Chapter Text
Chapter One
*District 1* IM IN
*Oh no...* Kery thought as he waited. It was waffle house day. ok so like the government sends guys to collect votes from each guy in the district and whoever gets the most votes gets sent off to the uhh to the waffle house. The Waffle House is like this thing where uuummm one guy has to kill someone and like there's a trial.. like uhh danganronpa. or among us. Kery clung to his MAN (Cade) *siiiiiigghh* his MAN always knew how to calm him down. Cade stood stiffly and stared at Kery. he looked like >: i think. yeah. Anyway, Billy the puppet read the votes
"They voted Kery and Cade. Ok. I need to get out." the puppet said. As it said this, the fear sunk into Kery. *N-No, this couldn't be... him and.. his MAN???!* Suddenly, Kery and Cade were being carried away by like 500 billion little ants and thrown into the Goodboy van (Billy controls the ants.)
*District 2*
The morning of Waffle House Day, Lena awoke with a sense of dread. She knew she had been voted to participate in the Waffle House, and she was terrified. The government guys would soon arrive to collect her, and she didn't know if she would make it out of Waffle House alive.
As the time neared for the government guys to arrive, Lena said goodbye to her loved ones and prepared herself for the gruesome journey ahead. With determination and 500 billion ants, she entered the good boy van for Waffle House, ready to face the murderous mystery that lay within.
*In the waffle house…*
“Hey, guys. Introduce yourself. I'm Billy. Go do that.” the tricycle man said. “Starting with you guys. What is your ultimate.” Billy raised his finger, pointing to Kery and Cade (the gays). Kery and Cade stare at him. They don't have mouths. They can't talk. Is he stupid?
“Ok. ultimate ???? and ultimate ???? #2. Real original. You guys suck.” Billy rolled his red little beady eyes and turned turned to the next batch of people. “You guys. What are you?”
Lena and Red Servant exchanged a glance, knowing that it was up to them to explain their talents. Lena took a deep breath and began to speak. "I am Lena... the Ultimate Detective." She said confidently, holding her head high. Red Servant tilted his head. "YES! I am Red Servant, the Ultimate Servant! I love to serve!" he said cheerfully, not quite sure why that was special.
“I don’t like you, Red Servant,” Billy said, driving his wee little tricycle to the 2 District 3 boys.
“You. You guys. What are you.” He stared at the 2 twenty-year-olds.
Till and Ivan exchanged glances. “U-Um.. I’m... heh, I’m Till Beezing... And I’m the ultimate rebel... My twin brother, Will Beezing isn’t as rebellious as I am” Till gave a devious little smirk, did a pose, put his hand on his hip, and grinned.
“Im black mold,” Ivan said, staring into Billy’s little puppet face, holding his microphone (that is plugged into nothing).
“Ok.. so ultimate rebel and.. Ultimate black mold.” Billy said. He does NOT like these guys. They’re all stupid and annoying. He did a little scoot over to the next group, District 4's representatives.
“What are you guys.”
Claire and Sirius stood side-by-side. A smile lit up Claire's face as she spoke first. "Hello there!" She says excitedly, her eyes sparkling with joy. "I'm Claire Elford. I'm the Ultimate SCP!" Sirius, however, didn't share Claire's enthusiasm. He just glared at Billy and crossed his arms in frustration. "Well, if you must know, I'm the Ultimate Vincelord... What do you want?" He had no patience for frivolous introductions and simply wanted to know why he was being addressed.
“I just wanted to get your introduction stop being such a dick.” Billy said, really angry at the ultimate Vincelord. Like >:-(. He rolled over to the next group, he did not like this year's contestants.
“District… five.. oh no “ Billy stared at the 2 District five contestants in horror. No… NO! They’re so disgusting.
“Okay. Freak one. Freak two. Say whatever you’re good at or whatever, god.” Billy rolled his eyes, not wanting to engage with these two for very long.
The short imp spoke up and stood tall “Ha, I’m Blitzo, the O is silent, bitch. I’m the fuckin’ ultimate fuckin’ assassin, I’ll fuckin’ murder your fuckin’ shit grandmaaa” He said, standing tall, with his tail slithering against the cool floor.
“Hehehee” The owl giggled and pat Blitzo’s head. “I’m Stolas, the ultimate Uranophile, bitch~ I love my fucking darling Blitzy and I also love being a fucking owl, bitchhhhh, and I hate my fucking wife but I fucking love my fucking daughter Via, bitchhhhh!”
“Ok.” Billy speed-pedaled out of there, he could not bear to be with freaks 1 and 2 for any longer. He looked for District 6, then he looked at the floor. “OK, so we have a water bottle and a backpack. What.”
Liam, the Ultimate Gamer, stepped forward. "Hello, my name is Liam. It's nice to meet you. I’m the ultimate gamer." Liam said as he offered a polite wave. Bryce, the soda bottle, looked at Billy with a tired expression. "Whatever. My name is Bryce. I guess I'm the ultimate highlighter" he said with a sigh. "I don't know why I'm supposed to be so special. This is stupid."
“Ohh, I think I’ve heard about you. You were in the news, yeah?” Billy speed-charged over Liam, running him over with his little tricycle. “You were, too! It’s like we have celebrities here.”
They uncomfortably stared at him and shifted, “Yeah..” Liam sighed and looked away.
“Well, I can’t give you ALL my attention..” He made his way to the two MEN of District 7.hiiiiiiiiii :3 :3 👍
Protagonist stood up, brushing the dust off his clothes. "Hey there! I'm Protagonist, the Ultimate Employee," he said with a cheerful smile, ready to meet new people and have fun adventures. Forcas looked up and gave a weary sigh. "My name is Forcas, the Ultimate Forkboy," he said flatly, not quite sure why that was important. "I'm here to yap and punish the wicked," he explained, his tone stoic and serious.
“You’re here to. Punish the wicked. Ok….” Billy said. he does NOT like Forcas Forkboy. He rolled away and went to see the next people. I don’t like this. I don't like you. I fucking hate ]reamjdad who is reamj dad
I hate dream minecraft
I hate dream minecraft
I hate dream minecraft
I hate dream minecraft
I hate dream minecraft
I hate reamj dad
I hate reamj dad
I hate reamj dad
I hate reamj dad
I hate reamj dad
I hate reamj dadstop it
I hate stopit
I hate stopit
can we just like leave that in the ficYES WE CAN
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH AOK
“Ok. District 8. What about you? This is so BAD LUCK - laurelikes him "I call thatepicredlaska dogs". “*ENOUGH*” The voice in Billy’s head shouted. They were getting louder every day.
Mahiru stood up, bouncing happily on her feet. "Hey there! I'm Mahiru, the Ultimate Green Circle," she said with a friendly grin, eager to meet new people and have fun adventures. Muu, on the other hand, looked up from her spot on the floor and glared. "I'm the Ultimate Prisoner," she said bluntly, not quite sure what all the fuss was about. "I'm here to be a waffle my house." The two prisoners had very different personalities, but they were both ready to face the challenges of WAFFLE HOUSE and do their best to survive.
“Ok…” Billy rolled away with his 500 billion mind-controlled ants over to District 9. Eugh… they’re weird. He doesn’t wanna be talking to them… “Ok. Talk. Say your piece.”
Brook, the Ultimate Reaper, stepped forward with a solemn expression. "My name is Brook, the Ultimate Reaper," he said with a calm and collected voice, ready to deal with whatever challenges the Waffle House may throw at him. Zero, on the other hand, had a very different approach. "Hey fam!" he exclaimed, "I'm the Ultimate Dry Cat or whatever." he meowed. "Meow. I am not amused by this whole affair at all," he said calmly, with a hint of irritation in his tone.
“Ok. Ultimate wet cat. Got it.” Billy rolled away from him, despising Zero's stupid face it’s so ugly actually I hate his stupid tongue piercingi hate him I hate Zero so much he’s such a stupid sopping wet cat you find in a cardboard box homeless in the streets.
Anyways Billy rolled over to the 2 carrots. “Hey. what do you want??????? Genuinely. What the hell do you want? If you don’t answer I’ll take your fingers.”Billy threatens. the devious little guy is not taking any more disrespect from these hooligans.
“Literally chill out what the h*ck???” The colorful guy said. “I’m.. erm.. I’m Carl 1.. I’m the ultimate shooter guy I think. I like to shoot people!! That’s what I do!!!!” Carl one said, grinning.
“Hi im carl also I am made of paper im the ultimate inkster im carl also i have short hair and im made of paper im the ultimate inkster Hi im also carl i am make of paper im the ultimate inkster im carl.”
“Ok.” Jigsaw said. “Idgaf”
“I like to play and draw”
Billy rolled away like a devious little guy (again), into district 10. Oh my god we’re almost done im so ffasdfashell bose gave bisexual
Billy walked over to the uhh literal children that are here. “Ok introduce yourselves.”
“Mfmfmfmfmfmm boobs bmfmmfmfmfm titties mfmmfmfmfmmf porn mfmfmfm” the orange hooded one said. “mhgmmdfmdfmmdmdmdmm kenny kenny kenny ultimate princess fmfmfnfgfmmd mim mckinney”
“Hehe yew know who i am >:-), eric cartman. Im ultamate everything :-)”
“I told you this last time, Eric, you you cant be ultimate everything” billy said “pick something else”
“October 21st 2024, 10:23 PM.” Cartman said with a :-)
“Um… ok” Billy rolled away to district 12. Im getting so sick of this. Over in district 12 sat 2 guys, playing with their fidget toys and coloring with their crayons.
“Hey. introduce yourself. Gaybos.” Billys eyes went dark… he controlled his ants and made them walk him over to the 2 guys.
“Mememememe introduce yourself 🙄” the skinny dark haired one mocked and continued coloring with his crayons (he has a 64 pack WITH THE SHARPENER the other guy bought it for him hes too poor to buy his own crayons)
“Do it now.” Billy threatened angrily. “Heh, you don’t wanna make me mad, kid.”
“Ahhh!!! Ok!!! Im adam radford-faulkner-stanheight but you can call me Adam :3 im the ultimate boy!!!!! Im from the movie Saw (2004)!!!!!!!” he said in fear, throwing his crayons across the room and looking at billy with a :-(.
Billy smirked and nodded. “Ok… now you. Gay #2. The tall one. The blonde one. Speak. Now. Do it.”
The other one looked up from his drawing, glaring at Billy. “Do you… need something?” He had the >:-| face and was REALLY upset. He did NOT want to deal with Billy today.
“You’re literally in the waffle house right now, dude. Stop coloring with your boyfriend.” Billy flipped his hair, sick of all of these people. He didn’t like any of them. He couldn’t wait for them to die.
“Ok. My name is Lawrence Gordon, I’m a doctor. I’m the Ultimate Mediocre Doctor, actually.. Heh.” He smirked. He was proud of that title.
“Ok. Finally. We’re done. I hate all of you guys. Let me show you to the Billy Room. It’s where you guys will be sleeping.” Billy cycled over to the prison cell block.
Chapter 2: van was unresponsive
Summary:
“Heh, don’t worry your little head, Sirius. I’ll be a good little dry kitty, I promise!” He nuzzled the air with a :3 face and followed soon after.
Chapter Text
Chapter Two
“Erm.. What the fuck?!? I fucking hate prison! What the fuck! I’m not fucking sleeping here! This is fucking shitty!” Blitzo exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air.
“can you stop talking.” Ivan said. “you’re really annoying.” He looked down at the short imp.
“D-Don’t fucking talk about my blitzy that way, bitch! You’ll pay, Ggaaahahh!!?!?!? I’ll use my fucking bitch-boss owl powers and kill you!!!” Stolas jumped in front of the imp, grabbing Ivan by the shirt collar and shoving him against the wall. He glared into Ivans eyes.. But.. what!??! His powers.. They don’t work!
Billy grinned. “You can’t use your homosexual owl powers in here, it’s coated in anti-power spray!” He continued to lead them down the cell block.
“FUCK NO!!!!! MY FUCKING ONLY WEAKNESS!!! NOT BEING ABLE TO FUCKING PROTECT MY FUCKING WHORE IMP HUSBAND!!!!! I hate my wife.” He dropped Ivan and fell to the ground, sobbing. Blitzo ran over to comfort him.
“Hey.. not that I fucking care about you and your stupid fucking feelings.. But.. are you fucking okay…? Bitch?” He wiped the tears from Stolas’s face. He couldn’t bare to see him so hurt.
“Oh my god. Let’s keep going. I’m going to assign you guys with your own little roommates isn’t that fun? :-)” Billy said, leading them further down the cement-walled cell block.
“You’re.. Kidding, right? Meow! Those rooms hardly house one person, let alone two?! Meow Meow. Mrooooowrrrrrr >3<.” Zero said, tucking some stray hair behind his ear in a bashful fashion.
“shut up wet cat.” Spat Billy. He hated that stupid wet cat.
“I-I’m a dry little kitty!” Whined Zero, he couldn’t stand being called Wet. That’s literally the opposite of his entire brand!!! He’s the dry cat!!!! He dragged himself along as they finally made it to the end of the cell block.
“Oookay, how about I just like.. Randomly pick some guys to put in a room together? That sound good?” Billy cheerfully spoke, he was so excited to make them kill eachother! He hated everyone in this building!!
“What if we were with our district partners? That’d work out fine!” Mahiru suggested and smiled, giving a glance to Muu.
“No.”
“Oh.. O..kay.” She said, her smile dropping to a frown quickly.
“Ookay, in our first cell together isss….. Bunny boy… Brook, was it? Yeah, you and.. Claire. You and Claire. Go into the prison cell, would you?” He leaned over to look at them.
Brook just stared and gave a thumbs up. He’s walking to prison now. Brook prison. He’s in prison with Claire. Prison Claire. Brook prison and Prison claire. That’s whats happening.
Claire walked over to Brook as he went into the cell. “Ah, Brook? I’m Claire!” She smiled and extended her hand out to the colorful guy.
He awkwardly stared at her and shook her forearm?????? He's trying his best.
“Ookay, now onto our next prisoner group!” Billy exclaimed. “Let’s haaave… Carl 2… the paper one. Let’s have him and Mahiru together.
“Ok. I’m the inkster. Mahiru, lets talk about paper. And how its made. Did you know my mom is a tree?” Carl 2 said, sliding over to Mahiru with a :-) face.
“Ookahy……. Yeah lets talk about your.. Tree mom….!!!!” She said, trying her best to be nice, she does NOT want to talk about his Tree mom. They walked into the prison cell, she’s not expecting to get any sleep that night.
“Okay! Cell 3, let’s see! Hmmmmmm how abouuuuuuuttt…. You. I think your name was Card.. Cand… Cade???? yeaaahh, Caduceus.” Billy pointed to the angel twink. “Yeah, you and the… Kenny kid. You’ll get along great, you both are inaudible.” Billy shoo’d the two over into the prison cell uncomfortably.
“MFMFMFMMFHGFMFMFHFMFM
:-)” Cartman rubbed his hands together like a fly. “Red servant guy, I’m Cartman. I’m the ultimate everything. I’m great at everything.” He smiled and pat Red servant guys back.
Red Servant Guys eyes widened. “Y-You’re.. What?! I can’t believe I’m in the presence of someone as powerful as you, haha!” Red Servant Guy smiled and walked into the cell with Cartman.
“Ok. next is… whatever, lawrence, you and Till. Whatever. It doesn’t fucking matter anymore.” Billy broke down and sobbed.
“Hey. im lawrence gordon, i’m a doctor.” Lawrence said and walked over to the prison cell (He’s a doctor).
“Lawrence, I’m Till Beezing. I’m the ultimate rebel, but my twin brother can’t compare to that. He’s Will Beezing. He’s dating Will Woods.” Till chimed in, walking energetically into the cell and throwing himself to the mattress on the ground.
“Whos will woods?” Lawrence asks, sitting on the ground next to Till.
“???????? do you not go outside what is wrong with you!!!?!?!?!??!” Till yelled, he was so taken aback that LAWRENCE GORDON didn’t know who WILL WOODS WAS?!?!?!??!?!
“Im so sorry till…” Lawrence frowned. He hated being yelled at. He got enough of that from his wife (his marriage is in shambles.)
“Its ok just dont let that happen again.” Till patted Lawrences back, he was glad Lawrence didn’t want to argue with him.
Billy cleared his throat and spoke out. “Hey. ivan. Ivan alien stage. You and Lena. Go.”
“Heyyy! Ivann?” She hopped up and looked around for the little emo boy. “Oh, there you are.” She pulled him off the ground. “What are you… doing?”
Ivan was muttering something like “so black.. Black as it can be…” along with some other incoherent things.
“O..okay… I’m Lena.. your uhh.. Roommate…………………..” She stared at the guy and just kind of.. Pulled him into the cell. van was unresponsive. 💀
“Hey. time for. Next one. Freak one. You’re roommates with uhhh… fuck it, you’ll be roommates with the soda bottle.” Billy sighed. “What does it even matter anymore. Life sucks. I hate everything.”
“Oh fuck me in my fucking asshole. I fucking hate soda bottles!!! Out of everyone, I’m stuck with a fucking sentient shit bottle?!?!??! What the fuck!!! Ugh, atleast I’m not with my fucking toxic relationship. I fucking hate that guy. He has a daughter. Fuck, whatever.” He fucking walked over to Bryce and fucking looked down at the fucking soda bottle. “Fuck. Bottle. I’m fucking Blitzo. The O’s fucking silent, shitbag. Okay, fucker?”
“Hey- hey wait, if I can’t be with Liam.. can’t I be roommates with that blue girl or something? She seems nice, yeah? Or literally.. Anyone else. Please?” Bryce pleaded, obviously not wanting to be with Freak 1 for too long.
“No can do, silly. I can’t be letting you pick roommates. Me being semi-decent for once? You’re a riot.”
“Fucking soda bottles nowadays. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I said Fuck!” Blitzo said with rage and stomped into the cell after him. “I’m not gonna fucking enjoy fucking being in here with you, okay asshole??”
“Go away.” Bryce sobbed and buried his face in his mattress. He couldn’t stand Blitzo. Honestly, nobody could stand him.
Billy sighed and looked around. “Okay… whos left.. Uhhh.. yeah, okay, whatever. Wet cat, you and Sirius Gibson.
“Mrowwrrrerrrwr?? Grrr… billy poo, I’m a dry kitty!!!!!!!” Zero said, the catboys non existent tail jumped up. “H-heh, w-wait.. you mean.. I’m stuck with grumpy pants here? 3:<” he pouts.
“What.” Sirius stared at Zero as he stomped into the cell. “You couldn’t have picked.. literally anyone else? Seriously??” He groaned and dropped his head, letting out a deep exhale and throwing himself into the cell. He’s NOT happy with the WET CAT.
“Heh, don’t worry your little head, Sirius. I’ll be a good little dry kitty, I promise!” He nuzzled the air with a :3 face and followed soon after.
“Any more of this and im gonna become.. Devious gibson.. 😈” Sirius mutters to himself in the corner of the room.
Billy shook his head. “Okay. Protagonist. That’s.. A terrible name. You and.. Kerykeion. Yeah. Whatever. You guys, go.”
“H-Hey..” Protagonist nervously waddled his way over to Kery. “I-I’m uh.. Protagonist… you’re.. Kerykeion? Heh, that’s a nice name.. Kery…” He did the little 👉👈.
Kery stared at him.
“O-Oh.. not gonna respond..? I guess I deserve this.. Heh… I’m not worth a r..response anyways..” Protagonist shook his head.
Kery can’t talk. Is he stupid?
They both just go into the room with Protagonist whining about Kery not responding to his stupid remarks like the little bitch he is.
Billy yawned. “Okay forcas whatever. Forcas. You and Carl 1. Go.”
Carl 1 nervously stared at Forcas.
“CARL!??!?!??!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!” then he tunnelled through the ground and burrowed inside his mattress or something i guess.
“Cark.” carl grimes from the hit show the walking dead said
C A R K CARK
“Ok freakj 2 and muu you go in the cell idgaf just go”
Freak 2 and muu were dragged away into the old moldy dirty crusty disgusting unsanitized prison cell. “Goobye”
Notes:
its thirsty thirsty thursday
Chapter 3: welcome to waffle wouse
Summary:
i dont want to do this anymore
Chapter Text
Chapter Three
As the sun set and the sky turned pink, most of the contestants attempted to get some sleep, it was hard to sleep though, with the prospect of being murdered on their mind. Zero exhaustedly rested his head against the thick concrete wall.
“Oh, Sirius… how am I supposed to be a dry omega kitty in these conditions..?” He wistfully looked to the ground, rubbing his eyes with his fingers.
“W-Will you be there with me.. Even when I’m not at my driest..?” He looked up at Sirius, his eyes glazed over. It was difficult being so vulnerable, everyone knew him as the dry cat, but it was so hard living up to those dry standards!
Sirius was tuning Zero out, he did not know-- or care about whatever the hell this freak was babbling about.
Zero tilted his head over to get a good look at Sirius. He didn’t wanna admit it but.. Heh… this guy was kinda cute… his face reddened and he shook his head, putting his hands on his ears.
“N-No… I can’t be.. Falling for this guy! B-But… he is totally Alpha…. Nyah…” He caught himself staring at Sirius for a little too long and shifted his glance back to the cold floor.
“Get your head in the game, bozo!” He bit his lip and fell onto his mattress. It wasn’t comfortable in the slightest and he probably bruised his shoulder in the process.
“Im gonna be your malewife kitten one day.. Just you wait, Sirry….” He purred and kicked his feet in the air, burying his face in the decrepit mattress.
“Hey im the hot guy from uhhh Saw.” peter strahm said ??????? no hes not here i lied i got distracted
The next morning, Zero got up. He hadn’t slept a (t)wink, he was too busy thinking of his little Gibby…. He looked around the room. Haha, there he was.. His little perfect lavender-haired husbando~. He walked over and squatted over to Sirius and looked at him. He was so peaceful, so quiet.
“W-Wakey wakey, alpha~ Mrowwwrr…. Meoworrrrowrrr.. Owo~ OwO~ UwU OwO >w< >,< X3” He pressed his finger against Sirius’s nose.
Sirius jolted awake. “What the fuck is wrong with you. You absolute ogre, I hope you die a painful and agonizing death.” Sirius said, he was not playing games with this little kitty.
Zero stood up, “𝕱𝖔𝖗𝖌𝖎𝖛𝖊 𝖒𝖊, 𝕬𝖑𝖕𝖍𝖆” he frowned, turning to face the door to the cell. He may have not have slept at all that night, but the thought of Sirius cuddling with his little kitten gave him energy.
Claire, who was in the cell neighboring to Zero, stepped out, her high heels clicking against the pavement. “Oh man, I slept like a bald dancer!” She exclaimed, stretching her arms out.
Brook followed soon after, Claire towering over the short man. (She’d 6’4, and he’s 4’1).
Brook looked up at him, “Why is buddy screaming?” he asked, with genuine concern showing in his eyes.
Till crept up behind Claire. “let me in please (my brother is will beezing)” he sobbed quietly.
]]
Claire turned around, astonished by this request. “....?” She said, with pain striking her voice and her eyes, glistening.
“Why is buddy astonished by this request?” Till said, with a tinge of confusion in his tone.
“I NEED TO GET OUT!.” Till said in a panicked tone, running off. Before he left, he made sure to remind them that his brother, was in fact, Will Beezing.
Claire shook her head. “Wat,” She sighed, “Flanderzerization,” she continued. How was she gonna survive? 🤦
Meanwhile, Red servant was sitting at the door to his cell. Red servant was sitting at the door to his cell. “I’m waiting for who???” He questioned nobody in particular.
“Who indeed…” He heard a voice respond, he couldn’t actually see the person, as their figure was obscured from view, but he knew that they meant no good.
The servant perks up and readies himself to see whoever was coming.
A voice calls out, echoing down the hallway “RED SERRRRRVRAAAAAANT!”
The servant flinches at the sudden shout, before his eyes widen as the words register and he turns to face the direction of the voice.
The footsteps are getting louder as the person gets closer. “REDDDD SEEEEEEEERVAAAAANT! I CALL UPON THEEEEE, REEEEEEDDDDD SEEEEEEERVAAAAANT!!!!”
The servant’s eye twitches as he hears the voice getting closer and yells out “DO NOT APPROACH! I WARN YOU, IT WILL BE YOUR LAST MISTAKE!”
The person stops for a moment, then laughs. “Oh, but I will approach, RED SERRRRVAAAAAANT. And there is nothing you can do to stop me!”
The servant rolls his eyes, before glaring at the voice “I warned you.” Without another word, a crimson red fireball shoots out of his left hand, heading towards the voice. As he approached, he managed to get a glimpse of the figure. Lawrence Gordon.
The voice laughs again, his voice echoing down the hall. “Oh, did your little fireball do anything at all? No, it did n-…” The person stops mid sentence as the fireball hits him directly, knocking him to the ground. He screams.
The servant looks over at the person, grinning menacingly as he approaches the downed figure “Now that I’ve got your attention, it’s time to pay the price of your mistake.”
The servant raises his foot, about to stomp on the person. He then pauses for a moment, thinking about how he doesn’t need to stoop to their level,
“What I should actually do is ignore your trivial existence. It’s not like you matter anyway.”*The servant leaves, but not before giving the downed figure a swift kick in the ribs.
In the distance, the servant can hear the voice yelling. “COME BACK HERE, YOU RED SERRRRRRVAAAAAAAANT!! I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS!! I’LL GET YOU!!!”
The servant turns around at the sound of the voice, but merely chuckles as he leaves, knowing full well the threat will never be carried out.
As the Red Servant walked into the common area, he saw an interaction between the freaks, and his good pal Cartman.
“OHHHH YOU FUCKING FUCKNUT FUCKER FAT FUCK FAT FUCKING CHILD FUCKING LOSER FUCKING CUUUNTTT FUCKING LOSER LOSER LOSER CHIIIILDDDD FUCKINGG BEANIE WEARING FUCKINGG ASSHOLE FUCKING JERK. FUCKING MEANIE. FUCKING BULLY. FUCKING. WASTE OF SPACE. FUCKING USELESS. FUCKING EMO FUCKING UGLY UGLY FUCKING CHILD 6 YEAR OLD LOSER LOSER LOSER FUCKING EMOOOOOOOO LOSERR EMOOOO FUCKING UGLYYYY LOSER EMOOOOO I FUCKINGGG DONT LIKE YOUUUU, CARTMANNNNN, YOU FUCKING FUCKER FUCK FUCK FUCKK!!! FUCKING I HATE!!! YOU!!! LOSER!!! FUCKING STUPID FUCKING!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK! FUCK FUCK!” Freak 1 exclaimed, he was very short, which is why freak 2 was so protective of his sub hubby bubby wubby little imp boyfriend malewife fuck buddy.
“This is why.” cartman put a 😈 face on.
“Hey!” Freak 2 got REALLY MAD REALY REALY MAD.
“Don’t talk to my freak imp fuckboy impy blitzy my little impy impy booboobear don’t talk to him like that!! Or you will feel my wrath!! You fuck fuck fartman!!!! Cartman the fartman! Also im british and i hate my wife!!! I am fucking owl and im the top in this relationship. And I fucking have a daughter. Deal with it, biiiitch! Blitzy is m,y bitch!!! Also i have a daughter and she doesnt like that i hate my wife. I hate my wife because i am gayyyyy i really dont like my wife!! She makes me :-( and she make me sadddd and she make tears go down my eyes.” Freak 2 started crying. “I fucking hate my wife but i dont fucking hate my daughter!! I hate FUCKING!!!!! Myself!!”
The red servant intervened. Cartman looked over and pointed dramatically. “YOUU!!!!!!” he exclaimed. “RED SERVANT BOY!!!!! YOU!!!! COME SAVE ME!!!!”
The red servant trembled. So much pressure, but he had to save his BEST FRIEND eric cartman!! Or else they wouldnt be BEST FRIENDS anymore!!!!! He had to do it, so he leapt into the air and sprung into action.
“Servantboy to the rescue!” He exclaimed, generating fire from his hand and forming it into a bunch of tiny fireballs, laughing them at the freaks. Of course, the freajks weren’t affected by any normal fire, so this is where he had to improvise. Suddenly, he grabbed FORCAS FORKBOY by the neck and made him bless his fireballs.
“You’re- You want ME- to bless YOUR- fireballs?” Forcas stared in fascination, he had never had anyone want HIM to bless anyones fireballs before, “I guess it’s time to bless these fireballs then.” Forcas shrugged.
There, he had FORKBOY FIREBALLS. They were laced with FORCAS POWDER which you get by shaking wild FORKBOYS at 1000kph.
Forcas choked and tumbled to the ground as Red Servant let him out of his grasp, his eyes glistened from the light generating off of the GREEN FORCAS FIRES!!!! Which reminded freak 1 of his traumatic backstory, causing him to start crying.blitzys
Freak 2 took the jump and started questioning the little ugly red rodent.
“O-Oh, my bitch, he’s crying! My little blitzy bitchboy, my subby wubby impy dimpy boopy poopy schmoopy little bitchboy, my little imp!”
“I hate for boy fireball.” Sighed Adam. He couldn’t stand all this drama around the boy fireballs, and quite frankly, he wanted nothing to do with it. “Forkboy, fireball is so ugly, i feel like she’s an ugly adam person. You Saw (2004). I eed to outlast.”
Claire sighed, watching this all unfold. As she looked around the room, she found her gaze drifting to that soda bottle again. Bryce. She had never spoken to him directly, but Bryce had mentioned wanting to be her roommate, and said she looked nice, so she grew rather fond of the little guy. She stood from her seat and walked over to him.
“Hey.. Bryce, was it?” She smiled, lowering herself to his level.
“Hm? Oh, hey, uh… you.” He gave a weak smile back to her, “What.. brings you here?” He awkwardly shifted.
“It’s Claire. I’m bored and honestly everyone else seemed a little.. Chaotic. I would talk to Sirius but I think he’s a little..” she stared at the purple-haired boy who was currently being clung to by a black-haired twink. “Preoccupied.”
“Oh, Claire. Yeah.” He uncomfortably stood there, “Um.. yeah! The people here kinda suck. I think.” He said in a poor attempt to make conversation.
“Yeah. You seem cool, though. I mean, you didn’t.. Make fireballs..? Or be a freak.. Honestly, I have pretty low standards at this point.” Claire shrugged
“I do?” He held back a grin, clearly flattered by the comment. “I uhm.. Thanks!”
“Yeah! Like..” Claire was quickly cut off by an unpleasant voice.
Billy. That short fuck. Billy made his way into the area. He wheeled himself to the center of the room and called the attention of everyone in said room.
“I am calling the attention of everyone in said room.” Billy said, calling the attention of everyone in said room.
Everyone shifted their gazes to Billy.
“Good morning to all Waffle Wouse contestants! It’s me! Billy! Again!” WaffleHouse Billy said, smirking, “I’m assuming you’re all just starving, so the viewers have voted to bring you different-- specific meals.” He cheerfully announced.
“Um.. We have.. Viewers?” Mahiru raised an eyebrow, “So like… people are watching us right now? Last years Waffle House wasn’t broadcasted, that’s creepy as fuck.” She protested.
“No, no, only two people are watching.” he insisted.
“Uh… I can’t.. Eat. I’m made of paper, remember?” Carl 2 reminded the puppet.
“Nobody GAF, suck it up.” Billy smiled, “Any more questions?” he asked the crowd.
Carl 1 spoke up, “Well what about Cade and Kery? They can’t exactly eat either, wouldn’t that make them jealous?”
“Oh Carl 1 you’re so considerate, literally an angel, you are the better carl, that’s why you’re carl 1 and not carl 2, carl 1 you are literally the best, oh my gosh. I guess the ones that can’t eat can go sit in the corner and like. Play with crayons or whatever. Is that all?”
The crowd fell silent, Billy smiled, “Well then, currently your food is being born, the first on the menu for breakfast is.. Waffles! We thought it was fitting considering it is the waffle house.”
Till smiled at that, “My brother, who is Will Beezing, loves waffles. He’s also a ⭐ feminist.⭐”
“Ok. yeah, whatever, you guys can go group up and sit in the cafeteria while I get the servant boy to hand the food out, okay?” Billy asked, “Shoo, contestants, shoo. Except you, Red Servant,
Red servant smiled, “That’s my favorite! I’m so excited to serve in the kitchen, thank you for this opportunity. I will not let you down. My name is Red Servant.”
Ivan looked over to Adam, running over to him.
“Oh. hi.” Adam said, looking at Ivan. They made eye contact
“Dywwbmwml” he said, casually.
“What.”
“....” Ivan stared for a moment before giggling and running away to Liam, looking at Liam with a red face, he said “iwbimhtll”
Liam gasped and they jumped up and down together
Adam stared at the two, “Freaks, both of them, he muttered to himself before walking over to the cafeteria. As he walked, his eyes landed on a specific blue-haired girl sitting on the end of a table, staring at her food with dull eyes. He sighed, knowing he’s gonna have to act concerned even when he will not give a shit about whatever stupid drama she has going on. (he actually does care dont worry guys (-: )
“Heyyyy… you!!!!!” He says uncomfortably and seats himself next to her. “You!!!!!!!!!! Are!!!!!!! Are you okay!!!!! Buddy!!!!!!!”
“neutral height.” say claire, very sadly she sad.
“Oh!!! I’m!! Ok!! Ok Buddy!!! I’m.. sorry about that!!! What.. happened, might i ask?” Adam reassures.
“I dont like beans.” Claire sighs, shaking her head.
“Good thing we’re… not eating beans!!! We’re eating waffles!!! That’s better!!! Back at my apartment I literally never could afford waffles, I’m so glad we get decent meals here.”
“No.. its.. beans. It’s full of beans… They filled our waffles with beans, Stanheight, they filled them with beans.” Claire sobbed.
“What. can they even do that???” Adam looks between her and the waffle she had taken a bite out of,
“YES! AND THEY HAVE!!!” She looked at it, very upset by the beanffles.
Red Servant ran to the table, dropping a lunch tray in front of Adam, “i hope you like your food :-)” says Red Servant.
Before Adam could even thank Red Servant, Ivan ran over and threw five beans at Adam, and yelled “Dickmaster is dirty,” very confidently.
Every turned to look at the dirty evan
“Okay so like. Nobody died. And that sucks. So I’m gonna like… fix that…………” Billy held up 24 beige scrolls, each tied together with a red piece of string, strung into a loop.
“Today we’re gonna have our first… motive.” He strolled around the contestants, throwing a scroll at each of them. “You may begin to unravel the scrolls. Don’t show anybody. You may notice a design on your scrolls. For most of you, it’ll show a green spiral design, for one of you it will show a red spiral design. If you were the lucky one to get the red spiral design, then congratulations! You have 24 hours to kill someone or I’ll shoot you. I will do it.”
Everyone gasped 😮
“W-What?! You can’t do that, that’s totally unfair, dude!” Carl 2 spat out, stepping back, eyes wide in shock.
“Shut up carl 2 you’re made of paper you dont have rights.” billy said.
“I mean, it shouldn’t be an issue for you. You’ll be fine, you have a green one.. Right?” Cartman asked, looking over Carl 2, placing his hand on his hip and tilting his head.
“O-Of course I do! I.. I just mean.. Nobody should have to kill anyone!” Carl 2 choked out, trembling.
“I agree with Carl 2… this is… this is fr*cked up! I don’t know how to use a washing machine.” Claire turned her head to look at Billy, “You can’t expect us to do this! It’s.. It’s crazy!”
“why are you guys calling me carl 2 im just as carl as the other one 😐” Carl 2 said with a tinge of annoyance.
“That’s because I’m not made of paper. Hope this helps.” Carl 1 responded.
“Boo hoo idgaf go kill eachother, shoo, shoo. you do that i’m going to take a long nap”
And just like that, Billy was gone. Everyone was left in shock and uncertainty. The twenty four contestants couldn’t trust anyone. Left to fend for themselves.
Chapter Text
Chapter Four
As everyone looked around at each other with a newfound sense of fear, Claire took the initiative to try and lighten things up.
“Hey, I mean… cheer up, okay guys? I’m sure we’ll figure something out! We’ll be fine!” She said, forcing a smile upon her lips.
“I’m sure. There’s someone among us that’s going to kill another one of us within the next 24 hours, and we’re going to be juuust fine.” Carl 1 shook his head, narrowing his eye 💀.
“Come on, Carl 1- be- be optimistic!” Claire stuttered, “I know we hardly know eachother, but-”
“You seriously don’t get it, do you?” Carl 1 interrupted, he looked back up a
Pelvis
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If this ever sees the light of ao3 add me on discord rabbit_ebrooks
yea sure whatever add me too drylittlekitty
“We’re trapped in god knows where, living in rooms with god knows who, so I’m sorry if I’m having an emotional response, but I can’t just shrug it off like you can, Claire,” Carl 1 said, his voice wavering. He shifted his gaze back to the ground, clenching his fists, “It’s not.. I don’t.. I don’t want to be here,” his lip quivered, light tears trickling down his face. “I wanna go home.”
Claire remained silent for a moment, staring at the boy, “Carl..” she looked at him, not completely sure what she’s supposed to do, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it, I just meant you shouldn’t be so-”
“Oh, so it’s my fault?” Carl scoffed, “Of course it is, cause you can’t do anything wrong, can you? Perfect little Claire, always happy, always positive. Fuck you.” He stepped back, turning around and walking off.
“Carl-- wait, I didn’t mean ..” Claire stepped forward before Cade put his hand on Claires shoulder, effectively stopping her. They exchanged glances, she let out a sigh, “Fine.. you’re right.”
As the crowd dissipated, the room emptied out, the only people left being Lena, Sirius, Carl 2, Blitzo, and Claire. Claire sat on a weak wooden chair, staring at the ground below her. Sirius noticed her upset expression and let out a sigh, debating whether to engage or not. Eventually he decided, yeah, sure, and walked over to her awkwardly.
“Heyyyy… you….” Sirius spoke, staring at her, trying to conjure something to say to her, “I wouldn’t be so upset. Carl’s like what, ten? He’ll get over it.”
“What? Carl? Oh, right. Him.” Claire said.
“Is that.. Not what you’re upset about?” Sirius raised an eyebrow, “You can talk to me if you need to, Claire. I’m your friend. We’re friends..”
Claire’s face went hot, tears beginning to form, “I’m so scared, Sirius.” She whispered, shaking her head, “I-I don’t want anyone to get hurt, not because of me.”
Sirius stared at her, nervously shifting, “Why would.. Anyone get hurt because of you?” He asked skeptically, not fully sure if he wanted to hear the answer.
“Back in the SCP foundation.. They sometimes wanted me to hurt those poor critters. I’ve always fought against.. physical altercations between the subjects, now they hardly ever use brute force. After that I grew awfully attached to some of the subjects. Like Josie!” She smiled warmly. “I never did get to say goodbye to her, did I..?”
Sirius gave her a look, “Where are you going with this, Claire? You’re acting awfully.. Worrying.”
“If I don’t get back to Josie.. She’ll be left with those monsters. I was the only one in that d*mn facility with some form of soul. I have to get back to her, Sirius.”
“You’re not seriously implying..” Sirius’s face contorts to a look of disgust, backing up from her, “Just wait until you’re the sole survivor, Claire. That was the plan. That’s what we agreed with. You can’t- you can’t..” He looked around the room, lowering his voice to a whisper “..kill someone, Claire. You won't be any better than those bastards at the foundation, you realize that, right?”
“I have 23 hours.” Claire said coldly.
“You… what..?” Sirius’ face conveyed a look of despair, “Claire.. You… oh god.. You got the red spiral, didn’t you..?”
“Please don’t tell anyone. I’m trusting you.” Claire sighed, staring at the ground.
Im gonna watch you write while i play outlaster
this is so scary
“Fine,” SirHELLOius let out an exasperated im heresigh.STOP, “but don’t expect me to help you with… whatever the hell you’re planning. I don’t want any part in this, Claire. Okay?”
“I wasn’t expecting you to.” She looked away, sliding out of the chair and standing to her full height, (6’4”), “I’m going to bed. You probably should too, big day tomorrow.”
Sirius grimaced and nodded, his footsteps echoing on the cold hardwood floor, “Promise me you’ll stay safe, okay, Claire?” He fidgeted with the cuffs on his sleeves nervously.
“I will. I’ll get the both of us out of here, okay? I promise. We’ll get out of here, and-- and we’ll, we’ll..” Her voice faded, letting out a soft sigh, “Okay, fine. Goodnight, Sirius.”
Chapter 5: [small gnome runs across the room]
Summary:
what the fuck was that
Chapter Text
Chapter Five
The two of them walked to their respective rooms, Sirius plopped himself onto his matted gray mattress. Zero gave him a smile as Sirius entered, “W-Welcome home, Alpha! I.. I missed you. I was so o lonely, p-promise me you wont abandon your submissive little kitten ever again, okay!!? Nyaaaahh~!!!!!” he whined, diving over to his MAN and clinging to him, purring and meowing like a dry little kitty. He missed him, of course. Zero couldn’t stand being without his big muscular alpha boyfriend.
“I need to find the door” Sirius said. On the other side of things, Claire sat against the wall in her cell. She heard all of this, of course, her room was right next to Sirius’s, and the walls were very thin. Hearing all this, she was on the verge of vomiting. Who wouldn’t be? Trying to get her mind off of… them.. he glanced over to the anemic twink across the room, Brook. Brook was an enigma to the woman. He didn’t say much, and was a bit strange. She, of course, seeing Brook was wide awake, and her with her goal of befriending everyone, wanted to try to ignite a conversation between her and the short fuck.
“Soooo, Brook, was it? You look.!” She smiled welcomingly, awaiting a response from the boy.
“thanks, thats what i was going for,” he responded dryly, sarcasm lacing his tone.
“Oh, wow. That’s.. The first time I’ve heard you talk. Your accent! Uh, I uhm.. Where are you from?” Claire stuttered on her words, fidgeting with her gloves. This was good! They were getting somewhere.
“I am from scotland, land of the free, oh scotland my scotland, we all are scotland.” Brook responded, feeling rather confident with his answer, letting a sly grin slip. Ohhh that dog.
“You don’t sound scottish..? 😐” Claire raised an eyebrow, perplexed by the mans answer, “No, you sound almost.. Russian?”
“Well I am you waste of space french loser virgin redditor. I’m going to bed, your whole.. Presence.. Is too toxic 4 me.” Brook said, flipping his hair and slamming his head on his mattress.
“Oh, ah.. Goodnight.. sweet … prince?” Claire spat out, not really thinking.
“Nice one.” He muttered, his face buried in his mattress.
As Brook began to fall asleep, Claire walked over to him and lowered herself to his level, shaking him gently, “Brook..?” She whispered. When she heard no response, and turned her attention to the door. She needed to find the door, afterall.
Her heels clattered against the cool pavement, as she walked around the cell block, she tried to pull back from her memory where everyone was. There wasn’t a specific curfew, so it was mostly free reign. Most people preferred to sleep early, though. She didn’t want to kill anyone, of course, but if she had to.. Who would she..
Her thoughts were quickly interrupted by the sound of a masculine voice below her, who she quickly recognized as being Bryce, a welcome surprise. Apparently she had walked past his room.
“Hey, Claire! You’re up awfully late.” He gave a awkward smile, his voice sounding a bit more accusatory than he intended.
“Oh, I WASN’T DOING ANYTHING SUSPICIOUS, I ah.. I got hungry. Late night munchies, AHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA” She smiled back.
“Oh. Um. I guess so.” Bryce responded, “Well if you’re.. going somewhere, It’s probably not super safe to go anywhere alone, heh, not this late, anyways… do you want some….” He fidgeted with his stick-fingers, “company?”
“NO.” She blurted, Bryce was like, her second best friend in this whole joint, she couldn’t get him involved in her dirty work, “I mean uh… I’ll be fine! I’m strong, you know?” She corrected herself.
“Then… maybe you just want someone to talk with? I dunno, we hardly get any free time, I wanna get to know you!” He nervously smiled, “Unless you like.. Don’t want me to. I get it.”
Claire looked down, not wanting to be a complete d*ck, she rubbed her eyes and let out a defeated sigh, “Yeah, fine, sure dude, let’s… go to the kitchen.”
Bryce smiled, “Well, okay!” He walked alongside her, the both of them falling silent, “Oh um… what’s your uh… favorite… food?” He tilted the top of his bottle in an inquisitive manner, attempting to make conversation.
“Oh, I have such a terrible sweet tooth, I just love strawberry shortcake, or honestly any pastries. I hardly get the chance to have them, but they are sooooo good.” She smiled.
“Oh, uhm.. Cool.. I’ve never had.. That before.” He shyly spoke, “It sounds good though, I like strawberries.”
“Seriously? You’re kidding, dude, when you get out of here you gotta try some, it’s soo good.” She scoffed, “Hey, maybe I’ll make you some! You can try a whole bunch of pastries with me!”
“Really? That’d be awesome. I had a bit of a weird situation happen to me like.. Maybe six months ago, now, so it’s been hard for me to.. Make money for that kind of stuff..” He shifted slightly.
“...Weird… situation?” She looked down to him, stopping in her tracks, “What happened..?”
“You might’ve heard about it in the news, I guess.. Some freak in my district, Airy, he tried making his… own wafflehouse. Just with people in district 6. And… Liam and I.. both of us were involved in that. Eventually I was able to defeat him, using a glitched highlighter he accidentally put in our world, I was able to teleport him into the hellscape he made for us and stab him to death with it.. Heh, that’s actually why I’m the Ultimate Highlighter.. But.. that’s all in the past. It hardly affects me now.” Bryce let out a soft exhale.
Tension formed in the air, Claire stood in shock, looking at him, before starting to walk again, “So.. this isn’t your first time in some.. Messed up gameshow?” She questioned.
“No, it isn’t.” He followed along with her.
“I’m um… sorry about that. But, uh, hey! If you survived that one, there’s a good chance you’ll live through this one, right? I mean, what if you just stab billy to death with your.. Weird.. Glitchy highlighter thingy?”
“Billy confiscated it on my way in. Besides, even if I had it, the anti-power spray probably would mess with the whole.. Workability factor.” He answered.
“Oh.. right. Sorry, I don’t know much about things from your district.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? You’re from what, district four? You’re only like two levels higher than me, don’t act all high-and-mighty.” Bryce glared.
“No, I didn’t mean that, I meant- I was pretty sheltered. I’ve always been so caught up in my work with the SCP that.. I never got the chance to learn about other districts.” She defended.
“Oh. I forget you’re the ultimate SCP sometimes.. How was.. That line of work..?” He asked, itching to get the subject away from himself.
“I don’t- It was fine. There were a lot of cute little critters there, I had a couple favorites… like SCP-999? It’s basically just orange goop, it’s cute as heck, though.” She spoke as she stepped into the kitchen, opening the fridge, “Oh wow, they have…. Like nine gallons of milk. Ookay…”
Bryce laughed, “That’s a lot of milk, you could say, got milk?” Bryce burst into hysterics at his own joke.
“What.”
His smile faded, looking away, bottle-cheeks going red, “You don’t got milk..” He sighed.
Claire snorted, “Yeah, I guess not.” She stood to her full height and closed the fridge door, hearing a swift snap.
The world went silent for a moment, her breath hitched, she held the door there, frozen in fear, “Bryce?” Her voice faltered and she slowly started to look to the ground.
There he was, the soda bottle she grew to love, cracked, unconscious on the kitchen floor.
“Oh nonononono, Bryce, BRYCE!” She yanked the fridge door open, holding Bryce’s body, looking at him, waving her hand frantically in front of his face, tears welling up.
“F*ck-- f*ck, Bryce, wake up,” she shook him gently, her tears splashing onto the cold plastic.
Im really bored so im gonna continue this
“Bryce, no…” she sobbed “Oh god, what have I done? I didn’t mean it, Bryce…” Inconsolable, she hugs Bryce tightly as tears stream down hr face. She desperately tries to wake him up, but he remains unconscious. The realization sets in—Bryce is dead.
Tears stream down her face as she stands up and takes a step back, still shaking from the shock of accidentally murdering Bryce the Ultimate Highlighter. “I need to get out. I can’t let this stop me… I need to get back to the scp foundation so I can save josie or whatever her name is.”
“I need to do things so I can get away with murder guys. I’m gonna do it. I need to pretend I didn’t kill him” claire says as she picks up Bryce and puts him in the wafflehouse washing machine. Everyone knows that Claire doesn’t know how to use a washing machine, they’ll never suspect her now.
“I’m so sorry Bryce…” she cries as she leaves and closes the door to the wafflehouse washing room.
As she was leaving, she ran into Kusunoki Muu from the hit interactive music project MILGRAM (DISTRICT 8)
She approaches Claire (why is buddy approaching?) “Are you okay? You’re crying. Did something happen?” she asks
Claire stares at her blankly. She is too busy thinking about dead bryce and stupid josie from the scp foundation or something. “Huh? Oh, yeah, I–I was just…” Caught off guard, she tries to quickly think of an excuse. Anything to say to get her out of this situation. “The washing machine, It’s broken… my dress is ruined and i m really sad about it”
“Oh no, I’m so sorry… How did it break? What were you doing in there?” muu asks, concerned for claire “I’ll go in and try to fix it” she says as she reaches for the door to the wafflehouse washing room.
“NO! No, no, no. Don’t go in there.” Claire panics as she moves to block her access to the door. “It’s REALLY bad. It’s on fire. It exploded. The washing machine exploded and my dress is destroyed! You really can’t go in there! It would be a disaster!”
“Okay, okay… I guess it’s not my problem then.” Muu begins to step away from the door. She’s definitely worried about the big fire that is apparently happening in there right now. “Are you okay though? Are you hurt?”
“I’m fine, really.” claire says, trying to sound as reassuring as possible. “It was an accident, that’s all…” she knows there isn’t really a fire in the wafflehouse washing room and that if anyone goes in there, muu will know She Killed Bryce. “Grug going to start a fire for real…” Claire thinks to herself.
“Okay, if you say so!” Muu is a little confused but she smiles and waves her hand at Claire anyway. “I’m sure Billy will come and put out the fire later anyway. The very real fire that is happening in that room right now. Billy will put it out. Anyway, I have really important prisoner activities to be doing right now. They call me the Ultimate Prisoner, so i’m going to prison so hard. Bye bye.” Muu walks away down the hall away from the wafflehouse washing room and Claire sighs with relief. “That was close…” she thouhgt.
Once Muu left and the hallway was clear, Claire ran back into the kitchen to find something to start a fire with. She frantically searched every cabinet and drawer to find something that could potentially be used to make a washing machine explode, then her eyes landed on the oven. The whole oven.
Have a bite
“This is it…!” she declared as she (6’4, really strong) picked up the oven and carried it back to the wafflehouse washing room. Then she put it on top of the washing machine that bryce was located in. Because she put him in there. Dead bryce is inside the washine machine
“This still isn’t enough, I need something more to actually start a fire with…” Claire thought over her options, then she realised the perfect solution. “Forcas forkboy… fireballs… he make them!”
C
Laire immediately rushed to find Forcas, checking through all the rooms in wherever she is before running back to the cells that they all sleep in. “I’ve got to find him. I need to find Forcas so he can bless my fireballs.” Claire knocked on the door to Forcas’ cell that he shares with (??? who is his roommate i forgot and i cant find it anywhere). “Forcas! Are you in there? I need your help!” Claire screamed as she continued to bang on the door.
She heard the door unlock (do they do that) before it swung open to reveal Forcas Forkboy standing there. She found him! “I’m Forcas. I’m here to yap and punish the wicked. How can I help you? What’s wrong with you?”
Maybe claire was the wicked that needed to be punished. She had killed Bryce, after all. But she couldn’t tell him that. She had another reason for coming here. “Forcas Forkboy, can you please bless my fireballs? I need it for a thing. It’s not weird or suspicious.”
Forcas stared at her. It was very weird and suspicious. It was very strange to ask to have your fireballs blessed in the middle of the night, but he ignored his suspicion. He’s the ultimate angel I think, he could never refuse to help someone like Claire. “Sure! I can bless your fireballs!” he did a little magic “consider them blessed .”
“Thank you Forcas! Thank you so much! I will use my fireballs for good things only.”
Claire ran back to the wafflehouse washing room, knowing that she was not going to use her fireballs for good things. But she did what she had to do. “I’m sure anyone else in my position would’ve done the same… right?”
She did it. She launched her fireballs at the washing machine + oven which caused a really big fire. Big explosion. AWABBA 💥 OPs ahh explosion. She felt the room heating up from the fire, the temperature in the wafflehouse washing room was growing impossibly far from a new record. She needed to get out. “I need to get out” say claire. As she sprinted towards the door to leave the room, the fire burned through her glove, scarring her hand and she screamed AAAAHHAHAHGAHGGHGHHGHAHGHAAGAGHHGHGHHHBGNBNGBJHGBHBGHGBHJBGJNBNJMBGJGBNJ as she walked out
Somewhere else in the waffle wouse
Adam jolted awake, hearing a loud explosion, “Somewhere else in the waffle wouse!” He exclaimed, looking over to his roommate, “Hey, uhh… backpack?”
Liam yawned, “You don’t know…. Oh oh…. Creepers are terribl…” he muttered in his sleep.
“Ah! Drat! I’m alone in this house! Nooooo!!!” He called out in despair, sobbing into the mattress, that was when he heard a.. light Knocking on the cell wall door. He looked up to see.. Ivan?
“can you stop being so loud please?” He asked politely, rubbing his eyes.
“Huh? Oh, yeah. Sorry. I didn’t mean to.. Wake you up. You’re Ivan, right? You’re roommates with that.. Demon chick, Lena.” He gave a weak smile.
“Oh. yeah, you’re dickmaster.” Ivan says, recognizing him.
“I’m-- I’m.. what??” Adam stared, showing obvious discomfort at the nickname.
“Dickmaster. You’re Dickmaster.” Ivan stated, he was the dickmaster, afterall.
“please don’t call me that.”
“GOD IS DEAD!!!!!!!! AND NO-ONE CARES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF THERE IS A HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ILL SEE YOU THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” ivan exploded into a million pieces and reformed somewhere else idk.
Notes:
we really waffled our wouse
Chapter 6: grug going to do it for real
Summary:
hey guys
Chapter Text
Chapter Six
As everyone woke up, Forcas took initiative to gather everyone into the living-space, once everyone got inside, he began taking headcounts, “Okay, Cade, Kery, you’re here… Red Servant, Cartman, you’re here too…” He began listing everyone, “Uhhh… that’s twenty three. There’s twenty four of us, right?”
“Wasn’t it your idea to get everyone here? You seriously forgot one of us?” Carl 1 scoffed, “Some genius forkboy you are.”
“I thought I did! I went into every cell and called you guys here! Who’s missing?” Forcas looked over everyone.
“Well not that it fucking matters, but the fucking pathetic bitch-boy waterbottle roommate my darling Blitzy has wasn’t fucking here last night. Maybe he couldn’t fucking stand the sound of Blitzy FUCKING MY BRAINS OUT!!!! I fucking got laid last night guys.” Freak 2 recalled.
“Umm… first off… Ew. Second off, Bryce isn’t here? What happened to him?” She asked, looking around, “I liked him, the little object guys were cute.”
Liam rolled his eyes, “He’s fine. I know Bryce, he wouldn’t die in the first round. He probably just fell asleep in the ikea room or something.”
Ivan looked down at Liam, “wanna come search with me?” He asked.
“YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
And then ivan grabbed Liam and put him on his back and started running into the ikea.
“Yesss buddy Ivan, we’re going into the UNKNOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Hello 👽
get out of here
Ebay dude made me laugh so hard i need to go stand outside to calm down that weas so fucking funny
STOOPPPPP
“Ebay dude, red servant and I will be ummmmmmm in the kitchen doing kewl things and NOT looking for your STEWPID UGLY TRASH BOTTLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lets go, servant boy.” cartman announced very confidently.
“YES” red servant replied, eager to serve in the kitchen.
Forcas rolled his eyes, “Whatever, I don’t think that’s a… detrimental loss. I think they had the right ideas, however. We should leave in pairs. Uhh… can we have the freaks together? I don’t think anyone will want to be their partners.” Forcas suggested, everyone agreed. The freaks, however, exchanged skeptical glances.
“We were staying in Paris.” Freak one protested, Freak 2 nodded along. Freak one continued. “To get away from our parents, and I thought “Wow, if I could take this in a shot right now, I don’t think that we could work this out..”--”
“Out on the terrace,” Freak 2 interrupted, “I don’t know if it’s fair but I thought “How could I let you fall by yourself while I’m wasted with someone else?” he sighed, as freak 1 harmonized with the other freak, “If we go down then we go down together. They’ll say you could do anything, they’ll say that I was clever.” their eyes watered, voice wavering a bit, “If we go down then we go down together, we’ll get away with everything, let’s show them we are better.”
Forcas stared at the two, “What” before he could finish his thought, Ivan came RUNNING into the room, panting, while the backpack he wore jumped down and announced (very emotionally and sadly), “I have found abody!”
how do you spellokay in a way that sounds like “ewkay” just say ebay dudeEBAY STIOP
“Jesus, already? That was like. Two minutes.” Forcas raised an eyebrow, looking at the two.
“Yidkijrfig” Ivan muttered and shrugged.
“Yeah, okay, fine, well.. Show us to the body, will you?” Forcas gestured.
Ivan then proceeded to lead everyone into the laundry room, which is…. Not even accessible through ikea, very unsure how they reached here, but as everyone made their way into the room, they were met with the beautiful scent of burnt plastic and bisexuality.
Forcas winced, the scent was a quite unwelcome one, “Jesus fuck..” he backed himself up with the gruesome display, “so he really is… dead.”
Liam teared up, “Yo-del-lay, yo-del-lay-ee ho.”
Freak 1 gasped, “FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK! IT’S ALL FUCKING BURNT TO A CRISP! FUCK! IT STINKS IN HERE! FUCK! DAMN YOU, BISEXUALS! WHAT THE FUCK FUCK FUCK!! I HATE BITCHES!!! I WANT TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF!” he yelled
Claire stared, “Huh, s-so the body is gone, huh? S-So I guess we can’t do anything. I-I guess we should just give up forever.”
“Yea, she has a point. My brother is Will Beezing.” Till said casually like he was so o cool.
Lena stared at the two, “...No? What the fuck are you two on about? Obviously, we aren’t just going to give up. Forcas,” She turned her head to look at him, “When you bless fireballs... Don’t they change color to your sexuality?”
Claire heard this and tilted her head, what? She wasn’t bisexual, why would her fireballs be that color, then? What’s going on..?
“Yeah. And?” Forcas raised an eyebrow.
“And that might be why it reeks of bisexuality in this dump. Did you… perhaps bless any weird or... suspicious fireballs recently?” She questioned.
“Haha, no, of course not! This good boy only grants the non-suspicious fireballs. I’d never grant a fireball if I knew it’d hurt someone.” He winked and smiled.
“Clearly this “good boy” granted something, though,” She rolled her eyes and turned to face the others, “Well, I guess we’ll just have to interrogate all the bisexuals. Forcas, can you bless each person here so we can reveal all of the bisexuals?”
“Haha, on it! We’ll punish this wicked as soon as we can!” Forcas yapped confidently, he loved to yap.
Forcas went through and granted each individual fireball. hi 🐭🐭*
Kerykeion - Gay.
Caduceus - Bisexual. Forcas and Caduceus exchanged a look and pointed over to Lena, gesturing to go over for a talk.
Red servant: “i’m that hashtag bisexual we cnt act without more intelligence nogjfajghjfhg i could eat you lot for breakfast oops did i strike a nerve “ “im a loser baby”
This smells like fun! Dnt do it
Forcas walked over to the protagonist. “Are you bisexual? Let’s find out” and then forcas blessed his fireballs. They turned nonbinary. Protagonist is nonbinary as fuck. “I’m nonbinary as fuck” said prortgagonist.
“THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE! NONBINARY ISN’T A SEXUALITY! NO!” said forcas. But protagonist doesnt care because they are nonbinary as fuckTHEIR FUCKING HGENDER fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fucvk. Fucking nobinaries and their fucking hgender. IM SO HORNY FOR NONBINARY OPEOPLE AND BISEXUALE ORANGES
Red servant walks over to forcas, “we’ve run out of hazbin hotel, we need more. do your worst, daddy~” whos your daddy whats what he do?”
“Umm. Ok. Freak.” Forcas replied to the red servant guy. “I just need to know if you re bisexual. Are you ready to have your fireballs blessed? I hope you are ready, because i’m blessing them now. Get ready to be blessed.” He blessed the fireballs “AAAAAAH GET FUCKING BLESSED IM FUCKING BLESSING YOUR FIREBALLS TO FIND OUT IF YOU’RE FUCKING BISEXUAL”
Then it happened. The fireballs turned bisexual. Red servant guy is bisexual i think. Yeah. :bisexual:
I believe in dreamin’ Shooting for the stars
Baby to be number one youive got to raise the bar
Kickin and a scratchin fuck fuck fuck grindin out my best
Anything it takes to climb the ladder of success
Work our tails off every day
Gotta bump the competition
Blow them all away
Yeah we’re gonna
Bop bop bop bop to the top
Slip and slide and ride that rhythm
Jump and hop hop til we drop
And start again
Zip zap zop
Pop like a mop
Scoot around the corner
Move it to the groove
Til the music stops
Do the dop
“I think bive did it” Say glenn, who did in th room.
My turen
“How do we know it’s Bive?” says forcas the forkboy “There are many other bisexuals in the wafflehouse.I think Red Servant is bisexual. Maybe he kiklked bive i mean bryce”
“MEOOOWO MEOOOOW MEOOOOOOW MEOOOW MEOW MOOOW!!!!” Yells Zero adamantly, he was VERY angry at these daring accusations, how could they say such a thing! “Red servant is my red rover. You cannot say that you un-bridged gap.”
“That’s not good enough, zero. Your red rover could be bisexual. Pear egg egg
“N-No.. He isn’t. I know he isn’t. You have to believe me, please! Meow!” Zero exclaimed, his face getting red, “ Nico, can u come over to my house?” Zero tilted his head curiously.
o in cosion. ck o\f. He doso nico is CAN YOT im writing forcas fucg frak
“Oompa loompa doompa de doo i got a baad feeling bout you” forcxas doesnt like nico
“Nico answer them.” Liam added.
Zero jumps up in hatred, “YOU TAKEm,erowe meow!” Zero clears his throat, “my bad. as I meow was saying,MEOWMOEOWMEOPW HOW YOU COULD YOU SAY THAT ABOUT THE NICO!!! MNO. NONONONO GET OUT OF MY HEAD. GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!” Zero started sobbing uncontrollably, his face filled with sorrow.
“That’s not good enough, zero. Your red rover could be bisexual. I need to bless his fireballs to prove he isnt bisexual, zero. You need to let me do that it is really important to the investigation. Also idgaf about nico”
“F-Fine, if you MEOWEMEOWMEKWOPWEMWOEW MEOW MEOW Must…. But just know.. He’s not bisexual.. He would’ve told me…” He shifted his gaze to Red Servant, looking for approval.
Red Servant looked back at zero. He had a secret. He was bisexual “I’m not bisexual” he said to zero “I’m so not bisexual… like you can just tell how not bisexual i am you literally dont even need to bless my fire balls or whatever”
“See! He’s not MEOWMEWEOMWOEW bisexual! He said it himself!” Say zero… noit knowing red servant was really bisexual
“Well, that’s too bad. Because I still have to bless his fireballs. Sorry buddy.” Forcas said as he blessed the fireballs of the servant.
“FUICK FUCK FUCK FUCKOKAQkkihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh stop that hhhFREAK YOPU FRTEAK STOP IThhhhhh
Zero stared in shock as the fireballs turned bisexual colored. He couldn’t believe it… NYAAHHH~~ I’M A LITTLE DRY KITTEN!! Red servant was bisexual…? Why didn’t he tell him… Was it because he killed bryce? Red servant killed bryce? Red servant is a fucking freak he killed bryce and he lied about being bisexual to avoid getting executed. There’s no way.
“I can explain!!!” red servant cried as he looked at his bisexual fireballs
to be continued...
Notes:
BAD LUCK - laurelikes him "I call thatepicredlaska dogs" 🤠³ Coeur - the team SPOOKY BUDvote LAUREN
Chapter 7: Freak TWO exclaimed
Summary:
“Dob” Says the freak 1
Chapter Text
“Dob” Says the freak 1
“Can we just get to the point? A man is dead, we have little time to get evidence. All we know is one of those people killed him, and we have quite a few of those people.” Carl 2 spouted impatiently. NO I MEANT WE WERE MAKIGN SOMEONE KEEP TALKING ABOUT BIVE OK FINE WE CAN MAKE BIVE A LITTLE GNOME JUST OD YOUR PART.
Is bive here yet stop i thought we were adding bive IT WAS BIVE I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA HAVE BIVE RANDOMLY RUN ACROSS THE ROO “I think bive did it” Say glenn, who did in th room.
My turen
“How do we know it’s Bive?” says forcas the forkboy “There are many other bisexuals in the wafflehouse.I think Red Servant is bisexual. Maybe he kiklked bive i mean bryce” M LIKE THE GNOME FROM THAT ONE MESSAGE
*bive runs across the room like the little gnome* “i’m going to do my part” says bive
“What! What! What! Forcas yelled into the room” Forcas yelled into the room.
“Oh my god! Is that bive? Could bive have killed the dead guy? Soda bottle? Did bive do it? Forcas! You need to help us figure out if bive is bisexual! We need to catch bive” says red servanmt
“meowGuys I think I speak for all of us when I say we need to capture all of the bisexuals and contain them. They’re dangerous, N-NYAHH!!~~~~ I’M SO DRY!!!” Yelped Zero excitedly, “She’s still in here.”
“Guys this isn’t okay. Just because im bisexual doesnt mean i killed bryce. I don’t need to be captured!” carl 12
“Who the fuck said that.” Forcas asked, looking around the room in fear.
“I don’t know. It wasn’t me. Stop asking questions forcas.” carl 1 (one) screams
“I’m not the one who’s bisexual here, freak. Oompa loompa doompety doo, I’ve got a bad feeling ‘bout you…. Liam, Ivan, cuff him please.” Forcas commanded (he commands the backpacks).
“IVAN IS NOT A BACKPACK THAT IS A HUMAN MAN” SAYS bive
Forcas uses his mind powers and turns ivan into half of a backpack. (He has backpack powers now.)
“tHis isn’t fair on us bisexuals. We didn’t all kill bryce. It was just one bisexual” muu gets really angry and shouts at umm forcas and the other anti bisexuals
“Idcaf.” Liam and Ivan say in unison and grab ALL THE BISEXUALS WITH ONE HAND (thats a part of the back-pack-package) and THROWS THEM INTO THE BIG PRISON IN THE
CORNER OF THE COMMON ROOM.
holEHSY WHAT THE FUCK
I DISCONNECTED
STOP IT
JumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJumpJump
Yes get out of here HELP ME PLEASE I CANT GET IN
Can we add veryth soon i was planning on adding us when they capture all the bisexuals and billy walks in
and goes “wtf are you guys doing are you stupid?”
Stoppp YESOKAY hamster ballOKAY hamster ball ARE WE READY ARE W
Its your turn
“No im captured” said the captured bisexuals “NOOO!!! NOOOOO!!! NOOOO!!! I DONT WANT TO BE CAPTURED!!! NOOO!!! PLEASE!!! UNCAPTURE ME!!! LET ME OUT!!! I NEED TO GET OUT!!! I NEED TO GET OUT!!! I NEED TO” said all of the bisexuals at the exact same time
Eventually, with all the yelping and pleading of the captured bisexuals, Billy caught word of the war against bisexuals. They needed to get out.
He wheeled over to the group and STOOD UP ON HIS HIND LEGS, OFF OF HIS TRICICLE. That’s how you know it’s serious. Adam screamed, “Ah!”
Billy smirked, “What do you think you’re doing, Fartboy?” He said to no one in particular, jumping in the air and breaking all the bisexuals free, “We don’t capture the bisexuals in this home.”
“A-Ah, Billy, we can explain, you see!~ I was being such a good dry little kitty, b-but Forcas, he.. Mroooowrrr..” He yowled, “He commanded the backpacks to capture the bisexuals, please forgive them, they didn’t know what they were doing! NYAAAAHHHHHHH”
“No, shut up, since you’re all too stupid to understand a SIMPLE INSTRUCTION, I will be bringing a very close friend of mine to assist you all.” Billy smirked
“You have friends?” Lawrence questioned.
“SHUT UP YOU BLONDE BIMBO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He screeched in response, “Be nice to them. They’ll be here momentarily.”
“Hm.. another fucking freak… I fucking wonder how they’ll fucking be like.. Hopefully better than my fucking ex wife. I fucking hate her, shit.” Freak TWO exclaimed.
A
A
“We better call saul” all of the outlasters say in unison
Guess who walks in
Saul good man hye’s here to outlast and punish the wicked
“What rhymes with wafflehouse?in other words, sirius has been fucking doxxed”
Jump
Says saul and all of the outlasters laugh at him
eman tseuG (Guest) on Chapter 1 Sat 08 Jun 2024 04:06PM UTC
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antlergore on Chapter 6 Thu 22 Feb 2024 03:13AM UTC
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alaskaguys on Chapter 6 Thu 22 Feb 2024 03:13AM UTC
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