Work Text:
Kevin liked to work on his car because it kept his hands busy and his mind off the energy pulsating around him. In the wires that run through the house, the city. It kept him from wondering how it would feel if he gave into his cravings and absorbed a bit of energy, not a lot; just a little bit to send a thrill to through the sinews of his body.
Kevin Levin has never denied he was an addict.
The cravings hadn’t consumed him as much as it had tonight in so long that he had almost began to forget what he was around Gwen. Being encased in matter gave him a different kind of high, a duller one. Stainless steel was the closest he could get to the high energy gave him because stainless steel was an electrical conductor. He’d never told Gwen that was why he chose to absorb it most of the time during their fights. There were certain things they just didn’t talk about, it was easier that way.
He laid on the garage creeper and slid under the car. The look of confusion that had been etched in her features as her mana moved from her body to his, it would forever be engraved in his mind. She had taken it back but the damage had been done. Gwen had trusted him not to absorb anyone, not to hurt her and yet again he had drained some of her mana like he had in the arcade when they were teenagers.
Kevin hadn’t meant to. It simply happened and he didn’t know why, that was what bothered him the most.
Tonight was supposed to be a happy one. Finally, they had alone time after being on opposite sides of the galaxy and this was what happened.
“Kevin?” He heard a door open. “Are you willing to talk to me now?” He sighed and slid out from underneath the car but he wouldn’t look at her. Kevin could feel her though. He remembered how her mana had tasted. So strong, so powerful. “Come on, Kevin, please look at me.”
Kevin did what she asked because he always did what Gwen asked.
Gwen stood in front of him in a pair of shorts and one of his t-shirts. Usually, he liked it when she wore his clothes but tonight it just broke his heart. She was fidgeting with the sleeves. He could tell she didn’t know what to say next but that was okay. He didn’t know what to say either. Kevin felt any apology he could give would be worthless and he had given up after the last three attempts.
He couldn’t forgive himself for what he had done.
Gwen dropped down to the garage floor and folded her legs underneath herself. Kevin sat up on the creeper and for the longest time they just stared at each other then Gwen leaned forward to brush his face with her fingers.
Kevin flinched. “Don’t touch me,” His voice cracked over the words. “I don’t want to take more of you.”
Gwen cocked her head to the side, a look of concentration on her face. Kevin knew that look. It was the same look she had when she was trying to figure out a new spell. She was looking at him as though he was a puzzle and he hated it. Before tonight Kevin was sure Gwen was certain no one knew him the way she did and she would have been right. She was right. He hated that she was questioning that.
“I took it right back.”
Kevin sighed. He had never been good with words but for this conversation he needed to be. He needed Gwen to understand it wasn’t as simple as her being able to draw the mana back from him.
It was the principle of the thing, that he had slipped up enough to hurt her in their house.
“You say that like what happened is not a big deal,” Kevin was trying hard to keep his temper in check. It wasn't Gwen he was angry at. She didn’t deserve to receive the brunt of that anger. “As though me absorbing energy is not a one-way ticket to crazy town. What happens when I lose control and take more next time? I don’t even know why lost control, Gwen.”
She gave him a small smile. “Do you plan on draining me?” Her question came out in gentle voice but underneath he could hear her worry. Good. At least she was taking this seriously.
“This is not funny.”
She reached out to touch him again and this time Kevin let her. Her hand stayed atop his hand as she spoke; “You are right. I am sorry,” She gave his hand a small squeeze. “I am not going to pretend what happened didn’t throw me,” Kevin winced. “But we’ve been together for years and nothing like this has ever happened. Sometimes, mistakes happen.”
He wanted to interject and state he had drained her before, when he absorbed energy from the Ultimatrix but he had no memories of what her mana had tasted like. Maybe that’s why it had been easier. Besides, Gwen didn’t like to bring up that time in their relationship. She always maintained it wasn’t him. It was the power. Sometimes, the Kevin Gwen saw only existed in her head because it had been him, power crazed but the monster was still him.
That was why he tried so hard to be the best version of himself because he liked the Kevin Gwen saw when she looked at him.
“Mistakes for normal couples is forgetting an anniversary not almost killing your girlfriend.” Kevin said, getting off the creeper.
“You weren’t going to kill me,” Gwen replied and Kevin shot her an incredulous look. “Don’t give me that look. You might not remember but I do and you tried to stay away from me, you gave me a chance to get away from you.”
“Well, today is another day and another fuck up.”
Gwen moved a hand in front of her. Usually her hand was encased in mana when she made that cutting movement. His confusion lasted for a moment because Kevin felt a tugging sensation in his limbs as though all the blood was rushing towards it. It didn’t hurt, it was only uncomfortable. Gwen put her hand down and the discomfort ceased. “Anodite here, I can draw energy from living things. I could drain you too.”
“It’s not the same and you know it.” Kevin hissed.
“It was a mistake. We can figure it out. We will figure it out.”
Gwen was on her feet, making her way towards him.
“What if?” He hated sounding so small, so scared. “What if we can’t? Everyone already thinks I am a monster. They were so quick to believe I was the last time this happened and they will if they know I absorbed power again.”
“I don’t think you are monster,” She said softly. “You are simply Kevin. You know, my boyfriend who can fix any piece of alien tech in the universe.”
He gave a small laugh, still wary of touching her.
Gwen was burning so incredibly hot next to him. So much energy. He hated that he was at the point where he was thinking of her as energy.
Kevin supposed you never stopped being an addict, you just learnt to control your impulses.
“Your mana,” Kevin began and hoped the truth didn’t destroy their relationship irreparably. “It felt so good, the high was nothing I have felt before,” He looked up at the ceiling. “It’s crazy because you are standing here and I see two things; you and the energy. I don’t want to see you that way, Gwen. I don’t want to have to treat you the same I treat electricity. With caution.”
Gwen moved closer. She was insane but he had always known that she was on some level. “I can’t make this better for you and I hate it. But I need you to remember I don’t hold this against you,” She paused. “Remember when we got into that fight with Dagon and I totally lost all sense of perspective,”
“Yeah,” Kevin knew why she was bringing that day up. It had been a mess all round for everyone.
“I wasn’t going to revert back to my human form. I didn’t want to,” Gwen said. She’d never told him that before. “Pulling mana from all the living beings around me gave me a headache but I saw such a different world that suddenly being human was boring. I understood what Veradona meant. The point is I wouldn’t still be human if it wasn’t for you. Second time you kept me from losing myself to my Andoite self.”
“That’s not true. I always knew you were going to change back. You wanted to see that microscope way too much.”
“Then why can’t you believe me when I say the same thing? That you won’t absorb me.”
“Because you have control over your power. Anodites are meant to be feed by mana. Osomoians are supposed to stay the hell away from energy,”
“So? We’ve made it work so far.”
“You are not listening,” Kevin yelled. He hadn’t mean to but he was frustrated. “I can’t lose you, Gwen.”
“You are not going to. You would see that if you would just listen to me.”
Gwen was stubborn. It was one of the things he liked about her. She always stood up for what she believed in. He was trying to run away and she was having none of it. Gwen wrapped her arms around his waist. It was like being hugged by a ball of burning fire. He wondered if she would feel different if in her Anodite form. Like how he felt different when he consumed energy as opposed to being encased in matter.
“I am scared and worried of what I might do to you. Usually, I know how much of you I can handle before it gets too much. I have no idea how this happened.”
Ordinarily, Kevin could handle a lot of Gwen, both in her human and Anodite forms. It didn't used to be like that but living together had helped.
With her head buried in his chest she said; “Hey, is it possible the distance messed up your tolerance? Remember when we started going out and there were literal sparks?”
He groaned and looked down at her. “Babe do you see you pathetic that is? We get separated because of work and suddenly I have the urge to eat you.”
“Why are you acting like you never done that before?” Gwen asked with a raised eyebrow. Kevin resisted the urge to laugh and failed. Maybe when he got his cravings under control, he could go back to thinking of Gwen that way. “It’s not pathetic. It’s just who we are.”
“That’s what I am having a hard time accepting.”
“Well, take as long as you accept that I am not going anywhere and what happened tonight doesn’t matter. I am all good,“ Gwen replied and took a step back.
“Thank you, Gwen.”
He couldn’t lose her. He didn’t think he would survive that.
“Going to work on the car some more?”
“Yeah, I might or might not have swiped some level six tech from the Forever Knights.”
Gwen smiled than leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek. Kevin’s eyes widened. It didn’t feel like energy touching him. It felt like Gwen. “Sure thing. Take as much as time as you need with the car.” She added before heading back inside the house.
Kevin got back on the creeper and slid underneath the car. Kevin liked to work on his car because it kept his hands busy and his mind off the energy pulsating around him. Gwen hadn’t felt like energy before she left, he had felt human skin against his. Kevin loved her so much and that was why he would never let what happened tonight happen again; Gwen would never be a ball of bright energy against skin again.
Never again.
She was too good for that.