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Visha wasn’t quite sure when it started.
But she remembers a very specific moment, which may or may not have clued her into a very, shall we say, dangerous realization. Not in the potential casualty/fatality sense of the word, but more so dangerous for her heart.
It was a particularly sweltering afternoon of training. A small lull in active combat as the main armies of both sides of the war replenished, repositioned, and re-strategized how exactly they’d make any headway against the other.
Thus, the Colonel had taken her battalion to one of Berun’s external military bases for a bit of remedial conditioning.
That is to say, she had everyone out in one of the fields. Running. Without enhancement or reinforcement.
It would perhaps be considered “completely unfair”, by many, if not for one thing: the Colonel herself was running with them.
And she was, to be frank, destroying them.
This alone was impressive, in Visha’s eyes.
(Said eyes, meanwhile, are busy tracking a single droplet of sweat trailing down the back of her neck. For no reason, of course.)
After all, despite the Colonel’s growth spurt – alongside the replacement of her baby face with something more mature, much to the Colonel's hardly hidden joy – to just under Visha’s own height, she still featured the shortest legs in the battalion. So, for her to easily outstrip all of them, even Weiss, she must be extraordinarily dedicated to her health, and thus, the health of her subordinates.
There is little better motivation to a group, consisting of very many big, brawlic men, than their average-height teenage girl Head Commander literally running laps around them. Visha, also a young woman, certainly does not boost their ego any. Cause to be honest, Visha’s a little more motivated too, and that translates to forcing herself to be better, even if it hurts.
This situation thus leads into her earlier point.
As the Colonel completes yet another lap, then pauses, lifting up the bottom of her black tank top to wipe at the sweat on her face, Visha’s gaze shifts to the Colonel’s toned abdominals.
And she makes a very dangerous realization.
Oh no… she’s hot.
-=-
From there, the situation only spiraled.
Between the external crisis of returning to the frontlines and the internal crisis of realizing why exactly she’d never once thought that any of her – objectively fit and healthy – male comrades were attractive, Visha is hit full force and doesn’t know how to recover.
Suddenly, the closeness of her position to the Colonel is apparent at all times. She’s both fortunate and unfortunate, clearly. Because they are each other’s wingman and because they are, if not the only two, some of the few women in the 203rd, most of their time is spent in proximity.
Honestly, the fact that they’re both girls only once crosses her mind, before it’s summarily dismissed as unimportant. For one thing, gender is less strictly policed in Germanian culture, given the Empire was founded with the intention of being quote “the ideal country without racial or gender discrimination”. For another, she’s still best friends with one Erya Sieber, notorious patron of Berun’s underground bar scene.
Enough said, really.
And this brings problems.
Visha is more than aware of her crush on the Colonel, because every single time they accidentally brush hands or shoulders, or connect gazes, or work together in flight, her heart soars.
Here is the fortunate and unfortunate: obviously, she enjoys this. And obviously, it’s distracting.
Sometimes, she just gets… tunnel vision, when the Colonel is involved. And on the frontlines, when their lives are in danger constantly, this has the potential to be a really big problem.
This is not what they meant when they said “love is war”.
-=-
“Ah, Colonel!”
Colonel von Degurechaff, however, is far from matching her wingman's apparent joy at the sight of the other.
“Leave.” She barks at the nearest nurse, who'd only just finished bandaging Visha up.
The nurse, showing excellent survival instincts surpassing many a frontline soldier, leaves as quickly as possible without running.
Visha tilts her head, bemused. It only brings Tanya's attention, her gaze, up to the bandages wrapped tight across her forehead.
Tanya's expression darkens.
“Um, Colonel? You're alright, aren't you?”
“Am I alright? Am I alright, she asks.” Tanya likely meant to mutter that, but in the quiet, empty infirmary it comes across clear. Raising her voice, she says, “Take a good look at yourself, Lieutenant, and ask me again if I'm the one you should be worried about.”
Lieutenant? That cool address stung a little bit.
“But Colonel- Tanya, I'm-”
“If you say that you're fine, Visha, I will dismiss you from my battalion here and now.”
What?! Visha's eyes widen. “You can't-!”
“Oh, I can't? I can't do that, right?" Tanya approaches Visha's bed as she's tslking. "Except that's not true. As your commanding officer, and as the one with total control over this battalion, I have every power and reason to do such a thing whenever I want. If I decided it, you could be sent back to Berun on injured leave with a reassignment order in your back pocket, and no one would argue with me.”
That's horrible. She can't do that. Tanya can't do that, not after everything they've been through. She can't just separate them; they're inseparable.
The thought of being forced to leave the girl she loves, by the girl she loves, it's terrifying. What if something happens? What if she's not nearby when-
Visha opens her mouth to say something, anything, but the words don't come out.
“But I'm not going to do that.” Tanya says, stopping at Visha's bedside and allowing a frustrated sigh. She rubs at her face, briefly closing her eyes.
And like a shock to the system, Visha realizes, when Tanya opens them again, the corners of her eyes are glistening.
“Of course not. You're too important. Which is why I don't understand your actions. What the hell were you thinking out there?”
Valiantly, like a brave mother dragon defending its horde and clutch from the evil knights, Visha fights back against her blush.
“I… what do you mean?” Immediately, she winces, knowing that's not a satisfactory response.
It’s not that she doesn’t understand. She knows she’s been absent minded at the wrong times. It honestly is more than a little embarrassing, given that she’s supposed to be one of the most dangerous mages in the Empire. One cannot fly beside the White Silver and be subpar. That’s not how it works.
You either become one of the best, or you get left behind.
Or you die.
So, yeah, she knows that acting clueless is one of the worst possible choices to make here. But then again, how exactly is she supposed to do otherwise? Admitting her feelings? Not only is that embarrassing on a new level, it’s… well, the Colonel isn’t exactly known for her emotions.
She cares for her subordinates in her own way, and jokes with them, and checks in on them. But far and away, her work comes before all of that. No one would ever say it to her face, but one of the reasons she’s known colloquially as “Argent” or “silver” isn’t just because of her Silver Wings. Unlike the warmth of gold, silver is cold. It is a distant color representing an ideal that others cannot reach.
Silver Wings Assault Medal with Oak Leaves and Ace of Aces, both before the age of 13. The youngest Major, then Lieutenant Colonel, and now Colonel, in the Empire’s history. The fastest mage in a tier of her own, and outside of one Mary Sue, the strongest by volume.
The Colonel, in this perfection, is someone to strive toward, and for most or all, to never obtain.
What could Visha possibly give to someone like that? Companionship? Warm hugs? Gay sex?
Yes, to all the above, but what are those worth to someone like the Colonel? Someone who doesn’t need anything Visha can provide. Maybe the Colonel doesn’t even want any of those things, hasn’t even thought about them.
So really, what is Visha supposed to do? Confess her crush and get sent away because her value can’t compete with the problems she brings? Confess her crush and get awkwardly turned down, thus disintegrating the close bond they already share? Confess her crush, and learn the Colonel isn’t into women?
Well, that last one is just anxiety talking. She knows for a fact the Colonel is into women, because Erya took them to one of her favorite bars one time and…
…wait a minute. Did Erya…?
Suddenly forced to suppress an utterly irrational surge of pure rage – Erya obviously didn’t. Obviously not. – Visha is completely unprepared for the flick that smacks into her bandaged forehead.
“Ow!”
“Don’t be a baby. The injury is on the back of your head, not the front.” Tanya says, with a unamused lilt. Then, without warning, she leans over the bedside and reaches up, cupping Visha's cheeks and forcing them to lock eyes. “Now, pay attention. Because I’m not very good at this and I won’t say it twice.”
A flush rises to Visha's face immediately. Oh, she’s paying attention alright. Any anxiety she may have had before is completely gone. For the time being, at least. This may be a new situation, a new level of closeness, but the Colonel is known to do some strange things to get her point across.
This rationalization is, of course, entirely to avoid the fact that- She’s so close I could literally kiss her oh my god oh my god I’m die thank you forever…
And so on.
“Visha.”
Visha chokes out something resembling an “Mhm?”
Her face resembles a tomato. It’s like the space around them has risen 10 degrees in an instant.
“I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately, but if something is wrong, I want you to tell me. I cannot have the person who watches my back not watching. And, given what we’ve been through together, I cannot have any other person watching my back. You are the best person for the job. Do you understand?”
Visha, through her pseudo heart attack, finally notices a speck of something in the Colonel- in Tanya’s eyes. Some glimmer of a feeling she doesn’t understand.
…she’s… worried? This much?
“Because you are so valuable, you cannot let slip ups like this happen. Never again. Otherwise, I will send you back to Berun, for your own safety if nothing else. You are not allowed to die. You are far too useful for that.”
And then…
“You are irreplaceable. Is that clear?”
Her hands slide a bit lower, fingertips pressing just underneath Visha's ears. Visha tentatively reaches up, holding onto Tanya's wrists with her own hands. She can't breathe.
Did she just…?
“I'll say it again. You are irreplaceable, Visha. You are someone I absolutely cannot lose.”
But… you too, I can’t lose…
“So, whatever this problem is, deal with it. Whatever is causing this tunnel vision issue, this thing you’re so focused on, fix it.” Tanya pulls away, her hands falling to her sides, and Visha lets them go, still in disbelief. The Colonel clears her throat, looking away awkwardly, as if just noticing the almost intimate nature of her words and now trying to save face. “As soon as possible, preferably. I need- that is to say, the 203rd needs the White Silver’s Wing to be at the top of her game. And, naturally, as your Head Commander, if there are any concerns I personally can help you with, it is my duty to see- MMPH!!!”
At that moment, Visha decides to take her Colonel’s words very seriously. Though, perhaps she took “personally help” a bit too literally.
She grabs Tanya by her lapel, tugs her back into her personal space, and kisses her.
-=-
Tanya doesn’t know what’s going on.
Oh.
Well, that’s a lie. She’s being kissed. That’s obvious enough.
Oh, that feels rather nice, actually.
It’s not her first kiss, but it’s certainly the most enjoyable one so far. She’d be remiss to not notice how attractive her adjutant is, but as with most things in her life, that which she may desire in some form or another can never be obtained.
But, well… this is nice, she thinks. Tanya closes her eyes.
If it’s going to end soon, she might as well indulge in this fleeting delusion. If only for a little while.
Slowly, after they’ve both lost their breath, Visha pulls away. But only just.
“It’s not just… a thing.” She pants. With a bashful look away and a brilliant flush, she’s adorable.
Despite herself, Tanya’s heart skips a beat at the sight. The faintest hint of red graces the top of her cheeks.
Visha inhales, then exhales. Bravely, she meets Tanya’s eyes once again, leaning closer, her torso twisting off the bed slightly.
“Only for you.”
“Me?” Tanya says breathlessly. What? Not a thing… about her tunnel vision, she means? Then…
And now, things make a lot more sense. The warmth from touching hands, the fleeting glances, the blushes, the closeness . Her own worry, which despite being suppressed far surpassed that of a mere concerned commander.
It brings the past several months, along with the last hour or so, into startling clarity.
Oh… huh.
“You.” Visha smiles, teary eyed, yet pausing, uncertain. “Are you… is that okay…?”
“...I don’t know.” And, just before Visha’s expression can shift into something heartbreaking, Tanya continues. “I’ll need to test this a bit more. To make sure, you understand. Which means I’m going to kiss you now.”
“Oh. Oh!” Visha blinks. Her heart soars, and her focus lasers in on the other. “Yes, we need to test this. Very thoroughly.”
Tanya nods, trying to treat this seriously and being betrayed by the tips of her ears turning red. “Good, we’re on the same page. Now, let me just…”
-=-
Outside the barely cracked-open door to the infirmary, Grantz pulls his head back and quietly closes it the rest of the way.
“Well?” Neumann says, arms crossed. Next to him, Koenig and Weiss nod. They look as eager as schoolgirls in teen movies are for gossip.
Grantz coughs into his fist to dispel the sense of awkwardness he feels.
He’s happy for them, truly, but… well, he’s now one of the few members of the main group that isn’t in some form of relationship. Even the three men in front of him have an odd “totally not gay just helping a guy out” homoerotic thing going on.
“They’re uh… gonna be busy for a while.”