tell your baby that i’m your baby

by iwasbitch

Summary:

“If I had met you first,” he asks, earnest, aching—against his better judgement, “would things have been different?”

Notes:

i don’t even really care about this manhwa or the ships/characters anymore buuut i did tune in to the new chapters and felt a random surge of inspo. so yeah.

at the same time however, i don’t hate either ship….i do like eunhyuk and eunhyuk/suae as a couple. i just also like angst hehe. and dohwa of course.

pls do not take this fic as a sign to start suae bashing in the comments pls i do not care for that

Staring at the cityscape from a lonely bridge, the bright lights of Seoul keeping the night awake, Dohwa wonders if he is simply unlovable. 

 

No, that’s not it, he thinks. For him to be unlovable, he has to lack value. And for the people around him, he has value. His pretty face, his nonchalant demeanour, this carefully crafted image of him that he himself did not even conjure.

 

He is what they make him to be. He will be loved so long as they see value in him. 

 

Like a pretty dollhouse that will inevitably be shoved to the back of some dark, dusty closet. Replacing the porcelain of a doll with something real, something tangible, something warm you can hold onto you. 

 

In the end, that’s all Dohwa Baek is. Pretty enough to look at, but eventually no more fun to play with. 

 

He wishes he hadn’t expected more. And it’s not her fault—he could never fault Su-Ae—but he feels hollow, like a sea-shell, and he’s drifting away like one too. 

 

He’s terrible, he knows that, because he’s being curt and cold but it’s all he knows, all he knew before Su-Ae came into his life. He’s the worst, behaving like this because his feelings are hurt, and she doesn’t deserve it because she’s his friend—a good friend, who cares about him and worries for him—and he needs to treasure her and be happy but it’s so hard— 

 

And he’s just a porcelain doll discarded to the back of a dark, dusty closet, always forgotten—except no, he’s not, because she keeps coming back. She picks him up and wipes him clean and places him at the forefront of her life. 

 

But he loves her and she doesn’t love him and a part of him just wishes she’d throw him away, falling to the floor where he’d break into a million pieces, because perhaps that would hurt less. 

 

Because he’d become accustomed to physical pain. 

 

He’ll be upfront with her, since his actions have likely caused her confusion and concern. He’s bad at communication and it’s only proving to hurt them both. She deserves the truth, and it’s the least he can do. 

 

It’s the least he can do. 

Dohwa works at a convenience store now. He hates it, but it gets the bills paid and the monotonous routine gives him some structure to his life. The buzz of the refrigerator and beeping of the till mutes his thoughts, doesn’t let them stray very far. 

 

Mostly. Sometimes, they drift a little too far, lingering on things he’d rather forget. Sometimes, as he slips his uniform on, he remembers the part-time gig he once had where he’d worn a bear costume. He remembers how much fun he’d had with Su-Ae, waddling around adorably in her own costume, as they’d laughed until their sides hurt. 

 

He misses her. He needs to see her. Perhaps confessing will finally remove this heavy, painful weight on his chest, and he’ll be able to breathe once again. 

 

When he sees her sitting outside his door that evening once again, he wonders if he somehow called to her. He doesn’t reach out to her anymore, and the only time they see each other now is when she seeks him out, but perhaps the earth echoed his yearning for her. Perhaps it pulled her to him, some kind of gravitational force ensuring they don’t wander too far from each other. 

 

Or perhaps there’s no meaning to it at all and she’s just here to give him the school work he’s missed. 

 

He is pitiful. 

 

“Su-Ae,” he says when he reaches her. She’s crouched on the floor, arms hugging her knees. She looks a little down. 

 

“Dohwa,” she replies. 

What is she doing here, waiting sullenly in the rain for him, hoping he won’t be dismissive to her this time? Is she really just here to hand him the work or is she just using it as an excuse? 

 

She doesn’t know. It’s making her head hurt. 

 

She finds her thoughts continuously straying towards Dohwa, no matter where she is, no matter the time of day. Whether she’s at school or at home or with her friends or with Eunhyuk. All she can think about is the disinterest in his eyes when he looked at her, and how different that expression is to how he used to look. 

 

He feels like a stranger. It’s making her heart hurt. 

 

She doesn’t even know what caused this sudden turn in their friendship. What changed? Did she do something to anger him? To hurt him? 

 

Why is it that she can never do anything right? All she ever seems to accomplish is push the people in her life further away. 

 

She misses him. 

 

Even when he’s right next to her, raising a bored eyebrow at her, she misses him. 

 

“Here is your handout,” she says, standing up and handing it to him. “Anyway, I gave it to you, so I’m going now.” 

 

“Su-ae,” he calls out to her. She turns around, and the look on his face is different.  

 

“You…didn’t ask me any questions today,” he said quietly. 

 

She pauses, like she’s thinking of what to say, before closing her eyes with a smile. It’s not genuine. “I’m just here to give the handouts,” she lies. 

 

That’s foolish , he thinks. 

 

Even knowing that he doesn’t need the handouts—that he won’t and has not been doing the work—standing outside in the rain with the possibility of getting sick, just to give it to him? 

 

Foolish. You really are a fool. 

 

Why is she still…and again, why is he… 

 

He doesn’t know. Perhaps she doesn’t know either. Why either of them are playing this fruitless game. Why he can’t seem to let go when he knows that he should, that that would be the best for him. 

 

He wonders what he looks like to her right now. Usually, it’s not hard to hide his emotions, to keep his face deadpan and emotionless, but right now…he thinks his eyes might be pleading with her. 

 

Sighing, he closes them, before reopening them and turning towards his door. 

 

“Where are you going in that state?” he asks as he unlocks it. “I’ll give you a change of clothes. Come in.” 

 

It’s no use building walls, Dohwa realises. In the end, they will always collapse again. Just like now. 

He should stop wishing and hoping for things that won’t happen. He had decided he’d confess anyway, if only to face the bridge before moving over it. 

 

So after he had given her dry clothes, avoiding looking at her because the sight of her drowning in his much bigger clothes is far too tempting, he finally speaks. 

 

His mouth betrays him, however. It’s not what he has been planning to say. 

 

“If I had met you first,” he asks, earnest, aching—against his better judgement, “would things have been different?” 

 

He wants to backtrack immediately, because it’s a futile train of thought, a useless question. He wants to grab the words and shove them back down his throat, but it’s too late. They’re out in the air now, and now they must both face this bridge. Except it looks more like the troll that resides under it, terrifying and daunting. 

 

She stares at him with wide eyes, shock colouring her features. “What?” she asks. 

 

He knows that there’s nothing else to do but to go with it. See if there is an answer to be found down this futile train of thought, to this useless question. 

 

“I like you,” he confesses, then corrects himself. “I love you. But you’re with him and I wanted to be mature about it because I treasure our friendship but it hurts too much. It’s killing me.” 

 

She doesn’t look like she’s breathing. The night air is cool, and the light wispy breeze pushes her hair around. She is so beautiful. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he continues. “That’s why….that’s why.” 

 

He turns around without waiting another second, because he can’t stand to look at the expression of pity that will no doubt be on her face. 

 

After a few minutes, he hears her leave, and closes his eyes. 

 

He’s now been upfront with her. The weight has not left his shoulders because he still loves her and she still does not love him, but at least now he can say that he’s been honest. 

Shim Su-Ae has always been the oblivious type. 

 

She almost thinks it might be a learned behaviour; having been second-best to Ra-Im her whole life, always begging for even an ounce of affection from Minu, destined to forever be in the background of someone else’s shadow. How could she be anything but oblivious to another’s feelings? 

 

How could she have known that Dohwa loves her? 

 

Eunhyuk and her have been strained lately. She never knows what to say to him. He always looks like he’s far away despite his body being right next to hers. When he looks into her eyes, it’s like his gaze is passing straight through her, as though she is a ghost. 

 

She feels like one. Floating aimlessly, trying to grasp something, anything, but they are solid and she is not and so everything just slips through her fingers. 

 

It’s always in moments like this when she remembers Dohwa, and all the times they’d shared together. Times where she’d been happy. 

 

He always felt real. Solid. Whenever she touched him, she didn’t feel like a ghost, but like a person and like he is a person too. The weight of his hand, the warmth of his body, the soft exhales of his breath. 

 

His eyes, his smile, his laugh. 

 

Eunhyuk is sitting right next to her. They’ve been watching a movie, but she doesn’t think he’s been processing any of it. She knows that she hasn’t. He sits hunched over, head resting on a fist, face devoid of any emotion. 

 

She thinks they might have made a mistake. 

 

They were good friends. It was fun at first. Nice. Why do things feel like this now? 

She finds him again the next week. 

 

After a week of silence, Dohwa had accepted the fact that this was it. He took that step to finally speak the truth into the open, effectively cutting their bond. 

 

He doesn’t expect to see her ever again. And yet. Here she is, waiting outside his door once more. 

 

“You asked me if things would be different if I had met you first,” she says, not giving him a second to even greet her. She is breathless and nervous but she’s here now; she won’t leave until she’s been honest. 

 

“They wouldn’t,” she continues. “They wouldn’t be different.” 

 

Dohwa flinches. Of course. It would always be Su-Ae and Eunhyuk—

 

“Because I would love you either way,” her voice cuts through his thoughts. 

 

Time stands still, his breath freezing inside his lungs, as his wide eyes snap to her face. 

 

There is nothing to be heard but the distant sounds of traffic and the barest whoosh of the trees surrounding the apartment complex. Even their breaths are silent, bated in anxiety and anticipation. 

 

Her heart thunders inside her chest. She thinks his might be too. 

 

“…What?” he asks in a disbelieving whisper. 

 

“I'm in love with you, Dohwa Baek,” Su-Ae says, the wind carrying her loud but trembling voice over to him. Her fists are clenched and her face is red but she keeps her beautiful eyes on his. 

 

Dohwa has to be hearing things. It must be the loud pounding of blood in his ears. There’s no way…she just said those words. 

 

“I-I don’t understand,” he whispers again, as if too afraid to raise his voice even an octave, like that would shatter this illusion that he so desperately craves to be real. “Eunhyuk—”

 

“I broke up with him,” Su-Ae confesses. “I needed to be honest with myself, and with him and you.” 

 

Dohwa inhales sharply. They broke up? Shim Su-Ae and Go Eunhyuk? 

 

Not noticing his shock, or just not acknowledging it, she plows onward. 

 

“Ever since I met you, you occupy my every thought,” she says, walking closer to him. He’s so tall, she thinks, as she cranes her neck to look up at him. “I’ve never been good at understanding feelings—mine or anybody else’s. I’m sorry it took me so long. I’m sorry I hurt you.” 

 

Dohwa gazes at her, his eyes focusing on her, only her. He must be dreaming. What a cruel, painfully sweet dream it would be. 

 

“You make me happy,” she whispers, after the silence stretches for a few seconds too long. 

 

He releases a tremulous breath, one that borders on a sob from the weight of emotion it carries. His body finally unfreezes, his mind whirring a mile a minute, moving into gear, as he steps forward and cups her face. 

 

He kisses her. 

 

Oh , he thinks. Oh . 

 

His mouth is fervent on hers, incessant. He kisses her like she’s the most precious thing on earth, like he can’t bear to part from the sweetness of her lips. 

 

He parts only so they can both catch a breath, and to say her name. “Su-Ae. Su-Ae, Su-Ae,” he breathes, their lips coalescing once more before parting yet again. “You make me happy too. I love you.” 

 

This must be what it feels like to be seen, felt, touched. Like he’s a human, with warm blood and warmer flesh, not the chill of porcelain and a heavy coat of dust. Not forgotten, but remembered. 

 

They kiss and kiss and kiss until they’re both gasping for breath and their lips are redder than their cheeks. 

 

“Do you want to stay over?” he asks when they’re finally done, a grin creeping up his mouth. 

 

His very red, swollen mouth. From the kisses. Su-Ae flushes. 

 

“Um…” she hesitates. She’s never stayed the night at a boy’s house before. 

 

“Come on,” he says, gently grabbing her hand and intertwining their fingers. “Your parents are away, aren’t they?”

 

“Yeah, that’s true—wait, how did you know that?” she blinks up at him. 

 

He just winks at her, which sufficiently distracts her,  and pouts. “Okay,” she says. “I’ll stay.” 

 

“Good,” Dohwa says, leading her to the kitchen, still holding her hand. “Have you eaten? I can make you some ramyeon. Which flavour do you want?” 

 

He releases her hand to get started cooking and Su-Ae sits at his table, leaning her head on her palm as she watches him. A smile graces her lips when she notices how happy he looks. His pretty hazel eyes are glimmering, and he keeps biting his lip to hold back his wide grin. 

 

She hasn’t seen him look so happy in a very long time. She’s so glad. 

 

After they’ve eaten and lazed about for a while as they talked about everything and nothing, he leads them both to his futon. 

 

“It’s late,” Dohwa says, climbing in after her and tapping her nose at the pout on her mouth. He chuckles, finding it cute that she doesn’t yet want to go to sleep. 

 

“Will you be free tomorrow?” she asks, gazing up at him as he hovers over her body. She feels heat creep up her neck at his undivided attention. He is so handsome. “I want to spend the day with you.” 

 

Dohwa beams, his cheeks red. “Yes. I’ll always make time for you,” he promises, leaning down to peck her. 

 

Su-Ae flushes bright red. “Good,” she mumbles, before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down. “Now, let’s go to sleep for real.” 

 

“Mmmm,” he hums, placing his head on her chest and snuggling in close. The grin has not left his lips, even as he closes his eyes, presumably getting ready to sleep. “Yes, ma’am.” 

 

She laughs lightly, running her hand through his soft blonde strands. He sighs at the feeling, nuzzling closer, like a content kitten. 

 

They fall asleep within minutes, bellies and hearts full. 

 

The next morning, Dohwa blearily opens his eyes, the sun shining harshly from behind his blinds. It takes him a few sluggish seconds to realise his position and remember the events of last night. 

 

When the memories have all rushed back, he’s grinning uncontrollably again, biting his lip to attempt to refrain it a little. 

 

Lifting his head, he observes her as she sleeps. She’s so cute. He wants to bite her. 

 

Acting on his strange urge, Dohwa leans down and gently nibbles at her cheek. It wakes her up instantly. 

 

“Ack!” she squirms, opening her heavy eyes to see him above her, caging her in. 

 

Blinking the sleep out of her eyes, she takes in the situation, and blushes from head to toe. “Dohwa,” she says. 

 

His lips stretch into a wide smile. “Good morning, baby,” he rasps in his morning voice, nudging her nose with his, before pecking her lips. 

 

Su-Ae is flustered, both by their situation and by the kiss. “Baby?” she questions shyly. 

 

“Yes, baby,” he says, trailing his hands downwards and tickling her sides. “My Su-Ae.” 

 

As he continues to attack her stomach and sneak kisses onto her lips and cheeks, as she giggles until she’s out of breath, all she can think is: 

 

I can get used to waking up like this. 

Notes:

listen, i don’t think in canon su-ae and eunhyuk’s relationship would fizzle out like that it’s just for the sake of the fic hehe

do leave a comment please!! they make me happy <3