Chapter Text
Camael floated alone above the nebula. His creation. His beautiful, doomed creation.
Aziraphale’s words spun around his brain like a planet orbiting the stars that hadn’t quite been created yet. “We’ll be shutting this all down again in about 6000 years.”
This couldn’t be real. It must’ve been a misunderstanding, or a miscommunication or- something. Anything but the possibility that this lovely universe would be dismantled in less time than it took for a single star to be formed.
Besides, how could his angelic siblings keep that truth from him? How could a cherubim know what an archangel could not? The only other way would be if the others had lied to him. If God had lied to him. And that wasn’t possible, so Camael knew he had to ask a few questions. He was well aware that questioning God was… discouraged, but he couldn’t remain in the dark. He was Camael- of all his siblings he was the one who saw most clearly. The one who saw God.
He stretched out his hand, aimlessly twirling it. Streaks of light shifted and spun, settling into perfection. Then he closed his fist, pulling back. He knew who he had to ask. The one angel closest to God. Lucifer, the lightbringer.
***
Camael found Lucifer at a meeting. For all the mystique archangels could hold among the lesser angels, a majority of their work went by in meetings like this. Planning and designing the finer details of the universe was a tedious but necessary task. Still, though Camael would never say it, he found the meetings to be the worst part of his work. He would much rather be out putting together the building blocks of the constellations than in these boring rooms with boring tables discussing the specific positioning of gas clouds.
As Gabriel prattled on about the wisdom of black holes, Camael caught Lucifer’s eye. The other angel watched Gabriel intently, the perfect mask of interest. For a second though, their gaze flickered away, landing on Camael. They gave him a small smirk, one that wordlessly commiserated with Camael’s boredom. Of all the angels, Lucifer was the one most like Camael, both in looks- they shared the same flaming red hair- and in personality. Lucifer loved the stars, loved them as Camael did. They had worked hand in hand to create the nebulae and Camael knew he could trust them.
The meeting wrapped up soon enough and Camael approached Lucifer before he could second guess himself. Lucifer was in a corner talking to an angel he didn’t know, a seraphim. It was unusual for the angel to be away from the crowds that normally formed around them, and the unusual seriousness on their face only added to the strange feeling brewing in Camael’s chest. Still, he pressed on. Lucifer looked up and saw him, before nodding at the seraphim and turning to greet Camael.
Lucifer smiled, that charming, infectious smile that could beguile any being, celestial or not.
“Camael, little brother! How is your nebula forming?”
Camael waved his hand, “Good.” He muttered distractedly.
He hurriedly plunged on before the strange feeling he was starting to recognise as fear consumed his courage.
“It’s just- I had a question.”
Lucifer’s lips parted slightly. Something passed through their face, an expression Camael couldn’t quite place.
“A question, you say?”
“Yes. I uh, I heard that the, current word from upstairs is that we’ll be shutting this all down again in… 6000 years?”
Lucifer’s eyes widened. They stepped forward slightly, and when they next spoke their voice had dropped to barely more than a whisper.
“Who told you this?”
“Oh just, a cherub I met a while ago… Is it true?”
Lucifer bit their lip. The movement was strangely… unangelic.
“It is.” They said, simply.
Camael just stared at his sibling’s face. The fear that had been growing now twisted, turning into something new and painful.
“How can it be true?” He said, voice growing louder than it should have.
“How can God destroy… all this? How can she turn this universe into a- a wallpaper for some… people? Lucifer, we built this together- and how could you not tell me? Why did I have to learn of this from a cherubim rather than my own sibling?”
The meeting room had gone silent. There were precious few angels left, but those who were were staring at Camael as if he’d just committed a sin. He realised with a sinking feeling that perhaps he had.
Lucifer said nothing, wordlessly taking Camael by the arm and pulling him out of the room. They flew down endless corridors of stars, until they had reached the edge of a new, small galaxy, just off next to where Earth would be put. Lucifer finally stopped, letting go of Camael and turning to face him. They flashed another one of those smiles at him.
“Calm down Camael. Remember, we are not to question the Great Plan.”
Camael tried to breathe. The galaxy seemed to be closing around him, and even the ever-expanding universe felt like it was shrinking, trapping Crowley in this dreadful reality.
“What’s wrong with asking a few questions?” He said finally. “We built this universe. Why does it have to shut down in the blink of an eye?” He gestured wildly around him. “All these nebulae we built- they won’t even have time to warm up! Lucifer, why didn’t you tell me?”
Lucifer closed their eyes. They breathed in, before opening them again.
“Because Mother knew you would react like this.”
The expression in their eyes could only be sympathy. Pity, for Camael. The painful feeling grew and twisted.
“I don’t need your sympathy.” He spat.
“And I won’t give it.” Lucifer moved forward again, putting their hand on Camael’s shoulder. “Brother, I do not take the decisions here. None of us do.” They paused, looking into Camael’s eyes with almost frightening intensity. “Does that anger you?”
Anger. Yes, that was the writhing emotion that was twisting in his chest. He had never had cause to feel it before. Camael nodded.
Lucifer seemed to be gathering themself up for a speech, just like the ones that had swept up the angels at the dawn of creation.
“God has abandoned us. She speaks less and less, and does not listen when we speak. She expects us to follow her orders, to follow her Great Plan. Never mind that we don’t know what the plan is. Never mind that she may have created us, but we created the universe, and it does not deserve to be ended in a handful of millenia.”
They paused, face radiant with righteousness even as they spoke blasphemy.
“I plan to rebel.”
“What?” Camael took a step back, shaking his head as Lucifer continued.
“A rebellion, one that will make for us a place above even heaven. We won’t have to follow anyone’s orders. Camael, we’ll be free.”
Other angels started to appear, maybe even half of all the angels, including the seraphim who had been in the meeting room with Lucifer.
“This is everyone we have so far. Join me, brother, and we can build stars that will last for eternity.”
Camael shook his head even more. He stumbled backwards, putting as much space as he could between himself and Lucifer without outright fleeing.
“You’re insane.” He said.
Lucifer sighed. “I was hoping you would react better.”
The circle of rebels started to close around them. Fear reasserted its place in Camael’s chest, and he searched frantically for a way out.
Lucifer held up their hand and the other angels froze.
“Leave him. We can no longer be stopped. That being said, I suggest you run, brother. What comes next will not be pleasant.”
Something like sorrow crossed their face.
“It is a pity. You would’ve been a good lieutenant, angel of war.”
Camael fled. He turned and launched himself past star clusters and planets and galaxies. He flew till he was at the outer edge of the universe, the final ring before inky nothingness. He flew till his wings burned and the fear and betrayal were drowned out by exhaustion.
At the edge of the universe, he stopped. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. He had never cried before, either. He didn’t wipe them away, staring out at the cosmic void.
“Mother!” He shouted.
“Mother, have you forsaken us? Your child defies you, and your son needs you. Mother, show yourself!” He begged, but divine light did not grace him. He remembered the days when it had. His sharp eyes had pierced through it, more clearly than his siblings’. He had come closer to seeing Her than any of them. But there was no response.
Camael’s wings slowly wrapped around him, shielding him from the cosmic wind as numbness overcame him. There would be no response, he realised. It didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered.