Work Text:
“I've seen colder”
Tony was always worried, there were always dozens of different things that bothered him, fears that kept haunting him, especially when night fell, when the warmth of the sun no longer warmed him
Then he saw doom, saw the end of humanity, where everything was doomed only he remained, standing motionless watching the people he loved fall, he knew he could try harder, he had to try harder if he wanted to protect them
"I see a suit of armor around the world"
He wanted that if the sun couldn't reach them, he would do everything he could to make his light do it for him
His world, how big it sounded, but what did people call him? A selfish man, so it only included a few little people, his entire family
"Like the old man said... Together"
Ultron was a nightmare, he was devastating, cold-blooded and his heart was dyed black with ambition, he was his greatest enemy, but Tony never admitted that deep down, he knew how much he resembled him. He would never feel enough, the line between genius and madman was like a thin cloth, enough to separate them but not thick enough to prevent intrusion
"Tony, any updates?"
Steve's voice over the walkie-talkie pulled him back to reality, the whole city was hovering and its altitude showed no signs of stopping, yet he could still be so distracted
“Nothing much, Cap”
The red armor flew straight up, punched a hole below the core and crawled inside. The complex structure of the internal equipment made him pause, his eyes narrowed slightly
“*You know, if this works, we maybe don't walk away”
(*Before this Steve once said “You get hurt, hurt 'em back. You get killed, walk it off”. Which Tony meant that he hoped after all of this ended nobody would be gone)
Then suddenly a huge pressure pressed on him, Tony cursed, now this floating lump of earth is falling, great heaven!
“Thor, on my mark”
He glared at the source of energy in front of him, his breathing seemed to stop, his heart pounding couldn't hide the feeling of fear, but still, he ignored the churning feeling in his stomach and ignored all of Friday's warnings
“Now!”
Thor immediately slammed the hammer down, creating a breakthrough energy wave, combined with his repulsor ray, causing the entire block of land to instantly explode. Everything crumbled and dissolved into fine dust, Tony was thrown out of the explosion, the armor went out of control with a series of warnings ringing in his ears, his eyes blurred and hurt from the bright white light causing him to immediately shut them close tightly
“Fuck it-”
The armor was falling freely in the air. Tony tried to open his eyes again but his eyelids seemed to be stuck together and couldn't be able to separate it. His head throbbed and the world around him was spinning, he might also seemed to smell rust from the liquid flowing from his eyes
“Stark? What?! You didn't say that you would also get affected by it!”
Thor looked at the falling red armor in confuse before he roared as he realized something was wrong
“What? Tony??!”
Steve exclaimed in panic in the walkie-talkie, and it seemed like a few others, but he couldn't hear anymore, his head beeping and he felt consciousness slowly leaving him. Another jet black armor flew up to him and accurately caught him in mid-air, holding him tightly as if afraid that he would fall
“I've got him. Tony's injured, I repeat, Tony's injured. I'll bring him back to the mansion, c'mon Tones”
Oh, it was his old friend who, as if a little reassured by Rhody's whispers, he gradually let the darkness before him swallow him
.
.
.
When his consciousness returned to Tony again, the first thing he felt was the strong smell of antiseptic around him, great, hospital, the thing he hated the most in the world. The next thing he felt was that every muscle in his body was extremely sore and something was wrapping around his eyes
It was very noisy around him, there were so many different overlapping noises that made his head want to explode, normally everything was as noisy as this? Why did he feel it was especially noisier now than usual?
Tony stirred and propped himself up with his elbows, and at the same time many voices rang out in unison, with arms reaching out and supporting his back, the cloth covering his eyes so that he couldn't see anything that made him extremely uncomfortable
“Thanks God, you're awake, Tony!”
God blesses America, Pepper was here too? Tony hoped he didn't cause her any other heart attack
“Tones, you're awake”
And Rhodes, who caught him before his facade landed unceremoniously, would've been not so beautiful
“Tony...”
And Steve of course, God, he wasn't ready to hear his doctrine about how much he had taken the risk. And well, so he was sure that everyone he could think of was also here. What was so serious, he was still alive here and there
"Tony, first I need you to calm down and hear me say what's coming, okay?"
"Calm down what? What's to be calm about? Couldn't it... Did we lose?!"
Tony exclaimed in panic, no way, he was sure it would succeed, there was no reason why it would fail, where he had gone wrong after all-
"No, Tony, we won, there's damage but it wasn't significant.."
"Then what? Dammit, are we playing blind man's bluff? This shit is so annoying!"
And before anyone could stop him, Tony lost all patience and reached up and pulled down the cloth covering his eyes. Unlike he expected, he wasn't blinded by the sudden light, nor did he catch the eyes looking at him, he... Saw nothing. All that was in front of him was a pitch black, not single color
"And now we're playing guessing in the dark? I don't have time for this, I have to hear what this old man is going to say that is so serious. Friday, turn on the lights"
A few seconds passed and the lights still didn't come on, Tony felt everyone's eyes on him, he felt pity inside it even though he didn't know why, but it made him very, very uncomfortable
"Friday"
He called again, a grumbling sensation rising in his stomach, he had a very bad premonition, it made his nerves tense
"The lights are always on, Boss"
His heart skipped a beat, he felt like he couldn't breathe, though he couldn't see it, but Tony knew he was opening his eyes wide, along with a very unsightly expression. People didn't naturally call him a genius, he certainly knew what it meant
"That's exactly what I was going to tell you, Tony..."
Steve's voice rang softly again, sounding soft and fragile, and he could hear the bitterness in his voice. The eyes are an important door for scientists, it helps them see their inventions, helps them bring their ideas into reality. Steve looked at him intently, watching the fluctuations in the genius's soon-to-be-lightless eyes
"Well, it's just can't see anymore, what are you guys doing so seriously about"
Tony looked up at everyone, he looked casual and calm, different from what everyone thought, as if not being able to see anything anymore was a very normal thing
"You don't have to act like it's nothing, Tony. We all know it's as important to you as-"
"Come on, Miss multi-talented spy, I appreciate you caring about me but I'm absolutely fine, do I look like I'm not?"
Tony spread his arms to his sides, grinning widely, if except for his lifeless eyes, he looked like the usual arrogant Tony Stark they saw everyday
Everyone chatted with him for a while and then left one after another after telling him things like taking care, but there's only one didn't say anything, or at least said very little, even though he should have been the one who said the most —Steve, his liked to preach his moral theory— boyfriend
He was always looking at him, watching his every move, he always felt his warm gaze on him, always helping him whenever he wanted a drink or needed to do something. Everyone had left soon, including Pepper, whom he had to convince for 10 minutes to reluctantly leave, so now only Tony and Steve remained, though he was still looking at him and saying nothing, he wondered if he would even blink
"Tony..."
"I thought you'd keep staring at me like that for the rest of the day"
Tony heard him sighed heavily, his hand was grasped by a rough and large hand, then another hand took it, he pulled his hand up and Tony felt the warmth as Steve kissed his knuckles, this caused his throat to tighten slightly
"I'm so sorry..."
His voice rang softly, the hands that were enveloping his trembled slightly, he was still kissing his fingers reverently
"What's this again, tell me why you're apologizing for my play, Captain?"
If you just heard Tony Stark admit his risk, no, you didn't. Steve didn't answer him right away, he mused
"If I had thought of a better, less dangerous way, I could have saved everyone, I could have saved you..."
"And I'm still here, aren't I? As strong as a buffalo except that one of my senses strikes. Hmm, but in return the other senses will be more sensitive, I think?"
Steve didn't say anything after that, just sat there in silence, staring at him for a long time, Tony just didn't know how many times the corners of Steve's eyes had risen to a thin layer of mist and then quickly dissipated when he looked into those lifeless and milky eyes of his
.
Tony was discharged the next morning because he couldn't stand the smell of hospital sanitizer for another moment. He had to ask Steve's help with everything, including moving, which was really unfamiliar to someone as used to doing things alone as he was
And it got even worse when they both got to the mansion. Tony kept bumping into every corner of the house, spilling at least 3 potted plants along with a tank of 2 cups as he was trying to make himself a cup of coffee, and he even almost poured a 100°C pitcher of boiling water into his hand before Steve came and helped him with it
And it seemed bad enough, until he realized one thing, there was nothing he could do with his inventions. How could he pick up a tool to repair when he didn't even know its location? Yes, he could get Friday to do it, but she could only do the basics pre-programmed, and now he couldn't even upgrade her
Maybe it wasn't as bad as Tony thought, it was just that things suddenly got so much harder even the basics, and the fact that he had to ask others for help with everything, even though they didn't complain, which was what gave him a headache
Everyone gradually treated him like a porcelain doll, only afraid that the strong movement would immediately break. He hated it, he hated being seen as weak, he was always seen as strong, independent and arrogant. Now he was nothing more than a useless man, a burden to all, now he didn't know if he had the right to be arrogant or not
Steve understood all his thoughts, understood the deepest thoughts in his heart. The climax was when Tony burst into sobs in his lap the night after 2 days of discharge from the hospital, tears didn't stop falling, hiccups mixed with inaudible complaints. He just quietly patted him, whispering sweet words into his lover's ear, Tony may or may not know, Steve's heart soon broke when he saw him suffer so much
Then Tony got used to it, day after day, week after week and month after month, getting used to not being able to see, getting used to the darkness that always covered his eyes, getting used to Steve's help, he leaning on him, trusting him, and almost surrendered his whole life to his holding. One afternoon, as they were relaxing on the sofa together, months had passed when that event happened, Tony was resting his head on Steve's lap and he was gently stroking his hair, Tony casually joked:
"You know, even though I can't see the sun now, I have you instead, a sun of my own"
Steve smiled softly at him, his eyes filled with love, but in the depths of that blue ocean, there was a mysterious black sea
"I'm willing to give you my light just so you can be enlightened, Tony..."
"That's cheesy, old man"
Tony just chuckled, not paying too much attention to Steve's implicit statement
... He should have noticed it sooner
It was a clear morning like any other, Tony was trying to discern the instruments in his lab when Steve walked in. The smell of coffee immediately came and attracted him, Tony turned to Steve and smiled, accepted the coffee he handed him, and pulled him down to give him a passionate kiss before taking a refreshing sip of coffee
Steve seemed quieter than usual, since Tony couldn't see anymore, he always talked a lot because he knew he couldn't see his actions, so he incorporated more words instead. Then, less than 5 minutes before Tony found his head spinning, his limbs squirming, his body staggering, almost falling. Steve took him into his arms, his firm embrace as tender as ever, but what was this? Why did Steve drug him?
"Steve...?"
He didn't answer him, picked him up and walked out of the room, his head resting on his chest, his bones furrowed in question, he tried to call out to him a few more times as his consciousness dimmed with each passing minute, but what he got back was silence
"I'm sorry"
It was all Tony heard before his consciousness completely blurred
.
.
.
Tony woke up again, the smell of antiseptic was the first thing he felt, and to his surprise, his eyes were covered by a cloth, again. God, he hated this, hated the bad premonition that was screaming inside him. He tried to pull down the cloth in exasperation, but before he could do so, a voice stopped him,
"If I were you, I wouldn't do that."
"Nat? What are you doing here? And does it explain anything about why I'm in this damn place again?"
He dropped his hand, something in Natasha's words that made him feel like she wasn't joking
"Maybe yes, maybe no"
“I am dead serious, where is Steve? The last time I saw him was when he was trying to turn me into Aurora”
Tony felt something different, something he still didn't know, a big change that affected him
"I can tell you, but I think it's better to let you find out for yourself. Stay put, I'll call someone to check on you"
"Check what? What's wrong with me? Oh c'mon, Nat, don't leave me!"
He cried out in displeasure as he heard her footsteps fade away. What's going on? Why was he in the hospital? Where's Steve? Why did he act like that? And as Nat said, she and a doctor came back and examined him, they said something about his eyes but he was too lost in his thoughts to notice and people used to call him impatient, and he always will, he ignored the doctor's instructions, grabbed the corner of the cloth and pulled it down to the doctor's panicked shouts
And Tony immediately closed his eyes from the glare, yes, he was glared, by the light, which he thought he would never feel again in his life. He blinked a few times and tried to open his eyes again, he tried to force himself to open his eyes despite the pain it brought. He didn't see clearly, but it was clear that he was seeing, seeing things around him with his own eyes. Tony fell into a deep depression, he clenched his teeth, his hands clutching the sheets to the point of wrinkling, he was piecing together the details of his head, and the clearer it was, the tighter it made his heart clench
"Tell me that the truth is not what I thought it would be. That someone donated my corneas, anyone, and not that idiot"
"I hate you looking like this but I can't lie to you, Tony, he doesn't want that either, it's just that if he tells you, you'll let him do it?"
"Where is that guy?"
"You still need some more rest—"
"Where is he!"
To his stubbornness, she only agreed to lead him to him. Steve's room was one floor away from him, and when he arrived, he didn't knock and directly kicked the door open. Even though Steve knew he was coming he couldn't help but startled slightly, Nat was busy explaining to everyone that they weren't terrorists or deliberately sabotaging
Tony stood in the doorway, staring at the person on the bed, Steve was laying there, looking in his direction but with a white cloth around his eyes. He was smiling softly, like he was ready for any scolding from him
Tony gritted his teeth and walked casually towards him, slamming down on the bed before he shouted:
“ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND, STEVE?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING!!”
"Tony, can you lower your voice first? There are people around—"
"I don't give a shit about that!"
Steve reached out and cupped his face, gently rubbing it hoping it could calm Tony. And then he felt his fingers get wet, he fumbled his eyes and his fingers were soaked with hot droplets, Steve wrinkled slightly, cupping his face with both hands tenderly
"Tony, don't cry..."
"You idiot, why would you do that, I don't need your damn eyes!—"
"I've told you before, I'm willing to give you my light, just so you can be enlightened again.."
Tears welled up in his eyes, the feeling of wanting to bring this whole family to curse, and not being able to resist that the light he was getting was his. Tony approached, his hands hesitantly pulling down the white cloth, revealing the eyes behind him, the blue ocean now reduced to an opaque white mist. He resisted the urge to beat this idiot to death
"Tony, I don't want you to feel upset about this, much less blame yourself, I did this completely voluntarily, I did it because I love you, Tony"
"How are you going to do, being unable to see, I know how horrible it was, how can you even able to take care of yourself—"
"Yes, it's a little harder to take care of myself now, but I'm not worried, because I have you, Tony, haven't I?"
Tony's eyes widened, the proximity allowing him to see Steve's face clearly, even though his eyes had lost focus, not losing the tenderness it had always had for him
"I know how important eyes are to you, Tony. Although I have said it many times, your eyes are really beautiful, I can spend all day just looking at them. But... Your eyes are so much more than that, I'm a little sorry that I can't look at them from now on, but if that way the light can come back to you again, I forever won't regret it"
Tony buried his face in Steve's neck, his arms wrapped around him, why was his love for him so great? What had he done to get this man in his life?
"We'll take care of each other forever. I vow to offer the light of my life just so you can see the sun again, Tony"
Steve lifted Tony's face, letting him look into his eyes, it contained only great love for him. He kissed his eyelids respectfully
"Let me be the sun that shines for you for the rest of your life, my dear"
End
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