Never Again

by nopenopenope19

Summary:

But... there he stood. His familiar black hair swept across his forehead and eyes; the same pattern of tattoos on his left arm exactly as they were when he left; his clothes the same except for the lack of expedition gear. And his eyes. His dark eyes shined at them, a warm if not sheepish smile on his face as he looked back at them.

Dys.

~

Sol sees their love one more time, a chance to say a proper goodbye.

Chapter 1

The survey drone dropped from their hand, thudding against the hard ground, but Sol didn't care.

Their eyes were locked onto a figure coming out of the tree line, their mouth open in shock. Tears stung at their eyes as he stepped closer, his hands in his pockets.

It had been two years since Sol was able to negotiate peace with the Gardeners, three since they had bid farewell to their lover, giving him up for his happiness. Sol thought they were dreaming.

But... there he stood. His familiar black hair swept across his forehead and eyes; the same pattern of tattoos on his left arm exactly as they were when he left; his clothes the same except for the lack of expedition gear. And his eyes. His dark eyes shined at them, a warm if not sheepish smile on his face as he looked back at them.

Dys.

"Hi, Sol."

Sol let out a sob at the warm timbre in his voice. They broke out in a run, abandoning their equipment as they launched themself at Dys, wrapping their arms around his neck and burying their ace in his chest. Dys held them just as tight as they sobbed.

When he left, Sol's heart broke, no matter how much they wanted him to be happy. Since then, they had never fully been able to move on. No one else had a hold on their heart like Dys had. Though Sym came close and was very dear to Sol's heart and their current lover, it wasn't the same as Dys. And Sym understood that, and stood by them all the same.

But Dys was here. He was really here. They didn't understand why, but it made no difference to Sol. As much as they understood that Dys was always near as a Gardener, and they slowly found comfort in that thought over time, it wasn't the same as having his familiar figure there to see and hold.

Sol pulled back just enough to cup Dys' face in their hands, taking in every feature as long as they could. "How? Why?" they asked, still sobbing slightly.

Dys kept a tight arm around their waist but brought the other hand up to wipe Sol's tears away. "I wanted to see you. Talk to you," he said, his voice warm and soft. "Let it out, love. We got time."

Sol slid their hands back down to clutch at Dys' shirt, tucking their head under his chin and continued to cry. Dys wrapped himself around them, his arms holding them in comfort and protection. He ran a hand through their hair, closing his eyes and resting his head against theirs, tears even springing from his own eyes.

Neither knew how long they stood there, but neither cared. All that mattered was each other.

When Sol's sobs finally subsided, their breath evened out and they held Dys closer, reveling in his embrace now that they could finally focus. "I miss you," they whispered.

Dys hesitated for a moment before deciding to take a leap and pressing a kiss against their head, continuing to run a hand through their blue locks. "I missed you, too."

Sol pulled back to look at Dys again, his dark eyes a sight they never thought they'd see again. "What happened? I thought..."

"I did too," Dys said, knowing the question had been coming. "I didn't think I'd want anything to do with humanity ever again. That I'd never use this body again. But that was exactly why I had to see you again." Sol looked at him with confusion in their eyes. Dys clarified, "The more time I spend as a Gardener, the less interested I am in the colony. I have the entire world at my fingertips, why would I continue my time with humanity? But I realized... that it might not all be a conscious disconnect from humanity. I'm slowly leaving everything else behind, whether I want to or not. Being a Gardener changed my consciousness. I didn't want to completely leave humanity behind before I had the chance to talk to you again. I couldn't risk forgetting you yet."

"So... the less time you spend around us, the smaller the capacity you have to care?" Sol asked, trying not to take it personally. It was simply how the world worked. The Gardener's world. They understood that they could never be with Dys again, but this... they hadn't anticipated.

"Essentially. Which is why I needed to see you again, Sol. I wanted and needed the reminder about how much I care about you. And to talk to you before it became too late," Dys replied. it was different for him, too. Seeing Sol so close, holding them in his own arms instead of sensing their presence, it was bliss. Sol had been the only thing keeping him attached to the colony, and to him, they felt like home. However... Dys cupped Sol's face, rubbing his thumb across their cheekbone. "I don't regret becoming a Gardener, Sol. It's what I wanted out of life. But I do promise you that I will do my damndest to make sure I don't forget you."

Sol's eyes welled up with tears again, but they did understand. They knew that him being here wouldn't be forever. It was a bit unrealistic of them to have that sliver of hope, they knew that. But that meant they would savor every single moment of their current time together. Sol held Dys' hand to their race, reveling in the warmth. "I get it..." they murmured, but they couldn't help their tone being sad.

Dys sighed and placed his forehead against theirs, closing his eyes. "I'm sorry." His whisper was soft but so heavy. He had never apologized for leaving them or how it would make them feel. And yet they still sent him off with a soft smile and a tearful goodbye. "I'm so sorry."

Sol brought their hands up to cup Dys' face, causing him to open his eyes, revealing the pained yet loving look in their beautiful brown eyes to him. "Dys, you don't need to apologize to me. You're happy. That's all I have ever wanted for you, ever since we were kids."

"But that doesn't excuse me leaving you just like that. I'm truly sorry for causing you so much pain. I admit, I may have been hasty in giving up my humanity so soon, but I wasn't sure I'd ever get the chance again. When I transitioned into the Array, I finally felt free. Until Sym started giving me updates on everything happening in your life."

Internally, Sol started cursing Sym. That wasn't what they wanted. Yes, they wanted Sym to keep Dys company, but keeping him privy to their every detail wasn't ideal. They sighed and began to pull away, not willing to look Dys in the eye anymore, but Dys wouldn't let them run. Every moment was precious now. He didn't want to waste a single second of it.

"Don't blame Sym. He was doing what he thought was best, and he was right. I'm so sorry that you felt you had to hide your pain. That I caused so much of that pain. But you still sent me off with a smile. Sol, you're the most selfless person I have ever known, and I think I took advantage of that. I'm sorry." He felt like he couldn't say the word enough for it to truly convey his guilt. But he wasn't done. He placed a gentle kiss on their forehead and continued, "But I am so incredibly proud of you, baby. You did what I didn't think was possible. When I left, I genuinely thought everyone was doomed to rot. But then you came swooping in like a tidal wave, a force to be reckoned with, and not only overthrew the government, but you brought peace, a true peace to everyone. Sym has told me everything. All of the hard work you put in, everything you've ever done for everyone around you. I'm so incredibly proud. I had to tell you that.

"You are the most incredible thing to happen in my lifetime. To the colony. Honestly... to the planet, all things considered." Dys ran a gentle hand through Sol's hair, moving their bangs away from their eyes, then resting his hand at the base of their neck. He looked at them with all the love he could possibly convey. "You should be proud of everything you have ever done. Over and over again, you have done everything in your power to do the right thing. Every day, every lifetime. You continue to be the amazing person you are. And I couldn't be more proud of you, or grateful that you exist in my life."

Sol's lips curled into a watery smile. They knew that revealing his true feelings and putting those feelings into words was always hard for Dys. So having the privilege to hear him lay his emotions bare like this, especially after so long, was truly a blessing to them. It was theirs and theirs alone.

But Dys wasn't done. His loving look turned serious that had Sol tilting their head at the sudden shift. "But from her on out, I need you to promise me something. I need you to promise me that in your future lifetimes you will be a little selfish."

Sol shook their head. "Dys-"

"Please," his soft tone cut them off. "In every lifetime you have fought for peace. You've saved lives that had been previously destined for death. You expend your energy every day for the sake of others, but you forget yourself in the process. You of all people deserve to be selfish. You should be able to indulge in your desires, to get what you want."

"But Dys..." Sol's voice trailed off as they rubbed their thumbs across his cheekbones. "You realize what you're asking of me, right?"

Dys nodded, turning his head slightly to place a gentle kiss on one of Sol's palms. "I do. And I'm telling you it's okay." Dys let his hand play with the cord around Sol's neck, noting that never once did they take off the unisaur horn he gave them. He looped his fingers under the cord and trailed them down to the horn, holding it firmly to Sol's chest. "Darling, I want you to remember this, from now on until the end of your lifetimes: if you were to ask me to stay, I promise I would be happy to stay for you." Dys leaned his forehead against Sol's, closing his eyes. "Tell me what you want, baby."

Sol sniffed, a fresh wave of tears hitting them. "I want you," they whispered, a small sob escaping them. "I want you so badly. I want you with me. I want to explore the world by your side. Wake up to you every morning, fall asleep next to you. I want you back."

Dys wrapped his arms around them, pulling Sol into him again, allowing them to sob into his chest. He kissed the side of their head before dropping his head, his lips brushing against their ear. "Then stop me in your next lifetime. Promise me you will use that beautiful heart of yours to make me stay." Sol nodded vigorously, burying their face deeper into Dys' neck. "I love you so much, Sol. You make me so happy, don't ever think otherwise. You let me go so I could be happy, but I'm also happy with you. Never forget that, darling."

Sol lifted their head, their teary gaze meeting Dys'. "Don't leave me," they whispered.

Never again. Dys knew he couldn't make that promise. Not in their current lifetime. But he swore to himself, whether he remembered or not, he would uphold that moving forward. "I won't. Not yet."

Sol understood the meaning behind his words, but was grateful nonetheless for him to even be here for whatever time they had. "I love you."

"And I you." With that, Dys leaned down to take Sol's lips with his, fulfilling their mutual desire since they laid eyes on each other.

I won't leave you. Never again.

Chapter 2: I'm Not Going Anywhere

Summary:

Sol takes the leap in their next life and pleads for what they want, but Dys surprises them, too.

Dys felt his resolve waver as Sol looked at him, disappointment yet understanding in their eyes. But he held his ground. He had to do this. He held the bomb closer to his chest, as if the action would hide it from his partner.

Sol opened their mouth, ready to spout the usual “I understand” to Dys. Business as usual, they guessed. But a whisper of a promise ghosted through their memories. Was it worth it?

Sol’s mouth closed and they dropped their head. They clenched their fists as tears began escaping from their eyes. “Please… don’t leave me.”

Dys felt his heart stop for a moment. What…?

“What… did you say?”

Sol looked up, their eyes swimming with tears. “Please don’t leave me.” Their voice shook with held back sobs.

Why did that plea hit him differently? Dys felt a pull in his head. Their words floated through his mind, but a brief image flashed across his eyes.

Sol had been hugging him, the plea being repeated. Their want to keep him tugging at his heart, but his own voice was loud and clear.

Never again.

Sol shook their head, turning away from Dys, which brought him out of the strange memory. “Just…never mind. Just leave. It’ll make you happy.”

Sol couldn’t help the sob that escaped them as they began to run, tearing out of the drainpipe. They felt so stupid. It wasn’t worth it. It was never worth it.

“No.” Sol gasped as they felt Dys’ arms wrap around them from behind, effectively stopping their run. Sol squirmed a little, trying to escape his grasp, but Dys held them tighter. He buried his face into their shoulder. “I won’t leave. Never again.”

Sol whipped around to face Dys, their hands landing on his chest. They looked at him with wide eyes, not believing the words they heard.

Dys brought a hand up to cup Sol’s face, wiping at their tears with his thumb. “I… made a promise to you, didn’t I?”

A loud sob overtook them. They collapsed into Dys’ arms, holding onto him for dear life as they cried their heart out. He meant it. Somehow, he knew. Dys held them close, threading a hand through their hair, holding their head against his chest. A pang shot through his heart with every sob. Just… how much pain had they been in? He had never seen them so emotional, but he wondered just how much of it they hid from him. Was this why… why he made that promise?

Sol continued to sob into his chest. They were trying to speak but their cries made it difficult. Dys shushed them quietly, urging them not to talk until they were done. He rocked his partner back and forth as they stood there, nothing else mattering to them except their embrace.

Through their broken breaths and sobs, Dys heard Sol say, “You remember.”

“I do,” he confirmed. “I don’t know how, but I do.” He kissed the side of Sol’s head, but he knew it wasn’t enough to convey what he was feeling. He pulled away from Sol enough so he could cup their face with both hands. He wiped at their remaining tears with his thumbs then kissed their forehead. “I’m not going anywhere,” he mumbled against their skin. He ducked his head down to kiss Sol, sweet and slow. Everything Sol deserved and more. “Not now. Not ever again.”

“Thank you.” Sol repeated the words like a prayer as Dys held them close again. Their relief and joy was everything to him.

He’d never let them go. Never again.

Notes:

Just a little blurb I created as a small sequel to the original. It wasn't as long as I thought I'd make it, but I liked the idea, so I ran with it.

Notes:

Not gonna lie, I also teared up writing this one. I have so many Dys/Sol/Sym ideas in my head it's worrying. But it's how I cope with this. Let me know what you guys think!