Chapter Text
I went one for one
Before casting out
The mistake I’ve made
It can’t be turned around
May Twentieth,
201M2037,
Volcaldera Bluffs,
Weather Conditions; Starting to get hot as fuck
A loud bang, a dizzying spin, screams, gunfire, darkness. My eyes try as much as they can to open, to behold the carnage that had begun to unfold around us. No dice. C’mon Mous, get your bearings.
Our convoy was on the way to pick up a VIP from some shitty little town in the middle of bumfuck nowhere and on our way back an explosion went off between our humvee and the one ahead, the one ahead reduced to a smoldering wreck. We were just close enough to only total ours, and luckily no one got seriously hurt, even with my arm so close to the window. I roll onto my side to try to get up and I’m met with the sound and agonizing feeling of crunching in my left arm. I fall flat on my face and am grabbed by my back strap to be lifted, but about halfway up, before a foot can get under me, the unmistakable crack and splat of a life ended is heard close behind and my face meets the dirt again.
I awaken as I come into contact with the ground, shooting up from the shock of the dream and clutching the nub where the rest of my forearm had been, grimacing at the ugly stump taking the place of where half my forearm and my hand were. The realization setting in that I’m home, safe, and the past behind me, I fall back onto the pillow behind my head, letting my breathing slowly even out.
It had been four days since coming back to this shitty one-bed-one-bath apartment in skin row. Never had I thought I’d come back here after all this time, but of course, being the model parents mine were, they didn’t respond to my calls to find out about going back home. SO, back in this shitheap of an apartment complex. Familiarity beats out hostility any day. Though, it did feel like I hadn’t seen them in a lifetime. “College or the service, I don’t care which” What a great last memory I have of seeing them, of hearing from them in general for that matter.
But something gnaws at me as I lay here, keeping me from drifting back to sleep, what if I see HER again? We were high school sweethearts, graduated together, hell we practically lived together afterwards. Things were good, until one night when she said we should get married. I didn’t feel ready, it had only been a year or so since graduation, I loved her more than anything, but it was just too soon. We tried to talk it out, and voices slowly raised, before it was a shouting match. Some hurtful, terrible, things were said, Fang got all of her stuff into a bag and left, slamming the door.
I lay there for a while longer, reminiscing about the last few nights I’d had in town before wasting so much time in the army. Though I’m pulled from my thoughts by the familiar sound of my alarm coming to life, trying to do the work that the nightmare before had already accomplished. I slap my hand against the phone, dismissing the alarm and rising from my bed, doing some stretches and preparing for the day. Running down my checklist of things I need, nearly forgetting my wallet and room keys, I’m out the door to start with an early jog, the cool and misty morning air starting to warm up, as the oppressive Dinofornia sun gains height over the horizon
Passing some of the rundown apartment complexes in Skin Row and making it into the city proper, I feel my stomach remind me that it’s time for breakfast as it sounds its warcry for nutrition. Opting to stop at the next grocery store to grab a bite, I continue my run for another mile until one comes into view, “Claw-Mart”. Must be new. But then again it’s more likely that half the town is new in the amount of time I’ve been gone.
By the time I had made it to the shop and stepped into the cold air conditioning it felt like getting slapped in the face by Jack Frost’s dick. It takes a moment to adjust to the cold, choosing to nab a basket to grab a couple of small things for the fridge while I’m here, the inventory of which being a little slim. Taking a look around, the interior of the store screams that boring modern minimalistic design most companies use nowadays. As I walk around I consider my options, maybe a bottle of water and something small from the heated deli area would do the job. though both those are at the other end of the shop. Might as well look through aisles to make a mental note of stuff to grab later when I need to restock the fridge.
Meandering through the various aisles and getting a feel for where things are located, I turn a corner and make my way down the foreign foods aisle when about halfway down the aisle I notice a worker stocking shelves and am stopped in my tracks, the worker, shorter than me, slim, large light blue feathered wings. Surely, it couldn’t be her could it? A step closer, against the shelves opposite where she was working to avoid being spotted, black ripped jeans, a light blue t-shirt, and short silver hair. She turns to grab something from her shelved cart of stock and I catch a glimpse of her eyes, pure amber.
It had to be Fang, there was no other explanation. My blood runs cold, taking a few steps back and bumping into a rack I had forgotten about in my fear, the supposed “Fang” stops, looking up, their eyes looking at a package that had fallen over before meeting mine.
Time had stopped.
She hadn’t aged a day.
Confusion grew in her face, standing to full attention, her brow furrowed and eyes narrowed.
I turn to quickly move out of the aisles, to avoid the oncoming torrent of questions fueled by pent-up anger and vitriol over the ye-
A voice rang out, soft but accusatory, definitely not belonging to Fang.
“Dad?”
The next few seconds are all a blur, confusion and fear take the wheel as fight or flight kicks in, the basket slips from my stub, my body turns and my feet propel me forward in the opposite direction.
“Wait!” shouted out from the imposter Fang, as I make a mad dash to the exit, sprinting along the sidewalk following the beach that leads to SkinRow, passing the same homeless people and shady alleys. My lungs burn from the sprint, and as soon as my apartment comes into view it slows to a jog, but it does little to ease the burn as I climb the 3 flights of stairs to my apartment and get inside, almost slamming the door and putting my weight into it. I doubt I was followed but you can never be too safe.
I stay slumped against the door for another 10 or 15 minutes, and my lungs finally even out their breathing, my heart however, is still working like a racehorse. What the fuck was that? WHO the fuck was that? “Fuck.” I sigh out, my mind racing at possibilities, my mind looking for anything to grab onto that might explain what happened, my hands grab at the sides of my smooth head My breathing quickens again before finding myself sitting on the ground, my back against the door, feeling like the walls are closing in. I begin hyperventilating, and can do little to hold off a building torrent of thoughts, “Who is she?” “Where’s Fang?” “Where’s everyone else?” “Is there nothing left for me here, too?” “Am I alone now?”
That must be it. I’m alone here. I’ve been here almost a week and I haven’t seen anyone else I knew in my short time here. There was nothing to truly come back to, no “home” to come back to. Whatever that was at the store had to be my imagination, my mind looking for someone who’s no longer here. My eyes mist as the realization sets in; I'm truly and utterly alone, I stumble my way to the shitty mattress and face plant into it, my sweaty jogging wear clinging to me uncomfortably, but not enough to bother taking them off.
Laying there and staring at the wall, my mind does nothing but descend further and further down a spiral of self loathing and ruminations on the past, things that were said and done in my school time, and after with Fang. How long have I been laying here, wallowing in my guilt, self hate, and self pity? Minutes? Hours? Longer? My hunger had subsided who knows how many hours ago and hadn't returned, but it’s dark out now, how much of this was I awake, how much of this a dream? How long until this constant pain in my head and heart ends? Is there even an end to this?
It’s definitely the next day now, my eyes glazed over, still glued to the wall next to the bed, unmoving. My thoughts were searching madly for anything, any way to escape this place, to escape my thoughts, this room, this pain, but with funds hovering above 0 until my next disability check from the government, I had no options. Even if I had money, where would I go? Rock Bottom is a no, but I gotta get as far from here as possible. Only ghosts wait to haunt me and remind me of the past. I’m a cornered animal, with no hope to escape. These thoughts of a directionless escape persist as I finally get up to go to the bathroom to finally wash the stink from my rotted shambling corpse.
As I was stepping out of the tub, I nearly slipped, my remaining hand grabbing at the only nearby thing to try to stop myself and, I stop. The track to the glass panel to block the tub from view held my weight without fail. Carefully stepping to a less slippery floor, my tired eyes lock onto it. There’s my escape, but, what to take me away? What tool do I have to take me out of this unstoppable pain and torment that is all but doused by my own thoughts? Stepping from the bathroom, the almost afternoon light shining through the window, I look through my wardrobe for something long, lo and behold, my savior. The tie I wore to prom with Fang and a spare in case that one didn’t work out. Sorry dad, hope you won’t mind one more reason to be disappointed in me. Hope it’s strong enough.
Taking one of the ties and tying a ring around the track, with the other tied to the first, I give my best hoop and knot to the freely hanging end, before putting my head through, closing my eyes, and standing on the edge of the tub. This definitely won’t be quick and painless, but it's a means to an end. As I slowly begin stepping off the edge of the tub and feel the slack of the makeshift noose tighten around my throat, my thoughts are finally calmed, thinking only of the sweet relief of nothingness that is soon to come. “Let’s get this over with” I said with my final unimpeded breath as I slowly lay my weight into the cloth, the feeling of tightness against my airway getting harder to breathe as I slid my feet out from under me.
Seconds pass and I begin to realize how much this actually hurts. I grasp and claw at the cloth, this was a mistake. My feet kick, trying to get under me but they flail around, the floor still wet from getting out of the shower, knocking against the tub and pushing over various bottles. 3 loud bangs sound from the next room, but they’ll have to break the door down at this point. Trying to free myself is proving to be a sysiphian task as my vision begins to blur and darken, as I try and try to free myself from the impending end I sought so hard for only 5 minutes ago. My eyelids become weak, and struggle to remain open and a much louder BANG echoes within the bathroom walls. I manage a glimpse through the mirror that the door had been kicked in, two figures, one large the other smaller, come rushing in, muffled shouting, they enter the bathroom, darkness.
I’m out.
Notes:
First time writing in almost a decade, and, WOW what a first chapter. Buckle in, the road is long, and the road is dark.
This work is titled after a Radiohead song of the same name, exuding themes of Depression, Change, and Confusion.
This Chapter is titled after a Low Roar song of the same name, the lyrics telling a story of a man attempting on his life and realizing the mistake he'd made.
I'm still deciding on a few major story points as I go so more tags will be added as time goes on.
Chapter Text
May Twentieth,
201M2037,
Volcaldera Bluffs,
Weather Conditions; Starting to get hot as hell.
My alarm sounds, six in the morning, time to get ready. I roll out of bed and stretch my arms high up over my head and my wings out wide. Goddamn morning shift sucks, but, it’s a living. Gotta help out somehow over summer break, since uncle Naser moved away to a city a couple hours north.
Making my way over to my ward- er, mom’s, old wardrobe, I pick out a light blue Nine Inch Thagomizers tee, and a pair of black ripped jeans. It sucks that the work apron covers the logo on the front, it’s one of my favorites. After swapping out of my pajamas, I take a look around the room, at the few unpacked boxes that remain after these last few months. “Fuck” I sigh out, discouraged, as I grab my wallet and leave the room.
A quick hop down the stairs and to the kitchen, I realize I have about an hour before I gotta be at work; and thankfully a relatively short day today. Only a couple eggs left, but plenty of bacon. At least there’s something left to eat, grandpa Rip usually eats so much it’s always a gamble as to whether there’s food in the fridge or not.
The back door clicks and opens, grandma Sam walks in, looking exhausted and disheveled, her hair unkempt and nappy. A frown creeps across my face as I see her. Her brow furrows and peers around the room, before locking onto me. A plastic smile slaps onto her face and her back straightens out “Oh, good morning dear, time for work already?” she asked, her voice tired and raspy. “Good morning grandma. Yeah it is, woke up a little early, figured I’d make some breakfast, want some? There’s 4 eggs left, plenty of bacon.”
She looked off to the side for a moment, her smile faltering for only a few seconds, shaking her head and leaning against the door frame. She continues to look off into space a few moments longer before wordlessly stepping away, closing the door and moving into the living area to the couch, laying down. She’d been hit the hardest by what happened with mom, taking up smoking and drinking to try and cope.
Ugh, screw breakfast. I walk around to the front of the couch, leaning down to wrap her in an awkward hug, “Love you, grandma. It’ll get better I promise.” I tell her softly. “Love you too, sweetheart, and I know, it’s just gonna take some time for this old bird.” She says as her smile returns, without a hint of plasticity.
I stand back up, patting and rubbing her shoulder a little “I gotta run, you gonna be okay by yourself today? I have a short shift, so, I don’t know, we could get out of the house and do something.” She cracks open an eye, peering at me, waving her hand forward “Oh, don’t worry about me darling. I’ll find something to keep me busy until you get back, and that sounds lovely, there’s a new shop that opened in Lil Troo’ near your great uncle Moe’s old restaurant, we could check that out.” I smile and nod at her, turning and heading to the garage and opening the huge metal door, throwing on my helmet and pulling my bike from a rack on the wall.
The ride to work is quick and quiet, walking inside after locking my bike up. I’m a few minutes early, so I throw on my apron and clock in, checking my tasks for the day. Ugh, fuck, might be a short shift, but it’s gonna feel like forever; stocking all day it seems. I grab a cart with various dino specific brands and head to the aisle it’s designated for. First, frozen foods that just came off the truck.
I make it about halfway down the aisle with the high tech cooler-on-a-cart when my next item stares me down and I hesitate. Mom’s favorite brand of dino nuggets. “Fffffffuck…” I sigh as I grab the bag, staring at it as the weight shifts around. I miss her. My brow furrows and I shove it into the back of the freezer along with the other bags.
My hand balls up into a fist and hits the side of the closed freezer door next to mine. It’s been 9 long months, why can’t I just move on, grandma and grandpa depend on me. I move on quickly to the next item, bags of shitty assorted veggies, trying to distract myself as quickly as I can.
I finish off this and the next couple carts with relative ease, the note on the next one telling me to go to the foreign goods aisle, one that I dreaded, as there’s always a lot missing. I start working, slowly making my way down the aisle still devoid of people, locking the wheels as I get to a spot. I hear the footsteps of someone walking into my aisle. Fuck it, I’m almost done with my cart, I’ll help after, just a few more bags of rice annnd-
I hear a low thud behind me on my right. My head snaps to the source, peering over as I stand up straight, my head turning to look at what fell, a pack of those 30 second rice packs you microwave. The person dumb enough to knock it over? Taller than me, blue joggers, white shirt…skin and bald head? Wait. I think I know this idiot. Mom used to show me pictures of a human she used to date, who became my father, the one who fucking disappeared.
My brow furrows, eyes narrowing and I ask, trying to not make myself a fool if this were the wrong person “Dad?” my foot moves to take a step closer, but before it can plant on the floor, he drops his basket and turns to run. What the fuck? I start to follow but the lace of my apron gets caught on the cart and I’m forced to stop due to the wheel locks “Wait!” I cry out as he hits the end of the aisle and rounds the corner, out of my sight.
Fuck. FUCK! That was my chance, but, this means he’s back in town, I think to myself as My hands shake while I free my apron from the cart. I’ll have to ask grandpa Rip if he knows where he lives. I walk defeatedly over to pick up the basket he dropped, setting it onto my cart to put all his abandoned groceries back.
I finish out the last 2 hours of my shift with relative ease, though my mind is racked with questions “Why the fuck is he back”, “Why did he leave?”, “Has he heard anything about Mom?”, “Why the FUCK is he back?” My thoughts are interrupted as my phone vibrates, my alarm telling me my shift is over. Sighing and closing my eyes, I step off the wall I was leaning on and clock out, undoing and stuffing my apron in my locker, and heading up to the front to grab a bottle of water for the trip back.
I unlock and sit on my bike, throwing my helmet on and taking a drink of the water before it heats up, a thought passes through my head to ride around to try to find him, but, I don’t even know where to start. Volcaldera Bluffs is huge, and if I do, I told grandma Sam that we’d go check out that new place. Screw it, he can wait. I start my ride back home, still working hours so the streets are mostly empty.
I pull up into my walkway and knock on the door.I don’t hear anything. Maybe she’s asleep still? It’s almost 4, it’s not like her to nap so long. I put the code into the garage door to open it. Walking further in, I open the door leading inside slowly, creeping into the kitchen and peering into the living room where I last saw her. Nothing. “Hmmmmm” I hum, walking into the room, towards the couch.
There she is asleep, but, it’s not till I come closer that I see two bottles of alcohol on the floor next to the couch, one a clear square bottle with a black label, the other covered in a dark label. Bailey’s. She’d been drinking this early? I let out a sigh, turning and heading over to the fancy cup-based coffee machine, picking out a mug and a flavor of coffee for her and letting the machine do its job. Walking over and holding it out in front of her snout, the aroma invading her nose and one of her eyes shoot open, her hand slowly grabbing the hot drink before her, and sitting up slowly.
I sit next to her, wordlessly looking at the bottles on the floor in front of us. I break the silence after a few moments. “Did…you still want to go check out that shop in Lil Troo’?” I asked, my head turning to look at her. Her hair still disheveled and slowly losing its color from stress, she replied “Let me wake back up dear and we’ll see.” a small weak smile forming on her face.
I return the smile and nod, standing up and picking up the bottles, but before I can walk off, my wrist is grabbed. I look down at grandma Sam, her face pleading to me “Please…Don’t tell your grandpa. I told him I’d take it easy and stop but, it helps.” I give her a soft smile, nodding to her as she lets go. Stepping back into the kitchen I place the bottles into the chilled fridge.
A couple hours later, when grandma sobers up, she tells me that we should go out another time, as Grandpa would be back soon. We start a slow cooker recipe and let it cook, talking on the couch about our day. I skip the part about the bald human I’d seen in the store. I’ll tell grandpa Rip when I see him, I don’t want to put more onto grandma Sam’s plate than there needs to be.
Another hour or two passes before the front door opens, grandpa Rip stands in the door frame, his age catching up with him on top of stress. When I look at old photos of him, I see a hulking mass of muscle and imminent danger that he used to be, but now he’s lost some of that mass, the face of rage prominent in most of his older pictures replaced with exhaustion and a thousand yard stare.
I wave and smile at him “Hey grandpa! Hope work went well! Food’s almost ready.” His eyes traverse around the room to meet mine and he lets out a sigh, a smile forming from the corners of his mouth. “Work was alright Amber, thanks.” he mutters out, while taking his shoes off near the door, before walking up the stairs and disappearing from view. I look over to grandma, who’s setting some bowls onto the kitchen island in front of 3 chairs.
Dinner is quiet as usual, with grandma asking grandpa about work, telling him about my day and ‘what she got up to’, skipping a certain part. When we finish eating, I clean our bowls and utensils, and when grandma leaves to use the bathroom I turn my attention to grandpa who’s looking down at his hands.
“Hey…Grandpa?”
“Yes Amber?”
“Could I talk to you about something privately before bed tonight? There’s something I wanted to ask you about.”
“If it’s about boys, the answer is no.”
“What? NO, no. Just something weird that happened at work I needed your help with. I didn’t tell grandma because I didn’t want to give her something else to worry about..”
“Something bad?”
“N-Not necessarily, at least, I don’t think so? Just something happened that raised some questions.”
“I see, well, I can spare some time here soon. After your chores are finished, of course.”
Fuck, I forgot to do my chores.
About an hour after I initially talked with grandpa Rip, and all my chores are done, I grab the family photo album and walk up the stairs. He should be in his study now. I knock lightly against the door, and he opens it after a moment, still looking just as exhausted. He steps to the side letting me walk in and I do, sitting in one of the leathered chairs, opposite to his.
He takes a seat and looks at me “Well? What happened Amber?”
“Well… I was at work stocking, and… I heard something get knocked over, and I turn around and it’s this human, just standing there. Just staring at me like he’d seen a ghost.” I say, fidgeting with my hands in my lap, looking at them
“Do you want me to have someone watch over you at work to make sure that this guy doesn’t try anything?” His fist balls up, a grimace forming on his face at the mention of a human.
“Well, n-no. See, I remember mom talking about a bald human that was my father, but that he disappeared. I think it was him. I think he’s back in town, an-” I’m cut off by grandpa Rip’s fist slamming against the arm of his chair, the face of anger he’d worn for years back upon his face. I opened the book of photos, avoiding his fiery gaze, flipping until I find the pictures of Mom and a bald human, a younger version of the man I saw today.
“This is him right? This is who I saw at the store. But…He looked like he’d seen the end of days.” I turn the book to face him, pointing at the human.
He looks at the pictures, his face softening a little upon seeing his little girl again, resting the book in his lap, looking at the others. After a few moments he closes the book, handing it back to me. Could just be the low light but I swear I saw a tear in his eye.
“Alright hun, what do you want to do?”
“Huh? Just like that? You don’t want to turn him into paste?” My brow furrows, my head turning to look at him.
“I’m going to have a TALK with him, but at the end of the day, regretfully, he’s still your father. I won’t hurt him unless he hurts you, or anyone else, as much as it pains me to not end him where he stands.” a slight malevolent grin creeps along the side of his face that I can see.
“Well. Do you think you’d be able to find where he lives? I have enough questions to fill an encyclopedia.” I put my hand over his fist and throw on my best puppy dog eyes for this next part “And do you think we’d be able to go find him tomorrow? I’m off tomorrow so I'll have plenty of time to talk.”
He lets out a low sigh, holding my hand in his “Alright hun, I’ll go make a call, see what we can find, and we’ll go find him in the morning. Eleven o’ clock sound good?”
A smile beams on my face. I squeeze his hand and he winces a little, my excitement making me forget how hard I’m gripping “Thanks grandpa! I’ll be up and ready!” I almost shout, my wings flapping a little at his response.
“No problem sweetie, just be ready, it’s been a long time, he might not be ready for all this. You might not like the answers he gives.” He looks me in the eye, and I nod. I’ve waited forever for this. I’m ready, and he damn well better be ready too. “Now hit the hay, big day tomorrow. “ I nod again and smile, leaving the room and almost skipping to my room. A big fucking day indeed. I swap into my PJ’s and hop into bed, closing my eyes and relaxing, trying to sleep quickly.
Easier said than done. I’m filled with so many emotions. Anxiety, excitement, fear, hope, all topped with a tinge of anger. How could he have left us? Without saying anything? For so long? I can’t tell what emotion is consuming me most. Everything feels like flood waters, overwhelming me and my heart rate picks up, hyperventilating a little as I try to calm down, deep breaths, count to 5 between inhaling and exhaling. It takes a bit to relax, my thoughts still restless, but eventually my mind fades into dreams.
I’m woken up by the morning sun shining through the curtains, and hitting my eyes. Groaning, I roll and check the time, ten thirty, my eyes shoot open and I hop out of bed to start rushing to get ready. Shower, teeth brushed, fresh clothes and I zip down the stairs, checking the time again. Eleven sharp. Grandpa is sitting on the short couch with a cup of coffee, ready to go, he spots me and smiles a little.
I almost hop into my shoes by the door, looking at him. “Cmon! Lets go!” I shout, and he stands, chuckling and grabbing his keys. As we step outside I see his patrol car in the driveway and I pause. “He’s in SkinRow. Safety precaution.” he says in response to my pause, looking down at me. I frown a little that he’d be in such a terrible place, but, beats being on the street I guess. I hop into the passenger seat and we start to head off.
The trip isn’t very long, and we park on the street in front of his apartment complex. I hop out of the squad car and stare up at the building. I thought I was ready for this but my feet won’t move, my heart rate picks up again, and my eyes start to widen, but grandpa puts his hand on my shoulder, a soft smile on his face, his head nodding toward the door. It’s time.
We scale the stairs slowly, floor 3, room 1. We’re here. I knock 3 times. Nothing, maybe it was too quiet? I look at grandpa and he knocks, much louder this time. Still nothing. Maybe he’s not here? I deflate a little and start to turn to leave but then an insanely loud bang and several smaller ones. “He’s in trouble!” I grab onto grandpa’s arm, and he grabs onto the railing of the staircase.
With one swift, hard kick he forces the door through the latch and door frame, the door swinging open and slamming against the wall behind it. We move in quickly, him first in case someone is here. The bangs continue from what we suspect is the bathroom, so grandpa tells me to wait and he rushes in.
“Holy FUCK, Amber get something sharp!” I start running before I can even think, and I grab the first knife I see from the kitchen, a steak knife, rushing into the bathroom. My eyes are met with a bald human hanging by a makeshift noose connected to the shower track.
Grandpa turns around and sees me, carefully but quickly taking the knife from my frozen hand, and cuts him free, and the bald human stops struggling.
“You bald fuck you’re not done here yet! Amber call an ambulance!” He loosens and pulls away the tie around his neck, lying the body on the cold tile floor and starting chest compressions on the almost lifeless body in front of him.
"Now!” He barks out in between breaths of mouth to mouth resuscitation. I shake out of my stupor, my hands shaking and fumbling with my phone as I dial the police. “Help…Ambulance…” and I repeat the address and door number to the person on the other end, before falling to my knees not far behind Rip, my legs splayed on either side of me, staring beyond the floor, my mind blank as my eyes well up.
Grandpa Rip finally stops giving CPR and he looks back at me, “He’s breathing again, but gonna be out cold for a while from the lack of oxygen. If the ambulance is quick he’ll be-” His eyes meet mine, and pulls me into his arms, hugging me tight. “Go sit in the other room, hun.” I nod, and pick myself up, moving into the other room to sit on the edge of his tiny mattress.
A few minutes later and the sound of sirens approaches, then two EMTs come in, wheeling in a stretcher to pick up the still unconscious man in the bathroom. My dad. Did I do this? I look down at my still shaking hands, a tear falling onto them. I’m crying. For the first time in a long time. I look up through sniffles and tear filled eyes to see Rip putting a hand on my shoulder. He kneels and pulls me into another hug. “It’s not your fault, Amber.”
The same words he said to me last year. I can’t hold back the dam, and sob quietly into his shoulder, holding onto him tightly, my heart feeling like it’s being cut from my chest. The next few minutes are spent crying into his shoulder before I can breathe normally again, standing again, my hands limply falling to my sides. Grandpa puts his hand on my back without saying a word and leads me down the stairs and to the first responders downstairs.
We hop into grandpa's squad car, the EMTs had told him where they were going, so we went as well. Stopping at the front desk to get information, they say he’s being looked over but thanks to us he’ll be able to receive visitors shortly. My eyes sting and my eyes feel heavy, so I get comfortable in my chair, resting my heavy eyes for a little. A couple minutes turn into a couple hours as I doze off, my eyes flying open as grandpa shakes my shoulder lightly.
A short gray compy stands in front of us, wearing a lab coat and holding a clipboard. He tells us that he is doing alright, and should wake up within the next couple hours , and gives us the room number he’s in. Second floor, left hall, room 23.
As soon as a nurse leaves his room, we make our way in. Once inside we sit in the few chairs that are in the room and wait. That’s all there is to do. I look over to Grandpa on my right and ask “Should we tell grandma we’re here?” “If it gets too late, I will. Don’t wanna add more to her plate like you said.” he responds, his eyes unmoving from the sleeping human in front of us, the gentle beeping of the equipment telling us he’s still here.
Sitting there for what feels like hours, I fidget with my hands, occasionally looking up from them to look for any signs of life from the man who supposedly is my father. Every second feels like an eternity, but the doc said he’s fine aside from how he’ll feel when he wakes up. I grab onto both of my hands and hold them to my head under my chin, my eyes closed, praying to Raptor Jesus or whoever is up there that he’s truly okay.
Another hour passes, and the light rustling of the hospital sheets breaks the silence in the room. His arm moved. His eyes are fluttering open, and he looks like he’d just been hit by a truck. I stand, rushing to the side of his bed, looking down at him, my eyes misting. This is my chance, after waiting my entire life to see the man who brought me into this world and ask him a million questions. But he beats me to the punch with a question of his own.
“Fang?”
“N-no. Amber.”
Notes:
Sorry for both the second cliffhanger, and to make you go through all that again. But, we know who saved Anon, what Amber's situation is like, and now it's time to step back into the shoes of our bald creature.
This chapter is titled after an instrumental piece from Nine Inch Nails.
More to come, of course! I don't really want to stick to a schedule, and keep this as a fun side thing but not suuper long of a wait. This time I just got excited to tell more of what I'm cooking up!
Chapter Text
I don't know what to say when people come apart
The road is long, the road is dark
And these are just the words to somebody else's song
“How can you not be ready to start the rest of your life! It’s been a whole year since graduation, we’ve been living together since then, and you don’t feel like it’s time to start the next chapter of our lives together?” She- no, THEY almost scream at me. Fang.
“It’s not that I don’t want to marry you Fang, it’s just, you don’t think that we should find a better place than this shitty apartment first? Maybe get out of SkinRow? Create careers for ourselves first? Your band isn’t making enough for us to be comfortable. Maybe find something to actually make money off of so we can settle in.” Sh-They are taken aback, staring at me with a look of utter shock.
“My band is the reason we got together in the first place, ignoring Naomi pulling the strings and picking your classes. Things have been rough, sure, I’ll give you that, but do you know how hard it is for a solo act to get a gig in this town? Besides, what have you been doing besides hoping to make it big with your crypto thing? I don’t see you out there burning your bald ass in the sun all day. Maybe dad was right. Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten with some skinnie nobody from some dust bowl town.” Now it’s my turn to give them a look of shock, as they say this, pacing around the room, huffing and brow furrowed, more angry than sad. I’m getting tired of this game of identities.
“Yeah well maybe if you’d stop with pretending to be something you’re not you’d have an easier time finding a job. Who the fuck wants to hire someone who says ‘Uhm actually it’s they/them’ within 5 minutes of meeting them? I’ve put up with this game for long enough, and called you what you wanted because it made you happy. If you’re gonna play dress-up with your identity at least look the part. You don’t even make a passable faggot.” The words come out before I can stop them. Fang turns to face me, her eyes misty, wide with shock. “Fang, I- '' Their head shakes. I crossed the line 30 yards back.
“Don’t say another word. You got your point across.” They mutter out, grabbing their suitcase and stuffing their things into it. I watch Fang grab their stuff, their face shifting between sorrow, fear, and anger. Tears flow despite all the conflicting emotions. They stood with their bags full and in front of the opened door, back faced me.
“Trish was right about you.” Fang steps out into the hall, their eyes catching mine. I can feel my heart shatter. I fucked up. They drop their bag and reach in, grab the door handle and slam the door shut. The lights go out, and my throat begins to burn. I grab at my neck and try to put out the pain, but it persists, choking out my breathing, tightening in on my airways, my eyes closed despite my fighting. What’s going on?
My eyes slowly flutter open and I’m met with bright LED lights, an all white room, a soft beep and a low hum of equipment. A hospital room. By the time my eyes fully open and begin to adjust, focusing on the room, I’m met with a silvery ghost next to the bed I’m in, two big amber eyes dialed in on me. Wait, is that? “Fang?”
Her eyes soften, somber. “N-No, Amber.” My brow furrows, confused. A new name. The still mostly blurry figure, now known as Amber, sees the confusion in my face, holding on to the handle of the bed with both her hands, her own face turning into worry as her features come into view.
God whoever she is, she looks almost exactly like Fang, but with short hair, and an orange bandana tied to her crest. It’s almost uncanny, if you dressed them the same you’d not be able to tell the difference between them.
“Anon…I uh. Do you remember me? You saw me at the grocery store the other day.” She asked, her voice cautious and almost at a whisper.
“Yeah, I remember you. Sorry for running. You just look exactly like someone I knew. Someone I loved. Long ago. It’s almost scary how much you two look alike. Do you know her? Her name’s Fang, we went to Volcano High together.”
Her face changes, more sad after I ask whether or not she knew Fang. Something’s up. Who is she?
“Well, uh. If you remember back at the store. I called you dad. I’m-I’m your daughter. That’s why you thought I was her. Fang was my mom.” Wait. My daughter? That’s impossible. Fang never told me she was- Wait wait wait. She said Fang WAS her mom?
“Was…your mom? What happened? Where is Fang?” She winces a little, and looks off to the side, away from me. Tough subject? Something happened, and I need to know.
“Later. After you get out of here. I promise. I don’t want to talk about that right now, right here.” She responds, turning to look back at me, her piercing amber eyes crushing my heart, reminding me of Fang. Every second not knowing where she is and if she’s okay makes my chest hurt, but I nod to her. A stuffy hospital is no place to be digging up old skeletons.
I sit up a little and look around the room, ignoring the burning sensation on my neck, the cause of me being here, my own panic induced answer to a perceived threat when there was none. I’m not alone. At least not entirely.
As I start to relax, the sound of a creaking chair is heard, and a large gray shadow moves towards me. Is this the grim reaper? Finally come for my soul? Out from the shadows steps Ripley, the man who once threatened to cleave my skull with a nine iron for simply being in the same room as Fang. But he looks as though age had been catching up to him, he’s thinned out quite a bit, no longer the walking boulder he once was.
The anger filled expression he always had cemented to his face was gone, instead replaced by a small frown, his eyes soft and not full of killing intent. Who was this man standing before me? What happened to him to make him so soft? I fear the answer to that, but a sneaking suspicion tells me that the whereabouts of Fang is to blame.
He steps up next to Amber, looking down at my sorry state, and opens his mouth to speak “Hey, kid. Been a long time, huh? After you get to your talk with Amber, I’d like some words with you as well.”
I nod to him with a “Yes, sir.” and move to grab the glass of water on the stand to my left but make no contact with it. Right. I look over at the two next to me, their mouths agape slightly at the sight of my missing hand. Guess they didn’t have time to see it back at my apartment, with everything going on.
I clear my throat to grab their attention and nod my head towards the table on wheels. Rip snaps out of it, stepping around to the side to grab me the glass. The now lukewarm water still soothes my throat after all this talking and my own failed attempt at my life.
“What happened?” Amber breaks the awkward silence, still staring at the stump.
“Same thing that caused me to come back here. Was in the army the entire time I was gone. One day we had a mission to extract an informant out of some town in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. On our way back we got ambushed. A remote controlled explosive went off between my humvee and the one in front of ours. Unfortunately my arm was sitting on the edge of the window and, whether the blast, shrapnel, or whatever happened while I was out for the next few seconds, I next found out through sheer pain that the bones in my left arm had been shattered like glass. Medics told me there was no saving it. And here we are.”
“Raptor Jesus, son.” Rip breaks the few moments of silence, looking at me. Amber is still staring at my arm, her eyes flicking between me and it. I finish out the glass of water, and close my eyes again, setting the glass on the rolling table and rubbing my neck which still stings a bit from the friction.
The door suddenly opens and in walks a gray compy, assumedly the doctor who moves to the side of the bed opposite Ripley and Amber. “Good morning, Mr. Mous. Your uh, incident, left no serious bodily injuries to you, but we can’t hold you here for mental evaluation due to the laws of the state, so I can only put a strong recommendation to see a therapist. I don’t have a clue what would have driven you to what you did, but people care about you.” He hands me a slip with a name and phone number and I nod to him, both Ripley and Amber looking down at the floor.
“I appreciate it, doc, I really do, but I just got back into town after the service, and I'm still relying on government money. I can’t afford any kind of help. I don’t know how I’ll even afford this.” I look off to the side. It’s only been a week since I got back, so it’s not unusual to be without a job, but something about it is still embarrassing. He looks a little sad at my response, but nods along.
After some more talking between myself, the doctor, and my two visitors, I lower the railing on one side of the bed and stand slowly, the cold floor a shock to my feet. My clothes that I was wearing before are clean and folded in a chair next to the door out of the room so I change and get discharged. It’s still early morning, and my stomach grumbles at the lack of food, Amber and Ripley in front of me as we stand in the covered entrance as rain pours on.
Amber turns to look at me and speaks, “I tried to get a hold of one of the friends you and mom had, to tell them what happened, but he wasn’t able to make it on such short notice. Was a couple hours away for a business thing, didn’t elaborate.”
“Oh? Who?” I asked, I’d been gone a long time so the fact anyone remembers me or WANTS to see me is a shock.
“Reed, he owns a chain of medicinal dispensaries. Said he would be back as soon as he could, though.” She turns back around, us 3 standing on the edge of the dry coverage. My heart sinks a little knowing I’d have to reconnect with old friends after disappearing for so long. What would they think?
“Oh, nice. Glad to hear he’s doing well. I’ll have to get his number from you and give him a call. But uh. Mind if we get something to eat? Going on a couple days now I haven’t eaten.” Ripley grumbles at my question, but nods, throwing on a long overcoat and going out into the rain to get his car.
“Hey. About our talk. After you eat, we’ll have to bring you back to Grandpa Rip’s house. We had to kick in your door to save you, so you can’t stay at your apartment for the night, the landlord said it’ll be fixed by tomorrow. I’ll tell you everything you want to know after brunch.” Amber says to me, looking up at me as Ripley pulls into view in front of us, and I respond with a nod.
I chuckle to myself. He brought the patrol car. I guess he gets his long awaited wish to have me in the back seat, minus the cuffs. After a short ride we pull up to the agreed upon place, a 24-hour trucker rest stop called “Pancake House” and sit in a booth, Ripley and Amber on one side, me on the other. The brunch is rather uneventful, and quiet. The bulk of the conversation being a rather reluctant apology from Rip about breaking my door to save me, and officially offering to let me sleep on the couch for the night.
After I pay the tab for us with much argument, me citing that they saved my life it’s the least I could do, we hop back in the patrol car, and head to Casa del Aaron. A pit is forming in my gut, remembering the other members of the Aaron family I’m yet to meet again. I wonder what Naser has been up to. He's always been a bro. We pull up into the garage and the car turns off, but before anyone steps out, Rip turns his head, almost looking through me. “Sam. Hasn’t been doing well. I know you don’t know everything just yet, but don’t mention Lucy- er, Fang. Not while Sam is in earshot.” I nod, not breaking eye contact, and he lets out a long sigh.
We step out of the car, prepared for the worst, and step inside. Not much has changed of note, outside of the house being quiet, save for the quiet drone of the rain. As we walk into the living room all the memories of being here on prom night so many years ago flood to the front of my mind. Came here to pick up Fang, snuck out, had some drinks on the beach, layed and watched the stars for a few hours, shared a sandy dance, and then brought her back home.
I sit in a barstool at the kitchen island, looking around the room. Amber looks at Rip and he leaves the room, closing the door to the kitchen behind him. Guess it’s time. Amber takes a seat opposite me on the island, her hands on the countertop, holding themselves. She takes a deep breath, staring at her hands. “It was nine months ago. First week of Junior year.”
Nine Months Prior
Amber
These assemblies always suck and take forever uggggh, and none of my friends told me where they were gonna skip to. Today’s topic: starting off the year on the right foot and planning for the future since we’re over the halfway point. Hopefully it won’t be a long one so I can get home quicker. Mom said we’d go out for dinner today since she got some extra hours last week at her job.
After about 45 grueling minutes we’re finally released, the assembly running fifteen minutes longer than usual because some kid passed out from dehydration and fell on the bleachers. Hope mom won’t be upset, she said we’d go right when I got home, but it’ll take twenty minutes to get back home, assuming it’s quiet all the way home.
I make it to our shitty little 2 bed 1 bath apartment in Skinrow, climb the stairs to the second floor, fish out my key and unlock the door. “Mom, I’m home!” I say just above talking volume, as I walk into the living room. No response. She should be home, she was off work an hour ago. I knock on the door to her room, then open it slowly in case she’s taking a nap, but her bed is empty. Nothing in the kitchen, but one more room to check. I knock on the bathroom door, still silent.
I twist the knob and slowly push the door in, but am met with resistance, and a low groan. My heart rate picks up, trying to push the door open more. Mom’s on the ground, wedged in the space between the door, the shower, and the sink, blocking the door. I force the door open some more, enough so I can see her through the crack, and push her over and away from the door, and she falls away. I pull my hand back to make another push but notice my palm is cold, and wet. Red.
Was she over-preening again? My heart rate speeds up more, pushing harder on the door, her legs finally moving and giving way for the door to open wide for me to behold the room. There's blood everywhere. In the middle of the floor; an empty syringe. I hyperventilate, leaning down next to her and turning her onto her back in the middle of the floor. I grab my phone to call the police, putting it on the ground after pressing the call and speaker phone button
I grab my mom by her shoulders and shake her, “MOM C’MON GET UP” I say frantically, looking for a pulse on her neck, she’s still here. The phone is answered and I try as best I can to tell them my address, my voice choked up, frantic, and fighting sobs as I lightly slap her cheeks to get her to wake up.
My hands tremble as I shake her again “Mom this isn’t funny! C'mon, wake UP!” one of her eyes fluttered open for a second but close back down, almost got her.
I try to pat her cheeks more, her eye opens halfway “Ohhhhh, Ammber, you shhhould have left for schooool already…”
She goes back out like a light and I panic again, patting her cheeks faster. “Mom! Please! Wake up, PLEASE, I need you!” I start to sob, holding her tight in my arms, feeling her hand grasp my arm.
“I’m ssssorry baby, don’t hate meeeee.” She slurs out, caressing my arm, as her hand moves to part the hair from my face, looking at me through half lidded eyes, struggling to stay open.
“I don’t hate you, just please get up!” I almost scream, holding onto her tighter, but I feel her hand fall from my cheek. My breath spikes and I feel for her pulse again, this time it’s way slower. The sound of sirens approaches and I squeeze her to my chest, sobbing harder. “WAKE UP. PLEASE MOM, DON’T LEAVE ME”
Her eyes cease movement, her body goes fully limp, a smile on her snout before she can utter another word. I wail, screaming my sobs and crying as the medics rush in. I can’t hear them asking me to move to the side so they can help, so one picks me up, but I just grasp on tighter to my mother. After a moment they pry me away, setting me on her bed, and putting her on a stretcher.
I try to answer questions from a medic as the others try to use a defibrillator to restart her heart, and they tell me that the police are here to take me to a legal guardian, that they’ll bring her back and that everything would be okay. I know she’s gone. I sit there, looking down at my hands for a few moments, sniffling and wiping tears away as I continue to sob on the edge of the bed.
After some minutes go by, a large hand lands on my shoulder, and I look up to see a uniformed grandpa Rip, tears in his face as he kneels down to pull me into a hug and I cry into his shoulder, holding onto him tightly. “It’s my fault, Grandpa. I was late getting home today. If I were just a little faster, if I…I…She would still be…” His grip on me tightens and he shakes his head.
“It’s not your fault, Amber.” He stops me in my tracks, but it does little to stop my thoughts. If I were just a little sooner she’d still be here.
We sat there for a while longer. Crying and hugging each other. After maybe 30 minutes, my tears stopped, but not because I was done, I just had run out of them. “C’mon Amber.” I stand and follow him, but stop in my tracks, noticing an envelope on her dresser, with a small box under it. Both with my name on them.
I look at grandpa Rip and he gives a nod, so I stuff the box in my pocket, leaving the apartment, and locking the door. We get in his patrol car, and drive to my grandparents house. My new home for the foreseeable future, where we had to break the news to grandma Sam, and all of us mourn together in the middle of the living room. I don’t sleep this night or the next. A couple days later they finally tell us that her cause of death was drug related, inducing a panic that caused her to aggressively over-preen all over her body. The combination of the two had caused her heart to slow to a crawl and eventually just stop all together.
Modern day
Anon
I sit there, mouth agape, tears streaming down my face. Fang’s gone. Amber sits there, her own tears falling from her snout, and sniffling. I had the feeling something was up, but not anywhere near this. My heart feels like it’s been shattered, and I stand up, my hands shaking. I need air. I need a smoke. Stepping out of the kitchen and onto the back patio, reaching in the bag of personal belongings I had on me, and pulling out my pack of cigarettes and a lighter, lighting up and taking a long slow drag.
The burn on my lungs is harsh and the nicotine exquisite, slowly calming my nerves down until my hands don’t shake anymore. I stare at the ground and shake my head, my thoughts flooding with thoughts of memories of us, the weight becoming unbearable as I nearly fall onto my ass, my back against the brick wall. Fuck. I look up to the dark storm clouds, thunder rumbling and rain pitter pattering away on the metal awning.
I sit there till the light on my cigarette goes out, before the door opens and out steps Amber. Stains on her face from her makeup running, she sits next to me, looking up at the storm clouds. “I’m sorry I was never here. Did Fang ever tell you what happened?”
Her head continues facing the clouds, but her eye flicks to me. “Some. She told me you were my father. You two got into a fight because she wanted to get married, but before she could try to talk to you about it, you were gone from your apartment. Without a trace. Now I know it was to the army.”
I shake my head, pull out and light another cigarette. “That’s most of the story, yeah. But, there’s one key thing she left out. She never told me you were on the way. I assume now that the marriage fight was just because she wanted to surprise me that she was pregnant with you. It all feels so…” My hand rolls in the air, trying to find the right words. “Childish. And we were still so young, just barely adults. When she left during the fight, I thought we were done and through. And so with that I had nothing left for me here. My folks back in Rock Bottom would want nothing to do with me. So I left. God. Maybe if I stayed an extra day. Maybe she’d still be here.”
She sniffles a little, and shakes her head “I thought the same. That maybe if I had come home a little earlier then she’d still be here.” a tear runs down her face, and I shake my head in turn
“Hey, if I’m not allowed to hold any blame, neither can you.” I take a long and slow drag from my cigarette, my arms draping over my knees, outstretched in front of me.
“Look at you, making demands like a parent who’s always been here.” She scoffs, her brow furrowed a little.
“Look, if I had known you were on the way, I promise you, I would have stayed and things would have turned out differently. But here we are, now. I know I’m just a stranger to you now, but I look to change that. At your own pace. When you’re ready.” My head turns to look at her, my eyes still tired. But when her head turns and our eyes meet, it’s like looking at Fang all over again. That’ll take some getting used to.
“I…Appreciate it, Anon. It’ll take some time to adjust, but I’m glad I finally get to meet you.” she smiles a little, before looking back up to the storm clouds.
The door opens for a third time this evening, this time Ripley coming outside. He seems tired, and I guess that I was the only one who got some sleep last night, though not of my own choice and not nearly as long as I need. He spots us next to the door, and walks to stand in front of us, his arms crossing in front of his chest.
“Smoking on my property’s not allowed, son.” his signature grimace appears on his face and I put it out, grabbing the spent butt and tossing them in the trash.
“Sorry sir, just needed to calm my nerves after-” He puts a hand on my shoulder and nods, before looking at Amber and gesturing his head towards the door.
“I understand son, just don’t let it happen again. Amber, I only need to borrow him for a few minutes.” She gets to her feet, walking back inside. Just me and Rip. If it were anyone else, I’d be hearing Bill Withers.
“You’ve been gone a hell of a long time, son. Missed a lot. I know Fang didn’t tell you Amber was on the way, and I feel for you, but leaving was not the right response after one little fight, Anon. You were stupid kids back then, I get it, but if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t have disappeared. As for Amber, she’s your daughter, but I’m still currently legal guardian. You do anything to hurt her, and there’s gonna be a hell of a lot more missing than your left hand.” I’m not the lanklet I was back then, but, MAN, ptero claws fucking HURT. I nod to him, holding out my hand for a shake.
“I know I missed a lot sir, and it breaks my heart to know that I missed out on 17 years of my daughter’s life. I won’t be missing any more. As for what happened between me and Fang, the way it ended seemed and felt like a break up. After that I was scared. I had nothing left here, and I couldn’t go back home to my parents. It felt like my only option. Looking back now it was a dumb mistake, and I’d take it all back, given the chance. I told Amber that I’m here now, and want to be a part of her life and be the father I never got to be. At her pace, whenever or if ever she’s ready. If not, then I’ll respect her decision.” I stare him in the eye, I meant everything, I hope to Raptor Jesus he can see that.
His hand meets mine and we shake hands, his grimace turning to a slight smirk. “Alright, son. I trust you to do right by her.” he says, staring into my soul, still searching for even a hint of a lie, but there’s none to be found.
He pats my shoulder, turning to walk back inside. The door clicks and I stand there on the patio, my eyes returning to the skies as the storm rages on.
Things feel almost nice, for once.
Notes:
The song this chapter is titled after is Long Road, No Turns by Daughters, chosen because the themes are about how everyone's lives are hard, and it can change at a moment's notice, leaving you broken and undone.
I had a tough time writing the flashback, emotionally, hope it shows.
And with that, we're now onwards and upwards. I don't have anything soul crushing planned for a while.
Chapter Text
You’re living in a fantasy world,
The most beautiful woman in the world,
Come back,
Come back.
I watched the storm for a while longer in their porch chair and check the time on my phone, seven in the evening. The door opens again and I turn my head to see Amber walking back out, holding a piece of paper in her hand with some scribbles. She takes a seat next to me and hands it to me.
“Here’s some of the phone numbers of your old friends. I had Reed, Naomi, Trish, uncle Naser, aunt Rosa, and aunt Stella. Though, the only person who knows you’re here is Reed.” She said, taking a seat next to me and handing me the sliver of names and numbers.
“Thanks, kid. I wasn’t best friends with everyone back then, but I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to see what everyone has been up to, if they don’t hate me for disappearing. I suppose Reed is first on the list.” I look over to her, then to the piece of paper, pulling out my phone to update the eons old contact within.
“Over the phone he seemed a little excited to hear you were back, so at least there’s that. I’m not sure how your friendships were with anyone else. I heard that you and Trish weren’t great friends to each other, but she's really mellowed out over the years.” Her finger taps on Trish’s name. I wish I could believe her, but since Trish was Fang’s best friend, something tells me she’d more likely hit me than greet me after everything.
“I’ll think about it. She really had it out for me when we were in school. Tried everything under the sun to keep me from your mom. Even showed the entire school some embarrassing stuff I did in my hometown that was the entire reason I came here to Volcaldera.” She smirks and nods at this.
“Yeahhh… One day Reed and Trish were over, reminiscing about back then with mom, and Fang and Reed had a small laugh about it, but Trish seemed a little regretful about what she’d done. Wouldn’t hurt to try and reach out some time?” I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to shoot her a text. But first Reed. I nod to her and open a text.
A: Hey, Reed! Long time no see. I’m back in town if you wanna meet and catch up some time!
I turn the screen off and set it down on the table, taking some deep breaths. “It’s been a looooong time since I’ve seen anyone. Would you happen to know if anyone in particular wouldn’t be too happy to see me?”
She scratches her chin, thinking back, before shaking her head. “No one said in particular they hated you after you left. Mostly just confusion, and wishing you hadn’t. At least that’s what I’ve noticed.”
The phone buzzes and I grab it, checking the messages, Reed had responded already, surprisingly.
R: Yooooo, what’s good compadre? Heard you were in the hospital for some reason. Was out of town for work though. I rushed back as soon as I could! I’m down for tomorrow if you’re not busy.
A: Tomorrow works! I’ll let you know when I’m ready and we can get some food or something.
Reed responds by sending a little cartoon of him with a thumbs up. Tomorrow then. Tomorrow I start picking up the pieces of everything I left behind. All the friends I left behind, everyone except…Fang. No, I can’t think about that now, she’d want me to make amends with everyone.
“Also, I know it’s none of my business, but I looked up the number of that therapist the doctor recommended at the hospital. It’s the same lady who helps grandma Sam through the loss of mom. She specializes in people who experience traumatic events. I think it’d be good to go. It’d help with what you went through in the army, and the news I just dropped on you.” She says while tapping on the table, looking off into the rain.
“Thanks, Amber. I…Appreciate the worry, but, like I said to the doc, I don’t know how I’d pay for it. Hard to work with just one hand, you know?” I scratch the back of my head, looking over at her
“Yeah, I know, I know. Maybe you could work with Reed somehow? Or, at my job they’re looking for a new security guy. Last one tripped on a wet spot and hurt his back real bad. Could be an easy in since you know me, and served in the military.” She looks back at me.
“Maybe, both sound fine. Depending on what working with Reed entails.”
“All I know is he’s got a chain of medicinal drug shops. You could ask him when you see him, though. I’m gonna go inside and get ready for bed. Been awake too long, and I work tomorrow.” She gets up from the chair next to me, heading back inside and I stand up and give a big stretch before following her in.
Stepping into the living room of the Aaron household is almost like being sent back in time, the smells, the sights. I walk in further to the room, sitting on the inflated air mattress and blanket that Ripley must have prepared. I fall onto my side, not even getting under the covers or changing into pajamas. The sleep I had in the hospital clearly wasn’t enough because I’m out like a light in under five minutes.
The few dreams I have are more of the same; nightmares of my time in the desert, of the night me and Fang had our fight. However, before long there’s a new one. I find myself in a familiar pizzeria. Dino Moe’s. I walk in through the door, and am greeted by the sound of a soft piano being played. The melody sounds so familiar but I can’t place where I’ve heard it before, the memory connected to it feels so distant but it’s screaming in my face.
I turn into the dining area from the reception and at the far end at the piano is a familiar gray blur. Every step I take closer the room seems to extend, placing her further from me. I start jogging but the distance only gets further and further, though the music remains just as soft and somber, as if she were still only mere feet from me. I’m sprinting, reaching out, calling her name but nothing comes out of my mouth and she’s only a dot in the distance, before my foot catches on the floor and I trip.
As I hit the floor I shoot up from my slumber to full attention. The sun is shining through the glass, and a soft clink from the dining area. Ripley is sitting at the island, facing my direction, and a grimace appears on his face as his eyes meet mine. I roll hop out of bed, fold the sheets and walk towards the island.
“Good morning, sir.” I greet.
“Mhh.” he grunts, sipping from his cup of coffee.
“Everyone else gone for the day already?”
He responds with a nod, closing his eyes and holding the mug close. Must still be waking up, so I simply sit at the island, opposite him, and pull up my phone. New text from Reed, Stella, Rosa, some notifications from snootbook…Wait. Stella? Rosa? I never gave them my…Reed, guess I’ll check his message first.
R: Sup compadre! I was talking with Stella and Rosa and mentioned you were back and they asked for your number, so expect a message from them! Also, we never talked about a time and place so shoot me a text when you see this.
I groan and look at the messages from Stella and Rosa, just greetings, wanting to get together as a group of three to catch up and reconnect, moreso Stella over Rosa, who just was happy that I was back home and safe. But there was at least one more phone number I needed, it was only right.
“Hey, Rip? Could I get Amber’s number from you? I need to head back to my place so I can get cleaned up, got some stuff to attend to.” I ask, turning to him.
“Didn’t get it from Amber?”
“No, I wanted to before I left, but she never told me she worked early today.”
He just grunts in response, and pulls out his phone, holding it out to me to copy it into my own contacts. I shoot her a text, telling her this is my number, and that I’m leaving to get cleaned up and meet with Reed. I grab what’s left of my stuff and head out the door to catch the next bus.
Walking up to my new door and into my apartment, it’s been left exactly as it was a couple days before. I sigh, grabbing a clean set of clothes and hopping in the shower, thinking about the recent events, the news of Fang’s passing, and the dream I had. It all feels so surreal. Coming back home and finding out I have a daughter with my recently dead girlfriend that I essentially left without a trace. If only she’d just told me from the get go that she was pregnant. Everything would be different.
After I clean up and get dressed, I shoot a text to Reed, letting him know I’m back home and ready to go, telling him that we could grab some burgers. He replies with the same cartoon doodle of him with a thumbs up and an address. Which doesn’t really answer the question.
Fuck it. I check on Gruugle Maps how long it’d take to get to the burger joint by foot. About thirty minutes, so I’ll just go and wait for him to get there.
After the short walk in the hot, almost summer sun, I arrive at the shop. Apparently some new chain popping up on the West coast called Burger Emperor. Reed suggested it, so hopefully it’s good. I step inside and pick a booth near the door so I can easily spot him, assuming I can recognise him. This is Reed though, I know it’s been a long time, but how much different could that stoner look?
Minutes pass, and I pull my phone out, about to text him and ask where he was, when the door dings and I look to see an almost familiar pink raptor in a black dress shirt and pants, a goatee, and long hair up in a ponytail. My brow naturally furrows, unsure who would dress a hippie up like that, when he locks eyes with me and his face lights up, walking my way.
“Yo, Anon!” A bright smile shines on his face as he walks over, his hand raising halfway and giving a small wave
“Listen buddy, I don’t know who you are, but I’m here to meet with my buddy Reed.” He laughs at that, sitting in my booth, holding out a hand for a shake, and I take it, laughing at my own joke.
“It’s been too long amigo, how have you been?” He settles into the booth, looking at me with a big grin on his face.
“I’ve…been better. A lot of things I missed in my absence, trying to process it all is a real trick on top of the stuff I did and saw in the army.” I rub the back of my neck with my hand, and hold up my stub. “Might have left something behind while I was there, though” He winces at my poor joke despite my chuckling.
“Yikes dude. That’s rough. I won’t pry, though. But yeah. You’ve missed a lot, unfortunately. Though I know it’s not all your fault. If you need help reacclimating to civvie life, let me know. I managed to make it big off crypto so I opened a couple medical drug stores. Not to mention I still do music stuff over the weekends, DJing at clubs. Could use some muscle there, or I’d be happy to put you in a store.” His smile reels back as he starts, but it reappears when he offers me a job to do. It sounds nice. But almost too good to be true.
“What’s the catch with either?” My brow cocks and I look him in the eye.
“No catch, if you work at my shop I get a small tax break for employing a “disabled veteran” plus it’s easy work, just simple cashier duties. Helping me with the DJ work is on the DL, just need help moving equipment, or dealing with someone who’s unruly. You’d get free rides for that, wherever the venue is, courtesy of me, whether it’s me picking you up, or a taxi.” He smirks, shrugging and holding his hands atop the desk.
“Any benefits with the day job?” I relax and sit back in the booth.
“Full medical, psychiatric included, since a lot of our employees are into the use of drugs as a coping mechanism due to past traumas.” He sits back into his side as well.
“I’ll…definitely think about it, Reed. I appreciate it. Amber also offered to help me get in at her job at ClawMart.”
“Aw man, you know that’s a primarily dino store right? They’ll be all like. Super weird to you man.” he gets closer to the table, almost whispering this.
“Really? Man, I don’t know, a job’s a job. It’s security so they’d be treating me weird anyways.”
“Yeah, a job’s a job, but wouldn’t you want something more laid back and not so hectic?” Fair point, it’d be quieter there, plus the benefits are nice, I could see that therapist.
“I guess. It does sound enticing. I don’t know, I’ll think on it, let you know by the end of today. Now let’s get some food, man, I’m starving.” He perks up to that and almost hops out of the seat.
“Me too, hombre. I wasn’t sure what time we’d be going so I haven’t eaten yet.”
“My bad Reed, weird dreams, slept in.”
“S’all good, man.”
We get to the cashier, order our food, and sit back down, Reed insisting on paying for lunch. Probably trying to butter me up to work for him, but he makes an enticing offer. After a few minutes of waiting in silence, eagerly watching the counter, they call out our order. A spicy chicken sandwich for Reed, and a bacon cheeseburger for me.
Reed takes a bite of his sandwich eagerly, and looks at me, talking with his mouth full. “So Anon, what have you been up to in your time back? Why were you in the hospital?”
“Chew your food, man.” I shake my head and chuckle, some splatters of chicken bits landing on his plate. “I’ve only been here about a week, so nothing crazy, really. I’d rather not talk about the hospital trip here, if you don’t mind.”
He just nods his head and swallows his food, holding up an “Okay” sign with his hand and takes a sip from his water. I finally bite into my burger and I can see why he wanted to come here. It’s juicy as hell, and the bacon is nice and crispy. Damn worth the money, I’d say.
We finish up, clean the table, and head outside to Reed’s van, one of those expensive new EV vans where he wastes no time to ask his question again.
“So, what’s with the hospital visit? Amber didn’t fill me in, just asked me to come to the hospital where you were. Sounded urgent. No lying to me bro, I want all the deets.”
So I reluctantly explain everything that’s happened the last few days to him, starting from being discouraged from the military. His reactions change depending on what part I’m telling of my story, from coming home, my encounter with who I thought was Fang, being sent into an anxiety and depression fuelled suicidal episode and attempt, then staying the night at the Aaron household for the night.
“So, yeah. That’s what I’ve been up to since coming back. Half the reason that I’m considering working with you so hard is that both the hospital and Amber have recommended a therapist, but I just got back, no way to pay for it.” I lean against his van, looking up at the sky.
He scratches under his chin, thinking. “You got the number of this shrink? Wonder if I might know ‘em.”
I dig in my pocket and pull it out showing it to him, a wide grin growing across his face. “Oh, I know ‘er. You’ll be in good hands, she’s great.”
My eyebrow cocks and I look at him “You’ve had her? What for?”
He laughs a little, leaning on the car opposite of me. “Nah nah nah, nothing like that. You’ll see.”
I shake my head and chuckle a little. Guess I’ll have to wait and see what he means. We sit there for a few minutes longer, watching the clouds go by and talking a little bit more about the past. Times have changed so much, I’m weary to see how different everyone else is. Rosa, Stella, Trish, Naser, and Naomi. Five more names, five more people to meet. I can at least find out now what one of them is like.
“How’s uh…How’s Trish? Amber told me she mellowed out. She still hate my guts?” I cross my arms, and cross one foot over the other as I shift position a bit.
He shrugs a little, looking off to the side. “After the band broke up, and after graduation, she slowly started to calm down, and realized that what she’d done was really over the top. She’s really like, totally different now. The way she acts, how she dresses, how she looks. Total 180.”
“But…Is she still out for my blood?” I ask, and he scratched under his chin, before shaking his head.
“Nah, I don’t think so. But I don’t think she’ll be elated to see you either. Kind of more indifferent, I guess? It’s been a long time since high school, dude. I can see if she’d want to hang some time?”
“I dunno, man. See if her blood starts to boil first, just mention you saw me today. Don’t want to go hang out and have to walk on eggshells, you know?”
“I get you, amigo. Will do. You close around here? I could give you a ride, assuming you rode the bus, since you just got back into town.” He says as he fishes his keys out of his pocket, walking around to the driver's side door.
“I’m back at my old apartment in SkinRow, so it's really up to you if you want to drive into that part of town.” He cringes a little as I mention SkinRow, but ponders for a moment.
“I’ll get you close. I’d take ya to the door, but that part of town has only gotten worse since you left.”
I nod and hop into the car and off we go, to wherever close is. Which, incidentally, is only 2 blocks from the building. “Thanks, Reed. A bro as always.” He shoots me a thumbs-up and I hop out of the car, patting the roof and he zooms off. One reunion down, couple more to go. Might have to save the reunion with Naser and Trish for last.
I pull out my phone and check the time. Four thirty. I still have six or seven hours left till night. I could see what Stella or Rosa are up to? Or I could see how Amber’s doing after all this. It HAS been an eventful few days for everyone involved. Guess I’ll start with Stella and Rosa, it’s been far too long, I could set up a group chat for us three.
A: Hey guys! I have some free time this evening if you’d like to meet for dinner tonight?
S: Hey Anon! I’m free in about an hour if you two would like to check out this nice new cafe that just opened up in downtown, they serve food too!
R: Si, an hour works for me as well! The cafe sounds nice.
A: It’s settled then! I’ll check out the address and meet you guys there.
Looking up the cafe Stella mentioned, it’s a quiet little spot just near the edge of Downtown and Lil Troo’ that offers a good sight to the bay, and it’s just barely further than the burger joint. However, It’s far enough that I wouldn't make it in time if I walked it. Guess I’ll call a taxi when the time comes, it’s only 15 minutes by car.
I spend the rest of my time sitting in my apartment on my bed scrolling a certain Manchurian potato selling forum, but nothing good is up at the moment, it seems it’s gone downhill in quality over the years. Ah screw it, 30 minutes until I have to be there, I’ll call the taxi now, maybe I could walk around and take a look downtown for a few.
I dial the number and before I can tell the guy where I am he cuts me off with a “See ya in a minute, kid.” At least some things haven’t changed around Volcaldera. Before long I hear the sound of tires screeching, some yelling from pedestrians, and he lays on the horn when he’s outside. I lock the door and jog down the steps until I reach the door and step outside.
Gone is the old run down taxi sedan, and in its place is a slightly modern van. Maybe that weird old guy is gone, and he passed on the business? I hop in the back and close the door, and am greeted by the yellow raptor driver “Holy chrome dome kid, you still don’t have a head of hair? I know it’s been a while, but damn.”
“Was almost worried you wouldn’t be behind the wheel, I was expecting that old beat up shitbox you used to drive, what’s with this?” The door fully closes and we start to move onwards.
He laughs and slaps the wheel a few times, before going into a small coughing fit. “That old girl served me for almost two decades. One day however she gave up, and I decided it was time to finally modernize. I picked a van so I can carry a bigger party if I need to.”
I nod along with his short story, and we chat back and forth about what we did in the time I’d been gone, turns out he and his wife finally had some kids of their own not long after I had left, though his wife essentially had to quit her job as a nurse at some art school down on the opposite end of the city.
After the short ride to the cafe, I give him a handshake and step out of the van, but before I can reach for my wallet he puts out his hand “This one’s on me, kid. Good to see ya back in town, I hope things get better.” I nod and wave to him as he peels away, almost hitting a car he cuts off.
“Thero Bronton's” I say to myself as I look up at the sign. Hardly a little cafe, since it’s a chain fast food restaurant, but maybe this one is different. I check the time and take a seat on the bench, they should be here in a few minutes, might as well wait. Before I put my phone away I shoot a text to the chat.
A: Hey, I’m here, waiting outside.
And after a minute Stella responds that she’s inside already, surprisingly. No response from Rosa, must be on her way. Better not keep fate waiting, or whatever mystic mumbo jumbo Stella would say. I get up and walk inside, looking for that green stego but I’m not spotting her bright green head anywhere. Maybe this is the wrong one? I move to pull out my pho-
“Anon??” I hear to my left, but when my eyes meet the source I’m shocked by what I see. It’s like if you dragged that green anime loving stego through a mall goth convention, her hair all black with some purple highlights, a black tee shirt with some indecipherable metal band logo on it, somehow she’s wearing jeans in this heat and some minor accessories, some wristbands, and her hair still in buns on her head.
My brow furrows and I stutter out a response. What a turn for the weeb that I knew. Though I’m sure if she had to pick between goth mommy or full on weeb, this is the better turn out I guess.
“S-stella?? Wha-” She giggles as I stumble over my words.
“Yeah, silly! I get the aesthetic is a bit different but c’mon!” She smiles bright and reaches out to grab my left hand to take me to her table but the sleeve crumples and her eyes turn to pin pricks, and slowly looks down at my lack of hand, then back to me.
I really should start pinning that up.
She realizes that she’s just holding the empty sleeve and lets go after a gasp escapes from her lips. “Uhhh. The t-table’s this way Anon.”
I take a seat at the table facing the window, rubbing the back of my neck and drawing air in through my teeth. “Sorry Stella. Should have given you a heads-up.”
“No, no. I shouldn’t have tried to grab your hand, I’m sorry for that.” she fidgets in her seat a little, obviously feeling bad for something many before her, and many after her will do.
“No, it’s fine Stella. It happens a lot I promise.” I try to ease her nerve and it works a little as she nods, but looks down at the table.
Great way to kill the mood, though it’s no one’s fault.
“Soooo, how’ve you been An-” but she’s cut off by the waitress, a human like myself, pasty white, and ginger hair. She looks tired.
“Hi there, my name is Jessica, I’ll be your server for the evening. Anything I can get you guys started with, maybe some drinks?” she asks as she places a menu in front of us.
“Could we get a third menu? We have another friend coming shortly.” Stella asks her as she opens her menu. The waitress nods and sets another down on the table next to Stella. “Yeah, I think I’ll just go with a black coffee.” Stella’s really going full on into this goth thing.
“I’ll just take a glass of sweet iced tea for now, I’ll let you know if I get something else though.” I make my choice and open the food menu.
The waitress nods and walks off. Back to an awkward silence until Stella’s phone dings, which she checks and looks at the door before waving and smiling. Must be Rosa, she stands and walks behind me to greet her, since the door is at my rear. I hear them coming back and Rosa sounds almost gruff. I stand and turn to greet her but before I can turn fully around I’m covered in a tight bear hug that almost collapses my lungs.
I cough out as the air is squeezed from me, and I get put down. “Raptor Jesus, Rosa, you almost killed me.” She giggles at my pain and pats me on the back.
“Then it is a good thing you are not the niñito you were in Volcano High, no?” she finally walks around and sits at the table next to Stella, opposite from me. I get a look at her after all this time and man is she buff, is she just working out these days for competition or something?
“Damn, Rosa you look jacked! What are you working out so much for?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“Oh, nothing, just muscle gain from taking over the family farm and all the lifting I have to do.” Makes sense.
The waitress comes back and takes Rosa’s order, just a sweet tea as well, but hot. We sit and chat about what we’ve been up to in the span of time. Rosa’s mother passed away from cancer a couple years after graduation, so she started to help her father with the family business before taking over a couple years ago when he got too old.
Stella on the other hand had become a popular YouSnoot creator, making video essays on horror movies and games, and reviewing anime series. Strangely fitting, at least the anime part. Never took her for a horror enjoyer, or video games too. Might have to ask her some of her favorites some time, might have some in common.
Some time passes before the waitress comes back with all of our drinks. “All right, you guys have enough time to look at the menu?” Damn, we got so caught up talking I didn’t look at all. Stella and Rosa give their orders as I flip around, settling on some sandwich and an order of house cooked chips.
She leaves again, leaving us to chat some more at the table when some soft Jazz music starts to play from the stage at the front of the building, a soft but pronounced bass line keeping up with an upbeat mix of percussion, a saxophone, and a smooth almost angelic voice.
“Didn’t realize that we’d get a show alongside dinner. This common?” They both shrug, right, I forgot that this was a newly opened place.
“Not sure, this place opened just yesterday. I was gonna be here today anyway so I reserved a table.” Stella says, her hand under her chin “But it’s nice, they didn’t mention live shows on the site”
I nod at her last statement and I try to turn to look at the stage, but the waitress walks in front of me with a plate, holding our food and my stomach gurgles a little. Today’s the most I’ve eaten in a while, even before coming home. We dig into our food and talk in between bites of food as a few more songs play on before cutting out.
A minute later, footsteps are heard approaching from behind, and Stella shoots up in her seat. “Oh, hey! Didn’t know you were playing here tonight.”
“Yeah, the owner of this one reached out to us to play the first couple nights of their grand opening. Mentioned maybe a deal to do frequent shows” the voice responds from behind me and I sit up. It sounds so familiar, but a little raspy.
A big guitar case hits the ground next to me, standing straight up “Mind if I sit and chat with you guys for a few? Who’s baldie?” Wait a sec. My brow furrows and I look to my left and my eyes meet a purple triceratops, shorter than me. Afro, purple tank top with a logo on it, hoop earrings, purple tinted circle glasses.
My heart hits my stomach and both our eyes widen.
“Trish?”
Notes:
Kept you waiting, huh?
Sorry for the wait, lovelies. The day after the last chapter I started moving, and after that a wave of depression hit hard.
This album is titled after yet another Radiohead song, from the Kid A album, picked specifically for the dream of Fang forever being just out of reach from anon.
Chapter Text
Why us?
Why not someone else?
Why us?
The cameras are turnin’ off our lights
So run away.
Blurry vision. Muffled Shouting. Hard floor. A purple blur. Right, Trish. She clocked me good, knocked me out of my seat. Stella and Rosa are trying to pull her away, but she’s just yelling and sobbing, pointing her finger at me. My senses finally get back to me and the sounds of their voices fade in.
“-All your fault!”
“-Let me go!”
“Trish no, he’s-!”
“Fucking skinnie trash-”
“Stella, her arm!”
Another hit to the side of my face, and the lights go out again. By the time my eyes open again, I’m greeted by Rosa in my face looking away and no Stella. She’s holding a plastic cold pack on my cheek. I groan at the shock of the cold and Rosa whips her head to look down at me.
“Oh, sweet Raptor Jesus on his cross of stone you’re awake. How do you feel An-on? Are you okay?” She gets up with a huff and extends an arm to help me up.
“I feel like a semi slammed into my cheek, but otherwise just peachy. What happened? Besides the obvious, that Trish decked me.” I rub my hand on my cheek before grabbing Rosa’s hand and being lifted to my feet.
“Si, you both locked eyes and in a flash she hit you! I almost crumpled her like a piece of paper but Stella stopped me and told me to grab her, and she started yelling at you about how you left “them” behind and that “their” blood is on your hands and more profanities.” She shook her head and handed me the cold pack, which I quickly put on my face.
“I…See. Where’d Stella go?” I look around the shop, a few other people had gathered round, chatting between each other.
“Well, Stella and the owner got Trish to leave, but not long after Stella followed her. I don’t know how long they’ve been gone. I stayed to make sure you were okay.” I nod at her, looking back to the door.
“Suppose we should find them, then. Right?” I motion my hand towards the door, looking back at Rosa whose face shifts to worry.
“You want to get another black eye from that angry trigita? I think we should call the police and get you home.” I shake my head. I need to get this over with. I need to tell her what happened.
“I need to set the record straight Rosa. To be honest, after everything, that punch was deserved. It was a long time coming.” She just nods quietly and sets some money on the table, moving past me towards the door.
“So, any idea where they went?” I silently follow her out the door and look down both sidewalks.
“I saw them pass the window so they went this way.” She starts down towards the right, passing the window of the coffee shop.
“Alright, so now we just keep an eye out?” I follow behind her, and she nods, looking down the street before we cross.
“Worse comes to worse we can call Stella, but if you want to have a heart to heart with that little puta de trigga, it’d be best to catch her by surprise.” I nod and look down the other way, as we cross the street.
“Wouldn’t it be better to just ride in your car around town to find her faster, too?” I ask, whipping out a cigarette and placing it between my lips.
“Again, elemento de sorpresa. If Stella sees my car she’ll say something.” She turns her head to the side to look at me, cringing a little at the sight of the cig.
We continue to walk down streets and alleyways nearby for what feels like half an hour. At this point the sun has dipped below the horizon with no sight of them whatsoever. I place my hand on Rosa’s shoulder to grab her attention.
“We should sit, the park is around the corner. Maybe we just text Stella and see where they went off to?” She stops and her determined look falters and she nods. We turn the next corner and walk into the park. It’s not long into the park before a familiar albeit tired voice rings out from the side.
“Hey there stud, you and your lady friend want a couple of juicy hot franks? Got veggie dogs since she’s a herbie.” I whip my head around and see a familiar yellow raptor manning a food cart with a big chefs hat towering over her.
I chuckle when I see her and wave her off “Nah, it’s not like that. We’re looking for our friend who stormed off. Have you seen them? Green stego with black hair and clothes to match, following a purple triceratops with a big afro.”
“Can’t say I saw the trike, but your stego friend went thataway, towards the path along the shore.” She points her grill tongs off to the left along the path we were on.
“Thanks! We might stop by on our way out, our dinner got interrupted.” I give her a thumbs up and catch up to Rosa, telling her what the mystical hot dog lady told me.
We continue in the direction that she had told me and sure enough after a few minute’s walk there’s the gazebo and a particular distressed green stego under the cover, pacing back and forth.
“There you are Stella! We looked all over for you!” Rosa exclaims. Me and Rosa jog up onto the gazebo and Stella has her arms wrapped around herself as if to hold herself together. Her head whips around to look at us and she dashes over to hug Rosa.
“Oh, Rosa, finally you’re here! Trish just left not long ago, she’s such a mess right now, if we hurry we can catch up to her!” Stella moves past us and tugs on Rosa’s arm and she sees me at last behind Rosa “Oh, Anon! Are you feeling alright? You can stay here, if you don’t want to come with, I understand. Trish just. She’s been a very good friend to us the last few years so we want to make sure she’s alright.”
I nod, and follow after them, but not long into the search Rosa suggests we should split up. Despite my protest about being gored by the angry purple menace she’s right that it’d be the quickest way to find her so I concede. Rosa walks off to the right, and Stella down the left. I get to look down alleyways and main streets.
With the street lights now on, and my surroundings being lit only by moonlight, the alleyways look even more intimidating. Surely not helped by the lack of normal everyday people, and replaced by shady hooded dinos and people alike.
A couple of the alleys I look through I could feel a hole being burned through my back, people likely eyeing me as a potential target to mug or worse due to my arm. What they don’t see though is my pocket knife I’d learned to start carrying through living in SkinRow.
But what good does a pocket knife do when you’re tackled to the ground when you’re not paying attention? I hit the ground hard and manage to stay awake but it feels like a boulder is on top of me. I try to struggle, but with only one good arm it’s easier to keep me held down. I manage to turn my head and see that it’s an overweight proto trike, but he’s not alone. I hear lighter footsteps approaching out of view.
“What a catch! Look et the lit’l skinnie, wanderin’ into our spot. What’cha lookin for ‘round ‘ere fishy?” Asks the smaller figure, I struggle and grunt to try to get his friend off of me one more time, but I can’t find any leverage.
“I’m looking..urgh…for someone.” I respond, my arm twisted up behind my back so it’s touching the back of my head and he keeps pressure into it, threatening to dislocate my arm.
“Ahhhhh, lookin’ for someone, eh? Who is it then? Yer girlfriend?” The ‘leader’ of the two asked me as he now stood in front of me, crouching with a sly grin on his face, missing some of his sharp teeth.
“No! Just someone. None of your business.” I bark out.
“Woah woah woah there pal, we was just uh. Lookin to help a stranger in need! Like good samaritans or somethin, aint that right big guy?” The boulder of a forum moderator grunts and keeps his grip on my arm tight.
“Then why the…urgh…tackle and hold?” I manage to grunt out as the bigger guy shifts his weight.
“Well, ya sees, we saw ya walkin around here all shady like. Thought you were one of them degenerate types, but the point is we’re looking to help you, we may or may not have information on a lookin lost type of person who passed by here very recently. For a mighty fee, of course. Nothing is free.” I can almost feel his grin getting larger as the fat one starts to rummage through my pockets, before his hands find my wallet.
I try to struggle out of his grasp, but he just pushes harder on my arm, the pressure feeling like my shoulder is about to pop out. “Ah ah ah, don’t want to have to put your only good arm out of commish.” he says as he holds my arm in spot.
“The easiah you make this for us, the quickah you can go back to findin’ yer friend, skinnie. I may even consider-” but he’s cut off by another voice who rings out from the mouth of the alleyway.
“Anon? Where are you? I thought I heard your voi- who the FUCK are you guys?” The little guy shoots to his feet and gets in a defensive pose
“Shite, grab the goods and let’s bounce before-” He’s cut off by a flying kick from my rescuer who managed to quickly close the distance and the weight on top of me starts to lift and my arm is freed.
Before I can make it fully to my feet a hard THWACK can be heard before the earthquake-inducing sound of a fallen chat moderator follows. Bouncing on her feet before me is a huffing Trish who managed to get a high kick with the heel of her boot to the side of his head. A better fate than her horns, at least.
The memory of how I last saw her flashes before me and I get into a defensive posture in front of her, but as soon as she sees this, she scoffs and guffaws. “Relax, Stony Titanoboa. I just saved your skinnie ass from getting mugged.”
I shake my head and hold my posture “But you punched the shit out of me not even an hour ago!”
“True. You tellin’ me you didn’t deserve that?”
My breath hikes at her response and I ease myself. “I-” I’m cut off by Trish.
“Hold that thought. Get your wallet and let's get out of here before they get up again.” I nod and grab it and consider taking their money, to add insult to injury at their failed mugging, but Trish telling me to hurry up forces me to simply turn tail and run.
We turn out of the alley and walk towards the park again after I text Rosa and Stella to tell them I found her and to reconvene at the gazebo.
“It was deserved. The punch, I mean. But I’m confused.” I look towards the ground as we walk, but can see Trish looking at me from the corner of her eyes, her eyebrow cocked.
“About why I’d help you back there?” I simply nod in response.
“Heh. Hey, got a smoke?” I almost stop in bewilderment at her question, but pull one out for her, along with my lighter. She takes a long drag, looking up at the sky as we walk.
“Y’know. When I saw you on the ground, for a moment I thought about turning around and walking away. Felt you deserved every ounce of bad luck you were receiving since coming back.” her eye flicks over to me as she walks, still looking up.
“What made you change your mind?” My head turns to look at her, and she puffs out some more smoke.
“I remembered seeing your uh…arm…After I knocked you out at the cafe. I was stunned at the sight and Stella and Rosa had a chance to pull me away and push me out. I thought about how you didn’t have it easy wherever you went. Despite everything that happened here, I don’t know what you went through, where you went. Like everyone else.” It was her turn to look to the ground.
“I know that we didn’t click very well in highschool, Anon and that isn’t an excuse for my actions, but I had a lot going on at the time with family, school, the band, and then suddenly you showed up and threatened to change what little stability I had left. You were the perfect person to put all of my blame on for everything I had going on.” She continued on.
“Well it’s not like I helped any. I never understood why you treated me the way you did, but I never even tried to from the start, I just resented you and let those feelings bubble up.” The park comes into view and I stop to look at Trish. Maybe Reed was right. She has mellowed out, even if our initial re-introduction didn’t turn out well. The Trish I knew would have put me in the hospital.
She looks back at me, and her eyebrow cocks. “C’mon, don’t want to keep Stella and Rosa waiting and worrying. Plus I don’t feel like saving your ass again.”
“Yeah, yeah sorry. Just thinkin’. How were you able to take those guys down so easily?” She chuckles a little at this. She’s not some muscled up powerhouse, she's still skinny and slender like back then.
“I work at a gym, all you need to know.” I simply nod to her response, and after a few minutes walk we turn a final corner to the gazebo.
Stella and Rosa are already there, guess they ended up using their cars to look faster. Stella's the first to notice our approach and she practically jumps down the steps and teleports in front of us, sweeping us both up in a tight hug.
“Oh thank Raptor Jesus, I was so worried about you two, you know how this city can get at night!” She almost squeals in our ears.
“Tell me about it. Guess who just had to have their ass saved in some alleyway.” Trish lets out with a smirk before I can shrug off the possibility of danger.
“I could have handled it!” I try and bark out.
“Yeah, really looked like you were handling it well with that mountain of a dude with your wallet halfway out your pocket.” I simply huff in response to this and try to wriggle out of Stella's grip
She notices and lets go of us, meekly letting out an apology. I simply shake my head and tell her it's okay. Rosa joins in on our little gathering and Trish gloats more about how she found and rescued me from being mugged and Rosa just belts out a laugh, my cheeks flush from the embarrassment.
After some small talk for a few minutes and a check of the time we decide to finally part ways, but the bus lines have stopped running and my phone had died while trying to call up a cab. Begrudgingly, I start the long walk back to my apartment but not long into it the sound of an approaching car and a yell out the window stops me in my tracks.
“You're not seriously going to walk through SkinRow alone at night are you?” I whip my head around to the source of the voice and see a silver sedan with a semi-familiar purple trike behind the wheel.
“Well, yeah, the busses aren't running this late, and my phone died-” I begin to explain but am cut off by an almost frantic Trish.
“You realize that you'd be walking by where I saved you, and if those guys are still there you probably won't just be mugged this time, right? Why didn't you just ask one of us for a ride you idiot?” She says, throwing her arm out the window.
“Well, I figured it's been so long I wasn't sure any of you would be so ready to consider me a friend so I didn't want to impose-” She cuts me off again.
“You idiot! Shut up and get in, you have no idea how bad all of us would feel if something happened to you because you walked home alone and got hurt or went missing!” She waves her hand in a motion to say ‘hurry up'.
I walk around to the other side of her car and after getting in and buckling up, we're off. Smooth jazz plays on the radio, and the ride is silent. For a while. The feeling of tension in the air is almost tangible, and it feels like there's still words left unsaid, so I break the silence with a question.
“So, jazz band, huh? How'd you uh. How'd you get into that?” She just glances over to me. We were just joking earlier but now it feels like the mood has changed, but to what, I don't know.
“Thanks for rescuing me from those guys earlier. I don't want to know what would've happened if-” I try again to spark a conversation but am cut off.
“Don't mention it.” She says, curtly.
“Is…everything alright between us? You seem in a different mood than not even thirty minutes ago. I know there's a lot of questions you might have. It's just us now, you can get whatever you want off your chest.” I look over at her, her piercing gaze still shooting a glare at me.
Then she pulls the car over into a scenic spot alongside the coast, SkinRow now in sight but still a good few miles out.
“You're right. There's a lot I have to say and ask. I didn't want it to be tonight as it feels like a lot happened already, but. You asked.” She gets out of the car and waves me over as she walks up to a nearby bench, sitting on it.
I get out and follow her, sitting a couple feet away from her to give her room. The air is cool and crisp, and the wind is gentle. We're not super far from the main city, but the city itself is distant from any others, giving the night sky an unpolluted view of the stars above. I look over to Trish and pull out and offer her a sweet stick of nicotine, with one in between my own lips.
“Thanks, dweeb.” It felt like an ice pick to the chest, hearing that nickname again.
“N-no problem.” I sputter out, staring off into the cold black of the sea and pulling out a lighter for us. Taking a few days I try to keep my mind off of her, an uphill battle.
“You good?” She looks over at me, the cigarette hanging from her lip.
But before I can respond I stare deeper into the sea, thinking about the events of the last week. It feels overwhelming, enough so that someone with less mental fortitude would have cracked.
“I can't say I really know. So much has happened since I came back, it's almost surreal.” I shake my head, clearing my thoughts before they turn sour.
“Mind filling me in? On everything. What happened that night, where you went, when you came back, what happened?” She takes another puff, and looks back out to the ocean.
It feels like an hour passes as I explain to her the events leading up to when we crossed paths, every nitty gritty detail and she just nods along, staring out into the waters, taking it all in. After I finish, she simply stands up, and tells me to get in the car. My brow furrows, but I get up and follow her back to the car, and sit inside.
We start moving, then speeding into SkinRow. I steal a glance at her and she's gripping the wheel like her life depends on it, and donning misty eyes. I can't read what she's feeling. Anger? Sadness? I can't fucking tell. Before I can ask though we make it back to where my apartment is.
“Get out.” She barks out coldly.
“Are you alright?” I ask to try to get a read on her, but she just stares forward, unlocking the doors from the button on her side.
My shoulders sag and I get out of the sedan and her tires squeal as she peels off and away into the night. I sit on the stairs to the apartment block and light up another cigarette, pulling out my phone to check it after the last few hours. Reed sent me a date and time to meet to iron out the details to work for his shop, and a text from Amber.
Amber: Hey Anon, saw you left while I was at work. Get into anything interesting?
I think about the day that had passed, and a smile crept across my face, despite the ending, the events were pretty off the walls. I type up a response while puffing from my ciggy then head up to the front door.
Anon: Yeah, I went out to lunch with Reed, he offered me some jobs with him and caught him up on what’s happened since I got back. After that I was coerced into meeting up with Stella and Rosa at some cafe downtown, ran into Trish, got clocked and knocked out, went to find Trish with Rosa and Stella, almost got mugged, then had a little talk with Trish about the past, and present. Catching her up like I did for Reed. But she just left suddenly without a word after that. Dropped me off at least. How was work, Kiddo?
Calling her Kiddo felt a little cringe, but if I’m gonna be staying around, I gotta make the effort to show that I want to be in her life. I put my phone back in my pocket and continue up the spiral staircase to my place, flicking the butt of the cigarette off to the side. Before I can unlock my door my phone goes off again.
Amber: Don’t call me Kiddo dude, that’s cringe, we JUST met for the first time.
Amber: Work was fine, I guess. I got off at about two then went to see a movie with a couple friends. Glad to hear that you got to see so many of your own old friends. Trish will be fine, I’m sure it’s nowhere near as bad as I’ve seen her before. Just give her a little time to think about whatever you told her.
Anon: Yeah, yeah. She’s nothing like the Trish I knew, so I’m treading new waters here. Everyone I knew looks so different, but still acts mostly the same, thankfully.
Amber: Told ya she’s different. Anyways I’m heading to bed, talk soon and goodnight!
Anon: Goodnight, Amber.
I set my phone down on the desk next to my bed and fall into the mattress, kicking off my shoes. After the events of the long day I find sleep taking me within minutes. My dreams are more of the same nightmares, before I find myself standing in front of the same familiar pizzeria.
I turn the knob of the front door and walk in, greeted this time by the sound of a somber and slow plucking of a bass. I follow the sound and walk into the main eating hall where Fang had held her first successful concert, and there she stood on the stage. Once again she’s facing away from me.
I take a few steps towards her and this time the floor doesn’t move away from me. I try to call out to her but my lips move with no sound. I have to get her attention. I have to find a way to tell her that I’m sorry for everything, that I wasn’t there.
I walk closer, and notice the stage is drenched, along with the floor in front of the stage. Next came the stench of a lit cigarette, and the fumes of gasoline. My eyes widen and before I can break into a sprint. My eyes lock with one of hers, it pierces right through me and I freeze. My body screams to run to her, but I can’t move.
A tear falls from her eye as she drops the cigarette and it ignites the soaked stage, floor in front of it, and her. Her silver feathers falling away and flying all around the restaurant. I finally manage to get words out as I scream her name at the top of my lungs. But it does nothing to slow the flames or dissuade her decision, instead a melancholic smile creeps across her face.
My body finally unglues from the floor and I start to sprint for her, but the floors move away, keeping the stage just out of reach as I run and run but gain no distance to her. I yell for her again but this time I wake up in a sweat, my mouth agape from yelling her name.
Notes:
Things have been more than hectic, I haven't had much time to work on this one. Sorry to keep you guys waiting again.
The title of this chapter is an alternate version of Like Spinning Plates that features some new lines at the beginning. Chosen for Anon's feelings of bad things constantly happening to him.
Chapter Text
I think you’re crazy, maybe
I think you’re crazy, maybe
I will see you in the next life
Two days later
Another dream about Fang and yet nowhere closer to her. Every time it feels more real. The woman who was the love of my life was always just out of my reach and playing that same melody. This time we were in that park where Naomi revealed her plot to me. I retraced my steps and found her there behind the bathroom, smoking a cigarette.
Fang stared forward, not even acknowledging that I was there, despite Naomi talking to me just moments before. Like every other dream, any attempt to approach her or speak to her was futile. I don't understand it. These dreams, on top of everything that's happened, all feel so overwhelming. Maybe I ought to give that therapist a call when I start working.
Speaking of; today I get to sit down with Reed and talk about starting work. He should be here in a couple of hours. The shop isn't far, but he insisted on picking me up an hour before so I can check the place out before we literally talk shop.
I roll out of bed and shower, then get dressed in my nicest green jacket and white T-shirt combo. Twenty-five minutes and a bowl of cereal later, I'm standing outside of the apartment complex smoking a cigarette while waiting for Reed to pull up.
Not even halfway into my cigarette and I hear a pair of screeching tires round a corner and the blasting of rasta music. I try to stifle a laugh as Reed pulls up to a screeching stop in front of me and waves me over from the driver’s seat. I open up the door to the passenger’s seat and a wall of smoke pours out and into the street, almost covering it in a thick haze. I swear I hear the sound of a bird passing out from smoke inhalation and thumping against a distant car roof.
“Gooooood morning Anon! Ready for the day?” Reed exclaimed. Had he snorted a line before driving over?
“Suppose so. You're awfully energetic today.” I respond as I take my seat next to him and close the door.
“Well, unless you were for some reason planning to royally fuck this up, I get to hire my broski! Of course I'm a little pumped!” He holds out a fist and I bump my own fist to his.
“Thanks again, Reed. I don't know how I could repay you for even the opportunity.” I respond with a chuckle.
“Nah don't worry, helpin’ you get on your feet is more than enough for me.” He looks over at me with a smile and I return it, then the car starts moving.
The shop is only a couple miles from my apartment, so we arrive in a matter of minutes. We pull up to the rear of the shop and he hits a button to open the trunk. I hop out to take a peek and see boxes of products with all kinds of logos and brands that I've never heard of. I'm nowhere near as much of a stoner as Reed is, but I digress. I look over to Reed, who has just unlocked the shop’s back door and is walking back.
“Help me get these inside real quick. This shop gets a lot of traffic since it's right next to SkinRow, so I have to bring stock frequently.” He grunts as he picks up large boxes of disposable THC cartridges.
“Sure thing buddy. Isn't it, like, taking advantage of the poor and disheveled population by having this shop here?” I ask as I lift a bag into the nook of my left arm.
“I suppose, but, I'm also providing a safe solution to a drug crisis in the area. What's worse? Buying from a store where the product has been safely tested and approved, or buying from a shady guy on the corner who might have laced your shit?” He stares at me expectantly.
“Fair point.” I shrug, grabbing another bag in my other arm and following him inside.
I'm greeted with a standard warehouse back of store look, cold tiles, informational posters and some empty boxes. Reed flips some lights on a breaker. I notice the front store lights turn on through windows on some double doors opposite to the door we entered through. He nods towards them, leading the way when he speaks.
“You can just set those down right there. Time for the main event.” He says as he pushes open the double doors with the boxes in his arms. Inside it's a candy store. Display cases with jars of different kinds of weed, shelves full of gummies made from different substances, fancy pipes, water bongs, torches, lighters, tie dye shirts, beanies, and so much more. Reed looks over at my face and chuckles.
“Woooah.” Is all I can get out.
“Never been in a medicinal drug store, eh?” He pats my shoulder. “Go ahead and look around, I brought you in early to check the place out.”
I step out from behind the counter and walk through the store, it has a couple aisles. It’s not too big of a store, but still has a spacious feeling. I stop and look at the time. Thirty minutes until ten. Surely his opener is gonna be here soon to help him with the store?
“Yo, Reed? When does the store open? Shouldn't someone else be here?” I look at him as he's setting the stock we brought in onto shelves and in jars for display.
“Good eye, broham. Sometimes I have to step in and help if someone calls in sick, or is late.This is one of those cases. The person who's usually here had a doctor's appointment this morning; and their coworker had to quit a few days ago to move for college.” He stands up straight looking back at me.
“Ahhhh, so I'm stuck with ya until they get here, huh?” I smirk.
“It ain't all that bad, you get to learn retail work for when you start here, I gain a new employee, AND we get some lunch after. Sounds like a fair trade? No?” He responds while slotting some cash in the cash register.
I shrug and retort, “I suppose it's fair enough.” He claps his hands together at my answer, before holding out his left hand to shake, to which I shoot an unamused gaze at him.
“...Right, heh, sorry.” He scratches the back of his neck and sheepishly looks away..
“So, when should we get the paperwork over with? After we cover this guy's ass?” I say as I walk over to the counter Reed is at, and fish out some stock I recognize from my short walk around the store.
“Yeah as soon as they’re here and ready, we'll step in the break room and iron those extra details out.” I nod as I place the products on the shelf behind the old stock.
A couple hours feel like minutes once we open. Through trial and error, I start getting the hang of working the register. There are aspects that can make some parts of it more difficult; like when someone asks for something from a jar and I have to weigh it out and put it in a bag, or giving them change while holding their bag so they can't just run off with it.
Finally after some time I hear the sound of the double doors swing open behind us, and out pops a hurried small pink raptor with short hair to match, wearing a set of overalls and a light blue t-shirt covered by an apron. I quickly take a peek at their name tag. Sage. Sounds vaguely familiar, did they go to Volcano High?
“Hey Reed, is this the new guy you told me about replacing Jeremy? He got some kind of staring problem?” My eyes widen as I process what the raptor just said. Shit.
“Naaaaaah, Anon's just nervous meeting someone new! Or somethin'...” Thanks for the save, Reed.
“Y-Yeah… Sorry. It’s just cause your name sounds familiar. Did you go to Volcano High with us?” I ask, turning to face him? Her? I can't tell.
“Yeah yeah. I'd remember a crystal ball head like that anywhere. I was a year below you guys, but we had the same science class. Professor Fernsworth. I was Fang's science partner until you joined our class and then I got stuck with Chadshark.” They crossed their arms and rolled their eyes. Ouch. A fate I'd wish on no one.
I rub the back of my neck apologetically, “Sorry about that. If it were my choice, I would have been working alone.”
“Nah don't worry. I think you did more good for Fang than I did. All we did during class was gossip... How is Fang by the way? You guys seemed to hit it off pretty quick, and I've been so busy with work and college, it's been so long since I've been able to check up on any of my old friends.” I try to hide a cringe at the painful question.
“I, uh. She-” But I'm cut off.
“Anon! Buddy, we got some paperwork to do.” Reed to the rescue, yet again.
“Damn, don't want to keep the boss-man waiting. Maybe another time. Good seein' you again though.” They throw out a hand to shake and I return it.
I follow Reed through the double doors again into a small break room. I take a quick look around and see a mini fridge, microwave, sink, countertops, and a table with chairs. He sits down at the closest table, and as I sit across from him he pulls up a briefcase and pen, pulling out some paperwork.
“Sage means well. Those weren't lies to poke at you. They're currently going back to college for a business degree to start a bakery.” Reed says as he pulls out his final piece of paperwork.
“It didn't feel like I was being lied to. It just hurts. Not their fault for not knowing.” I shrug after responding and pick up the pen, starting to work on this pile of paper.
Reed nods and pats me on the shoulder. “I know, buddy.”
Despite the size of the stack of paper, it only takes about twenty minutes to work through it all, as most of it is reading lawyer dribble. Though Reed points out any important sections and places where I need to sign. Finally, I set the pen down. Reed reaches across the table for a hand shake and this time I can shake his hand in return.
Not even seconds after our hands part he speaks with some haste “Alright, what's for lunch? Your pick, compadre.”
“I don't know, what are you feeling?” My mind had been so clouded after Sage asked about Fang I couldn’t think about something so trivial as food.
“Maaaan, I was hoping you’d have an idea, I’m starving dude.” He responds, leading me out of the building after picking up mail and the paperwork.
“Sorry dude.” I look off to the side.
“Ehhhhh don’t worry about it. I have an idea. Pizza cool?” He says as he gets in the van and I follow.
“Fine by me. Anywhere in mind?” Please don't say Dino-Moes. PLEASE don't say Dino-Moes.
“Only the best Pizza joint in town, man. Dino-Moes.” Fuuuuuck.
“He's still running that joint?” I respond, trying to hide my dismay.
“Not sure! Haven't been there in a while, maybe a year or so. Usually just get delivery from GrugHub.” Shit.
Time to find out if this pizza is going to cost me my life. Hope there aren't any hard feelings about not calling to quit after Fang and I…
It's fine, it'll be fine. Everything will be a-okay.
A short drive away and we pull up to the restaurant. It looks the same as it did way back then, and the same as it does in my dreams. We get out and I meander to the door, feeling the handle like I do in almost every dream I've had since coming back. It feels surreal. We walk inside and my ears are met with a soft piano.
It's the same melody I’ve been hearing in my dreams. The one thing still scratching and clawing at my brain that refuses to reveal itself. I hear a chord progression come through the speakers and finally it comes to me.The first and only song I know how to play, Fang's song. We made it together.
By now I'm standing there in the lobby frozen, with Reed standing in front of me, looking at me. He's saying something to me but it's muffled. He looks concerned. Should he be? Should I be?
Am I the only person hearing this? Reed isn't reacting, he's definitely heard the song before. Is this a hallucination? I try and snap out of my daze and reassure him I'm fine, it's just like being a time machine, but before I can attempt to speak or he can respond he's cut off by a waitress leading us to a seat in the dining room.
As we walk to our seats I crane my head towards him and ask “What song is this, I swear I've heard it before?” to see if he's hearing the same thing I am.
“Dude, you know this one, c'mon man. It's on the radio all the time. That new hit song from Swamp Babies.” As I thought.
“Right, thanks bud.” And he just responds with a nod.
As we round the corner and into the room where the stage and piano are, the music dissipates.The empty piano bench is almost crying out to me to play our song. We sat in the booth with Reed opposite me and of course, the instrument almost staring at me through my peripheral vision..
“You okay man? You've been…off, since we walked in.” He asks, leaning in to the table, as he stares me down. He's always had a way of switching off the stoner attitude when he needs to. If I try to lie he'll see right through it.
“I've uh. Been having some weird dreams. They almost always revolve around coming back here and seeing Fang playing a song. Our song. Whenever I try to get closer to her though, she just always moves further and further away until something happens that wakes me up. I've been having them since I found out about her death.” He just nods along as I explain.
“Even before we walked inside I felt pure anxiety. So many memories of us tied to this place, and now with the dreams. I felt fear. When we walked inside I heard our song. Like it was playing on the speakers. That's why I asked what song was on.” He stares at me, likely deciding if I was withholding anything or if I were telling the truth.
“That’s rough, kid.” My heart almost drops when I hear the voice of my former boss over my shoulder, an aging T-Rex still wearing his work apron.
I look up at him and sheepishly smile. “Hey Moe. Long time no see.”
“Don't worry kid, I gots nothin' against ya. I'm just glad to see yer doin alright.” That's…Reassuring?
“She told me what happened. I put two n two togetha' an figured you thought you was broken up. What happened though, you couldn't give your good ol' uncle Moe a notice?” Knew I'd have to explain everything that happened at least once today.
I invite him to have a seat and catch him up on events, explaining that since it seemed Fang was gone from my life; I had no reason to stay in Volcaldera, so I left as quick as I could by joining the military. Then comes my return, learning the news of Fang after connecting with Amber and my mostly welcome home from my old friends. He sighs and pats me on the shoulder.
“I'm sorry you've had it rough, kid. To me it sounds like these dreams is tryin' ta tell ya somethin'. But what that is, is for you to figure out.” He responds, looking tired.
Stella knows a lot about that mystic stuff. Or at least she did, maybe I should talk to her? Some kind of insight into this would be great. Better yet an answer to what the dreams are trying to tell me.
“So, what'll you two gents like today? On da house.” I look over at Reed.
As he orders I can only stare blankly at the piano, it’s taunting me. My thoughts flooded again with the same melody. It couldn't be too hard to remember the notes. I get out of the booth and walk towards it. The seat is old and worn and upon pressing a key the sound is mostly in tune.
I look back to our booth and Reed is looking at me, giving me a knowing nod.
I sit and hover my hand over the keys, before pressing a few more, trying to remember the notes. I struggle a little, but after a few seconds I feel as though my hand is being guided to hit the right keys. Like she was behind me, helping me like she often did when she first taught me guitar.
I'm filled with a warm feeling as my hand moves between the keys, playing this song for a singular invisible audience member. With every key press I'm brought closer and closer to tears. It feels like she's there with me. Wrapping me up in her wings, her snoot buried into my neck as her hands guide my good arm to every key.
My eyes have been glued closed the entire time out of fear that when I open them the sensation will end. I just want one more moment like this with her.
After the final key had been pressed, I slowly open an eye hoping that maybe it'd been a bad dream or some elaborate prank to get back at me for leaving and that she'd really be there holding onto me again, though I know that this would be wishful thinking, and I'm brought back to the bitter reality.
“I’m sorry I wasn't there.” I whisper to my missing audience member.
When I turn my head around both Reed and Moe are sitting at the booth, their eyes watering. I stand and return to the booth. Moe stands, letting me in but pulls me into an awkward hug.
“I miss her too, kid. She really was like blood to me.” I hesitate, but hug him in turn, trying to not wet his clothes with my teary face.
“Thanks Moe.” I sit back down in the booth, looking down at the breadsticks he had brought out.
I feel like I've ruined the mood a bit, but I don’t think I would have been able to sit through the meal if I didn’t try to play.
The rest of lunch was fairly quiet. Moe sat and talked with us for a while about what I've been up to since being back in town and how business was. After finishing what we could of the pizza we box it up and head out, saying goodbye to Moe.
I let out a sigh as I sit in the passenger seat of the van. Reed gets in and turns the key.
“Hey man, you gonna be alright? You can come crash at my place for a while, or the night if you don't want to be alone after…” He looks over at me with a hint of worry. Always a bro, Reed.
“If you don't mind. I don't want to impose if you have plans.” I look back at him.
“Nah, was gonna have some family over, but I think my bro needs to get out of that cramped little apartment for a while.” Well that doesn't make me feel any better.
“You don't gotta cancel plans with family just for me, dude it's fine.” I try to dissuade him.
“Naaaah it’s nothing crazy important. Just a little get together. If it helps you feel better then I’ll keep the normal plans, and you’ll be there to tag along. Plus since you didn’t go to Volcano High until senior year, we never got to have bro nights. Need to grab some stuff from your place?” Fair, I suppose. I never got to meet his family.
“Yeah, just like a change of clothes. Do you have a spare room I could use? Because I don’t have an inflatable mattress.” The floor is fine too I guess.
“Yeah I have a guest room that you can stay in, no worries about bringing a pillow or anything, amigo.” He says as he drives off to my apartment.
Fuck, I don’t know if I ever stayed the night at a friend’s house. Not counting sneaking into Fang’s room once, as terrifying as that was. Even back when I was in Rock Bottom I never made good enough friends with anyone for an invitation to a sleepover. Whatever, not like there was anyone worth my time back there.
We pull up and I rush up to my apartment, feeling my heart race in excitement over getting to hang out with Reed. I pick a change of clothes and some sleepwear, not forgetting the toiletries, then stop and stare at my old Xrox controller. One of the few things I had held in storage while I was away, then grab it. Fuck it, maybe we’ll play some rock ring or something like the good old days.
I fly down the steps and put my bag in the back seat and hop in. Reed laughs a little at my excitement and asks, “You act like this is your first time staying over at someone’s house dude.”
I nod and buckle in replying “Yeah it kind of is. Never was close to anyone in my hometown so this is a first.”
We start moving, heading towards the suburbs. After a decent drive we make it to a respectable two story house. I knew he was making money with the business but damn. I can’t get the best look on it since by now the sun is down. I hop out and grab my bag, looking over at Reed.
“Nice place. You alone make enough for all this?” I ask.
“Nahh, I share the place with some family, helps bear the brunt of bills. But it is nice, thanks.” Makes sense. Times are tough right now.
We step inside and the place somehow looks bigger inside than it did outside. There’s a huge living room that goes all the way to the roof and an attached kitchen and dining room. Seated on a couch in the living room is a slightly older pink raptor who looks like she just stepped out of a time machine from the 70’s, donning a brown leather vest with tassels and a set of pink circular glasses with her long hair tied up.
Definitely Reed’s mom.
She looks over after hearing the door shut and smiles bright. “Oh there you are honey! You said you’d be a little late so I let myself in. This your friend you told me about?”
“Yeah, Mom, this is Anon. Anon, this is my mother Kathrine.” He gestures an open palm between us, and she’s hopped to her feet, walking over to meet me.
“You can just call me Kathy, hun. It’s nice to finally meet you. Reed’s told me so much about you.” Reed leaves me to fend for myself.
“It’s nice to meet you too! Sad I couldn’t come hang out when we were still in highschool, but it was tough adjusting to the new environment.” I look around the house taking in the decor
“Better late than never! A friend of Reed’s is a friend of mine.” She smiles and goes back to a chair, watching whatever reality TV show is on. It'd be awkward to just stand around and wait, so I sit on the couch.
It's some show about hidden cameras in a house with a bunch of people doing challenges and competing for a cash prize, with one getting voted out each week. I never could get into reality TV, always seemed like it killed brain cells. After maybe 10 minutes Reed comes back and plops onto the couch.
We sit there and finish out the show, and watch some movie that didn't really interest me, partially due to being distracted by the moment I had at the restaurant, then thinking about the dreams I've been having. It's weird. What's my brain trying to tell me? It felt like she was there with me, am I just so stressed that I'm hallucinating sensations now? Should I tell any of this to anyone? I sound crazy, I'll for sure be locked awa-
“I’m calling it for the night, you good, bro?” Reed is standing in front of me, stretching as the credits roll.
“Oh, uh. Yeah. Sorry. I'm good, was just thinking.” Partial lie.
“During the whole movie bro? You don't seem so good.” Sharp as always.
“I...don't know if I want to get too into it right now bud. Everything that's going on right now and the dreams and what happened earlier. It's just a growing mountain, you know?” I look up at him, my hand rubbing the back of my neck.
He pats my shoulder, looking down at me. “I get you dude. Don't worry. I'll see if I can pull some strings to get you a sit down with that therapist sooner. But for now get some sleep in a nice comfy bed. Tomorrow is your first real shift.”
“Thanks bro. And I'll try.” I stand and grab my bag, Reed showing me to the “guest room” but it looks lived in, with some band posters, a wardrobe, and other various hippie/stoner décor. Definitely looks like Reed just offered me someone's room while they're away. Not surprising, but I let out a chuckle.
“Goodnight bud” I say to him and he responds in kind, closing the door.
“Fffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuck” I let out, as I change into pajamas and crawl into the big soft bed.
It doesn’t take long before the velvety soft embrace of the bed and blanket take a vice grip hold on me, causing me to fall into a deep slumber. For a while my dreams are fairly normal, but I soon find myself back in front of Dino-Moe’s. I stare at the handle on the door, soft sounds of people chattering on the inside and soft music being played, the melody being the same that I played earlier.
I sigh, and open the door and step inside. When the door closes fully the sound of people talking disappears and I can only hear the song being played. I move into the dining area and it’s packed full of familiar people that have no faces but are distinguishable by the rest of their appearance.
Up against the wall up on stage are two figures. One with an acoustic guitar and the other on the piano. They’re both Fang, but look vastly different. The one on guitar is the Fang that I knew back in Volcano High. On Piano is a Fang I’ve never seen. Wearing a yellow sundress and a red bandana wrapped around her crest.
As I approach the stage I see a table with only one person at it. Another fang, listening to them play, yet another that I haven’t seen before. This one looks disheveled, short hair that looks like she cut it herself, bags under her eyes, several tattoos on her arms, her wings overly plucked and spotty.
I sit next to her, watching the stage as well. It’s nice to have something different in my dream for once. But it’s still just as weird. Moments go by in silence before a faceless figure comes up to us, looks like Naomi, and she sets a glass of water on the table. She says something but it’s distorted and muffled.
“Fuck off” A raspy voice comes from next to me, and the Naomi turns to smoke.
After another minute or so, I get up and move across from her, looking Fang in the eye.
“What is this? What’s going on? Who are you, who are they?” I ask, trying to remain calm for fear of ruining the dream.
“Well, dweeb. If I told you what was going on that’d ruin the fun. That’s for you to figure out.” She replies a little coldly. Then a voice rings out from the stage.
“I never hated you for what happened. Well. For a little bit, sure. It hurt, but I had a long time to think about it. You must have felt like there was nothing left, and that you had to leave…wherever you went.” Said the Fang on Piano.
“I held on to hope you’d come back someday. Everyone told me all the time to move on. But I couldn’t, not for lack of trying. Any time I went on a date I’d find a way to remind myself of you. Even until the bitter end I thought only of you.” The guitarist says.
“And how sad, if I held on just a little longer I could have seen you again.” The woman in front of me says.
“It’s true. After the fight I felt like you’d just broken up with me. I felt like my life here was through as it was in Rock Bottom. So I went into the army. Left as soon as I could and left my phone in my apartment. It wasn’t my best choice…” I hold up my stump of an arm and she frowns a little.
“I raised her well, right? Our little girl? I tried to tell her that it wasn’t your fault for what happened. I didn’t want her to hold any resentment towards you, in case you ever came back. Though I can imagine she isn’t doing the best.” She asks as she looks to the side, a melancholic look on her face.
“She’s a little cold to me, but I can’t blame her. It’s tough suddenly being a father.” my hand balls up on the table.
“I wanted to surprise you at the wedding. That we were going to have a kid.” I frown a little at this.
“I’m sorry Fang. It just felt sudden, I-” This is getting tough.
“Tell her I’m sorry. If you can find a way to tell her about these dreams without sounding crazy.” I nod.
“I will. I promise. Fang, I’m sorry for everything.” I try to reach out for her hand.
But as I grab hold of it she looks me in the eyes, opens her mouth to speak and instead out comes the sound of a door opening and Reed’s voice “Time to wake up dude! Work time!”
My teary eyes fly open.
Notes:
I haven't forgotten you guys I promise, just been struggling to find my zone to write lately. ADHD is a bitch. I have 0 plans to give the story up or hand it off to anyone else, we'll see this story through!
The chapter title is yet another Radiohead song and is, in my opinion, the most sad song they've made.
I'll try my best to get the next one out sooner than a month and a half. I post updates on progress (if any) in the Snoot Club (Some times on twitter too) discord server in a thread specifically for this story!
Until next time, stay safe snooters.
Chapter Text
Once in a while,
You end up in a town,
Its doors open for you,
Step outside to look up and see,
The lights rain down.
I clamber out of the soft bed with a groan and wipe my eyes, yawn, and stretch. It’s my first day of real work and I'm not sure how prepared I am. Even before leaving Volcaldera I only worked food service with Moe, but retail is a whole new beast. Hopefully it's not too rough, especially with it being a weekend. I get dressed and head out the door, and Reed is already in the van waiting with some psych rock band playing so loud I heard it from my apartment.
“Easy first day bud, no big shipments.” He says as I buckle in.
“Big shipments? Like yesterday?” I ask.
“Nah, big shipment as in a big ‘ol box truck. Yesterday was just a transfer of some stock that got delivered to the wrong store.” I just nod mindlessly, watching the trees and cars pass by. My thoughts are occupied by other things.
What was that dream? Who were the other two Fangs? What did she mean by, well, everything? I never believed in ghosts, but maybe I'm just being haunted? No, if it's only me with these dreams it can't be ghosts. We hit a bump in the road and I snap back to reality, focusing back on the road and scenery.
“Hey man, you remember how I told you I had two opportunities for work? Well I'm doing a gig tonight. Be cool if you came by to help, maybe make a little money on the side.” He asks, turning the music down a bit.
“Do I work tomorrow? I'd imagine I'll be up late.” I look over at him.
“Nah we're always closed on Sunday, Lord's day and all that.” my face twists up in confusion, I never pictured Reed to be religious.
“Actually? Never knew you were a man of faith, bud.” I respond and he chuckles.
“Nah, nah. A guaranteed day off on the weekends lets my employees spend time with their friends and families. You get that plus two other days off a week, the other two are dictated by schedule.” Four days on, three off? This job always finds a way to sound more and more too good to be true.
“I only have to work four days a week? What kind of dream job are you running here Reed?” He laughs at my response.
“Everyone says that, but it only makes sense to take good care of your employees. Good pay, enough days off, benefits. Employee retention for my business is fantastic because it's an easy gig and great benefits.” His head bobs with the music a little, and I nod to his response.
We pull into the parking lot and I notice we got there before Sage. Reed unlocks the door and starts flipping breaker switches to turn all the lights on. It's a little weird, I never pictured myself working at a place like this; let alone for Reed. At least it'll pay for food. Maybe I could find a cheapo car too.
“Hey, Reed, do we get paid weekly or biweekly?” I ask as he opens the doors to the floor.
“Weekly, pay period ends on Saturdays, and you'll get paid on Mondays. I can do cash, checks, or direct deposit. Whichever works for you. Now, watch while I show you the procedures for opening the store.” He takes out a bank bag and pulls out the necessary cash and change, filling out the register drawer inputting the opening amount.
Reed hits one final button: the register is open, and all that's left is to unlock the door and turn on the open sign. With ten minutes left until the store opens, Sage walks in through the back, announcing their presence with a loud “GOOOOOOOD MORNING” to Reed and I, to which we both greet in turn.
Reed shoots me a tired smile and a thumbs up “Well that's about everything. You'll be here with Sage until close. If you have any questions, Sage is more than capable to help you. I need to go take a nap, compadre, good luck!” He waves to us both as he slips out the front door.
After a palpable silence, Sage speaks. “Soooooo. First day on the job. Think you're ready?” Sage looks at me, wearing the same overalls from yesterday, but a sky blue shirt under it, and those big circular glasses.
“It'll be fine. I think. I only worked at Dino-Moe's before going into the army, but from what I did yesterday with Reed this doesn't seem too difficult.” They smirk and scoff.
“Weekends here can get busy so get ready.” They say as they unlock the front door and flip the switch for the open sign.
Sure enough before Sage even gets behind the counter several people walk in. Sage greets them with a “Good morning, welcome to RVC Dispensary!” …RVC?
Sage returns behind the counter and while the customers are looking through products I ask “Hey, what's RVC?” They look at me like they're trying to not laugh.
“Reed never told you?” They respond.
“No. I never asked, though. He just kind of sprung the offer up to me.” My eyes flick between Sage and checking on the customers.
“Oh man you'll love this. Reed was high as hell while trying to think of a name for the store. So RVC stands for Reed's Very Cool Dispensary. Though only you and I know that, so don't tell anyone else.” I stifle a laugh as a customer approaches.
Sage walks off to help another customer so I ring this guy out. Easy enough, just a new pipe and some gummies. While I'm ringing their stuff up, they start to ask me questions; so I have to awkwardly try to answer what I can, telling them that I just started here today and don't really do drugs. They then go on a small tangent about stuff I need to try, and that “you're not living unless you're on somethin’ ".
I've never been one for doing drugs, I tried smoking weed once with Fang and Trish but that didn't go so hot. Mostly because of Trish. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to try again some time. Since I’m working here, it might help to know what I’m selling.
After a couple hours, we finally make it through the rush and have time to relax. Sage goes in the back and comes back with a little baggie of cookies the size of girl scout cookies. They only grab one out and munch on a half, before offering me the other. I simply look back questioningly at being offered half a cookie.
“Pot cookie. These are mild since we're on the clock. Eases the mind. You down?” They shake it a little, looking at me expectantly.
“I don't really get high, you sure it'll be mild?” They look at the cookie and break the half into a quarter and eat one of them.
“I'm sure. Made them myself. Now come on, don't be a square. Kinda silly to work at a pot shop and NOT get high.” I reluctantly take the piece and toss it into my mouth. Thankfully it tastes more like a cookie than weed, but I quickly wash it down with some water from the sink in the break room.
Let's hope I won't regret this. We continue to work for about another hour or so, and I don't really feel anything yet. I look at Sage and they're relaxing on a big bean bag chair placed in the corner behind the counter. I plop into the one next to them and as my body hits the soft fabric and sinks in, it feels like I fall out of my body, deep into the fabric and beads. I go limp and take in the sensations of the soft chair, the cool air, the soft trip-hop on the stereo. Every sound seems to echo through my skull like I'm at the end of a long hallway.
It's difficult to keep track of time as my head lays back into the beads, staring up at the ceiling. Sage says something to me, but it feels like I'm going deeper and deeper into a hallway, any stimuli feels like it takes a year for me to process it. Then Sage snaps their fingers and it feels like a slap to the senses and all my neurons are woken back up, I turn my head to look over at them.
“You feeling alright? Looks like that cookie smacked the shit out-” Their voices fades off as my mind falls back into the beads of the seat.
My eyes are too heavy to keep open, and my eyes seem to flutter closed all by themselves. I drift to sleep; losing the battle started by the cookie. I begin to dream of working with Reed and Sage. Another where I’m hanging out with Amber, Rosa, and Stella. It's not long before a familiar tired face finally shows, despite it not being the best time. Just standing in a spotlight in a black void, her back to me. I look around, and behind me is a door, no building or anything behind it. I look over my shoulder, back at the lone figure standing in the light. I step forward to the Fang who spoke to me last night, her head looking down at the ground.
“Fang? What is this? Where are we?” She jumps a little at the sound of my voice and turns her head to the side looking at me out of the corner of her eye. Her make up is running like she's been crying.
“It's still up to you to figure out the meaning of these. Ruining the secret is no fun.” She wraps her arms around herself and sniffles, looking back down at the ground.
“Are you alright? Is this…Just a dream? Are you a spirit talking to me?” I walk around in front of her, my arm reaching out to grab and caress her elbow, trying to comfort her.
“That's for you to decide. You believe in ghosts? Your mind playing some sick game on you by showing you your dead girlfriend over and over again?” She moves away from my touch and just walks a circle around me, looking at me as she says this.
“I…I don't know anymore.” I was never very spiritual. Ghosts and cryptids…If they were real there'd be solid proof.
“Heh. You'll get it eventually, dweeb.” She steps back into the light again, the feathers on her disheveled wings almost glistening. The light cuts off and a second later I'm woken up by a worried looking Sage.
“Oh, thank fuck you're alive. Don't scare me like that dude!” I feel extra groggy, my eyelids slowly prying open.. When they finally open fully Sage is over me, with both of their hands on my shoulders from shaking me awake. Their pink eyes locked onto mine with a mix of worry and relief.
“Everything good dude?” I ask, my eyes flicking to their arms and back and they get the hint, their eyes going wide and jumping back a little.
“Uh, yeah, man! Just, you knocked out like a light bulb, I thought you stopped breathing. Had to make sure you weren't dead, you know?” They scratch the back of their head.
“Oh… thanks dude. Just hit me like a truck. I told you I don't get high much.” They walk away and I check the time, it's only been an hour or so.
“Sorry. I thought a quarter would have been small enough. My tolerance hasn’t been that in years.” They chuckle nervously. “Don't worry, I won't tell Reed about your little nap.”
“Thanks dude. Do you normally have weird dreams while high?” They look off to the side in thought.
“Yeah, sometimes I get weird ones. I guess it depends on a bunch of stuff. Why, did you have a weird one?” They look back at me, the store still empty. Guess it's a good time to rip the band-aid off.
I tell them to sit down and I begin telling them about the dream I had just had, but that leads to more questions, which leads to me starting from the beginning. The night before I left Volcaldera. Honestly I should just write up a pamphlet filled with everything that has happened between then and now so I don’t have to re-explain this story so often.
“Sweet Raptor Jesus, Anon. I guess that explains the missing hand and why you acted so off when I asked about Fang yesterday.” They pause, and silence fills the room. They speak again. “I’m sorry to hear, Anon. I had no idea. I’ve been so caught up with work and university, I haven’t really BEEN in Volcaldera since graduation.” They say, looking over at me, before standing and giving me an awkward hug.
“It’s alright Sage. It’s been hard to acclimate…would you be able to tell me what any of these dreams mean?” They look down at me, then back to the front of the store, pondering.
“I think outside of a therapist, maybe Stella? I think she still does all that tarot and occult stuff? Could at least give you some insight into their meanin'.” They respond. Figures.
I get out of the bean bag chair and reply, “Yeah I’ll shoot her a text. Thanks Sage. Just gonna head to the bathroom for a sec.” . After washing my hands I stand outside the door, lean on the wall, and pull out my phone to text Stella. A new message from Amber. She asks if I want to join her and Rip to visit Fang's grave tomorrow. Am I ready for that? It feels like just yesterday I learned that she had died.
I think for a few minutes about whether I can handle that, then reply. I tell her I'll be there, and she gives me a time. Guess there goes my Sunday. Not that I'm complaining. Maybe it'll make me feel better in a way. Bring me some kind of peace.
Next up is Stella. I open up a chat between us and start my message.
Anon: “Hey Stella! Had a question for you. You busy?”
I pocket my phone and walk back out onto the floor. Several customers dot the floor and Sage is by the register. Guess I was so distracted by the message from Amber that I didn't hear the sound of the door chime going off. I step onto the floor and start helping customers when I hear my phone chime. A new message. We finish off helping the customers and I check my phone from behind the counter.
Stella: “Oh? You’re approaching me? Instead of going about your day you're approaching me?”
Anon: “I can't ask you a question without messaging you.”
Stella: “Oh, really…then ask away.”
Still a fuckin weeb.
Anon: “You still do tarot and dream readings and whatnot?”
Stella: “Not really lately…but for you I can try again.”
Anon: “Thanks Stella. Is there a good time for you?”
Stella: “Uhmmm tomorrow evening sound good? You can come by my place!”
Shit. I should have time, but... I'm going to see her grave, it'll be hard to also talk about my dreams and that experience at Moe's with her. I don't know if there's a better time, though, and the sooner I can get to the bottom of this, the better.
Anon: “That works! Just give me a time that works best for you.”
Stella: “I'll let you know tomorrow afternoon!”
Anon: “See you then!”
Alright tomorrow is a busy day, hopefully I'm not out too late at this other gig. Reed never even gave me a start or end time. Guess I'll find out when I see him later. Whenever that is.
A couple more hours pass and the sun is finally starting to set. Reed bursts through the rear doors, holding a pizza in one hand and a lit joint in the other. He sets the pizza on the table and takes a big puff from his joint before handing it off to Sage and turning to me.
“Gooooood evening Anon and Sage. Work go smooth I hope? Ready to go to the show?” He seems peppy.
“Yeah, sure!” Both Sage and I say almost simultaneously, then look at each other in confusion.
“Ah, yeah. Forgot to tell ya Sage but Anon’s comin’ with, he’s gonna help with the front door.” Sage looks me up and down and smirks.
“This guy? He’s gonna make sure no one acts a fool. You sure?” Ouch…
“Yeah! While I was out I looked around at some thrift shops and found you a real fake hand Anon!” What?
He reaches into a canvas bag under his shoulder and pulls out one of those old prosthetics that have no articulation in them. Just a hunk of plastic that looks like a real hand. I look at him to see if he’s joking around but he just has this big dumb smile on his face. I look over to Sage who’s trying to hide a laugh, and I sigh and take it, it has a couple straps to help keep it attached to my arm. It’s not the right size, and some of the plastic scrapes against the skin of my nub.
“T-thanks, Reed. This will do until I get a more modern one, I suppose.” I shoot him an awkward smile.
“No problem! I was at the thrift store and saw it and thought of ya. I know it’s not the best, but I figured it’s better than nothing.” Man, this guy.
“I appreciate it buddy. Now, what time does this start? Also, what time are we gonna be finished? I have something at noon tomorrow.” Reed pulls out a piece of paper and hands it to me. A schedule for the night. Doors open at eight-thirty, show starts at nine, and everyone has to be out by one in the morning. Should be fine to get good sleep.
“We always have an after party when a show finishes. Should be at most an extra hour, but one of us can give you a lift back to your apartment if you want to leave early. Don’t hesitate to let me know.” He says as he flips open the top of the pizza box and takes a slice. We have a good thirty minutes before we have to leave to get him set up so we spend the time talking about the day and the show ahead.
An hour later
I look down at the fake plastic hand that holds a jar for ticket stubs and sigh, then my eyes flick up to the front door of the venue, a crimson velvet rope blocking it off. I step outside and look at the crowd. A varied grouping of short and tall dinos and some humans peppered in here and there. I channel my days of being in the corps, and yell out to the crowd as if they were my squad receiving orders.
“ALRIGHT EVERYONE, PREPARE YOUR TICKET STUBS. I MAY HAVE ONE ARM BUT I’VE HAD ENOUGH CLOSE QUARTERS COMBAT OVERSEAS THAT I COULD STILL KICK YOUR ASS!” The crowd quiets down, with some hushed whispers lingering. I think everyone gets the message.
People start filing into the building one by one. I unhook the rope for each person after collecting their ticket stub. I'm not sure what I expected from this venue or the crowd, but here I stand in front of an old abandoned warehouse on the edge of town. Reed, some of his friends and Sage got all the equipment set up surprisingly fast. There's two people opening for him and he said that the crowd will be heavily varied because there's more than just one genre of music playing tonight. He was right, some of the people attending look like they just crawled out of a carfe den, others look like they just got off work at Hot Tropic.
He told me there's no limit to people allowed in since it's a large warehouse so I just keep accepting stubs and letting people through. Luckily no one gives me shit until a guy looking like a biker viking tries to go in without a ticket. I place my good hand on his shoulder and stop him in his tracks.
“No ticket, no entry, guy.” He just turns towards me and gets closer to my face.
“What'd you say to me, punk?” He's only slightly taller than me, and a dark green dino. Due to the shitty lighting by the door I can barely make out his details but if I had to guess he's some kind of Triceratops like Trish.
“No ticket. No entry. You can either sit here and wait while I call someone over to sell you one, or you can get out of here.” I look him in the eyes, gaze steeled.
“I ain't waiting out here, I have friends inside already.” He stares back at me, unwavering.
“Sucks to suck, dude. Should have thought about that earlier.” His face twists up as I finish my sentence. He doesn't like that one bit. He looks like he's ready to fight, and others in line start to get restless.
“Hey! Hurry up and get out of line!” Says one.
"You're holding up the line!” Another pipes up.
He swings his head around at the voices and then back to me and lets out a huff.
“Fine, call your guy. Skinnie trash.” He steps out of line and people resume filing in, and I turn my head into the venue to someone with last call tickets, waving them over to the asshole.
Twenty minutes after the altercation, I finally hear the loud strum of the guitar over the sound of the crowd and then immediately an almost deafening cheer. It's almost easy to forget how packed it is inside since I'm only covering 1 of the 2 entrances. The music starts to play and the crowd starts to speed up with getting inside. Sage taps me on the shoulder and motions me to come with. Someone takes my place and I set down the bucket.
Backstage behind the speakers it's quieter, calmer. Reed is pacing back and forth, smoking a cigarette. We lock eyes and he jogs over. We bump fists and he takes a big drag of his cigarette.
“Biggest crowd I've had to play for. Usually I'm just doing a show in a bar, or in a basement, or parties. Never…This. I'm nervous guys.”
I try to comfort him and say, “I've never seen you play, and I don't even know what genre you do. But from what I saw before I left, I believe in you Reed.” His eyes light up a bit and he smiles.
Sage seems to follow my lead and adds: “Yeah Reed, you know I've been here to help with most of your shows. I know you'll do great. Just don't think about the crowd.”
He pulls us both into a big hug. “Thanks guys, means a lot. Oh, Anon, I brought some people in through the side entrance, see if you can spot them in the crowd from up here while I'm playing.” He grabs his headphones and stands on the side of the stage entrance, joined by the others in the band.
The lights dim and a band walks off stage as the crowd roars. Reed and his band walk on stage and a moderate cheer comes over the audience. Next comes the deep hum of a synth. The lights come on in a flash as the bass thumps. The closest I could get to naming the genre he's playing is something you'd hear in an underground sewer rave. Dark but high energy at the same time.
I look over at Sage who is tapping their foot to the beat, looking out at Reed. I turn and look out to the front row of the crowd, and see some people jumping, and others bobbing their head to the beat. Among the moving faces I manage to notice an out of place Rosa. I also see Stella dancing to the beat like she had just crawled out of one of those Cybergoth dance videos, and Trish who also looks out of place and is bobbing her head to the music. I thought I saw a familiar gray ptero in the crowd but he's too much a goody two-shoes for a place like this, plus I would have heard about Naser being back in town from Amber.
His set continues for a while longer, continuing with the dark club music, with more of the crowd joining in to dance and jump around. I take a seat on a large crate next to Sage.
“Does he make this music himself or just mix tracks?” I look over at them.
“A little bit of both. If you haven't heard it before you couldn't tell, but his actual stuff is pretty good.” They look up from their phone. It's been a while he's been playing but he's managing to keep his energy up even while bouncing around on the stage while he fiddles with dials, sliders, and swapping out tracks on a laptop.
After a couple more tracks a song with a lower BPM starts and he speaks into his microphone.
“You've been great to me tonight, Volcaldera. Really warms my heart. But unfortunately this is curtains.” The crowd cheers and he plays out his final song with a rapid switch to a track with an even higher BPM than the previous ones.
The song concludes and he picks up his laptop, heading our way. He looks like he's out of breath but beaming with energy with a big smile on his face when he sees us there waiting. He looks back and forth between us and asks:
“What’d you guys think? Seemed like they loved me right?” His look falters for less than a second to one of anxiety.
“Reed, dude, you KILLED it!” Sage almost bounces with energy.
“Yeah, man. Never heard of this genre before, but I could totally see everyone really enjoyed it.” Anime and video game soundtracks will always be my go to. But Reed needs the support.
Stella and Trish round the corner and join the circle, Stella is actually bouncing with energy and Trish is beaming with a smile. Almost unnatural to see her smiling. Until she sees me, her face then changes to that of melancholic?
“Dude, Reed, you could have told me Anon would be here.” She says, looking at him.
“Nahhhh, you two got a bug to squash, you said so yourself.” He responds.
“Yeah but I could have thought up something to say.” He just shakes his head, and starts to talk to Stella. Trish turns her head to lock eyes with me and moves in the opposite direction of the group, wordlessly telling me to follow her and I do.
We step off to the side and she crosses her arms, looking at me, a little annoyed. She lets out a big sigh and closes her eyes as she starts talking. “Look. I'm sorry about when we last met. I’ve been thinking about it and you're not to blame for Fang not being here. I'm not sure how I feel about everything or you just yet, but just know one thing. If you leave Amber? You better cover your tracks real good.” She finishes with a huff, holding her hand out for a shake.
I shake her hand and nod. The thought of leaving Amber hasn't even popped into my head yet, I could never. As weird and sudden as it is, she's my kid. I give Trish a look of determination and respond. “I could never. I have to do this. For Fang, and for Amber.”
Her expression softens a little. “I'll be keeping an eye on you. But don't worry, I won't be a hard ass on you like I was back in high school. Just staying wary.” I simply respond with a nod.
We rejoin Reed, Sage, and Stella as the following act plays their set. It's hard to keep track of the time as we start packing up his stuff that the stage hands carried off as he finished. Next up is the after party while the last set plays. We step out back to smoke and shoot the shit for a while. The air is filled with the muffled sound of music playing mixed with the cool night breeze and the crackling of a bonfire in a trash can. Couldn't get much better than this.
“Dude! Reed! Bro! That show was great, you killed it out there!” An unfamiliar woman’s voice shouts out as they join in the group as we stand around the fire.
“Glad you could make it sis. I know you've been busy with work.” Reed responds, leaving me dumbfounded at the prospect he has a sister he never mentioned.
“Yeah but one of my patients canceled in the morning so I was able to come by. What a fuckin’ show! The difference between now and last I saw you perform is like night and day. Granted, that was your first show ever.”
I finally get a good view of the person speaking. Reed’s sister is almost a carbon copy of him, but with long, thick, voluminous hair. She’s dressed like a hippie going to any concert, donning a black tank top with the sides cut down to a tied off end, ripped up jeans, sneakers, and a headband. She turns her head to look around at the crowd around the fire. Her lips are moving as she talks to the others but I can’t hear anything as her eyes lock with mine.
Notes:
After 2 deaths in the family, I'm still alive friends. I had this close to being done a while ago, but. Life happens. Love the people close to you.
This Chapter title is another song by Low Roar about moving to a town and being accepted and welcomed with open arms.
There's more to come I promise.
Chapter Text
I'll let you run away from me, faster than I crawl
A rabbit falls away from me, guess I'll crawl
A rabbit always smashes me, again I crawl
I tried to think what's over me, it makes me crawl
I'll let you run away from me, faster than I crawl
My alarm rings and I groan. I didn't get back home until two thirty in the morning. Luckily Sage gave me a ride back since Reed was planning to be at the after party for a while longer. I look at the time and crawl out of bed. I don't have to be at Rip's place for another hour or so, so I have time to shower and grab a light snack. As I'm getting clothes and a towel together, I hear a heavy knock on the door.
I look through the peephole and see just a huge, dark gray figure staring back at me. I open the door and notice Ripley taking up most of the doorway. He looks down at me with that annoyed grimace I've become so accustomed to. His eyes dart to my fresh clothes and back to me.
“Good, you're getting ready. I don't know if you've checked your phone recently but Amber tried to reach out to you about a slight change of plans. Be as quick as you can, we're getting lunch after we visit Lu- er...Fang’s grave. Sam is coming as well, so be careful what you say. It'll be hard enough for her to come to the grave site.” I nod and turn to hop in the shower for a quick scrub.Fuck, Sam? I hope that Rip and Amber have kept her up to date on me being back.
Ten minutes later, I grab my stuff and step out of my apartment, Rip still standing there. He grunts and nods towards the stairs after I lock my door, and we head out to a black SUV you’d see some federal agent driving. Sam is seated in the front, looking off in the distance despondently, and Amber in the back seat.
I clamber in the back behind Sam. I look over at Amber but she's on her phone. Ripley buckles in and we start moving. No one says a single word the entire drive, almost an hour away. All I'm able to do is take in the scenery we pass by but my eyes just so happen to flick over to the passenger rear view mirror and I notice Sam staring at me. The look on her face. I can't tell if it's melancholic, disdain, pain, or a mixture of all three.
I guess she wasn't fully ready to see me again. I can't blame her. I break eye contact and lean against the door, looking out the window but I can still feel her piercing gaze. My mind wanders off in search of a distraction, before finding it in the night before, meeting Reed's apparent sister he never mentioned.
The night before
An annoyed Trish on my left jabs me in my side and snaps me back in the moment to look at the person approaching me
“Nice to finally meet you, Anon. My brother has told me so much about you through the years. My name’s Reeda.” I snort and stifle a laugh.
“Yeah, mom was real original with naming us. Couldn’t even spell it Reida, just slapped an A to the end of his name because she was so high when she had us she wrote his name twice.” I burst into laughter and lean against my knee.
She just rolls her eyes with a smirk on her face. Definitely not the first time she’s gotten this reaction. I finish my laughing and look around at the others as they talk amongst themselves “Reed never told me he had a sister, and I never saw you at Volcano High. Are you local?” I ask, looking back at her.
“Yeah, mom and dad got a divorce when we were in freshman year. Reed wanted to stay here with mom, and I went with Dad. We still visited the other parent weekly, but I had to go to school down south. I finally moved back up here with Reed a couple years ago after dad passed from lung cancer.”
Rough. “Sorry to hear. I hope you've been enjoying your time being back, at least.” I look back to the fire, the time of the night finally catching up to me as I let out a yawn.
“Can't complain. Not like I ever really left this place though. Just shared my time somewhere else for a little while.” She looks into the fire with a fond gaze.
“Things been better since coming back?” My eyes flick over to her.
“Yeah. Got a nice job, been living with goofball over there. Totally normal life of the serious business woman during the week, and then partying and relaxing on the weekend.” She reaches in her pocket for a lighter and pulls a joint out of her purse. After taking a puff she reaches her arm out to offer me the joint. She looks at me expectantly. “Quieres?”
I look at the lit joint and back to her, then I shrug. Can't be any worse than that cookie I had earlier, right? I pinch it between my fingers and put it to my lips, inhaling deep and passing it back to her. She shakes her head and points to my left to Trish, so I get her attention by nudging her with my hand. She looks at me with another annoyed look and then sees the joint in my hand and takes it. I finally exhale.
I struggle to not cough a lung up, since it's been an eon since I've actually smoked weed. The feeling is so much different than a cigarette. My hands start to tingle and the same feeling I felt before starts to creep back, this time stronger. “Guess I should have expected Reed's sister to have a preference for strong strains, they probably all smoke together all the time.”
She snorts and laughs. Man I haven't thought out loud in forever. Basic training beat that out of me quick. “Yeah, we do smoke together. Reed also just has me test new products frequently.” She says, wiping a tear from her eye.
That weird feeling grows over time as I stand there, watching everyone else converse around the fire. After some indeterminate amount of time Sage comes up to me, looking a little worried. “Anon, you have that same look on your face from earlier. Are you feeling okay?” They ask, placing a hand on my shoulder that sends shockwaves through my body and jolting me to attention.
The only thing I can muster is a nod and a grunt that means yes.. Guess we’re going non-verbal again. Sage nods and goes back over to Reed, talking to him for a moment. Reed shoots a look at his sister, semi disappointment, semi holding back a laugh. Sage returns.
“Reed is gonna be here for a while, it's like one thirty and I'm about to go home, you want a ride back to your place?” They fish out their keys from a pocket in their overalls. I simply nod and begin to follow them as best I can as I wave to the cacophony of tidings for departure. Sage isn't parked too far away from the rear of the now silent and dark warehouse.
“So, where are you shacked up?” They ask.
“Skin Row.” I managed to mumble out along with my apartment number.
I don’t even need to look at them to see the look on their face. Worry.
Present time.
The car stops and I’m snapped back to reality. We drive through an intricate metal gate before headstones come into view. A bottomless pit opens in my stomach and my heart falls in. I don’t know if coming here was the right thing to do. This feels so soon I don’t feel ready. I feel like I’m gonna vomit. Even though I haven’t eaten yet, I feel my stomach acid bubbling up and I -
“We’re here.” Ripley says in a manner I haven’t heard before. Soft. The car comes to a halt, some distance in.
I stare at the floor of the car and it feels like time has stopped. I’m not ready for this. The door opens and it’s like a dream, there she is in front of me. The tears welling in my eyes cease, but this dream doesn’t last long as I notice the red bandana around her crest. My daughter. A carbon copy of her mother. She looks tired. She nods her head to the left.
“C’mon.” She says, blocking the sun from her face.
“Thanks, Amb.” I step out and close the door, Sam and Ripley up ahead walking to the grave site already.
“Do you think Sam is really okay with me coming along?” I ask her as we walk shoulder to shoulder behind my almost in-laws.
“I’m not sure. This is her first time coming. It was always unbearable to her. Even the thought of coming to visit her daughter’s grave would make her break down. Even learning about you being back is still fresh to her.” I look at her when she finishes speaking.
“When did you tell her? And how did she react?” I look back up at them, Rip is dressed like he has work later, and Sam looks like she just left the funeral home.
“Welllllll. I asked Rip if we should just tell her because this was coming up. So a couple days ago I brought it up over dinner, when she was sober. She just kind of stared into her dish. Didn’t take another bite. Responded with just a “mhh.” to let us know she heard us. After a minute or so she just went to bed.” Her brow furrows as she looks on at her grandmother.
That's…worrying. I stare at Sam’s back, my own eyes narrowing at her. I wasn’t expecting a party or a warm welcome from her, but this is a bit much. To not even acknowledge that I’m back? It’s not like her. At least from how I knew her back then. I know that my leaving started Fang on a dark path, but surely she can understand how I was feeling.
They stop at the grave, and Amber holds out her hand, signaling me to stop, at least seven feet away from them. Probably to give her grandmother space. All I can do, and all that my body will let me do is stare on ahead. Sam looks up at Ripley, then back down to the patch of soil in front of them. I’m out of earshot so I can’t hear what’s being said but I can clearly see Sam talking to the ground, to her child.
Crying. Mourning. Sobbing. She grabs on to the grass and dirt as her tears fall. Ripley looks awkwardly at his wife, leaning down on one knee to rub her back and console her. She grabs onto him and buries her face into his shoulder as she continues to wail into him. He picks her up and walks past us to take her back to the SUV, not even throwing a glance towards us as Amber and I walk forward to where they were.
On the dark marble headstone, it reads.
Our beloved daughter, mother, sister.
Lucy “Fang” Aaron
Born 6-4-201M2003
Died 8-20-201M2036
Heaven's light restore you
I read it over and over, my mind struggling still to wrap around the fact that this is where her body lay. I only now realise, I forgot to bring something. “Sorry, Luce.” I mutter. Amber taps me on my shoulder, holding out her closed fist. I bring my open palm up to her, and I feel something small and semi-metallic fall into it. I bring my hand down and look at the small phone roomba that absently stares back up at me.
“RAY-mba? Where’d you find him? How’d he make it so long?” I look up at Amber.
“Mom held onto it all this time. He stopped working a long time ago, but he’s still in one piece. I brought him in case you couldn’t bring something. Figured this was important to her if she held onto it so long. She never told me where it came from though. Now I know.” She shoves her hands in her pockets.
“Yeah, I bought it on our first date. I-” A lump grows in my throat and I feel a tear fall from my eye.
She pats my shoulder and I look back to her headstone. I set Ray-mba down on the bottom of the headstone. The weather won’t be kind to him, but his mission was finished a long time ago. I take a long breath and rub the grass over her, preparing to finally say what I’ve always wanted to, since I left.
“Fang…I don’t know if you ever ended up forgiving me for disappearing, but at the time I was a scared teen who thought that their life had just collapsed around them. I made the worst choice of my life and left. Amber grew up a fine kid, you did well with the state I left you in.”
“Fang, I-” I choke back more tears and continue. “I miss you just as much as when I left. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I’m sorry I’m such a fucking idiot and ran at the slightest bend of the road.” The tears flow onwards.
Amber squeezes my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Lucy.” I break all the way down and clench the ground beneath me.
I'm nothing more than a babbling mess, repeating my apology over and over again. Suddenly, I feel a second hand grab my other shoulder. I look up through tears and make out the figure of Ripley, Sam already back in the car. I sniffle and wipe my eyes, getting up onto my feet.
“I don't wanna cut this short, but I figured now would be a good time to grab a drink, and bite to eat.” He says, nodding towards the SUV.
“No, no, it's fine Rip. I've said all I need to for now. Let's go.” I stand up and look down at the headstone one more time before turning around and following him, Amber at my side.
Sitting again in the spacious fed-mobile, we begin moving again. To lunch. With Sam. My heart picks up pace, was this a bad idea? She clearly isn't happy I’m back in town, I can’t even imagine how she feels about me going to lunch with her. Maybe I should try to talk to her? I don't know, maybe I'd just make things worse between us, as strenuous as our “relationship” already is.
*BZZT BZZT* my phone grabs my attention and I open it to see a text from Stella.
Stella: Heya, just making sure you're still planning on coming by later! I should be free in a couple hours.
Anon: Yeah, just gotta go to this lunch and I'll be good to go. I'll text you before I head that way to see if you're ready.
Stella: Sounds good! Let me know!
My attention returns to gazing out the window, trying to ignore the obvious daggers being thrown at me through the rearview mirror by the silent and somber ptero in the seat in front of me. Luckily it doesn't take us long to get to the spot chosen for brunch. Something quick and easy. Pancake house. A twenty-four hour stop for all manner of breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
We slide into a booth and a waitress comes up to give us our drinks and hand us menus. As I open the menu, I then remember how utterly broke I am until I get paid from Reed. I sigh and slide the laminated sheet back to the middle, looking out the window, but am jabbed by the plastic into my elbow. I look at the perpetrator and see Rip.
“Don't worry about it kid. I know you're working on it, you can pay me back later.” He grumbles a little. I can tell he's still a little reluctant to show me any kindness, even after all these years. He must be doing it for Amber, but even still I feel guilty over receiving anything from him.
I try to push the menu back, but his look just hardens, telling me almost threateningly to just take it. “Thank you, Ripley. I will as soon as I can.” He only replies with a grunt, his eyes flicking back to browsing. I feel bad for taking something from them, but there's no way out of this, so I'll just pick something cheap.
The waitress returns and takes all of our orders, I ask only for a bowl of scrambled eggs, hash browns, sausage, and melted cheese. Then she gathers our menus and returns to the counter, leaving us in an awkward silence. Amber has the easiest out as her phone buzzes and she zips to it, leaving me to the wolves. Ripley looks as tightly wound as usual, unable to relax and let his guard down for even a moment, regardless of his age.
Sam on the other hand is staring out the window, still holding on to her thousand yard stare, though her staring is broken as her eye flicks over to me, then back outside. What's her deal? My brow furrows, this tension is almost palpable. I've gotta break the silence before it kills me.
“So, Amber, got any plans set up for after you graduate? Maybe college?” She almost jumps at the sudden mention of her name and sets her phone down.
“Oh, uh, yeah, I was thinking about going to study music. Me and a couple friends have a little band but we just kind of play for fun, nothing serious yet.” She looks down at her hands on the table, fidgeting with her thumbs.
“Like mother like daughter.” I hear the first words from Sam. Raspy, tired, and stressed.
“Yeah, mom showed me how to play, showed me how much she loved it. Showed me a song she made when you guys were together. I loved it. I love playing, though I haven't played as much this last year because of…you know.” Her gaze softens as she looks down, her hands balling up.
“That's wonderful kiddo. If you would want to, and if you guys were serious about wanting to play, I think I know a guy from my time overseas who could help you get your foot in the door.” I look over at her, and she begins to perk up a little before Sam snaps at me.
“Anon you've been gone for seventeen years of her life, and suddenly you show up after her mother, MY DAUGHTER, kills herself and you think now is a good time to step up to the plate to play house and be a father?” She's almost standing up, her fist on the table, her eyes wide with anger.
The building is quiet now, and everyone is staring at us, while Ripley is trying to get her to sit and asking her to not yell.
“She never told me, Sam. No one did. I left because I thought my world had just collapsed. I left because I thought that Lucy left me. Because I thought I had nothing else here; I sure as shit couldn't go back home to that podunk town in the middle of nowhere, where my own parents barely even acknowledged my existence outside of regret and hatred.” I stare her down, back into her eyes.
The corners of her snout forms into a snarl and she simply responds “Get out.”, her eyes furious.
So I just stand up, and walk out. My blood is boiling. I understand the repercussions of my actions and the remorse and regret I feel over them is immeasurable, but what happened, what she did to herself. That isn't my doing. I pull out my phone and open my messages.
Anon: Hey, Stella, is now okay? Plans ended sooner than I expected, so I figured if I could I would stop by there now if that's cool.
Stella: Hey Anon! I'm in the middle of a video right now, yeah you can stop by if you don't mind just chilling until I'm finished. Here's my address!
I paste the address into gruugle maps and start jogging since it's been a minute since I've been able to get some steps in, plus the time alone will help to get my mind off of the argument.
Luckily she's only a couple miles away so it doesn't take long to get there. I pull out my phone to check which apartment is hers and noticed I have a few texts from Amber, apologizing for Sam, asking where I went, apologizing again.
Anon: It's not your fault kiddo, don't stress. We can get lunch some other time.
I pocket my phone and walk up the stairs, then knock on her door. No response. I try her doorbell next and wait a bit longer. “One sec!” I hear through the door, accompanied by the muffled sound of plastic bags and metal cans.
Finally after a few minutes she opens the door, looking disheveled and exhausted, squinting at me like the light of the hallway is the brightest she's seen today, wearing a T-shirt that's four sizes too big, smeared and runny makeup, and messy hair.
“You alright Stella?” I step into her apartment after she steps aside.
“Was fine, until about twenty minutes ago. Take a seat there, I'll be back in a few when I finish editing this part of the video.” I simply nod to her and take a seat, the light in the room dim.
“What happened? We can do this another time if you need.” I ask from the couch, as she steps aside, the room is relatively clean, a couple empty bottles and cans can be seen strewn about.
“Ehhhh, just got into an argument with my mom. No big deal, no need to push this off.” She wipes the corner of her eye.
“Are you sure? It's not a big deal for me to wait.” She shakes her head at this question.
“I'm sure, I got to a good stopping point for what I was editing.” She states, sitting at a small desk in the joined dining area.
As I sit on the couch I look over at the TV in the corner; some news network is on. She turns to me from her desk and tells me “I have some leftovers in the fridge if you’re hungry? If not then I can turn off the TV and we can get started.”
My stomach rumbles from skipping out on brunch and it’s now well into the afternoon. I suppose, since she’s offering, it wouldn’t hurt to grab a bite. I stand and walk over to the fridge, opening the door. “I had to skip out on brunch, so, if you don’t mind…”
She just nods and looks back at me standing in front of the fridge. “I don’t mind, as long as you’re fine with me stealing some. It IS my food after all.”
“Yeah of course that’s fine.” I plop the only take-out container into the microwave without checking the contents. Anything will do at this point.
I fumble around her drawers looking for utensils and open the microwave to see what the food is first, pulling it back out and looking inside. Deep fried fish, rice, and some kind of deep fried veggie. I resume the microwave, and grab two forks. I split it half half onto two plates and a minute and a half later I plop back onto the couch; Stella gets up from her desk to eat with me.
We eat, and flip through stuff on the TV before leaving it on some anime network showing MoMo’s Strange Quest. They’re on their way to Egypt and are fighting an Orangutan? What will they think of next?
After finishing the episode and the plates, I set them into the sink and Stella sits in a chair at a small round table in the corner of the room, looks like no more than 2 people could sit at it, but it makes sense given the size of the apartment.
“Alright, Anon. I’ll warn you beforehand that I’m very rusty with this, and even then I mostly did tarot readings. Dream interpretations are best left to a shrink or at the least, someone with a license.” She pulls out a small psychology book.
I sit in the chair across from her, resting my good arm onto the tabletop. I nod to her and watch as she flips through some pages in her book, my phone goes off again and I whip it out to check. Amber again.
Amber: Hey, just got back home. Where are you? I’ll head over there and we can talk about what happened.
Anon: Not a great time. I’m with Stella. She’s gonna tell me what some of these weird dreams I’ve been having since coming back might mean.
Amber: Perfect! I’m on my way.
I roll my eyes a little and look back at Stella. “Amber’s on the way. Long story short, I told her not to. That alright?”
Her eyes light up. “Yes! I love Amber, we talk about anime all the time.”
After a few minutes and Stella’s continued reading through the book, a knock comes from the door and I stand to open it. Amber stands there, panting and a little sweaty from riding her bike over. “You didn’t have to rush over like that, kiddo. Also we could have just came to pick you up.” I step aside for her to come inside.
“Nah, didn’t want to hang this up. You never told me you’ve been having weird dreams. What were they about?” She steps inside, setting her helmet onto the kitchen counter.
“You’ll have to wait and see. I was a little apprehensive about you sitting in on this, because of what they were about.” I close and lock the door, walking over and sitting back at the table with Stella as she closes the book after seeing Amber at the door.
“Amber! It’s been a while, sister! Get comfortable as always.” Stella waves to Amber.
Her head snaps over to me, suddenly looking eerily serious. “Are you ready? These may not sit well with you, as dreams are a way for our subconscious to tell us things are wrong, or our desires, wants, and needs.”
I simply nod to her, and she asks me to begin with the first dream. I tell her about the night I stayed at the Aaron house, walking back into Moe’s for the first time, seeing her stand there up on the stage, playing our song and how I tried with all that I could to run up to the stage before falling and waking myself up.
She nods along, and tells me to continue with the next dream, where Fang had set the stage on fire, me screaming her name and her simply giving a sad melancholic smile. Then the strange sit down at Moe's with the 3 different Fangs. How I needed to find out what all of this meant on my own. Then finally, the most recent one of my first day of work, when Sage gave me that pot cookie.
Stella looks at me seriously as I finish going over the events of my dreams, holding her hands together and resting her chin upon them. I look over my shoulder to Amber. She's looking misty eyed, staring up at me. After a minute or two of silence, Stella lets out a sigh, I look over at her and her eyes are closed.
“I want to say again that I'm no professional. However. In my opinion, listening to these dreams you have been having, it sounds like ever since learning what happened to Fang, you've been carrying a tremendous amount of grief, whether you want to acknowledge it or not.” She begins.
“As for these dreams where you're trying to chase after her, you want to go back to before you left, do it over. You want to go back to when you got in that fight. You want to go back to the time when you felt you had it all.” I simply nod along, taking it all in.
“And finally, this big dream with you and these 3 Fangs. One is clearly the Fang you knew before you left. The one on piano seems like it could be a representation of a Fang that could have been, had you stayed. And the one you spoke to the most, it's weird, because the way you described her is exactly how she looked in the month leading up to what happened.”
“No matter, this Fang is the Fang that came to be. Immeasurably sad but happy to see you again. She wanted you to learn something. Something you need to learn yourself. This is what you must do to finish these dreams off for good. If you can't figure it out yourself then I would suggest seeking professional help.” She finishes.
I let out a sigh. “Thank you Stella. I plan to go to therapy as soon as it's covered by work, to talk about what I dealt with in the army and these dreams on top of it. It's like I'm being held down by a mountain.”
She nods and stands. “Anything for a friend. I hope that you can get the help you need and that it helps you overcome these issues. Amber, it's good to see you again, we'll have to catch up again so I can show you this new anime I found!”
They start to talk about anime and I tune them out, immediately thinking of all this new information I’ve been presented with. It makes sense, I think? I really need to get on Reed's case about when I can see a professional. Right now I just gotta think about how I'm gonna spend the rest of my day. Need to also see if I'm working tomorrow.
I whip out my phone and call up Reed, stepping away from the conversation they’re having. He answers with a “Yoooooo, Anon, what's up buddy?”
“Not much, Reed. Just giving you a ring to see if I'm working tomorrow.” I ask, leaning against the counter in the kitchen.
“Let me seeeee.” I can hear some paper rustling on the other end.
“Your next day off will be Wednesday, need a ride in the morning?” He asks as a plop of papers can be heard in the background.
“No worries, I can get there myself, it’s been a few days since I've gotten a good run in.” I respond, walking around the room.
“Alright broham. Same time as yesterday. I'll be by at some point in the morning. Later dude.” He hangs up before I can even respond. I sit in the chair by the table again, watching them talk about new anime releases I've never heard about. It still boggles my mind, coming back and finding out that I'm a father.
We chat for a while longer until the sun goes down but the whole time my mind is still trying to wrap around this whole situation. I snap back into reality and look around the room, Stella only remains and I think she's back to working on her video. Amber left a little bit ago, saying she had some chores to do and wanted to check in on Sam.
I gather my things and start the jog home. The weather cooled off and dark clouds rolled in. It looks like a storm is on the way. I pick up my pace as a couple droplets of water splat onto my face. I’m rushing but, out of the corner of my eye, at a bus stop, I spot an ugly green jacket covered in flowers.
Something about this jacket feels so familiar yet I can't put my finger on it. I pick it up and look it over. Black fabric lining inside, more ugly flowers on the front. Huh. I set it back down and I start my jogging again, the rain picking up more as I dodge and weave through a crowd of people running back to their cars from the beach. I don't make it out of the crowd before it becomes a full on torrential downpour.
As I'm wiping my face free from the rain I catch a glimpse of a dark figure across the street, holding an umbrella and staring right at me but as I free my vision and someone passes in front of me, they're gone.
Clearly it wasn't bad enough that I'm having these nightmares, I'm seeing things now? The crowd clears up and I resume my half-sprint back to my apartment. The sound of thunder and a roaring rain are deafening from inside the lobby. I walk up the stairs, before finding my number, getting inside, and locking the door behind me. Rain today of all days. How perfect.
It’s only 5pm, I still have plenty of time left to kill before I get tired. I take a look out my window and down the street, the wind is howling through the alleyways of the apartment buildings, and I can't shake this feeling of paranoia. Like I'm being watched. I don't see anyone on the street, and looking through the peephole on my door yields nothing.
I pace around the apartment, this feeling of paranoia growing more and more. I make sure that my windows are locked as well, turning all the lights off and closing the curtains. I get into my bed, doom scrolling through Yousnoot shorts until I eventually pass out.
Notes:
I originally wanted to get this out a while back, mainly for the 1 year anniversary of this story, but life got hectic with the holidays and the turning of the seasons. Thank you all for continuing to read this, new and old readers. I'm still working on this, and we're not done yet!
This chapter is named after a song from Dinosaur Jr about a love that will always be out of reach.
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Last Edited Wed 22 May 2024 11:21AM UTC
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