Chapter Text
It’s 4 AM when Sam’s phone buzzes, rousing her from her sleep.
At first she chooses to ignore it. Probably another spam text, she thinks. She snuggles deeper under the covers, squeezing her eyes shut in the hopes that she’ll soon drift off. But then her phone buzzes again - once, twice, three times, and she realizes with a groan that it’s definitely not spam at all.
Sam sighs and grabs it off the nightstand. She’s greeted with a flurry of text notifications, all from the same number.
For god’s sake, he’s still awake?
Sam taps a notification and squints as the messages pop up on the screen. Hey sorry 2 bother u but got bad news, the first one says.
She frowns and straightens up against the pillows as she reads the subsequent texts.
i think it’s brushed
sorry autocorrect butter
BUSTED smh
Sam rubs a hand over her eyes before replying.
Jonas it’s 4am did you even sleep?
She watches the little dots dance across the screen as he types.
oh shit is that what time it is
Sam snorts in spite of herself. She’s going to have to give him yet another talking-to about setting alarms while he’s working.
S: what was the point of me giving you that smartwatch for your birthday if you aren’t even gonna use it
J: look i was busy ok!
S: with what?
J: the device obvs
S: ffs I said we’d look at it again tomorrow
J: i couldn’t wait
S: ugh fine what’s wrong with it? btw you owe me dinner now
J: ok. u wanna go 2 that new hibachi place
S: JONAS
J: ok ok! i think it’s outta power
S: the device?
J: yeah. that’s why we haven’t been able 2 turn it on
S: okay so now what?
J: idk but i think the crystal in the middle is some kinda battery
S: so…maybe we need a new one?
J: that’s what i was thinking
S: and you couldn’t wait to tell me this later???
J: sorry i didn’t know what time it was!
S: it’s fine just pls go to bed now
J: ok ok gotcha
S: I mean it
J: OK! Goodnight 😊
S: technically it’s morning dummy
J: do u want me 2 go or not
S: yes shut up now go to sleep
J: okiedokie see u later
S: later ❤️
She curses herself for sending the heart, but it’s too late now. After their reconciliation a few weeks ago, they’ve come to an unspoken agreement that they won’t talk about what happened in Florida. But they also won’t let it interfere with their friendship either. So far the arrangement has been working.
Sort of.
Sam places her phone back on the nightstand and shuts her eyes. Maybe this time her dreams won’t taunt her with the aftermath of that kiss. Maybe this time the memories won’t tease her with a different ending, one where she didn’t push him away. Maybe this time she won’t wake up with the ghost of him on her skin, desperately wishing that the alternate ending was real.
Somehow, though, she knows she won’t get that lucky.
Jonas is a wreck when she arrives at the SGC a few hours later. Even multiple cups of coffee can’t keep him from succumbing to his exhaustion. He’s dozed off three times before lunch when Sam finally decides to put her foot down.
”Jonas, take a nap,” she commands, pointing to the small futon crammed into a corner of his office.
”I’m fine,” Jonas protests, rubbing his eyes.
Sam makes a face at him. “You look like you’re five seconds away from passing out again,” she counters. “Go lie down.”
”But I haven’t finished explaining - “
”I can read your notes. Go.”
Jonas frowns, looking like he wants to argue further, but after a moment he gives in. “Okay, fine,” he grumbles. “But don’t let me sleep for too long.”
”That’s what your watch is for,” Sam scolds, pretending to glare at him.
He has the decency to look sheepish. “For the record, I love the watch,” he says. “I just forget to set the alarm sometimes.”
”Well stop forgetting,” she says back, steering him towards the futon. “If you don’t get enough rest Janet’ll take you off active duty.”
Jonas grimaces but doesn’t disagree. He settles on the futon while Sam grabs a nearby throw blanket and tosses it over his body.
He smirks. “So you’re tucking me in now?”
She rolls her eyes. “Go to sleep.”
”Can I get a bedtime story first?”
Sam gives his leg a playful shove and turns around, making her way back to his desk.
”Is that a no?” he calls.
”Goodnight, Jonas.”
She hears him chuckle to himself before he falls silent.
Sam spends the next hour perusing Jonas’ journal, reading through his most recent notes on the device. The item in question is sitting atop his desk. It’s a transparent cylinder housing a large white crystal inside it, surrounded by three metal rings that can be rotated into different configurations. Jonas has tried a number of configurations at this point, none of which have worked. In his journal, he’s crossed off every failed configuration so far and added more notes in the margins theorizing about what function each might serve. The most important of these notes, however, is his latest. It reads, Device inoperative w/o power. Crystal = power source? Maybe needs recharging or replacing.
Sam mulls over the information. It’s exactly what Jonas suggested earlier, that the crystal is a battery of sorts. If that’s true, then perhaps it can be recharged somehow. If not, then they’ll have to return to Asterion Prime and search for another one.
Just then, she hears Jonas stir in his sleep. She glances at where he’s lying on the futon and frowns when she sees the expression on his face. It looks…pained? Concerned, she rises to her feet and crosses the room. Jonas makes a noise and squirms beneath the blanket.
”Jonas?” Sam says quietly, laying a hand on his arm.
He kicks his legs, muttering something under his breath.
”Jonas,” Sam repeats. She gives his arm a tiny shake. “Jonas, wake up, you’re having a nightmare.”
Jonas rolls over onto his side. “Sam,” he groans. “Sam, no.”
She shakes his arm harder. “Jonas - “
”No!” he shouts suddenly, causing her to flinch. “No, no, no! I’m sorry, I’m so sorry - “
”Jonas!”
He awakes with a gasp, his hands clawing wildly at the blanket. “Sam?!” he yelps. “Sam, I’m sorry, I’m sorry - “
Sam leans over and grabs both of his shoulders. “Hey, hey, calm down,” she says. “I’m right here.”
Jonas blinks, trying to re-orient himself. “Sam?”
”Yeah, silly, it’s me.”
He peers up at her, still looking dazed.
”You were dreaming,” Sam explains.
To her surprise, Jonas shakes his head. “No,” he croaks. “No, I wasn’t.”
Sam frowns again and crouches down so she can be at eye level with him. “What are you talking about?”
He gulps. “I-I think I had another vision.”
A thread of anxiety knots itself in her gut. “What kind of vision?”
Jonas’ eyes well with tears. “Sam, I can’t.”
”Just tell me.”
He takes a deep breath. “You got hurt again,” he mumbles. “Except, this time…”
”This time what?”
Jonas squeezes his eyes shut. “This time I think you died.”
Despite his protests, Sam insists that Jonas visit Janet for a check-up. His scans come back normal (well, normal for him, at least), but Janet decides to keep him under observation in case his headaches make a reappearance.
”He gonna be okay, doc?” Cam asks. The team is huddled in the doorway of the infirmary, out of Jonas’ earshot.
Janet nods. “He should be.” She sighs. “But it’s worth noting that even though he’s no longer experiencing extreme side effects, these visions still cause him a fair amount of shock. Especially if they’re particularly unpleasant.”
Sam feels everyone’s gaze shift towards her. She bites her lip and looks down. “Do you think he should talk to somebody about this?”
”We’ve got Dr. Lam on staff for psych evals,” Cam says. “Maybe he could talk to her.”
”I can mention it to her,” Janet offers. “It might do him some good.”
”But what if Jonas Quinn does not wish to discuss the issue?” Teal’c asks.
“Well, obviously we’ll have to ask for his consent first,” Janet replies. “But if his condition is proving to be a mental health risk, I may have to recommend mandatory counseling sessions.”
Sam glances at Jonas’ bed. He’s sitting up and reading a book, but she can tell by the look on his face that he’s still rattled by whatever he saw in his vision. “I’ll talk to him,” she says quietly. “If anyone has a chance of getting through to him it’s me.”
”Did he tell you any details about what he saw?”
Sam looks back at Cam and shakes her head. “No. He was too shaken up.”
”I believe it would be wise,” Teal’c chimes in, “not to press him until he is ready to disclose that information.”
Janet nods again. “I agree. He’s already under a lot of stress and I think it’s best for now if we go easy on him.”
”Well, if he does say anything,” Cam says, still eyeing Sam, “let me know?”
Sam offers him a half-hearted smile. “I will.”
He pats her on the shoulder before turning to leave, Teal’c in tow. “Keep me updated, Doc.”
”Will do,” Janet says.
When the two of them are left standing in the doorway, Janet glances back at Sam. “Are you okay?”
Sam avoids her gaze. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
”You don’t sound like it.”
Sam sighs. “It’s just…I don’t know.” She shakes her head. “This is the third time he’s had a vision of something happening to me.”
“Well,” Janet says, “walking into the path of danger is an occupational hazard. You’ve had plenty of near-misses that he hasn’t predicted at all.”
”True,” Sam agrees, wringing her hands in front of her. “But this time he seems convinced that I’m going to…you know.”
Janet lays a hand on Sam’s arm. “We both know that these visions are never set in stone. Even if they play out exactly as he sees them, there’s always a lot of context that’s missing.”
Sam nods, wishing she could calm the storm brewing inside her. “I know,” she murmurs, finally meeting Janet’s eyes. “But honestly I’m more worried about what’ll happen to him than I am about what’ll happen to me.”
Janet frowns. “He’s going to be fine, Sam.”
Sam shakes her head again. “What if he isn’t? What if something does happen to me and he never stops blaming himself for not being able to stop it?”
Janet sighs and lets her hand drop to her side. “I’m going to speak to Dr. Lam right after I finish up here. I think you’re right about him needing to talk to a professional.”
Sam nods. “Okay,” she mumbles. “Thank you.”
Janet offers her a tiny smile. “I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure he’s taken care of,” she says. “Trust me.”
Sam reaches out and grabs Janet’s hand, giving it a grateful squeeze. “I know, Janet.” She takes a deep breath. “I do."
Jonas is still reading when Sam approaches his bed. She’s not surprised to see it’s The Hobbit again. It’s been one of his favorite books since moving to Earth, and he re-reads it and the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy at least once a year.
”What part are you at?” she asks, sitting on the bed beside him.
Jonas glances over at her. “The dwarves just showed up.”
”Ah,” Sam replies, nodding. “You know, in another life I think you could’ve been a hobbit.”
He narrows his eyes. “I’m not short.”
She laughs a little. “I know, but you like to eat a lot.”
His lips curl into the barest hint of a smile. “I guess that’s true.”
”You guess?”
”Okay, fine.” Jonas rolls his eyes. “It is true. But I don’t eat quite as much as hobbits do.”
”Yeah, you do.”
He makes a face. ”I do not.”
It’s Sam’s turn to roll her eyes. ”You literally ate two pizzas for lunch one time.”
”They were personal pizzas,” he argues, “and I forgot to eat breakfast that day, thank you very much.”
Sam laughs again. For a moment it looks as if he’s about to laugh along with her, but then his expression falters.
”Jonas?”
He sighs and puts the book down. “I’m sorry,” he mutters.
She frowns. “For what?”
Jonas looks down at his lap. “For causing you guys so much trouble.”
Sam slips her hand into his. “You’re not causing us any trouble, Jonas.”
He glances back up. “Aren’t I?” he asks. “I mean, every time these visions happen, it’s always something terrible, and then you guys have to fuss over me to make sure my brain isn’t going to burst.”
Sam squeezes his palm. “We’re just trying to look out for you.”
Jonas grimaces. “Yeah, well, what good is that gonna do if I can’t return the favor?”
She sighs and edges closer to him. “Jonas, it’s not your job to fix everything. We don’t even know when or where this vision is supposed to happen.”
”We were underground,” he says quietly. “In some kind of cave or chamber. I don’t know exactly where. But you got shot with something and then you just…” He trails off, his breathing growing shallow.
Sam squeezes his hand again. “I just what?”
”You just collapsed,” Jonas murmurs. “You went completely limp and I caught you but…”
She ignores the pang of anxiety in her gut. “Did you actually see me die?”
He meets her eyes, his own glistening with tears. “I guess not,” he mumbles. “Everything got kind of fuzzy after that.”
”Okay,” Sam says, taking a deep breath. “Then that means there’s a chance I survive…whatever this is.”
Jonas looks away. “Maybe.”
Sam runs her thumb across the back of his knuckles. “Look, Jonas,” she starts, “I really think you should talk to someone about these premonitions.”
He lets out a rueful laugh. “You mean like a therapist? Even if I could tell the truth, I highly doubt there’s anybody out there who’d even believe me.”
”We have Dr. Lam,” Sam says. “She’s qualified and she has security clearance. You wouldn’t have to lie to her.”
Jonas sighs. “I dunno, Sam.”
She lets go of his hand to tilt his chin up. “You shouldn’t have to deal with this on your own,” she murmurs, looking him in the eye. “Talking to her might help.”
”Help how?”
Sam lets her hand fall away. “Maybe help alleviate some of the anxiety. Or help you feel less responsible for shit you may or may not be able to control.”
He holds her gaze, silently contemplating her words. After a moment, he draws in a breath. “Okay,” he mutters. “If you really think it’s worth it.”
She clasps his hand again. ”I do.”
Jonas squeezes her fingers. “I don’t want to lose you,” he whispers, his voice breaking. “We’ve had too many close calls before.”
Sam offers him a tiny smile. “I’ll be okay,” she tries to reassure him. “I just want to make sure that you’ll be okay too.”
Notes:
This fic was originally going to be titled "meet me in the afterglow," but after some consideration I decided to name it after "Time After Time" by Cyndi Lauper instead (although I'm partial to the cover by Evan Williams/Bright World). I thought it fit the time travel theme better, plus some of the lyrics felt more relevant to Sam and Jonas' relationship in the story.
The chapter title, however, is taken from Taylor Swift's "Prophecy," since that fit well with Jonas' recurring visions.
The texting scene at the beginning was one of my favorite scenes to write. As we saw in "we found wonderland," I think Jonas would be an absolute menace with a cell phone, so it was a lot of fun to explore the idea further here.
Chapter 2: the hardest thing and the right thing
Notes:
Hello again! I don't have much of a preamble for this chapter other than to apologize for once again putting Jonas through more totally undeserved emotional turmoil. I love him dearly, but my favorites always get the most torture 😆 Anyway, just another reminder that since we're in the wonderful world of AU, Dr. Lam is playing the part of psychologist here as opposed to CMO, in case anyone forgot that from the first chapter. Other than that, I'll leave you to read. As always, thanks for being here, and I hope you enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
”You okay, bud?”
It’s Thursday afternoon, two days after his vision, and Jonas is fidgeting. He’s always fidgety to begin with, but this is more nervous energy than a restless attempt to focus. “I’m fine,” he lies, knowing full-well that Colonel Mitchell won’t believe him.
Sam is on a video call with Daniel about their latest theory on the device, and Teal’c is in the training room. Jonas is sitting in his office, studying his notes and waiting for his session with Dr. Lam. Mitchell was kind enough to keep him company after lunch, but he still can’t seem to calm down.
”Look,” the colonel says, “you know Carolyn. She’s not going to bite.”
Jonas sighs. “I know, I know,” he mutters, twirling his pen between his fingers. “I’ve just never done this before.”
”What? Counseling?”
”Yeah.”
Mitchell leans back in his chair. “Just tell her what’s been happening. How you feel about it. She’ll most likely give you some strategies to deal with it.”
Jonas glances at him. “Do they work? The strategies, I mean.”
Mitchell shrugs. “They can. It depends.”
Jonas nods and looks away again.
He hears the colonel shift in his seat. “Jonas, you’ll be fine. Sam’s right. It’ll help to talk to somebody.”
Jonas swallows and eyes his notes. There are clusters of doodles scribbled in the margins, byproducts of his mounting anxiety. “I just wish I could control them,” he mumbles. “The visions, I mean. If I could turn this ability on and off like a switch, then maybe it wouldn’t be as much of a problem.”
Mitchell cocks his head. “Maybe,” he says. “But would you be able to decide what you would or wouldn’t see?”
Jonas bites back a groan. “I guess not,” he sighs.
Mitchell leans forward, resting his elbows on the desk. “Look, I can’t even begin to imagine what this is like for you. But I want you to know that I’ve got your back. No matter what happens.”
Jonas looks up and smiles, if only barely. “Thanks, colonel,” he says softly. “I appreciate it.”
”Cameron,” the colonel amends. “We’re friends now, remember?”
Jonas’ smile widens a fraction. “Right. I keep forgetting.”
”About my name or about the fact that we’re friends?” Cam laughs.
Jonas chuckles. “Well, you are still kind of the new guy.”
Cam snorts. “I’m not really new anymore.”
”Eh, still newer than me. I may be an alien, but I have been here longer than you.”
Cam laughs again. “True,” he says. He pauses a moment, his expression softening. “Look, Jonas, I’ve always appreciated that you were so welcoming to me when I first took command of the team. I just want to return the favor however I can. Even if I’m totally clueless about this psychic stuff.”
Jonas smiles once more. “Thanks, Cam,” he murmurs. “That means a lot.”
Dr. Lam’s office is much neater than his, with carefully-arranged bookshelves, matching armchairs, and a photo of a rainbow hanging on the wall. Jonas is grateful that it feels cozy rather than clinical, but even then the atmosphere isn’t enough to soothe his nerves.
”Relax,” Dr. Lam says, lowering herself into the chair opposite him. “This is your time. You’re free to use it however you want to.”
Jonas picks at a stray thread on his seat cushion. “Okay,” he says. “I’m not really sure where to start.”
Dr. Lam cocks her head. “Do you want something to fiddle with first?”
Jonas frowns. ”What?”
She nods at his fingers, which are now drumming nervously against the armrest. “Something to keep your hands busy while we talk.”
He blushes but agrees. “Yeah. Yeah I think that might be good.”
Dr. Lam smiles and leans towards one of the bookshelves. She pulls out a cubby and grabs an item from inside. “How about a slinky?”
Jonas nods. “That works.”
She reaches forward and hands it to him before sitting back in her seat. “So, what do you want to talk about?”
Jonas holds back a grimace. He doesn’t really want to talk about anything, even though he knows he should. “I dunno,” he mutters. “I guess I’ve just been really stressed out lately.”
Dr. Lam hums in assent. “Right. Because of the visions.”
He winces as his latest premonition flashes through his mind. “Yeah,” he says quietly. “The thing is, I know I can’t stop them or predict when they’ll happen, so I’m kind of just…always on edge.”
The doctor scribbles something in her notebook before speaking. “Do you think you’re on edge because you’re anticipating the visions or because you’re anticipating that they’ll be bad?”
He hadn’t ever considered that before. “I’m not sure,” he admits. “Maybe the latter? I mean, most of my visions are about bad things happening, so I guess I always assume that all of them will be that way.”
Dr. Lam nods again. “That’s understandable. It’s kind of like a trauma response, in a way. All it takes is one bad thing to convince your brain that there’s some kind of pattern.”
Jonas frowns. “But what if there is a pattern?” he asks. “What if I’m not just imagining some kind of correlation?”
The doctor glances at her notebook, her brow creased in thought. “Your circumstances are pretty unprecedented,” she agrees. “We’ve only scratched the surface when it comes to understanding your abilities. I suppose it’s possible that these visions aren’t just random.”
He sighs. “So how am I supposed to deal with them, then?”
Dr. Lam taps her pen on her knee. “Well,” she muses, “maybe we can pinpoint what the connecting thread is. It might not be the root cause of the premonitions, but it could be a major factor in determining why you keep having them.”
Jonas stretches the slinky between his hands. “Okay,” he says. “How do we do that?”
The doctor shifts in her seat. “Well, to start off with, all of your visions have been centered around your team or your missions in some way.”
He mentally flips through his log of memories. “I guess that’s true,” he agrees.
Dr. Lam continues on. “And when it comes to your team, most of these visions seem to be about one person in particular.”
Jonas freezes, feeling heat crawl up the back of his neck. “You mean Colonel Carter.”
Dr. Lam meets his eyes. “Maybe that’s the connecting thread?”
Jonas swallows. “How so?”
The doctor smiles. “The two of you are very close,” she says gently. “And you clearly care about each other a lot.”
He looks down, choosing to focus instead on the slinky. “Why would that impact my visions?” he mumbles.
He hears the chair squeak as Dr. Lam adjusts her position again. “Well, I think it’s pretty obvious,” she replies. “The more you care about someone, the more you worry about them.”
Jonas has to admit that she does have a point. “So you think that the more I care about someone,” he says, “the more likely it is that the visions will be about them.”
He glances up in time to see the doctor nod. “It’s as good a theory as any right now.”
Jonas’ eyes roam around the room and land on the photo of the rainbow. It reminds him of that day in Florida when he and Sam got caught in the thunderstorm. He can still see her standing before him, drenched and breathless, her eyes sparkling as they laughed about running through the rain. An empty space inside him starts to ache, and he tears his gaze away.
”Jonas?” Dr. Lam cuts in. “What are you thinking right now?”
He returns his attention to the slinky. “Nothing,” he lies. “It makes sense. Your theory, I mean.”
He feels Dr. Lam scrutinizing him in the ensuing silence. “Jonas,” she says at last, “you know whatever you say in here is confidential. As long as it’s not a security threat, it won’t leave this room.”
Jonas finally looks up. He notices that she’s closed her notebook and set it on the shelf beside her.
”Sam’s my friend,” he says quietly. “Of course I worry about her.”
The doctor leans forward. “Is that all it is?”
His eyes dart towards the notebook.
”Off the record,” she says. “I promise.”
Jonas takes a deep breath. “No,” he admits. “No, it’s not.”
Dr. Lam folds her hands in front of her. “Do you want to talk about it?”
To his surprise, he realizes that he actually does. Maybe denying his feelings has taken more of a toll on him than he expected. “You know we’ve been friends since I first moved here,” he starts, squeezing the slinky in his fist. “She was nice to me when she didn’t have to be.”
”That must’ve meant a lot to you,” the doctor says.
Jonas nods. “Yeah,” he affirms, “it did. After that we just hit it off and I guess the rest is history.”
Dr. Lam leans back in her chair again. “Is there a moment you remember when it started to feel different?”
He uncurls his fist and begins tossing the slinky back and forth between his hands. “I dunno,” he murmurs. “I don’t think there was one specific moment. Just that I started spending more and more time with her outside of work. And that, well…” He blushes and rubs his temple before continuing. “I was sort of annoyed when she was going out with that Shanahan guy. You know, that civilian who was around here a couple of years ago? I didn’t think much of it at the time. I just thought it was because I didn’t like him.”
The doctor makes a face. “From my understanding you weren’t the only one.”
”Well, yeah,” Jonas agrees, holding back a grimace. “Thankfully it didn’t last.”
Dr. Lam nods. “So they kind of snuck up on you. The feelings, I mean.”
”Yeah,” he says, his voice softening. “I guess they did.”
The doctor takes a breath. “Have you mentioned this at all to Colonel Carter?”
Jonas rubs the back of his neck. “That’s kind of a complicated question.”
”How so?”
His hand drops to his lap. “We’ve um, never really talked about anything,” he says. “But something sort of…happened.”
Dr. Lam frowns. “What kind of something?”
Jonas looks down at his hands. “You know that mission we had? The one where we went to Florida?”
He senses understanding dawning on her. “The one where you were undercover,” she states. “As a couple.”
He nods, suddenly unable to speak.
Dr. Lam exhales. “I’m guessing that might’ve stirred some things up.”
”It did more than that,” he mutters. “We got too comfortable with each other and it pretty much blew up in both of our faces.”
The doctor purses her lips, processing the information. “So it’s mutual?” she asks. “Whatever you’re feeling?”
Jonas shrugs. “Maybe.” He sighs. “We’ve kind of come to an unspoken agreement not to bring it up again. Y’know, so it doesn’t make things awkward? But…”
”But?”
He shakes his head. “I dunno. I thought I was okay with it, but maybe I’m not.”
Dr. Lam takes another breath, letting his words sink in. “So,” she says, “am I correct in assuming you haven’t expressed this to her?”
Jonas glances up at her. “No,” he mutters. “Things are finally back to normal now and I just don’t want to - how do you guys say it? Rock the boat.”
The doctor nods. “That’s understandable.” She pauses. “But, at the same time, you might inadvertently be making things worse.”
He frowns. “What do you mean?”
Dr. Lam sighs. “You’re already under a lot of stress, having to deal with these visions. Especially since there seems to be a connection between them and the people you care about. The additional stress of keeping these particular feelings bottled up might be exacerbating things somehow.”
Jonas’ lips twist. “You really think that’s possible?”
She shrugs. “It could be.”
He runs a hand over his face. “So what am I supposed to do?”
The doctor leans forward again. “Maybe you need to be honest with her.”
Jonas shakes his head again. “I can’t, Doc,” he says, his voice taking on an edge of desperation. “The Florida thing almost wrecked our friendship and I just can’t risk it.”
”How do you know she doesn’t feel the same way?”
Jonas eyes her quizzically.
Dr. Lam presses on. “Look, Jonas,” she starts, “I know there’s no guarantee of anything, but maybe she hasn’t said anything because she’s afraid of the same thing you are.”
He inhales. “What if you’re wrong?” he groans. “What if I decide to be honest and it ruins everything?”
”Knowing what I know about Colonel Carter,” the doctor says quietly, “I doubt that’s going to happen.”
Jonas sits in silence for a few moments, wrestling with his thoughts. Deep down, he knows Dr. Lam is onto something. But is it worth potentially shattering the fragile peace between him and Sam, especially when there’s a chance it can’t be rebuilt again?
”I dunno,” he says at last. “I guess I need time to think about it.”
The doctor nods in understanding. “That’s fine,” she murmurs. “You’ve got a lot on your plate right now and it’s perfectly fine to give yourself some grace.”
Jonas swallows. “Yeah,” he mumbles. “Yeah, I know.”
A beeping sound interrupts their conversation. “Ah, that’s our time,” Dr. Lam says, glancing at her watch. She looks back at him. “You did really well today, Jonas.”
He shrugs, feeling a sudden wave of exhaustion.
”I mean it,” the doctor continues. “I know these past few weeks have been tough on you, but I’m glad you decided to come in.”
He nods, his mouth going dry. “Thanks,” he says softly.
She rises to her feet, grabbing her notebook off the bookshelf as she does so. “Look, I’m always around if you want to make this a regular thing. But it’s up to you, of course.”
Jonas stands and meets her eyes. “I might just take you up on that,” he murmurs. “Thanks, Doc.”
”Anytime,” she says, offering him a smile. “Oh, and by the way, you can keep that.” She gestures to the slinky.
Jonas glances down. “Thanks,” he says again, thumbing the toy in his palm. “I think I’m gonna need it."
Notes:
The title of this chapter is taken from the lyrics of "All At Once" by The Fray.
The opening scene was originally going to be another Sam/Jonas conversation, but I decided to touch on the Cam/Jonas dynamic instead since they never got to meet in canon. I feel like Jonas would've tried his best to welcome Cam as the new team leader, having already known what it was like to be the new guy, and that Cam would've eventually taken him under his wing like a little brother. Anyway, I really enjoyed writing the interaction between them, and I hope I can write more in the future 😊
I am 100% on Team Jonas Needs Fidget Toys, hence the inclusion of the slinky. Since he comes across as one of the more overtly neurodivergent characters on the show, I've been sneaking in hints to that, pulled from bits of my own personal experience. In addition to the fidgeting, the doodling, varied fixations/interests, and time blindness/forgetting to set timers are all things I've either done or dealt with that I've tried to incorporate into his characterization.
And finally, yes, I couldn't help but also sneak in the Pete reference lol. I'm kind of (okay, very) annoyed that Jonas left permanently right before Pete was introduced, since a) I never liked Pete even as a kid, and b) I think it was a huge missed opportunity not to explore how Jonas would've reacted to Sam dating him. As observant as he was, I personally feel like he would've detected red flags immediately, but we'll never know because he was prematurely taken from us :( For this AU I'm imagining that the relationship didn't last as long and ended long before it got to the engagement phase, but I wanted to explore the idea anyway since I thought it would be interesting to tackle it from the perspective of Jonas and Sam both working through relationship trauma (that was brought up in the previous fic). There will be more on it later.
Chapter 3: i can hear the ghosts calling
Notes:
Hello again! I've been very excited to post this next chapter since it's my favorite of what I've written so far. We're getting to the emotional "meat" of the story now, so there's going to be a lot of emphasis on character work for at least the next couple of chapters (but don't worry, I haven't forgotten that there is technically a plot 😂). Get ready for an abundance of angst and fluff in equal measure 😊 Anyway, before I leave you to read, I do want to let you all know that for the chapters that will contain content/trigger warnings, I'm going to list out beforehand what will appear in each so everyone is aware. Other than that, I don't have anything else to add right now, so again, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy!
CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER
-strong language
-implied past relationship abuse
-slight reference to a trauma reaction/panic attack
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Sam has a strict rule about keeping work and weekends separate. This wasn’t always the case, but ever since Jonas’ workaholic tendencies started to make her look normal by comparison, she realized that setting the boundary was probably a necessity. Without it, she figures he’d work himself to death, maybe literally. If not that, at the very least he’d worry himself to death.
The latter, of course, is the last thing he needs right now. So when Friday evening rolls around, she suggests they go out and let off some steam.
“Go out where?” Jonas asks as they head towards the locker rooms. He’s tossing a small slinky back and forth between his hands while he walks.
“Anywhere,” Sam says. “Just to relax. Or do something fun.”
He makes a face. “I dunno, Sam. It’s been a long week.”
”Which is exactly my point,” she argues. “You need some distraction.”
Jonas sighs. “I guess,” he mutters. “But to be honest, I’m kind of tired.”
Sam holds back a sigh of her own. That’s his go-to excuse whenever he wants to self-isolate, which she’s sure isn’t the best idea for him right now. “We don’t have to do anything too crazy,” she says. “Dinner, maybe a movie?”
He shrugs. “I dunno.”
She frowns, wracking her brain for something he might agree to. “How about we just go to the park?” she suggests. “You know, the one that does Food Truck Fridays?”
Jonas’ expression doesn’t change, but she can see his eyes light up regardless. “Okay,” he mumbles. “I guess that’s fine.”
”Great,” she says, flashing him a smile. “I’ll meet you at the elevator when you’re done changing.”
He nods, heading into the men’s locker room without another word.
Sam is grateful that Jonas’ favorite falafel truck is at the park this week. Although he’s still quieter than usual, his mood seems to lighten once they’ve bought dinner. Sam finds them a spot at a nearby picnic table to eat, a little ways away from the playground.
“So, watched anything interesting lately?”
Jonas shrugs, focusing on his food. “Not really. Kind of in between shows right now.”
Sam offers him a smile. “I found a new documentary on sea otters the other day. I think you’d like it.”
She’s relieved when he smiles back. “Well, they are my favorite animals.”
Her smile widens. “We could go back to my place and watch it after this.”
Jonas nods. “Okay.”
They continue eating in silence. Jonas turns to look at the playground, watching a group of children chase each other on the jungle gym. Sam frowns when she notices his face fall.
”They have no idea,” he mumbles.
She sets her food down. “What do you mean?”
He turns back to her, his expression almost pained. “About what’s out there.”
Sam glances over at the playground. The kids are now running across the gravel, squealing and laughing as they make their way to the swings.
”Maybe it’s better that way,” she says quietly. “People are scared of what they can’t control.”
Jonas sighs. ”Yeah, I guess,” he mutters. “But what if they can control things, and they just don’t know how to?”
She looks back at him. Her heart clenches when she sees the weariness in his eyes. “Jonas,” she murmurs, “just because you can see the future doesn’t mean it’s your responsibility to change it.”
He frowns. ”Isn’t it?” he argues. “I mean, why else would I be having these visions?”
It’s Sam’s turn to sigh this time. “Look, I don’t know. Maybe they’re just random.”
His face twists into a strange grimace and he glances away again. “Dr. Lam doesn’t seem to think so.”
Sam cocks her head at him. “Why? What did she say?”
Jonas avoids her gaze. “I don’t know if I want to talk about it.”
She bites her lip, trying not to show her frustration. “Okay,” she concedes. “But is she…helping you at all?”
He finally looks at her then. “I guess.”
”That’s a pretty vague answer.”
”Well, I’ve only seen her once.”
Sam detects an edge to his voice, so she decides to let the matter drop. “Look, talking in circles about this isn’t going to do anything,” she says. “Let’s just head back to my place, watch a movie, and act like we live normal lives for awhile?”
Jonas looks as if he wants to protest, but he agrees anyway. “All right,” he sighs. “I guess it can’t hurt.”
He cheers up a little during the movie. Sea otters always have that effect on him. By the time the credits start to roll, there’s a smile on his face and popcorn in his lap, and Sam can’t help but feel somewhat at ease. She knows the reprieve won’t last long, but at least some of the tension is gone for now.
”What’d you think?” she asks.
Jonas shifts beneath the blanket draped over their legs. “It was great,” he answers, his eyes sparkling for the first time in awhile.
”I knew you’d like it,” Sam says, smiling back at him. “You know, one of these days we should take a trip to the Georgia Aquarium and do the sea otter encounter. You’d get to meet one.”
His face lights up. “Really?”
She laughs. “Yeah,” she replies. “You can’t pet it but they let you go behind the scenes and see how the caretakers work with them.”
Jonas is brimming with glee now. ”That’s awesome!” he exclaims. “Put it on the calendar.”
Sam laughs again, grateful that he’s seemingly forgotten to bemoan her impending death. “Okay,” she says. “Will do.”
Jonas reaches over and brushes some popcorn kernels off her shoulder. “We kind of made a mess.”
She nods at the kernels scattered across his lap. “Yeah,” she agrees. “We’d better clean up before Schrödinger tries to grab a snack.”
As if on cue, Schrödinger appears, trotting into the living room and jumping onto Jonas’ lap.
”Schrödie, no,” Sam scolds. “No popcorn for you.”
”Mrrooow,” Schrödinger protests as Jonas scoops him up and hands him to her.
”Thanks,” she says, feigning a scowl at the disgruntled cat. “Naughty kitty.”
”Woaw,” Schrödinger yowls.
”No, no,” Sam continues, standing up and carrying him to the cat tree next to the TV. “You know you can’t have people treats.”
Schrödinger cries again but crawls into his hidey hole anyway. Sam digs through her dress pocket and pulls out a few catnip nuggets. “Here,” she says sweetly, offering them to him. “But that’s all for tonight.”
She returns to help Jonas tidy the couch while Schrödinger munches on his treats. “You know, he reminds me of you,” she quips. “Same appetite.”
Jonas makes a face. “I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment or an insult.”
Sam chuckles. “A compliment, definitely. Of the highest order.”
He narrows his eyes at her. “Right.”
”You know I hold my cat in very high regard.”
Jonas cracks a smile and shakes his head. “Fine, it’s a compliment then.”
She grins and retreats into the hallway to grab a broom from the closet. When they’re finally finished cleaning, Jonas checks his watch. “I should probably head out.”
”Okay,” Sam says. “I can drop you at home.”
”Nah, that’s okay. It’s getting late. I can just Uber.”
Sam eyes him for a moment. Her stomach suddenly lurches at the idea of him spending the night alone. What if he has another vision? Or what if he stays up until an ungodly hour wrestling with his demons? Of course he could just call or text if there’s a problem, but she knows he won’t want to bother her. Not with this.
”You could stay,” she blurts out.
Jonas blinks in surprise. “What, you mean like…sleep over?”
Sam nods before she has a chance to backtrack. “You can use the guest bedroom. And I’ve got a spare toothbrush.”
He frowns, considering the offer. “I don’t wanna impose.”
”You’re not,” she insists. “I just…” She trails off, unsure of whether or not to be honest with him.
Jonas tilts his head. ”You just what?”
Sam sighs, deciding that she might as well tell him the truth. “I just don’t want you to be alone,” she admits. “Not with everything that’s going on right now.”
His face softens. “Sam, I’ll be okay.”
She takes a breath. “Will you?”
Jonas meets her eyes, no doubt reading the concern in her expression. “All right,” he concedes. “If you’re really that worried, I can stay. Just as long as I’m not causing you any trouble.”
Her body relaxes. “You’re not,” she says. “Really.”
”You’re sure?”
”Jonas.”
”Okay, okay.” He lifts his hands in defeat. “Lead the way.”
Sam shows him the guest bedroom and then fetches him an oversized T-shirt that she usually uses for housework. “You can wear this,” she explains. “It should fit.”
”Okay,” he says, taking it from her hands. “Thanks.”
”The extra toiletries and stuff should be in the cabinet in the hall bathroom.”
Jonas nods. “Okay,” he repeats.
She waves at the shirt. “I’ll, uh, leave you to - “
”Right.”
Sam heads to her own room to change and emerges a few minutes later to find Jonas standing awkwardly in the living room. He shoves his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “Um, so…”
She wraps her arms around herself, feeling suddenly shy. “If you need anything from the kitchen, feel free to poke around.”
”Okay.”
They stare at each other for a moment, saying nothing.
Thankfully, Schrödinger interrupts by leaping out of his cat tree and padding over to where Jonas is standing. He lets out an affectionate purr and begins weaving in between Jonas’ legs.
Jonas crouches down and scratches his head. “Hey, buddy,” he coos.
Warmth blossoms in Sam’s chest. “He’s happy you’re staying over.”
”You think so?”
She steps forward, smiling. ”Oh yeah. He loves you.”
”Eh,” Jonas says, patting Schrödinger’s belly when he flops onto his side. “Not as much as you.”
Sam crouches down next to them. “I wouldn’t be so sure,” she laughs. “You’ve seen the way he tries to block the front door when it’s time for you to leave.”
Jonas chuckles. “True,” he agrees. “But you’re still his mom.” He makes a silly face at Schrödinger. “Isn’t that right, Schrödie? Do you love your mama?”
”Mrrap!” Schrödinger chirps.
They both laugh then.
When their laughter subsides, Jonas looks her in the eye. “Thank you,” he says softly. “For looking out for me.”
For some reason, Sam’s cheeks flush. “It’s nothing,” she murmurs. “I’m just concerned about you.”
”I know,” Jonas sighs. “I’m sorry this is stressing you out.”
She shakes her head. “Don’t be. None of this is your fault.”
Jonas looks like he wants to argue, but he keeps his mouth shut and rises to his feet instead. Sam follows suit.
”Well, um, goodnight,” she mumbles.
”Yeah,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “Goodnight.”
After a beat, he turns and walks back to the guest room. Sam watches him go, feeling a strange ache gnaw at her chest. It’s only when she hears the door close that she realizes it’s longing - the same kind she felt when they returned from Florida, right before they started talking again.
Schrödinger headbutts her ankles, freeing her from her reverie. She reaches down and picks him up. “What am I gonna do, Schrödie?” she sighs, scratching him beneath his chin. “I thought we had this figured out.”
Schrödinger looks up at her, the expression on his face far more human than catlike. Silly Sam, it seems to say. You should tell him how you feel.
”I don’t know what I feel,” she mutters, more to herself than to him.
Schrödinger blinks at her. Yes, you do, his eyes convey. You’re just too scared to say it.
Sam lets out another sigh. Maybe you’re right, she thinks as she heads towards her room. Maybe I am.
She wakes up in the hotel bed.
Well, she’s not really awake. Part of her mind is aware that this is a dream and that she’s not actually back on assignment in Florida. But the vividness of her surroundings startles her nonetheless. It feels real. Almost.
Sam slips out from underneath the covers and tiptoes out of the bedroom. The lights in the living area are switched on, but it’s empty, as is the kitchenette beside it. The sliding door to the patio, however, is pushed open, allowing the evening breeze to float in from the darkened pool deck.
”Jonas?” she calls.
No answer. An inexplicable sense of dread seeps into her bones. She takes a deep breath and walks to the patio door. “Jonas?” she calls again.
Still no answer. Sam crosses the threshold and heads towards the pool. It too is empty, its surface eerily still in the glow of the underwater lights.
” ‘Bout time you showed up.”
The voice sends a chill rippling down her spine, and Sam freezes. She knows that voice. And it’s one she never expected to hear again.
Slowly, she turns towards it. When her eyes meet the sight before her, her hands start to shake.
”Miss me?”
Sam inhales, trying to keep her breathing even. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Jonas - not her Jonas, but the other one, the dead one - sits up in one of the pool chairs. “Come on,” he drawls. “Is that any way to greet your fiancé?”
”Ex,” she spits, unable to hide the bitterness in her voice.
Jonas Hanson, somehow looking very much alive, shrugs and grabs a beer can off a nearby table. “Semantics,” he counters.
Sam bites back the instinct to fight with him. He’d always pull shit like this, purposely trying to provoke her into an argument. She isn’t going to fall for it this time. “I’ll ask you again,” she snaps,“what the hell are you doing here?”
Hanson takes a swig of his beer and shrugs again. “Fuck if I know,” he mutters. “It’s your dream.”
A wave of panic overtakes her. Please wake up, please wake up, she begs. But for whatever reason, her mind refuses to listen.
”How’s my doppelganger?”
She glares at him. “He’s not your anything.”
Hanson huffs in amusement. “Fine,” he concedes. “How’s the boy toy, then?”
Sam grits her teeth, battling the urge to punch him in the face. “Still more of a man than you ever were,” she hisses. “Thanks for asking.”
She relishes the swell of satisfaction at the jealousy that flickers in his eyes. “That’s interesting,” he grunts, staring coldly at her.
”What is?”
Hanson leans back in the chair again. “That you put him on such a pedestal,” he says. “Yet you still insist on keeping him at arm’s length.”
Sam swallows. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”
“It’s funny, you know,” he continues as if she hasn’t spoken. “I think you’ve done that before. The pedestal thing, I mean.” He pauses, allowing a smirk to worm its way across his face. “Is General O’Neill enjoying Washington?”
That does it. “Get out,” she growls, jabbing her finger at the patio door.
”I’m in your head,” he scoffs. “I can’t really go anywhere.”
WAKE UP! she pleads again. Still, her mind refuses to obey.
”I should apologize, you know,” Hanson goes on.
Sam lets out a hollow laugh. “Well, that’s new.”
He ignores her. “I’ve been dead for years, but I’m still always getting in the way.”
She crosses her arms. ”In the way of what?”
Hanson glances at the pool. “I think you know.”
Sam curses the heat that floods into her cheeks. She can’t see the memory flashing before her eyes, but she can feel its echo closing in on her, trapping her in a prison of her own regret.
“As usual,” she chokes out, “you think too much of yourself.”
”Do I?” he says, frowning at her. “If I recall correctly, I’m the reason nothing ever works out for you. Even that Pete guy.”
”Pete was too much like you.”
He smirks again. “Exactly.”
Sam drops her arms. “Look, Jonas,” she mutters, “what the fuck do you want?”
”Want?” he echoes. “I don’t want anything. I’m only here because you still can’t let me go.”
She laughs again. ”Oh, I assure you, I dropped your sorry ass a long time ago.”
”Oh, but did you?” Hanson challenges, leaning forward. “If that’s the case, then why do you run whenever you get close to someone?”
Sam decides she’s had enough. “If you don’t get the fuck out of my head right now,” she snarls, “I’m going to throw you into this damn pool.”
”You think that’s going to get rid of me?”
”I don’t know. But I’m willing to find out.”
”Fine,” he growls, springing to his feet. “Go ahead and do it.”
Sam hesitates, suddenly terrified of moving closer.
Hanson steps towards her, causing her to flinch. “Go on,” he says, his voice low. “Toss me in.”
Sam takes a ragged breath, feeling tears pricking at her eyelids. He’s within her reach. She could do it if she wants to.
But she realizes with sudden clarity that she doesn’t want to. “No,” she says, lifting her chin in defiance. “I don’t think I will.”
He scowls at her. “Why not?”
Sam squares her shoulders and looks him dead in the eye. ”Because,” she replies, “you’re not worth it.”
She takes another breath.
“You never fucking were.”
And with that, she spins on her heel and marches back inside the hotel.
She wakes up - for real this time - in a cold sweat. For one disorienting moment, she swears she can hear her heart hammering against her ribs.
Until she realizes that the hammering isn’t hammering at all. It’s knocking.
”Sam?”
A surge of relief rushes into her veins. It’s not him. She’s not trapped in that godforsaken nightmare anymore. “Jonas?”
Her bedroom door creaks open as Jonas - her Jonas - pokes his head in. “Are you okay?”
Schrödinger, having sensed her distress, chooses that moment to plop himself down atop her chest. Sam gently moves him aside as she straightens up against the pillows. “Yeah,” she croaks. “Why do you ask?”
Jonas leans on the door frame. “I woke up to get a drink of water and heard you talking in your sleep.”
Sam blushes, although she’s sure he can’t see in the dark. “Oh,” she says. “No, I’m all right. It was just a weird dream.”
He takes a breath. ”Okay.” He pauses. “You sure?”
She considers lying again, but something inside her convinces her not to. “Actually,” she admits, “I don’t really know.”
”Oh.”
”Are you sleeping okay?”
Jonas sighs. “To be honest, not really.”
”I see.”
Silence settles on them as they stare into the darkness. At last, Jonas clears his throat. “Well, um, I’m sorry I bothered you,” he says. “I’ll let you get back to sleep.”
He begins to retreat from the doorway, but that gnawing ache from earlier suddenly rears its head. “Wait!” Sam calls.
Jonas pokes his head back in. “Yeah?”
She swallows. “Do you…do you want to stay?”
Even in the dark, she can see him frown. “I’m already staying over.”
”No, I mean…” She inhales. “In here?”
Jonas’ body goes rigid. “I..um..I probably shouldn’t.”
”But do you think it would help?”
Sam watches his chest rise and fall as he takes another breath. “Would it help you?”
She feels herself nodding before she has a chance to stop herself. “Yeah,” she murmurs. “Yeah, I think it would.”
Jonas slips into the room. “You’re sure?”
Her dream flashes through her mind, and a lump starts to form in her throat. “Yeah,” she repeats.
He makes his way to the bed, stopping when he comes up beside it. Sam looks up, mapping out what she can see of his face in the dark. His brows are creased, his expression uncertain.
”It’s okay,” she whispers.
Jonas bends down and cautiously crawls under the covers. Sam scoots over to give him more room. Schrödinger, surprised yet pleased at the new arrival, clambers across the bed and curls up next to Jonas’ legs.
”See,” she says, trying to break the tension, “I told you he loves you more than me.”
Jonas laughs softly, relaxing a little. “He does not. I probably just give off more body heat.”
Sam shrugs, then rolls over onto her side to face him. Jonas follows her lead, but he frowns again when she meets his eyes.
”What?” she asks.
”You’re crying.”
Sam lifts a hand to her face. Her fingers come away wet. “Oh,” is all she can say.
Jonas reaches out and brushes away a stray tear. Against her better judgment, she leans into his touch. “Do you wanna talk about it?” he asks. “The dream, I mean.”
Sam isn’t sure. All she knows is that Jonas’ presence is like an invisible thread tethering her to safety. “I don’t know,” she murmurs.
Jonas wipes away another tear. “How can I help then?”
Sam knows she shouldn’t, but she asks anyway. “Could you just…hold me for a bit?”
He freezes, once again looking unsure of himself. But something in her expression must cause him to crack. “Okay,” he agrees.
Jonas wraps his arms around her, drawing her into his chest. She pillows her head against his shoulder. His body is warm, his grip firm, and she can feel the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath her palm. The rhythm soothes her, and her eyes flutter closed.
”Thank you,” she whispers.
He runs his fingers along her spine. “You’re welcome.”
They lie like that for several minutes, Sam listening to his heartbeat and Jonas gently rubbing her back. After awhile, she decides to speak again.
“I saw him,” she says quietly.
Jonas pulls back to look at her. “Who?”
Sam takes a shaky breath. “The other one.”
”The other wh - oh.” His eyes soften with pity. “I’m sorry.”
”Yeah.”
He cups her face and strokes her cheek with his thumb. The gesture is so tender it makes her eyes well up with tears again.
”Don’t cry,” Jonas murmurs. “I hate seeing you cry.”
Sam sniffles, recalling the Pete fiasco. She knew back then that Jonas didn’t like him, but it took a little while before the pieces fell into place for her. When she finally realized that Pete was just a poor copy of Hanson, she ended up spending a long night in Jonas’ old room at the SGC, drowning in a sea of crumpled tissues and venting rather loudly about how stupid she was for agreeing to go out with him. Jonas didn’t know about her engagement to Hanson then, but he listened patiently to her rant past midnight while she blubbered like a baby and cursed into a cup of blue jello. Jonas didn’t mind her ranting, but he did mind the fact that Pete had made her cry. That upset him far more than the snotty mess she left on his bed, or the fact that she kept him up until 2 AM on a Tuesday.
”I’m sorry,” she chokes, blinking the tears away. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
Jonas shakes his head. “Don’t apologize,” he whispers. “I just don’t like seeing you so upset.”
”I know.”
He leans his forehead against hers. ”He’s gone,” Jonas says softly, still stroking her cheek. “He can’t hurt you anymore.”
Sam thinks back to what dream Hanson said about getting in the way, and she wonders if, even in death, his memory is still pulling the strings.
“Maybe,” is all she manages to say.
Jonas shifts closer. His nose nudges hers, and oh god she just wants to kiss him again and lose herself in him the way she did in Florida. But she knows that would lead to yet another compromising situation and its inevitable aftermath, so she forces herself to stay still. One disastrous conversation about their admittedly confusing relationship was enough.
”I’m just so tired,” she sighs.
He moves his head so that his cheek is resting against hers. “I know,” he whispers into her ear.
Sam swallows back another wave of tears. “I’m scared to go back to sleep.”
Jonas turns and buries his face in the crook of her neck. “Don’t be,” he murmurs, his lips brushing her skin. “I’m not going anywhere.”
She shivers, lifting a hand to stroke his hair. “You promise?”
He nods. ”As long as you want me here, I’ll stay.”
Sam shuts her eyes again. “Thank you.”
His arm tightens around her waist. “Don’t mention it,” he says, pulling her towards him. “No matter what happens, I’ll be here whenever you need me.”
She relaxes into his embrace, resting in the comfort of his words.
The echo of his heartbeat is the last thing she hears before she finally drifts off into a deep and dreamless sleep.
Notes:
The title of this chapter is taken from the lyrics of "Hold My Hand" by The Fray.
For some reason I get the feeling that Jonas would be a HUGE fan of sea otters (because why not, they're cute and and cuddly-looking, just like him lol). I thought it would be an adorable little detail to add in. Also, in general, I think he'd have a fascination with/affinity for Earth animals and be very interested in learning about them.
On that note, as a cat person, I absolutely LOVED writing for Schrödinger, especially the bits between him and Jonas. Since animals tend to be great judges of character, I think he would've taken an immediate liking to Jonas and "adopted" him as his new favorite person ❤️
The dream sequence with Jonas Hanson was actually my favorite part of this chapter to write, I think at least in part because it allowed me to explore the inner workings of Sam's mind (quite literally) and delve into her emotional state beyond simply stating or implying it. While writing it I wasn't sure how I was going to end it, but I ultimately thought the most fitting conclusion would be her gaining the strength to stand her ground instead of letting him control the narrative. She still has a lot of healing to do, but I wanted a moment where she was able to empower herself to stand up to him.
Originally I was going to have Jonas have a nightmare and Sam comfort him afterwards. But since I've already written so much of Sam playing caretaker, I wanted to reverse the roles and have Jonas comfort her instead in a moment of vulnerability. As much as I love badass Sam, I do like exploring that more vulnerable side of her and giving her a chance to be taken care of for a change.
And yes, as promised, the Pete discourse continues 😂 In all seriousness, though, I wanted to link that experience to Sam's earlier engagement since the parallels aren't something that get discussed very often, at least not as far as I've seen. I also wanted to write a bit more about Jonas' reaction to that relationship, since I think even in the canon timeline (assuming he'd stayed on the show) he wouldn't have been a fan of it or of the way Pete treated Sam.
Chapter 4: i am bound to you (with a tie that we cannot break)
Notes:
Hello! Once again I'm excited to share this chapter since it's been one of my favorites to write so far. We're slowly inching our way back to plot territory but I'm indulging a bit more character fluff before we really dive back into it because trust me, we're all going to need it 😆 As I mentioned last time, I'll be listing out possible content/trigger warnings at the beginning of each relevant chapter just to be safe. Anyway, that's all I have for now - thank you as always for reading!
CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER
-discussion of infidelity
-implied past relationship abuse
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
He wakes to an unfamiliar room, with a familiar body in his arms.
Jonas blinks as he comes to, squinting at the ray of sunlight streaming in through the window. He scans his surroundings in an attempt to get his bearings. At first he recognizes nothing. But after a few moments his mind catches up with him, and the memory of the previous night rushes in.
Sam, he thinks.
He looks down, expecting to see her sleeping next to him. But the figure snuggled in his arms isn’t her. It’s someone else, someone he hasn’t seen in years.
The figure stirs and gazes up at him. “Hi,” she says softly.
Jonas nearly chokes on the lump in his throat. “Carina,” he murmurs.
His ex-fiancée smiles and props herself up on her elbow. The sunlight bathes her auburn hair in a fiery glow. “It’s been awhile,” she whispers.
Jonas swallows. This has to be some kind of dream. “What are you doing here?” he asks.
Carina lifts a hand and straightens his hair. For a moment his chest swells with that old, familiar ache of affection and yearning. But it disappears as quickly as it comes. When her fingers trail down to his cheek, he feels nothing but emptiness and the sting of betrayal.
Carina lets her hand linger on his face. “Have you missed me?”
Jonas inhales. “I did. For awhile.”
”And now?”
He holds her gaze. “I’ve moved on.”
Her brows knit together in what looks like pity. “How’s that been working out for you?”
He frowns, pulling away from her. “What are you talking about?”
She tilts her head at him. “You know.”
”No, I don’t.”
Carina shifts so that she’s sitting up against the headboard. “Jonas,” she says almost condescendingly, “do you really think this is going to end well?”
Frustration stirs in his gut. “Carina, seriously, what are you talking about?”
Carina sighs. “She’s nice,” she murmurs, reaching for him again.
Jonas lets her thread her fingers through his hair, although the gesture doesn’t bring him any comfort. ”You mean Sam?” he asks.
She nods. “I can see why you like her,” she says.
Jonas’ jaw tightens. “Well, she is pretty loyal.”
A shadow passes over Carina’s face. “Jonas, I’m sorry about how things ended between us. Really.”
He scoffs. “You cheated on me with my best friend.”
”And I’m sorry for that. I truly am.”
Sorry isn’t enough, he thinks. It never was.
Carina sighs again. “Look, whatever you may think of me, I still care about you.”
Jonas lets out a huff.
Carina continues on. “You’re going to get hurt again.”
His head snaps back towards her. “What do you mean?”
Carina looks him in the eye. “I know how much Sam means to you,” she says, “but she won’t ever love you the way you want her to.”
Jonas opens his mouth to speak, but whatever words he meant to say die on the tip of his tongue.
Carina presses on. “If I couldn’t do it, what makes you think she will?”
Jonas’ eyes start to burn. He blinks the tears away before Carina catches sight of them. “She isn’t you,” he croaks.
”Maybe not,” Carina sighs, “but she’s not much different. She’ll string you along for as long as she thinks she needs you, and then when she doesn’t anymore, she’ll leave you behind. Are you sure you can live with that?”
He sits up, indignation now coursing through his veins. “Sam is nothing like you,” he grinds out. “And I don’t need her to feel any sort of way about me. As long as she’s my friend, that’s enough.”
”Is it really?”
“Yes.”
Carina shrugs. “Well, if telling yourself that makes you feel better, then go right ahead,” she says. “But it won’t change the truth. Even if she survives, you’ll never be anything more than an afterthought to her.”
Before Jonas can formulate a reply, Carina closes the space between them and presses a kiss to his forehead. “Goodbye, Jonas,” she whispers against his skin. “I’m sorry about everything. I really am.”
Jonas shuts his eyes. After a moment, the warmth of her body disappears. Carina is gone, leaving behind the weight of her words and the ghost of a broken promise - a crack in his heart he knows he’ll never quite be able to fill.
He opens his eyes to sunlight again. But this time it feels different.
The body in his arms stirs, and he glances down to see a mop of blonde hair nestled against his shoulder. He breathes a sigh of relief. He’s really awake this time. Good.
Sam exhales and nuzzles his neck. Her hand clings to the collar of his shirt, as if, even in sleep, she’s somehow afraid of losing him.
But maybe that’s just wishful thinking on his part. Maybe Carina - or the dream version of her - is right. Maybe Sam really is stringing him along, and she’ll only keep him around for as long as he can provide some semblance of security.
But then he thinks back to the day before, when she insisted on cheering him up and then practically begged him to stay the night so she could look after him. She was worried about him. She’s always worried about him, he realizes. Sometimes even at her own expense. Someone like that can’t only have her own interests at heart. No matter what still lies unspoken between them, she cares about him. That he’s certain of.
Sam would never leave him behind.
He moves his head and presses a kiss to her temple. She’s as beautiful in her vulnerability as she is in her fierceness, and he can’t bring himself to let her go. Especially not with the threat of his vision looming on the horizon. “I won’t let anything happen to you,” he whispers, lifting a hand to stroke her hair. “I owe you that much.”
Jonas closes his eyes, relishing the weight of Sam in his arms. He dozes off again until a wet tickling sensation rouses him from his sleep.
”Mrrow,” Schrödinger trills, his nose hovering inches from Jonas’ face.
Jonas laughs. “Good morning to you too,” he whispers.
Schrödinger nuzzles Jonas’ forehead and resumes licking his hair. Jonas holds back another laugh. “You hungry, buddy?” he asks quietly.
”Brrrp,” Schrödinger replies as if to say yes.
Jonas glances down at Sam. She looks so peaceful that he decides not to wake her. “I’ll feed you, big guy,” he says, reaching up to scratch Schrödinger between the ears. “Let’s let your mom sleep in.”
Schrödinger gives his palm an affectionate head bonk and leaps off the bed onto the floor. Jonas turns back to Sam, realizing that she’s still clinging to his shirt. Gently, so as not to disturb her, he pries her hand free. He lifts it to his lips and kisses her knuckles.
”I’m not leaving,” he murmurs, slowly slipping out of her grasp. “I promise.”
Sam wakes to the smell of bacon.
She’s confused at first. She doesn’t remember inviting anyone to her house, especially not at this hour. But then she sees the indentation on the pillow next to her, and her memory resurfaces.
Jonas.
The space beside her is still warm. She runs her hand across the sheets, imagining Jonas still lying there. Her body aches at the loss of contact. It’s been so long since anyone held her the way he did the night before, offering comfort with no expectation of anything else in return. With Pete there were always expectations, ones she refused to meet when she didn’t feel like meeting them. Her “stubbornness” always ended in a fight, and it was one of the reasons she eventually realized that he and Hanson were cut from the same cloth. She wishes, and not for the first time, that the past could be easier to change. How much happier would she be if she didn’t have to lug around so many burdens?
Sam sighs and scoots out from under the covers. She’s too exhausted to think right now. Maybe breakfast might clear the cobwebs from her mind. She washes up and brushes her hair, then makes her way to the kitchen.
Jonas is standing in front of the stove. He’s flipping an omelet with one hand and handing Schrödinger - who definitely should not be on the counter - a bit of turkey bacon with the other. “That’s your last piece,” Jonas says, booping her cat on the nose. “Don’t tell your mom.”
”Too late,” Sam interrupts.
Jonas whirls around. “O-Oh, hey,” he splutters. “I didn’t know you were up.”
Sam chuckles and comes up to stand beside him. “Did he manipulate you again?”
Jonas blushes. “It was just a few pieces of bacon.”
Sam rolls her eyes and turns to Schrödinger. “Naughty kitty,” she scolds, scooping him up into her arms. “I told you no people treats.”
”Woaww,” Schrödinger protests.
”No, you can’t stay up on the counter,” Sam continues. “Uncle Jonas is cooking.”
Schrödinger wriggles in her grasp, trying to reach for the omelet. After a moment he accepts defeat and slumps against her shoulder. She shakes her head and scratches the back of his neck. “Silly baby,” she coos. “You have enough food already.”
”In my defense,” Jonas cuts in, “I did give him his actual food before this.”
Sam smiles softly. “Thank you,” she says. “You didn’t have to do that.” She scans the counter, taking note of the meal Jonas has prepared. “You didn’t have to cook breakfast either.”
He shrugs. “It’s okay,” he insists, smiling back at her. “You let me stay over, so it was the least I could do.”
The sudden urge to kiss him is so overwhelming that Sam has to force herself to take a step back. “Thank you,” she says again, her voice hoarse. “For everything.”
Jonas meets her gaze, wordless understanding passing between them. “Don’t mention it,” he murmurs. “I’m glad you were able to get some sleep.”
”Did you sleep okay?”
He blushes again and looks away. “Yeah,” he replies. “I was fine.”
She lets out a breath. “Good. I’m glad.”
Jonas flips the omelet one more time before transferring it to a plate. “You want to sit down?” he asks, glancing at the kitchen table. “I’ll bring everything over.”
Sam sets Schrödinger down on the floor. “I can help.”
She can tell he wants to protest, but he simply nods in agreement. “Okay,” he says.
Sam helps him set the table, laying down a plate of omelets, another filled with bacon, yet another stacked with Eggo waffles, and a bowl of fruit salad. Jonas brings over clean plates, napkins, silverware, and two glasses filled with orange juice. Schrödinger slinks around their ankles as they take their seats, and eventually decides to hop up onto Jonas’ lap.
”Schrödie,” Sam warns, “get down from there.”
”Meeaw,” Schrödinger whines.
Jonas laughs and picks him up, placing him back onto the floor. “Sam’s right, buddy. You can’t steal from my plate.”
”Mrrow,” Schrödinger trills sadly. He settles himself at Jonas’ feet, hoping to catch any scraps that might fall from the table.
“And you think you’re not his favorite,” Sam chuckles.
Jonas just laughs again.
They spend the next few minutes focusing on their meal. At one point, Jonas gets up to fetch some butter and maple syrup for the waffles. He pulls the items out of the refrigerator, then pauses as he catches sight of something by the kitchen window.
”You kept it,” he murmurs.
Sam frowns. “Kept what?”
Jonas nods at the window. “The seashell I gave you. In Florida.”
Sam looks up from her plate, and sure enough, the shell in question is resting there on the windowsill. Her cheeks flush. She forgot she put it there after returning home.
”It’s pretty,” she mumbles. “I didn’t want to get rid of it.”
Her eyes meet his, and yet again she feels that invisible thread take shape between them, linking them together.
It’s Schrödinger who breaks the spell. He winds around Sam’s ankles in a silent plea for more treats. She glances down and shakes her head. “No, Schrödie,” she says, her voice thick in her throat. “No more food until lunch.”
After breakfast, they spend time out on Sam’s deck, playing a game of checkers. Jonas can tell she wants him to stay over again. But she’s too hesitant to ask, so he decides to make it easy on her.
”We can stop by my place later,” he says after he takes a turn. “Y’know, so I can grab some clothes and stuff.”
Sam looks up, surprise and gratitude both etched on her face. “Okay,” she replies softly. “We can swing by after lunch.”
They decide to grab lunch at the nearby diner, then drop by his apartment so he can pack a duffel bag. “Might as well pack for the rest of the weekend,” he quips. “Since you don’t want to let me out of your sight.”
Sam blushes. “You don’t have to,” she mumbles.
He grins, trying to break the tension. “It’s okay. Really. Sleepovers aren’t really a thing on Kelowna so you’re actually helping me cross that off my bucket list.”
Sam laughs, relaxing a bit. “Okay,” she says. “Good to know.”
They spend the rest of the day lounging around Sam’s house, watching TV and challenging each other to an impromptu MarioKart contest. When nighttime rolls around, they go through the same routine as the night before, getting ready for bed until they find themselves standing awkwardly in the living room again.
”So, um, goodnight,” Sam says, wringing her hands in front of her.
Jonas rubs the back of his head. “Goodnight,” he says back. He pauses a moment, then looks her in the eye. “Do you…need me to stay again?”
Sam’s cheeks flush, but she doesn’t move away. “I’ll be okay,” she murmurs.
”Are you sure?”
She takes a deep breath, holding his gaze. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or anything.”
Jonas takes a step forward. “I’m not.”
Sam wraps her arms around herself. “Would it help you sleep?”
He shrugs. “I slept pretty well last night. I mean, after…” He trails off, feeling heat crawl up his neck.
Sam takes another breath. “You can stay,” she whispers. “If you really want to.”
He spends the rest of the night in her arms.
Sunday turns out to be a repeat of Saturday, with breakfast in the morning and a lazy day around the house. When evening finally comes, they climb back into Sam’s bed, this time without either of them asking. Sam knows how much of a risk this is - one wrong move and that precarious peace between them could be shattered, possibly for good. But she can’t deny that Jonas’ presence puts her at ease, and she’s almost certain he feels the same way about her.
She rests her head on his shoulder and wraps her arms around his torso. “Did you pack your uniform?” she asks.
Jonas returns the gesture, pulling her against him. “Yeah,” he says quietly. “We can head straight to the SGC tomorrow morning.”
”Okay,” she whispers into the dark.
His fingers rub circles into the small of her back. She holds back a sigh, not wanting to give in too much to his touch. The effort is agonizing, though, especially when she feels his lips brush against her hairline.
”Did you have another bad dream?” Jonas asks. “Last night, I mean.”
Sam shakes her head. “No. I slept okay.” She glances up at him. “How about you?”
He inhales sharply before answering. “I saw it again,” he murmurs. “The vision.”
Sam props herself up on her elbow. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Jonas sighs. “I didn’t want you to worry any more than you already have been.”
Sam lifts her free hand and threads her fingers through his hair. “Jonas,” she says softly, “every now and then you have to let people help you.”
He sighs again and meets her gaze. “I know,” he whispers. “I’m just not very good at it.”
She trails her fingers down the side of his face. “Try practicing then.”
Jonas laughs. “How? It’s not a sport.”
She moves her hand back to his forehead. “Let me try something.”
He frowns. “What?”
Sam shifts into a more comfortable position and begins stroking the bridge of his nose with her fingertips. “My mom used to do this to Mark and me when we were little,” she explains. “To help us fall asleep.”
Jonas’ eyes flutter closed. “It feels nice,” he murmurs.
She wants so badly to lean forward and kiss the little crease between his eyebrows. Instead, she settles for nestling her head on the pillow next to him. “Relaxed yet?”
He smiles a little. “Yeah.”
She strokes his nose a few more times before letting her fingers land on his jaw. “It’s going to be okay,” she whispers.
He opens his eyes again. “What if it isn’t?” he asks, his smile disappearing.
Sam lowers her hand to his neck. “I’ve been thinking,” she says softly. “About the device, I mean.”
”What about it?”
Sam’s hand drifts down to his chest, feeling the beat of his heart against her palm. ““Well, I was thinking,” she begins, “then maybe once we plug a new crystal into the device, you could use it to jump forward to the exact moment when I get hurt. Then you could prevent it.”
Jonas mulls this over. “There’s no guarantee that would work.”
”True,” Sam agrees. “But everything we know about the device so far is theoretical anyway. If Dr. Augustine was right and it does operate via the user’s memory, then it’s possible you could use it to jump to the future in addition to the past.”
Jonas makes a face. “But my visions aren’t memories,” he argues. “Jumping back to a past moment in your memory is one thing, but jumping to a moment in the future is totally different.”
Sam toys with the hem of his shirt collar. “What if it’s not, though?” she says softly. “I mean, Dr. Augustine theorized that the device needs to establish a neural link with the user in order to work. What if it doesn’t matter whether it links with memories of the past or visions of the future? What if all it needs to connect with is the image of an event in your mind, regardless of when it takes place?”
Jonas meets her eyes. “I guess that’s possible.”
Sam runs her hand across his chest, smoothing his shirt beneath her palm. “I hope so,” she whispers. “Right now it’s the only option we’ve got.”
His expression softens. “I thought you said it wasn’t my responsibility to change the future.”
She sighs. “It’s not. I just thought the idea might make you feel better.”
Jonas lays his hand atop her own. “I trust you,” he murmurs, curling his fingers around hers. “If you think it’s worth a shot, then I’m willing to try it.”
Sam offers him a tiny smile. “It’s going to be okay,” she repeats. “Everything’ll work out fine.”
He squeezes her hand. “I should be telling you that.”
Sam lays her head on his shoulder again. “We take a risk every time we walk through the ‘gate,” she says. “I’m used to it.”
Jonas sighs, burying his nose in her hair. “I don’t know if I ever will be.”
Sam falls silent, not knowing what else to say. The urge to kiss him resurfaces, if only to offer some modicum of comfort.
She decides instead to snuggle closer. “We’ll be all right,” she whispers into his neck.
”You really think so?” he asks.
Sam flattens her hand atop his chest again, soaking up the steady thrum of his pulse. “Yes,” she murmurs, her lips brushing his skin. “As long as we look out for each other, we’ll be all right.”
Notes:
The title of this chapter is taken from the lyrics of "Another Place" by Bastille. When I was trying to choose a title I was struck by how well the entire song fit the story as a whole, but especially how well it fit this current cluster of chapters. The orchestral version is particularly beautiful (although it's a tearjerker) and I'd highly suggest checking it out. I was between this lyric and another one, but I ended up going with the former because I thought it was an appropriate reference to the "invisible thread" Sam feels is tying her and Jonas together.
I initially wasn't sure how I was going to start this chapter, but in the end I wanted to parallel Sam's nightmare in the last chapter with Jonas' dream of his ex. Although, yes, I KNOW he really needs a break from all the stress. At least he's getting lots of cuddles ❤️
Because of his love for food, I adore the idea of Jonas becoming a great cook while living on Earth. I feel like Sam rarely has time to cook full meals for herself, so I thought it would be sweet if he stepped in and prepared food for her.
And yes! That was a plot tease at the end of the chapter 😆 We'll get more into it later.
Chapter 5: we're bound to break (and our hands are tied)
Notes:
Hello again! I don't have much to preface this chapter with except to say thank you to everyone who has continued to follow along with this story 😊 This is a bit of a shorter one, but there's some important plot setup here and a bit more character fluff before things start to ramp up. Consider this the calm before the storm 😉 There are no content/trigger warnings for this chapter so I'll leave you all to read. Enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Come Monday morning, neither Sam nor Jonas wants to leave the comfort of the other’s embrace. But duty calls, so they reluctantly part, slipping out of bed to ready themselves for another long work day.
Sam is surprised by how easily she’s gotten used to having him around. He’s only spent three nights at her house and already they’ve fallen into some kind of routine. Like clockwork, Schrödinger wakes Jonas up in the morning, asking for food (and most likely hoping that Jonas will sneak him extra treats). Jonas rolls out of bed, gets dressed, feeds her insistent furball, and then prepares breakfast. She herself follows suit, washing up and changing her clothes before joining them in the kitchen. Schrödinger then whines for more food, tries and fails to manipulate Jonas into sharing his plate, and they laugh together at his antics.
It’s comfortable, this routine. Maybe too comfortable. But Sam has to admit that she likes it, far more than she probably should. There’s a certain sense of security in sharing her nights and mornings with Jonas rather than enduring them alone. She wonders if he feels the same.
But, even more than that, she wonders how they’ll both react when they return to their normal lives. Living apart, occupying their own spaces, and pretending that this past weekend never happened. A part of her - a much larger part than expected - is dreading the adjustment. Jonas grounds her in a way that even Schrödinger can’t, and she knows that she fulfills the same role for him. Can they even go back to normal? Or will the echo of whatever-this-is haunt them until it drives them mad? She doesn’t know, and thinking about it makes her stomach twist into knots.
”Are you okay?” Jonas asks, noticing her distress. They’re on the road now, making their way to the SGC.
Sam adjusts her hands on the steering wheel. “I don’t know,” she sighs. “I just get the feeling that this is going to be a long week.”
Jonas lets out a halfhearted laugh. “Yeah,” he says. “I know what you mean.”
They pull up to a red light, and without thinking, she reaches over and grabs his hand.
”Sam?”
She threads her fingers through his and squeezes, hard. “We’re going to be all right,” she murmurs, more to herself than to him.
Jonas frowns. “Yeah, you said that last night,” he says, shifting towards her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Sam blinks back the moisture pooling in her eyes. “Yeah,” she lies. Why is she tearing up? Just because he won’t be spending the night anymore doesn’t mean she’s losing him.
So why does it feel that way? Why does everything feel like a loss these days?
The light turns green, and she returns her hand to the steering wheel. She can, however, still feel the weight of Jonas’ stare on her.
”I’m fine,” she says, clearing her throat. “There’s just a lot going on.”
”Right,” Jonas replies, although he doesn’t sound convinced.
They spend the rest of the ride in silence.
”And you’re certain this won’t have any negative consequences?”
Sam takes a breath. The team is in a briefing with General Landry now, listening to her new suggestion about the device. Jonas is sitting next to her, twiddling his thumbs between his palms.
”Well, sir,” Sam replies, “there’s no guarantee of that. But given that Jonas would be using it to travel forward in time rather than backward, I think there’s a lower risk of causing any temporal disturbances.”
Landry frowns, considering her words. “I see.”
Sam presses on. “Look, the future isn’t set in stone. It’s just a set of probabilities. If any significant changes were to be made to the timeline, that’s more likely to happen by altering the past. If you change what happened before, that creates a whole new set of probabilities that may not have existed before that interference.”
Landry nods and folds his hands in front of him. “What about the personal risk?”
Sam glances at Jonas. “Well, to be honest,” she says quietly, “that I’m a little less sure about.”
“Does it even matter, though?” Cam cuts in. “I mean, regardless of whether you use the device to travel to the past or to the future, wouldn’t the risk just be the same?”
Sam shrugs. “It’s possible. Theoretically, the only difference would be which direction you’re traveling in.”
The general leans forward, his gaze settling on Jonas. “What do you think, son?” he asks. “Do you think you’re comfortable with taking that risk?”
Jonas meets Sam’s eyes.“I trust Colonel Carter with my life,” he says, causing her heart to skip a beat. “I’m willing to take whatever risk necessary to save hers.”
”Well, I suppose that’s settled then,” Landry declares, seemingly oblivious to the silent exchange happening before him. “After you retrieve a new crystal on your mission to Asterion Prime, we’ll test the device and hope for the best.”
”That is assuming we are able to locate a new crystal successfully,” Teal’c chimes in. “On our last visit we were ambushed by a group of bandits.”
”Well,” Cam says, “at least we know they’re there now.”
”And you won’t be going alone,” Landry adds. “I’m authorizing SG-27 to accompany you.”
Teal’c nods, although Sam can read him well enough by now to tell he still has his doubts. “A wise plan, general. They are formidable warriors.”
Landry leans back in his chair. “So, are there any other pressing issues?”
Sam feels Jonas’ arm brush hers, and she dips her chin to hide the flush in her cheeks. “No,” she answers. “I think that covers it.”
Lunch is a quiet affair. When Jonas proves to be less chatty than his usual self, Sam expects Cam to fill the silence in his stead. But, surprisingly, he doesn’t, making the whole situation far too awkward for anyone’s liking.
When they part ways, Sam follows Jonas to his office. The device is still sitting on his desk. Jonas reaches for it, toying with the metal rings surrounding its casing. “You know,” he mumbles, “we still don’t even know how to open it.”
Sam comes up beside him. “I remember that from your notes,” she says. “The rings could be a locking mechanism to keep the crystal in place in addition to being an activation switch.” She nods at the strange symbols etched into the metal. “Find the right combination of symbols and you could either open it or trigger a time jump.”
”Yeah,” Jonas murmurs. He runs his fingers across the top ring. “But I’ve tried so many combinations at this point I’m starting to wonder if any of them are going to work.”
Sam glances at him. His hair is a bit askew, and she has to resist the urge to straighten it. “We’ll figure it out,” she says softly.
”Yeah,” he repeats, staring blankly at the crystal. “But what if we don’t figure it out in time? I mean, even if we do find another crystal on the mission, we can’t use it if we don’t know how to take the old one out and plug the new one in.” He sighs. “And we don’t know how soon my vision is supposed to come true.”
She lays a hand on Jonas’ shoulder. “We’ll have time,” she reassures him, although she isn’t certain of that herself. “With Daniel sending over his theories from Atlantis, that should still give us an advantage.”
Jonas glances at her. “Have you told him?” he asks quietly. “Or Vala?”
Sam looks away, letting her hand fall back to her side. “I didn’t want to worry them.”
He inhales. “Sam, maybe you should - “
”No,” she interrupts, a little too harshly. She feels a pang of guilt when she sees him flinch. “Look,” she continues, her voice softening, “like I said earlier, the future isn’t set in stone. I don’t want to burden them with something that has no guarantee of happening.”
”But what if it does?”
The fear in his eyes is so potent that she can’t help but reach for his hand. “It won’t,” she whispers. “Our plan will work. I have to believe that.”
Jonas holds her gaze for a moment before pulling her into a hug. She wraps her arms around him almost instinctively.
They hold each other like that for a long while. After some time, Jonas finally speaks. “I can’t lose you,” he whispers.
Sam tightens her grip on him. “You won’t,” she murmurs. “I promise.”
The bed feels empty without him.
When Sam dropped Jonas off at his apartment after work, she worried that returning home to relative isolation would quickly overwhelm her. Thankfully, dinner, TV, and Schrödinger managed to distract her for awhile. But her uneasiness at being alone again hit the moment she crawled into bed, and now she wonders if she’s ever going to get any sleep. She sighs, rolling onto her side. The clock on her nightstand reads 1:00 AM. She bites back a frustrated groan.
Her phone taunts her from its place on the nightstand. It would be so easy to send Jonas a text and ask if he’s still awake. But if he is, she doesn’t want to appear too desperate, and if he isn’t, she doesn’t want to wake him. She heaves another sigh. Why can’t life ever be simple?
The phone, however, solves her dilemma for her. Sam jumps when it suddenly buzzes. Schrödinger’s head pops up from where it was nestled atop her feet, and he lets out a soft, questioning trill. Sam reaches for the phone and taps the notification.
hey, u still up?
Relief floods through her body. Apparently she isn’t the only one who isn’t taking well to sleeping alone. Yeah, I’m up, she types.
J: u ok?
S: can’t sleep
J: did u have another nightmare?
S: no. just restless
J: oh ok
S: what about you?
J: i just woke up
S: bad dream?
J: yeah
S: ☹️ was it the vision again?
J: yeah
S: I’m sorry ☹️
J: it’s ok. i just needed 2 know u were there
Sam swallows the lump in her throat before typing again.
S: I’m here. It’s okay ❤️
J: thanks ❤️
S: ❤️
J: do u need anything?
S: Idk. I think I’m just stressed
J: 🫂
S: 🫂 Schrödie misses you btw
J: 😆 haha tell him i miss him too
Sam bites her lip, the automatic reply running through her mind like a news ticker. I wish you were here, it says.
To her surprise, Jonas beats her to the chase.
i wish i was there with u
Sam hesitates, then finally answers.
I wish you were here too
The dots bounce across the screen while she waits for his next message.
J: it’s kinda spooky here alone
S: I know what you mean
J: do u think u will be able 2 sleep?
S: I dunno
J: me neither
Sam takes a breath before her next text.
S: do you want to call?
J: i don’t want 2 keep u up
S: It’s okay
J: u sure?
I need to hear your voice, she thinks. But instead she sends:
Yeah it’s fine
Within seconds, her phone is buzzing again. She answers it and holds it up to her ear. “Hi,” she breathes.
”Hi,” Jonas says.
She lies there for a moment, just drinking in his presence on the other end of the line. “It’s been a weird night,” she murmurs.
”Yeah,” he agrees.
They fall silent until Sam decides to speak again.
”Do you want me to stay on until you fall asleep?”
Jonas inhales. “I don’t want to keep bothering you.”
”You’re not. Really.” She sighs. “To be honest, I think it would help me too.”
He hesitates. Then, after another breath, “Okay.”
Sam burrows into her pillows. “I’ll call you back tomorrow morning, okay?”
”Okay.” He pauses. “Sam?”
”Yeah?”
”Thank you.”
She smiles in spite of herself. “You’re welcome,” she whispers. “And thank you too.”
She swears she can hear him smiling back. “Goodnight, Sam,” he says.
”Goodnight, Jonas,” she replies.
She falls asleep to the sound of him breathing.
Notes:
The title of this chapter is taken from the lyrics of "Rewrite the Stars" from The Greatest Showman. I wasn't sure if I was going to stick with it, but I ultimately decided to keep it because I thought it was a nice reverse? parallel to last chapter's title and the theme of an unbreakable tie/bond.
As far as I'm aware, the number of canonically named SG teams only goes up to SG-25, so SG-27 is a team of my own creation. We'll get to meet them soon.
Chapter 6: side by side in orbit (around the fairest sun)
Notes:
Hello again! Now that we've had a bit of a breather, we're finally going to be jumping headfirst into the meat of the plot. Things will start to get crazy soon, so you've been warned... 😁
As always, thank you so much for following this self-indulgent little project of mine. I cannot express enough how much it means to me! Like the last chapter, here are no content/trigger warnings ahead so once again I will leave you all to read. Enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
A week later, when the day of the mission rolls around, Jonas is a bundle of nerves. He can’t get his hands to stop shaking, and Cam ends up helping him strap on his vest.
”It’s gonna be okay, buddy,” Cam says once he’s finished. “We’ll get the crystal and come back home, and then you’re gonna save Sam. End of story.”
Jonas grimaces. “But what if what I saw in my vision happens on this mission? We didn’t stop to think of that.”
”Look,” Cam replies, gripping him by the shoulders, “I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but put it out of your mind. Just focus on what we need to do right now, okay? Everything’ll work out fine.”
“That’s what Sam said last week,” Jonas mumbles.
”And she’s right. Now, the sooner we get going, the sooner we can get this whole time travel thing over with. Then you can finally relax, okay?”
Jonas nods. “Okay.”
Cam keeps a close eye on him as they make their way to the Gate Room. Given Jonas’ mental state over the past few weeks, Cam did at one point consider requesting that he remain behind for this particular mission. But he knew that the Kelownan would’ve caused a huge ruckus and fought that motion tooth and nail. So he ultimately put the idea to rest, choosing to trust that as long as Jonas could watch over Sam like a hawk, he would be able to keep his head on straight.
Cam hopes he made the right decision.
Sam and Teal’c, along with SG-27, are already waiting for them when they enter the room. Jonas immediately locks eyes with Sam, and they share one of about a million wordless exchanges Cam has borne witness to at this point. They stare at each other for a moment before Sam walks past Teal’c and reaches for Jonas’ vest.
”Cam already fixed it,” he says softly.
She ignores him, adjusting the shoulder straps anyway. “It’s not too tight?”
”No.”
”Did you pack snacks again?”
He smiles, if only barely. “Did you?”
Sam smiles back, although it doesn’t quite erase the concern in her eyes. “I learned from the best.”
”Granola or fruit snacks?”
”Both.”
He makes a face as she starts to fiddle with his cap. “What are you doing?”
“It’s crooked,” she says. “Anyway, I thought you’d wear the other one.”
”The bucket hat? It looks terrible on me.”
She laughs. ”To be fair, nothing about these uniforms makes a particularly impressive fashion statement.”
Ahem, Cam interrupts.
They blush and step apart, making sure to stand a respectful distance away from each other. Cam feels somewhat guilty for intruding. He’s never been able to figure out just what exactly is going on between the two of them, but he can tell something is definitely going on. Vala had her theories before she left for Atlantis, but he always chalked much of that up to her insatiable love of gossip. That being said, the connection between the pair is unmistakable, no matter how subtle they might think their behavior is. Personally, Cam doesn’t mind whatever-it-is as long as they don’t let it interfere with their duties. It can be a bit awkward to feel like the third wheel sometimes, but he knows Sam and Jonas were close long before he arrived. He doesn’t believe it’s ever been his right to deny them that.
”So,” he says, hoping to break the tension, “I take it we’re ready?”
”Indeed,” Teal’c replies.
The others mumble in agreement.
Cam signals General Landry up in the control room, then turns back to his team and nods. “Let’s head out,” he says. “The sooner we get this done, the better.”
From what they’ve been able to gather from their earlier intel, Asterion Prime is an aquatic tropical planet. Several island clusters lie scattered across a vast expanse of clear blue ocean. The main island is covered with lush rainforests that conceal a network of caves buried deep within the earth. The caves branch out to the shoreline, where the sea breeze provides some relief from the humid air. Once both teams have stepped through the ‘gate, Cam leads them to the water to set up camp there, in the hopes that the temperature will be a bit more bearable. After a short trek through the trees, they decide to rest atop a cliff face overlooking the beach.
Jonas has mapped out what they’ve explored of the caves so far. After reviewing his notes, he figures out that they’re not far from where they originally discovered the device. He’s still not sure how a manmade artifact of its kind ended up abandoned underground, with no signs of a past settlement nearby. But he’s almost certain that the crystal must have been mined from somewhere within the cave network.
”So, where’s the closest entrance?” Cam asks, coming up beside him.
Jonas inspects his map. “Well, there’s one in the jungle about half a mile south of here,” he replies. “Or, there’s one much closer, down by the water. But if we enter from there, we’ll have to find another exit. We’ll get caught by high tide otherwise.”
”Let’s go with the jungle entrance, then,” Cam says.
He turns to SG-27. It’s the only all-female team in the Stargate Program, nicknamed the “Spice Girls” by its head, Lieutenant Colonel Cressida Altair. Despite her newly-christened status as team leader, she’s already proven to be quite the force of nature. Jonas is honestly relieved that she’s come along for the mission. If anything at all goes wrong, she and her teammates are sure to put up a fierce fight.
”Cress,” Cam continues, “can you spare two to hold down the fort here?”
Cressida nods. “Vega, Antares, you stay put and guard camp. Volans is the best navigator.”
Sergeant Alya Vega, the team’s youngest member, nods back. Despite her age, Jonas knows better than to underestimate her. She’s an award-winning black belt who actually had a shot at the Olympics before graduating from college and joining the Air Force. “Sounds good,” she says, settling herself on a nearby rock.
The other member, Dr. Estella Antares - or, Stella to her friends - makes a face. “I’m the geologist,” she protests. “If anybody should be hunting for rocks it’s me.”
Cressida scowls at her, but there’s no malice in her expression. The back-and-forth sniping is a hallmark of their relationship, which to Jonas is unsurprising given that the two are actually stepsisters. “You can have a look at the rock when we bring it back,” she insists. “Besides, as much as it pains me to admit, you’re actually a pretty good shot.”
Stella narrows her eyes but relents. “All right, fine,” she mutters. “You get a pass for that compliment, but nothing else.”
Cressida smirks, then turns to the remaining team member. Dr. Celia Volans is the quietest of the four, having spent much of her career in an entomology lab before her recruitment. Many at the SGC were initially skeptical of General Landry’s decision to assign a bug specialist to SG-27, but her expertise ended up becoming an invaluable asset to the program. Her extensive knowledge of various alien critters - many of which have turned out to be poisonous or venomous - has saved a number of SG team members from certain death at this point. It’s for that reason that some have nicknamed her the “Angel of Stargate Command,” although she’s still too humble to claim the title.
”Volans,” Cressida says, “make sure we don’t get killed by any weird bugs, okay?”
Celia laughs. “Will do, boss.”
”Good.” Cressida glances back at Cam. “We’re all set.”
Cam grants her an appreciative nod. “All right, then. Let’s get moving.”
Twenty minutes later they arrive at rocky outcropping, covered by a web of thick, leafy vines. Teal’c clears away some of the vines to reveal the mouth of a small cave.
Cam shines a flashlight into the darkness. “Looks clear,” he says. “Teal’c, you take the rear.”
Teal’c nods in assent and follows the rest of them inside.
Jonas leads the way, keeping track of their location on his map. At one point they hit a previously unmarked dead end, which Jonas makes a note of before bringing them back into familiar territory. After some time, they decide to rest in a large cavern filled with glowing stalactites.
”Crystals?” Cam asks, peering up at the ceiling.
Celia shakes her head. “Asterion glowworms,” she replies. “They’re more like bioluminescent leeches that like to cluster in dark, damp spaces. There’s two main species: a venomous blue worm that could kill you with one bite, and a purple worm whose bite is said to contain a powerful natural anti-venom.”
Cam grimaces. The faint light from above is a brilliant shade of electric blue. “Great,” he mutters. “We’re in a cave with glow-in-the-dark death slugs.”
Celia smiles softly. “I think they’re fascinating,” she says. “Anyway, as long as we don’t disturb them, I think we’ll be fine.”
Cam meets her eyes. “I will never understand your obsession with bugs,” he remarks. “They kind of freak me out.”
Celia chuckles. “Well, if you ever need rescuing from a creepy crawler, you know who to call.”
Cam grins and leans towards her. “I’ll hold you to that promise, doctor.”
Celia blushes and looks away.
Cam pats her on the shoulder before taking a seat on a nearby boulder. “How are we doing on time, Sam?”
Sam sits down next to him and checks her watch. “We’ve been at it for a couple of hours,” she answers. “It’ll be evening soon.”
Cam glances at Jonas. “Why don’t we take ten minutes, and then you can lead us back out? I don’t want to us to get caught in the jungle after dark.”
Jonas nods. “Sounds good,” he agrees.
He finds a spot next to Celia, who has parked herself by the cavern’s entrance. She greets him with a smile. “Hey, Jonas,” she says.
”Hey,” he says back, lowering himself to the ground. “How are you holding up?”
”I’m fine,” she replies. “A bit hungry, though.”
Jonas digs a granola bar out of one of his vest pockets. “Want one?”
“Thanks,” she says, taking it from him.
Jonas pulls another granola bar from his vest, unwraps it, and begins to eat. He glances over at Celia and notices her gazing into the distance.
”You all right?”
”Hm? Oh, yeah. Just tired.” She takes a bite of her granola.
Jonas continues to observe her, and soon takes notice of her line of vision. She isn’t simply staring off into space. She’s actually looking straight at Cam.
Jonas frowns, wondering if he should say anything. Although he doesn’t know Celia as well as his own teammates, this isn’t the first time he’s noticed something brewing between her and the colonel.
He’s about to let the matter drop when his own eyes land on Sam. She looks up from her pack of fruit snacks and smiles at him, causing him to blush and choke on a piece of granola.
“Hey, you okay?” Celia asks in concern.
Jonas grabs his canteen and takes a swig of water. “Yeah,” he coughs. “Wrong pipe.”
The lapse into silence for a moment until he decides to give voice to his thoughts. “Can I ask you something?”
Celia turns to him. “Sure. What about?”
Jonas rubs the back of his neck. “Look,” he starts, “you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to. But…are you interested in Colonel Mitchell?”
Celia turns pink - or Jonas assumes so, since it’s hard to tell in the blue light. “Why do you ask?”
Jonas glances at Sam before answering. “I was just curious,” he mumbles. “I mean…about how you’d navigate it if you were.”
Celia cocks her head at him. “Is this about you and Colonel Carter?”
Jonas’ eyebrows shoot up. “How did you - “
Celia laughs. “I have eyes.”
Jonas blushes again, at a loss for what to say.
Celia’s expression softens. “Look, Jonas,” she continues, “I think the best thing is to just be honest with her.”
That’s the same thing Dr. Lam said, he thinks. “Have you done it? “ he asks. “Be honest? With Cam, I mean.”
Celia lets out a sigh. “Not yet,” she murmurs. “I think maybe I’ve been waiting for him to say something, but he’s a lot shyer than he looks.”
Jonas looks over at Cam. ”You think he’s interested in you too?”
“Well,” Celia replies, “I can’t be a hundred percent sure. But I think he might be.”
”And you’re willing to take that risk even if there’s no guarantee it’ll work out?”
Celia looks him in the eye. “We’ve only got so much time to spend with the people we care about,” she says gently. “I think, given that, the risk is definitely worth it.”
Jonas glances back at Sam. The glow from the ceiling surrounds her in a soft blue halo, and his heart swells at the sight. Even down in the depths of this cave, she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on. “Maybe you’re right,” he mumbles, unable to tear his gaze away. “Maybe I just need to tell her the truth.”
The sun has set by the time they make it back to camp. Alya is keeping watch, while Stella is stretched out on her bedroll.
”Took you long enough,” Stella grumbles. “Did you find a crystal?”
”Not yet,” Cam says. “We’ll look for a few more days before we head back home.”
Stella sighs and lies back down. Everyone else starts to settle in around her. After a meal of not-quite-filling MRE’s, they prep for the night, choosing to take turns being the lookout.
”I’ll take the first watch,” Sam offers, perching herself on a rock.
Jonas jumps up to join her. “Me too,” he chimes in.
Sam catches his eye, looking as if she wants to protest. But Cam interrupts before she has the chance to speak. “Sounds good. I’ll take second.”
”I will take the third,” Teal’c says.
”Guess I’ll take fourth,” Cressida adds. “That covers it.”
Cam nods and lies down. “Don’t get distracted, you two,” he quips, aiming a smirk at Sam. “If shit hits the fan, you’re responsible for saving our asses.”
She blushes and makes a face. “We’ll be fine.”
”Right,” Cam says, closing his eyes. “Whatever you say.”
Sam glares at him, but within a few minutes, he’s fast asleep. The others soon follow.
After some time, she turns to Jonas. He’s sitting next to her now, bracing his palms against the rock. “You don’t have to stay up with me,” she says quietly. “I’ll be okay.”
Jonas shakes his head. “I’d rather not take any chances.”
Sam’s eyes soften. “We’ll find that crystal, you know.”
”I hope so,” he mumbles. “That cave system is pretty complex, though. It could take awhile.”
”Maybe,” Sam says. “Or maybe we’ll get lucky.”
He wants to say something about not believing in luck, but he decides to hold his tongue. Instead, he turns and gazes out at the ocean. The waves shimmer in the light of the planet’s full moon. “It’s beautiful out here,” he murmurs.
”Yeah,” Sam agrees. “Kind of a shame we’re here on business, though. It’s a good night for a swim.”
Jonas glances back at her and laughs. “What is it with you and night swimming?”
Sam blushes and looks down. At first, he’s puzzled by her reaction, but then he recalls the memory he just dredged up. Florida. The pool. The kiss. His face starts to burn.
”It’s nice,” she mumbles suddenly.
He frowns. “What is?”
“Night swimming,” she says softly.
Jonas gets the distinct impression that she’s not actually talking about swimming. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “Maybe you have a point.”
She looks up at him. The moonlight makes her eyes sparkle, and the sight is so breathtaking that it takes all his strength not to close the space between them.
His resolve wavers, however, when her hand brushes against his. “I’m glad you’re here,” she says. “I was afraid Cam wouldn’t let you come.”
”Why?” he laughs. “Because I’m a nervous wreck?”
”I wouldn’t put it that way,” Sam chuckles. “But you have been on pins and needles lately.”
Jonas can’t argue with that. “I just want all of this to be over,” he sighs.
She falls silent for a moment, glancing down at their hands. Then - “Remember when you pretended to read my palm?”
Jonas gives her an odd look, unsure of where she’s going with this. “Yeah, I do.”
”Do you think you could do it again?”
His brow furrows. “Why?”
Sam shrugs. “I don’t know. Just something silly to take our minds off of everything.”
Jonas eyes her for a minute before agreeing. “All right,” he says at last, flipping his hand over and offering it to her. “As you wish.”
She makes a face. ”Are you ever going to stop quoting The Princess Bride?”
He grins. ”Nope.”
Sam shakes her head. “Okay, Westley,” she laughs, placing her hand in his. “Have at it, then.”
Jonas strokes her palm with his thumb. He wants so badly to lift her hand and press a kiss to her wrist, if only to feel the thrum of her pulse against his lips. He’s almost desperate, he realizes. Desperate to touch her, to hold her, to know that her heart is still beating. Desperate to reassure himself that it’ll keep beating, long after the time of his vision has passed.
”Well?”
Sam’s voice jolts him out of his reverie. He clears his throat and begins inspecting her palm. “Hmm, let’s see,” he says. “Ah, yeah. Here we go.”
”What is it?”
Jonas’ thumb pauses above Sam’s pulse point. Her heartbeat is a little fast, but it’s steady. Alive. “You’re going to live a long and happy life,” he murmurs, silently willing his words to come true. “You’ll have everything you’ll ever need, and even when times are tough, you’ll find a way through like you always do.”
He looks up to see Sam’s eyes glistening with tears. “Thank you,” she whispers.
A stray tear rolls down her cheek, and before he can stop himself, Jonas lifts his free hand to brush it away. “I’m sorry I made you cry.”
“It’s okay,” she sniffles. “I’m fine.”
He lets his hand linger on her cheek, and he’s once again reminded of the night she kissed him. He’s spent so many nights since replaying that moment in his mind, wishing he could rewrite the ending. What would’ve happened if he hadn’t pulled away, if he hadn’t doubted how much she really cared for him? Would he have woken up the next morning in her arms? Would they be together now?
Jonas thinks about what Dr. Lam and Celia said, about needing to be honest. True, he could go on pretending like the manufactured boundary between him and Sam doesn’t bother him at all. But will that really preserve their friendship, or will it just make everything worse? And what if, despite all his efforts to save her, their time is still about to run out?
He swallows back the lump in his throat. ”Sam?”
”Yeah?”
”I need to tell you something.”
Sam locks eyes with him. “What is it?”
He leans closer, close enough so that he can feel her breath on his skin. “I was scared to tell you before,” he says softly. “But I feel like I have to now.”
Her gaze flickers to his lips. “Tell me what?” she whispers.
“I - “
Crack!
They jump apart, startled by the noise. Sam whirls around to peer into the trees.
”What was that?” Jonas asks.
Sam shakes her head. “I’m not sure,” she answers quietly. “Could just be an animal. Or it could be - “
”Bandits?” he finishes.
Sam grabs her gun and begins creeping towards the treeline. “Wake the others,” she murmurs. “I don’t want to take any chances.”
Jonas tiptoes over to Cam, fighting back the swell of anxiety in his chest. It’s fine. They’ll be fine. It’s probably just a bird or something. “Cam,” he whispers, shaking the colonel’s shoulder. “Cam, wake u - “
A sudden yelp cuts him off. He spins around, panic seizing him in its grip. Then, he watches in horror as Sam’s gun clatters to the ground, her body collapsing into a heap beside it.
”Sam!” he cries out, all at once forgetting to be quiet.
Jonas rushes over to her, vaguely registering Cam and the others waking up behind him. He doesn’t notice, however, the dark figures now slinking through the trees towards them.
”Sam, are you - aah!“
A sharp stinging sensation shoots up his leg, and his vision begins to blur. His knees buckle underneath him. Suddenly, he’s lying in the dirt, the sky is spinning, and he can’t seem to make sense of anything anymore. “Sam,” he croaks, reaching for her. “Sam - “
His hand finds hers just as the world goes out of focus, and everything fades to black.
Notes:
The title of this chapter is taken from the lyrics of "Nightswimming" by R.E.M., as a reference to Sam and Jonas' conversation about the subject.
As I mentioned in the last chapter, SG-27 are all OCs created for this story. Even though the following actors themselves are obviously younger than the cast of the original show, I'm a very visual person so I picked some facelaims in case anyone is curious about what I think they look like:
Cressida Altair - Katie Findlay
Alya Vega - Keana Lyn Bastidas
Estella Antares - Izuka Hoyle
Celia Volans - Amanda WongTheir first and last names are mostly all taken from star- or constellation-related names, with the exception of Celia, which means "heavenly."
The Cam/Celia subplot wasn't originally part of the plan, but as I was writing this chapter I realized I wanted something to parallel Jonas' dilemma with telling Sam the truth about his feelings. I don't know how much I'm going to expand on it, but I do think there's something weirdly cute about this career military guy potentially being interested in a nerdy scientist who seems sweet and unassuming but is really, really obsessed with bugs lol. Combat, he's fine with. Bugs...maybe not so much. If the idea holds my interest enough, I might do more with it later. (I can envision some scenes where she tries to introduce him to some neat new bug she discovered on some planet and he indulges her and lets her make him hold it because he likes her, but is secretly dying inside because "oh god it's an alien bug ew gross get it off me" 🤣).
And yes, I know I'm being cruel with that awful cliffhanger, but I did warn that things were about to get crazy. This is just the beginning of the rollercoaster, so strap in, guys 😂
Chapter 7: i will follow you into the dark
Summary:
Hello again! So the last chapter was sort of a prelude to things getting crazy - now this is where things are actually going to get crazy. Brace yourselves, you've been warned 🤣 As always, thank you to everyone following along and reading, I really appreciate it!
CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER
-reference to trafficking
-violence
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
His head is pounding when he wakes up.
At first Jonas thinks he’s dreaming. Everything around him is a dark, hazy blur, and he can barely make out his surroundings. There’s a cool blue light shining up above him, and he can hear the sound of trickling water somewhere nearby. He tries to move his hands to get a feel for where he is, but to his horror he finds that they’re tied behind his back. A jolt of panic shoots through his body, and he starts to struggle against his bonds.
”Easy, xenosh,” an unfamiliar voice says. “It’s not worth it.”
Jonas blinks, and the world slowly comes back into focus.
He’s sitting by the wall of a cavern, this one different from the one they explored earlier. It’s somewhat bigger, with a narrow stream weaving through a scattered field of stalagmites. Overhead, a number of stalactites jut out from the ceiling, covered in clusters of glowing blue worms.
His head starts to swim again, so he leans it against the wall to steady himself. “Who…who are you?” he croaks.
A tall, shadowy figure settles itself on nearby rock. From what he can make out in the dim light, it’s a woman in her early fifties, sporting a tangled mess of greying hair and wearing a ragtag assortment of dark clothing. Camouflage. No wonder they were so hard to spot.
”You fellas have been calling us bandits,” the woman says, flashing him an unnerving smile. “Which I suppose we are. But I prefer to think of us as entrepreneurs.”
Jonas isn’t sure what to make of that, but right now it’s not the most pressing issue. “What have you done with my friends?”
”Relax, xenosh,” the woman replies. “Your girlfriend’s just waking up.”
Jonas turns his head in the direction of the woman’s gaze and feels a swell of relief when he sees Sam sitting a short distance away from him. She’s alive. Groggy, but still alive.
”Sam,” he whispers.
Sam stirs, groaning when her eyes flutter open. “Jonas?”
”I’m here,” he says, scooting towards her.
“Isn’t that touching,” the woman interrupts, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “I was in love once. A long time ago. Nice fella. Pity I had to kill him when I found out he was stealing from me.”
Jonas’ blood runs cold. “You killed your partner?”
The woman shrugs. “Like I said, he was stealing from me. Skimmed funds off the top and thought he could hide it. I don’t take well to being cheated, so he had to go.”
Dread seeps into his bones. ”Your business,” Jonas says slowly, already guessing the answer, “what exactly is it?”
The woman grins again. “We’re in trade, so to speak,” she replies. “It’s a bit of an underground network that stretches across the entire archipelago.”
Jonas bites back a wave of nausea. ”Trafficking,” he growls. “You’re kidnapping people and selling them to buyers on other islands.”
The woman’s grin only widens. “If that’s what you want to call it,” she says. “I like to look at it as the exchange of a valuable resource.” She pauses a moment to adjust her position on the rock. “A xenosh like you - an outworlder if you will - can sell for an especially high price.”
Jonas grimaces. “You’ve been scouting out the ‘gate,” he mutters. “You’ve been watching us this whole time.”
The woman nods. “You’re a smart one,” she muses. “But yes. This island used to be more populated, but most of the major settlements emptied out once the reef here started dying and all the good fishing dried up. The major ports are all located on neighboring islands now. Our best bet for nabbing a shipment was to wait for outworlders to pass through.”
Jonas scowls. ”That’s taking an awfully big leap of faith. There was no guarantee we’d ever show up.”
”True,” the woman says. “But the rarer the gem, the better the profit.”
Jonas looks away, no longer able to stomach the sight of the woman’s unsettling grin. His eyes roam over Sam’s body, checking for any injuries. Aside from the weariness on her face, she looks unscathed. Still, he wants more than anything to break free of his bonds and hold her close. That is, after he’s knocked the living daylights out of their captor. “Where are our other friends?” he asks.
The woman frowns. “After we took you two out, your friends put up a good fight,” she explains. “The young one knocked out one of my men, the big one shot two others, and the tough one managed to throw one more off the cliff before escaping.”
Alya, Teal’c, and Cressida. “What about the rest of them?” Jonas prods.
The woman’s smile reappears. “The other three weren’t so lucky,” she chuckles. “The other half of my crew - or what’s left of it - is keeping them in another part of the cave system. That way you won’t get any ideas about teaming up and trying to escape.” She chuckles again, this time more to herself. “Not that you’d be likely to anyway. Not without a map. But we figured it was worth it to take some precautions.”
All of a sudden, Sam winces and lets out another groan. Jonas’ heart seizes in panic. “Sam, what is it?”
”Nothing,” she chokes out. “Just…really dizzy.”
”Ah, yeah, sorry about that,” the woman cuts in. “Just another precaution to make it harder for you to make a break for it.”
Jonas turns back to her. She’s holding something in her hand now - a short, thin rod with a small plume of feathers at one end. Jonas’ gaze flits up to the worms on the ceiling before once more landing on what he can only assume is some kind of dart.
”Venom,” he says softly.
”You really are a sharp one, aren’t you?” the woman laughs. “Yes, venom. Harvested right from the deadly blues themselves. Now, if you took it straight it would kill you, but these darts have a diluted version that only knocks you out for a bit.”
Jonas frowns. “Must be hard to extract from the source.”
”Oh it is,” the woman replies, “but our people have been doing it for centuries. In the old days, the pure venom was actually used as a method of execution.” She leans forward, twirling the dart between her fingers. “You see, contrary to what you might believe, the venom of a deadly blue doesn’t kill you right away. It takes a little while. First, you get woozy. Then, it paralyzes you. Then, you experience the most excruciating pain you’ve ever felt in your life. Then, your lungs stop working and you can no longer breathe right. Then, you start coughing up blood. It’s only after the coughing that all that agony finally comes to an end.”
Jonas swallows back the bile rising in his throat. “You don’t want us dead, though,” he points out. “You need us alive if you’re going to make a profit.”
”Oh, I know,” the woman says, her eyes twinkling with glee. “I just like a good scary story.”
Jonas lets out a huff. “Any other scary stories you’ve got before you pawn us off to the highest bidder?”
The woman stuffs the dart into a pouch on her belt. “Just one more,” she answers. “A long time ago, it’s said that these islands were ruled by a cruel and vicious king. Anyone who crossed him, anyone who got in his way, anyone who so much as looked at him wrong would be thrown into these caves to die.”
Jonas holds her gaze. “Sounds pretty barbaric.”
”Oh it was,” the woman affirms. “Even now, our people call this place the Labyrinth, because if you get lost in here, you’ll wander around until you either go mad or starve to death. These caves are littered with the bones of poor souls who never found their way out. Many of whom were victims of the king.”
Jonas keeps his face blank, trying not to betray his mounting anxiety. “Is that it? They all died because they got lost?”
The woman shakes her head. “No,” she replies. “You see, the king’s cruelty knew no bounds. It wasn’t enough to toss his enemies in here and let nature do the rest. No, he wanted those he punished to suffer. So he gathered skilled artisans to build traps and place them all around the Labyrinth. If you didn’t die from getting lost, you died because one of the traps got you.”
Jonas inhales. “So what’s the moral of the story?”
”The moral,” the woman hisses, her expression growing cold, “is that if on the off chance you still think you can make a run for it, don’t bother. If the caves themselves don’t kill you, one of those old traps will. Your only way of making it out of here alive is to stick with us until we transport you off the island.”
Jonas grits his teeth. “Good to know.”
The woman’s face breaks into another unsettling smile. “Glad we have an understanding,” she says, rising to her feet. “Now, I’ll leave you two lovebirds to catch up while I go check on my crew. I trust you won’t be going anywhere?”
Jonas keeps his mouth shut.
”Good,” the woman chuckles, taking his silence as assent. “And don’t you worry. You won’t be stuck down here much longer. We’ll be moving you out soon enough.”
”I’m sorry.”
Sam sighs. It’s been some time since their captor left them, and most of her dizziness has subsided by now. “It’s not your fault, Jonas,” she whispers. “You couldn’t have known they were spying on us.”
”Still - “
”Stop,” she interrupts. “This is not your fault, okay?”
He nods, but she can tell by the wounded look in his eyes that he’s still silently blaming himself. “We have to get out of here, Sam.”
“You heard that woman,” she says. “There’s no point. We’ll just get lost. Our best bet is to wait to make our escape until they bring us back outside.”
Jonas shakes his head. “We can’t wait,” he argues. “For all we know they’ll drug us again, and the next time we wake up we’ll already be on a ship in the middle of the ocean somewhere. By that time it’ll be too late to make it back to the ‘gate.”
”Maybe Alya, Teal’c, and Cressida already made it out,” Sam counters. “They could come back with reinforcements.” She glances at her boots before continuing. “Besides, if these bandits weren’t planning on making us walk out of here, then why did they leave our feet unbound?”
Jonas looks down at his own boots, his brow creased in thought. “I don’t know,” he murmurs. “But there’s no guarantee that they won’t change their minds later and stick us with a couple of those darts again.”
Sam bites her lip, considering his words. She has to admit he has a point. “So what would you suggest?” she asks. “We don’t have a map, and they’ve got eyes on us.”
Jonas surveys the group of bandits milling about by the stream. The woman is there, talking with a younger woman and a younger man. Another, slightly older man is perched on a boulder nearby. He’s stolen one of their guns and has it pointed straight at them.
”The stream,” Jonas says quietly. “It empties into a tunnel at the end of the cavern, see? It has to lead outside somewhere. If we can create some kind of diversion, then maybe we can follow it all the way out.”
Sam sweeps her gaze around the cavern. “Create a diversion with what?”
”I’m not sure,” he whispers.
Sam bites back another sigh. She doesn’t like the look of the man with the gun. She knows the bandits need them alive, but that doesn’t mean he won’t at least try to injure them if they attempt to escape. “We need to get rid of him,” she says, tilting her chin at the man.
Jonas nods. “Yeah,” he agrees. “Question is, how?”
Sam looks around again. With their hands bound, there’s not much that they can do. Her heart begins to sink, but then she catches sight of a cluster of stalagmites next to where the gunman is sitting. A few loose rocks lie on the ground next to them, and hanging just in front of it is a cracked stalactite swarming with blue worms.
”Sam?” Jonas asks, having noticed the change in her demeanor.
Sam takes a breath. “You see that group of stalagmites near the gunman?”
”Yeah,” he answers.
”That stalactite above it. There’s a pretty big crack in it.”
Jonas’ eyes dart to the stalactite and then to the gunman. Thankfully, the man seems momentarily preoccupied with inspecting his new weapon. “What are you thinking?” he whispers.
”There’s a bunch of rocks sitting there,” Sam continues. “I think if I ask to…relieve myself…I can hide behind the stalagmites. That bandit will want to stand close to keep guard, so if I can grab one of those rocks and throw it at the stalactite - “
”It’ll come loose and land right on top of him.”
Sam nods. “If that stalactite is unstable enough, I think it could work.”
”What about the others, though?” Jonas asks, eyeing the woman and her companions. “I’m guessing our warden isn’t the only one who stole one of our guns. Plus, they still have those darts.”
Sam frowns, thinking. “There’s a hell of a lot of worms up there,” she says. “I’m hoping that if they’re disturbed they might scatter. Cause just enough chaos to give us time to get out.”
Jonas takes a breath. “That still doesn’t give us much of a chance,” he sighs. “But I guess it’s the only one we’ve got.”
Sam glances over at him. “He’ll have to untie me to let me do my business,” she points out. “That’ll give us an advantage in case one of the others tries to grab us.”
Jonas meets her eyes. “And the worms? What if they scatter towards you?”
”I’ll just have to be fast,” she replies. “I’ll signal you to run and then head for the tunnel.”
Jonas is silent for a moment, holding her gaze. His face is tight with both fear and determination. “Okay,” he says at last. “Let’s do it.”
Sam moves her hands behind her back and brushes her fingers against his. “This will work,” she whispers. “Trust me.”
”I do,” he whispers back.
Before she can stop to think, she leans forward and presses a kiss to his cheek.
”What was - “
”For good luck,” she interrupts.
She doesn’t give either of them time to process that before turning her head and signaling the gunman. “Hey!” she calls, her voice echoing across the cavern. “I need to take a leak.”
The gunman stands up and lumbers over to her. He’s taller than he looked on the boulder, sporting broad shoulders and muscled arms beneath a worn buckled vest. “You’re gonna have to hold it,” he growls.
Sam looks him dead in the eyes - or eye, since the left one is covered with a patch. “I can’t,” she insists, unable to help the bitterness in her voice. “Do you want your merchandise to piss her pants?”
She hears Jonas choke back a snicker.
The gunman glares at Jonas before returning his attention to her. “Boss!” he yells. “The blonde one says she needs to take a leak.”
”Yeah, I heard,” the woman replies. “Let her go. I don’t want either of them soiling themselves before we hand them off.”
The gunman leans down and yanks Sam up by her arm. She aims one last glance at Jonas before she’s dragged away. “Over there?” she asks, tilting her head at the cluster of stalagmites.
”Fine,” the gunman grunts, steering her in that direction. When they finally approach, he shoves her ahead of him.
Sam turns around and wiggles her arms. “Can’t really do much if I can’t unbuckle my belt.”
The gunman rolls his eye and pulls a knife from his own belt. He then leans in close, so close that Sam can feel his breath on her face. The smell - one part alcohol and one part something awful she can’t identify - nearly makes her gag.
“If you try anything,” he hisses, stroking her cheek with the flat of his blade, “your boyfriend might just get a nasty scar on that pretty little face of his.”
Sam shivers as the metal caresses her skin. “Won’t that lower the price?” she says coldly.
”Not if he’s a laborer,” the gunman sneers. “Nobody’ll care what he looks like as long as he can work.”
Sam swallows. “Fine,” she mutters. “I won’t try anything.”
The gunman flashes her a wicked grin, displaying a row of crooked teeth. “Good girl,” he croons, reaching around her and cutting her ties loose. It takes all of her strength not to punch him in the nose. “Now hurry up.”
Sam rubs her wrists and rounds the cluster of stalagmites. To her relief, there are even more loose rocks scattered on the other side. She peeks over the top of the stone spires and is relieved to see that the gunman has turned around and is now facing away from her. She fiddles with her belt buckle to keep up the ruse, then grabs the largest rock she can find. She glances up at the stalactite overhead. She can see the crack more clearly now, peeking through the shifting sea of glowworms. All she has to do is aim the rock just right -
”Oi!” the gunman snaps. “You finished yet?”
”Sorry,” Sam pretends to splutter. “My hands are a bit shaky from the venom dart.”
The gunman sighs. “Well move it along,” he grunts.
I’ll move it along, all right, she thinks. And with that, she takes a deep breath, pulls her arm back, and hurls the rock at the ceiling.
It doesn’t take long before the cave descends into chaos.
Jonas watches with bated breath as Sam disappears behind the stalagmites. At first, nothing happens. But then he hears a loud thunk, followed by a horrible cracking sound, followed then by the gunman whipping his head around and letting out a strangled yelp. He jumps out of the path of the stalactite as it plummets towards him. But he doesn’t have enough time to run before it crashes to the ground, releasing a hissing swarm of very angry glowworms that immediately pounce on their closest target.
”Jonas, now!” Sam shrieks.
But Jonas is already on his feet, sprinting towards the stream. The gunman’s agonized screams echo across the cavern as a glowing blue wave surges over him and skitters towards other bandits. Sam is just ahead, splashing through the stream in the opposite direction. Jonas gives the worms a wide berth as he runs to catch up with her, hearing the terrified shouts of the remaining bandits cut through the air behind him.
It worked! he thinks as he nears the stream. It actually worked. We’re going to make i -
”Jonas!” Sam cries as a bullet whizzes past his ear. He spins around just in time to see the grey-haired woman aiming a pistol at him. Without stopping to think, he dives behind a nearby boulder. The next bullet ricochets off the rock and lands in the water.
Jonas’ elation is instantly swallowed up by a storm of panic. He glances across the stream, frantically searching for any sign of Sam. But she’s disappeared, most likely hiding behind another rock.
”That was very stupid of you,” the woman growls. Jonas can hear her splashing closer. “I told you there was no point in trying to escape.”
Jonas swallows hard and presses his body up against the boulder. The other bandits are still screaming in the distance.
”I’d prefer it if I could make a profit off of both of you,” the woman continues, her voice cold. “But even one outworlder will still fetch a good enough price.”
Jonas holds his breath. The woman splashes even closer. She pauses a moment to listen for any movement.
Finally, she gives up. “If you don’t come out now,” she snarls, stopping just beside where Jonas is hiding, “then mark my words, one of you is going to die!”
BANG!
The gun goes off again, but this time, the bullet whizzes up towards the ceiling. Confused, Jonas peers around the side of the rock and is met with the sight of Sam tackling the woman into the water. The gun clatters onto the opposite bank. The woman struggles in Sam’s grasp, clawing her way towards the weapon. Jonas cries out and rushes towards it. But the woman grabs his ankle as he passes, causing him to stumble and collapse facedown in the stream. He inhales a breath of water before pitching sideways and rolling over onto his back. He comes to, coughing and spluttering, just in time to see the woman clamp her teeth down on Sam’s hand. Sam howls in pain and jerks back, giving the woman the opening she needs to shove her aside and pull free.
Jonas cries out again as the woman staggers towards the shore. He kicks his legs wildly in an attempt to right himself, cursing the fact that his hands are still bound behind his back. The gun, the gun, he needs to stop her from getting the gun - but just as he’s able to bring his knees up underneath him, the woman lunges.
All at once, it feels as if time has stopped. Jonas, still struggling in the water, watches in horror as the woman finally grabs the weapon. Her hand curls around its grip. Then, in one swift movement, she whirls back around and aims the barrel straight at Sam’s head.
”NO!” Jonas screams.
He launches himself upward, and in the split second before he falls, the air around him explodes.
Notes:
YES I'M SORRY for that cliffhanger but I'm mean and I had to 🤣
The title of this chapter is taken from the song "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie.
"Xenosh" is a word I made up as a native Asterion term, but it's based off the word "xenos" which is Greek for "stranger." On that note, the story of the king and the Labyrinth is based off the myth of Theseus and the Minotaur. As mentioned in an earlier fic, Asterion was the King of Crete and the stepfather of Minos, the later king responsible for sacrificing victims to the minotaur.
I really enjoyed finally getting the chance to write Sam and Jonas brainstorming together, since that's one of the things I love about their friendship. We didn't get nearly enough of it in canon so I was happy to include a scene of them plotting their escape. It also gave me the opportunity to showcase Sam using that big brain of hers, which is always fun to see.
Chapter 8: like a river, always running (i keep losing you)
Notes:
Hello! Apologies again for the huge cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter, I couldn't help myself 😆 Anyway, I don't have much to say to introduce this chapter, except to reiterate that this is going to be a rollercoaster. As always, thank you for following along with this story! I really appreciate it ❤️
CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER
-violence
-strong language
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
”NO!”
BANG!
Sam barely has time to register what’s happening before Jonas’ body slams into her and knocks her to the ground. She winces in pain as her head grazes the edge of a rock. For a moment the world spins around her, but she quickly regains awareness when she hears an inhuman shriek cut through the air. She blinks, suddenly taking notice of everything all at once.
She’s lying halfway in the stream, with Jonas’ body sprawled atop her legs. The grey-haired woman is sitting on the opposite bank, pointing a gun at them. In a flash, Sam realizes what must have happened. The woman tried to shoot her, and Jonas knocked her out of the way just in time.
The woman rises to her feet, her face twisting in rage. She begins to advance on them, this time aiming the gun at Jonas. Sam moves to yank him aside, but the woman pulls the trigger before Sam can grab a hold of him.
Click.
Relief floods through Sam’s body when she realizes that the gun has run out of bullets. The woman pulls on the trigger again. And then again, and again, and again. When at last she’s convinced the gun is empty, she lets out another shriek and charges towards them.
Sam bolts upright and seizes Jonas’ shoulders. She begins to drag him away from the water, but the woman is too fast and pounces on him, swinging the gun at his head. He dodges the attack just as Sam leaps up and grabs the woman’s arm. They wrestle violently, tumbling back into the stream. At first Sam gains the upper hand, but then the woman finds an opening and knees her in the stomach. Sam doubles over, gasping for air. The woman then knocks her down, clutches her neck, and shoves her head into the water.
Sam thrashes against the woman’s grip, desperately trying to grab her assailant and toss her aside. But the woman’s knee digs into her back, forcing her body down deeper into the stream. Sam’s lungs start to burn as her nose fills with water and silt. She sees stars swimming in her vision. If she can’t get free soon, she’s going to drown in this godforsaken cave. Jonas’ vision will have come true - although not quite exactly as he saw it - and oh god, oh god the water is freezing and she can’t fucking breathe and this is it, this is it, she’s going to die -
Sam hears a muffled howl from somewhere above her, and all of a sudden the pressure on her body releases. She vaults upward, choking and gasping as she rolls onto her side. The water clears from her eyes just in time for her to see Jonas ram his knee into the woman’s gut, sending her careening towards the bank. The woman stumbles backward, throwing her arms out in front of her as her body begins to sway. For one terrifying moment Sam thinks she isn’t going to fall. But then she loses her balance and crashes to the ground, her head slamming against a rock before her body goes limp in a pool of her own blood.
Sam blinks in shock, her chest heaving. Jonas is standing above her now, staring down at the woman’s lifeless figure. He then turns to Sam and drops to his knees, the stream’s cold current rippling around his already soaked fatigues.
He leans towards her, and she grabs his shoulders and pulls herself up into a sitting position. His face is frozen in a picture of both terror and relief. He starts moving his mouth as if to speak, but no matter how hard he tries, he can’t seem to make a sound.
Sam pats him down, checking for injuries. Her hands have landed on his cheeks when she suddenly remembers that his arms are still tied behind his back. “We have to cut you free,” she croaks, drawing back and gripping his shoulders again.
She hauls Jonas to his feet and turns around to scan the area. The screams of the other bandits have tapered off into an eerie silence by now, broken only by the gurgle of the stream and the squelching of the blue worms. The bodies of their victims lie motionless by water, while the creatures in question are now crawling away towards a stone pillar in the center of the cavern. Several of them have already begun inching their way upward, no doubt looking to nest closer to the ceiling.
Determining that it’s finally safe to approach, Sam heads towards the body of the first gunman. She fights the urge to gag when she sees the full extent of his condition. His skin is milky white, peppered by little red welts that Sam can only assume are the result of hundreds of worm bites. His one eye gazes emptily up at the ceiling. A spiderweb of purple veins fans out across his face and down his neck and arms, and a trail of blood trickles down from his mouth to the tip of his chin.
Sam bends over, closes the man’s remaining eye, and then takes his knife from his belt. She beckons to Jonas, who holds out his hands behind him so she can cut his bonds. Once he’s free, he rubs his wrists, turns around, and throws his arms around her, pulling her into a crushing hug.
Sam immediately returns the gesture, holding Jonas as close she can and clutching the back of his jacket. His arms tighten around her, and she closes her eyes, resting her chin on his shoulder. She can feel his heartbeat pounding in the midst of their embrace.
Jonas buries his face in her neck. “Are you okay?” he asks softly, his lips brushing her skin. His voice sounds hoarse, as if he’s trying not to cry.
Sam pulls back to look him in the eye. Despite their shared exhaustion, she’s struck by the sudden urge to kiss him senseless, if for no other reason than to convince herself that they’re both really alive. If she can hold him and touch him and feel his breath and his body melding with hers, then that means this isn’t a fever dream and that they actually managed to survive.
Instead, she leans her forehead against his and lifts her hands to his neck. “I’m okay,” she whispers, splaying her fingers across his jaw. “Are you okay?”
He nods, his nose nudging hers. “Yeah,” he answers. “I’m all right.”
They remain like that for a moment, just holding each other. Then Sam pulls back again, only to see Jonas’ brow creased in concern.
”What is it?” she asks.
”You’re bleeding,” he murmurs.
Sam lifts a hand to her forehead. Her fingers come away stained with blood. The cut must be from when he knocked her out of the way of the gun. “Is it bad?”
Jonas shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”
”Then we can patch it up later,” she says. “Let’s gather what we can and get out of here first.”
Sam pockets the gunman’s knife, holsters his gun, and makes her way over to the other two bandits, Jonas in tow. They find a couple of saddlebags there, each filled with some survival supplies, extra clothes, food rations, and local currency they have no use for. They retrieve more weapons from the other victims - another gun, two more knives, and a collapsible blowdart.
”I think we should change,” Jonas remarks.
Sam looks up at him. “What?”
He gestures at their soaked clothing. “Hypothermia,” he explains.
He does have a point. Sam pulls the clothing items out of the younger woman’s bag. She isn’t sure if they’ll fit, but it’s worth a shot. “I’ll be over there,” she says, nodding her head at a nearby stalagmite.
She retreats behind the rock, first yanking off her boots and changing her pants. Thankfully, the bandit’s black trousers fit well enough, although they’re a bit short. She shrugs off her jacket next, but it’s when she moves to pull her shirt over her head that she runs into a problem.
She can’t lift her arms all the way without a sharp pain shooting across her shoulders. Damn. She must’ve gotten hurt somehow during the fight in the stream.
“Jonas?” she calls out.
”Yeah? You okay?”
”I, uh, need help with my shirt.”
Jonas is silent for a moment, and she wonders if she needs to repeat herself. But then he peeks around the edge of the stalagmite. “What happened?” he asks, his face twisted with worry.
”I’m okay,” she reassures him. “I just might’ve sprained something.”
”Oh,” he says, kneeling beside her. He’s already changed into his new set of clothes. “Can I - “
”Yeah.”
He reaches for the hem of her shirt and slowly lifts it up, his fingers brushing against her sides. He helps her bend forward so she doesn’t have to raise her arms too far, then gently tugs the shirt over her head.
Sam shivers as the cool air hits her skin. “Thanks,” she says softly.
Jonas smiles. “Don’t mention it,” he murmurs. “Here.”
He helps her pull on the new shirt and fasten a vest over top of it.
”Thanks,” she says again, reaching for her boots. She manages a small grin. “You don’t look half bad.”
Jonas glances down at the similar ensemble he’s wearing and snorts. “They’re kind of big on me.”
”Better that than too tight.”
He shrugs. “I guess so. At least they’re dry.”
They stuff their wet clothes into their bags, double-check for any more supplies, then head back towards the stream. Jonas stops by the older woman’s body to grab her gun and the pouch carrying the venom darts.
”Hopefully we won’t have a reason to use these,” he says, “ but it can’t hurt to have them handy. You know, in case we run into that other group of bandits.”
Sam nods. “Good idea,” she agrees.
”That’s assuming Cam, Celia, and Stella haven’t escaped too,” Jonas continues.
”I hope they have,” Sam says. “There’s no guarantee we’ll cross paths before we get out of here, and I don’t know how long these bandits were planning on keeping us here before handing us off to their buyers.”
”Yeah,” Jonas murmurs.
They follow the stream into the tunnel, lighting their way with the glow rods they found in their bags. More clusters of worms cast a faint blue glow over their surroundings, adding to the light. The tunnel, thankfully, is wider than expected, giving them more than enough room to walk side by side on the far bank of the stream. They continue on for a little while before deciding to rest in a small alcove.
”Can I take a look at that now?” Jonas asks, pointing at the cut on Sam’s forehead.
Sam nods. “Yeah, okay.”
Jonas rummages through his bag and pulls out a clean cloth and what looks like some bandages and a salve. He runs to the stream to wet the cloth, then returns and sets to work tending to Sam’s wound. He gently brushes her bangs aside, letting his fingers trail down to the side of her face.
”Can you turn your head a bit?”
Sam does as he asks, wincing a little when he starts dabbing at the cut. “How does it look?”
Jonas continues wiping the blood away. “It’s not too deep,” he says. “Hopefully that salve will help.”
He reaches for the salve, his free hand still cradling her face. His thumb absentmindedly strokes her chin, and she shivers when it traces the edge of her bottom lip. She’s reminded suddenly of that moment on the cliff before the bandits attacked, when he promised her that she would live a long and happy life. It hits her then, just how close she came to dying. If Jonas hadn’t knocked her out of the way of the gunshot, if he hadn’t saved her before that woman had the chance to drown her -
”Thank you,” she whispers, turning her head a little more so that her lips brush against his fingers. “For what you did back there.”
Jonas pauses. “I should be thanking you,” he murmurs, running his index finger across the outline of her upper lip. “I’d be dead if it wasn’t for you attacking her.”
Sam turns back to look at him. His eyes are soft in the dim blue light. Yet again, she wants more than anything to lean forward and kiss him. “Let’s just call it even?” she says, holding his gaze.
Jonas nods. “Okay.”
Sam smiles at him, covering his hand with her own. She laces her fingers with his and lowers their joined hands to her chest. His fingers flatten against her collarbone. “I should wrap up your hand too,” he says, nodding at the bite mark the woman left there. “Does it still hurt?”
Sam shakes her head before letting him continue tending to the cut. “It’s a little sore, but otherwise it’s fine.”
Jonas applies a bandage to Sam’s head before gently taking her hand and repeating the process with the bite mark. Once she’s all patched up, he pulls back, still holding onto her fingers. “How do you feel?” he asks.
”As good as I can be,” she replies. “Thank you.”
He strokes the back of her knuckles a few times before finally releasing her hand. “I’m starving,” he says. “You?”
Sam chuckles. Of course he’s thinking about food. “I could go for a snack.”
They spend the next few minutes taste-testing the rations in their packs, which seem to be nothing more than the Asterion version of power bars. They’re not particularly appetizing, but they’re better than nothing.
When they’re finished eating, Sam leans her head against the alcove wall, a wave of exhaustion overtaking her. She knows they need to keep going, but her muscles are screaming in protest. All she wants to do is sleep.
”We can take a few more minutes,” Jonas murmurs, reaching for her hand again. “You went through a lot back there.”
Sam nods, and after a moment’s consideration, rests her head on Jonas’ shoulder. He turns and buries his nose in her hair. Sam lets her eyes slip closed, basking in the comfort of his touch. She’s about to drift off a little when a sudden thought springs to mind. She opens her eyes again.
”Jonas?”
Jonas’ lips brush against her forehead. “Yeah?”
She takes a deep breath. “When that woman tried to shoot me,” she starts, “was that what you saw in your vision?”
Sam hears him inhale sharply before answering. “I’m not sure,” he admits. “I saw us in a cave and you getting shot with something, but I don’t think I saw any other people there. At least not that I can remember.”
She’s quiet for a moment, thinking. Then - “Is it possible you just missed that detail? I mean, your visions aren’t always complete.”
Jonas sighs. “Maybe,” he murmurs.
Sam pulls back to look him in the eye. “So it could be over already,” she says. “That might’ve been it.”
Jonas holds her gaze before answering. “I guess so.”
She squeezes his hand, desperately wanting to believe her theory. “Then you did it. You saved me.”
He doesn’t look entirely convinced, but he squeezes her hand back anyway. “I hope you’re right,” he whispers. “I hope it’s finally over.”
Jonas is still holding her hand when they decide to get moving again. Sam finds that she doesn’t want him to let go. The contact, however minimal, makes her feel safer somehow. They’ll be all right as long as she can feel him there with her.
They continue down the tunnel for some time until they reach a fork in the stream. “Which way?” Sam asks, looking back and forth between each option.
Jonas frowns. “Theoretically, they’d both lead outside, so it shouldn’t matter.”
Sam glances at him. “But?”
“But,” he sighs, “there’s no telling which one goes on for a longer distance.”
Sam holds up a hand, feeling the air in front of each entrance. “I can sort of feel a breeze coming from over here,” she says, indicating the left tunnel.
”Then we’ll go that way,” Jonas replies.
At first their trek proceeds much like it did before. While not as large as the main tunnel, this one is still wide enough for them to walk comfortably beside each other. But as they go on, the ground begins sloping upward, leading them onto a cliff-like path that rises some distance above the water. The stream itself expands to the size of a small river.
Eventually the cliff path narrows, making it so they have to walk in single file. Jonas lets Sam take the lead while he hovers protectively behind her.
”I’m fine,” she reassures him, carefully picking her way around a cluster of rocks. “You don’t have to - aah!”
Jonas lunges and grabs her by the waist before she slips off the edge of the path. A chunk of rock tumbles down towards the water, leaving a gaping hole where her foot just was.
”You okay?” Jonas asks, pulling flush her against him.
Sam nods, leaning back into his chest. “Yeah,” she gasps. “Thanks.”
Jonas holds her for a beat before letting her go. “Be careful.”
Sam continues forward, taking care to scoot past the hole. The path starts to grow slick with condensation, making it harder to maintain her footing. She braces her hand against the cave wall.
”Take your time,” Jonas says from behind her.
She slows her steps, which works at first. But then her foot comes down on another loose piece of rock, this one much larger than the last. The ground falls away from her, and before she can even register what’s happening, she feels herself plummeting down towards the river.
”Sam!” Jonas shrieks.
Her body hits the water just as she opens her mouth to scream. The river rushes in, causing her to choke as she struggles to keep her head above the surface.
”Jonas!” she cries, swallowing another mouthful of water. “Jona - “
The current drags her under, and everything goes black.
Notes:
Yeah I know, I know, ANOTHER cliffhanger 😆 When I said this was going to be a rollercoaster I wasn't kidding lol
The title of this chapter is taken from the lyrics of "Find Me" by Sigma ft. Birdy (I'm partial to the acoustic version). I chose it in reference to the final scene.
I went back and forth on whether I wanted Sam to patch up Jonas' injury or Jonas to patch up Sam's injury, but I ended up settling on the latter because like I mentioned in an earlier chapter, I like the idea of him taking care of her when she's hurt. Especially since in canon he's the one always getting beat up 😆 Don't worry, there will be more protective Sam coming up - right now it's just her turn to get knocked around for a bit. This is an equal opportunity whump scenario 😆
Chapter 9: i’m lost but found with you (in a bed that we’ll never make)
Notes:
Hello again! Thanks for bearing with all these cliffhangers - I know I'm cruel but I'm a sucker for them 😂 Anyway, as always I appreciate your support, it means so much ❤️ Enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
He jumps in without a second thought.
The current is stronger than it looks, and the minute Jonas plunges into the river, it snags at his clothes and sweeps him beneath the surface. He flails for a moment before he’s able to right himself and pop his head above the water.
”Sam!” he cries. “Sam!”
He’s met with nothing but the echo of the river rushing through the tunnel. Jonas pushes down an inevitable wave of panic and takes a few deep breaths. He’s going to find her. He has to.
He dives back under and starts searching, wincing as stray bits of silt sting his eyes. The visibility is terrible, but he squints as hard as he can, desperately trying to see through the muck. At first his scan of the area yields nothing, but just when he’s about to give up and resurface for another breath, he catches sight of what looks like a shock of blonde hair.
Holding his breath for just a little while longer, Jonas propels himself forward and reaches for the hazy figure ahead of him. Sam’s body is listless, sinking quickly towards the bottom of the river. Once again fighting against panic, he maneuvers himself behind her, slips his arms underneath her shoulders, and hauls her up to the surface.
Jonas gulps in a breath, secures Sam with one arm, and starts swimming towards the riverbank with the other. His legs kick furiously against the current. The water is moving so fast now that he’s terrified they won’t make it to shore before it’s too late.
Please, he begs no one in particular. Please, we have to make it.
Maybe some invisible force hears his plea, because just as the river rounds a bend in the tunnel, the current pushes him and Sam closer to the bank. Jonas spies a flat stretch of land coming up ahead, and he kicks towards it with renewed fervor as the roar of the water echoes all around him. Just when he fears that they might miss their chance, his feet hit the bottom of the river as it slopes up into the shallows. He heaves Sam forward with all his might, stumbling up onto the bank before collapsing to the ground.
Jonas only takes a second to rest before turning his attention to Sam. She’s pale, cold, and still - too still - and the sight of her lying there motionless spurs him into action. “Sam,” he gasps, shaking her shoulders. “Sam, wake up.”
When she doesn’t respond, he checks her pulse. It’s so faint that he can barely feel it, and it’s then that the panic finally sets in. “Sam,” he chokes, tears clouding his vision. “Shit, Sam, come on!”
He slaps her face, once again receiving no response, and then desperation takes over. He grabs at her vest and rips it open, aiming to start chest compressions. But the moment he presses his hands to her ribs, Sam suddenly jolts to life. Her eyes snap open and she pitches onto her side, coughing up water and gasping for air.
Jonas lets out a cry of relief and gathers her into his arms, pulling her against him as she scrambles to grab a hold of him. “It’s okay, you’re okay,” he sobs as her hands, icy and trembling, clutch at his shirt.
Her head falls onto his shoulder while she gulps in more air. Jonas rocks her in his arms, stroking her face in a soothing motion. He’s crying now, no longer able to keep his emotions reined in. Sam, still clinging to him, starts to cry too.
”Jonas,” she rasps, tears streaming down her face.
“Shh, you’re okay,” Jonas repeats, holding her closer. Throwing all caution to the wind, he leans down and kisses her temple and then her hair and then the bridge of her nose, before lingering there and resting his forehead against hers. “I’m here. You’re okay.”
They remain like that for awhile, just crying and breathing together, until Sam’s body relaxes and she releases her grip on Jonas’ shirt. “Where are we?” she asks.
Jonas lifts his head to look around. They’re in yet another cavern, lit overhead by more clusters of blue worms. Another tunnel branches off into the distance, leading away from the river. “I’m not sure,” he says.
Sam smiles weakly up at him. “So much for staying dry,” she quips, her lips quivering as she speaks.
Jonas eyes her with concern. Her whole body is shaking now and her mouth is turning blue. “We have to warm up,” he says, rubbing her arm.
Sam coughs. “How?”
Jonas rises to his feet, lifting her up in his arms and carrying her away from the water’s edge. He sets her down on a bed of moss near the mouth of the new tunnel, making sure to prop her up against a nearby boulder.
”I’ve still got my bag,” he says, noticing the strap that’s miraculously still slung across his shoulder.
Sam glances at the hip where her bag should be hanging. “I guess I lost mine when I fell in,” she remarks.
Jonas lifts his bag off his shoulder and sits down beside her. “I doubt mine will do us any good,” he mutters. “Everything inside is probably soaked through.”
To his surprise, however, his assumption turns out to be false. When he opens the flap and begins emptying out the contents, he finds that the items are, at worst, only slightly damp. “Huh,” he muses, sorting through the mess. “This material must be waterproof.”
”That’s lucky,” Sam says. “Anything we can use to light a fire?”
Jonas picks up a brown paper package that looks like a small bag of flour. “I can’t translate all the writing on the label,” he replies, “but I think it says something about heat.”
”A heating pad?” Sam suggests.
He glances at her. “Maybe.”
There’s two more packages like it, which Jonas inspects before returning his attention to the first package and shaking it. When nothing happens, he squeezes it, then tries bending it. “I’m not sure how it’s supposed to work,” he sighs.
”What’s that?” Sam asks, pointing to a small silver cylinder.
Jonas sets the package down and grabs the cylinder. There’s a button on the side, which he decides to push. A cap pops open at the top, allowing a tiny flame to flicker to life. “It’s a lighter,” he answers, holding it up for Sam to see. “Dunno what we can light with it, though.”
Sam nods at the packages. “Maybe you’re supposed to light those,” she says. “You know, in place of firewood.”
Jonas flicks the lighter closed. “You might be onto something,” he remarks. “I can give it a try, but first you need to get out of those clothes.”
As if on cue, a shudder ripples through Sam’s body. She wraps her arms around herself in an attempt to keep warm. “Are your fatigues dried out from the stream yet?”
Jonas turns around and reaches for the clothes in question. “No,” he mutters. “But there’s a blanket here that’s mostly dry. That should help for awhile.”
He picks up the blanket, unfolds it, and drapes it over Sam’s body. “Do you need help changing again?”
Sam shakes her head. “I’ll manage,” she says. “What about you?”
Jonas looks down at his equally soaked outfit. He’s shivering too, although he’s doing his best to combat it. “I’ll, uh, figure it out,” he replies. “Lemme get started on this fire first.”
While Sam changes out of her wet clothes, he sets to work collecting loose rocks and arranging them in the shape of a fire pit. Once finished, he places one of the packages in the middle and flicks the lighter back on. “Well, here goes,” he says, lowering the flame to the paper.
To his relief, the package immediately ignites, the flames blossoming into a decently-sized campfire. “Huh, I was right,” Sam mumbles from behind him.
Jonas flashes her a smile. “Of course you were,” he says, making his way back over to her. “I’ll lay these out to dry.”
He gathers up her discarded clothing and places the items closer to the fire, then repeats the process with his fatigues. He turns back to Sam when he’s done. “I guess, um…” he gestures to his current outfit, suddenly feeling self-conscious.
Sam pulls the blanket up to her chin. “Body heat,” she says simply.
He doesn’t need to hear any more to know what she’s implying.
Under normal circumstances, he’d probably politely decline, but these aren’t normal circumstances, and their very survival is hinging on what happens next. So, without pausing to allow himself the luxury of embarrassment, Jonas strips off his sodden clothing, lays it out next Sam’s, then crawls under the blanket beside her.
He’s met with a burst of warmth. The moss beneath them is spongy and a bit cool, but the blanket’s cocoon is a welcome relief from the chill of the river. Sam scoots closer to him, stopping just a hair’s breadth away from him. They’re both clothed in nothing but undergarments now, and their close proximity makes his entire body flush.
“You good?” Sam asks, her voice soft.
Jonas nods. “We should, um - “
”Oh.” She blushes. “Right.”
Sam turns her back to him, allowing him to wrap his arm around her waist and pull her against his chest. The minute her skin makes contact with his, an electric jolt shoots through his body, making his limbs tingle and his stomach flare with heat. She relaxes into his embrace, laying her arm atop his and lacing her fingers with his own.
”Thank you,” she whispers. “For saving me in the river.”
Jonas tucks his chin into the curve between her shoulder and her neck. “Don’t mention it,” he murmurs. “I did what I had to.”
She settles into him further, sending more tingles fanning out across his body. God, her skin is so soft that it makes him ache with longing, longing to do more than just huddle together for warmth. Knowing that he shouldn’t, but choosing to do so anyway, he turns his head and nuzzles her neck, breathing her in and soaking in the thrum of her pulse. The steady rhythm soothes him, every beat a tangible reminder that she’s still breathing, still alive.
All of a sudden, his relief overwhelms him, and before he can stop himself, he presses a kiss to her throat.
Sam’s breath catches when Jonas’ lips touch her neck. At first she freezes, the old instinct to run kicking in. But then another, more potent impulse kicks in - one that’s tired of running, tired of keeping her distance. It’s probably just exhaustion from having almost died twice in the same day, but when his mouth starts to move, she doesn’t try to stop him.
Instead, she tilts her head, making it easier for him to trail kisses down from her neck to her shoulder. His hand, still laced with hers, moves across her stomach, his fingers brushing against her ribs.
Her heart starts to hammer in her chest when the trail of kisses travels across her shoulder blade, back up her neck, and underneath her jaw. Sam tilts her head again, this time angling her body slightly towards him so that his lips can drift back down and find their way to her collarbone. When they at last land there, she lets out a sigh and gives in, turning in his arms to face him.
Her forehead meets his as she lays her hands on his chest. They gaze at each other, neither one willing to shatter the moment with words. They could stop here, she knows. Pull away and go back to simply sharing their warmth for survival. But the look in his eyes says one thing and one thing only - three words both of them have harbored inside for some time now, but are too terrified to speak aloud.
She kisses him before she has the chance to change her mind.
Jonas yields to her immediately, parting his lips and rolling onto his back, his arms circling around her and holding her against him. Sam’s hands slide over his chest and up his neck, eventually coming up to cradle his face. She shudders when he breathes her name into her mouth. It’s both a sigh of relief and a desperate plea to know that she’s alive and that this isn’t a dream, so she meets it by threading her fingers through his hair and peppering soft kisses all over his face, down his throat, and across his shoulder. He runs his fingers along the edge of her spine, one hand reaching up to weave itself in her hair, the other coming to rest on the small of her back. He turns his head to kiss the space behind her ear before she moves her lips back to his face, pressing them against his jawline before joining her mouth with his again. His last breath is another gasp of her name as they once more sink into each other.
Her body is aching now, with want - no, need - and all the things left unspoken between them. She doesn’t know what will happen when they finally break apart - whether they’ll actually put words to the heated touches this time, or return to the weighted silence of denial. But in this moment, all that seems to matter is their breath and their bodies weaving into one knot, every kiss and and every touch tying them more tightly together until the bond is so strong that perhaps not even death could break it.
When they pull away, her heart is pounding and her breathing ragged. Jonas is gazing up at her with a mixture of desire and adoration, which makes her want to neglect her need for air and melt back into him. “Sam,” he breathes, as if her name is a revelation of something new, something precious to be cherished.
Sam presses a line of kisses down the bridge of his nose before lowering her lips to his again. She lingers there a moment, the taste of him feeling like safety, like home. There’s so much she wants to say, so much she should say, but for some reason she can’t bring herself to speak. Every word that needs to be said lodges in her throat, halted by some unnamed fear. It’s a fear she knows once let O’Neill slip through her fingers, led her into Pete’s arms even though she knew she should’ve turned tail and ran, and still, even now, takes the shape of a man long dead in her dreams.
She pulls back, blinking away tears. “Sam?” Jonas says again, and this time it’s a question. A question of what they are, what this is, and where they’re supposed to go from here.
She has no idea how to answer.
Jonas reaches up to caress her face. His thumb lands on her lips, sweeping across them so gently that she can’t help but sigh into his touch. She expects him to say something profound - maybe an apology for letting this go too far, or maybe an admission of something she’s too scared to say herself. But instead of saying any of those things, he simply whispers, “Are you warm yet?” in a voice so small it makes her heart ache.
Sam nods. “Yeah,” she says softly.
”Do you want to rest a bit?” Jonas asks.
She nods again, blinking back more tears. Why does it feel like the world is suddenly breaking, caving in beneath her and swallowing her whole?
Why does this feel worse than Florida?
Jonas wraps his arms around her again and draws her into his chest. She settles against him, tucking her head into the crook of his neck. “I’ll wake you,” he murmurs, his fingers stroking her hair.
Reluctantly, Sam lets her eyes slip closed. “Okay,” she whispers.
He holds her until she falls asleep, haunted once again by dreams of what-ifs and too many words left unsaid.
Notes:
The title of this chapter is once again taken from the lyrics of "Another Place" by Bastille. Like I mentioned at the end of Chapter 4, I feel like the song fits the dynamic between Sam and Jonas in this story so well, particularly in the moments where they're clearly expressing how they feel but battling denial at the same time.
I wanted to include at least one sequence in this story that referenced Jonas' super swimming abilities, hence the opening scene in the river.
Contrary to how it might seem, the kiss scene was NOT part of the original plan for this chapter. It just attacked me out of nowhere and demanded to be written 💀 Looking back on it, though, I feel like it needed to happen after everything these two have been through - but of course without actual closure yet. Like I said in the beginning note, I'm cruel 😂
Chapter 10: if love is enough (could you let it show?)
Notes:
Hello again! I'm back with more plot this time, after the romantic angst of the previous chapter. This is a longer one since we're reaching another turning point in the story, so enjoy! Thank you as always for reading and supporting this fic, I really appreciate it ❤️
CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER
-reference to claustrophobia
-strong language
-discussion of child abuse
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Sam wakes to an empty space beside her.
She blinks to clear the sleep from her eyes. Jonas is dressed again, tending to the now dwindling fire. His hair is still mussed from earlier, and her heart starts to ache from the memory of being wrapped in his arms. All she wants right now is to turn back time and live in that moment - maybe not for forever, but at least until she can finally sort out her feelings.
You never know how much time you have left. To say what you want to say. Or to say what you need to.
Dr. Augustine’s voice echoes through her mind, causing a thread of fear to knot in her stomach. He’s right, she knows. There’s no telling what might happen to them in this damn cave, or if they’ll make it out at all. If there’s a right time to be honest, it’s now, or else that now might soon become a never.
So why won’t the words come out?
”Hey,” Jonas says, interrupting her thoughts. “How’d you sleep?”
Sam sits up, clutching the blanket to her chest. “Okay, I guess,” she replies. “How long was I out?”
Jonas shrugs. “Not sure. Hard to tell without anything to keep time.”
Sam nods quietly, not knowing what else to say.
Jonas, thankfully, saves her from having to address the elephant in the room. “Your clothes are dry,” he remarks, scooping up the items in question and bringing them over to her. “You can change now if you want.”
Sam nods again. “Thanks,” she murmurs.
She spends the next few minutes donning her outfit and pulling her boots back on. The fabric is warm from the fire, and she’s grateful for that one small blessing at least. When she’s finished changing, she folds up the blanket and takes it to Jonas. He’s re-packing his saddlebag next to the fire.
”Got room?” she asks.
Jonas smiles - although it doesn’t quite meet his eyes - and takes the blanket from her. “This did us some good, huh?”
Sam blushes. Their brief entanglement isn’t easy to forget, and she’s not even sure she wants to forget it. A not-so-small part of her is still craving the taste of him on her tongue, the heat of his skin touching hers, the sound of her name on his lips. All of him, reaching for her, wanting her, needing everything from her she still won’t allow herself to give -
”Sam?”
Sam coughs. “Uh, yeah, the blanket helped,” she splutters.
If Jonas suspects her train of thought, he doesn’t let on. “We should get moving,” he says, hoisting the bag onto his shoulder. “I don’t know where this tunnel leads, but right now it’s our only way forward.”
Sam glances at the new tunnel ahead of them. “Hopefully it leads outside.”
Jonas rises to his feet. “Yeah,” he agrees, although there’s a note of worry in his voice. “I’m starting to miss daylight.”
He holds out his hand to help her stand. Sam takes it, although the contact only serves to once again remind her of the unspoken words resting between them. Still, she hopes he won’t let go.
A wave of relief sweeps through her when he doesn’t.
Jonas stamps out what remains of the fire, then leads her into the tunnel. They only have one glow rod to light the way now, and unfortunately this tunnel isn’t as populated with blue worms as their previous route. Jonas pulls Sam close enough for their shoulders to brush while they walk.
”Don’t want to lose you in here,” he mumbles, although she doesn’t need the justification. She can feel his body trembling beside her. The near miss in the river must have truly rattled him, and she suspects he isn’t willing to take any chances now.
“I won’t let go,” she murmurs, squeezing his hand. “I promise.”
He flashes her a weary smile and squeezes back. “Thanks,” he whispers. “I was really scared back there, you know.”
She meets his eyes. “I know.”
They continue on for some time until they reach another cavern, this one smaller than the one they left behind. They circle the area, inspecting every inch with the glow rod. They can’t find any openings in the wall.
”Great,” Jonas groans. “A dead end.”
”Maybe not,” Sam says, pointing to some faint markings etched into the rock. “Can you tell what these say?”
Jonas holds the light up to the markings. “I’m not entirely sure,” he replies. “Something about a passageway?”
”So maybe there is a way out.”
He frowns. “Where, though? We checked the whole place. There’s nothing.”
An idea starts to form in her mind. “Maybe nothing we can see. At least not with the naked eye.”
Jonas cocks his head at her. “What do you mean?”
Sam turns to him. “Remember that story the bandit woman told us? About the king and how he built traps down here?”
”Yeah.”
She takes a breath. “Maybe this dead end is one of them. Or, if not a trap, a test. There’s a way out, but it’s hidden.”
Jonas’ brow furrows in thought. “So maybe…there’s a release hatch or something somewhere?”
Sam nods. “That’s what I was thinking.”
They start searching, feeling all along the wall for anything of the sort. For awhile, their investigation yields nothing. But then Jonas finds a tiny crevice near the floor, so small it’d be far too easy to miss.
”There’s just enough room here for me to stick my hand in,” he says, glancing at Sam. “Then again, it could just be a decoy and take my hand off.”
Sam’s stomach churns. “I’ll do it,” she blurts out.
Jonas shakes his head. “No. I found it. It should be me.”
She swallows, wanting to protest but knowing that he’ll never back down. “Okay,” she agrees reluctantly. “Be careful.”
He takes a deep breath and slides his arm into the crevice. Thankfully, nothing happens. “I don’t feel anything,” Jonas says, reaching farther in. “Maybe it is a dec - wait.”
Sam leans towards him. “What is it?”
”There’s some kind of latch here. If I can just - “
A sudden click cuts him off, followed by the sound of stone scraping against stone. Sam whirls around to see a slab of rock sliding upward, revealing another, narrower tunnel beyond it.
”You did it!” she cries.
Jonas beams at her and begins pulling his arm out of the crevice. The moment he does so, however, the door starts to slide back down.
”Oh no,” he says, his face falling. “That’s not good.”
Sam tries to ignore the anxious fluttering in her chest and gets up to inspect the tunnel. “Jonas, pull on the latch again.”
He shoots her a look of confusion but obeys. The rock slides up again.
”This isn’t a door,” she calls over her shoulder. “The whole tunnel is rigged. If you let go of the latch, the ceiling starts to collapse until it closes off the entire passageway.”
”Well, that’s even worse,” Jonas mutters. “How are we both supposed to get out?”
Sam waves her hand at him. “Let go of it again. I’m trying to figure something out.”
”Okay.”
Jonas releases the hatch, and Sam watches as the slab of rock once more begins to descend. She peers through to the opening on the other side, which is thankfully lit with a faint blue worm-glow.
”The ceiling takes awhile to come down,” she says, counting the seconds in her head. “If we move fast enough, we should be able to make it through before it collapses.”
She hears Jonas’ sharp inhale from behind her. ”Should?”
Sam sighs and turns back to him. “It’s the only way out.”
Jonas grimaces. Although the light from the glow rod is dim, she can see the fear in his eyes. But this fear is different from the fear she’s seen so many times before. This fear isn’t the fear of losing her. This fear is something else entirely.
”Jonas,” she asks, “are you okay?”
He swallows. “Yeah,” he croaks, nodding weakly at her. “Yeah, I’m fine. If you’re sure about this…”
”We don’t really have a choice.”
He nods. “O-Okay,” he says shakily. “Let’s do it, then.”
Sam takes a deep breath. “Okay,” she repeats. “When I tell you, pull the latch again. I’ll go in first, but you have to be right behind me. We can’t waste any time.”
Jonas nods again. “All right.”
Sam locks eyes with him. “Ready?”
”Ready.”
She takes another breath. “Okay. Pull on three. One…two…three!”
The latch clicks, and the rock slides up again. Sam leaps into the tunnel. It’s not tall enough to stand in, so she crawls as fast as she can towards the exit. To her relief, the passageway isn’t too long, so she makes it to the end fairly quickly. When she emerges on the other side, she spins around, expecting to see Jonas coming through behind her.
To her horror, he isn’t there.
”Jonas!” she yells, her voice echoing down the tunnel. “What are you doing?”
Jonas is still standing on the other side, frozen in place. “Sam,” he calls, his own voice strained. “I can’t.”
A surge of anxiety floods through her. ”Jonas, you have to.”
His chest starts heaving. “I-I can’t, Sam,” he says again. “I can’t.”
Sam’s heart begins to pound. ”Yes, you can,” she insists, her panic rising. “It’s not that far, and I’ll be right here to grab you when you come out.”
Still, he doesn’t move. Through the shrinking gap in the rock, she swears she can see his eyes welling up with tears. “Sam,” he whimpers, “you don’t understand. I’m not good with tight spaces - “
”Right now that doesn’t fucking matter!” she cries, trying and failing to keep a handle on her desperation. The gap is getting even smaller now. “You’ve got to come through before it closes.”
Jonas winces. ”What if I get stuck in there?”
”You won’t,” she says, reaching her hands towards him. “I won’t let you. I promise.”
”Sam - “
”Jonas, you have to move!”
He clenches his fists and takes a deep breath. “Okay, okay,” he mumbles, more to himself than to her. “You’ll pull me out, right?”
”Yes, now come on!”
With one last gulp of air, Jonas dives into the crevice. He begins to crawl forward on his belly, using his elbows to drag him forward. Sam waves her hands at him, encouraging him to keep moving.
”You’ve got it,” she calls. “It’s just a little farther.”
”Sam, it’s getting tighter!”
”Just keep going,” she continues. “You’re almost there!”
Jonas stops suddenly, his face contorting in terror. “Sam,” he gasps, “I can’t. I can’t, I can’t, I can’t go any farther - “
”Yes, you can!” she shouts. She blinks away the tears blurring her vision. She’s not going to lose him today. Especially not when she’s left so much unsaid.
”Sam, I’m sorry - “
”Just close your eyes,” she interrupts.
He frowns. “What?”
”Close your eyes,” Sam repeats, stretching her arms as far as they can go. “Don’t think about where you are. Just follow my voice.”
Jonas hesitates for a moment before doing as she commands.
”Okay, now move! Keep moving. That’s it, there you go.”
She continues egging him on. Jonas is trembling violently now, but he keeps going, clinging to her words like an invisible tow line pulling him to safety.
”You’ve got it, you’ve got it,” Sam says, reaching for him. “Just a little more - “ He crawls closer and she grabs his wrists. “You did it!” she cries. “I’ve got you.”
She pulls him free just as the booby-trapped ceiling slams shut with a loud thunk.
Jonas collapses to the ground, shuddering with sobs. Sam wraps her arms around him and draws him into her. “It’s okay,” she murmurs, one hand rubbing his back and the other stroking his hair. “It’s okay. It’s over. I’ve got you.”
He buries his face in her shoulder. Sam continues holding him until his breaths grow even and his body stills. She lets him rest there for a moment before pulling back to assess him.
“Are you hurt?” she asks, cupping his face.
Jonas shakes his head. “N-no,” he chokes. “I don’t think so.”
She brushes his hair back. “You’re safe now, okay?”
He nods. “Okay.”
Sam lowers her hands to his shoulders and maneuvers him into a sitting position against the wall. “Just rest for a bit. You should drink some water.”
Jonas nods again, too stunned to say anything more. Sam pulls a canteen from his saddlebag, unscrews the top, and hands it to him. After he’s taken a few well-needed gulps, she exchanges it with a ration bar. “You should eat too,” she says.
”What about you?” he asks.
She shifts her body so that she’s sitting next to him. “I’m okay for now. You need your strength back.”
Jonas attempts to unwrap the ration bar, but his hands are shaking so hard that he loses his grip and drops it into his lap.
Sam reaches over and unwraps it for him. “Thanks,” he mumbles. “I’m sorry.”
”Don’t apologize,” she scolds gently. “You just had a huge shock.”
”I should’ve moved faster.”
She sighs and slips her hand into his. “Jonas, you’ve got to stop doing that.”
He frowns. “Doing what?”
”Apologizing for shit that isn’t your fault. You do that a lot, you know.”
He falls silent again. Sam watches him as he takes slow, careful bites of the ration bar. It’s so different from the enthusiastic way he normally eats that she finds the sight deeply unsettling. When he finishes, he crumples up the wrapper and stuffs it into his pocket.
”I guess I’m just used to it,” he mutters finally. “I spent most of my childhood apologizing for shit that wasn’t my fault.”
Sam gets the sense that he’s about to say more, so she remains quiet. After a moment, he speaks again.
“You remember I told you about my mother, right?”
Sam nods. “Yeah, I do.”
Jonas takes a deep breath. “Well,” he begins, “when I was little, she was home alone with me most of the time while my father was away working. Some days were fine, but on others…she’d get angry. Too angry.”
Sam waits for him to go on.
“There was this one time when she got really mad,” he says at last. “To be honest, I don’t even remember what I did. Or if I’d done anything at all.”
His hand begins to shake again, so Sam gives it a tiny squeeze. He presses on. “What I do remember, though, is her yelling at me. I couldn’t have been older than four or five at the time. Anyway, she grabbed my arm and dragged me into the hallway. There was this storage closet there, and I remember her opening it and shoving me inside.” He takes another breath. “She told me I could stay in there until I was ready to behave, and then…then she just shut the door and locked me in.”
Sam can barely stomach the horror twisting in her gut. “Shit, Jonas,” she whispers. “That’s awful.”
”I know,” he replies. “As you can imagine, it was very cramped in there, so it wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience. At first I thought that if I just sat quietly she’d let me out in a few minutes. But then the minutes stretched into hours, and by the end of it, I was pretty much ruined for tight spaces for life.” He sighs. “The worst part of it is, I think she actually forgot I was in there. She must’ve left the house for awhile because by the time she came back the sun had already gone down.”
Sam squeezes his hand again. “That’s really fucked up,” she murmurs, at a loss for what else to say. “I’m so sorry.”
Jonas, to her surprise, simply shrugs. “It’s in the past now. I probably couldn’t change it even if we could get the time travel device to work.”
A spark of indignation ignites in Sam’s chest. “Don’t do that,” she says, her voice suddenly sharp.
Jonas turns to her, frowning. “Don’t do what?”
Sam’s jaw tightens. “Don’t downplay what happened to you.”
He holds her gaze. “I still can’t change it,” he says quietly.
Sam shakes her head. “That’s not the point. The point is, what your mother did was fucked up and horrible and it left scars that never should’ve been there in the first place. You deserved better, and you owe it to yourself to acknowledge that you deserved better.”
Jonas looks away, and in the dim blue light Sam can see a single tear roll down his cheek. “Okay,” he murmurs. “I guess you’re right.”
”I know I’m right,” Sam says firmly, lifting a hand to his face. She turns it so that she can look him in the eye. “You’re worth so much more than how she treated you.” She wipes the tear away with her thumb. “I wish you knew that.”
They stare at each other for a long moment. Then, before she can stop herself, Sam lifts her chin and kisses his forehead. “Don’t ever sell yourself short again,” she whispers. “You got that?”
Jonas nods. “Okay.”
”Promise me.”
”I promise.”
She isn’t sure if he’ll hold to that, but for now it’ll have to do. “Just rest for a bit,” she reiterates. “Then we can figure out how to get out of here.”
He nods again, then lays his head on Sam’s shoulder. She wraps her arms around him and strokes his hair until his eyes flutter closed.
”Sam?” he murmurs.
Sam presses a kiss to his hair. ”Yeah?”
”Thank you.”
She tightens her grip, not wanting to think of how close she came to losing him. “Don’t mention it,” she says softly. “We’re even now.”
”We were already even,” he mumbles, his breath tickling her skin. “After we saved each other from that crazy woman.”
Sam can’t help but smile. “Okay,” she admits. “But then you rescued me from the river, making it not even, so I had to make it even again by helping you get through the tunnel.”
He’s silent as he processes this. “That’s true,” he says finally. “I guess you’re right.”
She kisses his temple, knowing that if she keeps on like this, they’re going to be in trouble again. “I know I’m right,” she whispers.
”You already said that before.”
”That was for an entirely different issue.”
Jonas snorts and shifts a little, which brings his lips right up to her neck. “Fine,” he sighs. “You’re always right.”
”Yes, I am,” she quips.
He smiles against her throat. “I don’t mind you being right.”
Sam grins and nuzzles his hairline. “I knew there was a reason I liked you.”
He shifts again, this time drawing back to look her in the eye. “Is that the only reason?”
The expression on his face is serious now, and Sam realizes he has her cornered. I can’t keep holding out on him, she thinks. I have to tell him the truth even if it scares me.
”Sam?”
She takes a deep breath. “Look, Jonas, I - “
BANG!
They jump apart, startled by the sudden noise. “What the hell was that?” Jonas asks.
Sam reluctantly pulls away from him and gets to her feet. “It sounded like a gun,” she says.
Jonas stands up beside her. “The other bandits?”
”Maybe.”
”That means Cam, Celia, and Stella could be trying to escape,” Jonas remarks. “They might need our help.”
Sam runs her eyes over his body. “You’re sure you’re okay?”
Jonas squares his shoulders. “Yeah,” he says, grabbing her hand again. “Let’s go.”
Their new route takes them through yet another tunnel. Unlike the other tunnels, however, this one is lit overhead by clusters of purple worms instead of blue.
”The anti-venom worms,” Jonas muses. “I was wondering when we’d run into them.”
Sam only halfway hears him, focused instead on listening for more gunshots. “I don’t hear anything up ahead anymore.”
Jonas squeezes her hand. “Just keep going,” he murmurs. “We’ll find them.”
Sam does as he suggests, pulling him closer to her. Her grip on him tightens as they walk.
Eventually the purple worms disappear, and they’re once again plunged into darkness, save for the glow rod. After some time, the tunnel opens up into another small cavern, once again lit by blue-wormed stalactites.
Sam groans. ”How many dead ends are there in this place?”
”Well,” Jonas says, “if there was a hidden opening in the last one, maybe there’s one in here too. Come on, let’s look.”
He leads her around the cavern, inspecting the walls much like they did the last time. Nothing unusual sticks out. “There has to be some way out of here,” Sam sighs, her voice edged with frustration. “We both heard that gunshot. It didn’t just come from nowhere.”
”Maybe the mechanism in here is different,” Jonas remarks, scanning the ground. “Something that has to be pushed instead of pulled.”
Sam lets go of his hand and turns in a circle. “Like what? I don’t see - “
Thunk.
Jonas gasps. “Sam, look!”
Sam follows his gaze. Her foot has come down on a button in the floor, disguised as an ordinary rock. “Whoa,” she says. “You were right.”
Jonas turns around, shining the glow rod into the distance. “I don’t see an opening.”
”Maybe there’s another button we have to push,” Sam suggests. “I’ll stay here while you look.”
Jonas nods and begins inspecting the ground again, testing every loose rock with the edge of his boot. At last, he finds one that looks somewhat promising, and tentatively presses down on it.
Thunk.
This time, the thunk is followed by a familiar scraping sound. Jonas looks up to see another slab of rock sliding up towards the ceiling. A large tunnel lit by more blue worms appears.
Sam turns to him, smiling. “Well, that wasn’t so hard.”
Jonas grimaces. ”Let’s see if that door holds first before we decide to celebrate.”
He steps off the rock, motioning for Sam to do the same. To his relief, the door stays open.
”Huh,” Sam says. “That’s convenient.”
”Too convenient,” Jonas mutters, walking back over to her. “I don’t trust it.”
”Neither do I,” she agrees. Suddenly, she leans up and kisses his cheek.
His face flushes with heat. “What was that for?” he asks.
Her gaze flits away. “Let’s just be careful,” she says quietly.
Jonas eyes her for a moment, wrestling with a storm of emotions. He hasn’t had time to stop and think about what happened by the river, or about what almost happened after they made it through the booby-trapped tunnel. He decided, back before they were kidnapped, that he was going to be honest with Sam about his feelings. But their struggle to escape and their fight to stay alive has taken up so much of his energy that he doesn’t even know how to put words to what he feels anymore.
”Jonas?” Sam murmurs, turning back to gaze at him.
He’s in awe of how beautiful she is, even with dirt streaked across her face and exhaustion weighing down her body. It’s that unbreakable strength in her, he realizes. That relentless determination to keep going and bring him with her, even when death itself is standing in their way. She never stops fighting - not for herself, and certainly not for the people she cares about. She’ll fight and fight beyond the bitter end. And no matter how much life manages to break her, she’ll always pick up the pieces and put herself back together, rising from the ashes to fight another day.
Teal’c once told him that he had the heart of a warrior. But Jonas knows now it’s Sam who’s the warrior. Sam who never backs down. Sam who goes out of her way to look after him, even when her own life is at stake. Sam who gives him strength by always being at his side. Sam who believes, without a shadow of a doubt, that he’s someone worth fighting for. And Sam who cares for him more than anyone - more than either Carina or his own mother ever could.
It’s Sam. It’s always been Sam. His best friend, his confidant, his partner-in-arms. His Sam. Broken, rebuilt, beautiful Sam. The woman he now knows he can’t live without. The woman who means everything to him. The woman he loves.
Oh shit, he realizes. I love her.
”Jonas,” Sam says again, laying a hand on his arm. “Are you okay?”
He wants more than anything to answer that question with a kiss, to sweep her up into his arms and show her how he feels. To break the barrier between them and do everything they couldn’t by the river. And then, when all is said and done, to hold her so close that he becomes a part of her, and to never let her go again.
Instead, his emotions become a mixed-up jumble in his mouth, and the only thing he can say is a very quiet, “Yeah.”
Sam looks him over, seeming unsatisfied with his reply, but she doesn’t bring attention to it. “Okay,” she says. “We should get go - “
”Wait.”
He slips his ring off his finger and places it in her hand. Objectively speaking, the ring isn’t worth much. It’s just a trinket Dr. Kieran gave him on his birthday once, as a token of his appreciation for him. But given that Dr. Kieran is the closest thing Jonas has ever had to a real father - a father who actually paid him mind instead of burying himself in his work and neglecting to get involved in his son’s life - the ring might as well be a priceless heirloom.
”Look after this for me,” he murmurs, closing her fingers over her palm.
Sam frowns at him in confusion. “Why?” she asks.
His heart aches with longing. Because I love you, he thinks. And this is the only thing I can give you to prove it.
Jonas swallows. “I’ll explain later,” he says, squeezing her hand. “Just keep it, okay?”
Sam opens her fist and stares at the ring for a moment. “Okay,” she agrees finally, placing it in her vest pocket. “I will.”
He smiles softly at her, wanting yet again to kiss her until neither of them can breathe. ”Let’s go save Cam’s ass,” he jokes, nudging her arm.
She laughs and starts towards the open tunnel. “When this is over, we’re never gonna let him live it down. Agreed?”
”Agreed.”
He doesn’t see the third button on the floor until it’s almost too late.
In the split second before all hell breaks loose, Jonas shouts her name. But Sam’s foot presses down on the rock before she can heed his warning, setting off another thunk, followed by the sickening swish of something flying out of the wall towards her.
Time slows. Jonas leaps forward.
He tackles Sam to the ground, out of the way of the unseen booby trap. For a moment he just lies there, shielding her body from anything else that might jump out of the shadows to harm her.
It’s in that moment that his vision finally solidifies in his mind.
This is it. This is what he saw.
”Sam!” he cries, pulling back. “Sam are you okay?”
Sam looks up, still alive and still breathing. But Jonas’ relief quickly turns to confusion when he realizes she isn’t looking at his face. Instead, her gaze is fixed on his torso, her eyes wide with what can only be fear.
”Sam?”
”Jonas,” she gasps, reaching for him. “Jonas, you’re - “
She cuts herself off as he glances down. Then, at last, he sees it. A dart, much larger than the ones the bandits used on them, now sticking like a dagger out of his side.
He gets the distinct feeling that this isn’t just for putting people to sleep.
”Sam,” he croaks as the room starts to sway.
Her panicked scream is the last thing he hears before his body crumples to the ground.
Notes:
YES YES I'M SORRY, yet ANOTHER cliffhanger 😭 I just want to give a forewarning: the next few chapters are going to be very intense so please be prepared for that. I don't want to spoil anything, but I promise you this story has a good ending. We're just taking the scenic route to get there.
The title of this chapter is taken from the lyrics of "Miracle" by CHVRCHES (I'm partial to the Hansa Session version because it's so heartbreakingly gorgeous). I had a lot of trouble settling on a title this time, but I eventually chose this one because I thought it fit the theme of the chapter best.
The scene with Jonas in the booby-trapped tunnel and the following conversation about his childhood trauma was one of the first scenes I actually wrote for this fic. I wasn't sure at first when it would happen in the story, but since the last few chapters featured Jonas rescuing Sam, I thought this would be a good place to put it to give her a chance to return the favor. I loved putting together that whole tunnel sequence, because I got to write Sam and Jonas brainstorming again, and because it gave Sam the opportunity to show how much she supports and values Jonas. Even in canon he seems to think too little of himself, so I wanted to give Sam the chance to address that.
The ring Jonas gives Sam is something he's seen wearing throughout season 6, although he doesn't wear it all the time. I don't think the ring's significance was ever explained, so I wanted to give it a backstory to explain what it means and why he might give it to Sam. I'm a sucker for characters giving the person they love an object/heirloom of great personal importance to them 😭
Chapter 11: you never know what's real (until it's gone)
Notes:
Hello again, I'm back with a quicker update than usual since I wanted to get the angstiest part of this fic out of the way before we enter the final stretch. You may notice that I've changed both the rating and the Archive warning since the last update. This is because, after some consideration, I decided it was best to be cautious. The next few chapters are going to be emotionally brutal, and I didn't want anyone to feel totally blindsided by this section of the story. I can't say more due to spoilers, but please be warned that this chapter in particular is probably the roughest one both whump and angst-wise and you may need tissues.
With all that said, I want to once again thank you all for your support. As always I truly appreciate it ❤️
CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER
-situation of extreme peril
-slight body horror
-strong language
-depiction of emotional trauma
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
She screams his name when he falls.
Sam immediately jumps up and rushes to Jonas’ side. His body has gone limp, his skin rapidly turning a sickly pale color. “Jonas!” she shouts again, her hands flying to his face. “Shit, Jonas - “
”Sam,” he chokes out, gasping for air. “Sam…the dart…”
Sam pulls back and moves her hands to his stomach. The dart, which is about the length of her palm, is still sticking out of his side. “Shit,” she says, fighting back a rising wave of panic. “I’m going to pull it out, okay?”
”Okay.”
Sam braces one hand against Jonas’ stomach and yanks the dart free with the other. He howls in pain. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” she cries, tears stinging her eyes.
Sam then lifts the hem of his shirt, pulling it up to his ribs to inspect the puncture wound. She hopes that maybe it won’t be as bad as she fears. But her heart seizes in terror when she sees a web of veins branching out from a dark bruise on his skin.
Purple veins. Just like the ones on the bodies of the dead bandits.
”Oh fuck,” she hisses.
”Sam,” Jonas rasps, his voice even weaker now. “Sam, I can’t…I can’t feel my legs…”
The wave of panic overtakes her. It’s that fucking blue worm venom. But not the diluted kind the bandits used to knock them out. This is the pure, untainted kind. The lethal kind.
”Jonas,” Sam says, her body trembling, “the dart…it had…“
”I know.” His face suddenly contorts in pain. “Ah!”
”Jonas?!”
His breathing starts to quicken at an alarming rate. Sam grabs his shoulders. “Jonas…oh god…”
”Sam,” he gasps. “Sam, it hurts.”
Oh god, this can’t be happening. “Jonas,” she pleads, moving her hands back to his face. “Jonas, I need you to stay with me!”
Jonas cries out again, his body spasming as the venom continues to take hold. Sam cradles his face, sobbing his name as she tries in vain to soothe him. She has no idea what to do now. She vaguely recalls the bandit woman saying something about the venom taking awhile to kill its victims, but there’s no telling how potent of a dose the dart contained. He could have anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours, but either way, there’s nothing she can do to save him.
”Purple…worms…” Jonas wheezes.
Sam blinks back a surge of tears. “What?”
”Purple…anti…venom…”
Her eyes widen as the information registers. He’s right. Celia mentioned the purple worms before, the ones with a natural anti-venom that could reverse the effects of their blue counterparts.
”The tunnel,” Sam breathes, hope blossoming in her chest. “We passed some purple worms on the way here.”
Jonas nods.
Sam lets go of his face and lifts the saddlebag off of his shoulder. There has to be something in here she can use to collect the worms. She rifles through the bag, her movements growing more frantic as Jonas continues to grunt in pain. At last, her fingers land on a clear tube filled with a mysterious green powder. She doesn’t know what the powder is for, but it hardly matters now. She pops open the cap, pours the contents onto the floor, and stuffs the tube into her vest pocket.
”I’m going to go look for the worms,” she says, cupping Jonas’ face again. “I’ll come back right away, okay?”
Her heart clenches when he meets her eyes. She can tell he’s in far more agony than he’s letting on. “Okay,” he mumbles.
“Just promise me you’ll hang in there.”
He opens and closes his mouth a few times, trying to get the words out.
“Jonas,” she begs, her voice breaking, “promise me.”
The words finally emerge, weak and raspy. “I p-promise.”
Sam strokes his face with her thumbs, then leans down and presses a kiss to his forehead. His skin is cold and clammy, and the sensation sends a bolt of terror shooting through her body. Oh god. She has to save him. She has to.
”You’re going to be all right,” she whispers.
And with that, she pulls away, moving to stand up. But to her surprise, Jonas reaches out and stops her, grabbing her hand at the last second.
”Sam,” he croaks, holding onto her for dear life. “Sam, I have to…tell you something.”
The earnest look in his eyes makes her heart ache, but they have no time to waste. “Jonas, I have to go right now,” she says. “You can tell me later, okay?”
He shakes his head, the expression on his face growing determined despite his pain. “No…” he insists. “It has to be…now.”
Her limbs twitch with panicked impatience. “Okay,” she agrees reluctantly. “What is it?”
Jonas locks eyes with her, and all of a sudden Sam gets the impression that they’ve entered into a moment that will live on in her memory for the rest of her life. “Sam,” he starts, forcing her name out with great effort. Then -
“Sam, I love you.”
Her heart stops.
For a split second she can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t move. The force of his confession hits her harder than any blow she’s ever taken, and the shock is so staggering that she swears time itself has come to a screeching halt.
Jonas loves her.
He loves her.
Oh god, he loves her.
Sam opens her mouth to say something - anything - but no words will come out. Even though she needs to say them. Even though this might be her last chance to say them. Even though she knows that if she doesn’t make it back in time, he’ll never get to hear her say them -
She rises to her feet without uttering a single thing.
The only thing she manages to do is squeeze his hand, holding his gaze for one final moment before releasing him, snatching up the glow rod at his side, and sprinting back down the tunnel.
Sam feels like she’s been running for hours by the time she spies a purple glow up ahead. Relief floods through her, but it’s quickly replaced by an overwhelming pang of guilt.
Sam, I love you.
She swallows back a fresh surge of tears. Jonas meant it. He rarely says anything he doesn’t mean, and she knew by the look in his eyes that he meant it. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to say it back.
Why couldn’t she say it back?
The purple glow grows stronger. Sam shoves down the guilt and pushes forward, choosing instead to focus on the task at hand. She can worry about sentiment later. Right now she needs to work fast, or Jonas will…no. No, she’s not even going to think about it.
When at last she arrives at the worm-infested section of the tunnel, her heart sinks as she realizes that the worms are too far out of reach. Like their blue counterparts, they prefer to huddle on the stalactites hanging overhead. Sam spins in a circle, inspecting the area, but she can’t find any way to climb up to the ceiling.
”Shit,” she curses to herself. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?
She scans the ground. There are some loose rocks scattered here and there. Maybe she can throw one at a stalactite like she did before, and hope that a few worms might fall from the impact.
Sam scoops up a large rock and launches it at the ceiling. It slams against the nearest stalactite before clattering to the ground. She runs up to see if any worms came with it.
Nothing.
”Damn it,” she hisses. These worms must have a stronger grip than she realized.
She picks up another rock and tries again. Still nothing. Grunting in frustration, she grabs yet another rock and tosses it.
Still nothing.
”For fuck’s sake!” she screams, tears pricking at her eyelids. She’s running out of time. He’s running out of time. If she can’t administer the anti-venom…
With another shriek of rage, she picks up one more rock and hurls it with all her might. This time a purple smudge plummets to the ground beside it.
Sam rushes over to the spot. Sure enough, one worm has fallen, and it’s still alive. She frantically digs the glass tube out of her vest pocket, her fingers brushing against Jonas’ ring as she does so.
Sam, I love you.
Heart pounding, Sam places the worm into the tube, caps it, and shoves it back into her pocket. She doesn’t know if one worm will be enough, but she doesn’t have time right now to try for another.
Jumping to her feet, she dashes back up the tunnel, pumping her legs as fast as they can carry her.
Sam is halfway through the dark part of the passage when she hears it.
Coughing.
First, you get woozy. Then, it paralyzes you. Then, you experience the most excruciating pain you’ve ever felt in your life. Then, your lungs stop working and you can no longer breathe right. Then, you start coughing up blood. It’s only after the coughing that all that agony finally comes to an end.
Terror seizes her in its grip as the bandit woman’s voice echoes in her mind. She pushes her legs harder, trying to run even faster than she already is.
Just hold on, Jonas, Sam begs. Please, you have to hold on.
The coughing grows louder as she runs farther up the tunnel. She doesn’t know if that’s because she’s getting closer or because Jonas’ condition is getting worse, but it doesn’t matter. He’s out of time.
Sam, I love you.
Her foot catches on a rock, and her body goes flying.
Sam crashes to the ground with a loud thump. The coughing starts to intensify. “Shit!” she cries, scrambling to her feet. “Jonas, I’m coming!”
She rushes forward again, her heartbeat wild in her chest.
Sam, I love you.
The coughing suddenly stops.
Sam stumbles into the cavern, her breaths ragged and her limbs screaming. She nearly stumbles to the ground again, but she manages to stay upright just long enough to make it to Jonas’ side.
His body is completely still.
A panicked sob escapes her throat. She drops to her knees and fumbles around in her vest pocket, yanking out the tube and then the worm from it. She pulls back Jonas’ shirt again and places the worm right over the puncture wound. It latches onto his skin immediately.
Without pausing to see what will happen, Sam presses her fingers to Jonas’ wrist and checks his pulse. To her horror, she isn’t able to find one.
”No,” she gasps, staring at him in disbelief. “No, please, come on!”
She glances back at the worm. Nothing seems to be happening.
Oh god. Oh god, oh god, oh god.
Sam, I love you.
Sam lets out an anguished shriek and digs her hands into Jonas’ chest. She starts pumping - one, two, three, four - desperation clawing at her insides and tears streaming down her face.
”Come on, Jonas!” she pleads. “Come on!”
His body remains still.
She checks his pulse again, and when that still yields nothing, she lets out another cry and resumes the chest compressions. She keeps pumping, harder and harder and harder, sobbing and begging him to come to. But nothing happens. His body continues to lie motionless - his skin covered with a web of purple veins, his lips stained with blood, and his eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling.
No. No.
This can’t be happening.
He can’t be gone. He can’t be.
Sam, I love you.
When exhaustion overtakes her and reality finally hits, the sound that wrenches free from her throat is barely even human.
Notes:
Before anyone angrily throws objects at my head (which, I know, is honestly warranted) THIS STORY IS NOT OVER!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO sorry for the way this chapter ended, but like I said in the last chapter's notes, I PROMISE you that this fic has a good ending. I just can't elaborate on what it is or how we're going to get there. There is still one more major plot point that we haven't circled back around to yet, so please bear with me while we wade through the next couple of chapters 😭 Trust me, I'm not going to leave it hanging here.
Now, on to other details:
The title of this chapter is taken from the lyrics of "What It Costs" by Switchfoot, which centers around the theme of love and the sacrifices it entails. It wasn't my original title choice, but in the end I thought the song summed up the point of the chapter better than my other options.
Part of the reason I upped the rating/warning was the depiction of Sam's desperation and grief. I was a bit worried she might come across as out-of-character, since she's usually so levelheaded and tough. But there are moments on SG-1 where she does emotionally break down, plus I feel like it's more realistic in a situation like this for a character to completely lose it.
Again, I apologize profusely for breaking everyone's heart 😭 This one hurt to write as much as I'm sure it hurt to read, but unfortunately it's necessary for where the story is heading next. Like I said before, this is NOT over. If you're still mad at me and need reassurance that this fic won't end in a pit of despair, there is some foreshadowing sprinkled throughout the previous chapters if you want to distract yourselves by trying to piece together where this is going.
Chapter 12: tell me you love me (come back and haunt me)
Notes:
Hi, guys. Once again, I apologize for the last chapter 😭 Like I said previously, this fic isn't over yet, but there's going to be some more Sam angst before we get on to the final section of the story. Thanks again for reading and supporting this fic - and for bearing with me while I indulge my inner angst monster. As always, I really appreciate it ❤️
CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER
-depictions of grief and trauma
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Sam, I love you.
Sam doesn’t know how long she cries. Time, in its unstoppable cruelty, passes by without her noticing. She’s too focused on the grief, grief that has her hunched over Jonas’ body, trembling violently and clutching his shirt in her hands. She can’t let him go. If she lets go, then this becomes real, and if it’s real then that means he’s truly gone.
She’s sobbing so hard that she can barely breathe. She’s seen death before - far too much of it - but this, somehow, is different. It’s not like Daniel, who’s died and come back so many times that no one really bats an eye at the pattern anymore. It’s not like Hanson, whose death honestly relieved her even though she never expressed so out loud. It’s not even like the deaths of her countless paramours over the years, whom she cared for but never had the time to truly love.
Sam, I love you.
A sudden memory resurfaces, one of Jonas at the mission briefing. I trust Colonel Carter with my life. I’m willing to take whatever risk necessary to save hers. He took that risk, she realizes, just not the one either of them were expecting. The dart flying out of the wall must have been what he saw in his vision. She was supposed to get shot with it. She was supposed to succumb to the venom and die. Except she didn’t, because he knocked her out of the way just in time and took the hit himself.
I trust Colonel Carter with my life.
A sharp pang of self-loathing cuts through her grief. This is all her fault. It’s not just that Jonas died to save her from her fate. She failed to save him. He trusted her without question, was counting on her to come through, and she failed him.
You never know how much time you have left. To say what you want to say. Or to say what you need to.
Dr. Augustine’s voice rises above the clamor in her mind, his words now an accusation rather than a reminder. This, perhaps, is the most terrible thing of them all. Maybe one day she’ll come to accept Jonas’ death as a noble sacrifice. Maybe one day she’ll be able to forgive herself for not making it back in time. But this, this failure to say the one thing he needed to hear before breathing his last, is something she knows she will never accept and never forgive.
Sam, I love you.
Four words. That’s all she had to say. Four words to match his own, four words to let him know that he wasn’t the only one with something to confess.
It seems wrong to say them now. Somehow that feels like even more of a betrayal, like a twisted confirmation that he didn’t deserve to hear them in life, but only deserves to hear them in death. Sam can’t bring herself to do that to him. She’s hurt him enough already.
Sam, I love you.
Sam cries until her strength gives out and her lungs are screaming for air. Reluctantly, she releases her grip on Jonas’ shirt and falls back on her heels, gasping for breath. Her entire body is still shaking, even as her sobs taper off into a quiet numbness. She squeezes her eyes shut, not wanting to look at him. She doesn’t want to see him like this, lying there in a grotesque state like he’s just another one of the bandits. In an attempt to dispel the awful image from her mind, she tries conjuring up memories of him as he was. Jonas, alive. Jonas, alive and well.
Jonas, alive and hers.
At some point she finds herself sitting with her knees pulled up to her chest, huddled in a cocoon of happier memories. She buries her face in her lap and forces herself to think of his smile, his laugh, his boundless enthusiasm. She thinks of how his eyes lit up whenever he tried a dish he liked, and how he hung off her every word when she was teaching him something new. She thinks of how he and Daniel used to get themselves into trouble on every other mission, how O’Neill would yell at both of them after their inevitable rescue, and how he always ended up letting Jonas off the hook anyway because he’d developed a soft spot for him. She thinks of how he and Teal’c grew so close that Teal’c started referring to him as his brother, and how he beamed with pride whenever Teal’c chose to use the term. She thinks of how he immediately took Cam and Vala under his wing when they arrived, wanting to make them feel welcome because he knew what it felt like to be an outsider. She thinks of how he never failed to put her at ease, and how he was always at her side, loving her through both the good and the bad even when her eyes were still set on someone else.
Sam, I love you.
Oh god, she can’t just leave him here.
But Sam knows that she has to. There’s no telling how far away the nearest exit is, and she can’t very well haul his body around while wandering aimlessly through the caves. She could, of course, just decide to call it quits and stay with him until she herself withers away. But as much as she thinks she deserves the punishment, she knows that if she dies down here, then Jonas’ sacrifice will have been in vain. She can’t let that happen. So much has been stolen from him already - his childhood, his engagement, his homeworld, her honesty, and now his life. At the very least she has to make sure that his sacrifice, however unfair or painful, is the one thing he gets to keep.
Slowly, as if waking from a dream, Sam unfolds her body and crawls towards him. She picks up the saddlebag lying at his side and slings it across her shoulder, her hands quivering as she does so. At first, she still can’t bring herself to look at him. A lump forms in her throat, bringing with it a fresh wave of tears. Her vision blurs and she blinks to clear her eyes, the tears now trickling down her cheeks.
Eventually, she works up the courage to say goodbye. She lifts her gaze, letting it settle on his face, and all at once it feels as if her heart is being ripped out of her chest. It hardly even looks like him. The light that was always in his eyes, even on the toughest of days, has been snuffed out. He’s gone. He’s really, truly gone. A muffled sob works its way up her throat. She can’t say goodbye. Not like this.
But she has to.
As gently as she can, Sam lifts her hand and closes his eyes. Then she leans down and presses a kiss to his forehead, her tears dripping onto his skin.
”I’m sorry,” she whispers, her fingers softly stroking his hair. “Oh, Jonas, I’m so sorry.”
She runs her hand down the side of his face, still unwilling to let him go. A part of her half-expects him to open his eyes and jump up from the ground, laughing about how this was all some elaborate prank Vala talked him into. But the better part of her knows the cold, hard truth. He’s gone. And if his death stands a chance of meaning anything, she has to make it out of here alive.
Sam kisses him one more time before pulling away. She rises to her feet, her body still shaking. Then, with one last glance in his direction, she finally lets him go, another whispered apology slipping past her lips before she turns around and heads forward into the next tunnel.
Sam wanders for awhile in a numb, almost dreamlike state. At some point the tunnel splits into three different directions, and she chooses one without even thinking. As much as she knows she needs to escape, willing her mind to focus on her survival is easier said than done.
He sacrificed himself to save you, she tells herself over and over again. You owe it to him to get out of here.
For some time that thought is enough to keep her going. But soon the guilt catches up with her again, overwhelming her with despair. Her head begins to swim, bile rising in her throat as it mixes with the bitter taste of her tears. The guilt is so intense that it’s making her sick, and a part of her doesn’t even want to fight against it. Let it consume her. It’s what she deserves for failing him.
By the time Sam emerges into another large cavern, she’s quaking with sobs again. She stumbles forward in a dizzied blur until she collapses against the cave wall. A wave of nausea overtakes her. She squeezes her eyes shut in an attempt to quell it, but her stomach continues to churn, undeterred. When she opens her eyes again, she spies a large pool of water at the other end of the cavern. She staggers over to it and drops to her knees, splashing cold water onto her face. It has no effect. Her stomach lurches again, and this time, she can’t hold it in anymore. She doubles over, clutching her abdomen, and retches onto the ground. When at last it feels as if she’s emptied out her insides, she falls onto her side, still sobbing and gasping for air.
The cavern starts to spin all around her. She shuts her eyes again, trying to take deep breaths to calm herself. Get your shit together, she scolds. You have to get out.
But she’s too weak to move. Exhaustion sets in, and before she can muster up the strength to fight back, it drags her into the dark abyss of sleep.
Sam “wakes” to find herself in the Florida hotel suite again. Except this time it’s daytime, and a far more welcome figure than Hanson is standing out on the patio.
She stares at him for a moment, the ache in her heart almost impossible to bear. “Jonas,” she whispers.
Slowly, as if in a trance, Sam makes her way outside. The pool deck is drenched, the metallic scent of rain still hanging in the thick summer air. A rainbow cuts through the clouds, as brilliant and as beautiful as the one they saw on the day they ran through the storm.
Jonas turns to her, his smile so vibrant, so alive, that it makes her eyes well up with tears. A whimper escapes her throat. “You’re not real,” she whispers, although she’s desperate to believe in the illusion.
Dream-Jonas reaches for her and gently cups her face. “Of course I am,” he murmurs, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
Sam chokes back a sob, her voice trembling as the grief closes in on her. “I-I couldn’t save you,” she replies. “I left you behind.”
Jonas lowers his hands and wraps his arms around her, pulling her into his chest. His body is so warm and so solid that for a moment Sam thinks that maybe this is reality and that what happened in the caves is nothing but a terrible nightmare. She lays her head on his shoulder, folding into his touch when his fingers begin stroking her hair.
”You didn’t leave me anywhere,” he says softly, pressing a kiss to her temple. “I’m still with you.”
Oh, how she wishes that were true. “I’m sorry,” she murmurs, clinging to him as if he might disappear if she doesn’t. “I’m so sorry.”
Jonas pulls back to look her in the eye. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” he says, trailing his fingers down the back of her neck. “You did everything you could.”
”It wasn’t enough,” she croaks.
”You’re being too hard on yourself,” he admonishes, letting his gaze roam over her face. “You always are.”
”Maybe that’s ‘cause I deserve it.”
Jonas frowns at the bitterness in her tone. “You don’t,” he counters, his voice firm. “You deserve to be happy.”
Sam lets out a rueful laugh. “Happy?” she scoffs. “How the hell am I supposed to be happy after all this?”
Jonas’ expression softens, and he lifts a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “This isn’t over yet,” he says simply.
It’s Sam’s turn to frown now. “What are you talking about?” she asks.
Jonas traces her ear with his thumb, drawing a line down her jaw, over her chin, and across her bottom lip. Her eyes flutter closed. “Use that big brain of yours,” he whispers, leaning close enough for her to feel his breath on her skin. “You’ll figure something out.”
She swallows, fighting the urge to kiss him and forget that he’s not much more than a ghost, a specter of what can never be. “How?” she murmurs, opening her eyes.
Jonas smiles at her again. “You know that part in The Princess Bride when Buttercup thinks Westley’s dead, but then he comes back in disguise to rescue her from Vizzini?”
Sam can’t help but laugh. Even in death, even in her dreams, he still won’t shut up about this movie. “What does that have to do with anything?”
He makes a face. “Just go with it, okay?”
She smirks. “As you wish.”
Jonas grins and runs his fingers back through her hair. “Remember what he says to her? After she figures out that it’s him?”
Sam shakes her head.
Jonas rolls his eyes. “Yes you do,” he laughs. “You’ve seen it a million times.”
She chuckles. “Just tell me,” she says.
Jonas sighs, but his eyes soften as he holds her gaze. “‘Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for awhile.’”
Her heart starts to ache again, that last memory of him hitting her like a blow to the gut.
Sam, I love you.
The tears resurface. “Jonas,“ she starts, her voice cracking. “Jonas, I’m sor - “
He cuts her off with a kiss. She melts into him without thinking, desperate to feel him, to taste him again. Her hand slides up his chest as she breathes his name into his mouth - a whispered plea for him to be more than just a beautiful lie.
Jonas leans his forehead against hers when they break apart. “Remember what I said,” he murmurs, his breath warm on her lips. “Okay?”
Although she still has no idea what he’s getting at, Sam nods, not wanting to disappoint him. “Okay.”
He smiles sadly at her. “I know you want to stay,” he says. “But you need to get up now.”
Her heart sinks. “I don’t want to leave you,” she protests. “Not again.”
Jonas shakes his head. “You have to go. You’re almost there.”
Sam frowns. “But I don’t know where I am.”
Jonas smiles and opens his mouth to reply, but his voice is drowned out by a strange noise. A noise that sounds, oddly, like the crash of waves on the shore.
Sam frowns again and peers over his shoulder. Sure enough, the pool deck has disappeared, and in its place is the ocean, its surface glinting in the waning sunlight.
”Jonas?“
But he’s gone.
Sam blinks. She’s alone now, standing on a stretch of wet sand. “Jonas?” she calls again, spinning around in a circle. The crash of the waves grows louder. “Jona - “
She awakes with a gasp.
Sam groans as she slowly comes to. At first she can’t remember where she is or why she’s lying on the ground. Then, after a moment, it all comes flooding back - Jonas, the dart, her grief, the dream. She rubs a hand across her face and eases herself into a sitting position, wincing when her muscles scream in protest.
A familiar sound immediately greets her ears. Sam frowns, wondering if she’s imagining it. But then she hears it again, echoing faintly across the cavern.
Whoosh.
It’s the sound of the ocean.
She whirls around to face the direction of the noise. Another tunnel stretches out ahead of her. The air feels warmer there, and it smells of salt.
The beach, Sam thinks. This tunnel leads out to the beach.
She leaps to her feet a little too quickly. The room starts to spin again and she staggers to the side, almost falling over. When she’s finally able to right herself, she walks towards the mouth of the tunnel and lifts a hand to test the air. The tiny wisp of a breeze tickles her palm.
Sam’s eyes fill with tears. You did it, she thinks, clinging to the image of Jonas in her dream. You found me a way out.
She tries once again to picture his smile. If only she could be sharing this moment with him instead of having to go on alone. They were so close to making it, so close to returning home. So close to airing what still lay unspoken between them, and maybe building a life together once they put the horror of this mission behind them.
But what could have been died along with him, she knows. Sam swallows back a sob and glances over her shoulder. The cavern is quiet and still, save for the echo of the ocean up ahead. This is it now, she realizes. The final goodbye. This is her one last look before she leaves him here to rest forever in these godforsaken caves.
Sam, I love you.
Sam takes a deep breath. Willing herself to move, she turns back around. Then, once more pushing the guilt aside, she takes a step forward, heads into the tunnel, and at last makes her way towards freedom.
Cam is just about finished bandaging Celia’s arm when he hears Stella let out a loud yelp. They stopped here on the beach to tend to their wounds, after Stella’s quick thinking and Celia’s expert knowledge of the glowing death slugs allowed them to escape from their captors. He’s not sure what happened to Jonas and Sam, but he’s hoping that if they return with a larger rescue party, his missing teammates will soon be located.
When he sees what Stella is yelling about, however, he realizes that maybe the rescue party won’t be necessary. “Colonel Mitchell!” the geologist shouts, pointing at something behind them. “Look!”
Both Cam and Celia turn their heads to glance back at the cave they escaped from. There’s a figure in dark clothing stumbling outside and heading towards the water. At first, Cam is afraid that it’s one of the bandits coming to capture them again. But then he spies the telltale crop of blonde hair in the distance, and his fear instantly dissipates.
”Sam!” he cries, jumping to his feet and waving his arms. “Sam, over here!”
The figure pauses, turns, then starts heading towards them. Cam sprints across the sand to meet her. “Sam!” he calls again. “Sam, oh thank God.”
She nearly collapses when she reaches him, and he has to grab her arms to steady her. “Sam,” he repeats, “you okay?”
She’s dressed in a tattered bandit outfit, sporting bandages on both her hand and her dirt-streaked forehead. For a moment she doesn’t reply, choosing instead to catch her breath. Then, after a beat, she gives an almost imperceptible nod.
Cam breathes a sigh of relief. That relief, however, is quickly swallowed up by a sudden wave of dread. “Sam,” he starts, looking around at the otherwise empty beach. “Where’s Jonas?”
Sam opens her mouth to speak. But before she can, whatever words she meant to say die on the tip of her tongue. What comes out instead is a sound so gut-wrenching that Cam hopes he’ll never have to hear anything like it for the rest of his life.
”Sam?”
Sam shakes her head, her eyes swimming with tears. “He’s gone,” she says at last, her voice no more than a strangled sob.
Cam’s stomach drops. “Gone?” he asks. “Sam, what happened?”
But Sam is overcome with emotion now, buckling under the weight of her grief. She pitches forward, swaying on her feet, and Cam can do nothing but let her fall into him, holding her tightly while she cries in his arms.
Notes:
The title of this chapter is taken from the lyrics of "The Scientist" by Coldplay.
The Jonas dream sequence wasn't originally part of the plan, but I decided to include it to provide a little bit of a reprieve from the previous chapter. It ended up being a useful way to sneak in a tiny hint of what's to come. On that note, the references to The Princess Bride were also not part of the original plan, but what started as a throwaway detail decided to become plot relevant for some reason, so here we are 🤷
Chapter 13: even closer to you (you seem so very far)
Notes:
Hello again. Once more I would like to apologize for all the angst 😭 There's a bit more to get through in this chapter before we move forward with the plot again in the next, but trust me, we're getting there. As always thank you for following along with this story and lending your support, I really appreciate it ❤️
CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER
-depictions of grief and trauma
-strong language
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The next few weeks are a blur.
In between medical examinations, mission reports, and talk of negotiations with the Asterion authorities to crack down on the bandit problem, Sam barely has time to process it all. Not that she wants to. Processing ultimately leads to remembering, and remembering leads to reliving. She has no desire to relive what happened in the caves, although her mind seems hell-bent on forcing her to anyway.
Sleep becomes a luxury. Every night she wakes from some horrifying version of the same nightmare, in which Jonas dies and she fails to save him. On some nights she lives through the event exactly as it happened. On others, her mind twists it into something even worse than it already was.
They eventually hold a memorial service at the SGC. Daniel and Vala return to attend, as does General O’Neill. Sam floats through it, so numb that she hardly registers anything going on around her. Cam, O’Neill, and Landry all give speeches, but only a few scattered words break through her stupor. “Good friend,” “hard worker,” “dedicated team member,” and “part of our family,” all stick out, but as genuine as the sentiments are, they seem woefully inadequate next to the memory of who Jonas was. How do you sum up the measure of a person who was not only your friend, someone you cared deeply for, but who, at some point, managed to become a part of you? It’s like how when Daniel first died, no words seemed enough to encapsulate him. But unlike Daniel, Jonas can’t come back. There’s no waiting period for his inevitable return. All that remains is an empty space bearing his mark, one no other person will ever be able to fill.
General O’Neill hugs her when the ceremony is over. He holds her a bit longer than he normally would in a professional environment before pulling back to assess her. Sam almost has to laugh at the cruelty of it all. It wasn’t enough for death to steal Jonas away - now she has to stomach being held in the arms of her first real what-if. At this point, she’s mostly moved past what could have been between them. But she’s still haunted by the reason she let him slip through her fingers in the first place. It’s the same reason she met Jonas’ confession with nothing but silence, and the shame of it is almost enough to break her.
O’Neill grips her shoulders when he pulls away. “You okay?” he asks gently, looking her in the eye.
Sam nods, swallowing back the lump in her throat. “Yeah,” she says, knowing that he won’t buy it for a second.
He doesn’t, if the look on his face is any indication. But before he can say anything more, she’s swept into Vala’s tearful embrace. The two of them stay like that for awhile, Vala crying and mumbling a thousand “sorrys,” and Sam fighting back the tears she feels she no longer has the right to shed.
Vala and Daniel decide to stick around for awhile before returning to Atlantis. Sam is well aware that they want to keep an eye on her. But as much as she knows she should be thankful for their support, the idea of her friends hovering over her only stirs up agitation and an unwarranted sense of bitterness. She doesn’t want comfort or empty platitudes. She wants a solution to a problem that can’t be fixed.
She wants Jonas back.
To distract herself from the ugly emotions festering inside her, she chooses, as usual, to bury herself in her work. General Landry wants to compile a full summary of their findings on the Asterion device before shipping it off to Area 51 for safekeeping. Good riddance, Sam thinks. That stupid device is what started everything in the first place. Maybe it’d be worth something if she and Jonas were able to make it work. But it’s as useless as the endless jumble of notes and theories, and its continued presence on the base is only serving to taunt her.
She’s in her office one day, sorting through a mountain of paperwork, when Daniel decides to pop his head in. He hesitates in the doorway at first, clearly considering whether or not it’s a good time to interrupt her. Sam isn’t sure she wants to see him, but after a moment she gives in and looks up, silently nodding at him to come in.
Daniel approaches slowly, as if he’s afraid of startling her. He perches himself on the edge of her desk, examining her with a pitying look on his face. Sam knows he can’t help it - that sort of response to someone struggling is just in his nature - but a pang of irritation hits her anyway.
”I’m not going to ask if you’re okay,” Daniel says. “Because I know you’re not.”
Sam inhales, grateful at least for his perceptiveness. “Thanks,” she mumbles, not knowing what else to say.
Daniel fiddles with his hands for a moment before speaking again. “I miss him too, you know.”
Sam nods, cursing the lump rising in her throat. After Daniel first returned to SG-1, he and Jonas became fast friends, hitting it off so well that for a time she was actually jealous of how close they were. “You meant a lot to him,” she murmurs, staring down at the papers on her desk. “Whenever he wasn’t talking about some new recipe he wanted to try, he was talking about you and whatever ancient text you managed to translate together that week.”
Daniel lets out a small laugh. “He was always a big help, you know. Saw things that sometimes even I couldn’t see.”
Sam’s lips curl into the barest hint of a smile. “Yeah,” she says softly. “That was Jonas, all right.”
They lapse into silence again. Sam still can’t look Daniel in the eye. At first she thinks it’s because she can’t bear to see his pity, but then she realizes that’s not all it is. Jonas was Daniel’s friend too. His best friend, really, aside from her and O’Neill. And the reason he’s gone now isn’t because of some tragic accident. It’s all because of her. If he hadn’t saved her from the dart, if she hadn’t failed to save him in return…
Sam knows it’s a foolish thought. But a part of her worries that Daniel might never forgive her if he finds out. All he knows is what was on the official report - that they were kidnapped by bandits, got stuck in the caves, and fell prey to an ancient booby trap. Although she’s always prided herself on being thorough, she couldn’t bring herself to elaborate on the whole truth. Her guilt was too stifling. As far as anyone else knows, Jonas’ death was merely the result of occupational hazard.
The touch of Daniel’s hand draws her out of her reverie. “You know,” he says, giving her arm a squeeze, “it’s funny that you mention him always talking about me.”
Sam frowns, finally allowing herself to meet his gaze. “What do you mean?”
Daniel chuckles. “When you weren’t around,” he starts, “he was always talking about you. Even after I left for Atlantis and we started keeping in touch via video call, he’d never shut up about you. It was always ‘Sam did this’ and ‘Sam said that’ and ‘Sam brought me to this new restaurant yesterday; we should totally take you there when you come back and visit.’”
A half-laugh, half-sob escapes Sam’s throat. “You’re serious?”
Daniel snorts. “Oh yeah.” He pauses a moment, his expression softening. “He really cared about you, Sam.”
I know that, Sam thinks, Jonas’ last words once more echoing in the back of her mind. He cared for me more than you know.
Daniel takes a deep breath and lets go of her arm. “Vala and I were thinking of going out to dinner someplace,” he remarks. “Teal’c and Cam might come too. You can tag along if you want.”
For a split second, the idea sounds almost nice. Spending time with her friends again feels more enticing than continuing to isolate herself behind a wall of grief and paperwork. But then Jonas’ memory invades her thoughts, haunting her with the image of his smile and the sound of his laugh. It doesn’t seem right to allow herself the luxury of happiness anymore, not when he’s no longer here to enjoy it himself.
”Thanks for the offer,” she says at last. “But I’m probably going to be working late.”
Sam doesn’t miss the worry in Daniel’s eyes. Thankfully he doesn’t voice it, although she knows he wants to. “Okay,” he replies, sliding off her desk. “You’re sure?”
Sam nods, willing herself not to cry. “Yeah,” she murmurs, her voice cracking. “I’m sure.”
She does, in fact, work past her time to clock out. After awhile she forgets that time has even passed, until a sudden knock on her door startles her to awareness.
Sam looks up to see Janet standing in the doorway. She’s dressed in civvies now - her favorite denim romper and a white sweater with the arms tied around her neck. She’s carrying a purse on her left shoulder and holding a wine bottle and two glasses in her hands.
“I heard you didn’t go out for dinner, so I thought I’d bring something to you before I head out.”
Sam makes a face. “That isn’t dinner.”
Janet smiles and walks into the room, placing the bottle and glasses atop Sam’s desk. “No,” she replies. “But this is.”
She reaches into her purse and pulls out a sandwich wrapped in plastic. “I always pack an extra in case I work late and get hungry. Commissary isn’t open after hours.”
Janet lays the sandwich down in front of Sam. “You need to eat,” she says gently.
Sam fights back the urge to snap. She rarely if ever gets angry at Janet, but everything feels like an invasion of privacy these days. She knows she’s wallowing, but she almost doesn’t want to stop. Especially when it’s what she deserves. All these gestures of kindness are just getting in the way of her self-imposed punishment.
Instead of giving in to that urge, however, she forces herself to take a deep breath and offers Janet an appreciative smile. “Thanks,” she murmurs, picking up the sandwich and unwrapping it. It’s nothing fancy - just ham, turkey, cheese, and lettuce on wheat. She takes a bite. It’s good despite its simplicity. Jonas would’ve liked it, and he would’ve gone so far as to compliment Janet on her sandwich-making skills. The thought makes Sam’s heart ache.
Janet pulls up a nearby chair and sits next to her. “I had this saved too,” she says, picking up the wine bottle and unscrewing the cap. “You know, for rainy days.”
She pours two helpings of pink liquid into the glasses, then hands one to Sam. Sam takes it without hesitation and downs two thirds of it in one go. The warm buzz in her head is a welcome relief from the cold sting of her lingering grief. She takes another sip, not caring that Janet’s concerned eye is scrutinizing her every move.
Janet doesn’t speak again until Sam finishes the sandwich. “Look, Sam,” she starts, her expression growing hesitant, “I know you probably don’t want to talk about anything.”
I sure as hell don’t, Sam thinks. She takes another sip of wine.
”But I’m worried about you,” Janet goes on. “We all are.”
It’s what Sam was expecting to hear, but the expectation doesn’t do much to soften the blow. “I’m fine,” she says a little too curtly.
”Sam,” Janet continues, undeterred, “we’ve been friends for a long time now. You know that’s not going to work on me.”
Sam sets down her glass, once again battling the urge to lose her cool. “What do you want me to say, then?” she sighs.
Janet cocks her head at her. “I don’t know,” she answers. “Maybe start with what you couldn’t say to the others?”
Sam empties her glass and pours herself another. “There’s nothing left to say.”
Janet reaches out and stills Sam’s hand before she can take a drink. “You’ve hardly said anything about it at all,” she argues.
Sam lets out another sigh and slumps in her chair. She gets the feeling that Janet isn’t going to leave the base until she agrees to talk. “Janet, you don’t understand,” she mutters.
Janet frees Sam’s hand from the glass and curls her fingers around her palm. “Try me.”
Sam swallows. Yet another lump is forming in her throat now, and the wine’s aftertaste is growing bitter in her mouth. “I can’t,” she whispers, blinking back tears. “Janet, I can’t.”
Janet squeezes her hand. “What happened to Jonas wasn’t your fault,” she says softly.
That does it. The dam holding back her emotion cracks, then bursts. All at once, her guilt, her pain, and her self-loathing break free, rushing into the space between them.
”Yes it was,” Sam sobs, choking on her words. “I’m the reason he’s dead.”
Janet shakes her head. “Sam,” she counters, “it was an accident - “
”I lied.”
Janet frowns in confusion. “What do you mean?”
Sam takes a shaky breath. The tears she fought so hard to contain are now streaming down her face. “I didn’t put everything into the report,” she admits. “It wasn’t just some freak accident. He…he knocked me out of the way and got hit with that fucking dart instead. I tried to save him with one of those stupid glowworms but I didn’t make it back in time.”
She yanks her hand free of Janet’s grasp and covers her face with her palms. Jonas’ voice appears in the back of her mind again, taunting her with the echo of her failure.
Sam, I love you. Sam, I love you. Sam, I love -
”Oh, Sam,” Janet says, wrapping her arm around Sam’s shoulders. “I’m so sorry.”
Sam lets out a muffled cry and sobs into her hands. Janet pulls her close, letting her rest her head on her shoulder. “It’s okay,” she murmurs, rubbing Sam’s back in an attempt to soothe her. “It’s not your fault.”
Sam lowers her hands and shakes her head. “Yes it is,” she protests again. “He knew it was coming because that was what he saw in his vision. He’d be alive if he hadn’t pushed me out the way.”
Janet pulls back to look at her. “But then you wouldn’t be alive.”
Sam grimaces, staring down at her lap. “That’s the point. I was supposed to die. Not him.”
Janet gently tilts Sam’s chin up so that they’re eye to eye. “Sam,” she sighs, “ever since he had that vision, all he wanted to do was save you.”
”Well he shouldn’t have.” Sam’s voice is bitter, almost angry now.
Janet squeezes Sam’s shoulder. “Look,” she says, “I know this won’t mean anything to you now. But he did everything to make sure you’d make it out alive. I think the best way to honor that is to go on living the life he wanted you to keep.”
Sam holds Janet’s gaze. She doesn’t know why she says what she says next, but perhaps it’s because the burden is now too much for her to bear alone.
”He told me he loved me,” she whispers.
Janet’s eyes widen.
Sam swallows. “And I couldn’t say it back.”
Janet’s expression softens. “Oh, Sam.”
Sam breaks down again. “He died without hearing me say it back,” she sobs. “Janet, he saved me and I let him die thinking I didn’t care about him.”
Janet gathers Sam into her arms, holding her tight. “I’m sure he knew,” she murmurs, stroking Sam’s hair.
”You don’t know that,” Sam mumbles.
”Maybe not,” Janet replies. “But I do know what he was like. And I know that he wouldn’t want you to go on hating yourself like this.”
Sam sniffles and squeezes her eyes shut. The pain of her admission is so overwhelming it feels as if her body is being torn apart. “I miss him,” she whispers.
”I know.”
Sam cries into Janet’s shoulder until all her energy is spent. When the tears finally stop coming, Janet pulls back again and rubs her arms. “Do you want to stay over tonight? You can sleep in Cassie’s room.”
Sam wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. The idea doesn’t sound half-bad, but a part of her still wants to be alone. “I don’t know,” she mumbles. “I need to check on Schrödie.”
”We can swing by your place first,” Janet says. She pulls a spare tissue out of her purse and hands it to Sam. “You can grab some clothes too.”
Sam considers that for a moment. She still isn’t sure how she feels about Janet babysitting her, but then again she insisted on doing the same for Jonas back before -
Before he died, she thinks automatically.
Her heart seizes in her chest.
Janet takes Sam’s hands in her own. “I don’t think you should be alone right now,” she murmurs.
At last, Sam gives in and nods in agreement. “Okay,” she says quietly. “I can stay over.”
Janet smiles and squeezes her hands before letting them go. “I’ll meet you at the elevator when you’re done tidying up here, okay?”
Sam glances at the scattered papers on her desk. “Okay,” she replies. She then looks back at Janet, who is now collecting the wine bottle and glasses. “Janet?”
”Yeah?”
Sam takes a deep breath. “Thank you.”
Janet flashes her another smile. “Don’t mention it,” she says softly. “That’s what friends are for.”
Sam is sad again when she comes back home.
She’s always sad these days, and Schrödinger suspects it has something to do with the fact that Jonas - or Jo-Jo, as he likes to refer to him - isn’t around anymore. He doesn’t know why Jo-Jo has mysteriously vanished, but he can tell that Sam misses him. If he’s being honest with himself, he misses Jo-Jo too. And it’s not just because Jo-Jo snuck him treats or gave him good belly scratches whenever he came to visit (which was often). No, the most important thing about Jo-Jo was the fact that he always made Sam smile. She hadn’t been all starry-eyed and giggly like that in a long time, not even when she was with that Pete man (whom Schrödie honestly never liked). It made Schrödinger happy to see Sam so happy.
But Jo-Jo is gone now, and the light in her eyes seems to have disappeared along with him. She rarely ever smiles anymore. Instead, she spends most of her time either trudging around the house like a zombie or crying. Schrödinger hates it when Sam cries. He tries very hard to comfort her in her distress, plopping down on top of her and offering his head for scratches. But even the scratches don’t seem to calm her down anymore, at least not the way they used to. They’re especially ineffective at nighttime, when she wakes up sobbing in her bed, mumbling tearful apologies to Jo-Jo into her pillow. Schrödinger doesn’t know why she keeps apologizing to Jo-Jo when he isn’t there. Did something bad happen to him? Did Sam do something bad to him? He can’t imagine Sam ever hurting Jo-Jo, at least not intentionally. But whatever happened must have been bad enough to make Sam this upset.
Schrödinger hops onto Sam’s bed as she packs a bag with clothes, a towel, and one of those funny teeth-brushing sticks. She must be going on a trip somewhere, since she only packs like this when she isn’t planning to sleep at home.
”Mrrow?” he trills questioningly.
Sam looks up and pats him on the head. “I’m staying with Auntie Janet tonight,” she explains. “Be a good boy and don’t knock anything over, okay?”
”Brrp,” Schrödinger says in agreement. He usually likes knocking things over, but he doesn’t want to make Sam any more upset than she already is.
Sam smiles at him, although the smile is far too sad for his liking. She zips up her bag. “I’ll be back tomorrow, all right?”
Schrödinger gives her a gentle head bonk and purrs when she scratches him behind the ears.
Sam leans down and kisses his nose before hoisting the bag onto her shoulder and leaving the room. Schrödinger jumps off the bed and trots after her, intending to see her off at the front door. But halfway there she suddenly pauses, distracted by something in the kitchen.
”Ruoww?” he asks, rubbing up against her ankle.
Sam starts moving again, this time walking towards the big food box she calls a friggerator. Schrödinger follows her. Maybe she’s fetching a snack to bring to Auntie Janet’s house. A smart move, if he says so himself. Extra snacks are always a good idea, especially when you aren’t feeling good. That was something he and Jo-Jo wholeheartedly agreed on.
But, to his surprise, Sam doesn’t go the friggerator. Instead, she stops right next to it, leans over the counter, and plucks something off of the kitchen windowsill. Schrödinger can’t see what the object is at first. But then Sam turns around, and he spies the item resting in her hands. It’s that odd little thing that smells a bit like fish, round and scaly with a pearly inside that shines whenever the sunlight hits it. A shell, he thinks it’s called. He vaguely recalls Jo-Jo mentioning once that he gave it her.
Sam stares at the shell for a moment, running her thumb across its surface. Her eyes grow glassy with tears. Schrödinger bumps her ankle again, worried that she might start crying. But, thankfully, she doesn’t. She simply gazes at the shell for a second longer before sniffling and stuffing it into her pocket.
”Errp?” Schrödinger chirps. Are you all right?
Sam crouches down and scratches his chin. “I’m okay, Schrödie,” she whispers, although she doesn’t sound like she fully believes it. “I’ll see you tomorrow, sweetie.”
She gives him another kiss and rises to her feet. Schrödinger follows her to the door. She unlocks it and grants him one last sad smile before stepping over the threshold. He hears the lock click into place from the outside.
”Woaw,” he sighs, listening to her footsteps as she makes her way across the porch.
Schrödinger then trots into the living room and hops up onto his perch by the window. Sam is getting into Auntie Janet’s car now, closing the door behind her as she slides into the front passenger seat. He slow-blinks a few times, although Sam is no longer there to see it. If only she understood just how worried he is about her.
But, he supposes, his worries will just have to remain unnoticed for now. The car pulls into the street, and he lets out another mournful whimper as he watches it drive away.
He can only hope that one day soon something good might come along, something good enough to make Sam feel happy again.
Notes:
The title of this chapter is taken from the lyrics of "Wish That You Were Here" by Florence & The Machine. I thought the song as a whole fit Sam's emotional state in this chapter, particularly the chorus.
I knew I wanted Sam to have a conversation with at least one friend in this chapter, but I wasn't sure which until I actually got to writing. I ended up splitting that idea into two sections - the one with Daniel and and the one with Janet. Since Sam's close with both of them, I ultimately didn't want to sacrifice one scene for the other.
The final scene with Schrödinger is an idea I've wanted to incorporate into this fic series for awhile. It's inspired by the fic "Diary of a Cat" by samsg1 , which is written entirely from Schrödie's POV 😸
Chapter 14: breathe in the light
Notes:
Hello again. So, as promised, the plot is going somewhere again, so thank you for your patience through these past few chapters of angst 😭 As always I truly appreciate your support ❤️
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Sam wakes the next morning in Cassie’s bed. Her surrogate niece is away on a trip with her college friends and won’t be back for another week. Janet offered to let Sam use the space until then, but Sam isn’t sure she wants to. The allure of solitude is too strong, although she’s admittedly starting to grow weary of mourning by herself.
A sliver of sunlight slips through a crack in the blinds. Sam squints and turns away from the window. Her gaze lands on an array of artwork plastered to the wall. Some of the art is Cassie’s own work, paintings and sketches done over the years since she first started taking an interest in art back in middle school. Others are art prints from various movies and TV shows. Cassie grew rather fond of Earth media after Janet adopted her, and the obsession has never really worn off. It was something she and Jonas bonded over once he met her. Sam can’t help but smile as a reel of happy memories begins to play in the back of her mind. Cassie was always excited when Sam brought him over to visit, often dragging him off to the side to discuss theories about some series they were both in the middle of watching. He even convinced Janet at one point to let him accompany her to a local convention, which they both dragged Sam to as well. That was the time he wanted to dress up as Westley, insisting that it “wouldn’t be right” if Westley attended without a Buttercup. Cass agreed, and Sam eventually caved to the pressure. She remembers the costumes turning out better than expected. She also remembers Cass making a big deal of snapping photos of her and Jonas in couple’s poses. In retrospect she realizes that Cass probably thought the two of them were cute together. Of course. Why hadn’t she seen it before?
But that’s the thing about hindsight - it’s often far clearer than your view of things in the moment. Sam holds back a sigh. She wishes, and not for the first time, that she hadn’t spent so long biting her tongue when it came to her feelings. If she knew beforehand what was going to happen to Jonas, then maybe…
No, she can’t allow herself to use that as an excuse. She had an opportunity to be honest before he died, and she wasted it. She deserves to shoulder the burden of shame for that, no matter how much Janet might say that she doesn’t.
Her gaze continues to drift along the wall of artwork. It lands, almost predictably, on an art print of Westley and Buttercup depicted in the style of “The Kiss” by Gustav Klimt. The original is one of Cassie’s favorite paintings, and Sam recalls it being a favorite of Jonas’ too. A love of art was another thing the two shared, since Jonas himself was surprisingly skilled at drawing. Cass bought him a sketchbook one Christmas, which he was so enamored with he carried it with him everywhere for awhile. Sam remembers catching him sketching in it a few times during mission briefings. He always claimed afterwards that he was just taking notes, but Sam knew better. The sketchbook is still on a shelf in his office.
She hasn’t yet had the heart to look at it.
The alarm on her wristwatch goes off before she has the chance to stew in her grief any further. Finally letting out a sigh, she pulls back the covers and slips out of bed. Time to go back to work and act like life can somehow go back to normal. She knows deep down, however, that it probably never will.
Sam spends most of the day in Jonas’ old office, organizing more notes on the Asterion device. She flips through his journal at one point, fighting back the tears that inevitably try to surface. The pages are filled to the margins, featuring addendums to his main notes and a variety of doodles. Some of the doodles are of the device and the crystal, but most of them are random. She almost laughs when she spies a cartoon of Schrödinger with a piece of turkey bacon hanging out of his mouth. A thought bubble that reads, “Mom never has to know…” hovers over his head.
Sam smiles sadly and flips the page. The next several pages are labeled “Ring Combos” at the top, followed by a series of symbols all arranged in different orders. These are the combinations Jonas tried when he was attempting to figure out how to either unlock or activate the rings on the device. Sam scans the pages, taking note of how each failed combination has a line drawn through it to cross it off the list. She wonders briefly how close Jonas was to cracking the code. Would things have been different if he found the right one before they left on the mission? She sighs. No, of course not. That’s just wishful thinking on her part. All signs seemed to point towards the crystal being drained of power, and even if they had managed to open the device’s outer casing, the crystal still would have remained inactive. They would’ve had to return to the planet anyway to search for a new one, and everything most likely would have unfolded in the same way.
Sam places the journal down on Jonas’ desk. She checks her watch, realizing that she’s worked past lunch time again. Someone is bound to check up on her soon, and she has to bite back the urge to groan in irritation. Right now she just wants to be left alone. Visiting Jonas’ office today has been hard enough. She can’t bear the thought of facing one of her friends and seeing the “Poor Sam” look in their eyes for the umpteenth time. So far she’s been doing a decent job of restraining herself from lashing out, but she’s not sure how long that’s going to last.
Sam decides it’s best to shut the office door. Maybe then no one will bother her. After doing so, she makes her way back over to the desk. She’s about to sit down when her eyes catch sight of something on the bookshelf across the room. It’s Jonas’ sketchbook, the one Cassie gave to him as a Christmas present. Although she doesn’t know why, Sam feels a sudden urge to abandon her work and take a look at it. At first she hesitates, wondering if poking through his private things is appropriate even though he’s no longer around to protest. But after a moment her curiosity wins out, and she stands up, crosses the room, and pulls the sketchbook off the shelf.
The cover is simple, just black faux leather secured with an elastic strap. Sam gingerly tugs the strap aside and opens the book. Jonas’ name is scrawled on the inside flap, followed by a smiley face. Slowly, Sam begins to turn the pages. The first few are covered with standard sketches - life drawings and drawings of random objects, mostly. But as the pages go on, the sketches start to become more detailed and specific. There are several small sketches of Jonas and the team (a good number of them of just him and Daniel), some of Cassie and Janet, and others of her and Schrödinger. She smiles as she passes a sketch of the two of them eating funnel cake at the fair. He really did love that funnel cake. Her heart starts to ache at the fact that he’ll never get to try any more new foods, so she turns the page again to dispel the thought from her mind.
The next section of the sketchbook, however, brings her heart to a full stop. These pages are filled with nothing but sketches of her. Her various hairstyles, her smiles, her frowns - every look and every expression has been lovingly cataloged with the utmost detail and care. A lump starts to form in her throat. She can’t remember him ever telling her that she was beautiful, but the sketches speak for themselves. All that time, this was how he saw her. Sam’s eyes fill with tears as she continues to flip through the pages. Her breath catches when she lands on a full-page portrait of her. The words “prelim sketch - transfer to ink and color” are written in the top left corner, and she wonders if Jonas was planning on giving her the finished version as a gift. The thought that he never got to complete it shatters what little resolve she has left, and she breaks down crying again.
She’s about to shut the sketchbook when something slips out from among the pages and falls onto the floor. Sam crouches down to pick it up. It’s a colored sketch of Westley and Buttercup with the caption, “Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while,” written in fancy script at the bottom. Sam stands back up, her eyes glued to the drawing. That line is the same one Jonas quoted in her dream, back when she was still stuck in the caves. Something starts to niggle at the back of her mind. She never used to put much stock in the significance of her dreams, but ever since Jonas’ first experience with precognition, she’s learned to keep an open mind. True, perhaps his appearance was nothing more than a subconscious attempt to process her grief. But maybe, in a way beyond her capacity to understand, he was trying to send her some kind of message…
Sam closes the sketchbook and places it back on the shelf. She then carries the drawing over to the desk and lays it down next to Jonas’ journal, looking back and forth between the drawing and the lines of scribbled symbols. For some reason she’s starting to get the feeling that the two things are connected somehow. But she’s missing something. Maybe the words correspond to certain symbols? She picks out the key words in her mind: death, stop, love, and delay. Then she flips back through the journal’s pages, searching for possible translations. Her search, however, comes up empty. The only note of relevance that she can find is one that reads, “Language unknown. Not Ancient, although it could be a different dialect that uses a hieroglyphic alphabet.”
Sam sighs in frustration. Maybe she’s just falling prey to wishful thinking again. Her brain most likely conjured up Dream-Jonas based off of her memories of him, many of which involved his love of The Princess Bride. If any correlation exists between that quote and the Asterion device, it’s merely coincidental.
Still, she could just be overlooking something…
She stuffs the drawing into the journal, closes it, and tucks it under her arm. She needs to clear her head. And there’s only one person on this base who can help her do just that.
Teal’c is surprised yet pleased to see her when she arrives at his door. To a stranger, his expression would look as impassive as ever. But Sam knows him well enough by now to be able to read the nuances that others usually miss.
”Colonel Carter,” he says, greeting her with a nod. “It is good to see you.”
”It’s good to see you too,” she replies, offering him a half-smile.
Teal’c takes a step forward. “Colonel Mitchell was concerned when you failed to join us for lunch again,” he remarks. “He intended to inquire after you, but I advised him that it would be unwise to disturb you.”
Sam’s face flushes. “Thanks,” she murmurs. “You didn’t have to do that.”
Teal’c meets her eyes, his demeanor growing more serious. “That being said,” he continues, “I must admit that I do share his concerns.”
Sam glances down at her feet, feeling a rush of embarrassment. “I’m sorry,” she mumbles. “I know I’ve been avoiding everybody lately. It’s just been hard, you know?”
She looks up to see Teal’c nodding again, his expression softening. “The loss of Jonas Quinn was an unexpected tragedy for all of us,” he says. “But I know that it has been especially difficult for you.”
Sam sniffles, willing herself not to cry. “Yeah,” she murmurs. “I haven’t exactly been dealing with it well.”
Teal’c steps closer and lays a hand on her shoulder. “Colonel Carter, you know that if you require anything from us, you need only ask.”
Sam wipes a stray tear away with the back of her hand. “Yeah,” she says again. “That’s actually, uh, what I came here to talk to you about.”
Teal’c raises an eyebrow.
She takes that as her cue to go on. “I’ve, um, been going through Jonas’ notes,” she explains. “And I’m kind of hung up on something I can’t quite figure out.” She takes a breath. “I was hoping…I was hoping you might be able to help me meditate on it?”
Teal’c smiles warmly at her. “Of course.”
Sam follows his lead as he invites her inside to sit on the floor. She sets Jonas’ journal down next to her. “I don’t need anything formal. Just some help clearing my mind.”
Teal’c closes the door and sets to work lighting a candle. “I would be happy to guide you through a simple meditation exercise,” he says, coming to sit opposite her.
Sam nods. She’s not sure what else to say, or if she should say anything at all.
Teal’c places the candle on the floor between them. “I find that for those who are not as experienced with regular meditative practice, it is helpful to begin with a focal point.”
Sam focuses her gaze on the bright yellow flame. “What do I do now?”
Teal’c extends his arms, and Sam places her hands in his own. “We will cycle through a few rounds of deep breathing,” he explains. “Then I will direct you to close your eyes.”
Sam nods again and begins to follow along as Teal’c counts out a pattern of inhales and exhales. Four to breathe in. Five to hold. Six to breathe out. After repeating the process a few times, Sam starts to feel her body relax and her eyelids grow heavy.
Teal’c then gives her hands a quick squeeze. “You may now close your eyes. As you do so, keep the image of the flame present in your mind.”
Sam does as she’s told. She imagines the candle still flickering, a steady point of light in the darkness.
”Now,” Teal’c says, “envision yourself taking the candle in your hands, and shining its light on the question you believe needs answering.”
Once again, Sam follows his lead. She imagines lifting the candle above Jonas’ journal, letting the light fall on his notes. She mentally flips through the pages, coming to a stop at the end of the section with the symbol combinations. Like before, all of the combinations have been crossed out.
Well, all of them except the last one.
”Wait, I think I see something,” Sam blurts out.
Teal’c squeezes her hands once more. “You do not need to inform me of what you encounter,” he says. “This journey of discovery is yours to undertake.”
Sam takes another breath and falls silent again. In her mind’s eye, she brings the light closer to the page in question. Sure enough, the last combination written there is the only one without a line drawn through it. She must have been so distracted by her grief and frustration that she missed it the first time through. Is this the one combination Jonas didn’t have the chance to try before they went on the mission? Is it possible that this is the code that could’ve unlocked or activated the device? But, Sam remembers, even if that were true, that still wouldn’t have solved the power issue. What good would the device have been if the crystal was still inoperative?
Unless, she thinks suddenly, it wasn’t inoperative at all.
Her eyes snap open.
”Colonel Carter?”
Sam blinks and lets go of Teal’c’s hands. “I’m okay,” she says, retrieving Jonas’ journal once her mind has returned to full awareness. “I just, um…I think I might’ve found something important.”
Teal’c nods in acknowledgement. “I am glad to hear it,” he replies. “Is there anything more that you require?”
Sam shakes her head. “No, I think I’m good.” Her body, once relaxed, is now buzzing with anticipation. She needs to get to the lab. Now.
Teal’c blows out the candle and helps her to her feet. “If you need any assistance in the future, Colonel, please do not hesitate to ask.”
Sam offers him a grateful smile. “Thank you, Teal’c. I really appreciate it.”
He smiles back. “Of course,” he says kindly. “You know my door is always open to you.”
The device is on a table in the middle of Lab 26, looking more like an oddly-shaped centerpiece than a piece of alien technology. It’s standing vertically at a height of about fifteen inches, giving Sam a proper head-on view of the metal rings, the glass casing, and the crystal housed inside. Upon entering the room, she lays Jonas’ journal down on the table and opens it to the last page labeled “Ring Combos.” Sure enough, the final combination written there is the only one that hasn’t been crossed off.
Sam glances between the symbols and the rings. Her heart is pounding now and her fingers are twitching with impatient curiosity. But a part of her is terrified to test the combination. What if it doesn’t work? What if she’s just getting her hopes up for nothing? What if she’s able to open the casing, but her new theory about the crystal is incorrect? What if she just hits another dead end?
Use that big brain of yours. You’ll figure something out.
Sam takes a deep breath, Dream-Jonas’ words echoing through her mind. She has to try. She owes him that much at least.
She reaches for the rings.
Sam moves the top ring around until it lands on a symbol of two overlapping circles. The device lets out a soft click once the symbol reaches the front of the casing. Her heart leaps, but she squashes the impulse to celebrate - there’s still two more symbols left to try. She then takes another breath and moves the middle ring, stopping once a symbol of two arrows facing in opposite directions lands in the same position. The device lets out a second soft click. Her breath catches in her throat.
Only one symbol left now.
Sam flexes her hands, willing them to stop shaking, and starts to move the bottom ring. She brings a symbol of what looks like a pair of hands releasing a bird into the air in line with the other two. Then she waits.
Click.
All of a sudden, the device comes to life. Sam steps back, watching in both awe and fascination as the device emits a whirring sound, followed by the rings spinning in rapid circles like an uncoiling spring. She then hears a pop and a hiss, and the glass casing splits apart. The top half rises up a few centimeters above the first ring, releasing a cloud of white smoke into the air.
Sam stares at the device in disbelief. It worked. It actually worked.
Carefully, she lifts the top half of the casing away and sets it down on the table. A bit more smoke spills out, filling the room with a strange metallic scent. Sam waves it away, resisting the urge to sneeze, and then directs her attention to the crystal. Nothing about it seems to have changed - it still looks as inactive as it did when the casing was closed. But just when she feels the impulse to give in to despair, another memory springs to mind.
From what I could gather, whoever designed it intended for it to operate by establishing a neural link with the user.
Sam holds her breath. That’s right. Dr. Augustine thought the device could emit a charge that could connect with the user’s brainwaves, therefore enabling it to sync up with the user’s memories. So maybe, just maybe, she simply needs to make contact with the crystal in order to activate it…
She reaches forward again. Her fingertips brush against the top of the crystal.
The crystal starts to glow.
In a flash, the answer that eluded both her and Jonas takes shape in her mind. They were wrong about the device. The casing was never the key. The casing is just that - an outer case meant to protect the crystal inside it, and nothing more. The rings are merely a locking mechanism to keep the case sealed. The casing isn’t the device.
The crystal itself is the device.
Sam’s heart flutters in her chest. All this time, the answer was right in front of them. They were just so busy overthinking that answer that they looked past it without even realizing. It was simple. So, so simple.
She pulls her hand away and glances back down at the journal. The drawing of Westley and Buttercup is still there, sitting next to the final page of symbols. Sam traces the sketch, lingering for a moment on Jonas’ signature before running her fingers over the inscription.
”Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.”
Death cannot stop true love.
Death cannot stop…
Sam’s head snaps up, her eyes locking onto the crystal. If all she needs to do is touch the crystal to make it work, then that means she can use it. She can jump back in time. She can go back to the planet, and back to the caves. She can stop what happened before it happens.
She can undo Jonas’ death.
A rush of emotion overwhelms her, and her eyes begin to fill with tears. All these weeks spent grieving, desperately wishing she could fix what she thought couldn’t be fixed, and the solution was right under her nose the whole time. She can reverse her failure. She can save his life. She can do what she couldn’t do before and give back what time stole away from him.
Sam takes a shaky breath, the tears now spilling down her face. You were right, she thinks, clinging to the image of Dream-Jonas in her mind. His smile, so full of hope now, fills her with a warmth she thought she’d never feel again. You were right.
This isn’t over yet.
Notes:
The title of this chapter is taken from the lyrics of "Oblivion" by M83 ft. Susanne Sundfør. The song as a whole fits Sam's situation in this section of the story, but that particular lyric I thought was a nice nod to the meditation scene.
I put in the references to Cassandra because I feel like if she and Jonas ever met they'd probably get along. They both moved to Earth from alien planets and had unfortunate run-ins with Nirrti, which I imagine would be things they'd bond over.
Although I'm sure most everyone is familiar with it, the Klimt painting referenced can be seen here.
Jonas' artistic talent isn't something explicitly mentioned on the show, but there's a brief shot of his notebook in "Prophecy" where you can see a detailed drawing on one of the pages. I just took the idea and decided to run with it.
I didn't originally plan for the Teal'c scene, but I was glad to include it since I liked the idea of him offering Sam support like he did in the previous fic. Their friendship is so sweet and I feel like it sometimes gets overlooked.
Lab 26 is a reference to Back to the Future. October 26, 1985, is the date when Marty McFly jumps back in time to 1955.
Chapter 15: someone's out there (sending out flares)
Notes:
Hello, everybody. We're in the endgame now, so the plot's going to be moving forward even more in this chapter. Thank you again for bearing with all the angst, I promise that there will be payoff for all the suffering I've put you and the characters through 😭 As always, I appreciate everyone who has followed along with this story so far - I cannot say enough how much it means to me to know that people are enjoying this fic despite how niche it is. Now, without further adieu, I'll leave you all to read ❤️
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
She’s barely clocked in when General Landry throws her a curveball.
It’s not intentional, of course. After her revelation the day before, Sam decided to keep quiet, at least until she had time to think things over. On the way home, she realized that she needed to formulate a plan before jumping back in time with the crystal. Although it activated on contact, Sam wasn’t sure how much power it actually contained. It was possible that it might only work for a limited amount of jumps, and if Sam wasn’t careful, she could get stranded in the past, unable to save Jonas and bring him back to the present. Or, alternatively, she could bring him back too late, missing out on the chance to try again if the crystal lost power. She might only have one shot to get this right - one shot she knew she couldn’t afford to waste.
So she stayed up late, drawing up said plan in her mind. She had to pick a point in time to jump back to. Fearing a possible time paradox, Sam decided it would be best to avoid an encounter with her past self. That meant she would need to jump to the moment right after she left Jonas to search for the purple worms. That wouldn’t give her much time to save him, so she would have to put a safeguard in place beforehand to ensure his survival. She’d have to visit Celia in her research lab first. Sam had heard talk of the entomologist developing a more concentrated anti-venom serum, using a few purple worm specimens she managed to collect during her time in the caves. If the serum was ready, then Sam could simply jump back to the SGC with Jonas right away and have Celia or Janet administer it. If it wasn’t ready, she’d ask how long the timetable was, and figure out if she could stall the device’s shipment to Area 51.
Sam went to sleep eventually, feeling a renewed sense of hope. But those hopes are dashed the moment Landry calls her into his office.
”I’ve decided to expedite the transfer of the device to Area 51.”
Sam blinks at him, unsure if she’s heard correctly. “Expedite, sir?”
”Yes,” he replies, folding his hands atop his desk. “It’ll be shipped out tomorrow.”
Tomorrow?! Sam thinks, panicking. That’s far too soon. She hasn’t even talked to Celia yet.
”Is there any issue with that, Colonel?” Landry asks.
Issue? Oh, yes, there’s a major issue - a life or death one, in fact. But Sam isn’t certain she should elaborate. If she explains why she needs a little more time with the device, the general could veto her plan. She warned him before about the possibility of causing temporal disturbances by altering the past. He could determine that as noble as her intentions are, saving Jonas isn’t worth the risk. True, maybe she’s being reckless. Maybe she isn’t thinking straight. Maybe it’s selfish of her to prioritize one man’s life over the stability of an entire timeline. But she just can’t accept Jonas’ death, not when the chance to reverse it is literally sitting in a lab a few levels down.
Of course, if she shows up at the SGC with a living, breathing Jonas in her arms, Landry will no doubt put two and two together, and she’ll most certainly be in trouble. She’s well aware that her plan may end up jeopardizing her entire career. But if Jonas was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for her, then it’s only fair she does what she can to repay him. The loss of her job would still pale in comparison to the premature loss of his life.
Sam clears her throat, remembering that Landry is expecting an answer. “Um, no, there’s no issue, sir,” she lies, wringing her hands behind her back. “It’s just…” She pauses. “May I ask why you’re expediting the shipment?”
Landry leans back in his chair. “Well, the Area 51 scientists have wanted to take a look at it for awhile,” he explains. “And, if I’m being honest, it has been eating up a lot of your time.”
“Well yes, that’s true, sir,” Sam starts. “But you did ask me to put together a comprehensive report.”
”I know,” Landry replies. “But from what you’ve shown me it seems like your report is already pretty thorough.”
The look on Landry’s face gives away more than he’s saying. Sam swallows. “I see.”
The general eyes her for a moment before leaning forward again. “Look, Colonel,” he says gently, “I’m not trying to cut your work short. But to tell you the truth, I’ve been a bit concerned about you. Colonel Mitchell tells me you’ve been so consumed by this project that you’ve hardly spent any time outside your office.”
Sam suppresses a sigh. She should’ve known it would come to this. “I’m doing okay, sir,” she mumbles. “Really.”
Landry holds her gaze. “You’re sure?”
Sam nods. “Yes, sir.”
Landry nods back. “All right then. I’ll hold you to that. But if you do have any trouble, try giving Dr. Lam a visit? I don’t want to have to make it mandatory.”
Sam inhales, keeping her emotions in check. “Of course, sir.”
The general leans back in his seat. “Well, I suppose that’s settled then. You’re dismissed, Colonel.”
Sam forces another polite nod. But as she exits the room, she knows for a fact that her time has just run out.
Sam doesn’t waste a moment heading to Celia’s lab. Her heart is racing and her head is spinning, and she knows for certain now that she’s being completely reckless. But she tells herself that she doesn’t have a choice. If she doesn’t act quickly, she’ll lose her only chance to put things right.
Celia is sitting at the right end of the lab, her head bent over a microscope. Sam hesitates in the doorway. She feels a bit guilty for interrupting the entomologist’s work, but she forces the emotion down and knocks on the door.
Celia looks up and blinks in surprise. “Oh, hi,” she says, slipping off her stool.
”Hi,” Sam mumbles awkwardly.
She stands there for a moment, not knowing what else to say. Celia walks towards her, her brow creased in what could either be curiosity or confusion. “Is there anything I can do for you, Colonel?”
Sam finally steps forward. “Call me Sam, please.”
”Of course.”
Sam takes a deep breath, struggling to organize her thoughts. She hasn’t had time to prepare an explanation for her visit, and now she’s fumbling for the right words. “I, um…I heard about that serum you’re developing.”
Celia’s expression shifts to one of pity. Sam isn’t the least bit surprised. “Oh,” she says quietly. “Yes, it’s been coming along.”
Another silence passes between them before Sam speaks again. What can she say to make this seem less intrusive? “Look, I don’t mean to bother you,” she starts, “but I guess I just…needed some kind of closure.”
It’s not a lie, not entirely. It’s just that the closure she’s seeking definitely isn’t what the entomologist has in mind. “I see,” Celia murmurs. “Well, I’m willing to answer any questions you have.”
She gestures to one of the lab tables, inviting Sam to sit down. Sam perches herself on a stool and folds her hands atop the table. “I guess I’m still wondering why the anti-venom didn’t work. You know, when…”
”When you tried to save Jonas?”
Sam nods, the horrifying memory flashing through her mind. “Yeah.”
Celia sighs and sits on the stool next to her. “Well,” she begins, “I’m not sure how much blue worm venom that dart contained. But I’m guessing it was a high enough dose that the anti-venom from just one purple worm wasn’t enough to fully counteract it.”
Sam bites her lip, mulling that over. “So, he would’ve needed a larger dose to survive.”
Celia nods. “Yes, most likely.”
Sam takes a breath. ”How large?”
Celia frowns. “I’m not sure exactly. But based on what I’ve learned so far, it seems as if the amount of venom from one blue bite is proportional to the amount of anti-venom from one purple bite. If a single purple worm wasn’t enough to save Jonas, the dart probably contained the equivalent of multiple blue bites. How many, I don’t know, but it probably would’ve taken the same amount of purple bites to reverse the effects.”
Sam’s brow furrows, the gears in her mind turning. “So your serum,” she asks, “how many purple bites is that equivalent to?”
“About three,” Celia replies.
Sam glances at her hands. ”And is it…effective?”
Celia pauses a moment before answering. “I’ve tested it on some of the lab mice,” she explains. “And so far it seems to be working.”
Sam fiddles with her fingers, thinking over her next move. She needs to know if she can guarantee Jonas’ recovery, but she has to ask carefully to avoid arousing any suspicion. “Can I ask a hypothetical question?”
Celia eyes her curiously. “Of course.”
Sam takes another breath. “If - hypothetically - you were to administer a dose of the serum and it still wasn’t enough to save the patient, could you safely administer another?”
Celia nods. “Yes, theoretically I could,” she answers. “The thing is, the higher the dose of blue venom, the faster it’ll kill. The purple anti-venom is very effective at the right dosage, but it still has to be administered in a timely manner if the patient has any hope of making it out alive.”
Sam swallows back the lump in her throat. “Okay,” she says, fighting back a surge of anxiety. She glances at a cooler across the room. “Is that it? The serum, I mean.”
Celia looks over her shoulder. “Yep.” She turns back around. “There aren’t a lot of vials yet since I’ve only just started, but General Landry wants me to stock up in case we have any more run-ins with the blues on return visits to the planet. He also told me that the less…unsavory locals were interested in negotiating an alliance. Offering them some of the serum would be part of the agreement.”
Sam nods again, filing the information away for later. Right now there’s a more pressing matter to attend to. “Thank you,” she says softly, meeting Celia’s eyes. “For taking the time to talk.”
Celia reaches out and squeezes her arm. “Of course,” she murmurs. “Look, Col - Sam - I know this won’t change anything. But you did everything you could under the circumstances. There’s no reason for you to blame yourself for what happened.”
Sam can’t help but disagree with that, but she says nothing, not wanting to waste any more time. “Thank you,” she repeats, laying her hand atop Celia’s. “That means a lot.”
Celia offers her a sad smile before pulling away. “Is there anything else you wanted to know?”
Sam stands up and shakes her head. “No,” she replies. “I think I’ve learned everything I need to.”
”Okay,” the entomologist says, escorting her to the door. “But if you think you need anything else, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
Sam turns back to her before leaving. “I won’t,” she promises, forcing herself to smile. Trust me, I won’t.
Not long after her visit with Celia, Sam returns to Lab 26. She snuck her vest and backpack out of the women’s locker room while most everyone was at lunch, not wanting to invite questions. She figured it’d be best to be prepared, although she isn’t going on an approved mission.
She runs through the plan in her mind as she shrugs on her vest. Jump back to the cavern, avoid her past self, jump forward with Jonas, get Celia to administer the serum. That’s it. No distractions and no detours. The only variable left is whether or not the crystal will work as it’s supposed to.
Sam hoists her backpack onto her shoulders, then directs her focus to the device. She opens the casing with the ring combination she used before and gingerly lifts the crystal onto the table. Once again, it starts to glow at her touch, this time emitting a low humming sound the longer she maintains contact.
Sam lets go of the crystal for a moment to pull her dog tags out from underneath her shirt collar. Jonas’ ring is hanging next to them on the chain. It’s not regulation, but after she returned from their ill-fated mission, she just couldn’t bring herself to leave it at home. In some small way, carrying the ring with her has felt like keeping a piece of Jonas close by - a constant reminder that he was real and that his love for her was real even if she was too afraid to accept it. And besides, she promised to look after it for him. Sam runs her thumb over the gold symbol etched on its surface, remembering the earnest look in Jonas’ eyes when he first gave it to her. She realizes suddenly that she never thought to ask him what the symbol means, but she tells herself that she’ll have plenty of time to say everything she couldn’t once she brings him back. Because she’s going to bring him back, no matter what. She can’t fail this time. She won’t fail this time.
Sam lifts the ring to her lips and kisses it gently before tucking it back under her collar. She’s trembling now, the reality of what she’s about to do finally sinking in. She takes a deep breath and places her hands on either side of the crystal.
The crystal starts to glow again, the humming growing louder with each passing second. Sam takes another breath and closes her eyes. She knows that she has to time this exactly right or she’ll miss her shot. Heart pounding, she clears her mind of all thoughts except the one that matters - the memory of her going to look for the purple worms. She envisions herself running out of the cavern, leaving Jonas alone as he fights for his life.
A hot tingle starts to creep up her arms. The humming escalates to a loud buzz, causing the crystal to vibrate and rattle the table beneath it. Sam keeps her eyes squeezed shut. Whatever’s about to happen, she can feel that it’s going to happen soon, and she can’t afford to break her concentration. She focuses in on the image of Jonas lying on the ground, waiting for her to return, waiting for a rescue that will come too late. Except this time, she won’t be too late. This time -
All of a sudden, a jolt of electricity shoots through her. And before Sam can register what’s happening, she feels the floor open up beneath her feet, sending her hurtling down into an endless abyss.
Notes:
The title of this chapter is taken from the lyrics of "Flares" by The Script. I thought the song was a fitting reference to Sam's grief, since the song opens up with "Did you lose what won't return?/Did you love but never learn?" and "Did you find it hard to breathe?/Did you cry so much that you could barely see?" It ultimately ends on a hopeful note, though, which I thought was a nice nod to the end of the chapter.
As Sam herself pointed out, she is definitely being reckless (for her, anyway) in regards to her time travel shenanigans, which may or may not be important at a later date...
The Sam & Celia bit was surprisingly one of my favorite parts to write. I wasn't originally intending to have Celia be such a major player in the story, but characters always take on a life of their own, and who was I to refuse? I did like the idea of Sam connecting with her, since Celia's a sweetheart and could easily empathize with her situation, given the parallel between Sam's feelings for Jonas and her feelings for Cam (which were referenced in an earlier chapter).
Once again, I apologize for leaving yet another installment on a cliffhanger, but I thought this was a good place to end it before jumping (no pun intended) to the next section of the story. Don't worry, we're in the home stretch now ❤️
Chapter 16: how to save a life
Notes:
Hello again! After a long and torturous road, we're finally at the most pivotal chapter. I've been really excited to get to this bit for awhile, so I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. As always, thank you so much for your support ❤️ I can't express enough how much I appreciate it.
CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER
-depiction of medical distress
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Sam doesn’t know if she screams.
All she knows is the sensation of falling through empty space, the world rushing past her in a frenzied blur. Her body feels as if it’s being torn apart - cold air clawing at her skin and yanking her limbs in every direction. The longer she falls, the more the pain grows, and at some point she worries that she’s going to black out and land in the past in an unconscious heap. But just when she thinks she can’t bear the agony of the jump any longer, she hits the ground with a loud thump.
Sam blinks a few times, fighting back a wave of nausea. Eventually, the world stops spinning, and realizes that she’s lying in a tunnel. A very familiar tunnel, lit overhead by an eerie blue glow.
Sam bolts upright, letting out a gasp. It worked, she thinks, her heart leaping in her chest. Holy shit, it worked.
There’s no time to marvel at her success, however. Sam glances back at the crystal, which she’s now holding in her lap. It’s still active, but its light seems to have dimmed somewhat, no doubt indicating a decrease in power. She prays that it’ll still have enough energy to complete the second jump.
She stuffs the crystal into her backpack and takes stock of her surroundings. From the looks of it, she seems to be in the cavern’s exit tunnel, the one she escaped through after Jonas died. The crystal must have dropped her in the general vicinity of her memory rather than in the exact place at the exact moment. Or, at least, that’s what she hopes. If it messed up the timing and brought her back too late, then this whole journey will have been for nothing, and she can’t have that.
Once she gets her bearings, Sam heads in the direction she thinks will lead back to the cavern. It doesn’t take long before she spies the opening up ahead. Please don’t be too late, she begs, moving as fast as her legs will carry her.
”Sam.”
The unexpected sound hits her with a force so great that it nearly brings her to her knees. It can’t be. It can’t. But it is. It’s his voice. Jonas’ voice. The voice she thought she’d never hear again.
”Sam, I have to…tell you something.”
Sam’s head starts to spin. He’s alive. Oh god, he’s alive. Fighting to survive, yes, but alive and breathing and speaking her name. She isn’t too late. She actually made it in time. She can save him.
She can save him.
”Jonas,” she whispers, her eyes filling with tears.
She sprints the rest of the way up the tunnel, ducking behind the lip of the entrance when she approaches. As much as she wants to rush forward and gather Jonas into her arms, she still has to wait until her past self leaves the cavern. She peeks around the corner, watching the all-too familiar scene with morbid fascination as her own voice reaches her ears.
“Jonas, I have to go right now,” past-her is saying. “You can tell me later, okay?”
Sam’s breath catches when she sees Jonas lying on the ground, his body contorted in pain but still very much alive. A lump begins to rise in her throat, but she swallows it back, willing herself to focus. She’ll have time to succumb to her emotions later. Right now she’s on a mission.
Jonas is shaking his head, clutching her past self’s hand in his own. “No…” he croaks, his voice weak. “It has to be…now.”
Past-her fidgets restlessly. “Okay,” she says. “What is it?”
Sam’s stomach lurches. She knows what’s coming next - the moment that’s haunted her day in and day out, imprisoning her in a cage of her own regret. A part of her can’t bear to relive it, even from a distance. But another part of her forces herself not to look away. She deserves to witness the aftermath of her failure, to see the way her silence hurt him more than words ever could.
”Sam, I love you.”
Sam battles another surge of tears as the words sink in. She wants yet again to run to his side, to hold him close and give him the answer he deserves. But instead she watches her past self stare back at him - saying nothing, giving him nothing. She can’t quite make out Jonas’ face, but the tension in the air says it all. She broke his heart. She broke his heart and left him to die, and she can never, ever forgive herself -
Get it together, Carter, a voice in her mind scolds. You came here to fix this.
Right, she needs to focus. Suppressing a sob, she continues to watch as past-her rises to her feet, picks a glow rod up off the ground, and disappears into the other tunnel.
Now, she thinks.
Sam springs into action. The moment she’s sure her past self is gone, she leaps out from her hiding place and makes a beeline for Jonas. He’s writhing in pain and gasping for air, but the coughing hasn’t started yet, so she knows she still has a little bit more time.
“Jonas,” she chokes out, dropping to her knees.
His skin is deathly pale and a web of purple veins is starting to creep up his neck. But when his eyes - his beautiful, blue-green eyes - meet hers, she knows he’s still there.
”Jonas,” she repeats, cradling his face as her resolve finally breaks. Her body starts to tremble as she lets out a sob. “Oh, Jonas.”
Jonas peers up at her in confusion. “Sam?” he mumbles. “How did you…you just went - ”
Sam interrupts him with a kiss, stroking his hair when she pulls away. “I don’t have time to explain,” she says. “You just have to trust me, okay?”
He nods, although the look of confusion remains. Sam moves so that she’s sitting by his shoulders and hauls his upper body onto her lap.
Jonas’ breathing starts to grow shallow. “Sam,” he gasps, his eyes widening with fear. “Sam…I can’t…breathe…”
”I’ve got you,” she cuts in, desperation now gnawing at her insides. She reaches behind her and pulls the crystal out of her backpack. It glows again on contact, but the light is even dimmer than it was before. She fights back a surge of panic. “I need you to hold onto this, all right?”
Jonas frowns. “You found…a crystal?”
Sam balances the crystal on his stomach and places his hands on either end. The fading light starts to flicker. “I’ll tell you later,” she replies, curling her hands around his own. “Right now I need you to close your eyes and hold on tight, you got that?”
He nods again, his chest heaving. “Yeah.”
”Okay.”
Sam leans down and presses a kiss to his forehead before squeezing her eyes shut. She draws up her prepared memory, the image of Celia’s lab just before she left to make the jump.
Jonas coughs.
Heart pounding, Sam tightens her grip on the crystal and focuses even harder. The crystal starts to hum, then stops.
Jonas coughs again.
Sam’s chest seizes in terror. The crystal can’t be out of power, not yet. “Come on,” she urges, opening her eyes. “Come on!”
Jonas coughs a third time.
A scream of frustration works its way up her throat, but she pushes it down. “Come on,” she repeats. “Come on, please!”
”Sam,” Jonas wheezes, his eyes fluttering open. “Sam, I don’t think…I don’t think I’m gonna make it - ”
”Don’t you dare!” she shrieks, her vision blurring with more tears. “Don’t you dare give up on me!”
”Sam - “
”No!”
”Sam, it’s okay - “
“No, it’s not,” she sobs. “I can’t lose you. Not again.”
The crystal suddenly comes to life.
Before Sam can cry out in relief, the humming resumes, followed by the loud buzzing. Jonas’ jaw drops open in shock, but the buzzing sets off another round of coughs, and this time he can’t seem to stop.
”Jonas!” Sam cries. “Oh god, it’s okay. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s going to be okay - “
Another electric jolt shoots through her body, and in a flash, the cavern disappears.
Celia holds back a sigh as she watches Sam disappear down the hallway.
She wishes she could do more to help. She can only imagine what it must’ve been like, to watch Jonas succumb to the venom and be powerless to stop it. When Sam reunited with their group back on the planet, she was an inconsolable mess. Cam had to hold her against him the whole way back to the ‘gate. At the time, Celia had never seen the colonel in such a state. Sam was usually so calm and composed even in the most harrowing of circumstances, so to witness her completely fall apart was nothing less than a total shock. Celia still remembers the echo of her sobs and the way she clung to Cam during their trek, as if she needed something solid to anchor her to reality lest she collapse to the ground and slip away without it.
Celia suspects, however, that Sam didn’t particularly want to accept reality. She probably still doesn’t, and Celia can’t blame her. Sam never said a word about her relationship with Jonas, but it didn’t take a genius to recognize the bond between them. The loss of someone that close to you, someone you could’ve loved, must feel like losing a part of yourself. Celia wouldn’t wish it on her worst enemy. She shudders to think of how she would’ve felt in that situation, if she was forced to watch Cam die in front of her without any real means of saving him.
Sam finally rounds a corner at the end of the hall, and Celia takes that as her cue to return to her work. It’s no use dwelling on the past, she supposes, although if that time travel device in Lab 26 actually worked, then maybe the past could be fixed. That sort of thing isn’t Celia’s area of expertise though, so she’s not sure if the notion is anything more than wishful thinking. She knows that SG-1 has meddled with time before. But those incidents seem to be wild exceptions to the rule, and she’s almost certain that General Landry doesn’t want to make a habit of them.
Celia walks back to her work station and slips onto her stool. She’s about to re-adjust her microscope when the lab table suddenly starts to shake. Celia draws back, startled. At first she thinks it’s an earthquake, but when the base alarms remain silent, she realizes that something else must be happening.
A loud popping sound causes her to jump out of her seat.
Celia stumbles backward, nearly tripping over her stool in the process. The lab table stills, a momentary silence following in its wake. But then another sound shatters that silence, this one somewhat quieter and much more human.
It’s the sound of crying.
Startled once again, Celia rushes towards it. But when at last she sees the source of the commotion, she stops dead in her tracks.
”Celia,” a familiar voice sobs. “Celia, I need your help.”
Celia opens and closes her mouth a few times, her mind reeling with shock.
”Celia,” the voice repeats, more urgently this time. “Celia, please, he’s running out of time.”
Celia blinks, taking in the sight before her. For there, sitting on the floor just past the doorway, is none other than Colonel Samantha Carter.
Holding a living, breathing Jonas Quinn in her arms.
”Celia!” Sam cries, her voice growing desperate. “Celia, please, he’s - “
Jonas starts to cough.
Celia finally snaps out of her trance and runs towards them, kneeling on the ground by Jonas’ side. “Sam, what happened? I just saw you leave - “
”The crystal…I jumped…” Sam chokes. Celia looks down and sees the object in question lying across Jonas’ stomach. It’s flickering with a faint, almost ghostly light. All at once, the pieces fall into place. Somehow, Sam managed to make the time travel device work, and she brought Jonas back with her in the hopes that she could get a second chance at saving him.
Celia doesn’t have time to fully process this, however, because Jonas’ coughing begins to worsen. “Celia,” Sam says again, her eyes flooding with tears. “Celia, please, he needs the antidote now!”
Jonas’ body starts to convulse, and Sam lets out an anguished cry. “Oh god,” she sobs, frantically grabbing his face and then his arms and then his face again. “Jonas, you have to stay with me! I need you to stay with me - “
Celia doesn’t waste any more time. She leaps to her feet and makes a mad dash for the cooler. Hands shaking, she throws open the door and pulls out two vials of anti-venom serum, pausing only to retrieve a syringe from a nearby cabinet. Jonas is still convulsing when she returns.
”Sam, I need you to hold him as still as you can,” she says, gripping the colonel’s arm. “I’m going to inject one dose, and if that doesn’t work right away, I’ll administer another, okay?”
Sam nods, tears streaming down her face. “Okay.”
Sam releases Jonas’ face to steady his shoulders, all the while begging him to hold on just a little while longer. Once he’s as secure as can be, Celia preps the syringe, extends his right arm, and plunges the needle into his skin.
Nothing happens.
”It’s not working!” Sam wails. “Celia, it’s not working. Oh god, it’s not working - “
Without hesitation, Celia refills the syringe and injects the second dose. “Come on, Jonas,” she pleads, her own eyes filling with tears. “Come on, you’ve got to fight it. You can do this. Fight.”
Jonas goes still, his eyes slipping closed.
”No!” Sam screams, doubling over and clutching his shirt. “Jonas, please, no. No, no, no - “
A sharp gasp cuts her off. All of a sudden, Jonas’ chest fills with air and his eyes snap open. “S-Sam?” he croaks, gazing up at her.
Sam cries out in relief. “Jonas?”
”Sam…” he repeats, his breaths growing more even. “I think…I think I can breathe now...”
At that, Sam finally breaks down, her whole body shuddering as the sobs overtake her. Celia finds herself crying along with her.
”Sam,” Jonas mumbles, “where are we?”
Celia watches, teary-eyed, as Sam smiles down at him. “You’re home,” she answers, stroking his face.
Jonas’ brow furrows in confusion. ”Home?” he asks, still holding Sam’s gaze.
Sam nods. “Yes,” she murmurs, threading her fingers through his hair. “You’re home, Jonas, and you’re going to be okay.”
Notes:
The title of this chapter is taken from the song "How to Save a Life" by The Fray.
This was one of my favorite chapters to write, not just for the ending, but also for the tension leading up to it. In a way I feel like it's a reverse parallel of the escalating tension in Chapter 11, which led up to Jonas' death instead of his survival. All that being said, I do like the ending here best. That last bit when the anti-venom serum starts to work and Jonas regains consciousness almost brought me to tears while I was writing it. I debated extending this chapter past that scene, but I ultimately decided to save what comes next for the following chapter. The "you're home" moment is such a powerful note to end on that I think adding a scene after it would've cheapened the effect.
Chapter 17: stronger than the powers so dark
Notes:
Hi, everyone! Now that we're finally past the most stressful part of the story, we're sadly approaching the end of this fic 😭 There's still a little bit more to come after this chapter, but for now you can rest easy knowing that the worst is over lol. Again, thank you to those who have stuck with me on this journey; as always, I really appreciate it! ❤️
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The next few hours are a blur. First Celia comms Janet, who is just as shocked by Jonas’ unexpected reappearance but no less willing to help. She insists on transferring both him and Sam to the infirmary, where she gives Sam a clean bill of health and keeps Jonas for continued treatment and observation. Sam wants to stick around to look after him, but she’s soon whisked away by Cam, who is nervously babbling about the general wanting to see her immediately. Sam vaguely registers him also saying something about Dr. Lam and a psychological evaluation, but she can’t bring herself to pay attention to the chaos. The only thing that matters to her is Jonas. She needs to be by his side, to know that he’s okay, to let him know that she won’t leave him ever again. But duty calls, and before she knows it, she once again finds herself standing in the middle of General Landry’s office.
Landry is staring at her with an unreadable expression on his face. Sam wonders if she should feel more anxious than she is, but at this point she’s too exhausted to care. At least Jonas is alive. Whatever consequences she might face for her actions, she’s prepared to accept them without protest.
The general folds his hands atop his desk. “Well, Colonel, you’ve caused quite a stir since I saw you last.”
Sam swallows. “Yes, sir.”
Landry holds her gaze. “Would you care to explain just what exactly has been going on here?”
Sam takes a deep breath and relays the story about the crystal and her jump through time. Landry falls silent for what seems like ages, frowning as he processes the information.
At last he breaks the silence. “May I ask why you didn’t inform me about your theory on the device? Or about what you were planning to do with it?”
Sam resists the urge to look away. “I was afraid you wouldn’t authorize me to use it, sir.”
Landry taps his thumbs together. “That’s a reasonable assumption to make,” he remarks. “You did warn me about the possibility of - how did you put it? Temporal disturbances?”
Sam nods, wringing her hands in front of her. “Yes, sir. That’s right.”
The general leans back in his chair. “Knowing all that, then, you took an awfully big risk using the crystal without my permission.”
Sam nods again. “I know, sir.”
”And, technically speaking, I should hold you accountable for that decision.”
”I’m aware, sir.”
“However,” he continues, “in the interest of fairness, I also have to consider the result of said decision.”
Sam blinks. “Sir?”
Landry takes a breath. “I’m not going to deny that what you did, Colonel, was reckless, dangerous, and maybe even a bit foolish. But that recklessness saved the life of your teammate, and I can’t just ignore that either.”
Sam stands frozen, not knowing how to respond.
The general presses on. “Jonas was a valued member of the Stargate program,” he says. “And he was a good friend to many of the people here, including myself. I can’t say that I’m upset to have him back.”
Sam inhales. “So…what are you saying, sir?”
A smile twitches at the corners of his mouth. “I’m saying, that given the extenuating circumstances, perhaps I can let this one slide.”
Sam’s heart leaps in her chest. “Are you sure, sir?”
Landry sits up, his eyes twinkling. “I have several phone calls to make, Colonel,” he replies. “I suggest you be on your way before I change my mind.”
Sam nods, fighting to keep her expression neutral. “Of course, sir,” she says, feeling the tension ease from her body. “Thank you very much, sir.”
The general waves her off without another word.
Once the shock of Landry’s meeting finally gives way to relief, Sam’s initial instinct is to check in on Jonas. But another obligation tugs at her, one she decides she needs to fulfill first. So instead of immediately rushing off to the infirmary, she chooses to stop at Celia’s lab on the way.
The entomologist is tidying up her workspace when Sam arrives. At first she’s unsure of what to say. She starts wringing her hands again, wondering how she can possibly put words to what they’ve both just experienced. Eventually, though, Sam settles on the two most important ones. She knows that they’ll never be enough to repay her debt to Celia, but she also knows that her colleague deserves to hear them.
”Thank you.”
Celia turns around in surprise. “Oh, hi,” she says quietly, meeting Sam’s eyes. “I, um…you’re welcome.”
They stand there in silence for a moment, neither party knowing what to say next.
At last, Sam speaks again. “I really mean it,” she murmurs, taking a few steps forward. “If it weren’t for you, Jonas wouldn’t have made it.”
Celia shrugs. “I just did what needed to be done,” she replies. “That’s what the serum is for.”
Sam takes another step. “Yes,” she agrees, still holding Celia’s gaze. “But it wasn’t fair for me to spring it on you like that. I should’ve…I should’ve let you in on the plan before I left to make the jump.”
Celia steps towards her. “Sam,” she says gently, “you don’t have to apologize. I know why you were reluctant to say anything, and I honestly can’t blame you.”
Sam shakes her head. “Still - “
”Don’t,” Celia interrupts, laying a hand on Sam’s arm. “If I’m being honest, I would’ve done the same if it was Colonel Mitchell. If he ever got hurt like that, I’d do anything to save him. So I get it. Really, I do.”
Sam doesn’t miss the knowing look in Celia’s eyes. “Thank you,” she says again. “For understanding.”
The entomologist squeezes her arm. “Don’t mention it. If anything, you helped me out too.”
Sam frowns. “How so?”
Celia smiles. “Well, now I know for sure that the serum works on human patients.”
Sam can’t help but smile back. “You do have a point.”
Celia lets go of her arm, but her smile remains. “I’ll bet Jonas will be happy to hear that he was a vital part of a very important science experiment.”
Sam laughs. “I’ll be sure to tell him.”
Celia cocks her head, her eyes sparkling. “So?”
Sam blushes. “Right,” she mumbles, dipping her chin. “I should, uh, go see how he’s doing.”
Celia’s smile widens. “Tell him I said hi,” she says.
”I will.”
”And Sam?”
Sam glances back up at her. “Yeah?”
Celia’s eyes soften. “If you ever need anything else, you know where to find me.”
Sam offers her another smile. “Thanks, Celia,” she says, nodding gratefully. “I really, really appreciate it.”
Janet is the first to greet her when she arrives back at the infirmary. “How is he?” Sam asks, pulling the doctor aside.
Janet grins, the same knowing look dancing in her eyes. “Why don’t you see for yourself?”
She leads Sam to a bed in the middle of the room, and Sam’s breath catches at the sight before her. Jonas is sitting up, happily devouring a cup of banana pudding and looking as healthy as can be. If she hadn’t seen it for herself, Sam wouldn’t believe that he narrowly escaped death mere hours ago. Teal’c is seated in a chair beside him, and from what she can hear of the conversation, the two of them are discussing Star Wars.
Jonas is in the middle of a long-winded complaint about Star Wars Rebels when Sam approaches. “I’ll be honest, I think Sabine sometimes gets a bad rap,” he’s saying. “The Empire manipulated her into building that weapon.”
”I concur,” Teal’c agrees.
Jonas shovels a spoonful of pudding into his mouth. “I mean, she was practically still a kid when it happened. She was young and vulnerable to suggestion, and the Empire took advantage of that. Besides, what’s the point of telling a story if the characters aren’t complicated, you know?” He takes another bite. “They don’t have to be perfect to be compelling. That would just be bor - oh.”
He cuts himself off as he locks eyes with Sam. “Oh,” he repeats, more softly this time. “Hi.”
”Hi,” Sam murmurs.
Teal’c thankfully senses the atmosphere shift and rises from his seat. “We must continue this conversation later, Jonas Quinn,” he says, nodding at his friend. “As I stated earlier, I am glad to see that you are alive and well.”
Jonas smiles up at him. “Thanks, buddy,” he replies. “I’m glad too.”
Teal’c grants him one last nod before acknowledging Sam and Janet and discreetly exiting the room. Once he’s left, Janet pats Sam on the shoulder. “I’ll let you two catch up,” she says, a grin playing on her lips.
Sam tries not to blush as Janet turns away. Her attempt, however, fails the minute she locks eyes with Jonas again. “Good to see you eating,” she remarks, lifting her chin at the pudding cup.
Jonas glances down. “Yeah, well, time travel does tend to make a guy hungry,” he quips, stirring the pudding with his spoon.
Sam suppresses a laugh. “So I’m guessing you’re all caught up, then.”
He looks back up at her, his expression softening. “I got the gist of it,” he confirms. “But to be honest, I’d prefer to hear your version.”
Sam takes a deep breath and slowly lowers herself onto the bed. “How much of my version are we talking?”
Jonas holds her gaze. “As much as you feel like telling me.”
Sam looks away, considering her next move. She could spare him the details about her emotional breakdown and keep to the basics - after all, he doesn’t need to know everything. But when she meets his eyes again, so earnest and eager and full of life, she decides that she wants to tell him everything. After all that he’s gone through, he deserves her honesty. Even if the truth might be painful to stomach.
Sam takes another breath, and then the story spills out. She starts at the beginning when she first failed to save him, covering almost every detail from the moment she lost him to her discovery about the crystal and her subsequent jump through time. She forces herself to keep going, worried that if she takes a second to pause, her emotion will overwhelm her and render her unable to speak. When she finally finishes, her throat is burning and her eyes are brimming with unshed tears.
Jonas stares at her for what seems like forever, the pensive look on his face reflecting a million unspoken thoughts all at once. Sam doesn’t know if she should wait for him to say something or break the silence herself. But before she can decide, he suddenly reaches for her, his touch so gentle that she can no longer hold back her tears. They spill down her face, hot and unrelenting, as he runs his knuckles down the side of her cheek.
”Oh, Sam,” Jonas whispers, moving his hand to brush the tears away. “I’m so sorry.”
Sam sniffles, trying and failing to hold back a sob. “I thought I told you to stop apologizing for shit that isn’t your fault.”
Jonas makes a face. “That’s what you’re concerned about right now?”
Sam frowns at him. “Jonas, you have nothing to apologize for. You saved my life.”
Jonas grimaces. ”And then I died,” he mutters, looking far too guilty for her liking. “Before you brought me back, that is.”
Sam takes his hand and lowers it into her lap. “You don’t have to feel bad about what I went through,” she says, giving his palm a squeeze. “The point is, you saved me, and I just couldn’t rest until I figured out how to return the favor.”
Jonas eyes their joined hands before lifting his gaze back to Sam’s face. “Well,” he sighs, “I guess that just means we’re even again.”
A tiny smile crosses Sam’s lips. “Yeah,” she murmurs. “Maybe we should just leave it at that.”
Jonas meets her smile with one of his own, and the sight is so beautiful that it takes all her strength not to pin him against the bed and kiss him senseless. They still need to address the elephant in the room, but she’s not too keen on doing so in the SGC infirmary. As discreet as Janet is, Sam isn’t sure that she can trust anyone else within earshot.
Still, she leans towards him, enjoying the warmth of his hand in her own. His eyes begin to roam her face, lingering on her lips just long enough that her resolve almost cracks. “Oh,” she says, trying to interrupt the moment before they make a scene. “I almost forgot about your ring.”
Sam lets go of Jonas’ hand to pull her dog tag chain out from underneath her shirt. Jonas’ ring is still hanging there.
Jonas blinks in what seems like surprise. “You kept it,” he says, his eyes now fixed on the item in question.
Sam runs her thumb across its surface. “Of course I did,” she replies. “You asked me to.”
She starts to lift the chain over her head, but Jonas grabs her wrist to stop her. “Don’t,” he murmurs, lowering her hand back to her lap. “I want you to keep it.”
Sam frowns again. “Why?” she asks. “I mean, didn’t Dr. Kieran give it to you?”
”Well, yeah,” Jonas answers, curling his fingers around her palm. “But I guess…I guess I just want you to have it because you mean a lot to me.”
Sam feels her cheeks flush. “Jonas, you don’t have to do that.”
”I want to, Sam. Really.”
His eyes meet hers again, and the emotion she finds there is almost enough to make her cry again. “Thank you,” she whispers, tucking the ring back beneath her shirt. “I’ll make sure I never lose it.”
Jonas lifts her hand to his lips and kisses the back of her knuckles. “I know you won’t.”
He then flips her hand over and presses a kiss to her wrist, the look in his eyes suddenly shifting from one of innocent affection to something surprisingly indecent. Heat flares in Sam’s stomach and she lets out a short breath, leaning towards him again as a hot tingle shoots up the length of her arm. She’s just about ready to throw caution to the wind and do the very thing that will no doubt invite several months’ worth of SGC gossip, when Janet reappears with a clipboard in hand.
”Sorry,” the doctor says, shooting an apologetic look at Sam. “It’s time to check his vitals.”
Sam pulls back and stands up, feeling an ache at the loss of contact. Jonas’ eyes, meanwhile, never leave her face.
“Thank you,” he murmurs, his tone so intimate it’s as if Janet isn’t even there. “For saving my life, that is.”
Sam blinks away a fresh wave of tears. “Don’t mention it,” she whispers. “Like you said, we’re even again.”
”Yeah,” Jonas says softly, his lips curling into a grin. “ I guess that’s kind of our thing, isn’t it?”
Sam laughs, feeling joy bubble up from somewhere in her chest. “Yeah,” she agrees, returning his grin with one of her own. “Yeah, I guess it is.”
Notes:
The title of this chapter is taken from the lyrics of "Storybook Love" by Mark Knopfler and Willy DeVille, which is the end credits song from The Princess Bride. I figured that at least one of these chapter titles needed to reference it since the movie has such huge presence in this fic.
Not to give anything away, but there is a line during the Landry scene that may or may not be significant at a later date. Yes, we're nearing the end of the story, but I'll let you all have fun trying to figure it out 😉
I get the feeling that Jonas and Teal'c would be Star Wars buddies, and that they're superfans who've watched and read every piece of related media they can get their hands on. Since this is a modern AU, I think they'd be just as obsessed with the animated shows as they'd be with the live-action content. Out of all the animated characters, I feel like Jonas would probably relate to Sabine Wren the most given that she was involved with a highly problematic weapons development project that ultimately caused her to defect from the Empire and join up with a quirky found family unit. The parallel just writes itself.
Chapter 18: home to you
Notes:
Hello, everyone! Well, we're at the penultimate chapter of this fic. I was so excited to get to this chapter but now that things are winding down, I'm sad to be so close to the end 😭 Once again thank you to everyone who's been following along from the beginning, as always I truly appreciate it and I hope that you've enjoyed the journey of reading this as much as I've enjoyed writing it ❤️
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jonas, of course, doesn’t return to active duty right away, and at Janet’s suggestion, Sam is soon grounded along with him. The doctor means to assess whether their trip through time caused any unexpected side effects, and she doesn’t want the stress of off-world missions to potentially trigger anything she’s not yet aware of.
Sam is honestly relieved. After the events of their last mission, she’s not in any rush to jump back into action. She needs a break and so does Jonas, not just to rest but to navigate the aftermath of everything that’s happened.
Unfortunately, Jonas’ apartment was packed up and cleared out in the weeks following his initial death, with some of his belongings being put into storage and others finding temporary placement with his friends. Sam’s guest room is cluttered with boxes that she didn’t have the heart to open while he was gone, so they end up spending several days sorting through the contents. That, of course, raises the question of lodging, which Sam is hesitant to bring up at first. They still haven’t discussed the larger issue at hand, and she knows that what she’s about to suggest is inevitably going to invite said discussion, regardless of whether or not she’s ready for it.
”You know, you don’t have to stay at the SGC until you find a new place.”
Jonas, who has gotten distracted by a box of comic books, glances up at her. “What do you mean?”
Sam leans against the doorway, nervously fiddling with Jonas’ ring. She’s transferred it to a gold necklace chain that she now wears when she’s off-duty. “I mean,” she starts, unable to look him in the eye, “that you could stay here if you want.”
Jonas says nothing at first, although Sam can almost hear the thoughts whirring in the back of his mind. When he finally does speak, his voice is quiet. “I don’t want to impose,” he murmurs.
Sam forces herself to meet his gaze. “You wouldn’t be,” she says. “Really.”
Jonas frowns at her. “Do you want me to stay?”
Sam swallows. She could give him a noncommittal answer, but after everything they’ve endured together, that sort of response doesn’t seem appropriate anymore. “Yes,” she replies, her voice no more than a whisper. “I do.”
Jonas’ expression softens. “Then I’ll stay,” he says, offering her a tiny smile. “As long as you let me cook.”
Sam smiles back. “You don’t have to do that.”
He shakes his head. “Look, Sam, I’m not going to crash at your house without paying you back somehow.”
She holds up the ring. “You’ve already given me this.”
Jonas’ lip twists. ”Sentimental value doesn’t always equal monetary value, you know.”
Sam sighs and lets the ring drop to her chest. “Jonas, you don’t need to repay me,” she insists. “Just you being alive is enough.”
He goes quiet, staring at her for a long moment. Then - “Okay. But I’d still like to cook regardless.”
Sam chuckles and shakes her head. “All right, fine. But nothing too fancy.”
Either Jonas’ definition of “nothing too fancy” differs entirely from hers, or he decided to ignore her suggestion. When dinnertime rolls around, he insists on improvising a chicken stir fry meal complete with noodles, rice, and chili pepper seasoning. When Sam tries to reprimand him for doing too much, he simply responds with that signature puppy dog look of his. “You already had all the ingredients,” he argues. “I just put them together.”
Sam holds back a sigh, but she can’t really complain. This is the Jonas she missed, the man who (rather adorably) would go out of his way to look out for her. Even if sometimes he takes things a bit too far. “All right, fine,” she concedes, leaning against the counter. “Can I at least set my own table?”
Jonas laughs. “Okay, sure.”
Dinner passes with relative ease, interrupted only by Schrödinger’s insistent pleas for leftovers. Sam attempts to nudge him aside with her foot, but Jonas promptly undoes her efforts by tossing him a few pieces of chicken. She makes a face. “Really?” she mutters. “You know he’s never going to listen to me if you keep on spoiling him.”
Jonas smirks. “Sorry,” he says. “But it’s those big, adorable eyes of his. I just can’t resist.”
Sam blushes, tearing her gaze away. Sounds like someone else I know, she thinks. She hopes Jonas can’t see the flush in her cheeks.
If he does, he doesn’t let on. They both clear away the table when they finish eating, making light conversation while Jonas sneaks Schrödie a few more scraps. Their interaction is so startlingly normal that Sam has to marvel at how easily they’ve fallen back into a comfortable routine, as if the past several weeks never even happened.
It’s only when Jonas suggests a movie that the full weight of their ordeal once again settles on Sam’s shoulders. She tries to play it cool as she pulls up The Princess Bride on her TV, doing her best to focus on Jonas’ enthusiasm rather than on the lingering shadow of her grief. But when the film reaches the moment of Westley’s reveal, her eyes start to well up with tears, and she has to fight the urge to cry.
Jonas, ever the keen observer, immediately notices the change in her demeanor. “Sam?” he asks, gently touching her arm. “Are you okay?”
Sam sniffles, suppressing the sob that threatens to break free when Westley utters the line that haunted her for weeks. “Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while,” he says, the words still ringing in her ears even after the scene has moved on.
”I’m fine,” she lies, wiping her eyes with the heel of her hand. “It’s just the movie.”
Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Jonas frown. “You don’t usually cry until the end,” he remarks.
Sam draws in a shaky breath. “Well,” she mumbles, “it’s just different now.”
At that, Jonas picks up the remote and hits the pause button. “Sam,” he repeats, “I can tell something’s bothering you.”
Sam bites back a groan. “It’s nothing,” she whispers. “Really.”
Jonas reaches for her hand. “Look, Sam, whatever it is, you can tell me.”
Sam shuts her eyes, one thought now echoing in the back of her mind.
You never know how much time you have left. To say what you want to say. Or to say what you need to.
She takes another breath, allowing Dr. Augustine’s words to sink in. This is it, then. She knows she can’t put this off any longer.
Sam opens her eyes and turns to look at Jonas. “Can I ask you something?” she murmurs.
Jonas’ frown deepens, but he responds with a nod. “Sure.”
Sam exhales. “Back in the caves, back before…before I left to find the purple worms. What you said…”
Jonas’ breath hitches.
”Did you mean it?”
She already knows what the answer is - she’s been certain of it ever since she left him lying there in the cavern. But she wants - no, needs - to hear it from him directly.
Jonas’ eyes meet hers. “Yes,” he says after a long moment. “Yes, I did.”
Sam’s head starts to spin. “And now?” she asks softly. “Do you still mean it?”
Jonas holds her gaze. “Yes,” he repeats.
Sam feels as if her heart is about to burst. A stream of tears begins to trickle down her face. “I’m sorry,” she croaks.
Jonas cocks his head at her. “Sorry for what?”
Sam looks away, now drowning in a flood of shame. “For leaving you,” she replies. “I just left without saying anything back.”
Jonas lets go of her hand and lifts his own to her face. “Sam,” he sighs, “you have nothing to be sorry for.”
She looks back up at him. “Yes I do,” she argues. “You were dying and I just left you there thinking that I didn’t care about you.”
To her surprise, Jonas draws back in what looks like shock. “Sam,” he asks, “why would you think that?”
Sam blinks. “What else was I supposed to think?”
Jonas eyes her for a moment, his brow creased in a mixture of pity and concern. He eventually lifts his hand back to her face. “Sam, I never thought that about you,” he says, brushing the tears away with his thumb. “Do you want to know what I was really thinking about back there?”
Sam blinks again, trying to process his unexpected response. “What?” she sniffles.
Jonas leans closer. “I was thinking about staying alive,” he answers. “The minute I got hit with that dart, you started falling to pieces, and I couldn’t bear the thought of how you’d react if you lost me.” He takes a breath. “I knew that if I didn’t make it, you’d blame yourself, and that was the last thing I wanted. So the only thing that mattered to me in that moment was fighting to survive. Not for me, but for you. I was trying to stay alive for you.”
Another swell of tears overtakes her. “You didn’t make it the first time,” she mumbles.
Jonas’ eyes grow glassy. “I know,” he says, his voice breaking. “And it kills me to know that you’re still beating yourself up over something that wasn’t even your fault.”
”But it was,” Sam protests. “I failed you and I just couldn’t forgive mys - “
”You didn’t fail me,” Jonas interrupts, gripping her shoulders. “Shit, Sam, you went back in time to save my life. It doesn’t matter what you did or didn’t do the first time around. Or what you did or didn’t say. I think that speaks for itself.”
Sam falls silent, not knowing what else to say.
Jonas loosens his grip and starts rubbing her arms in an attempt to soothe her. It feels nice, and the sensation is almost enough to distract her from her guilt. “Look,” he says softly, his head tilting towards hers. “I don’t expect you to feel the same way about me. I just…I just needed to tell you in case I didn’t get another chance to.”
Sam’s heart clenches. “That’s just it, though,” she whispers.
”What is?”
She forces her anxiety down and takes a deep breath. “Jonas,” she replies, “I haven’t been honest with you. In fact, I don’t even think I’ve been honest with myself.”
He frowns again. “Honest about what?”
Sam swallows back the lump in her throat. “Do you know how I figured out how to save you?”
Jonas squints at her. “The symbol combination in my notes?”
Sam shakes her head. She then launches into the story of her dream of him in the caves, of the clue he left her, and of the quote scrawled at the bottom of his drawing of Westley and Buttercup. His cheeks are flushed pink when she finishes.
”You looked through my sketchbook?” he asks in a small voice.
Sam blushes. “Sorry,” she murmurs. “I wouldn’t have normally. But I thought you were gone…”
His expression softens. “It’s okay,” he says. “I understand.”
Sam takes another breath. “Look, the point is,” she continues, “that quote got me thinking.”
Jonas clasps her hands in his own. “Thinking about what?” he whispers.
Sam gives his palms a quick squeeze. “About everything,” she replies, keeping her gaze level with his. “I don’t think I realized it at first. But the truth is, I think I’ve been afraid. Ever since my engagement fell through.”
Jonas scoots closer, as if he’s trying to shield her from unpleasant memories of the past.
Sam presses on. “I think…I think what happened with Hanson was so awful that ever since then I’ve almost always expected things to go wrong. And it’s not just about being too scared to trust people. I think I’m scared of things being real.”
Jonas runs his thumbs across the back of her knuckles. “What do you mean?”
She sighs. “I mean, whenever I get too close to someone, whenever there’s a chance that what we have could be real, I just…freak out.”
A knowing look crosses Jonas’ face. “Is that what happened with General O’Neill?” he asks softly.
Sam dips her chin. “Yeah,” she mumbles, glancing down at their joined hands. “With everyone else, I didn’t know them long enough to get truly attached. But with him…” She trails off, trying to sort out her thoughts. “I think it was easier when he was still leading the team and there wasn’t a chance of it ever amounting to anything. It was safer, almost. I could fall in love with the idea without ever having to face what would happen if it actually became a reality.”
Jonas nods in understanding. “But then he got reassigned.”
”Yes,” Sam says, glancing back up at him. “And when it hit me that the thing I wanted for so long could actually be real, that we could be something without getting into trouble, I chickened out.”
Jonas lets out a sigh. “I’m so sorry, Sam.”
Sam releases one of his hands to wipe away another tear. “I think there’s a part of me that believes every serious relationship is just doomed to be a disaster because of my engagement to that asshole,” she says. “So I run, I push people away, and I sabotage everything before it has the chance to hurt me.”
Jonas leans even closer, so close that Sam can feel his breath on her skin. “Sam,” he whispers, his voice so soft that it makes her entire body ache with longing. “You know I’d never hurt you.”
”I know,” she whispers, looking him in the eye. “But after Florida, I was so afraid of losing you. There were no rules or regulations that said we couldn’t be together, which meant that there was nothing getting in the way of it being real, which meant that we could actually give it a shot. But chances were that if we gave it a shot, it could fail, and if it failed I didn’t know what would happen to our friendship. I was too scared to risk it.”
Jonas eyes her thoughtfully. At first Sam isn’t sure if he has something to say in response, but at last he decides to speak. “You know, Sam,” he says, “I was scared of the same thing too.”
She pulls back in surprise. “You were?”
Jonas lets out a rueful laugh. “Of course I was,” he replies. “Sam, you’re my best friend. When we stopped talking after the whole Florida thing, it drove me crazy. So when we made up, I didn’t tell you how I really felt because I was afraid it’d ruin everything.” He sighs. “Besides, I get the whole ‘burned by a past relationship’ thing. I haven’t felt this way about anyone since Carina, I think partly because I promised to never let myself get that close to anyone ever again.”
“Oh, Jonas,” Sam murmurs. “That’s awful.”
“I know,” he sighs again. “But I eventually got to a point where I stopped thinking about it so much.” He pauses. “And then I met you. At first I thought we’d just be friends, which I was perfectly happy with, to be honest. But the more time I spent with you…I don’t know how to describe it. All I remember is that one day I looked at you and realized that I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it anymore.”
Sam’s heart flutters. “Is that why you stayed?” she asks. “Here on Earth, I mean.”
Jonas blushes. “Yeah,” he admits. “It wasn’t the only reason, but it was a pretty big one.”
Yet again, Sam finds herself at a loss for words.
Jonas lifts a hand to her face once more, this time stroking her jaw with the back of his hand. “All I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy,” he murmurs. “Even if it isn’t with me.”
Sam makes a face. “But you just said - “
”I know. But I’d rather you be happy without me than not be happy at all.”
Sam relaxes into his touch. “You deserve to be happy too, you know.”
He smiles, but it doesn’t quite meet his eyes. “Part of me had almost given up on that.”
”Well don’t,” she says, squeezing his hand again. “You shouldn’t have to.”
Jonas’ smile falters. “And why is that?”
Sam inhales, holding his gaze for one long, precious moment. And then, at last, she lets slip the words she’s held back for far too long.
”Because I love you,” she whispers.
Jonas stares back at her, dumbstruck.
Sam leans forward, never breaking eye contact. “I love you, Jonas,” she says again. “And I don’t want to be scared anymore.”
Jonas continues to gawk at her for what seems like ages. Sam almost starts to believe that he didn’t actually hear what she said, but then she sees that his eyes are glistening with tears.
“Say something,” she breathes.
Jonas finally releases her other hand, bringing his own up to cup her face. “I love you too,” he murmurs. “And I don’t want to be scared anymore either.”
A rush of affection sweeps through her. “So what now?” Sam asks.
Jonas presses his forehead to hers as a few tears roll down his cheeks. “If I’m being honest,” he says softly, “I kind of want to kiss you again.”
Sam laughs, letting her hands find their way to his chest. “Only kind of?”
He chuckles. “You know what I mean.”
She smirks. “No, I don’t. You’re going to have to show me.”
Jonas raises his eyebrows. “Show you?”
Sam giggles. “Yes.”
Jonas makes a face. But a second later he leans in, his breath sending shivers down Sam’s spine. “Okay then,” he whispers, his lips now brushing against hers. “As you wish.”
Notes:
The title of this chapter is taken from the song "Home To You" by Sigrid.
I initially wasn't sure how to handle the aftermath of the previous two chapters. I went back and forth over the detail of Jonas staying at Sam's until I finally settled on a definite yes to it. Not only do I think it makes the most sense for their relationship at this point, but I also feel like it's a good bookend to him sleeping over at her place in the earlier chapters.
Sam's confession was also something I didn't settle on right away. I had multiple different versions of how that scene would play out in my head, but ultimately this one won out for two reasons: 1) the callback to The Princess Bride, and 2) the callback to her past relationship trauma. I knew she needed a strong reason to not only fear admitting her feelings for Jonas, but also to fear making her relationship with Jack a reality (which obviously didn't work out in this universe). It made sense to me that after her failed engagement, she'd be just as scared, if not more so, of being in a serious relationship to the point that she'd self-sabotage to avoid getting hurt. To me, her finally being able to admit all of this was the biggest turn in her character development, so in the end I'm glad I decided to write the conversation that way.
Jonas' "As you wish" at the end was 100% intentional 😁
Chapter 19: Epilogue: the time that is given us
Notes:
Well, here we are, the final installment of this fic 😭 I can't believe we're at the end! This has been a labor of love for me for the last several months, and I still can't believe a) that I was able to carry on for this many chapters, and b) that I actually managed to finish it. Finishing big projects has always been a massive struggle for me, so to bring this story through to completion is a huge milestone that I'm honestly pretty emotional about. But I couldn't have done it without the support of everyone who read and followed this fic. That's part of what kept me going for all these months, and I am grateful beyond words. Thank you so much for giving my niche little story some love and providing me with the incentive to push through to the end ❤️
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It takes her no less than six tries before he finally moves away from the tank.
Jonas pouts as Sam drags him away from the sea otter exhibit. “I wanted to take some more photos,” he whines.
Sam laughs. “You already took about a million,” she argues. “Plus three whole videos.”
Jonas wrinkles his nose. “Yeah,” he says, “but what’s a few more?”
Sam laughs again and loops her arm through his. “You literally just got to feed an otter up close. Was that not enough for you?”
His lip twists, and Sam can tell he’s trying hard not to crack. “No,” he grumbles.
She rolls her eyes. “Okay, fine,” she says. “How about this? I’ll get you a plushie in the gift shop on our way out.”
Jonas’ expression softens. “Nah, I’m just kidding,” he replies, his mouth breaking into a smile. “You already paid for the otter encounter thing.”
”I thought you said it wasn’t enough?”
”I said I was kidding.”
Sam smirks and gives him a playful nudge. After some consideration, the two of them decided to take full advantage of their time off and go on a real vacation for once. Sam surprised Jonas with a visit to the Georgia Aquarium to meet a sea otter behind the scenes, which he was unsurprisingly ecstatic about. So ecstatic, in fact, that when Sam first presented him with his ticket, he burst into tears and pulled her into a hug so tight that she could barely breathe.
They weave their way through a few more exhibits, stopping every so often to allow Jonas time to snap an inordinate amount of photos. She doesn’t know why he wants to take so many pictures of fish, but then again he’s always had a soft spot for marine life. In the back of her mind, she hopes that Cam is actually remembering to take care of Jonas’ tank back at the SGC.
They do eventually end up in the gift shop, where Sam insists on buying Jonas a sea otter plushie anyway. “Consider it a welcome home gift,” she says when he protests.
Jonas looks as if he wants to protest again, but then he seems to think better of it. “Okay, fine,” he concedes. “But I’m only letting you buy me one if I get to buy you one.”
Sam shakes her head, but she smiles nonetheless. “All right,” she agrees. “But maybe it’ll be easier if we just split fifty-fifty on that?”
She points to a different shelf, this one housing pairs of sea otters each joined at the paw with what appears to be a magnet.
Jonas grins. “Sounds good to me,” he says.
On their way out of the store, he lets his knuckles brush against hers. “You know,” he murmurs, tilting his head towards her, “sea otters hold hands to keep each other from drifting apart.”
Sam glances at him. “Yeah, I know that.”
Jonas’ grin widens. “Well,” he continues, “I kinda like the idea that humans do that too.”
Sam blushes as he takes her hand.
When they walk outside, still hand-in-hand, a dark cloud is looming on the horizon and the air is thick with the promise of rain. “We’d better hurry back,” Sam remarks, quickening her steps. “It looks like a storm is coming.”
She is, in fact, correct. By the time their rental car pulls into the parking lot of their Airbnb condo, the rain is pouring down in sheets. She checks to see if they brought an umbrella, only to realize that they must have forgotten it inside.
Jonas, however, is completely unbothered by this development. “Oops,” he says, his eyes twinkling. “Guess we’ll just have to make a run for it again.”
And then, before she can say anything to the contrary, he throws open the passenger side door and leaps out into the downpour.
”Race you!” he yells.
Sam laughs and rolls her eyes before following suit. Jonas is already halfway across the lot. He turns around and starts running backward as she stumbles towards him. “That’s the best you can do?”
”Shut up!” she hollers over a loud clap of thunder. “You had a head start!”
”Excuses, excuses!” he teases before spinning back around and making a beeline for the front porch.
When Sam finally catches up to him, they’re both drenched and gasping for air. “Cheater,” she mutters, lightly slapping him on the chest.
Jonas chuckles and catches her hand, bringing it to his lips. “Sorry,” he apologizes. “You’re cute when you’re mad, though.”
Sam snorts but doesn’t pull her hand away. “You’re lucky you’re cute,” she says, “or I’d be a lot madder.”
Jonas smirks and kisses the heel of her palm. “Do you wanna go inside or would you prefer to keep scolding me out here?”
Sam rolls her eyes again, but after a beat she leans forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Inside,” she whispers, her lips brushing against his ear. “I’d prefer to get out of these wet clothes.”
Jonas’ face is flushed pink when she pulls back. God, he’s adorable when he’s flustered. “Come on,” she prods, grabbing his hand and dragging him towards the door. “I’m getting a bit chilly.”
One hot shower later finds them on the deck outside, gazing out at the dwindling storm. Jonas, now dressed in a dry t-shirt and shorts, wraps his arms around Sam’s waist and draws her back against his chest. She smiles when his mouth - warm, soft, and inviting - finds the space behind her ear. “You smell good,” he whispers.
Sam chuckles, shivering a little when he starts peppering kisses down the side of her neck. “Considering we used the same shampoo, I’m sure you smell good too.”
His lips make their way to her shoulder, where he nudges the strap of her tank top aside with his nose. “You hogged it,” he mumbles. “I got half as much shampoo as you.”
Sam scoffs. “I did not,” she counters. “And anyway, you don’t even need that much shampoo.”
His nose traces a feather-light pattern atop her skin. “Neither do you.”
She snorts and elbows him gently. His only response is to tighten his grip on her and pull her closer.
Sam threads her fingers through his as he begins to trail kisses back up the side of her neck. She tilts her head and lets her eyes flutter closed, savoring the warmth of his embrace. When she opens them again, she catches sight of something off in the distance. Her lips curve into another smile. “Jonas, look,” she says softly.
Jonas presses a few kisses to her jaw before pulling away to see what she’s talking about. “Oh, wow,” he breathes, leaning his cheek against hers. “That’s even bigger than the one in Florida.”
A rainbow arches across the sky just ahead, glowing brightly through a silvery sheen of mist. Sam’s heart lifts. “It’s beautiful,” she whispers.
Jonas kisses her temple. “Mhm,” he hums. “But not as beautiful as you.”
Sam blushes and turns in his arms to face him. “You’re not so bad yourself.”
He merely shrugs in reply and leans forward, capturing her mouth with his own. Sam immediately folds into his touch, her lips parting as his arms wind around her back. One hand crawls into his hair and the other lands on his chest, soaking up the steady thrum of his heartbeat.
He breathes her name before breaking away to lower his lips to her collarbone. “I love you,” he murmurs, his breath hot against her skin.
Sam kisses the side of his head and gently strokes his hair. “I love you too,” she sighs.
Jonas pulls back, a grin plastered on his face. “What?” Sam asks.
He shrugs again. “I just like hearing you say it.”
Sam returns his grin with one of her own. They’ve exchanged those words about a million times just in the past week or so. In some small way, it feels as if they’ve both been trying to make up for lost time. “I don’t mind saying it,” she says, leaning in for another kiss.
When they break apart again, Sam wraps her arms around Jonas’ waist and lays her head on his shoulder. “This is nice,” she whispers. “I’m glad we decided to get away for a bit.”
”Yeah,” Jonas agrees, nuzzling her hair. “The last few weeks have been pretty crazy.”
On instinct, Sam’s grip on him tightens. Although this moment is very real and Jonas is very much alive, she still feels haunted by the echo of his loss. A part of her can’t help but cling to him as if that will somehow keep time from stealing him away again.
Jonas senses her mood shift and rubs a comforting hand across her back. “I’m okay,” he murmurs, kissing her forehead. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Sam swallows back a sudden swell of tears. “I know,” she replies. “But sometimes I get scared that I might lose you again.”
Jonas lifts his hands to her face and gently pries her head off of his shoulder. “You’re not going to lose me,” he says, firmly looking her in the eye. “I’m right here. I’ll always be right here.”
Sam holds his gaze for a moment before speaking. “It’s not just that,” she finally admits, a different thread of fear now knotting in her stomach. “I messed with the timeline to save you.”
Jonas frowns. “So?”
She takes a deep breath. “So,” she replies, “a part of me keeps wondering if something’s going to happen. I mean, I know nothing has so far, but meddling with time almost always has consequences. I just chose to ignore that because saving you was more important to me.”
Jonas sighs and strokes her cheeks with his thumbs. “That doesn’t necessarily mean something will happen.”
”But what if it does?”
Jonas leans his forehead against hers. “Well,” he answers, “if it does, that doesn’t mean it has to be bad, right?”
Sam considers this. “I guess not,” she says. “But still -”
”Shh,” he interrupts, running his fingers through her hair and then down the back of her neck. “Worrying about it isn’t going to do anything, okay? You’re just going to freak yourself out more.”
Sam sighs. “I know. It’s just hard not to worry about it.”
Jonas’ hands drift down to her waist. “Then let’s promise each other something.”
Sam frowns. “What?”
He takes a breath. “Let’s promise that unless something does happen, we won’t think about it until then. We’ll just focus on what’s happening right now instead of what could happen in the future.”
A tiny smile works its way across Sam’s lips. “That’s a bold statement coming from a man who has psychic visions.”
Jonas chuckles. “I mean it, Sam.”
She lets out another sigh. “Okay,” she says. “I promise.”
He holds up a hand between them, his pinky outstretched. “Pinky promise?”
Sam snorts. “Really?”
”Indulge me.”
She grins in spite of herself and curls her pinky finger around his own. “All right. I - we - pinky promise.”
Jonas grins back. A moment later his hand returns to her waist. “Now, speaking of living in the moment…”
Sam smirks. “Yes?”
He leans in again, his breath dancing across her lips. “I think I’d like to keep this one going for a little while longer.”
Sam’s smirk blossoms into a full-blown smile. “I guess I can’t argue with that,” she whispers, edging closer. “After all, we are on vacation. We’ve got all the time in the world.”
Notes:
The title of this epilogue is taken from Gandalf's quote in The Fellowship of the Ring . I considered going with another song lyric, but I ultimately decided on this instead. I thought it not only fit the theme of the story, but was also a nice callback to Jonas being a Tolkien fan, which was mentioned in the first chapter.
The sea otter encounter at the Georgia Aquarium is a callback to Chapter 3, when Sam first suggests that she and Jonas visit. The encounter is an actual experience at the aquarium where the caretakers take you behind the scenes at the sea otter exhibit to observe a training session and learn about conservation efforts.
If Sam and Jonas' conversation about messing with the timeline seems like it's sequel bait...that's because it is 😂 SURPRISE! I'm still ironing out some plot details but I've already started writing it so I hope to be able to start posting it soon. I wasn't sure if I was going to write a sequel at first, so while I sprinkled in hints to a possible one throughout this story just in case, I made sure to wrap it up in a way that felt complete in case I decided not to continue. But this AU has completely taken over my life and I simply can't let go of it, so Part 5 of this series, here we come 😂
Once again, thank you to everyone who followed along with the emotional rollercoaster that was this fic, I'm so grateful for you all and I hope you'll stick around for the next one!
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fircyca on Chapter 1 Wed 22 May 2024 03:34PM UTC
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blue_jello_genius (uno_reverse_karrde) on Chapter 1 Wed 22 May 2024 08:12PM UTC
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fircyca on Chapter 5 Fri 28 Jun 2024 09:45AM UTC
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blue_jello_genius (uno_reverse_karrde) on Chapter 5 Fri 28 Jun 2024 09:17PM UTC
Last Edited Fri 28 Jun 2024 09:18PM UTC
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blue_jello_genius (uno_reverse_karrde) on Chapter 6 Mon 08 Jul 2024 02:15AM UTC
Last Edited Mon 08 Jul 2024 02:15AM UTC
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fircyca on Chapter 7 Sat 13 Jul 2024 05:57PM UTC
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Last Edited Sat 13 Jul 2024 06:40PM UTC
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