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After Wally’s sacrifice fighting the Reach, Artemis does not go home. Her home “cease to exist” right in front of her, and the apartment of 865 square feet wouldn't feel like home without him, instead making her feel smaller, more alone. She can’t stay there at the apartment they picked, with the dog they got together, eat at the table he put together, or sleep on the bed they used to make together. It’s all together in that apartment. She could never be there in a space of togetherness as just one, as just Artemis.
So after saving the world, and losing her whole world, she goes to a different home. It hurts just to be at the doorstep, memories surround this house, memories of him and where he grew up, memories that will no longer be made. It hurts worse to tell the Wests. “Wally is gone” rings repeatedly, making her wish she could just become numb to it, no longer hear those three words that have flipped her world upside down in just one night, wish that somehow Wally’s playing some cruel joke and that he’s alive. She needs him to be alive.
The Wests are comforting, they’ve had years to master the art of making people feel good, so naturally the tears fall faster and harder than ever before while with them. In their house that even smells like him, despite him not living there for years. The tears are not just hers alone, Ms. West and Mr. West both match Artemis, with bloodshot eyes, dried and new tears dripping from them, and snot running down their faces. When things have finally calmed down an hour later and there’s no tears that can come, they ask her to stay the night.
She declines. Instead saying she needs to be alone. She knows they just want a reminder of him. In whatever form they could give, but she doesn’t feel like recounting their whole relationship tonight, she doesn’t feel like talking about Wally’s death. Talking about it is different from simply being comforted in a hug, talking about it makes it real, makes it seep into your brain that yes Wally is gone and yes it’s your fault, it’s too much. Shaking her head to rid the thoughts, she gives a long hug to the wests, and says her sorrys, hoping that somehow she'll be able to erase the pain of a lost son, and leaves.
Moving on autopilot she makes her way to one of green arrows' secret hidden homes. It’s not the nicest, but luxury isn’t what’s needed right now, he is. It has everything she’d need for some nights away. It wouldn’t take long for the team or green arrow to find her, but for now she’s hidden. She’s away from the world and it’s cruelty. Thinking of the team brings about more tears, she’s not the only one who lost someone. Connor, mgann, zatanna, kaldur, and dick did as well.
Everyone’s grieving in their own ways.
M'gann crying and Connor comforting her seemingly unaffected, but he is, there’s sorrow behind his eyes. Kaldur who’s returned to the team, but has chosen to mourn the fallen speedster underwater, returning to his home. Zatanna forgoing mourning and instead working with other magicians to see if he’s really gone, there’s hope, but Artemis wouldn’t want a call regardless, not unless Wally just happened to be standing right in front of her. And dick who, like her, left. Dick lost a best friend and she lost her soulmate. The gothamites instead choose to do what they do know best, hiding out in the darkness.
The darkness, she learns throughout the night, does nothing to blanket her. It does nothing to take away her pain, nothing to make her forget. She’s not even around the comforts of Wally, she’s in a new place completely devoid of him, yet everything brings him to her.
The heat of the night makes chills on her skin, the same way he would. always so warm, her personal space heater. The noises of the city outside remind her of their life together, of their home. Of what was once theirs now just hers. Even the shadows somehow work against her, making her see him . He’s everywhere. But he’s not real and she needs him to be real. Needs the ghost haunting her to come back. It’s only the first night, and it’s a nightmare. It hurts.
Sleep does not come, no peace comes for Artemis. Instead she thinks mercilessly about how she’s the reason they got back into the hero business. About how if it weren’t for her, they would have been at home, in their shared apartment, building a life together in comfort as the world ends. But she couldn’t stop, the domestic life wasn’t enough. They were heroes. Wally being the very best, always inspiring, always making a difference. He gave up himself, his life, for the world. He saved so many, he saved her.
The pain doesn’t stop. The first night was terrible, so is the one after that, and the one weeks after. The pain of losing Wally starts to become more real, and the grieving process starts all over again. She hopes to numb it and eventually she does. Things change, time moves on, and the past is unchangeable. She rejoins the team, taking the mantle of tigress. She remakes herself. No longer shall she be Artemis crock Wally’s partner, she’s just Artemis, the tigress. Partnerless. And it’s okay. It doesn’t hurt anymore.