Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Notes:
Update: For those who have been reading this story from the beginning will remember that there was a character named Cody, I have since changed it to Aelius for story telling purposes. Thanks so much!
Chapter Text
I couldn’t breathe, no matter how much I heaved, air seemed to fly right past me. The broken lands seemed to only crumble more as I fled. His voice echoed in my brain, unrecognizable and yet unmistakable at the same time. The pounding of my feet matched my heart. Almost in rhythm with the voice that screamed at me.
“Run Rena! Run !” The word on repeat only seemed to amplify the terror that gripped at my limbs. Weighing me down and yet pushing me forward all the same. I couldn’t escape it, They were coming, He was coming for me and nothing I could do would stop it. And yet still here I am throwing myself forward in hopes to evade him, but I can feel his fingers just at the nape of my neck. Reach grasping, curling just around the sides of my throat, heat a raging fire is what awaited me–
"Verena! Are you ready?" The silky voice of my mother called down the hall.
I resisted the urge to jump at the sound of her echoey voice and instead put the hardback textbook down on the small desk that sat in front of me. With clammy hands I run my hands over the cover of the physics book I had been looking at. I was supposed to be reading it but there was no point now. I nodded but then quickly realized she couldn't see me,
"Yes mama, I'm ready!" I shouted back, I twisted my hands together waiting on a response from the woman in the other room instead all I heard was silence.
My hands itched in response as the pit in my stomach only grew. I couldn't stand the silence that stood in the hall between me and my mother it was quickly becoming heavy as I could feel the shift in the mood very quickly,
"Verena," Her voice cut swiftly through the silence.
I stood quickly and look myself in the mirror. I brushed the wrinkles out of my high waisted grey skirt. I suddenly hated the dark blue sweater that was slightly too big for me. I looked to the side of my desk at my closet. I shook my head, It's too late to change. I avert my gaze from the mirror entirely and instead made my way into the blinding white hallway with only two doors adding any color. The opening came closer to the living room.
My flats didn't make the clicking sound my mother's heels did when she made her way down this hallway and that eased my churning stomach a small bit. Deciding to do something other with my hands instead of entangling them with each other.
I bring them up to tighten the small ponytail that brought the front of my hair to the back and out of my face while the rest fell just below my shoulder blades. I truly hated my hair, well I truly hated a bunch of other things about myself but my hair possibly made the top of the list.
Its jet black appearance stood out especially in a faction full of blonde haired and blue or green eyed girls. I seemed to stick out like a sore thumb with black eyes. They reminded me of charcoal and one of my biggest insecurities; they especially stood against the tan skin I had acquired from my father, making me even more of an outcast.
Bringing my hands down to my front I try to peek around the corner just before the living room which also opened up to a kitchen on my left. My hands were clammy from nerves or fear it was inconclusive which one it was, or maybe it was both. From what little I could see no one stood in the organized living room,
"Verena," My hands stilled and I could feel my heart picking up pace in my chest.
I folded my hands and made my way out of the hallway. I looked into the kitchen to see her standing with a cup of coffee in her hand while she sat at the blindingly white marble table. In her hand was a small tablet that looked like a simple pane of glass, but instead was the latest Erudite electronic enhancement. I could see through the back and was able to make out the latest news published by Erudite leader, Jeanine Mathews.
She was new and the people seemed to like her. I had no stance on her and she was honestly the last thing on my mind since today was my aptitude test. Which is surely what my mother called me in here for since I was supposed to start heading to school here in maybe fifteen minutes.
She set down the device and instead focused her sharp gaze on me. Her eyes raked over my appearance as I stood stiffly awaiting her judgments or praises, though I was sure no apprise was to come. Her eyes were like the dark abyss of the sea, only the kind of blue an Erudite could have. Her thin eyebrows didn't help the situations I found myself in, just like this one. Her gaze met mine once again as she took a long sip from her white mug.
My gaze went to the mug. White, oh how I hate that color, painted everywhere in this house the blindingness of it. Maybe that's why I wasn't such a fan of Candor. White presentation of truth, where even the smallest of dust specks could be seen agist it. Maybe that's what my mother thought of me, a dust stain on her whitewash life. The small 'clink' of the cup against the table pulled me from my thoughts.
She moved a thin strand of hair from her face, her hair changed from a light blonde to a dark brown, I always found it funny. They say the eyes are the window to the soul but if you looked at my mother I could show you by her appearance just what type of woman she was. Her hair was one of those features, changing, though it wasn't a quick change it was more gradual. Unlike her mood swings.
"What a selfish child," I, again, refuse to flinch at the harsh words that slip from her thin lips.
Her hands curled around the still mug, like a snake. I could tell in the way her hands slithered around the item that she wasn't thinking of the mug in her hands. Her gaze was intimidating, to say the least, just staring at me waiting for a reaction.
"You would think that with how blessed you are to be in this family, along with this faction, you would learn to dress more appropriately."
I lowered my gaze to my feet, I learned that this was a sign of submission to predators in terms of showing who was in charge.
She just clicked her teeth, I took this as a sign and raised my gaze again only to see her start to stand. The nerves in my stomach make a strong appearance again as I watch her make her way around the table. She sent her mug in the sink not breaking her hawk-like gaze from my figure.
She made her way in front of me while I kept my gaze ahead, staring into her blue blazer and the white button-up under it. She also wore a grey pencil skirt like mine except hers was much longer going all the way to her knees.
She raised her hand and grabbed the sides of my cheeks with it lifting my chin to look her dead in the eye. In this moment I cursed her heels and the height difference it made between us. I held completely still as I watched those thin lips that constantly snarled at me formed a tight-lipped smile while she tightened her grip on my face.
"Sweetheart-" She drawled out slowly, staring down at me,
"You come from a long line of Erudites, do not screw this up," Her nails dug increasingly deeper into my skin,
"Okay?" I did the best I could to nod with he vice-like grip.
She let go of my face with a menacing smile and headed towards the door. She opened it up and gestured for me to make my way out. I still needed my school bag but made the decision to leave without it. Today was testing, I'm sure none of the teachers actually cared about teaching us last minute things anyway.
I made my way out the door and down the paved side way onto the street which held no sidewalk. The buildings I passed reminded me of an almost Candor type living. The buildings, though ranged in different heights, were white or blue. Our side of the faction held more ranged types of living but you could always see the intelligence that the buildings held when they were built.
Dark shades of blue scuttled around the streets of Erudite talk of Jeanine, the new technology, or a scientific discovery filled the air as people collaborated together. It was unsettling to me, I mean sure my brain worked the same as everybody else in this faction but only because it had to.
In the world of blue I felt like a black sheep, I only excelled because I was forced to. I felt robotic, forced to follow a protocol because it was expected of me.
The closer I got to the middle of all the factions the more I was finally seeing other shades of orange, white, blue, and grey. Chatter was still in the air but you could feel the nerves that filled the air. I could tell which of us were testing today, most were chattering none stop others played with their hands or used them often while they talked and then some were completely on autopilot.
I was probably one of the ones on autopilot, maybe it was the Erudite in me but I couldn't help but observe the others around me.
The color around me started to group and the big looming grey building came into view reminding me of who ran us. Abnegation, selflessly serving, their Moto not ours.
I could never fit into Abnegation, their plain grey and Meek attitudes irked me. Had the rest of the factions run like abnegation we would never get anywhere, but I guess that can be said of every faction.
I fell in line with the rest of my faction waiting to get into the building. I recognized four of the five factions. The big empty space the cut between Abnegation and my faction seemed quite large. Of course it was only Dauntless who was missing.
The brave and fearless, I knew how most Erudite felt about Dauntless, and Candor did nothing to hide their distaste or admiration for them. Abnegation saw them as nothing but protectors, though there were rumors that Marcus, the government Leader, held a very big distaste for the faction. Though it was just a rumor.
I broke my gaze away from the Dauntless symbol built into the building above us, which my eyes had traveled to. The train tracks could be heard rumbling from behind us as the presumed faction made its way past. I watched the incoming vehicle, a pit of excitement burning in the bottom of my stomach.
One by one Dauntless kids jumped off the train, rolling to break their fall and jumping right back into their feet to sprint our way. I watched as an abundance of different colors flew past us and into their own chaotic line. To think, I thought it was loud when we were all talking.
The Dauntless kids cheered, laughed, pulled and pushed each other. It seemed fun. I admired from afar but tore my gaze away as our lines started moving and noticed my peers grimacing at the recklessness of the other faction.
I mentally shrunk back and followed behind the rest of my faction. I kept my gaze forward and crossed my hands behind my back playing with the ends of my sleeves. I refused to look back at Dauntless as we made our way inside.
One by one and even some in groups started splitting up, making our ways towards different class rooms where our assigned groups were to be tested. I stopped walking, searching for a classroom I vaguely remember from my school bag.
I remember I was one of the last of the groups to go. I vaguely remember that it was to the right. Sighing I start in that direction, for an Erudite I couldn't remember a simple classroom. I searched, trying not to look lost as people went back and forth past me.
Apparently my attempts in looking not as lost as I felt failed because a tall lanky Abnegation boy approached me. I wanted to turn around and walk away when his shy smile met my eyes.
He broke away from the line headed the way I came from and stopped in front of me. I eyed him warily, once I made it back to his eyes his smile faltered just slightly.
He looked just as an Abnegation would, tall I would estimate about 6'1 and lanky. He wore a light looking grey jacket over a grey shirt and some grey pants.
The only color on him seemed to be his brown curly hair and hazel eyes. Compared to me he seemed like a rain cloud standing in front of rain.
"Hi!, I'm Aelius," he introduced himself to me sticking his hand out slightly between us.
I glanced down at his hand and quickly looked back up to his eyes. He retracted his hand but still held a smile. I kept my hands behind me, and he brought one to his neck rubbing it in a bashful way.
"It seemed like you were lost, I thought maybe I could help you out," he said giving me a closed eyed smile.
I nodded warily while hot embarrassment courses through my veins. Abnegation were known as the stiffs around the factions and for an Erudite to be needing help didn't look the best.
"Well do you have your school-" he stopped mid sentence as he scanned my person and realized I didn't have my bag.
"Well do you know where you were placed in based on time wise?"
"One of the last five groups," I said curtly.
"Oh okay!" His face lit up, "Well you're in the right hall, what's your last name?"
I looked at him skeptically but knew he was the only source of help that I would get at this point.
"Miller,"
His face again lit up but this time it was recognition, he pointed down the hall where was once an abundance of kids now only a few roamed the halls in search of their destination.
"You're going to want to go down the rest of this hall and it's the second to last door on the left," I looked down to where he was pointing and got a vague image of it. The boy chuckled and I looked at him quizzically.
"I should know," he looked down his ears becoming red quickly. "I went in there thinking it was my room,"
I didn't give him a response and just stared at him, he apparently didn't get the hint because he just continued talking and pointed behind me.
"I'm actually this door here behind your right," I glanced behind me and found a grey metal door, just like the rest.
I still didn't say anything when finally he moved out of my way walking backwards towards the door. I finally set of towards my own destination when he decided to speak up again,
"Well Miller, it was nice getting to know you, hopefully you're test goes well," I, again, glance back to see him giving me that cheeky smile before averting my gaze.
That boy was either an idiot or brave and I'm thinking it's the former . Hopefully, I'll never run into him again, having to deal with sociable people was not my cup of, anything really.
Finally making it to my door, I push it open and see three tables in a arch towards the middle of the room. They all faced the front of the room which I was now part of.
The farthest one away from me held two Dauntless and three Candor. The table in the middle held four Amity's and an Abnegation. Finally the one closest to me had two more Abnegation and two other Erudite's. The only seat open was the one next to the previously mentioned Erudite.
I made my way out of the door and headed towards the table. I sat down towards the edge of the seat placing my hands in my lap and messing with the sleeves absentmindedly.
While I examined the oh so interesting tables while those around me talked quietly. The tables were made of metal; though they looked polished you could see where the burnt, what I could only assume is scrap metal from the war, together. The bench we all sat on connected to the table from underneath due to the middle coming outwards and stabling our seats.
I rolled my eyes at how Erudite I sounded, examining the tables how pathetic.
"Do they have to be that loud," I turned to my right to see the girl next to me, who held long brown hair and round glasses.
She turned to me but gestured to the Dauntless kids; who looked like they were scaring the Amity.
I realized that no adult had walked in yet and the Dauntless kids were getting restless causing them to grow quite rowdy. I wanted to grin and partly join in but kept my place watching in secret amusement.
"Well there isn't much to do when we don't have anyone telling us what we can and cannot do," I said shrugging still watching the the two Dauntless boys.
"It's agitating to say the least," the boy on the other side of the girl next to me said.
His hair was blond and fluffy on the top but had a faded cut down towards the bottom. His eyes were hazel
He leaned his clad blue arms in the table blocking my view from the oblivious two Dauntless we were talking about. He turned to me as well now scrunching his blocky eyebrows,
"You look familiar, what's your name?" He asked scanning me, trying to recognize where he may know me from.
I don't get a chance to answer, even if I wanted to, when the girl next to me scoffs are the boy.
"Are you kidding me? She looks just like her Mother Adam," she points towards me face and waved her finger up and down. "Sophie Miller," she said in a 'duh' tone.
The boys face morphs into recognition then quickly into embarrassment, he nods but turns his head forward, probably to hide his reddening cheeks.
I felt a painful jab to my gut at her words, do I really look like my Mother? I suddenly became painfully self-conscious and twisted my hands together. I turned my body even more and kept my gaze glued to the table now, only glancing back at the girl next to me who ragged on the boy more now for not knowing who I was.
From the way she talked you would've thought she was Candor; not holding anything back seemed to me she didn't have a filter.
"Hey I'm sorry for not knowing who you were, shows you just how Erudite I am," the boy says chuckling.
I peer at him from the side of my eye and untangle my hands from under the table and wave him off,
"It's fine, I'm not the one working with Jeanine," I responded.
Honestly I hated the fact that her and my father did. Once my parents started working with our Leader it put a lot of weight on me, a weight I knew I couldn't bare.
"Are you kidding?!-" he leaned more towards me excitement radiating off his person, "-With the stuff your parents are doing and what they must be teaching you! Soon enough you'll be working with Jeanine!"
He gestured towards himself and the girl next to him, "everyone in Erudite knows it". The girl nodded in agreement,
"Well I'm Adam and this is Mina," he gestured towards himself then the girl, who I now know as Mina.
I, again, just nodded but they kept quite and looked at me expectantly, oh they don't know my name. I glanced back down at the table, I don't exactly know if I want them knowing who I am. Their silence weighed heavy when I finally decided to speak up,
"I'm Verena," the boy's eyes widened then nodded his head quickly.
What...? His response to my name put me off a little. To be honest the entire conversation was a little off putting, but then again I didn't like being praised for being my parents daughter.
Just as the boy looked like he was going to speak again a firm voice cut him off,
"Excuse me children," I looked towards the front of the room.
Standing was an older looking Abnegation lady. She stood in front of all of us with her hands folded in front of her. She cleared her throat,
"As you're all aware you're the next group for the Aptitude test, this will plan the next step in your life".
Chapter 2: Chapter 2
Summary:
It's time for the Aptitude test, It goes a little too well.
Notes:
Second chapter, has not been edited but honestly so ready to get onto the meat of these chpaters.
Update: Cody=Aelius
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Quiet, everything stilled as if frozen in time, except we were moving, but even our footsteps could barely be heard. I guess the talk before this really put a lot on our shoulders. Not that a lot hadn't already been there, I guess the rest just noticed how extreme this test really is.
We all walked in a line down a dimly lit hallway, all of us stuck in our own heads. I last in the line with Adam just a few feet ahead of me. I focused on his feet but I could feel his gaze on me every now and then.
Ever since the waiting room he seems to have some strange interest in me. My stomach churned at the thought, it's probably because I could get him close to our leader. The sad truth is I probably had as much of a chance to meet her as he did, not that I even wanted to.
One by one footsteps stop, looking up I notice five doors coming closer with the two Dauntless already in front of the farthest doors down. No sooner am I in front of the last door, all of us take one last look at each other. Adam gives me and thumbs up with a big smile, I just give him am unsure nod and turn back towards my door.
Twisting it I let myself in, unlike the hallway this room was bright, almost no dark spots to be found. The wall next to me held mirrors while the rest of the room was plain white.
I made my way towards the chair in the middle, a Dauntless man had his back turned to me. I slide myself into the chair when he speaks up his back still turned,
"I'm Rory, I'll be administering your test today," he said in a monotone voice. Probably tired of having to repeat the same line all day.
He had a bleached buzz cut which popped against his dark skin, turning around he held out a small glass. It held a blue liquid, which I assumed to be the testing serum. I grabbed it and didn't give myself time to think about it before throwing back the glass and setting it on the metal table next to me.
I looked back up to ask him how long it would take only to see he wasn't there anymore. Confused, I got up and did a 360, only to be met with mirrors on every side. The chair had gone and all I was left with were the mirrors. This isn't right, walking up I come face to face with my reflection, It reflected back what I already knew. Black hair, curtain bangs hiding tan skin and the dark abyss of my eyes. Nothing seemed to change with my appearance, I still wore the too big cardigan, white button up and gray pleated skirt. However when I locked eyes with myself it was unnerving. I turn on my heel only to be met with another reflection again I go to turn when it speaks up.
"Don't act like you don't know,"
I was suddenly nauseous, the girl in the mirror who looked and sounded like me but wasn’t was now grinning. A sneaky and malicious smile with her arms crossed. Confused and shocked, I pull my fist back and throw it at the glass on instinct. The impact felt miniscule, a light shock through my arm at best but non the less the glass shattered, falling to the floor in an array of light. Retracting my hand despite not feeling much, my fist seemed to be damaged far more than I could anticipate as blood coated and flowed from the injuries. Crimson started to drip down onto the broken shards that lay on the floor. Backing away slowly I turn as the hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention,
"Too cowardly to face the truth?" Another one of my reflections mocked. Though she looked reflected a much more put together version of myself, no cut fists, and trembling hands. Again I threw my fist forward, this time letting the other hand take the damage, shattering that mirror as well. More blood spattered against this mirror when I heard myself again this time to my left,
"Come on, aren't you supposed to be Erudite?!" She cackled at me.
I slammed both fists into the mirror, now maiming both hands. I heaved in confusion and anger, the growing heat in my chest felt like it would light me ablaze at any moment. I had no idea what they were talking about, and the taunting didn’t help. The mirrors seemed to reappear shinier than ever with a reflection of myself in each of them. As I stared off into them and mantra had made itself known, break them, break them, break them.
"Oh wait, that's right you aren't!" a loud screech, this time she didn’t even sound like me. Whipping around again, I repeatedly slammed both fists into the mirror. The pain not even registering in my hands as I went around and smashed every taunting reflection. My voice just became one big blur, the urge to vomit sat in the pit of my stomach and a knot lodged its way in my throat. I was becoming exhausted as the cycle just repeated and repeated until I stood in the middle of broken frames, blood, and shattered pieces of what used to be me. Finally, all I could hear was my ragged breathing as I tried desperately to catch my breath. My bloodied hands rested against the finally broken mirror. I stared at the shattered reflection noticing two pillars standing tall behind me. A way out.
Turning around, all the shattered windows were gone and only two pillars, one holding a steak, the other a knife. Instinctively I grabbed the knife and hid it in the sleeve of my sweater. The coolness of the blade made me flinch, I felt hotter than I'd ever before and the temperature change startled me. No sooner did I slip the blade in my sweater did barking erupt all around me. Fear seemed to grab a hold of my throat, I flinched and searched the room. Everything stood the same, nothing different except for the tall black Doberman now racing towards me, canines bared. I was stuck, not a cell in my body seemed to want to move and I was unsure if I would be able to make them. My instincts helped as my hand gravitated towards my sleeve. I touched the blade under my sweater but made no move to get it out. Closer and closer the dog got the more and more I became unsure. Before I could decide the huge canine lunged at me, eyes trained for my throat.
Panicked, I stumble to the side and shove my hand across its muzzle, throwing it to the opposite side of my body. It lands on the floor with a thud but that doesn't stop it from getting back up again. Defensively, it leans back on its haunches, ears, and lips drawn back bearing its teeth again. This time I open up my hands getting ready for another attack. I could feel my heartbeat in my throat, scared that this, whatever this was, would be my undoing. I couldn't not face what stood in front of me, I could feel it; there was no way out except for this stupid freaking dog. I couldn't help the annoyance that crept up from the back of my mind, but the fear overtook and was even more prominent. Finally, the dog lunged at me again, instead of moving this time I stood my ground. I swung my hand up under its mouth and shoved it upwards, effectively shoving its mouth closed. Then I brought my other hand and shoved it against its ribcage, throwing it over my head. The dog landed with a gut-wrenching whimper but I paid that no mind as I turned around and raced over to it while it still lay on the ground.
Wrapping my hand around its muzzle keeping its jaws shut and as I also kneeled on its body. not enough to harm it but just enough to immobilize any further attack. Its eyes landed on me as it tried to writhe its way out of my grip but I held firm,
"Shh, shh, shh, it's okay," I soothed trying to get it to calm down. It still fought against me for a couple of minutes while I tried to calm it down until it wore itself out, huffing and laying still. I held my grip there just a small-time longer before letting the animal go. It whined and glanced at me before scrambling back and sitting up. I held my palms up but felt the weight of the blade still in my sleeve. it slipped down my sleeve but the dog didn't seem to notice. As it sniffed my hands I heard a voice behind me,
"Is it okay...?" asked a small voice, I turned around only to see a younger-looking me. She hugged herself but a small look of fear and admiration adorned her features.
She wore our dark black hair down, straightened in almost a rigged way. She also wore a light blue dress with a black bow coming around her stomach and almost the same identical flats as mine. She's wearing the same outfit as that day.
I almost nodded in daze, when a low growl erupted from the dog. Before I could turn around and stop it the dog took off in front of me. The little girl held a panic-stricken look but didn't make any move to run. I shot up off the ground and chased after the dog, I reached into my sleeve and grabbed the cool metal. I ripped it from my sleeve, cutting my palm in the process. I refused to focus on it as I got closer and closer to the dog. At the same time, we both got closer to me.
The little girls' eyes flickered to me but she still didn't move, every part of me wanted to scream at her to move, to run, to do anything. Frustrated and panicked, I leapt. All of my muscles aching and cramped I reached as far as my arms would let me and wound my left arm around its throat and yanked us both to the side away from younger me and onto the floor. It fought against me on the floor as I pulled the blade into the air. Unaware that my arm loosened, the dog head-butted against my chest and latched onto my forearm.
I screamed in agony and plunged the knife into its chest. This time it was the dogs turn to howl as it died still writhing against me. I yanked my arm out from underneath it and scrambled away holding my bloodied arm up to my chest. I watched as the dog stopped moving. It twitched a writhed, whimpering. When suddenly it morphed, shadows cast upon it twisting its image. Then suddenly I was somewhere different. It was dark here, darker than the room before it. The body of the dog was now longer, it had limbs, hands, and a head. I couldn’t tell who the face belonged to as it was turned away. A heaviness found its way into my chest, into my arms, my hands. Glancing down there it was a gun, it wasn’t much bigger than my own hands– blood. My hands shook. Dropping the gun, my hands, too unsteady now. When did blood get on my hands? Why was there so much, where did it come from? Bile made itself known in my throat. Vomit, I needed to vomit. It was sticky, warm, and thick. It made my fingers stick together. Heaving I flung my hands outwards. Off, get it off. Please, god get it off. The sharp quick motions were suddenly stopped by a large hand. A large man in front of me, rips my attention towards him.
“Finish it.” The command is clear, but I am unsure of what he means. When the gun is in my hands again. He handed me the gun, I searched his face, nothing. There is nothing, no expression, no clue, no facial features at all. And yet, where his eyes are supposed to be, stare directly into mine. The tightness in my wrist disappears as he circles me.
There standing before me another figure. Faceless just like the one behind me. In an amalgamation of sounds and garbled words I know it is begging for its life, and yet it is not moving just a still seemingly lifeless person.
“Do it, end it all,”
The man whispered behind me. The coolness of his hand rakes through me as his hand follows my arm. When had it raised to the person's head? The man seemed to steady my hand, another warped sound seemed to come from this person but not before a gunshot rang out. Reverberating through my bones, watching in sick curiosity as it seemed to slump to the floor. Before the violent heaving pulled me forward.
Gasping, I shot up searching the room as bright lights invaded my vision.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," The person holding my shoulder just grabbed my shoulders tighter as I trailed off in apologises. I held on tightly to my once injured arm as everything came into focus. I realized it was the testing room I had entered. Everything, the same.
The mirrors I had once previously smashed in were fine and the table and computer were right next to me. I looked down to my arm which I still had tightly gripped in my other hand. I looked it over, and nothing, no It was fine, no bite mark on my hands, the same. There was also no gun, no mystery person, just Rory and I. The test, this is all it was, just a test. I heaved a sigh of relief tucking my hair behind my ears before pressing the palms of my hands against my eyes. it was just a test, it was just a test, it was just a test, a repeating mantra on loop in my head. I tried to calm my still racing heartbeat when I finally decided to get the answer I've been so dreadfully waiting for. I rested my hands in my lap and turned my head to the side awaiting the result. A few seconds passed and Rory, my instructor, still had yet to say anything. I continued to watch, his eyebrows furrowed and he typed a few things in before turning to me. He searched my person before clearing his throat,
"Congratulations, you got Dauntless," He stuck his hand out for me to grab.
Dauntless...
Grabbing his hand he helped me off the chair, he didn't let go as he led me to the front door. I appreciated the gesture as my legs felt as if they were to slip out from under me and any second. The door approached closer and closer despite me willing it away. I got the brave Faction, the fearless, strong. Then why did I feel so afraid to go out this door? A million thoughts swirled around my head, I wanted to vomit but forced myself to hold the bile down, but my still stomach churned. I couldn't seem to get myself to move or even leave past this door. Once I left this room I had to make the choice, I had to face reality.
"Hey," Rory squeezed my hand.
I couldn't do it, I can't face everyone, not yet. I glanced behind me and saw a back door, almost identical to the front. Shaking my head I tugged on his hand,
"Would it be okay if I went out the back door?" My voice was just above a whisper.
He looked skeptical but I squeezed his hand one more time,
"Please," I pleaded. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck,
"You know this could look really suspicious," I could tell he was still wary so I hung my head low and said,
"I know that I'm Dauntless but how can I face them now? Please I just need more time, just a little bit more time," I finally let go a little and my limbs started to quiver and shake. Another sigh left him as he stepped around me.
He tugged my hand as we left the front door and started for the back. My limbs stopped shaking and I lifted my head up, though I still hated the fact that I had to face my future. Now I was more at ease knowing I wouldn't have to face as many people this way.
"Okay well I hope to see you tomorrow at the choosing ceremony," Rory said, squeezing my hand again as he opened the back door.
I nodded, though I was still unsure myself. Would I really leave my faction, no the real question was could I. I walked through the door and into the darkened alleyway still contemplating my choices. I had been so accustomed to Erudite could I actually be brave? I doubt it, though the test said otherwise. Now it was just a fact, I definitely don't belong, the test had also told me that much. I also didn't have to go to either faction. I could defect to Candor, the hopeful thought was quickly squashed. The truth was, by the looks of it now, not something that came easy to me. Then there was Amity, if I'm being honest, ‘ha’ the irony behind that. I could only pretend to care about others that much. But I guess the peace serum would help. Then lastly was, dare I say Abnegation. Even the thought made my gut twist with disgust and fear. Disgust because all I had known growing up was the lies and secrecy the faction held. Fear because even if they thought I would defect to their rival faction I would be dead.
The sound of coughing and hacking brought me back to a foul stench. Confused, I rubbed my hands over my face. Have I really been that out of it? I glanced around, I stood just 50 feet from the end of the alley but the sun stood high in the sky striking down. Gagging again echoed through the alley, just feet in front of me was a hunched figure. A familiar hunched over figure, in his all gray uniform. His face half in a garbage can with both hands on the side of it, but from the way his hair frizzed I could only assume it was that boy from earlier. I continued forward unsure whether I should see if he was okay or walk by quickly hoping his face was still glued to the trash. Unfortunately, I didn't get the final say because he shot upward searching frantically from side to side when his eyes met mine. Not to my surprise, it was the boy from earlier. He still searched me warily as I approached but tried to play it off as I stopped a few feet away from him.
"Verena, right?" He gave an awkward chuckle and rubbed the back of his neck, still looking pale and with watering eyes.
"Yes, that is my name. I apologize but yours is," I trailed off blanking on his name. I knew it started with a C or maybe O it was kind of like a fish name,
"Aelius,"
Ohhh Aelius, right. I nodded mentally storing that information for later. I pointed at the trash can trying to shift the conversation,
"So, test not go so well?" I didn't want to pry but he seemed to be throwing up lunch from last week. He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck and nodded,
"I have a weak stomach so the testing serum and the test itself scared me enough to get sick, unfortunately."
Sick? I get being nervous enough to get sick from a result you didn't expect. I mean it was me just minutes ago. Though I've never heard of the serum making people sick. If there was, Erudite would have a record about it. Probably tried to find a solution or at least warn those of us taking the test. The longer we stood in silence the more Aelius started looking paler and paler. Then it clicked, the hair on the back of my neck started to prickle, I stumbled back a bit, searching his person.
"You're going to be sick again aren't you," I asked, grossed out and ready to avert my eyes. He seemed to relax a bit and pried his hands from the trash can,
"No, no I'm okay," he took a deep breath while running a hand through his hair making it puff more. I rocked on the back of my heels still unsure but ready to get out of his company,
"We'll we should be headed back now," I was hoping he'd get the point. He froze hand still in hair but blew out a puff of air and motioned with his hand for me to follow,
"Oh, yeah. I guess we should be getting back, Erudite is across the bridges isn't it?" He started walking off, I didn't want to follow but I knew I had to get home before my parents did. I crossed my arms and quickly shuffled up next to him,
"Aren't all the factions?" I answered his question with my own.
"Well yeah," he said sheepishly, "but Candor, Erudite and Abnegation are all closer together than Dauntless and Amity."
I glanced at him questioningly, unaware of how he knew just how close we were. I shrugged it off, then again we did have to walk here so he could probably just guess that.
"Well I don't know what your definition of close is but I guess you could say we were relatively-" I uncrossed my arms and motioned quotation marks, "-close". I crossed my arms again and we walked towards the bridge in an uncomfortable silence. Still unsure of what just happened and my test results I really wasn't in the mood for small talk and it seemed neither was Aelius.
Notes:
Kudos, comments, and until next time
Chapter 3: Chapter 3
Summary:
Ren is trying to survive in an environment she has had to hide in for years, what's one more day?
Notes:
Here we go again, my girl ren is really going to really need to learn some self-defense, wonder when that will happen.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Just what was I thinking! Talking to an Abnegation boy, how stupid! I paced around my empty living room panicking. I may have exited through the back but that doesn't cancel out the fact that I had to walk through the plaza. I should've just gone through the front of the testing hall! So many people must have seen me, if this gets back to my parents they'll think something is up for sure! I didn't even realize it at the time so terrified of my test results that when Aelius started to talk to me I just appreciated the distraction. So much is riding on me staying in Erudite, if my parents found out anything different who knows what would happen.
A small clock sounded through the empty house. I froze midway in the living room, the doorknob seemed to move slower than time itself. The will to run was strong but I couldn't get my legs to move, I couldn't move anything. Even my throat seemed to betray me, breathing became difficult and my mouth felt like it had been shoved with cotton. After what seemed like a millennium, in walked my mother clad in blue. Her eyes found me immediately. She looked no different than this morning, everything about her stayed in a perfect state. No wrinkles, no lint, no hair out of place.
A cold bead of sweat made its way down my neck as she sent me a small smile making her way into the house. With calm and calculated steps she placed her belongings on the couch. I still couldn't move as she passed me, meticulously messing with her bag. A scare tactic. Nothing had been said yet but my mothers gaze held a dark look, she knows. I felt like a mouse in a maze, except there wasn't an exit. She made her way slowly around to my back. She was watching me, stalking me, seeing if I would break. No, she knew how to break me, the real question was in which way would she do it.
"Look at you sweetheart," she cooed in what most would think was a maternal way.I knew better, my mother was a hands on type of woman, she had chosen her choice of blade. She placed her newly manicured hands on my shoulders, I tensed almost immediately and bowed my head.
"So beautiful, and awfully intelligent," her hands tightened on my shoulders. Her claws, now digging into my skin through my sweater. "So tell me, darling ," Deeper her claws went. "Just what were you doing with an Abnegation boy?"
I bit the inside of my cheek trying to distribute the pain. What was I supposed to say, that I had practically snuck out because my test results were anything but Erudite. She would know if I was lying so how do I get myself out of that one?
"I," I snuck in a breath when I felt one of her nails break skin, "I was telling him about Erudite, he told me his test results were Erudite and wanted to know if he should defect," I spit out.
I felt something cool travel down my arm, and could only assume what it was. Her claws stayed put as she asked in a steely tone,
"And just what were your results, dear ?"
I knew I had to lie or else this will end worse then where it seems to be headed now.
"Erudite," I answered in a small voice. The word made my stomach churn, what if I actually had gotten Erudite, would I stay, am I going to stay? Her claws unclenched from my shoulders, more liquid ran down my arm. I glanced at my sleeve only to see stains of red leading downward.
Before I could get a better look my face was jerked upwards. Claws now latched into the sides of my face. The sides of my eyes burned with unshed tears threatening to fall. I fought the urge to vomit as I stared into my mothers scornful gaze. She searched my squished face before giving me a tight lipped smile,
"You see, sweetheart, I would take you at your word but we're not Candor. Are we?" She tilted her head in a mocking fashion.
"No," I answered in a muffled tone.
"That's right," with her other hand she gave me a small pat on the head like you would a dog. She was taunting me and I knew it. She held the reins here and I was completely and utterly under her paw. She knew any backlash would mean I was hiding something, and if I was hiding something I'm sure she would find a way to make me talk.
"Hm, we'll be more sure of your results tonight," she let go of my face and instead caressed the left side of my face almost lovingly, almost.
"What's happening tonight?" I asked, nerves firing.
"Oh well, you know Jeanine is good friends with your father and I so we just asked a little favor of her." She said tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I weighed my options and decide to take the bait,
"May I ask what the favor is?" I whispered afraid, her hand stilled on my cheek once more.
The mother I stared at now wasn't the one who had walked in the door moments ago. It was like a curtain had fallen over her face, we were at intermission now, I could see it.
"Why of course sweetling, that's what you were born to do,"
Yeah only when it's not questioning you,
"You see, Jeanine sees the testing candidates' results. We just asked if there was anything abnormal with your test, she would contact us."
A part of me wondered had she just punched me in the gut, maybe then I would have a reason as to why I suddenly couldn't breathe. I willed myself to not sway on my feet as she continued talking. It was hard when suddenly there were two of her and tiny silver fish swimming across my vision. I could hardly hear a word she was spouting out as I tried to just focus on staring out in front of me. A had gotten Dauntless, she was going to find out, even if I wanted to now I couldn't even leave Erudite if I wanted-
SMACK! The sound of skin hitting skin resonates throughout the room and now I'm no longer facing my mother but the blue shag carpet that I thought was once under my feet. There was a slight ringing in my ears as I tried to grasp my surroundings. The right side of my face burned and there were now definitely tears in my eyes because looking back up at her it was blurred but even then I knew she was upset.
"Haven't I taught you to pay attention when I speak," She scolded.
I only nodded unsure if words could make it through the huge lump that was currently lodged in my throat. She just scoffed and turned away from me and headed towards the hallway. I tried to stand knowing she was headed for the study. My legs were shaky but I eventually made my way into my feet as the study door closed shut. Thank god, at least I have an hour or two of quiet relief. I wasn't quite sure of what all she knew, but glad enough to get away with only a few scratches.
The quiet was stagnant and stuffy, it was all too much. The blinding white and taunting blue, everything in its order in a place following an order. Everything except seemingly me. No, shaking my head, I need to focus. With my adrenaline receding the pain in my shoulder increased. I needed to clean it and bandage it before tonight. Whether Jenanine was coming or not, my mother would not accept anything but perfection before the choosing ceremony. I quickly scan the carpet bringing my arm to my chest. I need to prevent blood getting anywhere but where it had already stained. Luckily for me, my clothes seemed to be the only thing harmed.
I made my way quietly to the hallway my mother had stalked doen just minutes before hand. Past the study door and straight back into my room. Immediately left another door which led me to the bathroom. The light when flickered in was dim. It was dying, I had meant to fix it but what would the use be now. I needed to flea. No matter what happens tonight, if Jeanine alerts them or not. Tomorrow would be my escape. With my plan in hand, I peel off the blue, slightly red stained, cardigan and toss it to the floor. I peer into the half length mirror above the sink. My shirt underneath was ruined, the straps of my white tank top were ruined, but they gave me a clear look at the damage done. Touching the open wounds sent a sting down my arm. This was on the lighter side of punishments when it came to my mother. Something I had come to appreciate as it had grown more frequent over the years. My hair was going to be a problem. Even though some of it was up most of it was down and I didn’t want to have to keep pulling it out of the way while I cleaned my wounds.
I was on my third attempt at putting my hair in a bun when a small tapping sounded throughout the bathroom. Again it takes everything in me not to flinch when I turn, only to see my father standing there. The tightness in my chest eases, I shoot him a tiny smile and a greeting.
“Hello, papa.” The formalness in my tone isn’t shocking but he still sighs and shakes his head. It is easy to tell that time has taken its due from him. The once thick black hair I remember has thinned out, but enough of it was there to slick back. He eases himself off the door and comes to stand behind me.
Images of the sim pass before my eyes. I do my best to shake it off but the feeling of someone behind me causes me to tense. I watch as he bows his head and brings his wide hands to examine my shoulders. Our height difference isn’t giant but he still has a foot or two on me. The wrinkles in his forehead and the creases around his eyes only increase as he ghosts over my shoulders.
“Cariño,” a pet name he uses when we are alone slips out, one that had lost its endearance years ago. He kisses the top of my head and grabs the cloth hanging next to us. “What happened this time?” He asks, reaching around me to turn on the water. As the water wanted he gently undid my hair and gathered it together. Tying it loose in a low sitting bun. Something he used to do when I was a child.
I wish I could just lean into him. Let the tears that had threatened to fall actually escape. A reality Inever really had. Instead I sigh and shake my head. No matter what I say now, he will defend her, he always had and always will. Just another reason I needed to leave.
“Mom is worried about my aptitude test.” I admit. The evidence of her ‘worry’ was being wiped away by him now. He was gentle on both arms as he washed away the sins of my mother. He was always quite good at that. It was the reason that they had the jobs they do now. He again only sighed and turned the tap on again.
“You know she worries for you,” a deflection. One I did not feel like countering. Lord knows he would stay as faithful to that woman as he ever had. A flaw he had unfortunately passed down onto me.
Instead “of course, papa…” I concede. Even if I hated her, I loved him. A vicious cycle we had found ourselves in years ago. One I was determined to break.
Once he was finished he set the now light pink towel into the sink. I could do the rest from here. Probably painfully but I could handle it. I expected him to leave, we sat in silence for the remainder of the time but I was startled when he turned me around. His withered hands, once used to protect himself now used for science, gathered my face in his hands. He had a grave look, and held me firmly. A pit was forming, he had to have already known. The worst was now coming to mind.
“Cariño,” he spoke softly, keeping our eyes connected. “Do not worry, your mother will know nothing tonight.”
I could breathe. The rest of the weight from my chest lifted and tears sprang to my eyes. I said nothing as he leaned in and placed a lingering kiss on my forehead. He knew and would not say anything. He said nothing else as he left. Turning back around with a redound vigor I grabbed the first aid kit from under the sink. With only one thought,
I will make it out of here alive.
Notes:
kudos, Comments, Ad until next time
Chapter 4: Chapter 4
Summary:
It's time for her first choice, the first of many and the easiest. Though she doesn't know it, her fall will not always be voluntary
Notes:
Finally, here we go people. Buckle up because Ren is growing her fangs, let's hope they protect her.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I was never going to make it out of here alive.
It was hot and freezing at the same time. My forehead was slightly damp being pressed here together like sardines and yet my fingers were going numb. Nerves, I needed to shake this off. Yet sitting here at the front of the choosing ceremony my parents to the left of me, strangers to the right. All I wanted to do was vomit, or run. Marcus, the abnegation leader, had already given his little speech. I had tuned out most of it but Erudite had been whispering up a storm. Our, no, their distrust in his leadership was made clear. I sat tuning out most of it as I fiddled with the cuffs of my dark blue button down. The black pants had been a bad decision too, as it didn’t help with the heat.
Another roar from my left had me watching as a dauntless boy made his way over to Amity. A strange decision I had to admit but none of my business. I could hear my mother scoff but paid her no mind. Soon she would be speechless. Another name is called one that sound a familiar this time
“Mina Colbert,”
I can only assume our faction is next as I watch the girl in glasses who I had met only yesterday make her way to the front of the podiums. Each holding a display of what each faction seemed to represent. She is quick with the blade as she slices her palm open. She shows no hesitation as she holds it over broken shards of glass. She’s defected. It’s really no surprise as her honesty and bluntness yesterday were clear signs of what was to come. She didn’t look back as Candor welcomed her with open arms. The jab of envy strikes me as I watch, but it is soothed away by a single thought. It’ll be my turn soon.
This time erudite cheers, I can only see the fluffy blond hair of the boy as he goes back up the steps. Someone has chosen to stay. I shrug it off when I hear it,
“Verena Miller”
My heartbeat is the only thing I can hear. The world has also seemed to fade out from under me because now I am standing in front of the bowls. It’s time. I take the blade from where it sits in front of me. The feeling of the cool metal is familiar. It’s not as heavy as the gun in the sim. I stare at the bowls. It is a simple choice really. The water ripples from the effects of the crowd. The sight of it makes me want to throw the whole thing off its podium. Instead I take the approach Mina did. I cut across my palm quickly. The nerve endings shootout pain, but I pay it no mind. The coals seem to sizzle my name, calling out to me as I squeeze my palm and watch the blood trickle over and start to evaporate.
Roaring fills my ears as I turn and make my way over to the screaming crowd. Boys and girls alike congratulate me as a bandage is placed in my hand. I keep my head down, refusing to look in any direction but the one straight below me. Relief is all that seems to register as hands shake my shoulders and grab at my arms. I place the bandage on my hand and breathe. I’ve done it. I’m free. And nothing states that’s more than when we’re finally running out of the hub just like I saw yesterday when they were running in.
Everyone is screaming and shouting as we make our way towards the massive yellow pillars that hold the train tracks. I follow the crowd, my lungs burning and my chest heaving as I let myself smile for the first time since we’ve left the building. Erudite, Amity, Candor, and Abnegation scuttle away from us as we tear through the city streets. Those shrouded in the same blue as me watch as I run by, it’s too late to care, I’ve made my decision and I can’t go back not that I want to. A laugh bubbles from my chest and is carried away by the wind making me even more out of breath by the time we reach the pillars holding up the train. I want to try and catch my breath but can’t and follow quickly behind a dauntless born as he climbs up towards the top of the tracks. I am not far behind but the ache in my limbs and the burning in my hand quickly remind me I was not in fact built for this. Though I don’t let it stop me as I haul myself on top of the tracks and take in a deep solidifying breath. The same boy I had followed tugged on my sleeve before he started running. Almost as soon as he had taken his first step the tracks seemed to roar to life, I whipped my head to the left, my legs shaking under me as a train quickly approached us. Just like the dauntless boy I took off behind him, the train was going fast, too fast. There was no way it was intending to stop. Just as the tain flew past us the boy with ease grabbed onto the side of a cart opening up the door and pulling himself inside. He and the cart were gone just as quickly as they had come. Anxiety gnawed at my skin as I looked back and caught sight of the handle for the next cart. Before I could doubt myself, I grabbed a hold and flung myself inside. Less than graciously throwing myself into the metal wall opposite of where I had just come in from.
A snicker erupts to my right as I stabilized myself against the wall. A quick glance told me it was a Candor boy. That was all the time I was allotted before another body slammed into mine causing me to hit the wall again. I groaned as pain shot through my skull as it hit the wall. I heard another pained wheeze come from the person who caused our collision. This time a full blown laugh escaped the Candor. I was unable to retaliate against either as a string of apologies ripped through the air. Clutching the side of my head I shoved away the body that seemed to tower over me with my other hand, I turned to lash out when the words die on my tongue. How the hell is he here? There standing before me is the hazel eyed boy I’d met before. His hair was wind whipped and his eyes raked over me wildly, before settling on my face as recognition dawned on him as it did me.
“Oh look, smarts has herself a little stiff boyfriend,” A taunt is thrown our way before either of us can say anything. The curly headed boy looks over trying to sutter something out as his eyes flicker between me and the black haired Candor, who can’t seem to keep his mouth shut.
“What, you want him?” I shoot back before I even have time to process what I just said. There is laughter from those around us. A choked sound comes from the boy as well as his cheeks flush pink. Taking a deep inhale I slide back against the wall of the train. It’s the first time I’ve had a break since the hub. Chatter fills the car now, adrenaline still seems to be high as those who made it seem to find those from the same faction. Taking a glance around me the colors seem to drown each other out. A handful from Candor, such as a girl a little darker than myself sits with another smaller looking Candor girl. The other smart mouth who talks candidly with an Erudite boy I’ve seen once or twice in classes. The same goes for Erudite transfers as a couple of us are scattered around the car. The Amity defectors have even fewer numbers, I can only catch about three multicolored outfits all sticking close together like sheep. Then there is the unfortunate gray soul who has already seemed to find his company. Unfortunately that person seemed to be me. Even if he hadn’t said anything for the whole ride, the curly haired boy seemed stuck to his place beside me as he fiddled with the cuff of his sleeve. Even if I wasn’t happy about it, the familiarity of someone, even if I had only met them the day prior, was comforting. The chatter continues as I stare off. Though less and less people seemed to be interested in talking as the time continued to pass. It had to have been close to a half hour now that we had been on this train. Not a word spoken between me and the companion I had seemed to acquire. Mustering up the courage I finally spoke up.
“Aelius, wasn’t it?” I ask softly, I don’t bother turning, instead just watch out the still open car door as broken buildings and open land fly by. Though in the corner of my eye I see his head jerk towards me. Slowly he turned and faced forward as well. Though he had stopped messing with his sleeves.
“Yeah, actually.” He replied, relief coated his tone as I watched him visibly relax. “Verena, right?” He returned the question. I shook my head this time turning towards him giving him my attention,
“You can call me Ren,” He turned towards me as well, now with a bright smile. One I wasn’t expecting,
“Nice to meet you,” a pause “Ren.”
I stared for only a moment, the name falling from his lips sounded far softer than what I had expected. It reminded me of when a small child cursed for the first time, something inherently wrong with how it sounds from something so young, pure, so innocent. The moment is broken when I watch his eyes widen. First slowly then shooting open. He is gripping my arm when the command falls from his lips,
“Jump!”
Fear grips me, it claws and rips but it is quickly shoved to the side when I am pulled forward. The force is enough to essentially leave behind the sudden anxiety I had felt when Aelius had basically all but forced me out of the moving car. Before I had time to question what was happening the wind was crashing across my face and the train was no longer under my feet. In what felt like slow motion I watched as the gap between the train, and the building passed under me and gravel seemed to be my everlasting fate. Tucking my limbs together, time finally caught up with me as I crashed into sharp pebbles. More pain exploded from my shoulder and back as I rolled onto the rooftop. Pushing myself onto my knees I watched with a heaving chest as more and more people jumped. Some falling more gracefully than me and some much less graceful. I’ve finally found myself on my feet when I hear a shout rip out from beside me. I only catch the slipping of a hand and a sickening crunch by the time I've looked over. I catch another shaky breath as a girl screams out running to the edge of the building. It’s one of the Amity girls, the boy stares stunned at the ledge reaching out shakily to the sobbing girl. I turn to avoid watching her shaking body. It’s an unfortunate reality, but not everyone is cut out for this. A truth I tell myself calmly, ignoring the shaking in my hands as I clench them together. The burn in my palms and the throbbing of my back brings me reeling into reality, as I now take a second to assess the damage done to my once pristine dress shirt and pants. The seams that held together the sleeve to the top of my shirt were shredded and from the constant buzzing and same burn emanated from the spot where it had ripped. I could only assume I had reopened the wind from my mother due to the collision. My pants sustained less than my shirt with only a few scraps and a single tear. I let the sleeve fall to my elbow where it stayed as I surveyed the rooftop. Before I could really take anything in. Aelius Scrambled up in front of me. His eyes were just as wild as they had been when he entered the train. They scanned me frivolously taking in my appearance while his hands gripped my wrists in a firm hold
“Oh my god, Ren! Are you okay?! I am so sorry I don’t know what just happened! I didn’t mean to throw you off, I just got so scared!” He rambled off, still not looking me in the eye. “Oh god your shirt, I’m so sorry. God what did I do-”
“Aelius.” I interject his constant thoughts. He finally meets my gaze, are those tears? I shake off his grip, this kid really likes touching. “I’m fine, plus it’s just a shirt it really doesn’t mean that–
“ Initiates, to me! ” The booming voice echoes off from the front of the building.
Both Aelius and I turn as those of us scattered around the roof slowly start to make our way towards the three official looking dauntless staring at us like prey who had stumbled across easy prey. Part of me believes they had.
Both of us suddenly toss our conversation away as we make our way to the now forming crowd. We stand at the front of the group with people both to our left and right but with a clear view of the very intimidating figures that stand before us, clad in black. There are three as I had seen before. The first one stands just as tall as Aelius without the lanky body. This guy is broad, with tattoos winding themselves up his forearms and sneaking up his throat ending just below his jaw. He also has two studs just above piercing grayish eyes. If anyone wanted to create a dauntless soldier, you probably couldn’t come any closer.
Behind him standing on the edge of the building is a man and a woman. The man, whose skin was even darker than my own, wasn’t covered in tattoos compared to the first. He stood looking bored, and yet his eyes carefully watched over the crowd, unblinkingly. His hair was pulled back into a bun but curls still managed to escape. The woman however was the pure opposite. Her eyes only seemed drawn to the blond, her hair was a vicious red which was only exacerbated by her olive skin tone. I can’t tell from this distance, and maybe it was her makeup but her eyes almost seemed nonexistent underneath the charcoal makeup. Even with her scowl she was beautiful. Thankful before either of them catch me staring a growl rips through the air.
“Listen up.” it couldn’t be farther from a question, even if he added a visible question mark, “My name is Eric, I am one of your newly initiated leaders.” He states. It is almost unnerving how sure of himself this man is. His hands clasped firmly in front of him, nothing about his appearance is out of place. All of them, acting as if they’re already bored of being here. He gestures from us back over the wall shifting his weight from foot to foot, amused.
“If you want to enter Dauntless this is the way in,” He leans back against the wall now unfazed at the incredulous statement he just made. “If you don’t have the guts to jump,” a shrug “then you don’t belong in dauntless.”
It’s quiet for a moment, all of us waiting patiently for him to point out this must be an obvious joke. Yet the silence remains. Suddenly I can’t control the slight tremor in my hands,
“Will there be something at the bottom, you know, to catch us?” A voice calls from behind me, I refuse to turn around still silently staring at the wall. If I concentrate hard enough it will turn into stairs, I’m almost sure of it. But a quick glance up at Eric and my stomach seems to be filled with knives. A traderious smirk graces his face as if waiting for someone to ask.
“Guess you’ll find out,” and just like that the humor is gone “Or not.”
Whispers erupt from the crowd, all silent judgments of what has to be happening. Out of the corner of my eyes I can see Aelius fiddling with his jacket sleeve again. The tiniest of voices whispers to me to reassure him, but too much of my brain is trying to figure out what the hell is actually happening. Then a annoyed sigh interrupts us all again,
“Well someone has to jump first, who's it going to be?” Impatience laces Eric’s tone.
A pregnant pause falls over us once again. It dawns on me in this moment, what if no one is brave at all, just really fucking stupid. Then there it is,
“Me.” A warbled voice comes from the crowd. It’s a girl, though loud enough to hear amongst the silence it’s still shaky and soft. I shift with the crowd as the girl in red and yellow makes her way stiffly to the front. Her Auburn hair is pinned half up half down only falling to her shoulders. It’s all I can catch from her appearance as she scuttles forward. Slowly, almost agonizing, she lifts herself onto the ledge. Slowly lifting one foot after the other as she steadies herself from a crouched position.
“Yeah Amity, just take your time,” Another voice calls from the crowd, my hands itch to shut up the boy I know is taunting this poor girl. A part of me hopes he doesn’t jump at all and that I’ll never have to deal with him.
“Just push her already,” An annoyed grumble coms just seconds after the first. This time I can’t help but glare over my shoulder where the voice seems to be coming from. He’s taller than most so when we lock eyes his cocky little grin only widens.
“What nose, have a soft spot for the helpless? Maybe you should go back to Abnegation with your boyfriend.” I sneer, ready to start a real argument when a soft gasp catches me off guard. I whip back around and the girl is gone. Eric watches with a raised eyebrow over the ledge and not a second passes before he yells out for the next one. I am surprised when without a word Aelius steps up. Much like the girl, he is slow with getting up. He even pauses only looking at what I can assume is a pitch black cavern waiting to swallow each of us brave enough to let it.
“Today, initiate.” Eric orders once again. Now looking ready to push him the ledge himself. When a gust of wind hits the roof and with it Aelius steps off. A terrified shout echoes from his place but is taken with the wind.
Again Eric follows with bored eyes, I can only assume the novelty has worn off. Because when his eyes flicker back up he opens his mouth again but before he can call out. I’m moving.
The gravel seems to slip beneath my feet as I put one foot in front of the other. I have yet to take a breath before I am launching myself over the edge. Planting my hands on the barrier and throwing my legs out from under me and over the top. Gravity does its job as the fall is immediate. Like a theft in the broad daylight the quick descension steals out from me a boisterous laugh. One that echoes off the broken buildings that grow larger as I descend. The wind is a violent creature flying past me causing my hair to whip around, and my clothes to fly out beside me. The speed at which I was falling was going to never stop. I was sure of it. I never wanted it to.
I am proven wrong when I am caught at the bottom and shot back up which pulls from me another shocked laugh. My heart is racing and I gasp for air as I collide again with what I can now feel is rope. I stare up aghast at what had probably been only 30 seconds and yet had stolen a lifetime from me. I am not given much time to think about that when the net is yanked out from under me and a hand being shoved in my face is helping me down. Once again, I throw my legs out and shakily take the outstretched hand. It takes me a moment to untangle myself but once I am on solid ground I am able to take a solidifying breathe breath.
“What’s your name?” A voice asks me,
“Take me out to dinner first,” I mumbled under my breath, running my hands through my hair before I stopped. I did not just say that. My head shoots up ready to apologize before glowering brown eyes stop me. Another man with short brown hair trimmed at the sides and short on top. I am almost positive he heard me when he asks,
“What was that?” I cannot seem to breathe as he glares down at me, daring me to speak again.
“Ren,” it comes out in a whisper before I clear my throat and fix my eyes to the floor “my name is Ren.”
“Third jumper, Ren!” He shouts out.
I look back up and actively avoid eye contact with the towering man. Now that I am able to see those around me the cavern we are in is surrounded by a balcony. Dauntless congregate on the ledge, peering down at us. Watching with heated gazes. Clapping starts to erupt but I don't want it. Actually, every part of me wants to tell them to stop. I do my best to drown it out while trying to find my escape. It's only when I see the bright smile and outstretched hand trying to get my attention do I find my light at the end of the tunnel. Embarrassment feels like hot coals in my hands, but he is the lesser of two evils right now. All I crave right now is to get as far away from the human hate machine. Aelius is feet behind the only one in my way and before I try to step around this increasingly uncomfortable situation a strong hand grips my upper elbow. It instantly shoots pain up my arm as my eyes meet the man’s again. In a harsh growl he warns,
“Watch your mouth, before all you're speaking to is the factionless.” The eye contact is intense, I can only manage a nod before he releases his bruising grip when another yell sounds from above. I swiftly make my way to Aelius’s side like a small animal getting scolded and finding its mother, heart still racing and with a gnawing in my stomach making me nauseous. Though now I can’t tell if it’s from fear, adrenaline, or embarrassment. Maybe all three. I pay no attention to who comes down next when another hand squeezes my shoulder. The flinch is involuntary and makes the previously dull pain in my shoulder sting again but am only met with concerned eyes from none other than Aelius.
“Hey are you okay, what happened?” He gestures over to the guy now pulling off a dauntless born. I shrug him off before I can even think about it,
“Nothing, he was just being an asshole, making sure I knew I was in Dauntless.” The lie falls from my lips with ease. That seems to be enough for Aelius as he watches the next person fall with a grin spread across his face. It’s nice to see that despite my previous encounter, one of us was enjoying their time.
Notes:
Kudos, Comments, Until next time
Chapter 5: Chapter 5
Summary:
Now that Ren has made it, let's get a look at what she's working with.
Notes:
I've gotten a couple more chapters out, now I will be updating every Sunday to give me a goal. Those will mostly be unedited. Now with Finals almost out of the way I can kinda focus on writing.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It is only a couple of minutes later before the last jumper is called. We are all gathered together, some of us talk, most of us keep to ourselves. Despite shrugging him off I am practically tucked into Aelius’s side. He doesn’t seem to mind as he is currently having a conversation with the Amity girl, who I overheard saying her name was Leana, who jumped first. From what I’ve heard they seem to steer far away from any conversation pertaining to our jump. I scan the room, or more like a cave. We seemed to have found ourselves in. It is dark, only illuminated by yellow headlamps tucked into the walls.
“Alright, listen up.” Our attention for the second time is called to the front this time by the man before who pulled us from the net. I inch ever a bit closer to Aelius when his eyes scan over the room. “My name is Four. I work in intelligence, however for the time being I will be overseeing the transfers.” He motions to his left,
“Lillian,” the red headed woman from the roof steps forward, “Is overseeing the dauntless born.”
With a flick of her wrist and a quick, “Dauntless with me,” Our group is instantly cut in half. Most of them laugh and mingle as they make their way forwards leaving us behind with Four. As I take another look around Candor and Erudite seem to make up the majority of the group.
“Initiates, with me.” Four commands as he spins on his heel. The lot of us have to walk quickly just to catch up as he leads us through the darkened corridors. He is short and to the point as he shows us through the winding corridors. As we walk, all the stone walls look exactly the same, and I am sure I will have to have a second walk through to even begin to know where I am at any given point in time. Before I know it he leads us to two metal doors. As he swings them open and we file in, the openness surprises me.
“This is the training room, for the first couple of weeks, this is where you will be. Day in and day out,” There is no room for argument and none comes as we take in the large dome.
A whistle breaks through the crowd, it seems like I am not the only one who is impressed by the makeshift weight room. While the boys chatter excitedly, one glance at the few girls in the room it is obvious the anxiety is high, but nonetheless excited. It is moments like this where I am reminded that I have in fact left my home, and will never be able to turn back. It’s exhilarating.
There are pillars separating the areas, to the far right seem to be wooden backboards, with human outlines and a target at the center of the head and chest in white chalk. Tables set up far in front but empty. The middle consists of several square rings, one right after the other. Then to the far left holds equipment I’ve only ever seen in my text books for health and wellness, along with orange dummies worn and weathered.
Four ushers us out but Aelius doesn’t move, still enamored or fearful I can’t tell, with the room. I have to tug at his gray sweater to finally get his feet moving. We walk back towards the main corridor, and are led into a different corridor completely. We all come down a spiral staircase before we meet another platform and two sets of stairs. At the top, I can already see the bunk beds that occupy the room. They look thin and only a pillow and a thin gray blanket occupy the space. Once we reach the bottom Four speaks up again,
“Everyone grab a duffel, girls to the left boys to the right.” He instructs. We all break off for a moment going to grab the charcoal duffel bags. It takes me a moment to dig through the bag piled on top of one another before I find a bag labeled ‘M’. We all as a group reconvene behind Four as he starts showing us through the enclosure. “This is where you will be staying–”
“Who?” The boy I can only assume asked Eric a similar question on the roof cuts him off. Four only glares over his shoulder.
“All of you.” This shuts up the Erudite boy, “This is where you will find the bathrooms, he smiles humorlessly as the very much open bathroom concept is seen. Instantly I want to reel back and stay as far away from the communal properties as I can. I can tell most of us feel the same by the awkward glances. Four pushes past all of us only stopping to throw over his shoulder,
“Get changed, you have 10 minutes.” He is out just as quickly as he had entered. I make my way to the front of the room. Aelius follows close at my heels. I want to ask if he can give me space to breathe, but the guilt outweighs the annoyance. He was after all the only person I was acquainted with.
I toss my bag up to the first top bunk but before Aelius even gets the chance to swing his bag. The Candor boy from before shoves Aelius’s shoulder and places his bag on the bed under mine.
“Too slow, stiff,” He smirks, and then with a swivel of his head he winks at me, “Sup bunk mate.” I want to gag instead settling with an eye roll and a scoff.
I have every intention of telling him to get lost when Aelius squeezes my shoulder and places his bag on the lower bunk directly to his right. Diagonal to mine, in some twisted way I got my space but at what cost. When a squeaky voice speaks up, and shoots my irritation even higher.
“Do you mind?” It’s Leana the Amity girl pointing to the bunk above Aelius’s.
“Of course not,” Aelius smiles at her. I envy the smaller girl for a moment, at least she had someone tolerable to bunk with. I climb the railing of the bed and open up the duffel. Inside are: t-shirts, long sleeves, leggings, a pair of sweatpants, a jacket, tennis shoes and a pair of black combat boots. I retrieve the long sleeve and sweatpants. Shuffling around I manage to get both on without having to leave my bed. I throw on the boots and jump down.
Another whistle has me turning, “Thanks for the show, nose.” I am only allowed a single step when a hand encircles my wrist and Four shouts from the top of the stairs.
“To me, bring your old clothes!” The Candor saunters off, I huff and pull my wrist from Aelius. The rest of us scramble towards the stairs, old faction clothes in hand, and like a magnet Aelius finds my side once again as we ascend the stairs. With a long breath Aelius nudges me with his shoulder as we ascend the spiral staircase.
“Don’t let him get to you.” I can’t help but roll my eyes,
“He is going to get my foot up his ass,” this gets me a chuckle, exposing dimples I hadn’t noticed before.
“So this is actually insane right?” He asks, still glancing at me as we make our way up the spiral staircase. It hits me when I go to speak and have to clear my throat, I have been staring for a moment too long.
“I’m questioning if this is bravery or stupidity,” I answer as we make it to the top and follow Four out the door and back into the maze of halls. Aelius laughs again, light and airy, seemingly finding my honesty funny.
“If it’s stupidity, then no wonder your not at Erudite,”
I know he means for it to come off as a joke, but the second he finished a look of fear crosses his face. He must be right to some extent because here I am in all black, and not my uniform blue and white. I merely glance his way and shrug again cutting off his incoming apology,
“Never passed any of my classes anyway, just found out how to rig the reporting system.” I try to joke back with a half truth. I did not necessarily fail all of my classes, but just enough to where I needed to find another way to make it look like I was passing. Lord knows what would’ve happened if I hadn't. The thought makes me grimace, thankful I don’t have to worry about that anymore.
The look on Aelius’s face makes it clear my joke hasn’t landed the way I intended. He doesn’t know if I’m joking or not because he just has an awkward smile. Luckily for him, and myself this painful conversation has been put on hold as we start to file into a single line. Ahead I can see the others tossing their clothes into a fire pit. I almost regret my decision of long sleeves and sweatpants as I get closer.
Watching those ahead of me reminds me of a very common saying. ‘Faction before blood’. I could see it didn’t hold true for everyone. For most they simply tossed their old lives to burn away with their clothes. Some however, such as a Candor boy with an elongated face and hair tied at the base of his neck, hesitate before forcing himself to look away as he drops his clothing. When it is my turn to walk through, I simply tilt my hand and let the clothes fall without a second glance. Even now, with my old faction clothes burning to dust, I still feel too close to who I was before. It won’t be for long now, is all I can think as I leave the burn pit behind me.
Once that little errand was done Four informs us that it is dinner time. It doesn’t take us long to reach the pit, a massive expanse of concrete and stone. Four had taken us here towards the middle of our tour and a stop before our dorm room showing. It is cold here, a giant glass ceiling is built above us. The dying sun gives all of us a better view across the giant underground escape. Built into the sides of the walls are shops and buildings carved out. I guess everything in this place has to dig itself into place. There are multiple exit paths, but all of them either lead towards more stores, or shops I can’t quite make out. The only true escape seemed to be the stairs on the far wall leading out. While looking around I notice Four and Eric having a very tense conversation. When did he slip away? I don’t seem to be the only one confused, whispers linger throughout our group.
“They seem to be friendly,” Aelius tries to joke leaning into my ear. I glance at him raising a shoulder,
“Don’t know about you but all I can smell is testosterone.” My joke doesn’t seem to land, again. Aelius gives me a quizzical look sniffing himself, deadpanning I go to extend my hand towards the two when a voice interrupts,
“Alright Initiates, there are two stages of training,” Four bellows grabbing all of our attention as he paces in front of us. Prowling like a predator, or a caged animal. “The first will be physical, training your body to the breaking point then further. You will learn the basics of combat, essentially.” He doesn’t stop walking as he continues to eye each of us, “The second is mental, once again breaking point, you will face your worst fears and have to conquer them. That is unless they get you first.”
An involuntary shiver runs down my spine, it must not only be me because Aelius seems to tense beside me. Again I find myself shifting ever so slightly towards him as Four continues,
“You will be trained separately from the Dauntless born, however, you will be ranked together.” He points directly behind us where a group slightly larger than ours relax on a risen concrete slab seemingly nonchalantly. “After initiation, rankings will determine what jobs you move into. This includes leadership, guarding the wall, keeping the factionless from killing each other–”
“Rankings will also decide who gets cut.” Four freezes mid-step and with his mouth forming a thin line, his eyes narrow to no one in particular but the irritation radiates off him. Eric stalks up beside him, glowering at each of us individually,
“What do you mean cut?” It’s Leana who speaks up now, she looks terrified and far too small for the clothes she currently adorns.
“At the end of each stage of training, the lowest ranking initiates will be leaving us.” He states it as if such a statement was just another date in the calendar. The shock that radiates through the group is palpable. It is silent as all of us piece together the puzzle, it looks like proving myself was still a core part in my life. Maybe passing my classes would have helped me here.
“Factionless,” The word tumbles from my mouth before I can stop it, it escapes from me breathily as if someone had punched me in the stomach. Eric’s eyes find my own, his smirk is dangerous and I stop breathing, was that a growl? I must be the only one to hear it as he states back far more boldly than I did,
“Factionless.” He is sardonic and it only makes my shoulders tense, like a collar had been forced around my throat.
“Why weren’t we informed about this, it’s not fair!” I turn at the small outburst, breaking the uncomfortable eye contact with the leader. It's the Candor girl from the train. She is short, no taller than 5’0 and has wavy hazelnut brown hair. I can tell she is not trying to be fearful but the shaking of her hands is a dead give away, honest to a fault. I try not to flinch as I turn back towards Eric, who has a deadly sneer, eyes now locked on her. He takes a step forward and the energy has shifted, I glance around even if they hadn’t noticed most of the group tried to shrink away.
“Life isn’t fair,” He states lowly, “Would you have chosen differently? If you would, then save me the trouble and leave. There is no place in Dauntless for you.” The power he radiates causes me to freeze, I can only stare blankly at his towering form. He may have been staring directly at the Candor but it was evident he was speaking to all of us.
“You chose us, Now we choose you.” His smirk is taunting, and dangerous. His eyes sweep the crowd once again before he turns on his heel and makes his way towards the stairs. I can finally breathe once again but the tremor in my hands has returned once again. I clench them into fists as his words replay in my head. Factionless, I could be factionless. Something warm brushes the back of my clenched hand. My eyes jerk towards the finger that is still too close to my hand and following its arm is Aelius. He looks just as pale as the rest of us but in some sort of attempt he smiles at me. I cannot manage one in return and instead face forward once again as we start to move. Though I do brush my knuckles with his as I step forward. No matter how seemingly annoying he seemed to be, for the next 10 weeks Aelius was going to be there no matter the circumstance. Might as well have some sort of ally even if it wouldn’t be for long.
From the overwhelming chatter as we ascend into a longer hallway I assume we are now headed to dinner since the Candor, Damien, can’t shut up about wanting to eat. He makes a crude joke to the girl who spoke up moments ago and she lets out a hellish giggle. I hear a snort from beside me, I look over. Aelius meets my gaze and rolls his eyes. This makes me smirk, so he might not be so bad. It’s then that the roaring of water can be heard. I try to search in front of me, but too many people block my eyesight as we come to an ‘opening’. Four stops us, we all stand on a metal supported bridge with only a thin railing keeping us from the rushing waves that churn stories below us. The water is so powerful the waves that crash into the stone cause a mist to rise from below and makes the metal lining damp with the off spray of water.
“This is the Chasm, a reminder to you all there is a difference between bravery, and stupidity. No matter how strong you think you are, the Chasm is stronger.” He is stiff when speaking to us, gripping the railing to his left so tightly his knuckles turn white but he stands firm. “There are always a few each year who try and take on the Chasm, they always fail.” Is his final warning before he continues forward.. I couldn’t help but peer over as we passed. Despite the fear I felt as I tore my gaze away, I couldn’t help but think it was beautiful as well.
The rattling of the bridge signals that we are moving but I can’t help and watch the swirling waves. A tap against my hand has me tearing my eyes away, I am not expecting the soft look Aelius gives me. It reminds me of my father, I am quick to shove both away, walking past Aelius without a glance. I try to catch up with the group fighting away the rolling of my stomach, the hunger must be getting to me.
As we entered the dining hall the noise was louder than the crashing waves caused by the Chasm. Then it suddenly wasn’t, heads and talk quieted as everyone looked towards us. It was unnerving, did everyone treat each other like prey and predator here? I scanned the crowd, it was unfamiliar to me for everyone to take interest in such a tribal way. I couldn’t help but think back home— Erudite— I mean. No one gave you such attention unless you had earned it. Which I hadn't had the pleasure of doing. It wasn’t too much longer before rowdiness built back up again.
I followed the others, all of us shuffling through the cafeteria line. There were several options to choose from, another change from Erudite. I didn’t really bother, I hadn’t even grabbed a tray and instead opted for an apple and a bottle of water at the end. Now comes the hard part, choosing where the hell to sit. I am taking my second scan of the room when someone nudges my shoulder, I turn to sneer only to be blinded by Aelius’s smile.
“Come on, I’ve saved us a spot,” He gestures over to a table already taken by Leana, the dauntless boy I had followed on the platform and a couple of others. I must not hide my discontent very well because Aelius chuckles,
“Come on now, it’s going to be a long 10 weeks if even eating lunch with them is a struggle,” He doesn’t wait for me as he starts to head over, I am floored by my body’s movement when I start to follow after he is not even two steps ahead. I huff under my breath, I mean he is right. These people haven’t done anything to me, though they also haven’t done anything for me. I have to dodge swinging arms and bodies but It’s not long before we get to the table. Aelius takes a seat next to the open space by Leana and thankful for me there is just enough room to sit beside him. Across from Aelius sits the Erudite boy who looked familiar, going down from him is the candor girl who looks just as annoyed as I feel. After Leana on our side is the Amity boy and the Dauntless boy who seems to be flirting with the Candor across from him. It’s not going well.
“Here,” A plate slides in front of me, confused I turn to Aelius,
“What?” I ask, staring at the plate of chicken and rice, the most boring idea of a meal I had ever seen.
“Are you sure you’re from Erudite?” He asks with a cheeky smile, before taking a bite of his own identical plate. “You need to have something, I heard the Dauntless borns talking, apparently training is brutal,” He states, chewing through his food. I could only eye the plate, I still wasn’t hungry but he had a small point, I would need to maintain my food intake, if I was going to actually survive this. I take the fork from the plate and tear off a corner piece of the chicken.
“You sure you’re Abnegation, eating sure is selfish,” I jab back at him eating the food from my fork. He scoffs and laughs simultaneously, “Seriously though, chicken and rice? Could you be any more bland?” I ask, dropping the fork and opting for my apple.
“That’s all he probably knows, after all Abnegation gives to the less fortunate,” A gratingly angelic voice sounds. From around Aelius pops out Leana. Now sitting just feet from her, I can really look at her.. She was soft, her face round and pale, with small eyes. Easy. The thought makes me choke. I bring a hand to my throat as I cough up the apple piece that seemed to want to make an appearance. Aelius stirs trying to help and I just wave him off as the food comes unstuck. I gasp as I try to control my breathing once more. I couldn’t help but notice how Leana had now placed her hand on top of Aelius’s arm leaning over concern written all over her face. I can’t control the stare, watching where her hand lingers. It was suddenly a little bit hotter than it had been moments ago, confused, I pull at the sleeve of my shirt. It’s probably nothing.
“Or maybe they just want to take care of others instead of their own,” It was a snarky reply, I know. A cautious look crosses her face, before fear replaces it. I soon understand as a tray slams in front of me,
“I don’t want to hear of your other Factions, this is your home now. You are Dauntless.” I crane my neck to see Four standing before me in the empty spot. If there was a hope to get into his good graces, there certainly isn’t now. Not with our previous encounter and apparently a sore spot of transfering
“But we’re not though, not yet at least.” A sharp response causes all of us to turn and stare at the Candor girl who glares at her plate. “Some of us won’t even be Dauntless.” She continues not even glancing at Four before taking a bite of her burger. The deadly silence that follows makes me certain we will be down one initiate in the next few minutes.
“If you have that mindset, then you shouldn’t be. And I can certainly help with that issue” Comes Fours stoney response, it’s unforgiving in nature and even causes the Candor to pause. The entire encounter is cut short as those around us start to bang their cups against the table. The clanging is enough to have me in a state of unease. I watch as all heads turn upwards.
Above us is a landing guarded by a metal railing. Three figures appear from the dark. A dark skinned man with a buzzed head, stocky stature and a goatee has to be no older than 30. To his left is a pale woman with golden waves, she is lean and looks no older than the man. To his right is Eric, looking as stoic as ever. Not a hair is out of place with his slicked back look, he doesn’t hide his predatory gaze from finding each initiate and assessing them once more. Once his eyes find mine it takes everything in me to not look away. It is truly terrifying how a singular look can make me want to curl into myself and never appear again. He is on to Aelius the next second and I can finally allow myself a breath.
“Initiates, stand.” No one seems to hesitate as we all do as we’re told, craning necks to listen. Even if it isn’t needed as his voice echoes across the cafeteria. “You have chosen to join the warrior faction. Tasked with the defense of this city and all its inhabitants.” He seems to try and find each of us just as Eric had done. “We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, and the courage that drives one person. To stand up for one another.” He pauses to let his words sink in. Like a nail in the coffin, It feels so much more real staring up at those who are now my leaders. No longer did I feel suffocated.
“Respect that. Do us proud.” It seems to be a rousing speech that has those around us cheering loudly as he and the others walk away. He also makes his last statement as if he wasn’t the one who implemented the new rules we were introduced to. I can not continue this thought as I am lifted into the air. I struggled before realizing that Aelius was also being lifted. He let out a bellowing laugh, smiling towards me with his ever radiant smile and dimples to match. For a moment, before any of it all had the chance of crumbling away, I smiled too.
Notes:
Kudos, Comments, and until next time.
Chapter 6: Chapter 6
Summary:
Ren has finally caught the eye of someone who could ruin her entire life here at dauntless, is it worrying that she kind of wants him to?
Notes:
I'm struggling with how I want Ren to handle situations, but then when she's in them, they seem to handle themselves. Weird huh?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It’s far too early when a sharp noise wakes me from a less than restless night. A lot of groans and grumbling arise from the just as unhappy bunkmates. Just as I slide up across the thin mattress the once dark room brightens harshly causing even more to groan and has me trying to clear my vision,
“Everyone up, you have 15 minutes to be in the training room!” A harsh voice shouts from the stairs, I am the unfortunate soul being closest to the front to catch his eyes, “Don’t be late.” A not so vague warning. His departure causes us to scramble awake, just like the day before I am able to maneuver myself into a long sleeve and leggings. This time turning my back to Damians peering eyes. I still feel them however and try to shake the disgust. Once I am off my bed I am throwing up my hair when I catch the very low grumbles coming from beside me. I stare down at a very sluggish looking Aelius, focusing way too hard on tying his own shoe. He sits at the edge of his bed bent over. His hair is unruly as his curls seem to try and escape his own head. With a raised eyebrow I nudge his leg with my own, with another chain of grumbles he looks up at me.
“Wow, someone certainly isn’t a morning person,” I jest, tightening my ponytail. Without thinking I poke him between his pinched eyebrows. “Didn’t know you could look so mean,” I freeze, I can feel my face warming, and my ears burn. Aelius seems lost in his own confusion as well before a grin breaks out on his face. I quickly snatch my hand away as heat consumes my throat up.
“What was that?” He asks humor, lacing his tone, now looking wide awake and, are his eyes gleaming?
“Nothing.” I say curtly, turning and leaving the small space between the bunks. I almost curse when I hear footsteps follow shortly,
“Are you sure, it definitely seemed like something?” He continues to press coming up beside me, too close. A small group of us has formed now that we are ready. A glare has him effectively shutting up and raising his hands in surrender. It's not long after that we all are jogging up the stairs and to the training room.
It takes no time at all before we are thrown right into training. That morning we are taught how to stretch, mobility exercises before we start our run. He had also informed us of the training schedule we would be held to for about a week and a half. It consisted of training from 8-6 with lunch break between them. It’s all the information he gives us seconds before we start to run. I am not sure how long we ran for, it had felt like years. By the time we were finished the sun had risen and a lot of us were drenched in sweat. All of my muscles ached, but in particular my legs screamed at me as we had finally reached the compound again.
Once again Four moves quickly, handing each of us a gun and positioning us in front of wooden targets with rings. He only demonstrates the position once before releasing us. I had situated myself between Aelius and the candor girl from the night before– Maybelline– she had begrudgingly told the table.
It was at least an hour in by this point. Most of my shots ricocheted off the top of the board. Though a few landed on the outer rings of the head. The butt of the gun kept ramming into my shoulder after each shot. It was painful and irritating, Aelius was fairing about the same, though more of his shots actually landed on target even if it was the legs and arms. Maybelline however had only landed a handful of shots. Overall it seemed to be a hard subject for all of us in the shooting range. The slamming of a door caused all heads to swivel toward the entrance.
Sauntering in was Eric, looking like he wanted to send one of us to the front of the class and have a shot at practice for himself. Four merely shot him a glance before barking at us to continue. I wasted no time turning around not wanting to lock eyes with the gray eyed tyrant.
I had let off a few more rounds when seething heat radiated from behind me. Four although montoting had hardly come up to any of us, only those who were doing remarkably bad. The only other person it could be seemed to be the only option. Lady luck was kind of a bitch. My gun lowered but I kept my eyes forward when he spoke,
“I didn’t say to lower your weapon.” I could only help but tense, his tone was threatening. Like any moment he would pull me out of line and throw me to the factionless and it would not bother him in the slightest. His breath was warm as it fanned the top of my head. “Raise it!” He barked. I brought the gun back up quickly, resting it between where my shoulder and chest met. I stood stiffly, hoping a gust of wind didn't decide to blow me over as it very well could have.
“Shoot.” Without a second thought I tugged sharply on the trigger, unfortunately for me it was another ricochet off of the top. With a scoff he brought his leg in between mine. I could almost feel truly how much larger he was than me. With his foot hooked around my ankle and pulling my right foot further behind me. The angled position forced my knees to bend slightly. He brought his leg back but now in this position he was almost pressed against my back.
“You need to relax,” He gruffed, I had to physically restrain my scoff. Of course I just needed to relax with the 6’2 figure looming over my shoulder ready to shoot me himself. Apparently I wasn’t relaxed enough for him because a large hand snaked around the back of my throat. His Index and thumb pressing firmly into the pressure points I had learned about back in school. The reaction that followed was out of my control, my shoulders sagging and my breath hitching. Where his palm laid was on fire, shooting electricity down my spine, and I could feel every micromovement his hand made.
“Shoot.” I am too focused on where our skin meets, doing my damndest to try and ignore the firmness of his grip. Pulling the trigger again I watch the bullet, this time landing just inches from the bullseye.
Before I could revel in my victory he squeezes my throat. “Again,” his voice ghosts over the shell of my ear.
I take a shuddering breath. I am starting to become familiar with the feel of the trigger. And far too familiar with the heat radiating from the gigantic heater standing behind me. This time it was the third ring, but again I shifted my weight focusing on the center of the target. Letting loose three more bullets. All within the first ring, but no bullseye.
By the time the last bullet struck I was significantly colder than I had been moments ago, but the electricity lingered, racing across my skin. I turned and watched as he stalked behind each of the initiates who took to shooting again. He is nowhere near as close to them like he had been with me. Reaching up I rub my neck, but the lingering weight feels like a collar I can’t quite get off.
Though it may also be the eyes that lock with mine when I turn back around. Eyes like Aelius’s. I hated the look he gave me. Making something deep within my chest ache. With a small shake of my head, I hope he understands to just drop it. I am afraid he won’t when he glances over my shoulder, another look crossing his features. He doesn’t, instead he stares a moment longer before turning back to his target. I do the same but it is a solid minute before I can lift my weapon and begin shooting again.
By the time we had finished shooting, pain was all that radiated throughout my body, my shoulder was going to reap the consequences of my shooting form and I didn’t know how much longer my legs could carry me. The walk to the cafeteria was mostly silent, those who had enough energy to talk were mostly complaining. Except for Aelius who was almost immediately at my side when Four had yelled out about the time. Since then he had been talking to me about how weird holding a gun felt. Despite his fatigue and obvious worry his smile still stayed while he talked wildly with his hands.
I listened, mostly, as we followed the same routine from yesterday. I avoided most of the food sticking with an apple and two bottles of water. Except today Aelius slid a burger and fruit in front of me. Our table had stayed relatively the same, but I cannot focus on them. I am purely focused on the food and how grateful I am for the meal I hadn’t grabbed as I devoured my apple. Leaving the core on my tray and about to start on the burger.
“So she’s not above eating with us, wonder how long that will last.” A snide comment, cuts off Aelius’s still on going rambling which I had now tuned out of.
I look up from my food unsure of who the comment was for. That is until Leana, The Amity boy who looks widely uncomfortable and Aelius who’s cautious stare isn’t fixed on me. I follow his eyeline and am met with a glowering look. Maybelline who looks just as rough like the rest of us. Hazelnut hairs in different directions, and a shirt that now fits her. Her lips pull into a deep frown and she hasn’t touched anything on her.
“Who are you speaking to?” With a raised eyebrow I look over my shoulder. With a roll of her eyes, and an attitude that is really staring to piss me off.
“Oh ho, so eating with us is okay but talking,” She gestures to the table, all with varying levels of awkwardness. She points a finger at my chest, and bats her eyes sarcastically. “That’s off limits.” Her mocks in a voice one would use with a baby or toddler.
I am no longer hungry. Who the fuck does this girl think she is, an what is her problem. I stay silent dropping the untouched burger. Despite what was being said Aelius looked more anxious than I felt. Maybelline’s smirk isn’t one she tries to hide. But the girl is easily 140 pounds soaking wet. Even with no combat, I’m sure pulling her big ass forehead into the table would do the trick. Instead I take in a slow breath. I know she is trying to get under my skin, I know that, but even still, it’s working.
“Hey now- '' It's Leana now who tries to cut in, though trying to come to my aid is naturally in her nature. Her voice is unhelpful in this situation as the previous Candor pays her no mind at all. Instead continues to jab at an ever growing sore spot.
“What, don’t tell me you didn’t see Eric basically bend her over.” Her comment causes those around us to gasp and start to speak up.
I can see out of the corner of my eye Aelius’s awkward smile has disappeared as he audibly disagrees with her. Shoving away the completely ignored tray of food, the clattering is muffled to my ears. I am hot now, to the point of physical discomfort. The palms of my hands itch incessantly with the urge to break something, to break her. Reaching across the table I grab whatever fabric hangs off of her body. Though better fitting than yesterday's outfit the shirt is still big, giving me enough leverage to yank her across her own food. Istand to meet her in the middle where she doesn’t hesitate to wrap her smaller hands in my shirt as well,
“I think you’re forgetting where you are,” My voice sounds foreign to my own ears, but I can picture smoke seething out of my mouth. Her shirt wrapped up in my fingers isn't nearly enough, “so let me remind you-” I am expecting the pain of teeth cutting my hand. When it doesn’t come and all that registers is the hand that wraps all the way around my wrist. My hand is just inches from Maybelline's face, I know because I can feel the shuddering breathe on my fist.
Before anything else can happen an arm snakes around my waist and I am tugged away from the table. The hand lets go of me and instead stops the Candor from lunging at me. The same happens to Maybelline as we’re yanked apart from each other. It is Four who holds her back as she tries to wiggle out of his grasp. Now shouting and yelling that I was going to hit her. It wasn’t fair, blah, blah, blah. I however just glare as Aelius sets me down but placing his body squarely in front of my own.
“I don’t know if you two weren’t listening but fights are scheduled for tomorrow.” Four states irritatedly, cutting off the incessant babbling as he sets the girl down. He glares at both of us, his stare has its desired effect of making me want to shrink away. But I don’t regret for a second what I did, or what I was going to do. He looks between the both of us, with his mouth in a firm line,
“Both of you will meet in the training hall at 7 and get your running in earlier,” He growls. My shoulders sag as both of our eyes widen. Four just smirks humorlessly,
“Punishment, together.” Is his final statement before turning and disappearing into the crowd and from the cafeteria all together.
Maybelline just scoffs as she plops down again angrily shoving food into her mouth. I nudge Aelius to the side and sit as well, energy now drained knowing I have just put myself further on Fours shit list. No way in hell some Candor who couldn’t keep her mouth shut got me in trouble. Aelius sits down cautiously beside me, no one says a word with conversations ruined. As well as my food. It doesn’t matter, I've lost my appetite. No part of me wanted to even continue the day, is that really what people thought this morning. If the maybelline is the one who said it. Who else was thinking it?
The burn on my hand catches my attention, I’ve been scratching at it unintentionally. Tucking my hands under my legs I can’t help but look over my shoulder. I am unlucky enough to lock eyes with a calculating gaze. I can’t help the way my brow furrows which only deepens with the tiniest of smirks. Just as quickly as I’ve turned I am back facing my own table, trying to ignore the unsettling feeling that has taken root in my already knotted stomach.
It has only been one day and I’ve found myself in several situations of conflict. I may have not truly thought this decision all the way through. It doesn’t matter now, even if I have, there’s no leaving. Without thinking I slump into Aelius’s side, not really listening to the conversation he has started once again with Leana. He radiates a warmth and even if I am already warm enough, from the confrontation or this morning I’m not sure. He shifts slightly so I can tuck myself more comfortably into his side. I sigh and ignore the ever prominent death stare being sent across the table.
I stay plastered into Aelius the rest of the time. Even after we have gathered the food and trays, he feels like my anchor throughout the day. We all head back to the training room, Leana tries to get me in the conversation, I actively don’t participate and she gets the hint rather quickly. Once inside Four partnered us off and went over fighting patterns, style, and techniques. By the end of his demonstration not only did my body hurt but my brain.
We were left, or more thrown, to our own devices once he had finished with the order to pair up and do patterns one through three. Luckily it didn’t seem like his wrath had filtered over into this afternoon as I had been partnered with the Amity boy, Zach, who always stuck close to Leana. He stood much taller than me and 6’ unlike his counterpart he was much darker than Leana, tan like myself except he looked more sunkissed. The dots are easy to connect when he said he had mainly worked in the fields and with the horses. Wisps of light brown hair framed his face as it fell out a short pony, though the sides of his head were faded. He was strong when his arms hit mine, or when he landed a punch it always took me a minute before I could really retaliate. His eyes were in dark contrast with his hair, pools of brown flickered to every twitch I made. Though he didn’t really need to. He was bigger and built like a brick house, the best chance I had was avoiding getting hit. Though that put me in a strictly defense position and I could never win that way.
I was heaving as I hacked up my second lung, prior to this I had asked Zach to not hold back. I wouldn’t get anywhere with remorse. Which eventually led me to here on the ground on my hands and knees from an upper cut straight to my stomach. I waved him off as he approached, shakily getting back onto my feet.
“Look, you’re smaller than me, you can stay on defense but it won’t work out for you when we’re both exhausted and I land a hit.” Zach chastises. I nod shakily bringing my hands back up. He also crouches in his position before speaking to me again,
“Defense is your best tactic for someone larger, but to win you need the last hit.” he motions with his elbows towards his torso. “Aim here, try to make them focus on protecting their lower half, when they finally lower aim high.” I clench my shaky hands before grunting in acknowledgement before we go again.
Though after a solid miniature on the ground and a hand up from Zach. We take our respective spots on either side of the ring. He steps with his right, I had found a pattern in the last hour that we had been sparring. He would repeatedly step with his right when he intended to jab three times and then hook. It was a powerful combo created to unbalance his opponent by putting them in an immediate defensive mindset. However, being his partner I had learned to be on my toes. The only difference he threw in was what jab he started with.
This time he went with his left which means after his last jab he would right hook. So nimbly I weaved side to side. Instead of taking his advice though I had planned out what to do when he had started this particular pattern. The second his right shoulder tucked backwards his arm was swinging out. I ducked just milliseconds but sent my left hand just as I ducked. With a loud crack my fist connects with his jaw. His head shoots backwards, but his arm locks with mine. Using his backwards momentum I throw my shoulder into his and bring my front foot between his, sweeping his legs out from under him. He lands with a solid thud against the mat as he groans. I am quick to untangle myself from him before going for his throat. I wrap one arm around his throat in a chokehold as my legs hook under his arm. He gasps and writhes under my hold. Choking and gurgling as he claws at my calves, I don’t let go, only tightening my grip around him before two loud claps hit the mat. I don’t hesitate to finally release him, after the second smack hits the floor. As he curled away from me now being the one coughing up a lung a very familiar scoff alerts me to someone new.
My body reacts before I can, freezing in my current position. My skin prickles with the heat of his gaze, I know is currently planted on me. The fear in Zachs eyes confirms my worst fears and my skin alights with electricity once again,
“Get up.” He seems to have no trouble ordering me around, and I seem to have no trouble listening because I am stumbling to stand when I rise almost face to face with Eric.
His eyes hold no remorse and seem to swirl with an emotion I can’t seem to decipher. I want to step back, put as much distance between me and the predator that lays in wait before me as Maybelline’s words echo throughout my body. ‘ Eric basically bent her over’. Finally I bow my head, breaking the staring contest we had unintentionally entered. He is the first to take a step away only to shout,
“Last Jumper, in the ring!” I lift my gaze only to find Maybelline was stepping up into the ring. Her eyes find Eric and I now feet from each other but her glare and disgust show unremorsefully upon her face. I also catch Erics sneer towards her as well before his hateful gaze is targeted at me,
“Get in the ring.” This time I don’t move, all I can do is stare into his stoney gaze, eyes now brimming with venom.
This time he doesn’t repeat himself like he had this morning. Instead he takes a step towards me, his grip on my shoulder is just as unremorseful as his gaze. He shoves me forward, forcing me closer to the ring. With shaky legs I continue the journey on my own without any more of his help. No matter how angry I am with Maybelline, my fear of Eric is outweighing that. He stays close behind like an executioner walking his victim to the hanging tree. I try my best to figure out a way to win this, to beat her when I hadn’t even actually fought. My only real win had happened just moments ago, and judging off of Eric's disapproval I hadn't even really won. Just as I was about to step onto the worn black mat Eric's voice seemed to dig into me.
“Win.” I had to be hearing things as he breezed by me instead, going to stand on the other side of the mat. His eyes found mine again and the resolve seemed to only strengthen the command I was given.
I finally stood firmly on the mat, even if Eric had just told me to do something the uncertainty riddled throughout my body told me something else. There was no way I was coming out of this unscathed, especially after my comment earlier. Even if she was glaring at me, the small tremor in her legs gave her away, we both stand there for a moment unsure of what exactly is going to happen,
“You are both going to fight,” Eric answers the question we both seem to be having, and with a cross of his arms he also states, “winner is determined by knockout or if the other party is unable to continue.” This revelation has fear locking me up again, dragging me to the darkest pits of my mind with all that the statement leaves to be desired. A growl from Four seems that might not be true,
“That isn’t the rule,” He tries to disagree before Eric glares his way,
“It is now.” With that the conversation seems to die as Four keeps his mouth shut, a muscle in his jaw ticking incessantly with what I am only assuming is irritation at the young leader. Eric turns back to us with only a pierced raised eyebrow. We stand just a moment too long before Eric is shouting at us to begin.
Both of us immediately get into position. I am the first to start circling around the mat, I am unsure of how she fights. What her tactics or even her patterns, all of this has the anxiety sitting in the hollow of my stomach. It’s then that I remember, she doesn’t know anything either. Taking a deep breath I make my decision. Her eyes scatter around, looking for any form of movement at all. So I give it to her.
Fiening left, her eyes lock onto the left hook that I throw. There isn’t much power behind it, by design. She throws up both of her arms to protect her head, the same mistake I had made when Zach had used it the first time too . The punch connects with her arms but just as it does I am throwing my right fist into her stomach. She gasps. Successfully bringing her arms down. With that little trick from Zach giving me the upper hand I zero in on her exposed head. Without much thought I reach for her head, digging my fingers into her hair, yanking it down towards my knee. They connect with a dangerous crack echoing throughout the training room. A defying cry leaves Maybelline, as she topples backwards. She lands on her back with a thud and when she curls in on herself is when I see it. Blood. It pours from her nose and covers her hands as she reaches up. Her movements are shaky and uncoordinated as she tries to stop the bleeding. I sit and watch numbly as tears start to race down her face as well. She is heaving so hard she starts the gag, whimpering and crying. I take a step towards her, my movement is halted as she flinches so hard she nearly falls off the platform.
“ Finish it” I freeze, in an instant I am no longer standing in the training room.
It’s dark, I have a gun, it’s heavy in my blood soaked hands, but I raise it anyways. I’m aiming, and they're begging for their life. But that’s not where I am, no here there is no black figure, just Maybelline sobbing and softly begging. I stand above her, directly above her. This time it’s her hands, not mine, covered in blood. No; No, I can’t do this. I swivel on my heel,
“She is unable to continue.” My voice is weaker than I want it to be, but it still rings out in the silence that surrounds us. I hadn’t noticed but the rest of the initiates had gathered around to watch the fight. Now they watched with bated breaths as I stood my ground in front of the beaten girl.
“Excuse me?” He asked, in a dangerously calm tone. It takes the rest of my resolve to not back down from his piercing stare.
“You said if the other party was not able to continue,” I motioned to the sniffling girl who still mumbled to herself, “She is clearly unable to continue.” I expressed, trying to get him to understand. I am sorely mistaken when he unfolds his arms and quickly stalks up the mat directly in front of me. If I had thought we were face to face before, I was completely wrong. Now, his breath fanned across my cheeks as we stood nose to nose. I was completely ensnared by the contempt and anger that swirled in his cloudy eyes.
“I told you to finish it, Initiate.” His growl seemed to reverberate throughout my entire body, and yet I could only stare, “You will learn very quickly, when I give you an order, you follow it.” His voice is clipped. Emphasizing the last three words with a pause. He seemed as if he was about to explode when the tension that grew steadfast was interrupted.
“Eric!” Fours command does not go unheard as Eric whips his head in the opposite direction. “That’s enough!” Four dictates, potentially saving my life. I note that I should probably thank him later for that.
“I will decide when I am finished,” Eric snapped at our instructor. Turning back around his narrowed gaze, has me curling under his gaze before he stomps off of the mat. Four watches cautiously as Eric takes his place again off to the side before turning back to me,
“Take her to the infirmary,” He then shouts over his shoulder to where the Dauntless born are training. I turn around and struggle with the now half conscious girl who still continues to bleed. I have her leaning firmly against me when another person grabs her other arm and takes some of the weight. I look over to find it is the Dauntless boy I had followed days ago. One who came and went with no mention of his name.
“I’ll have Callin show you the way,” Four states, clearly meaning the boy beside me. I only nod, now afraid of my own voice betraying me.
I keep my eyes downcasted, sparing just a glance at the daunting leader glaring daggers into the furthest wall. I don’t know which is worse, when the look is directed at me or when it isn’t. With a shaky breath me and Callin are off. It takes a moment to find our rhythm as we basically had to drag Maybelline’s feet across the floor, both of us distributing her weight between us. It was silent for the most part except when Callin would direct me to turn or follow. It must have been as uncomfortable as it felt because the boy soon speaks up,
“Seems like you did a number on this girl,” I know he is trying to make a joke, but I’ve been actively avoiding looking at Maybelline because of that very reason. I couldn’t even blame this on being in Dauntless, this was my fault.
“Yeah, I guess,” I mumble. “I don’t actually know why…” I trailed off, unsure as to why I had kept speaking. Though all he did was huff unbelievingly,
“You sure about that?” He questions, “You guys seemed to be going for each other in the cafeteria, looks like you just needed to blow off some steam.” He is nonchalant.
I envy him for a moment, this just seemed so easy for him, to talk about the girl I had just beaten unconscious. Like we weren’t carrying her to the infirmary, covered in her own blood because of something I had done, to joke and kid about it knowing she couldn’t hear it.
“We had a disagreement,” I muttered, not convincing enough because he actually chuckles and sarcastically adds,
“It looks like you disagreed with her existence.” When I don’t laugh he goes quiet again, a pregnant pause carries on between us. One I have no intention of breaking, I regret wishing he would talk, this is far worse than the silence we had currently fallen back into.
Maybelline’s dead weight makes me feel all that heavier, I really hadn’t held back. My hands throbbed with the reminder of what hitting someone actually felt like. Questions raced through my head. Why did I attack so hard, why had Eric been so insistent on the fight, why did I stop . The last one makes me falter. No, there was no need for this to happen, it is our first day for christ's sake. I try to subtly take a deep breath as a wave of nausea washes over me. It didn’t help that Eric had singled me out again, it might as well laid claim that what Maybelline was saying is true. Though he wasn’t nearly as helpful as he had been this morning, even then he wasn’t that helpful. He had just manhandled me into a better shooting position. Memories from this morning cause me to stumble, I mumble a short apology to Callin who gives a worried look but continues on anyway. The memory of his hand on my neck, standing closer than he probably needed to. It is warmer than it should be in the underground tunnel now. The memories don’t linger for too long. I am reminded of what we are doing when we take our last turn and enter what looks like a large medical ward. Beds lined each of the walls, a few already occupied. Curtains blocked off most of the beds and medical equipment scattered throughout the room. A lady approaches from the other side of the room, she is shorter than I am with a bright pink pixie cut. Even with the colored hair she is the most normal looking Dauntless I’ve seen to date. This time I am thankful for Callin to take the lead as he recounts the events from this evening.
“Wow, wonder what the other guy looks like,” She comments just like Callin trying to make light of the situation, turning and gesturing to follow towards a bed to set Maybelline down. It takes us a couple tries to finally settle Maybelline onto the bed, I try to keep her blood soaked hands off of the white sheets when the nurse waves me off.
“I’m the other guy,” I admit softly stepping back from the bed, unable to tear my gaze from the unconscious girl. The nurse barely spares me a glance, now examining Maybelline.
“Oh, don’t worry honey, this is minor compared to what I’ve seen before.” she quips, throwing away the gloves she had put on to wipe away the blood that had dried on Maybelline's face and throat. I can’t tear my gaze from the bloodied hands on either side of the bed. Her reassurance doesn’t make me feel any less uneasy. She turns to speak again when her mouth forms a thin line and her gaze lands over my shoulder. The same prickle starts in my hands, and I can feel my heart rate speed up. This can’t be happening,
“Eric,” The name sounds like a cannon in my ears, “What can I do for you?” Callin shuffles closer to me as the intimidating energy seems to get to him as well.
“Lex,” it’s a short greeting, “I need the status of this initiate.” He replied, sounding bored, but now I am also interested to know the state that I put Maybelline in. Lex props her hands on her hips. For just a second I am envious at how easily she is able to speak to him,
“Minor concussion, no broken nose but it will swell for the next couple of days and you know minor bruising.” She shrugs like the assessment really wasn’t anything at all. “I’d keep her from sparring tomorrow, I’ll give her some medication that should get rid of the concussion within the day but just to be safe. I’m also gonna keep her and stick her up to an IV. She needs liquids after the blood loss.” The mention of blood loss makes me cringe. Eric only huffs,
“Initiate you are dismissed, Lauren has requested you back in the training room.” Eric states. I turn only to see Callin nod his head before he turns to me. With a sympathetic smile he squeezes my shoulder,
“Take it easy,” He mumbles before he swiftly makes his way out of the room, walking just a bit faster as he makes his way past Eric. The aforementioned man smirks with a dark gaze as his eyes follow the boy. Dread sets in my bones as they snap back to me. With a nod of his head he turns,
“With me initiate,” he orders stalking out of the room. I take a quick glance back at the unconscious girl when Lex just hums.
“She’ll be fine honey, go on before he puts you here too.” Her comment makes me feel a thousand times worse but there is nothing I can do about it right now.
On a jog, I make my way out of the room and try to catch up with Eric who is halfway down the hall at this point. I slow as I come up behind him, unsure on whether or not I am actually allowed to stand beside him. It's then that I remember he is not my mother, those rules aren’t in place here. So cautiously I fall in step beside him. We say nothing for a moment, just the sounds of our footsteps echo through the empty halls. Each glance that I take at Eric I become more unsure if he is still angry with me. Or if he was even angry at me to begin with. As we walk I am filled with nerves, he is completely silent and has refused to look at me since we left Maybelline. Our argument replays in my head, picking apart every little detail to try and figure out what exactly he was doing here. Why he needed me, if I was actually going to end up in the infirmary after this, like Lex had warned.
It is not until we return to the training room that I finally get answers. It’s empty, completely devoid of anyone. He had lied, Lauren, nor anyone else had been in the training room. This realization caused the pit in my stomach to worsen. I glance around the room when I am yanked forward.
Eric has a punishing grip on my upper arm before I am able to speak, now striding purposefully towards the sparring mat. A yelp escapes as I trip over myself trying to keep up, but it doesn’t matter when I tumble Eric just pulls me to my feet like I weigh nothing. I wince but try not to tug against his arm as it only causes his grip to tighten painfully. I am not given any time before he throws me onto the mat. Pain throbs throughout my arm as I scramble to my feet. I am breathing heavily now, fear courses through my veins. He has thrown me towards what I have been avoiding, just inches from the dried blood that lingers. The feeling only escalates as I hear the thud of boots signaling that Eric entered the ring.
I try to turn away from it. Ducking my head off to the side. When again, there is a threatening grip encapsulating the back of my throat. I try to stifle a gasp, but I am sure he can feel it even if he didn’t hear it. His grip this time isn’t as punishing, but it is still firm enough to warn me that he could start squeezing at any moment. He keeps my head forward, forcing me to stare at the puddle of blood. My heartbeat roars in my ears, I can only gather shorts, gasps of air and the tremor in my hands returns. It’s then that I feel him, just like the fire that radiated from this morning he just seemed to burn hotter as he was almost firmly pressed to my back.
“You didn’t finish her off, why?” He hissed unlike this morning he wasn’t gentle, he wasn’t helpful, his lips were also grazing the shell of my ear. I was sure that if he couldn’t hear my heartbeat currently then he could surely see it pounding through my chest.
“I don’t know,” I whisper so lowly I am surprised I hear it myself. A threatening squeeze causes me to choke for a moment,
“Speak up!” He barks into my ear, causing me to wince. From my peripheral vision I can just barely see his teeth bared in a sneer,
“I don’t know,” I state, staring remorsefully at the drying blood, when my air flow is cut off.
Eric’s hand circles my throat and is now fully enclosed around my throat. Instinctively I reach for my throat clawing at his hand, trying to pry each of his fingers off. It’s no use, I can feel where his thumb and middle finger barely touch but his grip is punishing. Was he actually going to kill me, all because I showed mercy. I try to find the correct answer. There has to be one, with my failing vision I blurt out what I can with limited air.
“I W-won!” It is no sooner that the words leave when he releases his grip, the air trying to leave and come back clash in my throat causing me to cough up what feels like both lungs, I can feel my legs give beneath me, but I do not make contact with the floor. Instead I am pulled back by an arm around my waist, my back now flush with his chest as I try to regain my composure, the fear and anxiety still courings through my veins.
“What was that?” Eric asks coolily, like he hadn’t just intended to choke me out seconds prior, but this time I don’t make the mistake of making him wait,
“I won,” I wheezed, my hand going to soothe the ache in my throat, “Before the match you told me to win, I did. She was unable to continue, I followed–” I stopped short of the word. The one he had used earlier. It felt like it held so much weight. I couldn’t give it to him. His arm seemed to tighten around my waist and for a moment I fear I won’t make it out of the training room alive. Instead He lets out a humorless chuckle. Mouth coming back to graze the shell of my ear once again, his breath sending electricity down my spine,
“Careful,” It’s a threat and a promise intertwined, and it’s one I am unable to separate in my head as my mind goes fuzzy. His arm releases me as he steps back, “You are dismissed.” With a dulled gratefulness I duck my head hoping he doesn’t notice the burning heat I feel coming up my throat and into my ears. Without a word, and with the burning stare on my back I scurry quickly out of the room.
Notes:
Kudos, Comments, and until next time!
Chapter 7: Chapter 7
Summary:
Ren isn't the easiest person to get along with, let's see why. Despite that relationships seem to blossom, and cracks begin to form.
Notes:
This was actually a fun chapter to write as I got to explore the types of relationships Ren might get to have.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It’s still a strange sight to see a plate of food ready for me when I sit down at the dining table, today Aelius has grabbed me, what he was very excited to learn about, spaghetti. It’s a visibly full plate, one that makes the uncomfortable feelings in my hands linger even after Aelius has offered to help me sit at the table. Maybe it was my previous encounter, or even the fatigue finally catching up to me, but I take his outstretched hand. It’s softer than I would have imagined it would be, unlike mine which are calloused and tearing. His seem to be healing just fine even after today's training, though I can feel where the broken skin starts and needs to harden. Once I am sat fully I slip my hand from his and set it in my lap, this doesn’t seem to bother Aelius. I can only imagine it’s because our arms still seem to skim past each other when he goes to eat.
“Congratulations, you seem to learn fast,” I have barely poked at my food when a familiar voice catches my attention. It’s Zach who spoke, he flashes me and grin. Sitting across from me, already halfway finished with his food.
“However, I did always take Erudite for the cruel and uncaring type,”
I can feel the disbelief cross my face, am I the only one not adapting fast enough for this fucking group. I am too slow to tell him about the art of fucking off because Aelius smartly speaks up before me.
“How is Maybelline?” Aelius asks,Changing the subject smoothly and also pulling my attention from the dark skinned boy. Who I very much want to throttle.
Instead I clear my throat and shrug, almost forgetting that I had lied about where I had been. Accounting for the lost time between the end of sparring and the start of dinner with a trip to the infirmary. Keeping the encounter with Eric to myself, conving some part of my brain that whatever happened was a normal exchange. Not one that had me almost shaking and lit up my skin.
“Unconscious,” I mumble, taking a bite of the food to hopefully discourage any more questions.
What I don’t expect is for Zach to laugh. Leana, who sits right next to him instead of beside Aelius like she had earlier, had rightfully gasped at my nonchalance and slapped Zach across the arm. He only waves her off and Aelius lets out a strained chuckle of his own, shifting slightly so now the slight contact we had was no more.
“I mean I can’t really blame you, after what happened at lunch, can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same,” Zach shrugs, taking another large bite of his food.
Even though Leana glares at him she looks past Aelius towards me, “She did sort of provoke you first,” chewing on her bottom lip, “What she said was uncalled for.” She says sympathetically, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.
Despite the slight twinge of humor I had felt when Zach had made the joke, I shoot Aelius a worried look. It seems childish, but since we had been here never once had it been Aelius who had cut off the physical contact between us. I wonder if he feels the same gnawing in his chest after watching me fight. He merely rocks into me a little before turning back to his food but this time, keeping his distance. I resist the urge that surges through me to scoot closer to him. Despite only knowing him for a couple of days, his constant reassurance through physical touch; something I had never gotten, now not having it made my skin itch with irritation. The metal table feels colder, I can’t stop the shiver that runs through me and my long sleeve, still damp, doesn’t help.
I shift uncomfortably, too aware of the harsh seating but more importantly wishing I could know what he was thinking. Itching my palm hoping it would make the sharp tingles fade. For some reason the idea of Aelius thinking poorly of me makes me want to wretch. I nudged the plate that I had hardly touched aside, losing my appetite. It was probably cold now anyways, plus I had already eaten an orange. Which now felt more filling than anything else.
The sound of metal on metal makes me flinch. Though that isn’t the only surprise, what really has my attention is the arm that lays across me and pulls the discarded tray back in front of me. Following the hand as it retracted, it shouldn’t shock me as much as it does that it is Aelius who, despite lacking his cheerful demeanor tilts his head towards my plate. He avoids eye contact but the simple gesture frustratingly eases the knot in my chest. I still feel heavy but this, this I could deal with it. Picking up another forkful I turn back to Zach. Who seems to be passionately speaking with Leana. Forgetting our conversation, or more accurately ignoring Aelius and I’s weird interaction. Frankly I don’t blame them.
“No way he has to be Dauntless born, look at him!” Leana glares at the table, like she is trying to convince herself and the inanimate object. Zach only shakes his head.
“No way! That kind of cockiness only comes from transfers, ergo Damian.” Zach motions a few tables behind us where Damian leans across the table flirting with some Dauntless girl who looks way too uninterested. I almost feel bad, but not enough to save her. Turning back to my own table.
“Who are we talking about?” I ask, intervening in their little argument while taking another bite of my food.
“Eric” “Eric” They answer in unison, the unexpected name makes me inhale sharply promptly causing me to choke on the noodle I had not chewed. A clap on my back forces the noodle loose. I shoot Aelius a grateful look as he rubs my back once I am breathing again.
“W-” A cough interrupts my breathing again, “W-what brought up this conversation?” I ask, still trying to catch my breath from my attempted murderer.
“We were trying to figure out if he’s a transfer or not, I mean he’s too much of an asshole to really come from any other faction.” Leana states glaring behind me.
I glance over my shoulder, sure enough I spot the gleam that shines off of the two piercings right above the leader's eyebrow. He looks bored, maybe even slightly irritated despite the men around him laughing and throwing themselves into each other. His arms are crossed in a shirt that is unfairly too tight. Glancing back up, our eyes connect and I swivel my head my ears burn with embarrassment,
“I think he knows we’re talking about him,” I mutter, not taking my eyes off of the table as Zach ruffles my hair from across the table.
“No way, you just happen to be the unluckiest person in the room.” I groan, sulking into myself.
Maybe he’s right, but Before I can respond or even contemplate my unideal situations Leana claps her hands together,
“I know! Let’s go shopping!” She says it like it’s the most brilliant idea someone ever had. After the evening I’ve already had I want to sneer but Aelius and Zach give awkward chuckles. I side eye them hard.
“Aelius and I were actually going to get tattoos,”
Zach states sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. I can’t help the way my jaw drops a little. I stare at the side of Aelius’s head. This curly headed, dimple cheeked, prior Abnegation boy, was going to get a tattoo. I let my eyes roam across his exposed arms, as hard as I tried, I just couldn’t picture it. None of the tattoos I had seen, which was limited, could I ever see tainting Aelius’s skin. My imagination is cut short.
“Well they're in the same place after all, let’s get out of here before Ren becomes anyone else’s target.” Leana shrugs and is already up and grabbing her tray before the sarcastic comment that lays on my tongue can slip out. Which seems to be the theme of the night, let’s interrupt Ren, that seems like a perfect idea.
Begrudgingly I grab my half full tray and follow the little group as we make our way out. Mockingly Leana secretly the entire way. It’s a short walk to the pit from the cafeteria, but not short enough because Leana just seems to keep talking. Her irritating voice bounces off the echoey stone walls, Zach participates in her ramblings and every once in a while so does Aelius. Though he and I mostly stay quiet throughout the walk, the only sign that he’s coming back to himself, or to me, is the slight contact our arms make when we walk every once in a while. It’s a comfort I selfishly take for granted, and one I will continue to take I’ve decided.
It’s easy to tell once we hit the pit, chatter and laughter seem to come from every angle as people walk to and from stores. People wear mostly black with splashes of color, mostly through ink, hair, or piercings. It is overwhelming the amount of energy that is created and I am not the only one to feel it. Pairs of people seem to be brawling in the very center of the pit with others cheering them on. Despite the crowded area and electricity that is almost palpable I smirk but am brought back by Leana who had been leading the group swiveling on her heel to face the three of us.
“Alright boys, tattoos?” She asks, Zach throws an arm around Aelius’s shoulder saluting Leana before basically dragging Aelius off. The hazel eyed boy sends me an apologetic look as a hand grasps my wrist and pulls me in the opposite direction. I barely manage a glare before he disappears and I am stumbling onto my feet,
“Alright, girl time! I was starting to think I’d never get to talk to you without Aelius around,” Leana giggles.
The way she says Aelius’s name makes me want to crawl out of my skin, it’s too sweet and honey coated. Instead I pull my wrist from her grasp and cross my arms shrugging. Already praying she drops this conversation,
“I mean isn’t it the same with you and Zach?” I ask, as she herds me into what looks like an athletics store.
It’s dark just like every other corner of this compound, but surrounding us are workout shirts, pants, leggings, shorts, tank tops. Racks cover the limited space and sweatshirts hang from the walls. It is a very busy looking store. The lighting here is just as dim as the hallways we walk through. Dauntless, although a rowdy crowd, must love to appear mysterious. The stark change in color from Erudite where everything needed to be seen and here where everything is hidden is not as hard as I thought it would be. One thing I can thank my mother for.
The thought of her has me reaching for my shoulder, the small cuts are scabbed over by now. But they still burn, as does every littered scar on my arms. Pulling my hand down I step further into the store.
“I mean I guess, but me and Zach come from the same faction” Her voice isn’t as grating as she looks through the t-shirts, all in different shades of black but varying in length.
I keep my arms folded instead eyeing the tank tops and long sleeves a couple of feet over. It wouldn’t hurt to have other options, there’s no knowing what the weather would do underground. I step away still only looking at the different shirts.
“I thought you were closer than that?” I ask distractedly while she picks up a few crop tops.
“What do you mean?” She asks, stepping closer to the other displays,
“I mean, he follows you around like a boy in love. Just assumed you guys were more,” I admit now fully wandering over to the clothing I wanted to look at.
A couple of watches in an open display grab my attention, the reminder that I would need to be up before the others hit me like a train. I grab one for the alarm. The sputtering of laughter, makes me glance over my shoulder Leana shakes her head as she tosses me a wide smile over a rack she still mindlessly flips through, she has to be standing on the tips of her toes.
“No, nothing like that. Zach actually had himself a girlfriend back home–”
“You mean Amity,” I interject while surveying the room for anyone listening. She clears her throat and sends me an appreciative glance,
“Yeah, Amity. Though from what I heard they broke things off before the choosing ceremony. Zach had already made his decision, and Lily definitely wouldn’t follow.” It feels weird talking like this, pulling clothing from the racks and talking, gossiping.
I hadn’t ever done anything like this with my mother, and school friends were strictly that. People I had at school. Thinking back on it, I pull a cropped long sleeve before putting it back, I have only ever gone grocery shopping. Whenever new clothes came, they were always pre picked by my mother. Pressed to perfection and suffocating.
“Did you have someone?” I ask, the question felt natural in a conversation like this. Now really looking at the clothing and deciding whether I wanted anything for myself.
Leana hummed,
“No not really, I mean I was interested for sure but no one was interesting enough for me to want to stay,” She laughed, but her statement made me halt.
No one was interesting enough? The image of Aelius popped up, Aelius and Leana. She had put herself next to him from the second after the jump. Only moments after screaming for her lost friend. Another halting thought, she hasn’t ever talked about the girl they lost. Her or Zach. I stared at the clothing stall of folded clothes realizing I had stopped shopping. Surely I had to be mistaken, but nonetheless I keep my ears peeled.
“What about you Ren, anyone special in your life?” Leana fawned coming over to me, stacks of clothing in her arms, as she peered at my couple of items. Turning to her I shook my head,
“No, relationships aren’t really a priority until after initiation back in Erudite. Everyones too busy studying to make sure they actually stay in the faction.” I admit to her, plus I hadn’t even really had any friends let alone anyone who wanted to be in a relationship with me.
Not that I would ever let her know that. Leana giggles walking past me towards the counter at the front. I guess she was done, I guess that means I’m done too. While we walk I can’t help but stare at her back, something unsettling digging itself deeper. She is first to the front laying all of her clothes haphazardly onto the top, not turning when she speaks to me,
“You know for you being a transfer I forget your from Erudite,” She states picking through the clothing as it is scanned. “Reminds me of Eric.”
I freeze, glaring daggers into the back of her head hoping she can feel the disdain I know I radiate. Despite her home faction being Amity, and Zach’s, they are a ruthless pair. Maybe Amity isn’t as dimwitted as the factions make them out to be. Or maybe the serum really does just keep this side of their personality deterred.
“What.” My tone is just as dark as the room and it is clearly not a question that leaves my mouth,
Now I am no longer distracted and for her safety do not move forward even as she steps aside grabbing her bag. She still has yet to look at me waving her hands in front of her, obscuring her face from me.
“Oh gosh that came out all wrong! I mean to say you seem like a natural born dauntless.” Her eyes meet mine and despite the innocent tone she didn't look remorseful.
I finally step up and place my things on the counter, but my gaze does not stray from hers. I have to blame the lighting but her hair, her eyes, she looks darker here. Not the light auburn, and green eyes I had seen puffy and red on the rooftop days ago.
“If I didn’t know any better, I really would mistake you for a dauntless born!” She tried to recover with apologetic eyes.
With one last glare I give my information to the lady who’s been watching our whole interaction with a smirk on her face. I give her a quick thanks, before turning back to Leana. Just when I thought things were going well, she opens her big fucking mouth. I steam quietly beside her, and she seems to feel it this time as she places a soft hand on my shoulder just outside the store. It takes everything in me not to bite her hand off, instead I just tense turning towards her. Pointedly looking at the hand that still lingers on my clothes.
“I really am sorry, Ren. I didn’t mean to insult you.” She apologizes, retracting her hand but still facing me. I shrug and instead try to search the crowd for the boys.
“It’s whatever, Leana. I would mistake you for Candor anyways.” I snark, Leana only laughs taking my jab as a joke.
“See that’s what I’m talking about, you are so quick with it. I mean now I see where the Erudite lies.” I only nod half listening to whatever it is she is saying, for as much fun as I was having, I yearned to find others so I wouldn’t have to listen any longer. I nod towards where we had come from,
“Come on, I wanna try and find the boys,” I mutter starting to walk off before she can get another word out.
It is a lost cause trying to lose her in the crowd, when I hear fast footsteps behind me with small apologies I can’t help but roll my eyes. I can’t tell whether the sweet stupid Amity personality is an act or not. My speed picks up unintentionally thinking about it, I try to think back to our first encounter but am interrupted.
“Wait, so what about you and Aelius?” She asks with a huff when she finds herself by my side, I only spare her a glance.
“What about me and Aelius?” I mutter, severely not in the mood anymore.
Here she goes again with this topic. Noting her seemingly hyper fixation on Aelius, and the non relationship we have. I chew on the inside of my cheek, that’s not necessarily true, whatever was going on we were together, even before the test really.
“We’ll,” she drawls, “ever since the train he’s been stuck to your side like a horse to an apple.” I give her a confused look, that’s a specific metaphor. Rolling my eyes,
“Your Amity is showing,” I point out, “look I don’t know what you want me to say.” I state, trying to avoid the topic all together.
I didn’t even know what me and Aelius were. What we had happened out of necessity, a need for survival. It just so happened that we shared a moment of weakness with each other before our fateful meet up at the train. I don’t remember when I had started looking down, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. What was I doing here, how did I end up trapped underground with all these people. Maybe Rory lied to me, what if my test wasn’t Dauntless and I die down here, or worse end up factionless and all alone.
“I’m not even sure we are friends,” I wrap my arms around myself as the admission slips past freely.
I force my legs to keep walking to ignore the horror and embarrassment that creeps up my spine. I curse myself quietly as soon as the mistake happens, hating the honesty that I had provided distractedly. I only catch what looks like to be a shark toothed grin before she races off before me,
“Well why don’t we ask him!”
Looking up, the red locks disappear behind the sea of black. Dread pools under my tongue like tar. Frantically I search between the endless sea of people, it takes me a few agonizing moments but then I spot the two boys. The overwhelming feelings are halted when Zach comes into view. Two little studs shine on his ears as he shows them off to a fawning Leana. My gaze shifts from the two of them to curly head standing off to the side. Aelius just chuckles along at whatever it is Zach says before his eyes catch mine. Finally seeing him my shoulders slump ever so little and I finally feel at ease when he sends me a goofy grin. Both of us meeting in the middle as I make my way over.
“So what do you get?” He asks, trying to peek into the black bag I was given in the store. I hand it to him without a thought and let him take a look,
“Nothing really, just workout attire,” he hums, shaking the bag a little before closing it and putting it in one hand.
Doing a once over, I can’t seem to find anything out of place. Despite his relaxed demeanor and him speaking to me in full sentences again I don’t see the tattoo he was claiming to go get. He laughs and cocks his head to the side, letting his hand fall to his side with my bag in tow.
“Whatcha lookin for?” He teases, and if I didn’t know better, a gleam in his eyes.
I only huff as I circle around him just for show. But secretly really am looking for anything that will give me a hint as to where the tattoo lies. When I come back in front of him I can’t help but grin at him.
“Come on, what did you do?” I ask crossing my arms “Don't tell me you are still that selfless?” I jab, he fakes a hurt expression.
Zach and Leana come up beside him and I can’t help the disappointment I feel now that it’s not just Aelius and I.
“Come on man, show them your new ink!” Zach encourages and Leana claps excitedly with a squeal, “Yes please!” and as much as I want to shoot her a dirty look I am stunned when Aelius lifts up his shirt.
With a flick of his wrist I am breathless. There in between his ribs just under his sternum lies half a man. For a second it reminds me of the black shadowy figure from my sims, no real facial features but anyone can tell you he looks like he is struggling. Half of his torso is out as is his chest, but his arms are only halfway showing cut off at the elbow. As if he is trying to pull himself from inside Aelius. My hand twitches to reach up and skim the artwork. It is a beautiful piece and it has my head swirling with questions.
All I can manage is a soft “wow.” He drops his shirt, a pink tint makes its way across his checks. He runs the back of his neck bashfully,
“Thanks, you know I wanted to get something that meant a lot to me.” I want to ask the obvious question but Zach cuts me off by motioning to his pierced ears.
“Uh what about me,” he exclaims. I only roll my eyes before telling him they look nice. But my mind still lingers on the art work that is now hidden. Though that changes when Leana leans in between me and Aelius turning up to look at him I can’t see her expression but I am damn sure that she is batting her eyelashes.
“Aelius, are you and Ren friends?” I give the back of her head an incredulous look.
She actually asked him, and it makes me want to lunge at her. But the horror and embarrassment flood back tenfold. The only thing stopping me from making her regret ever coming to Dauntless is when Aelius just cocks his head and with another stupid grin says,
“Of course, why wouldn’t we be?” His gaze shifts towards me and I can feel my ears go ablaze once again.
I pull my eyes from his and instead find the most interesting crack in the pavement below us. Oh would you look at that it goes off in several different directions, fun. Chewing on my cheek the violent urges feel more like a deep desire to crawl into the first hole I find and never return. Thank god for Zach when he breaks the tension by pulling Lena into his side and clapping Aelius on the shoulder.
“Well I don’t know about you guys, but I’m exhausted, let’s head back!” And seemingly like nothing happened we all agree and start our trek back to the dorms.
—
It’s late now, that’s all I am able to decipher but we are the last few back in the room. Leana is quick to find her bunk going off saying she needs a shower and Zach offers to stand watch. Even though the thought of a shower sounds refreshing I don’t bother. Aelius and I walk back to our bunks and while I grab my clothing the looming fact that I will have to be up even earlier to start my punishment weighs heavily on me. Climbing up I glare at the snoring bear below me who is dead to the world. I turn my back to Aelius and while getting changed I can’t help but want to talk to him. Feeling as if our early conversation was cut short. He must feel the same because a soft whisper comes from below.
“Ren? You awake?” I roll my eyes and waste no time hopping off of my bunk. The concrete is cold on my feet when I land. So instead of standing I make the decision to hop on the end of his bunk. Tucking my feet under myself is easy when he is sitting cross legged on the other end. He looks startled for only a moment before grinning. “Sorry didn’t want to wake you if you had already fallen asleep.” He says sheepishly.
I only shrug, unsure of what to actually say to him. Damn Leana for putting us in an awkward situation. This was certainly not a conversation I was even ready to think about, let alone have. But to hell with her if I wasn’t going to have it.
“Can I-” “Are we-“ Both of us start to talk, I pause and he does too.
The crease in his eyebrows leaves when he chuckles causing me to grin as well. There goes my confident start. With a wave of his hand and a raised eyebrow says
“Ladies first,” I only roll my eyes. My hands now find themselves interlocked as I try to find the words I wanted to use. I could feel the embarrassment going to my ears as I mumbled the question.
“Pardon?” He asks, leaning closer. With a small groan I tilt my head this time and speak just a tad louder.
“Can I see your tattoo, again?”
A pregnant pause falls over us, Aelius with wide eyes stares at me like I have sprouted two heads. I want to take it back when he doesn’t say anything, it was a stupid request anyways. Aelius’s face is bright red which adds to my regret. He tries to utter a sentence but he only sputters, cutting himself off with a breath and then just nodding.
He lifts his shirt but doesn’t stop this time, instead he tugs it off fully, and I can’t help but stare at the black and gray artistry. It moves with each shaky breath and I can’t stop myself from noticing the quick rise and fall of his chest. This time, staring at it, I can’t help when my hand comes up. I shift so I am further on the bed, my legs move under me as I admire the way the ink sits. I am conflicted, despite the beautiful work and the obvious symbolism I can’t help but feel as if he tainted now. A blank canvas splattered with black paint, it will never be the same no matter what. Maybe that was all of us at this point. My fingers trace around the edges of the man, Aelius sharply inhales as goosebumps break out across his skin. He is warm, like a furnace and I can only imagine what my fingers feel like. Constantly freezing despite my long attire. I try to mumble an apology but I am not sure he hears it. It’s a long moment before I ask,
“You said it meant something to you?” Aelius catches my wandering touch with his hand, and just like his sternum, his palm that is big enough to hold my whole wrist is warm too..
“You got to ask yours, now it’s my turn,” dumbly I nod looking up only to be caught in his hazel eyes that keep me frozen.
“Are we friends?” The question catches me off guard. Hadn’t we already had this talk?
I try to pull my hand back which only causes him to tighten his grip, instead of letting my hand curl away he places it over his tattoo. My heart jumps into my throat and I curse my past self for not just going to sleep. Factions know I would need it in the morning. Instead I focus on the rise and fall of his chest trying to catch anyone of my racing thoughts. I can’t stop the sigh that escapes and avert my gaze, for a moment I don’t know how to answer. I think back to this afternoon, about what Leana had said. More importantly what I had said.
“I’ve never had a friend,” I admit softly, “I’m not sure I’m the best option.” I try to joke but it comes out pathetic and soft. Aelius doesn’t make me feel anymore alienated by joking or trying to,
“We’ll I’m out of options,” trying to make light of this very awkward situation. Though that doesn’t stop the soft smile that now adorns his face, “guess I’m stuck with you.” His hand glides from my wrist to my open palm still resting over his art, over him. His fingers slide in place between my own and once again I am left speechless.
We stay this way without breaking the fragile bubble we’ve created for ourselves and just as I had the day prior I return his smile. He slips his hand from mine and I retract my palm, just like that the moment starts to fizzle and a tingle starts in my chest. I am not given the chance to escape his bunk, when his hand reaches up and pokes me in between my eyebrows. Just as I had done this morning, which thinking back now feels like a lifetime ago, if the heaviness in my limbs was anything to go off of my body felt the same. But that didn’t stop the easing of my shoulders as Aelius retracts his hand and grins at me.
“Guess you are.” I murmur. Going back to our previous conversation where he basically told me I was stuck with him. My lips tilt up in another small smile before I clamber off his head and back up into my own. No other words are exchanged as I burrow myself under my covers. Instead of electricity all I feel is fuzzy. I am not sure which one is worse. As I drift off, thunder clouds and hazel fields haunt my dreams that night.
Notes:
Kudos, Comments, and until next time.
Chapter 8: Chapter 8
Summary:
Who doesn't love forced bonding time?
Notes:
First and foremost, I wanted to say I'M SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT, I went back to my home state for a whole week and had to go MIA for safety reasons. So I couldn't really write. However, I kind of have a longer chapter for you guys though it is rushed and I'm so sorry. It is also not beta read and I just threw it out here for a New Year's Eve gift for you all.
I will probably come back and add more to Cody and Rens interaction since it feels forced and choppy but for right now this is what yall get. Happy New Year and y'all stay safe.
**Update: I have updated this chapter, nothing super important but I like how it ended better, for those reading now it should flow easier
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
If yesterday had felt too early then this morning felt like the beginning of time itself. It isn’t the sound of metal that wakes me this time. Instead it is the incessant ringing coming from my watch. Turning it off I stare at the cement ceiling, assessing the stiffness in each of my limbs. It is just a minute or two when I struggle to get out of bed quietly, after receiving a garbled insult from Damian below me. With a roll of my eyes I change quickly while those around me slept soundly. I envied them and regretted giving into Maybelline's antics yesterday. I don’t have time to dwell, wasting enough time throwing on a pair of shorts and another long sleeve.
Once I am done I hope out of the top bunk half haphazardly fixing the blanket. I only spare a glance at the tornado that happened to be Aelius and his sheets. The memories of last night still fresh in my mind bring a wave of heat to my ears, I merely shake my head with a grin before sneaking out. Jogging through the halls I have yet to run into the aforementioned Maybelline. She wasn’t in the dorm last night and still not there this morning, I can only assume she is still in the medical wing. I don’t know if the feeling in my chest is from wanting to see her or wanting to avoid her.
Despite running past the cafeteria, and the gnawing in my stomach I don’t stop to eat anything, as far as I’m concerned being further on Four’s shit list is not worth the food. No matter how good it smells this early in the morning. Despite the long hallways, the dim lighting and the several times I trip over my feet in the darker parts. It doesn’t take me long before I am in the training room. Glancing down at my watch I am just a couple of minutes away from 7am, I’m cutting it close so I waste no time shoving the door open, only to immediately want to run right back out. Stretching just a few feet away is Eric, though I can’t see his face. He is bent over at the waist, palms pressed into the floor, his normally slicked back golden hair falls freely. For a moment, just briefly I could understand the attraction. His arms visibly flex the black cut off doing wonders for his frame. I am only given a few more seconds of admiring before steel eyes meet mine. The calm that had settled over the room instantly froze, under his calculating gaze the room suddenly seemed too small. It also reminded me why I was here,
“Where is Fo-”
“You’re late.” He was quick to cut me off, a sliver of irritation was promptly stamped down by the cautiousness and fear. I broke the intense eye contact he seemed intent on having to glance down at my watch. It had only just now hit seven.
“I’m on time, actually.” I point out, gesturing to my watch. He lazily glances down at his own, before perring back up.
“You’re an hour late,” His statement almost makes me retch. Vehemently I shake my head,
“No, no Four told me my punishment started at 7!” I stammered hoping that I wasn’t so incredibly wrong that Four had gone to get Eric instead and kick me out of Dauntless completely. Eric only rolls his eyes rolling out his shoulders, which I may or may not have taken a glance at before meeting his gaze again. With a smirk he only crosses his arms,
“Four tends to treat our initiates with,” he pauses for a second before a shark-like grin creeps onto his face. “ Mercy .” A full body shiver rolls throughout me as my arms snake around my waist. Hoping he hadn’t seen, if he had he doesn’t say anything, his grin falling from his face, schooling his face.
“You will now be meeting here at 6am for the rest of the week that includes Monday and Tuesday of next week,” I want to argue, to protest that it isn’t fair, but the glare he hasn’t stopped giving me kills the fight before it's even begun. He gestures behind him,
“You have five minutes before we start, get warmed up.” I heed his statement and went off behind him warming up my legs, swinging my arms and just preparing my body for whatever hell Eric had in mind for this punishment.
I wait anxiously as Maybelline still has yet to show, unsure if her presence here would be encouraged or disastrous since it is Eric leading this punishment. Speaking of, I catch his careful gaze. He nods off to the side and I take that que to follow. Just as I get in stride he starts off jogging out of the compound. I am only slightly caught off guard but follow soon after. He is almost a head taller than me, causing his strides to be only that much longer. For the first few agonizing minutes I struggle, but keep up with him nonetheless. Hoping, no praying, that my labored breaths wouldn’t attract his attention. He says nothing when we started and as we run the tension seemed to dissipate, it was warming up now that the sun was gracing us with her presence and I was glad that I had decided on shorts rather than my usual long wear. Now that we were at a comfortable pace and I kept up the best that I could, my attention wandered again. I was still very curious about Maybelline. We had started without her so I could only assume he knew she wasn’t going to join, or he really didn’t care. Taking the chance I decide to ask,
“Will Maybelline be in any more trouble since she’s not here?” I only spared a quick glance but the question didn’t seem to affect him at all. His pace, composure, and breathing all stayed the same,
“You were an Erudite transfer,” he states coolily not even breaking a sweat. Though I am confused as his statement doesn’t even slightly relate to my question. “Figure it out.”
There it is.
I roll my eyes, at this point I couldn’t imagine us ever having a proper conversation. He only seemed full of sarcastic and assholish remarks, but do think about it. My mind wandering back to yesterday's events, the fight, the walk, our conversation. I seem to be taking too long for him because as we continue the silence is broken once again,
“No wonder you transferred,” He grumbles, and then it clicks,
“Her concussion,” I say, nodding more to myself than anything, remembering what the nurse had said yesterday afternoon. “The nurse said she was keeping her and for no strenuous activities.” He only gruffed in response, what a great conversation maker. Despite only being the first few minutes he looks completely unfazed and sweat starts to form on my brow. The silence falls over us once again but I don’t let it last,
“If Four gave me the punishment why doesn’t he oversee it?” Eric gives me and irritated side eye,
“If you wanted to ask so many questions, why didn’t you stay in Erudite.” He jabs, this time I do feel the prickle of irritation under my skin and don’t let it pass,
“I wouldn’t have any if Four were here,” I say back, and I regret it as soon as it leaves my mouth. Though I am thoroughly relieved when all I receive is another irritated look. He pauses for a moment, the lingering silence making me acutely aware of the sweat now dripping down my neck and the sleeves sticking to my arms. He finally gives in with an exaggerated huff, keeping his eyes forward and his pace the same,
“As the instructor Four is allowed to distribute punishments as he sees fit,” We round the corner of the compound, “however as your leader I am the one who oversees them to make sure they are executed properly.”
When he says your I can’t help but notice the tingle that starts at the nape of my neck, I ignore it, blaming the feeling on the still rising run on our backs. I play around with the words in my head, if both of them as our instructors each have a hand in the punishments doesn’t that mean Four could potentially punish whoever and not really have to make sure that it is done?
“So doesn’t that give Four the upper hand?” I continue quickly noticing Eric shoulders tense, “I mean if he is able to punish just about anybody, example A” I motion to myself causing me to fall behind a step. His eyes follow me as I fall behind and I have to catch up before being able to continue. “Then wouldn’t he be able to make you watch over anyone he pleases?” Eric shakes his head as we round another corner.
“It’s not that simple, he has to have a reason, first off.” Now that he is speaking, a conversation seems to be forming and he doesn’t seem as irritated at my mere existence. I huff, not only at his statement but as we continue my lungs heave a little more every time.
“He has a reason,” I mutter, Eric smirks but keeps his attention forward, “What, you think softie has it out for you?” I know he is joking, or the closest thing Eric can make to a joke. In all seriousness I think Four is just looking for a way to make me regret even falling into Dauntless. Now it is my turn to scoff,
“Softie? And yeah, why else would I be put in this predicament.” I phrase it as a question but we both know it’s a statement. I am sure Eric is fully aware of the impression he has over us and even those who aren’t initiates.
“You are the one who initiated the conflict from what I was told. That is a punishable offense so from what I can tell, you put yourself here.” His tone is condescending at best, and it makes my face burn in embarrassment though probably hardly noticeable as the sun was now full over the horizon and had been streaming towards us for quite some time now. I wonder who told him, it had to have been Four. Something I can’t quite place makes me run a little faster. Just what was said about me.
“Second I am allowed to serve out punishments as I see fit.” He finally takes his eyes off of me only to roll them, “Though they are never as menial as this.”
A bubble of laughter erupts from my chest before I can stop it, this causes him to turn his head fully and watch me with a skeptical gaze. It takes me a moment to collect myself and catch back up with the leader as I had fallen behind. I clear my throat and give him an incredulous look,
“This is menial?” I gesture to my half soaked long sleeve, my hair which I know has pieces falling out of it, and even if he doesn’t feel it I can hear the groans of my muscles and bones as we continue to circle this incredulously huge compound.
“Incredibly,” He doesn’t hesitate to answer, “If I am going to punish someone it is going to have a lasting impact.” His statement is ominous to say the least, and not for the first time and probably not the last a shiver runs down my arms. Though I don’t quite understand what he means by ‘lasting impact’. The other instructor crosses my mind, the exact reason I am with Eric in the first place. For better or for worse.
“Believe me, this will have a lasting impact,” for emphasis I have to gulp down air to keep up with what feels like our hundredth lap already. “I think Four is hoping this kills me, or that you do.”
Unexpectedly a deep chuckle fills the air. One that makes my bones tingle and my ears burn, also one that apparently makes me trip over my own foot. I caught myself in time to give him a wary look. My almost fall catches his attention but merely gets me an eye roll. Under my breath I can’t help but say, “I didn’t even know you could make that sound.” If he hears me he doesn’t say anything instead choosing to focus on my previous statement.
“Do you believe I would kill you,” His tone shifted from informative and even a little teasing to completely serious.
It is a little jarring to say the least, how quickly he could shift in emotions, however little he has. His eyes locking firmly in front of him as we round the corner and the training building came into view, off in the horizon. I have never been more thankful to see it but at the same time have never been so wary of a situation in my life. Even in times when I had to face my mother. Alarm bells rang wildly in my head as the conversation took a dark turn and I had yet to answer. An inner voice screaming at me to lie and try to appease him, try to prove my Dauntless. Yet an even louder voice warned me that trying to do that would only end badly. So instead for the second time since beginning here, I spoke the truth.
“I don’t think you would have a reason to,” following his lead, I keep my eyes forward watching as we come closer and closer to the crumbling building. “Though I fully believe you could.” The realization, saying it out loud for the both of us to hear. For me to hear, reminds me that I am not safe. Not yet anyway, that I have leaps and bounds to go. To even make it remotely close to the word safe .
Nothing else is said, and even if the heaviness of the conversation had lingered it hadn’t completely ruined the entire morning. The closer and closer we came towards the training building I could make out the rest of my training class, with the ever stoic Four standing before them outside. I searched the crowd as we got close, I noted as my eyes wandered that there was still no Maybelline but quickly discarded that thought as I caught a curl of hair off to the side. Just as I had thought, Aelius’s eyes had already found me. His smile was just as large and idiotic but never wavered. He waved a long arm at me, signaling to me even more so than his undivided attention that he had seen me. If I wasn’t already burning up my face would probably give me away. A very audible scoff sounds from beside me,
“Looks like your boyfriend was waiting for you,” Something in my chest churns at the word ‘boyfriend’, but even more so I don’t appreciate the tone he uses when he says it.
“He is not my boyfriend,” I glared at the side of his head, tearing my eyes from Aelius. The word itself is foreign on my tongue, but there is no need for him to know that. This time he does meet my eyes only to give me a very unimpressed look and rolling his eyes in the process.
“You might want to tell him that.” Eric had slowed to a walk just far enough away that we could hear chatter as everyone warmed up, but kept me further away from the group.
“Aelius and I are just friends.” It’s also the first time I’ve ever used that word in a sentence, and it too feels awkward coming from my mouth. I also want to reel back at how defensive it comes across knowing I do nothing to help my case. Eric only glares towards Aelius and then back at me,
“No wonder you transferred out of Erudite, because you're an idiot if that’s what you think friends look at you like.” His statement this time does make me flush, but I have no time to reply as Eric yanks up my wrist from my side. I try to protest but stop when I see him meddling with my watch. He presses a few of the side buttons that I had yet to touch because of my tiredness after last night's activities. He then pushes my wrist towards me and motions to the face of the watch.
“Tomorrow track your progress, your watch has the ability to track where, when, and how long we train for.” I meet his eyes, “Use it.” He leaves no room for argument or even further conversation as he turns on his heel and promptly strides through the crowd of inaties who part to watch him leave. Some turn back to me with glares or sympathetic looks. Ducking my head I scurry through the crowd just trying to find the only person who hadn’t stopped looking for me.
Once I am firmly next to said boy he greets me with a chuckle,
“Rough morning?” Though he’s joking one look and I know he is also being sincere. As he continues to stretch I follow suit.
“You have no idea,” I admit, bending down to stretch my already sore legs. This earns me another laugh. The sound is soothing, comforting even. When I turn to look at him though I am accosted with two medium sized apples in my face. Coming back up the apples following my eyeline, I use one hand to lower Aelius’s offering. With a tilt of my head and a raised eyebrow I assume he gets the message.
“For you!” He beams, with another smile.
If I hadn’t run into him before our testing I would have never believed this boy wasn’t anything but Amity with the way he smiled. It is then that Eric's words replay in my mind. I have to avert my gaze for a moment to collect myself and take a breath. When I turn back his eyebrows are furrowed and a small frown now replaced the smile from before. Instantly the pull in my chest makes me want to see that stupid grin again. Without thinking I poke at the place between his eyebrows, making them unfurl and the frown to lessen. I don’t let him say anything about it, as embarrassment courses through my veins for doing that a second time.
“What am I?” I ask instead, “A horse?” This time it’s his turn to look embarrassed a he waves the apples in the air,
“No, No, No,” Out of the air I snagged one of the apples, causing him to halt his movements. “I just knew you weren’t going to get to eat this morning.” he now points with his free hand. “And you always eat apples.”
My chewing slows as a harsh tug at my chest erupts. I don’t know which part of his statement hits me harder, that fact that he knew I liked apples, or him bringing me food once again. I don’t let myself linger on it too long as Four calls us to attention. As he talks I finish the apple I had taken from Aelius. He is quick to the point. Ordering us to get to the shooting range and start practicing. It doesn’t take us long to all jog over to the shooting range. Guns already set up but unloaded. Aelius takes his place beside me to my left and to my right stands an Erudite boy I remember to be Timothy.
The weapon feels too heavy for my arms once I get it loaded, my arms tremble a bit from exhaustion but I see the scowl firmly placed on Fours face. Again the fear outweighs the exhaustion. I am steady enough to load it up and take my stance. Gun shots start to ring out across the broken landscape. Readjusting my stance it takes me a couple of minutes before I am comfortable, raising the long barreled weapon I steady my shoulders and focus my aim at the target's legs. I let the bullets fly, coming up a couple of inches at a time until I’ve reached the head. My aim is shaky and falling outside the target.
Frustrated, I lower the gun, I try to recall yesterday and what to do, but all that comes to mind is the grip and steel colored gaze that left electricity wherever he touched. Now thoroughly embarrassed, I glance over to see Aelius at least hitting inside the rings, closer to the middle than most.
“How are you doing that?” I have to raise my voice just so he can hear it but a simple glance tells me he’s heard. He takes a look at my target and winces dramatically, causing me to roll my eyes. He lowers his gun once he’s out of ammo,
“Show me your stance,” he says casually reloading his gun. I do as instructed but don’t shoot, “You need to relax.” When I turn he is grinning, causing another tug deep within my chest.
“What?” I scowl turning back to face the target,
“You’re letting the gun control you, when you shoot the gun comes back and forces your shoulder back and out.” He demonstrates turning back and standing rigidly as he lets a bullet fly. As he said it hits way outside the target. “However, if you relax and cradle the impact of the shot it will follow your lead.” This time he relaxes his shoulders and lets the gun almost fall into his chest as he shoots.
With this in mind I re-aim the gun and let my shoulders sag. Taking a breath I steady the gun and shoot. I hit the kneecap on the target. I grin a little as I take aim at the other knee, shoot again and it’s not perfect but it wouldn’t feel pretty.
“There you go, Ren!” Aelius cheers me on having stopped shooting himself. I don’t look knowing it would only distract me but I nod. We fall back into silence, guns going off left and right. When I stop to reload I notice everyone shooting at the chest and head of the dummies. Not needing to look back at mine I know the others are thinking that my aim is awful but the knees, ankles and upper legs are almost shot through.
“You have something against legs?” I look up, noticing Aelius is very obviously joking. I shrug,
“Not particularly, but tell me this, where is it easier to hit?” He looks at me then points to his own chest,
“Here,”
“You’re smarter than you look,” he looks taken aback but I cut him off before he can continue, “If you can hit the chest then you’re most likely able to get the kill,” he winces, “but what if you need them alive? It’s easiest to know how to aim for a non-lethal area that you know will maim them and not kill.” He looks completely mortified but also morbidly interested.
“That is easily the darkest answer you could have ever given me,” I want to take it back, I regret letting the darkest parts of my brain show but when he turns back to his board he tries to shoot at the knees. He misses most but lands a couple before looking towards me with a questioning smile. And just like that he has eased my guilt and embarrassment, I try to beat down the smile that tries to worm its way up. I merely purse my lips and nod, turning back forward and try to ignore the fuzzy feeling that lingers in my hands, and slowly travels its way throughout my person as practice goes on.
We continue to practice for what feels like forever, but in actuality from the positioning of the sun could only have been an hour or two. Conveniently when the next time I am out of ammo so is Aelius.
“Wanna play a game?”
I am surprised by the question, glancing up from the ammunition table I have to pause what I’m doing to see if he is actually serious. To my dismay he only waits for a response,
“What are we twelve?” A better point and one I don’t bring up is how are we even supposed to play a game out here? Unless we hunt each other for sport. He frowns and glances back towards the dummy.
“You don’t have to be mean about it,” the sad and dejected look he gives me is enough to make me cave and I think he can tell me when I huff and shrug.
“Fine, what did you have in mind?” His smile returns so quickly I question if he didn’t have this planned all along.
“Okay, so,” He points to the target. “We both take turns shooting, whoever lands the closest gets to ask the other a question!” He is visibly excited, and even if I’ve already agreed to play I can’t help but tease.
“If you wanted to get to know me you could have just asked.” This doesn’t seem to deter him because he just shrugs and turns to face the board.
“It’s more fun this way,” I don’t disagree and instead turn and face.
“I’ll give you the first shot, since it’s your game,” I tell him letting him know that I’m ready.
He doesn’t hesitate and his bullet lands solidly in the second ring. I’m quick to follow, having been aiming at the bullseye since we started. But my arms shake and when I pull the trigger it lands in the very outside ring.
“Yes!” Aelius cheers to himself and I roll my eyes,
“We’re not done yet,” I glanced over, gun still high and aimed. He frowns,
“But I get a question,” he says, like he hadn’t just explained the rules.
“Yes, but you never said when you’d get to ask, or when I had to answer.” I smirk, pulling my hand away from the gun for a moment so I can twirl my finger in a circle, “loophole.”
Apparently I’m a comedian because he laughs and shakes his head. He turns back to the board and we continue to play. This doesn’t stop the small glances here and there. By the time lunch rolls around, my long sleeve is tied around my waist, absolutely soaked, but with both of us landing within the bullseye and no further than the second ring. I had to stop and take breaks throughout our little, my arms giving out from exhaustion. Yesterday and this morning really taking its toll on my body.
But during those times I got to learn more about Aelius. Even if he had won some questions from me he held off on asking any. I didn’t, along with his stupid grin he loves to talk, something I feel I should have learned sooner.
He tells me that he had two sisters. One was older and stayed in Abnegation, one had her choosing ceremony coming up. He mentioned she would also probably stay. I learned his favorite color was green, he hated the color yellow. He told me more about Abnegation lifestyle, and said weekends and afternoons were spent helping factionless and those throughout the faction. I may have told him how unproductive that sounded and that it was a waste. Something he didn’t comment on, and also something I didn’t press. He mostly talked about his sisters and his parents. Even with the varying questions, they all seemed to link back to his family. Between reloading I could really hear how much he must have cared for them. Though I don’t get the chance to ask as Four cuts us loose for lunch and Aelius goes is quick to complain about the stiffness in his limbs. I jab him weakly in the ribs as his hands are in the air stretching. I shoot him a glowering look and he seems to get the message apologizing sarcastically bumping into me as he rambles about what he wants for lunch.
Notes:
Kudos, Comments, and until next time!
Chapter 9: Chapter 9
Summary:
Ren learns to apologize, not really but she's trying. Once again she is put at odds, but can you blame her?
Notes:
I AM SO SO SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT. I just got back to university, classes just got started and my sport is picking back up again, I will only have so many hours to write and update but my goal for right now is to upload every two weeks. Also, I am sorry is this feels rushed it is not Beta read and I've been trying to get this chapter out for over a month so I kind of just wanted to get it out there. However, I will be trying to get out a super short chapter in a couple of days as an apology. I love ren and I love her story. I have things mapped out is you will all stay patient with me. I also love hearing your thoughts in the comments it really keeps me going. So, thank you to everyone who comments you guys really do want to make me keep going. But here is the long-awaited chapter, thank you guys for sticking with me.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
As we enter the cafeteria Aelius nudges me in the direction of the tables telling me to go sit. I don’t fight him seeing as I could barely use my arms, and he probably would have gotten me more food anyway. So I make my way through the crowded tables trying to find one that is less occupied when I spot a familiar face. A black and blue familiar face. Maybelline sits alone at a table playing with whatever it was that she must have eaten. Making the executive decision, I start towards her table. The crowd is loud, older dauntless yell and shout, some throwing and reaching over the tables. It takes even more energy for me to dodge and weave around the rowdy crowd. All the while I am trying to remember what I am even going to do. The closer I get the worse her face looks. Her nose is still swollen but instead of red it is vibrant purple and black swirls that cover the area. The inside corners of her eyes are black and puffy. I am surprised she can see but also very much regret it as she glances up and gives me the best glare she can muster without closing her eyes. I slide myself into the seat across, seeing as she hasn’t lunged across the table, a good sign to continue this impromptu apology. Despite thinking about this scenario all throughout the morning, I still had no idea how to approach this conversation.
“He-”
“What do you want?” She snaps, cutting me off before I could even greet her. Which is totally fair, I let my shoulders sag before placing my arms on the table,
“Would you believe me if I said I wanted a truce?” I offered knowing there was a high possibility that she would just get up and leave, or still lunge across the table. Instead all I get is a scoff and a very unimpressed look,
“No.” Though she is curt, the fact that she is still sitting gives me hope, “You bashed my face in, only fair if I get to do the same.” She pushes her tray to the side and crosses her arms.
“You’ll get your chance,” I shrug, before narrowing my eyes, “but don’t forget you came at me first, you wanted a fight so I gave you one.” Even if I was trying to sweep whatever had happened under the rug. I wasn’t going to forget that I had won fair and square, especially after she had insulted me. The memory sat in the back of my head all morning as I ran with Eric, not sure if he knew exactly what had gone down and what was said.
We sat in a silent stare down for a solid thirty seconds, before she broke first, rolling her eyes and blowing out a puff of air. She raises her hands in a mock surrender,
“Can you blame me, you can take the girl out of Candor but not the Candor out of the girl,” She leans her arms against the table and the tension seems to lessen. The consistent tightness in my chest lessens just a sliver, we are only on day three and I didn’t need any more enemies than I’ve already made.
“Can you blame me for wanting to beat it out of you?” I jest with a tilt of my head, even if I had sounded slightly serious she only rolls her eyes once more when they land on someone next to me,
“Everything okay over here?” Even if he had been gone for less than five minutes the low rumble of concern was comforting and much more welcome than the tense situation I had voluntarily put myself in.
“Don’t worry lover boy your girlfriend is fine,” Maybelline teased, blowing out a puff of air as she pulled her tray towards her once more. Poking at her leftovers from whenever she got food, though with the mangled mess I couldn’t quite tell what she had gotten.
Finally feeling safe enough to pull my eyes from her I look up to see Aelius had gone completely red and was gaping like a fish, looking anywhere but the table. Concerned I reached up and tugged at the hem of his shirt guiding him to sit down.
“Calm down Aelius, it’s just a joke,” I finally coax him into the bench taking the second tray out of his hands.
“More or less,” Maybelline continued to tease, but the redness in his cheeks had died down to a light pink now. I mumbled a quick thank you and he only hummed lowly as I studied what he had grabbed today. Aelius had settled on chicken and cut up fruit and mashed potatoes, pretty plain compared to what we had the past couple of days but food was food and I wasn’t about to complain. Moments later Zach and Leana joined us as well. With Zach sitting next to Maybelline and Leana sitting awfully close to Aelius on his opposite side. Aelius quickly falls into conversation with Zach with Leana butting in obnoxiously every other word. I try to keep quiet, taking small pieces of chicken and fruit to keep me occupied. Willing my arms to work to the best of their ability.
“What’s her deal?” I hear not quietly but only loud enough to flow under the conversation beside us. I glance up from my food to see Maybelline with a confused and almost disgusted look on her face.
I humm in question only for her to jerk her head diagonally. I already know who she’s talking about but when I lean over and Leana’s croaky laugh sounds out high pitched as she leans in towards Aelius. Irritation and discomfort itch under my skin but I force myself to face Maybelline again.
“Amity.” Is all I say, but my clipped tone must give it away since she smirks clearly amused at my discomfort.
“You might want to fetch your boy,” luckily our own little conversation doesn’t seem to catch the attention of the others. I shake my head,
“You know that keeps being brought up a lot,” I take another piece of fruit. First Eric and now Maybelline, who is hell bound that I’m sleeping with somebody, pretty sure she wants it to be anybody. I don’t tell her how or when but it doesn’t seem that I need to,
“Probably because he is,” She points her fork, with a potato piece still on it, between me and Aelius, or what would be between me and him.
I hadn’t noticed but the space that had been there was none existent now. He had scooted so close to me the arm I wasn’t using continually touched him. Now it was my turn to flush red because I hadn’t even noticed. In such a short amount of time Aelius had been so invasive of my space, it had become normalized at this point. For him to be inches from me almost at all times. Red faced and embarrassed I look back to see a triumphant looking Maybelline.
“This proves nothing,” I shove another piece of chicken in my mouth. “He’s just clingy.” It’s a poor defense I know but also not untruthful. Even with Zach, and unfortunately Leana, Aelius loved to poke, touch or even linger around us, always just a little too close.
“So what is the plan for tonight!” It is said loud enough now to catch my attention. Leana peered over the table grabbing all of our attention. She looked expectantly at me and only eyed Maybelline,
“Aelius and I actually have plans,” The lie comes off quickly and smoothly, I can see from my peripheral Maybelline raise an eyebrow but I pay it no mind. Aelius only tilts his head with a confused grin but doesn’t ask any questions, Leana looks a little disappointed while Zach continues to be enamored with his food and is not fazed at all.
“Awe without us?” Leana whines but I hold steadfast in my stance,
“Unfortunately,” I say with sarcasm that is completely lost on her, “I lost a bet this morning.” This now piques Zach's interest.
“Damn, Aelius kicked your ass?” He taunts but fakes meekness when I glare his way.
“Not kicked-“ Aelius tries to butt in before I cut him off
“You try running for an hour with Eric before target practice!” I shoot back,
“With Eric?” The temperature must drop around us because goosebumps linger on my arms. Immediately I regret admitting that as now the teasing look Maybelline had been giving me is gone and a vicious glare had replaced it. This time I don’t hesitate to lean into Aelius, who stays sturdy despite my weight.
“Apparently he is the one who oversees punishment for initiates,” her glare is unbelieving and distrustful. I don’t hesitate to narrow my eyes back. “Believe me I was just as shocked as you are, don’t worry we get to face him together tomorrow.” The grin I give her is evil. I know that, but not enough that it breaks the already fragile truce we have agreed upon. She softens just enough that I can breathe easier once again. But it is short lived when Aelius nudges me,
“Lunch is about over, we gotta head back.”
I groan and ungraciously try to clamber out from under the table. Aelius grabs my half eaten tray where only the chicken and fruit had been touched and carries it for me. All the while Maybelline snickers at my misfortune all the way out of the cafeteria. I feel the familiar electricity race down my back as I fall in step with Aelius, leaving the cafeteria, I don’t dare look back.
(Line)
We make it back to the training room with a couple of minutes to spare, I only know this because of my new watch. Which I become more and more grateful for. Around our little group the rest of the transfer converse with the social groupings of their choice. Even in this short amount of time alone cliques already seem to be made. I don’t care all that much when I feel Aelius’s arm brush mine, and in return I nudge him back. Though outside of our group, by a stone pillar, Four is setting up what looks like a large electrical board but nothing appears on it. From the looks of it, it reminds me of the old presentation boards that were used in school. Though I can’t get a closer look at it when the door slams open and collectively all of our heads whip in the direction of the door. Unsurprisingly Eric saunters in, he doesn’t seem to be in a foul mood given away by his walk. Instead of stalking towards us like a predator ready to pounce, he simply walks like he is above us all. Which he technically is.
“Pair up, start sparring!” He commands. I don’t try to make it obvious but the second he has stopped speaking, I turn away and grip Aelius’s wrist. Avoiding all contact with the leader, no matter what happened this morning the fear lingers in the back of my throat, like something rotten. I also promptly ignore the way the back of my neck tickles with electricity just like it had only minutes before.
“Come on,” I tug Aelius past the forming pairs and to the mat Zach and I used the previous day. It's far enough away that even if Eric decided to walk through it would be obvious if he made his way over here first. He wouldn’t give anyone that satisfaction.
“Ren, no fair!” Zach whines while I rub chalk on my hands and Aelius chuckles,
“It would have been yours had you won yesterday,” I taunt stepping onto the mat while Leana and Zach make their way past us and Zach shoots me an incredulous look he stops and actually turns back around to stalk back to our mat,
“What the hell do you mean? I won the majority!” Leana has to come back and tug him away,
“Not when it mattered!” I shout at their backs only for him to shoot a glowering look over his shoulder. I chuckle as Leana and Zach find their own mat, then turn to my own partner. I am struck when I turn and catch him smiling with his arms crossed just grinning my way. The warm fuzzy feeling crashes over me and makes me hot,
“What?” I ask when really all I want to do is hide. To turn away and never look back, he only shrugs not answering my question. I grumble under my breath trying to fight away the growing warmth in my chest. “Well come on, I don’t want to earn any more punishment, let alone with you.” I raise my hands and take a step towards him.
“What, getting tired of me already?” Aelius only lets his arms fall to his sides.
Despite his question, it is his body language that makes my mouth tug down. He isn’t actively looking around but his arms stay down by his sides. Unbothered. It is the only word that comes to mind. Instead of feeling fuzzy, a spark starts in my chest. I don’t know why it bothers me. But his very obvious nonchalance hits a nerve.
I know it is dramatic, the very logical part of my brain is screaming at me to stop thinking but that doesn’t happen. The insecurities start to pile up. Does he not see me as a threat? Am I joke to him? Is this why he keeps me around, because he sees me as less than? Suddenly everything we have ever done together comes to mind, and I am questioning it all. A voice in the back of my head whispers just how irrational that sounds. I stomp it down instead,
“If I am?” It comes off more clipped than I meant too but I don’t focus on it too much, taking another step towards him.
Aelius looks a little taken aback and his feet still, my tone isn’t playful which must take him off guard. Now that I am within a decent range I take the opportunity to swiftly throw a jab. He falls out of his stupor and is able to redirect my punch rather easily with the arm opposite of mine. Despite the block his hands don’t come up and still sway by his sides but now I can tell he is paying attention to me. The growing knots in my stomach worsen. The thoughts get louder. I feel slightly at a disadvantage because he watched me fight, while I don’t know anything about him. This will surely be a common problem amongst most of our fights.
Aelius has yet to attack, only playing defense as I throw punches left and right. I know this will only tire me out, this frustrates me even more, everything about him screams that he seemingly isn't taking me seriously. As we circle each other, me more out of breath than he is, it hits me.
Yesterday I was doing the same thing, though I wasn’t as nonchalant as he is. It seems taunting doesn’t work for him, and neither does trying to beat the shit out of him. Thinking back, it clicks. If provoking him won’t work then I will try something else. I let my arms fall, Aelius only stares at me quizzically. I take a step towards him, he stays still across from me but I see his eyes dart over my figure. He’s watching my every move, it seems. What he doesn’t know is I don’t plan on hitting him, not now anyways. I take another step towards him, now he takes one back. I repeat the action just as he does until his heels have reached the end of the mat and I stand just a breath away from him. It is now him who is huffing trying to catch his breath. His hands now clench in fists and his eyes look anywhere but mine.
“Aelius?” I don’t have to speak up at all, but now I have his attention. His face is red and his ears are bright pink. It really is adorable but seeing as we are here to fight, I slowly bring my hand up to his chest. His chest is rising and falling even quicker now, while my palm rests just under his collar bone. His eyes dart from my hand to my face, confused and with a hint of fear. With very little force I shove him off the mat. A grunt leaves him, he falls on his butt pretty hard causing him to wince. I cross my arms, as my theory is proven correct. I can’t help but scowl, Aelius can only manage a small,
“What?” I don’t answer as he gets up and tries to step back onto the mat. I put out a hand stopping him,
“Don’t you dare.” I growl, this time he truly doesn’t seem to understand what is happening.
“If you plan to step onto this mat you better do it with the intention of fighting me,” I state, it comes out harsh but I can’t find it in myself to care. He has yet to even throw a punch at me and even when I was merely inches from him, he did nothing. Aelius looks completely taken aback,
“I was-”
“Don’t!” I snap, glaring at him, “Don’t you dare lie to me.” He looks hurt and sheepishly glances away before pulling himself to meet my heated gaze again. I huff I check my shoulder and catch Eric staring boredly at the fight a couple mats over. I don’t want to get caught not working, knowing him he’ll make me do more work than already required for our morning punishments. So instead I turn back to a guilt looking Aelius and shove a finger in his chest.
“If you step back on this mat you are going to fight me. I don’t care how you treat me outside of this ring, but I will not be pitied or babied, I refuse to beat you based on your feelings ,” I hiss out for only him to hear. His eyes widen and his mouth opens. My hand rises from his chest to slap onto his mouth silencing him, “No, you will let me finish,” He only nods eyes wide, “I am not a joke, I am not weak, and I will not be treated as such. I got into Dauntless just like you did and whatever our relationship outside of this training room is, that will not affect what happens in her. Do you understand?” I keep eye contact the whole time while lecturing him, hoping he understands what I am saying. He nods furiously, before taking my hand off of his mouth,
“I’m sorry,” Is the first thing that tumbles out, I only shake my head,
“Save it,” Still a little hurt that he would let his feelings affect how he sees me.
I twist my hand in his grip and tug him back onto the raised surface. I turn only to come face to face with thundercloud eyes. I want to freeze and every cell in my body tries to. I don’t let it. Instead I walk towards him dropping Aelius’s hand once I know he’s stepped up. Once I am across the mat I get into position. Turning my back towards the leader.
“Lovers spat, initiate?” Eric mocks, lowly enough for only me to hear. The sneer isn’t lost on me even if I can’t see him.
“We’re not lovers,” I shot a glare over my shoulder. “And apparently he’s not the only one who’s bending me over .” I don’t know where the audacity comes from, I want to blame it on the irritation already sparked by Aelius but something tells me that's not all it is.
This time it is me who is able to get under his skin. His eyes go dark, and his smirk vanishes. Electricity races up and down my back, leaving no part of my skin untouched as Eric's eyes rake over me. I have to tear my eyes away and meet Aelius’s concern. I minutely shake my head, despite still feeling the heat raging at my back. It is only when Aelius takes a step towards me to I hear the small whisper of words, that drown out all other sounds,
“If you lose your punishment will be worse than bending ,” My heartbeat is the thing that consumes me now.
Raging against my ribcage, while me and Aelius circle once again. This time his hands are raised. His eyes are watchful, but it doesn’t matter. Despite Aelius’s best efforts he is only able to land body shots. Though painful, I can deal with them. I am smaller than him, whereas he is taller, her has more area to protect. I return much of the same, but I make it much harder to hit me, moving constantly and throwing false punches and kicks. So once he tries to land another punch, the second his right shoulder dips. I strike. Landing a knuckle cracking hit to his jaw, forcing his head to whip off to the side. He also stumbles backwards and with no thought at all I lift my leg and kick through his stomach. Forcing him to tumble off the mat once again. It is maybe one breath before he starts to heave and cause his stomach to empty his contents all onto the stone floor.
The second his feet slide off the mat, guilt tears through me. I can only watch for a moment, his hunched figure heaves and choking sounds are all I can hear. I rush off the platform once I realize all I am doing is watching. I kneel down next to him, unsure of what to do but apologize
“Shit Aelius, fuck, I’m so sorry.” I rub his back and mutter apologies ignoring the stench of his stomach contents.
It is only when he quiets down and is trying to catch his breath when I notice the tears that streak down his cheeks. Shame and anger claw at my chest. The tears remind me of my own, the ones I shed by the hands of someone who was supposed to care about me. When his hands go to his eyes wiping away the residual tears, I turn to where Eric once stood only to find he’s moved on to another fight. Again looking deathly bored with the pairings. Anger turns to rage in my chest, I want to yell, scream and lunge at him, but all I can manage is a glare before my worry is turned back towards Aelius who is now sitting up rubbing at his jaw.
“Damn Vee, didn’t know I had made you that upset.” Even at a time like this he jokes and it only causes the guilt to worsen. His eyes are a bit red and his jaw is bruising. He has no idea why I had gone so hard, and he actually blamed himself. I shake my head profusely and reach up to peel his hand away from his face, examining the swelling.
“No, no Aelius, fuck I went way too hard for no reason. It wasn’t you I promise.” All I can hope is that he believes me, and when a small grin appears it eases some of the worry that had started to consume me.
“As long as we’re even now,” Another joke, I can only manage a puff of air before leaning my head onto his shoulder, his wrist still in my hand. The fuzziness appeared once again, and almost all of me wanted to only feel this, the warm, contentment Aelius brought wherever he went no matter the circumstance. We sat there for only a couple of moments before I pull away,
“Come one, we aren’t finished yet,” I sat back on my heels and pulled him up with me. “Plus for that I definitely owe you,” Aelius hums and then his eyes light up,
“We get to do whatever I want tonight for our ‘plans’” I cringe when mentions the lie I had made up earlier but nod along,
“Yeah I definitely owe you that much at least,” When we make our way back up the air feels lighter, and our punches are not as forceful.
Instead of trying to end the fights we try to prolong them. Informing each other of better ways things could be done, or tactics that could be used. By the end of training that night my shirt is once again off and thrown to the side, Aelius’s shirt is drenched and sticking to him like a wetsuit. Something I may or may not have caught myself staring at. It is only when we are finally called over to Four, who had also been doing rounds while we practiced, back to the now lit up board. The Dauntless born joined us as well while we crowded around the area,
“This is your life,” Four announces, “We will be grading you every day, your rankings will always be listed here.” The room is deathly silent and it seems as if no one has even taken a breath.
“Those above the red line by the end of the first stage will move on to stage two, those below it will be cut, therefore leaving Dauntless.” The reminder that not all of us will make it through even the first half of initiation causes goosebumps along my exposed arms. Fear creeps along my spine as I search for my name below the red line, when I can’t find it my eyes go up until I spot it. I’m fifth overall, with dauntless born holding the first two spots and with two transfers, Zach and Damian holding third then fourth. Aelius falls farther on the list being 12 but still far above the 20th and last spot where Maybelline lies. Again guilt is becoming my new best friend because I tried to avoid looking in the direction I know the girl is in. I’m partly the reason she’s there. I have seemingly tuned out Fours commentary because I am being tugged along by Aelius who starts talking about dinner then our evening out. I am only half aware and giving half assed responses as I remember today's events unfold. And dreading tomorrow's punishment where I will have an hour only with the man who with ease made me hurt the greatest comfort I have, and I let him.
Notes:
Kudos, Comments, and until next time :)
Chapter 10: Chapter 10
Summary:
Ren shows her Candor. She also shows why she isn't.
Notes:
CW: needles, swelling, talk of piercings
Holy fucking shit I am so sorry for the long awaited update. University has been kicking my ass, we just had midterms and I've spent all spring break trying to write this chapter. It is rusty and I apologize for that. I still promise I am continuing with this story it just may take longer than expected to get chapters out. So for those still reading I appreciate you guys so much please be patient with me.
edit- alright so for everyone new reading this won't apply. But those who have read I did edit this chapter severely it just felt too out of place and now has a very important scene to me. It also flows better with Ren and Aelius (Once Cody) who are starting to really find each other in these caves. anyways hope everyone enjoys
UPDATE: So for those continuing to read this story, please note I haven't abandoned it! Also for story telling purposes -
Cody=Aelius now
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Why did you lie?” The question breaks me out of my stupor, I glance to my left, locking eyes with Aelius who walks casually next to me.
I knew he had been wanting to say something to me all evening, though I may not have helped my case. All throughout dinner I had only nodded and didn’t really react to those around us. Even when Maybelline tried to get under my skin. Too bad for her I wanted to rip it off and never wear it again. Playing over this afternoon, trying to search those gray eyes haunting my memory.
“You’re going to have to be more specific.” I respond, turning back down the hall.
Pretending I needed to focus on where I was stepping. It isn’t an awful cover, the halls were always dark and any misstep could have you tripping over your own two feet. Something I was all too familiar with getting up early this week and trekking down the small corridors. It’s also quiet for now, but I know once we reach the pit it’ll be much louder. For as much as I appreciated the silence, not getting it much with the group I have found myself in. It was uncomfortably heavy now, much like Atlas and the world.
“Do you lie often?” I am a little unnerved how unbothered he sounds asking the question. Like if I agree or disagree it wouldn’t matter to him. A terrifying thought, one I am not ready to dig into.
So instead I shrug, “You can see why I’m not Candor,” It comes off harsher than I mean for it to.
It just adds to the mounting pile of guilt I already feel. I avoid looking at him, despite all the lies I’ve already told. Such an open ended question could lead to more, and for as close as Aelius and I have gotten, this feels too close.
“Okay then,” he pauses, once again I am too afraid to look at him. This feeling is one I’m not used to. I know it’s fear, but it's not the same. Not like when I faced my mother, not when I jumped off the roof, not when I face Eric. My hands clench in my pockets, I don’t understand why I am so afraid.
“Why did you lie to Leana at lunch?” For a moment I can breathe, finally an answer to a question I have.
I open my mouth but close it moments after, then do it once more, but I can’t think of anything to non pathetic to say. Only one thought plays on repeat in my brian. If I tell him the truth would he look at me differently? Then another, since when have I ever cared what an Abnegation thought of me.
“Do you like Leana?” Instead of dissecting those thoughts I misdirect, like a coward .
“You’re changing the subject,” He doesn’t let it slide but from here I can hear the roar of the evening crowd down at the pit.
My escape, maybe just enough of a distraction for Aelius as it would be for me. I shrug again. My non answer isn’t sufficient enough this time. A hand finds itself firmly placed around my forearm, stopping my advances.
“Ren, come on. Somethings wrong, you've been acting strange since this afternoon,” His worry now is palpable.
Even though his hand is only around my arm I find comfort in it. The urge to lean into him and tell him everything crashes me. Making my legs feel weak, and even from the couple of days I know he’d catch me, to hold me sturdy. Then there is the fear in the receding waves that leaves a rotten aftertaste in my mouth. With a tug I pull my arm from his grasp, this is getting out of hand. Stepping backwards I let myself lean against the jagged stone wall. It is grounding, while I try to collect my thoughts.
“Leana?” I repeat.
Her name hangs between us, as does the sigh Aelius lets out. So far he has stayed in the same spot just watching me but he takes a step forward. For the first time since we left the cafeteria I look up at him, fully. His hair is unruly from today's training. Instead of the natural curls with bounce and ordered chaos, it looks tangled and damp. He himself also looks stressed, I can only guess what from but he looks conflicted. Eyes usually bright and wide are cloudy, searching them I’ve decided. I hate that look in his eyes. I never want to see him looking at me this way again. Looking like this ever again, and yet here it is and it’s my fault.
His gaze flickers from mine down to my mouth. Static erupts down my arms, and I can feel my breath hitch as he takes another step towards me. My once collected thoughts scatter, and my heart is stuck in my throat. I am unsure of what it is that I want but I don’t have to question. Aelius veers off to my left, thumping against the rock wall, which cannot be comfortable, finding his place next to me. I have to will my heart to slow down, but it doesn't help when he is fully pressed against my side.
“I mean she’s been nothing but kind to us since we got here,” He finally answers, but his response lights up my skin with the plural usage. I can’t help but notice the use when referring to him and I. Which recalling happens quite often.
“You know we’ve only known each other for three days you-”
“Four days,” He cuts me off, and I can’t help but turn to him puzzled, “We’ve known each other for four days.” He turns to me with four fingers up. “The aptitude test, remember?” For a moment I can see him there again. Face in a trash can and hurling out every meal he ever ate. A huff escapes before I can stop it. This makes Aelius chuckle too.
“Okay then, four days,” I pause trying to find the right way to say this. “You and her aren't that different. You come from Abnegation, she comes from Amity. Selfless and kind.” The words spill from me despite everything I’ve ever learned from my mother. I cannot stop talking when I know Aelius is there to listen. It takes actual effort to string together the words that I want to say and it almost hurts when they escape.
“I am neither.”
There it is.
And then silence. I am sure he can read between the lines. I’m not her. A nasty self recognition, and a self pitying one too. It makes my hands furl and unfurl . Now the low roar of the crowd in the pit is nothing compared to the aching of nothingness that sits between admissions. Every part of my being aches to run, to turn and never stop but I freeze. Conditioning has taught me to take what is given good or bad, head on.
So I wait. Only to have a firm hand grab mine, to uncurl my fingers and slowly warmth envelops my hand as Aelius slides his fingers between mine. A warmth I haven’t felt in what feels like years, and if I think too hard it might actually be that long.
“I think you’re kind.” He says it so effortlessly, like it true. Like it’s been true my whole life and I’m the only one who hasn’t realized it.
The crashing waves return at my legs, and I have to physically pretend that my whole world hasn’t just shattered my whole world. Never once has that word been directed at me. I have also never heard it in a sense that speaking of kindness wasn’t a factual statement when speaking of our only kind faction. My chest aches and I can’t find the strength to look at him.
“Even after I hurt you, even after I hurt Maybelline?” I ask, feeling the need to remind him of what I’ve done. Completely ready for him to take back his statement for him to walk away and decide I am in fact not kind. To look down and see the bruises that linger on my fists cradled so carefully in his hand. To feel the bruise I know is starting to grow on his chin.
“You did what you had to Vee, you helped me when you didn’t have to, and you also apologized to Maybelline.” He squeezes my hand, “You showed me that taking it easy on you wasn’t helping, it was actually hindering you.” another squeeze. “I think that's kind.”
I have no idea what to say to that, but I don’t have to because he keeps going “You also apologized to Maybelline when a lot of others would have felt justified. That’s bravery.”
Even more so than before I am left speechless. I can feel the slight tremble in my legs, not understanding if it is a good or bad thing. Then again with Aelius, nothing could be bad, not with him. Maybe even me. If Aelius hadn’t left Abnegation, if his test hadn’t shown him he could be Dauntless. I completely understand how he could fit into his home faction. Selfishly I am grateful he left, so he could be here with me now. Even more so I am glad I found him first, before Leana, before Zach, before anyone else. So I cling to him. Instead of trying to fill the space he’s left for me to speak. I just hold his hand, and for the briefest of moments, let myself believe what he’s said. He seems to respect the silence I let linger. Before I can dig too deep, feel too safe, I push myself off the wall and tug him along the rest of the hallway.
“Come on, we don’t have much time before lights out.” And just like that Aelius is back to his bright smile and soothing nature. Dropping his previous question and instead opting for a more lighthearted topic.
“Okay so what are you wanting to do?”
I check my watch. We have about 2 hours before we both need to be in the dorm. Also the latest that I want to be asleep, so I can be at least a little functional to deal with Eric. Even thinking his name while being with Aelius makes the guilt from before return. I focus on pulling him along as we dodge though the dauntless crowd who don’t give us much thought.
“Well you got to have fun yesterday, while I was stuck shopping.” The memory of Leana and I makes me scowl. As much as I wanted to enjoy the couple of things I got, the questioning yesterday promptly ruined my experience. Aelius chuckled at my description,
“So you wanted to make up for it today?” Now that we are side by side I can spot his smile from my peripherals. Nodding I add,
“Yeah but I don’t need to shop, unless you need clothes I was wanting to go check out the tattoo shop.” I wasn’t even sure what I wanted, but after seeing Aelius’s tattoo; the memory of the dark ink and how warm he felt promptly flushing my cheeks, I knew I wouldn’t mind looking.
“I mean that works, though mine is still tender I could get another one. Plus I don’t have enough points for both.” Aelius, oblivious to my flushed face, searches through the crowd for the tattoo parlor.
Once found he lets out a triumphant ‘there!’ before tugging me along. The sight of him in high spirits lessens the knot in my chest. I can’t help but watch as his eyes crinkle and his hair bounce when he walks. His hand does not stray from mine as he talks about how cool the staff is, what he might want to get, where to get it. He doesn’t seem to mind that I have nothing to add. Comfortable with my small acknowledgements.
It doesn’t take us long to make it to the front of the tattoo shop, it is just another part of the wall hollowed out like all the others. Inside it’s dark and there are several erected walls that you can walk between with bright orange stained glass. To our immediate right there is a desk with a tall lanky looking woman with a long face. Her bright purple hair is a shock to me but as are the several lip piercings surrounding her mouth. She smiles at the both of us, making her piercings pull tight.
“Aelius, back so soon? Who's your friend?” The purr of her voice has me even more intrigued enough to have me ignore the spark of envy I feel as she freely greets Aelius. He laughs,
“Hey Jacky, this is Ren. Ren this is Jacky,” he introduces us.
The irritation nearly fades as her auburn eyes surrounded by smokey black makeup meet mine and she waves. I nod back and can’t help but squeeze Aelius’s hand. Jacky’s eyes flicker down to our intertwined fingers and her eyes light up. Her eyes meet mine then Aelius with a wiggle of her eyebrows she points between us with bright pink painted nails,
“So how can I help you two love birds out? Please don’t tell me you’re getting each other's names, I would highly advise against it!” The fast paced taunting voice has Aelius’s face bright red as he stutters out a form of words that don’t make a sentence. I take the lead and drop his hand waving my newly freed hand,
“Not love birds, just friends. Also a definite no to the name idea.” I cringe at the idea of someone's name branded onto me. She raises an eyebrow but doesn’t push it,
“So what can I help you guys out with?” Aelius still red and flustered looks anywhere but me finding interest in nothing in particular. I shrug and decide to be up front.
“I’m not sure really, I wanted to get something done but don’t have any clue what to do,” I nudged Aelius with my arm.
He turns back to Jacky and with an awkward chuckle admits he wants another tattoo. Jacky shoos him away to go find a design but beckons me over. I watch as Aelius wanders away, for someone who is so bubbly all of the time, he is unnaturally shy around other people. A stark contrast to who I am around constantly.
“So don’t know what you want huh?”
Turning back I make my way closer to the counter. Noticing the look she gives me, she’s talking about a lot more than tattoos. I narrow my eyes, but don’t give in. Just because she thinks she can be friendly with Aelius does not extend to me. She shrugs when I still don’t answer,
“Okay well we offer tattoos,” she gestures around, “But we also offer piercings.” With this she points to her mouth. “Our resident Rory Davis did these bad boys.” She jests, but it doesn’t distract me from the name.
“Rory?” The name is unfamiliar on my tongue but the voice that appears isn’t,
“That would be me,” I turn swiftly to find the dark skinned man from my testing. When his eyes find mine, it is unnerving that fear is the first thing I see. It is gone the next second when he gruffs annoyed.
“Yer wanting a piercing?” This time it is my turn to shrug, still kind of stunned that I am running into Rory again so soon.
I thought Dauntless would be bigger but it is on me for assuming. Nothing about his appearance has changed. His buzz cut is still bleached, but in his cut off I can see the intricate swirls of tattoos that swallow his arms. He raises one of his full eyebrows at me, urging me to say something in the minute that has now passed.
“What would you recommend?” I am still slightly reeling but I look between the two, hoping for some sort of resolution. Jacky brings her arms up and crosses them on the desk she is leaning on.
“I mean if you aren’t sure of what tattoo you want, I would go with a piercing. If you don’t like it you can always take it out,” She demonstrates by pulling out the small hoop that lays in the middle of her bottom lip. Then slips it right back in.
“Plus I think you would look super cute with a septum,” she cocks her head to the side, “Oh, no! Totally a stud,” She reaches across the counter and points at my nostril, very much too close for comfort.
“Okay Jacky she gets it,” Rory steps in and saves me from the onslaught of ideas that tumble from the purple haired receptionist. With crossed arms and a tired look his attention is now on me, “If yer not sure you can come back and I can show the piercings we do offer.” He suggests but also nods to the walls behind me, “If not, I’m sure any of our people would be happy to give you your first ink.”
Turning around I spot Aelius pulling off a glass design from the wall. I can’t tell what it is from here, but I don’t need to. Turning back to Rory I’ve made my choice,
“Mind if I go back with you? I don’t think it’s time for a tattoo quite yet.” I admit, Rory nods and swivels on his heel. Walking past the covered walls, turning quickly to Jacky I ask,
“Would you mind telling Aelius I’ll join him in a minute?” Jacky gives me a smile and with a ‘no problem’ sends me to catch up with Rory who's waiting for me at the very back of the shop.
It’s so dark, the orange and red illumination of the lights don’t help me decipher the black out curtain Rory tugs away to reveal another room. Unless I had pressed against the flimsy thing I would have no idea that this room was here. I walk in slightly in awe but I have to squint once I’m fully in the room. All four walls are white but have decorations, paintings, and a mirror, while the floor was smooth concrete like out in the main shop. In the middle of the room sits a chair like from the aptitude test, a stool sits a few feet away closer to a dark maroon desk. On the back far wall is the larger maroon desk with several drawers and locks. Taking a couple more steps in, an uncomfortable anxiety settles on my shoulders. Despite all the differences the room is too familiar of home. Despite knowing I am not in Erudite, far from it really, the hand that settles on my shoulder startles me. I flinch expecting pain to come from the touch. Instead Rory comes to my side, he doesn’t mention the flinch or my tense posture.
“Over here,” he steps off towards the right where a diagram next to a beautiful framed mirror is placed in the wall, it must have been carved out for this very reason. A sink sits just left to the mirror pressed where both walls meet, I am confused as to why but don’t ask. “ ‘er are all the piercings we offer and the placement of them. Take a gander while I set up.”
I am unsure what he means by set up but I don’t watch as he steps behind me. Instead I comb over all the information in front of me. The names and looks are unfamiliar to me. Some make my skin crawl at the thought of metal replacing skin, and for a moment I wonder what having an excessive amount of metal in the skin would do to a person. Another shiver runs down my spine but I shake it off. Despite my initial disinterest in the idea of putting a hole in my face, the more I look the more appealing a lot of these piercings look.
“How badly would you say tongue piercings are?” I question over my shoulder,
“Probably one of ‘er worst but less painful than a genital piercing,” the imagery that accompanies that statement is very unwelcomed and makes me shudder.
“How many of those have you had to do?” I can’t help but ask, as I turn back towards him with what I want in mind. Now his back is towards me, blocking the desk where he seems to be messing with something though I can’t really tell.
“Far too many that I thought possible since starting here,” he chuckles while turning around. “So decide what yer want?” I nod, nerves starting to tingle in my fingertips at the thought of me actually doing this.
“Yeah, I want to do the snake eyes on my tongue?” It comes out more like a question than I want it to be. It doesn’t help that Rory gives me a strange look before nodding,
“Well okay then,” before turning back around and going towards a different set of cabinets that are behind the chair on the back wall. I can’t help but question the way he looked at me, or the way he said it but it rubs me to wrong way,
“What?”
He chuckles seemingly bemused by my question,
“You surprise me ‘s all” he jerks his elbow to the chair, “take a seat.” I waste no time sliding into the chair. However I run over his response again and again. I am unsure of how to take it. Wheeling a tray with several different apparatuses Rory must be able to tell how I am feeling because with a gloved hand squeezes my shoulder again.
“Stop thinkin so much, gonna hurt that head of yours. Plus all I meant is that I thought yer were gonna go with one of the piercings recommended by Jacky, ‘s all.” He removes his hand and starts to disinfect the needle. It isn’t very large, and I have certainly seen bigger.
“I still think I might, just not right now, if I make it past initiation.” He hums in acknowledgement before reaching out towards a long looking cotton swab.
“Now before I numb your tongue,” He waves the cotton swab in the air, which must have the numbing cream. Then points with his free hand to where three curved barbells sit on a paper towel. The first one is relatively small, the next one is two inches bigger and the third one is only slightly bigger than the second. “I wanted to show you the sizes of what we offer. You don’t have to go with silver but seeing as you're an initiate I am probably right in assuming you don’t have enough points for any other alternatives.” I nod, in understanding but also to let him know he is correct. I won’t get any more points for a couple of weeks, if I even make it that far.
“I am going to use the second one, once the swelling goes down come see me and I can switch it for the smaller one. If the swelling is too much I may go up a size,” He points to the third. “Keep in mind with these piercings you need to be careful. Especially with fights and food. Keep to liquids for the first few hours after that you should be fine to eat regularly. I am going to give you a pill.” He grabs a plastic cup with a green pill, and with all the information I can’t help but feel the clamminess of my hands.
“Take this before lunch tomorrow, it should help heal it within a couple hours fully so you’ll just need to not bite it off before then.” I can picture it now, Eric pulling me for a fight then my tongue being bitten off by my own teeth. I can feel myself pale and as does Rory, who just chuckles. “Don’t worry it’s only a day, you should be back to normal after the pill, I just have to let your body regulate to the addition of metal. With a sigh and a slump of his shoulders Rory cocks his head to the right.
“Alright then you ready, kid?” Before I can opt out quickly I stick my tongue out. Rory gives a full blown laugh and mutters something then applies the slave to about a quarter of my tongue. It is uncomfortable having someone this close to my face who isn’t Aelius. Or Eric, the traitorous name slips in and I have to stop the physical flinch that wants to rip through me at the name. After a few moments Rory grabs the needle and is back in my face. I can feel the rubber of the gloves very faintly as he grabs my tongue.
“Okay take a deep breath in for me,” In through my nose, “And breathe out.” Before I am halfway with realizing I feel the sharp sting erupt from my tongue and can’t help but wince. My fingernails dig into the palms of my hands as Rory works smoothly, murmuring soft praises. I can feel the coolness as I can only assume the piercing has taken the place of the needle. Just like that he steps away and nods.
“There you go, all done. Now your tongue is still gonna feel numb but I have an ice cup for you to use while you sit with your friend. Why don’t you go take a look,” He motions to the mirror and turns to clean up the tray and throws out his gloves. With wobbly legs. I have to stand for a moment to get my bearings. Once I am sure I won’t fall I shuffle over to the mirror.
When I see myself it’s almost comical. My cheeks are flushed, my eyes are slightly red and watery. I look more affected than I feel. Glancing down at my tongue, which I had forgotten to put back in my mouth, instead of seeing two little balls I see spikes. I am confused as before they were rounded and now they are like short horns on the sides of the tip of my tongue. I can’t help but admire the look.
“So ya’ like?” Rory appears behind me, I am cautious to pull my tongue back. It feels fat now, like it takes up too much space. The metal also scratches along the back of my teeth which I hadn’t anticipated. Nonetheless I nod. And smile to the best of my ability. The metal moves and the discomfort I portray makes the piercer laugh. I turn around and in his hands are two cups. One holds a green pill and the other is filled with ice.
“This,” he hands me the ice. “As for the swelling, hold one in your mouth and don't chew it.” he is stern before handing me the other cup. “And take this before eating tomorrow.” I nod, unsure if I even want to attempt speaking.
“Jacky will handle payment, if ya ever want to get those other piercings let me know. Ya know where to find me.” I nod as he shoos me away, and slips through the curtain.
Tipping back the cup of ice I let a couple cubes sit in my mouth. The initial shock has a groan that I can’t control erupt from my chest. The temperature change from my tongue to the ice hurts but standing in front of the curtain I let them melt. After I am sure that I can multitask with the ice and walking I make my way to the front. Despite my early frustration Jacky handles the payment smoothly then after, freaks out over the piercing I had decided to get. I could only stand there and take her excitement without saying anything. I could only nod and shift uncomfortably from foot to foot as we, or she, talked. The pain in my mouth worsens. To the point where I was only half paying attention, finally she takes me to the room where Aelius is situated.
We have to go to another curtain down a hallway that was close by. Jacky continued to talk about what I am not sure, I was more interested in getting to Aelius who would hopefully save me once again. When we get to the room, tucked behind the same blackout curtain as Rory’s, I am introduced to the tattooist whose name is Zayne. With very short introductions and Aelius giving my name, they tell me their partner is actually, Jacky.
Once the introductions are done Aelius breaks the conversation he is in, with a bright smile my way like he isn’t being stabbed by a needle. It is all I focus on as the pain continues to radiate through my face and head. I pull up an extra stool that Zayne tells me to take as they speak with Jacky for a moment before she leaves and they go back to tattooing Aelius. I can’t tell what the design is with Zayne positioning themself over his arm. Sitting down, the weight of pain and exhaustion finally hits me. Dealing with Eric this morning, dealing with Four afterwards, then everything with Maybelline. All of it sits on the top of my shoulders weighing my head down further into the space next to Aelius’s leg. The top of my head is pressed into the side of his thigh and my forehead is being cooled by the leather of the seat he is propped up on. It is comforting and familiar. For a moment I wonder just how I had gotten here, pressed against the curly headed boy I wanted nothing to do with four days ago.
“Hey Vee,” Aelius greeted me.
I can’t tell if he is meaning to speak softly but nonetheless it’s welcomed. I push away the lingering questions and doubts that surface and instead I keep my head down and just hum in response. The vibrations irritating my swollen tongue, which now has its own pulse. There’s a tug at the back of my head and before I can lift my head I can feel my hair tumble out from the ponytail I had put it in earlier this morning. Creating a black curtain to hide my face, whether he meant to or nor, he was helping with the overstimulation.
“How was it?” He asks, carefully running a hand through my hair. Combing from the base of my skull outwards and then again. I only hum again willing to deal with the pain if only to make sure he knows I'm not ignoring him.
“JJ told me she got her tongue pierced, she’ll probably be out of the speaking game for a couple hours.” It is Zayne who comes to the rescue so I don’t have to interrupt the magic that is Aelius’s hand in my hair. I nod against his leg to confirm the statement. I hear a chuckle and feel the vibrations. I can tell it is Aelius.
“Well if that’s the case then I think I’ll cash in on those questions now,” I groan as best as I can. No way he actually wants me to answer questions when I can’t even get my tongue to not touch my teeth. There is a scratch at the base of my neck, causing a shiver to race down my spine and heat to bloom in my chest.
“Don’t worry they’ll be easy, you won’t need to talk,” he reassures me before going back to previous movements. He kisses his teeth, “I have six questions, correct?” I nod but am not sure. He could have asked if he had 20 and I am sure I would have said yes. How could I ever deny him. My head still feels fuzzy though I can’t tell if it’s from the pain, or Aelius.
“Okay first one, siblings?” Easy, I shake my head no. “Thought so, you don’t act like a sibling.” I want to ask what he means by that, knowing I can't, I tuck away for another time.
“Two, do you miss home?” and just like that it is no longer easy. I am appreciative that I can’t speak but shaking my head almost seems just as hard for no explanation that will follow. I could lie, and instantly my stomach coils. So I shake my head, just keep moving on.
“Three, do you regret choosing Dauntless?” I pause for what must be a minute. What a bold question to ask in front of one of its initiated members. Even so, I shake my head again. Had I not chosen Dauntless I never would have really met Aelius, and even though my situation right now is frustrating to say the least. This is where I belong, where I want to be. Comfortingly Aelius scratches my scalp before soothing out my hair.
“Four, are we friends?” I do not hesitate when I nod. Hating the deep ache that blooms in my chest, damn Leana and her questioning. Making Aelius feel anything other than worthy of anybody's friendship. Least of all mine. Though I am hoping he understands that even if I can’t explain myself, now. Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to tell him that yes Aelius you are my friend and I am yours. That I am thankful for his solidness and his forgiving nature. Today doesn't seem to be that day.
“Five, do you think we’re going to get through this?” The ache deepens, so far that a cavern must have taken place where my chest once was. Now hating that I can’t tell him, promise him that if nothing else that he would be a Dauntless member. That I am sure of. Out of everyone no matter what our scores are. He was the bravest person I have ever met. So instead I reach up with the hand closest to him. Searching for his hand before he eventually gives it to me. I squeeze it, praying that I convey every thought and hope I’ve ever had. Aelius chuckles and gives my hand a squeeze before guiding my hand towards the end of his shirt and then placing his hand in my hair once again.
“Six, promise to tell me the truth?” I pause, gripping the tail end of his shirt, and so do his movements. The buzz of the tattoo machine is the only sound that echoes throughout the room. I want to feel bad for Zayne but it would feel wasted on them. When all I’m focused on is right in front of me. I also want to be hurt that he’s asked, but I’m not. Part of me is actually proud that he has started to question. Gripping his shirt tighter; I nod.
Notes:
Kudos, Comments, and until next time :)
Chapter 11: Chapter 11
Summary:
Ren is caught alone with Eric once again, except he's in a foul mood, and Verena isn't going to make it any better.
Notes:
...So I'm back...I am also in my last semester of college, I am also about to go through eye surgery and I wanted to make sure this was published. I have not abandoned this work, I still fully have a storyline just so much has gone on. I appreciate everyone who has stuck by this work and continues to comment and Kudo all of it makes me want to write and comeback fully as soon as I can. Once again thank you guys so much!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I wonder if getting up this early will kill me, maybe this will be the thing that proves I am not in fact made for Dauntless. My limbs scream at me trying to crawl out of the criminally thin bed. But I force the covers off my body anyways, even if the mattress was once the most uncomfortable thing I had ever laid on. Now I only wished to lay back down and catch a couple hours of sleep. Exhausted and growing increasingly irritated, I make my bed as best I can in the dark and move stiffly. Just like yesterday I can’t help but smile, even if it is uncomfortable, at Aelius. Just like nights before he is sprawled in a tornado of blanket, clothes and pillow. I catch a glimpse of his tattoo from last night.
“Alright Aelius, all done.” Zayne blows out a puff of air, wiping away the last of the ink from Aelius’s arm. “Take a look,” instead of getting up and looking in the mirror that is bolted into the front wall, he turns to me.
“How does it look?” I can’t help but be confused, why wouldn’t he just go look at it himself. Though I don’t put too much thought into it, I don’t have the mental capacity to think anymore about Aelius being, well, himself really.
Looking down I am taken aback by the artwork once again. This must be the person who did his previous tattoo because the art style is almost the exact same. This art piece is much bigger than his other one and takes up his entire inner forearm. From wrist to the crease of his arm. I can’t help but reach out and cradle his arm in my hand. Just like every other time we touch he is warm, now is no exception. Just holding his arm warms my fingers and palms, which stay perpetually cold down here in the dark concrete buildings. Though that doesn’t hold my attention for long as I take in the ink that stains my friend's arm. It is hyper realistic, and completely breathtaking. One hand reaches down the wrist starting at the crease of Aelius’s elbow and with the hand reaching down towards his wrist. The other hand starts at the bottom of his wrist and reaches up towards the first. Where the fingers are supposed to touch in the middle is covered. It is actually the snake that catches my attention. It follows the hand reaching upwards curled around the wrist and slithering up the hand and fingers. Its mouth is open, reaching, taunting, luring the hand from above to put its fingers in the mouth of the beast. It is monochromatic, so there is no color, but somehow the scales shimmer even in this dark room. Glinting of a tense and posed body, ready to strike. Yet the second hand reaches down anyways, fingers outstretched to reach– the person – the snake. I am unsure. I follow the trail of the snake's body with my finger tips. Once again glad I couldn’t speak, it gives me a reason to be speechless now. Pulling my attention away, I let go of his arm and nod as enthusiastically as I can. Putting up two thumbs to indicate my admiration of the tattoo and its artist.
Even now in the dark and skewed from the way Aelius is laying, I find the snake. Despite its positioning, I can feel its eyes on me. For a moment I swear there is a glinting from its teeth, rolling my eyes I shake away the idea. The tinge of fear is irrational. It's just a tattoo, nothing more, it is a fantastic art piece and unless I want to be remembered only through art I need to get going.
While dressing I grab the little green pill from underneath my pillow. My mouth, though sore and swollen, is too irritating to ignore. Popping the pill towards the back of my throat I roughly swallow it. It is tasteless for the most part, though even if it wasn’t, I would take anything to make any part of me less sore. All in all I am just hoping it kicks in soon. Jumping down from the bunk and evaluating my things. Today I opted for a tank top, the sweater we were given, biker shorts, and my running shoes. I don’t hurry for the first few turns throughout the hallway. Instead focus on braiding my hair and loosening up my joints before the run. Once I’ve finished I start into a jog and check my watch periodically to make sure I am on time. My memory of the twists and turns throughout the dark caverns is getting better as I am through the training door with ten minutes to spare today, taking my silent victory. I walk into the training room only to not see Eric. Confused I take a couple steps forward in no universe could I have beaten–
“What are you standing around for.” The voice makes me freeze, my body going tense and frigid.
My heart is in my throat, my first instinct is to bow my head when I have to remind myself that I’m not home– I’m not in Erudite. I force my head to turn anyways. Standing next to the door I had just walked through was Eric. His hair didn’t seem to have its normal style as the usually slicked back hair fell forward and slightly into his face. Without the gel and product the dirty blond locks look softer. Looking as unenthused as ever, arms crossed in a black compression long sleeve and black sweats. I hate the flush I feel that rushes up my neck. Now I find that my best option is to stare at the ground instead of the stormy eyes I find more often than not in my dreams and my nightmares.
“Well? Get on with it, I don’t repeat myself.” His sneer makes something deep in my chest ache along with his snippy attitude. I convince myself it is annoyance at his shitty tone but don’t waste anymore of his or my time.
I speed off towards one of the mats to stretch out like I had the morning before. Once again as I search the darkening compound Maybelline is nowhere to be found. I can’t imagine Eric letting her off easy for any longer than she already has. I am sure he finds her break a sign of weakness, and I can’t help but remember her name at the bottom of the board. Despite looking, I already know she isn’t here. Trying to ignore the pain that radiates from seemingly every fiber of my being, I stretch as best I can. Twisting and pulling forcing the blood to move through my muscles. My tongue feels significantly smaller than it did by the time I went to bed last night and even this morning. The ache in my back is evidence of my inability to sleep on my sides throughout the night. I have to ask that nurse where the serum was made, though I have an inkling it had to have been Erudite.
My watch gives off two high pitched beeps, my old alarm for having to get up, now my regular punishment time. I unfold from my bent form and silence it. Once the noise has stopped I try to simulate what Eric had done yesterday to track the progress of today’s run. The watch, though sleek, has three buttons on each side of its face. Chewing on my lip I try pressing each of the buttons. After a solid minute of button mashing and just confusing myself more. I have so far seen the timer, my breathing rate, and my body battery? Whatever the hell that is. I glance up and find Eric leaning on the wall still, scowling down at his own watch, I am assuming for different reasons.
I try once more to figure it out, to no avail. Groaning, lowly, it hits me what I have to do and the embarrassment burns deep in my throat. Before I lose the will, and before Eric can scold me, I jog off the mat and make my way towards him but he is already walking off towards the large opening in the side of the room. The scowl is still embedded in his face and I can tell he is getting ready to set a brutal pace for this morning. I scan him over, there is nothing I can grab onto to get his attention, unless I grab his sweats which would probably get me kicked out of Dauntless faster than I can say faction. So instead I snatch his wrist. The way his neck snaps back and the glowering look sets my skin ablaze. I want to let go, shrink away and have the floor swallow me whole.
Instead I hold his wrist tighter, he has to notice because he raises another eyebrow but looks like he is three seconds from tearing my hand from my wrists. Dropping his wrist I stick out my left hand where my watch sits and try to gesture for some sort of universal ‘help’ sign.
“What do you want?” I gesture to my watch and huff, “Speak up!” I growl lowly. I would fucking speak up if I could, but no part of me wants to stick out my tongue to show him the reason I can’t.
Instead I grab his hand and twist his wrist, firmly planting my wrist in his hand. Moving my eyes from his to the watch. He follows and I can almost physically see the light bulb go off in his head. Finally he turns over my hand in his own. The roughness of his fingertips shouldn’t surprise me, being a Dauntless leader and assuming he went through a similar initiation, but it does. It is very different from Aelius, whose hands are soft and comforting, Erics are rough and demanding, especially yanking at my wrist now.
“There, we’re ready now.” He dropped my wrist before mumbling “I am starting to understand why you transferred from Erudite.” Turning away from me.
Embarrassment runs hot through my veins as does annoyance. Eric has done nothing but mock my home faction, degrade, and embarrass me. Even if I wanted to, though I am not sure I could, no remarks leave my mouth. The silence seems to only irritate Eric further. When I don’t answer or comment really he shoots a glare over his shoulder. Pocketing the very clear irritation at the lack of response I give in the back of my mind. There is not much I can do, so I settle with just staring back, with narrowed eyes he turns back and starts to jog. I follow in pursuit as my earlier prediction comes to pass, Eric sets a brutal starting pace and even if I am keeping up my labored breathing doesn’t get him to slow down.
Since it is still dark out and Eric nor I evidently want, or can, talk to each other so the silence stays like a physical barrier between us. Although we had spoken yesterday and for most of the run, the distrust feels like a thick fog in my brain. No matter what other things I feel like the electricity I feel when I know he’s looking, the burn and roughness of his hands. The appreciation when he– NO! My nose scrunches up at even the notion that I appreciate Eric. Looking over, at first glance it would seem that the pace didn’t bother him. Being this close I can hear the puffs of air, and can’t help but notice the perspiration that gathers on the top of his brow. It takes actual effort to tear my gaze away from his profile. God forbid I get caught and have no way of explaining myself. All that we are left with is the pounding of footsteps on pavement, panting in my case, and the steady breathing from Eric. Following the same path we did yesterday and even with dawn on the horizon the surrounding buildings keep us hidden from the morning light. Despite that there are blue lights attached to the broken and half built structures around us. They give off just enough light to help guide us around the cracked ground. One that I have to navigate and hope that I will not have to stare at now that we’ve circled the outside compound a couple of times. It is cooler this morning so even though we are sweating I am not soaked yet. Though my legs ache and my feet hurt the rest of my body has seemed to relax after time.
The same cannot be said for Eric, he has said nothing to me except the barest acknowledgement this morning. I am semi grateful, every moment we’ve spent together has been continually irksome and confusing. Now as we turn the corner once again I glance back, the sun has graced us with her presence, finally. The blue lights slowly flicker off and the sun rises above the buildings.
His face is shiny with sweat droplets, and the piercings gleam in the morning sun. He unfortunately is strikingly handsome and I would be blind to ignore that. I don’t doubt he has women fawning over him down the halls of Dauntless. But simmering at the surface is a danger that makes my hair stand on end. I can see it in his eyes, one’s that remind me of my mother. Always calculating, always thinking, preparing for something no one else sees. It's then that the memory of a conversation pertaining to Eric's home faction. Now, here, nothing would surprise me if he told me that he came from Erudite. His cunning gray streaked eyes. The dirty blonde hair. All of it lines up, not that the other factions didn’t have traits like this as well. Then there was also yesterday, the nightmare that I had woken with throughout the night. Eric, just like mom, had the uncanny ability to force my hand in situations. There’s that sinking feeling again. No matter how hard I tried to escape, I will always be that unwilling puppet people can use. I belonged to the factions. And there pulling the strings is the one person I’m starting to detest.
I hate to admit it but yesterday’s sparring had shaken me, I can deny it no longer. But it was conflicting at best, I had hurt Aelius. Not by accident, it wasn’t even for my own personal gain, it was for his . Nothing good seems to come my way when Eric’s around. Peering up, much like myself he seems to be lost in thought. But then again maybe Eric here is a blessing, a really awful blessing. Don’t I want to be the best, what am I doing here if not proving her wrong. I am here now but why. My chest aches, the fucking sprint pace we’re at isn’t helping, but I am not stupid. Despite what everyone says, I am from Erudite. It reminds me of when I would be put at odds back home, mom would drag me to the lab on school days, to try and grab Jeanine’s attention. To be put in our leaders' good graces, then turn around and correct me for not being at the top of my class. For missing school and not understanding assignments. I know this feeling all too well. I need to get my priorities in order, and where would a curly haired hazel eyed boy fit into them, would he ever?
“Do you need something?” Eric grunts, his eyes flickering to mine. I shake my head quickly, staring back at the cracked earth around us, Jesus I had been staring the whole time. A low rumbling causes a shiver to race down my already slick back. “Stop thinking so loud, you’re giving me a headache.” My brows furrow, give him a headache? I am the one suffering in every physical way right now. This time instead of gawking I glare at the side of his head. Forget the blessings, he’s just a nuisance.
Once again I am thankful for the front of the training building that we have passed only a couple times. As we get closer I glance down at my watch, it reads 6.33mi. Luckily for me Eric starts to slow, which I do in tandem. I partly wish to keep going, though my lungs appreciate the air I am able to gulp down, my body yearns to lie down. I make a compromise and hunch over, with shuddering breaths and clammy hands. We are only four days into our ten week regiment. Most of which I’ve spent around the young leader just feet in front of me. Who seems completely unfazed by the six mile run we’ve just completed with a simple raise of his t-shirt. I purposefully avoid looking in towards the dangerously low v-line of his sweats.
I am entirely too hot now for the wrong reasons and try to focus on breathing in a way that doesn’t bring any more throbbing to the inside of my mouth.
“What are you, mute now?” I can only huff at his snarkiness, not a good idea when a sharp twinge makes me groan. Even if the piercing had gone down significantly it was still sore. “Why are you whining now?”
Okay chatty Cathy, what is he on about? He is half turned towards me now, shirt still in hand showing off how unfairly built he is. I again try to keep my eyes anywhere but his figure. I simply shrug hoping he drops it, and his shirt while he’s at it. It is finally quiet, and the warmth in my face though simmering feels like it’s dying down. I stand once again, it has to be close to seven now, which means— Eric. A very irritated looking Eric, who is much too close, compared to where he was previously.
My breath is caught in my chest, and that’s where I want it to stay. It feels illegal that I should be breathing the same air as him. Maybe it’s the authority he holds, or the fact that he knows exactly how to use it but I can’t help the image of my steely eyed mother looming over me.
“Okay, what is with the silent treatment.” It isn’t a question, nothing with him ever truly is. Part of me wonders if he is omnipresent because despite his questions, I doubt he doesn’t know everything going on behind closed doors.
Still I can’t give him the answer he wants, or in this case is demanding. Damn the fear, even though I can guarantee he will know. I cross my arms anyhow and shrug. The smallest twitch of his eyebrow is quite telling of his growing frustrations.
“I asked you a question, initiate.”
Jesus can this guy give up already. For someone who complains about those around him, he seems quite discontented with my lack of speech. I throw my hands up in exasperation, unsure of what else he could really want from me. The action seals my fate because before my arms even reach my sides Eric’s hand is gripping my jaw in a bruising grasp. With his index and thumb squeezing so hard into joints where my jaw meets,
“Ow wother fucker-” The movement of my tongue hurts, but not as much as I thought it would have. More like the feeling of someone or something gripping your tongue really hard. I try to shake him off but to no avail.
“What-” I can’t finish the sentence because Eric is pulling down my bottom jaw, I can’t stop it but I don’t even have the thought to, when all I can focus on is the sharpened eyes staring directly into my mouth.
The grip on my face hurts increasingly but so does the knot in my stomach. Eric is staring, but I’m not even sure you can call it staring. More like if a tiger was being hand fed a gazelle on a silver platter. The puffs of air seem thunderous to my own ears, I feel bare, and the sweat soaking my clothes makes me all too aware of the shiver that rakes down my spine all the way down my legs.
After what feels like an eternity, and then some, his eyes finally leave my mouth and find my eyes, which haven’t left him for a moment. I wish he hadn’t because the thoughts swirling in the depths of his gaze makes me want to run. To where I’m not sure. All that was clear is that I needed to get away, now.
“So this is what you’ve been hiding,”
Has his voice always been that octave? Not the point, but to salvage any dignity I had left I dig from pits of hell and bring my hand up to his wrist. Still currently holding my mouth open. I am sure he lets me pull his hand from my face but it still takes a significant amount of strength to pry his fingers from my jaw. Once it's off I rub the sore spots and glower.
“I wasnit iding anyting.” Okay, note, the lisp makes me sound stupid. It also doesn’t help me get the point across to the idiot standing across from me. Looking way too pleased with himself, no, not pleased. Mocking.
“Thut up.” I try again, and the quirk in his lip gives away that this is in fact not working in my favor.
“You made this more difficult than it had to be, you know that right?” The rhetorical question makes my skin itch, there is practically no room between us when I take a step forward.
There is a stark difference in our temperatures, one that makes a full blown quiver start at my lower back and shoot through my feet. It also doesn’t help that since we’ve stopped running that firecrackers have been going off in my legs like a celebration.
“Yeth becauthe opening my mouth for myth instructor ith thomesthing I wanna do,” Under the frustration and a little bit of fear. I feel the simmering of what could be confidence, accomplishment–
“It’s what someone thinks you do,” Light blinds me from the two studs in Eric's brow.
Actually it might be the white hot anger that starts like a fire in my stomach, burning away the butterflies leaving nothing but ash in its wake. Grabbing a fist full of his stupid tight ass shirt, a large hand encircles my wrist. Whatever persona that had been there before is gone, playful, cocky, teasing Eric was back to his regularly intimidating leadership role. His grip isn’t as strong as it was before, but still discomforting and almost painful.
“Careful initiate,” This time it was his turn to lean down towards me. “I am still very much in charge here.” His breath wisps across my face, involuntarily making my lashes flutter.
There he goes again, telling me to be careful when he is the one to start it. Whatever this is. Ripping my wrist from his hand I side step him completely, cutting my eyes I cock my head. Just behind him I can see a figure just in the large exit we came out of just an hour before. Stepping past him I can’t help but scoff,
“Then keep me in line.” It’s the only sentence I’ve said so far that comes out sounding normal.
Too bad the sentence was practically another target on my back for my only other instructor. I can practically feel the air crackle with electricity when he spins around. Before he can do anything about it, I know he sees the person making their way towards us from the entrance just a hundred yards away. His presence looms over me even as I walk away, riding on the high of adrenaline keeps me facing forward. Even though every cell in my body screams to turn around. To apologize and take back what I’ve said. What I would have done if I was in Erudite, it’s getting easier to take a breath and steel myself, I am home and I am brave. I focus on the crunch of the stone turning to gravel instead of my erratic heart, or the quaking in my knees, slow even breaths.
“What the hell happened to you?”
Oh right. Maybelline. I am met halfway by the bruised and tired looking female. We hadn’t spoken since dinner last night, and even though she tried I could tell the rankings had affected her. I mean they affected me and I’m fifth overall, but the candor in her still held strong. Her red rimmed eyes, puffy hair, and disheveled clothing made it easy to read her.
I ignore the instinct to rub at my sore jaw, I didn’t need to give her anymore reason to dislike me if she even had an inkling of what just transpired. Instead I deflect
“The same thing that’s happening to all of us,” I mutter, noticing that my speech, although still funky sounding, came out normally.
I want to celebrate but instead reserve it, I still had the whole day ahead of me. Maybelline rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, “Some worse off than others,” and just like that my mood worsens. The rankings are really taking a toll on her, but I am interrupted before I can offer any sort of comfort.
“Initiate you’ve run the compound before haven’t you?” Eric’s chilling voice appears behind me, though for the first time since I’ve gotten here it’s at a respectable distance.
I step besides Maybelline and face him as well, dread, like rolling tides, appear in my stomach. There is no way he is going to make me run for another hour, but his attention isn’t on me. It’s directed towards my left and is unwavering. Something like contempt clouds his eyes, and my worry is no longer for me.
“Once, but I haven't-” Her explanation is interrupted when Eric strides past both of us,
“Then start running.” it isn’t a question,
I turn towards Maybelline whose mouth is agape before she turns on her heel, “But I don’t know–”
“Did I ask?” Eric's glare might as well have been one of our actual throwing knives, because it pieces through the air. Maybelline looks lost, and unable to string together any sort of retort but I can,
“Eric, that's not fair and you know it!” I bark at him, and now his fatal attention has fallen back onto me. As it should, I caused him to be in a pissed off mood, he shouldn’t be taking it out on her. With his still unforgiving glare he cuts me just as deep,
“I don’t remember asking you for your opinion,” He turns fully facing us, more specifically turning more to face me and once again taking a deliberate step forward. “And if I am remembering correctly this is a punishment for a fight you started.” With another step he is towering over me, “A fight that I could still have you sent to the factionless for,” He sneers, like I am no more than shit on the bottom of his boot.
My earlier confidence has vanished, replaced by a pounding heart and trembling hands. His intense gaze feels suffocating, reminiscent of the day he gripped my throat. Just like Maybelline, I’m rendered speechless. The reality of my situation overwhelms me, triggering my instincts. I lower my eyes, tucking my chin protectively as if my hair could shield me, as it once did back in Erudite, when I am quickly reminded that it is wrapped firmly into a ponytail. My clammy hands involuntarily clench into fists.
“Ren it’s alright-” Maybelline voice creeps from behind me before she’s cut off by Eric’s very loud and judgmental scoff.
I can’t stop the flinch that assaults my body, I also can’t control the racing thoughts that accompany the urge to hide. I made a mistake, I wasn’t built for this, I’m no better than the girl who left Erudite. I’m weak, and afraid, still so afraid but beneath the fear, the embarrassment, the anger, and disdain. There’s something different this time, a warmth in my chest, something I never felt when I was back home. It’s separate from the icy chill that would open up and swallow me whole. I want to fight, I need to fight. With just a glance up I can’t read Eric’s face, his eyebrows are set and his eyes are narrowed in a way that I can’t decipher if he is judging or testing me. He is just as stoic as the first day I saw him on that rooftop, but one thing I have learned is that anything with Eric is usually a bad sign. And even though it has been only a handful of days since I’ve started to create a life here Dauntless, I still have to pick my battles.
I unfurl my hands, and I tear my gaze away from Eric, he isn’t subtle with the way his chest puffs out in victory over another one of our standoffs. There's a bitterness in the back of my mouth that seems to linger. Turning on my heel I face Maybelline and catch the cautiousness in her eyes. It is quick when I grab her wrist and squeeze it,
“Look, the compound is huge, it should take you roughly an hour to get through it by yourself.” I spit out hastily. Ignoring the throbbing pain that radiates from my tongue as I try to speak clear and concisely to try and help Maybelline who was just unlucky enough to get in what feels like crossfire. Her eyes widen with apprehension and a retort lingers on her lips but I shake my head,
“Listen to me,” I don’t give her time to interrupt, with my other hand I point to the ground where there are scuffed shoe marks. “Most of where you run there are going to be foot markers, fresh ones.” Lifting my hand to follow the retreating marks we had left just an hour before making sure she knows which marks I mean.
“Follow those and you should be fine, even when you’re tired just don’t stop, you’ll be back here before you know it.” I don’t know why I reassure her, but when her eyes meet mine, dread is all I can see. Squeezing her wrist one last time is all the comfort I can offer before slightly shoving her off. Knowing Eric just heard me instruct her on how to run the compound I can’t help but think that he would’ve made her take a different route if she stayed long enough. So I don’t give him the chance.
Maybelline doesn’t look back as she sprints off in the direction I led her in, I cringe internally knowing she’ll be exhausted before even hitting the halfway mark. Even though she was technically cleared from her concussion, I’m aware of the lingering side effects that head trauma can cause. A six mile run shouldn’t even be allowed, but that’s the last worry I’m allowed to have when Eric grabs my bicep. Dragging me into the training room,
“You don’t seem to follow orders very well, initiate.” I’m scolded once again despite that it feels more like a passing comment than a real reprimand. However, that doesn’t negate that Eric’s grip is suffocating, actually scratch that, Eric himself is suffocating. He is radiating with pent up aggression, so much in fact that not only is my arm suffering from it but there is a vein ticking in his jaw. I know he’s pissed, actually probably more irate now than ever.
Not only had I, in his mind: given him the silent treatment, hidden something from him, blatantly helped out what supposed to be my competition, but with a big old cherry on top basically told him to be a better leader by keeping me in line. I had signed and sealed my fate with my fucking attitude. I try not to fight Eric’s grip and brutal pace inside. I would be reminiscent of the fact that Eric has had me in a similar position just two days ago, however it doesn’t bring back fond memories. My legs can hardly keep up with the forward momentum, after the brutal run I had endured and had promptly sent Maybelline on it seemed I was the only one affected. Eric barely had a darker ring right at the base of his neck where his long sleeve started. Even though it’s cooler inside than it is out, I’m still slick with sweat which I know has made my skin sticky. The thought shouldn’t make me as self conscious as I am currently feeling seeing as I’m about to be put to death.
My pondering is cut short when Eric finally lets go of my arm, yanking it back I rub where his hand was previously as a tingly feeling takes over as blood rushes back through my arm. Eric, ever the man on a mission, quickly unties his boots and sets them aside. Stepping onto the sparring mat he glowers at me over his shoulder.
“Unless you want me to do it for you, take off your shoes and hurry up.” Unlike before when I could tell when he was taunting me, now it seemed I had actually hit a nerve. I do as told, ignoring the nerves that make my hands shake while untying my shoes. The only other time he seemed this upset, even though upset feels inadequate, was when I had stopped the fight between Maybelline and I. Unsure if Eric chose this mat on purpose I grab my previously folded jacket from before our run and place it next to Eric's boots and place my shoes on top of it. All the while Eric is staring me down, arms crossed while a ticking muscle in his jaw.
I step onto the mat unsure of what exactly was next,
“It looks like your little Abnegation boyfriend is rubbing off on you” Eric's sneer felt violent and degrading as if associating with Aelius lowered my own status as a human being. Though I doubted Eric saw any of the initiates as people.
I couldn't help but bounce on the balls of my feet, I had explained this to both Eric and Maybelline countless times. No one seemed to want to listen, even worse Eric seemed to want to punish me for a reason I could not place.
A smirk that more than sinfully and teetered on the edge of maliciousness slipped onto his lips, “I’m going to fix that."
Notes:
Kudos and Comments are so greatly appreciated, (I'll kiss you on the forehead.)
BlackRose808 on Chapter 6 Tue 12 Dec 2023 11:52AM UTC
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