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The straw that broke the camels back.
For Chuuya, that straw was so lost underneath everything else, he truly doesn't know when everything broke.
Maybe when the Sheep betrayed him.
Maybe when the Flags met their fate.
Maybe when Dazai left.
Or maybe, when Kyoka left.
In truth, there were too many possibilities that Chuuya doesn't think he will ever be able to tell. After the Sheeps betrayal, he lost his only solid footing and safety net. But then again, after being stabbed by one of those former members, maybe it wasn't so much of a safety net as he'd like to think.
And then came Verlaine. He had no ill will towards the man. Afterall, he and Verlaine are the only ones who will ever understand eachother. From one monster to another, he knew the extent monsters were willing to go to not lose their one remaining rope tying them to this world. It's just sad that the Flags had to be caught in between that.
Then Dazai left. His partner. Someone who he could be on equal ground with. The 'brains and the brawn'. Dazai and him were inseparable, as Chuuya would like to think. Chuuya saw Dazai as the only unmoving thing that remained. Yet, Chuuya was no match to Sasonoskue. Chuuya knew what attracted Dazai to Sasonoskue. The man who never killed despite his background. It was something novel to Dazai. Something that Chuuya had no way to compete with.
Sometimes, Chuuya found himself jealous of Dazai. He had friends despite being the demon prodigy. All Chuuya could do was look from afar and try to be greatful that Dazai found some sort of solace in his tormenting life.
Lastly, there was Kyoka. Admittedly, Chuuya and Kyoka were never close. They had seen eachother in passing and had a mutual understanding that they were just doing what they did to get by and there was no true malice in their actions. They were both taken under Kouyous wing and both treated better than many factions in the mafia. But with Kyokas departure, Chuuya lost his one remaining, unmoving tie. Kouyou had lost interest in him. In truth, he was glad Kyoka left. She was never ment to have blood as tainted as Chuuyas, and he could see that. Yet, with her departure, Chuuya no longer held anyones interest in anyone life.
Interest.
That seemed to be a reoccurring thing in his life.
Chuuya had always been described as loyal, unwavering and strong.
But never interesting.
Maybe that's why everything he ever had only stayed long enough to explore the extent of his use and never stay.
Chuuya went to Merusault the other day. He picked up the eyeliner once again after six years. He smiled as he remembered a friend who had spent nights trying to get him to sit still as he prodded at his eyes to make him look presentable for formal events. He remembers the laughs of four others in the room who didn't have to suffer through the same torture he had to.
He looked up into the mirror to see a tear track down his face and laughed at how much it could still hurt so many years later.
He remembers picking up the file Mori handed to him. An infiltration and rescue under Dazais command. He happily took on the mission, due to the mafia and ADA now being in a truce, maybe he could finally reconcile with Dazai and maybe get some closure.
And closure he did get.
Dazai wanted nothing to do with him.
Not then, not ever.
Really, he should of expected this.
Hes just stupid enough to catch feeling for the first person that ever shows him affection.
And that just so happens to be Dazai.
He ends up coughing up water six hours later that still hadn't left his system and a bottle of wine empty in his hand.
Everything feels so close yet so far.
His clothes feel like they are suffocating him yet he feels to light.
The walls feel like they are closing in yet he can't reach them.
His bones want to sink into the ground yet his mind wants to wander.
The wine isn't even working anymore.
He just wants to fly away.
Is this what Dazai felt like?
Chuuya finds himself on the roof of his apartment complex, legs dangling on the edge. He doesn't feel as weighed down now yet he can feel his body being dragged forward, the wind whipping through his hair.
It's nice.
Would he truly fly if he went forward like the wind wanted him to?
Albatross liked the wind. Lippmann not so much. He remembers the guy furiously combing his hair whenever they got off Albatrosses bike.
He also remembers Albatross talking about how the wind always just seemed so inviting whenever he went on a ride on his bike.
Chuuya knew the feeling.
But was it the same as Albatrosses?
Maybe if he followed the wind, he could find out.
He shuffles forward with stars in his eyes at the chance to experience the joys that his friend once did.
But then he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.
"Chuuya! Hi again! How are you?" A Childish voice called out. It was Q.
"Good..?" Last Chuuya checked, Q was still meant to be locked away in the Port Mafias basement.
"Very good!" The child said cheerfully, clapping their hands, "It's a lovely night tonight. Cloudless skies and an abundance of stars." They said dreamily.
Q grabbed a cigarette and lighter from their pocket, undoubtedly stolen from Hirotsu. The kid handed them to Chuuya, who greatfully accepted the offer.
"Hirotsu came to play with me today. He gave me some colouring books but that old hag Mori took him away from me after only a few minutes!" They yell angrily, crossing their arms and pouting.
Chuuya doesn't say anything to the kids but a small nod of his head and a small twitch of his lips proves he is listening to the kids words.
"Just the other day I met this lady down the road. Very nice lady actually, very must unlike the old sod upstairs!" They say with a giggle, "She makes the best cookies, you gotta believe me! If we ever meet again I'll get you some, just to prove it. Besides that, she's got a new bakery going on a few streets over and she's making new recipes at this very moment!" The determined smile they gave proved they weren't going back on their word and all Chuuya could do was give a small chuckle.
The kind smile the kid wears never faulters, even as the small warmth of the cigarette Chuuya was holding was stubbed out on the ledge of the building.
"The last subordinate I played with told me he used to be good friends with that lady before he murdered her family on a job." And their smile never dims still, even after talking about something so morbid.
After a few moments of silence, Q continues.
"I have an offer, just for you. So think of yourself as extra special! Well, more like Hirotsu has an offer but give me some credit too!" They are both fully facing eachother now, "You know my ability right? Well, guess what? There's a super, duper, extra special, second part to it! The old sod upstairs said I'm not allowed to tell anyone, but I told Hirotsu anyway and he said you were sad. I don't want you to be sad."
"Say Chuuya, would you like to experience a world where the people that truly care about you will never leave again?"
A hand is offered and it is clasped immediately in another.
Chuuya has never been described as hesitant.
And he won't start now when he can finally get his dream.
--------
The ability Dogra Magra has two aspects to it.
One of those is the ability to offer those who are at the end of their line, the ability to experience their dream world until they finally die.
Dieing in a dream.
It's usually people preferred method of departure.
The only drawback being that it cannot change others personality's or opinions.
It is also truly final. There is no turning back. And those who go, never wish to turn back anyway. There's no need.
They have nothing left.
--------
Next thing Chuuya knows is that he back in his apartment and he's pushing his head up and off his desk, quickly whipping the drool that's covering his expensive, mahogany desk as quickly as he can.
He files the paper in his desk into some sort of form of organisation and walks over to the clock to check the time.
He would rather not be late to work.
And then he hears footsteps on the floor above. Loud footsteps.
Now that's not unusual for an apartment complex.
But for Chuuya it certainly is.
After everything that happened when Verlaine came, he bought the floor above him. He never touched that floor, but he just couldn't let it go. He hadn't touched the room either. Everything that was once there is still in the same position with a thick layer of dust covering it and trash all over the floor. Just how Albatross 'liked' it.
So that's why it was especially unusual to hear footsteps from up there.
Next things he knows, those loud footsteps are at his front door and his door is broken in.
"Chuuyaaaaa! Time to go!" The voice called and yanked his arm, dragging him out of his door at top speeds.
Chuuya couldn't even say anything. All he could do was look on in astonishment as his old friend happily dragged him down the stairs of their apartment complex just as he had done many times before.
Next thing he knows, he's on the pier and Albatross is yanking him onto a boat and they are speeding off far faster than Chuuya ever has. Yet, for Albatross, it was probably average speed.
"Where are we going!?" Chuuya yells when he finally finds his voice.
"I don't know!" Albatross yells joyfully as he does a sharp turn causing Chuuya to duck and grab onto the safety railing to avoid the water splash. "We gotta meet up with Pianos in a minute so why not have some fun!?" He continues yelling so his voice can be heard over the boat motor.
"He's going to kill us if we show up like drenched cats!" Chuuya yells in exasperation.
"Live a little, yeah!?"
Chuuya can't even find it in himself to question the situation. He's so happy that he can't even force the smile on his face to dampen even the slightest bit like he's been taught for so many years.
He's just so fucking happy.
It's feel just as great as his first ever celebrated birthday which was with the Flags.
Nothing has ever come close to competing with that memory.
But he thinks that definitely changed now.
There back.
They're alive.
They don't hate him.
He's so fucking happy.
"Hey!" Chuuya yells as a wave splashes him and he feels the cold water start to soak through his suit.
"Like I said, live a little!" Albatross yells back, a wicked smile of glee on his face, the same as anytime he's putting Chuuya through the torture of his driving skills. "I gotta take you for driving lessons soon!"
"I'm good!" Chuuya yells back, emitting a sigh of relief when they finally dock, thankfully in one piece.
Soon they docked, and we're greeted with the rest of the Flags. Admittedly, not looking at either with them with very pleased faces.
"I don't want to treat any of you for hypothermia at two in the morning. If it's that serious, the office opens at nine. Wait till then." Doc said tiredly.
"Yes well, hurry up now. I'd rather not have another robot show up and disrupt our pool sessions." Piano said, just as exasperated and tired as Doc sounded.
They all followed swiftly behind, Chuuya swatting Albatross over the head for the trauma he just put him through. Iceman merely remained unamused behind the two, the place he always took in the group incase the two truly did try to throw hands.
Pool was fun, as it always was with the Flags. No surprise there. What was strange though, was that there was no call from the Boss.
It was no secret that the Boss knew where they were at all times. He usually called one of them out for a mission in the middle of a game. It was an obvious move to show Chuuya that Mori still had control over his connections like he does with the Sheep.
Aspiring to be a detective thanks to Murase and being around Dazai for so long causes a person to notice.
So why hasn't it happened?
"When do we next have a meeting?" Chuuya asks as he finishes his go.
"With the Port Mafia?" Lippmann asks, filing his nails before lining up his cue with the ball.
Chuuya simply nods.
"Fuck the Port Mafia!" Albatross yells cheerfully, slapping Chuuya hard on the back with a smile on his face.
It's not unusual for them to make jokes about the Port Mafia, but the small chuckles they each give and then returning back to the game instead of engaging in playful banter sets of alarm bells in Chuuyas head.
Chuuya shut off the alarm bells as soon as they started, chasing away a headache he didn't even realise came on.
He returned to the game, cheering as they continued. Things were nice, he didn't deserve to ruin it with his haywire thoughts.
He enjoyed his night with the Flags, as usual, it ended with glasses clinking and being thrown as they all laugh along. Chuuya accidentally threw his glass to hard at Albatross and made a cut in his arm. In turn, Iceman threw his own glass at him to tell him to, "Knock it off."
It ended up with Doc stitching them up despite saying earlier that they would have to wait till morning after Albatrosses complaining wouldn't go away.
They ended their night with a game of beer pong, ending up much safer than their other games thankfully. Chuuya got tipsy at most. He was getting better at handling his alcohol. It turned out it was Albatross was the first to get absolutely hammered for once, Iceman ended up removing him from the game.
Once they parted way, Chuuya felt something warm filling his nonexistent heart for the first time in ages. He doesn't think he can ever exactly describe the feeling, it will never give it justice. But the closest thing he can describe to it was this enclosing warmth that enveloped him like a hug. Something he once thought he experienced with Dazai.
The Dazai Chuuya thought would fill the ever growing emptiness of Chuuyas body.
The Dazai who valued Chuuya no more than a speck on his shoe.
-------------
"Chuuya, you know how we feel about Dazai. You will be falling for eternity darling, crawling for any speck of attention the man will give you. And a speck that man will give you, as artificial as he is himself." Lipmann warned, tidying Chuuyas makeup for an undercover mission he was about to go on with Dazai.
"Your being dramatic. I don't even love him that much. It's just something that will go away shortly and I can go back to being as disconnected to the man as I was before." Chuuya explained as confidently as he could.
He accepted the gum Lippmann offered him, the only means he had of distracting himself in such a situation instead of picking at his nails.
Seemed like Adam could actually give good advice at times.
"Your already falling Chuuya. I can see it. We can see it. We can see it in the way you cover his blind side, the way you let your life rest in palms of someone who can twist it into whatever way he sees fit." Lipmann went on, touching up his eyelashes.
"Were partners Lipmann. It's normal." Chuuya explained simply, keeping his response short incase a foreign sob escaped his throat.
"Do partners share one sided secrets, Chuuya? Do partners ask the other to sacrifice their life to save their own skin and then reuse if they see fit? Do they slowly remove all your support systems till their the only one that is left?"
Chuuyas grip on the chair tightened. He swallowed around the fuzzy ball that was rising in throat and burned behind his eyes. He turned his eyes to the ground.
Refusing to meet the eyes that stared back at him in the mirror with a solemn expression.
---------
"Chuuya! There you are man!" A slap on the back and a cheery voice broke Chuuya out of his trance. Once again chasing away a headache he didn't realise came on.
Chuuya could feel tears around his eyes yet refusing to fall. Thankfully, Albatross didn't notice. The most likely option though was that the man was pretending not to notice, something Chuuya was beyond greatful for. Despite how foolish the man came off to be, the man could be scarily observant when he wanted to be.
He only cried around the Flags once.
And that was when they took their final breaths.
He was going to make sure that never happened again.
All of a sudden, Albatross grabs his hand and starts dragging him along.
"I promise I won't take us for a swim this time!" Albatross takes off in a run, dragging Chuuya behind him and causing him to trip up a few times for the first few seconds as he adjusted to the mans speed.
Albatross was always faster than Chuuya, something the man loved to pick on alot.
They soon arrived at their apartment complex, Albatross kicking Chuuyas door again as usual. He doesn't even remember closing it once they left but it must of been something he did subconsciously.
"Movie night!" Albatross yelled cheerfully, plopping Chuuya on the couch and going to his apartment above to get the disks.
Even when Albatross wasn't trying to be loud on purpose, Chuuya could still hear his loud footsteps running around his room.
"Back!" Albatross yelled happily and put the disk in before sitting next to Chuuya.
The movie playing was some shitty teenage drama that Chuuya was only half paying attention to. His attention clicked back in when Albatross got up and claimed he was going to get popcorn.
When Albatross came back, Chuuya finally decided to ask the question that was plaguing his mind.
"Do you think Dazai ever loved me?" Chuuya couldn't look at Albatrosses face as he asked, already ashamed, so he couldnt tell what Albatrosses immediate reaction was.
"You know what we all think about Dazai." Albatross started as he sat down next to Chuuya, taking some popcorn and then offering some to Chuuya but never taking his eyes off the TV so he avoided looking at Chuuya which he was greatful for.
"Dazai always had a weird way of showing his feelings. I remember Pianoman coming back from a meeting with him and raging about how the guy couldn't manage to be polite for the life of him or even stick to one personality." Albatross laughed to himself as he said it. "Point is, don't think about the guy. He sucks and if I could, I would chop him up and run over his remains with my bike."
Chuuya didn't get his question answered but was glad enough that Albatross didn't fault him for his feelings that he's always been advised against.
Eventually, the movie came to an end and Albatross left but not without putting four bags of popcorn on the coffee table before he left so Chuuya could get food easily if he felt hungry.
Chuuya slept restlessly that night. He was happy. He was around the people who he had always cared about and those who cared for him in return. So why couldn't his thoughts of Dazai leave him alone? He's done it before. Forgetting Dazai for days on end, but maybe the difference was he drank through those days.
And he didn't want to disappoint the Flags by letting his emotion of a man they all hate take over and leave him a sobbing mess.
When he woke up, he felt even more tired than before. He leaned over and grabbed one of the bags of popcorn Albatross left and started eating.
A few hours later, he heard a knock at the door. It didn't belong to the Flags, each of the Flags had different knocks ranging from kicking his door down to texting him to unlock his door for them.
So a quick two knuckled knock was a surprise to hear.
And Chuuya was surprised to see Adam on the other side of the door when he opened it.
"Master Chuuya! Sorry for arriving unannounced, it seems I just happened to be in the area and remembered where you lived. Would you mind helping me navigate the shopping center for 'Trendy, hot clothes'." Adam asked.
"Trendy, hot clothes? I didn't think you were interested in that." Chuuya said, unable to hold back a snort.
"Ah, not for me. It's for Ms. Wollstonecraft. Would you still be able to help me?" Adam corrected.
"Sure. Give me a minute to get changed and I'll come join you."
-------
Shopping with Adam was probably worse than being with Elise. The robot had apparently been googling images of what his creator asked and had ended up choosing some particularly atrocious items.
Chuuya ended up sending Adam off to get gum whilst he searched for clothes.
The strange thing was, nobody was in the mall. Everything was self checkouts and despite how clean the mall seemed, there was not a single person in sight besides him and Adam. It was strange seeing the place so empty.
Then he felt another headache come on. They had been happening alot lately and he hadn't even been drinking.
"Thankyou for your help master Chuuya." Adam said before handing a piece of gum of to Chuuya then making a few bubbles out of his own before swallowing it.
"No problem." Chuuya was happy for the distraction, he felt his headache start to ebb away slightly.
"Where do we need to put these clothes?" Chuuya asked as they walked down the docks, still enjoying the gum that was offered to him previously.
"I can just hold onto them for now. I am not expected back till tomorrow so I have time to spare." Adam stated, already breaking into his fifth piece of gum.
They spent the rest of that day touring Yokohama.
Something Chuuya honestly hasn't done in awhile. Chuuya was always plagued by work and any time to himself he spent sleeping. So he was exceptionally greatful for this holiday he was gifted.
Adam told him storys and informed him about his progress in achieving his dream. The robot run detective agency seemed to be starting to become a reality as they had finally rented out an office building and had one member already called Barbara along with Adam.
Honestly, Chuuya was really happy and had offered to donate money to his agency if they needed it. God knows he has enough of it and he might aswell do something with it instead of spending it on rent and wine.
Adam had refused but Chuuya had insisted leaving it to Adam to say he will keep it in mind and that was probably as far as Chuuya was going to get with that.
Later that evening, they parted ways and Chuuya returned home. Chuuya had enjoyed the company he had missed for so long and they had promised to meet up again in the future.
Chuuya found himself continuing the movie Albatross put on the previous night and dug into the remaining popcorn left on the table.
Then his thoughts started to wonder.
Dazai wasn't here anymore.
Whatever truce was happening, thankfully forgot about the two as a duo and Chuuya was no longer needed.
But he couldn't decide if that was a good or bad thing.
Chuuya couldn't deny the fact that he enjoyed Dazais company no matter how much that feeling was unreciprocated. But he felt an ever growing pit growing in his stomach whenever he spoke or talked to the man.
Chuuya had learnt to distance himself from painful emotions, he learnt this in both the Sheep and Mafia and he eventually found comfort in anger. An emotion he understood and could control.
So why couldn't he find the firey feeling that usually came with anger whenever he thought of Dazai and only the darkness around him grew?
Why didn't Dazai like him? Not even in the same way Chuuya felt but as a person?
Was it because Chuuya wasn't a person?
Was it because Chuuya couldn't bring the light that others offered?
Or maybe was it because he was simply not interesting enough?
What could he do to prove he's interesting?
The Flags certainly thought he was interesting, they were a lively bunch and kept him around for a reason afterall.
So what was Chuuya missing that Dazai wanted?
Chuuya eventually found himself without his gloves and picking at the skin around his nails. When he came to enough to register what was happening, he slipped his gloves back on and started walking out the building.
But when he entered the apartment complexes lobby, he ran into Verlaine.
"Chuuya?" The man asked. Chuuya tipped his hat in greeting, not trusting his words to stay stable.
"We have not seen eachother in awhile. I decided to bring some wine. I heard 'Brotherly bonding activities' help improve peoples relationships. Would you like some?" Verlaine said, taking out a bottle that was previously held within his coat.
Chuuya once again nodded and went back up to his apartment, trusting Verlaine to follow.
When he entered, he quickly removed the remaining popcorn packets from his table and shoved them in the bin before sitting on the opposite couch to the one Verlaine had taken.
"I can tell something's wrong. Tell me if you wish." Verlaine started, pouring two glasses of wine he seemingly brought himself.
"Why doesn't Dazai like me?" Chuuya said in one breath, doing his best not to breakdown.
Verlaine simply raises an eyebrow, encouraging him to go on.
"I don't even mean in a romantic way. It was clear enough that would never happen. But what about the way he likes his co-workers? Or Sasonoskue? What am I missing that they all have?" Chuuya asked, unable to stop the stray tears that rolled down his cheek.
"Dazais actions and intentions are ones I don't even understand. But what I do understand, is that Dazai can manipulate and leave people a blubbering mess anytime he wants. You and Dazai may have been partners on the field, but outside of that, Dazai saw no need for you."
Verlaine pushed a glass over to Chuuya, who gladly took it along with a hesitant sip, incase he decided to drink it all in one gulp.
"But what am I missing? I tried being there every moment he needed me, in terms of battle or escape. I gave everything I have. Is there something I'm missing?" Chuuya was breaking down now, drawing his legs up to his face as the cold of the apartment started to feel invading.
"Nothing dear brother. You are missing nothing and owe him nothing. The man sees you as a tool. No matter how much he will deny it, I think deep down you know that aswell. He has misplaced your worth for so long his vision is clouded, no longer able to see you as a partner. An equal. But I don't believe that is a surprise for you." Verlaine stated, moving over to put an arm around his brother as he broke down more.
"What about all those times he trusted me to protect him? What about all those times he broke into my apartment at night just to talk to me? What about when he stayed by me whilst I was in a coma?" Chuuya was ranting, finding anyway to defend Dazai from the accusations being thrown at him.
"Brother, Dazais actions hold no weight when it comes to your feelings. If this is the outcome of his actions, anything he did previously was just a buildup."
When there was no response, Verlaine continued.
"The emptiness you feel won't go away. I know that feeling. But Dazai doesn't deserve the thoughts you spend on him. He's done nothing to deserve it. You have people that will forever be here for you. If I could, Dazai would be long dead but I understand how you feel so I won't. That decision is up to you."
Verlaine started to get up to leave when he heard no response.
"You will know where those people will be when you need them." And with that, he left.
And Verlaine was right. Dazai would have long since been dead if Chuuya could let go of his feelings. He wouldn't entertain the idea of going the arcade, or spending sleepovers together and learning how to do facemasks all over again.
Chuuya had been entertaining a fantasy.
Much like the Flags being alive.
Much like Adam and Verlaine coming back.
Much like the fact the outside world didn't exist.
Chuuya had been hanging onto a dream.
He once again grabbed his coat and exited his apartment, enjoying the peace and emptiness of the outside world.
Only now truly realising the lack of the Mafia building, the lack of life and lack of chaos.
He smiled to himself and laughed at the absurdity of it all.
He ended up outside where the ADA building would of been, now just a block of apartments. The world around him was crumbling and Chuuya felt more tears accompany his small chuckles.
His legs eventually gave out and sat on a path, back pressed against a random building.
He could finally see buildings crumbling in the distance, symbolising the end of his fantasy.
"Looks like this is the end." A voice joyfully as ever called out, no matter how grim the sentence sounded.
"You finally realised." Pianomans voice called out as the Flags came into his field of view.
"Did it really have to end over Dazai of all people? Stupid waste of space." Iceman grumbled under his breath, calmly lighting another cigarette.
"Emotional damage is something I never learnt to take care of. Should of just killed Dazai and we would of avoided this whole mess." Doc joked.
"You two always had a flair for dramatics. Guess the dramatics continues to the very moment of death." Lippmann said, gazing out to the debris coming ever closer.
"Even if none of this is truly real, our words certainly are, I can promise you I certainly ain't made up. I'd like to think I'm a bit to hard to ripoff." Albatross exclaimed, a beaming smile still on his face.
"Well dear Flags, I guess this is officially the end. It truly was a pleasure to see you all again." Pianomann announced and received a collective nod from his group.
"This is the official end of the Flags. Guess we won't have regrets this time." Lippmann finished.
They all looked onto the crumbling earth that was closing in around them, and none of them held any regrets.
----------
Once again atop the roof of an apartment complex, a child giggled to themselves as they saw another star join the sky.
They pushed themself up and sent a letter of resignation that didn't belong to them off into the postbox.
Their gaze lingered between two buildings who already had a precarious truce.
They may no longer be in a truce when they woke up the next morning when the news got out.
But it was a long time coming anyway.
The boy finally got a taste of freedom the world couldn't offer him.