Chapter Text
“This absolutely cannot be the best solution to this problem.” Darcy was well aware that she was beginning to sound petulant as she stood in Phil Coulson’s office with her arms firmly crossed.
“As I have repeatedly explained,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose with a sigh, “we no longer have the same kind of resources to build covers that we once did.”
“But this isn’t even a cover!” she exclaimed, for probably the fifth time.
“He needs public legitimacy and stability, you need protection. We don’t have the resources to fake that with covers.” Phil’s calm demeanour was beginning to fray ever so slightly at the edges.
Darcy huffed in exasperation, leaning against the wall and pressing two fingers to her temples as if she could make this whole situation go away by pressing hard enough.
“And how exactly does this provide him with legitimacy and stability again?”
“I creates a public record, ties his assets to someone with a social security number that doesn’t raise all sorts of questions, and doesn’t hurt his public image.” This was a rote response by this point.
“And explain to me why I need protection?” at this point, she was well aware she was just spinning out the inevitable.
“Your name was released with the SHIELD files. There are plenty of groups out there who are interested in what you know and will take advantage of your lack of SHIELD training.” At this, Phil looked at her with something approaching sympathy.
Damn him and those scrunchy concerned lines around his eyes that reminded her ever so slightly of her Dad. Oh god, what were her parents going to think?
She sighed heavily and sunk into a chair across from Coulson’s desk.
“Let’s just suppose for a minute that I did agree to this obviously insane plan,” she started cautiously, “what would the first step be?”
She could see Phil try very hard not to look relieved that this ordeal was approaching an end.
“Well,” he said, “Meeting the guy might be a good start.”
“Fine,” she said listlessly, “set it up.”
“To be clear Ms. Lewis,” Phil started carefully, “are you agreeing.”
She let out one more long suffering sigh, “It’s not forever right?”
“No,” he assured her, “Just until things calm down and until SHIELD or the Avengers have the resources to manage this in another way.”
“Then yes,” she said, “I am agreeing, so long as he does too.”
“Sergeant Barnes will follow orders,” said Phil far too casually, “He’s waiting outside, I’ll just call him in.”
“What?!” exclaimed Darcy, but it was far too late. She didn’t even have a moment to smooth down her hair before Phil walked out into the hall and came back moment later towing one of the dourest looking men Darcy had ever set eyes on.
She stood up with a start, almost knocking over the chair and probably earning herself an impressive bruise on her thigh.
“Sergeant Barnes,” said Coulson, “Meet Darcy Lewis. Ms. Lewis, Sergeant James Buchannan Barnes.”
The two of them just stood there, avoiding each other’s gaze.
Coulson coughed uncomfortably.
“Well,” he said after a very awkward silence, “we will start discussing strategy tomorrow. For now, I’ll just leave you to get acquainted, if you like.”
He slipped out of the office with remarkable haste.
There was a long and very uncomfortable silence. Sergeant Barnes was standing ramrod straight, his gaze somewhere over her left shoulder.
It didn’t look like he was about to start this incredibly awkward conversation.
“So,” she said tentatively, tucking her hair behind her ear, “I guess we’re getting married?”
+
+
“Oh my GOD Jane, it was the WORST!” Darcy moaned as she flopped across Jane’s bed. Stark tower wasn’t exactly where she wanted to be right now, as it was apparently where the sad marble statue of a man she was supposed to marry for her own protection lived, but Jane assured her that he was on a different floor and never ventured up to the common space near Jane’s apartment. “He didn’t even TALK to me! Just nodded awkwardly until I left!”
“Thor’s offer is always open you know,” said Jane, rummaging through her kitchen to find glasses for the tequila she had pilfered from Tony’s stash.
“So my options are get married to a stone wall or completely leave my whole life behind and hang around doing nothing in Asgard?” she said in a whine, muffled by Jane’s bedding.
“Yes,” said Jane, “those are your choices.”
“Can’t I just take my chances?” she tried, rolling over on to her back as Jane came in with glasses.
“Absolutely not,” said Jane firmly, setting two shot glasses down on her bed side table, filling them, and passing one to Darcy. “Now take this and tell me all about your fiancé.”
Darcy glared at Jane but pulled herself up to a sitting position, resting beside Jane where she had settled against the head board. After the tequila had stopped burning its way down her throat, she let out a long sigh.
“I get it, I do. I know that this is SHIELD and the Avengers trying to help but its just so...” she made a waving gesture with her hand. “I mean, this isn’t my world, you know?”
Jane poured another shot.
“It kind of is though,” said Jane, handing it over, “I mean, you’re, like, best friends with Thor.”
“Well sure,” Darcy agreed easily enough, downing the second shot, “but I don’t hang out in the tower here with you, and I’m no longer involved in any of the crazy space science stuff. I mean, I’ve never even met anyone other than Natasha who I still maintain is the most terrifying person in the whole world.”
“You know,” said Jane considering, “I get the impression from Thor that Natasha and Barnes have some sort of history together.”
“You are not helping,” Darcy huffed.
“Right,” said Jane, looking vaguely amused, “sorry.” Her expression sobered somewhat. “Darce, you know how sorry I am that you got dragged into all this…”
Darcy waved her off, it was a conversation they had had many times.
“But you did get dragged in. And if SHIELD and the Avengers think that this is the best way too keep you safe, then I say go for it. You can make it work. And, I mean, he’s not too hard to look at, right?” Jane asked with a grin as she poured another round.
“No,” said Darcy with a grudging smile, “that super soldier physique isn’t terrible. But it’s hard to get much of an impression of his face with all that hair and frowning.”
She threw back the drink Jane handed her.
“Plus,” she drew a breath, “I mean, he’s a little bit…”
Jane raised an eyebrow as Darcy paused.
“He’s kind of terrifying,” she said in a rush. “I mean, I know you say he’s friends with Captain America and I’m sure Coulson wouldn’t have suggested this if he wasn’t…okay, you know? But I saw the news footage, I saw what he did in D.C., you know?”
Jane reached over and put a comforting hand on Darcy’s arm. There was an odd thud outside that caused them both to look up, but nothing followed so they went back to their conversation.
“I will give you that he’s not exactly the run of the mill guy you meet at a bar, but Steve vouches for him, and you know Coulson wouldn’t put you in any danger,” said Jane.
“Yeah,” she agreed tentatively, “but what is life going to be like, you know? Are we going to be awkward strangers sharing an apartment but never speaking? And what if he goes postal again? And oh god is he going to be going out to assassinate people on the weekends?”
Jane raised an eyebrow at her. “Well he is sort of an Avenger now,” she mused.
Darcy let out a heavy sigh.
“This is really weird,” she said finally.
“Yep,” said Jane, which was pretty comforting, because Jane was intimately familiar with this sort of weird factor.
They sat in silence for a moment, but were interrupted by a knock at the door.
Darcy looked over at Jane in surprise. “Jane, did you tell any of the super people I was here?”
“No,” said Jane comfortingly, “of course, they are sort of all super spies and stuff, so they usually figure that kind of thing out.”
Darcy covered her head with a pillow as Jane got up to answer the door.
“Hey Steve,” Darcy heard from the other room. “Come on in.”
Unless she was mistaken, that was Jane letting Steve Rogers, aka Captain America and BFF to her soon to be fake but totally real husband, into her apartment.
“Darce,” Jane stuck her head into the room, “It’s just Steve. I swear, he’s really nice. Come say hi.”
“Traitor,” Darcy muttered at her, but she pulled herself to her feel, straightened her dress, and headed into Jane’s living room, the tequila heating up her blood making it a little bit easier that it probably otherwise would have been.
“Ms. Lewis,” an incredibly tall blond with clear blue eyes and a sheepish smile greeted her, hand outstretched. “Steve Rogers, it’s so nice to meet you.”
She took his hand tentatively. “Darcy,” she said giving his hand a shake and feeling very very surreal. And, because reality didn’t quite seem to be sticking to this situation. “So I guess I’m getting married to your best friend.”
Steve Rogers raised an eyebrow at her and then let out a laugh that was more charming than anyone had any right to be.
“I guess so,” he said with a grin. “I know Bucky…James,” he clarified at her questioning expression, “can be a bit…”
“Terrifying?” Darcy supplied as he paused.
Steve grimaced, “I was going to go for slow to warm up,” he said. “With everything that has happened, he can be really hard on himself. He was…not happy with how your meeting went today.”
“So he sent you to apologise for him?” Darcy said incredulously.
“No!” said Steve at once, “Not at all! He’s going to kill me when he finds out I…I’m going about this all wrong.”
Darcy had to grin as Steve ran a hand through his hair and flopped down onto Jane’s couch. She cautiously took a seat across from him.
Jane had conveniently made herself scarce.
“Look,” said Darcy with far more calm than she felt, “It’s not like I have any idea how to go about this whole thing either. I mean, this isn’t really my world. I’m currently really trying not to think too hard about the fact that Captain America is probably going to be best man at my sham wedding.”
Steve grinned at her, “I hope you make Phil throw you a really extravagant reception.”
“Oh, I’m planning on it,” said Darcy with some enthusiasm. If she didn’t stop to think about the fact that this was Captain America, Steve Rogers actually seemed like a pretty nice guy.
“Look,” he said, “All I wanted to do was ask you to cut Bucky a bit of slack. I know he can come across as harsh, but I promise you that he wants to keep you safe and he’s really grateful that you’re agreeing to help him out.” And he looked so sincere and hopeful that Darcy melted a little on the inside.
I mean, if this guy thought Barnes was alright, there must be something too it, right?
“I can do that,” she said with a grin.
“And…uh,” Steve looked awkward and a slight flush was rising to his cheeks, “maybe…if you want to talk about this with Dr. Foster…maybe outside the tower would be better? His hearing is better than you’d think.”
Darcy’s jaw dropped and she could feel her cheeks flooding with color. “Did he…was he listening to…”
“We were walking through the common area,” said Steve sheepishly, “we didn’t catch much. He just…I think he heard what you said about being…being a bit frightened of him.”
“Well,” said Darcy darkly, “this is all off to a great start.”
Steve smiled at her kindly. “He’ll get over it. He always did take it too hard when a pretty girl wasn’t ready to fall into his arms on first meeting.”
Darcy flushed, “Did he…did he say anything about me?” she asked in spite of herself.
“A few things,” said Steve with a bit of a twinkle in his eye, “you should ask him next time you see him.”
Darcy let out a sigh, “which I suppose will be in a bunch of very boring tactical briefings about our fake wedding starting tomorrow.”
“Probably,” said Steve, standing up with a grin. “It was very nice to meet you Darcy,” he said.
“You too,” she said, and she genuinely meant it. “Tell your friend to try cracking a smile once in a while will you?” she asked as he headed for the door. “It’d probably help with the whole stone faced super soldier thing he has going on right now.”
“I’ll tell him,” said Steve, as he showed himself out of the apartment.
“So,” said Jane questioningly as she walked back into the room.
“So that’s Captain America, hey?” said Darcy.
“Just Steve around here,” said Jane, taking Steve’s former spot on the couch.
“He’s…he’s kinda cool,” said Darcy, “how come I can’t marry him?”
“Because he doesn’t need your help like Barnes does,” said Jane with suspicious speed, “And Coulson was worried that it’d put more of a target on you rather than making you any safer.”
“Oh my god, you guys actually talked about it?” Darcy screeched.
“Sure,” said Jane with a grin, “Steve took one look at that photo Thor keeps of you and agreed to it on the spot, if everyone else thought it was the best plan.”
As incredibly flattering as that was, she silently agreed with Coulson that fake married to Captain America was way closer to the spotlight than she wanted to be.
“What about Barnes?” she asked, “why did he agree?”
“I wasn’t there,” said Jane, “but Thor says that Steve just told him that you needed his help and he agreed. Apparently it was very noble. Thor didn’t even show him the photo.”
“Huh,” said Darcy considering. “So he agreed without knowing anything about me?”
“Yeah,” said Jane, “I think he did. Which suggests maybe he’s not as terrifying and stone cold as he comes across right?”
“Maybe,” said Darcy absently as she looked out of the window. She wondered how it was possible that her life had become so complicated in such a short span of time.
+
+
She was expected in Coulson’s office at 10:00am the next morning. Apparently SHIELD had faked up some sort of conference for her so she could spend the next week with them rather than at her job at city hall.
She spent a bit of extra time picking out something professional but flattering and fussing with her hair for reasons she chose not to contemplate.
It was 9:59 precisely as she turned into the hallway that led to Coulson’s office, and directly into the back of Sergeant Barnes.
“Oh!” she exclaimed, back pedalling abruptly, “Sorry. I…”
He turned and reached out a hand to her elbow to steady her. She felt the cold metal of it against her skin and flinched.
Her heart immediately sank at the way the corners of his eyes tightened and he dropped his hand abruptly.
“No, I…” she tried to explain. And then gave up with a sigh. “This is weird,” she finally said.
He looked at her for a moment, and then his lips turned up ever so slightly, drawing lines at the corner of his eyes as he ducked his head as if to hide it.
“Yes,” he agreed, the low rumble of his voice warmer than she would have expected, the hint of a smile on his face making him appear almost boyish. She wondered if Steve had told him to do it.
“So, can we just agree that it’s a weird situation, but it’s probably going to be easier if we try to get to know each other a bit?” she asked tentatively.
“Alright,” he agreed evenly, sticking his hands in his pockets.
“You know,” said Darcy after a pause, decided that pussyfooting around wasn’t going to help either of them, “it would help if you said more than one word at a time.”
An honest to goodness grin crossed his face, changing his appearance in a way that made Darcy’s heart almost skip a beat.
“Sure,” he said.
Darcy raised an incredulous eyebrow at him. “You know that Coulson likes me right? And that if I decide you should be wearing powder blue at our sham wedding it will happen?”
He looked at her appraisingly. “You’re a little bit ruthless, aren’t you?” he said in a tone that suggested he was not at all displeased by this.
“You have no idea Barnes,” she said with a tentative grin. “Well, I guess we should get to this really weird meeting right?” She added after a pause.
He stepped to one side, motioning for her to lead the way.
She wondered if it was a conscious thing, the way he kept her on his left hand side, keeping his firing arm free as the walked down the hall. It didn’t really allay any of her nerves about his job and his past, but it did make her realise that the whole protection thing was no joke. He walked beside her like he was waiting for an attack.
It was a heavy thought that weighed her down through what would otherwise have been a fairly humorous meeting. Watching SHIELD analysts try and speak technically about how it was important that their relationship looked real was pretty entertaining.
“Look,” said Darcy finally, after loosing track of where they were in time tables and “operations” that sounded a hell of a lot like dates, “This is not going to work if you lot are trying to plan out every step, because that’s not how the whole dating thing works.”
The three analysts sitting with Coulson at the table blinked owlishly at her. She stifled a grin as she wondered whether they actually had any real experience with dating. She thought, by the slight creases at the corner of Barnes’ eyes, he might be thinking the same thing.
“Here’s what I suggest,” she barrelled forward, “we can’t have been dating for more than about four or five months, otherwise I would have already told my parents. So first, I’ll call them up and tell them about Barnes, then we’ll make sure to be seen together in public once a week or so, and in a couple of months we can elope. We don’t need you to plan out all the details, we’re adults. We can figure it out. Right Barnes?”
She looked at him, trying to project more confidence than she felt.
He nodded solidly, looking at her steadily.
“You will need to pay for the elopement though,” she added as an afterthought, “I’m not having my parents pay for a sham wedding.”
There was a moment of silence. “This is acceptable,” said Coulson with an edge of amusement in his voice. “Just touch base with me and the analysts about public events where we can increase your profile while maintaining security, alright?”
“She won’t go anywhere where I can’t keep her safe,” said Barnes suddenly, an edge of fierce indignation in his voice.
“Of course,” said Coulson evenly, although she thought she saw one of his eyebrows twitch up, “I’m just asking you to keep us in the loop.”
Barnes nodded stiffly, and then spoke again. “Are we done?” he asked sharply.
Coulson nodded.
Barnes stood up abruptly, looking over at Darcy with a questioning sort of look. She stood up, feeling a little bit bewildered, but followed him out of the office and down the hall.
“Barnes,” she said finally after half running to catch up with him, “what’s going on?”
He slowed immediately, “Sorry,” he said tightly. “I just want to get out of the building. Everything here is monitored. Will you come with me?”
“Sure,” she said cautiously.
Apparently that was enough to satisfy him, because he kept striding onwards until they made it outside and onwards a ways until he stopped beside a bench that sat on the edge of a little urban park.
“So,” Darcy said, “you want to explain?”
He let out a tight breath and sat down on the bench, leaving plenty of room for her to sit beside him without any physical contact.
“You don’t need to do this, you know.” He said finally.
“Uhhhh, what?” was all Darcy managed.
“I can keep you safe even if we don’t…you don’t need to go through with this,” he was looking firmly down at his feet.
“But what about you? Isn’t this going to solve a bunch of banking issue for you or something?” Darcy wasn’t quite sure what was going on here.
Barnes let out a derisive laugh. “I think Steve and Coulson are more concerned about cleaning up my image,” he said, “but none of that really matters. This is about keeping you safe. Being…being connected to me might make some of the threats go away, but probably not all of them. So the most important thing is having someone around to make sure you’re safe. I can do that without any of the rest of this.”
There was a lot to unpack in that little monologue, and Darcy was having a hard time working through it.
“What…what brought this on? Why are you so against it all of a sudden?” she winced as she heard the somewhat plaintive tone in her voice.
“I’m not against it,” he said firmly, “well, not…I mean…I just didn’t think about…about your parents. I don’t want you to have to lie to them.”
“Oh,” said Darcy, oddly touched, “it’s okay,” she said “I’m pretty sure they’ll forgive me since it is about keeping me safe. And its not forever.”
He seemed somewhat mollified and his electric edge was seeping away.
“What did you mean about the threats?” Darcy asked after a moment.
Like a switch flipping, he was tense and buzzing again, although he was stone still beside her.
“They didn’t tell you?” he asked tightly.
“Tell me what?” said Darcy, a growing feeling of unease creeping over her.
He stood up abruptly, his hands clenching and unclenching.
“This isn’t about some abstract concern for your safety,” he said finally, “SHIELD is aware of at least four separate groups who are looking for you.”
Darcy was silent for a long moment as what he was saying sunk in.
“Are you okay?” he said finally, standing in front of her looking down with concern.
“Not really,” she said tightly.
“I can understand why you’re afraid,” he said, “but I promise you I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
“Afraid?” she said, confused, “Barnes, I am monumentally pissed. How could Coulson not tell me this? Does he really think I’d be dumb enough to turn down the personal protection of the Winter Soldier if I had known? He could have saved himself hours of talking me into this. I’m going to kill him!”
Barnes looked amused.
“Well if it helps,” he said, “he gave me an expense card that we could misuse.”
“Where’s the nearest very expensive cocktail bar Barnes. I think we could both use a drink.”
They walked in mostly companionable silence until they were ensconced in a cozy booth with pricey drinks on the way.
“So,” said Barnes finally, “it took Coulson hours to talk you into this hey?”
Darcy felt her cheeks flush slightly. “Well it’s a pretty odd situation,” she said, “wouldn’t it be weirder if I was really into throwing myself into a sham marriage with a guy who I only know from news footage?”
She immediately regretted it as his face shut down into a frozen mask.
“That’s not who I am,” he said tightly.
She was prevented from making an immediate reply as their drinks arrive. She took a healthy sip from hers before she spoke.
“I have no idea who you are, really,” she finally said, deciding honestly was probably the better course forward. “Your past and what you do now are things I don’t understand. I’m just a civilian who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and got pulled into all of this. But,” she managed a tentative smile, “I get that all of that isn’t who you are. And anyone who’s willing to rip off Coulson to make me feel better is probably alright.”
He looked at her evenly for a long moment.
“You’re wrong, you know.” He said finally.
“About what?”
“You’re not just a civilian.”
She raised an eyebrow.
“Thor talks about you,” he said in answer, and she supposed it was answer enough.
“Thor spins everything into an epic tale,” she tried to deflect.
He tilted his head to the side, looking at her in a way that made her feel transparent.
“How’s your drink,” he said finally, changing the subject.
“Very expensive,” she said with a grin.
All in all, it was more fun than she thought it would have been. It wasn’t as if Barnes was particularly chatty, but he seemed content to listen to her tell stories about how Jane and Thor met, and what it was like working in municipal government.
And he walked her right to the door of her tiny little walk up in Chelsea, although he frowned at the building like it personally offended him.
“We should move you into the tower as soon as it makes sense,” he said, as he watched her undo the single lock on the door to the stairwell.
She blinked at him in surprise. “You want me to move in with you?”
She hadn’t really turned her mind to that side of things yet. All of a sudden the weirdness of the situation came crashing down on her again. Surely they would have to share space, at least after the charade of a wedding, if not before. And people were going to expect them to be close in public. And all of a sudden she was thinking about what kissing him would be like.
She could feel her cheeks heating up.
He looked like he was containing a grin. “If you like,” he said evenly. “Or we can get Stark to sort something out so you have your own space.”
“I don’t know…I mean, I hadn’t really thought about…” she let out a sigh. “This is weird again.”
He smiled at her, and she wondered how she could have thought he was so cold only a day ago. “We’ll talk about it another time,” he said.
“Oh!” she exclaimed, reaching into her pocket, “I don’t even have your number.” She pulled out her phone and passed it to him.
“Right,” he said, taking it from her. After a moment he handed it back. “Everything that’s in writing can be read,” he said warningly, “so don’t text me about how weird this is,” he said with an amused expression.
It was annoying, how composed he was about all of this.
“Right,” she agreed, “I should probably start compiling a nice backlog of sexts for the record.”
She felt more pleased than she should have when a hint of color crept up his neck. “That’s not…I mean…I wouldn’t…is that what people do now?” he finally blurted out, looking scandalised.
She laughed out loud. “I suppose you’ll find out Barnes.” She said with a wink, “See you soon!” she closed the door behind her before he could get another word in.
It only hit her when she had reached her apartment and closed the door behind her that that had been awfully flirty. She was flirting with the stone cold assassin she was about to fake marry for her own protection.
She groaned and banged her head against the wall once or twice.
She pulled out her phone and called Jane.
“Oh no,” she said without preamble when Jane picked up.
“I heard you left the meeting with Barnes. Did things go that poorly?” Came Jane’s response.
“I accidentally flirted with him,” she said, and then added, “He’s really hot.”
“Oh no,” echoed Jane.
“I know!!!”
She flopped down on her couch with a huff. This was so inconvenient.