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Sakura and Her Years of Wonders (Horrors)

Summary:

Sakura is a totally normal kunoichi. Her morning routine is as follows: she wakes up, develops a panic disorder, argues with a fictionalized version of herself, styles her hair, thinks for too long about Ino, goes blind from competitiveness, sobs after almost stepping on a snail, denies having any feelings about a certain orphaned jerk, and, more frequently as of late, rages against another orphaned menace, this time of the orange jumpsuit variety, and that's all before 6am training. Busy, busy. Then, fate decides to pick up a sledge-hammer and make things even worse.

 

This is a re-write of Naruto in a way I would have liked to see, given the atrocious plots Sakura was afforded. I like to think of this as 'evening the playing field', giving her a bit of a power boost, so it's more like a trifecta, and not a story of Sasuke vs Naruto (plus the third wheel awkwardly standing in the corner). I also tweak her personality, because there's no way Kishi's selling me an insecure little girl with anger issues who also unabashedly dotes on a boy who rejects her every advance. That ain't real.

Notes:

Chapter 1: Lessons

Chapter Text

“Kunoichi have a special role to play.” Our teacher lectured, while only half of the class sort of listened in. We were outside, more interested in a bug on the ground or a bird in the air than whatever our bespectacled, shrill-voiced instructor was saying.

“They are not only ninja, but also have a wide range of knowledge and refinement as women. If you can’t blend into enemy territory and conduct yourselves as normal, civilian women, you’ll have a rough time working as a spy,” she explained, tacking on an awkward, uninspiring, “In any event, today’s class is flower arranging.”

“Hey, Ino!” I plopped down next to my best friend, who was making a beautiful arrangement of flowers. I wasn’t very good at it. My artistic skills were awful.

“Hey, Sakura! How does this look?” Ino held up her great bouquet. Pink dahlias stood out like little suns, with white lily of the valley and lavender as accents.

“Wow! It’s so pretty!” I exclaimed, a bit jealous of her skill.

“Where’s yours?” She asked me, and I looked at my feet. Heat rose to my cheeks. But, this is Ino! I shouldn’t feel embarrassed, she never makes fun of me. Still, I got the funny urge to make my bangs cover more of my face, sort of brushing them forward.

“Um…I didn’t make a good one, so I got rid of it,” I said quietly and quickly, rushing onto what I really liked to say. “Want to see a really cool thing, though? I started doing it a little while ago. Watch! But, you have to keep it a secret.” I held a finger up to my mouth, a sign for her to stay quiet. I couldn’t wait to show her. It’s such a cool secret! I was giddy, trying to keep the chuckles in.

Ino’s eyes widened at the secret part, and she quickly abandoned her own bouquet. “What is it?! What is it?!” She whispered excitedly.

I looked around at the other students and our teacher, making sure none were looking our way. Then, I covered the ground with my hand and concentrated really hard on a yellow rose. After a few seconds, the bud popped between my fingers and grew up on its stem a few inches. Ino sucked in a breath. “Wow, Sakura! That’s so awesome!” I picked the flower and gave it to her. “This will look perfect for the main flower in another bouquet! Can you make more?”

I nodded eagerly, placing both of my hands on the ground. One after the other, yellow buds surfaced and grew to about the same size as the first one. Ino plucked them delicately from the ground and incorporated them into a new bouquet, with baby’s breath and tall growing pinks speckled in.


I woke to the sound of my mother opening the door to my room with a gentle creak, and some pride bubbled up in me at finally being a light sleeper. Today, I was a real ninja, and now I slept like one, too!

“Dear,” my mom whispered, “it’s time for you to get up. I have breakfast downstairs ready.”

I threw the covers off of myself, giddy with excitement. I didn’t even flinch at the coldness of the floor on my bare feet as questions ran through my mind in a torrent. Who would my team be? Would I get to be with Ino? What sensei will I be assigned to? What would be the first mission?

Per my every day routine, I showered, brushed and dried my hair, and put on my usual outfit: a red dress with gray leggings that ended at the knee. As a way of adding a little bit of pizzazz, I wrapped my Hitai-ate—Kami, it was still so weird saying that! My Hitai-ate—like one would tie a bandana, showing off the emblem on the top of my head. I looked in the mirror. Not a single pink strand of hair was out of place. This day was going to be great!

I practically skipped downstairs in my excitement and shoveled some scrambled eggs onto my plate with a piece of buttered toast and apricot jam. I remembered it was from the tree I had grown in our backyard. I dug in, my anticipation for today’s events making me eat faster than normal.

“By the looks of it, you’re pretty eggs-cited,” my dad quipped, laughing to himself as he lazily perused the morning paper.

“Ha-ha,” I fake-laughed. Why did dads always tell such lame jokes? It’s like a curse or something.

“Don’t forget to drink plenty of water,” Mom reminded me, placing a water bottle next to my lunch. “Dehydration is as much a danger as a kunai. You better drink it all before you get home.”

I sighed. They were helicopter parents. But, I was a Genin now! Practically an adult! I didn’t need to be reminded about drinking!

“Yes, momma,” I intoned, rolling my eyes a bit at her concern.

I quickly ate my breakfast and stopped by the bathroom to brush my teeth and take one last look at how I looked. No wrinkles in my dress. No tangles or frizzy hair.

“Cha!” My inner mind roared. “We’re going to totally rock this Genin thing!”