Chapter Text
“Welcome home, Jennifer, to my den.”
I glared at her. ‘Tamai Armetisa, Ninth Bloom’, as she had introduced herself to me back at the holding center. She was almost three times my height, and moved like a liquid. Some of her kind crafted elaborate masks or faces of fibers in a hollow mimicry of humanity, but hers was a more abstract covering in the general shape of a head. Her leaves and vines were a much darker green than most, with scattered flower petals around some of them. She had four eyes I knew from the other rebels to never look directly at, and her antennae were thick at the base, looking more like a pair of ears.
I observed the oversized log cabin of a house that was supposed to contain me. I saw multiple windows without visible locking mechanisms, and a small shed out back that might have tools to snag on my way out. The forested patch the hab was in was a little too sparse to provide good cover, unfortunately. Especially considering the dress I was in was so bright.
I had been scooped up months ago, from the inside of a rebel warship caught within an affini capture ship's enormous capture arms. Our vessel had filled with a gas that made anyone who didn’t get a mask on fast enough collapse into sleepy giggles, and I was subdued after shooting holes clear through some animate feathery mass of flower petals with my rifle before it knocked me out with a single injection. I had been processed, moved between stations and ships, and temporarily escaped from various holding rooms but been unable to get away cleanly twice.
I didn't understand why they still bothered giving me pills that did more for my body than a few years of HRT before joining the rebellion plus every gender affirming surgery I could never have afforded in a lifetime. And not over years, but in just the span of my multi month-long stay in holding. It was clearly another attempt to make me complacent, and I wasn’t falling for it.
The one good lesson my parents had actually taught me was how to escape from them and hide, a lesson I kept with the jagged scar on my right arm. The consequences for failing at it now being xeno mind games was messing with me. The most infuriating part of the failed attempts had been that when I got cornered, my captors just drugged me, called me a good girl, and made me think… things, that I definitely would never have thought about otherwise. Gorgeous mimics of human beauty or not, these fucking things were still xenos, and I wouldnt let something as undignified as sexual attraction cloud my judgement.
Now here I was, freshly coerced domestication contract complete, and with a new owner, eager to goad me into a false sense of security long enough to do whatever it was the affini actually did with their pets.
I knew what my mistake had been the first two attempts. Trying to get away too fast, I had been apprehended both times while looking for a way off the ship or station. It would be easier to hide, elude being found by utilizing the infinite hiding spots a ship the size of a city would inevitably have. Only once they stopped looking for me, would I be able to actually stow away on a shuttle and escape through one of the more carefully regulated docks. I would hide and survive like I always did.
All I had to do was get away from Tamai before they put that thing in my neck. Once the worm went in, you were fucked. No coming back, lobotomized forever into a drooling servant. Everyone back on the ship knew that any human with one of those implant scars on the back of their neck was done for, a glassy eyed toy for whatever affini now controlled their thoughts.
The door opened, and she walked in before I did. I considered making a break for it, but it was far too obvious a play, and I wouldn't be fast enough to get out of range of the remote she had that would trigger the thin rings around my wrists and ankles and immobilize me. I had earned those being attached to me after the second time I managed to slip away. I let the suboptimal window to escape pass, and followed her into her hab. It was darker than I expected.
“This is my home, and now yours as well. I know you probably expect you will be able to break free, but you will find you do not want to leave in no time at all.”
I stared at her and said nothing. I had caught a glimpse of the inside of Tamai’s mouth and seen the sharp thorny teeth within. Was she going to eat me, once she assumed I let my guard down? If they turned me into a wormhead, I would probably cook myself for her.
She seemed to want to give me a tour. Fine by me, as I was keeping my eyes open for any kind of weapon or tool I could use to get the pacification gear off my limbs and neck so I could escape while she slept. I had tried stabbing her in the eyes with the pen she made me sign the contract with, but it had just broken and exploded ink all over my hands. Apparently a thumbprint also worked as a signature.
She walked me into the living room, and I quickly scanned every surface I could see. It was nothing like the sterile, babified daycare feeling of the holding cells I had been in for the last few months. Her space looked like a forest, with no straight lines other than on the doors, covered in nooks and hollows, with huge wooden furniture that seemed to have grown directly out of the floor. Even the seat of the couch came up to my chest, it would be like a maze for me to navigate.
“What do you think, Jenny? So many little places for you to skitter and hide. I'll have more added for you if you want them. Will this suit your hide and seek games you like playing?”
I answered her teasing with silence. She let out something like a laugh, and stroked a vine through the curls of my hair. The fleshy part was smooth, but the tip had a curled claw that felt cold and razor sharp. I flinched away from it as it brushed against my ear menacingly.
She turned to fully face me, and I felt that point press into the underside of my jaw. I inhaled sharply, tilted my head up and away from the danger on reflex, and caught the briefest glimpse of the swirling purple flecks in her eyes before slamming mine shut.
“Let me be clear, little Jenny. If I ask a question, you will answer.”
I hated being called Jenny. I chose my full name myself, I wanted to at least have it be used. But arguing that would be pointless now. “Your living space is fine.”
She let out a delighted purr, and more of her tendrils stroked through my hair.
“Aha, so she does know how to speak! Such an angry little voice, but I will train you to respond respectfully.”
She turned away and took the blade under my chin with her, and I let out the breath I had been holding in.
It was going to be so satisfying to escape her.
As she led me into the kitchen which was similarly organic in layout but covered in ceramic tiles, I spotted my salvation immediately - a meat cleaver meant for an affini, the size of a fucking Terran sword. I tried not to think how many of my brave fellow rebels it had probably slain for Tamai to devour. I would do justice to them by avoiding sharing their fate.
Nothing else she would show me mattered. I was going to escape tonight. However, I pretended to take absolutely no interest in the tool of my salvation, maintaining my angriest scowl.
The tour around my new prison passed through unremarkable side rooms, a bathroom with a tub a terran could be drowned in, and various closets already filled with dresses I had to admit wouldn’t look bad on me if I actually got to have a say in the matter. I took careful note of a sturdier looking blouse and jeans I would have to grab before I escaped. Something that would actually last the weeks I would have to hide on the ship.
We finally reached her bedroom, and she guided me inside. There were two beds, one enormous and square, the other small and round, with raised edges that could act as a pillow from any direction. A pet bed. Like for an actual animal, just bigger.
I groaned, reminding myself of the knife left out in the kitchen. I would only have to pretend to sleep in this thing for a single night. Then I would be free to run again.
After the tour concluded, she had me sit and watch her prepare food. For both of us, curiously. I thought they only drank water. I did not like the way she looked at me as she brought the knife down on the raw fish she conjured into being from nothing with her kitchen’s fabrication device. Was she thinking about carving me into thin slices to put on top of rice next?
When it was time to eat, we sat across from each other at the table in near silence broken only by her lecturing me about the cuisine and how fish were hunted and caught. The meal was apparently something originally invented on Terra, but had long ago fallen out of favor when most fish went extinct. At first I didn't trust it for not being cooked, but eventually I was just getting hungry and gave in. If the affini’s master plan involved poisoning me, they already had plenty of chances. Clearly their game was subtler, and my winning move was to get out before I needed to learn the real rules.
The ‘sushi’ was, obviously, one of the most delicious things I had ever tasted, because everything I had eaten since my capture was. I almost didn't mind that once I had tried the first myself, Tamai insisted on popping each little perfectly sized morsel into my mouth for me. I guess she knew not to trust me with anything even resembling silverware after they made that mistake back in Intake. As I chewed, marveling quietly at the flavor I didn't even have a name for, I watched her pick up her own fish and savor it slowly, eyes all focused on me. I wished she was human, because then the traitorous things happening between my legs as I watched her eat would be fucking normal. The sharp fangs and flashing tongue were doing something for me I didn’t like.
It finally got dark out, and she settled us into our beds. I was putting on my most convincing act of someone falling for the illusion that this was going to be an idyllic life, and pretended to fall asleep in my admittedly very cozy pet bed. I would certainly be choosing a less comfortable life soon, hiding in vents on the ship for weeks until I could smuggle myself off, but it was worth it to be free.
A few hours passed. I couldn’t know for sure what a resting xeno looked like, but my best guess was that if she hadn’t so much as twitched in hours, she was probably asleep. I moved silently, skilled after years of practice. You don’t get far in life as a trans woman if you don’t know how to vanish without a trace, and that made me good at what I do.
I tiptoed to the bathroom carefully. If there were alarms to set off, I wanted to find that out while doing something that wasn’t suspicious. I had even waited until I actually needed to go, just in case that was being monitored too. I flushed, washed my hands, bumped some towels around, intentionally being a bit louder than I needed to be while still in the plausible deniability zone. I peeked back into the bedroom, and she hadn’t moved an inch. It was time.
I carefully clambered up a chair and pulled myself up on top of the prep table in the kitchen. The knife was unbelievably heavy, but with significant exertion, I was able to lift it. Maybe that was why I had been given those super-HRT pills, to make me weaker. I hopped down from the counter with a soft thud, bending at the knees with a wince of old joint pain to absorb as much energy as possible and land quietly. I slowly crept over to the window, ready to pry it open, when the lights on all four of my pacification restraints suddenly turned red.
I heard four short beeps overlapping each other, and felt something cold under the bands around my ankles and wrists. After a moment, I crumpled against the wall, as every muscle in my hands and feet went limp at the same time.
The heavy kitchen implement fell from my fingers, falling straight for my leg. I closed my eyes in horror, expecting the blade to slice me, but instead felt it bounce off of me and clatter harmlessly to the floor. The blade had become completely dull and soft as soon as it slipped from my grasp.
The sound of wood against tile echoed through the house, and I heard a slight creak coming from Tamai’s bedroom. I slumped to the floor, trying not to panic.
“Where are you, little one? Is my little mouse getting into mischief again?” Her voice was laced with menacing tones that made my heart pound in fear.
I uselessly pawed at the door to the rest of the hab, eventually just trying to push it open with my head, and realizing with dread that my best option to move was now to crawl on my knees and my temporarily useless hands.
I went as fast as I could for the gaps between furniture of the living room, accidentally bringing down a lamp with a loud crash in the process. I was plunged into pitch black, shivering and afraid of the alien monster now hunting for me. The parts of my brain evolved millions of years prior by small fearful animals, that normally only handled breathing and other unconscious tasks took over. I scurried for the nearest of the little openings I remembered seeing earlier without thinking.
I breathed in terrified breath after terrified breath, trying and failing to stifle the sound. Where was Tamai? I didn't hear her footsteps anywhere, the only indication she had moved at all was the creak of her bed. I could feel the subtle vibration she exuded everywhere, but I couldn’t place a single direction it was coming from.
Suddenly, a purple light illuminated directly behind me. I slowly turned, and saw four glowing eyes staring from inches away, her entire head hanging upside down in the nook with me, disjointed completely from her shoulders.
“Hello, little one. Sleepwalking, were we?”
I screamed as loud as I could, and tried to scramble away. I made it about a meter before bundles of vines snatched me and yanked me into the air. Tamai slammed me against the moss-padded wall of her living room, and the air was knocked out of me. My tiny squeaks for her to let me go only seemed to make her hungrier.
She loomed over me even while pinning me to the wall, and in my mindless panic, I made full eye contact with the hunter that had caught me. Shivers rippled over my body, and she began speaking in a melodic voice unlike any I had ever heard before.
“Such a sweet little mouse, stunned into stillness. You run and run, but you crave stillness the most, don’t you?”
I couldn't look away, couldn't stop repeating the word stillness in my head. Sparks danced everywhere on the edges of my vision. “N-no. I need to be free…”
“You want to stop. You want to be able to sink into peace, but you're trapped in your own head, running in a maze. Wouldn’t you rather find the exit, sink into stillness for me?”
My thoughts slowed to a crawl, bent into paths that led in infinite loops. I was caught in the maze. Caught running. Wanted out. Wanted to be able to stop. Couldn't stop. Couldn’t stop.
I felt myself hit a mental wall. Stop. Stop! I frowned at her and forced my eyes shut. Why was I wet? No. No!
“Get out of my head, you fucking invasive bitch!”
I did the only thing I could, and bit hard on one of the strands around her face. She dropped me in surprise, and my numb ankles buckled as soon as I tried running. She pounced on me, pouring over me like a wave of leaves and wood. A vine wrapped around my throat and I screamed.
“Stay still, little mouse. The maze has something else inside it, something you can’t escape from.”
I tried to fight against her, but every time I moved she pressed down tighter. After a moment, it was getting hard to breathe, and my body forced me to give in to her command as white oblivion began creeping at the edges of my vision. I was rewarded for my obedience by her suddenly squeezing tighter, prompting new thrashing against her that accomplished nothing.
“Good toy. Stillness suits you.”
A flower opened on her chest and sprayed a puff of some gas directly in my face, while she adjusted her grip around my airway. The animal side of my being gasped deep as she loosened up just enough for air to fill my lungs and for blood to flow again. My body, overriding logic and reason through desperate survival instincts alone, did not heed my brain’s warning that breathing in now would only make things worse. As I inhaled, every point of her contact against me became the most joyful, pleasant touch I had ever experienced.
I tried to scream out in protest, but nothing resembling coherent speech escaped me. I felt her laugh vibrate through the coils around my neck. I wanted to get out of the maze, I wanted to stop running…
She curled a pair of her limbs under my back, and began pulling me back towards her bed. My slightest attempt to resist was met with the support under my back and legs being dropped, and the message was clear. Yield, or be dragged by the neck alone.
Tamai carried me up onto her sleeping area, and I felt her vibrating against me. It was the rattling purr of a predator, and I was her trapped prey. She pressed me onto my back, flowing over me. Her weight covered me entirely, pinning me down under her. I kept my body completely limp, letting her toy with me.
“Good little mouse. It’s better this way, to be mine.”
Her tone felt so possessive. I was beyond having any ability to fight back, all I could do was lay there under her. Some of the flowers tucked into her chest were dripping multicolor fluids like pharmaceutical drool onto my nightgown.
I expected her to stop playing with her food and bite into me. I knew she liked her food raw, after all. But once she had me helpless and pliable, her demeanor changed.
She traced lines down my back with the tips of her vines, The same she had threatened me with earlier, with pressure so light they could never puncture my skin unless I moved against them. The tracing lines of gentle touch made me shiver with unwanted delight. I whimpered, brain flooding with endorphins. This didn't make sense. I was trapped in the maze with something that I could not escape. Fight and flight had failed me. I felt weak and the only thing I could do was option three. Fawn.
My voice cracked as it passed over dry lips. “I want to stop running. Please, I can’t stop, I’m stuck in the maze. Stuck. Stuck running.”
The rush of chemicals meant to suppress the ego in favor of survival filled me. Tears flowed down my cheeks, and all I could think to do was to try to make this terrifying creature want to protect me, to show even the slightest pity, rather than kill me or hurt me.
Suddenly, she wrapped her entire body around me like a gentle embrace. The way the subtle vibrations her body produced rolled through my back made me shiver and let go of tension I hadn't known I was carrying. Whatever drug she had forced me to breathe in was twisting my thoughts towards submission and surrender against my will. Thinking about how much bigger than me she was and how much I just wanted to feel small under her.
“There there, little one. You don't have to run. You can feel the stillness you’ve always craved right here with me.”
I whimpered, and pawed at her for comfort. It wasn't fair that she had done this to me. It was pathetic, that I should turn to the hunter that had caught me for reassurance, but more than I needed air, I needed her to tell me I was safe.
My voice was barely more than a whisper. “I’m scared…”
“Good girl, good doll. I had such fun playing this little game with you, and now you get to be cherished.”
I sobbed as she held me tight. Something in her chest pressed against me, waves of comfort washing over my body. She wasn’t allowed to call me those things. I wasn't supposed to feel like this. Weakness was always punished, the only way to be safe was to be able to get free. I felt her stroking my hair, comforting me like a little girl. Like the little girl who didn’t get to be a little girl, because she had to learn to escape before she could even be a girl at all.
“You’re finally out of the maze, Jenny. You can stop running. Be still with me.”
She coiled around me entirely, a flower tipped vine waving back and forth like a tail. She brought it to my chest, and from the pinch spread… Nothing. The feeling of nothingness.
It was freedom. Not freedom to run, but freedom to rest. My breath continued, my heart still beat, but every muscle in my body with any conscious control simply let go. A docile object in her grasp. I was a pliable, still doll, and that was all I needed to be. The choice was not in my hands, and it never had been.
She was so much stronger than I, faster, more cunning. There was never any chance of my escape. She had probably not even actually been asleep when I left the room. The knife was always going to dull itself at my touch. This had been a game for her. I was not playing it, I was the objective.
She lifted my drooping head, and brought the four hypnotic orbs that mimicked eyes to the center of my vision. The truth of her care washed over me, as she played with each of my fingers, my toes, exploring every part of me, her new toy. Her touch was magnificent, a healing salve to scars I didn't realize I was carrying. Why didn’t I even notice the chronic pain in my body until it suddenly vanished?
The vibration of her voice against my skin felt euphoric. “This is all you have to be, Jennifer. Nowhere to run but into my embrace.”
Tamai posed and played with me, gently bending my knees and hips, finding positions she liked to hold me in. My panties clung to me, soaked wet. Wave after wave of submissive feelings crashed over me, and my mind floated atop them like foam on an ocean.
I was never made to run. This was my purpose. Being played with by a being who loved to chase and had caught me. Looking up at her through glassy eyes, my body made entirely compliant by hers. All I could do was trust her, and let myself sink into the stillness of her embrace.
