Chapter Text
A pounding headache.
A throbbing, aching, feeling– as if someone had ripped open his skull and begun prodding at his brain. Sorin’s eyes remained shut as the pain set in, cold air stiffly biting at his skin. He could feel that he wasn’t wearing his hoodie, though he felt something wrapped around his arms and torso. He couldn’t look, though. He could only grit his teeth and mumble curses under his breath as the throbbing continued. The floor was chilled and rough beneath him, and, although his black thigh-high stockings and athletic shorts only provided a thin shield, he was thankful for it all the same.
Testing the waters, he cracked one eye open to finally try and take in his surroundings. He gasped as his eyes shot open in awe. Beautiful blue crystals jutted out from the walls and ceiling, sparkling in the dim light of what appeared to be a cave. A brilliantly elegant chandelier dangled above him from the high ceiling. He could just barely make out delicate engravings in the golden framework of it. He turned his head to the side, glancing down as he heard the faint jingle of chains. Just as he’d suspected, a long link of them dangled from his neck and rested its end somewhere out of view. He noticed that it ran across a rather royal-looking long, red carpet as well. He attempted to bring a hand up to touch the cold metal that he now could feel around his throat, but found that he could merely struggle. His thoughts drew back to the “something” wrapped around him that he could now identify as rope. The coarseness of it dug into his arms and the skin of his waist, only his chest being protected by the soft fabric of his black crop-top. It was tied in a series of knots that bound his arms behind his back and pressed his wrists up against each other. Feeling around the little that he could, his fingertips grazed the rope as he felt it pointing upwards. He could assume based on the pressure he felt on the back of his neck that they were somehow tied to the metal clamped around it.
How had he gotten here? At first, he wasn’t too concerned with the fact that he was tied up with a nasty headache in some strange place– because, let’s be honest, he’d woken up that way too many times to count in the past. However, as he tried to recollect his memories before waking up, his concern grew. He had gone out for drinks with Mysterium. His friend had called him up a few days prior and invited him out. Sorin had wanted to confess to him that night, but… he got cold feet. But he invited Mysterium back home, there was still time! And then… And then he woke up here.
So, then… where was Mysterium?
Was he tied up somewhere too?! Was he in danger?! Sorin’s heart dropped to his stomach as he felt a dryness overtake his throat. Dread drained the color from his already pale skin as he frantically looked around the room again. “MYSTERIUM?!” His voice was sore and cracking from lack of use and his headache boiled over into an unbearable scream as he cried out, but he was too terrified to care. If something had happened to Mysterium he would never forgive himself. He had to find him.
“ MYSTERIUM ?!” He cried out again, hot tears threatening his eyes as the fear fully set in. What if he was hurt? Or worse ?! It was all his fault, he should’ve tried to protect him! What even happened ?! He still couldn't fully remember. He would kick himself if he could, but his legs were numb underneath him and he was too busy shredding his throat to try and do anything but continue to scream.
The distant clacking of footsteps caused him to fall silent, a mixture of fear and hope igniting within the pit his heart had left when it fell. He bit his bottom lip anxiously as an imposing shadow appeared against the crystals, fragmenting and breaking against the uneven surface of the rock. Sorin instinctively shuffled backwards, realizing in horror that whoever was approaching must be the culprit. What did this person want with him? Had they hurt his beloved Mysterium?! He’d much rather they hurt him instead– maybe there was still time to plead for his friend’s release.
And then he rounded the corner.
And Sorin nearly choked on his own relief.
“MYSTERIUM, Y-YOU’RE OKAY?!” He attempted to stand, to run to his friend and hold him and cry into his shoulder, but his trembling legs failed him. He tripped backwards, falling hard on his backside and bashing his already aching skull into some sort of pillar that had apparently been behind him. A thought flashed across his mind to check if there was any blood in the mess of his white hair, but he couldn’t, what with being tied up like this. He cursed himself again, wanting nothing more than to rest his face against Mysterium’s chest. He couldn’t care less about all the pain he was in now that he was sure his friend was safe. He wanted so badly to cover him in thankful kisses, to just be in his arms. He was so relieved .
“You’re av’ake? Took you long enough.”
And just as quickly his relief drained.
“M-Mysterium?” Sorin’s voice shook, confusion and pain and dizziness all forming a cacophony of complicated feelings that struggled to make sense of anything around him. He suddenly realized how tired he was. He wanted to get this over with and go to sleep.
He watched as Mysterium continued approaching him, his face twisted in a scowl as he held his decorative cane behind him. “Don’t call me z’hat,” he growled, an animalistic snarl tugging at his lips. If Sorin hadn’t been so frightened he would have found it rather attractive.
“My name is Matthew,” he spat out, still making his way pointedly towards the rather pitiful looking man. Sorin finally took notice of the way his friend looked before him. His mind hadn’t been the sharpest since he had woken up, and his eyesight– despite his glasses –was rather fuzzy.
Mysterium’s usually fluffy-yet-neat cobalt blue hair was now a spikey mess as it fell against his shoulders. He had abandoned his bright blue turtleneck in exchange for a paler button up beneath his deep navy vest that broke off into beautiful ruffles at the wrists. The vest was also different from his usual one, having a notched collar and coattails. Alongside those, he sported a white ruffled cravat held in place by a bright blue ovular broach. His pants were about the same, being black dress-pants of sorts, but they tucked into a pair of rather intimidating black boots with the ever-so-slightest bit of heel to them. He looked cold. He looked dark. He looked… wrong .
“Mysterium…” Sorin breathed out, raking his eyes over the man as he finally came to a halt in front of him. A flash of anger lit across the man’s face as his brilliant blue eyes seemed to glow with rage from behind the blue-tinted frames of his small round glasses. “I SAID ,” he began, reaching his free hand down to grab at the chain and pull Sorin back onto his knees with rather excessive force. “My name is MATTHEW! ” He let go of the chain again, letting Sorin fall back onto the floor with a muffled thud . Sorin’s body went limp with pain as he collided with the hard stone again, his jaw aching from where it had collided with the rough surface.
This wasn’t Mysterium. It couldn’t be. Mysterium would never do this to him– and he hated it when Sorin called him Matthew! He had always said it felt weird, that even though that was his real name he felt like Mysterium had always been more… right for him. Something had happened. Maybe Sorin hadn’t been the only one to sustain multiple blows to the head. But whatever it was, something was wrong. Very wrong.
Matthew turned from him and Sorin watched him walk away from his place on the floor. He heard the clacking of boots turn to soft footsteps on carpet, and then a pause. Then a huff . And then he felt something tugging at his neck. It was gentler this time, more of an encouragement than the forced yank from before. His tired eyes turned as much as they could towards where he had seen Matthew go. The chain seemed to follow that path as well, and Sorin could see it gently moving. After a moment of struggling he managed to get back up onto his knees and turned fully in Matthew’s direction. The large pillar he had been in front of was mirrored on the other side, two giant blue diamonds resting on the top like some kind of trophy. Behind them, the cave tapered off into a smaller alcove. The red carpet he had noticed before led up a short series of steps toward the most ethereal throne to probably ever exist. That was what the chain had been connected to. It was made of crystals and gold, gorgeous plush cushions colored a deep purple resting in the center. And there, on the throne, sat Matthew. One leg was crossed over the other and his cane rested against the arm of the gorgeous chair. The crystals seemed to burst from the headrest like some sort of crown as he rested nobly against it. He had one arm laying on his knee while the other had the chain wrapped around it. He held it sternly in one of his gloved hands, the black cloth just barely encasing his fingers and palms.
Sorin gulped as he watched Matthew tug on the chain once more, slightly harder this time. His eyes were still full of malice as he glared deep into Sorin’s own. He didn’t want to risk not obeying, so he reluctantly began to shuffle his way towards the throne on his knees. He felt conflicted again. As his throat dried and his breathing grew unsteady he knew that in any other situation he would’ve happily let Mysterium pull him closer by what was essentially a leash. His mind had wandered to similar thoughts in the darkness of the night– in his loneliest and most depraved hours. Why was it happening now? Why was it happening like this ? Was this a dream? It didn’t feel like one. It didn’t look like one. But it didn’t look like reality, either. It was as if Sorin was looking in a mirror that reflected back the most twisted depiction of the very recesses of his mind. He’d had nightmares. Bad ones. But this wasn’t in his head. He knew that for sure.
He felt the rugburn settle in on his knees as he came to a halt a few feet in front of Matthew. A moment passed before the taller man tugged on the chain again, having pulled the excess length along as Sorin had approached. “Closer,” he hissed through his teeth. Sorin had no choice but to oblige. He shuffled over until his nose was nearly brushing against Matthew’s knee, wincing at the worsening pain on his own. Matthew uncrossed his legs and, still holding onto the steel, motioned towards himself. Was he telling Sorin that he still wasn’t close enough? He couldn’t get much closer. Was he telling him to sit , then?
“Up,” came the blunt answer to his question. Sorin stared at him, his bright yellow and blue eyes wide with confusion. Matthew sighed, grumbling irritably as he lifted his other hand to rub his temple, letting his eyes shut for a moment. They snapped open again as he tugged once more, causing Sorin’s body to jolt forward with the force of it. “Didn’t you hear me ? UP , Sorin, are you DEAF?! ” He continued to yank at the chains as if to punctuate his command, causing Sorin to pull back a bit in protest.
“Okay, Okay! Geez– calm down , okay?!” Sorin shook his head a bit, slightly regretting it as he felt his brain pulsate in agony again. Matthew snarled , but let the chains remain still. “ Don’t tell me v’hat to do ,” came the low growl from deep within his throat. Sorin looked back up at him, a pang of misery reverberating within him. What happened to you?
Eventually he managed to lean himself against the throne, attempting to ignore the rather inappropriate placement of his head as he did so. He used the leverage to lift himself up onto his feet a bit, although he began to tip backwards before he could get up onto the throne as ordered. His legs were still numb and his knees were on fire from the agonizing trip over from the bottom of the staircase. Before he could fully fall backwards again, however, he felt a hand roughly grab at his hair, holding onto a fistful of white and pale blue from the streak that ran down the right side of his face. Sorin let out a light whimper as he felt Matthew’s grip tighten against his head, tugging out even more waves of pain from his already screaming headache. Before he could steady himself again, he felt another hand wrap around the cold metal against his neck as Matthew pulled him forcefully onto his lap. He let out a little yelp as his hair felt like it was being yanked right out of his scalp, not to mention how sore his neck had grown.
Sorin quickly scrambled for purchase on Matthew’s lap, getting no help as he attempted to find a way to sit where he was confident he wouldn’t fall back onto the floor. He leaned forward, panting heavily as he rested his forehead against the other man’s chest, his heaving breaths pathetic in comparison to the evenness of the other’s rhythmic rise and fall.
He just couldn’t understand it. What happened to Mysterium? Why was he being so mean ? What had this cruel thing done with the sweet, loving, adorable man he had fallen in love with?
Sorin slowly lifted his gaze to meet Matthew’s again, flinching at the coldness that greeted him. Sorin’s eyes welled up with tears again as his breathing became ragged and stutter-y. “What… Wh-at hap-pened to you…?” He could feel the hiccuping of sobs try to break apart his words as he forced the question out. His limbs began to tremble against the warmth of Matthew’s body, no longer cold yet so, so very bitter. He searched for any hint of the person he loved so dearly behind those vacant, empty, horrible eyes, yet there was nothing left. He let the sobs come. There was nothing left to stop them.
Matthew stared at Sorin as he began to cry pitifully in his lap, hands twitching slightly from their places on the armrests. Something deep down inside him instinctively wanted to do something , but it was buried far enough that he didn’t particularly care. He let the man cry, watching as he struggled to keep himself upright. As Sorin fought with his eyes to keep them open, he let himself fall forward again, burying his face against Matthew’s chest once more.
“WHAT ARE YOU?!” It was a guttural sob that made Matthew flinch ever so slightly. He had never heard Sorin so desperate, so agonizingly pained . His throat was audibly raw. It was… honestly a little flattering. All of this for him? What a treat .
He let a hand wander along the back of Sorin’s head for a moment before grabbing another fistful of hair and yanking his head back to look at him again. The crumpled man let out a strained cry as the pain broke into his sobs, causing them to quiet down into a softer noise. His puffy, reddened eyes stared longingly at Matthew, as if he was begging for something. Was it mercy? No, no. Not that. Something else. Tears streamed down his face as he sniffed hard , unable to wipe it clean. Matthew smirked a bit, taking in the pitiful sight.
“Look at you,” he murmured softly, flicking his free wrist and producing a handkerchief from seemingly nowhere. “You’re such a mess ,” he taunted. Lifting the cloth up, he moved to wipe the tears from Sorin’s face. The other man flinched, turning away in fear. Matthew scowled. He let go of his hair and brought his newly free hand around to Sorin’s face, grabbing his cheeks with his fingers and forcing him still. The smirk returned to his face as he began to wipe the soft cloth against the other’s. “Can’t have you looking like z’hat v’hen they find you, now can v’e? Hm, pet ?”
Sorin sniffled again as he took in the words, his sobs having died down to the occasional hiccup-y breath. When they find me? Who’s they ? Where even am I? Wait– pet???
The gears turning in his mind must’ve been visible as Matthew chuckled , a deep and throaty thing. It was malicious. He tucked the handkerchief away in his pocket as he finished wiping Sorin’s face, reaching again for the chain that rested next to him. Sorin’s wide, fearful eyes followed the hand as it grabbed onto the steel again. He watched as Matthew’s dexterous fingers wrapped it around his knuckles and– almost lovingly –gave a gentle tug. Sorin’s gaze flicked back up to Matthew as he began to speak again.
“You, mein liebes Haustier , are z’he bait .”
Sorin was even more confused now. Bait? Bait for what?! “Myst– … Matthew ,” he cringed as he spoke, as if uttering the name left a sour taste in his mouth. “First off,” he paused, fighting off another string of sobs before clearing his throat. “First, y-you know I have no clue what you just said to me. S…Second… Second, I-I just don’t know what you’re talking about!” His pleading eyes were battling more tears as he gazed into the cold, still-smirking face before him. “Why are we here? Where are we?! Why are you being weird and mean and… and why aren’t you… you ?!” Another tear trickled down Sorin’s face as he bit his lip to choke back more anguish. He wanted to keep his composure, he wanted to talk this out and hopefully get some kind of answer. Although… The gentleness with which Matthew had dried his tears had been a welcome change of pace from everything else so far. Perhaps if he really let himself go he could coax out another tender moment…
Matthew let out a bitter laugh , letting go of Sorin’s face and propping up his own as he leaned onto his closed fist. “You lot z’hrow me to z’he v’ayside– abandon me like some useless nobody –and don’t expect me to be bitter about it?” His lips had curled into a disturbingly hollow smile, his eyes remaining unsettlingly wide. It sent a chill down Sorin’s spine. “What do you mean…?” His voice was as shaky as his breath. True, maybe he had been a bit… distant for a little while, but he hadn’t abandoned Mysterium!
…
…had he…?
“Oh, Sorin,” came the slightly exasperated yet playfully sympathetic reply. “You simple minded fool, alv’ays so naive.” Matthew smiled a bit, humming slightly. “That’s v’hy I alv’ays liked you, I suppose.” Sorin didn’t know whether to feel offended or relieved. “You did keep me around z’he longest,” Matthew continued. “Long after z’he rest stopped caring.” His smile fell back into a scowl as he turned his head to the side. The mess of his hair fell across his darkened eyes as he muttered under his breath, “Z’hey’ll care soon enough.”
He whipped his head back to Sorin, causing the man to flinch again. “But z’hen,” he growled, leaning forward. His knuckles gripped the edges of the armrests as he encroached into Sorin’s space, his breathing audible as their noses practically touched. Sorin felt his heartbeat quicken, though out of fear or some sick and primal state of arousal he couldn’t be sure. Matthew’s breath was hot against his face as he continued to speak, his voice remaining a low growl. “ Z’hen , Sorin… YOU left me TOO ! You… You’re just like Z’HEM ! YOU BACKSTABBING PIECE OF–”
He paused. Sucked in a breath . Shut his eyes. Leaned back in his chair. The heat was gone, as was the crackling anger that had lit up the air a moment before. “ Ruhig, ruhig… ” he muttered softly to himself, inhaling deeply before puffing out a drawn-out breath .
When he opened his eyes they locked with Sorin’s again. The quivering man was practically dripping with fear as he sat like a mouse in the maw of a lion. He felt so small, so helpless there on Matthew’s lap. And yet… he couldn’t even bring himself to attempt escape. It wasn’t even that he knew he would fail, or the fact that he still had no idea where he even was , or the fact that he was bound and chained like some sort of circus animal . Part of him didn’t want to run. Part of him felt like he didn’t deserve to. Mathew was right.
“Mysterium, I–”
“ Matthew .”
Sorin kept staring pathetically up at him, fighting back tears long enough to say his peace. “Matthew… I…I’m sorry .” He squeezed his eyes shut and tilted his head away. “I’m so sorry . I… I shouldn’t have pushed you away, I– I didn’t want to! I just… I thought… if I did… I… I didn’t want you to hate me… I thought it would go away if I… b-but it didn’t . I-I was gonna tell you, I-I swear! But… But then… I-I don’t know what happened, I-I woke up here… I didn’t get the chance–”
Matthew slapped a hand over his mouth to stop the broken sentences from flowing past his lips. He roughly dragged his thumb across Sorin’s closed mouth, as if to seal it, and brought his hand to rest at his cheek. He tilted Sorin’s head back up to look him in the eyes, mild confusion present in his expression. “Sorin, v’hat are you on about? You’re babbling like a miserable buffoon.”
Sorin’s face twisted with pain as he tried to make sense of his own thoughts. “I-I was gonna tell you… I was gonna apologize, first, I just…” He shut his eyes for a moment and sucked in a breath , steadying his shaking voice. It was beginning to sound raspy from the beatings it had taken over the course of his time awake. “ I pushed you away because I didn’t want you to find out that– that I… Look– Mysterium, Matthew, whoever the Hell you are anymore! –I’ve been in love with you since the moment we met, okay?! I just– didn’t want you to find out… I thought you’d hate me, or worse– leave me. The last thing I ever wanted was to lose you, okay?! And I… Well, I guess I fucked up pretty big with that, didn’t I…”
The room was silent. Sorin couldn’t bear to look up anymore, squeezing his eyes shut and holding his breath. He didn’t want to make a sound, maybe if he held his breath long enough he would simply die and not have to deal with this. But eventually the silence was broken– just barely –by Matthew’s quiet whisper.
“Sorin, I… You should have told me.”
Sorin’s eyes snapped open and he glared halfheartedly up at Matthew. “Well yeah I know that now don’t I?! It’s too late, I… I obviously already hurt you.” He felt Matthew’s hand lift off his cheek and come slamming back down, stinging slightly.
“Ow– Hey –!”
“Sorin, are you insane ?!” Matthew’s voice was growing louder again, sounding angry, but… less angry at Sorin. “I kidnapped you– I tied you up and you’re z’hinking z’hat you’re z’he v’orst one here?!” His eyes were wide and frantic, almost as if he was scared. He glanced away, scowling to himself as he muttered under his breath, “I’m a fucking idiot… !”
“What–?” Sorin attempted to question him but was cut off when Matthew swung his head back around, gripping Sorin by the shoulders. “I v’as WRONG , okay?! Z’here, I said it! I v’as wrong! I z’hought you just– but you still… i-it doesn’t matter, z’hey all still did it, I KNOW z’hey did!”
Sorin stared at him, fear continuing to rise as Matthew seemed to grow more and more deranged by the minute. His wide blue eyes were cast downwards as he mumbled incoherently to himself, occasionally laughing quietly until he finally snapped his head back up to face Sorin. “I-It’s a good z’hing I… I still favored you, Sorin! You know… I-I could have gotten z’hem all to acknowledge me again if I just…” Matthew’s hands were slowly inching towards Sorin’s neck, working their way above the metal and ever so delicately around his throat. He squeezed a little bit, causing the terrified man to gasp as his eyes widened even more, dread completely overwhelming him. Matthew let out a deranged chuckle as he pulled his hands away, instead cupping Sorin’s face with them.
Sorin’s breath was fast and shaky as he watched the imposing figure before him giggle almost ecstatically at himself. “I could have done so many z’hings to make z’hem notice me, Sorin. But… I didn’t…! No, you know v’hy?” Sorin hesitantly shook his head, fear gripping him completely. It was as if he wasn’t in control of his own body anymore. He could only move in response to Matthew. He was scared to do anything else. There was no telling what this man would do to him if he took one step out of line. He had no idea who this man was anymore. He was like a caricature, a twisted, gruesome thing before him.
“You silly z’hing,” Matthew began again, mouth twisted into a horrific impersonation of a smile. “Because, Sorin! I like you! I v’anted to keep you around, my little pet, isn't z’hat obvious?” Sorin blinked, unable to do anything but breathe– and he could barely even do that. Matthew dragged his fingers down Sorin’s face as he let one of his hands gently travel along the man’s body. Down his neck, his shoulder, his arm– so exquisitely immobilized against him, it had taken so much practice to get those restraints correct –and coming to rest on his waist. Matthew’s smile was wide as he followed the trajectory of his gloved hand with his insatiable eyes. He felt so in control like this… so important . It was the greatest drug and it flowed through his veins, invigorating his every breath with a hungry fire.
Sorin was trembling in his hold, his own eyes fixed on Matthew’s hand as well. He felt like he was about to throw up. He had never been this scared in all his life. Especially not around Mysterium. But, this wasn’t Mysterium. So it made sense.
He turned his terrified eyes back towards Matthew’s when he heard a soft ‘hum’ come from him. It had been a rollercoaster of emotions this entire experience, and– with the fond way Matthew was eying him, and dragging his thumb across his skin… –it certainly wasn't about to end anytime soon.
“I’m going to keep you here,” he murmured, almost soothingly as he kept his eyes locked on where his gloved hand met Sorin’s pale skin. “Z’hat v’ay you’ll never leave me again, Sorin… And z’hen v’hen z’he oz’hers find you… oh, Sorin…!” His terrifyingly soft voice was euphoric as he slowly met Sorin’s gaze once more. He looked completely and utterly gone. His pupils were fuzzy, his smile lazy and content… it would have been a comforting or even beautiful sight given any other circumstances. “It v’ill be just like old times, Sorin…! Except everyv’one v’ill pay attention to me, oh , v’on’t it be v’onderful , Sorin?”
The shorter man felt tears once again threatening him. What had become of his precious detective? The once lovably awkward man whom he had worked with, gone drinking with, had movie nights with, Hell– he’d even begged him to come over in the middle of the night to comfort him a few times –how could he have become… this …?
Sorin tried to place a hand to Matthew’s cheek before remembering his bonds, a tear slipping from his eye and down his face. “Sorin, v’hat’s wrong?” Matthew quickly wiped the tear away with his thumb, still cupping his face with one hand. “I z’hought you loved me, z’h-z’hat’s v’hat you said, right? Don’t you v’ant to be here v’ith me?!” Sorin’s spine went rigid before he bent forward, tears streaming down his face again. “I loved Mysterium! A-And I… God , I miss him so bad …! I-I just want him back, please, I-I’ll do anything just let me go back and fix this–!”
There was a loud smack.
And a thud.
And then silence.
Sorin was on his side on the ground once more, a freshly made hand-shaped mark on his cheek. Matthew was standing now, too, white-knuckle-gripping his cane as his face contorted with animalistic rage. “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU,” he boomed, voice echoing through the crystalline cavern walls. He took a step forward as Sorin lay on the ground, still crying pitifully as he didn’t even bother to get up. “V’HAT DID I SAY, SORIN. I V’ENT EASY ON YOU! AND Z’HIS, ” he waved his staff around, the blue diamond at the top beginning to glow faintly, “IS Z’HE Z’HANKS I GET?!” He took another slow step forward but Sorin couldn’t even look at him. All his energy was spent. He was exhausted, he was in pain, his headache had been progressively getting worse, and now his entire body ached . He just wanted this to be over. Whatever Matthew was going to do? He could do it. Sorin didn’t care. He had already lost Mysterium, he might as well lose what little else he had.
“YOU INSOLENT LITTLE ARSCH LOCH ! AFTER ALL I’VE DONE FOR YOU?!” Sorin could barely register his words anymore as Matthew continued to yell at him, still waving around his staff. If Mysterium was going down like this… Sorin would join him. Hand in unrecognizable hand.
“ BRENN IN DER HÖLLE ,” Matthew screamed as he slammed his foot against the ground, his cane following suit in outrage. A loud crackle filled the air as bright blue light blinded them. Matthew quickly covered his face with his arm, confusion quickly melting away into understanding as he remembered his cane. After a moment, the light died down and he opened his eyes again, looking about the area. The diamonds that decorated the archway in front of his throne appeared to be emitting a black smoke, as did some of the crystals around the cave.
His stomach dropped.
He looked down.
He almost threw up.
Collapsing to his knees and dropping his cane, he frantically crawled towards Sorin, murmuring pleas and apologies under his now trembling breath . He had forgotten. How could he have forgotten?! How could he have been so careless ?! But he had, and he was, and now he was kneeling in front of the unmoving form of his precious pet. So precious that he had wanted to keep him practically glued to his side for the rest of his days, and yet apparently not precious enough for him not to hurt. He tried to inhale, but it came out as a terrified gasp more than anything. He moved his hand up to Sorin’s shoulder, gently shaking it, but there was no movement, no response, no anything .
It was then that Matthew noticed the dreadfully nasty cuts littered across Sorin’s skin. Long fractals of deep, burnt red split apart the paleness of his flesh. Some of the edges of the gashes appeared charred, and his hair seemed singed as well. Matthew frantically untied the ropes from Sorin’s wrists and arms, the now-burnt nylon falling away slowly as he shakily pulled at the knots. The entire time he could feel bile rising in his throat as he murmured quiet ‘no’ s and ‘please’ s to a God that either couldn’t hear or had forsaken him.
Once Sorin’s limp wrists were free, Matthew held one up to his face. A tear slid from his eye and down his cheek as he gently held the hand against it. Letting his eyes close he felt something inside him snap, like a dam breaking loose, as he began to cry . “I’m…s-so sorry…!” His voice was fragile as he choked out clunky words between sobs. It felt like his tongue was swollen and even thinking about speaking made his nausea even worse. Yet still, he mumbled quiet apologies in between cries of anguish as he felt his weight become too much to hold. He let himself fall on his side next to Sorin, his entire body trembling with the force of a collapsing building.
He kept Sorin’s cold hand pressed against his cheek as he scooted himself closer to his limp friend. “Sorin,” he murmured, sounding more like himself than he had in weeks. “I never… I never v’anted you t-to… Sorin, I… I love you… please …!” Matthew wrapped his arms around Sorin’s unmoving body and pulled him flush to his chest. Resting his face against the smooth skin of his shoulder, he flinched as he could taste the metallic sting of blood. He choked out another sob as he continued to cry , cradling the consequences of his selfish actions in his horribly shaking arms. “ It didn’t have to be z’his v’ay ,” he whispered softly, still pleading with whatever higher power would take him for everything to be alright.
But, as there were no answers to his cries, he remained there on the floor. He held onto Sorin until the gnawing teeth of exhaustion clawed him from his miserable reality and even after. He didn’t know what else he could do. And– really… hadn’t he done enough ?