Chapter Text
The popular knowledge affirms what scientific researchers discovered a while ago: everyone needs some kind of psychological attendance during our lives. He benefits of therapy go since the self-knowledge to the self-control in the many situations that we go through in our lives.
But, not everyone agree with that, the singer, actor, songwriter and American idol Adam Lambert is one of the few that disagree, and the recommendation that came from his agent suggesting him to search for a professional, almost made him offended. But the truth is that Adam was going through a hard time, besides his career is going very well, others aspects of his life were falling apart right before his eyes, the stress, psychological pressure, loneliness and excess of work were driving him crazy. In addition, the abuse of his ways of “escape” such as alcohol and marijuana were starting to worry the closest ones.
So, even without any will, Adam saw himself driving to the clinic suggested by his agent, for his lucky, the psychologist is very well recommended, and works in a clinic located in one of the most far away neighborhoods of West Hollywood, all to guarantee the privacy for their patients, usually celebrities and well known people of the state.
Because of his indifference, and lack of time, Adam didn’t worry to look for some references of the professional that he was about to meet, just gave enough attention to the address and date of the appointment on the email that he received from his agent. Now he was walking into a clinic that looked more like a fancy Hollywood house, one those that lavish respect and beauty.
The singer introduced himself in the reception, at the entrance hall of the house, and while the receptionist guided him inside pretending not to know who he is, he took a moment to analyze the decoration, which was pretty simple, but pleasant and elegant; the main colors were brown on the furniture and beige on the walls. Moreover, a lot of natural light came from the giant windows. The mezzanine, reached by the stairs on the corner of the waiting room, were where the two rooms used for the sessions were. Besides the Idol, only a woman was there, waiting for her appointment, the singer thanked mentally, so he would not have to wait for so long.
Entertained with his IPhone the singer only realized that his name have been called on the third repeat of it, startling and ignoring the strange look on the woman’s face, he put the cellphone on his pocket and walked to the stairs. When Adam looked up he almost stumbled on the third step, the man gazing at him with a friendly smile was a little bit smaller than Adam, with blonde hair cut in a modern way, shaved on the sides of his head, a fit and muscular body hidden by a shirt and black formal pants. Although, what really got the singer attention were his eyes, blue, like yours, but darker, deeper and involving.
The man seemed very receptive and young, what made Adam doubt that he was the therapist, not intending to be rude, but he barely answered his greeting when he reached the second floor.
- Good morning. – He said politely.
Adam just nodded with his head and followed the boy inside one of the rooms.
Once they got into the room, the first thing that the singer notice was the decoration, totally different of the rest of the clinic: the shades of beige and brown were replaced by white and grey, the furniture were only a table, a bookshelf filled of books and CDs, and on the opposite wall a huge L shaped grey couch.
- Please, make yourself comfortable. – The man said, sitting down on the couch and inviting Adam to do the same. After he sat down, watching the view of the enormous window in front of him, the man continued – Well, my name is Sauli Koskinen, graduated by the Finland University in psychology almost eight years ago and…
- What? Are you the therapist? – One of the most notable characteristics of Adam Lambert is his honesty, and sometimes he just can’t keep his mouth shut. This were one of those situations, with an arched eyebrow and a surprised look on his face he questioned the man in front of him.
- Yes I am, I know I look too young, but the appearances deceive and I’m almost your age, Adam. – Sauli didn’t care for the singer’s incredulity, he was used to people doubting his capacity, after all the psychology field is dominated by women nowadays.
- I’m sorry if I sounded rude, it’s just that I wasn’t expecting for…This. – Adam said.
- What were you expecting, then?
- I don’t know…An old man, maybe. – Adam said almost whispering, but the psychologist heard and didn’t held his laugh.
- Fortunately I’m not an old guy, actually, it’s better when the therapist and the patient are on a close age group. Then the life experiences and perception of life are similar.
- I see… - Embarrassed with the intelligence of the man, and with his own attitude, Adam rubbed his temple with the tip of his fingers while staring his own feet.
- Anyway, on the phone your agent told me that he is worried about you, said that you have been going through so much stress, and that you need someone to talk. Right? – Sauli read the information from a notebook on his lap, apparently where he keeps the information about his patients.
- Yeah, that is it. – Adam moved his eyes back to Sauli and their eyes met on the way. Blue against blue, and this time Sauli looked down, back to his notebook.
- I comprehend, but tell me, what is stressing you out so much? – Dropping the notebook on his side on the couch the young therapist looked Adam in the eyes while the singer thought about what to say.
- I don’t know, all the work, media, fans, family, you know. It’s too much to handle sometimes. – Adam saw Sauli nodding and started to feel a little more relaxed with the whole therapy thing.
- Yeah, I can imagine how draining that may be. But, deep inside you’re used to it, aren’t you? I mean, that is what you wanted and you were ready for this. – Sauli grabbed back the notebook, opening it on the pages dedicated to Adam.
- Yes, it’s part of my life, and I loved it.
- Therefore, you were ready for it; the stress and pressure associated with your type of career are part of the package. – Sauli questioned the singer, trying to go deeper with the conversation.
- Yes, I was. I always wanted this package; I just admit that sometimes it makes me tired. – Adam started to feel defensive and reflected it on his voice tone.
- Adam…- The therapist put the notebook down again and reached for the singer’s eyes with his gaze. – This is not an interview, you don’t have to please me with your answers, you just have to be honest and tell me what you feel. You always knew what your life could become when you chose this path…Then, tell me what have changed to all this that you ever wanted suddenly make you feel bad.
- Maybe I changed; maybe I didn’t realized what my life would become. - The two men stared each other, almost intimidating. – You don’t know me so well, so don’t go thinking that I was ready for all this, you have no idea of the size of it, and could never imagine.
- Now, you’re being honest. - Not affected by the sudden change on the singer’s tone Sauli said and chuckled. Adam raised an eyebrow in reaction; the psychologist was playing with him.
- Ok, you got me, I came here with my interview answers in my head. Because I’m not comfortable with the idea of talking about my life with a complete stranger. – Sauli chuckled again but Adam wasn’t getting any joke.
- I know, nobody is, and before you doubt my capacity…- Sauli smiled and Adam felt the hotness on his cheeks. – I was going to talk about me a little. So, Sauli Koskinen, 30 years old, graduated in Finland almost 8 years ago and I just moved to the US, I think I’m working here for about a year now.
- Wow, Finland, far as fuck isn’t it? – Adam said, spontaneous as always. – And how you ended here, in this fancy clinic?
- Well, coming from so far away had its advantages; I know nothing about the local gossip and celebrities, so I will not talk too much about anyone. – Adam nodded, finding the explanation very convincing.
- Cool, I hope you are enjoying our America.
- Oh yea, I’m loving it. – They shared a look before sharing a smile. – Your turn.
- Well, I think you already know all you need about me...- The singer said, noticing the notebook long forgotten on Sauli’s lap.
- I wanna hear it from you now. – Sauli said almost on a whisper.
- Ok, Adam, 33 years old, singer and whatever else I have to do, born and raised on this country. – They laughed together before Sauli check his notebook again.
- Great, let’s start over ok? Let’s talk about your routine first.
Adam nodded and observed the man in front of him while they talked about Adam’s life, what he does on his spare time, where he likes to go, his hobbies, his work and other light subjects. The objective of this is to help the psychologist understand better the patient, and enable him to give the best treatment, according with the patient lifestyle and personality.
The fifty minutes of session passed as five, when Sauli got up, reminding Adam what he wanted for next week: a few subjects that the singer doesn’t talk with anyone. They said goodbye at the door with a handshake and a smile.
As soon as Adam left the room, Sauli fell down back on the couch with a sigh.
“Oh my God, this man is a hurricane.”
Therapy sessions usually happen once a week, always in the same day and time, and today Adam prepared himself better before the session, he even saved a reminder on his phone and took some notes of things that happened that week. And singing along in his car he made his way to the clinic, happier than never.
By now, with more than half hour of session Adam was trying to hold back his tears by staring the ceiling, his breath heavy and teary eyes while Sauli finished his notes. It all started well, they talked about Adam’s week, how he was enjoying some days at home after intense promoting of his new album around the world, about his plans for the future etc. Until Sauli decided to discuss one of the subjects that Adam doesn’t talk about with anyone that he taught about before, and the chosen one was: his school days.
After telling how he find out that he is gay, and how his life changed after that, Adam told him about everything that he went through in school, family and other relationships in his life so far, and then, well here we are, Sauli giving the singer a few tissues.
- Are you ok? – The psychologist asked after a couple minutes.
Adam nodded. His sexuality is not a burden in his life, his family handled it very well, and he always had a lot of friends, but, when you talk about this things, going deep and intimate how Sauli made him go, man, that can put you down.
- I thought it would be easier – Lambert said giggling.
- I admit it, I kind of went too far, you didn’t had to remember all that bad stuff, it’s just that I need you to trust me ok, all the subjects that we are going to talk about must be like this, it’s the only way you can understand yourself better. And believe me, you are well resolved about this. – The psychologist laughed.
- Years of training. – Adam said it back laughing as well.
- Any last questions before we end today?
- What about next week?
- We can do just the same thing again, talk about your week a little and then…Heavy stuff. – He chuckled while Adam rubbed this temple, the way he always does when nervous or intimidated.
- Don’t be nervous, it’s gonna be fun. – Sauli said, noticing the singer’s gesture.
- I’m not nervous, I’m cool. – He lied.
- I know you are not. – Sauli could not hold his smile while putting the singer’s hand away of the point that he still rubbing. – This little kink won’t let you lie. – Sauli looked Adam in the eyes before looking to the clock. – Well, that is it for today. It was good to see you, I was afraid you would not come back, Adam.
For the first time Sauli’s accent became evident in the way he said Adam’s name, and the singer smiled, pleased with the sound of his own name coming from the Finnish mouth.
- Why?
- I don’t know, you didn’t seemed comfortable, so I thought I had scared you with my ugliness.
- What? Oh my God! Never! – Adam answered quickly. How a man like that could even think that he is ugly? – Don’t even think something like that.
Sauli smiled with his patient, of course, he knew he isn’t ugly, after all, hours in the gym had to work for something. Anyway, insecurity is something that the psychologist doesn’t worry about.
- Ok then, I kept you here with my beauty.
- You have a lot of self-esteem, doesn’t you? – Adam joked and they laughed together.
- You too, and with a reason. – Sauli said and their eyes locked together longer than usual. – Right, I would love to spend the whole day talking about our beauties here, but I have other minds to work.
- Ok, now I’m afraid of you. – Adam responded, getting up and walking to the door.
- You really should be. Do I see you next week?
- Sure.
- May I have a hug today?
Adam didn’t answered, just pulled the smaller body towards him, hugging him and using the opportunity to feel Sauli’s muscles, it seems like his agent found a therapist that makes the exactly type of Adam: younger, smaller than him, yet muscular, with a pretty face and extremely intelligent. Why? He asked himself.
Once inside his car, Adam wore his sunglasses and took a deep breath before staring at his own crotch:
“Damn, it was just a hug and you are already trying to show yourself?”
Like the good party boy that Adam is, he could not miss the chance of enjoying some good parties while he is in LA. And that’s exactly what he did this week, unfortunately his therapy is on Mondays, and considering the weekend that Adam had, he is surprised that he was able to get up and get dressed decently to not miss today’s appointment.
In the moment that Adam stepped inside the room Sauli realized how tired he was, it was explicit in his face:
- Wow, are you ok? – The psychologist asked worried, while holding the door opened for his patient.
- Yes. – Adam yawned. – Just tired.
- I can see that. – They sat in the usual positions on the couch.
- In addition, a little hangover. – Adam admitted giggling.
- Yeah, I see. You told me you had a couple parties to go, had fun?
- Oh yea. A lot. – Adam shook his head to put away all the memories: flashing lights, loud music, people talking, photos, drinks, cigarettes and too many pretty boys craving for his attention.
- Do you want to share something about that? – Sauli asked, noticing how distracted Adam was.
- Nope. Nothing appropriate, believe me. – He answered risking a chuckle, but Sauli still with a serious face watching him.
- Look, there is something that we need to talk about. – The blonde one leaned down and supported his elbows on his knees. – Adam, besides your career, family and all the other things, there is something else worrying your agent. – Sauli searched for Adam’s eyes, keeping a straight face. – Darling, you are abusing on drugs. Aren’t you?
Adam’s smile dissolved and he could not keep Sauli’s gaze for much longer, looking everywhere else but his therapist, the singer answered vague:
- Maybe…
- I think there’s nothing more that I need to say. – Sauli tried to catch Adam’s blue eyes, but he kept avoiding the Finnish look. – This is all worry ok, a lot of people love you and care about you, so, please slow it down, you don’t need these things to…
- Feel better. – Adam completed.
- Yep. – Koskinen continued, relaxing on the couch again and crossing his legs. – Let’s change the subject, I trust you.
They talked about Adam’s career today, since the beginning in theaters to the giant festivals and concerts, and of course, the project with Queen. It was a pleasant conversation, fun and distracting, Sauli made a few notes about how passionate Adam is when talking about his profession, making clear that this is the favorite part of his life.
After this, they talked about alternative careers that Adam could have had, and of course his patient couldn’t think about anything else to do with his life besides singing, Sauli noted that too.
However, Adam was visibly tired, so Sauli took the last minutes to tranquilize him.
- So, Adam, after these first sessions I can already tell you that you are really better than I expected. Most times, people with a lifestyle like yours have so many troubles in their heads, but you are clearly fine. I think that next week we can go to the real stuff, you know. Your personal life, relationships, get more intimate.
- All right. But, since we are going to get more intimate, I think you should talk more about you.
- Fine, what do you want to know?
- I don’t know. – Adam shrugged. – What would you be if you were not a psychologist?
- Hm, I think I would be a personal trainer.
- Really? You are into these things?
- Yes, I like it, I go to the gym almost every day, and I have a healthy diet, everything.
- Shit, I wish I had this willpower. – They both laughed.
- It’s not that hard after you get used to it. I can give you a few tips if you want.
- Please do it. I’m total drama queen with my personal trainer. – Sauli laughed even louder.
The goodbye hug lasted even more than last week. After his patient left, Dr. Koskinen let himself lay down on the couch and some thoughts came to his mind, including the idea of him helping Adam in the gym, making him stretch, making his muscles pull and react and with the effort, the sweat on the singer’s body, the sounds that he would make…
Sauli had to take a deep breath a few times e bit his own lip to put the thoughts away.
Normally, after a few meetings Sauli already has enough information to make personalized sessions to his patients, with Adam Lambert wasn’t different, the therapist stayed awake until late night that Sunday, organizing everything that he knew about the singer, and thinking on what else he would like to know.
Even knowing that it was wrong, and almost anti ethical, Sauli didn’t resist and typed Adam’s name on Google. Just to be sure of one thing: Adam still not being very open with him, almost everything that they had talked about so far was easy found on interviews and gossip websites. The psychologist sighed, finishing the notes on the most honest conversation they have had so far, the one about sexuality, frustrated Sauli closed his notebook and laid on his bed, thinking about the most reserved, but most fascinating patient the he ever had, and in what he could do to make the singer trust him completely. Sauli fell asleep with the blue eyes and freckled skin in his mind.
Adam was late, the meeting in his record label took more time that he expected, and thanks to the reminder on his phone, and the power of the engine of his car, he arrived in time to his appointment with Sauli. He parked without worrying if the car was right in the parking spot.
He jumped the steps two by two and stepped inside the room like a hurricane, only to find Sauli distracted with his phone.
- I’m sorry about the late, Sauli.
- No problem. – His psychologist raided his head and gazed Adam in the eyes before tossing the phone on the couch. – How are you?
- I’m fine, and you?
- I’m good.
Adam sat down without waiting an invitation and waited Sauli start. The therapist remained quiet for a couple minutes before, in a calm tone, begin:
-Adam. – The singer melted inside with the Finnish accent. – Do you trust me?
- Sure.
-Are you okay with what we are doing here? Do you feel like it is helping you?
- I think so. – He stuttered. – I mean, Sauli, you know that I wasn’t very excited to do this, and that I had like zero faith that it would work, but, seriously, you are amazing. I don’t feel like doing therapy, I feel like chatting with a friend.
Sauli smiled, thankful for the gentle words.
- Today you are going to prove that. Let’s talk about intimate things. But before, is there something you want to share about last week?
- Nop, just business meetings, including earlier today , so I’m done with all that paperwork. – Adam said succinct, he didn’t want to admit, but he was anxious to know what the psychologist wanted to explore today.
- Okay, then…During these weeks I realized that you get more comfortable when I talk about myself too, right? – Adam nodded. – So, as soon I want to know about your past relationships today, I think it’s fair for you to know that I’m gay, Adam.
Nothing could ever prepare the singer for that, it’s true that Adam doesn’t have a good gaydar, so, he has been struggling to know the sexuality of his psychologist, especially because Sauli didn’t give any signals. Beyond being vain with his body and hair, have a good decoration taste and Madonna, Cher and Lady Gaga CDs on his bookshelf. If blindness could kill, Adam Lambert would be dead, it was right on his face all the time and he didn’t notice. The first thing he asked himself was if this is a coincidence, or if it is karma playing with him, again.
- So… - Sauli still waiting for a reaction from the older one, but Adam was lost on his thoughts.
- That’s great! – He finally said and smiled, what made Sauli melt inside, that happy smile was a blessing to his sight.
- I hope that make you more comfortable.
And it did, Lambert was able to talk about experiences that he didn’t talked about in a long time, he told him about his first relationships and crushes, explained how love disappointed him before his mid- twenties and that since then he has been afraid of falling in love, or letting himself get too attached.
- So what your relationships consist now?
- Basically…My hand. – He raised his right hand and they both laughed.
- Oh come on…I don’t believe. – Sauli said laughing.
- It’s true. I spend months without hooking up with someone sometimes.
Sauli chocked, and the only thing that came out of his mouth was:
- How the hell? You are fucking Adam Lambert, famous, rich and…Gorgeous. – Adam felt a hotness on his cheeks. – I thought there was lines of boys and girls on your feet.
The singer laughed loud before saying:
- Well, the girls I pass, but the boys…It’s not that often, I mean, there’s always handsome guys while you are on tour, and traveling around the world, but, let’s say that I have a weird taste and sometimes. It just cannot happen.
- Explain to me, what do you mean your taste?
- Oh, well, I rather some younger guys, more naïve…And I got in trouble for that already.
Now Sauli was curious, what he meant? And almost like he had read Sauli’s thoughts Adam continued:
- Once I took a boy to my hotel room, and well… He was underage, the receptionist saw it and I think he knew the boy, then he called the police and they called the boy’s parents. – Sauli’s eyes widened. – I didn’t know he was so young. – Adam defend himself. – He had 15, but looked like at least 19 years old. Anyway, they got into the room and we were on the bed, thanks God, doing nothing more than kissing. Also, I was sober.
- What happened next?
- They took the boy home, and I had to pay them to keep their mouths shut. Necessary bribery since that could have ruined my entire life and career, I think it happened three years ago, because of that I’m over with little adventures around the world too. – Sauli noticed the singer was almost crying, guilt explicit in his blue orbs. Touched by the story Sauli hugged him and let Adam cry quietly on his shoulder, while he played with the dark hair.
- I’ve done such horrible things, Sauli. So many…Urgh.
- There’s nothing wrong with discovering yourself and having fun, Adam.
They whisper to each other.
- But, I’m tired of this, I want stability, doesn’t worth nothing have a good career if my heart is a mess, if no one can complete my life. It’s something missing in here. – He pointed to his own heart.
- You will meet someone special, darling, don’t worry, also don’t waste opportunities, don’t let people just pass through your life, take chances, take risks, just because once or twice it went all wrong, that doesn’t mean that it will happen again. You are a better person now, and you deserve better.
That was enough to make Adam raise his head and smile lightly again.
- You are right.
- I’m just trying to help you. Don’t take it as a advice, just as another perspective.
- Your turn now. – Adam let go of the hug and watched Sauli let down his head and gaze his feet.
- Damn, there’s nothing much to say, anyway, I can’t talk too much about my personal life in here. It’s against the ethical code you know?
- Yes, perfectly. That’s why I‘ve been thinking and I decided that we should hang out.
- What? – The Finnish took a while to understand what the man at his side was saying.
- Hang out, have a couple drinks, now that I know that you go to the same places that I do, it would be great if we…
- Calm down American Idol, what make you think that I go to the same places as you? – Sauli interrupted chuckling.
- Shit…- For Adam it was obvious. – Because you are gay. – He answered giggling.
- Adam, I almost don’t hang out, I live by myself here for almost one year, I don’t know many people yet and…
- I can only see more reasons here. – The singer was the one interrupting now. – Let’s go out? I can take you to some bars and clubs I invite some friends...
Adam notice the hesitation in the way Sauli shook his head denying, as if it was the worst idea of the century.
- You have a boyfriend. Is it? Is there someone waiting for you in Finland?
- No, no, I’m single.
- That is it. Friday, I’ll text you the address of one of my favorite bars and we can meet there.
Sauli was tempted to say yes, he needed some fun, and who better to give it to him than the American idol? However, he knew the risks of this kind of personal involvement with patients.
- Look, Adam, it’s not very recommended that we mix our lives like this.
- Okay, just you and me then, without friends that could ask too much, or talk too much. – Adam ran his fingers over his hair and blinked one eye at Sauli.
- Ok, just this time
Adam smiled triumphant, although he finds his psychologist very attractive, he was not trying to hit on him, he just wanted Sauli to enjoy the city, once that the Finnish seemed very lost in town yet, and of course, a little chat while a little drunk could be useful to know more about his life. There is so much that the singer wants to know, but he knew Sauli wouldn’t tell him, the ethical code of psychology is very clear about the relationship between patient and therapist, and the Finnish doctor followed it like a Bible, except, of course, when he accept invitations to bars from his patients.
That Friday came fast for both men. Sauli left the clinic earlier than usual to get dressed, but, at the time he went out his house he felt like all the hours in front of the mirror were not enough, he was wearing black jeans, white shirt, a vest and a pair of boots from a famous brand, finishing it with half galloon of his favorite cologne. Still not feeling elegant enough, tough.
But that sensation faded when he arrives at the place by taxi, it seems like the party stars early here, he toughed. The place was crowded of people dancing, drinking and laughing loudly, an ambient familiar to Sauli, and the Finnish didn’t waited long to feel comfortable, and his pair didn’t either, Adam was dancing in the VIP area, a half full glass on his hand, and looking extremely good, he trimmed his beard and almost didn’t spend time with make-up. Dressing a simple white jeans e t-shirt, a green stamped shirt and his favorite boots. Sauli identified himself with the bouncer and got to the VIP area, as soon as he was up there Adam came to him.
- Hey! You made it! – The singer seemed a little affect by the alcohol already.
- Sure, am I late? Sorry.
- Course not, I came early, let’s talk.
Adam was a very well-known client there, so he didn’t have difficulty to find a table for them on the second floor, away from the dance floor, an area reserved for the ones who weren’t feeling like dancing and partying, but with a great view of the whole club.
And there they spent hours, Sauli heard much more from Adam in that chat than in the weeks that they have been seeing each other. The singer seemed relaxed, for sure, the never empty glass helped him being more willing to open himself, even though Sauli was the one who talked the most that night, sharing his life experiences and stories.
Sauli left his seriousness off as well and told more about his life than he has ever told to anyone since he moved to the US, including the reasons for the moving: his parent’s death, the financial problems and the need for new people and a fresh air.
- Of course I failed, see, I’m not shy but moving to the US like this, all of a sudden, a totally different country, different culture that I barely knew…My God, what was I thinking? – Adam just nodded while asking the bartender for another round. – You are the first friend that I made and this is the first gay club that I come in LA, look at this. – He pointed to the dance floor below, replete with people dancing and walking around. – This is the American dream. – They both laughed loudly.
- My Gosh, Sauli, we need to hang out more, next time we go to an actual club, to dance and take some cute boys home. – Adam drank a little of the liquid in his glass.
- Well, I’m not into the cute boys, actually, I rather the older ones, bigger ones and very experienced, so they can surprise me every time. – He said it staring at the glass in front of him, and Adam could swear that the Finnish’s cheeks were a little red.
“Ok, that was intimate. By the way, I’m older, bigger and my sex résumé is very good, modesty a side. “
But before the singer could answer with a provocation, Sauli got up saying something like “I’m going to the restroom”, but, the psychologist wasn’t able to stand for more than five seconds before falling sited again. Letting out a loud “wow” and laughing of himself.
- Someone crossed a line here. – Adam said and got up; he also felt a little dazzle, but not enough to avoid him helping Sauli to get up.
- Shit, I lost my sense of limits with alcohol.
- Oh, baby, that’s the way I like it.
Then, Sauli went out supported on Adam, who left him inside the cab and paid it in advance ignoring Sauli’s protests. Later that night, after a shower and laid down on his huge bed, the singer thought about everything that happened the last few weeks. Thought about Sauli, and the things he said to him, in how the Finnish skin blushed after a little bit of alcohol got in his blood flow, in the way he opened a few buttons of his shirt throughout the night. Maybe, because of the rest of alcohol on his body, or only because of the fascination for that young man, Adam started to imagine how it would be if they both went out for the “hunt”. If the night was longer, if he would ever have any chance with the blonde-haired by the end of the night. These thoughts were stimulating Adam in all the right places, increasing his need to release all that, but, by now he had to do it on his own.
That night the singer only slept after his friend texted him, telling him that he was at home and all right.