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Humans are often servant to their urges whether it be small things like a desire to gorge themselves on sugary foods or thrill seek. It’s a foreign concept to Rikai, one that filled him with disgust. All from seeing how easily others can give in. Rikai sees himself a symbol of purity and order. This realization taught him graciousness.
Rather than judge those without restraint he finds it a more just duty to use his position to teach others a path of righteous living. Moderation and self restraint improve quality of life. He is proof of this fact. Even so, he isn’t unaware of lust, he has wants and thoughts sometimes break through. Except, Rikai, unlike others doesn’t need to give it any more thought or attention.
His admiration towards Amahiko should go against his morality but Rikai respects him for what he represents. The passion and care Amahiko has for his devotion to his own principles and lifestyle is something Rikai can appreciate. When things get out of hand, he has never once found it difficult to correct the behavior. Even when Amahiko gets too close to him or becomes too lewd Rikai isn’t off put by him. There is wisdom and experience Amahiko holds that draws Rikai to him. His only desire sometimes comes down to a hunger for knowledge and understanding others.
Lust and affection often render him clueless and stuttering. Even thinking or hearing the smallest things on topics of dating or kissing…it makes him freeze. Rikai is rendered helpless with just words or glances. It’s shameful at his age but also a testament to that pure nature he holds on to. Living like this has provided him with many positives and he isn’t planning to change it.
Still, Rikai cant help but feel like he’s losing himself, slipping deeper into something he’s avoided all these years. Perhaps it’s close proximity to someone so unashamed and confident. Rikai is often sick at the thought of things Amahiko does and says. But he also wants to know more, because maybe it would be good for his development as a person. It couldn’t possibly be attraction, that would make things even more complicated. If it’s simply under the guise of learning, then it’s okay. It must be okay.
Rikai is sensitive to things he never knew would trigger him before. A small sigh of pleasure or exhaustion makes his stomach turn. He isn’t sure if he wants to vomit or something else is happening inside of him, festering slowly. Amahiko is by definition sexy. A fact that should be embarrassing to admit but it’s become a fact so mundane like any other to describe his housemates. Rikai can’t define what’s sexy or attractive however. Whether it’s ignorance or the barrier of his inability to say such obscenities he isn’t sure.
Yet it’s true that Amahiko standing near him and his scent or the lack of subtlety in his gaze gives him goosebumps. The way Amahiko’s hand grazes him slightly or the way he speaks about him. It’s confusing because Rikai has never done anything to illicit a reaction but Amahiko thinks he’s arousing. Deserving to be the object of his fantasies.
Why does that fact make him happy? Even more so, Amahiko is often ridiculous and irritating in his pursuits. Rikai knows that he is telling the truth though when he compliments the mundane parts of him. And Rikai can’t help but respect his opinion even desperate to hear more behind his pleas for it to end.
A wandering mind is a dangerous one. That is why Rikai worked diligently to overcome and act accordingly to it. But recently it’s almost like his mind is breaking, the metaphorical walls cracking and it has him frazzled. He can continue on with his routine and his acts of service to others. Rikai would never let himself slip up as the pillar of order in this house and in this world. Except in the night when everything is quiet and he’s in his futon Rikai remembers the sound of Amahiko’s voice. The lewd sounds of his moans become different in his mind. Each time, Rikai forces himself to sleep not willing to give up his routine either.
For the first time he woke up in the darkness of the early morning his body wet with sweat and his clothes flush to his body. There’s an uncomfortable feeling and a buzz all over his body. Rikai catches his breath slipping out of his bedding. He can remember the press of another body on his one that is engraved in his mind. His body, mind begging for more. How could he possibly be plagued with dreams of smut. He shouldn’t be so weak so disgusting and unworthy.
Rikai stays there and wills, almost prays for his erection to go away. As his mind finally returns to its usual state Rikai covers his face still feeling the results of his lust on his body. Closing his eyes the imagery returns and he isn’t upset like he should be. He’s simply ashamed to be this way after all this time and work and for someone he even lives with.
Rikai gets up earlier than usual and cleans himself, dressing and touching at the whistle resting against his chest. For the first time since adolescence he feels hopeless and out of control. The intensity of his whistle and the urgency in his voice as he calls for everyone to wake up isn’t to his liking. Rikai lets it go with just that. It feels like he’s still in a dream and it isn’t uncommon for the others to leave or be occupied with their own activities but it’s too quiet. He almost thinks he’s alone as the afternoon comes around and everyone slowly departs from each other. He’s so lost in his head he isn’t even sure who is and isn’t home anymore.
Rikai sits on the couch and tries to remember who he is and what he stands for. It makes him feel better slightly because if something so trivial can derail him like this he wouldn’t be worthy of his title and position. Rikai relaxes against the couch alone until there’s the familiar feeling of someone else sitting near him. He turns his head and it’s Amahiko who smiles at him and speaks in his usual way. Amahiko is as animated as everyone else but there is something different about him. Rikai wonders if it’s intentional. It’s as if Amahiko wants to seduce people which is likely true, but probably not always conscious. In this moment it feels like torture for Rikai and he realizes he isn’t even hearing what Amahiko says. But he can feel the timber of his voice and his mind remembers the scene of his dream. Rikai flushes and considers freaking out, covering it as something else but he can’t. He looks down and when he looks back up Amahiko is gone. He gets a weird feeling.
“Am I really losing my grip on reality now? No, Rikai, that’s not possible,” he mumbles to himself.
Looking around it seems Amahiko is truly gone and he’s relived. The warmth in his body doesn’t go away though as he starts to actually yearn for him to come back. He’s truly a goner. Rikai looks down and to his horror he’s hard. He swallows and looks away then back down as if it’s an illusion but it isn’t. He’s never really seen himself like this, even then in his room the lights were off. Rikai desperately tries to think of something, anything else to make it stop but he can’t. A new feeling of desperation and defeat washes over him.
Rikai is succumbing to the beast of his lust. How shameful can he be? But, he finds himself not able to focus on caring right now. His body too won’t see, to move. Rikai realizes he doesn’t even know how to fix this. He’s never touched himself or worried about learning something like that. He hasn’t needed to. Denying himself now however would definitely make him end up worse, frustrated and vulnerable.
Rikai slides his hand over the crotch of his pants and his hand is trembling a little. He calms his breathing and feels how hard his is in his pants. It makes him gulp down a noise of pleasure. He can’t believe how shameful this is. Not only is he considering pleasuring himself for the first time but right out in the open. It’s a huge jump from nothing to something like this. Rikai considers the possibility he’s been possessed and sighs rubbing himself awkwardly and trembling. He undoes his belt and only unzips his pants. He looks down at himself and slides his hand down freeing his dick from his underwear and trying not to moan from simply doing that. Touching himself like this is new and difficult, he grasps his length and fondles himself whining a little in frustration.
Rikai knows he can’t stay quiet for sure and pulls his shirt up to bite against. He slides his hand trying to find a rhythm or just anything but it isn’t enough still the contact has him moaning. He breathes through his nose biting. His mouth on the fabric of his shirt gets it wet. Rikai almost wants to give up. He wonders how Amahiko would do this, how he can make it better. Rikai closes his eyes and continues his movements. His mind is again overcome with thoughts of Amahiko. He feels pleasure all over from that alone and groans.
“Mnngh…”
There’s a sound that breaks his concentration that almost is like a choke.
“Ah, Rikai-san, I never expected to be subject in an exhibition play from you of all people.” Amahiko says this in a calm curious tone. A far cry from his usual burst of emotion.
Rikai feels his blood run cold and gasps dropping the shirt and all his words get stuck in his throat. Amahiko chuckles and moves over.
“Don’t stop in fact I encourage you to continue ah Rikai-san your display of passion, it’s very sexy. Your face of ecstasy I want to see it!” Amahiko urges sounding more like his usual self.
Rikai flushes red and tries to reply, “T-This isn’t!! I—!”
“You don’t have to explain anything Rikai-san, but maybe you’d appreciate some help?”
Rikai, already at a loss can only nod. Amahiko looks slightly surprised but sits pressed right next to him. He doesn’t touch him at all but speaks right in Rikai’s ear making him shiver.
“Start again and show me how you touch yourself.”
Rikai’s mind is reeling and he isn’t able to vocalize that he isn’t even really sure how to masturbate. He starts again less than graceful.
“Stroke it slow, you can do it. Move your hand up and down can you do that?” Amahiko encourages.
Rikai nods a bit unsure but tries again. It feels better and he moans leaning against Amahiko some. His hand travels all over his length and down to his balls. It sends jolts of pleasure through him. He moves his hand away entirely.
“I want you to touch all of it Rikai, become familiar with yourself. Please your cock for me.” Amahiko says.
Rikai whines and nods stroking himself and adjusting to touch his tip where it’s wet with pre cum. He slides his hand over his balls and his hips move a little. Rikai moves to take his hand away again.
“Hm? Does it feel nice there? You don’t have to be ashamed. I want you to focus on it this time.”
Rikai gulps, “B-But that’s way too obscene…”
“It’s okay Rikai everyone does it! And you trust me to teach you right?”
“Y-Yes…” Rikai is almost inclined to call him by the title he often does. Sensei.
But it feels too embarrassing in this context. Rikai focuses on touching his dick all over and squirms. It feels better than doing it before. It’s overwhelming and Amahiko’s scent that he loves so much is messing with his head.
“You’re so sexy Rikai. You’re beautiful and listen so well.”
Rikai cries out a little and moves his hand up and down his length like he was instructed. It feels like too much and not enough. Tears fall from his eyes and Amahiko touches his face. Rikai shivers and sighs.
“I can’t…”
Amahiko seems to understand and smirks a little.
“You want more of my help is that it? Can you ask me for it?”
Rikai blushes and nods shakily, “Please…help.” He’s sure he looks and sounds pathetic. But Rikai is so on edge he can’t think straight.
Amahiko chuckles and decides not to tease him. He moves and wraps his hand around Rikai’s dick. It feels entirely different and a new wave of pleasure fills him up. Rikai moans and moves his hips begging for more. Amahiko indulges him and strokes him with skill he can’t fathom. If there’s an art to masturbation then he definitely mastered it. A feeling in his stomach and dick cause him to screw his eyes shut.
“Mngh…oh my god.”
Rikai cums after not even 3 minutes of Amahiko touching him. He’s on a high and warm from shame and arousal. But Amahiko doesn’t stop, milking everything out of him. The sounds of his mouth and the wetness of his dick fill the room. Finally he pulls away. Rikai slumps against the back of the couch.
“Ah Rikai-San you came so much, i’m proud of you.”
Rikai feels odd being praised for something like this but also happy. He watches unable to speak yet and Amahiko licks the cum on his hands startling Rikai. He gasps.
“Th…What are you doing?!”
“I couldn’t possibly let it go to waste. And it’s easier to clean up like this.” Amahiko smirks.
Rikai isn’t sure what to even feel anymore. He looks and notices Amahiko is definitely hard now. He wonders when that happened. He’s excited too, that he somehow caused that reaction. He wants to offer something, but he doesn’t know what to say. Amahiko pushes him to lay on his back.
“Is it alright if I kiss you?”
Rikai nods instantly and Amahiko kisses him. He isn’t able to focus on it being his first or that he’s doing this after Amahiko just had his cum in his mouth. He clumsily tries to keep up with the kiss. Amahiko is good at guiding and he moans softly. Amahiko pulls away and Rikai wants more but just lays still. His shirt is pulled up again and above him Amahiko pulls out his dick. Rikai flushes, it’s the first time he’s seeing someone else so intimately. Even if it’s from an angle where it isn’t entirely in view it makes him flustered. Amahiko strokes himself right over Rikai. He stares at him face and body. Rikai is too exhausted to get hard again so soon but he feels that familiar warmth.
He can hear Amahiko mumbling out things but not enough to actually catch on to what they are. It’s so different seeing him be this quiet. It’s attractive, everything about him is attractive he decides.
“Keep your eyes me Rikai-san. I’ll show you how I do it so pay attention.”
Rikai gulps and watches despite wanting to look away. Amahiko is fast in his movements. He occasionally changes the speed and makes sure to attend to all of himself. He plays with his tip and rubs against Rikai’s stomach. Rikai is surprised and the warmth gives him goosebumps. It isn’t long and Amahiko spills all on his stomach and over his bellybutton. It’s a weird sensation and if it was 30 minutes ago he’d be mortified. Right now it’s just a bit embarrassing and definitely a little gross. But Amahiko looks nice, satisfied and enjoying his body. Rikai would let him do it again to see a reaction like this. He isn’t sure what that says about him now.
After properly cleaning up, Rikai doesn’t know what to say. But Amahiko only tells him how good he was. It happens in his usual way, commenting on his ecstasy. In his voice though is a little uncertainty and it makes Rikai nervous yet he feels like isn’t alone in his anxieties. Instead of making it worse, he falls back into routine. Rikai clings back onto his position of order. Inside though, he knows it’s already changed.
In the night, he finally feels everything rushing back as he stalks into his room. Rikai tucks himself into his futon on the floor. Unable to sleep, he tells himself it’s for research. It’s to review what he was taught. In the darkness, he slides his hand down chasing another high.