So I Crave, Crave to do it again

by Berries20

Summary:

After he’s adopted and no longer has to fight to survive, Ivan has little else he wants in life.

Following the path his wealthy benefactors laid out for him, he just goes through the motions, getting as close to perfect as he can.

That is, until, he meets someone on his first day of high school- someone he seems to run into every few years. Someone he knows very, very well.

The person who taught him how to live; a hotheaded, grey haired boy with a musical streak- Till.

•

IvanTill highschool AU I wrote for myself bc their highschool au merch is adorable and i am mentally ill and mourning!! Title used to be different but I changed it to Crave by Paramore

Chapter 1

Notes:

obviously i made this as a cope an hour after round 6 so lemme know if the writing seems wonky/unpleasant/ not smooth and I’ll try to improve, as for the characters I hope they’re not too OOC but feel free to point out if they are

It’s the first day of high school.

Ivan is not affected by this fact the way a lot of people his age seem to be.

Waves of people blur into each other, and Ivan doesn’t care to distinguish between them. Some are waving goodbye to their parents, others are being comforted before they step out into a ‘new journey’, and even more rush excitedly to their friends, presumably people they knew from middle school.

There is no one Ivan knows here.

At least, no one he particularly cares about.

That’s why it’s a surprise to him when he recognises Sua, a petite girl he knew from their childhood singing classes, had seemed to make her way to his school.

She looked exactly as he remembers her- polished from head to toe in her neat little uniform, her graceful gait and indifferent expression already setting her apart from the rest of their schoolmates, a lot of them already looking her way in awe.

Her eyes widened when she briefly caught his gaze, but she quickly composed herself. She nodded in greeting.

Ivan nodded back.

Despite what her disinterest and calmness suggested, she was a smart one; not one to dismiss. She smarter and more hardworking at their singing classes than he could ever motivate himself to be. Perhaps because she had a reason to try so hard.

He kind of doesn’t like that she’s here, because her being here means someone else might be here too, and he doesn’t know what he’d do if he met her- The one person he’d never measure up to.

What’s worse- he couldn’t even bring himself to dislike the person. She didn’t do anything wrong. 

In and out, Ivan told himself.

It’s just three years. He doesn’t need to exert any more energy at this place than absolutely necessary.

Nodding to himself, he makes his way into the gates, suddenly pausing when he hears sounds of an argument break out some distance away.

”Watch where you’re going, idiot!”

Ivan rolled his eyes; someone had started a fight before they even stepped into the school building. He decided to ignore it and be on his way, until-

“I was watching where I was going,” a new voice spat, “But if you bothered to take your own advice, you wouldn’t have hit my guitar.”

Ivan’s eyebrows raised in surprise, chest tightening. He knows that voice.

It’s the only voice he can make out from the hundreds around him.

Before he can stop himself, he’s already rushing towards the voice, slipping and shoving through the crowd until he reached its source.

“I don’t have time for this, so get out of my way,” the voice was saying. Ivan’s heart raced in anticipation from the familiar annoyed cadence, and he couldn’t keep the corners of his lips from quirking up into a feral grin. It likely made him look a bit creepy, but he can’t care to keep up appearances right now. Not when he’s this close.

Ivan can already see that person’s silvery hair and familiar guitar case at his back. There is a much bigger person towering over the boy, but he isn’t the least bit afraid. This seemed to make the bigger guy angrier.

“Huh?! You wanna fight, is that it?” The first guy raised his shoulders to throw a punch, prompting the grey haired boy to assume a fighting stance as well.

Right before their fists could connect, Ivan wedged himself in the middle and caught the bigger hand, narrowly stopping it from hitting the other person.

Unfortunately, he didn’t notice the grey haired boy’s fist still on its course. Caught in momentum, it rushed in and hit his jaw with a loud smack.

”Holy shit!” The owner of the fist exclaimed, eyes widening in shock. “Crap, sorry! I wasn’t-”

He stopped abruptly, probably because Ivan’s bright smile despite the rapidly reddening bruise on his face looked odd by any standards. His expression scrunched in recognition.

”…What are you doing here?”

He remembers me, Ivan thought elatedly. Till remembers me!

Mouth still curled in a goofy smile, Ivan greeted, “Same as you, I’m guessing! It’s been a while.”

Without waiting to be greeted back, Ivan turned to the other person in the group. Using his full length to look down him, Ivan tried to conjure an expression that would make sure his message got through- Do not mess with him again if you know what’s good for you.

“Let’s not start off the school year with a fight, yeah?” Smile still firmly in place and fist still grasped in his palm, Ivan forcefully brought the guy's hand down.

“Huh? Who are you to-“

He twisted his wrist slightly. “Unless you wanna take us both at the same time.” 

The guy paled. ”Whatever! I don’t have time for this anyway!” He shook off Ivan’s grip and scurried off.

With that, Ivan finally turned towards the grey haired boy, but the person in question had already started walking away.

Ivan hurriedly followed after him, hiking his bag up his shoulder.

"Till!” he called, walking up beside him. “You can’t fool me, I know you remember me!”

”No I don’t,” Till said looking straight ahead. “I see you’re still a crazy bastard, still taking punches to the face and butting into other people’s fights.”

Only when it’s your fights. “That punch really hurt, you know,” Ivan said in mock pain and revelling in Till’s eye roll. “I’m going to need compensation.”

“Robbing the poor like your little sponsors? Figures.” Till spat.

“How else would one get rich?” Ivan replied easily. “More only comes to those who take.”

“Disgusting. You’re blending right in with those elites,” Till grimaced, and Ivan caught the brief flash of a sea green iris regard him like he was a cockroach.

I don’t care! Ivan prayed. Just keep that gaze on me!

It was barely a glance, but Ivan will take it. He’ll take anything Till throws him.

He tried to memorise the sight of Till as they walked to into their school building, observing him as best as he could before they were separated by class.

As usual, his silver-grey hair was a mess, and the first few buttons of his shirt were undone. He still loosely wore the school tie as per uniform regulations, but the length of it was shoved into his pocket.

If Till noticed him drinking in the sight of him like a parched dog, he didn’t comment on it.

“Which class are you in?” Ivan asked.

”What’s it to you?” He glared. “And get that arm off my shoulder.” Till shoved Ivan’s hand away.

”Do you even know which class you’re in? Did you lose your schedule?”

”I d-didn’t!” Till spluttered, hurriedly taking out a crumpled piece of paper.

It was a long shot, but…

Please let it be 1-3, please, I pray to God-

“Ugh, the letters are so small,” Till read. “1-3.”

God exists, Ivan concluded, and Ivan seemed to have his favour right now.

Whoever’s listening, thank you. I won’t waste this opportunity! 

They walked to class together with Ivan following after Till, Ivan almost bumped into Till when the shorter boy abruptly stopped walking. Ivan was rubbing his bumped chin before he stilled at the small gasp Till let out.

He followed Till’s gaze, and suddenly the bruise at his jaw started throbbing painfully again.

He had briefly forgotten about her- the person Till’s eyes had latched onto and made no hint of moving away from.

On the bench next to Sua, happily laughing, sat another person he remembers from his childhood. Her long, pink hair reached up to her waist now, and her cheerful voice carried even to the entrance of the classroom despite the two girls sitting near the back.

She adjusted her wide round glasses when she caught sight of the two boys standing at the front of the class, and threw both her hands out in a big wave.

”Ivan, Till! I can’t believe we’re all in the same class!”

With a timidity Ivan knew was unusual for Till, the grey haired boy meekly raised his hand and gave a small wave, shy smile hanging on his face. “Hey, Mizi.”

”Till! Look at how tall you are now!”

Maybe God wasn’t planning to favour Ivan the whole way after all.

Which was fine. He was lucky enough to be in the same class, same school as Till.

Ivan would manage the rest, just like he always has.

All he wants is to make Till look his way, one way or another.

Chapter 2

Notes:

highschool AU save my broken heart… mend me with your icy lips…

Ivan usually sat near the front of the class, where he could pay attention to the teacher and not have to listen to the other kids chattering.

Despite his seriousness in his studies, he didn’t consider himself a nerd. As in, he didn’t care about his grades. As long as his guardian deemed it sufficient he was fine with it.

Right now he was following Till to the back of the classroom, way further from the whiteboard than he’s ever sat. Not that Till cared; he just wanted to sit near Mizi, who just happened to be seated on the second last seat at the back. 

“Wow, you’re here too,” Sua suddenly spoke. Ivan took a seat beside Till at the every last row, and with a start, realised that she had addressed him, not Till.

”Same to you,” Ivan replied, hoping that was the end of the conversation. His seat seemed to be right behind Sua, and right next to the window. Great.

”Did you follow him here?” Sua asked.

Questions like those were why him and Sua didn’t mesh well. Ivan avoided blurting out that he would have, if he knew where Till was these last few years.

Instead he turned the question on her. “What about you? Did you follow her here?”

”Yes,” Sua answered without hesitation.

Ivan blinked. And then he smiled, his snaggle tooth as prominent as a canine.

”And here I thought I was crazy.”

”You’d have to be, if you actually followed someone who didn’t even care about you.”

The taunt shouldn’t sting the way it does- he’s said much worse to Sua in the past- but it stings nonetheless. Ivan doesn’t let it show on his face lest Sua think he actually has feelings and such.

”As unbelievable as it sounds, it was a total coincidence,” Ivan shrugs.

Sua’s expression is also unchanged, and he doesn’t know if she believes him or not. Well, that didn’t matter, because it was the truth.

He badly, badly wants to ask Till if he followed Mizi to this school, but he doesn’t know if he even wants the answer. Judging by Till’s surprise though at seeing her, Ivan doubted it.

Besides, Till wouldn't even tell him if he asked, so he has no choice but to swallow his question down.

”Good morning, students.”

”Crap,” Till cursed quietly, searching for a pen.

Their teacher greeted the class and everyone stood and greeted back. It felt disorienting; Ivan hadn’t even noticed the teacher walk in.

“I will be your homeroom teacher this year, my name-”

After everyone’s awkward introductions, the first class began- mathematics.

Though Ivan was usually pretty good at it, he found it slightly difficult to concentrate with Till’s changing range of expressions throughout class, from “thinking very hard” to “I have no idea what this shit means”.

It was way more interesting than quadratic equations, and Ivan had to force the amused smiles off his face several times.

At some point the grey haired boy gave the pen Ivan lent him to Mizi when her ink ran out, and just when he realised he’d just given away his only pen, Ivan sighed and handed Till another.

Till looked at him strangely as he accepted the new pen. Then, in a small voice, he said, “I forgot that was your pen.”

"It’s fine,” Ivan whispered back. “I stole your pen once, so consider it even.”

"You did what-!”

"You two at the back,” the teacher suddenly called.

Ivan and Till both fell silent, sitting straight in their seats.

”Crap.” Till looked like a deer in headlights.

”There, there,” Ivan consoled.

”Shut it!”

”Now that I have your attention,” the teacher snapped, “Can either of you tell me how to solve this equation?”

Till gulped, but Ivan looked unfazed, standing up to answer.

”Of course, Teacher. Do you want me to say the answer or solve it on the board?”

Till, Mizi, and the rest of their classmates looked his way, everyone surprised at his confidence on the first day of class.

The teacher looked surprised too, seemingly not expecting either of the two boys at the last bench to know what was going on.

“Just the answer is fine.”

“X is 3/2.”

“T-That’s correct! Great job, er-”

“It’s Ivan, teacher.”

“Great job, Ivan! You may sit down. Now, who else can tell me how to-”

After Ivan sat down again, Sua turned around.

”Showoff.”

Ivan couldn’t deny it, and suppressing a grin, looked immediately to the person he’d been showing off to.

But as expected, Till wasn’t looking his way at all.

Instead, he seemed to be completely concentrated on his notebook, seemingly trying to solve the math problem as well.

Ivan stared. He had never known the other boy to be dedicated to his studies, but he could only be glad it was mathematics instead of Mizi.

He poked Till on his arm, gaining the slightest of attention.

”What do you want, nerd?” Till snapped back without looking.

”This nerd knows how to solve that equation. I’ll help you.”

Till glanced at him briefly before going back to his notebook. ”No need.”

”Don’t be stubborn. You have a Middle School Math Olympiad finalist at your disposal here.”

Till glared at him, teal eyes flaring. “Are you showing off?”

“Just giving you my credentials.”

Till huffed, no longer acknowledging Ivan anymore.

Ivan took a deep breath and looked back at his own notebook.

Why was this so difficult? Though he remembers that it’s always been like this between them, for some reason it felt as though Till had even more walls around himself now when it came to Ivan.

Was it something he did? He can’t remember doing anything out of what was ordinary to them. So what was it?

•

Till could hardly believe his eyes.

One moment, he was throwing a punch at some loser who’d crashed into his guitar case, and the next, his fist had landed on… that guy.

Till couldn’t deny that running into that guy first thing in the morning, especially after that nightmare, had unnerved him a bit.

But the guy in question- Ivan- didn’t even look half as startled. In fact, he acted as though they’d only met yesterday, and looked as he always did, all smug smiles and peeking snaggle tooth, one-upping Till in each and every little thing and then annoyingly sticking to him no matter what Till said and did.

Well… saying Ivan looked the same wouldn’t be right.

For one, he was now taller than Till (much to Till’s chagrin) and had a much deeper voice (How?! It wasn’t like that two years ago!). He had also filled out a lot around the shoulders, Till was loathe to admit, and overall looked bigger than Till did.

Even his haircut, which was still reminiscent of the goofy ass bowl cut he’d had when they were children, seemed to be slightly more styled now, covering his forehead just so.

Compared to that, Till might as well have stayed the same as he was a decade ago.

It didn’t help that in an attempt to sit near Mizi- his first crush, the only cheer to his days, his absolute favourite idol- he seemed to have accidentally surrounded himself with probably three of the smartest kids in their grade.

One of whom was still taunting him.

”This nerd knows how to solve that equation. I’ll help you.”

Anger flared in him, but he forced it down. He didn’t want to be lugged off to detention first day of school!

”No need.”

”Don’t be stubborn.” Ivan then rattled off his Math Olympiad rank.

Ivan made it hard to not be mad. He was always pressing his buttons, and it had been this way since they were little- since their shared history at that orphanage.

But he never pushed too hard.

He seemed to settle down after Till snapped at him, but Till thought he saw a flash of hurt across Ivan’s face, one of frustration and confusion.

As if he was distressed that Till wouldn’t take his help.

What the hell?

Till didn’t know why Ivan would want to help him that badly, but the expression didn’t sit right with him.

Especially since it was similar to the one he’d seen in his dreams the previous night.

Notes:

Alien Stage cast doing mundane highschool things soothes my heart so much!!

I definitely intend to make IvanTill Endgame, but I hope I don’t go overboard with the slice-of-life. But it’s so therapeutic for me! Sorry in advance

Chapter 3

Notes:

TW: Yes yes we’re all exhausted of Round 6 rehashes BUT I swear it’s important here bc it’s through the eyes of someone who’s in a normal, alienless AU pls bear with me 😭
AU Till has a ‘dream’ of ANST Till, that’s the TW

Then we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled highschool shenanigans

The dream started the same as many of his dreams did- on top of that accursed stage.

Strange creatures- monsters of every shape and size lined the stadium hall, all cheering his name.

No, not just his name. His, and Ivan’s.

The Ivan in his dreams was older, bigger, more confident and determined than he’s ever seen him in his conscious memories. He looked regal in white, like a groom at an alter, while Till looked ready for a funeral in his black attire. The contrast felt ominous.

While he didn’t know how or why he was allowed to share a stage with Ivan, neither of them looked out of place.

It was as if this was how it was supposed to happen- the two of them facing off until only one of them remained.

Then they started singing.

The very first thing Till noticed was that he was grieving.

He didn’t know for what, or for who, but his voice sounded sorrowful, like he’d incurred a great loss, like he didn’t look forward to the future anymore.

It scared Till, to see himself this way. What could have possibly happened to make him look like this?

And at some point, he stopped singing completely.

Despite Till’s misgivings about it, he supposed it was because he was up against Ivan. As loathe as he was to admit it, in a fair fight Till could never beat Ivan as he was now. With the older boy’s formal training and teams of experience, Ivan was simply better.

While that was true, he still felt offended that the him in his dreams would just give up!  Wasn't this disrespectful to Dream Ivan too if Dream Till didn’t give his all?

Speaking of Ivan…

He had been glancing at Dream Till since their performance started. No sooner had Till stopped singing, Ivan tossed away his own mic, marching towards Till in a determined gait.

Till wondered if Ivan was going to throw a punch- it’s what Till would’ve done, especially if Ivan stopped singing halfway through a competition between them. Till couldn’t stand not being taken seriously.

Surprisingly, didn’t punch him, but did something much more ridiculous.

He took Till’s face in his hands and kissed him.

What the hell!  Till wanted to yell. This bastard’s going overboard!

However, Dream Till was so out of it that he barely seemed to register the kiss, though after a few seconds when he finally came to, he tried to push Ivan away.

Ivan was not having it.

He grabbed the back of Till’s head and yanked Till back in, lips never leaving his. Till seemed to stop struggling after that first attempt, hands weakly holding the front of Ivan’s coat.

Ivan took the chance to push forward, face more pained than Till’s. The kiss looked desperate, with a sense of finality that chilled Till to the bone.

Oi, stop that already! Till wanted to interject, but he didn’t seem to have a physical form. He could only look on in shock and confusion.

Isn’t this too much like a real kiss? Till wanted to ask.

This isn’t a joke, you know! You know you’ll get killed if you lose, right? This is neither the time or place for your antics!

As if Ivan’s behaviour couldn’t get worse, as soon as he left Till’s lips, he started strangling him.

Ack! I knew this bastard was crazy!

Thought Till could usually feel what his body in his dreams was felt, despite the strangling  he felt no force around his neck.

Strange. Is Ivan just pretending to strangle him?

Dream Till didn’t seem to deliberate on it the same way Till did and instead  closed his eyes, like he’d already given up.

Till wanted to stomp his feet. Seriously, what’s wrong with you two! Snap out of it!

Dream Ivan stopped strangling him and pulled his closer, and both him and Till looked to the scoreboard, Dream Till still limp in his hold.

No way… I scored higher?! With that lukewarm performance?

With that brief respite, Ivan continued ‘strangling’ him again.

Seriously! Stop strangling him- no, me!

That’s when the first bullet pierced his back.

Gah! Dream Till, wake up! He tried to scream. H-He’s getting shot!

Dream Till showed no signs of opening his eyes, and Ivan kept taking blow after blow until a bullet finally pierced something vital.

He spewed blood from his mouth.

Fuck- Wake up!

Dream Till finally opened his eyes, shock evident as  Ivan fell at his feet, blood pooling beneath snow white suit.

No! Ivan!!

•

Till flew out from his seat as soon as his eyes snapped open, banging his head on something hard in the process.

”Ow!” the two of them yelped.

Till hurriedly turned to the other voice and saw Ivan hunched over in pain.

Sua held the back of her hand to her mouth, shoulders shaking while Mizi laughed so hard she almost fell out of her seat.

“Urgh, your head’s too hard…” Ivan held a hand over his nose, eyes teary from the sudden pain.

Till immediately looked around to try and get his bearings.

He only settled down once he’d determined that it was still the first day of highschool, that he was still 15, and that it had just been 15 minutes since lunch break had started.

That was pretty scary, but everything seems to be in order. Whew!

”I can’t believe Teacher let you sleep through World History,” Sua addressed him.

Mizi laughed. “She looked like she’d rather be sleeping too, though!”

He watched the girls talk for a bit, then giving in to curiosity, he chanced a glance at Ivan.

Ivan seemed to have been looking at him at the same time, because as soon as their gazes met they both startled and turned away again.

Wait, no! Till thought. Why should I look away! He’s the one who was looking at me first!

Sure, Till still felt a bit unnerved after that nightmare- getting lip-wrestled, strangled, and then watching someone he knew get shot, but two out of three of those things had already happened to him before, so there was no need to get so worked up over it!

The only actual frightening part had been the person who starred in his nightmare alongside him, falling to at his feet with a dull thud.

Till bore his eyes into the other boy’s skull, trying to gauge what had influenced his brain to dream up an even more incomprehensible version of Ivan than the one that already sat next to him.

“Um, not that I mind all the attention,” Ivan finally looked his way, initiating an impromptu staring competition, “but is there a reason for this sudden attention?”

“Shut up and stay still,” Till ordered, trying not to blink.

“Gladly,” Ivan crooned, looking elated. “Do as you like, I don’t mind at all. This is actually on my bucket list.”

“This?” Sua frowned.

“…With more candlelight, I guess.”

“You didn’t get that bruise checked yet?” Till suddenly spoke up.

“He couldn’t!” Mizi suddenly jumped into the conversation, brimming with her usual energy. “I took him to infirmary once class finished, but-“

You made her take you to the infirmary? Till glared at Ivan.

Ivan hurriedly shook his head. She volunteered!

”-but someone stopped us! She just handed Ivan a letter and then ran off!”

”Then?” Till asked, more to keep the conversation going with Mizi than to know the gossip on Ivan. He liked when Mizi talked to him, no matter what she talked about.

”At that point we had to read that letter, so we opened it up, and guess what!” She gushed.

”What?” Till asked happily, elated to have her excitement directed at him.

”It was a love letter! A heartfelt confession! On the first day of school!” Mizi whipped her head towards Ivan, her glasses glinting. “Can you believe it? Ivan’s as popular in highschool as I’d expected!”

Ivan looked away awkwardly. “That’s enough, Mizi. The rest is boring.”

”Please continue, Mizi!” Till ignored him.

”But this smooth guy, didn’t even wait or consider it! He just, straight up marched to her classroom and told her, ‘Thank you, but I can’t accept your feelings’, and marched right out!”

”The nerve!” Till agreed.

Mizi tried to do a poor impression of Ivan by lowering her voice and squaring her shoulders, but it only made Till think of how charming she looked, even when she was copying that guy.

”He should have still gone to the infirmary afterwards,” Till added, “specially after making you go with him, Mizi.”

”I didn’t make her!” Ivan protested. “And Mizi, why aren’t you telling him about how we kept getting stopped because people kept asking you for autographs?”

”Ivan!” Mizi exclaimed, quickly glancing at Sua, who was entirely ignoring their conversation and reading a book. “We promised not to mention that!”

Faced with an angry Mizi, the usually composed Ivan looked slightly agitated too. He finally looked away. “You shouldn’t have said mine, then…”

”Huh?” Mizi tilted her head. “Why not? You didn’t tell me not to mention it…”

Honestly, it wasn’t a surprise to Till that either of them had been stopped by fans on their first day; they were both famous, after all.

Mizi was an up-and-coming highschool idol with an angelic voice and angelic looks, and her cheerful personality won her fast fans around the country.

Ivan was a part-time model, same as Sua, though Sua was once an idol-trainee with Mizi before she had to quit.

It all reminded Till how all of them- especially Ivan, who’d come from the same destitute orphanage as Till himself- were now off doing bigger things than Till could ever achieve on his own.

Till wouldn’t stop trying, though.

He knew he was meant for better things. Hyuna-ssi had told him so.

He fiddled with the phone in his pocket, fingers brushing against the Mizi fan-tag he’d bought during her first official merch drop. It was like a little piece of her was always with him, encouraging him to do his best. His guiding light.

”Mizi,” Sua finally joined the conversation, closing her book. “You didn’t tell Till the rest of the story.”

”Huh? Was there more?” Mizi looked confused, and Ivan shot Sua a dark look.

”Of course.” Sua glanced at Till.

Huh? Did she figure out he was thinking of? It made him nervous. I swear I wasn’t thinking of Mizi!

“You didn’t tell him why Ivan turned that girl down.”

”Ah, I don’t actually care-” Till started.

”Oh right!” Mizi brightened. “It was so romantic. He said, ‘I already have someone I like,’ and the girl said, ‘Who is it?’ and Ivan replied-”

”Till! Why don’t we go buy lunch together?” Ivan abruptly stood up from his desk, hurriedly looking to Till. “I see you didn’t bring a lunchbox either.”

”Can’t you go by yourself? I don’t have money today,” Till grumbled.

”That’s fine!” Ivan grabbed Till by the arm and yanked him up from his desk, smiling tightly. “It’s on me today!”

”Huh?”

”You two keep chatting without us!” He briefly waved to Mizi and Sua before practically dragging Till along with him, Till’s struggling futile.

Mizi and Sua watched them go, stunned by Ivan’s sudden escape.

”…So?” Sua asked after a while. “Did he say someone’s name?”

”No, but…”

”I bet it was something corny.”

Mizi smiled. “It was actually very sweet. He said… ‘My god, my universe. I’ve loved this person for as long as I can remember, and it’s impossible for me to love anyone else. So, I humbly ask you to forgive me.’ And the girl was so moved that she swore to support him!”

Sua blinked. 

“That’s so corny. Does he think he’s some tragic hero in those classics he pretends to read?” Sua, who rarely showed emotion, scrunched her face in disgust.

Mizi burst into laughter.

Chapter 4

Notes:

Thanks to everyone who let me know that the previous chapter had issues or was hard to understand~ I don’t usually beta read but I fixed the last chapters issues best as I could!

I reread this before posting so I hope it has less issues!

Ivan often wonders what Till thinks of him.

He’s always telling Ivan to “Stop it” or “Shut up” or “Get your hands off me,” but Ivan knows Till is a pushover, because all Ivan has to do is keep pressing, and Till quickly gives up on pushing him away and lets Ivan do as he likes.

Which is the thing. Till is not a pushover.

Ivan has never seen Till let go of anything he’s decided on, and he’s known Till for a very, very long time.

So the fact that Till lets him do these little things, like dragging him around by the arm, putting his arm on his shoulder, and even letting Ivan lean on him when he’s not paying attention, must mean that he considers Ivan somewhat close, right?

Or, or it might just be that Till also knows Ivan for as long as Ivan’s known him, and knows that half-hearted rebukes and light shoves aren’t enough to deter Ivan from what he wants.

And so, he gives up on pushing Ivan away, because “It’s fine; that’s just how he is,” Till once told Sua.

Till must know Ivan will never do anything drastic enough to make Till hate him, and so he lets him hang around, letting Ivan soak up his presence.

To Till, Ivan is still just that weird clingy kid he knows from his childhood. They’ve known each other for so long that it’s just part of their routine, to talk and to rebuke, to push and to shove, to confess and to get cursed at- all lightheartedly, of course.

That’s why Till can’t know. It’s why Ivan dragged him out before Mizi could finish her story.

Not that Till cared, but it didn't hurt to be careful.

Because if Till knew the severity of Ivan’s obsession, the depths of his affection, his sheer admiration of Till as a person… he’s sure Till wouldn’t wait to tell him to never come near him again.

Ivan doesn’t want to lose what little he has.

As long as he’s looking at me, even if it’s a glare or a scowl, and as long as he lets me stay at his side… I don’t need anything else.

•

When Ivan suddenly drags him out of class, Till has half a mind to chew him out, but stops when he notices the other boy’s expression.

Ivan looks angry, and slightly flushed.

Even popular people get embarrassed when you bring up their crush, huh?

Till usually doesn’t know what the fuck Ivan was thinking, but this time he couldn’t help but sympathise.

Mizi was very interested in matters of love and relationships these days, and in her excitement had ended up making Ivan the topic of conversion, probably crossing into a topic Ivan was less than comfortable with having others know.

To Till, Ivan is someone who’s had so much formal training to control his public image that he’s now someone who doesn’t get flustered easily. But now Till knows that’s not true; even Ivan gets flustered when someone brings up his love life.

Till could relate. Though his admiration for Mizi isn’t a secret to anyone, he’ll still blow a fuse if someone figured out he has a crush on her (which definitely has not happened more than a few times in their childhood).

By the time they reach the crowded canteen, Ivan’s expression is normal again (or, as normal as it can be with his creepy grin that didn’t reach his eyes).

He turned to Till, all smiles. “Order anything on the menu- it’s on yours truly.”

”Don’t you know how to talk normal?” Till snapped, but looked at the menu anyway.

”Like anything?” Ivan asked eagerly.

Till nonchalantly picked at a cut on his arm. ”…Egg sandwich.”

”Huh?” Ivan frowned. “That’s the cheapest thing on the menu! Come on, you can’t order something cheap just to be nice to me.” Ivan lowered his voice. “Or did you want to go outside the school for lunch?

”Oi! You calling’ my tastes broke?” Till reared at him.

”No no, of course not,” Ivan said quickly. “But at least get something proper, like a set meal, or even the spicy egg sandwich! Otherwise I’ll think you don’t see me as a man who can treat you properly.”

Till feigned anger, but actuality he was trying to order the cheapest thing on the menu. Not because of some unhinged reason Ivan came up with to mess with him, but because Hyuna- who’s practically his guardian- had taught him not to take advantage of anyone who was treating him food.

But Ivan had looked so offended at Till’s attempt at basic decency towards him that he ended up relenting.

”The spicy egg one, then.”

Ivan happily ordered their food while Till stood to the side with his hands in his pockets, observing the other students who occasionally shot surprised or urgent glances their way.

”…You bought too much.” He watched Ivan struggle to hold several loaves of sandwiches and some other stuff in his arms and offered to hold some too.

”At least this much is fine, right? We’re both growing boys after all.”

He then noticed Till looking around, and started looking around as well. “What’s wrong? See someone you know?” 

“No it’s…” Till shrugged, looking away. “People were staring at us.”

Ivan looked surprised. “I didn’t notice. Why do you think they were staring? Was there something on your face?”

“You makin’ fun of me?” Till grabbed his collar, but Ivan remained unbothered and smiling, probably used to Till’s outbursts by now.

“Why are you so quick to anger? It was a real question.” Till let go when he saw more people staring, and started waking without waiting for Ivan to follow.

Ivan, of course, followed.

As the walked, Till got the strange feeling that Ivan really was clueless, and decided to have some mercy on him and clue him in.

”Obviously, they were staring because of you.”

”Me? Why?”

”Are you an idiot?” Till rolled his eyes. “A hot, prince-like freshman who looks like he has personal chefs on his payroll walks into the canteen and buys an armful of cheap junk food. You’d stare too, wouldn’t you?”

When answer came from Ivan, Till glanced to check if he was even listening.

But Ivan had stopped in his tracks, cheeks flushed a bright red.

Till felt wary. “…What is it?”

“You think I’m hot?” Ivan asked dazedly.

“You stopped listening after the first word?!”

Notes:

Did you guys read the official ActorsAU on Alien Stage’s Twitter? Ivan canonically blushes to his ears at the slightest compliment from Till, it’s so cute 😭

I think I have a handle on how I want this fic to go, so I’ll add slow burn in the tags soon. I have difficulty making characters fall in love fast, especially ones like Till who’re already in love with a different character. I hope I do this right bc there’s so little canonical instances in media where a guy in love with a girl gets over her and falls for the guy pining after them instead.

Chapter 5

Notes:

i changed the fic title AGAIN i'm sorry,, I promise this was the last time ;-; If anyone has heard the song in the title lemme know, imo I think it suits the IvanTill I want to portray

“You stopped listening after the first word?!” Till balked.

“I must’ve been too far to hear, I should come c-closer!”

Ivan quickly stepped forward and crowded Till, making the shorter boy move away until his back touched the wall.

At this proximity, Till could make out how long Ivan’s lower-lashes were. His eyes weren’t completely obsidian like you’d think, but had specks of copper brown around the large pupils.

Ivan looked both eager and nervous, like he was mustering up courage to say something. It was an expression Till knew could shatter the prince-like image his classmates had of him, and yet for all his annoyance, Till didn’t feel the urge to expose him.

It was always like this between them, wasn’t it? This snaggle-toothed bastard who was so polite and well-behaved infront of the rest of the world, was actually a weirdo who enjoyed provoking Till for fun. He had kept following Till around to do it their entire childhood.

Then there was Till himself, who always complained kept letting Ivan do it anyway. He wonders why.

Though Till’s object of affections had always been Mizi, it wasn’t like he was particularly popular with any of the other kids either.

Sure, some kids thought he was funny, and sure, some others thought it was cool that he could write songs and play the recorder or say no when noone else had the guts to (and suffer the consequences), but no one had actually stayed long enough for Till to call a friend.

Technically, he counts Mizi as his first official friend (who called him a friend back), but that was when he’d joined that singing school in elementary.

He knows Ivan for much, much longer than that.

“Hey Till, can’t you say it again?" Ivan asked again, flushed and urgent.

“Hah?” Till scoffed. “I ain’t repeating all that just because you missed it the first time!”

Actually, Till kind of forgot what he’d said; his mind had drifted to their childhood and seemed to stay there.

“Just the first line, then!” Ivan insisted.

“Which was…”

“You said I was handsome and sexy and tall-”

Till turned green. “I did not say that!”

“You said something similar!” Ivan insisted again, then relented. “You said the other students were staring at us because of me.”

“Ah. I remember.”

He flicked Ivan in the forehead to make the taller boy step back to get some space between them. “I meant you’re  conventionally attractive, so people end up staring when you’re there.”

Ivan tilted his head, shelving away Till calling him ‘attractive’ for later.

“My face isn’t that special, though. I guess this tooth that makes me stand out?” He bared his teeth to point at his canine.

”I can’t tell if you’re fishing for compliments or genuinely don’t know.” He took a sandwich from Ivan’s hands and started eating it.

”Don't know what? H-Hey! Wait till we're at the roof!”

”You talk too much and I’m getting hungry,” Till said through a mouthful of bread. He finished it quite quickly and reached for another one, but Ivan stepped away from his reach and directed them to the stairs. First year classrooms were on the top floor, which meant the roof was just above them.

”You never told me what I don’t know,” Ivan brought up again once they’d settled on sitting against a shaded wall on the roof. There were already some people there but they hadn’t paid them any attention.

Till was going through his second pack of chips.

“Oh, right. You said you thought your face wasn’t special, but it’s not just your face that makes you, well, unique. It’s your physical person as a whole,” Till gestured vaguely at Ivan.

“Ever since that growth spurt, you’re taller than average, and you have a fairly good jaw. And you’ve always had good grades and dress like a model student too, your shirt’s always buttoned up to your neck and your tie and hair are always neat.”

”Mizi and I couldn’t even keep that stupid blazer on because of the heat. All this,” Till drew a circle in the air infront of Ivan’s face, “Make you attractive to a lot of people.”

“But not to you,” Ivan smiled and bit into his milk bread. “Which means I’m nearly not good enough to think of myself too highly.”

“Is this how professionals humble-brag? Because it’s annoying.” Till opened up his sandwich and piled chips on it before closing it again.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed,” Till grumbled, “But the town centre has a billboard with your mug on it. And people love it. They wouldn’t let just any guy with weird teeth up there if they weren’t at least a bit special, ya know? You got this far as a model because you’re good at it, so don’t sell yourself short.”

With that conclusion, Till went back to devouring his way through their food pile, stuffing a sandwich with one hand and shovelling chips into his mouth with the other.

In a rare occurrence, Ivan was glad that Till is too busy to look at him, because his sandwich wasn’t doing a good job of hiding the blush that’d crept up his face when Till turned away.

He had been fascinated with Till for as long as he could remember.

Most kids at their orphanage were fairly calm… except for Till. Sure, he was unusual, but wasn’t the only reason he’d been so attached, though .

Till had been the first person to ever land a punch on him, knocking him to his senses. Ivan had gleefully ended up doing the same, grappling with the shorter boy until they were pulled apart. Since then, Ivan remembers him as a ball of adrenaline and high strung emotions, everything Ivan was not.

But this calm, contemplative Till who sat next to Ivan right now, the kind of Till you only saw when the shorter boy was writing a song or humming a tune or tuning his guitar… Or when he was with Mizi… Ivan was every bit in love that Till as he was with the one who’s always annoyed with him.

•

I wonder if you care about him.

A low and somber voice questioned.

I remember when I was his age, he said again. He already cares about you a great deal. I wonder what he’ll do differently.

Shut up, Till replied. Stop talking in my head. Who the fuck are you anyway?

Me? The voice asked, amused. I’m nobody. At least, not anymore.

Then stop talking to me, Nobody, Till said again.

The voice chuckled, low and deep, and Till felt irritated by the second. It felt familiar somehow, but also not.

What do you want? Till yelled into the void.

Oh, nothing that you can give me. But perhaps, I can make things a little easier for him.

Spit it out then, Till grumbled.

This is extremely selfish of me, the voice said, but keep going as you are now.

Till was confused. Huh?

Perhaps it’s the circumstances of your world, but I believe things will actually work out for him this time…

If you keep being as kind as this world allows you to be… it can happen. There’s a possibility.

I have no idea what you’re talking about, but sure, Till shrugged. As long as it gets you to shut up.

I know you already know that you don’t have to put up with any of this, the voice sounded sympathetic, but I also know you’ll put up with him anyway.

Don’t hesitate to tell him when he gets too much. I don’t want you to hate him as mine does.

The guy sounded so sad that Till didn’t have it in him to tell him to shut up again.

•

 

When Till opened his eyes, he was greeted by a vast blue ceiling that he suddenly realised was the sky.

He hurriedly sat up to see an expanse of blazing blue above him, not a single cloud in the sky marring it. It was like a completely empty canvas.

”Woah…” Till muttered.

Some yawned behind him, and Till whipped around to see none other than Ivan sat against the little corner of shade they’d been eating under, stretching his arms as if he just woke up. His deep blue blazer had a crease on it, and his hair looked very unkept.

The few people that were on the roof with them were nowhere to be seen, and Ivan and him seemed to be the only ones there.

Till wondered what his own hair looked like right now. He’d better fix it before going to class.

”Class! Shit!” He quickly stood up as realisation hit. He loomed over Ivan, who was still barely awake. “Hey, when did lunch break end? Which class do we have now?”

“Um… lunch ended an hour ago… right now we’re missing… classical literature. I think.” Ivan tried to stand up but failed.

“Oh… my legs fell asleep.”

“Shit… Well, we probably shouldn’t go right now anyway.”

Till sat down beside Ivan again, sighing loudly.

Ivan glanced at him and then smiled into his fist, his snaggletooth peeking out like a fang.

”What are you laughing at, weirdo?”

”Nothing, it’s just… your hair. It’s cute.”

Till procured a butter knife from his bag and looked at his reflection, and indeed, he had a giant cowlick on one side. Probably from sleeping on one side too long.

”Ugh, I don’t even have a comb…”

”You have a knife but not a comb?”

”Shut it.”

Ivan tried to turn his body towards him, but suddenly winced. “Ouch, my neck…”

Till checked his own neck, and found that nothing in his body seemed to be hurting despite his usually weird sleeping positions. He felt smug about it.

“That’s what you get for sleeping weird. You should be more like me for a change.”

Ivan looked like he wanted to say something but then hesitated, instead opting to pat along his legs to wake the blood circulation in them. His pant legs looked very creased too, as if he’d been carrying a fussy baby on his lap that kept twisting and turning no matter how much he held them down. Till should know- Hyuna makes him babysit her friend’s kids.

Till turned away to fix his giant cowlick, raking through his hair this way and that, peering into the small amount of reflection his butter knife offered.

”Isn't that hard? Let me help.” Ivan had just managed to wake up one leg, and was stretching it in and out.

Till briefly wondered if Ivan was going to mess his hair up worse to piss him off, but he didn’t sense any malice in him like usual. Oh well.

He made his way towards him, saving Ivan the trouble of crawling on one leg.

”Alright,” Till said, plopping down infront of him. “Work your Professional Model magic on me.”

”Really?” Ivan looked surprised. “I can touch you- your hair?”

”Not if you make this weird,” Till said, suddenly feeling uneasy.

Ivan was quick to reassure him. “No no, of course not! I just meant, uh, it’s surprising to see you concerned about your appearance.”

“It’s a giant cowlick,” Till deadpanned. “If you can’t fix it I’ll-"

“No, sit!” He grabbed Till by the shoulders to keep him from standing up, urgency in his movements. “I can fix it! Just leave it to me.”

They spent the next 5-6 minutes seated across each other, Ivan carefully carding his hands through Till’s messed up hair and Till trying not to make direct eye contact with Ivan, who seemed way to into playing hairdresser at the moment.

”Are you done yet?” Till sighed.

”Just a bit more,” Ivan replied.

He wetted his hand with some water before carding it through Till’s hair, the coolness soothing against his heated scalp.

Till, for lack of things to look at, finally glanced at Ivan working above him, catching a glance of his face.

He was smiling as he worked, face more serene than Till remembers on his teenage face. Not the creepy, toothy grin that rarely reached his eyes, or his sanitised Professional Smile, but rather, a genuine, happy grin that made his face look as youthful as his actual age.

He wasn’t as intimidating as the kids in their singing classes always claimed. He’d never been. Not to Till.

He was just a normal 16 year old with one canine bigger than the other, who liked classical literature and the shitty fruit cups at their orphanage and played stupid pranks on Till and kept by his side longer than anyone he remembers.

Maybe that’s why he keeps letting him do what he wants. No one had tolerated Till this long. Till wondered why Ivan did.

”Looks like the sun’s getting to you,” Ivan said, concerned. “Your face looks a bit flushed. Ah, I know!”

Before Till could protest, Ivan wetted both his hands in water and smacked his palms against Till’s cheeks, the coldness against his heated skin making him yelp.

”Ahh! You asshole!”

”Sorry!” He laughed as he dodged Till’s attempts to grab his hair.

”Hold still! I’m gonna empty this bottle over your head!” Till growled.

”You can’t expect me to hold still if you tell me that,” Ivan rebutted.

The two chased each other around, Ivan laughing and Till throwing curses until the bell rang, indicating the end of class.

Notes:

Did you know on vivinos site, Till’s profile says he’s INFP? Who would’ve guessed he’s a personality type that’s so in tune with his emotions? It begs the question then, why he seemingly ignores Ivan’s very pointed attention, or if Ivan is just that good at hiding it from Till?

Also, I have finals in a few days so updates will get slower ;-;

As for the where this story is going- I want to hit ALL the canon story beats up until Round 6 but idk how long the fic has to be to reach that point. We have
- MiziSua doomed yuri equivalent event that has already happened (Sua is no longer an idol trainee with Mizi)
- IvanTill backstory (they first met at an orphanage, then again at a singing camp)
- Luka appearance
- Hyuna appearance
- and finally, Round 6 equivalent

Ofc everyone has their own interpretation of IvanTill, but I’m of the opinion that if circumstances were different (as in, no survival singing competition hosted by alien overlords) they could have been together in some shape or form, romantic or otherwise.

If anyone else has finals too, I wish you all the best!

Chapter 6

Notes:

I’m realising I should have put in a lot more recurring stuff in this fic in the tags, like orphanages and fosters and possible abuse. I know they could be major triggers for some people, so I’ll add those tags as I progress.

As always, thanks for waiting!

Missing the first literature class of the school term had been completely worth it.

That was all Ivan could think of as him and Till made their way to the classroom before their next class started. 

While Till had gone back to not looking at him as they took their seats, Sua gave him a strange look that suggested she knew exactly what had happened. Which was impossible, because even Ivan couldn’t imagine the progress he’d just made with Till in the last few hours, but that’s Sua for you.

On the other hand, Mizi turned around as soon as they’d sat down and started peppering them with questions.

“Till, Ivan!” She seemed visibly worried. “You two were gone the entire class! And you missed the handouts.”

“Handouts on the first class?” Till was shocked. “Highschool is tough…”

“Ivan, why’s your hair wet?” She reached out and ruffled some droplets out. “And where’s your blazer?”

“Ahaha… the answers might be related.” He caught Till glaring at him under Mizi’s well-intentioned concern and smiled.

“Why don’t you ask Till about it?”

Mizi looked to Till, but the grey haired boy only grumbled, seemingly angry at Ivan again.

”Probably poured water on himself ‘cause he’s a stupid idiot…”

”Well, you heard him,” Ivan said happily, that knowing smile on his face. “I’m his stupid idiot.”

It only made Mizi more confused, but she relented since neither said any more about it.

”If you say so…”

Once Till confirmed that Ivan wouldn’t be outing him to the only person’s who’s opinion Till gave a shit about, he shifted his attention away from Ivan completely and put on his headphones, snapping at him to not annoy him.

”So harsh,” Ivan chuckled.

”I’m guessing you swung at a hornets nest and got stung.” Sua directed her gaze at Ivan.

Though the words confused Mizi, Ivan’s eyes crinkled around the edges as if Sua complimented him on an achievement.

“I wouldn’t call it a hornet's nest; Calling it a cat would be more accurate. It’s sometimes nice, sometimes mean, but consistently adorable, so you can’t help but play with it.”

”But if it doesn’t want to play with you back, it’s harassment,” Sua informed him.

”You think something with claws wouldn’t retaliate if it was harassed?” Ivan sighed, and looked to Till who had his eyes closed, completely immersed in the music from his headphones.

“You almost make me sad.” Sua shook her head.

Ivan shrugged, ghost of a smirk on his lips. “What can I do? I just can’t stay away, even when he’s annoyed of me. He lets me play with him, but I’d let him scratch my face beyond recognition if it made him happy- uh, the cat, I mean.”

Sua’s usually composed expression morphed into a grimace, making Ivan bark out a laugh.

”What’s this about cats and hornets?” Mizi asked Till, feeling like Ivan and Sua had been talking in a different language.

Till hadn’t been listening to the pair at all, but noticing Mizi addressing him, he took off his headphones immediately.

The conversation seemed to have ended already; Ivan only looked to him with an innocent smile while Sua expression remained twisted like she’d eaten something sour.

”Ignore them, Mizi,” Till shook his head. He turned his entire attention to the pink haired girl sitting infront of him and addressed her kindly. “Tell me about what you did in class.”

”Class was okay. I thought Ivan would be more upset about missing it since it’s his favourite subject, but if he was with you, I guess things were fine.”

She lit up, remembering something.

“Oh, right! And… I saved handouts for you two!”

”For me?” Ivan asked.

”Yup!” She stuck out her tongue. “Can’t have you guys falling behind on work when that’s my job!” 

She handed one to Ivan, then one to Till.

”Thanks, Mizi. I really owe you.” Till bowed gratefully. “I’m already bad at this subject. I shouldn’t have missed class.”

Mizi smiled sympathetically. “I get it, I’m awful at anything that’s not PE and end up having Sua tutor me before every test. We gotta help each other out when we can!”

Till nodded. “I hope I can help you out too, don’t hesitate to ask.”

”Of course! Since you missed today’s class, I can help you with today's homework if you want!”

”Really?” Till beamed. “It’d be a huge help!”

Ivan perked up. ”You need help? I’m also good at-”

”Shut your trap,” Till cut off, the shift in his expression instantaneous when he addressed Ivan. The instant change was so comedic that Ivan would have laughed… if it wasn’t so sad for him.

”But where were you two during class?” Mizi questioned again once the two were talking to each other.

Till blushed. “Well. I sort of… fell asleep on the roof after lunch.”

”Aww!” Mizi cooed. ”Reminds me of camp back in elementary! We’d have hour of mandatory play time right after lunch, and you and Ivan would spend it curled up under that big tree and nap the hour away.”

Till frowned.

Him and Ivan?

His most consistent memories of Ivan are the ones where they were arguing, fighting, or both. Sure, they knew each other for so long that they’d probably had the odd good moment now and then, but Till can’t remember them ever settling down enough to sleep together under the shade of that giant Anakt tree in their old camp’s yard.

”That’s exactly what happened,” Ivan said, shaking his head. “Till was full after lunch and fell asleep. Because of him, I had to miss class too. Sigh. And it was the first literature class of the school year.”

”Why didn’t you wake me then!” Till fumed.

”I know I should have woken him up when the bell rang,” he told Mizi, ignoring Till who was boiling away, “but the bags under his eyes told me he hadn’t slept well the night before, so I let him nap. You know I can’t help it when it comes to Till.”

”You’re always so considerate, Ivan!” Mizi praised.

”That’s bull!” Till cried, not liking that the conversation had become about him. “He didn’t wake me up because he fell asleep too!” He turned to Ivan. “Why’re you pretending to be mature all of a sudden?”

”I didn’t fall asleep on purpose. I was watching over you because I couldn’t just leave you there alone, but before I knew it, we were both…”

Ivan batted his eyes shyly and glanced away.

Till felt the hairs on his neck rise. ”Next time, just leave!”

”Alright, alright,” Ivan laughed, expression mischievous again.

”I’m being serious!”

”Of course, of course.”

”Fuck off!”

”Why are these two always fighting?” Mizi asked, leaning her head on Sua’s shoulder.

”Because they're sensitive,” Sua replied matter-of-factly.

•

Sua doesn’t remember how the four of them became ‘friends,’ but she does remember the first time she’d seen Till.

One morning at during mandatory play-time at their singing camp, Mizi had suddenly come to her in tears, reporting that one of the camp's guard dogs had bitten some boy; one of her few friends.

Sua found out later that the boy was the camp’s resident troublemaker, a grey haired misfit named Till. He had apparently attempted to fight a guard dog because it had carried away a flower crown Mizi was making to gift to Sua.

The guard dogs were mainly for guarding the camp’s chain fences in case someone tried to climb it to get in or out of the premises (mostly out; there’d been instances of people trying to escape, mostly orphans), but the dogs weren’t always leashed up as they should have been, so they’d occasionally wonder into their playground and cause problems. But they had never bitten or attacked someone before.

This particular one had been refusing to let anyone get close enough to snatch the flower crown away, standing over it menacingly and gnashing it’s teeth at anyone who’d get close. 

Till, not being one to give up, had attempted to grapple with the dog (which was twice as big as him at the time) and surprisingly came back out of that ordeal alive. Not with not Mizi’s flower crown, but with several bites and deep cuts (some of which had needed stitches).

Surprisingly, the person who’d managed to get Mizi her flower crown back had been another boy, this one with dark hair similar to Sua’s and eyes as empty as the void. 

Sua actually knew that boy, but only because he was in the same age bracket as Mizi. Once, he’d even been praised by a teacher who had told Sua that she should to be more sociable, “like little Ivan here.”

Sociable my foot.

Don’t get her wrong; she didn’t hate the boy. Even if she disliked him, it definitely wasn’t because Mizi and him had become fast friends and she wouldn’t have her to herself anymore, and it also wasn’t because Mizi had compared them once or twice because ‘they feel similar.’

”But of course, I like Sua most!” The rose haired girl told her cheerfully.

Yes, Ivan and her were more similar than she’d like to admit. But there were some crucial differences.

Sua knew her strengths and weaknesses, and getting along with others was a big weaknesses. Somehow, she and Mizi had gotten close regardless (for which she was extremely grateful), but she had no wish to get along with anyone else.

She would be happy her entire life if Mizi was the only other person she talked to.

Ivan was similar, except… despite his utter lack of social skills and emotional comprehension, he had decided that he had to be buddy-buddy with everyone at their camp, including her (though, he quit pretty early once he understood that she wanted nothing to do with him).

She’d even been uneasy about him suddenly befriending Mizi, and Mizi being Mizi, welcomed his friendship wholeheartedly. So far he’d been very kind towards her, even though he didn’t have much reason to be. Sua couldn’t understand his goal in doing so, and it made her nervous.

Thankfully, her worries were unfounded.

Ivan was completely and utterly obsessed with Till.

She’d heard from Mizi that’d the two boys happened to be from the same orphanage, though by how distant Till acted with Ivan, you wouldn’t know unless you saw Ivan himself approaching him.

There were some qualification tests required to be able to enroll in the particular singing classes they attended, and apparently, Till had done so good in them that even despite his behavioural issues, he’d been offered to enrol and attend for free.

Ivan on the other hand had been enrolled by his potential adopters. Sua inferred that ‘potential adopters’ probably meant his adoption depended on his performance at camp.

No wonder he had shot up top of the rankings as soon as they’d started being tested. He’d even left Sua and Mizi in the dust at the beginning with his fast growth.

Sua didn’t mind. She didn’t have anything riding on her performance; she was just there to receive the rounded education expected of a daughter from an artist family.

Mizi, though… she loved to sing, and soon, Sua found herself sharing Mizi’s dream of sharing a stage together.

 

•

 

The first day of school had gone incredibly well, Ivan thought.

Too bad he couldn’t say the same for the coming weeks.

Unsurprisingly, his guardians deemed that his modelling career took importance over his school life, and he ended up missing several days of classes due to photoshoots and gigs.

Not that it mattered. He was quick to catch up with missed classwork with help from Till and Mizi (much to Till’s chargin) and occasionally even Sua helped out.

Ivan just had one small worry.

In the little time that Till had been at school, he’d already made friends with most of people in class.

The thought made him a little sad that he wouldn’t have only Mizi to worry about, and a little happy that the shorter boy was doing better socially than he did 10 years ago. His sincere persona and honesty pulled people in as Ivan always predicted. And he was practically a musical genius, which people would soon find out during there music classes.

The only thing that’d kept people away all this time was his split-second anger, but even that was something he seemed to have under control now. Except with me, Ivan smiled to himself.

Today was the first day in that week when he didn’t have to rush to work right after school ended, and he had wanted to invite Till to eat out somewhere close by, but it seemed that he was already too late.

”Oi Till, don’t flake out again!” A boy had put his hand around the grey haired boy during lunch. ”You know we can’t play without an even number of people!”

”You dipshits only need me to even up the numbers, huh?”

“Come on, don’t be like that~”

Him and Till seemed to have a good rapport.

”That’s a scary expression.”

Ivan’s head snapped forward to see Sua observing him, resting her chin on a delicate hand.

He twisted his mouth into a smile. “What~ Me? Scary?”

Sua rolled her eyes. “That smile you’re making right now is probably even scarier.”

”Then why don’t you stop looking at it.”

Sua observed him for one second longer and then turned in her sit to look away.

Ivan made a tight fist under his desk.

 

•

None of Till’s new friends deserved him, Ivan decided.

After the school bell rung, the same boy had come running to Till and put his hands together in a plea.

”Till! Someone dropped out, so we have an odd number of people again, so we need you to-“

”Hell nah!” Till cried out. “Make someone else sit out! I’ve been excited to play since lunch break!”

“But you were the last one to get invited…”

”This is bullshit!”

”Well, unless you find another person in the next 10 minutes to even the numbers, you’re gonna have to sit this one out.”

The last line had Till looking around frantically, and right before Ivan could volunteer, their gazes met.

Ivan felt electricity run through his spine.

Till’s teal eyes lit up too, and he immediately grabbed Ivan’s wrist and dragged him up.

”Here!” He presented Ivan to the boy like he was a large fish Till had just caught. “Now it’s even. When does the game start?”

Notes:

Sua is such a mysterious character to me. We only get her for 2-3 minutes, and yet she haunts the narrative since. That “Confession” comic on Alien Stage twt was painful; how Ivan thought him and Sua were similar, and yet she had the one thing he didn’t- reciprocation (in the specific way he wanted).

I’m still giving finals but I didn’t want to leave this fic alone for too long. I hope the Sua POV was okay.

Thanks for reading!

Chapter 7

Notes:

LMAOOOO I forgot football is played with an odd number of players, specifically 11 people and not more not less 😭
Football fans, Please ignore the “even number of people” bs from before and just assume they needed the same number of people on both teams to play XD I’m truly sorry I’m laughing at myself too

With THAT out of way, here’s the chapter :D

“Here!”

Ivan felt like a new toy being brandished to Till’s friends.

It was amazing. It made Ivan a little touched to see Till acknowledge his presence infront of others, even if it was just because he needed his help. To be honest, Ivan didn’t even mind.

If it’d always be like this, he could be anything Till wanted. His toy, his servant- hell, he’d let Till parade him around like a trophy wife if he wanted, as long as it was him doing it.

”There! It’s even now!” Till declared. “When does the game start?”

”Um… I don’t know…” Till’s friend wasn’t convinced, and he actually looked a little nervous when he glanced at Ivan. Ivan tilted his head in confusion.

“Correct me if I’m wrong,” the boy whispered to Till, “But isn’t that guy-”

“Ivan, the up-and-coming young celebrity you always see on Town Square’s billboard!”

Mizi had appeared out of nowhere, eyes glinting and her pink hair done up in pig tails. She looked very much like an eccentric in her round glasses, conspirital grin and eagerness in gossip. “Why, yes! That’s him! Want his autograph?”

”Of course I don’t!” The boy squeaked, flushing.

”Aww, don’t be shy~” Mizi poked the guy, who paled even further when Till glared at him. Mizi hadn’t seemed to notice. “When else would you get this chance?”

”I don’t want it!” He urgently turned to Till, eyes pleading.

Till felt bad enough to put him out of his misery and bring their conversation back on topic.

“Why can’t this guy play, then?” He raised Ivan’s wrist again, shaking it like a produce grocer boasting his fresh carrots.

“It’s just… is he even allowed to play? What if he gets hit with a ball and it marks up his face or something? I don’t want to get sued…”

”You worry too much,” Ivan spoke up.

He was still very aware of Till’s hand around his wrist, and hoped Till forgot to pull away for a just little longer. Not only was it warm, but it felt like being in contact with him lent him some of Till’s boldness.

“Just because I have a job that needs me to keep my face clean doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to enjoy school life.”

”Yeah!” Till agreed, taking his hand back to point at his reluctant friend. “I’m playing! You can’t drop me that easily!”

”Dude, I want you to play! But…” He glanced at Ivan, and Ivan smiled amicably.

The boy gulped.

A silent message seemed to pass between the two of them that made the boy relent.

”Fine, fine! But you’ll take all the responsibility if we get sued.”

”Sure, sure!” Till said cheerfully, throwing his arm around the friend. They left the classroom together, laughing and shoving each other around.

Just before he left though, he popped his head back through the door and called to Ivan.

”Oi, don't stand there like an idiot! Be at the field in 15 minutes!”

Ivan stood at attention.

Till needed him at the field in 15 minutes!!

”I-I will!” He called after him.

 

•

Till wondered if he was too friendly to Ivan these days, and if it’d come to bite him in the ass soon.

Maybe, it was because Ivan had been acting less weird around him these days that made Till comfortable enough to treat him like a ‘regular’ friend.

Then again, Ivan hadn’t even been around the past few days. Maybe it was less Ivan being normal, and more Ivan being missing and unable to do anything to Till at all.

He didn’t miss Ivan, but Till realised how normal his days are when Ivan’s not around. It wasn’t unpleasant; it was just easy to get used to the normality and forget about the life he had to return to after school ended.

Maybe it’d been so long since Ivan had bothered him that Till let the normality get to his head. Today, he’d somehow been the one to interact with Ivan first, and even pushed him into playing a match at the last minute. Thankfully taller boy played along with it and even seemed interested to play with them, so Till hoped it’d be fine.

Well, as fine as it can be with Ivan. People liked calling Till a wild card, but in Till’s opinion, no one was more unpredictable than Ivan.

”Till!” Mizi had scolded him once when they were younger. It had probably been their second year at that singing camp.

“Did you fight with Ivan again?”

”I didn’t start it!” Till protested. “Didn’t you ask him? He’s the one who-“

”Till,” Mizi had said again, frowning and a little annoyed. That shut Till right up; if Mizi was feeling short with you, you best believe you’re the one in the wrong.

”He told me that too- that he started the fight, so I’m not angry about that. But he also said you told him to never talk to you again, and I think he took to heart!” She looked distressed. “He's not talking at all!”

No… when Till said to never talk to him, he hadn’t meant it literally! He’d gotten frustrated and just wanted some space, but it’d explain why he hadn’t seen Ivan the last few days despite living in the same house.

Till didn’t know what he felt about it, and what came out of his mouth was, “It’s him who’s not talking, so why is it my fault? I only told him not to talk to me, not stop talking to everyone completely!”

Mizi frowned deeper, and all he wanted was to turn it into her regular smile again.

He tried to reach for her hand. “Come on Mizi, let’s play-“

Mizi stepped back. “No!”

She turned away and ran back to Sua.

That hadn’t gone well at all.

After that, Till couldn’t build up the courage to talk to either Ivan nor Mizi, and after much deliberation, finally managed to catch Ivan at the boys bathrooms.

I’m doing this so Mizi won’t be mad at me anymore, Till told himself. Not for Ivan.

After all, being completely alone was much better than being with that annoying guy!

…Was that true, though? Till hated being lonely, but rarely noticed it before the last few days.

Just as he wondered if Ivan had gone back to being as friendless as he used to be before their acquaintanceship, he heard a familiar laugh, followed by the appearance of that familiar person.

What the hell!

Ivan didn’t look as sad as Mizi had described at all! In fact, he was smiling politely to the other kids as he washed his hands, and some of them were even talking to him amicably.

All while Till was stuck being alone!

”Oi!” Till ambushed him before Ivan could leave the restrooms. “Are you taking revenge on me just because you’re taller now and I hit you? Because of you M- she won’t play with me anymore!”

Ivan, who was a mere inch taller than him, suddenly seemed a lot more taller as his smile widened, eyes full of mirth looking down at him. “You followed me all the way to the bathroom to tell me that?”

Till flushed angrily.

Ivan patted his shoulder. “I don’t know why you’re complaining, she doesn’t play with you much anyway. It’s me who plays with you.”

Well, you haven’t these last few days!

But what came out of Till’s mouth was, “All you do is annoy me!”

“It’s not my fault I’m better at the games than you are, but I understand how losing can get annoying.”

Ivan talked in a way that the teachers had described as, “Mature for his age,” which was apparently supposed to be a good thing. But all Till heard was that Ivan was training to be a supervillain with his way of talking.

”I won’t lose to you again!”

Ivan’s eyes lit up, fang peeking out under his manic smile. “You’re on!”

 

•

 

 

To say Ivan was a weird kid would be an understatement.

Till had no issues with it; he himself also used to be a weird kid (though, ‘problematic’ was more appropriate to describe Till in his early childhood).

He doesn’t remember having parents, and his earliest memories are of the director of the orphanage putting a mouth guard over his face because he’d bitten a caretaker who’d tried to force-feed him something gross.

He’d also been in a mouth guard the first time he’d seen Ivan, but he doubts Ivan could saw him back- the mouth guard used to cover half his face.

Till had once again done something that had provoked the director- what exactly, he couldn’t remember, but the director he remembers in his head was a very unreasonable old geezer, so it was probably something very minor.

As a result, Till had been forced into the mouthbrace yet again. The director had slammed the rusty child-gate shut on his face, trapping him in the nursery as everyone else played at the meagre yard their orphanage boasted.

All Till could do was grip at the bars separating him from the outside, looking out into the empty hallway.

Though Till remembers being a cry-baby as a kid, he hadn’t been crying then. He had started getting used to getting locked up in different places. At least this one had light.

After some time he heard footsteps and perked up, wondering if it was a caretaker who’d come to free him.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t.

It was the director and another adult. Both ignored him as they passed, settling down in the director’s office that was across the nursery Till was in.

There were only two reasons new adults visited their orphanage. It either meant someone was leaving or someone had come.

Till hoped no one was leaving, especially not Hyuna-noona. 

After a bit of chatting the two adults burst into boisterous laughter, making Till jump. Then, almost as if he’d appeared out of thin air, a boy with shaggy dark hair turned his head up to look when the guy called out a name.

Before the kid could respond, the man gripped him by the shoulder and shoved him forward. Till realised that the two adults were both seated, while the boy had been standing the entire time. He’d been so still that Till hadn’t noticed him standing next to the seats at all.

As if noticing Till’s stare, the boy turned around, visibly too weak to move too fast.

The boy's shaggy hair fell over his blank, black eyes, the area under his eyes sunken. His face was gaunt, and his mouth remained a little open the way dogs’ did when they're dehydrated. Till would usually try to bring the dogs some water when that happened; if the kids weren’t eating well, the animals were likely worse off.

Till wondered if the boy was looking at him at all with the way his gaze seemed unfocused.

The adult who’d come with him seemed to bark something to him, and the boy weakly turned back to look at the guy.

That was the last time Till ever saw that adult.

As expected, their crowded nursery room had gained an extra boy.

Till couldn’t help compare the child in his memories to the boy he knew now- the one standing infront of his now, warming his muscles before a match, twisting this way and that. You could barely believe it was the same kid from that day- now with sleek black hair, bright obsidian eyes and a dazzling smile that graced magazines and billboards. His filled out shoulders were a far cry from the bony child he’d been, and his height now far exceeded Till’s own.

Ivan seemed to notice Till looking and beamed at him.

”Do I have something on my face?”

”Wipe that smile off your face.” Till looked again.

”We’re playing in the same team, right?” Ivan asked happily, ignoring Till’s retort.

Till just shrugged. “Depends on the team captains.”

Ivan pouted. ”That won’t do! Hey, you guys!” he called the other players, “Be sure to put me in the same team as Till, okay?”

The boys looked at the two of them in surprise.

“Quit it!” Till hissed. He changed his mind; Ivan was acting insufferable again! He knew peace wouldn’t last for long.

”But I want to be with you!”

”No can do, dude,” one of the captains pulled Ivan by his arm. “You’re so tall! I want you on my team.”

“It’s football, not basketball,” Another boy laughed, “What difference does his height make?”

”I don’t care!” The guy declared. “I’m good at guessing this type of thing. He looks like he’d be good at any sports he tries.”

”That’s so biased lol,” a second guy said, “Why does everyone think handsome guys are automatically good at everything? It’s just a face!”

”Yeah!” Another joined in. “All looks, no substance.”

Ivan was used to being singled out for various reasons, but his decidedly average appearance at school being the reason almost made him want to laugh.

”What, you guys jealous?”

It hadn’t been Ivan who’d said it, but rather Till.

”Aren't you overestimating him way too much to be ganging up on him?”

”Till.” The boy who’d come to their class pulled Till’s sleeve urgently. “Please don’t.”

”Don’t what?” Till asked again. “Isn’t it better to let his skills do the talking instead of bashing his mug?”

Till then turned to Ivan, teal eyes flashing with challenge.

”That it, if he has any skills to show off. Have you even played football once in the last five years?”

Ivan hoped to god that the manic smile forcing its way onto his face wasn’t too creepy, because if anything, he’d rather scare Till with his abilities than his face.

”You’re on.”

Notes:

Every time I wonder if I’m the only one still suffering from Round 6 even two weeks in, im reminded that each of us in the Ivan/Till tag are ALL still suffering and looking for solace. Thank you for all those wonderful comments, they helped me cheer up after my finals!

Ong Ivan you deserve to be loved back and we'll make it happen no matter what