we never knew peace

by heartfeltletters

Summary:

Revolution is happening, shaking the foundations of the world they know. As Xaden assumes his place as Fen Riorson's son, being the front man of the revolution, working to deceive Navarre's Command, the cadets return to Basgiath. With dragons poised for battle and Violet struggling to maintain control amidst the chaos, the stakes couldn't be higher. There are eyes everywhere, watching their every move. The continent teeters on the brink of falling into the hands of the dark wielders, threatening to reshape the very fabric of society.

An Iron Flame retelling where the politics make sense, Brennan is not so easily forgiven and Xaden and Violet talk.

Chapter 1

Notes:

hello !! this is an Iron Flame retelling, using canon as a guide but not too seriously, i’ll take some liberty to where i’ll take my story. There were a few things I would’ve liked to have been done differently, especially the rebuilt of Xaden and Violet’s relationship, the lore (which tbh i understood little to nothing so if you see things done differently that’s why) and the pacing, but despite that, my hyperfixation continues so my brain has not let me rest until i wrote this.

In this story we believe in mature, healthy relationships and consequences to their own actions so Violet and Xaden will only get together when they figure themselves out !! Also RY might forget but I don't, Violet is the general's daughter !! If there's one thing she knows how to do is to navigate Navarre's inner politics.

Violet does have a bit of self control when it comes to Xaden like girl get up you're in public !! And Xaden will be fighting for his life trying to get Violet to forgive him. He will also be dealing with his trauma and years of bottling everything up (They will loose all rational thoughts when it comes to keep the other safe dw)

Don't get it twisted I love the empyrean series but I think it could be even better which is why i'm writing this !!

(I will use some excerpts of dialogue from Iron Flame so if you see a sentence and you go "that sounds familiar" that's why. As you know those belong to miss RY.)

All traitors shall be punished by dragon fire.

– The Tyrrish Rebellion, an official brief for General Melgren by King Tauri.

Violet sat at a table, in the kitchen, spooning soup into her mouth with a mixture of curiosity and resignation.

The dish had crumbles of bread, an egg, and other ingredients she couldn't recognize. The kind lady who had given it to her described it as a typical dish from Tyrrendor, one that had stood the test of time through generations.

In the aftermath of Aretia's destruction at the hands of her mother and Navarre’s forces, many things had been lost. Yet, amidst the ruins, the survivors clung to their traditions, preserving them like precious relics. It reminded Violet of the scribes, relentless in their mission to safeguard every fragment of the past. Every record, every event was worth persevering, even something as humble as a soup recipe.

The memory of scribes soured her mood. Despite their supposed duty to document everything, they had failed to preserve the knowledge of Venins' existence. This lack of information had left Violet vulnerable in battle, unprepared to deal with the enemy. In a few minutes everything she had ever believed in – all the information she had known on her land, her kingdom – had unraveled in a careful web of lies, turning out to be deceiving.

She would still be in the dark if Xaden hadn’t miscalculated his weapons run. In the chaos that followed her finding out the truth, her anger had surged, demanding answers. Yet, before he could explain, they were thrust into battle against dark creatures, leaving Violet wounded and her supposedly deceased brother tending to her injuries.

When she had woken up from her three-day slumber, a surge of anger threatened to boil over at the two men who stood in the room with her: Xaden and Brennan – her ex-boyfriend and her brother. She had been ready to rage and fight, scream until her voice became hoarse, succumbing to the heartbreak of betrayal and grief. However, after being asleep for so long all she felt was fatigue and her usual strength escaped her. Her dragon Tairn’s insistence on nourishment had overthrown her rage. She chose to sate her hunger instead of surrendering to the desire to unleash her lightning on both men.

“It would be unwise to burn the shadow wielder and your blood in an act of emotional distress.” Tairn told her not unkindly.

“If they hadn’t angered me I wouldn’t be in emotional distress in the first place.” Tairn humored her and released a sound that she interpreted as a laugh.

Betrayal hurt. All she had wished since her brother had died was to see him again, for him to encompass her in one of his tender, but strong hugs just one more time. Yet, Brennan had stood in front of her and instead of the warm feelings she had come to associate with him, anger fueled her. He had let her and Mira grieve while he was just outside the borders, fighting a dangerous threat none of them were aware of. He had faked his death, uncaring of the consequences of his actions. Violet knew that if it wasn’t for Xaden bringing her here to be mended, Brennan would have never made contact with her, and that was what hurt the most.

Xaden’s betrayal was different but no less devastating. She had given him her heart and he had treated it carelessly. He knew so much about her while she knew little to nothing about him. He refused to open up and yet wanted to keep her heart. Violet could only guess it was so he could shatter it again. She understood, to a degree, why he had not told her about venins; if her memories were breached, which Dain had done, they were all dead. However, the lack of information just reinforced what she already knew: Xaden was not ready to give her even a fraction of the love and trust she carried for him. Even something as small as sharing this simple soup dish she was currently eating. His father made it for him every year on his birthday, and they ate it together followed by a slice of chocolate cake.

Violet had to learn small details about Xaden’s life through someone else and she couldn’t be in a relationship with someone that worked that way.

Brennan had hovered near the kitchen, but he gathered rather quickly that unless he wanted to lose all his limbs it would be wise to leave Violet alone. He was the last person she wanted to see at the moment, she was even more angry with him than with Xaden.

Imogen emerged through the door, disrupting Violet's brooding, pulling her back to the present without a preamble.

“I was starting to think you wouldn’t wake up anymore.” Imogen remarked, sliding into a seat beside her, uninvited yet familiar. The kind lady got her a plate of soup as well.

“I should be offended that you have so little faith in me.” Violet quipped.

“Don’t be. I’ve known riders who have died for less.” Violet could see the small crease of an eyebrow on Imogen’s face as she talked.

“Don’t go soft on me, it might ruin your reputation.” Violet teased. “Some might even say you were worried.”

Imogen stole a glance at her and smirked, and despite herself, Violet found herself returning the expression.

“I’m glad you’re alive Sorrengail.” Imogen said at last. Violet nodded, she was glad to be alive as well. “I heard Brennan bitching nervously earlier.” She approached cautiously.

Violet huffed “Did he send you to plead his case? Because if he thinks he has to send you then he knows he’s beyond forgiveness at the moment.” She then turned fully to Imogen, and although she tried to play her words with levity they still held a hint of hesitation to them. “And here I was thinking you cared about my well being. Turns out you’re just here to question me.”

Imogen huffed “Don’t insult me. I don’t like Brennan enough to come here and antagonize you. But unfortunately for you, he is your brother and as you need to keep secrecy over his not-death status to your squad friends, you might need someone to talk to and I know Xaden is not a person you want to see right now. Not that I think he’d be the ideal person to have this conversation with in the first place but you did seem fond of him for some reason. The duty seems to fall to me now.”

Violet rolled her eyes and ignored the bait to speak about Xaden. If they started discussing relationships she knew this conversation would grow sour very quickly. “Cut the crap, Imogen, you make it sound as if everything you do is part of a job. I'd like to think I know you well enough to know that you’d just tell me to suck it up and handle my emotions. We’ve known each other long enough to expect honesty and you’ve never held back on your words, don’t start now.”

Imogen turned her gaze on her, studying Violet’s posture, and with a tone she had never heard before she said “That’s a lie Violet. If my sister showed up in front of me after 6 years I don't think I would be sitting right here eating a damn soup and keeping it together, so I can’t ask the same of you.” Imogen paused, her facade slipping for a moment. “Xaden might have been the one to make me train you in the first place and you might be crucial to his survival, but I do like you.”

Violet swallowed the lump in her throat, she never had thought that hearing Imogen of all people telling her it wasn’t expected of her to keep it together was what might finally break her. Of course she would understand the position Violet found herself in, her sister had been murdered as well, except Imogen saw her burn while Violet’s brother was alive in the other room.

“I’m flattered.” Violet answered shortly, masking her emotions, then added “Who would’ve thought, for someone who wanted to kill me the first time we sparred, I'd say we made good progress.'' Imogen laughed, lifting the tone of the conversation a bit.

Violet then grew serious again, if Imogen was offering she wouldn’t waste the opportunity, even if it was just so she could regret her words. “I don’t know if I can forgive him, he knows what the consequences of faking his death were to me and Mira. It’s why he’s feeling so uneasy.”

Violet remembered when her mother grew more ruthless and even more distant after Brennan’s death. The little love she held for her children dissipated, leaving two girls taking care of one another instead of being a mother comforting her two living children. Violet’s father had been there and he had tried his best at supporting both her and Mira, but nothing could compare to a mother’s love and Violet had always grown up without it. Besides, her father had been too struck with grief for him to be able to do anything useful regarding their emotions.

“In his head, fighting against what was outside the wards was more important than the comfortable life he was living in Navarre. In a way, he thought he was protecting you.”

“Just because the cause is noble doesn’t mean forgiveness comes easier.”

“No, it doesn’t.” They ate in silence for a while, Violet could see Imogen working up her courage to say something. “I never forgave my mother and sister for joining Fen, even if I know it was the right thing to do. Even if I’m doing the exact same thing by joining his son.”

Violet was surprised by this revelation and showcase of vulnerability, which made her think carefully about her words. For one, Imogen did not have young children under her care who would mourn her loss, not that Violet was going to bring that up. Secondly, she thought Imogen's loyalty to Xaden was different than the one her mother and sister held for Fen. As far as she knew, Fen Riorson had never suffered scars on his back for them. “The consequences were pretty grim, and even if they did it with the intention to make the world a better place you’re allowed to be selfish and wish they had thought better of what it could cost you. But maybe they were so desperate that they saw no other way.” It did not escape Violet that she was defending Imogen’s mother and sister while she was defending Brennan. The irony could not be overlooked.

Imogen nodded, a grateful smile marking her face, and they fell silent. Violet realized that amidst the turmoil, a bond had formed between them, not of friendship, but of understanding and trust. Whether it had formed during their training sessions or in the heat of the battle, she knew they respected each other.

The quiet tranquility was shattered when Bodhi barged through the kitchen doors and Violet started to wonder if she’d have peace ever again.

“Wanna go eavesdrop?” Bodhi's question came without any preamble.

Confusion must have registered on Violet's face, for Bodhi added. “The Assembly is reuniting, it’s a council made up of seven people, but only five are usually here. This is the first time they've all gathered since Xaden went to Basgiath. I think they are discussing something that concerns us and the door is open.”

Violet and Imogen did not waste time and followed Bodhi across the house, leaving their soups unfinished.

“Does the Assembly rule Aretia?” Violet asked. Her brain filled itself with questions, now that Bodhi had given her information she was not privy to before. She thought he only had told her because Imogen was also there, but she would take advantage of any information they gave her.

It was Imogen who answered. “Not quite, they are more concerned about the revolution than anything else right now.”

“Xaden and Brennan are the ones who do the most supervising of what’s left of Aretia.” Bodhi chimed in.

Somehow Violet wasn’t that surprised by that fact. Xaden exuded natural leadership, commanding trust and loyalty. Considering that they were currently in his house and that he had a hundred and seven scars on his back to prove what he was willing to do for his people, it didn’t surprise her that he held sway over Aretia's affairs.

Brennan’s involvement left her more surprised, but upon reflection – it made sense. Someone had to oversee the city while Xaden was out in Basgiath. Had he stayed in Navarre he would’ve risen to Captain or even a General, Brennan was his mother’s son which meant leading people was in his blood. Violet just didn’t understand how and why people trusted him.

Bodhi puts a finger to his lips when they reach a hallway where one of the rooms has an open door. Inside there’s a long table but only five people are sitting around it. Xaden is on his feet near a comfortable-looking chair and Brennan is overseeing a map. From their positions, they aren’t able to see the three of them.

Violet sees one of Xaden’s shadows beside her and she knows he’s aware they’re eavesdropping. She waits to see if he’ll call attention to them, but he keeps staring at the people in the room.

“Someone has to state the obvious,” an older man with an eyepatch and a hawkish nose says from the far end of the table. All the occupants in the room are dressed in rider black.

Brennan starts pacing the room, seeing him walking freely uninjured and alive makes Violet momentarily forget herself and her anger rises. Her skin becomes hot and she can feel the lighting at the edge of her fingertips. Reminding herself she can’t burn the house, Violet immediately starts to ground and the lightning dissipates.

“And what is the obvious thing you need to state, Major Ferris?” Xaden asks, his tone completely, utterly bored.

“Returning is the only option,” the man, Ferris, continues. “Not doing so risks everything we’re building here. Search patrols will come, and we don’t have enough riders—”

“It’s a little hard to recruit while trying to stay undetectable.” a petite woman with glossy black hair counters, the skin at the corners of her eyes crinkling as she glares down the table at the older man.

“Let’s not get off topic, Trissa,” Brennan says, rubbing the bridge of his nose. He looks exhausted, Violet wonders if he too stayed awake while she was unconscious, waiting for her to wake.

“No point increasing our numbers without a working forge to arm them with weapons.” Ferris’ voice rises above the others. “We’re still short of a luminary if you haven’t noticed.”

“And whose fault is that?” an older woman with blonde hair quips, her eyes narrowing on Xaden “Tecarus isn’t over the insult you delivered last summer. Especially if you won’t even contemplate his latest offer”.

“We will not be discussing this again.” Xaden said in a low tone, his most dangerous one. If they were in Basgiath no one would dare to contradict him. “He never planned to give us the luminary.” His eyes narrowed. Violet didn’t know who Tecarus was, but it was obvious Xaden wanted nothing to do with him. “The river that surrounds Aretia will dry up before I accept any of his offers.”

“You’re being inconsequential, we need the luminary.” The older woman almost jumps out of her seat, a true showcase of how agitated she is. Violet hears Bodhi suck in a breath.

Xaden remains quiet, he rounds up on the chair he was leaning against and sits in it, staring at the members of the Assembly. His eyes have a hard edge to them, Violet can see the quiet fury in his irises.

The room falls quiet, and the woman recoils with the silence that settled around the table. It’s obvious that Xaden commands the room, just like he does at Basgiath. With the way none of the other riders meet his eyes, Violet can assume he’s the most powerful rider present.

“Next to you.” Tairn whispered in Violet's mind, a reminder of her own power.

“He’s so dramatic.” Imogen murmured, drawing a hidden smile from Violet.

“I am working on a diplomatic solution, now could we go back to the topic?” Brennan breaks the silence. This, Violet knew, had not changed, Brennan would always be the mediator in any room he was in. He did it all the time between Violet and their mother.

“We should just take Basgiath luminary, but if you want to go back to the topic Lieutenant Colonel Aisereigh the cadets have to return.” A man with a silver beard says.

Brennan and Xaden exchange a look, and Violet is left with the impression that they know each other better than she knows either of them. That thought leaves a bitter aftertaste in her mouth.

“If we take the Basgiath luminary the wards will fall and countless innocent lives will be lost. Do you want that over your heads?” The room remained silent.

“The Cadets are not of your concern.” Xaden stated firmly. “You can give advice but the final decision will fall upon us.”

“We should only send six of them back, they can all lie as well as eight.” A woman who had stayed quiet until now spoke. “two of them stay here.”

“None of the eight are expendable, Suri.” The man with a silver beard says.

“What do you propose Felix? That we run our own war college? Because we have so much spare time, most of them are not even finished with their education.”

“Felix could run a college.” Bodhi muttered. Violet turned a questioning eye to him. “He’s Carr but better, so much better. It’s why we all have our signets work so well, he’s a great teacher.” Violet nodded and compartmentalized that information for later, an idea forming in her mind.

“As I said, the cadets are not your concern.” Xaden repeated, his patience wavering.

“Your life–”

“Is as important as any of theirs.” He points to Violet, Bodhi, and Imogen, revealing their stance at the door.

All the Assembly members turn their heads to them, Violet watches as each of them widens their eyes at their presence.

“Not all of them.” Suri says looking directly at Violet, making her point clear. “This meeting wasn’t open to her.” Violet lifts one eyebrow and stares the woman down.

Violet’s mother might not have loved her dearly, but she made sure all her children knew how to behave in political settings. She had watched Lilith Sorrrengail in rooms such as this one on multiple occasions, and the lesson was clear—confidence was a weapon more potent than any magic. “There’s nothing someone with power fears more than a confident woman” her mother had said to her and Mira. “Even if you don’t feel powerful on the inside, if you can mask that, and convince others that you view yourself as powerful they’ll start shivering with fear.” It was probably the most helpful advice she ever gave to her third child.

Violet senses Suri is uncomfortable with her unwavering eyes set on her and she finally turns her gaze away. She wouldn't allow anyone to belittle her, especially not after her recent triumph over a horde of venin and wyverns. During her whole life, she felt weak, but she no longer is that girl. Violet doesn’t care that this Assembly sees her as Lilith’s daughter, Brennan’s sister, or even Xaden’s burden, none of those matter because she’s Violet Sorrengail, a lightning wielder and Tairn and Andarna’s rider.

Tairn roars in her head, his pride overflowing their bond, giving her even more strength to stand on her own.

“If you wanted privacy you should’ve closed the door.” Violet remarked coolly.

“She cannot be trusted.” Suri hisses, ignoring Violet as if she’s not in the room. She might give the impression she’s furious but Violet can see the fear beneath her eyes. She knows who is the most powerful rider among the two of them.

“Xaden took responsibility for her already.” Imogen says as she moves closer to Violet. She does not know what “taking responsibility” entails, but knowing Xaden she knew she wasn’t going to like it. However, she would not make her doubts known out loud, in public, in this room.

“I still don’t see–”

“I don’t care what you think Suri, she’s worth a dozen of me.” Xaden leaves no room for argument. Violet might have even believed his words if she wasn’t so sure he was only saying them so that Suri could keep her mouth shut. Violet was a valuable weapon which is why Xaden wants her here, but she never imagined he would say it out loud.

“She hasn’t yet proved her loyalty. She’s the general’s daughter.” The man at the end of the table, Ferris, says.

Anger sparks in Violet and instead of letting anyone defend her honor, she starts to speak, her tone taunting. “And do tell me what do I need to do to prove my loyalty? Bonding with not one but two dragons that support the rebellion? Done. Betraying my country and defending Poromish citizens? Done. Kill Venins and Wyverns? Keep Xaden alive? Done. Keep his secrets? I’ve done all of that.”

“You didn’t keep one secret.” Suri says in a low voice. The room grows silent before her words register and chaos ensues.

“She couldn’t–” Felix began.

“That was not–” Xaden starts rising from his chair.

“Ask her about Aileean” Tairn growls inside her head. “Ask her about her friend who helped take down her city because she read her memories on how to breach security.”

“And ask her how far in her training she was when that happened.” Sgaeyl added. Violet had not expected to hear the dragon’s voice so soon, it’s not like she liked Violet very much, but she did as they said.

“Suri” Violet started and the whole room grew quiet once more. She kept her voice low, just as she had seen Xaden do multiple times. “Might I remind you what happened with Aileean?” She heard Brennan gasp. “How your city was sacked because of you?”

“How do you know that?” Suri asked in a small voice, and Violet almost felt bad, almost. She would not pity the woman who accused her of betraying the man she loved because she trusted a childhood friend.

Violet smirked, “I’m keeping that one a secret.” Imogen coughed, hiding her laugh.

From the corner of her eye, Violet could see Xaden smirking at her, she did her best to ignore him, keeping her eyes on Suri. She was still mad at him after all.

“Let’s not fight.” Felix said, ending their staring contest. “There was no way she, a first year student, could withstand a memory reader, especially from a person she trusted. You should know that Suri.” The woman had a sour look on her face. Then Felix turned to look at Violet. “However Ms. Sorrengail, you should know that you have enemies in Basgiath and that Aetos is one of them.”

“I am aware of that now.” Violet said. The truth tasted bitter in her mouth. Never in all of her years alive had she thought Dain wasn’t to be trusted. He could annoy her when he pointed out her weaknesses and underestimated her, but she never doubted his loyalty to her. In just a few days Violet had suffered more betrayals than she thought she could stomach, however, she couldn’t dwell on them. She had to keep moving.

If I look back I am lost

“Let’s wrap this up.” Brennan started saying, eyeing Xaden who was staring down at Suri as if he was going to commit murder anytime soon. Violet supposed that insulting his favorite weapon was unfortunate. “I expect an update on Zolya in the morning.”

The members of the Assembly dispersed the room, leaving Xaden, Brennan, Violet, Imogen, and Bodhi alone.

“Eavesdropping went well.” Imogen broke the silence.

“They have the talent of being even more unpleasant than you.” Violet quipped.

Imogen rolled her eyes, not rising to the bait, but she did land a light punch on Violet’s shoulder.

“We’re heading to the Valley, come meet us there” Xaden told Violet. She raised an eyebrow to him and crossed her arms. They had barely spoken to each other and yet he was already pushing her away. With a knowing glance, probably sensing where her thoughts were headed, he came closer to her and told her in a low tone. “Talk to your brother, you don’t know when you’ll get another chance. We won’t make a decision without you.”

She turned her gaze to Brennan, standing in the middle of the room looking at her with hopeful eyes. He looked like a lost puppy and all she could feel was pure anger. She didn’t want to speak with him, but Xaden was right and she knew she’d regret it if she returned to Basgiath without at least trying to talk to him. They were at war and one of them could die, and this time remain dead, at any moment. “I don’t promise he’ll make it out intact.” She murmured to Xaden.

“As long as he’s breathing by the end of it.” Xaden told her. “After that, I guess it’ll be my turn to pledge for your forgiveness.”

Violet turned her sharp eyes to Xaden. He would have a lot of groveling to do if he really wanted her forgiveness, and somehow she had the feeling he wasn’t going to work hard enough for it. She might still love him, but he certainly didn’t feel the same, she was just a powerful weapon to him. “Don’t think I won’t throw more daggers to your head. Don’t piss me off Riorson.” He had the audacity to smirk as his eyes softened. He nodded and went his way, Imogen and Bodhi following him.

Violet turned her gaze on Brennan and took a deep breath, “Is this room soundproof?”

“Yes.” Brennan quietly answered. “Violet …”

As quick as lightning, Violet unsheathed one of her daggers and threw it at her brother.

Notes:

sooo what do we think about that ?? tell me your thoughts !!

shoutout to JustAlliHere for inspiring that last line. I was going to have Violet punch Brennan but after reading chapter 20 and 21 of storm in the quiet I decided to change it. Also if you're wondering "will every chapter have those bold blurbs just like the canon series? The answer is probably not, i'm not that creative, but in the chapters where I think its necessary they will be there.

Also i have a question: did you enjoy Iron Flame's finale ? I'm thinking of changing it but i'm not sure yet and i wanted to know opinions. What do you think should have happened ?

come interact with me on tumblr. i am at your disposal ask all the questions you have: tumblr

english is not my first language so if you see a mistake no you didn’t <3

Chapter 2

Notes:

thank you so much for the comments i’ve received last chapter !! i didn’t know ppl would enjoy it so much, i’m mostly writing this for me but seeing your support truly fills my heart.

this has 8k words i am tired and my brain isn’t working i swear i won’t do this again (me when i lie) enjoy the chapter <3

I’ll survive this, not because I have to, but because, in the end, I am and always will be my mother’s daughter.

– Recovered Correspondence of Cadet Violet Sorrengail to Lieutenant Xaden Riorson.

The dagger landed precisely where she intended, near Brennan's head, grazing a bit of his ear, and drawing blood.

“Violet” Brennan said, his voice tinged with fear, looking at her as if he were seeing her for the first time.“What the…”

“You’re lucky I didn’t throw it somewhere it would need mending.” Violet fumed, then whispered. “You are a coward.”

Brennan flinched as if she had punched him. “Little one–”

“Don’t you dare use nicknames on me. You lost that right the day you decided to make me mourn you.” Violet spat, she could feel tears starting to leak from her eyes, the control she had so carefully held onto all morning slipping. “How could you have left me? Left Mira?”

“It was for the best,” Brennan said, his voice uncertain.

Violet grabbed another dagger in her hand but didn't throw it, yet. “How could watching your things burn be for the best?” She recalled that day vividly, frozen in time. The smell of his clothes and belongings burning filled her mind—the flower he picked in the meadow outside the Chakir outpost, the stuffed animals he slept with as a child, his favorite sweater—all of it incinerated as Violet watched, tears marking her face.

“It was the only way” Violet could see his desperation as he spoke, so she let him continue, “Naolin was able to save me from impending death, but it cost him everything.” Her brother looked pained, as if the memory itself could undo him. “Marbh was wounded, but with the help of other dragons, he brought me to a cave, where the civilians who were able to escape Aretia’s flames were hiding. After I recovered I didn’t want to return, I couldn’t stand by, safe behind the barriers of Navarre’s wards, and watch innocent people die at the hands of dark wielders because our leadership is too selfish to help. I couldn’t return to the safety of home knowing what we’re doing.” His tone hardened. “Besides I couldn’t face our mother and listen to her justify our cowardice. I refused to live the lie.”

“You just let me and Mira live in ignorance.” Violet shot back. “Knowing very well that Mira was going to join the riders’ quadrant that year. Knowing that with our surname she would be very likely to climb the ranks of command and be sent to the frontlines. That instead of fighting gryphon riders, she could very well cross paths with venins.” Violet turned the dagger in her hand. “You have left us defenseless.”

“I wanted to bring you here.” Brennan looked at his feet while he said this, a familiar habit since childhood. Her brother may have forgotten, but she still knew his mannerisms as well as she knew the back of her dragon. She knew he was lying through his teeth.

She threw the dagger, and this time it landed just above his knee, causing Brennan to let out a guttural scream.

“You stabbed me!” His voice was incredulous. “You’ve got to be more careful with your aim.”

“I didn’t miss.” Violet hissed, grabbing another dagger. Brennan looked at her as if he didn’t recognize her, probably because he didn’t. “I’ll stop throwing daggers when you stop lying to me.”

“I’m not lying” he lied “And Dad—“

“Dad died a year after you disappeared. I was fifteen Brennan, and I doubt that you didn’t learn of Dad’s death soon after.” Violet could feel her power rising, her skin heating, and in this moment she didn’t care if she burned inside out, for her brother would burn with her. “I had to take care of myself because Mira was gone, you were dead and mom never held an ounce of love for me. Did you want to bring me here then? When I was alone wallowing in grief, with the only person who ever cared for me fighting for her life in a death college? Did you think of bringing me into the rebellion then? When the harshest winter hit Navarre three years ago, did you think to search for me? When my bones would snap because they couldn’t handle the extreme temperatures? Surely you remember how much you used to mend me? Or were you too worried about Xaden’s first year in Basgiath and what that meant to the rebellion to remember your weak sister? You can hide things from me, Brennan Sorrengail, but don’t lie to me!”

”I wanted you safe.” He gave another lame excuse. “Keeping you out of the revolution was the only option.

”I would have been much safer if I knew about the looming threat.” Violet said, her voice rising.

 

She could hear the thunder outside, caused by her anger. She needed to calm down, but with her brother standing in front of her, it was a difficult task. Brennan kept repeating himself, speaking in circles, not admitting his own faults, while Violet only kept accusing him.

The conversation would lead nowhere, Violet would not forgive Brennan, not today at least, so she chose to change strategy. She knew two things about herself at the moment: debating emotions left her stressed, but debating facts grounded her and unless she wanted Aretia to burn again she needed to stop the lightning show. She saw fit to put her brain to work to see how much information her brother was willing to give her. “How much more time do we even have? If they are as close as Athebyne then we’re doomed. How long until they reach Navarre? Two to three years?”

“Athebyne was the closest they’ve gotten, but it was an anomaly. Garrick Tavis found a box at Resson, we think that’s what brought them in. We didn’t have time to inspect it since we destroyed it, but it was Navarrian made. And by Felix’s calculations, we have a year at most—“

”A year?” Violet was incredulous. If the majority of Navarre wasn’t aware of the threat, and if the fliers couldn’t handle the dark wielders, what was the rebellion doing to ensure their win? The weapons Xaden was stealing certainly weren’t enough, and if the Assembly members were to be trusted they didn’t have enough people fighting for them. Was the rebellion waiting to all fall apart to reveal the secrets to Navarre’s population? To ask for the people’s help? For the Navarrian riders’ help? It would be too late by the time they did that. Were they only relying on the weapons? “Tell me you have capable riders. Tell me you figured out another way to destroy dark wilders without those daggers. Tell me that isn’t your only chance.” When Brennan didn’t answer and only kept picking at his wound, her knife still embedded in his knee, she snapped. “Are you waiting for the venin to come knocking on your door? Do you even have a plan? Or are you just relying on the fliers to do the job? We were ten riders at Athebyne Brennan, plus how many fliers were in Syrena’s drift, and the venin played us as if it were a child’s play.”

Brennan looked up from his wound, the frustration on his face evident, his voice began to rise. “We need the weapons! That’s the only way to defeat them besides having wards up, which we don’t have, even if we have a wardstone.” His eyes narrowed. “And apparently by the others' reports, your lightning can also kill them, you’re not as defenseless as you make it sound.”

“Using my signet almost killed me”. Violet seethed, he spent three days mending her and yet he sounded as if he discarded her sacrifice.

Brennan ignored her. “And no, of course we don’t have enough riders, we’re still operating under Navarre’s nose! It’s not like we can send people to bond dragons at Basgiath and have them serve the revolution.”

“The time to operate under the radar is long gone if you think we only have one year! Is this rebellion even in the open outside of Navarre? Does Poromiel know, or only a small group of fliers? Do other cities in Tyrrendor know? Are you getting any help outside of Aretia?”

“This is why I wanted to leave you out of this!!” Brennan evaded her questions, which was enough of an answer. “You don’t understand, but now you’re here so involved with this rebellion because you’re tethered to Riorson, and if you die the revolution is over because he dies–”

Suddenly Violet crosses the room and slaps him. “Is that all I am to you?” She hissed. “Xaden’s weakness?” His eyes widened, his hand reaching for his face, where a bruise was already forming. “Gods you’re so much like mom, you measure people’s worth by how useful they can be to you and your purpose! You still see me as weak even if you haven’t known me since I was fourteen! Even though I bonded not one, but two dragons, even though I single-handedly saved our asses in Resson. Even though I’m predestined to be one of the strongest riders of my generation.”

 

”Vi—”

“Don’t you dare talk to me as if you’re my brother, because my sweet caring brother died the day he fell from the sky.” She turns her back on him. “I wish Fen Riorson had left you dead.” She whispers, and before he can react or she can regret her words, Violet storms out of the room.

 

Throughout her life, Violet has been in a constant battle—against her own body, against the weight of everyone's expectations, against her inner demons. It used to be a struggle to get out of bed every morning, to face each day when all of her body was screaming with agony. Being the General’s daughter, however, meant she couldn’t hide herself away, she needed to show everyone she was the best in her field, and that meant leaving her bed.

On particularly bad days, she was allowed to stay abed, but that came with its own set of emotions. Instead of feeling the constant physical pain in her bones, she felt the gnawing guilt of being born weak. Brennan and her mother were on top of dragons, Mira perfected her combat skills day in and day out, and her father dedicated himself tirelessly to his craft. Yet, Violet remained confined to bed – a constant reminder that she hadn’t been born right, because the very body that was supposed to support and protect her, rebelled against her.

Over the years her pain tolerance grew and she had fewer days where she needed rest. With each passing year she spent more time doing her tasks, instead of succumbing to her body, it felt like a hard-won victory.

Despite all of this, whispers of skepticism reached her ears, downplaying her strengths.

Her dragons, her lightning, her survival – it all seemed irrelevant. All people seemed to notice was her small stature and fragile appearance and dismissed her capabilities, assuming her as weak.

What cuts the deepest is that the people who discredited her the most were her own family.

With each dismissal, Violet felt her heart breaking a little more every day.

 

“You are not weak.” Tairn’s reassuring voice echoed through her head. “You are the strongest of them all. Remember that I chose you. You are allowed to feel upset, but you have to calm down, Silver One, breathe.”

Most times, being told to calm down only fuelled her anger, but this time it worked. She reminded herself that Tairn wants to help, and that even if she’s still hurt by his omissions, he’s still her dragon, and they have a bond that goes beyond any feeling of weakness she might have.

 

As she walks she doesn’t notice the beauty of the rebuilding city, only focused on reaching her dragons. Hopefully, she’ll have time to digest it one day, but right now, she still holds too many fresh memories of betrayal to truly enjoy its enchantment.

When she reaches the Vale, Violet notices those who flew with her in the Resson battle, they eye her warily.

She’s not in the mood to entertain idle talk. She doesn’t trust herself to remain calm, much less without frying anyone, she was still too wound up from her fight with Brennan.

Violet ignores their looks, she knows they saw the lightning, and are currently seeing Brennan’s absence. Xaden looks at her with an odd look on his face, it dawns on her that he can probably see the tear stains on her face.

She lifts her head and doesn’t dry them up.

 

She keeps walking, heading straight to Tairn. The Black dragon is lying beside Sgaeyl, Xaden’s dragon. Who addresses her before Violet can reach her dragon.

“That was quite a show.”

"Are you going to lecture me to keep my temper in check?” Violet had little patience for Sgaeyl’s sarcasm.

"No.” Sgaeyl replied, narrowing her eyes. “The shadow wielder was right to give you that nickname.” She was referring to Violence, the name Xaden has called her since the beginning. “You’re more ruthless than I thought you were capable of.”

"Thank you?” Violet responded out loud, unsure whether Sgaeyl’s remark was a compliment or an insult, knowing the dragon, it was perhaps both.

"Even better that it was your blood you stabbed, I don’t like him.”

”Right now that makes two of us.”

Sgaeyl emitted what could only be interpreted as a snort, indicating they had found common ground in their disdain for Brennan.

 

Violet turned her attention to Tairn. “Where’s Andarna?”

Before Tairn could respond, Sgaeyl rose and moved her wing, revealing a sleeping dragon behind them.

A dragon three sizes larger than when Violet last saw Andarna, but despite that, she knows without a doubt that the sleeping dragon is her little golden one. She can feel the bond in her head pulsing, taking shape, changing from gold to black.

She was Tairn’s color now, the black scales reflecting in the sunlight. Violet feels dizzy, with a growing anxiety inside her, she never expected Andarna to be so different, and she’s not sure how she’s supposed to react.

“Temper your emotions, or she’ll feel you agitated, and wake up distressed.” Tairn warns her.

“What happened? Is she hurt?” Her voice was uneasy.

“She wasn’t going to stay gold forever Silver One. She’s just growing.” Tairn explained.

“Tairn she’s twice the size she was three days ago, that can’t be normal.” Violet countered, her worry mounting.

Tairn huffed. “It’s a bit … accelerated but it was going to happen regardless.”

They didn’t have much information on dragon feathertails to know about their growing process, but there was only one thing that could have accelerated Andarna’s. It wasn’t hard for Violet to connect the dots, “It’s my fault, she used too much energy that made her grow before she was ready.”

“Stop that thought before it can advance. It is not your fault that the little one protected you. It was her duty to her rider.” Tairn interjected firmly.

“Tairn—“

“I don’t want to hear anything about it, Silver One, we’ll handle this issue as we’ve handled several others. This is normal for dragons, even if she is a few weeks ahead of schedule. She’ll have to enter the dreamless sleep soon so her growth can go seamlessly. The worst thing about this will be her mood, teenagers are known to be reckless and wild.”

Violet let out a long sigh, she could only accept Tairn’s answer, she wasn’t in the headspace to fight him on this. Still, she worried, but she trusted Tairn to handle the dragons' affairs. “She’s black, and you told us she isn’t yours, when I bonded did you know she was part of your den?”

“Only the elders know for sure what a hatchling’s pigment will be, so no, I didn’t know. Black dragons are rare, but not impossible.”

 

Andarna started waking up at that moment, attempting to rise on unsteady legs, which made her lie down again. She reminded Violet of a newborn horse. She made sure to keep that thought behind her shields, Andarna surely wouldn’t be happy with the comparison.

“Don’t approach unless she asks you to.” Tairn quietly says in her mind.

“Hey,” Violet tries the connection with Andarna, but doesn’t approach her.

“I can no longer stop time.” Andarna quietly whispers in her mind.

“I know.” For reassurance, Violet adds. “It does not matter, you are alive and you saved us all. You were so brave, I am very proud that I can say I am your rider.” That was the right thing to say because Andarna purrs towards Violet. She still doesn’t approach her dragon, just as Tairn had suggested.

“I thought you would be disappointed.”

“Never. We knew that gift would only last while you were little, and now you are so big.” That made Andarna growl, which made Violet turn her head towards Tairn. Wondering what she had done wrong.

“Adolescents.” Violet knew that if dragons could, Tairn would be rolling his eyes.

“I am fine.” Andarna told Tairn. “We will fly back.” She narrows her eyes in concentration while she, once more, tries to get on her feet.

She flares her wings out, but only one fully extends, and she stumbles under the uneven weight, careening forward.

Suddenly, Xaden’s shadows are there, preventing her from falling.

Violet tried to mask her reaction, not wanting to show how much seeing Andarna’s wing bent affected her, she didn’t want to upset her dragon, but she couldn’t help but worry. Tairn may try to downplay her accelerated growth, but Violet knew a bent wing was never a good sign. She wouldn’t have that conversation with Andarna present, however, unless she wanted her to snap. Luckily she could get a reign in her emotions without the little dragon noticing because Tairn and Andarna were bickering.

“We haven’t decided what we're going to do yet, Andarna.”Violet kindly said.

“You can decide on your own.” She said with all the righteousness an adolescent dragon could have.

It made Violet crack a smile. “I’m not the one in charge here.” before Andarna started protesting she added, “But I’ll make sure your opinion is heard and I’ll fight dutifully for it.”

That seemed to satisfy Andarna and as she settled again, as Xaden removed his shadows from her, Sgaeyl approached, settling beside her. The two of them seemed to be cuddling, although, if pointed out, Violet knew they would deny it.

 

Violet turned to the ones who were in the Valley with her: Xaden, Garrick, Imogen, Bodhi, and two men and a woman whose names escaped her. Navarre shapes you in the way that you can go to war with people you don’t even know the name of, they can die beside you without you having any idea who they are. The thought made Violet sick.

Xaden looked at her with surprise. “You’re missing two daggers.” He furrowed his eyebrows, it seemed to Violet he was trying to guess where she could have lost them.

“She stuck one on the wall near my head and the other in my knee.” The response came in the form of Brennan appearing in their vision field. His knee appears healed, he probably mended himself, which as far as she remembers is much harder than mending others. The thought almost brings a smile to her face. He brings her two daggers with him.

Garrick and Bodhi seem speechless with Brennan’s comment, Imogen lifts an eyebrow towards Violet and her only response is to wink at her.

Then, Violet scolded her expression as she turned towards her brother. “I’ll stick another through your shoulder if you’re not careful General Aisereigh.” She sneered at his fake name and accepted the daggers he gave her.

“It’s Colonel, actually” Brennan dryly corrected. “And I'll keep that in mind.”

Xaden looked as if he wanted to comment, but thought better of it and Violet was glad. She did not want to throw daggers at Xaden, she knew he would enjoy it too much. “We need to go back, or they’ll kill every cadet with a rebellion relic for your desertion, the underage ones as well.” She starts.

Xaden noded. “I’ve thought about that.”

“They’re going to execute you as soon as you land. They won’t even listen to you.” Brennan interjected, and by his stance, Violet knew he was ready to fight. He was still reeling from their fight earlier, she could tell, and was going to annoy her to no end with his stubborn attitude. Unfortunately for him, the same stubborn blood runs through her veins.

“They won’t. They have to give us a trial, even if I don’t think it’ll go as far as that.” When Brennan began to protest, she added “You recite the Codex to them and they’ll have to do it or they’ll risk being called authoritarian.”

“Fine.” Brennan replied, itching for a fight. “Let’s pretend they give you a chance to explain, they’ll see through every lie you’re about to sell them. General Sorrengail already knows you’re missing, according to our intel.”

“Even better. She’ll believe whatever story I tell her, she’ll want to. Losing two children would be an embarrassment for her, and if one of them died for being considered a traitor it would be even worse.”

“She’ll see through you, she’s a much better liar than any of us are.”

“The last time you saw me lie I was fourteen, don’t underestimate me, the last person who did that is dead with a mountain on top of him.” Violet stared at Brennan. “She didn’t participate in the War Games this year, she did not know. She wouldn’t kill me.”

“You believe she won’t kill you, and yet it was her who put you in the Rider’s Quadrant.”

“Sorrengails are riders.” She repeated the words her mother had told her, almost a year ago. “I still live, I still ride. She put me in the quadrant because I’m too smart for my own good, and despite how much we dislike each other, we spent four years living together, just the two of us. We know each other in a way that you’ll never know her.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that she knew I would figure out the lies sooner rather than later and that I would betray my country because of them. Besides, before entering the quadrant I was just her daughter, but now she could never risk losing my lightning.”

 

Silence stretched in the Valley. Violet wasn’t sure if it was because they just realized she knew her mother so well or if because they were reminded of her power. Either way, Brennan also knew their mother quite well and they seemed to trust him for some reason.

“What about the others in Command, they don’t have a relationship with you to want to believe you.” Brennan argued.

“Have you forgotten all of your lessons dear brother.” she retorted, spatting their blood relation, “No one besides the General decides what happens at her outpost, and in this case that is Basgiath. I’ve seen royals backing down to our mother’s threats, Colonel Aetos won’t be different.”

Violent was aware of the others observing them, waiting and watching if the need to intervene would be necessary. Luckily for them, Violet wanted to get this over with.

“We will return, or everything you’ve been working towards the past years will have been for naught.” Including your death, Violet thought, but refrained from saying it out loud. She didn't want to have another fight especially when they had an audience.

“Sorrengail is right.” One of the cadets she didn’t know the name of said. “And General Sorrengail wasn’t there.”

“Really Ciaran, defending the General?” the woman scoffed.

The man rolled his eyes. “Obviously not Eya, I’m not defending her, but she wasn’t there. Aetos was the one who gave the orders. Besides, I think Sorrengail knows her mother better than any of us do.” He turns a skeptical eye to Violet before he turns to look at the other man. “What do you think Massen?”

“I think that if I heard Dain Aetos brag one more time about how involved his father was going to be in the War Games I would throw myself off the parapet.” He turned towards Brennan, “Your mother had nothing to do with it, I think.”

The woman, Eya, seemed perplexed. “Are we just supposed to trust that their mother won’t kill us on sight? Because she’s been so benevolent in the past.” she said sarcastically, then she turned to Violet taking a step towards her. “Are you willing to bet our lives on it?”

 

Before she could respond, Andarna snapped her jaws in Eya's direction. Violet heard a low growl coming from Tairn. “Step away Eya, now.”

Violet then turned towards Andarna. “It’s okay, we’re just seeing what the best path to follow is.” She tried to use a soothing voice, so as to not unsettle Andarna’s teenage mood even further.

“It should be decided already, we should go. I tire of your silly human fights.” Her whiny tone almost made Violet crack a smile. “And I should eat her for trying to disagree with you.”

“Andarna, we do not eat people just because they disagree with us.” Violet said out loud, trying to keep the amusement out of her voice. She heard Eya gasp and Xaden and Garrick trying to hide a snort.

“Let the humans finish their conversation.” Sgaeyl said and Andarna stopped her protests.

 

“Will she eat me?” Eya said as soon as Violet turned back to the group.

“She’s a teenager, she wants to eat everyone, but no Tairn won’t let her.”

“I vote we go.” Garrick says, bringing the conversation back on topic. “We have to risk it. They’ll kill the others if we don’t return, and we can’t cut off the flow of weapons from Basgiath.” He raises his hands, showing them the time to vote has come.

One by one, all of the cadets raise their hands except Xaden.

Brennan sees this as an opportunity to reveal his unwanted opinion one more time. “She won’t be able to keep Aetos out, and when that happens you lose your life.”

It surprises Violet that Brennan still doesn’t see her dagger coming his way. Unfortunately for her, Xaden does and catches it with his shadows.

“Can you stop that?” Brennan complains. Garrick takes a step closer to him, seemingly for protection, he doesn’t dare to look at Violet.

“I will gladly eat him, he’s annoying me.” Andarna happily says while Xaden’s shadows rest the dagger in her hand again.

“I am not going to dignify that with an answer, besides Andarna just offered to eat you and right now, if she wants to, I won’t stop her. At least it would make all the years I mourned for you worth it.” Brennan physically flinches this time.

“She already has the strongest shields of her year, it’s only a matter that she keeps them up all the time.” Xaden says as he ignores the siblings fighting. “I’ll train you.” He says to Violet through their bond.

He has a direct connection to her mind, if she’s successful in blocking him out, there’s a very high chance she can keep everyone else out of her mind. “Okay.”

“We leave tomorrow at midday, that way it leaves us with time to stop if something happens on our way to Basgiath.” Xaden declared to the others.

“Do you have a plan?” Bodhi asks, Xaden’s only answer is a grin.

– xx –

Violet is left alone to wander through Aretia after the group has gone through Xaden’s maniac plan multiple times. She would be constantly praying to Zihnal, the God of luck, for the plan to go accordingly, she was confident they would succeed, but still, there were too many variables.

When she got back to the fortress the first thing she did was head to the room she had woken up in. She moved her things out of Xaden’s bedroom and found herself one to sleep in that night. She was going to create clear boundaries, and if he wanted her forgiveness he would have to come look for her to ask for it. She wasn’t going to go after him just to hear an apology, a lot of people owned her one, and if any of them wanted to make amends they would come to Violet, Xaden was no exception.

In the distance, near a burned building of what seemed to have been once a school, she sees the man with the gray beard, Felix, she recalls. He’s part of the Assembly, and according to Bodhi, he is also an expert in signets. She makes her way towards him.

 

Without glancing at her or saying hello the man says. “Ms. Sorrengail, I’ve been waiting to see when we would get a chance to talk.”

Violet can’t guess why would Felix want to speak with her. Her instinct tells her she shouldn’t trust anyone in the Assembly, and even if Felix was the only one in that room besides Xaden who defended her, she still is distrustful. “You can call me Violet.”

“Then you will call me Felix.” Violet nodded, she was already planning on calling him that anyway. “What brings you to my presence?”

“Bodhi says you’re great at teaching, especially regarding signets.” Violet pauses, waiting for Felix to nod. “After the battle at Resson, I’ve realized I’m not prepared to deal with the enemy.” She’s sure she’ll see Venins and Wyverns in her nightmares for the rest of her life. She remembers how invincible and how much faster than her they were. She also remembers Andarna having to stop time just so she could aim her lightning towards one of them. “I’m not using my signet to its full capacity. I can’t aim, and if I had known how to do it, maybe the ten of us could’ve gotten out of there alive.” Violet still remembers the way Liam’s body gave up, the way her friend died in front of her and there was nothing she could have done to save him. She can’t help but think that if she had known how to aim, the wyvern would have never gotten close to Deigh in the first place.

She suspends that train of thought right away, now it's not the time to think about Liam. She doesn’t have the luxury to do so.

“Violet, facing Venin as a first year and coming out alive, is a great feat, don’t let the losses tell you otherwise.” He glances at her with a look akin to sympathy. However, I do understand your sentiment. What has Carr taught you about your signet?”

“When I have classes with him we mostly try to see how many strikes I can do without burning out.”

“That’s… a terrible way to teach your signet.” Felix sights, closing his eyes. “I never liked that man.” He murmurs, “From the reports of those who explained your signet to me, it appears it is not just lightning, it is pure energy. You wield energy, but your body has decided to shape it in the form of lightning. In theory, you could wield raw energy, but it would likely lead to too much collateral damage as it would be too raw to control.”

His explanation made her remember Jack Barlowe, someone she’d rather forget, but she will never be able to forget how he died. The lightning that landed on him, the power of destruction Violet had unleashed in her anger. That had been terrifying, and it had only been one lightning strike. Felix was saying her signet was much more powerful than only lightning. Suddenly she felt as she had that day in the War Games, as if she wanted to escape her body, her signet.

“That’s… terrifying” she whispered, her voice barely audible. Felix lifted an eyebrow at her, silently asking her to explain. “Having so much power in my hands.”

“You are powerful Violet, accept it because Navarre will try to take advantage of that, and if I may be honest, so will the revolution.” Felix focused his unwavering gaze on her and was the most honest person anyone had been since she had gotten here. “I don’t want to dismiss you, but remember that first and foremost, you are a weapon, a means to an end. As soon as you embrace that, the easier it’ll be to navigate the hardships you’ll encounter here. You are a Venin destroyer, which will always be the Assembly’s priority.”

“Even to General Aisereigh,” Violet whispers. She knew this to be truth after the fight they had, but to have it so plainly explained to her still hurt. If it came down to it, she knew Brennan would prioritize the safety of the rebellion over her own.

“Yes, even to your brother.” Felix agreed, his tone solemn. Violet almost flinched at the title, being reminded that she was Brennan’s sister was not welcoming at the moment. She was starting to warm up to Felix, and even if the truth hurt he didn’t coddle her with sweet honeyed lies.

 

The warning in his voice was clear: master your signet or we’re all doomed. She couldn’t allow more people to die just because her powers were unmanageable to her. With a newfound determination coursing through her veins, she decided she would listen to Felix’s instructions and become the best lightning wielder the continent had ever seen.

Their future might depend on it.

“Your signet will be harder to master than others because you are so powerful, but it’s not impossible. Usually, powerful riders tend to lose control easily.” He narrowed her eyes on her. “By the light show I heard earlier I can assume that’s your case.” Violet turned her head away, she lost control too easily, whether it was by anger or pleasure, she was a walking destruction machine. “There’s no need to be upset. Xaden did it all the time throughout his first year, but his signet was a bit less destructive than yours is.” He extends his hand with a small object in it. “I wanted to give it to you as soon as I saw you, but Suri made a scene. This is a conduit, it’ll help you control your power.” She grabbed the object. “Channel.” Felix commanded.

“Now? In the middle of the town?” Violet asked incredulously, he had just said she had no control, and with a signet as deadly as her she could very well destroy the city again.

“Do it.” Felix said with certainty, leaving no room for discussion.

She reached for the door that connected her to her signet, and as soon as she started channeling, the conduit lit up. Hundreds of tiny sparkles filled the orbit, it seemed as if it was glowing. It reminded her of the night sky in Chakir, among the mountains, there used to be a lot of shooting stars. She and Mira used to lie down on the grass, in the backyard of their house and count how many they were able to see each night. Seeing her power this way, in such a small space, made it seem more manageable and it made her less scared of it. “How does this work?”

“I would explain it to you, but you’re returning to Basgiath and your shields are not strong enough yet. This is knowledge we’d like to keep from Navarre’s hands.” Felix said without preamble. “Or at the very least, this is information we would prefer Navarre not to know that you possess.”

While it annoyed Violet that her shields were such a weakness and barred her from acquiring the information she wanted, she understood. Her need for knowledge could not overrule the safety of Aretia’s secrets.

When she didn’t answer, Felix continued. “This will help you to not lose control when you feel strong emotions, but it can also be used to wield your power. It can redirect your strikes and make aiming easier. Hopefully, with time and practice, you won’t need it anymore and will be able to wield perfectly without it.”

Being able to wield her signet easily was the exact reason why she had sought out Felix in the first place. “We leave tomorrow … Do you have time to show me how to use it before then?”

 

Felix smiles “Let’s head a bit further away from the city and I’ll teach you the basics, you can practice on your own while at Basgiath.” He starts walking towards a hill, isolated from the city and Violet follows. “If someone asks about the conduit you can say it was a present from Xaden, a remembrance of his culture if you will.” Violet furrowed her brow, although, at first glance that seemed a plausible lie, no one would believe Xaden would gift anyone anything. She would be better off if she just hid the conduit from the rest of the quadrant. Besides she wasn’t sure if she wanted people to associate her with Xaden, although with how much Basgiath liked to gossip it would be impossible to prevent it.

As they walked, Violet noticed small things about how life in Aretia was lived. The bakery which was still half burned, was full of people lining up to try what seemed like a cake the owner had made. Down the road, children were playing amongst the ruins, she could see parents hovering by, ready to step in if any debris collapsed. Further away from the city, meadows were growing again, the soil having recovered from the fire, and they could start planting anew. It filled Violet’s heart to see these signs of recovery, yet it also filled her with sorrow, knowing that her own mother had brought about the need for these people to rebuild their lives.

Finally, they reached the top of a cliff that separated them from the rest of the city.

“I’ve seen you wield, even if it wasn’t on purpose, and your strikes are strong. But for now, we’re trying to control your aim, try to hit that tree trunk.” He said, pointing at a piece of wood scattered about 50 meters away. It still looked burned. “Why don’t you show me how well you can aim by wielding from your hands?

Violet turned her gaze on him as if he was out of his mind. She had never heard she could wield from her hands. She could only wield from the skies.

Felix turned to her when she didn’t move. “Are you telling me you’ve only wielded from the sky? Without mastering smaller strikes?”

“Carr’s only concern was how big and how often.”

“May Dune help us.” Felix murmured. “It’s a wonder you didn’t burn out yet. Wielding such power uncontrolled could have killed you.” He took a deep sigh. “I didn’t know it was this bad.”

“Why would he do that? If I was to be Navarre’s greatest weapon?”

“Knowing Carr is because he’s terrified of you. You have the power to destroy whole kingdoms, and if I’ve gotten the right impression from you, you’re as stubborn as a dragon. You cannot be easily controlled and that scares him.”

Violet rose to the challenge in his eyes. “Doesn’t it scare you? The fact that I’m not easily controlled?” Even before he answered she knew the answer, she had seen it in the Assembly meeting.

Felix looked at her. “To me? I’m not the person you should be asking that question.”

“Who should I be asking it to?”

“To the heir apparent.” he said, surveying his gaze towards her body. “And to yourself.”

It took her some time to figure out who he was referring to. “Do you mean Xaden?”

“Yes, I do.”

Another secret then, he was the heir apparent and she had no clue what that meant. Did he have a throne? But Tyrrendor was still unified with Navarre, even after the secession. “My agency doesn’t scare him.”

“No, it doesn’t. But it scares the Assembly.”

“Why? because I’m dangerous?” They probably think of her as volatile as well, she didn't dare to voice that thought out loud, not yet.

“Oh yes, Violet you are dangerous but not for the reasons you’re thinking of. I won’t answer why the Assembly is so frightened of you today, so if we could get back to signet business, that would be appreciated.”

Violet huffed, deciding not to press for me, it would lead nowhere and she really needed to learn. “How do I wield from my hands?”

“The power flows through you, it's why you can wield with a clear blue sky, you could wield from the earth if you wanted to as well because you are the power.”

Violet was confused, “Any other signet needs the existing elements to be there already, water wielders need water or ice, fire wielders are the same, even Xaden can only move shadows that are already there.”

“No two signets are the same. Those you mentioned are elemental, they wield what’s already there, which is why Xaden is more powerful at night. But with your signet, you can create. It’s why you can lose control so easily, because it comes from you, not from the environment around you.” Felix calmly explained. “Now, summon your power, but don’t let all of it come out, only a fraction of it, and try to aim towards the tree.”

Violet focused on the door that opened up to Tairn’s power and tried to only open a fraction of it. It demanded more focus than she cared to admit, beads of sweat forming on her forehead in testament to the effort. Despite her best efforts, she struggled to contain it, she couldn’t close it less than half, and she decided that it had to be enough. With determination, she directed the energy toward her target. However, the resulting strike proved too potent, leaving her hands tingling as if it burned. Besides landing 10 meters away from the original target.

“That was disappointing.” Felix flatly said.

Violet narrowed her eyes towards him.

“Garrick told me you were able to strike one venin in Resson, how did you do it?”

She didn’t want to tell him about Andarna’s ability to stop time, even if she didn’t have that ability anymore. So she told him a half-truth. “I was so engrossed and so scared, that time seemed to slow down, my only focus was to hit the Venin, so I put my whole energy into it. I had so much power in me, it felt as if it took a long time to reunite a full strike, and even longer to aim, that amount of concentration almost led me to burn out. It felt like trapping my power, but most of the time, because it is so much, it runs away from me, releasing before I’m done aiming.”

Felix’s face lit up as if Violet had given him the answer he needed. “Why is why, you shouldn’t summon your whole power and only small strikes.”

“I could only close half of it this time.” Violet explained.

“It’ll get better as long as you practice. Try to put your energy, or lightning, whatever term you’re most comfortable with, into the conduit first, and then, when you feel able to strike release the power. That way, the energy you’re summoning has a destination and won’t overwhelm you from within.”

 

Violet followed Felix's guidance, but she didn't hit the tree. Encouraged by Felix, she persisted, and with each attempt, her aim improved. By the end of the hour, she had managed to hit the target three times.

“Better than when we started, but still not good enough.” Maybe Violet didn’t enjoy Felix’s honesty any longer. “Keep practicing while you’re in Basgiath. Dune knows Carr won’t teach you anything. The conduit has a limit, and needs to change … something.” That didn’t make much sense, but she guessed it had to do with things she couldn’t know yet, and she was too tired to fight for the knowledge. This lesson had exhausted her. “Xaden knows what to do and I’m sure you’ll be seeing each other due to your dragons, but if Navarre barrs you from seeing each other, Bodhi also knows what to do.”

Violet only nodded, too hung up on the fact that Navarre could restrict her access to Xaden. Even if she was still angry at him, she didn’t want to stop seeing him. He had told her he’d spend every single day of his life earning back her trust. She’d like to see him try, but he couldn’t do it if they didn’t see each other.

She saw Felix backing away. “Thank you for teaching me.”

“I didn’t do it for you or because I’m kind-hearted. I did it because I trust Xaden.” He let the words hang between them. His face was the most serious she had seen all afternoon. “Don’t betray us Sorrengail, no one vouched for you in that room before you woke up, only Xaden. It was a great risk bringing you here, showing you Aretia and your brother, without knowing where your loyalties lay, you could get us all killed, but he didn’t doubt you. He took responsibility for you, make sure you don’t let him down.”

She remained silent. He didn’t want her words, he would only be convinced by her actions, and she didn’t have any to give yet.

No matter what Xaden ever did to her, she would never betray him, not only because his death would lead to hers, but because she knew that he was doing the right thing, she knew she would rather die herself than make Xaden suffer, because despite everything she still loved him. Felix and the Assembly didn’t know that though, she’d have to prove herself to them. She’d spent her whole life trying to prove herself to so many people, what were six more?

 

After dinner, where they spent most of the time going over the plan again, Violet retreated upstairs to her new designated bedroom. Xaden hadn’t tried to approach her to talk to her, but she had caught him stealing glances at her the whole night.

She didn’t know what to make of his attitude, for someone who had basically declared himself to her this morning, he was terrible at showing it. Violet was convinced it had only been a plan to get her to forgive him easily and get her in his bed again. She was glad she had stood strong and denied him. She would not be the one fighting for the relationship to happen, she was tired, it felt as if it was all she had done last year, always fighting for a fragment of Xaden’s attention. That wouldn’t be the case anymore, if he wanted anything with her, he would have to fight for it.

Violet entered her room, feeling the pull of wards as she passed through. She almost scoffed at the sensation. It was so Xaden to ward her door without telling her, she didn’t know if the thought made her smile or scream.

 

When her bedroom door closed, she could finally breathe. This day had felt infinite, a never-ending turbulence of emotions. From betrayal to confusion to surprise she felt as if she had lived a hundred lives since waking up this morning. If she dwelled on it she would certainly break. It was a lot, and she wasn’t sure if she had the strength to deal with that.

“You must rest Silver One.” Tairn’s voice enveloped her mind as a warm blanket. “Tomorrow is going to be a long flight.”

“How’s Andarna?” She didn’t want to think about the flight, she already knew her body would be protesting, especially after being mended so recently. Her muscles would be fatigued and the change of temperature would take a tool. Even in summer, the sky was always cold.

"She’s asleep. Sgaeyl is with her.” She felt relieved knowing Andarna was being cared for. She understood the necessity of keeping Command unaware of the dreamless sleep. Only the dragons were privy to that knowledge, but as Violet had bonded with a feathertail, she had to be kept informed. This is why it was so important their plan went accordingly when they returned to Basgiath.

Dragging herself to the bathroom, she prepared for a shower. Taking a slow deep breath, she allowed her brain to slow down, the last time she had done that was in Xaden’s bedroom at Basgiath. Now, waiting for the water to warm, in Aretia, no less, that memory felt like a lifetime ago, as if it didn’t even belong to her. Although it had only happened five days ago.

Under the water, hiding from priving eyes, she finally gave herself the luxury of feeling. Dark wielders from the folklore her father used to read her were real, she had fought them at Resson and almost died in the process. Dain, her childhood friend, had read her memories without her consent, and by going to his father had gotten nearly all of them killed. Aretia was real, not under ashes, but in reconstruction.

Xaden had deceived her, he led a rebellion, and not only that but she was pretty sure everything he ever told her had been a lie. She had been so naive by trusting him with herself. Was chocolate cake even his favorite food? She couldn’t be sure, it could all have all been a ploy to make her fall in love with him just so he could use her as a weapon. She can’t help but think of that night in the parapet, his hopeful expression, or so she had thought, had that been a performance too?

And her brother, who was very much not dead. He had been alive all these years, leaving Mira and herself to mourn him while he had always been outside the wards. He had left them without a second thought for their suffering and still had the audacity of being upset by her throwing daggers at him. He hadn’t talked to her the whole night, as if it wasn’t his fault they were in this situation in the first place.

Everyone here was a traitor in Navarre’s eyes, and now so was she. She knew information that could get her killed.

The biggest hurt however was not having Liam beside her. Her friend, her shadow as she used to call him, was gone, he had died protecting her. She could still see his beautiful blue eyes in pain, losing their shine, she remembered his legs wavering, him getting weaker with each second it passed. The desperation in his voice as he begged her to take care of Sloane, his sister. A sister who probably would hate her, not only because she was the general’s daughter, but because she directly contributed to her brother’s death.

Deigh’s screams fill her mind, the image of Liam dying ingrained in her brain, Xaden’s pain through the bond, her own grief and uselessness.

It is here under the spray of water, finally alone, that she surrenders herself, all the grief, all the pain, consuming her. She lets herself feel the weight she’s about to carry for the next few months. The first sob comes through, unexpectedly, and then she allows herself to succumb to the flood of emotions and begins to cry.

Notes:

soooo … tell me your thoughts !! violet is going through it guys and i am so sorry but i only plan to keep making her even more miserable.

i’m gonna try to post at least a chapter a week BUT i haven’t finished editing next chapter so we’ll see how that prediction goes … thank you so much for reading lovelies <3

Chapter 3

Notes:

Three things before we begin:

1) when I said I would try to update this weekly I lied I'm not gonna be able to do that besties. I forgot that sometimes I do need to work at my job and not just write endlessly.

2) I didn't say last chapter but I changed the timeline a bit here. Papa Sorrengail died a year after Brennan, for plot purposes. Also Violet being an orphan at the ripe age of 15 seems a very nice trauma to add.

3) If u, while reading this chapter, think "Xaden is contradicting himself with what he said seven paragraphs ago" that's because he is in fact an idiot.

Enjoy !!

The wingleaders have priority when choosing the outposts they’ll be stationed at after graduation, that is, unless you have a rebellion relic on your arm.

– Major Afendra’s Guide To The Riders Quadrant (Censored Edition)

They had been flying for 10 hours when Xaden ordered the riot to stop and rest.

He could feel everyone on edge, wondering if the plan would succeed, if they would even reach Basgiath in time. So much of his plan hinged on the fact that General Sorrengail would believe her daughter, but he knew better than anyone that she would, even better than Violet herself. She valued her daughter’s life too much to let her die for this, even if it meant keeping all of them with a rebellion relic alive.

His plan was for the stop to last one to two hours and then they would fly for another eight, that way they would reach their destination right before formation, which tomorrow, would be followed by graduation.

For as long as he could remember, Xaden longed to leave Basgiath behind, he couldn’t stand being in the college, the unnecessary deaths, the lies, and the wary looks he received. He was tired of it all. On top of all of that, he could feel in his bones the end approaching, the dark wielders coming closer, and Navarre doing its best to ignore it. With the day of his graduation so close, he thought he would be more excited, but looking at Violet at the other end of the camp they’d set, the thought of leaving wasn’t so appealing anymore.

Truth be told, he had only ordered them to stop because he had seen how much pain she was in, flying for so many hours was difficult on any of them, but especially on her. She needed to stretch her legs and warm up, but his strong, brave girl would never ask for it.

She looked beautiful, with the moonlight shining on her, parts of her hair unraveled from her braid and armed with the daggers he had especially made for her. She looked like a goddess, Amari reincarnated herself. He knew she was aware of him staring, not only because she seemed to always be in tune with him, just as much as he was with her, but because although she seemed relaxed, Xaden noticed the tension on her shoulders, on her expression. She was carefully aware of everything happening around her as if waiting for an attack.

Looking at her like this, in the middle of his people when every instinct in her was telling her to run, he knew he didn’t deserve her, and she surely didn’t deserve all the pain he had caused her, especially because he knew he would inevitably cause it again. Everything he touched turned to ashes, but his relationship with Violet might be his biggest regret yet. Xaden had ruined the only good thing in his life, had pushed away the only person besides Sgaeyl who would have loved him unabashedly.

It hurt when he entered his room yesterday and saw her things gone. He knew he deserved her apathy, he hadn’t treated her with the respect and reverence she deserved, but knowing this and actually feeling the consequences of his actions were two different things.

All he wanted to do since she had woken up was to embrace her in his arms, convincing himself she was alive. She was close, across the camp, and yet she felt so far away from him, he feared he wouldn’t be able to reach her ever again.

He had warded her bedroom the day before, where she would sleep. He hated the thought of her having a room of her own in Aretia, of them not sharing one. But he wanted to respect her, she felt betrayed by him, and warding her door seemed like the right step, instead of begging her to return to him. That would only have irked her ire.

Ensuring her protection was the least he could’ve done. He would not force those three words out of her mouth without her free will. He loved her too much to do that, even if every inner part of him longed to hear those words back no matter the cost.

In the meantime, he would surrender himself to making acts of service for her, only for her. Even if that included warding a room he didn’t want her to sleep in, away from him.

He meant what he had said to her the previous morning, he would spend every day of his life trying to get her trust back. He wanted those eyes filled with love fixed on him again, her sweet words enveloping him in safety, but more than that he wanted to say them back this time. He wouldn’t give her any room to doubt his love for her. But he knew he had to learn to trust her first, not that he didn’t, but it was easier said than done. He was so used to his habits, let them all fade to the background, not to open old wounds and tell her things she had every right to know.

He was ready to fight for her and tell her what she wanted to know, these past few days without her had been agony. Yesterday when she had answered him through the mental bond he almost jumped in delight. During three days it had felt too quiet, he missed her sparkling presence in his mind. If she wanted information he would tell her, he had promised himself, about him at least, not everything, but most things, she had to only ask.

The revolution’s secrets would remain with him. He would not put her in danger again and if she learned too much about the revolution he feared people would find a way to use it against her. The torture portion in Basgiath was coming up and he didn’t want to give them more reasons than they already had to hurt her further. And even if Navarre didn’t do that he was sure the Assembly would try, they had already tried to use her as leverage to get him to agree to some conditions they wanted. He had made sure that they all knew she was his to care and protect, and it had been the easiest pain he had surrendered himself to, for it had been all for Violet. The scar on his skin still tingled, even after the care Brennan had provided. He was glad it still hurt, an everlasting reminder of his unwavering loyalty to her.

She was too important for him to allow her to be a pawn for political purposes.

The worst part was that if anyone decided to use her pain against him, it would work. He had lost all sense of thought when she had been hurt, poisoned, and dying in his arms. He had put everything he had worked for in the past years in jeopardy because he couldn’t stand to see her injured. Couldn’t imagine a world where she wasn’t by his side, even if she was angry at him.

He would endure the eternal flames of Malek if it meant she would be safe and alive.

The Assembly had called him out on his misjudgment, even Brennan had argued against bringing Violet to Aretia. Suri and Ulices had wanted to lock her, that’s when he had stepped in and taken the price on his skin.

She would never take punishments directed at him, he wouldn’t allow it.

Garrick came into view and sat beside him. Taking him out of his inner thoughts. “Weird friendship those two have” he pointed his head towards Violet and Imogen.

They had been talking to each other since they had landed, Imogen gluing herself to Violet’s side as soon as they dismounted.

Xaden agreed but didn’t know why Garrick cared, or even why he was starting the conversation that way. He knew Garrick wanted to speak about the plan, even without delving into his mind, so he might as well dive into it instead of engaging in small talk. Still, he humored Garrick. “You think it’s because Violet doesn’t know anyone else here?”

“Imogen is not that nice to think about that. I think she truly likes Violet, I don’t know what she’s done, but she’s won Imogen over.” Garrick observed, his gaze fixed on them as if they were a puzzle to be solved. If only he could solve the sexual tension between him and Imogen, it could save Xaden a lot of headaches.

He waited for Garrick to continue, he was sure he wasn’t going to linger on the topic of Violet’s and Imogen’s friendship. “Do you think she’ll ever forgive Brennan? Or you for that matter.”

He’d rather talk about Violet’s and Imogen’s friendship after all. Garrick had a peculiar way to ask how he was holding up when it came to Violet, he wasn’t sure he knew the answer himself. “Why do you care?” Still, Xaden continued. “She didn’t throw daggers at me so I’m optimistic about my situation. Brennan? Not so much.”

Xaden knew the siblings had not solved their issues during their time in Aretia, he tried not to intervene, he couldn’t begin to understand the bond between them. However, it left him worried that the last words they had exchanged were in anger, he knew too well what it felt like to regret the last words you’d spoken with someone who was in constant danger. He hoped Brennan would survive long enough for him and Violet to reconcile, not for his sake, Xaden couldn’t care less about Brennan’s feelings, but he thought that Violet would want to have a relationship with her brother again.

Garrick continued his line of thought. “Didn’t know she was capable of so much … wrath. I swear she rivaled Imogen.”

“There’s your explanation for the friendship.” He quipped. Violet could become even more violent than Imogen when she wanted. He knew that from experience, Garrick being surprised just showed Xaden he was one of the few people that truly knew Violet. And yet, he had messed it up. For Garrick’s sake, he added. “She threw daggers at my head the first time we talked after the parapet.”

“When?”

Xaden just shrugged, he couldn't tell Garrick when without explaining why he had let her live, even with the excuse of the deal he had made with the General. Violet could have sold them all out that night, and the only way Xaden knew she wouldn’t do it was because he had used his inntinnsic abilities on her. A secret he would take to his grave.

Bodhi approached, saving Xaden from explaining. “What are we talking about?”

“How the hell those two became friends.” Garrick said, still avoiding the topic he wanted to discuss.

“I don’t know why you’re so invested.” Xaden said, wishing Garrick would just speak plainly.

Bodhi observed them. “Should I be worried or it is just the love talking?”

“I’m not in love” Garrick denied, he didn’t know if Garrick truly believed that or if he was simply trying to deny it.

Xaden remained quiet, they all knew he loved Violet, and they all knew he had ruined it.

“Whatever,” Bodhi said. “Those two are menaces, last time I was there they were talking about the best way to bury a body.”

Both Xaden and Garrick looked at him surprised. “You’re so screwed,” Garrick told Xaden as if he didn’t know that already.

“You both annoy me, if this is how my closest friends treat me I don’t need enemies.” Xaden grumbled, throwing his head back and gazing toward the sky. He heard both of them scoff.

“You think the plan is going to work?” Bodhi asked, changing the subject to more sobering topics. Having the courage Garrick lacked.

“It has to, or we’re dead,” Xaden responded grimly.

“Aetos won’t believe us. He was the one who sent us there.” Garrick added, finally giving voice to his concerns.

“Good thing it’s not him we have to convince then,” Xaden remarked.

“And you think the General will fold,” Bodhi said doubtfully. They all knew how cunning and cruel she could be. The fact that the plan hinged on the love she had for her daughter hadn’t convinced most of them that it would work.

“Why wouldn’t she?” Xaden’s tone was laced with sarcasm.

Both of them remained quiet, he knew why. They thought that, deep down, there still might be a chance of Violet betraying them, he didn’t need his second signet to know that. He had read them once, right after Violet had been mended, and never dared to again, at least when the conversation concerned her. He didn’t know if he could control himself by not punching his best friends. Then again, he also needed to learn to trust her, so maybe his friends' doubts only served to criticize his own.

They wanted to believe Violet was on their side, especially Bodhi, but trust around here was scarce, and hope was a fickle thing, one they couldn’t put their faith in. Luckily for them, Xaden knew Violet would never betray them, even if she currently hated him.

“If you don’t trust her why did you drag her to listen to the Assembly meeting yesterday morning?” He quietly asked Bodhi. Her watching that meeting had only cemented her trust issues against him and had left her more hurt than she would ever admit. Xaden didn’t doubt that what she had heard would lead her to want to prove herself, which would put her in more danger than necessary, he cursed the members of his Assembly yet again. Especially Suri who can’t keep her mouth shut and is as unpleasant as a person can get. The only reason she is in the Assembly is due to her connections in Luceras, and yet she wants to act as if she runs the show and is the morally superior in the room.

“I never said I don’t trust her.” Both of them knew he didn’t need to say anything for Xaden to know what he was thinking, they knew each other too well, and it had nothing to do with his second signet. “I wanted to see how she would react, and besides it involved her too. She did save our asses back at Resson.” He then glanced at Garrick and smirked, and Xaden knew the mood was about to become less somber. “Imogen was with her.”

“So damn weird,” Garrick whispered, looking towards the girls again.

The only answer Xaden could offer was to roll his eyes.

– xx –

They landed in Basgiath with one hour till graduation, even earlier than he had assumed they could have made it. By his calculations they were supposed to arrive with maybe fifteen minutes to spare, it would have been tight but they would make due. However, all of his worries were for naught.

The dragons flew fast, Sgaeyl and Tairn didn’t bother slowing down for the other dragons to keep up, resulting in a pace faster than some of them could muster. Their main concern had been protecting Andarna, not making sure any of the others followed.

As it was, Violet and Xaden were the first to land. They dismounted quickly, and Sgaeyl and Tairn took Andarna to the Vale as soon as they hit solid ground.

Xaden saw the dragons disappear into the night, two black shadows and a mesmerizing blue, each of them more ruthless than the other.

He remembered when he came into the quadrant he found himself enchanted by the dragons, until then they had all been mystical creatures to him, never having seen one close enough to suppress the fear for them. After bonding with Sgaeyl, the magic of the dragons was no longer a surprise. It had been easy to grow comfortable around them, to consider them as an extension of himself, instead of the magnificent beasts they were.

Now, seeing them in the distance, flying to protect their own, he was once again mesmerized. Their power and elegance, their imposing sizes, left him in awe.

It had been easy to consider Andarna as a little child, a dragon too sweet to do any harm. Now she blended in the night, alongside Tairn, one of the most ruthless dragons known. He felt fear now, not of the dragons themselves, but of what they could achieve. Navarre worshipped Gods when in reality, they should have been worshipping the dragons. The only ones capable of ending wars should be their true deities.

He was lost in thought when Violet approached him, her gaze still fixed on Andarna in the distance. He wondered if she had ever feared dragons, he remembered her not cowering under the weight of Sgaeyl’s gaze on Conscription day, almost a year ago. Her fearless attitude that day did not surprise him, she had been born to be a rider after all. “Does the rebellion have any scribes that we can trust?” She asked quietly, so as not to disturb the quiet of the night.

It surprised him that she was speaking to him, given her outburst towards Brennan he had expected the same behavior towards him, but he answered her instead of questioning his luck. “No, it doesn’t. I know you trust them–”

“Whatever you’re going to say, don’t.” She put up a hand to stop him from talking. “I just wanted to know.” She sighed as if she was carrying the whole world on her shoulders, and perhaps she was. He wished he could relieve her of some of that weight, of the grief he saw in her eyes and that very likely mirrored his own. She wouldn’t let him comfort her, however, not before he regained her trust. “Besides I still can’t block Dain out.” She bitterly added.

“I can just throw him off the parapet if you prefer.” He tried to joke, see if he could bring a sweet smile to her face. He was unsuccessful.

He had thought about getting rid of Aetos last year more times than he was willing to admit. The bitter truth was that he was still a possessive and jealous asshole, and leaving her here at Aetos' mercy left him fidgeting, thirsting for blood; Aetos’ blood to be specific. Especially when he got too close to his Violence, although she wasn’t his at the time, and she certainly wasn’t his now. The thought soured his mood, the truth was that he knew what he needed to do to get her back, and yet he didn’t know if he was ready to face it.

“I don’t think killing the son of the Colonel would do us any favors when we need my mother trusting our story.” Violet dryly noted, crossing her arms.

“Don’t you trust me, Violence?” He asked teasingly, as soon as the words were out of his mouth he regretted them. Could he be more stupid? The lack of control he had around her had him feeling distraught, he felt that the harder he tried the deeper he carved his own doom.

She narrowed her eyes toward him, a look of disbelief marrying her face, “I’m honestly not sure if you’re obtuse, stupidly over-confident, or just trying to get me to throw a dagger at you.” Knowing him, possibly all three together, he was on his knees when it came to her.

In an attempt to save him from his embarrassment, he was about to ask her why she had wanted to know about the scribes when the others landed, cutting his conversation with Violet short.

He could have read her mind to find out why she wanted to know that information. Knowing Violet as well as he did, he knew that for her to have asked that question it was because she had a plan in mind. The last thing he wanted was for her to get herself into trouble with her crazy ideas, he would do anything to prevent it, even if it meant breaching her mind, but he had promised never to do it again. Especially when Aetos had done the same to her, and he refused to exude that same behavior, he had to prove to himself that he was better than him, at least when it came to her.

He cursed the other riders’s inconvenient timing, and when he looked at Violet again, she had slipped a perfect mask of indifference, blocking everyone out. What he had come to understand in the last couple of days was that Violet was able to omit her emotions, she just had never bothered to do it with him. She had trusted him with her anxieties and triumphs: the night before the gauntlet, her falling asleep in his arms, the smile marrying her face as she learned to shield, her risking herself on that night on the parapet. And he had basked in each of them, only in silence. Such was the depth of the cave he kept her treasured offerings in, that she thought he hadn’t guarded them at all. He missed the Violet who trusted him, and not for the first time he wished he had done things differently.

Why bother with the safety of the revolution if it cost him her? None of his precautions had been worth it.

“Maybe she’d be more willing to forgive you if you told her that.” Sgaeyl's unforgiving voice echoed through the bond.

“She wouldn’t believe me.” He responded sourly.

“How do you know? Even if you read her mind, which I know you didn’t, she still deserves a chance to speak for herself.” Sgaeyl huffed.

“Since when are you on her side?” He snapped at his dragon, knowing he was behaving like a child, but it was enough that he was condemning himself in his own mind. He didn’t need Sgaeyl’s judgment to add to his torment.

“Since you became a coward.” Sgaeyl accused, retreating from his mind, impeding him from forming any answer.

He did his best to ignore his dragon’s accusation, and focused on the riders standing in front of him, waiting for orders. He slipped in his mask of leader, locking his feelings deep inside himself, he couldn’t afford to be hurt or distracted by them. They were at Basgiath now, not home, and they had a plan to set on the move.

He sent Eya, Madden, and Cieran to the building where the classrooms were lectured, they had to make sure no one in the quadrant, especially teachers, were awake yet. They were supposed to deal with any threats accordingly, to ensure no one saw them before they headed to formation. They were just fancy words to say they were meant to kill or knock out anyone in their path.

Garrick, Bodhi, and Imogen were supposed to check on the few weapons they had left behind in Bodhi’s bedroom, to make sure they were still there. It wouldn’t be beneficial to any of them if they headed to formation and were killed on the spot for having contraband hidden in their quarters.

He and Violet had to get to Liam’s room. It was the simplest, yet most hurtful task he would do today. Liam had written letters for Sloane while in Basgiath, and a wave of guilt washed through Xaden. Due to his choices at Resson, and his choices during the formations of the squads for the war games, Liam wasn’t here to deliver the letters to his own sister.

He remembered Sloane, small and always clinging to her brother’s side, but so ferocious. Her tongue spared no one, and she had wanted to punch each and every one within her vicinity when she was younger, even in her little awkward form. Despite all of that she had always been nice enough to him, probably because of his love for Liam. He couldn’t help but think that the warmth Sloane once held for him died alongside Liam. She would blame him for her brother’s death and he wouldn’t even be able to deny it, for it was the truth.

He stopped the line of thought immediately, focusing on the task in front of him. He didn’t have the luxury to grieve, he was supposed to be leading a revolution and he couldn’t do that if he spent any time thinking about those who had left them to welcome Malek.

As the five of them were crossing the bridge to head to the dorms, they came to a stop, quickly hiding in one of the arches the structure provided.

There was a woman in the distance, at the entrance of the rotunda. Xaden couldn’t recognize her, but she was dressed in fine clothes and jewels adorned her neck, too expensive to be from here. She had two men with her, armed to the teeth, however, none of them were wearing riders black, instead opting for a dark blue vest. He knew none of the quadrants used that color scheme, he was having a hard time placing these people.

These observations told him it could only be someone with a significant amount of power in Navarre. It didn’t look like Command, she was too young for that, and he was sure he knew them all by now. His instinct told him they had to tread carefully, if she was anyone with power in Navarre then she was automatically a danger to all of them.

He had no idea who it could’ve been, so early in the morning and that left him uneasy.

He was about to unleash his second signet to find out more when Violet sucked a breath beside him. He studied her expression, surprised, calculative, but also her eyes tingled with recognition. Xaden realized that Violet knew the woman.

“What is it?” Xaden asked, keeping his tone low.

“It’s the princess, King Tauri’s niece.” That surprised him, it was unheard of the princess visiting Basgiath. Having her here meant that either she had been sent by the Royal Family or was here due to some personal scheme, he didn’t like either option. He couldn’t help but wonder how the hell Violet knew her and why did she look so on edge. He could almost see the gears working in her mind, and he knew he wouldn’t like whatever plan she was half-cooking. “Hide yourself in the shadows and wait here.”

“Violence?” He would do no such thing, he turned to grab her arm, but she fixed him with a determined look that made him stop in his tracks.

“I know how to deal with her. I’ve known her for a long time, but you’re hot-headed and this won’t end well for either of us if you act on impulse. Let me handle this, if she sees you this plan goes south. Trust me for once.” It was his turn to suck a breath, her jab hurt more than he was willing to admit. She didn’t wait for him to agree. Violet took a deep breath, straightened her shoulders, plastered a forced smile, and made her way to the woman.

Xaden unwillingly hid the rest of them in the shadows, seeing as he had no choice but abide to by Violet’s command.

The men guarding the woman saw Violet approaching but didn’t draw any of their weapons, they merely warned the princess of her presence. When she turned to Violet her eyes widened and a big smile appeared on her face. Xaden unleashed his second signet without a second thought. The princess felt relief, but deep down, he could sense fear at seeing his girl. “Violet!” She turned to hug Violet who, in turn, hugged her back. “It’s so good to see you, you look so good.”

“I’ve always looked good, Alys.” An understatement if he ever heard one, especially when she looked like the goddess of death herself. “What are you doing here?” Violet’s expression was unfamiliar to him, she had a smile plastered on her face, it even reached her eyes, but there was no warmth in her gaze. Her eyes surveyed the princess's face as if she were accessing every minor aspect of the person in front of her. It reminded him too much of her mother. He never wanted that look directed at him.

“I’m here for the graduation, my father couldn’t come and my uncle is busy.” With his second signet, Xaden could see the princess was lying. She was here to ask for a favor, she had been the one that asked to come, her father and uncle hadn’t sent her.

“And they allowed you to come, finally?” He was trying his best not to read Violet, his self-control stretching to its limits, but he was able to catch a sense of doubt, an intention to interrogate the princess. Violet was smart, she could see through the lies, he hoped so at least. He wouldn’t dare to speak with her through the bond and catch her off guard in front of the princess, not while there was so much at stake and she was still at odds with him.

“You haven’t heard?” The princess tilted her head towards Violet, studying her. “I’m getting married! I can officially be sent to represent the Royal Family in events now.” He didn’t know why her being married mattered, but it was probably due to the inner politics of Navarre’s Royal Family. After all, he knew women were not underappreciated in Navarre, General Sorrengail was a clear example of that. The princess frowned at Violet, confusion clear on her face, “I told Dain, I wrote him a letter.” She spoke as if she was expecting Dain Aetos to have any decency to tell Violet anything.

Xaden’s uneasiness didn’t improve when he realized the princess also knew Dain Aetos, the bane of his existence. His mere existence was enough to lead Xaden to anger, his mere breath taunted him. There were times he had thought he had Cat’s gift, his signet was rare enough to assume they didn’t know everything he could do. However, that wouldn’t have been possible, only fliers could manipulate minds and enhance emotions with such subtlety. His remembrance of Cat made Xaden even more angry and uncomfortable, he hoped to never see the bitch again.

“It must’ve slipped his mind to tell me.” Violet’s expression didn’t even flinch or fall at the mention of Aetos. She gave the princess what could’ve been interpreted as a warm smile, but he knew her better than that. It didn’t reach her eyes and her shoulders were locked tight with tension. “Congratulations!”

“Thank you.” He saw that the princess intended to make idle small talk just so her guards could back away. Xaden’s alarms made themselves known, alerting him of danger, nothing good could come out of the princess wanting to have a private conversation. His uneasiness almost made him show himself and end the whole conversation, but Violet had asked for trust so he would wait, he was exerting an insane amount of self-control to keep himself rooted him place. “I'm marrying the hot Duke I told you about before you left for the quadrant.”

Violet tilted her head, and furrowed her eyebrows, “Which one?” This question made the princess laugh. “Don’t laugh you had a lot of Duke’s asking for your hand at the time.” Violet huffed with a hint of humor in her voice.

“The one we met at that bar after you had that huge fight with Aidan.” The answer the princess gave made Xaden take a deep breath, feeling his jealousy rise. He knew this had to have been years ago, didn’t even know if Aidan was a friend or an ex, still he couldn’t push aside how he felt. His shadows wavered and he quickly regained control, he hoped none of his friends had noticed his slip of control.

Unfortunately, that could not be the case for his dragon.

“Pathetic, you are a rider and are feeling jealousy over an insignificant human who isn’t even bonded?” Sgaeyl snickered in his mind.

“Shut up.” He slammed his shields up, still feeling her lingering amusement.

“Oh?” Violet seemed genuinely surprised “That was years ago, and I thought you didn’t like him?”

“He’s nice to me, I was wrong.” the princess had a wistful look in her eyes. “He respects me.”

“I’m glad Alys.” Violet smiled at the princess, the first honest smile she had given since the conversation started. “At least one of us is lucky.” Xaden felt like Violet had punched him in the gut. Wasn’t his torment enough that he had to be hidden in the shadows, now he had to listen to Violet brag about how awful he had behaved.

The princess was quick to respond. “I take it it didn’t work out with Dain?” He couldn’t understand what was going on in the princess’ brain. She was picturing a game, but the image wasn’t clear enough for him to understand what it meant.

“It could never work.” That answer from Violet left him speechless, he thought she had been talking about him. He was suffering trying to win her back and here she was talking about a relationship with Aetos of all people. For moments he was angry at her, which made him break his promise and look further into her mind.

Violet’s intentions were crystal clear, he didn’t know if it was because he knew her so well or because her brain was so organized with information she knew that it was easy to pick apart anything he wanted. He found out she was talking about him, but leading the princess to believe she was talking about Aetos. He felt instant regret that he had breached the privacy of her mind, it was unfair to ask her to trust him and then read her mind without her even knowing he was capable of such a thing.

This was a clear game for both of them, they had played it before, a game of who could tell the most lies without the other noticing. That had been the image he wasn’t able to understand in the princess’s mind, but with Violet’s, it was so much clearer. Realization dawned on him, this Violet was the General’s daughter and she could play the Royals like a bloody instrument. They were all her pawns and she was the maestro of the orchestra. She had grown in this world of political mess, leading someone through a path while pulling the strings in a completely different direction.

He understood now the words General Sorrengail had uttered to him the day he took the deal to protect Violet. “My daughter is the one out of all my children with the most potential to thrive after Basgiath, protect her now just so she can flourish later and consider your debt paid.” He had thought the General was blinding herself with a naive faith in her daughter. He had thought that if she was as fragile as everyone said she was there was no way she could’ve been the most successful Sorrengail outside of the war college. Looking at Violet now he saw exactly what the General had meant. Violet was meant for politics, to deceive any enemies with pretty words and warm smiles and stab them while they were completely enamored by her.

He was amazed once again about how astounding Violet was, how incredible. She certainly was much more than he deserved.

Alys smiled at Violet, her bodyguards stepped further away, doing exactly what the princess had intended, probably to leave them to their mundane topics. Women gossiping hardly presented as a threat, Xaden probed further into their minds, they didn’t see Violet as a danger to be taken care of, they were certain she wouldn’t hurt the princess. Their mistake was to assume that the only way a predator could hurt was through a knife and now with calculated words.

“I’m so happy you are alive, I saw the death scrolls that are supposed to be read this morning” she paused. “I am glad they are wrong. I wonder where’s the rest of your riot?” If subtlety was what the princess was going for she had failed.

“They must be resting I think, we parted ways after we landed. I’m sure you’ll see all of them in formation this morning.” Violet simply lied, implying that they were alone in the courtyard.

The princess stole a furtive glance at Violet then at her guards, when they stepped away far enough her voice changed completely, along with her posture. Gone was the heartwarming loving princess, the expression she carried was of distress and bitterness. “Colonel Aetos will want you dead for Athebyne.” Xaden’s blood went cold, he heard Garrick suck in a breath.

“For what exactly Alys? Surviving?” Violet answered without missing a beat. Her voice and demeanor also changed, something more relaxed, but no less cold, as if this was standard behavior for the two of them.

Alys smiled. “More like for being the reason Riorson is alive.” He heard Garrick release a breath beside him, but Xaden wasn’t so convinced she was telling the truth. The picture in his mind he was getting from her was fuzzy, as his anxiety made him lose control over his less trained signet. It had been a long time since he had used it for such a long time, and it was starting to cause him a headache. “Melgren is pissed, so is your mother.”

“Why?” Violet questioned, her voice suspicious.

“He didn’t know Aetos would allow more than three marked ones to be paired up together. Your group wasn’t the only one that took more than it was strictly permitted.” Xaden wondered how she knew so much, she might be here to assist in the graduation ceremony, but she wouldn’t be allowed access to such intel. “He wasn’t able to foresee half of the war games.”

“It’s not their fault.” Violet defended them, and while it warmed his heart she did so, she’d need to be careful when showing sympathy for them. Even if both of them were in a relationship, which she had made sure they were not, it was a dangerous game to play. “Are they blaming my mother for allowing Colonel Aetos control over the games?”

“Of course it’s not their fault, which is why Melgren is pissed. Your mother is more annoyed at the whole situation and his incompetency to not forsee cadets searching for loopholes than anything else” That seemed to be on brand with the General, more mad at the sight of incompetence than the actual danger it provided. The princess paused, her smile evaporating from her face. “I need a favor.” And there it was, the request Xaden had been dreading, he knew for certain this would put Violet in imminent danger and he couldn’t allow that. He made to step forward but Imogen stopped him, he turned to look at her and she faintly shook her head. “Let her handle it”, her thoughts said.

Violet feigned uninterest. “Finally ready to tell me the real reason you’re here then?”

“Cam is coming.”

A silence stretched through the courtyard, he could feel Violet’s surprise and worry through the bond. Her walls suddenly down with the news. Xaden didn’t know who Cam was, and he had become too tired to use his signet, but he already didn’t trust him or want Violet to have anything to do with him. Nothing from the Royal Family could be good, especially a favor.

Violet had a concerned look on her face “Are you joking?” she whispered after recovering from the shock.

“You know I’m not. He wants a dragon.” The princess matched her tone to Violet’s. Xaden wondered why someone somehow connected to the Royal Family wanted a dragon, seeing as most of them ended up in the infantry. The last time a member of the Royal Family dared to step foot in the rider's quadrant Xaden had taken care of it. He wouldn’t hesitate to do it again if it meant Violet’s protection.

“What for?” Violet barked, losing her temper with the princess. The guards were too far away to hear any of them.

“He has his reasons. If you can, please put him in your squad.” Xaden could note a hint of desperation in her voice. The princess would not back down on her request until Violet granted her what she wanted.

“What do I gain from that? Besides the King's wrath?” Violet was smart and cunning, and even if he saw her as someone kind and gentle, she still knew how to negotiate her own terms. “What happens to me if he finds out I’ve helped Cam?” She wouldn’t accept the task unless she had a very good reward. He preferred if she had said no outright, but he also knew it was a risk to do so, he cursed the princess for putting Violet in this position. However, he did wonder why would she receive the King’s wrath, and who this Cam was to justify that behavior.

“The King won’t know, I’ll protect you. As for the reward, I’ll make sure that Melgren finds it convenient enough to move Mira to whenever they send Riorson, you’ll see your sister every time you fly to him.” He swore under his breath, he knew that would sell Violet out, he didn’t even need to read her mind to know she would accept. She loved her sister and would do anything to see her more often.

Violet tried to show the promise of seeing her sister hadn’t affected her and went to a more logical route, trying to extract more information from the Princess, while she could. “Do you know how often I’ll fly out?”

“I don’t know any details, I’m sure they’ll explain it to you after graduation.” Xaden felt she was telling the truth, and even if she wasn’t they would receive orders soon enough. “Will you do it?”

“I won’t be a squad leader, I’m too weak for that.” He hated when Violet referred to herself as weak as if she wasn’t the strongest woman he knew. Tairn and Andarna had both bonded her and he knew dragons didn’t make mistakes, especially when it came to her. He hated that she thought of her body as a weakness as if it was her fault. The only reason she wouldn’t be a squad leader was because she sucked at following orders, and probably due to the whole dragon bond they had going on.

“No, you won’t, but I don’t think it’s because of that. No one would dare to call you weak when you bonded two dragons, one of them being the big black one.” That had been the biggest truth the princess had said since starting the conversation. “but you can ask Dain. He’s going to be a wingleader.”

“Of course he is.” Violet managed to not roll her eyes, Xaden wasn’t so strong. He heard Bodhi complain lowly to Imogen. It was just what they needed, Aetos's big ego growing ever more with this new power they would give him. “Why aren’t you asking Dain then?”

“You know why.” The princess almost growled.

“I want to hear it, if I’m putting my life on the line I need to know why Alys.” Violet hissed, Xaden didn’t like the way the conversation was going.

“Dain follows rules, you bend them. Cam trusts you, Halden doesn’t, which is enough reason for me to trust you with this.” Halden was the heir to Navarre’s throne if he recalled correctly. He wondered where exactly was Violet getting herself into and how he could prevent her from accepting. The princess fixed an unwavering gaze on Violet. She mumbled something in a language Xaden didn’t understand and then, “You are smart, we are not fifteen anymore grieving for our family and taking to bed any pretty boy that comes across our path. I trusted you then to not rat me out on our little rendezvous now I’m trusting you with this.” She took Violet's hands on her own. “You trusted me then too, trust me now that uncle won’t find out.”

Violet observed her as if she could read the princess's mind, “I’ll see what I can do” Xaden let out a long breath, he was not a fan of how this conversation had turned out, he would try to convince Violet to not put herself in it, but he knew he had already lost that fight. “but if he dies at Threshing like his brother–”

Xaden thought he had certainly heard wrong, Cam could not the Alic’s brother, certainly the Gods were not so cruel.

“He’s ready to take the risk. Just make sure he’s eating well, and that no one finds out who he is, especially the marked ones, you know how he is. He has a talent for pissing people off.”

“Does Tauri know?” It was the first time he had heard Violet refer to the King without his titles. To do so in front of someone from his family meant she was more acquainted with him than Xaden had initially thought. He could feel Bodhi’s and Garrick’s distress, their mistrust of Violet, but surprisingly Imogen was calm, simply observing what was happening.

“Doesn’t even know he isn’t doing his tour.” The Princess specified.

“May Zihal help us.” Violet rubbed her temples. “Won’t his guards alert him that his youngest is missing?” Xaden had his answer, Cam was one of the King’s sons. The youngest prince was coming to the quadrant because he wanted a dragon. Xaden couldn’t help but wonder if he knew what Xaden had done, and if he’d use Violet to get his revenge. Certainly, if the King knew he’d be without his head already, but the same couldn’t be said for the King’s son.

“They’ll be too scared to run to the King, besides I’m running interference.”

“And you’re allowing this because?” Violet seemed angry at the princess. “Last time we talked you despised the idea of riders and now your favorite cousin is on his path to becoming a cadet and you’re allowing it?”

“We have our reasons, Violet.” Her tone left no room for discussion. Xaden tried to see what those reasons were but the only intention he could grasp was the one that Cam would tell Violet soon. He could also sense a desperation that they all would stay alive long enough to meet again. “He might tell you in time.”

Violet huffed, “What about your wedding? If he’s missing Tauri’s going to notice.” Violet was always a step ahead of all of them, it continued to surprise him, even months later.

“Don’t worry about that. I have it handled. By the time I’m marrying Cam can be given leave.” The Princess explained. “Tynan, my future husband, has already agreed with this. We will marry next year.”

“Does Cam know you’re asking me this?” Violet wondered.

“Of course not, which is why you’ll act surprised when you see him in the parapet in five days.” Xaden could see the Royalty in the Princess now, the way she commanded Violet as if she had power over her could only come from someone born into Royalty.

The two seemed to fall into a heavy silence, the Princess's bodyguards still unaware of anything out of the ordinary happening. Finally, after staring at each other for far too long Violet bowed and said. “As you wish your Royal Highness.”

The princess nodded and backed away without another, his guards following her. Xaden cursed her with his eyes for asking for something so dangerous to Violet.

As the princess left the view, Xaden lowered his shadows and they made their way toward Violet.

“Didn’t know you were on a first name basis with the Royals” Bodhi quipped to Violet without waiting any longer, Xaden knew he was suspicious. He wanted to clear the plates and see what Violet had to say to defend herself.

Violet could certainly sense his apprehension and only raised an eyebrow. “I’ve lived next to them my whole childhood. Before my mother was a General she was part of the Royal Guard, and so was Colonel Aetos.”

“What did she say to you in that language?” Xaden asked Violet. He felt no one would ask the right questions and they were losing time.

“It was Morraine, She said ‘Power is a ladder.’”

“What does that mean?” Garrick barked, his patience had seemingly run out while they eavesdropped.

“Something her mother used to say. Alys thinks Aetos will lose his influence soon.”

“Do you trust her?” Xaden asked. He wanted to ask her not to get involved with the favor the princess had asked her, but he knew they would only fight about it and he would end up losing.

“Never, she would exchange pleasantries with me in a second, and in the next, she’d be plugging a knife into my back. That’s how Royals work, I don’t blame them but neither do I trust them.” Violet paused. “Cam coming here is weird.”

“Why?” Imogen asked, she had been too quiet and Xaden was dying to know what she would have to say about the whole thing.

“He always said he never wanted to be a rider, he was a third son, he was supposed to be whoring his way throughout the country, not fighting for his life in any quadrant.” Violet rolled her eyes while saying this, a small smirk appearing on her lips, it made his jealousy spike again.

“Seems a pretentious prick.” Garrick said, he didn’t have a lot of love for Royals which was ironic given what their fathers’ relationship had been before the apostasy.

“He is, and he’s aware of it.” Violet furrowed her eyes, the way she did when she was trying to solve a problem. “He’s always been the smartest out of the three of them.”

“What exactly are you saying?” Xaden asked, he had a sense that Violet was being purposefully vague and speaking in riddles.

“I’m not sure, just thinking about something she mentioned.” Violet shook her head. Xaden knew she wasn’t telling him everything, but he’d ask her when they didn’t have an audience. “If Alys is helping him it’s because he has a very good reason to come here. She’s not easily convinced to help, even to her own family.” She explained to the rest of them.

“She seemed to really care for her cousin. Why wouldn't she help him?” Imogen questioned.

“She has her reasons, her mother’s death being one of them.” No one exactly knew how the King’s sister-in-law had died, but no one seemed to question it either. Just one more secret Navarre was withholding. “She also could only be helping Cam because it would piss the King off, but somehow I don’t think she would risk Cam’s life for that.” She looked towards the horizon, and cut the conversation. “It’s getting late, we need to move.”

While Imogen, Garrick, and Bodhi went to do what they needed to do, Xaden and Violet walked to Liam’s room. They needed to retrieve those letters to give to Sloane. Xaden couldn’t think too hard about Liam’s death, he would break if he did so.

“You didn’t say everything back there, what else did she say to you? In that language?” Violet fixed her eyes on him, she studied him for a long time. She was searching his eyes, probably looking for any mistrust on his part, if he was worth trusting. He tried to give her what she wanted, his honest eyes. He knew she wasn’t going to betray them, but the lack of information left him on edge.

Violet seemed to have made up her mind “She just reminded me that I am a rider and riders fight.”

“Why did she feel the need to tell you that?” Xaden wanted her to expand on what she thought about what the princess had said, but she was withdrawn. She wouldn’t tell him anything, it felt as if he had to rip the information out of her. The irony was not lost on him, she had said that that was what it had felt like when she was asking him questions about himself. As if cakes and siblings were the most important thing to know about him, and maybe they were, to her. Now that he was on the other side of the board it didn’t look as fun, ripping information out of Violet left him frustrated and distressed. Once again he promised himself that he would tell her anything if she only asked.

“I don’t know.” Violet let those words hang between them, not giving him any insight into her thoughts.

When they reached Liam’s bedroom she went straight to his desk, flipping through his papers, and finding nothing. Xaden had no idea where he hid his letters, he never asked and Liam never told him, both of them certain he would survive his first year. They had been fools, basking in their own ego, ignoring the real dangers around them.

“You know I’m surprised, I thought you wouldn’t want to speak to me.” Xaden tried to joke with Violet to try to lift the mood. He felt the room suffocating them both, leaving them breathless with the weight of grief. He knew neither he nor her wanted to address Liam’s death, not now and maybe not ever, the wound too deep to dig in, it was easier to ignore the pain right in front of them.

He had been a balm of smoothness in both of their lives, the sun in the everlasting darkness with which they surrounded themselves. Basgiath seemed a lot less bleak with him, and now the bleakness was back, only stronger, his absence feeling stronger than his laugh ever did.

Before grief attempts to consume him whole he shifts his focus to Violet again, and by the tightness in her face he can see being here is as hard to her as it is to him. He knows he’s about to bear the weight of her grief masked in fury, he can’t say he doesn’t deserve it. “What’s the point, we have a war to fight. Besides, I’m sure you’ll want updates on how my lightning training is going, as you certainly will have to change the conduit.”

“Vi—“ He exhaled, trying to control himself, it was all becoming too much for him. Every time he tried to explain or to apologize it only seemed he dug his grave even further. Her anger burned much hotter than he had initially thought, his words to Garrick the day before turning to lies the more she talked. It hurt him that she thought he only cared for her as long as she was useful to the revolution. And yet, hadn’t that been what he had led her to believe since she had bonded with Tairn? He trained her, sent Liam to her, and gave her daggers, all in the name of self-preservation, and now she thought that was all she was to him. She was taking back all of her words uttered in the parapet and he wanted to scream to past him to just give himself into her love, to not be a coward, as Sgaeyl had resumed to call him.

He did wonder who had given her a conduit, he had received no warning of her being given one.

“Don’t, Riorson, or should I call you the heir apparent?” She fixed her gaze on him. He was going to kill whoever told her that stupid title. It had probably been Felix, when he made his way back to Aretia he was going to strangle him. “You shouldn’t worry, I'll be your most skilled soldier.”

He hated when she called him Riorson, he hated even more that he only wanted her for her signet. The only woman he had ever loved was in front of him, implying she thought he only wanted her because she would serve a purpose in a war he didn’t even want her to participate in the first place. He didn’t know whether to laugh at the absurdity or cry because he finally was starting to see how badly he had mucked this up.

“Violet you know that’s not —“

“Am I not? It seems I only know the bare minimum to comply with orders. And this is not even addressing the disaster of how little I know about you as a person.” She turned her back to him as she reached for Liam’s bed.

“I promised you some answers Violet, I didn’t lie to you.” He tried to emphasize, he wasn’t known for breaking his promises and he wasn’t going to start now, especially if it came to her.

Violet let out a laugh that had no humor in it, the sound of it leaving an ache in his heart. “Somehow I doubt that. You’ll never be the open book you need to be for this to work” She shook her head, her gaze downcast, as she found Liam’s letters. She passed through him to the corridor without a glance back.

He grimaced, he knew they would need to talk about this with calm and alone, not while in a hurry heading to formation. No good could come out of a conversation now, but still, he tried. “I can’t do open book, but I’ll answer the questions you have, you just need to ask.”

Violet had a hurt look on her face, one he wanted to take away badly. He knew she had probably misunderstood him, or maybe she hadn’t and he did deserve that look. He feared that she would reach her limit soon and figure out he wasn’t worth the trouble, ending up leaving him like all others. If she decided that he would have no one to blame but himself. “You promised me all your truths and yet I don’t see you willing to give them to me. You promised to fight for me, yet you’ve done everything you can to stay away from me since I woke up. I can’t—” Before she was done talking a door opened at the end of the corridor.

Violet’s face lit up and her whole posture softened. “Rhi.” She made her way towards her friend and they hugged, Rhiannon cradling Violet’s head.

“Vi, we thought you’d been killed, all of you. I’m so happy you’re here. Don’t make me think I’ll have to burn your things ever again.” She said in quick succession not giving Violet time to respond. She looked toward where Xaden was and to the rest of the corridor. A frown marred her face, she set her eyes on Violet again “Where’s Liam?”

Violet had her back to him, yet he knew exactly how her expression shattered, her body stiffened again and he saw her hold her friend’s hand, turning white such was the force. Rhiannon started shaking her head, a look of disbelief on her face. “No, no. Vi”

“I’ll talk to you later I promise, but we need to make it to formation.” Violet’s voice was soft as she spoke, she showed the letters to her friend, “Can you keep this in your room in the meantime please?” Rhiannon could only nod, her eyes locked on Violet’s searching for something there. Violet gave nothing away.

They resumed their walk leaving Rhiannon in her bedroom.

They were the first of the group to reach the rotunda, where they’d seen the Princess earlier. They hid behind the red dragon, obscuring them from view from the other cadets, giving them time to gather their breath before the second part of the plan took place. This was where the real danger started and he just hoped all of them would make it out alive.

He hadn’t given much thought over what his last words could be, and given what his father’s were he wanted to uphold the legacy, to be killed with wrath on his tongue. His words forever engraved in the minds of those who gave the final command.

He also wanted to live to make things right by Violet, no matter how much he was bound to mess up, for her to reject him, he still wanted a chance. They would not take it from him today.

He looked to Violet, if he burned she would burn with him, she was so full of life, he couldn’t let them take it away from her. He thought about all the people who would miss her, Mira would surely find a way to bring him back just to send him to Malek herself. He remembered Rhiannon and her loyal squad, the relief obvious when she had seen Violet alive, he was glad Violet had friends, they were essential for you to survive in the quadrant, even if so many said otherwise, which made it even harder what he had to say to her.

“You know you can’t tell her anything.” He cautioned Violet.

Violets turned a side-eye on him, which made him regret having opened his mouth. “I am not stupid Riorson, I know what’s at stake. Don’t worry I’ll be as good as a liar as you are.”

“I never lied to you. I told you selective truths.” Xaden felt the need to defend himself.

“Giving it a different name because it sounds prettier doesn’t make it better.” Violet taunted him, giving him just the right amount of mockery in her voice.

He almost flinched. “I know it’s hard.”

“No, you don’t, you lie too easily as if it’s second nature to you. I hate lying to people I care about but I’ll do it. I’ll lie for you, not only because we’re doing the right thing and I don’t have any other choice but to do it, but because I wouldn’t tell your secrets willingly to anyone else.” Before he can do something reckless like take her in his arms and hold her there the others arrive.

“Everything is set,” Garrick says, unaware of having interrupted something. He wished he could live in his ignorance. “I hope this goes as you planned.”

So did Xaden, but he wasn’t allowed to show any weakness, he was supposed to command them, to be the leader, no matter if he was ready for it or not. It didn’t matter he was just as scared as the rest of them, he didn’t have the luxury to bow and follow, only to order and command. He takes a deep breath, and sends a quick prayer to Sgaeyl, better her than any Gods, and as they are calling his and Garrick’s name off the death rolls, he opens the door.

Notes:

After 10k words of Xaden spiraling (and being a poet in the beginning of the chapter) how do we feel ?? Truth be told i can’t see this chapter in front of me anymore lmao so if there’s any mistake or incoherency please KINDLY warn me.

it would not be a fic by me if i didn’t make at least one OC so what did you think about Alys ?? Tell me all your thoughts they are very welcomed !!

as always thank you soooo much for reading i hoped you enjoyed this chapter that took way to long to edit <3

(also can you believe i wanted to include the “interrogation” part in this chapter ?! wild

Chapter 4

When telling a lie, it's essential to first believe it yourself. If you, as the liar, don't have faith in your own words, how can you expect others to believe them? It’s all a game of denial and subtlety, but also of intelligence. Don't underestimate others by assuming they are stupid, Cam. Many people around you are quite perceptive and are usually a step ahead of you, they simply conceal their beliefs better. And if you allow me to be honest, no one wears their heart on their sleeve as fearlessly as you, my little prince.

– Recovered Correspondence between Princess Alys Tauri and Prince Cam Tauri

Surprised gasps echo around him.

Half-formed sentences reach his ears, mumbled amidst the turmoil. He caught fragments of phrases: 'They are alive,' 'They never made it to–,' 'I thought they’d killed Sorrengail,' and in response, 'their dragons are mated.' A louder voice interjected, 'Shut up, does this mean they won?' followed by a scorning male voice, 'How could they have won, Johanna?'

He ignores them all.

Xaden takes great pleasure in the surprised faces of the people standing on the dais. They scramble to make sense of what is happening in front of their eyes. He can admit, if only to himself, that whenever someone from Command is left speechless from his actions, it feels like a victory.

He can see the apprehension in their eyes, the fear they so try to hide. He remembers when he manifested his first signet, his loyal shadows. At first, he lost control easily, making it so that the whole classroom drowned in black. He remembers being called to General Sorrengail’s office, the King had been present. Xaden thought he would meet his end that day, that they’d kill him, they couldn’t allow a son of a traitor to have so much power in the grasp of his hands.

In the end, the King made a show of granting him “mercy”, for daring to manifest such power, as if it was his feat that his signet was a powerful one. By his second year, they would raise him to squad leader, not as a reward, they would never be that benevolent with him. He got the position simply because he would be busier if he had responsibilities in Basgiath to take care of, surely he couldn’t form a second rebellion if he had to oversee the first-year cadets.

They hadn’t told him that of course, but by that time, his second signet had already made itself known and Panchek’s shields had never been flawless.

The added responsibilities hadn’t worked in their favor, but it was too late to change it by the time they realized it. Staring at the people on the dais he could see that the decision to grant him the position of wingleader had caused their doom, and they knew it. After all, it was his job to defend his squad. And how lucky they were that the squad he had under his wing was filled with marked ones.

He doesn’t need to summon his shadows to scare them now, he knows that his mere presence is enough.

Let them fear him.

They must paint a picture, eight riders, seven of which carry a rebellion relic, considered to be dead, returning from the ashes, unscarred and led by him. Xaden carries a smirk on his face, and everyone knows by now that, whenever he carries that expression it is never a good sign for those in positions of power.

General Sorrengail can’t stop looking at her daughter, her gaze wavering through all of them but always returning to Violet. Her shields are impeccable, fortified walls surrounding the depths of her mind. He wouldn’t be able to break through them no matter how hard he pushed.

He wonders about her feelings at this moment, for days she was led to believe her youngest was dead. The General had done the unthinkable just to keep her daughter safe in the quadrant, she had come to him for help. He ponders if she feels relief in seeing her daughter, if any fondness, if she is capable of such emotion, runs through her at the sight of Violet alive.

For his own consciousness, he hopes she doesn’t, it would make hating her much easier.

Colonel Aetos has the face of someone unlucky enough to have had a dragon step on them. His red face unmasks his emotions, anger, surprise, and hatred flow through his eyes. Xaden would think that after so many years in a prestigious position, he would be able to conceal them, but as expected an Aetos always disappoints. Even his son does a better job at hiding his temper, not by far, but Xaden’s standards are high and there’s no chance Dain Aetos could ever achieve them.

The two scribes on the dais look pale, Xaden knows that’s the face of someone who believes is seeing a ghost. Captain Fitzgibbons stares between them and the death roles as if a piece of paper could ever provide him with the answers he needs.

Even if it could, it would not be in Navarre that he would find it, seeing as they had been altering history for at least 400 years.

The only ones able to provide the answers they sought were the riders at Xaden’s back, and for that to happen he would have to endure the interrogation that General Sorrengail was sure to unleash.

Xaden steps forward and tries to exude all the confidence he doesn’t feel. His shoulders are heavier than ever, locked tight from the tension radiating off of him. The scars on his back burn, an everlasting reminder of the price of his treason. If he fails, the doom will settle upon them all, their lives depend on how well he can sell this lie. He is used to lying, but never had he been so unsure whether the enemy would believe his words.

Their shields being up certainly doesn’t help.

On his heart, another scar lights up, the strongest of them all. The burning doesn’t weigh him down like the others, but it reminds him of the strength and care Violet gave him in her room, so many nights ago. That night he remembers cursing her, for giving him hope, for making him feel so much, so cared for. Today, he curses her no more, her scar is the one that gives him the final push to stare Command down and lie through his teeth.

He can feel the eyes of all the cadets focused on him, following his every move, but he pays no attention to them. He can only look towards the one who sent them all to die. The one who was the reason Liam and Soleil were no longer under his care.

“If it doesn’t go as planned me and Tairn are ready to intervene” Sgaeyl quietly creeps into his mind.

“And Andarna?” He knew if it all went awry Violet would be fretting about her dragon’s condition. He wanted to make sure he was in possession of all the facts before proceeding.

“Asleep and safe with the elders.” The presence of Sgaeyl was a balm to his temper, her everlasting presence a reminder that he wasn’t alone. “I chose you for your ruthlessness, show them who you belong to by surviving.” A command from his dragon was not to be ignored, he would not fail. If any other person had said that to Xaden it would’ve put him on edge, but Sgaeyl was unlike the others, she gave him the courage and will to survive.

“You aren’t dead” Captain Fitzgibbons breaks the silence on the dais, stating the obvious.

Xaden has enough self-control to not roll his eyes. “Seeing as I’m standing here, no I’m not.”

He sees in their eyes how much his not-deceased state is an unfortunate event to them all. He knows they had been wanting to get rid of him for months, preferably before he started his services at one of the outposts. He was too much of a liability to them. Pity that their attempt hadn’t been successful.

The scribe helping Captain Fitzgibbons pales considerably, his eyebrows furrowing as he tries to make sense of what happened. He turns his back on Xaden to converse with some of the other scribes nearby and doesn’t seem to reach any logical collusion.

Xaden could’ve told him that he wouldn’t find the answers in the papers if they dignified themselves by asking questions instead of staring endlessly at pieces of paper.

General Sorrengail, the bane of his existence, steps forward, seemingly tired of the whole fanfare. Without looking at him she checks for Violet. Her worry is evident, now that he’s closer to her, that much is clear, even if she masks it quickly.

Xaden likes to think of himself as capable of forgiveness. Even if all the people in his life think he’s incapable of having any humanity left, the past year with Violet has proven otherwise. He thinks he would be capable of forgetting the General’s crimes against him if she treated Violet with the love and care a mother should give to a child. Unfortunately for her, she doesn’t. She might not be as terrible as his mother, but doesn’t mean she’s good, the amount of times he saw hurt in Violet’s eyes when speaking of her mother is enough for him to hate her. Adding the crimes she has committed against Tyrrendor, puts her in the top three spots of his most hated people, only behind King Tauri and General Melgreen.

As Xaden thinks this, there’s a small voice in his head that tells him he’s happy she’s not good to Violet, that way he can hate her in peace. It is a fine balance.

“It shouldn’t be possible.” The younger scribe reiterates and Xaden reads that he intends to dismantle the issue. As if the death role being wrong is the greatest offense it could have happened. He wishes to demand for an investigation but is aware that he holds no authority to do so.

The General rolls her eyes, even with her strong shields Xaden can sense her irritation. “And yet here they are standing, and as wingleader Riorson so cleverly stated, he’s not dead.” She shoots him a glare as if to reprimand him for his earlier sarcasm. He is not sorry, he would point out Command’s constant incompetency if that didn’t get him killed. “So why don’t you tell me why this happened? Why did you consider this squad dead?”

He isn't sure who she’s directing this question to. The scribes don’t make those decisions, they may write on the death role, but it is the rider’s quadrant who gives the information that allows them to do so.

It is Colonel Aetos who answers, making a great effort but still unable to hide his disdain. “They have been gone for six days, without reporting.” He fixes his gaze on Xaden. “I should’ve filled you all for dissertation, send you to Malek for betraying your duty to this country.” His eyes glisten as he says the last words and Xaden knows he needs to tread carefully.

Before he can answer, a familiar voice responds. “We should listen to what they have to say.” The Princess steps forward, Xaden hadn’t noticed her presence until now, an oversight on his part. “If they went rogue, why return at all? And being missing for six days hardly counts as a successful dissertation.” She chuckles as she turns to look at him, after examining the exposed part of his relic, she turns to General Sorrengail. “We should let him speak, the King’s justice demands it. Besides we can’t let riders this powerful go to waste, especially when taking into account which dragon he is bonded to.”

He loathes that she speaks of him as if he’s not standing in front of her, but he remains quiet, something in her demeanor leaves him intrigued. After her conversation with Violet, the last thing he wants is to land on the Princess's bad side, making Violet’s life harder as a consequence. He isn’t sure if the Princess is aware of the Alic situation, but if she is he will not vex her further.

The General nods, abiding by the princess’s request. “Wingleader Riorson, explain what happened on the War Games.” She fixes him with her penetrating gaze.

“I was directed to take a squad beyond the wards to Athebyne and form the headquarters for Fourth Wing’s War Games, and I did so. We stopped to rest our riot at the nearest lake past the wards, and we were attacked by gryphons.” The lie rolls off his tongue easily, discreetly he takes a deep breath. “It was a surprise attack, and they caught Deigh and Fuil unaware. They were dead before they ever had a chance.” He looks directly at the General. “We lost Liam Mairi and Soleil Telery. And we almost lost Sorrengail.” He tries not to let the memories of Violet falling off Tairn and the black blood coming out of her wound flood his mind. She is alive, she was mended, and is standing right behind him, he does not need to check on her one more time.

He thinks, however, about checking on her through the bond, just to attenuate his worries, but thinks better of it. Usually, he becomes distracted when speaking through their connection, shifting his whole focus to her. He can’t afford any slip now.

“He’s lying,” Colonel Aetos screams, pointing a finger at Xaden.

“Quiet.” General Sorrengail says under her breath. “You are embarrassing me.” Xaden almost smirks, of course, the General is worried about how it would reflect on her that her aide is screaming at a cadet. Her reputation seems extremely important to her, and according to Brennan, she’s willing to sacrifice anything for it.

That warning seems to settle the Colonel down, he backtracks and remains with his accusations to himself. He knows better than to cross her path, especially when she is her direct supervisor.

The General, once she made sure Aetos was dealt with, turned her gaze to Violet. “Cadet Sorrengail, step forward. Let us set this matter.”

Violet steps on the dais never breaking eyes with her mother. She is the perfect image of confidence, never faltering in her path to her mother. “It is true General. We-”

“Lies!” Colonel Aetos snarls once more.

Quickly the two Sorrengails turn their heads to the Colonel with fire in their eyes. Xaden had always thanked that Violet hadn’t inherited her mother’s looks, but at this moment he could see how alike they were. Violet had clearly inherited not only her mother’s impeccable fury but also her quiet showcase of superiority. Unlike Mira, their posture alone could move an entire room to silence, without uttering a word. Their eyes could set aflame anyone on the receiving end, and currently, that was Aetos who took a step back at both women’s stares.

“I would think better before accusing a Sorrengail of being unloyal Colonel.” The irony wasn’t lost on Xaden that Brennan was currently in Aretia and Violet had just killed a horde of Wyverns. The General certainly raised loyal children, just not to Navarre specifically. “Cadet Sorrengail.” She gestured for Violet to continue.

He couldn’t control himself and felt the need to remind her. “Selective truths only. There could be a truth sayer in these grounds.”

“I know how to lie to my mother, now shut up.” She told him briskly.

“We flew for Athebyne, as ordered. As was stated by Wingleader Riorson, we stopped at the lake about twenty minutes out so we could water the dragons and dismounted. I didn’t hear them approaching, and before I knew what was happening, Soleil’s dragon was killed, and Deigh was gutted. The last thing I remember is being stabbed by a poisoned blade.” Violet stared at her mother as she said this.

“And how did the flier get close enough to stab you may I ask? You forgot that part.” The Colonel let out a snarl. “We have no accounts that fliers use poisoned blades.”

Violet looked towards him and frowned “Colonel, I was engaged in close combat,” She had a look of contempt marrying her face. “I just said we had dismounted to water the dragons. Some of us had to fight on the ground as we couldn’t reach our dragons in time.” Xaden almost smirked. Violet was good at deceiving and twisting the truth, some of them had fought on the ground, even if that hadn’t been her case. Violet lifted her eyebrows to Aetos. “The fliers certainly don’t have an account of anyone in Navarre having lightning as a signet and yet that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.”

Xaden saw the General smirk, which was something he thought her incapable of doing, but she quickly hid it. “And why did it take six days to return? Athebyne was twenty minutes out. Surely they could’ve gotten you a healer in time.”

“Aethebyne was empty General.” Xaden could hear the gasps along the crowd of cadets who were close enough to hear them, which almost made him scoff. Riders certainly had a flair for dramatics, as if they knew what Athebyne being empty meant. A silent fury washes over the General’s face. “The outpost only held a missive that stated that Wingleader Riorson could choose to keep watch over a nearby village or race to Eltuval.

“Here’s the missive.” he extended it towards the General “Not sure what the destruction of a foreign village had to do with War Games, but we didn’t stick around to find out. Cadet Sorrengail was dying, and I chose to preserve what remained of my squad.”

He was about to continue but stopped at the General’s expression, she was watching Violet closely and for a moment he feared she wouldn’t believe them. He was ready to surround the courtyard with shadows so they could make their exit, but it turned out to be unnecessary. Once again Violet showed how well she knew her mother. “By that point I was delirious, I’m not sure what happened next. I know it took them a long time to find someone who was willing to heal me, as soon as I recovered we flew back. I don’t remember being healed, and the person who did asked for discretion. They don’t want to suffer consequences for helping cadets without reporting back.” Violet narrows her eyes to her mother. “We arrived this morning, the dragons flew to the Vale, which I’m sure your dragon can attest to.”

The General lifted an eyebrow. “Aimsir just told me you arrived about an hour ago. He confirms your story. It’s not the first time a healer hasn’t reported back, so I won’t investigate it further. I’ll grant them their anonymity.” Then she turns to Aetos, her eyes flaring. “You emptied a strategically invaluable outpost beyond the wards for War Games?”

The Colonel tries to excuse himself and Xaden takes more delight in it than he should. “It was only for a few days–”

“His Majesty the King and Melgreen are already complaining that you allowed more than three people with rebellion relics to be part of the same squad, and now this? Do you lack common sense?” Xaden could feel a sudden breeze, and instantly knew it wasn’t natural. The General was on the verge of losing control, she took a deep breath and the breeze stopped. She turned to the scribes on the dais. “Correct the death roll, get these cadets into formation, and commence graduation so the new lieutenants can get to their wings. I expect to see you in my office in thirty minutes, Colonel Aetos.” She then turned to the Princess. “This shall be solved at the earliest Your Royal Highness.”

The Princess nods. “I trust your judgement General, as does the King.” She then turns to Violet and gives her a curt nod, Violet doesn’t react.

General Sorrengail approaches the place where he and Violet stand. The hair on the back of his neck stands, and all of his senses turn to flee. He has never enjoyed being near the General. “You survived a knife wound after being thrown into combat as a first-year,” she says to Violet.

Violet lifts her chin. “Sorrengails are riders.” She said something similar to Brennan when they were fighting, Xaden wonders if it was something they often heard as children. Violet lowers her voice “I deal with more pain before lunch than any of you do in an entire week.”

“Which is why I never doubted you.” The General comes even closer to Violet and Xaden suppresses his urge to put himself between them. He has to remind himself that she’s her mother and he’s sure Violet wouldn’t warm to him if he caused a scene. “I didn’t tell Mira, so do me a favor and spare her the details.”

Violet scoffs, “You’re just avoiding another screaming match.”

The General didn’t deny it. She glanced at Colonel Aetos and then at Violet again. “You have survived past your 21st birthday. Congratulations.” And then she turned away, seemingly leaving for her office.

“Tell me that wasn’t her way of saying Happy Birthday.” Xaden lets out before he can contain himself.

Violet lets out a laugh “Would you prefer me lying to you?” For a moment Xaden thinks she’s taking jabs at him due to his behavior, but he sees a small smirk on her face. Xaden counts it as an improvement – she’s teasing him. “That was warmer than last year, so I can’t complain.”

“I hate her.” Xaden whispers, almost inaudible in his own mind, but Violet hears it all the same.

“Don’t be so offended on my behalf. She’s done much more cruel things for you to be angry at her than her lack of warmth for me.” Xaden thinks about the scars on his back, the price he had to pay for the survival of children. He remembers their parents trying not to scream as they burned, as if to not scare them, because Command had made them watch their deaths. He remembers General Sorrengail, in the midst of it all, standing next to Melgreen, a quiet glee, and fury in their eyes.

Violet is right, as she usually is, her mother has committed countless crimes, but still, he thinks Violet is deserving of an all-out birthday celebration, even one coming from the monster that is her mother. However he doesn’t argue against her, it would only lead to a fight he doesn’t want to have. He allowed her to have this small win, knowing he would have time eventually, to prove her wrong.

He saw Violet straighten her posture as Colonel Aetos approached them, by his expression, Xaden could already tell that what he was about to say could put them both in danger.

“You won’t get away with this” The Colonel snarled.

Xaden matches his tone. “Get away with that exactly?”

“We both know that gryphons weren’t the things that attacked you.”

“What could possibly be beyond the wards that have the threat of killing two experienced dragons?” Violet refuted back. “Surely if you know of any other possible threat you’ll want to clue the rest of the quadrant in?”

“You’re such a disappointment, Violet, one wonders how you even bonded.”

Instant rage flares through Xaden, he steps in immediately between the two of them. He lowers his tone to the Colonel, on the verge of strangling him for implying that Violet is anything less than perfect. “Stop, you gambled and you lost, and if you imply again that dragons make bad decisions maybe you should take it up with her dragon?”

“Tairn says you do not speak for him.” Sgaeyl says, tone bored as if passing on this message was the biggest trouble she was currently facing. Tairn probably made her do it, he hadn’t spoken to him since Violet woke up.

“Is he complaining?” Xaden asked, his tone sarcastic. The last time they spoke Tairn had made clear he was to protect Violet at all times.

There’s a pause from his dragon, then “No. He acknowledges this might be part of your human mating rituals to get the Silver One to forgive you. Tairn says if you must use his name, at least be more graphic, he will take apart the Colonel’s limbs one by one and feast on them while he watches and only when he’s done dismantling his bones will he roast him.”

Xaden didn’t know anyone could be more disgusting at describing killing someone than Sgaeyl, but he should’ve known that her mate would be worse. “And end up on the death row? No, thank you.”

“As if I’d let them kill you,” Sgaeyl scoffs, offended, retreating from his mind.

Xaden returned to the conversation as the Colonel spoke again. “You are lying, and I will have them all know.”

Xaden smirked. “Please do, I’ll even wait here for you to tell everyone what really attacked us, should I call for a formation while you figure out your speech?” The Colonel pales at his words, knowing damn well he can’t tell anyone anything without exposing the whole truth. He’s sure Navarre would have his head if he even tried. “If you don’t intend on doing it I assume we’re dismissed? I want to get the graduation going and not sure if you noticed but the entire quadrant is looking at us.”

The Colonel’s face got even redder, and Xaden briefly wondered if a head could ever explode, in a literal sense. “Get. In. Formation. Now.”

He was about to turn around and leave the dais when Violet barged through his shields and spoke through the bond. “Bow to the Princess.”

“I’m not–”

“Don’t be hard Xaden, it’s protocol. You don’t want to get on her bad side.” Unfortunately, Violet was right. He didn’t want to make the Princess an enemy to him, but especially to Violet, so he turned to the princess, who was ogling at them attentively, and gave her a curt bow, if it could be called that, only lowering his head.

Violet bowed deeper and more elegantly than him. They retreated as the Princess gave them a nod of acknowledgment. “You call that a bow?” Violet whispered when they were far enough so people wouldn’t hear them.

“I’m not going to hurt my back for her.” Besides Xaden didn’t bow to anyone, especially to someone from Navarre, he only did it because Violet had asked.

Violet let out a scoff, and Xaden could almost fool himself and pretend it was an affectionate one. “You are impossible.”

When they reached the rest of their riot he turned to Garrick. “It’s settled, get everyone in formation.” He could see the relief on Garrick’s shoulders, as if he too had been tense during the entire questioning, drafting an escape plan.

As he directed everyone to formation, Xaden followed Violet in the direction of her squad, and more precisely, Dain Aetos.

“Why are you following me?” Violet raised her eyebrows.

He grinned. “There’s one more Aetos I need to take care of.”

“You can’t throw him off the parapet.” Violet teased.

“Unfortunately I am aware.” Xaden lamented, his life would be easier if he could follow that plan of action.

Violet rolled her eyes. “What is your grand plan?”

“Playing into his ego.”

She quickly loosed her teasing posture and glowered.“You will not embarrass me in front of the quadrant.” He widens his eyes, ready to deny it. “Think carefully of your words, I don’t need people to think me weak. I will not be caught in between a dick-measuring contest.” It wasn’t a refusal for help, but a reminder for him to respect her. A reminder for him not to reduce her to a conquest in front of the whole quadrant.

Before he could answer, Aetos Junior came screaming toward Violet, calling her name. “Violet”

She whipped her head around, narrowing her eyes on Aetos, he reached his hands forward angling towards her face.

“Touch me and I swear to Amari I’ll feed your hands to Tairn, he’s been waiting for me to let him get his way with you.” Violet says in a detached voice, much like her mother’s.

Xaden hears people gasping around them, he stays steadily at her side.

“Violet.” Aetos stops in his tracks, his whole posture freezing. “You don’t mean that.”

Violet lets out a hollow laugh, and Aetos pales as he hears it. A flash of recognition passes through his eyes as they widen. “Oh, I mean it Dain Aetos.” Xaden can feel the power radiating off of Violet, she’s on the edge of burning Basgiath down, and while he usually wouldn’t argue against it, today is not the day to destroy the college.

“I need you to calm down. You can’t burn anyone.”

“If you tell me to be calm again I will burn you instead,” she says, but her power visibly retreats.

Aetos takes a step forward and Xaden stops him by restraining his feet with his shadows, he tries to fight them to no avail. They only follow one master and that is Xaden. “If I were you I would listen to Violet and take her threats seriously.” He smirked. “Or I might take personal offense.”

“Is that a threat Riorson?” Aetos folly asks.

“Dain” Violet whispers screams. “He’s your wingleader.”

“You didn’t seem to remember that when–”

“Don’t finish that sentence.” Both Xaden and Violet say at the same time. Xaden is about to taunt him with his relationship with Amber when Violet continues. “My relationship with Xaden has nothing to do with my anger towards you.” Xaden tries hard not to smile because Violet just admitted to the people around them that they have a relationship – no matter how non-existent it currently is. Soon the whole quadrant will know. Violet’s posture seems confident, she knows exactly what she said, and even if he’s ecstatic he knows she’s currently mad at him, he wonders what game she’s playing.

Aetos's face seems ready to burst so Xaden delivers one last blow “Violet’s signet should be enough to keep you away, but in case it’s not I want you to remember one word each time you reach for her face.” He lowers his voice, and steps closer, only Aetos and Violet can hear him. “Athebyne.” He backs away and lets all the hatred he feels for Aetos marry his face. He pales as if he knows exactly what he’s done. “Get back in formation, squad leader, before I lose all pretense of civility on behalf of Liam and Soleil.”

Dain Aetos, never one to disobey direct orders from those above his chain of Command, backs away with one last glance between Xaden and Violet and positions himself in front of his designated squad.

Violet's squad approaches, slightly breaking formation to hug her. Xaden shares one last glance with her before retreating to the front of Fourth Wing, he too needs to be in front of his wing.

Captain Fitzgibbons resumes reading the death role and Xaden feels his heart break as Liam’s name is called. The scars on his back burn. He was supposed to take care of him since he got into the quadrant, but in the end, Xaden had only gotten him killed.

The graduation ceremony starts, First Wing Wingleaders are called first. When his name is called the Princess gives him his order right away instead of him having the option to choose his outpost like the other Wingleaders.

He doesn’t protest, he knew this would happen. It shouldn’t surprise him as much as it does.

“I chose Samara, thought it would be better suited than Montserrat.” the Princess whispers to him, her tone so low it’s almost inaudible. He narrows his eyes, not sure what she’s implying. “Unless you want to change?”

Samara is closer to the exchange point for the weapons with the fliers, in Montserrat, it would be almost impossible to make them. Its north position leaving it too far away from where Syrena usually is. He won’t put Bodhi in an unnecessary job of delivery when the responsibility could very well still be his. “Samara is fine.” he answers the Princess without complaint.

She nods “May the Gods accompany you in your new position, and may you serve the people you swore to protect well Lieutenant Riorson.” He nods in acknowledgment and goes to Panchek so he can give him the badges he won’t use in his new uniform.

“I will find you before I go” he sends Violet’s way, she doesn’t answer him but he knows she heard him.

– xx –

Xaden finds himself with Garrick and Bodhi outside the pathway to the parapet. No one would bother them here, probably thinking how suicidal they all were, so close to the edge. It was safe to speak here, even if they had to keep their tones down.

“Samara then?” Bodhi was asking. He and Garrick had just finished packing, leaving their rooms vacant for the next hungry third years to make their move fast. He would also fly as soon as possible to their outpost. They still had to know if they could smuggle weapons without Command noticing. He wasn’t familiar with Samara, he didn’t know where the entrance of the forge was and they needed to find it quickly without arousing suspicion.

The conclusion was the sooner the better.

“It was either that or Montserrat.” Garrick responds. “In Samara, it's easier to deliver the weapons without our absence being noticed.” He takes out a roll of churram from his pocket and lights it up. “I’m just surprised they let us stay at the same outpost.”

“They think it’ll be easier to keep an eye on both of you maybe.” Bodhi offers, not convinced of his own words. “Either way it’s still a nine-hour flight. Do you know when you’ll be given leave?” He asked, the question directed at Xaden.

“They haven’t told me anything yet. Sgaeyl knows but she’s been quiet all afternoon and won’t tell me, which means that whatever they’ve done she’s pissed.” Xaden had tried to speak with his dragon after graduation only for her to block him. He still hadn’t figured out if she was being her dramatic self or if Command did something the dragons would not approve of. Either way, if Sgaeyl was pissed it meant that Xaden would be too, soon enough, and that left him on edge. “I’ll make sure I’ll be here when the marked ones meet.”

“That’s not what worries me.” Bodhi said elusively. Xaden and Garrick knew he would get his words out, so they waited. Garrick offered him the churam, but Xaden refused, he remembers Violet hating the smell. “As I said it’s a nine-hour flight, that’s a lot of time to be intercepted by Command.”

“Xaden has done it before Bodhi, besides he’s not a cadet anymore.” Garrick dismissed his worries, but Xaden knew exactly what Bodhi had meant. It wasn’t him he was worried about.

“Sorrengail hasn’t.” Xaden froze, his shoulders tensing. He had hoped none of them would bring up Violet’s involvement in the weapons runs. He didn’t want her involved in this at all, it was too dangerous and he wished he could prevent it from happening. As soon as Bodhi uttered the question he knew he was doomed, he didn’t have a good enough excuse for her not to carry weapons every time they met. He certainly wouldn’t be allowed by others to care more for her safety than for the rebellion, and that meant she should do weapon runs.

However he would still ensure she wouldn’t be caught up in the middle of this mess, he had promised her safety, even in a world that offered none, he would be damned if he wasn’t at least going to try to keep his promise. “She’s going to deliver weapons right?” Bodhi narrowed his eyes, noticing his silence. “Tairn is the fastest, biggest dragon that we have, he can carry more weapons than you and I ever could.”

“Tell Cuir’s rider that if he insults me again I shall burn him to crisps.” Sgaeyl made an appearance in his mind.

“No, you wouldn’t. I would be sad.” Xaden swiftly answered.

“You would manage.” Sgaeyl scoffed.

Xaden delivered her message regardless. “Sgaeyl takes insult to what you said Bodhi.” His cousin widened his eyes which made him smirk. “I don’t know yet if Violet is going to do weapon runs, I haven’t spoken to her yet.” He simply said, not giving any more explanations. He wished Bodhi would drop the matter.

“Are you afraid she’ll sell us out? Don’t you trust her cousin?” He knew Bodhi was playing him, rilling him up by mocking his situation with Violet, which made him want to strangle him.

He would gain himself a new title, instead of “the traitor's son” he would become the kinslayer. It was just like Bodhi to refute his decisions by pointing out the inaccuracies in each of them with jabs. They weren’t supposed to hurt but sometimes they struck a nerve too deeply that made Xaden want to commit a crime against his only living family member.

His cousin and he used to fight a lot when they were younger, never seeming to get along no matter how hard their parents tried. Later on, it came to light that those disagreements had only strengthened their bond. As they grew older those fights faded into the back of their minds, what grew was their ability to rely on each other, and as a consequence, both were able to read the other and surpass each other’s limits better than anyone else.

Bodhi had a point, if Xaden didn’t trust Violet why would she trust him in turn? More than that why would the rest of them trust her if he himself could not trust her? Except Xaden did trust her, he just didn’t want her in danger, and that was something Xaden thought his cousin would be unable to understand. They had been taught that the revolution always came first, no matter what, and Xaden was on the brink of betraying the rule by which they had always lived.

Xaden was ready to admit to Violet and himself that he’d always put her first. However, if he admitted it to someone outside their bubble, everything could shatter, it would put her in an even more precarious situation. Not only would he never hear the end of being careless with his heart – which he didn't have the right to do, but also it would paint a huge target at Violet’s back. People would call her a liability and do their best to get rid of her, just so Xaden, “the heir apparent” could focus on the revolution alone, so he could get no distractions.

Violet had been the only thing in a long time he had given himself the luxury of wanting and pursuing, he would not give her up.

Garrick shot Bodhi a look as if to back off as if his cousin had overstepped, which he had, Xaden was glad his best friend could gather when Xaden was close to committing homicide. “It would be beneficial if Sorrengail could deliver weapons, that way Poromiel could have daggers from both Samara and Basgiath, and we could double our numbers.” Garrick turned to logic, as always.

Xaden was still not happy with the idea of Violet carrying the weapons to him.

“I will deal with my rider’s safety. Don’t doubt what my rider is capable of.” Tairn grumbled in his head, unwelcome as always. He didn’t doubt Violet’s strength to deal with the situation which was why he was still entertaining the notion of her flying with weapons at all.

“Tairn will take care of it.” That was all Xaden said and with that, the matter was settled. A plan formed in his mind. “They will probably search her things every time she flies out. Colonel Aetos will make sure that she leaves Basgiath only with what he allows. He knows that she knows and that’s enough to want her dead, which is not something I like.” He fixed his gaze on Bodhi. “She will deliver weapons but make sure Command doesn’t find them when they inevitably search her.” That was the only condition Xaden would not budge over, Bodhi had to make sure no harm would come to Violet, only then would he allow her to carry weaponry. If something were to happen to her because they found her involvement in it, Xaden would blame Bodhi. His cousin knew this and accepted his terms with a nod.

They heard footsteps and they became alert right away, switching the subject immediately, as they had done so many times in the past, it came naturally to them now. They hadn’t had any reason for it, it was only Imogen.

“There’s already three of us here Im, if we get caught we’re going to be interrogated.” Xaden told her without any preamble.

“Hello to you to Xaden. I’m fine thank you so much for asking.” Xaden rolled his eyes. “Everyone is or is about to get drunk and most marked ones have been together in groups of more than three since the war games, no one is going to suspect. Besides it’s not like they can see us from here.”

“Where have you been?” Garrick asked. Bodhi and Xaden both narrowed their eyes, his tone too suspicious to be a simple question. Xaden almost chuckled, jealously marred Garrick’s face.

“Napping.” Imogen swiftly answered, seeing right through Garrick. Xaden had an inkling she knew Garrick fancied her but was too dumb to realize it. He didn’t know why she didn’t act through with it, although he couldn't judge anyone, given how long it took for him to act upon his feelings for Violet. “What were you discussing?”

“Violet’s weapon runs.” Bodhi answered before he or Garrick could think of an answer. “What do you think of her?” He asked, not looking directly at Imogen, as if the answer didn’t matter to him.

Imogen lifted an eyebrow and smirked. “Speak plainly Bodhi, don’t talk to me in riddles.” Imogen ordered, she often got tired of both Bodhi’s and Garrick’s avoidances of dealing with delicate subjects.

“Do you think she’ll betray us? She seemed pretty close to the Princess.” Xaden huffed. Not this again, he couldn’t deal with his mistrust a single second more. He would understand it if she hadn’t fought with them at Resson, but she had saved all of them, this topic was starting to get under Xaden’s skin. She would never betray them, she never had even when she spotted them under the oak tree last year, he couldn’t say that however, it would open the door to questions he could not answer. “Don’t you think that’s weird?”

Imogen laughed, shaking her head. The three of them turned to look at each other stunned, Imogen was not one to laugh, much less when discussing serious topics. Instead of answering she turned to Xaden. “What do you think? Will she betray us Xaden?” She was studying him.

“She’s loyal to us.” Xaden gave the same answer he gave Garrick and Bodhi, with the same certainty he had told them.

Imogen nodded turning to Bodhi again. “Yes, she is. She is loyal to us. She lied to her own mother to cover our asses Bodhi, I don’t know how you dare to question her loyalty.” Imogen snarled, directing an angry look at all of them. He wondered what had changed for her to become such protective of Violet. “And if you didn’t know she was close to the Royal Family that’s your fault.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Garrick startled.

“I mean that if you talked to her you would have known. All of you would have.” She looked at Xaden when she said the last part. He met her stare straight on. “Last night, when we were camping and she was alone at camp I didn’t see any of you trying to approach her to see where her loyalties lay.” She pointed at Xaden. “I know you didn’t try to speak with her because you’re scared she’ll scream at you, but at least you told me to give her a chance and trust her.” She pointed at Garrick and Bodhi. “What have you tried to do to speak with her?” a pause. “I spoke to her and I asked if there was anyone else she knew in Command besides Aetos, her mother is who she is after all. And do you know what? Violet told me, she knows Melgreen, she knows the Royal Family, more intimately than any of you would imagine.”

“What does that mean?” Xaden’s jealousy came up, he remembered of how she and the Princess had spoken of Cam.

Imogen continued as if she hadn’t heard him “She knows the person in charge of every single quadrant, and even knows some Dukes, including the ones who rule Ruel. I know all of this because I talk to her instead of seeing her as an extension of Xaden.” She accused both of them.

Bodhi, not liking to have himself questioned, tried to defend himself. “I just thought it was weird–”

“Xaden was betrothed to Catriona, the niece of a Viscound who is the heir to the Poromish throne, but you don’t find that weird. We also know Royalty, but ours is outside the borders and hers is inside.”

“They still seemed good friends.” Bodhi continued, and Xaden was never closer to punching his cousin. He was being obtuse just because he refused to admit defeat.

She fixes her gaze on Garrick who has been quiet this whole time. “Do you trust Catriona?” Xaden huffed even if the question wasn’t directed at him, he hated her, and if he could he would’ve killed her when he ended the betrothal.

Garrick rolled his eyes “What kind of question is that? Of course I don’t, she’s unhinged. Matter of fact I don’t trust anyone from that family.”

“Of course you don’t, none of us do and yet we are still friendly with them.” She turned to Bodhi. “Tell me Bodhi do you trust any of Tecarus’ family?”

“You’ve made your point Im.” Bodhi said.

“Since when did you and Violet become friends?” Garrick asked the question it had apparently been unquietling his brain.

“We’re not friends.” Garrick lifted an eyebrow. “We’re not! Friends tell each other intimate stuff we don’t do that.” Xaden didn’t know what Imogen was talking about, seeing as Violet had told her about the Princess apparently, but surely in her brain, it must’ve made sense. “We respect each other and that’s enough for me to defend her. I see her as someone who is more than the General’s daughter and Xaden’s–” She paused and had a contemplative look on her face. “Whatever mess you guys are, and she sees me beyond my relic. Mutual respect.” She smiled at all of them. “Where are you two going to be stationed?” She asked giving them all whiplash from the subject change.

“Samara” Garrick answered, adapting quickly. “We’re leaving tonight.”

“I figured” Imogen said. “Do you need me to do any specific job this year?” She asked Xaden.

“Train the younger ones and keep yourself alive.” He had told her this last year as well.

Imogen rolled her eyes. “As if I don’t already do that.” She spared a glance at Bodhi. “Eya thinks they might try to attack us to ensure we don’t tell anyone what we saw.”

Bodhi nodded as if he had already thought about this too. “Well we’ll have to carry on as if nothing happened and we don’t have a clue then.”

“Aetos knows that we know doesn’t he?” Imogen questioned, her voice unwavering the tiniest bit.

Bodhi hummed. “Yes, he’s a problem.”

Xaden then said. “No one wanders alone, you’ll have someone always protecting your back.” It was better to be safe than sorry, if they wandered in groups the chances of them being attacked were lower.

 

“I’ll make sure the others know then.” Imogen nodded, ready to follow his orders. “I’m going to find Quinn, make sure you show your faces at the party, I don’t want to listen to Panchek bitch about the three of you missing again. It was enough last year, and I don’t have the patience to deal with him today.”

Garrick wasted no time in protesting. “Imogen–”

“It’s your last day here and there’s gonna be free drinks, show your face, drink a glass, and then you’re free to ride. Don’t make my life harder than it needs to be.” She said and she wouldn’t budge.

“We’ll go,” Xaden said, he needed to see Violet anyway, he was planning to go to the party already.

Bodhi and Garrick turned to look at him as if he had betrayed them, and maybe he had. He couldn’t care less. In less than 6 hours he would be flying to Samara, away from Violet and his future had never seemed more bleak. They could protest all they wanted for all he cared.

He watched the horizon, the sun lowering as various colors filled the sky. Today would mark his last day at the college, ready to be thrust into service of a country that did nothing but lie.

Not for the first time he wondered if all his sacrifices were worth it, knowing they would all be dead in a year anyway.

Notes:

I hate this chapter but I hope you don't <3

I never liked how Xaden handled the Dain situation so ofc i changed it. come find me on tumblr, just know that your comments are the reason why i keep writing so thank you so much

Chapter 5

Summary:

cw //

- mentions of underage drinking

- mentions of underage sex (it's consensual but it's implied younger woman x older man)

Notes:

besties !!! thank you so much for the support last chapter ?!! i'm still so amazed that you enjoyed it so much. i have reread your comments an OBSCENE amount of times, your encouragement is what gives me courage to keep writing !!

btw i had to change the tags there's no way this is canon compliant lmao

happy readings and i hope you enjoy this chapter <3

With all due respect, for a quadrant who throws an after-graduation party every year, there never seems to be enough alcohol available.

– A complaint sent by an anonymous caded to General Sorrengail’s office

She stood in the middle of her room, staring at the mirror near the window, and wondered why she was even bothering to get ready.

The dress she had chosen for the party felt wrong. Everything had felt wrong since she woke up from her nap after formation that morning. For one, her sleep had been an unquiet one, with glimpses of Liam’s death dancing behind her eyelids, Deigh falling from the sky, and Tairn’s tormented roar haunting her nightmares. She couldn’t shake the image of lifeless, gray fields – and that laugh – the high-pitched laugh the venin let out once she was stabbed.

Her afternoon had been filled with body tremors.

Every time she had woken up from her frivolous sleep, she had been trembling. Her breath irregulated, shallow, and rapid. The bottle of water she kept on her bedside table sat empty, for each time her eyes opened her throat had been dry and rough, sore from the screams caused by her nap.

In a morbid way, she had been glad for Amber and her little group of unbonded cadets that had attacked her last year. It’s what had led Xaden’s paranoia into action and made him ward her room. She was especially grateful because it was warded against sound, last year it had annoyed her, but now she sees it as her only salvation.

There would be questions if the whole second-year floor was able to hear her scream every time she fell asleep.

After giving up on her nap, when a particular nightmare depicted Xaden falling to his death instead of her, she focused on getting ready.

Violet did her best to mask her blue dark circles with the few makeup products she had in her possession. They mostly do their job, but nothing can mask the grief and sheer exhaustion she feels. Her muscles were stiff from the long flight, the nightmares and trembles hadn’t helped either. They had only intensified the discomfort of her body further.

Not only does Violet have to deal with the pain of not having Liam around, but she also has her body always ready to rebel against herself. As if she could forget she wasn’t made right, that she needed extra care to function – a care that wasn’t allowed in the quadrant she found herself in. A headache was already forming in her temple, maybe she would be able to escape the party earlier with an excuse. There had to be a positive side to her condition.

She had thought of skipping it altogether, but her squad had put an end to that thought before it could even begin.

Sawyer offered himself to buy her drinks, to the point where she had to remind him it was an open bar – the drinks were free and endless, or at least until the quadrant drained all the stock available. He achieved his mission however, he had made her laugh.

Ridoc had said earlier that she just needed to get drunk for her mind to accept that she had returned alive. She had survived her first year, she better celebrate what half of their year couldn’t achieve. She couldn’t spoil her night away by staying in her bed, curled in on herself.

“Don’t waste away your night Vi, let’s get wasted instead” Ridoc had said. He must have had that one locked up inside him for a long time, waiting to be used. She had even called him a poet, which had made him smile.

He took his part-time job as a stand-up comedian very seriously after all, it was nice to be recognized for his efforts once in a while.

As her mirror reflected her reflection back to her, she gave up, no amount of products would be able to hide the paleness of her skin or the blank look of her eyes. Even her undereyes refused to go away. There was no way she would be downstairs looking prettier than she was right now. Perhaps, it was meant to be, the year-end party was supposed to reflect their time during the year, or so the saying went. She had been on edge all year, waiting for someone to come and take her life or for her body to give up and fail her once and for all. Yet, none of those things had happened. She was meant to appear downstairs with the edginess she had felt all year and only as the night went on would she lose it. At least that’s what she told herself, least she’d end up crying due to her makeup not working out.

Truth be told, standing in front of her reflection she could admit that she didn’t feel like partying, but maybe Ridoc was right, maybe getting drunk was the sole answer to all her problems.

They would all need that escapism tonight.

He did a terrible job of masking how much he was hurt by Liam’s death, but at least he hid his pain better than the others, and yet, it was still not enough. In the few months that Liam was on her squad, he had wormed himself into their hearts, making himself indispensable to their dynamic. It was cruel to have someone so pure in their lives, only for Malek to rip him out from them.

How cruel were the Gods for taking the best of them away so soon, but, then again, maybe it was a small mercy. That way Liam could not see the fallout of everything he knew and loved.

Brennan had implied they didn’t have much time, and apparently, they didn’t even have a plan that didn’t rely entirely on Xaden bringing them weapons, as if he didn’t have enough to worry about already. The more Brennan spoke, the more Violet understood the whole picture, they would all die because neither side would forfeit their personal agendas and resentment. Navarre would keep lying, and the rebellion would keep acting under the radar, never having enough riders to make a difference because they were too scared to cause a scene, to stir rebellion from the inside.

If Violet was in charge, which she clearly wasn’t, she would’ve hunted both venin and wyvern and dropped their corpses on populated areas. A propaganda pamphlet dropped beside their bodies so the population didn’t have a lingering doubt about what they were seeing.

The rebellion believed they were infiltrating Navarre from within because they had the marked ones on their side. They were fools – all of them.

The marked ones were a part of Navarre as much as the fliers were, they would never truly belong due to prejudice. They needed to stir rebellion from the inside, where true power resided – the people.

She had heard King Tauri once say that the people held the most power, not Command. Sure, they had dragons, and they had military power at their service, but if the people wished they could cause a tremendous uproar throughout the whole kingdom. Unleashing the dragons on the whole of Navarre wouldn’t be effective, as Alic had suggested at the time unless you wanted to rule a kingdom of ashes. She didn’t know it at the time, but King Tauri had done the next best thing – he had kept the people uninformed, unaware, just as lost puppies who needed their mother to guide them. Uninformed people cannot stir a revolution.

It had been a smart move, Violet could admit.

It was baffling how no one in the rebellion saw they were doomed to fail due to their pride and fear. She understood that the apostasy had gone wrong, but if anything that had to have been the sign to push even further for the truth to come out. They were stalling, keeping themselves busy with fruitless things, so as to not face the inevitable.

However, no one had asked for her opinion, so she would keep quiet. She would stand by and watch everything she cared about burn to ashes, that seemed to be the only future ahead of her.

She could research how to raise the wards in Aertia, it would give them time if nothing else. It wouldn’t be enough to defeat the Venin, but it would be enough to give the Assembly time to get their head out of their asses.

All this to say, it was a blessing Liam was gone. He wouldn’t be able to see when the dark wielders inevitably came for them and killed them all. He wouldn’t be able to see how the Assembly discarded people based on their last name – the exact same thing Navarre did. He wouldn’t even be able to see the mess that she and Xaden were in right now, which she was sure Liam would have a strong opinion of.

It was a blessing that she could freeze Liam in time, separating him from the mess that was her current life. She could pretend that Liam had known nothing of the rebellion, keeping him in what she had entitled “life before War Games”. It was peaceful there, her biggest worry had been keeping herself alive and warm herself into Xaden’s life. Which given everything that had happened – was ironic.

If she allowed herself she could get stuck in the past, relieving that last day before they had flown in, before the events that had changed her perception of life forever took place. She couldn’t dwell on it, however.

If I look back I am lost.

When she entered her room she had been rotted in place, taken aback by how everything looked, it resembled something akin to a memory of a past life, but it had been no more than 10 days.

The dress she wore on Reunification Day still lay scattered across the bed, a wrinkled dress, turned from the inside out. She remembers the rush she had been in to get dressed for the final War Games. Given the shortened amount of time they had been given to get ready, she thought she would hang the dress once she returned. A tidy room had been the least of her worries at the time, making it out alive had been the only thing in her mind.

The ribbon she had used that day was thrown discarded inside the armoire, its door left wide open in her haste. Several daggers rested on the table, she had struggled that day to choose the best to leave with. She remembers her anxiety, not knowing where she would be sent, not knowing what game awaited her – if she only had known. In the end, no dagger she owned had been the right one, all of them useless when facing a venin.

What had struck her the most however had been Xaden’s jacket atop of her chair, perfectly laid. Looking back, it was simply pathetic the way she had carefully undressed herself of his jacket, as so not to damage it. His three-star rank the only thing that made the jacket more than a piece of black cloth. It had been so unusual for him to give her his jacket that day. “I can’t stand the thought of you being cold” he had said, now she realizes the gesture was him staking his claim on her back in front of the whole quadrant. Violet couldn’t understand why he had done it. He didn’t trust her and yet, here he was dressing her up with his jacket in front of everyone. These were the moments that left her confused.

Who shows such sense of ownership and belonging in public and yet every truth has to be ripped out of them by force? Xaden, apparently.

She hadn’t minded if people thought they were together then, and she wasn’t sure if she minded it now. It gave her protection against the other cadets if nothing else. No one would dare to cross Xaden’s path, it also gave her a broken heart, but she vowed to ignore it.

She wouldn’t return the jacket either way.

That had been the reason why she had implied to Dain that she and Xaden were together. No one would dare touch her if, on top of having two dragons, one of them being the second biggest dragon in Navarre, she also had the traitor’s son at her disposal. So many of the cadets feared him, she thought it a bit unfair, she was the one who wielded lightning after all, but she would gather all the protection she could to remain alive. Tairn had been the one who voiced the idea in the first place and she had agreed.

She had felt Xaden’s surprise in the courtyard when she had said it to Dain, but he didn’t dare question her. She was glad he didn’t, it would have been embarrassing had he done so. She hoped he didn’t think this meant she forgave him, in fact, she was still furious with him, for they still had a lot to work on. However their problems were to remain behind closed doors, she didn’t need the whole quadrant to know how her love life was faring.

Her thoughts drifted then to what went down before graduation started, where they had met the Princess. Her presence had soothed her as much as had worried her, Cam was coming to the quadrant, even after Alic’s death, and Violet was tasked with him.

“Power is a ladder, trust yourself only, watch your back. Riders fight, and soon you’ll be flying for the good of the continent.” had been the Princess’ words in Morraine. Violet couldn’t stop the ominous feeling that Alys knew what was going on beyond the wards, but those could have been interpreted as perfectly normal words, had Violet not seen what she had at Resson. She had also spoken them in a dead language, which only elevated her suspicions.

It was the reason why she had hidden it from Xaden. While her loyalty was to him, he was known to be ruthless when threatened, and if Violet’s suspicions were wrong she would only worry him for nothing. He would threaten the Princess to remain silent and get himself into a mess with King Tauri himself. Violet knew better than to let that happen.

She knew he had to be dying to interrogate her about Alys, there was no way he would fly to wherever he got assigned before he hauled her with questions. She was already dreading it.

She had told Bodhi, Garrick, Xaden, and Imogen that she knew the Royal Family since they were children. While that was true, it wouldn’t be until much later that her relationship with Alys flourished.

Dain was her friend when they were children, and even if they lived close by Royal children had duties and couldn’t simply play climbing trees with them. Although Cam always tried to escape at the end of each day to spend time with them, as he had always been a rule breaker.

Violet’s friendship with Alys was as complicated as it was precious. She had probably been the only person who had witnessed the darkest side of her, of how deep she could succumb to her misery and greed. Instead of abandoning her, Alys stood by her side, uncaring of the consequences — then again, it was hard to tell which of them was the most vile.

The Princess had been a great consolation after both Brennan and her father’s passing. At the time, the Princess’ mother had also passed away, not long after Violet’s own father, the official report showed that the death happened due to a fever. She and Alys had always found that hard to believe. Royals didn’t die of fever, they had menders at their disposal all the time.

The two of them had spent many nights theorizing the real cause of the King’s sister-in-law's demise, bordering on treason, and yet they had never reached a consensus.

Violet had attended the funeral, as she was one of the daughters of a high-ranking General. She remembers the Princess’s stained face, standing beside her father, who had not spared one look at his daughter for she resembled her mother too much. He could only watch the flames.

Later, Violet had heard rumors that the Princess had lashed out, unwilling to bend to the will of her father. “A rogue princess” she had heard some of the infantry men say, which had been bold. If she had ratted them out to her mother they would’ve been imprisoned for defamation of the Royal family.

The King had acted quickly, swiftly crashing those rumors, the Princess was adjusting to the loss, but no different than a girl in grief. That had been the tale told in an official missive.

However, unknown to most, King Tauri had sent his niece to be Lilith Sorrengail’s warden. As she was without a mother and her father was busy working in pro of the Kingdom, the King gathered that Alys needed a strong female influence in her life. The maids were doing the Princess no favor by abiding by her every whim.

It also wouldn’t be bad for Violet to have another sister – one closer to her own age – Mira had gone into the quadrant, and with Alys, she would feel less alone. The two could bond over their shared losses and common interests such as gossip and books.

They might have been young, Violet only 15, and Alys fresh out of her 16, but they knew it was all pretty words to mask the truth of Alys coming to the Sorrengail household. She was to be tamed, to learn from a clever mind how to behave and act as a Royal Princess. The King had too much to do to properly teach Alys, his brother was still dealing with the grief himself while still having constant fights with his only living daughter. The next best option had been Lilith Sorrengail, for the Princess had refused to go to Melgreen.

As easy as that, Violet had gained herself a new companion, at least until Alys's time as a warden was completed.

It was a time she took no joy in remembering. They were both hurting and the friendship hadn’t flourished out of anything pretty. They got in a lot of trouble, especially with Violet’s mother. During the day her mother would always be working, and during the first two months, she let them wander as their hearts desired. Violet still attended her classes with Markham, and Alys would be by her side sometimes, other times she would accompany the General in her meetings. For the most part, their nights were their own, unsupervised, uncaring, wild, and free, they decided to do as they pleased.

General Sorrengail did her best to ignore their escapades to the city, but even her impeccable self-control had snapped one night when they got home way past their hour, without notifying her where they had gone to. Looking back at it, it was naive of them to think Lilith Sorrengail didn’t know they were sneaking out every night.

It was five in the morning and her mother had been a pile of nerves, walking in circles around the living room, for she didn’t know where they were and if they were safe. She had screamed at both of them, more out of worry for the hour than the fact that they had been drinking. Violet never thought her mother would raise her voice to a member of the Royal family, but she did, she treated them both as if they were her daughters, both of them equals under her mother’s care. It had been the first time her mother had spoken to her after her father’s death where her tone had not been dismissive. Until this day Violet doesn’t know if Lilith Sorrengail would’ve shown the same level of worry had the Princess not been under her care. Violet lies to herself saying she would have.

That night her mother had put an end to their mindless wandering. If they were to go out to the city they would do it responsibly, and in a way that they suffered no threat of being unsafe. Alys had protested, the whole point of sneaking to the city was the feeling of freedom that came with having no guards following them.

Her mother had only lifted an eyebrow, amusement shining in her orbits, “Who spoke of guards?”

That’s when both she and Alys started to learn how to master the art of manipulation.

Violet hated remembering those days, as she had been a person she wasn’t proud of. The worst part is that she had enjoyed it, found satisfaction in it even. Every time a person she approached fell into her well-crafted trap, she felt victorious. Violet had grown to be scared of her power. This was why every time she had to lie she recoiled, it was why she had never lied to Xaden in the first place. She had not been a good person back then and she didn’t want to return to it, it brought many bad memories to the surface. It reminded Violet of how much cruelty was present in her blood, it reminded her too much of her mother.

It had been her that had taught them after all. “It’s for your protection” she had said, completely disregarding that they were only fifteen at the time, not knowing where both their feet landed and their identity as people. The lessons disrupted their sense of self, not knowing where their made-up character began and where their personal desires ended. Despite this, out of all the reasons Violet resented her mother, this wasn’t one of them. She had been right – the manipulation had protected them.

Rummaging through all the places that sold alcohol available in the city, they needed to make sure of two important things. She could still hear these rules in her mother’s voice: no matter what happens never give your true identity and never tell them your real age.

They would come to learn that with pretty smiles and clever words, they could bend the men at these places to their every whim. No one was smart enough to resist them, and should they ask for favors, they would instantly be satisfied. The secret was to make yourself look innocent enough but not entirely defenseless, in such a way that taking advantage of you would never cross their mind.

That summer both she and Alys found the pleasures of sex.

That was when Lilith Sorrengail dragged them both to Basgiath – more accurately dragged them both to her office – and made them have a conversation with Mira. Her sister had way too much fun explaining to them how to have safe sex, but better Mira than her mother. Her sister must have done a good job because none of them had ever had a pregnancy scare, Violet was sure her mother was grateful for that.

The late nights at bars and clandestine brothels in the city had helped not only to drown their grief but to alleviate the guilt they both felt.

Alys wasn’t a bad person, it was not her fault that she had to be manipulative to survive life in the Royal Family. Violet remembers countless nights when Alys would drunkenly confess about the burden of duty and the countless standards she had to uphold. Something she couldn’t do until she was married, so all the weight was just hanging around, ready to engulf her into collapse. The loss of innocence of girlhood hurt the most, a topic reserved for dark nights, whispers of how awful people they had both become.

Given everything that Violet had found out in the last week, her mother’s lessons might be the only thing that will save her life.

The irony of a Princess and a scribe-to-be becoming masters in the art of manipulation wasn’t lost on any of them. The world was cruel and they had learned the best way to take advantage of their limitations – Alys being in a place where she alone was expected to uphold a legacy, and Violet had a name to live up to despite her body limitations.

Alys had to weave herself into court manners and its schemes to appease the King, and Violet had to lie to survive life with her mother. They had never had such conversations sober of course, they were too vulnerable, and they didn’t trust each other that way, they were allies, not friends.

Dain never found out about their nightly escapades, at least that’s what they liked to believe in. If he did he never commented on it. He was too focused on his training to enter the quadrant, what two grieving young girls did at night was the least of his worries.

Two months before her mother told her she would go to the riders' quadrant Alys left to officially start her Royal duties. Her training under her mother’s guidance had been enough. She was to be married soon, a tour around the country to find the lucky Duke was to commence.

She still remembers the day they both said goodbye – right after the King himself had scolded them both. Somehow he had found out that both of them would wander to the city frequently. Violet had always suspected it had been Aidan’s big mouth that had informed one of the King’s guards. He never got over the fact that Violet hadn’t forgiven him for cheating on her – as if she held herself in such low regard.

The King had scolded them for their lack of commitment, sex wasn’t wrong – had been his speech – but sleeping around with different partners every night was. He had blamed Violet for their behavior because a member of the Royal Family could never have thoughts of their own when it came to controversial matters. Her mother had intervened on her behalf then, saying they had both been too young to know better, it was an insult to both of their intelligence, but better have that than the King scolding them further. The King had ceased his scolding but had warned her to not repeat this feat, or there would be consequences – Violet had understood what he meant by that.

In the end, her and Alys’ time together had ended in great fashion. Cam had laughed about it when they told him. He also promised to punch Aidan – Violet is not sure if he ever did, and she’s not sure she cares either.

Almost two years had passed since then and Violet found herself happy that Alys seemed happy with the upcoming marriage, it was the least she could wish for her companion.

A knock came on the door, she knew it was time to leave for the party. She had been so lost in her thoughts she hadn’t even noticed the time had passed. At least, these thoughts were not as daunting as her nightmares.

Rhiannon poked her head in her room. “Are you ready?” she held Liam’s letters in her hand.

Violet nodded grabbing the letters and hiding them in a drawer out of sight. “How do I look?” she asked Rhiannon.

“Like you’re expecting to get laid.” Her friend smirked, always the one to come through with the compliments. Then Rhi’s face softened. “But also terribly tired, are you sure you want to go? We can just cuddle in your bed and cry to sleep.”

Violet scrunched her nose. “No thank you. I’d rather get drunk, besides I’m sure Liam would despise that idea.” Her throat constricted at the mention of his name. She wasn’t sure if he’d be offended if they cried the whole night, Violet just wanted to avoid talking about him – her nightmares were enough torment.

She could see the concern on her friend’s face and usually, it warmed her heart to know she cared so much, but tonight it made her heart break. She was consistently reminded of how she had to lie with every breath she took. Last year the thought had been unfathomable, ready to distance herself from that behavior, away from her mother’s influence. She didn’t want to lie to people she loved, people who were important to her, and she loved her squad dearly.

She hated how easily a lie rolled out of her mouth. What did that say about the person she was? She wielded lightning, and she was her mother’s daughter, she was meant for destruction.

“It means you are made for survival. You feeling this way should show you exactly what kind of person you are. A less honorable rider wouldn’t feel bad or guilty.”

“I know, still it’s unpleasant. Thank you for trusting my integrity.” She knew Tairn would never accept her grateful words, but he must know it anyway. Sometimes she just needed words of affirmation, that she wasn’t the monster she felt she was. It helped remind her that she was no longer alone, she had her dragons beside her.

“You are my rider. I chose you.” was all Tairn said.

Rhiannon seemed as if she wanted to push further, but restrained herself against it. Instead, she chose to change the subject, although Violet wasn’t sure if she’d rather speak about Liam or that “How are things with Riorson? That was quite a show with Aetos earlier.”

Violet decided to gain some autonomy back and gave her a half-truth. “Things with Xaden have never been easy.” Rhiannon laughed, which made Violet crack a smile. “Dain did something he shouldn’t. His goal, I assume, was to hurt Xaden and, instead, hurt me in the process. That’s why I’m mad at him.” Rhiannon opened her mouth, seemingly to ask what exactly Dain had done, but then thought better of it.

Violet wouldn’t tell Rhiannon what Dain had done, not only was his signet classified and if she told she could get reprimanded for it, but it would lead to a lot of other questions that Violet didn’t have the luxury to answer. She would keep her squad in ignorance a little longer, just until she figured out a plan. Xaden be damned if he thought she would keep the reality outside the wards a secret from her squad forever. His friends knew what was happening, why had her friends to live in obscurity?

She would craft a plan, then she would teach them how to keep their shields up at all times, once Xaden taught her how to do the exact same. When she had everything figured out she would tell them. She could lie to the entire quadrant, Command included, but not to them. She had to have some truths in her life, something real to hold on to.

Violet returned to the present when Rhiannon said. “It has to do with his signet doesn’t it? His is classified, I gather it's dangerous.” Violet only nodded. “The bastard” she huffed which made Violet laugh. “You haven’t exactly answered my question about Riorson, Violet.”

Violet looked outside her window for the next information she would share, for it still hurt her heart. “Xaden is not an easy person to deal with, having a relationship with him it’s harder than I thought.” She wetted her lips. “He has spent so much time doing things on his own I don’t think he realizes what being in a relationship entails. He doesn’t share and honestly, I don’t even know if he trusts me too.” She added bitterly. She didn’t want to throw Xaden under the bus, that wasn’t her goal. If her best friend looked at what the whole quadrant believed to be her boyfriend with disdain their facade wouldn’t last long, but she could trust Rhiannon with some of her burdens. She couldn’t tell the whole story of course, but fragments of it she could budge.

Rhiannon thought carefully before answering. “You always knew it wasn’t going to be easy Vi.” Rhiannon started softly. “I think trust doesn’t come easy to him, you must know that better than I do. Give him time to prove himself, to prove that he trusts you.” She then smirked. “You also don’t have to share everything, he can get a taste of his own poison.”

Violet laughed relieved. “I was starting to worry you were taking his side.”

“Never” Rhiannon gasped, as if that was the most atrocious accusation Violet could have made about her.

Returning to a serious tone Violet said. “Please don’t tell the boys about this. Xaden and I have decided to keep the issues between us … private.” They had not decided that at all, they hadn’t even spoken after graduation, but Violet figured he wasn’t the only one allowed to make decisions without consulting her first.

“Of course.” Rhiannon smiled “Now let’s have fun” She grabbed Violet’s arm and dragged her to the party.

Reaching the dining hall downstairs, Ridoc, Sawyer, and Nadine were already sitting at the table, one drink in each hand. As they sat they passed them the untouched drinks.

From what Violet could gather, they were having a conversation about the benefits of being a second-year cadet. Ridoc updated them. “I heard they’re opening up Chantara for us again this year.”

“Where have you heard that?” Sawer asked.

“A scribe I slept with last year, she told me they’re lifting the ban. Apparently business is hard and they need more clientele, so they’re letting riders in again.” Ridoc explained.

“Well there’s something to look towards at least,” Nadine said. “We have free weekends now, so duty won’t stop us from having fun.” She smirked. “Maybe even some new pretty faces to take to bed.”

“It’s only a rumor, don’t get too excited.” Rhiannon chides in. “Besides” She pulls on one of her braids under her nose and furrows her brow like Panchek as she mock-lectures. “You know trips to Chantara are for worship only cadet.”

“I promise you my plans include a lot of worship.” Ridoc jokes, his tone an attempt of seduction which reduces the whole table to giggles. “I’ll even pay the God of Luck a visit to thank him for his guidance.”

“Don’t you mean you’ll pay a visit to Maponos?” Sawyer says in a whisper.

“Shh.” Nadine quickly shuts him down. “Are you crazy?”

Maponos is the name of what is considered a “false god”, there are certain deities in the history of Navarre that were proven to sin. This is because, as the myth says, people would pay their respects to them and yet, none of their requests would come to fruition.

This group of “false gods” is said to have been misleading the people, demanding tributes to the poor, and doing nothing in return for the act of worship. The mythology tells that Amari and Malek called for a council, for there was a need to discuss what the punishment of those who abused the humans would be.

These deities were: Maponos, the God of youth and virility; Divona, the Goddess of springs and rivers; Epona, the Goddess of fertility and protector of dragons; Alaunus, the God of prophecy; Sucellus, the God of wine and Sirona, the Goddess of healing.

The “false gods” were banished to a life of eternal exile, forfeiting their powers, and lowered to a position below the earth itself.

However, some priests say that it is still possible for them to accumulate power, once their name is invoked. It’s why it’s considered a sacrilege for someone to utter their name in Navarre, for fear of releasing them and making the “false gods” roam the earth again.

Violet had always diminished such stories as folklore, in her eyes there had only always been four Gods — Malek, Amari, Zihnal, and Dunne. However, until a week ago, Venin were supposed to be a myth as well, so Violet could only guess that the “false gods” stories had to be originated from some kind of truth.

“Are you going to turn me in Nadine?” Sawyer provoked, clearly all this was a joke to him.

“We should not test the Gods this way.” Nadine was a firm believer in indoctrination, it was only fair that she was offended.

Violet, to stop the situation from escalating further said. “We shall all send a prayer to Amari to ask for her forgiveness.” She shot Sawyer a look when he was about to disagree and that shut him up. She changed the subject, “Our visits to Chantara won’t be as regular as you think, we don’t have that much free time.”

Ridoc interjected, “We have weekends.”

“You’d see all the free time we gained if you weren’t planning on spending it all with a certain newly graduated Lieutenant” Rhiannon joked.

Violet huffed a laugh, grateful for her friend to go along with what she had told her in her bedroom. Insisting that they were together and not on bad terms. “I don’t even know where he’ll be stationed,” Violet mumbled so low no one seemed to hear beneath the noise.

“I’m also looking forward to the letters. I think that’s better than Chantara.” Rhiannon added, ignoring Ridoc's attempts to protest even if he agreed with her. “I haven’t spoken to my family in way too long.” She shared a smirk with Violet as she said this, as they had seen her family when they were in Montserrat.

Imogen and Quinn approach their table, bringing their own drinks with them. They settled and Nadine pushed the snack plate towards them. This action surprised Violet, last year she’d only have foul looks to offer to anyone with a rebellion relic. “They’re all traitors, we shouldn’t even be in the same room as them.” she had said last year. Gathering everything that Violet knew she hadn’t been wrong exactly, but there was so much more at stake than the fact that they were all betraying Navarre.

“I’ll never have to scrub another breakfast dish in my life, maybe that’s the best benefit of being a second year,” Sawyer declares, seemingly putting an end to the discussion.

“Being a second year is the best, you get the perks of surviving the first year, but without the responsibility of the third year.” Quinn quickly joins their conversation.

“The best is fraternizing outside of the quadrant” Imogen was smirking, which made her lip open again and bleed. “I hear they are opening Chantara for us again,” she mumbles as she grabs a napkin to stop the blood.

“That’s what we were talking about” Ridoc chimes in excitedly.

“Did you slit your lip while you guys were …” Nadine starts hesitantly, not knowing how to finish the sentence.

Violet sighed, she thought she could get through this party without any mention of the battle they had lied about to Command this morning. She doesn’t want to talk about it, not only because she’ll have to lie and she wants a few more moments of peace where she’ll pretend she doesn’t have to go back to the horrible person she was at fifteen, but also because she doesn’t want to relieve the battle.

She drowns her glass in one swing and doesn’t answer, letting Imogen handle this one.

“Yeah” she heard Imogen answer, she could feel her eyes on her, but doesn’t look her way until the glass was empty.

“I can’t believe you guys saw action,” Ridoc says, all humor evading his tone. “Not War Games, but actual action with gryphons.”

“It's not as funny as it sounds,” Violet answers dryly, wishing they’d get the memo and drop the topic.

“What was it like? If you don’t mind asking” Nadine dares to prod.

Violet thinks of ways to avoid replying, she has the thought of getting up to get more alcohol but Imogen opens her mouth.

“You want to know the truth?” Imogen’s tone is ruthless, with no sympathy or softening the blow. “It sucked, it was the worst experience of my life. If it wasn’t for Sorrengail and Riorson we would all be dead.”

Violet turns to look at her and Imogen meets her gaze unflinchingly, daring Violet to deny it. She can’t. She knows they’d be doomed if it wasn’t for her lightning. The outcome would’ve turned out even worse.

“And at least” Imogen continues. “We know what we’re going against once we graduate.”

Violet lifts her eyebrow, a bold move from Imogen to say it like that, but then again only Violet understood what she meant. She goes to the bar to ask for another drink, and when she comes back Imogen is lifting her drink and making a toast to Liam.

She can see that Nadine is exasperated, that’s the second time in half an hour she’s seen someone dishonor the Gods’s wishes. It must be dreadful for her, but currently Violet is not respecting Malek as much as she should, so she toasts with Imogen.

“Shouldn’t you slow down Vi?” Rhiannon asks worried when she sees her take down a huge gulp. She can sense the stares she's throwing her away, Violet knows Rhi noticed that she didn’t answer any questions about the battle.

“We just survived first year Rhi.” Violet whines. “Let’s drink until we fall.” As she says this she feels a tingling sensation in her scalp. She turns and as she had expected Xaden is in the far back of the room, speaking to Garrick. Their eyes meet and he lifts an eyebrow, an arrogant smirk marrs his face.

She notices he’s wearing his new flying leathers, ones befitting of a newly graduated lieutenant. He has come to say goodbye she realizes, he’d never come to the party any other way. Subconsciously she was counting on it, she should’ve seen this coming, he’s nothing if stubborn.

“Having fun?” Xaden whispers in her mind, trespassing her shields with annoying ease. She tells herself it’s due to the alcohol, but deep down she knows she needs to practice.

She narrows her eyes before turning back on the table, she grabs her drink and tells her friends. “I’ll be right back.” Despite her not wanting to, she needs to speak to Xaden, unfortunately, she’s still very enamored by him and doesn’t want to depart from him without at least a last word. If nothing else, it’ll help sell the narrative that they’re together. That’s what she tells herself so as not to feel guilty. But she knows that whatever they have going on, she wants to fix it, she just hopes he wants to as well, but she doesn’t have her hopes up.

“I hope not or you’ll ruin all my fantasies about him” Ridoc teases to rile her up.

“Quit fantasizing about Violet’s man.” Imogen mocks. She realized right away what the plan was, as soon as she heard Violet’s exchange with Dain in the courtyard. Since then she has been teasing Violet non-stop, it’s even more frustrating because Imogen knows what happened. Violet isn’t too mad about it, it feels like a private joke between her and Imogen, and it helps Violet’s narrative.

She rolls her eyes at her friends and approaches Xaden with glass in hand.

“Violet” Xaden says in a husky tone that reminds Violet of shared nights. She hates that she gave him power enough to know her.

“Hello Sorrengail,” Garrick says, and without looking Violet can tell he’s smirking. “Good job today.” She turns her head at him and meets his gaze head-on.

She tilts her head. “Not sure why you were expecting anything else,” she responds. “But thanks.” Garrick scoffs, she knows neither he nor Bodhi are her biggest fans, probably because of her mother. Which is really disrespectful, as Imogen pointed out, she’s the only reason why they’re all alive. She would like a little bit more regard, but she should know better. If her own mother and brother couldn’t respect her why should they? She’s not too worried about it, she has bigger things to worry about. If their mistrust was her biggest worry she would be able to sleep at night.

She looks at Xaden to find him with an even bigger smirk and a mischievous glint behind his eyes, she doesn’t remember the last time she saw Xaden with such a boyish expression.

"Gods, you two.” Garrick shakes his head. “Do us all a favor and figure yourselves. I’ll meet you at the flight field.” He smacks Xaden’s shoulder and walks off.

“Does your friend usually give his unsolicited opinion in matters that are not his business?” Violet asks Xaden seriously “As if he has the moral to talk.” she says as she rolls her eyes.

This genuinely makes Xaden laugh, and Violet feels a glint of satisfaction for achieving such. It doesn’t last long, when she realizes she’s smiling, she doubles it down and keeps herself in check. She’s angry at him, his laugh is not going to be enough for her to forgive him, even if it is lovely. “Garrick is an idiot,” he states the obvious. “How drunk are you?”

“Not enough.” Violet answers without missing a beat, and he huffs a laugh. “The Lieutenant rank looks good on you.” She notes, ogling his new uniform.

He smirks his self-satisfied smirk, “They’re not as different from the cadet ones.”

Violet lifts her eyebrow “Stop fishing for compliments.” she accuses him.

She notes two second-years, soon to be third-years, watching them closely and gossiping. She can’t fault them, she and Xaden are quite interesting to talk about. Besides, the whole display earlier was made so that people talked about them. Let people think they were together, maybe it would even reach her mother’s ears. The thought made her amused, she wondered what the General would think. Maybe she would see right through the lies and understand this was all a plot, Violet wished she wouldn’t, the satisfaction of irking her mother was too great to ignore.

She just wished the second-years were more discreet. Has the art of gossiping been lost?

“Walk with me?” Xaden timedly asks her, as if afraid she’ll say no. She knows she should do exactly that, but against her better judgment, she agrees to follow him.

On the way, he grabs his bag and shoulders it carelessly as if there aren’t two swords hanging off of it. A group of cadets standby near the announcements board, as if Pancheck hadn’t explicitly said the new orders would be only posted tomorrow. Dain, she notes, is among them, she wonders how he’ll react once he sees his name amongst the wingleaders. Happy and elated she thinks.

Despite everything she’s happy for him, he has worked very hard to be able to reach his level of efficiency. He commits himself to the codex and to his service of Navarre. A fierce warrior — it’s what he has always been. For her own sake, she tells herself he doesn’t know about what really threatens the continent beyond their borders. She wants to believe that he’d do the right thing if presented with a choice.

She’s angry and feels betrayed by him, but she knows that he still cares for her, just not more than he cares for the rules. He went to his father because he thought he’d catch Xaden and the marked ones in a compromising situation.

He had been right — they were all caught.

Emotionally, she blames Dain for Liam’s death. He read her memories without her consent, betrayed her trust and the consequences were bare for all to witness.

Logically she knew he was as much a victim as they all were. A pawn in Navarre’s games.

She knew it would take a long time to replace emotion with logic, so she only turned her head forward and ceased looking at Dain.

“You’re flying tonight, not tomorrow?” Violet asked, breaking the silence that had settled between her and Xaden.

“The new third-years love to move in fast, so they prefer wingleaders to vacant their rooms first.” He says as the announcement board leaves their view, as well as the people in front of it. “And I guess you’re not offering a place in your bed.”

Violet scoffs, quietly offended by his teasing tone “I can handle my drink, I am not that intoxicated” She sips her drink some more to prove her point. “I could offer my floor, but I don’t want you in my space tonight” she bluntly says, not sparing a second thought to his feelings. She is hurt and he needs to understand that, not make jokes about sleeping in her bed.

Xaden averts his gaze “I understand” Somehow, Violet doubts he does. “I’ll earn your trust back,” he says confidently and Violet doesn’t doubt he’ll try, but if he doesn’t compromise to her wishes he’ll fail.

She crosses her arms and sighs, “I told you earlier Xaden, I doubt you'll be able to be the open book I need for this to work.”

Xaden responds with an overconfident tone that tells her all she needs to know about how this conversation will proceed. “You don’t need me to be an open book. We’re allowed to have boundaries. If you want to know something you only need to start asking.”

Violet is sure he hit his head somewhere during Resson, or maybe, he’s just trying to mock her, because he can’t be this obtuse, can he? Boundaries exist in a relationship, that much is obvious, but you don’t hide your frustrations or your ambitions from your partner. You vent to them, you trust them enough to lean on them. Xaden does none of those things.

She would love to know some information about the rebellion, sure she would, but she also knows it’s not viable. Can’t he understand that’s not what she’s asking? It would be useful for her to know the most general parts, so as not to repeat what happened at Resson. She almost died because he hid something huge from her, and in return, she was unprepared to know how to act. However, she doesn’t need transparency on that front, or at least not as much as she needs it when it comes to his personal feelings.

What she needs is a middle ground. He can’t tell her everything he’s doing, but he can tell her what’s in his mind and his heart. She feels as if everyone knows him better than she does, and she’s the one he’s supposedly in a relationship with. How does that make sense in his head?

It would be great if she knew everything that was happening with the weapons and the fliers, but she’s also not delusional enough to think she has clearance enough to know that. She already knows they don’t have a concrete plan, and that they have a wardstone. She suspects Brennan didn’t even realize what he was telling her at the time.

Xaden wants her to ask, but how can she ask if he doesn’t start by giving something away? How can she ask about things that don’t even cross her mind? It would have never passed through her head to ask about venin before Resson, why would she? They were supposed to be fictional. She did ask about himself, and he had cut her off.

A relationship is not an interrogation, that’s not how normal people talk to each other. Xaden has friends, he should know that.

“You’re not listening to what I’m saying,” Violet spats, frustrated. Xaden only focuses on his interpretation of what their relationship requires and ignores her wishes.

“I am listening to you. I won’t be a completely open book because it puts you in danger, but I can tell you most of the things you want to know.” By looking at his eyes she can tell he’s begging her to understand. Unfortunately for both of them, she doesn’t, so she ignores what his eyes tell her.

“Are you being daft on purpose Riorson?” She snarled. “I need honesty. That’s what I’m asking you, a very simple request that you’re denying me, and yet you have the nerve to say you’re listening?”

He takes a deep breath “I will fight for your trust back, but you also need to help me in here. You are not the only one who gets to make rules in this relationship.”

“Fight harder then.” A pause. “Two can play this game Xaden, If you want me to ask about things I’ll make you the same rule.”

She’s certain he’ll deny it until… “Okay, it’s only fair.” She’s taken aback, Violet is sure he doesn’t really realize what all of this entails. He won’t know half of what happens with her, and vice versa, because they’ll never know the right questions to ask. She won’t ask every time she sees him if he’s feeling down for example, or if he got sick. That’s not how this works, but Violet makes a compromise. She’ll wait to see how long he can make it until he loses his patience and breaks this childish rule.

Suddenly Violet sees him straighten and his expression harden, subconsciously she does the same thing. She chances a glance behind her, Colonel Aetos is approaching, accompanied by a rider that has the rank of major in his jacket.

“Riorson. Sorrengail.” The Colonel’s mouth quirks into a sarcastic smile. “So lovely to see you both tonight. Leaving for the Southern Wing so soon Riorson? The front will be lucky to have such a capable rider.” His expression is one of delight as if he’s expecting him to die while at service. The thought makes Violet’s stomach twist.

She reaches for Xaden mentally, where she controls herself not to scream and frighten him, “The front?” she glowers.

Xaden is quick to defend himself. “He interrupted us before I could tell you.”

“Do you make it a habit of lying to yourself?” She mocks him and feels his frustration through the bond.

“I’d say I’ll be back before you can miss me,” Xaden smirks at the Colonel as if they’re not fighting through their bond, “but word has it you pissed off General Sorrengail enough to be reassigned to a coastal outpost.” He seems way too satisfied with himself with that information. However, Violet feels herself freeze. If Colonel Aetos is leaving, someone else will take his place — someone she doesn’t know, someone she’d have to learn all over again, their mannerisms and tactics alike.

“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, that way you’ll always see the knife coming.” — Another lesson from her mother.

She did wonder how Xaden got his hands on this information.

The Colonel stutters, “I might not be here, but you won’t be as often, either. Only once every fortnight, according to your new orders.”

She feels Xaden’s surprise through the bond, as he must feel her own. If he’ll only be in Basgiath twice a month the dragons won’t be able to cope with each other’s absences. She doesn’t even dare reach for Tairn.

The man beside the Colonel reaches for the inside pocket of his jacket and pulls out two perfectly folded missives. The smile he directs at her is cruel and cold and despite her efforts to remain unaffected, it still sends a shiver down her spine.

“Where are my manners?” The Colonel says, his eyes hungry for a victim to feast upon, “Violet, this is your new vice commandant, Major Varrish. He’s here to tighten the ship, as they say. We seem to have gotten a little lax with what we allow around here. Naturally, the quadrant’s current executive commandant will still see to operations, but Varrish’s new position only answers to Panchek” That had been a very non-subtle way of saying the Major was here to spy on her, and if she deduced correctly, also on those who were with her in Resson. A Major who answered to no one but Panchek, this year had gone from bad to worse. Panchek didn’t usually interfere with students' affairs, she had a feeling Varrish would be different.

Violet, doing her part, extended her hand and replied in the civilized tone her parents had taught her. “Cadet Sorrengail” she introduced herself, she didn’t want the Major to think he could call her Violet. From his smirk, she could tell he got the message. “The General’s daughter.” She wasn’t above using her mother for rank, she just thought it unnecessary to do so most of the time.

“Fascinating. I’d heard you were too fragile to survive a year in the quadrant.” Varrish remarks, his tone low and menacing. He looks her over, from the tip of her hair to her well-worn boots, eyeing each visible dagger carefully.

“Well…” Violet replies. “Someone lied to you.” It was getting tiring having people doubt her abilities at every corner.

Xaden reached for the missives in Varrish’s hands, careful not to make skin-to-skin contact. She could see a slight lift on the corner of his lips, the only sign of amusement to what she had said. He gave her the envelope with her name on it, she had seen this calligraphy before, many times on her mother’s table, it was from General Melgreen.

“Cadet Violet Sorrengail is herby given two days of leave once every fourteen days to be used only to fly with Tairn directly to and from Sgaeyl’s current duty station or location. Any other absence from classes will be considered a punishable offense.”

Assuming Xaden’s missive said the same, they would only be able to see each other every seven days. Tairn and Sgaeyl had never been apart for longer than three. Command would put the dragons in near-constant pain.

She chanced a nudge against her bond with Tairn, his only answer was to roar in her head, he was furious.

“Dragons make their own rules,” Xaden said, finally breaking the silence. If Tairn was angry she could only imagine how Sgaeyl, who from what she had understood so far since bonding with Tairn was the greedier out of them both, was feeling.

“We’ll see about that” was all Colonel Aetos said. This time she heard both Tairn and Sgaeyl roar, making their distaste known, she was sure Xaden had heard them too. “You know, I remembered something since our last conversation.”

“And what would that be?” Xaden exhaled exasperated, his boredom clear on his face.

“Secrets make for poor leverage. They die with the people who keep them.”

For a moment everyone is quiet, even the party sounds seem to have ceased, for Violet’s brain can only replay the words the Colonel just uttered. She meets his gaze unflinchingly, unafraid. He wasn’t this brave when facing her mother, he knew he no longer held power in here. To him, she was untouchable. Her worry was his friend beside him, she was certain Major Varrish would do anything in his power to ensure the threats Colonel Aetos posed weren’t in vain.

Xaden once again is the one who answers “Good thing we’re not keeping secrets.”

The Colonel hums, “Do be careful who you share your war stories with, Violet. I’d hate to see your mother lose either of her daughters.”

Almost instantaneously, fury rises in Violet and thunder blows in the sky, no lightning reaches the ground but both Aetos and Varrish understand the message: she’s not defenseless. She can see Xaden tense up, his shadows ready to extinguish any fire she may cause.

“I’d be careful if I were you Colonel” Violet seethed, her tone low, if she spoke any higher she’d end up screaming, looking hysterical. “One might think you just threatened one of Navarre’s most loyal and successful riders. The daughter of a high-ranking General no less.” She sees the Colonel rub his hands together, a clear sign of discomfort, as she prepares the final blow. She smirks “I would hate if this reached the King’s ear. It would be truly a shame if he heard whispers that someone means to attack the person who saved an entire outpost while steadily holding the enemy line.”

Colonel Aetos visibly takes a step back, seemingly remembering who stayed with her throughout her teenage years. Both Xaden and Varrish have their gaze fixed on her. Finally, she smiles, “Goodnight Colonel, have a safe trip to your new outpost.” To preserve some of his dignity the Colonel mumbles some comparison to her mother and then they make a swift exit.

As soon as they’re out of earshot Violet lets herself be consumed by the anger that has been threatening the surface since the Colonel threatened her sister. Energy crackles throughout her skin, burning her inside out.

Xaden takes her hand and leads her outside the courtyard, to a more secluded place, where no one can see them. She can discern he’s talking to her, but his words don’t breach her brain, she feels foggy and full of power.

When she can’t hold it any longer she releases his hand, lest she burns it, and allows the energy to flow through her. The sky erupts in a dazzling display of thunder and light. One. Two. Three consecutive lightning bolts pierce the atmosphere, illuminating the darkened landscape and sending shockwaves reverberating through the earth.

“I need to learn to control that” she murmurs, staring at her shaking hands. She reminds herself of the conduct Felix gave her, which is still stored in her bag. She needs to reserve time to practice or she’ll end up burning Basgiath down.

She turns to Xaden suddenly angry “Southern Wing? You chose the front Xaden?” she shouts, she doesn’t know if she’s taking her frustrations left by Colonel Aetos and Major Varrish on him, if it’s her worry for him talking or if it’s because she’s upset he didn’t tell her earlier. She thinks it’s a combination of all three.

“There was no choosing Violet, I was just handed out the orders” his voice unusually calm, a clear contrast to her anger. “It was either Samara or Montserrat and from what I was told the Princess chose it.”

The Samara outpost was a nine-hour flight, and they only had the weekends to see each other. Even if they left on Friday night they would only reach their destination on Saturday and had to make the flight back on Sunday Morning to arrive Sunday night to their designated outposts. Violet’s joints were already protesting just thinking about the effort of each flight.

Violet would deny it if questioned but his soothing tone managed to calm her down, still, she groaned. “They’ll only have hours before either of us has to make the flight.”

Tairn was going to be in a constant mood this year and she didn’t know if she had the patience to deal with him.

Xaded noded. “Yeah, Sgaeyl is pissed.”

“I figured, Tairn is too” The bond with Tairn was sealed shut, she was secretly glad, his emotions too strong for her to deal with right now. In the back of her mental archives she feels Andarna not yet asleep as she should be, but spying on her conversation with Xaden. She must’ve woken up a few minutes ago, perhaps with the lightning, for she wasn’t awake during their encounter with Varrish and Aetos. She almost wants to laugh, a noisy teenager indeed. “Go to sleep Andarna,” she tells her in what she hopes is a soothing voice.

“And miss all the drama?” she replies with a yawn, settling into sleep as soon as she finishes her sentence.

“May I ask you about Princess Alys?” Xaden carefully asks her. Violet looks up at him and studies his expression. It looks as if asking that simple question has left him in pain, and she understands the feeling, she should say no just as he did to all of her questions last year. However, she wants to fix this relationship, no matter how much she thinks he doesn’t, and throwing guilt around won’t be the answer to their issues.

She doesn’t want to tell him everything that went down with Alys, not yet, and maybe not ever. Even thinking about telling him of that time leaves her on edge, she can’t help but wonder: will he leave? This train of thought makes her a hypocritical, demanding honesty from Xaden while not giving him the same. She ignores her brain for tonight and tells herself that it is not the same.

Her relationship with Alys is something huge, Xaden hasn’t given her a fragment of what she’s given him.

She notices her drink in his hand and furrows her eyebrows, “Why do you have my drink?” then realizing that she had only answered Xaden’s question in her head and not out loud “And yes you can ask.” trying to appear nonchalant.

“You were burning up because of the lightning, I didn’t want you to hurt yourself by shattering the glass.” He gives her the drink back and she takes a small sip, “When and how did you become friends?”

She smiles, of course, he would ask the questions that she didn’t want to answer in full truth, but she decided to give him what he always gave her — a selective truth, “We met when I was fifteen, after my father and her mother died.” She drank some more, this time a bigger gulp, “The short story is that my mum warded her, took her in, at the King’s request, and by proximity we became allies, if not friends.”

Xaden prods further “And the long story?”

She lets out a hollow laugh and draws a boundary. “Not tonight” she whispers. She wonders if he’ll let the subject go, if he’ll trust her enough to know that she’ll never betray him, but that she also can’t give him this detail about her life. Surely he’s dying to know the full story, she’s certain that he won’t respect his own rule about boundaries existing within a relationship, but she wants to believe otherwise so badly.

He, as always, surprises her, “Alright. Not tonight.” he smiles at her, and she’s grateful.

She sees Garrick hanging nearby, meaning it’s time for them to leave. Her time with Xaden is over.

She’s quick to change the subject, lest this becomes an emotional conversation, “Be careful in Samara.” she urges.

His smile is gentle and compassionate, “I’ll have Garrick with me, you don’t need to worry.”

“I still don’t know how you ended up at the same outpost.” When Violet had known she had been surprised. She would’ve thought that Command would separate the marked ones once they were called into duty. She couldn’t help but think this had to be another ploy and that there was a trap hidden beneath it.

“That's what Bodhi said” He looks as if he wants to reach out for her but thinks better of it. His hands close in a fist, and his jaw clenches. “Listen to me, don’t involve yourself in whatever Bodhi and the others are doing.” his tone almost desperate.

She rolls her eyes, her tone turning icy “Don’t worry I’ll keep myself out of your way” he had to ruin his departure.

“That’s not what I meant. It’s dangerous and you don’t have a rebellion relic to hide yourself from Melgreen. Besides, from that display earlier it is safe to say you’re being watched.”

She’s careful that her next words are heard only by him, “It’s safe to say all of those who were in Resson are being watched.” but she had to give him reason with the rebellion relic. “But fine, I’ll leave your cousin alone.” She had plans of her own anyway, she couldn’t worry about what Bodhi was planning, as long as it didn’t involve her safety.

Xaden takes a step closer to her, still refraining from touching her, “Just so you know I warded your room” he tells her, “If you want to let anyone in just tell them to grab your hand.”

She furrows her brow, “When?”

“Before I made my way to the party. I knocked but you already had left.”

“You didn’t warded it just for you and me?” She asks sarcastically, that was something he’d be bold enough to do.

The smile he gives her is sad, “It’s your room Violence.”

She thinks about teasing him about bringing infantry men to her bedroom but thinks better of it. Both of them are having a civil conversation, she’s angry at him, and he’s being an annoying asshole, but they’re not outright fighting. She won’t ruin the mood with a childish unnecessary comment. “So I can bring in my squad? Even Ridoc and Sawyer?” she asks to be sure.

“Yes, you can.”

“Thank you for telling me” she adds approvingly, he didn’t tell her in Aretia, but he told her here, even small she can see the growth.

“Of course.” He pauses and looks at her, observing her as if it’s the last time. “I’ll miss you.”

She avoids that conversation, “That’s the alcohol.”

“I didn’t drink Violence.” he smirks, “I’ll see you in seven days.”

“Have a safe flight, and please Xaden don’t go around picking fights and making your life harder than it needs to be,” she warns him one last time.

“I won’t” he says and they both pretend they believe it.

She doesn’t delay him any further, he turns to Garrick and they both head towards the flight field. As she stares at his back it hits her that he won’t be here. She won’t see him eat across the hall, or even exchange jabs at Battle Brief. He’ll be a nine-hour flight away where not even their dragons will be able to communicate across the distance.

He’ll head into unknown territory where every single one of his moves will be evaluated and cautiously observed. He'll have to prove himself all over again and watch his back at all times. If he thought he had enemies inside Basgiath, in the outposts is even worse. In a way, she’s glad he has at least one friendly face in Garrick.

Looking at the moon she sends one prayer to Amari, may she look after him. And if she sends a silent prayer to Epona, the protector of dragons, to protect him on his journey no one needs to know.

She just hopes that wherever he goes, he returns to her safe and sound.

Notes:

so clearly I love making lore up that doesn't actually matter to the story but anyway did you enjoy this chapter?? Love writing Violet's POV so much while taking a completely different approach than canon.

I know nothing really happened in this chapter but i really hoped you still had a good time !!

I reread their dialogue in the courtyard while I was writing this chapter and was reminded of how much I hated it ... so that was a fun experience.

Xaden and Violet's ability to talk so much and still miscomunicate had to be my fav part of writing this.

find me on tumblr I swear it's all over the place and very chaotic but I share snippets and my writing process sometimes

Chapter 6

Summary:

cw // it's the parapet, people die

To cross the parapet in your first year is easy, but watching countless, younger candidates lose their life to it makes you understand the cruelty of the quadrant. Don’t watch if you can help it.

— Page Eighty-Four, The Book Of Brennan

Today was a day of death.

Conscription day had finally come, a wave of new candidates were to arrive and either survive or die trying, but first, they had their first challenge: The Parapet. Violet would be sending them off, either to conquer or be conquered.

She needed to make sure both Sloane and Cam got on her squad, but she had yet to see Dain since she arrived. He had been busy with his duties but she needed to recruit his help. At least, she hoped he would do her will and not make her life unnecessarily harder. She would even try to be nice, her anger at him was not more important than their safety.

Violet was apprehensive about this whole ordeal, she wasn’t sure where he’d be stationed. He might not even be able to assign them accordingly, but Violet was sure he at least had friends who would do that favor for him.

She knew Dain would put Cam with her whether she asked for it or not, but Sloane was a different story. She was already dreading the conversation, hoping he wouldn’t ask any questions. If he even tried to talk to her about what had happened, especially about Liam she was sure she wouldn’t behave. Just thinking about it made her temper rise and today was a day where she couldn’t lose control.

She’s currently walking with her squad to a meeting with the whole second year, across all wings. It was an odd request, she had never heard anything similar and her instinct was telling her it couldn’t be good. They had been informed it was an Orientation class, but classes didn’t start until after the Parapet and there had been nothing on their schedule that suggested an extra class before the term started. Violet had a feeling they were walking willingly into a trap and there was nothing she could do.

She ignored her instincts for now, certainly, the quadrant wouldn't kill them all right before the crossing of the Parapet.

“I’m telling you it’s more work for us” Ridoc kept saying, “they pretend that second year is all about not having any responsibilities…”

“Speak for yourself” Rhiannon protested, she had been promoted to squad leader and they all got so drunk in celebration that they all fell asleep in her bed. Tara had been very amused when she found them out the next morning.

Rhiannon had been the perfect choice for squad leader, she was the only one who could reign the chaos that was their squad. She had been worried Violet wanted the position, but she would be flying week in, week out to Samara, besides she was too reckless to be a leader anyway.

Ridoc ignored her “But it’s all about the hidden responsibilities.” he tried to convince them, “You’ll see it’ll be something like cleaning the claws of dragons or something. It’s why so many die during second year.”

“Of all the reasons you could’ve come up with, you land on cleaning a dragon’s claws?” Sawyer drawled, his expression a mix of amusement and bewilderment. Ridoc shoots him an annoyed look, which prompts Sawyer to burst into laughter. Ridoc was clearly sleepy, hence the reason he couldn’t come up with anything better.

“Maybe it’s just a meeting for them to explain to us what to expect from our second year” Rhiannon added, after Sawyer stopped laughing.

Ridoc huffs “They’ll say the same thing they said last year: Don't die, as if any of us came into the quadrant expecting to be dead by the end of it.”

“Didn’t you?” Violet questions “I certainly thought I wouldn’t last my first year”

Sawyer answers for Ridoc “It’s different for you, your mother made you come here. And while we always knew it was gonna be dangerous, they could at least try to give us any advice instead of just saying the obvious.”

“And make our life easier?” Violet asks sarcastically, raising an eyebrow at Sawyer.

Sawyer purses his lips, “I hate it when you make a good point.”

They made their way inside a room they’d never been to before. It was located on the third floor that was used for Orientation. In all her years of training to be a scribe, no book could explain what this class consisted of. All it said was that it was field exploration with challenges along the way, those challenges were never specified. Violet remembers asking Markham about them and not even he could have told her, it was one of the classes that the riders remained purposefully elusive about.

They sat in the seats assigned for fourth wing, flame section, which was on the right side of the classroom. The disposition of the seats was U-shaped, which made them face first wing. It was unusual for a classroom to have this arrangement, usually they needed to pay attention to the teachers, at the front, not to each other. Groups of people started filling the classroom the closer they got to the chosen hour.

Nadine had left the dorms before any of them, and yet was the last one to make it. “I’m finally here.”

“What happened to your hand?” Rhiannon asked worried, noticing the wrap encircling her left pulse all the way around her fingers.

“It’s embarrassing, I tripped down the stairs and landed on my hand. I went out earlier in search of Nolon but apparently, he’s full to the brim.” Nadine sighed.

“He didn’t have a small opening to mend a simple broken hand?” Violet questioned surprised, “It’s quite simple and quick to mend.” She knew it from experience, she had broken or dislocated her bones too many times throughout her life to not know this information.

“After War Games he’s been working non-stop, besides, infantry also had their final test and I suspect they’re also requesting Nolon’s services.” Ridoc justified.

“Go figure” Nadine exhaled, “It’s more annoying than anything, it doesn’t even hurt that much but it’s a lingering pain that doesn’t go away and it’s pissing me off.”

“Didn't the healers give you anything for the pain?” Sawyer furrowed his brow, confused, usually, the healers would give something to hold off the pain until there was an opening.

“Everything they offered me would make me groggy and today is Conscription day, so I refused” She explained.

“I have some mild painkillers” Violet offered, “I take them sometimes when the pain is too much to get through the day. They don’t make you sleepy, but the muscles become more relaxed.”

Nadine seemed to think of the offer, “I’ll see how the pain behaves, if it becomes too much I’ll tell you.” it was then that she seemed to take a look at the classroom, “I’ve never seen this room before, what exactly are we doing here?”

“No one knows yet” Rhiannon answers. “I assume it’s a briefing about our second year”

“We deserved a break just like the other quadrants, it’s hardly fair that we have to get accustomed that we’re second years now without any break in between,” Nadine complains.

“I’m still recovering from the last six-day break I had away from here” Violet jokes. The faces of her squad fell, and concerned looks turned her way. She immediately regretted the words that left her mouth, “It was a joke guys, you don’t need to take everything I say seriously.”

Rhiannon softly says, “I’m here if you need to talk”, Violet hated that tone. She didn’t need to talk, she was perfectly fine and copping quite well if you ask her. The nightmares are a normal part of healing, and if she’s been drinking more than normal, no one needs to know.

“Good morning second-years.” A tall rider enters the classroom and shuts the door behind him. Violet is grateful, she’s not sure she would’ve been able to answer Rhi without lashing out and her best friend didn’t deserve that. The room quiets as the rider makes his way to the center of the room, between the tables. “I am Captain —” he hesitates, and clears his throat, scratching the trim beard that’s a shade darker than his light golden skin “Professor Grady. And, as you can tell, I’m new this year and getting used to the whole professor title, as well as being around twenty-one-year-old kids again. It’s been a while since I’ve been in the quadrant”

Violet remembers her mother mentioning him a few times. He was excellent at his job, which from what Violet had gathered, consisted of planning surprise attacks on their enemies. Violet also knows he worked on the questioning of the leaders of the apostasy.

“Congratulations on living through your first year.” Professor Grady continued, turning his head slowly, his gaze raking over every single person in the classroom. “There are eighty-nine of you in this room. From what the scribes tell me, you are the smallest class to walk this hall since the First Six.”

“That’s comforting” Ridoc murmurs.

“Fewer dragons are bonding.” Violet says to Tairn, “Is this due to the dark wielders?”

“Yes” he simply answers.

“And how is having fewer riders the solution?” she asks confused.

She hears Tairn huff, his patience less than tolerable after five days without Sgaeyl. He told her yesterday he was only refraining from flying to her because Violet would be the one to get punished. “The Empyrean is divided, some think we should stay out of it.”

“The Venin threat your breeding grounds.” Violets adds perplexed.

“That’s what the ones who want to get involved say. Humans aren’t the only ones keeping secrets.”

She internally rolls her eyes, the dragons and their mysterious secrets were something out of her reach and understanding and yet, it still annoyed her. There was a very simple solution to all of this, or at least the beginning of one. Which was exposing the truth and working together with the fliers. However, she would never question a dragon, or at least, she shouldn’t.

“…But the second year brings its own challenges,” Professor Grady continued with the class while she was talking with Tairn. She has missed the last three minutes of what was said. “Last year, you learned how to ride the dragons who chose you. This year, you’ll learn what to do if you fall off. Welcome to Rider Survival Course, or RSC for short.

The name was unfamiliar to her, and it seemed it was the same to the rest of the class, for as soon as the Professor finished his sentence, a low murmur started spreading throughout the classroom.

“What is that?” Ridoc and Sawyer asked at the same time, turning to her.

Violet shrugged her shoulders, “No idea.”

“Shouldn’t you know?” Nadine asked.

“Riders have always been vague about Orientation,” she whispered.

Professor Grady smiled, “Don’t know what it is?” he swiped a look across the class, “That’s good, it means our tactics work.” he joined his hands as if in clapping, “RSC is kept classified so we get your genuine reactions to the situations at hand.”

“What kind of situations?” A cadet from the Second wing asked.

“RSC will teach you how to survive if you become separated from your dragon behind enemy lines. I can’t tell you exactly what those situations entail, but it prepares you for extreme situations such as capture and navigation, in the case of you getting lost from your riot. It’s a staple of your second year, culminating in two full evaluations you must pass in order to continue at Basgiath—one in a few weeks, and the other around mid-year.” He explains.

Violet feels herself freeze, if these classes will prepare them for scenarios in which they’re hostages, how will they ensure their success? Are they all going to be interrogated? And if yes what kind? Once again she’s reminded of her mother’s words, Professor Grady was present in the questioning of Fen Riorson and his supporters.

It doesn’t take long to put the pieces together, understanding dawns on Violet.

He’s here to break them, and it’s not a coincidence that they’ve brought their best interrogator to Basgiath right after Resson, even if he’s here only as a teacher. Violet possesses secrets that could get a lot of people killed. It’s not a matter of whether she can survive this year, it’s a matter that she has no other choice but to.

Caroline Ashton raises her hand, “What precisely does ‘around mid-year’ mean?” she questions with all the smugness she possesses. Violet suspected she and Jack Barlowe hadn’t been just friends, but also lovers. If her suspicions were true, it says a lot about her character if that was the person she was taking to bed. Violet knew for sure that if Caroline had the opportunity she would kill her without hesitance.

“You won’t know the precise date,” he answers, lifting his brows. Caroline huffs, sitting back in her seat. “And I won’t tell you, no matter how many times you roll your eyes. No professor will because quite simply—we want you surprised. But we also want you to be prepared.” He then offers one of his kind smiles that don’t seem as inviting as when he first introduced himself. “You’ll face your trials at any time, taken from any place in the quadrant.”

“You’re going to abduct us?” Nadine asked horrified.

“Yes,” the Professor responded calmly, “you never know when you’re going to be captured, and again, we want you to be prepared no matter the situation.”

“And in our bedrooms? When we sleep?” A cadet from Third wing barked, clearly affected by the information they were being given.

Professor Grady shrugs, “It’s a possibility. We only emulate realistic scenarios.”

Violet thanks Amari Xaden warded her bedroom, while the rest of Second year has just lost their only safe space in the quadrant, she has the blessing to keep it.

All around the room the faces of her fellow cadets are a mix of apprehension and fear. She pities them, it is not fair that they can take their only safe place from them. She also knows this is a death college, and life here was never going to be easy. Sometimes you need to play dirty to survive, and that was exactly what Violet was doing by having her room warded.

“As if surviving here isn’t already hard enough, we can’t even sleep in peace.” Ridoc murmurs low enough for only their squad to hear.

The Professor continued, “The other assessors and I will give you feedback during those trials, so by the time your full evaluations come around, you’ll be able to withstand…” he thought carefully of his words “everything we’ll put you through.” Looking at their appalled faces he added “Don’t be so scared, as long as you don’t break during the interrogation portion, you’ll do just fine.

“And if we break?” Rhiannon dared to ask.

His expression fell, “Don’t.”

– xx –

After the class with Professor Grady, they were given free time until the arrival of the new candidates. Her squad decided to hang out in the dining hall, but instead of joining them, she opted for flying. Tairn was always ready for her and, although he would never admit it he needed it as well. Flying was able to alleviate her when her mind got too heavy and on the day of the Parapet, that had been exactly what she needed.

Among the clouds, she allowed her mind the waver and Tairn had given her the liberty of privacy, as much as their bond permitted.

Conscription day was proving to be hard, the expectancy of watching eager candidates die didn’t excite her as much as it did to some of her classmates. Today she would watch more than fifty people fall to their deaths, according to statistics, she just hoped neither Liam’s sister nor Cam were one of them.

Thinking about both of them left her anxious, for there was nothing she could do if they fell. She had too many chess pieces in her hands and no way to know how to move them, she couldn’t foresee what her next step was if she wasn’t sure what piece to move now. Her father used to say to take one thing at a time, but he must’ve known that life doesn’t always work that way. They would have to be on their own today, after the Parapet she could help, but not before, and she would have to live with that knowledge until they both made it through.

She had asked Dain to put Sloane in her squad, but he wouldn’t be in that post, however he assured her he would do what he could. Violet hadn’t told him about Cam yet, Alys should have been the one to tell him and if she didn’t that wasn’t Violet’s business.

She had the conduit strapped on her today, close to her skin inside a bracelet Mira had given her years ago. She had gone back to her mother’s house to get it back. She hoped she wouldn’t lose her temper today, especially given with who she was stationed with, but if she did at least the sky wouldn’t erupt into a lightning show.

As they’re walking to their posts on the tower of the main college, where she, Rhiannon, and Dain will be stationed, she’s intercepted by Bodhi.

She lifts an eyebrow. “Yes?”

He glances at Dain, but he’s too busy conversing with the Wingleader from First Wing, as is Rhiannon. There was a change in leadership last minute and they were being informed on how to proceed, “Me and Imogen are on assigning duty, do you want anyone in particular?”

She furrows her brow, “Did Imogen put you up to this?” Bodhi had barely spoken with her since they returned from Resson, avoiding her at all costs. She was aware that both him and Garrick were not her biggest fans but at least Garrick was civil. Ever since they arrived at Basgiath Bodhi had been more hostile towards her. In Aretia he had been nice and even sympathetic, now she wonders if he only was like that to her because Imogen had been in the room with her. She also has the feeling that he and Imogen had a disagreement this morning, she saw them in the courtyard before formation.

“Is it that obvious?” He deadpans, fixing her with a bored look that resembled his cousin’s “So, do you want anyone?”

She rolls her eyes “You’re just as entitled as your cousin, I hope you know that.” Except that Xaden was much more charming, in her opinion anyway, “I want Cam, he looks like his father, and Sloane Mairi.”

He huffs, “I hear that comparison a lot.” He shifted to a defensive pose, “Why do you want Sloane?” he narrowed his eyes, “Did Xaden not warn you about this?” he mocked, which made her furious. “Her and your friend in the same squad won’t go well, or are you expecting that by putting them in the same squad they won’t want to kill each –”

She recognized that tone, for it was the same any arrogant man used, Bodhi was picking a fight. He was probably angry at something and taking out his frustrations on her. Despite knowing this, she didn’t let the remark slide. She was tired, blocking Tairn and his grumpy mood, while not getting enough sleep. On top of all of that, she was constantly anxious, both for Andarna and for all the subtle threats she was receiving this year, and it was only the beginning. She knew he wanted to draw a reaction out of her when he mentioned Xaden, but she refused to show him her anger, he didn’t deserve it. He wasn’t the only one suffering and she didn’t deserve this dismissive behavior from him. “Mind your business Bodhi, and watch your tone with me.”

“Or what Sorrengail?” he provoked.

“Or you’ll end up bleeding back on wherever you're posted because Nolon isn’t free for mendings and I swear I’ll carve a dagger in any part of you I can reach.” she fumed.

He kept teasing her, “Xaden would be upset.” Violet thought she could understand the real reason Bodhi was mad then. He missed Xaden and he didn’t like her. He wasn’t particularly amused that she and Xaden were playing couple while she had clearly broken up with him. She didn’t care, he had nothing to do with them.

“I’m warning you Bodhi, step down. The last time I flung a dagger at someone I didn’t hesitate,” and the last time she’d done it had been to her brother, who unlike Bodhi was family, “the only reason why you’re still unscarred is because I know Xaden cares for you and would hate to see you hurt especially by me, but don’t test me.”

He startled at her angry tone and studied her, she met his gaze head-on, daring him to take this fight further. She was itching for it, her own anger and recklessness mixed with Tairn’s had left her with an urge to snap at anyone who wasn’t her squad. If Bodhi wanted to test her limits so be it.

Instead, he backed down, “Fine,” was all he said as he retreated to his designated post. She almost felt disappointed, but then she reminded herself that if she stuck a dagger through his shoulder she would have to explain why. It was for the best that he had backed down.

While she and Bodhi had had their altercation, both Dain and Rhiannon had finished their conversation with the Wingleader from First wing, he was nowhere in sight.

“Is everything alright?” Dain probed hesitantly while glancing at Bodhi’s retreating back.

Violet finally snapped, “Why can’t anyone mind their business?”

Dain was quick to respond, “I just asked a question.” he didn’t say it with a condescending tone, but she felt it all the same. As if she owed him anything by explaining how confusing her life had become in less than a week. He would be better off if he just ignored her altogether.

For the past week, she had felt herself slipping further and further into her mind. She was always surrounded by her thoughts and memories that assaulted her at random hours of the day. She didn’t need to add Dain to the mix.

Rhiannon saved her from starting a fight with Dain, “We should head to the tower, they must be coming soon.” Dain followed her advice and went ahead, after he had distanced himself Rhiannon whispered to Violet, “What happened?”

Violet sighed, but told her anyway, “Bodhi was just being an asshole, don’t worry”

Rhiannon’s eyes widened in surprise, “You don’t get along well?” Violet shrugged, “Why?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care. He must think that just because he’s related to Xaden it gives him some right to have an opinion. It doesn’t, my relationship with Xaden only concerns the two of us.”

Rhiannon hummed in understanding, “If you ever want help to bury a body I’m here.”

Violet laughs, “Thanks I’ll think about it, but unfortunately, I think Xaden likes him.” she joked.

Rhiannon joins in her laughter, “He doesn’t need to know.”

As they reach the tower they see Nadine standing there, waiting for them. Her arm was still wrapped and she hadn’t asked Violet for her pills yet.

“You got stationed here?” Rhiannon asked knowing that she’d know if she had.

“No, I just got bored. They put me out of my duty due to my arm but I’m not gonna stay inside doing nothing while you two get to meet the new candidates.”

“You’re on the wrong side of the Parapet,” Violet said, “We’ll only send them to their death here not give them any congratulations.” No one denied that’s what they would be doing.

“I’ll boost up the morale.” Nadine assured.

“You shouldn’t be here without being stationed” Dain, who had stayed quiet this whole time said, which made Rhiannon direct a nasty look towards him. “I’ll allow it but you need to get a reign on your squad, Mathias.”

“Spare me Aetos” Rhiannon rolled her eyes, “We’re doing nothing against the codex, and stop the patronizing tone it makes you sound posh.”

Dain was about to reprimand her for the insult when Nadine intervened “See it this way Wingleader” she started, calling him by his rank to soften the situation. It was smart of her to do so, playing into Dain’s ego. She was here to boost the morale indeed, “I’m one more hand to help and I’m the most cheerful one out of us four. If half the ones crossing today are gonna fall at least they’ll go seeing my face in last.”

“I don’t know how that’s better,” Dain mumbled, but let the topic drop.

As the time for the crossing hadn’t arrived yet Nadine continued to make idle conversation, “When’s your boyfriend coming again?” she asked Violet and she noticed Dain’s jaw twist in anger. Nadine loved a good gossip, of course her relationship with Xaden wouldn’t continue to be ignored by her.

“Tomorrow I think,” Xaden was supposed to arrive in the morning, “and thank god because Tairn is a pain in my ass with Sgaeyl.”

Tairn roared in her mind “I’m not the only one being a pain.”

She wanted to deny she missed Xaden, but it would be useless to lie to her dragon, “Yes, but I’m not throwing fits. They’ll be here tomorrow”

“Is he the only one being a pain?” Nadine teased, mirroring what Tairn had just said.

“Contrary to popular belief I can survive a week without Xaden” Violet rolled her eyes. She would rather die before admitting aloud she missed him, her dragon was one thing, but Nadine didn’t need to know.

“The real question is will you be able to go with us to Chantara this weekend?” Rhiannon asked, subtly putting an end to Nadine's probing.

“Since when are we going?” Nadine asked, seemingly offended for now knowing their plans beforehand.

Rhiannon shrugged, “Ridoc and Sawyer gave the idea, and why not?” She turned to Violet, “Will you come?”

“Unless I’m in a life or death situation I don’t see why not. We can go on Sunday Xaden’s not gonna be here the whole day.” If she went to Chantara after Xaden flew back, she wouldn’t spend her afternoon being pathetically sad. She couldn’t avoid her feelings, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to. The least she could do was have fun with her friends.

“That’s what we were thinking. We couldn’t go tomorrow anyway, we have assessment day, even though it’s Saturday” Rhiannon rolled her eyes, “Can’t wait to see which of the first years can kick ass.”

“That sounds like it’s your problem squad leader” Nadine teased, “Me and Violet can skip it just fine.”

“Don’t you dare” Rhiannon said in a faked outrage, which prompted all of them into a fit of giggles.

“They’re coming up” Dain warned them, ruining all the fun, and they got into position. Violet standing in front of the stairs, to welcome the new candidates, Rhiannon behind her with a pen ready to write down the names, and Dain near the Parapet to send them off. Nadine was near the wall with Rhiannon, overlooking the list of names.

It was possible to hear snippets of conversations as the candidates climbed the stairs, the sound growing more euphoric the higher they climbed. Finally, a candidate emerged, he was tall and muscular but had a very soft face. Violet spared a look beyond him where two other girls had made it to the top of the stairs – they all looked so young.

Violet shoved the feeling of pity to the back of her mind and focused on her job. They had climbed because they wanted to, all of them were even laughing, “Name?” She asked.

“Connor Barry” he replied with a smile, which only made Violet’s heart clench. She ignored the feeling and repeated the name back at Rhiannon. There was nothing Violet could do for Connor, she would simply have to send him off and wait to see if he’d make it or not. She couldn’t mourn each of them, or she’d go insane before the day was over.

She took a look to see how well-equipped he was, he had tight-fitting clothes, and a small backpack, maybe he’d make it. “You can approach Wingleader Aetos who’ll lead you to the Parapet, after you cross it” If you do Violet thought, “you’ll give your name to the cadet who’s standing on the other side. Good luck.” That was the only thing she was allowed to say: the instructions and a hollow good luck.

Connor moved along to Dain and Violet focused on the candidates coming after him. After the two girls, Jesnia and Amber, two boys came after them, Brian and Theseus – they were twins. Would one of them fall? Would both? She didn’t want to know. After that, she didn’t pay attention to any names.

Once they made it past her in the direction of Dain she quickly forgot the name they had given her. Everything became a routine, she’d ask for a name, repeat it to Rhiannon, and lead them to Dain. The first to fall was person number eight, that’s how Violet was counting them, by numbers, not names. When they fell they’d be easier to forget, maybe she wouldn’t even dream of their screams.

She turned, alongside Rhiannon and Nadine to see person eight– a blonde man, fall to his death. He had slipped on a small crevice and hadn’t been quick enough to regain his balance. He screamed all the way down until his body hit the river and the stream took him. She heard the sound of the pen scratching his name off the page. One death, and it would only be up from there. A day filled with unecessary deaths.

“Focus, you cannot mourn everyone.” Tairn scolded into her head.

She turned back to her task and asked for the next name.

They had been on the Parapet for an hour and the line of cadets didn’t seem to be ending any time soon. The sun was high in the sky, not raining like on her own Parapet day, and she could feel that her face was starting to burn. She drank the water Nadine offered her before facing the next in line. Until now, thirty-four candidates had fallen into the river below.

“Name?” She called and when she looked up, she stopped in her tracks. That face had to belong to Liam's sister, she resembled him too much to be a coincidence. She didn’t even need to look at her relic. Her heart squeezed even more than it had since she came to face the first candidate.

“Sloane Mairi.” She replied in a forced disinterested tone, and yet she couldn’t mask the apprehension behind those eyes.

Violet couldn't interfere with the Parapet, or rather shouldn’t, but it was Liam’s sister, she just didn’t know how to help. She had promised herself earlier that she wouldn’t, but she wanted to, so badly. Violet gathered Liam knew his sister would be ready for the Parapet, he would never ask Violet to do something that would put her in danger. Still, she wanted to make sure Sloane made it to the other side alive. However, all that came out was. “Liam’s sister.” in an amazed tone. They couldn’t interfere, but they were allowed to make small talk while the candidates waited for their turn, “He was a great friend of mine.” She added, she could feel Rhiannon’s gaze on the back of her head.

“I know exactly who you are.” Sloane spited, rage clear on her voice. “You killed my brother, he died because of you.”

Violet wonders if she truly knew what killed her brother, and if she doesn’t would she still blame Violet? By the girl’s expression, the answer was yes. Violet was a Sorrengail and that’s all it mattered.

She hears Dain send the latest candidate to the Parapet, he’s waiting for the next one, yet he doesn’t interfere, certainly, he recognized Sloane from her features alone. Violet fights to keep her composure, putting on a mask of indifference she doesn’t feel. “Sure Mairi.” Violet doesn’t deny her involvement in Liam’s death, not when guilt has been eating her alive and preventing her from sleeping for the past week “Get on the Parapet and don’t fall. Arms out, head high and if the wind throws off your balance let your bag go, it's not more important than your life. You’ll get the opportunity to fight me on the other side. Good luck” She has done more than she was allowed, but she knows neither Rhiannon nor Nadine will sell her out.

She retreats her attention from Sloane, unable to focus on her a single moment more, not when she’s so like Liam.

She steps on the Parapet and Violet doesn’t keep watching to see if she made it across or fell to her death. She keeps on asking names.

She doesn’t hear screams and by Rhiannon’s expression, she can see Sloane’s survived her first challenge. However, Violet knows better than anyone that the Parapet is the easiest part of Basgiath, especially when you have a rebellion relic on your arm.

Violet ignores the urge to leave her post and make sure Sloane is assigned to her squad and keeps focusing on the lines of candidates. Imogen will know what to do and if she doesn’t Violet is certain she can take Bodhi to the mat.

“Name?” She calls and when she looks forward she comes across with a familiar face. She remembers Bodhi’s taunt earlier, of how Cam and Sloane would kill each other at first sight. Yet, here they were, next to each other on the stairs and she’s yet to see a dead body. She pretends she doesn’t recognize him, not while he doesn’t identify himself.

“Aaric Graycastle” he confidentely says, so much that she almost believes him. The name takes her by surprise. Aaric had been the last rider king in the Tauri dynasty, almost a hundred years ago. It had never been her favorite king. A fake name was wise when hiding from the King but it wouldn’t last for more than a year. When you were allowed to send in letters, they always caught the ones who gave a fake name at the Parapet. They didn’t mind much, but still, it was annoying.

“That’s a terrible name” she says but she repeats it back to Rhiannon.

Cam, or rather Aaric, huffs a laugh, a soft small appearing on his face, “missed you too” he his expression quickly changes when he narrows his eyes in suspicion “You don’t seem surprised”

Violet feigns disinterest, “Should I?” She wouldn’t do everything as Alys had asked, if she wanted Violet’s involvement Cam would know who had warned her of his arrival. She wouldn’t say it outright, but neither would she deny it.

He quickly guesses, “Alys told you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She returns his stare, not backing down. She swipes a look over him, he’s dressed accordingly, his boots are made from the same material hers and Mira’s are, and his clothes look custom-made, he won’t slip. The sun still burns her skin, there’s not a trace of wind around. He will not fall today. “When you make it across you’ll tell your name to the cadet that will be waiting for you on the other side and that’s the name we’ll have on our official register. Wingleader Aetos will tell you when you’re allowed to step on to the Parapet. Good luck.” She says nothing more, knowing he’ll be in her squad by the end of the day.

A look of panic crosses his face “Aetos?” He whispers.

She almost laughs “you were never good at math Cam. He’s in his third year.”

“It Aaric” he complains.

“Can’t believe you were given the freedom to chose a name and still were able to pick an ugly one.” She finally voices her opinion.

“It’s a family name” he explains as if Violet doesn’t know his family history better than he does.

“Doesn’t mean it’s not ugly, besides there’s many pretty names in your family and Aaric isn’t one of them.” When she sees the person behind Aeric reach the top of the stairs she purses her lips, no longer with a carefree expression. “Move along” is all she offers Cam and he does as he’s told.

She follows him with her gaze in time to see Dain’s reaction.

“What are you doing here?” he loudly whispers, clearly Alys was speaking the truth when she said she hadn’t told Dain.

“I’m crossing the Parapet Wingleader.” Aaric states with only a calm that derives from being a Royal.

“Crossing the–” Dain seems to be at a loss for words. “Does your father know?”

Cam lifts an eyebrow, “I don’t see how that’s relevant.”

Dain’s jaw opens and he looks towards Violet, “Did you know?”

Violet sees the line grow longer and it appears she needs to remind Dain they are not alone neither are they friends “I don’t know what you’re talking about Wingleader, but we need to move the line along.”

Dain swipes his gaze to the stairs and finally seems to remember where he is, making Cam, or Aaric step on the Parapet. When they have two more cadets in line waiting to be lead by Dain Rhiannon asks her quietly, “Who was that?”

“Officially that was Aaric Graycastle, even if that’s a terrible name, but unofficially” she lowers her voice and whispers in Rhiannon’s ear, Nadine comes closer so she can listen too. “That’s King Tauri’s third son.” Both of them widen their eyes, understanding the situation at hand. Nadine opens her mouth to ask more questions, but they hear a scream. Violet quickly turns her head to the Parapet, suddenly frightened. It’s not Aaric, but one of the girls who went in after him. She hates herself for the relief that washed over her, and yet that’s exactly what she feels.

In Basgiath you only have the luxury to care for yourself and those closest to you, no one else. When you finally understand that, congratulations you are a rider.

“May her soul be commanded to Malek” Nadine says in a low tone, just as she has done for every candidate that has fallen.

The three of them turn back to the stairs and keep receiving names.

– xx –

As soon as the last candidate makes it across the Parapet, the second and third years are called into formation, so that the new arrivals are quickly assigned to their respective squads. Rhiannon breaks from her side to head to the front of the Second squad and Violet joins Ridoc and Sawyer, who didn’t have any assignment but to wander aimlessly across the college. Imogen is behind her, alongside Quinn, they’re arguing about the survivors.

“Doesn’t matter anyway,” Imogen refutes, “they’re not worth getting close to before Threshing.”

“Is that your advice?” Violet asks, turning her head towards the duo.

Imogen hums, “If you don’t have any responsibilities I don’t see why you’d want to get attached, they’ll die and you’ll be mourning nonstop without reason.”

“Don’t be mean” Quinn says “you always get attached to some. Last year you even trained some of them.”

“That’s different, they were Tyrrish and had a rebellion relic.” Violet is surprised Imogen is openly talking like this. The ones with rebellion relics are usually very quiet about their internal bonds, even if it’s clear a lot of them forged a special friendship after their parents’ death. However, Quinn and Violet are the only ones listening, so maybe that goes to show Imogen’s trust in them. “Besides, it was Xaden that asked me.” as if that’s all the explanation it needs.

When Sloane is called into her squad she makes a show out of it. “I’m not staying in the same squad as her.” Violet rolls her eyes, apparently, Liam’s sister is more spoiled than he ever was, Violet wonders how that came to be.

“Get in line cadet” Rhiannon warns her, her tone threatening. Violet can see her control slipping she’s one second away from drawing her knife. She can see the Wingleaders on the dais looking unimpressed as well.

In the quadrant it’s important to not draw attention to yourself, you get killed easily that way, and yet here is Sloane throwing a fit.

“I’m not going to be put in the same squad as a Sorrengail.” She excuses herself, Ridoc mumurs something about feeding her to his dragon which makes her pale. Once the dragons enter the conversations first years always balk down.

“SLOANE!” Imogen screams, finally getting tired of the whole show, “Get in line and stop making a scene. I will not be repeating myself.”

Sloane’s shocked face almost makes Violet laugh, she was so busy on intending to not stay in Violet’s squad she forgot to see who else was in it. Sloane gets in formation quietly and Imogen goes around Violet and smacks her in the head. “Next time you behave like a child and refuse to listen to leadership I won’t be intervening on your behalf.”

“But she–” Sloane starts pointing at Violet again.

“She is the strongest rider of our generation and I’m still amazed how she hasn’t fried you yet.” It was not out of restraint, Violet is sure the conduit is lit up to its maximum capacity. Imogen glances at Violet and back to Sloane again, “Now pay attention and don’t run.” She returns to her original position.

Violet remains quiet throughout the whole ordeal. Pretending to be unaffected.

When all the new cadets have been assigned to their respective squads, the Wingleader with the most formidable dragon steps forward, this year that honor befalls onto the fourth wing again.

Dain steps up and starts his speech, it’s not as impactful as Xaden’s was last year, but maybe that’s because she was more scared of Xaden than she’ll ever be of Dain. Still, the first years react just as the quadrant wants them to, with loud cheers, patting each other on the back for having survived. They always forget about those who had fallen to their deaths – seventy-one this year.

The sound of wingbeats echoes across the courtyard and six dragons make their way on top of the towers behind the leadership basis. Violet remembers only having five dragons last year. Four for the Wingleaders and one for Panchek, she doesn’t recognize the one-eyed orange daggertail. Violet swipes her gaze across the dais and notices Varrish smirk in her direction, her question has been answered.

The dragons must look menacing for those who have never seen any up close, but she rides Tairn, all those standing on the dais are half his size. They could never scare her. They snap their jaws and wiggle their tails but never in her squad’s direction. Dain’s words from last year come back to her, no one would dare to potentially hurt her and deal with Tairn’s wrath afterward.

The girl with red hair in front of her vomits, bending at the waist and heaving. The only thing Violet can think is how disgusting it is and how awful the smell is gonna spread. She sees her wobbling alongside Sloane.

“Don’t you dare to run” Violet sneakers, “you didn’t survive the Parapet to die like runners.” at least those who don’t survive the Parapet aren’t labeled as cowards. Violet notices Sloane’s hands close into fists, her anger will help her gain respect of the dragons, better that than fear. Dragons don’t let cowards live.

The orange daggertail continues to scan the crowd and it unsettles Violet, she reaches for Tairn. “What do you know about Major Varrish’s dragon?”

“Solas is there?” Tairn barks.

Violet rolls her eyes, as if she would know the name of the dragon, still, she answers, “If he is an orange daggertail with only one eye than yes.”

“Keep your eyes on him.” Tairn warns, and Violet knows better than to ignore her dragon.

“If she continues to puke she’s not going to make it to Presentation,” Imogen whispers to Ridoc. The two having started a conversation at some point.

“A third of you will be dead by next July. If you want to wear rider black, then you earn it!” Dain shouts, his voice carrying throught the courtyard, “you fight for it and prove your worth to them.” he points a finger at his dragon Cath. In response, the dragon digs his red claws into the mansory and leans over Dain’s head as he blows a steam over the crowd.

Cries sound in the courtyard, and a first-year to her right – Tail Section – breaks out of formation and sprints back toward the Parapet, racing through the aisles between cadets.

Violet can only sigh.

“We have a runner” Ridoc mutters, none of his usual delight present in his voice, he hates this as much as she does. “Why can’t they stand still?”

No one answers his question as two other cadets from the Third Wing decide to follow the cadet’s example. Violet doesn’t watch them run, her eyes still fixed on Solas. The dragon narrows his one eye to a slit as he draws one full breath, ready to strike. Instead of releasing the fire, he waits, Violet chances a glance behind her shoulder, at where the Parapet is, and notes they are almost there. Fourth Wing is the Wing closest to the Parapet and if Solas burns the cadets now, they’ll all burns with them.

Violet has one second before Solas opens his mouth. “Get down!”, she shouts grabbing Ridoc, who grabs Sawyer, and Sloane. Violet falls on top of her body, protecting her from the flames. To her credit, she doesn’t scream, but it wouldn’t matter if she did, for Violet can only hear the screams of their whole section.

As the fire stops and Violet opens her eyes she sees Aaric in the other end of the squad alive and still on the ground. Her back burns and Violet wants to scream but no sound comes out. Tairn roars in her head, he’s furious and heading to the courtyard. Everything around her is chaos.

She stands up ignoring the pain and searches for the damage the fire caused, Solas took out the runners, one of Second squad’s first years and from what she can tell half of Third Squad.

Everyone breaks out of formation to check on each other.

“Violet your back” Nadine shrieks, “It’s burned.”

Violet touches her uniform and it desintegrades in her hands, only her armour stays in place. “It didn’t burn through my armor, I’m good,” Violet reminds herself to thank Mira again for gifting her this the next time she writes to her. She wipes her head around in her search for Ridoc, Sawyer, Rhiannon and Imogen, they’re alive and safe.

“Are you hurt?” she asks Sloane, who trembles in her arms. She apologizes to Liam before doing what she needs to do, but this is not the time to be scared, “Sloane” she shakes her, “Are you hurt?” she grabs her face, “Answer me.”

“No” she whispers, her voice soft.

“Good” Violet concludes, not having time to check on any more of her injuries at the moment, she turns her head, “Aaric, how are you?”

“Alive” he screams so that his voice can be heard under all the noise.

“That’s good enough” Violet mumbles to herself.

“Get back into formation!” Panchek’s voice amplifies over the mayhem. “Riders do not balk at fire!”

“The ones who didn’t are dead” someone from Third squad screams.

Dain’s eyes meet her own, his surprise clear on his face. All the wingleaders are equally as stunned. It’s only the first day of this new major and the death rate has already tripled.

She watches Imogen stare at a pile of ashes, near where the Third Squad burned, as discreetly as she can Violet goes to her. “What is it?” she whispers.

“Ciaran is dead.” she simply states.

Violet freezes for less than a second before understanding dawns on her, but she doesn’t say anything, not here, there are too many people. She only grabs Imogen’s arms and drags her to formation before Panchek screams again. “I’m sorry” she whispers to Imogen before going back to her place.

Varrish steps forwards, completely unfazed that his dragon took out cadets that didn’t break formation, bonded riders. “It is not only the first-years who earn their leathers at Basgiath!” he shouts, turning his eyes directly at Violet. “The wings are only as strong as their weakest rider!”

“I’ll kill him one day” Violet promises to whoever is willing to listen.

A cadet with blue hair from their squad takes a step back, which prompts Solas to focus on her. Cath snaps his teeth in his direction but it amounts to nothing, Violet is about to lay on the ground again when a familiar pair of wingbeats fills her ears.

A peace washes over her, even if that’s the opposite emotion Tairn is transmitting through their bond. She is safe, her dragon is here.

Tairn lands on the wall behind her squad, his wings flaring so wide one nearly touches the dormitory as he takes out the top row of stones next to the Parapet. First-years scream, running for their lives. Apparently, not all of them have learned their lesson to stay put.

The Wingleaders’ dragons all rear back, including Cath, but Solas holds his ground, his tongue curling when Tairn’s chest expands.

“You do not have the right to burn what is mine” Tairn warns, releasing an earth-shattering roar in Solas’ direction. His high-pitched scream echoes throughout the quadrant, everyone covering their ears. Violet stands her ground even if her ears are hurting and she’s certain she’ll be deaf by the end of this altercation.

Tairn then snaps his jaws in front of Solas' neck, a clear threat. Violet hears Sawyer inhale a breath. Everyone around her has their muscles locked tight.

Solas huffs but takes flight, Tairn roars once more in Varrish’s direction, and for a moment Violet fears for the Major’s life.

“That’s enough Tairn or I’ll be the one to suffer the consequences” she tried to put an end into this.

“He knows that if he threatens you again I will devour his human whole and let him rot within me while his heart still beats, and then I’ll take the eye I so graciously left him.”

Violet needs Tairn to understand that she doesn’t need graphic depictions of how he wants to eat his victims “Gross but sure”. She chooses to ignore that it was Tairn who maimed Solas, that is dragon business that she doesn’t need to know nor want to be involved in.

Panchek clears his throat, and Violet can see his hands slightly shake. “Let’s continue.”

Violet notices Varrish’s eyes fixed on her, the cold ruthlessness in his eyes makes Violet want to crumble, and she yearns to hide. But her dragons didn’t bond a coward, Violet sticks to her spot and only glares back.

— xx —

Violet grabbed the jacket on top of her chair, opened her room’s door, and got out of the college. She almost tripped on the stairs as her shoes were not secured tightly enough for her to walk normally.

Mage lights turned on as she passed through them, but Violet didn’t care, she just wanted to get out. Her breathing was irregular and her tunic was sticking to her skin, she felt claustrophobic, she needed something to hold on to, but that was a luxury she didn’t have so she resulted to run.

As she opened the huge double doors that gave way to the courtyard she finally slowed down and breathed. She kept walking at a slower pace now. Staring up at the moon finally gave her inner peace, a qualm to her never-ending thoughts.

The moon has always calmed her, when Violet was a child she slept with her curtains open, staring at its bright light. Her father would sing her lullabies when the pain in her body became too much, when she hadn’t yet learned to live her daily life with it. The moon had always been a close companion to her sleepless nights, whether due to her pain or her night-outs. She only needed to look up to remind herself she was alive.

She reached the place where she had panicked over the Gaulet so many months ago, it was as empty as it had been back then. The place gave her a view over the flight fields and it reminded her of her loyal dragons. She changed a nudge at their bonds, both were soundly asleep.

She took one more breath.

She had needed the fresh air, her nightmare had left her uneasy. Every time she closed her eyes all she saw were fields filled with death. Decaying bodies around her and earth-shattering screams. Scared people fleeing their homes, protecting their children, riders falling from the sky, Liam between them, he was always there, and injured dragons with them. In the middle of it all, there was him, the one who had been there at Resson – the venin she fought with had called him the sage.

The nightmares were getting more gruesome each night, her brain constructed scenarios where everyone would ultimately die and she had to relieve it every night. She was exhausted, she just wanted to have a full night of sleep.

Tonight she had relived Soleil’s death. She had been running, trying to get to her dragon when a venin started to channel from the earth. The grass had soon turned grey, erasing every life that it reached, including Soleil’s. She hadn’t been fast enough to outrun the destruction.

Violet wouldn’t have been able to survive either.

No matter what signet you had in that situation it wouldn’t have mattered, all you could’ve done was run and pray you were fast enough. Violet remembered Felix’s words on how she needed to train and practice, maybe he hadn’t only been referring to her signet. She would always be petite, but it didn’t mean she couldn’t be strong. She had muscles like everyone else and those could be trained and strengthened.

Dawn was approaching, the moon was starting to fade and soon the quadrant would be up.

Before she could mentally start planning her day ahead she heard footsteps. Every sense in her alerted. If she was caught out here alone she would get scolded, and given how Varrish had an eye on her, she was not looking forward to that.

It was Imogen making her way to her, Violet felt herself relax. She walked silently and without any words or a nod of acknowledgment, she plastered herself beside Violet on the wall. She heard Imogen take a deep breath and remained silent for a few more minutes, until she decided to quietly say, “Leadership is having a meeting.”

Violet didn’t turn to look at Imogen, her gaze fixed on the horizon, far beyond the limits of Basgiath College, “I know, they always have it before dawn breaks.”

Imogen exhaled, “You weren’t given any position, what’s your excuse to be up cadet?”

Violet smirked, neither of them had been given a leadership position. Imogen had created the habit in the last few days of not asking directly what she wanted. When Violet had first met Imogen she went directly to her point, but Resson had changed them all, Imogen was being more careful with her words lately. “What’s yours?”

Imogen stayed quiet for a while gathering her thoughts, choosing her words, “Garrick warded my room, just as Xaden did yours.” she gulped, taking a steading breath. “You’re not the only one that screams at night.”

She was surprised at the admission, but not more surprised that Imogen knew of her nightmares. Perhaps she hadn’t been as careful as she thought. “I guess I’m not.” she turned to Imogen, looking at her for the first time. Imogen was pale, dressed as Violet was, with a sleeping tunic, but she didn’t doubt she had her daggers with her, just as Violet had. She was slowly trembling, whether it was from the cold or the shock Violet couldn’t tell. “How are you dealing with it?” she asked, her tone desperate for some answer, some kind of refuge.

It turned out Imogen was dealing with it as well as Violet was, “By being awake before dawn.”

Violet huffed, laying her head against the wall “Doesn’t seem really productive”

Imogen smirked, “And yet here we are.” She looked at Violet, “Talking to Quinn helps.”

Violet made an agreeing noise but changed the subject, she didn’t want to talk about her nightmares, or rather why she wasn’t talking about them, “I’m sorry about Ciaran.” she said softly

Imogen took a deep breath, “We already knew they were coming for us, I just didn’t expect them to act so soon.” she exhaled into the sky, “We are living on borrowed time.”

“Varrish made sure to scare us all” Imogen released an agreeing hum, “If we’re living on borrowed time might as well live it to the fullest.”

“I’m sure you’re doing just that with Xaden” Imogen returned to her snarky tone, Ciaran was a topic she didn’t wish to discuss further.

She ignored the jab, if she teased Imogen on Garrick Violet was sure she would end up with a knife to her neck, instead she changed the subject. “Me and Bodhi fought yesterday” she decided to say, she thought Imogen should know even if she suspected she knew it already.

“I know,” Imogen said, “He’s being an idiot, I don’t know what’s gotten into him.” she huffed, “We’ve been fighting since Thursday too. He’s not coping well with everything and acts like it’s our fault.”

“He misses Xaden,” Violet admits, “That’s what I understood from it anyway, but he could talk about it instead of pushing everyone away and being a pain in my ass.”

Imogen raised her eyebrow, “Have you ever met a Riorson?” Violet huffed a laugh, apparently not talking was a part of their blood. “Besides, you can’t blame him, you don’t talk either.”

Violet stayed quiet at the accusation, she couldn’t defend herself against it. “Neither do you.”

“I have Quinn, I talk to her about my nightmares. Not their contents, or at least not everything, Xaden would kill me, but I talk to her. You’re not talking to your friends.”

“If I tell them they’ll start acting like I’m breakable and will start hovering over me, I don’t need that I’m stressed enough as it is. My nightmares are my burden to bear, I’m fine.”

“Keep lying to yourself, Violet.” Imogen rolled her eyes, “You’re behaving exactly like Bodhi.”

“I’m not being rude to people,”

“For now, but if you keep going like this you’ll explode. No one is made of stone.” Imogen said in the softest tone Violet had ever heard coming out of her mouth.

“I know” Violet wanted to give Imogen an honest answer, but at the same time she didn’t want to worry her, “I’ll find my footing, don't worry about me.”

“I don’t doubt you will,” Imogen took pity on her and changed the subject, “What were you thinking about before I arrived?”

“Soeil wasn’t fast enough to make it to her dragon in time, and if she wasn’t I definitely am not. I need to up my training”

“It spreads like wildfire, none of us would’ve made it Violet.”

“Maybe not.” She concedes Imogen a point, however, she’s nothing if determined to raise her chances of survival. She decides on something, “I’m going to run every morning, at least when I die I won’t feel guilty that I didn't try hard enough.”

Violet didn’t explicitly invite Imogen to run with her, but she hoped Imogen still understood. She thought it would be better to run with Imogen than to run all by herself lost in her thoughts.

“Soleil didn’t make it,” Imogen started, “But we will, we’ll survive,” she promised even if she had no way to keep it.

Even if none of them were with the right clothes to do so, they started to run.

Notes:

hiiii !! it's been so lovely to read your comments both here and on tumblr it's honestly so gratefying and the reason i keep writing. this chapter kicked my ass but i hope you can still enjoy it. i reaaaaly hope there are no major grammar mistakes but if there are pls bring it to my attention !!

One thing Violet is gonna do is have nightmares besties, i'm really sorry. also i did put the in-laws fighting you seemed to like that on tumblr lmao yall loooove the drama. Also maybe i'm bad at math but i think it's RY fault bc wasn't the parapet in canon on a friday ?? so how in the hell was xaden late to basgiath if he's suposed to leave on friday and arrive saturday ?? assessment day is right after the parapet so the math aint mathing. Anyway here he's gonna be a few hours late but not a full whole day. Next chapter is from his POV !!

and before yall come here raging that yall wanted more Cam dont worry he's coming !! give it time. he has just arrived AND survived dragon fire, good for him !!

also can i just say i feel bad for Dain in this chapter lmao?? he just asked a question the poor guy, but Violet is going through it sorry not sorry

anyway come scream with me on tumblr i have a lot of fun there.

Chapter 7

Summary:

tw // there's a panic attack; mentions of blood and violence

If I had to give you one advice it would be this: don’t lose your focus, don’t slack in anything, and most importantly never believe that the other person is telling the truth.

— Fen Riorson’s spoken words to Xaden Riorson, his heir; time and place unknown.

Xaden locked the door behind him as soon as he entered the sanctuary that was his room and took a deep, shuttering breath.

His room was the only place where he could truly breathe, where people wouldn’t be breathing down his neck and questioning every little thing he did.

All week he had felt the air closing in on him, as if a huge weight was blocking his lungs of clean fresh air. A weight which he couldn’t lift even if he tried, not even his shadows would be of aid.

He was suspicious of everyone, always reading their intentions, always needing to be two steps ahead of them all. His anxiety and unrest made his carefulness reach a higher level, he was constantly looking over his shoulder, always waiting for someone to come and try to kill him.

Basgiath had been dangerous, but he knew what to expect, he had known what to do to win the respect of his peers. Samara, however, was different, there seemed to be no rules of hierarchy, besides the obvious — they all answered to the outpost’s Commander Officer. How you got him to respect you was what was blurry.

Powerful dragons and signets meant nothing here, all that mattered was what Melgreen and Tauri awarded you with. Seeing as Xaden was the son of the great betrayer, that put him at the bottom of the chain.

Granted they shouldn’t trust him, he would burn this place to the ground if he ever had the opportunity to do so, but questioning his abilities as a capable rider annoyed him. He had the most powerful signet in the outpost and the most powerful dragon, and yet people still enjoyed underestimating him. They all had something to say, trying to get him to respond to their provocations. They were all set on making his life a living hell.

Maybe Malek did have plans for him after all.

All the riders at the Samara outpost eyed him warily, the glances followed him every time he so much as moved around, whether it was at lunch or when he presented himself for his duties, he always felt someone’s eyes on him. They were always watching, yearning to catch him fail. The worst and most suffocating part of it all was that his Commander Officer would never allow him to be alone. He always had to have someone watching over Xaden, as if he were a small child who needed supervision.

Earlier in his shift, he had been stationed with Sahalie who was a few years older than him. She should know that riders like their personal space and even if she didn’t know, Xaden made no efforts to hide he despised any company that wasn’t Garrick. For the third time in fifteen minutes she had touched him to see what he was doing. He had already had a poor night of sleep and that, on top of everything, made him snapp at Sahalie. There was no need for her to touch him, she could perfectly watch him and report all his doings back to the Commander Officer without invading his personal space. She had looked embarrassed for getting caught and apologized, even if it hadn’t been sincere.

To make up for his annoyance with her she had spent the rest of the shift talking about how she wanted a rematch with Mira Sorrengail and how impressed she still was with her hook. Going as far as showing him the scar Mira had left her.

Xaden wondered what he had done for the God’s to punish him like that.

The whole outpost acted as if he would commit treason before their bare eyes as if he wasn’t smarter than that. He would have been insulted if he wasn’t so annoyed. He had even found out from looking into one of his fellow rider's mind that they all thought he was going to abandon his outpost if not supervised. Xaden had almost rolled his eyes at that, if he wanted to go rogue he could do it under the dark of night, not while doing a shift. They had gone as far as forbidding him to be stationed with Garrick without supervision, “It would be irresponsible” his Commander Officer had said.

He almost complained right there when he told him that, ready to engage in a fight with his superior, but then he heard a sweet voice in his mind, urging him to be careful.

“Please Xaden don’t go around picking fights and making your life harder than it needs to be,” Violet had said before he flew to Samara, and he had told her she had nothing to worry about. He wouldn’t, couldn’t break his promise to her, not this one, not again. Usually he didn’t heed to anyone’s advice but he had learned in the past year that Violet had entered his life to flip it upside down. So he kept quiet and accepted that he wouldn’t be put on duty with Garrick.

Eating at the cafeteria was another issue, he thought they’d leave him alone during his lunch hours, since no one would want to eat with him. He had been looking forward to it — an hour of peace in the middle of the chaos. They had let him be at first, but as soon as Garrick joined him at the table, two Lieutenants came running to join and eat with them. They didn’t strike up a conversation, they were just there, bothering him for the sake of it.

Xaden thought it was rather pathetic, they could at least try to be discreet. His annoyance only made Garrick amused. He was of the opinion that everything would die down once they all got bored of them. Xaden thought it was rather easy for him to talk, he didn’t have Sgaeyl complaining about how insulting it was that she was being underestimated all the time.

“If they have to spy at least they could do a good job, but you found the forge just fine. They’re all incompetent.” she had said to him the day before.

He knew his position at Navarre’s military would be hard but he had never thought he would be missing Basgiath within his first week. If he told Bodhi about it he would laugh in his face, calling him a liar. A few months ago he would’ve agreed with him.

It was even worse when the infantry joined in their little insults towards him, as if the riders weren’t enough to test his patience. Luckily for him, no one batted an eye if a rider hurt someone from infantry, even if the rider was Fen Riorson’s son. After the first three tried insulting him and came back with a black eye and a few broken ribs he hadn’t encountered a brave enough infantry soldier to address him again.

His only reprieve was that Garrick had only suffered a few glances on the first day, but other than that he’d been left alone. He even had the privilege of doing his shifts alone.

Xaden sighed, he was exhausted and it had only been a week. He wondered how he would continue to endure this torture until the venin came and killed them all. Everyday he imagined his revenge on each of the Assembly members for making him go through this. Maybe it wasn’t so bad that the future didn’t seem so bright, at least his suffering at the outpost would end. The only thing he had to look forward to was that at the end of the week, he would be flying to Violet.

He missed her.

The feeling wasn’t foreign, he knew what it felt like to miss someone, but usually the people he missed this deeply were dead, not a nine-hour flight away. He thought, rather foolishly, that he would be able to handle a week without her. He had obviously been wrong. He missed the simple fact that he couldn’t look at her face at dinner time, he couldn’t hear her laugh, he even missed the way she fought him. He just missed her completely. It didn’t help that Sgaeyl’s longing for Tairn affected him as well, they were both miserable.

He doubted she’d be on good speaking terms with him, but their farewell had been pleasant enough that he was confident they wouldn't be fighting at least. Either way it didn’t matter, her company was far more enjoyable than anyone’s in Samara. Even if she would be screaming at him or if he could only watch her from far away, that would be enough — for now.

He returned to packing, he was to make his flight tonight. Sgaeyl had insisted they’d fly at the earliest they possibly could. If they flew through the whole night they’d reach Basgiath after formation at the latest. Making it so that they’d be at Basgiath for a day and a half. She would never hear complaints from him in that regard, not if it meant more time with Violet.

He had just put the letter he had written the night before in his bag when he heard a knock at his door, he wanted until Garrick knocked the rest of their signal but the knocks never came. The hairs at the back of his neck stood up, no one had knocked on his door the whole week, no one had dared after two of the younger Lieutenants, only a year older than him tried to breach his wards and ended up with both hands burned. The healers at the outpost had not been amused and even the Major visiting the outpost had given a speech the next morning about respecting each other’s boundaries.

He immediately hid the bag under the bed and went to answer the door. He had nothing incriminating in there, except for the unauthorized letter, but he could never be too careful. If they wanted they would punish him for any little thing he did and he wouldn’t test fate when he was about to fly to Violet.

As he opened the door he stood face to face with his Commanding Officer, Colonel Degrensi, discreetly Xaden took a step back. He was standing too close to the door and there was no way this man would enter his room where not even Garrick was included in the wards, this room was only for him and Violet.

“Lieutenant Riorson” the Colonel called him, Xaden waited for him to get the rest out, he refused to salute the Colonel, as he without a doubt wanted him to, “We need you to substitute Lieutenant Brian, as he is unwell. You’ll meet Lieutenant Alanara at the flight field for a patrol.”

Xaden wasn’t sure if the Gods were pranking him or if his Colonel was serious with his request. He heard Sgaeyl roar in his head and he took that as a warning that his superior was not pranking him. He was to do a shift when he had been ready to hop on Sgaeyl and fly. With all the self-control Xaden could gather he quickly answered. “I’m to fly to Basgiath tonight Colonel.”

The Colonel merely shrugged, “You’ll fly tomorrow, I don’t see the problem,”

Xaden took a few more deep breaths, he would not loose his calm. “Sgaeyl has already stretched her bond with Tairn to its maximum I don’t believe it’d be wise to test her patience further.”

The Colonel waved a hand, “Tell her we need her services, the security of the borders is more important than her mate bond.” he said as if he had any knowledge on dragon’s mating bonds.

Sgaeyl roared loudly a profane amount of obscenities while she depicted how she would end the Colonel’s pathetic life, something that Xaden didn’t translate out loud, even if he wished to see the Colonel’s reaction to it.. “She would disagree,” he simply said.

Xaden saw a fake sweet smile make its way onto the Colonel’s face and prepared himself for the insult he was sure to be in the receiving end of. He hadn’t expected to be so furious, however, “You have no other choice or I’ll forbid you to take your leave completely” Xaden’s face blanched as he blocked Sgaeyl from influencing him, he was already enraged for the both of them. His anger made him stay rooted where he was instead of punching the Colonel and removing all the teeth he had on display one by one. He would dare to defy a dragon’s mate bond and forbit Xaden to fly out, breaking the agreement on its first weekend. The worst of all was that Xaden wouldn’t have any way of warning Violet and she was sure to stay mad at him even more than she already was. Tairn would also curse him to his next generation if he got himself punished and was the reason why he wouldn’t be able to see Sgaeyl.

Slowly, after a lot of grounding in his hill, Xaden was able to control himself, endlessly repeating to himself that if he didn’t obey he wouldn’t be able to see Violet and he already missed her too much to lose that. This quiet chant in his head was what made him move to the other side of the door.

He quietly followed The Colonel to the flight field, not uttering a single word even while he was explained what he was supposed to do during his shift. As soon as they reached the dragons Sgaeyl wasted no time and snapped her jaw in the Colonel’s face making her displeasure known. Xaden could almost smell the fear off of him, he had wanted to hurt Xaden but had seemingly forgotten who his dragon was.

“Riorson? What’s he doing here? Isn’t he supposed to be heading to Basgiath?” Alanara, the rider he’s supposedly patrolling with asks.

“Patrolling is more important than a mating bond.” The Colonel answers. Sgaeyl approaches him, opens her mouth, and bares her teeth to him as a sign of a clear threat. Xaden does nothing to stop her, “our borders are important” the Colonel’s voice shakes as he tries to deviate himself from Sgaeyl but she only follows him.

“With all due respect Colonel, but my dragon disagrees,” Alanara says, and her eyes widen a fraction of second later. Xaden breaches her mind easily and sees that her dragon told her he wouldn’t interfere if Sgaeyl murdered the Colonel. Xaden doesn’t think she’d go that far, if only because of the consequences that would cause Xaden, but she wishes she could do it.

Xaden sighs and rubs his temple, the fastest they finish this patrol the fastest he’ll be in the air in the direction of Basgiath. He says so to Sgaeyl and with one last earth shattering roar in the Colonel’s face she retreats to Xaden’s side, lowering her head at his level. One of her favorite ways of displaying their power together, making the statement that she claimed him.

The Colonel swallows and Xaden notes his shaky legs, it almost makes him smirk, almost, until he says, “Lieutenant Riorsson you should learn to control your dragon” The Colonel puts as much poison as he can in his voice, which isn’t a lot given he’s still recovering from Sgaeyl.

“A dragon is not a slave Colonel,” he stares at him, “Sgaeyl does what she wants.”

He looks as if he wants to refute but closes his mouth and makes his way inside without another word. He probably realized that between Sgaeyl and him, the creature that spits fire would win. A tiny part of Xaden wished she could have burned him and saved them all from the trouble of his presence.

He quickly climbed on Sgaeyl, ready to get this patrol done with. “Riorson…” he heard Alanara say, but he didn’t catch the rest of her sentence, for Sgaeyl was already in the air.

They patrol the south of the outpost which is mostly made by a forest made up of tall trees and thick vegetation. It’s hard to navigate and even harder to foresee any possible dangers. Due to the density of the forest no moonlight penetrates through the vegetation, which is why the outpost demands it be patrolled at night. Enemies could come through it anytime, seeing as the wards stop in the middle of the forest. The trees make it harder for the wards to be strong in this place which is another factor on why this is the most vulnerable place on the entire outpost.

Navarre never explained the reason why the wards are weaker on this portion but Garrick’s mum theorized that it was because the trees used to be sacred to the natives of the land. Myths say that these trees took power from the original source — the earth — much like dark wielders and so the native worshiped them, many millennia ago. By taking power from the original source they made it so that everything around couldn’t cement itself in the same land.

Xaden is not sure if he believes this tale, but he remembers fondly of Garrick’s mother explaining it to them each time they asked for a new story. Galania worked on the archives as a historian, she specialized in the native land, which was a fancy name to refer to the period before unification. It was because of her job that she realized that something didn’t align with the truth and that made her go to his father, which then prompted both her and her husband to join the rebellion. It had gotten them killed but at least she had died for something that not only she believed in, but had seen with her own eyes. The lies Navarre perpetuated disgusted her on a personal level. She had dedicated her whole life to the studies, during her whole life she had been researching for the truth, to then, in the end, find out that all that Navarre had done was plant lies in her research. Navarre had betrayed her.

He still remembers her last words. She was one of the last ones standing, along with Garrick’s father, they had been holding hands the entire time. She spat on the ground and looked directly into Melgreen’s eyes speaking in a tone so poisonous Xaden had never heard before coming from her, “May this land curse all of you, when the time comes where you’ll call for help she will swallow you all and not even your precious wards will save you.” And then she burned.

After six hours of patrolling Alanara directs him to stop atop of a wall so they can eat something out of their bags. He’d rather take no breaks and get his shift done so he’d be able fly at the earliest he possibly could, but Sgaeyl makes him eat, seeing as he had only eaten lunch, and it was currently past five am. As they eat Alanara studies him, he pretends he doesn’t feel her eyes on him, and wonders what insult he’s gonna receive this time around. She hadn’t crossed paths with him many times, they had only met on his first day at the outpost. She was one of the oldest riders at Samara and everyone seemed to respect her. She was a very successful rider with a few hard won battles under her belt, Xaden thought it safe to assume her ego was grand. So it came as a great surprise when she asked, “What do you think of the outpost so far Riorson?” she looked disinterested as she chewed on one of the protein bars she had brought.

He was suspicious of her intentions, even as he tried to read her she had her shields up, unlike earlier. He didn’t want to come off as rude, lest she’d tell the Colonel and he ended up cancelling his leave after all. He shrugged his shoulders, “The bed could be more comfortable, but at least it has better food than Basgiath.”

She laughs, “We are at the border the least we deserve is good food.” She swallows, “I heard you had the honor of being Wingleader in your last year,” he nodded, waiting for her to continue, “It’s a hard job, when I was at Basgiath my wing came in second in my last year. They say you were able to save eight of the ten cadets that were with you during a surprise open combat.”

“Who’s they?” he narrows his eyes.

She waves a hand, “The higher ups. If that’s true you’ve done a very good job, most groups lose double that during War Games.” She talks as if the deaths of two cadets are unimportant, as if Liam and Soleil’s deaths are mere numbers on a scale. Xaden guesses that for someone who has seen so much death across her years of service it doesn’t apall her anymore. Still, it leaves him uncomfortable, even if it doesn't leave him angry.

“It doesn’t matter how well my wing did in Basgiath.” They don’t respect me anyways goes unsaid.

She chances a glance at Sgaeyl and then returns her eyes to him, “I promise the other riders will come around to respect you, at least I hope so.” That makes the hairs on his neck stand up, it’s not a good sign that she’s showing him sympathy. He levels her with a look, which makes her huff and roll her eyes “Don’t look at me like that, new Lieutenants always suffer from being newbies and it always makes me sad, but your father being who he is isn’t helping in making your life easier.”

Xaden is the one rolling his eyes now, she tells him information as if he didn’t know about it already. “I would think my dragon would be enough for the others to respect my capabilities as a rider, if nothing else.” His voice carries a slight hint of annoyance, one he hopes she doesn’t pick up.

She lifts an eyebrow, “Good luck with that, even if your dragon is magnificent, riders are very prideful people,” She turns her eyes away, “and don’t think for a second that you escape that stereotype, you also think you’re better than everyone else.” Xaden thinks that his beliefs that he’s better are founded unlike other riders who are incompetent, he doesn’t voice this out loud, however. She continues, becoming annoyed and not filtering her words, “And you have another problem besides being a Riorson, you are very unapproachable, you put that bitch face on and others might take offence.”

“I don’t care about what others think”

“Clearly, but it would be good to find a middle ground, maybe your life can be less tough that way. You can try to find things in common that transcend being a rider.” She returns her eyes to him, “My grandmother was Tyrrish you know? But after marrying my grandfather she moved to Luceras. She used to read me some beautiful novels when I was younger, my biggest regret is not learning the language when she tried to teach me. I would love to speak it now, it’s very beautiful.”

Xaden doesn’t understand what she’s trying to achieve by mentioning Tyrrish culture to him, does she want him to get emotional because Navarre burned his home? He’s not going to give her the satisfaction. “Most of it was burned.” he says, his voice clipped.

She ignored his harsh tone, “Grandmother didn’t live to see the burning of Aretia thank Zihnal, but I think she would have been very sad, angry too probably.”

Xaden deviated his eyes from her, he can imagine how her grandmother would have reacted, it would have been the same reaction he saw in those who were there that day. The ones who had their entire lives taken away from them, for the simple crime of living in Fen Riorson’s birth place. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I don’t want you to say anything. What your father did wasn’t right but the city was not at fault for his actions.”

He remains silent, as he always does when someone implies what his father did was wrong. Fen Riorson could be many things but he always tried to do what he thought was best, the Apostasy came from his desperation to protect the people outside the borders. Xaden knows now that he should’ve gone about it in a different way, still he’s unable to blame him. Alanara doesn’t know better however, she has been fed the lies of Navarre since she was little, he can never blame people who are blinded by their ignorance.

He looks up to the sky, the stars are dwindling meaning dawn is near, soon enough he’ll be flying to Violet. He’s reminded of how a week ago she’d told him he wouldn’t open up to her. Having this conversation with Alanara made him realize her complaints are not entirely unfounded. He doesn’t know how to answer when feelings and bitter memories become a subject, he simply shuts it down and avoids answering. He can do that with everyone else, Alanara doesn’t deserve to know any of his feelings on the burning of Aretia, but Violet does. He has to offer something real when she asks, not mere fragments. However, that’s easier said than done.

At this moment, he wished he could have a conversation with her, tell her anything she asked about, but he knew that wouldn’t be possible when he landed. His change in schedule made him lose the morning he would’ve had with Violet, and now he’d only have approximately two hours with her before Bodhi called him to meet with the marked ones. That is, if he had been successful in scheduling with everyone.

For one selfish second Xaden hoped Bodhi had failed.

He swallowed and replied to Alanara once more, “Let’s fly and finish the shift.”

“You’re terrible at making small talk, that’s why no one likes you,” she barked a laugh, “I wonder how you were able to bag your girlfriend.”

He almost broke his neck at how fast he turned to her, “How do you know I’m with someone?”

“My niece is in her third year, second wing i think, she said everyone was obsessed with the youngest Sorrengail last year but she paid no one attention.” She had a glint of amusement on her eyes, “So with that cranky face you carry all day long, how did you do it?”

Xaden huffed, he knew Violet had been the center of attentions last year. When he had first slept with her he had been so happy he was the one she was interested in, even if he didn’t acknowledge that happiness at the time. Xaden managed to do the unthinkable, he managed to get the girl that everyone was interested in only for him to be stupid enough to lose her in the same breath, maybe he did deserve his torment at Samara.

He wouldn’t turn melancholic now, so for the first time in the day he smirked and said, “No idea” which made Alanara burst into laughter.

Sgaeyl grew impatient and untucked her wings from her body and flew. She wanted to be with Tairn soon, Alanara’s dragon followed them into dawn.

— xx —

The first sight of Basgiath happened in the afternoon, two hours after lunch time. He let himself breathe a sight of relief, he could feel Violet now, as well as Sgaeyl could feel Tairn. He hadn’t tried to talk to her yet, he wasn’t even sure if she knew he was near, he had felt no change in her emotions. All he wanted to do was to go look for her, but he had to restrain himself, he didn’t want leadership to put him sleeping in the barracks, he wanted to be as discreet as possible and that couldn’t happen if he bursted into one of Violet’s classes.

Sgaeyl didn’t even wait for him to dismount her properly before she was flying again to find Tairn, he felt her shields go up immediately and was grateful that she had remembered that. He didn’t want to know what those two got up to when they were together.

He saw Bodhi right away as soon as he landed, waiting for him. Cuirr must have told him Sgaeyl was close. He was glad his cousin was the first face he saw once he got into Basgiath, he didn’t have any wish to cross paths with unfriendly faces.

Xaden lifted an eyebrow amused, “Aren’t you supposed to be in class?” he couldn’t help but tease.

Bodhi rolled his eyes, “You know it’s Saturday, we shouldn’t be having any classes but the teachers can’t do math.” He blew out a breath, “It’s assessment day and I have no desire of watching that mess, my Wingleader is there and that’s enough.”

Xaden sneaked a glance at him while they walked to Bodhi’s room, “You’re in a good mood.” he pointed out

“Don’t start.” he huffed a breath, clearly annoyed and while Xaden wanted to know what had crawled his cousin’s ass he decided not to push, “We’re meeting tonight, same spot as last year” he whispers. Bodhi had always had a need to talk about work when he was upset with something, he was like Xaden in that regard.

He decided to go along with Bodhi, “Has Imogen already spoken with everyone?” He didn’t get any answered and when he turned to look to his cousin he looked uncomfortable, “What?”

Bodhi quickly got his words out, “We’re fighting I have no idea what she’s been up to. I know she knows about the meeting, Sloane told me she does.”

“You’re–” Imogen and Bodhi had never fought before, they could have their issues but it never translated into a fight. Imogen could hold a grudge like no other, yet Bodhi had never been the victim of it. “Why are you fighting?”

Bodhi waved his hand as if it was unimportant, but Xaden knew that he did it because he didn’t want to talk about it. It also meant Bodhi probably knew he was wrong. His cousin was one of those people who liked to explain over and over again why he was right, so when he didn't want to talk about it it was because he knew he had done something he shouldn’t.

Xaden narrowed his eyes, “What did you do?”

Bodhi furrowed his eyebrows and pursed his lips, “You’re supposed to be on my side!” he complained. Xaden only lifted an eyebrow which made Bodhi sigh, “I might have been rude to her and insinuated that she wasn’t doing her job correctly” He grimaced as he said the words out loud “Among other things.”

Xaden sighed, dragging a hand through his face. One week. He had left them alone one week and yet here they were fighting. “I’m not even going to say why that was stupid of you to do but i want you to be on speaking terms until i have to fly out.”

Bodhi crossed his arms and it made Xaden remember the times when they were younger and his cousin was denied something he wanted. He used to throw the loudest fits when things didn’t go his way. “That’s not how it works.”

“Then make it work.”

Bodhi rolled his eyes and didn't say anything, but Xaden knew he would speak with Imogen, they couldn’t be angry at each other for long. They needed to stay united, they had eyes on them all the time they couldn’t distract themselves with petty fightings among them.

As they’re climbing the stairs, familiar voices could be heard. Him and Bodhi exchange looks and hide behind a wall as if they’re ten years old again trying to eavesdrop on their parents’ conversations.

“I feel like I’m losing my mind.” Violet was whispering. He couldn’t see her, for he was hidden by the wall, but it appeared she was in an enclosed window pan. He knew that place, it was where he, Garrick and Bodhi had discussed many of their plans together. It gave a wide view over the staircase that followed to the dorms, and the window also allowed for a person to see who arrives from the flight field.

“Oh you definitely are.” Imogen swiftly answers, by her voice Xaden can tell she’s smirking.

“Imogen be nice.” Violet reprimands, “what do you think?”

“Anything could be there, but I mean guards?” Imogen sounded worried, “Are you sure Rhiannon didn’t hallucinate it?” There’s a long silence that follows that question, “Fine, I’m sorry don’t look at me like that.” She sighs, “Are you planning to find out what it is?”

“Absolutely not. Rhi said Varrish was around and I don’t want anything to do with him.” There was a pause in which both Xaden and Bodhi tried to get closer without being noticed. “Speaking of him, Mira said he was removed from his post at Montserrat because he went too far with the torture.”

“So what you’re saying is we need to be careful.” he could hear the reluctance in Imogen’s voice.

“What I’m saying is that what happened yesterday wasn’t an accident, but you already knew that.”

Xaden turned a questioning look at Bodhi who only mouthed “later”. He tried not to get anxious with the lack of information. He could’ve digged the information out of Bodhi’s mind, but something told him he needed to hear this directly from his cousin’s mouth, not his mind. At the forefront none of them seemed to be injured so he pushed his concerns to the back of his mind. He turned to focus on the conversation again.

“It could be a weapon.” Imogen says, “what’s down there I mean, it could be a weapon.”

Violet adopted a skeptical tone, “What kind of weapon needs mending?”

“I don’t know” a minute of silence stretched, as if the two of them had moved out of their secluded place, but Xaden knew they were still there, “a human one perhaps.”

Violet scoffed, “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Don’t be naive.” Imogen returned and by her reprimanding tone Xaden could guess the look she was leveling on Violet.

“Fair.” Violet sighs, “Rhiannon asked why we were running this morning.”

“So did Bodhi.”

“You’re talking to him again?” Violet sounded surprised.

Imogen exhaled something that could be interpreted as a laugh, “Of course not. He was just being nosy.”

“What did you tell him?” Violet’s tone was flippant, as if she didn’t want to know the answer. Xaden knew her better than that, her thirst for knowledge was never ending.

“I ignored him, Quinn was nearby, I had an excuse.”

Violet hummed, “I told Rhiannon Xaden made you do it.”

Imogen’s voice carried a hint of delight, “Did you really?”

Violet huffed, “No.” Imogen barked a laugh, “I told her I’m used to training with you.”

“You’re a terrible liar.” The insult held a warmth to her voice.

“It wasn’t a lie.”

“I guess it wasn’t.” Imogen exhaled, “we should get going or your friends will think I kidnapped you.”

He could hear Violet shift from her reclined position against the wall, “I could totally fry you.”

“Yeah you definitely could, but they haven’t seen what you can do have they?”

Violet’s voice started drifting away as both of them started walking, “Has anyone told you that you have the weirdest ways of complimenting someone?” They weren’t able to listen to Imogen’s response.

Xaden and Bodhi walked quietly to the third floor, both thinking about the conversation they had just heard and surely trying to decipher it. Xaden was catching flies and he didn’t like the feeling.

As soon as Bodhi’s door closed behind them he said, “Start talking. What happened yesterday?”

“Before you get mad I was going to tell you but it had to be somewhere private.” He takes a deep breath and Xaden prepares himself for the blow. “Ciaran died yesterday—”

He quickly interrups Bodhi, “How?—”

“Let me finish, will you?” He waits until Xaden sits in his bed before he starts speaking again, “After the Parapet the first years were all assigned to their squads as usual. When the time for the dragons to scare the newbys came there were six dragons on the dais instead of the usual five. I thought it unusual but maybe one of the dragons was with their pride hurt, and that’s why they decided to pay us a visit.”

“Who was the rider of the dragon?”

“I was going to get there, will you shut up and listen? Anyway as always there were a few runners, and usually they get burned instantaneously right?” Xaden nods, “But this time, this orange dragon waits until the runners reach the Parapet before he burns them. As you know fourth wing is always the one who stands closest to the Parapet which meant that when he breathed the fire we would all burn. We were all focused on the runners but apparently Violet is smarter than us all because she was watching the dragon and realized what was going to happen. When she screamed for everyone to get down I didn’t even think twice, but those who didn’t do what she said burned.” Bodhi swipes a hand through his hair, “Then Major Varrish made a speech about how the wings were only as strong as their weakest rider but his eyes were definitely focused on Violet. Tairn appeared out of nowhere and almost killed Varrish right there, unfortunately I think Violet stopped him.”

Xaden stays quiet for a moment, processing everything Bodhi has said. He knew that as soon as he stepped foot outside of Basgiath Violet would become even more of a target, he just didn’t foresee them acting so fast. She was in danger because of her ties to him and that made him sick to his stomach. The fact that Varrish didn’t even try to hide that his sole focus was on Violet specifically, made Xaden even more on edge. “This is worse than I thought.” was all he managed to say.

If he was still the same man from last year he would step away from Violet to protect her, but she had given him three special words. He had become selfish when it came to her and he didn’t even feel guilty for doing so. He loved her and wanted to continue to fight for her. He had realized that each time he had stepped away from her last year he had let Navarre win. They wanted him miserable and unhappy, he wouldn’t give them that satisfaction, he would stand by her side and pray to whoever was listening that he'd be enough to protect her.

Navarre wasn’t even waiting for everyone to get accustomed to their new roles before they started attacking those who were at Resson. They moved fast and within one week they had one less standing. He returns his gaze at Bodhi who’s watching him closely, waiting for instructions on what to do. While he’s touched that his cousin trusts his decisions he needs Bodhi to start thinking for himself too.

He lowers his voice even though he implicitly trusts the room’s sound shield, however he always needs to assume someone is better at the craft than they are. “Do you think they know we’re smuggling weapons out?”

Bodhi thinks his question through before answering, “If they knew we wouldn’t be breathing by now, but I think they suspect we’re doing something.”

A thought crosses Xaden’s mind, “Do you think that’s why they let me and Garrick stay together?”

“No idea.” Bodhi sighs, “I think we need to be more discreet when it comes to the runs and maybe the smuggling too. We need to find a way to properly manipulate the official number of the daggers being produced. They know there have been daggers missing consistently.”

“They have no proof,” Xaden says, “we’ve been careful in not stealing a huge amount of daggers, they can be proven as counting mistakes.” Xaden tries to convince both of them, “but yes we can try to figure something out, we ought to be more careful anyway.”

“Have you found the forge in Samara?” Xaden nods, “is it bigger?”

Xaden shakes his head, “It’s actually smaller, but it’s being used to produce arrows as well so we have more diversity in the weapons which means they end up producing more in quantity.”

“Syrena will like that”

“I couldn’t care less about what Syrena likes” he sighs, “if she tells me one more time the weapons aren’t enough I might tell her to steal them herself.”

Bodhi scoffs knowing full well that Xaden won’t go through with the threat, even if he could. It would be more trouble than it’s worth, the Assembly would annoy him more than he was able to handle. “How’s Samara?” Bodhi changed the subject.

Xaden didn’t want to worry Bodhi, his cousin already had too much on his plate, he could handle himself at Samara. “It’s fine. The food’s better.” He said, trying to sound honest. As he didn’t wish for more questions on Samara he changed the subject again, “What did Violet and Imogen mean by that talk of guards guarding something?”

Bodhi shook his head “No idea, I haven’t heard anything involving guards and Varrish but if you’re worried we can see what we can find.” Which meant he wasn’t going to ask Imogen directly about it, it would have to be Xaden asking Violet about the conversation he overheard. He wondered how that fight would go. Bodhi continued, “Why is Varrish after Violet anyway? What has she done to piss him off?”

Xaden shrugged as if he hadn’t been worried all week about Violet being in the same space as him. His concerns had been proven true if yesterday’s display was anything to go by. “I don’t know a lot about him, only that he came to replace Aetos and was friendly enough with him, that’s enough for me not to like him. He’s after Violet because she was with us at Resson and that’s enough reason to go after her.”

“So he knows what happened that night.”

He doesn’t see the point in lying. “Yeah I think he does.”

“We’ll handle him.” Bodhi says with a confidence Xaden doesn’t feel. He doesn’t refute Bodhi, no need to insert negative ideas in Bodhi’s head.

They were arranging all the weapons into one single bag when he felt it, panic coming from Violet’s end of the bond. He stopped in his tracks and tried to reach her but her emotions were all over the place and Tairn was blocking him from her.

“What’s happening?” he growled to Sgaeyl. Somewhere far away he could hear Bodhi asking him what was going on.

“All Tairn said is that the Silver One is taking care of it.” He was already moving, but stopped when Sgaeyl said, “Hold on.”

“Xaden” Bodhi finally got his attention. He was standing in front of his door, stopping Xaden from leaving without an explanation.

“Something is wrong,” was all he said,

“What do you mean?” Bodhi tried once more.

“I’m not sure” he tried to reach for Sgaeyl but he had been blocked, she was probably talking to Tairn, which annoyed him when he didn’t know what was happening.

“Stop trying to overthrow my shields shadow wielder,” Sgaeyl warned him before continuing, “Someone sent an assassin, the Silver One thinks it was the Colonel. She killed the man that attacked her and refused to go to the infirmary. Glane’s rider is with her.'' Before his rage could blind him his dragon said, “I would advise you to not act on impulse. She’s fine, if you start rampaging through the college they’ll limit your time here and if you do that I’ll have no problems about letting Tairn eat you.”

He ignored her threat, “She’s fine? Are you sure?” he demanded.

He could feel Sgaeyl’s annoyance at him for daring to question her “A bit scarred but yes, she’s fine”

“Show me what happened” he demanded.

“Tairn said no” Sgaeyl answered.

He let out a grunt, “Tell him that I need—”

Her answer was gentle but firm, “His answer is still no shadow wielder. You can see her when she’s released from class” he had no option but to accept it.

Xaden’s eyes refocused again, “Aetos sent an assassin for Violet,” he informed Bodhi who widened his eyes, “Violet killed him, and apparently she’s fine,” he wouldn’t be relived until he set his own eyes on her, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to do that until she left the mats.

Bodhi looked confused, “Wasn’t she on the mats? For assessment day?”

“She is.”

“They just sent an assassin in broad daylight?”

Xaden nodded not saying anything else, he was too angry to think about the implications of what had happened. Bodhi noticed his mood and let him remain quiet, not waiting for an answer. They finished packing the weapons in silence and when they finished Xaden headed to Violet’s room and let himself in.

It was as it always had been, tidy and organized. Her weaponry had grown since the last time he had been here, even if most of the daggers were too heavy for her. They were proof of her fierceness on the mat. They were proof of what she was capable of.

He noticed new books had been added to her shelf, mostly fiction novels, she must’ve gotten them between his leave and the Parapet. Cadets were allowed to visit home if they lived near Basgiath, she must’ve gone to her old room to get them. He also noticed two empty bottles on her nightstand, but didn’t dare to inspect further. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know if they had been water bottles or something else.

He heard footsteps approaching on the other side of the door, the pull of the bond told him it was Violet.

As she made her way in he saw the red skin around her throat, it was clear they were a man’s handprints, huge and rough on her soft skin. The sight made him want to break his promise to Sgaeyl by going after Aetos and kill him personally. He had sent the assassin to her, he was the cause of her pain and discomfort. Xaden could see by the furrow of her brows and her tight expression that she was hurting, more than she would be willing to admit. He approached her in three quick strides ready to cup her face into his hands and inspect the damage himself, but stopped short. He wasn’t allowed to touch her freely, he had lost that privilege, and they were alone, no reason for her to endure his touches. He took a breath and with fear of rejection, he asked. “Can I touch you?”

Violet hesitated, watching him closely. His panic must have shown in his face for she relented, “Yes, but be gentle” her voice hoarse.

He cupped her face and traced the red skin with the other hand carefully, almost reverently, so as to not to hurt her. Sgaeyl hadn’t told him it was this bad. The skin was tender where he touched and by the raspiness of her voice he could tell she hadn’t eaten anything yet. “Would you eat a soup if I went and brought it up?” He asked his hands still on her skin.

She licked her lips, thinking for a moment, “Yes.” she mumbled, then locked eyes with him “I killed him.”

“I know,” he could see the faraway look in her eyes, she had never enjoyed being the cause of someone’s death, even if that someone deserved it. If he could he would do anything to protect her from it, but unfortunately he couldn’t. He tried to convey that to her with his next words, “I wish it had been me.”

The right corner of her lip moved slowly, almost imperceptible, but he noticed, he had been looking at her for way too long to not know every single one of her expressions. “You can’t go around killing cadets, you’re a Lieutenant now.”

He scoffed, his thumb slowly dragging itself through her neck, in circular movements, slowly massaging it, “Who’s gonna stop me? Pancheck?”

Violet rolled her eyes, a hint of amusement in her actions, “Stop being stubborn.” She swallowed, and her eyes shifted from provocative to a more timid glow “Why are you late?”

“My Commander Officer dignified me with an extra shift” he told her, making sure every bit of annoyance slipped into his voice. “I had half a mind to curse him but Sgaeyl was already furious and I had to be the one to keep the reins somehow.”

She gave him a smile that melted his insides, “It can’t always be her.”

He smirked, amused, “You’re on her side now?”

“She breathes fire. I'll always be on her side.” She sighed and stepped away from Xaden’s hands, he felt her absence right away. “I’m gonna shower” she informed.

He nodded, “I’ll go get you food”

“Bring me the spicy soup please, it always soothes my throat.” she looked at him pledingly until he nodded his agreement, but she hadn’t needed to wait for it, he’d do anything she asked of him.

As he made his way downstairs he met Imogen and Quinn on their way up the dorms. They were happily chatting about some gossip they had heard, when they saw him they stopped.

Imogen asked, “How’s she?”

Xaden crossed his arms, “More sore than she’s willing to admit,”

She nodded, “Sounds like her. The only person more stubborn than her that I know of is you.”

Xaden pursed his lips, “Thanks for the compliment.” He changed the subject, he needed to tackle this issue down, “Has Bodhi spoken to you yet?”

Imogen snorted, “Bodhi? Speaking to me?” she huffed, “When he gets his head out of his ass maybe he’ll talk to me but until then he might as well not even try.”

Xaden dragged a hand through his face, “I can’t believe you’re both fighting.”

“Me and you both,” Quinn interjected, “You haven’t even told me why you’re fighting.” she addressed Imogen.

“I already told you, Bodhi needs to get his head out of his ass, he’s being an asshole.” She kept her answer short and sweet. A tone which she usually reserved when she was truly annoyed with someone, it was usually used for Garrick.

“He was an assole” Xaden admitted, “but not to the point where you can’t forgive him” he added almost pleading for them not to make his life harder.

It was Quinn who answered “Maybe not, but he’s still an asshole and not just to her.” she jerked her head to the dinning hall, “Rhiannon Mathias told me he also fought with Sorrengail so I think he’s just in a mood.” She turned to Imogen. “You should’ve heard the insults Rhiannon threw his way when you got up to get more food.”

Xaden widened his eyes, “What do you mean he fought with Violet?”

Imogen smirked, “You mean to tell me Bodhi told you we were fighting but didn’t tell you they had fought too?” She turned to Quinn, “This is gold,” she turned back to Xaden, “Violet was more annoyed than pissed, but Bodhi felt offended that she threatened to stab him.”

“She threatens to stab everyone.” Quinn quipped. “He shouldn’t be offended.”

“That’s what Sawyer said when we talked about it,” Imogen answered.

“I know I was there” Quinn smiled and then focused on Xaden, “see if you can talk some sense into your cousin’s head because if I catch one more death glare between these two I might lose it.”

Imogen rolled her eyes, “You’re so dramatic.” When she saw Xaden’s expression she added, “me and Bodhi will fight it out, we always do.”

Xaden sighed, “I won’t put myself between the two of you, nor will I be delivering messages because you refuse to speak with one another. Figure yourselves out.” Imogen only nodded and continued her way upstairs.

When he reached the dining hall he quickly made his way to the food table and grabbed the soup Violet had requested, as well as cake for himself. He hadn’t eaten anything since the short break at his shift and knew Sgaeyl was going to bother him sooner than later if he didn’t eat.

When he returned to Violet’s bedroom she had already returned from her shower. She was sitting on her bed crossed legs, her hair was loose and her armor draped over a bench, drying. She didn’t look at him when he came in, she had her eyes fixed on some spot on the wall. When he handed her the soup she stared at it for a long time, not touching it. He let her be for a while, busying himself with sitting in the cushioned chair near the window and eating his cake slowly. The only movement Violet was making was rotating the bowl in her hands, as if seeking the warmth it emanated. When he finished his cake he grabbed his knifes and started sharpening them, she hadn’t touched her soup yet.

“You need to eat,” he said softly, not wanting to spook her.

“I’m not hungry” she replied without looking at him.

He sighs, “Violet–”

“I lost my appetite,” she complained.

“If you don’t eat properly you won’t heal, your body needs sustenance.” He tried to reason.

She scrunched up her nose and furrowed her eyebrows. He thought her cute but didn’t voice that out loud lest she took it the wrong way. “I hate it when you make good arguments.” She grumbled, grabbing the spoon and finally eating. “How’s Samara?” she asked.

He opened his mouth to give her the same answer he had given Bodhi, not wanting to worry her but stopped short. He had promised that he’d answer all her questions with honesty had he not? Those were his rules, he couldn’t break them when she played by them.

She was looking at him attentively, waiting for an answer, her eyes defiant almost waiting for him to either lie or avoid an honest answer. “It’s hard.” he started, her shoulders relaxed as she waited for him to continue, “I’m being constantly watched, I’m not allowed to be alone in a shift, and me and Garrick can’t even eat just the two of us.”

She looked concerned, “Is it because they suspect something?”

“I don’t know” he sighs, “Bodhi says if they knew anything we’d have already been killed, but I think they know something’s amiss. Either way I think I would’ve still been treated the same way, committing treason or not.” He shrugged his shoulders.

Her expression softens, “I’m sorry–”

“Don’t be” he smiles, “I get the worst of it, both the Colonel and the other riders don’t bother Garrick as much, which I’m thankful for, he even has the privilege of being alone in a shift. I think the last name does it more than the relic.”

She smiles, “It’s still unfortunate that it happens. Is that why they gave you an extra shift today?”

He returns her smile, “Maybe.” He tries to act nonchalant, running his fingers through his hair, “the most annoying part is them doubting my abilities as a rider, as if I don’t have a signet and a dragon to prove my worth.”

She hums, “People will believe what they want to believe, if they want to believe a dragon would never choose Fen Riorson’s son they’re gonna do that.” She continues to eat her soup in small spoonfuls. He knows she’s speaking from experience, many have doubted that Tairn would ever choose her, even her own mother. She has had to prove herself over and over again to be deemed worthy of a dragon. “And for what’s worth I don’t think you need your signet or Sgaeyl to prove your worth, you’re a capable leader and fighter own your own. They just add to it.”

He was both bewildered and amazed by her, “You’re the person who has the most faith in me.”

She opens her mouth and closes it again, she waits and reorganizes her thoughts, choosing her words carefully. He thinks, by her expression, that she was going to say something snarky but regretted it last minute. When he thinks she won’t say anything more she finally says. “Of course I do.” She shrugged as if she wasn’t currently shifting the axis that his life relied upon.

“That’s really important to me” He admitted before he could control himself, but he didn’t regret it. He smiled at her and she looked away from his gaze, suddenly shy. He could see a faint blush on her cheeks, his chest filled with pride for making her react that way. He had done something right, maybe they were getting closer to her forgiving him.

She finished her soup in silence, then reached for her nightstand to grab her comb. She was detangling the knots in her hair quietly and swiftly. Her silver locks cascading down as she finished section by section. He had to close his fist and restart sharpening one of his daggers, so he wouldn’t do anything stupid like reaching his arm out to touch her hair. “How was your week?” he asked to distract himself from her movements.

She tensed and let out a full ragged breath. His thoughts immediately went to the worst possibles scenarios, and he himself became anxious. She hadn’t expressed that something out of the ordinary had happened, even if she showdown with Varrish after the Parapet was worrying. He wondered what could possibly make her tense up this way. He remained quiet and waited patiently for her to express herself. “The Parapet was awful.” she whispered, “so much death… and they looked so young Xaden.” she looked at him, her eyes vulnerable, begging. “I couldn’t watch them fall.”

He had to be careful in how he responded to her, he couldn’t be the ruthless guy he had been last year when she had shown him any type of vulnerability. He didn’t want to anyway, he wanted to be what she needed, and something told him that this time she needed his compassion more than anything. “That’s okay, it’s worse to watch the younger ones die than our peers in the Gauntlet and Threshing.”

She let out a choked laugh, as if his response was ludicrous “I don’t even want to know their names.” After that it all just came tumbling down, as if a dam had broken inside her where she kept all her anxiety in, “I know Sloane’s and Cam’s, which is Aaric now even if it’s an awful choice for a name and I keep wishing I didn’t even know theirs. I killed someone today and I didn’t feel anything, not when I put a dagger through his neck and saw the blood splashing, not when I saw his dead body, not even when I was in the shower and everything was quiet. I sent candidates to their deaths yesterday and I didn’t even spare them a second though. I can’t even recognize myself, oh and Sloane hates me, as she should I mean I understand her, but it’s all a bit ironic because I–”

She was spiraling, Xaden got up and sat by her side on the bed and grabbed her chin to make her look into his eyes. Her gaze was out of focus and he knew she wasn’t talking to Tairn because they were both blocked. “Breathe Violet, breathe.” She didn’t hear him, she continued to tremble and her breathing was irregular. He took her hand and put it above his heart, which despite the fear he felt seeing her like this was beating steadily, at a normal rhythm. He breathed in and out in the hopes that she would follow him. He had no idea what he was doing, he was going off by instinct alone hoping it would help her get out of her panic attack. After a few seconds that felt like hours she started to follow his breathing patterns. Finally Violet seemed to calm down as she took a gulp of fresh air and he could see her slowly stop trembling. “You’re fine.” he whispered.

She shook her head, as she regularized her breathing and her eyes refocused. She deviated her gaze from Xaden as her cheeks reddened. “I shouldn’t be feeling like this, this is so pathetic. I can’t get a hold of myself.” She let out a frustrated grunt and got up from the bed pacing the room. “And why are you telling me this is fine?” she said suddenly upset with him, he could tell she was itching for a fight, “If I was anyone else you’d tell to suck up and deal with it, welcome to being a rider” she pulled at her hair roots, clearly distressed.

“Yes” he admitted, speaking as softly as he could, “but you’re not anyone else are you?” that made her stop pacing, she licked her lips, her gaze penetrating his, her eyes still angry, with him or herself he wasn’t sure. “The first year is when some of us lose–”

“Don’t.” She groaned before he could finish, “I don’t want to hear any moral lessons you have to say to make me feel better, just tell me to suck it up.”

“I’m not going to tell you that.”

She turned her back on him, “You’re being stubborn and inconsequential.”

“Violet–” he tried.

“I just can’t believe this happened. I can’t believe I lost my marbles in front of you of all people.” He did his best to not to take it as an offense, she was hurt and overwhelmed. She was probably embarrassed about the whole ordeal. Still, it stung. “My mother taught me better than this” she mumbled more to herself than him.

Xaden didn’t want to talk about her mother and he was sure she didn’t want to either, even if she was thinking about her out loud. None of them were in the right headspace to even start unpacking what things her mother had taught her. He already hated the General for himself, he didn’t need more reasons to want her dead, at least not at the moment. To see if she would turn back to him and stop mumbling he asked, “Will I be able to convince you that what you’re feeling is normal or do you want me to change the subject?”

She turned to inspection him, he tried to be as open book as he could, he hoped it would be enough. When she found what she was looking for she sat down beside him again, “change the subject.” she told him briskly.

He hummed, they would revisit this conversation sooner or later, he’d make sure of it, “I have a birthday present for you”

“You what?” Her eyes widened, he had taken her by surprise. He took more pride in that than he should have.

He smirked, getting up and reaching for his bag to take both the letter and the hair pins. He noticed their glint under the moonlight that streamed in through the window. Night had settled, Bodhi would be making his way to Violet’s room soon.

He crouched in front of Violet, standing on his knees before her. It hit him that he had never been on his knees before someone, just as it had a few weeks ago when he kneeled for this same woman in his room, bringing her to the brick of pleasure. He reached the same conclusion he had reached then — he would kneel before her forever if she asked him too. “I had these made for you in Aretia after you woke up, but I guessed you were too mad at me for me to gift them.”

“What makes you think I’m not mad at you now?” She says but it carries no bite, too busy reaching for the pins in his hand.

“I don’t think you’re mad enough that you’d throw them away.” He isn't a fool, he knows she’s still furious at him, but he’s trying to make amends. He doesn’t think his mere presence brings her to the brick of anger anymore, at least not now.

She had a shocked look on her face. “I would’ve never thrown them away” she paused, thinking, “actually that’s a lie, I definitely would, you’re right” it made the both of them laugh. “Thank you they’re beautiful.” she said while inspecting them.

The hair pins were tiny, just like the ones she liked to use, but he had these personalized especially for her. They were covered in drawings of dragon scales, resembling both Tairn and Andarna, even if the golden dragon wasn’t gold anymore. He had also made sure to insert runes, or rather drawings of them, seeing as the pins were too tiny to imbue power into. Runes of strength, beauty and fierceness would adorn her hair every time she wore the pins, and they might not contain any power, but at least she’d carry a bit of Tyrrish culture with her, as if she’d carry Xaden himself with her.

When she finished admiring the pins she noticed the letter in his hand. “What’s that in your hand?”

“This is my way of letting you in” he answered sincerely, hoping the speech he had prepared in his flight here made sense to her. “We don't have nearly enough time together as I would like and most of the time we do have we might be fighting or one of us injured.” He let his hand touch the redness in her throat, “I want to show you, to prove to you that I’m committed to this relationship, that I want to fix it, no matter what that looks like or how hard it’ll be” he resisted the urge to kiss her, he didn’t want to disrespect her. And just because she was letting him touch her more freely didn’t mean he was forgiven. “I’ll earn both your trust and your heart back, none of this is worth it without you.” he finished.

She just started back at him with an uncertain look and before he could try to assure her once more a knock came on the door. Violet startled, clearly not expecting it but he already knew what it was.

“Already?” He asked Bodhi quietly as soon as he opened the door, making the conscious decision of hiding Violet from view. No one needed to see her at her most vulnerable, hair down, without an armor and injured.

Bodhi nodded “We need to go.”

“Give me a minute.” Xaden closed the door again to say goodbye to Violet.

“Where are you going?” She asked as soon as he turned around, clutching his letter in her hands.

He saw no point in lying to her, he was sure she already suspected the answer “To meet with the marked ones” he kneeled again in front of her, “I’ll crash at Bodhi’s, I know you probably don’t want me here right now.” She didn’t agree nor deny, she only kept staring at him. He had the feeling she could see his deepest secrets in his orbits. “Please stay safe”

“You just flew nine-hours straight, you need to rest.” she protested and her care for him warmed his heart. He had to be doing something right if she still worried for him.

“I’ll rest later” he tried to appease her.

“Don’t lie to me” she grabbed his chin gently. “I know you’re crashing at Bodhi’s because you think you probably won’t return at decent hours” She knew him to be selfish, and she was right, he would’ve stayed with her if not for the fear of waking her up once he returned, and she needed to sleep. “You need to rest.” She repeated.

“I don’t have that luxury.” She tried to refute but he interrupted her, “I’ll see you at breakfast before I fly out.” he promised.

It was clear she didn’t like the fact that he was going, but she understood she had no other choice but to accept it. “Be careful.”

“I always am.” he said, which made her roll her eyes and made him crack a smile.

He made his way out the door and he and Bodhi started walking where the meeting would take place. “Did you and Violet fight?” he decided to have the conversation now instead of delaying it further.

“Did she tell you that?” Bodhi asked, annoyed, by the tone of his voice Xaden understood Bodhi was ready to defend himself from whatever Violet could have said about him.im.

“Didn’t mention a word actually, it was all Imogen.”

Bodhi rolled his eyes, “of course she did”

He asks something that had been going around his mind since Imogen told him, “Why did you even fight?” Bodhi only shrugged his shoulders, not offering any other answer, “Can you try to at least know her?”

“She’s using you” Bodhi said, his tone clipped.

Xaden had the urge to roll his eyes, but restrained himself from doing so, “My relationship with Violet concerns only us both. I don't need you patrolling it” he answered in a firm tone, he might not be sure about a lot of things regarding Violet but this he knew. Their issues were their own to fix, no outsiders allowed. “You don’t have to like her but you have to at least be civil. She already has Navarre trying to make her life harder; she doesn’t need you adding to it.”

A flash of guilt marred Bodhi’s face, as if he hadn’t thought about it that way, “Fine, I’m sorry.”

“It’s not me you have to apologize to,” he said just before they arrived at the scheduled place. It was already full of marked ones, waiting for him. He took one look around and then looked for Imogen who let him know that everyone was present. He pushed all of his concerns to the back of his mind and made sure his shields were firm in place, he had a role to play now.

He stared at the marked ones and started, “How many did we loose in the Parapet?”

Notes:

Hiiii i'm not dead !! good news for me and bad news for y'all, as many of you in the northern hemisphere might have noticed summer is coming which comes with its own set of rules. Those include that me and my friends are coming out of hibernation which means less time at home and more time outside touching grass. This has unfortunately reduced the time I have for writing, but don't worry, unless i specifically say so this fic is not abandoned. You might wanna tune in my tumblr for updates tho if u want to.

If you're wondering how the hell can you make hair pins have drawings and texture idk either but this is a magical world I guess everything is possible.

is this chapter even good ?? idk but I had fun writing it (it also annoyed me to no end but oh well not everything can be good) so I hope you had fun.

thank you so much for your lovely comments I can't wait to see what you think about this one.

Chapter 8

Summary:

violet has some questionable autodestructive coping mechanisms

Notes:

i truly hate this chapter but im also sick of it and if I stare at these words one minute longer I might actually jump off a bridge. Enjoy.

My body has always betrayed me, it never allowed me to reach my full potential, this has always been the truth. I have always been weak, physically at least. It shouldn’t be this surprising that the signet my body chose, although powerful, was also the one who could kill me the fastest.

— Excerpt from The Book of Brennan written by Violet Sorrengail

Lightning tore through the black sky, the deafening roar of thunder filled the air as the horizon blazed white and power surged through her veins. A tree in the distance erupted in flames, the surrounding grass following a second later. The wind hollowed fiercely, spreading the flames beyond the tree, at a rapid pace. The lightning’s fury burning it all to ashes. The commotion startled a flock of birds, making them migrate from their nest. The oldest among them chirped loudly, probably offended at the disruption of its sleep.

Despite the lightning show and the indignant birds, Violet still missed her target. The lightning bolter was supposed to hit a massive rock near the river’s downstream, not the tree more than twenty meters away from it.

She growled, frustrated, throwing her jacket to the ground in manifestation. “This is so pathetic.”

The wind howled stronger as if answering to her frustration, and a tremor made its way through Violet’s body. Despite still being summer, the air was cold. She shot an angry look at the jacket she had just thrown, as if it carried the blame of being on the ground instead of around her shoulders.

“If you stopped doubting yourself every time you tried to wield maybe you would’ve hit your target at least once.” Tairn grumbled in her mind, not showing her any mercy in his words.

She shot him a crossed look behind her shoulder, with half a mind to send him away. She didn’t need to be coddled but there was no need in pointing out her failures, she had eyes. The only problem with that plan was that she wouldn’t be able to return to her room without his help, she needed to fly.

They were at the top of a hill thirty minutes out of Basgiath. In a secluded place her Dragon had known, it was located beyond the mountains that protected the college. The landscape had no houses nearby, making it the perfect spot for what she needed to do. Tairn had laid behind her while she tried to practice the exercises Felix had taught her. During that time Violet had come to the conclusion that Felix’s teachings were terrible, as she was failing spectacularly at them all. She had maybe five more lightnings strikes in her before exhaustion took over her and Tairn forbade her from continuing, lest she reached burnout. “You’re not helping.” She snapped.

Tairn released an exhale of warm breath towards her, “You’re too impatient with yourself. You don’t need to release your power right away when you get a hold of it. Control it first, release after.” He repeated the teachings Felix had taught her.

“I can’t wait that long in a battle.” She refuted, “If I take five minutes to aim I’m already dead.”

His voice took on a sarcastic tone, “And where do you see a battle happening Silver One?” Which only made Violet more annoyed, clearly her dragon didn’t understand that they could go to battle at any time in the foreseeable future.

She needed to be ready if and when that were to happen. She didn’t have the luxury of being patient with herself, that had never been something Violet could do. She had to be the best, and for that to become a reality she needed to do everything right on first try. If she only succeeded later she would be like everyone else. Even when studying for the scribes she had this mindset, she had to make both her parents and Markham proud. She was a Sorrengail and she needed to excel at every task. Her father used to scold her for that behavior but he died before she could let it go, and her mother had only reinforced what Violet believed in further.

“You are practicing, you do not need to be perfect in the first try.” Tairn continued, contradicting her thoughts, “If you behaved like this in a battle we would be dead,” he conceded, “but as it is we’re currently not in one, so take your time while you can. It’s better to take a long time to master your signet than never mastering it at all.”

She didn’t answer, it was useless to argue with him, instead she turned her back on Tairn and focused on her target. She was set on landing on her chosen target at least once before she reached the beginning of a burn out.

She took a deep breath, focusing on slowing down her heartbeat. She then planted her feat on her mental archives and turned towards the door that represented Tairn. She opened it slowly, as to achieve the little amount Felix had mentioned to her. It was easier to open it only the fraction that she needed now than it had been the first time she had done this. When she felt she had opened it enough to only release the amount of power she wanted she locked it in place and opened her eyes. The night was dark and the moon wasn’t full so there was little illumination, yet she felt as if she could see everything as if it was day.

She knew where her target was.

The rock by the river was a huge shadow in the distance, she narrowed her eyes on it and focused. She started channeling, her conduit lit up in her bracelet, absorbing all the power emanating from her. Violet fixed her eyes on the rock and without delay released her power.

Lightning and thunder echoed once more in the dark skies.

Violet missed.

“This is stupid” she mumbled under her breath trying as hard as she could to not rip her hair out in frustration.

Tairn sounded bored, “I’m still wondering why you’re wielding with lightning from the sky instead of trying for smaller things.”

Violet bursted, “I’m not gonna need small in a battle”

She felt Tairn roll her eyes at her mentally, if dragons could even do that, “I didn’t bond someone naive, if you really think that you’ll only need strong lightning strikes, then you have learned nothing” he said, and she could feel his annoyance through the bond.

She knew he was right of course, but she had found out that the more exhausted she fell, the less likely she was of having nightmares. And besides sex, wielding was what left her the most pliable. She wasn’t about to have sex with anyone soon, so might as well exhaust herself with her signet.

She wasn’t in the mood of being vulnerable however, so there was no way she would be admitting this to Tairn.

She tried for a flimsy excuse, “You’re the one being naive if you think Venin won’t need a full strike to be taken down. They are not weak creatures, in case you’ve forgotten.” She knew it was not a good idea to disagree with Tairn, especially in matters such as these. He had much more experience than she ever could possess, but she was disappointed and angry at herself for everything that was happening in her life. She needed an outlet for the mess that were her emotions. Since Tairn was the only other soul around he had become her victim.

Tairn also realized this, he knew her better than anyone could. She didn’t need to admit her trouble sleeping, or her anger, he just knew. He was part of her. Because he knew her so well he did the thing that would annoy her the most, he shut down the conversation, “That's enough, let's go back, you need to sleep.”

She didn’t bother answering him through the bond. Her vocal cords were in a perfectly good state. “Absolutely not, I’m not even close to burnout.” They both knew this to be a lie, but she hadn’t reached the point of exhaustion she needed yet.

“One more strike and you’ll fall on your knees.” Tairn fired back.

She was about to protest when a yawn made its way out of her mouth. It would be useless to try to refute Tairn when she had just proved his point. She could feel his amusement through the bond and for a second she wondered if someone as tiny as her could take on a dragon as huge as Tairn.

She sighed and crossed her arms in defeat. “Fine, but I hope you know I’m not going willingly. And that I’m only climbing on your back because otherwise you’ll haul me up and I’m not in the mood to have sore ribs tomorrow.” She made sure to stomp her feet as she made her way to her saddle. She was not about to lose the battle of who could be the most stubborn. She heard Tairn snort as he bent his leg.

She settled on his back with ease despite how draining the training had been. As she tightened her saddle she surveyed the aftermath of what her lightning had done she couldn’t help but feel helpless. She hadn’t been able to hit her target one single time, at least when she had trained with Felix for that brief afternoon she managed to not be such a failure.

If she didn’t get her signet under how was she even going to be necessary for the upcoming battle? She would just burn everything in sight instead of the real enemy and would put everything at risk.

“You need to be more gentle with yourself.” Tairn made his way into her thoughts.

She was tired of him coddling her, she needed his judgment to match her own. “You didn’t bond me because I was gentle.”

“No, I bonded you over your compassion and bravery. Maybe you should try extending those qualities to yourself.”

“It doesn’t work that way Tairn.” She said, her anxiety starting to rise, “I need to be good at this, if I’m not we’re all doomed.”

“You can get better without almost reaching burnout any time you try.” He said, as if it was easy.

“I always strive better when I push myself to my limits.” She didn’t know if she was trying to convince him or herself.

Tairn didn’t waste time in refuting her, “Is that what your mother has told you?”

As soon as Tairn got his words out she immediately raised her shields, doing her best to block him out. It required immense concentration, seeing as he was harder to block than most, but it was better than listening to him making a probably valid point when it came to her mother. She didn’t want nor needed to hear it. It had been embarrassing enough that she had mentioned her in front of Xaden in the first place, after her pathetic panic attack no less. She didn’t need Tairn’s advice or pity to add to her chagrin.

Tairn breaks through her shields with embarrassing ease, “Now you shield?” She can tell he’s irritated by his tone, but he’s not the only one. She can match his fire with ease.

“I thought you wanted me to get better at it.” She spat.

She could feel Tairn's annoyance, “Not when it comes to me.”

“If you don’t want that to happen, then don’t talk about things that would make me shield against you.”

She could tell that Tairn was not saying everything he wanted to when he replied, “Fine,” but she’d take any victory from this situation. Even if it didn't feel sincere.

On their way back they fly over the Vale, and Violet tries to reach for Andarna. She knows it's useless to do so while she sleeps, but still, she tries – to no avail. Even this close she can’t properly feel Andarna like she usually should. The bond is too subtle, if Violet doesn’t reach for it she barely feels it, it’s not in her subconscious like Tairn’s bond is. That makes her uneasy, she misses her golden one and her snarky comments. She would endure her teenage angst any day over this retching silence.

Tairn is patient as he tries to appease Violet’s thoughts, “It’s a natural process, the young one is fine, you mustn't worry about her.”

“Her wing was damaged Tairn” She voices the concern that had been nagging her brain ever since she had the time to process what had happened in Aretia.

“That may mean nothing.” He says, but she notices a shift in the bond. She probes further, digging deeper, and feels his concern for Andarna. “Stop trying to overthrow my shields.” He snaps at her.

“Then stop coddling me.” She fights back.

Tairn huffs, she feels his breath along his scales, trembling under her seat. “Sgaeyl and I worry she might not be able to carry a rider.” He chooses his words carefully. “She will be able to fly, she did it before she fell into her dreamless sleep, but we don’t think she’ll ever be able to carry a rider, even one as tiny as you.”

Violet remains quiet as she processes the information. A dragon that can’t carry a rider has no use in Navarre’s eyes. She doesn’t know how dragons view a maimed dragon, but her guess is not very kindly, their hierarchy works through skills and size. She fears what others might do once they find out Andarna can’t be a dragon to her full potential. “That will destroy her.” Violet whispers.

“Which is why neither me or Sgaeyl uttered a single word about it to her. We’ll see if her dreamless sleep can help her, the elders said it could fix the problem. But, if it doesn’t and by the time she wakes up she still can’t carry a rider, we’ll figure it out.” Tairn assures her.

“She wasn’t ready to engage in a battle when she did.” Violet starts blaming herself. “She even slowed down my fall, and I probably fell onto her wing and damaged it. She shouldn’t have done that.” Violet's voice shakes. “I did this to her.”

“You have done nothing, this isn’t your fault.” Tairn reprimands her, “As I’ve already told you she did her duty to you as your dragon.”

Violet ignores him, “This is why Sgaeyl didn’t want her to bond.”

He remains quiet for a second and she can feel him reaching for her mind, she lowers her shields completely, letting him in. After a moment he says, “Sgaeyl doesn’t blame you Silver One.”

“She should.” Violet answers mournfully. She doesn’t know why Sgaeyl didn’t burn her to the ground when she first found out about Andarna’s wing. Violet had always sensed that she was a fiercely protective mother. And Violet had hurt Andarna, who was a precious child to the blue dragon.

“Not one can tell Sgaeyl how to feel, not even you.” is all Tairn says before he goes quiet in her mind. He gives her the space to feel what she needs to feel without judgment.

They reached Basgiath just in time for Violet to sleep five hours before she had her morning run with Imogen.

As she was dismounting Tairn she saw someone waiting for her in the distance, near the secret passage that led to the dorms. She palmed her daggers immediately, ready to use them to defend herself if necessary. There wasn’t supposed to be anyone awake at this hour, much less in the flight field.

Tairn appeased her worries of danger, but only so, because the person in question would surely cause her annoyance to skyrocket. “It’s Cuirr’s rider. It is not a threat.”

She hummed, not sure why Bodhi was here in the first place. He still hadn’t spoken to her since Conscription Day, even if he and Imogen had seemingly made amends with each other the day before. Violet suspected Xaden had had something to do with that, but she couldn’t see Bodhi even making the effort of trying to be civil with her. She had thought of telling Xaden about it, but he hadn’t asked and she wouldn’t complain about his cousin to him willingly, knowing he would probably back Bodhi up and they would just end up having a nonsensical fight.

She was about to walk straight past him when he called her. She thought about ignoring him, she didn’t have the patience to deal with his arrogant remarks after her failed attempt at wielding her signet. However Bodhi didn’t seem to be the kind of person to seek her out in the dead of night without a reason, whatever he had to say could be important, someone could be hurt, so she slowly turned to face him. “What?” she couldn’t mask her annoyance.

His eyebrows were furrowed and his arms crossed, as if he’d be accusing her of something. “Where have you been?”

Violet rolled her eyes, “I don’t see how that’s your concern” she turned her back on him again to head to her room.

She only heard him sigh, “Violet, wait.” She stopped in her tracks but didn’t turn around, she couldn’t remember any time Bodhi had called her Violet without malice in his voice. “It’s just that you shouldn’t walk around alone.”

She raised an eyebrow despite him not being able to see — her back was still to him, “In case you’ve missed the giant black dragon, I’m not alone.”

His huff made her turn around, his annoyance becoming her own entertainment. When he saw the slight smirk on her face he couldn't resist but roll his eyes, “He can’t accompany you to your room can he?”

“Did Xaden put you up to this nonsense?” She was suddenly getting angry at Xaden, who was a nine hour flight away, and was currently unable to plead his case, “Because I don’t need a bodyguard.”

“He didn’t put me up to anything.” He spat, as if the insinuation that Xaden would ask him to guard Violet was insulting. As if Bodhi was so above everything and everyone that he wouldn’t take those orders. Violet wanted to laugh, they both knew Bodhi would do whatever Xaden told him to do, the only one who had the balls to challenge Xaden was Violet, and from what she heard from Liam, sometimes Garrick.

There was a pause in which Bodhi looked thoughtful, the annoyance fading from his face, “Well that’s a lie, he did mention for me to stop making your life harder.”

She was unimpressed, she couldn’t figure out if he was trying to rile her up or if he was being honest. “Did he now? And why is that?”

He grumbled so low his words might have lost themselves in the breeze, yet Violet heard them crystal clear. “He mentioned you having enough problems with Basgiath without me adding to the mix”

She joined the dots of what he wasn’t saying, someone had told Xaden about their fight. Bodhi would probably accuse her of snitching in his next breath, so she spoke before he could, “And who might have told him about your sudden bad mood? Because it wasn’t me.”

His expression cringed slightly, almost imperceptibly. As if he didn’t wish for Violet to read him as easily as she was doing. “Apparently Imogen.”

Violet hummed but didn’t answer, Imogen did have a knack for running her mouth wild to Xaden, however Violet couldn’t be too upset by it. Imogen had probably only been venting about Bodhi’s bad mood to Xaden. The thing Violet found odd was that Xaden hadn’t brought it up to her, not even at breakfast in the morning he left.

Violet shouldn’t be surprised that Xaden hadn’t told her anything, why would he. But she had expected him to pick a fight. Strangely enough, she wasn’t mad her hadn’t brought it up, she was glad, she hadn’t wanted to talk to him about Bodhi. She just expected that Xaden, upon learning of their fight, would call her out on her behavior, saying she was being inconsequential and that she and Bodhi needed to make up. Instead, he had quietly spoken to his cousin about it, not blaming her for anything, not even addressing it with her. It was a very different behavior from the one he would’ve had last year.

That still didn’t explain why Bodhi was here, waiting for her, in the middle of the night. “So you’re here to accompany me to my room? Because I think you have more interesting things to do.”

He swallowed, the first sign of discomfort. “I’m here to talk to you.”

“Not fight?” Violet teased.

Bodhi pursed his lips. “You’re not making this easy.”

“No, I’m not.” Violet agreed, “You were very rude and I didn’t do anything for you to treat me like that.”

“I know” Bodhi paused, “I guess I just didn’t like the way you were so comfortable with the princess and later on how you pretended that you and Xaden are together.”

They were not having this conversation. “I’m not discussing my relationship with your cousin with you.” Violet said, her tone clipped.

Despite her aggression, Bodhi smirked. “That’s what he said.”

Violet rolled her eyes, of course Bodhi would have tried to talk to Xaden about his suspicions on her. Inserting himself in a relationship that was none of his business. She should’ve seen that one coming. She was glad Xaden had apparently shot it down, she didn’t want her business to be paraded around his circle of friends. That would’ve probably been her last straw.

“Good. That’s between me and him.” Violet cleared her throat, “But I understand how it might seem suspicious, the ease I have with Alys.”

Bodhi dropped the smirk and observed her intently. She did not cower under his gaze, her alliances were clear and she would not have them questioned. But she also wasn’t going to explain herself. She believed in what they were doing, even if she didn’t know half of what it entailed. She had turned back on her country and was fighting alongside them. She deserved better than the dubious glance Bodhi was giving her.

“Xaden trusts you.” Bodhi began, and Violet remained quiet, she didn’t think Bodhi was trying to prove Xaden’s worth to her. Not this time. “He didn’t really explain how and why that happened, and I don’t need to know. But you must understand I need to be wary when it comes to you, I need to protect Xaden’s back.”

She could see in his gaze the fierce love and protection he felt towards Xaden, the fear behind all of that, she could understand that. She didn’t agree with it, but sometimes the head and the actions didn’t always align. She was sure Mira wouldn’t stop protecting Violet every time she had the chance. Even if she was more powerful than Mira could ever dream of being. Actions are not always rooted in logic.

However Violet had proven herself in Resson, had proven herself when she stood in front of her mother and lied through her teeth. Standing in front of her was Xaden’s cousin, and both of them were alike in one thing, they struggled to speak plainly. So she tried to understand what Bodhi wasn’t saying by using the same tactic Xaden had established – she started asking questions. “You say you need to be wary of me, but in relation to what? To the secrets we’re all keeping?”

He, as expected, started talking, “You proved your loyalty to that when we returned. I know you won’t say anything to Leadership that could get us all killed, but what about your friends? Are you going to be able to hide it from them? Because I know you’re reckless, and that you could bring down the whole movement through your actions.” Bodhi’s expression carries seriousness. She ought to be offended that he called her reckless, he didn’t really know her. “I’m also wary of your feelings of Xaden, but we already said we weren’t going to talk about it.” Bodhi is honest at least, which is something she appreciates.

Violet thinks both Bodhi and Xaden are dumb fools if they think she’ll keep this a secret from her friends forever. They are good people who are victims at the hands of Navarre’s lies, they deserve to know the truth. All the citizens in the provinces of Navarre do.

She’s smart enough to not mention any of that right now, “What do you want me to say Bodhi?” Violet asks genuinely, she’s not about to spill her frustrations and insecurities to him so he can trust her. Nor will she forgive Xaden because he doesn’t understand why she’s upset. “I understand your wariness even if I don’t agree with it because I think i’ve proved myself. But I don’t know what you want me to do.”

They stare at each other for a long heartbeat and then Bodhi sighs, avoiding her eyes.

“I’ve been wary of people for a long time,” he quietly confesses, apparently he’ll be the one spilling his frustrations, not her. He wouldn’t need to, she’s not without empathy. She knows why he is the way he is, all children of the rebellion leaders had been brutally taken away from their homes. It was not unusual to have them be suspicious of everybody around them. They were in a foreign land and no one trusted them here, one wrong move could get them killed. She understood this, yet she let him talk. “I guess it’ll take a long time to trust you. You’ll just have to be patient…” Violet huffed, that was a quality she did not possess, “And I’ll have to give you the benefit of the doubt that you won’t betray us. I have to separate you from your mother, just as I had to do with your brother.” He observed her now, and Violet could tell he was considering whether or not he should tell her whatever was going on in his brain. Xaden had the exact same expression, it was scary how alike the two were.

Finally Bodhi said, “Not getting involved in things that could get you killed is a good start for me to start trusting you, especially behind our backs. For one, that thing Alys asked you about Cam will get you in trouble. And I saw you sneak in the Archives friday, after dinner.” Before she can get word out he adds, “I didn’t tell Xaden.”

Violet went to Jesnia earlier in the week with the purpose of informing her of Liam’s death, but as she was heading there she realized she could slowly try to learn about wards. Aretia needed them if the Assembly were to keep avoiding going public with the rebellion, and Violet figured Jesnia would be the best person to ask. They had always been friends, since they both studied under Markham, and Jesnia knew how much Violet enjoyed reading, whether for entertainment or to learn new things.

Under the pretense of being curious about wards due to being sent to Athebyne, she requested a book about it from Jesnia. She had it stored under her mattress in the bedroom, she had carved a hole in her bed’s structure specifically for it. She trusted Xaden’s wards, but better safe than done, she would always hide books that could be considered suspicious. Especially when people such as Major Varrish inhabited Basgiath.

She still hadn’t opened the book however, between the Parapet and getting almost killed in Assessment Day she barely had time to read. She needed to be careful, which was why she had gone to Jesnia in the first place, visiting a friend in the Archives was hardly suspicious for Violet, who had spent most of her life inside them.

She lifted her eyebrow “Entering through the main door is hardly sneaking in.” She promptly ignored the comment about Alys. She didn’t have a choice, and if she allowed herself to be honest, she would’ve done it either way. She always had a soft spot for Alys, and Cam had always felt as an extension of her. Violet narrowed her eyes, “Have you been following me?”

Bodhi met her fierce gaze, “Contrary to what you might think, I have better things to do with my time.”

Violet smirked, “Could have fooled me.” Then her semblance turned serious, “You can’t ask me to be a weapon and keep me unprepared at the same time, I do not follow anyone blindly.” She never had, even when she believed in what Navarre told her, it had been because she had opened multiple books and done her research. It was hardly her fault they had corroborated history.

Bodhi tried to refute, “It could get you killed.” She wasn’t sure if it was coming from a place of concern or if it was because her death would be inconvenient. It was probably the latter.

“Being unprepared almost got me meeting Malek.” It was becoming ridiculous how everyone insisted on keeping her at arm's length as if she hadn’t lay in bed unconscious for three days. “I will not allow the same mistake to be made.”

He ran his fingers through his hair, clearly distressed, “Does Xaden know?”

It was in that question that the problem relied on. She had not told Xaden, not because she was actively hiding it from him but because he simply hadn’t asked. She was playing by the rules he had set, no matter how stupid they were. Bodhi didn’t know that, and now she was at an impasse in explaining them to him.

Violet knows Xaden should probably know, but she also should know things about him, and she doesn’t. Her not telling him was only fair. At least that’s what she told herself to control her guilt.

She also realized she was at a disadvantage here, Xaden had friends here who could tell him what Violet had been up to, but she had no one in Samara. She doubted Garrick would volunteer information on Xaden’s doings.

She didn’t want to explain the intricacies of her relationship with Xaden to Bodhi, so she settled for a half true. “I’m not hiding it from him.”

Bodhi remains quiet, he doesn’t seem to trust her words, but lets it go. Finally, he says, “I don’t want to fight I came here to apologize for my behavior. I still don’t trust you but you don’t deserve me to be rude with you, especially when you have so many dangerous eyes on you.”

Violet’s first instinct is to thank Bodhi, but she refrains from doing so, he’s not doing more than what it’s acceptable. “You’re not the only one who’s trying to navigate new responsibilities.”

“I know.” He sighs, and starts walking at her side, promptly ending the conversation. He said his piece, she accepted his apology and now they’d find a way to move forward.

He ends up leading her to her room, despite her complaints. He says it’s to alleviate his guilt, she doesn’t believe him. To shut her up Bodhi changes the subject and says, “If you need help you can ask you know.”

If his goal was to not anger her further, he failed. “I can protect myself.”

He huffs, clearly tired of her complaining. “I didn't say anything about protection Violet. If you need help to get out of a hard situation you can ask for help, I’m a section leader, there’s a few things I can do.”

Violet shoots him a glance, “I won’t become stronger if I do it the easy way.”

“You won’t become stronger if you’re dead.” Bodhi spats.

She doesn’t reply right away, remembering that he said Xaden had talked to him. “Is this about Varrish and Aetos?” She whispers.

He nods, “You’re not the only one they’re trying to kill. Ciaran is dead.”

She knows this of course, Imogen had not shared much but she did say she didn’t expect them to start hunting them so early. She decides to appease Bodhi, if only because she doesn’t want to talk about dead people. “Thank you.” Then Violet asked a question that had been rummaging around “If you don’t trust me why are you offering help? You don’t have to do that.”

“Imogen pointed out I don’t know you well enough to judge you. That I only see you as an extension of Xaden. I realized she is right, and that for better or for worse you’re in this now, you’re one of us and we need to have each other’s back.” He then chanced a glance towards her, “Besides Xaden likes you and I want to understand why.”

She knows there’s an underline message there, she doesn’t think about it too hard to find out what it is.

She turns her focus on what he can do to help her now – practical things. “If you want to help me maybe we can train on the mat sometime. I can’t always be training with my squad, I need new opponents.”

“I won’t be a good fighter partner. I’m much bigger than you.”

She rolls her eyes, “So is everybody else, you’re not special. Besides I need to learn how to fight with people who are bigger than me.” Before he could answer she added, “And no, Xaden doesn’t count, I’ve sparred with him enough last year.” Besides, she would not make him spar with her after a nine-hour flight, she wasn’t cruel.

Bodhi hummed, not voicing his own opinion on the matter although Violet knew there was plenty he wished to say. With one last nod he left her inside the wards of her room and went away, leaving her alone at last.

Xaden’s letter lay open on her desk, she had reread it an embarrassing amount of times since he had flown back. In it Xaden had tried to share some parts of him, things like the dreams he had in infancy, and the chaotic mischief he and Bodhi got up to when they were younger.

They were facts about him that she was sure not many living people knew about. That made her heart warm, she could see he was trying even if he didn’t know exactly what he was doing. She wanted to know about his worries and ambitions, his fears and his achievements. She wanted, above all else, to feel his trust. He hadn’t given her that, opting for memories rooted in nostalgia, but it was a start, she could cherish small milestones.

One by one the pins holding up her hair came loose. She kept them in the box they had come in, when Xaden had first presented them to her. An empty bottle of beer sat next to the box. She had finished it the night she was attacked, after Bodhi took Xaden away from her.

She had gone to Chantara the next day with her squad and had grabbed another pack. The vendor also had produced a new line of hard liquor; the harvest had been good this year. The vintners had had the luxury of experimenting to create new products. This one came from the sour grapes that weren’t ripe enough to be used in the making of wine. The merchant had even given her a discount if she bought the liquor alongside the beers. She obviously accepted the offer.

She had found out that, if the exhaustion wasn’t enough, the burn of alcohol on her throat and the dizziness that addled her brain after a bottle prevented her worst nightmares. When she fell into bed her brain simply shut off and her terrors no longer visited her in the quiet of the night.

Violet sat on her bed and slowly opened the bottle of liquor. She smelled it and the alcohol entered straight through her nostrils. This was stronger than the beers. Perhaps she wouldn’t need as much quantity as she needed with the beers to fall asleep.

She took a small sip, the alcohol burning instantaneously through her throat, her mouth felt on fire. Violet brought the bottle to her lips again, this time drinking a larger amount. She was supposed to dilute this in a cocktail, but she didn’t care, the burning felt so good. With each sip the brain was becoming more fuzzy and addled, it was exactly what she needed.

She couldn’t think, couldn’t feel, everything that mattered was the next burn. She doesn’t remember taking her clothes off, or even if he brushed her hair. It didn’t matter anyway, none of those things gave her the numbness alcohol gave her.

With an empty bottle on her bedside table, Violet fell into a deep slumber.

— xx —

She was standing with Ridoc and Sawyer in the flight field when Rhiannon came running towards them. “Hi there” she said out of breath. She was grinning from ear to ear, and Violet wished she could join in her excitement, but she had woken up with a headache, making her morning harder than usual.

“You’re late squad leader,” Ridoc was quick to jest.

“Leadership was having a meeting and I have the mail, so you better play nice.” Rhi warned. She was holding up a stash of letters, one of them already open. Violet assumed to be her friend’s since she had received them first.

Everything became quite a mess as she distributed the letters. Ridoc squealed, tearing open the letter as if someone would take it away from him. Sawyer became engrossed in its contents, not paying attention to anything else going around him.

Violet grabbed hers as soon as Rhiannon extended her arm.

Mira had sent Violet a letter finally, she was starting to wonder if her sister had forgotten about her. She opened the letter in haste, wanting to read her words. Hopefully, Mira would get a few days of leave where she could visit Violet.

“Violet! I hadn’t even realized the year was over and that you're now a second year. Thank you for not making me an only child! I'm sorry I didn't write sooner but my schedule is a mess, I've been reassigned to Athebyne …”

The rest of the page had been censored.

Violet frowned, her letter was the one that had been opened prior to Rhi delivering the mail, and someone had censured Mira’s letter. The back of the letter was clear, with only a few censured words, but the first page was almost all black. The part of her speaking of her new assignment had been all blacked out. Violet knew that wasn’t classified information, Lieutenants could tell their families where they were stationed, unless they had been told specifically not to. She knew her sister, Mira would never disobey direct orders.

The censored letter was not a breach of security, this was a warning that she was being watched.

“What did Mira…” Rhiannon peeked over her shoulder at her letter and stopped, “What is that?”

“It has been censured.” Violet stated the obvious.

“Someone read your letter and censored it?” Rhiannon repeated what Violet had said, not sure if she had heard it correctly the first time.

“It was unsealed.” Violet explained, reading the back. There was no point in dwelling on the censored contents, she couldn’t do anything about it now.

“I didn’t notice.” Which was probably true, since she had been running from the leadership meeting. “Who would do that?”

Violet’s heart hurt as she looked up and realized she had to deceive Rhiannon, it shouldn’t pain her every time she had to do it. She hated lying to her friends, but it seemed that this year she’d have to get used to it. She remembered the conversation she had had with Bodhi, would she stay loyal when it came to her friends? She wished she was a weaker person who couldn’t lie, at least Rhiannon would know then. She wished she could tell her just how corrupted Navarre was, but it wasn’t the time to put her in unnecessary danger. Especially when Violet wasn’t sure how well she could shield. After hearing her heart break she braced herself and did exactly what her mother had taught her to do all those years ago – to control the narrative. “I’m not sure.”

“But why would anyone do that?” Rhiannon pressed, hungry for answers, “It’s not as if your sister would tell you classified information. And why would they be watching your mail?”

It was at times like these that Violet was reminded that Rhiannon was someone astute, not only was she observatory but she could join the dots easily.

Rhi was right, Mira would never share sensitive information, but if Command suspected Violet to be conspiring with the children of the rebellion leaders they would censor every bit they possibly could. Especially when it came to what was happening outside the wards. These details added to the ones the rebellion already had would surely give them an advantage over Navarre. Violet didn’t know how much Command knew about the rebellion but they hadn’t been as careful as they should, and now all of them were in danger.

Of course she couldn’t say any of this to Rhiannon.

She settled for the closest thing to the truth she could, “It’s because of Xaden probably.” At Rhiannon’s raised eyebrow she continued, “I don’t think they would let him send any mail unsupervised, so maybe they just thought he had written it.” It was a plausible lie, although he was smarter than that. He would never send a letter through Basgiath’s mail system, he would always find a way to contour it. And he had been successful, the letter sitting at the top of her table was proof of it.

“It has your sister’s name on the envelope” Rhiannon deadpanned seeing right through the flimsy excuse. Violet hadn’t realized that. “Besides, no offense but you see him every week and I don't see Riorson sending mail through the school system.” Perhaps Violet had underestimated how much Rhiannon had observed Xaden last year.

“Can’t a man be romantic anymore?” Ridoc intervened, saving Violet from giving an answer. He appeared to be done with reading his letter, clutching two polaroids in his hand.

Rhiannon rolled her eyes, not even bothering to answer his taunt. Knowing Ridoc could come up with the most extravagant arguments just to prove a point.

Imogen and Quin approached when Varrish entered the flight field alongside Kaori. All of their dragons were lined up and ready to take to the skies. Imogen glanced at her censored letter but wisely said nothing.

“Violet has Tairn mentioned another black dragon in the Vale?” Quin asked out of nowhere, promptly throwing Violet out of the loop.

Both Violet and Imogen turned their heads to look at her. “What do you mean?” Violet cautiously inquired.

“Oh yeah I was gonna ask you the same thing, I heard Kaori talk about it this morning. He seemed way too excited about the prospect of another black dragon.” Ridoc added, which made Quin nod in agreement.

She wasn’t sure if they were talking about Andarna or any other dragon, so she didn’t precipitate, fighting to maintain her expression neutral. It wasn’t the time to panic, she didn’t have that luxury. Despite the headache she needed to use her brain and keep herself grounded.

“Tairn?” she turned to him, for the benefit of those around her.

“She was spotted by some dragons before she entered the caves of the dreamless sleep. Smachd should not be sharing what he saw with his human.” Tairn huffed, seemingly annoyed.

She slowly turned back to the group, an excuse conjuring in her brain, “Tairn says that humans should stop trying to spy on what happens in the Vale.” At the incredulous look everyone but Imogen gave her she added, “He’s quite touchy about the subject.” Tairn wiggled his tail as if to show his annoyance which made them drop the subject.

Before she could change the thread of the conversation she sighted Varrish looking their way. Both she and Imogen freeze as Varrish makes a beeline towards them, he looked casual with his hands behind his back, but Violet could see the thirst for blood in his eyes. She kept her hands near her daggers and noticed Imogen do the same, both their dragons draw closer. In the corner of her eye she could see Bodhi slowly make his way to them.

“Ah Sorrengail, there you are.” The Major says when he’s close enough to be heard, completely ignoring everyone else around her.

“Major Varrish.” She politely responds.

“Quite the neckless you have there.” He points towards the already fading marks on her throat.

“Someone wanted to get brave and lost.” She tries a playful smile that almost always works on Tauri’s court.

“I hear you were almost done by a first year.” Apparently, Varrish wasn’t as dumb as those at court – a shame really, she could’ve been fooled. “Good to see that the embarrassment didn’t finish the job he started. But I guess you’re probably used to barely squeaking by alive, seeing how frail you’re rumored to be.”

She smiles, if only he knew how much strength she had to have to make her body move every morning he wouldn't be calling her frail. “Major” she starts, “I would like to think you’re smart enough to not believe false rumors about my physique. Especially when only one of us is still breathing.”

Bodhi finally reached them, he was standing behind Varrish where he couldn’t see him, ready to attack him on his back if necessary. She knew he wasn’t above that, which she was grateful for.

“I wouldn’t say they’re false rumors since you barely made it out alive.” He kept provoking, watching her to see how far he could push. Imogen closed her first, but other than that contained herself, which Violet was glad for. This game would be fun to play.

She gave him a wide smile, “Tell me Major Varrish, are you watching your back?” He furrowed his brows but didn’t turn, his ego too great to do exactly what she was provoking him to do “Would you be able to leave a fight unscarred if someone sneaked on you? Put a dagger to your throat, ready to slice it, would you be able to make it out alive?”

He played along her game, “Right here, right now? I have my dragon watching my back, no one would dare sneak on me.” Which was ironic, given that Bodhi was standing behind him, but that wasn’t the point of her game.

It was rather incredible how every rider was the same, they always gave the most predictable answer. According to Xaden’s letter his father used to say riders were pompous pricks, and in his defense they really were, “Then this has nothing to do with physique and everything to do with dragons, in which case I’ll always win.”

He narrowed his eyes, “Ah yes your dragon, everyone wonders how he chose someone so …” she knew exactly what he was going to say, it was always the same accusation. “Weak.” Tairn growled, “Needing adjustments just to be able to fly.”

She could feel the tension radiating their group, but she wasn’t scared, this was the playground she had been raised on. “It seems to me that you think physical attributes are what makes a fighter. In that case, I'll remind you only one of our dragons is short in an eye.” He froze and she smirked “Do you think him weak?”

He cleared his throat, “Aren’t you clever with your words Sorrengail? Truly your mother’s daughter.” She didn’t answer him, she knew she had won this round, and she knew she was going to pay the price.

She saw the exact moment Varrish’s eyes shifted, a demonstration of power would ensue. “I thought you had bonded two dragons and yet I only see one. Where is the golden feathertale I heard so much about? I would like to see her.”

Tairn snapped his jaws behind her, making Varrish take one step back.

“She can’t bear a rider” she recites the lie she and Tairn had conjured if someone were to ask about Andarna, “I fly with Tairn since she can’t master the harder maneuvers yet.” Violet had no idea if this was true or not, but most people would believe it. They always underestimated those who were on the smaller side instead of searching for the truth.

Apparently Varrish was not one of those people. “Well I want to see her next week, that’s an order.”

Tairn stomped his foot and growled again.

Violet narrowed her eyes, “A dragon is not a slave, they don’t take orders from humans.”

He smirked, knowing he had won this round “No, but you do, don’t you?”

“I will skin him alive and then take his members one by one as he screams in pain if he threatens you ever again” Tairn roared menacingly into her head

“Gross but thank you”

Before she give an answer Varrish continued, “It’s ironic you know? From what Colonel Aetos told me, your father was writing a book on feathertails, dragons that hadn’t been seen by humans in centuries, and then you ended up bonded to one.”

Her mother, Colonel Aetos and now Varrish had inquired her about this research, she wondered what her father had been up to before he died. His death had always been mysterious, but she had never taken the time to wonder why that was. It didn’t matter, the manuscript had probably been burned anyway. And even if it was important she wouldn’t give it to any of them. “It’s coincidental, not ironic.” she answered, because this much she knew.

“Is it?” He raised his eyebrow.

He wanted to rile her up, but whether Andarna knew about the research or not didn’t matter. She had chosen Violet to be her rider, she had found her worth it, whatever the reason. Violet wasn’t sure about many things lately, but her bond with both her dragons stood strong, even if one of them was currently unreachable.

“Who are we to question dragons Major Varrish?” she asked, knowing there was no way he could answer that question without offending at least half of the dragons surrounding him.

He chuckled as he retreated his steps, passing through Bodhi, leaving their group alone once again.

“What just happened?” Sawyer asked, “What does he have against you?”

“I’m not sure.” Those seemed to be the only words to leave Violet’s mouth lately, “Maybe he just doesn’t like my mother, who knows.”

“Or maybe he’s an asshole who likes to abuse his power which is why he’s at a school instead of an outpost where he knows he’ll get punched if he talks like that to someone else.” Imogen backed her up, finally having an outlet for her frustrations.

Whatever Sawyer was going to answer was unheard, Kaori decided to call for attention at that moment. They saw Dain in the air, he and Cath making a rapid descent, it appeared they would crash but at the last minute Dain dismounted, hanging from Cath’s leg. As soon as she saw the dismount Violet knew there was no way her joints would support that maneuver.

“Adaptation will be necessary” Tairn said.

“How are we gonna adapt that?” She pointed to where Dain was.

“I didn’t say we were gonna adapt, Smachd’s rider will modify his request or I’ll have an early lunch.”

“There’s no way humans are that tasty for you to always be threatening to eat everyone.”

“They’re not, but their scared faces make it worth it.” He answers, which prompts Violet to roll her eyes.

“How are you going to do that?” Bodhi whispers to her.

Violet looked at him as if he had grown two heads, “You are out of your mind if you think I’ll ever dismount like that. I need to get off the ground not land on it.”

He shrugged, “Fair, but how are you going to convince Kaori of that?”

Her voice was steady as she said, “Tairn has offered to eat him.”

He looked at her to see if she was serious. She was. “That would be inadvisable.”

“What would be unadvisable would be me breaking my shoulder while our mender is not available because of a maneuver that isn’t even gonna benefit us in battle.” She saw the pitying look that people often gave her when she made any comment about her joints marr his face. She shrugged, not wanting to draw attention to it, “It is what it is.” She sighed and before he could answer, she mounted Tairn and was in the air.

– xx –

“If you’re wanting to sneak on me you’re being exceptionally loud.” Violet said to the person who had been following her to the forest. She was sitting in the grass, beneath a tree that reminded her of her earlier years. She used to come here whenever she and her mother fought, it gave her reprieve because her mother had never found this hiding place. The same could not be said about Alys.

Violet had her eyes closed, she had left her room soon after turning in for the night. She started on the book she had requested from Jesnia, but after reading midway through it she realized there was nothing useful for her in there. The book was filled with curious facts about the wards, not on how they came to be. To calm her frustrations she decided to breathe in some fresh air.

She knew he’d follow her the second she saw him alone in the hallway. He had given her twenty steps at most before starting following her. Anyone could tell he had not been raised in a warrior’s home, but in a royal one. He moved as if he owned the place, no one would ever dare to stop him.

“Who said I’m trying to sneak? Maybe I was waiting for you to notice me.” She could tell, by the sound of his voice, that he had a smile on his face. She opened her eyes, looked up and stared at Cam’s familiar face. He approached, sitting beside her, even if she hadn’t invited him to do so. His presence was familiar, he carried himself with an ease she envied, but maybe that was the reason why it was so comforting. From his perspective life needn't be so hard.

If someone in the dorms were to look outside, they wouldn't be able to see them, hidden by the darkness and the tick vegetation around them. She saw his posture lax, as it always did when he wasn’t surrounded by authoritative figures. “You’re very hard to find alone you know? If you’re not with your friends you’re with Cardulo.”

She smirked, “Who said Imogen is not my friend?”

“I thought she’d try to kill you, to be honest, she seems to be the impulsive type.” He reclined against the tree and chuckled, “I saw her scream at Slonae at least three times today.”

Violet mirrored his position and stared at the sky, “She tried, but that was last year, things changed.” She remembered how much Imogen had hated her at first, how she had broken her arm on their first time on the mat. It left her in awe how much their relationship had changed, “I have a dragon now, and I’ve grown to like her. Besides I could never blame her even if I tried.”

He hummed in understanding, “I guess not.” He said in a low tone, “I too would be pissed if someone burned my brother alive and made me watch.”

She noticed a clear omission in this made-up scenario, “Not your father?” Imogen’s sister had not died alone after all.

He shook his head, “Never my father Vi.”

She hummed, Cam had always had a difficult relationship with his father, but she never asked why, it wasn’t her business. Besides, Alys had always been very secretive about Cam’s dislike for him, which only convinced Violet that she didn’t want to know. All that she was certain was, no matter how much Violet resented her mother she could never compete with Cam’s disdain for his father.

Cam had brought a bottle of ale with him, hidden in one of the pockets of his jacket. He took a huge swallow before passing the bottle to Violet and she couldn’t be more thankful for that. She would have to buy more alcohol when she went to Chantara again, her stock was rapidly mingling.

After a few sips between the two Violet asked the question that had been nagging her since Alys spoke with her, “Why are you here Cam?” she didn’t dare to look at him.

“Cutting the niceties and small talk Violet? Doesn’t even seem like you.” She could hear his smirk, “And it’s Aaric.” he corrected her

“You never liked mine and Alys’ games, I’m just sparing myself of hearing you complain.” she justified.

She could feel his eyes on her. “Must there be a reason as to why I’m here?” he teased, “Can’t I just want a dragon?”

Violet observed him, it seemed to her that for the first time Cam wanted to play the game, which could only mean that the reason he was here was dangerous. She didn’t want anything to do with whatever he was here for, and yet she couldn’t shake the feeling that it was important. “You can, but you have to earn it first.”

“I will.” he took another gulp of ale before continuing, “You earned yourself a pretty scary dragon you know. I almost ran after the Parapet when I saw him.” he changed the subject, and she didn’t mind playing along.

She chuckled, “Tairn has that effect on people, but don’t worry if he tolerates your dragon he won’t eat you.” She started playing with a few strands of grass, to keep her hands occupied. “So, has there been any new gossip since I joined the quadrant?” At court, there was always gossip and much of it surrounded not only relationships, but businesses. She wanted to see if she could learn anything useful for the revolution to use. If they could guess how Tauri was operating maybe their future wouldn’t be so desolate.

He shrugged, “Just the usual, court seems to get more boring as the years pass.” He sighed, “Dyanna started dating Brian.” Violet widened her eyes, that was a piece of gossip she did not expect. The last time she had seen Dyanna she had swore she would kill Brian. Violet had believed her, both of them came from families with a lot of money, so she definitely had the resources to make it happen. Those two had never gotten along, always bothering everyone else with their fights. Cam started laughing at the look on her face. “Oh I know, everyone was shocked, even Dyanna herself. I guess all the hate was simply sexual tension.” he chuckled and continued his update. “He’s in the infantry now and she finished her studies last year, she’s already working on a trade of some magnetic material with Luceras. I had to listen to her ranting about this new innovative material for two hours and I still don’t know what it does.”

Violet rolled her eyes, “Of course you don’t. You never pay attention to what anyone says unless it involves drinks.” To prove her point she grabbed the bottle from his hand and drank some more. The alcohol burned her throat, leaving her feeling weightless and comfortable in the forest floor. “And I can’t believe when I ask you for gossip you give me politicking. I hope you’re aware it’s too late in the night to be talking about trades.”

His grin is wide, they both know she’s lying. Politics had always been her favourite part of life at court, “You and Alys always wanted to know who was making the latest deals, I just thought I would keep the tradition.” he grabbed the bottle back before continuing. “Speaking of tradition I punched Aidan before the Parapet.”

She wasn’t even surprised at this information, “What did he do now?” Violet didn’t really want to talk about her cheating ex, but whatever Cam had to say seemed to be entertaining.

“He threatened to tell my father where I was going, and I punched him – twice. One for me and another for you, I remembered I had promised I’d punch him but never kept my promise, so now you can rest.”

“I wasn’t losing sleep over it.” her voice in a monotone, as if bored. “I would've liked to see his face.” she added.

Cam became enthusiastic, “It was phenomenal because what was he going to do? Punch a prince? So he just stood there and took it, it was rather hilarious.” he seemed rather satisfied with himself.

She arched an eyebrow, “It won’t be so hilarious when he goes to your father and tells him what happened.”

Cam huffed, “He’s not gonna do that. He won’t say he watched the prince make it up the stairs of the rider’s quadrant and did nothing. Saying he lost me wouldn’t work either, can you imagine the embarrassment?”

“I guess it would be embarrassing for him, but not more embarrassing than burning your body.” she mused.

“Will you let me die Violet?” He teased.

Violet huffed, offended by his teasing. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

The look on his face suddenly turned serious, “You know it was very naive of me to think Alys wouldn’t talk to you, seeing as she was coming to graduation. But I want to prove my worth.”

“You don’t need to prove your worth alone.” She reminded him, remembering some words she had read in Brennan’s book, “a rider without its squad is dead. The thing about the saying ‘a squad is only as strong as its weakest member’ is false. A squad is only as strong as the bond between its riders, because when you fall injured you’ll have only them to rely on.”

“Then why does that saying exist at all?” he whispered.

“Sabotage? I’m not sure, but if that saying was true, killing within a squad would be permitted.” Violet pondered about this for a second. “I think it’s to evaluate who’s going to the same outposts, people who have been working together in the quadrant will continue to do a good job in an outpost when the stakes are higher.”

They remain quiet for a few moments, so much so that she thinks he’ll say nothing more. She stares at the sky and wonders how is it that she’ll survive this year without being entirely truthful to her squad. She decided that’s a problem for later.

Cam broke the silence. “Is this your fancy way of saying you’ll help me?”

She’s quick to answer, “No. This is my fancy way of telling you to make friends, even at the promise of death. If you help each other maybe there won’t be so many deaths in our squad.” Violet took a deep breath, “That’s my advice for your first year here.”

He nodded and she assumed he’d listen to her. Then his face transformed into a grin and Violet knew teasing was coming. “And sleeping my way up? I heard you did just that.”

She rolled her eyes so hard she feared they’d get stuck. “If I wanted to sleep my way up I would be sleeping with Dain.” She shoot him a look. “Being with Fen Riorson’s son hardly gives me any advantages.” She got annoyed every time someone implied she had slept with him for interest. She wished she had, her life would be much easier now. She had tried to escape Xaden so many times, and all of them turned out fruitless, much to her suffering. “Unfortunately I do care for him.”

Cam hummed, “I don’t like him.” he said, and then added, “Well no, that’s not the right word, I hate him actually.”

She tried not to get annoyed, Cam was the last person she wanted to discuss Xaden with, it was clear that anyone from the royal family would hate him. She was mad at him, but she still felt protective over him. “You can join the long line then.” There were many people who didn’t like Xaden, everyone was aware of this.

He was about to say something else but then thought better of it and shut his mouth. “Does your mother know?” he asked.

Violet shrugged, “probably.” she didn’t care if she did, she had never cared about her love life. Violet didn’t see why she would start now.

Cam laughed, “We always find ways to annoy our old hags don’t we.”

Violet joins in his laugh, they have that in common at least – they were always difficult children. She remembers King Tauri joking with her mother that the third child was the one to test their patience. She gathered he was correct.

They keep passing the bottle until it empties. The moon shines in the sky and for a moment she forgets she is in a death college and that loom brims in the horizon. She forgets that she’s drinking beside a person she doesn’t trust completely. She forgets her life is broken, that she’s telling everyone she has a partner that doesn’t really trust her. She forgets that her brother is alive and lied to her. She forgets her sister’s censored letter. She forgets Varrish’s vengeful eyes. She just drinks.

Drinks and drinks and drinks.

Notes:

If you allow me I'm going to rant for a bit. This chapter has been hell to write, not only because it's the point where we truly start to dive into Violet's unhealthy coping mechanisms and I wanted to start it slow, but also because my anxiety has hit. I struggled a lot, I wasn't being able to string words together and every time I opened the document to write I would get very stressed. So if this chapter did not meet your expectations I'm sorry. I thought about scrapping this chapter altogether, but it needed to happen, it's an important point for Violet's arc. And while we're at the point of honesty here I've also suffered a bit from imposter's syndrome, I see all the fantastic writers we have in this fandom put together fanfics in such a short amount of time and then I'm like "I take a month to write one chapter this is embarrassing". Anyways I just wanted to explain a bit more oh why I hate this chapter, its not so much because I don't like its contents (although it is far from being my fav), but more of how hard it was to write.

thank you for your endless patience in the waiting for chapters. especially to those who always support me on tumblr and are very excited every time I post a snippet. you have a very special place in my heart <3

also @sabu123098 on tumblr made a fanart for this fic and I just have to share this with you !! This also gave me so much strength to keep writing, to see that there's people who do appreciate my writing is the biggest gift.

with all of that said, the editing of this chapter has been chaotic and my eyes are not seeing straight anymore, so if there is any mistake pls let me know. btw I noticed that the last chapter has a whole line missing ?!!/1?@? I'm so sorry omg I've corrected it now.

Notes:

come interact with me on tumblr. i am at your disposal ask all the questions you have: tumblr

english is not my first language so if you see a mistake no you didn’t <3