Chapter Text
“My parents only let me read books they pick out for me.”
That was how it started on the school bus. Regulus was a freshman, the boy beside him a sophomore, and Regulus was surprised the older boy would want to sit beside him. He had offered Regulus a book and Regulus declined.
“Do you do everything your parents tell you to do?”
Regulus couldn’t tell if he was teasing or if he genuinely wanted to know.
“Not always,” he said evasively. The truth was that generally, he did do exactly as they said. But this boy didn’t have to know that.
“There’s nothing bad in it. A little blood, a lot of angst. A little kissing.” He handed Regulus a copy of Jane Eyre. “Just try it. You can give it to me at the end of the day if you don’t like it.”
Regulus took the book and slipped it into his backpack. “What’s your name?”
“Remus Lupin.”
“Oh.”
“What?”
“You dated my brother. Last year.”
“Ah,” Remus nodded, eyes flitting around Regulus’ face as if he was noting all the ways Regulus looked like his older brother. “I see. Sirius.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, that’s alright. We’re friends now, you know.”
Regulus nodded because he did know. Remus’ name was on Sirius’ lips so often, Regulus was surprised they hadn’t already gotten back together. Regulus thought he’d be mad if he knew that Remus was talking to Regulus at all. He might already know, somewhere further back in the bus, but he could also hear Sirius’ rowdy voice back there, so maybe not.
Remus pointed to the book where it stuck out of Regulus’ backpack. “Now that I know you’re a Black, I think you’re really going to like that book.”
“Why?”
“It’s about a girl in a shitty living situation who learns what she’s worth.”
Of course he knew about their home life. Sirius never shut up about anything, why should he keep the way their parents treated them secret? It made Regulus wonder what Remus had heard about him.
“Sounds boring.”
Remus laughed at this. His eyes twinkled and Regulus had to look away. “You’re mean. Your brother said that about you.”
“I’m sure he’s said plenty,” Regulus mumbled.
“He didn’t say how charming you are, though.”
Regulus had to turn to look out the window as the neighborhoods passed by so Remus wouldn’t see the way he was smiling.
At the end of the day on the bus home, Remus asked, “Are you keeping the book?”
“I’d like to.”
Remus looked very pleased by this. Approving, even. Regulus thought perhaps he’d go very far to make Remus keep looking at him this way.
“Good. Keep it as long as you like.”
Regulus never gave it back.
~
Sometimes, Regulus spent his lunch breaks with Barty and Evan and Pandora. They were fun, but he was, at his core, a solitary creature. So sometimes he would wander out to the field and sit alone, reading or writing.
On this particular day, leaned up against the tree in early autumn, leaves just beginning to rain down around him, he was scribbling in his notebook when Remus sat down beside him. James and Sirius were off on the other side of the field, kicking a soccer ball around and tackling each other to the ground. Peter was watching. But that didn’t seem to be Remus’ speed, so here he was with Regulus.
“What are you writing?” Remus asked, arms wrapped around his knees.
“Poetry, unfortunately.”
Remus snorted. He started picking the little daisies sprouting up around the base of the tree. “I’m sure you’re a fabulous poet.”
“No. Just a bit of a try-hard.”
“So you’re mean to everyone, then. Even yourself.”
Regulus didn’t appreciate the psychoanalysis, so he didn’t respond, only kept writing. Remus sat beside him in silence, weaving the daisies until they were a crown that he set on Regulus’ head. Regulus didn’t say anything about this, but he had to stifle the smile that threatened to twist his lips upward. Remus only kept picking more daisies until he had a handful of them.
“If I give you these daisies, will you give me a poem?”
“No,” Regulus said.
“Why not?”
Regulus had no good answer, so he finished writing.
The crow collects the shiny
the interesting
the useful.
When the light catches its eye,
it stops.
It wants.
Gathers the extraordinary,
collects him–him–
and keeps its shiny things.
It marvels at its new toy,
then flies when startled.
Finally, he handed it to Remus, who handed him the flowers.
“This is beautiful, Reg.”
“Don’t tease.”
“I’m not.”
Regulus pressed the flowers into his notebook and pretended it was just because he didn’t want to hold them. Pretended that it wasn’t because he wanted so badly to keep them forever.
~
James and Sirius were, quite obnoxiously, kings of the school. They’d gotten everyone to love them, even the teachers which was a feat because they rarely did their homework and talked constantly in class. Still, his freshman English teacher was delighted to have him in class.
“I had your brother last year!” Mr. Slughorn had gushed. “I’m glad to get the set, if I’m honest. I expect you’ll be just as brilliant as he was. A natural, that boy.”
The vindictive, spiteful part of Regulus wanted to fail the class, just to disappoint this man who liked Sirius so much, but English was his favorite subject. He excelled anyways and was annoyed about it the whole time.
James was a star on the soccer field, Sirius was on the team just because—though he ditched half of the practices—and their little rodent friend Peter was the “team manager.” As far as Regulus could tell, this consisted mostly of carrying things around for the team and pretending that he had some level of social stature because of it, both of which suited Peter quite well. Remus, however, was the fourth of their group and was utterly disinterested in sports. In support, he often sat in the stands during practice, with a book across his lap.
One afternoon, Regulus was walking by the field, pretending not to notice Remus. Remus noticed him though.
“Reg!” he called down. “Reg, come here!”
Regulus felt his cheeks warm as he walked up the bleachers. “Hey.”
“Sit with me a while,” Remus said, then shrugged. “Unless you’re busy.”
“I can spare a few minutes, I think.” He sat beside Remus, just far enough away that they weren’t touching, but he could still feel the featherlight brush of Remus’ arm beside him when he moved it.
“Thanks for penciling me into your very busy schedule.”
“What are you reading?” Regulus asked, nodding toward the book. Remus flipped it shut, thumb inside to keep his place, and Regulus read the title aloud. “Catcher in the Rye? How is it?”
Remus shrugged. “I get what it’s going for, but this guy is insufferable.”
Regulus’ lip twitched upward at the corner. “Why are you reading it then?”
“Class. I never read anything fun anymore because it’s all for school.”
“I have a book you might like.” Regulus dug around in his backpack before he found the old battered copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray and handed it to Remus.
Remus raised an eyebrow at him. “The Picture of Dorian Gray? I doubt your parents said this was appropriate reading.”
“I don’t do everything my parents tell me, do I?”
“It seems you don’t. Thanks.” He held the book up at Regulus. “I’d much rather read this.” He flipped through some of the pages, then asked with a forced casualness, “It’s supposed to be a pretty queer book, isn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Regulus said, the warmth returned to his cheeks. “Oscar Wilde was gay, so…”
“And you like that?”
Regulus’ head snapped up and they were looking each other in the eye, both sitting very still. There was an undertone to the conversation now and they could both hear it. Are you gay? That was the real question being asked.
Finally, Regulus said, “Yeah.”
Remus’ face split into a relieved grin. “Cool.”
“Cool.”
They sat in silence together for a long time. Remus put his hand on the seat between them and Regulus did the same. And then Remus hooked their pinky fingers together. They stayed that way until practice was over and Regulus fled so Sirius wouldn’t see his little brother blushing at his ex-boyfriend.
~
The summer after his freshman year was when Regulus first admitted to himself that he had fallen for Remus Lupin. It was mostly because he was so terribly bored and had way too much time to think. His parents had arranged private tutors for him and Sirius, which Sirius did his level best to ditch as often as possible, but Regulus was still trying to maintain his facade of ‘perfect son’ so he studied diligently all summer. Remus texted him often and called almost as much. Inevitably every conversation ended the same way.
“When can I see you?” Remus would ask.
“I just can’t,” Regulus would say.
“I’ve seen your brother plenty.”
“He’s already a disappointment. I’m still trying to keep up appearances.”
He missed Remus terribly though.
He missed his other friends too, but there was something about missing Remus that ached.
Finally, he couldn’t stand to wait any longer. He went to his parents with what he hoped was a good lie.
“Summer isn’t for fun,” his mother snapped.
“It’s not fun,” Regulus insisted. “He’s not my friend, but he’s a junior. Top of his class. He’s going to help me and a few other sophomores get ready for sophomore year. That’s all.”
His mother pondered this for a moment while Regulus tried not to look too eager.
“Fine,” she said shortly. “How often?”
“Twice a week for the rest of the summer.”
“Alright. Just stay focused. Don’t let yourself slip like your brother has.”
“Yes, mother.”
That afternoon he left the house, bounded into Remus’ car, and felt free for the first time in his life.
“Like it?” Remus asked as he pulled away, gesturing to the car.
It was a piece of shit, undeniably. The air conditioner didn’t work, so they had to drive with the windows down in the sweltering summer heat. The passenger seat leaned just too far forward and wouldn’t adjust, so Regulus gave up on it. The whole thing was making a rattling sound with the vibration of the engine. It was at least twenty years old and seemed on the edge of breaking down any moment.
“I love it,” Regulus said. He leaned on the edge of the open window and let the air rushing by tousle his hair.
“I saved up for it forever.” Remus patted the steering wheel affectionately. “And now I can drive us all to school next year.”
“All?” Regulus asked.
“Yeah. You, me, your brother. Peter, maybe. James got his own car this summer, nicer than this, so maybe just you and your brother.” Remus shrugged, like this was no big deal.
“Sirius won’t like it. If I tag along.”
“You wouldn’t be tagging along,” Remus said. He glanced at Regulus, smiling a little. “You’re my friend too, you know.”
“Sirius doesn’t know that.”
“You could fill a hundred books with all the things Sirius doesn’t know.”
Regulus laughed, but then his smile fell. “He’ll be upset, you know. If he finds out we’re…” He left it there, because he wasn’t sure what they were exactly. Friends, sure. But maybe something else too.
“He’ll get over it.”
“He’s still hung up on you.”
“He’ll get over it,” Remus repeated.
Regulus chewed his lip for a while.
“Where are we going?” he asked.
“My place. My parents are working so it’ll just be us. Is that alright?”
“Yeah. That’s great.” He hoped his voice didn’t betray the way he was trembling and nervous. In a few minutes, they were pulling into Remus’ driveway and going in.
“It’s not much, but it’s home,” Remus said, leading the way.
The thing about Remus’ home was that it felt lived in. The Black house was clean to the point of sterility. Everything had its place and it was always there. It was decorated sparsely with glass, black and white, and modernity. It was like living in a museum. But Remus’ house felt like a home. It was a little messy, maybe a little rundown in places, but it felt like a family lived here.
“I think it’s perfect.”
Remus tossed his keys down on the kitchen table.
“Wanna watch a movie?”
It felt like a safe option, so Regulus said, “Sure.”
It was not a safe option.
Because as the movie started, Regulus knew that neither of them were paying attention to it. They were both incredibly aware of each other, though. They started out sitting apart, but every once in a while, one of them would scoot a little closer to the other, until their sides were pressed together. Regulus was frozen. He wanted more but it felt so dangerous. The way he was burning inside felt like the spark of a wildfire. If he let it out, it just might burn them both down.
Remus was the one to make the next move. He wrapped his arm around Regulus’ shoulders and Regulus relaxed into him. He fit just right, tucked under Remus’ arm this way. They kept watching—or really, not watching—the movie and soon Remus was gently stroking Regulus’ arm, leaving goosebumps behind there.
“It’s not a terribly interesting movie, is it?” Remus asked. He ducked his head low and leaned close so his lips just brushed Regulus’ ear when he said, “You don’t seem very interested in it, at least.”
Regulus turned and their lips were only inches apart. No, now millimeters. Regulus could feel the warmth of Remus’ breath against his. He smelled sweet, like chocolate. Regulus wondered if he tasted like chocolate too.
If Remus hadn’t leaned in a little further, they might have stayed that way forever. But he did. He leaned in and pressed soft, slow, gentle lips to Regulus’ and Regulus pressed back. Remus’ lips moved against his and he responded in kind.
His first kiss was perfect. Magic.
It was also terrifying. He jumped back, then stood and backed up to the wall opposite, like he was trying to get as much distance between them as possible. This didn’t seem to put Remus off. In fact, he seemed to find it both expected and amusing. He stood, half smile on his face, and moved closer to Regulus. Slowly, very slowly, like Regulus was a wild animal that Remus didn’t want to scare off.
“Was that not okay?”
Regulus shook his head. “No.”
“Why not?” Remus asked. It was the first time he sounded a little uncertain.
“I can’t just be—just be kissing someone I’m not—not dating,” Regulus stammered.
“Date me, then,” Remus said like it was dare.
“I can’t date you.”
“Why not?” Remus took a step toward him and he was backed against the wall now. He felt like prey in front of a hungry wolf. Worse, he found he liked the feeling.
“I can think of a hundred reasons.”
“Give me one.”
Regulus started ticking each thing off on his fingers as he spoke. “Well, there’s Sirius. There’s my wildly homophobic parents. There’s the fact that you’re older—”
“Sorry,” Remus interrupted. He took another step forward so they were just inches away from touching and he had to crane his neck to look down at Regulus. “I meant give me one good reason.”
Regulus’ mouth opened and his throat worked around words he couldn’t quite form. Because Remus might be right. There were many reasons, but were those reasons good enough to stop them?
“My parents will kill me,” he tried again, but even he could hear the uncertainty in his voice this time.
“I thought you don’t do everything they say? Think of it as a little rebellion,” Remus said.
“That argument might have worked on Sirius, but I’m not the rebellious type.”
“You could be.” He stepped forward again and now they were pressed against each other, Regulus’ back against the wall. “I’d like to kiss you again.”
Regulus’ breath hitched. Remus was very intentional when he lifted a hand and cupped Regulus’ cheek. The hand slid back slowly until he was firmly gripping the back of Regulus’ neck, though his hand was so big that part of his palm still rested on Regulus’ jaw too.
“Would you like me to kiss you?”
“Yes,” Regulus croaked and their lips were pressing together again.
This kiss was less tentative. Remus pressed his hips forward and Regulus couldn’t help but mirror the motion. He dipped his tongue into Remus’ mouth and found that he did taste sweet. Sweeter than Regulus had imagined.
~
They spent all summer at their little “tutoring sessions” making out and having fun and pretending that the world couldn’t touch them. Regulus was disappointed when the school year started up because he knew they would have less time together and all of that time would have to be sneaked in.
Sirius barely put up a fight about Remus driving them both to school this year.
“Fine. But if he’s annoying, he walks,” he said as they climbed into Remus’ car on the first day.
“If you’re bothered,” Remus said, “you can get a ride from James.”
Sirius grumbled at this, but Regulus was secretly very pleased that Remus had said it. That he’d been okay with upsetting Sirius in order to give Regulus a ride.
At lunch that day, Regulus ate in the cafeteria. Barty, Evan, and Pandora sat at Regulus’ table.
“Missed you this summer,” Pandora said with a sweet, slightly vacant smile. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he let his head rest on hers.
“I know. My parents are—”
“Assholes,” Barty finished for him and he chuckled.
“Yeah.”
They started comparing schedules and talking about what was in store for them this year, but Regulus’ heart wasn’t in it.
Remus was across the cafeteria, perched on the edge of a table with his feet in a chair, watching Sirius and James making asses of themselves and eating a vanilla pudding cup. Regulus tried not to stare. But he couldn’t help it. Remus licked the spoon lazily and Regulus imagined him doing all sorts of other things with that tongue. When Remus’ gaze flicked to Regulus and he smirked, Regulus realized he was doing it on purpose. He knew Regulus was watching. Wanted him to.
“What are you staring at?” Barty asked and Regulus startled.
“Nothing.” But he had to wait a very long time before he could stand up. Just in case.
~
Remus’ car was good for more than just getting rides to school every morning.
One evening, the day after Regulus’ sixteenth birthday, Remus texted him.
Remus: I have a birthday present for you. Can you get away?
Regulus: I’ll have to sneak out.
Remus: Will you??
Regulus: Be here in fifteen. Down the street.
He’d already announced he was going to bed and, up in his room, he got dressed. He waited a few minutes and listened, but the house was big enough that he thought he could slip out the back without anyone hearing him. His parents were already heading for their bedroom.
He crept down the stairs when he thought it was safe, then headed for the back door. Just as he grabbed the handle, he heard a soft clearing of the throat noise behind him and whipped around, heart pounding.
“God, you scared me,” he said, hand to his chest.
Sirius raised an eyebrow at him. “Where are you off to?”
“Evan and Pandora, they, uh, they’re waiting for me.”
Sirius nodded like this made sense. “They have a car?”
Regulus nodded because he thought the lie might stick in his throat.
“Then why don’t they give you rides to school?”
Regulus rolled his eyes. “Bye, Sirius.” He opened the door, but before he left, he said, “Please don’t tell on me.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, baby brother.”
Down the street, in Remus’ car, Regulus finally relaxed. “Sirius caught me.”
“Yeah, well. He’s not exactly one to get high and mighty about sneaking out, is he?” Remus leaned over and kissed Regulus on the cheek, then drove off.
The passenger seat of his car had become familiar over the last six months. There was always a book in the glove compartment, though it changed frequently. Tonight, Regulus checked and it was Dracula.
“You can borrow that, if you like.”
“I would like that.”
“That’s not the present, though.”
Regulus reached over and grabbed Remus’ thigh. “You didn’t have to get me anything, you know.”
“I know.” Remus had stiffened beneath Regulus’ hand, but he still smiled.
The spot overlooking the lake was empty. It usually was, but sometimes there would be another car there and they would have to find a different spot to make out. The car was the only guarantee of some level of privacy. They both got out, as they usually did, to sit on the hood of the car side by side. Remus wasn’t worried about dents. The hood was already terribly dented to the point that it didn’t matter anyway. There was little light, except for the moon and the ambient light of the town.
Remus leaned back on both hands, sitting there beneath the moonlight, spectacular.
Regulus leaned into him and they sat like that for a long time.
“Happy birthday,” Remus said. He kissed the top of Regulus’ head.
“You’re a day late.”
“I know. I wanted to say it in person.” Remus sat forward and fished something out of his pocket. A little gift box. “And I wanted to give you this.”
Regulus opened the box and stared at it. It was a little black necklace with a circular silver charm in the middle. Engraved into the charm was an ‘R’. R for Regulus. R for Remus. Regulus pulled it out of the box gingerly, still examining it, running his fingers over the smooth metal.
“If you hate it, I can—”
“No,” Regulus cleared his throat. “No, I love it.”
“High praise, since you hate everything.”
“Almost everything.” He looked up at Remus and their faces were so close they might kiss. But Remus grabbed the necklace from him.
“Turn around. I’ll put it on you.”
“Bossy,” Regulus said, but he listened anyway.
With the necklace around his neck, he felt warm and fluttery. Luckily, Remus pulled him in for a kiss, because he wanted one so badly just then.
They kept kissing until Remus got up and dragged Regulus off of the hood, pinning him against it by his hips as they kissed more. Eventually, they made their way to the back seat of the car, a little cramped, but with the seats fully forward it was acceptable.
They sat side by side, but there was something about the gift that sparked something in Regulus. There was a warmth low in his stomach, one that he wasn’t going to ignore this time. He pushed Remus back just a little, then climbed onto his lap, straddling him.
Remus seemed surprised by this. Usually he was the one to make the first move. But Regulus wanted him. Had wanted him for such a long time. Maybe, for once, he could take what he wanted. Maybe he could have it.
So he wrapped his arms around the back of Remus’ neck and kissed him, hard and fierce. They were both wearing sweats, so he could feel Remus’ hardness up against his own. Could feel that Remus’ want was as great as his own. His cock was pinned beneath Regulus’ weight and when Regulus rolled his hips, Remus gasped.
“Reg,” he breathed. The sound of it on Remus’ lips only made Regulus grind against him again. And again.
He slowed down only to ask, “Is this okay?”
Remus groaned. “So much better than okay.”
As if to demonstrate the truth of this, he grabbed Regulus by the hips and pulled him down harder, the pressure enough that Regulus moaned too. He was hard and leaking in his sweats and that feeling was swelling deep within him. Satisfaction, need, want; they all warred within him and Remus was the solution to all of them.
Their lips kept missing each other and Regulus pressed messy lips against Remus’ jaw, his cheeks, his chin, while Remus did the same to him. Remus tried to slip his hand between them, but Regulus grabbed his wrist and held it back.
“No. Just like this,” Regulus said.
“Bossy,” Remus joked, but he didn’t reach between them to touch again.
Instead, he humped up into Regulus, making the grinding uncoordinated. Messy. His fingers dug in harder and harder into Regulus’ hips until he thought they might bruise, but he didn’t mind it. He liked it. Liked the way that Remus held onto him like a lifeline, like humping up against Regulus was the only way to quench a painful thirst.
Their lips pressed and Remus moaned into Regulus’ mouth and froze beneath him. Froze except for the uneven jerking of his hips. He groaned, then let his head fall forward against Regulus’ chest, breathing hard.
“Did you—?”
“Don’t,” Remus said heavily. Regulus leaned over him further, making him gasp a little with the added pressure on his cock.
“How embarrassing,” Regulus cooed in his ear. He nipped at his earlobe, making Remus shudder. “Did you just come in your pants?”
“Reg,” Remus said, but Regulus didn’t let up.
“So sensitive. Are you a virgin?” It was a hollow quip, because Regulus was much more virginal than Remus, but he liked the way it seemed to get under Remus’ skin.
“Mean little thing, aren’t you?”
Before Regulus could respond, Remus lifted him up and laid him down on the seat none too gently.
“Hey!” Regulus protested.
Remus was already grinding against him between his parted legs, pressing down hard and gritting his teeth against his own overstimulation. “You can dish it but you can’t take it?”
“Oh, I can take it,” Regulus said, breathless. He was already so close before they’d stopped. He couldn’t just take it. He needed it.
Remus thrust against him and Regulus whimpered.
“You’re so pretty when you whine like that. So pretty all the time.” Remus grunted and ground his hips harder and harder against Regulus. Regulus thrust up against him in return, squirming, whining.
“You’re gonna make me—” Regulus broke off because it was too late. He was already coming. He wrapped his arms around Remus and pulled him closer and they were breathing hard against each other. His hips stuttered, he cried out, Remus kissed his neck as the pleasure coursed through his body. He trembled from head to toe, the muscles of his entire body tightening until the release.
“You even come pretty,” Remus whispered, which earned him one last thrust of Regulus’ hips. And then they were still, Remus propped on his elbows low over Regulus, Regulus still panting like a thirsty dog.
“Are you not a virgin?” Remus asked into the silence finally.
Regulus snorted. “What do you think? What a stupid question.”
“So you made fun of me—”
“Yeah, even though I’m a virgin too.” Remus kissed him and Regulus chuckled. “Why would you kiss me after that?”
“Maybe I like that you’re a little mean,” Remus said and kissed him again.
~
Over the next few months, they inched closer and closer to sex. Hand jobs, then blow jobs, then, one afternoon in the lazy sunlight streaming in through Remus’ bedroom window, Remus fingered him and Regulus had never felt anything quite like it. He wanted more.
The opportunity presented itself during spring break. His parents were going on a vacation, just the two of them. Sirius was staying with James—who had invited Remus as well, but Remus declined—and so Regulus was all alone for a whole week.
“I could come over if you like,” Remus responded when Regulus told him. “Spend the night, even.”
“I don’t need you to.”
“I know,” Remus said with a smile. “But if you want me to, I can.”
“Yeah. Please,” he said.
So Remus did.
He texted first to make sure Sirius was gone, but Sirius had left the moment their parents had.
“You’ll be fine here alone?” Sirius asked.
“Yeah. Go. Have fun with your stupid friends.”
Sirius only grinned and ran off to get in James’ car. That was hours ago.
Now, Regulus let Remus in, feeling jittery, part excitement, part nerves. He had a backpack of clothes and toiletries and whatever else and Regulus showed him to his bedroom to leave it.
“This room is very… you,” he said, looking around.
“Is it?” Regulus asked, trying to see the room through Remus’ eyes.
The color palette of the room was dark. Grays and greens and black. Heavy curtains and an ornate wardrobe. But the thing that was really him about it, at least probably in Remus’ eyes, was the fact that there were books everywhere. Two bookshelves full, with half a dozen stacks on various surfaces and the floor. These were all, of course, books his parents had approved. He hid the ones that Remus let him borrow.
They ate dinner and watched a movie and it was getting late already, but Regulus wasn’t sure he was ready to go to bed.
“You look sleepy,” Remus said finally.
“I am,” Regulus admitted.
“Let’s go to bed.”
But in the bed, Regulus stiffened. Remus spooned him, stroking his arm, warm against Regulus’ back.
“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, Reg,” Remus said eventually. “You seem… scared.”
“I’m not scared.”
“Okay. Let’s just sleep, yeah?” He pressed a gentle kiss to the back of Regulus’ neck. “I’m not expecting anything but that. And I’m tired.”
That put Regulus at ease. He relaxed against Remus, who was playing with a lock of his hair absently. And they fell asleep like that.
In the morning, Regulus woke to Remus kissing his cheeks, his jaw, his neck.
“Sorry, did I wake you?”
“You know that you did,” Regulus said, but it was without malice. Actually, it was quite a nice way to wake up. “Careful, or I’ll get used to waking up this way.”
“Wouldn’t that be nice?” Remus asked against his neck. “Waking up like this every morning?”
His hand snaked up Regulus’ hip and dipped under his shirt, but not far. It paused on his waist and Regulus turned to face Remus full on. Regulus swallowed. Compliments didn’t come easily to him. He’d never been good at nice, but Remus made him want to try.
“You have the most beautiful eyes,” he said.
Remus’ eyes skated over his face. “You know, you think that you’re prickly and mean. On the outside you are, of course.” Regulus scowled, which made Remus chuckle as he continued. “But you’re really sweet, beneath it all.”
“Was that supposed to be a compliment?”
“No,” Remus said. “Just the truth.”
Regulus kissed him then, snaking his hand up Remus’ neck to his jaw and pulling him in tight. Remus’ hand, still beneath Regulus’ shirt, roamed across the plains of skin there. They kissed for a long while, writhing against each other, holding each other in Regulus’ bed, but he could tell that Remus wasn’t going to push them further, even though Regulus could feel his hardness trapped between them. He was hard too, though. Hard and horny and no longer afraid.
He grabbed Remus’ shirt at the hem and started to lift it until Remus got the hint and took it off. Regulus took his own shirt off, then kissed down Remus’ neck, down his chest, flicking Remus’ nipple with his tongue. Remus hissed in a sharp breath and Regulus couldn’t help but smile before he kissed further down until his lips were brushing the edge of Remus’ waistband.
“Regulus, I—” But he was breathless and didn’t seem able to finish the sentence.
“Did you want me to stop?” he asked, keeping his lips close to Remus so they skimmed over his skin when he spoke.
“No. Please don’t stop,” Remus whispered.
Regulus pulled his pants down, off, so that he was bare and vulnerable there. He got between his legs and ran his hands over Remus’ inner thighs, his hips, his pelvis, just barely avoiding him where he was leaking and hard.
“You’re so hard,” Regulus said. “Would you like me to do something about that?”
Remus nodded, swallowing hard, head tilting back as Regulus bent over him and took him in his mouth.
“Oh, your mouth, Reg,” he moaned. “So soft.”
Remus stroked his hand across Regulus' jaw as he bobbed up and down.
“If you’re not careful, I’m gonna come, Reg,” Remus said.
Regulus pulled off for a moment to ask, “Do you want to?”
“Yes, but if you wanted to—”
“Don’t worry about that right now. I want to make you come.”
Remus brushed his thumb along Regulus’ jaw once more and then nodded, so Regulus went back to it. His jaw was aching with the stretch of keeping it open so wide, but Remus’ moans were worth it. Soon he was coming, stiffening and jerking beneath Regulus, and Regulus swallowed, then fell into bed beside Remus.
“That was so good, Reg. You’re so good.”
Regulus couldn’t hide the way the praise made him feel, largely because his cock twitched against Remus’ hip. “Thank you.”
“Don’t you want me to take care of you?” Remus asked, running his hands up down one of Regulus’ sides.
“Yes. But let’s give you a bit to recover first.”
“I can—”
“No,” Regulus said firmly. He traced his finger over Remus’ chest in little swirls. “No, I want to…” He took a deep shaky breath, but there was nothing for it but to be honest. “I want to have sex with you.”
“Oh.” That was a terrifying response and there was enough of a pause afterward that Regulus started to think maybe he should go find a hole to crawl into and wait for death to take him. But then, Remus asked, “Why did you make me come, then?”
Regulus looked up at him and bit his lip. “So you’d last longer.”
Understanding dawned in Remus’ eyes. “Ah. Are you sure?”
“I want you. All of you.”
“I want you too. See?” They looked down together and Remus was already getting hard again. “You’ve already got me like this again.”
Regulus’ stomach fluttered at the thought that Remus actually wanted him that badly. Regulus rolled onto his stomach, but Remus got up to get something out of his backpack.
“Lube,” he said. He chuckled when Regulus raised an eyebrow. “I brought it just in case. And good thing I did.”
“Yeah. Good thing.”
He got between Regulus’ legs as he lubed his fingers. One of his hands massaged Regulus’ thigh, his ass cheek, then pulled them apart to expose his hole. Regulus felt warm all over as Remus stared at him there. He twitched when he felt a finger probing his hole.
“Have you ever had anything in here?” Remus asked.
“Only your fingers.” Regulus gasped as the finger pressed into him.
“So sensitive,” Remus teased as he worked the finger in and out. “You make such sweet sounds.”
Thorough as always, Remus took his time with that first finger before adding the second. Normally, when they did this, they stopped at two. But Remus was big. After a long while opening his fingers up to make space and pressing them in, Remus asked, “Can you take a third, you think?”
“If you’re careful,” Regulus said. His hands were fisted in the sheets now and he was covered in a sheen of sweat.
“I’ll be so careful with you,” Remus promised.
His third finger probed at the edge of Regulus’ hole, but it wasn’t until he folded it in so his fingers were in a triangle that it slipped in. Regulus hissed.
“Are you okay?” Remus asked, sitting very still.
“Yeah,” Regulus said, but it came out rough and shaky. “Just give me a minute.”
They stayed like that for a while, very still, until it started to feel comfortable. Regulus relaxed.
“Okay. Go on,” Regulus said.
Remus worked those three fingers in and out for a while, opening his fingers a little here and there and soon Regulus felt ready.
“Are you sure?” Remus asked.
“I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t sure,” Regulus snapped, which only made Remus chuckle and pull his fingers out. He lubed himself as Regulus lifted his ass for a better angle.
When Remus pressed his cock against Regulus’ hole, Regulus jumped away instinctively.
“Reg,” Remus said softly. “We don’t have to do this—”
Regulus turned to look over his shoulder. “I already told you I want you.”
Remus rubbed Regulus’ lower back contemplatively. “I want you too.”
“Then do it.”
“You’re so small,” he said, but his tone was light now. “Not sure you’ll be able to take me.”
“Try me.”
Remus nodded, but again took his time. He rubbed Regulus’ back, his ass, his thighs until Regulus was relaxed. Only then did he line himself up again and press forward. Regulus made a high pitched noise and Remus froze.
“Does it hurt?”
“No, god, no, it feels so good. Keep going.”
Slow and steady, Remus pressed in until he was fully inside, his hips pressed against Regulus’ ass.
“I’m so full,” Regulus whined, but it was a good whine. The kind full of need and want and satisfaction.
“You’re so tight,” Remus said. “Fuck, I still might not last long.”
“It doesn’t matter either way,” Regulus said, burying his face in the pillow beneath him. “I’m so fucking close.”
Remus reached around Regulus and wrapped a hand around his hardness. He was leaning low now, so Regulus could hear him when he growled, “We’re both going to come twice then.”
Regulus couldn’t form a response though, because Remus started stroking him and the feeling was divine. He was so full and Remus’ hand around him was tugging him closer and closer to climax.
“Come on, Reg,” Remus said. “Come on, come for me.”
That sent him over the edge. Remus hissed as Regulus tightened on him, painting the sheets beneath him white and crying out.
“How was that?” Remus asked.
“So good. So so good.”
Already, he wanted more, despite the overstimulation. He thought Remus would start thrusting then. He pulled out though and Regulus whined, but Remus turned him over onto his back. “I want to see you. I want you to see me.”
He lifted Regulus’ legs and pressed back in, gentle at first, then thrusting evenly. Every time he pushed in, he hit the spot inside Regulus that made him whine, made him cry out, made him clutch Remus’ shoulders and scratch at his back.
They were both breathing hard, not enough air between them for words. Not enough for anything but moans.
Soon, so soon, they were coming. Together. Remus thrust into him hard and Regulus wrapped around him tighter and they were crying out in each other’s arms.
When Remus collapsed onto him, both of them spent and exhausted, Regulus had never been happier.
~
By the end of spring break, Regulus really had grown used to waking up with Remus beside him. On that last afternoon, his chest was tight with the thought that it might never happen again.
“Don’t be sad,” Remus said over lunch. “We’re still going to spend plenty of time together.”
“Not like this.”
“No,” Remus agreed. “Not like this.”
He led Remus to his bed one more time. I’ll never be able to sleep in this bed again without thinking of him.
They spooned for a long time, but eventually the wiggling of Regulus’ ass against his crotch made Remus moan. “You have no idea what you do to me.”
“Have you considered that maybe I do know and I’m doing it on purpose?” Regulus asked coyly.
He slid Regulus’ pants down around his thighs and palmed his ass, then murmured against the back of his neck, “Is this what you wanted?”
“Yes.”
“I can’t resist you.”
He bit the back of Regulus’ neck, making him take in a sharp breath, then reached over him for the lube.
“Get yourself ready for me, Reg,” he said and handed it to Regulus.
He didn’t need to be told twice. He worked fingers in easily, quickly, impatiently. Remus kissed down the back of his neck and across his shoulders, only heightening his need.
“I’m ready,” Regulus said finally. He reached back and grabbed Remus’ hips as if to guide him in.
“Patience,” Remus admonished.
“No.” He pulled insistently on Remus’ hip and finally felt him press in. Lying like this on their sides, they rocked in tandem, perfectly in sync, drawing moans from them both.
Regulus reached back over his shoulder and tangled his fingers in Remus’ hair, keeping him close against Regulus’ back. Close, close, hopefully forever.
“I’m close,” Regulus warned and Remus reached around to stroke him. It only took two pumps of his hand to make Regulus come.
Remus came soon after, moaning in Regulus’ ear.
“God, I love you.”
Regulus stiffened beside him and lay like that for a very long time. Almost afraid to move, even as Remus pulled out of him.
“Reg. Hey, Reg, come on.” Remus sat up, then coaxed him up and pulled him into his lap. “Don’t do this.”
“What?” Regulus asked, allowing Remus to trap him here, but refusing to look into his face.
“Push me away.”
This made him look at Remus, who was staring down at him with something like understanding in his face. Regulus hated how much he wanted to kiss that face.
“I’m not.”
“Not yet,” Remus agreed. “But you were about to. You were about to decide that either I’m too good for you, or you’re too good for me.”
“The latter, I think,” Regulus said and the rumble of a laugh in Remus’ chest made him relax a little.
“And you’re almost right. You’re probably too good for me. Do you know the problem?” Remus asked and Regulus shook his head. “The problem is that whether one of us is too good for the other or not, it doesn’t matter. Because we’re also perfect for each other.”
“You deserve someone—”
“Ah ah!” Remus chided. “See, that doesn’t matter either. I’ll refer you back to my previous point about being perfect for each other.”
Regulus let his head fall against Remus’ chest. He listened to the sound of Remus’ even breathing, let it soothe him like a lullaby.
Finally, he said, “We really are, aren’t we?”
“We are. So I can tell you that I love you, and that’s okay. Because you’re perfect for me. And you can say something mean back, and that’s okay too. Because I’m perfect for you. Ready?”
Regulus sighed. “If you must.”
“I love you.”
“You’re an idiot.”
But he twisted and kissed Remus greedily.
~
It was the last week of school, the last week of his sophomore year, and Regulus wasn’t allowed to go.
Remus: Where have you been??
Remus: It’s been 3 days
Remus: Please answer
Regulus: Come pick me up
When Remus pulled up, Regulus was already sitting on the sidewalk outside waiting. He could see the moment that Remus put together what had happened. Why he’d missed school for three days in a row, right at the end of the school year. Why he hadn’t been answering texts and calls. He was out of the car the second he’d parked, scooping Regulus up from the ground and pushing him into the passenger seat.
As they drove off, his hands were tight around the steering wheel, like he was only just keeping his anger in check. He had to breathe deeply for a long time just to stop trembling. Regulus gave him time. He understood what Remus was feeling, but it had been his life for so long. He was used to it. Remus was not.
“Your face,” Remus said finally. Regulus didn’t respond. “What did they do to you?”
Regulus leaned against the window and watched the houses they passed. “What does it look like? Come on, Remus. You’re smart enough to figure it out.”
“Don’t be a prick right now, Reg,” Remus said. He was keeping his eyes on the road and very pointedly away from Regulus. “It’s not funny.”
“You think I don’t know that?” Regulus asked. “But I’m always a prick, if my parents are to be believed.”
Apparently, Remus couldn’t drive any further. He pulled over in a neighborhood and parked just by a playground. It was empty. No children. A little sad, Regulus decided. Remus reached for him and he flinched, then cursed himself for it. It only made Remus shake harder.
“Don’t believe a single word they say.”
Regulus finally turned to face him, only increasing the horror on his face. He hadn’t seen the bruises, but he could imagine how bad they were based on the swelling, the tightness in his cheeks.
“Thanks for coming to get me.”
“I’ll always be there when you need me,” Remus said. He moved slower this time, reaching up to cup Regulus’ bruised cheek in his hand. “What happened?”
“They found out about you. Not you, really, but that I’ve been seeing a guy.” Regulus shook his head. “Someone saw us, I guess, and told them. They said I can’t go back to school. They’re looking into boarding school for next year,” he croaked.
“I won’t let them send you away.”
“I don’t know if we have a choice. I’m hoping they cool off about it over the summer, but if not…”
“I’ll keep coming to get you like this,” Remus promised.
“This is only going to get me in more trouble. When I get back, they’ll be angry.”
“So don’t go back.”
Regulus smiled a little sadly at him. Sweet, noble, kind Remus. “I have to.”
“My parents wouldn’t mind—”
“I would. I told you a long time ago, I’m just not the rebellious type.”
Remus sighed. “The bruise looks awful.”
“That’s part of why I can’t go back to school.”
“At least let me come see you sometimes.”
“Of course. I’ll sneak out or sneak you in.” He stared at Remus for a long time and he was only being honest when he said, “I love you, Remus.”
Remus’s mouth fell open, just a little, lips parted in a shocked expression.
Regulus crossed his arms over his chest. “Well, you don’t have to look so fucking surprised.”
This made Remus laugh, really laugh, though he had tears in his eyes. “I love you too, you mean little thing.”
“Promise me you’ll love me forever,” Regulus said and he realized that he was crying now.
“I will. I’ll love you forever.”
~
That first month of summer break was the most miserable of his life. He was locked away in his room for most of the day. Any time he was allowed out, there were constant lectures about the ‘dangers’ of homosexuality. Regulus chafed under it, but Sirius chafed worse.
He would come to Regulus’ room at night, just to talk. It was the most they’d ever talked in their lives. The closest they’d been since they were very little.
“They’re just so fucking awful,” Sirius said. He was lying across Regulus’ bed, with Regulus sitting curled up in a ball near the pillows.
“Yeah,” Regulus said. “I’m sorry I messed your summer up too.”
“You haven’t.” Sirius waved a dismissive hand. “I’ve been sneaking out every night. Anyway, it’s their fault. They’re such stupid, backwards assholes.” He looked at Regulus out of the corner of his eye. “You could have told me, though.”
“Told you what?”
“That you’re gay. I mean, I am too. It’s not a big deal.”
“I know.” Regulus sighed and rested his chin on his knees. The only reason he hadn’t told Sirius was because it was Remus he’d been all over the past year. A whole year. They wouldn’t even get to celebrate their anniversary, not really. Maybe in the middle of the night eventually, but it was hard to get out. Get away.
“They said you were seeing some guy.”
Regulus nodded, but he couldn’t respond.
Sirius grabbed his ankle and squeezed in what was probably supposed to be a comforting gesture. “Hey. You’ll see him at school.”
“Not if they send me away first.”
Sirius’ lips pressed into a thin line. Regulus looked back on this moment later, because he was pretty certain this was the moment Sirius decided to try to take the heat off of his little brother a bit.
One evening at dinner, Sirius stood unceremoniously and said, “I’m gay.”
Their mother dropped her fork with a clatter on her plate. “You crass little—”
“Oh, I can show you crass, mother.” He grinned and dropped his napkin on the table. “Not only am I gay, I’ve spent the last two years fucking guys as often as I—”
“Sirius!” his mother shrieked. She stood too and looked at their father, whose mouth hung open dumbly.
“Sirius,” Regulus said under his breath, but Sirius only winked at him, then strolled around the table.
“So I think it best I take my leave,” Sirius said headed for the door.
“Come back here, right this—!” their father thundered, but Sirius took off outside. They could hear the revving of an engine and their father chased after him, but Regulus stayed put and listened as a car peeled out down the street. Then there was silence.
Though the aftermath of this included a lot of shouting, none of it was directed at Regulus. In fact, either they had completely forgotten that he was also gay, or they had decided to pretend he wasn’t. Either way, they loosened the reins on him a bit.
Regulus called Sirius often after that. Despite the fact that Sirius left, they’d suddenly never been closer. He never did return to the Black house. He lived with James instead.
And, best of all, with the wrath of his parents no longer directed at him, he started to see Remus again. Carefully, quietly, but often.
“Thank you, for waiting for me,” Regulus said when they saw each other again.
“I’d wait for you forever. I made you a promise and I intend to keep it.” He pressed his lips to Regulus’ and all felt right with the world. “I’ll love you forever.”
“I’ll love you forever too.”