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Living with demons had gotten at least a little easier. You still took one of the brothers with you when you wanted to go out, but it just felt more like going out with friends, as opposed to a chore and an imposition on whichever brother was accompanying you. Even Mammon hadn’t mentioned the word ‘babysitter’ in months.
What still was a problem was diet. You had made a case for getting vitamin supplements and had learned to avoid certain foods. Barbatos had even provided you with a Devildom version of an Epipen. Fortunately you’d never needed to use it but you also had been perhaps too cautious.
In the human world you didn’t have many allergies. You had never concerned yourself with too many dietary restrictions. Eating meat didn’t bother you. Your mother had kept chickens and you had had many breakfasts of eggs in every sort of way, nor had she barred you from eating sweets. You’d also had several good friends who subscribed to alternative diets over the years and had the odd meal at their house or at a restaurant of their choosing where you’d happily joined in on their particular choices, but now some of those things were on the regular, you were quickly starting to realize that avoiding protein - specifically meat - was starting to have side effects on your health.
Something about Devildom meats spooked you. Maybe it was the fact that they were often rather oddly coloured, or sounded like something out of a really crazy monster movie and you definitely didn’t want to accidentally eat…a unicorn or something.
Oh how that was about to become the least of your worries.
You frowned at the posted chore list, scanning for KP Duty and finding this evening’s roster to your satisfaction, went to track down the fourth born.
“Uh Satan, can I talk to you about cooking duty tonight?”
Of all the brothers Satan was the safest bet when it came to cooking. Mammon actually was the second (of all people) but cup ramen, for all that it was the same as it was in the human realm was not going to solve your current predicament.
Satan barely looked up from the book he was reading. “Oh, I traded with Belphegor.”
“It’s still you I want to talk to. You see, it’s just that humans need a balanced diet and I really need some kind of meat that’s safe..or, an alternative protein. Like some humans eat chickpeas or tree nuts or peanut butter. I was hoping you might be able to help.”
“Hey I got it.”
You jumped. Belphegor still wasn’t quite on your list of favourite people, even if you -against your better judgment- HAD been willing to give him a chance, but his ability to fall asleep in darkened corners and other odd places was still unnerving, particularly when he decided to join a conversation out of seemingly nowhere.
“Trust me. I will make you a human dinner.”
You WERE giving Belphegor a chance. Though he couldn’t possibly think that you wouldn’t have SOME trepidation given The Incident.
Right now he was blinking up at you with sleep-crusted, droopy-dog eyes.
Finally you gave a big sigh. “Very well. Thank you.”
***
All things considered, it seemed Belphie had been true to his word. The food on the plate in front of you looked wildly Human-Realm esque for where you were. There was some kind of mixed vegetables - all of which you knew were safe for you, a pile of mashed potatoes (they also were safe, apparently the only difference between these and human world potatoes was that they were neon purple) And finally a cut of meat. It looked very…normal. No spots. Nothing pulsating. No sauces that looked like someone had vomited up a can of paint all over it.
Maybe a pork chop?
Worry niggled at the back of your mind, but mending fences went both ways you supposed and you had brought up this as your problem. So, instead of questioning anything, you simply picked up your fork.
Belphie didn’t have Satan’s knack for seasoning for sure. The potatoes and vegetables were passably plain, but you finally had to try the meat. Everyone else seemed happy enough to tuck in but demon stomachs weren’t the same as human stomachs. And surely Satan would have said something by now if this wasn’t safe to consume.
So you cut in.
It actually did remind you of pork. Definitely SOME kind of Devildom animal because you would know immediately if you were really eating something from the human realm - but whatever it was was so close you could cry. Not to mention, it’d been so long since you had meat that you found yourself shielding your plate from Beel who had been eyeballing you ever since you’d been working around actually getting up the nerve to try the aforementioned meat.
“Well Belphie, gotta say I am kinda impressed. I ain’t had any ‘a this since Diavolo started the exchange program. Gotta say kinda impressed with ya too, MC.”
You blinked at the statement and looked up at Mammon who was giving you something of a curious, tilted head look, his eyes a bit wider than normal. You hadn’t REALLY eaten that much, had you? You wondered if Beel might have taken equal note but a glance simply told you the gluttony demon was in the process of attempting to lick the finish off the plates. “Well, I guess I did have seconds. Haven’t done that in awhile…uh, thank you, it was good.”
“Oh this is going to absolutely ruin my figure but I almost don’t care.” Asmo put in.
“If you only learned to season properly it would have been perfect.” Satan put voice to what you had been quietly thinking.
“It was a violation however.” Lucifer put in rather sternly, the comment seeming incredibly out of place with the general conversation, though he too seemed to be willing to say no more than that.
Belphegor smiled beatifically around the table. “Well I think the human enjoyed their human dinner.”
When Belphie got sugar sweet and without a trace of his usual lethargy, things were not good. The niggling worry was blossoming into a complete and utter sense of dread. “It wasn’t porkchops, was it?”
Belphegor’s proud smile left you with a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach.
“No honey.” Asmo shook his head. “Oh Belphie, you didn’t.”
The second you had put two and two together about Belphegor’s PRECICE choice of wording was the end of the night for your brain. You had faint memories of vomiting down Mammon’s back and a last final thought before passing out, of finding out from Barbatos and no one else what the Devildom version of peanut butter was, if it was safe for humans, if it was sentient and then subsisting on it for the rest of all time.
After all the drama being helped into bed by Mammon it did feel like once again, the score was: Belphie: 2, Human: 0
****
You sometimes found in the Devildom, especially after freeing Belphegor your dreams were always especially nice ones. Sometimes ones about elderly family members who were gone or fun times you’d had as a younger person. Sometimes just random calming thoughts or colours or music.
In your head this night, you were sat at the table once more from earlier that evening, but instead of the animated chatter of the brothers going on around you there was just a dull buzz while Belphegor looked up at you, wide eyed and alert.
“You loved it didn’t you?”
“Yes.” you admitted.