looked at Yuta with her big blue eyes, and somehow he read in them everything that was going on inside her head.

“You talked to Gojo.” He repeated, before freezing in place unexpectedly. “You know about the Rehabilitation Program. The second one that he was talking about. It’s you.”

Miwa suddenly was so-so ready to jump back on her feet and run as fast and as far as it was humanly possible. She shifted a little, pressing her knees into her chest. There was still metal flavour covering her teeth. Yuta was still staring at her, mesmerised. When Kasumi finally caught onto the fact that that one conversation was inevitable, she finally gave up with a long loud sigh: 

“I didn’t say yes.”

Yuta jumped in place, getting onto the bed with both of his legs on. “What do you mean you didn’t say yes? Why?”

Kasumi shrugged in return. “Meh.”

“Don’t “meh” on me, not when one of your biggest dreams are handed to you by Satoru Gojo himself and you don’t immediately scream yes?” he seemed even more agitated by that deal than Miwa herself was. “It was your biggest dream, to teach. You wrote it to me. I remember.”

“It doesn’t matter what my “big girl dream” was about.” Kasumi looked away, embarrassed. “I am not even quite as great as you are, what the hell am I gonna give to these children? My own insecurities? My fears? Thank you, I’d spare.”

“That’s nonsense!”

“You know it’s not.”

“It is.” Yuta said. “Sorcery can be taught. Being yourself can’t.”

“We are all,” Miwa put her hands in the air before slamming them onto her face, “being ourselves here. “Myself” is not like the greatest thing you can be.”

She felt mattrass bent under weight of another body as Yuta propped himself shoulder to shoulder next to Kasumi. “Being “myself” also not the best thing I can offer people.”

“People who have their names in jujutsu hall of fame are not allowed to talk.” Miwa chuckled.

“Well, Gojo-sensei has his name up there too,” he said, “but your favourite teacher is still Utahime-san.”

Something in this sentence might had hit a painful place in Kasumi’s heart, cause she stumbled upon her own breath, forgetting how to inhale air for a second. It was true. Iori Utahime was a teacher, but sorcery-speaking she wasn’t exactly on top of the world. There were some students, both from Tokyo and Kyoto, that could had taken a place above her in a rating if offered a chance. Both schools had remarkably bright sorcerers, and somehow these exceptional pupils still were looking up towards people who weren’t exactly on top of them to begin with. Utahime-san was an extraordinary teacher, who cared about her students deeply and fought for their well-being with all she got. Imagining herself as a teacher, Miwa was always standing next to Iori, in a similar traditional clothing, with the hair put together neatly in the back.

When thinking about a teacher that she wanted to be like, she had never thought about The Strongest – she thought about a regular woman who made her tea when she was feeling unwell.

“Being “the strongest” is not a requirement for being a great teacher.” Yuta said softly. “There are so many things to be taught apart of being strong, and when I think about these things,” he whispered, “I always think about you.”

***

It was already dark when the door swung open without a warning. Kokichi was kind of – really, really kind of – hoping to see Miwa standing in the doorway, but deep inside he knew she would had never came in in such an arrogant way. Even back in Tokyo she had always used to knock and patiently wait for an answer. It was Miwa that he knew, that he loved so much it pained him deeply. He hoped it would be her standing in a doorway.

But in a doorway stood… a man.

“Damn, she knocked it off like some type of grade-4 basic shit!” he laughed out loud, studying a lock closely. “What a mystery package this kid is!”

Even when the person still didn’t quite cross the border of the hospital room, Muta had already felt their presence. A hot, disturbing feeling started to crawl up from his toes to the ends of his hair, leaving invisible marks on his body that ached like bruises. His heart was beating twice as fast, and still healing skin under bandages seemed to burn. There was no need for introductions when an entrance left a room without a trace of oxygen.

Satoru Gojo pushed his black-tinted glasses higher, flashing his bright smile, and closed the door shut behind his back. “Didn’t think I’m gonna be the one wishing you goodnights? At least pretend you’re happy to see one of your teachers. Don’t know what Utahime is teaching yall there, but obviously not manners, ha!”

Kokichi couldn’t even try to laugh it off. He was staring at Satoru Gojo, unable to move his eyes away. There was a feeling of being hunted, being hunted for sport by the greatest predator possible. He tried to rationalise that fear, tried to tell himself that it was just a teacher, a teacher just like Utahime-san, he couldn’t hurt him, there was no reason for him to hurt a student. Gojo snapped his fingers and suddenly the lock made a screeching sound, closing itself, and windows with a beautiful scenery suddenly went all pitch-black again.

Satoru Gojo was standing right next to his bed. Kokichi tried to take a breath, but there seemed to be some dark entity pressing onto his ribcage that blocked it from moving up and down. He was staring right into darkness of charmed glasses, trying to catch a glimpse of blue eyes behind them.

“Don’t be afraid, kiddo.” Satoru laughed. “One time is enough. I’m not here to harm you.”

Muta felt his fingers dig into the bed, bones aching deeply. “Why… why are you here?”

“I’m here… on behalf of people who care, I would say!” Gojo leaned onto the bedframe and Kokichi instinctively moved his knees closer to his chest, even though moving any part of his body only worsened the pain. “You don’t have a lot of time, yknow? The first responders have already arrived, I barely escaped their old smelly asses. They probs will held a trial at night to finish as early as possible, cause they are noisy and just like to blah-blah-blah around the bush.”

Kokichi knew he looked like a small scared animal. He saw his reflection in Gojo Satoru’s glasses and somehow he looked so unexpectedly tiny under white hospital blanket it was scary to watch. Most of his fear came not from just facing The Greatest Sorcerer himself, but from facing him after he fucked his pre-trial conditions up. Before, there was still a chance he would had made it out alive. Now? Who knew!

“So, we have literally, like, right now to whip up something that will make your problematic soul worth saving. Any ideas?”

Muta had no ideas. He was a traitor, because of him students were hurt, sealing of Gojo Satoru went perfectly well and the war tilted dangerously close to the wrong side winning. After being officially considered a traitor, he was illegally brought back to live, putting under a blow both Utahime-san and Shoko, and then he proceeded to fuck his own conditions of detention up! And not by a little, no – fuck up by a lot, flat lining on an operating table and involving four different sorcerers to get his heart back to life. It was, by any means, fucking up a lot. There were no ideas that could had potentially be that saving.

“None? Great, cause I don’t like competition.” Satoru smiled like it was not a closed hospital room, like there was no lives at stake. He smiled like it was some type of a scary broken game. Kokichi felt shivers go down his spine. “My idea, is like, perfect, cause we had several brains braining it up, so listen closely cause it would tire me to repeat myself twice.”

He leaned over the bedframe with both of his hands, rocking back and forth on his feet like a child being happy to share his unique thoughts.

“I know you have already done a Binding Vow once.” Gojo started. “What about doing it again?”

Kokichi took a sharp breath, trying to make himself look bigger than he felt: “I don’t think I’m allowed to utilise my cursed energy now.”

“Tch, in this closed room you are entitled to everything!” he tapped onto the bedframe several times and somehow Muta felt an impact deep in his joints. “I want you to make a Binding Vow. With me.”

“…with you?”

“Yep, with me, cause apparently I’m doing charity work now!”

“I don’t think I’m… I’m getting it.” Kokichi whispered back.

Gojo clicked his tongue. “These kids! I want you to make a Binding Vow with me about never breaking the laws of Jujutsu again.” And, before Muta could even open his mouth, Satoru continued. “But since I know that the laws of jujutsu sometimes are an utter bullshit, so what about vowing to never go against ideals of… a person, for example? A teacher?”

“You want me to vow to never go against your ideals?”

“Nah, ‘course no. You’re not my kid.” Gojo yawned slowly. “I mean Iori’s ideals.”

That sounded… better. Obeying laws of jujutsu sounded like a nightmare, obeying Satoru Gojo – a better idea, but still rather questionable due to his controversial beliefs. Following ideals of Utahime-sensei was a completely different story. Despite failing her over and over again, Kokichi had deeply rooted respect for his teacher. They shared a lot of common values and outlooks on jujutsu society, and Muta was ready to follow her wherever she went. If he had to do a Binding Vow in order to stay alive, the one involving Utahime-san would be the best option out there.

“Will it affect Utahime-sensei in any way?” Kokichi asked, his spine unexpectedly straight.

“No. You are vowing to follow her ideals, but you are making a Binding Vow with me and my energy, so it doesn’t affect Iori at all. It kind of affects me though…”

Muta crippled back into the beddings. “…really?”

“No.” Satoru answered. “I lied.” He continued talking like nothing had happened. “Just wanted to keep ya on edge, nothing personal. Binding Vows take an amount of energy that’s basically unnoticeable for me, so it’s fine. It will be enough of it to kill you on a spot if you fail the Vow though. Yknow, just in case.”

“I won’t need that case.” Kokichi said confidently. “I won’t be a bother ever again for you. I promise.”

“Never say never, kiddo!” Satoru shrugged. “Who knows what department you’ll end up working for later!”

“None.” Muta looked straight into the black tinted glasses. “I’m quitting.”

“Oh.” Gojo smiled, but it looked slightly different now. Slightly more real. “Didn’t expect that from the most jujutsu-tied kid possible.”

Muta tried his best not to back down. “That’s why I am quitting. I don’t want to be just a jujutsu kid anymore.”

Satoru Gojo looked back at him, glasses slowly sliding down from his face, and that moment of silence sounded so true and intimate Kokichi almost withdrew his words back. He didn’t have time though, cause teacher just chuckled, propping his glasses back up, and stretched his hand forward for a handshake.

“Gotcha. Won’t bother me again, will you, little one?”

“You won’t ever see me again after graduation.” Kokichi said. “It’s a deal.”

He reached forward and shook Gojo’s hand, feeling his head spinning faster and faster with every upcoming second. There was no way back from it.

There was only forward.

Chapter 31

Notes:

istg the pain train stops eventually ISTG IT DOES

“It’s done.” Shoko officiated. “It’s over.”

Kokichi still was half asleep when news arrived. If his biological watch was right, it was barely six-something when the door opened and Tokyo High doctor slipped inside of the room silently. She had to tap his shoulder good amount of times before Muta could actually open his eyes wide enough to process information. It wasn’t out of the blue, that sleepiness – after yesterday’s conversation with Satoru Gojo Kokichi couldn’t sleep a wink all the way till the morning. And it felt like as soon as he closed his eyes the door had opened. And the nightmare was finally over.

“Am i…”

“Alive, yeah.” Shoko lit a cigarette with the calmest face possible. “I can’t even call it ‘pulling a few strings’, ya’ bastard was out there dragging these poor strings around like crazy. Don’t know what Iori did to him, but it must had been terrifying enough to conquer the madness these old asses created up there.”

Kokichi didn’t know what to say. Shoko looked like he felt, and he really wanted to offer her a seat and a coffee. He would had ran to the kitchen for her if his bones weren’t aching so much. Doctor looked like she could had really used some help. Suddenly awake, he didn’t know what to do with his hands.

“Thank you,” Muta whispered. “It means the life for me.”

Ieiri chuckled. “No jokes it does.”

She stepped back towards the door and tapped its handle several times, in a manner that made Kokichi’s body freeze for a moment. Just a second, nothing more, but the amount of cursed energy that washed over him was crazy. Windows turned see-though again, and suddenly there was morning sounds of birds chirping in the background and leaves rustling quietly. That was it, that was the difference between a room being sealed by someone else and by Satoru Gojo himself. The energy. Muta tried to breath, but choked on his own tongue, almost crashing its tip with his teeth.

“You’re off painkillers.” Shoko threw back at him calmly. “Your body is fixed and all these pains are phantom. Get over it and get up. I’ll send in your girl-gang troublemakers as soon as they wake up. And oh, almost forgot.” She looked outside of the room, right next to the doorstep. “I think that’s your girl over here.”

Ieiri kneeled slowly, reaching somewhere outside of his field of view. Muta felt his heart skip a beat.

“Love, you’re gonna catch another cold and your teacher is not gonna give you any extra days off. That’s not summer to be sleeping outside. Yes, it’s morning already, seven at least. Do you want a hand? No? Great, I’d prefer it that way.” She got up, dusting invisible mud off of her clothing. For a moment, Shoko’s eyes circled back to Kokichi and she put up an index finger in the air, threating tones rising in her voice. “No goddamn sex in my hospital unit, understood?”

Muta felt a heat rush crawl up his neck towards his face, and the sight of his state alone must had been enough of an answer for Ieiri to nod confidently and turn on her heels away and towards the main building. The door stayed opened. Even through a mental wall of unbearable embarrassment Kokichi still heard someone roaming right outside the entrance. It wasn’t even a second before Miwa stumbled upon the doorframe, almost knocking herself over the small step before the door.

“Good morning.” She smiled, blue wavy hair all over the place. “I wanted to be the first to say hi, but overestimated how long yesterday was. Oops.”

Kasumi was wearing some soft pjmas with pink hearts scattered all over the print, and a pair of pink crocs. It wasn’t her usual go-for color, which made Kokichi think back towards that one story he accidently saw on Nobara’s Instagram, the one from a big shopping trip when Miwa had just gotten to Tokyo. There must had been someone’s input in that clothing choice, and now, looking at Kasumi smiling in a doorway of a hospital room, Muta felt really eager to shake Nobara’s hand for it. Because even though the color was unusual for Kasumi, she felt so incredibly huggable in it, Kokichi felt his head spin.

“Come here.” He called out, voice suddenly raspy with longing. “It’s cold outside.”

Miwa chuckled and closed the door behind her back. Kokichi opened his arms and caught his girl into a tight embrace, breathing in fresh smell of her shampoo. Kasumi said something, but his mind refused to register anything apart of her cold skin pressed against his and her heartbeat echoing in his ears. It was over. It was finally over.

He was alive. He was alive and there was nothing spiralling dangerously in the background anymore! No guillotine rising to crash his bones, no judge to take away his right to breathe, no pain nesting into the bones, waiting to be released… There was nothing else, but the future. Nothing else but Miwa in his arms, looking at him worryingly, nothing but her fingers putting a strand of his hair behind his ear. It didn’t hit Kokichi when he shook hands with Gojo Satoru, didn’t hit him late at night in-between second and third panic attack, didn’t even hit him when Shoko tapped his shoulder and pronounced him finally alive… It didn’t hit him at any of these moments. Didn’t hit him until Miwa wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself firmly into that deeply needed hug.

It was finally over. The traitor was finally gone. Kokichi Muta was alive, and there was nothing that could had taken away that singing feeling in his heart. He didn’t want to cry in front of Miwa again, so he reached towards her lips instead.

Kasumi’s fingers were in his hair, and he couldn’t help but press her closer and closer to himself, almost trying to melt their bodies together to satisfy that longing that nested deep into his heart. There was nothing but love in his head, nothing but pure gentle desire to spend the rest of his life like that, with Miwa’s hands caressing back of his head and his fingers leaving lovemarks onto her thighs.

“It’s okay.” She whispered into his lips. “It’s okay, I’m here. I’m here. It’s okay, it’s going to be okay now. We will be okay.”

Kokichi really, desperately and shamefully didn’t want to cry in front of Kasumi again, but somehow he blinked – and Miwa was wiping away his tears with a soft smile. She kept repeating over and over “it’s okay, we are okay”, and Muta couldn’t help but hide his face into the collar of her pink shirt, feeling panic cover him overhead once again.

What would he do now? What would he do? It was so easy before: from just serving a purpose to counting days before possible execution, there was nothing else on the horizon for him as a sorcerer, as a traitor, as something that was supposed to be called human but were a little too off to be called one. He listened to Mai talking about plans, about life outside of jujutsu, and he could had never imagined himself outside of the school walls. They started not thinking they would survive the war, and while everyone had already moved on from that terrible thought, he was still there. While everyone was moving on, Kokichi Muta was still thinking he wouldn’t make it past his own graduation.

But now, what now? He promised Satoru Gojo that he wouldn’t be a bother anymore, but it had come out more as a panicking mumbling than an actual thought. Kokichi had never planned his life neither in Jujutsu world, nor outside of it. There was basically no future for him, but now? What would he do now?

Miwa placed a gentle kiss on his temple and somehow life felt a little more bearable. “It’s okay.” She said. “We can figure it out together, day by day. We can do this, okay? I love you. I’m not gonna leave.”

There was something similar to a lightning strike his whole body. For a second, Kokichi thought he was hallucinating, but Kasumi’s voice was as clear as day, and her skin under his fingertips was as real as it could had been. Miwa kept talking, soothing words flowing out of her mouth, like she herself wasn’t aware that she had just shattered his whole world apart with just three words.

Kokichi needed a second before he could see straight again. “You… you love me?” he whispered, voice barely audible.

And only then Miwa stopped speaking, only then she seemed to realise. Her whole face flushed bright pink, and her blue eyes suddenly couldn’t find a place to look at. Kokichi felt his bones ache deeply in a way no painkiller ever invented could had fixed. Did he scare her? Was it a mistake to point it out? Maybe it was just a slip of the tongue, just something that people say to each other in times of hardships, just something… something easy, something absolutely not-world-shattering.

He wanted to say something, but before he could figure out the words, Miwa found the courage to look back into his eyes.

“I do.” She said. “Is it… okay?”

“Is it okay?” Kokichi felt his voice shake. He cupped Kasumi’s face with both of his hands, not able to stop them from trembling visibly. “I have loved you since the day I met you. You were the only one wearing one of these name-tags they gave us and you drew a little blue heart next to your name. You had a ponytail with a flowery hairband and these cropped jeans with hand-painted pockets.”

“And you told me…”

“…that they looked amazing. You smiled and asked if I needed help to put a nametag on my doll. I fucking hated the idea of having a nametag on, but I still said yes, just because I knew it meant I could see you smile again. ‘Is it okay?’” He chuckled. “Miwa, I have loved you more than I remember myself. You were the only thing that kept me going when everything went down at this goddamn school. Since the day I saw you in a common room, on your favourite seat next to the window, and till my very last breath, you were my one and only thought.” He couldn’t help his trembling body, his shaking voice. “Fuck, when I was bleeding out in that fucking grass, I thought that I would give up everything that I had only for you to look my way one more time and smile.”

It was a lot. He was a lot. Kokichi Muta was a lot and he was very much aware of himself being a lot, but he still kept talking and talking and talking, unable to stop, unable to bite back his tongue. He prayed with all he had that he wouldn’t scare Miwa away. He prayed and prayed and prayed, but kept going anyway.

“Are you… are you sure?” he whispered, lost. “It’s okay if you’re not, it’s okay, I can wait how long you wait, if I’m too much, or if I’m scary, or if I need to not touch you, I can do this. I can stay as far away from you as you want if I scare you. I’m sorry, I know it’s too much, I know I’m too much. I’m sorry I can’t stop talking. My hands are probably sweaty, I’m sorry, I can’t stop thinking, I can’t make it stop. I love you so much I can’t make it stop.”

“Kokichi.” Miwa called him quietly. “I love you.”

And her repeating these words must had broken something inside of Muta once again, cause he did in fact stop. He was staring back in her blue eyes, and there was no sign of Kasumi being scared of him, no sign of her being disgusted. There was love in her eyes. There was love in Miwa’s eyes and Kokichi couldn’t breathe.

“I love you.” She said once again, covering his hands with hers. “You are not too much. I love you. And your hands are nice.” Kasumi moved his knuckles closer to leave a quick subtle kiss on top of them. “I love you. You could have never scared me even if you wanted to. I love you and I want to love you till the day I die.”

“You are real.” Kokichi breathed out. “You are real. And you love me.”

“I love you.” Miwa chuckled. “I will say it as many times as you need it. I love you.”

“You really do?”

Kasumi smiled. “I really do.”

Without a second thought, Kokichi closed the distance between them, placing a kiss on Miwa’s lips. She smiled when his hands moved to her waist, and he pressed himself closely to her body, unable to spend even a single second away.

“I love you.” Muta whispered into the kiss. “I love you. I love you so much I can’t breathe. I love you.”

Kasumi giggled and this sound resonating inside of his lungs singlehandedly saved his life.

Later, after the main wave of emotions had passed, Miwa found home on his chest, cheek pressed into his ribcage, listening to his heart skipping a beat from time to time. Kasumi was playing with his hand while talking and Kokichi couldn’t believe it was real. Miwa loved him. Miwa loved him, and she was his girlfriend, and she was pressed to his side, and he could smell her skin, smell her hair, feel her chest lifting up slowly with every calm breath she took. If it was a morphine dream, Muta thought to himself, he didn’t want to wake up anymore.

“And then I was like ‘I’m sorry I said you were lucky to see your boyfriend die’. I mean, I said “Suguru Geto”, but we all know what I was actually saying, so…”

“You think they were boyfriends?” Kokichi chuckled.

Miwa scoffed. “At least, if not married. The whole third year is traumatised by him ruminating about his loss. I mean, it is a heartbreaking story, but maybe let’s not put it out on your students? Poor Yuta needs to learn to say ‘fuck you’ sometimes. Someone has to, yknow. Anyway,” she traced an invisible line on his skin with her nails lightly, and Kokichi felt something close to heaven crawl up his spine. “He was like, I appreciate you screaming at me. And I was like, wow, thank you, but why? And then he said, that it’s because it’s nice to see students stand up to a “bigger fish”. He thinks it’s gonna make me a great teacher, this trait. That I’m not afraid of being bitten back.”

Even in his blessed state of mind Muta still tried his best to listen and understand, so when the last sentence slipped away from his brain he made sure to doublecheck: “A good teacher?”

“Oh, yes, a good teacher! Since I’m staying here for another year, he wants me to apply to a young teaching program cause they need someone to curate a special course. It’s a nice choice, and “co-parenting” some troubled kids with Yuta seems like a fun thing to do, so I think I’m gonna say yes. Will be stuck in Tokyo for quite some time, but I’m slowly growing to like it here. And the people are nice, so…”

Wait.

Wait, wait-wait-wait.

A teacher in Tokyo?

“Gotcha. Won’t bother me again, will you, little one?”

“You won’t ever see me again after graduation.” Kokichi said. “It’s a deal.”

 

Oh no.

Not again. No.

“I didn’t expect to be that close with Inumaki, but since we both love Yuta we tend to spend a lot of time together. Maybe it doesn’t make sense when I say it, but it makes perfect sense in my head, I swear! I even learned some sign language. Still wonky, but at least I can say some basic stuff. And Nobara! Nobara is really kind to me, she even…”

Miwa was talking with her head pressed firmly against his chest. She was sleepy from staying outside of the hospital unit all morning, and her voice was growing progressively more and more relaxed with every upcoming word. She talked and talked until her voice went silent, and her breath became more even. She didn’t seem to notice that Kokichi stopped breathing for a second.

He held his breath long enough to start choking on air silently, he held it long enough to realise that it wasn’t a morphine dream. It was, in fact, reality.

The one that had never ever worked out in his favour.

An the one that did it.

Once again.

Notes:

and with that chapter we are officially over 100k words!! huge thanks to everyone who supports me on this long journey of giving the only straight couple in a 10km radius of jjk fandom a nice well-developed happy ending! see ya on the other side :>

Chapter 32

Notes:

CW: some slurs here and there from one gay to another

enjoy children before everything goes down AGAIN

For some time there was nothing but careful comforting silence with a steady heartbeat right under her cheek. It was warm, the feeling, and Miwa fought opening her eyes for a good minute or two. Even when noises had completely woken her up, she still tried her best to go back to sleep. Her hand slipped alongside Kokichi’s torso, and she rubbed her nose somewhere in between his chin and ear. She could had been tripping, but the heart under her fingertips started beating faster.

One of the voices laughed: “Wow, I guess we should come back later or something?”

“Quiter! Let her sleep, look at her black circles! We need to fix them before prom or I doubt even my own makeup skills won’t be enough.” 

“Love, if you fix her black circles, she’s gonna stand out like a sore thumb.” The other voice whispered. “Who here doesn’t have them?”

“This bitch.”

“Stop calling me that!” a voice hummed right next to her ear.

“What else should I call you after you threw yourself right onto that curse?”

“I dunno, your savior? At least say thank you.”

There was some movement close to the bed, and Miwa instinctively shut her eyes even tighter. There was so much comfort in how her hair was played with carefully, in how Kokichi’s voice rang in her ears with low vibrations of his chest… Maybe a minute more? Maybe ten? Twenty? 

“Oh, yeah, thanks. If the curse wouldn’t kill me, Kasumi would!” someone screamed out louder. “You don’t think with your head at all, dumbass! Isn’t one time enough for you? Isn’t it enough for her?”

“Momo-“

Okay, maybe there was no time left for her to spare. Without thinking twice, Kasumi opened her eyes and met face to face with her Kyoto bestfriend. Suddenly, everyone went quiet: screaming stopped abruptly, their dialog being cut in half by Miwa’s unexpected awakening. It was a little weird to see girls at school without their uniform, and Kasumi was swiped away with a wave of painful nostalgy.

Zenin’s hair got longer, now reaching her shoulders, and she wore a simple hair hoop to keep annoyingly long bangs away from her face. Both of her hands were bandaged up to her elbows, and Kasumi felt guilt stinging insides of her lungs – she knew that Kokcihi got hurt helping out their classmates, but Kasumi didn’t even ask about their well-being before jumping head-first into crazy fear for her boyfriend. Momo also seemed quite worn out: her signature ponytails got substituted with a low messy bun that looked like it was done in first two second after waking up, and the look at Nishimiya’s face made Kasumi feel haunted. She looked over her best friend searching for visible injuries, but there were none. Without thinking, she found Kokichi’s hand under a blanket and gave it a light squeeze.

Thank you.

Mai was looking at Momo, Kokichi was looking at Mai, and Nishimiya was looking… at her. Miwa sighed loudly, pressing herself up from Muta’s chest:

“Wow,” she said, “you look like hell.”

Momo looked back at her, tears forming in her bright blue eyes. “I’m so fucking sure I do.”

And the next thing Miwa remembered was Nishimiya’s hands around her waist and her face pressed tightly into her shoulder. Without even a moment of delay, Kasumi held her friend back. For a second it felt like she was trying to hold together an ancient vase falling apart drastically, like a ceramic cup with cracks and scratches all over the place. From behind of them, Mai smiled politely and Kasumi couldn’t help but shine the same happy smile back.

“Did you come all the way to see me?” Kasumi joked. “What an honor!”

“Shut up!” Momo sniffed into her shirt. “You can’t imagine what Kyoto turned into since you left!”

“Well,” Miwa propped her chin on Nishimiya’s temple. “Tell me then. I’m all ears.”

***

For the love of Heaven and everything else included, girls decided to hopelessly ignore the fact that Miwa not only shared a bed with Kokichi, but also looked suspiciously too comfortable with her hands around him at all times. Momo spared her a few telling glances, but Kasumi ignored all of them with grace. She knew perfectly that as soon as they would stay alone there would be some friendly neighborhood questioning involved, but for now they were together in a kitchen of Tokyo Jujutsu High, stealing communal coffee in truly questionable amounts.

“I love Nobara, honestly. She is, like, an ultimate Girl’s Girl.” Miwa pressed buttons on a coffee machine in a manner that imprinted onto her brain deeply. “And also, unexpectedly, but Inumaki. He is such a pleasure to be around, we hang out a lot watching youtube or reading. He is also funny as hell. The first thing he taught me in sign language was “I fucked your mom”.”

Zenin chuckled, getting herself up on a kitchen counter: “Muta, your girl is getting language lessons from another guy, be careful!” 

“Oh, don’t even try!” Kasumi rolled her eyes. “They have matching skincare with Yuta. Babes are as fruity as they could possibly be.”

“Disgusting.” Momo scrunched her nose theatrically. “If I ever get myself matching skincare with Mai, shoot me right in place, I beg you.”

Zenin laughed and placed a light kiss on her girlfriend’s temple. Kokichi rolled his eyes as far as they could go, and Kasumi hit his shoulder with no harm involved. The last thing she wanted was to get picked on because of her own romantic moments, so if Muta wanted to roll his eyes, he was advised to roll them in an opposite direction from their friends.

“So, for how long are you staying?” Miwa asked, setting cups on a table. “Only to pick up Kokichi?”

“We don’t really know, honestly.” Mai said, untying Momo’s hair and brushing through it with her fingers. “We thought we were here till the trial, but it was yesterday, and as well as I’m aware, we should have been sent back to Kyoto yesterday, like, all together.”

Nishimiya leaned back onto the counter, letting Zenin rebraid her hair into something more presentable. “Utahime-san has some business here. And since we are still here, it’s not a personal deal and probably includes Kyoto High too.”

“Business? What kind of it?” Kasumi tilted her head slightly.

“It’s you who we should ask.” Zenin nodded. “Tokyo kids seem to always know more than us, so…”

“I’m not a Tokyo kid.” Miwa looked straight back at her. “I’m from Kyoto and I will always be a “Kyoto kid””

Nishimiya tugged her head back, hitting Mai right in the chin. Zenin ouched and hissed a quick apology back: “You are. Sorry, Miwa. It’s been hard there without you.”

“I’m sorry.” Kasumi whispered. She felt a hand slowly crawl up her forearm, guiding her closer to Kokichi. He silently pressed his cheek into the back of her hand, and a heavy burden on her chest became a little more bearable.

There was early spring outside of the window, cold wind rocking green trees slowly from right to left and back. It would probably rain later in the day, again. Maybe, even a thunderstorm? She would have checked the weather if her phone wasn’t up in her room, as always. Trying to ease the atmosphere a little, she smiled, getting a coffee jug and pouring everyone some. In a matter of seconds kitchen stopped smelling like despair and memories, and got filled with deep scent of freshly brewed coffee with something hopeful on the side.

They spent some time in silence, a healthy one, not the torturous. Miwa took out some crackers and biscuits from their shared shelves, and together they had a late lazy breakfast. Mai braided Momo’s hair into two beautiful neat braids, and Miwa’s mind jumped right to the memory they shared once in a darkness of a common room back in Kyoto – Mai, actually, was really-really good in these girly things. She braided her sister’s hair a lot when they were children. Kasumi couldn’t help but wonder, if it would ever happen again after all that happened in these three years of jujutsu.

It was hard not to notice that her and Kokichi weren’t the only ones whose relationships got affected heavily by surviving a war. Mai and Momo felt as close as ever. Close not in that oversweetened first-date way, but close in a way a steady secure couple would be. They knew each other’s habits, recognized little gestures and smallest behavioral changes. Miwa watched in awe how Momo put some sugar in Zenin’s coffee before putting some in her own cup. Zenin didn’t even notice – she was too busy searching for and putting aside strawberry biscuits from the mixed pack. They were Nishimiya’s favorites.

“Do you want to see my room?” Miwa asked suddenly.

“Can I have a wardrobe haul?” Nishimiya peeked over to look at her best friend.

“Most of my clothes were chosen with Nobara’s heavy hand.” Kasumi chuckled. “I was too embarrassed to spend money that wasn’t my own so she kind of… took charge.”

“As she should.” Nishimiya slurped her coffee loudly. “Queen.”

Mai laughed and they got in a silly pretend-fight with Momo about her complimenting her sister’s girlfriend. For some time Kasumi just watched them, feeling this overwhelming essence of home finding her again, but soon after she noticed that Kokichi by her side was unusually quiet.

“Everything okay?” Miwa whispered, putting a strand of his hair behind his ear.

Muta smiled in return: “Or course it is.”

And Miwa didn’t believe it.

Word after word, skipping doors, skipping steps on the stairs, skipping washing the dishes – and the group found themselves on a second floor, where all the dorm rooms were located.

“First there are Yuji and Megumi, they share a wall. Then there is Inumaki, his room is cozy and has the biggest window out of everyone else’s. Yuta has just the biggest room, but only cause it was Gojo’s office before he moved it away to the staff wing. Then, in order, there are girls: Nobara, me and Maki. Panda is the only one who has a room on the first floor – he likes to be closer to earth, makes him feel safe.” One by one they passed by the rooms with identical doors. “I got here at a nice time – right before new first-years arrived, school torn down and rebuilt from scratch all the floor. Now everyone has their own bathroom, but before it was only girls and boys one.”

“I can see that the principle is a rich ass prick.” Mai chuckled and got a well-deserved supportive smile from Momo, who obviously shared the same thought process.

“He spends a lot of money on his students, so, eh, I guess it’s okay?” Kasumi shrugged. She pushed her door without searching for a key – she had lost it three times already, so the door was opened almost always – and slid into a room silently.

“So, here I usually do my homework, that’s where I keep my clothes, that’s…” Kasumi stopped for a second, making eye contact with a figure sitting on the floor next to the window. “That’s Inumaki, we say “good morning Inumaki”!”

Mai was the only one actually repeating out loud: “Good morning Inumaki!”

Both Momo and Kokichi tried their best not to crush out laughing, but it was obvious they were struggling to keep it together. Using that moment for herself, Miwa signed slowly, remembering easy words on the go.

“What are you doing here?” she signed.

“You didn’t come to finish Ghostbusters yesterday.” Inumaki signed in return. At some point Miwa’s face had had to be really confused, cause he took a step back and signed missed part again, but slower. “So I came here in the morning. Where did you sleep?”

Kasumi didn’t answer. Instead, she threw a glance at Kokichi and Toge chuckled. “Salmon Roe.”

“Oh, shut up!” Kasumi sighed. “Anyway, feel free to roam around. My stuff is your stuff.”

Miwa noticed that for a second Momo and Inumaki locked eyes, and there was some spiritual connection sparkle in-between of them, but instead of putting a huge sign “do not separate” on them, it put the opposite – “separate us immediately we fucking beg you”. Afraid of a potentional emotional buildup, Kasumi stepped in-between of them and fell onto the bed facing Toge.

“Don’t tell Yuta.” She signed.

“Fish flakes.”

“C’mon, I kept your secrets, you keep mine! Pretty please?”

“Fish flakes.”

“Well, your little friend is not being too helpful, is he?” Momo murmured, head deep into Miwa’s closet. She didn’t understand sign language, just went by the vibes of Toge’s voice – and was as right as ever.

Kasumi saw Inumaki’s eyes focus on her best friend immediately.

“Caviar.”

Kasumi sighed: “Toge!”

“What did he say?”

“It’s nothing.”

Inumaki, having an absolute zero compassion towards people in the room, smiled widely and mysteriously, before spelling a word in sign language…

“And what did he say now?”

Miwa’s face went red. “I can’t say it!”

“You can!”

“Oh, no, Momo, I can’t.”

Kokichi and Mai were standing in respectful distance away from everyone else, monitoring situation silently.

“Caviar.”

“What did he say?”

Kasumi closed her eyes tightly: “Well, I can’t say it, but… he might have… might have called you a slur.”

“Oh, a slur? Me?” Nishimiya closed closet doors a little too loud for a person trying to seem unbothered. “Well, I am obviously not the biggest faggot in the room. Where is your baby-boy, dear? Getting your couple face-masks ready?”

Inumaki slowly traced the empty air between Miwa and Momo, stopping his gaze right on Kasumi’s face. “I don’t know how she knows. I didn’t tell nothing.”

He signed something and her eyes went wide opened. “I’m not gonna say it.” He kept signing, and Kasumi just crawled away from the bed and towards the door. “I’m not gonna… I’m not…” she passed by Kokichi and Mai in a hurry, opened the door and screamed out loud in a corridor: “Yuta! Yuta, come pick your boyfriend up!” Momo turned around to Inumaki, hearing him keep screaming out stuff. “Toge, I won’t call my friend a “loser lesbian”, it’s not nice.”

“You won’t call me what---”

***

When Yuta had finally arrived, Momo and Inumaki was thoughtfully staffed into two opposite corners of the room. Kokichi was the only one sitting awkwardly in the middle, not sure where to put himself. Mai was holding her girlfriend as close as possible, but Miwa still had to turn Toge around and sit with him facing the wall. Queer drama inside of the room got heated so quickly it almost ended up in a dangerous explosion, gladly caught right before hurting anyone and everyone in a ten kilometer radius.

“You are mean.” Kasumi whispered. “She is my best friend.” Inumaki looked back at her with an expression that seemed a little done. “Yes, she is also mean, but it doesn’t excuse your behavior! Both of you are mean. If you were dogs I would place you in an “air jail”!”

Nishimiya in an opposite corner bit Mai’s hand to make her let go of her face: “Did you just called me a dog?!”

“I called both of you dogs.” Kasumi said back patiently.

Okkotsu stopped in a doorway, caught in a middle of that exchange of words, and rubbed his tired eyes aggressively:

“Why are you all are here?”

Everyone looked at him, but Miwa was the only one to speak. “We had breakfast. I showed them my room.”

“That’s great.” He sighed out. “Gojo have just sent first-years to pick you up from hospital unit. They’re gonna freak out that you’re not there.” 

“Why did your guy send someone for us?” Nishimiya called out.

Yuta raised his eyebrows. “You didn’t hear?”

“Well, if we heard, I wouldn’t be fucking asking-“

“Kenjaku was spotted in Tokyo.” He said. “It’s believed he plans to sabotage Shibuya. Again." 

Chapter 33

“Thank you everyone for coming.” Utahime nodded, standing in front of a classroom filled with children, and Kokichi found himself instinctively nodding back.

Chosen room was rather small, and upon their arrival few desks were moved closer to walls to free some space for more chairs. There was no need for class segregation, but children still intuitively stack together, even if it meant brushing shoulders with each other due to sizing of a room.

Tokyo students occupied the part next to the window. Nobara crawled up on one of the desks and propped her legs on Yuji’s chair. She looked quite busy with making small braids on his grown out pink hair. Megumi sat next to them, looking way more serious and focused than both of first years together. On the floor pretty close to them lied Panda, with his unbothered expression on his animal face. Yuta was sitting on the floor too, his back propped against Panda’s fluffy arm. Inumaki sat on a chair with both of his legs folded criss-cross. Maki, who sat straight next to him, made sure to reach out and snap his wrist lightly every time he was starting to pick on his cuticles. Together, they somehow gave out that united vibe that Kyoto High sometimes was lacking drastically, and, if Kokishi was speaking honestly, it didn’t help their situation at all. They had already felt like intruders in a foreign school, they didn’t need any more reminders of their own uselessness.

Mai and Momo placed their chair so close their shoulders were touching. Muta wanted to put himself somehow further away from Tokyo group, but still in respectful distance from a couple, so he found himself occupying one of the tables next to the wall with Miwa on his arm. Despite the fact that she was there, in flesh in blood, her cheek pressed into his shoulder, Kokichi’s mind was circling back to the very first second after they walked into the door of the room, because Kasumi didn’t immediately stay by their side. Ruled by pure habit, she took several steps towards Tokyo side, and then, almost like remembering on the spot, turned around to place herself down next to her actual classmates. That hesitation lasted a mere second, and he seemed to be the only one who noticed it. But he did notice.

And that feeling of stupid unexplainable betrayal clawed onto his insides with power that could break his bones.

“As you all are aware already, Kenjaku was spotted next to closed quoters of Shibuya by Tokyo third-years. They reported it immediately, and our team succeeded in placing a mark onto his energy trail. Basically, we now are aware of his relocation, and for the past several days the mark was circling back towards the blackout placed in the deepest parts of the station.” Iori shifted to the side, letting pupils take a look on the whiteboard with red marks placed around the city centre. “Luckily, we had all higherups in here yesterday, so apart of discussing… personal issues,” Kokichi didn’t look away from the board but his skin tingled, pierced by the amount of eyes staring, “we also had time to get an approval for the biggest operation since the official sealing of the Kind of Curses.”

Gojo was standing by Utahime’s side, unexpectedly silent and non-interrupting, giving her space to speak. Kokichi wondered if it was actually the same person that planted deep-rooted animal fear into his soul twelve hours earlier in a hospital wing.

“Together, Kyoto High and Tokyo High will be sent to close the blackout and eliminate Kenjaku. Everyone in this room will be part of it. Unfortunately, we are down in numbers on Kyoto side, but I can assure you both Todo and Noritoshi are handling important tasks back in their hometown. There is no need to worry, thought, since this time,” she smiled, “your teachers will be fighting by your side.”

Audible gasp rolled around the room. Even Nobara looked up from braiding Yuji’s hair. Muta felt Miwa stiffen on his side, and squeezed her shoulders lightly.

“Kenjaku will be none of your concerns, kiddos.” Gojo flashed his unique smile. “And neither will be the blackout. The only thing we need from ya is to keep civilians save and sound while we do the dirty work underground.”

“Yeah, like you have never told the same shit to us before.” Kugisaki chuckled. “We can’t stay behind and let you get sealed again, or worse.”

“She’s right, sensei.” Maki nodded, and together with her all Tokyo side started to agree.

“Tch, like being right ever mattered!” Satoru laughed and propped himself up on teacher’s desk. “Yall are kids, and since it’s us now making plans, and now our bellowed, crumbling, bald…”

Iori hummed with her eyes closed: “Gojo.”

“…higherups, we are not putting you out on frontlines. You have me, you have Utahime-san, and there also will be several special grade sorcerers involved as a support team.”

“We are your support team.” Yuji grinned back. “We can’t let you get yourself in danger again, sensei!”

Kokichi noticed a small change in the face of The Strongest Sorcerer alive – just a moment, not more, not less, there was fondness that only a parent can have towards their child. A moment, and it was gone forever, substituted with his signature smile once again.

“Then I’m glad you are not the one in charge here.” He looked away from his kids, showing that a conversation was over, and tugged a sleeve of Utahime’s robe lightly. “Iori, I think we can proceed.” She nodded, and cleaned a whiteboard quickly. Gojo handed her differently coloured markers to write down names in three separate columns.

“The first group will be busy with controlling curses. They will inevitably crawl out from the station, and your job will be to, if not defeat, then to keep them underground as long as possible. As soon as we’ll close the blackout, most of the curses will experience a significant drop in power and finishing them will be quite easy.” Utahime made a headline for the first group – a word written in red ink. Attack. “The second one mostly won’t be present on the field unless something won’t go wrong.” She changed marker to a green one, circling a group of people.

Miwa, himself, Momo and Inumaki.

“These are an emergency reaction team members. You will be on periphery of the battlefield, saving your energy for a possible worst outcome. If we fail to close the blackout and Kenjaku will use its odds against us,” Utahime-san looked over at Gojo for a second, and he nodded silently, “then we’ll need all your energy to evacuate all civilians from surrounding zones. You will be working hand in hand with governmental emergency services to make sure you can take as many bystanders as far away as possible.”

Kasumi readjust herself slightly, picking her head up from his shoulder. It felt strangely empty without the weight of her body, and Kokichi felt his heart sink. He couldn’t hear anything besides his own rushing thoughts. Miwa leaned forward and locked eyes with the whiteboard, seemingly forgetting about anything else around her. She looked so focused, so determined. Muta squeezed his hands together hard enough to make his knuckles crack. She’s going to be a teacher. You will die being no one.

“Megumi and Mai, you both will be in charge of these two groups of people. Your task – optimizing their work, monitoring cursed energy activity and make sure everyone gets out safely in case of an emergency call. It’s important to save as many civilians as we can, but the most important part for you will be to get each other out safe.” Utahime looked over a suspiciously silent class. “You must be well-aware that after war jujutsu society lost a lot of valuable people. Everyone in this room is a future of jujutsu. Don’t rob newcoming kids from a chance of having upper-classmen’s guidance.”

Tokyo kids looked at their teacher, almost like searching for an opposing argument, almost like waiting for him to jump in front on Iori, loud as ever, and scream that it was all a big silly joke and they were all gladly welcomingly invited to die. They waited, but Satoru kept standing silently in place, not moving a single muscle.

“Any questions?”

Kokichi looked over names and felt jealousy start to pick on his skin. “Nobara, Yuji, Maki, Yuta, Panda”. Deep inside, he knew why only Tokyo students were selected for at attacking group, but on a surface level he was mad. Was he so pathetic, so weak? Maybe, everyone was too afraid that he would die, that he would die again? Muta pouted visibly, even though he tried his best not to. More than anything in the world, he wanted to put himself to work. He wanted to prove that there was still something special about him, that he was still a star-student from Kyoto, the best of the best.

More than anything in the world Kokichi Muta desired to prove that we was worthy of being alive.

“If that’s all ya folks have, then we can call it quits and go order some snacks. Someone wants pizza?” Gojo pulled his legs up on the table, sitting criss-cross. “C’mon, we will start an operation tomorrow evening, and no one wants to get some pregame Italian pizza? It’s my treat.”

“Salmon.” Inumaki called out from his seat. His voice must had been charmed even through the code, cause as soon as he said it, everyone else started nodding too.

Kokichi watched as Miwa slid from the table and pulled herself closer to Tokyo group. They greeted her like one of her own: Nobara pressed her into a tight hug, ruffling her already messy hair; Yuji apologised, smiling, and tried to fix the hair situation by rearranging bangs on her forehead in some pretty way. Megumi and Maki just threw in a greeting before becoming silent observers of platonic love happening in an arm reach from them. Eventually, Yuta tugged her leg to ask if she’d like to split two pizzas together so they could get more flavours. Panda seemed to fall asleep peacefully and remained unbothered throughout the whole conversation.

Mai and Momo were already at the teacher’s table, sharing their thoughts about upcoming expedition with their teacher. Even Gojo ended up putting his phone down and actually starting to listen to them talk. Muta couldn’t help but feel left out. It seemed like the whole world around him kept spinning in circles, but he was the only one being trapped inside of a mental jail. Miwa laughed and her laugh sounded light and clear as day. Kokichi felt his lungs work in slow motion.

She is going to be a teacher. And you?

You will die

being

no one.

***

The night before their plan, after everyone overindulged in eating pizza and drinking soda together, students were located in their respective bedrooms, with Kyoto ones being placed into empty guest rooms on the first floor. Since he was the only boy in their team at the moment, he got his own place with no other soul around, and usually he would be over the moon with that rare second of solitude. Today something was different: maybe it was the weather, maybe the fact there was poring rain drumming against the glass of the window, maybe the first spring air getting to him despite everything in the world… Muta didn’t hesitate to reach for the doorknob. It seemed like he was rather eager to leave.

All the doors on the second floor looked the same. No nametags, no decorations, no extra-furniture – just same plain doors lined up in the hallway like trees next to the road. Kokichi remembered that the room he was searching for was right in front of the second window. He was glad that his memory saved him from trouble of knocking onto the wrong room. Without even trying to doublecheck – he knew he was right, there was no need to do so – Muta raised his hand in the air.

Knock-knock.

Silence that came right after was almost soul-crushing. It wasn’t in his plan, that Miwa wouldn’t open the door, so Kokichi found himself frozen in a hallway. Maybe, she fell asleep early in order to get ready for tomorrow? Maybe, she was too busy overthinking details of their mission over and over again? Or maybe, maybe, she figured out identity of her late night intruder and just didn’t want to see him. Muta didn’t know what to do.

Everything changed, when he caught onto some noise in the background. Kokichi instinctively looked to the side. It was coming from the stairs, that noise. There was quiet laugh and quick footsteps. Muta lost several precious moments stalling, trying to come up with a way out, but his brain just refused to cooperate. Realising that it was too late, he couldn’t figure out anything better than to just push a door in front of him, slipping inside of Kasumi’s room, and silently close it behind him.

Footsteps were getting closer and closer, until it became evident that people were passing by right in front of the room. Kokichi pressed his back into the door, suddenly feeling hot and heavy. Why was he so worried about being caught in Miwa’s room? Not like people didn’t notice what was happening since he came back to life. Maybe, it had something to do with a defence mask he felt the need to keep on while in Tokyo High?

He was hiding deep into his thoughts, rooming corridors and twisted turns of his own broken mind, until he heard the voice break into his body. People seemed to pass by, getting further away down the corridor, and Muta found the courage to crack the door open to take a quick glance. As soon as his eyes focused on a familiar face, he felt his whole body tense painfully.

Miwa was laughing together with Tokyo first-years. Nobara had a hand around her neck, guiding her towards someone else’s room, while Yuji was making circles around them like a hyperactive pink dog. Megumi followed them silently, and despite the lack of verbal involvement, his frame seemed as relaxed and comfortable as it could possibly be. Maki said something and everyone laughed together, everyone laughed as a team. Kokichi watched as Kasumi giggled, trying to catch Yuji’s hand, and almost tripped over Nobara’s legs. All three of them laughed happily, as Yuji was opening his door, letting everyone inside. Right before entering, Miwa took a quick look at the hall, and Muta shut the door just on time for her not to notice anything.

Surface behind his back suddenly started to feel cold. Muta placed a hand over his bandaged ribcage, feeling his heart beat twice as fast. Huh, he thought to himself, that’s fucking stupid.

That was fucking stupid, how mad and upset he felt out of nowhere. Miwa was happy here in Tokyo, she had friends, she was so much healthier than before… Kokichi should had been happy for her, especially after everything that happened during past several days. She was his girlfriend, she said she loved him – it wasn’t something light and easy, it wasn’t something forgettable either. He should had been happy for her, but there he was: in her room, in a dark, listening to his own heartbeat blending with pouring rain outside.

Ruled by some deep sticky fear, Muta picked himself up to his feet, stepping forward into the room. He had already been here in the afternoon, but it seemed like at night the place was changing into something completely different, something that somehow only deepened his pain. He took a step, another one, one more…

There were sticky notes all over the place: on closet doors, on the wall next to the bed, on top of the little mushroom-shaped bed light… They all were talking about small mundane things: remember to give Maki back her shirt, come over to Inumaki after dinner on Saturday, text mom and dad. Kokichi reached over and traced one of moonlight notes with Kasumi’s unmistakable writing on it.

“Call Muta”.

He chuckled, and the sound was silent, almost like it got stuck somehow in-between his lungs. There was one more quiet sound, something more similar to a sob, and then another one, and another. Without even realising it, Kokichi was down on the floor, tears streaming down his face like an unstoppable rain outside. He tried his best to get himself together, to stop this nonsense, to act like an adult. Muta tried, he really, really tried, but each time he took a breath there were only more tears to come.

He was sobbing on the floor of Miwa’s room, in front of her window and next to a mushroom looking bedlight, and there was nothing in the whole world that could had soothed his raw pain.

“I’m so tired,” he whispered to the moon. “I’m so, so tired. I don’t think I can do this anymore. I can’t. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t.”

Somehow, he hoped deeply for two opposite things: that no one would hear him cry and that someone would hear him. Kokichi put his head down, pressing his face into his knees. She will be a teacher. You will die being no one. She will be a teacher in Tokyo. You will die being no one in Kyoto. She will be everything great in the world. You will die being nothing.

Trying to get some air, Muta lifted his face up, and met face to face with a picture standing on her very bedside. It was a photo taken before the Culling Game, maybe on his second week being back. They were all sharing sofa back in Kyoto. Momo was saying something to Miwa with Mai sitting down on the floor next to her knees. Noritoshi was leaning on the back sofa with a book in his hands, Todo – visible lying down on the floor with an iced pack over his cheek (a training injury?) Kokichi saw himself on the side of the sofa, shoulder to shoulder next to Kasumi. If he looked long enough, he could remember the flattering feeling in his stomach from when her hand was accidently brushing against his. If he looked long enough, he could have pretended that time had stopped back there in Kyoto.

And never went on again.

Notes:

i'm jumping fandoms, so chapters can come out more rarely than usual. but they will come out!! hope you are having a great day and that the weather is nice whenever you are :>

Chapter 34

Summary:

CW: suicidal thoughts

“Do you hear me?”

“No.” Kokichi said. “Absolutely no.”

“Ha-ha, very funny.” Mai on the other side didn’t seem to laugh at all. “Should have asked for a shock-collar for you specifically. Feels like it would have been more profitable.”

Muta rubbed his eyes and decided not to say anything in return. After sneaking back into his own room, he didn’t get a single wink of sleep, so now constant buzzing in his headset drove him crazy full speed. No one else seemed to have the same problem, so Kokichi knew it was probably his own fault, therefore there was no good to be complaining. He didn’t tell anyone about his midnight breakdown. Even if he wanted to do so, he probably wouldn’t have found the words.

“Now I’m sad I left my tarot at school.” Momo sighed, stretching her legs over Miwa’s lap. “I feel like some people here would benefit from getting flipped off by the Universe.”

Kasumi chuckled silently, but still caught a shady look from Inumaki. “What? Maybe I am people.”

“Caviar.”

“Ouch, Toge, language!”

“More like an UberEats order—” Nishimiya jumped in place after Miwa pinched her sheens. “What? I didn’t say shit!”

All this friendly bickering usually got Muta into a nostalgic, warm mood. On every other day, he would be happy to be a silent participant in this platonic fake-fights, maybe even felt talkative enough to throw in something from his own heart. Usually, he wouldn’t be opposed to them. Usually, but not now. His head was buzzing with dull pain, constant beeping of his headset felt like someone hammering nails into his braincase, and voices in the background simply added to this cocktail of unfortunate events. Without thinking twice, he got up from his seat.

Their base was carefully placed on top of the building: not too high, not too low, it was a perfect spot for monitoring the situation without standing out like a sore thumb. The closest streets to Shibuya station had remained closed for a while now as a safety concern, so there was no civilians to begin with. That was a place for Tokyo “Attack” Group to navigate, and their mixed “Defense” team was simply awaiting for their time on a respective distance. It was nice to keep that distance for now – there was no good in scaring civilians outside of the closed zone, they had already had enough of struggles during last several months.

Kokichi leaned onto the safety railing of the roof with his whole bodyweight. Metal lining under his hands made a screeching noise, but stayed in place. What a shame. Muta tried his possible best, but there was nothing else in his brain apart of dull pain trailing like a blood markings left from dragging a lifeless body on cement pavement. Maybe, just maybe, if that railing gave up under his weight, it would do everyone a favor. There was no profit for jujutsu society in holding onto him anymore. He was nothing but a deadweight, nothing but an inconvenience, nothing but something that they should had left in the past for a long time already, nothing but something she should had left in the past already—

“What are you thinking about?”

Muta didn’t flinch. He knew Miwa would follow him here, she was never a person to leave someone she knew by themselves. It was something that Kasumi would have to fix eventually, Kokichi thought to himself. She couldn’t become a teacher while still holding onto deadweights. Sooner or later, she would realise it. Sooner or later, blood trail on the floor would finally stop.

“Nothing special.” Kokichi shrugged. “Didn’t sleep well yesterday.”

Miwa inched closer, pressing her shoulder into his lightly. “You could have texted me. I would have come.”

There was screaming inside his head, voice so loud it covered up annoying beeping of a headset for a quick second. I came to see you, it wailed, I came to see you and you weren’t there. Kokichi shut his eyes tight, feeling this voice echo from the walls of his braincase. He tried to silence it, but it came back every time twice as loud as before.

I came to see you, and you weren’t there.

“Didn’t want to bother you.” Muta whispered after a long needed pause.

Kasumi pressed her cheek into his shoulder carefully. “What a nonsense. You could never bother me.”

“For how long.” Kokichi chuckled quietly.

“What?”

He smiled, pushing harder onto the safety railing. It didn’t give up yet, but Muta had already done. “Nothing. Just thinking out loud.”

Every time Kokichi closed his eyes, there was no comfortable darkness to meet him anymore. Instead, he was faced with the same picture, with the same photo. Bedstand, night light shaped like a mushroom, a framed memory of Kyoto kids clinging to each other like their life depended on it. If he spent enough time with his eyes closed, he could forget that he was standing on the edge of Kyoto’s skyscraper. If he shut his eyelids especially tight, he could hear Miwa’s quiet laugh mixing with conversations back at home.

“You know, I have some inside information,” Kasumi started slowly, “that after we finish in Shibuya, they will give us a small vacation, like a week or something, to unwind before jumping back to study.” Her voice was steady and confident. Kokichi felt his hands grip metal railing so hard his knuckles turned white. “I was thinking about coming back to Kyoto for that time. We could all go somewhere to rest, maybe make a little trip as a class? I would love to spend some time with you before I sign my teacher contract.”

Muta didn’t know what to say. He kept his mouth shut, teeth grinding against each other. How could he say something? How could he tell the love of his life that he was not sure there would be a place for him in their class anymore? How could he tell her that each day there was less and less hope in his system, that he didn’t believe he would be able to get through another day like this? How could he tell her, that his worst nightmare was Miwa signing that cursed teacher contract and being stripped away from his fingers back to Tokyo?

There was so many thoughts in his head, and exactly none of them were allowed to get outside of it. He would never forgive himself if Kasumi turned down her teaching opportunity because of their relationship. He would never forgive himself if she lived a life full of regret because of his love. She would go forward, she would come back to Tokyo, become a teacher, and kids would love her with all their might, and her smile would become someone else’s favourite thing in the world, and months away from now, she wouldn’t be able to even recall his face. And it would be okay. And she would be okay. As to himself, as to Kokichi, it didn’t matter at all what he would end up as. As long as Miwa would be out there, living life she had always dreamed about, he would be okay. He would be okay, and she would be okay, and they would be okay hundreds of kilometers away from each other, and there would be no phone calls, no messages, nothing more.

Without even talking to anyone else about it, Kokichi Muta had already decided how it would go. He would leave jujutsu as he promised, and Miwa would stay in Tokyo. There was nothing that could change it. She was happier there anyway, what was the point of dragging her down with him?

“What do you think about it, Kokichi?” Kasumi placed her head on his shoulder.

Muta chuckled, not able to stop his lips from forming a terrified, shaky smile.

“It sounds amazing.”

***

A room full of beeping was getting on her nerves. Mai looked over the monitors once again. They were lucky to have a full team of staff members here, the ones who actually knew what was happening on all these diagrams and cameras, cause if Zenin had to deal with all of it herself… Well, safe to say no one would end up safe. She threw a quick glance at Megumi to find the exact amount of understanding on his face. That was great, she chuckled to herself, they both had little to no idea what was going on.

Since the operation had started around forty minutes ago, energy levels maintained a stable flow. There was no problems at “Attack” Group side – not a lot of curses had actually tried to leave the station, and the ones who did try were eliminated quite quickly. There were no worries applied to that part of the plan: Yuta constantly kept them updated with others adding onto his reports once in a while, and both them and staff members seemed pretty comfortable in this situation. “Defense” group was also safe, tucked away on a rooftop nearby, waiting for a distress signal if one would ever to come, so there was no need to worry about them too. Even more, Momo used her headset to complain about Inumaki when silence was trailing a little too long, and Mai was truly grateful for these unbothered moments of kind support. They all understood the importance of the mission, yet no one wanted to be the one saying it out loud.

Teachers didn’t give a lot of updates on their movements, it seemed after they got several floors deep, connection became shaky and unstable, probably due to blackout being so close. The only thing left for students and staff was just following their locations on a map. It didn’t help a lot, since they were mostly going around in circles under the station, but still somehow provided team with some level of security. As long as their beeping dots were traveling around the map, it meant everything was still going according to plan. Mai would had been grateful for some clarification though, but there was no way to get though blackout energy field. Upsetting.  

Megumi was stimming with a pen in his seat, rolling it around on the table and tapping on different surfaces to relieve his obvious stress. Usually, Zenin would get annoyed pretty quickly and throw something harsh in his direction – they weren’t friends, after all – but it was hard to be mad at anyone today. She understood perfectly that for him this mission was more personal than to anyone else. Utahime was Mai’s one and only teacher, mentor, boss at her new founded job, but for Megumi Gojo was more than everything else combined. Fushiguro was jumping in his seat every other second, reacting to every slight change on the monitors, because for him it was different. He would had never admitted it out loud, but Mai was too good at reading people to not notice. Megumi Fushiguro was scared to his death. It wasn’t just someone on the front-line of a blackout, no – leading the operation shoulder to shoulder with Utahime was Megumi’s father. And it haunted him to the bone.

“Utahime is a great partner in things like this.” Zenin dropped quietly. “He’s safe out there. He’s not even the only one special grade sorcerer out there, Yuki is also there. Mei-mei too, so…”

“It’s different.” Megumi answered. If she was completely honest, Zenin didn’t expect him to say anything in return, so when he actually did, she found herself turning towards him in her seat. “This blackout… It’s different. I worked on documents since I can’t do anything else anymore, I saw closed files about it. It’s a place of sealing, it has all this energy out there, it’s… it’s worse. And I am no help.”

Mai span her chair around. “Stop with this bullshit. If you are no help here, it means I am also no help here, and I'll take it as an offence. We may not be out there, but we are still useful.” She stopped her chair to meet Megumi face to face. “You’d die in seconds if you stepped on a field. You have no value when you’re dead.” 

“I’m not even sure I have some alive.” He chuckled, but it wasn’t a light-hearted joke or a regular self-deprecating thought said out loud. It was easy to catch that Fushiguro, despite still being one of the best students in Tokyo High, actually struggled to see his own worth outside of the battles he wasn’t allowed to participate in anymore.

They weren’t close. Mai didn’t even consider them to be friends, merely acquaintances stuck together in a room full of beeping monitors and sweating staff members. They were nothing more than students going to neighboring schools, but somehow Zenin couldn’t stop herself from speaking:

“When your sister wakes up, she’d prefer to see you alive.”  

Mai didn’t even know why she said it. It was an arrogant statement for someone not even close to being friends, and she wouldn’t be surprised if Megumi turned his chair 180° and started ignoring his work partner till the very end of the mission. But maybe Zenin was as arrogant as other people gave her credits for, and maybe she didn’t know how to mind her own business, and maybe she did see Maki’s shaking hands covered in her blood when she finally opened her eyes… They weren’t friends, but Mai still knew that no matter what, Tsumiki would prefer to see her brother alive.

Instead of breaking this silent bond that built itself up over past several sentences, Megumi suddenly smiled. It was a weak smile that almost went unnoticed, just a tiny move of his lips, but Mai still was able to catch it.

“I guess you’re right.” He whispered. “She would be pissed if I died after all this time.”

They hadn’t spoken much afterwards, but they did enjoy some time in silence that suddenly grew comfortable around their shoulders. Megumi was busy monitoring cursed energy output on one of the monitors, and Mai exchanged several quick messages with people as a check-up procedure. Everything seemed to be going smoothly. Over her headset, she heard Nobara joke that if curses were to keep that intensity, she would be able to run for a quick frappuccino and back since there was so little to do for all four of them together. Mai rolled her eyes, but deep inside she was happy everything was going so well.

Beeping noises of machines around them slowly stopped being annoying, blending into some type of a white noise. They were doing their regular monitoring, exchanging random phrases with other staff members or each other, and everything seemed to go according to plan. Mai caught herself zoning out a little while watching colorful dots blink on a screen. They didn’t have names there, but she knew that the red one was Utahime, and a blue one was Gojo. They were brushing edges on a map, moving deeper into the station, while green one – Yuki Tsukumo – and a purple one – Mei-Mei with her brother on her elbow – were circling in a distance from them. If the timing was right, they were supposed to proceed with blackout closing at that exact moment, unless they encountered any problems on the way. Zenin yawned slowly, looking at a red dot.

Blink-blink.

If there was still connection, what would Utahime-san said to them? Maybe, not to worry much, to take care about each other? She would totally check onto the “Attack” team, even though it consisted solely from Tokyo students.

Blink-blink.

When it ends, they all can go eat sushi together. They talked about it with Momo, how cool it would be to go shopping with everyone else. Surprisingly, both of them found themselves resenting their Tokyo colleagues less and less. It was like everything has changed after the war, like they weren’t competing that much anymore.

Blink-blink.

Maybe, she’d even get a chance to talk with Maki like normal people. Would it be less awkward if others were around too? Maybe, if they would be shopping, they could find a topic to discuss away from their family trauma? What did normal girls their age usually talk about? Make-up? Fashion? Not dying at sixteen at war?

Blink.

Momo was way better at all this “normal girl stuff”. They would find a lot to talk about with Nobara, Mai thought, they both seemed to be quite into putting together amazing outfits and had a lot of knowledge about the topic. After it all ends, Zenin needed to ask Nishimiya how to start a conversation like that, so maybe she could talk about some clothes with Maki and not make everyone in the room embarrassed for them.

Blink.

Blink.

Bli…

Mai felt her chest skip a beat. In a mere second, dots on the screen started to flash simultaneously, and then… went dark. The map in front of her eyes was empty. Writing it off on some technical problem, Zenin tapped the sensor screen several times. Nothing changed. She turned her head to Megumi only to found him staring in her eyes already. As soon as their gazes connected,

Everything went quiet.

There was silence in a room that a second ago was filled with constant machine beeping, and this silence injected more terror into their veins than any loud explosion could. Mai felt a timer in her head go off. Three. Two. One.

“Get down!” Megumi screamed. He launched forward and grabbed her shoulder to push her on the floor, under the table. “Everyone, get dow—”

Before Zenin could comprehend it, silence had changed once again. It sounded like the whole room got filled with an explosive substance. She felt cursed energy rush in so heavily, a metal plate inside of her forearm burned through her skin. Mai felt Megumi’s hand over her head, and the way the floor under her body seemed to tremble. The room filled with terrified screaming, while the windows shattered under another energy wave.

***

“Damn, if it goes this way I can go grab myself a frappuccino next door and come back with no problems.” Nobara threw her hammer in the air. It did three flips and fell back into her hand perfectly.

There was nothing to do for them at the moment. For the past almost an hour, they had exactly three low-level curses try to crawl out of the station, and it was in no way, shape or form a problem for four sorcerers to stop them from exiting. They didn’t even have to try that hard, mostly just enjoying working together after a long break of working in differently formed groups.

“What a friend you are!” Yuta chuckled. “Didn’t even propose to take some for us?”

Kugisaki threw her hammer in the air one more time. “Stop acting like you’d drink my shit. Last time you tried my regular order it took you two hours to stop spitting curses.”

“I like your regular order!” Yuji screamed out.

“I know, babe.” Nobara sighed. “You’ll absorb anything containing sugar like a sponge.”

Maki stood up from a place where she had been seated for the past ten minutes, and stretched her aching shoulders slowly. “Yeah, and both of you get overhyped by sugar and caffeine like toddlers.”

“Hey!” Nobara pouted jokingly. “You are my girlfriend, you should be on my side!”

Okkotsu laughed, catching Nobara’s hammer in the air instead of her. “Everyone is on your side till both of you idiots get stuck inside of a slide on a kids’ playground.”

Yuji protested quickly: “It was only one time!”

“Yeah, and one time is enough.”

They were bickering with each other since the very beginning of their mission, but there was nothing hurtful behind these words. It was a regular thing in their school life, this friendly platonic interactions that could most certainly send people unfamiliar with the phenomenon to write letters to their teachers because of “student conflict”. Everyone enjoyed that little Tokyo High tradition, and it in no way came in between their casual conversations about life and deep supportive talks. Luckily, these two things were made to coexist perfectly by Tokyo students. They must had gotten this ability from their teacher, since Satoru Gojo was in no way a typical one…

“Hey.” Maki called out. “I can’t sense the energy, but… there is something weird. It looks weird.”

“The entrance?” Yuta immediately turned himself into a work-mode, handing Nobara her hammer back. “Me and Rika can check.”

Kugisaki grabbed his sleeve out of nowhere. “Wait.”

“Wait?” Okkotsu frowned. “What…”

“There is an energy wall. It wasn’t here before.” Yuji whispered.

Nobara focused her eyes at the entrance. Energy on the stairs was weird – it seemed to tense, to thicken, building an invisible wall in a doorway. Even for people like Maki who couldn’t sense energy changes it was obvious that something went wrong. Energy wall in a doorway looked like it was shaking, circles spreading across its surface like waves on a water. They were consistent, like a heartbeat or someone’s rhythmic steps.

“I need to come closer…” Yuta tried to get his arm away from Nobara, but she was so focused on a shaking energy field, she didn’t seem eager to let him go. “Kugisaki—”

“Yuta.” She whispered. “Something approaches.”

Waves became more and more consistent. Students got together in a tight group. Heartbeat, someone’s steps… Someone’s steps?

“Back!” Yuta screamed. “Everyone, back!”

Yuji grabbed both Nobara and Maki, shoving them behind Okkotsu’s back just on time. Rika appeared in front of them in a form of a human – human? – shield, and her appearance went hand in hand with the ground shaking profusely under their feet. As soon as they felt the first wave struck the earth, they tightened grip on each other’s shoulders instinctively – right on time. Because together with the second wave, they felt cursed energy rush out of the underground entrance with enough strength to move them all several meters back.

With a screeching sound windows on all buildings surrounding them shattered, and pieces of glass rained down like waterdrops during a storm. Rika disappeared, opening a clear sight of the underground steps. For a moment, there was nothing but silence, but then the energy field moved again, and a creature put its foot forward, breaking the seal. The first one, the second, the third… One by one, they started to flood out of the station, angry with bloodlust. Curses rushed towards students so fast they started to trip over each other on the steps.

“They keep coming…” Yuji whispered.

Maki tapped her headset with two fingers. “Megumi? Mai? Do you hear me?” The ground shook once again, and Zenin stayed upwards only thanks to Nobara’s hand gripping her shoulder in order to keep her steady. “We need an emergency group. Something… something is not right. Mai? Do you hear me? Mai?”

There was buzzing in a headset with nothing else but noise. The ground shook again, this time followed with another powerful wave of cursed energy. It washed over the group, feeling like a light breeze, before it hit them full-speed, knocking everyone on the ground. They were scattered around like toys, and the last thing they saw before the ground shook one more time, was an endless trail of curses, that

kept

flowing

out.