Work Text:
What can stop the determined heart and resolved will of man?
Jeongin
Jeongin drags a stiff across the dingy floor of his lab. “A little help, Jisung?” He calls his assistant.
Jisung hops up from his spot on the lab bench and helps Jeongin lift the cadaver onto the table.
The stiff bodies are more fresh, but they’re also heavier. Postmortem muscle tension creates the sensation of added weight.
Jeongin wipes the sweat from his brow. He chose this cadaver because it’s close in size and build to the Experiment. Jeongin grabs his loyal dissection tools. He holds them with tenderness, his trusted companions in his journey to create life.
He lowers the scalpel blade beneath the sternum and slices through layers of skin and muscle. The connective tissue that adheres the layers of viscera proves his biggest adversary, gripping steadfastly onto the tissues and causing the blade to hiccup. Jeongin curses under his breath. Regardless of his hours spent sharpening the blades, the elastic sinew resisted him. The acrid, chemical smell of formaldehyde stings his nasal passages. Drawing muscle and fat to the side, Jeongin gazes down at the bounty of mostly intact organs. He bypasses the bloated intestines in favor of harvesting the liver and kidneys.
Organs plop into silver dishes, still sticky with preservatives. The organs last longer if they’re preserved, and this way the work has already been done for him.
Jisung peers over his shoulder as he turns on the bone saw. This is his assistant’s favorite part to observe. Cracking open the sternum requires pressure, power, and precision. The electric hum of the saw fills the silence in the lab.
Jeongin severs the sternum from the ribcage before removing the bone and replacing it with the retractor. The device spreads the rib cage open and frees the treasure beneath. Jeongin carefully withdraws the cadaver’s heart. Preservative liquids run down his forearms and cling to his elbows.
The stench brings Jeongin unadulterated joy. “It’s perfect.” His smile curls even further.
——————————————————————————
The different accidents of life are not so changeable as the feelings of human nature.
Jisung
Jisung has a fucked up job. He’s aware of this. In fact, he knew it was fucked up at its inception.
Dr. Yang Jeongin was a professor at Jisung’s university. He was fired for ‘dubious and unethical’ practices. They met the night Jisung discovered him escaping the cadaver lab with a satchel full of stolen body parts. He knew that he should report the man to the police. Instead, he stood there frozen in shock, his jaw agape.
The former professor arched an eyebrow at him as if to ask what are you going to do about it?
Jisung spent his night before their encounter wandering through campus, visiting all the spots he and Felix used to frequent. He cried himself sick and needed the fresh air.
“What are you going to do with them?” Jisung asked. He heard whispers that the doctor was attempting to reanimate corpses. Dr. Yang swore he could conquer death. His colleagues thought he had gone insane.
His lips upturned into a wicked grin. “Come back to my lab and I’ll show you.”
The buzz of danger simmered under Jisung’s skin. His stomach churned, threatening to expel its contents. The doctor had a wild look in his eyes, an untamed madness just beneath the surface. He smelled of sweat and chemical fumes. His greasy hair was haphazardly pushed out of his face. A single, stark white lock of hair contrasted the rest of his inky tresses. The lack of pigmentation continued beneath his hairline forming an impossibly pale patch of skin over his forehead, eye, and cheek. His right eye was acid green and framed by silvery eyelashes. The glow of his snow colored hair under the moonlight looked almost preternatural.
Jisung shook his head and took a step back. “I should report you to the police.”
Jeongin’s smile dropped and his eyes hardened, his pupils are black and sharp like obsidian daggers. “I would gut you like a fish before you could file the report.”
The thrill of fear sang in his veins. For the first time since Felix died, Jisung felt alive.
Alive, alive, alive .
He laughed half heartedly. “You’re a quack. There’s no way to bring someone back.”
Jeongin’s eyes gleamed with something calculating. “Are you certain of that?”
A wave of overwhelming grief nearly knocked Jisung off his feet. A film reel of memories unfurled in his mind: Felix in the kitchen covered in flour and giggling, Felix comforting Jisung after his first break up, crawling into Felix’s bed at night when he’s so lonely it aches, watching Felix’s focused expression as he plays Genshin.
Jisung swallowed, remaining silent under the doctor’s scrutiny.
Jeongin continued. “Everything is impossible until it isn’t.”
“C-could you bring my friend back?” Jisung asked quietly.
Jeongin’s cruel smile returned. “I might need an assistant.”
He agreed, despite his better judgment, and took the job as Dr. Yang’s assistant.
Being Jeongin’s lab assistant led him to where he is now, flirting with a strange man in a bustling club. The man routinely visits this club every Saturday; every week he slips a pill into an unexpecting stranger’s drink. Jisung has been watching him for months, observing the careless way he gropes men without their consent and perfected the trick of distracting a potential suitor as he poisons them with rohypnol.
Tonight will be different for him. Jisung has switched their drinks. The rapist is not the only one capable of slight of hand. Jisung smiles coyly over his drink, fluttering his eyelashes. The man smirks arrogantly like he’s exceedingly clever in his deception.
Jisung returns to the stranger’s car with him. Everything about his car reeks of overcompensation, from the detailed leather seats to the air freshener hanging from his rearview mirror. He focuses on the Sandalwood scented tree as the man kisses a wet trail down his neck. His touch repulses Jisung, but he clenches his jaw and waits.
This is for Felix , he tells himself over and over again.
The man’s touch stalls and eventually he slumps over onto Jisung’s shoulder; his breathing levels out. Jisung shrugs him off with a huff.
“Gross.” He whispers to himself, wiping the saliva from his neck. Jisung reaches into the man’s pocket and takes his keys before sliding out of the back and into the driver’s seat.
Jeongin practically vibrates when Jisung arrives with a new specimen. The pair haul the unconscious man from the car into the lab. His limp weight flops down onto Jeongin’s vivisection table. They strap him down with reinforced restraints. The doctor is giddy as he assembles his tools.
“Good work, Jisung.” Jeongin claps. “This specimen is perfect to test my theory.”
Jisung hums. He’s in the habit of appeasing the doctor, listening to his monologues. Jeongin sips a dark colored liquid from a beaker that Jisung assumes, hopes , is coffee.
“We just need to wait for the effects of the rohypnol to fade.” Jeongin says before busying himself with another specimen. Jisung waits for their specimen to wake, too amped to sleep. The hours pass as he watches Jeongin complete other experiments.
Jisung has become desensitized to the horrors of Jeongin’s experiments. The first time he saw the stitched up abominations, he turned to vomit in the sink. Jeongin had rolled his eyes. “He’s being dramatic. You’re not that ugly, Specimen 786.” Jeongin purred at the beast.
Jisung recalled the way Specimen 786 twitched on the lab bench. It was covered in fur, likely an ordinary lab rat before the doctor mutilated it. Along its hairy spine were a series of beady black eyes that flicked in every direction. Its gnarled, yellow teeth had grown too large for its mouth and forced its jaw to hang open. The top of its skull was removed and replaced with a plastic dome so its brain remained visible to the doctor.
The doctor is staring at him expectantly. Jisung blinks away the memory and returns to the present. “Huh?” He asks ineloquently.
“Can you fetch us some food?” Jeongin repeats and hands Jisung a wad of cash before returning his attention to a vial of purple tinted liquid.
Jisung doesn’t mind going on food runs. Jeongin lets him keep the extra money. More importantly, it provides him with an escape when the lab becomes suffocating. Jeongin’s lab looks like something out of a horror movie. The grotesque specimens line the wall in glass cases. There are beakers and vials of mysterious liquids strewn across the lab and human skeletons hanging from hooks to dry.
Outside, the early morning sun beams down on him blindingly. Jisung shields his eyes. He wonders if the doctor has a vitamin D deficiency; Jisung has never seen him leave the lab during the day. He walks to the cafe a couple blocks west of Jeongin’s lab.
Genwa Cafe is painted pastel pink and yellow. Inside the cafe, cutesy hearts and flowers decorate the walls. Jisung smiles at the pretty boy behind the counter. His name tag reads Hyunjin .
Jisung flirts with Hyunjin as he waits for their food. Hyunjin twirls a lock of his hair around his finger. A familiar voice grabs his attention.
“Jisung, good to see you.”
He turns to find his Intro to Biology professor standing behind him. “Oh, hey Dr. Kim.”
“I haven’t seen you in class these past few weeks, yet your exam scores seem to be improving.” He points out.
Truthfully, the doctor he works for has been giving him a crash course in biology. He can’t tell Dr. Kim that though. “Oh! Um, just anxiety stuff. I’ve been studying hard on my own. I always get notes from Changbin.”
“Right.” His professor says suspiciously. “Well, good to see you. There are counseling services on campus. I know things have been hard for you since Fe…”
He cuts his professor off. Hearing his name still stings. “Yeah! I know. Thanks.”
Their food is ready and Jisung quickly scurries out of the cafe.
—————————————————————
The world to me was a secret, which I desired to discover.
Jeongin
The man wakes up screaming. They always do.
Jeongin doesn’t understand the purpose of resisting. The specimens will try to wriggle out of their restraints and scream against their gags. Their hostility only makes his job harder, but he needs this experiment alive. He waits for the man to calm down. Jisung finishes his sandwich from the cafe and tosses the trash aside.
His assistant stumbles over his feet to approach the vivisection table. “Will you need my assistance, doctor?”
The man on the table grows angry again at the sight of Jisung. His muffled screams intensify. Jeongin mulls over the procedure in his mind. He probably won’t need Jisung’s help for the experiment, but he wants someone to be here to see the brilliance of his discovery.
“Stay to witness the making of history.” Jeongin says. He connected electrodes to the man’s scalp and measured his brain activity while he was unconscious and the reading continued now, while he’s awake.
Jeongin removes the electrodes and takes the saw that is used to open the skull into his hands. “Let us begin.”
He saws through the thin layer of skin and muscle easily reaching the hard, smooth bone beneath it. Blood splatters with the back and forth motion of the electric saw. The specimen’s head is strapped down so he cannot move. His wails reverberate off the lab walls. Jeongin is grateful he took the time to soundproof the lab.
Jeongin removes the top part of the skull and exposes his meninges to the air. He reduces the specimen’s bleeding with topical thrombin. Fortunately, the man does not lose consciousness due to pain or shock which Jeongin credits to endogenous adrenaline.
“This is the part that will take the longest amount of time. I need to remove the dura mater but leave the thinnest layer of the meninges around the brain.”
Jeongin focuses on his work; his hands must stay steady and careful as he removes the outermost membrane.
“The meninges, cerebrospinal fluid, and skull smear the EEG signal, obscuring its intracranial source. It is mathematically impossible to reconstruct a unique intracranial current source for a given EEG signal. Some currents produce potentials that cancel each other out. I am attempting to remove as many barriers as possible so the signals can be tracked and replicated. He needs to be alive and have a functional brain so I can observe the patterns.”
Jisung nods along to his musing. Jeongin finishes removing the membrane and tugs on a helmet lined with electrodes. The signals pass through an amplifier and the computer screen produces waves in a pattern Jeongin has never seen before. He stares at the screen with wonder.
“Now, I’m going to get as much data as I can. Observe him under various stimuli.”
He shines a light into the specimen’s eyes and simulates different sensations on his skin. The experiment goes on. Jeongin systematically records each reaction. The specimen does not resist the trials.
After 45 minutes of trials the specimen’s brain waves change. He’s going into cardiac arrest. Jeongin was hoping he would have more time. This would be the final trial: capturing the process of the brain dying.
He watches the waves on the screen, enthralled by the simple process of watching the waves diminish to a flat line, documenting the absence of life. All the chemical processes and electrical impulses that constitute living cease. Jeongin longs to restart them.
He goes to the computer to study his data so he can apply what he’s learned. He needs time to look at everything. He hunches over the computer, his mind whirring with possibilities.
His assistant stands next to the now deceased specimen, looking pale. Jeongin smirks. “Jisung, you are free to go. Please put the body in the refrigerator on your way out.” Jeongin plans to sequester himself in his work for the foreseeable future.
“Cool. I’ll bring coffee tomorrow morning.” Jisung says, though Jeongin barely hears him.
——————————————————————————
It is true, we shall be monsters, cut off from all the world; but on that account we shall be more attached to one another.
Seungmin
Seungmin has known Jeongin for eight years. They met in his second year of undergrad. Seungmin didn’t have a single friend, but he did see the same boy lurking around the chemistry lab everyday. Seungmin heard him mumbling to himself and one day he approached the fox-faced student to ask what he was working on. He learned that despite Jeongin being a year younger than him, he was in more advanced courses than Seungmin.
Everyday following their first conversation, Seungmin met Jeongin in the lab and they worked on their assignments together. Sometimes they worked alongside one another in silence, sometimes they talked about their chemistry or biology assignments, but the most entertaining conversations were the ‘what ifs’ that Jeongin’s mind conjured. Seungmin found himself fascinated with the inner workings of Jeongin’s mind.
Jeongin was strange and he didn't seem to care much for other people, but Seungmin didn’t mind if their personal lives were not a topic of conversation. He was happy to have someone beside him.
Their arrangement changed in his senior year when Seungmin met Chan. The older man caused all the colors in Seungmin’s life to become extra saturated. He spent an inordinate amount of time smiling and kicking his feet over his first boyfriend. The only thing Seungmin wanted to do was spend time with Chan. The longer he dated Chan, the less he saw Jeongin. He stopped going to the lab to study with Jeongin. Truthfully, he saw less of everyone those first few months he dated Chan; he didn’t want to spend a moment away from his boyfriend.
He ran into Jeongin again in graduate school. His permanently apathetic expression turned vicious when he spotted Seungmin. Jeongin glared at him like he wanted to communicate his hatred for Seungmin with an expression alone. Seungmin supposed Jeongin could be upset that they stopped talking, but he didn’t think the younger man cared enough about him to be angry.
Seungmin wanted to apologize, but when he approached Jeongin the younger man turned to ignore him.
This would not be their last encounter. Jeongin was in the same graduate program. They began a rivalry between them to determine who could score higher on exams. They were always outdoing one another, battling to be the top of their class. Seungmin only had intense feelings about the younger man. He wants to say it was purely annoyance and jealousy, but the cocky expression on Jeongin’s face when he scored higher than Seungmin made his dick harden in his pants. The elation of beating him and seeing his seething eyes boring holes into the side of Seungmin’s head made him want to wrap a hand around his stiffening cock.
Seungmin noticed that Jeongin’s odd traits persisted. He lacked restraint with his work that alarmed some onlookers. Maybe this was the reason that Jeongin wasn’t friends with any of their classmates. In all the time Seungmin knew him, he didn’t seem to have any friends and Seungmin felt guilty for abandoning him.
Chan told him not to put so much blame on himself for the dissolution of their friendship. Friendship works both ways , he’d said. Still, Seungmin wished he could change the past. He wondered how things could have been different if he’d stayed friends with Jeongin.
Even after their second graduation, Seungmin couldn’t get away from Jeongin. The pair of newly graduated doctorates were hired to be professors at the same university. The discovery astonished Seungmin. It’s not as though they planned a life together, but the universe kept drawing them together like two opposite magnetic poles snapping into place.
When Jeongin had been fired from his teaching position, Seungmin found himself equally shocked. He chose not to partake in the gossip about Jeongin’s termination. His ex-friend was no longer just down the hall from him. In fact, Seungmin has no idea what Jeongin is doing for work now. Infuriatingly, Jeongin has taken up permanent residence in Seungmin’s mind after so many years. His mind spins unlikely grandiose narratives about his former colleague.
He’s thinking about Jeongin when he sees one of his students at a cafe across town. He recognizes Jisung because he and his best friend, Felix, attended every lecture in his introductory biology course. Unlike many other students, the pair chose to sit in the front of the lecture hall as though they were eager to learn.
Seungmin read about the car accident that killed Lee Felix in the student newspaper. A drunk driver ended his life on a dreary Thursday night just outside of campus. Seungmin may not remember all of his students, but he remembers the way Felix’s smile lit up the room. He wanted to offer Jisung his condolences and open his office for Jisung to talk with him anytime, but the student stopped showing up for class. Seungmin worried for him, hoping he would not get behind in his studies.
Surprisingly, Jisung’s exam scores improved despite his absence in class. Seungmin wonders if he got a private tutor. The food Jisung ordered is placed on the pick up counter and Seungmin notices that Jisung has ordered lunch for two. One of the meals is Jeongin's favorite.
An idea blossoms in his mind comically like a lightbulb flickers on above his head. What if Jeongin was tutoring Jisung?
It’s a long shot, obviously, but an uneasy feeling has taken root in his stomach. Portentous concern began swelling up inside him when Jeongin was fired from his job at the university. Seungmin needs to know if the rumors are true, if Jeongin has been doing horrible, unspeakable experiments.
“Jisung, good to see you.” He says cheerily.
Jisung nearly jumps out of his skin. “Oh, hey Dr. Kim.”
Their conversation is awkward and strained, which only serves to heighten Seungmin’s suspicion.
Seungmin and Jeongin aren’t friends and he has no business fretting over him. Therefore, it would be absolutely absurd to follow Jisung.
Right? He asks himself.
He watches Jisung grab his to-go bag and head out the door. The urge to tail Jisung tugs at his heart, as curved and sharp as a fishing hook. He grabs his Americano off the pick up counter and darts out the cafe door, catching Jisung just as he’s turning the corner.
Seungmin intentionally stays several yards behind the younger man, attempting to be less suspicious. When they finally arrive at a normal looking residential home, Seungmin feels even more silly for following Jisung.
Anyone could be tutoring Jisung. There’s no reason to believe that Jeongin lives here. There’s no evidence to believe Jeongin is doing anything unethical.
He scoffs quietly and chastises himself as he returns to the cafe. He tells himself that curiosity momentarily overrode his senses. He won’t let himself slip again.
*
Seungmin would love to say that he did not consider returning to the suburban home, knocking on the front door, and confronting Yang Jeongin. However, the recurrent desire to demand answers from his former friend plagues him.
Why had he really been fired?
What was he working on now?
The questions repeat on a loop in his mind. To make matters worse, his professional career has flatlined since Jeongin went off the grid. Seungmin’s motivation sank all the way to rock bottom. He realized that he was relying on Jeongin to challenge him. Without the bothersome pest constantly bragging about his accomplishments, Seungmin has grown terribly bored with his job.
He goes through the same routine everyday, trapped in the monotonous work cycle. In his free time his mind returns to Jeongin. He remembers Jeongin’s startled laughter so clearly that he can replay the sound over and over in his mind like rewinding and replaying a cassette tape. He imagined Jeongin working in another, nicer lab.
Seungmin goes through the motions of his evening. He prepares dinner and streams a romantic drama he isn’t interested in watching. It serves mainly as background noise, his mind drifting back to Jisung and Jeongin.
His sleep is disjointed and restless. His dreams feature a certain scientist and his fox-like grin. His final dream morphs into a nightmare. He was chasing a killer. When he finally caught the man, it was Jeongin that looked back at him. He grins maniacally. His jaw drops, prompting a fountain of blood to gurgle over his bottom lip and drip from his chin.
He startles awake, still panting from his dream. The hum of adrenaline courses through him. The clock reads 6:27 am. He finds himself filled with persistent frustration bubbling under his skin like an itch he can’t scratch. He utilizes the residual norepinephrine to jolt him into motion.
This is ridiculous . He tells himself, making a decision.
Seungmin tugs on his clothes and shoves his feet into his shoes. He marches out to his car and drives back to the house that he discovered the previous day.
There’s no concrete evidence that this is Jeongin’s home. Seungmin returned to the home on a hunch, nothing more than a gut feeling. He peaks in the windows to find the house surprisingly barren. He should have stopped snooping when he didn’t find any hint of Jeongin’s presence, but as he turns to leave, he catches a suspicious chemical scent coming from the cellar door. Seungmin pulls the unlocked door handle and it opens to reveal a dark stairway. The stench gets progressively more suffocating as he descends the rickety stairs. It smells of decay and sulfur.
He is greeted by a spine chilling sight. The walls are lined with glass jars of mutilated creatures, grotesquely altered and preserved. Some of the specimens look suspiciously human and Seungmin’s stomach twists uncomfortably at this realization. He knows Jeongin was accused of stealing from the cadaver lab, but he didn’t want to believe that it was true.
“Jisung, you’re early today.” Jeongin's voice echoes through the underground lab. Waves of nausea wash over him and his knees buckle. Everything he thought he knew about Jeongin feels like it’s crumbling around him. His eyes sting as tears accumulate along his lash line. He blinks them away and clears his throat.
Is Jisung involved in this?
His mind spirals with possibilities. The need to confront Jeongin intensifies. He wills his legs to step forward. When Jeongin comes into view, he looks nothing like Seungmin remembers. He hunches over his computer. Deep purple semicircles underline his bloodshot eyes.
“Jeongin.” Seungmin says. His voice cracks on the single word.
Jeongin’s head snaps toward him. “What are you doing here? How did you find my lab?”
“Does it matter?” Seungmin’s voice wavers. “What you're doing is wrong. Look at these lives you’ve corrupted. You mutilated and tortured them.” He gestures to the specimens along the walls.
Jeongin’s face is different too. He stares back at Seungmin with mismatched eyes. A strand of his raven hair turned a glacial white. One of his deep, coffee colored eyes has morphed into an antifreeze green color.
“They gave their lives for science, for the greater good.” Jeongin replies calmly, unblinking.
Delirium has taken Seungmin. This must be another nightmare. He touches Jeongin’s unpigmented cheek. “What have you done to yourself, Jeongin?”
Jeongin pulls away from his touch as if he was burned. “You don’t understand my work. You’re like everyone else.” Jeongin practically growls as he threatens Seungmin. “I expect you will keep this to yourself.”
“Or what? You’ll strap me to your table and make me your next specimen?” Seungmin asks incredulously.
“You would look gorgeous strapped to my table.” Jeongin looks him up and down with his sinister, wild eyes. Seungmin looks at him with disgust, despite the small, perverse part of him that is aroused by the idea.
Jeongin sighs. “I should have known you wouldn’t understand. You’re not like me. You’re afraid of pushing boundaries.”
Seungmin scoffs. “This is unethical, unsafe, and frankly, disturbing. You can’t keep doing things like this, Innie.”
Jeongin bristles at the nickname. “Don’t call me that!” He shouts, shaking with rage. “You lost the right to call me that a long time ago.”
His words shouldn’t cause a stab of pain through his chest, but they do. Jeongin seems to detect weakness in his resolve, so he pushes further. “How is Chan, by the way?”
“We broke up.” He says quietly. Jeongin twists the blade he planted in Seungmin’s heart.
“Well, isn’t that rich?” Jeongin laughs cruelly. “Poor Minnie. Don’t have the perfect man at home waiting for you anymore so you come crawling back to me?” Jeongin steps closer.
He swallows. One of the reasons Chan cited for dumping him was his ‘unhealthy obsession’ with Jeongin. At the time he thought Chan was looking for reasons to be upset with him, but he suddenly feels incredibly stupid. Seungmin feels all the wrong things. Jeongin’s actions are horrific, but Seungmin still wants him. He feels like he might lose the battle against his despicable, inescapable sexual desire. If Jeongin doesn’t kill him before he gets the opportunity.
Jeongin continues to provoke him. “You couldn’t stand being away from me.”
“I never meant to abandon you.” Seungmin’s voice is barely audible.
Jeongin’s offensive stance fumbles. He looks like he’s recalculating an especially challenging equation. “Of course you didn’t intend to forget about me, but no one was more important than your precious Chan.”
“I’m sorry, Jeongin.” The words finally tumble out of his mouth. After years of wishing he could apologize, he finds himself atoning for his past in the dank, dirty underground laboratory.
Silence eclipses the space between them.
“What are you working on?” Seungmin breaks the carefully constructed quiet hanging in the air. He needs to know, to understand why Jeongin would do this, and how far he’s willing to go.
Jeongin’s lips twitch upwards as though he’s repressing a smile. “I could really use your help, Minnie.”
“Show me.” He steadies his voice, trying to appear brave. He pretends this new Jeongin doesn’t frighten him. He pretends that a portion of that same fear does not curl and distort into paradoxical arousal.
Jeongin shows him the data on his computer screen. “This EEG is taken without being interrupted by the skull or the outer meninges.”
The sight shocks Seungmin to his core. He is immediately fascinated with the data. He longs to decode a piece of physiology that is not fully understood. Jeongin removed the barriers. The sickening realization that the person was awake during the procedure dawns on him with horrifying clarity. He imagines the person restrained against the table, his cerebrum exposed.
The results are simultaneously extraordinary and deeply disturbing . “This is amazing.” Seungmin's voice betrays his awe.
Jeongin directs one of his largest, most genuine smiles at him. “Do you understand why this is so important now? It’s not about some silly law or a single individual's well being. This is about creating life. This is about conquering death. We’re going to restore the shock of life to a rotting body.”
Alarm bells escalate to a deafening screech in his head. “Is this why they fired you? Is…” his throat closes around his next question, but he forces the words out. “Is Jisung a part of this?”
Jeongin nods. “There was speculation but they couldn’t confirm it was me stealing from the cadaver lab.” He pauses. “Jisung is my assistant. He is helpful with menial tasks, but he obviously doesn’t have our knowledge.”
Seungmin’s mind races to process the information.
Why would Jisung…
His next thought knocks the breath from his lungs.
“Felix.” Seungmin whispers. He wants to bring Felix back.
“Yes, when Jisung agreed to be my assistant, those were his terms of agreement. He wanted our first subject to be his deceased friend.” Jeongin seems completely unphased by the horrific experiment he is describing. “Think about how many people can have a second chance when we succeed in bringing him back.”
Lee Felix’s body is stored somewhere in this lab. Seungmin’s stomach lurches. Jeongin’s justification only marginally soothes him. “What about your EEG specimen? Does he get a second chance?”
Jeongin shrugs. “Jisung said he was a serial rapist. The world is better off without scum like him.”
The irony of his statement is not lost on Seungmin. He’s performing human experiments, torturing them while they’re alive, and mutilating their corpses. Yet he quickly condemns a stranger for their morally repugnant actions. Seungmin suspects that Jeongin only parrots Jisung’s moral justification for murder. Jeongin himself seems incapable of remorse. When they were friends, he asked Seungmin how to react in theoretical scenarios. Seungmin didn’t think much of it at the time. He assumed it was a way of getting to know one another. He understands now that Jeongin was trying to gauge how he was supposed to reply.
“Are you really going to get caught up in the details? Think about what it would be like to create life . You could be my partner. We could solve this together.” There’s a mad gleam in his eyes that unsettles him, but there’s also a hopefulness in his expression that tugs at his heart.
“If I don’t help you, are you going to kill me?” Seungmin needs to know.
Jeongin narrows his eyes. “That is an intriguing question.”
Seungmin hears his pulse thrum loudly in his ears. He waits for Jeongin to continue. His long, spindly forefinger traces the shape of his jaw. He does not meet Seungmin’s eyes. “I would miss you. I think I’d keep you hostage as a pet before I would kill you.”
Shivers wrack up his spine. His words are revolting, yet Seungmin’s body reacts with intoxicating desire. Maybe he is as demented as Jeongin. He wants to laugh at himself for indulging in this insane, stockholm syndrome fantasy.
The reality of the situation hits him in waves. His life and freedom are in danger. His stomach clenches violently and the room around him starts to distort. Jeongin could kill him with the same casual indifference one has over burnt toast. His sight blurs around the edges and black spots cloud his vision. His last thought is realizing he’s going to faint.
When he wakes he finds himself on a cot in the corner of the room, a knitted blanket thrown over his shoulder. He’s not bound; he could still sprint for the door.
“Innie?” His voice wobbles as he sits upright.
Jeongin turns from his work. His face appears to have a blue tint from the computer screen; it worsens the purple semi-circles under his eyes. “You’re awake.”
Seungmin’s skin prickles with anxiety. He stands up to leave. “I’ll be back.” He doesn’t run for the exit, instead he stands there looking at Jeongin like he’s waiting for permission.
Jeongin smiles. “I know.”
——————————————————————————
It is so long before the mind can persuade itself that she whom we saw every day and whose very existence appeared a part of our own can have departed forever.
Jisung
Jisung sips his Americano as he watches the doctor pace the length of the laboratory with a spring in his step, grinning jovially. He is unusually chipper this morning, especially given that he hasn’t slept or even finished an entire cup of coffee. His smile highlights his dimples, deepening them and making him appear younger. Jisung supposes he’s still pleased with the EEG experiment results.
The doctor dismisses him with a lazy wave; he lets Jisung do homework when he’s occupied and doesn’t have any work for Jisung. He sits at a lab bench with his laptop, opening his economics assignment. He stares at the screen for five achingly long minutes before he gives up on being productive.
He considers returning to his dorm room, but Felix’ absence is the loudest there. Felix’s family took most of his former roommates’ belongings out of their room after his funeral. The Lees generously let Jisung keep a few of his things. His hand instinctively finds Felix’s sun pendant at his throat.
He closes his eyes as his thumb traces over the divots of the charm. He counts eight spaces between the rays of sunlight. Tears accumulate and start to pool in the corners of his eyes.
The day he met Felix felt serendipitous. Most of Jisung’s life he struggled to make friends. He knew plenty of people, but no one put in the effort to truly understand him like Felix. Jisung soon learned that he and Felix were born only a day apart; it felt like fate brought them together. He bestowed the nickname Sunshine upon the aussie the day they met, unaware of how fitting the name would become. Felix was the sun he orbited around.
What happens when the sun is extinguished? All warmth dissipates, all life ceases, and the universe grows cold and barren.
His chest splits open. He tries to quiet his sobs, burying his face into his arms. The doctor blessedly ignores him, too absorbed in his own work to notice Jisung’s weeping.
He’s grateful the lab has a separate room where the mortuary refrigerator resides. The separation reduces the shame eating away at him. The pathetic things he says in this room stays within four walls. He opens the refrigerator to the face of the doctor’s latest experiment. He ignores the specimen in favor of pulling out Felix. His corpse is a grotesque sight. The embalming liquids have already begun to settle under his skin. His face is almost right. It occupies an uncanny valley between the Felix he loves and a rotting shell.
The mortician did her best to restore the body for the funeral. Felix had been ejected from the vehicle. The coroner’s report detailed his injuries, road burns, fractured skull, and lacerations covering his body from the broken glass of the windshield. His face remains beautiful even under the harsh, fluorescent light. Tears drip onto his cold, waxy skin. “I miss you so much, Lix.”
He sniffles, hunching over his stiff body. The smell of rot is barely detectable over the astringent glutaraldehyde. Snot starts to drip from his nose and he wipes roughly at it with his sleeve.
“I hope you can come back.” Jisung admits. “I know the doctor is a little unorthodox, but he means well.”
The lie tastes bitter on his tongue. Blinking away tears, he continues talking. “We can go back to that ice cream shop in Gyeongju. Maybe we’ll see the handsome guy that works there again. This time you can give him your number.”
He touches Felix reverently, fingertips tracing over his eyelids, the slope of his nose, the full curve of his lips. “I’ve been skipping classes. I know you would be disappointed in me, but it’s for a good cause. We’ll bring you back soon, I promise.”
The tears keep coming as he babbles to Felix. An indistinguishable amount of time passes before the doctor appears in the doorway, startling him.
“Jisung, you know his body can’t be out of the refrigerator for an extended length of time.” Jeongin reprimands, softening his voice as though he’s speaking to a child.
Jisung nods and turns back to the body. “Ok, Lix, I have to go but I’ll be back.” He whispers in the blond’s ear before sliding him back into the refrigerator.
“There’s something I want to try. I need your assistance.” Jeongin’s emotionless tone always sends Jisung reeling. He has a distinct air of superiority, while also sounding flat and disinterested. Jisung wonders if he’s socially awkward, an actual sociopath, or a combination of the two.
When they emerge from the refrigerator room, there is a dead cat on the bench. It more closely resembles a lump of orange and white fur than a house pet. Its body is sunken in on itself, stiff and curled into a C shape.
The doctor likely killed this specimen, Jisung recognizes it as a stray from the neighborhood. Devoid of empathy or mercy in his endeavors, the doctor often frightens Jisung with the lengths he will go to achieve his goals. There is no limit to the actions he will take to succeed in his experiment. The doctor’s obsession with conquering death consumes him. His actions easily escalate in severity and he remains undaunted and focused. Though the doctor terrifies him, there is no one better suited to the nefarious task before them.
Jisung does not dwell on the subject of animal cruelty nor Jeongin’s lack of research ethics. Instead, he attempts to keep up with the rapid-fire scientific jargon as Jeongin quickly explains his theory. The words all blend together for Jisung. He lacks the scientific knowledge that the doctor has cultivated over years of study. Jeongin shows him the data as he explains. The charts do not help him understand, but Jisung nods along regardless.
The doctor swiftly attaches electrodes to the body. He injects the cat with a syringe of clear fluid. Lastly, he turns to Jisung, “I need you to help me hold down the switch.” He explains. Jisung raises his palm to hold onto one side of the lever. Jeongin takes the other side. “Now.” Jeongin instructs and the pair flip the switch, activating the machine. It delivers electrical charges to the brain of the deceased specimen.
The electrical magnifier , as Jeongin referred to it, was somehow able to regenerate action potentials like the ones found under normal physiological conditions. It draws so much electricity that the lights flicker ominously above them. Jisung can feel electricity reverberate up into his shoulder. When the doctor motions to shut the machine off, Jisung drops his arm and the switch flops back into the off position. The two men remain very still, staring at the cat intently.
The rise and fall of its chest is so subtle Jisung wonders if he’s imagined it until the body spasms. The cat stretches its limbs as though it can dispel the muscle stiffness of rigor mortis.
Shock crashes into him at 300 miles per hour. He feels like he’s physically ripped apart by the impact. Sheer terror blends with his excitement and spills over into tremors. His body shakes and knees buckle.
Jeongin squeals excitedly. He strokes the cat’s fur and it seems to enjoy the attention, leaning into his hand. A purr rumbles from the tiny beast, which prompts Jisung to exclaim. “You did it! It’s really alive!”
“I don’t know if it will last, Jisung. Or what the side effects may be. This is a huge breakthrough though.” Jeongin beams at him. The cat rubs its face against Jisung. He pets it and comes away with a handful of orange fur. “Can we name him?“
“Firstly, it’s a female. Moreover, you can call it whatever you’d like, but I’ll be referring to it as Specimen 1055.”
“I’m going to call her Quinta!”
Quinta rubs her head against him again. Her eyes are a strange milky color, but her purr sounds like any other. A reassuring hum. For the first time, Jisung is hopeful they may succeed. It feels like they are teetering on the precipice of bringing Felix back. A whirlwind of emotions takes hold of him.
Relief should be his primary emotion, but instead a persistent fear rumbles through him.
What if Felix never comes back? What if he and the doctor only create a monster?
——————————————————————————
The whole series of my life appeared to me as a dream; I sometimes doubted if indeed it were all true, for it never presented itself to my mind with the force of reality.
Seungmin
When Seungmin was a small child, a severe infection ravaged his body. As his fever climbed, he grew increasingly delirious. He viscerally remembers the dizzying heat and disorienting separation from reality. No matter how hard he tried to clear the thick fog in his mind, it relented.
Scorching hot skin yet he shivered uncontrollably. Eyes glazed over, floating above his bed. He thought he was dying when the hallucinations started, or maybe they were dreams, Seungmin can’t be sure. The world became a tilt-a-whirl, shapes and colors blending together in a cacophony of indistinguishable sights and sounds. The worst part was that time didn’t seem to exist. He was suspended in a hellish, amorphous purgatory. An overwhelming fear whited out every other perceptible sensation.
He never forgot the intensity of that feeling. He never thought he would revisit that tiny, frightening infinity. Yet, as he sits alone in his bedroom replaying the memories of Jeongin’s lab, the same blinding terror takes hold of him. His willingness to let Jeongin upend everything in his life incites a sense of horror that replicates his fever induced nightmares. Seungmin finds himself trapped in a liminal space between reality and desire. He is willing to abandon years of college education and his career to follow after Jeongin in a deranged fantasy. That scares him more than anything.
The problem is Seungmin can’t be sure which life is a fever dream. His boring daily life where monotony threatens to undo him or the thrill of the unspeakable horrors in Jeongin’s lab.
How can he want something, someone , so clearly evil?
He can pretend that ethics will stop him from working with Jeongin. They won’t. He can pretend he doesn’t want to be Jeongin’s pet. He won’t. Surrendering to the heat and delirium feels too good. He has made his decision.
He returns to Jeongin’s lab with purpose. If he’s going to help Jeongin commit atrocities, he’s going all the way. Seungmin’s stomach drops as he descends the stairs into Jeongin’s cellar lab. The familiar stench burns his nasal passages.
“Jeongin?” Seungmin asks into the darkness.
“Minnie, you’re back.” Jeongin greets him.
The nickname causes butterflies to erupt in his stomach. The sound of his shoes peeling off the sticky floor echoes in the silence of the lab. He hovers behind Jeongin, illuminated in the light of his laptop.
“I want to help.” Seungmin says confidently.
Jeongin looks over his shoulder, assessing him. He stands to face Seungmin. Large hands pat him down as if he's looking for a weapon. It doesn’t escape Seungmin’s attention when Jeongin lingers on his ass longer than strictly necessary. “Do you think I brought a gun?”
One corner of his mouth tips up. “Checking for a wire.”
“You thought I would go to the police?” Seungmin sounds genuinely surprised as though he hadn’t considered reporting Jeongin to the authorities.
“Can’t be too safe.” Jeongin says, clasping his hands together. “I prepared some things I want your feedback on.”
He hands Seungmin a folder. He opens it to find it full of Jeongin’s messy, handwritten notes. Some of them are completely illegible. He’s struck by the realization that Jeongin printed out the readings and annotated them for his review.
“Ok. It will take time to read through these.” Seungmin plans to spread the notes out over his coffee table. He shutters at the thought of working on this in his office at the university.
“Make yourself comfortable.” Jeongin gestures to an empty bench.
“Here?” Seungmin baffles. He hadn’t expected Jeongin would want him to stay .
“Why would I wait for your response when you’re here now ?” Jeongin asks, turning back to his computer.
Seungmin relents, sitting at the empty bench. Jeongin can be very entitled. He doesn’t ask , so much as he tells Seungmin to do something.
Still, Jeongin’s scrawls feel like they’re burning a hole through his palm. Curiosity getting the better of him, he eagerly submerges himself in the stack of papers. The more he reads, the more his mind starts organizing information and building the pieces of Jeongin’s theories. His brain reels; he feels like a spider weaving a web, making connections.
He makes his own notes alongside Jeongin’s. Too absorbed in his thoughts, he loses track of time. It feels like here , in Jeongin’s poorly lit, underground laboratory, time does not exist. When he stands to stretch his hunched limbs, he meets Jeongin’s eyes keenly observing him.
“Your amplifier is genius,” Seungmin smiles against his better judgment. “I have a theory about why your reanimation is temporary.” He brings his notes over to explain his response to Jeongin’s postulated theory. The pair discuss late into the morning hours. Seungmin tinkers with the machine, surprised that Jeongin lets him make adjustments.
Seungmin’s stomach grumbling seems to shatter the illusion. He hadn’t even thought about eating in hours. “Oh.” He says shyly.
Jeongin tosses him a protein bar and a bottle of water. Seungmin catches them begrudgingly. “Thanks.”
“They’re not drugged or anything, you don’t have to look so weary.” Jeongin says, making a show of unwrapping his own protein bar. He decides it’s probably safe to eat and follows Jeongin in taking a bite. The thick bar of almonds and chocolate dries his mouth, but Seungmin still doesn’t open the water. Jeongin seems to catch on and sighs. He strides forward, takes the bottle from Seungmin’s hand, and twists off the cap. He meets Seungmin’s eyes as he tilts the bottle up, wrapping his lips over the top of the bottle.
Seungmin’s eyes follow the sharp line of his jaw down to his neck as he swallows. His Adam's apple bobs. “Not poisoned. You’re safe.” Jeongin grins before returning the bottle to him. Jeongin’s fingers brush against his. Seungmin grips the bottle; he feels slightly lightheaded.
“ Thanks.” He croaks.
Jeongin’s smirk never falters. “So. Why did you and Prince Charming break up?”
For a moment Seungmin’s brain can’t decipher the meaning of his question. He forgot about his history with Jeongin and the world beyond this bubble around them.
Right, Chan dumped him. Jeongin doesn’t know that .
“He ended it.” Seungmin doesn’t recognize his own voice.
Jeongin’s eyes meet him, holding him captive in his stare. “Why.”
It is not a question, but a demand for information. “He said we grew apart. That I…” his throat constricts and tears swell in his eyes. “Wasn’t interested in him.”
He rapidly blinks the wetness away. Jeongin scoffs, but doesn’t interrupt. He’s as condescending as he is handsome.
“He said I spend more time thinking about how to one up Yang Jeongin than quality time with him.”
Jeongin’s maniacal smile cracks his face in half. “All that work you put in during grad school. All just for me?” He gloats. His stupid, arrogant, handsome face mocking Seungmin’s heartache.
He has no idea how correct he truly is, how I fell apart the moment he was gone. He laughs bitterly in disbelief.
“Shut up.” Seungmin says before he grabs both sides of Jeongin’s lab jacket and pulls him into a searing kiss.
He doesn’t expect Jeongin to kiss him back. He especially doesn’t expect him to be a good kisser. His pillowy lips are doing all the work. He tastes like stale coffee as he licks into Seungmin’s mouth.
Seungmin quickly loses his ability to think beyond Jeongin’s lips against his. He drapes his arms over Jeongin’s surprisingly broad shoulders. This prompts the younger to grab his hips. Jeongin’s canines bite down against his bottom lip. It feels like the tender skin could split under his sharp, pointed teeth and fill their mouths with the taste of blood. A whimper escapes his lips. Jeongin kisses him like he’s claiming him. He bites down hard and sucks marks into Seungmin’s skin everywhere he can reach.
His teeth dig into his ear lobe and his lips ghost over the shell of his ear. His voice rumbles in Seungmin’s ear. Goosebumps erupt over his skin. “You are mine, Kim Seungmin.”
He feels like prey and he wants so badly to be consumed. “Fuck.”
Jeongin’s fingers wind into the hair at his nape and tug his head back. “Say it.”
“I’m yours.” Seungmin surrenders to the arousal building deep within him.
Jeongin turns him around and pulls down his pants. He pushes his body flush against Seungmin, sandwiching him between the broad length of Jeongin’s body and the cold, metal side of his vivisection table. “You’re letting me have you against my table. You came looking for me.”
He did come looking for Jeongin. “I need you… to challenge me.”
Jeongin moans as he presses his slick fingers inside Seungmin. He should be concerned about what Jeongin is using as lube, but he’s enthralled by the tantalizing way his fingers circle his rim. “I missed you too, Minnie. There are so many things I can teach you now.”
The table digs into his thighs, leaving an indentation in the supple flesh. Seungmin does his best to relax despite the slight burn of the intrusion. Jeongin’s movements are slow but calculated as he strokes his long fingers over Seungmin’s prostate.
Seungmin cries at the sensation of pleasure building in his stomach. Jeongin presses a third finger alongside the others. It becomes very apparent Seungmin hasn’t done this in a while.
Jeongin’s lips tickle against his ear causing him to shiver. “Say you wanted this.” Jeongin says, rubbing the head of his cock against Seungmin’s rim. “Tell me you thought of me when you touched yourself.”
“Fuck, I did. I do.” He forces the words out as Jeongin eases inside him. He allows time for Seungmin to adjust to his size.
“I hated thinking about you taking Bang Chan’s cock. It should've been me bending you over.”
Jeongin slowly eases all the way out before slamming into him. Seungmin screams from dual sensations of pleasure and surprise. He lets out a series of high pitched whimpers. Jeongin’s fingernails dig semicircles into his hips from how tightly he holds him, fucking into him like a toy.
The slick, cherry red head of Seungmin’s cock drools onto the bench as the motion of Jeongin thrusting into him causes his cock to rut against the smooth stainless steel of the table.
“I’m gonna fucking keep you here as my pet.” Jeongin grunts as he fucks Seungmin harder. “Then I can use your hole anytime I need to blow off steam.”
Seungmin’s mind has turned to mush. The idea of being a toy, an object for Jeongin to use for his pleasure, sends arousal throughout his body like a continuous circuit. He keens, and he feels himself babbling and whining pleas for Jeongin to use him.
“I could keep you strapped to my table. Keep you begging for me like a whore since you crave my attention so badly. You hunted me down because you needed me.”
Seungmin’s eyes roll back. “Jisung could see you like this. Don’t worry, I won’t let him touch you. But I would let him watch.”
The idea is unbelievably shameful yet it sends bolts of arousal through his veins. A student seeing him in this pitiful state, whining and completely lax as Jeongin uses his body as a fleshlight, makes him feel fuzzy all over. Static thrumming between his neurons.
“Bring a plug next time you barge into my lab. I want you to hold my come inside you.” Jeongin says as he wraps a hand around him. A few strokes of his fist over Seungmin’s needy cock and he’s coming so hard his ears start ringing. It feels like he’s coming for a brief eternity, painting the table in sticky white ropes.
Jeongin groans loudly and thrusts faster, fucking him through his orgasm. He holds Seungmin so tightly that he’s sure there will be bruises in the shape of his fingerprints on his hip bones.
Jeongin keeps fucking into him until his skin crawls from overstimulation. “S-stop it hurts.” Seungmin whines.
“Keep fucking taking it.” Jeongin doesn’t slow his movements. The words make him feel like he’s free falling. Sparks of arousal begin to ignite in his gut once more.
Jeongin’s thrusts become erratic. He jerks and whimpers as he spills inside Seungmin. “Good boy.” Jeongin’s whispered affirmation gives him chills.
Jeongin lingers, his chest pressing against Seungmin’s back. Every inhale draws them closer together. It would be reasonable to have some form of post nut clarity at this moment. However, Seungmin only wants more . One time is all it takes for Seungmin to be addicted to sex with Jeongin.
The absence of alarm bells amongst the macabre, rotting flesh of the experiments surrounding them terrifies him. He should turn and flee from the monster Jeongin has become, but he can’t find the willpower to condemn his friend. Shaky hands fumble with pulling his pants back on, though he still feels uncomfortably sticky between his legs.
Jeongin turns him around to meet his eyes. Seungmin startles, still surprised by his peculiar eyes. He cups Jeongin’s face and brushes his thumb over his silvery eyelashes, feeling them flutter against his skin.
“I have to go.” Seungmin says. “But, I’ll come back.”
Jeongin tightens his grip around Seungmin’s waist. “Why should I let you leave?”
“People would come looking for me.” Seungmin reasons. The acute sensation of danger trembles down his spine.
Jeongin hums. “I suppose you’re correct about that.”
The cellar door opens and Seungmin startles. “Hey doc, I brought coffee!” Jisung calls from the entrance of the lab.
Seungmin must look panicked because Jeongin exhales a laugh and releases him. “Bye, Min, come back soon.”
His legs feel like they’re made of lead as he turns to leave. Jisung meets his eyes as they cross paths. His face morphs into a comically exaggerated expression of shock, but neither of them speak. He isn’t ready to confront his student nor his own involvement with Yang Jeongin.
The morning sunlight blinds him on impact. He blinks several times to recalibrate his vision. He refuses to let himself spiral into a pit of shame and disgust until he’s safely returned to his home.
Jisung is just a kid. He shouldn’t be involved in this.
I shouldn’t be involved with this! He counters himself.
Once he showers and collapses on his couch, Seungmin pours himself a glass of soju and sighs heavily. The more he thinks about Jeongin, the fewer objections he has. He so desperately wants to be consumed by Jeongin. Sex should have satisfied his overwhelming desire. He was expecting the ultimate post-nut clarity, but it never came. Once wasn't enough for Seungmin. His need for the mad doctor has only increased.
His acute self-awareness fails him now. The thoughts of decency and compassion have left him, there is no room for them, pushed out of his mind by the sheer size of his dedication to Yang Jeongin.
Foolishly, helplessly enamored, he would do anything Jeongin asked of him. Be anything that Jeongin wanted him to be, to his own detriment.
Jeongin fever has taken hold of him. The heat and delirium is worse than he’s ever experienced. He tips back the glass of soju and the artificial taste of white peach floods his senses, burning down his esophagus. He didn’t expect to feel better after drinking, but he wants to feel different . Better to be projectile vomiting white peach soju onto his bathroom wall than to think about Jeongin touching him.
*
Unhappy man! Do you share my madness? Have you drunk also of the intoxicating draught?
*
He wakes to his head throbbing painfully and his throat parched. Predictably, he feels like shit after his night of drinking. He drags himself to the cafe by his house to replenish himself with a hearty breakfast and caffeine.
His headache hasn’t fully subsided when Han Jisung slides into the booth across from him. Seungmin chokes on his Americano. He doesn’t know what to say to his student.
“What were you doing with Dr. Yang?” He doesn’t greet Seungmin before he demands information.
“The same thing you're doing. Helping him with his experiments.”
“Why?” Jisung counters, maintaining his blunt tone.
He doesn’t know how to answer that question. They lapse into silence momentarily before Jisung asks, “Is he… your boyfriend?”
Seungmin laughs incredulously. “No, we’re friends.”
“But you want him to be your boyfriend?” Jisung asks.
It feels like a juvenile question. As though he’s going to pass Jeongin a note asking him to ‘check yes or no’ to his request to be his boyfriend.
“Yes.” His voice is barely audible and he averts his eyes. Shame burns holes in his stomach.
“I know how that feels.” Jisung says thoughtfully. “I just wanted to be sure you weren’t trying to get the details before you go to the police, but you wouldn’t do that to him, would you?”
Seungmin shakes his head. “I wouldn’t hurt Jeongin.”
Jisung’s expression turns to one of pity. “Your Harley and Joker relationship with Dr. Yang is none of my business. Like I said, I just needed to make sure you weren’t going to get in the way. We’re so close, I can feel it.” Jisung’s eyes sparkle.
“Was he your boyfriend?” Seungmin returns the question.
Jisung’s smile drops. “No.”
Seungmin nods. “But you wanted that.” It’s not a question so much as it is a confirmation.
Jisung glares. “Yes.”
Seungmin is in no position to pass judgment upon Jisung. They make a horrifically sad pair. Both of them exemplify the cruel, evil things a desperate man will do for love. “I look forward to working together.”
Jisung stands. “Catch you later, Harley.”
He leaves the cafe and Seungmin stares after him. He’s familiar with the reference. Harley Quinn. Dr. Harleen Quinzel is a career-oriented psychologist that falls in love with her sociopathic patient. She also gave up a career to follow a loveless man into a life of crime. The accuracy of Jisung’s comment stings. He knows he’s being irrational, but his self awareness is inconsequential. He needs to keep seeing Jeongin.
——————————————————————————
There is something at work in my soul, which I do not understand.
Jeongin
There are a handful of epiphany moments for Jeongin. The first realization came to him as he sat in the principal’s office for the third time in only a month. His angry, exasperated fourth grade teacher recounted to his parents how he tugged Park Jiwon’s arm cast until it came off and exposed her broken arm. They wanted to know why he had done it and he told them the truth. He wanted to know what a broken arm looked like. Apparently this is not the appropriate response. The worst part, explained the principal, is that Jeongin would not apologize.
His mother scolded him and ordered him to apologize to Jiwon, who sat outside the principal’s office, sniffling.
“Why?” He asked. He recalls the way the purple and green patchwork of bruises decorated her arm. He couldn’t see any evidence of a broken bone externally, which only served to exacerbate his curiosity. He found himself wanting to push Jiwon further, to see what it might look like to press his fingers into her battered skin. He certainly did not feel remorseful for his curiosity.
“You could have seriously hurt her. That is a terrible thing to do to your classmate.” His mother explained as though it was obvious.
“Why?” He asked again. Why should he care if Park Jiwon’s arm never heals? It’s not his arm.
The adults paused in collective silence for a moment before his father grabbed him from his seat and jerked him by the arm down the hall and into the bathroom. The moment the door closed behind them, his father’s palm struck Jeongin across his face.
Sharp, stinging pain blossomed within his cheek. “You will apologize to your classmate and to your mother for talking back.” His father snarled at him, his fingers dug into his arm.
He suppressed another why ? Pain was a motivator that even Jeongin understood. His father’s beatings did not instill a sense of empathy within him. Instead, he learned to lie. Jeongin mastered the art of deception easily. He simply told people what they wanted to hear.
This subsequent realization allowed him to navigate life without getting into any serious trouble. He can have whatever he wants so long as he plays this pointless game of politeness and perplexing social rules.
Impulsivity continues to challenge him into his adulthood. Now, for instance, he must wait for Jisung to bring back specimens instead of picking up a stranger off the street. He is not a man of patience and he grows agitated by the prospect of waiting for specimens to be delivered.
There is always Kim Seungmin, he would come if Jeongin asked him and he would be easy to subdue. However, if he killed Seungmin, he would once again find himself in dire need of a companion with the same sharp wit and relevant knowledge set.
Seungmin matches him in many ways. Jeongin does not concern himself with sentimental attachments like most people. He does not truly long for Seungmin’s company so much as he relies on Seungmin’s insight.
Science requires revision. He knew he would not be successful on his first attempt. Trial and error are essential parts of scientific discovery. The problem that arises is Jeongin’s blindness to his work. After staring at his data for days on end, he begins to miss things. Seungmin has fresh eyes that Jeongin desperately needs in order to progress his theories.
Jeongin has always considered love to be an absurd concept. There is no way to quantify such a thing, yet humans are willing to die in the name of love . Which begs the questions: does Seungmin love him? How would he know?
Jeongin knows that he likely has antisocial personality disorder. He diagnosed himself when he was nineteen. He is likely incapable of feeling emotions like others. Seungmin may be the closest thing to romantic love that Jeongin could experience. He does not grow tired of his presence. He feels a strange possessiveness toward him. Jeongin enjoys having sex with him. What more could love entail?
Such strange thoughts cloud his mind in the dark, sleepless corners of his lab. Specimen 1055 rubs against his leg, leaving a bloody patch of fur and skin stuck to his pants.
Jeongin paces as he thinks. The sharp crack of thunder interrupts his thoughts and the lights flicker overhead. The storm seems to parallel the hurricane brewing in his psyche. If the power goes out in his lab, he could face disastrous consequences. How would he keep his specimens cold?
Rage takes hold of him and Jeongin throws glassware on the ground. Lost to his unrelenting anger, he begins to ransack his lab, shattering half filled beakers and toppling the chairs along the benches.
Specimen 1055 hides, its tail between its legs. Broken glass crunches under his shoes. Thunder echoes through the cellar. Jeongin loses himself further. Stumbling up the stairs and out into the yard. Rain pelts him, immediately soaking through his clothes.
He utilizes his fury to march through the rain to Seungmin’s house. He shared Seungmin’s location with his phone while Seungmin was unconscious in his lab during their reunion. He was never truly going to let him get away.
When he arrived at Seungmin’s house he was drenched. The cold seeped through to his bones. He shivers as he stands on Seungmin’s porch and knocks on his front door.
Seungmin looks very surprised to see him, or perhaps he’s surprised that Jeongin is dripping onto his welcome mat. Seungmin wordlessly ushers him inside. Jeongin’s manic energy fizzles in the air between them.
“Do you have a generator?” He asks, his thoughts move so quickly that they blur into one another.
Seungmin doesn’t respond before Jeongin begins explaining. “If the storm causes the power to go out, the specimens will be ruined.”
“Did you walk here in the rain? How do you know where I live?” Seungmin asks incredulously.
Jeongin shakes his head. “You answer first.”
“Yes, actually, I do have a generator. Yes, you can borrow it.”
Jeongin wants to kiss him. Of course Seungmin has a generator, he’s always prepared. This is why I can’t kill him, he’s so practical. Jeongin thinks.
“I shared your location with my phone.” Jeongin says. “Will you give me a ride back to my lab?”
Seungmin sighs, he disappears briefly before he rolls a portable generator on wheels into the room and grabs his keys.
The pair stop by a gas station to fill the generator with fuel. Seungmin buys snacks at the convenience store. He hands Jeongin a sugar free energy drink. It’s his favorite kind; Seungmin must have remembered him drinking them in undergrad.
Rain pours off the gas station awning. The heavy scent of gasoline wafts through the car as Seungmin fills the tank of the generator. It makes a sloshing noise as he lifts the heavy generator into the back of his car. He throws a piece of licorice at Jeongin for not offering to help. Jeongin hadn’t eaten anything and he feels a recurrent sense of gratitude toward Seungmin.
“Thanks.” Jeongin smiles at him as he takes a bite of the candy.
Seungmin looks away, his cheeks turning pink. “I got you a sandwich too. If you’re hungry.”
“Starving. Jisung has the weekends off.” Jeongin reaches into the plastic convenience store bag and unwraps a sandwich.
The drive is quiet as Jeongin eats and Seungmin drives carefully under the torrential downpour. He can feel his blood sugar replete and soothe some of the maniacal rage from earlier. Or maybe it’s just Seungmin’s presence that pacified him.
When they arrive at Jeongin’s, the storm is in full force. Sheets of rain batter the windshield. Concern for his experiments bubbles up in his chest. He is once again glad he sought Seungmin during the storm.
He helps Seungmin remove the generator this time. The rain relentlessly saturates their clothes. Droplets accumulate along his lash line and Jeongin blinks them away. Seungmin yells over the roar of the deluge. “I’ll set it up. You can go ahead.”
Jeongin nods and pries the cellar door open. Seungmin follows shortly after. He runs his hands through his wet hair. “As fun as this is, I’m going to head home. I don’t enjoy the sensation of being marinated in rain water.”
He looks at the mess Jeongin made before he trekked to Seungmin’s house. “Woah, what happened here?”
Jeongin shakes his head. “Temper tantrum.” He does not elaborate.
Specimen 1055 makes a mrrrp noise when it sees Seungmin, headbutting his wet pants leg. Seungmin smiles at the tiny beast. He kneels to gently stroke the fur behind its ears. “Quinta, I see you’re feeling well.”
“Ugh, not you too.” Jeongin groans. Jisung insists on naming the experiments like they’re household pets.
Seungmin smiles goodnaturedly. Jeongin wants to wipe the genuinely happy look off his face. Doesn’t he know he’s petting a rotting corpse?
“I killed her.” Jeongin says. “I’ve killed people. I don’t feel remorse for ending their lives.”
Seungmin’s eyes harden, staring intently at him. “I know.”
“Do you love me, Seungmin?”
Seungmin startles slightly at his question. He pauses contemplatively. “I don’t know.”
Jeongin nods. “You didn’t ask me if I love you.”
“I know you don’t, Jeongin, I’m not a fool.”
This makes him laugh. “I don’t think I can love you, or anything, more than my work.”
“I know.” Seungmin says. “Why are you telling me this?”
“I don’t want to lie to you. Which is a first for me; I tell more lies than truths. I manipulate people to get what I want. I manipulated Jisung into being my assistant.”
“Right.” Seungmin says, still looking at him like he should get to the point.
Jeongin feels frustrated and he’s not sure why . He grits his teeth. “You’re special, Kim Seungmin. I would kill for you.”
Seungmin blinks. “You would?”
“Yes.” He says without hesitation. “I value your contributions to my work.”
Seungmin blushes, and stares at his feet. Jeongin snorts involuntarily. “You’re just as demented as me, aren’t you?”
It is a realization that puts him at ease. He knows Seungmin has strong values, that he enjoys his career, and he couldn’t figure out why Seungmin would risk so much to help him. Jeongin wholeheartedly believes the risks are worth the benefit, but he also knows that most people would find his actions repulsive.
In order to understand human behavior, he spent many years observing and studying those around him. Jeongin wanted to remove the barrier of society’s inane set of rules. In order to do this, he learned to influence and manipulate others for his own benefit. Everyone wants something , he just needs to figure out their weakness to exploit.
What Seungmin wants most is him . To crave insanity is a form of insanity in itself.
He kisses Seungmin. Their lips are wet and a drop falls from his soaked hair, rolls down his cheek, and joins their kiss.
Seungmin pulls back slightly, their noses still brushing against one another. His breath fans over Jeongin’s face as he speaks. “This isn’t to manipulate me?”
The truth feels like weakness. Maybe that’s what love is, weakness. “No. I want to kiss you for an entirely different set of selfish purposes.”
Seungmin smiles against his mouth. “Me too.”
Jeongin regards Seungmin with the reverence with which he views his tools. He leans away this time. “You know, I do have a home above us. Would you like to shower and change clothes?”
“Please.” Seungmin agrees.
He doesn’t spend much time in his house. Really, it acts more like a cover for his lab. Though it is nice to shower and occasionally sleep in an actual bed rather than slumped over his notes. He’s never used the kitchen and he does not own a television. The home is all but barren, though Seungmin doesn’t say anything about it. Jeongin leads him to the upstairs bathroom before rummaging through a laundry basket for towels and clothes. Another perk of having Jisung, he does Jeongin’s laundry.
The bathroom is suffused with steam by the time he returns. Seungmin sings quietly to himself. His voice is particularly lovely and Jeongin wonders why he’s never heard Seungmin sing before.
“I brought you a towel and clothes, Minnie.”
“Thank you. You’re welcome to join me.”
Jeongin joins him, immediately dropping to his knees to suck him off. Seungmin startles, but doesn’t resist when Jeongin takes his soft cock into his mouth. He looks up through his eyelashes at a pleasure stricken Seungmin. He could get used to this.
*
The clamor of pots and pans wakes Jeongin. He slept through the night and into midday. It is an alarmingly long time for him; he typically subsists on an average of three hours per night. He rubs the crust from his eyes as he stumbles to the kitchen.
He finds Seungmin hovering over a skillet. He looks over his shoulder at Jeongin. “Good morning.”
Jeongin knew the commotion was likely caused by Seungmin, but he still finds himself surprised that he stayed. “Are you seriously cooking?”
“Of course, aren’t you hungry?” He says, sounding annoyingly correct. His stomach grumbles in agreement, which prompts Seungmin to laugh.
“Sit. It’s almost ready.”
Jeongin wants to protest simply because he dislikes being told what to do, but there is no logical reason to resist. He sighs in defeat. “What are you making?”
Seungmin sets a plate in front of him. The smell immediately makes his mouth pool with saliva. Kimchi pancakes and fried eggs glisten with hot oil. Seungmin places his own plate across from Jeongin before he adds small dishes of kimchi, orange slices, and manduguk to the table. Finally, he sits two steaming mugs of coffee on each side.
“Did you get possessed by my eomma overnight?” Jeongin raises an eyebrow at him.
Seungmin stifles a giggle. “You eat too much junk food.”
“That is exactly what my eomma would say.” He narrows his eyes suspiciously. He’s not complaining though. He breaks apart the pancakes with his chopsticks and shovels savory, spicy bites into his mouth with gusto.
“You need the energy for when we clean the lab.” Seungmin offers, gingerly sipping his coffee.
Jeongin groans, gearing up to object before Seungmin cuts him off. “You don’t want glass serrating your specimens, do you?”
Jeongin pouts. “Fine.”
Seungmin is obnoxiously correct. Jeongin eats until his stomach feels close to bursting. The food reminded him of his mother and grandmother’s cooking. Another foreign wave of gratitude washes over him. “Thank you.” He whispers so softly that he’s not certain Seungmin can hear him.
Seungmin must understand him because he smiles at him. The tops of his cheeks are dusted with pink. “Let's get to work.”
The pair work efficiently together. Seungmin dons protective gloves as he wipes up puddles of mystery liquids and shattered glass fractals. Jeongin sweeps the floor. The clinking sounds of glass pieces colliding as they’re swept fills the space between them.
Seungmin takes out the garbage and enlists Jeongin to help label his specimen jars and vials of clear liquids. They spend most of the day tidying the lab. It’s surprisingly exhausting work. Jeongin longs to work on something related to his experiments, but as the afternoon wears on, Seungmin insists they break for dinner. Jeongin feels too tired to resist Seungmin’s demands.
It’s odd to see his refrigerator full of food as he grabs two cans of sparkling water. He quickly spoons Seungmin’s kimchi jjigae into his mouth so he can return to his work.
Seungmin doesn’t bother him after that. Jeongin works late into the night, but he eventually wanders upstairs to find Seungmin sleeping, curled into a ball in his bed. The newfound familiarity comforts him.
*
Jeongin has eaten and slept better in the two days Seungmin has stayed with him than he ever had on his own. He feels replenished when he begins his work on Monday morning. When Seungmin joins him, sleep still clings to him. His hair is bed ruffled and his eyes are slightly puffy. He looks cute. Jeongin smiles to himself as they both work silently.
Jisung arrives later in the morning with coffee for two. Jeongin did not plan for Jisung and Seungmin’s meeting. He assumed Jisung would not question an additional crazy professor. The pair share an uneasy familiarity. They do not look surprised by one another’s presence. They seem to acknowledge an unspoken understanding of their roles within Jeongin’s lab. Which only serves to make Jeongin’s life easier, therefore he does not question their provisional accord.
Jisung hands him a large black coffee. The cup is scalding; it burns his palm. Jisung offers Seungmin the coffee he bought for himself. Seungmin declines, but offers him a small, appreciative smile. Jisung bends down to greet specimen 1055, as he always does, as though the beast understands his words.
Jisung shrieks deafeningly and Jeongin winces at the abrupt sensory input. Jisung’s eyes fill with tears as he holds the specimen’s limp body.
Jeongin looks at the putrefied body in his hands; it has decayed to the point of being an unsuitable experiment. Its fur has completely fallen away. Bloat has taken hold of the corpse as bacteria feed on its flesh. Livor mortis gives the skin a distinct purple color. Jeongin wrinkles his nose. “You may dispose of the corpse, Jisung. It’s no longer a suitable specimen.”
Jisung’s eyes widen. “What? No! You- you can’t give up on her!”
Jeongin grimaces judgmentally. “Jisung, it’s decomposing. The organ damage is irreversible. Do you know what happens to a body when it dies? The cells lyse and the organs consume themselves. Bacteria are eating it from the inside.”
Jisung’s lip wobbles. Seungmin looks between them with cautious intrigue as though he’s interested to see how Jeongin interacts with Jisung. His assistant sniffles pathetically, still looking at him with pleading eyes. “Don’t you want to know if your machine will still work? Like to measure when the decay is too great? Please, just once more. I didn’t get to say goodbye.”
Jeongin sighs. “Very well, but don’t get your hopes up.”
He obliges Jisung’s sentimentality for the sake of preventing his incessant whining. Though, he is curious if the extent of decay plays a role in the magnifier’s success. Thus far, the experiments can stay reanimated for about 48-72 hours. He has tried other specimens, mice mainly, with consistent results.
“This will be a good opportunity to demonstrate the electrical magnifier.” He says to Seungmin who simply nods. He does not need to explain the process to Seungmin. He already understands the methodology. Seungmin watches as he attaches the electrodes to specimen 1055. Jeongin retrieves a pre-filled syringe of epinephrine and proliferated stem cells that aid in the regeneration of action potentials.
He instructs Seungmin to help him hold down the lever. The electrical magnifier flickers and resists their hold. Seungmin watches the brilliant waves of electricity sparking from the machine. The familiar sensation of electrical charges reverberating through his body excites him further. The atmosphere around them feels permeated with fizzling electricity. His hair stands up straight. Seungmin stares, looking baffled. Beside them, Jisung holds his breath. He does not take his eyes off the specimen.
“Let go!” Jeongin tells Seungmin and the pair release the switch. It slams back to the off position.
The trio wait in tense silence, every eye locked on Specimen 1055. Its body remains sickly and bloated, but it twitches. It stretches stiffly, almost like it had the first time it was reanimated. Its movements are stilted and it lets out a pitiful mewling noise. Jeongin wonders if the beast is in pain. It seems to cower into itself. Jisung is quick to speak to it. “Hey, Quinta, it’s ok. You’re ok.”
It turns toward him, ears perking up. It immediately hops into Jisung’s lap, eager to see him. The foul bloat and stench do not deter Jisung as he whispers reassurances to it. Seungmin looks horrified by Jisung’s reaction, turning to Jeongin in disbelief. Jisung, like Seungmin, lost a piece of his sanity before following after Jeongin in his endeavor to recreate life.
Jeongin stifles a disbelieving laugh. “I don’t know how long it will stay reanimated, Jisung. You should say your goodbyes now.”
Despite his general annoyance with his assistant, Jisung’s insistence upon the experiment did illuminate more questions. He returns to his work with single minded determination. He does not pause when Seungmin brings him lunch, nor when Jisung says goodbye for the evening.
Seungmin continues to work alongside him, his materials spread out over one of the benches, his legs tucked under him. He reviews Jeongin’s work with a critical lens, making his own comments.
One thing Jeongin has always appreciated about Seungmin is their comfortable silence. His colleagues’ brow pinches in concentration and Jeongin catches himself watching the other man.
His fingers look graceful wrapped around his pen, combing through his hair, and holding his chin contemplatively. Jeongin shakes his head, trying to refocus on his work.
As he turns his head back to his computer, Seungmin gasps. “Holy shit. Jeongin, I figured it out.”
Jeongin looks over at him curiously. Seungmin leaps from his seat, bringing his notes to Jeongin. “This is the problem, the action potentials diminish over time creating a temporary reanimation, but if you can set them to keep looping by reprogramming the magnifier…”
“Then they’ll never wane!” Jeongin finishes his thought.
A switch flips into place in his mind. Translating the change to the magnifier’s hardware should be feasible. “Seungmin, you’re brilliant! I could rewire the magnifier to rerun action potentials.”
His mind whirs with possibilities, heart galloping in his chest. He grabs the other man’s face, kissing him with a ferocity that only Seungmin could invoke in him. Their kiss is not gentle, teeth and tongue clashing together. Jeongin groans into his mouth; he feels feral as he claws at Seungmin. He grasps at any skin he can reach. His nails dig into the flesh of Seungmin’s waist.
He kisses down his jaw and neck. Jeongin covers every square inch he can reach in possessive marks. He wants to brand Seungmin with his name, but he resists the urge for now. He settles for a necklace of bruises. He bites down hard enough to pierce his delicate skin; the taste of copper floods his mouth. It sets off a chain reaction like a shark scenting blood in the water. He feels predatory as he bends Seungmin over the desk, pressing his chest to the counter and grabbing a fist full of his hair.
“I need you. Your perfect, pliant ass and your brilliant fucking mind. All of you, Seungmin. I need you to be mine .”
Seungmin whimpers pathetically. He doesn’t resist Jeongin manhandling him, laying limp against the desk except for the slight arch of his back from where Jeongin pulls his head back. “I’m yours.” He whispers reverently.
Jeongin practically growls, tearing Seungmin’s pants down. “You’re perfect for me. Fucked up in your pretty little head because you want me so badly.”
He pulls Seungmin’s cheeks apart and sighs to himself. “Your hole is greedy for me too. Sucks me in so nicely.”
Seungmin keens, the high pitched noise bouncing off the walls of the underground laboratory. Jeongin slicks two fingers with the packets of lube he stashed in his lab coat pockets for this explicit purpose. His fingers sink into Seungmin’s tight heat. He gropes at Seungmin’s walls looking for his prostate.
He wants to abuse Seungmin’s hole; fuck him with a vibrating dildo until he comes untouched and twitching. He wants to keep fucking him until he’s sobbing and begging for mercy. He wants to tie him up so he has to take everything Jeongin gives him.
Once located, he massages Seungmin’s prostate with steady fingers. His hole flutters around his fingers and Jeongin can’t resist the temptation to rail into him. He pushes a third finger inside him. “Fuck, Seungminnie, you like being fucked like a needy whore?”
The elder looks over his shoulder, tears collecting along his lash line. “Only for you, master.”
Jeongin wraps his hand around Seungmin’s neck and grips tightly, nails digging into the tender flesh of his throat. His nails brushing against the angry red impressions from his teeth. Jeongin’s cock aches as it presses, neglected, against the seam of his pants. He impatiently tugs his pants and underwear down to his mid-thigh in a single yank.
He releases the pressure around Seungmin’s neck, allowing him to gasp for air. Seungmin’s cock is shiny and red, clearly enjoying Jeongin’s rough treatment. “Master is going to make you come untouched. I’m sure that will be easy for a cockslut like you.”
“Master, please, n-need…”
Jeongin cuts him off with a sharp smack against his ass. His skin blooms pink with the slightest provocation. Jeongin hits him harder. Red marks in the shape of his hand appear as he continues to spank and squeeze his ass. Seungmin whines and his cock leaks onto the desk.
Jeongin groans, removing his fingers, replacing them with his cock, and pushing into him slowly. He feels consumed by the tight, wet heat of his body. He grips Seungmin’s hips to steady himself so that he does not carelessly and sloppily fuck into him. He tries to maintain his composure, tries to make it good for him. Gratitude and appreciation for the other man crashes over him in waves. They will change the world together, Jeongin is sure of it.
Seungmin moans and attempts to grind his ass back before Jeongin stops him, holding him firmly in place. He longs to see the look on Seungmin’s face so he steps back, lets himself slide out of the other man, and gently turns a disoriented Seungmin around to face him. He kisses Seungmin again, deeply and slowly as though they were proper lovers. He reaches his hands around Seungmin’s slender thighs and lifts him onto the desk. “I want to see your face.” Jeongin explains halfheartedly, feeling strangely self conscious about the admission.
Seungmin’s cheeks flush a delicious shade of crimson and he spreads his legs, drawing Jeongin between them. Jeongin pulls his thin t-shirt over his head and admires his exposed chest. He brings his lips to Seungmin’s nipple, kissing it before parting his lips to trace his tongue over the sensitive area. Seungmin trembles, his thighs closing around Jeongin’s torso.
He looks down to see Seungmin’s cock where it lays propped against his hip, still mostly erect. Jeongin slides the head of his cock over Seungmin’s slick hole. Seungmin lies back, holding himself up with his elbows, and shivers slightly as his back meets the laminate bench.
He looks stunning like this, mouth hanging open in a silent sigh, back arched, and eyes swimming with arousal. Jeongin begins to thrust into him; he tries to maintain a consistent rhythm and angles his thrusts in a way that makes Seungmin’s brow pinch.
“You’re gorgeous, Minnie.” Jeongin slurs, barely able to form words when it feels like Seungmin’s hole is milking him dry.
Jeongin groans. His thrusts grow irregular as he tries to hold off for Seungmin’s benefit. He traces his fingertips over Seungmin’s chest and stomach; the touch feels unusually tender, out of place.
Jeongin takes Seungmin’s jaw and he allows himself to be guided, eyes fluttering open. “My Minnie. You’re doing so well for me.”
Seungmin’s body clenches tightly like a vice around him. He’s slightly shaking and his eyes are glassy as he peers up at him. Seungmin paints his chest, a rapturous expression donning his beautiful face. The image of him is seared into his brain as the most erotic and stunning sight. Watching him unravel for Jeongin to take and take and take. It makes him feel high on the power he has over Seungmin; he delights in it.
His own orgasm slams into him with the same dizzying intensity. He feels overly sensitive, like every touch is so euphoric it edges on painful.
He comes inside Seungmin. Everything has aligned in his favor and he can’t help but feel like Seungmin contributed to his success. He bites his lip as he gazes at Seungmin beneath him.
“You’re perfect.” He whispers.
Seungmin’s cheeks flush. It’s fucked up that he blushes like a schoolboy over someone like Jeongin. It’s hot. Jeongin pulls him into a kiss.
Eventually, he does ease out of Seungmin and puts his sweatpants on.
“Let's sleep.” Jeongin says quietly. “So we can have a fresh start in the morning.”
Seungmin grins; it’s one of his most puppy-like smiles and Jeongin feels a spike of possessive affection.
“I think that’s a good idea, master .” Seungmin winks, sauntering up the stairs and into the house. Jeongin balks, staring stupidly after him. For a moment he feels too stunned to move. Eventually, he commands his limbs into movement. When he reaches his room he climbs into his bed alongside Seungmin.
Seungmin’s breaths are deep and even, he’s already asleep. Jeongin drapes an arm over his waist. His body readily relaxes, allowing him to sleep peacefully.
*
The days blur together as he and Seungmin run experiment after experiment to ensure their conclusions are provable and repeatable.
They work systematically, like a well oiled machine, clinically replicating rat reanimations. Sometimes he catches Seungmin staring at him, other times Seungmin catches him staring. The efficiency of Seungmin’s work makes Jeongin’s cock stiffen, but he can’t stop working every fifteen minutes to shove his hand down Seungmin’s pants despite his persistent desire.
They even reanimate Jisung’s favorite feline specimen with predictable success. As the days go on, the specimens maintain their reanimated state. Which means it may be time to move on to a human trial. He explains this to an overly eager Jisung. He looks elated by the news and Jeongin can’t find it in himself to be annoyed when he is equally excited for the experiment.
After the first round of experiments remain reanimated for a week, Jeongin thinks it may be time to begin preparing their human specimen.
Jeongin checks for structural damage to the body, recording any evidence that may prevent reanimation. He has been well preserved. Jeongin carefully prevented decay as much as possible in the months leading up to the human trial.
The lab seems suffused with nervous energy, as though the trio are staring over a precipice that could not be uncrossed. Their collective excitement feels as palpable as the electric hum of the magnifier.
Specimen 1298, formerly Lee Felix, was a college student that had been killed in a car accident.
His body has been preserved and cared for by Jeongin and Jisung as they researched. Specimen 1298 is currently 12 weeks postmortem. He reviewed his notes on the specimen.
Specimen 1298
Age: 21 premortem
Cause of death: car accident
Condition: well preserved, minimal structural damage including burns, lacerations, and fractured frontal and parietal bones
The task before them has been a long time in the making. He began working on his reanimation theories well before he met Jisung. He studies his assistant, examining his large, round eyes as he coos to the cadaver, the only remnant of his former friend. Seungmin also watches Jisung, concern coloring his expression. He chews on his bottom lip; it is a nervous habit he had even when he and Jeongin met in undergrad.
Jeongin takes a deep breath. Nothing has ever felt as momentous as the experiment before them. Everything will change regardless of the results. He will have to continue his trials, replicate the results or make changes to achieve his desired results. The state of specimen 1298 will determine the course going forward.
He is aware that he may need to find a new assistant after this experiment. Jisung’s behavior seems to have grown increasingly irrational in his grief, and Jeongin does not consider him a sustainable colleague. Specimen 1298’s reanimation will also determine the future of his working relationship with Jisung. Nevertheless, he has Seungmin now, and he’s not going to let him get away. He wants to spend his life working alongside Seungmin.
Jeongin shakes the distractions from his head and turns to face specimen 1298. The cold, metal table looks the same as it always has. The specimen is unremarkable. It was not significantly physically injured in the accident. It died on impact the moment its head collided with the windshield. Surprisingly, there were no significant fractures apart from its skull. Jisung paces along the length of the table, clenching and unclenching his fists. Seungmin hands him a syringe with his signature recipe of life. He sets the syringe with his other tools.
He begins the familiar process by attaching the electrical nodes to the specimen’s head. Clumps of its hair fall away the moment Jeongin attempts to brush it aside. Jisung has stopped pacing in favor of watching Jeongin. He meets Jisung’s eyes. “Are you ready?”
Perhaps the question comes from learned sentimentality, or maybe he’s simply spent too much time with Seungmin, who places a gentle hand on Jisung’s shoulder.
Jisung nods slowly. “It’s time.”
Jeongin injects specimen 1298 with the syringe of deceptively clear liquid. He looks to Seungmin who lifts a hand to the magnifier’s lever. They pull the switch together and the magnifier predictably comes to life. The machine buzzes louder than it had during any previous reanimation. The tingling static in his arm is now a jolting, searing pain through his nerves. The machine fights their hold and Jeongin can feel his grip slipping.
He screams over the deafening sound of the magnifier. “Jisung, help us hold it down!”
Jisung materializes next to him, holding onto the handle. His face pinches with the combined effort and excruciating pain of the electrical discharge. The hissing, humming sound hurts his ears with its intensity and the pain grows unbearable. The machine shakes and quivers, giving one final lurch before emitting a blinding, white light. Jeongin loses consciousness.
Opening his eyes hurts. The sensory input gives him an instant migraine. He looks over to find Jisung and Seungmin unconscious on the lab floor alongside him. His ears ring and his body protests any movement. He turns his head to look at the table. He can’t tell if there were any changes to the specimen from his position on the floor. He hauls his body upright, dragging himself to his computer. He faintly hears Jisung and Seungmin rustling behind him.
Finally, he catches a glimpse of his computer monitoring the specimen’s vitals. He is greeted by the consistent waves of its heart beating.
The experiment was a success.
——————————————————————————
Thus strangely our souls are constructed, and by slight ligaments are we bound to prosperity and ruin.
Jisung
Blood thunders within his veins. His head throbs and his body buzzes from the residual electricity sizzling through his viscera. His muscles protest as he attempts to stand. He must get to Felix, waking from the dead must be terrifying, and Jisung needs to be there to comfort him. Jeongin’s face contorts into a wicked smile. His mismatched eyes look sinister under the flickering lab lights. Jisung follows his gaze to the computer. Felix’s heart is beating.
Emotions battle for dominance; excitement, fear, hopefulness, and despair trip over one another to arrive at the forefront of his mind. Felix’s only movement is the subtle rise and fall of his chest. Jisung rushes to his side. “Felix? Lixie, are you there?” He tenderly holds one of his icy hands.
There is no response. Jiusng waits with bated breath. He looks to Jeongin, but the doctor is distracted. He embraces Dr. Kim, arms wrapped tightly around him, looking victorious.
The victory feels hollow for Jisung. He expected something, anything , from Felix. Instead, he just lies there. The only evidence of his reanimation is the computer monitoring his heart rate and breathing.
Jisung tries again. “Felix, it’s me, Jisung.”
There is no response. Tears come to his eyes as panic swells in his chest. “W-what’s happening? Dr. Yang, why isn’t he saying anything?”
Jeongin shrugs, “It is difficult to say. Maybe he needs time, or perhaps his brain damage has left him in a nearly vegetative state.”
A freight train of grief and reality that he desperately ran from finally reaches him. The impact is devastating. He collapses under the weight of his disappointment. Foolishly, he allowed himself to hope.
Sobs claw their way up his throat. He sits on the dingy laboratory floor and cries until he has no tears left. He’s too exhausted to continue weeping. He hears Dr. Yang and Dr. Kim discussing science, but he doesn’t process their words. They don’t try to move him from his place on the ground next to where Felix lies on the vivisection table.
Dr. Yang said there was a chance he could wake. He tells himself he simply needs to be patient. In the days following the experiment, Jisung watches the doctors go about their experiments. He sleeps on Dr. Yang’s cot. He spends his waking hours watching Felix sleep and talking to him. He hopes that his voice will cause something within Felix to stir. Felix is a hollow shell. There is seemingly nothing left of him. The realization is gut wrenching.
Three days pass in the same haze of repetitive actions. He goes through the motions that he knows he must complete in order to maintain his sanity: forcing himself to eat the food Dr. Kim prepares, talking to Felix, sleeping on Dr. Yang’s cot. He ignores calls from his only remaining friend, Changbin. He does not attend classes. He will not leave Felix’s side. He notices Dr. Yang looking at Dr. Kim with an emotion resembling admiration. A perverted jealousy gnaws at his heart. Dr. Kim has an opportunity with Dr. Yang that he does not have with Felix. He should be happy for him but instead he feels insatiable envy.
The morning of the fourth day, at approximately three am, he is awoken by shrill screams of terror. Jisung bolts upright looking around for the source of the wailing. Felix is also sitting upright. The screams are coming from him, Jisung trips over himself to reach his friend.
“Felix, it’s ok! I’m here!” He says, reaching a hand out to soothe him.
Felix trembles beneath his palm. His eyes look haunted; his irises are milky in color now. He meets Jisung’s eyes.
“I have been trying to communicate with you.” Felix says. “But I-I couldn’t return to my body.”
“It’s ok. You’re here now.” Jisung placates.
“Jisung, listen, I can’t stay here, in this body. It takes a lot of energy to possess a body.”
His mind struggles to comprehend his words. Adrenaline chases away any residual exhaustion. If that’s true, then Felix would never truly return.
“I remember dying and then it’s just nothing. One long, never ending nothing.” Felix’s voice is soft and scratchy. He sobs, his frail body curling in on itself. “Death is cold. I’m so cold, Sung. I’m so scared.”
“It’s going to be ok, Lix, I have you now.”
“I c-can’t stay.” Felix shivers, almost convulsing with the force of it, and his teeth chatter. “My spirit can’t just return to my body. It’s like we’re s-separate entities now.”
Jisung tries to absorb this information but it catches in his chest, scratching his heart with sharp edges. His brain reminds him. Felix can’t stay.
“I’m scared. I don’t want to go back to the cold, empty nothingness.” He loops his arms around Jisung’s neck and nuzzles into the crook between his neck and shoulder.
“You won’t have to, Lix. I promise I’ll find a way to help you stay.”
He shakes his head. “No, Sung, let me go. You have to go on with your life.”
Tears stream down his cheeks and cling to his chin. He petulantly refuses. “I can’t give up on this. On you .”
Felix’s eyes harden. “We didn’t both die that night. You have to keep living.”
“I will! I will keep living with you.” He says emphatically, as though he can convince Felix to stay inside his rotten body.
Felix shudders. “I can’t stay much longer.”
“What if I could reattach your soul?” Jisung asks frantically, desperately gripping Felix’s shoulders.
Felix offers him a watery smile. “I love you, Sung. I always have, but you have to move on.” His eyes pinch with fear briefly before they abruptly return to the familiar, dead eyed and hollow expression.
Jisung’s knees give out and he collapses onto the floor like a deflated balloon.
*
Denial and determination are two of Jisung’s greatest talents. After his conversation with Felix, he throws himself into researching the human soul. He reads religious and philosophical texts. He watches hours of people recounting ghost stories. He remains laser focused on uncovering the truth about the connection between a human soul and the body it inhabits.
Plato, Descartes, and Kant fill the spaces of his day. Though Jisung’s position on an omnipotent god remains skeptical, Cartesian dualism seems promising. He reasons that it is possible to separate the essence of one’s self, a soul, from the cognitive, biological processes of the human brain. The conundrum of consciousness has never been resolutely solved. Dr. Yang and Felix have given Jisung insight that philosophers of the past could not have anticipated. Jeongin has not only reanimated a corpse, he has proven the existence of a human soul.
Jisung’s Youtube recommendations are full of philosophy professors and ghost hunters. This is how he stumbles across Dr. Lee Minho, a psychologist and philosopher who spent his life studying human consciousness. He watches all of Dr. Lee’s lectures. His studies on dualism match Jisung’s observations in Felix’s reanimation. Dr. Lee is easy to listen to, his voice is steady and he holds himself with an air of refined expertise. After countless hours of watching Dr. Lee speak, he memorizes the cadence of his voice and the sharp lines of his handsome face. Jisung’s hyperfixation steals his attention away from everything else. He forgets to sleep and eat, rewatching the same videos from Dr. Lee and letting his thoughts ricochet between the walls of his skull. He holds Felix’s cold hands as he studies.
He refuses to let go. He’s so close to figuring out how to fully bring Felix back. His notes are scribbled and nonsensical, but he knows he can make sense of it. He needs to find the missing piece, the attachment between the body and soul, in order to mend it.
Pacing, sobbing, scheming. Time bleeds together, night and day melt into one uninterrupted obsession. Dr. Kim urges him to shower. Dr. Yang looks at him with disdain, like he’s the equivalent of gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe.
They keep Felix out of the way of their new specimens. They largely ignore Jisung’s presence, wholly preoccupied with one another. Jisung tries to tell Dr. Yang about the night Felix possessed his body, but he disregards the entire incident. He claims that Jisung dreamt of his interaction with Felix, that it wasn’t real . Jisung knows it happened though. Dr. Yang soundproofed the lab; he wouldn’t have been able to hear Felix while he was sleeping upstairs with Seungmin.
If Dr. Yang won’t help him, he’ll find someone who will. An outlandish idea causes hope to break through the crack in the wall of his grief. Jisung packs his essentials and buys a bus ticket. He rides a few states north and plans a trip to Smythe University to see Dr. Lee Minho’s lecture. He needs answers. Dr. Lee could help him get Felix back permanently; he can find the missing attachment. Now, the challenge is convincing Dr. Lee Minho to work with him in his endeavor to reattach Felix’s soul.