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Don't leave, please” I reach out and brush my hands once more down Zélie’s braids, “I don't want to be alone.”
“I might just actually fall asleep in this bed.”
I quickly move to crawl under the blanket, laying on my side and leaving plenty of space for Zélie. She lifts herself off the floor just enough to crawl onto the bed.
She immediately moves towards me, resting her forehead between my collarbones and wraps an arm around my back, grabbing the material of my shirt.
I carefully put my arm over her shoulders, making sure not to touch her back, and tuck her head under my chin. Her touch sends fireworks across my skin and I can’t get enough.
We stay like this. Just breathing and holding each other. I could almost imagine Zélie was asleep except for the tight hold of my shirt.
“Why me?” She whispers, breaking the silence.
“What?” I run a hand down her new braids
Her arm tightens, tring to bring me impossibly closer, “In Lagos. Why me?”
“Your eyes are gray. Binta’s were the same color, and I just knew. It had to be you.”
Zélie relaxes a little, “What was she like?”
I swallow the lump that comes with her memory. I'm tired of only remembering her end.
“She had the brightest smile. Could light the whole room.” I laugh a little, feeling the tears building up in my eyes, “She would always take the blame if things went wrong, even knowing what would happen. I never even realized before.”
I try to ignore the thousands of instances the come up. The tiara. Sneaking into the kitchen. Dyeing the pool. How much pain did it all cause her?
I push the thought away, “She was always there for me. After every stupid meeting, lessons with mother, or training with father. She was there waiting for me, just ready to listen.”
The tears are streaming down my face, “She always told me “Be brave, Amari” and I didn't listen until it was too late. We always dreamed about leaving the castle. Seeing the world together.”
Zélie runs her hands up and down my back, “Hey, it's okay.”
I tuck my face into her head, “I miss her so much.”
“She’s with the gods now, they’ll take care of her.”
I smile a little, remembering the joy and relief that flowed through Binta as she touched the scroll. The magic.
Zélie relaxes into my arms.
“I think I loved her,” I whisper.
It's the words I thought I would never say. The secret I had to keep for years, and never got to tell her of.
“That’s okay too” she says, but she sounds barely awake, words slightly slurred.
Soon her breath evens out, and finally all the tension leaves her.
“I think I love you,” I whisper into the empty air.
I can't lose Zélie too.