Chapter Text
Is anyone here prepared to say
Just what they mean or is it too late?
"hi love, guess who just got into the PhD program! if you were gonna say it was your bestie Paul then you were right! hahaha! just wanted to let you know, we'll talk in the evening as planned anyway. love you, bye!"
Joan still smiled at the endearment - and the news - her heart swelled up with pride: her best friend in the world got into that PhD program he'd been dreaming about for years. as a matter of fact, the PhD program was their shared dream. Joan already knew, however, that she didn't make the cut this year, and the bitter pain of her disappointment was still fresh on her lips. it was alright, though, she told herself. after the pandemic, the world was in desperate need of renowned psychiatrists than mere translators as herself. the world was already crammed with too many words as it was. and besides, her inner critic kept whispering that she simply wasn't good enough to get into that program, and Joan, slowly but surely, started to believe him.
the party was her idea. Paul wasn't initially too sure but Joan and Greta managed to convince him his admittance was a good opportunity to celebrate. her original idea was to celebrate the fact that both of them had enough courage to send their applications anyway, and she carefully picked the date for the party, which was to take place the day after the recruitment was going to conclude.
Joan lightly shook off her dark thoughts at the sound of knocking to her door; she adjusted her dark curls and went to open. of course it was Paul. he was alone, Joan noticed. "hiya, Joanie", he smiled brightly at her when she unlocked the door and Joan couldn't help but smile back at him. "hi, Paulie", she answered. "where's Greta?", Joan asked, furrowing her brows. Paul invited himself inside, "oh, couldn't make it. she says she's sorry but she had to cover someone's night shift. guess it's just us three tonight then."
Joan smiled fondly at his back; as usual, he was leading the way towards her small living room and she followed him.
the living room was carefully decorated with balloons because Joan didn't have it in her to organize a theme party for the four (or rather, three) of them. "okay, you have to tell me everything now", she said, pouring first drinks. "oh, it's not much to talk about, really", Paul put some subtle music on to play in the background and sat down on her purple couch, "hi, Simone. ...oh hi there, beautiful!"
Joan's orange cat, Luna, woke up at the sound of Paul's voice, and climbed on his lap, asking for pets. Joan laughed, watching the cat almost aggressively pushing its delicate head into Paul's hand. Paul complied, started to scratch the cat, which resulted in Luna's loud purring.
Luna loved Paul with all her feline heart, just as her owner.
Joan knew she was hopelessly in love with her best friend. believe her, she was comfortable with the fact that she couldn't live a day without seeing Paul's stupid, boyish, handsome face. watching him interacting with her orange cat fixed something inside her broken heart - she knew Paul would never be in love with her even though she believed he loved her. maybe he felt something akin to brotherly love. or maybe he took Greta's path and simply thought she was a closeted lesbian with her lack of fashion sense. Greta wasn't the only in the long line of Paul's girlfriends to think Joan played for the rainbow team though, and Joan wasn't about to change anyone's mind; she was past 30 and fresh out of fucks to give regarding people's ideas of her.
Joan itched to plop by her best friend but she chose the safe option of one of the armchairs instead. beside her sat Simone who prepared all their food for the party. Simone started as Joan's colleague from the same class at uni who quickly dropped off, instead chosing to pursue the world of professional cooking and excelling at it.
"you know, Paul, maybe that's the life of men who choose to go out with the nurses", mused Simone jokingly.
Paul made a face of confusion. "yeah, maybe it is", he answered finally, taking a sip of his whiskey.
"okay, tell me about the program, I'm dying to know everything", Joan cut to the chase.
"so I got the results of my interview earlier today, shortly before I called you, and turns out my score summed up to 98/100 points and... I think it might be the best news I've gotten in a little while because starting off October, I am going to be a PhD student working on my thesis for the upcoming 4 years!"
"that's really something, congrats!", cheered Simone, raising her glass of wine to Paul. Joan followed suit, raising her wine as well.
"I knew you'd get in, you have a lot to offer to the academic world", said Joan. the man's cheeks colored a bit at the praise, making him look even more endearing. "uh... thanks?"
***
Joan was in the middle of puffing out a cloud of cigarette smoke when she heard a creak, a few steps and a warm weight sitting down beside her. a whiff of nice cologne drifted towards her. wordlessly, she extended her cigarette arm towards the warm weight, offering a puff. Paul accepted the smoke, taking a deep drag. she looked at uni his eyes were closed after a long while, he blew the smoke out, still looking like he was working himself up to something.
"it's such a weird, bittersweet feeling, Joan", he said finally, as if continuing a paused conversation. he took another drag but blew it quickly. Joan sat there beside him, watching his expressive face. "on one hand I really wanted to get in, I've been dreaming about it for the longest time, you know it because I've been nagging you to join me for years. on the other hand, it seemed so obvious that you'd get in as well that I never considered the possibility that you wouldn't be there with me... I just wish that program would be another thing for us to share, Jo..."
her heart broke a bit at the note of sadness in his voice. "I know, Paulie", she whispered. "it was my dream as well". Paul embraced her with his spare arm, sending another wave of his cologne her way. she leaned her head on his shoulder, breathing his smell greedily.