Divine Grandparents

by NoctisVonReturnsis

Summary:

Two weeks after Adams's death God returns from His vacation only to find His first man dead and Heaven and Hell being dangerously close to war. Oh, and finding out that He had a granddaughter was shocking too. For all those reasons God has decided to visit hell to fix the situation.

Meanwhile, the Root of All Evil starts to panic when Her plans start to get ruined by Her granddaughter's hotel so she decides to visit her and teach Her how to be a real princess of Hell. Now if only Her Ex wasn't there.

Now Charlie has to deal with her Family's drama while also trying to redeem the new sinners.

This is a tale of divine love, hate, family reconciliation and redemption.

Chapter 1: Drunk Rememberance

It had been two weeks since Adams's death and to say things were going well for the Hazbin Hotel would be an understatement. New residents have been pouring in thanks to the news of the defeat of the Excorsists army much to Charlie's excitement. This day was calm as nothing really interesting happened except for Niffty getting stuck in a toilet again.

Right now everyone else was doing their own things to pass the time. Charlie was on a date with Vaggie and Niffty was with Alastor doing hell knows what. So it was just Angel Dust, Husk, Cherri Bomb and Lucifer guarding the fort. Needless to say, all of them were drinking like the greatest drunks in history and started to talk about their pasts which made all drink more. "So that's how I got into that whole scene." Angel Dust said as Husk refilled his glass.

"Man Angie no offense but you telling tales of your Ol' man makes me glad I never met mine!" Cherri said getting a laugh from Lucifer.

"Yeah my parents might not have been the best but at least they had an excuse of being the first ones in existence!" His laugh subsided when he noticed that everyone was staring at him. "What?" He asked chuckling nervously.

"Parents? As in plural?" Husk asked with a raised eyebrow.

Lucifer's face blanched as he realized what he said. "Oh shit." He muttered.

"God fucks?!" Angel Dust asked with the biggest shit-eating grin he ever had. His question caused Cherri to start laughing and then coughing as she accidentally inhaled her vodka while Husk just stared at Angel.

"WHY WOULD YOU PUT THAT IMAGE INTO MY HEAD?!" Lucifer yelled trying to not picture that.

"You didn't answer the question." Angel's said his smirk only growing.

Lucifer groaned into his hands before grabbing the whiskey bottle from Husk and downing its contest down his throat. "I guess He does? I mean we never talked about it before I fell and I haven't seen him or Mom since Eden. Well except for that time in that desert but that wasn't really Him."  He said awkwardly.

"If you don't mind me asking why isn't your mum mentioned in the Bible?" Cherri asked as she finally stopped coughing.

Lucifer cringed. "Well uh, she did show up in it only she was mostly confused for me or Satan." He explained awkwardly trying to not remind himself of what Azrael told him about what happened to Mom.

"Wait a fucking minute how could She be confused for you or Satan?" Husk asked with a raised eyebrow as he refilled their glasses.

Lucifer groaned before he looked straight into the cat demon's eyes. "I have no idea but from what I heard from my brothers She and Dad. broke up."He said before taking another sip from his glass.

They all quieted down for a few minutes after that but eventually the silence was broken by Angel Dust. "Were they good parents?" He asked his voice full of genuine curiosity.

Lucifer sighed. "As I said they weren't the best but then again they were the first parents in existence so I think they did fine. Dad was always more focused on creating the universe but He did allow us to contribute though the bastard always had something to criticize about our creations. And mom was kind but She always focused her time on raising my younger siblings though she was on my and Lilith's side during the whole Eden fiasco." He explained.

Husk's expression turned into a thoughtful one. "Do you think that God will retaliate for Adams's death?" He asked a small hint of fear in his voice which caused Angel and Cherri to get slightly worried too.

Lucifer thought about it for a few seconds before shaking his head and replying. "He would have already had if he was in heaven but from what Charlie told me Sera was in charge so that means that either He was too busy to greet His only fucking granddaughter which I wouldn't say is unlike the bastard or more likely that He is on one of His vacations on earth right now which is giving us time to prepare for His return which gives us at least three more years," Lucifer explained before he added. "Don't worry I am preparing some plans for when He comes back. Anyways now tell us about your shitty parents Husk!" This made Husk groan and Angel and Cherri laugh. Little did Lucifer know how wrong he was about when God was coming back.

 

Chapter 2: A Premature Return

Summary:

God returns to heaven and puts out some fires...

The conference room overflowed with attendees. In Emily's relatively brief existence, it had never been so crowded. The last time it reached this capacity was during Operation Good Shepherd, centuries before her birth. God appeared weary, more so than the last ten times Emily had seen Him. She could discern His fatigue even as Hestia gave her briefing on the situation. Throughout, God's gaze lingered on Sera, who sat quietly in her chair. Occasionally, His eyes shifted to Lute or the other angels present.

Once Hestia concluded her briefing, God smiled at her."Thank you, Hestia."  He then turned back towards Sera. "Sera when I left Heaven I expected that upon my return everything would be going as normal. The Winners would be asking me questions about existence, Saint Peter would still be singing that Me Awful song as reparation to Moses for losing their prank war. So you can guess my surprise that upon my return I found the families of sinners nearly revolting AND my first man deader than he should be. But I thought you would have done some damage control but NO you didn't." God's voice was calm as always but Emily could tell that He was hiding His true feelings.

"Your Holiness, I can explain!" Sera's voice quivered with fear, but God raised His hand, silencing her.

"No, you can't. I can discern that even with my omniscience turned off," God remarked firmly. "You're aware that Eve here has had to fulfill YOUR duties for the past two weeks while you've been preoccupied with something else. You owe her gratitude." He cast a glance at Eve, who had been fixated on Lute since the meeting commenced. In turn, Lute reciprocated her gaze.

"Thank you, Eve," Sera said, her voice quivering.

"You're welcome, Sera," Eve replied, her eyes briefly flickering towards Sera before returning to Lute. "Could you please tell me who killed my husband?"

"It was some demon bitch," Lute replied, her eyes glancing at her newly regrown arm which still bore the scars of her last battle. "But rest assured, justice will be served."

Before Emily could protest, God laughed. "Oh, thank you, Lute, for reminding me! Would you mind telling me WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL EXISTENCE YOU WERE DOING IN HELL SIX MONTHS EARLY?!" God's voice boomed, causing the entire room to tremble.

Emily froze. "You knew about extermination day?" Her voice quivered hoping as she desperately hoped she heard wrong.

God glanced at her his eyes softening. "My child I was the one who authorized it."

“Why?” Emily asked quietly tears in her eyes.

“Hell was overpopulating, and since I can bring them back wherever I want, Michael convinced me that it was the best course of action," God explained calmly. The reaction was almost instant. Most other Angels glanced at each other while Eve smirked, Sera had the same expression on her face from when Sir Pentious got redeemed and Lutes's face was full of very unheavenly emotions. God then coughed into his hand. "Now back to my question if you don't mind Lute?"

Lute swallowed hard, her emotions still roiling beneath the surface. "They killed one of the Exorcists, Your Holiness. Adam deemed it imperative to cull their numbers before the information spread and the demons attempted another uprising," she explained.

"That almost sounds like a good idea!" Eve said with a laugh. "But you do know that assassinations are a thing, right?"

"It was Adam's idea, ma'am," Lute said through her teeth.

"Well, I am the smarter of the two of us, so I shouldn't be surprised, Danger Tits," Eve retorted with a smirk, causing Lute to blush. "That's right Adam tells me everything." Eve continued and it seemed like she was about to say something else but a cough interrupted her.

"Yeah, sorry to interrupt whatever this is, but we have more important things to discuss, like what to do if Lucifer decides to pull a Mandela Catalogue on our asses!" David yelled. Some angels shuddered at the mention of THAT series, but the rest rolled their eyes Emily included. It was totally inaccurate after all.

God groaned. "David you have to stop watching religious horror it's not good for you." David pouted but nodded. "Anyways tell me why Lucifer got involved, the treaty doesn't permit him to interfere unless the Excorsists attack Hellborn and you wouldn't do something like that..." God trailed off as Lute avoided his gaze. "You did. Of course, you did. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!" God cursed which shocked everyone. "Please tell me that there is some good news or I swear to me that I will do something we will all regret!"

"A sinner got redeemed!" Emily yelled, causing everyone to turn to her, most with wide eyes.

"Emily, I told you not to—" Sera began before she was suddenly enveloped in a flash of divine light. When it disappeared, Sera was without a mouth. Emily turned back to see God staring straight at Sera, pure fury in His eyes.

"Sera, you were planning on keeping the redeemed sinner a secret, weren't you?" It wasn't a question. God was stating a fact. "Emily, you are now the head Seraphim until the rest of them finish their work. Sera, you will assist Emily until I return. Depending on your behavior, I may show mercy," He commanded. Then, He turned towards Lute and Eve. "Lute, the Exterminations are being put on hold indefinitely. Eve, you are in charge of the Exorcists for now, understood?" Both women nodded, Lute adding a salute though her emotions were conflicted. God turned towards Hestia. "Hestia, I want EVERYTHING we know about our new friend to be researched. We need to know if this wasn't a fluke." Hestia nodded with a warm smile before teleporting out of the room, some angels following her. "David, I want every resident of Heaven to know that redemption may be possible and that I can resurrect the souls killed by the Exorcists." David nodded, already texting his subordinates to inform them about the news. "Now, Emily, I want to know everything you know about how this sinner got redeemed," God said with a small smile. And so, Emily began telling the tale Sir Pentious told her.

One Season of Explanations Later.

"I have a granddaughter."

"Yes, your holiness."

"From Lucifer?"

"Yes sir."

"And she wants to redeem sinners using a hotel."

"That is correct sir."

"Adam tried to kill her? Why! Wait no I know why because of Lilith right?"

"Because of Lilith."

"Me dammit Adam. Wait she is dating a fallen exorcist right? How did that happen?! Only I can make somebody fall."

"Well Sir Pentious doesn't know the details but Lute and Adam were involved."

"Of course they were. You know what I need to see this hotel for myself." God said as he stood up. "Emily if anything happens that needs my attention pray and I will come." With that God disappeared in a flash of light.

Emily sighed before smiling. "Well, that went better than expected."

Notes:

So God is on his way to the hotel. Also yeah God can bring back the dead sinners but there is a way to permamently kill them.

Next time: Roo shows up!

Chapter 3: The Root of things

Summary:

Roo decides to start some fires

The Root of All Evil was humming to herself the first song that was ever created as she worked on her garden. Even she needed hobbies after all torturing the souls of the dead Overlords got boring after a few centuries. Then she felt the tug. One of her pets was using HER power. Intrigued, The Root of All Evil halted her gardening, her expression a mix of curiosity and annoyance. She swiftly honed in on the source of the power tug, her senses extending through the ethereal realm to pinpoint the culprit.

"Alastor...Of course." The Radio Demon was threatening more uninvited ´guests´ that Vox still kept throwing at the Hotel that her granddaughter still foolishly believed would work. She pitted the girl as much as she could anyway but the moment her granddaughter would give up would be the moment she would swoop in and help her see a true way to get things done. Having her help in conquering Heaven would be only a bonus. She shook those thoughts away. That was the future for now her garden needed adjustments.

But then she felt HIM. The sensation jolted her out of her reverie, causing her to forget about her plants entirely. With a move of her hand, she found herself in her sanctum, tapping into her true power to scan through all of Hell. There, she spotted Yahweh descending from the portal, sinners gazing at him with wide eyes.

"NONONONO! WHY IS HE HERE?! HE WILL RUIN EVERYTHING!" Roo exclaimed, panic gripping her as she contemplated her next move. What could have brought Yahweh here? He could resurrect Adam back in Heaven, but she would know if he tried that and he would send an Archangel to ease the tensions between Hell and Heaven. No, something big had to be at play, but what could it be?

"Wait a fucking minute..." she muttered to herself, a chill running down her spine as realization dawned upon her. Yahweh wasn't here to wreak havoc on her plans. He was asking for directions, not to Lucifer's palace, but to a certain Hotel. The implications hit her like a thunderbolt would an iron pole. The Hotel, her granddaughter's project, the very symbol of defiance against the traditional order of Heaven and Hell. It was all too clear now.

"The Hotel works..." Roo whispered, her voice barely audible over the rush of thoughts flooding her mind. The implications were staggering. If Yahweh, with all his power and influence, were to arrive at the Hotel, it could disrupt her carefully laid plans and unravel centuries of manipulation and strategy. Alastor, for all his prowess, wouldn't stand a chance against him, not without an extraordinary boost of power. But providing such assistance would inevitably tip off everyone, revealing her hand prematurely and possibly alienating Charlie, which was the last thing she needed right now.

"Unless I reveal myself first," she muttered to herself. Yes, that could work. As long as she controlled the narrative and didn't reveal her true intentions and laid some charms on Yahweh (As much as the idea brought too many bad memories), she could find out what his stance on this was and start to manipulate Lucifer and Charlie on her side. And who knows, maybe Yahweh would just give her the keys to Heaven and they could be fam—NO, THAT IS NOT AN OPTION!!!

Roo clenched her head in pain as her nature crashed against her desires, but she managed to regain control by tearing out her true self to rampage through the room until it calmed down enough for her to reabsorb it. It was a painful process, each shard of her being protesting as it was drawn back into the confines of her physical form.

As she composed herself, her eyes still trailing Yahweh as he made his way toward the Hotel, Roo knew that the game was afoot, and she was ready to play her hand. For a moment she pondered if she should inform Alastor on her pending arrival but she decided against it. She so enjoyed it when his pathetic attempts to break their deal.  

Notes:

So yeah a shorter chapter but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. Next time God arrives at the hotel and sings a song while we meet some of hotel guests

Chapter 4: The God of the Hour

Summary:

God arrives at the hotel and Charlie learns some family history...

Charlie was tired. Bone-tired. Ever since the last Extermination Day, the hotel had been filling with more sinners than she could handle. Sure, it was great for her mission, but it also meant she and the staff were working nonstop to keep everyone from murdering each other—again. At least no one had tried to kill anyone today. Yet.

She glanced around the hotel lobby, now packed with sinners of every imaginable (and unimaginable) shape and size. Some lounged on the sofas, chatting or staring blankly into space, while others argued, causing minor rumbles of chaos here and there. Vaggie was checking in yet another new guest at the front desk, her eye twitching with stress. Angel Dust was draped over an armchair, flirting with Husk, who looked far more interested in the whiskey swirling in his glass than in whatever nonsense Angel was spouting.

Then came a knock on the door—loud, almost musical in its rhythm, echoing through the hotel in a way that felt familiar, like déjà vu.

Charlie froze. That knock—it reminded her of when Alastor had first arrived, all charming smiles and dangerous energy. Her eyes narrowed as she walked to the door, bracing herself for whatever new chaos awaited. She pulled it open.

Standing there was a tall, slender figure wreathed in blue flames. He was dressed in an angelic uniform, though it looked slightly… off, like something out of date, or maybe custom-made. Before the figure could say a word, Charlie slammed the door shut.

"Fuck!" she groaned into her hands, already fumbling for her phone to call her dad. Whatever this was, it couldn’t be good.

Just as her fingers found Lucifer’s number, she felt warmth—a kind of warmth that didn’t belong here in Hell. Not the oppressive, choking heat of brimstone and fire, but something soft, like a summer breeze from a place that no longer existed in her world.

“That was rude.”

The unfamiliar voice made her spin around, and there he was—the blue-flame figure—now standing in the middle of the hotel lobby, calmly surveying his surroundings.

“B-but the door—” Charlie stammered.

He waved her off. “You’re Lucifer and Lilith’s daughter. I didn’t expect manners, but that was a bit much. I thought you’d at least inherited some of your mother’s politeness.”

The figure looked around the crowded lobby, taking in the sinners scattered throughout. When his gaze landed on Vaggie, his face lit up with a casual smile. “Oh, hello there, Vagatha! Or is it Vaggie now?”

Vaggie stared at him, wide-eyed. “Yeah… It’s Vaggie, sir,” she managed to say, clearly freaked out.

“Nice. Sorry for barging in like this, but with Adam’s death, I’ve been in a bit of a rush.” The flames that made up his form dimmed slightly as he exhaled. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to smite anyone. Haven’t done that in centuries.” He paused, then muttered under his breath, “Not since that whole Sodom and Gomorrah thing…”

Charlie blinked, trying to make sense of what was happening. Who was this guy? An angel? Why was he talking like this was a social call? And smite?!

The angel wandered farther into the lobby, nodding approvingly as he took in the décor. “This is quite the setup you’ve got here, Charlie.” He gave her a sideways glance. “The cleaning must be a nightmare, though. Whoever does it must be some sort of cleaning maniac.”

“Uh… Niffty,” Charlie replied, still confused as hell. "Wait, how do you know my name?"

The angel chuckled, making his way to the bar. “Oh, I know lots of things. But this bar... ugh. Way too tacky. Who stocked this? The Cat?”

Husk grunted from his spot at the bar, clearly unimpressed. “What’s it to ya, pal?”

“Hmm, thought so,” the angel muttered with distaste, flicking through the bottles. “Whiskey’s okay, though.” He poured himself a glass.

Charlie was still trying to process everything when the stair doors suddenly swung open. There, silhouetted in the fiery light of Hell, was none other than her father, Lucifer. His usually cocky grin faded as his gaze fell on the blue-flame figure.

“Oh, no. No, no, no,” Lucifer muttered, dragging a hand down his face. “Of all the times...”

The angel turned, raising his glass with a grin. “Sam!”

Lucifer cringed. “Don’t call me that.”

“Oh, come on, Samael! It’s your real name. You should embrace it.” The angel’s tone was teasing but carried an air of authority that made even Lucifer seem uncomfortable.

Charlie’s eyes darted between them. “Wait... Dad? You know this guy?”

Lucifer exhaled, looking more stressed than she’d ever seen him. “Charlie... meet your grandfather. God.”

Charlie's jaw hit the floor. “WHAT?!”

God chuckled, seemingly enjoying Lucifer’s discomfort. “Yep. Lucky for you, Charlie, I managed to calm Eve down about Adam’s death. She was about to go on a rampage, and trust me, you do not want to deal with a pissed-off Eve.”

Vaggie blinked, still in shock. “Eve? Oh shit that would have been bad.”

“Yup,” God said with a nod, taking a sip of his drink like this was all perfectly normal.

Before Charlie could respond, Alastor materialized from the shadows, that ever-present smile plastered on his face. “Ah, the Almighty Himself,” he purred. “What an honor to have you visit our humble little establishment.”

God raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. “Ah, Alastor, the Radio Demon. I’ve heard about you. Your mother speaks highly of you. Shame about the whole serial killer thing.”

Alastor’s grin faltered for a split second. “I—uh, well…”

“I’m sure she’s very proud,” God added with a wink.

Alastor’s smile returned, but it was more strained than usual.

The banter continued, with God making casual comments to various sinners in the room. Most were too stunned to respond, others—like Angel Dust—took it as an opportunity to flirt, which God responded to with amused but firm rejections. He gave compliments where he saw fit, except when he got to the bar again, which he still seemed to hate.

But then something changed. God’s light-hearted tone disappeared as he scanned the room, his brow furrowing. “Where’s Lilith?”

Lucifer stiffened. “She’s... uh... busy.”

God's eyes narrowed. “You don’t know where she is, do you?”

Before Lucifer could stammer out an excuse, one of the nearby sinners piped up, “How do you not know that? Aren’t you supposed to be, like... omniscient?”

God waved off the question, rolling his eyes. “I turned that off centuries ago. Knowing everything was boring. No surprises. Besides, it made family drama way less fun.” He shot a look at Lucifer. “You know, like the time you cucked Adam. Or when you tried to overthrow me.” His voice remained casual, but there was a sharp edge to it now.

Lucifer groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Do we really need to bring up the cucking part?”

God shrugged. “Hey, it’s history. You introduced sin to humanity. And then tried to pull a coup. It wasn’t exactly subtle, Sam.”

“Stop calling me that,” Lucifer muttered, looking very much like he wanted to sink into the floor.

Charlie, still reeling from the fact that her grandfather was at her hotel, stepped forward. “Wait, so what exactly do you want?”

God smiled warmly at her, the fire around him flickering gently. “Two things. First, I wanted to meet my granddaughter. You, Charlie.” His voice softened. “I had no idea you existed until very recently. It seems someone forgot to mention you.” He shot Lucifer a pointed look.

Lucifer crossed his arms defensively. “We’ve been busy.”

God ignored him and continued, “Second, I’m here to deal with this whole Adam situation before things spiral into another war between Heaven and Hell. Not exactly how I wanted to spend my month, but duty calls.”

Before Charlie could respond, God froze. His eyes widened for a brief moment, and Alastor, who had been quietly lurking in the background, did the same—though his grin remained plastered on his face.

A ripple of energy passed through the room.

Suddenly, the doors burst open again, and a new figure entered the hotel. This one was striking—tall, elegant, and radiating a different kind of energy. Unlike God’s blue flames, this newcomer was wrapped in an aura of deep crimson and shadow, her eyes blazing with ancient power. Her presence filled the room with a sense of unease and... something darker.

“Roo?” God muttered, his voice low.

The Root of All Evil stood before them, her lips curling into a tight smile. “Hello, Yahweh.”

Charlie blinked, completely lost. “What the fuck is happening?”

God sighed. “Charlie, meet my... wife.”

Charlie’s eyes went wide. “Wife?!”

Lucifer groaned. “Yeah, and my mother.”

The entire lobby fell silent. Every sinner, every demon, every resident of Hell collectively screamed the same thing:

“WHAT THE FUCK?!!!”

Notes:

Next time we continue from where we left off with Roo´s arrival ruining Alastors day...