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The stars were barely visible in the city at night. It wasn’t something you had noticed before; but at that moment, as you stared up into the sky, you came up empty.
That rooftop suddenly felt much lonelier. You tried not to linger on that thought for too long.
You sat at the edge with your legs dangling, watching as those below you continued with their lives, unbeknownst to the inner turmoil you were facing. You vaguely wondered what exactly would happen down below if you jumped. Would it be painless? How would it feel to have wind rush through your hair as you fell. Would you feel weightless? Free? Would you smile on your way down, knowing everything you were leaving behind?
In those last few moments before you collided with the ground, would you finally feel alive?
What would that even feel like? To finally feel something other than the numbness you felt now?
You gradually pulled yourself onto your feet, feeling your body sway somewhat with the wind. You shut your eyes, appreciative of the moon; it’s kind, soft glow barely visible through closed eyes. The sound of the city filled your ears, cars and their horns, the airplanes above, the breeze whistled quietly, the gentle thud of footsteps behind you. They stopped.
A kind voice made itself known.
“Hey- please be careful, that’s a really long fall.” Someone spoke up from behind you, you sounded close in age. Genuine worry laced his words.
You didn’t want to respond. You came up here to be alone, that’s why you waited till this hour, no one would be up to stop you. You gathered yourself before responding,
“I’ll be fine. I’m very careful.” You continued looking down below, refusing to turn and meet him.
The gravel beneath his feet crunched as he shifted, presumably getting closer to you. Fear trickled up your spine; he wouldn’t try to grab you, would he?
“It’s really dark, you might miss a step-” He cut himself off, seemingly debating his next words. You continued before he could,
“The view is amazing this time of night, you know? This is the best spot in the city.” Silence continued between the two of you for a few moments. You were about to speak up again, when his voice broke through. His tone was softer, gentler. Quieter, too. He sounded almost... scared.
“Yeah, it is, isn’t it?” The sound of the city still filled the night sky, “but, you aren’t up here for the view, are you?...” His voice was nearly a whisper, you almost missed it. You took in a shaky breath, your eyes still fixated on the streets below, though, your vision was beginning to blur. Your eyes were burning, you blinked a few times to try and ease it. Your lips trembled as you spoke, your words catching in your throat. Your body was shaking. Why were you so afraid?
“No. I came up here to be alone. I don’t need your help. You should leave.” A lump formed in the back of your throat.
You heard the sound of gravel and shoes rustling once again as he closed the distance a bit more.
“I know what you’re actually here for. This isn’t a good idea.” A warning; one you didn’t need.
You scoffed bitterly, “Congratulations. What are you gonna do? Stop me? Tell me that I don't deserve it? That everything will get better? I’ve heard that shit a million times. I don't need some stranger trying to be my hero-” You choked, “I'm not worth saving. I know that." You spat bitterly, feeling tears spill from your eyes.
“That’s not true.” He shot back without hesitation. “You don’t get to make that decision. You owe it to yourself not to give up.” He came closer. “Don’t rob yourself of your future because you don’t think you deserve one. You were put on this Earth for a reason, and it wasn’t to give up. Yeah, life sucks. It can get hard. It can get really fucking hard, I know that better than anyone. But don’t give up before your story has time to even begin.”
The two of you were quiet for a long moment, interrupted by the sound of his footsteps. He made his way over and came to stand beside you on the ledge. You could practically feel his gaze on you. Your heart was racing. You swallowed hard, wiping away at the tears spilling down your cheeks. You looked down at the streets, taking a deep breath. You looked over at him, your eyes widening at the sight.
Beside you stood New York City’s beloved hero, Spider-Man. He had his mask rolled up just enough so you could see his nose, mouth, and chin, revealing a soft smile. His brown eyes met yours. He looked so young. Just a teenager, like you. His features were so delicate and soft, despite his body being all muscle. You could see a few scars, bruises, and cuts littered his exposed skin.
He held his hand out to you, a gesture meant to pull you off the ledge. His smile grew, the kindness and concern evident in his expression. Something you weren’t used to. He tilted his head slightly, his smile faltering a little, his brow furrowed. His hand remained in place.
Hesitantly, you reached out, meeting his hand with yours. The warmth of his hand passed through the suit, he gently squeezed your hand, reassuring you as he brought you away from the edge. You felt somewhat dazed, as though this whole thing was just a dream you had yet to wake from. You felt emotionally and physically drained, and Spider-Man seemed to take note of this. He held an open stance, ready to support you should you stumble.
The two of you basked in the silence. You calmed yourself down, no longer crying, you looked over at him,
“Do you really think… I have a purpose?” You spoke softly, remembering what he said to you a few minutes back.
He nodded, the bottom half of his face still somewhat exposed, “Everyone does. Even if we can't see it, or believe it. It's there. And someone out there needs you to stay here. Maybe they don’t know it yet. But one day, they will, and they'll be glad that you didn’t give up today. That you had the courage to keep fighting, even if you couldn’t see it, even if things were so, so dark. But you did. You fought, and now, you have the chance to keep doing so. Keep fighting. Keep living. I promise it's worth it." His words were spoken with such confidence, you wouldn’t dare argue with him.
A small smile tugged at the corner of your lips. A real smile. Spider-Man seemed pleased at the sight, offering a hand again, but for you to shake,
"What's your name?" He asked.
You responded while reaching out to take his hand.
Spider-Man smiled, fixing his mask back over his face, “Nice to meet you. Now, how about we go find a roof with less of a view, yeah? I'd love to hear your story, if that's alright?"
You nodded, feeling the last remnants of doubt dissipate. He extended an arm and gestured for you to grab onto him. You did.
You smiled, and as you two swung into the night,
You felt weightless.
You felt free.
You felt alive.