Pretty when I cry

by Funnygirl00

Summary:

"You look pretty when you cry." Those were the words that would echo in Kate's head after she murdered her husband. She soon finds herself married to Thomas Shelby, who's forced by his family to protect her. Will both of them pull each other out of the water that's pulling them under or will they both chose to drown in order to be free?

Chapter 1: The party

Author's note: The first two chapters will be pretty rough, especially for those who've been following my Kate & Tommy series. Still, read the tags, keep in mind it's part of my Lana series and be prepared. (And no, Tommy's not the one hurting her in here. The violence will calm down drastically once Kate's out of this 'marriage' and moves past the trauma.) I do switch the character POV's during the harder chapters, so if it gets to be too much for you, skip to the horizontal line.

---

1924

---

Kate winced as her husband came inside her at the exact moment her brother-in-law came inside her mouth. Both men let out grunts of pleasure like the pigs that they were, having found their release. There was never any pleasure for her. Never any release, but she was too dead inside to feel anything. She’d been married to George Sabini for nearly two years now and she’d been put through enough hell to have been married to him for twenty years. She felt like she was fifty years old instead of thirty.

She pulled her mouth off Darby Sabini’s cock, only to get a smack on the back of her head from George. “Clean my brother’s cock off!” He snapped, instantly alerting her to what she’d done ‘wrong’ in his eyes. “I trained you better than that.”

Kate opened her mouth and dutifully began to clean of Darby Sabini’s cock with her tongue. Darby exhaled and leaned back. “I’ll say this, she’s got a better mouth than my Annie.”

“Hasn’t every whore got a better mouth than your Annie?” George teased, causing both men to laugh raucously. George smacked her sore backside from where he’d beaten her earlier. “No whore, has an ass like my Kate.”

Darby laughed. “Indeed.” 

Kate finished licking Darby clean and only after doing up his trousers, did she sit up. George still had his cock buried inside her. The fact that they were in a car going to a party didn’t stop his seemingly endless cycle of abuse. Darby wasn’t even attending this party with George. He had another event nearby and they decided to meet around the corner so Darby's wife wouldn't know. Darby’s chauffeur followed behind George’s car while both men made use of her body. George shoved her rudely off him, knocking her to the floor. Darby grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around to George, who nodded at her. 

“You know what to do.” She nodded and placed her hand on George’s thighs. She opened her mouth and started licking his cock. He grabbed her by the head. “Suck it!” she did what he said instantly, taking him fully in her mouth knowing that if she failed to please him, which was always, it’d be worse for her. “Wearing anything under your dress?” she shook her head. Darby laughed. “Lift the dress.” she did, worried as to what George would do to her. His foot shot forward, kicking her. “F**k yourself on my shoe.” She spread her legs, wincing as George thrust the tip of his shoe in and out of her. She fought back the tears. He loved it when she cried and she hated giving him the satisfaction of the feeling that he’d ‘won’. She internally was crying though.

“So what the f**k is this dinner for?” Darby asked

“It’s a charity event, put on by Shelby’s wife.” George said. “She’s building some sort of foundation for the orphans. Perfect for getting rid of any dirty money.”

“Why the f**k are you invited?”

“I was invited,” George said. “because my whore is part of a rich and influential family.”

She used to be. Darby had blown through her entire dowry and had demanded a hefty sum of 240,000 pounds a year from her father in exchange for not hurting her. She called her father every week, with George standing beside her and lied as to the state of her health. Her father could afford it, but he wasn’t in the best state of health. As long as he was ill, Kate wasn’t going to bring him into this. George could torment her all he wanted, but she wasn’t going to let him hurt her father. He had nearly killed her father last year when she’d run for help. She wasn’t about to make the same mistake twice.

The car braked roughly to a stop, causing her to sink further down on George’s shoe than she could handle. She let out a cry, which caused George and Darby to laugh at her. She inhaled sharply as George reached into his wallet and handed the driver 10 pounds. “Nicely done, Charles.”

“My pleasure, Sir.” Of course, Charles had enjoyed doing it. He was just one of the many men on George’s staff that were allowed liberties with her as long as they didn’t release inside her. George wanted her pregnant, but he only wanted her pregnant with his child. Any man that would dare to come inside her would have been killed immediately.

“Off my shoe.” George ordered and Kate scrambled to do so before he kicked her there. George looked at her in amusement. “Fix your face once you’re inside.”

She nodded. “Yes George.”

As she got to her knees, Darby asked. “Need me to send a few men over to teach her a lesson tonight?” God. Not tonight! She was already in agony and exhausted. She couldn’t handle Darby and however many men he chose to lend to George tonight. Still, passing out gave her a respite from whatever torture they devised to put her through, no matter how temporary it was.

“No.” George studied her face, a smile on his face. She used find his smile charming, but now it was sadistic. “She’s being good so far. No need to punish her yet. Isn’t that right, darling?”

She nodded a fake smile on her face. “Yes, George. I’m sorry I displeased you.”

He nods. “Yes, I know you are.” He runs his hand down her cheek and she fought to keep from shuddering as his touch filled her so pure disgust. “No more mistakes tonight and I’ll just f**k you when we get home. Would you like that?”

She wouldn’t, but at least it was just George tonight and not Darby and his mob. “Yes, George.” She said in as sweet a voice that she could muster. “I’ll do better in the future. I hate to displease you.”

“Oh, I know.” He said in a semi-threatening voice. “You were such a wild thing, Kate. When I saw you…I just knew I had to break you, by whatever means possible.”

He still hadn’t broken her. George merely thought he had. As long as her father was alive, George was alive. The very day her father was buried…she was going to kill George Sabini. She didn’t care if that damned her soul to hell; she was fine with going to hell as long as she sent George there first. 

---

“Does your wife know that the sapphire she is wearing has been cursed by a gypsy?”

Never before had words ever scared Thomas Shelby. Words, were always minor things, but these caused fear to fill his entire being and the blood to stop flowing through the veins. The maddening, witch like cackle from the Duchess’s lips didn’t help the unease that was flowing through him. “What did you say?”

“Nothing on Earth,” Tatiana emphasized. “would make me wear it.”

He studied this woman. She was as mad as hell, but there was something in her eyes that told him that his wife was in danger. Tatiana turned and walked away, a knowing smile on her face. He turned to where his wife was, but for the first time, his eye was drawn to the sapphire around her neck, not her. She was in danger. He could feel it. Every inch of him told him that his wife was in danger.

He hurried towards her, not caring whom she was talking to at the moment. “Grace, listen to me.” She was mad at him. He didn’t blame her for being mad at him, but now was not the time for anger. “Look, I can explain.”

She shrugged his arm off her. “Go away.”

She went to walk away from him, but he wouldn’t let her. He’d been without her for too long to lose her to some gypsy curse. “It's---

“Ladies and gentlemen!”

Grace shot him a pointedly disappointed look. “For once, you shouldn't have to explain.”

“The loyalty toast, to His Majesty the King.” Oh, he was going to kill that man if he didn’t shut up.

Now, the whole room chimed in unison. “To the King!”

“Dinner is served.”

“You look beautiful,” he said desperately as his heart rate sped up in his chest. “but you need to take this off.”

“Why?” Grace asked pointedly. “Because you think it would look better on her?”

God, she could jump to the wrong conclusions at the wrong time! “Grace, look at me,” he said as he gripped her gently by the shoulders and turned her to face him. “f**k these people, eh. F**k 'em. I need you to be all right.” Now he had her attention and she finally saw just how worried he was about her. “I need you, Grace.” He confessed honestly. “I need you.”

If there was a God on high, He knew that those words were true. Grace, she was the only thing in this whole world that he loved and he loved her deeply. Words could not describe just how much he loved her. She’d brought love and light into his life. He couldn’t lose her. If he lost her, his soul would return to the mud and blood of France and there it would remain forever.

Grace smiled softly at him, placing a hand on his pounding heart as if she could calm it down. His heart did settle. She placed two fingers under his chin, tilted his face upwards before kissing him. Comfort filled him, as he tasted his sweet wife. She always tasted sweet, like a ripe, wild strawberry. After a moment, she broke the kiss with a smile as she whispered. “Damn you, Tommy Shelby.” unable to stop himself, he pulled his darling wife close and kissed her again. One kiss became two and then three kisses. Words could not express just how much he loved her in this moment. She smiled at him, gently laughing before asking. “Shall we go inside?”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

She took his arm and he turned to lead her into the dining room. Suddenly, the world slowed down for him and every sense in his body was shouting danger. A man pushed passed Polly, a gun in his hand as he shouted at the top of his lungs. “For Angel!”

He brought his hand up to protect his wife, pulling her back behind him at the exact moment Arthur jumped the gunman.

BANG!

A shock instantly went through Grace’s body as people started screaming in terror and running away. Grace went down and he tightened his hold on her as she slumped to the floor. As she sunk down, he realized that it had been her that had been shot. Not him. She’d been shot. 

As Grace laid back on the ground, he shouted. “Get me a f**king ambulance now!”

For a moment, it seemed like no one had responded to him. “Tommy?” Grace slurred faintly as she looked up with him, those beautiful eyes of hers struggling to stay open. She held onto him, her grip growing lax.

“Grace.” He assured her as his heart spun out of control. “I’m here. I’ve got you. You’ll be alright.”

“Tommy?” Polly ran over to him. “Is she---

“I need a f**king ambulance!” He shouted at Polly.

“She needs to be on her back!” This woman, from out of nowhere, came running towards him. He pulled his gun and aimed it at her head, but she wasn’t deterred. “On her back! It’ll slow the bleeding!”

He didn’t know why he did, but he lowered the gun and got Grace on her back as this strange woman had ordered. “Tommy?” Grace said faintly.

“You’re alright.” He assured her. “You’re alright, Grace.” he looked to the woman who has moving his hand out of the way. She didn’t hesitate to press her blue satin covered knee into Grace’s wound, causing her to cry out. “You a nurse?” He demanded.

“No, but my mother used to be. I know a little, but it should be enough to stop her from bleeding out until the ambulance arrives.”

She inhaled. “See if anyone invited here is a doctor! They may have their bag in the car.”

“Ada!” He shouted.

“I’m on it Tom.” Ada assured him as she ran off. “The ambulance is on its way! 15 minutes!”

“T-Tommy.” Grace gasped.

“I’m here, Grace.” he assured her. “I’m here.”

“Keep her calm.” The woman said. “I need someone to get something to elevate her legs.”

He looked over just as John smashed a vase over the man’s head, causing him to groan. Finn was just standing there and he shouted. “Finn!!” Finn jolted and he ordered. “Get something to put under her legs.”

Finn’s eyes darted around and the room and the woman ordered. “The pillar!” Finn jumped into action and she glanced down at her knee in Grace’s shoulder. There was no blood pooling around the knee, so it appeared to have slowed drastically. She exhaled. “I’ll stay here, once the ambulance arrives, they’ll take over.”

He nods. “Thank you.”

The woman nodded, keeping her gaze on her knee as if looking for the blood to start pooling again. “Talk to her. keep her calm, it’ll be alright.”

He inhaled and laid down on the ground so he could look into Grace’s eyes. “Grace?” 

Grace inhaled deeply. “Mhmm, Tommy. if anything happens to me---

He shakes his head. “Nothing’s going to happen to you.”

“If it does---

“I won’t allow it.”

“Take care of Charlie.” She begs. “Please. Promise me.”

he nods. “Yeah, yeah I promise. but you’re not going to die Grace.” he exhales roughly. “Haven’t even been married two months yet. Not gonna lose you.”

the woman with her knee in his wife’s shoulder may have let out a sound, but he didn’t spare her a glance. He talked to Grace, telling her how much he loved her, they talked of their plans for the institution while they waited for the ambulance to arrive.
when the ambulance finally did and the medical crew came running in with a stretcher, the woman got off Grace. “She’s been shot in the shoulder. Looks like it hit an artery. I put pressure on it.”

“Very good.” One of them men said as they put Grace on the stretcher and lifted her up. He hurried alongside her, holding onto her hand as she was loaded up in the van. “You’ll have to follow us.”

“Right.” He nods before leaning forward and kissing Grace on the mouth. “I love you Grace.”

she smiles at him. “I love you Tommy.”

as he turned towards his car, he saw the woman standing there, her green eyes wide. He nods. “You, get in your car and follow us!” 

she didn’t say anything, but she nodded at him. he got in his car and shouted at his driver to keep up with ambulance. Had he a more coherent thought in his head, he’d have realized that the woman never arrived at the hospital.

Chapter 2: Murder

Why hadn’t Mr. Shelby done her a favor and just killed her when she’d run at him to help his wife? Kate thought as she hit the wall hard after being punched in the face by George. Her cheekbone exploded, possibly fractured as she slumped to the ground in pain. She decided not to get up and just stay there. George kicked her in the stomach and she cried out. He grabbed her by the hair again as he slammed her face into the wall. He was furious, actually furious to the point of near insanity. The moment Mr. Shelby had driven off, George had grabbed her by the hair and dragged her to his car. He had smashed her head into the door hard enough to knock her out and she’d come to just as he dragged her out of the car.
“You went too far!” He shouted as her nose cracked, splurting blood onto the carpet. This was the fourth time he’d broken her nose. “Too far!” she didn’t bother to beg him to stop. Begging was useless and he enjoyed it. Her only hope was that he grew exhausted and left her alone after he wore himself out. God knew what he was going to do to her tonight. There was a fair in town and fortunately, most of the staff would be gone so he couldn’t bring in too many men tonight.

He grabbed her by the throat and snarled at her. “You’re going to die tonight.” her blood ran cold. He threatened to kill her many times, but this time…he actually meant it. “You’re gonna die.” With that, he threw her to the ground and she lay there gasping as she clutched her aching throat. 

Her mind was reeling as she watched him walk over to the phone. She felt as if she were moving through a cloud, aware, but in a haze. 

He called Darby’s house and the butler picked up. “Yeah, it’s George. Yeah. Well, get all the men together and when Darby arrives…let him know my whore of a wife went too far.” He laughed darkly as Kate pushed herself up to her knees, looking around for something to hit him with. her eyes fell on the silver candlestick by the bed. “Yeah. Oh, I want her f**king dead tonight. Anything goes. You lot can shove a f**king bayonet up her c*nt for all I care! I want this whore, dead!” Kate removed the candles and deposited them on the bed as she held the candlestick behind her, ready to smash him over the head. “Good. See you in the hour.”

As he hung up the phone, Kate made her move. Even though it hurt every bone in her sore body, she brought the candlestick over her head and smashed him hard! he let out a shout as he fell to the ground. Kate hit him over the head twice more before running down the stairs. 

That’s where the guns were kept and that’s where the safe was. she knew the combination to the safe. She’d need plenty of money to get out of England. She’d stop by her father’s house, tell him what had happened and then make a run for it. she couldn’t go to Italy, she spoke Irish Gaelic. So, Ireland was a possibility. She doubted that any of the Irish would be open to helping an Italian looking for his runaway wife.

When she opened the safe, she spotted the envelopes of money that her father and Darby had given George. She looked around the room and her eyes fell on his briefcase. She grabbed it and dumped out all of the papers. She began filling the briefcase with the money. There was close to a million pounds here, possibly more. Well enough for her to escape on and live in comfort for the rest of her days.

She finished loading up the bag and had just placed her hand on the gun in the safe when a gun behind her was cocked. She turned, slowly, to see George behind her. he was holding his bleeding head, but moving!

“You…bitch.” he slurred. “You’re gonna…cry real pretty tonight.”

Kate didn’t wait. She had a clearer head than George as she was used to being battered around. That gave her a slightly sharper focus. She brought the gun up and shot George right in the eye. 

George dropped to the ground, dead. Kate didn’t care as she fired again. She fired the whole damn gun into his dead body. then, she stood there, staring at her ‘husband’ who was dead on the floor because of her. she didn’t know why she did that. her initial thought had been to wound George, not empty the whole gun into him. now, he was dead and Darby Sabini would be looking for her. And Darby would not rest until she was dead as well. However, factoring in what Darby had done to her in the past, he wouldn’t kill her right away. He and his men would torture her for a long time before finally granting her a merciful death.

As she stood there, looking at George’s body, the housekeeper, Mrs. Hughes, ran into the room. she gasped and stared at Kate. Mrs. Hughes was completely aware of George’s abuse and she’d done her best to help her without losing her job. Now, Kate was at her mercy. Mrs. Hughes pointed towards the door. “Go. you have to go.”

“But---

“If you’re found here, they’ll kill you. go!” she grabbed Kate by the shoulders. “I’ll take care of this. Go!”

Kate didn’t hesitate. She ran outside where George’s chauffeur was just preparing to enter the house. George had told him to come on inside once he’d parked the car. he looked at her curiously and she ordered him firmly. “I need to get to London. Bring the car around.” The chauffeur said nothing. “God, what do you want? I have money!!” She handed him a roll of 200 pounds. “Here.”

“For that amount, I’ll take you anywhere you want to go.” she exhaled in relief. “But,” she knew it. “for my silence, I wanna f**k that ass of yours.”

She nodded, her stomach swirling in disgust. “Alright.” 

she could handle it, she told herself as she got into the car. she could handle being raped one more time by him. it was only when they were 30 minutes away from the house that Kate realized that she had an empty gun in her hand. George, while allowing men to use her, always ‘protected her’ from others, dictating how far they could go. now, he was dead and his chauffeur was a sick man. she was now in a car with him and she could only imagine what pain he could inflict on her now that George was dead.

---

His wife was dead.

Thomas didn’t know how he was still breathing. His beautiful Grace had died on the surgeon’s table. something had gone wrong, she’d had a seizure and he didn’t understand it. his Grace was a fighter. She’d survived the 20-minute drive to the hospital. They’d kissed one last time as she was being rushed into surgery. He’d waited nearly 30 minutes before they came out and told him that his wife was dead. 

He’d stared at the doctors. shock pulsating through his body as his family looked on in sympathy. Well, he hoped sympathy from most of them. Polly always hated his Grace. he hadn’t cared. He’d married her in defiance of Polly’s objections because he loved her so much. She was so soft, gentle and warm. She was like this precious, delicate flower that he’d failed to protect. 
They’d only been married for two months. they had a child together, Charlie. And tomorrow, he’d have to look his boy in the eye and explain to a boy that his mother was dead. He remembered how he’d felt when he was told that his mother was dead. The only mercy here was that Charlie was a baby. babies didn’t have many memories. While that seemed like a curse, for Charlie, it would be a blessing. He wouldn’t be crying over the fact that his mother was dead. He was too young to know that kind of pain and fortunately, he never would.

He fought down the bile, refusing to appear weak in front of his family. he refused to see the body. he’d seen her with a weak smile on her face and he did not want to see the image of her pale and dead body in his head. she’d come for him in his dreams. He did not want to see her like that in his dreams.

They all went back home. He’d said nothing. He’d go up to his room, drink himself into unconsciousness. That had seemed like a good idea…but he couldn’t do it. He’d walked into the house, but stopped when he heard the phone ringing. For some reason, it was like a bell going off in his brain and he couldn’t go inside. He’d bought this house for his wife and Charlie. It represented how he’d changed, how he’d become a family man. He couldn’t go up to their room and sleep once again in an empty bed. not after he’d grown so accustomed to her warm body being there and her arms around him.

He’d gone to the stables and after grabbing  a saddlebag full of firewood, had hopped on his horse and taken off for the hills. Out there, no one could see him. no one could hear his heart break as he found himself utterly alone in this world again. no one could hear him cry as he mourned for the love of his life. 

Men like us will never be loved.

That’s what Campbell had told him. Campbell hadn’t quite been right. men like him were never meant to be loved and if they were, that love was taken away from them as penance for all their sins. It wasn’t enough that he was cursed. The curse had to take away that little bit of love that was inside him. he wasn’t meant to love again. when he lost Grace, he’d felt the little part of himself that was capable of loving, melt away. his life was over now. no one was going to pull him out of this hell.

---

“Pleasure doing business with you.” the chauffeur sneered as he took the envelope from Kate’s shaking hands. She couldn’t say a word to him. “Maybe we’ll meet again. Let me know if the kid’s mine.”

he laughed darkly as she violently shuddered. Kate gripped the railing as she went up the stairs with her legs shaking. When they were an hour away from the house, the chauffeur had pulled over into the woods and gotten out of the car. she’d been ready when he yanked her out of the car, pushed her face down into the forest floor and taken her brutally from behind without any preparation. Wasn’t the first time he’d had her like that, but it was still just as painful.

She’d bitten her lip, refusing to make a sound as she limped back to the car, trying to ignore the throbbing pain. He’d said nothing to her for the rest of the trip until he parked outside her father’s house. she’d gone to get out of the car…when he’d attacked her. he’d had ahold of her throat and Kate had struggled to breathe while he violated her. Kate had been raped by many men in her marriage to George, but there had been one rule that George had in place. They couldn’t come inside her because he didn’t want her having anyone’s child but his. this time, the chauffeur did come inside her and the thought of getting pregnant by him, was just as terrifying as it had been getting pregnant by George. Kate had been unable to hold the tears back as he came inside her.

“Maybe, you’ll have my bastard since your fool of a husband couldn’t get it up.” She was numb. He’d then yanked her out of the car and ordered. “Clean me up.” She opened her mouth and sucked him clean. He, however, grabbed her head and used her throat till he came in her mouth. she would have cried, were she not to used to this. he’d ‘escorted’ her to the front door before heading back to the car. 

She found the key with a shaking hand under the same rock in the garden and unlocked the door. the moment she got in the house, she noticed that the library light was on. the rest of the house was dark. she moved cautiously towards the room and pushed the door open.

To her shock, her father was in his bed down in the library. he let out a cough. Clearly, he was ill. So ill, to the point that he couldn’t even climb the stairs to go to his room.

As if sensing her presence, he looked up at her and coughed again. “Kate?” He stared and gestured for her to come towards him. “What, what happened? How are you---

She licked her lips, croaking as she approached him. “I-I killed him.”

he stared at her. “You what?”

“I killed George.”

He stared at her before stating. “Good.” He may be ill, but she could see that his senses were still sharp for he ordered her. “Lock the door and hand me the phone.” She did as he ordered. “I’m going to get us some help. You’ll be safe this time.”

No sooner had she handed him the phone, did the bile finally come up and Kate hurried to vomit into the trashbin by the desk. the sound, caused her father to start retching and he vomited into the basin by his bed. it was in this moment that Kate realized just how close to death that she and her father really were. Her father may be ill, but she would still be the one to die first.

Chapter 3: Old friends

It was a strange emotion pulsating through Polly’s heart. She hated that woman, Grace. She’d gone and made Tommy so weak that her death had broken him. She’d warned him to stay away from Grace, but did he listen? Of course not! Thomas Shelby didn’t listen to anyone in the world. Now, he’d lost Grace and now, he was a darker shadow than he was before. Her heart ached for him. She didn’t like to see her nephew in pain and she knew that this would take a long time for him to recover from this. Losing someone you love is never easy, losing a spouse is a different pain all together.

When the telephone rang, Polly’s first inclination was to ignore it, but a nagging sense told her to pick it up. She did so with a sigh. “Hello?”

Is this…. Polly Gray?

“Yes. Who is this?” the voice sounded vaguely familiar, but she couldn’t place his voice. His voice was hoarse and scratchy, so it was hard to place where she knew him.

The man coughed. It’s me, Polly. Jacob Kovach.

Polly’s heart slowed in her chest. She hadn’t heard from Jacob in over 30 years, not since she’d rejected him for her now dead husband, Alan. “Jacob? I didn’t recognize you.”

I know. It’s been a long time.

“Very.” 

He coughed again and cleared his throat. Polly, I need your help.

She exhaled deeply, this is so not what she or her family needs right now. “Jacob, now’s not a good time, there’s been---

It’s an emergency. He inhaled raggedly. I wouldn’t call, if I weren’t desperate. Polly had to agree there. Jacob had taken her rejection very badly and he’d refused to speak to her when she married Alan. She should have ignored all thoughts of love those years ago and married Jacob. She’d be set for life now and her children would still be here. Arthur, Tommy, John and Finn could have been raised with him and not in the mud. Still it was too late for such regrets. My daughter, was married to Darby Sabini’s younger brother, George.

Polly blinked. Something in the way that Jacob had said ‘was’ chilled her to the bone. She inhaled as she asked. “What do you mean was married to him?”

He attacked her and she killed him tonight.

Polly closed her eyes as she declared. “Holy Jesus.” This was bad. This was all very bad. The moment Darby found out that girl was dead.

I need protection, now. Polly, I’m dying, her heart jumped at those words. And I’m too sick to defend myself, let alone her. He coughed harder. I tried….getting him to stop, but, he wouldn’t. I won’t let…Darby hurt her.

She inhaled. “And you’ve no one else to turn to?”

No. He coughed harder before rasping. I need a drink.

“Alright.” She turned to Mary who was just locking the windows and ordered her. “Get John and Arthur, now. Also, prepare two guest rooms.” She nodded as Polly turned back to the phone. “Jacob, I’ll need your address.” he gave it to her. “Right, I’m sending two of my boys over. John and Arthur Shelby. They’ll get her and you can come with her.”

Polly, don’t worry about me. I just need her, to be safe. She’s my only child.

“What good will it do her if you die by Darby’s hand?” Polly inquired sharply. “They’ll be there soon enough and I’ll be sending a dozen men over now to help you both get your things together. The code will be my first name.”

Don’t say it over the phone. He coughed. My staff may have a spy. I still remember Pollyanna.

Her brow arched. “Then I better make a few calls."

Polly, he said lowly. Thank you. I really appreciate this.

Polly smiled at him although he couldn’t see her. “What are old friends for, Jacob?” 

Friends? That what we were? He chuckles before coughing. 

“Yes.” She shakes her head as she says. “I’ll talk to you when you get here. Right now, I’ve got to go. Goodbye.”

Goodbye.

As Polly hung up, she called Uncle Charlie. God! What more could happen tonight? There’d been enough dying tonight and she wasn’t about to have the blood of two more people on her conscience tonight.

---

Kate stared at the dark, foreboding mansion that had been lit up. It was past midnight but even with all the lights on, the house still looked dark. A lot had happened tonight. Within 15 minutes of the call, 10 men had showed up at the house in cars and a van. She’d been scared initially, but she realized that they weren’t any of Sabini’s men from the way they were dressed. Her father said the code was ‘Elizabeth’ and the man had given the correct code so she’d let them in.

They’d instantly descended on the house like flies. One of the first things they did was cut the phone wires and lock all the staff in their quarters while they slept. They did leave a backdoor unlocked, with a note for the milkman to go in and free everyone who was locked up. This way, no one would know who was here or who had taken them away. After that, they’d gone through the house with her father’s direction, taking all the valuables and loading them up into one van. Kate had gone up and collected three bags of her father’s clothing. Afterwards, she’d gone to her mother’s room and collected a few personal items of hers and all her jewelry.

An hour later, John and Arthur showed up to take over. They looked familiar to her, but she couldn’t place them from where. They explained that their Aunt Polly had personally ordered them to come help. Then, they’d started to help her father with papers and other things. The one final problem was her father. It was clear he was too sick to walk, so, he had to be carried. It tore at her heart to see that it only took one man to lift him. He was so pale and sick, he’d never told her. His phone calls had become less frequent, but he’d never given any indication that he was so sick. After that, he was loaded in the back of a car and she’d gotten in with him. They’d all driven in silence till they arrived at Arrow House.

Arthur had carried her father in the house and she’d followed him, trying not to show that she was worried by his coughing. They entered and a strict-faced woman descended the stairs. Her face softened though, when she looked at her father in Arthur's arms. She nods. “First door Arthur and be careful.”

Her father laughed. “He’s a strong lad Pollyanna, he won’t drop me.”

“Hmm.” Polly said with a tight smile on her face. She turned and walked up the stairs. “So, what’s wrong with you Jacob?”

“Cancer of the lung.” Kate covered her mouth. She did not know about this. This was the first time she was hearing about it. How could he not say anything to her? “Doctor gives me another month or two at the most.”

Polly turns and shoots him a look. “Well you picked a hell of a time to call out of the blue!”

“Pollyanna---

“Don’t call me that.” Polly snapped. “You know I hate it.”

“Fine then, Elizabeth.” Arthur and John shot each other a look. Her father chuckled. “Or does no one call you Elizabeth either?”

“No.”

“Well, I do.” He coughed again. “Elizabeth, that’s my daughter, Kate.”

Polly turned towards her and her eyes flashed. “I know you. You’re the girl who tried to help Grace tonight.”

Kate blinked. “Tried? Does that mean---

Polly shakes her head. “She didn’t make it. Died on the operating table.”

Kate didn’t know why she felt guilty, but she did. She inhaled. “I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m also sorry that we’re barging in here---

“It’s alright.” Polly said. “Thomas isn’t here and we won’t see him for a good many days if I know him. We’ll be lucky if he even comes to the funeral.”

“He’ll be there, Poll.” Arthur stated as he laid her father down on the bed.

“So you say. Regardless, we're in your debt for trying to save her. This is the least we can do.” Polly’s eyes narrow and she turns to John. “Call a doctor. She’s bleeding. Did none of you men notice that?”

“They did,” Kate shook her head. “but I’m fine, I don’t need a doctor. It’s just a broken nose.”

Polly stared at her in surprise. “Just a broken nose?”

“Not the first time it’s been broken.” She cleared her throat. “I don’t wish to impose further on you, but, might I use the bath?”

“Yes,” Polly said placing her hand on her back and guiding her into the bathroom. She switched on the light. “the towels are in here.” she opened a cabinet and then another. “Here are the soaps and all.”

“Thank you very much.” She hesitated before stating. “Is it possible, to give money to a maid and have her purchase some things for me? I had to run without grabbing any clothes.”

Polly nodded in understanding. Kate could see that she knew, but wasn't going to press her for information just yet. “I’ll give you a nightdress and I’m certain Ada, might have something that she can spare.”

Kate smiled. “Thank you, I don’t wish to cause---

“Nonsense.” Polly exhaled deeply. “We’ve had one loss tonight. Don’t need to lose two more people tonight.” Polly started to walk away, but she stopped. “You’ve got something on your,” Kate bit her lip as Polly grabbed the back of her dress. She didn’t need to look to know it was blood. She felt Polly go stiff as she realized what it was. There was a long silence and then Polly said. “I’m calling a doctor.”

Kate shook her head. “Don’t bother. I’ll be fine after a bath.”

“But---

“That was…the last time, that’ll ever happen to me.” she said quietly. “However, it wasn't the worst I've endured, so I know that I’ll be fine after a bath.”

Polly was silent before adding. “It shouldn’t have ever happened a first time.”

She nods. “No. It’s complicated, but it’s over. I’ll be fine.”

“In time.” Polly said as she placed a hand on her shoulder. “I’m here, if you ever need an ear to listen to.”

Kate smiled at her. “Thank you.” Polly closed the door behind her and Kate locked the door. Regardless of Polly’s kindness and warmth, this was an unfamiliar house with unfamiliar people and she didn’t trust any one of them yet. Her father trusted them, but he’d also trusted George and she wasn’t going to trust in him not to have made a mistake again.

Chapter 4: Bringing the past to the present

The following morning,

---

Kate woke up with a jolt and the first thing that crossed her mind was that she’d slept in late and she hadn’t serviced George. Then, she realized that she was in an unfamiliar room. As she looked around, her heart rate slowly returned to normal. She wasn’t at George’s house anymore. She’d killed him. She remembered that now. Kate let out a groan as she rubbed her head and lay back in bed, a hand over her racing heart. She could sleep in today, but she couldn’t sleep. A quick glance at the clock told her that it was 6:00 in the morning. George had been an early riser; 5:00 and she’d never been that.

She should feel guilty for killing him, but she didn’t. George was a monster who had deserved to die. Every morning, she needed to be up just before five so she could get out everything that she was wearing and kneel by George’s side of the bed. She shuddered as she remembered having to take his vile cock in her mouth. Her stomach churned as the disgusting taste of his seed filled her mouth. She loved the days that George was gone on business with Darby. He’d come back late, often too drunk to do anything to her. The days that he came home angry, were the worst. Those were the days that even breathing wrong would upset him and he’d either beat & rape her, or he’d allow the male members of his staff to take their pleasure or he’d join them. it always put her on a constant state of awareness, having to walk around the house with all of those men looking at her. when one man cornered her, Mrs. Hughes intervened and ordered the footman off. Mrs. Hughes couldn’t protect her at night, but she did her best to protect her during the day. She also had several female staff members hang around in areas where she was so she was harassed. Kate hoped that nothing happened to her and that she was safe. If anything happened to Mrs. Hughes, she’d never forgive herself.

The sound of coughing in the adjoining room caused her to sit up in bed. her father was dying in two months. Two months! and he hadn’t told her! she had a lot, a lot to deal with right now and she wasn’t sure how she’d be able to deal with this news. She didn’t know how she felt about him dying. She wasn’t sure how long he knew and she had a ton of questions to ask, but she didn’t want to spend these final days being angry with him! but she couldn’t really be angry with him, yes, he’d suggested the marriage to George, but she was the one who agreed to it. she’d liked George initially and she’d trusted her father’s judgement. She didn’t think that she ever loved George or if she had, it had died on her wedding night.

The sound of coughing caused her to get up and go towards his room. as she laid her hand on the knob, she realized that he wasn’t alone.

---

Polly stood over Jacob, her arms crossed as she shook her head. Jacob had managed to tell her about how his daughter had wound up married to George. It had all been pretty innocent, a quick courtship, business proposition and Kate had agreed. Then 6 months into the marriage, Kate had come to him for help, stating that George was abusing her. someone had betrayed them to George and he showed up with his men. Jacob had since retired from the business, so there’d been no protection for him or Kate. Kate had agreed to return to George, only because George had threatened him and nearly killed him. 

Jacob, had offered George the sum of 20,000 pounds a month if he agreed not to hurt Kate anymore. Kate also had to call him daily, that way he’d know if she was alive or not. George had agreed, but not after stating that Kate needed to be punished one last time for running away from him. when Polly heard about how George took a horsewhip to Kate’s back, she exploded.
“And you let her suffer,” she half-shouted. “for a year, married to him after that? Why the hell didn’t you kill him??”

“It’s complicated.”

“No.” Polly shook her head. “No, it’s not. that’s your daughter. You should have shot him yourself.”

He shoots her a look. “I’ve always been a bad shot, you know that.” she nods. Jacob always had been a terrible shot. Tommy was able to outshoot him as a kid. “I tried hiring a sniper, but he refused, saying that Sabini was too high a target to take out. I tried several others. I even approached Solomons, he refused and told Sabini that someone was wanting to kill George.” He coughed violently again. “He didn’t name me, but I had to wait a few months for that to all die down. had they suspected me, it’d been worse for her.”

“And how do you know it wasn’t?” Polly inquired. “Her broken nose didn’t even bother her and she was bleeding from her arse! Did she tell you what happened last night?”

“No and she won’t.”

Polly shakes her head as she exhales sharply. “I’ll see if I can get it out of her.”

“She won’t talk to you.”

“She’ll talk to me.”

Jacob chuckled. “That…I don’t doubt, but…she’s a stubborn one Elizabeth. She used to, look me dead in the eye as a child and lie about something and I’d believe her. It’s still hard to know if she’s telling the truth or not.”

“Well, clearly George lied and kept abusing her while taking your money. Did you not do anything about it after that one attempt?”

“Not right away. I did check in on her at random, she and George always appeared to be alright. I never saw any signs of anymore injuries on her. she always told me she was fine. Didn’t realize she was lying to me.” he shook his head. “Once I got diagnosed with cancer, I decided that there wouldn’t be anymore money to pay George and I didn’t want to leave her unprotected. So, I talked casually with a few associates, but no one in England would take the job. I’d started looking into the Russians and they had a few names. One of them is coming to my house this week, but, as you know, Kate killed him first.”
Polly nods. “And thank God for that.” She exhales before asking. “What’ll happen to her when you die?”

He coughs, a weak smile on his face. “Don’t sound so pleased for it Polly.”

Polly shoots him a look. “I’m not happy with you, you’re still as blind as you were all those years ago. Never could see things past the end of your own nose, miracle you made it so long in this business.”

He nods. “Well, you’d have kept me on the straight and narrow.”

“What happened to Kate’s mother?” She asked. “She leave you?”

“In a manner of speaking. She died giving birth to Kate.”

Polly studied him before stating. “Christ, that must have been fun, raising her alone.”

“I had the servants to help. I let those who had younger siblings bring them over to play with her in the afternoons. Kate was always this…wild child. Very independent and headstrong. She could always get into such trouble.”

Polly studied him before asking. “And men? What was she like with them?”

“Ah, she had several suitors. I think she loved one, John Carter.”

“You think?”

“I asked her if she loved and she’d never answer me. she’d just smile.”

“That was a yes.” Polly stated. 

“Thank you for clearing that up.” He stated dryly. “Well, he shipped off to France and never came back. She never cried or said anything afterwards.”

“Ah.” Polly nodded in understanding. A broken heart, that could explain many things. “And after him?”

“No one really, Darby introduced her to George at a party and she seemed to tolerate him well enough. Darby suggested a union between the two families and I asked her.” he reached for the water. “I’ll never forget what she said.”

“What’d she say?”

“Why not?” Jacob took a long drink of water and Polly shook her head. God, how stupid could one man be? Clearly, the girl hadn’t gotten over her John and had just settled for George. Little did she know at the time that she’d clearly agreed to marry a monster. Jacob set down the water and asked. “So, tell me about yourself.”

“Like what?”

he shoots her a look. “Elizabeth, I’m tired and I’m losing my voice. you talk to me for a bit.”

She shakes her head as she picks up her glass of whiskey and tea. “Well, not much to tell really. Alan died years ago. My daughter died. All I have is my son, Michael.”

“And, the Shelby boys.”

She nodded before asking him directly. “Was it because of me that you never asked Tommy to intercede for your daughter?”

he exhales. “I did ask him, right after I got the cancer diagnosis, four months ago. he said he couldn’t move against Sabini at that time." Polly made a mental note to confirm that with Tommy once he was in a better frame of mind. God, she hoped that wasn't true. "He was a family man now and he wasn’t going to put his wife and child in danger.” Polly snorts. “What?”

“He just married two months ago.” She shook her head. “Foolish boy, saying he was married when he wasn’t.”

“He loved her.”

“What’s love ever gotten any one of us?” She inquired. “Look at the mess all of us are in now.” She shook her head. “That woman nearly ruined him when she left him the first time. now she’s dead, left him with a child and he’ll be in a f**king mood for the rest of his life and no, he won’t love again. Never loved anyone after the war until her. now, she’s gone,” she rubbed her eyes. “God, I don’t know what’ll happen to Charlie.”

“You’ll be there.” 

“If he’ll let me.”

“Don’t see you taking no for an answer from him.” 

she exhaled. “Should have never married her.”

“The heart’s a weak organ.” After a long moment of silence, Jacob asks. “You’ll look after Kate for me, won’t you? I don’t know what she intends to do and…well, if ever there’s a time she’s needed a mother----

“I’m not her mother.” Polly stated, knowing where he was going with his line of questioning.

“I know, but, she never had a mother,” he coughed. “you lost a daughter. Maybe balance will be restored.” Polly shakes her head. “She could have been yours, you know.”

Polly rolls her eyes. “Christ, you’re ridiculous.”

“You’re a cold woman, Elizabeth.” He smirks. “Teasing a man on his death bed.”

she crosses her elbows. “You’re not dead yet.”

“No.” He chuckles before smiling. “You’re still beautiful.”

She shoots him a strict smile before shaking her head. “Get some rest. I’ll have our doctor come over and take a listen, maybe he can give you something.”

“There’s no cure, Elizabeth.”

“I know,” she said as she stood up. “but there’s no reason for you to keep coughing like you’re about to cough up a lung.”

He chuckles as she pulls the covers up around his shoulders. “Promise me something.”

“What?”

“Before I die…you’ll let me kiss you once more time.”

she arches a brow and looks down at him. he smirks innocently at her. she shakes her head. “You’re still a cheeky one, Jacob Kovach.”

“Well, you’re a hard woman to get over.”

She straightens up and says. “I’ll think on it.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“I didn’t say yes.”

“You didn’t say no.” He coughs. “You’ve always made up your mind fast.”

She’s silent before stating. “I’ve got funeral arrangements to make. I need to talk to John and Arthur. We need to find Tommy, check on Charlie. A kiss is one of the last things I’ll be thinking about.”

But as she turned around and walked out of the room, she knew that she was lying. Their last kiss would be on her mind. it couldn’t be helped. She hated when the past found it’s way into the present. It always brought forward so many unnecessary and complicated emotions for people. She had a family to look after, but she couldn’t turn her back on two people that needed her help, especially that girl. She was going to need a lot of help and she couldn’t turn her back on her especially.

Chapter 5: Forced examinations

It was nearly noon when someone knocked on her bedroom door. Kate jumped up and looked around for something to protect herself, but it was too late. The door opened and in came Polly and a strict woman, who appeared be a nurse. At least, that’s what Kate assumed based on the medical bag she was carrying. 

Polly cleared her throat as she studied Kate. “Good, you’re not dressed yet.”

“I don’t have anything to wear.” She pointed out.

“I know.” Polly nods. “Ada’s coming back from town shortly. She’ll have some things for you. In the meantime, you’re going to let Nurse Carpenter, examine you.”

“No, I don’t need an exam.” Kate shook her head. “I am fine.”

Polly ignored her and continued speaking. “She’s going to examine you first. Doctor Stevens is in the next room. He will---

“I said,” she said firmly. “no. I don’t need a doctor.”

“When you’re bleeding out your arse,” Polly stated sharply. “you need a doctor.”

The nurse stepped forward and set the bag on the small table by the couch. Kate cleared her throat. “The bleeding stopped---
“I don’t care.” Polly said in a dark voice that caused Kate to still. “You’re in my house now and here’s what’s going to happen. First, I want you to know that you’re safe here, but we don’t allow injured people to stay untreated. So she will examine you and I will expect a full report as to the state of your health. If there’s something that requires the doctor’s advice, both of us will stay here in the room with you while he examines you. You will take whatever medicine is prescribed to you.”

That was of very little comfort to her. Considering how many men have already made use of her body, even George’s doctor had been allowed liberties with her. She wanted to be done with all of that. 

“Second, your father is dying, so he doesn’t have the strength to hide. You will stay here with him until he’s dead and buried.” Kate bites her lip, fighting back the tears at that thought. She hadn’t had a moment to talk with him and she didn’t need to hear that first thing in the morning. But she should have guessed thats what he and Polly had been talking about this morning. She couldn’t hear anything clearly through the door. “Once he’s gone, he’s requested that I handle the estate for you. You’ll get every penny coming to you, but you can’t be seen by Darby or your life is over. If you expect to live a life on the run, you need to be healthy.  Do you understand me?”

Kate nodded. “Yes.”

Polly nodded. “Sit down. She’ll examine you.”

Kate numbly walked over to the couch and sat down. Polly may be trying to help her, but Kate didn’t feel like it. She felt like she was now an inconveniently wounded animal that had wandered into someone’s house and was now subjected to their ‘mercy’. The nurse carefully set Kate’s nose better and taped it in place. Polly had demanded a thorough exam and that’s what Kate was given. She’d been forced to remove her nightgown while the nurse made a thorough exam of her back. Polly and both the nurse had reacted as they saw the whip marks on her back they didn’t hurt anymore, but they were startling to people.

The nurse’s hands were shaking as she wrote down all the damage that had been done to Kate’s body. She still had bruises from where George had kicked her and bitten her. Fortunately, none of her ribs had been broken. Polly, said nothing, but her eyes spoke volumes and her hands trembled in anger as she smoked the cigarette. Then, came the part Kate hadn’t wanted. the examination of her privates.

She’d gotten back into her nightdress for that. she’d protested again, but Polly had instantly shut her down. Kate had gotten out of her undergarments and the nurse had her stand standing up while she examined her backside. Kate had closed her eyes in abject humiliation as the nurse poked and prodded around with a glove-covered hand. She then announced to Polly that she was alright, there was no tearing, which Kate already knew and there was little trauma. 

She then laid down on her back and the nurse drew Kate’s nightdress up to her waist. Kate closed her eyes and spread her legs, hating how she was still being violated in a place where she was supposed to be safe. The nurse let out a gasp, prompting Polly to ask. “What?”

“I’m sorry.” The nurse inhaled. “It’s just…there’s been some damage and there appears to be some…extensive trauma.”

“It’s not.” Kate it out.

“Was she raped, yesterday?” Polly asked directly, causing Kate to flinch. 

The nurse sighed. “Yes.” Kate said nothing, even though she could feel Polly’s eyes burning into her. She knew that she had questions, but Kate wouldn’t answer them. Kate bit her lip, fighting against the discomfort as the nurse began to examine her. it always hurt down there, especially after George had tortured her for running away. the whip had almost been forgotten in comparison to what he’d put her through.

To her surprise, Polly spoke up. “She’s in pain.”

The nurse stammered out. “I’m not surprised.”

“Meaning?”

“It…it looks like, she was…torn and,” the nurse couldn’t stop stammering. “I-I’m sorry. I need to call the doctor.”

Kate’s eyes flew open and she said instantly. “No.”

“Why would she need a doctor?” Polly inquired.

“Because,” the nurse inhaled. “this is….it’s beyond me. I’ve never, seen anything like this before.”

Polly looks at her and then she nods at the nurse. “Go ahead and get him.”

Kate shook her head as the nurse stood up and left the room. “I said no.”

“And she’s saying that you have a problem that she cannot help you with. You need the doctor.”

“It’s nothing---

“I can imagine,” Polly said tightly. “that you had to lie and tell that f**ker of a husband that you were alright for too long. it’s not like that here. I’ll be here and he won’t hurt you because I won’t allow it.”

“Yet,” she bit out. “you’ll forcibly violate me against my will by making me do this exam.”

Polly stared at her before stating coldly. “Yes and while I don’t approve of forcing women, it’s clear, that you need a lot of help right now and you’re refusing to help yourself. So I’ll do it for you as your father asked me to look after you. once you’re healthy, then, you can have the right over your own body. but I won’t sit here and watch you neglect it out of discomfort. I’m here, a nurse is here and I’m armed. If he says or does anything inappropriate, it’ll be the last time he ever does that.”

The door opens and Kate closes her eyes. like the nurse, the doctor was shocked and Polly gripped Kate’s hand as the doctor did the vaginal exam. Tears dribble silently down her cheeks while he asked about the scarring inside of her. Polly nearly broke her wrist when Kate admitted it had been a soda bottle as she was holding her hand so tightly. After a few more minutes of being examined, the doctor drew her nightdress down and stood up.

He exhaled. “I recommend, you take her to see a specialist in gynecology. They should be able to help her, this, is a bit beyond my area of expertise, but,” he exhaled. “if you find the doctor who did this, he needs to be disbarred.”

“I’ll find out.” Polly promised darkly.

“Good.” he cleared his throat and stated. “She appears to have had several second degree vaginal tears and one major third degree tear. As, she hasn’t had children yet, these were inflicted by her husband. The tears…didn’t heal properly and there’s significant scarring, but, without her confirmation, I suspect it was a combination of a poor doctor and her husband. There’s a mild redness, due to trauma from last night, I’ll leave a salve to help with it. she needs to ice the area as well and she should get some rest for a few days.”

“Thank you.” Polly then asked the question that she hadn’t dared to think about. “Doctor, can she have children?”

there’s a long silence and he admitted. “I don’t know.” God, she didn’t want to think about that. she’d wanted to become a mother, but, she’d known. She’d known that George had hurt her to the point that possibly conceiving would be difficult. “Like I said, this is not my area of expertise and…I don’t know how much trauma has been done to her. I’d call a specialist, as soon as possible.”

Polly nodded. “Call them and have them brought here today.”

Kate’s eyes bulged. “But---

Once again, Polly ignored her. “She’s been neglected enough. let’s get her back to normal.”

He sighs as he admits. “That’ll take a month or two, maybe more.”

“We’ve got nothing but time.” Polly nods. “Make the call, I’ll be down in a moment.”

he nods. “Yes, Mrs. Gray.”

Kate said nothing as she grabbed the robe from behind the couch and covered herself with it. she hated this. she hated feeling this way. She thought she was done with feeling weak, small and pathetic, but once again, she wasn’t safe. She turned onto her side and wiped her eyes, hating Polly Gray in this moment.

After a long moment of silence, Polly asked. “Was that bastard’s death fast or slow?”

Kate bit her lip before stating. “I shot him in the head.”

“Pity. Should have shot him in the balls.”

“When someone’s aiming a gun at me, I don’t take the time to consider other alternatives.”

“Good.” a hand on her shoulder caused her to whip around and stare at Polly. Polly’s brow arched and she sat down on the table. “I had a man, hurt me once. It changed me. your father, doesn’t know the extent of what that piece of sh*t did to you. I don’t know all of it, but I can tell from your reaction and the nurse, that you’ve been put through hell for that ‘marriage’. but you’re still here and he’s dead.” Polly leaned forward. “I know, that you don’t want all this, you don’t want to be touched and you all want it to go away. but it won’t go away, not completely.” Kate inhaled sharply and wrapped her arms around her waist. “You survived and right now, as much as you hate it, I’m going to make sure that you keep surviving.”

“I want…to be left alone.”

Polly nods. “Once you’re well, I’ll leave you alone. but right now, you need to recover from whatever he did to you for all that time. you can hate me for every single minute of this…but I know that you’re strong enough to get through this. And I'm strong enough to handle whatever it is you throw at me, so I will get you through this.”

Polly stood up and walked out of the room. strong? Who was Polly kidding? She’d been on a constant state of silent acceptance and endurance. It had nothing to do with strength. She’d always known that she’d break after George was dead because she didn’t need to hold herself together long enough to make sure that he died. He was dead, she’d known her life would be over. She wasn’t prepared to be forced to start her life over again, but she was and she didn’t know how to.

Kate closed her eyes and rolled onto her side, trying to ignore the burning pain that was searing between her legs as she remembered George taking her so hard that he tore the stitches. The doctor had just stitched her up two days ago and the doctor was called back and she was stitched up without anything to help her with the pain. After the third time, she’d barely noticed the stitches going in.

Why didn’t Polly, for all her claims that she was trying to help her, understand that she wanted to be left alone? all this ‘help’ was only making her feel like she hadn’t escaped from Hell after all. It had merely followed her into this house and she would never be free.

Chapter 6: Second meeting

One month.

It had been one month since she’d been brought here. true to Polly’s word, a gynecologist had been brought into the house and he’d said she needed a minor surgery to repair the damage that George and the previous doctor had done to her. Kate’s protests had been futile. Polly had insisted that the surgery be done here and as Kate learned, no one denied Polly Gray anything. An arch of her brow was enough to get people to do as she wished and Polly did just that. 

Two days later, Kate had awoken, groggy from the anesthesia to the surgeon telling her that it was a success. All the tears had been repaired properly, cleaned and they’d removed the excess scar tissue. she’d been given two antibiotics because apparently, she had a mild infection as well. She was also given some pain medication and something to help her sleep. She was also confined to her bed for two weeks, but she wouldn’t be fully healed for another four weeks. She’d been given special instructions in how to clean herself after relieving herself with those disgustingly cold bedpans. Polly had questioned her surgeon in great detail, even asking if Kate would be able to bear children in the future. 

The surgeon had been fairly optimistic that she’d be able to have children. At that point, Kate had pretty much stopped listening to whatever garbage Polly had obviously paid him to say to convince her that she was whole. George had tried for nearly 2 years to get her pregnant and he’d failed to do so. Kate had realized instantly within 6 months that she must be barren, the amount of times that George had taken her, should have impregnated her. he must of known too, a part of him must have, there was no other reason that always explained his fury when her period came each month.

Polly, true to her word, after the surgery had left Kate alone to recover in solitude. However, she wasn’t alone as she wished. Ada Thorne, had popped in several times and spent a few hours, mostly discussing Kate’s needs regarding clothes. Ada, clearly knew what had happened to her, she could see it in her eyes that Polly had told her. Mary and Charlie’s nurse, Alice, regularly checked in on her. Kate’s father was still declining, but he was coughing less thanks to the Shelby’s doctor.

Kate was allowed to wander the house, but she didn’t want to as a rule. She’d wait until night when everyone was asleep and she’d walk the halls of the house. it was a cold house, a house always knew when there was a death in the family. she hadn’t seen or heard Mr. Shelby since they’d been here. to be honest, she doubted if he even knew that she and her father were occupying his guestroom. apparently, he spent his nights in the forests, only coming back for the horses, food and his boy. he didn’t speak to his family or anyone apparently.

She felt sorry for him. she hadn’t known why she’d initially tried to help him save his wife, knowing that George would punish her for doing such a thing. perhaps it had been she wanted to spare him this. when she’d exited the ladies room, she’d spotted them kissing each other, boldly in public, and had been struck by how beautiful it was that a husband could actually love his wife. that moment had been marred by his wife getting shot. She hadn’t known who he was, all he was, was a man who deeply loved his wife and he didn’t deserve to be parted from her. but he had been parted from her and they were intruding on his time of grief.

This morning, it was a strange morning. The house was perfectly still, almost as if the world had stopped breathing. Then, Kate had heard the boy, Charlie crying and after 15 minutes of crying, she’d walked down the hall to the nursery to check in on him. The nurse was in a right state, there was blood on Charlie’s shirt.

Kate came in and tapped on the door. “Is he alright?”

Alice nodded. “Yes, he fell off his rocking horse and landed on his nose.” Alice exhaled. “I’m at my wits end.”

“Go get him a small bag of ice.” She advised. “It’ll numb the pain. I’ll watch him.”

Alice nodded. “Thank you, Miss. Thank you very much.”

Kate simply nodded as Alice hurried away. Kate walked carefully to the dresser and selected a clean shirt for Charlie to wear. The boy was still wailing, but his sobs softened, mostly because he was curious about who she was. she grabbed the cloth that Alice had been using to clean his face and dipped it in the water again, after ringing it out, she began to carefully wipe away the last traces of dried blood. Charlie wasn’t crying anymore and he let her change his shirt.

As she stood up, the boy asked. “Mama?”

Kate stilled.

She knew he wasn’t calling her his mother. He was missing his mother and was asking where she was. she and Grace looked nothing like each other, but, they must have felt similar in that moment to a boy this young. She wondered if anyone had told him what had happened to his mother.

She couldn’t think of a word to say to him. but before she could find the words, someone growled at her. “Who the f**k are you?” Kate stood up and found her looking into the frighteningly broken, angry, cold blue eyes of Thomas Shelby. she was still without words as she stared at him, fully intimidated by this terrifying man. He repeated as he stepped towards her. “Who the f**k are you??”

Her guard up, she stepped back. “I-I, my name’s---

“Who the f**k are you!?” He shouted as he drew his gun, aiming it at her.

Kate broke. She let out a scream as she fell backwards over Charlie’s rocking horse and she couldn’t stop screaming or crying.

---

He had no clue what the f**k was going on.

He’d come upstairs to get his boy, to find a strange woman in the nursery and Charlie calling her his mother. Words, could not explain the anger that he felt. His Grace, dead and buried for one month and their boy had already forgotten her. He couldn’t forget her. Grace was everywhere. Now, he looked into the eyes of his boy and wondered if he even missed his mother.

The woman, had blood on her hands and she was touching his boy. she wouldn’t tell him his name. she clearly wasn’t supposed to be in here. the nurse wasn’t in here. his heart rate sped up as he went to stand between this mad woman and his only living link  to Grace. Charlie was now crying as he stood over the woman, still screaming her hysterics.

“Thomas Michael Shelby!” Polly stated, hurrying into the room. “You, get the f**k away from her!!”

he didn’t move. “Who the f**k is this?”

“I said,” Polly snapped as she stepped in front of him and gave him a shove. “get away from her!”

he did as she asked, but he didn’t put his gun away. John and Arthur came running in, along with the nurse. “Oh, Christ.”

Arthur stated.

Polly knelt over the girl and helped her sit up. “Kate? Kate, you’re alright. look at me.” The girl didn’t respond. Polly hauled off and slapped the girl hard. Suddenly, the girl went dead silent and she stared at Polly in shock. Polly inhaled. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to, but you need to calm down. do you understand me?” She nodded. She inhaled and then exhaled along with Polly. “What happened?”

The girl, once again, couldn’t answer. “You tell me Poll, why a woman, with blood on her hands, is touching my boy and he’s calling her mama?”

Polly jolted in shock and looked at the girl, who shook her head as she stuttered out. “Asking. He, he was…asking for her. he, he didn’t---

“It’s alright.” Polly assured her before turning to him. “Charlie was asking for Grace. not calling her mama.”

He didn’t believe her. he shook his head. “That’s not what I heard.”

“You’re grieving, Thomas.” Polly said gently. “You hear what you want to hear.” Polly nodded to the nurse. “You, help me get her to her feet.”

At that moment, the nurse speaks up. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Gray. The lad fell off his rocking horse and his nose was bleeding. I couldn’t settle him. she stepped in while I went and got some ice.”

“You heard Tommy,” Arthur said, clearly trying to diffuse the anger pulsating through him. “she was trying to help, Thomas.”
“What the f**k is she doing here?” he demanded. “Why, is there a stranger, in my f**king house?”

Polly inhaled as she confessed. “She and her father have been here for a month.”

He stares at Polly. “What?” how had he not known? Had he truly been so wrapped up in a cloud of grief that he hadn’t realized two people were in his house? he exhaled and demanded lowly as he put his gun away. “You knew?”

“We all did.” Polly said quietly before stating. “I was waiting, until you were in a bit more of a listening mood---

he wasn’t. he would never be. “I want them out of my house.”

Polly exhales. “They can’t leave.”

“Why the f**k not?”

“Because, her father is dying. He can’t be moved.”

He stared Polly down. “So you brought the smell of death into my house?”

Polly held his gaze as she stated softly. “The smell of death has already been in this house.”

He said nothing. Polly could drive a knife into the heart of a person with her words if she wanted to. after a few moments, he said. “I am not having them in here. he can go die somewhere else.”

A cough behind him, caused him to turn around. “Is that,” the thin, pale and wheezing skeleton of a man asked. “how you…thank people, who try to help you?”

“Jacob,” Polly said firmly. “you’re not supposed to be out of bed.”

“I heard her…screaming.”

“I-I’m alright.” the woman assured him. “I’m not hurt.”

Polly exhaled and said. “Look, Thomas, let’s go into the next room. Arthur, can you help Jacob?” he opened his mouth to object, but Polly cut him off. “And Kate, I’ll walk you on in.” she turned to him. “Tommy, in case you don’t recognize her, this is the woman who stopped Grace from bleeding out in your arms.” It was if scales had fallen from his eyes. he recognized her now. Polly exhaled and stated. “She was raped and nearly beaten to death by her husband because she helped Grace. She needs protection and you owe her.”

All he could do was nod. yes, he did owe this woman. She’d given him many precious minutes with Grace. she hadn’t saved her, that was beyond her capacity, but she’d given him time and that was good.

He inhaled as he said. “Let’s talk.”

Chapter 7: Unwanted proposition

Kate felt as if she was walking on eggshells as she moved to sit on the edge of her father’s bed. he was so frail and having a difficult time breathing that she was stunned that he was able to make it into her room without falling. so she knew that he was concerned. They hadn’t really been terribly close during her years, but he’d always been there for her and she trusted him. however, that marriage to George had eroded away at that steadfast faith she used to have for him. the love was there but…absence had made things different between them and it was now too late to have what they used to have together.

She glanced around the room as Thomas, Polly, Arthur, John and Ada entered the room. everyone, seemed reluctant to be there. well, John didn’t. he had a fire in his eyes, a silent anger. Kate had heard yelling downstairs and she was willing to wager that there’d been an argument. John had a hot temper and judging by how Thomas had come in here, he’d had a fight with John. at least, that’s what she was guessing. Ada had only told her stories about all her brothers so Kate had to guess. Right now, the whole room was on edge and it felt as if one wrong word would cause the whole house to explode.

“Right,” Polly stated calmly as she cleared her throat. “I’ll start this family meeting.” She crossed her arms. “The night you left Thomas, I got a call from Jacob, Kate’s father. We used to know each other back in the day.”

“Asked her,” her father coughed. “to marry me, but…she chose Alan.”

Polly rolled her eyes. “Anyway, Jacob said that he needed protection because he was too sick to protect Kate. once we got them here and settled, I talked with Jacob to find out what had happened. Kate, was married to Darby Sabini’s brother, George.”

Thomas’s eyes narrowed. “Was?”

“She killed him.” Thomas’s entire body went still and he started shaking his head. “It was self-defense Thomas.”

“I don’t care.” he stated hoarsely. “Haven’t I got enough on Poll?”

“Thomas,” Polly snapped. “we have to help her.”

“No, we f**king don’t.” he stated. “She killed Sabini’s brother! You know what kind of f**king hell he’ll bring down on us?”

“You should have taken Jacob’s offer to kill George back then.” Polly stated, eyeing Thomas suspiciously.
He shook his head. “No. I wouldn’t then and I wouldn’t f**king now, because it’s good business with Sabini.”

“So it is true?” Polly shook her head. “You heard, that a monster, was hurting a woman like that…and you chose to look the other way.”

“Tommy,” Arthur jumped in. “you know what’ll happen to her if they catch her.”

“Then what do I f**king do Arthur? Eh?” he demands as his voice rose. “What do you expect me to do when Sabini finds out, that the woman, who killed his brother, is in my f**king house, eh?”

Kate inhaled and spoke up. “I won’t be staying.” All eyes went to her. “Once my father has passed, it’s no longer your concern. You can tell Sabini about my father and your aunt’s prior relationship. He should respect that. after my father is taken care of, I’ll be leaving this house with what I have and I’ll no longer be anyone’s concern.”

“You are our concern.” Polly stated. “You nearly died because you chose to help his wife.”

Kate held Polly’s gaze as she stated. “George would have killed me for breathing the wrong way. Mr. Shelby owes me nothing.”

The whole room went silent in discomfort at her words. For a moment, all she could hear was her father’s raspy breathing. Then, he was the first one to speak. “I have, a suggestion.” Her father coughed as he struggled to sit up. “But…you won’t like it.”

“Jacob,” Polly ordered. “stop talking, save your strength. He doesn’t need to hear it.”

“I have to say it, cause you won’t.” her father reached for the glass of water and took a drink. Everyone waited for him to set the glass down before speaking. “The two of them …need to marry.”

She felt as if she’d been stabbed in the heart with an icicle. Kate bolted up off the bed and immediately shook her head. “No.” 

she wasn’t going to marry this man. she’d agreed to marry George and that had been a huge mistake. This man, he was every bit as dangerous as George! And what’s worse, he had a temper as volatile as George. He hadn’t even bothered hiding it! he pulled a gun on her twice already! She wasn’t about to jump from one marriage with a dangerous man into marriage another who was clearly just as dangerous. She’d had about enough of this!

fortunately for her, Thomas was shaking his head in disagreement as well. “No.”

her father coughed. “I know…it’s soon---

“My wife,” he bit out hoarsely. “was buried 29 days ago. I’m not marrying anyone.”

“And I won’t marry him.” Kate stated. “I can’t.”

“Yes,” her father coughed. “you can.”

She shook her head. “No.”

Polly cleared her throat. “Jacob and I talked about this. and,” she exhaled. “under the circumstances…it would be the best thing for both of you if the two of you were to marry.”

Thomas jerked and stared at her, his blue eyes blazing. “Poll---

“I want both of you, to just listen to me for a moment.” Polly inhaled deeply before speaking. “Now, I know, neither of you are even thinking about marriage, especially after everything. You’re both grieving very different losses, especially you Thomas. and Kate, I can imagine that after killing your husband, entering into marriage with another man is beyond your imagination.”

“To say the least.” She muttered.

Polly shot her a look. “Regardless, marriage would offer you protection from Sabini. Thomas wouldn’t kill Sabini because of the repercussions. Sabini can’t kill him for the same reason.” Kate paused for just a second, but the moment she did, she knew that Polly was going to win this argument. “And Thomas, you know he’s lost his wife. he is not going to be seeking anything from you, nor would he ever. You’d be free to stay in your own room and be left in peace. This time, you’ll be safe to do so.”

She had nothing to say. she hated that this was making sense. She glanced at Thomas, who was no longer angry. he looked dejected and broken. He shook his head again and stated. “No, Polly.”

“Tommy,” Polly exhaled. “not all of us are going to be around here forever. Ada, Arthur, and John, they have families of their own. You have Charlie.”

His eyes sparked. “Don’t you f**king dare, Poll.”

“With the work you do,” Polly stated. “you know that you leave him unattended with a nurse. He needs another set of eyes on him.”

“Polly---

“He needs a mother---

“I said no!” He yells in pure fury, causing her to jump out of her skin again. “No! I will not marry her and I will not have Charlie calling her mother!! I want her and her father, out of my house.”

Polly shakes her head. “They’re not going anywhere Thomas.”

"It's my house Polly, not yours." He exhales and snaps out. “I’ve got things to do.”

As the turned on his heels, Polly spoke. “You couldn’t save Grace, Thomas.” those words stopped Thomas dead in his tracks. “How do you think she’d feel if you refused to protect the one person in the room who tried? She kept her alive long enough to say goodbye to you. you owe her this.”

“I don’t love her!” he bit out as he turned towards her.

“She doesn’t love you either!” Polly states. “Her husband was abusive to her. she won’t be looking for anything from you. she needs time to recover. There is no reason, why the two of you can’t sit down, talk and see if you can work this out.”

“Katherine,” her father wheezed from his spot. “show him your back.”

“No.” She shook her head instantly. “I don’t want to.”

“You need to.” he coughed. “He doesn’t understand.”

“I don’t need him---

“Kate,” Polly said gently. “I’ll help you.” 

Kate shook her head as Polly loosened the waistband of her blouse from her skirt. “This is unfair.”

“He,” Polly stated lowly. “is underestimating just how much danger you’re in, as are you. You barely survived being married to his brother. Sabini will do far worse to you as revenge than George ever did.” Kate shuddered violently. She knew it was true, but still, she hated being used like this. Polly glanced behind her and added in a softer voice. “I won’t go above your brassiere. I won’t show them the whole thing.”

Kate offered no answer as she kept her gaze on the window, pretending she was elsewhere. There was silence, then Polly pulled up blouse to just under Kate’s brassiere. For a moment, there was shock, then everyone started to react at the same time. “Oh f**k.” Arthur said in surprise.

John, was angry. “F**king hell---

“That was Sabini’s brother, who did this.” Polly stated. “You know what he’s capable of. You know he had our Ada nearly raped as well.”

“But---

“Thomas, look at it.”

Kate bristled at being called an ‘it’, but she very clearly had as little control over her life as she did when she was married to George. She knew Thomas was looking at her, because she felt as if she was being stabbed in the back by a knife. 

Her father wheezed. “That was her punishment…for trying to escape. One of my servants, told that she was here. when Sabini threatened me, she agreed to return and he told me he would kill us both if she ever came to me again. I offered him… 20,000 pounds a month to ensure that he’d never lay his hands on her again. He broke his word.” her father sank back into the bed, clutching his chest. “I’m old. I’m dying. She needs a strong man that Sabini won’t dare move against. I am deeply sorry for your loss and I know, this is a horrible thing to ask of you. but, if I have to beg you on my knees, I will. Just…save my daughter.”

Polly cleared her throat. “I’m not asking for an answer now Thomas. I just need the two of you to think on it. it really would be beneficial for the two of you. like it or not, the two of you may not want each other now, but you both need each other.”

Chapter 8: Silent thoughts

He was dead.

Why couldn’t anyone understand that he was dead inside? He could feel nothing. That was a lie. He could feel anger, he could feel hate, but try as he may, he could not conjure up an ounce of sympathy for this woman. That was a lie, he did feel sorry for her. But what could he do? Marriage was one thing, but he couldn’t offer her any piece of himself. He had just lost his wife. Did no one truly understand and respect that?

He did remember the meeting with her father. He hadn’t even taken the time to fully listen to her father. In truth, Mr. Kovach hadn’t gone into full detail. He just said that he wanted George Sabini dead because it would be too costly and long for his daughter to go through the courts. Thomas should have asked for more details, but he hadn’t. Grace had been planning out the wedding; he hadn’t been allowed to see her as much as possible. There were so many things going on at that time. There was the Russians, the government and Churchill breathing down his neck. Grace, Charlie, his family, the wedding and so much. He was not adding killing Sabini to that! He’d been scared enough for Grace and Charlie. Killing Sabini’s brother hadn’t been worth compromising their safety. He’d known instantly that one woman wasn’t worth putting them in danger.

But the danger had still come, as he always feared. Grace was dead and now the woman that he wouldn’t help, was now standing before him with scars on her back, clearly from a horsewhip. She was dead too; he could see it in her eyes as well. They were dull and lifeless. Sure, she could speak her mind, but he could see that she really didn’t care what happened to her. In truth, he didn’t want to know what else had happened to her. Honor demanded that he do right by her after neglecting to aid her. But what could he say to her? He wasn’t sure that he could even look her in the eye, much less marry her! 

Marry?

How could he even think about marrying? His wife was dead. Typically, men mourned the loss of their wives for three to six months. It hadn’t even been a complete month and he was already being asked to be unfaithful to his wife, to her memory. He was being asked to let a complete stranger into his house, into his life, into Charlie’s life and to take grace’s place, all for the sake of a decision he made months ago. And now, that decision was haunting him. He knew that all things considered that he should marry her and offer her the protection that he should have. But he couldn’t. Sure, he could protect her physically, but offering her anything emotional was out of the question. He hadn’t had feelings until Grace. With her death, she’d taken the last bits of his heart to the grace with her.

But the real problem with why he was reluctant to marry her was because he’d already had a wife. He’d loved her very dearly and he’d failed to protect her. She’d wound up taking a bullet for that was meant for him. This girl, he’d failed to protect her because he wasn’t putting Grace in Sabini’s sights. Honor, did demand that he protect her after turning a blind eye to her. Judging by how damaged this girls back was, both Sabini brother’s had it in for her. She’d become little more than a punching bag. He wouldn’t love this girl, he couldn’t love this girl. But how could he be expected to protect her when he couldn’t even protect the woman he did love? Maybe this girl, judging by look in her eyes, would be better off dead just like he was. 

He was to blame for his wife’s death, he knew it. But he did have an honor and a responsibility to his love for Grace. he was still desperately in love with her. he could hear her breathing in his ear now, feel her soft skin against his. She was beside him right now, but there was too much shouting going on for him to clearly hear what she was saying to him. but he needed to get out of this house, breathe in the clean air and think without anyone breathing down his neck. 

He looked away from the girl to see Polly looking expectantly at him. he could tell from the look in her eyes that she wanted him to agree to this marriage, but he couldn’t. he needed time to think. His family, they accommodated his loss, but they didn’t understand his grief. None of them, especially Polly, had ever cared for Grace. in a way, he couldn’t blame them, she had betrayed his family. But she had already gotten into his heart, his blood and when he saw her again he knew that letting her go would be next to impossible. So he hadn’t. they had one night and from that one night they were supposed to share a lifetime together. that lifetime was over and it was unfair to be asked that he spend the rest of his lifetime with a stranger.
He exhaled and turned away. “I’m going to see Charlie.”

“Tommy---

He ignored Arthur and kept walking. He was going to Wales to talk to Bethany Boswell. He wouldn’t ask about Kate. he needed to know if it was or wasn’t his fault that Grace was dead. Until then…he wouldn’t be able to think clearly about anything or anyone else.

---

Kate jumped as John punched the wall. “F**k!” John whirled around and stared at Polly. “What the f**k is wrong with him?”

“John---

“No, he saw her f**king back!” John snapped, pointing directly at Kate. “He knows, he f**king knows what’ll happen--- 

“John!” Ada said trying to cut him off.

“when Sabini catches her. she’s dead. She’s f**king dead.” John couldn’t stop talking and Kate shrank back as she moved to sit by the window. she closed her eyes, wanting it all to stop. she needed a moment to think, to breathe, but the room was spinning around her. “And he had no f**king problem with making me marry Esme for peace!”

“Enough, John!” Ada shouted. “You’re scaring Kate! hasn’t she been through enough?”

those words are effective. The room goes quiet and she exhales deeply as she folds her arms. There’s a long moment of silence, then Arthur speaks up. “Tommy, he won’t be like Sabini. He’s not---

“Don’t.” Kate said tightly. “Just don’t…I don’t, want to know.” she inhaled deeply and shook her head. “Please.”

Ada moved and sat down beside her. “It’s alright.” Kate fought the urge to flinch when Ada placed her hand on hers. “You’ve got a lot to think about.”

“I’m not,” she inhaled deeply. “thinking about it . I won’t, consider it.”

“Kate---

she cut Polly off. “I am never, getting married again, especially to a man like him.”

Ada sighed. “Tommy is---

“He’s violent, angry,” she stated. “he’s pulled a gun on me twice. I-I,” she inhaled. “I am not waking up, chained to someone like that. I can’t!”

“Tommy isn’t like that.” Polly stated.

Kate shook her head. “I don’t believe you.”

“Tommy, has a rule about no violence to women.”

“Well,” John cleared his throat. “he does have a temper, but…he won’t take it out on you.”

“So, you say.” she states firmly. “But I don’t know him. I haven’t even talked to him for five minutes! and when I did, he yelled at me, he swore, he pointed a gun at me.”

“Both times,” Polly stated firmly. “he pointed a gun at you, he was protecting his family. his wife and his son. You’re not his wife or kin, so he’s under no current obligation to protect you over anyone else. Once you’re his wife…he’ll be pointing his gun at whoever is threatening you. you have my word on that.” 

Kate inhaled deeply and shook her head. God, they couldn’t understand. How could they understand? Yes, George was dead, but the hell he’d unleashed on her was still present in his mind. she remembered how her ‘marriage’ had been consummated. If that was even possible with Darby sharing her with George. After that, the training had begun. George had been very particular about every little thing that she did. she had to wear what he liked, wear her hair the way he preferred it.

undergarments could only be worn on certain days and certain occasions. If she wanted something, even as simple as a book or listening to music, she had to ask for permission. She wasn’t permitted to eat or drink unless he’d said that she could. 
Nothing, she did pleased him, no matter how hard she tried and she had tried if only to get spared from being knocked about. It took her a few months to realize that he’d never stop because he enjoyed it. he enjoyed seeing her cry and be in pain. When she’d escaped and brought back to his house…he’d nearly killed her. when she awoke and realized that she hadn’t died, she’d become determined to outlive George and she had. Now that she was alive, she wasn’t willing to be bound again to another man, especially one with a similar nature to George. The only difference, that she was aware of between George and Thomas, was how Thomas had reacted to his wife being murdered. She’d seen the look in his eyes and it was obvious that he had loved her very much.

Being forced into marriage with her…he’d resent her and blame her for it. that would lead to hate and he would, despite what Polly and his siblings said, take that hate out on her. George, was a weak man, a slight frame and he enjoyed watching others hurt her because he lacked the strength to hurt her as much as he wanted to. Thomas, if he wanted to inflict pain, it would be nothing liked she’d ever felt and she knew it. she’d survived George only to die by Thomas Shelby’s hand.
But then, he did need someone to watch his boy. she’d seen that in his eyes, that was the one moment that he’d briefly considered marriage, but he’d shaken it away. he’d been enraged by his boy asking where his mother was. she didn’t know how he’d react if Charlie did start to call her mother. It would probably be better to leave him and his son alone to heal and grieve on their own. Marriage, wasn’t practical for a man like him. he was clearly the kind of man who had loved one woman his entire life. he’d now lost that love.

Love.

That was a strange thought. Kate hadn’t thought about love since John Carter had gone missing in the war. Then the war ended…and she’d known, along with his family that he was dead. He was never brought home, never buried and he was lying somewhere in France either blown to pieces or dead. She probably should have done what Thomas seemed determined to do. Die alone. she hadn’t really liked George, he never sat right with her, but, he had been the only man to make her an offer and she’d thought, why not? she was getting on in years, she’d been a burden to her father long enough and George wasn’t bad look. They hadn’t even been married 24 hours when Kate realized that he was rotten to the core. She didn’t know what kind of man Thomas Shelby was, but every drop of blood in her was telling her to stay away from him.

The only thing that was making her consider this marriage was the fact that he had an aunt and sister who were very involved in his life. it was very clear that if he did lay a hand on her in anger or hurt her, that they’d have come after him. she could tell from the way that Polly yelled at him and he’d backed down, that he respected her. when Polly had pushed him, he’d backed down and hadn’t even shown any signs of striking back. But Kate would be his wife and as she learned in her marriage to George, she wouldn’t just be his wife. she’d be his property, little more than a doll that was his to play with. his to do things with simply because the law allowed him these liberties. Should she accept the idea of this ludicrous marriage…she could very easily find herself back in the same situation that she’d just left.

“I can’t,” all eyes jerked towards her father, who was clutching his chest and gasping. “I can’t …breathe.”

Kate jumped up and Polly beat her to her father’s bedside. “Jacob.” Polly said firmly. “You need to breathe.” Polly turned to Arthur and said. “John fetch a doctor.” Suddenly, her father coughed, a violent and hard cough that send blood spewing from his mouth and flying across Polly’s face! “Now!” Polly shouted.

Kate stood there numb for a second, the world swirling around her in a haze as she struggled to understand what was happening right now. her father started choking and Kate covered her mouth as tears started pouring down her cheeks. She and her father hadn’t had a chance to talk, really talk. That’s not quite true, they talked…they just hadn’t talked about all the unspoken things that they needed to say.

“Arthur!” Polly shouted. “Help me!”

hands on her, caused her to jump. She spun around to see Ada standing beside her, offering support and strength. She watched, feeling as if she’s in the center of a hurricane as Arthur got her father onto his side. he couldn’t stop coughing and a trickle of blood was steadily dripping from his mouth. 

Kate pushed Ada off her and knelt by her father’s bed and held his hand tightly. He looked at her through half-shut eyes and she couldn’t stop the tears from pouring down her cheeks. From behind her, someone came running in and shouting. “Tommy's gone. Swear to God, he's in a wagon with Johnny Dogs!”

“Sh*t!” Polly said loudly. “Finn, get Frances, we need some fresh sheets and find out where the hell that doctor is!!” Her voice softened. “It’s not your time Jacob. You need to hang in there just a bit longer. You understand me?” 

a wheezing gasp was all he could let out. “F**k,” Arthur said. “it’s his f**king chest.”

“Finn, get a hot compress!”

“I’ll go.” Ada said as she ran out of the room.

Polly shook her head as she placed her hand under her father’s nightshirt, pressing her hand to his lung. “His lungs are filling with fluid again.”

Kate choked. "Again?"

she turned to Kate and said. “Talk to him. give him something to hold onto until the doctor gets here.

“I’m here,” Kate choked out as she ran her hand through her father’s thin hair. “I’m here.” he tried to speak, but couldn’t. “Don’t say anything, I’m here. I’m here.”

He couldn’t speak even if he wanted to. his head was over the edge of the bed and he was wheezing. He barely had the strength to place his hand on her cheek. Then, he had a seizure and her whole world ended. It was at this moment that Kate knew that her father wasn’t going to last the night.

Chapter 9: Memories

Polly shook her head.

This had all been a very tense day and there had been so much to deal with. Thomas was still grieving and while she didn’t approve of Jacob throwing marriage out there to Thomas and Kate so soon, she saw why he’d said it. he was dying and he needed to make his case to Thomas. she didn’t think that Thomas would initially go for it, but she saw the look in his eyes when he saw Kate’s back. That was the moment she knew that once Thomas had time to calm down, he’d agree to the marriage. she knew it and she daresay that Thomas himself knew it. he didn’t want to marry Kate, but he knew that he had to. Polly would have waited a few months, but they didn’t have a few months anymore. Jacob's condition was rapidly deteriorating, probably because of stress.

“Polly?” Jacob rasped from the bed. she closed the book and looked over at him. He'd finally woken up, it was nearly midnight.

Polly shot a smile, even though her heart was breaking. “Well, you finally woke up.”

“What…happened?”

“Ah,” she leaned forward. “you didn’t tell us that there was fluid building in your lungs. The doctor was able to drain it, so, you should be breathing better.”

he nods. “Didn’t realize…it was as bad.”

Polly nods before turning her head towards Kate, who was sleeping on the window seat. She’d fallen asleep there and Polly didn’t have the heart to wake her. “You scared her. did the two of you say everything that you need to say?”

“No.” he inhaled and reached for a glass of water, it shook violently in his hand and Polly took the glass and held it up to his lips for him.

as he sipped it, Polly stated. “You need to tell her. this time, I wasn’t so sure that you’d make it.”

“Hmm,” he waved the glass away, signaling he’d had enough. as she set the glass down, he stated. “I’m not dying…till I know she’s safe.”

Polly nods. “Even if she doesn’t marry Thomas, I’ll look after her.”

He couched. “You know…that they have to marry.”

She nods. “I do. They’re both just grieving now.”

“She’s not…grieving him.”

Polly shakes her head. “No, not George. I think…a part of her is finally grieving the loss of her John properly.”

“How…can you know?”

“She won’t look at John. she won’t say his name either, she talks to the others, but she won’t say John’s name.”

he exhales. “I really…didn’t know. she wouldn’t say.”

Polly nods. “She reminds me of Thomas; you never fully know what’s going on in his head because he won’t let anyone in. She couldn’t, because letting anything inside wouldn’t have given her the strength to hold out as long as she did. so, she has the strength to do this, she doesn’t think she does, but she has it.”

He asked. “Would he…ever hurt her?”

“No.” Polly shakes her head. “I’m sure of that. none of these Shelby boys would raise a hand to their wives. He won’t force her, I’m willing to stake my life on that. He probably won't even have sex with her to even make the marriage legal.”

“Good.” Jacob coughed again before stating. “Are you…going to kiss me, before I go?”

Polly internally smiles, on his deathbed and he still wants that kiss. “I said I would, didn’t I?”

“No. you didn’t.”

she shrugs. “I’m sure I did.”

“Polly,” he inhaled and held her gaze. “Please.”

She nods. She doesn’t say anything. she just leans forward and kisses Jacob. The kiss is gentle at first, then she feels that familiar warmth and spark between them from all those years ago. It was a lovely kiss, bittersweet, yet with a hint of passion. After being raped by Campbell two years ago, it was good to be able to kiss a man that she felt safe and secure with. 
After breaking the kiss, Jacob said quietly. “Worth the wait, Polly.”

She smiles at him before tucking the covers around him. “Get some sleep. You had a hard day and you need what strength you have to talk to her tomorrow. Say what needs to be said.”

“Stay with me.”

Polly shook her head. “No. it’s not proper---

“I’m dying, Polly.” he said lowly. “The doctor said I won’t last a week. This is all I have left. please.”

Polly didn’t realize until this moment that of her was still in denial that Jacob was actually dying. The little moments between them…made her wonder what could have been if she’d gone to him after Alan had died. She and Jacob were both very proud people. After her rejection, he wouldn’t have come after her and she wouldn’t have gone after him when he left Birmingham. There was very little time to play games and Polly decided not to.

She exhaled as she removed her robe, letting Jacob look at her. a faint flush filled her chest at the look in his eyes as she got into the bed, carefully getting into the far side of the bed. she’d never admit that a part of her was flattered that he was still in love with her after all this time. “You’re explaining it to her when she wakes up tomorrow and finds us in bed like this.”
“Yes.” Jacob coughs again. he reaches for his laudanum and takes a dose. He exhales and leans back against his propped up pillows to help him breathe easier. Polly smiled at him as she gets comfortable. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Jacob.” She says quietly. Jacob reaches for her hand and held onto it. for the first time since Campbell, she felt safe and secure in close proximity with a man. she understood Kate’s pain to a degree. She’d only been hurt once, but Kate had been hurt too many times to count. She didn’t know if this girl could ever heal. While she hated pushing her into a marriage with Thomas, she deserved to be safe and she would be safe with him that was all that really mattered.

---

The following morning,

---

Kate felt awkward as she sat beside her dad’s bed. waking up and seeing Mrs. Gray in the bed with him had pretty much confirmed that there had been a relationship between them several years ago. Yes, they had very little time together and things that were deemed proper, were now ignored. But still, she would have liked to know before waking up and seeing them like that.

“You have…questions.” Her father said, still struggling to breathe properly. There was still fluid in his lungs, but the buildup wasn’t as great as it was yesterday. The doctor had confirmed that the blood was from a blockage in his lung. She knew that they were running out of time, but, she didn’t know what to say to him. “Ask them.”

she bit her lip and shook her head. “I don’t need to know.” she inhaled. “I figured it out about you and Polly.”

“Oh.” He nods and then says. “Tell me about John Carter.”

Kate inwardly flinches. Why was he asking about John after all these years? she inhaled as she said. “He’s dead. Remember?”

“Yes, I remember.” He inhales. “Tell me…about you and him. were you two… engaged?”

she didn’t want to talk about this, but he was asking. “He, did propose.”

“Why…didn’t you tell me?”

she inhaled. “I turned him down.”

“Why?”

“Because,” she croaked. “you said…you didn’t want me marry someone poor.”

He blinked. “When did I say that?”

“You were…talking to your lawyer.”

He exhaled. “I don’t recall that particular conversation, but…I do know, that I wanted you to marry someone that you loved.”

She shook her head. “No.” God, why was he telling her this? she couldn’t have done this to herself. she couldn’t have.

“Yes.” She inhaled. “I wouldn’t want you to marry a poor man, because, I’d want him…to be able to take care of you. but…if you loved him---

“Please,” she begged. “don’t say that.”

“I wouldn’t have objected.” 

Kate covered her mouth as she started crying. why? why did she have to find this out now? why hadn’t she just…asked him directly? Maybe it was because she couldn’t bear to disappoint her father. They hadn’t been especially close when she was growing up, but he always provided for her. he spent as much time with her as his work allowed. No matter how late, he always kissed her goodnight and she always waited for him. she got anything that she wanted and perhaps that’s why she felt that she couldn’t bear to disappoint him. so when John proposed, she’d turned him down, saying that her father didn’t approve of her marrying a doctor. John had enlisted, gone to France and died there because of her. now, it turned out that she needn’t have rejected him after all. She could have accepted John and had a happy life with him. instead, John had died because of her and she’d always known this. A small part of her had known that she didn’t deserve to live happily with someone else, especially after she killed John. That was probably why she'd agreed to marry George. 

“Why…didn’t you tell me?” He asked as he shakily thumbed away her tears. “I liked John.”

God! How could that hurt even more? She inhaled. “I-I didn’t want to disappoint you.”

He shakes his head. “No. you could never, disappoint me. how could you think that?”

She inhaled. “I-I don’t know.”

He sighs. “I…have always, loved you, Kate. I know, I have a hard time showing it, but…I only want you to be happy.” he coughs again. “I know…asking you to marry Mr. Shelby, seems like the opposite thing, but,” he shakes his head. “you’ll be safe.”

She shakes her head as she croaks. “You can’t know that.”

“I know, Polly.” he inhales. “I asked her. she said, that Thomas will ignore you. he won’t ask anything from you.”

she didn’t care. “I don’t…want to marry again.”

“I know.” he inhaled deeply. “But…I am not going anywhere…till I know you’re safe.”

She shakes her head. “I’m alright.”

He exhales and whispers. “Sabini knows where you are.”

The blood ran to ice in her veins. She stared at him and asked. “How…can you know that?”

He reaches into his dresser and pulls out a note. “Arthur delivered it this morning.” She reached for it, but he pulled it out of her reach. “I forbid you, to read this. All you need to know, is that he said he is waiting for me to die. The moment, you leave here…he is going to kill you.”

She stared at him, vomit swirling in her stomach. “W-what, what do I do?”

“You have to marry Thomas Shelby.”

she was silent for a moment, then she said. “Swear to me, that you didn’t tell Sabini where we are.”

He holds her gaze. “I swear that I did not contact Sabini. This is a small world we live in. All he had to do was pay a few people, follow a trail and find us. it’s not that hard Kate.”

She bites her lip and shakes her head. “I can’t…marry him.”

“Kate---

“I don’t want to talk about him anymore.”

“You know what Sabini will do---

“Darkness is all I know.” She said quietly. 

she knew every single thing that Sabini would do to her, it was familiar to her. Thomas Shelby, he was an anomaly. A strange and unfamiliar thing that she couldn’t even begin to understand. They can claim that she’d be safe with him, but she doesn’t know who he is or what he’s capable of. He could easily be 10 times the monster that George was and she’d be begging to have died by Darby’s hand. Better to be dead by Darby than kept alive and tortured by Thomas and live through all kinds of hell all over again.

“I’d rather take, the darkness that I know than the unknown."

“Kate,” he inhales. “you will, be protected.”

She sighs as she whispers. “You and I know that there is no way to guarantee that.”

“This one…I can. Please,” he begged. “marry Thomas Shelby.”

she didn’t even think as she stated firmly. “I can’t. I won’t ever marry again.” She was going to do what she should have done all along when John died. Spend whatever days she had left alone. she had her John and Thomas Shelby had his Grace. They were both going to spend the rest of their lives committed to memories. When one lived in the past, you needn't concern yourself with the future.

Chapter 10: Married in Hell

Bless you Tommy Shelby. You and your wife will have good fortune from now on!

Those were the last words that Madame Boswell had told him in Wales. He didn’t know why Bethany Boswell had said such a thing. he hadn’t even mentioned the marriage to Johnny Dogs. So, how did she know that some woman had been presented to him as his next wife? It was now a month since Grace had been buried and despite all the reassurances, he still wasn’t able to make himself believe that. He needed to hear that the jewel was truly cursed. It was and he was glad it was. He didn’t believe that he’d ever truly believe that it wasn’t his fault. 

Still, he’d returned to Birmingham with Charlie, ready to return home. He’d been gone three days. He hoped that Polly had done as he’d ordered and sent them from his house. If she hadn’t, he knew what he had to do. He’d gone into his office, to find a message from Sabini waiting for him He hadn’t read all of it, but what he had read had been enough to tell him that he needed to marry this girl.

Mr. Shelby, 

The moment Mr. Kovach dies, you are to hand his daughter over to me. What happens to her will not be a concern of yours. She murdered my brother and I will avenge his death. Let’s do this amicably and there’ll be no need for unpleasantness between us. I’m more than happy to pay to ensure her delivery to me. She will die and she will pay for killing my brother. There is no amount of money that you can offer me that’ll stop me from taking her life.

He’d stopped reading there. He didn’t need to know anything more. He hadn’t known much about George Sabini, so he’d had Moss do a little bit of poking about. What he discovered was enough to let him know that this girl had probably suffered beyond his imaginings. He was a brutal man, as were most of the men in their line of business. But so far, George was the only in their profession who seemed to enjoy hurting people. No, he didn't enjoy it; he loved it and thrived on it. There were reports of him torturing men, even threatening women and forcing their husbands to watch. He was sick before the war, there were reports of him abusing animals, particularly horses. The humane society had gotten involved several times but they were always bought off, possibly by Darby. He was the youngest child, so he guessed that he was probably spoiled and indulged to the fullest growing up. The thing that bothered him in the report, was how George would always walk away laughing and a smile on his face. George had to have been sick, there was no other thing that made sense. And if Darby knew and allowed it... this girl was going to be through Hell a million times before she was finally killed.

So, he’d picked up the phone and called Jeremiah. Told him to meet him at the office with a special license. He didn’t want to do this, but he knew he had to. What little conscience he had left and Bethany Boswell’s words ensured that. Jeremiah had asked him what was going on, that it was too soon for him to marry again. He agreed. He hadn’t thought that he’d ever marry and when he had, it was supposed to be Grace. Grace was gone and now, he had to marry somebody else. And the only things he knew about her, was her name and that Sabini wanted her dead. Apart from that, she might as well be just any woman walking in the street.

Right now, they were pulling up the drive and Jeremiah was sitting in the car with him and Charlie. His heart started pounding in his chest and he thought that he was going to be sick. When the chauffeur brought the car to a stop, he looked to Jeremiah and asked. “Am I doing the right thing?”

Jeremiah was silent for a long moment, then he said. “We don’t always know what God’s plan is. After all, God had Hosea marry Gomer, a prostitute. Joseph married Mary who was already with child. You, are being asked the same that He asked of them.”

“Which is what?”

“Take care of one of his precious creations.” Jeremiah said simply. “No matter how difficult it is.”

He shakes his head. “How the f**k is a prostitute even precious?”

“What He deems precious is very different that what you deem to be precious.” Jeremiah smiles at him. “You have done many difficult things my friend, this is just one more and God will bless you for it. I’m sure.”

“I’m not f**king sure.” He muttered as he exhaled deeply before getting out of the car. “Let’s get this f**king over with.”

Jeremiah nodded and he got out of the car, carefully holding onto Charlie who was sound asleep. Despite Johnny Dog’s initial concerns, he had been able to take care of his son without any help. Charlie was all he had now of Grace and he’d die first before letting anyone take Charlie away from him.

His heart pounded in his throat as he and Jeremiah entered the house. They walked up the stairs and he saw Mary standing outside the guestroom where Mr. Kovach was. She exhaled and walked towards him. “Mr. Shelby?”

“Where’s Polly?” he asked, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible.

She exhaled and looked towards the room. “They’re all in there Mr. Shelby.” she added in a quieter voice. “It’s not really good Mr. Shelby. The doctor’s administering stronger painkillers. He may not last the night.”

He turned to Jeremiah who nodded at him. “Let’s go, Tommy.”

He exhaled deeply and nodded. “Right.” he handed her Charlie. “Give him a bath, put him to bed, I’ll be in later.”

She nodded. “Right away, Mr. Shelby.”

He and Jeremiah walked down the hall and into the guestroom. The room was dark, a few candles here and there. The electric lights were probably bother Mr. Kovach’s eyes. All eyes went to him and Jeremiah as he walked into the room. His family knew it the moment they saw Jeremiah; he could see it in their eyes. The girl, whatever her name was, didn’t even bother to look up. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, holding her father’s hand tightly. 

“Tommy,” Polly said. “he’s---

“I know.” he removed his hat and walked up to Mr. Kovach. He inhaled, wiping his brow before leaning over the bed. Her father, was barely hanging on, but the fight hadn’t left that man’s eyes left. He was holding on and he most likely wouldn’t die until Thomas married his daughter. Her name escaped him for a moment. “I’m back. Sabini left a message for me. He knows she’s here.”

“Will you,” Mr. Kovach gasped out, his voice so faint that he had to lean forward to hear him. “marry her…and…keep her safe?”
Thomas nodded as he stated. “I will.” He nods towards Jeremiah. “He’ll perform the ceremony right now.”

Kate, that was her name, found her voice. “No. Please, don’t---

“Promise,” he gasped. “that you…won’t hurt her. Swear it.”

Thomas nods. “I swear it, I’ll never lay a hand on her. Anyone who tries, won’t live long enough to try it again.” he turned towards the girl and nodded. “Come on.”

“I said,” Kate hiccuped. “I won’t marry him!”

“You don’t have a choice.” Polly stated quietly. “I know, it’s hard especially after---

“I don’t want---

He had enough of this. He didn’t have time for his. He grabbed her by the wrist and tugged her off the bed. She let out a cry, which she covered behind her free hand. She jumped backwards, trying to get free but he tugged her towards him. “Tommy!” Polly said firmly. “Let her go.”

“We’re going to talk in private.”

“Thomas!” Polly said firmly.

He ignored her and the muttered words coming from her mouth. He tugged her into her room and flipped on the lights. She inhaled rapidly, tears pouring down her cheeks. “Please, don’t---

“Shut up.” He said firmly as he reached into his coat and pulled out Sabini’s note. He handed it to her. “Read this.” she did so without hesitating. She was scared, he could see her hand shaking but he didn’t care. Her hand started to shake more as she read the letter from Sabini. She covered her mouth as she got to the end of the letter. The page fell from her hand. He exhaled as he stated. “You know what’ll happen to you if I let you walk out my house.”

She nodded as she croaked. “Yes, sir.”

“Don’t call me sir. Mr. Shelby will do.” He exhaled. He hated, hated the way she said ‘Sir’ to him. He inhaled and then proceeded to tell her just how low his expectations in this nightmare of a marriage would be. “You need to know this. When we marry, I won’t love you.” she didn’t even blink. “I’ll never love anyone the way I love my wife.” she nodded in quiet understanding. “While I do not love you…you will be under my protection and you will get the respect that a wife should have.”

She didn’t believe him; he could see that in her red-tinged, green eyes. She shook her head. “I don’t…want to marry.”

She had no choice in the matter anymore. “I’ve got the ring, I’ve got Jeremiah and I gave your father my word. You will marry me today.” she stared at him, looking as if she’d rather jump off a cliff than marry him. She opened and shut her mouth a few times. He could see that she wanted to ask him a question, but couldn’t. He had enough before telling her. “Just say it.”

She struggles for a few moments and then asked. “What…do you expect, from me …at night?”

He frowned. “What’d you mean?”

She licked her lips and croaks. “You know, what I mean.”

He hadn’t, until now. He exhaled and stated lowly. “I don’t want anything to f**king do with you. You’ll just be some woman who has the name Shelby and a ring on your finger that I gave you.”

She flinched, his words hurt her. He knew that, but he didn’t care. “But---

“If I want to f**k someone,” he stated. “I know where to go. But I’m not f**king you.”

---

She had to be insane. Was she honestly contemplating to agree to marry some man who told her to her face that he wouldn’t be faithful to her? Under normal circumstances, that would be insulting. But this wasn’t normal circumstances. Her father was dying, the doctor had confirmed that he’d be dead by tomorrow morning. How? How could she even agree to this?

She inhaled before asking. “Have I…your word that you’d never…with me?”

He was silent for a long time before stating. “I can’t give that because you’d be my wife.” She instantly stepped back and her back hit the door. He stepped forward, keeping her pinned between her and the door. The room started to grow smaller and smaller as he spoke to her. “I’m sure…you don’t want me coming home every day for the rest of this… ‘marriage’ having f**ked someone else.”

She didn’t like that idea, but she disliked the idea of sharing his bed with him even more. She didn’t know much about him, but he was strong, dangerous and he had a dark vibe. He couldn’t be capable of tenderness, she was sure of this. Better that he was with some other woman than her. “I-I really don’t care.”

“Don’t believe you.” He stated directly, causing her to blanch. “One day, when you’re more comfortable around me, you’ll share my bed. But till that day arrives, you stay in your room and I’ll stay in mine. Understood?”

She understood, but she didn’t want to be with him. She didn’t want to have sex with him or another man as long as she lived. But, he was her husband and he was decent enough to wait. She didn’t know how he’d be in bed, but, she didn’t really have much of a choice in this matter. She inhaled and stated. “I can’t marry you. I don’t want to---

“You have to marry me.” he stated. “If not for yourself,” he jerked his head towards the door. “you do it for that man in there.” the moment he said that, Kate knew that once again her life was over. He’d won. Mr. Shelby spoke in a low hushed voice. “He’s dying, but he won’t go until he knows that you’re f**king safe.” She flinched slightly. “So, let’s just f**king get it over with and let him go in peace. Talk the details afterwards over with Poll, I don’t give a f**k. I have business to take care of and I’d rather not waste time arguing with you in here.”

There was no more fight in her. George had beaten it out of her long before then and what little she’d started to find, he’d just smothered. She nodded and croaked. “Alright.”

He nods and grabs her wrist, nearly causing her to jump out of her skin. “Come on.”

He half-dragged her back into the room. This was awful. The man, Jeremiah, performed the ceremony. It was a dark and unhappy affair. She could hear her father’s breathing growing shallower. He did as well, for he tightened his grip on her wrist, forcing her to stand in place. He put a plain, gold band on her hand. He spoke his vows like he was completing a contract, while she spoke it as if she were reading her death sentence. 

When they were pronounced man and wife…her father drew his last breath. She heard him stop breathing as her world froze over. Mr. Shelby released her hand before turning and walking out of the room, asking for Arthur and John to follow him. They dutifully followed him out of the room. Kate stood there numbly, listening as Jeremiah began praying for her father. She was now married to a complete stranger and she was back in the same hellhole that she was in with George. Only this time…escape would be impossible.

Chapter 11: Wet in the library

One month later,

---

“You need to leave this room.” Polly said. “It’s not right for you to spend so much time in here.”

“No.” Kate shook her head.

Polly exhaled. “The two of you are married, you should at least move into the room belong to the lady of the house.”

“I’m not his wife.”

Polly exhaled as she said. “That ring on your hand says otherwise.”

Kate had been married to Thomas Shelby for barely a month and it was almost as if they weren’t even married to each other. True to his word, he spent most of his days working. He then put aside some time to play and visit with Charlie before going to his room in the evenings. She was always concerned that he’d break into her room at first, so she’d starting locking the door. But he always went past her room to Charlie’s and then back to his, he never even paused outside the door. Regardless, she still didn’t trust him. She didn’t trust any man. And she knew that if she moved into his wife’s room, while he was still grieving, he wouldn’t take kindly to it. The way they lived now, was more than satisfactory for her.

Her father was buried the day after he died. Polly had arranged for him to be buried beside her mother. The funeral had been poorly attended. Just her, Polly, Arthur, John and two armed guards. her ‘husband’ did not attend and she was grateful for that. Polly, per her father’s wishes had handled the house. Kate had gone through the house with her and a crew of Thomas Shelby’s men. They went through each room, saving whatever she wanted. she saved the books from the library, his record collection, her mother’s china and silver. She’d insisted that he keep it. he’d promised that it’d be waiting for her after she returned from her ‘honeymoon’ but she’d told him to keep it, saying that George and her had bought a set in Paris. She’d been right to do so, George would have smashed it all out of spite. George had done many things to her in France, but buying her china wasn’t one of them.

She went through the clothes and saved her mother’s hope chest, along with her jewelry. Kate, hadn’t worn her mother’s wedding dress when she’d married George, feeling like a fraud in it. Now, she’d never get to wear it and it was something that she couldn’t bear to part with. she took her mother’s perfume and she kept the letters that her father had written while he was courting her mother. She wondered if her father had truly loved her mother, or if like her, he’d settled for her because he couldn’t have Polly. she couldn’t blame him, she’d settled for George because she’d lost John. the only thing her mother and George had in common was that they both died within 2 years of their marriage.

Kate told Polly to help herself to whatever she wanted, otherwise everything could just be sold. Polly kept two paintings and got Kate’s permission to move her father’s liquor and wine collection to Thomas’s house. Kate had agreed as it seemed a shame for it to go among strangers. Kate kept a few paintings, but she told Polly that everything else could be sold, including the house. Polly said that she’d put the money in an account for Kate that no one would be able to touch. It’d be hers to do with as she pleased. Kate hadn’t really cared. It was clear that she was in a cage still, no matter how gilded the bars.

She did want a few statues from the garden, remembering how many hours she’d spent with the many children. there was a rose bush, which she asked Polly to destroy when the house sold. Her father had bought it for her mother as their first anniversary gift. He’d tended to it when she died and Kate didn’t want anyone else taking care of it. it seemed wrong that the one connection belonging to her parents would go to strangers. She never had a green thumb and Polly would make sure it was gone before any future owners bought it.

Polly exhaled as she stood up. “Well, I can see that you won’t talk today.” she pulled on her gloves. “You’re a stubborn one, but I’m going to keep trying.” Kate simply nodded. “I’m going into town, do you want to come?”

That meant new faces, new people and she didn’t feel like that. she shook her head. “No thank you.”

Polly exhaled. “It’s Good Friday. Thomas and everyone’s gone hunting, they won’t be back till later. You have the house to yourself. The bookcase arrived yesterday and it’s set up. I had the men bring down your father’s books, so you can arrange them.”

Kate nodded. “Perhaps later today.”

Polly walked out of the room, muttering in a language she didn’t understand. Polly slammed the door behind her and Kate jumped. She didn’t mean to come off the way she was to Polly, she understood that she was being kind, but that wasn’t what she wanted. there hadn’t been a moment to herself in 2 years where she could relax. She wanted to relax, to try to breathe normally again. but every time she tried, someone came barging in, wanting to talk to her, to try and make her talk when all she wanted was to be left alone. Kate exhaled and leaned against the window and looked out at the property below. It was a beautiful place, but she still didn’t feel safe enough to venture outside just yet. one day she would, but today was not that day. She closed her eyes and rested. It was hard to sleep at night, she felt safer during the day. She could see where things were in the daylight. At night….anything could happen.

A knock on the door, caused her to whip her head towards the door. “Mrs. Shelby?” it was Mary, the housekeeper. She didn’t like her. the woman looked down her nose at her as if she were trash. The door opened and Mary stated. “There is a woman here to see Mr. Shelby.”

Kate shook her head and said. “Not my concern.”

“Shall I---

“I don’t care.” she stated. “Put her, wherever Mr. Shelby would put a guest of his.”

“You won’t greet her?”

How did she know who this woman was? He might smack her for meeting with a guest without his permission. He also might smack her for not greeting his visitor, but they’d been living separate lives at this point. Yes, visiting the guest would certainly earn her a punch in the mouth. she’d stay up here.

“No, I won’t.” she looked back out the window. “Leave me, please.”

The door shut and Kate exhaled. She’d get a late lunch and she could hide the sandwich in the tin box she’d found among her father’s things. She could eat it later once she awoke. She glanced at the clock on the wall. It was nearly time for lunch. She wasn’t hungry yet, she was exhausted. Only once lunch was brought to her, could she sleep. She requested that she be given dinner closer to 9:00 in the evening. She’d awake from her nap, eat dinner and then wait until Midnight. Then, she’d go downstairs and sort her father’s books. Once Mary brought lunch to her, only then did Kate close her eyes. Sleep claimed her almost instantly and she fell asleep with the candlestick in her hand.

When Mary awoke her with her dinner tray, she was ravenous. Fortunately, the cook around here always gave large portions. Kate had requested a fruit every evening, which she’d save for a snack when she got hungry, which was normally around 4:00. Around 9:00, she’d have her sandwich from lunch, then wait for noon before falling asleep again. after eating dinner, she put the tray outside where Mary could retrieve it first thing with. she could hear Mr. Shelby walking around. He normally went to his room around 10:30ish. Once he went in, he stayed in.

Once the clock chimed midnight, she left her room and tiptoed down the stairs. she knew to avoid the third stair because it creaked. The house was dark, but she could still find her way to the library easily enough. she opened the door and sure enough, all thirty crates of her father’s books were cluttered by the bookcase. She closed the door behind her and turned on one light. Kate looked around and found the crowbar. She opened the first box and smiled at the sight of his beloved Shakespeare collection. Oh, how he loved these books. Kate began unpacking them, putting them on the shelf below the middle shelf so she could reach it easier. 

She had just gotten through the second crate, when she heard loud voices. A woman, but, the voice of the man clearly belonged to Thomas Shelby. Kate turned rapidly and her hand hit the crowbar, knocking it off the crate and down behind the stack. Panic filled her as she tried moving the crate, but this one was way too heavy. Then, she heard footsteps. Kate looked around and her eyes fell on the curtain. She ran there, hoping to get behind there before the door opened.

But she didn’t make it in time. 

The door opened and she whipped around to see a strange woman, with a gun in her hand. Kate instantly froze. The woman had a man’s coat on. The woman looked at her, an almost mad look on her face, but she was clearly disinterested in her. the woman glanced towards the library door, causing Kate to turn towards the door, dread filling her as the last person she wanted to see entered the room. Thomas Shelby and he was pulling his shirt on over his head. 

Her heart began to pound in her head as he looked at her. this was the first time, she’d seen him in nearly a month and he looked just as terrifying as he did back then. The sound of bullets hitting his desk, brought their attention back to the woman.
The strange woman slowly brought the gun to her temple. “I emptied the chamber, except for one bullet.”

Kate felt as if she were going to be sick. God, she remembered George doing this to her. “No!” He said hoarsely, holding a hand up. “No, please.”

“This is a game we used to play.”

It’s just a game! George howled in her ear. You should be laughing, not crying! Kate covered her mouth, struggling against the memories that were suddenly hitting her upside the head from out of nowhere. 

“No.” 

“Watch.” The woman commanded.

What do you think it’d do to your father if you got sent back with a great big f**king hole in your head? she was going to be sick. her heart was so loud that she couldn’t hear Thomas Shelby or the mad woman anymore. the buzzing was too loud now. she could hear nothing. All she could remember was George pulling the trigger, it clicking loudly in her ears. Then he pulled it again. Again. Again. Again and again. Only when he pulled the trigger for the 6th time, did he reveal that the gun was empty. But the gun wasn’t against her forehead anymore when he’d told her that.

CLICK! The strange woman pulled the trigger.

After that…she didn’t hear a single thing.

---

This woman was a menace! Russians, were insane. He grabbed the gun from Tatiana as he shouted. “Give me the f**king thing!” he took the final bullet from the chamber and slammed it on the desk. 

Under normal circumstances, he should feel ashamed about being caught with another woman in front of his wife, but she didn’t care about him and he didn’t care about her. he told her that and they hadn’t seen each other since they married. That day, he’d gone out and killed Mr. Changretta. Well, Arthur did, because he saw it as an act of ‘mercy’. Whether it was merciful to Mr. Changretta or to Tommy, he didn’t know which it was, but either way, the man responsible for killing his wife was dead and that had helped him a lot. He hadn’t thought about his ‘wife’ in truth, he forgot she even existed most of the time. Polly brought her up on occasion, told him to talk to her, but he didn’t want to talk to her. 

He’d taken to f**king Lizzie on occasion, anything to try and find some release from the feelings that had been tormenting him inside. No, it was more than that. he wanted everything to get back to normal. But he couldn’t find normal. Normal didn’t exist without Grace. he wanted it to get back to the ‘normal’ he lived through when she had left him the first time. Tatiana was no different than Lizzie, it was business and they were both just warm bodies. He didn’t care about either of them. in truth, he didn’t care much about anything anymore.

“It brings you alive.” Tatiana said, a smile on her face. “You won't try it?”

“No, I do not want to try!” He shouted as he came around the desk, pushing past his statue of a wife to shout in Tatiana’s face. “And I do not want your mad f**king Russian brains all over me f**king walls.”

“I survive each time by the will of God.”

He slams the drawer shut and orders her. “Get to f**king bed, now!”

“I already called a maid.” The mad woman said as she ran out of the room.

“F**king,” he swore, at the end of his rope. He turned towards his ‘wife’ and ordered. “you, upstairs, now.” she didn’t move. He exhaled and snapped at her. “Did you hear me?” She didn’t even blink. He opened his mouth to say something, but stopped. He knew that look, he'd seen it many times before. Her eyes were glazed over and he knew that she wasn’t in this room with him. her head was elsewhere, somewhere in the past. He walked towards her. just what he needed, another mad woman under his roof. “Hey.”

He stepped in water, or at least, he thought it was water, until he looked at the floor and saw the puddle on the floor between her legs. the front of her nightdress was wet as well, letting him know that she’d wet herself. the brief moment of disgust, waned to concern as he looked at her. she was staring dead ahead, her green eyes wide, but vacant. He waved his hand in front of her face, but she didn’t respond to the movement of his hand. something, he didn’t know what it was, but something had happened in here that set off a memory of the past and now she was too scared to move.

He pulled off his shirt and threw it on the floor. he stepped on his shirt first, wiping the sole of his foot before moving it towards the mess on the floor. he knew what was going to happen the moment he touched her, but he couldn’t leaving her standing in the middle of his library like this. 

So, he inhaled, readied himself and reached out to touch her shoulder. The moment he laid a hand on her, she jolted as if she’d been struck by lightning. He’d expected her to scream, but he hadn’t expected the words that came flying out of her mouth.

Chapter 12: Just as broken

“Get it out!” she screamed out as she hit him. she got one good slap in as he tried to grab her flailing arms. “Get it out! Get it out of me!”

“Hey!” He said calmly. “Listen to me!”

“Get it out!”

“Calm down!!” He said loudly, but she couldn’t hear him.

“Please!” She kept screaming. “God! Please! Don’t!!”

“Hey?” He said firmly. “Listen to me!!”

“GOOOODDDD!” She let out a blood-curdling scream that sent a complete shiver down his spine. “DOONN’TTT!!”

then, the screaming got more and more intense by the second. She wouldn’t, or rather, couldn’t stop screaming to get something out of her. he didn’t know what was going on or where she was, but right now, she was as terrified as Danny whizbang had been during one of his turns, if not worse. As near as he recalled, Danny didn’t wet his trousers. This was similar, yet so very different. If she were Danny, he’d pin her on the ground and talk her out of this, but he instinctually known that would make this whole situation worse and probably terrify her even more. 

When she nearly scratched his face, he moved her towards the liquor bar. She fought and struggled all the way but he had very few options that he could do. Her face had gone nearly as red as her hair and she was screaming so loudly that he knew Charlie was awake. He heard footsteps behind him, but couldn’t look as he pinned her against the wall. that made her start screaming even louder, but he didn’t have a choice. He spun her around so her face was pressed into the wall. her screams grew higher, if that was even possible, but she stopped fighting. Then she went lax, like she was resigning herself to something, but she kept crying. sobbing, actually, these sobs were heartbreaking and violent.

He turns to see Mary standing there, her face was set in stone. Tatiana is standing there, her top discarded somewhere and there was a look of amusement on her face. he inhaled as he pressed on her shoulder blades so he could keep her there while he undid the lid on the water dispenser. Once he had it, he spun her around to face him. She moved fast, so fast that he didn’t see it coming until her teeth sunk into his arm. 

“F**K!” 

He threw the contents in her face! She spluttered and he poured the last of the water on her head. She gasped and then she went still for a moment, then…the light came back into her eyes. she looked at him, her green eyes filling with the realization that she’d had a turn. She inhaled and looked around the library in clear confusion as to how she got here. “W-what?”

 He inhaled, finding a sense of calm before speaking as gently as he could to her. “You’re alright.”

She was struggling to breathe, but her instinct was still to run away. she twisted her hand, which he still held tightly in his. “Let me go. please.”

“In a minute.” He said calmly. “If you look down---

"Please."

“Look down.” He said firmly. “You had an accident.” She looked down and stared at her soiled nightdress in shock. “You had a turn, I was trying to help you. not hurt you. do you understand me?” she nodded without looking up at him. he exhaled and released her. “Mary,” he exhaled as he stepped away from Kate. “take her upstairs, run a bath for her, make sure she gets into bed. Alright?”

“Yes Mr. Shelby.” Mary placed her hand on Kate’s waist and gave her a nudge forward, which nearly sent her flying. Not because Mary was violent, but because any touch upset her right now.

he exhaled and ran his hand through his hair. He wasn’t expecting this. there was something very, very wrong with her. he’d ask Polly, but he remembered Polly telling him that she wouldn’t talk to her. he had a funny feeling that she’d talk to him. not because she wanted to, but because she was scared to make him angry. he wasn’t sure how he knew that, he just knew.

He exhaled deeply and went to his desk, he shook his head as he knelt down and wiped up her mess with the shirt, being careful not to get anything on his hands. As he stood up, he realized that from where she’d been standing she’d been looking at his desk. or to be specific, she’d been looking at Tatiana and the gun. He looked back and forth from the desk to where she’d been standing. Suddenly, it was in that moment, that he realized exactly what she’d been screaming to get taken out of her.

George Sabini had stuck a gun inside her and pulled the f**king trigger. 

His blood ran cold as that realization penetrated his very being. What had happened to this girl? Why the f**k had she even stayed in that marriage? no. how the hell had she even survived being married to someone like that? all of a sudden, Tatiana’s little ‘game’ seemed pretty tame in comparison. Tatiana was playing a game of chance that she claimed to have survived by the will of God. He didn’t believe in God, but if anyone was to survive by God’s will, it was Kate. she shouldn’t still be alive. he didn’t know the extent of what she’d endured, but he knew that whatever it was that it would be far worse than anything he could think up.

“Who is that?” Tatiana asked, breaking him out of his thoughts. 

He was silent for a long time and then he stated. “A friend.” He didn’t know what to call her. he couldn’t call her his wife. she wasn’t his wife. she’s just a woman who he gave his name to and put a ring on her finger. That hardly made her his wife. she didn’t want to be his wife anymore than he wanted to be her husband. 

“A friend?” She laughed. “A friend of your dead wife? They’re nothing like each other, are they?” 

He went stiff at those words. He did not need a reminder of how she was completely the opposite of Grace. Grace, wouldn’t have taken whatever it was George put Kate through. She’d have killed George the first time he put a hand on her. so, he didn’t understand why the Hell this girl, who’d shot George 20 times, had put up with it for two years. what force, could possibly keep her in that man’s house for nearly two years. it made no f**king sense to him, but then again, he didn’t know her. He didn’t know her at all. All he knew about her was her name was Kate Kovach, her eyes were green, her hair was reddish-brown and something terrible had happened to her when she was married to George.

He nodded. “Yeah.” He turned and dropped his spoiled shirt in the trashcan. His library would smell tomorrow.

“You see?” Tatiana stated with a laugh in her voice. “You are afraid. Like a boy who's broken in through the window. Afraid of her.” he glanced back at Tatiana. “Afraid of some little thing that p*ssed on herself like a child. Why?”

he wasn’t scared of her. something with her…it just sat wrong. He looked up at the stairs and into the eyes of Grace’s portrait. For the first time…he saw disapproval in her eyes. but at the same time, he heard the voice of Bethany Boswell and Jeremiah in his head. Jeremiah’s was the loudest though. Take care of one of His precious creations. How could he do that? How could he even begin to think about taking care of that girl? 

He was silent for a long time, then he turned to Tatiana. “You go to your room. I’ll go to mine.” She blinked in surprise. “We’re done for the night.”

She laughed and looked at him. “What do you mean?”

He didn’t know. he shook his head as he moved towards the stairs. “I need to check on her.”

“Why?”

he didn’t bother to dignify that with an answer. Mostly because, he didn’t know why he needed to check on her. they were husband and wife in name only, but an overwhelming obligation had been placed on his shoulders. He’d given his word to a dead man that this girl would be safe and protected. In truth, he’d ignored her. It was like she didn’t even exist to him. now, he’d been forced to recognize that she did exist and she was a part of his house. he didn’t want to, but he had to.

he went towards her room, the guestroom, to see that the door was open. Mary was guiding her towards the bed. she was now dressed in a clean and fresh nightdress. Kate moved numbly enough, but he noticed her eyes were darting around the room. she was still half out of it, but she was still taking in her surroundings, being aware of every little things around her. 

he cleared his throat, causing her to jump. “She alright, Mary?”

Mary nodded as she drew the covers back for Kate. “Yes, Mr. Shelby. got her all cleaned up. She should sleep well tonight.”

The girl wouldn’t but there was no sense in pointing that out. She got into the bed, keeping a wary eye on him out of the corner of her eye. He exhaled and approached her. she shrank back, clearly concerned about him getting close to her. his foot kicked something metal and he bent over and picked it up. It was a sewing tin and he would have put it on table without a second thought. But she reacted to him holding it. She’d gasped and when he looked at her, he saw that she was scared. Why would she be scared of a sewing tin? 

He opened the tin and to his surprise, there was a sandwich in there. he glanced at her, to see her hyperventilating. Her breathing was rapid and her eyes were wide. She was saving food. Why? he cleared his throat and stepped towards the bed. he held the tin out to her. “Hungry?”

She shook her head and croaked. “No.”

He didn’t believe her. he stepped closer. “Are you getting enough food?” she simply nodded. He frowned as he looked at her. her hands were fisted in the sheets and she was biting her lip so tightly that she drew blood. She was beyond scared. “What’s wrong?”

She didn’t answer him. She diverted her gaze. Mary cleared her throat. “She had dinner at 9:00, Mr. Shelby.”

He frowned. “That’s late. Where’d she get the sandwich from?”

Mary’s eyes narrowed as she looked at the sandwich. “From lunch today Mr. Shelby.”

“What time did she have lunch?”

“Noon.”

He nodded as he looked back her. she swallowed very uneasily. He exhaled and stated. “From here on out, she eats the same time as everyone else.” her eyes widened in fear and distrust. “Make sure she gets as much as she wants. No need for her to hold onto her food.”

“Yes Mr. Shelby.”

he looked back at Kate, only to see that she was panicking. He wanted to say more to her, but he couldn’t think of another thing to say, so he just left the room. tomorrow, he had some things to do, but he certainly had to talk to Polly. he didn’t know what to do with his ‘wife’ but Polly had been talking to her. maybe Polly could help shed some light into this woman who was just as broken as he was. He didn't care about her, but he did want her to realize that she was truly safe. She didn't have to be scared of anything and he hoped that she'd listen to him tomorrow.

Chapter 13: First talk

The following morning,

---

She’d locked all the doors. She couldn’t remember everything that happened, just bits and pieces. But the one thing that she did remember clearly was Thomas Shelby was in her bedroom last night. But she couldn’t remember why. She knew he’d found the tin and while he’d left her food behind, he’d changed her feeding schedule.

The knock on the door caused her to jump. She stared at the door, her heart beating in her throat. The knob was tried and her heart rose in her chest as she carefully got out of the bed. “W-who is it?”

“It’s me,” Mary said. “I’ve got your breakfast tray.” Kate hesitated. “Mr. Shelby is downstairs, he specifically ordered me to bring your tray to you.”

Kate didn’t doubt that. She inhaled and said. “G-give me a minute.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

Kate grabbed her robe and pulled it on. She hadn’t slept at all last night and she was exhausted. Still, she’d needed to eat. She wasn’t sure if she could get back to her normal schedule now that he was watching her. She padded over to the door and unlocked it. She inhaled as she opened the door and prepared to take the tray from Mary.

Only it wasn’t Mary standing there. It was Thomas Shelby.

She went to slam the door shut, but he’d already anticipated this and he pushed the door open and got inside her room. She instantly stepped back, looking around the room for something to protect herself with. He exhaled and reopened the door. “Thank you Mary.” He then held the door open for her and gestured. “Downstairs.”

She stared at him. “Why?”

He exhaled. “Downstairs.” He held his hand out to her. “Come on.” she stared at his hand for a moment, she was unsure. While the gesture appeared to be innocent enough, there was no telling which way his hand would fly once she got close enough to him. Still, she knew from experience not to keep a man like him waiting. She inhaled and walked through the door, keeping her head lowered. “Look where you’re going.” He stated as he closed her bedroom door behind him. “Nothing to see on the floor.”

She stilled. He was…allowing her to look up? All animals hang their heads low in submission to their masters. You’re no different. That’s what George had said to her. She remembered that as clear as a bell. He and George were practically the same man. So, why was he telling her to look up? He stopped in front of her and she hesitantly looked up at him, only to jump a step back when she saw his hand right in front of her face.

He exhaled. “Just take my f**king hand. I’m not going to hit you.” she didn’t believe him. She inhaled and stared at his hand before cautiously placing her hand in his. He nods. “Come on.”

With that, he turns and leads her down the stairs, his hand trailed behind him which allowed some space between them. She didn’t know if he realized that he was doing this, but George had never treated her this way once. No, that’s a lie. He did help her down the stairs once, and then he threw her down the stairs. After that, she made sure to stay downstairs and go upstairs only at night. A sound behind her caused her to turn and she saw Mary walking down behind her. She felt trapped again. Mary would not be like Mrs. Hughes. The woman had a pinched face and cold expression. Not an ounce of warmth radiated from her.

Once they reached the foot of the stairs, he nodded at Mary. “Thank you. I’ll call for you later.”

“Yes Mr. Shelby.” with that, Mary walked away, leaving her and Mr. Shelby alone.

She wanted to ask him to let her go, but decided not to. She didn’t know who or what he was. He might get angered if she dared to speak to him like that. She bit her lip, taking off the scab as he led her towards the library. The moment she walked in, the smell of urine hit her, even with the window open. Her heart raced in her chest as she realized what she was being brought in for. She was going to be punished for making a mess in here.

“I’m sorry.” The words flew out of her mouth before she could stop them. “I’m sorry,” he turned towards her. “I’ll clean it---

“It’s alright.” he said calmly. “I had Mary clean it up.”

She didn’t believe him. “I-I can clean it again. I’m sorry---

“It’s alright.” He said. “I didn’t bring you here for that.” he turned towards her, still holding her hand in his. She didn’t know why he was doing this. she swallowed. “It was an accident, no need to talk about it again.”

ok, that confused her. why did he bring her down here? why was she here if he wasn’t going to punish her for urinating on his library floor? the stench was overwhelming! She inhaled, her brain struggling to understand what was going on now. what did he want her for? After a few moments of struggling, she realized that he was waiting for her to speak, so, she stammered out. “T-then, why am I here?”

“The books.” He gestured towards the bookcase. “You were unpacking them, right?”

she nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“I’ve told you,” he stated. “call me Mr. Shelby.” he finally let go of her hand and she hastened to fold her hands. He exhaled as he tugged on his coat. “I opened the crates, so, you can go ahead and unpack your books.” She turned towards the crates and sure enough, he’d taken all the lids off! there was like twenty boxes there. why had he done that for her? he cleared his throat and moved towards the desk, being careful to avoid the spot where she’d had her accident. “Your breakfast,” he nodded towards the coffee table. “is right there.” she glanced at it warily. “I instructed Mary to make sure you have enough to eat. If you want more, just ask for it.”

“Thank you Sir.” He exhaled and she hastened to correct herself. “I mean, Mr. Shelby.”

he studied her, his blue eyes seeming to pierce through to her very soul. “He wouldn’t let you eat, would he?” she just went still. how did he know? God. Was she that transparent? She thought that all her time under George had made her seem like a wall, but, apparently he could see through walls. “I already know it’s true, so, you might as well tell me.”

she looked at him, he nodded. She inhaled and said softly. “Only, if I was disobedient.”

He folds his hands. “And what, qualified, in his mind, as disobedient?”

God, she didn’t want to do this now. but, unlike Polly, this man had a presence that demanded answers. She inhaled and blinked back the tears as she recalled. “If I, didn’t do as he said. If I…forgot something or I-I asked him…to stop.”

He studied her and nodded. “I can tell, that you think I’m exactly like him.” He was. No matter what he said, she knew he was exactly like George. “But I’m not.” she dropped her gaze, not wanting him to see that she knew he was lying. “Look at me.” she did so instantly. He held her gaze. “I would have had this talk with Polly here, but she’s nursing a hangover after putting all my female workers on strike.” She blinked. God, what was he going to do to his aunt? That was big, she didn’t know what business he had, but she knew that strikes among workers weren’t tolerated. Not to mention, his aunt led this one! “So,” he lit a cigarette. “we have to, talk about last night on our own.”

“I am sorry,” she hastened to assure him. “I didn’t mean---

“I don’t want,” he stated firmly. “to hear you apologize to me for that again. do you understand me?”

she nodded as a shiver ran down her spine. His voice, like his countenance, was cold. “Yes, S,” she caught herself. “Mr. Shelby.”

“I’ve had friends in the war, I know things happen. It’s not your fault.” how could he possibly know? she sincerely doubted that any soldier had been tortured the way that she had been. he studied her for a long time before asking. “What would you like me to call you?” 

She stared at him, unsure as to why he was asking that. “What?”

“I’m not ready to call you Mrs. Shelby yet.” He stated. “You’re barely my wife and I’m not really your husband.” She had to agree with him there. they were two people who lived in the same house, the fact that they shared a name made no difference. “So, what would you like me to call you?”

he was allowing her the option of choosing? That made no sense to her. She swallowed and declared. “Whatever you want Sir, I mean, Mr. Shelby.”

he stood up and she took a step back. He put one hand in his pocket, the other holding onto his cigarette. He studied her before stating. “You used to call him ‘Sir’ didn’t you?”

she swallowed past the lump in her throat. “Yes.” she decided not to address him at the end, for fear she’d slip and say ‘Sir’ instead of ‘Mr. Shelby’. she wasn’t doing it on purpose, it was a hard habit to break.

He came around the desk slowly and she took a few steps back. He stopped and held her gaze as he stated. “I already know, that Sabini stuck his gun in you and pulled the trigger.”

The blood drained out of her face. how? How had he known that? humiliation, pain and fear welled up in her. she shook her head desperately. “No. No, he didn’t.”

“I know, he did.”

“He didn’t!” God, if he knew, then he’d know that she could take that kind of torture! “I don’t know, who told you---

“You did.” He stated darkly as he put out the cigarette.

She shook her head. “Sir, I don’t---

“When I touched you,” he stated. “you kept shouting for him to ‘take it out’.” The blood drained from her body. God? How had she betrayed herself like that? “You were looking at Tatiana when she had my gun. Don’t take much to guess that’s what happened, especially after looking at your back, I’m betting he did more to you than that.” He crossed his arms and inquired. “Am I right?”

she looked down and nodded. There was no point in lying to him. “Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

he advanced towards her and she closed her eyes, struggling to find her breath. It was coming in little cold gasps. After a month, nearly free from torture, she wasn’t looking forward to finding herself back in another man’s bed. God, this was going to be Hell. whatever was coming to her, she deserved it. she could try to find a reason to blame him, but this time, it really was her fault.

He stopped directly in front of her and Kate prayed that whatever he did to her wasn’t longer than fifteen minutes. “Look at me.” he ordered, his voice low and threatening. She instantly looked up at him. her heart pounded in her throat. his face was less than a foot away from hers and he was even more intimidating up close. He brought his hand up towards her face and she waited for it. she didn’t know if he’d choke her, slap or punch her, but she was ready for it.

But she wasn’t.

He cupped her chin in his hand. She shuddered and started shaking as tears filled her eyes. he used his thumb to wipe away the tears that were trickling down her cheek. “I’m not going to hurt you.” she didn’t believe him. George used to do thing like that in the beginning of the marriage, say that he wasn’t going to hurt her, then spin around and knock her to the ground. “I know, you don’t believe me, but I do think that any man, that treated you the way he did, should die.” She was right, she didn’t believe him. “So, I want you to know that you’re safe here. you don’t have to worry about me putting a hand on you,” his hands were on her now. “in anger. You have your own room and this whole house is safe for you. Every man on my property has been charged to protect you over their own life. Mary answers to you and if there’s an issue, you come to me. do you understand?”

She didn’t. none of this…made any sense to her. why was he saying things like this? she thought George was cruel with his taunting, but at least he was up front about it. This man, this Thomas Shelby, he was just lying to her and she knew it! yes, he looked sincere and contrite, but she knew he was lying.

Before she could stop herself, the words just burst out of her! “But you left me to him! You knew what he was doing and you left me!!”

His face turned to stone and once again, Kate cursed herself for her inability to keep her mouth shut. Her father wasn't here to bribe Mr. Shelby with money. She'd just signed her own death warrant.

Chapter 14: Bargains over breakfast

So, George Sabini hadn’t been able to beat all that fire out of her. he could see that the moment she shouted in his face. he’d been momentarily surprised by the outburst, but a part of him was pleased. Whatever her many issues were, she was holding them down but they were ready to burst. The moment he drew a breath, fear and regret instantly filled her face. he could tell that she was expecting him to beat the hell out of her because that’s what she’d grown to expect. But he wasn’t George and he was going to have a hell of a time proving that to her. he didn’t love her, he never would but a part of him couldn’t help but feel pity for her. she was like an abused animal, every little gesture or move set her on edge or she tried to bolt.

Still, she had a good question. But he also had an equally good question that he put to her. “What made you more important than my wife and child?”

“I,” she opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. “I-I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He exhaled and took ahold of her elbow, which again, caused her to jump. “Come here.” she inhaled as he led her to sit down on the couch opposite her breakfast, which was getting cold. He led her around and she sat down obediently. He noted how she never moved freely. She moved like a dog on a leash, following his every guiding move. He moved and sat next to her. she went stiff as he leaned back and lit a cigarette. He exhaled and nodded to the food. “Go ahead, eat your breakfast.”

“I’m not---

“Yes, you are.” He said. “I know you’re hungry. You can’t lie to me like you do to Polly, let’s get that straight.” She flinched and he internally hated himself for this, but, he wasn’t Polly. he exhaled. “I’m not Polly or Ada or John or even f**king Arthur! I am not going to tiptoe around you and keep you guessing as to what I am. what you see, is what you’re going to f**king get.”

“Stop.”

he paused. “Stop what?”

“Stop…yelling.” 

He exhaled as he stated. “I’m not yelling, when I yell at you…you’ll know it.”

“I’m sorry!”

“And stop with the f**king apologies.” He couldn’t keep the irritation out of his voice this time. “F**k! You don’t have to say that every time I say something.”

“I’m,” he shoots her a look and she quickly covers her mouth. after a moment, she nods. “I understand.”

He exhales deeply. he is not good at this kind of thing. grace was, Polly was, hell, even Ada was good at this. he was not. he looked at her, her hands were locked together and she was nervous. Her gaze was facing forwards, but she was watching him out of the corner of her eye. He nodded towards her tray of food. “Eat.” 

She hesitated for a long time, then, she lifted up the cover on the first plate. He told Mary to have cook bring her a variety. He wanted to see how she reacted to the three plates. The first tray, revealed a plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, tomato, mushroom and sausage. She glanced nervously at him and he nodded. She bit her lip and hesitated before lifting the second cover. Her hand shook as she looked at the toast, scones, assorted jellies and butter. The third tray, revealed an assortment of fruits and some small muffins. She set down the third cover and stared at the food. After a few minutes, she swallowed and asked quietly. “W-what can I eat?”

Oh, now he was angry. not at her, at George Sabini. He inhaled, which caused her to look at her. he shrugged. “Don’t care, eat what you want.”

She hesitated. “But---

“I do not care. Eat part of it or eat the whole damn thing, I don’t care.” she bit her lip, hesitating before reaching out to take a scone. 

He smiled internally as he leaned back and kept smoking. Her movements were cautious as she picked the raspberry jelly. He kept silent, watching as she chewed her food carefully and cautiously, as if she was scared that he’d grab it from her. once she ate the scone, she hesitated, but then she reached for the English breakfast plate. He didn’t care for the beans or black pudding, so, it had been left off. she picked up the bacon first and took a slightly larger bite than she did with the scone. He smiled inwardly as she opted for the scrambled over the fried egg. She then ate one of the two sausage. He wasn’t sure, but based on her facial expression, he was fairly sure that she hadn’t had meat in a while. Her hand hovered over another scone for a moment, but she moved to grab two strawberries. He reached over and grabbed the scone. Again, she flinched when he got close. He ignored her as he opened the scone and spread more raspberry jelly on it. he then held it out to her.

She stared at it as if he offered her a poisoned apple. She shook her head. “No thank you.”

“I know you want it.” he said, on cue, her stomach let out a slight gurgle. She grabbed her stomach and looked at him with wide eyes. he smirked as he handed her the scone. “Might as well eat it. Can’t say you don’t want it now.”

she hesitated and then reached out and took the scone from him with a shaking hand. She nodded and whispered. “Thank you.”

he nods at her. “You’re welcome.” She then ate the scone, not as cautiously. This was going tobe a long proces to gain her trust and he hoped that he could find the patience to help her. The phone rang loudly which caused them both to jump slightly. she coughed and spat part of the scone back in her hand. He stood up and handed her a napkin. “Excuse me.”

“Yes, Sir.” He shook his head and she burst out. “I’m sorry!” She then let a wail of despair. “God!”

he glanced back at her as he grabbed the phone, she had dropped the scone and had her hands over her mouth. God, what had Sabini done to her. “Shelby residence?”

Thomas Shelby. 

He knew that voice. he exhaled and nodded. “Sabini?” she whipped around, dropping the scone on the ground again. she stared at him, her eyes wide in terror. He cleared his throat. “Hold the line for a minute.” He covered the receiver with his hand and gestured. “Come here.” She shook her head. he exhaled. “Come here now. I want you to hear this conversation.” She shook her head again, but reluctantly made her way towards him. he exhaled and turned the earpiece so she could hear what Sabini was saying. “Right, I’m back Sabini. What do I owe the pleasure of this call?”

Don’t f**k around with me. Sabini snarled. I just heard that Jacob Kovach has been dead for a month. Where the f**k is the girl?

The girl flinched as he cleared his throat. “Kovach’s daughter?”

No, my brother’s f**king murderer. Sabini swore. I told you, I wanted you to f**king hand her over as soon as her father died! Now, where the hell is she??

He inhaled calmly and stated. “She’s here. Now---

Hand her over.

He shook his head. “No.”

Sabini was silent, so it was Kate who gasped in shock. she looked at him in pure disbelief. Sabini then bit out. What the f**k did you just say?

“I said,” he repeated. “I’m not handing her over to you.” he’d been expecting this call from Sabini. He’d been ignoring the notes and messages for weeks. “I can’t.”

I don’t know what the f**k that whore told you, Sabini spat out with such venom that he was surprised for a moment. but she f**king wanted it. She started shaking her head. Get her mouth around your cock and you’ll know it’s true. She’s a f**king whore!

“That’s what you’re saying.” He said calmly and evenly. “But I saw what the f**k your brother did to her.” the line went quiet. “My aunt paid for her to have surgery to recover from what your monster of a brother did to her.” she started rapidly shaking her head, obviously in fear. “I’m not handing her over to you. Also,” he inhaled as he stated for the first time. “she’s my wife.” Sabini started rapidly cursing in Italian. “You come after her…Solomons and I will come after you.” that shut him up. “Understood?”

Sabini was silent before snarling. You don’t know, what the f**k she is.

“I don’t care what she is.” He stated calmly as he looked her dead in the eye. “She is my wife and under my protection. Is that understood?”

Sabini snarled and then he stated. She’ll kill you, just like she killed George.

He didn’t say what he wanted to say because that would only provoke Sabini. He inhaled and said. “We’ll talk later.”

Oh, don’t worry. Sabini threatened. We f**king will talk later. You’ll be begging me to hand her over.

“She stays with me.” he hung up and then directed the operator to call Solomons. She was staring at him as if he’d suddenly sprouted wings. 

Alfie picked up. Hello?

“Alfie,” he stated. “you’re going to be getting a call from Sabini shortly.”

Christ, Tommy, Alfie groaned. another f**king war already?

“No.” he inhaled. “I got married again.”

Alfie was silent and then he said. You f**king what? Who the f**k agreed to marry you? 

“It was an arranged marriage.” he explained. He glanced at her, she’d turned away and had her hand over her face. “Her father used to court my aunt.”

And this concerns Sabini, why?

He exhaled. “She was married to his brother George.”

He could practically see Alfie’s eyes widen on his end. You what? You married his brother’s murderer?

“It was self-defense Alfie, not murder.”

How’d you figure that? She shot him, Alfie's voice nearly broke as it rose. twenty times!

He glanced at her before stating. “Sabini took a horsewhip to her back, it’s a mess. He was going to kill her that night, there was a fight for the gun and she didn't stop shooting him.”

Solomons was silent for a long time before stating. So, her father wasn’t making things up, was he?

“No. But she didn’t tell him everything. ” he cleared his throat. “My aunt paid for her to have surgery.” He hesitated before adding. “Sabini was playing Russian roulette, but decided to stick the gun up inside her.

oh f**k. Solomons groaned. Oh, Christ! F**k!

“No bullet, but,” he exhaled before adding reluctantly. “she’s a f**king mess, Alfie. Has trouble eating and sleeping, my aunt’s working with her, but…she’s scared of her own f**king shadow. Darby said he’d kill her---

So you married her to protect her?

He nods even though Alfie can’t see him. “Yeah.”

Alfie exhaled. Right. I’ll f**king call Sabini. I got you on this one.

“And how much is this going to cost me in the future?”

Alfie laughed at him. Tommy, you chose to f**king call when I was thinking about my mother. This one’s on the house, but I'll remind you of this.

“Right.” he hung up and exhaled before addressing her. “So, that's taken care of. If Sabini comes after you, which he won't, Alfie Solomons and I go after him. the Changretta family is dead, so he doesn’t have any more allies big enough to take us on.”

she stared at him as she stammered. “M-meaning?” she seemed to be hoping that he was saying what he was really saying to her. 

he held her gaze. “Meaning that Sabini isn’t going to be able to lay a f**king finger on you. he even thinks about it…and we’re all going to kill him and whoever is involved. You’re safe. No one’s ever going to hurt you again.”

“Even you?” Once again, her face went a sickly shade of white and she covered her mouth as if that would magically put the words back in her mouth. 

He nodded at her as he confirmed. “Even me.” but even as the words left his mouth he could tell that it would be a long, long time before she believed that would even be true.

Chapter 15: What do you want?

Her heart was going to stop beating in a second. She couldn’t understand this man. Everything about him shouted that he was insanely dangerous. Maybe it was a trick. He’d lull her into letting her guard down and then the real side of him would come out when she least expected it. 

He cleared his throat and glanced at his watch. “I’ve got to leave in 25 minutes. Do you have any questions?”

She shook her head. “No, Mr. Shelby.”

He arched a brow and then stated. “You know I can tell when you’re lying?”

Her heart sped up, she had many questions, but she didn’t want to ask him. “I-I have no questions.”

“Like I told Solomons…you’re a f**king mess.” those words hurt and she dropped her gaze. His hand shot out and she instantly lurched backwards, only to hit the desk. He gripped her chin and made her look up at him. Despite his touch being gentle, she didn’t recognize that fully. 

She inhaled rapidly, “Please.”

He holds her gaze as he asks lowly, his voice sending a chill down her back. “Please what?”

“Please,” she licked her lips. “don’t.”

He steps closer to her and she can’t stop from shaking. His presence is beyond intimidating, evermore so in a confined space. “Don’t what?” 

She inhaled and croaked out. “Please just…stop touching me.” she inhaled added. “Mr. Shelby.”

He was silent for a long time, then he said. “No.”

Her heart dropped. She knew it; she knew that despite all his proclamations that he wasn’t a man of honor. A man of honor would honor such a little request, especially one who knew what he knew. He knew that George had hurt her and done unspeakable things to her. But he still didn’t care. Just like how he’d given his word to her father that he wouldn’t hurt her. He knew that she didn’t like to be touched, that it made her extremely uncomfortable, but he did it anyway. 

“You think I don’t see it?” he asked, his voice low and hoarse. “You jump when I touch you. You jump when Polly touches you. You jump any time, someone puts a f**king hand on you.” He states hoarsely. “I don’t know, what the f**k he did to you, but I do know that it’s not f**king going to happen to you here. Whatever happened when you were married to him, I'll not let you drag it into my house. You got away from it, you’ve got a new chance and you’ve got to let it go.”

Let it go?

What kind of bastard was this kind of man? She’d been starved, whipped, kicked, beaten and raped by her husband and other men who did pretty much as they pleased to her because there were no consequences as her husband had given his consent. His consent allowed whatever ‘crimes’ committed against her to become consensual. Words couldn’t explain the mental trauma that she went through and not to mention the physical abuse. She’d nearly died twice and each time she’d woken up only to curse God for allowing her to live. If there even was a God. She’d woken up each time to find herself still married to George and she wondered how much long He was going to bother keeping her alive.

She opened her mouth, but closed it right away. “Just say it.” He encouraged, but she knew better. He was baiting her into saying something, and then he’d make her pay for it.

“No, Mr. Shelby.”

He exhaled deeply and then he asked. “What do you f**king what?”

She blinked, not understanding him. “What do you mean?”

“What do you want?” He repeated, his voice rising. “You’re married to me as I’m married to you. What do you f**king want!?”

Somehow, for some reason, she just lost control. She didn’t know what it was about him. When George yelled at her it made her cower. When he yelled at her, she just wanted to yell right in his condescending face. “I want to be left alone!!” She screamed in his face. “I don’t want you to touch me! I don’t want to be your wife! Every time you touch me you make my skin crawl! You can just stop lying to me that you’re not going to hurt me because I know men like you! I was married to one! So I know that you’re going to hurt me! So just stop playing these games with me!”

“I’m not---

“I told you to get your hands off me and you said no!” She screams. “Just stop acting like you’re a ‘gentleman’ because that I know you’re not!”

“How?”

“Because I’d know!!” She screamed. “I’d know!! I know exactly what you are!! You’re an animal!” she went to push past him, but he caught her by her wrist and tugged her towards him.

She went to slap him, but he caught her hand. “None of that.”

“Will you let me go?” He ignored her and spun her around. Before she could blink, she found herself pressed face down on his desk. She let out a cry, tears filling her eyes as he pressed her palms down on the desk. God, she knew what was going to happen next. She closed her eyes, the tears rolling fast and furiously down her eyes.

He, however, exhaled and got another cigarette! “If you would stop trying to scratch my eyes out,” he straightened up, leaving her in that position. She didn’t dare to move. “I wouldn’t have to keep doing that.”

“Like you don’t enjoy it.” She spits out.

“I don’t.” He stated. “However, I am not going to just stand there and let you f**k up my face.” He exhaled deeply and said. “You can stand up if you want, but if you come at my face again, I will do that. Understood?”

she didn’t trust him, but she nodded. “Yes, Sir.” He exhaled. “I mean, Mr. Shelby.”

She came up slowly, keeping a cautious eye on him. He’s standing right behind her, so when she turns, their faces are dangerously close. She swallows and sits on the edge of the desk. He exhales. “While I’m glad to know that he didn’t break you all the way,” what did he know about breaking people? “you’re taking it out on the wrong man. Why the f**k didn’t you save this energy for him?”

“Because,” she bit out. “my father is dead. You have no leverage over me.”

He studied her and then asked. “So, George Sabini threatened your father to keep you in line then?” she didn’t respond to that, but he seemed to know it was true. He nodded. “He keeps turning into a bigger bastard by the hour.”

She just decided to cut to the chase, put all her cards on the table and see what he dealt her. “I know that you can do whatever you want to me. he’s dead. Now there’s nothing that’s going to stop me from fighting.”

“Good.” He said, his words genuinely surprising her. He had the audacity to smirk at her. “Like I said, I want to know what you f**king want. Polly doesn’t know what’s going on in that f**king head of yours, she has an idea, but I don’t think she’ll get close.”

“And you can?” She snorts. 

“You’re talking to me.” He points out lowly. “You wouldn’t talk to her.” She inhales sharply as her heart pounds violently inside her chest. God, she hadn’t realized it. She’d broken so many rules. She’d raised her voice. She’d tried to hit him. She’d spoken without permission. “And it’s good.”

She froze, unsure that she’d heard his words. She looked cautiously at him. “What’d you say?”

“I said it’s good because whatever it is he did to you is going to f**king eat you alive.”

She inhaled, blinking back the tears. “You…have no idea.”

“I know.” He exhaled. “I also know that you’re not going to tell me, you’re not going to tell Polly. You might tell her in time, not now.”

Ok, that prickled her internally in a way she couldn’t understand. How could he have an idea as to what’s going on inside her head? She looked at him as she said quietly. “You have no idea.”

“I don’t,  but I still know. You’re not the first I’ve seen like this.” She dropped her gaze. “I think that he trained into something you’re not.” She flinched. “I see it, the way you hesitate and jump every time someone touches you. You move like you’re a dog,” she jerked and found herself staring up into his blue eyes. “waiting permission from their owner.” Her heart pounded violently with that realization. Mr. Shelby’s blue eyes narrowed. “He’d call you one wouldn’t he?” She couldn’t answer that. How? How could he possibly know these things? “That explains the food and why you keep asking for permission.”

She shook her head. “Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop,” she inhaled raggedly. “just…stop acting like, you know what’s going on in my head.”

He’s silent for a long time before adding. “Then you have to talk to me.”

“No,” she shakes her head. “I don’t.”

“But you do, because a part of you wants to get back to what you used to be before you f**king married him.” She flinched and looked away from him. “That’s why you keep fighting, but when you get scared, you go back into whatever he made you into.” She closed her eyes and just let the tears run down her face. God, she felt as if he’d stripped her naked. He was surveying her and she felt as if he was analyzing her thoughts. “You may not want it, but you need to realize that you don’t get to do this anymore.”

“Do what?”

“Be his wife anymore.” He stated. “He’s dead.”

She jumped at those words. “I know!”

“But you’re still acting like you’re his property.” That, felt as if he’d stabbed her right in the heart. She looked into his eyes and found herself unable to look away. His eyes were intense, like they were staring straight through her and this time, she found herself staring back at him. It was like she was falling down a rabbit hole and the world was just swirling around her. “You’re my wife now and my requests are very different than his. You'll spend most of your time here, but you will be asked to appear in public." He explained. "Towards the end of this year we are going to the opening of the institute that my wife wanted. You have to go as my wife and you will not jump each time I put a hand on you. I will not have people thinking that I beat you, do you understand me?”

she nodded as she croaked. “Then stop forcing it.”

“I’m just getting you used to it. One day,” he said softly. “you’re going to wake up and realize that not everyone is trying to hurt you. I’ll warn you here and now, that I am not a patient man, but I won’t hurt you.”

“I don’t believe you.” She stated hoarsely.

“I know, that’s another reason why I’m going to touch you so you can learn that I won’t hurt you.” He inhales. “He hurt you, I won’t. I know you don’t believe me, but…I can see that you want to believe that more than anything in the world. But you won’t believe that until I show you that I won’t hurt you.”

And this was the moment, she knew that she was never going to have a moment of privacy in her ‘marriage’ to this man. He wasn’t like George, George wasn’t as observant  and she could get away with some things. Thomas Shelby saw everything and right now, his gaze was fixated on her and nothing she did could ever be hidden from him.

Chapter 16: Second talk

He studied her before stating directly. “Right, I know what’s bothering you so let’s get that out of the way.”

She held his gaze, even though her heart felt as if it were going to stop. “You… already refused to grant my wish.”

“I said, several things, but let me explain this to you. For now,” he reached past her and put out his cigarette. “I’m not going to f**k you.”

She glowers at him, hating the coarse language. Another trait that reminded her of George. “But you’re planning on it.” He can lie all he wants, he’s a man. Men think with very little other than their cocks and despite his gallant attitude, she knew that he wasn’t any different than the Sabini brothers and the men they kept in their employ. “You made that clear already.”

“Let me finish.” He stated. “Like I said, you’re not comfortable around me for obvious reasons. As for now, I have someone that I can go.”

“Her?” she inquired as she swallowed. There was no point in hiding anything from him. “The woman last night?”

“No.” He clears his throat. “She’s part of business, but no, it’s not her.” 

“Who?” the word pops out before she can stop it. He arches a brow in surprise and she instantly catches herself. “Excuse me, it’s just that---

she stops, no sense making him angry. “Go ahead.”

She bit her lip before adding. “It’s just that, if you have someone else…then why am I the one being forced?”

“I’m not forcing---

she shook her head. “You distinctly said---

“Yeah, I know what I said. We are man and wife and if I’m going to f**k anyone, I should f**k you!” she shook her head and dropped her gaze. There was no point in arguing with him. He wasn’t listening to her. “But I know that your last husband made it clear that you can’t refuse him. I don’t know everything that he did to you, but I know that he hurt you.” He placed a finger under her chin and he made her look up at him. “We’re both stuck with each other. And right now, you are scared to death of me.” That was putting it mildly. “We don’t know a thing about each other and I don’t want to force you.”

“But you will.”

“No.” He inhaled and exhaled. “What I’m trying to say is there’s no point in worrying about something that’s not going to happen yet.”

Ok, she couldn’t understand him anymore. He kept going back and forth so it felt like the whole room was just spinning around her. “W-what are you saying? What do you mean yet?”

“I’m saying,” he exhaled. “both of us need time around each other, you more than me. But I don’t think you want to spend the rest of your days like this, do you?”

he had a point. The running, the hiding, the fear…she’d endured that with George. She didn’t know if she could trust him, but he seemed to want to try and make things seem compatible, but…his need for sex made her feelings practically obsolete. That made it impossible to work between them. “No, but---

“But what?”

she inhaled as she said. “I-I don’t…want to have sex.”

“I know, but what I’m trying to say is we discuss  this again in two years.”

She jolted, she wasn’t expecting that. “Two years?”

He nods. “Yeah, I know you’re scared but,” he exhaled and shook his head in frustration. “f**k, I was up all night thinking about this.” He inhaled. “I don’t want to give my word and promise you something that’ll have an effect on Charlie.”

Ok, she wasn’t expecting that. She stared at him and asked hesitantly. “Charlie? What does he have to do with this?”

He inhales. “With the loss of my wife, I’ve had to look to the future and think about things, including my boy. He lost his mother and he has no one his own age around here for miles.”

She shakes her head, knowing exactly where he’s going. “No, don’t say it.”

“He needs someone else.” She shook her head. “He needs another brother or sister, otherwise he’s growing up alone. My wife and I,” he inhaled deeply. “we were trying for another for that very reason.”

Her mind reeled and she put her hand up, not to hit him, but because she wanted some space to breathe and think. He seemed to realize this, for he didn’t grab her wrist or move. He just stood there, waiting and watching as she struggled to comprehend this whole thing. If she was understanding him correctly, all she had to do was give him one child but, after George and everything. Despite what Polly and the doctor said, she doubted that she could even have a baby.

She hesitated before stating. “I-I don’t think…I can get pregnant.”

“Doctor said you could.” She shook her head. What did he know? “Obviously, it wouldn’t be easy, but---

“You have no idea,” she exhaled sharply. “what you’re asking of me.”

“I am.” He said quietly. “Last night, I was reminded that we are husband and wife.”

She licks her lips as she croaks. “We don’t have to be.”

“Yes, we do.” He states. “Because of Charlie.”

That, hit her like a bomb going off. He didn’t care anything for her, but he loved his kid so much that he didn’t care what he put her through as long as his boy got a sense of normalcy. She hadn’t been around Charlie long enough to even form a bond with the boy, but she understood what he was asking of her. He was asking her to put up with him f**king her just to give his son another brother or sister. She understood why he didn’t give his word, but she hated, hated that he’d put that in her head because she was an only child. She remembered how she used to wait for the servants to bring their younger siblings over to play with her. Her childhood was very lonely and quiet. She hated, hated the idea of his kid being put through the same thing. But what he was asking of her…it was impossible. But then, there was that little boy upstairs and she hated the thought of him being alone, but the thought of attempting to be with him, made him want to cut all her skin off with a knife.

“You’re such a bastard.” The word slipped out of her mouth before she could stop it. “You can manipulate a person so easily.”

He inhaled as he stated. “Like I said, we need time. I’d like to wait to talk about this until next year.”

She hesitates before asking. “You have a plan, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” He nods. She knew he did, the way he spoke and seemingly had an answer for everything that she put to him.

She inhales and requests. “What is it?”

“I was thinking that, we’d start slowly. You’d get used to me, then I’d move you into my bedroom next year.” She instantly started shaking her head. They were halfway April now. She sincerely doubted that she’d even be ready for him to hold her hand in 8 months, much less get into bed and let him just…she didn’t want to think about what he’d do to her. He held up his hand. “Let me finish. You’d just share the bed, no sex or anything. Then, probably the following year…we’d bring this up again and you’d see if you’d be agreeable to, having a kid with me.”

She stared at him. “You’re serious about this?”

He nods. “All I’m asking for is time, see if we can make this f**king thing work.”

She blinks. She’s unsure as to what he’s asking, so she requests confirmation. “Are you…are you saying, you want a real marriage?”

“No. To make marriage real, you need love. There is no love between us.” He inhaled, as if realizing that those words were even more painful. She’d gone from one loveless marriage into another marriage. This one, was a seemingly pragmatic marriage. Everything would be thought out, planned, discussed and decided. As to there being abuse or not, that would be revealed in the future.

She swallowed and asked. “And if I refuse?”

“Then we’ll spend our marriage in 2 separate rooms.”

That, caught her attention. She stared at him in surprise. “Are you serious?” 

He nods. “Yeah.”

“Can I have that in writing?” The words slipped out and she swallowed. “Sorry.”

He frowned slightly. “I don’t care to put personal things like that on paper, but, if you want, I can do that.”

She gasped, her heart racing. “Do you mean that, truly?” She didn’t dare to feel hope that he was telling the truth, but she was. She didn’t know if he meant it, but as he said before. God, she was hoping desperately that she could trust him. There was a very small chance that she could, but at the same time, his refusal to honor her wish to stay out of his bed made it exceedingly hard for her.

“Yes, but,” he holds her gaze. “before I put that on paper, I also need your word that you’d agree to try.” She inhales sharply. “I know, it’ll be hard but, I give you my word on my wife’s soul,” she stared up at him in shock. “that when that night comes, that I won’t hurt you.”

She didn’t know what to think of him in this moment. He seemed to be serious, but every instinct in her was telling her not to trust him. But, he swore on his wife’s soul and she knew that he loved his wife desperately. Even though he was married to her, it was obvious that he still loved Grace. She couldn’t trust him completely, but she’d known how deeply he loved his wife the first moment she saw them kissing, not caring that they were in public. God, she wanted to trust him, but, what he was asking her was beyond insane. She didn’t know what to think of him, but, this was a new life she was stuck in. He, at least seemed to be willing to try and work things out. She didn’t know if was genuine, but this was a very, very small chance that this would work out. There wouldn’t be love, but she didn’t have anything to give him and he had nothing to give her. But they both could come up with a resolution to work together. But to turn her body over to him after everything…it was asking too much from her.

She inhaled and asked. “May I, think on it, please?”

He nods. “Take all the time you need.” He reaches into his coat and checks his pocket. “I’ve got to go. Five minutes late.”
She nods as he steps away from her. “Ok.”

He grabs his coat and briefcase. “You can finish your books, but, after lunch, I told Mary to give you a tour of the house, show you how things run and all that.”

She blinked. “What?”

He exhaled as he grabbed his hat. “Walk with me.” She did so, hurrying obediently after him. “Polly says you stay in your room all day, so, no more of that. I want you to get familiar with the house, the staff and if there’s an unexpected guest, I want you to tell Mary. She’ll tell my men and they’ll question them. No need for you to worry about that.” He opened the front door and paused. “Do you know how to shoot?”

She blinks. “Yes, why?”

“Do you have a gun?”

she shakes her head. “No, Mr. Shelby, I don’t.”

He nods. “Alright,  I’ll get you a lady’s derringer for your purse and one for you to keep in the nightstand. Alright?”

She’s stunned as she asks. “Two?”

He nods. “Yes. “

She feels some of the tension evaporate from her entire being at his offer. Not just one gun, but two. “Thank you Mr. Shelby.”

He starts to walk away, but pauses before turning towards her. “I promised my wife, Charlie would never see a gun. Can you make sure he doesn’t see it?”

She nods. “Yes, Mr. Shelby, I can do that.”

“Good.” He clears his throat and walks away. “I’ll be back the day after tomorrow.”

“Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

As he headed down the steps towards his car, she closed the door. She didn’t know if it was possible to make this work, she didn’t feel 100% safe and secure in this house or near him. But the moment he said that he was willing to put terms into a contract and get her a gun, a small part of her knew that maybe he could be trustworthy. She didn’t know if she could get back to how she used to be. But the thing of comfort was that she had two years and he wasn’t going to force her. If he was truly a man of his word, then maybe the would be a way for them to coexist in peace. She wouldn’t get her hopes high, but this time, there was a little bit of hope blossoming inside her. If only he didn’t find a way to crush it into a million pieces.

Chapter 17: Blood, guns and madness

Two days later,

---

It was the second night with Mr. Shelby being gone. Frankly, Kate really hadn’t had a moment to think everything through as completely as she would have liked to. She didn’t know if he expected an answer from her, she really hoped that he didn’t. This house, it was a strange house. That could be because of the cloud of gloom that hung over the house. Gloom, was far manageable than the house of horror that she’d lived in before. The portrait of Grace Shelby seemed to look at her with disappointment. The eyes seemed to following her saying, “You were supposed to save me, not marry my husband.” Not that Kate wanted to marry Mr. Shelby; it was just her imagination running wild for the time.

The staff was much friendlier and that put her a bit more at ease. Nearly everyone had smiles on their faces and the male staff must have been talked to. Because when Mary was making the introductions, she’d gone to shake the hands of the butler who’d politely refused to shake her hand. When she asked why, he responded by saying that Mr. Shelby had given orders that no one was permitted to touch her. She’d been surprised, even more so when he added that anyone touching her would immediately be dismissed without as much as a letter of reference. She could tell that everyone was curious as to why he’d given such orders, but she didn’t give any insight as to why he’d have done that. Still, it did her heart good to know that it seemed like he was trying to make an effort towards her comfort.

Try as she might, Kate didn’t like Mary. She looked at Kate with this look that seemed to silently say that she was judging her. Kate didn’t’ know what Mary knew, but she was a cold and stiff woman. Kate had a feeling that Mary was probably friends with Grace and therefore resented her for Thomas marrying her so quietly. Obviously, she didn’t know the reasoning behind it and Kate wasn’t sharing that with anyone. 

Per Thomas’s request, the tour of the house included the nursery. That was the moment she felt that damn wall of hers start to waver in the winds of change. The moment that little book looked at her with those blue eyes, she was damned to hell. Charlie was an absolute sweetheart. Kate had always wanted to be a mother, but now she was so sure that she wouldn’t ever be able to become one, thanks to George. So Charlie would probably be the closest that she could to get to motherhood and he was absolutely adorable. He was just under two, so he could manage to say a few words and she taught him to say ‘Kate’. Well, he couldn’t manage it completely, so, he called her ‘Kat’, which was just as well. Mr. Shelby hadn’t said it directly to her, but it was clear that Charlie wasn’t to refer to her as mother. She didn’t mind, the grief was still so raw in Mr. Shelby’s heart that to hear another woman accidentally called ‘mama’ by his boy must have been a knife to the heart.

But on the other hand, he was sleeping with other women, so his heart can’t be that torn up. No, that was harsh, she saw the look on his face. He’d truly loved his wife. Maybe he was looking for comfort or something to make him feel something other than whatever was going on inside his heart. True, he kept going on and about his business. According to Mary, he worked very hard and long hours, longer since his wife died. While she didn’t want to be with him, there was still something distasteful about a man freely admitting to sleeping with not just one, but two women. True, there was no love between them, but, they were man and wife and it felt strange for that be so blatantly disrespected. But mentioning that to him would only make him point out that it would then be her obligation to sleep with him. So, for her own self-preservation, she’d have to endure his infidelity for two years. The only thing to his credit was that unlike most husbands, he wasn’t hiding it and being up front about it, as revolting as it was. Still, she had no right to quibble about it since she wasn't doing her wifely duty towards him.

She’d retired to her room after dinner, mostly because her stomach was upset. Loathe to admit it, his rudeness and no nonsense attitude, while still unnerving, made her feel a little bit more confident. True, it’d be a totally different thing when he was actually in the house, but, she did feel a little different. People popping around corners unexpectedly still made her jump as did loud noises, but, she hoped that would go away with time. Before going to bed, Kate had slipped downstairs to get ‘Much ado about nothing’ from her father’s collection.

As she went towards her room, she decided to peak in on Charlie and make sure he had everything he needed. She pushed the door open and tiptoed inside. He was asleep, with his feet tangled in the blanket. She shook her head and untangled it before tucking it loosely around Charlie. As she straightened up…her heart stopped dead in her tracks. Yes, the room was dark, but there was a light on wall by the door. And because of that, she was able to see the intruder in the room.

He held up his hand as if to warn her to be quiet, but she was unable to stop the scream from flying out of her mouth. “Shut the f**k up!” He hissed at her as he went towards her. Kate grabbed Charlie, being careful to cover his ears as she kept screaming to draw attention.

It worked. Mary opened the door and the man turned around and decided to get out of the nursery! He knocked Mary over and ran. Kate kept screaming for help as she hurried towards Mary. She extended her hand and asked. “Are you alright?”

“Yes.” Mary assured her. “Let me have the lad.”

Kate shakes her head. “I’ve got him. Where are the men?” The front door slammed, causing her and Mary to jump. “He’s getting away!” She ran down the hall to Thomas’s room to see a Bentley speeding away. Kate also happens to notice that Thomas’s car is back! Something’s wrong. She can feel it. Kate inhales and turns to Mary. “Go downstairs, find out where the men went!”

“Right away!” Mary hurried down the stairs as fast as she could. Kate followed behind her, holding onto a squalling Charlie. “Ma’am, you shouldn’t take him out of his room.”

Kate shakes her head. “I’m getting a gun from the library. Mr. Shelby’s car is out front, but he’s not inside, so something’s wrong.” 

That made Mary hurry and she went towards the downstairs, shouting for help. Kate went to the library and headed straight for the desk. George always kept his guns locked up, she hoped that Thomas took after her father and kept one in the drawer. She yanked open the right drawer and sure enough, there was the gun. She checked in and as she expected, it was loaded. She pushed the curtain back and peered outside. Yes, that was Mr. Shelby’s car, but he wasn’t there.

Then, she saw a shape on the ground, crawling towards the house and she knew it was him.

“Oh, God.” Kate hurried out of the library and turned on the lights in the entryway. She then unlocked the door and went outside. “Mr. Shelby?” he let out a groan as he looked up at her and she gasped at the sight of the blood trickling from the corner of his mouth. “Oh God!”

“Charlie?” he rasps.

“I’ve got him.” She hesitates and places her hand on his shoulder. He looks up and recognition flashes in his eyes. “He’s alright.”

“Charlie?” he groans and forces himself to his knees. He sits up, swaying slightly as he reached for Charlie, touching him. He exhales in relief. “He’s alright?”

“Yes.” She inhales. “Someone broke in the house and they were in Charlie’s room. I don’t know, if they were after---

He grabbed her by the arm and Kate screamed loudly. “Shut,” he groaned as he hauled himself to his feet. “the f**k up.”

She inhaled, her heart pounding violently in her throat. She understood that he needed help, but, a warning, or even asking would have been nice instead of just grabbing her out of the blue! Fortunately, Mary and his men showed up and he was ushered into the house. Kate inhaled and held onto Charlie tightly as she followed them into the house. She didn’t go into the library though. She carried Charlie upstairs and into her room. After what happened, she didn’t feel comfortable leaving him down the hall. Only after she dragged the cradle into her room, did anyone realize that she was missing. She closed the door to her room softly so she could claim that she didn’t hear anyone calling her. 

Just as she got Charlie to settle down, Mary came in the room. She looked disapprovingly at the cradle as she stated. “The boy belongs in the nursery.”

“He belongs somewhere safe.” She stated. “No one sleeps in the nursery. They could come back and grab him and no one would know!”

“They’re not coming back.” Mary stated. “And Mr. Shelby wants you downstairs.”

Kate nods. “Alright.” She lays Charlie down and hands him his stuffed rabbit. “Here you go.” She runs her hand through his hair, watching his exhausted eyes shut. She smiles before straightening up and heading towards the door. 

Mary went towards the crib and looked down at Charlie. “Mr. Shelby, will not approve.”

“Then go ahead and tell him.” 

She bit out as she grabbed her robe and pulled it on. It was late, she hadn’t expected people to come swarming out of nowhere. She went to her dresser and pulled out one of the many bags of ground yarrow that she kept on hand. She inhaled, exhaled and then descended the stairs. She passed through a group of disgruntled men, which made every hair on her body stand to attention. Fortunately, they moved so she could pass through. Still, it was nerve-wracking.

The moment she walked into the library, Thomas Shelby asks. “Where’s Charlie?”

“I put him to bed.” She inhaled before adding. “I-I moved the cradle, into my room, if, that’s all right.”

He exhales. “It’s alright.” He groans and holds his head in his hand. “I’ve got… things to do. You sleep with your door locked,” she didn’t know how he knew that. “so, I know he’s safe.”

He wasn’t mad at her. Relief filled her. She inhaled and set the gun on the desk. “I-I got your gun.”

He groans as he closes his eyes. “Yours…are in the car. There’s a box on the front seat with ammunition.”

She blinks in surprise. “You, actually bought me a gun?”

“Two.” He exhales. “I’ll have Mary bring them up to you.”

“Thank you, Mr. Shelby.” She swallowed and looked around the room. She took his ashtray and dumped the ashes into the bin. She could feel him watching her as she went to the bar and poured some water into the tray. From there, she poured the yarrow into the ashtray and stirred it with her finger He had a lot of blood, so, he’d need quite a bit of yarrow. She approached him and extended it to him. “Here.”

He looked at it. “What’s that?”

Yarrow.” She explained. “My housekeeper, Mrs. Hughes had several bags for me. It stops bleeding, immediately.”

He looked at the mix with distrust, but he nodded. “Alright.” He leaned back and she realized that he was expecting her to put it on him. She hesitated for a good minute before shuffling over towards him. He was breathing heavily and she could tell that he was in pain. As she leaned forward to put the paste on his hand, he spoke. “Promise not to touch you.”

She glanced at him, his eyes were closed and he appeared to be on the verge of falling asleep. Kate inhaled and began to place the mix on his open cuts. This stuff always worked perfectly. It’d stop the bleeding and reduce inflammation, but he needed a doctor.

"Did you get a look at them?"

She shook her head. "No, but, they weren't Italian. The car was a Bentley."

He exhales. "Right. I know who they are."

She hesitated before asking him. “Can I call the doctor?”

He shakes his head ever so slightly. “No. I’ve had worse than this.”

“But---

“I know what to do.” He stated calmly. “It’s alright.”

She bites her lip and continues administering the yarrow. He had cuts on his hands, a bloody nose, a bleeding lip, a cut near his eye, but it was the cut on his head that concerned her. It’s deep and bleeding profusely. She hesitates, but speaks up quietly in the end. “It’s your head wound, that worries me.”

He exhales. “I know. I’ll be fine.”

She hesitates and then asks. “What happened?”

“Nothing of importance.” He exhales as he closes his eyes. “I must rest.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t think you should---

“Just let me sleep.”

She hesitates before stating. “You may have a concussion.”

“I don’t.”

“Still,” she swallows. “someone should, wake you every few hours.”

He groaned. “I drove here from London…I’ll be fine.”

She sincerely doubted that, but, she didn’t want to argue with him. She inhaled as she asked. “Are you sleeping upstairs?”
“Down here.” He exhales deeply. “Just let me sleep.”

She didn’t want to, but she wasn’t going to argue with him anymore. By the time she finished applying the yarrow, he was sleeping. She cautiously checked his pulse, it seemed normal enough. She wasn’t sure how he drove her from London, but he did it. She inhaled as she stood up.

As she was exiting the library, she bumped into Mary. “Mr. Shelby doesn’t want to be disturbed.”

Mary shot her a look. “I need to talk to him.”

Kate shook her head. “No. He gave explicit orders---

“Did he tell you what he did? He fired all the men!” Kate blinked. “Some of them soldiers.”

She sighed. “It’s late, he’s tired and he needs to rest.”

Mary hisses. “He needs a doctor!”

“I know, but he seems to know what he needs.”

Mary shakes her head. “You don’t know that.”

Oh, but Kate did. She, like Thomas Shelby, seemed to know just how much their bodies could take. If he said that he didn’t need a doctor, then she had to believe him. She inhaled as she said. “I’ll be checking in on him, but go to bed Mary.” Mary went to move past her and Kate repeated firmly. “I said go to bed, Mary.” Mary paused, sizing her up, so she stated. “Go. Mr. Shelby put me in charge of things. Now go.”

Mary inhaled and exhaled deeply, clearly upset. Fortunately, she didn’t argue with Kate. She turned and stomped towards the servant’s quarters. Kate exhaled in relief as she walked out of the house. The car was still there, so she grabbed the box containing her guns and ammunition. As she walked back inside, she was struck as to this whole situation explained his attitude towards her. He needed someone to help hold this place together. She just didn’t think she had it in her to do that, but he was offering that opportunity to her. She hoped that she had the strength to live through more chaos, but maybe that’s what she was made for. 

Peace, it was a foreign word to her and a feeling that she would never be allowed to find again. This life of blood, guns and madness, it had chosen her. It had her by the throat and it would not let her go.

Chapter 18: A small fire

Two hours later, Kate tiptoed down the stairs, being careful not to disturb or wake Charlie. He’d finally fallen after being rocked. Mary had tried to check in on her, but Kate had already locked the door. Mary had left with a slight snap in her step. Kate made a note to ask Polly what was wrong with Mary. She didn’t want to ask Mr. Shelby because if Mary had a troubled past, she didn’t want to risk Mr. Shelby firing her.

Kate pushed the library door open to see he was still in the chair. He’d shifted around, so she knew that he was still moving. Swallowing past the nerves in her head, she stood in front of the chair and surveyed him. He looked tired. As near as she could tell in the dim lights, he wasn’t bleeding anymore.

She swallowed and said. “Mr. Shelby?” no response. She inhaled and shook his arm. “Mr. Shelby?” again, no response. She leaned forward and shook his shoulder. “Mr. Shelby?” she shook him a little harder. “Can you hear me?”

Suddenly, he was awake! 

He moves so fast that she didn’t get a moment to blink for he had her by the throat! Kate froze and stared at him while his fingers dug into her throat. Then her instinct to fight kicked in and she dug her fingers into his hand and struggled to pull his hand free. Somehow, he came out of it and he released her. She fell back, hitting her head on the desk as she gasped for air. He leaned forward and she sat up and scurried away from him, avoiding his touch. She couldn’t stop coughing and she was shaking. He was like a panther or some other cat of prey, he moved swiftly, effortlessly and fast. George had been sluggish and she always had a moment to ready herself. This time, she wasn’t ready.

“You alright?” He asked. She couldn’t answer him. She was still trying to catch her breath and hold back the hysterical screams that were fighting to make her way to her throat. If she screamed, she’d wake Charlie and that boy needed to sleep. He exhaled and stated in a tense, yet somehow, slightly annoyed voice. “I was in the war and sometimes, I get these dreams. I wasn’t here; I was back there. Do you understand me?” she could only nod. She knew, she understood, but that still didn’t mean that he hadn’t managed to scare her to death again. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

She knew that, she understood that, but she was still afraid of him. She got to her feet and rasped. “I’m…going back to bed.”

As she headed towards the door, he asked. “What were you doing in here?”

She swallowed and croaked. “Checking…on your concussion.”

“Go back to bed.” He didn’t even look at her as he stated. “If you come back again, don’t stand in front. Stand behind the chair. Understood?”

She nodded. “Yes Sir.”

She was halfway up the stairs when she realized that she’d called him ‘Sir’ again and this time, he hadn’t even bothered to correct her. She hurried to her room and locked the door. She made her way to the water pitcher and drank two glasses to soothe her sore throat. This wasn’t the first time she’d been privy to an episode like this, but it was her first time being at the mercy of a man not fully aware of his actions or anything else going on around him. 

One of George’s friends, while staying over, had a very back episode and gone running through the house. Took four men to subdue him before he came back to himself. She remembered the look in his eyes and Thomas had the same look when he grabbed her. Lawrence, that was his name. George had thrown her naked into Lawrence’s room and told Lawrence he could have her for the night to get all that out of his head. Kate had stood up, fully expecting to be violated to the fullest. Lawrence, however, had instead told her that he wanted to be alone. She’d explained that George wouldn’t like it if she came back. Lawrence, was the first and only man to refuse to use her. He offered her his shirt, which she’d accepted. Even though they shared the bed, he let her sleep undisturbed for the first time in a long time. That had probably been the one kindness he’d given her. When she’d woken up, Lawrence was gone and George had taken his place in the bed.

She shook her head, clearing that memory out of her head. She needed to focus on Mr. Shelby and what he did from now on. Remembering George wouldn't help her. He and George were the same, yet very different animals. George was probably a lion, lazy and lumbering, expecting to be waited on hand and foot. Thomas was like a tiger, silent but deadly. She’d read that tigers became even more dangerous after having developed a taste for human flesh. He hadn’t developed a taste for her yet, but she knew that once he did, it would be hell for her. He hadn’t even apologized to her. He’d nearly choked her to death! Yes, it had been an accident, but still, an apology would have been nice.

She turned and spotted Charlie in the cradle and the sight of him managed to slow her rapidly beating heart. She set the glass down and looked at him. As if sensing her there, he turned from his stomach to his back and looked up at her. God, she hated this. Her natural instinct had been to protect this precious little boy. She didn’t realize that by allowing him into her room that maybe she’d be allowing her heart to cross over into a boundary that was forbidden.

She turned to walk away, right as he let out a loud cry. She exhaled and debated picking him up or not. But when she turned towards him, he was standing up, bouncing anxiously. Boy, he had a wail when he was upset. Kate ignored the warning her head was giving her and went with her heart. She picked him up and bounced him. “Shh,” she shushed him gently as she walked around the room. “it’s alright. We’re alright.”

She didn’t know why she was saying we, maybe she was trying to assure herself and him that they were both all right. But she didn’t know how she could even be possible. There had been hope, a small sliver of hope, but the moment Mr. Shelby had grabbed her throat, she realized that she was in still as much danger as she was being married to George. The only difference here was that Mr. Shelby might not be fully aware of what he is doing to her on occasion. That made it even worse. George had been aware and he’d plan things out. Someone not aware of what they were doing made things worse than someone who did because how could you be angry with someone who didn’t know what they were doing?

Charlie finally settled and Kate knew that he had to be missing his mother. Despite Mr. Shelby’s concerns, his son did miss his mother very much. She couldn’t be a replacement, but her stupid heart was reminding her that she most likely would never, ever have children and Charlie would be the closest that she could ever get to having a baby. Mr. Shelby, would obviously take her to his bed in two years, providing he didn’t move the time frame up. She would be very surprised if he didn’t have her in his bed by Christmas. He seemed like the kind of man who changed his mind frequently. She wondered about the contract and a part of her said that he’d probably only agreed to it to knock her off her guard. But as Charlie let out a gurgle on her shoulder, Kate knew that she was stuck her with Mr. Shelby and whatever his plans were because she knew that she couldn’t leave his boy. With Mr. Shelby’s lifestyle, it was very clear that clear that Charlie did need someone around him. She was fairly sure that she couldn’t give him another brother, but she could give him herself. She didn’t have much to give, but it had to be better than nothing.

Kate had fallen asleep, only to wake up many hours later and realize that she hadn’t woken up Mr. Shelby. Reluctantly, she forced herself to her feet and went downstairs. She remembered what he said and stood behind the chair and shook him awake. He awoke with a curse and she just fled the library. She didn’t ask him if he was alright, it was just important to know that he hadn’t fallen into a coma. She went back to her room, locked the door and fell asleep. 

When she awoke, the sun was just starting to rise. She unlocked the door and went down the hall. She was nearing the stairs when she realized that Mary was up. She opened her mouth, but Mary cut her off. “Mr. Shelby, has left.”

Kate blinked in surprise. “Did he go to a doctor?”

“He asked for tea and then left.” Kate shook her head and turned to continue going downstairs. That man, was beyond stubborn. No, it was more than that, it was almost as if he had a death wish and he was willing to push himself to death. “I don’t know what you did,” Mary said, causing her to turn around to face her. “to get that man to marry you, but you should be ashamed of yourself!” 

Kate stared at her in surprise. “Excuse me?”

“I’ve been the housekeeper of this house, for nearly twenty years.” Mary stated firmly. “There’s not much that gets past me. I don’t know what crime you committed,” Kate’s jaw dropped. “that forced him to get saddled to you, but it’s indecent! Taking advantage of a grieving widower with his wife barely cold in the ground!”

“That’s enough,” Kate stated. “I’m the lady of the house now. And you don’t have the authority to talk to me like that.”

Mary shakes her head. “Lady of the house. You’re nothing more than a shadow in this house. You have no real authority and you’ll never be that boy’s mother!” 

Kate stared. “I wasn’t---

“Moving him into your room.” She shakes her head. “That won’t lure Mr. Shelby there because he, like you knows, that his wife,” Mary points at the portrait of Grace on the wall. “will always be the lady of the house and he belongs to her. So does that little boy. You’re nothing more, than the mistress, pretending to be the wife. But every single member on this staff knows that you’re nothing.”

“Enough!” Kate said with as much firmness as she could muster up. Mary’s words hurt, but she knew that they were true. Kate inhaled. “I understand, that you’re concerned for Mr. Shelby---

“Someone should be.” She stated. “Since you’ve managed to turn his aunt against him.”

“But our relationship, is none of your business.” Kate said firmly. “And if you mention this to me again, I will have a word with Mr. Shelby and we will discuss your future.”

Mary shook her head. “So you say, but you and I both know that you don’t have it in you to run a house like this. He knows is at as well.”

She doesn’t know why she said it, but Kate snapped. “As soon as Mr. Shelby gets back, you are to inform him that I have given you notice.” Mary didn’t even blink. Kate inhaled and stated. “Get Polly Gray on the phone.”

Mary shakes her head. “Had Mr. Shelby wished for you to contact his family, he’d have given you a book of emergency numbers.”

Kate had enough of this. She went down the stairs and bumped into one of the maids. “Excuse me,” she stated. “Mary has been dismissed, effective immediately.” The woman’s jaw dropped. “You are to oversee her packing and I want her off the property within the hour.”

The maid curtsied. “Yes, Mrs. Shelby.”

“You, cannot fire me.” Mary stated.

“I most certainly can! Mr. Shelby and I may not have a traditional marriage, but we are married!” The moment she said that, it was if she were finally admitting that they were husband and wife. Husband and wife, a title that was supposed to hold a special meaning. It didn't, there were no feelings between them, but there was a power in acknowledging that bond. Kate inhaled. “If she refuses, have her removed from the premises by force!”

Mary laughed at her. “You can order this, but Mr. Shelby won’t allow this. You’ll see,” Mary turned and walked away with a smile on her lips. “I’ll be back in this house before the day is over.”

Kate shook her head and turned towards the maid. Kate cleared her throat. “Please, make sure that Charlie’s breakfast is brought up to him. He’ll be waking soon.”

“Yes, Mrs. Shelby and,” the maid hesitated. “Mr. Shelby pays his operator in exchange for privacy. You can just pick up the phone and ask for them to connect you to Mrs. Gray.”

Kate smiled appreciatively at her. “Thank you very much.”

“Mr. Shelby,” Mary said. “didn’t want her contacting his family. There’s a reason why he kept their numbers away from her.”
Kate felt a prickling in her chest begin to burn until her very being was on fire. “Get out of this house!” when Mary finally had the common sense to look concerned, Kate realized that she was angry. She inhaled rapidly and turned to the maid. “I want her gone in 15 minutes!”

“Yes ma’am!” the maid hurried off and Kate went towards the library. She picked up the telephone and asked the operator to call Polly Gray.

Her heart was pounding in her throat and Kate realized that this was the first time in years that her temper had been allowed to flare freely. It was strange, as if a lock inside her had been broken and everything she’d been holding back was going to start coming through her freely.

Hello?

She inhaled at the sound of Polly’s voice. “Hello. It’s Kate.”

Kate? Polly sounded beyond shocked. Good God, are you alright?

“I’m alright.” She inhaled. “Mr. Shelby is gone and I need your help with something. It’s not an emergency.”

I’m all ears. Even though Kate couldn’t see her, she was fairly certain that there was a smile on Polly’s face at this moment.

Chapter 19: Silent decision

It was a week later when Polly showed up with Arthur. Kate hadn’t been surprised, Polly said it would take her a few days, but she wasn’t surprised. Getting George’s housekeeper, Mrs. Hughes, would take time. Mary, called occasionally, trying to find Thomas, but he hadn’t returned. She’d wondered about Thomas a little bit, but Polly hadn’t contacted her, so she figured he was away on business and his injuries, as he’d declared, hadn’t really been that bad. If there had been an emergency, she’d have been told. Besides, George would do this, go off for days without a word and show up, so it wouldn’t be abnormal.

It was noon when Polly and Arthur finally showed up with Mrs. Hughes. Kate stepped out of the house with Charlie on her hip and Amanda, the maid, behind her. Kate inhaled, her heart bubbling over in her chest at the sight of her. Mrs. Hughes hurried right up to her and asked. “Are you alright? Are you safe here?” Mrs. Hughes clearly didn’t care if Arthur and Polly heard her. “He doesn’t hurt you?”

“I’m fine.” Kate nods, not wanting to worry Mrs. Hughes. “I’m safer here than I ever was at George’s house.”

Mrs. Hughes shakes her head. “That’s not convincing me.”

“I forgot, I can’t hide anything from you.” She exhaled. “He did have a nightmare and choked me, but it was an accident. And,” she hesitated before adding quietly. “he wants another child.”

Mrs. Hughes shakes her head. “Does he know?”

She shakes her head and whispers. “I can’t tell him yet, I don’t know him.”

“Do you want to leave?” Mrs. Hughes asks directly. “I’ll bundle you off to Scotland myself.”

Kate laughs lightly before admitting honestly. “Not yet. He said he’s allowing me time and space, so we can get to know each other. He says that he won’t force me but…I’m still skeptical.”

“Same, but that’s better, I suppose.” Mrs. Hughes exhaled before turning her gaze to Charlie. “And this is his lad?”

Kate nods and hands him over. “Yes, this is Charlie.”

Mrs. Hughes smiles at her. “Well, he’s a lovely and welcome surprise. Handsome isn’t he?” Charlie laughed, causing them both to smile. “Lovely blue eyes.”

Kate nods. “Apparently, he gets those from Mr. Shelby.”

“He’ll be trouble,” Polly predicts. “when he starts to learn that girls aren’t boys.”

“Ah,” Mrs. Hughes inquires. “is Mr. Shelby a man with the ladies?”

“Used to be.” Arthur stated. “Settled down.”

Kate rolls her eyes and drops her gaze, which Mrs. Hughes and Polly both notice. Polly clears her throat. “I want a minute to talk with Kate, in private.”

“Alright,” Kate turned. “we can talk in the library.”

“No, we’ll talk right here.”

“All right.” Kate exhaled and nodded as she turned to Mrs. Hughes. “I’ll be inside in a minute Mrs. Hughes. Amanda will give you a tour of the place.”

“Alright.” Mrs. Hughes turns to Amanda and states. “I want to know everything that goes on in this place, down to the last time the floors were polished!”

Kate laughs lightly and turns back to Polly, who exhales. “She’s very inquisitive.”

Kate nods. “She ran a very tight household and she took care to make sure that I was safe on days when George wasn’t around. So, I trust her explicitly. Mr. Shelby may trust Mary, but she’s too argumentative.”

“I don’t care about that right now.” Polly crossed her arms as she stepped closer and asked in a lower voice. “If Sabini wasn’t there…then who the Hell did she need to protect you from?”

Kate really didn’t want to discuss this with Polly, but she wasn’t going to be rude. So, she said simply. “He wasn’t the only man in the house.”

Polly’s eyes flashed as she asked. “What do you mean by that?”

Kate exhaled. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Polly, however, put two and two together. “You’re talking about the footmen? The chauffeur?” Kate kept her gaze diverted because Polly was like a shark. “Tommy said you talked to him, the two of you understand each other.” It wasn’t really a matter of understanding. More like he wasn’t a man who didn’t want to guess. If he asked a question, he wanted answers. That’s all it was, it wasn’t that she wanted to answer him, she felt compelled to answer him. “Does he know?”

“Know what?”

“Know that George wasn’t the only one?” Kate said nothing. “Did he know that you’ve had to be on your guard for every day of your life?” again, she refused to answer. Polly exhaled. “You’re a damn brick wall sometimes. Your father wasn’t lying when he said that you can lie and make it hard for people to get a read on you and he was right.” Again, Kate didn’t react. Polly exhaled. “Fine, I’ll get back to the original discussion. What was that look for? Is Thomas cheating on you?”

She didn’t mind answering this question. “It’s not necessarily cheating---

“The two of you are husband and wife.”

“In name only.”

“I don’t care.” Polly stated. “Is he, and how do you know?”

“He told me.” Polly’s eyes widened. “It’s alright, I don’t mind.”

“I mind.”

“I do not. There was one woman here, but, he said it was business.”

Polly nodded. “That’d be the Russian duchess.” Suddenly she jolted. “F**k! I forgot, Lizzie mentioned he was coming to her at night. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not.”

“It is,” she says. “because I don’t want to be with him.”

Polly nods before stating. “He wouldn’t force you. He'd help you.”

“I don’t care.” She exhales. “I just thought it funny how his brother didn’t know that,” she let out a faint laugh. “that his brother has two mistresses.”

Polly glowers at her. “You’ve a very peculiar sense of humor. I’ll talk to him.”

“I don’t want you to.” She repeated. “It’s alright. Better her than me. Besides, to expect him to go for two years without…release, is, ridiculous.”

“No, it’s called being a decent husband.”

“I know what I’ve married into.” She points out. “If I wanted decent, I’d have married a preacher, not a gangster. I know, what to expect.”

Polly shakes her head as she states. “No, you don’t. You know what you’re familiar with, but he won’t be expecting like what you’re expecting.” Polly clears her throat. “We have to go now. I hope Mrs. Hughes is a better fit than Mary.”

“I hope so. Thank you, very much for bringing her.”

“From what you told us about Mary, she wasn’t a suitable fit.” Kate nods as Polly states. “We’ve got to be going.”

“Alright.” Kate bites her lip, hesitating before asking as Polly reaches Arthur. “Uhm, Polly?” Polly and Arthur paused. “Do you know when Mr. Shelby will return? Charlie’s been asking for him every night.” 

Polly turned to Arthur who took off his hat. “Oh f**k, no one told her.”

“Clearly.” Polly stated.

She frowned. “Told me what? Is something wrong?”

Polly glanced at Arthur, who nodded. “Thomas is in the hospital.” Ok, she hadn’t been expecting to hear that. “He’ll be there for at least three months.”

Kate blinked. “I-I don’t understand. I knew he had a concussion, but he said he was alright. He-he kept waking up each time I checked on him throughout the night.”

“Yeah,” Arthur said. “Tommy lies a lot.”

“The concussion was just part of the problem.” Polly said. “He had a skull fracture, some internal bleeding and he hemorrhaged. Ada said he lost his sight as well.”

Kate inhaled sharply as she was filled with guilt. “Is he going to be alright?”

“Yes.” Polly nodded. “The doctor’s say he’s out of danger for now, but, he’s got a long recovery.”

She bites her lip and says. “When would be a good time for Charlie to visit him? He misses him.”

Polly and Arthur blink. “Well, I don’t think that’s necessary.”

Arthur nods. “Yeah, he won’t want Charlie seeing him like that.”

“Don’t even want us seeing him like that.”

Kate exhaled and said quietly. “I-I don’t really, want to see him myself, but… Charlie has just lost his mother. He’s been asking for his father. So, Charlie needs to see him.”

Polly looks at Arthur, who nods. “We’re on our way there now, but, I don’t think he wants to see you.”

“I know, but…his boy does. That’s more important.” She inhaled. “I-I’ll get Charlie and my purse. Ok?”

Polly nods. “We’ll wait for you.”

---

He hated this.

He felt weak and his head ached. He’d been stuck in that bed for a week and now, the doctor said he wanted him to stand, but he didn’t have the strength. “Just brace yourself,” the doctor advised. “and put your weight on me.” 

Oh, he made that sound so f**king easy. He couldn’t stand. He’d been hurt before, but it was nothing like this. Hughes had him nearly beaten to death and he'd thought he could handle it. It was only when he'd awoken the next morning that he'd realized that there was something incredibly wrong. Still, he had work to do and he couldn't be stopped, not when Charlie's life was at risk.

There was a tap on the door and a nurse came in. “You have visitors, Mr. Shelby.”

He exhales, anger and frustration building up inside him. He did not need to be seen like this. “Tell them to clear out.”
The nurse nods. “Alright.” She turns. “Miss, you can’t be in here.”

“I’m holding a baby,” he knew that voice. It was Kate’s, but it sounded different somehow. Much firmer, no shake in her voice. “obviously, I’m not a Miss.”

“Ma’am---

he looked up as Kate pushed past the nurse, a slightly determined walk in her step. He would have ordered her out, but she had Charlie. Kate cleared her throat as she walked up to him and his bed. She swallowed and said softly. “Hello.”

He didn’t answer her. His doctor did. “You must be, Mrs. Shelby.” Kate simply nodded. “Mr. Shelby is in the middle of his exercises. Perhaps you should come back later?”

“Alright, but,” she inhaled. “in a moment. I brought Charlie.”

He exhaled deeply. “Get Charlie, out of here.”

“Dada.” Charlie said in that ridiculously soft baby-voice that always made his hard heard go soft.

“He’s been calling for you, every night.” God, he didn’t need to know that. He looked up at his boy to see Charlie holding a hand out for him. Clearly, trying to get free from Kate to get to him. “Hey,” Kate said softly, a slightly uneasy smile on her face, most likely because she was terrified out of her mind but putting on a good face for Charlie. “just wait. Daddy’s going to stand up and hold you in a minute.”

He exhaled before inhaling and grabbing onto the doctor’s hand tightly. He closed his eyes, inhaled, exhaled and inhaled again before forcing himself to his feet. This time …he was able to stand up. The doctor placed a hand on his back, bracing him as he swayed on his legs for a moment. To his surprise, Kate stepped forward and moved so she was bracing him while balancing Charlie on one hip. He placed his hand on her neck and she shuddered. A full body shudder than ran down her spine, but she didn’t move.

He exhaled and said quietly. “Charlie.” She turned Charlie towards him so he could hold onto him. He was heavier than he’d last held him, so it was a bit hard. Kate kept a hand on Charlie’s back, bracing him so he could hold onto his boy.

He was going to get out of here. No matter what happened, he was going to get out and keep living. He had a reason to keep living. He had his son to live for. He had a wife. True, she didn’t love him and he didn't love her, but they both loved his boy. He didn’t know what had happened in this week that he was lying here, but he could see it. She loved his boy that meant she was staying with him. They were going to have to carve out a life together and the fact that she was here…meant that she was willing to try it with him.

He just wasn't sure how that would even be possible when he was still so very much in love with Grace.

Chapter 20: Morphine moods

Three months later,

---

Today, was his first day being back at his house and he didn’t recognize it. He didn’t realize just how different thing could became in three short months. The house practically gleamed and the staff seemed to be moving more efficiently. She’d redecorated in his absence, with his permission. She’d brought color into the house and plants. He’d told her to stay out of his room and library, which she’d agreed to do. The only thing she hadn’t told him about was that, he had a different housekeeper. Kate hadn’t told him that she’d fired Mary until this Mrs. Hughes greeted them at the door He’d asked Kate who she was and she’d simply said Mrs. Hughes. As it was late, he hadn’t questioned her, but he could tell from the look on her face that she was scared to talk to him about Mrs. Hughes. He decided to talk to her in the morning as he was tired from the trip to get back home. He’d gone up to his room and fallen asleep with the aid of morphine.

However, when he awoken this morning, it was clear that things were changing with him. Kate had put Charlie in the bed next to him. Normally, that wouldn’t have been an issue, except the he’d taken morphine. Now, that hadn’t been a problem in the hospital, but something about being home was playing with his mind. He didn’t know if it was the bed or that f**king perfume that Kate wore. She wore light floral scents, he’d noticed it when she showed up every Friday for these three months with Charlie. She’d allowed him to touch her to maintain his balance, but she still twitched in discomfort at his touch. He hadn’t noticed this perfume until he was trapped in the car with her last night. She wore this sweet, honey scented perfume and the smell had stayed with him into his dreams. 

Oh, f**k! His dreams! That dream of her last night had given him a f**king hard-on. She hadn’t noticed, she’d been playing quietly with Charlie, so she hadn’t given him a glance in that area. Not that she would have been thinking that he was having bolts of lust about her but he was a man after all! A beautiful woman at that, as far as he could tell. He wasn’t necessarily in love with her, nor completely attracted to her. Well, that was a lie again as his body reminded him, she was his wife, but he couldn’t touch her. If he laid a hand on her she’d take off running and he wouldn’t even blame her.

He’d had a moment to talk to Polly and Polly had confided in him that George hadn’t been the only man to hurt her. She suspected that other men, such as those on staff had been allowed to violate her. He remembered his conversation with Darby and it made him wonder if he’d also violated Kate. If Polly’s suspicions were correct, Kate’s ‘husband’ had turned her into an unwilling ‘whore’. Whore, was definitely not how he’d describe her, but he was starting to get a hunch that she’d been forced to do many things that she hadn’t wanted to do with several men. It explained why she was so skittish around men and it made his blood boil to think that Sabini and his brother had hurt this girl so much. Kate was quiet and timid that the word ‘virginal’ often came to mind when he looked at her. Even though he knew she wasn’t, there was a beauty and innocence about her that Sabini hadn’t managed to strip from her and he wouldn’t be the one to take it from her. 

Tonight, he, John, Arthur and Alfie were going to Tatiana’s. They were spending the night and he’d spend it buried in a willing Tatiana. He felt a small twinge of guilt for going off and spending another night in the bed of another woman, but Kate wasn’t willing. If she agreed to let him willingly into her bed, that would be a miracle. To achieve that miracle, he needed to build up her trust in him. He, however, wasn’t the kind of man who had much patience. He was used to people taking him and his word to her. She didn’t. She expected or rather, needed, words, actions and grand gestures. All things that he wasn’t capable of giving her.

Today, he sat at the table looking at the large array of food. He wasn’t hungry. He poured his medicine down the drain. He needed a clear head tonight and his body needed to give up the illusion that it was attracted to Kate. Especially when he had no intention of putting a hand on her like that for another five months. He'd started planning out what he was going to do to her while he was in the hospital. It wouldn't be easy, she was going to fight him all the time, but she needed to learn bit by bit that she was alright.

“You sent for me, Mr. Shelby?” he looked up to see her sweep into the room. Kate never tried to look like she was the lady of the house and that was probably another problem of hers. He had too much on his plate now and her attire wasn’t one more thing he needed to deal with.

He nodded. “Sit down.”  Kate nodded and moved to sit at the far end of the table. He shook his head. “Come here.”

She swallowed and did as he requested. He could see that she still did things out of habit and while a part of him wished that she had the will to fight him, the other half was glad that she didn’t. She needed to get used to him, to his presence and if she stayed at the far end of the table, his plan wouldn’t be set in motion.

 She moved the chair to his right hand back and sat down uneasily. She inhaled, waiting patiently as he lit a cigarette. “Did you spill your medicine? Mrs. Hughes says your morphine bottle was empty.”

Just what he wanted to talk about. He exhaled deeply as he leaned back in his chair for a moment. “I poured it down the drain.”

She shook her head. “Mr. Shelby, you know that the doctor said that you needed to take that. You’re still in pain and you could do yourself an injury.”

Her concern was cute, but unnecessary. He wanted to tell her that, but that wasn’t what came out of his mouth. “Do you know how to ride a horse?”

she frowned, clearly confused by the subject change. “Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

“Ever ridden one naked?” she blinked in surprise, then her eyes widened in pure shock. Hard to believe that anything like this could shock her. “Cause when I take the morphine…that’s what I see.” His voice dropped low and her face heated in embarrassment. “I’m wide awake, you’re naked on top of me, riding me like I’m a f**king horse.”

Her face heated violently. “Mr. Shelby---

“Want to know what happens next?”

“No, I do not!”

God, she looked lovely when she was flustered. Or at least, that’s what he assumed she was. She could be embarrassed or angry, but he’s fairly certain that she’s flustered. “Neither do I." That was a lie. He did know what happened and That’s why,” he exhaled. “I poured the medicine away.”

Her voice cracked. “Thank…you.”

He nods. “No problem.” At that moment, Mrs. Hughes walked into the room. “Mrs. Hughes.” He stated directly. “My wife, had no business hiring you without my permission.”

“I don’t care.” Mrs. Hughes stated as she crossed her arms. He nearly smiled at her protective nature. “I stood by her when George and whatever man was in the house put her through the ringer. I’ve pulled her up off the floor more times than I can mention and helped put her back together. I don’t care if I have to work here for free, I am not leaving her.”

He exhales as he nods. “Polly said as much. I am going to allow you to stay here,” he saw Kate visibly relax. “but I’ll tell you like I’ve told all my other staff. I expect loyalty.”

“I’m loyal to her.” Mrs. Hughes states. “That means you have my loyalty as long as you treat her well.”

That, was always going to be questionable. He exhaled deeply. “Tonight, have my room made up for her.” Kate instantly started shaking her head and Mrs. Hughes frowned slightly at him. “She’ll sleep there tonight. Is that understood?”

“No.” Kate said instantly. “I am not sleeping in your room.”

He ignored her and addressed Mrs. Hughes. “I won’t be back till tomorrow, so, on nights when I’m gone, she’s to sleep there so she can get familiar with it.” 

Mrs. Hughes asked him directly. “And why would I do that?”

“Because in 5 months, she’ll be joining me in there. Next year, we’re going to be trying for a baby.” Kate started to blanche. “I know, that she’s already told you the terms of this marriage, but she isn’t going to get there on her own without a little push now and then.”

“She’s been pushed around enough.” Mrs. Hughes exhaled. “I won’t stand for her being hurt.”

“Oh, I know.” He stated. “That’s why, I’m going to let you stay on.” Kate and Mrs. Hughes relaxed slight. “You can keep an eye on her, take care of her, but in the end, you work for me and I pay your salary. If I’m not satisfied, you will be let go and I will hire Mary back.”

“Mr. Shelby---

he ignored Kate. “Is that understood?”

“Yes Mr. Shelby.” Mrs. Hughes nods. “I’ll make sure that your room is ready for her every night that you’re not at home.”

Kate turns and stares at her. “Mrs. Hughes!”

“He won’t be here.” Mrs. Hughes stated. “I don’t like to make you uncomfortable, but this will not hurt you and it'd be good for you to get used to his chambers.”

Kate shook her head. “I don’t---

“Thank you, Mrs. Hughes.” He stated. “You’re dismissed.”

Mrs. Hughes nodded and walked out of the room. Kate, she was shaking a little bit, her hands were clenching the chair armrests but she hadn’t bolted upright. Once Mrs. Hughes left, she immediately inquired. “Am I being punished for firing Mary? Is that it?”

“No.” he exhaled as he stood up. “In five months time, you will be moving into my room and sharing a bed with me for a year. Are you ready for that?”

she inhaled and shook her head. “You know, that I’m not.”

“Which is why,” he stated calmly. “you’ll spend the night in my room, alone. You can get used to it without me being there. It’ll make it easier for you.”

She shakes her head. “You said that you wouldn’t force me.”

“And you,” he reminded her. “said that you’d try.” 

She inhaled and croaked. “When the time came.”

“And when that day comes,” he points out. “I don’t want you to be scared that I’m going to hurt you.” He couldn’t help but add. “You might actually enjoy it.”

She lets out a sharp laugh as she shakes her head. “God, you can be such a jerk.”

She had no clue. “I just know a few things.” He knew many things. Kate probably never had it soft or gentle in her entire life. All he had to do, was keep it slow, talk to her and she’d soon be under him, moaning as he f**ked her so that she was out of her mind. He cleared his throat and turned to walk out of the room. God, he hated morphine! He did not need to have the sound of her moaning in his head, especially with Solomons on the way over! “I’ll be back around noon tomorrow.”

“We’re not done discussing this.” She stated. 

“I am.” He ignored her and kept walking out of the room. 

“Why can’t you just be content with some whore?”

oh, she had a bit of fire in her. “Because if I wanted a whore, I’d pay for it. But we’re married now. I have a right to you as you have a right to me, but you’ll enjoy it much more if you’re not scared of me.”

“I don’t like sex, Mr. Shelby!” the words just burst out of her. “Why can’t you understand that?”

“You didn’t like it with him.” He stated as he went towards the door. “You’ll like it with me.”

“Excuse me?!” she half-shrieked. “What the, who the, why are you---

there was more outraged stammering. Suddenly, there was a large crash and he looked to see his breakfast on the floor. He didn’t care about the food, but those dishes happened to be the set that Grace picked out for them. And she’d just smashed them to pieces. 

“What’d you do that for?” he asked, fighting the urge to strangle her.

“Because I can’t throw it at your head!” She snaps furiously at him. “Who the hell says anything like that?!”

he couldn’t answer her, not when he was this angry. So he turned and walked out of the room before he was tempted to remind her that she was his property. He didn’t want to treat her like that, but he had a distinct feeling that she was going to be like a wild horse. She’d fight him every minute of it, but in the end, he would break her to his will. But in the end, she’d be begging for him and his cock and he was going to make her his wife in a way that had never crossed Sabini's sick mind. He walked outside and to his disdain…he had another f**king hard on because of that woman. Something in her eyes, the way they sparked despite her fear, called to him and he didn't know why. Ugh, it was the damn morphine, that's all it was and once it worked it's way through his system, all would be back to normal.

Chapter 21: Words of wisdom

That evening,

---

The tap on the door filled her with dread. “Go away.”

“I can’t do that.” Mrs. Hughes said from the other side. “Mr. Shelby gave me the key, but, I figured that you’d be reasonable and unlock the door for me.” Kate said nothing. Mrs. Hughes exhaled. “Are you going to let me in or do I have to unlock the door?”

Kate didn’t want to unlock the door, but she didn’t want to make things difficult on Mrs. Hughes, especially since she’d done so much to help her around the house. The house was finally starting to feel like a home instead of a prison during Mr. Shelby’s absence. Then he’d returned and she was reminded that once again, the husband was the lord and master over the house. The moment he'd left the dining room, she'd retired to her room where she stayed all day. It was her one place where she could have absolute privacy. Now, that honor had been taken away from her.

She sighed and got out of bed. “I’m coming.” She felt as if once again, she was about to burst into tears and she’d hated this. She’d finally started getting a taste of freedom and Mr. Shelby had yanked it away from her.

She unlocked the door and there stood Mrs. Hughes with a lamp in her hand. “Come on,” she said with a smile. “it’s alright. He really isn’t home.”

“He could come back early.”

“I already asked him about that. He said that they wouldn’t be leaving until dawn. But if they did return early, that he’d go to the library couch.”

That still didn’t give her much comfort. “I’m surprised that he confided in you.”

Mrs. Hughes shrugs. “He assured me that he doesn’t wish or you to be uncomfortable around him forever. That it’d be better for his boy if the two of you were able to be, well, companionable at least.”

She frowned. “He used that word?”

Mrs. Hughes shook her head. “No. He couldn’t find the word, I used it and he agreed.”

“But he wants me to have another baby.” She points out. “That is anything but companionable!”

“I know.” Mrs. Hughes pushes open the door to Mr. Shelby’s room. Kate hesitates as she takes in the sight of his room. This was the one room she’d never been in. It was full of dark wood and various shades of brown and cream. She didn’t like it. It wasn’t right, she felt as if she was intruding. “Well,” Mrs. Hughes stated as she looked around the room. “you’ll have to get your hands on this place. Not a speck of color in here.” Kate said nothing and Mrs. Hughes placed a hand on her back. “It’s alright.”

She hated this. She hated being forced and she hated that Mrs. Hughes had not only talked to Mr. Shelby in private, but she agreed with him! And that was beyond confusing for her. She couldn’t understand it. Mrs. Hughes had her back for two years, so why did she give in to Mr. Shelby within two minutes of meeting him? Mrs. Hughes drew back the covers and Kate sat on the edge of the bed.

“It’s alright.” Mrs. Hughes assured her. “I’m going to be right there, on that couch if you need me. Come on,” she guided Kate to lay down on the bed. “it’s alright.” Kate inhaled sharply, fighting back the tears. Mrs. Hughes drew the covers up to her chin and smiled at her. “You’re alright. Try and get some sleep.”

She shook her head as the words suddenly burst out of her. “I can’t!”

“Why?” Mrs. Hughes sat on the edge of the bed.

“Because the whole bed smells like him!” she inhaled rapidly as panic began to build in her chest. “I-I want to go to my room.”

“Shh, it’s alright.”

“No,” she shakes her head. “no, it’s not alright! I told him, I don’t want this, but he doesn’t care!”

“He is trying to help you.”

“It doesn’t feel like it.” She inhaled deeply. “He keeps…pushing and pulling me.”

“And you’re not ready for it.”

She nods. “That’s right.”

Mrs. Hughes exhales. “Alright, after you went up to your room, I asked Mr. Shelby if I could talk with him. He agreed.” Mrs. Hughes gripped her hand. “We had a long talk. He asked about how….he treated you during those two years. I told him, if he wanted to know everything that he needed to ask you. But,” she exhales. “he does know a few things. So, you have been letting him know.”

“No.” She shakes her head. “He, guesses. I don’t know how, but he just does.”

Mrs. Hughes was silent for a moment. “Have the two of you talked to each other?”

“We’ve talked. I’ve told him that---

“Not about your past and future plans for living together. Have the two of you talked about each other?”

Kate frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“Where was he born? How many siblings does he have? Does he have a favorite book or where’d he go to school? Those kinds of things?”

She inhaled as she shook her head. “We don’t have that kind of…relationship between us.”

“The two of you should.” Mrs. Hughes says. “You visited him every Saturday with his son for three months. What did the two of you talk about?”

She bit her lip. “We didn’t talk about anything other than Charlie.”

Mrs. Hughes nods. “Alright. So, the two of you are virtually strangers. You don’t like to talk until you feel comfortable around people.” She laughs faintly. “Took you nearly four months to trust me.”

Kate nodded. “When you pulled the footman off me---

“I knew you trust me, you didn’t trust me fully, but I could see that you wanted to.” She smiled as she ran her hand through her hair. “I see that same look when you talk to him. You want to trust him, but---

“He wants, a baby.” She inhales as she croaks. “And he knows, he knows, how hard…it’s impossible. I can’t do it.”

“He thinks you can.” Mrs. Hughes says. “He didn’t say it in so many words, but, he does admire you.”

Kate snorts. “I don’t believe it.”

“I know. He admires that you're still standing. But I know exactly what kind of man he is. He hates his authority being challenged, which is why I didn’t fight for that. It was a harmless enough request that he asked of you.”

She shakes her head. “Nothing with him, is harmless. He’s too like George to suit me.”

Mrs. Hughes smiles. “I thought the same thing at first, but because I’m part of the staff, I’ve been privy to things that you’re not.”

“Like what?” 

“No one, here has ever been treated unfairly. He’s actually come to the defense of his staff over guests in the house. Unlike George, he’s given orders that none of the staff, particularly the male staff are to lay a hand on you, much less speak to you! Did you know that?”

Kate nods. “Yes.”

“So he knows, that this is beyond difficult for you and he is trying to make this a safe place for you.”

“Then why is he forcing me to do this, then?” She asks. “He knows I don’t want this, but he’s pushing it anyway and he knows I’ll obey him.”

Mrs. Hughes exhales. “I did ask him that and he didn’t answer it. I thought about it and I think I know why.” Kate inhales as she wipes away the tears on her cheeks. “He lost, his whole world when his wife died. He still loves her very much. But one day,” she says softly. “he is going to wake up and realize that you’re his wife. He’s your husband. The two of you, have a child that has both his parents and his obligation is towards that child.” Kate inhales raggedly as Mrs. Hughes paused a moment. “You know, it’s not fair that a boy like him be left alone in a house this big. He will need someone to play with.”

Kate nods reluctantly. “I know, but, I can’t and you know why I can’t.”

Mrs. Hughes is silent for a minute before adding. “He won’t hurt you.”

“And how can you know this?” Kate inquired. “He can say it all he wants, but all the men I’ve known have been liars.”

“I know, but I never asked him that because I knew that he wouldn’t.” Kate frowned as she turns slightly towards her. “Because of the dishes you broke.” 

Kate as confused. “I don’t understand.”

“I know.” Mrs. Hughes explained softly. “His wife had picked them out for the house and they’d arrived the day she died.” Kate straightened up. “You just smashed them…and despite his temper, he didn’t’ say a word to you. He didn’t yell at you, nor did he raise a hand to you. That man is still grieving and if ever there was a moment to make him lose control and hit you, that would have been it.”

Kate had to agree. Dropping anything around George or breaking it, always made him fly into a fury. She remembered making the mistake of throwing a vase at him in order to deter him from hitting her. George did worse. He kicked her until two of her ribs cracked. Then he took her face down every day until those ribs healed, which took forever. Thomas, however, had simply walked out of the room and not said a single thing towards her. That was unusual. Surely, what she did would have made him, beyond angry. Yet, he walked away from her.

“Do you understand me?”

“Yes,” Kate nods. “I didn’t realize.”

“He didn’t even tell me the significance of the dishes. He simply asked me to pack them up, move them to the attic where they’d be safe.” Kate felt awful. She had no idea. “He’s not a good man, that much is clear by his lifestyle, but…a part of him is good. And I know you don’t believe it, but, I do believe, that you will be safe in this house and he will protect you.”
Kate bit her lip and confessed. “I don’t know what he’ll do to me.”

“I know.” She exhaled as she ran her hand through her hair. “This is scary and difficult. He knows it as well.”

“But he doesn’t care.”

“If he didn’t care, you know that he’d have forced you into his bed a long time ago.” Kate sniffled. “He’s not a patient man, we can both see this, but he is giving you time.” Mrs. Hughes exhaled before asking. “Did you ever want to be a mother?”

God, she hadn’t thought about that. “Once, but…I think George took that away from me.”

“Maybe, but if he didn’t…perhaps Mr. Shelby will be able to give that dream to you. I know, the two of you don’t love each other, but…you both care about each other.”

“No.” Kate instantly shook her head. “I do not care about him.”

“You do.” She stated. “When he had the concussion, you went down and kept checking on him even after he choked you. He trusted you to look after his son and he gave you two guns to be able to protect yourself. He gave orders that no one was to lay a hand on you. You took care of this house, the staff and his son for three months. His family didn’t think to tell you that he was injured because you don’t carry yourself like his wife. You’re like a guest. Whether the two of you realize it or not…you two have quietly agreed to the roles given to you.”

“Which is?”

“Husband and wife.” Kate sighed and closed her eyes. “You, will have a harder time than he will, you both have to start living again in very different ways. But the two of you will learn together and create a life together. He’s making sure that you’re on the right path to get there.”

Kate was silent for a minute before asking. “You know…that he has a whore that he visits.” 

Mrs. Hughes nods. “I know. He’s looking for something that you can’t give him yet.”

“And what is that?”

Mrs. Hughes was silent. “When I lost my husband, I used to look for him in other men. That’s what he’s doing.” Kate glanced at her. Mrs. Hughes smiles faintly. “But he isn’t going to find a wife or a mother in a woman like that. He knows that. But he also knows that when that he can’t find her in that woman, he’s going to find her in you.”

Kate shakes her head. “He won’t.”

Mrs. Hughes smiles. “No. You’ll never be her, but that’s alright. There are little moments where the two of you are together and I can see a chemistry.”

Kate blinks in shock. “Excuse me?”

Mrs. Hughes smirks. “I listened a bit, heard the morphine.”

Kate’s entire body flushed and burned in embarrassment. “Oh, God!”

Mrs. Hughes laughed at her. “I can’t tell if he meant it or if he was teasing, but, either way it was a good sign.”

Kate shakes her head. “Then you also heard what he said…before I broke the dishes.”

“Yes.” She nodded. “Again, you can’t know that. The two of you have this wall and you’re two strangers arguing over which bed to sleep in come the morning. Just, spend a bit of time with each other, talk, learn about each other.”

“I can’t love him and he can’t love me.”

“I know.” She said. “But don’t hope for love, try for friendship. That’s enough, isn’t it?”

Kate yawned; her head was spinning from all of Mrs. Hughes wise words. “I suppose so.”

She smiled. “Now, you get some rest. It’ll be morning before you realize it and you’ve got a household to run. He also returns tomorrow, see if he’ll talk to you a bit about himself. Alright?”

She nodded. “I’ll try.”

Mrs. Hughes smiles. “I’ll be here for you. I may be under his employ, but I will not cross him when he’s doing something that will help you move forward. It will be hard, but, I think you can do it and so does he.” Mrs. Hughes stands up. “You’re like the daughter that I couldn’t have…and I’d have wanted her to try and have a life. He seems ready to give it to you. All you have to do, is hold out your hand.”

And trust that it not get broken. She understood what Mrs. Hughes was telling her, that a part of her had to try and trust Mr. Shelby or she’d never get through this. But what they were asking of her was easier said than done.

Chapter 22: Third talk

Last night, had been one of the strangest, sexual excursions that he’d ever had. Khlysty. That’s what Tatiana had called it before strangling him. God, he wanted grace so much that it physically pained him being without her. When Tatiana had mentioned this Khlysty as a way to f**k the ghost, he’d been a bit skeptical. If she’d killed him, he wouldn’t have cared. At first, a moment of preservation kicked in and he went to stop Tatiana…then he saw Grace.

He knew he was hallucinating and that it was a dream. But f**king hell, she looked so beautiful. She was wearing that beautiful, creamy and dress that she’d worn with that cursed sapphire. He remembered how his hands shook at the sight of her in that night. The only problem…was now, the memory seemed a little tainted because Tatiana was there. Not only that, but for some reason, Kate had stood there in the corner, watching him and Grace. Her green eyes were wide with terror, yet filled with confusion and maybe a hint of curiosity. But the thing that bothered him, was that she was even there at all.

He’d come out of it, gasping for air while Tatiana laughed at him. She’d handed him vodka and said it was ‘holy water’, but he’d moved that poison far away from him. God, his life was spinning rapidly out of control and this was the moment that he realized that. What the f**k was he doing? It was going to be august soon. Grace had died in February and he’d barely waited a month before f**king Tatiana and Lizzie. Didn’t mean a thing to him, he didn’t care about either woman. There was nothing wholesome or fulfilling there. There was nothing warm, wholesome or fulfilling with Kate either, but there should be. She was his wife, he was her husband. He was a terrible husband, but he knew that even on his worst day that he would always be a better husband to her than George could ever be.

He’d gotten chewed out by Polly today and frankly, he was looking forward to getting on home, seeing Charlie and having a few hours to himself. However, when he walked into his house, the first sight to greet him was Kate at the door. She was standing at the foot of the stairs, as if she was awaiting his return. She probably heard the car and came running down the stairs to see him.

Her head was bowed slightly and her hands were folded. “Good evening, Mr. Shelby.”

“Evening.” He removed his hat before asking her directly. “Did you great him like that?”

she blinks and nods. “Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

“Well,” he pulled off his coat. “you can relax. I’ll have none of that around here.”

“Thank you, Mr. Shelby.”

He cleared his throat as he removed his coat. “And how’s Charlie?”

“He’s alright.” She croaked a little bit. “He asked about you today.”

He nods. “Right. I’ll be up in a bit to see him.”

She nods. “Alright.”

Just as he starts to head towards his library, Mrs. Hughes speaks up. “Mr. Shelby,” he turns towards her and he spots Kate frantically shaking her head. Mrs. Hughes ignores that. “she’s to nervous to say it, but, she was hoping that the two of you could talk.”

Kate let out a quiet moan. “No.”

He nodded and maintained eye contact with Mrs. Hughes. “About what?”

“Anything.” Mrs. Hughes exhaled. “She doesn’t know a single thing about you and you know nothing about her. You’re two strangers who are trying to live a life as husband and wife, while maintaining a wall between the two of you. The problem is, she doesn’t know when you’re going to just going to give her a punch in the mouth!”

his blood boiled as the blood drained out of Kate’s face. “I would never,” he stated firmly. “lay a f**king hand on her!”

“But she doesn’t know that,” Mrs. Hughes states. “because she doesn’t know you.” He inhaled, trying to find his calm. “I’ve had to pick her up so many times, clean up the blood, listen to her scream and then help her limp out of a room, wondering how the hell she was still alive after all that.”

He inhaled as he stated. “I’m not Sabini.”

“But she won’t know that you’re not Sabini if the two of you don’t talk a little bit and listen to each other.”

He didn’t like this. He didn’t appreciate being talked to like that, especially from the housekeeper. But then he looked at Kate and he saw that she looked sick to her stomach, he could hear her breathing heavily and she was digging her fingers anxiously in the palm of her hand. She was still scared, but then as Mrs. Hughes pointed out, they didn’t know anything about each other. She didn’t know who he was and he didn’t know who she was. However, they were married and while he didn’t require that they be close to each other, they should at least know each other.

He exhaled and nodded. “Alright.” Her entire body jerked and she stared at him in surprise. “Do you want Mrs. Hughes in here while we talk?” he offered, not wanting her to be completely uncomfortable.

Kate nodded. “Yes.”

“No.” Mrs. Hughes stated firmly. “This marriage is between the two of you. Both of you have to work out without any interference from me or your family. I’ll be outside so she’s not feeling alone, but the two of you have to learn how to talk to each other.”

He nods. “Alright.” He jerks his head towards the door. “Step inside.”

“Oh, just a minute.” Mrs. Hughes nudges Kate towards him, which causes her to arch backwards slightly because of her nerves. Mrs. Hughes clears her throat. “Mr. Shelby, may I introduce Ms. Katherine?”

he shoots her a look. “We’re already married.”

“Yes, but did either of you have a moment to even meet each other properly?” they hadn’t. “Sometimes, little insignificant things can actually mean so much more than you can ever imagine.”

He exhaled and turned towards her. Kate was biting her lip uneasily and he decided that Mrs. Hughes suggestion wasn’t too far fetched. He exhaled and extended his hand. “Ms. Katherine.”

Kate hesitated for a minute, but she did eventually place her hand in his. “Mr. Shelby.”

Her touch was so light and soft in his. He squeezed her hand just a little, but it still caused her to inhale. “Shall we sit down?”

She nods. “Alright.”

He didn’t let her hand go as he moved her towards the couch. Instead of sitting beside her, he sat opposite each other. Mrs. Hughes kept her hand on the doorknob. “Start with the basics. Where you were born, family, religion and stuff like that. Then move on a little bit more heavy stuff.” With that, Mrs. Hughes shut the door, leaving them alone. He didn’t know if she’d really stay outside the door and listen, but either way, she was there for Kate and that was good. She needed someone to trust as she didn't trust him.

He clears his throat and asks. “She always like that?”

She shakes her head. “Not as a rule, just…recently.”

There’s a pause between them and he stands up. “Do you want a drink?”

She hesitated and then stated. “Yes, please.”

Thank God, because he needs one. He walks over to the bar. “What do you want? Gin?”

“Jameson. Neat, please.”

He smirks and glances at her. “You like whiskey?”

She hesitates. “I can have something---

“It’s alright.” He says as he grabs two glasses. “I prefer Jameson myself.”

“Oh.” She hesitated. “I-I thought that…perhaps I should have asked for something a bit more, appropriate.”

He shakes his head. “Like I said, you can eat what you want. You can also drink what you want.”

She exhaled deeply and said softly. “I’m aware, Mr. Shelby but…I can’t make myself believe you.”

He nods. “I’m aware of that.”

She’s silent for a good minute before asking. “Then why do you keep pushing me?”

God, he’s not sure he’s ready to answer that, but she’s asked it. He exhaled. “I’m not pushing, I’m pulling.”

“There’s not much of a difference, Mr. Shelby.” She points out.

He exhales. “Depends on how you look at it.” He walks back towards her and hands her the whiskey. She takes the glass, her hand jerks slightly when their hands touch. “You’re like a horse that’s been stuck in the mud. I can pull you out, or I can leave you in there to die.”

“Or,” she reasoned. “you can let me go through it on my own.”

He takes a drink and then asks. “Isn’t that what you had to do over there? You had to go through all that on your own.”

“I had Mrs. Hughes.” She stated directly.

“Neither, you or she will give me a full story of what happened in that house.” She takes a sip and avoids his gaze. “So, the two of you can only keep me guessing.”

“You know enough.”

“But I don’t know the whole thing.” She took another sip. “And you don’t have to tell me.” That made her pause and look up at him. “You can keep it to yourself, but, hopefully, one day in the future you’ll tell me when you trust me.”

She inhales deeply and takes another swallow of whiskey. He was still surprised that she drank whiskey, he’d have figured that she preferred champagne or gin to whiskey. “You have no idea, how much I want to trust you,” he studied her. “ but I can’t.”

“Why?” he asked her directly. “What have I done to you?”

She inhaled as she looked up at him. “Apart from forcing me to----

“We’ll come back to that in a minute.” He leaned forward slightly. “When, have I ever physically hurt you?”

“You haven’t, but---

“And I won’t.” He held her gaze. He didn’t know why he was listening to Mrs. Hughes, but she had a point. She didn’t know much about him and he knew even less about her. she could only take what she knew of him and his actions and compare him to George. He was nothing like George though. He reached for a cigarette. “My mother killed herself.” Her green eyes widened. “My father, weren’t much of a man. She said no and he didn’t really f**king care. She was his wife and…that was that.” She inhaled and leaned forward a bit, trying casually to hide her eyes from him. “Look at me.” She did, very reluctantly. “I have no problem walking away from a woman if she’s not interested in me. But I do have a problem, with my wife getting f**ked by someone else in her head.”

She glowered at him. “God, you can be so crass and vulgar.”

“You married a man who grew up in the streets of Birmingham,” she blinked in surprise. “didn’t finish school, had to fight to get here. You may not like what I say…but every word is true.”

She bites her lip before admitting. “I grew up in London, only child and I went to Oxford.”

His brow arched in surprise. “Impressive. And your father allowed it?”

She nods. “Yes.”

He pauses before asking. “Is that where you met that Doctor John Carter?” Her head shot up so fast that he was concerned that she’d cracked her neck. “Your father told Polly. Polly told me.”

“She had no right.”

“You’re my wife,” he reminds her. “she had every right.” She downs her drink and he exhales. “Do you want another?”

“Just bring the bottle!” She snaps.

He smirks as he stands up. It’s going to be a long evening and he has no clue who is going to be drunk out of their mind when it’s over. Either way, they were going through the whole bottle tonight.

Chapter 23: Fourth talk

Hours later,

---

The knock on the door startled them both. Kate set down her glass of whiskey as he said, “Come in Mrs. Hughes.”

Mrs. Hughes comes in with a smile on her face and a tray in her hand. “Well, glad to see the two of you are still talking.”

He simply shrugged. It had been a very interesting conversation. He and Kate had done what Mrs. Hughes suggested, they started talking about family. Kate, really didn’t have much of a family except for her father. From what he gathered, she spent most of her childhood alone and her father was busy. Kate hoarded almost every small moment that she could spend with her father and as a result, she didn’t want to displease him. She wouldn’t talk about her Doctor, so he told her not to expect him to talk about Grace. She’d agreed easily enough.

Somehow, they started talking about their likes and dislikes. Oh, her face had started to light up a bit when they talked about horses. Then, he made the mistake of mentioning that he had a racehorse that won the Darby. She’d gotten very curious and asked him what he did for a living. He told her that it was none of her business. She then told him about George used to do the money laundering for Darby. That led to a discussion of Darby’s illegal activities and he’d gotten some names and insight that he wasn’t aware of. She’d then asked him directly, “So, now that you know I’m aware of what men like you do, are you going to tell me what you do for a living?”

He did.

He left some of it out, the details about the robbery for example. She did ask about Tatiana and he explained that he’d been hired to spy on the family and that Tatiana was just a part of that plan. She seemed to be relieved that there wasn’t anything real with Tatiana and that confused him. He’d asked her if she was jealous and her response had been an instant no. He didn’t know why him sleeping with Tatiana would bother her, especially since she didn’t want him to f**k her. However, he changed the subject and asked about her time in college. He wasn’t surprised to learn that she hadn’t made many friends. She avoided talking about John, but did confirm that she’d met him there, but that was all that she was willing to say to him on the matter. He made a note to ask Polly what she knew about this doctor John Carter. However, when Kate admitted that he’d died in the war, he resolved not to ask her about John anymore.

He’d told her a little bit about Grace, but not about her getting pregnant with Charlie while married to her first husband. Kate, seemed like the kind of woman who’d mind, not to mention, she’d get an idea that he was quite the philanderer and he had been. Well, rather he still was. But this was different and she knew it. Were he allowed into her bed, he doubted that he’d have a need for Lizzie. As to whether or not he’d be willing to remain faithful to her, that was another story all together because he needed to know what she wanted from him. Up until now, they’d avoided the heavy discussions. 
It had all been light-weighted as Mrs. Hughes had suggested. While he’d been reluctant to do this at first, it really helped him and he could see it was helping her. She was so nervous and tense at first, now, she was relaxing and she’d even put her feet up on the couch with a half-smile on her face. Mrs. Hughes had brought them in dinner and they’d continued with their conversation. The food, kept her from getting overly light-headed. He didn’t take her for an alcoholic, so he deduced that she probably drank whiskey to help dull the pain. She was still a little cautious, but a lot more relaxed around him. He could stand up and move around the room. As long as he was in her line of vision, she wasn’t nervous. 

Now, Mrs. Hughes had come in with two slices of pie. Apple and chocolate. She handed him the apple and her the chocolate. Kate smiled broadly. “Thank you, Mrs. Hughes.”

Mrs. Hughes nods. “Of course.”

He frowns as he is handed the apple. “How come we have two different things?”

“Kate doesn’t like apples.” Mrs. Hughes said simply, but from the glance they shared, he knew there was a story.

“Why?” he asked directly.

Mrs. Hughes laughs. “Ask her, she’s sitting right there.” Mrs. Hughes clears her throat. “I’ll take these dishes downstairs. Charlie is already in bed and this conversation, is probably wearing on Kate. So, I’ll go and ready her room before coming to fetch her.”

He nods. “Alright.” Kate takes a bite out of her pie. Once Mrs. Hughes closes the door, he asks. “Why don’t you like apples?”

She’s silent for a long moment, carefully chewing her pie. Only once she swallowed, did she answer him. “George…did something while, I was eating apple pie. I’ve never liked it ever since.”

“What’d he do?”

she avoided his gaze as she said quietly. “He…spit on it…and made me eat it.”

He exhaled and set down his pie. She looked guiltily up at him and he exhaled. “I don’t care much for apple either.” After a few moments, he said. “Looks like we’ve gotten to the heavier part of the discussion.”

“We don’t’ have to---

“First, I need to know something.” He studies her and then asks her flat out. “Do you want marriage?” the fork clanged from her hand to the floor, he didn’t break eye contact with her. “I mean the whole f**king life and kids?”

She inhales as she stutters out. “I did…a long time ago, Mr. Shelby.”

“I’m asking you if you want it now. Do you still want that?”

she blinks rapidly. After a few moments, she sets down her plate. “I don’t think I am capable of giving it to you.”

“That’s not answering my question, I’m asking if you want all that. I don’t care that you think you can’t have it. I’m asking if you want it.” He looks around. “You got a house, my boy upstairs and you’ve got me.” She shoots him a look. “Yeah, I know, I probably won’t be a good husband to you, but I’d be a lot better than he f**king was.”

She inhales and asks. “Can I speak freely?”

“I don’t care if you’re yelling at me,” he states honestly. “as long as you’re telling me what you’re thinking.”

“I did, want all that Mr. Shelby. When I was younger, I thought I was going to marry a man who loved me, live on a quiet street, have three children and it’d be a perfect little life. Instead, I got stuck in hell with Sabini and now, here I am, with you. Once again, stuck in marriage with a complete stranger and bound forever in a loveless marriage.”

He exhales deeply. “Does love really matter to either of us at this point?” her face goes still. “You and I both know that the person that we both love is dead. I lost Grace. You lost John. I don’t think either of us are capable of falling in love again.”

She looks at him with a cold withering stare on her face. Kate inhaled and exhaled before asking. “So, you go out and spend your time with Lizzie and Tatiana instead?”

He puts out his cigarette. “This is the second time that bringing them up has bothered you. So, what’s the issue?”

“There is no issue.”

“You’re f**king lying to me Kate.”

“I am---

“I asked you if you’re jealous of them, I’ll ask you again.”

“I am not jealous!” She snaps at him.

“But it bothers you.” He leans forward in his chair a bit. “Why the f**k would it bother you?”

“Because it makes me feel worthless!” She suddenly shouts. “Most men would keep silent about their affairs, but you flaunt it! Not only that, you point out how you need two women to satisfy your needs.” She exhaled sharply as the door opened. “Not only that, it scares the hell out of me to imagine what you’re going to do to me when you---

she slapped her hand over her mouth. He’d found one of her weaknesses, well, two actually. Whiskey and chocolate. “First off, whatever I do to them is nothing like I’d to do to you. Like I’ve said…we’re going to discuss that in two years. I am not going to force anything on you until we’ve talked about it.”

“But,” she inhales. “you know I don’t want to do…anything like that again. Why are you hurting me?”

he exhales and stands up. She looks up at him as he moves around to sit on the edge of the table so she can’t avoid looking at him. He exhales and takes one of her hands in his. Her hand instantly twitches and she drops her gaze to his hand on top of hers. For a moment, he surveys her hand for a moment. He realizes that she has a bruise on her wrist, possibly from a rope. He inhales, she keeps seeing George when she looks at him and he finds that beyond repulsive.
He exhales and places his hand on the bruise, which is lightly powdered. She instantly goes stiff and tries to jerk her hand away, but he won’t let it go.

“Tied you up as well, didn’t he?” she inhaled sharply and didn’t answer him. He could see that she was starting to go back to George again. He notices a strand of hair hanging down in her face. He reached forward to tuck it back behind her ear. 

The moment he touched her, she let out a gasp and jerked away from his touch. “Don’t!”

He ignored her request. “Look at me,” he ordered. “not my hand.” She turned towards him, her breathing fast and heavy. Kate bit her lip, clearly, she was used to not making sounds or reacting. “Look at me.” He said softly. She didn’t at first as he began to stroke her cheek with his thumb. She struggled to look at him, clearly distracted, or rather bewildered by his touch. “I’m not doing this to hurt you.”

“Don’t…believe you.” She rasped.

“I know. And you probably want to know why.” She nodded, causing him to exhale. “You said…you wanted a family, but you weren’t sure that you could have a baby. From what I do know, I know, that he put you through so much Hell that you don’t even realize that you’re not in Hell anymore.”

“But,” she stuttered, clearly blinking back tears. “this, you and---

“I made a promise to my wife.” He said quietly. “Part of that promise was to fill this house with love and kids.” She instantly shuddered, clearly repulsed. “I can’t fill this house with love and I can’t fill it with kids like she wanted. You wanted to be a mother and I don’t want him living alone.” He studied her, watching her lower lip tremble. “I don’t think you want that either, otherwise this wouldn’t be bothering you so much.”

She inhales. “What if I can’t?”

“Then you can’t.” He said. “I won’t blame you if you can’t but I do know, that neither of us give up easy. If you had, you’d have been dead months ago.” She sniffled and dropped her gaze. “I know, every time you look at me, that you see him.” To his surprise, she nodded! She was silently admitting it to herself. “But I am not him.”

“How can,” she croaked. “I know that?”

“You can’t.” He said. “Till you get to know me. That’s why I said we’d discuss this in two years so you could have yours space to think about this.” She doesn’t look convinced. He exhales and reached into his pocket for his knife. “Part of Romani culture, is the mingling of the blood. It’s typically done at a wedding.” She inhaled sharply in surprise, then gasped when he cut the palm of his left hand. He gestured. “Give me your right hand.” She did reluctantly, but he could see that she was curious. He exhaled as he admitted. “I didn’t do this with Grace, she didn’t need to know this as much as you do.” 

“Know what?” She inhaled sharply as he cut her palm.

He set the knife down on the table and pressed the cuts together. She inhaled uneasily as he proclaimed. “This is a blood bond. You’re blood of my blood.” She jerks and sates at him. “It’s a promise to protect you from all danger, no matter what. And I’m promising you this here and now, that I will never hurt you. I’ll encourage you, but I’ll never force you to be with me.”

She inhales before asking. “Why, do I have to be with you?”

He was ready for this. “Mrs. Hughes,” he said without looking away from her. “I’m going to kiss my wife,” Kate started shaking her head. “she might feel more comfortable if you were standing a bit closer instead of the corner.”

“Uhm, where are you going to kiss her, Mr. Shelby?” Mrs. Hughes inquires. “Might want to start with the cheek first.”

He nods. “Alright.”

Kate is still shaking her head. “Right, you don’t need to---

Kate’s entire body shivered and he cupped her face in his hand. She let out a burst of a sob and he couldn’t stop himself from asking her. “When was the last time, you were kissed, eh?”

She stammered. “I-I can’t remember.”

“Thought so.”

With that, he leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek, they hadn’t even kissed on their ‘wedding’ day. Kate inhales, letting out a soft whimper as he kissed her cheek. For some reason, he didn’t leave it at one kiss. He pressed several soft and light kisses to her skin, following the arch of her cheekbone. She kept letting little out these pleasant little gasps as he moved towards her ear. God, that made him angry that she hadn’t had any moments of tenderness in years. He didn’t love her, but, watching her find that feelings like this could be beautiful. 

Kate pulled away and looked at him, tears trickling down her cheeks. “Things can be alright between us,” he said quietly. “and you deserve it to be nice. But I do know, that it’s going to take you some time to stop jumping every time I put a hand on you. You and I don’t let out enemies win and I’m not going to let him think that he won. If you want that baby, we can try in two years time and I’ll give you that baby. Anything that you want, I’ll give it to you.”

“But,” she glanced at their joined hands. “you don’t, I don’t---

he knew. “We don’t have to love each other to get along.” He exhaled as he admitted. “I’m willing to try if you are. I don’t expect an answer now, not for a good while, but we made vows to spend our days together.” He inhaled and then asked the question that he was afraid to hear the answer to. “Are you willing to try?” 

she was silent, she was silent for a very long time. He could see that she was weighing her options and calculating things in her head. He didn’t know why it all suddenly meant so much to him that she is happy, but maybe it was because she deserved it after everything Sabini had done to her.

He could see she wanted to answer him, but couldn’t find the words. He cleared his throat, offering her some encouragement.. “I’m going to London tomorrow morning. I want you to accompany me. We’d be back tomorrow afternoon.”

She blinked. “I-I have Charlie to watch.”

“Mrs. Hughes will watch him. He’ll be fine”

Mrs. Hughes nods, shooting him a smile. “Of course, the two of you should get better acquainted and some time alone is perfect for that.”

Kate bites her lip and then….she nods. “Alright, Mr. Shelby. I’ll give this a try.”

He hesitates before asking .”The marriage or all of it?”

“All of it.” She inhales. “But promise me, that if that day comes and I can’t… that you’ll let it go and you won’t bring up me having a baby or sex with you, ever again.”

“I give you my word.”

She hesitates before adding. "I've always moved slowly, Mr. Shelby."

"Move as slow as you want, take some time with yourself." He nods at her and says. “I’ll see you tomorrow. 7:00.”

“Ok.” With that, she turned and walked away from him.

It didn’t escape his notice that she rubbed her cheek where he kissed her. She’d been starved from so much that he was going to have to drown her in everything he had to make her realize that she truly was now safe. He wished that he was capable of loving her, but he wasn’t. Grace had a hold of him in the same way John held onto her. Still, he would try to be a good husband for her. If ever started to fail, he just needed to remind himself that he wasn’t George. He’d be a good husband to her as  long as she didn’t ask too much of him.

Chapter 24: Surprises

Her skin could not stop crawling. His intentions to kiss her had chilled the blood in her veins, but the actions itself caused such a reaction. It felt as if a dozen spiders were trapped under her skin. No matter how hard she scrubbed her face, the sensation would not go away! He said a kiss, that kiss had been ten kisses until she pushed him away. It had felt strange, almost wrong to be kissed like that, especially from a man who cared nothing for her. The fact that he was her husband made it even more bizarre.

The knock on the door caused her to jump. “Y-yes?”

“It’s me.” She exhaled at the sound of Mrs. Hughes voice. “May I come in?”

“Yes.” Kate rubbed her eyes and drew the covers up to her chin. She wasn’t going anywhere with him. She just wasn’t! Mrs. Hughes walked in and shot Kate a look. “I’m not going!” Mrs. Hughes ignored her and walked straight to the closet. “Did you hear me? I said I’m not going!”

“I heard you.” Mrs. Hughes pulled out a cream and mint green dress. She hated that dress so much. George always made sure to pick out the most unflattering clothes that he could find. “However,” she grabbed a coat. “Mr. Shelby figured that you’d have second thoughts and sent me up to help you get ready.” Kate groaned. “Come on, out of the bed.”

“I don’t want to---

“Mr. Shelby doesn’t care.” Mrs. Hughes smiles at her. “I’ve been charged not to tell you where you’re going, but he told me what his plans are.”

“Why won’t you tell me then?”

“Because, it’s a lovely thing and it’d be good for you to have a treat.” Kate was dubious. “You need to get up.” Kate shakes her head and Mrs. Hughes yanks the covers off her, causing her to sit up. “Come on.”

“I don’t want to go!” She stated.

“Why?” She exhaled and floundered for an excuse other than she was scared about being trapped in a car with him. Mrs. Hughes exhaled and sat down. “It’s alright to be scared, but as you heard Mr. Shelby say, things can be nice here. He’s doing something nice for you, believe me.”

She inhaled. “I believe you…I don’t believe him. Why won’t he tell me?”

“Because he wants you to learn to trust him.” She stated. “He does things in a rather unorthodox manner, but, he’s trying. You need to try and meet him halfway, even though it’s scary for him.”

Kate exhaled. There was sense in what she was saying, but, it was still hard and somehow those kisses last night had her even more on edge. Kate hesitated before asking. “Will you come with me?”

Mrs. Hughes nodded. “Alright. But, get dressed. Mr. Shelby arranged for your breakfast to be packed up in a picnic basket, so I need to check on that.”

Kate nodded and got out of bed. She went to the bath, washed her face, brushed her hair and pinned it up before getting into the dress that Mrs. Hughes had picked out for her. She didn’t know what was happening, but as long as Mrs. Hughes was going along, she was all right. She then got into the dress, pulled on a fresh pair of stockings and grabbed a pair of shoes. She then grabbed her purse, made sure that the gun was in it. She found it strange still that he allowed her to have a gun. Perhaps he’d forgotten about it, but she wasn’t going to remind him of it.

She then came downstairs to find Mr. Shelby talking with Mrs. Hughes. She shook her head. She didn’t know how those two had managed to become friends so fast, but it was unnerving. 

Mrs. Hughes looked towards her and smiled. “Ah, here she is. I’ll make sure the basket is in the car.”

Mr. Shelby nods at her and asks. “You ready?”

She nods and asks. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” He offers his hand and she hesitantly places her hand in his. He leads her out front and guides her into the car.

Mrs. Hughes rolls down the car window before closing the door behind her. “Alright, the food is in the basket between the two of you.” She smiles. “You, enjoy your day out.”

It was in that moment, that Kate realized that Mrs. Hughes had lied to her and wasn’t coming along after all! “But, you said you’d come with me!”

“I did.” Mrs. Hughes said softly. “However, you didn’t ask me to go wherever it is he’s taking you. So, I came with you as far as the car door.”

“You,” Kate sputtered. “you tricked me!”

“Just a little my dear.” Mrs. Hughes straightened up and addressed Mr. Shelby. “She’s a little scared, Mr. Shelby.”

He nods. “I know. She’ll be alright with me.”

“She better be,” Mrs. Hughes stated. “or I will be calling your aunt!”

“Do that,” he states. “and you’re f**king fired.”

Mrs. Hughes laughs at him. “Have a good day the two of you!”

Kate couldn’t say anything; her heart was pounding violently in her throat. She gripped her purse tightly in her hands as he got into the car. The moment the door shut, the driver started driving. He had an assortment of papers in a briefcase and a newspaper under his arm. He set the newspaper on the seat beside him and asked her. “You have your gun in there?”

God! How did he always know these things? “Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

“Good.” He unfolded the paper and began reading it. “You won’t need it where you’re going, but I want to make sure that you have it.”

She hesitates. “W-why won’t you tell me where you’re taking me?”

“It’s a surprise.” He turned the page. “Besides, you have to start trusting me. If I tell you where we’re going, that defeats the purpose.” She shakes her head and looks out the window. “Eat your breakfast.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“You’re always hungry.” He states. “You eat as much as Ada, if not more.” She rolls her eyes and keeps looking out the window. After another minute he adds, “there’s fresh scones with blackberry-raspberry jam.”

This was another thing that she hated about him. He observed things; he knew things with a single glance. She’d never known anyone with such an intense stare as him before. She exhaled and reluctantly opened the basket. Sure enough, there were fresh scones in there. She took a plate out and put a scone of her biscuit. He handed the jam to her without looking at her.

She nodded. “Thank you, Mr. Shelby.”

He then asked her. “Did you like it?”

She nods. “I like this jam.”

“I meant the kiss.”

“My skin won’t stop crawling.” The words slipped out before she could stop them. He turned and looked at her, his expression was slightly confused. “I’m sorry.”

Instead of being angry, he let out a laugh and shook his head. “You’re a funny woman.”

God, he had no clue just how perplexing a puzzle he himself was. He didn’t talk to her anymore and he let her eat her breakfast in peace. She was grateful for that. Mrs. Hughes had packed up a book, Jane Austen’s ‘Sense and sensibility’ for her, so she read that. They arrived at the train station, where Mr. Shelby bought them two tickets for London. He then escorted her onto the train where again, they said nothing to each other. Once they arrived at the London station, another driver was waiting for them. This time, she closed the book and looked around. She hadn’t been to the city part of London in so long and it had changed.

Soon, the car stopped in front of a building and Mr. Shelby got out. He held his hand out to her. “Come on.” She put her hand in his and let him help her out of the car. They were standing in front of a store full of couture dresses.

“Here.” He reached into his coat pocket and handed her several envelopes. “Put this in your purse. There’s 5,500 pounds in there.” She nearly dropped the envelopes on the street. “You can get some shopping done, if it’s not enough money, I’ll be back in an hour and I’ll settle the bill.”

She stared at the envelopes of money. “Mr. Shelby, this is, it’s way too much money. I already have clothes to wear.”

He shakes his head. “Mrs. Hughes says that Sabini used to pick out what you could or could not wear. So,” he exhaled. “she’s throwing out everything, so, you have to buy a whole new wardrobe.” He nods towards dress that she’s wearing. “You can leave that one behind.”

“But,” she stares at the store. “it’ll be…very expensive here.”

“And?” He inquires. “There a reason why you can’t wear some of the best clothing?”

She bit her lip and said quietly. “It doesn’t feel right.”

“Why?”

She had no answer. “It just doesn’t. I-I can’t take your money.”

He exhaled and shook his head. “Come on.” He took her hand and guided her inside. “I’m going to make sure you’re settled before going on business. I’ll be back in an hour.”

She couldn’t answer him; she was stunned by the clothes inside. Every single garment was beautiful! She had only seen these pieces in magazines and now, he’d given her money to buy them! The moment he walked in, all eyes went to him and someone, presumably the manager bustled over to him. The woman had a sympathetic expression on her face.
“Mr. Shelby,” she said softly. “please, allow me to express my condolences over the loss of your wife.”

He nodded, his jaw tightening. “Thank you.”

So, he used to take Grace here. Another reason that she’s not at ease in this store. “I took the liberty of processing a refund for all her items.” She gestures for them to follow her to the desk. “All our sympathies, she was a lovely lady.”

“She was.” He cleared his throat and stated. “I’d like to open another account for my wife, Katherine.”

The manager stared at her, clearly in shock. “You’ve, remarried?” He nodded. “Our apologies, we didn’t read about it in the paper.”

“It was a private ceremony.” He handed back the envelope. “Make sure that she gets everything that she needs. Nothing but the best for her.”

“Mr. Shelby---

“I’ll be back later,” he ignored her. “to settle the bill if need be.”

The manager hesitated and asked. “Might I take the liberty to ask if, Mrs. Shelby would prefer a private viewing?”

“What’s that?” he inquired.

“Well, we’d close the store for an hour and---

Kate cut in. “Would that cost extra?”

The manager nods. “Yes, but---

“It’s alright.” He nodded. “Yes, I’d like a private viewing for my wife.”

“But---

He shakes his head. “I’m gone, I want you to be comfortable.” He reaches into his wallet and hands the manager a hundred pounds. “Will that cover it?”

The manager stares in surprise, but nods. “Yes, Mr. Shelby. It’s more than generous. It actually covers more than an hour.”

He nods. “Thank you, we'll take two hours then. She needs a whole new wardrobe. I’ll be back for her. I expect a lot of bags.”

“But,” he ignores her and walks out of the store! She shakes her head and says softly. “it’s too much.”

“Mr. Shelby is a man who always likes to make sure that people are taken care of, especially his wife.” The manager explained with a smile as she snaps her fingers at one of the salesgirls. “We have a private showing, please, put the closed sign on the door.” The girl nods and hurries off. The manager smiles. “I’ll show you around the store first, see if I can get a sense of what you like. From there, our models will show you the various dresses. I’m assuming you need clothes for all special occasions?”

Kate bites her lip and nods. “Yes, but…I don’t want to cost Mr. Shelby a fortune.”

“Don’t worry about the price Mrs. Shelby,” she adds in a lower voice. “you have a 10,000 pound credit.” Kate gasped in complete shock and stared at the manager. “His previous wife had more expensive taste than you. I’m certain we’ll be able to furnish you with simpler styles to help with that credit.” The manager smiled. “Shall we start in the cosmetic department while we wait for the customers to clear out? Then, we shall go to the lingerie department and from then, the models will show you every garment that we own in this store.” Kate could only stare in shock. She thought for sure that she was going to fall over in a dead faint at those words! “I’ll put aside the gowns that catch your eye. From there on, we’ll make sure that they fit and our seamstress will make any alterations if needed. Then, we’ll go to the accessories department.”

Kate’s head was reeling. She could only nod. “Alright.” She understood why Mr. Shelby had wanted this to be a surprise; still, she was stunned and overwhelmed by his generosity.

“Follow me.” The manager said as she guided her towards the cosmetics. “We’ve got some perfume from Channel as well, especially no5. I believe it just may suit you.”

Kate could only nod. As they moved towards the front of the building, she heard someone shouting. “Do you know, who the f**k I am?” Kate instantly froze. She knew that voice. “I will not be thrown out!”

“Sir,” the salesgirl explained. “we’re having a private showing. We are not allowing more people---

“Shut the f**k up! I am not having my wife treated like this.”

“Darby,” Kate’s heart began to pound so fast that she felt as if her chest was going to explode. “it’s alright.”

“No, it’s not.”  The blood drained out of her face as Mrs. Sabini came around the corner with an angry Darby Sabini right behind her. “Who the f**k are they,” Darby stopped and stared at her. Kate felt as if she were paralyzed as she looked into his furiously black eyes. “you!”

Kate didn’t even have a moment to move because before she had a moment to register what was happening, Darby had her by the throat! All the salesgirls screamed as Darby grabbed her and threw her into a table. Kate lay there; gasping for air as the table leg stabbed her in the back.

Before she could even move, Darby was kneeling over her. He knelt, pressing his knee into her chest, causing her to desperately get a breath in. “Well,” Darby sneered as he put the loaded barrel of his gun into her mouth. “if it isn’t the whore who killed my brother!”

---

Chapter 25: Fury

She was going to die. There was no other thought running through her head. She was going to die! She’d cheated death so many times that her luck had finally run out! She closed her eyes, not wanting Darby’s face to be the last thing that she saw on this earth. She thought of Mrs. Hughes, Charlie and to her surprise, she thought of Thomas as well.

“Darby,” Anna screamed. “don’t!”

“You know what she did!” He shouted as he pushed the barrel further into her mouth. Kate started coughing, choking and gagging as the barrel started to trigger her gag reflex. “She shot him, twenty f**king times! Like he was some animal!!”

Oh, George was an animal, but she wasn’t in a position to argue with Darby. “I know! I know!” Anna said, tears in her voice. “But we won’t get justice like this! Call the police and have them arrest her! Then she can--

“Shelby has the police in his f**king pocket!” Darby shouted in her face. “Where is he?” she couldn’t answer. She couldn’t breathe. The room was spinning around her and growing dark. “Where the f**k is he?”

“She can’t answer you!” The manager half-shouted at him. “Sir, her husband, is Mr. Thomas Shelby! He will kill you---

“I know!!” He shouted at the manager before shouting at her. “So, where the f**k is Shelby?” Kate tried answering, but she couldn’t get the words out. Darby finally pulled the gun from her mouth and grabbed her by the throat as he shouted. “Where the f**k is Shelby?!” for a moment, she could only cough. Darby shook her head, causing the room spin even faster. “Where is he, you f**king b*tch?!”

Suddenly, Darby went flying!!

Kate let out a gasp as the weight left her chest. She was coughing and sputtering as her lungs begged to be filled with air. She could barely breathe. The manager knelt over her and helped her into an upright position. She inhaled, begging desperately for air. The saleslady was saying something, but Kate couldn’t hear. Her ears were ringing so badly. Someone went running past her and she could see Mrs. Sabini’s feet. She was facing away from her. A loud crash, brought the hearing back to her ears and attention to the far end of the room.

She looked up just in time to see Thomas Shelby throw Darby into a glass display case! She didn’t know where he’d come from, but she’d never been so glad to see anyone in her life. Darby let out a curse as he tried to get up from the ground, but Thomas went after him! She could only stare as Thomas grabbed Darby by the shoulders and slammed his face into the wall several times! Mrs. Sabini, Anna, was screaming at Thomas to stop, but he wouldn’t stop! Darby was fully capable of extreme violence, she’d been on the receiving end of it herself but he was no match for Thomas’s anger. 

Sabini slumped to the ground and Thomas was on top of him like a mad dog atop a rabbit! She could only stare, watching as Thomas was filled with pure rage and anger. He head butted Darby, who let out a gurgle as something in his jaw popped! Anna was crying and still begging Thomas to stop. He did not. He removed his hat and then sliced both corner’s of Darby’s mouth to his ear! A Glasgow smile. Her mouth dropped in complete shock at this display of violence from Mr. Shelby! She’d known that both George and Darby Sabini were violent men but, the way Thomas had been treating her…she’d forgotten that he was capable of such violence. For good measure, he then sliced off the top of Darby’s ear and threw it at Anna, who kept screaming hysterically.

Thomas suddenly, used his elbow and slammed it hard into Darby’s rib. He hit him several times. Darby was crying out, gargling and choking on the blood in his mouth! Suddenly, Thomas grabbed the gun from his holster and pressed it to Darby’s head! Kate and Anna both screamed as he cocked the gun! Kate close her eyes and covered her ears, not wanting another memory of someone’s brains getting blow out of their head in her head!

Somehow, Thomas didn’t kill him. He exhaled roughly, breathing heavily as sweat poured down his brow. He inhaled and exhaled a few times, finding his breathing before concentrating on Darby. No one dared to move. No one dared to breathe. Not even her. It was so silent that the only sound in the room was Thomas Shelby’s heavy breathing.

“I warned you,” Thomas threatened as he pressed his gun to Darby’s head. “that if you EVER came after my wife, you were coming for Solomons and me!” he tightened his grip on Sabini’s throat. Another, pressed a glass of water into her hand. Kate downed it immediately and sat there watching the scene unfold. He inhaled. “This is your only warning…touch her again and I will f**king kill you. I will then take your business, divide it with Solomons, leaving your wife and your f**king kids destitute. Do you understand me!?” 

Darby garbled something and Thomas stood up. As he put his gun away, he kicked Darby in the ribs. The loud crunch and cry from Darby’s lips confirmed that Thomas had broken his ribs. He stood up and wiped the blood off his face. 

Anna ran towards Sabini. “Darby.” 

He turned to Anna, catching her by the arm as he stated. “My wife, did not murder his brother.”

Anna looked confused. “I-I don’t understand. What are you---

“I’m saying that your husband and his brother, along with his f**king men beat the hell out of her, starved her and raped her for two years!” He snarled in Anna’s face! Anna gasped and stepped back, her face growing pale at those words. “He took a f**king horsewhip to her back!” Anna shook her head. “My aunt and I had to pay for her to have surgery because they tore her up so badly inside that she may not be able to have kids!”

“That’s a lie!” Anna screamed. “Darby wouldn’t, just stop---

He shouted. “They’d hurt her over and over and over again! They didn’t care that she was asking them to stop, they thought it was a joke! They’d bring a doctor in to fix her and then put her through Hell again! George said he was going to kill her and she had enough, so she f**king shot him!” Annie went still. “I’ve seen the scars on her, I know, she’s telling the truth. The nurse and doctor were shocked. Every single person, in my house, is f**king shocked that she’s still alive! But she is and I’m going to damn well make sure that she stays alive and no one, puts a f**king hand on my wife. And if your husband, as much as f**king looks at her again, I will blow his f**king brains out in front of his kids! Do you hear me?” Anna nods. “I can’t hear you!!”

“Yes!!” she cries. “Please, just---

“This is the only warning.” Thomas let Anna go. “Get the driver to get him to the hospital. He has a broken jaw and four broken ribs, one may have punctured his lung,” Anna started to run out of the room. “he’ll need stitches for his face and ear!” Anna ran out of the room and Thomas walked towards her. “You alright?”

she could only nod. “He put his gun in her mouth.” One of the salesgirls said.

“F**k.” Thomas muttered as he knelt down in front of her. “I’m sorry. I’m so f**king sorry.” 

She stared at him in confusion. “How,” her voice broke so she cleared her throat. “how did you know? You’d left!”

“His car passed mine. When they turned to come down here, I made my driver turn around to make sure that they weren’t coming here.”

“Thank you.” She cleared her throat. “For coming back. You didn’t have to.”

“I did.” He said firmly. “You’re my f**king wife and I told you yesterday, you’re my blood. I promised to protect you and I meant it. You’re safe with me.” This was the moment that she believed him. Kate started crying and he reached for her. This time, Kate wrapped her arms around his neck and held onto him. He exhaled pulled her up onto her feet. “I’ve got you.” He turned so he could keep an eye on Sabini and one on the door. 

“Mr. Shelby,” the manager asked. “does she need a doctor?”

“Kate? Do you need a doctor?” she shook her head. She wasn’t hurt. Just a bit scared and shook up right now. “Are you sure?”

she nodded. “Yes, Mr. Shelby. I'm not hurt.”

“Alright.” He exhaled deeply and held tightly onto her. She closed her eyes, inhaling and exhaling until her heart was no longer pounding in her head. After a few minutes, she pulled back and looked up at him. He had some streaks of blood on his face and his blue eyes were wide with tension. “You sure?”

She can only nod as he wipes away the tears on her face. “Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

He holds her gaze as he told her. “I said it before, you can trust me. You’re safe with me.”

She inhaled and nodded. “I know.” His eyes softened a little bit. “I know.” And for the first time in years, she actually knew that she was safe.

Anna came in with their chauffeur and he moved her so she was standing by the desk, yet slightly behind him. Kate inhaled deeply as she watched the chauffeur drag him out of the room with a sobbing Anna behind him. Thomas exhaled and turned to one of the salesgirls. “Lock the door behind them.” The manager handed him the phone from behind the desk. He nodded. “Thanks.”

“You’re…a monster.” Anna sobbed.

"You're married to the monster." He rolled his eyes and directed the operator to connect him to another number. Kate inhaled and he held onto her tightly. He cleared his throat. “Solomons? I need you to delay your man for a day.” She could hear an annoyed male voice on the other end. “Yeah, I know. I know.” He exhaled and snapped. “Alfie! Sabini just attacked my wife!” he exhaled. “Yeah. No, I didn’t kill him. He’ll be in the hospital for a bit.” He nods. “Happened on your territory. Thanks. Look, I’ll send my driver over to pick you up.” He exhales. “Because, I’m not leaving my wife.” He nods. “Right. See you.” He exhales and turns to her. “Right, I need to talk to my driver. He’s going to bring my meeting here.”

She blinked. “I-I’ll be fine. You can keep your meeting.”

He shakes his head. “I’m staying.” He turns to the manager. “I’ll pay for the damages.”

“I’ll simply deduct it from your line of credit.” The manager assured him. “Really, we’re just glad that Mrs. Shelby is alright.”

“Yeah.” He clears his throat. “Why don’t you, go ahead and start showing her some things?”

“Right away Mr. Shelby.” 

He nods. “Thank you.” Before turning and walking away, he leaned forward and kissed her cheek. And for the first time, Kate didn’t pull away from him. Perhaps, this was because this was the first moment that she realized that perhaps, it was possible for her to get back to living a normal life again. As long as he was there, she knew that she'd be safe.

---

For those who don't know what a Glasgow smile is, those are the scars that the joker has around his mouth.

Chapter 26: Meeting Alfie

He couldn’t sit still. His hands wouldn’t stop shaking. F**k. It had all happened so fast. If he hadn’t looked up, he wouldn’t have seen Sabini’s car pass him and he would have returned to the shop to find Kate gone and dead. No, she wouldn’t have been killed. Sabini would have done horrible, unthinkable things to her for days, weeks, possibly months before finally killing her. He would have been a widower for the second time within 6 months.

She was supposed to be safe here. He’d picked this shop because it was in Alfie’s territory. Alfie had told Sabini that he couldn’t move against Kate. At least, he hoped he had. Alfie was a strange man, he’d betrayed him once, but he’d asked a small thing of Alfie which he’d seemed agreeable to. Now, he wondered if Alfie had even talked to Sabini, which meant more negotiating with him. Today had originally been he was going to Alfie’s optometrist and then come back. Now, he was watching Kate try on clothes to make sure that she was alright.

Her buying clothes was very different than when Grace bought clothes. Because of the scars on her back, she couldn’t wear anything low. Kate liked things a little bit on the plain and simple side. Grace had been fond of bright colors and prints. She liked furs, whereas Kate liked shawls. He knew he had that less than 10,000 pound credit, but it was going to take Kate a while to use it up. There was a small but steadily growing pile of bags containing blouses, skirts, jackets and hats. Now, they were onto the dresses, which would probably be hard for her.

The moment Kate tried on her first dress, the manager, Betty, came out with her head high and blinking back tears. “Mr. Shelby, we won’t be sending you the bill for the damage. We’ll be sending it to Mr. Sabini along with his wife’s account, which we’ll be closing.”

He couldn’t understand it at first, then he knew. “You saw her back?” She nodded. He exhaled. “That’s not the worst she’s had to endure.”

“I can tell.” She inhaled. “Mr. Sabini will pay for the damages. It’s the least he can do.” He nods. Betty hesitated before asking. “Is that, why you married her? To, keep her safe?”

He leaned back. “Who says I didn’t marry her for love?”

“You did.” She said softly. “When I asked about your other wife.” He bit his tongue. Betty smiled. “It’s an admirable thing you did, I’m sure your wife would be very proud of you for helping her like that in your time of grief.”

He wasn’t so sure. It still felt like he was betraying Grace. However, Betty was a good girl, no harm intended, so he simply nodded at her. He was spared words when Kate came out in this blue dress with gold leaves on it. It was a very pretty dress and it fit her well. She had a very slim figure, full of curves in all the right places. All of that had been hidden under the baggy clothes and he could tell that she was uncomfortable with the latest fashions. They were all very close and showing off the figure, which she was used to hiding. 

“Mr. Shelby,” she swallowed. “they won’t tell me the price of this dress.”

He lets out a sigh as he rubs his brow. “I know, I told them not to.”

Her eyes widened. “But, Mr. Shelby, I don’t want to cost you so much money.”

God, he hated ‘fighting’ with her. This wasn’t even really a fight. It was almost like complaining because she was trying not to appear ungrateful and he wouldn’t let her. He turns to Betty. “I like this one, make sure she gets it.”

Betty nods. “Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

Kate shakes her head. “Mr. Shelby---

“After this,” he states. “we’re having lunch then I’m taking you to Cartier,” her eyes bulged. “where, you will pick out six sets of jewelry to go with your purchases today.” Kate just stares at him, unable to form a coherent thought in her head. He exhaled deeply. “We will have to stay overnight, it’ll be late by the time we’re done.” She started shaking her head. “I already booked a room, with two beds. Alright?”

She inhaled and opened her mouth to answer, when someone banged at the door. She jumped back and stared at the door. Betty hurried over to peer out the window and stated. “It’s some man with a beard.”

“Ah,” he stands. “that’ll be Alfie Solomons, let him in.” Kate shifted nervously, rubbing her wrist unconsciously with her other hand. He made a note to get her a simple bracelet that she could wear every day to cover the scar and hopefully, stop her from doing that.

Alfie strolled in and looked around. “F**king hell, Tommy. You trashed the place!”

He nodded. “Well, he should have kept his hands off my wife.”

“Yeah, right.” Alfie spotted Kate standing behind him and shot her a smile. “Well, you’re just a regular beauty, ain’t you?”

He turned towards Kate as she shifted uncomfortably. “I-I guess.”

“You guess?” Alfie laughs. “F**k, a woman looks like that and she has to guess if she’s pretty or not.” Alfie extends his hand towards Kate who looks at it dubiously. “Ain’t gonna bite, luv.”

Thomas stepped forward. “Right, Alfie, let’s talk.”

“Yeah, look,” Alfie stated. “I got a call from Anna and she said that you said some pretty outrageous things about Sabini.”
Kate stiffened as he nodded. “Only told her the truth Alfie.”

“Yeah, well, she’s pretty shook up. After all, they’ve been married for nearly 20 years, got 4 kids. So, she don’t believe it.”
Thomas felt himself growing suspicious. “What are you saying Alfie?”

He exhaled. “She brought up a point that, maybe you’re lying to me.”

Before he could answer Alfie, Kate did. “Do you, need to see my back?”

“No.” Thomas said instantly. “He doesn’t need to see it.”

Alfie shoots him a look. “Well, not that I don’t trust you Tommy, but how I can I tell if you’re f**king lying?”

Tommy shoots him a look. “You’re not looking at my wife’s back.” He turns to Kate. “Continue trying on dresses. We’ll be out here talking business.”

“But---

“No.” He said firmly. “Sabini may have had no problem letting other men see you. I do. Polly made you show John, Arthur and me, but, I won’t have you showing Alfie. Understand?”

She nods. “Yes, Mr. Shelby.” With that, she turned and walked out of the room.

Alfie was watching Kate walk out of the room, her gaze slightly on the ground and the skirt raised to keep the hem from dragging on the ground. He shook his head. God, she was a hard woman to understand.

Alfie exhaled. “Well, she’s a beauty, I can see why you married her.”

“I married her,” he reminds Alfie. “because I gave my word to her dying father that I would protect her from Sabini.”

“Yeah,” Alfie sits down and folds his hands. “look…I heard everything you said mate on the phone but,” he exhales. “f**king hell, Tommy. From what she told me you nearly f**king killed him.”

He inhaled, fighting to keep his temper in check. “When I came in, he had her on the ground, he was on top of her, choking her and he was yelling at her. The manager, said he had his gun in her mouth and that she was choking on it because the gun was so far down her f**king throat.”

Alfie was silent for a long time and he asked. “You love her?”

He shakes his head. “No.”

“So, you just f**king nearly killed him for a girl you don’t love?”

He nods. “That’s right.”

Alfie frowned and rubbed his jaw. “Look, I believe you Tommy, just trying to make sense of it.”

“You haven’t seen her Alfie.” He stated firmly. “If you saw her back, you’d have killed him too.”

Alfie was silent for a bit and he stated. “Her father came to me last year.”

Tommy nods. “Same.”

“Didn’t believe it, so I talked to Darby.” He explained. “We f**king went to school together and he swore he didn’t touch the girl. Figured her dad wanted her out of the marriage for some reason, didn’t think it was real.”

He exhaled. “I know.” He was silent for a bit. “I was getting married to Grace, we had Charlie,” he shook his head. “couldn’t have another war. Not when I was going straight.”

Alfie nodded. “Right, mate. But Darby, he’s still a friend.”

“That you’ve betrayed twice.” Tommy points out.

“Yeah, well it’s just the way I am.” Alfie stated with a telling expression on his face. “Turned on you too.” Thomas shoots him a look. “And I assure you, it will not be repeated.”

He chuckles. “Right.” He didn't' believe Alfie, but, he liked Alfie and that was the problem.

At that moment, Kate came out in this black evening dress with feathers on it. She looked beautiful and her hair was down.
“Well,” Alfie said appreciatively. “you should buy that one. Looks real nice on you.”

“Thank you, Mr. Solomons.” The waver in her voice betrayed that she was scared about something. “But…I can’t wear this dress.”

Alfie frowned. “Why the f**k not? Looks like it was made for you.” He said nothing, but he knew. Kate turns slowly, revealing her damaged back. Alfie went still. “Oh, f**king hell.”

He stood up. “You didn’t have to---

“I know,” she inhaled. “but…he needs to know that, you’re not lying. Nor am I.”

His eyes narrowed. “What’s on your arm?”

Kate bit her lip and turned slightly. “The whip caught me.” The streak ran from her elbow down to her wrist. “I removed the powder.”

“F**k.” Alfie stood up and moved closer towards her, which caused her to shift in discomfort.

Alfie went to touch her arm and Thomas grabbed his hand. “Don’t touch her, Alfie.”

“What’s that?” Alfie asked.

“She doesn’t like to be touched.”

“Oh.” He nods. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

“I-it’s alright.” Kate stuttered. “It’s business.”

“No.” He shook his head. “I told you, no more of that.”

“I’m just trying to help.”

“I think,” he shoots Alfie a look. “he’ll take me at my word now.”

Alfie nods. “Yeah.” His eyes narrowed. “Cut your wrists?”

She shook her head. “No. I-I was tied to a bed.”

“How long?” Alfie asked.

She inhaled and he spoke up for her. “Alfie, she doesn’t want to talk about it.” She opened her mouth up, but he cut her off. “She feels like she has to because she thinks she’ll get hurt if she doesn’t answer.”

“Oh.” Alfie shook his head. “Yeah, sorry, never you mind. It’s alright, don’t answer.” Kate simply nodded and walked out of the room. Alfie shook his head, his eyes growing wider with each passing second. “I think…I need to pay a visit to Sabini.”

“Alfie---

“Tiny thing, ain’t she?” Alfie asked. “I’m serious, she’s so f**king tiny looks like a breeze could knock her to the ground. So, er, uhm,” he tilted his head to the side as he stated. "she didn't have a f**king chance, did she?"

“No.” He cleared his throat. “Polly had to pay for her to have surgery. She’d been ripped up down there, stitched badly and had scars down there.” Alfie began breathing faster. “She was hiding food, because he’d starve her and wasn’t just the Sabini brother’s that would hurt her. He allowed the male staff to hurt her.”

“Tommy,” Alfie warned. “I’m going to f**king kill him if you don’t shut the f**k up.”

“She already killed him.” He stated. “I’m telling you, so you understand why I will kill Sabini if he touches her again.”

“Well, if he does, I got you in this fight.” Alfie stood up. “Looking at her back…the arm, I don’t know what else he did to her.”

“Stuck a gun up inside her and pulled the trigger.” Alfie’s eyes flashed. Tommy stood up. “So, no. I don’t love her, nor will I ever f**king love her. But I don’t want her to go through something like that again.”

Alfie was angry, but still in control. He spit in his hand and held it out to Thomas. “She won’t.”

Thomas spit in his hand and shook Alfie’s hand. “No matter what happens, she stays safe.”

Alfie nods. “Yeah. Don't need to love her to want to keep her safe.” He cleared his throat. “Now, excuse me, I have to get back to the bakery and you look like you’re going to be here a while.”

He nods. “Yeah.”

As Alfie walks out the door, he adds. “Get the seamstress to add some fabric to the back. Looked good on her mate, seems wrong that she can’t wear it.”

He nods. “I’ll talk to Betty.” And with that, Alfie walked out of the store, clearly intent on going to the hospital and threatening Sabini. But he didn't care. Tommy starting a war against Sabini was one thing. Against Alfie...it was another.

Betty had brought out the seamstress who had assured him that fabric could be added to the dress to help hide Kate’s back. The same was done to several other dresses. By the time Kate was done, she had a full wardrobe. He arranged for the collection to be delivered to his house. Even with the cosmetics and everything, Kate had managed to bring it right up to 10,000 pounds. She didn’t like furs, which helped keep the costs down.

Once they got back in the car, she handed him the envelopes of money back. He’d picked a nice little French style bistro. She was hungry and he noted even though she hesitated while ordering, she at least ordered what she wanted. She’d tried talking him out of going to Cartier, but they went there afterwards. She had simple tastes, preferring gold over silver. Pearls over diamonds. She liked less popular gemstones like opals. The curator sensed this and brought over several pieces that were simple, yet stunning. He wound up buying more than 6 sets because they weren’t as expensive. 

The hotel room, it had been tricky at first. He’d gotten into bed while she changed in the bathroom. She came out, clearly uncomfortable, but he didn’t acknowledge her or even glance in her direction. Any little thing would have made her uneasy. She moved better around him, he noticed though. She actually reached for his hand when he opened the car door for her. The bedroom, was her nemesis. Lots of ugly things had happened to her and she would be on edge for a long time. She was eventually able to fall asleep, he hadn’t for a while. But he’d been kept awake by nightmares. This time, they were hers. She talked in her sleep, cried a little and asked him to stop. F**k, he had no idea how long she’d be like this and he now wondered if two years was enough time to consider trying to have a baby. He could always push it off for another year if she wasn’t ready in two.

The following morning, he’d awoken before her, but he stayed in bed and let her escape to the bathroom. The moment he heard the door lock, he got up and got dressed. It took her a little longer because he knew that she was powdering her arms and wrist to hide the scars. She’d been startled to see him standing by the door ready to go, but she’d recovered. They walked down the hall to the restaurant, their hands brushed until he finally just grabbed her hand and held onto it. She didn’t react, so, he figured that with everything that had happened with Darby yesterday finally made her believe that he would protect her. After breakfast, they got in the car and went to Camden Town where he saw the optometrist. After that, they’d returned home and they talked a little bit more, mostly about the social events that were upcoming. They’d concocted a story about how they were old friends and they’d agreed to say that they married the week before the opening of the Grace Shelby institute. That way, it would seem less like a shotgun marriage to the public.

Upon arriving, Mrs. Hughes told Kate that her clothing had been delivered and that the rest of her dresses would be arriving next week. Once all the alterations were done. Mrs. Hughes also told him that there was a package at his desk for him. He’d gone into the library and saw that it was from Camden Town. That meant, the package was from Alfie. He opened it up and couldn’t help but smile at the contents.

Alfie had cut off Darby’s other ear.

---

Chapter 27: Grand Opening drama

September 1st, 1924

---

She was going to throw up. She felt awkward and she felt as if she was in the wrong place. She didn’t belong here and it felt as if everyone was judging her. Well, in truth, no one was, but she felt as if they were. Everyone watched her walk into the room with Thomas and their brows rose. She could feel John and Arthur's wives eyeing her especially hard, almost as if they were sizing her up, seeing if she was good enough to fit into this life. Ada and Polly, were the only two who had a kind word for her. Esme, she didn’t trust her, that much was clear. Linda, she looked down at her as if she were the scum of the earth. When Arthur had mentioned that they were leaving Birmingham to become missionaries to the Apache Indians, she’d been stunned. Neither Arthur or Linda had the temper for that.

These two months, had been very different between her and Thomas. It had been a bit more friendly and she didn’t stutter around him as much as she used to. She felt much more confident around him. True to his word, he didn’t force her, but he gently encouraged. He took to holding her hand and occasionally touching her cheek, but it was nothing beyond that. There were no more kisses as he understood how dreadfully uncomfortable kisses were for her. As a result, they seemed a bit more like husband and wife in the eyes of the public.

Kate had dressed very smartly, a nice dress suit from Chanel. Too smart because Thomas had clearly spent a fortune on her clothes, which drew attention to her. She was unable to get away from one lady who kept grilling her on how she and Thomas met, asking about her clothes and more things. Eventually, Arthur realized that she was trapped and rescued her.
She exhaled. “Oh, thank God.”

He chuckles. “Aw, f**k, that woman can talk, eh?”

Kate nods. “Probably why she’s a reporter.” Arthur was a little shy, so she felt comfortable talking to him. She exhales and asks Arthur politely. “When are you and your wife leaving for America?”

“End of this week.”

“That’s a bit soon, isn’t it?”

“She don’t want to have the baby here.”

Kate nods. “Probably a bit more complicated to be traveling on a boat with an infant.”

“Yeah.”

There’s a few moments of silence, then she confesses. “Mr. Shelby, will miss you, when you leave.”

Arthur arches a brow. “He said that?”

She bit her lip. “Not in so many words.” She inhaled and asked. “If you don’t mind my asking…why don’t you and your wife stay here?”

“Ah, well, she feels we could do good in America.”

“And you can’t do good here?” She asked. “I-I don’t mean to be rude, it’s just that…Mr. Shelby will be opening more institutes and someone should, well,” she bit her lip. “educate these children.” Arthur said nothing. “I’m sorry, it was just a thought. It’s a big institute and…sometimes kids fall through the cracks. And,” she hesitated before adding. “as someone who has no living relatives…it’s good to hold onto the family you do have.”

Arthur nods and exhales. “I’ll think about it.”

Kate glances around the room, Thomas is having a discussion with some people, he hasn’t noticed that she’s not been at his side for a good fifteen minutes. She bites her lip and says. “I’ll be back shortly. Just going to freshen up a bit.”
“Alright.” He nods. “You look like a magazine cover.”

She smiles faintly. “Thank you, Arthur.”

Kate turned and headed down the hall to the lady’s room. After relieving herself, she washed her hands and then reapplied the powder to her wrist. Thomas had bought her a simple gold bracelet to cover the scars, but she was still self-conscious of it. How could she not be? She’d been tied to that bed for a week. She remembered yanking on the ropes until her wrists bled. 

“So,” she turned to see a younger woman entering the bathroom with black hair and dark brown eyes. “you’re the girl that Tommy married.”

Kate frowned at the woman. “Do I know you?”

“No, we’ve not been properly introduced yet.” She held out her hand. “Lizzie stark.” Kate would have shaken her hand, had she not known who Lizzie was. She was the other woman that Thomas was sleeping with. While she’d said it was alright, it seemed wrong to shake her hand. Lizzie smiled. “I’m his secretary.” Kate felt as if she’d been stabbed in the stomach with an icicle. This woman, had some nerve! Lizzie studied her and then dropped her hand. “Well, I guess someone told you what I used to be.”

“I know, that you were a prostitute,” she admitted. “but I also know, that you’re sleeping with him now.”

Lizzie studies her and then drops her hand. “Well, according to him,” Kate flinched. “you’ll not be joining him in his bed for another year and four months. Tommy’s always had needs and if you’re not going to take care of them, someone else will.” Kate shook her head and exhaled. “It’s really nothing. Tommy just,” Lizzie shakes her head. “he just needs to get out of his head. No need to be worried about it.”

“I’m not worried about it.” Kate stated directly.

“Then what’s the problem?” Lizzie asked.

She couldn’t keep the words from coming out of her mouth. “If your husband’s mistress, walked up to you and introduced herself. What would you do?”

Lizzie didn’t even pause to think about the answer coming out of her mouth. “I’d spit in her eye.”

Kate did just that. Lizzie blinked and stared at her in surprise. Kate was shocked as well. “I may not love him, but there are some things that go against all decent principles. Did you honestly think that you could walk up to me and extend a hand, as if to get my blessing for you two to continue your affair?” She wiped her mouth and exhaled. “Excuse me.”

Lizzie lets out a laugh. “Well, you’re not at all what he thought you’d be, are you?”

She didn’t bother answering Lizzie. She knew that she was baiting her and she didn’t need anymore of this constant stream of drama from the Shelby family. God! He’d actually invited his mistress to this event! Did he truly have no sense about how things worked? First, he’d taken her to the shop where he bought Grace’s clothes. Then, he’d invited his mistress to this event! Kate felt like a fool as she came out of the bathroom, fighting back tears. She looked towards the merriment and decided that she wanted some quiet. 

However, she heard the sound of Charlie crying. She looked up just in time to see a nurse go hurrying down the hall with Charlie. Kate didn’t know what was going on, but her first thought was that Charlie was hurt. She ran after the nurse who shoved the door open leading to the downstairs.

“Nurse?” She called. The nurse whipped around and looked at her. “Nurse? Is he alright?” the nurse didn’t answer her. “Nurse?”

“He’s alright!” The nurse kept running and that’s when Kate realized that something was wrong. 

“Nurse?” She called again. “Stop! Stop right now!” 

The nurse ignored her and Kate opened her purse. The nurse made it to the bottom of the stairs and Kate realized that she was running for the back entrance. Kate wasn’t giving her the chance to open the door. Something was wrong and she had a feeling if the nurse reached the door, she’d be gone along with Charlie. 

She reached into her purse, took out the gun that Thomas gave her and shot the nurse in the back of the knee! BANG! The gunshot echoed in the empty hall! The nurse dropped to her knees with a scream, which caused Charlie to scream louder. The nurse pushed herself up and began to hobble down the floor, dragging her one leg along the floor! Kate aimed and fired again, hitting her in the other knee! The nurse fell, screaming and crying on the ground. 

Kate grabbed Charlie and pulled him into her arms. At that moment, the back door opened and two men entered. Kate didn’t hesitate or wait she fired at them both, causing them to duck back behind the door. She ran back up the stairs, holding onto a howling Charlie. She could hear someone shouting to get her, but she didn’t dare slow down. Her lungs were burning, her heart was pounding in her chest and she was beyond terrified. When she was halfway up the stairs, she saw the men behind her. 

Kate turned and fired, hitting the man in front in the chest. The man fell backwards, knocking the other man down the stairs! They both tumbled down the stairs and Kate continued running up. She had to get back to the party! Once she was there, she’d be safe. She made it up the stairs and a quick glance behind her showed that there was no one behind her. She pushed through the doors and made her way towards the main hall. She burst around the corner to see Thomas talking with Ada, Arthur, John and other members.

“Tommy,” Ada said. “someone said they saw a nurse take him through the back door.”

“F**k!” He swore before turning and running.

Before she could say a word, Arthur spotted her and shouted “Tommy! Tommy,  she’s got him!” Tommy turned and came back into the room. He exhaled in relief and the whole room seemed to just let out the breath they’d been holding. “Christ, she’s got him!”

Thomas held his hands out for Charlie and she handed him over. Everyone clamored around Charlie, checking him over. Kate got pushed back from the swarm of Shelby’s and she stood there gasping for air, her lungs burning in her chest. She reflected on how she hadn’t been told that Thomas was in the hospital. Once again, she’d been pushed out of the family circle and reminded that she was an outsider.

She moved away and sat down in the nearest chair. She leaned forward, closing her eyes and trying to calm down after this damn adrenaline was running through her veins. Someone said something to her, but she couldn’t comprehend the words. A hand touched her and she jumped up with a shriek.

“Kate?” She found herself staring into Thomas’s blue eyes. His eyes were wide and darting about. “What the f**k happened? Where was Charlie?”

“There’s a nurse,” she says in a shaking, lowered voice. “on the ground floor. she was taking Charlie,” she croaked. “I-I shot her.”

He snapped his fingers. “John. Arthur.”

Arthur nods. “On it.”

“Wait,” she inhaled. “there were two more men. They ran after us and….God,” she shook her head. “I think I killed them both. I don’t know.”

“It’s alright.” He wrapped an arm around her head and pulled her close into a hug. Kate didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know how to respond. “Thank you.” He said lowly. “You saved my boy.”

She just stammered. “You’re welcome.”

The kiss on her forehead caused her to jump in surprise. Then, he kissed the corner of her mouth and that was enough to cause Kate to freak out. Kate pushed away from him, stepping back as her body shook violently. He studied her as she wiped the corner of her mouth frantically. “What?”

What could she say? His mistress was in the room and he was kissing her. Why the hell would he think that she'd allow his attentions right now?

“Ma’am?” A kind, male voice said. “Here, I got you some water.”

Kate turned…but the water was the last thing that she noticed. The first thing that she noticed was the eyes. They were eyes that she knew. Kind and warm, almost like melted chocolate. Then, she saw the face. The face was a few years older, but she knew the face. Kate gasped as her heart started to race in her chest. God, she knew him. She knew him!

“Kate?” Polly asked her. “What’s---

“John?” she croaked as tears started to pour down her face as she gasped out. "Dear God, it's you!" She didn't know how it was possible, but the love of her life was standing right before her eyes, alive and breathing. But with that realization came another thought. She was married to another man and this man, Thomas Shelby, would not give her a divorce.

But that thought was crushed when John smiled at her and said. "Sorry, do I know you?"

---

Chapter 28: Flynn or John?

Ok, he didn’t know what the hell was going on. There’d been so much going on in the last ten minutes. Kate had stopped Charlie from being kidnapped. Now, she was staring at someone, calling him John. The man looked utterly confused, but from Kate’s expression, she was adamant that she knew him. Frankly, he wanted to get Charlie out of here, but he had a feeling that Kate wouldn’t be budged.

He placed a hand on her shoulder. “Kate---

She shrugged his hand off her shoulder, not aware of anything else happening around her other that this man. “John? How-how are you here?”

He frowned. “You’re mistaken. My name is Flynn, Flynn Carsen. Do I know you?”

“Kate,” he said quietly. “he said---

“I know its John!” Kate stated without looking at her. “Don’t you think I’d recognize the man I love?”

Those words, those words, caused a cold chill run down his spine and settle in his stomach. There was no hesitation in her voice; it was strong, sure and confident. At that moment, things began to come a little clearer to him. Kate was still in love with John, just like he was still in love with Grace. He just hadn’t realized that after nearly eight years after the war that she was still in love with a ghost. However, it was becoming clear that her ‘ghost’ was in fact, still alive.

“Flynn?” this beautiful, blonde, French woman walked up to them. “What’s going on?”

“Ah, Eve.” He exhaled. “It’s nothing, I’m sorry. She thinks I’m someone else, John Carter.”

“Who are you?” He asked eve, directly.

“I’m his wife.” Eve explained. He didn’t need to look at Kate to feel her entire world just collapse out from under her. 

“Wife?” Polly inquired, clearly trying to deflect away from Kate’s shock.

“Yes, we’ve been married for five years.” Eve turned towards Kate and asked. “Why do you think his name is John Carter?”

Kate, was a sickly shade of white. But somehow, she was able to open her mouth and answer questions. “We, we met at oxford, several years back. We,” Kate inhaled deeply. “oh God, uhm, John asked me to marry him and I-I had to turn him down because my father didn’t approve.”

Eve’s eyes widened and she turned to John, who was shaking his head. “Eve, I don’t know her.”

Eve frowned. “Darling, you know that the doctor said that you might never remember certain things.” Ok, maybe Kate wasn’t as insane as she was acting. “We haven’t had any luck finding the Carsen family. Perhaps, she’s right.”

Flynn shakes his head. “No. I don’t remember her. I remember other things, but not her.”

“What caused the memory loss?” Thomas inquired. “Did he hit his head?”

“Worse.” Eve exhaled. “He got shot in the head, the bullet ricocheted." Eve pushed John's hair back from his forehead to reveal a scar there. "Fortunately, it didn’t go that deep, but, deep enough to cause memory loss.” Eve inhaled. “I found him in a river. My father was a surgeon, retired, but he took care of him. Took him months to learn how to walk.” Eve glanced at her. “Any ideas how he got the name Flynn Carsen?”

Kate nodded. “Yes, that was one of the men in his platoon.”

"The dog tags may have gotten mixed up." Thomas stated. "It can happen, especially in running water."

"Possibly." Eve glanced at her. “So, the two of you were still in contact with each other while he was overseas?”

 “Yes.” She inhaled as she wiped her eyes. “I-I can call his parents.”

“Parents?” John’s eyes widened.

“Your father’s name is John.” Kate inhaled. Frankly, he was stunned that she hadn’t passed out yet. She looked like she was about to be sick or collapse. “Your mother’s name is Eleanor. You became a doctor when your younger brother, Bobby died.”

“How?” He asked. “Do you know?”

She nodded. “Appendicitis. No one realized until it was too late.”

Eve cleared her throat. “So, you were close, then?”

“Yes.” Kate’s voice cracked. “Very.”

It was clear, very clear to everyone in the room that Kate was still in love with John Carter. He could tell from the way that John shifted uncomfortably, that even he knew that Kate was in love with him. He just couldn’t remember her or the love.
He cleared his throat. “Perhaps, we can go to the office?” eve nodded in agreement. “There’s a bit more privacy and I’m sure, Kate could probably call Doctor Carter’s family and they could solve this among themselves.”

Eve nods. “Yes, of course.”

“Right,” Polly says, latching a hold of Kate’s arm. “follow us.”

Eve nods, as does John who asks. “You and Mrs. Shelby been married long?”

“No.” Kate states at the same moment he says, “Yes.”

Eve laughs uneasily. “Well, which is it?”

“It’s both.” He stated with a smile, knowing what they were both searching for. “Seems like we’ve been married for months instead of a week.”

“Oh, congratulations.” Eve said with a forced smile. “May the two of you have a long and happy marriage.”

“It’ll be long alright.” He adds for Kate’s benefit. “Don’t believe in divorce.” Sure enough, Kate stopped dead in her tracks. Polly, however, had a hand near Kate’s waist and she kept her moving forward. “So, yeah, we’re in this till the end of our days.”

Eve nods her face relaxing just a little bit. “I see. This, all must be a bit of a shock.”

He nods. “Yeah. I lost my wife this year, that’s how I met Kate.”

“Oh.” Eve smiled. “And the two of you fell in love after suffering such losses. I’m glad the two of you were able to find happiness.”

“Same.” He added. They headed into the small office. “What brought the two of you back here?”

John answered. “Ah, Eve’s pregnant.” Kate dropped the phone, but grabbed it quickly. “And, she thought that it was long past time that I go back and try to find my relatives.”

“No luck with the Carsen family?”

He shakes his head. “No. No luck.” He clears his throat. “We were visiting her sister, who invited us to join her today. I hope you don’t mind.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “It’s all for the best.

“Jenkins?” Everyone turned towards Kate, who was on the phone. He could tell that her heart was breaking and that she was just barely able to hold it together right now. “Yes. Yes, it’s me. I know, it’s been a long time. Are Mr. and Mrs. Carter at home? No!” She said quickly. “No. Don’t put them on the phone just yet.” She inhales. “I-I found John.” She shook her head. “No. No, I’m not. He-he’d been shot in the head. He was rescued by a woman, they’ve been in France.” She inhaled deeply. “Jenkins, he doesn’t remember anything.” She bites her lip and shakes her head. “No. No. Not even me. He’s forgotten everything.” She inhaled. “Jenkins, please…I need you to talk on the phone to him.” Her voice broke. “I know, that you’d know his voice. No one believes me right now. Alright.” She inhales and hands him the phone. “He wants to talk to you.”

John inhaled and looked at the phone as if it were a snake. After a moment of hesitation, he took the phone. “Hello? Jenkins, is it?” Kate covered her mouth and turned aside. Polly approached her and places a hand on her shoulder. Kate instantly shrugged Polly’s hand off her. Kate opened her mouth a few time and then she turned and headed out of the room, a hand over her mouth and stomach. John, looked flabbergasted and confused. “I-I’m sorry, I-I don’t.” He turned to his wife. “Eve?”

Eve nods and takes the phone. “Hello? Mr. Jenkins?” Eve clears her throat. “I’m his wife, Eve.” There’s a brief moment of conversing. “You’re sure? You’re very sure?” she nods. “Alright. Might I have the address?” Polly hands her a piece of paper and a pen. She nods at Polly as she writes down the address. Eve clears her throat. “Well, I guess you should tell them to prepare them. Maybe say, it may be John, but don’t confirm it just in case there’s a mistake.” Eve’s eyes widened and she turned and looked at John. “Yes. Yes, that’s right there.” She inhaled deeply. “Ok. We’ll be right there.”

Eve hung up the phone and John shook his head. “Eve?”

She shoots him a smile. “Easy Flynn, he seems like he knew you. Even knew about the scar near your heart. Said you fell out of a tree and landed on a branch.” John shakes his head as she places her hands on his cheeks. “I guess, I should start calling you John, shouldn’t I?”

“No.” He shakes his head. “I’ll always be your Flynn, Eve. Always.”

“Good boy. No matter what happens, we'll always have each other. ” She said with a light smile. John leaned forward and kissed her deeply on the mouth. Yeah, these two were in love. Possibly too affectionate with each other. They seemed like the kind of couples that never grew out of the honeymoon phase.

Thomas glanced around to see that Kate still hadn’t returned. Charlie had cried himself out a while ago and was asleep on his shoulder. He cleared his throat. “We’ll give you two some privacy. I need to go find my wife.”

John and Eve nod. “Of course.”

Polly walks out of the room with him. John, Arthur, Ada, Lizzie and Finn are all outside the office, all of them equally as concerned. “Well?” John asks. “Is it him? Was it her Doctor?”

Polly nods. “It appears to be.”

“Oh f**k!” Arthur proclaims loudly.

Ada shakes her head. “She must be in shock. How long’s he been missing?”

“Since the war.” Polly said. “She's never stopped loving him.”

“But, he married someone else.” Finn pointed out.

“So did she.” Arthur tacked on.

“But, would that marriage be legal?” Ada inquired. “I mean, after all, he didn’t marry under his legal name.”

All eyes looked to him and he just kept it simple. “We’re not getting a divorce.”

Ada shot him a look. “Tommy---

“Do you think Sabini won’t go after her if she married him?” he states. “He already went after her while married to me.”

“Besides,” Polly points out. “she is legally married to Tommy.”

“Wouldn’t an annulment, be easy?” Lizzie asked. “It’s not like it’s a real marriage, is it Tom?"

He exhaled deeply. Lizzie knew that Kate wasn’t his wife in the full real sense. He could, separate from Kate, but, that wouldn’t be possible. He was a man of his word and John had clearly moved on. Not only that, he’d forgotten about Kate. There was no point in releasing her from marriage. He cleared her throat. “She’s married to a Shelby. We stay f**king married. Where is she?”

Ada frowned. “Uhm, she went down the hall.”

He groans. “And no one went after her?”

“Said she was going to the lady’s room.” Ada explained as he went that way. The whole group waited outside the powder room as Polly and Ada went inside. They came out only to announce. “She’s not in there.”

“Oh, f**k!” He did not need this today! He did not need this today! He looked around. “Right, let’s look for her!”

every fanned out and looked around the institute. After twenty minutes of combing the whole place top to bottom, Finn came to tell him that his car was missing. On a hunch, he went back to the office and picked and called home.

Clara picked up. Shelby residence.

“It’s Mr. Shelby---

oh, thank God, Mr. Shelby! Clara stated. It’s Mrs. Shelby.

“Is she there?”

yes. She inhaled. Mrs. Hughes told me to call the doctor. She’s locked herself up in the room, she’s been screaming, crying and breaking things. Mr. Shelby, it’s bad.

He knew what was going on in her head right now. “Does she have her purse?”

No, she dropped it on the stairs.

“Get it,” he ordered. “and put it in my library. Don’t let her in there.”

But---

“That’s where the guns are.” He stated, causing everyone in his family to jump. “Tell one of the men to stand guard, don’t let her in there.”

Surely, she wouldn’t kill herself, Mr. Shelby.

He hung up the phone. He couldn’t swear to it that Kate would do it, but from what he knew, she was as broken as a human could be right now and people in this much pain, could likely hurt themselves. He ought to know. He’d nearly killed himself this year already. She most likely wouldn't kill herself, but he knew that right now, she felt like she wanted to die. So, best to have the temptation out of her reach before she succumbed to it. 

Chapter 29: Shattered

No one could survive a knife to the heart. At least, that’s what people were told. Kate , however, could confirm that this was a lie. There was a knife in her chest now and it wasn’t going anywhere. It wasn’t just in her chest, it was in her lungs and head as well. Everything hurt. It hurt to think. It hurt to breathe. Hell, it hurt to live and she hated it.

Kate stood up, looking for something to throw across the room, but there wasn’t anything. She’d thrown every book from the bookshelf across the room, smashed every picture on the wall, take the poker to the mirror and shredded the her bedding with her letter opener. It still wasn’t enough. She could never get all this out. There was too much inside her and it was killing her. She couldn’t get it all out. No matter how hard she screamed and cried, she couldn’t get it out. She felt as if she were being eaten alive by everything that was swirling around inside her.

She must have been born on a cursed day because God had decided that she wasn't meant to be happy. She was supposed to suffer and she would suffer until the day that she died and if she dared to look for happiness, He would take that away from her. He must have made a bet with the Devil like He did with Job to see if she could handle everything, that life threw her way. And He’d thrown a lot her way. He’d taken her mother to ensure a horrible relationship with her father. As a result, she hadn’t dared to tell him about the man that she’d truly loved. John. She’d rejected John in order to make him happy, although she loved him desperately. John had then gone off to war and never returned. As ‘penance’ for her ‘killing’ John, she’d married George. And George had made sure that she was brutalized to the fullest until she could bear it no longer. From George, she was given to Thomas Shelby and who knows what he was going to do to her! And he didn’t believe in divorce, so she was stuck being married to him for the rest of her days.

She took a step forward, a shard of glass crunching under her feet caused her to still and look down at another long piece from the broken mirror. Pick me up. It seemed to call to her. So, she bent over and picked up the piece of glass. She looked at it, turning it carefully in her hands. Kate wasn’t a suicidal person by nature until this moment. The longer that she looked at the glass, the more it seemed to encourage her to do one quick slice across the jugular. It’d be quick, it’d be easy. She’d bleed out shortly and not feel a thing. After all, what did she have to live for anymore?

Nothing.

She’d stayed with George, only because she was waiting for her father to die. Her father did die, forcing her and Mr. Shelby to pledge themselves to each other in a marriage that meant absolutely nothing to either of them. Thomas had sex with his secretary daily, invited her to special family events and then came home to her. There was Charlie, but even his smiling face wasn’t enough to chase these dark thoughts away from her mind. All that pain, that suffering, that hell, that torture…it had all been for nothing!

And John! God! John, he was still alive after all this time! But he didn’t know who she was!! She looked back at the past and reflected on all those painful mistakes that she’d made. She’d let allowed kisses on the cheek, but she was foolish to not have gone all the way with him when she had the chance. Instead, George Sabini had taken her virginity and he’d been anything but gentle and loving to her. God, she remembered the look on John’s face when she repeated the conversation that her father had with his lawyer, how he didn’t want her marrying a doctor. She’d assured John that she loved him dearly, but couldn’t marry her. John had said that she hadn’t loved him enough and if she had, she’d have married him anyway, no matter what her father said. He’d signed up to go to France before she could talk to him again. She wrote to him and he wrote to her, neither of them said what they truly wanted to say until she’d broken and told her that she couldn’t bear to be without him anymore. She’d poured her heart and soul into that letter…only to have it returned unopened to her. She’d hoped, she’d begged God to send him back to her. The war ended a year later and there’d been no word from him. She and his parents had finally resigned themselves to the fact that he was dead.

Then, he’d surfaced again and she wished that he was dead. That, she could handle. But to see him again, to look into those beautiful, brown eyes of his. To feel like she was home again, to feel loved and feel alive again, only to have it brutally yanked away from her. He didn’t know her. He didn’t remember her. And not only that, he’d married a beautiful woman. A woman who was now carrying his child. Kate was chained to Thomas and while getting an annulment would be easy since the marriage was unconsummated, she wasn’t a homewrecker. She had to let John go. But she couldn’t. He’d been the one things helping keep her sanity together and now, now, she’d realized that she’d lost him many years ago and he was never hers to have.

Kate looked back down at the glass, contemplating if it was really worth spending another second in this hellhole of a world. Hell couldn’t be as bad as here. “Put,” she spun around to see Thomas Shelby walking towards her, a set of keys in his hands. “the f**king glass down before you cut yourself.”

She’d had enough of him. Had enough of his orders. She brought the glass up towards her throat and said. “Get away from me.”

The man didn’t even blink as he continued walking up to her. “I said put the f**king thing down.”

“Shut up!” She screamed at him. “Just shut up!” He grabbed her by the wrist and squeezed it until she dropped the glass. “Bastard! You bastard!” 

He spun her around and pushed her towards the door. Kate elbowed him hard enough in the stomach to make him double over. “F**k!”

“Get your hands off me!!” He grabbed her around the waist and lifted her up off the ground, which only caused her to scream louder.

Mrs. Hughes and Clara came into the room and they both shrieked in shock. “Oh my God!”

“I’ve got her.” Thomas shouted over her screams. “I’m taking her to my room.”

“No!” Kate screamed. She knew it! She knew he’d do it! He was punishing her for what she’d said about loving John! “Get off me!”

Kate fought, struggled and kicked all the way, but it was no use. He was a man, he was stronger than her so he easily overpowered her. Kate was full on sobbing when Thomas put her on the bed. She tried to get away from him, but he wouldn’t let her go!

“Stop moving, Kate!” He ordered.

“Get off me!!” She screamed at him! Thomas grabbed her wrists and pinned them above her head. “No!!” He somehow got a knee between her legs and spread them wide before getting on top of her. “Don’t!!”

“I’m not,” he exhaled and then shouted. “Mrs. Hughes!!” Mrs. Hughes ran in and he ordered. “I need a belt!! Now!”

Kate couldn’t stop screaming or fighting. She kept screaming at him to let her go and to stop, but he wouldn’t listen. Kate’s heart broke into a thousand pieces as Mrs. Hughes helped Thomas tie her wrists to the bedpost behind her head. Just as he secured the belt, Kate found her opening and was able to bite his neck! He let out a howl of pain as he grabbed her jaw! He got off her, a stream of blood pouring down his neck as he moved off the bed. Mrs. Hughes said something to her, but Kate just spit Thomas’s blood in her face! 

Thomas reappeared and put a cloth over her face. Kate buckled and thrashed, desperate to stop smelling the sweet scent, but somehow, the scent overwhelmed her and Kate faded into darkness where she hoped she’d never awaken again.

---

“F**king hell.” Thomas exhaled as he watched Kate breathe in the chloroform soaked rag. This woman had put up one hell of a fight and she’d nearly killed him. He exhaled and turned to Mrs. Hughes who was sobbing. He placed a hand on her arm and asked. “Are you alright?”

Mrs. Hughes turned towards her, his blood spat across her face and shook her head. “No.”

“Come here.” He removed the cloth from Kate’s face and guided Mrs. Hughes towards his desk. They both needed a drink. He poured Mrs. Hughes a whiskey first then one for himself. They both downed it and he refilled her glass. “She hurt you?”

“Not physically.” Mrs. Hughes sniffled. “God, I’ve never seen her like this. What happened?”

he exhaled deeply as he refilled his glass of whiskey. “She tell you about John Carter?”

Mrs. Hughes nods. “Yes. He died in the war.”

“Should have, but didn’t.” He stated as he yanked off his tie. “He was at the institution today.”

Mrs. Hughes stared at him. “No!”

“Yeah.” He exhaled. “Kate recognized him instantly. He, however, had a bullet in his head, which took away his memories. He has no idea who she is.”

“Oh no.” Mrs. Hughes looked towards Kate’s pale figure.

“On top of that, he’s married and his wife is pregnant.”

Mrs. Hughes sniffled and shook her head. “No wonder she’s so upset. She must be devastated.”

“More than that.” He exhaled. “She’d resigned herself to him being dead, not to him not remembering her.”

“She was always in love with him.” Mrs. Hughes shook her head. “She blamed herself so deeply for his death, all those months.”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“She said it was her fault that he was dead.” Mrs. Hughes removed a handkerchief from her pocket and poured some vodka on it. He hissed as she applied it to the bite marks Kate had left in his neck. Damn her to hell, the woman could fight if needed. “She said, he was such a kind and loving man that she’d devastated him when she rejected his offer of marriage.”

“Why?” He asked. "You just said she loved him. Why turn him down?"

“Her father, he didn’t approve of her marrying a doctor.” She glanced back at Kate. “Then on his deathbed, the old fool said he didn’t care if she married a doctor!” he looked at Kate as Mrs. Hughes voice broke. “She could have, been married to him years ago! She’d have been safe, loved and happy, but now…now it’s too late!”

he understood this now. He understood her. He understood what was going on in her head. He’d done this before. She was talking to herself about herself and everything that she’d taken for nearly two years. She’d held all of it down, held it back, fought to control it only to have it break when she realized that she’d lived through all of that for nothing. He looked at her and he didn’t have a clue as to how to help her. 

If circumstances had been different, he’d have annulled his marriage to Kate and let her marry this Doctor of hers. But her doctor didn’t know her anymore and he was in love with someone else. He did feel for her, he remembered how he’d felt the day he’d found out that Grace had been married. He’d gone out, gotten drunk, f**ked Lizzie and two others before going upstairs and passing out in his bed. This, it was different for Kate, losing John had been the whole start to her whole life going downhill. Her love for that man had destroyed her life. Now, he was alive, but her life couldn’t be fixed. Kate couldn’t be freed. 

She was stuck being married to him as he was honor bound to respect her as his wife. He didn’t really do that either, but neither of them were conventional people when it came to marriage and marriage vows. She needed something. Something to help her out of this hole, but he didn’t know what it was. Kate needed something to pull her out of this hole. He, was still in this hole, but he had his family. He had Charlie. He had his horses. He had his work. He had so many things that kept him going. Nothing kept Kate going. She let people push and pull her from room to room, never going anywhere of her own accord. She was like a broken puppet, being led around by the few strings of sanity that she had left.

The strings had snapped today and she’d broken. He walked back over to the bed and looked at her. She was unconscious, but still breathing. He undid the belt before asking Mrs. Hughes to come over and get her out of her dress. He hadn’t wanted to tie her up, but she was out of control and she would have hurt herself. The dosage of the chloroform had been light, so she’d wake up in about two hours. But he was at a loss as to what to do when she awoke. He was grateful to Polly for coming over to help with Charlie. She’d moved Charlie to the farthest guestroom so Kate’s screams wouldn’t disturb him. He could handle Arthur when they had moments of hell like this. But her, he didn’t know what to do with her. A woman in pain like this, it was very different from a man. A man, he could tell to just get over it, but Kate, she’d kept it in for months and it had nearly killed her.

She needed something to distract her, something to bring her back to life again, but he couldn’t think of a damn thing. Everything that a woman like her would value, she’d lost. He had nothing to offer her. He lifted her limp figure up into his arms as Mrs. Hughes drew back the covers. They’d share the bed together for their first time, but she was too far-gone out of this world to even notice this. She was shattered beyond recognition and he doubted that she’d ever be whole again.

Chapter 30: Still shattered

Her head was drowning. There was a weight on her chest. Her heart was barely beating. She couldn’t move, every limb in her body was sluggish. She moaned as she opened her eyes, only to freeze in complete terror. She wasn’t in her room. She was lying on the bed in Thomas’s room. She bolted up, a blanket falling from her shoulders. She glanced down at herself and realized that she was only in her brassiere and shorts. She gasped, her hand slipped underneath the blanket to check if he’d raped her while she slept.

“No,” his dry voice caused her to whip around and stare at him. He was sitting at his desk, leaning back, his gaze directed towards a crack in the ceiling. “I did not f**k you.” He glanced at her and asked. “Do you remember anything?”

she thought back. God, it all came rushing back like a nightmare. She remembered seeing John, only he didn’t remember her. He’d gotten married to a beautiful woman who adored him and was going to be the mother of his child. She, was married, to Thomas Shelby who had declared that there would be no divorces in his house. She was stuck married to this man for the rest of her life and she didn’t want to spend even a moment anymore in his presence.

She grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around herself. “Excuse me.”

“I asked you a question.” He stated. 

“I remember.” She said quietly. “Now, excuse me.”

“I locked the door.” She stilled at those words. She turned towards him and he nodded towards the bed. “Mrs. Hughes brought your robe in here last night.”

“Why is the door locked?” she demanded.

“You, were out of control last night.” He stated. “You trashed your room, attacked me and you even spit on Mrs. Hughes.” Kate stared at him. Ok, so, she didn’t remember everything. He crossed his arms. “So, you don’t remember that.”

She shakes her head. “No, Mr. Shelby.”

He studied her and then stated. “I can handle a bite or two,” he stood up and Kate realized that he had a bandage on his neck. “but you owe Mrs. Hughes an apology.”

“I know.” She said, shame filling her as she realized just what she’d done to her. Mrs. Hughes had been nothing but kind to her and she hadn’t deserved that.

“Not just for spitting in her face,” he continued. “but for making the complete mess of your room. She had Mary and Clara helping her, they both left halfway because she was so upset. You broke everything and it’s not fair that a woman of her age had to clean that up!”

“I said I was sorry!” The words just burst out of her.

“Oh, I know.” He said in a low voice. “I f**king know exactly what’s going on through your head. And I’m telling you here and now, that you don’t get to do that in my house.” She dropped her gaze, only to have him grab her chin and force her to look at him. “If you need to do that, you do it outside. Don’t do it in the barn, I won’t have you scaring the horses.”

“I didn’t mean---

“And you scared the hell out of Charlie.” He stated, causing the blood to drain out of her face. “I had to have Polly take him out while I had to chloroform you.” Her heart started beating faster in her chest. “I know, that you didn’t want me to touch you and I know that you can’t stand being tied up, but I didn’t have a choice. But when you put that glass to your throat,” she jumped. God! She’d forgotten that bit! It all came running back to her. “I wasn’t going to give you the moment to run away from me and do something stupid.”

She stared at him. She’d been upset, but the moment he said ‘stupid’ all her emotions changed to anger. “Stupid?”

He nodded. “Yeah, stupid.”

“You’re a f**king bastard,” she spat at him. “you, you lost your wife. Don’t you DARE call my grief stupid!”

“I’m calling your actions stupid.” He stated with a look that was nearly akin to disdain. “And I am still mourning my wife, who I love. You’re the one cutting your throat for someone who doesn’t even f**king remember you!”

“But I remember him!” She shouted. “I remember everything that were supposed to have!”

“But you threw it away,” he stated. “because you were too f**king scared to upset your dad!” her hand flew and Kate went to strike him. He caught her left hand, but he didn’t realize that she’d anticipated this. She was able to slap him with her right hand but he was able secure both her wrists. She tried to break free, but he was stronger than she was. “F**k!”

“Get off me,” she yelled. “or I swear---

“You will,” he snapped as he pushed her into the center of his bed. “stop hitting me!”

“Get off me!” Kate shouted as he pinned her hands to the side of her head. He got on top of her, while he was being careful not to put his weight on her, she was still pinned down. 

“Not till you f**king calm down!” He stated firmly. “You’ve already bit me neck, hit me, I’m not letting you put another hand on me!”

“Ha!” She laughed sharply. “Like you’re not going to!”

“What I do to you in a matter of months,” that made her head snap to attention. “isn’t now.”

“Months?!” She stated. “What do you mean months!?”

he exhaled and asked her. “What’s keeping you sane?” She stared at him. “What’s the one thing that makes you get out of bed?”

she studied him and snapped. “If you’re asking what me I’m living for….I have no reason to be living. You might as well just hand me over to Sabini!”

“If I thought you were that bad off,” he said. “I’d put a bullet in your head.”

“Then do it!” She snapped. “Just do it! Then you can marry Lizzie!”

he snorts. “I don’t want to marry Lizzie.”

“No.” She makes a face and sneers. “You’ll just f**k her.”

He studied her and then asked. “She say something yesterday?”

“So what if she did?” She said. “YOU invited her!”

“She is my secretary---

“Who basically asked for my blessing since you told her that I won’t be satisfying you,” she fights the urge to spit in his face. “for another year and a half!”

he exhales and shook his head. “Will you just---

“I want out!” She shouts at him. “I want out of this marriage!”

“Well I don’t want to be married to you either,” he shouts back in her face. “but we’re f**king stuck!”

“We could just get an annulment!” He shook his head and panic filled her. “Please.”

“No.” He shakes his head.

“I don’t want this!” Kate started crying. “I don’t want you! I-I’m not supposed to be with you!”

“Well, you are!!” He stated. “If I had my way, I’d sell your soul to whoever to get Grace! But I can’t f**king have her back!”

He inhaled. “So, I am stuck with you! Even if I did let you out of this marriage, you’d still have Sabini after you! You can’t go to John,” his words slashed her raw and bleeding heart cruelly. “because he’s married! Not only that, his wife is having a baby and he doesn’t know, who the f**k you are!!”

“He could remember!”

“He won’t!” He said. “I called a doctor when you were out and he said it’s highly unlikely that he’ll remember anything before getting shot.”

She shook her head. “No.”

“He’ll only remember the life he made for himself after she pulled him from the river. He loves his wife, so he’s not going to throw her over for you!” He stated. “Those days you two had together are gone! You have to shut the door on it!”

“No!” she shook her head. She knew what he was trying to do, but she wasn’t ready to accept that yet.

“Shut the f**king door on it!” He shouted at her. “It’s over!”

“I can’t! I love John!”

“But he doesn’t love you!” He shouted back at her. Those words were beyond harsh. He was a cruel man, she’d known that. Her mistake, was assuming that he could be physically abusive. No, that wasn’t where his talent lay. He used words in the way that George used his fists. Right now, she would have preferred the fists. “And he is never going to love you back!”

"He was supposed to!!" 

"He doesn't!" He shouts. "And even if he were free to love you, I wouldn't let you go to him! And if you tried, I'd f**king kill him because Sabini would go after both of you. I made the promise to your father, not to his and I am not going to let you kill yourself!"

That was the exact moment that Kate knew that her life was over. She'd been George's whore, now, she was Thomas's prisoner. She just gave up. She felt it. Every inch inside of her died. Her life was over. Her heart was now so broken it was almost as if she didn't even have a heart. She had nothing to live for. No reason to fight. There was no reason to even wake up in the morning except to do Thomas's biding. It's just John, John had kept her sane somehow during all those times of hell. Focusing on him had been a way to get through it because she'd believed that she'd deserved every blow that George had dealt to her because of how she'd betrayed John. But in the end, no one had betrayed any one. Fate had decided to deal her a cruel hand. Now, none of it had been real. She suffered for no reason, punished herself for betraying her heart only to realize it was all a nightmare and she was back in reality.

“I should have married him.” The words started streaming uncontrollably out of her. “He would have never gone to war! He’d have never been shot! I’d have never married George and I certainly wouldn’t be married to you right now!!” Her voice rose as she screamed. “Now he’s alive but I’m stuck with you!!” Kate just started sobbing. “Oh God!!”

Thomas somehow managed to get off her and sit back on his knees, while tugging her into his lap. Kate didn’t know why she did, but she just grabbed onto him and held onto him tightly while she cried. As she sobbed into his neck, he wrapped an arm around her waist and the other around her head. And he didn’t let go of her for a long time.

---

Thomas parted her legs, spreading her so both her legs rested on either side of his. “I’ve got you.” He assured her as she just let everything out. Unlike yesterday, the sobs weren’t out of control. This was hard. He hadn’t even thought about what her life would have been like if she’d followed her heart instead of respecting her father’s wishes. That realization forced him to see just how broken her life was. She honestly had nothing in this life. He sat back, on the bed, stretching his legs out from under him, getting comfortable because Kate was going to be crying for a good hour or two.

The door to his room opened and Mrs. Hughes came in, clearly worried. Her eyes widened as she saw Kate on top of him. “Oh God.”

“It’s alright, Mrs. Hughes.” he stated. “I’ve got her.”

“Is she---

“I’ve got her, Mrs. Hughes. She’ll need food in an hour.” He glanced at her as Kate dug her fingers into his back. “She’ll be fine.”

Mrs. Hughes nodded and stepped out of the room. She bit her lip and said. “The robe is on the bed, Mr. Shelby.”

He nods and reaches for it, still cradling Kate’s body. He didn’t realize the position that Kate was in until then. As he draped the robe around her shoulders he realized that she was straddling a certain part of his anatomy. He shook his head. The body could betray a man at the worst of times. Her being dressed in this lacy, two-piece didn’t help things, especially in the way she was clinging to him. He covered her up as best as he could and thought about other things while she held onto him.

Kate needed something in her life. She needed something, a reason to get up in the mornings. Something that would occupy her thoughts and would keep her busy throughout the day. Something that could give her a purpose of being. He had his work and while Charlie was here, he wasn’t really hers. She knew this. She was the stepmother. The moment that thought crossed his mind and he knew exactly what it was that Kate needed in her life, but she was nowhere near ready for it.

Chapter 31: The decision

“Wake up.” She knew that voice. It was Thomas shaking her awake. She let out a moan and turned onto her side. She was laying on something strange feeling. She looked around….and realized that she was in bed with Thomas Shelby. She bolted off him, a robe falling off her shoulders, which caused her to shriek as her face heated red. “We’ve already done this, Kate.” He stated as he got up off the bed. “No, I didn’t f**k you and Mrs. Hughes got you out of your clothes.”

“It’s not decent!” She states as she grabs the robe and pulls it around her body tightly. “You have no right!”

he looks at her. “I’m your husband, I have every right. However,” he pointed out. “you’ll notice that I haven’t forced you fulfill your duties to me as my wife.” She inhales sharply and drops her gaze. “There’s clothes on my desk,” he states. “put them on and then come downstairs.”

“But---

“Now!” He said firmly. “And don’t you f**king argue with me.”

What was the point of arguing with him? He always won anyway. He stepped out of his room and closed the door. Kate sniffled and moved towards the desk. There was a simple blouse and skirt on there for her. She just did it. She moved automatically through everything.

She’d just sat down to lace her shoes when the door opened. She looked up to see Mrs. Hughes standing there. Kate remembered what he said about her treatment of Mrs. Hughes. Guilt swamped her as she inhaled. “Mrs. Hughes, I’m so sorry.”

“I know.” Mrs. Hughes hurried towards her, an accepting, maternal expression on her face. “You’re hurting. You’ve been hurting for a long time.”

Tears filled her eyes. “Still…it-it wasn’t fair, to you.”

“I know.” Mrs. Hughes held her close and Kate let the tears silently roll down her cheeks. “It’s a hard thing you’ve discovered. To find the man that you’ve lost and faithfully loved for all these years is still alive. And not only that, he’s married, expecting a baby and moved on.” Kate choked back a sob. “Meanwhile, you’ve been hurt beyond words and I’m sure memories of him, his love and his kindness sustained you.” Kate nodded in agreement. “I think…you need to continue thinking of him as truly gone.”

“But,” she cried. “he isn’t.”

“Isn’t he?” Mrs. Hughes asks. “Is he the same man you knew?” he wasn’t. Mrs. Hughes sighed. “I’m not saying this to be cruel, but…I think if you thing of him as dead…it may help you much more than you realize.”

Kate inhaled. “But how can I stop loving john? It just wont’ stop!”

“It’s not meant to stop.” Mrs. Hughes said gently. “Not right now at least. You loved and lost a good man. Right now, your heart is broken, it’s aching and you think that you don’t have the strength to keep on going.”

“I don’t.” She whispered. “I fell as if…al the life that I had left inside me got beaten out with a hammer.”

“You know my weaknesses for boxing, so I’ll tell it to you like this.” Mrs. Hughes wrapped an arm around her. “You’re down, but you’re not out yet. I’ve seen you go through things that I wouldn’t have been able to bear. Had I been in your shoes…I’d have died a long time ago because I’m not strong enough. I don’t have the will or the constitution to survive like you did.” Mrs. Hughes tightened her grip. “I know, that it feels like the world has come crashing down on you and that your entire world is over. But one day and I do mean one day. I don’t mean tomorrow or next month even. Things like this take time. One day, you’ll wake up and realize that the sun is shinning, the birds are singing and you’re happy to be alive.” She pulled back and Mrs. Hughes wiped away at the tears staining her eyes. “I promise.”

Before Kate could respond, the door opened and in came Thomas. He exhaled as he looked at her. “Ready?”

She could only nod. “Yes, Mr. Shelby.” 

He jerked his head to the side. “Come on.”

She licked her lips as she croaked. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” He nods at Mrs. Hughes as she passes by him. “I’ll be back later.”

“I’ll have dinner waiting for both of you when you come back.”

“Right.” He placed his hand in the small of her back and gave her a nudge forward. Although he didn’t say it…Kate had a funny feeling that she wouldn’t be coming back.

---

“Come here.” Thomas said as he reached for Kate. She timidly placed her hands on his shoulders and carefully hopped off the horse. He inhaled as he removed his hands from her waist and nodded towards the log. “Sit down a minute.”

She nodded and moved quietly towards the log. As he moved to tie up his horse, he hoped that he knew what the hell he was doing. He’d dealt with Arthur wanting to kill himself. John, hadn’t had the issue himself, but he’d had his kids to hold onto. He’d thought about it himself, considered it, but Charlie had pulled him back. What he was going to do was one of the bigger calculated risks he’d ever made in his life. But he needed to make that risk. He’d been up all night thinking about what he could do for her. She was a responsibility that had been dumped into his lap. However, she was demanding too much from him and he was starting to drown from her weight. 

It was time for her to sink or swim and he hoped that she chose to swim.

He threw the saddle bag over the horses back before heading over towards her. He exhaled as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette. He lit it and blew the smoke into the air before directly addressing her. “I don’t have time for this Kate.” She looked at him. “Before yesterday, everything was doing better, you were doing better.” She shook her head. “You and I, we both have some things that we’re going through. I lost my wife, the love of my life this year. I have a lot riding on my f**king back. I have to protect my family, I have to work and yesterday, I could have lost Charlie.” He looked at her. “I told you before, I’m not a patient man. Nor am I good at dealing with what you’re dealing with. A better man would talk, get you to talk, but to do that, it requires that I talk to you.”

“Mr. Shelby---

“So,” he inhaled. “I was thinking about a decision I had to make. I know, you think I don’t understand, but I do. The difference between you and me is I have a reason. You don’t, but I’m going to let you made the same decision that I made.” He stood up and reached into his pocket. Mrs. Hughes hadn’t seen him get her gun, no one had. He reaches into his coat and pulls out the gun. She stares at it as he hands it to her. She looked at the gun in pure confusion. “You’ve got two choices to make here. The first, you pull that trigger.” Kate jolted as she stared at up him. “You end things, right here, right now and I’ll see to it that you’re buried here.” He looks around. “No animals come here. It’s high ground, so, you won’t be surrounded by mud. It’s a nice place here.”

She just looked at him. “What…is wrong with you?”

A lot, but he didn’t say that aloud. He cleared his throat and kept talking as if he hasn’t heard her. “Or, you can chose to start living again. You and I, we’re married, I have a boy. I don’t love you, you don’t love me but you still have a life that you can live. You have the opportunity to become a mother, if you chose that option. There are many things that you can and will be able to do, if you chose it.” He cleared his throat. “I’ll be down the hill and we’ll go back home.” He put out the cigarette. “I’ve got tea and Mrs. Hughes had them make scones for breakfast this morning if you’re interested.”

With that, he walked over to his horse. He walked down the hill, his heart pounding violently in his chest with each step he took. F**k, he hoped that he hadn’t done the wrong thing.

---

Kate could only stare at Mr. Shelby’s back. She was shocked. He was a jerk! No, a jerk was putting it lightly! Even calling him a bastard wasn’t a harsh enough word to describe him. Who, the hell did things like this? Yesterday, she’d tried to cut her throat and today, he’d pot a gun in her hand.

Strangely enough, she wasn’t as tempted as she had been yesterday. She didn’t know what it was. If it was him, then she was just as sick as he was. However, she had a feeling that it was Mrs. Hughes. She’d known loss, she’d known pain and she was a woman. Mr. Shelby…he was cruel, insensitive and possibly the worst human being on this earth next to Sabini.

At least, that’s what she’d thought until he’d said what a nice place this was. He was right, but, it was the way that he’d said it that had caused her to still. Whether he’d noticed it or not, his voice had softened. She hadn’t realized it until that moment that he didn’t want to live anymore than she did. With that realization, she understood why he’d spoken to her like that. He was dying just like she was, but he kept moving forward. She was dragging him down. He was asking her to decide because she was making him want to give up the fight. He didn’t love her, didn’t want, lover or need her, but he needed to keep going.

Kate looked down at the gun. She looked at it for a very, very long time. She thought about Mrs. Hughes. Mrs. Hughes was probably the only person on earth who probably still loved and cared for her. If Kate killed herself…Mrs. Hughes would be devastated. None of the Shelby family cared for her, except for Charlie. She thought about it. She thought about him. Thought about how he’d already lost one mother. Charlie was doomed to grow up with Mr. Shelby as a father. She could see why it was necessary for him to have someone in his life, but, could she honestly be a mother figure to him? She didn’t know if she could. She was a mess!

John. What could she do about John Carter? She couldn't admit it to herself yet, but she knew that Mrs. Hughes and Tommy were right. The life she'd wanted with John, it was over. He didn't exist anymore. Still, her heart ached for the time lost. She ached for what he'd represented to her. Love, happiness and family. All of that was gone for her now. Yes, Thomas Shelby was her husband, but he loved his dead wife. It was impossible for either of them to make some sort of a marriage together. However, that was the roles they'd been given. Considering how their marriage had started, was it even possible for it to become anything resembling a real marriage?

She set the gun down and closed her eyes, listening to the still and quiet. He was right. It was a nice and quiet place. Just the wind whispering through the trees. She knew what would happen if she went down the hill to him. She’d have to start living again. And he was asking her to start living in the most difficult way ever. He was asking her to be a mother to one of his children. Prior to him nearly killing Sabini, she’d doubted that he would stay true to his word and not hurt her. His actions had confirmed that he was a man of his word. She, however, hadn’t really fulfilled any of the vows that she’d spoken. He’d honored some, but disregarded others. It hurt her to her soul. She’d lived through one loveless marriage. Could she live through another?

The scent of wood burning filled the air and she opened her eyes. It was dark now. She’d been sitting out here for hours. It was chilly too. She looked down the hill. Mr. Shelby was sitting there by the fire, his back to her and his horse was standing over him. as revolting as his idea had been, a part of her had admired that he hadn’t gone home even though he’d waited hours for her. He was waiting patiently for her to make up her mind.
She walked down the hill, her head still spinning, but that was partially due to her feeling lightheaded. She hadn’t eaten for twenty-four hours. So, she had to walk slowly and cautiously down the hill. And she managed to make it down the hill without falling. She swallowed uneasily as she stood in front of the campfire. He was sitting there, his eyes closed in quiet contemplation. She wasn’t sure how it was possibly for a man to look alone, yet not completely alone at the same time.

After a few moments, she asked him. “You mentioned scones?”

he glanced up at her. To her surprise, he appeared relieved as he gave her a half smile. “Yeah.” He reached into the saddle bag and handed it to her. “Here you go.” She nodded at him as she took the scones from his hand. He pulled out a few more things before reaching into his coat and handed her a flask. “Whiskey.”

“Thank you.” She took a sip of whiskey first for courage before stating. “I want to talk terms, about how we intend to live out the rest of our days.” He studies her as she added with a break in her voice. “Things can’t go on the way they are anymore.”

He studied her for a long time. Kate’s heart started to pound in her throat and she begged God above that Thomas Shelby wouldn’t deny her request.

Chapter 32: New terms

He wasn’t expecting that. He was fairly certain that she wouldn’t kill herself, but he wasn’t expecting her to come down and start making demands of him. Well, they weren’t really demands. They were more like requests. She was still worn out and exhausted, but once again, that unknown force kept pushing her forward.

He nodded at her. “I’m listening.”

She wouldn’t look at him. She was pulling chunks from the scone and popping them into her mouth. After a moment, she said. “I want to be left alone.”

“No.” He instantly shook his head. 

“For a month.” She stated without looking up. “I’ve not had time to mourn my father. I’ve not been allowed to visit his grave. I need time…to get through this.” She inhaled. “I want to do it, without people pushing at me and making decisions for me. I need time to think.”

He understood. Everyone had left him alone when Grace had died. Now, in hindsight he realized that Kate hadn’t had that moment. The day she’d arrived, Polly had put her through a bunch of doctors and surgery. She’d barely recovered from the surgery when she found herself married to him and her father was dead. She was asking for what he needed .the silence. The time to think, to grieve and ponder. She hadn’t been given that time.

He exhaled as he nodded. “Alright. You have all of September.”

She hesitated. “I want my meals left outside my room. I don’t want to be disturbed by anyone.”

Ok, that was a little risky. He studied her. “I want all sharp and dangerous objects removed from your room.”

“I’m not going to do that again.” She said without looking up at him.

“Still,” he stated. “I’m going to remove the dangerous things. You’ll get your weapons back in October.”

She nods. “Alright.”

After a long minute of silence, he prompted her. “Anything else?”

She nodded before stating. “You’ve forced me to realized that I have two options in life now. I can end it…or I can carve out what little life I can for myself with you.” He could tell she didn’t want to do that anymore than he did. He, unlike her, had accepted it a while ago. She was now coming to terms with it. She inhaled deeply. “I’ve been alone for so long now that learning to be lonely with you won’t be so difficult an adjustment.”

He shakes his head. “You won’t be alone. You have Mrs. Hughes. Charlie. My family.”

“Only Mrs. Hughes and Charlie.” She said quietly .”That is all I have Mr. Shelby.”

He shakes his head. “No, you have my family.”

“No, I do not.” She says. “We have polite conversation but I am no more a member of your family that I am your wife. I want…you and your family…to stop cutting me out.”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“We’re married, but I am not treated as your wife. I’m treated as little more than a servant.”

“That’s not---

“It is true.” She stated quietly. “When you were in the hospital, no one notified me. I was told a week later.” Ok, he wasn’t aware of that. True, the marriage had been new, but he was sure it was an oversight on their parts and it hadn’t been done on purpose. “When I rescued Charlie, you were the only person who bothered to thank me. No one asked if I was alright, I got pushed aside even though I could barely breathe.” She shook her head. “I wouldn’t have even noticed John if any of you had bothered to look at me.” She wiped her eye. “We only met again…because he was the only person in the room, that saw I needed help.”

Ok, he wasn’t expecting this to take such a turn. He thought back on it. In truth, he’d been so relieved to see Charlie that he hadn’t a moment to think about her. But yes, he did remember her gasping for air. People had pushed her back so they could crowd in and see Charlie. They were family but she was his wife. He should have helped her as well. He’d failed again to take care of his wife. Grace had died because of his inability to protect her. While he didn’t love Kate, he wasn’t willing to let her go through the same fate that Grace had. He made a note that he and others had to start treating her more like his wife.

“No one thanked me for rescuing Charlie, except for you. When John showed up, everyone stayed with you. No one went after me when I left the office, even though…I was crying.” she inhaled raggedly as her voice broke. “None of you…noticed that I was missing. If you want me to be your wife, then I ask that I be treated like one.”

“Alright.” He said apologetically. “I don’t think they realized.”

“It’s because…I don’t matter to anyone.” She sniffled. “George treated me like that. I-I can’t, go through it again.”

He nodded. “Alright.” She was finally being open a little bit instead of making him and his family guess as to what was going on inside her head.

After another moment of silence, she spoke. “I’ll see if I can give you that baby.” He wasn’t expecting that. The cigarette fell from his hand as he turned to look at her. He couldn’t read her fully this time. Her gaze was lowered and her eyes were swollen from hours of crying. “But I will only give you the same amount of time that I gave George. You have 2 years to get me pregnant.”

“Hold on,” he asked. “starting now, or from the first time I have you?”

She bites her lip, thinking about it before adding. “From, the first time.” He picks up the cigarette. “Come January, I’ll move into your room and not a day earlier.”

He nods. “Alright.”

She hesitates and then asks. “Why are you agreeing with everything?”

“Because you haven’t asked me anything unreasonable yet.” He studied her before stating. “I know…you have one more thing to ask me.”

She exhaled and stated. “From here on out…I do not want to see Lizzie again.” Ok. He wasn’t expecting that. “If I’m at an event, especially one that is deemed to be a family event….she is not to attend.”

Ok, that was unusual. Why was Lizzie always bother her. Then, a strange thought crossed his mind. “Are you jealous of Lizzie?”

“No!” She practically snapped at him. “I am not! I’d have to care about you to be jealous, so no, I am not jealous of her!”

“Then what the f**k is the issue?” He asked. “Lizzie is my secretary---

“That you have a sexual relationship with.” She points out.

“Because I am not touching you.”

“Which I appreciate,” she bites out. “but you crossed the line with her!”

He exhales, fighting to keep the exasperation out of his voice. This woman was very confusing at times. “You said, that I could f**k her.”

“That is not the problem!” Kate states. “The problem is you tell her about me!”

“She wanted to know why I was bending her over my desk when I could f**k you!” He stated. Kate turned aside. “She needed to know it was alright.”

“You could have said,” she bit out. “that you were waiting till you knew me better! My personal problems…did not need to be told to her!”

And, she was right again. He nods at her. “Alright. I won’t talk to anyone about our arrangement again”

She inhaled deeply. “You can do whatever you want with her behind closed doors. But I will not be accosted by her at another event shamed for refusing to sleep with you after everything that happened.”

Ok, that he didn’t like. He studied her and asked. “What did she say?”

She was silent before stating. “She said…if I wasn’t going to take care of your needs, then someone else would.” He closed his eyes and rubbed his head. Damn Lizzie, she spoke out of turn sometimes. “Apparently, I don’t need to worry because she’s just helping you get out of your head.”

He snorts in laugher at that. “Ah Lizzie, thinks she f**king knows me, does she?”

“Apparently so.” She was quiet for a minute. “I do not care if you’re with her. I’m not ready and I won’t be for a while. But, I will not be treated like that again.”

“You won’t be.” He said firmly. “She had no right to talk to you like that. I won’t relay anything to her or anyone else.”

“I appreciate that, Mr. Shelby.”

He studied her for a good minute before asking. “Anymore terms?”

“No, Mr. Shelby.”

“Good.” He exhaled and put his cigarette in the fire. “I need a few things from you.”

“You need me to leave you be.” She said quietly, causing him to look at her. She bit her lip. “I didn’t realize…until today that, you don’t want to be here anymore than I do.”

Ok, she was just full of so many f**king surprises. He’d never said anything like that. “What makes you think that?”

“The way you said how nice it was here.” She said quietly. “Almost as if…you wouldn’t have minded being laid to rest here.”  Oh, she was good. She hadn’t even been looking at him when he’d said that. She’d heard it and known. She was silent before adding. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what?” He asked.

“Living.” She inhaled. “I don’t know much about your past. But I do know, that you are going through your own personal journey through hell.” His heart stilled and slowed down at those words. “You’ve lost your wife, nearly lost Charlie. You were nearly killed and you’ve got all that other business going on in your life. On top of that, you got saddled with me.” She inhaled. “I’ve been too absorbed in my misery to even see that, you’re suffering as much as me.” He reached for the whiskey and took a drink. “Another reason for my month alone, is to give you some time, without me adding to your burdens.” She inhaled. “All things considered, you’ve been very respectful to me and my wishes. I haven’t been as respectful in my selfishness. You’ve protected me, put yourself in harms way, while I have done nothing. So, I’d like to try and give you some space as well.”

He was silent for a long time. She wasn’t selfish, she was in pain and she carried it differently than he did. Still, he did appreciate her wanting to give him some space and by God, did he need it. She’d started consuming his thoughts. It was at the point where he was concerned to find himself near to her; for fear that his presence would upset her. He was walking on eggshells in his own house and he was sick of it. But he did need her away from him for a bit. He hadn’t even finished mourning Grace before he’d exchanged vows with Kate. Hmm, Grace. He could still feel her around him. Feel her soft skin under his hands, hear her soft laugh and voice when he was least expecting it. Words could not explain the guilt that he felt about marrying Kate. He’d betrayed Grace and their love by marrying her so soon. He understood the necessity, but that did not make things any easier for him. There was so much going on, especially with the robbery coming up. She was just one more thing to do on his list. However, by taking to her room, she was one less thing for him to deal with. And right now, that was probably the best thing that she could give him.

After a moment, he said. “You had a lot to think about while you were up there.”

“Easy when there’s no one there.” She said quietly. “Silence is nice.”

He nodded. “Yeah.” He studied her for a bit and exhales. “I agree to your terms. But, I have one or two of me own.”

She bites her lip. “What are they?”

He clears his throat. “Lizzie, what she said to you was wrong. I won’t discuss you again.” She nods her head in thanks. “But, I will keep her as my secretary. I will explain that she’s not to come to any more events and she is to respect you as my wife from here on out.”

She nods, twisting the empty napkin in her hand. “Thank you, Mr. Shelby.”

He inhales and states. “Also…I want you to try and call me by my name.” She went still. “We are married. I should call you Kate and you should call me Tommy.”

She hesitates and asks. “Is Thomas alright?”

He didn’t like being called Thomas; still, she said it nice enough. He nods. “Yeah.”

“Ok…Thomas.” She stuttered a little bit. “Anything else?”

“Yeah.” He was silent before stating. “I know, you’re not ready for me to touch you and I know, that it’ll be hard for you when that time comes.”

“Mr. Shelby---

“Kate,” he reminded her. “I just want you to know that I won’t hurt you. I’ll make sure that it’s as good for you as I can make it.” She inhaled raggedly. “Also,” he ran his hand through her hair. “you need something in your life, Kate. It’s not me and I think we know that Charlie’s not enough for you right now.”

“He’s your son.” She said quietly. “He’s not mine.”

“Not by blood.” He was quiet before stating. “I can give you whatever you want. I’ve got enough money to pay for anything. But I can’t fill that hole inside you.” She nods in agreement. “Charlie fills it for me.” He hesitated before adding. “You need someone to fill that hole for you.”

She goes still, pondering before stating. “You’re saying…I need a baby.”

He nods. “You need something Kate. But the thing is,” he paused before admitting. “I still love Grace. I’m not ready… just yet, start a whole new life with you.” She nodded. “That’s why I asked for two years. You need time. I need time.”

“I understand.”

After a moment, he says. “When we’re ready…we’ll try. Ok?”

She bites her lip and nods. “Yes…Thomas.”

It sounded odd hearing her call him Thomas, especially after she called him Mr. Shelby so frequently, but he’d adjust. He exhaled and looked up. It was nearly 7:00. Mrs. Hughes was most likely worrying about them. He stood up and put out the fire. He held his hand out to her. “Come on. Time to go back.”

She nods. “Yes.”

She took his hand and he led her back to his horse. In a matter of months, their lives together were going to change up completely. It was time for them to try and start living together and Mr. and Mrs. Shelby, even though someone else had a hold of their hearts and always would.

---

Author's note: Take it a bit easy on Tommy in the comments. I know it's easy to get a bit caught up in the heat of the moment. But do remember that he is Tommy Shelby after all, not Superman. His character wonderfully flawed and that's how he'll be!

Chapter 33: Closure

Two weeks later,

---

She needed this. She needed peace and quiet. There was nothing more beautiful than silence. Yes, the silence would get disrupted by Charlie crying. Kate would occasionally visit Charlie when Thomas was out. Mrs. Hughes and the other staff knew that she wanted time alone so whenever she came into a room, everyone left. It had felt strange at first the moment that it had happened. But now, she felt as if she was a breeze blowing any possible troubles from her path.

She’d even begun to sleep again. A deep, uninterrupted sleep, without any fear of being hurt. Just three days ago, she’d finally removed the chair away from the door, no longer scared of anyone breaking in and hurting her. She noticed that she began to gain a little bit of weight and her hair shone brightly. She felt as if she were an ugly duckling, finally emerging from the pile of leaves and mud to see that she was actually a beautiful swan. 

Her mind was less cluttered and her head ached less. She’d wrestled coming to terms with everything that had happened to John. It had been hard. It had been exceedingly hard. First, she’d had to adjust to the idea of John being back. Then for hours she’d sat and pondered on her feelings regarding john. She loved him, but the mutual love that they shared all that time ago…it was changed, drastically. That, was possibly the hardest for her to bear. There had always been a space in her heart for him and she’d always held deeply onto him and the memories. Somehow, with his appearance, that space in her heart was empty. Now, every fiber of her being was empty. She wasn’t entirely sure if she could ever be whole or complete again.

There was a loud knock on the door. She sighed. She was promised a month in solitary, yet she was still disrupted. “Go away.” She knew who it was. Only he bothered to disrupt her life and break his promise.

“Kate,” it was Thomas. “I need you to come downstairs.”

“No.” She said firmly as she looked back out the window at the rain coming down. “I was promised a month alone.”

He exhaled. “There’s a phone call for you.”

She frowned. “From who?”

“Get downstairs and answer it.”

“No.”

He grumbled before stating. “Go downstairs and answer the phone. If you don’t answer it, I’m going to get the key and I will march you downstairs myself.

She wasn’t even dressed, but who cared? She was the lady of the house. She pulled her robe on and unlocked the door. Thomas escorted her down the stairs and into the library. She said nothing to him. He picked up the phone and spoke into it. “Hello? Yeah, she’s here.” He hands her the phone and says. “It’s for you.” 

She hesitates. “Who is it?”

“Answer the phone, Kate.”

She shakes her head. She doesn’t appreciate this. She doesn’t appreciate being ordered about, but he is Thomas Shelby. Arguing with him is illogical and exhausting. She inhaled and exhaled before speaking into the phone. “Hello?”

Kate? Her heart stopped and she nearly dropped the phone. She turned towards Thomas who was nudging her towards his chair. It’s me, John.
“John.” She cleared her throat as she sat down. Her head was spinning. “You, you remember me?”
No. I’m sorry, it seems like my memory loss is permanent. He exhaled. You were right. They were my parents.
“Oh,” she inhaled. “so, you got to meet them?”
Yes. They had photos and everything, including the letters from you.
Her face heated. “Oh.” For some reason, it felt strange that he was reading the letters. Mrs. Hughes was right. It was like having a virtual stranger reading her letters.

He cleared his throat. It’s alright, I just wanted to understand and…know why you knew me after not seeing me for so long. I hope that was alright.

She inhaled deeply. “Of course. Those are your letters. I wrote them to you. You had a right to read them.”

He was silent before adding. We were very much in love back then, weren’t we?

Tears trickled down her cheek as she nodded. “Yes, we were.”

He hesitated before asking. I won't lie, after reading those letters, I felt like I had to reach out to you. Your feelings for me, he exhaled. I don’t mean to come off as presumptuous, but….you said you still loved me. After everything, I felt like I should talk to you. There must have been many things that you wanted to say, but couldn't. 

Had he asked her this that day, she’d have told him yes. But today, she’d mourned, she’d grieved, she’d had time to think. She wasn’t the same anymore. Her feelings had changed had she knew that the love she’d had for him had faded. “No.” She shook her head, fighting back the tears. “I’m not in love with you John.” She bit her lip. “I said you were the man I ‘loved’. Past tense.” That was a lie, but she believed that she would be forgiven for that little lie. It was time to set him free, find her way to live in the present. She couldn’t do that if John was in her head, holding onto every memory for her sanity.

Oh! John sounded relieved. My apologies. I misheard.

“It’s alright.”

He laughed. Well, now we know that the bullet wasn’t helping my ears any.

“No.” She laughed faintly before asking. “How long are you and your wife staying in England?”

We’re going back to France on Monday. Today was Friday. I was calling to see if you and your husband were able to join us for dinner. God, she couldn’t bear that just yet. But, he mentioned that you’ve been a bit under the weather. So, I figured that I could talk and, hopefully help you find the closure that you needed.

“Yes. I am not feeling well.” She coughed. “I haven’t been feeling well. I think, I caught something from Charlie.”

Thomas shot her a look, clearly annoyed that she used his son as an excuse. John chuckled. Yeah, I’ve heard kids are always getting sick and bringing their colds home to the parents. He exhaled happily. God, I can’t wait. Eve’s having twins apparently.

“Congratulations.” She said as her heart broke. "You and Eve, you're very happy?"

Very. She took care of me and when I was ready to go back to England, I couldn't leave her. I chose to stay in France and that's where our hearts are. Well, I hope in the years to come that you and Mr. Shelby will be blessed with children as well.

She smiled even as her heart broke. “Thank you John.”

I am glad that you’re happy Kate. Reading those letters, I understood why it was such a shock for you. I truly hope you’re happy. I’d hate it if you spent the rest of your life alone because of me.

Oh, he had no idea. She was alone, but in this moment, she decided that the greatest gift that she could give John was peace of mind. “I won’t be alone John. I have Mr. Shelby and Charlie. I’ll have plenty to occupy my days.”

I’m glad to hear that. John clears his throat. Well, I am sorry that we won’t be able to meet. You take care of yourself and get better. 

“I will.”

Also, having read those letters, he said quietly. I thought it’d be best to burn them and close the door to the past. I hope you don’t mind.

She had to agree. “They’re your letters John. Yours to do with as you please. I didn’t keep yours when I married.” That much was true. But that had happened when she was married to George. He’d found them and burned them many years ago. Not a single letter had managed to survive his anger. 

So, we’re both leaving the past behind us.

She nodded as she admitted. “It appears we are.” She inhaled. “I have to go John, Charlie’s crying.”

I’ll let you go, but Kate, thank you.

“What for?”

For not forgetting me. I’m sorry that I forgot you.

“It’s alright John.” She inhaled as she admitted. “Some things just aren’t meant to be.”

No, they’re not. But, as the saying goes, it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. She had to agree. Goodbye Kate. God bless you, your days and your family.

“And may God protect you, your wife and your family.” There was a moment of silence, then she said. “Goodbye John.”

Goodbye Kate.

She hung up the phone and covered her mouth. It wasn’t supposed to hurt still, but it did. She shook her head and moved to leave the library. The moment she put her hand on the knob, Thomas stated. “That was a brave thing you did.” She paused, but didn’t respond to him. “Letting him move forward with a clear conscience, best gift that you could give him.”

She was silent before admitting. “Someone should be happy in all of this mess. You and I will never be.”

“You can’t know that.”

“Can’t I?” she turned towards him as she stated. “Neither of us love or care for the other. As far as I’m concerned, I was put on this earth to be used, nor to be happy. That’s alright, Mr. Shelby. I’ve made my peace with it. But don’t you ever tell me that I can’t know that I wasn’t meant to be happy. I was unhappy before I met you and I shall be unhappy when I die. That was written into the stars the day I was born.” She nodded her head and stated. “I don’t want to be disturbed again, no matter the circumstances.”

He said nothing more to her and she walked back up to her room. He knew, he understood because he wasn’t living himself either. For some reason, he felt like he could push her around. Perhaps it was because no one could push him around or help him in the way that he thought he was helping her. The heart of the matter was that Thomas Shelby couldn’t be helped any more than she be helped. They were both curse, the pair of them and what little closure she received today wouldn’t free her for this form of hell that she’d bound herself to.

October was coming.

January 1926 marked beginning of the day that she would be leaving her room and joining him his bed. She knew he wouldn’t wait until January 1927 to make put a child into her. He may be a man of his word, but Thomas Shelby was a man with the plan. She knew to expect him to move things forward and the marriage would be consummated in 1926 and she’d likely be carrying his child by 1927. She knew it would be true, but she’d agreed to this life with him and she was making her peace with it. She could only hope that all the promises he’d give her, her father and Polly were true and that he wouldn’t torture her when the time came. He couldn’t love her, but she’d accepted that. She was cursed. She wasn’t made to be loved. She was put here on this earth to be use and she could see in his eyes that he was going to use her. But the thing that still scared her was that she knew that it wasn’t going to be like anything that she’d known before in her life.

Chapter 34: Unreadable

February, 1926

---

He had a plan. 

Thomas was rarely a man with much patience, unless there was some personal gain in it for him at the end. Thanks to Kate, the robbery had been a success. They hadn’t blown up the train. He’d told the Soviets that Hughes was the traitor. Hughes was found dead within twenty-four hours. Charlie was safe. Prior to Kate’s belief that she’d killed both men, she’d only killed one. That man and the nurse wound up telling everything to him while begging for mercy. 

He didn’t grant them mercy.

So much had changed as time passed since then. For some reason, Arthur had decided against going to America. Linda was furious and blaming him for Arthur changing his mind. Arthur had said that it made much more sense to help the kids in the institution and around Birmingham and the leave the Apache’s for the American’s. Everything, around here had become more family oriented. John, had used his share to buy a house in the country so he could raise his kids in the open air. Arthur, had bought a house in the country as well, life had slowed down for both his brothers and he was glad for it. Polly and Ada, they were more interested in the company, not quite ready for some peace and quiet, but Polly had Michael so the maternal instinct was there. For some reason, Arthur and John’s example was starting to appeal to him. He wasn’t sure why, but he knew that if he wanted that, the whole thing with peace and family, he had to make Kate his wife.

Yes, he’d agreed to wait a year, but Lizzie was getting too attached to him, so he'd started sleeping with her less frequently. Now Kate, she needed a baby. Since John and Eve had left for France, she’d changed. She often had a smile on her face, but there was an empty look in her eyes. Yes, she moved more freely around the house and engaged with people, but she was going through the motions. He knew it because he was still doing the same thing himself, but it was time for a change. He needed something to represent stability in his life right now. He’d talked to the doctor who’d done the surgery on her and they’d said that she would be able to give him another child, but it would take time for her body to adjust. Not to mention catastrophic toll on her mind.

He knew exactly what he was going to do though to help her start getting ready. He’d start by getting her used to his touch. Despite all her protests, she always gave in to him. Still he wouldn’t rush her, he’d get her to crave his touch first. Having been denied every form of kindness, any niceties would be viewed as strange or unfamiliar at first. Then, her body would want it. It was a simple guess on his part, but come July or August, she should be ready to complete the legalization of their marriage. The first time, would be difficult for her. Hopefully afterwards, she’d realize that sex wasn’t supposed to be bad. 

January, she’d joined him in his bed and he’d ignored her, acting as if she wasn’t even there. She’d finally relaxed after nearly a week, still, he ignored. Now, it was February and he decided that he was going to touch her for the first time. He glanced at her, she was lying on her side, her eyes closed and her breathing even. 

He turned on the light on her side of the bed, which caused her to moan and shift. Normally, when he went to bed, he changed in the bathroom so as not to disturb her. He’d get into his side of the bed and just get under the covers. Normally, he was later, but he’d finished early tonight and decided that tonight was the night to start trying with his wife.

She turned onto her back and rubbed her eyes. “I was nearly asleep. What is it?”

“Sit up.”

She did so, with a suspicious look on her face. “Why?” he didn’t answer her as he got into the bed. He knew if he said anything that she’d bolt. True, she’d bolt if he didn’t say anything, but he was gambling on the delayed reaction. He reached for her and he saw her eyes widen. She shook her head. “No!”

“Kate.” She flung the covers back and he moved fast. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back into the bed. 

She let out a cry. “No!”

“Kate,” he said as calmly as he could. “it’s alright.”

“I’m not ready!” She said loudly, already on the verge of hyperventilating. “I’m not ready for this!”

“I know,” he stated as calmly as he could. “I’m not f**king you or anything like that tonight.” She went still as she realized what he was saying to her. He tightened his hold on her waist as he yanked her back against him so her back was against his chest. She shivered as he said. “I’m just touching you tonight.”

She glanced towards him suspiciously. “W-what?”

“No sex.” He promised. “Not even going to take our clothes off or anything. Alright?”

“Why?” she asked directly. “Why are you---

“We are supposed to be trying for a baby.” He reminds her. “You’d enjoy having sex much more if you weren’t jumping out of your skin every time I touched you.”

She bristled. “Will you just stop saying that I’ll enjoy sex with you, because I don’t like it!”

He exhales. “What I’m going to do you, will be very different than what they did. You haven’t even really had sex, Kate.” She mumbled something that he couldn’t hear. “What was that?”

“Nothing.” 

He exhaled. This was going to be a long and complicated process, but her stubbornness would make things even more difficult. “Is there anywhere you don’t like to be touched?” She bit her lip and avoided his gaze. “Kate, it’d be easier if you’d talk to me.”

“What’s the point?” She says. “I agreed to have a baby with you. I don’t see why you seem to think it’s necessary that I enjoy the process.”

“Because I don’t want to hurt you.” She stiffened. “There’s no reason for you to be upset the whole time.” She said nothing. He exhaled and nodded. “Alright, I guess I’ll have to guess since you won’t tell me.”

“Like I said,” she practically spit out. “I don’t like sex. I hate it. It’s disgusting.”

“It doesn’t have to be.” 

She didn’t react. She just exhaled and went silent. He ran his hand down her back and she stiffened. He remembered Polly telling him that she’d been bleeding from behind the first day she’d been brought back. He exhaled. He didn’t care for that position, he knew if he went too far into his head that he could hurt the girl and not notice. So, whoever had her, must have been out of their mind to make her bleed through her undergarments and dress. God, she was so tense. He understood why she was tense, he just wished that she’d elaborate a bit, help him understand what did or didn’t bother her because he really didn’t want to hurt her. He pressed his thumb against her lower back and it was like a switch got turned on in her head. 

She let out a whimpering cry and gave a half-lunge forward, but his hand on her waist kept her firmly in place. “It’s alright Kate.”

“I don’t---

“I know.” He said softly. “I know.” She was breathing in and out rapidly. “It’s alright, it’s alright.” He leaned back, keeping her against his chest so she was laying in the bed with him. He held her close, assuring her that she was alright, even as she blinked back tears. He kept repeating those words until her breathing slowed. After a few moments, he decided to calm her unspoken fears. “I don’t like taking a woman from behind. So, I give my word that I’ll never take you there. Do you understand me?”

she nodded. “Yes.”

He was silent before stating. “This is why, I want you to talk to me. I only know about that from Polly. I need to know other places that bother you. I want you to tell me if you can.” She said nothing. He exhaled. He’d just have to learn which places upset her when they happened. “I’m going to touch you a bit. That alright?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

Yes, she was going to be a difficult one. He exhaled and moved his hand from her back to her stomach. He decided not to go below her waist tonight and she relaxed when his hand moved upwards. He was surprised that she stayed relaxed, even has his hand moved towards her breast. He turned his head slightly so he could get a look at her face. Her eyes were half-shut, however, that’s because she was yawning. He shook his head. She was a strange woman he thought as he touched her breast.

No reaction. 

He thought that was a little strange, so he started to play with it. Again, no reaction. Kate didn’t even blink as he caressed her breast in his hand. She fit good in his hand. He knew she had curves, but he never had the opportunity to touch her like this up close before. He glanced at her and realized that her breathing was actually normal. No reaction. He frowned, keeping an eye on her face as he focused on her breast. No matter how he massaged her breast, played with or pinched her nipple, he got no reaction. 

After five minutes of trying to get something from her, Kate actually yawned. “Mr. Shelby, it is getting late. How much longer are you going to keep doing this?”

He stilled. He was absolutely stunned by her reaction. Never, ever, before had he had a woman not to react to his ministrations! Nor had a woman ever been so turned off that she actually yawned! Ok, he needed to think this through a bit more. At this rate, it was looking more like October, November, maybe even Christmas! Kate just didn’t react like a normal and while he knew it was due to her past. A part of him wanted to know what the hell had happened to her to kill her. That’s what happened to her. She was dead, emotionally and physically. She couldn’t react! It was in that moment, that he realized he had another problem. If Kate couldn’t react, then she getting her aroused would be a nightmare. No arousal meant pain and pain meant no pleasure. No pleasure, meant that making this baby would be uncomfortable for them both!

He exhaled and dropped his hands from her waist. “Yeah.” Kate nodded and crawled over to her side of the bed. As she drew the covers up, he said. “Five minutes, every other night. Ok?”

Kate just yawned again and nodded. “Whatever, Mr. Shelby.”

Ok, this was new. This was very f**king new to him. Her reaction, or lack of reaction was very peculiar. He remembered how in the beginning she cringed and flinched if he touched her, even if it was just to help her out of the car door. Now, that he thought about it, ever since John she’d stopped reacting to touch. Almost as if she were immune to it and he needed to find out why. He made a note to talk to her doctor and see what could cause her to act like this.

What was going on, inside her messy little head, that had caused her to turn off completely? Reacting out of fear was one thing, that he could understand. Reacting out of pleasure, he understood. But reacting to nothing…that was something that he couldn’t understand and he needed to figure out why she’d stopped reacting. Her reactions, had been the only way for him to see into her mind and now, the window was shut. He had no clue who he was dealing with now and never before, had a woman been so damn unreadable until her.

Chapter 35: Righting a wrong

One month later,

---

Kate exhaled deeply. She’d been expecting many things, frankly, she’d been expecting the worst. Nothing, hadn’t been on her list of things that she’d thought would happen. It had been a whole month and she could feel him getting frustrated when he touched her, but he never said anything. Now, she didn’t know what was going on, what he wanted from her, so she kept quiet. She wanted to ask him what he wanted, but at the same time, she felt that she needed to know what it was he was asking of her. Then suddenly, all the frustration had vanished one day. And that put her on edge. What had stopped his frustration and why wasn’t he taking his frustration out on her?

The knock on the door caused her to jump. “Kate? You ready?”

She inhaled and grabbed her purse. “Yes, Mr. Shelby.” 

He opened the door for her and surveyed her. “You look nice.”

“Thank you Mr. Shelby.”

He nods as he stands aside so she can pass by him. “Green looks good on you.”

Ok, why was he being nice to her? She nodded, trying to keep her suspicions at bay. “Thank you, Mr. Shelby.” She inhaled as she gripped the railing and went down the stairs. “Which play are we seeing tonight?”

He shrugs. “I forget the name. Just know where the theater it is.”

That was strange. “You bought tickets for a show, but you can’t remember the name?”

He nods. “Yeah. It’s in Italian or something.”

“Is it an opera?” she inquired, trying to get a glimpse into his mind.

he exhales deeply as he reaches into his pocket for a cigarette. “Yeah.”

She bit her lip. “I heard, La Traviata is playing, could that be it?”

He nods as he opens the front door. “Yeah, I think so.”

She hesitated before stating. “The whole opera will be in Italian.”

He nods. “Hired a translator for us.”

She arched a brow. “Really?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, that’s very generous of you.” He opened the door to the passenger seat and helped her into the car. She frowned. Normally, she sat in the back seat, as did he. This was the first time that he’s put her up front with the chauffeur. But then, she realized that there was no chauffeur! He went around the front, walking in purposeful strides to the driver’s side. She couldn’t help but stare at him as he got into the car. She hesitated before asking. “You’re driving?”

“Yeah.” He nods as he starts the car. “His wife’s giving birth, so I let him go.”

She nods. That made sense. “That was, generous of you.”

“His wife lost a baby to the fever.” He shot her a look. “Wouldn’t want him to miss this one coming in the world.”

She nodded in agreement. “Yes.” 

They chatted about a few little things. Light things like the institute and if his entire family would come over here for Easter. However, she’d grown silent as Thomas went off course. She’d been lead to believe that they were going to London, however, they were headed towards Birmingham. At least, that’s what she thought, then, they’d gone off course again and they were now driving on grass instead of the road Her heart started to pound faster and she gripped her purse tightly. She hadn’t brought her gun because he told her they were going to the opera and she trusted him.

“It’s alright.” He said without looking at her. “You’re alright.”

She didn’t believe him. “W-where are we going?”

“If I told you,” he cleared his throat as he slowed down to go around a corner. “you wouldn’t have come.” He moved forward and parked between two other cars. There was a strange building in front of them. He exhaled and got out of the car. She was going to be sick, her heart was pounding so fast in her chest right now that it felt as if it was going to explode. she watched him with a wary eye as he opened the door for her. She hesitated and he nodded his head towards the building. “Come on.”

She inhaled deeply and got out of the car. He closed the door behind her and started to walk towards the house. He paused when he realized that she wasn’t behind him. He extended his hand towards her and she took it out of habit. Suddenly, he stopped and reached into his coat to hand her a note. “What?” She frowned.

“Read that first.” He said. “Nearly forgot I had it.”

Kate inhaled and exhaled before opening the note. She recognized the hand. The note was from Mrs. Hughes.

---

Dear Kate,

You’re alright. I know, this all must seem strange but if we’d told you, you wouldn’t have gone with him and you needed to go. It was very important.

Mr. Shelby came to me for my help and I was more than happy to oblige him by supplying him with the information he asked me for. I’m sorry for the secrecy, but you’ll see why in a matter of minutes. 

Hold onto him. You’re going to need him.

Mrs. Hughes.

---

Kate stared at the letter. This was confusing. Ominous, wasn’t a word that she’d associate with Mrs. Hughes nature. She looked up at him and asked. “W-what’s going on?”

“You’ll see.” He said quietly as he took her hand again and led up the porch steps into the house. 

It was a normal enough looking, but it was just odd. She didn’t know what it was, but it was odd. They stepped into the house and she noticed that there was practically no furniture around the house. He cleared his throat as he walked into the kitchen. There was a lamp waiting there. He released her hand long enough to light it. He nodded as they went into the walk in pantry. He pushed on something and a wall swung open. Kate stared as he started to walk down the stairs. He held the lantern at an angle so that she could see the stairs as they descended down. They were underground, she could smell the dirt and feel it as they walked along. This whole thing was very strange to her and growing more confusing by the minute.

She held onto his arm as Mrs. Hughes had advised her to do, but she mentally  marked the passageways that they walked through in case she needed to run away. Then, the ground beneath them turned into cobblestones. She frowned as she looked down in curiosity.

“There used to be a way in from another location, but it collapsed.” He said without looking at her. “We had the house built and tunneled down to get here. No one else knows the entry.”

She bit her lip and asked. “What, what’s going on?”

He exhaled, a puff of air appearing at his lips. It was cold down here and her coat wasn’t warm enough. “Righting a wrong.”

She frowned. “I-I don’t understand.”

He exhaled deeply as they rounded a corner to an open space. He paused, guiding her so she stood beside him. Once she stood beside him, he walked into the room. There was some light coming through some barred windows. The space was dark, so it took her a minute to spot Arthur and John against the far wall. There was a man in the room that she didn’t recognize right off. Well, to be fair, his face was covered with blood. Then, the man let out a laugh and her heart froze in her chest. She knew that laugh. She knew that sickening laugh from Hell.

“Charles Price.” He stated as he stripped off his coat. She knew that name. “I think you know him.” She did. She knew it. Of course she knew him. He was George’s chauffeur! Oh God! How? What was he doing here!? A weight settled over her shoulders, causing her to scream and jump back. Thomas held a hand up, trying to tell her that he wasn’t hurting her. The weight over her shoulders was his coat, so he’d noticed that she was shivering. “It’s alright. You’re alright. He won’t hurt you again.”

Again. He knew. How did he know? How did this man always know? How did he know this? She hadn’t told anyone so, how the hell did he know this?! Kate could only stare at him as her world spun around her in a haze of madness. She wanted to ask how he knew, but, she couldn’t find the words to ask him.

“He wouldn’t shut up, Tommy.” John explained through gritted teeth. “Kept on talking.”

Kate felt the blood drain away from her face. God! Now John knew what he’d done! Arthur knew as well! That meant Tommy would know as well! Why? Why wouldn’t he just let her keep things to herself? Why did he insist on inserting himself into every single corner of her life?

“It’s fine John.” He nudged her towards a chair and she sat down, trying to stop her legs from shaking violently. But she couldn’t. A huge portion of her life was about to be exposed to Thomas and his brother. “He raped my wife.” Her purse fell from her hands at his words. He knew. “And he must answer for that.”

This was the moment that Kate realized that she'd been brought to an execution.

---

He’d looked into the eyes of many men before. He’d thought he’d seen the most evil, the most depraved, but he hadn’t until now. The man before him was absolutely mad. When he’d talked to Kate’s doctor, he hadn’t expected to go down this road. Kate’s doctor had helped him understand what was going on with Kate. It wasn’t anything physically wrong with her, it was something mental. He understood shutting the door on everything, but Kate had shut the door at a strange time. The first time he’d touched her, he’d expected her to fight, to hit him or something like that like before. He’d prepared for all of that, how to calm her down and everything. But he hadn’t expected her to just shut down like that. 

The doctor brought up her trauma and explained things somewhat. That she was shutting down to protect herself. But when he pointed out that Kate had always fought him, the doctor was confused. This confirmed that the doctor was an idiot, but he’d operated on Kate, so he thought he’d offer some insight into Kate’s mind. And he had, just not in the way he’d expected. 

When the doctor said that Kate had been raped by someone after killing George, THAT caught his attention. He’d assumed that George had raped her. But the doctor somehow knew it wasn’t George and the only way the doctor would have known that, would have been from Kate. From what he knew, Kate had gone from George’s house to her father’s. So, it had to have happened on the way to her father’s house.

He’d talked to Mrs. Hughes and she’d instantly said it was the chauffeur. Fortunately, she remembered his name and he’d had the ‘man’ picked up. The man had laughed and spat at Mrs. Hughes. She’d confirmed that he was Sabini’s chauffeur. He didn’t even need to ask he’d raped Kate, he knew it. Her reaction confirmed that as well. He could see it in her eyes and feel it in her body.

Charles Price, started laughing and cackling. “Well!” He spat in Kate’s direction. “I see you still aren’t  pregnant!”

“Shut up.” He snarled as he grabbed ahold of the man’s throat. Charles kept laughing at him, which made him even angrier. “You’re gong to die tonight”

“And?” Charles laughed. “Is that supposed to scare me? You’re not going to kill me for that! I had her consent!” That, he sincerely doubted. The man kept laughing and he nodded at John to bring the box forward. Arthur approached, his jaw set in anger. All three of them, wanted to cut Charles to ribbons. But Kate was his wife, he got the first cuts. “What? You ain’t never f**ked a whore too hard?” No, he hadn’t. Whore or not, women were much more fragile than men and he’d always been careful. When he pulled the scalpel out, Charles asked. “Look, grant a man one last request.”

He exhaled, certain that he wouldn’t grant it. “What is it?”

Charles cackled. “I just want that ass one more time. Come on.”

His brain exploded.

He grabbed the scalpel and held Charles’s eye open with one hand. With that, he cut the man’s eye in half. Charles, let out a scream of pain, but that wasn’t enough to suit him. He slashed him from neck to navel, letting him bleed out slowly. He heard the chair behind him fall and he turned to see Kate standing there, her eyes wide. Suddenly, she bolted from the room. He exhaled and dropped the scalpel. He should have guessed that this would be too much for her. However, he did think that she had a strong will to see the man who’d hurt her die. Once again, he’d underestimated her.

“John, Arthur.” He didn’t say anything else, they knew what to do and they were eager to get their hands on this man. They nodded and he ran after Kate. She wasn’t far. She hadn’t even made it around the first corner. She was on the ground and vomiting violently. He knelt beside her. “Kate?” He said her name loud enough for her to hear him. He didn’t have the lantern, so it was slightly dark here. “Kate? Can you hear me?” 

she couldn’t answer. She spat the final chunks of vomit from her mouth. God, every inch of her was shaking. The moment he touched her, Kate started screaming. “He wouldn’t stop!! Oh, God! He wouldn’t stop!!”

He hesitated, then he placed his hand on her shoulder. He could still hear Charles laughing somehow behind him. He gripped Kate by the shoulder and pulled her up from the ground. She was sobbing and he held her close as he asked. “What happened Kate? You tell me now…what the f**k that man did to you.”

He hadn’t prayed before in his life. But right now, he was praying that if God did exist, she’d finally open up and be honest with him so he could stop hurting her unintentionally.

---

Chapter 36: Giving it all to him

Author's note: This is the chapter that earned the 'Explicit' rating. So, check the tags.

There are 3 sections. Thomas's POV is the 2nd and least descriptive.

This will be the last chapter detailing the abuse.

---

She didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to tell him. But for some reason, she felt compelled to speak to him; it was almost as if she had no choice. Regardless of her feelings, all the words just came out. It was almost as if the dam holding her back the horror broke and it couldn’t be contained a moment more.

“I-I paid him! I-I gave him 200 pounds to get my to my father! It wasn’t enough!” she hiccuped. “He-he wanted me!”

Thomas held onto her. “Kate---

“I agreed. I-I didn’t realize…my gun was empty.” She was in shock. She inhaled as her mind flew back to that moment and went through her final hours of torture before finally escaping Hell. “He, he pulled me from the car, pushed me on the ground,” she inhaled and sobbed. “oh, God! I-I could barely walk after. I-I was bleeding. He was laughing. He got me to, my father’s. I-I was getting out of the car. He grabbed me.” Her fingers were digging so tightly in his forearm that they ached. “I-I said…to stop. He-he grabbed me by the throat.” A wheezing sob came out of her. “George said no. George said no one, was to come inside me. No one. He forced me. He wouldn’t stop.” He held tighter onto her. “He said…he’d get me pregnant.” She let out a groan. “God, then he made me clean him up! Oh, God, I can still taste the blood!!”

not just the blood. Her blood and that vile man’s seed filled her mouth. As she cried, Thomas held onto her tighter. “Was that the first time, Kate?” he demanded lowly. “Was that the first time he put his hands on you?”

she shook her head. “No.”

“When was the first time?”

Kate started crying harder. “God don’t.” She begged him. “Don’t make me tell you.”

“Tell me, Kate.” He said in a firm voice that made it clear that she wasn’t to deny him. “Tell me now.”

Once again, she couldn’t deny him and his order. “I-I ran away.” She inhaled raggedly as she buried her face in his chest. “For 6 months…George hurt me. I-I didn’t have anything. I ran, on foot. It took me a week, to make it home. George had men looking for me, but I made it. I-I got to my father, he called his lawyer who started, divorce proceedings.” She closed her eyes. “His lawyer was killed the next day. George, Darby and his men stormed the house…and they,” she inhaled. “they put a gun…to my dad’s head as George whipped me. I agreed to return. My father…he made the deal with Darby and George, he said that he’d pay them to stop. They agreed and said, they’d take me to a doctor. I came to in George’s house, where I was tied face down in the bed. He-he took my clothes…I remember, blood on the sheets. I was forced to stay there… for a week. I was fed, once a day. I wasn’t allowed, to go to the bathroom. A-a maid, Louisa changed my sheets halfway through the week and he shot her.” tears ran down her cheeks. “She was then…placed in the bed next to me and left there.”

He held onto her so tightly that Kate let out a yelp of pain. “F**k, I’m sorry.” He said running his hand gently down her back. “I’m sorry.”

“George untied me…told me to bathe. I came out of the bath, to see Charles and three other men in the room. George sat there….with a bottle of wine and said. “F**k her hard.” I ran,” she cried. “they kicked down the door and…pulled me out by my hair. George said… “Don’t come in her c*nt. Don’t want the b*tch getting pregnant by anyone but me.” and they,” bile filled her mouth as she admitted. “tore my dress and, did what they wanted, for hours. George ordered them to stop and I-I thought he was done. But, he….shoved a soda bottle in me.” she inhaled. “I tried to fight…they held me down. He shoved it…in and out, before…raping me.” Tears blurred her eyes. “I thought, we were done, I didn’t realize that I was bleeding till he poured alcohol--- 

“Enough Kate,

“No! you wanted know!” she cried. “They kept going until I passed out. When I woke up, I was tied to the bed again. A doctor was attending me. George was there and he said, “If you ever run away from me again….it’ll be worse for you.” so I didn’t try to run away again. it took months for me to fully heal and he raped me while I was healing. I needed stitches and he repeatedly tore them, because he, he liked to see me cry. Said I looked pretty when I cried. And I swore… that when my dad was buried, I was going to kill that f**king monster!”

By now, she was crying so hard that she was choking on her own spit and drool was running down the corners of her mouth. She couldn’t tell him anymore. She just sobbed, wailed and let everything out until the darkness came and swallowed her up.

---

God, she looked so broken right now, Thomas thought as he carried Kate’s limp body up the stairs. She couldn’t stop crying, even in her sleep she cried. Mrs. Hughes was just coming out of his room and her eyes widened. “Oh, my God!”

“Open the door, Mrs. Hughes.” He ordered calmly. When she turned around to open up his door, he shook his head. “No. Her room.”

Mrs. Hughes nods and hurries towards her room. He tightened his grip on Kate. He did not want to let her go. He wanted to wrap her up in a blanket and protect her from the whole f**king world. Yes, he’d said that she should start sleeping in his bed, but, he’d started moving way too fast for her. 

“What happened?”

“She passed out.” He said calmly. “She was crying so hard.”

“My God.” Mrs. Hughes drew back her covers. “No matter what I do, I always seem to hurt the child more.”

“You did the right thing.” He said as he laid Kate down on the bed. She didn’t even stir. He exhaled, bile swirling in his stomach. “I’ll be back.”

Mrs. Hughes nodded as Thomas left the room. He needed a drink. Arthur and John had kept Charles barely alive. Charles had gotten sick all over himself and gone into shock after what they’d done to him. Not a single inch of him hadn’t been cut, in some areas to the bone. He’d be dead in the morning and the body would be disposed of later. For now, the body would be used for other things. Arthur and John, they hadn’t done this kind of work for a good few months. When he told them, it was a matter of avenging Kate’s honor, they’d jumped in on it. When they’d heard what Charles had done, they wanted to kill him. Kate, his family weren’t too close to her, but that didn’t stop them from avenging her.

He poured himself a whiskey. As he downed it, the whiskey hit his stomach acid and he barely made it to the sink to vomit. He was sick to his stomach. This happened very rarely. He had no idea. He had no idea, it had been that f**king bad for Kate. Yes, he knew there was rape and she’d been beaten once. But never, never had he considered torture on that level. How the f**k was she even alive!? How was she still able to breathe and walk!? It shouldn’t be possible! Yet, she was. She was walking and she was breathing. Somehow, she managed to smile occasionally which left him even more puzzled by her. 

No, he wasn’t puzzled anymore. He was in f**king awe of her. Somehow, knowing, made every part of her clearer to him. God, she’d hidden all of that so well. He couldn’t understand why she wasn’t an even bigger mess than she was. It wasn’t possible for a woman to be able to take all that, but she did.

He exhaled and turned on the sink water. Even though he splashed cold water on his face ,it did not stop the blood from boiling over in his veins. Her broken words kept echoing in his head and they would not stop. He thought about how that animal had the audacity to put his hands on her, even after she’d given him 200 hundred pounds. He understood the bleeding now. The man had entered her dry and f**ked her with no preparation. Kate was so small, so petite and fragile that she didn’t have a chance. He shook his head in disgust, imagining that chauffeur forcing himself inside her. Not just once, but twice. He ran his hands through his hair. God, he could just hear her crying and screaming, which made him angry.

Then, he remembered her sickly father coming to him and asking him for help. He’d declined to do anything on her behalf because of Grace. He’d felt a slight twinge of guilt originally. Now, he was drowning in an ocean of guilt and he knew he had to right this. He was her husband now and he was in a position to avenge her honor. That’s what he was going to do. It was time to make it right. There was going to be a lot of blood on his hands, but for the first time, he didn’t mind getting blood on his hands.

---

God, they were back. The nightmares were back. She hadn’t had one this whole year. Kate bolted upright with a gasp, only to feel something on her hand. She jerked and then realized that Thomas Shelby was sitting in a chair to the left of the bed. He looked towards her and without giving her a moment to think, he said. “Tell me about your first time.”

It was early. “First time what?”

“When you lost your virginity.”

She felt sick to her stomach at those words. “Why?”

“You already told me how they punished you for running away.” God, she had. She felt the blood draining out of her face. He took her hand. “So, I want to know, what happened for your first time.” He hesitated before asking. “Or was your first time with John?”

she shook her head. She didn’t know why she was still telling him these things, but she was. “The wedding was simple. He was drunk when we left there. Darby went to make sure that, ‘he was alright’.” She inhaled as she looked down at the covers. “I went upstairs to change. I knew, it wouldn’t be nice, but…I didn’t care.” She really hadn’t. She’d expected him to be drunk and sloppy. Not violent. “I came into the room…but he wasn’t alone. his brother was there.” she inhaled as Thomas held tighter onto her hand. “I didn’t understand what was going on, so I asked and he said that…they share everything.” She bit her lip. “I-I didn’t understand at first. Darby, grabbed me…tore my clothes off, while I,” she hiccuped. “I begged, George to help me. he laughed and told me to shut up. Darby…tied my arms behind my back. Then, my legs together and to my wrist. he then…put me on my back and,” she shook her head. “I lost my virginity to George.”

“Kate---

she inhaled. “After he came in me, he rolled me onto my stomach and…Darby took me from behind.”

He was silent as he continued to run his thumb in a circular motion over her hand. “Was there…any preparation beforehand?”

She shook her head as more tears trickled down her cheeks. “No.” She inhaled. “They kept on all night and…in the morning, George put me on a boat to France. He spent…all 5 months of our honeymoon, ‘educating’ me on, how to, please him.”

He was silent for a very long time. Suddenly, he ran his hand down her cheek, causing her to jump. “Sorry,” he said softly. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

She bit her lip and nodded. “I know.” She didn't know much about him, but she did know that.

“You,” he said quietly. “are…an amazing woman.” She froze. Had he really just said that out loud? She wasn’t amazing at all. There was nothing special about her. 

She shook her head in denial. “I-I don’t know what you mean.”

“I know, you don’t believe me, but you are.” He said quietly. After a few moments, he said. “I didn’t know Kate.”

She inhaled and nodded. “Not your fault.”

He exhales and shakes his head. “I think we both know that yes, it was my f**king fault.” He inhaled as he said softly. “I didn’t know Kate. I didn’t know it was so bad. I didn’t know they’d hurt you so much. Had I known it was that bad---

“I’m fine.” She muttered, looking down at the covers.

“No.” He said quietly. “You’re not.”

She sniffled and wipes her eyes. “It was…a long time ago.”

“Not even a year.” He said quietly. “Had your father told me more…I don’t think, there’d have been a man that wouldn’t have gotten involved.”

God, she couldn’t bear this. She shook her head as she croaked. “It’s too late. It’s alright. I’ll be fine.”

“You will be. I’m going to help you get there.” He handed her a piece of paper and a pencil. She stared at the paper as he stated. “Give me their names Kate.”

She looked at the paper before asking. “Who’s names?”

“I want the name of every single man who hurt you. Every single f**king one.” She inhaled sharply as he leaned forward and ran his thumb and forefinger up and down her cheek. “Let me take it away from you Kate. Let me take it.”

She knew what he was asking her. He wanted the names of the men because he was going to kill them. Some of them, she knew they were married. She didn’t know if they had children. She inhaled. “I-I don’t think I can.”

“They’re not men Kate.” He stated lowly. “They’re mad dogs. No one cares if you put a mad dog down.” He nods towards the paper, still gently stroking her cheek. “Write the names down.”

And this time, she did write the names down. She should feel some guilt, but she remembered the pain, the degradation, the humiliation, the burns, the cuts and every single vile touch that had been given to her. As she handed him the list, their fingers brushed and she was struck by how gentle his hands were. He was capable of violence, he could be just like any of those men but he wasn’t. He was a bad man, that was to be sure, but he had a strong sense of right and wrong. While he hadn’t helped her at the time, she understood. He was protecting his family. Now, she was a part of his family and he was taking care of her.

He read the list and nodded before tucking it into his coat. She sniffled and exhaled. “I need to get up.”

“No.” He shook his head. “You can stay in bed for the day.”

She smiled faintly, briefly touched by his concern. “Can’t. I’ll go mad. Easter is coming, I need to make plans with Mrs. Hughes and everyone else, see if they’ll come.”

“Kate,” he exhaled as he stepped in front of her. “you don’t have to do this.”

“I know,” she said quietly. “but…I need something to do.” And she did, she needed anything to get her mind out of the past again. 

“Kate. Look at me.” She did so reluctantly and she was surprised to see sympathy in his eyes. “I’m sorry Kate. I can’t change the past, but, I can fix this.” She exhaled sharply as tears filled her eyes again. God, she was so tired of crying. He wiped her tears away as he said quietly. “It’s a pile of bodies. Piled up to high. Let them go, Kate.” His voice was soft and encouraging as he said. “Let them go.”

She knew what he was asking of her. His words made sense, but, she wasn’t sure that she was able to. She simply nodded at him. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead, which caused her to flinch. He didn’t say anything more to  her. He then walked out of the room, clearly determined to lay to rest all the ghosts of her past. She hoped that God would forgive her for giving those names to Thomas. She had a selfish reason for indulging it. When she woke up this morning, she realized that she felt better knowing that monster was dead and in the ground. No doubt, she’d feel a lot lighter knowing that every man on that list dead and she wanted that more than anything in the world. To feel as if they couldn't resurface and attack her again. 

She would finally be free.

Chapter 37: Good Friday

April 4th, 1926

---

“You look beautiful.” Mrs. Hughes says after helping Kate adjust the neckline of her dress. “I heard from the servants that none of the Shelby family have ever done family celebrations like this. You’re the first to do this.”

She smiles faintly. “I’m sure, they’ve all been busy with other things. Celebrating Easter probably never occurred to them yet.”

“Perhaps.” Mrs. Hughes studies her for a moment. “You look different somehow.”

Kate exhaled and nodded. “Perhaps. I’ve changed a little bit somehow. I don’t know how, but I feel different.”

“Sleeping better?” Kate nods and Mrs. Hughes smiles. “Perhaps, it’s because you know that those men aren’t ever going to be able to hurt you again?”

Kate nodded. “I think so.”

It felt strange how knowing that someone’s death could bring such peace to her troubled heart and soul. She hadn’t realized it, but knowing that they couldn’t turn up in her life at any moment was of comfort. She’d initially worried about Thomas killing on her behalf, but he’d insisted that it was his right to carry this task out. At first, she didn’t understand why he was adamant about it, but then she realized that he felt guilty. She had hated him for turning his back on her, but now, after being in this life, she saw that he couldn’t risk putting his wife and son in jeopardy. Charlie had nearly been taken, but now, with the alliance with Solomons, he was able to even the score.

Still, since she’d told him a little bit what had happened to her, he seemed different. She didn’t know what it was. He’d moved her back into her room without a word. He didn’t touch her like he had that one night. Well, he did touch her, it was just different. Like, he touched her arm, her hand, her neck or cheek on occasion, he never went beyond that. She couldn’t understand why he’d seemingly changed towards her. He wanted another child, but, he wasn’t making any moves towards her. She as unsure as to his intentions, but she still didn’t feel confident in asking him. Perhaps, he no longer wished to have someone like her birth his next child. Perhaps he felt that she was too damaged and he was now disgusted by her.

She exhaled and smoothed her dress. “Well, I shall be going. Lots to set up and I want to hide the chocolate eggs for the children before they arrive.”

“You know, we have servants to do that.” Mrs. Hughes pointed out. “You can help them find the eggs.”

“I know, but I want to make sure that they’re all collected.”

“Very well.” Mrs. Hughes said.

Kate opened the door and stepped out of her room…only to crash right into Thomas. “Whoa!”

“Easy!” He steadied her.

Kate inhaled sharply, her heart racing in her chest. “Oh! You scared me!”

“Where are you of to in a rush?”

“Eggs,” she stuttered. “I was, going to hide the chocolate eggs for the children.”

He exhales as he gently tucks a strand of her hair back behind her ear. “How about, you let the servants worry about all that, alright?”

She swallowed. “I-I just want everything to be perfect.”

He exhaled. “You’ve got my family here. You’ve got chocolates and things for the kids. Food, games and music, it’s all fine. Don’t worry about it.” His hand suddenly stills on her face. He withdraws his hand and puts it by his side. She goes to look at it, but he puts his hand in his pocket. “What time’ll they be here?”

“1:00.” She said. “Lunch first, then the games and stuff for the kids.”

“Right.” He clears his throat and arches his brow. “Best get cleaned up then.”

As he walked away, Kate went back into her room. She quickly checked her face in the wall mirror. Sure enough, there was a streak of blood on her cheek. He'd killed someone, probably another one of the men who'd raped her. She exhaled and carefully wiped it off before pinching her cheeks. She turned to see Mrs. Hughes standing there, an unusual expression on her face. “What?” She inquired. “Is there something on my face?”

“Hmm?” Mrs. Hughes shook her head and she exhaled. “Sorry, I was thinking about something else. Shall we go downstairs?”
Kate nods. “Yes. I should see that Andrews has the pony cart rigged up for all of the children to ride.”

“Of course.” As Kate and Mrs. Hughes went their own separate ways, Kate had a funny feeling that perhaps she was missing out on something.

---

“Might I speak to you, Mrs. Gray?” 

Polly nodded at Mrs. Hughes. “Yes. What is it?”

Mrs. Hughes glanced around and stated. “It’s a personal matter, best discussed in private.”

Polly arched a brow and she smirked. “Well, now I’m intrigued.” 

Mrs. Hughes nodded and started to walk into the house. Polly followed her inside. It was all a very pleasant afternoon that Kate had organized. The food was delicious, she’d done up a spread far more grand than anything any of them had anticipated, especially having come from humble beginnings. Right now, all the children were running around looking for the Easter eggs that Kate had strung up. She hadn’t seen her for a few months, but she’d been traveling. Kate, looked different, almost happy, if Polly didn’t know any better. How could anyone be happy in a loveless marriage to Thomas Shelby of all people?

Mrs. Hughes stepped into the parlor, which was empty. Polly nodded. “Well, tell me what’s got us in here away from the festivities?”

“It’s Kate.” Mrs. Hughes stated. “She blushed.”

Polly shot her a look. “She blushed?”

Mrs. Hughes nodded. “Yes!”

Polly exhaled as she inquired. “And? Lot’s of women blush!”

“She doesn’t.” Mrs. Hughes stated. “Considering her past, she has no reason to be blushing around any man.”

Polly’s brow arched, then…it dawned on her. Kate was blushing around a man. The only man that she kept company with, was Thomas Shelby. “You’re telling me---

“I believe,” Mrs. Hughes stated with a smile on her face. “that she’s…possibly becoming attracted to Mr. Shelby.”

Polly’s brows arched. “What? Are you sure?”

“Yes.” She nods. “I noticed things change, possibly after he killed all those men.”

Polly shakes her head. “Good God. Nothing says romance like killing nearly a dozen men.”

“They deserved it.” Mrs. Hughes stated firmly. “I had to help her after those monsters were done with her.”

“I know, I agree. It’s just…ironic.” Polly peered out the window to look at the two of them. Thomas and her were both holding a howling Charlie, who appeared to have fallen down. Her eyes narrowed and sure enough, Kate had her hand on Thomas’s wrist. That was the first time she’d seen Kate touch Thomas. Kate's focus was on Charlie, so she probably wasn't even aware that she was touching him. “I’m intrigued.”

“I care about that girl.” Mrs. Hughes said. “I looked after her for nearly two years and I want her to finally have a chance to be happy. I have never seen her look happy or even content before. Then today…I saw it for the first time. She may not even know that she’s attracted to him.”

“No.” Polly shook her head in agreement. “She doesn’t know it yet.”

Mrs. Hughes stepped towards the window and looked out as well. She smiled. “They look nice together, don’t they?”

Polly nods. “Yes, the only problem is…getting his mind off that other woman.”

“His first wife?”

“Grace.” Polly fights back the urge to curse that woman’s name. “I never liked her. No sense of loyalty to anyone.”

“While she,” Mrs. Hughes says. “is loyal to the death.”

“I agree.” Polly shook her head as she admitted. “I was in her shoes for one hour. I’m still not the same woman that I once was. I don’t know if it’ll ever be possible for her to love any man, especially one like Thomas, so completely.”

“I don’t know either.” She inhaled. “But, she feels safe around him and she brings out the soft side of him. That has to be a start.”

“They don’t talk much.” Polly said. “He only got that information out of her during a moment of weakness. Have they spent any time together?”

“Not much.” Mrs. Hughes bites her lip and states. “Perhaps, they can be encouraged to spend time together, shall we say, naturally?”

Polly smirked. “Naturally. Do you have any ideas?”

Mrs. Hughes smiled as she said. “I have many, but, I do require some assistance.”

Polly glances out the window. Thomas had set Charlie down and he was walking over towards Arthur. She glanced at Kate and sure enough, Kate was looking at Thomas. Polly didn’t know if any form of attraction was possible or if Kate was feeling grateful because Thomas, Arthur and John went on a killing spree on her behalf. Nevertheless, that girl had lived in hell for nearly two years. If she could be happy and a man could love her, that would be a wondrous thing. Not that Thomas was ready to give up Grace just now, but, perhaps he needed to become aware of the beautiful girl in front him. Yes, she had her scars, but so did Thomas. Thomas was a man who needed to be loved and he loved hard. Kate, there probably wasn’t another woman on the face of this earth who needed love and affection as much as she did. But above all, she deserved it. If Thomas could love her, that would be the most wonderful thing to happen to this family.

Polly turned towards Mrs. Hughes and smiled. “How do you propose we begin?”

Mrs. Hughes smiled and said. “I have a lot of ideas Mrs. Gray.”

“Good.” Polly stated as she glanced back at the two of them. “I have a feeling we’re going to have to try every trick in the book.”

“Some cupid kills with arrows,” Mrs. Hughes said. “some with traps.”

“And I’m very good at laying traps.” Polly smirks. “Those two won’t know what hit them.”

---

Chapter 38: Teasing

“Whoa!” Kate flew forward and Thomas caught her! 

“I’m so sorry.” Polly said as she stood up. “I shouldn’t have had my foot out that far.”

“It’s alright.” He said as Kate began brushing off all the water that she’d spilled all over Thomas’s chest. “it was an accident.” 

“I’m sorry.” She said apologetically. “I don’t know what’s the matter with me tonight. I’m so clumsy.”

She didn’t understand what’s wrong with her tonight! She’d already tripped into Thomas twice and this time she’d had water. It had gone all over him and the floor! He glances down at her feet. “Maybe the shoes?”

She exhales and nods. “Perhaps.”

“Maybe you’re tired,” Polly offered. “you’ve been running around all day making sure that everything is perfect. Sit down and let Thomas go get you another glass of water.”

Kate shakes her head. “That’s not necessary---

“Thomas,” Polly said firmly in a tone that broached no argument. “make your wife sit down and take some time off.”

“I’m fine---

“Just sit down,” Thomas stated. “alright?”

“But---

“Take some time off.” He placed his hand in the small of her back. “Nervous thing like you was probably up all night thinking of things to do.”

“I was not!”

he exhales and asks. “Half the night?”

she bit her lip and says. “No, I wasn’t up half the night.” He shoots her a look. “Well, once it’s past midnight it’s morning!”

Everyone let out a laugh and Thomas nudged her towards the couch. She sat down and let out an exhale. Thomas dutifully went to get her a glass of water, per Polly’s instructions. “Well,” Ada added. “everything was wonderfully done. We should do this more often!”

John nods. “Yeah. Nice break from the kids, eh, Esme?”

She shoots him a look. “You trying to tell me something?”

“I meant for you,” he added. “you don’t get much time to have a break.”

Esme thinks on it and she nods. “Aye, they can be a bit loud.”

Linda came back in the room and exhaled. “Billy’s down.”

“Once he goes out,” Arthur says as he comes in behind Linda. “he goes out.”

“That’s a mercy.” Ada says.

Thomas hands Kate the glass of water. “Thank you.”

He nods at her as she takes a sip of water. “So, tell me,” Polly asks her directly. “when are we going to be hearing some happy news from the two of you?”

Thomas frowns as Kate goes still. “News of what?”

“That you’re both expecting!” Polly asked, causing everyone to stare at her in shock. Thomas takes the glass from her hand before she drops it and moves it to the table. “Don’t look so shocked, the two of you have been married for over a year now.”

Kate frowns, as does Thomas. She glances at him and he shakes his head. “No,” he says. “no we haven’t.”

Kate nods her head in agreement. “It can’t be a year.”

Polly lets out a laugh as she takes a drink of her whiskey. “Christ, you two are funny. Kate, this is the second good Friday you’ve spent here. Remember?”

Kate frowned. “I-I don’t remember.”

“You spent it in your room. Thomas and the boys went out on a hunt.”

Now she remembered! But not because of the hunt, because of the night with Tatiana. She bit her lip and nodded. “I remember.”

“Yeah. The two of you got married in March.” Arthur points out. “March, something.”

“12th,” Linda supplied. “so, it’s been a bit more than a year.”

“Christ,” John teased them. “both of you forgot your f**king anniversary!”

“Language, John,” Polly said firmly. “as I’ve been saying, find other words.”

“Was it really a year?” Ada inquires. “It really doesn’t seem like it.”

“Well, the wedding wasn’t much to remember.” Polly points out. “No reason for either of them to remember it.”

Kate exhaled and shook her head. No, she didn’t remember it because it was the day her dad died. Her birthday served as the day her mother died and now, her anniversary served to mark the day that her father had died. Every day in her life that was supposed to be important, was now tainted by death. She must have been cursed the day she was born, there was no other reason for things to be so hellish for her.

“Polly,” Thomas stated. “it’s no big deal.”

“What do you mean its no big deal?” Polly asked. “She’s had to put up with you for a year!” everyone laughed good-naturedly, causing her to flush. “I’d say, that deserves some recognition.”

Thomas shot Polly a warning look. “Polly---

“No, I’m serious.” She stated as she stood. “ I mean it. Look around us. Look at this house. Lord knows we’ve all had a tough time, especially her, but she’s managed to pull it together. It’s all very lovely and even though we’re all not quite close to her yet,” Polly shot her a warm smile. “which I’m hoping we’ll all be closer in the future.” Everyone nodded in agreement. “I just want to take a moment and acknowledge one of the newer members of our family.” Kate’s face heated and tears filled her eyes at Polly’s words. “It’s very rare that we all get to enjoy moments like this as a family and I just want to thank Kate for all the work she put in for us.”

Kate covered her mouth to stop from crying out loud, which caused Thomas to exhale. “Polly---

“They’re happy tears.” Polly stated with a wave of her hands. “So,” she raised her glass. “Welcome to the family Kate.”

Everyone else raised their glass and chimed in as well. “Welcome to the family!”

Kate floundered for words, but fortunately, someone knocked on the door and she jumped up. “I’ll get that.”

Polly protested. “Kate---

“Let her go.” Thomas said firmly. “What the f**k was all that, Polly?”

Kate paused to listen for a moment. “What the f**k was what?”

“All that,” he stated. “talk about anniversary’s and children. She is still my wife in name only. Nothing special, nothing to be praised or acknowledge.”

Kate nodded in agreement, even though those words did have a sting to them. “She,” Polly said firmly. “is something to be praised and acknowledged. The fact that you haven’t done that yet is a bloody disgrace!”

"Yet, you'll embarrass her in front of everyone on a day that she spent weeks preparing!"

"She needs praise, Thomas." Polly said firmly. "It troubles me that you don't think that she deserves it."

Kate didn’t want to hear anymore of this. It was a family argument and despite Polly’s words, she wasn’t a part of this family. She opened the door, to see Mr. Solomons stomping towards his car. She stepped outside. “Mr. Solomons!” He spun around towards her. “Good Friday.”

“I’ve come to see Tommy.” He stated firmly as he walked towards her. “Then, we’ll see if it’s a Good Friday or not. I hate violence on such a holy day.”

“Alright, uhm,” she inhaled. “I would show you in but…there’s a family argument happening right now.”

He arches a brow. “That so?”

She nods. “Yes. If you don’t mind, could we wait a minute and then I’ll announce you?”

“Yeah.” He inhaled and exhaled. “This can wait.” His eyes narrowed. “You were crying.”

“Just a little bit.” 

“Him?”

She shakes her head. “Not this time.” She inhales before asking. “You’re here on business?” he nods. “Is it bad?”

“Very.” He glanced at her. “Tommy abducted one of my men and I don’t know where the f**k he went!”

A chill ran down her spine and Alfie’s eyes narrowed. She knew that he knew that she knew something and there wasn’t any point in hiding it from him. “May I have his name?”

“It’s King, Harold King.” She nods. She knew him. Alfie’s eyes narrowed. “What’d you know about it?”

she inhaled and said. “First, don’t get mad at Mr. Shelby. It’s not his fault, exactly.”

“I’m gonna need a f**king good reason.” Alfie stated. “He was a good man, hard worker and all.”

“He raped me.” She said quietly as she lowered her gaze, unable to look him in the eye. “Back when I was married to George.”

Alfie went still. “He what? When?”

She inhaled and croaked. “I don’t remember the exact date, but, you had him deliver a deal to Darby. It involved a racetrack.”
he nodded. “I remember. I sent him over. Took him a while to get back, said he couldn’t find Darby at first.”

“He was sent to George’s house.” She shuddered. “He walked in when George and Darby were---

“No,” Alfie holds up his hand. “I don’t need to know more.” Alfie shakes his head. “F**k. I-I didn’t know. Shelby didn’t say. Just threw him in a car and took off.”

She bit her lip and hesitated before asking. “Did he…have a family? Children?”

Alfie shook his head. “No. Just a good worker but…whatever happens to him, that’s on his head.” She was silent for a moment and his eyes narrowed. “Something on your mind?”

“Yes.”

“Well,” he moved to sit on the steps. “I’m not getting any younger, so let’s sit down a bit.” She nods and sits on the step beside Alfie. He exhaled deeply. “Right, just so you know, me and Shelby have a deal. Anything involving you, we both pretty much’ll have your back, even if the deal between us goes sour.”

“I appreciate that,” she turned towards him. “honest.”

“So, you want to tell me what’s bothering you?”

she paused before stating. “He had me write down a list of me who…raped me.” She wrapped her arms around her waist. “He, he’s been killing them.”

“Good!” Alfie stated. “Don’t deserve to live anyway.”

She frowned. “But, you just said---

“Makes no f**king difference to me. Better, he gets dispatched by Shelby. I might be worse than Shelby.” He studies her. “It bother you?”

“To be honest, I don’t know how to feel about this whole thing.” She hesitated before asking. “Am I damning his soul to Hell?”
Alfie rolls his eyes. “What a thing to say.”

“It’s just…he’s killing men---

“For hurting you?” she nodded. “Well, he’s well within his rights, But considering the man was on my territory, a f**king warning would have been nice. But no, you ain’t damning his soul. All of us men in this life, don’t have much of a soul to damn.” He shakes his head. “If anything, you’re giving him the opportunity to let a little bit ‘o light inside him.” after a long moment of silence Alfie added. “Wondered if he left a name or two on the list for me.”

Kate chuckled as the door opened and Thomas came out. His blue yes narrowed suspiciously at the two of them sitting down there. “What’s this?”

Alfie glanced at her as he stated. “Nothin’ much, just came to say hi,” Thomas hurried towards Kate and helped her up to her. “and to tell you, next time you f**king abduct one of my men, give me a f**king warning!”

Thomas studies him and says. “George Carpenter and Earl Benton. They’re both in your territory.”

Alfie nods. “Thanks mate.”

Both men stand there, silently communicating with each other. After a long minute, Kate clears her throat and asks. “Will you come in, Mr. Solomons?” he glances at her. “I’m not sure if everything that’s been prepared you can eat, but, I’m sure that our cook can prepare something for you.”

Alfie smirks and stands up. “Eh, well we don’t celebrate same day as you, but, yeah, I can stay for a bit.”

Thomas looks at him and states. “Arthur's here.”

“And?” Thomas shoots him a look. “Look, Tommy, that were last year. Not gonna do nothing in your house.”

Thomas nods and opens the front door. “We’ll see.”

Kate shakes her head as she walks into the house. As far as she’s concerned, both of the men are behaving like full grown children.

Chapter 39: Trying too hard

Kate didn’t know what was going on, but all she knew that by inviting Alfie that the whole tone of the party had shifted. She didn’t know why, Alfie and Tommy were business associates. Kate had managed to calm Alfie down before he blew up at Thomas. Inviting him in to eat seemed like such a small thing at first, but it wasn’t. Arthur, was downright furious. His eyes were shooting daggers of hate at Alfie. Alfie, however, seemed to love the whole thing and he was making jokes. Kate, however, did enjoy his company and he made her felt a bit more at ease. 

“Let’s have a dance!” John said loudly as he pulled up Esme. He went to the record that was playing and turned the volume up a little bit more. “Love this song.”

Esme rolled her eyes and smiled fondly at her husband. “You and your dancing.”

“It’s good Friday.” Linda stated. “It’s not right to dance on a day like to day.”

“So,” Ada said. “don’t dance. That means Arthur's available.”

Polly grabbed Arthur and Michael grabbed Ada. Kate sat there awkwardly, rubbing her neck, watching all three couples dance to some Jazz reword. No, the song was called ‘Do, do, do’. She could see why John and Esme loved it. She smiled at them, envying them their happiness for just a few seconds. She’d never have that.

“Hey Tommy,” Alfie said. “you know your wife is just sitting there, right?”

Kate feels her heart start to pound in her chest and she shakes her head. “No, I don’t care to dance.”

“Why the hell not?” Alfie asked.

Kate stammered a bit before stating. “I don’t like dancing.”

“You haven’t danced in a while,” Mrs. Hughes suddenly said out of nowhere. Perhaps, you might enjoy it.”

Kate shakes her head. “No thank you. Mr. Shelby is under no obligation to dace with me just because we’ve married.” And to be honest, he seemed upset so she didn’t want to dance with him at all.

At those words, Thomas put his hand out to her. “Come on.”

She shakes her head. “You don’t have to ask me.”

“Kate,” he said firmly. “shut up and dance with me.”

She blinked in surprise, but she did as he ordered. It felt awkward and stiff, no, it felt wrong. She wasn’t wanted and he was doing this only to appease her aunt. “F**k, mate!” Alfie said with a laugh. “How’d you ever get her to marry you?”

“Her father arranged it.” He stated sharply, his irritation finally starting to break through. 

Kate inhaled and looked down. “Thomas.” Polly said sharply. “That wasn’t necessary. We’re all having fun, no reason for you to be so grouchy.”

“Especially, after Kate did all this work.” Ada said from where she was dancing with Michael. “No harm in one dance.”

“It’s alright.” Kate said as she pulled free of his grasp, avoiding his gaze. “It’s the truth and I don’t feel like dancing anyway.” She turned to walk away. “I’d really prefer to watch.” 

Everyone shot Thomas a look of disappointment. Arthur exhales. “Look, I’ll have the next one.”

“No thank you.” She shook her head. “I’m aware, that I’ve made everyone’s lives overly complicated. There’s no need to ruin the rest of the day by being forced to do something you don’t want to do.” Arthur opened his mouth and she stated. “It’s alright. Can we just let it go?”

She moved to sit down, but Alfie spoke up. “Right, I’ve got to be going. So,” he exhales deeply. “I’ll be heading back. It’s a long drive and my man’s still sitting in the car.”

Kate stands, moves towards the table and grabs a napkin. She places a few sandwiches in it. Thomas shakes Alfie’s hand. “Thanks for stopping by Alfie.”

He nods. “No problem mate.” Kate walks back and hands Alfie the napkin full of sandwiches. “What’s this?”

“In case your driver’s hungry.”

“Aww,” Alfie said as he tweaked her chin with his thumb and forefinger. “ain’t you a sweet thing. Why don’t you walk out and give it to him?” He shoots her a knowing look. “You look like you need some fresh air.”

Kate hesitates, but then she nods. Alfie’s giving her a moment to collect herself in private. She nods and walks out without a word. “Kate---

“Look mate,” Alfie says, preventing Thomas from following her. “give her a minute. It was just a f**king dance, no need for that.” And that’s probably why this whole thing was upsetting. It was just a dance. It wasn’t supposed to be anything personal, but somehow it was personal and she didn't know why.

---

Thomas was barely able to hold his tongue at Alfie’s words. “She knows you don’t love her, she don’t want you either. But the world won’t end with one dance.”

He held Alfie’s gaze as he said firmly. “Goodbye Alfie.”

Alfie exhaled and nodded. “Right, Tommy.” Alfie then turned to walk out of the house, calling loudly. “Kathy! Where are you?”

Thomas shook his head in disgust. He did not like this. He did not appreciate getting chastised for how he did or didn’t talk to Kate. Polly, the way she’d gone on about the anniversary and asking about children, it was infuriating. He knew what she was doing. She wanted him to Kate and fall in love. It would never happen. Kate was an attractive girl, but all that trauma made her seem like she was far more trouble than she was worth. He’d given up on the idea of having a kid with her because he didn’t see how it was possible to get a kid in her without her screaming, crying or going somewhere else. He didn’t require much from his partners, just that they be present in the room and the whole exchange was consensual. He didn’t see any of that happening with Kate.

“What’s gotten into you Tommy?” Ada asked as he sat down and lit a cigarette. “Is there something wrong?”

he shakes his head. “No.”

“So, you’re just being an ass to your wife,” Polly stated. “in order to make yourself feel good?”

he’d been holding it back all day, but he couldn’t keep it inside him anymore. “She is not,” he shouts. “my f**king wife!!” The whole room goes still. “My wife, is dead!! And you,” he looked at Polly and exhales deeply. “don’t think I don’t know what the f**k you’re doing.”

Polly just stares straight through him. “And what do you think it is I’m doing?”

“I’m not blind Polly. You tripped her on purpose.” Polly doesn’t even blink. She does that little smirk, like she’s planning a speech out inside her head, but he’s onto her. “Then there’s you talking about what a great girl she is.”

“She is.” Polly stated firmly. “Or haven’t you noticed?”

“I don’t need to f**king notice because I don’t love her.” He shouted. “And I will never f**king love her!” the whole room went silent at his outburst. True, he didn’t need to say it, but he’d had it with Polly. “We don’t even sleep in the same room and when I do get around to f**king her, it’s because I f**king can! Not because I want to be with her, but because she’s there!”

Polly set down her glass of whiskey and stomped up to him, a dark glower on her face. He didn’t back down from her this time. “You listen to me.” Polly bit out. “Kate is a sweet girl and you know as much as I do, that she’s been through a lot. You said, she doesn’t feel like she’s family, well whose f**king fault is that?” She demanded. “She’s married to you, yet you treat her like she’s the f**king help because that’s what she’s comfortable being. We all see it.” To his annoyance, Arthur and John nod in agreement with Polly. “We all, talked beforehand to see if we could try to help her engage with us, but she’s not comfortable with us yet. For some reason, she trusts you, so when we nudge you, we’re nudging her.”

Ada nods. “She really did want to dance Tommy. Anyone could see it, she was just too scared.”

“She,” he states. “is f**king scared of anything that moves!”

“Which is why, you’re supposed to help her! She is your wife!”

“My wife,” he states firmly. “is f**king dead!” he shakes his head. “You’re all here, having your f**king drinks, playing your games, but we all know that Grace should be here instead of Kate.”

“Tommy.” Arthur said, jerking his head sideways towards the doorway.

He turned…and there was Kate. He could tell from the look on her face that she’d heard every word that he said. He hadn’t meant for her to hear it, but all of it was true. He didn’t love her. Today, was a holiday. And while Kate had made it a very special day, he ached for his Grace to be here. She should have been here instead of Kate. She should have been the one that Charlie asked for today with he skinned his knee. Not Kate. Then, Polly and everyone started pushing in on him, trying to get closer to a woman that didn’t want anything to do with him. Now the whole day was f**king ruined. He just turned and walked out of the room without even sparing her or anyone else a single glance. He was better off on his own anyway.

---

Kate bit her lip as she knocked on the door to the library. “Go away.”

Kate hesitated before trying the door. It was unlocked and she stepped inside the dark library. Sure enough, he was at his desk, hunched over his papers. Kate felt a little sorry for him. Despite his harsh words, Kate realized that by Polly and everyone pushing for him to accept her, he felt as if he were betraying his Grace. And he was missing his wife; why wouldn’t he miss having her near him at a family event? He was hurting and his family had pushed him a little too hard.

“Mr. Shelby,” he stiffened but didn’t look up at her. “your family is gone. Everything is cleaned up and I’ve put Charlie to bed.”

He nods. “Good.”

He didn’t want to talk to her, she could see that, but she couldn’t help but adding. “Mr. Shelby, I just wanted to say that...it’s alright.” She inhaled as she stated. “There's never been anything more than an arrangement between us and…I’m not looking for anything more than that.”

He’s silent for a long minute, then he nods. “Alright. Go to bed.”

She bit her lip and then said. “In a minute.” He looked up at her in surprise as she inhaled. “Mr. Shelby, you said that, well, that is, we agreed to have a baby.”

He nods. “And?”

“It’s just that…we haven’t,” her face heated. “I mean, I’m in my room and you’re in yours.” He nods. “I-is there a reason?”

he nods again. “Figured I’d give you a bit more time.”

Ok, so he wasn't repulsed by her, that was good to know. She bites her lip and says quietly. “It might best…to, well,” she inhales. “best to just, get it over with. Best to just…get the pressure off your back and…we can get back to our separate lives.”

He studies her for a long time before ordering. “You move back into my room tonight. Come august or September, we’re going to start trying. Understood?”

She nods as her heart started thudding slowly in her chest. “Yes, Mr. Shelby.” 

He jerked his head towards the door. “Upstairs. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

She nodded and just walked up the stairs. Her heart was telling her that she should be bothered by how today went down, especially about his outburst. But after everything he’d done for her, after killing nearly a dozen men, he’d earned the right to let all of those pent up emotions out inside him. She got out of her dress, laid it on her bed, pulled on her robe before walking into his room. 

“Oh,” she bumped into Mrs. Hughes in the hallway. “you’re moving back into his room?”

she nods. “We have an agreement where I am to carry another baby so Charlie won’t be alone. After I’ve fulfilled my duty, I’ll be returning to my room and he can go on sleeping with whomever he wants.”

Mrs. Hughes’s face grows pale. “What? Surely you haven’t agreed to that?”

Kate nods. “I did. We don’t love each other and,” she inhaled as she confessed. “I don’t mind trying for Charlie’s sake. He’s so lonely.”

“I agree there, but,” Mrs. Hughes stepped closer to her. “do you even want this? I mean, do you want to be with him?”

Kate shivered inwardly at those words. No, she did not, but it didn’t matter. There was something inside her that was pushing at her. She inhaled before stating. “I don’t want Charlie to be alone. Mr. Shelby has shown himself to be a man of his word and,” she inhaled. “I know he won’t hurt me.”

“Kate,” Mrs. Hughes said softly. “you don’t have to do this to yourself.”

She bit her lip and said. “I intruded on his mourning period. He sacrificed any chance of finding love with someone else. He has put himself in grave danger on my account and killed all those men in the past. I can give him one baby.”

“But will you want that baby? Mrs. Hughes asked. “Will you love that baby?”

she’d thought about that question often enough. Could she love that baby? Could Thomas even love it? She honestly didn’t know. She just smiled shakily as Mrs. Hughes and said. “I guess, we’ll find out. But, I do know…that I love Charlie enough to try”

With that, Kate turned and walked back into the dark room that belonged to Thomas Shelby. She stood there, looking at the bed for a minute, wondering if she had the guts to get in it.

“In the bed, Kate.” Thomas said behind her, seemingly out of nowhere.

"Yes Mr. Shelby." He closed the door and Kate nodded, moving towards the bed where in a matter of months, they’d be trying to create a life together without living with each other.

Chapter 40: Orgasm

Four months later,

---

Somewhere, God was laughing at him. It had been four long months of sharing his bed with Kate. Three even longer months of just touching her, getting her used to be touched was almost painful to him. Every little thing worried her, she didn’t jump as much, she stared back at him a lot though. Normally, that wouldn’t bother him, except those eyes of hers were this unusual shade of green. And those eyes followed his hand now, as if his hand were a dog getting ready to bite her. Yes, he understood that it was all very scary and new for her, but at the same time, he hadn’t done anything to her. He’d heard her admit to Mrs. Hughes that she knew that she was safe with him. So why the hell was this so hard for her?

“Mhmm,” Kate whimpered pitifully as he went to finally slip a finger into her lace covered core. God, she was so hard to stimulate. Seemed to take nearly an hour to even get her whimpering. He still had no idea if she was even wet. As he stuck a finger into the waistband of her shorts, Kate grabbed his hand and shook her head frantically. “no, wait!”

He exhaled. “Nervous little thing, aren’t you?” She inhaled. "No need to shout, I can hear you just fine."

“I-I’m sorry.”

“What month is this?” he knew what month it was, but he was reminding her that their time for getting her used to him was running short.

She bit her lip and whispered. “Its August.”

He reminded her. “If you can’t take my finger, how will you take my cock, eh?” She didn’t answer. “Kate, I have to touch you there eventually.” She said nothing. He exhaled as he pulled her nightdress back down to her knees. She’d let him touch there as long as her pajamas were over her undergarments. The moment the nightdress went up, she froze a bit, even if she seemed on the verge of an orgasm. That was an other problem he had, she’d get close, but wouldn’t come. After a moment’s silence, he said. “Tonight, I’m going to touch you there.” Her head jerked towards him as he got out of the bed. “Take all the time you need, think about it, get ready, but, it’s going to happen Kate.”

She nodded. “Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

He turned towards her and exhaled. He hated it when the talks went like this. She was so hard to read. A spark of fire one minute, then submissive the next. It was confusing to him. He wished that she’d pick one personality and stay with it! He turned towards her and asked her directly. “What is it?”

She blinked and looked up at him in confusion. “What is what?”

“Why won’t you let me touch you?” he asked her directly. “What’s going through your head when my hand gets close to you?”

She just stared at him as if she had no idea herself before stammering out. “I-I don’t know.” She inhaled. “It’s just…something says, stop.”

He nods, she’s at least trying to communicate with him. “And, do you know why it’s asking you to stop?”

She drops her gaze and shakes her head. “No.” He doesn’t believe her. He moves towards her as she adds. “I-I’ll try to figure it out.”

“I won’t hurt you.”

She nods. “I know.”

“Look at me.” She does so reluctantly. “You’re close,” he reminded her. “so f**king close to getting through this. Once you do, you won’t be scared anymore.” She inhaled raggedly as he assures her. “It’ll be alright, I’ll be careful with you.”

She nods and croaks. “I know, just…move slowly.”

He’s unable to hold back the smirk. “Not sure it’s possible to go much slower, but, I’ll move slow. You can hold my hand the whole time.”

 “Alright.” She clears her throat and says. “We should get dressed.”

“Right.” He let go of her and moved to grab his clothes. “I’ll come up a little early tonight, that way you can have a little more time to adjust.”

“Thank you.” She says. “I do appreciate, you taking your time with me. It’s very kind of you.”

He was anything but kind. He had a motive. Charlie needed a brother or sister and Lizzie was getting too clingy. He sincerely doubted that it would even be possible for Kate to get emotionally attached to him after everything she’d been through. If she saw that sex could be enjoyable, then maybe they’d both be able to just use each other to relieve whatever tension was bothering them that day.

He nods at her. “It’s no trouble. I just want to make sure that it’s enjoyable for you when we get there.” And that he did mean. Kate had one of the worst experiences that a woman could ever have. Not once, even from the first time, had there been a moment of pleasure for her. Regardless of the circumstances, he wanted her to experience that and he could only imagine the look on her face when she did.

---

That evening,

---

Kate’s hands shook as she set down the brush. It had been a long day and she'd been far too focused on Thomas and his words. His words, they echoed in her ears and they disturbed her to the point that she was on edge all day. She now felt confused every time she looked at Thomas. She felt so many emotions pulsating through her. She was slowly beginning to enjoy his attentions, especially when he kept things light. He was very attentive and her body was becoming used to his touch. There were occasional moments where she did like his touch, but, the moment she realized it, she felt dirty. George and others had touched and groped her. Like she’d told him before, sex was disgusting and she felt disgusting for liking his touch. She didn’t necessarily like that he was touching her sexually, but, she liked that his touch was always soft and gentle. No matter how upset or scared she got, he was always soft with her, always guiding her through her fears.

These past few months had been interesting. When his family, especially Aunt Polly wasn’t around, he was more at ease around her. More relaxed, as if some unknown pressure wasn’t on his shoulders anymore. Kate had a sneaking suspicion that Polly was pushing for Thomas to develop feelings for her. That sneaking suspicion was confirmed when she discovered Polly and Mrs. Hughes deep in conference one day. Kate shook her head, refusing to remember the snippets of that conversation that she’d heard between them. It was ludicrous that Thomas and her could ever develop feelings for each other. That had been terrifying and she'd hastily hurried away so she didn't hear any more of that conversation.

 
But at night, when he was gentle and patient with her, it was hard not to consider that it could be a possibility in the future. In the daytime, she’d started to notice things about him. She paid attention to him, slowly started to learn his moods. She did try to talk with him about his past and she’d started to learn a little bit about him. He wouldn’t talk about the war and she understood that. He, however, wouldn’t talk to her; at least, he wouldn’t ask her questions about herself. Was almost as if there were a glass window between them. They were aware of each other, but there was no emotional connection. Everything was kept sterile, until he got her into bed with him.

Sex, the way he described it, seemed like it relied deeply on an emotional connection, which was why she debating letting him between her legs yet. Not that she expected love, which would be insane. She hadn’t dared to dream that for all his bragging that sex could really be enjoyable, even without having affection for each other. For some reason, it felt as if the moment she did have sex with him…something would become real. She didn’t know how she knew that, she just knew it. In the beginning, she hadn’t wanted to have sex ever again. Then, she’d agreed for the simple love of making sure that a child wouldn’t be alone. Now, she didn’t want to have sex because she was scared that something was going to change and she didn’t want things to change. 

She came out of the bathroom to see Thomas in the room in just his shorts. She frowned as she looked at the clock. “You’re early.” 

He nodded as he drew back the covers. “I said I’d be.”

She nodded. “So, you did.” She’d forgotten that or, hadn’t purposefully forgotten about it.

He jerked his head towards the bed. “In the bed Kate.”

God, her blood ran cold at those words. Oh, she wanted to say what she was really afraid of, but she couldn’t tell him that. she inhaled, her heart pounding violently in her stomach as she moved shakily forward. “How…do you want me?”

he looked confused. “I just said in the bed.”

“I know, but how do you want me?” she inhaled. “Do you want me naked? Do you want me on my back? Do you want me---

he holds up a hand, cutting off her words. “You’re thinking too much into this. Just, get into the bed. you can leave your nightgown on if you like, it makes no difference to me.”

That was nice of him, she supposed. “Ok.” He wasn’t the most patient of men, but his words were always direct. There was no guessing with him and she appreciated that. 

When she reached the bed, she slipped off the slippers and got into the bed. he moves towards her, pulling his shirt off and over his head. heat rises in her face. he’s MUCH stronger and muscular than George ever was. God, if she displeased him…the repercussions would be much worse. She instantly parts her legs, spreading them wide for him as she draws her nightdress up to her waist.

He arches his brow in a question, but he doesn’t ask. She inhaled and focused on the ceiling above his head. “Look at me.” He ordered and Kate instantly forced herself to look at him. he nodded. He runs his hand over her nightdress. “You want to leave this on?”

she nods. “I-I don’t want you to see me.” And she didn’t. Her face didn’t have scars, her body did. She felt self-conscious enough around him. If he saw the cuts and burns, the look in his eyes would be too much for her to bear.

“That’s alright.” Kate jumped as he placed his hand on her stomach. He held her gaze as he said. “You can hold my hand.” She inhaled deeply and grabbed his hand, her fingers digging into his knuckles. He shook his head, that faint smirk on his face. “I haven’t done anything yet Kate. Just gonna touch you for a bit like this morning.”

She nodded. Thomas had been very meticulous. He’d divided up her body in sections during these months. Her head and arms had been easy. Her chest, stomach and hips had been a nightmare at first. She’d thought that there hadn’t been an issue with her breasts…until he’d reached through the neckline of her dress to cup her breast in his hand. That was the first time she’d screamed and he’d instantly stopped. He’d calmed her down and that had become his area of focus. He’d moved slowly, letting her know where his fingers were going. He had strong fingers, she’d never noticed before that incident because she was always covered. That was the first time that he’d ever touched her bare skin and his touch was shocking.

She was jolted out of that thought as she felt him drag her shorts off her. Good God, she was going to dissolve from the tension in the room. Kate didn’t know or understand fully why the room suddenly felt so small and hot. This morning, he’d touched and massaged her down there through the material. Now, there was no barrier between them. Thomas inhaled as he said. “You can hold onto me if you get scared, alright?” she nodded. He inhaled and said. “Close your eyes for a minute…and breathe.”

She paused. He’d never asked her that before. “W-why?”

“It might help you.” He encouraged. “Close your eyes.” She tightened her grip on his wrist, keeping her eyes closed. “That’s it,” he said softly. “it’ll be alright.”

She doubted that. She inhaled and exhaled, struggling to keep her eyes closed. Then, he touched her. Kate’s eyes flew open and she sat up a little bit, her heart racing violently in her chest. His face was inches away from hers and Kate started begging him. She didn’t know what she was quite begging him for, but she was begging. “Please---

“Please what?” he asked, not breaking eye contact with her. She inhaled and he asked. “Tell me what you want Kate.”

She didn’t know! Before she could answer him, she felt his finger inside her. Kate let out a loud cry as she fell back onto the bed. God, she didn’t know what she was feeling like. His finger, it felt strange, it felt wrong somehow. She didn’t know what was going on. She inhaled rapidly, tears dripping hotly down her cheeks for some reason. She didn’t know why. She was scared, but, there was something going on inside her. Something that she wasn’t familiar with and that was scary to her! 
“Easy.” He said as he ran a hand through her hair as she inhaled frantically. “You’re alright.” He moved his finger inside her, causing her to yelp loudly about the unusual sensation inside her. “There you go, breathe through it.”

She couldn’t breathe. She could barely breathe!! She could barely get a coherent thought together! “What,” she gasped out. “what, what are you…what are you doing?” 

“Getting you ready.” She jolted! Dear God, she should have known that he wasn’t going to just touch her! She couldn’t stop stammering as she tried to figure out what he was going to do to her. He seemed to ignore her nerves, which hadn’t liked at first, but had slowly grown to prefer because when he didn’t ignore, he asked questions. Questions meant that she had to give answers to. However, he seemed to know her concerns for he instantly clarified. “I’m not going to have sex with you Kate. Do you understand?” she could only nod as relief filled her being. “I am going to do… this until you come.”

She frowned. “C-come? Come from, where?”

He chuckled faintly before stating. “Orgasm.” she just stared at him, which caused him to frown. “You have come before, right?”

she shakes her head. “I-I don’t think so.”

He nods. “Right….you might want to enjoy it when it happens for you.”

“What happens?”

he laughs faintly. “You’ll see.”

“But----

“When it happens, just let it happen.” She wanted to ask more, but, he kept moving his finger inside her and it was distracting. It felt so bizarre. She bit her lip, trying to hold back the sounds, then she remembered he’d forbidden her for biting her lip. She stopped biting her lip and he nodded. “Good girl.”

He said that just as his finger hit a spot inside her. “Oh!”

She grabbed his wrist and his eyes went to hers. “You alright?” she couldn’t answer him. He held her gaze and nodded. “You’re alright. It’s ok.” 

He kept moving his finger in and out of her, pumping them deeply inside her. Kate let out a whimper as she stretched, trying to get comfortable underneath him, but she couldn’t. She looked up at him and asked. “What’s…happening to me?”

---

Oh, he was enjoying this. He’d waited a long time for this. Kate, a part of him knew that she’d be receptive to a gentle touch. He’d pushed her a bit, he could see she wasn’t ready and had been planning on telling him that. Then, he’d slid his finger inside her and she’d instantly tightened her walls around his finger. God! He could only imagine how tight she’d be around him when he finally got inside her.

Her eyes had watered a little bit, but she’d trusted him. Kate had instantly reacted to his fingers inside her. He’d moved slowly at first, watching her struggle to understand what was happening to her. Oh, the sound she’d made…it was exquisite. High and frantic, as she were scared that this sensation would fade away. He used his knee to spread her legs a bit more, which caused her to groan and tighten up on him. She was wet, not much, but starting to get damp for him. He kept it up, slowly moving his fingers deeper and deeper inside of her. She let out a heavy groan as he held tightly onto her waist. 

His thumb found her clit and Kate let out a scream! Oh, her green eyes were wide and she released his wrist to grab onto his shoulder. She stared at him, those eyes of hers begging for clarification that this was alright. He nodded encouragingly at her. “That’s it.” He slipped another finger inside her, causing her to jolt underneath him. “This is good, it’s alright.”

She was now crying, not crying in pain, he could read her well enough to know that. She was crying because she couldn’t understand what was going on inside her right now. Clearly, she had no idea what an orgasm was and pleasure was so foreign to her. Abuse was all that her body knew. She kept trying to move, find something to ease the sensations in her, but she couldn’t!

“Oh!” she begged as she held tightly onto him. “Stop!” He paused for a moment as she said. “Make it stop!”

he shook his head and resumed, causing her to cry out. “I can’t make it stop, Kate. Only you can.” She shook her head frantically while he maintained eye contact with her. “Come. Come for me.”

“No! I can’t!” She stated loudly as her body betrayed her. Kate let out a quiet wail and then a cry, her walls tightening even more around his fingers as she said. “Oh, God, no!”

“Yes!” He said loudly just as she came all over his fingers, tears dripping down her cheeks. She was shaking and breathing hard. She felt different, mostly because of the scars that were inside her. They were like little bumps and ridges inside her. It had taken a while for her to get wet. He knew that when they did get around to having sex that she needed to be especially wet in order to be able to take him.

“I-I’m sorry.” She gasped out, drawing his attention back to her. “I-I didn’t---

“It’s alright.” He said calmly. “That’s what you were supposed to do.” She covered her mouth and exhaled, tears in her eyes. He nods as he wraps his arm around her shoulders. “It’s alright. You’re supposed to do that.” He had a sneaking suspicion that she’d never had one before. “Never have an orgasm?”

she shook her head, confirming what she knew. “I-I wasn’t allowed to." He frowned. She confirmed his suspicions when she spoke again. "Whores aren’t…supposed to feel pleasure.”

He exhaled deeply. George, he couldn't wait till he finally got to meet him in Hell. “Well, you’re my wife and you’re supposed to come and you will every time you’re with me.” She could only stare up at him. “You understand?” She nodded. “You alright?”

“I…don’t know.” She stammered. 

He couldn’t help but cheekily ask her. “You like that?”

She looked positively drunk as she stammered. “I-I think so.”

“Just close your eyes for a bit and breathe. You’re alright.” She did just that. Her hands slid from his shoulders down to his waist. It was a reasonably comfortable enough silence and he allowed it. He glanced down at her, his fingers still between her legs and her nightdress was barely covering his fingers. Kate’s breathing slowed, she seemed relaxed. Her eyes were shut, almost as if she was asleep. After a moment of debating, he asked her. “Wanna try?”

she exhaled deeply. “Try what?”

He inhaled and said the words that were going to change her life. “Making that baby.”

Chapter 41: Something new

“Yes.”

The word slipped out of her mouth so quietly that he wasn’t sure that she’d heard him exactly. “Kate?” He repeated. “Did you hear me?” She nodded. “What’d I say?”

“Make the baby.” She murmured quietly. 

He wasn’t convinced. “Kate?” he gripped her chin and made her look at him. “Look at me.” Those green eyes of hers fluttered open and he studied her. He couldn’t read this expression of hers. Her eyes were glazed over and there was a semi-distant look in her eyes. But, there was a faint smile on her lips and no tension in her body. She seemed aware of her senses, but something was a little off. He exhaled and asked her in a low voice. “You want me to f**k you?”

That should have caused her to freak out, but she didn’t even blink. Instead, she nodded. “Yes, Thomas.”

That was the first time, she’d said his name and it stood out to him. He shook his head, not sure what was going on with her right now. He twitched his fingers inside her, causing her to whimper and her eyes to flutter close. “Want me to f**k you hard, Kate?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

He didn’t believe that, not in a million years. There was one way to find out. “Want me to put you on your stomach and f**k you from behind?”

“Yes, Thomas.”

Yeah, he wasn’t going to do this. His erection throbbed in protest as he started to realize that there was something wrong with Kate. She seemed like she was in control of her senses, but after what she’d endured, she’d never allow him to take her from behind. He exhaled and withdrew his fingers from her. He repositioned her on the bed, drawing her nightdress down around her legs. Kate let out a faint whimper, but barely stirred.

He looked at her. She was still half dazed. It was almost as if the trauma had caught ahold of her in peak of her pleasure and wouldn’t let go. He heard of things like this, severe states of euphoria, could cause a drugged like state But Kate’s euphoria, was tainted with the training that George had put her through. She was saying yes out of habit and she was a million miles away right now. A part of her may want him to f**k her, but he’d be very surprised if she actually did. The other half, was still broken and trying to protect herself by holding onto bad habits. Both were trying to get free and it was only a matter of before one side emerged undefeated. 

“Kiss me.” She moaned quietly, causing him to look at her. Her eyes were still closed and there was that mixed expression on her face. She whimpered and he watched as she drew herself in a fetal position. She twitched, drawing her legs together with a whimper. “Please.”

He shook his head as he lit a cigarette. “Haven’t even put my cock in you and part of you’s begging for more.” 

“More.” She murmured, clearly mimicking him.

He shook his head as he looked at her. “Ohhh, one day, I will. But not tonight. I’ll try again the morning. Alright?”

“Please.” She said softly. “Please.”

He shakes his head as he looks down at her. She was something else. Something new and he was so close finding out what it was. It would be fun, watching her learn what felt good to her and what she actually liked. Well, she liked this and that was only with his fingers. Once he was inside her, she was certain to be a welcome reprieve from Lizzie.

---

Kate yawned again as she walks down the stairs. She was feeling a little tired, but, pleasant somehow. She remembers a bit of last night, but not all of it. She flushed a little, because she did remember enjoying it. Its just…she couldn’t really remember what happened afterwards. She wasn’t sore, so, she didn’t think that they had sex. 

“Good morning,” Mrs. Hughes said as she rounded the corner. “you’re awake. Mr. Shelby said he’d see you in the library when you woke up.”

Kate nodded, flushing a little bit. Part of her was hoping that he was out on business. She wasn’t sure that she could look him in the eye after last night. “Alright, thank you.”

“You alright?” Mrs. Hughes inquired. “You need anything?”

Kate shakes her head. “No, just some toast, a scrambled egg and bacon, please.”

“Actually,” Mrs. Hughes said. “there’s some fresh scones downstairs. Per Mr. Shelby’s suggestion.”

Against her will, that strange feeling settle in her stomach again. He always made sure that she had everything that she might want and it was nice of him to do that. Kate nodded. “Thank you, that’ll be lovely as well.”

“Alright.”

Kate inhaled as she moved towards the library door and tapped on it. “Come in.” He said from the other side of the door. Kate felt the tip of her ears heat as she walked into the room. "Lock the door.” He said without looking up at her. “Don’t want Mrs. Hughes just barging in.”

Kate smiled. Mrs. Hughes had a tendency to just walk in without knocking. “Alright.” She locked the door and walked towards him. “Mrs. Hughes said, you wanted me?”

He nods. “Sit down.” She didn’t think anything of his clipped speech. He was in a good mood, she could tell from his body language. He was just a man of few words. In a moment, he exhaled and put down the pen in his hand before standing up. “Sleep well?”

She nodded. “Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

His brow arched as he reached into his pocket. “So, we’re back to that again.”

She frowned. “Back to what?”

“Last night, you were calling me Thomas.”

She blinked in confusion. “I-I was?"

"You don't remember?"

She blinked. “I-I remember a little, but not that.” 

“You told me, to f**k you.” She went still for a moment. “I didn’t.”

“I assure you, you did.” He stated with a smirk on his face. “Do you remember anything after coming?”

“Uhmm,” she thought back. She couldn’t really remember all of it. It was as if, her mind had melted and all thoughts had dripped out of her ears. “not much, why?”

he put the cigarettes on the desk without even bothering to light them. “Last night, I asked you if you wanted to try making that baby. You told me yes.”

Her jaw dropped. “I-I did!?”

He nodded. “Several times.” Ok, she did not remember that!! “You said I could f**k you hard and on your stomach as well.”

“Oh, God!” She jumped up from the chair, a hand on her rapidly beating heart. “I-I didn’t, you didn’t---

“No.” He said with a simple shake of his head. “You had a little turn afterwards. I think it was all a bit much for your head.”

She inhaled before admitting. “It, it’s never been like that before. It felt so---

She couldn’t describe it. He nodded before ordering. “Come here.” Kate walked, hesitantly over towards him. He patted the edge of the desk. “Sit down.” She did as he asked, slightly curious as to what he was asking of her. He nods. “Spread your legs.”

Ok, now she had an idea. “Uhm, Mr. Shelby---

“Lift your skirt.” Her head jerked upwards and she found herself looking into those blue eyes of his. Her heart started to race and pound in her chest. “Now.”

She did as he bid.

---

“Oh God!” Polly stilled in the door of the house as she heard Kate wailing from inside the library. “God! No!”

“It’s alright.” Thomas said, his voice, though low, managed to creep from under the library door.

Polly made a face. She didn’t want to hear this, but at the same time, Kate was saying ‘no’ so, she wanted to be sure that Thomas wasn’t forcing Kate. “It’s alright.” She looked up to see Mrs. Hughes approaching her with a smile on her face. “She’s alright.”

Polly frowned. “But she’s saying ‘no’.”

“Yes,” Mrs. Hughes gestured for her to come towards her. “but I can tell from her voice that she’s enjoying it. She’s just very…loud. Which, all things considered is a good thing.”

“How,” Polly shook her head as she moved towards the parlor. “is that a good thing?”

“Because she’s not screaming, nor is she in pain.” She shook her head. “God, there were moments where I couldn’t hear her and I wasn’t sure if she was unconscious or dead.”

Polly nods. “I’ll have to take your word for it. It must feel so strange to her, to have it all feel nice after everything that she’s been through.”

“You raised him well.” Mrs. Hughes said. “The first few nights I wasn’t sure, so I listened for a bit. He’s very patient with her.”

“Well, good to know I didn’t go wrong somewhere.” She glanced towards the door. “How are they doing?”

“Everything is going well.” Mrs. Hughes said. “They’ve been going to bed earlier and she’s been sleeping in later. She just got up twenty-five minutes ago.”

Polly’s brow arched. “It’s nearly noon!”

“I know!” Mrs. Hughes laughed as she said. “She came down with stars in her eyes this morning and blush in her cheeks.”

Polly smiled and nods. “And him?”

“Well,” Mrs. Hughes shrugs. “he doesn’t smile, but he was moving like he was happy with something.”

Polly laughs. “I’ll just bet.” Thomas always had a bit of an ego and she bet that him have to teach Kate had done wonders for that ego.  “Anything else?”

“Well, I’ve gotten her to start taking him his lunch.”

Polly frowns. “He eats lunch?”

“Not much. Kate winds up chatting with him for a good thirty minutes.”

Polly’s brow arches. “That’s good to hear. How about in the evenings? Do they spend any time together?”

“Not too much, sometimes, when he’s not working, they’ll sit in the parlor and talk a little.”

“Talk?” Polly asks. “That doesn’t sound like Thomas.”

“She talks mostly, but he answers the questions.” 

Polly nods. “Now, it sounds like Thomas.” The door to the library opens and Kate walks out, a hand on her stomach. She inhales deeply as she walks alongside the wall, a slight wobble in her steps. But, there’s certainly a smile on her face and a faint blush on her cheeks. Polly shakes her head. “Christ, she’s got it bad.”

Mrs. Hughes nods. “I know. I don’t think she’s aware of it completely yet.”

“They need to get away together.” Mrs. Hughes advises. “Somewhere for a few days, but I don’t think anyone could convince Mr. Shelby to go.”

Polly nods in agreement before smirking. “Hmm, I wonder how he’d feel about getting away for a bit.”

Mrs. Hughes shakes her head. “That’d be nice, but I don’t think you’ll get him to go.”

“We’ll see,” Polly said as she lit up a cigarette. “I know exactly how to get him out of the house.”

Mrs. Hughes frowns. “How?” 

Polly smirks as she states. “Thomas Shelby has exactly one weakness and I know what it is.”

Chapter 42: If at first you don't succeed,

One week later,

---

“What’d you f**king say?” Thomas demanded.

“The horse, broke out of his paddock.” The man stuttered. “My men are out looking for him.” He let out an exhale of frustration. This was NOT what he had planned. “Look,” he stuttered. “if you two have lodgings in the village, I could send someone to you and let you know when we found the horse.”

“And how do I know you even have the horse?” he stated.

The man’s eyes widened. “Mr. Shelby, we wouldn’t lie about this, especially to you and Mrs. Gray. I swear, I’ll get the horse back!”

He groaned. They’d been on the train to Gloucester for nearly four hours and that’s only because there was trouble on the track. Then, there was another 30 minutes to get to the farm out in Maisemore. He’d hired a horse and trap to take them to the farm. He normally wouldn’t have come out, but Polly said that this friend of hers, Mr. Wyle, had a thoroughbred, crossed with ¼ Arab and ¼ Irish draught. The Irish draught had intrigued him, meaning the horse was built for endurance. He was fast too, faster than Grace’s secret, so he was worth a look. He’d have preferred that Curly be here, but Curly was on the river when he’d been asked to have a look at the horse and he didn’t want to wait. This whole thing was turning out to be one misadventure after another.

He turned towards Kate. “What do you think?”

She bit her lip and then said. “Perhaps we should take up lodgings somewhere. That way, when they find the horse they can call us. No need for us to go all the way back home and then return.”

“Sure it won’t bother you?” 

She nods. “I’m sure. It’s a beautiful place out here.”

He exhales. He hates being away from Charlie, but she’s right. This’ll all get resolved shortly, he was sure of it. He turns towards Mr. Wyle, who is pale. “Where are some accommodations?”

Mr. Wyle stammered. “Uhm, go down the road, I’m sure you passed by Rose Cottages.” He nods. He remembered. “I’ll call ahead and they’ll have something ready for you and your wife. And Mr. Shelby, he should be back by this evening. He loves to run, but he hates the rain. He’ll come back to his stall.”

He nods. “Right.” He turns to Kate. “Let’s go.” She nods and walks back towards the trap. He lifts her up into it before going to untie the horse. “F**king hell.” He mumbles under his breath before climbing up into the cart.

Kate exhales. “Perhaps, they’ll find the horse sooner and maybe we can take the last train back, if you’re concerned about Charlie.”

He nods. “Yeah.” He didn’t want to be out alone, he especially didn’t want to be out late with Kate. He exhaled and looked towards her. “Once we get the cottage, we’ll go back to Gloucester, I’ll take you to dinner.”

“I don’t have anything to wear for dinner.” She said. “There’s a market just before the cottage. I can make something for dinner.”

He glances at her. “You know how to cook?”

She nods. “I spent a majority of my childhood in the kitchen. Mrs. Patmore, taught me how to cook.”

He nods. “Alright, we’ll stop at the market. I don’t know it the cottage has a stove.”

She debates. “I’ll risk it.” After a few moments of silence, she asks him. “What would you like to eat? Anything in particular?”

He shakes his head. “I’m not fussy.”

“Ok.”

They didn’t talk much and Kate disappeared inside the little market with the money that he’d given her. She came out with two bags full of food. He arches his brow. “What’d you get?”

“Well,” she bit her lip. “I did talk to the proprietor, Mr. Carson, and he says that all the cottages are equipped with a stove and even a refrigerator. So, I bought some biscuits and eggs for tomorrow. I thought I’d make omelets.” He reached for a bag. “Dinner, I thought of chicken Francese, with green beans and mashed potatoes because it comes with a sauce. I bought too much didn’t I?”

He glanced down to offer her a hand to pull her up. “No. You’re fine. Buy any wine to go with that?”

She stared at him in surprise. “White, but…I didn’t buy too much?”

He shakes his head. “No. You want to cook, go ahead.”

She hesitates and then confesses. “I also bought two mini lemon tarts.” He smiles inwardly. He’s not surprised. She reaches into her purse and looks for the change as he clicks the horses on. “I don’t have much left, but---

“Keep the change Kate. It’ll be much cheaper than dinner out.”

He felt her hesitate and then she asked. “Are you mad at me?”

He shook his head, keeping his eyes on the road. “I’m mad at Polly, Mr. Wyle, the horse, but,” he turned towards her and assured her. “not you.” She exhaled in relief. “You go ahead and have your fun.” She exhaled and laughed lightly. He smiled faintly internally; she was always so concerned and upset about things that when she smiled, it eased his soul just a little bit.

---

That evening,

---

Kate let out a laugh, she was just a little happy because of the wine, but not drunk. Thomas let out a chuckle as she walked towards him, drying her hands on the towel. He shakes his head. “I think, it’s time we retired for the night.”

Kate nods as she lets out a yawn. “Alright.” The evening had been fun, Thomas had actually helped her in the kitchen and they’d chatted about things. Thomas, apparently loved horses and that was one of the first things that she had in common. She’d asked permission to possibly ride one of his horses when they returned and he agreed. He even said that he went for rides early in the morning and if she got up, they could go riding together. She’d instantly agreed to that. She didn’t mind spending time with him, even if he didn’t speak much. The silence and his presence spoke volumes.

She walks towards the room and turns on a light. She closes the curtains before sitting on the edge of the bed to remove her shoes, stockings and dress. She doesn’t have pajamas, so she has to sleep in her undergarments. Thomas usually gives her privacy to change her clothes, but not tonight. Tonight, he follows her in and starts getting out of his clothes. It feels awkward and wrong that he was watching her. She knew he was watching her because she could feel his eyes on her. She folded her clothes as quickly and casually as she could so she could get under the bed covers.

But the moment she got into the bed, he said. “Leave the covers down.”

She nodded. “Alright.” She knew what was coming, she didn’t mind it but, one night without doing anything would have been nice. Still, they were on a schedule and he was a man who always stuck to his plans. 

Thomas pulled off his final article of clothing, his trousers and then he got on top of her. Her heart swirled violently in her stomach at his closeness. Despite him proving that he’d never hurt her, his nearness never failed to unnerve her. Kate inhales deeply, maintaining eye contact as his hand slides up under her slip to remove her shorts. He pauses, shooting her a questioning look and she nods her consent. He wasted no time in removing them, sliding them down her legs quickly, yet smoothly. She inhaled, letting out a faint gasp as he slid a long finger inside her. A faint moan escaped her lips and he continued to manipulate that finger inside her.

“Spread your legs.” He ordered her. She did so, a faint flush filling her body, she couldn’t help but feel obscene with her legs splayed open for him. “Good girl.” God! She didn’t know what it was about him saying that. Every time he did, Kate felt her body flush and grow wetter for him. When she was nearing her orgasm, he asked her the words that she knew was coming. “Do you want to try?”

she knew what he was asking of her. She couldn’t answer him at first, but she did nod. “Yes.

He studied her. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” She wasn’t. But, she’d considered the possibility of him asking her tonight and she was ready for it. If he’d asked, she’d agree, but only because they weren’t home. Kate was loud, but this…she didn’t know how she’d react the moment that Thomas was inside her. Charlie and Mrs. Hughes rooms were only a few doors down. If ever there was an opportunity for them to discover her reaction without being heard, this was it. 

Thomas nodded and studied her. “You can hold onto me. If you don’t like something, tell me. If you need more, tell me. Understand?”

She nodded. “Yes, I will.” 

In truth, she didn’t really understand what he was asking her. She didn’t know what she liked. And more? More of what? What could she possibly need more of? But this was all too strange and embarrassing. With that, Thomas withdrew his hand from her to remove his shorts. Kate stifles a whimper as she sees him naked for the first time and it’s terrifying to her. He’s certainly, much, much larger than George. God, this was going to hurt so much. When he leaned forward and arched against her, it was as if she was back into George’s house, waiting for him to walk into their bedroom and tear her apart. But George failed and Thomas might very well success. she shakes her head and starts protesting. “I can’t, I can’t do this---

“Kate,” he said soothingly. “Calm down---

she couldn’t. “I can’t!” she shook her head. “Please, don’t---

“Kate!” He said firmly as he gripped her face and made her look at him. She inhaled raggedly, breathing deeply. “Look at me!”

She had to, for she couldn’t move. He held her firmly as he stated. “Look at me. You’re alright.” She wasn’t. “Breathe.” He ordered. “Breathe in,” she did as he told her to do, but it was still a struggle. “Breathe out.” They repeated this for a few minutes until she finally got her breathing under control. He studied her and asked. “Can you do this?”

she nodded. “Yes, I-I can.” She couldn’t do this, but she didn’t want to anger him. He was her husband. He had the right to her body and he’d certainly held off for a long enough time. 

He studied her before stating. “Alright. Hold onto me. It’ll be alright.”

She didn’t believe him. Still, they’d gotten this far, he’d helped her get through this. She nodded. “Al-alright.” 

He nods. “Ok. I’m going to move slow, let me know if something hurts.” She inhales, breathing through and past the panic. Kate reaches up and grabs onto his forearms. She closes her eyes, preparing for this moment. “Kate? Look at me.” She does so reluctantly. His blue eyes were searching her face for something. “Take a deep breath.” She did. “That’s it.” Before she could even gathered a second thought, Kate became aware of something.

There wasn’t a moment for her to exhale, for Thomas was inside of her. Kate froze….and then she screamed against his neck. He was inside her! Kate couldn’t breathe! God, he’d said he’d be slow, he wasn’t. He was in her and he was tearing her open! God! He was big! He’d probably entered quickly not to prolong her agony, but George had never been this big. It would have than easier to take two of George than one of him! And truth be told, Kate wasn’t sure yet that he was fully aroused! Meaning there’d be more of him to take in time!

He instantly stopped and asked her, “Am I hurting you?”

She ignored the question and just begged him. “Please, please don’t hurt me.”

“I’m not going to hurt you. I’m trying not to.” he slipped his hand between them and found her clit. “Talk to me Kate. What’s going on? Does it hurt?”

she inhaled and whimpered out a little bit as tears dribbled down her cheeks. “Yes, a-a little bit.”

“Give me a minute. I don’t think I got you wet enough. That was my fault. Let me fix it.” she let out a whimper as he fondled her. “That feel better?”

“I-I don’t know yet.” He exhaled and Kate hastened to tell him. “You can just go ahead and---

“No.” he glanced at her. “I am not going to f**k you dry, alright?” she could only nod. she still didn’t want to be with him, but at least he was trying to make her feel comfortable. He held her gaze. “You alright?”

she inhaled as she confessed. “I-I don’t, know.” 

He studied her. “Want me to stop?”

She would, but, he’s already inside her. He’s hard, he needs his release and she knows what men are like when they aren’t satisfied. He wouldn’t like it if he had to use his hand instead of her body. She inhaled and croaked. “I’ll be fine.”

He hesitated, but he was still stimulating her. He studies her and says. “Talk to me, tell me if something’s off. Ok?”
She nods. “Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

He exhaled deeply before withdrawing slightly and thrusting back into her. Kate groaned and held tightly on his forearms. God, it felt nearly like the coke bottle was inside her again, but instead of a sharp edge and cold glass, it was him. He was warm, solid and big. Kate bit her lip, struggling to stop herself from crying out, but in the end, his stimulation of her broke her. She turned her face aside, softly crying out as he thrust in and out of her. It’s awkward, cold, stiff and slightly painful in her head, but not physically traumatizing to her body. While he was being so careful with her and keeping his touch soft, it was like being on the edge of hell without actually entering it. She wasn’t sure how long it dragged on, but all too soon, he came inside her. She hadn’t been ready for that and again, she cried out. He flooded her with his seed and Kate covered her mouth to hold back the urge to vomit as that sickening feeling filled her body again. 

After a moment, he carefully withdrew from between her legs and pulled up his shorts to his waist . Kate turned onto her side, biting her finger so he won’t see her crying anymore. But he does. He exhales as he lays on his side, spooning her gently, which causes more tears to run down her cheeks. God, she needed to cry so badly but she was sick of tears. He slowly runs his hand down her back as he asks. “You alright?”

She nods and whispers. “I’m, fine.”

She can’t say anything more than that. She’s shaking so much. Suddenly, he pulls her closer to him. She shivers as he runs his hand through her hair, down her back to her hip. He does this several times before pulling the covers around her quivering body. There’s several long moments of silence until he says gently. “That wasn’t very nice for you.”

She bites her lip as she admits. “I-I’ve had worse.”

“You deserved better.” 

Those words hurt as she croaked. “I-I’m not, very good at this.”

“You were fine.” He said quietly. “First time, was bound not to be very good. It’ll get better in time. You need time Kate.”

She doubted that. She shook her head as she said quietly as tears dribbled hotly down her cheeks. “You should go back to Lizzie. Because I don’t want to do that ever again.” Her voice broke as she cried. “I-I don’t want to feel, that again!”

he said nothing as she cried and she was glad for that. He held onto her, his arms strong around her shoulder and she was glad for something to hold onto as her heart broke. Despite all his patience, George and all those monsters had won. They’d broken her. She should have just let George kill her that night because she just now realized that he'd already killed her a long time ago.

Chapter 43: Try, try again

The following morning,

---

When she woke up, she was alone and she was glad for that. 

She felt terrible. She felt like a waste of space. She didn’t even feel like a woman anymore. Despite Thomas’s earlier proclamations that she’d enjoy sex, she’d been right all along. She wasn’t able to. It was impossible. It was impossible for her to enjoy sex, no matter what. Last night, it had been….God, she didn’t know what to say. There were a few good moments, but the bad moments outnumbered the good ones.

Part of the problem was that this was a loveless marriage. There was no real affection between them and Kate felt like a mare in his barn that he’d occasionally wander by and breed. She’d accepted that thought originally, or so she’d thought until last night. When Thomas said to tell her if she’d wanted more, she couldn’t tell him that because what she wanted, he couldn’t give her. He could give her the protection of his body and he could take care of her, but he couldn’t love her. That’s probably what hurt her the most about this whole arrangement. The moment he’d thrust into her, the one coherent thought in her head was that she was now legally bound to this man. She was now his wife and only death could part them. Thomas had already stated that he didn’t believe in divorce.

She couldn’t help but wonder now, how it could have felt to be with someone who loved her. Her first time was with George and he’d brutally ripped that experience to shreds. The other men, they’d been like volunteers, picking pieces of herself apart for their own pleasure. Then, there was Thomas. He was different, the problem with him was while he cared, it was clear that his primary emotion towards her was indifference. She hated this. 

All her life she’d been given to men that just used her. Now, she was once again bound to another man who’d use her to create another life within her if he could. Either way, she was still another man’s property to be exploited and Thomas Shelby was a man who looked after his property with an iron fist.

Kate sniffled and went to the bathroom. She started the water and stripped out of her undergarments and got into the bath. She’d have a good cry and hopefully by the time he returned from wherever he’d gone, this whole thing wouldn’t be brought up again. Hopefully, he'd never want to have sex with her again.

---

He’d f**ked up again.

He wasn’t quite sure how he’d managed to go and muck up her first time so badly, but he had. She’d done so well at communicating with him that he’d trusted her. That had been a big mistake on his part. He’d done well until it was time to enter her. Kate had been so tense that he’d thought he’d just enter her quickly just to ‘pull off the bandage’ instead of prolonging her agony. He'd already gotten her wet, so it shouldn't hurt her. 

He’d guessed wrong. Kate was tight. She was so f**king tight it felt like she was going to break his cock inside her. That had been all his brain had been aware of. He’d done his best to stay in the moment, to see if she was alright. But in the end, his cock took over all thoughts of her needs. He’d put his needs over hers and that turned the whole thing into a huge disaster.
Kate, for all her insecurity, she was amazing. Those little ridges inside her, they felt good on his cock. She felt good, but he hadn’t made her feel good. He’d gotten up early and ridden the horse to the drugstore near the grocery store. She might be sore when she woke up and he’d like to prevent that if he could. 

As he rode through the morning mist, ignoring the smell of the incoming rainstorm, his thoughts turned to Kate. He hadn’t meant to be a bad husband and neglect her needs, but he had. After everything that she’d endured, he’d stepped into the shadow of those men and he was sick with himself. Kate, she needed to be loved .he didn’t have to love her, he just had to love her body. That’s all there was to it.

He hoped that when he got back to the cottage that Kate had just enough strength inside her to let him try with her one last time. She deserved to feel good and he refused to let her accept that miserable time with him as her last time. No. Her last time with him, she’d shine.

---

Kate had just pulled her slip on when she heard the door to the cottage open. Her heart jumped in her chest and she looked around. She’d left her purse in the other room, which meant she couldn’t reach her gun. She unlocked the door and tiptoed out of the room, heading towards the purse.

“Kate?” it was Thomas. She exhaled in relief. She shook her head and went to get her dress off the back of the chair. “Where are you?”

she turned and called out. “Bedroom!” He must have been close by for the door opened shortly thereafter. Kate exhaled and shook her head. “I’ll make breakfast in a moment. Just let me---

“I need you,” he said in a raspy voice. “to get in the bed.” Kate froze at those words. She turned and looked at him. He was already pulling his shirt off and over his head. He’d kicked his dirty shoes off before moving towards her, his hands on his belt. “We’re going to try again.”

Oh, God no! No! She couldn’t take it again! She shook her head as she declared. “Last night wasn’t very enjoyable---

“I know.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tube. “I went out and bought this for you.” She frowned as she looked at it. “Back in the bed Kate.”

“But---

“We’re going to try again.” He stated firmly. “I will not, let that be the last time that you experience sex. Not like that.”

She shook her head and croaked. “Please, I’m not very good at this.”

“You’re good,” he stated as he removed the cap from the tube and set it on the nearby nightstand. “last night, it was my fault. I f**ked up several things.”

She shook her head as tears trickled down her cheeks. “Mr. Shelby, I-I can’t do that again. I can’t!”

“And you won’t.” He said firmly as he squirted a bit of that odd jelly on one finger. “I give you my word, it won’t be like before.”

She shakes her head. “I-I want to trust you, but, I can’t.”

He inhaled and asked. “Just, let me touch you Kate.” She shakes her head. “One minute. I promise, you’ll change your mind.”

He wasn’t going to let this go. She inhaled, tears starting to build in her eyes. “What, are you, going to do to me?”

He glances down at her. “You wearing anything under there?”

She shakes her head. “N-no.”

“Are you sore?”

she blinked. She hadn’t thought about that. Normally, the day after ‘sex’ she was in pain. She took a few steps forward and shook her head. “No, I’m not.”

“You lying to me?”

she shook her head. “No, Mr. Shelby.”

He stepped forward and exhaled. “Part your legs.” She nodded and did as he asked while looking past him to focus on the window. That focus was short lived. Thomas slid a finger inside her and Kate jolted back towards him. His finger had something cold on it. And whatever it was, it was wet. He swirled his finger around inside her, carefully lubricating her internal wall. However, it was the coolness that she liked. He leaned forward, placing a hand on her waist, steadying her as his fingers continued their magic inside her. “That feel better?”

She nodded as she stammered. “A-a little. Y-yes.”

Then Thomas leaned forward and he placed a kiss on her neck. A whoosh of air left her lungs as Thomas began to concentrate on her neck. This, was beyond confusing for Kate. Why the hell was he kissing her!? They’d never kissed in bed together! Well, Kate wasn’t even in bed but, everything was always kept very sterile between them! Kate inhaled sharply, her chest burning as Thomas continued his administrations to her neck. Her body started to shake in confusion.

Suddenly, Thomas gripped her tightly around the waist and got her onto the bed. She couldn’t understand what was going on. Nothing, had been like this between them. She’d NEVER been kissed in bed, ever! Lots of things had happened to her in bed, but none of it involved kissing. Despite her previous protests, that funny feeling, that fire was sparking inside her again. Sounds were creeping out of her mouth and she just now realized that Thomas had two fingers inside her.

She groaned as he thrust forward against her entrance. “Oh!”

“You’re alright.” He said as his kisses began to move towards her cheek. She could only stammer as heat filled her face. What had gotten into him? Why was he doing this to her? Why, why was he still kissing her? “F**k, if you’re not ready to come on my fingers this time.”

“Oh!” she cried out, tightening around his fingers deep inside her. “W-what’s happening?”

“Can I try again, Kate?” he asked. “Will you let me try and if you don’t enjoy this, I won’t try again with you.”

She wouldn’t enjoy it, she knew this. Still, she nodded and gasped out. “Alright.”

Thomas nodded and removed his trousers, his hands were shaking but she didn’t know why. He must be anxious for some reason. God, he was just as large as he’d been yesterday! Kate had hoped that his size would be a one-time thing, which he’d been that way because he’d been forced to wait so long. But no, he was just naturally large! 

He exhaled as he lined himself up at her entrance. She bit her lip and looked up at the ceiling, but he didn’t allow that. “Look at me Kate.” He ordered and she did with a sniffle “Look at me.”

She shook her head, begging. “Please, Mr. Shelby. I don’t think I can----

And that was the moment that Thomas Shelby chose to kiss her on the mouth for the first time in their whole marriage! However, he wasn't to know that was the first time that'd she'd ever been kissed and somehow...his kiss brought her whole body back to life again!

Chapter 44: And again

Kate felt every single molecule in her body flare up and come to life! She let out a garbled sound of surprise. Tomas’s free hand cupped her face, holding her there while he kissed her. Kate moaned, debating if she’d respond to him or not. She didn’t know what was going on! Last night, it had been absolutely dreadful and this morning, he was kissing her! Kate had little innocent pecks, so this was completely new and strange to her! He removed his fingers from inside her and Kate let out a slight whine. 

He broke the kiss and told her firmly. “Arms around my neck.” She did and started to look down where they were going to be joined in a matter of seconds. He, however, gripped her chin and made her look at him. He shakes his head. “Not down there. Close your eyes.”

God, that meant she couldn’t see. She’d have no time to prepare herself! She was trying to figure out how to tell him that, when he covered her mouth with his and kissed her deeply. Again, that strange feeling flared in her stomach and she inhaled deeply. She moaned unwittingly as a part of her reacted. He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her towards him. Her eyes flew open as she felt him against her entrance. She wanted to look down, wanted to be ready for the moment when it happened, but he still had her chin.

“Close your eyes.” He repeated.

Kate shook her head as she gasped out. “I-I can’t.” 

He nods. “Then keep your eyes on me. Not down there. Can you do that?”

She raggedly draws in a breath as she nods. “I-I’ll try.”

“Good girl.” She bit her lip, causing him to smirk. “You like that.” She shakes her head. “Yeah you do. Every time I say it…you f**king tighten up on me.”

Waves of embarrassment flood her entire body. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he says as he runs his hand down between her legs to fondle her clit. She let out a cry as her back sharply arched against her will. “you’re allowed to like this.”

She was skeptical about such a thing. She studied him carefully. She had so many questions. Especially, with the kisses. Why? Why God had he taken to kissing her? It was so confusing to her. He leaned forward as if to kiss her again…then she felt pressure inside her. She gasped as she realized that this time, it wasn’t painful. She exhaled in relief and his blue eyes searched her face. “That better?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

“You’re not lying to me?” she shook her head. “Answer me.”

“No, Mr. Shelby!”

he inhales. “Right, we’re going to try something a little different.”

That put her on edge and she tensed. “How so?”

“Don’t worry,” he said with a smirk. “just want to make you feel a bit more comfortable.” He grabbed her around the waist and twisted. Kate let out a yelp as she found herself straddling him while he laid on his back! She stared down at him, heat filling her face. “Now,” he cleared his throat. “I think, you’ll need a bit more time with me on top of you.” She inhaled sharply. “This, gives you a bit more control and you can stop when you need to.”

Ok, she’s never heard that before. Why would he want to relinquish control and say that she could stop if she needed to? It made no sense to her. Why would he tell her that? “But,” she stammered out. “you need---

“I need you,” he said. “to get to the point where you trust me and know that I won’t hurt you when I f**k you. Now, I’ll touch you and I’ll help you a little bit, but you’re in control. Alright?”

she nodded. “Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

“And maybe,” he advised. “try calling me by my name. I’m not your lord and master.” She doubted that. He cleared his throat as he placed his hands on her waist. She inhaled deeply and he studied her. “You done something like this before?” she had. It wasn’t a pleasant memory. It had been George under her. “Kate?” she snapped back into the present. He arched a brow. “In here,” he said softly. “stay in here with me. Not there with him. Alright?”

she inhales deeply as she nods. “I’ll try…Thomas.” His name felt thick on her tongue, it was strange to call him Thomas.

He nods as he advises. “Move slow, take your time, do what feels good to you.” 

Kate inhaled deeply before asking. “How, do you want it? How do you want me---

“Shh.” He studied her as he declared. “I want…you to do whatever feels good for you.” Again, those little words touched her. He nodded. “Whenever you’re ready, you can do what you want.”

She wasn’t used to this. She wasn’t used to any man telling her that she had control. She’d instantly realized that was why he’d chosen to give her this privilege. She was supposed to be pleasing him, but, he wanted her to be pleased first. Kate inhaled deeply and started to move slowly, keeping her hands on her knees. She didn’t know if she was allowed to touch him or not. She inhaled, riding him hesitantly and true to his word, his hands stayed on her hips for the time being. After a good minute or two, his left hand slid under her nightdress and he stimulated her. Kate nearly fell forward, but managed to catch herself.

His brow arched as he asked. “You alright?”

She nodded. “Yes. I-I lost my balance for a moment.”

“You can touch me, Kate.” She paused and stared down at him. He nodded. “It’s alright. Go ahead.”

She hesitated, then her left hand moved slowly down to grip his right hand, which was still on her waist. He nods encouragingly at her. She moved right hand down to rest on his chest. He nods and she continued riding him slowly. He then guided her left hand up towards her breast. Kate inhaled sharply as he had her hand cover her breast. She looked down at him as he manipulated her hand to massage her breast. She gasped, barely able to hold his gaze. 

“Swirl your hips a little.” He advised. 

She did as he suggested and let out a faint sound. How did he know so much about what felt good? Frankly, she’d thought it was impossible for things like this to feel good! It still didn’t quite feel right, but by God, it felt so much better than yesterday. She was sweating, she could feel that her slip was starting to stick to her body. She was still wet, so she was able to slide up and down on him easily. There wasn’t anymore pain. There was just a cloud in her head, but, she was focused on him right now. Not herself, but he was taking care of her and she found moans and whimpers sneaking out of her lips due to his attention. He advised her on little things. On how to move and what could feel good to her. He was so gentle and loving with her. Not once, did he ever tell her that he wanted something done for him. He was actually helping her and giving her support as she grew close.

She let out a moan as she felt something like a stab of pain. “T-Thomas?”

“You’re close.” He said as he sat up, his fingers working her clit over. She grabbed ahold of hid shoulders. He nods as she held his gaze, silently asking for permission. “You can come Kate. Come on my cock.” She did with a cry! The orgasm rocked her so hard that her head fell forward touched his. He let out a grunt as he wrapped his arm around her waist, holding her in place as once again he flooded her body with his seed. Kate shuddered slightly, but it wasn’t as vile as it had been yesterday. 
She was gasping as he turned, laying her on her back. It felt strange that having him on top of her could feel comfortable, yet creepy at the same time. The warmth was wanted, but his closeness wasn’t. Yet, she couldn’t have one without the other, so she just closed her eyes and breathed as he leaned forward and kissed her neck. “Good girl.” She shuddered at those words, causing him to nod in approval. “You were good.”

Ok, she wasn’t expecting that. Her eyes flew open and she stared up at him in pure confusion. “W-what?”

“You were very good.” he exhaled as he carefully pulled out her. She wasn’t sure why he was complimenting her like this. He cleared his throat as he laid back on his back and pulled his shorts back up around his waist. “Felt good once I got you wet,” her world spun in pure confusion as he grabbed his cigarette and matches from the nightstand. He lit one and exhaled deeply, everything about him seemed content. “everything a man should want.”

“You’re mocking me.” he glanced at her and she gasped, covering her mouth. She hadn’t meant to say that aloud. It’s just the idea that she was good at this, was so ludicrous that she couldn’t believe he’d said such a stupid thing. “I-I’m sorry.”

“No.” He said as he blew smoke up into the air. “You’re very good.”

“I-I pleased you?” she stammered. 

That was hard to believe. She could hear George shouting at her. Saying how useless she was. How she deserved everything that he did to her because she couldn’t please him. That she was a miserable and pathetic excuse for a woman. In France, he’d hired a French whore and f**ked the woman on the bed, all the while shouting at her to watch. She’d refused at first and George had punched her in the face. That was the first time he’d broken her nose. She sat there, mentally somewhere else as George ‘educated’ her on how a ‘wife’ was supposed to ‘please her husband’. She’d been told that she’d ‘failed’ so many times so to hear someone like Thomas Shelby, a man that obviously had many lovers in the past say that she was good…it didn’t make sense to her!

 “You were very good, I think that---

“You’re lying.”

He frowned and looked at her. “What’s that?”

“You’re lying.” She stated as her head started to ache with a passion. Almost as if there was a rock pushing behind her eyes and trying to get out through sheer force!  “You’re lying.”

“I don’t understand, I just said---

“You’re lying. I know you’re lying.”

He frowned. “Why the f**k would I---

“Because he hurt me.” The words just popped out and the tears started flowing. “If I did it right, he wouldn’t have to hurt me because I-I…I couldn’t do it right!”

“Kate,” he turned towards her and ran his hand down her cheek. “you did everything right.”

“Then why hurt me?” She asked as the tears started flowing frantically. “Why? Why!? Why’d he hurt me?” He put out the cigarette as she repeated. “Why hurt…me?”

he didn’t answer, he just reached for her and pulled her into his lap. God, she was so tired of crying, but she hoped that there’d come a day where she had no more tears to dry. God, she hoped that day was soon because she wanted to get better.

Chapter 45: Feeling good

An hour later,

---

Kate smiled faintly as she watched Thomas riding the horse around the arena. He was bareback and he cut quite a fine figure on the horse. It was a beautiful sight, watching him ride around the arena. For the first time, a part of him seemed at peace. She wondered how a man like him, who clearly loved horses so much had gotten into the business he was in now. She hadn’t seen it before, but watching him handle the horse, she’d seen that he honestly was a gentle man. She could see it in the way he touched and spoke to the horse. She hadn’t seen it when he was handling her, but, she saw it now. Strange, how it took seeing him on a horse for her to see that.

They didn’t get to talk this morning. By the time she’d stopped crying, there was a knock at the door. Thomas had gone to answer it and returned to say that the horse had been found last night, completely unharmed. He said she could stay in bed if she wanted to and rest, or she could accompany him. She’d chosen to accompany him and he’d waited patiently outside for her. After helping her into the trap, he’d handed her the biscuits that she’d bought and told her to eat them. She’d managed to eat one before they arrived at the farm. And she could see why Polly had sent him to investigate this horse. He was beautiful and fast, strong as well. 

Thomas patted the horse’s neck before dismounting. He nods. “I want my man to look him over first. Get him on the first train to Birmingham, then, once Curly gives him the all clear, we’ll talk money.”

Mr. Wyle nodded. “Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

He turns towards and asks. “Ready to go?”

She hesitates and asks. “Might we, go for a walk first, before returning?”

He nods. “Yeah. Alright.” He placed his hand on the small of her back, nudging her towards a path that she’d not noticed before. She wanted to talk to him, but wasn’t sure how to find the words. They walked together in companionable silence before she found the words first.

“I’m sorry.” She said softly, she could feel him looking at her out of the corner of his eye. “About this morning. I didn’t mean to---

“It’s alright.” He shakes his head. “You’ve never had sex like that before. Bound to be a bit overwhelming at first, but, it’ll get better in time.”

“Better?” she turned towards him. He nods as she asks, her cheeks flushing. “I-I don’t understand.”

He smirks faintly before asking. “Did you enjoy this morning?” Her cheeks flamed as she nodded. “Let me tell you something Kate.” He stepped closer and her heart started to pound in her chest at his nearness. “It can feel better than between us. Much better.”

She stared at him, hardly daring to believe that such a thing was true. While she did trust him, there was a mixture of curiosity and fear. She was curious about it honestly feeling good, but scared that he could suddenly change and he’d be angry over her inability to please him. Yes, he said that she was good, but she still couldn’t believe him. Five minutes couldn’t erase two years of hell from her mind.

She inhaled and asked. “What…do you want from me? I mean, any expectations?”

He shook his head. “Only that you enjoy yourself.” She shook her head, blinking back the tears. “I know, you don’t believe me, but, all things considered…I don’t think there can be anything more than that between us.” While she agreed with him, his admission hurt for some reason. She didn’t know why, but it did hurt. Still, she nodded in agreement. “I don’t love you. I’m still in love with my wife.”

“I know,” she says softly. “I respect and admire that.” She inhaled and said. “No matter, what Polly or the others say…you don’t have an obligation to feel anything towards me and it’s alright.” She inhales as she confesses. “I don’t think…I have it in me to feel anything more than what we have now.”

He nods. “That’s good. Now that we have an understanding…we both know what to expect from each other.” He studied her before asking. “Do you have any expectations from me?”

She shakes her head. “No. The rings, they represent a union, not a marriage.” He nods in agreement. “I think, maybe in time,” she shivered and croaked. “I-I don’t mean to be, presumptuous and certainly not now.” She inhaled, struggling to speak past the lump in her throat. “We can be something…close to friends.”

He was silent for a long time before stating. “You don’t want to be friends with a man like me.”

She bit her lip and admitted. “I don’t want, to be married to a man like you, but I am.” The words, somehow couldn’t stop coming out. “You have a boy, you want me to give you another child. We’re going to have to raise these children together.” She inhaled as she ran her hand over the scar from where he’d cut her hand. “I don’t know much about this blood bond, but…I expect that it means something. It doesn’t have to mean anything between us but,” she shakes her head. “what I went through with George---

“I’ll never,” he said firmly. “ever, put a hand on you like that. You can trust me.”

“But I don’t trust you, because I don’t know you!” She stated. “Yes, you can say that, but I don’t believe you! I-I want to try, so…the children don’t see me react to you anytime you walk into the room.”

She bit her lip to stop from speaking, but he nodded. “Keep talking, you’re alright.”

She inhaled. “Every time, you raise your hand, even if it’s nudge me out of the way, I expect you to punch me in the face. If I say anything to anger you, I expect that you’ll just call up the men in your staff and say---

“I wouldn’t do that!” he said firmly as he gripped her shoulders and made her look at him. He was angry. “You’re my wife, that makes you my property. No other man will share you and I’ll kill anyone who tries to take you against your will.”

“I’m well aware,” she stated. “that I’m your property. That means you can do whatever you want to me whenever it pleases you and I just have to take it! If I go to the police or anywhere for help, I’ll just be sent back here because I’m your property! And I know not to run because you will see fit!”

“F**k!” He half-roared. “Why the hell would you think I’d do that to you!?”

“Because that’s what George would do!” She stated as tears filled her eyes. “All I know is George! All I know is Darby and whatever the rest of his staff and underlings were allowed to do.” She inhaled. “Yes, I know that you’ve given your word not to hurt me, but George did to. You both spoke vows that are meaningless to you. So, how do I know what the truth is?”

“Because I gave you my word.” He stated firmly.

“So did George and Darby. Said that they wouldn’t raise a hand against me and I’d be left in peace.” She shook her head in disgust as she stated. “You know what happened afterwards.” His grip on her shoulders loosened. She inhaled deeply as her voice shook. “So, no…we don’t want to be friends, but…for my head, for Charlie’s sake,” she begged. “could we try to find something close to that?”

he studies her for a long time then he says. “Let’s go back.” He releases her shoulder and holds his hand out to her. She limply takes it and he walks along the path quietly for a few minutes. Suddenly, from out of the blue he admits. “My father, was a drunk, who’d come home and force his attentions on my mother. She loved him still, loved us, even though he abandoned her to look after five kids.” She glanced up at him. “In the end, it was too much for her and she ended her own life.”

“I’m sorry.” She admitted softly.

“I always told myself, that I’d never force my wife in the way that he forced her.” He glanced at her. “I’ve encouraged you, but like today, I asked and if you’d have said no, I’d have stopped.”

She bites her lip before admitting. “That’s…good to know.”

He stopped and looked at her. “As for what happens in the bed, I want you to talk to me, tell me if something hurts and I’ll try and fix it, alright?” she blinked in surprise and he nodded to her unspoken question. “Yes, I can do that. Sex, should always enjoyable. It’s going to take time to get you there, but I will do my best to make it good for you. I won’t put anything inside you except for the jelly, my fingers and cock. Understand?”

Those words were of comfort to her and she nodded. “Yes, Thomas.”

“Also, I've no need for Lizzie now, she's gotten to attached and I need her to focus on work." That was a relief. "As for outside of the bed,” he bit his lip and stated. “you have free roam of the house. You can accept invitations, you can act as if you own the place and you can be a mother to Charlie. But,” he paused and drew a deep breath before admitting. “I don’t, want him to forget his mother. He’s young, children can forget and I don’t want him to forget her.”

She nods. “I understand. I’ll make sure to draw a line, I won’t let him call me his mother. I give you my word.”

He nods. “Thank you.”

He turned and continued walking towards the farm. After a moment, Kate asked. “What was she like?” he went stiff and she inhaled. “I don’t mean, to cause offense, but, Polly just…she says things but---

“Polly hated her.” He said simply. “She was quiet, sweet, had a mind of her own.” He was silent again before adding. “Polly hates her, because she was an agent of the crown and Grace betrayed me.” He shook his head as he admitted softly. “Didn’t matter. Knew it from the first moment I saw her that she was the one for me. She left for two years, when she came back,” he shook his head. “was like she never left. Weren’t even married a year when she was killed.”

The grief, the raw pain was still in his voice. She could hear it underneath the strength. He loved his wife deeply. Kate bit her lip as she said. “I killed George the night, that she died.” He stopped and looked towards her. “In case, you didn’t know.”

He looked at her and asked. “The same night?” She nodded. “Why’d you do it? You said he was going to kill you, but you never said what set him off.”

Her stomach churned as she admitted. “Because…I helped her.” His face went still at her admission. “I was supposed to, come find him after being in the powder room.”

“Yet you helped her?” He stated in a low, yet intense voice. “Why?”

she inhaled. “Because you loved her.” He studied her carefully. “After two years with George…I didn’t think men could love their wives. Didn’t want you to lose her.”

“But I did.” He said quietly and guilt filled her. “Not because of you. It was the surgery and Changretta.”

She blinked. “Changretta?”

He exhaled deeply. “Long story.” After a few moments of silence he exhaled and said. “Luca Changretta, will be coming after me and my family. I don’t know when, but when he does, we’ll both have to look after Charlie.”

She nods. “I’ll protect him.”

“And I give you my word, that I’ll do my best to protect you both.”

“But he comes first.” He opened his mouth to say something, but she shook her head. “I insist. He’s a little boy. If something happens and you have to chose between me and him, you choose him.”

He studies her before stating. “I was going to say, that between you and him, it’s him.”

She nods. “Good.” His brow arches. “We’re both adults. We can defend ourselves, he can’t. He comes first.” She hesitates and says. “If something does happen to me, it’s not your fault. So, I release you from any chains of guilt. We’re all just living on borrowed time anyways.”

He studied her for a long time and then he said the most surprising thing. “I’m going to put in a call, let them know we’ll be staying here for a few days more. That alright with you?”

She didn’t know why he wanted to stay, but dear God, she hoped that he was finally willing to be a little bit more open about himself. It was a gamble, but one that she was willing to take. She nodded. “Yes.”

He exhales and puts his hand in the small of her back. “Let’s go.” And they did, he led her out of the forest and somehow, things felt a little bit lighter between them and if things could only stay this way, she could be content for the rest of her days.

Chapter 46: Territorial, not jealous

August 27th, 1926

---

“F**k!” Thomas swore as he came so deep inside her that it was as if he’d pierced her stomach. Kate let out a sharp cry, her fingers digging into his back as her legs dropped from his waist. “F**king hell!”

“God!” Kate cried out. “Oh, God!”

Thomas exhaled deeply, keeping her pinned against the wall as he swore again. “F**k. F**k.” He pressed a gentle kiss to her neck, causing her body to sag and she buried her face into his neck. “You alright?”

Kate gasped out. “Yes…Thomas.”

Oh, it had been a glorious two weeks. She and Thomas had spent those first two weeks getting to know each other. Not just physically, even though there was a lot of sex. So much sex and Thomas put her body through so many strange and interesting things. But true to his word, he didn’t hurt her, his touch was always so soft and gentle. He always made sure that she was wet enough to take him and he talked her through what he was going to do to her. And by God, he knew exactly what he was doing! Thomas, had an insatiable need for sex, fortunately she felt safer around him now. It was strange, knowing that she was truly safe with him and his family. She wasn’t a full on member yet, but she was getting closer to them as well.

He, however, it was strange. She was getting closer to him and it felt as if he was getting closer to her. She was getting used to the kisses, in fact, she might say that she was even craving them on occasion. It had just been so long since she’d been shown any affection. She hadn’t gotten used to it and he was right, she missed it. God, she missed this so much that sometimes she felt like she were on the verge of begging him for more. Yes, she knew he didn’t love her, but she wanted more of this feeling with him.

He exhaled and kissed her neck a few times. “Good girl.” She whimpered and he smacked her hip gently. “Easy Kate, else when I take you to the office I’ll have to bend you over my desk and f**k you hard.” Kate blushed and held onto his shoulders, trying not to imagine what it would feel like to be stretched over his desk and taken. He chuckled darkly. “I might,” he said lowly. “f**k you on the desk for good measure.”

“Thomas.”

“But,” he chuckled as he pressed a kiss to her throat. “let’s see if you can walk first.”

She shakes her head as she mutters. “You can be…such a bastard at times.”

“Yeah, I can,” he nods in agreement. “I f**king can.” He carefully withdrew from her, causing her to moan. He glanced at her. “You alright?”

she nods. “I’m fine Thomas. Honest.”

He nods as he tucks himself back in his trousers. Kate rights her clothes and starts to fluff her hair, but thinks better of it. She has to walk outside past Lizzie. She may have been a little bit louder than normal, only because a part of her was petty enough to teach Lizzie that Thomas was her husband now, in every way that mattered. She couldn’t help but wonder if a part of her was indeed jealous of Lizzie as he’d suggested. Well, she hadn’t been then, but a part of her probably was now.

Thomas grabbed his coat and pulled it on as she grabbed her purse. “You ready?” she nodded and he held out his hand. “Right, let’s go.”

Kate took his hand he led her out of the office. Lizzie wouldn’t look up at them and Kate could tell from her cold countenance that she’d heard them both. “Hold it a minute.”

Thomas paused and turned towards her. “What?”

“Just a minute.” She said as she reached up and fixed his tousled hair. He chuckled and she could feel Lizzie shooting daggers at her back. “There you are.” Kate said, patting him lightly on the chest. “Good as new.”

He shakes his head as he continues to lead her out of the room. “Well, you’ve a business meeting and you look a mess.”

“I suggest,” he advised. “you take a look in the mirror, cause your hair’s a mess.”

“Forgot my pocket mirror.” That was a lie. “I’m sure I look fine.”

He stopped and made her look at him. He ran his hands through her hair. After a moment, he asked. “Lizzie looking out the window?”

She shrugged. “No idea.”

He shoots her a direct look. “Think I don’t know what’s going on here?” she shoots him an innocent look and he shakes his head. “You knew Lizzie was out there.”

“And?”

he studies her. “You wanted to put her in her place. There was no need for that.”

She paused and then stated. “Answer me this. If I went and f**ked another man,” oh, anger flashed in those cold blue eyes of his. “and then he, had the nerve to walk up and shake hands with you, what would you do?”

“He’s dead.”

Kate nods. “I know. I’m your property, no one else’s.” She held his gaze as she stated. “I don’t have the same luxury that you do. So, I do what I can do. So, I think, it’s necessary.”

He shakes his head as he chuckles. “Knew you were the jealous type.”

She laughs at him. “Jealous? No, you and me, we’re both territorial. So, we both stake our claims in the little ways that we can.” He nearly gives her a half-smile, an almost boyish smile and she knows that he agrees with her. “So, I can’t kill Lizzie, but,” she leans forward, her nose nearly brushing his. “I can send her a reminder. Besides,” she breathes lightly against his lips, causing him to inhale. “you knew what I was doing.”

He arches a brow. “That so?”

She smirks. “You always tell me to be quiet when someone’s close by. You kept touching all the places that,” she flushed as she contemplated how to finish that sentence. “well, you just know.”

“Indeed I do.” He runs his thumb over her lower lip as he exhales. “Desk it is, before we go back home.”

She flushes and nods. “As you wish, Mr. Shelby.”

She didn’t call him Mr. Shelby much now, only when they were being a little playful with each other. He shakes his head as he runs his hand down her cheek and neck, traveling along to her shoulder, to her elbow before eventually taking her hand. As they turned to walk away, Kate glanced back towards the office to see Lizzie looking out of the window at her. A small spark of pride filled her. Yes, she knew it wasn’t nice of her to feel that way about Lizzie, but she did. She was sure that Lizzie was a nice person once you got to know her. But Kate only knew her as the woman who encouraged her to ignore her husband’s infidelity.

Thomas held her hand firmly as they walked through Birmingham. It was a smoky, industrial, poor town and Thomas walked through the streets as if he was a god among men. Everyone feared him, men wouldn’t dare cross his path. Kate found it interesting that even police officers would tip their hats to him. It was a strange and very surreal experience. Everyone looked at her in curiosity, clearly curious about her. Their marriage wasn’t very public, so she doubted that anyone knew that she was even his wife. She appreciated the privacy though. And she also saw respect in most everyone’s faces, something she hadn’t seen with the Sabini’s. They were feared, but not respected, that was a huge difference again.

They walked down to the docks and they were greeted by a kindly man. “He’s a beauty, Tommy.” The man said. “He’s a beauty.”

He nods. “That he is. Will he win races?”

The man nods. “He’s good. Faster than the filly.”

Thomas smirks and exhales. “Well, Polly got it right for once, eh?”

“Yes Tommy.” The man, who was a little slow, looked at her. “Who’s this Tommy?”

“Right, curly,” he nods towards her. “this is my wife, Kate. Kate, this is Curly. He knows everything there is to know about horses.”

“Wife?” curly laughed. “Tommy, you married again?”

he nods. “Yeah.”

“Tommy?” they both turn towards an older man, walking slowly towards them. The man had a slightly suspicious look on his face. “Who’s this?”

“Tommy married again.” Curly said with a laugh. “He’s married.”

The man turned towards her and then Tommy. “That so?”

He nodded. “Charlie, this is Kate, Kate, this is my Uncle Charlie.”

She smiled and extended her hand. “A pleasure to meet you.”

Charlie glanced at his hand and wiped it on his coat before shaking her hand. “Nice to meet you.” He glanced at Thomas. “How’d you keep getting these fine ladies to marry you, eh?”

Kate laughed as she blushed. He shrugged and turned to Curly. “Let’s go take a look at the horse.”

Curly nods. “Yes, Tommy.”

“Tommy?” Charlie asks. “How?”

Kate knows that Thomas won’t answer, so she speaks up. “My father arranged it.”

“And you agreed?”

she shrugged. “Seemed like a good deal at the time.”

“And is it?”

she smiles as she says. “Hasn’t been too bad so far.”

Thomas shakes his head as they round the corner to find themselves in a stall with two horses. “This one,” curly said as he patted the horse that Tommy was contemplating racing. “he’s a beauty. Fast, he won’t tire either, he’ll keep running.”
Thomas nods. “And the other one? Will she do for my wife?”

Kate gasped and stared at the horse as his words sunk in. “What?” She turned towards Thomas. “What’d you say?”

He nods, a smirk on his face. “I bought you a horse. Figured you should have one of your own. Especially since we’ll be riding in the mornings.”

“Are you serious?” he nodded. Unable to stop herself, Kate threw her arms around his neck and hugged him, causing Curly and his uncle to laugh at him. “Oh, thank you!!”

he laughs lightly. “Kate, it’s just a horse.”

She shook her head. “No, it’s not just a horse.” She released him and hurried towards the beautiful bay in the stall next to his. She petted the horse on the neck. “Oh, this one is so beautiful. Is it a mare or a gelding?”

“A mare.” He studied her. “You pleased?”

she nodded, her heart feeling as if it were sure to bubble over. “Very pleased,” she assured him. “I can’t…tell you how pleased I am.”

He studies her and says. “I’m sure, you’ll find a way to tell me how.” He turned to Charlie and asked. “Where are they?”

Charlie nodded. “I’ll show you.”

As Thomas walked away from her, that was the moment that Kate realized, at horror, that she did have feelings for her husband. And worst of all…they felt dangerously close to love, which meant that once again, her life was going to change again.

Chapter 47: Cautioning the heart

September,1926

---

Thomas let out a loud gasp as he came inside Kate! Kate exquisitely tightened her walls around him as she came in perfect sync with him. He inhaled and looked up at her as she straddled him. Her beads on the hem of her dress rested under his chin. F**k, he should have bought her that horse a while ago, because damn, that woman could ride any horse or man for that matter! Kate leaned forward, her hands on his shoulders and her face inches away from his. She always looked attractive like this, her hair hanging in a mess around her. She always kept herself neat and tidy, so to see her looking even slightly disheveled was utterly charming.

The little minx asked softly, “Are you ok, Mr. Shelby?”

He let out a laugh. That was rich, her asking if HE was alright. He shakes his head. “Haven’t killed me yet, Kate.”

“Pity.” She said, her voice soft and teasing.

He wrapped an arm around her waist and sat up. This whole thing had started with her straddling him in his chair. Somehow, the chair had slipped out from under him and he’d fallen on his back. Kate, after ascertaining that he was alright, continued ridding him. And God, she’d been fabulous today.

“You,” he stated as he cupped her bare arse in both his hands. “a bad girl, Mrs. Shelby.”

She pouted slightly. “I don’t like that one, so much.”

“Good.” He said, smacking both her cheeks, causing her to jump, gasp and blush redder. Oh, he’d have to pay her back for this tonight. “You’ll have to be suitably punished for this.”

Wrong choice of words. He forgot on occasion with her that she couldn’t understand certain aspects of rough talk, no matter how playfully the words were spoken. She stiffened and asked. “What did I do?”

“Nothing.” He assured her. “I don’t mean punish like that. You know, how sometimes, you’re crying because you want to come so badly, but I won’t let you?” she nods. “Is that pleasure or punishment?”

she pondered on it and then stated. “It’s…almost both.”

He chuckles. “Well, most women would call it punishment, so, when I say punish you, it’ll be something along those lines.” She trembled and he nodded. “I think, you’ll enjoy it.”

“I’ll trust you.”

“Good girl.” That made her smile. He leaned forward to kiss her, just as Mrs. Hughes knocked on the door. “Mr. and Mrs. Shelby? There’s a car coming up the drive.”

Arthur and Polly. “Thank you Mrs. Hughes.” Kate let out a soft grunt as she carefully climbed up off him. He was still slightly under her, so he got a good look of her pink opening and damp thighs as she pulled her lace shorts up her waist while he got his clothes in order. He hadn’t tasted her yet, she still wasn’t ready for anything like that, but, it was fun teaching her things. Kate looked down and her face went red as she realized that he’d been gawking at her. She stepped away from him, smoothing her dress around her waist. “My apologies.”

“Don’t worry,” he said as he stood up and tugged his vest back into place. “I enjoyed the view.”

She shoved him lightly. “You’re terrible.”

“One day,” he said lowly. “I’m going to tie you to the bed and drink you f**king dry.”

Kate stared at him, those green eyes of her wide as she croaked. “That, doesn’t seem sanitary.”

He laughed. He couldn’t help it, he laughed long and hard. He was still laughing when the door opened and Arthur and Polly came in. Kate was blushing hard, possibly feeling a little embarrassed, which made her look even more cute. He wrapped an arm around her neck and kissed her cheek. “Good one.” He turned her towards Polly and nodded. “Right, go on with Polly, while I, talk business, with Arthur.”

Polly looked confused. “Want to let either of us in on the joke?”

“No!” Kate half-shouted, her face turning redder, which caused him to keep laughing at her.Polly looked back and forth between the two of them before stating. “Arthur, you find any Tokyo or anything like that in here, you get rid of it. Clearly, he’s had enough.”

“Tokyo?” Kate innocently inquired as Polly led her out of the room.

“I’ll tell you all about it.”  Polly said as she closed the door behind her.

Arthur looked uneasy as he sat down while Thomas went to pour them both a glass of whiskey. “Eh, what was so funny Tom?”

He shakes his head. “I was just educating Kate on one of the finer points of sex.”

“Like?”

if she was Grace, he wouldn’t have told Arthur, but he did. “I told her,” he turned and handed Arthur a glass of whiskey. “that one day, I’d use my tongue instead of my cock in her.”

Arthur, now looked sorry that he asked. “Tommy---

“And she asked me,” he smirked as he recalled the look on her face. “if it was f**king sanitary.”

Arthur nearly snorted his whiskey. “No!” He nodded and Arthur chuckled. “F**k!”

“Yeah.” He took a long drink before sitting down. He shook his head before admitting quietly. “It’s odd, after everything that the Sabini’s and other’s put her through, that she can still be so innocent. At first, she was just scared, but once she started to trust me, I realized…she didn’t know a thing. She just,” his blood boiled. “lay there, and let them do whatever.”

“Had to stay alive Tommy.” Arthur pointed out. “From what you and Polly said, it’s a miracle that she even lets you touch her.”

He had to agree there. He nodded. “Yeah.” He exhaled deeply. “She trusts me though. Think it happened when I sent Sabini to the hospital.”

“Just, be careful Tom,” Arthur advised. “she could fall in love with you.” Tommy snorted as he poured himself another whiskey. “I’m serious, Tom.”

“Kate and me are the same.” He stated. “I’ve got nothing in me to give her and she’s got nothing in her. It’s alright, Arthur. We’re just having fun, especially her.”

“She’s a woman.” Arthur pointed out. “Women feel things differently. Just, make sure you don’t f**king kiss her or anything like that…unless you want to.”

He frowned. “Want to what?”

“Love her.” He snorted and rolled his eyes at Arthur's stupid statement. “It’s nearly been two years, Tommy.”

“And?” He asked. “That mean something?”

“It means, you’ve got a wife, you’re trying for a baby…who’s to say the heart won’t follow?”

“I don’t have a heart.” He reminded Arthur darkly. “Lost it when Grace died.”

Arthur shrugged. “Maybe Kate’ll find it.” He shook his head as he lifted his glass of whiskey to his lips. “It was good to hear you laugh, brother.”

He didn’t give that an answer. Kate, was just fun to be with. There was no attachment and there was no pressure, she was just there. He was there for her and Charlie and that was that. There was no love and there would never be love. He promised himself and he promised the ghost of Grace that was now looking at him over Arthur's shoulder with disappointment in her eyes. Yes, he had to have another kid for Charlie’s sake and Kate can have every inch of him that she needed, but she would never have his heart.

---

Kate was mortified. Polly laughed as well and Kate just buried her face in her hands. That explanation had been utterly embarrassing and Kate was beginning to question her own sanity for even being attracted to Thomas.

Polly shook her head. “No wonder he’s having fun with you.” 

“Oh, God.”

“It’s ok.” Polly assured her as she ran a hand down her back. “After everything, it’s good that you’re having fun and enjoying it as well.” Kate smiled and went to pour the tea to avoid Polly’s gaze. But Polly must have seen the look in her eyes, for she went silent mid-laugh before asking her. “How long?”

“How long what?”

“He may be having fun with you, but it’s not fun and games with you, is it?” Polly stated calmly.

Kate shook her head. “I don’t know what you mean.” She knew what Polly was hinting at and she was praying that it wasn’t so obvious that Polly could see it. Because if Polly could see it, he could see it.

“You’re in love with him.” Kate dropped the sugar bowl. She exhaled and rubbed her eyes, trying to come up with a good excuse, but her racing mind was drawing a blank here. “And when did that happen?” she opened her mouth to protest, but Polly cut her off. “And don’t lie to me! Mrs. Hughes and I have gone through a lot of trouble to make sure that this all happened!”

Kate’s mouth dropped open in shock. “What?”

Polly snorted as she reached for a cigarette. “You taking him lunch, getting him to join you for dinner with Charlie, none of those ideas happened by mistake. He may think breakfast in bed on the weekends was his idea---

“It was!”

Polly shook her head. “Mrs. Hughes got him to carry up the tray, then asked would he like breakfast in bed with you every weekend. As for the horse---

“No!” Kate shook her head. “You did not plan that! You couldn’t have!”

Polly grinned, a slightly evil grin of a woman who was thoroughly enjoying herself. “The horse wasn’t lost. I paid the man to move the horse to another barn. The horse was never lost!”

Kate stared at her in pure shock as Polly cackled. “You…are horrible!!! Why did you---

“Because the two of you, needed a bit of help.” Polly stated. “Besides, it was ever so much fun. So, you might as well tell me when it was you fell in love with him.”

Ok, she was stunned by everything that had happened. She could barely comprehend it. She was so stunned that she couldn’t even be embarrassed now! “When he bought me Wildfire.”

“The horse.” Polly smirks. “Both of you love your horses. Grace didn’t care for them, not in the way you do. Mrs. Hughes tells me that the two of you go riding in the mornings before breakfast. You must be a good rider.”

Kate nodded. However, Polly had mentioned Grace and that was a stern reminder of the ache in her chest. She inhaled as she said softly. “He and I talked already.”

“About feelings?”

she shook her head. “No. When we were at the cottage…I told him that I had nothing let to give him. I thought, I couldn’t feel anything like this again.” She inhaled as she said softly. “He doesn’t love me.”

“He’s an idiot.” Polly stated with a huff as she put out her cigarette in her tea. 

“He said,” Kate said patiently. “that, he’s still in love with Grace.” Polly cursed violently. “At the time, I admired it, but now,” she shook her head. “I’m stuck being married to someone who doesn’t even truly want to be friends. So,” she inhaled raggedly as her heart broke again. “it’s really, only about sex for him.”

“Have you told him?”

“No.” Kate shook her head. “And I won’t, because I know…that he doesn’t feel the same way.” She inhaled as she said. “So, I’ll just hold onto what I’ve got. No need to hope for more.”

There was a long silence, then Polly moved to sit closer to her. “It’ll happen.” Polly said quietly as she reached for her hand. Kate shook her head, she wouldn’t hope for such things. She knew what kind of man he was. He was the kind of man who loved once. “In spite of you being embarrassed, he hasn’t laughed like that in a very long time. I heard him laughing before we even opened the door and believe me, it was a shock to both Arthur and me!” 

“I’m sure you exaggerate.” Kate said softly.

Polly gripped her chin and made her look up at him. “The last time, he laughed that hard, was before the war and his mother was still alive.” Those words, for some reason, caused her heart to slow in her chest. “Give it time. Next year, you’ll have been married for two years. I’m willing to bet that by the time you’ve given birth, he’ll have figured it all out. Thomas, he may be a smart man when it comes to certain things. But other times…he’s just as stupid as the next man.”

Kate laughed faintly before confessing. “I just…want to make him as happy as he’s made me.”

Polly smiled. “And that’ll be the greatest gift that you can give him. Believe me. You’ve had enough heartache, as has he. If you can both make each other happy, you both deserve it. Just, hold on and think of that. You both deserve to be happy.”

God, she honestly hoped that she was, but despite Polly’s encouraging words, she knew that it would be at least ten years before Thomas could even consider having feelings for her. She just hoped that she could keep silent and not blurt out the truth about her feelings towards him, which seemed forever on her tongue.

---

Chapter 48: Against the bookcase

October 20th, 1926

---

“What are you doing down here?” Thomas asked as he poked his head into the library. 

She yelped and looked up at him. “Ah!” he laughed and she inhaled deeply, a hand on her chest. “You scared me.”

“Clearly.” He walked over to her. “What are you doing?”

she held up the piece of paper. “I had an idea, I wanted to write it down before I forgot it.”

He let out a hmm, as he peered over her shoulder and continued scribbling down her idea. God above, she was in hell. He seemed to grow more attractive to her every single day and it was utter hell. She cleared her throat. “I was thinking about the play room. There’s virtually no décor for the children up there. There’s no treats either.”

“Because,” he points. “they’ll get it all in the carpets.”

She nods. “I know, so, I was thinking of treats that aren’t going to make a mess. I think, I can I can fit a table in under the window.” He nodded along with her. “If we get some chairs, they can eat their treats there. That way the carpet is protected, the children get some snacks and we don’t have  worry.” He still looked skeptical, so she added. “I can also lay newspaper on the floor so that if any food does get spilled, your precious carpets will be protected.”

He snorts as he shakes his head. “You and your ideas.” She looked towards him and felt herself getting drawn into those beautiful, blue eyes of his. God, it was so hard not to act like she felt something for him. But right now, when he was dressed down and without his coat, it was pretty hard. “What’s on your mind Kate?” he asked, his voice drawing her back to the present.

God, she’d done it again. “Ah, sorry, I was thinking of something.”

“What was that?”

she bit her lip and decided to just tell him the truth. Well, half the truth, not all of it. “You look nice like this,” his brow arched in surprise. “more down to earth. More relaxed and comfortable.”

“That so?” She nodded as he nudged his hip against her. He was already hard, so she couldn’t help but inhale sharply as she felt him. “Ah,” he smirked at her as he grabbed ahold of her around the waist. He ran his hands slowly from her waist up to her breasts, causing her to inhale sharply. “someone need a f**k before we go, Mrs. Shelby?”

she nods, God, she needs him. “Yes. Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

“Right.” He kissed her and Kate latched onto him tightly, causing him to grunt. “F**k,” he muttered against her lips. “you need one.”

God, he had no idea. She said nothing as she kissed him back. He was a man, he could think what he wanted, but he couldn’t understand this need inside her. He let out a sound as he grabbed her around the waist, moving her somewhere across the room. She didn’t care. It had been nearly a month of silence and it was killing her. She need him, she needed this. Thomas, was a man who enjoyed sex, partly for a stress release but mostly for pleasure. While he thought of her, it was mostly about getting him getting her pregnant and getting lost somewhere else. This morning, was one of the days where his mind was solely focused on her and her pleasure, so she knew that it would be amazing.

Kate let out a sharp mhmm as he slammed her into the bookcase. It wasn’t hard, but it was a nice little thump. Before she could say a word, he’d lifted her up so that her legs were around his waist. Kate never cared for trousers, so, she wore skirts when she rode with him in the mornings. Thomas was her husband, so, who cared if her skirt flapped above her knees?
He nodded his head towards the bookcase as he ordered. “Hold on.” Kate didn’t need to be told twice. She nodded eagerly at him as he undid his trousers and practically ripped her shorts off. Well, he did, because she heard a familiar tearing sound.

She arched a brow at him. “Mr. Shelby!”

“Shut up.” He groused playfully.

“Make me.” She teased him as she ran a hand through his hair. Those blue eyes of his flamed to life. He didn’t even bother to check if she was wet enough to take him like he normally did, she knew she was. He thrust into her hard enough to make her cry out.

He grabbed ahold of her head, bringing her face close to his while he took her. Kate let go of the bookcase with one hand and held onto him instead. She kissed him this time, her mouth open and he slid his tongue into her mouth. She moaned against his mouth as a jolt went down her spine and straight to her womb as he f**ked her so hard that some of the books started to fall off the shelves! 

There was something in the air this morning. She didn’t know what it was. It  was primal and instinctual . Thomas cursed violently and yanked her off the bookcase and practically slammed her onto the small table. She groaned as a book underneath dug into her back, but she grabbed ahold of his vest, keeping him close to her. He was muttering in Romani, his fingers were digging roughly into her sides and every thrust made her body jolt. Her head was spinning and she was panting against his mouth. He broke the kiss, drew in a few more breaths as they grew close. Then, right before she could scream her release, he kissed her.

Kate released a long cry against his mouth as her knees stayed tight around his waist. This was different, something was different, she could feel it. Thomas exhaled after coming inside her. He kissed her lips a few more times, the soft and tender kisses that always made her lose her mind. As his lips neared her neck, she lost her mind and quietly whispered.

“I love you.” 

Everything…went still.

Thomas went completely still. He seemed to even stop breathing. Kate mentally cursed and she felt panic fill her. God! Why? Why had she said that!? She hadn’t mean to say that out loud, but she couldn’t hold it back anymore!

Thomas was silent for a long time, then he asked her. “What’d you f**king say?”

She swallowed, he was…angry? Why was he angry? She inhaled. “N-nothing.”

“No.” He said firmly. “I heard you. What did you f**king say!?” She closed her eyes and flinched. Thomas suddenly grabbed her by the back of her head, causing her to look at him in terror. “What,” he demanded lowly. “did you, just f**king say?”

“I-I said,” she croaked out, tears of regret dripping down her cheeks. “I-I love you.”

He stared at her for a good thirty seconds. Kate’s heart pounded in her chest. Each second felt like an hour, especially with him on top of her and inside her. God, she could hope that he’d say that he felt something towards her. She inhales deeply, silently praying and begging for mercy on his side. She wanted him to be gentle, but this, when it came to feeling, he wasn’t good at expressing them.

That was confirmed when he roughly yanked out of her. Kate let out a yelp as she sat up, pulling her skirt down around her waist. “Thomas,” she begged as he began to pull his clothes back in order. “Thomas, wait.”

He shook his head. “No.”

“Thomas, I’m sorry!” She half-sobbed. “I-I didn’t mean to say it.” He shot her a look. “It-it just popped out!” she hopped off the table, whimpering at the pleasant ache between her legs. It was confusing. Her body was in pleasure, but her heart and head were breaking. 

Thomas shook his head. “I’m going for a ride. You go back to bed.”

“Thomas, I’m sorry!” She went after him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Wait! Please, can’t we---

Thomas suddenly spun around and grabbed her by the throat. She gasped, expecting it to hurt. Despite his anger, his grip on her throat wasn’t rough. It was a warning, he was warning her not to follow him. “Don’t you ever f**king say that to me again! you hear me?” Tears dribbled down her cheeks as she nodded. Thomas could have stopped there, but that wasn’t in his nature. It was always in his nature to say the cruelest thing just to drive his point across. “I don’t love you and you don’t love me! You’re just a body to be f**ked!”

Those words hurt. They really hurt. That was what their relationship was originally, but, so much had changed between them. The way he touched her, the way he bought her gifts, especially the horse! And the little touches, the kisses, dear God, the kisses! They’d never talked about the kisses, but kisses were important. If she were truly just a body as she was to George, then why was he always kissing her?! It was all so confusing to her!

“Thomas,” she begged. “please---

he released her as he opened the door. “Don’t you f**king follow me.” 

With that, he slammed the library door hard enough that it was like a gun going off in her ears. He slammed the front door hard enough to wake Charlie up and she could hear him crying. That didn’t stop Thomas from continuing on his way out to the stable. He was halfway there when Kate heard him yell “F**k!!” to the heavens. The agony in his voice tore at her soul, but he’d already ripped her heart into a thousand little pieces and she was so broken right now.

She was so broken that she couldn’t go to Charlie. Kate sank down the floor and lay there, sobbing in a broke pile on the floor. Mrs. Hughes found her thirty minutes later, still on the floor crying her broken heart out and her torn shorts down around one ankle. Mrs. Hughes pulled her upright, struggling to comprehend what had happened to Kate. Lots of the staff hovered around curiously, but Mrs. Hughes chased everyone out. Kate cried and cried until her eyes were nigh unto exploding. Mrs. Hughes asked her repeatedly what had happened, but she couldn’t find the words.

How could she tell Mrs. Hughes that once again, she managed to blow up her entire life? nothing happened in the way that she wanted and from here on out, the relationship that she had with Thomas Shelby was gone and she was already missing it. No, not just the life, she missed him. Polly had told her it would be a few years. Now, with a mere slip of the tongue, she’d turned those years into never.

Chapter 49: Breaking hearts

He sat out there for hours. Nothing was making sense in his mind. Arthur had warned him, but how the f**k did Arthur know anything? He’d given up the blinder life and he was married to that cold-hearted, b*tch of a woman. Why the hell had Arthur see this coming and not him!?

I love you.

Those f**king words wouldn’t stop echoing in his head. She loved him. How the hell was she even able to love something, much less him!? Who in their right mind could ever love him? Well, Grace had, but that was different. She’d loved him. He loved her. But, Kate!! Of all women, how the hell could Kate have fallen in love with him!? She couldn’t have said it. She couldn’t have meant it! But when he made her repeat it, he could see in her eyes that she meant him. She loved him. She was in love with him and he’d never been more shocked in his life.

How? How had it happened? How could she have fallen in love with any man, much less him!? just last month, she’d told him that their rings represented a union, not a marriage. She said she sought friendship. That she wasn’t capable of feeling anything because of what had been done to her. She said, that she respected and admired him for still loving Grace. Now, somehow, she’d fallen in love with him. He wasn’t sure how or when it had happened, but, all he knew was that somehow it had. He kept thinking back these last few days on the way she’d been when she was with him. The way her eyes shown, the way she’d clung to him and the way that she’d been desperate for him. It had all been there, but he couldn’t see it. No, not couldn’t, wouldn’t see it because it shouldn’t have been possible. She shouldn’t love him, yet she did.

How? How had this happened? He’d thought and thought about what to do, but he couldn’t think of a damn thing. When he came back to his house, his head was spinning. Almost all of the lights were out except for the ones in the front of the house and the library. Kate had probably retired upstairs and he did not want to know what was going on in her head right now. Yes, he’d hurt her but she could not fathom exactly what he was going through right now.

He’d been forced to marry her, take her as his wife and he’d been given a beyond damaged and broken woman. All he’d wanted originally was a child by her, simply so Charlie wouldn’t grow up alone. Getting her to that point had been his concern. The fact that she could fall in love with him somehow had never occurred to him. That was beyond a mystery to him. How could he be expected to give her anything. Men like him, were never to be loved. Grace, it had been a once in a lifetime thing. He’d known it the moment he’d seen her. He’d actually been so struck by her that he’d lost his voice and had to look down in order to ask for a bottle of rum. Never before, had a woman had that kind of power over him. Only Grace had done that. Kate, there wasn’t anything there for him. But she wanted so much, he could see it in her eyes now. There was a hunger, a want, a need that she desperately wanted fulfilled. But he couldn’t fill that need for her. He was still in love with Grace and he would always love Grace.

He opened the door and turned to see Mrs. Hughes walking towards him, a cross look on her face. He was expecting this. Mrs. Hughes always had Kate’s back, good, she needed it. “Where is she?” he asked.

WHACK!!

Thomas held onto his face as Mrs. Hughes hauled off and walloped him across the face with a book in her hand. Now, normally, he saw something coming, but Mrs. Hughes, the woman was older than Polly! So, no, getting struck by an angry woman holding a hardcover book, hadn’t been anticipated.

He rubbed his jaw as she literally spit on his shoes! “May God,” Mrs. Hughes said with pure venom in her voice. “never give a day of peace in your life!”

Oh, he knew what this was about. Fine, he’d been waiting for this day for a while now. “You’re fired.” 

“You can’t fire me.” She snapped back at him without even blinking. “You didn’t hire me, she did it.”

“But I’m the one who f**king pays you.” He reminds her firmly. “I’ve terminated your employment. You will leave my f**king house.”

She crosses her arms. “Yes, Mrs. Gray said you’d try something like that. She said to call her tomorrow and she’ll deal with you. I’m not to go anywhere.”

Ok, he wasn’t expecting that. “Excuse me?”

“And I don’t need your money. I’ll stay here for free, for the rest of my days to only make sure that she is safe. Since you’re as big a f**king monster as Sabini and the other useless sacks of sh*t she’s met in her life, Polly Gray and I’ll protect her!” She snapped at him. “And by the way, Kate didn’t tell me what the hell you did to her. I swear to God, if you raped her---

“Oi!” He half-shouted. “I didn’t rape her! No matter what she said!”

“I will kill you myself! She’ll tell me in time.” Mrs. Hughes stated with a snarl. “She always does. I thought you’d be different from the others. Seems you’re not.” Mrs. Hughes turned and walked up the stairs. “And your aunt says you deserved it and she has half a mind to drive up and hit you herself! So I was acting on her behalf!”

he had no f**king chance in his own f**king house! His aunt had taken Kate’s side over his, to the point of forming a bond with his staff. That wasn’t normal. He exhaled. He was sick to his stomach, his head ached and he wanted to go to bed. For the first time in a long time, he wanted to go to sleep. He wanted to wake up and find that all of this had been one f**king nightmare. But when he turned on the light in his room, there on his bed, lay the one person that he didn’t want to see. She was on her side of the bed and she looked exhausted. He didn’t want her in here. Things, couldn’t go back to the way they were between here and him. To continue, would only lead her on and he couldn’t do that.

He inhaled as he reached over and shook her shoulder. Her eyes instantly fluttered open and by God, did they look terrible. She must have been crying all day, they were swollen and very red. As she licked her lips, he ordered. “This is my room. You need to go to your room.”

She sat up and croaked, her voice was very scratchy and broken. “Thomas, can we please talk?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about it tonight. Go to your room.”

“But---

“Go!” he half shouted at her.

She flinched, but didn’t back away. He felt like a monster, but she needed to see that she couldn’t love him. He wouldn’t let her love him because he didn’t want any kind of love anymore. There was no point to letting that kind of love into his life again. Kate, her love was uneasy, it was wavering, so all he had to do was get her to fall out of love with him. That led to one course of action for him.

He had to hurt her.

He grabbed her elbow and moved her towards her room. Kate yelped as he turned on the light. “T-Thomas?” he ignored her protests as he nudged her towards the bed. “What are you---

“Get on the bed, Kate.” He was still in control, he didn’t have to physically hurt her like Sabini to hurt her. He'd been inside her head, he knew what scared her. He just needed to remind her of the ugly things that men could be capable of.

“But,” she protested. He pushed her onto the bed and she stared up at him, her green eyes wide. She was unsure, but there was still trust in her eyes for him. He had to break that trust. Without trust, love couldn’t survive. He grabbed her around the waist, flipped her onto her stomach. That worked. Kate instantly started panicking. “no! No, don’t, please!” He ignored her and shoved her nightdress up to her waist and she began to cry. “Please, I don’t like it---

“I’m not taking your ass.” He stated as he steeled his heart as he undid his trousers. He could do this. “It’s just a f**k Kate, like it’s always been.”

“Don’t!” She begged. “Please, stop! Please!” He stopped. He’d promised her, he’d given his word that he wouldn’t hurt her. He felt her entire body nearly go boneless when he stopped. She was hiccuping as she begged. “Don’t hurt me. Please, can I be on my back?” She knows what the problem is. He doesn’t want her to see him, looking at each other, that was intimate. he didn’t want that. he didn’t want to add to the illusion that he had any feelings for her. God, he wished that a part of him was able to hurt her, but he couldn’t. He was never that kind of man. He'd spent too many hours getting her to enjoy sex. Just because he was hurting, didn't mean that he needed to hurt her even more.

After a long silence, he nodded. “Alright. I won't hurt you." She exhaled and her head dropped forward in relief. Her shoulders shook silently. He decided to roll her onto her side. They hadn’t tried that position yet, but he knew that it was comfortable and neither of them could see each other. he got behind her and brought her top leg around his waist. He could feel her confusion as he brought her shorts down to her knees. “It’s just a f**k Kate.” He said as he slid into her. She was a little dry, but wet enough to take him. “just because I don’t want to hurt you, doesn’t mean I care for you. understood?”

She nodded and whispered. “Yes.”

“You’re here just to take my cock, look after Charlie and give him another sibling. There are no feelings between us, nor will there be. Understood?”

“Yes, Mr. Shelby.” 

"That's what we agreed on." He reminded her. "I'll come in here at night, we'll make the baby and that's all. Once you're pregnant, I'll stay in my room and you'll remain in yours."

"But---

"There is no love in this marriage Kate." He said firmly. "There'll never be."

No other words were spoken between them as he f**ked her. It felt, like they were back to the beginning, just Kate wasn’t struggling. He found his release and she didn’t. Normally, he’d help her find it, but this time, he didn’t. Kate was still crying and he felt like hell as he pulled out of her. He fixed her clothes and got out of her bed. As he fixed his clothes, he spoke. “I love Grace.” He kept his back to her. “I’m always going to love Grace and I told you that.” He had. He’d told her that many times. “I can’t love you. I won’t love you, because I have nothing in my heart to give you. Just…don’t say it again.”

She said nothing to him.

With that, he left the room, his heart pounding in his chest. He closed the door and locked it. He leaned against the door, inhaling and exhaling deeply. It was almost as if he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs. He hated this. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he didn’t want her to love him! Why couldn’t she have just stayed emotionally unattached?

Suddenly, the door knob to their adjoining rooms turned. He’d locked the door, so, it was in vain. He looked down at the knob. Even after what he’d done, Kate was still trying to come to him to talk to him. He’d have thought that she’d have stayed away from him after that, but no. 

She turned the doorknob again. “Thomas?” She said softly, her voice shaking. “Please. Can we talk?” he didn’t want to. He felt like he was going to be sick if he had to yell at her to get her to stay away from him. 

But that’s what he had to do. He hadn’t been able to hurt Kate tonight and she’d taken it for a sign. As he stood there at the door, listening to her pleas, a plan began to form in his mind. It could be disastrous, but Kate would forget that she’d ever dared to think that she was in love with him. He turned on the water for the bath, then went downstairs to the library to make a quick phone call. He could kill that love of hers without even having to lay a finger on her.

Chapter 50: Doomsday

Kate’s hands shook as she got dressed. It was early. Thomas was probably going riding and she hoped that she could catch him before he left. If he’d allow her to ride with him, maybe they could talk. She truly hadn’t meant to upset him. She couldn’t understand why saying that she loved him could make him angry. Why would anyone be mad at someone for loving them?
Last night, it had been interesting. She knew that he didn’t want to talk to her, but she couldn’t bear him being angry with her. When he’d shoved her on the bed and flipped her on her stomach, she’d though for sure that he was going to rape her. But he’d stopped when she’d asked him not to and she was relieved. Despite his claim that there was no love in this marriage, there was care and there was feelings. If there wasn’t, he’d have carried on regardless of her cries. He hadn’t put her on her back, but the new position last night had been interesting. She wasn’t sure why he’d chosen that position, but she was very glad that he had chosen that position. 

It had managed to be intimate though, despite his wishes that it not be. They had been so close to each other. Her hips had been pressed up against him and there wasn’t an inch of her that wasn’t being touched. He had an arm around her chest and shoulders while the other rested on her thighs. She’d grabbed onto his wrist and rested her left behind her on his waist. He’d allowed it. She wasn’t sure if he’d been completely aware of it, but he hadn’t shoved her hand off him. 

Kate was coming down the stairs and she moved towards the front door. As she rested her hand on the knob, she heard a stack of papers fall in the library. God, she knew she was pathetic, going after him like this, but it wasn’t as if she were single. They were married and it wasn’t a crime for her to be in love with her husband. He didn’t need to love her back, he needed to know that. She had no expectations for him whatsoever. 

She knocked on the door before pushing it open. “Thomas, are you---

That was the moment her entire world ended. 

The blood bled out of her entire body and went to her feet. Her broken heart stopped beating and shriveled in her chest. She was going to die. Vomit rose in her stomach and her ears began to ring. She wanted it to be a dream, but it wasn’t. She stood there frozen as she watched her husband f**k Lizzie Stark on his desk. He looked up and made eye contact with her. He didn’t even stop. He maintained eye contact with her as Lizzie panted heavily underneath him. She knew what he was doing. He was doing whatever it took to get her to fall out of love with him.

Congratulations. It had worked.

Kate turned and left the room, tears of acid burning her cheeks as she died. She didn’t know what she was doing. She felt as if she were in the eye of a hurricane. Everything was swirling around her in utter chaos as she stood there frozen. She didn’t know what she was doing. She still didn’t know what she was doing when she grabbed her purse from her bedside table. She didn’t know what she was doing, there was something inside her that was guiding her and she didn’t know what it was.
When she came back down the stairs and into the library with her gun raised, she knew what it was that was guiding her. It was anger. Lizzie was sitting on the edge of the desk, Kate’s favorite spot to sit. Her blood boiled over as she aimed right at Lizzie’s head! 

“Kate!” Thomas shouted, having spotted her with her gun a few moments too late. “Don’t you f**king---

She didn’t care. She shot the hat off Lizzie’s head, causing her to scream. The bullet shattered the glass window. Thomas came around the desk, swearing at her. Kate turned towards him and shouted. “You sit down or the next bullet goes through her head!”

He stopped instantly and moved towards the desk, his hand raised warily. “Kate, put the f**king gun down.”

“Shut up.” She snapped at him. She was angry. She wasn’t the same broken girl that she was when she first walked into his house. She wasn’t letting this slide and she wasn’t letting Lizzie walk out of her house with a smug look on her face. Sure, there were tears on her cheeks, but Lizzie was crying now as well.

Unlike Kate, Lizzie’s tears were tears of fear. “Please, don’t---

“Shut up.” She held Lizzie’s gaze as she ordered. “If I ever, see you on this property again, I will kill you.”

“Kate---

she ignored Thomas as she approached Lizzie. Lizzie was still sitting on the desk, so she had nowhere to go. “If he wants to f**k you, then he better do it where I damn well can’t see it. But if you chose to come here and you let him f**k you while I’m here,” Kate felt no remorse as she pressed the barrel of the gun into Lizzie’s stomach. “I will kill you.” Lizzie started breathing rapidly, borderline hyperventilating. “This is my house and you’re not welcome in here! So…get the hell out!”

Lizzie didn’t hesitate. She ran straight out of the house! As Kate stared after Lizzie, Thomas grabbed the gun out of her hand just as Mrs. Hughes ran into the room in her nightdress. “Kate?” she asked. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” Kate said as she inhaled. “I need you to go get my other gun and hide it in case Mr. Shelby decides to f**king confiscate it.”

“You,” he snapped at her as he waved a finger in her face. “watch your f**king mouth.”

“Or what?” She snapped back at him. “You’re in no position to give me any orders!” Kate turned to Mrs. Hughes. “Go upstairs please, this is between him and me.”

Mrs. Hughes looked skeptical. “I don’t feel safe leaving you alone with him.”

“I’m alright.” Kate stated. “He’s a f**king piece of shit, but he won’t hurt me.”

“Oi, you---

“Shut up.” She snarled at him. “Just, shut up.”

He looked at Mrs. Hughes and shouted. “Get the f**k out of here!” this time, Mrs. Hughes did. Thomas moved behind the desk and slammed the gun on it. He inhaled and demanded. “What the f**k was that?”

Kate snorts. “You brought your whore into our house and f**ked her.”

“So what if I did?” He demanded. “Eh? It’s my f**king house, not yours.”

“I don’t care.” She said. “I told you, I won’t have her around me. That includes your house!”

he exhaled. “My house and if I decide to f**k her in my house, I will do so.”

“Make sure she’s written out her will, because I will not be treated like that.” She inhaled deeply. There was a long, angry and tense silence between them. This hurt. It hurt as much, if not more as the moment when she’d married him. She hadn’t thought anything could be more painful than that. After a minute, she wiped her eyes and asked quietly. “Did you really have to do that?”

He had the decency to not look her in the eye. “I told you….that I don’t love you.”

“I’m aware,” she bit out. “but you didn’t have to hurt me like that.”

“If I wanted to,” he stated as he looked at her. “I could and you know I could.”

She shook her head in disgust. Every inch of her felt like she was breaking apart, but she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. She’d had enough of her ‘husbands’ taking pleasure in making her cry. “You’re just like George.”

He had the audacity to get angry at her for those words. He knocked a glass of whiskey off the table as he bit out. “I’m not George.”

“You’re worse than him.” Kate stated calmly. “You said, you’re not George, but you are. You’re just as bad as him, you’ve hurt me as bad as him.”

His entire body went stiff as he said. “I haven’t---

“George physically hurt me because that was the only way he could hurt me. He knew I had no feelings so he couldn’t break me like that. you put me back together, made me believe for the first time that…feelings like this were possible,” she shook her head. “but they aren’t. Not for me.  You used and manipulated my feelings,” he snorted. “playing games---

“I told you,” he said firmly. “from the f**king beginning, that I wouldn’t love you! You’re the one, who decided to change things!”

“Why do you kiss me?” She asked him directly. He went still as if he was finally realizing a big mistake that he made. “Why do you call me ‘good girl’ during sex? You know I like it! You know every single place that I like to be touched. You buy me presents, really expensive presents. If you don’t care about me at all,” she inhaled as she asked in a shaky voice. “then why the hell do you do all those things? Especially the kissing! God, you kiss me, a lot! Do you know,” the acid tears started pouring down her cheeks. “that one night, you kissed me twenty-five times?” he just stared at her. He honestly hadn’t realized what he was doing. She croaked. “The green lingerie you bought me, because you said it matched my eyes?”

he was silent before stating quietly. “I'm sorry. I didn’t realize…I just, wanted to make sure that you were comfortable. It didn’t mean anything more than that Kate.”

She nodded silently. “Mr. Shelby…you finished Sabini’s work for him.  He broke my body, you broke my spirit. I hope you’re proud of yourself.” She turned to walk away from him, but something compelled her to stop and turn towards him as she asked. “Would it really, have been that awful, Mr. Shelby?” he looked up at towards her as she asked. “Was me, loving you, that big a problem for you?”

He was silent and then he nodded. “Yes.” Her heart would break, but it was now ground to dust. She couldn’t feel anything more. “I don’t have anything to give you Kate. You, may have been ready to love, but I’m not. I won’t ever be. You changed the f**king rules.” He half-snarled at her. “You agreed, to let me stay in love with my wife! You, Polly, everyone is so f**king concerned about you and your feelings!” Those words hurt but she knew they were true. "I don't talk about my feelings, but you cannot make a heart love a body, anymore than you can make it stop.

“When did I ever say that I wanted you to love me?” He went still. “You could have just let me love you, you didn’t,” she shook her head. “God, you didn’t need to do that.” He said nothing. Possibly, because he, like she did, knew that he had to. He’d made it so that she’d wouldn’t ever love him again. And he’d succeeded mostly. A part of her still did love him, but she knew that love would fade in time. She inhaled as she stated. “Don’t come to me and my bed anymore.”

THAT got his attention. “You’re my wife and---

“F**k Lizzie then.” She said as she crossed her arms, her temper finally becoming unconfined. “Go ahead and f**k the woman who is the entire reason for your wife being dead!”

“You shut up!!” He shouted at her

“You know it’s true!” Kate shouted back. “After all, she wouldn’t break up with Angel Changretta! Because of that, John attacked Angel, which caused Mr. Changretta to put a hit on you. So, because of her, your wife is dead! But go ahead and f**k the woman responsible for your wife’s death! I’m sure she’s really proud of you!”

with that, Kate slammed the library door behind her and went back upstairs. She’d probably spend the whole day crying about her broken heart, but she’d won that argument and she felt glorious. She gave into the grief upstairs. Her heart was broken, but at least she'd stood up for herself.

Chapter 51: Masks

The following morning,

---

What the hell happened, Thomas? Polly demanded the moment she spoke into the phone. He exhaled and closed his eyes. Mrs. Hughes called me, said she’d found Kate on the floor, crying and her clothes were torn. What did you do to her?

Of course, everyone thought the worst of him. “I didn’t do anything to Kate and if you’re wondering if I raped her. No, I didn’t. It was just sex and we had an argument about something afterwards.”

That’s it? Just an argument? He didn’t bother to answer. I want to know, Thomas.

“Ask Kate then,” he stated dryly. “since you and Mrs. Hughes are so concerned.”

I’m asking you. What happened?

Too much had happened. He exhaled. “Ask Kate or maybe ask Mrs. Hughes since the two of you are in league together.”

Polly snorts. Really, Thomas.

“I fired her yesterday and she informed me that I had to call you.”

I won’t have her fired Thomas. Polly said. I made a promise to her father that she’d be taken care of. There isn’t a single person in that house that Kate trusts besides you. She trusts Mrs. Hughes and regardless of your dislike for her, she is to be allowed one friend. You have to make allowances for her.

All he ever did was make allowances for her! His entire family picked Kate over him. “I told you before Poll,” he bit out, struggling to keep from yelling at her. “stop f**king meddling with Kate. I told you, to just leave her be. I can’t prove it, but I know it’s your f**king fault somehow.”

What’s my fault?

“Ask Kate!” he snapped. “She’s caused this whole f**king mess!” there’s a knock on the door and he barks. “What?” Kate opens the door, her eyes still swollen, but her head is high. He feels a strong twinge of guilt for what he did to her, but he brushes it off. He inhales as he states. “I’m on the phone.”

“This won’t take long.” She said sharply. “I got my monthly this morning.” F**k! He’d hoped that he’d finally gotten her pregnant. He could tell from the look on her face that had been her concern as well, but her body had rejected him. She smirked. “Looks like you’ll have to get Lizzie to give you that baby after all because you will keep your hands off me.”

“Kate,” she slammed the library door so hard that all the books on the shelf rattled. He exhaled and groaned. “F**k.”

What did she mean by that? Polly demanded. Why would Lizzie give you a baby?

“Just a fight poll, means nothing.”

You need to make up with her. She’s had enough of people hurting her. She deserves to feel only kindness and love from here on out.

It was in that moment that he knew it was Polly’s meddling. “It was you, wasn’t it?” he snarled. “It was f**king you.”

What are you---

“I f**king knew it!!” He shouted into the phone as his blood pressure skyrocketed. 

Thomas, she said firmly. Don’t take that

“You put, that f**king idea of love into her head!”

Polly went silent, then she groaned. Oh, God, she told you.

“I knew it was you!”

It wasn’t me, Thomas, it was you. She fell in love with you because of you. He shook his head. Is that what the two of you are fighting about? You’re upset, because she said that she loves you? Polly snorts. Thomas, you’re her husband---

“I’m not. I’m f**king not.” He snarled. “One month, after MY WIFE was murdered, I got forced into marrying her. I know that you and everyone else f**king hated her, but she was my f**king wife and I love her!”

Thomas---

“I told her before we married, that this would be a loveless marriage.” He stated. “I said it over and over again. Hell, she even f**king agreed with me! Then you, Mrs. Hughes and your f**king meddling started filling her head with the idea of love. I will NOT have her in love with me!”

you ought to know how love works Thomas. Polly stated. You can’t just turn it on and off like a tap!

“You can.” He said harshly. “You f**king can. You may have turned it on, but I f**king turned it off.”

Thomas, what does that mean?

“She’s not in love with me anymore.” He didn’t even feel sorry for that. “I did, what I had to f**king do. So, you and Mrs. Hughes, stop your meddling and leave her be.”

What did you do to her, Thomas?

“What I had to do.” He said darkly. “She’ll live. This whole ‘marriage’, Poll,” he shook his head. “it was your whole f**king idea.”

She needed to be saved Thomas. You know that Sabini would have killed her.

“Oh, I f**king know that!” He stated. “But you all threw this whole f**king thing on me. So, I want all three of you to get it in your head that I don’t have to love her. I won’t. I’ll give her whatever she needs, I don’t mind paying for it,” he inhaled as he stated. “but I refuse to love her. If you keep pushing her, I’m going to hurt her even more. If you care about her like you think that you do, you’ll tell her to just accept my terms and we can go back to how things were.”

Polly was silent and then she bit out. I’ll talk to her. I don’t know why she ever fell in love with a bastard like you. You don't deserve her.

"I never asked for her." He just hung up the phone. He didn’t have to listen to this anymore. No matter what Kate or his family said, he did have the right to have his feelings to himself. He exhaled deeply, keeping his eyes closed as he felt Grace right beside him.

I’m here. Her ghost whispered softly into his ear. Her warmth enveloped his body, bringing a temporary reprieve.

“Don’t go.” He said quietly. “Stay awhile Grace.”

Always. She promised. I’ll stay with you as long as you need me.

Forever, but that wasn’t long enough for him. “I love you.”

I love you, Tommy Shelby. She said, with that soft, little laugh in her voice. Oh, he was never going to stop loving this woman. Even in death, she made him feel more complete than any other woman could.

---

October 31st, 1926

---

“Kate?” she ignored Thomas as she continued on her way upstairs. “We need to talk.”

“Now,” she said simply as she went up the stairs without looking back at him. “you want to talk? Well, I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Kate,” he grabbed her elbow and spun her around the face him. “tonight---

“Get your hand off me.” She spat harshly at him. “Now.”

He did so with an exhale. It had been 10 days since they’d spoken to each other. He stayed in his library and she’d concentrated on their masquerade party for Halloween. Charlie had been a wonderful distraction. He loved helping out too. Those were the two major distractions in her life. Thomas was another distraction in her life that she did not need at this time. Polly and Mrs. Hughes had tried to talk to her about it, but she'd shut them down. They'd encouraged this and she did not need anymore advice from either of them. Thomas had hired another housekeeper, Frances and Mrs. Hughes stayed on to help her with Charlie and give support. Surprisingly, Frances and Mrs. Hughes got on fabulously together and they often consulted each other on things.

He inhaled. “Tonight, we have guests---

“And you want to make sure that I don’t embarrass you.” She stated firmly. “Don’t worry. I’ll play the role of your wife. No one’ll suspect a thing.”

He exhaled and asked. “Is my costume---

“I didn’t order one for you.” She stated. “Just, come as yourself, already comes with a mask.” She turned and continued up the stairs. “Excuse me, but I have to get ready.”

He turned around and went down the stairs. Kate knew she was being harsh, but this was a lot for her to process. She was still so very angry at him. Yes, he had a right to not want her love, but he’d picked the harshest and cruelest way to make sure that she’d never, ever develop any feelings for him. He’d done a good job. Those feelings, that she’d dared to think were love, they were mostly gone. But they’d been replaced by pain and anger. Anger, it was unfamiliar to her, so, it was difficult for her to handle this burning inside her chest.

It would probably be easier for her to understand had she’d been given time to process his rejection. If he’d been willing to talk to her instead of just jumping Lizzie the very next day, this would all be so much easier for her! But it wasn’t! It was all messy and angry now, but that was the way Thomas had wanted it. 

Kate got into her costume. It was simple. She was going as a season, summer. Her costume was a rich shade of green that nearly matched her eyes. She’d picked that color for Thomas. The braiding around her was gold and she’d let her hair down. She wore brightly colored flowers of purple, white, and orange all over her. She then grabbed her gold mask and tied it around her face.

She exited the hall and came downstairs. Some of the guests were just showing up. Kate greeted them, encouraged them to mingle and played the role that an OBE should. Thomas stayed by her side, his hand on her elbow and she had to fight the urge to tell him to get his hand off her. She was beyond grateful for dinner. They got to sit far away from each other and everyone chatted merrily.

After dinner, there was music and more guests showed up. Not everyone could make the dinner, but those who could make the dance, came. It was probably poor etiquette, but Kate didn’t care. Everyone around here pretended to be something grand, all the while still being the scum of the earth.

That was confirmed when Lizzie turned up in a harlequin costume. Kate felt all the air get sucked out of her in that moment. Lizzie stared at her, seemingly frozen where she stood. Thomas, he had the audacity to walk over and kiss her. Kate turned and weaved her way through the crowd of people. She wanted out of this house! She needed some air and she needed to be left alone!

She made it outside and she inhaled desperately. The air was tainted with the smell of cigarettes. She let out a frustrated moan as she looked around for a place to be alone. She decided on the garden maze. She could sit at the fountain and cry in peace. She inhaled deeply as she made it to the center of the maze. The air was clean here. The night was cool and she was alone.

She untied her gold mask, setting it down on the edge of the fountain. She closed her eyes and cried quietly. She hadn’t been crying much more than five minutes when she felt a hand on her shoulder. 

Kate let out a cry as she bolted upright. At least, she would have, had her long skirt not been caught on her heel. She fell backwards with a shriek. Fortunately, the man who’d touched her shoulder had fast reflexes. He caught her around the waist and pulled her against him. Kate found herself staring into a pair of unfamiliar, yet kind, green eyes, which was all she could see considering that his face was hidden behind his black mask.

Without breaking eye contact, he reached into his breast pocket and handed her his handkerchief. “I think,” he said softly. “you need this.”

---

Chapter 52: Stolen kiss

She would have accepted the handkerchief right away, if not for his accent. It sounded Italian, but, not quite. For a moment, she stood there, just staring at him. She was scared, but not terrified, her heart was racing madly in her chest. He tightened his hold on her as he asked. “Are you alright?”

Somehow, she was able to nod. “Yes.” Her voice came out as a squeak. “I-I’m fine.”

“You don’t look it.” He said gently as he guided her to sit down on the cool bench that was facing the fountain. “Stay here.”

He sat her down and the moved towards the fountain. She sat there and watched as he got his handkerchief damp before returning to her. Kate’s thoughts raced. She was alone in the garden, in the heat of everything, she’d set her purse down somewhere so she didn’t have her gun. Thomas still hadn’t returned her one gun, so, she was here alone with a strange man. He was very tall, a good few inches taller than Thomas. She didn’t know what to make of him. His accent, rather put her on edge because of George. Prior to that marriage, she wouldn’t have had anything against Italians, now she did.

“Here.” He extended her the handkerchief. She studied him again. She couldn’t see much of his face, but his eyes, his voice and his mannerisms for now are soft.

After a moment, she took it and croaked. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” To her surprise, he actually took a few steps back, which caused her to pause as she dabbed her eyes. “This alright?”

she blinked. “I-I’m sorry?”

“It’s obvious, that you want some space right now.” He said calmly. “But, you’re upset and I want to make sure that I don’t make you uneasy.”

Her jaw dropped. “Are you for real?”

Now, he looked confused. “Excuse me?”

She bit her lip. “I-I’m sorry, it’s just….it’s unusual for a man to make such a request.”

“Eh,” he nodded. “the English aren’t very well mannered.”

“Tell that to the Irish and Romani.” She muttered. He chuckled and she inhaled. “I-I’m sorry. I’m saying far more than I should.”

“It’s ok.” He assured her as he knelt down so he was at eye level with her. “Besides, my mama would have my head if I were to ignore a lady when she was crying.”

“She brought you up well then.” She bit her lip and then apologized. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you. I came out here to get some fresh air.”

“It’s alright.” He said lowly. “I was just leaving.” She opened her mouth to apologize, but he waved it off. “It’s alright, it’s not really my type of party.”

She chuckles. “Mine either.”

He studies her and then asks. “What brought you out here? What upset you?”

Normally, she wasn’t comfortable talking about her feelings to complete strangers. But, she’d been feeling so alone, he was being so kind, that she couldn’t help but speak. “My husband---

“You’re married?” he inquired.

“It’s not much of a marriage.” She exhaled. “He…brought his mistress to the party.”

The man, had the decency to look shocked. “He f**king what?” Before she could respond, he instantly apologized. “I’m sorry, the language---

“It’s alright.” She assured him. “I’ve heard worse.”

“From him?” She chose not to answer that. While Thomas didn’t curse at her, he could say the cruelest things. “Is he blind?”
Kate blinked. “Who?”

“Your husband?” He inquired. “Is he blind?”

she shook her head. “No.”

“Is he stupid?” he inquired. “Dropped on his head as a child?”

Kate laughed lightly. “I’m afraid not. He’s as smart as the next man.”

“You must have a low opinion of men, then.” He stated. “Because any normal man, would be proud to have you as his wife.”

Against her will, Kate flushed. “Thank you. That’s, very kind of you to say---

“It’s true.” He said firmly. “You’re a very beautiful woman. He should treat you better.”

“Well, he doesn’t.” She said softly. “But…at least he doesn’t hurt me.”

“Like he’s not hurting you now?” He asked.

She bit her lip before stating. “There are worse things, than having a husband who flaunts his mistress.”

He was silent before stating. “Someone hurt you.”

She didn’t know how he knew that or saw that, but she nodded. “Words are always better over fists.”

He was silent for a long time, then he offered. “I can kill ‘em.”

She stilled. It was tempting, very tempting. She glanced at him and saw that he was very serious. She shook her head. “Thank you, but…their deaths would lead to more killing and people don’t need to die because my husband can’t stand the sight of me.”

After a few moments, he asked. “Can I sit there?” he gestured towards the seat next to her. She nodded. “You sure, it’s alright?”

She nods. “Yes.” He stood up and she could tell that his knees were stiff. She shakes her head as he sits down. “You’re a very strange man.”

He frowns. “How so?”

“I mean that in a good way.” She assured him. “I mean, most don’t ask permission to sit next to me.”

He reaches into his coat. “Like I said, the English are very bad mannered.” She shook her head, he had no idea. “Is alright if I smoke?”

Kate arched a brow. “You don’t need my permission.”

“Still, I’d like it.”

God, she was feeling like a spoiled princess and it had only been five minutes of conversation. She smiled and nodded. “You can smoke.”

He offered her one. “Do you smoke?”

She shakes her head. “No, I don’t.”

“Good, it’s a nasty habit.”

She chuckled as he lit one. “Yet you’re smoking.”

“Yes,” he nods. “one day I’ll give it up, but it reminds me of my father at times.”

“Well, if he was anything like your mother,” she said. “they deserve to be remembered.”

“Thank you.” A loud cheer from the house and the sound of fireworks caused them to both look up. He let out a sound. “Ah, midnight.”

“Everyone’s supposed to be unmasked by now.” She murmured quietly. 

“Yeah.” He nods as he reaches for his mask.

“Leave it on, please.” She requested and he glanced at her. “If anyone asks me who you we’re, I want to be able to say honestly that I don’t know, because I couldn’t see your face.”

He looks amused. “You don’t lie?”

She inhaled. “I have a hard time, hiding my face. Even with a mask, they’d know I’m lying.”

After a few moments of silence and watching the fireworks, he glanced at his watch. He exhaled. “I have to go.”

She hated to admit it, but her heart was sad to see him go. She nodded as she stood up. “I should go too. I’ll be missed.”

“Hey,” he said gently as he stepped towards her. Surprisingly, she wasn’t scared of him, even with the mask on. He reached out and gently ran the back of his hand down her cheek. As she’s suspected, his touch was gentle. “remember this, your husband is a fool. You’re a beautiful woman and any man would be glad to have you.” She let out a short laugh, unable to stop it. His eyes narrowed slightly. “I can see, that you’ve been hurt, I don’t know to the extent…but you deserve better.” Her heart softened somehow. “I hope one day, you realize it and leave that bastard.”

God, he had no idea how much she wanted that. But she knew that the moment she left Thomas and his protection, Sabini would be after her. She inhaled as she croaked. “I can’t.”

“Not now,” he said, his voice a low rasp. “one day, you will. Passerotta.” 

Somehow, the distance between them had closed. She swallowed as she asked. “What does that--- 

Mean, would have been the final word on her lips, had he not kissed her right there. Kate wasn’t stunned, frightened or scared. For some reason, she’d known that it was going to happen. She closed her eyes and accepted the gentle, yet undemanding kiss. Well, it had started off gentle, but it somehow became so full of something that Kate found herself clinging to him without fear. His hat had fallen to the ground and she was shamelessly kissing him back. This kiss…she couldn’t describe it. There was something beautiful about it, something beautiful about him. His hands, they were so soft, tender and gentle. His lips....God, if he weren't a stranger, she could have sworn that he cared for her. She'd never been kissed like this before and she wanted him in a way she hadn't wanted any man. Even Thomas.

“Kate!?” That was Thomas. She jerked away from him as he shouted. “Where the f**k are you!”

she inhaled and said urgently. “You need to go. Now! He will kill you.”

“Will he hurt you?” He demanded firmly. “And do not lie!”

“He won’t!” She assured him. “He’ll yell at me, but I’m fine. I swear it!”

he exhales and grabs his hat. “Alright, my name is----

“Go!” She begged. “Please! Don’t tell me! Just go!”

And he did. He jumped onto the bench and vaulted over the top of the maze. He landed on the other side with a grunt. She turned around to see Thomas advancing towards her. She could tell from the look on his face that he’d seen the mysterious man, but not enough to identify him.

“Who the f**k,” Thomas demanded. “was that?”

“I-I don’t know.” She said honestly.

“Don’t you play f**king games with me.” He snarled. “You’ve been missing for a while and people have noticed.”

“Well, considering how you brought your mistress to the party, I don’t see why you’d even care!” She snapped as she stomped past him.

“Don’t you f**king walk away from me!” She ignored him. “Who the hell was that?”

“I didn’t ask his name, he didn’t ask my name.” She stated simply. “I didn’t even see his face because I asked him to keep his mask on because I didn’t want you to threaten him or anything.”

“I will find out Kate and I will kill him.” She ignored him and they walked in silence, until they reached the end, or rather the beginning of the maze. Thomas started to walk towards the house, she, turned and headed for the servants entrance. He exhaled and growled. “F**king hell, Kate, we have guests.”

“No, you have guests.” She stated as she kept walking. He grabbed her elbow and she shouted in his face. “Get your f**king whore to entertain them!”

that caused him to grow angry. A few guests were standing outside, so they heard what she said. “Kate----

“I told you, no family events ever!” She jerked free of him. “Get Lizzie out of here or I swear to God, I’ll really make a scene!”

he exhaled and released her. “Alright. I’ll get rid of Lizzie.”

She gripped her skirt and said. “I’ll be down in the kitchen. Send Mrs. Hughes as soon as she’s gone. I don’t want to be seen in your company.”

He shot her a look as he nodded. “Alright!” he stomped off towards the house as she headed towards the kitchen entrance.
When she entered, she nearly bumped into chef. “Ah, mi scusi,” he said apologetically. “I was just taking a break.”

“It’s alright,” she assured him. “all the food was amazing. You did a good job.”

He smiled appreciatively at her. “Ah, thank you.”

She started to go inside, but she decided to ask him. “You’re Italian, right?” He nods. “Do you know what…passerotta, means?”

“Ah,” he nods. “it means, little sparrow, but with feelings.”

Kate smiled as she nodded. “Thank you.” 

She was unable to keep a smile off her face for the rest of the evening and the glower on Thomas’s face for the rest of the evening, was a calming balm to her heart. And she didn’t care. For a few moments, someone had wanted her because of who she was. Not because of her money, or to offer her protection, but because he’d genuinely been attracted to her. It had been a long time since a man had been attracted to her.

Chapter 53: Hellfire

He was fuming. He felt as if the hellfires of hell was burning in his chest. Kate,  with that smile on her face did very little to quell the burning inside him. He wasn’t jealous. He was nowhere near jealous because he didn’t get jealous. As Kate said once, they were very territorial people. Ok, yes, he’d pushed Kate to her limits with Lizzie stopping by. He hadn’t expected that, apparently, John had invited Lizzie to join them! He’d had a word with Lizzie, told her he’d talk to Kate and explain. But no, that brazen vixen had stormed off to meet her secret lover!

He had a thousand different thoughts swirling through his head. It had been 10 days since they’d talked. No other man was allowed on his property and all of his guests were accounted for! None of them were single men, Kate had been purposefully vague with her description of the man. Her laughing, was grating on his nerves.

She laughed as he slammed the phone down in pure anger. “I told you, he wasn’t on the guest list.”

That smile on her face angered him and he shouted at her. “Shut up, you f**king whore!”

He probably wouldn’t have said that to her under normal circumstances, but he was angry and nervous. Kate had been out there with an intruder for God knew how long. That meant, that there was a f**king breach somewhere on his property and she’s sitting there, laughing about it!

“Don’t you DARE call me a whore again,” she shouted at him. “Thomas Michael Shelby! YOU brought the whore to MY party!”

“Again,” he repeated in fury. “I did not invite Lizzie! John did!”

“And why the hell would he do that?” she demanded.

“They talked. Lizzie said she wasn’t invited. John thought it was a mistake and told her to come.”

Kate shook her head and looked at him in disgust. “I don’t believe you.”

“You can ask him yourself.”

“You really think that I don’t know that he won’t lie for you, because I know that he will. You couldn’t use Arthur, because he’s turned over a new leaf and he won’t lie for you. John has no problem doing that.”

“I don’t give a f**k what you believe,” he states. “no one, is supposed to be on the property without my knowing!”

“Yet, one was.” Oh, her voice was too merry for his liking.

God, he wanted to strangle her or f**k her till she passed out. He, however, was doing neither of those things tonight. He inhaled deeply and asked. “What did you two talk about.” She crossed her arms and shot him a look. “I need to know, that nothing was said.”

“Nothing was!”

“I won’t know until you f**king tell me!”

“Nothing was said!” Kate shouted at him. “He spent the first few minutes making sure I was alright. He made a few cracks about Englishmen being ill mannered. He wanted to know why I was upset.”

“And you said, what?”

Kate shot him a twisted look. “That my husband brought his whore to the party!”

Oh, that was it. This woman was going to push him to breaking point. “Why the f**k did you---

“Because I needed someone to talk to!” She shouted. “I can’t talk to you! I can’t talk to Polly or Mrs. Hughes! I needed someone to talk to, so I talked to him.” She inhaled as she adjusted her flower wreath, which was hanging crookedly over one ear. Her hair was messed up too. “He wanted to know if you were blind or stupid.”

He blinked. “What?”

Kate didn’t even blink as she stated. “He said any normal man would be proud to have such a beautiful woman as his wife.” He let out a snort. She glowered darkly at him. “It is so inconceivable to you that a man could actually find me attractive?”

“It doesn’t matter what the f**k you look like!” He bit out. “This is my house and I need to know who the f**k was on it!”

“I’m not an idiot!” She stated. “If he was here scouting out the house, then you need to check with your men to see if there was anyone skulking about it! He didn’t ask me about you, about the house, he didn’t ask if I knew anything about you. He didn’t even ask my name, so he didn’t know I was your wife, he just knew that I was married to some asshole!” He hit the desk. “His words, not mine. There was nothing, that indicated anything other than him being concerned for me!”

he’d had enough of her. “Get the f**k out of here.”

Kate ignored him. “Oh, he offered to kill you and Lizzie.” Those words caused his heart to pound in his throat. Were things really that bade between them that Kate wanted him dead? “I declined the offer. We talked about cigarettes and watched the fireworks go off. He then stood up and said he had to go, we said our good-byes and he advised that I leave you.” He snorts again. “Because I deserve better than you and we both know that I do.”

He went to tell her to leave, but then Kate wiped her mouth. His eyes narrowed and he stepped towards her. Kate rarely wore lipstick, so, she had a habit of putting too much on. He gripped her chin and looked at her mouth. The lipstick was smudged all over her face. She’d been kissed. That explained it all. The stars in her eyes, that stupid smile on her face and her reluctance to talk about the strange visitor. He shot her a look as she batted his hand away. “And then, he f**king kissed you.”

She nodded, not even bothering to deny it. “Yes and it was absolutely lovely.”

“When I find him,” he threatened. “he’s dead.”

“Well,” she snarled back at him. “you won’t because he was going to tell me his name, but I told him that I didn’t want to know.”

“If he comes back…he’s meat for Johnny Dogs.” Kate laughed at him. “You’re my f**king wife---

“Oh, so, now I’m your wife!!” She shrieks. “I believe, your exact words to me were that I am nothing more that a body for you to stick your cock in! You said, that there’s no love or caring in this marriage. You look elsewhere for comfort, but if a man dares to look at me, you’re ready to kill him for one little kiss?”

“Yet you’ll kill Lizzie---

“You f**ked her for nearly a year while being married to me!” She shouted. “You said, that you’d stop once you started sleeping with me! Then, because I said I loved you, you decided to start sleeping with her again! Not only that, you do it in the house with Charlie just upstairs. Then, you invite her back here during a party with guests because you thought I’d be a good wife and shut up and allow your indiscretions. Well, no more!” she shouts. “If I decide to take a lover, I will damn well do as I please!”

he lost his mind. He didn’t know what happened, but Kate pushed him too far. He’d always sworn he’d never do violence to a woman, but Kate was the second woman to push him that far. He grabbed her and pushed her against the wall. Kate instantly slapped him and once again, it turned into a wrestling match between them. He was eventually able to pin both of her hands over his head. She spit in his face and he grabbed ahold of her chin as he warned her.

“This, is your only warning.” He stated lowly. “You…are my wife, my f**king property.” She managed to let out a long snort through her nose, sending the contents of her nose to come flying across his face. “F**k!”

“Another thing he found distasteful.” She mused angrily. “Swearing.”

“Sounds like a f**king puff.”

“Or intelligent enough to find other words.” She stated. “Especially in the presence of a lady.”

“I don’t give a f**k about it,” he declares. “I will not have another man’s bastard in my house!”

she lets out an incredulous laugh. “But, you’ll risk Lizzie producing one!”

“Lizzie, was a prostitute for years she knows how to make sure that it won’t happen.”

“Oh,” she says sarcastically. “I’m so glad! That makes everything all better! You and your double standards are hysterical!”

“I’m warning you Kate,” he threatened. “if I see him…he’s dead.”

Kate looked him dead in the eye and said. “I wish to God you were dead.”

Those words, caused the whole room to go still between them. She was angry, she was hurt, he was furious, he was worried. It was a strange mixture of emotions that were in the room right now. The whole room felt like it was electrically charged right now. He inhaled deeply, noting how her face was just inches away from his. If this had been a month ago, he’d have spun Kate around and f**ked her hard. He could just picture her. Her hands on the wall, her hips back up against him and her legs shaking as he spread them wide. He'd have them spread so far back that she'd have to be on her toes just to keep her balance. 

Kate inhaled deeply. The moment she licked her lips, he knew she felt it too. Yeah, they were angry with each other, fighting and saying all kinds of hurtful things to each other. but it was still there, the sexual chemistry, they were always very good in bed together. For a moment, he released her jaw and ran his hand slowly down her throat. Kate shifted and inhaled sharply, he could see that she was confused. Confused by his actions and confused by what she was feeling. 

“You’re my wife Kate,” he said lowly as he ran his hand over her breast, causing her to take another step back into the wall. Her green eyes widened as he ran his hand down her stomach. “every f**king inch of you.” Her lips parted, probably to yell at him, but he slid his hand down between her legs and cupped her through the fabric. Kate let out a loud cry and he spoke over her cry. “I will not, share you with another!”

There was a knock on the library door and he stepped back, releasing her. Kate instantly gave him a good shove and she moved towards the door. She yanked it open to see Mrs. Hughes standing there. “Kate, Charlie is---

“I’m on my way.” Kate pushed past her quickly, her head down low. 

Mrs. Hughes frowned as he puled out a handkerchief to wipe Kate’s spit and snot off his face. “Did the two of you make up?” Mrs. Hughes asked hopefully.

“No.” He wiped his face. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, if not,” Mrs. Hughes said simply. “you might want to go upstairs and take care of that.”

He frowned as he glanced down at himself. Sure enough, he’d gotten f**king hard for Kate. Mrs. Hughes shook her head and went upstairs. It was normal. Kate was his wife, a part of him was attracted to her and he had no control over that part. He wasn’t in love with her at all. Still, she was his wife.

He thought about this. He’d gone too far in sleeping with Lizzie, but he’d done what he needed to do. He honestly hadn’t invited Lizzie and now, he could kill John for having brought her. He made a note to talk to John about his behavior regarding Lizzie. At times, he wondered if there was still something going on between John and Lizzie. Especially after the way John had gone after Mr. Changretta and Angel. He’d backed John up, but now, when he reflected, he wondered if all that aggression was necessary. He’d never know.

He looked up Kate. He wondered, if it was possible to get the rules back in place. He’d made a mess, but, there had to be a way to keep this whole mess from going off the rails. That meant giving up Lizzie for a while, but that was a sacrifice he was willing to make. He wasn’t going to let another man to f**k his wife. So, he went upstairs to talk his way back into his wife’s bed.

Chapter 54: War of the heart

He knew what he was doing. She could see it in his eyes and she’d felt it in that moment when he ran his hand down her throat. It was still there. This bolt of heat, more like lust between them. Kate had been stunned by the feelings at first. She’d been hating him for so many days that this stranger had filled a void in her for just that moment. One touch from Thomas, one grope, a few words and Kate felt even more confused. 

She was disgusted with herself. Thomas had shown up tonight, with his whore, allegedly because of John. And within one moment, she was back to being Thomas Shelby’s whore. Not that she was one, but the way he manipulated and used her, was certainly not in the way a husband used his wife. But the thing that disgusted her most of all was how much she wanted him in those brief five seconds. If he’d tried something… she’d have caved to him in a second and she had no clue why. Somehow, their whole relationship had taken a dark turn.

Kate pulled her nightdress over her head just as the door to her room opened. She spun around…to see Thomas Shelby standing there! “We need to talk.” He declared as he shut her door behind him.

Oh, she did not know what to do. Frankly, she was just shocked. “You’ve got to be kidding me!” She declared. “Nearly two weeks of silence and all it took was another man kissing me to make you decide that you wanted to talk to me!?”

“Enough, Kate!” He snapped. “I wanted to see, if we could go back to our original arrangement.”

She blinks. “Which is what exactly?”

“That you’d give Charlie another sibling.” Kate stared at him in pure shock. Had he honestly just said that to her face? “That’s all we agreed on in the beginning. No need for any extras or niceties.”

Ok, shock was over and once again, anger was reigning supreme over her life. “I said,” she bit out. “that you’re not to come to me.”

“And you gave your word,” he reminded her. “that you’d give Charlie another sibling.”

“My word means as much to you as your marriage vows did.” she stated. “Nothing! And as I told you before, go f**k Lizzie!”

“Kate---

“I am dead serious! Go f**k Lizzie.” She states firmly as she crosses her arms. “Not that I’d ever let you put a hand on me, but if I were mad enough to agree, I would NEVER let you have me while you’re f**king Lizzie.”

“Which is why, I called her and told her that.” Ok, she wasn’t expecting that from him. She stared at him as he cleared his throat. “I told Lizzie, we’re done for now.”

“For now?” she inquired.

“I said, we’d go back to the beginning.” He said. “The original arrangement was I had Lizzie, till you were ready. Once you were, no more Lizzie.”

“And guess who didn’t stick to their own bargain?” she stated dryly.

He exhaled. “So, I’m giving you my word, that I won’t f**k Lizzie until you’re pregnant. Once you are, I’ll never trouble you again. agreed?” No. There was something else going on right now, she could feel it. “And…I apologize about tonight. She shouldn’t have been here, I give my word, you won’t see her at the house again. I’ll make sure of that myself. I’ll even tell John and Arthur.”

Ok, he wanted something from her. Whatever it was, it was enough to get an apology from the man who never apologized, even if he was in the wrong. When he was in the wrong, he’d always manage to flip it on you! So, to apologize like that, meant he was after something. After a few minutes, she asked. “What really brought you up here?”

He inhaled. “There’s been…some bad blood between us.”

“Bad blood?” Kate laughed bitterly. “I told you, that I loved you and your response was to go and sleep with Lizzie!”

“And you also agreed to live in a loveless marriage with me,” he points out. “you’re the one who decided to bring love into it!”

“Oh!” She groaned. “God! I did and I’m so sorry that I did such a horrible thing! I mean, what man wouldn’t want their wife to love them?”

“Kate---

“I mean, most husbands don’t love their wives and I was just fine with that!” He inhaled deeply. “I didn’t expect you to love me. I didn’t ask for that!” she shook her head. “It’s just…you work so hard, when you’re not being a terrible man, you can be good.” He took a step back, as if her words were a gun. “And I can see that you’re lonely, Thomas. I know, I can’t take her place and I didn’t expect to. I just…wanted to try and make your life a little easier, happier even.”

“I didn’t ask you to.” He stated lowly.

“No, you didn’t.” She shook her head. “But that’s what love is. Or rather,” she took a step forward. “what it was. Because I don’t feel anything for you in the way that I used to. Even when I was scared of you, a part of me admired you.” He blinked in surprise as she shook her head. “You killed…everything, that I felt for you. Now, I feel nothing.”

After a long moment of silence, he added. “Then, there should be no problems between us tonight or any other night.”

“God, you’re such a jerk sometimes.” He just looked at her stone-faced. She crossed her arms and walked towards him. “I know what you’re really doing in here. You’re not here for Charlie. You’re here to stake your claim on me.” He exhaled and looked around the room, confirming what she knew to be true. “Your right, as my husband, to assert yourself over my body, regardless of me being willing or not.”

He looks her dead in the eye and states. “You’ll be willing when I f**k you tonight.”

Kate laughed to hide the shiver at the confidence in his voice. “You’re worried…that someone else could get me pregnant and then you’d have to support their bastard because you know that I wouldn’t get rid of my baby, especially if I was in love with that man.” He didn’t answer. “I think, perhaps that I’d play the submissive housewife, like I was with George. I might have, except thanks to you, Polly, Mrs. Hughes and the rest of your family, I’ve changed. You may not like what I’ve become, but you had a hand in it. So, give it to me straight. Why do I have to provide a child and not Lizzie? One womb is pretty much like another!”

“It’s about legitimacy.” He said firmly.  “I will not sire a bastard and then have my wife, endure the presence of both the mistress and child.” 

“You’ll just sleep with the mistress.”

“Because she doesn’t want anything from me.” He pointed out. “You can tell me that you don’t love me now, but I know your kind of woman.”

“Or so you think.” She stated. “But this isn't about old feelings, this about why you refuse to go for any other alternative than getting me pregnant. You run a foundation for orphaned children. Why not adopt one of them?"

“They won’t be my blood.” He said. “I will not let my family line run dry.”

“So this is about a matter of pride for you then?” She states. “It has to be a certain type of child, or you won’t allow it?” She shook her head in disgust before exhaling. God, she hated him so much. But she loved Charlie more. “Alright, fine.”

He blinked in surprise. “You’re agreeing?”

“Oh, I’m only allowing this for Charlie, not for your cock. He needs someone around” he inhaled at her words. “and I just love him far more than I hate you!!”

he exhaled sharply. “Will you just get in the bed?”

“I don’t want to be in the bed.” she snaps at him. 

He frowns as he removes his suspenders. Kate moved towards her little writing table, she began to clear off the books and papers. “Hold on,” he said. “what the f**k are you doing?”

“We can just do it here!” She stated calmly. 

“Now, hold on,” he walked towards her. “why won’t you get in the bed? Wasn’t a problem before.”

“Because,” she spun around and snapped right in his face. “when I’m in the bed, I have to f**king look at you! THAT’S the problem now!”

“Well, I’m not f**king you from behind,” he snapped back at her. “so you just lie down on the bed, shut your eyes and f**king take it!”

Kate slapped him hard. “You bastard!” She shouted right in his face. “I hate you!”

“Not what you said before!” He shouted back at her. “I seem to recall, you saying the opposite!”

She opened her mouth to object, but he kissed her! She wasn’t sure what the hell made him do that, but he was kissing her! Kate’s eyes bulged in shock and she grabbed ahold of his forearms. God, this man could confuse her like no other man could! He pushed her onto the bed and Kate let out a cry against his mouth as he landed on top of her. he broke the kiss and maintaining eye contact with her as he reached up under her nightdress and ripped her shorts down her legs. she inhaled, scooting back a little as he slid a long finger into her. She hissed when he added another, causing him to smirk at her. The arrogant sod was clearly pleased to find her wet. However, she wasn't going to tell him that she’d already been wet since that mysterious man kissed her in the garden. It wasn’t him, but she’d let his arrogant pride think that it was him.

“You hate me so much,” he said as he undid his trousers. “it’s coming down your f**king legs.”

“You,” she slapped him again and he pounced, grabbing ahold of her wrists and pinning them over her head. “oh!”

“Christ,” he stated as he held onto her wrists with one hand as his free hand went to his trousers. “I hope you’re f**king loud!”

she shook her head. “Don’t you dare think that this means that,” he was inside her with one hard thrust. Kate let out a sharp cry. “God!” He was already hard. She knew what had really brought him up here. That moment in the library had been so intense between them that he was willing to give up Lizzie to get inside her. She could feel that as he began to f**k her, his strokes hard and deep, threatening to knock the air out of her lungs. “Let, ugh, my hands, go!”

He let of her hands one go, possibly to see if she’d strike him or something. She would, but not in the middle of having sex. He’d been so good to her and took so much time to get her to this point that she wasn't going to bring violence into this little space between them. Even when he was at his angriest, he always took care of her. She grabbed onto his forearm for support and he let her other hand go. He nodded, his face inches away from hers as she grabbed onto his shoulders as he stated. “I’ll f**k you good, Kate.”

“Shut up.” She said as she buried her face in his neck. “Just shut up.”

And he did shut up, only because he was f**king her so hard that he couldn’t speak, nor could she. All she could do was pant sharply as he chased his release. The room was spinning rapidly and only blurred more as he finally brought them to climax. This time, unlike their last time, they came in unison and he made sure that she got her pleasure as much as he. her legs dropped from around his waist as she exhaled deeply.

 Something was wrong, they felt wrong. Kate didn’t know what happened, but something was wrong between them. Normally, she felt good after being with him. Now, she somehow felt empty. The sex, the act itself was satisfying, but, it was normally afterwards that she craved. It was then that she’d realized that he’d succeeded. He’d broken her. she was too broken. It was just empty, meaningless…it was like how she’d felt after being with George. The deed was done and that was that. She thought, she was done with that. There had been a mutual enjoyment, a mutual pleasure and a mutual want. Now, it had become duty and her love for him had destroyed that. He’d ended her nightmares, brought her pleasure and now, the pleasure had once again, become a nightmare. This time, it was of her own creation. 

Thomas exhaled as he pulled out of her, causing her to quietly wince. He was silent for a long time, then he turned to her. “The deal is, Kate, you’re mine.” She already knew that. “You became mine for the price of a wedding ring.” She closed her eyes and turned away from him. “You got the lousy end of the deal and I thought…this was all a bit of fun. I didn’t think…that you’d take it as anything more.” He was silent. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“But you did.” She spat at him. “You did.”

“I know.” He exhaled. “I figured…it was kinder than having you hold a love for me that I can’t return.” She supposed that she could see the ‘mercy’ in that. He was ‘sparing’ her, the pain of loving him. But that was her heart, her feelings, her pain and he’d manipulated them to free himself of the ‘burden’ of being loved. He ran his hand down her stomach to between her legs. “It was always good between us Kate.” She bit her lip as he slid his fingers into her and began to pump them into her. He still knew where to touch her. “It could be that way again.”

God, she wanted it to be that way again, but it was impossible now. He’d hurt her too much. She shook her head. “I’m tired.”

“Kate,” he began kissing her neck. “once more. Come on.”

“No.” She pushed him away. “We’ll talk in the morning. I need to think on this.”

“Alright.” He thrust his fingers deeply into her one more time and she shut her eyes tight to keep from crying out. He cleared his throat as he got off the bed. “I’ll be next door, if you change your mind.”

God, he needed to be taken down a peg. She looked at him as he pulled his suspenders up. “I was wet, because I was thinking about him.” Oh, that shocked him and Thomas Shelby was a hard man to shock. “If I need anything tonight in that way, I’ll do what I did with you. I’ll close my eyes and pretend it’s him f**king me. Except I'll use my hand instead of you!” She got off the bed and went towards the bathroom. “Goodnight.”

She closed the door behind her and waited. Sure enough, Thomas slammed her bedroom door in a fury. A crash revealed that he’d knocked the picture off the wall by the door. She shook her head. That man, whoever he was, he’d been right. Any man would be lucky to have her and regardless of what her feelings for him had been, she still deserved to be treated right and she wasn't going to let Thomas walk all over her anymore.

Chapter 55: Conditions

She, was going to drive him out of his f**king mind! F**king hell, if he’d thought that she was ever going to be this much trouble, he’d have left her for Sabini! No, that wasn’t true either, but he didn’t know who the hell this woman was, but she certainly wasn’t Kate! Kate, was meek and gentle. She was a lady, every inch of her. This woman, he didn’t know who she was. But she was loud, vulgar and had quite the attitude. Not that there was anything wrong with her attitude, or being loud and vulgar. That just wasn’t his Kate. 

Not that she was his, but she wasn’t the Kate that he’d come to know. He didn’t know this Kate. It was as if he were staring into the face of a complete stranger and wondering who the hell they were. Except, he did this to her. He knew and acknowledged that. She hadn’t been like this, until he broken her heart. While he’d meant to kill that love in her heart, he hadn’t intended to hurt her to the point that she changed into someone else that he no longer knew or recognized.

There was a knock at the library door and he looked up just as Kate walked into the room. Before he could say a word, she spoke. “I want to talk terms.” 

He stared at her. “What?”

“I want to discuss sleeping arrangements.” She stated. “I want to talk about how often you intend to be with me.”

He’d never heard of anything so ludicrous in his life. “Kate---

“Don’t worry, I’m still your property to do with as you please.” She inhaled calmly as she stated. “But I am not going to let things go back to the way they were before. I want rules in place so you can’t hurt me.”

“Kate,” he stood up and assured her. “I’m not going to hurt you---

“You did.” She inhaled. “And I don’t want that to happen again.” He exhaled as his mind raced. How had he hurt Kate? Was it last night? “I won’t let you touch me without these rules in place.”

Oh, she’d gotten bold in her time with him. The Kate he knew from two years ago would have NEVER told him such a thing. She’d have been too timid to deny him. Now, there was a fire in her. He liked it. He didn’t know why he did, but he liked it. So, he decided to humor her. He nodded and gestured towards the chair opposite his desk. “Alright.”

She nodded. “Thank you.” She moved towards and sat down. She looked real pretty this morning, she wore a silk, mint-green dress that fit her well. She cleared her throat as she crossed her legs. “Focus. I came here to discuss business, not give you a show.”

“Business, eh?” he inquired, dragging his gaze away from her legs. “That’s what this is?”

“Yes.” She said firmly. “Sex between us is nothing more than a business transaction. You need me to give you another legitimate heir. It’s not pleasure for either of us,” well, for her at least, it still was for him. “so I want this talked out and discussed properly.”

Oh, she was being very intriguing right now. She'd clearly been thinking about this all night, planning it out while he'd tossed and turned in confusion. He cleared his throat as he sat down. “What do you have in mind?”

she inhaled. “I don’t want you making it special or nice for me anymore.” He immediately sat up. Not making it nice for her anymore? Why the hell would she want him to not take his time with her and make sure that she enjoyed it?  “You don’t have hurt me, but, I don’t want you taking time out---

He shook his head. “Now, hold on, Kate---

“of your day to make it special. Just,” she exhaled. “pick days or times when you want to do it and we’ll get it done as soon as possible.”

He stared at her. This woman, her mind, was absolutely unlike anything he’d ever encountered before. “You want a schedule?”

She nods. “Yes, I do.”

He shakes his head. “No.”

“Then this discussion is over.” She stands up. “I’m retiring to my room.”

He had to concede. “Alright,” he exhaled. “I’ll let, you write the days and times.”

She nods before inhaling. “No more, special prep, just use the jelly from now on.”

He shakes his head. “Kate---

“I don’t want it being special.” She repeated. “The jelly’ll do the job just as well. It’ll just get it done faster. I’ll do it myself so I don’t put you out.”

“It doesn’t put me out, Kate.” He said firmly. “I want to make sure that I don’t hurt you!”

“Too late.” She said coldly. He exhaled. He could see why she’d avoided talking to him. He’d hurt her too much. He could see it now for the first time. Prior to this, all he could see was anger and hate. This was the first time he saw the raw pain and it tore at him. He’d put her together, only to tear her apart. “Also, as I mentioned before, I don’t want to look at you.” He started shaking his head. She couldn’t, she couldn’t actually be getting ready to said what he thinks she’s going to be saying. “So, I don’t want to be in bed anymore. Your desk or even a table will suffice.”

He shook his head as he stood up. “What the f**k are you---

“And above all, you are to never, ever, kiss me again.” Her voice broke that time, betraying that she was really hurting. For the first time, he felt humbled and upset about the mess that he’d turned her into. “I don’t care if it’s even a peck on the cheek, you are not allowed to kiss me ever again. It makes it…all too intimate, which we’re trying to avoid.”

“Kate,” he stated softly. “I kiss you, because your body needs help. You need help.”

“Yes, I do need help. My heart and head need more than my body does right now.” She bites her lip. “Just think of me as a mare in your barn. I’m your property anyway, might as well just get on with the breeding.”

He just stared at her. He was stunned, but, he nodded. “Alright. If, that’s what you want.”

“It is.” She stands and holds out a hand to him. “Have we got a deal?”

he hated this. He hated himself and he hated what he’d made her become. He nodded reluctantly and shook her hand. “Yeah, we’ve got a deal.”

Kate exhaled and walked towards him with an exhale. “I already put the jelly on upstairs.” He could only stare at her as she willingly walked over and placed both palms on the desk. “You don’t have to do much.”

He wasn’t often without words, but he was. He couldn’t think of a damn thing to say. For the first time, he didn’t have it in him to just plunge into a woman and f**k her. This, was probably the biggest turn off he’d ever had in his life.

The phone rang at that moment and he’d never been more grateful for the phone to ring. He grabbed it. “Hello?” Kate exhaled and turned to face him, a look of disinterest on her face. There were no signs of affection towards him, like there had been back when she loved him. While he’d rejected her love, he was starting to realize that he’d made a mistake in hurting her like that. He held the phone up to his ear and listened. It was one of his men. “Hold on.” He turned to her and said quietly. “It’s business.”

She nods. “I’ll wait.” She turned and moved towards the couch as she reached into the waistband of her dress. “I brought the jelly.”

He was officially disgusted with himself. He’d wanted a loveless marriage and that’s what he got. Now that he had it, he wasn’t so sure that he wanted it anymore and he was at a loss to understand why he didn't want a loveless marriage with Kate all of a sudden.

---

December 24th, 1926

---

Kate came with a whimper as Thomas came inside her. he removed his hand from over her mouth, allowing her to breathe properly. She inhaled deeply, only to cry out sharply when he slapped her on the arse. “Good girl.” She merely nodded at him as he carefully exited her. “There you go.”

“Hmm,” She got up from his desk and he offered her a hand, pulling her upright. “I’m fine.” She said as she started to get her dress and undergarments in order once again. she inhaled and ran her fingers through her hair. “I need to finish the Christmas preparations.”

“Right.” he exhaled and asked. “It going well?”

she nods. “Yes.”

Things had changed since November. Kate had gotten sick with influenza during the second week and had been bundled off to the hospital. Thomas called her occasionally, till she told him not to bother. It was hard for her to talk and her lungs were taking a beating. Thomas had graciously given her until December before returning to their arrangement. And dear God, did he know how to make up for lost time. It started to feel different between them again. He felt different somehow, more frantic, a bit more anxious, even desperate in his ‘love’ making. She assumed that there was something bothering him. She assumed it was work weighing heavily on him, and since he’d never communicate with her, she didn’t question him. 

On certain nights, when he was really troubled, she told him that he could do whatever he wanted just to take the stress off. While she didn’t love him like before, she knew how he could start drowning himself in work and dark thoughts. So, she let him lose himself in her, just to bring him back a little. Those were the nights that he brought her to his bed. Those were the nights that he had her face him. Those were the nights that he broke the rules. He kissed her, touched her, spoke to her in Romani and then held her close after coming inside her. Once he fell asleep, did she disentangle herself from his arms and go back to her room. She knew that he hated waking up alone, but she wasn’t going to let her walls down and risk falling into a mess of mixed signals again. 

She exhaled. “Polly’ll be late, as will Michael. John and Arthur are spending Christmas with their wives and family.”

“Kate?” she turned towards him. he reached for her elbow and pulled her towards him. he kissed her on the corner of her mouth. “Merry Christmas, Kate.”

she hated this. hated how he could make her feel soft and loved, even though he didn’t love her. “Merry Christmas, Mr. Shelby.”

His eyes saddened a bit as he asked “Are you ever, going to call me Tommy again?”

she shakes her head as she steps away from him. “No, I’m not.”

“Kate---

“I have to go.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this Kate.” The words just came out of him suddenly. She paused. She knew that she was hurting him, but he’d hurt her so badly. She was still hurting now. “It can be different between us Kate, you know that I’m right!”

“Yes, it does have to be that way.” She can’t look him in the eye, if she does, she knows that she’s opening herself up to get hurt by him again.. “You put up your walls. You don’t get to complain that I put up one now. you don’t get to be close to me because,” her voice cracked. “I let you get close to me before and you hurt me.”

“Kate,” she heard his footsteps and she held up a hand, stopping him from getting close to her. He exhaled and grabbed her hand. “Can we talk?”

God, she wanted to, but she didn’t want to get hurt like that again. She shook her head. “No. Your feelings for me haven’t changed and I don’t want to get tricked into think that you feel something for me when you don’t. I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“Kate, I---

“I know, you’re sorry and I’m sorry too.” She exhaled. “I know, that it bothers you, but…it’s temporary. It’s the holidays, the holidays always make people feel lonely. That’s all it is.”

He’s silent for a long time, then he exhales and releases her hand. “Yeah. You’re probably right.”

She bites her lip before adding. “If I’m not pregnant by June, we…just need to stop.” She inhaled as she confessed. “I can’t take this anymore either.”

He was silent, then he said. “I can just f**k you, we don’t have to try for a baby.”

“No, you can’t.” she shook her head as she stated. “Because it never feels like a f**k. No matter how hard or rough you try to make it, it always feels like it’s something else and I know it’s a lie.” She inhaled as she opened the door. “I’ll go get the mail. And don’t kiss me again.”

He exhales as he turns back the desk. “Right.”

She didn’t want to be like this, but she didn’t want to get hurt again. In truth, she wasn’t sure that she even wanted to be with him again. She’d changed too much, he’d changed her. If he wanted her, if his feelings had changed, then he needed to be the one to come out and say it outright to her face. Then, he needed to pursue her to the point where there was no doubt of his affections for her. But Thomas Shelby wasn’t that kind of man and that was the man that she needed him to be. So until then, the wall stayed up and her heart was protected. That, was the most important thing of all.

---

Chapter 56: Dance in the flames

Thomas Shelby wasn’t a man to admit that he made a mistake, but he had. He’d made a huge mistake bringing Lizzie into this house and purposefully f**king her on his desk so Kate could see. He didn’t know why he thought that she’d grow out of this coldness and things could go back to the way they were between them. “Would it really have been that awful, Mr. Shelby? Was me, loving you, that big a problem for you?” it was…then she’d spent two weeks in the hospital with influenza and he’d come to realize something. 

He missed her. He missed being with her. He missed the way her beautiful eyes lit up. The way she laughed, the way she teased and the way that she blushed when she was shy or embarrassed. Kate had a very kind nature, everything about her had been warm and inviting. She wasn’t that way anymore. He missed the way the used to be together. He missed the way that she sounded when she was with him. She always let out these beautiful sounds. He missed the way she clenched around his cock. He missed the taste of her skin. He missed the way she’d look up at him, her green eyes shining so brightly as if she couldn’t believe the pleasure that he’d filled her body with. He missed kissing her. He missed the way she tasted. He missed the way she clung to him. The nights she gave him free reign over her, were the nights he was unable to stop himself from telling her all the things that he missed about her. Those nights, were the nights he fought to stay awake because he didn’t want her to leave. But he always woke up alone in the morning and the worst part was, he’d done this to himself.

Kate came back into the library with the stack of mail. She’d opened one up and was staring at it. She looked up when she hit the corner of the sofa. She cleared her throat and looked up at him. “I opened up the wrong letter.” She said. “It said Merry Christmas on it, I thought it was a card---

“It’s alright.” He assured her. He didn’t want her making excuses anymore for little things she did.

She shook her head. “No, it’s not alright.” She handed him the Christmas card as she set down the mail. “Airmarked from Chicago.” Ok, that wasn’t good. He looked down at the card. It was a Christmas card, but inside the card, was a black hand. He felt the blood drain out of his face at the sight of it. He set it down and leaned forward, his head reeling. 

Merry Christmas, to you and your family. It read. From Luca Changretta and family.

That, was a warning. Luca, had no family. He ought to know, he’d killed most of Luca’s family. Both of Luca’s parents were dead and Angel. The only one alive, was Luca. That meant, that Luca wasn’t alone and he’d brought others. That meant he’d brought the whole Mafia here. They were after him and his entire family. His hand started to shake a bit as he realized that Kate had gotten dragged into this mess. Even worse, if he died, Sabini would be all over her and put her through the worse kind of hell. 

“What does it mean?” Kate stated. He couldn’t answer her right away. She inhaled. “I know, that Luca Changretta will want revenge for his family, but what does the black hand mean?”

there’s a knock on the door and Frances came in. Kate didn’t mind Frances, she got on with her far better than she did with Mary. “Mr. and Mrs. Shelby, I’m sorry to keep asking, but chef wants to know how many for dinner tomorrow?” 

Kate inhaled and answered. “Twenty-seven guests, two family, and us makes thirty-two guests.” She inhaled. “I’m sorry Frances, I don’t mean to come off as rude, but can you give us a minute please? We’re in the middle of something important.”

Frances nods. “Of course Mrs. Shelby. I’m sorry, it’s that Chef gets…anxious.”

Kate nods. “ I understand. I’ll talk with you once I’ve finished talking to Mr. Shelby.”

Frances smiled at her. “Yes Mrs. Shelby.”

Kate smiled at her before turning back to face him at the desk. Once the door shut, Kate asked him directly. “How much danger are we in?”

She knew, she always knew when something was wrong. After a few minutes, he exhaled and said. “Luca’s a member of the black right hand, they go back to the 1700’s.” He exhaled. “He’s coming here, to kill every Shelby family member. These bastards, from what I’ve heard have no problem killing kids either.”

Kate inhaled deeply, her face growing pale as she asked. “So, it’s very bad?”

He nods. “Yeah.”

She bit her lip and stated. “I’m going to go pack up a few bags.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “Kate, it’s Christmas. Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m going to worry about it.” She said firmly. “If something happens and we have to dash, you’ll thank me for having our bags packed. I can also pack up some of Charlie’s favorite toys as well.”

He studied her. Her face was pale, but she wasn’t scared, not for herself at least. She’d probably faced death as many times as he. She was scared for Charlie. He studied her before nodding. “Alright.”

She inhales. “I’ll pack two bags each, we’ll store them in my room. That way, they can all be grabbed.” She was different, somehow, in this moment. Almost as if, she were a soldier in the trenches. “I’d also like my second gun back.”

He nods. “In my desk, bullets in there as well.”

She rubbed the bridge between her nose, clearly thinking as well. She inhaled and exhaled. “I also would like a letter from you, allowing me to draw whatever funds I wish from my account.” She says. “If we need money, I’m probably the only Shelby who could make a withdrawal without drawing too much attention as I’m not very well known.”

He nods. “Yeah, I’ll do that.”

She looks like she wants to say something, but can’t say it. She eventually exhales and says. “I’ll see to it that you’re not disturbed. I’ll handle the house, Charlie won’t know what’s going on.”

“I know, I trust you.”

She went stiff and asked him. “Since when?”

“Since the day you killed those two men and shot the nurse for trying to take Charlie.” He said quietly. How did she not know and believe that? Somehow, the moment those words left his mouth, he realized that he trusted her far more than he cared to admit. Not only that, it bothered him that she thought that he didn't trust her. She opened her mouth a few times, floundering for words. He stood up. He’d had enough of this between them. “Kate---

“No.” She shook her head. “Now’s not the time for talk. You’ve got things to do, I’ve got things to do.” She glanced at the clock. “The bank doesn’t close for another 2 hours, write the letter, send two men with me and I’ll go get it.”

Yeah, she had the soldier’s way about her. He nods. “Alright. Go get your hat. I’ll call Johnny and another to make sure you get there.”

She nods and hurries out of the room. “Frances! Have the car brought round the front, immediately! Please!”

He shook his head, a faint smile crossing over his face. Even in the midst of madness, she always remembered her manners. As he picked up the pen to write the letter, he realized that he was smiling…and it was because of her. That was the exact moment, that he began to wonder if maybe, just maybe, he cared for her a bit more than he wanted to admit.

---

Kate let out a huff as she came inside the house, carrying her suitcase full of money. She knocked on the door to the library and opened the door. He looked up from where he was writing. “Don’t mean to disturb you. Just letting you know I got the money, there were no problems at the bank.” He nodded. “I had the driver take a different route, took longer but I wanted to make sure that no one followed us back.”

He nods. “That’s good. You get the money?”

“Yes.” She stated. “I’ll go upstairs and get packing. I’ll check in with you later.”

He nods. “Alright. I’ve called a family meeting, Boxing Day, Charlie Strong’s yard. We’re going to be there for a while.”

She nods, they’re going back to Birmingham. “Alright, I’ll pack appropriately.”

“Right,” as she turned to walk away, he asked. “how much was in your account?”

she shrugs. “A little bit more than a million.”

His brow arched. “How much more than a million?”

“Around, 250,000.” He shook his head. “Cashiers were closing when we arrived and I offered 200 pounds to the man who clearly had kids. So, that made his Christmas.” She smirked. “So, if you need money, I’ve got it. I will, however, when this is all done, expect you to pay me back when all this is over.”

“With interest?” he asked, a hint of amusement in his voice.

She shakes her head. “No, just what was used. I’ll be upstairs.”

“Kate,” he inhaled and said quietly. “I know, you said, now isn’t the time to talk.”

God, she couldn’t. Not today. She shook her head. “Mr. Shelby----

“We need to talk!” He said firmly. Kate stared at him, not expecting the outburst from him. He inhaled. “Tonight, alright, eh?”

she inhales and asks uneasily. “What for?”

“You know what for,” he stated. “otherwise, you wouldn’t keep avoiding me.” The phone rang and he went towards the phone and grabbed it. “Hello? Moss, hold on.” He covered the mouthpiece and said. “I need you, to be alright, or I can’t f**king focus.”

Oh, he must hate her. He didn’t say it outright, but she was a distraction in his life and he hated distractions. She nodded. “Alright.” 

She didn’t want to hear what he had to say, didn’t want to agree to talk to him. But right now, everything was crumbling to Hell and if talking helped him focus on keeping Charlie, her and his family safe, then she’d let him say whatever the hell was on his mind. She didn’t have to agree with it, she’d just calm his thoughts, let him find a sense of normal.

However, when she came downstairs later in the evening after dinner, packing everything up. She found Thomas on the phone, covered in blood, she knew that there wouldn’t be anything normal for them for a long time. Hell had broken loose and it was time to dance in the flames.

Chapter 57: Not family

Nothing was ever going to be normal again. John was dead. Michael was in the hospital. Everything had been blown up and it would always be remembered because it happened on Christmas Day. Polly was a mess. Kate had wanted to go to the hospital with Polly, but Thomas hadn’t allowed it. He said it was because he wanted her to look after Charlie, but she had wanted to be there for Polly in the way that she’d been for her. Still, she agreed. Charlie came first.

Thomas had come back and drawn a bath for himself. He was dead. He didn’t say it, but she could see it in his eyes. He was utterly broken and in hell. He kept moving, because he need to move. If he stopped, he’d break under the weight of the burden he was carrying on his back. She’d been sent up to let Thomas know that everyone had arrived. She’d crept into the room, softly, so as not to disturb him. He was rubbing the bridge of his nose, clearly trying to fight back tears, but he wasn’t the kind of man to let them fall.

He exhaled and wiped his eyes, not wanting her to know, but she knew. She sighed sympathetically as she walked into the room. Despite their differences, this was the time to stop fighting. Her guard was still up, but she could offer him sympathy. She bit her lip and rubbed his shoulder. “I’d say stay there for a bit longer, but, I was sent to fetch you.”

He nods. “Everyone arrived.”

“Not yet.” He dropped his cigarette into the water. She exhaled. “I’ll get you your clothes.” He stood up, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. She shook her head as she took out a clean shirt and trousers from his closet. She’d hung everything up yesterday for him. “You’re making a mess.”

“It’s fine, Kate.” He said quietly as he took ahold of her elbow. “Don’t worry about it.”

The moment she looked up into his eyes, she knew. She saw it. She knew what he needed. She inhaled and asked quietly. “Where do you want me?” 

“Here.” He said quietly. “I want you right here.”

Kate glanced towards the bed, where Charlie was sound asleep. “Charlie’s still sleeping.” He nods and she leads him into the small bathroom. She turned on the light after closing the door behind him.

“I need you.”

He said it so quietly, that she wasn’t sure that he’d said it at all. Kate nodded as she pulled her shorts off. “I know.” 

She didn’t mind this. She didn’t mind allowing this for him. Not after everything he’d done for her. She knew what he wanted. Kate wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. It didn’t mean anything, she was just offering him the comfort that he desperately needed. He reacted and his hand went to her waist. His other hand, slipped between her legs, pleasuring her before losing his towel and entering her. This, while probably inappropriate considering the circumstances, was about offering comfort, which is what he needed so much. She’d offered it to him once and he’d rejected it. Today, he accepted it, if only for this moment.

It was good between them. After she got her clothes back in order. Thomas got dressed. She went down first to explain that he’d be there shortly. However, when she entered the room…she saw Lizzie sitting at the table. For a few moments, Kate was without words. This, was the family table. Only members of the family were allowed to sit there. Only Shelby’s. Lizzie, she wasn’t a Shelby. Yet there she sat, bold as brass at the table. To say she was hurt, was putting it mildly. For a good minute, she stood there, completely frozen. 

“Kate,” Polly gestured for her to enter the room and sit in a seat near her. “come on. You’re family now.”

She didn’t want to cause a scene. But she wasn’t family. This, was a big slap in the face. She inhaled as she said calmly. “I’m not.” Everyone looked at her, clearly surprised at her words. She inhaled, fighting for a calm that she didn’t know that she had. “I don’t want to cause more strife on day like today, so I’ll just go make tea for everyone.”

“Kate,” Ada stood up. “you are family. You should sit.”

Kate shook her head and stated quietly. “I won’t.” 

Suddenly, Linda said. “Lizzie needs to leave.” Everyone, turned and looked at Linda in surprise. “We all know what the problem is. No one has the guts to say it.”

“Linda.” Arthur warned. 

“No, I’m serious. We all know, that Lizzie has no right being at this table. It’s family only.” Linda shot Lizzie a deathly stare. “Everyone’s actually giving the mistress preference over an actual Shelby member. It’s not right to see her denied.”

“Linda,” Kate said firmly. “I thank you, for your support. But today, you all lost a member of family. Another is in the hospital. We do not need to quarrel among ourselves.” She inhaled. “I do mind and you are right, it’s not fair. But today’s not the day for it. Not the time. So, let’s leave it for another day.”

Linda exhaled. “I apologize. I opened Proverbs today, I read a verse that said there are four things that cause the earth to quake. One of them is when a married woman is unloved,” she turns towards Linda. “and the mistress usurps her.”

She could hear Thomas’s footsteps. “That may very well be, but for now, there are more pressing matters than my feelings. So, if everyone focuses on that, all will be well. Just, update me when it’s over.” She turned, nearly hitting Thomas. She inhaled as she said. “I’m going to make tea for everyone, see what else in the kitchen  for everyone. Maybe even make breakfast.”

“Kate---

“Don’t.” She whispered. “Not today.”

She went to walk away, but he caught her elbow. “Oi.” She sighed and shot him a look as he tugged her back towards her. To her surprise, he leaned forward and kissed the corner of her mouth. She inhaled sharply. He wasn’t saying anything, but that little gesture, was kind enough to show that she mattered, even if she wasn’t shown the proper respect after two years. After a moment, he ran thumb across her cheek. “Alright, go and make the tea. We’ll talk later about the seating and everything, alright?”

She hesitates. She doesn’t know if she wants this. She inhales and says softly. “We’ll see.”

She went to the kitchen and immediately put wood in the stove. It was different, but she could manage. She cleaned the kettle and cups while the stove heated up. Once it was hot, she put the kettle on. It would take a good fifteen minutes for this huge kettle to heat up, so she walked back to the hall so she could listen to what was being discussed. 

“When the time comes,” Arthur said somberly. “and it will come. Me as the oldest brother...will put this bullet into his f**king head.”

There was a long moment of silence, then Thomas spoke. “Sabini’s made us an offer.” Kate paused. Her heart pounded violently in her throat at that man’s name. Thomas cleared his throat. “As you can see, he’s gone as far as to draw things up.”

She heard the paper rustle. “What the f**k is this?” Arthur asked.

“He’s offered to switch sides and fight with us against Changretta.”

“Are you serious?” Polly inquires.

“But he’s Italian!” Ada said directly. “Why would he fight against his own blood ties?”

“Because we have one thing that he wants.” She knew it. She knew it was coming. “He wants Kate.” Her heart stopped in her chest at those words. The whole family began talking loudly in protest. “He offered the full use of his men and everything against Changretta in exchange for her.”

“What did you say to him?” Polly demanded furiously.

“I told him I’d think on it---

A loud smack confirmed that Polly or someone had hit Thomas. Kate didn’t wait to hear anything more. That was all she needed to hear. He was thinking on it. That meant he was considering it. If she were Grace, he’d have never bothered to bring it up. He’d have probably killed Sabini for suggesting that he turn his wife over. But there was too much going on now. That was probably what Thomas wanted to talk to her about! Sabini’s deal! The fact that Lizzie was seated at the family table before Finn, over her, it spoke volumes as to exactly how this family felt about her. Thomas had probably always been in love with Lizzie. He, however, was a man who didn’t believe in divorce. If she died at someone else’s hand, he was free and clear to finally marry the woman he always wanted. True, he didn’t believe in hurting women, but he put his family above everything else and it was very clear to her today, that she wasn’t a part of his family. Well, if he wanted to turn her over to Sabini, he’d have to catch her first.

Their bags had been left by the back door in case of a quick getaway. She and Thomas had already talked months prior to this. If it came down to protecting her and Charlie, he’d chose Charlie. She’d become a major bargaining chip for him and she wasn’t going to let him play her. She took only two of her bags. The one containing her money and the other with the emergency stash of clothes to last her several days. She didn’t know what she was doing, she only knew that she had to get out Birmingham. She didn’t know much of Birmingham, but Thomas had graciously informed her which parts of the area were the safest. She went to the least safe areas.

She stayed in the alleys, she remembered the way they got into Birmingham. All she had to do was make it to the outskirts of Birmingham. She knew to avoid the Garrison. All the men on alert, were looking for anyone Italian, not a woman hurrying through the streets. She’d worn a simple, dark brown dress today. Thank God, she blended in with the rest of the women. It had taken her nearly 40 minutes to make it to the outskirts of town. She exhaled as she headed towards the forest. She was less likely to be spotted there. She’d walk along the edge of the forest, following the road until she made it to the next town. From there, she’d call a cab and take her to the translation. From there, she’d find the fastest way to get on the nearest boat so she could make her way to America.

“You lost, Miss?”

Kate grimaced and looked behind her to see two men getting out of a car. They weren’t dressed like gangsters, while that was settling, the question was, how did they afford a car? She shook her head. “No, I know where I’m going.”

“Which is?” the one inquired. She didn’t hear an Italian accent, so, they were most likely Thomas’s men.

“None of your concern.” She stated. “I’m just getting out of here before the shooting starts.”

“Good idea.” The one stated. “Our friend gave us a lift. Shelby’s paying everyone good money, figured we’d get in on it.”

She nodded. “So, I’ve heard. Well, don’t let me keep you!”

“Would you like a lift?” He offered. “My friend has to go back to Aston, if that’s on your way.”

It was, but she’d rather walk than endure another car rid with a strange man. She shook her head. “No thank you. I don’t have far to walk. Thank you very much.”

He nodded and tipped his hat at her. “Alright Miss.”

She nodded. “Thank you.” 

Kate turned her back and resumed walking towards the forest. She’d taken no more than 10 steps, when she was grabbed from behind. Kate let out a loud scream, not caring if she was attracting attention. She dropped her clothing bag, but she swung and hit the man upside the head with her moneybag. The second man hurried over to help the man overpower her.
Kate did not stop fighting. The man threatened her with a gun and she still screamed right in his face. if they were going to kill her, she wanted to die now instead of being brought somewhere else to eventually be tortured to death. The men were conversing angrily in Italian, so she knew the moment she got in the car, she was dead. 

Shots were fired, possibly from Tommy’s actual men. There was a great deal of shouting and the two men dragged her towards the car. Kate never stopped fighting. The only way they subdued her was because one of the men hit her twice over the head with the butt of his gun, sending her into total darkness!

Chapter 58: Change of heart

“Right!” Thomas said loudly. “Hold on! Quiet!”

“You’d actually,” Ada demands. “hand her over to Sabini!? What the f**k is wrong with you!?”

“No!!” He said loudly. “I am  NOT, letting Sabini put a f**king hand on Kate!” everyone slowly started to quiet down. “She is safe and always will be!” Linda shot him a look of disgust. “I gave her my word, a long time ago, that she’d always be safe. We shared a blood vow and I intend to keep that vow.”

Everyone stared at him in shock, even Lizzie. “A blood vow?” Polly asked. “You and Kate?”

He nods. “Yeah.”

“But,” Arthur looked at him in confusion. “she’s not Romani. You didn’t even do that with Grace, did you?”

He hadn’t. He shook his head. “No.”

“But you did with her?” Ada asks. He nods. Ada knows, she can see it in that moment. He can hide lots of things from his family. Ada and Polly saw the most from him. She shook her head. “Tommy.”

“Then why the hell,” Polly demands. “did you tell Sabini that you’d consider sending her to him? You know what he and George did to her. They’re monsters!”

“I know that and I am NEVER going to let them get their hands on her. But I agreed to consider it because,” he said. “as long as I’m considering, he agreed not to join forces with Changretta for a month. That means, Changretta, has a lot less men on his side if Sabini stays out of it.”

“So, what you’re saying is,” Arthur says slowly. “you’re playing Sabini and Changretta against each other?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “We have a limited time in which Changretta is weaker than. Changretta’s come here with only 10 men. Picking him off and 10 men, will be much easier instead of fighting him and Sabini’s men.”

“How long?” Polly asks. He looks questioningly towards her. “How long do you think you can pull this off?”

“I told him, I had to talk to my family, get their advice, you had a promise to break.” He inhaled. “All the while, my men’ll get into position. They’ll find out where Luca and his men are. Then, we’ll strike. The war’ll be done a lot faster, a lot less casualties.”

Everyone studied him. After a few moments Johnny said. “What’s the plan Tommy?”

He nodded and began to tell them all about his plan, how he’d contacted Aberama Gold, how they’d all be coming down here. Not everyone was thrilled about the plan, he’d come to expect that, but the plan would work. It had to. He would never turn Kate over to Sabini. He’d cut off his own hand before doing that. 

“Before we end this meeting,” Linda stated, with that slight smirk on her face that he always hated. “I’ve a proposition.”

He exhales. “Yes, Linda?”

“I’d like to propose that your…secretary,” oh, he knew what Linda wanted to say, but didn’t. “give up her seat at the table.”
Polly shook her head. “For Christ’s sake Linda, Kate said not today.”

“She’s not here,” Linda said. “and she should be.”

He nodded. “I agree.” He knew where Linda was going, but he wasn’t going to appear soft in front of his family. “What do you propose, Linda?”

Linda looked a little surprise that he was agreeing with her, but she kept speaking. “I propose, that all chairs be limited to strictly family.”

“I have been with this family,” Lizzie stated firmly, clearly angry but fighting it down. “long before you ever married Arthur!”
“But you’re not a Shelby.” Linda stated. “Kate is. She deserves to be here, not you.”

“Look,” Polly said. “this can be dealt with---

“Now.” He said quietly, causing everyone to look at him. “Because next family meeting, Kate should be there. She is, my wife, after all.”

“Who you don’t even love!” Lizzie stated, causing him to glower at her. She shakes her head. “Everyone’s known for months! I have been here for you and your family for years!”

That was true, he knew it. Lizzie had always had their backs, but, if he wanted to prove to Kate that he wanted to make amends, a few things had to change, especially with Lizzie. He held Lizzie’s gaze as he brought his hand up. “All those in favor, of Lizzie not joining the family table, raise your hand.” Linda’s hand shot up immediately. Arthur hesitated, but a kick from Linda, made him put his hand up. Ada, she put her hand up as well. Finn, he debated, looking back and forth as he debated who to go with. He decided not to put a hand up, probably because he was more familiar with Lizzie and not Kate. But it didn’t matter. Even with Polly and Finn not voting, they won. He nods. “Right. So, next family meeting, Kate will take her rightful place at the table.” He nods at Linda. “Thanks for righting that error.”

She smiled. “My pleasure, Mr. Shelby.”

He didn’t know why Linda had Kate’s back. Sure, they’d talked for a bit, but, no one really liked Linda much. So, Linda going to bat for Kate meant that Linda admired her and that, it testified as to what kind of woman Kate was. Earlier upstairs, he wasn’t one to admit that he was in love with her, he was possibly falling for her. He didn’t realize it when he was inside her, he noticed it when she stood there, her arms around his neck, right before she kissed him. God, he couldn’t wait for tonight. He needed to tell her, that his feelings were changing. He didn’t understand them fully, but they were changing. As he learned today, life is fleeting, there are always things to be said and what he needed to say to her, she needed to hear.

---

She was in a laundry basket. They’d kept her under. Every time she’d stirred, a handkerchief with chloroform was placed over her nose. She figured that they’d stopped off and bought it. She didn’t know where she was. She was tied up. Her hands were tied behind her back and there was a gag in her mouth. Whoever had her, was wheeling her down a long corridor and her bag was on top of her .Kate let out a groan and started to turn so she wasn’t on her side. 

WHAM! 

Someone kicked her hard in the ribcage. She let out a loud groan as her rib fractured. She decided not to move again, not until she was untied and could see where she was. She had no idea where she was and frankly, she didn’t care. If she was with Sabini, Thomas had practically already planned to gift wrap her to Sabini. She was just getting there early. Now Changretta, she didn’t know him. She didn’t know what he planned to do to her, but she knew that he wanted revenge. All she could hope and pray for was a swift and painless death.

The men conversed with another man in Italian. There was a brief argument, then she was wheeled into a room. She could tell because they had to cross the threshold and the carpet underneath was thicker, the wheels didn’t rattle as much. There was a brief discussion with someone else in Italian. One of the voices, sounded like a woman. There was a brief argument for a few moments. Suddenly someone dumped the basket that she was inside, over. Kate let out a cry against her gag as she landed hard right on her recently fractured rib. The whole room was blurry and she felt like she was going to be sick. Sure enough, Kate started coughing as bile began to work it’s way up from her stomach. But since she was gagged, she knew that she’d choke on her vomit. No one would notice in the midst of all this yelling.

At least, that’s she thought. Someone suddenly walked swiftly over to her. The gag was removed instantly. She groaned and turned aside, so as not to vomit on that person’s shoes. That would only make them angrier. She vomited in the laundry basket that she’d been unceremoniously dumped from. She heard a knife get opened from behind her. She was only aware of very few sounds as it was hard to hear much of everything in the middle of all the yelling in Italian. 

Finally, one voice rang out in English. “I said, shut up! Shut up! Enough of this noise!”

“Here’s the water.” The female said in disapproval.

“Thank you, Mama.” Someone’s mother was here!? She spat the final bit of bile out of her mouth and groaned. “Get that basket out of here. Now!” The men hurried to do what they were told. Someone placed a hand on her shoulder and waist. “I’m going to help you,” he grabbed firmly onto her fractured rib, causing her to cry out loudly. He instantly stopped and asked. “Are you hurt?”

“It’s fine!” She stated, reverting back to her old technique of survival. “I’m fine.”

The man suddenly bit out. “Did one of you f**kers, hurt her?”

Ok, that was strange. Why, did he actually sound like he was angry that someone had put their hands on her? She frowned and turned to look at the man helping her. She stared. He wasn’t Darby Sabini. So, that could only mean one thing. She was Luca Changretta’s prisoner. 

Both men stood there, until one broke under Luca’s fearsome stare. “It was Elio!” He said loudly. “She came to in the basket and he kicked her!”

Before Kate could comprehend what was happening, Luca was on his feet in a second. To her complete and absolute shock, Luca Changretta grabbed ahold of the man! Elio, he began protesting as Luca Changretta suddenly punched the man in the face! Her mouth dropped open in shock as he threw the man on the ground and then gave him a kick in the stomach. He then turned to his other man and said, “Get him out of here!”

“Yes sir!” the other man scrambled to get the other man out of this room. 

Kate inhaled and warily watched Luca Changretta. Oh, he moved just like George, Darby and Thomas. The only unknown question….was with man was he like? He muttered angrily in Italian before turning towards her. For some reason, when their eyes met…everything paused between them. He felt…familiar for some reason. His face, he looked surprised, confused even. That, was baffling to her. She couldn’t understand it. He inhaled and stared at her before asking her. “You?” she frowned. She didn’t understand what he meant. He sounded as surprised as he looked. He stepped towards her. “You’re married to Thomas Shelby?”

She debated. She could lie. He didn’t seem to believe that it was possible. However, based on her experience with these kind of men, lying never ended well. She inhaled as she nodded and confessed. “Yes, I am.”

And with that, her life was in his hands. She just hoped that he made her ending fast.

Chapter 59: An elegant trap

For a long time, Luca Changretta stood there looking down at her. It was a very strange look. She couldn’t read it. It made her feel very uncomfortable, but, she wasn’t scared. It was intense, so intense it was almost hard for her to draw in a deep breath. “Mama,” he said without looking away from her. “call a doctor.”

Mrs. Changretta was just as shocked as Kate was. “What?”

“Call a doctor.” He repeated as he knelt down in front of her. “She’s bleeding and it looks like a rib is broken.”

Mrs. Changretta shook her head. “No!” She then launched into a rapid speech in Italian.

“Mama!” Was the only word she understood from Luca. There was a brief disagreement that ended in Mrs. Changretta stomping out of the room. He exhaled deeply. “My apologies about that.” He reached into his pocket for a handkerchief. “Here.” Kate jolted. He was offering her a handkerchief?! He frowned. “What? Your head is bleeding.”

“Oh.” She said quietly. After a moment she took the handkerchief from his hand and placed it on the throbbing side of her skull.

“Move it a little higher.” He advised, gesturing. She did and she hissed as the handkerchief began to drink up the blood. She found it strange that he didn’t touch her to guide her hand towards the cut. “Sit there for a minute.” He points to a glass on the coffee table that was by her elbow. “Mama brought that for you. Drink it.”

She was officially confused now. She’d been prepared for yelling, to get beaten, her clothes torn off her and her body put through utter hell again. This, it was strange. It didn’t feel right! If Luca was playing a game, it was a good one, she didn’t know what he was going to do! She picked up the glass and took a sip. She stopped, once she remembered that she hadn’t seen his mother pour the glass. There could be a poison or something in here.

Luca began speaking in Italian. She pretended to drink from the glass. If Luca wasn’t going to kill her immediately, there was still a chance that she could escape. Her time at the Shelby’s had taught her a lot and if there was a chance to fight, she was going to take it. 

“Arrivederci.” Luca said as he hung up the phone. He exhaled and moved back towards her. Kate pushed herself to her knees, grabbing onto her aching ribcage as she tried to push herself to her feet. “Here. Let me,” Luca reached for her and she reared back. She hadn’t meant to. It was a habit. Every time she was among an Italian, particularly the Sabini’s, she’d been hurt. He exhaled and held his arm out to her. “let me help.” She was skeptical. “Grab my arm, pull yourself up, that way, you won’t hurt yourself.”

“I’m fine.” She said. “I can get up.”

He nods. “Alright, then get up. I’ll be here if you need my help.”

Kate was skeptical. He was being too nice to the wife of his sworn enemy. She inhaled and pushed herself back to her knees. Luca, half-knelt beside her. One hand in front of her and the other behind her back, ready to catch her if she couldn’t stand up. She was able to stand, but the moment she did, the room spun. She groaned and grabbed her aching head at the same moment Luca grabbed her free hand and placed his other hand on her lower back. 

“I’ve got you. Sit here.” He said as he gently guided her towards the couch. Kate stared at him as he helped her sit down. This was the man, that Thomas said would kill children!? Well, he could be lulling her into a false sense of security! He could be wanting information from her, but he hadn’t asked her anything yet. “I’m sorry about that.”

Kate felt all the air freeze in her lungs. He…was apologizing…to her!? Why on earth was he doing that? “I-I’m sorry?”

“My men,” he said as he gestured towards her face. “I don’t approve of violence like this to a woman.”

“Just, certain kinds then?”

he arched a brow and chuckled. “You have, an interesting way of speaking.”

She frowned. “I haven’t said much.”

“Right.” He drawled as he stood up. He grabbed her water and handed it to her. “Here.” As if he sensed her apprehension, he added. “It’s just water. If I wanted to kill someone…I’d do it with a gun.”

“Well,” she licked her lip, once again, tasting blood. “that’s comforting I suppose.” She took the glass from him and nodded. “Thank you.” He nodded and sat down on the coffee table opposite her, stretching his long legs out. He watched her as she drank the water. Once she finished the glass, she set it on the table before turning towards him. Her heart pounded in her chest as she asked him. “What are you going to do to me, Mr. Changretta?”

“Don’t know yet.” He said, his voice low and raspy. “We’ll talk after the doctor comes.”

She frowns. “Do you normally call doctors for all your enemies?”

“Well,” he said lowly. “I didn’t hear that Shelby had married again. So,” he mused aloud. “the question is….what to do with you?” he studied her before stating. “I’m sure you know what you husband did to my father and my brother.”

She inhaled, mentally steeling herself for a blow to fall. “Not much. I-I know that they were killed as vengeance for Grace Shelby being killed.” His eyes flashed and she added. “But, I don’t know much about the events leading up to that.”

“You were married to him,” he stated. “he didn’t tell you why?”

she inhaled. “Mr. Changretta, I am not regarded as a trusted member of the family. I was not filled in on anything, so I know very little about anything that did not concern me.” That was a lie. She kept details to herself, because if she could get him to talk about the circumstances leading up to Grace’s death, she’d know if he was lying or not. 

His green eyes narrowed as he asked. “Not trusted?”

“No.”

He leaned forward, staring through her as he asked. “When did you marry Shelby?”

She swallowed. He had an intense stare, just like Thomas. “March 12th, 1924.”

“Eh, second anniversary coming up.” He suddenly asked her out of the blue. “What’d he get you for your first anniversary?” she frowned. “It’s supposed to be paper, right?”

“I don’t know.” She exhaled. “He didn’t get me one. We both forgot.”

He shoots her a look of disbelief. “You both forgot?”

She nods. “Yes, Mr. Changretta. It happens.”

“Where’d you honeymoon?”

“We never had one.” She explained. “We married less than a month after his wife died.”

“Why?” he inquired.

“Why what?”

“Why’d the two of you marry so soon after his wife died?”

she frowned. This wasn’t anything like the questions that she thought that she’d be answering. She thought he’d be trying to get information out of her. The questions he was asking, wouldn’t help him win the war. It was almost as if…he wanted to learn about her, which made no sense. “Uhm, Mr. Changretta, you’re asking personal questions about my private---

“I don’t think,” he stated. “you’re in a position to question what it is I’m asking you. My men…are missing a very important event because they brought you here instead.” He leaned forward and asked. “So, what I want to know…is why you decided to leave Birmingham, on the day that they bury John Shelby.” Kate flinched and straightened upright at those words. “Not to mention…it’s Christmas. You left his little boy.”

Kate’s temper flared as she snapped. “I swear to God, if you hurt Charlie---

“I don’t kill children.” He stated. “Other members of the Mafia have no problem with that. I do.”

“And I know you’re telling the truth, how?” she stated.

“John Shelby’s children and wife were spared on my orders.” That much was true. John and Michael were shot outside John’s house. Esme and all seven of his children had been spared. “My fight is with the Shelby’s. Not the wife and their kids.”

“Then why am I here?”

“Because,” he stated slowly. “my mother and I never even heard that Shelby had married again. So, I’m trying to figure out what’s been dropped into my hands.”

“Ah,” she crossed her arms. “you think I’d made a good hostage.” He smirked and chuckled faintly. “What?”

“Your head, the handkerchief.” He pointed towards her head. “It’s sticking.” She glowered at him and snatched the cloth off her head. It stung, which caused her to hiss. He sobered and pointed towards her head again. “You’re bleeding again.”

She exhaled. “It’s fine.”

Luca’s green eyes studied her closely. His gaze seemed to study nearly every inch of her. She saw the moment when he saw the whip mark on her wrist. he frowned as she tugged her sleeve down to hide the scar. “What happened there?”

“My first husband.” She said quietly. “He whipped me for running away.”

“Whipped?” He frowned, as if he hadn’t heard of such a thing. “What do you mean, whipped?”

she exhaled and stated. “He used a horsewhip on me because I ran away.”

He studied her and asked. “Is that a f**king joke?”

She sighed and shoved her sleeve up to reveal the scar that stretched from her elbow to her wrist. “Does it look like I’m joking?”

He just stared at her. She couldn’t understand why he’d looked so confused. He was Italian, he had to have kept in contact with men like Sabini. How could he honestly not know who she was? Thomas said that Sabini had offered to betray Changretta. There was no way that Sabini hadn’t told him who she. There’s a knock on the door and Luca stands up and turns towards it. “Come in.”

One of the men open the door and says, “Doctor Chiara Rossi.”

He nods. “Show her in.”

Kate’s head spun as she turned towards him. “Her?”

“Yes,” he nods. “I figured that you’d be more comfortable with a female doctor.”

Ok, she was officially unsure as to what this man was. Why had he gotten a female doctor? Even Polly hadn’t requested a female doctor when she’d showed up! She’d brought a nurse and had a male doctor look at her! She had a male gynecologist and a male surgeon. So, what in the world had made him request a female doctor? Why was he going out of his way to treat her like her comfort mattered? It was a trap, it had to be a trap, but never before had anyone ever woven so elegant a trap for her. It was almost flattering. But Mr. Changretta had no idea who she was or what she'd endured. Let him play his game of checkers. She was playing chess.

---

“Tommy! Tom!” he turned as Ada came running across the field towards him. “We’ve got a problem.”

“Ada,” he said lowly. “we’re getting ready for John’s---

“It’s Kate.” She said. “I can’t find her!”

those words stopped his heart in his chest. “What do you mean?”

“Me and Linda have been looking. We don’t know where she is!”

he frowned. “She was making tea---

“No!” Ada shook her head. “She never brought it! Linda went looking for her, there was a full kettle on the stove. All the water…it was burning empty, so all the water inside evaporated.” His heart started to pound in his chest. He turned and started to run towards the house. “Tom, the back door was open!”

if he was able to sprout wings, he’d have done so in this moment, but he couldn’t. All he knew at this moment, was Kate was gone. She was gone and all he knew was that his world was coming to and end.

Chapter 60: Fractured

“I’ll need you to disrobe.” Doctor Rossi said after suturing up the gash on her forehead. “I was told you have a broken rib.”
“Fractured.” Kate corrected as she unbuttoned her blouse.

Doctor Rossi smiled. “I’ll be the judge of that.”

“I’d know it.” Kate said calmly. “I’ve had several broken ribs and this one’s been broken before.” Doctor Rossi stared at Kate in shock as she removed her blouse. “It’s just a fracture.”

“Holy Mary, mother of God!” that was from Mrs. Changretta! She’d been practically forced by Luca to go into the bathroom and survey Kate for injuries. When her back was revealed, Mrs. Changretta stepped towards her. “My God! Was this Thomas Shelby?”

“No.” she shook her head. “It was my first husband.”

Doctor Rossi frowned and walked around to see Kate’s back. “My God!”

“It’s alright.” Kate said. “It was years ago.”

“Cover your chest, please.” Mrs. Changretta begged as she hurried towards the bathroom door. “Luca, come in here! now! Quickly!” Mrs. Changretta turned to her and ordered. “Cover your chest!”

“Why?” she asked. “You’re bringing him in here to see, it’s not like I have any privacy!”

“Mama, what’s the,” Luca’s voice died and she could feel him staring at her. He was silent for a good few seconds, then he asked in a voice, seemingly full of shock. “what the f**k.” Kate then glanced in the mirror and realized that he’d turned his back to her. He wasn’t looking at her. She found that strange as well. “Doctor, what caused that?”

Doctor Rossi touched her back. “It looks like a whip, Mr. Changretta.”

“So she wasn’t lying.” Mrs. Changretta said. “Some…f**king animal did this to her.”

“Who did that?” Luca asked, a low angry snarl. “Who the f**k, did that?”

ok, she wasn’t buying Luca’s innocent act anymore. She snorted. “Are you telling me, Mr. Changretta, that you really don’t know?”

“If I knew,” he stated. “I wouldn’t be asking you!”

“He’s dead, so, it doesn’t really matter.”

He exhaled. “I already know, you’re married to Shelby. That means, there’s a marriage license. Once I get my hands on that, I’ll have your full name, which means I can find out who you were married to before easy enough. So, you might as well tell me, who you were married to.”

He was curious enough about her and her past to certainly do the digging. She did find it a little strange that he was  more interested in her and not Thomas. In fact, he hadn’t even mentioned Thomas once, but perhaps that was part of his plan. She exhaled and admitted. “Fine, I was married to George Sabini.”

Both he and Mrs. Changretta immediately began to converse in Italian. Doctor Rossi joined in and for a minute it sounded like all three of them were arguing. Then Luca demanded. “Did Darby know that he did this to you?”

She inhaled as she admitted. “He witnessed it.”

Luca practically exploded. “What the hell do you---

“Oh, for God’s sake!” Kate shouted as she spun around and faced Luca and Mrs. Changretta. The fact that she was in her skirt and brassiere meant nothing to her. “If you’re asking me all these questions because you think that it pains me, you’re damn well mistaken! George is dead, I do not regret killing him!” Mrs. Changretta looked at her, but not Luca. Somehow, he was able to keep his eyes respectfully diverted away from her. “He was a monster and he deserved to die!”

Luca turned slightly towards her. “You were married to George?”

Kate let out an incredulous laugh. “Oh my God! Will you just STOP with these games!? I know that you know! There’s no way that a man like you in the line of business you’re in didn’t hear the rumors! There wasn’t a single Italian man in all of Sabini’s who didn’t know about me! Sabini’s prize whore!” She spat in fury. “That’s what they’d say, I’m sure you’ve heard all the rumors!”

“I’ve been out of the country for years.” Luca stated firmly “While I know that you don’t believe me, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She groaned and spat. “Ugh, fine! George and Darby would rape me. George and Darby’s staff would rape me was well, including a few of their trusted me. Even one of Alfie Solomon’s men raped me once. I took all I could for two years and then I killed George after he ordered me dead. Mr. Shelby married me to keep Darby from killing me! There! Are you satisfied now!? Will just stop with the fake ignorance act and get out of here because it’s very tiresome!”

Luca stayed stiff and he conversed lowly with his mother. She shook her head and he nodded in agreement. With that, he just turned and walked out of the bath, closing the door behind him without a second look back at her. Now Kate was wondering if there had been something in the water. A truth drug or something because there was no reason for her to have told him all of that. His reaction didn’t make sense either. None of it made sense to her!

 “I don’t understand.” Mrs. Changretta said quietly as she traced the scar on Kate’s elbow to wrist. “Darby Sabini is known to protect women.”

“Italian women.” She explained. “I am not Italian.Why would anyone care what a man does to his wife? It's his God and man given right, remember?"

Mrs. Changretta was silent before saying. "Luca didn't know. No one in my family knew."

"No one ever knows." Kate says. "That's the tragedy of it. No one knows."

---

Everything was going wrong. They’d stood in an open field, waiting for the two Italian’s to shoot at them. He’d forced himself and his family to go through with the funeral for John. All the while, he was nervous, anxious and waiting for news that Kate was alive. 

But it never happened. Aberama Gold waited for no one. Then, two of his men came sent word that a woman had been seen on the outskirts of Birmingham, with two suitcases. When he’d heard that she’d been grabbed and put in a car, he nearly vomited then and there. The two men, did get the license plate, which he immediately called in to Moss.

Moss said he’d put all available men on it. The moment he hung up the phone, he went to go look at their bags. Sure enough, two of Kate’s bags were gone, including the money one. That’s when he realized…that Kate had heard what he’d said and run. Worst of all, he didn’t even blame her. Everything had gone sour between them and it was all his fault. Kate, all she’d wanted to do was love him. He couldn’t understand that at the time, but now he did.

His life was had suddenly become empty and it felt so strange. No, it wasn’t strange, it was terrifying. When Grace had died, life had become numb. Kate, God his heart began to race in a panic at the mere idea that if something happened to her, if she died, he would truly be alone in this world. This time he couldn’t hold the vomit down and he was barely able to wrench open the back door open to puke his guts out. She had to be alive. She had to be alive. If she was dead, he had no reason to live. 
And that was the moment he knew. That was the moment he knew that he was in love with her and he’d probably loved her for a long time. He wasn’t sure when it happened. He just knew that he loved her and once again, his actions had brought death to the woman that he loved. This time, he wasn’t sure if he could resist the siren’s call of death if he lost Kate. He couldn’t do this again. He couldn’t go through this again. He needed to find her, to hold her and tell her that her feelings for him weren’t in vain. He was ready to return them.

---

Mrs. Changretta left the bathroom first. Doctor Rossi, after putting some cream on her bruised rib, told Kate to ice it and left her some painkillers. She was advised to take it easy and the rib would heal in about six weeks. All of this, Kate already knew. She took her time getting dressed. She then washed her face and hands. She had a small stain of blood which wouldn’t come out of her blouse. 

When she came out, the room was empty and Luca was just hanging up the phone. He glanced at her and gestured for her to sit back down on the couch. She did so, keeping her head high. Luca waited till she was seated, then he went and sat down on the couch opposite her. There was a long, slightly uncomfortable silence between them. Kate didn’t know what was coming. Her head was telling her to be prepared for whatever it was he was going to do to her. She knew, it wouldn’t be pleasant. Since that drug or whatever he put in the water caused her to lose her mind, she had no cards to play.

“My mama tells me, that Darby Sabini and his brother, tortured you severely.” She nodded. “She said you’re covered with scars and the Doctor, said that you were cut with knives, burned and more.” He inhaled sharply as she nodded before asking. “Does Shelby know that he hurt you?”

she frowned. This was the first time he’d asked about Thomas, but, again, it was in connection to her. “Yes.”

he genuinely looked surprised. “And he’s still alive?”

Kate nodded. “He said…that Sabini is good for business. He and Solomons have an agreement.”

“Does it bother you?” He asked directly, his hands folded. “That he lets the man, who hurt you like that, live and does business with him?”

it did bother her, but that was a long time ago. Thomas had protected her from Sabini. she now knew that Luca was searching for information and she wasn’t going to give it to him. She could spin the loveless angle easy enough. One Luca saw that she wasn’t valued by Thomas, maybe he’d see that holding onto her was pointless, he’d let her go. “Mr. Shelby is mourning for his wife. he only married me to prevent Sabini from killing me. he doesn’t love me or care for me.”

Luca looked genuinely confused for a second, but he cleared his throat. “So you said.” He stood up and looked down at her. “You know, we’re at war, right?” She nodded. “And at the time, I didn’t have your name on a bullet, especially since I didn’t know that you were a Shelby.” He exhaled. “I was prepared to kill you…then I saw your arm. I had my mother go in there because I needed to know if you were lying about the whip.” He went silent before stating. “I wish you had lied to me.” She inhaled sharply. He genuinely sounded sympathetic and that…it was confusing to her. “My mother, told me everything that she saw on you.”

“And that makes a difference?” she inquired. "You know you're going to kill me anyway?"

he frowns. “Do you want me to kill you?”

“I don’t care about death anymore, Mr. Changretta. I’ve been married to two men who each hate me in their own ways. I’ve basically been a whore with a ring on my hand to each man. Death at this point would be a release. So, if you don't mind, make it fast and painless.”

“Sabini is on my side during this vendetta.” That caused her to go still. Luca took a step forward, both his hands in his pockets. “I called him,” her heart started to pound violently in her chest. “and he asked me to hand you over to him.” Kate covered her mouth, trying not to get sick or pass out as Luca continued speaking. God! He was going to hand her over to Sabini! “He said it was his right since you killed his brother---

“Who was going to kill me!” The words burst out of her and hot tears trickled down her face as she jumped up from the couch. “Please! I’d rather you, kill me right now then send me back to him!” Luca was genuinely startled. “He won’t kill me. he’ll torture and rape me for months! I'd kill myself before---

“I’m not giving you to him.” Luca assured her as he stepped forward.

All the air went out of her with one big whoosh!! “W-what?” She wasn't sure he'd said that! She'd heard it and she still wasn't believing it!

He handed her a fresh pocket-handkerchief. “I’m sending you back to Shelby.”

Chapter 61: Luca Changretta's offer

Ok, she’d expected to hear many things. She’d expected to hear that she was going to be raped, tortured, shot, handed over to Sabini or something horrible would be happening to her. She hadn’t expected to be freed, so for a moment all she could do was stare at him. “W-what?”

“My mama and I,” he explained. “we both agreed, to spare you from this vendetta. A courtesy that is extended only to you. No one else. Besides, you may not have even been married to Shelby when he killed my father.”

She blinked; there was clearly regret and pain in Luca’s voice. Regret that the hadn’t been here to protect his father and brother. She understood why Thomas did what he did, but based on what he did to the men who raped her, she couldn’t imagine what he did to Mr. Changretta. Probably because Luca was sparing her life and returning her to Thomas, she wasn’t seeing the cold-blooded killer that Thomas had described. She saw a grieving son and brother. But she’d also held a screaming and crying Esme today as well. So she understood the pain of a wife who lost her husband. She knew that John had been involved in taking Mr. Changretta, Luca should have dealt with Thomas, but Thomas had gone after Luca’s entire family. Then, she remembered Arthur mentioning something about defying Tommy’s orders to kill Mrs. Changretta. Thomas hadn’t minded killing a woman. She shook her head; she wouldn’t go down this path. She couldn’t start comparing whom did what wrong because there was no right in this situation. She’d lived in this world too long to understand how revenge worked and it was all a mess.

 Luca moved towards the phone. “I’m going to call your husband, tell him that you’ve been picked up and I will arrange that you’re escorted safely out.”

She stared at him. “Really?”

“Yes, pappagallo.”

Her head whipped towards him. “Pappa-gallow?” something, in the way he called her that…she didn’t know why, but it put her sense on alert. 

“It means, parrot.” He smirked at her as he picked up the phone. 

Before he could call Thomas, Kate inhaled and requested. “Please, don’t call him.”

He stopped and looked at her. “Why?” she could see that he knew, he’d already suspected it earlier. Now, she was about to confirm his suspicions.

She inhaled. “In truth, Mr. Changretta…I was running away from my husband.” His brow arched, but he nodded. “So, if you were to offer me the use of your men, I would use them to get me safely to a boat so I can get out of the country.”

He frowned. “Why?” he moved back towards her, stopping within a reasonable distance, so as not to cause her any discomfort.

She inhaled and then confessed. “Sabini sent him an offer to betray you,” he stiffened and stared down at her in surprises. She held his gaze. “and join forces with Mr. Shelby. He even sent the terms over in writing. I’m not…allowed at family meetings, so I listened and Mr. Shelby gave the terms over to the family.”

Luca was shocked. “He was giving you to Sabini.”

Kate inhaled, not wanting to paint Thomas as a bad person, but he wasn’t in a good light over this. “He said he was considering it and that’s why I ran away. I didn’t know if he’d turn me over to him or not, so I left. That’s when your men picked me up.” 

And she honestly didn’t. Thomas had been so cold, so cruel and heartless to her, seeing her as little more than a body to f**k. And she gave him use for her body, but, she’d had enough of it. She’d sacrificed too much of herself for that man to be given so little in return. Lizzie was held in a higher regard than she was. She, while married to Thomas, had to constantly tell Charlie not to call her mommy. She wasn’t allowed to be treated like family. And now, when he had the chance to save his family, she doubted that he was suddenly going to be care about her feelings or welfare. It was time to be free of him and his family. 

Luca studied her as he asked. “Where were you going?”

“America if possible.”

He frowned. “Is that so?”

“Yes.”

“You’re telling me this, why?”

That was a very good question and to be honest, she wasn’t quite completely sure herself. What she did know, it wasn’t much. “Because right now, you appear to be the only person to care if I live or die. Sabini wants me and he has no problem turning on people to get what he wants. I figured you should know that he’s willing to turn on you. Also, you seem to have a fair sense of honor.” He studied her deeply, those green eyes seeming to spark with hints of hazel. “Regardless of Sabini’s offer and the fact that he doesn’t love me… honor should have prevented him from even considering the deal.”

Luca nods. “You’re his wife, he should have---

“He was forced to marry me.” She stated firmly. “He does not love me and I’ve accepted that a long time ago. Besides, you’re a family man, your family comes first.”

“I find it hard to believe that any man, married to such a beautiful woman,” those words, caused her heart to go still. Did he think she was beautiful or was he just saying that to lull her onto his side? “wouldn’t include her in his family.” He studied her and asked her directly. “Is there someone else?” She froze. He took a step closer to her; his green eyes intensely studying her face for lies. “Is there another woman?”

“Yes.” She inhaled as she confessed. “His secretary.”

His eyes flashed and he asked darkly. “Lizzie Stark?”

Kate studied him warily. She hadn’t named Lizzie, but he knew somehow. Instead of confirming it, she asked. “Did you know her?”

“The last letter my brother wrote to me, was about her.” He shook his head. “He said, he was in love. He found the woman that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with!” Kate frowned. She hadn’t realized that things were so serious between Angel and Lizzie. “I wrote back and told him not to get involved with a whore. But it was too f**king late!” Kate just stared at Luca, she didn’t know why he was telling her this. “According to Mama, Lizzie was to take Angelo to Mr. Shelby’s wedding. They burned his restaurant down to stop him from coming. My father, tried negotiations, but those ended when John Shelby threatened to shoot Angelo in both knees.” Kate frowned, she hadn’t heard this part of the story. “John, then beat my Angelo and took his eye. And then, the peaky f**king blinders destroyed two of my father’s pubs. That was when my father, put the hit on Thomas Shelby.” He shook his head. “Then, the f**king assassin missed him….and got his wife. They killed Angel, ran all the Italians out of town, killed my father and nearly killed my mother.” He was shaking with anger. “All this…for a woman who turned out to be Thomas Shelby’s f**king whore.”

Kate bit her lip and said. “She wasn’t, while he was married to Grace.”

His eyes flashed. “Only when he was married to you?”

She nodded. “I was….hurt, very badly by George. I couldn’t…do my wifely duty to him---

“Sabini hurt you that bad?” he asked, his voice though low, was still shaking with anger.

“I needed surgery.” His thin lips tightened. “I agreed to allow it, until I was physically able to," she dropped her gaze and exhaled. "that’s another story.”

He studied her a long time before asking. “How’d you find out about them?”

Kate let out a laugh as she recalled. “Ah, I did a very stupid thing and he decided to teach me a lesson. I went downstairs to find them together.”

He frowned. “In the house?” she nodded. “Did he know you were there?”

“Yes.” She exhaled. “Like I said, I did something stupid.”

He shook his head. “What could you have possibly done?”

“I told a still grieving man that I was in love with him.” Luca paused, his countenance sobered a bit. “But that actually made him…angry. He did that to remind me that I was his wife in name only and that this was to be a loveless marriage between us.” She sighed. “Things were, never the same after that. It was clear that I wasn’t a wife. His secretary was recognized as more of a family member than I.”

“So,” he said slowly. “do you think, he’d have handed you over to Sabini?”

she inhaled. “I don’t know. I just knew, I wasn’t going to stick around.”

“That was good.” He inhaled. “If Sabini and Shelby have joined forces, they’ll be looking for you.” Luca said. “You will remain here for a day or two, until I’ve made arrangements for you to go somewhere safe.” She stared at him. “You know, we’re at war, so it won’t end until Shelby or I are dead. If I’m dead, he’s coming after you. If he dies, I’m going back to America. If you stay here, Sabini will hunt you down.”

She nods. “I’m aware. I’m going to America.”

“Which part?”

“California.”

He nods. “It’s safer there, better than Chicago. You will, need a fake passport and papers.”

“I have mine.”

“You’ll give them a trail.” He stated. “I have a man, he does good work, but it’ll take time to put everything together. If you can wait…I recommend it.”

Now, was when she was growing concerned. She was getting into his debt and he’d yet to ask her for anything. Kate inhaled and decided to be honest. “Mr. Changretta, before things get any further, I need to make something clear to you.”

He nods. “I’m listening.”

“I don’t know what your motives are.”

“I want to help you.” He said directly.

She stared at him. “That…makes no sense to me.”

“Haven’t you been hurt enough?” he asked. “Sabini? Shelby?”

she inhaled as she continued. “Regardless, of how difficult things have been between me and Mr. Shelby…I am not telling you anything about him, nor his family.” She speaks in a firm and controlled voice. “I owe him and his aunt my life. Without them, I’d have been tortured and killed by Sabini a long time ago. Now, I may be upset with him and hurt, but I will not betray him. So, if you’re hoping that I’ll tell you anything, I won’t because it’s a matter of honor.” She inhaled. “however, as you offering me sanctuary and help, I must also acknowledge that I’m in your debt as well. I know, that things can happen in this line of business and should something happen where I wind up back with him or Sabini, I will afford you the same silence that I’ve awarded him. I give you my word on my father’s soul that I will not reveal anything about you to them.”

He studies her and nods. “Alright, Mrs. Shelby.” She hated that. It sounded so stuffy and formal, but best to keep it that way for now. Going by their first names, that brought a whole other degree of personal into this very bizarre, kind of friendship that wasn’t necessary. “You say it’s a matter of honor, so I shall respect your wishes. However,” he held her gaze as he said. “I do not need you, to win this war against Shelby. You’re not involved and I doubt that you’d have anything useful to give me.” It made no sense, no sense why he was so willing to believe her like this. He extended his hand to her and stated. “You have my word on that.”

It felt wrong to do so, but she did it. She shook his hand. “Thank you Mr. Changretta.” 

His touch lingered a moment more than what was proper. But, something about his touch, seemed warm and familiar. “My mother, will check in on you once you’re settled to make sure that you’re alright. If you need anything, tell her.”

“I require very little, but thank you Mr. Changretta.” She bit her lip and asked. “Why are you doing this for me?”

he smiled faintly. “I’ll tell you about it one day, but I give you my word, my intentions are good.”

She found that hard to believe, but, she had no other option for now but to trust him. God, she hoped that her instincts weren't deceiving her and he was being genuine with her. 

Chapter 62: Honorable vendettas

It had been a week since Kate had been taken by Changretta and he couldn’t find out anything. He hadn’t slept, well, hardly during that time. He’d even contacted Alfie who tried to find out where the hell Kate went, but she’d vanished. Wherever Changretta was, that’s where she was. That’s what he’d assumed. However, according to the maid that they paid, Mr. Changretta did not have a female visitor. He had one for a day and night, but she’d left and not been seen again. None of this was making sense to him and he was going out of his mind.

He didn’t know if she was dead or alive. He was going out of his mind! F**k! He needed to see her! They’d found the Italians that had taken her and he’d tortured them to death. They kept insisting that they’d taken her to Changretta and hadn’t seen her after that. One of the men, confessed that the other had broken Kate’s rib and Changretta had sent for a doctor. That was of comfort, Changretta had gotten her a doctor that day. But according to Kate, Sabini liked her to be healthy before bringing her to the point of death. His hand shook as he lit a cigarette. She could be alive, God, he hoped she was alive and he hoped that they weren’t hurting her. If Changretta was hurting her, he’d rip the man’s heart out of his chest and shove it down his throat until he choked.

Today, it was not a good day. He’d refused to cave into Jessie Eden’s demands and she’d shut down the factory. Everyone was on strike. That was fine, he could afford it and it was one last thing for him to worry about. One thing had gotten taken off his back and he didn’t care. He just had one last meeting today then he could go out and track down more leads of where his wife was. God, he needed to see her again! He needed to explain, he needed to tell her that he loved her! She was his wife and he wanted her to be his real wife in every sense of the word. 

“Mr. Shelby,” his manager came into the office. “this is Monsieur Paz from Paris.”

The moment Thomas looked into those cold green eyes, he knew that he was looking into the eyes of Luca Changretta. Luca, sauntered into the room, slowly and casually, almost as if he owned the place. Thomas felt so many emotions, but the thing that was killing, was how he had to tamp them down. Kate’s life was in the hands of this man and if he lost his temper, Changretta could hurt or kill her.

“I heard you had trouble.” Luca said, giving a pointed glance to Thomas’s empty floor. “It's good of you to see me.”

He didn’t know what to say for a moment. It was all a game they were playing right now. So, he decided to play the game. “You just came from Paris, eh?"

Changretta nodded as he unbuttoned his coat before sitting down at the head of the table. “You know Paris?”

“I left Paris in a cattle truck.” Luca sat down and folded his hands, taping his fingers together in a calculated fashion. Luca was a smug bastard, he could see that a mile away. “They said you were French."

Luca made a disinterested face. “Well, I came here from Paris.” He smirked slightly. “That does not mean I'm French.” He leaned forward and asked in a low voice. “Guess where I'm from.”

Oh, they were playing games alright. Well, he needed a smoke to get through this one. He’d left his coat on the coat rack, which had his cigarettes as well as his gun. When he pulled the cigarettes out, he noted that Luca didn’t even move. So, he didn’t suspect that Thomas had his gun there, which was good in a pinch. “Well, in my cattle truck in Paris,” he tsked his tongue as he pulled out a cigarette. “there were American soldiers who played cards. They sound like you.” He stated directly, letting Changretta know he knew he was from America.

Changretta nodded conversationally as he pulled out a toothpick and stuck it in his mouth. “Yeah. Did you win?” For a moment, he didn’t answer. The toothpick…it was so very much like John. He didn’t know if Changretta was mocking him about John’s death. He held out a cigarette and Changretta waved it away. “No, bad habit.” Luca shot him a direct look. “Gave it up for a lady.”

He really didn’t care, but it was good to know he wasn’t mocking John. He continued with his deduction of Changretta. “You didn't come on a train. Your suit is pressed, your shoes are clean.” He decided to keep things casual, so he asked him. “Where do you get your suits made?”

Luca grinned at him as he opened up his coat. “I have a tailor in New York City. Look.” He points to the label inside the coat. “Funacci, Italian. He's my uncle.” He figured. “He makes suits in the basement of Madge Street. He is my uncle, so every stitch, stitched with blood.” There were few seconds of silence, then Luca started sizing him up. “I heard you dress well, Mr. Shelby, but now I see... not so well as me.”

Who cared, he’d rather wear the English style of clothes. The American’s were too bold, too flashy. While Luca’s clothes were clearly a cut above his, he wouldn’t be caught dead in them. “You know, I have uncles as well. But they're not the sort of men who would, who would work in a basement with a needle and thread,” he let it hang in the air that sewing was woman’s work. “Mr. Changretta.”

It worked. Luca’s smirk slipped a little bit, letting him know that the negotiations were over. “I am surprised how easy it was to get into a room with you.”

He grabbed the gun from the rack and pointed it right at Luca’s head. “And now?”

The man didn’t even blink as he brought his hands up slowly. “And now?” he spoke in a dry, drawl that got on Thomas’s nerves even more. “And now you should know,” Luca pointed towards his gun. “that during the trouble you had earlier on your factory floor I sent an accomplice into your office in overalls.”

He didn’t believe him. Luca reached into his coat pocket. He already knew that Luca wasn’t wearing a gun because he’d seen that he was unarmed when he’d shown him the label. “He found your gun,” Luca pulled out a handful of bullets and put them from one hand into the other. “and unloaded it.” He lowered his gun. He checked the chamber of his gun and sure enough, it was empty. This Changretta, he was different from anyone he’d ever faced. Taking him down would be hard, but he’d do it. “Arthur Shelby.” He looked up to see Luca had put a bullet on the table. “Polly Gray.” He put another bullet down. “Michael Gray.” He put a bullet down with every single name. “John Shelby.” Thomas’s heart caught in his chest. It had been a week since they’d buried John, but in his concern for Kate, he hadn’t had a moment to take John’s death to heart. Luca then flicked the bullet to the end of the table. “Spent. Ada Thorne.” Changretta maintained eye contact with him as he put down another bullet. “Katherine Shelby.” That was going to kill him. Kate had been cheating death for years and if he lost his temper right now, Changretta was probably go to go back to wherever she was and kill her. “Spared.”

He wasn’t expecting that and he couldn’t hold back a reaction to that news. “Why?”

“My mother and I talked. We saw her back,” his blood boiled. “and we decided, to leave her out of this vendetta. After all,” he said slowly. “she has had enough pain. Yes?” he nodded in agreement. If anyone of them deserved to be spared, it was Kate. He’d need her to look after Charlie. Luca then pulled out the final bullet from his pocket before declaring. “And finally... Tommy Shelby.” Luca stood up as he calmly declared. “None of you will survive.” 

Oh, they would, they were Shelby’s. Changretta had been in America. He didn’t know about him, the peaky blinders and how things were done. He didn’t know how Thomas fought for his family. And even though Kate was spared, she was still in danger if Changretta decided to give her to Sabini. Kate was the woman that he loved. He’d lost one wife, he wasn’t losing another to a bullet from Changretta .

“You're level of security is pitiful,” Luca looked out the window to survey the empty floor. “and we are an organization of a different dimension.” After a few moments, Luca looked towards him and stated calmly. “I could've killed you when I walked through the door. But you see,” Luca walked towards him. “I want you to be the last.” That was the moment Thomas knew that Luca Changretta was going to make a deal with the devil to wipe out his entire family. “I want you to be alive after your entire family is dead 'cause my mother says that is what will hurt you the most.” Arthur and John had defied him. Mrs. Changretta was still alive. They’d lied to him, told him that they’d killed her. He hadn’t asked for proof. He should have and now, she was alive and pushing this revenge. “You people have traditions of honor, as do we. Instead of sending you a black hand, I could've had you killed in the night. I don't know why,” Luca approached him and stated in a lower voice. “but I want you to know why. And I wanna suggest to you that we fight this vendetta with honor.”

Thomas knew why Changretta wanted to deal with this. It was a matter of honor. Thomas had nearly killed off all of Luca Changretta’s family as vengeance for Grace’s death. He’d done so, because it was a matter of honor. If he’d died, that’d have bee one thing. But it wasn’t. It was Grace who’d died and honor had been served. Now, Luca was here and doing the same thing for his family. Luca wanted it to be honorable, fine. Honor meant that there were terms to be set and he could set a few of them in his favor.

He put the gun on the table and stated. “No civilians. No children.” That would ensure Charlie’s safety.

Luca nodded as he added. “No police.”

Thomas then added. “I want my wife released.”

Luca shrugged. “She’s not a prisoner.”

“I know you have her.” He said calmly. “I want her back.”

“Your wife doesn’t want you.” Thomas fought to keep his face impassive. “You see…my men, picked her up by mistake. I went to call you, arrange that she be returned to you, since she’s not a part of this, but…she asked me not to call you.” That wasn’t making any sense to him. Kate had the chance to come back, but she’d turned it down. He refused to believe that. “She heard you tell your family about Sabini’s offer.” F**k!! That was his worst nightmare. He knew she'd heard it, but a part of him had hoped that she hadn't. “So she left you.”

“Where is she?” he demanded, lowly.

“She’s safe.” Luca said slowly. “She’s being looked after. You have my word on that.”

That was of little comfort to him as he stated. “I want to talk to her.”

Luca shrugs. “I don’t think that is possible.”

“I want to talk to my wife, or I will have the police find her.”

Luca studies him and said. “We agreed to no police.”

“For us, but she’s a civilian and my wife. You put her on the phone, or I will tell the police that you’ve abducted her and they’ll be after you until she’s released.”

Luca smirked and nodded as he added. “I’ll see what I can do, but she may not talk to you.”

“Then you have her write a note and tell me that.” Luca nods. There’s a long silence between them and he adds. “Welcome to Birmingham, Mr. Changretta.”

“Grazie.” And with that, Luca Changretta walked out of his office and it took all his will power not to grab a bullet from the table, put it in his gun and blow Luca’s brains out as he walked away. But he wasn’t the type to kill an unarmed man, even though he wished he was.

He sat down and rubbed his eyes. He didn’t know what was going on with Kate. Were things really that bad? Were they truly so bad that she turned to Changretta? No! He couldn’t believe that, he wouldn’t. She was upset, yes. He’d hurt her a lot, but he wasn’t giving up on her. There was still time to fix this. All he had to do was explain that she’d misheard him and then he’d tell her that he loved her and wanted her back. It was really that simple.

Chapter 63: Peace

“Looks nice.” Kate yelped and fell backwards on her bum. Luca removed his hat and came around the fence. “You alright?”

“Yes.” She inhaled as she looked up at him. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you approach.”

“It’s alright, you were working.” He offered her his hand to get up. “Is this alright?”

she nodded. “Yes.” He placed a hand on her back and helped her get up. “Thank you.”

“Pleasure.”

Kate cleared her throat. It had been a week since Luca had moved her into a cottage in Worcester. It was a nice place, it was in a little disrepair but he said it’d give her something to do and he’d been right. There was a man on the property, but he stayed in the guest cottage. Luca threatened to cut him into a million pieces if he bothered her and Kate appreciated that. The man kept his distance, but he kept an eye on her. It was a nice neighborhood. Quiet as well. The neighbors were friendly as well.

Luca Changretta, he was a hard man to figure out. After making sure that she was alright, he’d left her to make arrangements for her papers. Apparently, to get all the necessary papers. He’d be forging a birth certificate, her ID, a passport and other important papers. He was creating a whole new identity for her, so she’d be able to slip away and start a whole new life for herself. According to him, Sabini had no contacts in CA where she was going. Luca said that he’d have the papers ready for her in two months. He hadn’t stopped by in person during that whole week. He did call her twice to see if all was well and she was. 

The phone had been disabled in the main house and she had to use the phone in the cottage. She was trusted to a certain point, but she was alright with that. She had a lot more freedom than she did back at the Shelby’s. She could go into town, shop on her own, go for walks or do nothing. She found a peace that she hadn’t felt for years. It was strange. It was just, really strange, to have this calmness and silence, after so many years of stress. Luca, seemed to be as honorable as he appeared, men in his line of work normally weren’t. But she wasn’t totally convinced, regardless of what her instincts were telling her. She would stay on her guard with him until he’d given her a reason to be able to relax around him.

Luca surveyed the area that she was weeding. “Looks nice. You learn gardening from your mother?”

“Sadly, no, my mother died giving birth to me.” She removed the gloves before asking him directly. “Was there something you wanted to see me about?”

“Yes.” He leaned against the fence. “I had a meeting today, with Thomas Shelby.” Kate stilled. “We discussed, the nature of this vendetta and agreed that it would be fought with honor. No police. No civilians and no children.”

Kate exhaled. “Oh, thank God!” he looked at her curiously. “I-I’m sorry, I know, you said that you don’t kill children, but,” she inhaled. “I loved his son, so much.” He nods in understanding. “I’ve been concerned about him.”

“That’s alright.” Luca studied her before stating. “He wants to talk to you.”

“Charlie?” 

“Thomas Shelby.” 

Kate went stiff. She hadn’t been expecting that. She exhaled and asked. “Do you know why?”

“He seemed…pretty concerned for your welfare. Said if I didn’t put you on a phone that he’d get the police involved.” She exhaled and rubbed her eyes. “I told him, I’d let you know but that you didn’t want to talk to him”

she paused and looked up at him. “That was a bit bold of you to assume.”

He held her gaze and asked. “Am I wrong?”

“No.” She begrudgingly admitted before sighing as she wiped her hands. “I’ll call him.”

“Not here.” Luca said. “Get in the car, we’ll get on the train to Hereford.”

“Train?” She blinked. “Hereford? That’s nearly an hour away.”

“Yes, but a man like Shelby has people monitoring and tracking the calls. I don’t want to lead him back to you.” He studied her. “Unless you want to go back to him.”

She snorts and brushes the dirt off her apron before untying it. “I certain do not. But,” she exhaled. “I’ll have a word with him, let him know that I’m not being held hostage.”

“He did say you could write a note.”

Kate snorted. “Yeah, sure. I know him, unless he hears my voice, he won’t believe it. Do I have time to change before getting on the train?” 

He nods. “Yeah, train doesn’t leave for an hour.”

She frowned. “Then why are you here?”

“Didn’t want you to rush.” He said as he reached into his pocket for a toothpick. “Figured I’d give you time.”

She shook her head. “You’re a very strange man.”

“So, I’ve been told.” He mused, with a smirk on his face. She didn’t like that smirk on his face. Thomas, it was just being a jerk, but when Luca smirked, it was almost as if he knew something that she didn’t know. She didn’t like not knowing secrets, it put her on edge.

She went inside and washed her face and hands first. Regardless of Luca saying to take his time, she knew better than to keep any man in his profession waiting for a long period of time. Kate reached into her closet and pulled out the first dress that her hand touched. Fortunately, she had a ton of money, so she bought a few simple day dresses. They were more her taste, simple, yet elegant. Yes, she loved all the couture clothing that Tommy bought her, but she always preferred simple down to earth styles. Kate put on the dress, grabbed her black purse, made sure her newly purchased derringer was inside, some money and then she went outside. 

When she opened the door, Luca turned around to see her and she could have sworn that he checked her out top to bottom. She frowned. “What?”

“Nothing.” He shrugged as he twirled the toothpick in his mouth. “Nice dress.”

She frowned and looked down at it. “It’s nothing special.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s a nice shade, makes your hair look a little bit more red.” Ok, that was random and she didn’t know what to say. “Ah, I’m making you nervous, just meant to say,” he shrugged casually. “you look nice.”

Kate wasn’t sure if he wanted anything from her, but her guard was still up. “Thank you.”

He nods and Kate moves through the open gate. Luca’s brought his car and the driver is already waiting. Her guard, was also in the front seat with the driver. She reached for the door, only to have another hand fold over hers. Kate pulls back and Luca glances at her. He doesn’t say anything to her, but his eyes do. He opens the car door and gestures for her to get in. She does and he waits patiently for her to get inside the car. She did and she tucked her legs in. As he shut the door, she realized that this dress was a little bit shorter than normal. It had fit her and she hadn’t even bothered to observe the length. Now, she realized that when she sat down, it was riding above her knees. No adjustment could bring it to her knees. Luca got in the car and directed the driver to the train station. She put her purse on her knees and prayed that there was nothing on the line because she wanted to get back to the cottage as soon as possible.

---

She was uncomfortable. He could see that in the way that she kept playing with her skirt, or rather, trying to tug it down. Clearly, it was a new dress, but she hadn’t noticed how short it was until now. She’d fidgeted in the car, but now that she was on a train with him, she was even more uncomfortable. Mateo kept glancing at her legs, which made her even more uneasy. He’d given Mateo several glares, but this Kate, Katherine, was a very beautiful woman. He himself had a hard time keeping his eyes off her, but he’d had enough of this. 

He stood up and removed his coat. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, but kept her gaze on the floor. “Here.” She looked up at him, slightly confused. He glanced towards her legs. “This might help.”

She flushed, but was grateful. “Thank you.” She smiled at him as she took the coat. He stood slightly in front of her so she could tuck his coat around her leg. He shot Mateo another look and shook his head.

Eyes on the paper. He said in Italian. Mateo immediately began reading the paper. Katherine, let out a yawn, which she covered with her hand. He sat down and said. “Get some sleep. I’ll wake you when we get there.”

She opened her mouth to protest, but decided against it. “Alright.” She put her head back and closed her eyes.

She looked, so beautiful lying like that with her eyes closed. He’d thought she was beautiful the first moment he saw her in Shelby’s garden. All he’d originally thought was that he’d make sure she was alright before departing. The moment he held her close and that perfume of hers filled his nose, he wanted her from the moment he’d seen her. The talk, while it was seemingly small at the time, told him everything that he needed to know about her now. That she was honest, that she wasn’t happy in her marriage and she wanted to be free. Had he known that Shelby was her husband, he’d have probably shot him much sooner. 

He couldn’t understand it. What was it about this Lizzie stark that had Angelo, John and Thomas Shelby all fawning over her? The woman was a whore. What kind of man wanted to marry a whore? This Katherine, she was beautiful, not just in the face, but in the heart, he could see it. He’d seen it in her eyes, there was so much longing inside her. She was different from all the other women that had been in this life. She was pure. Yes, she’d been married twice, but, any fool looking at her could see that she was pure down to her heart. She was good and kind, the kind of woman that a man’d have to look far and wide to find. This was the first time he’d cursed his circumstances that led him to America. He could have been here in England. Yes, he hated this horrible place, but, it was better now, somehow.

She asleep? Mateo asked.

He glanced at her. I think so. Let’s not wake her up.

Mateo glanced at him and then asked. Can we trust her? She is married to Thomas Shelby.

Oh, that annoyed him. We can trust her. She is not a threat. She wants to get away from him, go to America.

With you? Mateo asks. Luca doesn’t answer. I saw the way you looked at her. She’s scared of everything, you couldn’t touch her. Probably why Shelby was sleeping with his secretary.

Luca shot him a glower. Then he should have moved slower with her then! Mateo opened his mouth, but Luca cut him off. You will say no more about this. Mama agreed with me. She needs help. With Sabini and Shelby after her, she is not safe.

Mateo exhales. I hope you know what you’re doing. Remember, wars are often lost due to women.

Eh, depends on the woman. Some wars are worth losing. 

Katherine let out a little moan and turned a little. Her head landed on his shoulder. He glanced at her and then wrapped his arm around her. She let out a faint whimper. What little he knew of her, was probably enough to fill her head with nightmares. He exhaled and kissed her forehead. You’re safe. You may not know it yet, but you are. No one’ll hurt you again.

He made a note to figure out at what point in this vendetta was a good time to kill Sabini. If she was ever going to be free, she needed to have no one following her. He’d take care of Sabini first and then, he’d take care of Shelby. Both of her tormentors would be dead. He didn’t think that she’d come to him, but that was alright. All things considered, a romance between them would be impossible. But he hadn’t seen her laugh or smile, a genuine laugh or smile. It was all sarcastic or forced. She wasn’t happy and it was a crime that she wasn’t happy after all these years. He wanted to make her happy, but his honor prevented him from doing that. His father had warned him years ago about the heart interfering when it came to honor. If he was true to his father’s standards about honor, he’d have added Katherine Shelby to the vendetta. Then she’d looked at him, with those piercing green eyes and his heart gave in.

F**k honor and rules and tradition; he wanted her.

---

Chapter 64: Talk on the train

Kate moaned as she stirred. “Katherine?” A voice from far away called to her. “Katherine?” There was a hand in her hair, gently stroking her head. “If you can hear me, picciona, you need to wake up.” She did hear him. He was Italian. Kate’s eyes flew open and she found herself staring into the green eyes of Luca Changretta. For a moment, she couldn’t move, his arm was around her shoulder and his hand was in her hair. “There you go.”

Before she could move, Luca hefted her upright. Kate gasped and flamed red in embarrassment as she realized that she fell asleep  on his shoulder! She must have had him pinned against the window. “I-I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.” He said. “You were tired. You needed to sleep.”

“I-I mean, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep---

“It was alright.” He assured her before stating. “I hope you don’t mind I put my arm around you. I didn’t want you to fall.”

She stared at him. It was nearly an hour trip by train. “You…held onto me the whole time?”

“Yes.” He said. “You’ve a nice face. Be a shame if you fell, landed on the ground, broke your nose and,” he gestured towards his nose. “you woke up looking like this.”

Against her will, Kate let out a brief laugh. “Thank you, but really, Mr. Changretta. There is nothing wrong with your nose.”

“You sure about that?” he asks, turning to the side. 

Kate has to admit, it is a little on the large side, but it works well with his face. She nods. “Nothing with the nose. It’s the hair, I think.”

He arches a brow and turns to her. “What’s wrong with my hair??

“It’s too flat, makes you look older than you are.”

“Ah,” he nods. “yeah, there’s a reason for that.”

“An intimidation tactic,” she states. “yes, I know.”

He smirks faintly at her as he reached into his pocket for a toothpick. “Yeah.” He studied her before asking. “What was your name, before you married Sabini?”

“Kovach.”

“Katherine Kovach.” He said, rolling it off his tongue as if it were something sweet that he was savoring. “Middle name?”

“Anne. Why?”

“Just curious.”

Kate shakes her head and laughs. “I’m not very interesting Mr. Changretta.”

“I disagree.” He said directly. “I find you interesting.” Kate turned and stared at him. “I’m serious. You were married to Sabini, then Shelby. I’m curious about what kind of woman manages to stay married to two cutthroat gangsters.”

“But I killed one.” She reminded him.

He shrugged and leaned back. “Well, can’t say he didn’t deserve it.” 

Kate doesn’t understand this. He’s acting as if there’s nothing going on, even though he’s Thomas’s sworn enemy. He’s acting like they’re just two strangers on a train and that she has no ties to the vendetta. She decides to try asking him some questions, to see if he’ll be open with her. “And you? Do you have a middle name?”

He nods. “Nostriano.”

She blinks. “Ok, that’s a mouthful. Luca…Nostriano, Changretta.”

“Good pronunciation. Do you speak Italian?”

“No, but…I had it yelled at me on occasion.”

“Sabini.” It wasn’t a question. He stated it as if it was a complete fact to him. He glanced at her. She thought he was going to ask her, but instead, he changed the subject. “How’s the cottage? It work for you?”

she nods. “Yes. I’ve been doing some work on it.”

“That’s good. It needs it.” He twirled the toothpick in his fingers. “Do you have enough money?” she nodded. “Keep the receipts for the housework, paint and stuff like that. My mother says that it’s been empty for years and she’s ready to sell.”

Kate frowns. “Is she sure? It’s a lovely house.”

“I haven’t been inside for years, so, I’ll take your word for it. But,” he exhales. “my Mama is alone now. There’s nothing for her here. She stays until my business is settled and then, I’m taking her back home to Italy.”

She lets out a yawn before asking. “You’re not returning to America?”

“No.” He shakes his head as he rubs his jaw. “She doesn’t like America. I am all she has left, so, I’m going to take care of her.”

Kate blinks. “That’s very…kind of you.”

“Kind has nothing to do with it. She’s my mother. She lost her whole family, I’m all she has left.”

“I know, it’s just…I can’t see anyone in your line of work, relocating just to make their mother happy.”

“We’re not all the same. And I love my mother, I want to take care of her.”

“That’s good.” At that moment, Mateo came back and she shifted a little. She didn’t like Mateo. Luca conversed in Italian with him for a moment. She didn’t know what it was, but Mateo was annoyed and Luca was very firm with him. Mateo then left the carriage and went off in a huff. She paused before asking. “Where’s he gone?”

“I told him, to go find your guard and stay there till the train pulls into the station.” She nodded. She can feel Luca watching her. “It bothers you, when I speak in Italian.”

“A little.” She hesitated before adding. “It’s…nothing against you. George, would, sometimes give orders in Italian, so, I wouldn’t know what was coming. He’d---

“You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t want to.” He said as he scooted towards her. “I know, that…someone should have stepped in and took out Sabini for putting his hands on you like that.” No one, had ever told her that she didn’t have to talk about it. In truth, she’d been pushed to talk about it so much that, she’d grown used to speaking about it. “If you want to, I’ll listen, but, if you’re not comfortable talking about it…you don’t have to.”

She hesitated before stating. “My father did ask for help from Shelby, Solomons and others. No one, would help.”

Luca placed his hand on the back of the booth. “Did he ask my father?”

She shook her head. “Father decided to avoid any Italians because of blood ties.”

“Yes, that would have been smart, but,” he smirks. “my father, met my mother when her fiancé, tried to force himself on her. My father, beat the man enough to send him to the hospital and then walked my mother home. So, he always had a rule about protecting women, he’d have protected you.”

She didn’t want to talk about that. “What happened after your father walked your mother home?”

“He called on her the next to see how she was and they talked for hours. Mama said by the time dinner came, she was in love with my father and he formally requested her hand in marriage before leaving.”

Kate blinks in surprise. “Within 24 hours of meeting?”

“They said they knew right away.” He says with that smirk again. “Her parent’s objected, but she accepted. They were engaged a few months before marrying.”

Kate smiled. “That was certainly romantic, how long were they married?”

“Thirty-five years.” He glanced at her. “How long were your parents married?”

“One year.” She shook her head. “They met at a dance, courted for six months and then married. Unlike your parents, it wasn’t a love match. My father spent his entire life, in love with another woman who he didn’t get to see until a month before he died. He married my mother for her money.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t be.” She exhaled. “Seems like the women in my family have been doomed to find ourselves married to men who don’t love us.”

He studied her pensively before stating. “Maybe, your next marriage will be a happy one.”

“If I chose to get married again.”

“Depends on the man,” he said slowly. “a woman like you, with integrity and value deserves to be loved and loved well.” For some reason, Kate felt as if a spider had crawled up her back. “He’ll find you when it’s time.”

Kate hesitated for a long time, then she confessed. “I think…I let him go.”

“Who? Shelby?”

“No.” The train began to pull into the station. “I don’t know who he was.” Luca stood up, as did she. He grabbed his bag and she handed him his coat. “Thank you.”

He nodded at her and pulled his coat on. He then opened the door for her and they began to walk to the end of the car. “How’d the two of you meet?”

Kate laughs as her ears heat. “I don’t know why I’m even telling you this!”

“Because we’re talking about love. And you don’t have to think I’m trying to get information about Shelby, so, it’s good.” She smiled, he was a bit of a romantic at heart, she could see that when he talked about his parents. “Besides, after Shelby and Sabini, you should have a little romance in your life. Keeps a woman young. How’d the two of you meet?”

she shook her head before admitting. “At a party, Halloween. I was in the garden after having an argument with Mr. Shelby. Our paths crossed.”

“Ah,” he sounded far too amused for his own good. “you had an affair?”

“No, I wouldn’t, not while I’m married. It was…more emotional.” She admitted. “It had been a long time, nearly 10 years since a man had indicated that he was attracted to me. It was nice to be appreciated like that again, if only for fifteen minutes.”

“Fifteen minutes isn’t time for much.”

“No, but, he was able to kiss me before Mr. Shelby showed up and he had to run for his life.”

“Run for his life, eh?” he chuckled. “Hope the kiss was a good one at least.”

Kate bit her lip. “Let’s just say, Mr. Shelby is a very territorial man. He came to my room that night with the sole purpose of making sure I remembered that I was his wife and belonged to no one else.”

“Did he hurt you?” Luca asked as he turned around and offered her his hand so she could descend the train steps safely.
“No.” He guided her across the platform to the street. “And despite his attempts, he wasn’t able to make me forget him.”

“That’s good, picciona.”

“Stop calling me a parrot.” She stated as they got to the street when Mateo and the other man were hailing a taxi.

“No, I called you ‘picciona’, which means pigeon.” He adds in a lower voice. “You make, sounds in your sleep, like a pigeon.”

Kate shakes her head. “You’re ridiculous.”

“So you've said.” The taxi pulled up and Luca went to get her door. “One question, if Shelby hadn’t showed up and that man had asked you to run away with him---

“He wouldn’t have!” Kate said with a laugh.

“One never knows, if he asked you…would you have gone with him?”

she shook her head. “No. Mr. Shelby would have killed him and I don’t want that on my head. Besides, I don’t even know his name and he doesn’t know mine. But that’s alright, I can live on those fifteen minutes for a good fifteen years. I doubt we’ll ever see each other again.”

“Who knows.” He said as he leaned on the door, twirling that toothpick of his. “As my Mama says, “If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.”

She nods. “Your mother sounds like a very wise woman.”

“That she is. I’ll see if she can come visit, take you out for tea or something.”

Kate opened her mouth to object, but he closed the taxi door before she could. At this point, warning bells were starting to go off in her head. Something was amiss and it was starting to feel too inappropriate. It was wrong and this kind of conversation had to stop. Yes, Mr. Changretta was charming and while he was playing by the rules of the vendetta, she was married and he was going to try and kill her husband. However, a part of her knew that Thomas would most likely kill Luca, so, forming any kind of attachment would only bring pain. So, from here on out, she resolved to keep things on a business-like manner, nothing personal. Tea with his mother wouldn’t be happening, nor would any of this light and casual conversation. Because while it all seemed harmless enough, Kate had a feeling that he was going to ruin her life somehow.

Chapter 65: I miss you, I'm sorry

Luca kept glancing around as they drove around Hereford. Finally, he said, “Pull over there. By the park.” The driver nodded and pulled over. She went to open her door and get out, but Luca said firmly. “Hands off the door.” She turned towards him as he got out of the taxi. He hurried around and opened the door for her! She stared at him. “Come on.”

Kate was stunned, but she got out of the car. “Thank you, but, I can---

“I know you can.” He said patiently. “But you’re a lady and it’s a sign of respect. Shelby may not get doors for you, but I was raised to get doors. While you’re in my charge, I will get the doors for you. When you’re on your way to America, then you can open the doors for yourself.” He nodded towards the phone. “There you go.” She moved towards the phone, her purse in hand. “We’ll be down on the bench there.”

She spun around. “You’re not going to listen to me on the phone?”

“Do you want me to?” He asked. “Might get cramped in that phone booth.” She sighed and shook her head. God, he always had a crack on hand. “Make your call. Just, don’t tell him where you are.”

“I won’t.”

She moved towards the phone. “Hold on.” Luca said as he opened the phone box and stepped inside. He directed the operator to call Thomas’s office. He nodded at her. “Gonna talk to him first, if that’s alright.”

She nods. “I guess so.’

“Hello?” Luca nodded. “Yeah, she’s here. But before I hand over the phone…I’d like her clothes delivered to where Angel’s restaurant used to be.” Kate blinked and stared at him. Why was he speaking up for her? “Shelby, she needs her things. Just pack it up and have it delivered there.” He exhaled and mumbled in Italian. Kate inhaled and stepped closer to him. He glanced at her. “She’s right here. Yeah, Shelby.” He handed her the phone. “He’s not delivering your things for you.”

She nods. “I’ll be fine. I can handle him.”

“Alright.” He stepped out of the booth and started to close the door. “Just remember,” she turned towards him. “you deserve to be happy. If it’s you don’t find it with him, it’s not a crime.”

And with that, he shut the door. Kate was stunned as she watched him walk twenty steps away from her to sit down on the bench. His two guys were smoking, he, however, pulled out a stick of gum and began to chew it. She was distracted. She shook her head and picked up the phone. “Hello?” there was silence. “Are you there?”

Kate? Is it you? It was Thomas. Luca was right. He was worried. She’d never heard him this concerned for her before. 

“Yes,” she inhaled. “it’s me, Mr. Shelby---

are you alright? The words just burst out of him, causing her to frown. Are you hurt?

“No, I’m fine.” Kate said. “Mr. Changretta has made sure I’m alright. I haven’t been hurt.”

Are you sure? I heard you needed a doctor.

“It wasn’t because of him. He dealt with the man responsible for hurting me and there’s been no problems since.”

He exhaled. He said that you didn’t want to talk to me. 

She inhaled. “I didn’t, but…I’ve had time to think and, we do need to talk, Mr. Shelby.” There’s a long pause. “And before you ask, I’m in a public box. He’s sitting on a bench talking with his men. I’m free to talk without anyone hearing anything besides the operator.”

Then I can help you. His voice picked up with excitement. Do you know where you are? I can send my men there and we can come get you, bring you back home.

“Yes, I do know where I am,” she inhaled before confessing. “but I’m not going to tell you.” 

There was a long silence. What? Why the hell not Kate?

She inhaled deeply. “First, I’m going to tell you the same thing that I told him. You and Polly both saved my life, I am in your debt. I told him, I am not going to betray you or any of your family. He, however, is offering me help and sanctuary until I can get out of England safely. I will not tell you anything about him or what he is doing. This vendetta, is between the two of you. It started before we even married. Mr. Changretta is leaving me out of it and I am not getting dragged into it by you. It’s between both of you."

there’s a long pause, then he asked her. are you taking his side?

“I’m taking no one’s side.” She said firmly. “I am not involved in this and don’t wish to be.”

Well, you are involved in it because you’re my wife!

She let out a sharp sound. “I’m your wife?”

Yes! You are my wife Kate! He declared. And I want you to come back home.

His words caused Kate lost her mind. “Why is it every time you need something from me, that I become your wife?? What is that, Mr. Shelby? If you want to f**k me, I’m your wife! But we both know that deep down that you think of me as just another body to f**k. I’m your wife, I’m supposed to help you raise your son. But he can’t call me ‘Mommy’ I’m supposed to make it clear to him that I’m not his mother! Keep a clear line drawn between the two of us and make sure he doesn’t step over it.”

Kate---

The words just couldn’t stop coming out. “I’m your wife, but if I do anything that shows that I care for you, you’ll go sleep with your secretary! Not only that, you’ll do it in the house and you’ll do it right in front of me without an ounce of shame! I’m not a wife. I’m someone that you bought for the price of a ring!”

Kate---

“If another man kisses or touches me, you will damn well make sure to put me in my place and remind me that I’m your wife, your personal property! You, however, can f**k every woman that you want. I, am expected to just shut up and allow it because I’ve failed to satisfy you properly!"

You haven’t failed me Kate! He half-shouts in the phone. I’ve failed you! She stared at the phone for shock. He groans. F**king hell Kate, listen to me for a moment. I know, I’ve been an awful husband to you, but I want all that to change. I’ve changed and I want you back!

“Why,” she asked him plainly. “would I want to come back to you Thomas?”

he lets out an exhale. Kate, we’re married. We're a family, there are feelings.

“I am well aware of that fact Thomas,” she declared. “but, I don’t see a reason to come back to you. You need to tell me why I should come back to you!”

God, he declared. You drive me insane!

“I drive you insane?” she declares. “When John died, you turned to me for comfort and I gave it to you as a ‘good wife’ should. Only to come downstairs and see that not only you, but your whole family except for Linda have put Lizzie on a pedestal without even acknowledging me as your wife!”

Kate---

“But that’s not the problem. You know it’s not!” she inhaled. “I have taken insult after insult from you and your family. When I heard that Sabini was in contact with you, that was the final straw for me. I heard that he gave you an offer that you put before the family. He wanted me, in exchange for fighting against Changretta. And you told him that you were considering it!”

it was a bluff, Kate! He half-shouted. While her heart was glad to hear those words, her head was warning her to be careful. I would have never, ever, given him over to you. I had a plan to make him think that I was going to give you to him, so I could take out Changretta’s men. You’re my wife Kate, and I’d never put you in harm like that. We shared a blood vow! I gave you my word that I’d always protect you! F**k! You have no idea how much I've f**king missed you!

His words were compelling, but she had to ask him this question. “I am glad to hear that, but I need to know this. If Sabini had said that he wanted Grace, would you have even brought that offer to the family table?” he went quiet, for a moment, all she could hear was his breathing. “I think we both know the answer to that one.”

He exhaled as he admitted reluctantly. No, I wouldn’t have. But things will be different from here on out Kate.

She shook her head. “I don’t believe you. I know, that you miss me, I've missed you too on times, but I've had time to think and breathe. I've thought about this long before you even told Changretta you wanted to talk to me. I’ve been telling you, for so long that I am not part of your family. I have tried, fitting in,” tears started pouring down her cheeks. “I have tried, to make you happy. I even wanted to love you, but I have come to realize that, things can’t be forced, especially love. We were forced to marry and forced to try to make a family and a life together. But we can’t, it’s no good. I am tired of this. I am tired of treated like this and I am, so tired of being miserable. You don’t believe in divorce, so I know, that I am stuck married to you for the rest of my days.” She wiped her eyes as she said. “But I don’t have to spend them with you. I am leaving you and Mr. Changretta is helping me get out of here with a whole new identity, start a new life on my own.”

Kate, he shouted into the phone. I love you! Her entire body froze at those words. Kate felt herself growing lightheaded as he shouted again. Kate, I love you and I want you to come home to me. She couldn’t answer him for a good minute. She was just stunned. Her head was spinning, her stomach was churning. I am sorry! I know, things went wrong and it’s been my fault mostly. I wasn’t ready for love, I wasn’t ready to love you, but I am now. When I lost you, I swear to God, that I thought my entire f**king world had come to an end! He inhaled deeply. Kate, come back to me and I swear, that I will do right by you this time. I’ll even fire Lizzie if you want! Just, come back to me and we'll try again. 

Kate was silent, she evaluated her feelings. She hadn’t expected to hear that today. When she searched her heart, it told her what she’d known the moment she’d come down to see him taking Lizzie on his desk. That love was gone. It probably hadn’t been real. if it had, she'd have given him a different answer.

She inhaled as she said softly. “I have always been honest with you and…I’m going to be honest now, even if it hurts you. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to hurt you, not when you’ve taken care of me so much.” 

Kate.

“I don’t love you anymore.” She said honestly. The phone went silent. “I told you before that…you did too good a job with Lizzie. You killed, all the feelings I had for you.” Tears poured down her cheeks. “I-I’m sorry. You hurt me too much.”

Kate---

“I want a divorce.” She said quietly. “I want to go, to be free to be myself for a while. I’ve let people tell me what to do for so long. I want to do what I want for myself. I’ve enjoyed this freedom and I don’t want to be married to you anymore. We both need to let each other go.” 

I can’t let you go Kate. He said lowly. Once this thing with Changretta is over, I’m coming after you and we’ll talk in person. Things like this, never sound right over the phone. I don’t care, if it takes me two f**king years to find you, I will. And I will prove to you that we belong together.

She shakes her head. “That’s not love. That’s a threat.”

It’s a promise. Not a threat.

“There’s not much of a difference when it comes to you.” The tears pour down her cheeks. “I won’t call you again. Goodbye.”

Kate, don’t hang up!

But she did. And when she did…it was over. She felt it. Her marriage, every connection with Thomas Shelby, it was severed. She closed her eyes and just cried as she ended that chapter of her life.

---

This, was an interesting conversation. He couldn’t hear what was being said, but he could see it was intense. She’d started off confidentially. Then, she got angry, even hitting the glass of the phone booth, scaring the bird on the top. She had a temper, that was good. She settled down for a moment, but her head started to drop as she started to cry. He nearly went over there and yanked the door open to yell at Shelby. Then, something shocked the hell out of her because she froze and she had to grab ahold of the glass to stand upright. Her whole face had gone white, like she was about to be sick.

That, got him to his feet. Even Mateo, who’d been skeptical that there was bad blood between her and Shelby, now believed him. She really did need help; he’d known it in the garden. Calogero, who’d he’d tasked with guarding her had gotten to his feet at the same time. In the end, Katherine hung up the phone, both hands on the glass and just cried.

He allowed that for a minute, then he headed towards the booth and knocked on it. She whipped around and looked at him with the same tearstained face that he’d seen the first time he saw her. He opened the door, but didn’t walk into the booth. He had so many things that he wanted to say to her, but instead he offered her and handkerchief. She never had one on her when she needed one.

She nodded her thanks at him as she tried to get her cries under control. He waited a good two minutes before asking her. “Can I hold you?” She looked up at him, clearly surprised as he held his hands out, offering her comfort. “Is this alright?” 

He held his breath, waiting for her. She let out another cry into his handkerchief and stepped into his arms just like she did that night in the garden. He exhaled as he wrapped his arms around her and held onto hers. She was his. She didn’t know it now. But she’d known it just as she had that night in the garden, she’d felt it in those brief fifteen minutes that had completely altered his mind. He’d gone there just to confirm that it was indeed Thomas Shelby’s address and get a layout of the house. She was a jewel, discarded by Shelby and left for him to find. He’d found her, he had her, now all he had to do was wait for her to shine for herself. He didn't care if took as long as twenty years, he'd wait for her. 

Chapter 66: The general

Comfort. That was the last thing that she’d expected to feel from Luca Changretta the day her marriage ended. It was strange, not because he was Thomas’s enemy, but because he felt familiar somehow. Luca Changretta, he wasn’t anything like Thomas Shelby had described. He wasn’t like anyone that she’d ever met before. When he’d asked her if he could touch her, that had made her cry harder. She was always told that she was going to be touched, whether she wanted it or not. Never before had she been asked and that had added another wave of emotions to her fragile heart.

After crying, she wiped her eyes with his soaked handkerchief. “Here,” he reached into his pocket and handed her another. “think you need this one as well.”

She laughed as she accepted the handkerchief. “Thank you. I-I’m always forgetting mine.” He took his first one and she shook her head. “No, I can clean---

“Don’t worry about it.” He assured her. “I’ve got plenty.”

She sniffled and dried her eyes. “I’m sorry about that.”

He shrugged it off easy enough. “Don’t worry about that.” Once her face was presentable, he took the handkerchief back. He studied her for a moment, and then he jerked his head towards the park. “Come on.”

She blinked. “Come on…where?”

“I’m taking you for a walk.”

She stared at him. “What?”

“Come on. It’s a nice day out.” He said. “We’ll go back on a later train.”

“Thank you, but,” she exhales. “I don’t feel like talking.”

“That’s alright.” He said. “You don’t have to talk.” He guided her towards the park and nodded. “Go on. Feed the ducks or something.”

“But---

“If I bring you back, you’ll just go to your room and cry. The park is empty, get some air, walk, no one’ll bother you. Take some time for yourself. Get some air.” She opened her mouth to protest, but he shook his head. “I already sent my men off, told them we’d meet back here at 5:30.” She looked around, she hadn’t realized that she’d been so upset that she hadn’t noticed his men had left. He studied her. “I can wait here until you get back, if you’d like.”

She shook her head. “No, you can come. But, I won’t be good company.”

“That’s alright.” And with that, he stuck his hands in his pockets and they were for a walk through the park. Luca, was different from any man that she’d known. He was quiet and sensitive. She appreciated that. He didn’t put pressure on her. He knew that she’d been through a tough time and he kept his hands respectful. It was nice. They walked along in silence through the park.

She’d started to remember her relationship with Thomas, the good and the bad parts. The one thing that started to pop out at her was the sex. How in the beginning, it had been so questionable. He’d pushed her a little fast before she was ready, particularly when he gave her an orgasm for the first time. She hadn’t been ready and he told her to be ready that night because it was going to happen. He gave her time to prepare mentally, but he’d done that anyway. She was scared, he’d enjoyed it. The first time they had sex, he hadn’t prepared her fully in his eagerness to get inside her. She hadn’t seen it then. It had hurt her because it had all been about him that night. 

It was always about him. Her entire relationship was always about him. She put her needs above him. She’d been raped, violated and tortured, but she’d been forced to conquer those feelings because he wanted another child. He protected her, but at times, his protection wasn’t the best, at least when it came to her feelings. He’d protect her physically, but her feelings weren’t protected. She realized now as she thought back on it, the only reason why he’d started kissing her was because she was about to tell him no. The kiss served as a distraction from her wishes so she’d cater to his. The moment she developed feelings for him, he’d killed them. It was as if feelings were a weakness and they weren’t tolerated in his house. 

Now, he said he loved her. God, if he had figured this out months ago…she’d have been so happy. She’d have loved him so much; she’d have loved him to the point where he couldn’t believe that someone could love him that much. But now, his declaration just seemed like ashes in a fire that had burned out. Yes, she wasn’t supposed to love him, but she had fallen in love with him. Her declaration had angered him. His had meant nothing. Now, he wanted to love her but it was way too late. Her heart had been broken; she’d pasted it back together and moved on in her life without him. Yes, he’d been there, but he wasn’t really there. He was just someone who had plans for her future and she followed them.

She and Luca walked around the park twice, when they passed the gate, he used one finger to gently guide her out of the park. They walked down the street in complete silence. True to his word, he didn’t say a word to her. As if he knew that if she wished to confide in him, she would. She wouldn’t, but it was nice to have someone there for her that didn’t judge her as a failure.

“Wanna watch a movie?” 

“Whoa!” Kate jumped at the suddenness of his voice. She exhaled and looked up at him, a hand on her chest. He wore a semi-amused facial expression. “You…scared me.”

“I noticed.” He gestured to the marquee over her head. “Would you like to watch a movie?”

“Uhm, a movie?” She looked up at the posters and all, confused for a moment. “I-I don’t know.”

“Who’s your favorite actor?” he inquired.

“Uhm,” she hesitated before admitting. “I don’t know.”

“What, you never been to the movies?” she hadn’t been. God, there was so much that she hadn’t done. Luca, she felt him sober as he realized that she hadn’t been to a movie. “You serious?”

She hesitated before admitting. “I never had an occasion to see a movie.”

“Alright, come on.” He said as he nudged her gently to the box office. “My treat.”

“I-I wouldn’t know where to begin.”

“Well,” he said. “you’re in luck. There’s a Buster Keaton movie playing. The General. It’ll be funny.”

“You’ve seen it before?”

“No.”

She frowned. “Then how do you know it’s funny?”

He arched a brow. “It’s Buster Keaton. It’s always funny.” She wasn’t sure if she felt like a funny movie, but why not? She couldn’t cry all day. She fell in line with Luca and stayed behind him until it was their turn. He stepped forward. “Two tickets for the general.”

“That’ll be two shillings.” Luca nods and counts out the amount. The girl behind the counter studied him. “Where you from? You don’t sound like you’re from around here.” 

Kate felt Luca stiffen and she knew it was because of his accent. The Italian’s and Irish always got a particularly hard knock in England. Luca lets out a low exhale through his teeth. Kate placed her hand on his arm and stepped forward. “I’d like to speak to the manager.”

The lady blinked in surprise. “E-excuse me?”

“I’m willing to bet that you haven’t worked here for very long. But you should know, your job is to sell tickets, not inquire into our business. Now,” she said firmly. “you can either give us our tickets so we can watch the movie, or, you can go get the manager and believe me, he will fire you by the time I’m done talking to both of you!” The lady just stared at her in surprise and Kate snapped. “The tickets! Now!”

The lady scrambled to give them the tickets, Luca placed the money on the counter and she could feel him staring at her. She didn’t want to look at him. She didn’t want to know what he thought of her. He probably did not want to make a scene in the first place and she’d drawn attention to them. She had gone off a bit on the ticket girl, but she couldn’t stand bigotry. Luca guided her towards the theater, all the while just using one finger on her elbow. Once they were inside the theater, he said, “That…was f**king amazing.” Kate blushed and covered her face. “Hey,” he said as he turned towards her. “it’s alright.”

“I’m sorry.” She stammered. “I- didn’t mean to do go off like that.”

“Look at me,” she shook her head. “come on.” he encouraged gently. He placed a finger under her chin and gently tilted her up towards him. Kate inhaled sharply as she found those green eyes of his inches away from hers. “Thank you.” She flushed. “No other girl would have done such a thing.”

“She was being horrid.”

“Yeah,” he inhaled. “you, it was a nice thing you did. And just for that,” he removed his finger from her chin and ran it up under her nose in a playful manner, causing her to laugh. “I’ll buy you a bag of popcorn too.”

“Popcorn?”

He groaned and muttered, possibly swore in Italian before asking. “Christ, you not been out of the house in 10 years?”

“5," she said dryly. "but, who’s counting?” 

“I am.” He stated as he guided her over to the concession stand. “Do you want popcorn?”

She smelled it and shook her head. “It smells burned.”

He chuckles. “We’ll share a bag.” He nodded to the girl back there. “1 medium popcorn.” He glanced at her and gestured towards the other goodies. There was a lot to chose from, but she didn’t want to keep him waiting. She did like gummi bears, so she grabbed a box of them. She eyed the colorful sodas for a minute before placing her box on the counter. “This is fine.”

She reached into her purse and he shook his head. “Put that away.”

“But---

“My treat, I’m paying.”

“But you already bought the tickets.” She pointed out. "I can by my own candy."

He ignores her and nods at the girl behind the counter. “She’ll take a soda as well.”

Kate stared at him in surprise. “What flavor?” the girl asked.

Luca looked to her and she said. “I'm going to let you guess.”

He studied her a moment and said. “She’ll take the peach.”

Kate arched a brow. “Interesting choice. Why peach?”

“Based on your candy, you like fruit flavors, that leaves half the soda flavors out. You already have strawberry and cherry, but they’re out of grape, so that left peach.” He nodded at the girl. “I’ll have a root beer as well.” 

As he fished out his wallet, she said. “I really don’t mind paying.”

“No. You haven’t been to a movie before. It’s my treat.” He nods. “Just get your soda and candy. Then, let’s get in before they fill up.”

She shook her head. “Alright.”

Despite, her general reluctance, a movie did seem like a good idea. She followed behind Luca and he picked a good seat in the middle. However, he didn’t sit beside her. He put his coat and hat on the chair between them, so she could have some space to herself. She smiled at him as they sat back and began to watch the commercials. They weren’t together or anything, but it was nice to have him there.

And he was right, the peach soda was delicious

Chapter 67: Animals

Kate let out a particularly loud and unladylike laugh as Buster Keaton threw wood at the misfiring cannon that was chasing the train. Luca had been right. The movie was a wanted distraction. Buster Keaton was a master of comedy, even though the movie was silent, his facial expressions were so expressive. It was cool inside the Movie Theater and Luca was right to get in early so they could get their pick of the seats 

She held the gummi bears up to the light so she could see the colors. She could feel Luca looking at her, but he didn’t ask her what she was doing. They were halfway through the movie before he couldn’t take it anymore and asked her lowly. “What are you doing?” 

She leaned towards him and whispers. “I don’t like the pineapple or lemon.” He looks confused. “I only like the strawberry, orange and raspberry.”

He nods and holds his hand out. “I’ll take them.”

She hesitates. “You don’t have to eat them.”

“I like lemon, don’t know about pineapple.”

She shakes her head and smiles at him. “Alright.” 

She places the candy in his hand and he picks out one and tries it. She’s momentarily distracted by him instead of Keaton on the screen. She reached for her soda as he chewed one with an unamused face. “You like this stuff?” She nods, fighting a laugh back at his expression as she took a sip of soda. “Tastes like flavored wax.” Kate laughed, causing the soda to come spewing out of her mouth and down the front of her dress. She shook her head at him and looked through her purse for a handkerchief. Luca patted her hand and she looked towards him. “I brought napkins.” Sure enough, he’d grabbed about 15 napkins when she wasn’t looking.

Kate shook her head and smiled at him. “Thank you.”

He nods and then turned back to the movie. She was able to mop up most of the sticky mouthful of soda. She then crumbled up the napkins and put it in her purse. That’s when she felt something on the back of her neck, like wind. She turned around, to see a guy leaning over and attempting to blow in her ear. She shot him a look to discourage him and turned back to the movie. He then flicked popcorn in her face. She exhaled and turned around and hissed. “Stop it.”

He had the audacity to wink at her. Frankly, if he was attractive, she didn’t notice anymore because his obnoxious manners made him look less attractive by the moment. She shook her head and turned back towards the screen. She’d braided her hair because she was working in the garden. Big mistake. The guy gave her hair a tug and she jerked herself upright. Luca, however, had already noticed and was already on his feet. Before she could say a word, Luca grabbed the guy by the tie and yanked him forward so he cracked his head on the back of her seat!

Several people noticed and gasped. Luca leaned forward and warned one of the guy’s friends. “Keep him in line and he won’t lose a hand.” Luca picked up his hat and coat and gestured for her to take his recently vacated seat. “Sit down.” She did with a nod, flushing as everyone stared at them. He muttered angrily. “F**king animals.”

“Luca,” she whispered. “it’s alright. Just sit down.” She patted the seat right next to her and he studied her. “Come on. It’s alright. I don’t think there’ll be anymore trouble.”

He hesitated and then sat down beside her. Kate noted how he sat with his body angled away from her, so as to give her more space. It was nice, being treated like this and she turned back to the movie with a smile on her face. Only this time, it wasn’t Buster Keaton who was responsible for the smile on her face. It was Luca.

---

“What the f**k’s gotten into you?” Arthur asked as Tommy pushed past him, heading towards his office, dead set on drinking himself to death. Well, he was either going to drink himself to death or blow his brains out, but either way he was going to die. “Oi! Tommy!”

“You should go after him Arthur.” Linda said loudly, which attracted Polly and Ada’s attention.

“Shut up, Linda!” he barked, not caring that it would get him in trouble with Arthur. It was a fact that no one in the family liked Linda. She was an annoying b*tch and he had no clue why the f**k Arthur married her. He grabbed phone and called Uncle Charlie. He didn’t even give Charlie a moment to speak before he barked. “Call of all searches for Kate. Get all the men back.”

You got her Tommy? Charlie asked.

“No.” He shook his head. “But she can go to hell!” and with that, he hung up the phone! He went straight and poured himself a glass of whiskey. Arthur came stomping in the room, clearly mad about him telling Linda to shut up. He wasn’t in the mood for this. “F**k off, Arthur.” He said firmly. “I’m warning you. Not tonight.”

“You owe Linda, an apology.” Arthur stated. Thomas ignored him and downed the drink. Arthur stared at him and then he realized that something was wrong. “Tom, what the f**k happened? Is it Kate?”

“Yes, it’s f**king Kate!!” he shouted as his head threatened to explode! There’s too much, too much on his head, his shoulders and his back right now. It’s too much. It’s too f**king much.

“What is it Tommy?” Polly asked as she came into room, concern on her face. “Is she alright? Did Changretta kill her?”

“No!” He shook his head as he laughed dryly, feeling as if he’s on the edge of insanity. “She’s alive.”

“Well, where is she?” Ada asked as she hurried in. “Is she alright?”

“She alive, she’s unharmed and she wouldn’t f**king tell me where she was.”

Polly frowns. “What does that mean?”

“It means,” he slams his glass down on the counter. “that she chose to stay with Changretta.” The whole room went dead silent. “Changretta had her f**king picked up and I don’t know what she did while she was with him, but she is the ONLY one of us, that he has not launched a vendetta against! She chose him, over us! And no, she won't tell us a f**king thing about Changretta!”

Arthur stared at him. “What the---

“He told me specifically today, that she is the only one of us to be spared.”

“Is he holding her prisoner?” Ada asks.

He shakes his head. “No.”

“Are you sure?” Polly asks. He nods. “Changretta could be lying---

“I talked to her on the phone!” he bellowed. “Kate said that Changretta, was hooking her up with a new identity, papers, a whole new life and she was getting out of England. Said she wanted a f**king divorce.”

Everyone looked shocked, except for Linda. “Do you think she’s sleeping with him?” that was Lizzie, she was standing in the doorway taking all of this in. God! He hadn’t thought of that. Kate and Changretta! No, Kate was too timid, to scared of new men. She wouldn’t have let Changretta touch her. “She’s got loads of experience---

“That wasn’t experience,” Ada spat. “Lizzie, she was f**king raped.”

“She’s been with Tommy.” She pointed out. “That’s experience. She could have made a deal with him.”

“No.” Polly shakes her head. “I don’t believe a word of this. This is Kate we’re talking about. She wouldn’t betray us like this, not after all we’ve done for her.”

“Oh,” Linda says. “you really think you lot didn’t betray her first?” everyone looks at Linda in disgust. “We all know that she wasn’t happy here. She was miserable. None of you, especially Thomas, ever cared about her. She was a puppet for you all to play with. Do this, do that, sit there,” Linda shot him a dark look. “or shut up and take that while I put a kid in you whether you want it or not!”

“What the f**k are you talking about, Linda?” he demanded. “Eh?”

“I mean, that she if she did betray us, she was betrayed first.” Linda folded her hands. “We all know that she didn’t want to be here, didn’t want to marry Tom, but got forced into it. She got pressured into having sex, way before she was ready.”

“And you know this how?” He demands. “She tell you?”

“As a matter of fact, yes, she did.” Linda said. “Kate and I talked a lot of times because she said I was the only one who wasn’t playing games. I told her that she should left you months ago,” he nearly threw the glass at Linda’s head. “but she stayed because she felt like she’d be running out on you and breaking her word after you did ‘so much for her’!” Linda said sarcastically. “I guess, bringing Lizzie to the Halloween party was the beginning of the end.”

“I went home!” Lizzie said. “Nothing happened!”

“No?” Linda swivels around towards her. “Do they know? Do they know what you did?”

“Linda!” He warned.

But Linda ignored him. “In case they don’t, Thomas and Lizzie had sex in the library and Kate walked in on them!” he exhaled. It wasn’t a thing he was proud of, but now, everyone knew. He had no idea that Kate had confided so much to Linda. “Neither one of you had the decency to stop, like the animals you are. I mean, he asked you to do it, right?” Lizzie just crossed her arms and offered no explanation. Linda turned towards him. “She told you, that she loved you and you did that just to hurt her.” 

“Hold on,” Polly says. “are you saying…that Tommy---

“Did it on purpose just to break her heart.” Linda shot him a judgmental look. “After that, it was just a waiting game. Congratulations. She saw a chance to get out and took it.”

“Did you do that?” Ada asks, looking absolutely disappointed in him. “Did you honestly do that to her Tommy?”

He exhaled and nodded. “Yeah.” Ada shook her head in disgust and walked out of the room. “Ada!”

“I can’t even look at you.”

“So,” Polly bit out. “that’s why she so upset about being in the same room with Lizzie?” he nodded. “You didn’t say Tommy and you should have said!”

“I was going to talk to Kate about all that that night.” He bit out. “I was going to tell her that it was all over with Lizzie and I’d stick to her. She left before I got to f**king explain.”

“Well, why would she even want to stay married to you?” he glowered darkly at Linda who stood up. He couldn't answer that question. He thought love was enough, but since Kate had asked him why she should come back, he was drawing a blank. Thomas Shelby did not draw blanks.  “If I were in her shoes, I’d have left a long time ago. Never let you put a hand on me. She did all that because she felt like she was obligated to stay. I think hearing you bring up that deal from Sabini was enough. If Changretta can get her out of here safe, away from Sabini, I say go for it. Regardless of what’s going on, none of us can deny that if there’s any one of us who deserved a chance to get out and start a new life it’s her.”

He’s silent for a long time, then he states. “She wants a divorce.”

Polly stares through him. “You going to let her out of this?”

He shakes his head. “No.” 

Polly shook her head before stomping out of the room. “F**king hell, you pick the worst wives.”

“You f**king picked her!” He shouted. “Remember!”

“Shut up!” Polly snapped before slamming a door.

He doesn’t know what’s going on, but he does know that there’s someone else in Kate’s life. Her mystery lover from Halloween. Kate probably wanted to be free to marry that man. But he wouldn’t let her be. He’d been hurt at first, but now, that hurt had turned into the anger of a thousand suns. He would never let her be free. As long as her last name was Shelby, she was his for the rest of her f**king days.

Chapter 68: Lavender and apologies

One week later,

---

This was a bad idea. He needed to stay away from her, give her some time and space. She’d just ended her marriage with Shelby and would not be up to receiving visitors. He’d tried to stay away, but in the end, he had to see her again. He wanted to bring her roses, but felt they were too romantic a flower to give her right now. So, he’d opted instead for lavender. She was decorating the house anyway. The flowers could then be dried and used. She’d finished working on the garden and she had planted some lavender as well. She opted for hearty plants he noticed, like lavender and white sage. 

He came up the steps and paused. Sure enough, as Calogero said, there she was in the window seat. Her face was pressed up against the glass; her eyes were closed indicating that she was sleeping. She must have been painting, because there’s a streak of white paint on it. Her lips were parted, making her look tempting enough to be kissed. But it was way too early for such things. Besides, he’d already tasted her when she was willing. He’d wait until she was ready.

He set the flowers on the porch swing and reached into his pocket for the little card that came with them. He scribbled a little note to her and tucked it into the white ribbon around the bunch of lavender. He then left it on the swing for her to find. It was fresh lavender so if it dried, it would still be lovely.

He tucked his pen back into his coat and headed down the steps to the path leading to the street. He’d made it no more than five steps when the front door behind him opened. “Mr. Changretta?” he exhaled and smiled before turning towards her. She had this lovely voice, light and musical, like a harp. She came out, wiping her hands on her apron. “Surely, you’re not leaving. Did you knock?” She asked. “Did I not hear the door?”

“No, no,” he assured her. She always seemed worried, as if she’d done something wrong. “I just left you something. I didn’t want to wake you up.”

She looked surprised. “I-I just had my eyes closed for a minute.”

“Ah,” he nodded. “next time I’ll knock then.”

She crossed her arms and arched a brow. “Well, you also could have called before coming over. Then I could have been ready.”

She was upset with him, he didn’t blame her. He bowed his head. “My apologies.”

“You haven’t called me at all for this whole week.” She said. “Is it because of the guy in the movies? Because I didn’t mean----

“No,” he stepped towards her, realizing that she wasn’t upset. She was hurt. She thought she’d done something wrong. Christ, what had Shelby and Sabini done to her? “I just wanted to give you some space.” He removed his hat as he stepped closer to her. “I pushed you a little bit, with the movies and I felt, that I should step back, give you some time to yourself, especially after that call with Shelby.” She looked surprised that he’d even think of such a thing. He cleared his throat before telling her. “I am sorry, it was not my intention to cause offense.”

“No!” She stepped forward and placed her hand on his wrist. She may not have noticed, but he felt the electricity climb up his arm and give his heart the shock of it’s life. “No, I-I thought perhaps I’d done something wrong, you don’t---

“Yes, I do.” He said quietly, softer voices he noticed, caused her to be quiet. If one yelled, she cringed a bit. She had no problem yelling, but she was more apt to listen when one spoke with a softer voice. “I took you to the movies, we had dinner out, a long train ride back and then I don’t say anything to you for a week. That was careless of me and I’d like to apologize.” He reached over, grabbed the lavender and handed it to her. She looked surprised. “I should have bought you roses, but, I didn’t realize just how badly I treated you.”

She stared at the lavender as if he’d just handed her the world on a platter. “No one’s…ever bought me flowers before.” He should have just bought her the roses. He’d debated, but had thought lavender would be more casual. He felt awful, but when he looked at her…she was smiling as if he’d bought her a dozen roses. “They’re so beautiful, thank you very much.” She put one arm around his neck and hugged him. It was a casual, friendly hug, but she’d made the move. That said he was making progress a little bit at a time. “I’m sorry.”

“No,” he shook his head as he ran one hand up and down her back, making sure not to go too low on her back. “don’t apologize.”

“I must. I’m tired, my neck is sore and I didn’t sleep well.” She pulled back and he saw that she was tired. “And,” she shook her head. “I knocked over a quart of paint. It took forever to clean up.”

“Did you ask Calogero to help?” He asked as he stepped towards the house. He wanted to go inside, but wouldn’t unless she said it was all right.

She shook her head. “No, I didn’t.”

He saw it in that, she didn’t feel safe with any man yet. She was relaxed around him, so, she trusted him. “I forgot. Men make you nervous.”

She nodded. “Some, but…I didn’t want to invite him in.”

“Would you like a gun?” he wasn’t sure offering her one was a good idea. His heart was rapidly overruling everything his head when it came to her. She, by all accounts shouldn’t be allowed to wander at her leisure. 

She shook her head as she confessed. “I have one.”

Ok, he hadn’t known that. He’d confiscated hers, so she’d managed to buy another under Calogero’s gaze. But that meant, she hadn’t shot him or anyone else with it. So, she most likely could be trusted not to use it on him or anyone else. The fact that she'd told him, meant that she trusted him to let her keep it. He was going to. “Would you like yours back?”

She nodded. “Yes, I would.”

He nods. “I’ll bring it back on my next visit.”

“Hmm, next visit?” She teased lightly, causing him to chuckle. “You’ll call first, that way I don’t get caught looking like a complete mess again.”

“You look cute.” He said. “I’m sure the house looks as nice.”

She gasped. “Oh, where are my manners? Would you like to come inside, see everything I’ve done?”

“Yes.” He stepped back and held the door open for her. She didn’t move. He gestured. “After you.”

“Oh!” Her face flushed just a little bit. “I’m sorry, I’m not used to doors being opened for me.”

“That’s alright.” She stepped by him and he heard her stomach rumble. She probably hadn’t eaten yet. He turned to where Calogero was standing, getting a smoke. “Calogero!” he called. Go watch a movie, then go to the diner, get a few sandwiches and stuff to go with it. And a pack of peach soda! Then, you can have some time off!

Right away, Mr. Changretta!

Katherine frowned as he stepped in. “What was that about?”

“Eh, I told him to go see a movie or something.” He hung his hat up and removed his coat. It wasn’t one of his better suits, but, he didn’t want to get paint on it. “So, let’s see what you’ve been up to.”

She pouted slightly and said. “I’ll show you where I spilled the paint.”

“If you spilled it on the carpet,” he said as they walked towards the parlor. “it’s alright. This carpet should have been replaced years ago.” Katherine just shook her head and started laughing as they walked into the parlor and sure enough, the paint was on the carpet. “Eh, had I come by earlier, you wouldn’t have had such a mess to clean up.”

“No,” she laughed. “indeed, I would not!” she shook her head and went to survey the paint on the floor. “I got my skirt caught on a rung and kicked the bucket across the room! Oh, I was so mad!”

he could imagine that she was, but he laughed along with her, he saw the brush sitting near the ladder. He exhaled and removed the cufflinks on his shirt and then his vest. She still hadn’t finished the ceiling. He had nothing planned right now. He was waiting for the situation with Thomas Shelby’s workers to be a bit more volatile. Then, he’d get two of his men in the factory when he was there and hopefully, start making progress on the vendetta. It was his turn to strike and he didn’t mind dragging things out. It made Shelby anxious and anxious men made mistakes.

“What are you doing?”

Katherine, was a prime example of how an anxious man could hurt a woman. She’d already been hurt and it was very clear that Shelby hadn’t exhibited any patience towards her. She was still very skittish and from the look on her face, he hadn’t realized that him removing some articles of his clothing could be interpreted as something else.

“I’m going to finish the ceiling.” He explained. "That way your neck won't be sore."

She stared at him, finding her voice only when he added his tie to the pile. “But, you’re in your nice suit! I can’t---

“I’ll be fine.” He assured her as he went and grabbed the bucket and brush. "I'm taller anyway."

“But I haven’t covered the carpet!”

“We’re tearing out the carpet.” He reminded her. “If you want, you can find a safe spot for my clothes away from this paint, I’d appreciate that.”

“But---

“And you still are keeping the receipts,” he asked, distracting her while he climbed the ladder. “so I can pay you back, right?”

“Really, it’s just some paint and wallpaper. It doesn’t cost a fortune.”

“I’d pay you for your time,” he said as he concentrated on painting the ceiling. “but I think you won’t allow that. The least I can do, is pay for the supplies, eh?”

she exhaled. “If you insist.”

“I do.” He glanced at her. “Look, if its not too much trouble, I’d like to sell the house fully furnished. Makes more money that way.”

She frowned. “Are you asking me to buy the furniture?”

“No, I’d give you a few thousand and you can get some new furniture and stuff, after all the painting is done and new carpet is in.” She stared at him as he said. “I’ll have Calogero take you to the shops and all, if that’s alright.”

“Well,” she hesitated. “this is your mother’s house. Don’t you want to see what I’d be bringing in?”

“No, I trust you.” He said. As he continued painting the ceiling. “The house looks nice with the new paint, the wallpaper, it needs some new furniture to go with it. Where’s the victrola?”

“I never saw one.”

He nods. “Right, probably stolen.” he climbed down the ladder. “I’ll be right back.”

She shot him a look. “What are you doing?”

“This job would go a lot faster if there was music.”

“Luca,” she paused for a moment and then out of her very strict mouth came “Nostriano Changretta, you better not be having a record player delivered!”

He was. She could holler all she wanted at him, nothing could put a damper on his humor because she’d remembered his whole name.

Chapter 69: Paint, water and broken dishes

2 hours later,

---

“Ugh!!” Kate yelped as she got a big drip of paint rain down her cheek, chin and chest. “That’s it!!” Luca started laughing at her, which against her will, caused her to start laughing. “I-I have…had it, for the day! God!” she moves to put her brush in the bucket of water. She doesn’t want to clean it, so it can soak overnight in water. “I’m calling it.”

\He nods. “That’s good. You go on upstairs, freshen up and I’ll clean up in the kitchen once I’m done.”

“Clean up?” Kate mocked. “You don’t have a drop, how do you not have any paint on you!?”

“Because, pappagallo,” she rolled her eyes. “I don’t put as much paint on the brush, so it doesn’t drip on me.”

“More paint,” she points out. “covers more space.”

“Including yourself!” She shakes her head in exasperation. “Go on, I’ll be done in 15 minutes and then I’ll clean up and put some decent music on.”

Kate laughs and shakes her head. “Alright.”

She hurried upstairs and made sure wash her hands before starting the bath water. She went to her room, grabbed a fresh change of undergarments, shoes and the lightest dress that she owned. She was exhausted! But she’d had so much fun today. The painting had been so upsetting at first, but Luca somehow managed to make it fun for her! It was ridiculous! She hadn’t expected him to partake in such a normal experience as painting, but apparently, he used to help paint houses and fences as a kid. She hadn’t believed him until she saw how much progress he made. It took him twenty-five minutes to finish up the damn ceiling! They’d moved onto the walls, he did the upper while she did the lower. Then, the music company had arrived with a new victrola and 50 records. Luca told her to pick and the first record she picked was the most popular of Vivaldi’s four seasons. 

They talked and Luca was a fun conversationalist. He could talk with her about seemingly any subject and he liked to talk. He’d actually ask her questions as well. They discussed food, music, art, dancing, books and other things. The conversation had made time fly so fast. They finished the parlor and Luca started painting the ceiling of the dining room while she starting removing the few pieces of furniture to the drawing room. The house Luca had moved her into was mostly deserted, there was enough furniture for a single person to live with but it was far from being fully furnished.

Kate settled into the bath and scrubbed herself with her favorite honey-vanilla soap. Oh, she’d earned this. She’d put in a hard day’s work, but, she was having fun in the end. She got all the paint out of her hair and then rinsed off. Thank God the plumbing here was still in excellent condition! She toweled off and had just pulled her dress on, when she heard Luca let out a shout from downstairs!

She ran out of the bathroom, nearly tripping on the towel that she’d left on the floor. She’d hurried to the top of the stairs and paused, her heart racing in her chest. Had he fallen off the ladder? Had Thomas found her? If it was Thomas, she needed to get her gun!

“Luca?” She called down the stairs. “Are you alright? Is everything ok?”

“Yes, I’m sorry.” He said. “I got paint in my hair.” 

Fear quickly faded into relief and joy. Kate just howled and she could hear him laughing sarcastically. “I’ll be…. downstairs in 10 minutes.” She managed to gasp out between her laughter.

“Take your time canarina!”

“What’s that mean?”

“Canary!” 

she kept laughing as she made her way back to the bathroom. As she closed the door, she stopped laughing as a strange thought hit her. She turned and looked at the door. The door wasn’t locked. She’d left the bathroom door unlocked. She’d always locked it out of habit, mostly because she’d had people barge in unceremoniously, like George. George had taken her from behind, while he bent her over the bathtub. He plunged her head under the water and Kate was so certain that he’d drown her. After that, she’d started locking the door and she didn’t care what George did to her afterwards. She wasn’t going to die by drowning in dirty bathwater!

She hadn’t thought about it at the Shelby’s house until Thomas had walked in on her in the middle of her bath! She shook her head at that memory. Thomas, he’d wanted her to feel like she could trust him, so, he handed her a towel and told her to get out of the bath. She hadn’t been finished her bath, but she’d done as he asked. This was like a few days after her first orgasm. She’d held tightly onto to that towel for dear life as he’d bent her over the counter. His hands slipping up under the towel and into her. He kept his fingers moving inside her until she came, all the time he kept his erection pressed against her back entrance. He’d praised her and talked her through it, she remembered that much, but, he hadn’t asked her permission. He’d ordered her to get out of the bath and she’d complied. That was a big problem with their relationship. It was very sexual, but their relationship only worked as long as she did what he said. It was lust, it must have been, it couldn’t have been love that she felt for him.

She shook her head. No more thinking of that. Another day, another time and another place. Still, she didn’t know why she’d left unlocked when there was a man down stairs that she barely knew. She picked up her paint-covered clothes, put them in the sink with some soap to soak overnight. She had two outfits that she alternated between. The one she washed yesterday she’d wear tomorrow. After applying a light spritz of perfume, she put her undergarments in the washing pile. Sunday, she’d do the laundry properly.

She came downstairs to hear Luca in the kitchen. She shook her head as she padded in there. “Well,” she said as she came around the corner. “after all you said to me about too much paint, you get paint in your hair!”

“Ha, ha, ha.” He said sarcastically as she came around the corner and nearly stopped dead at the sight of a shirtless Luca Changretta! “I finished the ceiling and did the upper wall so you don’t have to stand too high on the ladder.”

“T-thank you.” She stuttered as that was all her brain would allow her to say at the moment. She wasn't expecting to find him like that! Well, he had paint in his hair and needed to get it out, but, ok, fine! Luca was attractive, she just hadn’t noticed that before and it kinda caught her off guard!

“Don’t need you breaking your neck.” He glanced at her. “Did I get all the  paint out?”

“Hmm?” she shook her head. “Let me see.” Luca was taller than her, so she dragged her little stool over so she could actually see his hair. Luca was a good five, maybe six inches taller than Tommy, who was only four inches taller than her. So Luca towered over her! Surprisingly, his height didn’t intimidate her, Luca was a very gentle man. She stood up on the stood and chuckled. “Yes, there’s a long drip, kinda like a skunk.”

“Funny, carina.” He stayed bent over the sink. “If you don’t mind, can you get it out?”

“Yes,” she couldn’t stop smiling as she turned the water on and began working at the sticky paint in his hair. “I can.” Luca hands her the bar of soap in his hand. “Thank you.”

Kate only becomes aware of how inappropriate this is when their hands brush. Regardless of how things are with Thomas, he is still her husband for now and she shouldn’t be this close to a shirtless man, even if it was a friend like Luca. Friend? When had he become a friend? 

There was a knock on the door, which caused the soap to go flying from her hand. “Hand me a towel, please.” He asked as he washed the soap out of his hair quickly. “Should be Calogero.”

“Oh, I can get it then.”

“I want to get it in case it’s not.” He states gently. “It is getting late, after all.”

“Oh.” She handed him a towel and he wiped his eyes and moved towards the front door. She wasn’t sure if he got all the paint of his hair, but she’d find out. She grabbed his undershirt and shirt that he’d left on the counter. There were a few little drops of paint on his shirt, but nothing too noticeable. Still, she grabbed the soap and began to work on the paint on his shoulder. If she draped the shirt over a chair and left it near the stove, it’d be dry fast.

She could hear him speaking in Italian. It still unnerved her a little bit, but she really didn’t think Luca was saying anything unsavory about her. He was most likely talking about the vendetta and didn’t want her to understand what he was talking about. Kate managed to get most of the paint,  some of it refused to come out, which annoyed her.

“What are you doing?” Luca asked as he came in with the towel around his neck, a paper bag in one hand and a six pack of peach soda in the other!

“Uhm,” God! Why was she suddenly stuttering and stammering around him? “I-I cleaned your shirt.”

“I can see.” He set the bag down on the kitchen table along with the soda. “That was nice, you didn’t have to do that for me, thank you.”

Another thing she was used to. Luca always said ‘thank you’ and ‘please’, so it was strange to hear at times. She couldn’t think of a thing to say until she noticed the bag. “What’s in the bag?”

“I sent Calogero out to watch a movie, told him to bring back sandwiches and a few other things for us to eat.”

She stared at him. “I-I could have made dinner.”

“Why?” He asked as he started pulling out the assorted foods. “You worked hard, I’m sure you’re tired. He gets the afternoon off, I paid him and he’s going off for a few more hours. It’s a vacation for him.”

She nodded. “I’ll get the plates.”

“Alright.” 

Kate turned and opened the cabinet. As she pulled a plate down, she realized that her hands were still wet, so the plate slipped from her hands and crashed to the ground! Luca turned towards her, now toweling his hair off and Kate immediately began apologizing. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” he approached her slowly and Kate kept stuttering. “I-I didn’t dry my hands off---

“Katherine---

“it just slipped out of my hands!!”

“Katherine,” he said gently. “it’s alright. It’s just a plate.”

“But, it was probably your mothers.” He reached for her, which caused her to step back and she crunched on  a piece of glass. She hadn’t broken anything of his before and she was unsure of how he’d react! “I’m sorry. I’m sorry!”

Luca, however, wasn’t reaching for her. He was reaching just past her head and he grabbed another plate. She inhaled, watching him as he held the plate by two fingers. He studied her a moment…then he released the plate! Kate gasped and took a step forward, but stopped when he held a hand out slightly in front of her to stop her from moving. But he didn't touch her, he moved his hand away from her when she moved forward so as not to accidentally touch her. She inhaled and then realized that she was on the verge of tears…from a broken plate! Luca inhaled and asked her gently. “Are you alright?”

She stared at him. “Yes, but, I-I broke----

“I do not care about the plate.” He said quietly. “I can buy another, it’s not special Katherine.”

“But,” she inhaled. “I broke it.”

“It was an accident.” He said. “It’s alright. Honest. It's ok.” She exhaled shakily. God, her nerves were shot today. He exhaled and asked. “Where’s the broom and dustpan?”

“I’ll get it.” She said quietly as she moved away. 

He nodded and he resumed drying his hair. Her hands were shaking when she came back into the kitchen with the dustpan and broom. She set down the dustpan and began to sweep up the plates. “I’ve got that.” Luca smoothly extracted the broom from her hand without touching her. He had his undershirt on now. He nodded towards the table. “You’ve worked enough for the day.”

“But---

“Come on.” He said gently, putting his hand in the small of her back. “I pulled down the plates, go ahead and look in the bag. See if there’s something in there you like and I’ll join you in a minute.”

Kate sat and watched as Luca did sweep up the shards of glass into the dustpan. He was actually not upset with her and she couldn’t believe it. She turned back and placed her elbows on the table as she buried her face in her hands and cried quietly. What was wrong with her!? Why couldn’t she just be normal for five minutes and not go to pieces over the stupidest things? Luca exhaled and pulled out a chair. God, she couldn’t even look at him! She felt so stupid!

Then, the strangest thing happened. 

He started running his finger, up and down her hand, stopping at her wrist. He did this for a few minutes, keeping his touch gentle until she peeked out through her fingers at him. He held one hand out, silently asking to put an arm around her shoulder. She nodded. He placed his arm around her and pulled her towards him. She let out a quiet sound as he arranged it so her head could rest on his shoulder, her face buried in his neck. He didn’t say a word, he just held her and waited for her to stop shaking. She felt safe. She’d felt safe with Thomas, but, this was a different safe. As if she was safe not just physically, but she finally had someone in her life who was strong enough to hold onto her, no matter what she was going through. Strong enough to handle whatever mess she was going through. And while there wasn't anything romantic between them, it felt nice to have a friend there.

After fifteen minutes, she sat up and wiped her eyes. Luca rubbed her shoulder and gave her a soft smile. “How about, we eat out on the front porch, eh? Get out of the kitchen for a bit? Sound good?”

She nodded, exhaling lightly as she wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “Yes.” He grabbed a napkin off the table and handed it to her. “Thank you.”

He nods. “I’ll get everything. You pick a record, open the window and we can listen to it while we eat. Ok?”

“Yes. That’d be nice.”

He gave her hand a faint squeeze before putting all the sandwiches back in the paper bag. She inhaled and walked back to the parlor. Her embarrassment was slowly fading. He’d seen her, seen just how fragile and broken she truly was. He hadn’t pushed her to answer him, he’d known that she wanted some support and he offered that to her without any judgement. It was different, it was nice and it helped her feel like she was truly getting better.

---

Chapter 70: Dinner

He didn’t know who he needed to kill for that moment with the dish. Was it Sabini? And if it was, which Sabini was it? George or Darby? He thought of Shelby, but he didn’t see Kate breaking something in his house, unless it was a vase or something. He wanted to know, but he didn’t want to push her. If she wanted to confide in him, she would. For now, that was a part of her that she wasn’t ready to share with him and that was alright. If she needed something, he’d be there for her as best as he could. If she wanted to let him in, she would. For now, being there was enough.

She’d been a little uneasy on the porch at first. She was embarrassed at first, she’d put on some jazz group call the Hotel Commodore Ensemble. Surprisingly, he liked them. He wasn’t a huge fan of Jazz, he liked classical and opera as did she. He didn’t like jazz, but, this was a very slow, nearly romantic band. Katherine had nibbled quietly on her chips. So, he asked her about her perfume. He knew what it was, he was familiar with Casamorati. So, when she responded, he’d lightly teased her about wearing Italian perfume. She wanted to know how, apart from the name, that he knew it was Italian. He brought up how he’d been to Florence and just like that, her face had lit up. 

He talked about all the places he’d been to, France, Florence and most recently Cambodia. Katherine was a very curious woman, she asked him about everything and he was happy to oblige her. She’d been to France, but the moment she mentioned her honeymoon, he changed the subject because he could see that even her honeymoon had been full of nightmares. He saw the scars, he didn’t know what else had been done to her, but based on how she acted, she must have been to Hell. 

“Well,” He stood up after looking at his watch. “I have to go. It’s nearly 8:00.”

Katherine yawned and looked up at the sky that was getting dark. “It is! I didn’t realize.”

He nods. “Time flies, when you’re with good company.”

She shook her head. “I wouldn’t say that I’m very good company.”

“Katherine,” he said patiently. “we talked for three hours and went through half the pack of soda. Don’t be so modest, you’re very good company.”

And she was very good company, she was a very intelligent woman. She’d read a lot, he could tell. A part of him wondered if it was because she was trying to escape from the houses that she’d been imprisoned in. How could she have NEVER been to a movie? That, would never fail to baffle him beyond belief! What else had she never done? The possibilities were endless. Her papers wouldn’t be ready for another month, but he had a feeling that once she was free, she’d fly and she’d fly far.

Katherine smiles. “Thank you for that, it’s just, you’ve seen so much, done so much, it feels like I barely have anything to contribute to the conversation.”

“Ah, don’t underestimate your enthusiasm or inquisitive nature. You ask questions that most girls wouldn’t ask. It’s…intriguing.”

She laughed as she stood up. “God, you say the strangest things at times Luca Changretta.” He shook his head. One day, he’d say everything that he was keeping to himself. But this, it would be a slow courtship, not that she even knew she was being courted, but it would take a long time. Years, if it was even possible to happen. 

He suspected that this vendetta wold make things very hard for her. He didn’t know if she’d even be able to look him in the eye afterwards, but he had to avenge his father and his brother. His mother and his honor demanded that he follow the code. Shelby had done the same when his first wife was killed, now it was Luca’s turn for vengeance. Katherine had ended things with Shelby, but he wasn’t sure what would happen when she saw him after he killed Shelby and his family. His heart told him that she’d never look at him the same way, but he had to avenge their unnecessary deaths. The sword of justice was a double-ended sword. No matter which way he swung, someone was going to get hurt by his decision

Katherine stood up and grabbed the paper bag that held all the wrappers. They’d wound up eating the sandwiches from the paper and skipping the plates. He held the door open for her and she nodded. “Thank you.” Once she was inside, he stood by the screen door. She turned towards him, confusion on her face. “Aren’t you coming in?”

“No.” He shook his head. “If you don’t mind, could you bring me my coat and vest? Don’t want the neighbors seeing me coming out of the house this late.”

Kate flushed. “Thank you. I didn’t realize.”

“Didn’t want to make them think there was something disreputable happening.” Not immediately at least. “You have to live here, so, I can make sure not to draw attention to you.”

Katherine bit her lip before admitting. “You’re spoiling me Mr. Changretta. I’m not used to such fancy treatment.”

“If you think this is fancy,” he said simply. “you’ll be in for a shock. This is basic good manners.”

“Still,” she shifts. “I’m not used to this. I-I appreciate it, but, I’m not used to it.”

“I know.” He nodded before saying. “But you deserve it.”

She shook her head and moved towards the kitchen. He unrolled his shirtsleeves, while he waited for her to fetch the remainder of his clothes. In spite of her getting upset tonight, he’d had fun with her.

The screen door opened and she came out with all his clothing over one arm. He chuckled as she handed him his hat and tie first. “Thank you.” He put his hat on and then his  shirt and tucked his tie in his pocket, he didn’t feel like wearing it just yet He reached for the vest, unbuttoned it and took his time buttoning it back up. 

He then held his hand out for his cufflinks. “There you go.” She said as she dropped them in his hand before handing him his coat. “Good as new.”

“Thank you.” As he draped his coat over his arm he asked her. “When’s your birthday?”

she looked confused, for she asked. “Why?”

“Mama want’s to know.” That much was true. Well, he wanted to know as well, but his mother had asked him when her birthday was and he’d forgotten. “I know it’s in January.”

She sighed and crossed her arms. “I suppose if I decline to answer, you’ll just look it up, right?”

He nods, trying to keep a stern expression on his face. “Yes, so, let me go to bed early and not look for the file.”

She laughs lightly and shakes her head. Oh, she was becoming such a big distraction in his life and he had no clue. She let out a sigh and said. “You can’t buy me a present, though.” 

He nodded. “Fine.” He didn’t promise, so he still could.

She exhaled and leaned against the swing. “Today, actually.”

He felt like a bastard. He stared at her. “Today?”

She nods. “Yes.”

He groaned. “F**k, I wish I’d known.”

“It’s alright, I’m glad you didn’t.” She exhaled. “I haven’t had a birthday celebration in so long that I’m not sure I’d be able to handle it. But,” she smiled at him. “this was nice. Honest.”

“We should have gone out.” He said. “I could have taken you dancing or something like that.”

She shakes her head. “That’s kind, but it was unnecessary.”

“I’ve talked to Calogero. All you do is you work in the house, the garden or sit in the window. You don’t go out and do anything.”

She frowned “I shop.”

“That’s not fun.” He rubbed his nose. “You have your first movie because of me. You should do things, go to a show or something like that.”

She bites her lip. “I’ve a confession Mr. Changretta. I haven’t done things like that in so long that, it’s a little intimidating to do on my own.”

He exhaled. “Of course and men make you uneasy. My apologies.”

“Don’t apologize. Really, it is nice to be alone and have some silence, so I need to hear myself think.”

“It’s not good to be alone for so long.” He hesitated before adding. “My mother and I, we worry about you sometimes.” She paused and looked at him. “You’ve been locked up in two houses for years. It’d be good for you to get out, do things and have fun. I don’t want to push, but, I don’t want you lock yourself up in this house before you get out of here.”

“Not to sound like I’m in a rush, I’m not, but, when do I get my papers?” she inquired.

“Next month.” He was trying not to think about that. “I’ve already got a plan for you to get out without being detected. If Shelby and Sabini and his men are watching the docks, we’ll need a decoy so you aren’t caught.”

She stares at him. “You’re going through an awful lot of work on my behalf.”

“You need help.” He said. “With Shelby and Sabini after you, you deserve a fair shot to get out.”

She swallowed and said softly. “Thank you.” 

There’s a slightly awkward silence before he says. “Sunday, I promise Mama I’d go to church with her. I can pick you up and then drop you off at a furniture shop across the street. I'd invite you to the church, but the service is in Italian." She nodded in understanding. "So, you can shop there, look for stuff for the house. I’ll have them deliver it later. Afterwards, Mama said she wanted to see you, see how you were doing.”

“Oh, that’s very kind of her, all things considered. I’d have thought she wouldn’t have wanted me or any one with the last name Shelby in her presence.”

“You’re Katherine. Not Shelby, you’re not like them and you won’t be, but that’s alright.” She looked unsure, so he asked her. “Can you join us for dinner? Mama’ll be glad to have someone to cook for. You like Italian food?”

she nods. “Yes, I do.”

“Will you come?”

he didn’t realize that he was holding his breath until she nodded and he exhaled. “Yes, I’d like to.”

"I'll let Mama know. She'd be glad for some company."

"As would I." She admitted. "You're right, I do spend too much time in this house. Perhaps, it's time to get some air. This week could only get better.

---

When the clock chimed 9:00, Kate walked out of the building. She’d managed to find quite a few lovely furnishings and more to help fill out the house. The salesman had a list of all the items, he’d talk to Luca and then see about having it delivered.
She walked out of the building and stood at the crosswalk, watching people slowly file out of the beautiful church. Kate found it lovely that a grown man like Luca still respected his mother and her wishes, even going to church when he was a full grown man who was a gangster. She made a note ask Luca what got him into that line of work. It made no sense. He was so kind and gentle, that he almost had no business being a gangster. How did a man like him find himself in this situation? There was a story there, she knew it.

She moved towards the crosswalk, keeping a close eye on the police officer. She hadn’t seen any blinders, but she wanted to be able to flag them down. She spotted Luca and his mother across the street. Luca spotted her first and he waved at her. His mother looked for and Luca pointed towards her. Kate waved at Mrs. Changretta, which caught her attention. She was wearing a new dress, coral and lace because she wanted to make a good impression on Mrs. Changretta. 

In those few brief seconds, everything changed.

A car suddenly screeched to a halt in front of her. Before Kate could have a moment to blink, the back door of the car opened and Kate found herself being yanked into the back of the car. She screamed and fought, but there were two men in the back who were struggling to pull her in. The police officer shouted and blew his whistle at the men attempting to abduct her. "Oi! Let her go!"

"Katherine!" She heard Luca shouting from across the street!

“Get her in!” The driver shouted. “Changretta’s coming!”

“Go!” one of the men shouted. “Go!”

Kate felt herself flying through the air as she was yanked roughly off her feet! She kept screaming as she was pinned on the backseat. Someone, aimed out the window and fired, which only made her scream louder! "I think I got him! Changretta went down!"

Kate couldn't stop screaming at those words! She didn't know what was going on, she didn't know if Luca was hurt and all of that was terrifying. “Kate? Kate enough!” Oh, she knew that voice.  She inhaled sharply as she found herself looking into the cold blue eyes of Thomas Shelby! She stopped screaming as he exhaled and said. “Mrs. Shelby…now we can talk face-to-face without being interrupted by Changretta.”

---

Chapter 71: In the warehouse

For a moment, Kate was paralyzed. Thomas? Thomas had abducted her? Why had he done such a thing? She stared at him for a long time, then she asked. “What’s going on?”

“That,” he exhaled as he pulled her into an upright position. “was a rescue, Kate.”

“R-rescue?” she stammered in confusion. “What-what do you---

“Got a tip that you’d be there.” He explained as he sat back in his chair along with two other men. Kate could only stare at him. “I’ll admit, I was angry about that phone call, but regardless of how we left things on John’s funeral, I do know you Kate. You’re loyal, kind and strong. I know you said Changretta wasn’t on the phone with you, but I don’t believe that. I was angry, but once I calmed down and I realized what had happened. You said what you needed to make sure he didn’t hurt you. So, I knew I had to talk to you in person so, we managed to pull off this rescue.” The car kept driving through London and Kate could only stare out the window. “Got a safehouse nearby. We’ll hang low for a few hours. Changretta’s men will be canvassing for a bit---

“I want to go back.” Kate blurted out.

Thomas nodded. “I know. I’ll be taking you home as soon as possible.”

“No,” she shook her head. “I want to go back to Mr. Changretta.” Those words caused every man, including the driver to look at her as if she’d suddenly gone mad. Perhaps she had, but she didn’t belong here anymore. She didn’t belong to him anymore. “I’m asking,” she inhaled. “that you pull the car over and let me out. Please.”

Thomas stared at her for a long time and then he asked. “What are you talking about?”

“I want to go back.” She repeated. “I-I want to go back to my house. I was having dinner with Mrs. Changretta after church. I can’t be late.”

He studied her and then asked. “Do you need a drink?”

“No.” She shook her head. “I haven’t had a drink, since I left.”

“Well,” he reached for a flask and handed it to her. “you need one, it’ll clear your head.”

“Liquor dulls the senses.” She said as she shot him a pointed look. “I don’t drink anymore and I like it, I like how I can think clearly now and not move through the day with everything walled up and numbed off.” 

The car pulled into a warehouse and Kate waited until they parked. Then, everyone filed out of the car. Thomas did not open the car door for her. As she opened the car door, she thought of Luca. She hadn’t liked him originally opening the doors for her, but now she saw it differently for the first time. It was a sign of respect and there was a lot of respect for her. She walked away from the car, leaving the door open behind her.

Thomas exhaled and said. “Car door Kate.”

She shook her head. “I opened it, but I am not closing it.”

He just stared at her and asked. “What the hell has gotten into you?”

“Nothing has gotten into me!” She stated. “I’ve just had time to reflect, gather my thoughts together about this whole mess---
“Mess?” he stepped towards her. “What do you mean mess?”

“Er,” Johnny Dogs said. “we’ll be outside, Tom.”

“Fine.” He said without looking away from her. “Explain Kate.”

She inhaled. “I wasn’t lying over the phone. I meant everything I said on the phone. I want a divorce.”

“And I told you,” he said firmly. “from the beginning, that there is no divorce. You marry a Shelby, you stay f**king married.”

“What’s the point of staying married?” She asked him directly. “God! I know you think that you love me now, but---

“I don’t think it,” he said firmly as he gripped her shoulder, causing her to squirm internally. “I know it.”

“Let go of me, please.”

“Kate---

“I said,” she repeated firmly. “let go of me!” She shoved him when he didn’t release her fast enough. She exhaled sharply. “Can we not do this? Can we not fight?”

“I don’t see any way around it Kate.” He said lowly. “What the f**k is going on with you!?”

“There is nothing going on with me!” She declared. “I’ve been gone for nearly a month! I’ve had time to rest, do things and explore!”

He inhaled. “Kate, you have a family back there waiting for you. You need to come back to them.”

“No,” she shook her head. “you have your family waiting for you, along with your mistress. You need to go back to them.”

“Lizzie, is not my mistress!” He stated. “I am in the process of looking for another secretary to take her place.”

Kate stared at him. That was surprising, but she couldn’t let herself get drawn into this again. “There’s no need for that, Mr. Shelby. I’m not coming back to you.”

“Does Changretta have something on you?” she shook her head. “Kate, if he’s threatening to hurt you, I can help you. You just have to tell me!”

She inhaled. “Mr. Changretta, hasn’t held anything on me. He checks in on me occasionally in person to make sure I’m alright. I’m not a prisoner,” she explained. “I’m a guest.”

Thomas stared at her. “A guest?” she nodded. “You’re really a f**king guest, with the man who killed John?”

She groaned. “Mr. Shelby---

“The man who nearly killed Michael?” He reminded her. “The man who’s trying to kill me, Polly, Ada, Arthur and Michael?

You’re his f**king guest!?”

“Yes, but---

“Are you out of your f**king mind!?” He shouted. “You know he’s in league with Sabini?”

“Mr. Changretta, like you, has a code regarding how women are treated. I may not know too much about him, but based on his mother, I know, that I do not have to be concerned about winding up as bait.”

“Kate,” he exhaled. “I am trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. You don’t know what kind of bastard he is! He and his whole f**king would kill all of us if they had the f**king chance, kids as well!”

She shook her head. “That’s a lie.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yes it is. I know it is! You both have a deal that the children would be spared, including Charlie!” he opened his mouth and she cut him off. “But even before the deal, he wasn’t killing children! He spared all seven of John’s children! If he was truly this bloodthirsty monster that you think he is, he’d have killed all of them! He would have killed me the moment he found out I was your wife!” She inhaled. “But he didn’t. He’s not like that.”

“Charlie misses you.” He says. “He asks where Kate is, every time he goes to bed.”

God, her heart breaks. “Don’t, you dare, use him that way.”

“It’s true.” He says. “It’s like Grace all over again.”

She inhales before stating firmly. “No, it’s not. Because grace was actually his mother. I am not. I wasn’t allowed to be! I was allowed to love him as much as a nanny was allowed to love the child in her care.”

“And I don’t want it to be that way anymore.” He stepped forward and cupped her face in his hands. “Kate---

“No.”

“I love you.” She shook her head. “Look at me,” he gently made her look at him. She saw sincerity there and this time…dear God, there actually was affection, no, love in his eyes. “I love you.” He repeated. “I don’t know why it took me losing you to realize that, but it did. I love you and I need you in my life. I want you, to come back with me and be my wife in every way. I’ll fire Lizzie; I won’t have any more dalliances with her or anyone else. I swear it; I’ll be faithful to you. I’ll let you be a mother to Charlie and I’ll make sure to treat you and love as every wife should be loved. Please,” oh, her heart was in trouble. “come back home with me.”

Kate inhaled deeply. Her heart was aching, her head was reeling. Yes, Thomas was being sincere and it truly hurt her. But her feelings towards him, they hadn’t changed. She inhaled and whispered. “I’m sorry.” 

He shook his head. “Kate---

“Please.” She placed a hand on his chest. “Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“Kate, I love you.”

“I know,” tears began to trickle down her cheeks. “and I am so, so sorry Thomas. If you’d have realized these feelings sooner…I might have felt the same way. But---

“I wanted to tell you, on Christmas Eve, but…things got in the way. Please, I'm asking for another chance, Kate.”

She bit her lip and whispered. “I don’t love you anymore.”

“Kate---

“Please, let me go.” She asked. “I-I want to go home.”

“With him?” 

"We're not together." she shook her head. “He’s given me a place to stay, it’s a rental, but, it feels like it’s my home. I can come and go as I please. I haven’t had that in so long.” She hesitated. “I-I don’t mean, to cause you pain but, he’s made me realize that I have been a prisoner for too long. First by George, then by you. I-I’ve not been able to do anything by myself for so long. He-he took me to a movie, that day we talked on the phone.” She shook her head. “I’ve never been to a movie before. I never had soda, popcorn…I know, its sounds stupid to you, but, I need time to find myself. I need time, to heal and I can’t do that with you.”

“But you can do that with him, eh?” he asked darkly, anger growing in his voice. “With Changretta?”

“He doesn’t push me, he doesn’t touch me and he maintains a distance. I know, it sounds terrible of me to say this, but…he’s been a friend to me. He has no expectations or demands from me.”

“A friend?” He shook his head. “Kate, you can’t be friends with him.”

“It’s not, those kind of friendships you’re thinking about. It’s platonic, he’s very respectful and he keeps it very, very proper. And,” she inhaled. “he gave me the option of returning to you when he had me. I’m asking, that you respect my decision and let me go back. Please. I don’t want people getting hurt because of me.”

“You want to go back,” he asked lowly. “to him?”

“Yes.” She nods. “I do.”

“Kate, it was a head shot and I took it.” Her entire body went stiff. “He’s dead.”

---

Kate went white. She went white like a sheet of paper. Her legs buckled and he caught her. All thoughts he’d had prior to this vanished. Her hand covered her mouth, as if she was going to vomit. “Kate?”

Her hand dropped from her mouth, her shoulders shook and she started gasping like she was going to vomit. He braced her shoulders, supporting her before she got sick. Her mouth opened, but instead of vomit, out came a cry. Now, he’d seen Kate cry many times, but it was nothing like this. A wail, almost akin to something like a wounded animal, but more haunting left her mouth. It grew and grew into a full-fledged scream. The scream was full of pain and he couldn’t understand it. It attracted the attention of his men who were outside and they all came to stand in doors, looking curiously at him.

“What happened Tom?” Johnny Dogs asked.

He shook his head. “I told her…Changretta was dead.”

This made no sense to him. The mere mention of Changretta caused her cries to get louder. She suddenly whirled around and started screaming in his face! “Killer! Killer! Killer!” Kate kept screaming as she began punching and kicking him. He grabbed her hands and looked around the room as Kate kept fighting and screaming. She was out of control! Almost like a mad animal! No, this was like when she found out John Carter was still alive.

He looked around and decided that the worktable was the closed thing to pin her against. She screamed hysterically and fought him as he pinned her there. F**k! He didn’t have to force her like this in months! Kate started grabbing tools off the table and tried throwing them at him! He grabbed her hands and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, securing and pinning her down.

“Kate, enough!”

“He was at church!” She screamed at him. “He was leaving church with his mother! And you, you killed him!! You f**king murderer!!”

the moment those words left her mouth. He knew. He knew it. He could hear it in her voice. He inhaled, barely holding back the anger as he asked. “How long Kate? How long have you been in love with Luca Changretta?”

Chapter 72: She's back

How long? How long have you been in love with Luca Changretta?

Kate heard those words, but, she couldn’t understand them. Her? In love with Luca Changretta? That was the strangest thing she’d ever heard in her life. They were friends, he was a very big part of her life. Were. Was. Past tense. He was dead. Thomas had shot him in the head.

Before she had a moment to think, Thomas grabbed her and spun her around to face him. “How f**king long Kate?!” He shouted at her.

“Never!” She shouted at him as hot tears poured violently down her cheeks. 

“Stop lying to me!” He ordered. “I know you! I’ve seen you like this before, but that was John Carter!”

“I was not in love with Luca Changretta!” she shouted back at him.

“But you are now!” He stated. “He’s dead and you realized that you were in love the whole f**king time!” she shook her head. “Don’t lie to me!”

“He was good to me!!” She shouted. “He was a friend!! He was a better man than you were!!”

“He killed John!!”

“And you killed his brother!!” She shouted at him. She’d had enough of this and she was so angry right now. She was in pain, it was like there was a weight on her chest and she had to scream to try to alleviate just the slightest of the pressure. He’d killed her friend. Yes, Luca was his enemy, but Luca was her friend. Thomas could say that he loved her, but if there was even the slightest chance that love could have come back to her heart, it was now destroyed. It was over. “You killed his father!!” she hit him upside the head with a tool of some sort. He yelled and grabbed his head! She saw blood and knew that she’d cut him! “You!” She shouted as she threw the tool on the ground and began chucking every single tool that was on the table at his head! “You know that if he killed you, it’d be justified!! You did this!” She shouted. “You did all this! John is dead because of you! Not him! Yes, his men pulled the trigger, but you did this, years ago!!”

“That’s a f**king lie!!” He shouted as he barely dodged a hammer to his face!

“That is f**king bullsh*t and you know it!!” She shouted at him as she kept throwing tools! “I swear to God, if he’d wanted proper revenge, he should have killed Lizzie!”

“Lizzie—

“Is the cause for this whole damn vendetta!!” She screamed out all the anger, pain and fury inside her. “Always her! Why the hell didn’t you just marry her??”

“Because I don’t love her!”

“You don’t know what love is!!” She shouts. “You never did!! John loved her, he wanted to marry her, but you made him marry Esme! He held a torch for her, for YEARS!! Even when she met Angel, you all couldn’t let her go! You burned down the restaurant, starting all this violence! You should have fired her the moment she started ‘sleeping with the enemy’! But no!!” She shook her head. “You and John couldn’t let her go! No, both of you still married and neither of you could let her go!! You know everything, you see everything, you knew John still had a torch for her and you let HIM handle the negotiations!?” She shook her head. “Then, instead of having him apologize, you let your damn pride get in the way! You said to destroy their clubs and John blinded and beat up Angel, sent him to the hospital! If ANYONE had done that to your family, you know damn well that you’d have ordered the man killed!!”

“Enough!!” He shouted. “Or I swear to God---

“You’ll bend me over a table and f**k me to teach me a lesson!!” She shouted at him as she stared him down. “Yes, yes, I know! I’ve heard it all before and I’ve had all done to me from George. I am not taking anymore of this lying down! I don’t care if you kill me after this because you know that I’m right! Grace was killed because you couldn’t get rid of your f**king whore!” Thomas grabbed her and backed her against the wall. “It’s true and you know it’s true!! And then, because of the mistakes YOU made, you had his brother killed and his father murdered!!”

“Arthur pulled the f**king trigger!!”

“And you couldn’t,” she shouted. “because you knew deep down that you were wrong!! That it was murder!! And then you wanted Luca’s mother killed?? An old woman?! You just go around killing people, trying to get rid of the guilt inside you because you can’t kill yourself or your prize whore!!”

“I said,” he shouted. “enough!!”

“And I said, I don’t care!!” She shouted back at him. “I swear…if I had a gun, I’d probably kill you right now!” His blue eyes flashed as she shouted. “And I’d probably enjoy watching you die!”

“You don’t mean that, Kate.”

“Don’t tell me what I do or do not mean!” She declared. “Stop telling me what I do or do not want!”

“No, you don’t!” He said. “I know, how this works. You think your entire world is f**king over, but its not!”

“I know it’s not!” She shouted. “Because I’m going to live and I don’t care, if I have to fight you every day of my f**king life, I will! I’m not yours! I’m what he helped me become! You keep asking what’s gotten into my head, it ‘was him! He helped me find my voice, my fight again and I am not going to submit to you ever again.”

“You’re my f**king wife!”

“I’m not your wife!” Kate pulled off the ring and threw it in his face! He froze. “I’m not your wife! I may not have been in love with Lucia, but he taught me something that you never could f**k into me. But I am a special woman, smart, intelligent and I am worth more than anything that you can afford! You can’t own me and I won’t let you own me! Now get your f**king hands off me! I’m going to his mother because she’s just lost her entire family and I will not leave her to go through all that alone!” 

he stared down at her and she inhaled. There was so much anger and fury between them right now. Pain as well. Thomas had her pinned on the table and he was staring her down. She wasn’t scared of him, even now. He didn’t know who she was anymore. She barely knew who she was, but she was coming back. The girl she used to be when she was younger was coming back, the fire, the life…it was all coming back to her. She could feel it, it was growing inside her with a burning fury. It had had been gone for so long, but it was back. She was back. She finally felt whole again. He stared down at her, the anger was gone now, it was replaced with a curiosity. No, it was like he was seeing her for the very first time again. She held his gaze, letting him know that she wasn’t the same girl a month ago. Somehow, Luca had made her whole, made her stronger and whole again without ever putting a hand on her.

“What’d he f**king do to you?" He asked quietly, looking very bewildered.

She held his gaze as she said. “He put me back together. You won’t know me anymore, because I am not the same girl that you knew. He helped me find myself again and I am not going to let this fire go. So, I’m telling you for the last time, to get your hands off me because I am walking out that door.”

Before Thomas could say a word, a man shouted. “Get your f**king hands off Katherine!” 

Kate whipped around and looked towards the voice but she knew who it was before she even turned. There was only one man in the world who ever called her Katherine.

And that man, was Luca Changretta.

---

His heart was pounding violently in his chest, his hands were shaking with anger as he’d entered the room to see that Shelby had Katherine pinned on the table. It had taken a moment to subdue Shelby’s men. Katherine had been the unknowingly perfect distraction. The men had all been knocked out, one at a time and left on the floor. It had taken a moment to get to the door, but he’d listened a minute and his heart had soared as he heard Katherine throw her ring in Shelby’s face. He’d been able to peer through the glass and while he’d been concerned for Katherine, it was Shelby’s face he found fascinating. It was the face of a man who’d opened a treasure chest to find it empty. Katherine had been a precious jewel and Shelby had left her unguarded.

When Katherine again demanded  that Shelby release her, he and his men moved in with their guns. Katherine turned and looked at him…and his heart nearly stopped as every inch of her face lit up. “Luca?” that was the first time, she’d ever called him Luca. It was always Mr. Changretta. Now, he was Luca and that caused him to smile internally. Then, she started to cry a little bit. “You’re alive!”

“Yes,” he assured her as best as he could as he approached with his gun in hand. “I’m alright, carina.”

“Carina?” Shelby asked from where he still had her pinned on the table.

“It means, friend, Shelby.” He said. “Something that you can’t understand. Now, get off her.”

Shelby did reluctantly and Katherine pushed him away from her. She grabbed her purse and hurried towards him, joy and relief on her face. She’d been crying…for him. Shelby had clearly told her that he’d killed him with a headshot. Yes, Shelby had shot him in the head, but his aim hadn’t been so good. It had been a deep graze and he’d gone down for a moment. He’d forced himself to his feet and jumped into the backseat of a car. The driver had protested, but the moment he’d pressed the gun against the man’s head, the man had shut up and complied. They’d followed Shelby down the streets to the warehouse. There’d been a phone around the corner and he’d called the hotel. His two men, Emilio and Calogero had hailed a cab and like him, put a gun to the driver’s head. His driver had calmed down mid-chase once he said a woman had been abducted and they were following the car. The driver stayed around the corner, waiting for his men to show up. He’d said he’d wait so they could get the girl out quickly. After that, it had been a matter of getting his men into the warehouse, tying up Shelby’s men. He wasn’t wasting bullets on the kids that Shelby had used for the abduction and he could tell the other’s were family men.

Katherine approached and wrapped both her arms around his shoulders as best as she could. God, her being six inches shorter than him was so sweet. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close, maintaining eye contact with Shelby. Shelby knew. He could see it in his eyes. This was the moment, the vendetta became even more personal. Avenging family was one thing, but two men loving one woman…it was different. It made it even more dangerous and complicated.. This wasn’t going to be a vendetta anymore. It was going to be a bloodbath.

“You’re bleeding!” Katherine said as she pulled out his handkerchief, attempting to press it to his face. Ah, yes, he had been bleeding steadily. “We need to get you to a hospital.”

“Alright.” H said as he backed away, keeping his gun trained on Shelby. “I’ve got the car out front. We’ll get you looked at too.”
“I’m alright. I’m more concerned about you.”

Shelby crossed his arms and stated. “I’m not giving her a divorce, Changretta.” Katherine let out a groan. “It’s clear now, that you want her. She may not know it yet, but she wants you. She’s in love with you.”

Katherine flinched and he flexed his hand on her back, assuring her that it was alright. “Nothing,” he said firmly. “has happened between us. She needed a friend and I have been there for her like you should have. And if she did love me,” he felt her inhale deeply. “there’s no need to shame her for something like love. She’s been loyal to your family, she’s told me nothing and I’ve respected her vow of honor.”

“I was there for her, when you were all the way over in America. You didn’t even know she existed.” Shelby crossed his arms. “You’ll have to call off this vendetta, but I won’t give her the divorce which means…that you’ll have to f**k her as my wife.” He was going to kill Shelby and he was going to enjoy it. “She’ll always be my wife. She’ll always be your whore and my wife. Once a Shelby, always a Shelby.”

Luca had made it to the door by now and he stated. “Then I’ll have to kill you Shelby.” He felt Katherine tense under his hand. “But not here, not now. Katherine hates violence, I spared your men for that reason. But know this, when I do kill you, I’ll do it so she can’t see you die. Because I’m going to take my time and I’m going to break every bone in your f**king body before I kill you. After I blow your f**king brains out…I'm gonna send your head to your family. Or what’s left of them by the time I get to you.”

“You kill me,” he says firmly. “and she’ll see you as the man who killed the man who saved her life. She may have forgotten it, but she knows, that she’d have been killed a long time ago. Neither of us win her, we both lose her.”

He shrugged. “We’ll see. I’m a patient man Shelby, unlike you…I can wait as long as it f**king takes.” With that, he backed out the door and secured it, locking Shelby in the room. He turned to his men. “Let’s go!”

He held firmly onto Katherine’s hand as they ran out of the warehouse. They rounded the corner and sure enough, the driver was actually waiting there! “Is she alright?” the man asked. “Does she need a doctor?”

“I’m fine!” Katherine assured the man as Luca held the door open for her and she got in the car. She grabbed his hand ad pulled him in. “He needs a doctor! He’s still bleeding!” 

“Right away.” Emilio and Calogero piled into the car and the driver took off! 

He exhaled and leaned back in the chair. His head was killing him. He wasn’t sure what had kept him going when he’d been shot, but he wasn’t going to leave her in Shelby’s hands. 

He felt her hand on his face and she gently turned his face towards her. She was still scared, her hands were shaking as she tried to stop the bleeding. He took her hand and said quietly. “I’m alright, carina.”

She inhaled as she whispered. “I thought I lost you, my carina.”

He shook his head. “No. I’m not losing you to Shelby or Sabini. You’re safe.”

Katherine hesitated briefly before wrapping her arms around him and he held onto her. He exhaled as her presence calmed his heart and soul. One day, he’d tell her the truth. Carina did not mean friend. 

It meant sweetheart.

But he knew one thing. Katherine wasn’t safe in England anymore. He’d have to make a call, get a rush put on those papers because the sooner she was away from all of this the better. He needed her to be safe. He needed her to be away from him before she worked herself so completely into his heart and soul that he gave up the vendetta just to keep her happy. But he needed her to be free. He didn’t care what it took, if he had to torture Shelby or kidnap his kid, he would make Shelby sign the divorce papers and she would be free. Even if she didn’t come to him in the end after all of this, she deserved to be free and he was going to make sure that she got that freedom.

Chapter 73: In the doctor's office

“Carina,” Luca said as the doctor put in the final stitches. “will you sit down a minute?”

she shook her head. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not.” He said as he squeezed her hand. “You’re shaking and you look like you’re about to faint and I can’t move while he’s putting in the stitches!” she groaned and sat down right beside him. He tightened his grip on her hand. “Don’t go anywhere.”

“Your mother must be so worried.”

He exhaled and groaned. “F**k, I left her on the street.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Tell Shelby that.” Luca said. “I’ll call the church, maybe she’s there praying.”

“I hope so.”

He exhaled. “It’s alright, it’s just business.”

“It’s my fault.” she said quietly.

“No,” he said gently. “it’s Shelby’s. He killed my father and my brother.”

“For today,” she repeated. “it’s my fault.”

Luca was silent for a long time, then he stated. “You brought a girl home to her father today before she was hurt.”

Kate shuddered. The reason why the man that Luca had hijacked had been so helpful, his only daughter had been kidnapped in the streets, in broad daylight. People had stared and done nothing; the police had found nothing. Upon hearing the age of the girl, thirteen and the neighborhood, she was last seen in, Luca figured that she’d been grabbed by Sabini for one of his orgies. Based on her age, she was virgin, meaning that she’d be trained before being auctioned off. He’d sent Calogero and Emilio to one of the underground clubs and sure enough, the girl had been there.

“That’s, one good thing about today.”

He was quiet, then he said. “I heard the speech you gave Shelby,” she stilled. “right after you threw your ring at him.” She didn’t need to look at him to see the smile on his face, she could hear it. “I’m proud of you.”

She inhaled as she croaked. “For betraying them and siding with you?”

“You didn’t’ side with me,” he said. “you chose yourself. You finally saw yourself as you’ve always been. Smart and beautiful…and you’re so strong.”

Tears started to prickle her eyes. “I’m not strong.”

“In the middle of everything…you thought of my mother. He’s threatening you, he told you that I’ve been left for dead in the street….and you’re yelling at him to get his hands off you, because you were going to my mother.” He brought his hand up so he could thumb away her tears with his thumb. “I’ve never met a woman, like you, in my life, Katherine Kovach.”

Kate hesitated before confessing quietly. “I haven’t…met anyone like you either, Luca Changretta.”

Luca pulled her towards him. “Come here.” Kate shivered as he pulled her into his arms. “Shh,” he said gently. “it’s going to be alright.”

Kate shook her head. “It won’t be. As long as both of your are fighting, it won’t be alright.”

“Eh,” Luca nods. “now we come to it. Doc, can you step out a minute? Finish me in 10 minutes or so.”

“No.” Kate shook her head. “Finish him up, make sure he’s alright and then step out, please.” She inhaled. “I don’t want him to get an infection or anything.”

“Doc.” He said. “Out.”

The doctor cleared his throat. “Mr. Changretta, I have been married for nearly forty years. My wife and I have had many an argument,” Kate felt her face redden. “now, as a man who’s been in a similar argument…it’s better not to argue with her.”

“She’s not my wife.” Luca stated firmly.

“Yet.” Kate felt Luca tighten his grip on her hand. The doctor smirked as he surveyed his handiwork. “I have a feeling about these things. Two more stitches, then I’ll leave the two of you to talk. Instructions will be at the desk.”

Kate just sat there, tightly holding Luca’s hand and feeling like an idiot. After the final stitches, the doctor left the room and for a moment, neither of them spoke. Luca, was the one who spoke first. “So, I’m guessing this is about the argument with Shelby?”

She nodded. What Luca had said, it had bothered her. “Are you…really going to do all that to him? Send his head to his family?”

He was silent for a long time. “Not the head, but the rest of it…yes.”

After a long few minutes, she whispered. “Can I be honest with you?”

“Always.” He said quietly. He stood up and moved closer to her. “But I already know what you’re going to say.”

She inhaled, not daring to look at him. “You do?”

“These people…they’re your family and you care about them.” She nodded. “But they killed my entire family. I can’t look the other way or let that go.”

She inhaled as she nodded. “I know and I understand that. But, it’s just---

“It hurts you.” He exhaled as she looked up at him. “I know, I see this. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I know, I truly believe that.” She inhaled as she held his gaze. “I honestly believe you’re the one man in the world who would never, ever hurt me.” Heat blossomed in her face at that admission, but it was true. “But…they were a kind of family to me and when Thomas reminded me of Charlie,” she shook her head. “I started to remember things. Not, that I’d forgotten them completely, but, I was trying to put the past behind me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“But they’re in my past. They’re a part of my past and I carry a part of them into my future.” She inhaled as she said. “They protected me from Sabini and Thomas…he killed every single man that raped me.”

“Except for Darby,” he reminded her. “because it was good business. And because he was George's brother...I suspect he hurt you the most.”

He had. She inhales as she nods. “He has always been a man with a good head for business. Not so good with feelings.” She sniffles. “But, that’s who he is. Can’t change him anymore than I could change you.”

He hesitates before asking her. “Do you still love him?”

She shook her head. “No. I haven’t loved him for a while. He can say that he loves me, but…it’s not really love. I’d know, mine, came out of a place of emptiness. He’s always been alone and he hates to admit failure. The inability to make our marriage work and hold onto me is just one more thing that’s out of his control.” She inhaled. “He’s not really angry or jealous, he’s upset that someone did something that he couldn’t do. He always think he’s unbreakable and he can’t deal with little cracks in his armor.”

“Sounds like,” he said quietly. “you know him very well.”

She shook her head. “No one truly knows Thomas Shelby, not even Thomas Shelby himself.” She leaned forward a little. “I’ve known that darkness, you’ve seen it. All of us who’ve been in this life have been touched by it. He’s been drowning it and there are days I’ve looked at him and wondered how the hell he’s still moving forward because it shouldn’t be possible for him to still be alive.” There’s a silence, a long silence of understanding. After a few moments, she adds. “I am not blind enough to be unsympathetic to your own suffering, anger and pain.” She looked up at him. “I didn’t trust you at first, because everyone painted you as this man who wasn’t past slaughtering children.” 

He shifted a little closer. “And now? You look at me and see what?”

“I see a grieving son and a mourning brother.” Those green eyes of his softened a little. “And that, is what makes this thing so hard for me. They took your father, brother, nearly killed your mother. I understand and respect your reasoning, just as much as I understand his. It’s just, right now…I feel like I’m trapped between the two of you and at some point I have to chose between the two of you.”

“I wouldn’t ask that of you.” He said.

“You wouldn’t, because you’re good in that way.”

“I don’t expect any loyalty from you, I expect you, to be true to yourself.” She looked up at him as he nodded. “This is between me and Shelby. You are still his wife and if you chose him over everything…I’m not going to stand between the two of you.”

“But you are,” she said simply and honestly. “and you always will be.” Her face heated at those words. It wasn’t meant to sound romantic, but now, with Thomas’s accusations, it did sound romantic “As you told him, nothing’s happened between us. But you,” she shook her head. “God, you’ve given me a rather conceited view of myself. Today, I had to open my car door and I thought of you, how you said it was a form of respect to me. He’s my husband, he’s supposedly rescued me because he loves me. But there’s no such respect from him and it’s not just the door. It’s the wishes and if I say no, I do mean no and I don’t want there to be pressure. It’s like I give everything and he just takes and takes from me.” She exhaled. “I’m afraid, you’ve spoiled me unintentionally and started to leave me wanting higher standards when it comes to the men in my life.”

“Good. You deserve it. Like I said…,he should be lucky to have you as wife. You’re loyal and kind…a man’d have to look far to find a woman like you.” Something, for some reason, in the way he said that sounded familiar to her. "I admit...you are making this vendetta a lot harder than it needs to be. But I will avenge my father and brother, even if it kills me." She looked up at him, getting drawn into those green eyes of his. Something, felt…different. Familiar, but different. “Does it bother you, me having killed John?”

he drew her right out of her thoughts to the present. She bit her lip as she admitted. “I liked John, he was nice to me and yes,” tears built in her eyes. “it hurts, so much. But I also know what they did to your father and brother. I have been in this life since I was a kid. My father, as you know, was a gangster so I know about how rules and honor go. “I’d be lying if I said that you weren’t within your rights to balance the scales.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am, but at the same time,” her heart breaks as she says. “I knew John. He was such a very good man, he had a wife and seven children! I don't know what your brother was like, but if he was anything like you, his presence is missed in this world."

"He was the good one."

"That...only makes that worse." She shook her head. "So, it hurts to know that you’re both right, yet know that you’re both so wrong at the same time!”

he’s silent, then he says. “I’m going to see if I can get your papers sped up. I think, you need to be away from this as possible.”

She nodded in agreement. “Yes, but…I don’t want to leave you.” He looks at her, a strange, intense gaze that nearly caused her heart to stop beating. “I don’t…what if you get hurt?”

“I’ll stay in contact with you, just like here. If something goes wrong, I’ll make sure my mother calls you. Alright?”

“Yes.” she bites her lip and she says. “I have, one thought. I’m not going to ask it because it’s your vendetta. But, Charlie Shelby.”

“Tommy’s boy?” she nods. He exhales. “What is it?”

“If you kill him and all the Shelby family, he’ll be an orphan. Linda, she won’t want Tommy’s son. Ada,” she inhales. “she has a boy---

“I’ll take Ada off the list.”

She stared at him in surprise. “I didn’t ask you to do that.”

“I know. But, she’s a mother, not really involved in this and if I do get Shelby, that boy’ll need somewhere to go.” He exhaled. “I’ll see, if I can make a deal with Shelby in exchange for taking her off the list.”

She frowned. “Like what?”

“I’ll send him your divorce papers. If he signs them…I’ll take her off the list.”

She stared at him. “You’d do that for me?”

He nods. “Yes. Taking her off, it’s no deal to me, but, getting your papers, it’s important. You’ve been married to two f**king animals already. Don’t need to stay married to him.”

Kate hesitates. “I don’t think, he’ll go for that, but, if you think it’s worth a shot---

“I think so.” He nods. “As you said, he’s a man of business. It’s business I’m suggesting to him.” He then asks her directly. “If I kill Shelby, how will you feel?”

she bites her lip as she searches her soul. There is no answer. She shakes her head. “I don’t know. If you did, I’d be free from him and his name. That’d be wonderful, but I will always remember how I got that freedom. But if you don’t kill him…I know that he will chase me to the ends of the earth until he’s caught me. If he catches me, I’m back in his house and it’ll all pretty much go back to the way it was beforehand.” She shakes her head in defeat. “He was right. No one wins. Everyone loses.”

“It’s not over yet.” Luca said quietly.

“If no one wins, it doesn’t matter if it’s over or not.” And even though he didn’t say it, she knew that he agreed with her. It was over…and it hadn’t even started.

Chapter 74: Honor and goodbye

One month later,

---

The knock on the door caused Kate to hurry to the door. Calogero had told her that Luca would be coming over to visit her this evening and she was tired. After Luca had gotten shot, everything had changed. Luca had two men instead of one watching her. Never Mateo, because he seemed to know that Mateo made her uncomfortable. She didn’t know what it was, she just didn’t like being around him.

Mrs. Changretta was alright. Luca was right, she’d gone to the church and stayed in there to pray. When she and Luca returned, Mrs. Changretta hugged Luca so strongly that Kate felt herself longing for that kind of love from her mother. But she’d never felt a hug from her mother. Mrs. Changretta seemed to sense that, for she’d promptly hugged her.

Dinner, had gone surprisingly well. Mrs. Changretta had made Gnocchi di Patate and tiramisu for dessert. Kate had rolled the gnocchi while Luca and his mother talked. Sometimes, Mrs. Changretta said something in Italian that she suspected was about Tommy, but she wasn’t sure. Luca always managed to steer the conversation back into English. Then, Mrs. Changretta decided to grill Kate about herself. And in typical mother fashion, Mrs. Changretta decided to embarrass Luca and tell embarrassing stories about him and his brother. It was funny, watching Luca turn red as his mother told story after story. But he allowed it, Kate could tell because he was glad to see his mother was having fun.

After that, Luca picked her up for nearly every Sunday dinner with his mother. He was able to get her papers nearly two weeks early. She suspected that he was coming because he had the papers. That was confirmed when she opened the door and saw him in with the papers in hand. She exhaled. “Well, I’d ask what bring you here, but, I can see it.”

“Yeah.” He nods. “May I come in?”

she nods. “Yes, I’m sorry. I forgot my manners.”

“Don’t be.” He came in and she realized that he had a small box under his arm. He cleared his throat before explaining. “I thought, you’d want to read something when you’re on your trip.”

“T-thank you.” She swallowed and asked. “When’s the boat leaving?”

he inhaled and confessed. “Day after tomorrow.”

She stilled. “That’s…fast.”

“Yeah.” He nods. “I don’t know how Shelby knew you’d be at the store. So, I want to get out as soon as possible.” She nods in understanding. He exhaled. “Also, I want you to sit down a minute.”

The blood drained out of her face. “Luca---

“It’s nothing to do with the Shelby family.” He said gently. “It’s something else, sit down Katherine.”

She nodded uneasily. “Alright.” She sat down on the couch and he sat down on the coffee table opposite her. She set down the papers and asked. “What happened?”

He held his hands out to her and she slid hers in his without hesitating. He exhaled and ran his thumbs over her knuckles. “This’ll show up in the papers tomorrow morning, so, I don’t want it to shock you.” She nodded as he inhaled before stating. “Darby Sabini is dead.” 

She stilled. Of all the things she was expecting to hear, that wasn’t it. She stared at him, a mixture of shock and relief flooding throughout her body. “What?”

“I killed him.” He explains. “Sabini had a fight with the guy who runs his underground club and fired him. So, I sent a note, from him, stating that he had information on where to find the girl who got away. He came with one guard. After killing the guard…I had a talk with him.” He inhaled and the moment he looked at her with those green eyes, she knew. “He told me a little about what he and his brother did to you.” shame filled her and she jumped up. Luca got up too, he held his hand out to stop her, but he didn’t touch her. “Killing him was a good thing.”

“I didn’t ask you to do that.”

“I know, but it was my honor to do that for you. I want you to be safe and I want you to feel like you're safe.” She sniffled and wiped her eyes. She wouldn’t cry over this, Sabini had enough tears from her. In truth, she was more touched that Luca had killed Sabini. He was Italian and Sabini had been a business associate of his. Him killing Sabini, was insane. He shook his head in admiration. “I had no idea…just how f**king strong you are.”

She inhaled raggedly. “W-what did he tell you?”

 “He only told me about your first time, with him and his brother. I’m sorry.” Tears filled her eyes and he gently wiped them away with his thumb. “It shouldn’t have been like that, carina.” his soft-spoken words melted her heart in a way that couldn’t be expressed. He shifted closer. “Now, with Sabini dead…I’ll keep Shelby occupied. You can go to America, do whatever you want and have some time to yourself, just as you deserve. Wear what you want, eat what you want, travel the whole f**king world if you want. Just know that you can do it without Sabini ever coming after you.” 

“Thank you, Luca,” tears started dripping down her face. “I-I didn’t ask you to do that for me.”

“I know.” He said. “But after everything…I want you to be f**king free.” He then guided her back to the couch  reached for the envelope of papers and opened them up. “There’s a lot in here, but it’s all done. First, your American birth certificate, you don’t have to go through everything.”

She looked down at certificate. “Kathleen Davis.” That was her new name now.

He nods. “Yes,” he hands her another piece of paper “this, is your American bank account. You can make withdrawals without needing a letter.” He exhaled deeply. “I don’t like the idea of you running out of money, so, I’ve arranged for 1% of everything I make, to go into your account each month.”

She gasped in shock. “Luca!”

“It’s not that much, only $500.”

“Luca---

“If you invest it, you should make double that easy enough.”

“Luca, hold it!” She holds up a hand. “I can’t take your money.”

“Yes, you can. It’s not much----

“Luca!” she shook her head. “I’m serious! I am so very grateful for everything you’ve done for me! I can’t take money from you as well.”

He exhaled. “I already set it up, it’ll happen automatically each month, nothing you can do about it."

She shook her head, admiration building in her chest more and more for this man with every passing second. “You’re a great man Luca Changretta, in case no one’s told you that in a long time.”

“Been a while, but,” he smirks. “doesn’t hurt anything.” She laughs lightly. He clears his throat. “All your medical papers and everything are taken care of. You’ll have no problem.” She inhaled deeply, excitement building in her. Finally, she was going to be able to get out of England. “I won’t be able to take you to the boat,” he said quietly, causing that excitement to vanish into thin air. “so, I thought we could say our good-byes here.”

She suddenly felt a tightening in her chest. “You’re…not seeing me off?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I made arrangements with two girls to take you. They’ll draw less suspicion than me. They’re also redheads, so, if all three of you go and Shelby’s men happen to see you, you’ll switch clothes with one of the others.”

She felt a spark of jealously as she asked. “And how do you know these girls?”

“Ah, cousins… Marianne and Ilene. They’ll get you on the boat.” All of a sudden, Kate didn’t want to go. “I’ve got 2 friends who’ll meet you when you dock. They’re husband and wife, the code word is finalmente libero.”

“What does that mean in English?”

“Finally free.” He said lowly, Kate’s heart slowly started to crack. “Which is what you’ve always wanted.”

“Yes, I-I know,” she inhaled before confessing. “I wasn’t expecting…to want to stay.”

“You can do this.” He said quietly. “You’re stronger than you think you are.”

She inhaled as she blinked back tears. “God, I hope so. I really don’t think I’m as strong as you like to give me credit for.”

He exhaled deeply before glancing at his watch. “I can’t stay long, it’s getting late.”

She nodded. “I know, I understand.” Luca stood up, as did she, their hands still locked together. He hesitated before asking. “Is alright, if I kiss you goodbye?” her heart jumped in her chest as his request. He wanted to kiss her? “On the cheek?”

Ok, that made more sense. “Yes. Of course.” 

As she nodded, Kate realized that maybe, just maybe Thomas’s originally unfounded accusations weren’t so far-fetched. God, feelings that she was slowly and suddenly becoming aware of began to fill her chest. No! She wasn’t having feelings for Luca! He was a friend and he’d done so much for her. Nothing he’d ever done had indicated anything more than a simple friendship. Luca leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek and against her will, she inhaled deeply as a warm shiver ran down her throat to her stomach. Unable to stop herself, she reached for him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Luca paused, but he returned the hug, moving slowly and making it clear to her what he was doing. Only once his arms were around her and she hadn’t objected, did he hold onto her. Low and behold, Kate didn’t want him to let go of her! They held onto each other, far longer than it was necessary.

Luca was the first one to break hold and when he did, she said. “Be careful, Luca.”

His brow arched in surprise. “You mean that?”

“Yes.” She said honestly. “I don’t want you to get hurt. There are so few good and decent men in this world, that it’d be a shame to lose you. I’m hoping for a peaceful resolve in the end, even though I know it’s not logical.”

“I know.” He nods. “I’ll be careful.” He reached into his pocket and handed her a card. “Has my room number on it. You can call me there when you’ve arrived.”

“Ok.” Kate inhaled and held onto his hand as he began to walk slowly towards the door. She bit her lip before blurting out. “God, I’m going to miss you.” He turned towards her and her face heated as she said. “You’ve been, a very good friend to me Luca. I really, don’t know what I did in this world to deserve you and your friendship, but I am so blessed to have it.”

He turned towards her, his hand on the knob. "As am I. You're a wonderful woman Katherine. I'm very glad to have you in my life." He reached up and gently ran the back of his hand, saying something in Italian to her. Kate closed her eyes, listening to the words and wishing that she knew what he was saying. His hand left her face, but he kept talking. Suddenly, the door closed and Kate opened her eyes and she realized that she was all alone. She’d been alone before, but this was the first time that being alone was slowly tearing her heart in two.

What was going on with her!? Was she in love with Luca? Is that why this goodbye was so hard? No! She wasn’t going to fall in love again! Every time she fell in love, something went wrong! First john, then Tommy and if she fell in love with Luca and lost him and his friendship. She’d die. She’d want to die because without him she’d have no reason to live.

Chapter 75: Passerotta

Take care, love of my life. May God protect you until the day arrives that I can protect you myself.

Those were the words he’d said to her before closing the door on her. F**k! He hated goodbyes! He remembered having to say goodbye to his parents when he’d left for America all those years ago. That had sucked. But this…having to say goodbye to the woman that he loved without telling her how he felt. It was torture. It was absolute torture. He’d never had such a miserable feeling before in his life!

He heard her letting out little, impatient babbling sounds in the house and wondered if she was as conflicted as he felt. When he heard her start crying…he had to force himself to leave the porch. If he’d gone back to the door, into the house…he’d tell her everything he’d been holding down and back from the moment he’d laid eyes on her  that night in the garden. She may be married to Shelby, but she was his. Every f**king inch of her knew that, even if she didn’t understand how she was his. He’d started to see it, the little light in her eyes when she looked up at him. Even the way she spoke around him was different since he rescued her. She was much more open and she talked to him more freely. 

Patience, he told himself. He needed to be patient. She’d been hurt, kept a prisoner for so long and she needed some freedom. She needed to get out and see what the world had to offer her. It’d be another six months, at least before he was able to return to America. They’d stay in contact and even though she was annoyed about the money, he wanted her to be safe. He wanted her to have fun and to enjoy herself without worrying about a single thing. It was a small thing to pay for to ensure her happiness. 

“Did you tell her yet?” Calogero asked him as he moved towards the gate.

“Tell her what?” 

Calogero shook his head. “You assigned me to her, because you know that she feels comfortable around me. After her nearly getting taken by Shelby…it became clear how you feel about her.” He said nothing, just shook his head. “Shelby take the deal?”

that angered him. “No. Haven’t heard from him.”

“He won’t protect his sister?”

“Oh he will, but, he’s a jealous little boy. Thinks that because he put a f**king ring on her hand that he owns her.” He exhales deeply. “F**king bastard.”

Calogero exhaled deeply. For a moment, all was silent there was simply the scent of Calogero smoking a cigarette. Another reminder of something he’d given up for Katherine before he’d even known her name. After a moment, Calogero said. “She feels the same way.”

That, piqued his interest. He glanced at him. “How do you know?”

“I can tell.” Calogero smirked. “When I tell her you’re on the phone, she runs down here, a smile on her face. When she knows you’re coming, I catch her looking out the window for you. Sometimes, she walks down to the gate and peers down the street. The clocks are off in her place.” He frowned. “I think she rolled them back five minutes, that way when you visit you stay a little longer.”

He smiled to himself. Yeah, if that was true, five years from now they’d be engaged. Married in seven and expecting their first a year or two after that. But only if she wanted to, if she didn’t want to be with him, he was fairly certain the was prepared to live a perfectly celibate marriage. He got more pleasure from just speaking to her, holding her and watching her come alive. He hadn’t been with another woman for nearly two years. Not that he hadn’t wanted to, it’s just that something had been missing in his life and he’d gotten tired of meaningless sex. He’d wanted something more. He hadn’t known what it was, but he’d found it that night in the garden and he’d known from that moment that he’d found his future wife. He hadn’t known her name, they hadn’t even spoken two words, but when he’d held her and prevented her from falling in the fountain, that was the moment he known that he was holding his future wife. 

His father had told him when he’d met the love of his life, he’d know it. He’d been right, he just hadn’t told him what to do when the love of his life was married to somebody else! In time, a solution would present itself to him, he just wasn’t sure what it was.

---

One week later,

---

She hated America. She hadn’t even been here five minutes and she HATED it! New York was dirty and the air wasn’t as clean. Everything smelled strange and she was tired! People were everywhere and she hated it. It was so crammed and everyone was speaking different languages. She’d been utterly miserable despite Mr. and Mrs. Espsito’s hospitality. She was sick to her stomach here. She didn’t like America. Maybe when she got further west it would get better.

 Even though she wasn’t feeling well, she chatted with her two new guides. Well, they chatted and she listened as they arrived at Hotel Tuscany. It was beautiful, but she wasn’t in a good enough humor to enjoy it. She was absolutely miserable, nauseous and had a headache. After signing in, the concierge asked her to wait a moment. She did, reluctantly. Then, she remembered that Luca asked her to check in once she’d arrived and her day got a little brighter. It took every ounce of will power that she had not to act like she was anxious to hear his voice again.

The concierge finally smiled and handed her the phone. “Mr. Changretta for you.”

“Thank you.” She nearly snatched it from his hand in her earnestness to speak to him. “Hello? Luca?”

Katherine? God, she nearly broke down and bawled. Oh! She missed him so much! Can you hear me?

“Yes!” she inhaled sharply. “Yes, I-I can hear you!”

Good! He said with an exhale. Oh, he was worried! She shook her head and smiled. Why was Luca always so concerned for her? It was beyond touching. Mama said that she misses you already.

“I miss her too.” She was unable to stop herself from adding, I miss you as well, Luca.”

I miss you too, il mio piccolo canarino. My little canary. Kate shook her head. Him and his pet names about birds. Did you have a good voyage? Did they take care of you?

“Yes. There was no problem with the papers.”

That’s good. She covered her mouth to hide a yawn, which he heard. Are you tired?

God, she hated how he was able to hear these things. “I am a little tired,  I didn’t care for the car ride, but I wanted to talk with you.”

I won’t keep you long. Did you get your room?

“Yes, the bellboys are unloading the bags.” 

Are the Espositos being a good guide?

“Yes, but,” she shook her head before adding quietly. “they’re so American.”

 He laughed. I’m American.

“You’re more Italian than American, Luca.”

Ah, as you said, I’ve spoiled you.

She shook her head as she admitted. “You’ve, no idea.”

He exhaled. I should let you go. You’ve got some unpacking to do and you’ll want a few days to rest up. Call me once you’re settled.

“I will and Luca, thank you for arranging this hotel. It’s so beautiful.”

Only but the best for you. Her face warmed. Why? Why was everything about him so perfect. Get some rest, alright?

“Yes Luca. Tell your mother hello for me.”

I will.

She bit her lip before reluctantly saying, “Goodbye Luca.”

Goodbye passerotta. 

She didn’t even hear him hang up the phone. Passerotta. The moment he said that, her entire body froze and she just stared dead ahead. She’d heard that word before. She knew it, she knew that she knew it, but she just couldn’t believe. She turned to the concierge, her fingers still tightly gripping the phone. He was saying something to her, but she couldn’t hear it. All she could hear was Luca’s voice in her head calling her passerotta. 

She turned to the concierge and stuttered out. “W-what does passerotta mean?” she knew it. She knew it in her soul, but she still wanted confirmation.

“Little sparrow, but with---

“Feelings.” She said out loud. She shook her head as she leaned on the desk, her hand shaking as her whole world suddenly began to make sense to her again. In that moment, with the blink of an eye, she knew.

The man in the garden…it was Luca! 

Her heart beat faster and faster in her chest as her mind began to catch up with everything. Luca had been the man to kiss her in the garden! It all made sense now!! All the bird nicknames! The gentle way that he’d been encouraging to move forward. He’d never, ever told her that he had feelings for her. But that kiss in the garden, God! Her heart was beating so fast in her chest now that she knew it was going to explode! She covered her mouth to hold back a little cry as a smile spread across her face.

All this time, he’d kept that to himself. He was probably giving her space, but, they were nearly 4,000 miles apart from each other. Something, she didn’t know what it was, was telling her to go. To return back to England and give Luca a piece of her mind. No, that wasn’t it. She wanted to talk to Luca. She wanted to see his face when she told him that she knew that he was the mystery man. It made sense why she’d stopped thinking about the otherman. No. That wasn’t it.

She wanted to see him. No, she needed to see him.

From the moment she’d gotten on that boat, it had been a mistaken. She’d known it when he came by to give her the paperwork and she knew it now. Her heart had taken flight back to England and now, she wanted to join it there. She wasn’t in love with Luca, at least, she didn’t think she was. No, she was! She was in the beginning stages of love and it had been so long since she'd been in love that she'd nearly failed to recognize it for what it truly was! This...it wasn't anything like she'd felt before and she wanted to learn more about it. Luca, he undoubtedly was already there with his feelings for her, judging by his protective nature. She reflected back on everything, all the little touches, the beautiful things that he said to her and the way he respected her so much. It also explained his reaction when he'd seen her in his hotel room for the first time, why he'd been so angry and why he'd wanted her protected.

He loved her.

She licked her lips and asked. “And…what does carina mean?”

“It, depends on the context.”

“Does it mean, friend?”

“No. It can mean nice, pretty, cute, good looking or if it’s being used as a noun, sweetheart.”

That was it. That was all she needed to know. She shook her head as she turned to the concierge and declared. “I’m checking out!”

One hour later, Kate was back on another boat, heading back to England to have a very important talk with Mr. Luca Changretta and she could hardly wait to see him again.

Chapter 76: Bewitched

8 days later,

---

She hated boats! No, maybe she hated that she spent two weeks on a boat without so much of a reprieve from seasickness. She hated the feeling and she never got used to the feeling of being on water. She was nauseous when the voyage started, recovered midway, only to feel nauseous again when the boat came into port again. After going through customs, she carefully got her bags loaded up and then made her way to the train station. She bought a ticket to Worcester, all the while keeping a casual eye out for any men who looked like Peaky Blinders. She didn’t see a single blinder, so, she’d assumed that they weren’t watching this area.

She kept a low profile, wearing a plain dress and bought a first class ticket. The blinders were on a limited budget, so anything expensive would make it hard for them to follow her. She’d carried one bag with her, the one with all her money and she’d brought one change of clothes. She was going straight to the hotel and she didn’t want to show up in the same dress that she’d traveled in for the last few hours. It was probably a bit much, but it was beautiful and she wanted to look beautiful for Luca. It was nearly three in the afternoon when she finally arrived in Worcester.

She arranged for her bags to be delivered to the Inkberrow Hotel. Luca would undoubtedly want to make arrangements for all her clothes to be delivered in a more secret manner to the house. The house! Kate shook her head, upon reflection, the house hadn’t needed that much work. He’d had her make it up to her own tastes. God, she felt ridiculous for missing so many things, but at the same time, she admired him and his restraint. She’d had a whole week in her room to lie there and reflect on everything that Luca had ever said to her, how he’d treated her and the way he touched her. There was so much respect, there was clearly love there, she couldn’t unsee or deny it anymore now. She hadn’t realized it before, now she felt so stupid for not realizing it!

She gets out of the taxi in front of the Inkberrow Hotel, her heart pounding violently in her chest. She was now here…and she was scared. But, she needed to know; she needed to know more than anything else. She swallowed past her fears and walked inside. She waited patiently in line to talk to the concierge before requesting. “Mr. Changretta’s room, please.”

The man eyed her suspiciously. “Mr. Changretta isn’t here.”

“That’s a lie.” She stated. “I’ve been here before.”

“I can assure you, that Mr. Changretta doesn’t reside at this hotel!”

Kate snorted and rolled her eyes. “I spoke to his mother, I know he’s here!” she hadn’t, but it was a good bluff. “I just forgot his room number.”

The man still wasn’t convinced. He reached for the phone. “Let me call him---

“No!” Kate smacked the phone out of his hand. God! What was going on with her? “I need to talk to him, in private and it’s personal. Can I please have his room number?”

“Not without---

“Keep your voice down.” She turned at the Italian voice and found herself looking at Mateo. His eyes widened. “Katherine Shelby? What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to Luca.” She stated. “Will you take me up, please?”

“What are you doing here?” he inquired. “You’re supposed to be in America.”

“Well, I’m not and that’s between me and him.” she didn’t like Mateo, he gave her the creeps, but he was Luca’s cousin. 

“He’s not in a good mood.” Mateo said. “Maybe take another day---

 “Kate?” She turned to see Calogero coming towards her. He smiled as he approached her. “What are you doing here?”

“I came back.” She inhaled. “I needed to talk to Luca and I didn’t want to do it on the phone. I lost the card with his room number and Mateo wouldn’t take me up.”

“I’ll take you up.” Mateo said something in Italian and Calogero rolled his eyes. “We lost two men today, one of them had four kids. He’s upset about that, but, he’ll be glad to see you.”

“I hope so.”

“You look…really pretty today. He may have a hard time keeping his hands off you.”

“I know.” She nods. “But…he’s done a good job of that so far, regardless.”

Calogero glanced at her out of the corner of his eye as they entered the elevator. He smiled at her after selecting the floor. “He’s missed you.”

She smiled uneasily. “That’s good.”

“Yeah.” Calogero glanced at her. “If I tell you something personal, you won’t tell him I said it?”

“I promise, but…I think I know it.”

“His feelings?” she nodded. Calogero exhaled. “Good. I’ve been tired of watching this courtship.” She let Calogero prattle on until they got out of the hotel. As they neared Luca’s room, her nerves started to fail her. She paused outside the door, now questioning everything. What if she’d made a mistake? “He loves you.” Calogero said. “He admitted it, just in not so many words.”

“Like when he calls me carina,” she said quietly. “it doesn’t mean friend?”

Calogero makes a face. “Hopefully, he’ll teach you Italian properly after this.” He jerked his head towards the door. “Go on in. He’s alone.”

Kate nodded and entered the room. It was a beautiful hotel room, far richer than anything that she could afford, but then Luca had no problem shelling out $500 a month for her salary. Money, was clearly no object for him, not that she cared about the money, she cared about him. There was another room and she debated on how to alert him to her presence. She bit her lip and looked around the parlor. Her eyes fell on the record player. She smiled, she’d put something on, get him to come out and there she’d be.

Simple and effective, and yes, a bit romantic. She tiptoed over to the record player. There was already a record on, she knew the name. She put it on and started playing it. She had a few seconds to get to the center of the room. She heard him mumble in Italian from the other room. He came out of his room and God, the sight of him nearly caused her to melt into a puddle! He was just as handsome as she recalled, but today, he was dressed down. He wasn’t wearing his typical coat and tie and there wasn’t as much gel in his hair, possibly because he’d grown used to keeping that area cleaned. She preferred the look. 

He came out, saw her standing there and he just froze. For a moment, it was as if he couldn’t believe that she was actually standing there! He rubbed his eyes, muttering in Italian, which prompted her to state. “I’m here….Luca Nostriano Changretta.”

He hesitated. “Katherine?” she nodded at him. It was amusing now to watch all these emotions playing in his eyes and face now. He stared at her before walking over with a confused expression on his face. “What, what are you doing here? Are you alright?”

“Don’t you know?” She asked him quietly as he drew closer to her, stopping at just the appropriate distance. Now, she could see how every inch of him wanted to get closer, wanted to touch her but he respected her so much.

"No." He shook his head. "I called you a few times, but, the concierge said you were unavailable. I thought that, maybe, you were enjoying your freedom. It, never occured to me that you'd come back."

"I'm sorry about not returning your calls, but, I realized something and I needed to come back to you as soon as possible. I got on the boat back to you, as soon as I got off the phone with you."

He looked confused, yet hopeful. "But why Katherine?"

“Do you know what you called me on the phone when we last spoke?”

he nodded. “Yes, I called you pappagallo.”

“No you didn’t.” She said as she stepped closer to him, closing the distance between them. “You actually called me…. Passerotta.” His eyes flashed and she saw it. He knew that she knew. She shook her head . “It was you that night. You were the man in the garden.”

He didn’t even bother to deny it. He nodded. “Yes. I was confirming that was Thomas Shelby’s actual address, got the layout of the house. You, prevented me from making a clean escape.”

She shook her head, she didn’t care anything about that. She inhaled as she placed a shaking hand over Luca’s heart. He softly ran his fingers over her hand, sending little chills down her arm. She inhaled as she asked quietly. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because, it wasn’t the right time for you.”  he said. “You weren’t ready for everything that I want to give you and I did not mind waiting for you to be ready. After everything, I wanted you to go, my passerotta, fly the cage. You needed to spread your wings, not fly back here to me.”

“I can fly freely here just as I can over there. I’m choosing to fly here, near you.” She inhaled as she confessed. “I don’t know yet…if I feel as deeply about you as you do about me. Every time…I start to fall in love with someone, something goes wrong. I get hurt.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.” He said gently. “That’s why, I’ve been so careful with you. I have no expectations from you.”

“No expectations, but hopes and dreams." He nodded. "I just…know what I couldn’t bear to be there in America moment longer, when you were all the way over here. I had to come back. You gave me no choice, Luca and,” she held his gaze as she said honestly. “I want to be back here with you.”

He exhaled deeply. “I’m still fighting with Shelby.”

“I know.”

“You should be away from all of this.”

“I can’t,” she shakes her head. “I don’t want to be a week away from you if you get hurt. I want to be here.”

He studies her and asks. “Are you saying…you’ve chosen me?”

“As far as the vendetta goes, I think you’re both righteous idiots.” He chuckles faintly. “I’ve had a whole week on that damn boat to figure this out and I’ve concluded, that…my heart and my loyalty, belong to you.”

He looked at her hand which his still on his heart. “And what does your heart say, when you look at me?”

She inhaled as she said honestly. “It says…that, I’m yours.” He brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed her hand. She shivered. “You’ll have to take your time with me Luca. This is all...unfamiliar, strange and strong Luca.”

“I know,” he kept pressing kisses to her hand. “I think…in five years, we’ll be engaged, married in seven----

“No,” she shook her head. “it won’t be that long Luca, if we marry.”

He nods. “I’m sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. It’s too early to be talking about marriage.”

“It’s alright,” she said quietly. “you’re a very passionate man. But,” she fought to keep the impatience out of her voice. “for God’s sake Luca…I came four thousand miles to see you. Aren’t you going to ask to kiss me properly?”

he chuckled as he shook his head. “Carina, I haven’t even taken you out on a date yet.”

“The movies and painting the house kinda count.”

“No.” He shook his head. “Katherine, I give you my word, that when I take you out on a proper date and we get to the door…I’ll kiss you properly.”

She flushed. “You’re such a traditionalist, but, I like that about you.” She inhaled before requesting. “Don’t wait too long.”

“I won’t, but, for now,” he asked. “can I hold you?”

“Yes, you can.”

He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her. Kate exhaled deeply and closed her eyes, breathing him in. He smelled of amaretto and sandalwood. “I have to be careful with you Katherine. I feel so much for you and I don’t want to scare you. You’re too precious to me and I don’t want to risk making a mistake that costs us a lifetime together.” She held tighter onto him. “I know, it’ll be hard for you, but I can wait. What you want, I want because I want you and I don’t care if I have to wait ten or twenty years, I will wait for you to be ready. I swear it.”

“I know,” she inhaled. “I think, I’ve always known. That’s why…I let you get close to me. I’ve been questioning why I did, for so long, now I know. Because a part of me recognized just how special you are to me, even if it took me a while to figure it out.” She hesitated and then added. “From here on out, you better promise to speak Italian properly to me, mi carina, my sweetheart. No lying about the translation.”

He nods as he inhales deeply. “I promise. I promise, mi carina.”

For a moment, they stood there, holding onto each other and all they could hear was the music. They started swaying and Luca caught ahold of her hand. Without even asking, he started to dance her around the room, causing tears to fill her eyes. God, she’d wanted something like this so badly. To be held like this, to be loved like this and now she had it and it was nearly too much for her heart to handle. 

You bewitched me, from the first time that you kissed me. He kissed her forehead, causing her to inhale as tears of happiness trickled down her cheeks. Waited all night, then we ran down the street in the late London light. The world froze around us, you kissed me good night. You bewitch me. Every damn second you're with me! I try to think straight, but I'm falling so badly, I'm coming apart. You wrote me a note, cast a spell on my heart and bewitched me. Bewitched me.

---

Yes, I know Laufey wasn't even born yet, but 'Bewitched' was so perfect for this scene and responsible for their meeting.

---

Chapter 77: Wildest dreams

Katherine let out a soft, little moan as he continued to nibble away on her neck and ear. She tasted rich, like panna cotta, sweet and creamy. F**k! What the f**k was wrong with Shelby!? How could he not have seen this woman right before his eyes!? Katherine was so beautiful, kind, gentle and sweet. She was a woman who had so much love to give and there hadn’t been anyone to bestow it on. She’d chosen him and he was going to strive to forever be worthy of her and that love. He could love her and he would love her for the rest of their days.

He’d spent so many nights dreaming about her that when she actually stood there he thought he was hallucinating. He hadn’t been. She’d come back, to be with him. After all her attempts to get free, she’d chosen to come back. She’d chosen the danger and she’d chosen him. He’d never forget that. She’d had the whole world open to her and she’d come back to England, to him and his arms. he hadn’t realized that he’d called her sparrow last night, he’d have sworn that he called her parrot. He’d purposefully avoided sparrow because a part of him knew that once she heard it, she’d remember fully. She’d remember him, remember their first kiss and she had. Apparently, the memory had her so hard that she’d jumped on the first boat and come back to him.

The phone rang and he groaned. “Ignore it.” She asked, her voice so soft and gentle. “Please.” While he'd said he wouldn't kiss her until they had at least one date, they'd sat down and talked after dancing together. He'd gone to brush a strand of hair back from her face, getting drawn to her neck. He'd asked if she'd let him kiss her there and she'd agreed. What he'd discovered, was a pleasure point for her and she held onto him, leaning deeper into his kiss.

He nodded. “Alright.” She let out a little sigh as she ran her hand through his hair, being careful to avoid where he’d been shot even though the stitches had been removed. She was thoughtful and a very caring woman. The phone rang three more times before silence. When the phone rang again, she let out a disappointed exhale. “I’m sorry, mi amore.”

She nods and moves from his lap to the couch so he can get up. “I understand, it may be important.”

“Nothing,” he says as he gets up and moves towards the phone. “will ever be more important that you.” He picks up the phone. “Hello?”

Luca?

F**k, he forgot! “Mama!” he glanced towards the clock. He was fifteen minutes late. “Mama, I’m sorry, I’m alright. I’ll be right there!”

Alright Luca, next time call me when you’re going to be running late!”

“I will, I’m sorry!” he hangs up the phone and turns to where he’d left Katherine on the couch. Except, she was on her feet and moving towards him, her little purple shoes in one hand. God, she looked so beautiful. “I’m sorry. I was taking my mother to lunch and I forgot.”

“It’s alright,” she said with a wave. “go on, we’ll talk later.”

“Excuse me?” he stepped towards her. “What does that mean?”

she blinked. “I thought I’d go back to the cottage because you’re having lunch with your mother.”

“Katherine,” he stepped towards her. “you’re coming with me. She’d be happy to see you! After everything, I wouldn’t let you just leave me, I want you with me. You're going to be a part of my life.”

she stared at she realized that not only could she come with him, but she wanted her with him. “I’m sorry. It’s just…I’m so used to not going to appointments.”

“I want you with me.” He ran his hand down her cheek. “I want you in my life, amore.”

She inhales as she says. “I have…a lot of bad habits to break. One of them,” she hesitated. “I have…a hard time with trust.” he nodded in understanding, he could see why. “And while I want to trust you fully, trust in…this thing between us, I need to ask something of you first.”

He nods. “Ask.”

She inhaled and then asked. “I-I need you to swear on your father and Angel, that you’re not playing around with my feelings.” He could do that. It wasn’t a problem for him. “If you’re leading me on for information, I want to know now. Please.” She begged. “I-I can’t bear getting my heart broken again.”

“Amore,” he said as he used his thumb to stroke her cheek. “it’s alright. I understand.”

“I don’t mean, to sound like I don’t trust you---

“You’ve been hurt, I understand. You don’t have to explain it.” He steps closer. “I know, that almost all the men in your life have hurt you and it’s hard to trust. I’ll prove that you can trust me. And I swear to you, on my father and Angel’s soul, that I have wanted you as mine from the moment I saw you in Shelby’s garden.” She trembled under his touch. “I have you now and I will do my best to take care of you and love you, to the best of my abilities. I will protect you with my life, love you with every breath I have in me and treasure you every day for the rest of our lives.”

She shivered as she inhaled deeply. “Luca…keep talking to me like that…and we most certainly won’t be waiting for five years.”

He nods, pleased that she responded to his words. She said Shelby wasn’t a man of words and he figured that George wasn’t either. Words weren’t anything without actions and he could be a man of both. “When you’re ready amore, when you’re ready.”
“Amore?” she asked quietly. “That means love, correct?” he nods and she blushes a little before admitting. “I like it.”

“Good.” He leaned forward and kissed her right behind her ear. She shivered. Katherine, he knew she’d been hurt, that meant he had to look for spots that caused her to react. Spots that most men, including Shelby had missed. She let out a faint sound as he pulled away from her. “Come on, let’s go meet my mother and tell her the news.”

“Which is, what?” she asked. “What are we do each other, Luca?”

he grabbed his coat. “Is, courting alright?”

“I’m still married, I’m assuming?”

“Yes, but,” he pulled his arm into his coat. “at what point were you Shelby’s wife?” she didn’t answer. “You weren’t George’s wife either. When you married them, they vowed to love, to cherish, honor you and forsake all others. Those marriages ended when they broke their vows.” He held her gaze as he stated. “I intend to keep mine before we even marry and I started keeping them the moment I kissed you in the garden.”

Katherine covered her mouth as she shook her head. “God! Why, why didn’t I meet you sooner?”

“I was in America, amore.” He said as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder. She leaned into him and exhaled. “Come on, my mother is still waiting.”

“Yes.” She inhaled and wiped her eyes. “God, I must look terrible!”

“You’ve always been beautiful to me amore.” And he meant that. God, he was going to drown her in words of love for the rest of her days.

---

Kate laughed at the look on Mrs. Changretta’s face when Luca came into the restaurant with her. He’d held her hand as they hurriedly walked down the street. She was tired, but her happiness overrode her exhaustion. How? How had she lived all her life with a man like Luca in her life? He was so wonderful to her! So gentle, tender and loving, she couldn’t believe that he truly existed and he loved her. Her! Of all the women in the world, he wanted her!

“I don’t understand, Katherine.” Mrs. Changretta said as Luca pulled her chair out, seating his mother first before seating her. She smiled at him, now appreciating his treatment of her. “You were supposed be in America, what happened?”

Kate blushed before admitting. “Luca happened.”

Mrs. Changretta went still, her eyes darting back and forth. “What?”

Oh God, she hadn’t even considered that Mrs. Changretta wouldn’t approve of them together! “Uhm, you see, before I left…I began to doubt that I wanted to leave England.” Mrs. Changretta nodded. “And, the whole voyage to America, I was miserable. Then, Luca called to check in and he said something that made me realize…that I missed him so much. So, I got on the first boat back to England and…here I am.”

Mrs. Changretta looked stunned. “W-what’d you say to her Luca?”

He smirked. “Ah, Mama, I never told you, but I’d met Katherine, before  the vendetta. It was during Shelby’s Halloween party. He’d…brought his mistress to the party.”

Mrs. Changretta’s eyes flashed. “He what?”

“I know! Look at her! She's so f**king beautiful!" She blushed at the passion in his voice. "I met Katherine in the garden, when I was getting away. She was crying, we talked and,” he exhaled before declaring. “I fell in love with her.”

Her jaw dropped as she turned towards him. “Truly? That night?”

He nodded. “From the moment you looked at me, I was yours.” He held her gaze as he explained to his mother. “In those few minutes, I called her passerotta and kissed her.”

“So,” Mrs. Changretta said slowly. “that’s why you wanted a doctor and you wanted to help her against my wishes? You were already in love with her?”

he nodded. “Yes. I was going to find her when this buisness with Shelby was done. Instead.. they brought her to me.”

Mrs. Changretta turned towards her and asked. “Well, do you love him?”

“Mama!” Luca said strictly before she could respond. “Do not push her and do not ask her questions like that in front of me.”

“It’s a simple question.”

“No,” he shook his head. “no it’s not. For now, we’re courting and don’t make her uncomfortable by asking her personal questions like that. If you must know, ask her in private, don’t embarrass her like that. Please.” He puts his hand over his mother’s. “I know, a little about her past. You’ve seen her back. Some things, they’re hard for her to talk about. Let her find her own way to me.”

“She is still married.” His mother points out.

“It’s temporary, Mama.” He said. “Shelby will give her up.”

“And if he won’t?”

Luca exhaled. “Mama, it’s a good day today. I have my Katherine back with me, we’re courting and you should celebrate that. There’ll be plenty of time for troubles later. Please, can you not be happy for me? For us?”

“I am happy!” Mrs. Changretta assured them both, placing a hand on top of each other’s hand. Kate exhaled in relief. “I am just concerned.” Mrs. Changretta turned to her. “My Luca, is a good man and he deserves to be loved. If he loves you, I’m glad, but… I am concerned that, one or both of you could get hurt. I know, that he will love you for every moment of your lives. But, I need to know if you feel something because if this courtship goes forward…it won’t be easy for him. I just, want to be sure.”

“I understand.” She inhaled as she confessed. “I do, have a problem with feelings and,” she glanced at Luca. “he knows this.” He nods as she turned back to Mrs. Changretta. “I can’t swear that it’s love. I haven’t really been in love for a very long time. I thought it was with Thomas, but, it was just loneliness. This…it’s different. It’s like, a hole in my heart has been filled. It’s like…I can finally be happy again, but I know,” she turned towards him. “that I’ll never be happy if I don’t have this man in my life.” He smiled faintly, a gentle, tender and beautiful smile, full of love for her. “I haven’t, had anything like this before and it is very scary for me, but…I can’t walk away from him, from everything he’s offering because,” she inhaled before confessing. “I want to be with him too. I can’t say, that word yet, but…I know that I am developing feelings, nothing like anything I’ve ever known before. I haven’t felt them for anyone but him and I know, that they’re only going to get stronger each day.”

His mother was silent for a long time. Then she said something in Italian to Luca. She turned to him for translation, her heart pounding in her chest. He smiled and turned to her. “She said…that she’s going to teach you how to make pasta.”

Kate covered her mouth and started laughing. Mrs. Changretta nods and says. “He’s Italian, every woman should know how to make their future husband’s pasta.”

“Mama!” Luca chastised. “I said, don’t push.”

Kate laughed. “It’s alright.”

“What about children?” She asked. “How many grandchildren can I expect?”

“Mama!”

Kate just laughed. This was beautiful, it felt wonderful to be accepted into a family. Mrs. Changretta talked in depth with them both and she felt as if her heart were flying through the air. She’d found her place in life. She was with someone who loved her and she’d been welcomed into his family. She couldn’t wait to see where they were five years from now, but she had no doubt that it would be beyond her wildest dreams.

---

Author's Note: Just letting everyone know, that we will be getting back to Tommy at some point. He's just had 50+ chapters with Kate and I feel it's only fair to give Luca a fair shot. (And Tommy get some time to cool down.) As for Luca's fate, we'll find out when we get to the warehouse, like in the TV series. So, until then, just relax with all his scenes. This story is going to be over 100 chapters, so, there's lots of time for things to happen. I wish I could elaborate, but obviously, spoilers, so I have to keep it vague.

Chapter 78: Exposed

One week later,

---

Kate grabbed the phone. “Hello?”

Katherine, mi amore? She blushed as she heard Luca’s voice. I was wondering, I have a little business tonight, but I’d like to take you with me.

She frowned. “Luca, we said I wouldn’t get caught up in business.

I know, it’s not that kind of business. I have a meeting with Polly Gray.

She nearly dropped the phone. “Excuse me? Polly Gray?”

Yes.

“Thomas Shelby’s aunt?”

Yes. She wants to meet in a public place, says she has a business deal for me. 

Warning bells instantly went off in her head. “Did she elaborate?”

No, but we’re meeting in a public place, it won’t be a trap. He exhaled. However, I don’t think the meeting will be long. After it’s done, I want to take you out dancing.

She hesitated. “Luca, that sounds lovely but…I-I can’t go to a club.”

Why not, il mio bellissimo amore?

Il mio bellissimo amore. My beautiful love. She shook her head. She was learning the love language of Italian first. She inhaled. “Luca, I’d love to go, but, I don’t have anything to wear.

Oh. He sounded disappointed.

“It’s the fashion, everything has low backs now and….you know.”

He was silent. I can send Calogero with the car. He can take you to the store of a family friend. She can help you.

“I don’t want to be any trouble Luca.”

Tesoro, you're never trouble, it's always a pleasure to be with you. I would really like to take you out dancing one night. If not tonight, another night, so, it’d be good for you to have something on hand. I know, you can’t show your back, but if you can’t show the back…you can always show the front.

“You’re terrible.” She shook her head. How did he do this? How was he always able to make her feel better about herself? “Alright. I’ll get my purse and…what does tesoro mean?”

darling. 

She flushed as she admitted. “I think, I like darling better, mi amore.” He lets out an unamused chuckle. “Your American accent…sounds appealing.”

He chuckles. I’ll try to remember…darling. 

She lets out a soft moan as she says into the phone. “I’ll see you tonight, Luca.”

I’ll be there for you at 6:00.

“I’ll be ready.” She assured him before adding. “I may be ready early, so, you can come up and collect me.”

I’ll keep that in mind. I won’t be living until I see you.

She shook her head. “I wish I had your talent with words.”

Eh, it’s alright. I get the pleasure…in seeing and hearing you react to my words, to my voice. I’ll talk to you later.

“Alright. Goodbye amore.”

With that, they hung up the phone.

Kate shook her head as she blushed. God, the things this man could say to her…it was almost as if he’d eaten a dictionary and every single beautiful word just magically floated to his tongue. Their time together since she’d been back, it had been beyond beautiful. Luca called her three to four times a day, taking her out to lunch and dinner whenever he could. He made a point of trying to spend as much time with her as he could. She began drinking up every bit of knowledge about him that she could absorb. She was learning Italian with Calogero and his mother’s help. She did pick up how to make pasta, but she was better at gnocchi. Mrs. Changretta said her skills would improve with time. Calogero helped her eat the leftover pasta that she practiced making at home. Mrs. Changretta told that the house was Angel’s, that he’d hoped to move there with Lizzie. Now, it would be her and Luca’s first house. It was so humbling to just be welcomed into a family with open arms instead of suspicion. It was wonderful to be wanted.

Kate tried not to remember that he was out planning her husband’s death as well as the rest of his family. Thomas had refused to respond to the letter. However, Luca said that he’d remove Ada from the list, that way Charlie wouldn’t be alone. That was less than thrilling, but at least Charlie would have somewhere to go. It was strange, to be worried about two men for very different reasons. She worried about Thomas, because despite how horrible he’d been to her, he had protected her and had avenged her. His family, they weren’t loving like the Changretta’s, but they’d tried to the best of their abilities. Luca, he loved her and she was falling steadily in love with him. He was her future, her heart and soul and if he died…she’d have no reason to live. It was so hard to be torn between them, yet she was. 

Calogero, did indeed turn up to take her to a little boutique. Luca must have called ahead, because the owner had 10 dresses ready for her. Kate, however knew which one she wanted to try on first. It was a little scandalous because the neckline was low. REALLY low, so low that she was concerned about falling out of it! However, the saleslady had told her that it was acceptable to wear this dress in public. Kate had tried on other dresses and while she normally went for a more modest dress, she was feeling a bit more sensual tonight. So, she boldly bought the green and pale lavender dress. 

She was ready at 5:45 when Luca knocked on the door. She called out the window for him to enter. He’d waved at her, looking very handsome in his dark brown pinstripe suit with maroon tie. She sprayed herself with her favorite perfume, grabbed her coat and purse, checked herself in the mirror one more time before walking down the stairs.

Luca was waiting at the foot of the stairs, his hat in hand and a smile on his face. That smile faded into a stare, almost as if he’d been struck dumb. His hat floated down to the ground, almost as if he’d lost control over his hands. He was breathing heavy as he spoke in Italian. Then, Kate wondered if this dress was too revealing. Maybe he didn’t want her in this dress.

Before she could say that, Luca placed a finger on her lips. “You look absolutely beautiful.”

“It’s not too much?”

“No.” He shook his head. “It’s like a reward after a hard day.”

She hesitated. “I thought, maybe you don’t want men looking---

“Let them look,” he said as he reached out to stroke her neck  and collarbone with one finger. “they can look all they want. If they touch…that’s another thing.”

“I’ll mention that…so they don’t lose their hands.”

“Good idea, amore.”

His fingers stayed on her neck, but his eyes devoured her revealing cleavage. She licked her lips and said. “You…can touch me Luca.”

“Yes.” He said lowly before stating. “But I’m not going to.” God! Why was he so much in control!? It was driving her crazy!! She let out a frustrated groan as she pouted. “You’re so tempting, mi amore.” He assured her. “Believe me, there will be a day when I will not be such a gentleman towards you.”

She exhaled and nodded. “You’re right. I suppose…I should enjoy this time with you.”

“Yes, but, still,” he bent over and picked up his hat. “it’s flattering that you have this trust in me.”

She shakes her head as she says. “I’ve never, met a man more in control of himself than you Luca Changretta.” As they start to walk to the door, a thought hits her. “Is that why you won’t touch me? To prove that you can control of yourself around me?”
“That and to prove to you that I want more from you than your body,” he scanned her top to bottom, slowly. “no matter…how tempting it is. That’s what the other two wanted, I want your f**king heart.” She flushed red from her toes up to her head as she had to fight the urge to press her thighs together at the flush of heat that gathered there. “Just don’t torture me like this too often, amore.”

“I can go change---

“No.” He shook his head as he opened the door and guided her outside. She exhaled in relief, she didn’t have another dress anyway. “You bought this for my pleasure and I want to enjoy looking at you in this dress.”

“Even if you won’t touch me?”

he smirks charmingly at her as he guides her down the stairs. “Why do you think we’re going dancing? I assure you…I’ll feel you.”

It took a good two minutes for Kate to understand that. She shook her head as she said in his ear. “Il mio bell'uomo,” she kissed his neck, right on the cross tattoo that she adored. “you’re not the only one who suffers at times.”

“My handsome man.” He murmured before switching to English. “Your pronunciation is getting good. Calogero help you with one?”

she nodded. “Yes.” 

He grinned as he removed the toothpick from his mouth and pulled her close. “Remind me to give him a bonus.” 

She laughed as she closed her eyes. They were almost twenty-five minutes from the club, in neutral territory. It was indeed a beautiful club and the lighting was just right. It was elegant and she saw why Luca wanted to bring her here. Everyone stared at them and for once, it was a good stare. She felt beautiful and confident in this atmosphere and Luca walked as if he had the queen of England on his arm.

They were seated at a private table and Luca stood up to order a drink for them. “What would you like?”

She smiled at him and said. “Surprise me.”

Luca nods. “I think…I’d know what you’d like.”

“I’m sure you would.” He kissed her on the nose, causing her to flush warmly. He then went to the bar and came back with a tall, vibrant, pink drink. “Singapore sling, the bartender said it was the one with fruit. I got him to switch the cherry liqueur out for peach."

“Thank you.” She took a sip from the straw and moaned, he smiled. “You always get my drinks right.”

“It’s a talent.” He says with a careless grin as he sits down opposite her. “But, as long as it’s fruit and not heavy, I know you’ll like it.”

“Clever man you.” She glanced at his drink and frowned. “They put orange in your bourbon?”

“It’s a boulevardier.” He explained. “Not my favorite, but, it has Italian bourbon.”

She smiled as she places her hand on his. “You miss Italy, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” He glanced at her. “You want to visit one day?”

she nods. “I’d love to, but, I better brush up on my Italian first.”

“I’ll be there.”

“Still, I’d like to know some Italian.”

He chuckles and nods. His face goes still and he exhales deeply. “Polly Gray has just arrived. I’ll be right back.”

“Shall I order us some food?”

“Order what you’d think I’d like. I don’t care much for these English foods.” She smiles at his complaints. “There’s no flavor!”
“After making tomato sauce with your mother, I agree. But, you guys season everything!”

he shot her a look and grumbled something about the insane English as he approached the bar with his drink in hand. The conversation was short, barely five minutes. Kate had just manage to inquire if there an Italian cook on staff, which there was and she’d slipped the waiter 20 pounds, if he’d let the cook create something that her ‘husband’ might like. She said husband, so it’d sound more respectable and the waiter agreed. 

She’d just sat back and taken a sip out of her drink when Luca approached her. He didn’t sit down though. He leaned over and said, “Polly Gray wants to talk to you.” She paused and looked up at him. “I told her, I’d ask. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

She hesitated and glanced at Polly. Her face was still and set in stone. She appeared angry and Kate wanted to talk to Polly, to see if she’d be able to talk some sense into Tommy about letting her get a divorce. She nodded. “I’ll speak to her. I swear, I won’t tell her anything. I know, I swore that I wouldn’t say anything, but if she says something that could put you in danger…I have no problem breaking that vow.”

“Don’t break your vow for me. She wants to see that you’re alright with me. I trust you not to say anything.” He leaned forward and kissed her right on the neck, behind her ear. Kate moaned and nearly melted. “I trust in that sound you make for me, Katherine Kovach.” He said softly, causing her to inhale sharply. “Talk to her until the food arrives, after that, I’m coming to the table. We’ll eat and then…I’m going to spin you around the f**king floor till the sun has come up. You’re mine.”

“Amore,” she gasped out, feeling a little faint from the tone in his voice. “please.”

He chuckles faintly. “The ear, the voice…I’m learning a lot about you tonight.” 

He smirked as he walked away, leaving her blushing red and breathing heavily as Polly Gray approached her. Polly pulled Luca’s chair back and studied Kate. Kate knew that look, she used to be afraid of it…but she wasn’t anymore. She wasn’t afraid of any of the Shelby family members.

---

Chapter 79: Propositioning Polly

Polly studied Kate a long time before sitting down. Kate folded her hands, mentally preparing to deal with Polly gray. Polly, was the first to speak. “You look different. Almost didn’t recognize you.”

“Thank you.”

“Wasn’t a compliment.”

“Don’t care.” She said simply. “I like myself and the fact that you didn’t recognize me is a good thing.”

Polly’s brow arched. “You’ve changed.”

“Not really,” she explained. “I’ve just become myself, I haven’t been myself in a long time and I can thank Luca for that.”

Polly’s eyes narrowed. “It’s Luca now, is it?”

She nods. “Yes, it’s Luca.”

“I thought you were in America. That’s what our sources said, you’d gotten on a boat for New York. Thomas has contacts tearing up New York looking for you.”

Kate laughs lightly. “Yes, I was in New York for two hours. Then, Luca called to check in on me and I realized that, my place was back here.”

“With him?”

“Yes. I’m not ashamed of my feelings for him, Polly. And he’s had feelings for me as well.”

“You’ve only been here for three months.” Polly said lowly. “I may have made an offer to Luca, but that’s to protect my family. You, you’ve suffered enough at the hands of men that I’d assume that you’d know what his game is.”

“Ah,” Kate stated. “you think that Luca and I are sleeping together.”

“Aren’t you?” Polly inquired. “This dress indicates otherwise.”

“I bought this dress, because I felt beautiful in it. Yes, Luca appreciates it and I may have known that he’d love it on me, but, it was my decision to buy this dress.” Kate picks up the straw in her drink and swirls it around. “No, we’re not sleeping together. He’s not interested in me like that.”

“He’s not?”

“We’re courting, Polly.” She explains. “He’s taking time to get to know me and spend time with me. I'm learning about him, his thoughts, his likes and dislikes. We're very open with each other and Luca actually likes talking with me. His mother is teaching me how to make Italian food, even pasta.”

“Pasta?” Polly’s brow arched. “Does she think the two of you are getting married?”

Kate exhaled and glanced at Luca, who was sitting at the bar with his drink and smiled at him. He nodded at her. She turned back to Polly. “One day, yes, I think we are going to get married. He makes me very happy and he loves me so much that it shouldn’t be possible for the heart to hold that much, but it does.” She held Polly’s gaze as she stated. “He’s a very good man Polly, I’m lucky to have him in my life and be loved by him.”

Polly was quiet for a long time and then she stated. “Your father said something to me and I didn’t believe. He said, that you could look him dead in the eye as a child, lie about something and he’d believe you. It was hard to know if you were telling the truth or not. I thought it was just men being blind, until now. I thought I knew you, you seemed like a person who’d stay loyal to the death.”

“I am, Polly.”

“Yet you betrayed us for Changretta.”

Kate shook her head. “I didn’t betray any of you Polly. Besides, you’re here, making a deal with Luca. You’re hardly in a position to judge me.” She exhaled and asked reluctantly. “How’s Thomas doing? We had harsh words the last time we saw each other.”

“You didn’t do any damage with that tool you chucked at him.” Polly said tightly. “Stitches came out last month.”

“As did Luca’s from where Tommy tried to shoot him in the head!” She snapped. “Him getting hit with…whatever it was I threw at him was minor by comparison.” Polly snorted. “Luca could have killed him that day in the warehouse, but he only spared him because of me.” There’s a sharp silence before she exhales. “This whole thing has just been bad from the beginning.”

“I have to ask this, because I’m confused. One day, you were in love with Thomas, do you deny it?”

Kate shakes her head. “I don’t, but it wasn’t love Polly. I wanted to be loved and thought I was, that wasn’t love. It was lust brought on by overly passionate sex. Thomas kissing me hadn’t helped things any. It was all in my head and I know, how territorial and passionate Thomas can be. I can imagine now that my confession caused him to panic and he did the one thing that he could to bring me back to reality.” She holds Polly’s gaze as she says. “I honestly, hold no ill will towards him. I’m just disappointed that he let’s his anger towards Luca and me stand in the way of peace.”

Polly frowned. “What does that mean? Are you saying, Luca would end the vendetta?”

“I haven’t asked him, but,” Kate exhaled as she held Polly’s gaze. “this isn’t a leak of information. It’s a fact as he’s already sent a deal to Thomas. There is one thing that Luca wants and that’s for Thomas to give me a divorce.”

Polly shakes her head. “He won’t go for it, he’s never believed in divorce.”

“I know that. He wouldn’t let Ada get taken off the list and---

“What do you mean?” Polly demands firmly. “What do you mean, he wouldn’t let Ada off the list?”

Kate exhaled. “Luca sent him a proposition. Stating that he’d take Ada off the list in exchange for Thomas signing some divorce papers. He never responded.” Polly went as stiff as a board. Kate exhaled. “Maybe he wants another person to be spared before signing, I don't know. I can’t say that Luca would end the vendetta if Thomas gave me a divorce, but it’s a possibility that he’d very strongly consider.”

“When Grace came into his life, I thought no woman could ever mess him up again. Then he met you.” Polly shook her head. “I blame myself for bringing you into his life. Never before, have I seen him like this. He’s erratic and furious, every little thing sets him off. He hears your name and he just explodes.”

“I understand that----

“Do you? Do you have any idea what he was like when he discovered you’d been taken?” Polly demanded. “He was scared out of his head. He had nearly every available man that he could spare tearing up all of London looking for you! He’d gotten Alfie Solomons involved and neither of them could find you! Thomas spent that whole time thinking that Changretta had either killed you or was torturing you!” Polly leaned forward and said. “I don’t think, you’ve seen Thomas Shelby when he is scared. It is not an easy thing to see. He was half out of his mind and he when got that phone call from you, I thought he was going to kill himself.”

“Polly---

“Then, he said that he had to talk to you in person. That Changretta must have made you say such a thing to him on the phone. And we all agreed that it was plausible, that it didn’t sound like you.” She shook her head. “But as we discovered in the warehouse, it was you, the real you.”

“Polly, it was too late. Thomas, found love in his heart for me too late. He can't make me love him any more than I could have made him love me at that time. You tried, I wished for it, but it wasn't possible!” She exhaled. “I know, that you’re here to present a deal that’s really orchestrated by Thomas.” Polly’s eyes flashed. “You and I, we both have common sense. Get Thomas to use the divorce papers as a way to bring this vendetta to an end.”

“You think Changretta loves you that much that he’d end this whole thing just to marry you?”

“I don’t know. He was willing to let Ada go,” she inhaled. “he might, but I can’t promise. If not, Thomas can bargain to hopefully get you off the list and maybe Arthur.” She held Polly’s gaze. “You care for your family and Luca, his mother, they’re mine. I’m aware that I owe you and everyone else a lot. You took care of me and protected me. While my heart belongs here with Luca, I am not blind to what I owe you. I know, you want to protect your family. I want to protect mine.” Polly’s eyes softened a little. “That’s what we both want.”

Polly was silent before she stated. “I don’t trust you. But I can see the way the two of you look at each other,” Polly shakes her head. “and yes, the two of you are in love. Thomas is refusing the divorce because he knows that Changretta is a traditional man, so he won’t do anything with you until you’re his wife. You’re traditional as well, so in his mind, he’s making the two of you suffer.”

Kate nodded. “I know. I didn’t mean to hurt him Polly.”

“But you did.”

“He hurt me first. He may have put me together, but he broke me and he nearly became as cruel as George. Luca doesn’t have a cruel bone in his body. Luca holds me in the highest regard and he has so much respect for me that he wouldn’t even touch me until I came back. He asks permission, he doesn’t force me, he listens to me and he always puts me over himself.” She smiles faintly. “It’s beautiful Polly, we’re good together and I don’t want him to get hurt. I nearly died when Thomas thought he’d killed him…I don’t want to lose Luca. I want to have a life together one day, but, I can’t do that if this vendetta doesn’t end.”

Polly studied her for a long time and then she said. “I think, you’ve done the one thing that I never thought I’d say. I thought Grace was just a snitch from the Parish, but you, you’re worse. You’re a traitor.” Kate exhaled. “I’ll tell you, like I told her, I’ll never forgive you. Which means…I don’t want Thomas to stay married to you.” Her heart rose hopefully in her chest. “If you think that Thomas signing the divorce papers could cause Changretta to end this, then I will do everything that I can to persuade him to do just that. But it will take time.”

“I know.” Kate said. “He’s a stubborn man, evermore so when he’s angry.”

Polly shook her head as she stated. “Love, got us into this vendetta. Maybe love will get us out of it.” Polly glanced at the time and exhaled. “I’ve got to be going, I stayed longer than planned.”

“Alright.” Kate extended her hand as she stood up. “I wasn’t planning on falling in love with Luca, but I did. If helps, tell Thomas I understand now.”

“Understand what?”

“Why he couldn’t love me originally. Luca, is my Grace.  My reason for being, for living and loving, if I lost him,” she shook her head. “I’d be just like Thomas. Cold, angry, broken and bitter. I may not forgive him for everything, but…I can understand it now. I couldn’t before and I am genuinely sorry for the additional pain that I’ve inflicted on him.”

Polly studies her and states. “I’ll let him know. While I don’t think he’ll agree, it warms my heart to know that you’ve enough common sense left in you to know that people have been hurt because of you.” Kate wanted to point out that she’d been hurt as well, but, that wasn’t the point. The point was to end this feud. After a long pause, Polly says. “I won’t shake your hand, but I will wish you the best. I do know what you’ve suffered and if you believe this man really loves you…then Thomas needs to let you go.”

“He does, Luca has loved me for a very long time. I didn’t realize it was love and then once I did, I held on. I’m not letting him go.” 

Polly nodded. Even though Polly wouldn’t say it outright, she understood. Tommy said Polly was always a romantic and Kate believed that. Otherwise, she and Mrs. Hughes wouldn’t have pushed so hard for her and Thomas to fall in love. Polly started to walk away just as the headwaiter arrived with two plates of food. She turned towards Luca who was already walking towards the table. However, the first thing out of his mouth wasn’t about the food. It was, “Are you alright?”

She smiled. “Yes, I am amore.” She then gestured towards the food. “I have a surprise for you.” He glanced down at the food and went still. “One of the cooks downstairs is Italian. I asked that he prepare something for us.”

“He sends his apologies because he wasn’t able to do a proper sauce.” The waiter set them down and he nodded. “I hope that you enjoy it, Mr. and Mrs. Changretta.”

Luca nodded at the waiter and stepped towards her. “Amore della mia vita,” he cupped her face in his hands. ‘Love of my life’ that’s what he’d said. Kate smiled as he kissed her forehead, then her nose and finally, the corner of her mouth. She let out a faint sound as she grabbed ahold of his wrist. “thank you. You’re so thoughtful.”

“Amore,” she blushed. “not in public. Please.”

He nodded. “My apologies.” He stepped behind her and helped her with her chair, seating her. Kate smiled at him. They were seated upstairs, overlooking the ballroom, so she spotted Polly down below. From the look on her face, she knew that Polly had seen their exchange. She nodded at Polly before turning back to where Luca was sitting down. He lifted his drink up in a toast. “Here’s to tonight.”

She touched her glass to his. “To tonight.” They each tool a sip and she hesitated before stating. “I know, I said I wouldn’t say anything---

“Amore---

“I’m just saying be careful, especially with Polly.”

He studied her a long time before asking. “You think it’s a trap?” she nods. “And you’re telling me this, why?”

“Because I don’t want you to get hurt.” She said as she placed her hand on his. “I thought you were dead once. I don’t want to feel that again.” He exhaled and gripped her hand tightly. “She didn’t say anything to me…but, it’s a feeling I have.”

He studies her and nods. “I’ll be careful.” He squeezed her hand before saying. “No more talk of this. You managed to find someone to make bolognese with fresh pappardelle. Eh?” She laughed and nodded as he kissed her knuckles. “Ever danced the tango?”

She stared at him. “No! Luca, that dance it’s scandalous!”

“Tonight,” he said as he picked up his fork. “I’m going to teach you to tango.” He shot her a look that caused her to blush. “I think you’ll enjoy it.”

She had a feeling that he wasn’t referring strictly to the dance. She picked up her fork and began to eat. It was good, could have been better if the bolognese had longer to simmer, but, it had spices and seasoning which pleased Luca. They didn’t talk about anymore of the meeting with Polly. But as the evening wore on, she wondered if Luca would call off the vendetta if Tommy signed the divorce papers. She wanted to ask him, but decided not to ruin the evening. She’d ask him next time they went to lunch together. That was probably tomorrow, but tonight was so magical that she didn’t want to mar the memory with a possible argument.

Chapter 80: The 'first' kiss

That evening,

---

 “Would you call this a date, Luca?” Katherine asked as he walked her up to the front door.

He knew what she was angling after. “If Polly weren’t there, I’d say yes, it was a date.”

“I’m calling this one a date.” She stated, keeping her eyes dead ahead as if it weren’t a big deal. But he knew she was nervous, her face was pink and he could feel her hand trembling on his arm.

He thought on it. They’d had lots of lunch ‘dates’ and dinner ‘dates’ with his mother. He was trying to do everything proper and slow, mostly because he didn’t trust himself. That first kiss in the garden had been impulsive, but there was passion there. She was a very beautiful woman and their time spent together had been spent getting close to each other. Now, that they were officially together, he wasn’t sure if he was in enough control over himself. He loved her very much and he wanted to be with her, but she was still married to Shelby. He respected that and so did she. His concern was if he kissed her, would he be able to stop? And if he wasn’t, would she let him continue and if he did…he would wake up tomorrow morning and find himself in the bed of a married woman. Yes, her marriage was over, but she still legally belonged to Shelby. Sleeping with her, that would cross so many lines.

“Hmm,” he took the key from her and unlocked the door. He then held it open so she could step inside and turn on the light to the porch. She didn’t. Tonight, she turned on the inside light. She smiled at him, an innocent little smile. He knew why she did that, but he still wanted to draw it out. “no porch light, carina?”

She nodded as she swallowed uneasily. “Don’t want the neighbors to see.”

He nodded, thinking on it. This was a date. They’d gone out, eaten, drank, he’d danced with her for a good hour straight. She’d caught onto all of the dances relatively fast. The tango, oh, he loved to dance the tango with her. Her body molded into his perfectly and she could follow his direction so easily. He looked at her, her face pink, stars in her eyes and he broke. She wanted a kiss, who was he to deny her what she wanted?

He stepped towards her and placed his hand on her neck. She looked up at him, silently asking, no, begging him to kiss her. He knew what she’d been through, how hungry she was for love. He’d been empty for so long as well and this woman was going to fill every inch of his heart. He inhaled and prayed silently for control over this highly anticipated moment.

“Katherine Ann Kovach,” her eyes grew slightly misty as he asked. “may I kiss you goodnight?” 

She nodded her face flushing. “Yes, Luca Changretta. You may.” He smiled as he took a moment to run his thumb across her cheekbone. She trembled slightly as he drew close. “I don’t know,” she whispered. “why I’m nervous all of a sudden.”

“I know.” He admitted quietly. “It’s not like…I haven’t kissed you before.”

“Fair…point.” She whispered.

That was when he kissed her, silencing her. She let out a faint shiver, but she relaxed and leaned into the kiss. He tried, he fought so hard to keep it sweet and gentle for her. But there was a fire burning inside him that was struggling to break free. He kept his hands on her face, willing them not to stray to that beautiful body he’d vowed not to touch until they married. Dancing, that was one thing, they were in a public place and he was allowed a certain amount of inappropriate holding. But right here, right now, they were alone and he struggled.

Her slim arms were around his waist and he broke the kiss when she let out a moan. Her face moved towards him, silently asking him to continue. He could have denied her if her eyes stayed closed, but she opened them. They stood there, face to face, inches away from her and those deep and vulnerable eyes that were begging for more. And he wanted more. 

He inhaled and asked her. “Is alright…if I kiss you again?”

She tilts her face up towards him. “Yes, please.”

He kissed her with the passion that he’d been holding back. She let out a loud groan and he released her face to grab ahold of the door frame, almost as if he could stop himself from walking into the house, taking her upstairs and making love to her for hours. God, he wanted her so much! Her hands crept up from his waist to hold onto his shoulders. One of her hands caressed the tattoo on his neck. She loved that tattoo; her hand often strayed there as opposed to anywhere else on his face. He wasn’t a deeply religious man, he respected God, but he’d never respected Him more than he did at this moment for sending this beautiful angel into his life.

She stepped back and he tightened his grip on the frame of the door. His hand slid from her face down to her waist. He held her there, trying to desperately avoid temptation, but he was failing miserably. His body was already betraying him. He was getting hard and that was only from a kiss! She hadn’t even touched him in any way that normally caused arousal! But here he was, nearly fully aroused, as was she. He could hear it in the way that she was whimpering against his mouth. Feel it in the way that her fingers were digging into his neck.

A pain in his hand informed him that he had a splinter under his nail. A warning, time to stop. He began to slow the kisses, which caused her to whimper in frustration. God. After two years of celibacy, her sounds weren’t helping things any. He eventually broke the kiss and spoke in passionately, frustrated Italian. I need to marry you before I forget myself and spend every hour of every day with you! You’re going to be the death of me; my love and I don’t care! For I need and love you more than you can ever imagine and my soul burns with want until I can tell you that. You're my second half, my one and only love.

“Yes.” She murmured with a trace of passion in her voice. He frowned; she couldn’t have understood all of that. “I have no clue what you’re saying,” she confirmed “but it sounds nice.” He exhaled as she asked. “Was it nice?”

“Yes.” He simply nods and kisses her forehead. “I’ll be see you day after tomorrow.”

She nods. “Be careful.”

He exhales. “I will.” He had her and that to come back to.

He removed his hand from the door frame and took a step back, breathing heavily. She was clutching onto the door frame as if she’d fall over in a faint. F**k, that was just a kiss. He didn’t want to imagine what anything more with her could feel like if a kiss was this potent!

He was off the steps when she spoke. “Luca?” he turned around and she pointed on the porch “Your hat.”

“Oh.” That caused them both to laugh a little, breaking the tension between them a little bit. “Thank you.”

“Thank you.” As he straightened up and picked up his hat. She suddenly inhaled and said. “Luca, I just wanted to say…I really appreciated you asking me, even though we’ agreed on it. It was nice.” He smiled at her as he stepped forward. He wouldn’t kiss her again. He did place his hand on hers, which was still resting on the doorframe. She exhaled and admitted softly. “No man’s ever asked my permission before, it was really lovely of you to ask me. You made it really special.”

“Wanted to make sure you wanted it, carina.” He stroked his thumb over her knuckles. Unable to stop himself, he asked. “No one?” She shook her head. “Not even Shelby?”

She shakes her head. “I was his wife, he doesn’t have to ask for my permission.”

 He should have. It was an arranged marriage! The least he could have done was make sure that his wife was comfortable! “I think…a man would get further if he took his time with you.” 

She glanced up at him before stating. “Why do you think you’ve gotten so far, so fast with me Luca?” 

He held her gaze as he stated. “Because you trust me.” 

“You’ve earned that trust. You’re a good man Luca.” He wasn’t, but he was good to her. He loved and treasured her so very much; she had no idea how long he’d been waiting for her to come into his life. “Probably the kindest I’ve ever met. I’ve never been touched with, such respect before.” 

God, those words, every time she said something like that, it pained him to hear it. That he was the first man to touch her right, treat her like the goddess that she was. It was as if someone stuck a knife in his heart and he only wanted to protect her. He wanted to love her; he wanted her to feel safe and loved forever. But until he had that divorce, he was just another man loving another man’s wife. Not that Shelby had the right to be angry with him. Yes, there was a vendetta between the two of them, but it was unfair to let Katherine suffer. She was caught unfairly in the middle between the two of them.

“The first time he kissed me,” he gave her his full focus. Katherine didn’t talk about her past normally. He never asked, wanting her to talk about it when she felt comfortable. “we were having sex.” He didn’t like that, but she was Shelby’s wife at the time. She inhaled as she confessed. “We’d had sex the night before and it was bad.” 

Ok, now he was bothered. “Did he hurt you, amore?”

She bit her lip as she confessed. “I’d been drinking that night.” He noted that she’d only stuck with one drink, most women didn’t. “I wasn’t thinking clearly. He did ask permission and I agreed.”

“But, you didn’t want him.” He stated.

She shook her head. “No. I’d agreed to it, I was crying,” he was going to rip Shelby apart with his bare hands. “he had me anyway. I didn’t even come, but, he did.” He was going to stab him a thousand times. “So, the following morning, he…wanted to try again.”

“He didn’t even give you,” he bit out. “a f**king day off?”

She shook her head. “He had a schedule. I’d agreed to it in order to make things easier.”

“I don’t f**king care!”

“Amore,” she said gently. “I’m not bringing it up to make you angry. Let me finish this, please.”

He nodded and exhaled. “I’m sorry.” She was taking a moment to confess a part of her past. This wasn’t about him. 

“You care, I understand.” She said softly. “I was, asking him to stop, but, he kissed me for the first time.” A distraction. That’s what the kisses were. A distraction so he could use her. “He never asked me. As time went by, things did get better between us and a part of me was enjoying it. What I’m trying to say, is,” she inhaled. “I understand now.” He didn’t. “I understand why you’re keeping the love and the sex separate. The first time he showed me love, was in the middle of something that should be intimate.” He nodded. That wasn’t when her first kiss with her husband should have been. No wonder Katherine had thought she was in love with Shelby! “Hey,” she placed her hand on his cheek. “it’s ok Luca. I’m ok.”

“I’m sorry, amore.” He inhaled. “I just…I hate thinking of you crying like that.”

“That wasn’t my intention amore.” She explained as she stepped closer to him. “What I’m trying to say is, I understand why you're waiting now. It’s a beautiful thing that you’re doing for me. Waiting for me and keeping things proper until it’s time. I have, always gotten so confused and thank you, for staying in control when I cannot. ” 

“I can wait for you.” He said quietly. “We were apart for two months before fate delivered you to me. I can be content with just this, if that’s all you want.” 

“I don’t.” She confessed. “I want more from you, so much more…just not right now.” He nodded in agreement. “For a moment…I thought you were going to push me in the house and have me on the floor.”

He shook his head. “Never, I would have carried you upstairs.” She flushed as she shivered. “But, amore…I won’t be with you now.” She nodded in agreement. “It’ll be hard, but…I need you to help me. I want to do this right. I want you to feel everything that you should have had the first time.”

She nodded and said quietly. “I’ll retire this dress and save it for our first anniversary.” God, heat flooded his body at her admission. “I want to take it slow too, Luca, I pray, that we can hold out till Tommy gives me that divorce.”

He groaned. “He better.”

She nodded. “I hope he will.”

The clock chimed that it was Midnight and he pulled away from her. He exhaled and said. “I’ve got to go.” She nodded. “I hope you don’t mind, but, I won’t kiss you goodnight again. Even though I want to.”

She nodded in agreement, a pleased smile on her face. “I don’t mind. Its very flattering Luca.”

He inhaled and backed away from her. “Goodnight. I’ll call you tomorrow, around 1, I think.”

She nodded. “I’ll be by the phone.”

He nodded and went down the stairs. He decided in that moment, he’d take Polly Gray’s deal to get Thomas Shelby. He wanted that man dead for so many reasons now. For killing his brother. Killing his father. Nearly killing his mother. For assaulting and hurting his beloved Katherine. Thomas Shelby was going to die and he didn’t care if he had to make a deal with the devil to end his life! That man was going to die!

Chapter 81: Fighting

The following morning,

---

Four knocks. That was Luca. Only Luca knocked 4 times in a row. Kate groaned and stumbled towards the front door. What was he doing here? It was still early! Ok, it was nearly noon; it wasn’t his fault that she was just getting out of bed after a miserable sleep last night! God, she couldn’t sleep. She’d stayed up all night thinking about so many things! But most of all, she thought about how she was going to tell him about her discussion with Polly. But it wasn’t the only thing she’d thought of that had kept her awake. 

She’d thought of that kiss. It wasn’t anything like their first kiss. Well, this was their first kiss with her actually knowing it was him kissing her. He…was unlike she’d ever experienced. He was so gentle and passionate; it was beautiful to be wanted. God, her heart had built in her chest till it exploded and this amazing sensation had filled her entire body. She thought Thomas had brought her to life, but this kiss…it wasn’t anything she’d ever known. She couldn’t even remembered what Thomas’s kisses tasted like. She only remembered Luca and his kisses.

The passion, the mutual want and desire, it caused her entire body to light afire. The kiss warmed every single drop of blood in her body, yet it chilled under his touch. She’d never had this before. She’d wanted to be with Thomas, but she’d never wanted to be with him or any man the way she’d wanted to be with Luca. She’d never had that. Never been kissed by a man who loved her back and it was intoxicating. The way he’d held onto the door, as if to stop himself from going inside and then making love to her…that was beyond sensual. She’d never been wanted like that. She had a feeling that sex with Luca, would be so very different. He’d want to be with her because he’d want to show her what making love would feel like. That, was something that she could barely wait to experience. God! Could Thomas just give her the damn divorce?

She stumbled towards the door and opened it. There he stood, his hat in hand wearing a light gray suit and looking so handsome. Why did she have to feel so terrible? “Buongiorno, Luca, come on in.”

“Un minuto,” Luca said as took her elbow and pulled her towards him as he stepped inside. His green eyes narrowed as he took in her appearance. She was still in her nightgown and robe. “what’s wrong with you this morning?”

“I’m sorry,” she moaned. “I have a headache.”

He hung his hat up with a nod. “Alright, I’ll make you breakfast.”

She groaned as she looked up at him. “You cook too?”

“Not much, but I can make breakfast.” He kissed her forehead. “Go upstairs and get dressed. I’ll have breakfast waiting for you.”

“Just tea and toast, please.” She murmured. “I’ll be down shortly.”

“Ok.”

She stumbled up the stairs, hating the pounding in her head. But on the other hand, Luca could cook? And not only that he was offering to make her breakfast? She reached into her closet and pulled out the blue dress she’d worn when Luca took her to the movies. She took her time, carefully pulling on a fresh pair of stockings. Then…the scent of onion and ham filled her nose. She shook her head. What was that man doing? She’d only asked for tea and toast! She waited a few minutes before making her way downstairs. Luca was just setting a pan of eggs on the table. He’d removed his coat and he looked at home in the kitchen. She stood there in the doorway, watching him put a cup of tea at her place along with a glass of water, which had an aspirin. She shook her head as she walked into the room. “What is this?”

He looked up and nodded at her. “Frittata.” 

She blinked. “But, toast was enough.”

“It’ll help your head.” He said as she walked up to him. “I also got you aspirin, to help with your head.”

“Thank you, this was really sweet of you.” She said as she stretched up and kissed him on the corner of the mouth. “You didn’t have to.”

“I want to take care of you, amore.” He said as he gripped her elbow gently to stop her from losing her balance. “I want to take care of you for a long time.”

She shook her head. “Luca, you can’t say such things like that at this hour of the day!”

“Why not?” he asked, a satisfied and cocky smirk on his face.

Because it made her want to jump him! He knew it. But what she said was, “Ask me again as soon I’m granted that divorce.”

“Ay,” he nods and pulls her chair back for her. She pauses to wait for him, but he shakes his head. “no, go ahead. I already ate.”

“When?”

“An hour ago.”

She chuckled as she cut the frittata. “Late night for you as well?”

“A little bit.

She took a bite and promptly moaned. “Mmmh, this delicious Luca!”

He rubbed her shoulder and after a few bites, he said. “Take the pill.” She did. After drinking the water, he took the glass to the sink. “Was the drink to strong?”

“No.” She exhaled deeply, not wanting to talk about all the thoughts rolling around in her head right now. “I was up all night thinking about so many things that I gave myself a headache.”

He frowned. “What were you thinking about that gave you a headache?”

She exhaled deeply and bit her lip before admitting. “Polly.”

Luca exhaled and nodded before asking. “Want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” She admitted reluctantly. “but, I think I need to.” He nods and sits down on the table. She bites her lip. “First off, I didn’t tell Polly anything important, I swear it.”

He frowned. “What do you mean, important? I thought, you wouldn’t say anything to her.”

“I didn’t!” She assured him. “Nothing like what you’re thinking. I talked to her about getting Thomas to give me the divorce.”

He had a suspicious look on his face. “And? What’d she say?”

“She says, that he won’t give it. That he’s holding onto it to purposefully keep us apart.” Luca swore in Italian as he rubbed his brow. “She said she’ll try to talk to him, but, she says he most likely won’t sign them. It sounds like he’s spiraling a little bit. She didn’t even know about the papers you sent regarding letting Ada off the list. He’s hiding things from them, which is normal, but…Polly doesn’t play around when it comes to family or matters of the heart.”

He was silent for a long time and then he asked. “What made Polly Gray get invested in you getting a divorce?”

Kate inhaled and said. “I told her, that we---

His brow arched. “You told her? You told her that we wanted to get a divorce?”

She nodded, starting to suspect that she’d managed to anger him somehow. “Yes, you’d already sent the deal to Thomas, it wasn’t anything new originally. She agreed that the divorce should go through. Mostly because she thinks Thomas shouldn’t be married to someone like me. She knows that we have feelings for each other and---

“She said that?” she nodded. “Did you confirm it?”

She frowned. “Yes.”

He studied her a long time, clearly thinking something through. She wondered if she missed something. After a few moments, he asked her directly. “Did you tell her, that I’d end the vendetta…if you got the divorce?”

“No.” She shook her head. “She asked, but I told her that I didn’t know if you’d agree---

“I wouldn’t.” He stated. 

Kate blinked and set down the fork. She and Luca hadn’t had a fight yet; something told her that this was going to be their first fight. “Luca---

“I thought,” he exhaled as he rubbed his brow with his thumb. His body is tense, letting her know he is angry with her. “that we’d agreed, no business for you.”

“I know, but---

“This vendetta,” he stated tightly. “is my business. Not yours.”

She frowned. “Luca, what did I---

“Katherine,” he said tensely. “I am f**king trying, not to yell the f**k at you.” He exhaled raggedly as he stood up and reached for his coat. “So, I’m going to f**king leave---

“But,” she stared at him. “what did I do? I didn’t do anything wrong!”

“You f**king did!” He snapped as he spun around. “I didn’t push Shelby to give you the divorce, because if I had, it shows you as a f**king weakness!” She stared at him. “Shelby already tried to take you from me once and that was when he thought we were just friends. Do you have ANY idea what he could do when he realizes that I f**king love you?” Kate could only stare at him. “No! If he takes it in his head to take you and try to force me to end the vendetta, he will!”

She stared at him. “He’s not going to---

“Katherine!” he said harshly. “He could, he nearly did already! I know, you didn’t think that this could happen, but in future, you shouldn’t get involved with business conversations. Especially those that don’t involve you!”

She stared at him. “Excuse me?” she stood up. “This whole stupid vendetta---

“Stupid?” He bellowed angrily at her, causing her to take two steps back. He inhaled as he lowered his voice to a tense growl. “May I remind you, that this whole vendetta is because he slaughtered my father and brother!?” She shook her head. “He nearly killed my mother!”

“Luca, I know, but I am---

“I will not give up the vendetta, because I WANT to f**king kill Shelby!” Ok, this side of Luca scared Kate a bit. She’d never, ever, seen him angry like this and he was terrifying to look at. He inhaled as he declared. “As much as I love you, I will not end this vendetta and I will not spare his life! I want to kill him and I will f**king enjoy it!”

She stared at him. There was so much anger and hate in him for Thomas that hadn’t been there before. Then, she remembered the conversation last night between them. She stared at him before asking. “Are you acting like this because of what I told you?” He didn’t answer. “Luca, I didn’t tell you that for that reason!”

“Too late.” He snarled. “Men like Shelby, who go around hurting women---

“Luca---

“Don’t deserve to live!”

“Will you shut up for one minute!?” She shouted at him.

He stepped towards her and snapped. “Don’t EVER tell me to shut up!”

“I’ll tell you to shut up if you’re acting like a jerk!” She snapped at him and he closed his eyes and began counting in Italian. “I was only trying to help---

“Help!?” He roared in her face. “You put yourself in more f**king danger because you broke your word to me!”

Kate shoved Luca; she hated being trapped like this. Luca took a step forward with a growl and she just reacted. She let out a scream and covered her head out of pure instinct. The moment she did, the whole room went still. For a moment, all she could hear was her heart thudding in her chest. Then, she lowered her hands to see Luca standing there. He was still angry, but she could see that he was hurt.

“After all this time,” he stated in a voice that betrayed that he was upset. “you think…that I‘d put a hand on you like that? I’d cut off my own hand before I ever hit you!” she didn’t, she really didn’t. It was a reflex. She wanted to tell him that, but the words couldn’t make to her lips. He shook his head and said. “I’m going now.”

She shook her head and croaked. “Luca---

He ignored her. He kept walking and Kate followed after him. He grabbed his hat and was out the door before she could even make it out of the kitchen. By the time she made it to the door he was already getting in his car. She called him, but he’d looked at her and told his driver to continue. He left her standing there, her head aching even more than ever and she was beyond confused as to what had happened this afternoon. How had everything fallen apart so fast, so quickly? Why did it feel like she had missed something and he was mad at her for missing it?

Chapter 82: Carnations

She was miserable. It was 8:00. She was trying to get some sleep, but she couldn’t sleep. She’d gone downstairs to make herself a cup of tea, only to change her mind and settle for a glass of water. Her head was still raging and she was in hell.

Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang.

Kate shook her head. It was Luca at the door. Why was he even here? She’d gotten the nerve to call him once, but the concierge said he hadn’t returned yet. She didn’t know if it was true or not, but she didn’t try again for the rest of the day. She didn’t understand his anger towards her. She didn’t know what she’d even done to set him off! The more she thought about it, the more crazy she felt!

She peered through the widow. He looked tired and a rumpled mess. Luca was normally very careful with his appearance, but not tonight. He was a mess. She unlocked the door, but left the chain in place. He exhaled as he asked. “Can we talk?”

She stared at him. He…wanted to talk? What kind of man wanted to talk? Not to mention, he'd come over in person instead of calling. She hesitated before stating. “It’s getting late.”

“I know carina,” he said gently. “but…I would like to apologize to you.”

She stared at him. “You…want to apologize…to me?”

He nods. “Yes.”

She bit her lip. "You could have called."

"Some things need to be done in person. This is one of them." He held her gaze before asking. “May I come in Katherine?”

She nodded and unlocked the chain. She stepped back and moved towards the drawing room table. “Five minutes, then you have to go.”

“Alright.” She sat at one end and he sat at the other. He exhaled deeply before stating. “I overreacted today and I’m sorry. I have a temper, Katherine and I should have never raised my voice to you.” She could only stare at him. He was actually apologizing to her? “I am sorry, that I made you feel like you were in danger with me. I love you very much.” She covered her mouth. “I swear on my mother that I would never hurt you. I could never raise a hand to you and leave a mark on that beautiful face of yours.” Kate hiccuped as tears poured down her cheeks. He went to put his hand on hers, but stopped a few inches from her hand, waiting for permission first. “Can you forgive me for that? I didn’t meant to scare you and I am sorry for that.”

She nodded. “Yes.” He instantly took her hand and she put hers over his. “I’m sorry---

“No.” He shook his head. “You do not owe me an apology for this. You’ve been hurt and I should have known that I shouldn’t stand that close to you when I’m angry. I shouldn’t ever be that angry with you.”

“It happens.” She said quietly.

“I don’t care,” he said. “if it happens again, Katherine, you better hit me in the face. Understood?” she inhales sharply. “We’ll argue throughout the years, it’s normal. But I want you know that you can argue with me and safe while yelling at me. When we fight, we’ll make up after. I don’t want you going to bed upset.”

She inhaled as she said. “Thank you. I am sorry though,” he exhaled deeply. “I didn’t mean…to flinch like that. I know,” she inhaled deeply. “that you wouldn’t hurt me. It’s just,” she shook her head as the words, spit and tears just suddenly burst out of her mouth. “I don’t know what I did!!”

“Carina,” he reached into his pocket for a handkerchief and handed it to her. Kate wiped her eyes and covered her mouth with a shaking hand. “let me try and explain something to you.” She sniffled. “I have denied there being any feelings between us to everyone apart from my mother. Calogero knows, but no one else knows.” 

She looks at him confusion. “W-why?”

“Men in my world," he shakes his head. “they’re unpredictable and dangerous. I have seen men, hurt or kill their unfaithful wives or lovers. I don’t know what he’d do to you if he found out that we were courting and all that.”

She instantly shook her head. “No. He wouldn’t do that.”

“Are you sure?” he inquired. “He already took you from me once.” That’s when she saw it. Luca was scared for her. He wasn’t mad, he’d been scared. He exhaled. “I was nearly too late that time. He had you on that table, pinned down and he could have forced himself on you.” He gripped her hand tighter, holding her gaze as he stated. “I don’t want to think of you getting hurt like that again. I don’t want to lose you again.”

She inhaled. “I understand that Luca, but…I don’t understand why I couldn’t tell Polly about our feelings for each other.”

“Because Shelby doesn’t know. Things get said during an argument. Now, when she confronts him, she will tell him that I love you.” 

She frowned. “But, is that really a problem?”

“It is.” He exhaled deeply. “Everyone of us in this business, has a weakness. Shelby, it’s his family. Solomons, its money. Me, I didn’t have any weaknesses. Then I met you, I loved you and you became my weakness. Shelby, now knows my weakness," oh God! She hadn't even thought of that angle! "and I don’t want him to use you to get to me. And believe me, all weaknesses get exploited. That, was still no reason to yell at you. You didn’t know. I will protect you, but, I’ve been trying to keep you safe and out of this vendetta as much as possible.”

“I appreciate that Luca,” she held tighter onto his hand. “but I am involved in this vendetta Luca.” She paused and added. “I am sorry that I said it was stupid, that was careless of me. You lost your father and brother, you loved them very much and it was cruel of me to make it seem like you wanting to avenge them as stupid. I truly am sorry for that. Will you forgive me for that?”

 “Yes.” There’s a long silence between them and he says. “I told you, you’re my weakness. You don’t just make me vulnerable to others, you make me vulnerable to you.”

She frowned. “How can I---

“Because I love you." He exhaled deeply as he rubbed his eyes. "It's hard. I want to keep you happy and I know, that this vendetta I have with Shelby is upsetting you.” She nods. “I have, contemplated ending it so many times because I want you happy.” He shakes his head. “But I can’t. I hear my father and brother still calling for retribution and I must do right by them.”

She nodded. “I understand that.”

“But if you asked me,” he shook his head and exhaled. “I don’t want to know if I’d end it or not. So, please…don’t ask me that. I know, you’ve been in this world, but I don’t think you understand just how deep I am in this world.” He looked at her. “One day, I’ll give it all up, but not today.”

She inhaled as she shook her head. “You and him are both very stubborn men.” She bites her lip before stating. “I hate this Luca. I hate being scared that you’re going to get hurt or killed.” She inhaled before shaking her head. “God, I am so very scared for you. I don’t think you understand, just how scary this is for me.”

He held her gaze as he said. “Tell me then Katherine.”

“I have been married to two men who have made my life nothing but miserable. They hurt me in their own little ways. Then you came into my life, you put me back together and you have loved me so much!” she started tearing up. “God, it’s nearly frightening how much you love me. But I love you, Luca!” he straightened up, still holding onto her hand. “I love you so much that the idea of you getting hurt or killed terrifies me to death! I want it to be over because the longer this vendetta goes, the higher the chances are that you can get hurt. If I lose you, I lose everything. I lose finally having a happy marriage with a good man. I lose out on knowing what it feels like to make love. I don’t think that I can give you children, but I do know if I can have children, I want you to be the father. So, if you die, I lose out on all of that!” she swiped her eyes, only to become infuriated by the sight of Luca smiling at her across the table. “Why are you smiling at me!?”

“Because,” he said. “that’s the first time…you said that you love me.”

She shook her head. “God why are you,” she shook her head. “just you?”

He stands and moves to kneel down beside her. “Amore, I am sorry. I do not mean to cause you this pain. That's why I sent you to America to be away from all this. Maybe I should send you back."

"I couldn't bear to go away now." She said. "If you sent me away, I'd go mad Luca."

He rubs her back before kissing her hand. She exhales and holds onto her hand tightly. After a few minutes, he says. “Give me four months. I’ll talk to my mother, see if she agrees as well. If this isn’t resolved by then…then I will consider ending this vendetta.”

She turned towards him. “I didn’t ask you---

“I know, but,” he shook his head. “marriage, kids, making love, arguing and making up…I want that with you as well.” He exhaled deeply. “And this vendetta, is, putting our future in jeopardy.” He ran his hand down her cheek. “That’s another reason why I worry for you, carina. You’re my future and if I lose you…there won’t be anyone else.”

“Same.”

He exhales as he holds her hand tightly. “I’ll always be there, but if something does happen to me. Promise me, that you’ll try again. Take the money and travel, explore, do all the things that we were going to do together. If you meet someone---

“I won’t.”

He chuckles. “You’re young and beautiful, there will be others.”

“Not for me.” She said as she held his gaze. “I am that sure of you.”

“I don’t doubt your love for me. But, promise me that if you do meet someone, make sure that he treats you like the goddess you are and he better love you so much.”

"I'm not a goddess."

"You're my goddess."

She inhaled as she said. “No one, will ever treat me as good as you. But I promise, that I will try.”

“Good.” He said. “I don’t want to think of you getting stuck in this house if something should happen to me. I got you your freedom, don’t waste it.”

She nods. “I won’t.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “But don’t you waste this, these moments that we have together are so precious to me.” He stood up, holding onto her as he kissed her neck. She exhaled as she whispered. “I hate this.”

“I know.”

“But, I understand that this is important to you.”

“It’s not more important than you. Nothing, is more important than you amore. It’s, something that I can’t let go of right now.”

“I understand.” She assured him before stating. “I love you, Luca. You’re holding all my hopes and dreams. They’re gone if I lose you.”

“I love you too Katherine. I wish,” he exhaled. “that I could resolve this sooner, but---

“It’s a matter of honor.” She stated. “I know, I understand and I respect it. I really do.” She looked up at him. “I just wish it wasn’t.”

“I know.” He runs his hand through her hair. “I wish, I could let it go for you---

“Be who you are Luca.” She stated. “Be the man I fell in love with.”

He nods as he presses a kiss to her forehead. For a moment, they stand there holding onto each other, slowly falling into each, drawing on each other for comfort. This was good. This was courtship was for. Learning about your future spouse, handling arguments and seeing if they were compatible. Based on this, they were. 

Then a thought hit her. “Luca…did your mother send you here?”

He frowns. “Why would my mother tell me to apologize? I’m not a little boy!”

She laughed at him and held tighter onto him. “No, I’m sorry, just checking.”

He was quiet for a moment, then he asked. “Shelby’s aunt tell him to apologize to you?”

She laughs lightly and shakes her head. “Sort of, she was pushing us together and so, I think the conversations were more forced. I just wanted to know that you decided to come here by yourself, without any pressure.”

“There was pressure, pressure from you.” He exhaled as he drew back. “I didn’t want to think of you here alone, crying. I hate it when you cry.” He runs his hand down her cheek, his thumb under her eyes. “You’ve cried more than any woman should ever cry. I don’t want you, to cry anymore.”

“I appreciate that, Luca.” She said quietly. “But you can’t protect me from things that’ll make me cry.”

“Still, I can do my best.” He studied her and asked. “How’s the headache? It better?”

she nodded as she smiled. “It is now. Thank you, for coming by.”

“Thank you for letting me in.” Her clock chimed and he exhaled. “I have to go.”

She shook her head as they walked towards the door. “You and your manners.” He chuckles faintly. “You’ll have ruined any other man for me, Luca Changretta.”

He smiles faintly. “I’m not as good as you think.”

“I know that,” she said quietly. “you have your dark side to you, all men in this world do. But, you’re the best man that I’ve ever known.” He smiled at her before stepping outside onto the porch. He reached for something on the swing and she frowned for a moment. Then she saw, he had a bouquet of pink carnations for her. “Oh, how beautiful.”

“I am sorry Katherine, I will work on my temper. I promise.”

She smiled as she accepted them. She liked that he presented them after they made up, that way the gift didn't feel like a guilty bribe to accept his apology. He'd talked with her first, made up and then apologized. “I know, but, arguments are ok. Just, don’t get in my face next time we argue.”

He nods. “I’ll make sure there’s a table between us. Ok?”

She laughs and nods. “Yes.” 

He studies her before asking. “May I kiss you goodnight?”

“Yes, you may.” He bent over slightly and kissed her, one arm around her waist and the other in her hair. She moaned against his lips. God! Why did every kiss have be like that? These feelings. They were so strong, so new, she wanted to drown in them. Luca, as always, stayed in control until he could no longer. It was so flattering, to have a man want her that much and then stop because he respected her that much.

He exhaled deeply after breaking the kiss. “Can you keep next Thursday afternoon open for me?” He asked. “I have a surprise for you.”

She nods. “Yes, I’ll be here.”

He kissed her hand gently before stating. “I’ll see you Thursday, il mio fiore.”

Flower. That’s the word. “Buonanotte amore mio.”

He backed down the path, a hand over his heart as he said something really fast and really passionate in Italian. She didn’t catch most of it. She caught love, heart and marriage, but she didn't care. Hearing the feelings in his words were enough for her. God, that man was going to be the death of her. She just knew it.

Chapter 83: Making out

Next Thursday,

---

“Amore, amore,” Luca gasped, well, practically pleaded as he gently put his hands on her shoulders to push her off him. “amore. I need a minute.”

“Oh, ok.” She exhaled as she got off him and pulled her skirt back in order. Luca leaned back in his seat on the couch, his hand over his heart, his eyes closed and an erection in his trousers. “I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t apologize amore.”

Kate shook her head, blushing as she put her hair back in order. Ever since that argument, things had changed between them again. It was a different change though. Luca seemed to be a little bit more relaxed, a little bit more expressive, if that was even possible. He was affectionate as well, moreso than normal. Today, he’d asked her if it was alright to kiss her for a little bit. She’d agreed, welcoming his attentions. They’d started standing upright…and they wound up on the couch with her straddling Luca. 

Surprisingly, she was the one who pushed him onto the couch. He’d gone with it, tugging her down with him. Oh, the kissing and the touching had been frantic until Luca called a break. Surprisingly, even in the middle of something that was very improper, Luca was a gentleman. His hands stayed on fabric, never touching her bare skin. Even though he could touch her, her skirt was hiked up, his hands never strayed to her knees or thighs. God, she wanted him to touch her so badly.

She looked at him, trying to get his body under control and she couldn’t help but smile. God, it was so attractive to watch a man like him fight so hard to keep himself in check. After a few moments she said, “We haven’t talked about sex yet.”

Luca groaned in misery. “Amore…are you trying to kill me?”

“No,” she shook her head. “but…I think we should discuss it at some point.”

He opened his eyes and looked at her, a humorous expression on his face. “And you thought now, would be a good time?”
She bit her lip and thought on it. “Perhaps not.” Yeah, they should talk about sex at another time when Luca wasn’t suffering. “Let’s table that idea for another time.”

He exhaled. “What about…children? We could talk about that.”

She didn’t want to. She shook her head. “No, not yet.”

He frowned. “Why not?” she licked her lips and he sat up, instantly noting the mood change. “Katherine, is there something wrong?” Yes, there was. She was wrong. She wanted to be with this man, have children with this man, but she may not be ale to do that. She wanted to just have a few moments more of happiness before having to tell him that she may not be able to give him the family that they wanted. But before she could answer him, someone knocked on the door. She frowned. They weren’t expecting visitors, were they? Luca pulled out his pocket watch and groaned. “God, they’re fifteen minutes early.”

She stood up. “Who is?”

“Well,” he grabbed his coat and pulled it on. She smirked as she noted his hands were shaking just a little bit. “I said, I had a surprise for you. So, just stand right there and wait.” She did as he said. Luca went to the front door and opened. “Who is this?”

she frowned. Calogero spoke up. “She wouldn’t stop. Even got in the car with us.”

“Get her in before the neighbors see you blindfolded her!” Luca said urgently.

“Watch your hands!” a familiar voice snapped. 

Kate gasped and hurried towards the entrance. “Mrs. Hughes?” 

Luca turned to her, he was guiding a blindfolded Mrs. Hughes into the house. “You know her?”

“Oh, my God! Yes!” Kate hurried forward as Luca undid the blindfold. “She was George’s housekeeper. She used to look after me, patch me up afterwards.” Luca didn’t press for details. The moment the blindfold was off, Mrs. Hughes hurried towards her. Kate let out a happy laugh as she hugged her. “Oh! I’ve missed you Mrs. Hughes!”

“And I you.” Mrs. Hughes said. “Mr. Shelby has been beside himself since you were abducted!”

Kate laughs lightly. “I was only abducted for a few hours. Luca,” Kate broke the hug and nodded towards him. “released me immediately.”

He nodded. “My men overstepped their bounds. She hasn’t been a prisoner, she’s been my guest.”

Mrs. Hughes turned towards her, a slightly disapproving look on her face. “Is that so?”

Kate nods. “Yes, Luca has been very kind to me.” She smiled at him. “It’s been quite the experience.”

“I’ll bet.” Mrs. Hughes stated. “Well, are your men going to bring the things in or what?”

she frowned. “Things?”

“Oh yes,” Luca smirked as he stuck the end of a match in his mouth. He was always chewing on toothpicks or matches. She thought it was adorable how he’d given up cigarettes for her before they were even officially together. “Gave Shelby a distraction this morning, then we doubled back and headed for his house.”

She arched a brow. “What did you do?”

“We went inside the house, no one was harmed. We just got all your things from your room and brought them to you.”

Her mouth dropped. “You’re kidding!”

He shook his head. “No. After my men dropped me off, I had them drive around for a bit so she has no idea where she is.”

“I made sure everything of your clothing was packed.” Mrs. Hughes huffed. “I demanded that they bring me here to see you because I needed to know you were alright!”

“I am alright Mrs. Hughes.” Kate assured her as the men began to bring the bags in the house. “Truly, I’m happier than I’ve been for years.” Luca shot her a look before going out and grabbing the bags. “I’ll get some food for everyone!”

“Carina,” he said. “they can eat at the diner.”

“I made pasta yesterday.” She said. “Tagliatelle. I think I can make something with it.”

He was silent for a long time. He glanced at his men, clearly, all of them were dying for something Italian, so, he nodded at her. “If you insist.”

“I do!” she laughed as she walked over to him, stretched up and kissed him on the corner of his mouth. “Thank you.” He gave her a kiss on the nose, causing her to blush. “I think I can make a salad as well. I still have that parmesan from your mother and some bread.”

“Alright, you have fun amore.”

“I will! Come on Mrs. Hughes,” Kate guided her towards the kitchen. “you can give me a hand with the salad for lunch.”

“Lunch?” Mrs. Hughes asked. “Since when do you cook?”

“Since I got back from America.” She explained as she reached into a cabinet for a large pot and a large saucepan. She put the saucepan on the stove and started to fill the pot with water. 

“America? You went to America?”

“I wasn’t even there for four hours.” She shook her head. “I missed England and Luca, so I came back.”

“To him?” Mrs. Hughes sounded shocked. “You came back, to him?”

“Yes, I did. Can you get the stove going, please? And then add two jars of bolognese to the saucepan, please. They’re in that cupboard there.”

“Bolognese?”

“It’s a special tomato sauce.” She said. “Luca’s mother comes over every Saturday afternoon and teaches me some of Luca’s favorite recipes.”

“Doe she?” Mrs. Hughes sounds suspicious. 

Kate nods. “Yes. It’s ever so much fun, I actually enjoy cooking.”

Mrs. Hughes is silent for a good thirty seconds, then she asks. “Do they know that you’re a married woman?” Kate mentally groaned. “Do you even know that you’re a married woman?”

Kate exhaled. “Mrs. Hughes…they know that I’m stuck with Mr. Shelby for the time being. But it's not a real marriage, I've asked Mr. Shelby for a divorce”

“He won’t grant it. Mr. Shelby is a man of honor when it comes to making vows.”

Kate snorts. “Yes, he swore to love, honor and cherish me, as well as cleaving to only me. He broke all of those rules starting from the very day he married me.”

“Kate---

“Yes, I know,” she stated as she turned off the water and put the pot on the back burner, making sure it was on high. “I know, I wasn’t ready to be with him at the time, which was nice. But once we started being husband and wife, he needed to stop with his secretary.”

“Bitterness doesn’t become you, Kate.”

“Bitter?” Kate laughed. “I’m not bitter. I’m happy!”

“You shouldn’t be.”

Kate stopped mid-reach for the salt. She turned to Mrs. Hughes and to her surprise, there was disappointment and anger on her face. “Excuse me?”

“I saw the way you were with that man.” Kate frowned as Mrs. Hughes stepped towards her. “It’s not right, you’re a married woman.”

“But it’s alright if my husband sleeps with his secretary?”

“No, it’s not, but he hasn’t been with anyone since you’ve left.”

Kate shakes her head. “You have no way of knowing that. Besides, we may be married but he doesn’t own me, even though he may wish to.”

“I asked Mrs. Gray, she confirmed it.” Mrs. Hughes stated. “He hasn’t even gone to that secretary.”

At Polly’s name being mentioned, Kate asked. “Are you going to tell them anything that I say to you this afternoon?”

“No.”

“Swear it to me.” Kate stated. “If you can’t, then there’s no need for a lecture.”

Mrs. Hughes brows rose. “You’ve become very direct since your time here.”

“Yes,’ she stated. “ I’ve grown more, become very confident.”

Mrs. Hughes studied her. “I swear it on my mother’s grace, I won’t reveal a thing. I’m not normally as direct, but I shall ask this anyway. Are you sleeping with him?”

“No!” Kate glowered at her. “Our relationship isn’t sexual.”

Mrs. Hughes exhaled. “Oh, thank God.”

“Yet.” Kate stated firmly. Mrs. Hughes stared at her. Kate didn’t shirk from the stare as she stated. “I love Luca.”

“No.” Mrs. Hughes says firmly. “No, can’t do that!”

“I assure you,” Kate stated. “that I have! I love Luca very much and he loves me!”

“What are you thinking falling in love with a man like that?” Kate lets out a sharp laugh as she reaches for the salt. “You must know that this man using you.”

Kate shakes her head. “Luca isn’t like that, he wouldn’t do such a thing.”

“You can’t know that.”

“I do! He swore to me that he wouldn’t and he swore it on something that is very sacred to him. He wants to be with me because he loves me and I know he does. I can see it in his eyes. I can feel it in his touch. I never had that with Mr. Shelby. I’ve never felt like this with John!” She shook her head. “It’s, it’s…so beautiful between us. He doesn’t even have to touch me to get me to want him. He’s kind, sweet and gentle.”

“That doesn’t matter!” Mrs. Hughes stated. “Have you even thought this whole thing through?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t think you have!” Mrs. Hughes exhaled. “I don’t…want to sound like I’m attacking you, but I really do only want the best for you. I’ve watched you fight your way through utter hell and I will not see you throw away what you have for him! You have to think of the future and what you’re doing!”

Kate shakes her head. “Mrs. Hughes---

“Have you considers what happens if Mr. Changretta wins the war? Mrs. Hughes asks. “You know what that means. He’ll have killed Mr. Shelby so he can marry you.” Kate bit her lip, she didn’t want to hear this. “Can you honestly marry the man who murdered your husband?”

“Mrs. Hughes---

“What happens if Mr. Shelby wins and he kills Mr. Changretta? That man killed his brother. Left 7 children fatherless and his wife devastated.”

“And Mr. Shelby killed his father and killed is brother.” She stated as guilt began to blossom in her stomach. “Blood of good men has been spilled on both sides. This blood, is between them and I am not getting involved in it.” She inhaled. “I know, that I should feel obligated to stay with the Shelby family, but…they don’t own me. I am tired of being owned. I have wanted to have freedom for so long. I’ve wanted to feel happiness for years, to be loved and now, I am. And yes, it is selfish of me, but I have put myself through enough and I will not go back to the past.”

“Mrs. Hughes shook her head. “ I defended your behavior for weeks. You used to be a loyal person.” Kate shook her head as she poured the bolognese in the saucepan, turning it on low so it could reach a good simmer. “That family took you in when you were in extreme danger. That man, set aside his grief and gave you his name less than a month after his wife died! And you repay them, by going to the man who is out to kill them!”

Kate’s blood boiled and she spun around and snapped at her. “It is much more complicated than that and you know it!”

“Oh, I agree there. You’re married to one man and having an affair with another!”

Kate shook her head. “We’re courting---

“No.” She stated. “You’re married and not to him. You’re having an affair and it’s wrong. I thought you were better than this! I know, you’re a good girl, you’ve waited a long time to fall in love. But God forgive me, this man…he has turned you into something that you’re not.” Never before had she felt ashamed for loving Luca Changretta, but somehow, Mrs. Hughes was able to do just that. “I don’t mean to talk like this, but, you’ve had so many bad men use you and hurt you. I just thought,” she shakes her head. “you’d see this man when he was doing it."

"He's not like that."

"Can you honestly know him? He's the kind of man that'd say and do whatever he'd want to get you into his bed, only to abandon you."

"If, he could get me pregnant." Kate muttered.

"You're good now, but you're still so vulnerable, especially around men. Look at what he's done to you! That boy, John Shelby was a good man. You know it. He defended you and on the day of his funeral…you ran to the wop who killed him.”

Every ounce of guilt that had filled her body was instantly burned away with a fury that came spilling out of her like lava. Mrs. Hughes’s eyes flashed as she realized that she’d said too much…but it was too late.

Chapter 84: Ending the pain

Crack!

Kate struck Mrs. Hughes so hard that they were both stunned. For a moment, Kate just stood there, stunned by the fact that she’d stuck by the one person who’s always been there for her. For a long moment, there was a tense silence between the two of them. Mrs. Hughes exhaled and rubbed her cheek. “My apologies…that was uncalled for.”

“You think!” Kate snapped. “You’re in his parents house and you DARE speak like that!”

“I said, I was sorry, but this is a very complicated situation.”

Kate shakes her head before stating. “You think I don’t know that?” she grabs the tomatoes and basil from the refrigerator. “I know that it’s hard! But I love Luca, there isn’t anything I can do.”

“Kate---

“I am well aware that the Shelby’s all view me as a traitor, but I don’t care. I tried, for two years to be happy in that house. I tried to help him by being a good wife; I didn’t fight him although I wanted to. I put aside my own feelings for him, I let him use my body to give him comfort and I put up with that for months! I left because I realized that no matter what I did, I would never be a part of his family, of his life and I was only a body for him to f**k!”

“Katherine!”

“It’s true!” She stated. “We all know it’s true! He’s no different from George in that regard! Just a body, no feelings and no heart as long as they get to make use of me. I don’t care that he’s not sleeping with anyone now. It means nothing because it doesn’t matter now. It’s over between us!”

“It’s not for him.”

She shakes her head as she exhales. “I can’t help that.” She opens the other jar and pours it into the pan. “Once upon a time, I would have loved that man with every inch of me. He didn’t want me and I’m glad of that now.”

“You can’t mean that.”

“I do. He was never going to love me as much as Luca does. I won’t be made to feel ashamed for loving someone who loves me back.”

“It’s not the love, it’s your behavior you should be ashamed of.”

“My behavior?!”

“You aren’t there, you don’t see how you being here is upsetting him!” Mrs. Hughes said quietly. “I don’t deny that what he did to you was horrible, having an affair with his secretary like that.”

“That’s the least of---

“Please, may I say this?” Mrs. Hughes says. “I admit, I did not like Mr. Shelby at the beginning, but I realized that he was just drowning in what I thought was grief at the time. And yes, I admit that pushed you before you were ready, but that was because I saw he needed something to hold onto. In his mind, he failed to protect his wife and he held onto you in a way to prove that he could take care of his wife. I thought, perhaps you could both hold onto each other.” She shook her head. “I know, his rejection stung, but you know him and his moods. You know that he isn’t good with emotions and since you’ve been gone, he’s been spiraling so very badly. It’s become…a major concern for his whole family. Mrs. Gray confided in me that you said you were falling in love with this man.”

“His name, is Luca Changretta.” Kate stated. “Not ‘that man’ or that other, vile name you chose to call him.”

“My apologies. Mr. Changretta.” She shook her head. “She said she can’t tell him because she doesn’t know if it would kill him or not.” THAT was another stab to the gut. “I, myself, am not sure he’d be able to hear the news. He is pushing himself so hard that he could kill himself. There’s this look in his eyes, God; he always had these eyes that were intimidating. But there’s something in his eyes, as if he’s holding on only until this vendetta is over. I don’t know what it is exactly, but it is scary to see.” Kate exhaled deeply. “I know, you say that you’re not bitter. But I can’t imagine any woman in your shoes not being bitter.”

Kate exhaled before admitting. “Alright, I suppose I was bitter in the beginning. But then, I became indifferent and I adjusted. But the reason why I’m not bitter now is because of that man in there. He’s helped me heal and I have become much stronger than before.”

“Are you sure it’s love that you feel towards him?” Mrs. Hughes asks. “The two of you did meet at a very vulnerable time in your life, when you were feeling betrayed by someone who was supposed to take care of you and you’d also loved him.”

“I’m certain. It wasn't love with Thomas”

“I am happy that you found love, if it’s real. But what you need to do is take a step back from both men. You’ve never had any time to yourself.”

She shook her head. “Luca gave me that time. He’d only call in to see if I needed anything. I had no idea that he had feelings for me, he kept things that proper! He wouldn’t even touch me at first and if he did, he’d ask me. He wouldn’t even sit beside me; he’d always sit one seat over so he could keep it very respectable. I had all the time in the world to go anywhere in America, I had the funds, he’d given me a bank account with funds so that I could do anything I wanted. But I didn’t want to be there. I wanted to be with him so much that I jumped on the next boat back after talking with him on the phone.”

“You’ve never really had the opportunity to be alone. There’s always been someone else there. Now, you’re with him, you haven’t had any time to think.”

“That’s the difference between the two men. I can be alone with both of them, but Luca makes sure not to neglect me. He respects me and cares about me, he gives me space when he thinks I need it, even if I don’t! With Thomas, I have been nothing but alone since I married him.” 

Mrs. Hughes studied Kate as she began chopping tomatoes. “Would you consider calling Mr. Shelby and talking to him?”

The knife slipped and Kate slice the tip of her finger. “OUCH!”

Mrs. Hughes jumped up as Kate quickly pulled her finger and the knife away from the cutting board. “Where’s the bandages?”

“In the bathroom.” Kate said, jerking her head towards the direction. “Oh, I should keep them in here.”

Mrs. Hughes hurried off as Kate put her hand under the sink and began to wash the blood off. “Katherine?” she inhaled sharply as she rubbed her skin the wrong way. “All the bags are,” his voice paused and he hurried towards her. “are you hurt?”

“Knife slipped.” He took her hand and looked at the cut. “It’s fine.”

He nods. “No stitches this time.”

She chuckles and shakes her head. “Yes. I didn’t get blood on the cutting board either.”

“Good.” He took out his handkerchief and asked. “Where’s the housekeeper?”

“Getting the kit out from under the bathroom sink.”

“Oh, I bought one for you, it’s under the sink.” She shook her head as he wrapped the handkerchief around her finger to staunch the bleeding. “I figured you’d need one, especially with mama teaching you harder things.”

She shook her head as he knelt and pulled out the kit. “Is that a sweet way of saying that you need kits everywhere because I’m accident prone?” He just shot her a little smile before looking through the kit for a bandage. After removing the handkerchief, he put the bandage on her finger, making sure it was secure. “Thank you, amore.”

“Be careful carina,” he said as he placed a kiss on her finger. “I want to enjoy lunch with you in one piece.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Good.” 

With that, he leaned forward to kiss her on the mouth. Kate let out a soft moan, leaning into his embrace. The height difference always made it feel as if she were reaching for him, but Luca always bent over so she didn’t have to stretch so high. It was an innocent peck at first, then it became a kiss. Then it became four kisses and Kate found herself clinging to him as she lost count of all the kisses he gifted her. Oh, God, she wanted this man so much.

“Katherine?” Mrs. Hughes voice caused them to draw apart. She walked into the kitchen and took one long look at them. Kate couldn’t read the look completely, but it caused her to blush. “I’ve got the kit.”

“Ah,” Luca said. “I already bandaged it. She didn’t know I brought a kit for the kitchen. I told Mama, but forgot to tell her.”

“How thoughtful.”

Luca clears his throat and turns to her. “Right, we’ll all be outside. Do you need anything from the store?”

“Uhm, no, but if the guys want drinks, maybe they can go get them? By the time they get back, lunch should be ready.”

“Alright amore.” He kisses her forehead. “I’ll let them know.”

“Thank you.” Kate smiles at him as he walks away from her. She shakes her head as she moves back over to the cutting board, a hand on her fluttering stomach. She picked up the bloody knife and put it in the sink before getting another knife. After checking her cutting board carefully for blood again, she resumed chopping the tomatoes. The silence prompts her to ask. “How much of that did you see?”

“Him kissing your finger after putting the bandage on.” Kate nods as Mrs. Hughes begrudgingly admits. “I’ll admit, he seems to care for you.”

“He does, he’s a very good man and I am happy with him.”

“Which you deserve, but,” she shakes her head. “you’re still married. I’m only going to say this. You both, should put your feelings on hold until you’re unmarried.”

She shakes her head. “Thomas hasn’t---

“You’re not the same as him. He's a man.” She said firmly. “You’re a woman, which means you have to be more careful. You know how complicated the divorce process is and his lawyer will drag you through the mud. If you’re still having feelings with his enemy, he will only come down harder on you.”

That much is true. The courts didn’t care if Thomas had an affair with his secretary and as many women as he wanted. She would be punished for loving Luca while married to Thomas. In addition, Luca was Italian, so abandoning your ‘British’ husband for someone who was Italian would already stack the cards against her. She exhaled deeply and looked at Mrs. Hughes. “So, what are you suggesting?”

“Put this thing between you on hold. Reach out to your husband,” Kate rolled her eyes. “and try to make amends. I am not saying, that you have to try to make the marriage work. But the longer this goes on, the more angry and hurt Mr. Shelby will become. If you want him to give you a divorce, you need to stop antagonizing him.” Kate glowered at her. “I know, you think that because you’re here with that man that everything is all happy and beautiful, it is not. Over there…everyone is angry and grieving. They’ll never admit it, but nearly everyone misses you in their own way. That little boy especially.”  God, Charlie! That broke her. “He’s already lost a mother, now, he’s set to lose a second one.”

“Mrs. Hughes,” she inhaled sharply. “don’t.”

“I know, you loved that boy very much and he loved you. It would be nice, if you could try again with Mr. Shelby,” Kate instantly started shaking her head. “but, as long as Mr. Changretta is in the picture, your thoughts aren’t’ there anymore. The family does miss you, Linda, especially. Says she feels like she’s alone now.”

“She has Arthur.”

“But you understood her. You know how everyone treated her; she felt you were the one member of the family who was a friend. I think, they could’ve forgiven you had you not left on the day of the funeral.”

“Enough, Mrs. Hughes.” She said firmly. “I won’t have you making me feel guilty for loving Luca anymore than I’ll let you make me feel guilty over John’s death. I liked John, I did, but what Thomas did to Luca’s family was wrong. Mrs. Changretta, was their schoolteacher and they knew her and her husband since they were kids. Mr. Changretta even let them borrow clothes because they couldn’t afford it. They felt no qualms about blowing Mr. Changretta’s brains out and then dumping his body somewhere. Luca and his mother still don’t know where he is. They didn’t even get to bury Angel properly! Luca had to track down the body afterwards and make sure to bury him with the rest of the family. Mrs. Changretta broke down on their wedding anniversary and she was crying because she won’t be laid to rest with her husband of nearly 40 years when she passes! There is a lot of pain on both sides and it can’t be helped.”

“You’re right, but this love of yours…it is adding more and more pain. If you’re feeling guilty, then a part of you must know that I’m right.” She stated. “I won’t say anything more on the matter, clearly your mind is made up. And you’re right, many people have suffered but they will keep on suffering. I just thought you could try to remove some of that pain. But until this matter is resolved, until you’ve made amends with your husband, this thing will drag on forever and no one will be happy. That includes both of you. If you want to move ahead, you can’t do that by dragging a mess behind you.”

As much as Kate hated to admit it, Mrs. Hughes was right. Lunch went off well, all the men enjoyed it, but she was lost in her thoughts. Some of the things Mrs. Hughes made sense, but some of it was just insane. Make amends with Thomas? If she wanted to make amends, she’d have to do it in person, over the phone wouldn’t be sufficient. But how could she even do that safely?! It seemed impossible. She couldn’t focus. She could feel Luca watching her and she knew that he knew that something was wrong.

She was so grateful when lunch was over. Luca, then asked Mrs. Hughes. “How long are you staying with Katherine?”

“Katherine?” Mrs. Hughes asks. “You call her Katherine?”

“it’s her name.”

“I know, its just no one else calls her Katherine.”

“Luca does,” she says as she sets a plate in the sink. “that’s what makes it so special.” She turned towards him and said. “She’s not staying much longer. She can go, if your men are leaving.”

He caught on and nodded. “Alright.”

Mrs. Hughes exhaled and said. “Will you think about what I said?”

"Yes." She nodded reluctantly, all she'd been doing is thinking about what she's said.

"I only want---

“Mrs. Hughes?” he interrupted, stepping casually in front of Kate, fully blocking Mrs. Hughes from her sight. “My men are ready, so, if you don’t mind…let’s go.”

Mrs. Hughes shook her head. “You’re very forward.”

“It's the American in me.” He moved forward. “The door, please. I don’t know what you said to upset her, but it’s clear that she wants you to leave. Now go, before I forget my manners.”

Mrs. Hughes didn’t need to be told twice. She turned and to the front door. Luca instructed his men to blindfold Mrs. Hughes and possibly more, he spoke in Italian. She suspected that he was telling them nothing, but he was putting Mrs. Hughes on edge on purpose. After a quick glance outside, they hurried Mrs. Hughes out of the house. Once she was in the car, he turned towards her and asked. “What happened amore? What did she say that upset you so?”

She exhaled and shook her head. “I don’t even know where to begin Luca.”

He exhaled and pulled her into his arms. She closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest. Strange, he was much taller than Thomas and George, but he was less intimidating. He wasn’t muscular, but she was pleased with his form. He exhaled and rested his chin on the top of her head. After a few minutes, he asked. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

So they did.

Chapter 85: Audrey's advice

Saturday morning,

---

“Alright,” Mrs. Changretta asked upon entry. “what’s the matter with you and Luca?”

Kate exhaled. Luca hadn't come inside, but he'd waved at her from the car. “We had a disagreement again. We made up, somewhat, we’re not mad at each other but…neither of us are happy about how it ended. We’re going to have to talk about it again.”

“Well,” Mrs. Changretta exhaled as she went to put the kettle on. Today, she was supposed to be teaching Kate how to make lasagna. “it happens. My Vincente,” she smiles. “we used to fight over things and sulk.” She smirked at her. “But it was much more fun to make up.” 

Kate laughs lightly as she sits down at the table. “I suppose so. Right now, it feels like such a headache.” Mrs. Changretta chuckles as she moves to collect two teacups and the dried tea. Kate exhales before asking. “How did you know that Mr. Changretta was the one?” Mrs. Changretta looked at her. “I don’t mean to pry, it’s just that…I don’t have anyone to ask. My mother died and my father,” she shook her head. “God, my father died still holding a torch for Polly Gray.” Mrs. Changretta made a face of disgust. “So, I really, don’t have anyone else I can talk to.” After a few moments of silence, Kate added. “If it’s too painful, it’s alright. You don’t have to talk about it.”

“People thought that I bonded to him because he rescued me, but no. The truth is,” she smiled. “we’d seen each other, quite a few times before then. His eyes, would follow me and I kept getting distracted by him. Something in his eyes, in his smile, told me that I was safe. When he rescued me…I had a feeling that he was the one. I’m sure Luca told you that he called on me the next day.” She nodded. “Well, we talked and talked for hours. It was… magical, we agreed on so many things and we politely disagreed on several. My parents, they ran a store, they came home to find us alone. Oh!” She laughed. “You can imagine the shock! I explained what happened and my father invited Vincente to dinner. My parents, they liked him, but as I was engaged, they didn’t think that there was anything going on until it was time to retire. Vincente, turned to my father and said, “Mr. Barretta, I would very much like to marry Audrey. If she’s willing, will you please allow her to take my hand in marriage?”

Kate stared at her. “Really?”

“Yes.” She shook her head, a sad smile on her face. “I was stunned, shocked that he’d done such a thing. I thought he was insane! Then…I looked at him. I looked into his eyes and I knew that I’d met the man that I was going to build a life with. When I accepted, my parents had a big fight, it didn’t matter much. We agreed to a brief courtship before announcing our engagement. I broke my engagement the following morning. People thought I was a whore for jumping from one man to the next, but, I just knew it.”

“But you were right, you did build a life together.” She said. “You were lucky to have each other.”

“Yes.” Audrey was silent for a while. “I miss him…so much. I even miss his snoring and those damn cigars he’d always come home smelling of. Now, I miss the smell and sounds. When we argued, it wasn’t like we hated each other. He was very stubborn and it would be very frustrating sometimes. I miss the little things. We learned to talk to each other without having to say a word.” Kate smiled, remembering the moments that she’d look at Luca and silently know what he was saying. That’s why she avoided his gaze sometimes because she knew that he could read her thoughts with one look. “Some nights, we’d sit in the parlor, not saying a word while feeling like we were saying everything. There’s this closeness that you feel with him and only him. I felt safe with Vincente…and he loved me with all his heart and soul. He’d do things, little things and expect nothing in return. He only wanted to make me happy and we had thirty-five beautiful years of this.” The kettle whistled and Kate stood up to get the water. Mrs. Changretta exhaled and said quietly. “What I wouldn’t give for another thirty-five minutes together.”

Kate’s heart broke. This vendetta was causing so much pain and suffering. She inhaled as she brought the kettle over to Mrs. Changretta and poured the hot water into the cups. “I’m scared, Mrs. Changretta.” Mrs. Changretta wiped her eyes before looking at her. “I’m scare of what’s to come. Not just with the vendetta, but, I’m scared that I won’t be good enough for Luca.”

“Why is that?” Mrs. Changretta asked. “I must admit, I had my doubts about you being a good wife for my son.”

“Because I’m not Italian?”

“That would be some mothers, not me.” She said. “Luca is all that I have. Him falling for a Shelby, that wasn’t easy for me at first.”

“I understand.”

“But you’re not a Shelby.” She stated. “You have the name, but there’s no darkness inside you.” Mrs. Changretta added some sugar to her tea. “Do you know what your name means?”

Kate shakes her head as she lifts her tea to her lips. “No, I don’t.”

“It means, pure.”

Kate sets down her cup, lest she drop it. She shakes her head. “You’re kidding.”

“No. Katherine means pure. Luca looked it up.”

She groaned. “God, was I named wrong.”

Mrs. Changretta shook her head. “I’d say you’re named right.”

“I’ve been married twice, I’ve been had by at least a dozen men including my ‘husbands’. I am far from being pure.”

“You have a pure heart. Kind, gentle and sympathetic. I’m not sure how, especially after everything that happened to you. But,” she smiled. “I’ve watched you come alive with Luca, you glow around him and it does my heart good to see the two of you happy in the middle of all of this.”

“He’s been very good to me, even before I knew he was in love with me.” She shook her head. “He kept quiet for nearly three months and he would have been silent longer had he not slipped and called me passerotta.”
“Your pronunciation is getting better.” Mrs. Changretta brought her tea up to her lips and sipped on it. “Any regrets about leaving America to be with him?”

“No.” She shook her head. “I didn’t really want to leave. When he gave me the tickets, I didn’t want him to go. I cried all night and I just thought it would be because I was going to be missing a friend. But,” she shook her head. “that week I spent on the boat, without him…I knew it. I knew that that Thomas had been right. That I had been in love with Luca, but hadn’t realized it. But, I was stuck on that boat for a week and there was no getting back to him. I didn't want to believe it and I tried to talk myself out of these feelings I had for him When I landed, I figured that I could stay in contact and that it would be enough. After all, there was no reason for Luca to even be attracted to me, but a part of me hoped. Then, we talked on the phone and there was this feeling. I’ve never known before, it was as if…the sun had suddenly risen in my heart. I can’t explain how I knew, I just knew that I belonged back here with him. I honestly thought, my heart was going to break because I wasn’t with him, but it was going to burst because I was going to see him again. Then, when I did see him,” Kate shook her head. “God…I thought I was going to start crying. He was so confused, as if he couldn’t believe I chose to come back to him.” Kate smiled. “You raised him well. He’s a very respectful man and so patient with me.”

“I should hope so!” Audrey stated. “If he ever lays a hand on you in anger or hurts you, you tell me and I’ll kill him myself.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, but Luca’s not capable of that. Intense passion, yes,” Kate laughs lightly. “but not violence.”

“Hmm,” Mrs. Changretta mused. “Luca said not to ask personal questions, but he’s not here and today’s a personal day.” Kate nodded in agreement. “As you brought up passion, are the two of you sleeping together yet?” Kate choked on the tea. “Luca is so vague. Not that I want details, I just want to make sure he isn’t hurting you.”

“He-he’s not,” she stuttered. “no, no, we’re not sleeping together.”

“Oh.” Mrs. Changretta actually looked disappointed. “I was hoping, not to put pressure on you, well…to hear news about grandchildren.”

Kate was surprised by Mrs. Changretta’s very modern response. “Mrs. Changretta, I’m still married.”

“In name only.” She stated. “You’ve never had a proper husband before. If the two of you marry, Luca will probably be the first man not to hurt you. Am I right?”

“Yes.”

“You love my son, don’t you?”

she nods. “Very much.”

She studies her and then asks. “What are you and Luca upset about?”

She exhaled. “My old housekeeper was here, she said I needed to make amends with the Shelby family.”

“Why?” Audrey asks directly.

“Because I owe them my life.”

Audrey studies her. “And Luca objects because he want’s to keep you safe?”

“Yes. I don’t blame him, Thomas kidnapped me once and he doesn’t want to risk me getting hurt.”

“You don’t have to make amends.” She stated. “You are a grown woman. You can make your own decisions on your own. Luca admires you, because of your loyalty to people .but every once in a while, you have to be selfish and think of yourself. If Luca makes you happy, then be happy together. Who cares what people think? I pray, that my son is victorious, because I want to have a family around me again. I haven’t seen Luca in years and I want to see him, playing with his children. I want to see the two of you, in a church, getting married.” Those words, hit Kate hard. “I want there to be family dinners and Christmas together once again.. He’ll have that with you. Life, is so very short. Treasure it, enjoy it, because one day you may wake up and it could all be gone. There’s nothing worse than having regrets about what you could have shared together."

That was the moment that Kate knew what she had to do.

She immediately dismissed herself and told Mrs. Changretta that she needed to make a phone call. She did and she went outside to use the phone. Calogero went upstairs when she said that she was calling Luca. That much was true. She did call Luca…but that was after she placed a call down to Camden Town and made an appointment to meet down there at 11:30 tomorrow.

 

Chapter 86: Negotiations

Kate fought back a smile as Alfie Solomons just stared at her in confusion. Well, he’d been staring at her for a long time because Kate had finished telling him the whole sordid tale of what had happened between her and Thomas. At first, she wasn’t sure that he’d heard it all until he finally woke up. “And you’re saying that, he won’t give you a divorce?”

“No.”

“No?” she nods as Alfie frowns. “Well, that don’t make no f**king sense!”

“I know, Alfie, none of this makes sense.” She exhales. “I’m sorry to drag you into this, but I needed to talk to him somewhere and it had to be neutral.”

“Aw, no problem sweetheart.” He said as he leaned back against a barrel. “You see, this here is all one big f**king mess up. Ain’t your fault at all.”

She stared at him. “It is, a little bit.”

“Yeah, well, I’m blaming f**king Shelby.” He said. “So, you said you loved him. Ain’t no big deal. Don’t matter if he didn’t love you back, a little love never hurt any man.”

“Thank you Alfie.”

She impulsively leaned over and pressed a kiss to his bearded cheek. “Aw, Christ,” Alfie grumbled. “don’t do that in the office! Anyone can see!”

Kate laughs lightly. “You’re just a great big teddy bear. You can’t fool me.”

Alfie snorts as Ollie knocks on the door and pokes his head inside. “Mr. Shelby’s just arrived.”

“Right, send him on in and Ollie, her driver made a phone call about twenty minutes ago. There’ll be a very tall Italian coming our way, make sure to send him in here when he arrives.”

“He may be annoyed.” Kate adds. “But tell him it’s alright, it’s neutral territory and I wanted to talk to Tommy first.”

Alfie shakes his head as Ollie backs out of the room. “F**king hell, a woman like you attracts all types of men, don’t you?”

She nods. “Yes, but not all of them are good.”
“Yeah, right.” Alfie folds his hands as he leans back in his chair. “You…I don’t f**king recognize. Last time I saw you, you were crying your eyes out on Good Friday.”

She nods. “A lot has changed since then.”

“Clearly.” He studied her. “Obviously, that Luca Changretta had a lot to do with it. Eh?” 

Kate blushed and nodded. “Yes, he did.”

“Well,” Alfie exhaled and leaned back. “can’t say much for him, ‘cause he’s a f**king wop---

“Alfie,” she warned. “don’t make me smack you.”

“Right, sorry. Anyways,” Alfie studied her. “he’s made a massive f**king improvement if I do say so myself. Got you smiling, looking even more pretty, even if you are wearing black.”

She arched a brow. “It’s Coco Chanel!”

“Yeah, no idea who that f**king is.”

She shakes her head as the door to Alfie’s office opens. Thomas walks in. Kate’s sitting in the corner behind the door, just out of Thomas’s line of vision. God, he does look terrible. He’s lost weight and he looks so exhausted. All amusement from Alfie’s antics left her body. She now saw why Mrs. Hughes was concerned, he looked terrible.

Thomas exhaled and asked. “Alfie, what the f**k is so important that you have to drag me on here?”

“Well, this.” Alfie handed Thomas an envelope containing the 15,000 pounds he’d spent on her to buy all her clothes. It also contained the jewelry that he’d bought her. He could sell it. “Got left for you and I said I’d make sure that you got it.”

Thomas let out a huff as he opened the envelope. Kate stood up and walked slowly over to him, quietly so as not to startle him. She could see when he recognized the jewelry, for his entire body went stiff. She licked her lips and said softly, so as not to startle him. “I remember,” he whirled around, clearly startled by her being there. “exactly how much you spent on the clothes. I remember you spending more on me, so, I added another 5,000 pounds.”

He stared at her, as if he were out of his wits. After a few moments he said. “Kate? You came to me?”

“I didn’t want to leave a trace as to where I am, so, I had Alfie arrange for you to come here.” She inhaled. “There was…a lot going on last time we spoke, with the kidnapping and all.”

“I was trying to rescue you.”

She nods, trying to be amicable. “My mistake, it just felt more like a kidnapping as I didn’t want to be rescued, but you weren’t to know that at the time.” She inhaled and asked. “Can we talk? Please?”

He stared at her in shock. “You want to talk…to me?”

She nods. “Yes, I do.”

He studied her a moment before asking. “Is Changretta here?”

She shook her head. “No, he isn’t. I wanted to try and make amends---

Before she could elaborate further, Thomas dropped the envelope and reached for her. Before she could understand what was happening, Thomas had grabbed ahold of her face and was kissing her deeply! Kate’s eyes bulged and she let out a garbled cry of surprise as she pushed at Thomas.

“Oi!” Alfie said as he poked Tommy in his shoulder with his cane. “Mate, break it up! Tommy!” Thomas broke the kiss and she bent backwards, trying to avoid him. Kate was so shocked that she could barely get a coherent thought together! He hadn’t even given her a moment to think, he’d just lunged at her and kissed her as if he were starving. “Right,” Alfie put his cane between them. “now, don’t do that Shelby. Go sit back in your chair like a good little boy.”

“She’s my f**king wife, Alfie.” He stated, causing her to exhale deeply. He still didn’t understand the difference between a wife and a possession. “She’s been gone for months. I f**king missed her.”

“That so? Well, I know for a fact, that she didn’t come here for that.”

“You said amends Kate.” He said, holding her gaze. “Didn’t you mean that?”

“I do, yes, I want to make amends, but not in the way you’re thinking Tommy.” She croaked. “There’s…bad blood between us. I wanted to talk, in private and I couldn’t think of another way to get in contact than through Alfie.”

“So,” Alfie jerked his head towards the chair that Thomas must normally sit in. “sit down.” Alfie grabbed her wrist and tugged her towards him. “You, come here.”

“Kate---

“Now, see here,” Alfie said. “this here, is an negotiation. Now, you and I both agreed a long time ago that no matter what happens, she stays safe. Remember?” Thomas nods. “Right, so, let’s get this whole thing under order.” Kate tried to discretely wipe her mouth, but failed. Alfie pointed it out and chuckled. “F**k mate, she didn’t even want you to kiss her.”

“Alfie,” Kate warned. “please, this is going to be difficult enough. You’re monitoring.”

“What the f**k is going on Kate?” Thomas asked. “You’re here with Alfie, wearing a dress I bought you---

“I paid you back.” She pointed out. 

“You’re here without Changretta. What is this?”

she inhaled and stated. “I wanted to talk to you about obtaining a divorce.” He went completely still. “Please. There’s no reason for us to stay married to each other, especially now that Sabini is dead. Things between us…it’s not possible Mr. Shelby.”

He shakes his head. “No. I won’t give you a divorce Kate.” He stood up and she moved to stand a little closer to Alfie. She wasn’t scared of Thomas, she just didn’t feel like getting grabbed by her husband at this time. She could forgive one kiss.

“Right, Tommy, sweetie,” Alfie said drolly as he picked up his cane, ready to poke Tommy again. “you may want to just give her that f**kin’ divorce. See, she’s got another fella.” Thomas went deathly still. His face growing more and more ashen by the second. “So, yeah, if I were you, I’d just go ahead and give her the divorce.”

Kate exhaled tightly. “Alfie, I wasn’t going to tell him just yet.”

“Sorry.”

“Is it true?” Thomas demanded lowly. “Kate?”

she inhaled and nodded. “Yes.” He shook his head, partially in denial. “I’m sory, I’ve entered into a relationship with someone now. We’re courting--

“Who is it?” he demands lowly. She can tell from the way he’s looking at her that he’s begging her not to confirm who it is. “Who?”

she inhaled deeply, her heart breaking for him as she said softly. “You already know, who he is.”

He looked at her, his blue eyes sparking to life with anger. “Changretta?”

She nods. “Yes, it’s Luca.” He turned, his hands on his waist as he exhaled deeply. She inhaled. “It wasn’t planned. It just happened. I wanted you to hear it from me and not somebody else.”

“And when was that?” He asked. “When’d it f**king start?”

she exhaled deeply and stated honestly. “It happened ….when I got back from America.”

He shook his head and bit out. “You weren’t even f**king gone a week.”

She inhaled as she said quietly. “Luca, revealed something to me by accident, but, I’d started to realize my feelings for him two days before I left.”

“When did it start for Changretta?”

she inhaled. “Luca had feelings for me long before I even realized it. However, he didn’t tell me immediately, he actually let me go to America. I came back to him.”

“How long?” Kate didn’t want to answer that question. She looked up at Thomas to see he was still furiously processing her words. She didn’t want to tell him the truth, but if she wanted that divorce, she had to be honest. “How long…has Luca Changretta had feelings for you?”

Thomas knew. He always knew because he was a mind reader. She inhaled and exhaled as she told him what he already knew. “Since Halloween.” His blue eyes flashed as she confirmed. “Luca Changretta was the man in the garden who kissed me.” 

That was the moment that Kate knew that this would be anything but a calm and peaceful discussion with Thomas.

---

Chapter 87: Possession or not?

Thomas’s face was still. She could see he was thinking this whole thing through. Kate exhaled. “I didn’t realize it was Luca, not even then. All I knew was he was someone who reminded me for a few minutes, that I was someone who was worthy of being loved and desired. When I left, Luca set me up in a house, I could do what I wanted and I really was alone that day in the phone booth. He made me realize something that day. You see, he took me to a movie, Buster Keaton.”

“Oh, funny man there.”

“Yes, but,” she inhaled. “I had never been to a movie before.”

Alfie choked. “F**king what?”

“That was my first movie and Luca, despite his attraction to me, never acted on it. He kept a seat between us, he never touched me without letting me know what he was doing. Surprisingly, he didn’t even visit me that often in the beginning, but on the few occasions that he did, it was very different. He took his time, got to know me and we became friends.” She didn’t know why she was telling him all this, but she was. “It probably wouldn’t have ever been more than that for me, but, when you took me and told me that you killed him. You were right, that was when I realized that I did have feelings for Luca, I didn’t realize how much I cared for him until I was on the boat to America. Luca had made arrangements for me to spend a week with some friends of his while I collected my thoughts. I called to let him know I was alright. Luca, lost his head and called me this pet name he called me in the garden. Once I realized it was him, I got back another boat and headed back here.”

“Hold on,” Alfie said. “you were on a boat for a week, then, the day you land, you get back on a boat to come back to him?”

she nods. “Yes.”

Alfie lets out a sound. “Geez, that’s f**king romantic.”

She blushed. “A little, but, after that, Luca’s been more attentive and we’ve agreed to move slowly in this courtship. His mother has been teaching me how to cook Italian.”

“Yeah, sweetheart,” Alfie said. “if his mother is teaching you how to make pasta, yeah, you’re both f**ked.” She laughed and shook her head. “Yeah, there’ll be wedding bells in the future.”

She inhales. “It’s a bit soon to be talking about wedding bells, especially with this vendetta, but,” she turned towards Thomas. “I know, that getting a divorce will take time, so, I’d really like to start the process---

“No.”

God, the way he said that word was so final. She exhaled. “Thomas---

“I told you from the beginning, that there’s to be no divorces in this house.”

She exhaled as she crossed his arms. “You told me a lot of things in the beginning, none of those were true either. I don’t want to stay married to you Thomas.”

“Kate,” he stood up and moved towards her. “I know that I hurt you a lot in our marriage---

“Do you?” She demands. “Do you really know how much you hurt me?”

“Yes.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t believe you. I refuse to believe that these apologies are sincere.”

“Kate---

“From the very beginning, all you did was push and push me before I was ready!” she shook her head. “God, what you did to me that first time.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Then what were you thinking!?” She demanded. “I wasn’t ready, you must have known I wasn’t ready!”

“I thought,” he said calmly. “you were trying to push through it. You said you were alright.”

She stared at him, tears filling her eyes. “You said you’d move slow…you didn’t! I screamed…I thought you’d torn me apart. I was crying, I asked you not to hurt me and you didn’t stop!”

“I asked you if you wanted me to stop! You said it was alright.”

“Look, mate,” Alfie said firmly. “if she’s screaming and crying, you got to stop. Don’t matter if she says it’s alright. She clearly weren’t.” 

Thomas at least had the decency to look ashamed now. He exhales as he looks at her. “I know.” She inhaled deeply as he said directly. “I’ll admit, I didn’t care in that moment Kate. I cared afterwards.”

“Well, that’s just too f**king late, ain’t it, Shelby?”

Kate shook her head. “No, you didn’t care.”

“Kate, I held you---

“I told you, that night I didn’t want to have sex with you ever again! And what did you do me the following morning?! Oh yes, that’s right, you told me to get in the bed again!”

“Jesus Christ, Tommy!” Alfie said. “You’re making it really hard for me to be on your side.”

“So don’t you DARE say that you cared afterwards, you didn’t! You only cared about your f**king cock!”

To her surprise, he actually nodded. “You’re right.” That anger she felt towards him was tamped down. “I’ve had a lot of time to look back on how things went, how I behaved towards you and I didn’t realize how much I hurt you.” She crossed her arms. “No, that’s not true. I knew it, I just didn’t care because…after everything you’d had with George I didn’t think what I was doing was so bad. Now, I realize that it was bad enough that you’d prefer to get into bed with Luca Changretta---

“Oh,” she bristled. “don’t you DARE go there! Luca and I are not sleeping together!” She shouted back. “Unlike you and George, he’s interested in ME, not when he can stick his cock in me!” 

Thomas snorted. “Like he hasn’t tried?”

“Believe it or not, all we’ve done is kiss. And if things do get to hot,” she took pleasure in this. “he stops because he wants to take things slow with me. He could if he wanted, he knows that I’m very willing,” oh, Thomas’s head shot up so fast that it looked like he snapped his neck! “but it’s not about sex with us. He says if I can’t be with him, he’s fine living a celibate life with me. Because he loves me that much. Are you willing to do that?”

“No.” Thomas stated instantly, causing Alfie to groan as he rubbed his brow. “Because unlike Changretta, I want a real marriage.”

“And you think we couldn’t have a real marriage without sex?” 

“No, you can’t.”
“Shelby,” Alfie states. “it ain’t about the sex. It’s about him wanting to take care of her. He wants her more than he cares about himself. Christ, mate! Did you forget how all this works when you first wife died?”

She shakes her head. “I don’t know why I’m even arguing about sex! You, have got a serious problem with sex!” Alfie chuckled. “I’m serious, I may have married you a month after Grace died, but you were already f**king Lizzie!”

Thomas bristled as he ordered. “Alfie, leave the f**king room.”

“Yeah, sorry, that’s a no.” He states. “You see, I don’t think you can keep your f**king hands off her and I wanna make sure that you do.”

“Thank you Alfie.” She inhales. “I’ve been married to you Thomas, I don’t wish to try again with you. I don’t want to be with a man who can’t tell me his feelings, that just uses me. I’m aware, that emotionally, it is hard for you to express yourself. But, I don’t think you really care for me. I think, you’re afraid of ending up alone.”

“I’m always alone.” He said. “I want you to be there with me, because I love you.”

She shakes her head. “I know you believe that---

“It’s true.” He stated. “And you know that I love you, you knew it even back then. That’s why, you kept pushing me away from you because you didn’t want to get hurt again.”

She shook her head. “No, I don’t---

“Do you remember, I wanted to talk to you Christmas Eve?” She nodded. “I started to realize that…my life, was empty without you in it when you were hospitalized with influenza.” Her purse fell out of her hands. She was NOT expecting such an admission. “I know, you didn’t want to talk to me, you pushed me away and I accept that it was my fault. It wasn’t your fault. I can’t even f**king blame Changretta for you responding to him that night.” Right now, she could only stare at Thomas in shock. “I did that, I hurt you so I could push you away, thinking that things could go back to the way they were.” Alfie snorted. “But, I know that I made a mistake and I’ve been wanting to tell you for months.”

She shook her head as she gasped. “But, you don’t talk. To me or to anyone!”

“And Alfie’s getting a f**king show now because if I want you back, I need to start talking.” She took a step back and he advanced towards her. “I love you Kate and deep down a part of you knows that you’re still in love with me.”

“I care for you,” she admits honestly. “how can I not? We spent nearly two years together and you did protect me from Sabini. There were a few good moments together, but not enough to make me come back. My feelings aren't the same as they were before."

“I know,” he says. “I wouldn’t expect you to move back into the house. You could move in with Polly.”

“Polly?” She laughs. “You honestly think that she or anyone else is going to accept me? I’m with Luca!”

“You haven’t shared a bed with him,” he stated lowly. “so, you’re still mine. You can leave Changretta.”

She shakes her head at him. “I don’t want to leave him. I’m happy with him, he makes me happy.”

“You can have that with me.” He said. “I can and will give it to you Kate. I miss you, so f**king much.” Her back hit the wall and Thomas grabbed her shoulders. She turned, Alfie was standing right beside them, reading to push Thomas off her at the word. “I spent a whole week, tearing up half of England trying to find where Changretta had taken you! I thought at first it was Sabini and I was f**ked out of my mind that you were being hurt, raped or already dead. I knew I loved you, even way back when you said you loved me, a part of me knew that I loved you, but I wasn’t ready for love. Not the kind you were offering to me and I thought, I could make it go away.” Tears started to trickle down her cheeks. God! Why was he saying these things to her? “These months apart, I’ve been going out of my f**king mind. I miss you. I miss so many things about you. I miss the way your beautiful eyes light up. I miss, the way you laugh, especially your smile.” 

God, she couldn’t move. Maybe because she was paralyzed. Prior to this, she really believed him to be the same, selfish bastard that he always was. This, declaration was VERY different from the one in the garage after he’d abducted her. 

“I miss the way, you’d tease me. No one f**king teases me.” Against her will, she lets out a faint laugh at those words. “I miss waking up with you beside me. You always, sleep with your mouth open.”

“I do not!”

“You do, you f**king do. And you make, the strangest sounds from the back of your throat.” He exhaled before admitting. “I know, that you didn’t want to be with me, I rushed it, I rushed you. But there were good times with us, you felt it, I felt it too.” He leaned forward, as if to kiss her. “You’re still my wife. Come back to me, Kate, leave Changretta and we can have a real marriage this time. I swear, I’ll love you for the rest of my f**king days.”

Chapter 88: Annulment

Kate was temporarily without words. She could only stare at him in complete shock. He was in earnest, she didn’t doubt for a moment that Thomas had feelings for her. But, it wasn’t love, it couldn’t be love! She saw something in his eyes, but, it wasn’t love. There was affection, but it didn’t feel like there was enough there to hold onto. She’d been gone for months! She’d met someone who loved her and she loved that man back! She did love Thomas, she had loved Thomas, but…what she felt for him now, it was almost non-existent. She felt something, but what?

Thomas must have accepted her silence as acceptance, for he leaned forward to kiss her. Kate instantly turned her head and Alfie nudge him back. “F**king hell mate, she’s thinking on it! You’ve dropped a lot on her.” Kate moved past Alfie and sat on the couch, her head on her hands. “Give her time.”

She didn’t really need time to think on it. Her heart already knew. The life Luca wanted to give her, was a very different life than the one that Thomas was offering her. The love was different as well and they way the treated her was so very different. Her feelings about Thomas were mixed and her feelings about Luca were clear. She loved him. She wanted to have a life with him, she wanted to marry him. She wanted that man, regardless of how complicated her love for him made things. Thomas, she didn’t know, but she knew that it was too late, it was too complicated and he really didn’t seem to be ready to enter a relationship with anyone. At least, not a real relationship that he was willing to work for. Yes, he wanted love, but, she’d learned that there was more to a relationship than love. She and Luca had worked hard and while Thomas’s declaration had been compelling, Luca Changretta had a firm hold of her heart and she was going to spend the rest of her life with him. 
She inhaled after ten minutes of careful consideration and stood up. Her heart trembled in her chest as she stood up and walked towards Alfie and Thomas. God, she could barely look Thomas in the eye. His expression was eager, full of hope and she was about to break his heart.

“I came here today…hoping to make amends.” She inhaled as she said. “Mrs. Hughes, said some pretty deep thinks on your behalf. She especially mentioned her concern about your health and, that bothered me.” Alfie lowered his hand from Thomas’s chest, letting him take a step or two towards her. She paused, leaning her hand on the desk. She shook her head as she said. “I didn’t think that I needed to…then I saw you.”

“Kate---

“Let me finish, please.” She took a step forward and reached for Thomas’s hand. He exhaled as she squeezed it, after a few moments she whispered. “You have to let me go.”

He shook his head. “No.”

“You must. You hold onto things too tightly and this is destroying you. Love, it isn’t supposed to be like that. I am very grateful to you. You saved my life, you took care of me and you in your own way, you did help me move along in so many ways. But,” she shook her head. “you also broke me in so many ways too.”

“Kate, please.”

“I’m not finished.” She inhaled. “When I came to you, I was a broken person. You put me back together again, but…you didn’t glue me back together.” Her voice broke as she said. “I don’t want to break you. I know, you’re a good man at heart, but, you’re just not good for me. I could have been good for you.” She tightened her grip on his hands. “I would have loved the hell out of you, Thomas Shelby. I wanted to put you back together like you did me.” He inhaled raggedly. “But, you didn’t want me or my love and by the time you did, it was too late.” Tears trickled down her cheeks as she said. “If you wanted to prove it to me, the moment was on Christmas day, right after the bath and you held me. That was, probably the first time you turned to me for comfort and I gave it to you, not because I wanted to be with you, but because I wanted to help you. What I felt, it didn’t matter because you needed what I could give you. I know, that I stepped away because Lizzie was at the table. If you had simply grabbed my hand and had me stand by your side, I would have stayed. But you let me go. Every time, you need me you let me go. Now it is time to let me go and you’re holding on because it’s what you should have done back then.” She inhaled and cupped his face in her hands. “This marriage…it can’t be fixed.”

“It can.”

She shakes her head. “You can fix a great many things, but you can’t fix this. I don’t hate you.” He finally made eye contact with her and they read each other. “I could never hate you. I wasn’t lying when I said that I care for you. I do.” She admitted honestly. “But I don’t love you.” He gripped her wrist tightly. “We found each other at the wrong points in our lives. I know, that I’ll be viewed as a backstabbing traitor, but, I love Luca. I can’t stop loving him any more than you can make me love you. That’s not how the heart works, I’m sorry.”

“I made, a blood bond with you.” He said. “I can’t break it.”

She shook her head. “Do you remember what you said to me when you cut my palms for the mingling of the blood? You said, that you would never hurt me. You said you’d encourage me, but you wouldn’t force me to be with you.” He exhaled and dropped his gaze. “You broke that bond, just as you broke our marriage vows.” He exhaled sharply. “Again, I don’t hate you. I just want to be free. I know, that, once we separate it’ll be difficult to be amicable, especially with this vendetta, but I just want you to know that I don’t bear you any ill will.” He looked up at her as she stated. “We both deserve better than what we can give each other.”

There’s a long silence between them. She can feel Thomas studying her intensely. She holds his gaze, letting him read her, letting him see that her feelings are sincere. After a good five minutes, he nods. “Alright.” She holds her breath as her heart races in her chest at his words. “I’ll give you an annulment. We can both agree to the marriage being forced, it’ll be declared invalid within 6 weeks.”

Kate exhaled in relief, her heart pounding in her chest. “Thank you.”

“But I do have one condition.” 

She inhaled and nodded. “What’s the condition?”

“That you don’t marry Luca Changretta.”

Her happy feeling dropped to her feet. She stared at him in shock. “Oh f**king hell, Tommy!” Alfie declared. “You were doing so good, mate! What the f**k!?”

“But,” she stammered in complete confusion. “I-I love him and he loves me. Why can’t I---

“If I have to give you up, that’s one thing. Handing you over to the man who killed my brother, is crossing the line.”

Her mouth dropped in shock. Even Alfie jolted beside her. “She f**king what?”

“But, I want to marry Luca,” her head spun. “I-I want to have a family with him. I love him.”

“Don’t care.” He said coldly and a shiver ran down her spine at his words.

“She crossed the line?” Alfie repeated angrily. “That’s what you said?”

She shakes her head. “No. I won’t promise that and if I did, I’d lie and marry him anyway.”

“Then I won’t annul the marriage.” He stated. “Nothing against you, Kate, I can accept that I ruin this whole f**king thing, it's my fault. But it’s him. If you wanted any other man, I could handle that, but,” he shook his head. “I will not, give you to the man that murdered my brother.”

“But…I’ve been married to you, I’ve shared your bed and he knows it! Do you think Mrs. Changretta doesn’t look at me and know that I was with the family that killed her son, her husband and nearly killed her!” she felt Alfie straighten up. “You slaughtered their whole family for no reason! But they both put all that aside, can you not do the same?”

“They killed my wife!!” He shouted, telling her that despite his initial desire for love and warmth, he still wasn’t over Grace. 

“No, you killed your own wife!” Kate stated as her blood started to boil. “God, you haven’t let go of your grief yet! You’re still nursing it and it is still festering! I know, you wish absolution, but again, you wouldn’t just fire your damn secretary.”

“Hold on,” Alfie said. “I think I’m missing something. Is that the same secretary that he---

“Yes! She was dating Luca’s brother. He gave the order to burn down the restaurant. Mr. Changretta asked for a meeting to discuss terms, but he didn’t even bother to show up, sent his younger brother who was wanted to marry the secretary before Mr. Shelby made him marry somebody else.” Alfie’s brows rose. “He then had two clubs of Mr. Changretta’s destroyed and then John cut angel’s eye and beat him up. Mr. Changretta ordered a hit on him. The assassin missed and hit Grace.” She inhaled. “He then cut Angel’s throat, sent orders to kill Mr. and Mrs. Changretta.” Alfie looked at Thomas, his jaw getting more and more rigid, while his eyes got bigger. “Arthur and John spared her life, but Mr. Changretta was killed.” She inhaled as she blinked back the emotion. “Mrs. Changretta, used to be their schoolteacher, for all three of them.” Alfie turned towards her, his eyes steadily burning with anger. “They were married for thirty-five years and his body hasn’t even been returned to her! Angel was discarded in a pauper’s grave and Luca had to go dig him up and bring him home!”

“It was less than what they deserved.”

“Tommy,” Alfie bit out. “I am warning you…to shut the f**k up!”

“They killed my wife!” he said. “I wasn’t going to look the other way!”

“Yet you expect Luca to?” She demanded. “I am sorry for your loss. I am sorry for Esme’s loss but I am also sorry for their losses!”

“So you’ll stand by their side and watch him try to take us out?”

“ENOUGH!!” Alfie suddenly shouted. Kate stared as Alfie suddenly swung his cane and smashed it into a picture frame on the wall! Thomas and her were both stunned into silence at Alfie’s outburst. “F**k! Now, I’ve heard a lot of f**king idiotic things in my life, but this, this is the f**kingest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Alfie,” she inhaled. “it’s alright.”

“No, you see, the thing is, it ain’t all right. You knew that right away, but he’s too f**king stubborn to admit it.”

“Who’s f**king side are you on, then Alfie?” Thomas demanded.

“There is no f**king side!!” Alfie bellowed in Thomas’s face. “What’s the matter with you Tommy? You’ve gone f**king angry! ‘The line’. You said, SHE crossed the f**king line. But the truth is, she didn’t cross it. YOU crossed the line. You crossed the line so badly that you left no f**king line for her to cross!” Alfie demanded. “You’re the one who went and f**ked someone else in the house with her f**king in it!! You’re lucky she didn’t f**king shoot you or the secretary! Don’t know why the f**k she didn’t either!” he turned to her. “Why the f**k didn’t you?”

“Didn’t want to be tempted to kill him.” She explained. She didn’t know why she was letting Alfie take the lead on this discussion, but she was running out of fight. Thomas always was able to wear her down. 

“See? That there, is a woman to f**king nice for her own f**king good! And she was good to you. Too good for the likes you and you knew that. All of us f**king knew it. I saw it when she sat down, even though she wanted to dance with you. But you were just so angry with her that she just stopped because she didn’t want to make you uncomfortable! She was crying, but you didn’t apologize to her or nothing. If you did that in front of me and your family, I don’t want to f**king imagine what you were like when we were there.” Alfie suddenly shouted in Thomas’s face. “And what f**king "line" is she supposed to have crossed?! You see, the only thing she did was f**king fall in love with a f**king wop. But who’s fault is that she fell for that f**king wop?”

“She’s with---

“It don’t f**king matter who the f**k she's with!!” Kate held her breath as the two men were in each other’s faces as Alfie bellowed. “I want you to acknowledge that your anger towards her is UN-F**KING JUSTIFIED! I want you to acknowledge that he who fights by the sword, he f**king dies by it, Tommy.” Alfie inhaled sharply. “So what? Changretta took your girl did he, eh? You went and f**ked someone else! So what f**king line did she cross!?” Alfie inhaled as he asked lowly. “She loves a murderer! Well all of us are f**king murderers!! How many fathers, right, how many sons, yeah, have you cut, killed, murdered f**king butchered, innocent and guilty? You are going straight to f**king hell, ain't ya? JUST LIKE ME! Just like Changretta! You f**king stand there, you, judging her, stand there and talk to her about crossing some f**king line. Changretta’s have a grievance, but they want that girl in the family. You, you’re like a little boy who left their favorite toy out in the rain and another boy picked it up. Except it weren’t a boy that picked her up, it were a man and that man, took care of her. That’s what she wants and that’s what she f**king needs. You want to be the man again, you f**king let her go. You wanna stay the little boy, then you hold onto her, but that man is gonna knock the f**k out of you because he wants to give her everything that you can’t. You’re not there Tommy, so be the man and f**king step away!”

There’s complete silence. Kate holds her breath, scarcely daring to breathe. Alfie was absolutely amazing. He didn’t put up with nonsense. There’s a knock on the door, causing her to jump, but both men are staring each other down. “Uhm, there’s a very angry Italian outside, with a gun, shouting for Katherine.”

“Oh!” Kate spins around. “Tell him I’m fine. Tell him passerotta.”

“Tell him what?”

“It means sparrow, you f**king git.” Alfie said without looking away from Thomas. 

Once the door shut, Thomas exhaled and said quietly. “Well said Alfie. Well said.”

Alfie nodded. “I know.” He exhaled and said. “It ain’t easy mate. But you got to do the right thing.”

Thomas nods. “I know.” He exhales as he turns away, rubbing his eyes.

Alfie turned towards her and asked. “Now, what the f**k’d you bring into my house?”

“Luca’s just worried.” She said. “He won’t even be angry when he walks in here.” Thomas snorts. “He’ll walk in, see me, most likely ignore you Alfie and ask if I’m alright.”

“Well, interesting.” Alfie turned to Thomas. “Care to make a bet on that? 5 pounds?”

he exhales deeply and nods. “Why not?”

she shakes her head. “If you’re both betting that I’m right, it’s a sure bet.”

“You’re that sure of yourself?” Alfie asked.

“Myself, no?” she smiled faintly as she stated. “I’m that sure of him.”

---

Author's note: Yes, yes, I know, but Thomas isn't there yet! He's close, but not quite. It's not over yet. There's still another 50 chapters to go, so hold on and breathe into a paper bag if needed. 

Chapter 89: Neutral ground

Luca’s heart was pounding in his chest as the man, Ollie, that was his name hurried down the corridor to this Alfie Solomon’s office. He’d already yelled at Calogero for taking Katherine down here! He’d had no idea that she was down here! They’d disagreed about her reaching out to Shelby, he’d said that he’d preferred that she did it by phone. She said that she’d be safe, but he didn’t trust Shelby. She was too trusting. She had no idea how f**king scared he’d been that one time. He’d looked in to see Shelby had her pinned down on the table! Despite her claims that Shelby wouldn’t have raped her, he didn’t believe it. She was Shelby’s wife and Shelby could do whatever he wanted to her. These stupid laws protected the husband, while leaving the wife vulnerable. Until Katherine was divorced from Shelby, he was going to make sure that she was alright.

“Right,” Ollie gestured towards the office. “I’ll just---

he shoved Ollie out of the way and opened the door. Katherine, was perched on the edge of the desk talking to a bearded man. The bearded man glowered at him. “Right, excuse me mate, I know you f**king wops are---

“Alfie!” Katherine stated. “I’ve told you---

“Katherine, are you alright?” Luca asked as he reached for her, not caring about the man’s slur at the moment.

“Yes, mi amore. I’m fine.” He wouldn’t believe it until he held her in his arms again. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and she sighed, leaning forward to rest her head on his rapidly beating heart. She exhaled as she placed her hand on his heart. “Luca, breathe. I’m alright.”

“I know.” He said as he tightened his grip on her shoulders. “I don’t know why you didn’t want me here, but please, don’t do that again. If he hurt you and I wasn’t there---

“I had Alfie.” She assured him. “He was a good chaperone.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. Alfie is neutral in all this.” She reached up and caressed his face. “But I am sorry, Luca. I didn’t want to hide this from you, but, this was something that I needed to do for myself. Can you forgive me?”

he exhaled as he confessed. “I forgave you the moment I saw you were alright, carina.”

She ran her hand down the scar on his cheek before stating. “Baciami.”

Kiss me. Oh, she’d held onto that for a day like today. “Please don’t.” This Solomons said. “I haven’t eaten yet.” He didn’t care. He leaned forward and kissed her on the mouth. She moaned, her hands gripping his shoulder blades tightly. He lifted her slightly up from the desk, needing to hold onto her. He didn’t care if this made him look weak in front of this Solomons, Katherine could have been hurt. “Right, enough of that.” He gently broke the kiss and gave her a light peck on the lips. She sighed. “Christ the two of you are f**king disgusting.”

“Alfie,” Katherine said. “enough.”

“Well, if the two of you are gonna f**k,” this Alfie says, causing his blood to burn. “at least have the decency to do it out not on my desk.”

“Alfie, it was just a kiss.”

Katherine hopped off the desk. This Alfie Solomons, sized them up, well, him in particular. He held Alfie’s gaze, clearly this guy didn’t like Italians but, he liked Katherine so he was putting up with it. “Well, you’re tall. Not as f**king good looking as Tommy, but, eh, I can see the appeal.”

“Alfie---

“No, I’m serious.” He says as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his wallet. “That’s five pounds you owe me Tommy.” At the name Tommy, Luca spun around to see that Thomas Shelby was standing behind him, a solemn look on his face. He reached for Katherine, instinctually putting her behind him to protect her. “Now, this here is neutral territory. No f**king shooting each other, especially not in my office. Understood?” 

Luca looked at Shelby who glared back at him. Oh, he wanted to kill this man so f**king badly. Instead he inhaled and exhaled, not wanting to fight in front of Katherine. She patted him on the back and came to stand beside him. He glanced down at her as she slid her hand into his. He exhaled and addressed her. “How’d it go?”

She shook her head. “It had it’s moments. He suggested an annulment instead of a divorce. It’ll be faster and less public.”

He nods. “That’s good.”

“But,” she exhales. “he’ll only grant it with a condition.”

“And?” he asked. “That is?” he knew it wasn’t good, he could feel the tension in Katherine’s shoulders.

She exhaled, clearly reluctant so Solomons stated it for her. “Yeah, he says she can’t marry you, mate. And she weren’t going for that. Apparently, she wants kids too and he can’t stand that.”

Luca felt his irritation with Shelby rise. He turned to Shelby, really fighting the urge just to shoot him in the head. “That so?”

Shelby nodded. “If she wants to go, she can go, but not to you. Not after you killed John.”

“Oh,” he drawled. “so, you’re thinking it’s a matter of honor, then?” Shelby said nothing. “I got news for you, if you’d showed any semblance of honor towards her, she’d consider it. But you didn’t.” Luca reached into his pocket for a match. “After what you did to her…you’d think that, your honor would make you let her go.”

Shelby studied him coldly. Then, he said. “Alright, I have another proposition then.”

Luca’s brow arched. “I’m listening.”

“You win the vendetta and I’ll sign the annulment papers, she walks away with an additional settlement of 20,000. But if I win the vendetta…she comes home with me.”

“No.” Luca shook his head. “She’s not a bet to be collected. Katherine, I may watch over her and protect her, but she is free to come and go as she pleases. She knows this. She’s not some f**king piece of property.”

Shelby held his gaze before asking directly. “You gonna marry her?”

He decided not to answer that question. He just smirked as he twirled the match around in his mouth. “What do you think, Shelby?” 

Katherine cleared her throat and said. “We should go, Luca.”

He nods. “Yes.” He watches as she turns towards Solomons and gave him a hug. He extended his hand towards Solomons and said. “Thanks, for looking after her.”

“Yeah, she’s a fun little thing.” Solomons looked at her with the affection that an uncle had for his niece. That was good to know. “I ain’t in this, but she says you treat her good so see that you do.”

Alfie nods. “Always will.” He glanced at Katherine who was blushing prettily. “Yeah, I want to keep that smile on her face.”

“Amore, please.”

“Yeah, see, I don’t like you.” Solomons stated directly. “Don’t care for the look of you, but the two of yous so cute, that I’ll f**king get over it in time. Now she, she says she loves you.” He didn’t look at Kate, but he knew she was blushing. "Yeah, said she wants to have your babies. That's good, after everything... it's nice to know that you're man enough to f**king give her everything that her heart needs in this life. She deserves to be happy and be loved by a good man. If you're offering her all that, you must be a good one."

He didn’t respond to that. He just tipped his hat in Solomons direction. He prepared to lead Katherine away, when he saw her looking at Shelby. She reached out and placed her hand on his forearm. “Take care of yourself your family is so worried about you. Please, try to let them in.”

Shelby said nothing. But the sadness in Katherine’s  eyes as she turned away from Shelby prompted Luca to ask her. “Do you want to stay with him?” Shelby went stiff at those words. Katherine stared at him in surprise. He didn’t want to ask her, but there was affection for Shelby in her eyes. If she was reconsidering, he wanted to know now. “It’s ok if you do.” It wasn’t, it really wasn’t, but he wanted Katherine to be happy. If she couldn’t be happy with him, he didn’t want her to feel like she was stuck with him.

She shook her head. “No, I don’t.” He exhaled deeply as she took his hand in hers. “Still,  thank you for asking me. That was considerate of you.”

He exhaled as he took her hand. “I want you to be sure amore.”

“I’m sure. I care for both of you,” she admitted, tears building in her eyes. “in very different ways. I don’t want to see either of you get hurt or killed and it, is killing me to be caught like this. But as far as my heart goes, he’s in my past. Luca, you’re my future.”

That was all he needed to hear. He wrapped his arms around her shoulder and held onto her. “I’ll bring you home, amore.”

“Please.” She requested softly.

As he turned and guided her to the door, Solomons said. “Yeah, Shelby, take notes. Been a while for you, but…yeah, she ain’t gonna leave that one. Can’t say as I blame her.”

As much as he’d have preferred to stay and gloat, he wanted to get Katherine out of this place. She leaned into his side and exhaled deeply. He reached into his pocket and offered her his handkerchief, which she waved it off. “I’m alright.”

“You sure?”

she nods. “Yes. It just hurts.”

“I’m sorry amore.” And he was. He hated hurting her. “I can’t, let this go yet.”

“I know---

“But I wish I could.” He stopped walking and made her look at him. “I do not like hurting you like this.”

“I know.” She gripped his forearms. “I wish…I hadn’t been born in this world so I wouldn’t understand this. But I was…and I do understand. I just wish…I didn’t feel so bad.” He did as well. “You’re hurting, I’m hurting, your mother is hurting, he’s hurting and his family is hurting.” She shakes her head. “It’s too bad that there’s so much hurt in this world that we have to cause more pain to heal it.”

She was right. He wished that he could let it go, but he couldn’t. There was no use talking about it. He placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her, to the best of his recollection outside of this place. The car ride was silent and he’d walked her up to the front porch and stopped.

He exhaled and said. “I’ll let you have the rest of the day to think.”

“Thank you.” She inhaled as she placed her hand on his. “But call me tonight, please.”

He nods. “I will carina.” And with that, he leaned forward and held onto her. She relaxed with an exhale as he held onto her. For a moment, it was just them in the entire world. She realized, as did he. He ran his hand through her scented hair. She wore that vanilla perfume that he loved and he felt her body just relax in his arms. 

After a few moments, she stretched up and kissed him. He returned her kiss, losing himself in the nearness of her. After a few seconds, she smiled at him. “Call me when you get back, alright?”

He nods. “Yes.” As she started to walk inside, he was unable to stop himself from saying. “If you weren’t a married woman,” she paused, turning slowly towards him. “I’d take you upstairs to your room and make love to you all night.” Oh, how he meant that. It was getting harder and harder to resist each other. Moments like this, only made it more obvious between them, the mutual want and desire. It just kept growing. “It would be morning before  I was finished with you.”

She hesitated before adding. “If I weren’t a married woman, Luca Changretta,” she inhaled before speaking the words that confirmed what he’d started to feel. “I’d let you.”

He studied her before asking her. “Solomons said that… you told Shelby you wanted to marry me,” She swallowed, her face heating in embarrassment. She looked so cute when she was embarrassed “have my bambini, cause you love me. That true?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

Her face was so pink that he decided not to push her. Instead, he’d said. “Good to know.” He twirled the match in his mouth. “I’ll call you when I get back to the hotel.”

“Alright.” He tipped his hat to her and went down the stairs. He needed to talk to his mother. This vendetta was invading his life and he wanted it to stop.

Chapter 90: Being selfish

The following week,

---

Mrs. Changretta yawned, causing Kate and Luca to glanced towards her. It was 8:00, they’d stayed late eating olive oil cake and sipping chilled limoncello while listening to opera. She loved this. It was so calm and soothing after that meeting with Thomas. Her heart felt lighter. Mrs. Hughes had been right, making amends had all been well and good. Alfie, wound up calling her two days after that meeting, telling her to tell Changretta to come by the bakery to get a delivery. Luca had arrived, to find that Thomas had delivered his father’s body Luca. 

That, had been a hard day, especially for Mrs. Changretta. Luca had refused to let her see the body, but she’d pleaded. It had taken Kate’s persuasion as well to stop her from seeing the body. Vincente was finally laid to rest of his family. Audrey was now relieved that she could lie in peace with her husband when she finally passed.

“You tired, Mama?” Luca asked.

She nodded. “A little bit.”

He stood and finished his glass of limoncello. “Let me give Katherine a hand with these, then I’ll take you back.”

“There’s no rush.” She stood up and smiled. “The night is young, you two say your good-byes. I’ll be out on the swing.”

“I’ll wrap some cake up for you to take.”

“Thank you Katherine.” Mrs. Changretta hugged her. “Perhaps, a little extra for the driver as well.”

“I’m fine, Mama.” Luca said as he began collecting the plates and forks.

“You’re too skinny. Katherine needs something to hold onto when you’re dancing!” 

Kate laughed lightly as she gathered up the glasses. “I assure you, Luca is just right.”

“Hmm, a few more pounds won’t hurt. Fill out that face a little bit. Besides,” his mother adds in a lower voice. “that wasn’t the type of dancing I was referring to.”

Kate blushed vibrantly. “Mrs. Changretta, you’re terrible!”

“I want grandchildren one day.” Kate nodded. God, she still hadn’t talked to Luca about children. She had to one of these days.

“I’m getting impatient.”

“We’ll discuss children, once this vendetta is over.”

Mrs. Changretta nodded, her gaze growing dark. “Not yet.” Kate nods, not wanting to start another fight. She suspected that Mrs. Changretta had managed to see Vincente’s body and that explained the renewed passion in her eyes for this vendetta. “One day.”

 “One day.” She exhales and says. “I better give Luca with a hand before he finishes the dishes without me.”

“Eh, he can do the dishes.” At that moment something broke in the kitchen, causing Luca to curse. She shook her head. “I hope.”

“I’ll give him a hand.” Kate came quietly into the kitchen to see Luca picking up a broken plate. “I’ll get the broom.”

“It’s alright, amore.” He assured her. “It broken into 3 pieces.”

“Oh, that’s good. No extra work for me.” He chuckles as she put the glasses in the sink. She frowned. “Where’s the dishes?”

“Oh, I did the silverware and plates. I dried them, put them away, but,” he smirked at her. “as you can see I broke this one.”

“I don’t care.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “A man who does dishes without being asked?” she tilted her face up, teasingly to him. “Do you have any idea, how much more handsome you just became in my eyes, just now?”

“No, amore, but,” he kissed her nose. “if we marry, I’ll help you with the dishes every night.”

“Hmm, that sounds good.”

With that, he kissed her on the mouth. Ever since Alfie had told Luca that she wanted to marry him, things had changed between them. Things were much more intense, dare she say, passionate between them. Luca deepened the kiss just slightly and she moaned as he gently backed her up against the sink. His hands stayed on her waist and shoulders, but they twitched, so she knew that he wanted to touch her. God, she was aching for him to put his hands on her at least once. 

Unable to stop herself, she ran her hand down his forearm to the one on her waist. She guided his hand upwards and Luca broke the kiss slightly, his eyes following where she was guiding his hand. “Carina?”

“Touch me.” She requested softly. “Please.”

Luca nodded, his breathing growing ragged as he caressed her rib cage. Kate shivered, she was sensitive, slightly ticklish there. Luca kissed her nose. Their breathing grew heavier as Luca finally cupped her breast in his large hand. She moaned against his mouth as he massaged her breast. Her hand ran up his forearm towards his chest. She slipped her hand inside his vest, moving it towards his rapidly beating heart. 

He groaned as he reluctantly broke the kiss. “I need to go.” He rasped against her lips.

“Work?”

he shakes his head. “No.”

“Oh.” She understood. It was too much. 

It was all becoming too much for them. Luca had given her some space after that whole meeting with Thomas, but now, she wanted him more. She wanted him. She began to rapidly think on why the hell they were even waiting for her to get divorced. Luca had known she was married the first time he’d kissed her. She’d known it as well, but that hadn’t stopped them from getting involved romantically with each other. She knew that he wouldn’t be likely to get her pregnant. George had failed, Thomas had failed, so it was a pretty sure bet that Luca wouldn’t be able to get her pregnant. So, that made them getting involved sexually, relatively safe. There was no chance that she could get impregnated by him out of wedlock. So, why wait?

Luca kissed her one the forehead and said. “I’ll call you.”

She shook her head. “No.”

He frowned. “No?”

“Luca,” God, she didn’t know what to say to him. She’d never asked him or any man this before. She swallowed and stuttered util the words just burst out of her. “will you…come to me tonight?”

“You want me to come back, after dropping my mother off?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “Please.”

He glanced at his watch. “It’ll be late amore.”

“I don’t care.”

He hesitated and then he asked. “Amore…are you asking me, to spend the night?”

“Yes.” she inhaled as she stammered. “Yes, I-I want to know.”

“Know what?”

God, she was going to die of embarrassment. “What it feels like…with someone who’s good and nice.”

“Good and nice are alright,” he said softly. “but, it’s better when you want to be with someone.”

“I know.” she inhaled. “I-I’ve never asked anyone this, before.” she swallowed as she confessed. “You’re the first and only man, I’ve asked so…I’m not sure, how to say it right.”

“You’re…saying it just right. But,” he paused. “I thought…because you were married---

“Thomas, was sleeping with Lizzie for over a year while he was married to me. He slept with her still and he’s probably still sleeping with her now.” She inhaled. “Not that I’m jealous, I made my peace with it a long time ago, but,” she shook her head. “I never, planned on this. Never planned on you.”

“I know.” He exhaled deeply. “I just want to know…what made you decide this?”

“Your mother, actually.”

“Ah,” he nods. “yes, she’s been bringing up grandchildren as well. I hope, she hasn’t been putting pressure on you amore.”

“No,” she licked her lips. “to be honest,” she confessed. “I don’t think, I’ll be able to give you any children. But, that wasn't what I've been thinking about.” He said nothing about that, he didn’t even react. After a few moments of silence, she continued. “I just realized that….I’ve been doing the right thing, over what I’ve wanted to do. I gave up John, because my father didn’t approve at the time. I married George, because my father said he was a good choice. I let George beat and torture me because I was trying to save my father. I married Thomas because again, it seemed like a good idea and the only way to be safe.” Her face heated as she said. “But, I can’t do this anymore with you, Luca. I am tired of doing everything that everyone wants me to do. I want to be a little selfish and do what I want.”

“And,” he inhaled sharply as he asked. “what is it that you want?”

“I want to be with you.” He instantly enfolded her in a hug. “I can’t, pretend anymore, that, I don’t want to be with you when I do.”

“I want you too.” He inhaled. “I’ve fought it, I’ve tried, but…you’ve made it so hard for me.”

“I don’t want to miss out on this with you. Please, Luca.” She inhaled. “I don’t know if I’ll be any good for you, but I love you and I want to be with you.” She ran her hand through her hair. I don’t care if it’s proper or not.”

He inhaled as he asked. “Katherine, are you sure?” she nods. “Be sure. I don’t want to take advantage of you.”

“You couldn’t.” She ran her hand down his cheek. “You couldn’t if you tried.”

He studied her and then planted a chaste kiss on her nose. “Amore, I’m going to take my mother back, then, I’ll come back. If you want it, then I’ll take you upstairs and make love to you.” Tears glistened in her eyes at his words. He frowned. “What?”

“It’s nothing.” She inhaled. “I’ve always heard things like, “I’m going to f**k you” or “it’s just sex” for so long.” She shook her head. “No man…has ever said that he’s going to make love to me.”

He inhaled, she knew he was upset. He always tapped those emotions down, but she loved that he cared so much. “‘Never f**k, amore, I’ll always make love to you.”

She shakes her head as she confesses. “You keep making me fall more in love with you, Luca Changretta.”

He smiled at her. “I’ll try not to be too late, I’ll be back by 9:00.”

“That’s alright.” She nods. “I’ll wait.” As he turned to walk away, she remembered something. “Uhm Luca,” he turns towards her. “uhm, it’s just….you need to buy ky jelly.”

He frowns. “What’s that?”

Her face heated. “I have…a hard time getting, wet and the jelly helps me. It, comes in a tube at the pharmacy.”

He shakes his head. “We’ll be fine without it.”

“But,” she swallows. “he couldn’t---

“I’m not Shelby or Sabini.” he stated. “I know how to take care of a woman and I’m going to take care of you.” God, she wished that she were as confident as he was. “Don’t change,” he requested. “we’ll start slow and I want to help you out of everything, get you used to my touch. Alright?”

she nodded, her heart rate accelerating as she realized that this was actually going to happen to her. “Yes.”

He nods. “I’ll be back.”

She nodded. She watched from the window, waiting until he and his mother had driven off before grabbing her purse. Calogero followed her to the pharmacy, which was a five-minute walk away. They were just closing, but she said it was 1 item and it was important. So, they’d let her grab the jelly and pay for it. Calogero had waited outside, so, he was unaware. But he’d know what was going on when Luca came back. Yes, he said that she didn’t need the jelly, but she’d needed it to get used to Thomas. She could keep it in the drawer, there in case Luca needed it.

She then went upstairs and changed. No matter what Luca said, she wasn’t comfortable with him seeing everything. She’d worn a brassiere and shorts tonight. So she got out of her dress and removed the bra, but added a slip. She didn’t want him seeing all the scars and burns that covered her. She felt beautiful with him and didn’t want to see the look of disappointment in his eyes when he saw how truly ugly she was without her clothes on. Not even Thomas had seen her naked. True, she told him once that she didn’t want him to see her and he’d honored that. She hoped that Luca honored her request as well. 
She then went downstairs after redressing and finished washing the limoncello glasses. She then swept the kitchen floor, finding a few little broken glass shards. God, she wanted another drink, but she didn’t want to be tipsy like she’d been with Thomas. She wanted to be in control. She went through several cups of water, then had to run to the bathroom. That led to Kate pulling out a washrag and spot-cleaning her body. She then went out and began flicking through the records. She groaned in frustration as she put something on that seemed to rattle her nerves. She flipped it off and put on something by Debussy, but that still didn’t calm her down. As she walked the room, a strange thought hit her.

She was nervous.

George, she hadn’t been nervous her first time because she hadn’t cared. Then after those years of ‘marriage’ she’d just shut down. Men had had sex with her so many times that she'd just died inside. Thomas, she’d dreaded and had been scared. But Luca, she felt nervous about! She was actually nervous! This wasn’t supposed to be anything new or different, but it felt like it was.

The knock on the door, caused her to shriek and the book that she’d been attempting to read, flew out of her hand! She exhaled sharply and moved towards the door. She opened the door and there stood Luca. He studied her, a faint smile on his face as if he could sense her nerves a mile away. He reached behind his back and pulled out a single, red rose. He’d NEVER bought her roses before. Said, he’d only buy them on special occasions and he'd bought her one tonight.

“Oh.” She accepted the rose and inhaled it's sweet scent. "It's beautiful."

“May I come in, amore?”

she nodded, her heart pounding in her chest. “Yes. Yes, Luca.”

He stepped inside and closed the door behind him. He locked it and hung up his hat, as well as his coat on the knob by the door. She could barely speak as he turned towards her and kissed her deeply. His kiss settled her nerves, just a little bit though. After a few kisses, he asked. “May I take you upstairs?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

He picked her up, bridal style and her heart melted. God, he was such a good man to her. As he carried her upstairs, she silently begged God to take mercy on her. She’d had enough horrible men in her life. Please, let her instincts be right and let Luca be as good to her as he appeared! If he wasn’t, the damage to her soul would be indescribable.

Chapter 91: Preparation

“Open the door, carina.” Luca said as he stood outside her bedroom. 

She found the knob with a shaking hand and opened it. She pushed the door open and Luca entered her room. Her heart was pounding violently in her chest. God, she hoped that tonight went well. Luca sat her down on the edge of her bed, before reaching for the lamp on her nightstand. He switched it on and she nervously squeezed the rose in her hands. Oh, she was going to be sick!

Luca knelt by her feet and rested his hands on her knees. “Katherine,” he said gently. “I know, that this has been hard for you and I want to take care of you. But,” he reached for her hands and held them. “I want you to know that I’ll take care of you. You’re safe with me. I won’t hurt you.” She inhaled and nodded. “If you want me to stop, or don’t like something…tell me.”

She wouldn’t. “Ok.”

“I mean it.” He said gently. “Don’t lie to me when we’re in bed together Katherine. Ever.” A shudder ran down her spine at those words as she looked into those green eyes of his and fell even more in love with him. “This, is a very sacred and special place for us. Be honest with me and trust that I’ll take care of you.” 

she swallows as she admits. “I-I’m not used to…saying if, something hurts.”

“You’ll talk to me.” he said lowly. “I like a challenge.”

She flushed as she croaked. “I may be, too big a challenge. If I said, that something hurt---

“They’d do it anyway.” She nodded. He exhaled. “Tell me anyway, I don’t want to hurt you.” she inhaled sharply. “I know, you’ve been married twice and…I can’t believe that, no man ever took the time to make you enjoy this. It’s so beautiful, when a woman enjoys her pleasure. The sounds she makes,” he leaned forward to kiss her. “nothing like it in the world.” She let out a moan as she caressed his face  he kept the kiss brief and gentle, while his hand held firmly onto hers. After a few moments, he broke the kiss and held her gaze. “It’s ok, to be scared.” he said gently. “Sabini, then Shelby, a part of you…is remembering that and I understand.”

“Luca---

“But I also know, that you trust me.” He tightened his grip. “You must, otherwise you wouldn’t have asked me to come to you. So, I want you to know this, if you want to me to stop, at any point, I will.”

She inhales as she says. “You’re a good man Luca, too good for someone like me.”

He shakes his head. “No, you’re perfect for me. If anything, I’m unworthy of you,” she inhales at those words. “but I’m too selfish to let you go.”

“Don’t let me go Luca,” she begs quietly. “please. Take care of me.”

“I’ll take care of you.” He exhaled. “I’ll move slow. I’ll start with your shoes and stockings. Alright?”

she nods. She looks down, watching as Luca unbuckles her shoes. Each move, is slow and methodical. Once, he removes the shoe, he massages her foot for a few seconds. He then runs his hand slowly up the length of her legs. He doesn’t push her skirt up to reveal more of her, he leaves his hands under the skirt to find the clasps underneath. After undoing them, he carefully inches her stocking down her leg. She shakes her head as he carefully folds the stocking up and places it inside her shoe. He patiently repeats the exact process with her other shoe.

She inhales as she says quietly. “You’ve thought about this, haven’t you?”

He nods. “From the first time I kissed you.” He exhaled as he placed his hands on her waist. “I thought…I had months before we got here.”

She leaned slightly into his kiss. He tasted, a little different. After a few moments, she said softly. “My God…you’re nervous too.”

“Yeah.” He nods. “Been a few years for me.”

She stared at him. “Really?” he nods. After a few moments she asked him. “Why? I-I thought men had needs to be satisfied.” She didn't want to think of Thomas right now, but, his needs were frequent. Luca, if he was telling the truth, had waited years.

“Well,” he exhaled deeply. “it was empty. I was with someone one night, she hadn’t been anything to me,” she nodded in understanding. “don’t even remember her name. But I remember, lying in bed afterwards and I realized that…it was all empty and meaningless. And, I wanted to experience it with someone who loved me as much as I loved them." She believed him. "So, I waited. Then I met you.” He kissed her on the nose. “And I love you, carina.”

“I love you too.” He nods and removes his shoes, socks, not taking as much care with them. As he unbuttoned his vest, she leaned forward and undid his tie. He watched her, his gaze intense as he removed his vests. His suspenders were on the pile next. 

She handed him his tie and he added it. “Thank you.” His belt went next, but his trousers stayed on. He studied her and said. “I’m going to remove my shirt first, ok?”

She nodded. “Yes.” As he removed his shirt, she added. “I-I bought the jelly anyway.” He exhaled. “I know, you say that you won’t need it, but I bought it in case.”

“Alright, amore.” He exhaled. “If it makes you feel better, I won’t press it. But I know for a fact,” he lifts her up to her feet and she grabbed his elbows. “that I won’t need it.”

She blushed at the confidence in his voice. “You seem…very sure of yourself.”

“Well,” he said with a smirk on his face. “they say that us Italians are some of the greatest lovers. I'm sure, you've heard of Casanova.” She shook her head, a smile on her face as he moved to stand beside her. That way, he wasn’t completely behind her and she could still see him. He exhaled as he ran his hand through her hair, removing the few pins that were in her hair. She hadn’t bobbed her hair, it was shoulder-length and she liked it, as did Luca. This ok?” he asked as he kissed her ear.

She nodded. “Yes.”

“And,” he moved down her throat, kissing there gently. “there?”

“Y-yes, Luca.” God, she was growing breathless.

“Your voice,” she inhaled sharply. “is very sweet, like a harp.” His lips moved to her collarbone “I love to hear you say my name.”

“Luca.” she moaned as Luca concentrated on her collar. “Oh,” she grabbed his shoulder. “mhm.”

“I figured,” he mumbled against her skin. “there are spots…that they missed. I’ll find them.”

His lips traveled up over her throat, finding the pulse point and she let out a cry as he kissed and sucked there. God! She hadn’t had this! This wasn’t possible! It shouldn’t have been! She threw her head back, crying out softly as Luca’s hands removed her blouse from the waistband of her skirt. Her heart rate sped up even more. She was going to drown, her head was spinning.

“Which one, can I remove first?” He asked hoarsely. “Your skirt or blouse?”

“B-blouse.” He was already there, so, why not?

“If you don’t want it,” he reminded her. “tell me.”

She nods. “I-I want it, Luca.”

She did, she wanted him. Luca kept kissing her while his hands searched for the buttons. She draped her arms around his neck, holding onto him as he continued to drown her in his attention. She was whimpering when he finally eased her blouse off over her shoulders. Her hands dropped from his neck as he guided her blouse off her arms and it too joined the pile of clothing. His hands stayed on her waist. He studied her and she wondered what he must think of her. She’d asked him. She was shaking, partly with fear, partly with need and wondered if he’d thought of her as a little whore. 

He kissed her, vanishing those negative thoughts and she sighed against his lips after a few more kisses, he asked her gently. “May I remove the skirt?” she nodded. “Carina, may I?”

He wanted to hear her. He wasn’t taking her head nods or shakes for granted. “Yes, amore.”

He kissed her neck, causing her to gasp before removing her skirt. She flushed, there was only a thin piece of fabric separating them. He exhaled raggedly before letting her know. “I’m getting out of my trousers.”

“O-ok.”

He glanced at her. “You alright?”

She nodded. “Yes, just…a little scared, that…I won’t be good enough for you.”

“Carina,” he stopped removing his trousers and caressed her face. “it’s ok. It doesn’t have to be perfect the first time.”

“But, I-I want to please you.”

“You chose me.” He said quietly. “I am more than pleased. You could have your pick of any man that you wanted. You chose me. You trust me. That, is more important than anything that will happen in this bed between us. I told you before, I wanted your heart first. I have it. Anything else you give me, is a gift.”

She inhaled, part of the fear leaving now that he had removed some of the pressure from her shoulders. “You…are such a very, good man, Luca Changretta.”

“I try to be.” He said as he kissed her neck. “I try, for you.”

She let out a sigh as her heart pounded through out her body. She closed her eyes, swaying lightly in Luca’s arms as he kept kissing. After a few minutes, she gasped out. “We’re…going to be here…all night.”

“No rush,” he said as he gently massaged her breast in his hand .’ I have all night with you. And hopefully…many more nights after this.”

“Oh.” Her whole body trembled as he ran his other hand up and down her back, moving carefully down to her hips. She hesitated before saying. “I-I don’t like to be face down.”

“I don't like it like that either. I want to see your face carina when I make love to you.” She inhaled sharply as he squeezed her hip in his hand. He paused and studied her. “That alright?”

“Yes, that,” she stuttered. “you’ve a very…gentle and patient touch. It’s just… new.”

“Alright.” His other hand traveled downwards to grip her other hip. She inhaled and closed her eyes as he kept kissing her forehead and cheeks. After a few moments of gentle massaging and cupping, he said. “Put your legs around my waist, carina.”

“Hmm?” Luca wrapped one arm around her waist and the other under her hips. She flushed as he lifted her up from the ground. She nodded and put her legs around his waist. She could feel him against her entrance and she had a feeling that he was going to be a similar size to Thomas. 

Luca kissed her, distracting her as he pulled the covers back from the bed with one hand. Her heart started pounding in her chest he got into the middle of the bed, her legs still tight around his slim waist. He was strong, even if he wasn’t overly muscular. He broke the kiss as he laid her down on the sheets. His intense green eyes were studying her face for any signs of discomfort.

He exhaled and then laid down on top of her. Kate’s heart rate sped up as he pressed a kiss to her chest before finding her hand with his. She inhaled rapidly and he shushed her gently. “Calm, carina. I’m just going to stay here a minute, alright?”

She nodded. “Y-yes, Luca.” 

He laid his head down, his ear close to her heart as his other hand encircled her waist. He exhaled and closed his eyes, relaxing his shoulders, waiting till she found her calm. She found it relatively soon. God, she didn’t know how he had the patience or will power for this, but, she was so very glad he did. She knew what he was doing, he was letting her get used to him being this close to her. After a few moments, she ran her hand through his hair. He didn’t move. Her hands traveled, of their own will power, quietly getting acquainted with his neck, shoulders back and waist while he patiently held onto her, his breathing soft and even. 

For the first time, she understood why everyone said sex and making love were different from each other. True, Luca wasn’t even inside her yet, but she could feel the love and she hoped that when it came time for him to actually make love to her, that it was just as beautiful as this moment.

---

Chapter 92: Art of making love

After a few minutes, Luca began kissing the skin that was exposed on her chest. She hadn’t picked anything fancy, it was a simple, linen slip, but she liked it. Luca began kissing his way down to her stomach. She sat up on her elbows, curiously watching as Luca drew her slip up just high enough to reveal her shorts. He looked at her, silently asking for permission.

She nodded. “Yes.”

He didn’t remove them right away. He touched her there, stimulating her through the fabric, causing her heart to slowly race in her chest. She bit her lip, but a moan escaped her mouth as he kept touching her there. She felt herself slowly grow warm and damp in response to his touch. After a few moments he said. “Is it alright to remove these?”

She nodded hard. “Yes, Luca.”

He exhaled and carefully dragged her shorts down her legs. She blushed as he turned back towards her, his face dangerously close to that spot between her legs. He had a mischievous look in his eyes as he turned his head to the side and brought her leg up slightly upwards. She stared at him as he pressed an open mouth kiss to the back of her knee. He heart was pounding so hard in her chest that it was a wonder that he couldn’t hear her. She inhaled deeply as he and his lips traveled up her leg towards her inner thigh. Kate felt an fire in her build and grow as his mouth moved dangerously close to her warm center. 

He looked at her and said softly. “Close your eyes for a minute, carina. Trust me.” 

She nodded and did so. Luca placed his left hand on her chest, just below her heaving breasts. She instantly grabbed ahold of his hand, holding his hand tightly. She trusted him, but, not seeing what was happening wasn’t easy for her. She closed her eyes and drew in a breath.

That was the moment she felt his tongue inside her!

Kate’s eyes flew open as she cried out. “Ohh!” she grabbed ahold of his hand tightly while her other hand gripped the sheets. He didn’t stop. He turned his hand over slightly so he was no longer between her breasts, he was holding her hand properly. This, oh dear God, it had to be a sin! This was wrong! She wasn’t supposed to feel this! She wasn’t allowed to feel this much pleasure! She was surely going to explode! She couldn’t hold the cries back. “Oh! Oh God!” 

Luca let out a groan and Kate made the mistake of looking down there. The heat, the attentiveness, the love in his eyes, she wasn’t prepared for it and he instantly overwhelmed her body. She laid back and closed her eyes, struggling to hold back sobs as Luca began to drink her in. He pressed lightly down on her, just above her entrance to keep her in place. She eventually gave up being quiet and let her cries and sobs of pleasure fill the air. Luca kept her open and he continued to drink her in. He was unrelenting and he used his tongue, his fingers, even his teeth. She was wailing, gasping, mentally on the verge of passing out when Luca finally brought her to climax. She’d come many times with Thomas, but never, never like this. Never to the point of where her body could explode and she’d just die from the sheer pleasure of it.

She lay there, gasping, tears trickling down her cheeks as he began kissing his way up her stomach, he slowed down, paying extra attention to her belly button. She moaned his name weakly. “Luca.”

His face appeared before hers, God, she didn’t deserve him. She didn’t know how the hell she had gotten him, but she had him and she wanted him. “Are you alright?” She nodded. “Are you sure? I can stop.”

She shook her head as she gasped out. “Don’t, do not stop.”

“Are you sure?”

“I want you,” she gasped. “God, I want you Luca. I want you.”

“I want you too, il mio bellissimo amante.” She made a note to ask him what amante meant later. He slipped a finger inside her and she cried out at the sound his finger made when it entered. He let out a groan. “You’re dripping for me.” She flushed red at the look in his eyes and the passion in his voice. “I need to be in you, Katherina.” 

That caught her by surprise. “Katherina?” the Italians had always had a way of making something sound even more personal and intimate. She hadn’t expected her name to be one of the things that Luca could make even more personal.

he paused before asking. “You don’t like that?”

she smiled at him. “I like it. I like, a lot of things, Luca.” He removed his shirt, flinging it across the room. He had only the two tattoos on his hand and then one on his neck. God, he was so very handsome. He slipped another finger inside her, causing her to grab ahold of his wrist. 

He instantly paused. “You alright? Do I need to stop?”

“No, I-I,” she swallowed. “I wanted to touch you.”

He nods. “Alright.” Her fingers traced his wrist, feeling his veins under his wrist flex underneath her touch. He frowned slightly and she realized that he was feeling the scar tissue inside her. She swallowed before confessing softly, not wanting to put a damper on the mood. “Sabini would put soda bottles, inside me.” he shook his head. “I’ve had stitches and scars from, the caps scraping inside me.”

He studied her before asking. “Does it hurt, when I touch you like this?”

She shakes her head. “No. It feels,” he thrust a little deeper, causing her to gasp and throw her head back slightly. “amazing.” He latched onto her neck, kissing and sucking as he moved to that spot behind her ear that always drove her mad. “Oh! Oh, Luca!”

“Amore. Katherina.” A few more heady moments of kissing and Kate felt as if she were getting ready to chase another orgasm from him. He exhaled roughly and asked. “Katherina, are you ready?”

she nodded at him. “Yes. Yes, Luca.”

She was. This time, she really was ready. Luca removed his shorts and Kate kept her eyes on his face, not down below. She’d made that mistake with Thomas, she wasn’t making it with Luca. He exhaled as he settled between her legs. “I’m going to move slowly, amore.” She’d heard that before. God, she hoped that he meant it. 

She kept her eyes on his face and when he looked back at her, she asked. “Not too fast, please.”

“I’ll move slow,” he promised. “I can.” She inhaled, nodding at him as he lined himself up at the entrance. She held her breath, waiting as he finally entered her. When there was no pain, she exhaled in relief. Oh, he was right, he didn’t need the jelly after all. She was wet enough to accept him. “Are you alright, Katherina?” he asked. “Am I hurting you?”

she shook her head. “No, you’re not.” She cupped his face in her hands. “You could never hurt me Luca. Ever.”

He kissed her as he continued slipping slowly inside her. He wasn’t as thick as Thomas which was relief, but he was longer than so he hit that spot in her much sooner. She let out a gasp of pleasure and he looked at her. She smiled at him, a light laugh leaving her lips. “You alright, Cuore mio? Do you need a moment?”

“I-I’m alright Luca.”

“You sure?”

she nodded. “Yes.” She kissed his cheek as she caressed his cross tattoo with one hand, while running her hand up and down his back, her nails caressing his skin. “I am.”

He exhaled. “Still, I’ll give you a moment.”

“How,” she asked. “are you not dying right now?”

“Don’t ask, amore.” He said as he ran his hand down to the hem of her slip. “Don’t ask.”

When he started to draw her slip up, she panicked and grabbed his hand. “Don’t. Please.”

He instantly stopped. “What is it?”

“I-I don’t want you to see me.”

He blinked in confusion. “What?”

She flushed as she stammered. “I don’t…want you to see me.”

He stared at her for a good minute. “I-I won’t remove it Katherina, but…why?” her heart nearly broke at the confusion in his voice. “Why can’t I see you?” 

“Because,” she inhaled as she confessed. “I-I don’t…I don’t look so pretty underneath this.”

He shook his head as he caressed her face. “Cuore mio.”

“I-I have…burns, scars---

“You have always looked beautiful to me.” He inhales. “I thought, you were the most beautiful woman from the first moment I saw you in the garden.”

She shook her head. “Luca---

“And when I saw your back, I still thought you were beautiful.” he shook his head. “I knew…you had to be the strongest woman, that I’d ever met in my f**king life because you were still standing. You let me in your bed and God knows you’re the f**king sweetest woman that I ever tasted in my f**king life. And I know, you’re going to be the most beautiful woman that I’ll ever have for the rest of my f**king days.” Tears trickled down her cheeks at his words. “You’re beautiful, my Katherina. But, I’ll wait, until you’re ready to share yourself with me fully.”

She stared at him as he lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her. She wrapped an arm around his back. His words, he couldn’t know just how much they meant to her. He began moving inside her, slowly at first, then moving a little faster as she responded to him. All the while, his words echoed in her head. Swallowing the last of her nerves, she grabbed the hem of her slip in her hands and pulled it up and over her head.

Luca slowed inside her, but never broke the rhythm. Kate inhaled, her heart thudding violently as Luca surveyed her. She had scars on her chest from knives and cigarette burns. Please accept me. She silently begged him. Please, still love me.

Luca’s green eyes ran all over her body, there was no anger or anything. That heat, that love, that warmth, that desire…it was all still there. He leaned forward and kissed her breast, taking her nipple in his mouth causing her to cry out. Tears of disbelief trickled down her face as he began to kiss every single inch of her. “God, you’re beautiful.”

“L-Luca---

“Il mio bellissimo amore.” 

My beautiful love. 

She was his love and he was hers. Somehow, after so many years of pain, she’d finally found happiness. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. Luca groaned as he ran his hand down her arm to her waist. She wrapped her legs around his hips, silently asking him to go deeper, to claim her and to fill her. He obliged. Somehow, she wasn’t quite sure how, but they were able to come together in sync. 

Kate was crying, but they were happy tears as she held onto Luca. He exhaled deeply, panting against her skin as she cried. “Oh…cuore mio.” He kissed her neck, comforting her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

“I-I’m happy.” She assured him. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to cry.” He kissed her. She shook her head as she confessed. “I-I’ve never had a man…care more about me than himself. You’re so good to me, I can’t believe…I don’t deserve this.” he shakes his head. “I don’t deserve you.”

“No. you deserve this.” He ran his hand through her hair. “You deserve to feel this every f**king day.”

"I don't think...I can take this every night." She shook her head as she asked. “What does, Cuore mio mean?”

He exhaled. “My heart.”

She let out a soft sound. “Oh, Luca. That was…beautiful. I’ve never, ever, felt like that before.”

“You are beautiful.” He said gently. “So, beautiful.”

She inhaled. “God, I haven’t believed that in years, but, when you say it, I believe it.”

“I love you, Katherina.”  He said, giving her no cause to doubt him. “I love you so much that I could die from it.”

Tears filled her eyes again as she declared. “I love you too, Luca. I always will.”

He shook his head as he kissed her. She moaned as he rolled onto his back, pulling her with her. She was finally loved and she was going to love this man back with as much of her as she could. And she would always be loved and treasured by him, she could feel it with every fiber of her being. He was the love of her life, no man ever could or would ever be able to come close to him.

Chapter 93: Afterthoughts

Oh, if he died like this, he would die a happy man. Katherine rested her head against his chest, letting out a soft little sounds as he ran his hand up and down her back. Her skin was pink, warm and sweating under his hand. Who was he kidding? She was absolutely glowing. Katherine, she was so beautiful. He wasn’t sure how any man could ever raise a hand to hurt her. She was so, so precious and beautiful. He couldn’t believe it. She was…absolutely amazing despite her insecurities. Oh, every f**king thing about her was perfect. She fit him like a f**king glove and he didn’t have a chance. She looked up at him, her green eyes shown as he pressed kisses to her knuckles. 

He kissed her again and she melted against him. “Luca.”

He couldn’t stop kissing her. God, she was so f**king sweet. She tasted sweet, she was sweet and he wanted her as his wife. Oh, he could just see her full and round with his child. Katherine, she’d be such a wonderful mother. He ran his hand down her stomach, causing her to start breathing heavily. Oh, there was too much love in his heart for her. He slipped his fingers inside her warmth, her pulsating wetness causing her to unconsciously tighten around his fingers.

“Oh!” she looked at him, her eyes wide. He smiled assuringly down at her. She let out a laugh. “I need,” she inhaled. “a moment, Luca.”

“Alright, carina.” 

He kissed her and withdrew his fingers from her warmth. He carefully drew the sheets around her body. She moaned and her head limply dropped forward into the crook of his arm. He kissed her forehead, breathing in her rich scent. This woman was his. His! He didn’t know what the f**k he did to deserve her, but he had her. He lay down and relaxed, watching her in this moment, was the greatest pleasure that he could ever witness. She’d never had this before, after two bad marriages, it had taken him to get her to this point. Yes, there were times where he’d felt like he was going to die, but….to see her like this. Overwhelmed, glowing and satisfied…it was a great honor.

She looked at him and asked shyly. “What?”

“Nothing amore,” he assured her as he stroked her back. “you just look so beautiful.” She shook her head. “I know, you don’t believe me, but, you are. I love you, so much.”

She nods as she whispers. “I believe you, Luca…I just, can’t believe it’s true.” He chuckled as he shook his head. She’d believe it. By the time he got a baby into her, she’d believe it. She deserved so much and everything that she wanted was so little. She didn’t want money or anything like that. She wanted to be loved; that was all she’d ever wanted and it hurt him that love had been denied to her for so long. She bites her lip before whispering. “I hope, I pleased you.” Oh, he wanted to kill Sabini again, but he’d have to settle for killing Shelby. “I know than I feel different than other women---

“I don’t want another woman, I want you.” He assured her. “You are, everything I want. You are perfect for me, il mio bellissimo amante.”

“What does that mean?” She asked. “Amante?”

“Lover.” He repeated the words that he’d spoken to her early on in their lovemaking. “My beautiful lover.”

“Oh.” She exhaled deeply as she wrapped her arm around his waist.

He ran his knuckles down her neck. He debated and then said. “You don’t have to answer, but…I’d like to know, was there ever a time, when it was close to anything like that for you?” She shook her head. “Not even with Shelby?”

“No. It’s only been like that, with you.” She shifted a little bit before adding. “He’s never seen me naked.”

He nearly had a heart attack. He stared down at her in surprise. “Did he…really not see, how beautiful you are?”

“No, it’s not that.” She exhaled. “I just, didn’t want him to see me. Even when I thought I was in love with him….I didn’t feel loved enough to share that much of myself with him.”

“But, you did with me?”

She flushed as she nodded. “I did.” She was quiet for a minute. “It’s never, been like that before.”

“Like what?”

“Mutual.” She said softly. “Like…you wanted to be with me, as much as I wanted to be with you.”

“And I want you.” He assured her. “I want you so much it’s probably illegal or something to want you this much.” She laughed lightly as he leaned down to claim her swollen lips again. She sighed. After a few minutes, he asked. “We’ll have to talk about kids, Katherine.” She shook her head. “We have to amore, if we keep up like this, you could end up pregnant. Not that I mind, but, we need to be a bit more careful” Suddenly, she covered her mouth as she started crying. “Amore?” ok, what did he do? With her, it could be anything. She could be genuinely happy or upset. He hoped that he hadn’t upset her. “Katherina, did I say something wrong? Do you not want children?”

“I do, but,” she inhaled. “I-I don’t think I can, Luca. George,” she shook her head as tears kept pouring down her cheeks. He wiped at them, trying to stop them from flowing down her cheeks. “he did, lots of…things to me. He had others do things to me---

“Katherina,” he assured her. “you don’t have to tell me if it's that bad, not till you're ready.”

“You need, to know.” She said. “I’ve been…avoiding it for weeks.” He’d noticed. She’d always changed the subject when he or his mother brought up children. “He shoved a soda bottle into me and wouldn’t stop until I was raw and bleeding.” Oh God, every time when he thought he’d heard the last of her torture, she always revealed more stories. He tightened his hold on her, trying to give her as much support and comfort that he could. “I needed stitches and…I don’t know, what damage he did. Polly did, get a doctor but…I think she paid him off. Thomas tried and he couldn’t---

“It’s alright, it’s alright.” he said gently. “Shh,”

“It’s not.” She cried into his chest. “I want children, I want yours, but…I can’t give them to you.”

He exhaled deeply and held onto her. That was a lot that she had confessed to him. Some of it, was a little upsetting. He wanted to be a father and get out of this business. He saw himself somewhere in the region of Tuscany, growing grapes and starting a Changretta wine label. It wouldn’t be much, but he always saw himself settling down with a wife and kids. If he married her, he might never have kids. He knew, his father would tell him to find another woman, especially since Angel wasn’t alive to help carry on the family name. But on the other hand, his father had loved his mother, very deeply and Luca loved Katherine as much as his father loved his mother.

He reflected on her words as her tears subsided. After a few minutes, he exhaled and looked down at her. He could see that she was begging him not to desert her, but she really didn’t have to worry about that. He could never leave her, not after what they’d just shared together. He could never love another woman. She was the one he’d been waiting for, so, he was going to marry her. So, the Changretta name ended with him. It would at least end because of love, rather than enter a marriage with someone he hated who could provide children.

He exhaled and then asked the first thing he’d thought of. “You said, that you think that Polly paid him off. It was a male doctor?” she nodded. “How long, was this after you killed George?”

“The next day.”

He nodded. He knew that Kate had been raped the night before. So she had been forcibly examined by a man, the next day. She’d spoken of zoning out, so, he suspected that she had zoned out during this time to protect herself. He exhaled deeply. She probably didn’t even hear what the doctor said she was so upset.

“Ok, amore. I’ll call Rossi see if she can recommend a female specialist for you. I'll also see if she can accompany you as well, so you're not alone in there.” She stared at him. “That way, you can find out if you can or cannot have children. But,” he shakes his head. “if you can’t,” she watches him, holding her breath as he says honestly. “it’s alright.”

She stared at him. “W-what?”

“I want kids, I’ll admit it, but,” he runs his hand down her back. “I want you more. I want to build a life with you.”

“But, you’re Italian.” She stammered in confusion. “Don’t you all want a big family?”

He nods in agreement. “Yes, I’d like a big family but,” she dropped her gaze and he tilted her chin upwards, gently making her look at him. “only with you.”

She stared at him. “What?”

“No one, has ever filled my heart and life the way you have. I know, no one will ever take your place.”

“And,” she inhaled as she asked. “you’re sure that in a few years you, won’t… look for someone else---

“No.” He immediately starts shaking his head. “No, I won’t.”

“What if I can’t give you a son to carry on your family name?”

“I am not Shelby.” He said firmly. “I want one woman in my life and I know that woman is you.”

She inhaled sharply. “Are we…going to tell your mother?”

He exhaled and shook his head. “No.”

“But you said---

“This, is our bed.” He said. “What happens in here, is between us, not her. We either have kids or we don’t. If she asks, you can say we’re trying, but…anything else is our business. Not hers.”

She studied him before asking. “Are you sure? Are you really sure you can live with that?”

He nodded before telling her. “My father, loved my mother. I’m sure, he’d understand why I went with my heart.” She didn’t look convinced, so he added. “Who could compare to you, carina? I don’t want another. You, are the only goddess in my life there is room, in my heart for. I love only you.”

Her face heats. “God, you say things so nicely.”

He smirks at her. “I do?”

She nods as she snuggles closer to him. “Yeah, you do.” 

He exhaled as he ran his hand through her hair. “Besides, there’s plenty of babies that could use a home.” She let out a happy exhaled. “We can always adopt amore, give them the family name.”

She burrowed so close to him that they might as well be wearing the same skin. He exhaled and kissed her again. Words could not describe just how much he loved this woman. The clock in her room chimed, signaling that it was late. He exhaled reluctantly. It was 11:00, or nearly, she had the clock in her room set 15 minutes ahead so she was always on time. He exhaled and kissed her forehead. He needed to go, but he didn’t want to go. As if sensing his thoughts, she said. “Stay.” He looked down at her as she asked softly. “Will you stay with me?”

He smiled and nodded at her. “Just let me tell my driver to come pick me up here I have business in the morning.”

She smiled. “Alright.” She watched him as he got into his shorts and trousers. He didn’t bother with his socks he just pulled on his shoes. As he grabbed his coat, she looked at him and said. “And Luca?” he looked down at her as she stammered. “I-I wouldn’t mind, doing that again with you.”

He smiled at her. “I’ll be back for you amore.” After this, his days and nights wouldn’t be so lonely anymore. He had her. She was going to change his life in so many ways and now, it was time to start preparing for those life changes. Time to start preparing a good life for her to live in. Time to start closing down and getting out of this business once and for all.

Chapter 94: News of the future

One week later,

---

Kate exhaled as she and Doctor Rossi stepped out of the office of specialist Esther Burns. “See?” Rossi said with a smile. “It was all good news after all.”

It hadn’t been as terrible as she initially thought it would be. Doctor Esther Burns did a thorough exam, she was much more patient and answered all of Kate’s questions and concerns. Yes, there had been some damage done, but Polly’s doctor had repaired it. Getting pregnant, would be possible, but certain things had to be done, certain positions and God, she was not looking forward to talking to Luca about this. Not that she didn’t enjoy making love with him, he was a very good lover and she looked forward to being with him whenever possible. He was always, always so gentle and loving with her. Even though he was gentle, that didn’t mean that there was a lack of passion. Oh, Luca Changretta was a VERY passionate man and while sex with Thomas had been ‘fun’ it wasn’t as beautiful or fulfilling as it had been with Luca. 

“Ah,” Rossi said, distracting her out of her thoughts. “there he is! Changretta!”

Kate looked up and sure enough, there was Luca, getting out of a car from across the street! She let out a laugh as he checked both streets before dashing across towards her. “Luca!” she was completely amazed that he turned up, especially with the vendetta going on. “W-what are you doing here?”

“Rossi gave me the address.” He said with a smirk on his face. He looked especially handsome in his grey-blue suit. She liked that about Luca, he had no problem wearing lighter colors. “I called ahead to see if you were still here, so I could pick you up.”

“Really?” he nodded. “You, you came here to be with me?”

“Business was done amore.” He wrapped his arms around her waist. “So, I’m yours for the rest of the day.”

“God, you’re sickening.” Rossi said from behind them. “Both of you.”

“What business?” She asked, ignoring Rossi’s complaints. “Or, do I not want to know?”

“Well, if you must know, Katherina,” she loved it when he called her ‘Katherina’ over Katherine. “I am making plans for our future.”

She blinked at him in surprise. “Our future? You’re making plans.”

“Yes. I intend…to start making a life with you when this is over. So, I’ve started looking over properties, making investments, closing down the more illegal dealings, selling the legitimate ones, putting the money in all the correct places.” Her mouth dropped open in shock. He paused. “I guess, I should have talked to you first about all this.”

“You’re getting out of the life?” She asked. “For me?” he nodded. She stared at him. “But, I-I never asked you to do that!”

“I know, but, this life,” he exhales. “it’s cutting into our life and I don’t want that. It’ll take a few more months to get everything in order, but we can live a simple enough life. Somewhere in I think in Tuscany, if you’d like.”

“Tuscany Italy?” she stared at him, joy building up in her. “You want to move to Italy?”

“Only if you want.” He groaned and rubbed his brow. “I’m sorry, I focused on it too much and forgot that we have to talk about---

“Luca!” She placed a finger on his mouth. “I’d love to move to Italy.”

He stared at her. “Really?”

She nods. “Italy sounds nice. I’ve always wanted to travel; Italy was one of many places I wanted to see. More so now that I’m in a relationship with you.”

He exhaled as he took her hand. “I promise, every year, I’ll take you away to some country for a month, on every anniversary.”
“But,” she licked her lips and asked. “what about the children, Luca?” he went still at those words. “We couldn’t just leave them behind for a month.”

“Mama’ll be there, but,” he inhaled and asked cautiously. “can we, have children, amore?”

She nods. “Yes.” He smiled broadly, causing her to laugh. “Yes!” he wrapped her in a tight hug. “It’ll be hard work----

“Pleasure,” he said. “not work.”

“But, it will be possible.”

“Yes,” Rossi said as she stepped forward and handed Luca a bunch of notes. “study these. They’ll be important. I can’t stand anymore of this.”

“Doctor Rossi!”

“What?” She says. “It’s not violating your privacy. Just things that he can do to help. After all, he wants to be a father as well,” she slaps the notes in Luca’s hand. “so, he needs to do his part. They’re in Italian, so, at least she won’t read them and get embarrassed.”

Kate blushed and covered her face in her hands. Luca chuckled. “Alright, come on amore, let’s go.” He extended his hand. “Doctor Rossi, thank you for accompanying her.”

“No problem.” She said. “What are old friends for, Luca? Good to have you back.”

He nods. “Thank you.” With that, he took her hand and led her back to the car. Calogero, Mateo and the third man, the driver. Rafe, that was his name. She shook her head as Luca opened the back door and helped her inside. “Mateo,” he ordered. “on the floor.” They were in the Rolls Royce, which only seated two in the backseat. Children, pretty much sat on the floor, but, Luca didn’t care about that detail. 

Mateo glowered as Kate sat on the seat in the back next to Luca. Mateo could have set next to them, but not without it being a little bit crowded and Luca wanted her to have space. He then gave orders to head on back to his hotel. They took the scenic route and Luca, started reading the pages of notes that Rossi had handed him. His brows rose several times and he glanced, at her, causing her face to heat.

“What?” she rubbed her neck. “Is it very terrible?”

“No, I think you’ll enjoy it, but, uhm,” he shook his head as he chuckled. “Rossi is VERY descriptive.”

“Oh, good God.” He chuckled and turned back to his papers. She cleared her throat before asking. “How do you know each other?”

“Ah, we went to school together. No romance or anything,” he glanced at her. “if that’s what you’re wondering.”

She bit her lip. “Maybe in the back of my mind I wondered, but I really was just curious.”

He chuckled and reached for her hand. “It’s alright. Ask me whatever you want. I know your past, ask me about mine."

She exhales as she scoots a little closer to him. “I’ll ask in private.”

“Thank you.” With that, he turned back to his papers. He shakes his head and mutters in Italian. 

“Sorry,” she says. “to be so much trouble.”

“No trouble, carina.” He assures her. “Just…need to figure out how to make you comfortable.” He adds in a lower voice. “Some of these…you won’t like at all.”

“Hmm,” she yawns. “you’ll help me through it.”

“Tired, amore?”

“A little.” She confessed. “Just the stress.”

“Ah, rest. We’ll be there in a bit.”

“Alright.” Luca grabbed his black coat and draped it around her, discretely covering her legs from Mateo’s gaze. “Thank you.”
She’d been nearly on the verge of falling asleep when the car braked to a stop. She stirred and sat up as Luca questioned Rafe about what was going on. “It’s alright,” he assured her. “just rest.”

She went and put her head back down on his shoulder. There was a wagon down in the road ahead. An officer waked up and Kate watched him as he sauntered up to the window. “There's been an accident.”

Luca exhaled impatiently. “Why don't you move it out of the way?”

“What?” the officer sounded genuinely surprised that he’d been asked to do such a thing. 

“I said,” she could hear Luca fighting the urge to tell this man that he was an idiot. “why don't you clear it so that we can get past?”

“What's that accent?” the officer asked suspiciously.

Kate sat up, bristling as Luca explained. “We're Americans.”

“And her?” he asked, giving her a look. "What's your business with these men?"

“I’m his fiancée.” She stated the officer’s brows rose in clear surprise that she, an English girl was with an American. 

Luca gripped her hand. “We're here on business, so---

“Well, you're going to have to wait.” The disgust was apparent in that man’s voice. 

“Jesus Christ,” Luca muttered under his breath. “this guy.”

“We waited for you f**king Yanks until 1918.” She groaned. Oh, this officer was going to drag it out. “It'll be clear in 20 minutes, all right?”

“Yeah, all right.” He said with sarcastic disinterest. “Thank you, Officer.” He waved at him before adding under his breath. “Thank f**king hell.” Mateo asked a question in Italian, to which Luca responded in English. Talking about the war. Everything here is about the war.”

She exhaled. “It left its scars on so many people, people hold onto things to deeply.”

He nods. “You’d know. You got stuck with one of them.” She nodded at him. She closed her eyes and rested on his shoulder. Luca, however, was patient for all things, except for waiting on things like this. They made him a little anxious, so after five minutes, he’d had enough. “Right, come on, let's go move it ourselves.” She chuckled at the impatience in his voice. “F**king idiots.”

“Amore.” Luca was trying to work on his language, but it was a little bit of a struggle for him. She didn't mind the swearing when he wanted to drive a point across, but swearing because he was annoyed wasn't a good enough reason.

“I know, I’m sorry.” He kissed her forehead. “We’ll be back in a minute.”

She nodded and sat up, readjusting herself into a comfortable position. Mateo and Calogero followed Luca out of the car. She yawned, closing her eyes for a millisecond. 

But that millisecond was enough for her to open her eyes and find two strange men in the car. Before she could even scream, one of them held a blade to her throat and covered her mouth while the other one slashed Rafe’s throat!”

“What do we do with her?” The one, a younger man hissed.

“Shelby said they inflicted no casualties.” She let out a garbled cry against the hand pressed to her mouth. He tightened his grip on the knife around her throat. “Let’s get her out of here, if this here is his wife, he’ll be very glad to see her again.”
That was when she realized that they’d accidentally driven into an ambush.

Chapter 95: On her knees

The younger man, tightened his grip around her mouth as the older man opened the door. “Come on. Don’t make a sound.” She decided to move, Luca, Calogero and Mateo weren’t too far away. They’d realize that she was missing nearly immediately.
The older man nodded at her, “That’s right.” He kept his voice low. “Move it.” She let out a garbled sound, placing her hand on her stomach, like a mother protecting her unborn child. She of course, wasn’t pregnant, but he couldn’t tell because of Luca’s coat swimming around her. The man looked at her hand and then the younger guy. “Careful, she’s pregnant.”

She wasn’t, but that caused the young man to move his knife away from her throat, which is all that she needed. She drew her elbow back and slammed it in the man’s stomach. He let out a groan and doubled over. The older man reached for her, but she had enough time to scream at the top of her lungs. “LUCA!”

Hell broke lose!

Luca spun around and pulled his gun. Both men swore at her and they jumped over the bridge for cover. Kate raced towards the car, keeping her head low as the bullets started flying. Luca headed towards her and she yanked the back door open. She dove into the backseat as the officer ducked down. 

“You alright?” He shouted at her.

“Yes!” She shouted back.

“Stay down!” 

She didn’t need to be told twice as Calogero and Mateo grabbed their guns. Mateo jumped into the back and grabbed the gun under the seat. Calogero was getting into the front seat when he was shot in the back and went down! She screamed as the window above her head shattered! She covered her head as Luca was shouted for her to stay down. She turned on her side and looked upwards, watching he moved Rafe’s body over so he could back the car out. The moment the car started moving, she started to breathe just a little slower. God, she hated this!! Luca was muttering angrily in Italian as he backed the car down the road. When he finally spun the car around and took off, she began to breathe easier.

“Amore!” He said. “Are you alright?”

“Yes,” she inhaled. “I-I am.”

She sat up and let out a sharp cry as some glass cut the palm of her hands. “Amore!?”

“It’s the glass.” She stated. “I’m sorry, I got up----

“Be careful!” He said. “I’ll keep driving until we’re far enough away.”

“Are you hurt?” she asked him. “Are you alright, Luca?”

“Yes.” He nodded at her. “Mateo?”

“I’m fine.”

Kate sat up, gripping the back of the chair before carefully sweeping off the glass. She inhaled deeply, waiting for the car to stop once they were out of danger. 10 minutes later, they were on the opposite end of the woods. Luca parked the car and jumped out of the front seat. She opened the car door and Luca pulled her out, carefully surveying her. “You alright?”

“Yes!”

“You sure!”

“Yes, I’m sure, Luca!” he exhaled and held onto her. She moaned, careful not to get and blood or glass on his coat. She exhaled. “Are you alright? Were you hurt?”

“No, amore.” He ran his hand through her hair. “I’m sure.” He exhaled and kissed her deeply, causing her to moan. She returned the kiss as best as she could without touching him. After a few moments, he broke the kiss. He looked at her and his eyes narrowed. “You’re bleeding.”

“Just a little. There’s some glass.”

Luca snapped at Mateo. “You clean the f**king car! Clean up Rafe!” he looked around. “Let’s see if there’s a stream of something nearby to clean your hands.” He turned to Mateo. "You, stay with the car."

“Ok.”

Luca held tightly onto her and they walked straight ahead. Fortunately for them, there was a stream 10 minutes away. Luca kept a protective arm around her waist while she washed her hands in the water. After a few minutes, she turned towards him and let him see that her hands were alright now that all the glass was gone.

“There we go.” He nodded, his jaw tightening in anger as he dried her hands. He was worried and she could feel it. She gripped his hands and whispered. “I’m alright. Honest.”

Luca gripped her hands carefully and growled out. “I’m sick of him and others putting their f**king hands on you.”

She was too. Yes, she was Thomas’s wife currently, but the marriage was over. He’d agreed to an annulment and he knew that she was with Luca. She was his. She inhaled deeply, leaning forward to kiss him as she encouraged him. “Then you put your hands on me.” He inhaled rapidly as she requested. “Put your hands on me Luca Changretta”

he exhaled roughly, he knew what she was asking. “Not here.” But he wanted her, she could see it in his eyes. 

“Luca, I want you so much that I wouldn’t care if you f**ked me in front of Mateo.”. 

His eyes flashed. “I would never do that to you.” He cupped her face in his hands. “You belong to my eyes only.”

“Then put your hands on me.” She begged him, want and need building up inside her. “Make me yours Luca.” 

He inhaled and removed his hat, setting it on the side. “Alright.” She leaned forward and kissed him, causing him to groan. “Amore, which way do you want it? I don’t want to get your dress dirty. But if you’re on your knees---

“I don’t care about my dress!” she half-shouted  at him, startling him. God, how could something so sweet, be so irritating at the same time in her minute of pure need?? “Please, Luca!”

“Alright, amore.” He exhaled and got her on her knees. She let out a faint whimper as she felt him against her. “Amore---

“Yes, I want you, Luca. I want you.”

He undid his trousers and she hastily pulled her shorts down to her knees. Luca flipped her dress upwards and angled her into position. He slipped a finger between her legs, checking to see if she was wet enough to take him. She was, she always was for him. He always checked regardless. Luca thrust deeply into her, causing her to let out a cry as he groaned in satisfaction. “Amore?”

“Luca.” She turned her head slightly towards him as he wrapped his arms around her. “Don’t stop.”

He kissed her behind her ear, causing her to groan. He adjusted her hips before settling into a deep and delicious rhythm. She let out a sharp cry as Luca managed to take her deeply, yet gently. God, he was hitting her cervix so deeply and each move rocked her body forward. But he held onto her, he kept her locked in position so she was lovingly trapped under him. This, she didn’t mind. She’d always hated this position, but this was Luca. As always, he made something that was initially unpleasant, beyond erotic. . Kate moaned as he breathed hotly against her neck. He was speaking in Italian, his voice passionate and intense. She couldn’t understand all of it, but she understood ‘bambini’ and ‘bambino’ clear enough. Oh, good God, he wanted to get her pregnant! She arched her hips back deeper into him, whimpering softly as he drove her out of her mind.

“Amore mio.” He said softly. “Vieni per me. Vieni per me.” She whimpered, her fingers digging into the grass as he encouraged her to come for him. 

She chanted. “Ti amo. Ti amo.” Oh, she never really had the right accent in the throws of passion, but she was saying that she loved him, so he wouldn’t care. He held onto her, finally bringing her to climax and she came loudly at the exact moment he came inside her. Her head dropped forward and his arm darted forward, catching her head before her face hit the ground.
“Carina.” She whimpered as her arms gave out. Luca had pulled his coat off and he now placed it in a ball on her arms, like a makeshift pillow. “Ti amo.

She lay beside him, gasping, her green eyes wide and her body on fire. Oh, she deserved this, she deserved to feel so much of this. She deserved to feel something like this every day of her life. She looked back at him as he said, “We have to wait 10 minutes. She blushed as he pulled out his watch and checked it! “If we’re lucky,” he tucked it back into his vest pocket. “this may have been the right shot.”

“Luca,” she shakes her head at his enthusiasm. “George tried for two years---

“I pulled his medical records, read them last night and…he was impotent, Carina.”

She stared at him. “What?” she wasn’t expecting to hear that. “Are you sure?!”

“Fell out of a tree, landed a the toy wagon and needed surgery, but the damage was done.” She shook her head as tears dribbled down her cheeks. “His family kept it from him.” He exhaled. “Probably found out the truth when he joined the war and he lost his mind.” He kissed her neck. “That’s why he hurt you, amore.”

“But…he kept trying---

“Some men can be very proud and he probably wanted to prove the doctors wrong.” He exhaled. “Well, the doctors weren’t wrong…and he just took it out on you. Found it easier to blame you for his failings instead of reconciling with it. He was sick in the head.”

She didn’t want to think about that anymore. “And…Mr. Shelby?”

he exhaled. “He didn’t know what I know. You could have gotten pregnant eventually, but, you needed more help than what he was giving to you.” He kissed her neck, suckling on her skin. “I have the advantage now. You’ll get pregnant with me.”

“God, I hope so.” She closed her eyes, reveling in his kisses. “I really, really hope so. I want you…so much.”

No more words were said. After the allotted time, they got their clothes back in order and Luca guided her back to the car. Mateo had cleaned up the blood off the floor and Luca ordered him to drive. They headed back towards Worcester, making sure to take an out of the way route.

When the passed a phone box she said, “Stop the car.”

Mateo braked the car and Luca turned to her. “Need to make a call?”

She nods. “There’s someone I need to yell at.”

He smiles and opens the door for her. “There’s the phone amore. I want to talk to him after you do."

She nodded. Luca was probably going to threaten Thomas, but she didn't care. She was so sick of being grabbed by him or his men, this needed to stop.

Chapter 96: Within their reach

She gave the operator the number to the Shelby Company limited and gave Luca a smile. She wasn’t angry; she’d talk about this calmly and collectedly. Personally, she didn’t think that Thomas had ordered her to be taken, still she was unsure. If she needed to get Alfie involved, she would but she wanted to hear it from Thomas first.

Shelby Company limited. Lizzie picked up. Since she wasn’t coming back to Thomas, it wasn’t a surprise that he decided to keep Lizzie as his secretary.

She inhaled and said. “Put Mr. Shelby on the phone.”

Mr. Shelby isn’t----

“Don’t lie to me,” she stated. “put him on the f**king phone now!”

Who the hell is this?

“His wife, unfortunately.” Lizzie went silent. “I know he’s in his office, so, I suggest Lizzie that you stop lying, get off your back and tell him to pick up the phone. Otherwise, I swear to God, I’m going to come down there myself and kill him!” Lizzie was still silent and Kate shouted. “NOW!!”

Alright! Lizzie stated, clearly annoyed.

She exhaled and rolled her eyes. She turned to see Luca smiling at her. “What?”

“Nothing, you look magnificent when you’re on fire like this.”

She shook her head. “Luca---

“I’m serious!” He said with a grin on his face. “Our children won’t know what hit them.”

She shook her head as she blushed. Hello? Thomas’s voice however, ended all the happiness. Kate? Can you hear me?

She inhaled, trying to find some calm. “Yes.” She inhaled before asking. “I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt, so, I want you to tell me what the hell you were thinking today?”

He exhaled. Kate, it’s a f**king vendetta. You better not be calling me every f**king time Changretta nearly gets killed.

She shook her head. “I’m not calling about Luca.”

She could almost see him frowning. Then what the hell are you---

“I’m calling about your men today!” She snapped at him. “I was nearly taken again and one of your men put a knife to my throat!”

What? He sounded shocked, but this was Thomas, he could be lying.

“Did you give the order?” she demands. “Did you give the order that I be brought to you again?”

No! You made your choice, you chose Changretta.

“Swear to me on Grace’s soul that you didn’t give the order.” He didn’t answer her right away. “She’s the only thing that you care about, so I need to know.

He exhaled. I swear it on Grace, we didn’t f**king know you were there. We were told that he was going to an appointment in the area, there wasn’t room in the car for you to be there.

“He made one of the men sit on the floor so I could sit with him.” 

What the hell were you even doing there?! He demanded. Eh?

“I had a doctor’s appointment! He picked me up and was taking me back home!” 

Doctor appointment. He did sound concerned. Are you alright?

She didn’t want to tell him that they were trying for a baby, so she said. “I think so. They’re running some tests. He couldn’t make it to the appointment, so he was picking me up.” She exhaled. “God, why can’t the two of you just stop this?!”

You know why we can’t. He bit out. Not after he killed John.

“Speaking of killing, the man that was killed today, Calogero, he was my bodyguard.” Thomas sighed. “Can you send his body to Alfie?”

he was silent for a long time. I can’t. The men I hired…they do things their own way. He’s been burned and buried in the forest by now.

“Oh God.” She inhaled sharply, trying not to think of that.

That’s how it goes Kate.

“I know, but when I told you that people on both sides get hurt, I meant it.” She inhaled. “Calogero was a kind young man, he was getting married next year.” He exhaled guiltily. “His fiancée had bought him a watch. Is there anyway to get that at least? I’m assuming that they don’t burn valuables.”

He was silent for a moment, but she could see him nodding. Yeah, I’ll see what I can do, Kate.

“Thank you.” She bites her lip. “I know, that people I know and care about are going to get hurt. I really wish you both could stop this.”

It won’t stop, not till he calls it off.

“He won’t do that.” Kate said as she looked back at Luca. He shakes his head. “I am always going to be hoping and praying that both of you eventually call this off before more good men on either side have to be killed.”

There’s a long silence and then he asked. How will you feel if Changretta kills me? God, she didn’t want to think about that. You must know, that is a possibility.

She inhaled. “I know, it’s a possibility. But if you kill him…how do you think I’ll feel?” he had no answer. “We’re all stuck in this nasty little triangle, whether I like it or not. If you died…I would cry, I would be upset. But if I lost Luca…I would die and I doubt I’d want to go on living. It’s very different between both of you.” She inhaled as Luca ran his hand up and down her arm. “I love him Thomas. You’ve known a love like this before. You know that if given the opportunity between saving me or Grace, you’d save her and that’s alright.”

You love him that much?

“Yes, I do. I know, you’re still upset, but if you had a chance to have more time with Grace, you’d make a deal with whomever you could for that time. I’m doing the same.” He of course had no answer for her, but she knew that he understood and respected it. She exhaled. “Luca want’s to talk to you for a minute.”

He exhaled. Put him on the phone. 

“Alright, here you go.” She handed the phone to Luca. “He’ll talk to you.”

Luca nods and says. “You may not want to hear this.”

She exhales and closes the door to the booth. She knew what he was doing, probably threatening to hurt someone if she was ever put in the line of fire like that again by his men. The chat was brief, but Luca made another short call as well. She knew it was another threat, she could see it on his face. 

Within two minutes, he emerged from the phone booth and exhaled. “We can go.”

She shook her head at him. “I don’t like this side of you.”

“I know, I know.” He kissed her neck as he pulled her towards him. “It’ll be gone when we get to Italy.” She hesitated before saying. “I think…you have a spy in your group of men.”

He frowned. “What makes you think that?”

“Thomas slipped up a little,” she explained. “he said that someone told him that you had an appointment. He knew I wouldn’t be with you because there wasn’t enough room in the car for me. So, I wasn’t supposed to be there.” Luca frowned, clearly thinking on it. “The only way he’d know that, is if someone gave him information like that.”

“Yeah.” He exhaled deeply and he thought on. “That’d explain…how he knew you were going to be meeting me at the church, first time he grabbed you.”

She inhaled deeply. “Any ideas who?”

“Maybe,” he frowned. “I’ll need to think on it for a bit, but, you may be right.” He nodded. “In the car Katherine.”

She nods. “Yes, amore.” He takes her hand and she exhales. “Can you stay tonight?”

He nods. “Yes, I can. Any night you want me, I’ll be there.” She wasn’t going to tell him that every night was good enough for her, but that was alright. In time, there’d come a day where permission wouldn’t have to be granted. God, that annulment couldn’t come soon enough.

---

One week later,

---

“Katherine?”

she smiled at the sound of Luca’s voice as he entered the house. “I’m in the kitchen. Want a cup of tea?” The box of tea fell from her hand as he came into the room with blood trickling down his forehead. “You’re bleeding!”

“Eh, Gray and Shelby set us up. He brought the police in. Got hit by a stray bullet.” He wiped at it. “Thought I got all the blood.”

“I told you to be careful with Polly.” Kate took his hand and tugged him towards the kitchen sink. She shook her head as she got a cloth wet and began to wipe at his wound. “I don’t know whether to hit you or kiss you right now.”

He shrugged. “You could do both.” She did slap him and he stared at her. She was breathing heavily. “May I kiss you now?”

“You better!”

he grinned at her. “I miei fuochi d'artificio.”

She frowned. “I’m your what?”

“Firework.”

He pulled her towards him and kissed her deeply. She groaned and latched onto him. God, why couldn’t this whole thing just stop? She was sick of it! Sick of worrying that she’d find out that he was dead. Scared to hear that Thomas or anyone else in his family was dead. But this whole thing wouldn’t just go away! 

Luca backed her up against the table and she began shoving at his coat. He knew, he always knew. He lifted her up onto the table, causing her to moan. How could one kiss cause her to ache so? how could she be wet without him touching her there? Luca broke the kiss long enough to ask. “Is this---

“Yes!” she kissed him and silenced him. 

Luca laid her back onto the table, the vase of flowers on the center of the table fell over and rolled off the edge. She barely heard the vase shattering as Luca pulled her shorts down. God, how was it possible to be so besotted with someone else to the point of near insanity? Kate smiled, noting how he placed an arm under her, making sure her hips were tilted at just right the right angle. He’d took Rossi’s notes to heart and had even called her up to ask for more advice. He wanted this life with her, but she knew that he couldn’t have it until his family was avenged. 

Luca threw her legs over his shoulders before sliding into her, causing her to moan. “That feel good?”

she nodded encouragingly at him. “You always feel good Luca.” 

And he did. He was always paying attention to her and her body. She trusted him in a way that she never trusted any man. He took her with a little more enthusiasm due to the adrenaline coursing through her body and she encouraged it. No matter what was going on in his life with the vendetta, he was always careful with her. She held onto him, gasping hard as Luca came inside her. God, how was each and every time with him special and unique?

Kate moaned as Luca kissed her. he groaned. “F**k, I don’t want to leave you. F**k, Shelby was going to give you over to Sabini. What kind of sick f**k is he?” Kate flushed as he nibbled gently on her neck. “He could’ve had this, could’ve had you.”

“Luca---

“Could have stayed inside, this beautiful goddess of a body,” he runs his hand over her neck. “but the goddess is mine.”

“Amore.” She kissed his neck, nibbling on the cross tattoo. It must be sacrilegious somehow, but she loved his tattoo. “Oh, that was good. So very good.”

“You were perfect, carina.” He kept kissing her. “Oh, I have a meeting with Solomons in an hour. But, I don’t want to leave you.” She moaned in his ear as she tightened on him, causing him to groan. “Katherina. I want to marry you, so much.”

“I know.” She knew it, she could feel it. She’d wanted it a long time now, she just needed that annulment!

“You do realize,” he pointed out. “that I’m talking about marrying you, right?”

“Yes, but,” she smiles, her face heating as she points out to him. “you do realize, that…I haven’t objected to the idea of being married to you?”
his brow arches. “You’d like that?”

“I told you before, Luca,” she licked her lips. “I like a lot of things with you.” She exhales as she says softly. “I want this to be over.” He held onto her tighter. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“I know. I already have something in motion. It’ll take a few months to get in place, but, once it’s over, it’s the last one. Whether it’s successful or not, I’m telling Mama that the vendetta over.”

She caressed his face as she asked him. “Can you live with that? I haven’t asked you to----

“I can live with it,” he stated. “because I can’t live without you. I found a small villa---

“A villa?”

he nods. “Vineyards, lots of space for the children to run. A room for mama downstairs, away from us.” She laughed faintly, he knew she was uncomfortable with the idea of his mother hearing them at night. She wasn’t the quietest woman in the world. “I'll build a barn for the horses and you can teach me to ride.” He exhaled deeply as she ran her hand through his hair. “I want that life, with you amore. I want you.”

“I want you too.” She said as she ran her finger down his nose. “Will your mother be upset?”

“A little, but, I think she’ll get over it. I'll tell her at the rate this vendetta is going, she runs the risk of us not giving her grandchildren and...she want's grandchildren.” He ran his hand up and down her shaking thighs. He turned his head and looked at her legs that were still thrown over his shoulders. “This comfortable, amore?”

she laughed lightly. “No, not very, but, I’ll survive. Five minutes, right?”

he nods. “Yes, I think so.” He kissed her and then asked. “How many children do you want?”

“Well, I’m not a very young woman Luca, so, I think as many as I an give you.”

He nods. “Four, ok with you?”

She nods. “Yes, four sounds good with me. Two boys and two girls?”

He leans forward to kiss her and she closed her eyes as he said. “Perfect amore.” God, she wanted this to be over, it would take time, but that life he was offering, it was so close that it was almost within their reach.

Chapter 97: Stratagem

Two months later,

---

“No lipstick?” Luca asked.

“Not today.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t want to make it look like this was a happy day for us.” She explained quietly. “I’m glad it’s over…but God…why did it have to be Arthur?”

“I’m sorry amore.” She nods as he rubs his shoulder. “I don’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know.” She said quietly. “But that doesn’t make the pain go away.”

When Luca came over to her house that night, she could tell from the look on his face that something had happened. He’d led into it easy enough. He told her that the vendetta was over. While it had made her happy that it was over, she could tell that meant that someone had lost his or her life. She’d asked him if Thomas was dead. When he’d said no, that it was Arthur, she’d sat down on the steps and cried hard. Luca sat with her and held her while she wailed and hit him. He bore it all and allowed it while she cried out all of her pain. She’d hoped that this could all end peacefully, but it wouldn’t. Luca said that two lives had been taken by both, so the vendetta was over. She had apologized to him the following morning for her behavior, but he told her not to apologize for mourning the loss of a friend. 

She was just numb about this whole thing. She didn’t know what she felt about Luca right now. She couldn’t feel anything, yet she felt so much. Luca had told her everything and she’d been stunned that Alfie Solomons had helped them, that’s why it had all been a success. It was almost confusing, Alfie agreeing to help Luca, but Luca said that Alfie’s weakness was money. She remembered seeing Alfie and Tommy together, they were almost like brothers. Was it really that easy to betray someone like that in this world? She was glad Luca was out of it. She’d sent a mourning bouquet to Linda, along with a letter of sympathy. No letter came back, even though Kate had written her address inside the letter. 

Luca had allowed the Shelby’s a week to mourn. After the mourning period was done, the negotiations would commence. They’d fought about that. Luca wanted their business, but Kate pointed out that he said he was getting out of this business. He was going to see their business and Kate had said that was just petty. They’d argued so violently about it that Kate made herself sick. Luca had stopped arguing with her and helped her clean the vomit off the carpet. He’d given in and said that he’d ask for a sum of money instead as compensation towards the lives of the men that had died. 25,000 for each man. Luca had brought thirteen men with him, six men had survived. That would man Thomas had to write a check for 245,000. Luca rounded it up to 250,000 because the remaining balance would be divided and go to those who had children. It would be a big chunk of their savings, they earned 150,000 from the Russian deal but they’d have their businesses. Thomas had a good head on his shoulders and he’d be able to figure things out. He might have to sell his house, which, as cruel as it sounded, was probably a good idea. He’d been boarded up in that grand house for too long and he needed something smaller, that way he could be nearer to Charlie.

Luca exhaled and glanced at his watch. “It’s nearly time.”

She nodded. “Alright, let me grab my purse.”

“Ok, amore.” The phone rang and he said. “I’ll get it.” She nodded as she looked for her purse. She’d brought it downstairs today. “Eh, Rossi. Yeah. Yeah she’s here. Ok.” He paused. “Carina? I’ll get the car ready, come out when you’ve finished talking to Rossi.”

“Alright, amore.” She took the phone from him. Rossi had her come in every month for an exam and to do some tests on her. It was ridiculous, being poked and prodded like this as if they thought that she’d be able to get pregnant so soon. “Hello?”

hello Katherine, I was just calling to let you know that the results came in.

“Let me guess,” she exhaled. “everything looks good, right?”

yes, it does, however, it’s your urine test results I’m calling about. Kate fought the urge to tell Rossi to hurry it up, but that would only make a bad day worse. The rabbit died.

Kate frowned. “I don’t understand.”

Rossi laughed as she declared. You’re pregnant! Kate hit the floor with the phone in her hands. Hello? Are you still?

She was, but she was in a complete state of shock. “Y-yes, but---

Congratulations! Looks like Luca made sure to time it just right. Have Luca make an appointment after you've told him and I’ll talk about setting the two of you up with some classes. Have a good day!

Click.

Rossi hung up and Kate sat there in a complete state of shock. Baby? She was having a baby?? After all those months of trying with Thomas…she was pregnant with Luca’s baby!? How?? How was it even possible!? Was that all it had taken?? Following a schedule, certain positions…it, it just wasn’t possible!!! She was going to be a mother?? She was finally going to be the mother of a child?? She wasn’t sure how she was able to stand up and walk out of the house. Kate stumbled down the stairs towards the car. However, her emotions caught up halfway down the path and she started crying.

Luca got out of the car and hurried towards her. “Amore,” she reached for him and he held onto her. “you don’t have to come.” He thought she was crying about Arthur! Right now, Arthur was the last thing on her mind for the moment! They were having a baby. “Just stay home, I’ll finish the deal.”

“No!” She shook her head as she buried her face in his chest. “Need…a minute.” Luca held tightly onto her as she let it all out. A good five minutes later, she finally got her tears under control. She sniffled and wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright amore.” He reached into his pocket for a handkerchief. “You, are so strong. I know, he was your friend and it’ll pain you to come with me today. You don’t have to.”

“I do.” She wiped her nose after wiping her eyes and put the handkerchief in her purse. “I’ll be fine.”

He studies her. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” She inhales and asks. “Can we go out for dinner, later?” She’d ask him for somewhere nice, somewhere they could dance and then she’d tell him what Rossi had informed her of. “Dancing, too?”

he looks a little surprised, but doesn’t question it. He nods at her. “Alright, amore.” He opened the car door and she got in. Once he was in, she snuggled close to him and rested her head on his arm. It felt horrible to feel happiness at this moment, but after five years of trying, she’d finally gotten her wish. “I love you, Katherine.”

“I love you too Luca.” She admitted as she held onto his hand tightly. “You’ve no idea how much.”

He said nothing more and he ran his hand through her hair. She closed her eyes and waited as they drove to Birmingham. They were meeting in one of the distillery warehouses for Shelby liquor, Thomas’s latest enterprise. Luca held her hand as they walked into the warehouse together. Thomas and Polly both had vacant expressions on their faces. It felt strange to see Finn there instead of Arthur. It was a sober occasion, but, her heart was flying high in the heavens right now.

Look at them. Luca said in Italian before speaking in English. “All that's left of the Peaky f**king Blinders.” 

Luca guided her to sit down at the wooden table before walking around to stare Thomas down. She hated these kind of games that the men played. It was a game of dominance and she knew that Luca was making a statement before announcing his retirement in two months. He’d got to America in that time, settle things up and while she visited Greece, Switzerland and Spain. They’d meet up in France, get married there and honeymoon there. Ironically, Luca hadn’t proposed to her yet, most likely because he was giving her time to adjust to the idea. She did love the villa that he’d picked. His mother would go to the villa and get it set up. She could decorate her bedroom  to her tastes, but the house would be Kate’s to design. Luca had made other arrangement too. Despite his mother’s wishes to tear everything down that the Shelby’s had built, Luca did agree that it would all be too much to undertake, especially with closing down his business in America. So, as Thomas signed the annulment papers and the check, there would be no problem. Thomas wouldn’t like giving up that much money, but it was better than losing his entire life’s work.

Luca snapped his fingers and his lawyer approached with a briefcase full of papers. The lawyer pulled out every single paper and paid it on the table. “I've had my lawyer draw up these papers.” He pulled out a pen and put it down on the table. “Now, before, we get to business…pleasure first.” He reached for the stack of papers and put one in front of her. Kate blinked as he handed her the pen. “You sign right there,” he flips the pages. “and right there…and you’re back to being Katherine Kovach.”
It was her annulment papers.

She inhaled deeply as she scanned the papers really quickly. She’d told Luca that she didn’t want anything, just a simple separation and the terms reflected that. She’d always thought that she’d feel sad when this day arrived, but…it was a good day for her. She was pregnant and she was going to be free to marry Luca.

“Did you f**k my wife, Changretta?” Thomas asked as she picked up the pen.

“And if I did?” Luca hissed at him. “At least know I made sure that she wanted it first.”

“Both of you,” Kate said firmly. “stop it. We’re not here because of me. We’re here, because we’re putting all of this to an end fighting. No more people need to die. Enough have died. Calogero and Arthur were both men with families.” She stated firmly. “Their wives are missing them and both of them have babies that’ll never know their fathers. No more. It’s time to put a stop this.” She bit her lip and signed where she was supposed to. She stood up and turned the papers towards Thomas, along with the pen. “You can sign them now.”

Thomas didn’t move. Luca exhaled in frustration. However, it was Polly who spoke up and she was angry. “Just sign it, Thomas.” Polly bites out. “Look at them. You can see that she wants him and he wants her. You’re not staying married to someone like that.”

“We haven’t been happy in this marriage from the moment we entered it.” She inhaled. “This marriage was about protecting me. I don’t need to be protected anymore. Sabini is dead, I’m free to go now and I don’t want to be married anymore to someone who doesn’t love me. I want to marry someone who actually does love me. I deserve that. I deserve to be loved and wanted.”

Thomas didn’t move. Polly gave him a shove in the back. “Sign the f**king papers, Thomas.”

Thomas walked over to the table and stared at the papers. He frowned and then said. “Thought I’d agreed to give you 20,000 pounds.”

“You did, but,” she bit her lip. “I’d like you to give it to Linda, instead.” He looked genuinely surprised. “With Arthur gone,” she teared up again. “she’ll need it, more than I do.”

He stared at her before demanding. “You actually f**king care!?”

“She always did.” Luca bit out. “Saved your f**king life twice, didn’t she? Made a deal for your sister and kid. She didn’t stop caring just because she loved me.”

“Please,” she said. “we’re going off subject again. Linda was my friend. She was never treated like family either, the only difference between us was that she had a husband who loved her.” She inhaled as she swiped at her eyes. “Just…give me the annulment and Linda the settlement. Please. It’ll help her and Billy.”

He studied her a long time and then nodded. “Alright.” He finally picked up the pen and signed the papers.

Kate exhaled as she rested her hands on the table. She was free. God, it felt so wonderful to be free. She was finally free. Luca took the papers and blew on them. He then handed the papers to her. “There you go, amate.”

Beloved. She smiled up at him. “Grazie, amore mio.”

He nods. “I told you, you deserve to be happy.”

“I am.” She hesitated before turning and asking. “Can I get, my father and mother’s things?”

“No.” Thomas bit out.

“Yes.” Polly said firmly. “After that, I don’t want to see the likes of you again.”

she nods. “I understand and you won’t, we’re moving.”

“Two, unarmed men will accompany her inside and help her with her things.” Luca stated. “I trust this won’t be an issue.”

“No.” Thomas stated with a shake of his head.

“It’s alright.” Kate said softly. “I don’t have much to bring. I can go in and get my things, there won’t be any trouble”

“I don’t trust him.”

“That’s alright.” She bites her lip. “I still remember enough about him to trust that I won’t be harmed.”

Luca studied her and nodded. “Alright.” She folded up the papers and put them in her purse. He cleared his throat. “As you can see, there are still papers here. They cover, uh, every enterprise in your possession. Bars, restaurants, warehouses. Every fucking thing that you've taken all these years to gather together.” Luca stared Thomas down. “You will sign them all over to my family,” she jerked, staring at Luca. This wasn’t the plan, it wasn’t what they’d agreed on. “or you're gonna die.”

She hesitated before asking. “Amore?”

He held up his hand without blinking, telling her to be quiet. She stood up as Luca said, “At least, that was the plan.” She frowned. What was he doing? “I would have buried you all, but my mother, she knows you. She said, it'll be worse for you if I let you live…take away everything that you have.” Luca exhaled deeply and shook his head. “However…I see that look in your eyes. I know, when a man has f**king regrets. You don’t regret the vendetta, you don’t regret your brother’s dying…it’s her.” Luca turned and looked in her direction and sure enough Thomas’s eyes followed Luca to her. “She, is the biggest f**king regret that you have.” Luca shook his head. “My Katherine, she made a request last week and I said I’d think on it, because I thought it was stupid. But, now, I see she was right.”

Thomas was silent for a moment before asking. “Right about what?”

“You see, her idea was all about mercy because she cares about you all. She mentioned that it’d be difficult, running these businesses.” Thomas was still looking at her as Luca continued. “We’re going to dinner tonight, dancing, and there, I’ll sign the papers for the house I bought for her.” She wasn’t expecting much of a reaction from Thomas, but he flinched. “Once she gets her stuff, she’s going traveling while I tie up my affairs in America. Once tied up…we’re getting married.” Thomas’s fists doubled. “She had several doctor’s appointments, she can have children now.” Thomas inhaled sharply at those words. “So, after you write me a check for 250,000 pounds….I’m going to take her and give her the life that you couldn’t. Not that all of this was planned…it all just happened. So,” Luca stepped back and reached into his pocket for the check. “you can keep your businesses and live another f**king day. I’ll be leaving today with the most valuable thing you owned and f**king lost.”

Kate wasn’t really listening to Luca right now, she was looking at Thomas. There was something in his eyes, something different. There wasn’t the despair that she’d seen his eyes from when John died. In fact, there was virtually no pain in his eyes. She could still read him after all this time. When she glanced at Polly….she saw Polly was smiling. Why, would Polly be smiling? This wasn’t a happy moment.  Finn, he was in despair, that much was clear. But Polly and Thomas, their reactions weren’t normal. There was something off. It wasn’t safe here. It wasn’t safe for her, for Luca and she knew it wasn’t safe for their growing baby. 

She hurried around the table and grabbed Luca’s arm. He turned towards her, leaning down slightly as she said in his ear. “Amore…we need to go. It’s a trap.”

Chapter 98: Can't say goodbye

Amore, we need to go, it’s a trap.

He’d been warned before of a trap, but never before had those words managed to strike fear into his heart. He looked at Shelby just as Thomas started to speak. “A friend of mine once said...big f**ks small.” 

That was when Luca saw the smile on Thomas Shelby’s face. Somehow, something had gone sideways. Shelby, even though he’d agreed to peace between the two families had broken his word. Luca was a man of his word, so he’d expected Shelby to be. Clearly, he wasn’t. He shouldn’t be surprised, but he was. Shelby had said that the vendetta was done, that’s what he told his mother. He’d agreed and said that there’d be no more killing. He’d lied.

“So I had to find someone bigger than you.”

Oh, he wanted to beat the smug smile off Shelby’s face so badly right now. “Now, you may know there are two families in Brooklyn, who want take over your monopoly on the import of liquor into New York.” 

He knew this. Alphonse Capone and George Clarence “Bugs” Moran. He’d talked with Moran the other day and they’d agreed to terms. He hated Capone, he was a greedy bastard. “But if they move against you in New York,” Polly Gray said with a smug expression on her face. “they'll start a war between the families.”

“But if you were to die in a vendetta,” Katherine tightened her grip on him at those words and he held onto her. He knew it; he wasn’t leaving this room alive. “with some f**king bookmaker in Birmingham, they could take over your business without a war.”

“We also contacted a businessman in Chicago.” Oh, he knew who they were referring to. “He's also interested in moving into the liquor business in New York.”

“His name is Alphonse Capone.”

He shook his head. He shouldn’t be surprised that Thomas had decided to go into business with the worst of all the men in the liquor business. “You been talking to that fat f**k?”

“You see, all the blood relatives you brought with you from New York, they're all dead, Mr. Changretta.” He now realized that. “And these men here, they work for money, for the highest bidder. They now have new orders.”

“Is that right?” he asked before turning towards all his men. They all had the decency to shift in discomfort. “Is that right?” they all avoid looking at him. When he looks at Mateo, he realized that Katherine had been right about the spy. Initially, he’d thought it was Rafe, the driver since there hadn’t been anymore leaks and Rafe had known every time they were leaving.. He saw now he was wrong. It had been Mateo. “And you, Mateo?” Mateo didn’t even look guilty. He shook his head. “Should have f**king shot you weeks ago.”

“So,” Shelby exhales. “I may have lost her, but it’s temporary. Those papers… they haven’t been filed yet. She’s still my wife and she won’t be going anywhere with you.” 

That meant one thing. Katherine wouldn’t be safe. Shelby would once again force his attentions on her and he wasn’t going to allow that. He kissed Katherine on the forehead and whispered in her ear. “Forgive me.”

She blinked and looked at him as he grabbed his gun from his coat pocket and aimed it right in Shelby’s face. Shelby dodged and grabbed his arm holding the gun. Katherine let out a cry as he carefully pushed her away from him before focusing the fight on Shelby. Shelby was able to knock the gun from his hands, but Luca wasn’t stopping. If he died before killing Shelby, that man would put her through Hell again. He slammed Shelby into a pillar, knocking the air out of his lungs. Shelby in turned head butted Luca, temporarily stunning him as Shelby pushed him across the room.

Luca was able to punch Shelby in the ribs and as Shelby stumbled back, he grabbed a metal pipe off the ground. He swung it at Shelby who backed up into the same pillar. Shelby ducked. Luca hit him over the head. Once. Twice. On the third, Shelby regained his senses and wrestled him backwards. Luca lost his grip on the pipe as Shelby slammed him face first into a bunch of glass bottles of gin. 

“Will the two of you stop it?!” He could hear Katherine screaming as Shelby slammed his face repeatedly into the table. “Please!! Enough!!”

her voice faded in his ears after Shelby slammed his face into the table for the sixth time. He could barely see through the blood as Shelby hauled him up from the table. He looked ahead blinking through the blood to find himself staring into the face…of Arthur Shelby. Thomas Shelby released him and Luca straightened up. He knew what was coming. He was going to die.

Arthur Shelby raised the gun towards Luca’s head and he closed his eyes, preparing to meet his death.

---

“Don’t!” Kate screamed frantically as she threw herself at Luca!

“Kate!” Thomas shouted. 

She ignored him as she lunged and jumped into Luca’s arms. Her arms went around his neck and she held onto him. Luca quickly turned his body as the gun went off, shielding her from Arthur's deadly aim, but exposing him to getting killed. “Amore!”

“Don’t shoot!” She begged as she held onto him. “Don’t shoot!”

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“Arthur?” Thomas asked.

“Missed.” He said. “Weren’t expecting that though, Tom. What the f**k is she doing here?”

Luca held onto her tightly and he exhaled. “Amore, you need to let me go.”

“No!” She shook her head. “I am not letting you go!” she knew what would happen to him the moment that she let him go. He was going to be killed. She had no idea what the hell was going on. The vendetta was over! Both sides had agreed to it! Why were they even doing this?? “I won’t!!” An arm grabbed her from behind and she turned to see Thomas there. She tightened her grip on Luca as she shouted. “Get off me!!”

“Shelby---

“Tom,” Arthur said. “give her a minute to say goodbye.”

“I’m not leaving.” Luca wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. “I’m not leaving you!”

“Katherina,” he said softly, yet firmly. “look at me.” she struggled to look up at him, his green eyes barely visible through all the . “It’s alright. it’s just business.”

“I don’t care!” She hiccuped. “I have had of hell in this life with Sabini and Shelby!” She felt the whole room start in shock. “I can’t lose you! I can’t tell you goodbye!” He went to say something, but she cut him off. “I can’t!! I’m standing with you. I don’t care if they kill me too! I am not leaving you.”

“I love you too. I love you more than anything I’ve loved in this life.” He said gently as he kissed her forehead. “We’ll meet again.” 

“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to---

Luca grabbed her by the back of the head and pulled her towards him, kissing her deeply. Kate clung to him, knowing that this could possibly be the very last kiss that they shared on this earth. Was this really happening to her? Had they all really pretended to agree to peace, just to lure Luca in here to kill him?! Who did something like that!? Luca and Thomas had agreed to fight this vendetta with honor!! It was supposed to be over!! Why was this happening??

Luca broke the kiss and began speaking firmly. “There are papers in my hotel room. You can access everything, including the funds. There’s an account set up for you---

“No.” She shook her head. “I don’t want that, I want you.”

“Amore, you’ll have the house in Tuscany. Go there, with my mother, you’ll both be safe and taken care of.” He added in a lower voice. “As long as Shelby doesn’t destroy the papers, the annulment stands. If he tries to take them, then you f**king kill him. Don’t let him put his hands on you.”

“I can’t do this Luca,” she gasped out as she sobbed. “I can’t through all of this again!”

“Yes, you can. You’re strong. You’re so f**king strong. And you won’t be alone, I’ll be there.” He said gently as he pressed his hand to her heart. “I’m in there.” His hand traveled down to rest on her stomach. “And I know…that I’m in there.” 

She gasped. “Luca---

He knew?? Oh, God!! How the hell could he know?? Why did he have to realize now of all times??

“I just realized,” he shook his head. “that’s why you wanted dinner out tonight after Rossi called. Took a minute.” He added in a lower voice. “I’ll come to you in the night, in your dreams, I’ll be there for you and the baby. I won’t leave you alone.”

“Don’t.” She said. “Don’t you dare accept this.”

“Time’s up.” Thomas said.

“No!” Kate couldn’t stop screaming as Thomas came up behind her and took her arm and began to pull her free from Luca. “You lied!!” She screeched at him. “You agreed to peace!! You said no more killing!!”

“Yeah, well,” he grabbed her around the waist and yanked her off Luca. “I f**king lied. That’s what we do.”

“We weren’t even staying!!” She screamed. “We were leaving!!”

“Too bad!”

“You could have just let us go!”

“Gray,” Luca said loudly as he stared Arthur down. “you’re a woman. Swear to me on your son’s life, that he’ll let her go and  she will be safe.”

“Polly,” Kate begged as she fought Thomas. “don’t!! Let him go!! This was supposed to be peace!”

Polly, however, wasn’t listening to her. She nodded at Luca. “I swear it on Michael’s life, she’ll leave here free to go wherever she pleases. She's not been a part of this family since she got into your f**king bed.”

“Why are you doing this??” She screamed as her brain and senses began to fracture around her. She couldn’t fighting Thomas, even when he pinned her against the pillar, she kept kicking, screaming and fighting. “Arthur!” She begged. “Please!! Don’t kill him, please!!” 

BANG!

The gun went off and Kate let out a long scream as Luca’s body flew backwards. Her entire world fell apart in that moment and her entire heart shattered into a million pieces. She wasn’t going to he whole again after this. She couldn’t be. Her entire body went lax and she sank to the floor in a state of shock.

She was dead. He'd died and she'd died in the exact same moment that he'd died.

Chapter 99: 50-50

It wasn’t supposed to go like this.

Kate wasn’t supposed to be here. She wasn’t supposed to walk in holding Luca Changretta’s hand, wearing a deep blue dress that was too short for her. He’d been enraged at the sight of her, he hated her so much that he could have killed her in that moment. He’d spent so many days hating her, listening to her and her f**king demands over the phone. He wanted to deny her stupid little requests, but they were never for herself. They were always for other people and as much as he would like to say that Kate was a selfish b*tch, he knew that she wasn’t. He’d seen that in her face today when he signed the annulment papers and she’d asked him to give the settlement to Linda. That, he hadn’t seen coming, but he hadn’t cared. She was here with Changretta.

When he’d lost Kate, he’d spent days, hours looking for her, he’d been unable to sleep, so he’d started combing the back streets of Birmingham at night. He thought that she hadn’t been able to get far, but then, they’d found out that she was kidnapped. All he could do was try to track down the car, but without a plate, Moss was up a creek without a paddle. Then, Changretta had walked in, talking about honorable vendettas and he’d done an honorable thing. He’d asked for his wife back. Then Changretta had said…his wife didn’t want him.

She wanted to be with Changretta. 

When he’d talked to her on the phone, he’d been so relieved to hear her voice. Her soft, sweet, innocent voice was actually soothing to his soul. Then, she’d said given him this whole speech about how she wouldn’t betray him or his family. Then, she’d stabbed him in the back. She’d said she was staying with Changretta and she was leaving England and him behind. After everything thing he’d done for her, she’d decided to desert him. 

He’d married her. He’d given her his name. He’d given her the protection of his body and he’d given her use for it. She’d been a terrified, little mousy thing, scared of her own shadow. Then he’d helped her. He’d gotten her to enjoy sex. He’d gotten her to enjoy it so much that she thought that she was in love with him. And he’d been scared. He’d been scared the moment he looked into those beautiful green eyes. From the very first moment he’d seen her holding Charlie, he’d been scared. He hadn’t even  known her name and she’d scared him. She was beautiful. Too f**king beautiful and even in his grief, he’d noticed.

So, when he was told he had to marry her, his protests had been partly because he’d known, he’d known that he’d develop feelings for her. So, he’d done the one thing that he could do. He’d treated her like an object. He’d been cold to her for that very reason. He couldn’t form an attachment to her, so he’d pushed her, forcing her so she’d hate him. But she hadn’t hated him. She’d gotten attached somehow. It must have been during the sex. The sex, it had been good between them. Who was he kidding? The sex had been f**king amazing between them. She’d felt amazing. Her body, so warm, slippery, and tight. But it hadn’t been about how she’d felt, it had been about how they’d felt together. 

He knew what she meant, she’d fallen and she’d fallen hard. He hadn’t fallen, or at least, that’s what he’d thought until she’d declared that she loved him. He remembered that moment. She’d said that she loved him…and he’d known. He’d known that he’d loved her. He’d known it the second that she’d looked at him and he’d been f**king terrified. She loved him. He wasn’t supposed to find love and it had found him. On top of it, he wasn’t supposed to find love a second time. The moment he’d realized what had happened…he’d run scared. He’d done and the one stupidest thing that he could think of. He’d f**ked Lizzie. The way Kate had looked at him told him that he’d killed her inside. He thought that these feelings could go away…but they wouldn’t. His feelings for her, they hadn’t gone anywhere. But hers had.

And it was become of that f**ker Luca Changretta. He hadn’t seen Changretta that Halloween. He’d only seen a figure jump over the maze wall and Kate. Oh, Kate! She’d stood there, a hand on her mouth and lips, looking like she’d been f**ked. Except she hadn’t been, it had only been a stupid, little kiss, but that kiss had been enough to cause her to realize that she wanted more. From that point on, she’d shut herself down. She hadn’t allowed him to get close to her. He’d f**k her and he’d known that she was thinking about Changretta.

But in that time, he’d grown to miss her vibrancy, the closeness, the warmth, the way she’d tease him. Her laugh, her smile, her shyness and her vulnerability. Those feelings had only increased and he’d known the moment he’d seen her walk out of the warehouse that day holding onto Changretta that he’d lost her. He’d refused to admit it to himself. Refused to admit that Kate had fallen for a murderer like Changretta. And she had, she’d fallen hard. Hard enough that she’d thrown whatever morals that she’d had into the air.

He knew that when he asked Luca if he’d f**ked Kate that he had. It was obvious. He didn’t know how long it took Kate to let him into her bed, but he knew that it had probably been immediate. It took him nearly a year to get her into his bed, Changretta had managed to do that in less than 4 months. Kate was in love with Changretta, it was obvious. She hadn’t even blushed when he’d asked, she’d almost been proud of sleeping with his enemy. He’d told himself that it wasn’t real, that it had all been in her head after Luca kept her a prisoner, but now, he couldn’t. The way she’d screamed, sobbed, begged and pleaded told him just how much in love with him she truly was.

“Tell your people,” he gasped out. He was winded from the fight with Changretta and Kate, she’d fought him like a wildcat. She’d actually torn his suit and his suits were very well made. She was now sitting on the floor in dead silence. Almost as if the very life in her had just been taken out of her in that very second the very moment that Luca Changretta’s life had ended. “in Chicago that Michael Gray will sign the import license to New York. 300 barrels of English dry gin a month.”

“Leave. All of ya.” Arthur said firmly. “Tell your boss what you saw here today. And tell him... you don't fuck with the Peaky Blinders.”

BANG!! BANG!! BANG!!

Suddenly, Mateo fired his gun, hitting a tank of gin as he sunk to the floor, blood pouring down the side of his head. Everyone whirled around, but he knew who fired the shot.

Kate.

He grabbed the gun from her and she screamed. She lunged for her gun while she cursed him out, scratching, fighting and clawing at him. She wouldn’t stop, she was crying so violently that drool was coming out of her mouth, snot was coming out of her nose and her eyes were already swollen red. 

“Poll,” he shouted. “give me a f**king hand!” Polly drew her hand back and slapped Kate across the face. It may have been to calm her down, draw her out of shock, but it enraged her. Kate drew her foot back and kicked Polly in the stomach! Polly fell backwards and crashed into Finn!  “Kate!!”

“I HATE YOU!!” She screamed in his face. It was like a knife blade to his heart. A part of him had always doubted that Kate had truly fallen out of love with him. Now, he knew that she had, she’d stopped loving him. “I’LL KILL YOU!! I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL KILL YOU!!”

“Kate---

“Katherine?”

A full-fledged lightning bolt, shot through her entire body and she gasped.vHe frowned. Who was calling her Katherine? None of them called her Katherine! He looked to Polly who was staring at Luca. He turned slowly to see, Luca Changretta, trying to sit up!!

“Luca?” she slammed her fist upside his face and dragged herself over Luca’s body. “Oh, my God! Luca!”

His blood boiled over as he realized that Luca Changretta was still alive. Arthur hadn’t taken the f**king headshot! He said he would, but he hadn’t. Arthur shot him in the stomach. 

He turned to Arthur, who looked uneasy. “What the f**k Arthur? You were supposed to f**king kill him!”

Arthur exhales deeply as he says. “I couldn’t do it Tom.”

He stared at Arthur in shock. “What’d you f**king say Arthur?” Luca had ordered that John be killed. He’d been gunned down and Arthur, who’d finally been full of his old anger and violence, he hadn’t done it. He’d had Luca in his sights and he’d let him live.

“See,” Arthur said. “she wrote Linda a letter, sent flowers, said she going to leave money behind for her and Billy.”

He groaned. “What are you saying?”

“Linda and me talked,” he shook his head. “it was a f**king hell of a letter and---

“F**king spit it out Arthur!” he shouted in fury.

“We let God decide.” He said, simply. “50-50 chance with the shot to the gut. If he dies, he dies. He lives, he lives.”

He couldn’t believe this. Arthur…had spared Luca Changretta’s life? “What’d you f**king say Arthur?”

Arthur shook his head. “Don’t want her voice in my head. there’s enough there as it is. Can’t do it, not to her, not with what I know.”

“Arthur---

“You know what Sabini and others did to her.” Arthur pointed out. “She’s had a rough time, f**king harder than any of us and I-I just can’t kill him. I can’t. Not when she loves him like that.”

“He f**king killed, John!” Tommy shouted. “What the f**k is wrong with you!?”

“Yeah, he took John, we took his father, his brother and we took his business. He quit the business, picked Kate over all this, so, he was out. He’s f**king out Tom.”

“This is Linda.” He snarled. “She f**king made you soft.”

“No, it was at first, but not anymore.” Arthur shakes his head. “Right now, feels like you want me to kill him for sleeping with your wife. I can’t do it Tommy. I can’t do it. If you want him dead…you do it yourself.”

He could do it. If he didn’t think about it, he could do it. He pulled the gun and aimed it at Luca Changretta’s head. Before could pull the trigger, Kate dove on top of Luca. She covered Luca with as much of her body as she could. She had one hand pressed on Luca’s wound, making sure that she was slowing the bleeding. Changretta was under her, gasping and clutching her hand.

Kate looked him, dead in the eye, her green eyes blazing as she said clearly. “If you kill him, you’ll have to kill me to!”

Chapter 100: Her Grace

This woman, never failed to surprise him. He could live to a million years and he’d always be surprised by her.

“Amore.” Changretta gasped as he squeezed her hand. “G-go.”

“No,” she shook her head. “I am not…leaving you.” Kate turned towards him and begged. “Please, don’t kill him.”

“Why the f**k shouldn’t I?” he demanded. “He f**king killed John! Nearly killed Arthur! So no,” he went to pull her off Changretta. “I am not, letting this f**king bastard live!”

“I’m pregnant!” she shouted, causing his entire body to freeze. He stared at her in shock. “I-I’m pregnant.” How the f**k could she be pregnant? “The baby is Luca’s.”

That explained it. But what it didn’t explain, was how she got pregnant so f**king fast? He’d been f**king her several times a day, most of those times she actually enjoyed it. He knew she did. He could feel it. So, why the hell, had she gotten pregnant with Changretta? Unless…she was faking it. Yeah, she had to be. She’d been married to George and raped repeatedly. A child should have been born from that union, but it hadn’t been. He’d done it all right, gotten her to enjoy it, no, she loved it. He remembered her lying under him, begging for him and his cock, taking it like she’d been made for it. So, why hadn’t he been able to get her pregnant?

He shook his head. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not!”

“You,” he shouted as he pointed the gun in her face. “are not f**king pregnant!!”

“Thomas!!” Polly said sharply. “Let me see if she’s pregnant or not. Probably lying.”

Kate shook her head. “I’m not.” Polly walked over and knelt beside her. Polly shot Luca look of disgust as Kate carefully sat up. He groaned and Kate apologized. “Sorry, mi amore.”

“You’re speaking f**king Italian?” he demanded. 

“We were going to get married and move to Italy!” She hiccuped, looking absolutely pathetic. “Why, wouldn’t I learn Italian?”

he shook his head as he half-shouted in her face. “Why you f**king little---

“Thomas,” Polly shouted. “let me check! She might be lying for all you know!”

Kate shook her head. “I’m not.”

“Sit up!” Polly said firmly and Kate did. Polly groped Kate’s breast, causing her to gasp lightly. She looked right at him when she gasped. Kate was sensitive, always was. F**king hell, he was still attracted to her. She didn’t look away from him and he knew that was because she was protecting Changretta. Polly ran her hand down Kate’s stomach and she shook her head in disgust. “How far along are you?”

“Not…far.” She inhaled. “Probably two months. We’ve gone…to specialists, had to follow instructions, give up foods and I-I just found out today. Doctor Rossi…didn’t tell us details.”

Polly studied her. “The dinner he mentioned, he was taking you out to celebrate the baby?”

“It was the baby,” she sobbed. “I swear. We were getting out of this life!”

“Is she,” he shouted. “or is she not pregnant!?”

“She’s pregnant, Thomas.” Polly said, holding her gaze. “It’s going to be a boy.”

He didn’t want to hear that. He shook his head, which was rapidly beginning to ache. “Don’t you f**king do that Poll.” He said. “Try to make it f**king real.”

“Well, it is real.” Polly said as she stood up. “She let Luca Changretta between her legs and he f**ked his bastard into her.”
Luca grabbed a hold of Kate’s wrist, gripping her tightly. “Shh,” she said quietly. “it’s alright. It’s going to be alright.”

He doubted that. He looked at Polly and exhaled deeply. “What do you think Poll?”

She shook her head. “I don’t know. As far as I’m concerned, Luca Changretta deserves to die as slow painful death and Kate’s a bigger traitor than Grace. I’d say you should shoot her right here with Changretta.”

“No!” Changretta gasped out against the pain, he actually tried to turn onto his stomach so Kate was under him, but he didn’t have the strength to do so. “L-let her go. Please.”

Polly shook her head before stating darkly. “But she’s pregnant and he’s the father. I say…we go with Arthur's decision.”

He shook his head. This was coming to an end. He knew it, he could feel it, it was like a rope slipping through his fingers and he couldn’t let her go. He’d lost himself in the sex, the glorious sensations that she’d given to him. Then when he’d lost that, he’d been forced to focus on her. The memories of her had tormented him. He’d been scared, he’d been so scared to admit that he’d fallen in love again that he’d refused to call it love at first. Grace, had been the first woman that he’d loved in so long. Loving Kate, it had been a betrayal to her and her memory. He’d told himself over and over again that he didn’t love Kate. 

But he did. He did love her and that was his curse. He was cursed to love only to lose those he loved at the cost of his own hands. His stubbornness, his fear and his pride always cost him love and once again, he’d driven away love for the second time in his life. He should have gone with Grace the first time that she’d wanted to get away from this life. The moment Kate had told him that he’d loved her, he should have told her the truth. He should have told her that he’d felt something for her, but wasn’t sure what it was yet. Now, he knew it was love and she loved someone else. No, this was stronger than love. It was a passion that he wouldn’t understand. She was covering Changretta with her own body and Changretta, even though he was slowly bleeding out, he had a hand over Kate’s heart and head, vainly trying to protect her. 

“What do you want!?” Kate shouted, drawing him back out of his thoughts. “What do you want from me!? Money? I have a million pounds cash, you know I do. I’ll give it to you, plus interest---

he didn’t want that. He shakes his head. “No, I don’t money.”

“Do you want me?” She demanded. “Is that it? Do you want to tie me up, f**k me for a month straight and then throw me back to him?”

“Amore---

“Luca, it’s alright.”

“He does not,” Luca rasped. “put…a f**king finger on you.”

“He can do whatever he wants to me as long as he lets you go!” He’d had enough of this. He shook his head and walked over, aiming the gun at Changretta’s head. Before he could pull the trigger, Kate covered Luca’s head as she shouted. “You owe me!” 

THAT made him beyond angry! He did everything for her and she couldn’t even repay him by being f**king loyal! “I owe you nothing!” He roared. “You owe me everything!”

“You owe me, because I helped Grace!” Oh, no she hadn’t now, she hadn’t just said that to his face! “I am begging you to give me the same chance that I gave Grace. Let us go and let the doctors do their best. If he makes it, he makes it. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t. But don’t you DARE kill him! Luca is my Grace!” Those words, sent a f**king chill down his back that couldn’t be described. The gun started to shake in his hand. “You said, the vendetta was won! That there’d be no more killing! I thought above all else that you were at least a man of your word! Just let us go! You won’t see us again!!”

he couldn’t move. He wanted to, but he couldn’t. It was his pride again. He knew that. He was too stubborn and proud to admit that he’d made a mistake. He couldn’t’ pull the trigger. He knew the moment he did that everything between him and Kate was over. It was over now, but, he had to decide on how he wanted it to end. He wanted her to go, but he couldn’t let Changretta live. He didn’t know what to do. If he took his revenge...he'd ruin Kate's life, he could see that. She was in love with Changretta, as deeply in love with him as he'd loved Grace. It was unfair that she should be allotted time with Luca while he was denied Grace. But it had happened and now, he didn't know what to do with it.

Fortunately for him, Arthur did. “Tommy!” Arthur said firmly as he grabbed ahold of his face and pulled the gun away from Luca’s head. “Time to let her f**king go. She moved on, she left you too far behind. She’s with him, having his baby and if you kill him now, she’d never come to you. You lost this one. Shut the door on it.”

He had lost this war and he hated to lose. Changretta had lost the vendetta, but won the war. He looked at Kate, she was holding her breath, hoping and praying for a merciful answer to come from his lips. When he stayed silent, she opened her mouth and said. “Tommy, please.”

She’d never called him Tommy before in her life. It had always been Mr. Shelby, then, Thomas. Then, this whole mess had caused her to revert back to Mr. Shelby. She’d waited, for the perfect moment to call him by his name. Hearing her call him Tommy, was like a feeling he couldn’t explain. It was if a clear breeze had blown through his soul. It was like the 11th hour, when there was only peace after all this fighting. He knew he was still in love with her. Her calling him by his name, shouldn’t have so profound an effect on him, but it had. He’d told her that he loved her so many times and she hadn’t believed it. Now, was the chance for him to prove it to her. He could prove it, without saying it to her.

---

Kate held her breath as Thomas handed Arthur the gun and she exhaled in relief. Thomas turned to her and said. “Both of you, get the f**k out of England.” She nodded. “I see him here again…and I’ll f**king kill him.”

“Yes. Thank you Thomas! Thank you!” She nodded as she got up off Luca, keeping her hand pressed on the wound. “Amore, can you walk?” Luca tried sitting up, but he fell back. “It’s alright.” She said as she pulled off her coat and balled it up, pressing it onto the wound. “I’ll get you out of here, just hold on.”

The car was just outside. Kate hooked her arms under Luca’s shoulders and began dragging him outside. She could feel Thomas looking at her as she refused to give up. Luca Changretta would live. He would see his son grow. He would be her husband. He would put another child in her. He didn’t get to die here. He didn’t get to die like this and she wasn’t going to stop fighting for him and the future that they were going to share together.

Kate fell backwards as she dragged him outside. God, he was heavy. “Here.” She looked up to see Arthur walking towards them.

She shook her head. “Don’t.”

Arthur ignored her and started dragging Luca out. Kate hurried ahead, opening doors as Arthur dragged Luca through. While he dragged him through uncaringly and roughly down each step, she knew that Luca could survive a bruised tailbone. The bullet in his stomach was of much more concern to her. Luca’s new driver, Antonio, was still inside and he’d jumped out of the car to help load Luca in the car.

She turned to Arthur and asked. “Why did you do that?”

“Well, Linda, one of the last things we read was the good Samaritan. Yes, we’re enemies, but…I didn’t do it for him.” He looked at her belly and said. “Don’t want you to lose the baby cause none of us helped.” Tears filled her eyes at his words. “Besides, that letter you wrote…it were from the heart. You didn’t know I was alive, you made Linda cry and…I seen your back. If anyone deserved to find love, it was you, don’t know why it had to be with this f**ker.”

“Arthur.” She jumped up and kissed him on the corner of the mouth, startling him. “Thank you.” He nodded. “I am sorry. I do care about all of you, it’s just,” she shakes her head. “you love Linda, you know how it is. You can’t help who you love.”

“No.” As she went to get in the back of the car with Luca, she said. “Tell him, I wish him well and hope that he finds love again.” Luca let out a groan as he reached for her. “We have to go.”

Arthur nodded and stepped back after closing the car door. “Katherina?” Luca said weakly.

“I’m here amore, I’m here.” She said as she gripped his hand tightly. “I’m here. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave us.”

He held her hand all the way to the hospital. Only when they arrived at the emergency entrance did he succumb to the pain and pass out. Kate sent Antonio to go get Mrs. Changretta. It would be a very long day and night in here, but she wasn’t leaving until she knew that Luca was going to survive. 

He was going to. He had too much to live for. He had his mother. He had her and he had their baby. He wasn’t going to die, not like this. She wouldn’t let him die. Their story didn’t get to end this way.

Chapter 101: Leaving the past behind

He hurt, but the pain was muted. He was numb, but aching. Luca Changretta opened his eyes and looked around the room. He was in a hospital, a private room. He looked around the room. He hated hospitals. It was so sterile and cold. He turned his head and saw the one warm and beautiful thing in his life.

Katherine Kovach, soon to be Katherine Ann Changretta. She’d fallen asleep in the chair next to his bed and he could tell from the angle of her body that she was exhausted. He wasn’t sure how long he was out, but he could tell that she was in the same dress that she was wearing when he was shot.

He reached for her hand, only to see that she’d fallen asleep holding it. Ignoring the pain in his midsection, he brought her hand up to his chest. He wanted to kiss her, but, his hands were too weak. But the movement awoke her. Her eyes opened and she looked at him all bleary-eyed, clearly exhausted. Then, her eyes widened as she got out of her chair. “Oh, God! Luca!”

“Amore,” he smiled weakly at her as she started crying quietly. “No tears, mi amore. You saved my life.”

She inhaled. “You, you saved mine, first. I love you, so much.”

“I love you too.” He brought her hand to his mouth and kissed her. She exhaled happily. This overwhelming feeling of love welled up inside him and he couldn’t stay silent a moment later. “I know, this is not what you deserve and I promise, I’ll do it proper, but,” he tugged her towards him. “will you marry me? Once I’m out of this bed?”

She nodded eagerly. “Yes, I will, Luca Changretta.” She leaned forward and kissed him. “Yes, I will.” He closed his eyes and responded to her beautiful kisses. He tried to sit up, causing him to inhale sharply at a pain in his stomach. She broke the kiss and looked down. “I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry, amore.” He inhaled as he asked. “What happened?”

“You got shot in the gallbladder, they had to remove it.” She inhaled. “You developed a minor infection, a fever and they kept you sedated for a few days. But,” she shakes her head as she puts her hand on his forehead. “Your fever finally broke. In a week or two, you can leave this hospital and recover at home. We’ll go to the cottage, I already told Rossi to expect us and she’ll drop in and check on you. You should be back to normal in four to six weeks.”

“Four.”

She smiled at him. “Let’s try for five.” She runs her hand through his hair. “I know, you like all men hate hospitals, but, I want you strong and well. You promised you’d show me Italy and I want to see Italy with you. I want to have a life with you and our baby needs you to be strong.”

He smiled at her. “Alright, I’ll take you and my family to Italy.” His eyes started to close. “Is Mama ok?”

“Yes,” she said. “I’ll let her know that you woke up. She’ll sit with you for a while. I need to run a few errands, now that I know you're alright. Ok?”

“Yes, carina.” She kissed him and he fell asleep. 

He’d made it. He’d survived the vendetta and he was going to marry Katherine. He probably hadn’t honored his father or brother as well as he should have, but he had a good woman. A woman who would make sure that his family name didn’t die. That, was the greatest honor that he could give his father.

---

Kate knocked on the door of Thomas Shelby’s house, her heart pounding in her chest. She didn’t want much. Just her hope chest and her father’s Shakespeare book collection. She’d called ahead, spoken to Frances and she’d said that she’d get her mother’s hope chest down. Kate wasn’t sure that she’d wear her mother’s wedding dress, this was her third marriage and she was sure that wearing white was wrong, especially since she was pregnant. But they’d be having a traditional church wedding and if she was ever going to wear her mother’s wedding dress, it’d be her marriage to Luca.

The door open and Frances greeted her. “Mrs. Shelby.”

“Miss Kovach, actually,” she said politely. “the marriage was annulled.”

“Oh,” Frances wasn’t judgmental like Mrs. Hughes. “I see. I’ll have some footmen load up your hope chest.”

“Thank you Frances. Where’s Mrs. Hughes?”

“She quit, a few months ago. Said she was moving to America.”

Kate nodded. “Good place for her.”

“Also, I checked your room thoroughly. I couldn’t find the Shakespeare book collection that you described.”

That’s because it wasn’t in her room. Her heart dropped as she said. “It’s in the library.”

“Oh.” Frances hesitated and said in a lower voice. “Mr. Shelby is in there.”

“I know.” She exhaled. There was no sense in putting this off. “Can you get the chest loaded up, please? I’ll go get the books.”

“Alright.” Frances hesitated and then asked. “Shall I knock and tell you that it’s been loaded up?”

Kate nodded. “Yes, please. Especially if it starts to sound really ugly.” She inhaled deeply and moved towards the library.

Her hand shook as she knocked on the door. “Come in.” 

She inhaled and walked in. Thomas as usual was at his desk but he wasn’t writing. He was drinking. She knew these moods of his. This mood, was an especially dark one. This mood, was normally the one that she’d alleviate by allowing him to have her. But not today, not anymore. He was harmless in this condition. He was too bogged down by drink and grief to have any anger in him.

She exhaled and walked over to him. She stayed on the opposite side of the desk as she pulled away the vodka bottle. She knew it was really bad when he drank vodka. He reached for it and she moved it out of his reach. “You’re going to kill yourself one of these days if you don’t stop.” He looked up and stared at her, almost as if he couldn’t believe that she was actually there. She nods. “Yes, I’m here.”

He stared at her and asked. “What are you doing here?”

She inhaled and reminded him. “You and Polly said I could get my things.”

He frowned. “That was a week ago.”

“I know, but,” she exhaled. “I didn’t want to leave Luca. I can now.”

“He make it?”

she hesitated before nodding. “Barely. He had his gallbladder removed, he had extreme blood loss which made the surgery complex. He had a fever and an infection. He died once and then he came back.”

He shakes his head with a dry laugh. “That’s the Italians for you. Hard to kill.”

“Yes. Once he’s well enough, we’ll be leaving England.”

He nodded before asking. “You going to marry him?”

She sighed as she asked. “Do you really need to know the answer to that question?”

“That’s a yes, then.”

“Yes, it is.” She exhales and shakes her head. “You don’t want me, Mr. Shelby. You merely think you do. I’ll admit the sex with you, it was good between us. It was wild, intoxicating at times, but…empty, now that I look back at it.” She inhaled. “I didn’t realize that, until Luca showed me what it really meant to be in love.”

“Where did we go wrong, Kate?” he asked. “Eh?”

she inhaled and said. “You know, originally I thought it all went wrong from Lizzie, but…in truth,” she admitted. “it was wrong from the moment we married. You were grieving, you still are and it was wrong to force you into this.”

“It was to protect you.”

“I know.” She shook her head. “The next, was the sex.” He exhaled and looked up at her. “Yes, I know you had a noble reason for wanting to get me pregnant, that’s why I agreed to it even though I didn’t want it. While you took care of me in your own way, you pushed me…way before I was ready. And, because of my past…I started thinking things were different. I thought it was love, but, I realized that the only time I could feel close to you was when we had sex.”

“We were close Kate,” he said firmly without looking at her. “I felt it, I know you did too.”

“Perhaps there were moments, but, we don’t know each other.”

“We do,” he said. “in our way.”

“What’s my middle name, Thomas?” he didn’t respond. “I know yours is Michael, but, do you know mine?”

he’s silent, the silent mode when he knows that he’s wrong. He shakes his head. “No.”

“Do you know my birthday?” no answer. “I don’t know yours either. Do you know how old I am?”

“No.”

“I’m 32, going to be 33 in two months.  Luca turned 40 three days ago. I know your birthday is in June, but I don’t know the date or your age.” She inhaled. “These…are little thing that we should know about each other. These are, the basics at least. If I started to go into my favorite books, favorite opera and favorite dance, you couldn’t answer that.” He inhaled as she said softly. “We didn’t take the time to know each other. We put up walls in our own little ways, mine started to come down and you couldn’t let that happen. Letting mine down, meant that I’d expect you to let yours down. And, you need your walls, I need openness.”

“And Luca Changretta gives you that, right?”

“He does.” She said. “He's shown me love in ways that you cannot even begin to understand. He’s slow, he’s gentle and so patient with me.”

“He good to you?”

she nods. “Very good to me.”

He looked at her. “And, you got pregnant for him?”

“Not quite.” She inhaled. “He had to give up drinking and we had to eliminate certain foods from our diet. The doctor, gave him page of instructions on what to do with me, but that didn’t bother him. He wants to be with me and he doesn’t mind working through things with me. He talks to me, he listens to me and trusts me. I’m a part of his family and they’ve welcomed me into their family. You used me and I let you because I wasn’t strong enough not to let you hurt me anymore.” He opened his mouth, but she held a hand up. “You hurt me. I know, you don’t believe me because you’re not like George. You hurt me, in the way your father hurt you.” His head shot up. “Those kind of scars… they can’t healed, not between us at least.” She exhaled. “I only came in here for my books and my mother's wedding dress.”

As she walked over to the shelf with her father’s books, she noticed that the spot they were normally in, was vacant. As she turned back to Thomas, he said. “I burned them.”

she stared at him. “You didn’t.” he said nothing. “Those books, were over 100 years old! You knew how much those meant to me! You knew that my father loved them!” he said nothing. She shook her head as pain slashed her. “I’d curse you, but you’re already cursed Thomas Shelby. May you live in misery for the rest of your days and I will never, spend another day thinking about you or your family ever again!”

And it was. That was the last day that she spent thinking about Thomas Shelby. Two months later, she was on a boat bound for Italy with her future husband and mother-in-law on either side of her. England was her past and what lay ahead for her in Italy, was her future. There was no point in looking behind anymore, not when the sun was shinning so brightly ahead.

Chapter 102: Mrs. Luca Changretta

October 31st, 1926

---

Kate let out a groan as she spat into the basin. God! She was going to puke up a kidney at this rate! Oh, she was so nervous!!

“Feel better?” Mrs. Changretta asked as she handed her a glass of water to rinse her mouth out.

Kate shook her head. “I can’t stop vomiting.”

“It was like that for me with Luca.” She said. “The first…is always so unpleasant.” She groaned as she accepted the glass and rinsed her mouth out. “But, you are also nervous. You are marrying my boy today.” Kate’s hand shook as she spat the water out in the basin. Her soon to be mother in law, waved her hand at one of the many girls in this room. “Clean that up!”

oh, she was nervous. She hated this feeling! She HATED being nervous. She was never nervous with anything until it came to Luca! And it was all-important things like, her first kiss, first time making love with him that she’d gotten nervous. Now, she was marrying him and yes, she was nervous! 

So much had happened since her annulment.

Luca was cleared from the hospital within two weeks. As he recovered at home under her watchful eye, he arranged for George Moran to come over to England with his lawyer. Luca sold his business over to Moran, so he was higher than Capone. Yes, it would probably end in a massacre in a few years time, but Moran had enough to dominate Capone in the liquor business. Moran seemed to be a friendly, semi-honorable man. He was a family man as well, Catholic, which is probably he was one of the few men in the business who refused to engage in prostitution or run prostitution rings. He despised Al Capone for that very reason. She wasn’t surprised that Thomas would be involved in with the lowest of the low. Moran, offered to take over other aspects of Luca’s businesses in America and send him a portion every month. Luca had agreed and he'd receive 10% of the proceeds until the business had been purchased. Moran, was set to become a very wealthy man and Luca said that he had enough put aside that they’d never need to work again for the rest of their days. Everything was cheaper in Italy, so, their money would last longer.

She’d fallen in love with Italy the moment she arrived. It was all so very beautiful. Luca’s villa was just on the outskirts of Montepulciano. It needed a little bit of work, like some of the houses did and Luca had made sure that it was fitted with electric and modern plumbing before they arrived. But Luca, never did anything by half. He also bought them a summerhouse on the island of Elba. He said that it would be good for the children to be around water. She hadn’t initially been thrilled about the 4-hour drive, but the moment she’d seen the sea, she didn’t mind. By the time she saw the house, she agreed that it was good for their family. She didn’t know if she’d have more after this one came into the word, but she could hope and dream. 

She was able to catch onto Italian easier, now that she was surrounded by people who spoke it. Everyone was so kind, trying to help her on her pronunciation and best of all, no one knew who they were. The Changretta name didn’t really mean much here. Luca said if they were in the bigger city, it would have carried some weight but he wanted to get away from all of that. She didn’t want to travel anywhere while she was pregnant, so, Luca promised once their child was no longer breastfeeding, he’d take her on their honeymoon. She’d chosen Greece because it was close to home and Luca knew that, but he didn't care, he wanted her to be happy. 

“Are you ready?” Mrs. Changretta asked after everyone had cleaned her up and gotten her ready. she nodded as she grabbed her bouquet of delphiniums and lavender. “Alright, let’s go.”

Kate was so sure that she’d forgotten something! Her dress was something old. Her bouquet was something blue. She hadn’t liked her mother’s veil, so she bought a new one and Mrs. Changretta had loaned her a hairclip that she’d worn on her wedding day. Oh, why oh why, did this man always make her so damn nervous!!

But then, she descended the stairs with Mrs. Changretta…and all her nerves and fears left her body at the sight of Luca Changretta, in his best suit with his back towards her. There were local musicians outside the open window, playing something on their violins as she approached. Luca, as if sensing her presence, turned towards her. Oh, that look in his eyes when he looked at her. That man, he was in love with her, so deeply in love with her. He placed a hand on his heart, as if he were so truly moved by the sight of her. She felt tears gather in her eyes at the sight of him. He was so handsome today. He hadn’t worn as much gel in his hair and it softened his face. He’d grown his hair out a little bit, so it reached the back of his neck, as if he knew that she loved to run her fingers through her hair.

When she finally reached him at the altar, she saw that he had tears in his eyes too. She was beyond humbled. He loved her so much. He spoke his vows in Italian, but before she got to say hers, he spoke some more in English, for her benefit. “I swear, that I’ll never raise a hand to you, you will always be safe with me and I’ll protect you with every inch of me. I’ll never yell at you, we’ll never fight and when we do, we won’t go to bed angry with each other. This is my vow to you.”

She’d barely been able to speak her vows after that. She wanted to kiss him, but the priest had stopped them. She spoke her vows with a shaky voice and her hands tightly clasped around his. Although he could have afforded to buy her any ring in the world, he’d bought her a plain gold ring, with an etched design on the band. Their names were etched inside the band, along with the date of their marriage. They hadn’t been able to marry in a church because of her being pregnant, but marrying in their house with the friends they’d made, was perfect. When they were finally pronounced man and wife and they kissed…she knew that she was finally home. He was her home, her life and he was her heart. She could barely wait to start their family together.

They’d all celebrated, danced and enjoyed the festivities. Luca, oh, she wanted him so much that everyone could tell by looking at her. He, wanted her just as much, he barely left her side, he kept kissing her, drowning her in his love. Unlike the English, the Italians weren’t as scandalized by people openly expressing their love, it was actually encouraged and she liked that. She knows that’s part of the reason that she was attracted to Luca. He wasn’t ashamed of his feelings towards her, nor, was he afraid to be vulnerable with her. He didn’t ‘forget’ her. He socialized with others and introduced her to people. They engaged in conversation and he always checked to see if she wanted him to get her anything like food or drink.

It was nearly midnight when they finally made their way upstairs to their room. She exhaled as they entered the room together. “Oh, now I can breathe.”

“For now.” Luca said, causing her to turn and smile lovingly at him. 

She knew what he meant. Luca had arranged for a fire to be lit in the upstairs fireplace. There were candles lit and flowers scattered on the stone floors. Tonight, promised to be romantic and he always, had the ability to leave her breathless after making love to her. She knew that tonight, he’d be slow and extra attentive to her. She loved it, how he took his time with her. She loved it all with him, whether it was passionate sex or making love, it was always good. Luca, preferred making love which she always craved with him. It made her feel closer to him, every time they made love, it was if their souls touched.

She pulled her veil off and turned towards him. “You’ll help me get out of this, I trust?”

He nods. “Yes.” Oh, he looked handsome. He’d discarded his coat, vest and tie long ago. His suspenders were down and he wore just his shirt and trousers. “Patience, my love.”

She shook her head. “You say that now, but,” she turns her back towards him. “you have, a lot of buttons to undo.”

He chuckles as he wraps his arms around her waist, cupping her belly with his hands as kissed her neck. “I’m very good with buttons, amore.”

She smiled as she turned slightly towards him. “You’re very good, with a lot of things.”

“Grazie.” He kissed her gently.

She moaned as he brought his hands up to undo the back of her dress. After several moments of tender kisses, she grew impatient. “Make love to me, Luca.”

He nods. “Halfway done.”

“No.” She shakes her head. ”I want you, to make love to me in my wedding dress.”

He chuckles and starts to move a little faster on the buttons. “Amore, I will do that on our first anniversary.”

“If I’m not pregnant again.”

He chuckles. “Amore, you look beautiful and I wish to see you tonight, if that’s alright. It’s been a while, since I’ve gotten to see all of you my Katherina.”

Ohh, he always got her to change her mind with his little romantic thoughts. She wanted to see him too. They’d both abstained from sex, due to his accident, then the fact that they were getting married and wanted to get things done as ‘proper’ as possible. Luca, had been killing her. He’d taken to working outside, shirtless and he’d developed quite the tan and a few extra muscles. Yes, she wanted to see him too. He was handsome, so very handsome.

She nodded and turned back towards their four poster bed. She exhaled as she rested her hand on the wooden footboard of the bed. He kissed her back and then carefully eased the dress over her growing belly and to the floor. She turned towards him and pulled his shirt off his gorgeously tan body. Luca, had removed the black hand tattoo. It had been a painful process for him, involving chemicals and it had left a burn on his hand, but he wanted to be gone with that life. He kept the cross tattoo though, he knew she loved it. Most people found it a little unusual, but he said he wore it in remembrance of his father and everyone accepted that.

After stripping her of everything that, she wore, Luca got her into the bed and stood there, looking lovingly at her as he removed his final articles of clothing before getting into the bed naked with her. Oh, he smelled heavenly tonight, of fire and rosemary. They didn’t say anything, words weren’t necessary and Luca made love to her as passionately as he did the very first time they lay together. She lay in the bed, perfectly sated while Luca continued kissing her, worshiping and loving her. After so many years of tears, she’d finally found love and she’d keep on receiving that love from the most wonderful man in the world. They were going to raise a family together.

On February 28th, Kate gave birth to their firstborn. A son. Luciano Vincent Changretta. His family name would live on and it would only grow with each passing year. She couldn’t wait to share every moment with him and their family. From here on out, it would only be happiness.

---

Author's note:

Ok, Team Luca readers, stop here and pretend the rest doesn't exist!

Team Tommy readers, advance ahead!

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Montepulciano, where they moved

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Elba, the summer house

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Chapter 103: Six, nearly seven years

May 16th, 1933, 

---

Kate pulled the ricotta cake out of the oven and set it in the open window the cool. She exhaled, it was a beautiful day today. Luca had taken the children fishing today for lunch and come back with enough fish for all of them to have. Surprisingly, none of them had managed to get wet while they fished, but it was a warm day today.

Mrs. Changretta had agreed early on in the marriage that they’d spend their summers together. She said that it was healthy for them to have a relationship without her being around for a few months. Not to mention at her age, she didn’t like the idea of driving 4 hours away and then getting on a boat. So, she stayed at their villa and socialized with her friends.
She exhaled and turned away from the window to see her husband standing there in the doorway with a handful of delphiniums in his hand and a smile on his face. She shook her head and smiled as she walked towards him. “What’s the occasion?” she asked. il mio bellissimo marito. (My very handsome husband.)

He shakes his head. “Does a man need an occasion to give his wife flowers? Especially when his wife is as beautiful as you?”

“Hmm, I suppose not.” She took the flowers from his hand before stretching up and kissing him. He groaned and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him. 

In five months, they’d celebrate their seventh wedding anniversary and what a glorious six, nearly seven years it had been. 

When Luciano was 6 months old, Luca did keep his promise and take her for two weeks in Greece. Oh, it had been a wonderful honeymoon, but she’d been anxious to get back home to her son. When Luciano was a year old, Luca said he was going to take her away for a year and she could travel like she’d always wanted to do. Luciano came with them to Croatia. While he enjoyed, Kate felt that they were moving around too much and it wasn’t good for Luciano, so they’d returned home. They agreed to no more long vacations, instead, every year on their anniversary, they’d go away for two weeks. Italy was their home and they both loved it there. So, he took her to Spain for their 2nd anniversary that year. 

The following year, 1928 they spent in Austria.

1929 was France. Oh, it had all been so beautiful that time. Paris was the city of love and Luca had loved her so much in France that when they returned, she was pregnant again. With not one, but two babies! She gave birth to Angela and Romero Changretta on June 20th, 1930. Angela, had been lovingly named in honor of Angel, just has Luciano Vincent carried his father and Grandfather’s name.

1930, they went to Switzerland.

However, a month before their departure, She and Luca had gone for a walk among their vineyards. there was a full moon that night. She’d asked him to make love to her, on the ground, under their grapevines. He’d needed no encouragement and she’d craved him. It had only been once time, full of passion, but somehow…she’d wound up pregnant. That, had been the ultimate shock to them both! On February 14 1931, little Luna Changretta had been born. She was born early, but like her father, she was a fighter and she came through her trials easily. 

Luna’s birth effectively ended all their days of travelling. Despite Mrs. Changretta’s claims otherwise that they could roam, they decided that their days of travel were over until Luna was at least twelve. 

“Is dinner ready?” Luciano asked as he came running into the kitchen.

Kate let out a faint moan and went to pull away, but Luca stopped her from moving back. He said it was a good example to show love in a marriage, especially in front of the children. Only once he was satisfied, did he break the kiss. “No, Luciano. Your mother needs help.”

“Oh, can I clean the fish??” He begged excitedly with his piercing green eyes that he’d inherited from both his parents. “Please?”

Luca chuckled. “Alright, but wash your hands first.”

“SÌ Papà!” 

she laughed as Luciano went over to the sink, climbed up on the counter and stuck his hands in the water. She kissed Luca on the nose once more. “I love you.”

“I love you too, amore.”

Dinner had been simple, grilled fish, risotto and broccoli rabe. Luciano had complained about the veggies while eating them, but then Luca pointed out how Angela and Romero ate theirs without acting like a baby, which made him eat in unhappy silence. But he perked up as soon as he saw the cake. Angela and Romero, even though they were three, were able to carry the plates into the kitchen without any incidents. Even if they did, Luca always laughed it off about the broken dishes and he always kept a fully stocked cabinet of plates.

After dinner, she’d put Luna to bed while Luca did the dishes with Luciano. Luciano actually enjoyed drying dishes with his father. They’d have their little ‘man to man’ talks in the kitchen and it was adorable to listen to. Luciano caught onto Italian and English easily, he was a very intelligent boy and Luca said he’d be an inventor or something like that. Luciano said that he wanted to work in the wine business, but he was young, children’s minds changed all the time. 

Luca had been able to develop a fine wine line, Changretta wines and they were in high demand. Luca kept the company small so he could spend as much time with his family as he could. He didn’t spend as much time in the fields once it took off. He hired an overseer and paid them well. He didn’t need the money, but it was still a good cover for how much money that they had. After the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre in 1929, Luca was glad to be out of that business. At first, she’d thought that he’d regret giving everything up, but she was wrong. He was happy, genuinely happy to be out of the business. All the stress and darkness seemed to wash away from him as the years wore on. He was a good father, very loving and attentive. He spent as much time with his kids as possible, never missed a meal unless he was away on business and he always called to tell them all goodnight and that he loved him. He was truly the best husband that any wife could wish for.

Finally, after putting the children to bed, she and Luca got into bed early. It was a warm night and they were both tired. “Six years.” Luca said quietly before kissing her hand. “Six beautiful years with you.”

She sighed and snuggled close to her husband. “I know.” She ran her hand up and down his side. “I love you, so much. Thank you, for everything.”

He kissed her deeply, causing her to moan. He exhaled as he looked down at her. “You want me tonight.” He said quietly. “I can feel it.”

“You’re tired. It’s alright.” She closed her eyes. “You can make it up to me another night.”

“I am tired, but, I think it was too much sun today.” he exhaled. “I can still give you pleasure, my Katherina.”

“Luca, it’s alright.” He drew her nightdress up to her waist. “Amore, I’m alright. You don’t need to---

“Shh,” he said quietly. “look at me, look at me when you come.”

She did. Nearly seven years of marriage had only increased their awareness and love for each other. Luca, he was such a loving husband. There hadn’t been many moments of strife between them, other than the occasional argument. Those, often ended in laughter because of Luca’s vow, when he felt himself getting too angry, he stopped talking until he calmed down. Luca, hated to yell at her, he didn’t mind her yelling at him, but he hated to see her upset. He’d hold a hand up and she’d wait, wait for him to put the hand down. By the time he did put his hand down, they’d both be calmed down and they’d either forgive each other or wind up in bed together, where they’d forgive each other afterwards. He, unlike most men, helped her with the housework, especially when she was pregnant. He always did the dishes for her after dinner so she could relax. It was a beautiful love and a good marriage. She was so lucky to have him. After Luca made her come, they’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms. 

The sound of Luna crying had awoken her, just around 1:00 in the morning. She’d gotten up and fed her, Luca had stayed with her, even though it was unnecessary. Luna often went right back to sleep after feeding and she had that night.

At 6:30 in the morning, she woke up to feel Luca holding firmly onto her hand in his sleep. She smiled. That wasn’t unusual. He always held onto her in his sleep. She ran her hand through his hair a few times. “Good morning amore. It’s time to get up.” This time, Luca did not rouse. She chuckled as she sat up. “I’m sorry, but we have to get up before the children do. Come on.” She leaned forward and kissed him on the lips.

Only to freeze when she realized that he was cold. His fingers that were around her hand were stiff.

Something was wrong. No, she knew what was wrong. She just didn’t want to believe it. “L-Luca?” she shook him. No response. “Luca?” Her voice rose as she started to get panicked. “Luca?!!” No response. “Luca!!!” She started crying loudly as this feeling of horror just welled up in her.

Luca Changretta, the love of her life, was dead.

She couldn’t stop crying. A knock on the door, caused her to turn around. “Mama?” It was Luciano. “Mama, are you----

“Go…get Mr. Marino!!” That was all she could cry out. She didn’t want to believe it, she couldn’t believe it! Luca couldn’t be dead! He wasn’t even 50 yet! He wasn’t supposed to die this young! 

Luciano did go get help, she just couldn’t remember much afterwards. Their neighbors returned with a crying Luciano. Mr. and Mrs. Marino arrived. Mrs. Marino and her daughter pulled her out of the bed. She’d held tightly onto Luciano while Mr. Marino, checked on Luca. Mr. Marino was a doctor. When he pulled the sheet up over Luca’s body, Kate dropped to the ground just sobbing her heart out. Luciano tried his best to comfort her but she was beyond broken her entire world had ended in one morning. Mr. Marino had his daughter get his medical kit and she’d been sedated.

She was taken to the guestroom. Mrs. Marino had fed her children and her daughter helped look after Kate. After notifying Mrs. Changretta, she immediately requested an autopsy and had been stunned to learn it was Luca’s heart! He’d unknowingly had a heart condition and two of his arteries were clogged! He’d showed no signs or symptoms, other than being tired. It had caught her completely off guard! Mr. Marino had assured her that Luca’s death had been quick. He felt nothing and most likely wasn’t even aware of it happening. She knew that to be true because she really believed that if Luca had been in pain she’d have felt it.

She knew that they weren’t supposed to return to England, but Luca had wanted to be buried in the family crypt and she’d promised him that. She’d used those fake papers that he’d gotten her, fortunately, they hadn’t expired yet and she returned to England with his body while Mrs. Changretta watched the children. Luciano had wanted to go, but she told him that he was the man of the house and he needed to help his grandmother. But in truth, she needed this voyage to grieve alone. When she returned, she’d have to be strong for their children and his mother, who had already known so much loss.

No one noticed her return to England and his burial had been private, only she’d attended. Apart from the gravediggers, no one knew that Luca Changretta had even died. After burying her beloved husband, she returned to Italy where she would continue to raise and care for the family that they’d lovingly created.

Chapter 104: Ten long years

February 1st, 1935

---

Ten long years.

A lot had happened to him in ten years. He’d done lots of stupid things and paid really harsh consequences as a result. One of the stupidest things he’d done was go out and knock up Lizzie. He wasn’t sure how it had happened, he thought they were both being careful, but he was wrong. He’d been f**king Kate in his head and managed to get Lizzie pregnant. He was a Member of Parliamentat the time, so he’d done the honorable thing and married her.

It had been a mistake, an even bigger mistake than marrying Kate. Yes, she’d gotten pregnant with his child, Ruby and as before, Charlie needed a mother. So, he thought, why not give it a shot? He wasn’t meant for marriage and his marriage to Lizzie had been especially bad. There were three women in this marriage and Lizzie knew it. Grace at first, but as time went by, Kate’s ghost began to dominate his head in the marriage. That had led to a terrible time for him, especially since he knew that Kate was still alive. He’d stopped sleeping with Lizzie three years into their six-year marriage. She’d come to him at night, beg for him and plead for him, but he didn’t have the stomach to even look at her. Every time he looked at her, she became a reminder as to why he’d lost Kate. He deserved it, he was finally willing to admit this to himself, he deserved to be miserable. Kate had done the right thing leaving him for Changretta. He remembered her lying on top of Changretta and telling him that she loved, while she sobbed and pleaded for his life. He hoped that she was doing well and that marrying Changretta hadn’t been a mistake.

When Ruby had died two years again, his already dead marriage was over. He and Lizzie had originally agreed to ending things amicably, but she wanted custody of Charlie. He’d originally granted that, but that was when he’d thought he was dying. He’d given away all of his money, blown up his house and allowed Charlie to go away with her. But once he realized that he wasn’t dying from tuberculoma, he refused to let go of his son. He’d screwed up so many things in the past and he wasn’t willing to let Charlie go. Lizzie had brought up every dirty thing of his past that she could to try and get custody granted. He hadn’t wanted to, but he’d been forced to play dirty as well. He produced affidavits of over 50 men who’d slept with Lizzie, including that vile Mosley. That had ended the court case and he’d been given full custody of Charlie. 

Charlie hadn’t wanted to come with him and had made it very clear. He knew that he’d been a bad father and a horrible husband, but Charlie was all that he had now. He’d left the upper class and moved down to Catshill with Charlie. He’d found Frances and offered her a job. She’d instantly accepted, he needed someone to help look after Charlie. Charlie hated him and he made it very clear to him. This was a second chance he had and he was sure that he was going to f**k it up.

He was alone in this world. They all knew that he’d never stopped loving Kate, he thought he could, thought he had, but she was the kind of woman that got under your skin and wouldn’t let you free. Kate, her ghost wasn’t like Grace’s, hers wasn’t soft and well spoken. Her ghost was angry, a sharp tongue and words of wisdom. Whenever he did something stupid, which was often, oh…she’d lay into him. When he pushed his family away, she’d chew him out. If he f**ked any woman other than Lizzie, she’d remind him that’s how he’d lost her. If he tried f**king a woman with a similar shade of hair to hers, she’d mock him, chastise him for his infidelity. So, he’d stopped, he’d just stopped. He didn’t have to but he’d given up the whoring just like he’d given up the drink. It hadn’t helped him any, it made him feel f**king terrible but it shut her up. He couldn’t take her voice in his head! He thought Grace had put him through Hell, but Kate had dragged him through purgatory!

Today, he was in Worcester on business. He’d concluded it and he was walking to his car, when he heard a woman speaking in Italian and her voice had chilled him to the very bone. He turned slowly, looking around for the woman and the voice. It was a busy day today, everyone was out and about today. She laughed and his heart nearly stopped.

He knew that laugh, he knew that f**king laugh. His heart slowly began to speed up with the realization. It was her, it had to be her. He didn’t care if he looked mad or not, he jumped up onto a bench, right in-between two people siting there. He ignored their objections as he looked around the street. He was mad, he had to be, there was no reason for her to be here. He knew that he had to be hallucinating, but he needed to find that musical laugh that had been torturing him for nearly 10 years!

Then…he saw her.

It was her, he was sure of it. She was older, but she was just as beautiful as she’d been the last time he’d seen her. His heart sped up in his chest. He didn’t see Changretta anywhere, which mean that he five minutes to talk to her. Yes, she was married, but she’d been tormenting him for years. He had to see her again, he had to touch her one last time and he had to apologize to her. Ten years was a long time to be tormented by one’s mistakes. If she forgave him, he’d be absolved of all his wrongs to her. He’d be free of her ghost and maybe, just maybe, his heart would be free of all the feelings for her that he’d never be able to shake.

---

Thank you, Mr. De Luca! Kate said as she stepped out of the grocer. Have a good day!

You too, Mrs. Changretta!

Kate waved before turning and walking away. It felt strange, to be called Signora Changretta and know that she was the only remaining Signora. Mrs. Changretta had died and tomorrow she would finally be laid to rest alongside her husband and sons. One day, Kate would be buried alongside Luca’s body and oh, how she wished that day was close. After two years, the grief hadn’t lessened, or it didn’t seem like it had. Mrs. Changretta had told her to find love again and to marry, but such a thing would be impossible. Luca consumed her every being, her thoughts, her mind, her dreams and even her body. He promised her years ago when he thought that he was going to die that he’d come to her and he did. She’d waken from dreams of him, to find herself reaching for him to only find it was a dream. She couldn’t understand it, how could someone love a ghost so much?

She remembered how she’d wanted to be left alone for so many years. Now, she was alone and she hated it. She missed Luca. Her heart ached for him and her body throbbed for him. Every Valentine’s Day, every Halloween and April 14th on his birthday she missed him the most. Everyone had thought marrying on Halloween had been strange, but Luca said that was the moment that love had blossomed for them. He said it was only right to honor that day by celebrating it every year. Oh, he always was such a romantic. Flowers would always appear on her pillow nearly every evening or at her place at the dinner table.

He was dead, but he was still her husband. She still considered herself married to Luca Changretta. She would always be in love with that man. She remembered when they’d first kissed that she told him that she could live off that kiss for 15 years. They had 7 years together and she could live with her memories of him until she died, but that didn’t stop the pain.

She’d have sold her soul to have five more minutes with him. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, that she loved him so much that it hurt to be alone without him. She wanted to be with him, she wanted to hold him, touch him, to kiss him, to feel him beside her. She wanted to feel his hand in hers, she wanted to talk to him, wanted to see him laugh, to see that crooked little smirk of his. She wanted to hear his voice, she wanted to hear him call her ‘Katherina’ again. She wanted to see him hold his children, she wanted to watch them all play together. She wanted to hear him talk to Luciano when they did the dishes together. God, the first time she washed the dishes, she’d broken down and cried right there. Luca had filled every crevice of her life and she was so alone and broken without him. He did the little things and he did them with a smile on his face.

Luciano, he’d stepped up so young. He’d dragged a chair into the kitchen to help her with the dishes after he saw her crying. He was now nine, turning ten in 17 days and he was starting to look more and more like his father each day. He had his father’s eyes, nose and jawline. Luciano missed his father very much, and he understood her pain. He helped keep his memory alive, she’d hear him telling stories of Luca to the other’s at night and it tore at her in a good way. The twins were nearly four when Luca died and Luna had just turned two. It was good that Luciano had the memories stored. It wasn’t as painful to talk about Luca as it was at first. They had family night, on the first Sunday of every month and they’d all talk about Luca. The house was full of pictures that they’d taken throughout the years. She never went anywhere without the picture of them at their wedding and she wore a picture of him around her neck in a locket at all times.

She couldn’t wait to get back to Italy. It was so cold in England. She’d sold their house in Elba, she couldn’t bear to live there after that, not after waking up with her husband dead beside her. She’d laid awake so many nights, afraid to fall asleep after that. She’d had to move from their bed to the couch downstairs for the first few months. When she did return to their bed, it smelled of him. Mrs. Changretta had stripped the bed and washed the sheets. God, she’d been so upset at first, but Mrs. Changretta had kept Luca’s cologne, which Kate could spritz on the pillow next to her so it would seem like he was still beside her. Mrs. Changretta told her that such grief was normal and that she’d reconcile with it in time, but she doubted it. Luca had been the love of her life and no man would ever be able to take his place in her heart. Luca would forever stand in the way of any other man loving her because his love filled her so completely. But she wanted him to stand there, she wanted his love to stay there and she didn’t want to know the love of any other man. And that was fine, after all the rotten men she'd known, no other man could compare to Luca and they'd be foolish to try.

She was so lost in her thoughts that when she felt a hand on her shoulder, she murmured. “Luca.” However, when she remembered that Luca was dead, she spun around to tell whoever had their hand on her to get it off her!

“Kate?” She gasped as she found herself staring into the familiar and somber eyes of Thomas Shelby!

They just stood there in the middle of a busy street staring at each other and she couldn't think of a single thing to say to him. All she knew was that she wished Luca was here and that she hadn't forgotten to take her gun with her.

Chapter 105: Strangers

She couldn’t move. She didn’t know what to do. She was shocked out of her mind. What was he doing over here in Worcester? He was NEVER this far away from his home! Maybe he was here on business. Maybe he’d heard that she’d come back to England against his orders and he was here to, God, she didn’t want to know what he was going to do to her! She had children now!

She inhaled and took a step back from him. “I’m not staying.”

“Kate---

“Mrs. Changretta died,” she explained, that old sense of panic returning to her. “her funeral is tomorrow! I’ll be gone after---
“Kate,” he said calmly. “it’s alright.” She doubted that. “It’s been 10 f**king years since we’ve seen each other.” Nine, actually, but she wasn’t going to correct him. “Besides,” he exhaled. “I was…way out of line when we last spoke.”

She nearly dropped her groceries, she was so shocked. “What?”

He cleared his throat as crossed his hands. “I was drunk, doing cocaine and other drugs, while trying to deal with Grace’s death. I took it out on you…and that wasn’t right.” He exhaled. “I just wanted you to know that and I’d like to apologize to you. I hurt you and you did right by getting out of that marriage as soon as you could.” 

She stared at him. This…was Thomas Shelby? What had happened to him!? Sure, it had nearly been ten years since they’d seen each other, but this didn’t match his temper. He was always so explosive, this side of him…it was unfamiliar to her. It was like seeing a completely different man. Unable to stop herself she asked, “Are you dying?”

He chuckled faintly. “No. That was two years ago.”
She frowned. “Two, years ago? I don’t understand.”

“No, and it’s too long a story.” He cleared his throat as he looked around the street, slightly uneasy. “Where’s Changretta?” she just stared at him. No one had asked her where Luca was before. The news had traveled in Italy. She hadn’t been planning to run into anyone who hadn’t known he wasn’t dead. He cleared his throat as he asked. “He here?”

she took a deep breath, blinking back tears. God, this hurt so much. “Luca…is dead, he died two years ago.”

He frowned. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” He hesitated before asking. “How, if you don’t mind my asking.”

She did mind, but the words just came out. “He had a heart attack.”

He looked surprised. “What?”

She nodded as tears filled her eyes. “Woke up to him dead in the bed beside me… holding my hand.”

“F**k, Kate, I’m sorry.” She wasn’t sure if he meant it or not, but he seemed sincere. She set down her bag of groceries to get a handkerchief from her purse. As always, there wasn’t one. Oh, another reason she missed Luca! He always, always had a handkerchief on him. “Here.” She looked up to see Thomas Shelby holding out a red handkerchief to her. She wiped furiously at her tears. She didn’t want to accept it from him, but when she couldn’t stop crying, she accepted it reluctantly. Thomas, suddenly picked up her groceries. “Come on. My car is right there. I’ll take you where you need go.”

“I’m…fine!”

“Kate,” he stepped forward and said in a low voice. “you’re crying in the middle of the street. You’re not fine.”

When Thomas put his hand on her lower back, she instantly jerked away from him. “Don’t touch me!” She snapped as her tears instantly dried up. “Don’t…you touch me!”

he nods. “Right, sorry.”

For a moment, no words were spoken. She’d probably over reacted, but she was wearing black. She’d told him that her husband had died. He didn’t have the right to put his hand on her. Not anymore. She wasn’t his wife. He didn’t get to touch her. She was Luca’s wife, death didn’t change that fact and she wasn’t going to let Thomas Shelby put his hands on her. They were practically strangers.

He exhaled and asked her. “What brings you to England then?”

God, he just had a bad habit about asking about all things connected to death. She inhaled as she said Mrs. Changretta had a stroke and died.” She cleared her throat as she wiped away the last traces of tears. “I brought her back to be buried with Mr. Changretta.”

“Oh.” He cleared his throat. “My condolences.” All is silent and awkward between them. He swallows and then asks. “You have a place to stay?”

she nods. “Luca and I had a house here, not too far. I’m staying there until the funeral, then I’m leaving England.”

“Kate, you can stay as long as you want. I don’t care.” He said calmly. “It’s the past.” It wasn’t the past for her. She still remembered how he treated her, how he touched her, the unloving ways that he’d f**k her like she was his whore. Yes, he’d apologized but that apology wasn’t enough to heal the years of abuse he’d put her through. It was a nice start, but she didn’t trust him. He exhaled and jerked his head towards his car. “Come on. I’ve got my car. I’ll drive you home.”

“No.” He ignored her and walked away with her bags of groceries. She shook her head. “Mr. Shelby, may I remind you that with out annulment that you’re under no obligation---

“Kate,” he said firmly as he opened the back door to the car for her and set her groceries inside. “I don’t care. You’re upset you’re crying, you’ve got enough groceries to let me know that you’re expecting company.” She wasn’t. She had children, four children and she wasn’t going to let him know that. She didn’t want him to know that she had children. She wanted him to get as far away from his as possible. He exhaled and gestured towards the backseat. “In the car, I won’t even come inside. I’ll drop you off out front and we’ll go our separate ways.”

She liked the sound of that. She inhaled and asked. “Have I your word on that, Mr. Shelby?”

He nods. “Yeah, I give you my word.”

With that, she got into the backseat and he closed the door behind her. They didn’t speak, except to give him directions. It felt so weird to be this close to him. He felt weird too. He felt different, he felt somber and she wondered what had happened to him in ten years to cause so drastic a change in him but she didn’t ask him what had happened. She didn’t’ want to invite an avenue of conversation between them. When he pulled up in front of the house, she hopped out of the car. True to his word, he stayed in the car. She could tell he was scooping the house and she made a note to go book a room at the hotel that Luca had stayed at. They’d be safer there than they were here.

She nodded at him. “Thank you for the ride, Mr. Shelby.”

He nods as he tips his hat at her. “No problem.” She turned to go inside the fence, when he spoke. “Kate, can we---

“Mama!!” Luciano came running out of the house, screaming. “It’s Luna!” Kate’s heart jumped in her chest at those words. “She fell down the stairs!!”

“Oh God!” Kate didn’t hesitate. She dropped the groceries and threw the gate open.

“Her head is bleeding and she won’t wake up!!”

God, no! No! No! Not her daughter! She’d had enough losses in her lifetime! She was not going to lose her daughter too!!

---

He had no clue what Luna was to Kate, but her entire body had gone ashen white and rigid with fear. But when Kate dropped the groceries, he got out of the car as she sprinted up into the house towards the little boy. He left the engine running as he pushed the gate open and ran up the pathway. Something was wrong and Kate was terrified.

“Luna!” He could hear her before he even got in the house. He followed the sound of her voice to the stairs. He found her kneeling on the floor, over the body of a little girl, probably 5 years old. Her daughter. she inhaled and called loudly. “Angela! Romero!”

“Kate?” she shrieked and looked up at him as he hurried towards her. Yes, he wasn't supposed to be in here but this was an emergency. “What---

“She’s bleeding!” He saw that Kate had his handkerchief pressed to the little girl’s forehead. There was a small pool of blood on the floor under the girl's head. “And she’s unconscious.”

He nodded. “Right, get the kid, get them in the car---

“But---

“I know how to move her.” He said. “If she hurt her spine, it could be bad.” He looked to the boy and said, “there’s a board in the back of my car. Get it and bring it in here now!” the boy didn’t argue with him. He ran out the door. “Kate, stay with her. I’ll call to the nearest hospital and let them know we’re coming in. Do you understand me?” she nodded. “Good.” 

He didn’t know what the f**k was going on, but he was going with it. He called the operator, told them his address and asked to be connected to the nearest hospital. He told them that they were coming in with a girl, possible spinal injury and a possible concussion. After confirming the address, he hung up just as the boy ran in with the board. It was almost as big as him, but it would do the job.

“Romero, Angela,” Kate was struggling not to panic. “I have to get Luna to the hospital---

He took over, Kate was clearly burned out and exhausted. He knew the signs well. She was talking to two identical children, around 6 or 7 years old. Jesus f**king Christ, how many kids did she and Changretta have!? “Both of you, out and get in the front seat of my car. Now!” He took the board from the boy and placed it against the little girl’s back. He carefully rolled the girl onto her back. She didn’t even stir. He then picked up the board with the girl, being careful to keep her back straight. She was light, as light as Ruby had been when he’d rushed her to the doctor two years ago. He turned to the boy. “You, get the back door. Kate, I’ll put her in the backseat, you get in the back with her and the boy. Keep her still until we get to the hospital. Alright?”

Kate only nodded as she stayed right beside him, holding onto the little girl's hand and talking to her in Italian. He had no idea that she was so fluent, but she was. He got the girl in the backseat and the hurried to get into the front. The hospital was only a few blocks away and he stepped on the gas, being careful to avoid any possible potholes. How had this happened? How had seeing Kate again managed to get him involved in the middle of a family disaster?! He made a note to call Frances and Charlie, let them know that he’d be late tonight. He didn’t know how he’d gotten involved, but he was now. Kate was alone with four children, she needed someone there. He’d failed her once and he was not going to drop the ball this time.

Chapter 106: Waiting room

“Kate,” Thomas said. “it’s been nearly an hour. You need to sit down.”

She shook her head as she kept pacing. “No.”

She was making him anxious, he hadn’t felt this way since he’d waited to hear news about Ruby. God, this was all bringing it back to him. However, watching it happen to someone else was strange, especially when they had three other children. Her son, the eldest boy, he was the spitting image of Changretta and he wasn’t even grown yet. He had his face and eyes, he had a bit of Kate’s hair, but he figured that it’d darken up as the years went on. And that boy was watching him with Changretta’s eyes as if he knew something was up, but not sure what it was.

Kate, she was pacing, twisting her wedding ring in her hand. She wasn’t crying, but she was freaking out while trying to keep it all under control for the sake of her kids. She looked so tired, the fire that she had the last time he’d seen her, it had all burned out. It was almost as if Changretta’s death had sucked all the life out of her. He remembered how that had felt when he’d lost Grace. Kate’s problem was that she had four children, her responsibilities were weighing her down. But she kept going because if she stopped, she’d break. He knew this, he’d gone through it before but seeing someone else going through it…he wasn’t sure how to process it.

“Kate,” he stepped in front of her and she tried walking past him. “look, you’re going to wear yourself out if you don’t stop this.” She turned and walked past him again. This time, he stepped in front of her and gently gripped her elbow. “Just sit down---

“Don’t touch Mama!” The boy said firmly as he got up, the height difference didn’t matter to him. That boy leveled a glower at him that said he had no problem attacking him. It caught him off guard for just a moment and he released Kate’s elbow. “No one, touches Mama!”

“Luciano!” she said firmly before saying something in Italian to him. The boy responded without breaking eye contact with him. Oh, this was Luca Changretta’s kid alright. Kate exhaled and told him something firmly. The boy shot him a look as he took a step back. He crossed his arms, not sure why he was having a staredown with this kid, he just knew not to break eye contact until the kids sat down. “For God’s sake,” Kate said. “both of you just sit down and let me walk! If I sit, I’ll lose my mind!”

He didn’t want to sit down, but he didn’t want to antagonize Kate. He exhaled deeply and he sat down on the last seat available, which happened to be next to her other daughter. Now, he liked kids, but being around this many as a time, with so many of them having Luca Changretta’s features, was a bit unnerving. 

“What’s your name?” the girl asked, looking at him curiously.

He exhaled, not sure why he was talking to these kids. “Thomas Shelby.”

“My name’s Angela.” She said before pointing to the identical boy. “That’s Romero. We’re twins.”

“Interesting.” It really wasn’t. He wanted to hear that the girl was alright so he could just get out of here. Kate’s life, it was complicated and messy right now. He was the last person that she needed nearby.

“Luciano is the oldest.” Luciano was clearly named after Luca. No surprise there, kid would probably want to be called Luca in a few years. “Have you got a little girl, Mr. Shelby?”

Oh, she was Kate’s daughter alright. Nosey, all seeing and inquisitive. He exhaled as he leaned forward slightly, grateful that his hat hid his eyes. “No, she,” he cleared his throat. “died, two years ago.”

Kate stopped her pacing and he knew that she’d heard him. “I’m sorry. What was her name?” damn, this kid could talk!
“Angela,” Kate said firmly. “don’t ask Mr. Shelby anymore questions.”

“It’s alright.” It wasn’t, but a kid asking was less painful than an adult. “Ruby.”

“Like the gemstone?”

He nods. “Yeah.”

“Papa used to call me his angel.” Oh, he bet he did. It was clear that she was named after Changretta’s younger brother. “Rubies represent unconditional love. I bet she loved you.” He was in hell. He was in f**king hell and he was being put through it by a f**king seven year old girl! “How old was she?”

“Seven.” He needed to change the subject somehow, he didn’t know how. He cleared his throat and asked. “How old are you?”

“Six.” She didn’t act like a six-year-old. She was a chatterbox. “I turn seven in June.” He nods. “Do you have any other children?”

“Yeah.” He clears his throat. “A boy, Charlie.”

He could feel those inquisitive little green eyes of hers crawling all over his face. “Is he ok?”

Ok, what the f**k had Changretta made? She was like some little mouthpiece of her dad! Wanting to dig into every painful corner of his life all the while doing it with an innocent expression on her face! “Angela.” Kate said firmly before speaking to her in Italian. It was strange, hearing Italian come so easily off Kate’s tongue and the children understanding it. They had Italian accents, but spoke English well.

The girl, this Angela, suddenly rested her head on his shoulder, causing him to stiffen and look down at her. He then looked back up at Kate, her expression, ohh; she had the sharp, warning eye of a mother bird on alert, ready to peck out his eyes if provoked. He held his hand up, showing that it wasn’t his fault. He hadn’t done anything and he had no clue why she was doing this.

“Angela.” Luciano spoke to her in Italian. Now, he knew how people felt when he spoke to his family in Romani. It felt strange, being left out of a conversation while he was standing right in front of them.

“Well, he’s sad!” Angela said loudly, causing Kate and Luciano to shift in discomfort. Oh, he didn’t know what to do. This, whole thing was so uncomfortable for him! He didn’t know what to do.

“Mrs. Changretta?” the doctor came out and saved him the discomfort. All the kids got on their feet and moved to stand by Kate. It was touching, how all the kids were so loyal and devoted to her. “She’s going to be alright. The surgery went well---

“Surgery??” Kate asked. “What surgery??”

The doctor exhaled. “I’m sorry, it was an emergency, I guess no one told you---

“What surgery?” she repeated.

“Her appendix ruptured.” Kate gasped and he stood up. He didn’t know if she could stand much longer after all of this and if she fell, he needed to catch her. “We had to rush and remove it. She’ll be alright though.” The doctor assured her. “She had a pretty deep gash on her head and she does have a concussion. There is significant bruising on the spine, but no damage. We would like to keep her under observation for a few days, but she should be good to go in 3-5 days.”

“May I see her?” Kate asked.

“Yes, but one parent at a time and no children allowed.” The doctor mistakenly made the mistake of looking at him. “Perhaps, you’d like your husband to go first----

“He’s not my husband!” She said firmly. “He’s not!”

He cleared his throat as the doctor looked at him in clear discomfort. “I’m an old friend of the family. Just happened to be passing by.”

“Well,” the doctor said. “it was a good thing you did. Appendicitis can be----

“May I please, see my daughter?” Kate repeated. “Please?”

“Yes, of course.” The doctor nodded and gestured for her to follow him. “Right this way.”

“Thank you.” Kate turned around and said. “Luciano, you’re in charge.” She looked at him and said. “Mr. Shelby, you can go.” And with that, she turned and walked away from him. Damn, that woman hated him so much. Yes, she had a reason to hate him, but it had been ten years. Surely, she couldn’t hate him that much.

“Mama said,” Changretta’s little double said. “you can go.”

He was silent, staring down the boy before stating. “Are you all going to walk home?” the boy glowered at him. “That’s what I thought. You all need a ride back.”

“We can take a taxi.”

“Why is everyone mad at Mr. Shelby?” Angela asked. “He’s helping us!”

Luciano groused in Italian at his younger sister, but he didn’t say anything more. This was going to be a very complicated thing. He wanted to talk to Kate, but, he didn’t know how. She wanted him gone, so getting her to talk to him would be complicated. Then, he spotted a nurse and knew exactly what to do.

He turned to Luciano and said. “Mind your brother and sister.”

“You’re not my father.” The boy spat at him. “I don’t have to listen to you.”

For a moment, he wondered if the boy knew that he’d been married to Kate. That would be one explanation for the venom in his voice. Or, maybe the boy like him, viewed any man conversing with his mother as a threat to his father’s memory. It was all a possibility, but he didn’t want to know. It was all too complicated. He only wanted to make amends with Kate and be free of her.

---

Kate inhaled as she ran her hand through Luna’s dark hair. It could have all been so very bad. She’d only been gone for 30 minutes. She didn’t even know what had caused Luna to fall down the stairs! She didn’t want to know, because if they were running in the house, she was going to lose her mind. She didn’t mean to be so protective of them, but she was the only family that she had in this world. Each child held a part of Luca, Luna she had his smile, that adorable little smirk. She had his calming strength. On nights when she’d felt really bad, Luna escaped her bed and crawled in with her. Never said a word, just snuggled close with her and peace reigned during those nights.

A nurse came in to check on her and she smiled at her. Kate cleared her throat as she wiped her eyes. “I’d like to have her moved to a private room. I’ll cover all the costs.”

“No need.” The nurse said with a smile. “It’s all been arranged and paid for. We’ll move her as soon as you’ve finished visiting.”

Kate blinked. “I-I’m sorry? Who---

She knew. She knew it. There was only one person on the world who’d do something like that. Thomas Michael Shelby. Only he’d do something like that! Anger just filled her. Who the hell did he think he was? She wasn’t poor! Luca had left her very well off. She did not need his charity!

She jumped up from her chair, nearly knocking it over. Luna stirred and she inhaled, reigning back her anger before kissing Luna several times. She made a note to bring her favorite toys to her tomorrow morning. She walked calmly from the child’s ward, but she half-flew to the waiting room. She opened the door to see that Thomas wasn’t there anymore.

She inhaled as she asked Luciano as calmly as she could. “Where’d he go?”

Luciano shrugged. “I don’t know. He said he’d be back.”

Oh, no he would not. She shook her head. “Come on, we all have to go back home.”

“Is Luna ok?” Romero asked. He was a quiet lad, Luca had predicted that Romero would be an artist or a writer. He said that he saw things differently than others did.

She nodded, feeling guilty for letting her anger overwhelm her in that moment. “Yes, I’m sorry. She was asleep, but, we can come visit her tomorrow.”

“The doctor said no children, though.” Luciano reminded her.

She exhaled deeply. “I know, but I’ll deal with that tomorrow. Ok?” they all nodded. “Let’s go home, I bet you’re all hungry.” They all said nothing. She exhaled. “Perhaps a soda or something, maybe?” no one was enthusiastic. She sighed. “We’ll see when we get home.”

Luciano walked up and hugged her. She exhaled and held onto him. “She’s alright.”

“I know,” she exhaled sharply. “it’s just….I don’t want to lose any of you. I love you all so much.” Angela and Romero walked over to her. “All four of you, are the most precious gift that your father ever gave me. I may hold on a little too tight at times, but, it’s because I love you all so much.”

“We love you too.” She leaned over so she could embrace and hug all three of her children properly. This was the only family in the world that she had now. They’d become her whole world.

They all walked out of the hospital, with Luciano and Romero alternating between opening doors. Luca, had instilled manners in them early on. By the time Luciano was five, he was opening and closing doors. Little things like that, made her smile in remembrance. 

That smile, however, came off her face when they came outside and she saw Thomas Shelby in his car, smoking a cigarette. That man had the audacity to look at her and state. “If you all get in, I’ll drive you back home.”

Chapter 107: Words and tears

She was going to explode. He could feel it. Kate was sitting in the backseat and it was like waiting for a bomb to go off. He could feel her eyes stabbing into his back. She wasn’t going to blow up in front of her children, but he knew that she’d lose her mind as soon as they arrived. She’d initially turned down his offer to give them a ride, but Angela had said that she was tired, so she’d given in. When that little white brick cottage appeared and he parked the car, he knew it was coming. 

Before he could say a word, she beat him to it. “Luciano, I need all of you to go inside. I need a word with Mr. Shelby in private.” Luciano asked her something in Italian and she nodded. “Si. Now, go on.” 

The kids all filed out of the car, the only one who bothered to say goodnight to him was Angela. “Goodnight Mr. Shelby.”

He nodded. “Goodnight.”

“Thanks for the lift. It’s a nice car you have.”

“Thank you.” Once all the doors closed, he said. “Get it over with Kate.”

“Excuse me?” he didn’t need to look at her to know that she had that brow of hers arched sharply.

“You’ve been fixing to yell at me from the moment we got in the car.” He stated. “So, just…go ahead and let it on out.”

“After what you did to me” she stated harshly. “I have a right to be suspicious and untrusting of you.” 

He exhales and says patiently. “Kate, it’s been 10 years---

“And am I supposed to forget everything you did to me?” She demands. “The things you said to me, the way you treated me---

“Kate---

“And Luca!” She shook her head. “You were going to kill my husband! You didn’t care that I had Luciano inside me at the time!”

“We were at war---

“No.” She shakes her head. “No, don’t you DARE say that you are at war! You had said, no more killing and that it was peace. But you lied! You lied, to lure him in there to kill him!!”

“Changretta,” he bit out. “would have taken everything from us!”

“No! I got him to let it go and he agreed because he loved me that much! He only wanted you to write a check as compensation for the lives lost! The money was going to their families!” 

“Are we really gong to fight about this?” He demands. “That I played dirty because I wanted to revenge John’s death?”

“You played dirty, he fought with honor! But, no, I suppose you’re right. It’s stupid to argue about that vendetta. But I still haven’t forgotten that you tried to murder my husband under a false pretense!” he begged to differ. That was war and all was fair in love and war. She exhaled sharply before demanding. “What do you want from me?”

Oh, she was onto him already. He forgot that she had a sickeningly sharp sixth sense. “I don’t want any---

“That’s a lie.” She stated firmly with a nod of her head. “I know you. You don’t do anything for free. If you think that because you drove my girl to the hospital that I’m going to let you f**k me---

he spun around to face her. “I do not---

“you’re jolly well mistaken!” She stated, her green eyes blazing. “My body, belongs to Luca until the day I die. It’s off limits to you, or any other man. So if you think---

“Kate!” He said loudly. “I don’t want to f**k you! It’s nothing like that!”

“Then why are you here!?” She demands. “Why are you helping me? You said that if Luca or I ever turned up in England, you’d kill us!”

he exhaled. “Like I said, 10 years is a long time.”

“I know you,” she shook her head. “it may have been 10 years, but you hold a grudge. I want the truth, no more games because I am not buying this innocent act of yours. Why did you help me today and what the hell is your game?”

He exhaled deeply. She was smart, he forgot how smart and intelligent that she was. He could lie and tell her the truth at the same time. “Two years ago…I lost my daughter, Ruby, to consumption.” 

She exhaled, her voice softening a little. “I heard that, but that still doesn't explain why you want to help me.”

He exhaled, shaking his head as he remembered that time. “She had a temperature of over 101 when we brought her in. She was so small… my Ruby. The doctors ran her in, took her from me…wouldn’t let her be with her.” He shook his head. “There’s no fight in you, when that happens to you. All you can do, is think of your kid, everything that you could have done differently.” He held her gaze, watching as the anger slowly faded in her eyes. “I remember…all the fight you had, that day…you were on top of  Changretta, between him and a bullet.” He shook his head. “You don’t have that fire in you anymore.” He said quietly as she inhaled sharply. “It’s gone. I know it. You’ve lost as much as I have and no one’ll ever understand what’s going on inside. But I do understand.” She dropped her gaze, trying to avoid his eyes. “You’re f**king burned out Kate. You’re still f**king mourning the man that you loved. I was there, in case you needed a fight. I already talked to the man in charge of the hospital, you and your kids can all go in and see your girl tomorrow.” She was silent. Just staring back at him with dead eyes. “I don’t want anything from you, other to make amends, but,” he turned towards her so she could see that he was sincere. “I know, I owe you a lot after everything I did to you. I can say that I’m sorry, but you won’t believe it. This, I can do, so, I hope you let me do it, Kate.”

She looked at him for the longest time, then, she just broke. Her face, it just crumbled in extreme pain. “Oh, God, I want my husband back!!” Her head dropped forward and she just started crying. His heart twisted, he knew this pain, he understood it so well. “I want Luca back. It hurts…so much!! I-I hear him! He-he comes to me in my dreams, I-I feel him, I hear him…he’s never gone!” she was sobbing violently and he knew that she’d been holding all that inside her. She’d had to be strong for her children and most likely Mrs. Changretta as well. She didn’t have to be strong for him. Her hand was right there, tightly gripping the back of the seat and he had to tap down the urge to grab that hand of hers and offer her comfort. “He was good to me.” Her head popped up and she looked at him, tears streaming down her cheeks. “God, he loved me so much…I-I still can’t believe it! I-I miss his touch, so much. His hands, he had the softest and the gentlest hands. He was so loving with me.” She hiccuped. “Every anniversary, he took me away for two weeks, we traveled and he was so protective. He always held my hand, even when he slept. He brought me flowers…all the time.”

“Kate---

“They’d always wind up on my pillow, at my place, most of the time they were handpicked. Never roses. Roses, were for special occasions only. Every year for my birthday…he’d buy one for each year.” Ok, Changretta wouldn’t be such an easy man to move on from. “He-he was such a good father, he loved them, so much. He did the housework when I got too big, he stayed outside the door for each birth and he pitched in. He kept me fed, changed the diapers and bathed them although he didn’t have to. I-I look at them…every day, and I see him. He’d always put them in bed, if he was away on business, he’d call twice a day after every meal to talk to them. He’d tell them that he loved them, every night. Luciano,” she shook her head. “they’d do the dishes, every night and they’d talk. Their ‘man-to-man’ talks. Romero won’t have that!” she shakes her head. “Angela, was his little Angel and Luna,” she shook her head. “God, she was his principessa and she won’t even remember him! He-he was my helpmate, my soulmate and I-I am failing him, so much!”

THAT bothered him. Kate, no matter what was going on with her, she never stopped fighting. This time, with Changretta’s death, she’d just given up. She’d died inside. He’d kept going, she’d just stopped and was moving through the motions. 
“You’re not failing him---

“I am such a horrible mother! I left them alone and I nearly lost Luna!” She howled in pain. “That would have been my fault!”

“It was an accident, Kate. You left to get them food. They’re old enough to take of each other. You weren’t gone long!”

“I should have, brought them with me!” She inhaled. “I-I can’t protect anyone. Luca died next to me and I didn’t even know it!”

He stared at her. Was she honestly blaming herself for his death? He stared at her. “He had a heart attack, Kate! There was nothing you could have done!”

“And you know that how?” She was shaking so hard that he could hear her teeth rattling in her head. “I was lying, right beside him and I couldn’t even see that he was in distress! It should have been me that died!” he stared at her. “I’m not good at this! He should have never picked me!”

“Right, now you listen to me!” He said firmly as he grabbed her shoulders. She let out a cry and tried to fight him, but he gave her a firm shake. “Look at me and you f**king listen to me!” She just stared at him as tears poured down her cheeks. “Men like Changretta and me, we’re not much but when we love, we love hard. I don’t know much about him, but from what little you told me, he worshiped the f**king ground you walked on. You think he wants you blaming himself for his death?”

“I could have done something---

“It was a f**king heart attack.” He stated. “All of us, we’re all of us walking around with a timer in our heads. His went off earlier than you wanted, but he had a good life with you. You got him out of the life, gave him kids, got to travel and he had you to come home too.” She just couldn’t stop crying. “I know, you won’t believe me, but that’s more than any man could hope for. Men like us, we’re not supposed to be loved, but you loved him and that’s all any of us want, to be loved. You gave him everything he wanted and more. He wouldn’t want this and you know that.”

He understood now. He understood why she’d fallen in love with and chosen Changretta over him. He was a good man, a man that had truly loved and treasured her in a way that he wasn’t capable of. In truth, he probably still wasn’t capable of loving her in the way that she deserved, but she wasn’t ready for love. Their timing, it was always off, it was like a f**king joke between them. He now saw and understood why Kate had wanted to love him. He saw her now and he wanted to take away the pain, take away from her like she had. He didn’t think his words were giving her much comfort, he wasn’t good at this but he wanted to try.

She inhaled raggedly as she croaked softly. “I want him back.”

“I know,” he nodded, he did know. “ and it’s alright. I still miss Grace, been nearly 14 years now since she’s died. A part of me will always miss her.”

“Does it go away?” she asked him. “It’s been 14 years for you. Does it ever go away?”

“No.” He shakes his head as he admits honestly. “But…it gets better in time.” She let out a long sniffle and wiped her eyes and nose. He didn’t have another handkerchief to give her, so she used the hem of her black dress. He wondered if she wore black because she was still in mourning or if she grabbed the dress from the closet without thinking about it. There’s a long silence between them, then he finally screwed up the courage and asked her. “Can we talk tomorrow, please?” she looked at him, her eyes swollen and tomorrow. “There are still some things I want to talk about. Things I want to make right between us, if I can”

she exhaled and said. “Tomorrow’s the funeral. My children didn’t get to say goodbye to Luca. We won’t be up for company afterwards.”

He understood that. He nods and says. “How about Sunday? All of you can come on over.”

She shook her head. “You don’t have to do that. We can talk on the phone.”

“We’re not so far away Kate. I don’t live at Arrow House anymore.”

She frowned. “Why not?”

He shrugged. “Blew it up.”

She stared at him in shock before asking. “On purpose?”

“Yeah.” She looked confused. “It’s a long story, but, Charlie and I live in Catshill now. Only an hour by train.”

She’s silent and then she says. “I always make Sunday dinner for them. It’s a family tradition.”

“Oh, I see.”

She was silent, then she asked. “How’s Charlie doing?”

“Angry.”

“At you?”

“At me, at the whole f**king world. He’s going on 14, what can you expect?”

she nods and bites her lip. After a few moments, she says. “If I invite you both to dinner, do not, make me regret it.”

“You won’t.” He promised.

She bit her lip and said quietly. “I guess, 5:00, dinner is at 7, but, Charlie may want to play with the kids for a bit?”

He nods. “Yeah, he might.”

She nodded. “Fine, we'll talk in private while they're outside.” 

With that, she scooted over to get out of the car. She kept her gaze downwards. She didn’t say a word to him, she just moved towards the gate and entered. He spotted the food on the sidewalk and decided to go pick it up. All the good was spoiled now and no sense attracting rats to the place, she had enough troubles. She…wasn’t the same woman anymore. He’d felt regret over her before but now, he regretted not letting her get close to him. He regretted that his actions had led her to Changretta’s arms, only to have him die in hers. She wouldn’t recover from that, not for a long time and it was foolish of him to even contemplate trying to form a friendship, much less a relationship with her! 

But the more her face filled his mind, the more his heart told him to go for it. He didn’t know if he could actually win her, but he knew that she was here for a short time and if he let her go ago, he would never get over it. He didn’t really have a plan, he just decided to let it happen. If it was meant to be between them, it would happen.

Chapter 108: Lost in memories

Two days later,

---

Vieni per me. Vieni per me.

He was in her, begging her to come for him. She could feel him deep inside her, filling her just right. He had her hips tilted just right, her legs were thrown over his shoulder, she was gasping, clinging to him as he spilled his seed inside her. She could hear his voice as clearly as if he were speaking right in her ear, right now.

F**k, I don’t want to leave you. F**k, Shelby was going to give you over to Sabini. What kind of sick f**k is he? He could’ve had this, could’ve had you. Could have stayed inside, this beautiful goddess of a body, but the goddess is mine!

“Mama?” Luciano’s voice made her open her eyes. She’d been so lost in thought that she hadn’t heard him come into the kitchen. “Are you alright?”

She nodded as she exhaled deeply. “Yes, I’m sorry. I-I was thinking about your father for a moment.”

“I know.” Luciano said, causing her to smile. “What were you remembering?”

Well, she wasn’t going to tell him that they had probably created him on this table, so she said. “When your father and I were first courting, he wouldn’t touch me, mostly because I was scared.”

“Scared of papa?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “I hadn’t had a very good experience with men, I didn’t know your father so, it was a little intimidating at first.” She smiled faintly as she remembered their second meeting. “I was mad at him, because he hadn’t talked to me in a week after taking me to the movies. He came over to see how I was doing. I was tired and painting. Your father helped me and we painted two rooms together.” She shook her head. “It was so much fun. He always made boring things fun for me.” She inhaled. “After we cleaned up, we went to the kitchen. Your father had ordered dinner for me and I got the plates. I hadn’t dried my hands very good and I dropped a plate.”

“Papa didn’t mind if the plates got broken.”

“I didn’t know that, so, I was scared that he was going to start yelling at me.”

“Did he?”

“No.” She shook her head. “Your father rarely raised his voice to me. He wanted to touch me, but I was so upset about the plate that he did something else.”

“What?”

“He took another plate and broke it.”

Luciano’s eyes widened. “On purpose?”

She laughed. “Yes, on purpose. He then told me that the plates weren’t important. He asked me to get the broom and when I came back, he’d set the table for me. He cleaned up the plates and told me to sit down. I was so embarrassed that I started crying. Your father, sat down next to me.” She could smile at the memory now. “At the start, he’d only touch me with one finger, he ran that one finger, up and down my hand very slowly until I stopped crying. Then, he held me until I felt better. That, was the moment, I knew that I could trust him and that he’d keep me safe.” She exhaled deeply. “There’s a lot of memories in this house, you may catch me remembering some of them.”

Luciano nodded before admitting. “I miss him.”

She nods as she wraps her arms around him. “I miss him too.” She exhaled. “When he died, I thought my world had come to an end. Fortunately, he left me with you four…and you’re becoming so much like your father.”

“Papa said,” Luciano said slowly. “someone hurt you a long time ago and it was my job to protect you when he wasn’t around.”

She sighed deeply. “The man who hurt me is dead, Luciano. Your father killed him.”

Luciano is silent for a long moment before stating. “I don’t like him Mama. Mr. Shelby.”

She smiles faintly. “I know, your father didn’t like him either.”

“Because he hurt you.” Luciano said, prompting her to look down at him. “Didn’t he?”

She exhaled deeply. “Luciano, Mr. Shelby and I have a very complicated background. We didn’t really hurt each other; we made each other sad. He’s coming here today, so we can talk about it. Ok?” he nods reluctantly. “He won’t hurt me, so, you don’t have to worry about that.”

“He touches you a lot.”

Kate laughs. “Yes, but don’t worry about it, ok? I can handle Mr. Shelby.”

“He’s not respectful either.”

"No, but he never was." She shakes her head. “You’re sounding more and more like your father every day.” He practically beamed at those words. “Now, why were you looking for me?”

“Luna wanted water.” 

She nodded. “I’ll get a cup for her then.” There’s a knock at the door and she glances at the clock. “That’ll be Mr. Shelby and his son. Can you get the door for me, please?”

“Yes Mama.”

“And Luciano?” she said. “His son isn’t very happy, see if you and the others can get him to play.”

“I wouldn’t be happy either,” Luciano stated. “if Papa had been like that.”

She shook her head. “Luciano!”

“I’m going!”

She couldn’t keep the smile back, leave it to Luciano to notice the coldness in Thomas. Last night, it had been interesting between them. He had changed a lot; he seemed…kinder somehow, which made no sense for Thomas Shelby. That man wasn’t supposed to have kind bone in his body. Well, he had honor about him, but, there was nothing kind. But, the years had obviously taken a toll on him. He was tired, his hair was beginning to gray on the sides and he was softer spoken. If those memories weren’t fresh in her mind, she’d almost swear that he was a completely different person. Many people had told her that they understood, but Thomas had been the first person that she’d genuinely believed. They both had people that they loved taken away from them way too soon. She, however had seven years with Luca while he’d only had two months with Grace.

After getting the glass of water for Luna, she went to bring it to her. Luna had been so miserable in the hospital that Kate had checked her out a day early. She did arrange for Luna to be transported here so she could recover safely at home. Luna was on the couch and Kate sat down on the coffee table. “Here you go princess.”

“Thank you.” Luna began sipping from the straw that Kate had given her. After a few sips, she handed back the glass. “Thank you Mama.”

“How are you feeling?” she asked as she set the glass within Luna’s reach.

“Sore.” She said quietly. 

She hated this. Luna was their quiet and sensitive child, Luca said she was like a fairy child. She was always the one getting hurt, her being born prematurely hadn’t helped things any. “Are you hungry yet?” Luna shook her head. “I’ll be making polenta later, maybe you’ll have some?”

Luna nods. “I’ll try Mama.”

“Mama,” she looked up at Luciano’s voice to see him standing there with Thomas and Charlie. “they’re here.”

Oh, that was quite the picture. Thomas clearly looked uneasy and Luciano knew it, furthermore, he was enjoying it. Charlie, oh, that boy had grown up so much and he was an angry child. She could see it in his eyes. He hated his father and she could only wonder what had happened in those ten years to make him that way.

She smiled anyway as she stood up. “Hello, welcome to my house.”

Thomas walks in, a pot of flowers in one hand. “It’s nice, Kate.” He clears his throat. “Charlie. Hat.”

Charlie shot him a look. Luciano, gave him a poke and said. “You’re in my Mama’s house. You don’t wear a hat in a lady’s house.”

“Luciano,” she said gently as Charlie took off his hat. “Charlie is a guest.”

“I know, but he should still respect you.”

Thomas cleared his throat and Charlie nodded at her. “Thank you, for inviting me.”

“I hope you enjoy yourself.” She said. “I don’t think you remember me.”

“I don’t.” He said coldly.

She nods. “That’s to be expected. You were very young when I left. It was kind of your father to bring you here so I could see you again.” Charlie rolled his eyes in clear disgust. She cleared her throat. “Luciano, why don’t you give him a tour of the house, introduce him to the others?”

“Alright.” Luciano nodded. “Come on. I’ll show you where you can hang your hat before we go upstairs.”

She shook her head and turned to Thomas. His hat was in his pocket. She shook her head. “Luca instilled manners into him and Romero as soon as they were old enough to hold open a door.”

“Clearly.” He inhaled. “Better than I did with Charlie.”

She nodded, but didn’t comment on it. She decided to change the subject. “What are the flowers for?”

“Ah, I heard,” he walked over to Luna. “that someone, got out of the hospital early.” Oh, she didn’t know if she liked him bringing Luna flowers. “Thought she might like to look at these.” 

Luna stared curiously up at Thomas. She didn’t understand what magical powers that Thomas had over the girls, but he’d already affected Angela, now Luna. She knew he was missing his daughter, maybe they sensed that, but it wouldn’t do to have him to try and fill that hole with her daughters. She saw it, she saw it when he looked down at Luna. They just stared at each other, as if they were both trying to read each other without talking to each other.

She cleared her throat. “If you follow me into the kitchen, we can talk in there.”

“Alright.” He nodded and turned towards her. She headed into the kitchen and closed her eyes, inhaling the rich scent of tomato and garlic.

She realized that she’d been lax as a hostess by not offering him a drink. “I’m sorry, I forgot to ask, would you like a drink?”

He nodded. “Yes, that’d be nice.”

She cleared her throat. “Right, the whiskey is to the left, right above the stove. It’s Italian, if you don’t mind.”

He shook his head. “Actually, water will be just fine.”

she blinked in surprise. “No whiskey? Funny.”

he shakes his head. “No. I’ve given up the booze.”

She stares at him. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“When and why?”

he exhaled. “1929. Polly, was shot, nearly killed and left in a bag on my door. Doctor was barely able to save her life.” She wasn’t expecting to hear that. “Things go so bad I couldn’t hear myself think. Turns out whisky is just fuel for the loud engines inside your head. So,” he exhaled. “I gave it up.”

This was the moment that realized that she was in the house with a complete stranger.

Chapter 109: Casual words

He forgot how big her eyes could get when she was surprised and nervous. Kate, had very telling eyes, it was impossible for her to tell a lie. They were so expressive and clear. It was almost like looking into the green water of a pond and resisting the urge to fall into the water. 

She bit her lip and said quietly. “Sounds like a lot has happened since we’ve last seen each other.”

He nods. “That it has.”

She hesitates before asking. “Did Polly recover alright?”

“Yeah.” He said. “She lost the use of her right hand, but, she makes due with her left.”

She nods. “Nothing holds Polly back for long.”

He had to agree with her. Nothing did. “Took 12 bullets and they still didn’t kill her.”

Kate stared at him. “What? Someone shot her twelve times?!” he nodded. “Why?”

“An assassination went wrong.” He said simply. “She, Aberama Gold and a war comrade of mine were to be killed as a message to me.”

She exhaled and shook her head. “So, you’re still in the life then?”

“Getting out of it.” He said. “Don’t have many more years with Charlie. I’m getting too old for this.” She nodded. There was an awkward silence for a moment, he asked her. “So, what are you making?”

“Well,” she turned back to her kitchen counter, which was loaded with an array of colorful items. “it’s Sunday, so that means everything has to be extra special.” He walked towards her from where she was expertly chopping up some tomatoes and throwing it into a bowl of greens. There were also olives, white beans, onion, zucchini and what appeared to be roasted red bell peppers. “I brought a wheel of parmesan from Italy, I’ll add some cheese to the salad as well. As you can see,” she nodded towards the table. “I also made bread and butter.”

“You know, you can buy that right?” he couldn’t stop himself from pointing that out. She was doing way too much work for a family dinner. “So, you wouldn’t have to work so hard.”

“Then it wouldn’t be special.” She said. “Every Sunday, after church----

“You went to church?”

she nodded. “Luca was Catholic, I wasn’t so much, but we still went as a family.” Her voice softened a little. “Haven’t gone as much for the last two years, but, the neighbors and Mrs. Changretta would take the children. When he was alive, he’d come back and we’d make a grand dinner together, eat outside in the fresh air, candles everywhere, Luca would bring the victrola outside and we’d dance after the dishes and all were done. It was quite memorable.” He nodded. She had a life that was unlike anything that he’d ever heard of. Almost sounded like something out of a fairy tale. Changretta played the perfect prince charming, helping her with dishes, housecleaning and the children. All things that he wasn’t capable of doing. She cleared her throat. “In the oven,  I have chicken puttanesca.”

He frowned. “Puttawhat?”

“Puttanesca. It means, ‘in the style of the whore’.” He nearly choked on his water. She nodded. “Thought you’d find that curious.”

“Do the kids know?” He inquired. “What it means?”

she snorts. “Of course, things are much open over there. People actually kiss in public.” He shook his head. Of course, the Italians were f**king romantics. Why was he surprised? “It’s basically chicken in tomato sauce which is served over polenta, which is similar to grits. Later, there’s torta caprese, flourless chocolate cake with cream and limoncello.”

“Limoncello?”

“It’s a lemon liquor, I make it myself.” She exhaled. “Had I realized you don’t drink anymore, I wouldn’t have bothered.”

“You made it?” She nods. He exhales deeply. “Tell you what. If this talk goes well, we’ll have a toast to the future.”

“No.” She shakes her head. “If you’re not drinking---

“I only drink to special occasions.” He said. “One glass, won’t break me.”

“You haven’t had my limoncello before.” She said. “It’s rather refreshing.”

He chuckles. “It’s that good?”

“Yes.” She clears her throat as she returns to concentrating on the salad. After a few moments, she asked. “So, what’s been happening to you in the last ten years?” he didn’t want to talk about it now. “You mentioned you had a daughter, so, did you marry again?”

“Yes.” The knife paused in her hand. “We’re divorced now.”

“That would explain why Charlie’s so angry right now.”

He nodded. “He wanted to be with her, I fought for full custody and won.”

“Who’d you marry?” he didn’t want to tell her. She shakes her head. “I won’t judge you.”

“You will.” He muttered.

She hesitates and turns towards him. “Did you marry Lizzie?” He nods reluctantly. He was right, she didn’t judge him, she looked confused. “And it didn’t work out?”

“No.”

She frowned. “Why not?”

“Like I said before…I never really loved her. But, she was careless one time, I made the mistake of trusting her, she got pregnant, so I married her.”

“But,” she frowned. “the two of you were together on and off for years. How could it not work?”

Because she wasn’t Kate. “You can be with someone for years and not love them.” He said quietly. “She was just there. We were married for six years, slept in separate rooms for three. After Ruby…things weren’t the same.”

She nods. “So, it’s just…whoever’s available then, right?”

He exhales before admitting. “Actually, I haven’t been with anyone for nearly five years.”

She dropped the knife and turned towards him. “Excuse me?”

“Haven’t had the time.” He said simply, not wanting to explain that he was too busy f**king her in his head to actually bury himself in another woman. “Too much work to do.”

She looks at him in shock before picking up the knife. “I swear, there’s still not an ounce of shame in you Tommy Shelby.”

He chuckled. “No. And what about Changretta?” He asked. “Any casual infidelity on his part?”

“Not once, that man loved me.” Oh, did this man have no faults whatsoever? What Italian didn’t do a little bit of romancing on the side? “I did catch a woman kissing him on Valentine’s Day.” He arched a brow. She, however, was laughing. “He was walking towards me and this girl, ran up and kissed him. Oh, he was so disgusted! He pushed her into a fountain, which caused an uproar until I got to him. After explaining that the girl who kissed him wasn’t his wife, they actually started splashing water on her and Luca kissed me in front of the whole crowd.” 

Her face actually warmed. Kate wasn’t typically moved by emotions, so again, her body told him that she was still in love with Changretta. She wasn’t as broken as she’d appeared yesterday, yesterday had been very stressful for her. Maybe, this was where she was. She’d accepted that he was gone, rather made peace with it, but when there were difficult days, she broke because she needed Luca’s strength. 

“I loved him, Thomas.” She said quietly. “And Luca loved me very much. There was never a need for anyone else.”

Clearly. He cleared his throat. “I can see. You both had a lot of kids.”

She nods. “Yes, we both wanted a family and…thankfully I could give him that.”

“How?” He asked. “I mean, you and I tried for months. George well,” he cleared his throat. “it makes no sense how he was able to, so fast.”

“Ah,” she smiled as she began tossing the salad. “George was impotent.” His jaw dropped in surprise. “George was able to inflict some damage, but, nothing that couldn’t be worked with. When Luca was with me, we saw specialists beforehand. We both had to give up drinking, certain foods and there were things that he had to do differently in order to get me to conceive.” So, it wasn’t as easy as he thought. They had to work for these kids. “Frankly, he was such a pleasure to be with that I never could refuse him. The twins and Luna were quite the surprise.”

He didn’t want to hear that. He exhaled. “I’m glad to hear that you were able to have kids, you deserve that.”

“Thank you.” She moved the bowl of salad to the table. “He was an amazing husband to me and a wonderful father to them.”

She said this several times already, so, he suspected that she was subtly implying to him that he could never fill Luca’s shoes. He knew that already. He wasn’t that kind of man, Luca was not a normal man. He was confused how the man that Kate described was ever a member of the black hand. He seemed soft, kind of like a wuss, but he knew that Changretta wasn't that. Maybe Luca never was that kind of man, which is why he’d given up everything to be with Kate. He wasn’t at the time and while he was getting out of it, he still wasn’t in a position to be a family an. He wasn’t sure how his time being a father to Charlie would go, but he was going to try.

He nods. “That’s good. I mean it Kate.” After a few moments, he asked. “Do the kids know about me? About Sabini?”

“No. Luca and I said that the past was the past. Luciano knows that I was hurt, but he doesn’t know details.” He nods. After a few moments, she said. “Luca killed Darby Sabini.”

He stared at her. “What?” she nodded. He was shocked. How did he not know about that?! “How? We heard it was---

“Luca framed him. He wanted to make sure that I got to America without Sabini spotting me.”

“He wasn’t worried about me, then?”

“He was always worried about you,” she said. “especially after you took me the first time. He always thought that you’d hurt me. He tried so hard to keep our relationship hidden at first because he’d seen wives killed or beaten for being unfaithful.”

“I wouldn’t have hurt you for that.”

“I know,” she said. “but, you’ve seen things like that in this world. You can’t blame him for being protective.”

“You’re right. But still, I wouldn’t have Kate. I swear it.”

“I know.”

He exhales and then asks the next question. “Did you tell him about what happened between us? Did he ask?”

She nodded. “Yes, he was my husband. He didn’t pry, but, obviously he had concerns, especially since we both wanted to have children.” 

He understood that. After a few moments, he asked. “The first time….were you crying?”

She shook her head. “Not because I was upset, but because I was happy. I know, you’re probably trying to find a fault, but, there weren’t any with Luca. I’m sorry to disappoint you if you’re looking for one.”

He exhaled and shook his head. “I know, I f**ked up with you. I admit and acknowledge that. I just…find it hard that a man in our business was able to turn into this …prince that you described.”

“Well,” she placed a hand on her hip. “Luca had two loving parents. Alfie’s mother died. The Sabini’s had two people who hated each other, your parents didn’t have such a happy time together. That’s the only difference that I can tell. He had two loving parents.”

It made sense. He exhaled. “Well, can’t blame a man for trying.” She shakes her head and turns back to the cutting board, where she grabbed a lemon. “What about the toothpick?”

“Matches.” She corrected. “And I did find that habit annoying at first.”

“At first?” he asked. “What changed your mind?”

“When we met in the garden, he was smoking.” She smirked. “He gave up cigarettes because I hated it.”

Oh, he really hated Changretta now. “But, you two only saw each other once, right, until Boxing Day?”

“Yes.”

“But he stopped smoking because of that one meeting with you?”

“Yes,” she said with a faint laugh. “Luca said that he fell in love with me the moment that he saw me and he started keeping his marriage vows towards me from that day.”

“F**king hell.” He groused, causing her to laugh.

There she was for a few moments. It was good to see her laugh. But still, getting close to her, it would be impossible! Changretta had raised the bar impossibly high. So high, that it felt like he was c*ck blocking him from the grave! Getting close to her, was going….it became an even more impossible feat. Still, the night wasn’t over yet, there was still time to get a little closer to her.

Chapter 110: Forgiveness

Kate shook her head. Ok, some of Thomas hadn’t completely changed. He was still showing signs of his obsessive nature, but in a good way. He wasn’t being overbearing. Thomas always was obsessive, everything had to be a certain way and above all, he had to be right. Personally, she felt some of his questions were inappropriate, especially her first time with Luca, but she knew why he was asking. A part of him was trying to confirm that he wasn’t the monster he’d been to her. She could see regret in his eyes and she knew that he was trying to make amends. While the merciful thing to do would have been to make it easy on her, she had no such inclination to do so.

“You can ask me questions about Luca all day Thomas.” She said as she moved to pull out the ingredients for the torta. “But he was the gentlest and kindest man I’ve ever known. Even when we fought, which was very rare, the fights were brief. He always made sure there was space between us so I was comfortable.” She shot him a look. “He always, always put my needs above his in everything and our children’s needs above mine. That’s just the kind of man that he was.”

“He was a member, of the black hand.” He stated. “So, it’s just confusing to hear that how he was with you, is a complete opposite to what he was to others. I know what he’d done, I have contacts in America, they’ve had quite some stories.”

“I know.” She nods. “He told me about them.”

“Such as him killing the mother with her baby in her arms? He took the baby somewhere, no one knows where it went.”

“The baby, was already dead.” She stated calmly. “The mother, had been sold a tainted batch of opium.” He exhaled and rubbed his brow. “You know the effects as well as anyone else. She was out of control and she slit that baby’s throat. Luca didn’t think of it as murder, he felt it was mercy because as soon as that woman came out of that and realized what she did, she wasn’t going to live long.”

“And you know that how?”

“You’re a parent,” she stated. “do you really think you’d want to live after you cut Charlie’s throat?” He inhaled sharply. “Luca thinks that the baby was crying, that’s why she cut the throat. She cut so deep she nearly decapitated the baby. He took the baby to a friend, swore him to secrecy at it would make him appear soft and arranged for the baby’s burial.”

He exhaled. “Well, it worked. Everyone thought he just killed the mother because she was an addict.”

“Probably scared the opium dealers out of the area.” She inhaled as she said. “The baby was a girl. They didn’t know the name, so, they named her after his mother.” She shook her head. “Luca didn’t let the darkness taint him. He was in it, around it, but it never touched him.” She bit her lip and said. “You’re both very different men, different backgrounds and you were also in the war.” He exhaled, clearly uncomfortable. “It may have been ten years, but I still remember what was going on with you at times.”

“Kate,” he held up a hand. “don’t. Don’t make excuses for me.” 

That was good, last time they talked he was all about making excuses. He thought that he was better because he hadn’t hurt her like Sabini. At times, she felt like he wanted her to be grateful for everything he’d done for her! He hadn’t done anything to her, not really. He’d gotten her to enjoy sex, but, his methods, the way he’d pushed her, manipulated her feelings…that was the unforgivable part.

He exhaled. “F**k, this is the part we’re just dancing around.”

“You’re dancing,” she stated as she turned back to the torte. “I’m listening.”

“Kate,” he said. “look at me for a minute.” 

She exhaled and set down the butter knife. She wondered if he’d noticed yet that she kept a knife within her reach whenever he got close to her. Sure, she was cooking, but she didn’t need a knife for everything. Sure, a butter knife was dull, but it would do damage if needed. While she didn’t think she needed it with him, he was different. She didn’t know him, she didn’t understand him as much as she once did and it was his unpredictability that had her on edge. He was unpredictable before, but he wasn’t the same.

He exhaled deeply and stated. “I am sorry, Kate, about how it went down.” She held his gaze, studying his face intently and listening to his words. Thomas, was a master at slipping a casual insult or excuse into the apology. “For years, I spent time blaming you, saying you were a traitor, selfish and a bunch of other things. But then, when I nearly lost Polly, I was forced to see things differently. Had to stop the drinking, the drugs and all that.” He exhaled deeply. “I saw things…clearer, almost like, I didn’t want to see what I’d done to you. I swore, I’d never be like my father…but that’s what I’d become, no matter how I denied it. What I should have done from the beginning was give you space, I didn’t. I forced you to come to me, forced you into my bed way before you were ready.” She nodded in agreement. “Not, that this was an excuse on my part, but, I was missing Grace. I had promised her, that I’d make her safe. Charlie would be safe, all this stuff would stop and we’d have a family life together. I lost her, seemed like all of that was gone. I didn’t want to marry you, but as time went on, I realized that I could fulfill my promise to Grace through you. I’ll confess….I didn’t care about what you went through. I thought of your fears and everything as inconvenient.”

She could only stare at him. He was sincere, but, this apology…was actually the apology that she’d been waiting for. He’d finally searched his soul and found himself in the wrong. “My main focus, became on keeping that promise to Grace. I didn’t factor you into the equation at all. The fact that we didn’t care anything about each other made it easy. I figured…as long as I never hurt you like Sabini and the others, that you wouldn’t have a problem with it. I didn’t realize…or rather, didn’t want to see just how hard I was pushing you. I’d do things to distract you, like I’d kiss you.” She felt the blood drain out of her face. He was actually admitting it to her! “You liked affection, you responded to it, so I made sure to learn what it was you liked because as long as you were enjoying it, you didn’t care what I did to you. And I should have.” Tears filled her eyes at that admission. He stepped closer as he stated. “I was your husband. I should have been better to you. What I did with Lizzie, it was unforgivable and you didn’t deserve that. I just didn’t see you falling in love with me and that…you’ve never seen me scared Kate. It’s unfamiliar to you. It’s not pleasant to be around and…I make mistakes when I’m like that. I shouldn’t have hurt you like that.” He cleared his throat. “Didn’t realize until later, just how hard it must have been for you overcome all that. With Sabini and the others, I wasn’t much better, but,….somehow, you had feelings for me.”

“But,” she asked in confusion. “I-I don’t understand. Why would me saying that I loved you, scare you?” he exhaled and rubbed his brow. “You’ve faced worse things in your life. That was a little thing!”

“No, no it wasn’t.” He shook his head. “F**k, I was hoping you wouldn’t ask me that.”

“Well, I did.” She said. “Because it makes no sense to me.”

He exhaled before stating. “It scared me, because I was in love with you.”

She nearly fell over in a dead faint at those words. “W-what?”

“Yeah.”

She shook her head as shock filled her body. “No, no, that’s impossible.”

“See,” he points at her, a smirk on his face. “that, was the same reaction I had when you told me. Hell of a time to tell me, Kate!”

“It just popped out!” she stated. “You were f**king me against a bookcase!”

“Yeah, I know, I understand that. Things get said during sex and that was one of them.” He exhaled. “Look…it was too much Kate. You scared the f**k out of me with your words. Then, I realized that I’d somehow f**king fallen for you in the midst of all the sex. Then, I thought about Grace,” oh, God, she saw it now. She understood it. “how we didn’t have much together. Felt like I was betraying her memory and everything. I didn’t think you really loved me. I knew it was temporary and I thought that I could turn it off. But that night,” he exhaled. “I couldn’t hurt you.” 

She remembered. He’d pinned her down in her least favorite position, the one that normally scared her. “You stopped when I asked you.”

“Couldn’t hurt you like that. I thought, that’d be the end of it, but you knocked on my door, wanted to talk to me and I knew, that if I wanted these feelings to go away, I had to hurt you.”

“So,” she said slowly. “you called Lizzie.”

He nods. “Yeah, I did. I thought…you’d get over it in time, things could go back to how they were. But they didn’t.”

“They couldn’t.”

“No.” He exhaled. “Then Changretta found you. I swear, I didn’t invite Lizzie, it was John.”

“I believe you.” She said. “John had his infatuation with Lizzie. But I’m also going to swear to you, I didn’t know that was Luca that night. He never told me, I had to figure it out on my own.”

He nods. “Around that time, I began struggling with the idea that I didn’t love you. That what I was feeling was temporary, but, then you wound up in the hospital and I started to miss you and your absence. I missed you from what we used to have. You were kind, warm, gentle and you had this sense of humor. I missed your nature, I missed the friendship we had together.”

“Sex too?”

He exhaled and nodded guiltily. “Yes, I miss the sex too, but, for the connection. There was never any connection with Lizzie.”
Oh, God. A thought hit her and she asked him directly. “Are you still in love with me?” he stared at her in surprise. “if I’m wrong, I’m sorry, it seems like you’re leading up to it.”

“No, I don’t feel the same way about you as I did back then.” She exhaled in relief and he smirked. “You can breathe Kate.”

“Thank you.” She exhaled, reflecting on his words for a few moments before stating calmly. “When I lost Luca…I’ve never felt such loneliness and darkness in my life. I truly thought that I was going to die from a broken heart. Even when I was married to George, I hadn’t felt such pain or anguish.” He nodded. “But I had my children and his mother, they helped hold me together. who held you up?” He didn’t answer her. “I didn’t understand that grief or that pain before. But I’d never loved anyone in that way before. I had never been loved like that before. I thought, you were being extra nice, but I didn't know any better. I didn't realize what it was when you're with someone who truly loves you. All of those feelings, it just went to my head, they weren't real. So, I was insensitive to your loss and I couldn’t understand it. Now, when I look back on it, it seemed like you tried to bury yourself in your work and things, including me.”

he exhaled. “That’s one way to put it, I guess, but it doesn't excuse what I did to you.” He studied her before stating. “I am sorry about what I did to you.”

She nodded as she admitted honestly. “I know.”

he frowned. “How can you? I haven’t even apologized to you yet.”
\

“I wouldn’t have let you anywhere near my children if I wasn’t sure you were sorry.” She inhaled. “But, I am warning you…don’t use my daughters to fill the hole in your heart.” He nods. “They’re mine and I will not be staying in England long. I don’t want to see any of you get hurt.”

“Alright. I know that's true, it's just...I miss Ruby. I miss the weight of her. Makes me feel a bit closer to her when they're around.” He exhaled before asking her. “Can you forgive me, Kate, for everything?”

she nodded honestly. “Yes, I can Thomas.” He exhaled in relief. “But,” he paused. “I do have one question. That day in the distillery…what made you spare Luca’s life? You’re not the kind to grant mercy, especially when it comes to your family. You were going to kill him, but something changed your mind. What was it?”

he exhaled deeply before admitting. “You said my name. you hadn’t said it in months.”

“Really?” She arched a brow. “That was it? me saying Thomas?”

“You didn’t say Thomas. you said Tommy.”

she blinked. She hadn’t called him Tommy before. That would have been the first time, so it would have made an impact. Addressing him as Tommy, was a privilege. It represented affection, feelings and she’d revealed that in that moment. A part of him must have known that if he ever wanted to get close to her again, that he needed to spare Luca. So, at the time, despite her refusal to believe him, he was in love with her at the time. And he’d loved her enough to let her go. “I didn’t realize.”

“I know. I don’t think you did either at the time.”

“I didn’t.” She exhaled deeply and there’s an awkward pause between them. She didn’t know what to say for a moment and neither did he. She exhaled and said. “After dinner, we’ll each have a shot of limoncello. It’s time to let the past go.”

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

“I do.” She said quietly. “Life’s too short to hold grudges. We've both moved on, we're not the same people anymore.” She tossed her hair back as she cleared her throat. “So, go sit down at the table and fill me in on what’s happened to the family.”

“Alright, “ he asked. “where’s that glass of water?”

“Hmm,” she nodded at the cabinet above her head. “glass is right there.”

“Thanks.” He placed his hand on her head, moving it out of the way so he could get a glass. She wouldn’t comment, he was making sure she didn’t get hurt. It wasn’t anything abnormal. The next time he touched her unnecessarily, she'd point it out to him.

“There’s soda in the refrigerator, if you’d prefer.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t like it, too bubbly.”

She laughs and shakes her head. Yeah, Luca was a family man, Thomas wasn’t. The two men couldn’t be anymore different, but that was all right. She wasn’t getting involved with him or any other man. Luca was still the love of her life, just like Grace was his, there was no room in their hearts for anyone else. So, for now it was nice to have someone who truly understood what was going on inside her.

Chapter 111: Parenting tips

“You cut Finn out?” She asked. “Out of the whole family?”

Thomas nodded. “Yes.”

“But, he’s your---

“I know.” He exhaled as he reached into his pocket for a cigarette. “Still, he wouldn’t kill a traitor and he threatened my boy---

“Outside.”

He frowned, confused by the firmness in her voice. “What?”

“Outside.” She said. “If you’re going to smoke, can you do it outside and not in my house, please?”

He smirked and shook his head. “Alright.”

 He decided just to put the cigarettes away. Kate, she’d changed, really changed in the last ten years. Regardless of his feelings for Changretta, he had to admit that his love had changed her for the better. While she was obviously missing Luca, she’d grown as a person. She was this vibrant, passionate woman and there were moments that she’d say something and it felt like he was seeing her again for the first time. Kate had multiple personality traits. She was vibrant and sassy, but, the warmth and kindness, it was all still there. It was as if Changretta had found part of her and brought it to the surface. She was, of course, very beautiful. Her body had matured, especially after giving birth three times but she was still one of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen. 

Kate shakes her head. “I’m sorry, I never liked the smell of tobacco.”

“So you settle for a man chewing on matches instead.”

She laughs sarcastically. “Funny Shelby, very funny.”

He shakes his head as her daughter, Angela, comes running into room. “Can I set the table, Mama?”

“Thank you Angel,” she said with a smile. “but I’ve already set the table.”

“Oh, ok.” She turned and saw him. She smiled at him, revealing a missing front tooth. “Hello Mr. Shelby!”

Before he could respond, the little girl wound her arms around his waist. He was temporarily caught of guard. He glanced at Kate, she was checking on dinner in the stove. “Right, Hello, Angela.” 

“How are you?” she asked, looking up at him with one green eye and one brown. She had Kate’s mahogany hair and good looks, but she had Changretta’s nose, which made her look adorable. 

“I-I’m fine.” He really didn’t know what to do with her.

Kate pulled a large skillet from the stove and glanced at him. This time, instead of a sharp look, she looked amused. He wondered if he looked as confused as he felt. “Angela,” she said. “dinner’s ready. Can you go and fetch everyone, please?”

“Yes Mama!” and with that, she ran from the room.

Thomas looked towards Kate and stated. “I don’t know why she’s doing that.”

“Eh,” she shrugs. “Angela has always been a people person. Always running around, befriending everyone from the neighborhood drunk to the grumpy old man.”

He frowned at the last part, and then he realized that Kate was obviously referring to him. He shoots her a look. “You calling me old?”

“Yes, I am.” She stated. “Your hair is graying now.”

He shakes his head as the sounds of footsteps running down the steps cause him to pause. It was strange, to hear the sound of laughter and children running house. Even with Changretta’s ghost hovering around Kate, she still made the house a home.  Suddenly, it all got quiet, causing them to frown. Kate set down the towel in her hand and moved towards the kitchen door. However, all the children were there, just walking very quietly through the parlor. Luciano, Changretta’s double was in the front. “Luna’s asleep.”

“Oh,” Kate nodded. “I’ll bring her some polenta later.”

“She been eating?” he asks.

“Not much. She's still sore.” She exhales as she gestures for him to go to the table. Charlie is still as sulky as ever. He’s becoming a rebellious teenager and he knew that Charlie was only to get to get worse as time went on. He sat at the head, as Kate directed. Charlie sat to his right and Luciano sat near Kate. Angela, for some reason at next to him and Romero sat near his mother. 

“May I say grace, Mama?” Luciano asked.

She nodded. “Of course.” Prayer. How much more could this seem like a family out of a f**king picture book. Luciano said the prayer, in Italian and he didn’t bother closing his eyes. He wasn’t religious, nor was Kate, so he figured that she wouldn’t mind. “Thomas?” he jerked as he realized that she was addressing him. “Can you pass the salad please, to the left?”

He nods. “Yes.”

He moves to hand it to Angela, but she says. “Starting with yourself, Thomas.”

He felt like an idiot. “Right.” He took a tongful of salad and then handed it to Angela. He wasn’t sure how all this went, but he was trying. Kate nodded towards the dressing, then the bread and butter. All was going well, until Luciano handed the bowl of salad to Charlie. Charlie, instead of taking a scoop of salad, set it down on the table without taking it. Kate and all the children look at Charlie in confusion. 

He clears his throat. “Charlie?”

“Don’t like zucchini.” He said as he took the bread. “You should know that.”

Silence, reigned over the table. He didn’t know what to do. Parenting, all of this was out of his depth. He wanted to correct Charlie, but at the same time he felt bad for not knowing that Charlie didn’t like zucchini. He didn’t know anything about his son and that was his fault. “Thomas,” Kate said as she set down her fork. “a word, please.”

Oh, he knew that tone. She was going to lecture him. “Yeah, right.”

He stood up and followed her out of the kitchen into the hall. She cleared her throat and said quietly. “I know, he’s your son and I don’t want to overstep any boundaries.” She inhaled. “But, I’d appreciate it if you said a word to him.”

“Kate---

“Look,” she inhaled. “I know, that things are complicated and strained between you. But he is testing you.” She was right, he knew it, but he didn’t want to admit it. “He knows that you won’t push him. I will not have him setting a bad example for my children.”

“Kate, he’s having a tough---

 “Your refusal to take him in hand is why he’s acting like this. Indulging in this kind of behavior will only make it worse. You’re meant to be a parent, not his best friend.” 

He exhaled deeply. “There are times, when I hate you.” She blinked in surprise. “You’re right, I know you are, I just…don’t want to make things worse.”

“Ignoring it, makes it worse.” She exhales as she says softly. “You’ve had to deal with far more dangerous things than a 13 year old boy. If you need support, I’ll give it, but you need to go in there and tell him to eat. He won't respect you until you start taking charge.”

He studied her for a long time and then nodded. “Alright. I’m not good at this, thing, parenting.”

She shakes her head as she gives his forearm a squeeze before walking away. “I’ve got four children, I’ll give you some pointers.”

He smiles inwardly as they turn and walk back into the kitchen. She was a good mother, probably why Changretta had chosen her. He had to stop f**king thinking about Changretta. It was hard, because everywhere he looked, there were f**king pictures of him! When he walked in the house, he was greeted by a large portrait of them, possibly their engagement party, judging by the ring on her hand. She still wore Changretta’s ring as well. God! He had to stop, thinking about Changretta. All the things he’d done with Kate weren’t going to help bring her round to him.

They walked in just as Luciano said. “You’re a very rude boy!”

“Luciano Vincente Changretta,” Kate said firmly, causing all of them to straighten up. “Charlie is a guest in our house. It is not your place to say something.”

“But you worked hard---

“Luciano!” She said firmly. “Do not make me repeat myself. It is not your place to say a word.”

Luciano grumbled as he picked up his fork and stabbed a zucchini. “Charlie,” he said, feeling like a horrible father as he sat down. “we, are Mrs. Changretta’s guests.” God, it felt weird to be calling her that. “She’s spent many hours in the kitchen, making everything for us. You will eat the food.”

“But I don’t----

“I don’t care.” He said, shooting him a warning look. “Unless you want me to talk with you when we get home, you will eat it or you will go to bed hungry tonight.”

Charlie blinked. “But it’s early! We never eat this early!”

“Then eat the salad.” He said quietly, not wanting to start a fight

“You don’t have to take much,” Kate said. “but I have younger children here and it’d be best if you’d help set a proper example.”

Charlie shot her a look. “You’re not my mum. So don’t act like you are!”

Her eyes widened and his temper flared. “Oi!” He snapped him. “Charlie, I’m warning you.”

“Or what?” Kate was right. The boy was pushing him.

“Oh, for God’s sake,” Luciano proclaimed loudly. “just shut up, eat the salad and stop being a baby!”

“Luciano!” She said firmly.

He held up a hand. “No, the boy is right.” Luciano stared at him in surprise. “How old are you?”

“Nearly eleven, Mr. Shelby.”

“Right, well, he’s older than you. So, he can eat them.” Charlie opened his mouth and Thomas said firmly. “I mean it, Charlie!”

Judging by everyone’s faces, he’d probably spoken a big harsher than necessary, but, Charlie was pushing his buttons. Charlie finally realized that he wasn’t going to tolerate this and grabbed the salad. The air was awkward and Kate spoke, clearly in an attempt to lighten. “I made a torte, which is like a chocolate cake for dessert, Charlie. You should enjoy that.”

“No thank you.”

Watch it boy. He warned in Romani, causing all eyes to go to him, well, not Kate’s. “Sorry.”

She nods. "I understand. Parenting is difficult sometimes.

“What language was that?” Ah, that was the younger boy, Romero. The boy hadn’t spoken a word to him once in the last 2 days. 

He cleared his throat and said. “It’s called Rokker.”

Romero frowned. “Rokker?”

He exhaled as he picked up his fork. “It’s a Romani dialect, spoken only by Romani Gypsies.”

THAT got a reaction out of all the children. He might as well be Father Christmas. “Do you know any gypsies?” Romero asked.
 Kate cleared her throat. “Mr. Shelby is Irish-Romani.”

“Are you really a gypsy?” Luciano asked. “Can you tell fortunes?”

God, these children were insufferably inquisitive. “My aunt is better than I.” Wrong choice of words. They all started clamoring for him to read their fortunes after dinner. He looked to her for help, but she shook her head, telling him that he was all on his own. After a few minutes, he said. “Tell you what,” he glanced at Kate. “if your mother says it’s alright. We can all go for a barge ride, up to the country, you all can meet Johnny Dogs and his wife…she’ll tell all your fortunes, can ride horses…meet some real life gypsies.”

Kate’s eyes flashed with a warning, but all her children started pleading and begging to go, just as he’d expected. She exhaled and shot him a look. He smirked innocently at her. He needed to get her out of this house, away from everything for a bit. That’s what everyone had told him when he’d lost Grace. Kate, she just needed time to relax, to breathe and see things differently. This, was the perfect occasion for her to do just that.

“We’ll see,” she said. “I’ll need to talk with Luna’s doctor, we can’t leave her behind.”

He nods. “Of course.” He also needed time to make preparations with Johnny. He’d have to make sure that Johnny told no one from his family that Kate was back. No one had spoken of her in years and he knew that the moment his family found out, there would be trouble, especially from Polly and Michael. The moment they found out that not only was she in England, but she was with him...everything would blow up.

Chapter 112: Games

“Ha, ha, ha!!” Luciano crowed loudly. “I win again!!”

“Not so loud, Luciano.” Kate said. “Luna’s asleep again.”

“Not yet, Mama.” Luna said sleepily from where she was sprawled across Thomas Shelby’s lap.

She didn’t understand this. Thomas had helped her sit Luna up for her polenta; she’d eaten it, taken her pain meds, only to lie down in Thomas’s lap. She’d watched him fidget uncomfortably at first, only to freeze when Luna placed her hand on his. His hand had been on his knee and Luna had rested her hand on his arm. He’d tried, he’d really tried not to touch her, but as the two hours passed, he’d broken. She caught him touching Luna’s head, gently stroking her hair but she said nothing. She knew that Thomas was a very lonely man and with Charlie hating him, he was even more alone. Her daughters must have sensed that, because there was no other reason for them to catch hold of him so fast.

Thomas glanced at her and she shakes her head. “You, and your ability to charm every female under 80.”

He snorts. “I wouldn’t say that.”
“Sure.”

“Wasn’t able to charm you.” He stated. “You were the one exception.”

She rolled her eyes. “Funny Shelby, very funny.”

He was trying to be cute and it wasn’t working on her. It was so cute the way he thought that she didn’t notice him using the kids. She wasn’t sure why he was doing that, but he was. He had a motive; he always had a motive. He could play his game all he wanted, they were still going back to Italy, no matter how appealing he made England sound.

“Kate?” she looked towards Thomas who was gesturing to Luna. “She’s out this time.”

“Hmm,” she stood up and reached for Luna. “I’ll put her to bed.”

“I’ve got her.” He said as he carefully lifted her up into his arms. She had to admit that the sight of Thomas Shelby with a child in his arms was an unusual sight. Attractive, but unusual. It was always that way when a gangster held a child in his arms. Well, not Luca. Luca had looked like a father from the moment he held Luciano in his arms. Thomas looked like a man who was confronted with fatherhood and unsure about how to handle it. “Where’s her room?”

“Upstairs, follow me.”

“I’ll come too!” Luciano said as he got to his feet.

Kate shook her head. “No, stay and finish playing checkers with Charlie.”

“But you shouldn’t be alone with him!”

Oh, he was a adorable when he was being protective and proper, but still, her authority couldn’t be questioned. “I’m fine, Luciano. It’s alright.”

“But---

Kate arches a brow. “Luciano Vincent Changretta! I know your father asked you to take care of me, but you have to stop questioning me. Just play your game and we’ll be back in five minutes. Understand?” Luciano nodded and let out a huff before sitting back down at the checkers table. She shook her head before turning to Thomas. “Right, follow me please.” 
He nodded and walked up the stairs behind her. It’s silent between them until they reached the top of the stairs. “I used to be the same way with my mom.” He said. “He’ll grow out of it in time.”

She chuckles and nods. “He can be protective all he wants, just not hover. His father could be protective, but not question every move I make or breath I take. He’s also a child, so, he needs a reminder of that every once in a while.”

He shakes his head. “You’re a hard woman Kate Changretta.”

She rolls her eyes. “Don’t make me comment on your parenting skills, or shall I say, lacking parental skills.”

He shakes his head. “Fair point, Kate. Fair point.”

She opened the door to the girl’s room and pulled the cover’s back to Luna’s bed. Thomas moved very gently and set Luna down into the bed. She exhaled and pulled off her little socks before pulling the covers up to her chin. She brushes her hair back from her face and kisses her. “Sleep well Principessa.”

With that, they walked out of the room and Kate closed the door behind her. He nods and says quietly. “She’s so small.”

She nods. “She was born a few months too early. She’s always been really fragile, but she’s a fighter.” 

He nods as he walks down the stairs, leading the way. “So, I’ll talk with Johnny. See when’d be a good time for you all to come on over for a visit.”

“Mhmm, and you just happened to think of this?” she inquired. “I’m not staying long.”

“I know.” He turned towards her at the foot of the steps. “That’s why, we should probably do this as soon as possible.” 

She nods. “I suppose, but I’m warning you, no funny business.”

“No games Kate,” he said with a seemingly innocent look on his face. “all business Kate.” As he walked away from her, she was 100% sure that he had something up his sleeve, she just didn’t know what it was.

---

One week later.

---

“You wanna f**k?”

Kate went stiff as a pole and she turned towards him, shock spreading across her face. “Excuse me?”

“You give up?” he asked. She looked confused and he clarified. “You haven’t caught a fish yet. I see you put the pole down.”

She exhaled in relief and let out a shaky laugh. “You and your accent. I was so lost in my thoughts that I thought you said something else.”

He had, but he knew that she was so lost in her own thoughts out that she wouldn’t have heard him properly. “Like what?”

“None of your business!” She shook her head before asking. “Who’s steering the barge?”

“Luciano and Romero.” He said simply as he knelt and sat down beside her. Kate sat with her bare feet over the edge, like a child. Angela and Luna were down below, exploring every inch of the boat. “They got the hang of it pretty quick.”

She nods and then asks. “How’s Charlie doing?”

“He’s alright.”

“He didn’t want to come?”

“No.” He exhaled deeply as he looked out over the water. “He’s been angry, since I took custody.”

“He wanted to stay with Lizzie?”

“Yeah.” He nodded as he reached into his pocket for a cigarette. “Can’t say as I blame him.”

“You’re trying.” She points out. “Which is good.”

“Feels like I’m failing him.”

“All parents feel that way.” She says softly. “I feel that way all the time.”

He snorts and rolls his eyes. “You’ve got four f**king kids----

“Language.” He looked at her questioningly. “I know, they’re not close by but it’d be a shame if I had to wash your mouth out with soap for swearing.”

He shakes his head and turns back to look out a the water. “All your kids love you. The one I have, hates me and I lost the one that did love me.”

She exhaled deeply before asking. “You never said, how did the divorce go with Lizzie?"
“Badly.” He lifted his cigarette to his lips. “She wanted full custody of Charlie and I wound up, providing affidavits of at least 50 men who’d slept with her, including Oswald Mosley.”

She shoots him a look. “That was a little tacky, Thomas.”

“Yeah well,” he exhaled deeply. “she was a bigger headache than you. Wanted to end it quickly.”

“Has Charlie see her?”

“Not since she tried to file for custody.”

She hesitates before asking. “Have you let her see him?”

“No.” She bit her lip and nodded. She didn’t say anything, but, he could feel it. “What?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“I can feel it Kate. What is it?”

She exhaled deeply and said. “She took care of Charlie for six years. He must miss her.” He didn’t care. “Perhaps, you could let them talk once in a while. Might help him not hate you for estranging him from someone who was there for him.” He said nothing. “He lost Grace, I left him and now, he’s lost Lizzie. Might be good to let him have a connection. Talk to Lizzie beforehand, see if she’d be agreeable to working things out with you.”

He shakes his head and states. “Not everyone’s like you Kate. I know, I made it difficult, but you were always trying.” He exhaled. “I hurt Lizzie…she waited to stick it to me and she did.”

She exhaled and asked. “Do I want to know how you hurt her?”

“Not physically.” He shook his head. “There’s another war coming and we’re doing our best to stay ahead of it. I was under orders to get close to this one man. He had a mistress and things wouldn’t go ahead without her say so.”

“Oh, God.” Kate groaned and buried her face in her hand. “You didn’t.”

“Yeah.”

She shook her head and exhaled. “Well, I could say I felt sorry for her, but, what goes around comes around.”

He nods. “Yeah.” There’s a long silence between them and he asks her the one question that’s been on his mind. “How long will you stay?”

She sighs. “I don’t know, we don’t have our return tickets yet.”

His heart rose in his chest at those words. “You don’t?” She was unclear about when to return. That was good.

“No.” She exhaled. “I had to get a refund after Luna’s operation.”

Oh, he couldn’t f**k this up. He couldn’t. He inhaled before asking her. “Why don’t all of you stay for the summer?”

Chapter 113: Pains of parenting

“Stay the summer?” Kate asked, not sure she’d heard Thomas correctly. “That’s what you said?”

he nodded as if it weren’t a big deal. “Yes.”

She shook her head as she reminded him. “Thomas, today is the 10th. Luna’s birthday is in four days.”

He frowned. “She was born on Valentine’s Day? How the f**k did you and Changretta manage that?”

“That’s private, Shelby.” She stated. “And believe me, you couldn’t have managed it!” His brow rose in indignation. Thomas NEVER liked his sexual prowess being questioned. Thomas was so very good at sex and f**king but making love…not so much. “Furthermore, Luciano will be turning 11 in eighteen days! I was hoping to be back home in time for his birthday at least! Furthermore, after his birthday, it’ll be spring come March.”

“And?”

he didn’t get it. He really didn’t get it. “You’re asking me to stay till August! That’s nearly 6 months you’re asking me to stay!”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Why?” She asks. “Italy has been my home for 10 years. I have a beautiful home.”
“Kate,” he said patiently. “not to worry you, but based on what I know…it might be a good idea to have them get familiar with England.”

She did worry, the moment he said that. “What do you know that I don’t know?”
He exhaled and said. “I’m predicting, that in less than 5 years time…there’s going to be another war.” She stared at him. I don’t know how safe Italy will be, I confess that I’ve not thought about Italy. As long as Changretta was alive, you’d be safe. But he’s not. Italy, may not be a safe place for you and your four children. You may want to consider coming back.”

She stared at him. She hadn’t expected to hear that. However, she suspected that he was right. Mussolini had taken over Italy in 1925. She had been afforded an extra degree of protection, but things were changing. There were rumors that he was friends with that dictator from Germany. Adolph Hitler. She’d heard things about a camp called Dachau. Germany was becoming a very dangerous sounding place. If those two formed an alliance…things could get very dangerous for them in

Italy. 

She inhaled and asked. “You’re sure?”

He nods. “You know that I know things Kate. I was a Member of Parliament for several years I know things that won’t be available to the general public.”

She bites her lip and nodded. He had a point. She exhaled reluctantly. “Fair point.”

“Also,” he cleared his throat. “things…are bit easier when you’re around, especially with Charlie.” She crossed her arms and looked at him in surprise. What had happened to suddenly make him so honest? “His birthday is coming up, May 14th. Might be a bit easier if you and the kids were around.”

She inhaled. “Thomas, you can’t use me to make things easier between you and Charlie. That’s for you to do.”

“Yeah, I know, it’s just,” he exhaled reluctantly. “you make things, easier to see.”
She shook her head before stating. “I hate it when you do that.”

He frowned. “Do what?”

“Say things like that.” She says. “I know, that you keep things to yourself, so when you actually say things like that, I know it’s difficult for you, so therefore it has to be true.”

“Meaning?” he asks.

She exhales. “I need to think on it. Then, I’ll have to discuss it with the children as well.”

“As you like to say, you’re the parent. Why discuss this with them?”

“This is different. This is a drastic change in their life, not manners. Luciano, Angela and Romero would also be missing out on school far longer than I planned.” She shakes her head. “I swear to God, I’m going to have recommend some parenting books for you, Thomas Shelby.”

“Never said I was cut out for this.”

“I know that.” She exhaled deeply. “I know you want to be a good father, you just haven’t taken the time to be a good father.”

He was silent and she knew that she’d angered him. “He’s gotten far more from me,” he said tightly. “than I ever did from my father.”

“That he has.” She said. “I’m sure it’s the same as it was with me. You can give us everything under the sun, but if you give nothing of yourself,” she placed her hand on his shoulder as she moved to stand up. “all that money is f**king worthless.”

He jolted in surprise. He knew that she didn’t swear, but she did it to make a point. Thomas, he had a bizarre idea of what people truly valued. It was if he expected people to value money over love. He didn’t love and frankly, she was unsure that he even knew how to love in the real sense. It was good that he was trying, but he couldn’t understand a damn thing. She shook her head and held her breath as she walked to the back of the barge where Luciano and Romero were steering the boat.

“Who’s hungry?” she asked, prompting Angela to run up and Luna to hobble up after her. She was moving better, but it would take another two weeks for her to get back to her normal self.

“ME!!” All the children shouted, except for Luna.

She laughed and went down below to get the two picnic baskets. She probably brought too much, but Thomas said there was a stove on board that she could use. It was already going, so she put the pot of minestrone soup on top of the one burner. She’d brought bread and cheese, which she began to slice up. Thomas had said there’d be food there, but it was a 2-hour trip up the river and they’d gotten a late start. They’d have leave a little early to get back before dark. She hadn’t see Johnny Dogs in years, she hoped that there wasn’t anything awkward about seeing him again.

She put the sliced bread, cheese and grape tomatoes on a plate, then she began adding some chunks of pepperoni to the plate. It was a little spicy, but Thomas should be able to handle it. Pepperoni was an American treat that she and Luca loved. His uncle routinely sent them several pounds of pepperoni and their whole family loved it. She didn’t have room enough for a kettle, but she brought some peach sodas as a treat. 

When she came up, she saw Thomas holding Luna in his arms. He was pointing at something in the distance and explaining it to her. Luna, had her head on his shoulder and her legs wrapped around his waist. For a moment, Kate stood there and imaged that it was Luca holding her. It wasn’t right that Thomas was holding her, but he couldn’t be blamed for her feelings. He was just being nice, he wasn’t asking anything from her and both her girls just gravitated towards him.

She cleared her throat. “I’ve got some starters!” everyone raced towards her, except for Luna. Thomas went to take the boys place steering. He talked with Luna, who shook her head and wrapped her arms tighter around his neck. She swallowed and approached to take her. “Hey Luna,” she could have sworn that those little arms got tighter around his neck. “it’s time for lunch.”

“I’m not hungry.” She said quietly.

“Oh,” she placed her hand on her brow. She wasn’t warm, so, maybe she was just tired. “are you tired?”

“Luna,” Thomas croaked out. “not so tight.” Luna loosened her grip and he nodded. “Thank you. Why don’t you go to your mother now?”

“I’ll stay here.”

Kate blinked past the pain of those words. Luna, somehow within two visits had gotten attached to Thomas. Possibly because he’d helped save her life, but, she couldn’t have known that. “Luna, Mr. Shelby can’t hold you all day. Come on down.”

Luna pouted and said in a quiet voice. “I don’t want to.”

Those words were like a stab in the back. It wasn’t Thomas’s fault. It wasn’t Luna’s, not really, she was too young to remember her father. She was probably missing a father in her life and Thomas was as close as she could get. She knew and understood that, but it still hurt.

“Kate,” he said quietly. “she’s not that heavy. It’s alright. You go ahead and do lunch. Once the boys are done, we’ll trade off and we’ll eat.”

She nods and croaks. “Alright.” She turns and makes it back down the stairs, barely able to hold back the tears. It wasn’t supposed to hurt, but it did hurt. It hurt so much.

---

“Tommy!” Thomas jerked at the sound of Johnny Dog’s voice. He was lost in thought again, he hadn’t heard Johnny.

Kate had been upset to see Luna hold onto him. He didn’t blame her. He could see that she wished that it had been Luca standing there instead of him. He didn’t know why this girl had gotten attached to him so quickly and his heart was now questioning the idea of asking Kate to stay till the summer. He didn’t know what it was about this girl. Yes, Angela was attached too, but Luna, it was different. She wouldn’t let him go. She kept touching him, especially the scar on his cheeks. This girl, was so sweet and so fragile, he was almost afraid that she’d break if he didn’t hold her right. 

“Tom!” 

he exhaled and looked to Johnny. “What?”

“Shesh,” Johnny said with feigned annoyance. “ten years and you’re still carrying a f**king torch for her?”

he shakes his head, tamping down any emotions. “No torch Johnny, no fires either, they’re all out.”

“They were,” he stated. “then you come swanning into camp with her and four other kids. Four Tom!”

he nods. “I know, Johnny.”

Johnny shakes his head. “Whatcha gonna do Tom?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Johnny shakes his head as he follows Tommy’s gaze to where Kate’s getting her palm read by Johnny's wife. The girls are sitting there, laughing and Luciano is playing with some of Johnny's children. Romero was last seen getting a drink of water. “I don’t believe you Tom. You look at her like she’s still the girl you bought the horse for, all those years ago.”

He shakes his head, watching as Kate brushes back Luna’s hair. “She’s not ready Johnny, not yet.”

“Yes, but who’s to say you two won’t try again? You both were married to each other once before, maybe this time, the two of you will actually stay f**king married.”

A thud caused them both to turn around. His heart stopped dead in his chest as he realized, that Romero Changretta, had heard every word they’d said.

Chapter 114: Picnic from Hell

He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to say. Romero just stood there, staring at him, his dark brown eyes taking in what he’d just heard. “Thanks, Johnny.” He said tightly as he struggled to come up with an explanation, but was drawing a blank.

BANG!!

That was a gunshot!

“AAAHHHHH!” That was Kate, she was screaming. Oh, f**k!! Someone had taken a shot at Kate!!

He grabbed his gun and ran around the corner of the wagon into the camp. He didn’t bother fully scanning the area. He needed to see that she was alright and not hurt.

“I’m sorry Mama!” Luciano was crying.

“You tried to kilt Mama!” That was Luna. She stuttered slightly when she nervous and it was adorable.

He rounded the corner to see Kate was covered in wine! It scared him because he thought it was blood for a few seconds, but the broken glass on the table assured him otherwise. Johnny's wife was trying to calm her down, but it was no use. Kate probably hadn’t been around a gun in ten years and this had scared the hell out of her.

“You idiot!!” Angela screamed.

“Hold it!” He shouted as he got to Kate. She was trying to wipe the wine out of her eyes and she was crying too. “Kate?” He tucked his gun into his belt as he reached for her. “You alright?” She could only nod. “What happened?” no answer, so he turned to Angela. “What happened?”

“Luciano,” the words were pouring out of her just as fast as the tears ran down her cheeks. “was playing with a gun. It went off and nearly killed mama!”

he turned to Johnny and said in Rokker. You, talk to your kids. I’m going to deal with the boy. 

Johnny nodded. “Right Tommy.” His tone went firm. “Right! All of yous, in the wagon now!!”

Kate was still crying when he turned back to her. He didn’t have a cloth handy, so he pulled off his shirt and used it to wipe her face. He had an undershirt underneath, so hopefully she wouldn’t feel too uncomfortable by him being half-dressed. Oh, she was shaking like a leaf. The moment he touched her face, she pulled back. He took a step forward. “Trying to help Kate, it’s alright.” 

She covered her mouth as he resumed wiping the wine off her face, hair and neck. She was scared. He knew that every time something like this happened that her immediate concern was for her children. Had she been hit, she was ‘alone’ in England and there was no immediate family to take care of her children. He exhaled and wrapped an arm around her. She put a hand on his chest. “Don’t!”

“Kate,” he said as patiently as he could. “it’s alright.” She offered a few more protests as he reached for her and pulled her against him. She pushed at him and shook her head. “It’s alright. You’re alright. You’re alright. No one’s hurt.” Her shoulders shook and he felt the moment that she gave up. Her arms wrapped around his waist and she buried her face into his chest. “I’ve got you.” He didn’t know how long she’d allow him to touch her like this, but it was a start. He kept his hands around her waist, fighting the urge to run one hand through her hair. It was hard, but she was upset and considering what Romero had just heard, now wasn’t the time for gestures like this. 

After a few moments, she pulled away and wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.” He handed her his shirt once more.

She shook her head. “I’ve ruined it.”

“Use the sleeve.” He directed. “I’ve got plenty of shirts.” She sniffled and wiped her eyes. He exhaled and said in a lower voice.

“I’ll talk to him about guns.”

“He’s never…even seen one.” She inhaled. “Why, why would he---

“He’s a boy, boys are curious about guns.” he said lowly. “I’ll talk to them both. He won’t pick one up again. I give you my word. That alright? Want me to talk to him?”

She hesitates and then nods. “Alright.”

He steps away, wiping his hands on his undershirt and trousers. Luciano is standing there, the gun still in his hand and tears streaming down his cheeks. He takes the gun and empties the chamber. He exhaled and placed his hand on his back. “Right,” he looks around and guides Luciano into the back of a wagon. Romero is still standing there, stunned. “you too Romero. Inside.”

Romero frowned. “I didn’t---

“Don’t care. Inside. Both of you…need to know what happens when you put a gun in your hand.” 

Romero glowered and said. “You’re not my dad.”

His blood boiled at those words. “No, I am f**king not! But both of you, are the men of the house and your job is to take care of your mother. If you decide to pick up a gun, you need to know the same thing that I told him. Now get in the wagon!”

Romero sulked and got in the back of the wagon a glower on his face. There was no smile on his face, but he didn’t care. Today was already f**ked. But both boys were old enough to understand about the dangers of a gun. Kate wasn’t in the right frame of mind to deal with them. He doubted that he was fully, but she could have been killed today and his world would have become an even darker place in that hour.

---

That evening,

---

Kate felt so ridiculous, but she couldn’t stop shaking. She hadn’t been shot at in years, so when the bottle of homemade wine that was sitting between her and Johnny's wife, Esmeralda, she’d been terrified. Then, when she’d seen it was Luciano holding the gun….the blood had drained out of her body. Yes, she knew it was an accident, but she couldn’t get past the idea that she could have been killed by her own son. What supposed to be a fun day out with family, had turned into a picnic from Hell.
The barge stopped and Kate looked up. They’d reached the docks and there was Thomas’s car. It had been a very long and sober barge ride back. Luciano and Romero had stayed down below and they were both upset with Thomas. She didn’t know what he said, but she knew that Thomas understood about people handling guns recklessly. He probably lectured them in a sterner manner than they’d ever heard before, but Luca wasn’t here and she could have been killed.

“Angela,” he said. “fetch your brothers.” He stepped towards her and placed his hand on her shoulder. “You ok?”

“I’m fine.”

He exhales and helps her up from the ground. She was a little tired, Luna and Angela had hovered around her for the entire time afterwards. He nodded and handed her his coat. “Here.”

“I’m fine,” she said as he placed it around her shoulders. “I’m fine, honest.”

He shakes his head before stating quietly. “You’ve got the shakes.”

She inhaled and confessed. “We didn’t keep guns in the house. When Luca died, I bought a derringer, I’ve always kept it in my purse and they’ve never seen it. Haven’t been shot at in a while.”

“That’s good.” He exhaled before stating. “I’m taking you all to my house.”

She starts shaking her head. “No, we can go home---

“Kate, it’s an hour by train. A little longer if I drive you. I’ve got three guestrooms, just in case. You’ll have your own, the boys can share, so can the girls. It’s only fifteen minutes.”

She knew it was a bad idea, she could feel it but she was too tired to argue. She nodded reluctantly. “Alright.”

He took her arm and helped her onto the dock. “Right.” All the kids filed towards him. The boys helped their sisters over the rail with Thomas’s help. Luciano, he was upset, both angry and sad. She’d talk with him tonight. It’d all be good between them in the morning. “We’re all going to my house.” He announced. “Your mother is too tired to make it back to your house.”

The kids all nodded and they follow him to his car. She made a note to talk with him about taking over things. It was nice, but still he always loved being in control. Tonight, his need to assert himself had been appreciated, but she wouldn’t know the affect that it had on her children until tomorrow. He’d been right, for fifteen minutes later, they pulled into secluded lane and soon a large cottage was revealed. She was surprised that Thomas had moved here, it seemed so homey and away from civilization. Well, Arrow House had been semi away from people, but Thomas was a solitary creature. Seemed like the divorce had made him even more isolated. He got out of the car and she got her own door. Once again, she shook her head missing Luca. Thomas went ahead, calling for Frances. She shook her head. God, it would be great to see her again.

“Mama?” she turned to Luciano behind her, a somber look on his face. “I’m sorry. I was only playing.”

She nodded. “I understand…but you could have hurt me.”

He inhaled. “Mr. Shelby said….you could have died. Was that true?”

“Yes,” she said quietly. “Mr. Shelby was a soldier, I’m sure he told both of you that.” They both nodded. “He knows more about guns than any man needed to know. I don’t know what he told you, but I hope both of you listened.”

They both nodded and Luciano’s voice broke as he said. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She said as she wrapped her arms around him, assuring him that all was well. He held tightly onto her and she shushed him as he sobbed into her waist. “I’m alright now, Luciano. We’ll talk about this tomorrow. But I want you to know, that I’m not upset anymore.” He nods. “That was scary for me and I’m really tired.”

“Ok. I love you too, Mama.”

"I know."

He gave her one last squeeze and he held onto her hand as they walked into the cottage. It was getting dark outside. It was exhausting, but she and Frances were able to get all of the children washed up and put to bed. The children were so exhausted that they passed out, regardless of Kate and Frances catching up. Kate hobbled downstairs and went to find herself a book. Frances had insisted on making her a cup of tea and bringing it up to her room.

Kate pushed the library door open, to see Thomas there with a glass of whiskey in his hand. She shook her head. “I thought,” he turned towards her. “that you’d given up the booze. Don’t say my being here has you breaking your vows already.”

“No.” He shook his head as he walked towards her. He extended the glass towards her. “Figured you could use one.”

She exhaled and shook her head. “You don’t have any reason to think that I’d come down here for a drink.”

“I seem to recall,” he said lowly. “that you always take a book to bed when you’re upset. Am I right?”

she shakes her head. “Well, I don’t know how you’d remember that, but, you did.” She smiles. “I don’t drink whiskey anymore. I’m sorry.”

 “I’ll leave it for Frances.” He exhales and says. “You should go upstairs. It’s a late night.” She sighed as she looked through the books on the shelves. She grabbed ahold of Romeo and Juliet. “Thought your favorite,” he said dangerously close near to her. “was ‘Much ado about nothing’, or did I forget something?”

“You were right.” She said. “Luca loved Romeo and Juliet. “My bounty is as boundless as the sea. My love as deep; the more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.” His favorite quote.” She was silent for a moment, then she confessed. “I still haven’t….gotten used to him not being there at night. So, I-I read some of his favorite passages.” She bit her lip before admitting softly. “I wish…I just had five more minutes with him. Got to kiss him one more time. Got to tell him that I loved him…just once more.”

He nodded in understanding. After a few long minutes, he said. “There is…a way.”

She shakes her head. “Thomas…don’t say things like that.” 

In Russia,” he said slowly. “there was a priest. And he would put his hands here.” Kate inhaled sharply, jumping slightly as Thomas placed his hands on her throat. “Its called Khlysty. You can f**k the ghost.” He stepped closer to her and whispered quietly. “You can f**k Luca, one more time…and I can help you do that.”

Chapter 115: Unlikely thoughts

Kate didn’t know what to say. None of this, was making sense to her. It felt like… she was in a trap somehow. She didn’t know how she’d wound up in one, but she was in one. She shook her head. “You’re lying.”

“No,” he shook his head. “no, I’m not.”

She shook her head. “You have to be! How could you----

“I did it, once.” She went still, her heart beating out of her chest. He couldn’t, he couldn’t raise her hopes like that. She studied him, searched his eyes and her heart began to thud as she realized that he was telling the truth. “I saw Grace, she was there. I felt her. But,” he exhaled deeply. “it took…a lot out of me, Kate. I could barely f**king breathe when I was done and---

“I want to try it.” The words burst out of her. She didn’t even know why she said it, she just did. “Please.”

“Kate,” he said firmly. “I could have been killed right there and I wouldn’t have been able to lift a finger to stop it. It’s that exhausting.”

“I don’t care.” She said softly. “You’re still here. You’re not dead and if I really,” she inhaled deeply. “God, for one last time I’d do anything.”

“I know.” He studied her for a long time, then he shook his head. “But we’re not going to do anything like that tonight.”

To say she was hurt, was putting it mildly. She was utterly devastated by his words. “But, you just said---

“Kate,” he said firmly as he released her throat. “you’re exhausted. You’ve been crying, you were nearly shot today and you look like you’re about to keel over. So,” he inhaled. “you’re going to go upstairs, get into bed and sleep. We’ll talk about it at a later date.”

“But---

“I mean it.” He placed his hand on her back and turned her to guide her out of his library. “It’s not a good night for it. We’ll talk about it later and if you want to f**k him then---

“No.” She shook her head as he shut the door behind her. “Never f**k. Luca hated f**king. He liked making love.” She said quietly as he guided her up the stairs. “He would take so much time, leading up to the actual act itself, that I thought that I was going to pass out if he didn’t have me.”

“He denied you?”

she shakes her head. “No, not quite. One could say that, but he wanted to make sure that he never missed anything on some nights and it was beautiful. At times, I felt so much love that I couldn’t comprehend that it was real, that he was real! I’m not going to give details, but, you asked if he hurt me the first time. Luca took nearly a whole hour with me before even getting into the bed. He was very patient and slow. He asked me and I always had to answer him, he never ordered me and I never lied. Those were rules that we put in place from the beginning.” She smiled as she admitted. “He didn’t ask me to go upstairs the first time. I asked him.”

Thomas choked on air. “What? You’re joking.”

“No.” She turned towards him and laughed at the confusion and shock on his face. “Are you surprised?”
“Very.” He admitted. “I wouldn’t have thought it of you. I recall you being very quiet, but you had your moments.”

“Well, no offense to you, but the two of you are so very different men.” She bit her lip and said. “It wasn’t until him that I understood what you were trying to teach me. What we had on occasion, could be described as fun, but…it was hollow afterwards.”

“Yeah.” He exhaled as he ran his hand through his hair.

She studied him before stating. “You look tired.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry today didn’t go as planned.”

“No worries.” He stood a little closer to her. “I’m glad you’re alright.”

“Thank you, for talking to them.”

“No worries.”

She inhaled and asked. “Do you mind if I use your kitchen tomorrow?”

“Kate,” he said. “you’re a guest. Take a day off. I already had Frances leave a note for the cook tomorrow that we have several guests, there’s enough food in the house to take care of all of you.”

She bit her lip. “I haven’t had a day out of the kitchen in two years.”

“Changretta didn’t hire a cook?”

“No, I learned to cook for him, we spent time together in the kitchen. Didn’t want anyone else in our little world.” He nods.

“It’s very different in Italy, in a good way, much more homey.” 

“Well,” he exhaled. “I’m glad. You deserved that, to feel like that and while I don’t like him,” she chuckles faintly. “I’m glad he was able to give that to you.”

“Thank you.” There’s a long silence between them, so she says quietly. “It’s late, we should retire.”

He nods. “Yes.”

He leans forward, causing him to be a little too close to her, so she turned and opened the door to her room. “Goodnight Thomas.” She stepped behind the door and faced him. “Thank you, for letting us crash here for the night.”

“Any time Kate,” he assured her. “any night. Sleep well.”

“You as well.” God! Why was saying goodnight suddenly so awkward? Maybe it was because she’d held onto him while she cried. Either way, it was weird feeling. She licked her lips before stating. “Goodnight and thank you again.”

He nods. “Goodnight Kate.”

She nodded at him and closed the door behind her. She waited until he was down the hall to his room and then locked the door. She didn’t know why she did, but she just did. Something was in the air tonight and she didn’t want to find out just what was in the air tonight.

---

The following morning,

---

He heard her laugh way before he even entered the dining room. He came into see her telling the children about what some of the foods were. Kate clearly did a lot of cooking, but she hadn’t introduced her children to English breakfast. She shakes her head. “Luna, you’ll love the scone. Honest.”

“Your mother’s favorite.” He said as he came into the room. All five heads swiveled towards him. “With…raspberry jelly, right?”

she nods. “Yes, you remember right.”

He studied her. He hadn’t expected her reaction yesterday. He hadn’t even finished explaining the process and Kate had told him to just do it. It was tempting, but when he looked at her, really looked at her….he saw that she wasn’t really in the right frame of mind. She was tired, she was upset and to take her upstairs and f**k her through the strangulation…she wouldn’t have forgiven him in the following morning. It would have been wrong, he wanted her to get closer to him, not farther away. He ignored her mixed signals before and that had cost him her. He wouldn't do that again. He needed to learn her, study her She needed to be fully aware of what was going to happen to her.. The way she talked about Changretta last night, the stars in her eyes, confirmed that she wasn’t ready for anything like that. If she decided to do it, that was her decision, but it was something that she would need to think about with a clear head.

“Good morning, Mr. Shelby!” both girls said, nearly dropping their plates as they hurried over. Both boys said nothing to him, but he wasn’t surprised there. He’d lectured them pretty firmly yesterday.

He shook his head and knelt down to their level. “Morning girls.” To his surprise, Angela gave him a kiss on the cheek and Luna, well, she grabbed onto his neck and held onto him. “Sleep well?”

“Yes!” 

Frances came in with an extra plate and a smile on her face. “Good morning Mr. Shelby. I thought I heard you in here, so I brought an extra plate.”

“Thank you.” He stood up and Luna held onto him. He exhaled and asked her. “Did you get your breakfast yet?” She shook her head. “Right, let’s go girls.”

As he walked over to the breakfast table, something happened. He felt it. “Romero. Luciano.” Kate said firmly. “Neither of you told Mr. Shelby good morning. We are guests in his house and that’s rude of you.” Neither boy said a word. He turned to see that they were glowering and they were angry. Kate suddenly clapped her hands together with a crack, causing everyone to become stiff. “Hey! Mr. Shelby went out of his way to arrange a fun day that you, Luciano, managed to disrupt. He got us back safely, he arranged for us to stay here so I didn’t have to get on the train for an hour! Both of you,” she snapped harshly. “better have a good reason for disrespecting him and me!”

That was the moment he remembered. Romero had heard and he must have told Luciano.

He inhaled and spoke. “Kate---

She held up a hand, telling him to be silent as she snapped. F**king hell, she was attractive when she was like this! “I am giving both of you five seconds to explain before I go get a wooden spoon!”

Romero crossed his arms and glowered at her. Luciano was the one who snapped at her. “Is it true?”
“You WATCH your tone with me!” She stated. “I am the parent! Not you!”

“Were you married to Mr. Shelby before Papa?!” The words burst out of Luciano with a fury. Kate went pale and she inhaled. “Romero heard that one gypsy, Mr. Dogs, he said that you were both married before.” Kate turned and looked at him. He couldn’t think for a moment. He hadn’t planned on the morning starting off like this. “Is it true?”

“Luciano,” Angela said firmly. “stop it! You’re upsetting Mama!”

“Then why won’t she say if it’s true or not?” He demanded. “Why? Is that why Mama’s always letting him touch her?”

“Alright,” he said firmly. “that’s enough. Your mother and I are old friends. You don’t get to question her like that.”

“But is it true?” Romero asked. “Is it?”

“I remember.” That caused him to turn around. He turned to see an angry Charlie standing there in the doorway, his fists double. “You….married her after Mommy died.” He inhaled, this morning was not off to a good start. “Then she left! She abandoned us!”

he shook his head. “That’s not true, Charlie.”

“Then why did she leave?!” Charlie half-shouted. “Why did you leave!?”

“I-I had a reason Charlie.” Kate said as she found her voice again. “It was personal---

“You left me!!” He shouted. “You left him! You knew we loved you and you left us!”

“Enough!” He said loudly as he ran a hand down Luna’s back. Luna was crying. He wasn’t sure how much of it she actually understood, but she could feel the anger in the air and was reacting to it. Angela, she'd dropped her plate because she was so stunned. “Everyone,” he bit out. “is going to shut up, get their food and eat breakfast. Afterwards, Kate and I will sit down with all of you. Agreed?” everyone, including Kate, was nodding. “Good.” He lowered his voice and spoke to Luna. “You hungry?” She shook her head. “That’s alright. We’ll find something, ok?”

“Not hungry.”

He exhaled. She was one of those who’s appetite waned when she was stressed. “That’s alright,” he said. “we’ll share. That ok?” she nodded. “Alright, you hold onto the plate and I’ll put the food on it. Ok?” 

Luna nodded and he walked towards the bacon and sausage. He put two pieces of each on. She made a face at the sausage, causing him to chuckle a little. There were scrambled and fried eggs. He preferred fried, but Luna would prefer the scrambled, so he put some on. Kate handed him a scone, with jelly on it. “Here.” She said quietly.

“Thank you.” She moved away but he grabbed her hand. “Hey,” she sighed and turned towards him. “it’s alright. You did nothing wrong.”

She shakes her head. “You know that I did. You, your whole family, you all hated me. You don’t hate someone like that without a reason and we know that I did.”

With that, she turned away wiping her eyes. Was there ever going to be a moment where it was quiet between them? It seemed unlikely.

Chapter 116: The truth comes out

Breakfast was a total disaster. How? How had this happened? Well, they’d said it was because of Johnny Dogs! That wasn’t a surprise! Johnny had a big mouth. Thomas, hadn’t even given her a warning! Well, she couldn’t blame him, yesterday had been a total disaster and he’d clearly had other things on his mind. God, how could one picnic cause such an utter disaster!? Breakfast had been solemn and sober, all that could be heard were the sounds of the forks. Thomas, had indeed gotten Luna to eat and their conversation had pretty much been the only words spoken during breakfast.

Once everyone had eaten, Thomas directed everyone to go into the parlor. She didn’t know where this conversation was going to go, but she knew it wouldn’t be good. “Right.” He cleared his throat as he gestured for her to come sit next to him on the couch. She did so reluctantly as all the children picked spots on the floor or chairs to sit down. So many emotions in the room. The girls were confused and all three boys were angry. “Let’s get a few things straight. First, Kate and I did not want to get married.”

All of the kids frowned, especially Charlie. “Then why did you?” He demanded.

“Because,” Kate spoke up. “there was a man after me. His brother had attacked me and I killed him.”

“Both men, had hurt her very much.” Thomas stated calmly. “They nearly killed her several times---

“Thomas,” she said. “they don’t need---

“They do Kate, otherwise they won’t understand. We don’t have to tell them everything, but they need to know that if I hadn’t married you, Sabini would have tortured and then killed you.”

Kate inhaled and turned towards her children, who were now staring at her with shock, tears and horror in her eyes. “The man who hurt me, Sabini, is dead and has been dead for years. Your father killed him. But, at the time when I married Thomas, your father was in America.”

“So, she had the choice to marry me or try to hide from Sabini.” Thomas stated. “Sabini, would have killed her the moment she left my house.”

“He nearly did once.” She said as she looked at Thomas gratefully. “Thomas saved me and…I don’t think I ever said thank you for that.”

He shrugged. “It’s alright.”

“Well, in case I didn’t say it,” she said gently. “I’m saying thank you now.”

He nods and then turns back to the children. “So, we got married.”

“It wasn’t easy for us though.” She explained. “I was hurt, I needed time to get better and,” she inhaled. “your grandfather had an argument with Thomas. He ordered that Thomas be killed, but the gunman missed and killed Charlie’s mother instead.” God, she didn’t know what damage she was doing to her kids by telling them all of this. But the truth had come out and it was time to set the record straight. She inhaled. “You all saw how I was when your father died. So, Thomas was like that when I married him. It was very hard for him to be married to me. He was still in love with his wife, Grace, the way that I still love your father.”

Thomas nodded in agreement. “Eventually, once enough time had passed, we agreed to work together, try to run a house together and she’d look after you Charlie.”

“But she left me.” He bit out. “She didn’t care about me at all.”

“She saved your life when you were a baby.” He said. “Some woman kidnapped you and she shot the nurse and two gangsters. She nearly got killed because of you! She cared very much,” he inhaled before confessing. “it was my fault, because I wouldn’t let her get close to you. I told her, that I didn’t want you to think of her as a mother. I said, it was better if you thought of her as a nanny.”

Hurt flashed across Charlie’s face. “But, why? Why would you do that?”

Thomas couldn’t answer, but she did. “Your father was grieving. In his mind, he’d betrayed his love for your mother by marrying me. He was respecting her memory by being faithful to her.” Charlie shook his head in disgust. “I agreed to it Charlie. I’m just as much to blame as he is.”

“I do, blame you.” He bit out. 

Angela raised her hand and she and Thomas, both acknowledged her. “Yes?”

“I don’t understand.” Angela asked. “You and Papa said you met at a masquerade. But you were married to Mr. Shelby, so, how did you two meet?”

She nodded. “It was at Mr. Shelby’s house. Everything about how your father and I met in the garden, how he kissed me at midnight, that was all true.”

“But,” Luciano said. “you were married to Mr. Shelby.”

She inhaled, as the guilt she didn’t feel from ten years ago began to build in her stomach. “Yes, I was. We were fighting and….things weren’t very good between Thomas and I at the time.”

Thomas exhaled. “I was seeing someone else at the time---

“Who?” Charlie demanded.

he cleared his throat. “Lizzie.”

Charlie’s eyes bulged. “You cheated on her with Lizzie? Is that why she left? Is it?!”

Thomas exhaled and rubbed his eyes. Again, Kate took this question. “Charlie, it wasn’t a real marriage between us. Don’t blame your father. We both didn’t love each other and we went both went out own ways in search for love.” 

“And,” Thomas admitted. “that’s what she found with Changretta.”

“Isn’t he the one who killed Uncle John?”

Thomas inhaled and nodded. “Yeah, but, it’s much more complicated than that Charlie because we all killed Changretta’s father and only brother. Nearly killed his mother, so, that’s why he came back for revenge.”

Kate inhaled. “My children, aren’t aware of this life that your father is in. I grew up in it, just like you, so I know that it’s impossible to not want revenge. Your father and I argued about this for weeks.”

“What happened to you?” Charlie asked. “After Christmas, I never saw you again.”

“F**k.” Thomas muttered under his breath, causing her to smack his knee. “Sorry.”

“Your father, likes to make deals and sometimes they’re insane. I overheard something that sounded like he was going to give me back to Sabini.” All the children, even Charlie gasped. “But he wasn’t, he was planning to use me as bait, so that Sabini wouldn’t join the fight against Luca. I didn’t realize that at the time and I ran away. I’d just gotten out of Birmingham when two of Luca’s men kidnapped me. I was brought to Luca’s hotel. Luca got me a doctor and he immediately released me. From then on, as you all know, your father put me up in his house while he got some papers done for me. During that time, Luca and I became friends. It wasn’t until I got to America that I realized that I was in love with him. So, I came back to England.” Kate cleared her throat. “Luca began courting me. I fell in love with him and he loved me back. We wanted to get married and start a family, but I couldn’t do that while married to Thomas.”

“So, we annulled the marriage and Kate left for Italy with Changretta.” Thomas said, a tinge of regret in his voice. “We haven’t seen each other since then. So,” he exhaled. “we’ve been catching up, talking about how everything’s changed and renewing our friendship.”

“Friends?” Charlie asked. “Why would you even want to be friends with her after she married someone who killed Uncle John?”

“Like I said Charlie,” he stated firmly. “it’s complicated, but she had the right to go.”

“I don’t understand all this. Why did you let her go? Lizzie said you were in love with her!” Kate rubbed her eyes. “Lizzie said that you never stopped loving her, which is why you two got a divorce!”

Kate turned and stared at Thomas in surprise as he shook his head. “Lizzie, has always been jealous of Kate, so she says things that aren’t true.”

Charlie looked at her as he demanded. “Why did you leave without saying goodbye to me?!”

God, she hadn’t even realized that. Thomas probably wouldn’t have let her say goodbye, but she hadn’t even asked. “I---

Thomas cut her off. “Because I wouldn’t let her say goodbye.” She turned towards him and slightly shook her head. “She was moving on, her life didn’t include us and in the end I married Lizzie. You had a sister, Lizzie looked after you so it’s not like you didn’t have a mother. Kate, she had a very difficult life before she was married to me and being married to me, it weren’t easy! She wasn’t happy with me! She was miserable! She wanted to marry Changretta, he loved her and as you can see, they had a family together.” He inhaled. “I’ll admit, I handled things badly, but I was trying to protect you from getting hurt. I figured if you didn’t see her, you wouldn’t remember her.”

“Well I did.” Charlie bit out. “And you let her go.”

“Your father didn’t let me go.” She stated firmly. “I was going to go whether he wanted me to go or not! And he did put up a big fight trying to persuade me to stay with him.”

“Well why didn’t you?” Charlie demanded. “You really loved Changretta that much that you turned your back on us? On me?”

she inhaled deeply as she said. “Charlie, I loved you, but…I wasn’t allowed to be a mother to you. I wanted a real marriage, a family and I wanted to be married to someone who loved me. Your father couldn’t give me that. I know, it sounds selfish, but,  I didn’t mean to hurt you---

“Well you did.” Charlie snapped. “You did! And you hurt him!”

“I know I did.” She placed her hand on Thomas’s knee. “That’s why, we’ve been talking and making amends together. Had we realized that you remembered me Charlie, we would have talked to you.”

“Why are you even here?” Charlie demanded. “Why come back after all these years?”

“Because my husband, Luca died two years ago.” She said softly. “I already buried him and I came back to bury his mother. Your father bumped into me on the street and drove me home. Luna had an accident, he took us to and from the hospital. We fought a little bit, but, we made up when you both came over for dinner. Since then, it’s been two friends reconnecting. That’s all, there is no romance between us.”

“Then he should stop touching you.” Luciano complained. “It looks like he’s trying to---

“To what?” Kate asks. “I told you before Luciano, that’s just the way he is and you don’t get to talk about how my friends touch me. My hand is on him now, that’s just the way Thomas and I talk. He’s not much with words, so, he communicates other ways. It doesn’t mean anything. Your father was aware that we have a very complicated relationship, but he respected it and you will respect it!”

Luciano looked skeptical at her before biting out. “I want to go home.”

She knew it was coming. She felt every inch of Thomas flinch at those words. But she knew it was the right thing. “Alright,” she nodded. “I’ll look into getting us passage on the next boat back home.”

Those words promptly caused Angela and Luna to burst into loud tears and start wailing. Kate could only stare at them in surprise. Luna got to her feet first and ran towards them on the couch. Kate reached for her, but Luna turned and lunged for Thomas! Thomas was barely able to catch around her waist as she wailed. “I don’t want to go!!”

This was the moment she realized that her little family vacation had become much more complicated than she’d originally anticipated!

Chapter 117: Farewell

“No.” Thomas didn’t even give Kate a moment to think. “No, you’re not going yet.”

He’d just found her, they’d barely had two weeks together and he wasn’t ready to let her go. Who the hell was he kidding? He wasn’t ready to let Luna go! F**king hell, Kate had warned him about getting attached but he had and he didn’t know how to cope with seeing any of them in his life! 

“Thomas,” she said patiently. “it’s alright.”

“Kate,” he said as he shifted Luna to his other side so he could look at Kate. “you and I discussed staying for the summer---

“I know, I’m getting to that.” She said firmly. “just let me say what I need to say, please!” He huffed. He didn’t like this. He didn’t like it at all! “Look, it’s still February and I told you that they all have school. So, we do have to go back home.”

“I won’t want to go!!” Luna wailed in his ear, causing him to tighten his hold on her. “I wanna stay!!”

ok, he couldn’t do this. His heart was going to break again. He looked at her. “Kate---

“You ALWAYS ruin everything!!” Angela shouted as she threw a shoe at Luciano’s head!! “I hate you!!”

“I hate you too!!” Luciano shouted. “You cry baby!! Grow up!”

“ENOUGH!!” Kate shouted with such a fury that instantly silenced Luna’s cries. She inhaled. “Look at everyone in this room! Look at you!” She shakes her head. “Listen to yourself. Shouting that you hate each other! Don’t EVER let me hear you say that to each other! Do you understand me?”

Angela nodded as she whimpered. “Yes.”

Luciano said nothing. He folded his arms. Romero elbow him hard, causing Luciano to glower at him but he bit out. “Yes.”

Kate shook her head. “Yesterday, Mr. Shelby had made me an offer. He asked if we’d stay until the summer and I was considering it, but now, based on everyone’s behavior, it’s not a good idea.” Everyone started whining and she clapped her hands sharply. “We need time, to step back from everything and talk things through. Since we’ve arrived, there has been nothing but drama and it is time to get everything back under control.” She looked at him. “Thomas, you have to mend things with Charlie. I, realized that I’ve been making a ton of mistakes, especially with Luciano and he has got to learn that he is not his father!” Luciano jolted in shock. “He’s a little boy and he’s stopped being one.”

“Papa said---

“I don’t care what your papa said!” She said sharply. “You’re a little boy and you’re trying to grow up too fast. I do not like being controlled or questioned. Your father never did and right now, I know for a fact that he’d be VERY disappointed in your attitude.”

Luciano stared at her. “I’m the man of the family.”

“You are not the man of the family until you become a man.” She said. “You’re a little boy. A child. Mi bambino. I don’t let a grown man talk to the way I’ve been letting your talk to me. If anything, my time here with Mr. Shelby has shown that I’ve become lax as a mother. Your father wouldn’t have put up with this and I’m not allow this anymore!”

he inhaled and placed a hand on hers. “Kate,” she turned towards him. “why don’t we talk about this in private first?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “This is impacting all of us and keeping things from them will not help things to get better.” She was right. Loath to admit it, she was right. “I need to take my children back home and you need to reconnect with your family. See if you can reconcile with Lizzie enough to allow her to allow her talk to Charlie. Your problems are irrelevant when it comes to his needs and he misses and needs her.” Charlie’s head shot up and his eyes filled with hope. “I need to talk to Charlie in private as well, with your permission. There is too much healing that needs to begin before we can even consider about continuing this friendship.” 

God, he hated her. He hated, always hated it that Kate was right. It was a damn curse of hers. He exhaled and nodded. “Alright, you can talk to Charlie after this.”

“Thank you.” She bit her lip before stating. “I’ll see which ship leaves after valentine’s day so we’re not spending Luna’s birthday on it.” That’s right, her birthday was on Valentine’s Day. “Once we’re back in our homes, we’re going to take the time to get our families lives in order. Charlie, especially, needs you. Come the end of May,” she inhaled. “I’ll call you, see if you still want us to stay the summer and if you want us to, then we will.” Ok, that perked his hopes up. She wasn’t just going to vanish in Italy like before and not say a word. She was going to come back. She was going to come back to him. “But right now, it’s not a good time for this. There’s too much fighting.”

“And you hate fighting.” He said quietly. She nodded before squeezing his hand. She was right. The way they touched each other, it was a silent way of communication for them both. He exhaled. “Alright. I won’t argue. It’s your family, you’ve been a mother longer than I’ve been a father, so…I’ll go with your plan.”

Kate exhaled deeply before saying. “Everyone, go outside and play in the backyard for a bit. I need to talk to Thomas alone.” Everyone filed out of the room, Luna stubbornly refused to let him go until he set her down. “You too Principessa.”

“It’s alright,” he said gently as he brushed her dark hair back from her face. “I’ll be here for your birthday, alright?” Luna nodded as she sniffled. He reached into his pocket and handed her a handkerchief, which she slathered all over her face “You go outside, and think about what you’d like for a birthday present. Ok?” Luna could only nod as she walked out of room. Kate didn’t speak to him, waiting until the front door shut behind Luna. “You know,” he said quietly. “is one the things that I f**king hate about you?”

she exhaled. “I’m sorry, I know I’m pushy---

“I hate…that you’re always right.” He interrupted her, causing her to look at him in confusion. “You have…a bad habit of being right about things when I don’t want you to be.”

“I’m so sorry Thomas.” She exhaled as she gripped his hand a little bit tighter. “It wasn’t working out this time either.”

“No. We keep bumping into each other at the wrong time.” He exhaled as he gave her a tug into his side. He felt her stiffen a little, so he relaxed and leaned backwards. He exhaled deeply and was silent, waiting for her to relax before asking. “You’ll come back?”

“Yes, I promise.”

“This summer?” he confirmed. “Not next summer?”

“Yes!” She laughed and shook her head. “Good God, Thomas! We’ll only be gone for a little while.”

“Feels longer.” He inhaled. “I just…think clearer when you’re around.”

She exhales deeply and nods. “Me too.” He glances at her, surprised that she admitted that. “Since Mrs. Changretta died, there hasn’t really been anyone to lend me a sympathetic and understanding ear. So, thank you for being there for me.”

“Anytime.”

She was silent before adding. “Luna’s gonna miss you too.”

His heart broke. “F**king hell, Kate,” he rubbed the bridge of his nose trying to stop tears from forming. “don’t do that.”

“She will.” Kate said honestly. “I know, you’re attached to her, but…you’re not her father.”

He nods. “I know. I see every time you look at me that you wish it was Changretta holding her, not me.”

“Still as pessimistic as ever, Thomas.” She said as she rolled her eyes. “Yes, I do think about how Luca should be here because she doesn’t remember him. It’s the same how you didn’t want me taking Grace’s place. However,” she inhaled and said gently. “I’m not as protective as you in that regard. I don’t mind you being a father figure, we’re not going to see each other often enough for it to become something serious.” Those words hurt. She wasn’t doing it to be mean, but it hurt. She didn’t see him that way yet, but there was a possibility that he could become that little girl’s father. He wasn’t sure how her boys would take it, but Kate was right. They needed time and space. He needed to fix things with Charlie. “I just…didn’t realize that you had gotten attached to her as well. I’m sorry.”

He exhaled deeply. “It happens. You’d know.”

“Yes,” she said quietly. “that’s why I’m sorry. I felt it before.”

“Well,” he exhales. “it’s not your fault. What happened with you and Charlie, was my fault.”

She sighed and shook her head. “It’s been 10 years, time to stop blaming yourself and start putting things right. It’s not too late.”

He exhaled. “Feels like it.”

“You’ve been left in your head too long Thomas.” She said gently, her words like a cool calm to his burned heart. “I know I haven’t been here for those times, but I do know you and your habits of pushing people away from you. So, it’s nice for you to have someone, if only for a little at a time.”

He nodded slightly. Yeah it was. Even if he was only allowed to see them for three months out of the year. It would be the best three months he’d have. For those months, he’d truly be alive. One day, maybe one day in the future…every day would feel like those three months, but he had to wait for them. She came back for Changretta. He'd waited 10 years for her, one day, she'd come back to him. He knew it. He could feel it in the depths of his soul. He didn't know how he knew, but he just knew it. 

---

February 17th, 1935

---

“Everyone ready?” Kate asked as she held firmly onto the tickets. “Time to board.” Luna and Angela promptly started crying loudly and her heart ached, but this had to be done. “Say goodbye to Mr. Shelby,” that was futile, both girls had ahold of his leg. Thomas was fighting so badly to keep from showing emotions but failing. He tugged his hat a bit lower over his eyes as he knelt down. “and to Charlie as well.”

She and Charlie had a very long discussion that day. He was angry too, he yelled and shouted at her before inevitably breaking into tears. Kate had held, consoled him and then afterwards they talked. She answered every question that he wanted to know and she encouraged him to try and talk with his father. Charlie seemed to think that Thomas didn’t love him, so she spoke on Thomas’s behalf and encouraged him not to give up on his father.

After Luciano and Romero shook Charlie’s hand, Kate went over to him. “Hey,” she said as she approached him. “summer will come quickly. Hopefully, you’ll be able to talk to Lizzie soon.”

“Thank you, for arranging it.” He hesitated before stating. “I won’t tell her about you. There’s no need for her to know.”

“I appreciate that, but if you want to, it’s ok with me.”

“I don’t.” He said quietly. After a pause, he admits begrudgingly. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too Charlie.” She wrapped her arms around him and held onto him tightly as he held onto her. “I love you too. You have my number and if you need to talk to me, you can call me any Sunday. That’s the only day I’m there at any hour, so I won’t miss your call. Ok?”

“Yes.” He holds tighter onto her before stating. “Thank you, for explaining everything.”

“Thank you for listening. I’m sorry, that I hurt you.”

“I know.” He said. “But, you were happy and…I do remember there being crying and shouting, but…I didn’t realize.”
“It’s ok. You kept me going until I met Luca.” She ran her hand through his hair before glancing at Thomas. The poor man was a mess. “Look after your father. He needs you more than he wants to admit. I know it’s hard, but promise me you’ll try, alright?”

he nods. “I’ll try.”

Kate kissed his head before breaking the hug. She exhaled and walked over to Thomas. Lucian and Romero had shaken hands, both boys were upset with him for that very stern lecture about guns but they’d have time to get over it. They’d gotten off easy. Thomas had only verbally lectured them both. Luca wasn’t a man who believe in corporal punishment, but she was very sure that day he’d have given Luciano a darn good spanking and sent him to bed without any supper.

“Girls,” she said above Luna and Angela’s crying. “go say goodbye to Charlie now. Ok?”

Angela nodded and walked over to Charlie. Luna still had her arms around Thomas’s neck. “And you’ll take care of Misty?”

Thomas nods. “Yes, your pony’ll be waiting for you when you get back.” 

In true Thomas Shelby fashion, he’d bought Luna a beautiful, white pony. Luna had wailed and sobbed over the horse, but Thomas said the horse was too young to be ridden, so, she’d have to come back this summer and ride it, which had helped things. But she knew him. Him buying that pony ensured that she had to come back. Thomas was lonely and he was making sure that they came back.

Luna kissed Thomas on the cheek and Kate watched as his hands firmly gripped Luna’s back. God, this was killing her so much. “Luna,” she placed her hand on her back. “go say goodbye to Charlie. I need to talk to Thomas alone. Ok?” Luna nodded and reluctantly let go of Thomas. Thomas stood up and exhaled deeply. He cursed lightly under his breath as he inhaled sharply. She stared at him. She’d never seen him this upset before, he was on the edge of tears. “Good God, you’re actually going to miss us, aren’t you?”

He doesn’t even hesitate to admit it. “Yes. I will.” He shakes his head as he looks at her with those haunting blue eyes and declares. “You have no clue, just how f**king much I’ll miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you too.” She admitted, to her surprise. “It was good seeing you again. It’s good to have you as a friend, Thomas.” And he was a friend. They weren’t lovers or anything like that and she was fine with it. He was good about things like that. He hugged her and she let him. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his waist. Thomas was a man who asked for so little when it came to affection, that she didn’t mind giving him some. He was such a cold and dark man, he needed whatever light and warmth he could get in his life. 

“When you’re ready to go,” he said lowly. “call me…I’ll make arrangements to have you flown out here.”

“Thomas, we’re only on the boat for a day and a half. It’s fine,” she assured him. “but, I’ll let you know when we we’re on the stop before your house, so you can send someone to pick us up, alright?”

he nods. “Yeah, I’ll do that.”

She inhales as the boat blows a whistle and his fingers tighten on her back. “I’ve got to go, Thomas.”

He exhaled. “I know.”

She pulled back and reached into her purse. “I bought this for you, but, my phone number is inside if you need to talk to me. Alright?” he nods as he looks at the book. Revival: The New Generation. The Intimate Problems of Modern Parents and Children. She wouldn't be there to give advice and Thomas needed all the help that he could get. “I believe you’ll find part 1, very helpful.”

He nodded reluctantly. “Thank you.” 

She smiled and said. “You can do it. I have high hopes for you, Thomas Shelby.” She picked up her bag and said. “Alright, everyone, get your bags. It’s time to get on the boat.”

They walked up the gangplank, found a spot on the railing to wave goodbye to Thomas and Charlie. Thomas had his hand on Charlie’s shoulder as they pushed their way to the front of the crowd so they could see them clearly. Luna was sobbing hysterically and Angela was just wailing. As the boat began to pull away, Kate began to wonder if she made a mistake. For some reason, as Thomas and Charlie’s figures became too small for her to see, she felt her heart break again and she was lost as to why her heart could be breaking. She had her family with her, she was going home to the house that Luca had built for her. Shouldn’t that have been enough to make her happy?

But no, it wasn’t. She was alone again and she realized that somehow, Thomas and Charlie had helped fill a hole in her that she hadn’t known was there. Now, the hole was empty and she had to carry on for nearly four months before seeing them again. Now, she just had to figure out why she was missing them so much before the summer arrived.

 

Chapter 118: Late morning call

April 16th, 1935.

---

Another month and a half and she’d be back. F**king hell, he felt like his life was falling apart! He missed her. He needed her and he wanted her back. The conversations on the phone weren’t long enough. He needed to touch her, to hold her and to feel her near him again. To hold her hand, hear her laugh again, to see her smile. He missed her so much and he missed her girls, especially Luna. Her sons, not so much, but there hadn’t been much of a bond there. Maybe in time, there would be.

When they’d left the docks and gotten in the car, Charlie had had a breakdown. They talked to each other in depth at the car. Things hadn’t been really smooth at first, but, he’d pushed past his discomfort and spoken honestly to Charlie. It was hard, but he finally had a motivation. If he got Kate to marry him, he needed to be prepared to be as a best a father as he could to all her children. 

He’d read the book. Kate had been right, it was a good book. The first part, parent vs. Child hadn’t seemed so bad. However, the second part, made his blood boil. Sadistic tendencies in parents. He didn’t think that he’d been anything like his father, however, this book had proved him to be wrong. Kate, she saw everything and he hated, yet loved that about her. Her all-seeing required less communication, but he knew that she wanted to be heard. She’d never spoken as freely with him until Changretta. Communication was a very important thing to her and he realized that it was important to Charlie as well.

Letting Lizzie back in, that had been so f**king hard. First time he called her, she hung up on him. Second time he called her, she cussed him out. Third time, she told him not to call him again. So, he called Polly, told her to talk to Lizzie that he wanted to arrange a day and time for Charlie to talk to Lizzie. A day later, Lizzie called him back. He had Charlie in the room for the negotiations. It was agreed that Lizzie could talk to Charlie for an hour every Saturday. The calls would be in the library and in his presence. He’d agreed to consider allowing personal visits, but not until he saw how this went out. The calls had been awkward and brief at first. He hadn’t realized just how much Charlie had missed Lizzie. He called her ‘Mum’ on the phone, even though she wasn’t his ‘mother’ anymore, but Charlie had lost a lot of maternal figures in his lifetime and Kate wasn’t in a position to take her place as his mother again.

God! Why oh why had he treated Kate so badly in the first place!? Two weeks she’d been here. Two f**king weeks…and she’d gotten into his head, under his skin and into his blood again. He’d spent all this time wrestling with all of his failings and he’d failed her so badly. He’d failed her and he’d failed himself with his treatment of her. Looking at the past now, a possible future with him seemed nearly impossible. But he wanted that future, he wanted her and her wanted her kids in his life. He couldn’t do without them.

“Mr. Shelby.” Frances called from the front porch “It’s Mrs. Changretta! It sounds important!” Thomas left all of his belonging in the car before hurrying into the house. Today wasn’t Sunday, it was Tuesday and he knew Italy was an hour ahead. It was 3:00 in the morning for her. Frances must have heard the phone and gotten ahold of it. He’d told her that he’d be back around two, so Kate must be desperate to be calling at this hour. Frances had hurried ahead and grabbed the phone. “He’s here.” She handed him the phone. “Here you go, Mr. Shelby.”

He nodded her. “Kate? You alright?”

Yes, I am, she assured him, but his elevated heart rate didn’t slow. But, I need your help.

“What do you need?” he asked. He could hear that she was scared. 

Italy, it’s no longer safe. We’re getting on a boat to England the day after tomorrow. I’ve got everything personal that I can carry, I hate to impose---

“Kate,” he stated. “where are you? Which city?”

Montepulciano. 

He nodded and wrote it down, guessing at the spelling. “Your address and number?” she gave both to him He inhaled. “Right, I’m going to make arrangements, see if I can get all of you on a plane by noon.”

Thomas---

“You and the kids on one. Your luggage on another.” He inhaled. F**k! If Kate was this scared, something was very wrong. “I can pull a few strings. It’ll only be a two hour flight instead of two days on the boat.”

Thomas, you don’t have to---

“Yes, I do.” He said firmly. “I want you and the kids safe. Let me do this for you Kate.” He was just short of begging. “Please.”

She inhaled and exhaled. Alright, I’ll owe you one.

“You owe me nothing.” He said firmly. “I failed to protect you back then, I am not going to f**k this up. I’ve got you.” He assured her. “You can trust me.”

She was silent before admitting. I trust you. Why else do you think I called you? There is no one else around that I trust as much as you.

He exhaled in relief at those words. “Right, I’ll call you back as soon as I can.”

I’m sorry for the late call.

“I wasn’t asleep anyway, you know me. Never fall asleep until three in the morning.” He inhaled. “If something happens, I don’t care what time it is, you f**king call me. Is that clear?”

yes.

He inhaled and asked. “What happened? What made you call me?”

She hesitated and then said. Someone threw a brick through the window.

His blood ran cold. “Why?”

Let’s just say that….some Italians aren’t very accommodating to the British. Luca’s not here anymore to protect us and…I don't want to trust a stranger to get my children out safely.

He inhaled and asked. “Can you get to the British ambassador?”

Not safely with four children.

He exhaled sharply. Ok, things were really bad, he could hear it. He needed to get off the phone, make arrangements for two private planes. He nodded. “Alright, Kate, I’m going to make a few calls, so you won’t hear from me for a few hours. Do you have a gun?”

My derringer.

“You and the kids stay inside, give both of the boys knives, they can handle it. I taught them how to throw them when they were here."

Excuse me?

"Yell at me later, knives are different than guns. I’ll send help to you as soon as I’ve got it arranged.”

Thank you Thomas, really, this is far more than I expected. You don’t have to---

“Yes, I do.” He said firmly. “Because if something ever happened to you I’d never forgive myself.”

She was silent for a long time, he knew that he’d outspoken, but he couldn’t help it. He was scared. He was scared for her and he was scared for the children. She exhales and shakes her head. You and the things that go through your head at times, Thomas Shelby. I’ll talk to you later.

“Bye.” He then stepped out of the room and yelled. “Frances!” 

she came scurrying around the corner, still in her robe. “Yes, Mr. Shelby?”

“I need you to wake Charlie up, then, go and pack me a change of clothes to take just in case I need them.”

“Yes sir. Is she alright?”

he exhaled. “Italy’s not safe for her anymore. She needs help getting the kids out.”

Frances went pale. “Oh God.”

“I need Charlie, quickly.” Frances nodded and hurried off. He exhaled and made a call to the private company that he used to charter planes. He said that he needed two to Italy. The pilots said they could make it in two and a half hours. He asked how much the planes could hold and surprisingly, they carried a ton of weight. He was then going to call Salvatore Bruno, the man who ran the Italian section since Sabini had been murdered by Changretta. He’d get two men, from what Kate had implied, Italian citizens would be best. He’d bring them, get them to help load up the plane with whatever valuables Kate wanted to bring with her. If the plane was too heavy, he’d leave the men behind and pay for their passage back to England.

“Frances says,” he looks up at the sound of Charlie’s voice. Charlie is groggy, as if he’s gotten no sleep. “you’re leaving?”

he nods. “Yes.” He gestures for Charlie to sit down. “Kate called me.”

Charlie woke up really fast at those words. “Is she alright?”

He had to be honest. “No. Someone through a brick through her window. It’s not safe there for her and the kids anymore.”

“Is she in that much danger?”

“Yes.” He inhales. “She is. She’s having to leave fast and I need to make sure she gets out alright.”

 

Charlie fidgets and then he asks. “Are you going after her?”

He nods. “Yes. I need to make a few calls first, get things ready to get her out of there.” Charlie nods. “I’ll need you and Frances to make sure that the house is ready. They’ve never been on a plane before and she’ll be exhausted. Kate hates heights, so she’ll be scared out of her mind as well.”

Charlie studied him before stating. “You’re still in love with her, after all these years.”

He exhaled, slightly unnerved that his thirteen-year-old son could see something like that so clearly. He hesitated before nodding and admitting it. “Yes. I am.”

Charlie shook his head. “You better not f**k this up dad.”

“Language!” He said firmly. “You know she hates it.”

“She’s not my mother yet, but I’m serious.” Charlie said, hurt in his voice. “I don’t want to go through this again.” He walked towards him. “If you can't be faithful to her, then just stop it now."

“Charlie,” he stood in front of him. “I don’t intend to ruin it. I won’t be able to ask Kate to marry for a year or two. She’s still in love with Changretta. So, we have to be patient, alright?” Charlie nods. “So, I’m not going to f**k it up. I am not going to cheat on her, those days are over. I want her back, so I’m going to do things the way she’d want it. Slow and I’ll try to court her, learn more about her and the kids. I’ll need your help as well.”

Charlie looked surprised. “Mine?”

“You want a mother, don’t you?” Charlie nodded. “Well, you’ve got to get close to her like I do. Spend time with the kids,” he paused before adding. “you know, that means you’ll have two little brothers and two sisters.”

Charlie smiled a little bit. “I wouldn’t mind.”

“That’s good. Now,” he exhaled. “you go back to bed. I’m going to go about bringing all of them back to us in one piece.”

“Alright.” As he picked up the phone, Charlie said. “Bring her back dad. We lost her once,” he glanced at him as Charlie admitted. “I don’t want to lose her again.”

“Neither do I.” He declared holding Charlie’s gaze. 

Charlie nodded and then left the room. Thomas then dialed Winston Churchill’s private number. Yes, Churchill had ‘retired’ but he still knew a few strings to pull to ensure that he was able to fly in and out of Italy without any problems. He’d made deals like this sort of thing before, but his hands were sweating and shaking. He’d never had to make a deal, which involved four children, and the woman that he wanted to marry again. He wasn’t sure if he had a shot, but he wasn’t about to let her get killed by a bunch of Italians before he had a chance to ask her!

Chapter 119: Safe

The bang on the door caused Kate to break a plate. She’d called Thomas twice, but Frances said that he was gone and wouldn’t be back until noon. It was noon now!! Not that she was panicking, but a few more windows had been broken today. Normally, people didn’t care, but there was growing unrest about Ethiopia. Young men were joining the military and it was common knowledge that she was British. While Luca had Italian ancestry, he wasn’t Italian enough to provide a life blanket for their children. Things had changed so quickly in the two weeks she was in England. 

At first, it wasn’t too bad, just looks, but then the looks changed. They became harder and more hateful. Then, people began to spit at her, call her and English whore, they didn’t care if the children were there. When Kate got threatened by knife-wielding teenager, clearly too young to join the military and the crowd had watched, she decided that it was time to get out. However, she quickly realized that it wouldn’t be so easy getting out of Italy. She was denied a ride out of Montepulciano, which meant she was stuck in this town. she did call and try to make other arrangements, but it was too far for a taxi. She’d finally decided to buy a horse and cart at 3 times the price. But when she showed up to pay, the man said it was not for sale. Kate instantly realized that he’d been ordered not to sell it to her. She got home to find that someone had thrown a brick through the window. 

After cleaning up the mess, she boarded up the window and there’d been a few crashes last night. When she woke up and found the same teenager in hr room with a knife, she’d shot him without thinking. The moment she did, she knew that she sealed her death warrant. She covered his body with the comforter and dragged him into the master bedroom. She hadn’t been able to sleep in there since Luca died and the room was closed off. That was when she called Thomas. She was going to try to get to the boat, but Thomas in Thomas Shelby fashion had booked a plane, she wasn’t sure how he was going to do it, but it was Thomas. She knew that when he was determined that nothing would get in his way.

Now, there was someone banging at the door! She grabbed her gun and moved towards the front door. As she rounded the corner…she saw Luna opening the front door! “Luna!! Wait!!” She shouted.

“It’s Mr. Shelby!!” Luna squealed excitedly.

Kate nearly collapsed at those words. “What?” he couldn’t be. Thomas Shelby wouldn’t have come all the way to Italy!

Luna opened the door and sure enough, in walked Thomas Michael Shelby! Italy or not, he walked in like he owned the whole town! “Mr. Shelby!”

“Hey Luna!” He picked her up and held her close. “How are you?”

“Fine!” She said excitedly as he kissed her on the cheek. “I missed you!”

“I missed you too.” Thomas turned and locked eyes with her. Relief flooded both of them and Kate set her gun down. He maintained eye contact with her as he set Luna down. “Go get your brothers and Angela. Ok?” Luna nodded and he opened the door. “Inside.” 

At that moment, a dozen-armed men in black, entered. Kate inhaled and asked nervously. “Thomas? What’s this?”

“Right, I made an arrangement to get all of us out of here first. These men’ll stay behind and take care of your belongings after I get you all on the plane.” He gestured for them to start grabbing the few precious items she’d boxed up. Thomas had said to get things, so she had. “Is this all? We can bring more.”

She frowned. “How much I can bring on a plane? How much weight can it---

“Kate, I came with three planes.” Her jaw dropped in utter shock. “One for us, the bags and a few smaller things. The second will hold the rest of your belongs and the third, will bring these men back along with anything else that you want.”

She could only stare at him in shock. “How did you do this?”

“There’s been a new crime boss in ‘Little Italy’ and we’ve gotten on well, no issues. Turns out, Changretta saved his life before and he owed him one. So, he loaned me a dozen men and paid for an extra plane to get you out.” He exhaled deeply as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. “He has connections in Italy, so he, along with Winston Churchill---

“What?!”

“We made a deal to get you all out of here safe and sound.”

“You’re insane. You’re absolutely insane.”

“I told you,” he stepped towards her. “I was going to keep you safe.”

She inhaled as she confessed. “There’s a body in the master bedroom.”

“I’ll take care of it.” He said without even blinking. “Once we walk out, there’s two carts ready to take all of us down to the bottom of the hill. The planes are about 10 minutes away. We needed to find a good place to land first.”

She shook her head as she stepped forward and reached for him. “I can’t believe you sometimes.” Thomas reached for her and closed the distance between them. He exhaled as he held onto her tightly. She inhaled as she breathed him in, his familiar scent of cigarettes and horses filling her nose. She shook her head as she said. “I can’t believe you did this. I can’t believe you actually came for us.”

“I want you safe. All of you.” He pressed a kiss to her cheek, causing her to jolt before he released her. “Sorry.”

“It’s….alright. I swear to God, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier in my life to see you walk through the door!” She could tell that her words surprised him, but she meant it. It was a harmless enough peck and she knew Thomas, he worried. “You and the things you do….it’s really quite amazing sometimes.”

He nods as he says directly. “I care about you Kate.” Her heart stilled at those words. “All of you. Couldn’t bear it if something happened to you. I don’t even know how I’d tell Charlie.”

She had to change the subject. Thomas rarely got sentimental and when he did, she was at a loss how to take him and his words. “He sounds better, the two of you sound closer.”

“Thanks to you and that book.” He exhales. “We’ve got a ways to go, but, we’re getting there. The book helped.”

“I’m glad.” She pulled away as her children came running in. She turned to him. “How long do we have? Do they have time to get anything extra?”

he nods and says loudly. “If there’s anything else that you want to bring, but couldn’t, you have five minutes to bring them down here! Alright?”

“Yes Mr. Shelby!” the kids didn’t hesitate, they ran upstairs.

Kate laughed and shook her head. “Come on, I’ll do a quick walk through. And show you around at the same time.”

“Anything in here?” He asked. “Pictures?”

she inhaled and nodded. “Just the portrait of our wedding day. It’s over the mantle, if you don’t mind.”

“No.” He reaches over and pulls the picture down and carefully sets it in the middle of the floor. He studies it for a moment before clearing his throat and asking. “Ok, what next?”

So Kate took him through the whole house. Her silver was now able to be rescued. She grabbed Mrs. Changretta’s handmade Sunday tablecloths to wrap the silver in it. Then they went to the kitchen and Thomas helped her get the good crystal out of the cabinets and a few precious ingredients. Her homemade olive oil and the wheels of cheese. One of the men left to get some wooden crates to make the packing easier. She then went down to the wine cellar to grab four wines, one to be opened when each child married. But Thomas, being Thomas, ordered that every damn wine be brought on the plane! 

She then led him upstairs to where she grabbed her hope chest, which Thomas helped her tug outside the room. He then instructed that anything in the hall would be collected. She grabbed a few garments that held special meaning for her and left them on her chest. A few other previous things, gifts from Luca were added to the pile. She then went into the master bedroom and had Thomas grab the family picture of them all together that they posed for the year he died. She then had Thomas step out onto the balcony, so he could see the entire property. The vineyards had been burned down by someone last month, but it had been very beautiful once.

The children, had come up for their second trip when Thomas said to just leave everything outside their room. Kate reminded them to only pick important things and she’d replace things when they got to England. Luna was done, Luciano had a box that kept some of Luca’s belongings like his ties, cologne, cufflinks and a few of his hats. Romero and Angela were already done and helping when Thomas called time. She knew it had been longer than five minutes, but he wanted to get them out of here and she wanted to leave.

Thomas picked up Luna before reaching for her hand and Kate grabbed his hand. God, these last night had been absolutely terrifying and right now, everything was alright because he was here. Thomas hurried them outside and into the cart. Their suitcases were already loaded up and he set Luna in the back. The boys climbed in themselves, but he helped Angela in the back. 

She was getting in the back when he’d grabbed her around the waist and steered her the other way. “Up front with me Kate.”
Before she could protest, Thomas lifted her up and plopped her in the front seat! “Woah!” He shot her a look before going around the horses to untie them. “You…are being rather rough handed about all this, Thomas Shelby.”

“Yeah well,” he checked the trapping and the cart to make sure it hadn’t been tampered with. “don’t have time for that. Hold the reins.” She did. Thomas went around the back and pulled out two guns. Her eyes widened as he handed them to Luciano and Romero! “Right, I have a gun. Both of you, leave these on the ground, but if something happens to me, then both of you have to protect your sisters and mother. Once we get to the plane, both of you will give them back to me. Understood?”

they both nodded. “Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

"Remember how to use them?" They nodded. "Good lads." With that, he climbed up into the driver’s seat and exhaled. “We can argue about it later Kate, but I’m not taking any chances with you or the kids.”

“Alright.” This was a special circumstance. This wasn't playing around with guns for them. They were back there with their sisters and if someone jumped up on the wagon, they'd need to act fast.

“You have your gun?”

“In my purse.”

“Get it out, put it in your lap and keep your purse over it.” He pulled his gun out and kept it in his right hand. Thomas was able to direct the horses with one hand easy enough through the village, which was clearly his main concern.

Thomas flicked the reins and the horses went off into a brisk trot. Thomas leaned slightly forward and she could see that he survey the street. People, were all milling around, obviously curious as to what was going on. There were a few nasty looks, quite a few insults in Italian, which Thomas obviously didn’t understand, but he could guess. One man did decide to throw a brick at them, but Thomas shot him dead before he got to throw it. Everyone dispersed and left the body in the street. Thomas put his gun between them once they were on the road down the hill. He flicked the horses into a canter and they bounced along the road. He ran the horses for a good 10 minutes, then they reached the flatland where the planes were.

He didn’t stop cantering until they were right behind the plane. From there, Thomas stopped the horses and instantly freed them. She climbed down and confiscated the guns from the boys. Everyone grabbed their bags and began climbing down while the pilot got the plane going. Thomas grabbed her bags and got into the plane first. He then helped each child up into the plane. She got in last, but he got her inside. The copilot helped secure their luggage while Thomas got all the children strapped in. He strapped her in before himself and then he sat down next to her. 

The copilot checked everyone’s rigging before going to the front and telling the pilot to take off. God, she was so nervous about this. She folded her hands together and closed her eyes tightly, praying for this flight to go well.

“Kate,” Thomas said as he reached over and held her hand. She inhaled and looked at him as he assured her. “it’s alright. I’ve got you. I’m taking you home.”

That he was and yes, he did have her. She exhaled and relaxed a little. She’d been around him enough to know in those two years to know that when he put his mind to do something, he wouldn’t stop until it came true. And he was always, always willing to put his neck on the line. Today he had, not only for her, but for her children.

“Thank you.” She said loud enough for only him to hear. “Thank you, so much for coming after me.”

He nodded at her. He didn’t say anything, but she could feel it. She exhaled and closed her eyes. God, she was so tired, she barely slept at all last night. As if sensing it, Thomas guided her head to his shoulder. She brought her arm up, curling it around his forearm before falling sound asleep despite the loud engines. The nightmare was over, she and her children were safe. They were going back to England and Thomas had them. Strange, how the man she’d once considered to be her enemy was now her greatest source of strength.

Chapter 120: Safe and sound at home

“Kate?” Thomas gently shook her awake. “We’re here.”

“Hmm,” she stirred. “what?”

“Hey,” he said as he brushed her hair back from her face. “I brought you home.” She let out a little whimper as she shifted from her position where she’d slept soundly with her head in his lap. “Frances is getting the kids inside.”

“Oh.” She yawned. “I slept….all day?”

“Three hours.” He said as she sat up slowly. “You needed it.”

God, she was exhausted. Kate had clung to him in her sleep for the whole flight. The moment they landed in England, he’d carried her to his car and then got the children in the car. Their bags were all loaded on the floor. It wasn’t comfortable for them, but it was a quick fifteen-minute ride to the train station. Kate had slept through the whole train ride with her head on his shoulder. When he loaded her into his car, he checked her pulse to make sure that she was still alive. She was, just exhausted and stressed. 

He knew that the man had broken into the house and Kate had shot him. That’s what prompted her to call him. He was so glad that she did. All the kids had filled him in on what had been happening to them in Italy. Apparently, Kate’s visit to England hadn’t been well received by the locals who felt that she was ‘betraying’ them by staying in England so long. Tensions were building between England and Italy, so it was expected that they were inhospitable to her. The good news was that he had her now and that all of them were safe.

“You should have woken me.” She said as she accepted his hand to get out of the car. “I-I don’t remember anything.”

“It’s alright.” He assured her as she turned back, looking for her bags. “Your bags are inside, Charlie brought them in.”

“Oh, that was wonderful.” She turned towards his house and she stared at it. “Oh my, you’ve done some additions.”

“Yes. I added on two more guestrooms.” He exhaled. “I figured when you and the kids came back, maybe you’d consider staying over for the weekends.” Of course, if in the far and distance future they did marry, all the kids had their own rooms.”

“Two guestrooms?” Kate shook her head. “You added more on the side as well.”

“Yes, well,” he said simply. “Frances also needed a place to stay. She’s got no family you know, so, I also added quarters for her.”

“That’s very generous of you.” He said as he led her into the house. It was nearly 3:30 now, it wasn’t too terribly late, but she was still worn out.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“Better.” She said honestly. She yawned again. “Excuse me.”

“You probably didn’t sleep a wink after he broke in, did you?”

she shook her head. “No, I didn’t.”

“You needed to sleep. The kids were hungry, I bought them a few sandwiches on the train.” He let them have a few sweets and a soda as well. Kate probably would say it was too much sugar, but this was a stressful day for them so a little indulgence was allowed.

“I slept through all that?”

he chuckled as he opened the red front door for her. “You slept through me carrying you off the plane, into the car and then onto the train, the train ride and the off the train into the car.”

“Oh, God!” she blushed as she yawned again. “I don’t know how that happened. I haven’t slept that hard in a long time.”
Probably because she knew that she was safe because he was there. While she didn’t quite know it yet, a part of her trusted him. They entered the house to see Frances walking the children up the stairs. Thomas grabbed her bags and nodded. “Follow me up.”

She let out another yawn before stating. “I need a drink.”

“Speaking of drinks,” he said. “All your belongings are being delivered to Uncle Charlie’s yard.”

He could feel her frowning behind him. “Isn’t that out of his way?”

“Yes, but I figured that you didn’t want any Italian gangsters knowing where you live.”

“Fair point.”

“Duke, Curly and Uncle Charlie will be delivering the luggage on Monday.” He said. “I said you all would need time to rest and get things settled.”

“Yes.” She yawned. “I’ll have to start looking into schools as well.”

“You could always send them to Charlie’s school.” He said. “Good teachers, I’ve already vetted everyone so you know it’s safe.”

“That…would be a very easy possibility.” She said. “However, I’d like to meet them first. Talk to them, look at the curriculum and then see the costs of tuition.” He opened his mouth. “And no, you’re not paying for them to go to school!”

he chuckled. “Can’t blame a man for trying.”

“No,” she said as she gave him a swat on his shoulder. “but you are terrible. You’re supposed to save that money, not blow it all on me!”

“Well,” he opened her room and turned on the light. “some expenses are a pleasure to pay for.”

She gasped as she entered. “You redid my room?”

He shrugged. “Frances said the guest rooms were terrible. Figured I’d do yours in green.” What Kate didn’t realize, because there was a huge wardrobe covering the door, was that she was in an adjoining room. Her room joined his, as it was meant for the wife. He turned towards her and asked. “Do you like it?”

“Very much so.” She said as she ran her hand down the cherry wood bed frame. “It’s gorgeous in here.” He set her bags near the dresser as she walked around and looked at the room. Her room had been cream with green before, but this time the room was decorated more suitably for the country. Velvet curtains hung from the windows that overlooked the stream and garden below. He’d also expanded the backyard, adding a patio with a covering for some wisteria to climb up. “Oh,” she sighed as she looked outside. “it’s so beautiful out here. I’d nearly forgotten.”

He smiled inwardly. She approved of the house, that was a good sign. “Come on,” he held his hand out to her. “I’ll show you where the kids are. They each have a room of their own now. Charlie thought they’d like it.”

She shakes her head as she takes his hand. “I swear, you always want everything to be perfect.”

“Well, just trying to be a good host.”

“You do very well with that, Thomas Shelby.”

He said nothing as he held her hand and showed her into Luna’s room. Luna’s favorite color was pink, so her room was tastefully done in pink and cream. Romero’s room was red. Angela’s was floral, all lavender, her favorite color and plant. Luciano’s room was navy blue. The sound of children chattering came from Charlie’s room. Kate didn’t release his hand even as they stepped into the room. All the children were looking over Charlie’s assortment of games. They stood there for a minute, watching the children argue over which game they were going to play first. Charlie, was trying to be the older brother and making suggestions, but Luciano was being hotheaded and even Romero was cross with him. It felt like such a family moment that it seemed a shame to interrupt.

However, Luna noticed first and she broke into a big grin. “Mama’s up!!” 

And just like that, all her children bustled around her. Kate tugged her hand free and she checked with each and every child, making sure that they were all ok. She was one hell of a mother. Nothing got past her. Charlie stood there, awkwardly for a moment, but Kate noticed. After a few minutes of listening to the children chatter, Kate told them all to go unpack their bags. They all filed out and Kate went straight towards Charlie without even hesitating.

“Hello Charlie,” she said as she wrapped him in a tight hug, which Charlie eagerly returned. “how are you doing sweets?” 

Ah, she had a pet name for Charlie now. He hadn’t realized. “I’m good. You ok?”

“Yes,” she ran her hand through his hair. “your father got us out in time. He made sure I was able to get some very precious things out.” 

Charlie exhaled deeply. “That’s good. I’m glad you’re back.”

“It’s good to be back.” She admitted, causing him to be surprised. “I missed all you, far more than I thought I would. It’s nice to be back.”

“Hopefully, you’ll stay around more.”

“Well,” she exhaled as she wrapped her arm over Charlie’s shoulder and started to walk out of the room. How the hell did she manage to look so beautiful with only three hours of sleep? It was impossible, but she was. “you’ll have to tell me about your school. Your father was thinking that they join your school, if that wouldn’t bother you.”

“No,” Charlie shook his head. “it’ll be fun. But, the King’s School is an all boy’s school.”

She nods. “I guess I’ll have to look around for a school for the girls.”

“That’ll be St. Mary’s.” Thomas adds, causing her to look at him. “With things getting the way they are in Europe, figured I’d make your job easier.”

She nods. “Well, I’ll investigate that school too. One fun thing about you Thomas, you’re always miles ahead of everyone.”

Only because he was trying to stay a step ahead of her. He had to start planning things out in advanced with her or he didn’t have a chance. “By the way,” he said “I told cook to make everyone fish and chips.”

She perked up. “Tartar sauce included?”

He chuckled, yes, he still knew some of her vices. “Yes, tartar sauce included.”

“Good and tomorrow morning,” she said. “I’ll introduce you both to American pancakes.”

“Kate, you should rest.”

“I’ll be very well rested tomorrow, I assure you.” She yawned again and he chuckled at her. She rolled her eyes. “Shut it Shelby.”

Charlie laughed before looking at him and asking. “Dad, G-Men with James Cagney will be playing in a few days. Can we go see it?”

“Cagney?” That was Luciano, he poked his head out of his room. Charlie clearly had spoken loud enough to get Luciano’s attention. “James Cagney has another movie coming out?”

Charlie nods. “Yes, this one has to do with American FBI agents.”

Kate glanced questioningly at him and he shrugged. “Mama,” Romero asks. “can we go?”

“No!” Angela whined. “I hate gangster movies!”

“Hold on,” he said. “Charlie, what else is playing that the girls might like?”

“Well,” he frowned. “there’s Roberta, a new Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers---

“Can we go to that?” Angela asked. “Please!!”

"They dance so pretty!!" Luna said with a whine in her voice.

“Well,” she looked at him and asked. “are you accompanying Charlie?”

“Yes.” He wasn’t planning on it, but now he was. He knew what Charlie was doing. “Want to go in separate groups?”

“Yes, that’d make life so much easier.” She exhales. “I don’t care much for Cagney anyway, but you and the boys can watch G-Men We’ll watch Roberta.”

“And dad, I need another pair of trousers for school.”

He nods. “Right.” Kate exhales and studies the kids. “You need to do some shopping as well?”

“Yes, I didn’t grab enough of their clothes, so a few things are in order.”

He nods. “Right, so movie, shopping and then dinner afterwards.”

“Dinner?” She frowns. “Can you take the time off?”

“Yes.” He needed to rearrange a few things. “I’m not in the business full-time Kate, I can take some days off.”

She arches a brow and nods. “Alright then. When does the movie come out?”

He looked at Charlie. “The 18th.”

She nods. “Today’s the 16th. That’s perfect actually, but doesn’t Charlie have school as the 18th is a Thursday?”

Charlie made a face and he nodded. He shrugged. “Charlie’s been doing good in his classes. He can miss one day if there aren’t any tests.”

Kate frowns, but she nods in the end. “I guess not.”

“Yeah!!” All the kids exploded with the sound of merry laughter, causing her to laugh. “We’re going to the movies!!”

Kate shook her head and tried to quiet the children down. This whole experience, it felt strange. He remembered watching his brother’s with their children. It always felt like he was outside a window, looking in on a Christmas scene. This was the first time that he felt like he was actually inside the picture. Not only that, he felt like he was a part of a family. A family that didn’t want anything from him other than himself and that was probably the sweetest feeling that he’d known in nearly twenty years.

---

Thomas's new house

---

Chapter 121: Conspiring Charlie

“Do you have a suit Charlie?” Kate asked. “For special occasions?”

he frowns. “Such as? We don’t do anything.”

“I know,” she said as she looked through the suits. “but you’re becoming a teen and you’re going to school, I’m sure you have a few friends. If they ask you to come over for dinner or something, do you have anything to wear?”

Charlie shook his head. “Not quite.”

Kate looked at him and stated. “Charlie needs a suit.”

He shakes his head. “He hasn’t even gotten any invitations---

“He will.” She said. “You’ll thank me later. He’s a very handsome and intelligent boy.”

Thomas exhales. “Alright, fine.” Wasn’t worth arguing with her. “Charlie, you can get a suit.”

Charlie’s face lit up. “Thank you.”

He had a sneaking suspicion that Charlie had gotten a few dinner invites, but had turned them down. This whole family outing was going well. The movies had been good and the little shopping spree had turned into a family-shopping spree. Kate had already left several garments with a clerk who put them aside.

“Hold still.” He frowned as Kate held up a hideously bright blue tie. She smiled and nodded. “Perfect.”

“For what?”

“For you to wear.” She stated. “You don’t wear any color Thomas.”

“Black, gray, and dark blue all suit my needs.” He stated as he tried to put the tie back, but she wouldn’t let it go. “Kate, I’m not going to wear that.”

“You might. Besides, we’re all getting something. I can at least get you a tie.”

“I don’t like the color.”

“Matches your eyes.” She said simply before holding it up to his throat. “Charlie, what do you think?”

Charlie nodded. “Looks good. You should get it dad.”

“No.” He said firmly.

“Looks pretty.” Luna said, causing him to look drolly at Kate.

“Just what a grown man in my position in life wants to be told, eh?”

“She’s six,” Kate said quietly. “what other word is she going to use? Besides,” she smirks after giving his cheek a teasing smack with her hand. “you always had a kind of pretty face, so it works.”

“Pretty?” he said with a hint of irritation as she walked away from him, her hips swaying side to side. No, not swaying she was strutting and enjoying his indignation. “Really Kate?”

“Yes!” She said, with a witch-like cackle, which made him roll his eyes. She could be so f**king childish at times. It was annoying, but amusing  at the same time. She went back to where she was looking at the assorted ties.

She picked up a yellow and he said. “No.” She grabbed a vibrant red. “No.” She grabbed a pink one. “F**king no!”

“Language!” She said sharply.

“I’ll say worse to you if you get that tie!”

“I swear Thomas Shelby,” she said as she put the pink down and grabbed a deep purple one. “that you’re---

“No.”

“a child!!” She groaned. “You’re not fun to shop for.”

“You’ve got kids,” he points out. “shop for them.” 

She lets out a huff and picks up a forest green tie. She holds it up and says. “I’m buying this one…and you’ll deal with it!!”

He never wore that color. He didn’t like that color, but at least it was dark. “That one’s nice.” It wasn’t, but it was worth the look on Kate’s face when he said it.

She spun around and stared at him. “Oh, you!”

“Mama!” They both turned to see Luna holding a pink day dress. “May I get this one?”

“Please?” Kate reminded her.

“Please Mama?” Luna said. 

Kate exhaled and stepped over to her. She checked the dress and pursed her lip. “One size up sweetie.”

“Ok!!” Luna turned back to the rack. God, he hated shopping like this, but Kate was loving it and it was fun watching her love it.

“Dad,” Charlie said, drawing him out of his thoughts. “I figured out what I want for my birthday.”

“You’re not getting a car.” He said bluntly. Kate glanced at him and he wondered if it came off as a joke or not. 
Fortunately, Charlie took it as a joke and he laughed. “Funny, but I want to see 1066 and all that.” He had no clue what that was. “It’s playing in London.” Charlie elaborated.

“Theatre?” Since when was Charlie interested in the theater?

Charlie nods. “I loved the book. It’s funny, everyone says it’s a good production.”

He didn’t know where Charlie was getting his information, but he wasn’t going to question him. He nods. “Yeah, I’ll get tickets.”

Charlie smirked at him as he said. “Would you like to come too, Kate?”

Oh, his boy was smart. Kate, was caught off guard as she was helping Luna find something other than pastel colors. “I’m sorry, what?”

“We’re going to London on my birthday. Would you like to come along?” she blinked in surprise. “It’ll be fun with you along.”
Kate, was completely stunned. “Oh, uhm, I haven’t gone to a play in years. I don’t think I have anything to wear.”

“You could buy something.” Charlie said. “We’re out shopping.”

“Not the right store, Charlie, but,” he said. “there’s a good store on our way back home. You should be able to find something there.”

She bites her lip. “I-I couldn’t leave the kids unattended to go to London.”

“Leave them with Frances.” He suggested. “She loves having them around.”

she nods. “I’ll think on it.”

“Please come.” Charlie asked. “It’d be fun and I can wear my new suit.”

She glances at the kids. “Let me talk with them and then we can see.”

“Just go Mom,” Luciano said from where he had three shirts draped over his arm. “it’ll be fun. Dad used to take you to plays." Of course Changretta did. "You always liked them.”

“You haven’t worn a pretty dress in a while.” Angela added. “You look so pretty when you dress up!” All the children buzzed in excitement. “Please, mama!”

Kate exhaled and she shook her head. He held his breath as she studied all her children’s beaming faces. After a few moments, she said. “Alright!!”

All the kids squealed and he exhaled deeply. “You owe me,” Charlie said in his ear. “for that.”

He turned. “What?”

Charlie shrugged. “Don’t want to go to the stupid play, but at least it’s funny.”

He frowned. “Then why the f**k are we---

“Make sure you pick somewhere with a band afterwards.” Charlie said. “You can dance later.”

He shakes his head as he looks at Charlie. “You…little devil.”

“I’ll leave the list of what I really want at your desk.”

He nods. “Got it…as long as it’s not a car.”

Charlie smirks and walks off. His boy was crafty, he hadn’t realized that before. He was getting advice from somewhere, he just wasn’t sure where, but it was all good advice. So far, nothing could go wrong.

---

May 14th,

---

“Dad, you got the tickets?” Charlie asked from where he poked his head into the library.

“Upstairs, on the dresser.” He said from his desk. “Charlie, I need to finish this, alright?”

“Just checking!” Charlie said before closing the library door. 

Thomas shook his head. These papers could wait, but the truth of the matter was that he was a basket of nerves and since he couldn’t drink, he needed something to do. These papers were it. Kate had been in England for nearly a month and thanks to Charlie’s special manipulation, they got to spend a lot more time together. They did shopping, went for walks in the woods, picnics and actually went to see Johnny Dogs again. This time, it wasn’t a disaster. They were all starting to get really close and Kate, she was changing. Her apparel reflected that. She wore dark colors for the longest time. Now, she was starting to wear lighter colors. Nothing vibrant, but the gray, sage and lavender were a vast improvement from the black, brown and navy blue.

RING!!

He grabbed the phone. “Hello?”

Thomas? It was Kate. 

“Hi Kate. You find a dress?” If she was canceling, he was going to have a nervous breakdown.

yes, but uhm, she stuttered a little bit. I was wondering, could I come over an hour or ninety minutes early?

“Yeah, sure.”

I didn’t want to feed them in my evening dress.

“Kate,” he assured her with a laugh that hid his exhale of relief. She wasn't backing out of tonight. “it’s alright. I don’t mind if you come a day early. It’s all ok.”

Ok. She exhaled. I’ll call you before we get on the train. Ok?

“I’ll be here. Just show up when you feel like it. Alright?”

Ok. 

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.

Who the hell was at his door? He wasn't expecting anyone. “Kate, hold on a minute.” He stood up and peered out the window to see the front door….and there stood Lizzie with a cake in hand. Oh, just what he didn’t want to deal with right now. He exhaled. “Kate, I’ve got to go. Someone’s turned up and I’ve got to deal with them.”

Ok.

“And, it’s alright. They’ll be gone before you get here.”

Alright. Be careful.

He nodded. “Right, we’ll see you tonight.”

Goodbye Thomas.

“Goodbye.” He hung up the phone and exhaled deeply as Lizzie rang the doorbell. He moved towards the front door, ready to deal with another one of his sins from the past.

Chapter 122: Stepping out

Thomas exhaled deeply as he stepped out of the library. Frances was heading towards the door, but he held a hand up. “I’ve got it Frances. It’s Lizzie.”

Frances’s eyes widened. “Ms. Stark?”

“Yes.” He exhaled. “F**k, I do not need this now.”

Frances gave him an assuring smile. “I’m sure it’ll be alright.”

He doubted it. He exhaled and opened the door to see Lizzie standing there. She looked pale and tired, but he didn’t have time for this. “What are you doing here, Lizzie?”

“I’ve come to see Charlie.” Lizzie states. “So he’s not alone on his birthday.”

“He’s not alone.” He said. “I’m here.”

“Same thing.”

He exhaled tightly. “Lizzie, look, you should have called first.”

“If I had,” she stated. “you’d have said no.”

“I would have, because tonight, Charlie and I are going out to dinner and a play.”

Lizzie scoffed. “A play? Him?”

“Apparently, it’s about the history of England and it’s funny.” He said as calmly as he could, but he was getting upset with Lizzie. “Got box seats to see it.”

“You’re lying.” She said. “I know it.”

He groaned and poked his head inside to yell. “Charlie! Lizzie’s here, get the tickets and bring them down!”

“Yes Da!”

Thomas closed the door and turned towards her. “Look, I’m sorry Lizzie. It’s his birthday, it’s family time with him and me. You’re not family.”

“I was once.” She said bitterly. 

“He’s all I’ve got.” He said. “You talking to him and all that, it’s fine. But you’re not kin, you’re not blood and you’re not my wife anymore!”

Lizzie’s blue eyes flashed as she snapped. “You can be such a f**king ass sometimes!”

“Can’t be a surprise to you.” She exhaled and shook her head. Lizzie’d known him for a long time now, she should have known this. But she still managed to get upset by things that he said and did. Kate, she didn’t tolerate any of that. She was probably the only woman who’d ever dared to get in his face and yell at him. And damn, that woman could yell at him! 

He and Lizzie said nothing more to each other as they waited for Charlie to come outside. He glanced uneasily at him before handing him the tickets. Charlie must not have thought, for he grabbed all three tickets and Thomas only realized as he held them up for Lizzie to see. Lizzie’s eyes widened as she realized that there were actual tickets for tonight. Then, her eyes narrowed as she asked. “Why are there three?”

Charlie opened his mouth, but he cut him off. “Charlie’s invited a friend. She’s coming with us.”

“She?” Lizzie looked to him. “You have a girlfriend now?”

Charlie didn’t even have to feign disgust as he shook his head. “No! She’s just a friend!”

He took the tickets and handed them back to Charlie. “Here.” He said. “Take them back up, put them on my dresser. Ok?”

Charlie nods. “Ok.”

“Charlie,” Lizzie said. “I brought you a cake. I have a present for you too.” Charlie looked at him. “Maybe we spend the afternoon together?”

he exhaled. “Charlie, take the cake inside. I’m going to talk to Lizzie, alright?”

Lizzie shoots him a look. “What? You’re going to tell me off for bringing him a cake on his birthday?”

“No.” He said. “I’m going to have a talk about coming by unannounced and disrupting things at my house.”

“I’ve not disrupted---

“Lizzie, give Charlie the cake.” He exhaled. “If we’re going to fight, we don’t do it in front of him.”

Lizzie stared at him in surprise, but she gave Charlie the cake. “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you.” He gave her a half-hearted smile. “Looks lovely.”

“Your favorite,” she said. “Butter cake with strawberry filling.”

Charlie smiled. “Thank you.” 

Thomas opened the door and let Charlie go inside. “Have Frances put it in the freezer, alright?”

Lizzie shot him a look, but Charlie nodded. “Alright.”

He exhaled and closed the door behind Charlie. “Look Lizzie, I know you want to see him, but you can’t do that anymore.”

“After all this time,” Lizzie shakes her head. “with Ruby dead and gone, you finally decided to become a f**king father.”

“Lizzie,” he bit out. “I have things to do! Frances’ll freeze the cake, it’ll hold, you can come by Tuesday---

“Tuesday?” Lizzie states. “It’s f**king Thursday!”

he couldn’t help that. The kids were sleeping over tonight, most likely staying over on Friday as well, if he could swing it and then staying the weekend. They always left late on Monday’s so, it would have to be Tuesday. No one in his family knew that Kate was back in his life. He and Charlie had agreed to that on their own, so it was kept a secret. Frances had agreed as well. Kate was never mentioned. True, his family would have to know eventually, but he didn’t want any of them to come down on Kate until there was an understanding between them. If they came down on her now, she was going to run and he was going to have to say things to her that she wasn’t ready to hear. He'd tell them about her next year....maybe.

“I can’t help it Lizzie.” He said. “That’s why you should have called. The cake’ll hold. I’ll let the two of you have an hour in the back, you can have the cake and talk.”

“He doesn’t talk to me anymore.” Lizzie said. He stilled as he realized that Lizzie was upset, not just with him, but upset about Charlie. “It’s not the same. He doesn’t even call me ‘Mum’ anymore. He used to when we started, but, he stopped last month.” He knew why. Kate had returned and she was filling the maternal role in Charlie’s life as best as she could at this point. “His phone calls keep getting shorter and shorter. Now I find he has a girlfriend---

“She’s just a friend.” He said. “They don’t like each other like that.”

“You wouldn’t even know what to do if he started seeing a girl.” He exhaled. “You don’t even know what can possibly happen---

“Liz,” he was a bit harsh, so he exhaled. “Charlie is not going to get her pregnant. It’s all under control.”

“Nothing, is ever under control with you.”

He exhaled and went to go inside. “He’ll see you Tuesday. Don’t come round again without calling first.”

“Are you ever going to forgive me?” Lizzie asks, causing him to exhale. “Yes, I suppose I was partly to blame, but don’t you forget that she went and f**ked Changretta! She went and had his bastard!”

he inhaled and exhaled tightly. “I know that. But the fact remains Lizzie,” he turned towards her and stated. “if I hadn’t f**ked you in the first place, she’d have never left me. If I had fired you for getting into bed with a Changretta yourself,” her blue eyes flashed. “Grace would still be here. I blame myself for Kate, but you and I,” he shakes his head. “I don’t think either of us can get out of Grace’s death.”

Lizzie said nothing, she just stared back at him in shock. He said nothing more as he went back in the house. No more fighting. Fortunately, Lizzie saw that fighting was futile so she walked back down the path to where her car was waiting. He made a note to have a gate put down there. He was tired of unwanted visitors showing up. He’d put a guard station down there as well with a phone, that way the guard could phone ahead. Kate had four kids, extra measures would have to be taken now.

---

Oh God, oh God, she was going to be sick. Why? Why had she EVER gotten swayed by Charlie’s pouty expression and those damn blue eyes of his! Ugh, he wasn’t even a fully-grown man and he had his father’s sulking eyes. 

A knock on the door caused her to jump. “Who is it?”

“It’s me.” Frances said. “May I come in?”

she exhaled as she got up from the vanity. “Yes.” 

Frances came in and smiled kindly at her. “The children finished eating, they did the dishes and they’re all waiting to see you at the foot of the stairs.”

“Oh, God.” She exhaled. “I don’t know why I agreed to this.”

“Because Charlie asked you to.” Frances said with a smile. “It’s good to see Charlie like this again. Happy. You’ve been good for him.”

She inhaled. “He’s quite enthusiastic and adventurous.” 

“He wasn’t but,” Frances smiles as she reaches for Kate’s evening coat. “I think the children have been a big help. He’s missed his sister so much.” Kate nodded in agreement. Frances exhaled and said. “Well, I’ll go announce that you’re ready.”

“No,” she shakes her head. “no need to make a big deal out of everything. It’s Charlie’s birthday after all.”

“Well, you look stunning.” Frances said. “Lovely dress.”

Kate exhales. “It’s a bit plain.” 

“It’s perfectly lovely. And your hair, it’s practically glowing tonight.”

It should. She’d brushed it 100 times. She hadn’t worn makeup in a while, so, it had taken time to get ready. While she’d given birth to four children, running after those children and losing her husband had helped her maintain a slim figure. She exhaled as she surveyed herself the mirror. Her hips were very prominent, but she’d given up on that, besides, there was no one who’d be ogling her in this dress. It was plain and simple, no one would be looking at her. Her days of being in the spotlight were over.

She grabbed her gold, beaded purse from 10 years ago and decided to get this over with.

---

Thomas was straightening Charlie’s tie when Kate came down. He didn’t see her, but all four of her children started screaming loudly, even clapping. But it was the look in Charlie’s eyes that told him that she was quite stunning tonight. He turned to look at her … and he forgot how to f**king breathe.

Kate came down the stairs, one hand on the railing in a simple gray evening dress that did wonders for her figure. She had fake roses on her shoulder and she looked beyond beautiful, she was gorgeous. F**king hell, four children later and she still looked perfect. This dress enhanced those ‘imperfect’ spots that he knew that she hated, especially her arse. God, he wanted to touch her so badly. That was the exact moment he fell in love with Kate for the second time in his life.

“You look so beautiful, Mama!” Luna said as Kate came down the stairs.

“Thank you Luna.” Kate said with a smile on her face. “It’s a lovely dress.”

“You’re the one wearing it.” He said, causing her to blush. She wasn’t wearing any jewelry, so it looked a bit plain. He knew her, he knew she was probably trying to be invisible, but a woman like her was never meant to be hidden. He stepped towards her and said. “You look beautiful.”

She blinked in surprise as she stuttered. “T-thank you?”

“What?” he chuckled. “No one called you beautiful in a while?”

“Just Luca.” She said simply before adding in a low voice. “You never did.”

He felt awful. F**k, he’d treated her so badly in the past. He exhaled and said. “My mistake, I should have, several times.”

She shook her head. “It’s alright, I just…don’t know why you said it.”

“I’m finding in my ‘old age’,” he said, clearly mocking her calling him an ‘old man’, which she did frequently. “I’m getting soft. Anyways, I bought you something.”

Her eyes widened and she half-snapped. “Oh, no you didn’t!!”

“Yes, I did.” He stood behind her. “Close your eyes.”

“Thomas Michael Shelby,” she said, preparing to scold him. “you know that I don’t---

“I don’t care.” He cut her off and he half-ordered her. “Now, be quiet, close your eyes and let the kids decide.” Kate grumbled in Italian and he glanced at Charlie and the kids. “Are her eyes closed?”

“YES!!” Everyone chimed.

“Alright.” He reached into his pocket for the box. He tucked the box under his arm after pulling out the diamond necklace.

“Now, be sure to let your mother know what you think.” 

As he brought the diamond necklace up and over her head, the girl’s let out loud screams about how beautiful it was, both the boys look confused. Charlie, however, decided to applaud loudly to fill in their silence. “Great choice dad!”

“Thomas,” she shook her head. “I swear to God---

“Yes, I know. Now, keep your eyes shut, I’m going to move you to the mirror.” He placed his hands on her shoulders and she went where he guided her. “Right, open your eyes.”

Kate did and she froze. Her eyes got so wide that he thought for sure they were going to pop out of her head this time. She shook her head as she whispered. “Oh, my. T-Tommy, this…this is too much.”

“You’ve been away from England for nearly 10 years,” he explained simply. “fashion has changed. I recalled correctly, that you like to dress simply, so, I figured you could use this.”

She shakes her head. “I-I can’t accept it. It’s, I know it cost you a fortune.”

“But it’s so beautiful, Mama!” Angela said. “Don’t you like it?”

“I do,” she said as she ran a finger over the diamonds. He struggled to keep his mind from envisioning her in just that necklace. “but it’s too much.”

“The truth of the matter is Kate,” he said simply. “it was on sale at Cartier’s. A problem with one of the diamonds, so, it’s non-refundable.” She groaned and turned towards him. “So, you might as well keep it.”

She bites her lip. “I don’t know.”

“You look lovely.” Frances said as she handed him Kate’s forest green evening coat. “Now, all of you need to get going or you’ll miss the train!”

Kate couldn’t protest any longer. There were quick hugs and kisses before he took ahold of her elbow and hurried her outside. Charlie ran ahead and jumped into the front seat, leaving space for him and Kate in the backseat. Yes, there was a space between them, but they were together and every little moment was just one step forward into a future together.

---

 

Chapter 123: Secrets

“Gladstone, spent his declining years trying to guess the answer to the Irish Question. Unfortunately, whenever he was getting warm, the Irish changed the question.” Kate laughed at that quote as they began to exit their box seat in the theatre. “Oh, that was so funny! Who knew history could be so entertaining?”

“I know!” Charlie said. “Oh, I loved the book. The play was even more funny!”

she nods. “You’ll be sure to ace all your history tests after that.”

“Kate,” Thomas handed his hand out to her. “hand.”

“Thank you.” She slipped her hand into his and held on tight. “Been a while since I’ve worn heels.”

He tightened his grip. “I’ve got you.”

“You really do look pretty tonight Kate.”

She smiled. “Thank you Charlie, been a while since I felt pretty. Thank you for asking me along.”

“Wouldn’t have been as much fun without you, eh dad?” 

Thomas simply nodded. “Yeah.”

“There was something going on, she wasn’t sure what it was, but she could feel it. The diamond necklace around her throat was an unfamiliar weight to her. Kate fidgeted with it for a moment. As they got down to the foot of the stairs, Thomas paused and frowned. “Charlie, are there photographers out there?”

Charlie took a few steps forward and nodded. “Yeah.”

“F**k.” He groaned. “Harry and his f**king gossip rag.”

She frowned. “What is it?”

“You want your picture in the papers tomorrow?”

she shook her head. “No.”

“Thought not.” He exhaled deeply and looked around. “Here.” He undid his white scarf and put it around her head. “Use this.”
She nodded and readjusted it. “What’s the plan?”

“Charlie, grab her arm, I’ll hold her other arm and we’ll both go for the car. Charlie, you let her in first, then get in after her. I’ll get in next. Hold your hand up in front of your face, so they don’t take your picture. Alright?” She nodded as they both grabbed her arm. “Let’s go and Kate, keep your face down when you get in the car.”

She did. The moment they stepped outside, a camera went off. So many questions were shouted at Thomas as they hurried to get into their car. Some were political, some were asking about who she was and if things were serious between them. Fortunately, they were able to get into the car as Thomas said without there being any problems. After a few seconds after they pulled away, Thomas exhaled and said. “Alright, everyone can sit up now.”

Kate exhaled and undid the scarf. “Who was that?”

“His name is Harry Griggs. He runs this newspaper that gets in everyone’s business when it comes to society. I’ve been a recluse for the last two years so, I try to keep a low profile. Charlie’s too young to have his face in the papers.”

She hesitated before stating. “And you probably haven’t told Polly or anyone else that I’m back in town.” Thomas turned and looked at her, she could read him like a book now. “Right?”

He exhales and nods. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s none of their business.” He stated. “We’re friends, right?”

she nods. “Yes, but considering the circumstances---

“It is still none of their business.” He said simply. “Truth is…I don’t want the headache.”

She laughed and shook her head. “Well, that’s one way of putting it! Still, you will have to tell them eventually. Keeping things silent never helps anybody and people ALWAYS get caught!”

“Hmm,” he mused as he reached into his coat for a cigarette and lit it. He glanced at her, then he rolled down the window and threw it out. She smiled and thanked him. Thomas was trying not to smoke as much in her presence, but it was hard for him. She appreciated the gesture, but now she was suspicious that he had another motive. “I’ll tell them after Christmas dinner. When they’re all suitably drunk,” she shook her head. “and they’re all in a good mood.”

“Why not Christmas Eve?” Charlie asked. “Aren’t Kate and the other’s coming over for Christmas?”

God, this boy could make it hard for her. “Charlie, Christmas is about family---

“You were part of the family.” Charlie stated. “I missed having you..” her heart twisted. “Christmas won’t be as much fun without you there.”

“Uhm,” she couldn’t think of a thing to say.

“Charlie, don’t push Kate.” He advised. “Let her make up her mind.”

“I-I wouldn’t want to impose, though.” She said. “It’s your house. And your family.”

“Kate, the truth of the matter is that Christmas is very quiet at our house. It’d be nice to have all of you over for dinner.”
She hesitated. It had been a while since she’d made a traditional English Christmas, early 10 years. She hesitated and then asked. “What if we had Christmas together at my house?”

“No,” he shook his head. “I know you, you’ll be in the kitchen all day---

“No, not all day. I’d prepare most of it the night before.” Your English Christmas dinner’s are very easy to do.”

Thomas coughs and he turns sideways at her before asking, “ ‘Your English’ Christmas dinner are very easy?” she started laughing at how he mocked her. “What the hell does that mean?” She laughed. “Did you forget you were born in England, Kate?”

“I’m sorry!!” she said between her laughs. “It’s just…we did Christmas differently very over there. It was much like a lunch day feast instead of a dinner. But, yours would be easy.” She frowned and mentally started planning out the menu aloud. “Perhaps a turkey instead of beef? It’s lighter, so, everyone can enjoy the sides more.”

“Kate?” Thomas asked. “Does that mean you’re doing Christmas dinner?”

she paused as she thought on it. She exhaled and shook her head. “I think so.”

“Yes!!” Charlie cheered loudly, causing her and Thomas to laugh.

“But no promises,” Kate said. “it’s still May, which means Christmas is still seven months away. A lot can happen between now and then.”

Charlie sighed. “I suppose so.”

She paused, not wanting to disappoint him. She exhaled and said. “And of course, your father would have to promise,” she turned and shot him a sharp look. “not to buy any more ridiculously expensive gifts for any of us.”

“Kate---

“Especially, diamond necklaces!” She stated. “I feel like you robbed half of England to pay for this!”

“Kate---

“No more expensive gifts.” She stated firmly. “We’re not married anymore and it’s not right for you to buy me such things. Understood?”

“Yes.” He nodded for a long time before stating. “Charlie Chaplin is coming over for Romero and Angela’s birthday---

her head exploded. “Thomas!” 

“He’ll be in London. I asked him---

“Thomas---

“He’s retiring ‘the Tramp’.” Kate blinked in surprise. “He won’t be playing the role again. He’s agreed to do a five-minute performance for their birthday. They both love Chaplin and he’s an old friend of the family.”

She exhaled deeply and shook her head. “You…are terrible, Thomas Shelby. Terrible.” He shoots her an innocent look. God, I forgot how angry you make me! She grumbled. One of these days my head is going to explode.

It’s rude, Kate choked and turned towards Thomas, who was speaking…in Italian of all languages! to switch languages like that.

She stared at him in complete shock. “W-when…did you start speaking Italian?” Better yet, why was he speaking Italian to her?

“Oh, I don’t.” He said. “I just had your butcher teach me that one line for when you started speaking Italian.”

He was an arse. “Why you---

“And good luck finding someone to teach you Rokker!”

“You jerk,” she said. “you were always such a jerk!”

He laughed at her before turning to Charlie and asking. “Well, where do you want to eat?”

“Here!” Charlie said, pointing to a diner of all places.

“Right pull over and let’s get out.”

Kate shook her head. Thomas and his moods. God, she forgotten how they could vary from time to time.

“Flowers?” A flower girl said as they got out of the car. “Buy some flowers for your wife?”

Kate choked. “God, there’s a horrid thought!”

“She’s not my wife.” Thomas said. “Family friend.”

“Oh, then some lavender, sir.” Kate froze at those words. “Or some violets---

“No thank you.” He reached for her. “Kate, let’s---

“Lavender, please.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a pound. The girl’s eyes grew wide as Kate handed her the money. “Thank you.”

“I-I can’t change that.”

“It’s alright,” she said. “keep it. I’ll take one bunch of lavender.” The girl handed her a nice bunch, tied with a green ribbon.  Green like Luca’s eyes. “Thank you.”

“Have a good evening ma’am.” The girl said.

“Thank you.” She closed her eyes and inhaled the rich scent of lavender. Oh, how she loved the smell.

“Kate?” Thomas said. “You alright?”

“Hmm,” she opened her eyes to see Charlie and him string at her. “oh, yes, I’m sorry. I was…just remembering the first time that I ever got flowers.” But today wasn’t about her, it was Charlie’s birthday. She shook her head and took Charlie’s arm. “Come on, let’s get you fed. You’re still having growth spurts and I think if we keep feeding you, you'll get taller than your dad!”

Charlie chuckled and he started talking about getting on the cricket team. Kate listened with a smile on her face as her husband reminded her from the grave that she still belonged to him and she was still glad to be Luca Changretta’s wife.

Chapter 124: Moving on

Lavender. He never cared for lavender, always thought it smelled funny. So it was strange to see Kate get all sentimental over such a revolting plant. It had to be a connection with Luca, there was no other reason. Yes, she’d focused on Charlie afterwards, but he could see in her eyes that she was back with Luca. After eating, he got her back in the car along with Charlie. Only once they got on the train, did the conversation lag. Kate pulled off here evening gloves, revealing that she still wore her wedding ring. It had been two years and he’d removed his from his hand long before then. True, he wore it in a chain around his neck. Only when he ‘died’ had he removed the ring and it had been burned in the fire along with all other relics of the past. It had never been found.

When Charlie left to use the restroom, he said. “I didn’t know you liked lavender. I’d have thought roses were your favorite.”

“Luca only bought me roses on my birthday and our anniversary, special occasions.’ She was silent a moment before saying. “The day you and I talked on the phone, where I told you I wanted a divorce, Luca took me to the movies. I remember, getting mad at the ticket girl because she noticed Luca was Italian. I nearly bit her head off and Luca broke a guys nose in the movies because he pulled my hair. He took me back home and I didn’t see him for a week.” He frowned. That was strange. It was a movie date. Why not call her? “I thought he was upset about having to cause a scene on my account, but, that wasn’t it. He was giving me space to sort my thoughts and I didn’t realize that. So, when he showed up a week later, I lost my temper. Luca, actually apologized to me and explained. He stayed over and helped me paint the house. But before we began painting, after I accepted his apology, he gave me lavender.” So, that was the connection. “It was the first time, I’d ever been given flowers.”

He frowned. “John never gave you flowers?”

“No, he was practical. He bought me other things like books and candy, but he said flowers died and it wasn’t a good use of money.” She shook her head. “Never got any from Sabini or you, so, Luca was the first.” He was a bastard. No matter how he tried to tell himself that he wasn’t, he was. “It’s a good memory, Thomas. Lavender makes me smile.”

“Lavender, is Angela’s favorite flower.”

“Yes,” she explained. “we had a lavender bush in a pot on the front door, you may recall it.” He did. It was a big thing. “Luca bought it for me as a wedding present and Angela loved it. They’d tend the garden together. We always thought she’d take over the wine business.” After a pause, she said. “Speaking of wine, I never thanked for you for getting all of his wine, the cheeses and other things.”

“I told the men to load up whatever it is they’d want their mother or sister to be able to take with them from Italy.”

“You did good.” She said. “They got a lot of things that I didn’t dare to bring along. I really appreciate it. It was a wonderful thing you did for me.” 

He simply nodded at her. “It was no big deal.”

She was silent for a minute before she inhaled before asking. “Thomas, I have to ask you something that’s been bothering me since you put this necklace around my neck.” 

Oh ,God he knew exactly what it was. He nodded and asked casually. “What is it?”

She inhaled and asked. “You’re not…having feelings for me, are you?” f**k, she knew! How the hell did she always know!? She couldn’t look at him and he was glad for that. “I-it could be in my head but…this is a very expensive gift.”

“Kate,” he tried to keep it simple. “it was just a diamond necklace that I got on sale.” No, it was custom-made, but he’d never tell her. “You saw lots of women wearing diamond necklaces tonight.”

“But nothing like mine.” She said simply.

He exhaled. “I’ve always had expensive taste Kate, you know that.”

She inhales and exhales. After a few moments, she says. “You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s just…I can’t tell sometimes with you.”

He studied her as he talked. “Why?”

“You’re hard to read, always have been.” She said. “I know that sometimes you say things just to shock people, other times you say things that are so outrageous that they have to be true. Other times you say nothing, but even when you say nothing out loud, I can feel when you’re holding something back. So, it’s hard to know where one stands with you.”

Oh, she knew him well. She didn’t think she did, but she did. His heart pounded in his chest as he asked her. “You doing alright, Kate? Is something bothering you?”

She was silent for a long time before whispering. “Luca doesn’t come to me anymore.” Oh. He knew what that meant. Grace hadn’t come to him in a long time. After burning that wagon of all his treasures, it was as if his soul had been cleansed. He’d finally been absolved over the guilt of Grace’s death. If Luca wasn’t coming to her…she was moving on from Luca’s loss. That’s why she’d jumped on the lavender so tonight, she’d taken it as a sign that he was still with her. “I haven’t seen him since we left Italy. I miss him.”

He nods as he places his hand on hers. “I know.”

She inhales before asking. “Did you ever see Grace?”

He nods. “Yes, but I haven’t seen her in a few years.”

She was silent before whispering. “What does it mean?”

He knew that she knew why Luca didn't visit her anymore, she just didn't want to believe it. He inhaled before stating. “For me, it meant that I’d finally accepted her death and I was moving on.”

Her face fell. “I-I don’t want to move on.”

“None of us do.”

“But, he,” she inhaled. “why do I need to move on? I have no reason to move on! Why would I even think of moving on from him? No man was ever like him.”

She was getting upset now. “Kate---

“I’m serious. He wouldn’t even touch me the first few months we were courting. The first time we kissed, I practically had to beg him to kiss me!” God, he couldn’t imagine Kate doing that and he didn’t need to. “And when we did, Luca actually held onto the door to stop himself from coming inside!” ok, yeah, there was something wrong with Luca Changretta. If Kate had been that willing with him, he’d have had her. “No man has ever, ever, treated me with such respect!” the way she said that, made it clear that he was under the category of men who never treated her with respect. “Why would I ever want to move on from someone him? No one else could ever measure up to him and any man that tried would be a fool!”

alright, so he was a fool. He knew that. He always was when it came to her. He was silent before stating. “Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting. Just means…you’re moving on from the grief.” 

She shook her head in disappointment. She wasn’t ready to move on, she wanted to, but she kept stopping herself because she was being unfaithful. He now got to see what Kate had endured with him, when she was watching, waiting and hoping for him to fall out of love with Grace. Now, he was in the same boat and it was absolute Hell. No wonder she’d hated him so badly towards the end. Despite her claims that she didn’t, he knew better. No one could feel this much and not feel any anger or hate towards a person. It wasn’t possible.

At that moment, Charlie came into and they were spared any more conversation on the subject. But she wasn’t ready yet, there were moments where she seemed like it, but the thought of moving on terrified her. So, he had to wait and wait he would for as long as it took her to fall in love with him.

---

The following morning

---

Who the f**k is that, Thomas? Lizzie shouted at him. You lied to me that Charlie was going with a friend!

Yes, Harry Griggs had managed to get a picture of all of them, but fortunately, Kate had pulled the scarf over her face and bent over far enough that her face was covered. Harry hadn’t been able to get a decent photo as a result. The headline was less than illuminating. ‘Recently divorced, reclusive MP, was spotted in the company of mystery woman!’ The whole article was a ton of made up speculation about who she could be. Kate had been wearing her gloves, so her wedding ring hadn’t been visible. Charlie had briefly been mentioned, but only to rule out that Kate wasn’t Charlie’s girlfriend as she was too old for him. All the women in his life read that filthy gossip, so, he wasn’t surprise when the phone rang with Lizzie angry.

He exhaled and said. “Lizzie, you’re not my wife, she’s a friend to Charlie and me, so I didn't lie to you. It’s none of your f**king business.”

You don’t have female friends. You’ve never been friends with a woman because you don't know how to be!

Well he hadn’t been until Kate. He had no choice but to be friends with her. “Liz, it’s none of your business. I’m hanging up and if you call me about it again, I’ll only let you see Charlie for 30 minutes instead of an hour. Understand?”

Yes. She half-snarled at him.

“Bye.” He hung up and his phone rang again. “Oh, f**k!” he grabbed it and barked. “Hello!”

well, hello to you as well, big brother! It was Ada. Oh, God, everyone was going to be calling him. How are you?

“Are you calling to ask about the papers?” he said. “I don’t have time for this Ada.”

Ada went silent before asking. What papers? He exhaled. Oh, you mean the article about you, Charlie and the mystery woman?

“Yes, Ada,” he bit out and I’ll tell you the exact same thing that I told Lizzie when I got off the phone with her. She is just a friend and it is none of your business!” there’s a knock on the door. “Hold on.” He spoke a little louder. “Come in.”

The door opened and there was Kate. “Hi.” She smiled, looking lovely in her olive green dress. “We’re going out to the barn for a bit.”

He nodded. “Right, I’ll be out in a minute. Just on the phone with my sister.”

She nods. “Alright.”

As she starts to shut the door, he says. “Have the stablehand saddle up Misty, she completed her training yesterday.”
Kate smiled. “Oh, Luna’ll be glad to hear that, but I’ll let you tell her that news yourself, alright?”

“Right, I won’t be long.” Kate nodded and closed the door as he lifted the phone back up to his ear. “Right, Ada.”

Is she there? The woman?

He exhaled. “Yes, she’s visiting.”

Sounds serious.

“She’s an old friend of mine.” He said simply. “None of you would know her, she’s visiting with her kids.”

Kids? Ada let out a laugh. Oh, God. I’ll just tell everyone to relax then.

“Why?” he frowned slightly. Why should the fact that Kate had kids be a reason for them to relax.

No offense big brother, but you have your hands full of Charlie. Can’t see you getting serious with a woman who has…how many kids?

“Four.”

Four! Ada laughs. Christ no. You wouldn't get involved with a woman who has children because children make everything difficult in a relationship, I’d know! Karl still hates Elizabeth to the point where he won’t even acknowledge that she’s his sister.

He hesitated for a long time. He wanted to talk to someone, he needed to. He inhaled and asked. “Ada, can you keep a secret, even from Poll if I asked you to?”

Why? What’s the secret?

“I can’t tell you.”

Does it involve the mystery woman?

He exhaled as he admitted. “Yes. I need someone to talk to…can’t be Poll or Arthur.”

So, you’re trusting me?

“Yes, if you won’t say a word to them.” He exhaled. “I’m not ready to tell them yet.”

She was silent for a long time and then she promised. I won’t say a word. I promise.

He exhaled. “Right, get on the train and come here. Bring Elizabeth as well, she has a daughter near her age, they might get on all right.”

Ok, but you’re being very mysterious about this Tom.

“I have a reason Ada.” He said simply. “You’ll see when you get here.”

Alright, I’ll see you shortly. Goodbye Tom.

“Bye.” With that, he hung up the phone. He wasn’t a praying man, hadn’t prayed in years. But the moment he hung up the phone he began to pray to God that he hadn’t made a mistake in asking Ada to come over.

Chapter 125: Misty and Ada

“When is it my turn?” Romero asked.

Kate inhaled and said patiently. “Misty is Luna’s pony. I’m sure she’ll let you all have a turn as soon as Thomas has finished teaching her.”

“It’s taking forever!” Romero whined.

She didn’t blame him. Luna had loved her pony, but the moment it got time to get on her, she’d freaked out. Thomas had been very patient with Luna and he’d talked with her while she led Misty around the arena with him beside her. That had taken a good fifteen minutes. Then, he got her onto the pony and she’d frozen up. Thomas again, had taken the time to talk to Luna and after ten more minutes, they’d finally started walking around the arena, with Thomas instructing her. He was so very patient. It was strange to see him like this, exhibiting fatherly traits. She never got to see him like this, even with Charlie. 

Luna was now finally trotting with Thomas running along beside her. When Luna looked at Kate, Thomas stopped running and moved to the center of the small arena he’d clearly built after they left. It was amazing, the way his mind worked. Luna had freaked out a little bit when she realized that Thomas wasn’t there. Thomas had taken control and gotten Luna to continue trotting around the arena, while directing her to continue. It was strange, to see how close Thomas and Luna had gotten. Luna trusted him and she didn’t trust strangers easily, but she’d practically fall in love with Thomas.

The sound of a car approaching, caused all of them to turn and look. Thomas, didn’t move right away, he kept his gaze on the car. “Luna, come here. Charlie, take my place for a bit. Once Luna’s tired, Angela’s next, then Romero and Luciano.”

“Yes.”

Thomas nods and moves to get out of the arena. Kate turns towards him and asks. “Do you know who it is?”

He nods. “Ada.”

She stared at him. “Ada?”

He nods. “She called, I asked her to come over.”

She was surprised. “I thought you were waiting till Christmas.”

“That’s with the others.” He inhaled. “Ada, it was different. When the truth came out about why you left me, she refused to talk to me for a whole f**king year.” Kate was surprised by that. “Both she and Linda, felt that you deserved to be with Changretta. So, she’s agreed to keep this a secret.”

“Did you tell her it was me?”

“No.” He shook his head. “I told her to bring her little girl, Elizabeth.”

She smiled. “Ada remarried?”

“No. He was killed before they could marry. Elizabeth is a mixed child, quiet like Luna. Karl hates her cause of her skin.” Kate shook her head. God, children were always so complicated .”Figured that Luna and Elizabeth might get on.”

“I hope so.” She said. “That must be hard on Ada.”

He nods. “Yeah.” 

The car stops and Thomas steps in front of her, keeping her slightly hidden from Ada. Ada gets out of the car. “Tommy! My, you look well! Anything to do with the mystery woman in the papers?”

Kate flushed and tugged at the collar of her dress. “Ada, she’s just a friend.” Thomas sounded irritated, which was good. Regardless of his words last night, she was still curious if there were any feelings on his part. Ada hugged Thomas and he exhaled before turning. “Right, Ada, you remember Kate.” Ada froze and stared at her in complete shock. “Kate, you remember Ada.”

Kate swallowed as she nodded. “I do.” She inhaled as she said. “It’s been a while, Ada.”

Ada was shocked. “A-a very, long,” Ada turned to Thomas and asked. “her? Of all women ,you’re seeing….does Changretta know?”

“Luca’s dead.” She said. “He died in 1933.”

Ada blinked. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” And Kate honestly believed her. Ada studied her and said. “Thomas, why don’t you introduce Elizabeth around. Kate and I’ll be inside for a bit.”

He nods. “Alright.” He picks up Elizabeth with an exhale. “Right, come on.”

Kate smiles before turning and walking towards the house. She didn’t feel ill at ease with Ada as she would have if it was Polly in the room. Kate cleared her throat and said. “I brought appuntamento sul ponte vecchio from Italy. It’s a green tea with pear, rose,  marigold, and jasmine.”

“You speak Italian now?”

she nods. “Yes, Luca taught me and so did our neighbors.”

“Well, if one’s moving to another country, it’s best to learn the language.” Ada nods. “Yes, that tea sounds nice.”

Kate cleared her throat and said. “I can imagine, that you’ve got a lot of questions for me.”

“Yes, but,” Ada said. “it’s been nearly 10 years and I didn’t really get to hear about what happened. Tommy was so angry about everything that no one could talk to him. So, I'd like to know how the two of you met and go on from there.”

She cleared her throat. “Well, I did meet Luca once before, at the Halloween party that Thomas and I threw. John had invited Lizzie, Thomas kissed her when she arrived.”

“What an arse.”

“It was a long time ago.” Kate explained. “I went out to the garden and Luca was there. I was crying, he stopped to talk to me and make sure that I was alright. When the fireworks went off at midnight, he kissed me and I let him. He heard Thomas coming and I asked him to leave.”

“You didn’t know who he was?” Ada asked as she removed her hat before entering the house.

“No.” She said. “Luca didn’t tell me that was him, I figured it out months later.”

“How did you wind up with him? Thomas made it sound like you’d left and he’d picked you up.”

“Two of his men kidnapped me. I did hear Thomas’s offer to Sabini and I didn’t stick around to hear more.”

“I don’t blame you.” Ada said. “All of us thought what you did at first, that he was going to get rid of you. After everything that you’d been through, I understand why you ran.”

They walked down the hall to the kitchen. The cook no longer came on weekends and Frances was outside watching the kids as well so they could talk in private. Kate filled up the kettle. “So, his men knocked out and I woke up in Luca’s hotel room. He recognized me instantly, but I didn’t know. One of his men had fractured one of my ribs, so, he sent for a doctor who took care of me. His mother, witnessed my back, so they talked and agreed to spare me from the vendetta.” 

Ada nods. “That makes sense. Some people theorized that you’d slept with Luca.”

“No.” She shook her head. “Not for many months after.”

“I knew it.” Ada said firmly. “I knew you weren’t like that.”

“I wasn’t looking for romance with him.” Kate put the kettle on the stove and turned it on. She then grabbed two cups and two spoons. “For the first two weeks, I only saw Luca twice. When he dropped me off at my house and then he took me to talk to Thomas on the phone.”

Ada frowned. “The way…I’m sorry, Tom made it sound very different.”

“I know, but, I wasn’t looking for love and Luca knew that. That day, he took me to the movies, but he wouldn’t sit next to me. Luca always maintained his distance and I appreciated that about him. After that following week, he came over and he stayed to help me paint the house. We talked about many things, got to know each other better and we became friends. That was all we were until I got on the boat for America.” She exhaled. “I knew I made a mistake in leaving, but I didn’t want to admit to myself that I had feelings for Luca.”

“Understandably.”

“I was still married to Thomas, I had hell with Sabini, I’d lost John and having feelings for someone like Luca, it was impractical. Frankly, I didn’t think he’d even love someone like me, especially since I was married to Thomas at the time. But then,” she shook her head. “he had a nickname for me. Actually, he had many nicknames for me, like canary or parrot. In the garden, he called me a sparrow in Italian. He thought he said parrot, they sound very similar but he said sparrow on the phone when I got to America. So, I knew that was him in the garden, so I got back on a boat back to him the same day.”

Ada laughed. “Really! It’s nearly a week long trip!”

“I know,” she inhaled. “but I knew I was falling in love with him and I knew with the vendetta on that anything could happen to him. I think…I always knew that I wasn’t meant to have him for a long time. That’s why I came back to him. I went straight to his hotel room and we talked. He admitted to having feelings for me and Luca said he wanted to court me, which we did with his mother’s blessing.”

Ada shook her head in surprise. “So, while all of that was going on in the vendetta, the two of you found each other.”

“Yes. As you know, I had trouble conceiving with Thomas.” Ada nods. “Turned out Sabini was impotent.”

Ada exhaled. “Oh, thank God! Not, because of what he did but, I’m glad you didn’t have that f**kers child.”

“I am as well.” She exhaled. “Luca had my doctor accompany me to a specialist, who took notes for him.” Ada’s brow arched in surprise. “We had to give up alcohol, certain foods and I honestly didn’t think that I would get pregnant. But, we did somehow.

I was shocked. I didn’t think I would ever become a mother.”

“But you did, four times.” Ada smiles as she says honestly. “I’m happy for you. Were the two of you happy?”

she nodded. “Very. Luca was a good man, he would rarely raise his voice to me and if he did, he promised to always keep a table between us so I’d feel safe.”

Ada nods. “That’s sweet. I’m glad to hear that. Tommy, I love him and all that but he isn’t an easy person to live with.”

“No, he wasn’t.” Kate said. “But, I hope you don’t blame him anymore for what happened during the marriage.”

“Well I did, for him bringing Lizzie in the house for you to see!”

Kate exhales as she runs a hand through her hair. “Well, I’m very glad he did now. If he hadn’t…I’d have never been in that garden and I’d have never met Luca.”

Ada exhales and nods. “You’re right.” The kettle started whistling, so Kate stood up and grabbed the kettle. She handed Ada the tin of tea. Ada opened it up and inhaled deeply. “Oh, that smells lovely.”

“Would you like the tin?” She asked. “I have more.”

“I shouldn’t,” Ada said. “but I’m going to.” After fixing their tea, Ada asked her. “How did Luca die, if you don’t mind my asking?”

she didn’t. “He had a heart attack, two days after his forty-seventh birthday.”

“Forty-seven?” Ada gasped and placed a hand on hers. “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that Kate! It must have been so hard for you.”

“It was.” She inhaled deeply, not wanting to cry anymore. “The doctor said, two of his heart valves were closed. So, when he had the attack, it killed him instantly.” Her voice started to break as she confessed. “When I-I woke up…he was dead, but he,” the tears she didn’t want to shed started coming anyway. “he, he was still holding my hand!”

“Oh, Kate.” Ada stood up as Kate started crying. 

“I-I’m sorry, I don’t---

“It’s alright,” Ada said as she wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “it’s alright, I understand.” She hadn’t had a moment to cry in private except for when she’d buried Luca and the few moments she could steal away at night. But even then, she wasn’t able to let everything out because if the children or Thomas heard, they’d come running. At one point, Thomas did come in and Ada said. “Get out, Tom.”

“Is she---

“She’s alright.” Ada said. “Go on, close the door on your way and keep the kids busy.” There was a pause and Ada snapped. “I mean it, Tom! She doesn't need you right now! So, go!” he did so with a huff, but Kate was too upset to care about his feelings. He closed the door and Ada ran her hand up and down her back. “You just let it all out.” 

So she did.

Chapter 126: Sisterly advice on grief

“And, that’s from our last anniversary.” Kate said as Ada touched the ticket that was taped to the album. “He surprised me with a trip to Verona. We stayed there for nearly two weeks.” She inhaled. “We were thinking about going to Venice for our seventh, but…it never happened.”

Ada nodded as she turned the page. “You both look very happy, Luca especially. There isn’t a single photograph where he isn’t look at you like he’s in love with you.”

Kate smiled as she ran her finger over his face. “He always looked at me like that, except when he was upset. At night…that was a different kind of intensity.”

“I can believe it. It was like that with me and Freddie.” She smiled sadly before stating. “There was never anyone else for me after him. I knew it when we were kids.” Ada exhaled. “We spent too long in waiting. Only had three years together. Had one child because we thought we had all this time in the world.”

“It always feels like you have all the time in the world.” Kate said quietly. “Then you wake up without them…and can’t help but wonder if you missed and wasted time together. Had I gone with Luca from the moment he kissed me, I’d have had two more months with him.”

Ada nods as she says. “I should have run off with Freddie before the war. I said I’d wait for him, but I loved him. He could have come home on leave, seen me without Thomas or the others interfering. Could have had several children, instead of just Karl.”

Kate hesitated before asking. “But, you have Elizabeth.”

Ada nods. “I do, I love her dearly.” She exhaled .”I didn’t love her father, not in the way that I loved Freddie. Didn’t even cry when Thomas told me that Ben was dead, not in the way when I lost Freddie. I was pregnant with Elizabeth at the time.” Ada turns to her. “I think my regret, was not being honest with him. I loved him, but I wasn’t in love with Ben, not as I should loved him.”

Kate exhaled as she says. “I’m still in love with Luca.” Ada nods. “But…I think he’s angry with me right now.”

Ada frowns. “What? What makes you think that?”

“He used to come to me in my sleep, talk to me, but…he doesn’t anymore. Not since I left Italy. As long as he was my angel in the night…my memory of him could never die.” She inhales. “I think…he’s mad at me because I couldn’t hold our family together.”

“You held your family together.” Ada assured her. “You got them out of Italy alive.”

“Only because I used Thomas.” She shook her head as she said. “They were always enemies. He must hate me for turning to Thomas of all people.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t think that way.”

“Thomas says I don’t see him anymore because I’ve moved on. But it doesn’t feel like it! I still search for Luca and his touch, every night.”

Ada shook her head. “Tommy wasn’t even married for a year, he doesn’t understand this. He has his grief, but he was mourning more than the life they never had. He was mourning the two years that he lost because he let her go.”

“It feels like I’m betraying Luca sometimes, by even being here in his house. Sleeping in a room with him just a few feet away. It doesn’t seem so very long ago that Luca was the one protecting me from Thomas.” She inhaled. “I know, he’s changed, but I still remember how cruel he could be to me. Sometimes when he touches me I want to hit him, regardless of how innocent or helpful the gesture is.”

Ada exhales. “You will always feel like you’re betraying him, no matter who the man is. And from what you told me, it sounds like Luca would have wanted you to use Thomas to escape. He put the vendetta on pause twice to ensure your safety. He could have killed him easily if he wanted, but he wanted you safe. You were the priority and you made sure that his children were the priority. You kept his legacy safe. That’s the greatest thing that you could have done for him.”

She exhaled. “God, I hope you’re right.”

“He has two sons that’ll carry on the Changretta name.” Ada said firmly. “He covered you with his own body many times, that man wanted you to live and he was willing to die to make sure that you were safe. Even when he was bleeding, he STILL tried to protect you. He’d have wanted you to do ANYTHING to protect yourself and his children. You have to know that.”

“I do, it’s just,” she inhaled. “some days----

“You miss him more.” Ada said. “I know, I miss Freddie harder on some days.”

She was silent before asking. “Is it truly possible to move on? Thomas thinks he has and that I can, but…I can’t imagine being with anyone else. I can’t imagine letting another man getting close enough to me, or trusting him to kiss me, much less sharing a bed with him! I-I can’t!” Ada nodded. “I haven’t seen another man that could take his place. Not just satisfy me emotionally and physically, but I’d need to trust that man. Not just with myself, but with my children. I trusted Luca the way I trust my lungs to keep on breathing. My children have to love him as well and I expect him to love my children back. But, I don’t think I can try that with any man.”

“And that’s alright. You don’t have to.” Ada exhaled as she picked up her tea. “If all else fails, you can try with Thomas again.”

Kate laughed at Ada’s dry joke. “Oh, God no! That was a disaster and this could be even worse. He’s better and I don’t mind this sorta friendship we’ve built up, it’s a nice distraction. But I don’t see him welcoming my children, he’s got enough on his hands with Charlie as it is. Well, he loves Luna and Angela, but I don’t think he can love my boys. My sons won’t love him either. They are polite, but they do not like him. Luciano, especially has a strong dislike for him. I chose my children over any man, no matter what the circumstance.”

“But, what if you fall in love again and they don’t like him?”

“I’m not going to fall in love again, it’s impossible. Besides,” she exhaled. “I don’t think any man can fill Luca Changretta’s shoes. I’m happy with these memories of him.”

“Strange how the memories can be more satisfying than a man in the flesh." Ada said with an exhale. “I think you and I got the last two princes to walk the earth and we’re not settling for the rabble.”

Kate laughed. “Indeed.” There’s a knock on the door. “Yes?” Luciano came in and he glanced at them. “Yes, Luciano?”

“Is dinner ready yet?”

Kate gasped. “Oh, it’ll be ready in a few minutes. I just have to put the lasagna in the oven. But, you all should come in, get cleaned up.”

Ada stood up. “You need any help?”

“No, I’ve got this, but if you could make sure everyone gets cleaned up, I appreciate that.”

“Of course.” Ada smiled as she squeezed her arm. “It’ll get better in time.”

“So everyone says.”

“There is no clock on how long one should or shouldn’t grieve. You take as long as you need. It was your heart that got broke and Luca put it back together after so many others trampled it to death. It’ll be ready when it’s ready.”

Kate smiled at her. “Thank you.”

Ada smiled and then turned to Luciano. “Right you, why don’t you show me where the wash room is?”

“It’s this way.”

Kate knew that Ada knew where it was, but she was giving her space which she needed so badly. But there was no way for some space. She could only keep moving forward and try not to fall into the pit of the past. God if only Luca would come to her tonight! She needed to talk to him, needed to feel him just once more.

---

Thomas went to step inside the house, but Ada met him. “There you are Tom. A word?”

He nods as he set down Luna and Elizabeth. As he suspected, they both got along well. Ada smiled at both girls before stepping outside. He knew what she wanted to talk about. “Is Kate alright?”

“No.” Ada said. “But I’ll get to her in a minute. I’ve come to talk to you about your behavior.”

He frowned in confusion. “What are you---

“The diamonds. The touching.” Ada said. “I saw the way you looked at her when you introduced her to me!”

“Ada---

“God! You are still in love with her!” Ada said firmly. He opened his mouth to deny it, but she cut him off. “Don’t even bother to deny it! I can see even if she can’t! And do you know why she can’t see it? She’s still in mourning! And you’re over there pining for her and going after her!” Ada shakes her head. “You need to back off Tommy.”

“Ada---

“No.” She says firmly as she holds up a hand. “I am warning you, she is not ready for this. She isn't ready for you or any other man. She is still deeply and I do mean deeply in love with Luca. If you go after her now, she will run and she will run far.”

He inhales. “She is not deeply---

“She is.” She said. “We sat in the kitchen, crying over photo albums and she talked, I mean really talked in depth about how much she is in love with him. She told me about how he talked to her, the nicknames he had for her. Have you even seen the photo album?”

he exhaled. “No, not yet.”

“She doesn’t want to share that with you yet, Tommy. She’s not ready.” Ada shook her head as she exhaled. “I’ll be honest Tommy, I don’t think she’ll fall in love with you, ever. I don’t know if you can get your hands on that photo album without her seeing it, but she brings it with her every weekend. You can see just how much they loved each other, especially Luca.” Ada shakes her head. “Christ Tommy, I didn’t know it was possible for a man to love a woman as much as that man did, but he did! You can see it in every single f**king photo! Even the spontaneous ones, he’s looking at her like she’s a goddess!” 

“You exag---

“That’s actually what he called her. His goddess.” Ada stated. “He called her his goddess. He told her frequently how he loved, adored and worshiped her. Thomas,” Ada exhaled. “you could never, in a million years measure up to that man!”

“I don’t need to.” He stated firmly. “She fell for me once the way I am, she’ll fall for me again.”

“Thomas…she can’t.” Ada stated. “For you, it’s been nearly 10 years that you’ve been pining after her. The problem is…she lost her husband for two years. She hasn’t thought of you since.” Ada shakes her head. “I have a limited time to say all this, but if you want her, it’s going to take her far longer than two years to even consider you. She won’t even consider you now! Not after what she's shared with him!”

his heart jumped. “Did you say something Ada?”

“I brought up that she could always marry you, in jest of course.” Ada sighed. “She said no.” 

He exhaled. “Ada, you can’t say things like that. Of course she’s going to get defensive.”

“Tom, she laughed.” He didn’t want to hear that. “She said it was impossible. That your marriage was a disaster and that you can’t love her children.”

Those words hurt. “She said that?”

“She said you could love her daughters, but you and her boys, you don’t like each other and they don’t like you.” 

He exhaled and said. “I’m working on it.”

“You can work on it all you want, Tommy. But they don’t like you and she’s a mother, through and through. She says that any

man that her children don’t like, she wouldn’t consider marrying them.”

“Even if she loved them?”

Ada nodded. “Even if she loved them. Her children come first.” Ada studied him. “Tom, you’ve always wanted to be first in the relationship, but if you continue, be aware that you’ll never be first in her life. Luca was first in her life, now her children are first in her life. You’ll always come second to them. You need to think about what falling in love with her would mean.” Ada placed her hand on his shoulder. “Tom…I don’t think it’s worth it. You have to let her go.”

He shook his head. “I can’t.”

“You did once.”

“I had a reason back then. That reason no longer exists, Ada.” He said. “He’s gone now.”

“So was Grace when Kate told you that she was in love with you.” Ada reminded him. “No one is ever truly gone and that man is not gone from her life. You have to wait.”

The door opened and Charlie came out. “Kate said dinner’s almost ready.”

He exhaled and said. “Charlie, tell her not to set a place for me. I’m going for a walk.”

Charlie frowned. “Is everything alright?”

He glanced at Ada who nodded. “Something’s come up, he needs to think on it for a bit.”

“Ok,” Charlie said. “I’ll make sure to save something for you.”

“Thank you my boy.”

With that, Thomas walked off the porch and headed towards the stables. He led his horse out of the stable and hurried off into the forests. It was still light enough, he’d find his way back before it got really dark. 

Ada gave him a lot to think on. Yes, Kate wasn’t ready to be loved  and he knew that. He’d just never considered the possibility that she never wanted to be loved again. But she deserved to be loved and she deserved to be happy. He didn’t know what he had to do, to say to her or how long he’d have to wait before proving to her that he could love her. He wanted to love her, there was so much love in his heart for her and it was meant for only her. He knew this. He hadn’t felt anything like this inside him for years. The ache, the love for her, it had never, ever gone away. 

She was so sad, so lonely and so empty that he wanted to take it all away from her. He wanted to kiss her, to love her and hold her until all the darkness inside her was driven away. She’d been so lonely and sad for years that she didn’t deserve this. He wasn’t like Changretta, he could never be that kind of man. He hadn’t been able to love her as she deserved back them. He was now and he was willing to wait until she was ready and once she was, God help him, he was going to have to do his best not to drown her in all the love that she deserved. 

Chapter 127: Realization

It was late when he got back. The sun had set and the moon had come out. Fortunately, it was a full moon tonight so he’d been able to find his way back without any problems. When he returned, Ada’s car was gone. The children had gone to bed and there was a lone light on in the parlor. Kate was probably up waiting for him. Ada could say that she was grieving, but Kate wasn’t acting like she was other than on the odd occasional day, but that was normal.

He came into the house and sure enough, Kate was in the parlor sound asleep on the couch a blanket over her. Clearly, she’d nodded off while waiting for him. She must care for him, she never waited up for him before when they were married. He shook his head as he came around the couch to look at her. She was sound asleep and exhausted, crying always wore her out. He didn’t know what Ada had said to her, but Ada had been very clear in telling him to back off. Kate occasionally had her suspicions, but he hadn’t pursued her, as he wanted to. He made sure that he was available to her and there for her to lean on him, which she did do! Yes, he loved her but he wasn’t pushing her.

As he came around to the front of the couch he saw the photo album, right on the table. Thomas picked it up and sat down beside Kate. She stirred, but didn’t wake up. It had a white cover and it said, 'the story of our love' on the front of it. He opened the book and got instantly greeted by photos of Kate on her wedding day to Luca. Sure enough, as Ada said, Luca was staring adoringly at Kate. But it was Kate’s facial expressions that caught him off guard. He'd never seen her like that before. She was happy, sure, she was happy now, but this was a different kind of happiness. It was as if every inch of her was alight. She was practically glowing.

He continued to look at the photos. The first few pages were of their wedding. The first kiss, the first dance, the cake, Luca had his hand on Kate’s stomach, confirming that she was pregnant. Someone had managed to sneak a photo of Luca leading Kate up the stairs to their bedroom, clearly planning on making love to her. One photo that surprised him was the one of Kate being naked in the bed. She was asleep on her side and while her arm covered her breasts, the sheets were barely covering her lower body. No, her entire body apart from her vagina was on display. He stared at that photo the longest because she was finally at peace. She’d never slept that peacefully before. He glanced at her now, she was in the same position now, but she was closed off. Her arms were tight around her and there was tension on her face.

The next few photos were of Kate getting closer to giving birth. Someone snapped a photo of Luca pacing outside their master bedroom, looking frantic, so he was waiting for Luciano to be born. When Luciano was born, they seemed to get happier if that was even possible. The photos of Luca, Ada was right. There wasn’t a single photo with her where Luca wasn’t smiling. There was one photo where Luca was carrying water and he looked up clearly as Kate had snapped the photo. He was dirty and shirtless, but he looked at Kate as if he were seeing heaven. He remembered feeling that way when he looked at Grace. He felt that way now, but it was slightly different. Then, there were trip photos of her, Luca and Luciano. 

Anniversary photos with little momentos like tickets and hotel brochures taped to album. The way Kate dressed, it was surprising to him. She’d always dressed simply, yet modestly around him. With Luca…she had no problem showing off her body. In Paris, she wore one dress that plunged down to her navel, revealing her cleavage. Surprisingly, Luca’s eyes never left her face and his hand held onto hers. The next photo had been snapped spontaneously of the same moment, Kate was gazing lovingly at Changretta who was kissing her hand with that same expression on his face.

Naturally, there was another naked photo of Kate sleeping in Changretta’s bed. She sleeping with her mouth open, face down in the bed and her curvy arse the air. He’d f**ked enough women to know that Luca had taken her from behind. Kate had said she hated that position, yet she’d let Luca take her like that. He could see the sheets were bunched up and wrinkled, right under her hands. Her hair hung down her scarred back in a bunch, letting him know that Luca had her many times that night. It then dawned on him that Kate was actually naked in these photos. This wasn’t a family scrapbook; it was her personal one. But she was naked, he’d never seen her naked before but she’d shared her body with Changretta. 

The next photos were of her pregnant with the twins. There was a photo of Luca helping her up the stairs, another of him doing dishes with a smile on his face. One was down with her in the vineyard, clearly celebrating their first success with the wine. Kate was applauding and looking at something, but Luca was looking only at her, with that same expression on his face. Kate was still deeply in love with Luca and her expression shown when Luca got on his knees to press a kiss to her growing belly. There was another spontaneously snapped photo from that moment, when Kate was running her hands through his hair and he was looking up at her. 

He wasn’t this kind of man. He wasn’t the kind of man Luca Changretta was and he finally understood what Ada meant. He wasn’t the type of man who could quote Shakespeare, tell her that he loved her daily and frequently. He wasn’t God with words, try as though he may. He would never, ever measure up to the kind of man that Luca Changretta was. Now, he wondered if it was even possible for him to be the kind of man that she needed. She clearly required a lot and he didn’t think he could give it to her. When she’d asked him for the smallest scrap of emotion from him, he’d fled because he’d know that she was going to ask so much from him. That was back then. He hadn’t thought about what she’d be asking for him now if she were to agree to enter into a relationship with him.

He kept browsing through the photos and he saw what Ada meant. No matter how random the photo was, there was always this expression on Luca’s face. Kate had snapped one when Luca was in their bed, the sheets resting just above his hips and there was a smile on his lips and that stupid match between his lips. The next photo was of him was reaching for Kate with a clearly heated expression on his face. Clearly, she’d managed to snap that one before Luca pulled her back into his bed and made love to her for what had to be the millionth time. No wonder they had four children, despite her claiming that they were all unplanned! 

He flipped through the photos, watching as more family friendly scenes filled the notebook. He didn’t know why there were so many photos of them. They must have had cameras in the house, but still he’d have never thought to bring them into the bedroom. Then, Kate was pregnant with Luna. There were photos of Luca in the hospital with Kate. He’d fallen asleep in the hospital chair, his hand held Kate’s hand tightly while they slept. Luna was premature; he remembered her saying that, so the pregnancy must have been really rough on Kate. Luca played the role of the supporting and doting husband because that's who he was naturally. Thomas was never that kind of man.

There were more family photos until the end. The final photos had been taken on Luca’s birthday. Kate had kissed Luca when he was sitting down, her hands grasped his face as she kissed him with a passion that she’d never let him see, even when she thought she was in love with him. Luca had pulled Kate into his lap and run his hands up her back and into her hair. Mrs. Changretta must have had control over the camera as well. The last photo was a testimony how nearly seven years of marriage had only increased their love for each other. They were nose to nose, Luca was clearly saying something to Kate that was personal and Kate’s lips were parted. They both looked at each other the same way they did when they married, but it was much more intense. That was the last photo in the album and he closed it. 

He exhaled as he set it back on the table and leaned back. He wasn’t expecting that. He wasn’t expecting to see this unrealistic, fairytale of a life with Changretta, but there it was. 

I’m going to take her and give her the life that you couldn’t. Not that all of its was planned…it all just happened. So, you can keep your business and live another f**king day. I’ll be leaving with the most valuable thing you owned and f**king lost.

Those words from the past came back to echo in his head. Changretta had done just that. He hadn’t lied. He’d made one hell of a life with Kate and the photographs showed it. He hadn’t wanted to admit it to himself, that Changretta had honestly been able to escape the life and give Kate everything she wanted. Kate had always wanted the basics to be loved and have a family. Luca had given her more than that. There was clearly passion, adoration and attentiveness towards her. He’d been a caring and supportive father. The light that Kate had in her eyes when she was with Luca in these photos were gone. She’d changed drastically and he hadn’t seen it because he hadn’t seen who she had been. She looked the same way she did when she’d first come to him, lifeless and empty. The only difference was that she laughed and smiled, but she had to because of her children. 

He hadn’t wanted to hear about Luca, not in the full sense because he hated to hear about his failures. He was a man who had no limitations, but he did when they came to her. He’d limited himself and by limiting himself, he’d starved her. Luca had fed, nourished and drowned her in a love that he couldn’t give. Kate had been so happy in Italy, he doubted that he could ever make her happy like this which is what she clearly deserved. Luca had opened himself up and poured every spark of love that he had into Kate to nourish her and she had flourished under his love. Now, without him, she was withering away like he had when Grace died, but hers was much deeper because she’d loved longer. Luca had given her everything that he could and none of it was material. Kate was her happiest when Luca was doing little things like kissing her belly, washing the dishes, or he was just looking at her. Kate dressed simply, no adornment of any kind other than her wedding ring, which she still hadn’t taken off. And she wouldn't not for a long time, if ever.

He needed to think on this. He’d thought Kate had been ready, but he hadn’t seen who she was with Changretta. She was a very different woman and she wasn’t that woman now, nor would it be likely that she could become that woman with him in her life. 

He stood up and prepared to leave the room. Kate was exhausted, so he wouldn’t disturb her. As he went around the couch, Kate mumbled something, and then she gasped out. “Touch me.” He frowned as he looked at her. She was thrashing, no; she was moving her body as if she were being made love to. She let out a moan. “Please, please.” He placed his hand on her forehead and she shuddered. “Luca.” That name was like a knife to his heart and he instantly removed his hand from her. A sharp, yet stark reminder that she wasn’t his to touch. He backed away slowly, listening to her as she begged her in her sleep. Another reminder of the past. She'd always have nightmares and her body would go through everything. Except this time, it wasn't a nightmare that she was remembering. “Luca! Luca please!” Kate bolted upright, reaching out and he knew that she was reaching for Luca. “Amore, please!”

But Luca wasn’t there. He knew that. He’d reached for Grace often enough in the night to find her gone. Kate let out a sob and covered her mouth. She leaned forward, burying her face in the blanket to muffle her sobs. He wanted to go to her, wanted to console her, but he knew he didn’t have that right. Not yet.

With that, he turned and walked out of the room. He went up the stairs and into her room. He turned on the light and sure enough, the diamond necklace was sitting on the vanity. He pocketed the necklace and left Kate’s room. He went into his room and closed the door loudly enough so she’d know that he was back. Fifteen minutes later, once she’d had a good cry, she’d gone upstairs.

He looked down at the diamond necklace in his hand. Kate hadn’t loved it. 10-1, she wouldn’t even notice that it was missing. The necklace was worth a fortune, but it meant nothing to her. A simple bunch of lavender had meant more to her than a custom designed diamond necklace. He was going to sell it and invest it in something that actually mattered to Kate. But the one thing that was finally clear to him was that Kate needed more space than he could give her. That left one option for him. He had to leave. He couldn’t stay here and be near her like this. It was too much. Ada had been right. It had only been two years for Kate, he'd been missing her far longer. He ached to take her in his arms and love her, but he couldn't do that yet.

June was approaching, school would start up again in August. That was just two months he had to get through. The very day that Charlie was back in school, he was taking a long trip to America and he'd be coming back next year. He'd send for Charlie, they'd spend Christmas in America. It wouldn't be the Christmas that they wanted, but it was what she needed. She needed to be put first and he needed to learn how to do that. He wasn’t sure if he was going to do a good job, but he was going to try.

Chapter 128: More mind games with Thomas

August 1st,

---

“Kate?” Thomas poked his head into the parlor. “Can I talk to you for a minute in the library?” She paused from where she was playing Go Earth with all the children. He shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong, just need to talk to you.”

“Alright.” She stood up and said. “Charlie, I need you to play for me. Ok?”

“Yes!” He said.

“Make smart decisions,” she said. “buy any property that I land on.”

“Yes, Kate,” he laughed. “I will.”

“Hurry back.” Luciano said.

“I’ll do my best.” Kate hurried towards the library. It was a rainy day today and Thomas was supposed to be joining them for games, but something had sidetracked him in the office. 

She entered and he turned towards her. “Can you shut the door, please?”

She froze for a moment, but did as he said regarding the door. “Ok, you’re making me nervous.”

“It’s alright.” He said. “Just don’t need the kids hearing.”

“Now, I’m really nervous.”

“Kate,” he cleared his throat. “it’s alright. I just got a call regarding some business in America.” She nodded as he said. “I’m going to be gone for the rest of the year.”

She froze. “What?” she wasn’t expecting to hear that and for some reason, she was angry with him. “What do you mean?”

“I’ll be leaving the day after Charlie goes to school.” He stated calmly. “I’ll be back next year---

“Next year!?” She half-shrieked at him, causing him to frown. “Are you serious!?”

“It’s business, Kate.”

“Business!!” She said. “What about Charlie!?”

“I’m going to talk to him,” he said firmly. “I’m going to explain everything. He’ll understand.”

“You’re going to leave him for six months!!” She pointed out. “He is NOT going to understand that.”

“You have no way of knowing that!” He said.

“Yes, I do.” She inhaled and asked. “What brought this on?”

“I can’t tell you.” He said, causing her to scoff at him. “It’s business and you’re not in that life anymore.”

She inhaled and demands. “What are you going to do about Charlie?”

“I’ve paid for all his school needs for the rest of the year. Now, the reason why I’m talking to you is I’m going to be making up a key to the house for you.”

“What?” all the air whooshed out of her at those words. What was he up to?

“You and the kids, you all have a set routine. I don’t want Charlie to get too lonely, Luna has her pony and maybe if you want to go to the movies or something, Frances can accompany Charlie up here. That way he won’t totally be alone.”

She stared at him. “But, what about your family? Won’t they wonder?”

“Ada knows the schedule. I’ll call her, ask her to call and check in with him. Polly and Arthur aren’t going to be coming down here, not with their own business going on. No one’ll know that you’re here.”

“And Lizzie?” she asked. “Charlie finally told me that she was here on his birthday.”

“I told her, no visits while I’m gone. The man at the gate has been instructed to turn her away if she shows up on days that I haven’t arranged. You, are to be permitted on all occasions.” He said simply. “Life’ll go on as it has been, I just won’t be there.”

She glowered at him. “I don’t like this. I have a feeling that there’s something wrong and you’re hiding it from me.”

He exhaled. “What I’m not telling you, is for your own safety.”

“Of course it is!” She stated before exhaling deeply. She rubbed her brow. He was going to be gone for six months. She didn’t want to fight with him, but she was angry. This was beyond irresponsible of him, but she didn’t have the right to get mad at him like this anymore. She wasn’t his wife. They were just friends. She exhaled again before asking. “Will you be back for Christmas?”

he shook his head. “Not likely.” She shook her head in disappointment. “If you don’t mind…I’d like for Charlie to spend it with you, if that’s alright.”

“Yes, it’s alright with me.” She said. “What about Halloween? Can he spend it at my house too?”

he nods. “Yes. If you keep a list of expenses---

“No.”

“Kate, I can pay you---

“You are not going to pay me for taking care of Charlie.” She said firmly. “It’s beyond insulting of you to even ask!”

he exhales and nods. “Alright, I won’t. But since I won’t be here to buy him Christmas gifts, I’ll leave you some money in an envelope. You can buy him, the kids and yourself a few gifts from me.”

God, he still hadn’t learned. She stood up and shook her head. “I don’t give a damn about your money. You want to give Charlie the best Christmas gift? You get your ass back here by Christmas!”

“Kate,” he said as she stomped away from him. “I have a reason---

“You always have a reason! I was married to you once, remember?” she shakes her head in disappointment. “Ten years later and you still haven’t figured out that your money is absolutely worthless!”

and with that, she slammed the door behind her and Thomas swore. God! She wanted to smash his face in with a rock! She stormed back into the parlor and every single kid turned and looked at her. God, she should have taken a moment. Charlie asked. “What happened?”

she inhaled and exhaled, trying to find a state of calm. “Just…a disagreement with your father. I need a cup of tea and a few cookies. Anyone else want some?” everyone’s hands shot up. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

She was able to make a smooth exit to the kitchen. When she entered, Frances was removing the whistling bronze kettle from the stove. She stared at Frances who said, “Mr. Shelby said you were probably going to want tea after he spoke to you. So, he asked me to get the kettle going.”

“God! He’s such a bastard at times!” Kate half-spits in fury. “Did he tell you how long he was going to be gone?” Frances nods.

“Six months! He’s going to miss Christmas!”

“You know how he is.” Frances said. “He’s spent nearly every day of his life working and it’s hard for him to stop.”

“I know that and I also know he stops for no one, even his own son.”

“He’d be here if he could and you know that.” Frances said gently. “He’s changed a lot and I know that he doesn’t want to go, but he has to.” After a few moments, Frances added. “You know how protective he is of Charlie. Before, he didn’t even allow you to call him your boy. Now, he’s giving you a key, he’s asking you to look out for him and take care of the house. That means he trusts you. I hope you realize how important that is.”

Kate exhales. “I do, it’s just….God! Six months! He’s going to be gone for six months!”

“Well, he’s lucky to have a friend like you who cares.” Frances says. “Not even Lizzie cared when he was gone for months at a time when they were married.” Kate had a very funny feeling that she was in a trap again and she wasn’t sure how. “It’s nice that the two of you have been able to become friends again, especially after all that business.” Frances shook her head before stating gently. “I don’t mean to overstep, but this is his life and his house, he still has to run it as he wishes and he doesn’t need your approval or disapproval.”

Frances was right, but she was still upset with him. It was a dirty rotten thing that he was doing to Charlie. Not to mention, she had to go in and break the news to all of her kids. Luna would be absolutely devastated upon hearing that he’d be gone for six months! After getting the tray together, she went into the parlor to be greeted by the sound of Luna wailing her eyes out. She came into the room just as Charlie stormed out of the parlor and up into his room. She exhaled and turned towards Thomas. Angela was crying silently. Romero and Luciano couldn’t give a damn. 

God, that man knew how to f**k up a life like no one else could. And she was now questioning herself for letting him even back into her life!

---

October 31st,

---

“OUCH!” Kate shouted as she burned her finger for the third time on the stove. “Damn it.” She muttered as she stuck her finger into her mouth.

“Mama?” Luciano called.

“I’m alright!” She said. “I just burned my finger again!”

“Do you need help?” Angela asked again.

“No!” she said. “Keep an eye open for Charlie and Frances.”

“Ok!”

they didn’t celebrate Halloween in Italy. The first and second days of November were the day of the dead, which was close enough. She decided to cook that food tonight instead. Zuppa alla canavesana, Bagna cauda, chestnut risotto, fresh bread, fresh broccoli along with Ossa dei morti and gingerbread for dessert. She thought at the time that it wasn’t too big a deal ,but now, it appears that she’d bitten off more than she could chew.

She was still angry at Thomas for abandoning Charlie the way he had. It was a disgusting and loathsome thing to do! Surprisingly, Charlie after talking with Thomas had taken the news well and that was beyond mind boggling for her! Charlie said that Thomas talked with him twice a week and sent him things from America, so it wasn’t too bad, but she didn’t believe it. Charlie was missing his father and he tried putting on a good face regardless.

Thomas called home every Sunday when they were over there and he talked to everyone, even Luciano and Romero. Both boys had finally shown an interest as Thomas described all the places that he was visiting in America. He talked to the girls the longest and then Charlie. She was still angry with him, so she always made up an excuse as to why she couldn’t speak with him on the telephone. But she did holler good wishes at him from the kitchen and he sent messages back to her.

“Uhm, Mama!” Luciano ran into the kitchen. “Frances and Charlie are here, but there’s three men with them!”

she frowned and set down the spoon. She hurried into the parlor and peered outside. One of the men was Johnny Dogs, so she relaxed. “It’s alright. I know them. You can let them on in!” Luciano opened the door and she wiped her hands on her apron. “Hello, what is---

“Right over there, fellas!” Johnny said as he pointed to a spot by the window. He had a large clay basin, for a planter in his hands. He walked over and set it down. “Does it get sun here?”

“Yes, it does,” she frowned in confusion. “but why---

Angela screamed. “OH MY GOD!” Kate spun around to chastise her for swearing, but Angela said. “Mama look!! Look!!”

Kate looked and she grabbed ahold of Johnny's arm before she nearly fell over. Johnny's two men came in…with the pot containing the lavender bush that Luca had bought her as a wedding gift when they’d first married. Kate covered her mouth in pure shock.

Johnny laughed as he said. “Tommy said you’d be shocked. Sent all the way to Italy for it! It arrived last month, but he said to wait until the 31st. You like it?”

She inhaled. “I think… I’m gonna faint.”

“Oh! Can’t have that!” Johnny moved her to sit down as the men set the pot in the corner. Kate inhaled as tears started to flow down her cheeks.

“Here.” Charlie said with a smile. “Da said to give this to you.” She didn’t know how she opened the letter, but she did.

---

Dear Kate,

Just a note to let you know that I traded your diamonds for something that meant much more to you. You may want to keep it inside for a few months. It was barely alive when it got picked up, but the locals said it had rained so like you, it was able to survive. I had people take care of it until it could be delivered to you. Maybe this time next year it can be outside on the front porch. I’ll see you when I get back.

Happy anniversary,

Thomas Shelby.

---

He’d remembered. But…this was Thomas Shelby. He didn’t, he didn’t do things like this! He didn’t care about thing like this! And, it was, he’d wished her a happy anniversary! He hated Luca! He’d almost killed him and he hadn’t cared that Kate was on top of Luca, pregnant and begging for his life to be spared! He hated it every single time she brought Luca up so she’d tried not to mention Luca in his presence as much.

Now, not only had he taken that diamond necklace and used it to retrieve a very precious gift from Luca, he’d had it delivered on her anniversary! Kate sat there staring at the letter in her hand trying to understand what one did when the world stopped turning.

---

Pardon typos, I'm hanging over the edge of my bed because it's the only comfortable position I can be in right now!

Chapter 129: Easy to remember

December 10th,

---

Hello?

“Hey Charlie,” Thomas said as he leaned back in his chair and looked out over the Pacific Ocean from his hotel room in Los Angeles, California. He hated the states, but what could he do? He’d done several major changes and Polly, as well as Michael and that useless wife of his were going to have his head when he got back. “how are you doing my boy?”

I’m doing good.

“How was the history test?” he inquired. “You do good?”

I got a B plus.

He grinned. “Good for you! I know you were worried about doing well. And mathematics?”

I got an A.

“That’s great Charlie, I’m very proud of you.”

Thank you dad. Charlie exhaled before confessing. I miss you.

His heart twisted. “I miss you too Charlie, I can’t wait to see you again.”

Everyone misses you, Luna especially. Charlie exhaled and he said. I think…even Kate misses you dad.

“No,” he shakes his head. “she’s mad at me and she has a right to be. It’s alright, I’ll fix it with her when I get back.”

She’s not mad, not anymore, not since you brought her the lavender. She really loved it. Charlie said. It’s different. She stands by the phone now and listens in to the conversations. It's like...she wants to talk to you, but can't make herself pick up the phone. So, she just listens to your voice.

He nods. “That’s good to know.”

Dad, I think you need to come back. I know, we agreed that you’d give her some space but…I really think she misses you. 

He exhaled deeply. “I need to think on it Charlie. I do have a few things to finish tying up. I’ll be back by New Years, alright?’

Alright, but, Charlie said. I don’t think coming early would be a mistake. I know you wanted to give her some space and yes, it was a very good idea, but, she’s lonely dad. Yes, I know she has all of us, but…it’s not the same, dad. Christmas is on a Saturday. She won’t know because you call on Sunday’s. There’s still time to surprise her.

God, it was so tempting. If Kate was missing him, which would be a surprise because he knew that she was angry with him. He didn’t blame her, he gave her practically no warning and from her point of view, he’d just up and left his son. Charlie had been upset at first, but when he sat down and explained to Charlie that Kate needed some space. He said that Kate was still in love with Luca and wasn’t ready for romance yet. Charlie, who was maturing fast for his age had actually asked if he was doing alright. He was honest, he said he wasn’t so he needed some space as well because it was hard for him to be around Kate and hide his feelings for her. He and Charlie talked in depth about how long he’d be gone and what he was doing. Thomas had made the decision to shut down a majority of his ties is America, specifically, those also associated with Michael. Things had been getting tenser and tenser between him and Michael since Michael tried to take over. Polly had been holding him at bay, but it was only a matter of time before he tried to have Thomas take him out. So, this way he was able to cut out more than half of Michael’s profits.

He exhaled. “I’ll think on it Charlie, I promise. I don’t want to ruin things by pushing her before she’s ready.”

Ok. Also, Charlie exhaled. I don’t think Kate likes to be alone. You said she was alone a lot before she married Luca. I know that lots of people hurt her, so…I think she likes having someone who loves her around.

He shakes his head. “You’re starting to sound like Polly.”

He chuckled. I don’t think she knows you love her. I just know that she misses you dad. You should come home.”

“Like I said, I’ll think on it Charlie. Don’t forget, if I f**k this up, she won’t be your mother and you won’t get four siblings.”

You’re right dad. I just…I hate waiting.

“That’s where you and I are the same Charlie. So tell me, what are your plans for the weekend?”

Kate’s taking us boys to see Captain Blood and Frances is taking the girls to see Littlest Rebel.

“Those sound like good movies. Captain Blood stars, Errol Flynn, correct? I keep seeing posters around here.”

He and Charlie talked for another hour before ending the conversation. He laid back in his chair and surveyed the ocean. Next door, a teenage girl was listening to crooner Bing Crosby as she had been every night for a week straight. This time, he actually bothered to listen to the lyrics of the song. 

Your sweet expressions. The smile you gave me. The way you looked when we met. It’s easy to remember, but so hard to forget. I hear you whisper, “I’ll always love you.” I know it’s over and yet. It’s easy to remember, but so hard to forget. So I must dream to have your hand caress me. Fingers press me tight. I’d rather dream than have that lonely feeling stealing through the night. Each little moment is clear before me. And though it brings me regret. It’s easy to remember, but so hard to forget.

And that was the problem with Kate. It was so easy to remember her and the feelings she evoked within him, but it was so hard to forget her. Yes, he was missing Kate, but he didn't know what would happen and broke his resolve to finish out the year without her. But then, what if Charlie was right and she was missing him? Would coming back early have any repercussions or not? 

---

December 25th, 1935

---

“Alright everyone!” Kate said as she entered the parlor. “Dinner will be served as soon as I come back downstairs, alright?”

“YES!!” Everyone shouted in excitement.

“Alright! Give me five minutes.”

Everyone nodded in agreement and Kate went upstairs, pulling off her apron. As a rule, she wore plain dresses during meal prep, when it was time for dinner she always went up to change into something festive for the occasion. Last week she’d spotted this lovely dress in a store window and had just purchased it. It was simple and velvet, so she couldn’t resist purchasing this dress. 

She was still upset with Thomas, but not as much as she had been before. She couldn’t be, not after that very beautiful gesture he’d done, bringing her lavender from Italy for her. The plant was thriving indoors and Kate decided that it would stay inside. She didn’t want to risk shocking it and then losing it to the cold and dreary weather of England. 

After smoothing her dress down, she came out of her room there was a loud yell, sounded like Charlie. Then Luna screamed, as did Angela, which caused her to frown and hurry down the stairs. There was a lot of noise and commotion going on downstairs, it sounded happy. But only once she was halfway down the stairs did she finally see what was going on.

There, in the doorway was Thomas Shelby! He had several bags on the floor and Charlie had his arms around his neck. Thomas was hugging and holding onto Charlie so tightly that his feet were off the ground. Luna and Angela had each latched onto Thomas’s waist. Luciano and Romero were standing close to Thomas, chattering excitedly. The most ludicrous thing was that Thomas Shelby, of all people had Father Christmas’s red hat on his head!! It was all like some very bizarre Christmas scene out of a movie!

She stood there, her heart pounding in her stomach as a ton of feelings filled her. “You came!” Charlie said. “You actually came back!”

“Yes, I did.” He said as he glanced at the tree. “I see you all opened your presents. Well, I brought more gifts, for you all. There’s a heavy crate in the car for Kate, maybe all three of you boys can carry it in for me?”

“YES SIR!!”

“But first,” he nods at the bags near his feet. “all of those have your gifts. Pull them out, put them around the tree, I don’t know how Kate does it, so we’ll check with her.”

Frances approached and she shook his hand after Charlie let go of Thomas. “Good to have you back Mr. Shelby.”

He shakes her hand. “Good to be back Frances.”

“Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to you as well.”

“Mama!” Luna said loudly, causing Thomas to finally spot her standing on the stairs. Good God, the way that man had the ability to stare straight through her never failed not to put her on edge. “Look, Mr. Shelby is back!!”

“So I see.” She couldn’t think of a damn thing to say to him. She inhaled and continued down the stairs. “I have to go take care of dinner.” Yes, she could escape to the kitchen and that would give her time to compose herself. She hated this; she hated being caught off guard like this.

She hurried into the kitchen and checked on the turkey. It was done of course, everything was done but God knew that she needed five minutes to herself! She couldn’t think! She couldn’t breathe! She wasn’t sure if she was going to yell at him and hit him or burst into tears and hug him. Everything inside her was so tangled up and in a mess right now.

The door to the kitchen closed and she turned to see Thomas standing there, still with that stupid red hat on his head. He studied her before walking towards her. Kate placed her hand on the back of the chair, gripping it firmly as she decided what she was going to say or do. He stood in front of her, staring at her for a good minute before opening his mouth. “Kate---

She couldn’t stop it. It just happened. Her hand moved of it’s own accord and she hauled off and slapped Thomas Shelby hard across the cheek! She’d slapped him several times, but this was the first time that she instantly felt regret for doing so. For a long minute, they studied each other until Kate could no longer bear those damn blue eyes of his staring straight through her soul! 

She turned away to go back to the stove, but Thomas caught ahold of her arm and turned her back towards him. She inhaled sharply as he asked her directly. “You want me to go or do you want me to give you a hug?”

---

Chapter 130: Christmas together

Do you want me to leave or do you want me to give you a hug?

Never before had such simple words stirred up such conflict within her. She was angry at him, yet she was happy to see him back. For a moment, she couldn’t find the words because if she spoke she’d burst into tears.

He nodded and exhaled. “Alright.” 

He turned and started to go away, but she reached out and grabbed his arm. He turned towards her, his eyes trained on her hand with had ahold of his elbow. She inhaled and manage to say. “Don’t go.”

He looked her in the eye and she broke as he stepped forward. “I won’t.” She inhaled shakily as Thomas pulled her into his arms. Kate let out a muffled sob as she wrapped an arm around his neck and the other around his waist. She let out a whimper as he pulled her closer to him and tried not to cry. “Oh Kate,” that was all it took for the tears to start rolling down her cheeks. “I’m sorry.” She inhaled and dug her fingers tighter into his neck as he ran his hand up and down her back. “I’m so sorry.”

“You,” she shook her head. “you…are such a bastard.”

He nods. “I know.”

“Bastard.”

“I’m sorry.” He exhaled as he held onto her. “It was something I had to do Kate, couldn’t get out of it.”

“I know,” she said as she held onto him. “but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.”

“I didn’t want to hurt you Kate.” He said quietly as he ran his hand through her hair. “I hate hurting you. I hate making you cry. I don’t mean to, but I do.”

She sniffles. “I know.” 

They said nothing for a long time. She had her eyes closed, her nose buried in his neck just breathing him in. He’d been smoking; she could smell the cigarettes along with the crisp, winter air, firewood and his rich cologne of pepper and bergamot. As she held onto him, Kate realized something. She hadn’t really been angry with Thomas. She was hurt and upset that he’d left her for six months. Yes, she was upset for Charlie, but she’d missed him and she hadn’t realized just how much she’d missed him until she’d seen him walk in the door. She’d been unprepared for this tidal wave of emotions to rise in her on what was already an emotional day, making it even more emotional.

She inhaled as she croaked. “Don’t do that again.”

“I won’t.” He promised. “I give you my word Kate.”

“Six months and not a word.”

“Oi,” he pointed out. “you didn’t talk to me either.”

“I had just cause to be upset and you know it!” she said as she held onto him. “You just told me you were leaving for more than six months, no explanation whatsoever as to what’s going on, you practically deserted Charlie. But he says that you kept in touch with him, so, you did one thing right.” She inhaled deeply. “Then you turn me into Charlie’s babysitter and offer to pay me---

“No,” he shakes his head as he holds tighter onto her. “that wasn’t what I was doing.”

“I left your money on your desk.” She said. “I used my own money.”

He nods. “Well, I wound up buying all of you gifts in America anyway.”

She shook her head. “You better not have bought me anything.”

“I didn’t. I didn’t buy you anything in America.”

“Thank you.”

He inhaled, his fingers curling in her back. “I nearly didn’t come back, but then I remembered you saying I wanted to give Charlie the best Christmas gift that I needed to come back. Figured that’d be the best Christmas gift I could give you too.”

“It was.” She inhaled before confessing. “I missed you.”

“I know, I missed you too.” He inhaled. “Felt like a part of me was missing without Charlie, you and the kids around me.” She knew what he meant. Six months without him and his unpredictability had made life move slower. She had no one to talk to, so she was lonely again. Well, she had Charlie, Frances, Ada and her four children, but there was something different when Thomas was around. She felt lighter. The conversations could be intense and explosive which she enjoyed about him. He inhaled before confessing. “I closed down all my businesses in America, signed it over to other’s who’ve agreed to pay me 5% of their profit for the next ten years.”

“That’s good.”

“No more need to travel abroad anymore.” He said dangerously close to her ear. “Took a while to swing some deals, close down things and stuff like that. So…I’ll be staying in England from now on.”

“That’s good, that’s really good to hear.” She said as she pulled back to break this seemingly fifteen-minute hug that they’ve been trapped in. “Charlie’ll be glad to have you back.” 

He nods as he uses his thumb to wipe her tears away. “That’s why he agreed to it. Got out of America for good. Don’t care for it. Too many f**king guns.”

“Too many guns.” She laughed dryly, causing him to chuckle. She exhaled as she said. “Merry Christmas Thomas.”

“Merry Christmas Kate.”

For a moment, all was silent, except for the carolers in the front of the house, which were singing ‘silent night’. Then, she could hear the children laughing loudly in the other room and Frances talking to someone. It all felt very…natural somehow, homey. All of a sudden, the atmosphere changed between them. She didn’t know what happened, but she felt it shift between them. She inhaled, not sure why they were just standing there staring at each other. “I know you know how to carve a stag, but, how are you at carving up a turkey?”

He chuckles. “I can carve a turkey.”

“Alright then,” she turned away from him. “that’s your job.” 

She opened the oven and went to pull the 10-pound bird out of the oven. Thomas smoothly took the mitts from her and pulled the pan out of the oven. She stared at him as he asked. “Where do you want it?”

“Uhm,” her brain ran a blank at those words, but she nodded towards the counter. “on the cutting board. There’s a tray next to it.” He nods and she inhales as she turns off the oven. “There’s a saucepan there, if you can pour the drippings in there, I’ll thicken it up quickly into a gravy.”

“Ok.” 

Kate pulled the mashed potatoes from the stove and set it on the kitchen table. She then realized she had to set a place for Thomas, so she grabbed another setting and put him at the head. She then drained the green beans and carrots, put them into another platter after tossing them some butter, seasoning them and adding roasted chestnuts and bacon. She then pulled out the orange and carrot stuffing and set it on the table. She then pulled the sliced out the bread rolls from the warming oven and put them on the table. From the refrigerator, she pulled out cranberry sauce, full of tart apples to balance the sugar. Yes, it was more an American dish, but Luca had made it one year for Christmas and she’d loved it. She had a chocolate torte in the fridge, a pumpkin pie in the safe, amaretti cookies, whipped cream and apple cider for everyone. It was simple, but it would be a good dinner.

After Thomas put the platter of turkey down on the table, she went and got everyone. All the children oohed and aahed over the food. Once she set the thickened gravy down at the table, everyone bowed their heads. Frances had asked to say the prayer, which Kate had agreed to. Frances gave a very heartwarming prayer about family and friends around the table that moved Kate to tears. Dinner had been beyond lovely in comparison to the last two Christmases. All the kids, especially Luna had bee asking Thomas questions about where he’d been, who he’d seen and Luna had asked when he was going away again. When he said that he’d finished his business in America forever and that he’d be staying in England, Luna jumped out of her seat to hug him. Tears formed in Kate’s eyes when Luna kissed him on the cheek and declared that she’d missed him. Thomas had held tightly onto Luna as he said that he missed her too. God! Nothing like the holidays to make one overly sentimental. She didn’t understand how the sight of him holding her daughter in that ridiculous hat could move her beyond words.

When dinner drew to a close, the kids asked about their presents. Kate said they could be opened after the dishes. At that moment, someone knocked on the back door and Thomas glanced at his watch. “Right on time.”

Kate blinked. “Excuse me?”

He opened the backdoor and said. “Come inside.” A girl, probably around the age of sixteen opened the door. “Right, Kate, this is Judy. I paid for her to come over and do the dishes so you can have the night off.”

She shook her head. “No. Absolutely not, it’s Christmas and she should be with her family!”

“It’s alright Ma’am.” Judy explained. “Mr. Shelby is paying enough to pay off my father’s medicine. And he sent food for us, so, it’s the best Christmas the little ones have had in a long time. I’d have done the dishes for free. Honest, I’m happy to do it.”

Kate exhales and glances at Thomas. She shook her head and he shrugged innocently. “Well, in that case Judy, I shall make an exception. Thank you, for coming over on Christmas.”

“Our pleasure.” She said as she went to clean the plates. “I’ll put the food away too.”

“Hmm, here.” She reached for her new cocoa tin and box of  amaretti cookies. “Your younger siblings should enjoy these as well.”

Her blue eyes widened. “Thank you Ma’am! Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to you as well. Do you live far?”

“Just one street over.”

Kate nods. “I’ll have Mr. Shelby drive you back home afterwards.”

“No, it’s not necessary. I can walk.”

“I’ll walk her back.” Charlie said quickly, causing her and Thomas to glance at him. “It’s no trouble.”

Oh, she saw that look. She knew that look. Cupid decided to hit Charlie on Christmas. She nodded. “Ok, that’ll work. Shall we go to the parlor?”

“No,” Thomas said as he finally pulled the hat off his head. “hold on a minute.” 

“Thomas---

“No, your Christmas present is in there, so,” he covered her eyes with the hat. “I have to guide you out.”

“My presents!?” She said in shock as he led her out. “You said you didn’t buy me any presents!”

“No, I said I didn’t buy you any presents in ‘America’. Never said I didn’t buy you anything in England!”

“Thomas,” she protested. “I don’t want any---

“These you do.” She shook her head as Thomas led her into the parlor. He exhaled as he guided her to sit down on the couch. “Right, now keep your eyes closed Kate.” She did and he moved away. She heard him carrying something and it sounded heavy. She inhaled, only to frown as she smelled coffee and other spices. “Ok, you can open your eyes now.”

She did and gasped as she saw a large food crate in front of her. And not just any foods, food that was straight from Italy! She gasped as she looked at the assorted foods and cured meats in front of her. “Oh, oh my God. Thomas! Some of these---

“I made a deal with Salvatore Bruno after giving him the diamond necklace I brought you. Every month, for the next two years, he’ll arrange to have the best foods from Italy shipped to me. Since you don’t want Italian mobsters having your address, I’ll make sure to bring them to you.” Her jaw dropped in shock. “As you can see, there’s black and white truffles, pesto, pistachio liqueur, coffee, olive oil, balsamic vinegar and chocolate.” Kate covered her mouth, these were all very precious things to her. She loved cooking and she loved sharing the food with her family and with his. She’d been so careful with her ingredients, now, he was ensuring that she had the best to share with them. It was so beautiful. “There’s also ten assorted cheese wheels on the table behind you, that Bruno sent with his compliments. He said you’d probably know how to take care of them, but they’ll last you a good twenty-five years. I also arranged that when you all come over to my house, for my men to come over and build a storage cellar for you to store everything, that way, the goods’ll last you longer. It’ll be attached to the pantry, so you can get the food without going outside. So, that, is my gift to you.”

She couldn’t think of a damn thing to say to him. So, she threw her arms around him and held onto him. He hesitated for a moment, then he wrapped his arms around her waist and shoulders. “You,” she inhales. “really do the most wonderful things at times. The lavender, this,” she then gasped as she said. “God, I was so mad at you I didn’t even buy you---

“I don’t need a gift.” He assured her as he ran his hand up and down her back. “I’ll settle for a dance after the kids go to bed.”

She nods. “That seems like very little.”

“I thought about how I wouldn’t dance with you that one time.” He pulled back and held her gaze. “I’d like to dance properly with you this time.”

She could see that it bothered him and he wanted to make it right. She nodded. “Alright. One dance, Tommy.” He smiled and her heart paused in her chest. He rarely smiled and it was always a beautiful thing when he did.

“When can we open our presents?” Luciano asks loudly, causing everyone to laugh.

She shakes her head before stating. “You know the rules, everyone has to pick a number between 1 and 10.” Thomas stands up and she tugs him to sit down next to her. “I’ve got the number.”

So, the guessing game went on. Thomas, seemingly had bought each child something from each state. It took nearly an hour for them to open all the presents. When that hour was done, Charlie walked Judy back home and Frances took all the children upstairs. Luciano, seemed to be in a slightly sour mood, but he didn’t say why. After kissing each child goodnight, she came downstairs to find Thomas looking through the records. After a few moments, he put on an instrumental version of Fred Astaire’s ‘Cheek to cheek’ before holding out his hand to her.

 After inhaling, she stepped willingly into his arms. It felt strange to be dancing again, but she enjoyed it. Despite her promise that it’d be one dance, they stayed dancing until Charlie came back which was when the record ended. Kate told Thomas to stay for the night, so they went upstairs to their separate rooms. That beautiful evening came to a crashing halt as Kate got hit with a horrible realization when she was brushing her hair.

She hadn’t thought about Luca once.

Chapter 131: Letters and fritattas

December 26th,

---

The front door opened and Thomas walked in with a basket full of mail. She blinked at him as she came down the stairs. “What are you doing?” she asked in a low voice so as not to wake up the kids.

He exhaled. “I had one of my men bring my mail over.” She arched her brow and he said. “Don’t worry, I met him at the train station.”

“Thank you.” She appreciated that he always took care to make sure that no one had her address. She gestured for him to follow her into the kitchen. “I’d appreciate it if you could see that a few bottles of Luca’s wine and my limoncello could be sent to Mr. Bruno for his kindness.”

“He wouldn’t expect anything in return.”

“I know that, but,” she rolled the sleeves of her robe up to her elbow as she pulled out the eggs from the refrigerator. “it’s Christmas, so I can take advantage of that. Besides, I never did get to thank him for working with you on getting me and my children out of Italy.”

Thomas exhales and sits down with his basket. “Alright, I’ll see that he gets it.”

“Thank you.” She turns on the oven before cracking the eggs into a bowl she grabs two large cast iron pans. They’ll have fritattas with the leftover ham and roasted potatoes from yesterday’s breakfast. She’d then put out the leftover bread rolls with cranberry sauce and butter along with sausages. Thomas put on his glasses and starts separating the bills, junk and important letters into piles. She glances at him. He always works so very hard. After getting the fritatta in the oven, she makes him a cup of licorice tea, which she sets in front of him. “Here.”

He exhales. “Thank you.”

She gets him the trash can and sets it to his left. “For all the junk.”

“Thank you.” He grabs the pile and tosses it into the trash. He exhales deeply and continues sorting it.

She sits down beside him and says. “You could take the day off. It is the day after Christmas.”

“I will,’ he says without looking up at her. “as soon as I get this sorted. There may be something important that I’ll have missed.”

She nods and grabs a handful of letters. He glances at her and she nods. “I still know how you work.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Well, I’m not going to sit here and watch you sort, so I might  as well help you. Can’t do anything until the fritatta finishes baking and the sausage doesn’t take long.”

He chuckles. “Alright.”

She smiles and starts sorting his mail. Anything she was unsure about she’d ask him and he’d tell her which pile to put it in. Then nearly five minutes into sorting it, she paused and then asked. “Which pile should I put Lizzie’s in?”

He nearly dropped his final stack of papers. “What?”

“Lizzie wrote you a letter,” she squinted at the postmark. “sometime in August.”

He thinks on it and shrugs. “No idea. Open it and tell me what she said.”

She stared at him and shook her head. “I’m not reading your mail.”

“Then throw it away.” He said simply.

She exhaled. “Thomas, it might be important.”

“It’s not important.”

She frowned. “How can you know that?”

“Because,” he turned and looked her dead in the eye as he stated. “she is not important Kate.” She blinked in surprise at his words. “She is not important to me. Charlie enjoys talking with her, so I allow it. I do not talk to her unless it’s necessary, like when she shows up uninvited at my house.”

She studies him and asks. “Is that why you had the guard put at the gate?”

“Yes.” He exhaled. “Didn’t want her coming around and bothering you or the kids.”

She bit her lip and said. “Maybe there’s something she wants to talk to you about.”

“Kate,” he said firmly. “she does not matter to me. I closed the door on her years before we even divorced. There is nothing to say to each other. So, you can read the letter if you want and let me know if it’s important enough read. But I do not care,” those damagingly blue eyes of his pierced her soul as he said. “about her at all. I don’t think about her. I never did. So, I do not need to know.”

She held his gaze as she opened the letter. He didn’t even blink, he just nodded and cottoned sorting the letters completely unbothered. She wasn’t going to read it in detail, she’d just scan it. Turns out it wasn’t really a letter, more of a note.

---

Tommy,

I know you probably won’t even bother to read this. You’re gone by now, so I’ve time to get this out of my head and forget that I even wrote this note.

I cannot bear this treatment any more, from you or from Charlie. Polly thinks that Charlie is attempting to distance himself from me because he doesn’t want to get hurt again. I miss being a part of his life and there are times I even miss you. 

So here’s the deal. You can either take me into your life or cut me free of it. I’m sick of being in the middle. You can keep whoever you’re sleeping with on the side as long as you want, I don’t care anymore. You know how I am, I’m always around. 

Lizzie.

---

She clears her throat and drops it in the bin. “Well, she thinks you won’t read it, so, you can tell her that you didn’t read it.”

“Anything important?”

she exhales. “She misses Charlie, she misses you.” 

He groans and shakes his head. “Christ.”

“She asks that you both bring her back into your life or you both cut her free. She’s tired of being in the middle.”

He exhales and rubs his nose for a moment. “I’ll talk to Charlie, he’ll probably vote to end things with her. We’ve gotten closer,” he looks at her. “thanks to you and that book of yours. Charlie says it feels like there’s nothing to talk about, so I’ll put it up to him.”

She frowned. “So…you really don’t care?”

“No.”

“She says can you can keep whoever you’re---

“Kate,” he exhaled deeply before stating. “I haven’t slept with a woman in nearly five years.” 

She stared at him as she blurted out. “You lie!”

“No.” He shakes his head. “I’m not.”

“But you,” she shook her head as she exhaled in shock. “I-I’m sorry, I-I just remember those days and nights---

“That was me ten years ago, Kate.” He said firmly. “I was angry doing drugs you’ve no idea what they do to a body, drinking, grieving, all of that was a very bad and dangerous combination, especially for you.” He held her gaze as he said. “That, is not the man I am right now.”

She wanted to believe him and this time half of her nearly did. She believed Luca when he’d talked about his celibate lifestyle, but, this is Thomas Shelby!! The man enjoyed sex, he loved it! Kate remembered the way he’d f**k her, like a madman sometimes and her lower body throbbed in remembrance of him pounding into her so hard. He did so many strange things to her until she’d given him rules by which to f**k her. Not once, had there been a slow and gentle time with him. Everything was fast, rushed and hard. So, it was beyond shocking that he, of all men, hadn’t had sex with another woman in nearly five years!!

She inhaled and stammered. “I-I’m sorry, it’s just---

“I know, I know,” he exhaled and turns back to the papers. “it dawned on me that only 1 of my 3 marriages were because of love and considering how I f**ked up your life especially. Things were getting too complicated and life is simpler if you don’t want to f**k.”

She shakes her head before asking. “Since when do you want a simpler life? I seem to recall you saying on more than one occasion that you don’t want a simple life.”

He exhaled deeply. “Well, since you’ve been back here, simple seems nice, especially for Charlie. Better for my head as well.” He drops the last of the papers in the trash. He puts the bills in the basket and begins opening the other one papers. He hands her a stack. “If there’s any invitations, put them there and I’ll send my apologies later.”

She nods. “I can give you a hand with that once we get to your house.” He glances at her. “It’s a simple enough letter to write and you know my handwriting is ever so much better than yours.”

He nods. “Fair, but, only if you want to. You don’t have to.”

“Thomas, it’s just letter writing. Not as if you’re arranging to have me and everyone flown safely out of Italy.”

He chuckles. “Alright.”

She opens an envelope and it’s an invitation. She opens it and scans it. She hands it to him. “This one’s for January 10th, it’s a charity event.”

He glances at it. “Yeah.. I’ll just cut them a check.”

“It’s a good foundation.” She said. “You could just put in an appearance.”

He exhaled and said. “How about this, if I put in an appearance…you accompany me?”

She blinked. “What?”

“These things always drag on and they go much faster if you’re with a friend.” He turned back to open another letter. “I don’t really care, but, if it’s a good charity like you say, you can suffer with me.”

“Suffer?” She laughs. “Thomas, it’s charity! It can’t be that bad.”

“Well, I guess it all depends if you’re going to come with me or not.” He throws a letter in the trash. “If you come, it won’t be that bad, if you don’t, I’ll send the check. Either way, they get the money.”

 “Well,” she exhaled and stood up. “I think you should stop being silly and just go.”

“They get the money either way.” He pointed out to her. “Kate, these things, they’re not fun. I can handle polite conversation, politics, watch the band for so long before going mad. You can think on it, but I really don’t want to go.”

She pulls the sausage out of the refrigerator and pulls out another pan. She thinks on it for a bit. It’s a very important event, especially since he’s in politics. They’re raising funds for housing for veterans. He’s said that they’re friends several times and that’s good. She hasn’t been out to a social event like that in a long time. It might be good, she’s gone out with Thomas before, but this would be the first time without any children being present. it’d just be them, one on one and she didn’t know quite what to make of that.

Before yesterday and the lavender, it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but something was changing. She didn’t know what it was. Luca, he just felt distant from her. Well, he’d been more and more distant since Thomas brought back her beloved lavender bush. So, to go a whole day and evening without a thought of him, it bothered her. She’d said one dance and they’d danced for the whole record. 

She exhaled and turned towards him. “Can I give you my answer on New Years?” he glances at her. “It’s just….I need to sort through some things, especially after yesterday, so, I’d like to think on it.”

“Of course,” he nods. “take as long as you need. There’s no rush, either way they get the check.” 

At that moment, Charlie comes walking through the door, in his pajamas and his hair a tousled mess. “Good morning Kate.”

He says giving her a little peck on the cheek before grabbing the kettle and filling it. “Smells good.”

“Thank you Charlie.” She turned and gave him a hug with one hand. “Sleep well?”

“Yes, I did.” Charlie turned to Thomas and said. “Good morning dad.”

“Good morning Charlie,” Thomas said as he removed his glasses. “and what kept you at Judy’s?”

Charlie dropped the kettle. “Uhm,” he stuttered. “I-I was just---

“Leave him be Thomas. All inquiries will be pursued after Christmas. In fact, New Years is a good time for such things.”

“And what’s so special about New Years?” Thomas said.

“Resolutions.” She said. “Opening another book and writing another story.”

“I-I was just helping out a bit,” Charlie explained. “there was a lot of trash and her father was sick so, I took it out for her.”

He nods. “Good boy.”

“Do you know why her father’s sick?” She asks. “I just want to be aware of anything that could make the kids sick.”

“It’s not contagious.” Charlie assured her. “Her father’s dying of lung cancer.”

Kate exhaled and shook her head. “That’s awful.”

“Are there any other older kids in the house?” Thomas asked.

“No.” Charlie said. “She’s the oldest. She’s got two more sisters.”

Kate frowns. Three girls, that won’t make it easy for them. “Does she have a job?”

“No.” Charlie said. “She had an advertisement which Dad answered, but she said some of the people who answer aren’t nice. Her mother has a job as a secretary, which keeps them in the house and fed.”

Kate nods and looks at Thomas. “You have the advertisement still?”

“It’s probably in the paper still, why?”

she exhaled deeply and said. “Well, I think it’s time I hire a housekeeper, someone to do the dishes as well.”

Thomas nods. “I agree, you work too hard Kate. Should take some time for yourself.”

“Well, now I’ve got a good enough reason to. But, still, I'd like you to run a background check on her entire family.”

He nods. "Got you."

"She seems nice though." Charlie said. "Why check?"

"Because, I have four children. I need to make sure that everything is in order."

Thomas nods. "Kate's also here on her own. We don't want anything to happen. Ok?"

Charlie nodded. "Good morning!" Frances says as she shuffles into the room and grabs the plates from the cabinet. “I smelled the sausage and knocked on their doors on the way back down.”

“Luciano sleeps through anything.” Charlie said. “I’ll go get him.”

“Thank you.” Kate turns to Thomas, who is still opening letters. “Thomas, put that away. Those can wait and I need the table.”
He nods. “Alright.” Kate puts two towels on either end of the table. One, for each of the fritattas. She grabs the mitts and opens up the stove, but before she can pull out the fritattas, Thomas takes the mitts from her. “I’ve got this.”

She nods. She didn’t know what happened to him in America, but it was nice. He was nice and he felt so very different. Thomas was a chameleon almost, always changing colors and evolving into another thing of curiosity. Yet, he somehow managed to stay the same, yet different. Perhaps chameleon was wrong. He was more like the moon, going through ever changing phases while remaining constant. Either way, he was still a puzzle that she couldn’t help trying to solve. But there was an unsolved puzzle churning inside her. Would she go to this event with Thomas and if so, why was she going to go? Yes, it was for charity, but what was going on inside her that told her that it would be a good idea to go out with him? Yes, there was nothing going on, but when did she suddenly decide that there was no harm in going out with any man, especially him? What was happening to her and what was changing?

Chapter 132: I've got you under my skin

January 10th, 1936

---

“What are you doing?” Charlie asked as he came in from behind him. Thomas choked on the water that he was gargling and spat it into the sink. He was coughing so violently that Charlie actually began to pat him on the back until the coughing stopped. “You alright, Dad?”

he shook his head as he inhaled. “No.” F**king hell, he threw up. He hadn’t thrown up before a ‘date’ ever in his life! Not till tonight! He was going to be fifty in five years! He was too damn old for this.

Charlie frowned. “What do you mean no?” Thomas exhaled as he poured himself another fresh glass of water. What the hell had he been thinking? “Come on dad, you asked her and she said yes. This is good!”

“I didn’t think she’d say yes! I was joking!” Thomas stated in a low voice as his heart pounded in his throat. 

Charlie stared at him. “What? You were joking?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

“But,” Charlie pointed out. “she said yes.”

“I don’t care!” he stated. “I’m not ready for this. F**k, why can’t the goddamn phone ring!?”

“Dad,” Charlie said firmly. “relax, it’s just Kate.”

“No, it’s not just Kate.” He inhaled. “Nothing, in that woman’s life has ever been about ‘just Kate’. She’s anything but ‘just Kate’.” He groaned and wiped his sweating forehead. “F**k!” He then noticed his hands were shaking. “F**king hell!”

“Dad,” Charlie said. “just calm down. It’s just dinner, drinks and talking. You can handle that.”

He doubted it. “And she’s up there not even freaking out,” he states, “because it means absolutely f**king nothing to her!”

“You can’t know that.”

“Oh, yes I f**king can!” He stated. “Nothing ever phases that woman!”

---

Kate spat into the toilet and flushed. She moved to the sink and rinsed her mouth out. Why oh why had she ever agreed to this!? God! Why wouldn’t the phone ring downstairs and Thomas say that he had to cancel because of an emergency! But Thomas had cut down on his work so much that he didn’t have as much work as before! The phone barely rang! 

Frances knocked on the bathroom door. “I finished your dress. It looks lovely.”

She didn’t care if it was that feather dress worn by Ginger Rogers. She was not going to this damn event! “I’m not going.” Kate stated as she stepped out of the bathroom.

Frances laughed at her. “What? You have to go!”

“I can’t do this!” Kate spun around. “Just tell him I’m sick! I probably have influenza---

“You are fine.” Frances said as she moved Kate towards the vanity. “You’re just nervous.”

“Why the hell would I even be nervous!?” Kate half-shrieked. “It’s just Thomas!”

“Exactly!” France said. “You haven’t been out with any man except your husband which is nearly three years ago. It’s bound to feel strange to you!”

"Maybe I should stay. It's way too soon to even think about going out with someone else."

"You're going out with an old friend. It's not romantic and you have to know that Mr. Changretta wanted you to go out and have fun once in a while."

"My hair looks awful!"

Kate groaned as Frances checked Kate’s hair. “Your hair looks perfect.”

“I shouldn’t have brought that dress.” Kate said. “I’ll probably sweat all my makeup off and people will see that he brought a freak to tonight's event!”

“You’ll be fine.” Frances said. “I added a mesh insert that’s the same color as your powder, so it won’t get on your dress or his coat, you’ll be fine.” Kate moaned and grabbed her lipstick. But her hands were shaking so badly that she didn’t dare add more lipstick. Surprisingly, her makeup was intact after that she vomited. “And you’re not a freak. You’re a very beautiful and intelligent woman. No one will be looking at your back and if anyone says something you know that Mr. Shelby will take care of them.”

“Oh, that’ll be just great for the gossip magazines!” She states loudly. “Thomas Shelby beats so and so to a pulp for calling---

“No, he won’t beat them up.” Frances said with a smile. “He’ll just make them wish he had beaten them up by the time he was done with them. Come on, lets get you into your dress.”

Kate groaned as she stood up. “And he’s downstairs, not even bothered by this whole thing one little bit!”

Frances chuckled. “It’s a good idea for you to get out of the house. I’ll watch the kids, everything will be fine. Just have fun.”

Kate moaned as she pulled off her robe. “This is going to be anything but fun.”

---

Thomas glowered at Charlie. “Why the f**k do you have that camera?”

“You bought it for me!” Charlie said. “Besides, I like photography! It’s fun.”

Thomas made a face at him before exhaling. “Nothing about this is fun.” Charlie laughed at him and he threatened. “Oi, one day you’ll be bringing a girl over to dinner,” Charlie stilled. “and I will make up the most embarrassing stories I can think of!”

Charlie glowered at him. “Not funny dad.”

“Neither is this.”

Charlie made a face at him. Frances, suddenly said as she hurried down the stairs with Kate’s coat across her arm. “Alright, she’s coming.”

“Frances,” Kate groaned as she started to round the top of the stairs. Thomas adjusted his tie and inhaled deeply. “I told you, it’s no big deal.”

He turned towards the stairs…and his whole world came to a crashing end. F**k, she was beautiful, she was so beautiful. The camera flashed, but he didn’t care. All those feelings he thought he had under control, he didn’t have them under control at all. All the blood in his body went rushing to his heart, his head, it ran everywhere at the sight of her. She was…absolutely stunning in this dress. He didn’t know how old it was and frankly, he didn’t care. How, could she always manage to be the most beautiful woman in the world with such a simple dress on? There wouldn’t be a single person in the room, male or female that wouldn’t be looking at her. 

Kate inhaled as she came down the stairs. She smiled at Charlie and said. “One photo. Ok?”

“Ok?” Charlie moved in front of him to take a photo of Kate. F**k, he saw now why Changretta took so many photos of her.

She was stunning. “Can I have one of the two of you together?”

Kate went a little still, but she nodded. “Alright.”

He nods. “Yeah.” He cleared his throat and stepped beside Kate. “Ok to put my hand here?” he asks, keeping it near her waist.”

She nods. “Yes.” They both smiled at the camera, but he wasn’t sure how good the photo came out. She cleared her throat. “We should go.”

“In a minute.” He said. "I've got something for you."

Kate moaned. “Thomas---

“I know, you don’t like diamonds. This wasn’t even that expensive, didn’t even spend 80 pounds on it, but,” he exhaled. “I saw it and thought of you.” 

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the simple necklace he’d bought her. She turned towards the mirror with a sigh. God, he hoped that he’d chosen right. The colors matched her dress perfectly. He brought the simple cold chain up and around her creamy throat. There were two small purple diamonds. He’d been told they were amethysts, but when he had Alfie Solomons look at the piece, Alfie had said they were diamonds. Purple diamonds were very rare and Thomas should keep that jeweler handy because he was blind.

Kate gasped and touched it as he fastened the chain. “Oh my. T-Tommy, this is beautiful.”

“Do you like it?”

she nodded as she turned towards him. “I love it. It’s beautiful.”

When she looked at him with those emerald green eyes, he was unable to stop himself from saying. “You look beautiful.”

“T-Thank you.” She was nervous. She only stuttered when she was nervous.

Frances smiled at them. “The two of you should get going.”

“Yes,” he glanced at his watch. “The train leaves in 15 minutes.”

“Ok.” He offered his arm to Kate and she took it. “Right, let’s go.”

They went outside to see all four kids running around the yard. Kate shook her head and said loudly. “Time to go inside! Baths for everyone!”

Every kid whined, only to turn and squeal about how gorgeous Kate looked. Well, everyone except for Luciano. That kid glowered darkly at them both. Luciano knew that Thomas was going after Kate and he didn’t like it. The kid could glower all he wanted, he wasn’t outright pursing Kate, whatever happened it was just going to happen. Whatever she went with, he'd follow. For now, she was the one leading this dance.

---

Kate laughed as she shook hands with Winston Churchill. “A pleasure chatting with you.”

“And you as well.” Churchill shot Thomas a smirk. “She’s a gem Shelby.”

Thomas nods. “Don’t I know it.” She smiled politely before downing her glass of champagne. “Dance?” Thomas asked.

Kate nodded. “God, yes, please!” She said as he took her glass and set it down on the table behind them. “I can’t stand anymore bloody questions!”

“I normally come alone to these.”

“I gathered.” She said as he took her arm and led her onto the dance floor. It was a slow waltz, which caused her to exhale deeply. She relaxed as he pulled her into his arms. Now, she felt safe and not on edge. “I can see why you didn’t want to go alone. You’d never have a moment’s peace.”

“No, I would not.” He exhaled and glanced at her. “Are you having fun at least?”

“Yes, I am.” She said honestly as Thomas glided her around the floor. “It’s not as bad as I’m making it sound. It’s been a while since I’ve socialized.”

“Same.” He said. “F**king hate it.”

“Poor thing,” she teased. “you’re probably hating every minute of this, aren’t you?”

“Not this particular minute,” he said as he turned her. “or for the next minutes on the dance floor.”

She said nothing as she smiled at him. Thomas pulled her close. God, she missed dancing so much. Getting in hadn’t been as difficult as anticipated. Kate had brought a huge lace fan which she’d held up to her face to get past the photographers. Harry Griggs was practically threatening Thomas as he demanded to know who she was. Thomas didn’t even look back at him as they got into the hall. Photographers were prohibited inside, so once inside she was safe and the fan could be put away. Thomas introduced her casually as a friend and surprisingly, very few people asked her name. The most common line was, “Any friend of Thomas Shelby is a friend of mine.” And those that did ask, she went by Anne, her middle name. It was all a fun game.

Kate closed her eyes and listened to the female singer at the band. I'd tried so not to give in. I said to myself: this affair never will go so well. But why should I try to resist when, darling, I know so well. I've got you under my skin?

By the time this dance was over, Kate had a very bad feeling that Thomas Shelby was starting to get under her skin. She didn’t know how, she didn’t know when it had happened, but it was all feeling very, very different and despite there being hardly any people on the floor. The whole world became smaller and warmer each time he took her in his arms.

I'd sacrifice anything come what might. For the sake of having you near. In spite of a warning voice that comes in the night. And repeats, repeats in my ear. “Don't you know, little fool, you never can win? Use your mentality, wake up to reality!” But each time that I do just the thought of you makes me stop before I begin. 'Cause I've got you under my skin.

Damn Cole Porter to Hell. They stayed on the floor for a full hour before they realized that they'd missed their train back home!

---

---

Chapter 133: Friendship

He could hear Kate fighting to keep her laughter under control as Thomas unlocked the door. He looked at her and asked. “What’s so funny Kate?”

“I’m sorry.” She inhaled as she fought to keep her laugh under control. “It’s just …I feel like a teenager trying to sneak in without getting caught!”

Thomas let out a laugh as he unlocked the door. “F**k! Did you have to say that?” She couldn’t stop laughing, so he kept the door shut. “Really?”

“I’m sorry!!” She said. “This whole thing is ridiculous! It’s 1 in the morning! We got the last train, there are no cabs, we had to walk for forty minutes in the snow, with you holding up my dress! This whole thing was funny!!”

he couldn’t stop laughing, this whole thing was hysterical. Kate was right. They’d both gotten so lost in the magic of dancing together that they’d forgotten that they were supposed to catch the train. They’d both had to grab their things and dash just to get the last train! Griggs had given chase, but since they had tickets, they were able to get on without any issue. Only when the conductor checked the tickets inside did they realize that they’d missed their ticket. Thomas paid him the difference and the conductor left them alone. They were the only people on the train, so they had it all to themselves. 

Kate hadn’t hesitated in snuggling up next to him. At first, he thought it was because she was cold, but when her hands slid around his waist, he realized that she was slowly getting comfortable with him. In spite of his nerves, they’d both wound up having fun. So many people were curious about her, but keeping her identity unknown had been fairly easy. If he didn’t know any, better he could have sworn that Kate enjoyed keeping people as confused as much as he did. Thank God Mosley wasn’t there tonight. Mosley would have found Kate utterly fascinating. That would have made Diana extra catty. Kate, however, would said something back that was just as shocking or slapped Diana. Both would have been entertaining, but it wouldn’t have been proper on this occasion.

They’d talked, really talked about lots of things they hadn’t shared with each other before. Ironically, they started talking about their childhood’s. Kate, hadn’t had as different a life that he did in regard to loneliness. He told her the story about the coconut and the top hat. Unlike others, she’d listened to it with a straight face, she didn’t laugh, it was as if she understood why he’d become so ambitious. She told him stories as well, such as her first horse, Maple and how she’d loved riding her. She then asked what happened to Wildfire and he explained that he gave the horse to Johnny's kids. She’d approved and said it was a good idea. He made a note to expand the barn so he could get her a horse and something for the other kids to share. Luna needed a pony, the three kids needed a shorter 14 hand horse.

Then when they got off the train and found themselves in this ridiculous situation, she’d taken it well. Well, as well as Kate did, which was cackle madly. Apparently, she loved it when as situation was out of his control. So, he’d held her skirts up to her calf before walking her back to her house while she clutched his arm. She told him about fishing at her summer house and falling asleep on the deck, only to wake up terribly burned! She’d managed to hide it well until it was time to get in bed and she’d laid on her back, only to holler as her shirt stuck to her skin. She’d been forced to sleep on her stomach for nearly as week after that. When he asked her what Luca did, she looked surprised that he’d asked. She, did embellish the story a bit more saying that Luca had picked her up and dropped her playfully on the bed, so when she screamed she scared the hell out of him. He wondered if talking about Luca with him bothered her. It probably did, he hadn’t liked hearing about Luca before, but now he didn’t mind as much. Kate, she didn’t glow as much when talking about Changretta. Well, the stars were there, but they weren’t as vibrant as before. The love, it was warmer now in her eyes, almost softer if he dared to say it.

When Kate coughed, he said. “It’s time to get you inside before you catch cold.”

“Yes.” She coughed and stepped inside, letting her pristine cream skirts finally touch the ground. She slipped out of her shoes and whispered. “Kitchen.” He shook his head as he took off his shoes as well not wanting to track mud in the house. Kate flipped on a light and he locked the door, securing both locks. He followed Kate in to see she had the kettle already on the stove. “Tea?”

he nodded. “Yeah, why not?”
“Hungry?” she asked. 

“A little bit.” He walked over to the fridge and began pulling out a few items. “There’s bread, some parmesan, salami, olives and…I don’t see any manicotti you made earlier.”

She chuckled. “That’s alright.” She reached into the back of the refrigerator and pulled out a large piece of tiramisu. “I saved us this.”

“Perfect.” He went and got two forks. It felt strange, he hadn’t been this domestic with anyone apart from her, so it felt strange to be this way with her. He then pulled down the cups for their tea and set them on the table. Kate pulled down Earl Gray, his favorite and fixed up one for herself. She added some honey to both of theirs, just they way the liked it. 

She got some of her herbed olive oil and poured onto a small plate for their bread. This, was one thing he liked, the olive oil tasted so much better than butter. Kate took the kettle off the stove before it could whistle. She poured the water into their cups and then sat down. She took the knife and cut a few slices of bread for them. They ate in silence, surprisingly that walk in the snow had given them an appetite. The strange thing was, it didn’t feel awkward tonight between them. It felt natural, almost intimate rather, especially when they dipped the bread in the olive oil. Because Kate had poured it onto only one plate, their hands would touch if they happened to dip at the same time. The first time it happened, Kate had inhaled sharply, but he acted as if he hadn’t noticed. 

They both polished off the large piece of tiramisu and some of their tea. When Kate yawned, he glanced at his watch. “It’s nearly 2:00.”

She let out an exhale. “That’s why I’m starting to feel tired.”

“Yeah.” He stood up and began to put the food away. Kate moved the dishes to the sink. “Just leave them for tomorrow.”

“The food will stick.”

“Kate,” he moved towards her and turned on the water while grabbing the rag from her hand. He rinsed off the plates and silverware before leaving them in the sink. “upstairs. Come on, before you fall asleep.”

She shakes her head. “I’ll argue with you…tomorrow.” He chuckles as he takes their cups of tea. “I’ve no doubt of that.” She grabbed her skirt and walked silently up the stairs just behind him. His door was open, but he walked past his room to get her to her room. He waited by the door as she flipped on the light. He handed her the cup of tea. “There you go.”

“Thank you.” Instead of going inside directly, she turned towards him and said. “Thank you for asking, it was fun in the end.”

He had to agree. “It was.” He hesitated before asking. “Kate, would you like to go see a movie tomorrow?”

She nods. “Which one?”

His brain started to slow down as she was agreeing but he was able to say. “A tale of two cities.”

She frowned. “I don’t think the kids would like that, it’s two hours long---

“We wouldn’t take the kids.” He said, causing her to still. “It’d just be us.” She bit her lip, clearly hesitating, even though he could see that she wanted to go. So he said. “Tomorrow’s your birthday---

oh, her head shot up so fast. “What?” she stared at him. “How, how do you know that?”

he smirked. “I have my sources. I know, you won’t let me buy you anything, but, I saw you looking at the posters when we saw that Mickey Mouse movie. So, would you like to go? Afterwards, I’ll bring you back, we can pick up the kids and I’ll take all of you out to dinner somewhere.”

“I can just---

“Kate,” he said gently, yet firmly as he took a step forward. “it’s your birthday tomorrow, take a day off. Please.”

She bit her lip and asked. “What time, are you thinking, for the movie?”

“There’s a 3:00 showing. I can have Frances and Charlie get the kids ready so they can get in the car. The restaurant, is in town I can make a reservation for all of us at 5:30. You and I will change really quick so we can go.”

She studies him for a long moment and he wonders if maybe she sees something his eyes. After a while, she nods. “Alright. Yes, I-I’d like to.” They both exhaled in relief. Why was this so nerve-wracking? “I did want to watch that movie. Thank you.”

“No problem.” He said. “I’ll make the reservations first thing tomorrow morning.”

“Nothing too fancy.”

“It’ll be nice. All the boys have to wear a tie.”

“Alright.” She smiled. “I haven’t been to a sit down restaurant in a while.”

“It’s a good restaurant, I know the owner and yes, I do pay for the food.”

She smiled. “That makes me feel better.”

“Right, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Alright. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” No names for some reason. It was alright, but odd at the same time. There was something in the air tonight. He didn’t know what it was, but either way it seemed like it was a good omen. Kate, had just agreed to go to the movies with him alone. Tomorrow, it’d be their first outing completely alone and he just knew he wasn’t going to get a wink of sleep tonight. It was her birthday and he had to come up with a few special things to make it stand out for her.

---

The following evening,

---

Kate sniffled and Thomas shook his head. “For God’s sake Kate, the movie ended fifteen minutes ago.”

“It was so sad!” She said. “I couldn’t help it.” He nodded. “You don’t cry about anything.”

“Don’t have time for it,” he glanced at his watch as he got out of the car and opened the door for her. That, was the first time he’d EVER gotten the door for her. “Thank you.”

He nodded and opened the gate. “Won’t take me long.”

“Me neither.” She said. “I already laid out my dress for tonight.”

“Good girl.” It was like a blast from the past. Kate, hadn’t heard those words from his lips in years and her body instantly reacted to it. Thomas, however, didn’t seem to realize the effect those two little words had on her. What was going on with her lately? Why was she acting this way around him? It was just Thomas! It had just been a charity event the night before. A movie today and they were going out as a family, it wasn’t anything special! So why was she reacting to him and his words?

The front door opened and there stood Charlie. “We’re all ready.” He said.

“Thank you Charlie.” She inhaled as she hurried up the stairs. “Everyone make sure you’re ready to go when your father and I get down, alright?”

Everyone chimed yes and Thomas was right behind her. “Charlie, there’s a delivery coming for Kate. Leave it on the entry table, please.”

“What did you do?” She groaned. She should have known, that man couldn't resist throwing his money around.

“You’ll see.”

He placed his hand on her lower back making sure that she was alright as they ran up the stairs to get changed. Once to the top, they went to their own rooms. Kate hastily undid her shoes and struggled to unbutton the back of her dress. In the end she gave up and pulled her dress over her head. She then grabbed the coral dress off her bed and pulled it over her head. Who had time for buttons? She and Thomas were in a rush! She sat down at the vanity and brushed her hair really quick. Her makeup was smudged because she was crying.

She’d really loved the movie. It was doing well at the box office and they’d accurately portrayed Dickens work. When she finished touching up her makeup, she heard a knock on the door. She grabbed her purse and coat, before stepping outside her room. Thomas was waiting outside his, leaning up against the door and looking absolutely dashing.

He straightened up. “You ready to go?”

“Yes.”

“Ok, I may have overstepped a little,” he said as he took her hand and draped it over his arm. “but I bought you---

CRASH!!

“What the Hell!!” Charlie said angrily. “What’d you do that for?”

“Those were for Mama!” that was Angela. “You had no right---

“Just shut up!” Luciano shouted. “Just shut up!!”

“Hey!” She snapped as she went down the stairs, holding firmly onto Thomas’s arm. “What’s going---

Her voice died as she saw a smashed glass vase on the floor and Charlie holding an angry Luciano at bay. There were roses, yellow and violet, on the floor. Half of them were trampled. "Luciano did that!" Angela said. "He broke it on purpose!"

Thomas groaned. “F**k.”

She was so stunned by the sight of dozens of roses on the ground, half of them crushed that she didn't even bother telling him about his language. She set her purse on the table and knelt by the crushed roses. She picked up two roses and looked at Thomas as he knelt by her. “You…bought me roses?”

“Yes,” he inhaled. “you mentioned that Luca bought you roses on your birthday and anniversary every year.” She inhaled sharply, genuinely touched that he remembered that. “I did some research and yellow roses, represents friendship. But the lilac, in Italian culture…represents friendship as well.”

Kate felt tears build in her eyes as she repeated. “You…you actually bought me roses and…researched what they represent, for me?”

He nods. “Yes.”

Kate reached up and placed her hand on his face. He glanced at her as she gently stroked his cheekbone with her thumb. “Tommy, I---

“Oww!” Charlie shouted, drawing their attention back to Luciano, who broke away from Charlie by biting his hand! Before Kate realized what was happening, Luciano had grabbed a cricket mallet, which he’d clearly used to smash the vase and drew it back to smash Thomas over the head with it!

---

Chapter 134: Anger

“LUCIANO!!” Kate shouted as she reached for Thomas’s head with one head and brought her other hand up try and block the mallet. Thomas’s hand shot out fast and he grabbed the handle of the mallet, gave it a solid yank, which sent Luciano to the ground. Her heart was pounding violently in her chest as Thomas stood up.

He reached for her and pulled her up. “You ok?”

“Yes,” she stared at Luciano who was hauling himself up from the ground. Luciano was angry and she had no clue as to why. “Luciano Vincent Changretta,” his little fists doubled. “you better explain yourself!” Luciano ignored her and promptly ran right at Thomas!! “Whoa!!” 

Kate went to grab him, but missed, Thomas however, was prepared and caught his by his wrists. Luciano shouted in Thomas’s face. “I hate you!!” Thomas spun him around and marched him around the couch to park him in the nearest wooden chair. “I hate you!!” 

“Luciano enough!” she said as she moved to stand beside Thomas. “What is---

They were right about you! Luciano shouted at her. You English whore!

Kate gasped as did all the other kids. Those words were like a knife to her heart. She covered her mouth as the blood drained out of her face. “What’d he say?” Thomas demands. 

To her shock, Romero speaks up instantly. “He called Mama a English whore.”

Thomas didn’t even hesitate. Before she could blink, he’d grabbed Luciano from the chair, threw him over his knee and gave him five solid smacks on his backside!! Luciano hadn’t been disciplined like this ever in his life, but Kate was too in shock to say anything over Luciano’s howls. 

Thomas righted him and gripped him by his shoulders. “Now you listen to me. You’re the oldest and you don’t EVER speak to your mother like that! You don’t call her a whore! My brother’s and I beat up anyone who called our mother that. NEVER would we EVER call her a whore! That is your mother!” Thomas said as he pointed a finger in her direction. “Your father loved her very much. How do you think he felt when he heard you call her a whore? Do you think he’d be proud of you for calling the woman he loved a whore?” 

Kate reached for Thomas. “Thomas, it’s---

“No, it’s not alright, Kate.” He said firmly. “Just because he has an issue with me, he does not get to disrespect you. I don’t care about the roses or him trying to hit me with the mallet, but he does not call you a whore. I don’t know what Changretta would have done, but I was not going to let that go.”

Kate inhaled before stating. “Luca would have taken his belt to him.” Thomas glanced towards her. “But, I wasn’t going to say it’s alright. I was going to say it’s probably best to cancel the dinner reservation.”

He glances at the clock and nods. “Yeah. Can I use your phone?”

“Of course.” Kate inhales and tries to find a calmness. “Ok, can everyone sit down, please? Luciano, back in your chair.” Romero, Angela and Luna all walked towards her and she inhaled deeply as they each hugged and kissed her. She tried not to cry, but she couldn’t help it. Romero actually sat on the arm of the couch and held onto her hand. It didn’t escape her notice how Luna sat where Thomas had been so she’d be in-between her and Thomas. Angela sat at Kate’s feet and this felt better, being surrounded by her children. Luciano was sitting in the chair, angry tears staining his cheeks and he was still angry. Kate inhaled and asked. “Alright, can anyone tell me what brought this on?” 

Romero spoke up. “Papa left a letter for you.” Kate jolted in shock at those words. “Luciano read it last night.”

Her heart rose at those words. “Luca, left a letter for me. Where is it?” 

“We burned it.” Luciano snapped at her, causing Kate to gasp.

“What?” She shouted as her heart broke at those words. “Your father, wrote a letter to me, his wife and you read it and you burned it!?”

“You don’t love him!!” Luciano shouted at her, causing her to stare at him in shock. “You don’t love papa anymore!”

“That is not true,” Kate said, anger rising in her. “and don’t you dare say that I don’t love him!”

“Well you don’t!!” He said as he crossed his arms. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t be staying out late with Mr. Shelby!”

“Is that what this is about?” She asks. “Luciano, we missed the train---

“You didn’t come to bed until 2:00.” Luciano spat! “You belong to papa, not Mr. Shelby.”

Those words, filled her with rage. “I do not belong to your father! Even when he was alive, I did not belong to him because your father did not own me! I was his wife, not his property! Where the Hell---

Thomas grabbed her shoulder from behind, her before she jumped up and paddled Luciano again. “Easy, Kate---

“But he---

“Easy.” He said. “Easy.”

"Luca wrote a letter to me," she explained. "and Luciano burned it!!"

"He didn't Mama." Romero said, causing her to look at him. "I read it and I threw a picture in the fire when he wasn't looking. "

Kate exhaled and hugged Romero tightly. "Thank you, thank you so much!" Thomas moved past her her, he was surprisingly calm about this whole thing. When Romero pulled away from her, she turned towards him Thomas. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry about this.”

“It’s alright.” He said as he came around and moved to sit beside Luna. “I told him to keep the money for the reservation. He said that there’s a private room available from 6-7, he’ll keep in case we still wind up coming.”

She exhaled and said. “That’s very kind, but I don’t think it’s happening tonight.”

He nods. “I told him that, but, I did have a guest coming so I told them to come here.”

“Who’s the guest?” she inquired.

He smiled. “An old friend of ours. You’ll see when they get here.”

“You and your surprises.” She shakes her head. 

Thomas inhaled and turned towards Luciano who was glowering angrily at them. Thomas exhaled. “First, Luciano what made you destroy the roses?”

“You bought them for Mama.” He snapped. “Only papa bought flowers for mama. You’re not him!”

“Papa’s dead!” Angela said. “He can’t buy flowers for Mama anymore!”

“Then you took her to the movies without us!”

“Because it’s a grownup movie.” Kate said. “I wanted to watch it and none of you would have liked it! Thomas wanted to see it too so we went together!”

“I don’t care! You shouldn’t have gone!” 

“Hold on,” Thomas said. “do you know what today is?” 

He asked Luciano who snapped. “January 11th.”

Thomas looked at her and said. “He doesn’t know?”

“I don’t think any of them really do.” She said. “We never celebrated after Luca died. I didn’t want a fuss and they were too young to have the date memorized.”

“Ok.” He turned towards Luciano and said. “Today’s your mother’s birthday.” 

Every single kid in the room gasped. Luciano, finally had a guilty look on his face. Luna spoke first. “Happy birthday Mama.”

And she gave her a hug and kiss on the mouth. “I love you.”

“Thank you, I love you too.” Angela hugged her tightly. “I love you too.”

“I know. Happy birthday Mama.”

“Happy birthday Mama.” Romero said. “I didn’t know.”

“It’s alright.” She said. “I didn’t want to make a fuss. I never liked celebrating my birthday and when your father died, there was no reason to do it anymore.”

Romero looked at Thomas and said. “You knew or did Mama tell you?”

“I knew it.” He said. “I saw that she wanted to go to that movie when we were there watching Mickey Mouse and I asked her to go. I made reservations tonight, for all of you, so that your mother didn’t have to be in the kitchen  on her birthday. And I brought an old friend of hers that she hadn’t seen in years to come along for dinner.”

“Why’d you buy her roses?” Luciano shouted. “Only daddy bought her roses!”

“Luciano!” She snapped. “If you raise your voice at Thomas one more time, I will get the wooden spoon from the kitchen.” He glowered at her. “I know that you’re upset, but you do not get to yell at us. Do you understand me?”

Luciano nodded and bit out. “Yes!”

She inhaled deeply. God, she’d never wished that Luca was here more than she did at this moment. “Your mother told me about how your father would buy her roses and she missed that.”

Kate cut in. “And your father would buy me red roses, not purple and yellow.”

“They’re still roses.”

“Roses have meanings.” Angela said as she looked at her. “That’s what you said, right?”

“Yes. Red roses represent love. Purple and yellow roses mean friendship.” Kate inhaled as she said. “Luciano, I know that you miss your father, I miss him very much, we all do.”

“But you want to replace him with him!” the words burst out of Luciano. “You were married to him once and now you’re going to forget papa!”

Kate stared at him in complete shock. “Is that what this is about? You think I’m going to marry Thomas?”

“Yes!!” Luciano states. “You’re always touching each other!”

“We all touch!” Angela said. “Luna’s touching him now!”

“Not the way they do!” He states. “She was touching his face!”

“She touches my face too!” Charlie says. 

“She’s not your mama either! She’s my mama!”

“She was my mother first!” Charlie stated.

“Hold it,” Thomas said. “we’re not going there Charlie.”

“Why do you even care?” Romero asked angrily. “You read the letter! You read that papa said that he wanted mama to be happy again!” everyone just stared at Romero, mostly because he didn’t say much but when he did, his words always had an impact. “Papa said he wanted mama to get married again----

“He didn’t mean it!”

“if she was happy and if she loved him!” She stared at Romero. "Papa always said he wanted Mama to be happy! he wouldn't mind and she's just friends with Mr. Shelby!"

"No, they're not!"

"If they were more than friends, Mama would tell us!" Romero said. "You know that!"

“You didn’t like him either!” Luciano shouts. “You hated him as much as me!”

“I did!” Romero said. “But, he’s mama’s friend, he makes her happy, she laughs and she dresses pretty again. I like that. When he was gone, mama wasn’t happy and you know that!” Kate felt her entire body growing warmer and warmer at Romero’s words. “I want mama to be happy. You actually like Mr. Shelby ,you’re just mad that papa’s not here and you’re taking it out on mama.”

“Which papa wouldn’t like,” Angela said. “you know that he said to never make mama cry and you do! Mama used to cry because of papa being dead, but now she cries because you keep hurting her! I'm tired of Mama crying and I want her to stop crying!”

there’s a long moment of silence in the room. Kate can’t think of a damn thing to say. This whole thing, had blown up so much that she didn’t know which mess to untangle first. Thomas spoke, “Romero, you said that your father left a letter for your mother?” Romero nodded. “Right, I need you to go upstairs and get it for her, ok?” Romero nodded and he hurried upstairs. He turned to Angela. “Can you get a glass of water for your mother? She’s going to need it.” Angela nods and hurries to the kitchen. Thomas turns to her and asks. “Do you want me and Charlie to go?”

she didn’t even need to think on it. “No.” Kate said without breaking eye contact with Thomas. She inhaled and said. “If you want to go, you can, but, if you want to stay and try to work through this mess, you can but…it won’t be pretty.”

 “I’m in Kate.” He declares softly. “I’m all in.”

She inhaled as she declared. “I-I don’t even know where to start.”

“It’s alright,” he said. “I’ve got your back Kate. I’ve got you.” And that was the moment she realized that she truly wasn’t alone in this world anymore. She had support again although it had come from the most unlikely source in the world. But she did know that if they weren't able to fix things with Luciano, she was going to have to stop seeing Thomas and Charlie. There was no other choice, her children came first, regardless of what she was or wasn't feeling towards him.

Chapter 135: From beyond the grave

Thomas inhaled. Ada had warned him about this moment and he really thought that he’d been making progress with Luciano. Luciano had started talking with him on the phone, he’d started to learn what Luciano liked as well as Romero. Romero, he was quiet, but he liked ‘art’ things like music, books, different languages and science. Luciano, he liked trains, cars, mechanical things and sports, very much like he did. It had all been going well or so he thought. He never thought that Luciano would dare to swing a mallet at his head, much less call Kate a whore! THAT had shocked him to the core! Never, in his wildest dreams would he have ever thought about calling his mother a whore. His mother had a horrible life and Uncle Charlie had been the one friend that she had. Charlie had stayed silent, never told his mother of his love for her and if he had that might have made a difference in her life.

Thomas shook his head and glanced at Kate. She had her face buried in her hand. This was not how he had planned for her to spend her birthday. He cleared his throat, “Charlie, can you pick up the roses that aren’t destroyed and put them in water for Kate?”

“Yes, dad.”

Angela came out with Kate’s glass of water. “Her you go mama.”

“Thank you.” Kate took a long drink and he glanced at her hand. Her hand wasn’t shaking, so, she wasn’t upset, which meant that she made up her mind about something. He knew that she was thinking about asking him and Charlie to give them some space. While he knew was a good idea, backing down to Luciano was not a good idea. 

He cleared his throat. “Alright, when Romero gets back,” he glances at Kate and says. “I’d like you to take that letter, go read it in private. I’d like to talk to all the kids alone for a minute.”

She blinked and asked. “What about?”

“Their concerns are about me, so I’m going to talk about me and it might be better without you being there.” She hesitates, so he adds to make her smile. “I’ll watch the swearing.”

She smiled faintly as he predicted. She exhaled and said. “Are you sure? You don’t have to?”

He wasn’t sure. “I think I do. Luciano is mad at me and how we act, so, it should be discussed.” She sighed and rubbed her brow. “Give me ten minutes Kate.”

“Alright. I need a minute or two anyway.” At that moment, Romero hurried downstairs with the torn letter in hand. She exhaled as she took the letter. “Thank you. Where’d it come from?”

“He gave it to Luciano. He said, that if something ever happened to him that Luciano was supposed to wait 2 years and then give it to you.”

Sounded like Changretta, always planning things out in advance. Kate inhaled as she took the letter. She looked down at the letter, running her hand over the envelope very gently. She inhaled and whispered. “Thank you, Romero. Thank you very much for saving it.”

Romero nods. “Dad wanted you to have it.”

She smiled and hugged him before standing up. “Mr. Shelby wants to talk to you all and I’m allowing it for a few minutes. Ok?” Romero nods and she says. “I’ll be in the kitchen. Ok?”

He nods. “Yes.”

With that, Kate turned and walked out of the kitchen. All the kids settled into their perspective places. He cleared his throat before glancing at Charlie. He wasn’t sure that he could do this, he was just learning to become a father to Charlie. Charlie, nodded encouragingly at him and he decided that he had to try.

“First off,” he said. “let’s get one thing straight. Your mother and I are just friends.” He was starting it off with a lie, but as far as where their relationship was, yes, they were friends. “And we are very good friends because we’ve been through a lot together.”

“Like what?” Luciano demands.

He exhales. “I don’t know what Kate’s told you, but when I met your mother, she was a very different woman. She’d been hurt a lot, she was in the hospital and she was sick. So sick that she couldn’t even eat. My wife, Charlie’s mother,” he inhaled deeply as he confessed. “she’d been shot. The man was supposed to kill me…but he shot my wife instead. Your mother and I both had nothing to do with each other. I wanted my wife back and your mother was very alone. Your father, didn’t even know any of this because he was in America at this time.” He cleared his throat. “As you all know, I’m Romani,” they nod. “there’s a custom when you marry. You share blood, which I did with your mother and I promised that I would take care of her.” He inhaled as he admitted. “I didn’t take as good care of her as your father did, but I did protect her and Kate took care of me. I nearly died and Kate came every day to the hospital, she saved Charlie from getting kidnapped and I stopped a man from killing her. It was a very dangerous time for her and I protected her with my life.” He studied them. “You’re all too young to understand all of this, but I’m explaining why your mother and I are so close to each other. I needed her in ways that you’re too young to understand and your mother was there for me.”

“But she married papa.” Luciano said.

He nodded. “Yes, she did and I got married after Kate married your father.” He cleared his throat. “Now, I’m not good at being a father, so I most certainly am not trying to be Changretta. Your father and I were in a very dangerous life, which he got out of when he married your mother. As a result of that life, Kate knows and trusts me to take care of things. You all know why you left Italy.” They nodded. “So, you know it wasn’t safe for her, especially since someone broke in the house.”

They all jumped. “What?” Romero asked. “Who?”

Two minutes into the conversation and he already f**ked up. He glanced at Charlie. “Do you think she told them?”

“No, but,” he exhaled. “they need to know.”

He hesitated, then he decided to tell them. “Alright, someone broke into the house with a knife. Your mother woke up and found him standing over her with the knife. She killed him.” They were all staring at him in shock. “If your father was there, he would have protected her and you all know that, right?” they all nodded. “Your mother had no one to turn to. She’d been trying to get you out for weeks, but couldn’t. So when that man broke into her room, she called me because she knew that I’d get all of you out safe because I promised her a long time ago that I would take care of her. When she married your father, that was his job. Your father is dead,” he said quietly. “and I am still going to keep my promise because your mother needs help.”

“She has us.” Luciano stated. “We can help her.”

“But you couldn’t have gotten her out of Italy!” Romero said. “Mama was nearly killed and she didn’t tell us!”

“Well why didn’t she?” Luciano demanded. “She should have!”

“Because you’re children.” He pointed out. “Your mother took you back to Italy because she was worried, especially you Luciano, because you were growing up too fast. You are all children and she doesn’t want you to be concerned with adult problems.” He cleared his throat. “You know your father talked to your mother when there were problems. Now that your father is gone…who does she talk to?” Luciano glowered at him. “I was gone for six months, who did your mother talk to?”

“No one.” Angela said quietly. “Not even Frances.”

“Why weren’t you two talking?” Romero asks.

“Your mother was mad at me for leaving, so, she didn’t want to talk to me. That happens sometimes with us. Just so, you know that your mother doesn’t have many friends here in England.” They nodded. “When you get to our age, you don’t want to go to parties and make new friends. So, you stay with those you know.”

“Do you have many friends, Mr. Shelby?”

he shakes his head at Angela’s question. “No, not like your mother. She,” he exhales as he admits. “is a very special and unique woman. I trust very few people in my life apart from family. Your mother, is the only one that I’d trust as much as my family. But that does not mean, that we’re in love with each other.”

“But you love her.” Luciano said. “I can see it.”

He wasn’t even going to deny it, but he could spin it a certain way. “Yeah, I do.” They all gasped and Luciano jumped from his chair. “But there are many different kinds of love. Do all of you have a best friend?” they frowned a little. “What about back in Italy?”

“Yes, Christina.” Angela said.

Romero nodded. “Arturo. We had the same name.”

Luciano huffed and said. “Benito.”

“So, you all have a best friend and you all probably love your friend.” That, caused recognition to flash in most of their eyes. “Well, your mother is my best friend and I’m hers right now.” He clears his throat. “Now, if things changed between us and we decided that we wanted to be more like husband and wife,” Luciano panicked at those words. “we would sit down and discuss it with you.”

“Well,” Romero asked. “why don’t you and Mama get married?”

Luciano’s “No!” got drowned out by the girl’s screaming “YES!” He looked at Charlie who had the audacity to shrug and say. “I’m for it.”

He glowered at Charlie and held up his hands as he said. “I’m not going to marry your mother.” Today, at least. He added mentally.

“Why not?” Romero asked. “You two are friends.”

“Because your mother and I are not in love with each other.” He explained. “Your mother still loves your father. Now, just because your mother is having fun, that doesn’t mean that she’s forgotten him and more than it means I’ve forgotten my wife, Grace.” He grabbed his wallet and pulled out a photo of him and Grace. He handed it to Luna who looked at it. “And I know, your mother wears a photo of your father in the locket she always wears.”

“She didn’t wear it last night.”

“Lockets don’t look good with evening dresses.” Angela said as Luna handed her the photograph. She studied it for a moment. “She was very pretty.”

He nods. “Yeah, she was. I loved her very much.”

Romero took the photo and looked at it as well. “Were you married long?”

“No, we weren’t even married for six months.” He inhaled. “I married your mother less than a month later.” 

Romero didn’t hand Luciano the photo and he was grateful for that. “It must have been hard on you.”

“It was.” Those words came from Kate and they all turned around to see her holding Luca’s letter in her hand. Her face was puffy, so he knew that she’d been crying again. She inhaled as she walked towards the couch. “Thomas had a lot to deal with at that time. I’m sure all of you remembered the day that your dad died and how hard it was on me.” They nodded. “Thomas didn’t get to do that. I had responsibilities, but he had a lot more and I became one more responsibility that he didn’t need. And he tried very, very hard to take care of me even though he was suffering.” Kate sat down beside him and placed her hand on his knee. “I had grandma there, but he did not have anybody. I tried to be there for him when he needed me and now it’s his turn. And I have appreciated it and it has been nice to have him there. Not because he is replacing your father because he isn’t.”

“Well it feels like it!” Luciano stated. “He’s always here!”

“And you’re over at his house,” Kate points out. “I don’t recall Charlie complaining about you coming over.” She inhaled. “Now, before this gets heated again, I want to read part of your father’s letter out to you.” She unfolded the letter with one hand, still leaving her hand on his knee. “Your father, as you all know he was quite the romantic, so Luciano,”  she shot him a strict look. “you had no business reading some of those things he said to me. They were private, meant for a husband and wife and once this is over, you most certainly will be grounded for that.”

That seemed a bit much. “Kate---

she flashed the letter in front of him and said. “Third paragraph.”

He took it and scanned it. All he needed to see was Changretta talking about drinking Kate in and how she tasted like sweet honey when she was dripping for him. He saw something about the firmness of her breasts before he quickly handed the letter back to Kate and nodded. “Agreed.” He did NOT need to have that thought in his head today of all days!

Kate shakes her head at him before addressing the children. “This is a very personal letter, so I won’t be sharing all of it with you, but I am sharing the section that I’m sure your father would want you to hear. This first sentence here, your father promised me that if he died that he would always visit me in my dreams and he would talk to me. So, that’s what he’s referring to. ” She clears her throat before reading the letter aloud. “ The day you no longer see me, mi amore, is the day that you started loving someone else.” Those words caused Thomas’s heart to jump in his chest. Kate had admitted that she wasn’t seeing Luca in her dreams anymore. He didn’t dare to hope that meant what Changretta had said, but still! 

“And that’s alright, my love, I do not want you to be sad. I have always hated to see you cry and I hope that you did not cry too hard and long for me. We had a beautiful life together. You gave me beautiful children and you filled my heart with so much love. I hope that whoever he is, that he will love you with all of his heart. Don’t settle for anything less than that. You are my goddess, a beautiful one at that and he better treat you like the queen that I know you are. You need to be loved and you need to be loved deeply. I hope he is strong so that he can hold you and protect you. You’ve had so hard a life amore that I do not like the idea of you marrying someone unable to take the weight of the world off your shoulders. 

If you do love that man, then know that I am giving you my blessing. You do not love easy, I know it is hard for you to fall in love because you were even scared of falling in love with me. So if you have fallen in love again, that means you’ve trusted that man; not only with your heart, but you are also trusting him with my children. I know that it’ll probably be hard for them as well and I pray that he has the patience to work with them, especially with my boys as I know they have my temper. I know you well enough to know that you won’t marry him unless he loves my children as well. I hope that they come to love him as well because I know what it is like to lose a father. It is an emptiness that I do not wish to be left on them. I want there be someone in your life who can help you raise them into men that I will be proud of. I know you will raise our daughters to be as wonderful a woman as you. I loved you as I loved no one else and I pray that when our children marry that their future spouse loves them as deeply as we loved each other.

If I am rambling on and there is no man in your life, that is alright. But please, do not remain alone. I do not want you to be alone anymore, my love. If you are lonely in Italy, leave, go to America or return to England. I trust your judgement and I know that you will look after my children. If you’re reading this, you must have wondered why I wrote this. With my dark past as you know, there was always the chance that something could happen to me. If you’re reading this, then something did happen to me and I am so sorry that, I am not there with you all right now. But even though I am gone, I still live on through my children and through you. I know that you will not let them forget me and we will not forget each other. We are both part of each other. I have always put you and your happiness above mine, know that always. 

Please, take care of yourself and as you’re reading this, I hope you have a handkerchief handy as you always seem to lose yours. I hope my children are supporting you but still being children. Know that I am always watching each and everyone of you as you start this new chapter of your life together without me. But even though I am not in anymore chapters, that does not mean that the story is over. All of you have stories to tell and keep telling it until the end of the book is over. I will love you always and while I lived it was an honor to be your husband, your love, the father of our four wonderful children and to share every single second that we had together.”

Kate folded up the letter and tucked it back into the envelope.

For a moment, no one spoke. Everyone was silent and frankly, there wasn’t anything that could be said. Changretta had a way with words that he didn’t have. Of course, Changretta’s mother was a teacher and Thomas had skipped school. But even if he had attended, he doubted that he could have come up with words like that. The message was clear, Luca wanted them to move on. Kate and all of them had started to move on except for Luciano. He was still holding onto his father and Thomas’s relationship with Kate made him feel like he was losing him. So, when he read the letter, it must have felt as if his father was betraying him as well.

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

All of them, even Thomas jumped because they were so startled by the banging. They’d all gotten lost in the letter. He stood up with a groan. There was only one man in the world could be such an obnoxious arsehole of a prick at the wrong moment in time.

Chapter 136: Uncle Alfie

Kate placed her hand on her frantically beating heart. God, she did not know what the next step was. Before the letter, asking Thomas and Charlie to step back for a bit would be easy. But Luca, in true Luca fashion, always laid out his wishes in a confusing manner. She cared for Thomas, she did, but she didn’t think that she was in love with him. She loved being around him, he made her laugh, she felt happier when he was around and she loved wearing pretty clothes. She hadn’t moved on necessarily, she’d just decided to start living again.

“No, I won’t f**king go back, Tommy!!” Kate spun around at the sound of that voice and she jumped up as Alfie Solomons stomped into the room leaning on a cane. “It’s eight f**king hours I been on the train!”

“Oh my God!” her heart rose in her chest as she hurried around the couch to hug him. “Alfie!”

Alfie let out a hearty laugh as he spotted her. “Well, if it ain’t the f**king birthday girl!! Get that f**king arse over here!” Kate laughed as she threw her arms around his neck. Alfie held tightly onto her as he spun her around with one arm. “Oh, crikey, look at you! Ten years and you’re still this tiny little thing.”

“Alfie, don’t be ridiculous. I’ve had four children. I am not so tiny anymore.”

“You f**king what?” Alfie pulled back and looked at her, his hands on her waist. “Oh, you’re tiny, you always was a tiny thing. My wife, charlotte, she’s back home, she ain’t so tiny, she’s like 2 of you in one, which I like. Man likes to be able to grab the woman he got, but ain’t nothing wrong with you either!”

“You’ve gotten married, then?”

he nodded. “Yeah, last year. Shelby didn’t tell me you was on the market.”

Kate laughed and shook her head. “Congratulations! I knew someone would snatch you up, you old teddy bear.”

She planted a kiss on Alfie’s scarred cheek. “Oi,” he said as he gave her arse a friendly smack, causing her to jump. “I’m a married man now!”

“Don’t do that!” Luciano said, causing Alfie to turn and look at him.

“Luciano,” she exhaled as her head began to throb. “you’re still in trouble.”

“But he just---

“Luciano, this isn’t Italy.” She said firmly. “Alfie is an old family friend, so sit down and let me handle it!” 

Luciano sat down with a thump and Alfie chuckles. “Oh, you wasn’t f**king kidding. You did have four kids. Both boys look just like that f**ker of a husband of yours.” Luciano opened his mouth and Kate up a hand, silencing him before he could explode. “Sorry to hear he passed.”

“Thank you Alfie.”

“Yeah, didn’t like him but he loved you.” Kate nodded. “Oh, before I forget,” Alfie reaches into his pocket and hands her a letter. “he wrote this for you.”

Kate stared at the letter in shock. “Luca wrote this? For me?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “After you, he and Shelby all had that meeting in my room about the divorce. Said if something happened to him, he wanted you to have this.”

Kate shook her head as she looked down at the letter. “He was always worried that there wasn’t time to say goodbye. You held onto it for all these years?”

“No.” Alfie shook his head. “Wife found it while cleaning. Called up Shelby, asked if he knew where you were and he said you were here. Said it was your birthday and I thought I’d bring it to you.”

“All the way from Margate?”

“Yeah.” Alfie blinked. “How’d you know I live in Margate?”

“You were bellowing at Tommy.”

“Hmm, Tommy now is it?” Alfie teased. “Not Mr. Shelby?”

“Alfie.” Thomas warned.

“Yes Alfie, we’ve made up.”

“Aww, good. That’s nice, yeah, hope he treats you better.”

“Alfie,” she says. “that was ten years ago and Thomas is a friend now.”

“Yeah, right, well,” Alfie clapped his hands together. “I am starving, so lets go eat!”

“Alfie,” she explained. “we’re not eating because there’s a bit of a family problem. I don’t think we’re going out.”

“Oh no!” Alfie said as he hobbled over to look at her kids. “Let me guess, it’s the little sour-puss in the chair, right?”

Kate fought to keep from laughing because of Alfie and his terminology. Instead, she nodded. “Yes. Luciano.”

“Aww, what’d he do?”

“He broke Mama’s flowers!” Luna said, causing Alfie to look down at her.

“No!” He said dramatically. “Did he?”

“Then,” Angela spoke up. “he tried to hit Mr. Shelby in the head with a mallet.”

“Did he?” Alfie said as he tsked his tongue. “That’s not good, not good at all.” He turned. "Tommy, you getting slow, a little kid nearly sent you Hell?"

“Then, he called mama an English whore.” Romero growled out.

“He what?” Alfie said as his jaw dropped. “He f**king what?”

“Alfie," Kate said. "I need you to---

“I trust you walloped him for that, Tommy.” Alfie said as he looked towards Thomas. “See, that ain’t right.”

“Alfie,” Thomas said. “look, mind the swearing, there are kids here.” Kate shot him a grateful look. “But Kate and I are dealing with it.”

“Yeah, not today mate.” Alfie turned to Luciano and pointed a cane at him. “You, get upstairs and get out of those clothes into something that you can get dirty. Go on!”

Luciano just sat there and Kate cleared her throat. “What are you doing Alfie?”

“The lad’s staying here with me. You, Tommy and the others go to dinner, have fun and we’ll see you either there or here when you get back.”

She frowned. “Alfie, you can’t just tell me to go off and leave my child alone with you.”

“What, don’t you trust me?” he said. “I’m beyond disappointed.”

“Alfie,” Thomas said. “she needs to know.”

Alfie exhaled. “Look, there’s nothing wrong with that kid that a punch in the nose won’t fix.”

Kate gasped. “Alfred Solomons!”

“Now hold on,” Alfie said. “I ain’t the one hittin’ him. I’m saying that either he’s the one getting hit or he’s the one throwing the punch.”

Thomas studied him. “You’re going to take him to a ring?”

“Yeah, plenty of boys his age there.” Alfie spoke in a lower voice. “I seen that look before, seen it staring back at meself in the mirror several times. That boy got too much f**king anger inside. Needs to get it out. So, I think the f**king ring out to do it cause he ain’t listening to either of you two no matter.” Alfie was right, Luciano was angry. When he did speak, his words were erratic and uncontrolled, there was no calmness inside him. “Look, it’s your birthday. Tommy made plans for you all, it’s a nice place he chose and all your kids are dressed up. Let me handle the lad. I guarantee within an hour, he’ll be back to the same boy you once knew.”

She bit her lip and looked at Thomas. “I don’t know. What do you think?”

He looked surprised for a moment, but he nodded. “I agree with Alfie. He is angry and that anger needs to go somewhere. The ring might be a good idea, Luciano likes sports, he likes wrestling Kate. Boxing may just be what he needs.”

Alfie nods. “I’ll take him and then you Tommy, the two of you can go together at another date. Maybe even take the other boy and Charlie later on.”

He looks at Kate and says. “Your call.” She groaned and looked at Luciano. He was angry, he wasn’t even concerned that they were talking about him. She didn’t want to leave him alone, but she had been trying for nearly a year. Luciano wouldn’t talk to her, he wouldn’t tell her what was troubling him. “Sometimes,” Thomas added. “It easier to talk to someone who’s not involved.”

She nodded as she admitted reluctantly. “You’re both probably right. I didn't have brothers, I don't know anything about raising a boy into a man.” She exhaled and said begrudgingly. “Alright, let’s go before I change my mind.”

“Right!” Thomas nodded and said. “Everyone, get up and get ready to go out to the car!”

Everyone, including Luciano got up and moved towards the door. Kate inhaled and said. “Luciano, you’re going to go upstairs, change into your play clothes and go with Mr. Solomons.”

Luciano stared at her in pure shock. “What?”

She nodded. “We’re going to dinner without you.”

“YOU’RE LEAVING ME!?” Luciano shouts, causing all the kids to stop and turn towards him.

“Oi!” Alfie said giving him a nudge with his cane. “Don’t raise your voice to your mum. Didn’t your father teach you better?”

Luciano spun around and snarled at Alfie. “You don’t know anything about my father!”

“I know enough about him to know that he’d have walloped you for that!” Alfie poked him with the cane. “Now, you be a good lad for your uncle Alfie, go upstairs, get some play clothes and put those in a bag. You be good and maybe we’ll wind up at the restaurant before dessert.” He turned to Thomas and said. “The food is kosher, right?”

Thomas nods. “Yes, owner is Jewish and all his staff are going to use the food they make for him and his family.”

“Right, thank you Tommy!”

Kate inhaled as she knelt beside Luciano. “Listen to me,” he glowered darkly at her. “if I hadn’t read that letter, I would be asking Thomas and Charlie to step out of my life. But your father asked me to have a man or two in your life to help make you into a man that he’s proud of.” Luciano looked away from her, but she cupped his face in her hands and made him look at her. “Your father would not be proud of you right now. You’ve become a very angry boy. Thomas had to step in because you swung at him with a mallet! You called me a whore. You’ve been telling your sisters to shut up and I have been trying to talk to you, but you won’t talk to me.” She inhaled and asked. “What’s really bothering you? You can keep saying that it’s Thomas, but I know that’s not true. I know that something else is troubling you. Will you please tell me?” Luciano said nothing. He actually took a step back and Kate inhaled sharply. "Then I have to let Alfie and Thomas try because you won't with me."

“Right, upstairs.” Alfie said giving Luciano a poke. “Now.” Luciano turned and moved slowly upstairs. “Don’t make me come up those with my cane, so get a wiggle on!” Kate inhaled as she fought back tears. “Tommy, get her up, take her out, get her mind off this for a bit, alright?”

She sniffled and looked at the clock. “It’s not even 6:00, maybe we can---

“No, if he gonna act like that, he don’t need to be around you or the kids. Besides, he can't eat when he's like that. All bad for his insides.” Thomas took ahold of her arm and helped her to her feet. “Go on, I got this.”

She inhales. “I hope I’m not making a mistake. I know he shouldn’t get away with his attitude, but, you’re a stranger, Alfie.”

“Naw, he and the others can call me Uncle Alfie now.” She laughed and shook her head. “Hold on, everyone line up and tell me your names. Ok?” Kate shook her head as each child lined up and introduced themselves to Alfie. “Right, now your brother is gonna be alright. He just needs to hit something and I’m gonna take him to hit it. Maybe then he'll stop yelling at your mother, alright?" They nod. "Good. All of you, look after your mother and see to it that she has a good time, alright?”

“Yes, Uncle Alfie!” Luna said loudly, causing Alfie to chuckle.

“This one’s the sweet one, I can tell.” Alfie waved them away. “Right, go on, I’ll bring your boy back to you as good as new! Have fun!”

Kate groaned internally as Thomas took her arm and led her out of the house. “Right, since we’ve got 30 minutes before we have to get to the restaurant,” Thomas reached into his wallet. “I got something for all of you.”

She immediately started shaking her head. “Thomas—

He ignored her. “Now, it’s your mother’s birthday and I’m sure all of you want to get her something.”

“Thomas." She stopped as all three kids started squealing in excitement. 

“So, there’s a store right next to the restaurant.” He began placing money in their hands. “There’s 20 pounds for each of you.”

“Thomas!”

“Get her something nice, ok? But give the change back to as soon as you've bought her a present, that way your mom's not worried about what I gave you. Alright?”

“Thank you, Mr. Shelby!” the girls chimed.

Romero grinned. “I think I know exactly what I want to get mama.”

“Me too!”

Thomas finally looked at her and she shook her head in defeat. “What am I going to do with you?”

He shrugs. “No idea.” She laughs shortly as he holds his hand out to her. “Come on. Let’s go.”

She inhaled deeply and took his hand. When Thomas got her situated in the car, she looked back at the house and wondered if she’d made a mistake leaving Luciano with Alfie Solomons of all people.

Chapter 137: Alfie's advice

“Right,” Alfie said. “there you go. Go warm up on the bag.”  The boy said nothing. This boy was angry. Angry like he’d been in a f**king war and he was mad that he survived. He exhaled and watched as the boy began punching the bag. Yeah. That kid was f**king angry. Good form, no place to put the energy though, so yeah, the bag’d have to do. “So,” he asked. “how long Shelby been seeing your mom?” BAM! That boy hit the punching bag like he was punching Shelby himself. He grinned to himself. Yeah, this was going to be too f**king easy. “Always thought they looked cute together. F**king broke my heart when she picked your father over Shelby.”

the boy spun around and shouted at him. “Will you shut up!?”

“Oi! You watch yourself kid!” he said. “Your father would be so f**king disappointed in you!” 

the boy spun around, his eyes blazing with a passionate fury. “You…don’t know my father!”

“Well, he sure as hell ain’t happy with you! If I ever, talked to my mother the way you did to yours, I’d wake up in Hell! My father’d have gift wrapped me and f**king shipped me off himself.” the boy let out a snarl as he stormed towards him. That boy was so angry that he didn’t even care that Alfie was more than twice his size. He caught the boy’s hand and spun him around. “Right, how about you just pick on someone your own size?” he looked around and moved the boy into a pen with another boy who was talking with his father or his teacher. “Here, he warmed up?”

the teacher looked confused. “Uhm, yeah, but---

“Good.” He poked Luciano with his cane. “This kid needs a good punch in the nose and ain’t the one to lay him out flat. Your boy might do the trick.”

The man shook his head. “No, first off my boy is training, he isn’t going to---

“Look,” Alfie said. “his dad died, his ma’s got a friend that he don’t like, today they was supposed to be going out when he called his ma a f**king whore,” the kid and man’s eyes flashed. “on her birthday, that he didn’t even know! So,” Alfie said. “he needs to get hit or hit something. He tried to take a swing at me and I can’t fight back, so, need your boy to do the honors and all that.”

The man hesitated. “I don’t know.”

Luciano suddenly just snapped and he swung at the boy! The boy reacted fast and blocked the blow! “Right, there we are! Let’s have a nice little fight, now.” The man shook his head and got out of the pen as his kid drew his arm back and punched Luciano in the nose! Luciano fell back, blood coming from his nose. “Oh, nice one. Nice one!” 

The man looked at Alfie as if he was completely confused as to what was going on. “Keep your hands up kid, they’ll protect your face. Billy, go easy on him.” 

“Yeah,” Alfie said. “kid ain’t fought before. Just teach him a lesson.”

The man’s brow arched. “Never fought before?”

“Yeah. So, as I was saying, his ma’s friend…they used to be married, see?” Luciano got up and threw himself at the boy. The boy sidestepped, causing Luciano to crash into a wall of the pen. “Whole mess of it. His father, was a right honorable bastard, f**king wop if you know what I mean. American.” Luciano was getting angrier and angrier by the second. He hauled off and punched the kid, finally clipping him good and hard in the jaw. “Ooh, sorry ‘bout that.”

“Billy’ll be fine.” The man frowned. “He’s got potential. If he can control his temper.”

“Oh, you know how these Italians are, f**king hot heads.”

“Will you shut up,” Luciano shouted. “about my father you f**king Jew!”

now, the boy and his father must have been Jewish too, in fact, Alfie was fairly certain for the boy spun Luciano around and leveled two solid punches to Luciano’s gut! The boy doubled over, only to get nailed in the jaw and down he went! “Corner, Billy.” The boys father said. “He wasn’t even facing you!”

Luciano didn’t move, he just lay there holding his stomach. “Right mate,” Alfie said. “I think that did it. Thanks a lot. Good job.” Alfie opened the gate and got inside. “Right, get on up.” The boy didn’t. He just rolled onto his back and looked upwards at the ceiling blinking back tears. Alfie exhaled and knelt in the straw. “Hurt don’t it?” the boy said nothing. “I remember when me own mother died, father started seeing someone else and oh, I hated her.” That made Luciano look at him. “Felt like I ate red hot coal every time I had to look at her.”

“I hate Shelby.” The boy said.

“Yeah, you hate your mother too. Tell me something I don’t know.”

“I don’t hate her.” He said as he sat up.

“You called your ma a f**king whore. That your way of showing love, that is? That how your father showed your mother love? He call her that?” the boy said nothing. “Cause if he did, she should have stayed f**king married to Shelby.”

The boy was silent for a long time. “She’s going to forget him.”

“Forget who?”

“Papa.”

Alfie frowned. “How the f**k you figure that? She got you four brats running around with his f**king face. I tell ya,” he leaned forward. “she remembers him every time she f**king looks at you.”

The boy inhaled and asked. “Then why is she with Shelby? It ain’t right!”

“Look,” he rubbed his beard. “your father's been dead for two years. Ain't like he's coming back. See, now her and Shelby, they been through a lot. They fought a war together. Shelby, he made a lot of deals making sure that she was safe. Shelby killed a lot of men who hurt your mother.”

Luciano frowned. “He did?”

Alfie studied him. “Look, if I tell you this, you got to keep it to yourself. You seem like a smart kid, angry, but smart. So, you won’t say nothing?” The boy nodded. “I need to hear it.”

“I promise.”

“Swear on your father’s soul, cause if you lie, he goes straight to f**king hell if he ain’t there already.”

The boy bit his lip, but he nodded. “I swear on my father’s soul, I won’t tell.”

“Right, stand up.” The boy did with a grunt as he held onto his rib cage. “Come here.” The boy hobbled over. “You see how your nose hurts? Your stomach?” Luciano nodded. “Your ma, was married to a man who used to hit her like that, every day for two years.” The boy went still. “Weren’t just him, there were other men and he’d sit there and watch them do it. Sometimes he’d pay them to hurt you mother ‘cause he thought it was fun.”

“But…why?”

“Cause men like him are sick. F**king animals.” He said. “That ain’t the worst he’d do to her. You seen men whip horses?” the boy nodded. Alfie turned him around. “I bet, you ain’t ever seen your ma’s back. Because that man, took a whip to your ma’s back.” Luciano inhaled sharply as Alfie brought his hand up Luciano’s back. “She don’t show her back, she changes her dresses to hide the scars.” He turned the boy towards him. “Your father ever talk about sex to you?”

the boy shook his head. “No.”

“You know what that is?”

Luciano bit his lip. “A little bit.”

“Good, don’t need details for you. You just need to know that when you’re older you make sure the woman says it’s ok. ‘cause us men, we’re bigger and stronger than they are and you can hurt a woman if you aren't careful. That man, he would force your mother and he would hurt her in the worst ways that a man could ever hurt a woman.” The boy started to tear up at those words, which was good. “He would let other’s hurt her too and your mother, she nearly died several times because that man wanted to kill her.”

“But,” he hiccuped. “how---

“Oh, she killed him and she got to her father. Now, her father, made her marry that man in the first place. She never loved him. Her father, called Shelby’s aunt and they got her to the hospital. Now, Shelby’s wife just died and the man’s brother, he told Shelby to hand your mother over and that he was going to kill her. So Shelby, he married your mother because he’s a very powerful man.” He frowned. “You seen gangster films, right?”

“Yes.”

“Well, me, Shelby and your father used to be f**king gangsters back in the old days.”

Oh, those eyes lit up. “Really?”

“Yeah. Shelby and me, we’d work together sometimes. Your father, he was in America so we didn’t see each other till later. Now, your mother, she didn’t know what Shelby was gonna do. She thought he was gonna hurt her like this other fella, see?” he nods. “Your mother, she didn’t like to be touched or anything. Shelby, he wouldn’t let anyone, even me, put a hand on her. Only he could put his hands on her and anyone that did, he killed. He killed almost all the men who ever hurt your mother because he wanted her to be safe.” Luciano crossed his arms. “Shelby made a deal with me as well and we both agreed to protect your mother. And no one, ever went after your mother because she was his wife.”

“Did he love mama?” Luciano asked. “He says he didn’t, but, I think he’s lying.”

“You’d be right ‘bout that. Yes, Shelby was in love with your ma.”

“I knew it!” Luciano said loudly. “I knew it!”

“Yeah, but did you know that your mother was in love with Shelby too?”

Luciano’s froze. “What?”

“Yeah, she was very much in love with him too, but Shelby f**ked up and kissed another girl.”

“Why?”

“Oh, he weren’t in love with her yet. He fell in love with your ma later, but that was when your father came into your ma’s life and he swept her off her feet so f**king fast that Shelby didn’t know what was going on.” Luciano chuckled at those words. “Now, Shelby didn’t want to let your ma go at first, but your father wouldn’t let her go. It all ended with your father taking her to Italy and having you and your other messy kids. Shelby never stopped loving your ma. Sure he’s denied it for years, but he knows that she loves your father. He respects it. The only question is,” Alfie asks. “does your ma love him?”

“I don’t know.” Luciano frowned. “Mama touches him a lot. She says it doesn’t mean anything.”

“And it probably doesn’t.” He said. “You see, we human beings, we’re made for comfort, warmth and all that. Your ma misses there being a man about the house, one that she can trust. You seen her face when I walked in the room, right?” the boy nodded. “Her face lit up and she hugged me. Kissed me too.”

“You slapped her backside.”

“Yeah,” Alfie felt his face flush. “little game that we used to do. Don’t mean nothin’ other than hello.”

"Oh, I didn't know that."

"Yeah, depends on the girl though. Don't do that unless you're friends with the girl otherwise she'll knock your head off." Alfie asked. “Tell me this, Shelby good to your ma?”

“Yes.”

“He take care of her? Make her smile?”

“Yes.”

“Does he take care of all of you too?” Luciano nods. “He nice to you even when you’re being a little sh*t?”

“Yes.”

“Your ma, is only doing what’s best for you. Now, I don’t know if she’s in love with Shelby, but I do know, that Shelby knows that your ma is in love with your father. He knows that and he ain’t gonna do nothing unless he knows your ma feels the same way.” Alfie studied him and asked. “You want your ma to be happy, right?”

“Yes, but…why with him?”

“Don’t know.” He said. “You see, that’s the thing about people. You don’t know why one of them f**king loves someone. You can look at two people and wonder how the hell they ever got together.” He shakes his head. “I don’t know why my wife married me, but she loves me.” He shook his head and then said. “You know, how you said about they touch each other…you ever seen a beaten animal?”

Luciano nodded. “Once.”

“Tried to touch it?” He nodded. “What’d it do?”

“Pulled away.”

“That’s what your ma would do with Shelby, she was scared of everything. Shelby, he may not have gone about it in the nicest way, but he got your ma to stop jumping every time someone touched her. He helped her get better, he put her back together. So, when they touch, it’s their little way of talking to each other. Always was.” He shakes his head. “The two of them could be fighting and they’d touch each other to try and calm the other down. Your ma even touched Shelby like that in front of your father once.”

Luciano frowned. “And father didn’t say anything? He let her do that?”

“Yeah, well, he asked your ma if she wanted to stay with Shelby because he wanted her to be happy. Your mother chose your father.”

Luciano exhaled and shook his head. “I still don’t like him.”

“Oh, that’s fair, no one likes Shelby at first, even your ma.” The boy chuckled. “But the thing is, he does care for your mom and he wants to protect her. Ain’t nothing wrong with that, is there?”

“No, but,” he inhaled. “I promised dad I would. Mama won't let me do that anymore. She says I need to be a boy, that I'm not a man yet.”

“She's right, not time for you to fill your dad's shoes. And you do take care of your mother in little ways, like you do the dishes and stuff like that. But sometimes your ma needs someone bigger than you to do the job. It’s a hard thing she’s got to do. Raising four kids on her own, ain’t easy and no one’s paying her either. Shelby struggled with his kid till your ma helped. Hey,” the boy looked up at him. “losing a parent, that ain’t easy, but you can’t get angry with your ma. You wanna be the man of the house, start acting like a man first, not a baby. You have to talk to your ma, tell her when something’s f**king bothering you. Don’t yell at her like that.”

The boy looked down and mumbled. “Feels like…ma wants to be with him. I don’t want her to marry him.”

“Why not?”

“Because he’s not dad.”

“And, that’s a problem why?” Alfie asks. “You went to church, right?” the boy nods. “God made Eve cause Adam needed a helper and friend, right?”

“Yes, but---

“So, she has a helper and friend, right? Ain’t nothing wrong with that. Your father was her best friend and she ain’t never gonna see him again.”

Luciano was quiet, then, that stubborn chin of his started to wobble before he broke and cried. “I miss my dad!!”

“Oh,” he placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder . “of course you do. We all do. I miss my mother still. And Shelby…he didn’t have any parents.” He handed the boy his handkerchief as bloody snot began to trickle down from his nose. “Wipe your face.” The boy did. “Now, you may not like Shelby, but round here when there’s boys without father’s we f**king step in to help. Shelby’s mother killed herself and his father took off and left Shelby alone with his kid brothers. Shelby only got to see him once and his father came back to steal from them.” The boy looked curiously at him. “He had someone step in for his father in his life and he respects him like he respects his own father. He won’t be Shelby’s father, but that’s the best thing that he’s got. Now, Shelby may be a lot of things, but he knows what it’s like to not have a father. He knows, exactly what’s going on in that little head of yours whether you like it or not. Now, you’ve a right to be angry, don’t let no one say any different, but you’re angry with your dad.”

The boy’s eyes widened. “I am not mad---

“Yeah, you are. You’re mad that he left you. You’re mad that he left you and your ma alone. After all, if he hadn’t died, he’d be here and Shelby wouldn’t be with your mother, right?” the boy nodded. “Can’t hear you.”

“Yes!” the boy said. “I don’t want things to change.”

“No one does, but things are going to change. You’re changing as we’re f**king sitting here talking. Look,” he inhaled. “one day, you’re going to be all grown up, you and your brother and sisters, you’re all going to move away, get married, who’s going to be there for your ma?”

the boy frowned. “We’ll visit.”

“Every day? Every hour? You gonna move yourself, your wife and kids in?”

“I-I don’t know!” He said. “Maybe!”

“See, the wife probably won’t like that. Wives don’t like to live with their husband’s mothers. They like their own place.” Alfie studied him. “Your ma could die alone in that house. You thought about that?”

“No.” He mumbled.

“You should. There’s a lot of things that happen. It’s your ma’s job to take care of you, but who’s going to take care of her, when she’s old? You thought of that?”

“No.”

“Now, I ain’t saying this’ll happen, they’re both still friends, right?”

“I guess.”

“Yeah, always a guessing game with those two. If Shelby does marry her, when you all move off, he’ll be there. She’ll have a friend, he’ll take care of her, she’ll be safe ,right?”

“Yes.”

“Good, I know you’re a smart boy, big boy, growing on 11, right?” 

“Yes Sir.”

“Yeah, in the Jewish community, you become a man at 13. You’re almost a man. Sometimes, being a man means letting go of things that you got no control over. Now, what is it you don’t like about Shelby?”

“I don’t like him.”

“That don’t count. What specifically about him do you not like?” Alfie said. “I want details.” There’s a long, very long pause, but Luciano had no answer. “That’s what I thought. Here’s the question…do you love your ma?”

“Very much.”

“Did your dad love your ma?”

Luciano nods. “Yes sir.”

“That’s good there. Now, you know, you can love more than one person in your lifetime, right?” the boy shook his head. “Well, you can. If your ma does fall in love with Shelby again, what you gonna do? Tell her that she don’t get to love him?” the boy said nothing. “She loves your father, she will always love your father, just like Shelby’ll always love his first wife. But they’re both lonely people and it’d be nice to think that they could make each other happy, right?”

“I suppose.” Luciano is silent before saying. “Mama’s mad at me.”

“You’re mad at her, she’s sad. She was crying, but she still loves you.”

“Does she?”

Alfie nods. “A mother’s curse. They’re always going to love their kids even when they’re being jerks like you.”

Luciano was quiet then he said. “Can we go see mama?”

He nods. “Yeah, let’s go.” 

Luciano removed the gloves and before leaving he ran over to the boy Billy and apologized for what he said without Alfie saying anything to him. The kid had a good heart, he just needed a man to step in and talk man to man with him. They got in the car and Alfie talked to him about just seeing if he could be friends with Shelby. Just friends, not Shelby being a dad and the boy agreed. Alfie felt a weight he didn’t know existed roll off his shoulders. He liked Shelby, but he liked Kate more. The lass had grown into a woman and life still hadn’t stopped running her through the ringer.

Alfie parked the car and Luciano jumped out of the car and ran towards his mother who was coming out of the restaurant with her arm on Shelby. They made a fine couple, he had to admit that. Kate she saw her boy and she instantly let go of Shelby as that boy launched himself into her arms, crying. Kate didn’t give a damn as she held onto her boy and the two of them started crying. Alfie didn’t hear much on the words, but that was fine. He could tell from the way the kids and Kate were reacting that the punch from Billy had managed to let that boy get that anger out of him.

Soon, the other kids were hugging Luciano and he could tell that the family was making up. At one point Luciano walked up to Shelby and talked to him. Thomas nodded and the two of them talked briefly, but it ended with Luciano shaking Shelby’s hand and Shelby gave him a fatherly pat on the back. Yeah, Shelby was in f**king love again, he could see it when Shelby looked at Kate. Ten years hadn’t killed that f**king love and now, he had to share that love with four kids too. It was hard, but if Shelby was going for it he couldn’t help but admire it. Maybe one day the kids would all look back at this and laugh, but right now, Shelby had a lot of work ahead of him. Kate needed time and he sure as hell hoped that they all finally became the one big family that they were meant to be. He made a note to tell Shelby he wanted an invitation to the wedding as soon as it happened.

Chapter 138: The first date

May 14, 1936

---

The driver honked on the horn and Thomas came out of the house with Charlie right behind him. He waved as all the kids piled out of the car. Kate grabbed her two baskets and watched as Thomas greeted each and every one of her children. A lot had happened in three months, especially with Luciano. It had been hard, especially for Thomas, but she had to admire him for his persistence in working with Luciano. The boxing, to her surprise, had done wonders for Luciano. He’d reverted back to that sweet boy that he used to be when his father was alive. He’d finally accepted that Kate and Thomas were two friends who cared very deeply about each other. Kate had offered to end her friendship with Thomas, but Luciano said he'd wait and see. A month after going boxing with Thomas, he told her that it was alright and he didn't really mind.

Cared. That word was starting to sound hollow when they were around each other. It was strange, so very strange, but they still enjoyed each other’s company without there being any issues. Thomas while not being their father was able to fill a role that both her boys needed so much in their lives. It had taken them a while to get there, but Thomas, true to his word; he’d been all in with her. She remembered doubting that Thomas could be a good fatherly figure, but he had proven her wrong. They’d begun spending a bit more time together, he invited her out to movies occasionally and quite a few social gatherings. His family, was still absent from all of them, but she couldn’t blame him for putting it off, especially knowing that Polly would be furious about the whole thing.

“Luciano,” Thomas said after shaking his hand. “Alfie’s on the phone for you.”

Oh, those eyes lit up. “Great! Thank you Mr. Shelby!”

Kate shook her head as Luciano ran into the house. Thomas chuckled and shook his head. “And Romero, that microscope arrived, it’s upstairs in your room.”

“Good! Thank you Mr. Shelby.”

Thomas chuckled and knelt down for Angela and Luna. “How are my girls?”

“Fine!” Angela said as she kissed one cheek and Luna kissed the other. “Mama took us shopping yesterday.”

“Did she?” Thomas glanced at her. “Mama get herself a new dress?”

She blushed as she looked at her dress. It wasn’t very fancy, just a plain cream dress with pink flowers on it. “Yes, I did.”

“You look very pretty.”

“Thank you.”

He stood up and moved towards her. “Mama got this very pretty green dress!” Luna said. “It’s velvet!”

“Did she?” He arches a brow as he grabs her baskets.

She shakes her head. "Just in case you have an event coming up."

"Next month, May party. I'll confirm that we're attending?"

She nods. "Yes."

"Alright then. Anymore in the car?”

“Just one bag, but it’s light.”

He shakes his head. “What did you bring?”

“Pizza dough.” She said. “It proved on the train ride.”

“Well, it’s heavy.” She laughed as he moved towards the front door. “Well my girls, if you go out the back….you’ll notice that there’s a pink play house for both of you on the other side of the river.” Both girls started squealing. “Also, there’s a bridge there now, so you can use that!”

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” Both girls screamed, nearly knocking him over in their enthusiasm before running outside.

Kate shakes her head before turning to Charlie who’s all dressed up. “Well, don’t you look handsome?” She said. “Where are you going looking like that?”

“Charlie,” Thomas says as he places his hand on his back. “is taking a girl to the pictures tonight.”

Kate blinked and laughed. “Oh my goodness!” she set down the basket and carefully adjusted Charlie’s tie and adjusted his coat. “There you go, you’re perfect!” Charlie flushed. “What time are you going?”

“N-now.”

“Oh,” she stepped forward and hugged him. “then go! Have fun!” Charlie nodded as she began rattling off. “Don’t forget to open doors and walk on the outside.”

He frowned. “The outside?”

“Oh.” She grabbed his arm and tugged him side by side to demonstrate. “You walk on the side nearest the street, that way if a car drives by fast, you get the dirt on your suit, not her dress or if you need to push her out of the way. It’s for her own safety.”

Charlie nodded and hugged her again. “Ok, thank you!” 

He hurried to get into the car but she kept rattling off instructions. “Don’t forget to open doors for her and no kissing on the first date!”

“Kate!” Thomas said. “Ignore her, if she goes for it, it's alright!”

“I’m serious!” She said. “She’ll think you’re fresh! The third date is best. But you could kiss the hand, right on the knuckles!”

“Yeah, go on Charlie! You’ll miss the train!” Charlie hopped into the car, slightly red-faced and Thomas waved at him. "Be back by 8! If you're running late, you call me!"

"Yes, Sir!"

"Goodbye!" Kate exhaled and waved back. “Oh, I feel old now.”

“Tell me about it.” He said. “How you gonna feel when it’s Luna’s turn to go out?”

“Oh, God, no!” Kate moaned. “Don’t mention that!”

“Yeah, I’m not looking forward to that either.”

She glances at him. “I expect you to check out the family of each and every boy that goes out with my daughter.”

He nods. “Sure thing.”

She exhaled and watched the car pull away. As she stood there watching with Thomas, who is surprisingly calm about this whole thing. She glanced at him and realized something. “You’re having one of your men follow him, aren’t you?”

he paused and then nodded sheepishly. “Yeah.” Kate burst out laughing. “There’s one guy at the station, making sure he gets off the train and another at the theater---

“I don’t want to know details.” She said as she patted his chest. “Come on, you can put that nervous energy of yours to use and help me roll out pizza dough.”

“I am not nervous.” He grumbled from behind her.

“You need to work on lying Thomas, you’re getting really bad at it.” He snorted but dutifully followed her to the kitchen. Thomas put both baskets on the table and began helping her pull out the ingredients while she tied her apron on. She washed her hands and then told him. “Wash your hands.”

“My hands are clean.”

“Wash them anyway!” 

He chuckled. “Now, who’s the nervous one?”

She ignored him and grabbed the flour container from the cabinet to his right. Thomas had actually started stocking the kitchen and pantry with the food basics. She kept canned goods over here sometimes, especially the jam and jelly for them. She then emptied the huge bowl of dough onto the floured table. After separating it into four sections, she began to work on one. Thomas sat on the table and began watching her stretch and shape the dough. It was very easy to do, but Thomas was staring at her as if she’s asked him to fashion the moon into the shape of a bow.

She then handed him one sticky ball. “Ok, your turn.”

“No.” He shook his head. “That’s way too complicated.”

She shakes her head. “It’s not that complicated, Thomas, it’s very easy.”

“For you!” He said as he watched her shape the second piece of dough. She was making four pizzas. Charlie normally ate 3/4ths of one himself. He stood up and moved closer so he could watch her better. “Can I touch you, to get a feel for it?”

“I guess.” She nodded without even thinking about it. “Yes.”

Thomas moved to stand behind her, his head over her shoulder and he watched as she shaped the dough. However, the moment that man put his hands over hers…she felt it. There was no other word for it. It was it. It was strong, it was warm, it was beating, it was alive and it was there. Kate felt it for second time in her life and it scared the f**k out of her. It scared her so much that she stopped shaping the dough and she just stared at his hands on hers. His hands had been on hers many times. But this time, it was different. It was very different. Her heart began to pound and she knew it was because Thomas was so close to her.

“Kate?” he said right in her ear, causing her heart to fly up in her throat. “You alright?”

“Yes.” Her voice came out as a nervous squeak. She cleared her throat and tried to sound like she wasn’t affected by him. “Yes.” Her voice broke, so she tried again. “I’m fine.”

She then started rolling the dough. She could do this. She could focus on this, it was just pizza dough! Thomas kept his hand over hers, he kept his fingers slightly flexed and he followed her every move. Kate had never, ever, regretted anything in her life so badly that she did at this moment. Thomas shifted closer and she inhaled sharply as she felt him there against her hip. He wasn’t aroused, but he was there. He was shorter than Luca and just a few inches taller than she was. So, he was nearly at the right height for her. His face was too damn close to hers and she could feel his breath on her neck, tickling that spot by her ear.

She didn’t know how she was able to shape the pizza, but she did. She exhaled with a laugh. “There we go!”

“What about the rolling you were doing,” he asks. “along the edges?”

“Oh.” She inhaled and stupidly said. “I guess I can show you that.” No! Why did she say that!?

“Alright.” This could be fast, she could do it. “You’re good at this.”

“Lots of practice.” She said simply before blowing some hair out of her face.

“I’ve got that.” He said bringing his clean hands towards her face.

“That’s not---

words died as Thomas brought her hair back behind her ear. His fingers touched that spot behind her ear and she let out a sharp breath. What was going on with her!? Why? Why was she reacting to him? Thomas went still, almost as if he realized that there was something going on with her. He didn’t say anything, but she knew that he knew. He had to know! Thomas was the most observant man on the planet!

His left hand curled over hers. She inhaled as he placed his right hand on her elbow. She exhaled and jerked her head to the right…to find his face six inches away from hers. Heat filled her body and she let out an uneasy breath as he slowly, ran his hand down her arm to her hand. When he firmly gripped her hands in his and started stroking her fingers, his name just popped out. “Tommy---

“Kate, I---

The back door burst open and they both jumped, quickly pulling away from each other. They turned towards the door, expecting to see one of the children there. But it wasn’t.

It was Lizzie and from the look on her face, she’d seen everything that had just passed between them.

---

Chapter 139: Cutting Lizzie free

His head was spinning for so many reasons. 

The first, being the most important was because of Kate. After being patient for over a year. It happened. It had finally f**king happened for her. He’d barely touched her and she reacted. It had confused him for a minute. Yes, he’d asked to touch her under the innocent guise of being unclear as to how to shape that pizza. He hadn’t realized that she’d been affected by his touch until he brushed her hair back from her face. Oh, she’d inhaled sharply and her hands started shaking. He felt a shiver run down her spine, so he looked at her… and his heart slowed as he saw what was going through her mind.

Her pupils were dilated, her lips were parted and she was breathing quickly. Oh, all that waiting, being patient, it had paid off. He’d been rewarded with the sweet moment of seeing Kate realize that she had feelings for him! God, what a glorious realization that was! For a brief moment, he thought his mind had been playing tricks on him. He’d been waiting and wanting this moment for so long, he wasn’t sure that it was actually real! Then he touched her arm and she’d turned towards him. Oh, she’d been so close that he could have kissed her…she hadn’t moved a single inch. Her breathing became ragged as he ran his hand down her arm to her hands. She had such small hands and they fit perfectly in his. When she looked at him, he saw that she knew that he knew that she was feeling all those things. He’d heard it in the way she’d said his name. He’d been dead set on kissing her…when his past stormed into the back door. 

Lizzie. She stood there, leaves in her hair, dirt on her clothes, looking like she’d been dragged through the forests! She was angry too, beyond angry. She was shocked as well and he could see that this wasn’t going to be a negotiation with her. It was over. The minute she left this house, she’d be calling Polly up and telling her that he had Kate here. Then, the family arguments would start up and they’d all be going after Kate. 

“So,” Lizzie said angrily. “that’s who the mystery woman is? You’re back with her then, aren’t you?”

“Lizzie,” he bit out. “what the f**k are you doing here? You’re on my f**king property!”

Lizzie slammed the door and stomped in. “I tried,” she said. “I tried f**king ignoring it, but all of us have been going silly trying to guess who the f**k she is! You even gave her your f**king coat to hide her face when it was raining! Then, I thought about you and how you didn’t want me coming over on Charlie’s birthday. You made me wait until the weekend was over. So, I figured that you were probably bringing her over then and I was right! Never thought it’d be her though!”

“It’s my life, Lizzie.” He said. “You’re not part of it. Now, you can get the f**k out of my house---

“Or what?” Lizzie snaps. “You have no f**king leverage!” Kate exhaled and moved towards the kitchen exit. He turned towards her to ask her to stay, but she closed the door, clearly not wanting the children to hear. But she was staying and she moved back to the table. “What the f**k is she doing here with you? Changretta know she’s here??”

“My husband,” Kate said in a far calmer tone than he’d expected to hear from her. “is dead. He passed three years ago.”

Lizzie shot her a look of disgust. “So you’re after him?” Kate frowned. “After all this time? You’re the one who comes crawling back to him.”

“Excuse me!?” Kate said, her temper heating up.

“Right, Lizzie---

Kate held up a hand, clearly telling him to shut up. “You’re mistaken. Thomas and I are friends.” He didn’t know if she really meant that or if she was keeping things vague for Lizzie. They had been friends, up until a minute ago. 

“Friends.” Lizzie snorts. “I saw the way he was looking at you. After all this time, he finally got to f**k you again!”

“Thomas and I have not---

“Do you know why I got pregnant with Ruby?” Lizzie demanded. “Because he was f**king you in his head! Only it was me who got pregnant!” his heart began to pound in his chest. This was not what Kate needed to be hearing right now, especially from Lizzie! “When he was drunk or on too much tokyo, it’d be YOUR name he be saying when he was inside me!” That, he hadn’t known. “He’s had whores before, but never, has one gotten so deep inside him that he couldn’t break free from her!”

“I’m sorry,” Kate stated sarcastically as she crossed her arms. “do you honestly expect me to feel sorry for you, after what you did to me? You slept with Thomas multiple times when we were married! You flaunted it in my face!”

“Well, he cheated on me with lots of women!”

“So? Did any of them ask for your blessing in the way that you did with me?” Kate demanded. “You knew that he was that kind of man when you married him. You knew it before you married him! So, why the hell would you be surprised?” Lizzie opened her mouth, but Kate cut her off. “And I, unlike you, am not a whore! You were a whore when they pulled you from the streets of Birmingham and the problem is you never stopped being one! You have no self-respect for yourself whatsoever! You chased after Thomas for nearly 20 years! He’s moved on without you! And while he hasn’t moved on with me---

“That’s a lie.” Lizzie said.

“He HASN’T moved on with me!” She stated loudly. “And even if he had,” his heart rose at those words. “you have no business being here on his property! You have no right to come barging in disrupting a private family event.”

“Family?” Lizzie mocked. “He has Charlie. There is no family here.”

Kate inhaled and said. “I have children of my own.”

Lizzie stilled. “Children?” Kate nodded. “As in more than one?” Kate nodded again and Lizzie shook her head. “F**k, you know how to get your claws in don’t you?”

“Meaning?”

“You did what I couldn’t do. Give him more kids to fill his f**king house up.”

“No,” Kate said. “I gave those children to my husband. Not to Thomas. They’re my children, not his, just like Charlie is his son, not mine. And I'm too old to be filling his house with anymore children, which we are not doing because we are not sleeping together. I know you've let dozens, possibly hundreds of men into your bed,” he looked at Kate in surprise. "and maybe the claps gone to your brain, but not everything evolves around sex. I never cared for sex, hate being f**ked, so I'm certainly not sleeping with Thomas."

At that moment, the back door opened and Luna ran in. Lizzie sidestepped and looked as Luna ran out to Kate. “May I have a drink, please?”

“Yes.” Kate turned and grabbed a tin cup for Luna and poured some water for her.

He made eye contact with Lizzie and said. “Not in front of the kids, alright?”

She shot him a look. “Didn’t with Ruby and Charlie, did I?”

He didn’t bother to answer that. Luna drank her water down quickly. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.” Kate said, her voice betraying none of the anger from a few minutes ago. “Now, you go outside and play. Are Luciano and Romero outside?”

“Yes. Luciano is practicing his boxing. Romero and Angela are looking at water in the creek.”

“Good.” Kate said. “We have company, so make sure to tell them to knock before  inside, alright?”

“Yes mama.” Before running out, Luna raced up to him and did her little jump/hop into his arms. He exhaled as he picked her up. She planted a very warm and dirty kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for the playhouse! I love it!”

“I’m glad Luna.” She smiled brightly, revealing a mouth full of teeth. “Go outside and play, let me know if anything’s missing, alright?”

“Ok!” He set Luna down and she raced out of the kitchen. The door slammed shut behind her and for a few moments, all was silent.

He cleared his throat and spoke as calmly as he could manage. “Lizzie, I want you to get off my property. Kate and her children spend the weekends here with me and Charlie. I told you once before, that you are not a part of my life anymore.”

“But she is.” Lizzie said brokenly. “You got the wife you been wanting for nearly ten years. Got the house full of kids, even f**king replaced Ruby.”

He exhaled. “Lizzie---

“You are honestly going to go back to her, after what she f**king did? She betrayed the whole family!” He inhaled, trying to find a calm before yelling at Lizzie. “She got pregnant by the man that killed your brother! Are you honestly going to make the mistake of---

“YOU,” he stomped towards Lizzie and shouted right in her face. “ARE THE BIGGEST F**KING MISTAKE I EVER MADE!! NOT HER!” Lizzie froze, her face growing white at his words, but he couldn’t stop. “Kate never did a f**king thing wrong in her life! I did! I was an awful husband to her and I hurt her! But she, unlike you, she wasn’t sticking around with me.”

“I stayed, because I love you!”

“Love?” He shook his head. “You don’t get to love me! There has never been any love between us! It’s all been f**king empty! You just miss the sex.”

Lizzie snorts and rolls her eyes. “It was more than that. You were getting sex from her and you turned to me!”

“And I’ve f**king cursed that day, because I was an idiot and let the best f**king woman that I’ve EVER met in my days walk out of my house!” He inhaled as he continued shouting. “I curse the day that I ever f**king met you, I curse the day I first f**ked you and I curse every single f**king day where I had to see you! You,” he inhaled. “have been nothing but f**king trouble to me! And I, should have never, ever f**ked you when I had her in my f**king life! If I had a f**king time machine, I’d go back and shoot you to stop myself from ever getting involved with you.”

“Thomas,” Kate said by his elbow. “calm down, please.”

He couldn’t. “I’m done Lizzie. I am f**king done. You’re fired, effective from here on out. I’m selling the f**king house,” her eyes widened in shock. “I’m not paying for the house anymore, you’re on your own from here on out. I cut you,” he said. “from my family. I want you off my property! If you come here again, I swear to God, I will have you f**king arrested for trespassing and endangering children. Charlie’s done with you,” he said. “she’s the one he goes to for advice. She stood there, in the door with me while Charlie left on his first date.” Lizzie was too shocked and hurt to even react to his words. 

“Tommy,” Kate said firmly, drawing his attention to her. She inhaled and exhaled, he unconsciously mimicked her. “you need to calm down. Do you understand me?” He nodded. “Lizzie’s had enough. Just let her go, no more needs to be said. You said way too much.”

He inhaled deeply and turned to Lizzie, who was absolutely crushed “Get out of my house Liz, don’t come back.”

Lizzie inhaled and he could see that his words cut her to her soul. She was silent for a long time before saying. “You can honestly…talk that way to me? When I was your wife, the mother of your child?”

“Lizzie, do you know what a wife is by definition? A wife is her husband's best friend, guide, critic, and strongest supporter.” He exhaled. “When the f**k were you ever that, eh? I still paid you in my head, you knew that and you f**king wanted that.”

“You weren’t much of a husband to me.”

“I weren’t.” He nodded. “Wasn’t one to her either, but between the two of you, she got the f**king closest of me being a husband. But she was stronger than you, she wouldn’t let me treat her like a whore cause she knew, she were worth so much f**king more. So when she found someone who treated her good, she went to him. You stayed in the mud with me, you let yourself get dragged into the mud with me. She pulled herself out. I pulled myself out, but you’re still f**king there Lizzie. You can’t stay there anymore, so I’m asking you get out.” He inhaled as he crossed his arms. “I’m giving you a month to get out of England.” Lizzie blanched. “Go to Wales, Scotland, Ireland…but get the f**k out of here. You wanted to see what was in my house, now you know. There’s the door, get the f**k out. You said goodbye to Charlie last time you talked, you won’t see my boy again and I won’t see you. Move on.”

Lizzie looked at him and he jerked his head towards the door. Lizzie inhaled and moved towards the front door. Kate stood by him, not saying a word, her shoulder nearly touching his and her hand so close to him. Lizzie looked at Kate long and hard, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Polly…will not let this stand.”

“I don’t care.” He said as he placed his hands on her shoulders. “Kate is a guest, my friend, she and her kids are welcome. If Polly and the others won’t welcome her, then I won’t welcome them to my house.”

Lizzie shook her head as she said. “You’re a fool.”

“I don’t care.” He said quietly. “I don’t care. I was a fool 10 years ago, I'm not the same man as I was back then. I want her here and she can stay as long as she wants. It’s no one’s f**king business.” He jerked his head towards the door. “Go Lizzie, I won’t tell you again.”

And this time she did. Once Lizzie walked out of his front door, another weight, another burden that he’d been carrying rolled off his back and left him. She was gone, she was his past and the woman that he now had in his arms, was his future.

Chapter 140: Kate's fears

For a moment, neither of them spoke. The air, it was tense, it was too f**king tense to speak, much less move or breath. His hands were sweating and he was gripping Kate’s shoulders firmly in his hands. She stood there; her breathing loud enough for him to hear and her body just about pressed up against his. She hadn’t moved or budged and frankly, he wondered if they could move without anything happening between them. The sound of laughter from outside chased that thought away. They were older now and Kate had dough on the table anyway.

He exhaled and rubbed her shoulders, causing her to loosen up a little. “You ok?”

She nodded. “I’m fine.” She glanced towards him, but wouldn’t look him in the eye. “And you?”

“Yeah.” He exhaled. “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

“It’s ok.” She said softly. “You, I know you had to do that but, you should have discussed it with Charlie before cutting her out---

“Charlie cut her out months ago.” He said. “I didn’t have anything to do with it. Charlie needed her at a certain point in his life. He doesn’t need her now.”

She hesitated before asking. “And you?”

He exhaled deeply as he said honestly. “I don’t need her Kate. I haven’t needed her for years. Even when I was married to her I never needed her.” He said quietly. “When I thought I was dying…I wrote a list of the things I regret. She was at the top.” She had been the second. Kate, she was the first regret, his greatest regret. “I regret marrying her…for everything I put her through, everything she wanted from me, Ruby, how it all ended between us.” He inhaled. “When she married me, she married a curse and she herself was cursed. You broke free of it…she stayed in it and she shared my fate.” He inhaled deeply. “I don’t doubt, that parts of the curse’ll follow me for the rest of my f**king days…but I don’t let it control me no more.”
She nods as she inhales deeply. “That’s…good to know.” She bit her lip and asked. “How old was Lizzie, when she started that life?”

He exhaled and thought back. “Don’t know…probably thirteen.”

Kate shook her head. “Way too young.”

“I know.” He stepped a little closer to Kate. “But she never left the life in her head. Even married to me, she agreed that it was best to be like that.”

Kate was silent then she asked. “Did she ever care for Angelo?” Christ, he hadn’t thought about that. “Even a little bit?”

He exhaled. “I don’t know Kate. But I do know, if you were in her shoes and I killed Luca,” she shivered. “you’d have never welcomed me into your bed with his blood on my hands.”

“No.” She shook her head firmly. “Never.”

“You certainly wouldn’t have married me after that. She did.” He inhaled. “I never did know what made her tick, didn’t want to know. She wanted to know me, but I wouldn’t let her in. We’re both too dead inside.”

Kate exhales. “You’re not that hard a read, Thomas.”

“I only let you see, what I let you see.” He said quietly, causing her to sigh. “But,” he hesitated before admitting. “you do see more than most.” He ran his hands down her shoulders to her elbows, causing her to shiver. “So much more than anyone else.” She let out a faint whimper and he felt her tense under his touch. She was probably scared. He was scared too. It had been three years for her, since Changretta had touched her. She hadn’t given him any encouragement, but she hadn’t discouraged him either. He was at a loss as to what to do with her right now, so he just kept talking. “But that’s because you watch, you see things…you feel things.” The room went silent, because Kate as holding her breath. Her hand was resting on her stomach and he knew that she was nervous as hell. “I know…that you probably won’t ever forgive me for this and I don’t blame you. But, f**king Lizzie in front of you was the cruelest thing, I’ve ever done in this life of mine.” Kate inhaled sharply and covered her mouth with one hand. “All the bad things I’ve done…don’t compare to the pain I must have put you through.” He found himself getting emotional and tears starting in his eyes. He inhaled sharply; he rarely, rarely got wound up like this. “You…were my number 1 regret. Of everything I’ve ever done, of everyone I ever hurt…you were the one I regretted the most because you did nothing.” She was crying silently now, he could feel her shaking under his touch. “You know, that Polly and the others’ll come, they’ll say things, but I want you to know that you did nothing wrong. You protected my family as best as you could even when we didn’t deserve it. You didn’t betray us. You loved Changretta, he loved you…who the f**k was I to stand in your way? You had a good life with him, he gave you four children and he loved you. You deserved that and I am so f**king glad that got that.”

“Thomas---

“And don’t you let anyone make you feel bad for that. You hear me? I don't expect you to forgive me for that. Don't let them punish you for what I did to you.”

She suddenly pulled free and spun around to look at him. He could see that she wanted to say something, she kept trying but she couldn’t get the words out just yet. 

She never got to get them out. The knock on the door caused them to turn around to see Angela there. Kate spun around quickly, wiping at the tears on her cheeks while he waved Angela in. “You looking for water too?”

“Yes Mr. Shelby.” He reached up and got her a cup as well. “Luna said you had company?”

“Yeah, she’s gone now.” He filled her cup and handed it to her. “Here you go.”

“Thank you.” Angela drank it a little more daintily than Luna, who just gulped it down. Angela looked at the table and asked. “What’s that?”

He followed her gaze and said. “Your mom was showing me how to make pizza.”

Angela laughed and asked. “Did you make that one? It’s not even!”

He wouldn’t f**king know. He looked back at Kate to see that she was finally composed again, she barely looked upset. He simply nodded. “Yeah.”

Angela set down her cup and washed her hands. She walked over and began fixing the dough that Kate had made. He didn’t think it was even until he watched Angela fix it. F**k, had Kate really been that f**king nervous when he touched her? Kate cleared her throat and said. “Angela, would you like to help?” he knew what she was doing. Creating distance. “You could help…make the dough.” It didn’t escape his notice that she avoided saying his name. It was as if she didn’t know what to call him now, not after everything that just happened. But that was Kate, she overthought and she overanalyzed every little thing. 

Angela smiled. “Alright!”

Angela prattled on while they worked on the pizza dough. Kate, she was a nervous mess. She actually broke a jar of tomato sauce, which he cleaned up for her. Oh, she was scared, she was so f**king scared. Not of him, but he knew that feeling. He’d felt it when Kate had told him that she loved him the first time. There was nothing scarier than realizing that something had come back into your life long after you thought it never would. So, he gave her the space she needed, the kids kept them separate unintentionally. It was only when he got into his bed that he wondered if he’d made a mistake by allowing her to drift away from him. Kate was skittish and if he’d run from her declaration, that woman was going to run all the way to bloody America!

---

The following morning, 

---

“I’m bored!” Luciano whined, causing Kate to look up from her book. “I hate the rain!”

“Read a book.” Romero said from where he was buried in a scientific journal.

“That’s boring!” Luciano said.

“Then find something to do.” Kate said simply. “Play a game or something like that.”

“Can we play hide and seek?” Luciano asked, which made everyone perk up. “This house is really big!”

That seemed like a bad idea. Yes, the house was big but Thomas was working in the library. Any crash would make him come out and she was trying not to get caught alone with him. Since yesterday, things had changed. The air was fraught with tension and Kate felt as if she was being smothered. She’d tossed and turned all night. She could not, no, she would not have any feelings whatsoever for Thomas Shelby! It was impossible! She, for all intents and purposes was still a married woman! She wore Luca’s ring on her finger and she wasn’t planning on ever taking it off!

She’d already had a great love with Luca. A love like that wasn’t to be found again and it certainly wouldn’t be found with Thomas of all men! His ex wife, the woman that he’d slept with many times while he was married to her had just shown up out of the blue yesterday! God only knew how many other women could turn up at their door! Not to mention, she didn’t know if Thomas was the kind of man who could remain true. Luca had never looked at another woman from the moment he met her! She was the only woman he was attracted to! God, Luca actually learned how to develop film so he could take intimate photos of her! Thomas, he was never satisfied! No woman had ever satisfied him and she herself had failed! Thomas had trained her up to please him and that hadn’t been enough!

Besides his infidelity, they weren’t compatible sexually. Thomas didn’t know how to express love with his body. He knew about pleasure, he knew about f**king and he loved pushing the body to the breaking point. He’d exhausted her when she was younger! He’d allegedly been celibate for nearly five years! If he got her in his bed he’d be like a wild, untamed stallion and she’d too scared to even tell him to stop! She’d be right back where she was ten years ago!

She was letting her imagination run away again. Thomas had changed. He was quiet, a bit calmer, well; his temper was still there as she’d seen yesterday. Then, there was the matter of her children. Yes, Thomas loved her daughters, that much was clear and while he cared for her boys, they were still Luca Changretta’s son’s. Could Thomas honestly accept the sons of his enemy growing up in the house alongside his son? She didn’t know! God! Why did things have to change between them? Why’d she have to make that stupid pizza that she wound up burning anyway because she’d been distracted? Why, oh why, did have to feel so nice to be touched and held by him?

He had changed so much in these ten years and she truly did like the man he was now. If this had been the Thomas that she met all those years ago, she wouldn’t have left him. She wouldn’t have minded living with this version of him. She remembered watching him after giving her children money to buy her a charm bracelet, perfume and more roses marveling at how he'd thought of her children. Yes, they weren't his, but her children did love him, some more than others. They had an emotional connection now, separating from him, putting up a wall would be hard. She was hoping that maybe he’d get the message that she wanted this to go away, but he was Thomas Shelby and he didn’t back down from a challenge. 

“As long as you,” Kate jumped at the sound of Thomas’s voice. He was standing in the doorway, his coat abandoned, shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows and a cigarette in one hand. “stay out of the library, my room and the china cupboard. I don’t have a problem with it.”

“Will you play too?” Luna asked, looking up at Thomas with that adorable face of hers.

God, she couldn’t have that. “Luna, I’m sure that there’s lots of paperwork---

“Yeah, I can play one game.” Oh, God no! Thomas shot her a direct look and she knew that he was coming for her. “Maybe two. Who’s it?”

“Me!” Charlie said, prompting Kate to jump to her feet. 

Thomas nodded. “Right, count to 50 Charlie.”

“It’s supposed to be 100!” She blurted out.

He looked at her and said. “50’ll make it interesting.” He held her gaze as he said. “Start counting Charlie.”

“One---

Everyone scattered. She grabbed her long yellow floral skirt and ran up the stairs with the kids screaming behind her. A quick glance showed that Thomas wasn’t behind her, but she knew better than to trust him. God! How could a game of hide-and-seek suddenly turn into a manhunt?! All the kids ran for separate rooms, the girls ran into hers and the boys went down the hall, probably to the attic and the dumbwaiter. Kate, decided to go into Thomas’s room and hide behind the door. He said his room was off limits, so he wouldn’t look for her. 

Sure enough, she heard him coming up the stairs and he went right past his room. He went into her room! Yes, Thomas was actively looking for her. He knew that she’d gone up the stairs, so, she could double back and go past him. She slipped off her shoes, leaving them behind the door and hurried back down the stairs! There was a coat closed under the stairs where Thomas stored extra raincoats, overcoats and wintercoats. She crept into the closet and exhaled deeply. She moved to the back and exhaled. She did not want to talk to him at all. This would all blow over by next week, nothing had to change between them. She didn’t want it to change!

“Ready or not,” Charlie said. “here I come!!” 

she inhaled and listened as Charlie ran up the stairs. He paused for a moment, then he went down the hall. Someone, probably Luciano tiptoed back down the stairs and was looking for a place to hide. She exhaled as she settled in. Most everyone forgot about this coat closet anyway, everyone preferred to run around without coats. She sat down, leaned against the wall to realize that she was leaning against Thomas’s coat. It smelled of him and those damn cigarettes, yet the smell didn’t bother her as much anymore. She’d grown accustomed to it. No, she’d grown accustomed to him and his habits. She closed her eyes and tried to formulate a plan where she wasn’t constantly running away from him and whatever this was between them. It would go away. Her feelings for him went away once and they would do so again!

No sooner had she thought that did the door to the coat closet open and there stood Thomas Shelby, his blue eyes blazing as he stepped into the coat closet and pulled the door shut behind him. She was effectively trapped in a small and dark, space with him. The coat closet had a star carved into the door, which allowed barely any light in. While there wasn’t much light, there was no amount of darkness that could hide the intensity in Thomas Shelby’s eyes.

---

Chapter 141: Kisses

Up until this moment, Kate thought that her health was perfect, but it wasn’t. There was something wrong with her heart. It was beating too fast, too strong and it was going to explode in her chest. Her lungs, they were paralyzed, she could barely get in a deep enough breath in. Her hands, they were shaking and she couldn’t move. She determined that she’s having a heart attack and a stroke at the exact same time. This closet was too small, it was too small for her and it was getting smaller with each passing second.

And Thomas, he was saying nothing! He was just standing there; looking down at her and the only sounds that came from him was the sounds of him breathing. His breathing was so loud that she couldn’t even notice anything else. He inhaled and held his hand out to her, silently asking her to get up. There was probably a lot that needed to be said and she couldn’t think of a damn thing to say to him! After a minute of internal debate, she decided to accept his hand and she let him pull her to her feet, which he did easily enough. Only to have him tug her towards him so she practically in his arms. They were so close that his hair was brushing her forehead.

She closed her eyes and diverted her gaze. She didn’t know what to say to him. She’d been avoiding saying his name because she realized now that she’d taken to calling him Tommy. Strange, how something as simple as saying his name could now be taken indirectly as encouragement. She hadn’t thought that she’d been giving him any encouragement prior to this, but now, she thought about all the evening parties that he took her to. She hadn’t stopped to notice it because he was Thomas Shelby, she’d genuinely thought that there hadn’t been anything special going on. But now, all those little moments, the way he touched her, the way he’d held her, the little things that he’d taken to saying to her…oh, God he had feelings for her! Kate now felt like an idiot for not realizing it sooner and she owed Luciano a big apology. How the Hell had a kid his age seen this before her!

Kate decided to run for it. She didn’t care if she got caught, if she did, by the rules, Thomas was the one who had to hide. That didn’t sound like a bad idea after all! She whipped around and reached for the knob. Thomas was faster and his hand circled around her wrist, snatching her backwards. Suddenly, his other hand went over her mouth and Kate let out a protest against his hand. His other hand wound around her waist and he yanked her back against him. Kate’s heart exploded and she let out a cry as she tried to get free. God, she knew what was going to happen next! He was going to lock the door and f**k her! And because they were playing hide and seek, he knew that she had to keep quiet!

“Shh, shh, shh.” He said as she whimpered. “listen.” She couldn’t hear a damn thing her heart was pounding so loudly in her ears that she knew her eardrums were going to break and she’d be deaf! 

Then, she heard the running footsteps, clearly downstairs and when they ran past their hiding spot she realized that despite everything going on between them, he was still playing the game. Her heart rate slowed down and she relaxed as Thomas removed his hand from her mouth. He ran that hand down her shoulder, lightly grazing her breast with his fingers before resting his hand on the crook of her elbow. She bit her lip, not wanting to make a sound in regards to him and that touch of his. God, she’d missed being touched as a woman. It had been three years since she’d been touched as anything other than a mother and right now, in this moment, she was rapidly realizing that she was still a woman.

Suddenly, the coat closet door opened and her heart jumped as she silently begged for it to be Charlie!

“No,” that was Angela hissing. “not there! There’s nowhere to run if he finds you! Over here!” 

“Ok!” Luna shut the door and Kate let out a faint whine of despair as she realized that her two daughters, her own flesh and blood, hadn’t even been able to rescue her from Thomas.

There was a clattering, another door closing and Kate realized that both girls had gone outside! They were probably outside on the porch and God, why hadn’t she thought of THAT spot because if Thomas had come after her, there’d have been plenty of places to run to! 

Thomas let out a faint laugh as he said quietly in her ear. “That was close, eh?” she simply nodded, she didn’t know what to say or do. It was too small in here and he, he was Thomas Shelby. Every single thing about him was intimidating and overpowering. She closed her eyes, desperately trying to calm down as she tried to concoct a plan to get out of this closet without anything changing between them. Again, she straightened up and reached for the door handle, but that hand on her waist stayed there. “All those years,” he said right in her ear, his breath hot against her neck. “and you’re still scared of me, eh?”

She inhaled sharply. God, he had no idea just how badly he scared her! This whole thing…with each passing second, with each touch, with each breath, it was rapidly becoming too clear that she wasn’t going to get out of this closet because he wouldn’t let her out of this closet. He pulled back her against him and she inhaled sharply. He wasn’t aroused yet, but she knew he was going to become aroused. Her suspicions were confirmed when he turned her towards him, but he moved her so her back rested against the wall. 

“Kate, talk to me.” She couldn’t! She couldn’t find the f**king words! This wasn’t supposed to be happening and it wasn’t supposed to be happening with him! But it was and she didn’t know why it was! “What’s going on in that head of yours?” he moved his hand from her arm to her face. She nearly melted as he gently caressed her face with his hand. He ran his thumb lightly over her trembling lips. “Why are you running away from me?”

God! Why was he doing this? Why was he playing games like this? She closed her eyes tight and whispered. “You… know why.”

“Yeah, I do,” his grip on her waist tightened. “but I want to hear you say it.” His nose brushed hers and her heart rate sped up. “I want to hear you say f**king something Kate.” She couldn’t. “We’re too old to be playing hide and seek.” She knew what he meant. He wasn’t referring to the game itself, he was referring to what was going on between them. “Too old for games, eh?” she nodded. “Kate, talk to me.”

“I-I can’t!” she could talk to him about anything in the world, but this, she couldn’t.

He exhaled deeply and she could feel him studying her. “Alright, then don’t talk. I think I know…what it is you can’t say to me.” God, was there a more perplexing man ever created! “But I know you…I know how to make you talk. If not that, then maybe you'll hit me so I'll know. But I need to know what you want.”

THAT made her eyes fly open as he bent his face towards her neck. Before she could react…he kissed THAT spot on her neck! How had he known it was there!? She then remembered that he touched her there yesterday and she’d reacted. He kissed her there again before nipping on her earlobe! She let out a sharp gasp as her body jumped as if he’d touched her with a live wire. Kate, she didn’t know what happened to her, but she fell apart in that moment. It was like he found a switch and it turned something off in her brain but on in her body.

she grabbed ahold of his forearms and Thomas instantly reacted. She inhaled as Thomas grabbed her around the waist and pulled him against her! It had been three, long years, since she’d been touched like this. No, his touch was very different from Luca’s. His was…she didn’t know how to describe it. Impatient, desperate almost, he wasn’t moving slowly or respectfully, but this was Thomas Shelby. He was a blinder, he took what he wanted and right now he wanted her! 

Why the hell did he want her?! When did he start wanting her?! She couldn’t believe it! Couldn’t believe him!! what was going on!? Why was he doing this and why was she not able to find the words at this moment?! he wouldn’t stop! She didn’t know if she wanted him to stop!! WHAT!? Why did she not want him to stop?! His lips traveled from her neck to her throat to her cheeks. She knew he was going towards her mouth. That was when Kate began to protest. It had to stop now, it had to. The moment he kissed her, she was his and he was not going to let her go!

“Tommy.” She gasped out. “T-Tommy---

Thomas’s lips closed over hers and she let out a moan against his mouth! He let out one of his own as he wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him. Oh, dear God, it was still there. It had been ten years, but that heat, that warmth, that passion, it was still there, but it was different. It was whole, it was complete and it wasn’t empty. It was…mutual on both sides. This was the moment that Kate finally admitted to herself that she was attracted to Thomas Shelby. No, it was more than just mere attraction but she couldn’t say it yet. It was just one kiss! She couldn’t claim it was what it felt like, no matter how improbable. 

He moved slowly, testing each kiss, drinking her in. Kate inhaled, moaning as he been kissing her more and more. The closet began spinning and she ran her hands up his forearms to his shoulders. One hand stayed there, while the other hesitantly moved up his neck, to those cheekbones of his that had always fascinated her. Thomas let out a long groan as he deepened the kiss. She cried out against his mouth as he backed her into the wall, her elbow hit the door with a thud. God! Why did he never slow down!? Why was everything so fast and why did she respond to him every single time? But she wasn’t scared of him this time, not when her heart was spinning rapidly out of control!

She was gasping as Thomas pressed his body against hers. She could feel every inch of him as he grabbed ahold of her and lifted her up onto her tiptoes. His hand slipped down to her hips and he pulled her against him, lining her up so her entrance was against the growing bulge in his trousers. Kate gasped against his lips, crying out as once again, Thomas made her his. With a grunt, he lifted her up from the ground, guiding her legs around his waist as he continued to kiss her. Kate was dying and drowning, but she didn’t care. 

Before she could drown completely, Luca popped into her head and she put a hand on his chest and pushed at him, breaking the kiss as she scrambled off him. She couldn’t look at him, she didn’t look at him. She needed to get out of here. 

She grabbed the knob and wrenched the door open. Game or not, she needed to breathe! She needed to think! She couldn’t do that when he was so close to her! She got out of the closet and drew in a deep breath, gasping for air. What had she done!? She’d been kissing Thomas Shelby and she’d let him kiss her!! No, she wanted him to kiss her!!

He got out of the closet, his breathing as heavy and loud as hers. She placed her hand on her throat, struggling to draw a breath in. He placed his hand on her back, causing her to jump. “Kate? It’s alright.” He sound anything but alright himself. “It’s ok, just breathe through it.” Just breathe through it!? She’d be luck if she could ever draw another breath in her life again! She was actually hyperventilating because she couldn't draw a breath in. “F**k, I’m sorry, I wasn’t planning on going that far with you---

“What the f**k is this?” Kate let out a scream and spun around to see Polly Gray standing there. Polly’s eyes flashed with shock and Kate knew that the room was going to explode. The shock, soon waned to anger when she realized why she and Thomas had come out of a closet. Both of them were out of breath and shaking violently.. Polly shook her head. “No.”

“Poll---

“F**king no!” She snapped. “I didn’t believe it when Lizzie told me! I said that no f**king way would you bring the whore who made her bed with the man who killed your brother into your house.”

Chapter 142: His choice

“Shut the f**k up, Poll!” The words just burst out of him and he couldn’t stop them from coming out, nor did he want them to stop.

Polly stared at him, her eyes flashed in fury. “What did you just say to me?”

“I said,” he barked at her. “to shut the f**k up!” Polly was shocked. She stared at him for a good few seconds, so he turned towards Kate, who was still struggling to breathe. “You’re alright sweetheart.” He rested his forehead against hers. “Breathe with me.”

“I can’t…breathe.” She rasped.

“Yes, you can.” He said gently. “Breathe in, breathe out. Just like yesterday.” She inhaled and then exhaled deeply. “That’s it, that’s my girl.”

F**king hell, that had been one hell of a kiss! He was going to die. His heart was going to give out right now and he was going to wake up in Hell any second. He didn’t care. He’d had heaven in his arms and he’d tasted it with her. Oh, f**king hell, this…was unlike anything that he’d ever felt before in his life. This, was what she’d been offering him ten years ago. Love! Not just any kind of love, she was offering him the strongest, deepest, purest kind of love that had ever been created. She’d offered it to him nearly 10 years ago and he’d brutally rejected it, rejected her and had gone off in search of something that wasn’t satisfying. He hadn’t wanted this back then. He hadn’t been ready for this kind of love. He was now and not only that, he was ready to return it and he was going to give this woman every ounce of love that he had inside of him.

After a few moments, her breathing became regular. She exhaled and whispered. “Thank you.”

He nodded and said softly. “You were there for me, I’m here for you. Understand?” she nodded. Unable to stop himself he leaned forward and placed a light kiss on the corner of her mouth. She flushed, but didn’t push him away. She was shaking just a little bit and he found it utterly charming. He exhaled and turned towards Polly who was standing there, a fury in her eyes. He also spotted Michael standing there behind him. He exhaled and said. “Michael, get out of my house.”

“Tommy---

“That’s the only warning, Poll.” He said. “Otherwise, I’ll see to it that he’s put away for the next ten years.”

“And you think,” Polly says, “that I won’t bring this whole organization down around your head if you do that?”

“You can try,” he stated. “but as of today…all businesses are 100% legitimate.” He gently massaged Kate’s shoulder as he declared. “I’m out of the life Poll.”

Polly stared at him and she shook her head. “I don’t believe you.”

“Ask Linda, she’ll confirm it.”

“Linda!?” Polly said. “So, that’s what all those meetings have been about?”

“Linda’s good with numbers, so yeah, I was working with her and Ada.”

“Ada’s in on this too?”

“Yeah, she helped me close the accounts in America.”

“And you did all this for her?” Polly demands. “You did this for the---

“If you,” he bit out. “ever calls her a whore again, I will never allow you to be in my house. Is that clear?” Polly just stared at him. He exhaled and said. “Now, Michael, go wait in the f**king car. Polly, go to the library. There’s kids here.”

One cue, there was a loud scream of terror, then laughter and Romero raced around the corner with Charlie on his heels! Michael turned, which caused Romero to freeze, which allowed Charlie to catch him! Polly turned and her face went stiff as she saw Romero. He knew that’s because Romero looked like Luca, but Luciano was the spitting image of Changretta.
“Romero’s it!!” Charlie shouted. He then paused as he realized that Polly and Michael were inside. Charlie walked up to Polly and nodded. “Aunt Polly,” he pressed a kiss to her cheek. “nice to see you.”

“Who’s this?” Polly asked, looking at Romero.

Kate inhaled and said. “He’s my son, Romero. Romero, this is Polly Gray, Tommy’s aunt.” F**king hell, she’d finally decided to just stick with Tommy! No Thomas, no Mr. Shelby, it was finally Tommy! Yes, she called him Tommy occasionally during moments together, but this wasn't a moment.

On cue, the backdoor opened and the girls came inside. Luna sneezed and Angela let out a cough. Both girls paused as Polly turned and stared at them. He exhaled and said. “Kate’s daughters, Angela and Luna.”

“Can we count to 100 this time?” Luciano asked as he came down the stairs. “I need more time to think about where I’m hiding!”

“You didn’t get caught!” Romero said.

“I’m faster than you.” Luciano said as he rounded the corner. He frowned. “What’s this?”

“This is my aunt.” Thomas said simply. “Her driver,” Michael inhaled in anger. “is leaving.”

“Michael,” Polly said. “go wait outside. I’ll settle this with Thomas.” Michael nodded and walked out, shooting him a cold, warning look. Michael was so broke that he was dependent on his wife and Polly to survive. He didn’t care. Michael deserved to get cut off at the knees after what he did. He’d nearly destroyed his business, tried to take his place in the family business and nearly succeeded. Now, he was nothing more than Polly’s expensive driver.

He nods. “I’ll be in the library in a moment.” Polly sniffed and turned to head towards the library. He turned to Kate and asked. “Do you want to be in there?”

Kate hesitated and said. “I don’t know.” She looked up and asked. “Do you want me to be in there?”

“No,” he said honestly. “I don’t know what she’ll say and I don’t want you to hear that.”

“That’s not what I asked,” she said softly. “I asked, do you want me to be there?”

he did. He inhaled and nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

“Alright.” She stood up and looked at the clock. “Charlie, can you get the soup in a pot, slice some bread and start lunch, please?”

“Yes.”

“But, after some tea and cookies.” She says. “Everyone can have three with their tea.” Normally it was two, but she wanted them to be occupied. “Ok?”

“Alright.” He nodded and shot him a questioning look. “Everything alright?”

Polly doesn’t want Kate here. He said in Romani. She’s come to tell me to cut her, but I won’t.

Charlie nodded. Good.

Kate cleared her throat and he took her hand. I love her. Kate flushed. From the way that she was looking at him, he knew that she understood what he’d said. She didn’t need to know the language. She knew he loved her. She finally knew that he loved her. He inhaled. “Come on.” She nodded as they left the kitchen. She paused only to close the door behind her. As they walked towards the library, he added. “We’ll talk about what happened later, alright?”

She nods and says hoarsely. “Yes.” God, he loved it when she was like this. Shy and nervous, it was the sweetest thing about her. “I’m sorry.” She said, causing him to turn towards her. “I don’t mean to cause trouble between you and Polly.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he said as he caressed her face gently. “it was going to happen. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. If I hadn’t f**ked up in the first place, we wouldn’t even be here, would we?”

she shook her head. “I suppose, but…I’m still sorry for this.”

“I’m not.” He tightened his grip on her hand as he brought her hand up between them and held her hand tightly. “Because you’re here. If you weren’t here…there’d be no reason apart from Charlie to go on. I need you.” He confessed. “I need you Kate.”

“Please,” she begged. “don’t say such things until we’ve talked.”

He nods. “As you wish.” She nodded and he opened the door to the library to let her in. His fingers were starting to tingle and his head had a slight ache. God, he hoped he wasn’t going to have another seizure. He hadn’t had one in nearly two years! Polly spun around and glowered darkly at Kate. “Now, the kids are in the kitchen, so let’s try to keep it down.” 

“What’s she doing in here?” Polly demanded. “This conversation is between you and me.”

“It’s my house,” he said. “you want to talk about her and I say she has a right to be here.”

“I say she does not.” Polly said. “Not after what she did.”

“I don’t care what she did.” He said as he guided Kate around to sit on the couch. “That’s between Kate and me. Besides, our whole family treated her pretty f**king badly.”

Polly scoffed. “That’s ridiculous! We gave her everything!”

“We gave her nothing.” He said firmly. “I didn’t take the time to learn anything about her, I had no clue what she needed.” He placed his hand on her shoulder, causing her to inhale. “I gave her no support, I neglected her. We all did.”

“That is---

“Oh, it’s true.” He shook his head. “When Kate saved Charlie, we all pushed her out of the way. We never thanked her. We left her out of the family long before Changretta even entered the picture. I treated her the worst out of anyone and when she turned to any of you, you threw her back to me!”

“You were her husband!” Polly said. “She had an obligation---

“I wasn’t fulfilling my obligations to her! You knew that!”

“You were supposed to work those things together!” Polly declared. "And we tried! But she wouldn't talk! She'd just sit there in silence for months, remember!?"

God, Polly could be so stubborn. “But I didn’t want to work on things with her and I couldn’t!” He said. “I wasn’t in a position to give Kate everything that she needed!”

“You gave her anything that she wanted!” Polly said. “You spent a fortune in clothes, jewelry, any little thing that her heart desired!”

“She never asked me for those. I gave them to her because I wanted to keep her away from me!” He stated. “Kate didn’t want money or anything like that! She hates it! She hates expensive things! Her needs are more emotional. God knows I f**king starved her and none of you gave her anything except for Linda!”

“So, because you didn’t love her, she gets a pass for going to the man who killed John?” Polly says. “The man who nearly killed Michael and Arthur?”

“And I nearly killed Changretta, twice.” He said simply. “It’s in the past Poll, let it go.”

“Let it go?” Polly mocks. “You don’t fool me. The pair of you just stumbled out of the closet after having f**king ---

“I haven’t f**ked her!” He stated firmly.

“Oh, please!” Polly sniffed. “You f**ked her so hard that she couldn’t even breathe!”

“Alright, there was a moment, Poll.” he glanced at Kate who had her hands folded in her lap. She looked composed, but her ears were red. “But I didn’t f**k her, Kate’s not like that and you know it. We’re not going that far without talking first, which we’re planning on doing as soon as you’re gone.”

Polly studied him and she shook her head. “Lizzie said that you two were all over each yesterday and I refused to believe it. Not after what she did to you…I’d have thought you’d have killed her on sight.”

“What she did to me,” he said simply. “I did to myself.”

“Christ.” Polly walked over to the couch and Kate stood up, not sitting looking up at Polly. Polly looked at her with disgust. She exhaled. “I told you what I told Grace right before she nearly got him killed. Do you remember?” 

Kate nodded. “Yes, I do.”

“I recall giving you a similar speech when I met with Changretta. You had your tits all hanging out.” He inhaled, but Kate held a hand out, telling him to let Polly speak her mind. “I thought Grace was just a snitch, you were worse. You were a traitor, not to him, but to the entire family. Yet there you stand…dressed up like some queen even though we know you’re just as impure as Lizzie.” He opened his mouth, but again, Kate signaled to be silent. He was going to explode. “And I don’t mean for what Sabini and those men did to you. You tainted yourself when you got into bed with the enemy, spread your legs for him, got pregnant by him so you could hang it over Tommy’s head and force him to spare Changretta. You broke Arthur by appealing to Linda. You made him weak. The fact that your ‘husband’ had killed their brother, it meant nothing to them. The war did some damage, but you broke them to the point where they couldn’t even avenge their own brother! And there you are….staring back at me, dressed like a queen with an innocent expression on your face as if you never did a thing wrong.”

“I did nothing wrong.” Kate said firmly, not a hint of remorse in her voice and he was glad for that. “I was a decorative member of the family. When Thomas was in the hospital, none of you notified me. When I was injured, I didn’t want a doctor, yet you forced them on me.” Polly opened her up mouth and Kate snapped her fingers, telling Polly to be quiet. “You spoke, it’s my turn.” Oh, he was going to marry the hell out of this woman. “From the moment I walked into that house, I was expected to shut up and be grateful that I wasn’t married to a man like George Sabini. I was told to be Charlie’s mother, but as long as I played the role of the nanny. There was always, always a wall between me and the family. Every time I tried to break it down, another wall got put up. So I stopped trying and just let whatever happen, happen.” She inhaled. “Then I met a man who loved me the moment he saw me without even knowing my name. He didn’t know my past, but when I was hurt, he had the common sense to get a female doctor. You forced man after man on me, it was one violation after another. He as a man, took better care of me than you, a fellow woman did." Polly looked like she was going to explode at those words, but even he knew that they were true. "After years of being shown the worst kinds of men there are, I met someone special. He treated me with respect and he showed me that the world was actually a beautiful place. I fell in love with him for his warmth, his gentleness, his love, his openness, his heart and his protective nature. Through his love, I became free and I healed. I was safe and I was loved and happy for the first time in years. He gave up his world for me, I left my home for him and we created our own world together. I will not be made to feel guilty for falling in love with Luca Changretta. Nor will i be called a traitor for standing with him while he avenged his family as you avenged yours. Had Tommy truly loved me, I'd have stood beside him. But he didn't, so I chose the man who was my future.”

“Yet here you are,” Polly said. “back here with Tommy, eh? Almost like you should have just stayed with him in the first place. Like you can make up for lost time. But like I told you…you will never be back in this family. And you,” Polly looked at him. “I don’t care which way your cock points at, but you are not giving her the Shelby name!”

“It’s my name, Poll.” He said firmly. “And if she chooses to take it when I offer it to her,” Kate spun around and looked at him in surprise. “that’ll be our business, not yours.” 

“God, you wouldn’t be stupid enough to go after this woman after what she did to you!!”

“Polly!” He said sharply. “Do you have ANY idea what I did to her? Eh? Do you know that I hurt her?” Polly didn’t even blink.

“She’d be crying and saying that she didn’t want me to touch her, I did it anyway! She’d be crying and I’d keep going!” 

Polly shakes her head. “There were circumstances---

“I’d promise not to force her, but I did! If she wouldn’t let me near her, I’d talk her into it because I wanted her. I didn’t care that she didn’t want me.” His voice rose. “I knew her past, I saw what had happened to her but I didn’t care! Do you have ANY idea what she must have felt? Do you?” He inhaled and said. “Campbell forced himself on you once,” Polly’s eyes flashed. “you got through it with family. She never got through that until Luca Changretta came into her life. He was a better man than I and he was the man that she needed at that time.”

“And you think, that you’re the man she needs now?” 

“I don’t know if I am, but I am going to damn well f**king try.”

Polly shakes her head. “I thought at first, it was her going after you. But I see the truth now, it’s been you going after her. I will only say this once Tommy. You will not move her into your house.” He exhaled, he’d been expecting this. “Her and her kids can go straight back to Italy for all I care!”

He knew this was coming. “Polly----

“Her husband killed John. He nearly killed Michael and she sided with him over us. You will not add the wife of John’s murderer to our family name. Do you understand me?”

he inhaled and nodded. “Yeah, I understand you.” Polly smiled, a smile as if she knew she was winning. But she was wrong. “But I don’t care because she never betrayed our family. I betrayed her first, we all did. So she did what we would have done. She left! That’s all she did and you will not accuse her of being a traitor again until YOU’VE apologized to her.”

“Me apologize!?” Polly stared at him. “What the hell is wrong with----

“I love her!!” Polly went white as a ghost as Thomas shouted in her face. “I love her with every beat that my heart makes!! I do not care if the King himself came down here and forbade it, I would still love her!!” he inhaled as he declared. “If she’ll have me, I will marry her again! She will be my wife and I will help her raise her kids the very best way that I can! There is no deals, no bargaining, or arguing about this.” He declared. “You have two choices Polly, you can either move on…or you get out of my house. I’ve chosen her.”

Kate said nothing, no doubt she was stunned by his declaration. His head was killing him, he’d yelled out so angrily that he could hear his heart throbbing in his head. “Fine.” Polly said coldly. “Only you could pick a woman who cheated on you. Literally got in bed with the man who murdered our John and had four bastard children with him.” He inhaled deeply as Polly said. “You’re dead to me.”

He knew Polly didn’t mean it. She was upset. She’d calm down, but he didn’t care right now. He inhaled and leaned slightly over the couch, praying that his body didn’t tense up. “There’s the door Poll. Go.”

And she did. Polly stormed out of the room and slammed the door.

He exhaled and rubbed his aching head. He didn’t need this. Not now. He did not need to have a f**king seizure right now. The confusion, the stiffness overtook his body and he knew that he was about to scare the hell out of Kate. The worst part was that he couldn’t even warn her that it was nothing to be concerned about.

Chapter 143: Seizure

I love her!! I love her with every beat that my heart makes! I do not care if the king himself came down her and forbade it, I would still love her! If she’ll have me, I will marry her again! She will be my wife and I will help her raise her kids the very best way that I can! There are no deals, no bargaining or arguing about this. I’ve chosen her.

Why?! Why the hell did Thomas Michael Shelby have to say things like that?? No, WHEN did he start saying things like that!? He never was one for words, but my God, did he find the words. She remembered just staring at him in complete shock as those words left his mouth! He’d been angry, but he hadn’t spoken with anger. His voice, his eyes, his entire body, his very being was filled with passion! They’d agreed to talk about this, but dear God in Heaven, that man just went and made talking obsolete with that moving declaration!

They’d just kissed once! Actually, it was supposed to be one kiss, but it evolved into many, too many to count. The way he’d touched her, the way he held and kissed her, it was full of so much love. He’d never, ever, kissed and held her like that before in her life. It was too much for her! It was nearly too much for her! He’d overwhelmed her to the point that she could barely breathe! She, her mind was reeling from the entire thing and the argument with Polly. Thomas, he was so in tune, no, he was determined and he’d decided that he wanted to marry her!

Marry!? She wasn’t getting married again…was she!? Her husband had just died! Actually, no, he’d died 3 years ago. And he had explicitly told her that he wanted her to move on. He wanted her to be happy, he didn’t want her to be alone and he wanted there to be a man for her and for his children. Well, there was a man in her life again. She didn’t know how the hell Thomas had gotten so deeply inside her life, but she was sure if she thought about it she’d realize that he’d plotted this from the very beginning. Ok, maybe not from the beginning, but either way, it had happened! He was so much a part of her life that cutting him out was impossible, especially because of the children.

He loved her. He said he loved her and this time, for the first time, she believed that his love was genuine. She felt it and that’s why she’d responded to him. It hadn’t been lust like it had been in the past. It was love, Thomas Shelby had finally learned what love was and he wanted to share that love with her. Not only her, he wanted to share it with her children. He gave her no time to think and she needed time to think. She needed time to think about him and the feelings that he’d recently stirred inside her.

She cared about him. She cared very, very much about him. She wasn’t sure that she was in love with him…yet. She was reluctant to admit, but there was a very distinct possibility that she was falling in love with him. That would explain why she’d welcomed his company, enjoyed spending time and she’d allowed his touch. She’d been a little flirtatious with him, but, even when they were married, she’d been like that. Well, not really flirtatious, more like teasing. However, he’d never, ever responded or flirted back! Oh dear God, how the HELL had she been so blind and so far in denial that she couldn’t see this happening!?

She inhaled and hesitated before saying quietly. “Lunch is probably ready. We’ll talk…when the kids have gone to bed. Ok?” no answer. She looked up at him…and instantly froze. Something was wrong. He was shaking slightly and his body was stiff. “Tommy?”

The minute she said his name, his eyes rolled up into the back of his head and he just went down!

Kate stared at him for a good second before jumping on the couch and vaulting over the back of the couch! Tommy was on the ground, right in the throws of a seizure! “Tommy!” She called as she leaned over him, her heart racing in her chest. “Tommy!”

He didn’t respond and a fear that she hadn’t felt since she’d woken up to her dead husband hold her hand, filled her chest.

“Oh, God.” Kate turned and screamed at full volume. “SOMEONE HELP ME!!! CHARLIE!!” She heard footsteps running and the door flew open as Charlie came running in. “Charlie! Call the doctor!” 

Charlie stared at Thomas and said. “I-I don’t know the name---

“It’s ok.” She struggles to keep calm as she tells Charlie. “Tell the operator that Thomas is having a seizure! He employs the operator, she’ll knows” Charlie ran to the desk as she leaned over him. She inhaled and leaned over Thomas. “Tommy, Tommy can you hear me?” 

Oh God, that had just come out of nowhere! Somehow, she remembered something about a recovery position. When she’d been pregnant, she’d read a ton of emergency medical books just incase something serious had happened to their children. Tears were pouring down her cheeks as she rolled Thomas onto his side, being careful not to force his body into any position. 

“The operator is calling the doctor now.”

“Ok!”

“Mama,” Luciano ran in. “what’s---

he froze. He went completely white and still. God, she knew what was running through his head right now, but she couldn’t comfort him, not now with Thomas seizing. All the other children ran into the room and they froze. She inhaled raggedly as she tried to stay in control of her feelings but her whole world was falling apart again! She didn’t know what to say to them. She stuttered and looked back down at Thomas who was still floundering underneath her. 

“You’re gonna be ok, Tommy.” She inhaled, desperately trying to calm down but failing desperately. She couldn’t stop crying. “I’m here.” She fought to keep from blubbering as she said. “I’m here.”

“Kate,” Charlie asks. “the doctor wants to know if he was stressed or anything?”

“He-he was yelling at Polly.” She hiccuped. “Is he coming?”

“Are you coming?” Charlie frowned. “What?” she looked at him. “But he’s,” he frowned and looked at her. “the doctor says it’s normal and he---

that wasn’t right. “Bring me the phone Charlie.” She said as firmly as she could. “Bring me the phone.” She inhaled as Charlie hurried around the table, holding his phone up to her ear. “You listen to me, you son of a bitch!” She shouted. “I don’t care if you’re all the way in China, you get your f**king ass in a car and you get over here now!! I swear, if something happens to this man,” Kate started sobbing. “I'll kill you! I swear to God I’ll kill you!”

alright, let me grab my bag. I’ll be there in fifteen---

“Make it ten.” 

Stay with him. When he stops seizing, don’t let him or drink until I get there. Is he breathing?

“Yes.”

Alright, he’ll be fine. The doctor said vainly. It happens occasionally, it's nothing----

“Shut up and get over here, now!” She nods for Charlie to hang up the phone and laid down beside Thomas. “Tommy? Tommy can you hear me?” No response. She leaned forward and whispered in his ear. “Don’t die, please….don’t do this to me.”
Thomas didn’t stop. Kate was so scared that she could barely breathe. She wanted to touch him so badly, so much but she knew that she couldn’t do that. She stayed down on the floor, talking gently to him and telling him that she was there for him and she wasn’t leaving him. Charlie sat down beside her,  a shaking hand on her knee while they waited for him to just stop. Oh God, she hated this, she hated feeling powerless. After five long minutes…his entire body slowly stopped seizing and he just went lax.

Charlie started to panic. “Is he----

She inhaled as she said. “He-he’s stopped seizing.” She checked his pulse and his breathing. While his pulse was fast, it was even, but his breathing was a little thready. “He’s breathing Charlie. He’s coming out of it.” Suddenly, Thomas inhaled and then exhaled deeply. Kate laid down on the ground beside him so he cold see her. Oh, God. He was sweating so much right now. She ran her hand through his hair as she inhaled deeply, trying to find her calm. “Tommy. Tommy can you hear me?” he groaned and opened his eyes. “Can you hear me?”

He opened his mouth a few times, but nothing came out of his mouth. “Dad?” Charlie asked. “Are you alright?”

He inhaled, exhaled and then rasped out. “Yeah.”

Kate exhaled in relief and she whispered. “The doctor’s coming. He’s nearly here.”

He groaned and turned onto his back. “I’m fine.”

“No,” she shook her head as she grabbed ahold of his hand. God, his skin was so clammy. “don’t move. The doctor is coming.

He’ll be here in five minutes.”

“Kate,” he exhaled. “I don’t need---

“No.” Kate said firmly. “You’re not giving anymore orders. You’re going to stay right here until he arrives.”

“Kate,” he inhales deeply as he says. “it happens…it’s alright. Doc says, it’s nothing.”

Oh, she was going to rip that doctor apart when she saw him. “Then you need to get a new doctor. Seizures like that…they’re not good for you. You were out for five minutes!”

“Kate,” he reached for her and caressed her face with his hand. “there is no cure.”

The blood drained out of her face at those words. “Oh, God!” 

“No, no, no.” He said gently. “It’s not like that. It’s because of stress.” She inhaled raggedly. “I’m alright.”

“I don’t believe you.” She croaked. “I won’t believe you…till I talk to the doctor myself.”

He nods. “That’s alright.”

“Is he alright?” Luciano asked, his face was so very white.

Thomas turned and he exhaled. “Hey.” She didn’t know what strength he had to muster up to wave at the kids, but he did. “I’m alright.” Kate inhaled as tears dripped down her cheeks. “I’ll be up in a minute.”

Kate shakes her head. “No. You’re not moving till the doctor gets here.”

Thomas exhaled and said. “Kate, I just want to---

“I don’t care.” She inhaled raggedly. “Tommy, I am scared to death right now and I don’t want you to move. Please,” she begged. “just lay there until he arrives.”

Thomas looked at her, he really looked at her. He studied her and then he said. “Charlie, I need a pillow for my head.” Charlie hurried to get it while he wound his hand into her hair. God, she’d worn it up because she thought she didn’t look pretty with it up. His fingers ran through her hair, popping the pins free. After Charlie placed the pillow under his head, he pulled her towards him. “Come here.”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.” He guided her head down to rest on his chest. “Shh, close your eyes Kate.” She couldn’t. “Close them. Listen to my heart. It’s still beating.” She did as he requested and he exhaled. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You can’t promise anything like that.” She whispered. “I’d know.”

Thomas was silent for a long moment then he said. “Luciano, Romero, Angela, Luna? All of you come in here and hold onto your mama.” Kate inhaled sharply, her fingers flexed, holding onto him. “I can’t hold on too tight to her right now, so I need you all to hold her for me.”

“Oh God,” Kate inhaled sharply as tears trickled down her cheeks. “you just had …a seizure and…you, oh God,” all her kids hovered around her and held onto her where they could. “stop worrying about me for five minutes.”

“I will always, worry about you Kate.” He said as he ran his hand through her hair. “And you know why I will. I told Polly so.”

He loved her. She had no doubt of that. Her feelings, God, she needed time to think on her feelings for him. She wanted to say that she loved him, but….God! this seizure, it forced her to think about and evaluate things that she didn’t even want to think about. She’d already woken up in bed with one man dead beside her. She couldn’t bear to wake up one day and find that the second man that she loved was dead beside her. She couldn’t, she couldn’t bear anymore pain like this. She always listened to Tommy when he said that he was cursed. She knew and understood this because she was cursed too Every man that she ever loved died or was taken away from her. 

Chapter 144: State of his health

“It’s called a pseudoseizure.” Doctor Crane explained. “Not very much is known about it and there is no cure for it. In Mr. Shelby’s case, it gets triggered by stress.” Kate tightened her grip on his hand, causing him to glance at her. Kate’s face was pale, she was so very pale. “Most likely brought on by his time in the war and his lifestyle habits. His drug use at the time would have helped his body keep on going. Now that he’s clean and not drinking as much, his body much more vulnerable to that stress. He is not in any immediate danger. When it happens, it’s easy to deal with. I can understand since all of you had no warning, that it must have been frightening for all of you.” The doctor shot Kate a strict look. “But in the future…threats of death will not be tolerated!”

Thomas glanced at Kate. She said nothing, but he knew that she’d said something. Charlie cleared his throat. “What can we do when it happens?”

“Nothing much.” Crane said. “When he falls, make sure that there is nothing that he can hurt himself on. Lay him on his side, make sure he has a pillow under his head and talk to him. Mr. Shelby’s seizures can last up to five minutes. Afterwards, ask him basic questions like what the day is, his name, when he was born or your names. Afterwards, he should rest and he’ll be back to himself in the morning. No food or water for at least an hour after the seizure.” Crane folded his hands and asked. “Any questions?”

“Will he die?” that was Luciano and he practically shouted it. 

“No!” Crane said. “He will not. It’s not dangerous!”

“Can we help prevent it?” Kate asked. “Is there anything?”

“Just watch him, learn what happens just before a seizure. Sometimes, a distraction helps in taking the focus away from the seizure, but it is something that he has no control over.” He exhaled. “This will not have an effect on his health. Mr. Shelby, has been my patient for nearly four years now and his health has been improving for the last year.”

“I want to see his medical records.” Kate said firmly. “I want a copy sent here so I can read them.”

His doctor frowned. “No. Medical records are confidential and---

“It’s alright.” He said. “Send a copy here, I want her to read them so she can know that I’m alright” Kate sniffled and wiped her eyes. “I want her to read it. I have no secrets from her.”

“Ah,” Crane said. “so, this must be the woman responsible for your weight gain. Katherine, am I right?”

it was a compliment, but Kate didn’t go there. Her eyes widened. “Are there dietary restrictions? Does he need---

“Madam, he can eat whatever he wants!” Crane said firmly. “Mr. Shelby had such dreadful eating habit that he was under his average weight. You’ve got his weight up. It’s alright. He’s in better spirits, he’s not as depressed, so all in all, you’ve all been a positive influence on Mr. Shelby.” Luna held her hand up. “Yes?”

“You’re sure…he won’t die?” Crane exhaled impatiently. “My daddy died already.”

Crane looked at him and he explained. “Three years ago, heart attack just after he turned 43.”

Crane finally understood and he exhaled. “Alright, all of you listen to me.” They all looked up. “There is no reason, why Mr. Shelby won’t live a long happy life. He hasn’t had an attack in over 2 years. He had one today because he too much excitement in the last two days.” Kate inhaled sharply and she knew what she was thinking about. She was thinking about the closet and what had happened between them in the coat closet. “Now, I’ve got to get going,” the doctor stood up and said. “I’ll send you my bill, Mr. Shelby.” 

He nods. “Yeah.”

“Doctor Crane,” Kate said. “I have a question, but it’s a private question and shouldn’t be asked in front of children. Can you wait a minute, please?”

he nods. “Yes.”

Kate inhales and says. “Everyone, thank the doctor and then head out. Please.”

“Ok.” Luna stood up from where she was parked by his feet. She turned around and hugged him tightly. “I’m glad you’re better.”

“Me too.” He said as he kissed her cheek. “I’m sorry for scaring you.” Angela grabbed ahold of him and held him tight. “And for scaring you as well.” Angela sniffled and he wiped her tears away. “You heard the doctor, I’m alright. It’s ok.”

“Ok.” She croaked as she pulled away.

He wasn’t expecting anything from the boys, but Romero and Luciano actually approached him. Romero extended his hand first and gave him a half-hug. He exhaled and returned it. “I’m alright.”

“I know.” Romero said quietly. “It was just scary.”

“Won’t happen again.” He said quietly. Romero nodded before turning and walking out of the room. Luciano approached, a sullen expression on his face. He extended his hand and Luciano looked at it as if he didn’t know what to do with his hand. Suddenly, Luciano threw his arms around Thomas’s neck and held onto him! He was caught off guard for a moment, only to be completely knocked for a loop as Luciano started crying. He looked at Kate who was being held by Charlie at the moment. 
He exhaled and stood up so he could hold onto him tightly.

“Don’t!” The boy sobbed into his shirt as he stood up. Kate instantly pulled away from Charlie and grabbed ahold of his arm.

“I’m alright,” he said as he rubbed Luciano’s back. “this isn’t like your father. My body got tired, it went to sleep when I didn’t want it to, but I woke up again. That’s all it is Luciano. I’m alright.” 

“Thomas,” Kate croaked. “sit down, please.”

“In a minute.” He said. “I’m fine.” He was tired, worn out, but he wasn’t weak. “You understand me?”
Luciano nodded. “Yes Sir.”
“Good.” He exhaled and said. “I’ll be out as soon as I’m done talking with your mom, alright?”

Luciano nodded and released Thomas. Kate still held onto his arm as Charlie walked up to him. “You sure you’re alright, dad?”

“Yeah,” he placed his hand on Charlie’s shoulder. “I’m good. Last one I had was the day I got custody of you and before that, it was when Ruby had been sick. I’ll be alright.”

“You better be,” Charlie said with a weak smile on his face. “I don’t think Kate can take it.”

“Yeah.” He exhaled as he looked at Kate. “Have the kids pull out go earth. We’ll be out in a bit, alright?”

Charlie nodded and smiled. “Alright dad.” Regardless of the smile on Charlie’s face, he could see that he was upset under the face.

He exhaled and looked to Kate who said. “Sit down, please.”

“Kate, I can stand---

“No!” She said. “If you fall,” her voice broke. “I can’t catch you.”

He exhaled. “Alright.” He took her hand and sat down on the couch with her holding tightly onto him. Kate had refused to let go of him since that seizure had happened. She’d been practically glued to his side since then. He exhaled and sat down beside her. “Ask your question.”

“Tommy and I were sharing an intimate moment together,” the words just popped out of her without hesitation. “we didn’t have sex, but we were both out of breath.” He stared at her. There was no embarrassment in her voice. Kate was so concerned that she wasn’t even bothered about revealing what they were doing. “I want to know, could that have been a contributing factor?”

“Unless Mr. Shelby is stressed during sex or any other intimate moments, then no. I sincerely doubt that you could cause Mr. Shelby to have a seizure. However, if he were,” he smirked. “he’s a very lucky man indeed.”

Kate turned to him and half-shouted. “Thomas!”

“Yeah, doc,” he said. “time to go.”

“It was just a----

“She doesn’t joke, not about this.” The doctor exhaled and stood up. He glanced at Kate. She had her face in her hands and she was crying softly. “Doctor, if I did want to have sex in the future,” Kate froze. “I’m clear to do that, right?”

“Yes! Mr. Shelby, I’ve told you, you can lead a perfectly normal life if you avoid extreme bouts of stress.”
He knew that, he just wanted Kate to hear that. It was for her benefit, not his. He exhaled deeply and waited for the doctor to leave the room. The door shut and Kate instantly blurted out. “It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.”

“Kate,” he gripped her hand firmly as he said. “don’t do that.”

“But it is.” Kate said. “You wouldn’t be fighting with Polly and Lizzie if it weren’t for me.”

“You’d be wrong,” he said. “Cause we fight all the time. Let it go Kate.” She shook her head. God, she was so scared right now and he couldn’t blame her. He studied her for a minute and then he grabbed her around the waist. Kate let out a gasp as he yanked her so that she was fully underneath him.

“Tommy, what are you---

“Shut up Kate.” He ordered as he opened her legs. She gasped as he settled between her legs. If he weren’t so tired he’d have f**ked it into her head that he was alright. She inhaled sharply as he laid on top of her. He knew what she needed. She needed to feel him. To feel that he was alive and that he was alright. “Look at me.” He ordered firmly. She just stared up at him, those green eyes of hers full of tears.. “You didn’t do this to me. Lizzie did, Polly did, what I shared with you…that was anything but stressful.”

She shook her head. “Tommy---

He kissed her lightly on the lips, casing her to go silent. She whimpered and he could feel every inch of her was in turmoil. If he were a gentleman, he’d have let her go and let her have space, but he wasn’t that kind of man. He kissed her gently as he said gently. “It’s not like with Luca, my heart is good. I’m good, I promise.” He pulled back and stared into her eyes before declaring. “I’ll be around for the next forty, fifty, maybe even sixty years and I’ll be there with you. You heard him, you're good for me Kate. You're good for my health.”

He was taking a lot for granted. He hadn’t even proposed to her yet, but he was so sure this time about her. He was so f**king sure and he knew it. She was going be his wife. Kate broke and she finally grabbed onto him like her life depended on it. He exhaled and wrapped an arm around her waist while she buried her face in his chest. “God, you scared the hell out of me.”

 “I know, I’m sorry.” He said as he kissed her forehead. “It hasn’t happened in years Kate. I didn’t realize and I’m sorry.” She sobbed into his chest. “Let it all out, then we’ll go out and play with the kids alright?” She could only nod. “We’ll talk about everything tomorrow.”

She cried for a good ten minutes while she held onto him. Her arms were around his shoulders, her legs were dug into his thighs and her fingers were white from gripping him so hard. She was scared and he understood why. She’d lost Luca and she thought that she’d lose him, but she hadn’t. He was here and it would take her time to believe it. Tomorrow, was the day that Luca had died and Kate knew that. In her mind, she could have very easily lost him on the day before that she’d lost Luca. But he wasn’t going anywhere. He had her, he wasn’t going to lose her by leaving her behind.

As her tears subsided, Kate said. “I’m staying in your room tonight. I need to know that you’re alright.”

“Ok.” He didn’t care. He placed a kiss to her throat, casing her to whimper. “Whatever you need Kate, I’ll give it to you.”

“I need you to be alright.” She whispered. “I’m tired of all the bodies. I can’t take any more death.”

“You have me.” He promised her before pressing another kiss to her collarbone. “More than you know.” 

And she did, she’d have him for all eternity. She didn’t quite know it tonight. But tomorrow night, she’d know it. He was going to tell her everything that he hadn’t told her yet. Life was short and he wasn’t going to let another day go by without letting her know everything that he’d been holding down inside him for over a year. The truth was coming out. Everything that had been burning inside him was finally going to come out because he could remain silent no more.

Chapter 145: Alone

That night,

---

“You’re not sleeping there, Kate.” Thomas said as she dragged a chair over to his side of the bed. “We can share the bed.”

“No.” She said instantly. “We’re not married.”

“We were once.” She shoots him a look. “Yeah, I know, it wasn’t much of a marriage, but you can’t stay there all night, Kate. Come on,” he drew the covers back. “get in the bed Kate.”

“No.”

“Get in the bed,” he said firmly. “or I’ll get the other chair and sleep right next to you.”

“Damn you.” That man was stubborn as hell. “Stop arguing!”

“Already damned.” He said simply without eve blinking. “Get in bed Kate, I’m not telling you again.”

Oh, God! Why? Why was he like this? The moment the doctor had left, he’d trapped her under his body and pinned her down. She hadn’t even time to object and then he’d kissed her! Now, thanks to that moment in the coat closet, he was going to be much  more free with his attentions. Thomas never asked for permission, but she rather wished that he would. She was still conflicted and confused about everything going on inside her regarding her feelings for him, his health, her children…it was all so much!

The seizure, had scared the hell out of her and she thought she’d lost him during it. All her children stood by the door, completely frozen in terror, especially Luciano. They clearly all thought the same as she had, that Thomas was going to die. She had no idea about his health! He’d mentioned where he thought he was going to die from a tuberculoma, but that was all. He’d maintained that he was in the peak of health, clearly, he was not.

After consoling her, they went out to play go earth. All the kids had been wary at first, but they soon warmed up. She hadn’t been able to. Her hands wouldn’t stop shaking and she didn’t want to leave his side. Today, she actually called the cook to come in and make dinner for them because she couldn’t leave him! She hated this side of her! She seemed so weak, so needy and clingy, which was something she’d never been before! It was beyond frustrating for her. And now, he wanted her to get in bed with him. She was so tired, so worn out that she wouldn’t have any will power to her in resist him. If he decided that he wanted to bed her, she wouldn’t have the strength to deny him.

She exhaled and peeled off her robe. She made sure to wear her most unflattering nightgown that she owned. Actually, she wore the one that had the most coverage in case she needed to do something to help him. “Christ, you look absolutely beautiful.”

She snorts and rolls her eyes. “God, now I know you're exhausted.”

“No,” he says as she moves to get into the far side of the bed. “I’m wide awake.” She looked up to see him blatantly staring at her. There was so much heat in that gaze of his that she nearly jumped out of her skin. He held his hand out to her and said. “Come here.”

She couldn’t resist him. She drew the covers back down and got on the bed. Thomas shot her an amused look as she grabbed her pillows. That amusement faded when she plopped the one between them. If he removed it, fine, that’s how he was, but she wanted  some space. She set it next to him and laid down on her side. God! Was she ever going to start breathing normally again?

Thomas laid on his side and he exhaled deeply. She closed her eyes and said. “Go to sleep.”

“Alright.” He suddenly wrapped his arm around her waist and tugged her towards him. He was under the covers, she was on top of them and sure enough, he’d removed the pillow between him. Despite her wish that everything remain proper, she did want to feel him close to her. He exhaled deeply and kissed her neck, sending a shiver down her spine. “Goodnight.”

It was not a goodnight for her. She couldn’t sleep at first. She kept her hand on Thomas’s wrist, constantly checking for a pulse. Thomas kept his arm around her waist and his face buried in her neck. While uncomfortable, she was grateful that he removed the pillow because she could feel his breath on her neck. He slept peacefully while she struggled. It was nearly 5 in the morning when she finally fell asleep. And her dreams were not peaceful. They were full of death and the dead told her that she brought this on herself.

---

When she awoke…she was alone again.

Alone.

Thomas wasn’t there beside her and once again, she was filled with the most horrific and crippling fear. Kate threw herself off the bed and ran to the bathroom. The door was open. He wasn’t there. Her heart started to race. Ok, he wasn’t in bed, so he was up. But why would he just leave her alone!? He wouldn’t have just left her alone after coaxing her into his bed!

Oh God, knowing him he probably got on his horse and decided to go for a ride! He could have had another seizure and being lying somewhere out in the forest and she had no idea where he would be!!

“Thomas?” she called ran out of the room and hurried down the stairs. She checked the library first. “Thomas?” He wasn’t there. He had to be outside.

Kate didn’t hesitate. She ran out the front door, completely unrobed and barefoot. She couldn’t have caring about the mud from last night, she barely noticed it creeping between her toes as she ran all the way to the barn. She flung the doors open and to her relief his horse was there and very annoyed at being disturbed.

Where was he!?

Kate ran back to the house, her lungs were bursting in her chest. She flung the door open and shouted. “Thomas!?” where the hell was he!? 

“In the kitchen, Kate!” He said as he hurried around the corner with a towel slung over his shoulder and a seemingly unbothered expression on his face. “What is it? You alright?” no she wasn’t alright!! She’s standing there in her nightdress, up to her ankles in mud, her heart beating out of her chest. How the hell could she be alright!? She just stared at him and he stilled. “Kate? What is it?”

That was the moment she knew. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t do this again. She couldn’t go through this again. She couldn’t! She didn’t want to go through this another day and she knew that he knew it too. Waking up with Luca dead beside her had nearly killed her! She couldn’t bear a lifetime of not knowing where he was and if he was alright! She couldn’t live with that. She couldn’t live with this every single day for years the anxiety, the fear, it would kill her! And if she found him dead beside her, she would die. She couldn’t bear to feel that again, not a second time.

He removed the towel from his shoulder as she stepped back. “Kate.” She shook her head. “Kate, don’t do this Kate.” She spun on her heel and ran upstairs. “Kate!”

“Dad!” Charlie said. “It’s boiling over!”

“Ah, f**k!” he turned and headed back into the kitchen.

That was the only headstart that she needed. She got upstairs, to her room, double locked the door behind her and started grabbing all her clothes. She then realized that she had mud all over her feet. She ran to the bathroom and put her feet in the tub. Her hands shook as she turned the water on to scrub the mud off her feet. 

She wasn’t sure how she was able to get her feet cleaned, dressed in five minutes and her most valuable possessions shoved into a suitcase! God, she didn’t even know she had so much stuff in his house!! How the hell had that happened!? There were burlap bags under the kitchen sink, she could use that to get some more things down.

She unlocked the door to her room and opened it to see Thomas standing there. “Look Kate, can we talk? Please.”

she shook her head. “No. Not now.” If he talked to her, she’d change her mind and she did NOT want to change her mind.

“Kate,” she pushed past him and went down the stairs. “Kate, don’t,” he paused and then he asked. “what’s the bag for?”

“I’m leaving.” She said simply as she set the bag down by the door. She felt him jolt and she avoided looking at him. “I’ll get the kids, we’ll be out---

“Now, hold on!” He said as he grabbed her by the arm and spun her around. “What’s---

“Don’t touch me!” She shouted as she took a step back, her breathing fast and heavy. “Not right now!”

“Kate!” He said firmly, clearly trying to calm her down, but failing. “Hold on a minute! What happened? Why are you---

“Where were you!?” She shouted at him. “Where were you?!” He looked at her as if she was the one who lost her mind. “I couldn’t find you!” The tears just started pouring down her cheeks. “You weren’t in the bed, the bath, the library---

“Kate---

“I ran all the way out to the barn,” she half-shrieked at him. “because I thought you decided to go get on your horse!! Even after you,” she couldn’t say the words. If she said them, she might bring them to existence. “where were you!?”

“In the kitchen,” he gripped her shoulders. “I was making the kids breakfast.”

She stared at him, all her feelings froze inside her in shock at those words. “What?”

“Yes.” He exhaled. “I can’t do much, but I made the porridge. Charlie did the sausage, the girls did the toast and---

“I called you!” She said. “I called you and you didn’t answer me!” 

“I stepped outside for a minute…to pick you some flowers on the side of the house.” All of that sounded normal, very normal and she knew that she couldn’t go through life like this. 

She inhaled as she said. “You left me…alone.”

“Kate---

“I didn’t know where you were!” her voice broke as she said. “I couldn’t find you!”

“There’s a tray in the kitchen,” he explained. “I was going to bring it up for you. You didn’t get much sleep last night so I thought I’d let you sleep in.” He cupped her face in his hands as he said. “I’m alright.” She inhaled. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”

She shook her head as she said. “I can’t do this Thomas. I can’t do this.” His eyes flashed with understanding and he tightened his grip on her face. “I’m leaving. We’re all leaving, today.”

---

Chapter 146: His proposal

“What’s going on?”

Thomas didn’t look away from Kate’s terrified face as he answered Luciano. “Nothing, I scared your mother by accident and she’s panicking.”

“I am not---

“You’re running away, Kate.” He said firmly, yet as calm as he could so he didn’t frighten the children. “You are not leaving this house---

“Yes, I am!”

“You are not, leaving this house,” he repeated. “until you and I have talked this through calmly.”

“No!” She jerked away from him, but he stepped forward and grabbed her around the waist. She tried pulling free but he wouldn’t let her go. “No!  You always talk me out of things and I don’t want to change my mind about this!”

“Kate, I didn’t think about that what it would mean to you. I am sorry! Honest! I swear, I didn’t mean to scare you like that!” He was not a man to beg, but he was practically begging her to understand. “You couldn’t sleep last night---

“Do you know why I couldn’t sleep?” She demanded, her broken voice so full of hurt that it physically hurt him to hear it.

“Because I kept checking your pulse!”

his heart dropped at those words. “Sweetheart---

“I kept checking to see if you were breathing because I didn’t pay any attention to Luca and he woke up dead!” Her voice broke as she sobbed. “He had a heart attack, with me right there in the bed and I didn’t even notice!”

“You couldn’t have known Kate!” He said. “Not even the doctors could have known!”

“But I did!” She burst out. “He was tired, he wasn’t feeling good! He-he thought it was the sun,” Thomas stepped closer to her as he saw that Kate was actually blaming herself. “and I-I didn’t realize it was something else! I was right there---

“Kate, sweetheart---

“No! Don’t call me that!” Kate tried breaking free, but he tightened his grip. “I need to get out of here! I need to get away---

“Kate---

“I need to get out! I can’t do this again! I can’t go through this again!” She inhaled, on the edge of hyperventilating. “I can’t! When Luca died, I nearly died. I cannot go through that again with you!”

“Kate, I understand, but---

“No,” she shook her head as she begged. “don’t ask me, don’t say it. I don’t want to know!”

“Kate, I need you to calm down---

“I’ll calm down when I’m home. I can’t think here.”

He knew better, she wasn’t going to calm down, she was going to run. “I know you Kate. The moment you’re out that door, you’re packing everything up and you’re getting on a boat for America.”

“America?!” that was Charlie.

“We can’t go to America, Mama!” Luciano said. “What about my school?”

“What about my pony!” Luna said. 

“Mama hasn’t even said that we’re leaving yet.” Romero said. “Don’t get hysterical yet!”

Kate looked him dead in the eye as she said. “You are not my husband, Thomas Shelby! I am free to come and go as I please, with my children! You have no control over what I can or cannot do!”

“Kate!” He said. “For God’s sake, calm down and listen to me! God, you’re so f**king stubborn, even more so when you’re scared out of your f**king mind!”

He wasn’t quite sure what he was dealing with here. She was beyond terrified. He saw it when he heard her screaming for him this morning. When he rounded the corner, he’d been stunned at the sight of her. She looked like a mad woman, covered in mud up to her knees, her hair a fresh tangled. God, he hadn’t even thought that she’d wake up and find him gone like that. Much less that she’d go running through the entire house looking for him! She even ran out to the barn, she was that f**king scared for him! But that was because she cared for him and she loved him. Yes, she was scared now, rightfully so. Today was the day she’d lost her first husband and then she’d woken up to find him gone. Not to mention, he’d told Polly yesterday that he loved Kate and wanted to marry her. Then, they have their first crisis and in her mind, he ‘abandoned’ her. Yes, she understood why he left, but she needed him there and he wasn’t. God, he’d just wanted her to get some rest, take care of the kids and then get back to her. He probably should have left her a note, but he wasn’t thinking that way.

He inhaled. “Kate, why don’t you go back upstairs,” she shook her head. “get in the bath, I’ll bring breakfast up to you---

“I said no!” She said firmly. “I want to go home!”

he inhaled and just told her again. “I’m not letting you go, Kate.” She stared at him in shock. “You’re staying here with me. You’re not leaving this house.”

The whole room went dead silent. Kate stopped the crying and drew herself up, ready to start another fight. “I’m not staying.” He shook his head. “You have to let me go.”

“No.” He shook his head as his heart beat faster in his chest. “I can’t.”

“You have to!” She begged. “Please! Don’t make me go through this again. You let me go once before.” He tightened his grip on her waist at those words. “Why should this time be any---

“Because I can’t lose you again!” He half-shouted in her face. “I love you, Kate!”

The whole room gasped in shock at those words

She shook her head. “Don’t---

“I love you,” he wasn’t going to stop now, he couldn’t. “and I know that you love me! I felt it and I know you did too.” He said as he pinned her against the wall. “I felt it the exact moment when you did and yesterday, you kissed me Kate!”
all the kids reacted to those words, but Kate was focusing on him, not them. “You kissed me!”

“You kissed me back!” He declared. “Yes, I kissed you first, but you held onto me and don’t you DARE tell me that you didn’t want me in that moment!” he held tighter onto her waist. “You know that I love you and I have been in love with you for a very long time. I have been in love with you since Christmas Day, 1925!” Her mouth dropped open in shock at those words, but he couldn’t stop. “Longer! There has never been a single day, in those ten years, that I have not spent thinking about you!” Kate tried to get away, but he held onto her tight and he refused to let her go. “That day in Worcester, I didn’t see you. I heard you! I heard you laughing and I thought that I’d finally gone mad because I kept hearing your voice in my head!” her breathing sped up and she stared at him. “I actually got on top of a f**king bench because I couldn’t see you! Then I saw you…and I fell in love with you all over again. I knew in that moment that I had to have you in my life again.” His voice broke and he inhaled, not wanting to start crying. “So, I can’t…I can’t let you go this time Kate. Especially when I know, that you feel the same way about me. I know you love me.”

He inhaled, studying her as he tried to get his rapidly beating heart out of control. “You,” Luciano asked. “you…love him mama?”

Kate inhaled sharply, tears pooling in her eyes. “I-I never said that I did.”

“You didn’t have to.” He said without looking away from her. “You realized that you had feelings for me, when I put my arms around you to make the pizza.” Her face flushed and he nodded. “I knew it Kate. You let me touch you…you wanted me to touch you. You’d have let me kiss you if Lizzie hadn’t turned up.”

She shook her head as she whispered. “I didn’t want to fall in love again. I don’t want to marry again. We did this once before and it was awful. Why, why would this time be any different?”

“Because we’re different.” He said. “I’m different and you know that. I have never been a patient man. I wasn’t a good husband to you and I certainly wasn’t a good father to Charlie. I wouldn’t change, not for my family, not for Grace…but I’ve changed for you. I gave up the business. I became a father to Charlie so you would realize that I could be a good enough man for your children. And I love your children.” The little pings and clings said that the children had all done something, but he couldn’t break eye contact with Kate. “I love every single one of your children as if they were my own flesh and blood.” tears started running down her face. “Charlie, as always wanted siblings of his own, now he’s got them. He’s wanted a mother.” Kate started crying harder. “You and I, we’ve both married three times. We married for convenience once, with George and Lizzie. We married each other, because we were forced. We married for love once with Luca and Grace. We lost them.” She inhaled raggedly. “You and I…I swore, that if I ever married again…that it would be for love. And God knows that I love you.” His voice broke as he told her. “I love you so f**king much.”

“Tommy---

oh, he nearly had her. “Charlie, take the top book from my desk, there’s a gift on top. Bring both, but don’t let her see the gift.” He switched to Romani. It’s a ring. Charlie didn’t hesitate and he hurried out of the room. “I know, that you’re scared and it’s alright to be scared. I’m scared too, but I’m not going to stop living because I’m scared that I could lose you!” She opened her mouth. “Yes, I could wake up dead beside you, but you could get shot and f**king die in my arms.”

“Then you know!” She says as she placed her hand on his chest, right over his frantically beating heart, instantly calming it. “You know why I’m scared! Do you know what you’re asking of me?”

“I do,” he said patiently. “I’m asking the same thing of you. I’m asking you to hold onto me instead of running away from me. I know, it’ll be hard at first, but I would rather live with the fear of losing you in the back of my mind. If I have you in my arms…I don’t care the future holds. I can face it with you and I’ll be there for you when you need me. You’ve trusted me with your kids, now, I need you to trust me with your heart now. You offered it to me once and I broke it. But this time, I’ll protect it with every bit of me.” At that moment, Charlie came around the corner and he nodded. “Give her the book.”

Charlie nodded. “Yes Sir.” 

He inhaled, his heart pounding in his chest while he waited for her to take the book. She looked at it and froze. She hesitated, then she took the book. “No!” He nodded at the look of shock on her face. “But you,” she ran her hand over the worn cover of Romeo and Juliet from her father’s most precious collection. “you, you told me that you burned them!”

“I never did.” He inhaled as he explained. “Changretta’s men cleaned out your room. I had no photos, nothing of you to hold onto except for these books. I couldn’t let them go any more than I could let you go.”

She inhaled. “But…you never said, why are after all this time would you----

“Because when I saw you again…I knew that I was going to ask you to marry me again,” her head shot up. “I decided that I was going to give you the books and ask you to let me take care of you as I’ve cared for these books.” He inhaled before holding his hand out for the ring that Charlie had. He held it up to her and she gasped at the sight of the simple, silver engagement band. She covered her mouth with a shaking hand. “Now, I’m not proposing to you yet, but I do have a question to ask you.”

“Tommy---

“I’m asking you,” He inhaled. “to stay here, full-time, you and the kids. No more traveling back and forth. We’ll give living together a trial run, the house is big enough for us to live together respectably until then. We’ll work through every little thing that scares you. In six months, if you’re ready…I want to marry you.” She inhaled deeply. “I’m not good with words, I never was. I won’t talk fancy like Changretta did to you… but I will love you as much as he did.” She finally looked up at him. “My love for you has changed in many different ways, but it’s there. It’s always been there.” She bit her lip, clearly thinking on it. He inhaled and then pulled out the Hamlet quote that he’d been saving for when he proposed to her. “Doubt thou the stars are fire.” Her head shot up in instant recognition. “Doubt that the sun doth move. Doubt truth to be a liar. But never doubt I love.” He held her gaze as he said. “I love you.” He leaned forward so that their noses touched. He inhaled as he asked her the second most important question in his life. “Do you love me, Katherine Ann Kovach Sabini Shelby Changretta? And if you do…will you accept this ring and start the next steps of joining your life with mine?”

she inhaled deeply and he studied her. She wasn’t crying out of despair any more. Oh, she wanted it. He could see it in her eyes. She wanted him. She wanted this life he was offering her. She wanted this family. But was she ready for it? Yes, he’d spoken way too soon, but if he had said nothing he’d have lost her.

The whole room was silent as she licked her lips before croaking out. “Tommy, I---

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Everyone in the house screamed at the sound of someone knocking on the door. He exhaled and looked at Kate who had her hand on her throat, her green eyes wide. Jesus Christ, she was NOT having a very easy time at this. He exhaled and said. “Stay there. I’ll be back.”

He kissed her quickly on the lips and turned to head to the front door. “Be careful.”

At those words, he turned to her and stated. “I’m going to marry you Kate. I’m always careful.”
He went to the parlor window and peered out the curtains. He cursed violently. He needed to get those f**king builders out here tomorrow instead of next week! There on his front porch stood Arthur and his wife Linda, along with Ada!

He yanked the door open and said. “Not a good time!”

“Well,” Ada said with an arched brow. “is that the thanks we get after---

A scream caused him to whirl around. “Dad!” Charlie shouted. “Kate’s fainted.”

He practically threw the gun to Arthur before running back to the kitchen. Sure enough, there she was, unconscious on the floor with Charlie bracing her. He exhaled and knelt beside her, instantly checking her pulse. It was steady. He exhaled and pulled her upright into his arms. “I’ve got her.” He shakes his head. “Christ, it’s been a rough day for her.”

“Here.” Linda said as she rifled through her purse. “I have smelling salts.”

“Thank you.” He waved the salts under her nose. Kate made a face and began to stir. “Kate?” he turned to Angela, who already had a glass of water in her hand. “Thank you darling.”

“Did you mean that?” she asked, her brown eyes wide. “You…you want to be our dad?”

he held her gaze and said without hesitation. “Yes, I do. That is…if you all want me to be.”

Angela nodded and whispered. “Yes.”

“No.” Kate said from his arms, causing him to look down at her. “Don’t…say things like that.” She inhaled. “We haven’t…talked and I haven’t agreed…to anything.”

“What the f**k is going on here?” Arthur asked.

He inhaled. “I asked Kate, if she’d let me court her and then, we’d marry,” his temper flared. “when you lot f**king knocked on the door!!”

“Tommy,” Ada said. “can you move her to the couch? She’s overwhelmed and she needs a few minutes. All of you kids, go outside and play. Karl and Elizabeth are all outside, you all have fun!”

none of them moved. Thomas exhaled as he picked Kate up. “Don’t.” She protested. “I don’t want---

“I’m fine Kate. I’m not going to drop dead from carrying you.” He put her on the couch in the parlor. He didn’t mean to say this, but he couldn’t help himself. “You know,  you said that Changretta had no flaws, but you we’re wrong.” He stated. “The truth is, he cared too f**king much. He kept you wrapped up in a blanket, on a f**king shelf like a little china doll. He kept you safe from everything, making sure that you never felt any hurt or pain whatsoever.” She looked up at him, the blood draining out of her face. “Now you’re scared of everything! You’re scared to feel things that could cause you to lose something. You’re scared to get hurt. You’re scared for your kids. You are scared of everything!” He declared. “I will walk with you Kate, I’ll protect you when necessary, but I will not let you hide in my shadow. This is a life that we're going to share together. It’s full of crazy things, feelings and pain. I’m asking you to live with me. Not just in the house and in my bed, but I want you to experience every little thing with me. We hid once before and look what happened to us. It's time to start living Kate, you know that he wanted you to live again. He already gave you his blessing...what's stopping you from having this life with me?”

“Right,” Arthur grabbed him by the shoulder and guided him out of the room. “give her a f**king minute Tommy. Geez, let her breathe!”

He did. As he turned and walked out of the room with Arthur, he had a bad feeling that once again, he’d managed to destroy a future with Kate. 

Chapter 147: Building a house

Kate just sat there on the couch completely stunned. Her brain…it felt like her head was in a tornado. It wouldn’t stop spinning. Thomas, he…oh, dear God, he said too much too her! It was all too f**king much!! She couldn’t, God, she could barely breathe! She could hardly think. She was feeling too much and yet, it was all so horrible and yet wonderful at the same time.

The wonderful thing was that he loved her. He loved her so much that he wanted to marry her. Not only her, her loved her children. After ten years of being apart, a whole year being together…it had progressed to this moment in time. He’d given up the dirty side of his business, gotten mostly out of the life and kept the legitimate side of things. He’d stood with her against Polly. He’d thrown Lizzie completely out of his life. He’d shown that he was 100% committed to her, her children and having a life with her. 

The horrible part of it…was the seizures. He and his doctor both said that he was alright. But Luca had gone every year for a checkup, they all had! His doctor said that Luca was in the prime of health! She remembered standing in the family mausoleum for hours wondering what the hell had happened!! How could he have just died like that!? The pain at the time had been unbearable and she’d had to pull herself together for the sake of their children.

Now, once again, her life had take a drastically sharp turn.

“Right then,” Ada said as she came back from…somewhere. “that’s all done now.”

Kate blinked. “I’m sorry?”

“The dishes.” Ada said with a smile. “Linda and I did it to give you some space.”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

Ada exhaled and sat down beside her. Linda sat on the opposite side of her. After a few minutes, Ada said. “Want to talk about it?”

She shakes her head. “I don’t know.”

Linda rubbed her shoulder and said. “You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.” Kate looked up at Linda who smiled at her. “I’m sure you’ve had enough of us Shelby’s barging in here.”

Kate chuckles faintly before wiping her eyes. She exhaled deeply and then a few minutes later she says. “Tommy wants to marry me.”

“So we’ve heard.” Ada said with a smile. “Polly just about lost her mind when she called a family meeting with the family.”

Kate inhaled. “I didn’t mean to cause trouble.”

“Nonsense,” Ada said. “you and Tommy fell back in love again. He’s happy again. It’s good to see.”

Kate was silent for a long time as she twisted Luca’s ring on her finger. She hesitated and then asked. “Tommy said…that he’s been in love with me since I left on Boxing Day. Is that true?”

Ada glanced at Linda, who nodded. “Yes.” Kate groans and shakes her head. “He denied it, but, we could tell. We couldn’t understand why, especially after how things ended between the two of you.”

Kate exhales and whispers. “I don’t understand it either. He told me today, for the first time that he’s been in love with me for more then ten years. I still can’t believe it. I know it’s true. I can see it in his eyes and I know it’s true.” She shakes her head. “Sometimes I look at him and I don’t know who he is at times!”

---

“You don’t know her Arthur!” he said. “Not the way I do!”

“Tommy---

“She used to have this fire in her, even before Changretta got into the picture.” He exhaled. “I’d see it, the way she rode a horse with her hair flying back. She loved horses. You know, she doesn’t ride anymore? She hasn’t ridden a horse since she married Changretta!” 

“Why’d she do that Tom?”

“Said she didn’t want there to be an accident.” He shakes his head. “She gave up something that she loved…because she wanted to be safe. Even the way we fight now…it’s different. She could yell at me, she could scream. Now every time she yells, she cries.” He shakes his head. “I miss that about her. The first time I saw her, the real her…it was in that f**king warehouse right before Changretta came in. She was…amazing. She was angry, she was full of life, she was passionate.” He shook his head as he remembered that girl. “She, oh, she was all in my face, threatening to kill me … and I thought, she was the most beautiful thing I’d seen. There was no fear, she was strong, so f**king strong. I remember her telling me that, he helped her find herself again and that she wasn’t going to let this fire go. I don’t see that girl anymore. The fire is gone.”

“Maybe, she don’t need to be on fire around you.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “I watch her. She concedes instead of fighting. Sometimes I try to pick fights with her on purpose to see if that fire is still there. But,” he shakes his head. “it’s gone. The Japanese…when they break a dish, they keep it. They glue it back together with gold.”

Arthur frowned. “With gold?”

“They bind the broken pieces together, only to present it again whole, with gold running through it. To show that despite being broken, it’s still beautiful.” He exhaled and shook his head. “Every time I get close to her…it’s like he left her wrapped in a blanket so I can’t see her fully.”

“Tom, she’s gone through a lot.”

“I know Arthur. I know.” He said quietly. “But I need that fire Arthur…I don’t know how to get it back.”

“Why do you need the fire, Tom?”

“With no fire, there’s no light and my world is f**king dark.” He exhaled. “When I was having…a turn, I heard her for a minute. I heard that girl again.” He shook his head as he heard her voice in his head. “She was yelling at my doctor. I don’t remember anything during that time, I never do. She could have told me that she loved me and I wouldn’t have remembered. But that,” he shook his head. “that I remember as clear as day because that was the first time, she let that fire come through.” He exhaled. “I’d been waiting for that fire from her for so long that I held onto it.” He was silent for a long time and then he said.

“If she’s not willing to fight for us…I’m going to lose her all over again, Arthur. I’ll wake up one day…and she’ll be f**king gone again.”

“Tom, she needs time.” Arthur said. “Bloody Hell, when Polly called up I thought she was joking.”

“Why?” he asked firmly. “Because of Changretta?”

“Because there’s too much going on.” Arthur says. “You just said she’s as bad in the head as you are. We both know her past, she lost a husband as you lost a wife. You panicked when she said she loved you! You told her and you’re already planning the f**king wedding!”

“We’d move in first,” he said. “I’ll give her six months or however many more months she needs.” He rubbed his brow. “I can’t do another ten years Arthur. Not again.” He exhaled. “I can live with half of her if I have to…I just wish I had all of her.”

“You have her though Tom, you must know you do.”

“I don’t.” His hands shook. “I see it in her eyes, she gets close. She gets so f**king close…then she runs away from me and I don’t know how to make her stop!”

---

“And he was right!”

“No,” Ada said. “Luca loved you very much. It’s very clear from the photos. You weren’t hiding in his shadow!”

“That’s not what Tommy meant, not really.” She inhaled deeply. “Luca was like this big mountain that always blocked the wind. When I lost him…I didn’t know how to cope so I just dug a hole and stayed there.” She inhaled. “Now Tommy wants to pull me out of the hole….and I don’t want to leave it because it’s warm and comfortable. I don’t want to go back into the wind.” She inhaled. “I don’t…want to start again. I don’t want to risk getting hurt again.”

“None of us do.” Ada said. “But, it’s a risk that all of us have to take, especially with a man like Tommy.”

“I know, I’m getting into this conversation late,” Linda said. “but, let’s stick to the basics. Any thing that needs to be discussed in detail should be discussed with him. Do you love him?”

Kate inhales sharply before stating. “I haven’t told him that myself yet.”

“Well, do you?”

Kate bites her lip and nods as she says softly. “I do.”

Linda smiles and says softly. “That’s good. You said he loves your children. Do you love Charlie?”

Kate nods. “Of course I do.”

“Do you want to marry him?”

she bites her lip. “Possibly, not now at least.”

“That’s alright.” Linda said. “That’s good actually.”

Ada frowned. “How so? You know Tommy and his moods.”

“Think of it this way.” Linda said. “Your relationships are like houses. You and Luca bought a house that was already built. You and Tommy…you’re building a house together. They’ll both be very different houses, but they’ll be houses nonetheless.” She shakes her head. “This is a hard life we married into with hard men, they need someone by their side. He needs to know if you’ll have his back. The life that he leads…is very different from the one you had with Changretta. your life with him…it was all sunshine and no rain. Tommy’s life, you never know which way the weather is going to turn. He’ll cover you with his coat…but he wants to know if you’ll share the umbrella with him when he needs comfort as well.”

Kate bit her lip. She kinds of saw what Linda was pointing out. Tommy had been knocking himself out in this relationship of theirs. But in her defense, she’d only realized that they were in a relationship yesterday! Not only that, but she had feelings for him. She needed time. She needed time to catch up to him and he was impatient. He was always wanting to move ahead quickly and she had a tendency to drag her feet.

 She inhaled as she said. “I don’t want to lose him again.”

“None of us ever do want to lose the person that we love.” Linda said. “That doesn’t mean you stop fighting for it because it’s hard. You want him and a future together, then you have to work together. He’s ready and yes, you’re not there yet. He just needs to know that you’re willing to work for it.”

---

The knock on the door caused them both to jump. He turned towards the door and said. “Come in.”

The door opened and in came Kate and Linda. Well, Linda, she stayed by the door. “Arthur,” she said with that lying little smile. “Ada needs your help outside for a minute.”

Arthur nodded. “Alright.”

With that, Arthur left the room with Linda. The door shut and there was silence. Kate looked at him. He looked at her. She looked calmer, more in control now. 

She inhaled and asked quietly. “Can we talk?”

That’s all he wanted to do. He wanted to talk to her. He nodded. “Yes, yes we can talk.” 

She then walked very calmly to the couch and sat down. He moved to sit next to her, silently praying that everything was going to be alright between them. He prayed he hadn’t blown it and he prayed that he wasn’t losing his mind because he’d never uttered a prayer aloud or in his head for over twenty years! But right now, he was willing to try everything, including selling his soul to keep her in his life!

Chapter 148: Again

“I’m sorry!” They both blurted out at the same time. They paused and then laughed briefly. 

Thomas studied her for a minute and then stood up. “Come here.”

She frowned, but put her hand in his. He nodded and moved towards the library door. She didn’t question him as they exited the library and walked out the front door. All the children were outside, kinda playing but giving glances towards the house. The moment Kate came out, they all jumped up and swarmed around her. Thomas kept on walking towards the barn.

“Are you alright?” Luciano asked as he ran up to her. “You fainted.”

Kate nods as she hugs him. “Yes, I’m fine. I’m sorry, it was a bit too much.”

“I haven’t seen you scared before.” Luciano said. “Not like that.”

“Well,” she inhaled. “he always has a bad habit of making my blood pressure rise. But, I’m ok. Honest.” She turned to hug Angela and Luna. “I’m sorry for scaring you. You two ok?”

“Yes Mama.”

Romero was the last one up the stairs and after hugging her, he asked her directly. “Are you going to marry him?”

Kate swallowed and looked towards the barn. She exhaled. “I don’t know yet.”

“Why not?” Luciano said.

Kate blinked in surprise and turned towards him. “Not that I’m displeased to see you’ve come around, but…what’s made you like Thomas all of a sudden?”

“Yesterday.” He said. “Just realized as Uncle Alfie said that, he’s not too bad once you get to know him.”

Kate bit her lip and said. “I’m sorry for not believing you about the touching. I didn’t realize that’s what was going on.”

“It’s ok.” He said simply. “Uncle Alfie explained and…I thought maybe that you were both just talking to each other. Didn’t realize it was actually something more until Valentine’s Day and he brought us all those chocolates. He was looking at you when you were arranging the roses and I remembered when papa used to look at you like that.”

Kate’s heart softened. “He won’t replace your father. I will always, always love your father.”

“I know, but,” he said. “you love him too. Don’t you?”

Kate exhaled and said. “We were married once before, it didn’t go well. I thought I loved him then, but he didn’t love me back. Now he does…and I don’t know if it’s a good idea. I have you guys to think about now and---

"We're all fine with it." Romero said. "We were all talking about it outside and...we like the idea."

"As long as you're happy." Luna said, bringing a tear to her eye.

"So," Luciano said. "don't worry about us. If you love him...then marry him mama."

Her heart hitched in her chest. "Well, I-I'm not making any promises, we’re going to talk for a bit and,” the sound of a horse trotting towards them caused her to look up to see Thomas was on his big black Friesian. She instantly started shaking her head. “No! Absolutely not!”

“Do you guys know,” he said as he vaulted off the horse. “that your mother used to be an experienced rider?” all the kids stared at her as if Thomas had said she used to be married to the king of England! “We used to go riding, every morning.”

“Thomas, that was a long time ago.” She said. “I haven’t been on a horse in over 10 years.”

“I know,” he said as he took ahold of her wrist, gently tugging her down the stairs. “that changes today.”

“No.” She shook her head. “If something happens, if  the horse rears up---

“He won’t.”

“Or if he trips and,” Thomas grabbed her around the waist and lifted her up onto the horses back! “whoa!” oh, God, this felt strange! She grabbed onto the withers as she wobbled. Thomas hadn’t even put a saddle on. “Thomas.” She said as she struggled to hold on. “Thomas I don’t feel like this is a good idea.”

“It’s a good idea.” He exhaled as he hopped on behind her, wrapping a strong arm around her waist, causing her to jump a little. “Time for you to remember who you were.” He turned to Charlie. “We’ll be back later, make sure the kids get to meet Arthur and Linda. Just going for a ride.”

“Thomas,” she begged. “can we please just,” he turned the horse and she bobbled like she was biking down a bumpy road. “whoa!”

“Hold onto me, Kate.” He said as he turned the horse towards the stream. “Hold on with your knees. I’ve got you. Nothing’s going to happen.”

“It might!” She said as she grabbed ahold of his arm with one hand.

“That doesn’t mean you give up something you love because something might happen.” He said and she knew that he wasn’t talking about the horse. “You had to trust me for worse things than this. Trust in yourself for a bit.” She inhaled deeply as they cross the stream. Thomas takes his horse through at a trot, sending water up and over her dress. She wasn’t dressed for riding, her dress was up to her thighs and there was still a chill in the air from the rain last night. The moment they crossed the stream, Thomas said something to the horse in Rokker, which caused it to take off at a gallop! Kate let out a half-scream of surprise and Thomas tightened his grip on her waist. “I’ve got you. You’re alright.”

“Oh!” her heart started pounding in her chest as they galloped through the forest. Thomas scooted closer, pressing his body against hers.

She said nothing and neither did he. His horse kept going and Kate started thinking about all the things that could happen to them. The horse could fall in the mud. He could rear up and fall back on them. They could get hit in the head by a branch. Lots of things could happen, but Thomas didn’t care.

As the minutes wore on, her grip slowly relaxed as her mind and body started to remember how much she loved this. The smell of the air, the feel of the horse under her and freedom of the spirit. It was almost as if, she’d given up parts of herself when she became a mother. Made sacrifices and moved on past things, or so she thought. Thomas had noticed and he hadn’t forgotten. But then…he’d also been in love with her for over ten years. He’d held onto every little memory of her that he could and as a result, he knew her just as well as she knew herself. 

Suddenly, Thomas pulled the horse up short and they stopped in a forest glade. Kate had taken to holding on with her knees so she barely bobbled as he brought the horse up to a stop. She was laughing as she looked back at him to see him smiling at her. “There you are.” He said as he looked at her with this…intimately knowing looking his eyes.

She smiled at him. “Here I am.”

“You survived your first ride.”

She nods. “Yes, but, I’m going to be sore tomorrow.”

“Yeah, but,” he hopped off the horse’s back. “some things are worth it.”

She nodded again. “You’re right.” 

After tying up the horse, he came back to her and placed his hands on her waist. “Come here. I’ve got you.”

She nodded as she put her hands on his shoulders. She hesitated. “Are you sure---

“Get off the horse, Kate.” He said with a hint of impatience in his voice. “I’m fine. You’re fine. We’re both fine.”

“Ok.” She held onto him as he helped her swing down. The moment her legs touched the ground, they buckled. “Whoa!”

But Thomas as always, had a firm hold on her. “I’ve got you.”

“You always do.” She said with a laugh. “Oh, it’s been so long.”

“Too long.” He said near her ear.

She shook her head as she surveyed the glade. “It’s so beautiful here.”

“I’ve seen more beautiful places.”

“Such as?” She turned towards him and found her face inches away from his. He still hadn’t released her, so they were very close.

“Your eyes.” He said quietly, causing her to inhale as she flushed. “They make this forest…seem as if it’s dead, they’re so green.”

She swallowed. “Tommy.”

He closed the distance between them and kissed her deeply. She held onto him as her legs were still shaking. Thought at this point, she couldn’t tell if it was from the horseback ride or him. This kiss, it was as passionate as it was yesterday, but there was much more control which she deeply appreciated. Kate closed her eyes and ran her hands up his forearms to wrap around his shoulders. She did miss being kissed and she missed being loved. She just never thought that she’d ever have this again, with Thomas Shelby of all men! This marriage would be so very different from their first one because they were different. 
After a few heady moments of kissing, he broke the kiss, which had them both slightly panting for air. He caressed her face with his hand, running a few fingers through her tangled hair. For a few minutes, that’s all they did. They just looked at each other and held onto each other, familiarizing themselves with each other once again. He felt the same, yet different all at the same time. He was unfamiliarly intoxicating and she wanted to learn more about him. So much more that she was almost hungry in her desperation to know him.

“You have,” she said softly. “a very, bad habit…of not asking for permission.”

“I’m not Changretta, Kate. You know what kind of man I am. I don’t ask, I take what I want. I don’t have much in this life, so I hold on tightly onto what I’ve got.” Oh, that explained so much about him. He inhaled deeply. “I may hold on too tight, but…I can’t lose you Kate. I can’t, not again.”

She inhaled as she said. “I don’t want to lose you either. I am so tired of losing people that I love.”

He went completely still before asking. “You love me?”

She inhaled as she nodded. “Yes.” Oh, his handsome face lit up at those words. His expression brought tears to her eyes as she said. “I love you, Thomas Shelby---

Oh, he cut her off with so passionate a kiss that Kate nearly forgot how to breathe! She groaned against his lips and held on because that’s all she could do. Thomas, good God! She was hungry in her knowledge to know more about him, but he was desperate to share all these feelings that he’d been holding back for ten years! She was so sure that she was fainting again when she realized that she was on the ground and Thomas was on top of her!

“Hmm,” she broke the kiss and placed a hand on his mouth. He instantly paused. “no, not yet.”

"I know, I’m sorry.” He exhaled. “Not out here, you deserve better.” Those words caused her to smile at him. She remembered a time when he wouldn’t have stopped and would have just pressured her into giving into him. “It’s just…I have been losing my f**king mind from the moment you’ve come back into my life!” Her heart warmed at his confession. He rolled off her and pulled her into a sitting position. “I have needed you for so long. I’ve wanted to kiss you, taste you, hold you and love you, but, that was all something I thought I’d never get to do again.” Kate stared at him as he exhaled sharply. “And then when I could,” she realized that his hands were shaking. “you weren’t ready, so I went to America.”

Her eyes widened. “That’s why you left? Because of me?”

“That and to close the business, I also needed to think on what it was I wanted from you, my feelings and I needed that space. You needed time without me and,” he shook his head. “I had to think about every move I did so as not to push you. And,” he exhaled roughly. “oh, f**k, you love me. You finally f**king love me.” She reached over and placed her hand on his. He took her hand and brought it to his lips. After a few tender, yet shaking kisses to her knuckles he looked at her and said. “I love you.” 

“I know.” She inhaled. “I love you too Thomas. But please…can we talk?”

“One minute.” He said with an exhale as he pulled her towards him. “One minute, please.”

He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. Kate knew what he was doing. He was trying to convince himself that this whole thing was real. She understood, because even now she still could not believe that this whole thing between them had actually happened again.

Chapter 149: Planning for the future

“So,” she said as Thomas played with her hand. “I think that…the six months...are a very good idea. I’m not, going to say anything about marriage because it’s too early, Thomas.”

“Alright.” He nods in understanding. “When you feel we’re there, we’ll talk about it. But, how would you feel about wearing that ring around your neck?”

“I don’t mind. I have a chain at home, so no buying it for me.” He chuckled as she then asked. “And my children? What do you want them to call you?”

“Whatever they like. Charlie, will want to start calling you mother.”

“That’s alright with me.” She inhaled before saying. “I want, to keep their surnames, at least for the boys. They’re the last to carry his family name. Luca and I weren’t even sure that we’d be able to have children---

“But you had four!” He points out.

“Angela and Luna were surprises.” She said with a laugh. “Very happy surprises, but surprises nonetheless.” She inhales before saying. “But, before the doctor appointments, diagnosis and all of that, I told him I may not be able to have children and he may not be able to continue his father’s line. He thought about it and said that he wanted me more.” She couldn’t read his expression immediately. “I’m not saying that you would want to give my children your name, but…I want them to keep his name. Charlie will carry your name, your legacy. I want them to carry on his name and legacy.”

He was silent before asking. “What about the girls?”

She inhaled. “If you wanted to give them your name, I have no objections, but, we would have to explain to Luciano and Romero why I won’t legally change their names.”

He nods and says. “If that’s what you want, yes, I can go with that.”

“Are you disappointed?”

“A little, but,” he exhaled. “your reasoning is sound and I do understand why. It’s important to you and to him.”
She inhaled and then asked. “And then, there’s Luca.”

He glances at her. “What about him?”

She inhales and says. “I know that you still love Grace,” he nods. “I understand and I respect that. It’s just, my children remember him and they want to talk about him. Will that bother you?”

He exhaled deeply as he thought on it. “A little, but…I’ll get over it.” Kate leaned forward and kissed him on the corner of his mouth. He smiled at her before asking. “What about the family pictures?”

“We’ll put them on the mantelpiece, together. The portraits,” she licks her lips. “our wedding day and the family one with you, Grace and Charlie.”

“I can put that one in Charlie’s room. Your wedding portrait,” he thought on it and then said. “Angela’s room, maybe?”

she nods. “Yes. She remembers him, Luna doesn't really.”

He studies her and then says. “Nothing in our bedrooms. I won’t have Changretta looking at me when I have you,” she laughed faintly. “and I’m sure, you don’t want Grace staring back at you.”

“No, I would not.” She was silent before saying. “What you said about Luca today---

“I’m sorry.” He said. “I was frustrated---

“I’m aware and I understand what you were saying, especially after you put me on your horse.” She paused. “What’s his name? The horse.”

“Obsidian.”

She nods. “Obsidian. In future, no criticizing Luca or how he loved me.” She said firmly. “I may seem softer, more fragile than I was when I was married to you. But that’s because I didn’t need my guard to be up, I didn’t need to be strong because he knew what I’d been through.” Thomas nodded. “I love and treasure those years very much. Just as you treasure and loved those years that you had with Grace. Our previous spouses made us who we are now. You shaped yourself for me and my children, I need time to shape and adjust for you. Charlie, it’s all good, but,” she inhaled as she squeezed his hands a little tighter. “I do remember neglecting you.”

He shook his head. “You didn’t neglect me---

“I did.” She said quietly. “And it’s alright to acknowledge the past. You don’t like to ask for comfort, but you crave it.” He exhaled guiltily. “Your sought it much more sexually, less emotionally, but…that changes.” She held his gaze. “Another reason I need time is because I need time to learn about you again. You, you had a head start with your very clever pursuit of me.” He chuckled faintly. “So, give me a little bit of time to learn about you, your needs and to give you the support that you need.”

“I don’t require much Kate.” He said. “I just need you. You’re all I want.”

“And I want to make sure that I’m in a position to give you that support. The one thing, I always felt guilty about was how your feelings were ignored, not just by me but by your family.” She inhaled as he caressed her face. “You’ve always got this dark side to you, Thomas. I want to know and understand that side as best as I can.”

He exhaled and said. “I’m not good at letting you or anyone else close.”

“I know, but…will you let me try?”

“Yeah, I will.” He nodded. “Yes.”

She studied him and whispered. “Ten years. You’ve honestly…been in love with me for ten years?”

“Yes.” He exhaled as he gripped her hand. “I know, that if this doesn’t work out that there’s every chance that I’ll have to bear this all over again…but, I don’t mind the risk, cause it’s with you.”

“Well,” she says quietly. “if it doesn’t….I don’t think I’ll go anywhere.”

He arches a brow. “Is that so?”

“You saw to that.” She said with a faint smile on her face. “The children are attached to you, I’m attached to Charlie. If we don’t marry, things could always go on as they are.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not settling for half Kate. I told Arthur today that I could settle for part of you, but I can’t. I want all of you.” She flushed at his words. “I want every inch of you. I want those kids. I can’t have it part time. I don’t want half a marriage, half a love or half a family. I want it all.”

He leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers. “We’ll have to talk about the courting process. Even though we’ve been married before, but… I still don’t know much about you, as much as we should.” He caressed her face. “So, if we go ahead…you’re going to have to start off slowly.”

He exhales deeply. “Slowly? F**king hell Kate, you’re going to kill me if I have to go much slower than this.”

“I know, you’re not a man for patience,” she said quietly. “and you’re going to do your best, but I know damn well that you’re going to lose your head a few times.”

“Many times.” He said. “Especially now that I know you feel the same about me.”

She laughed as he kissed her neck lightly. “Ah, uhm, Tommy.” God, he could still make her head spin. “We, we need to talk about, rules and,” he bit her just below her ear. “oh, God!” he laughed against her skin, causing her body to heat. God, it was tempting, but no, not today and certainly not out here. Hey,” she gripped him by the hair and pulled him away from her neck. “you can try to get into my bed all you want Thomas Shelby…but you’re not having sex with me, until I say you can. Understand?”

the man had the audacity to grin at her. “There you are. I missed you.” He cupped her face in his hands. “I missed the fire in you. I don’t mind the sweet Kate, but a man needs some heat to warm the blood.”

She held his gaze and then said quietly. “I have…a concern.”

He nods as she releases his head. “The sex?”

“Yes.” She exhaled  as she confessed. “I-I can’t lie, I, the…idea of you and me again,” she shakes her head as a tear trickles down her cheek. “God, it scares me a bit, Thomas!”

“Kate,” he sat closer to her. “I won’t hurt you like that. You are so special to me. I know, you have no reason to trust me because of what I was. But,” he studied her. “does any part of you trust the man that I am now?” 

“In my heart,” she inhales. “I know, that you won’t hurt me like that again. But… I still remember…my body remembers.” She shook her head. “God, you hurt me so much that first time!”

“I know, I know!” he pulls her close. “God, I can’t believe what I did to you at times. If you wanted me taken and out and horsewhipped, I’d understand it. It would be nothing less than what I deserved.”

she inhaled before stating. “Not horsewhipped, I know what that feels like and I wouldn’t wish that on you.”

“Oh, f**k,” he held tighter onto her. “Kate, I’m sorry. I'm sorry. I know, there aren't enough words to express the regret I feel about forcing you, the pain I put on you, the way I treated you. I was barely better than Sabini.”

She inhaled before saying. “All I ask, is that when it gets to that night…that you have something planned out. You’re going to have to be patient with me, because I do remember how you’d handle me and I had nearly years with a man who’d take his time. Sometimes, I think he enjoyed the seduction more than the love making itself.”

He nodded. “It’ll be everything that you should have had the first time. There’ll be no crying and I’ll love you as I should have loved you back then. I'll take my time, I'll go as fast or as slow as you want. I want to see you smile at me when I'm done with you.”

She bit her lip before saying. “I won’t say how he did it, I want you to love me in your way, but, I do want you to know this.” She pulled back and held his gaze. “I don’t mind sex, I enjoy it, but I don’t like to be f**ked.” He nods. “Unless, we’re having an argument and that moment takes a turn that way, then by all means you can f**k me Thomas. You can f**k me as hard as you want, but pay attention to me.”

“I will.” He swears. “I won’t hurt you again, I promise.”

“I love….making love. I’ve never claimed to be a beautiful woman, especially with all my scars---

“You’re beautiful. You’ve always been beautiful Kate. I know,” he inhaled. “that you didn’t let me see you fully, I hope that with time, that when you’re comfortable with me, that you’ll let me see all of you.” He hesitated before stating. “I’ve a confession.”

She pauses and asks cautiously. “What is it?”

He exhaled. “I saw the photo album.” She frowned. “The one you showed Ada. Your wedding album.”

Kate gasped in shock as she jolted. “Thomas! Did you see---

“Yes, I did.” He said without an ounce of shame on his face. "I had no idea that you'd allow Changretta to photograph you like that."

She blushed violently. “Thomas, those were private!”

“I know,” he said. “however, I realized that Changretta brought out a side of you that I never got to see. You shared yourself fully with him, but not with me and that’s alright. But I needed to see that you deserved a better man than I was at the time. Without those photos…I certainly wouldn’t be the man I am now.”

She exhaled deeply and said. “I’m glad that, they served a purpose, but, that was a violation of my privacy.”

“Will you forgive me?”

she nods. “Yes.” She bit her lip and asked. “How’d you get them?”

“You left them on the table. I sat there and looked at them.” He looked her top to bottom, clearly envisioning her naked. “You looked….absolutely gorgeous.” She blushed and shook her head. “I’m serious Kate. You must have given the developer quite the shock.”

“Luca developed the photos.” She said. “He said, I was meant for his eyes only.”

He nods. “That’s true.” He studied her and said. “You were comfortable enough with him to do things that you hated. Such as being on your knees.”

"I won't ask how you even knew that, but," she shakes her head and says. “you’ll get your day Thomas. It’ll come.”

He exhales and nods. “Yeah.” He looks up at the sky. “I should get you back. There’s more rain coming.”

“Alright.” She took his hand and let him pull her up from the damp grass. He threw his coat over his arm before walking back to Obsidian. She bit her lip and she said. “Actually, I have one last concern Thomas.”

“Yes?”

she inhaled and stated her final concern. “The philandering.” He nods. “I let you cheat on me many times, but this time…if you cheat on me with anyone, I swear to God that I will cut off your f**king balls!”

his brow arches in surprise as he says with a half-smile on his face. “I am never, ever, going to cheat on you, Kate.”

“How can I trust you on that?” She asked him plainly. “You went to Lizzie and then when you had Lizzie, you looked elsewhere.” She inhaled. “I am not going to hold all your times with Lizzie, but it was just the one time that really, really hurt me. Now, you’re in love with me, but, how do I know that I’m enough for you? What assurances do I have? That’s a lot of trust that you’re asking me to place in you and this is the one thing that I will have a hard time believing with you. Because, I was enough for him…am I enough for you?”

“You are. And you can believe me” he exhales and said. “because I had a prenuptial agreement drawn up.” He cleared his throat. “It’s in the library, I want you to review the final draft. But it states that if I ever cheat on you while we’re married, you get everything I own. 100% of it.”

She froze and stared at him. “Excuse me?”

“Everything,” he said simply. “including the Shelby Company Limited and all other assets. Everything that I ever built, goes directly to you when you go to divorce me again. Charlie will inherit nothing.”

She stared at him before half-shouting. “Are you insane?! You’re not even protecting Charlie!!”

“I am protecting Charlie because I know for a fact that I am not going to cheat on you Kate. As a result, you will never, ever get your hands on everything I own.” 

She stared at him. “You’re that sure about this? About me?”

“Yes.” He said as he held her gaze. “I had ten years…I know that no one else can or will ever compare to you. I have you now…I don’t want or need anyone else, because it’s been you that I’ve been wanting all those years.”

She bites her lip and then asks. “What if I cheat on you again?”

“You won’t, but that will make that contract invalid if you do. Everything goes back to me.” He exhaled. “That, I think, should be enough to ensure my fidelity to you, not for me, but for you. You’re worth more to me than anything I own and if I cheat on you again, I deserve to lose everything.”

She exhales as she says. “Then you better not do anything stupid, Thomas.”

“I won’t. I do want to discuss terms about what you’d get if we do agree to part by mutual consent.” He stepped forward. “Lizzie and I…it got to the point where I couldn’t even look at her. We slept in separate rooms for half of our marriage.”

“She told me.” She inhaled. “She said, you never stopped blaming her for me going away.”

“I never stopped blaming myself and every time I saw her, I was reminded how it was my fault that I lost you. I’ve seen what life is like without you in it and I don’t want to go through that again.” He reached for her and tugged her towards him. “I love you Kate, I want to make a life with you. I’m not going to jeopardize that life.”

She inhaled and whispered. “When we get back…you’ll have to tell the children that I said yes.”

He blinked. “Yes to what?”

She chuckled as she turned and hopped on the horse. “You’re a clever man Thomas Michael Shelby, figure it out.”

He instantly pulled her back down off the horse. “You’re saying yes…to the whole thing with me?” she nods. “Including the marriage?”

She bit her lip. “Six months might be a bit early, but yes,” he went to kiss her again but she put her hand on his mouth as she said hastily. “I want a proper proposal! You owe me that!” He nodded. "And I want to be asked, not ordered!"

“I’ll propose,” he said as he shrugged her hand off his mouth. “and you better f**king say yes to me.”

He kissed her and she held onto him. She would when he asked, she was certain that she would marry this man. It had taken a decade to get here, but it had been well worth the tears. And now, with the looming excitement of their future together, they were both finally ready to love and to be loved again. 

Chapter 150: His final test

Three months later, august 1936

---

“Right,” Thomas said loudly. “everyone, in the car! Now!” he turned and hollered up the stairs. “Kate, I need that pretty little arse of yours downstairs in five minutes!”

“Shelby,” She hollered back down the stairs. “if you want me to look good for the theatre, shut up and let me get dressed in peace!”

He shakes his head as he smiles. F**king hell, she was always utterly fascinating when she was feeling a little spicy. It had been three months into the courting and it was all going very well. He and Kate had a settled into a preview of ‘married life’ and all was going well. The children had adapted very quickly to the idea of there being a family, even Luciano had adjusted. Luciano did need time to understand that Kate and Tommy were being playful when they talked like this and not arguing with each other. It was a little confusing for them, as Kate and Luca didn’t have this type of relationship. But when Kate and Tommy were laughing at each other, they soon realized that it was just their way of being affectionate with each other.

They were starting to learn more about each other. Kate, oh, she loved talking. She could sit there for hours talking to him, asking him about himself attempting to get into his head. It was hard, he had to admit it, but she was good at getting him to talk, mostly because she was so patient, gentle and warm with him. She didn’t demand that he let her in. She’d ask him a question. She always had this talent of reading him by touch. Sometimes it could be a touch or a simple glance and she could read exactly what was going on inside his head. If he couldn’t verbally talk about it, she’d ask him to nod or shake his head and she’d never ask him to elaborate. It was as if she was playing a guessing game as to what lay behind each door in his past, but she didn’t mind. 

Polly, true to her word, she hadn’t spoken to him. Arthur and Ada tried, but they too were cut off from her. She’d cool down eventually, but he hoped that it would be soon because he really wanted to share just how truly special Kate was. She’d filled his house and his life with such joy. He couldn’t believe just how much he needed her in his life and they grew closer than before. He started to realize what drew her to Changretta in the first place. Kate liked attention, not necessarily physical, but emotional. She liked to be listened to and she liked to be held. He soon learned her favorite hold was a protective hold with one arm around her waist and one around her shoulders. She always relaxed in that position, probably because she felt safe and secure in that position.

“Shelby!” he turned and looked at the stairs to see Kate standing there, wrapped up tightly in a green velvet dress, one hand on her hip, her lips covered in red lipstick and her hair down around her shoulders. “Will I do?” his sassy little minx asked, a silver purse in her gloved hand.

He inhales and says. “Oh, you’ll do fine Mrs. Shelby.”

“That’s Changretta to you.” She chuckled as she sashayed down the stairs, her hips swaying back and forth. “I mean after all,” she says as she passes him by without a look. “I’m not your wife yet.”

He shakes his head as he exhaled. God, he could hardly wait to marry this woman. All her teasing, her flirting, it was all back and he loved it! Words could not explain just how much he loved it! No one ever bothered arguing with him apart from his family. But when Kate argued, it was different. He was always drawn to her when she was putting him in his place like the queen that she knew she was. Oh, he remembered the first time she’d thrown a book at his head. He didn’t remember the argument, but he remembered laughing at her, which made her even more angry! She’d stormed towards him, intent on strangling him when he caught her hands. Eventually, she broke and laughed along with him before he kissed her. Oh God! The kissing! It was now starting to get heated between them and he wasn’t sure if he could wait three more months to marry her! 

Thomas offered her his hand, which she took as he gently, yet directly guided her down the steps into his car. The kids were arguing over who they wanted to sign their playbill of ‘Blackbird’ which he and Kate ignored. He got her into the car and innocently caressed her leg while pretending to be helping her tuck her dress in. Kate shook her head and playfully batted at his hand. He closed the door and then hurried around the driver’s side. For family events, they didn’t bother with a chauffeur, he drove them.

As he pulled away from the curb, Kate placed her hand near his knee as she asked. “Ever think you’d get stuck in a car full of five screaming children?”

he shakes his head. “No, but,” he smiles at her. “I’d say, their mother makes it all worth while.”

“Hmm, she must be as special woman if you want to put up with all this noise.”

He shakes his head as he takes her hand and holds onto her hand. “Well, I love her very much and I’m hoping one day, in three months,” he shoots her a look. “she’ll put me out of my misery and let me marry her.”

“Hmm,” she looks away from him. “maybe she needs to a little more persuasion.”

He nods and mutters low enough for her to hear. “Let’s see how much persuasion she can take at intermission.”

---

Intermission,

---

Oh, tonight was going to be the night. She knew it the moment she came downstairs and saw Thomas standing there, looking so handsome in his black and white suit. Who the hell was she kidding!? That man was ALWAYS way more attractive than he had any right to be. She’d known she was getting close when last month she bought a green, silken negligee and robe set. Her initial thought that it would be for her wedding night with him. But it was rapidly becoming clearer that she was going to wind up in bed with Thomas before he had a chance to propose to her. And she could tell that he wanted to propose to her. She could see it in his eyes that he was starting to get more and more desperate.  

She stepped back into the box after a quick visit to the powder room. She loved this dress, it fit her well while hiding her stomach. Thomas had asked that she not spend as often in the kitchen because he wanted to spend more time with her and their family. She agreed only after he promised not to skip anymore meals and join them for each meal. So, Monday through Thursday, cook took care of the meals. Friday to Sunday, were her days to cook. While she’d missed cooking at first, she did enjoy being able to go relax right away.

She walked into their box to see Thomas waiting for her to come back. She smiled as she asked innocently. “Where are the kids?”

“Gave them each a few shillings, told Charlie to take them down for a few treats.” 

She smiled as he stood up. “And you didn’t want anything?" She was teasing, he'd already told her that he intended to be a little romantic with her while the children were gone.

“Oh, I know what I want.” He said as he walked up to her and placed his hands on her waist. “I’m holding it now.”

“Is that so?” he ignored her as he kissed her deeply. She let out a sigh as she draped her arms around his neck. After a few kisses, she said. “Careful, I just came from the powder room.”

“Can’t have you looking a mess then.” He said as he ran his thumb under her lip, carefully tidying up the smudged lipstick. She smiled at him as he began kissing her chin and moving down to her neck. She shivered as he kissed her shoulder, yet his lips moved down to her collarbone…then lower to where her breast was peaking up.

She inhaled and stuttered out. “T-Tommy?” Thomas spun her around and Kate let out a gasp as he pulled her behind the curtain, away from any spying eyes. His lips traveled down her neck to her back. “Oh God!”

“Shh, sweetheart,” he said as he ran his hand up to cup her breast in his hand. “not so loud,” she let out a whine as he groped her breast through the rich, emerald green velvet. “not so loud sweetheart! Need to hear when the kids are coming back.”

“T-Tommy.” She begged as his lips continued down her back. He undid a button on the back of her dress, allowing his lips to go even further. “No, not here.” If he was going to make love to her, it wasn’t going to be fast or in public. Not for their first time in nearly 10 years. She inhaled before stating the words he’d been waiting three months to hear. “Wait for tonight.” His lips paused on her lower back. She inhaled as her heart pounded in her chest. “Tonight. When we're alone together.”

He turned her towards him and her heart expanded with love as she looked at him. He inhaled and he shook his head as he realized what she was asking of him. “No. Kate---

“Tommy---

“No,” he shook his head. “not tonight.”

“Yes, tonight.”

He inhales. “Kate, do you have any idea what you’re asking? We’ve got the kids all here and---

“I know.” She whispered against his lips. “So, tonight…you’re going to figure out, how you’re going to get us out of going home because…I am not getting into bed with you, for the first time…with our children right down the hall.”

“Kate---

“I thought,” she inhaled as she whispered. “that this might happen when I bought this dress. So…I bought something for tonight---

“Kate,” he begged. “please---

“Which you might not get to see…if you can’t get me out of the house. It’s silk, Tommy, the very best.” The children came back into the box and Kate whispered. “The offer is only good for tonight.” He inhaled sharply. “If you can’t pull it off,” she leaned over and whispered in his ear. “I’ll go to bed….naked, alone...and you'll have to wait until I'm in the mood again.”

He exhaled sharply as he said. “Kate, I swear to God, if you f**king planned this---

she turned towards Charlie who had a peach soda in his hand. “Here you go Mom.”

“Thank you Charlie, that’s very sweet of you.” She smiled at him before addressing everyone else. “Did all of you find something tonight?”

“Yes!” 

Kate laughed, as she moved to get back in her seat, casually bumping Thomas with her hip. She smiled as he sat there, drumming his fingers in frustration. She loved teasing him like this, just to the edge of irritation. After a few minutes he stood up and said. “I’ll be back. Let me know if I miss anything.”

Kate nodded. “Alright Tommy.” She turned back to the kids. “Everyone enjoying the show?”

There was a mix of opinions. The girls loved it. The boys didn’t care for some of it, but they did like the music. Thomas missed the first five minutes of the second act. He came back and firmly gripped her hand in his, not letting go except to applaud for the actors at the end of the show. Then, he impatiently herded everyone into the car. Once inside the car, he made an announcement as they pulled away from the Adelphi Theater.

“Alright, all of you,” he said. “listen up. Your mother and I were talking and she says that she wasn’t tired tonight. There’s a jazz club that she’s wanted to check out for a while.” She had no clue what he was talking  about. “I called aunt Ada in the theater,” he finally looked at her and she knew that this was meant for her. “she should already be there with Karl and Elizabeth. She’ll stay the night. The club,” he looked into the mirror so the kids could see her. “is on the far side of London and it runs late. So, we’ll be back tomorrow morning, alright?”

the kids all objected, except for Charlie who had probably already guessed what was going on by the look in his father’s eyes and the flush on her cheeks. She was a little apprehensive and nervous, but she trusted Thomas. Tonight was the night, she’d finally tell him if she would or would not accept his offer of marriage to be Mrs. Thomas Shelby. His entire future with her depended on how he took her to bed and made love to her. This was his final test and she prayed to God that he didn’t f**k it up like before.

---

Chapter 151: Honeymoon suite

Thomas’s hands were shaking as he and Kate were shown up to their room. He’d called ahead and asked if the honeymoon suite was available. Fortunately for him, it was. He told them they a little bit more than an hour to get that room set up for him and his wife. F**king hell, he’d nearly had another seizure when Kate said that she wanted to be with him tonight. He should have known when she came down those stairs tonight looking as forbidden as hell. God, she was beautiful, she was so beautiful. But why the hell did that daft woman chose for it to be last minute?? He had practically no time to get this in order and his mind had raced during the play in case he forgot anything. 

They’d gotten home to his London house to see that indeed, Ada had gotten her children settled and Kate had helped get theirs settled. He’d gotten a suitcase and thrown a suit in for the morning. He’d bumped into Ada and she’d cheekily asked when he was going to make an honest woman out of Kate. He didn’t bothering answering her, this was Kate and he’d been fantasizing about having her for years. Kate came out of the room with a bag in one hand and day dress in the other. He put the day dress in his suitcase, taken her hand and walked her out of the house without a word.

They didn’t say a damn word to each other in the car, so the tension between them kept building and building with each second. Fortunately, the hotel was only fifteen minutes from the house and they were ready for him when he showed up. He and Kate were immediately taken up to their room. He’d requested flowers and candles in the room because that’s what she deserved the first time and they’d delivered. Kate had inhaled sharply as she walked into their room. The bedroom was full of lit candles and bouquets of rich, red roses. He could see the tears in her eyes as she inhaled their scent. After tipping the bellboy, he locked the door before following her into the bedroom. Oh yes, this was perfect for a young honeymooning couple. Granted, they weren’t on their honeymoon and this had cost him extra, but she deserved this, especially after everything he put her through the first time.

He locked the door behind him and she went still. He studied her; she was a little on edge. “Are you alright?”

She nodded her head. “Yes.” He moved towards her and she stepped away from him. “I’ll be back.”

He nodded. “Right.”

She was nervous, he could see that in the way she moved away from him towards the bathroom. The door clicked shut and then she turned the lock in the door. He shook his head, a smile on his face as he undid his tie and deposited it on the couch. It wasn’t like they hadn’t done this before. He’d had sex with her many times during their marriage and he sincerely doubted that tonight would be any different than before. He removed his coat and started removing what things he could like his shoes and socks. He stripped out of his vest, suspenders and undid his shirt so it hung open. He had a thought and removed his undershirt before pulling his shirt back on. Kate, had always had a fascination for tattoos. 

After drawing the curtains closed, he turned down the bed covers and surveyed the room. He decided on champagne for later. Kate would be exhausted when he was done with her and in need of refreshment if she was able to partake in it. There was a small spread of food as well, bread, cured meats, cheese and strawberries. The bathroom door finally opened and he turned towards her. F**king hell, his heart stopped at the sight of her. 

Good God, she was absolutely beautiful. She hadn’t been exaggerating as she came out in this silken green robe trimmed with fur. She stilled when she saw him for a moment and they stood there staring at each other. Oh, she was going to make this hard on him.  She always did and the thing about Kate was, she enjoyed it. She enjoyed pushing him to the absolute limit and seeing if his head could handle it. No other woman had ever driven him to the point of madness in this manner. Her, moreover than other because she's waited 10 years for this moment.

She smiled faintly at him before walking away to lay her dress on a nearby chair. He spotted her slip under the dress, which tattled she’d removed half of her undergarments. She turned towards him, her face turning pinker with each passing moment. For a moment, they stood there looking at each other. He’d planned out his seduction of her a while ago, but now…the plans went out of his f**king head. He couldn’t remember a damn thing. 

He studied her and gestured for her to over to the bed. “Come here sweetheart.” She did, walking slowly over to him with her barefoot padding softly on the carpet. He exhaled deeply, studying her as she stood in front of him. Her hands were folded, clearly showing that she was trying to hide just how nervous she was. She wanted him, but she was still scared too. He didn’t blame her. She’d talked about what it had felt like the first she’d been with him and he’d hurt her. Changretta, he’d been soft, slow and tender with her. But he wasn’t Changretta. He kissed her lightly on the lips a few times before asking her. “How do you want it?”

she bit her red lips and said softly. “I’m not telling you.” He looked at her in surprise as her gaze dropped. “You can do as you please to me, Tommy and I’ll let you.” Ok, that wasn’t like her. She wasn’t so submissive as a rule, especially when she was scared. “Your body can’t hide what kind of man you are and I need to know exactly what you are.”

He had a feeling that this was a test somehow, he wasn’t quite sure how it could be one. he studied her for a minute before nodding at her. “Alright.” 

As he undid her robe, he noted that his hands were shaking. Why the hell was HE nervous? Yes, it had been a while, but they’d done it before. It was only when he removed the robe, revealing her in this beautiful green garment that he realized that this would be nothing like their other times. Oh, she’d blossomed into an even more beautiful version of herself. Motherhood had done wonders for her breasts and that weight had gone down to her hips. He placed his hands on her waist and pulled her towards him. She inhaled sharply as she licked her lips. Christ, why was she so f**king beautiful?

He grabbed her around the waist, slowly running his hands down her full hips. She shivered as his hands caressed her through the silk. He glanced at her as she bit her red lips. “You wearing anything under this, sweetheart?”

She shook her head as she croaked. “No.” 

He hadn’t thought she was. He didn’t feel any lines under his hands. F**k, she was naked under this dress. He inhaled, forcing himself to go slow. He’d promised himself that he’d make love to her and he intended to do just that without killing himself in the process. This was when he realized that this was a test. She was throwing everything at him that would normally have caused him to lose control around her. Yes, those years ago, he’d have thrown her on the bed, pulled this silk up to her waist, thrust into her and f**ked her hard. But that was many years ago. He was different, as was she. Not to mention, she told him what she liked, he knew what she wanted. 

He turned and guided her to sit down on the edge of the bed. She inhaled shakily, her beautiful face looked so torn between fear and desire. “Hey,” he said gently, prompting her to look at him. “I won’t hurt you sweetheart. You can trust me.”

She inhaled as she whispered. “I know…I’m trying.”

She was a little scared, but her trust was stronger than her fear.He sat down beside her and kissed her. She let out a faint whimper against his lips, but she leaned into the kiss. He didn’t do anything, he just sat there kissing her. Bit by bit, he felt her relax and respond to his attentions. He wrapped an arm around her waist and tugged her into his lap. She broke the kiss to look down at him in surprise. He nodded at her, his hands cupping her thighs as she straddled him. “Can I touch you, sweetheart?”

She nodded. “Y-yes Tommy.”

He ran his hands under the silk, pushing the silk up to expose her creamy thighs to his gaze. He’d bring her to orgasm first, then see if he could get her out of this beautiful invention. As he leaned forward to kiss her, he said. “You can touch me too Kate.”

She cupped his face in her hands and returned the kisses. Slowly, he ran his right down her hip, passing lightly over her back passage, which caused her to twitch in surprise. She broke the kiss and looked at him as he slid his arm between her parted thighs. She clearly didn’t understand what he was doing and that was good, he wanted to be still be able to surprise her.
“Arch your hips up.” He told her gently.

She did as he asked, a look of curiosity on her face. “What are you,” he slid two fingers into her and her eyes bulged. “oh!” she grabbed ahold of his shoulders. “Oh, God!” f**k, she was still exquisite after all this time. Unlike before, she’d been wet and ready for his fingers and her walls shook around him. She groaned as he held her in place, making her ride his fingers. “Oh!” he didn’t have her take his fingers too deep at first, he wanted to prepare her properly this time. She pushed his shirt off his shoulders, her fingers carefully tracing the muscles in his back. 

He waited, kissing her until she was panting lightly against his lips. He listened, waiting until he could hear that she was wet enough before making her take his fingers fully. When she did…she broke the kiss, threw her head back and let out a cry. Oh! He was so glad that he had his arm wrapped around her trembling thighs. He brought his other hand up long enough to pull the left shoulder of her garment down to expose her neck fully.

“T-Tommy,” he latched onto her neck, causing her to clench tighter around his fingers as he bit that spot under her neck. “Tommy!”

he nodded as he encouraged her. “You’re close, you’re close for me. Come for me sweetheart.” She bit her lip and shook her head stubbornly. He laughed faintly at her, oh, she wanted to prolong this, but he wouldn’t have it. “You will. You have a long night, ahead of you.”

Those words broke her.

Kate tensed and then she came with a cry, liquids dripping down his fingers to the palm of his hand. Oh, he was throbbing and aching to take her right now. God, he wanted to move slow with her, but it had been ten long years. He lifted her up, his fingers still deep inside her and placed her in the center of the bed. God, he felt like he was going to explode. She lay there whimpering as he placed a hand on her knee, carefully pushing that slippery silk up to her stomach. Unable to stop himself, he pressed a kiss to her inner thigh before burying his face in between her legs and taking a long drink of her. Kate instantly shrieked and arched her back, nearly snapping it in two as he tasted her.

Ah, she was sweet, sweeter than honey. He brought his head up from between her legs to see her fisting the sheets above her head tightly in her hands. He undid his trousers and shorts as quickly as his shaking hands allowed. She was still reeling from the orgasm and she was drenched. 

He began carefully kissing his way up her body, moving slowly up from her thighs, to her stomach and to her breasts. He drew her nightdress up, clearing a path for his lips to taste her skin. She lay there, whimpering and trembling as he finally pulled that nightdress off her so he could see her naked for the first time. He glanced at her face, seeing if it was alright with her, but her eyes were closed, revealing just how entranced she was. God, sex had never been like this with her before and he wasn’t even inside her! He set the nightdress aside and kept kissing his way up her chest and then finally he planted a kiss in her shoulder.

She let out a faint sigh and moaned his name. “Tommy.”

“Kate,” he said gently as he gazed down at the most beautiful woman he’d ever been blessed to have and she was finally his. “look at me.” Her eyelids fluttered open. He didn’t say anything to her, but he could see in her eyes that she knew. She knew what he was about to do. She inhaled shakily and ran her hands up his forearms to his neck to twine her hands in his hair. He shivered as he asked her. “Are you ready Kate?”

she nodded, tears in her eyes as she said. “Yes. Yes Tommy.”

His heart started pounding in his throat as he confirmed. “Are you sure this time?”

She nodded as she said. “Yes, Tommy!”

With that he inhaled and slid into her warmth for the first time in ten years. He was not expecting the outburst of emotions that erupted inside him at that moment as reality hit him and it hit him hard.

---

Chapter 152: Wrapped in white satin

Are you ready? He’d asked. Are you sure this time?

Yes. She had been, or at least she thought she had. Thomas, he’d been…beyond amazing. No, he wasn’t Luca, but that was alright. She loved Tommy for who he was. While he was not a very patient man, he’d shown remarkable strength tonight. Oh, the way he looked at her when she’d come out of the bath, as if she were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen in his life. She shivered, remembering how her entire body had flooded with heat with just a single look. When he asked her to come to him…those little words were enough for her to get wet for him. She’d been surprised by him asking her how she wanted it. She wanted him to make love to her…but she’d told him already what she did or did not like. If he was going to make love with her for the rest of their days, he needed to instinctually take care of her.

And he did. He’d moved slow, kissing her, tasting her and noting her reactions. She’d been a little uneasy because she’d had four children since she’d last been with him and her body had changed. Thomas, he still had the same lean physique and he was still dashingly handsome, especially with the strands of gray hair. However, he stared at her with the same lust, no, not lust. He’d looked at her with lust years ago. This look…was more than being described as cheaply as lust. There was heat, warmth, desire, admiration and love…oh, so much love in his eyes for her. His touch, while being somewhat gentle, was firm and explorative. Thomas wasn’t a very gentle man by nature, but while he was capable of such emotions, he was possessive. Now that she’d gotten to know him, the real him as best as she could, she knew about his many losses, his time in the war, cheating death so many times. That took a toll on a man, which made him inclined to hold on tighter…and she wanted to be held tightly. 

He’d told her to trust him and she had. She’d ignored the voices in her head and focused on him. The moment he kissed her…all those old doubts and fears vanished. He did something he hadn’t done before. He’d communicated with her. Asked if she was comfortable with his touch and he’d encouraged her to touch him. Truth was, she was aching to touch him, but she wanted to read him for a bit. He’d been attentive and thoughtful as he’d brought her to orgasm. God! He’d put her on the bed and slipped his tongue between her legs. She hadn’t expected that from him. He’d never, NEVER given her pleasure like that before taking his own. She could feel that he wanted to be inside her. He was hard, yet he’d ignored his natural urge to claim her. He’d kissed his way up her body so gently that Kate hadn’t even realized that he’d stripped her naked until she felt him against her entrance. 

This time, instead of just plunging inside her and taking her, he’d asked if she was ready. Oh, her heart had just melted and tears had filled her eyes as she granted him permission to have her. She’d held her breath as Thomas entered her for the first time in years. He hadn’t hurt her this time, he’d entered her slowly, but she’d been unable to keep a whine from escaping her lips. Ohhh, she’d forgotten how good he felt inside her. As he filled and stretched her, she realized that a part of her had missed being with him. On the rare occasions when he’d been good and loving toward her, it had been wonderful, if even they were together for the wrong reasons at the time. But this… she hadn’t been expecting this. She wasn’t expecting to be shocked at how wonderful he felt inside her and she’d clung to him tightly as he held onto her. 

“Oh God!” Kate looked up at Thomas as he exhaled shakily. “Oh my f**king God!” she wasn’t expecting that, to see him completely overcome and overwhelmed by her presence. Yes, they loved each other, but he had waited for more than 10 years for this moment so he was very deeply affected by this moment. She was as well, but it was more of relief. For Tommy, it was a realization that she was truly here and that she was his. She suspected that he’d be like this even after she let him marry her.

She reached up and caressed his face, trying to settle him. “Tommy?”

He kissed her the palm of her hand as he said. “F**k, you feel so beautiful like this.” Tears filled her eyes as he looked down at her, gently cupping her breast in his hand. “You’re so beautiful, Kate…every f**king inch of you.” 

“Tommy, please---

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

she shook her head. “No.”

“Then why are you crying, sweetheart?” He asked. “I don’t want you to cry anymore.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just…that the whole time we were married… you never called me beautiful. This,” she shook her head as she explained. “it was the first time you’ve said it to me in bed.”

“It’s the first time I’ve ever seen you.” She bites her lip as he looks over her, gently touching the cigarette burns and scars from the knives. He exhaled. “No matter what they tried…they couldn’t mar your beauty with fire and blades.”

She shook her head. “God, you’ve been reading poetry again, haven’t you?”

He nods. “A little bit.”

She smiled at him as she declared. “I love you, Tommy Shelby.” 

“I love you too.” He smiled faintly before leaning forward and  kissed her deeply. Kate let out a moan as she draped her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, holding onto her as if he feared that this was all a dream and he’d wake up to find her gone. She let out a groan against his lips as she felt this…anxiety radiate from within him. He was kissing her as he started to move inside her. She smiled as he cupped her face in his hand. He moved slowly, taking his time and Kate realized…that she wanted more. She genuinely wanted more from him.

She broke the kiss and rasped against his lips. “Tommy,” he paused, clearly making sure that she was alright. “take me. Please.”

He looked confused. “I don’t---

“More.”

He frowns. “No. Kate, it’s our first time, I don’t want to---

“It doesn’t feel like us. It doesn’t feel like you.” He said nothing as he looked at her with those blue eyes of his. “Tommy, I trust you.” He studied her as she ran her hand down his shoulder, down his chest, to his stomach…and lower. He let out a loud sound as she held him in her hand, gently squeezing him while maintaining eye contact. She could see that his resolve was hanging by a thread. He could make love to her another night. He’d been so gentle and sweet with her up to this moment, but she wanted to be with him tonight. “You make love to me as yourself. I want you, exactly as you are. Please.” She licked her lips and said softly as she maintained eye contact with him. “Don’t make me beg for your cock.”

His blue eyes blazed as his resolved snapped. 

Thomas cupped her face in his hand hands and he kissed her with a passion. She cried out as she ran a hand down his back to grab a firm hold of his hip as he began to thrust into her. He broke the kiss, keeping their faces fairly close and she knew that he was reading for any signs of her being in pain. Pain, was the last thing that she was feeling. Good God! Thomas, he always knew what he was doing and while he wasn’t quite making love to her, she felt loved by him. Maybe he was making love, just very passionately because that’s who he was. He’d never be a gentle giant like Luca and at this moment she realized that she didn’t want him to be. She wanted him to be Tommy Shelby, the man that she loved.

She grabbed a hold of him as she panted and cried for more from him. His hands explored her body as he parted her legs, rearranging them in order to take her deeper. Kate was digging her nails so deeply into his back that she could feel his skin giving way under her nails. He groaned and Kate matched his movements while maintaining eye contact with Thomas. She wasn’t as young as she was, but she was still flexible…somewhat. She brought her right leg up, draping it across his back, which caused his eyes to bulge.

“Kate? What are,” he groan. “f**k!”

“Tommy!!” She gasped out as she matched his thrusts while he pounded deliciously into her, hitting her in the right places. “Oh! Oh, God! Tommy! Don’t stop! Don’t,” he wrapped an arm around her waist, lifting her slightly from the mattress, still pounding into her. Dear God, he was strong! “oh, my God!!” she half-screamed as she grew close to coming. “Tommy!!

He kissed her, a hot open mouth kiss with his hand wound tightly in her hair, tilting her head upwards so he could claim her mouth. Every other part of her had been claimed. Her body was covered in little love bites and covered in kisses. His hands had been all over her body, exploring every inch of her that he could finally hold. She’d explored his body with as much passion as he bestowed on hers. Both their bodies were covered in a fine sheen of sweat. Thomas was gasping hard as he grew close. Right before he came, she brought her leg off his shoulder, shoved him onto his back and pinned him on the mattress.

Thomas placed his hands on her waist and pushed her down, making her take his cock completely just as he came inside her. She came at the exact moment with a cry as Thomas came with a curse. She pressed her hands into his, staring down at him as they both gasped for air. They sat there, for a long time until Thomas carefully turned so she as lying on her back. He ran his hands through her hair. She moaned limply as he kissed her neck, traveling down to her breast. She whimpered as he began lightly licking and nipping round her nipple.

She moaned as he withdrew from her and she found his hand. He intertwined her fingers with his as she closed her eyes, basking in the after glow. Oh, this was another thing he’d neglected with her, taking care of her afterwards, giving attention to her. He kept kissing her as if he were searching for any injuries that he may have caused so he could kiss them away. She ran her hands through his hair,  smile on her face. She couldn’t find the words, not yet, not when her heart was about to break out of her chest.

His lips traveled downwards to her stomach, causing her to moan. “T-Tommy? What are you---

“Shh,” he said gently. “I’m not done with you yet.”

She frowned through closed eyes. “What are…what do you---

“Shh,” he said quietly. “let me take care of you."

“What are you,” he threw her legs over his shoulders and she gasped as she realized his intent “oh! Oh, Tommy!”

“Shh,” he said as he parted her legs. “I've waited ten years for this.”

“Tommy.”

He dove between her legs with a groan. She instantly surrendered. She cried, laying there completely under his spell while Thomas pleasured her with his tongue and fingers. She whimpered, sobbed and begged for him as he held her in place, drinking from her until she came for the third time that night.

He exhaled as he looked down at her, his hair a wet and stringy mess. "My love."

"Tommy." She caressed his face when he was done with her, noting blood on her fingertips. “Oh, I cut you.”

"Didn't feel a thing." He kissed her before asking her. “Can I come in you,” she flushed. “so I don’t make mess on the sheets?” They were beautiful sheets, pure white satin and it’d be a shame. She could tell that he wouldn't make it to the bath in order to relieve himself.

She has no energy to help him, but she nods. “Yes.” Tommy slips into her, causing her to moan as she felt him inside her. “I-I think…I’m going to die.” He runs his hand down her cheek as she whispers. “Too much, Tommy. Too much.”

“Close your eyes.” He kissed her on the mouth. “I’ve got you my love.”

She shook her head as he moved gently inside her. “I love youTommy Shelby.” A tear trickled own her cheek as she held onto him. “Oh, how I love you.”

It didn’t take him too long to find his release. And when he did, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into him in a close embrace. One arm around her waist, the other around her shoulders as he pressed light kisses all over her neck. She sighed and snuggled close to him as he wrapped the tangled sheets around her. She was finally loved by him and she could tell that this man had a lot more love that he wanted to pour into her. It would be a long night for them both and she was looking forward to sharing every single second of it with him.

Chapter 153: Aftercare

Kate exhaled contentedly as Thomas held onto her. He’d been kissing her stomach, chest, neck and lips for what seemed like hours. His hands…oh, dear God, his hands! He kept touching her, frequently stroking her back, grabbing her hips and slipping his fingers between her legs. 

Kate gently smacked his hand. “Easy Shelby.”

“Sorry.” He removed his hand from her and she let out faint whine, which caused him to ask. “You ok?” 

“Yes,” she opened her eyes and looked up at him, a smile on her face. “I just wasn’t expecting you to get give up so easy.”
He laughs faintly before pulling her closer before stating. “Just wanted to make sure you’re alright.”

“I’m fine.” She assures him as she runs a finger up and down his nose. “Just getting a bit old for this Shelby.” 

He shakes his head with a laugh. “You’re not that old, you’re only forty-three.”

“Says the man who’ll be turning fifty in five years.” 

He rolls his eyes as he says. “Well, you look just as beautiful as you did back then.”

She shakes her head. “I’m not as attractive as I---

“Shut up Kate.” He said as he ran his fingers over her stomach rolls, causing her to blush. “F**k, you’re beautiful.”

She laughs lightly before saying. “You’re crazy Shelby. Very crazy.”

“You’re…delusional.” He said as he nibbled on her neck. She exhaled and closed her eyes. “F**k…I wish I could have seen you pregnant.”

She sighed and admitted sadly. “I wish…I was young enough to give you a baby. At least one.”

“Same.” He was silent before admitting. “I don’t have many regrets in this world. Then it comes to you and I have too f**king many.

“Stop it.” She said firmly. “No, don’t have any regrets. To regret that with me…you’d have never had Ruby.” She softened her voice and said. “I have a few pictures.”

“Still, would have loved to see you in person.” He said as he gaze lovingly down at her as he ran his hand up from her stomach to her breast. “F**k, I bet you looked amazing. Bet your f**king breasts looking amazing.”

“Tommy!” She shakes her head as she turns onto her side. “Oh, God, I should get dressed.”

“Don’t,” he grabbed her around his waist and pulled her into his lap. She shivered as she felt his length against her back passage. “say such stupid things. I’m not quite done with you yet.”

She shakes her head as he presses kisses to her neck, shoulders and back. “You’re insatiable…you always were.” He bites her shoulder blade. “Oh, God!” 

“Was…it as you remember?” he asked.

She shakes her head and smiles. “No, it certainly was not.”

He hesitated before asking quietly. “Was it…as you hoped it would be?” she exhaled. “I know, you wanted it slow and gentle but,” he shook his head. “I didn’t want to ruin it for you.”

“Tommy---

“I know, you said you wanted more, but, I should have---

“Done exactly as I asked.” Kate said as she turned onto her back and looked up at him. She saw a tinge of regret in his eyes. She couldn’t have that. “I’ll admit, you’re…not as gentle as him, but,” he studied her. “you never were that kind of man. There’s…an intensity that comes naturally to you. Without it…I might as well be sleeping with a stranger. It’s you I wanted Tommy, not who you were trying to be.”

“Just, trying to give you what you needed. Back then, I,” he ran his hand up and down her arm. “in a position to give you everything that you needed and you so much I want to make sure that I do.”

“You did.” she said softly as she ran her knuckles up and down his chest. “We were both very different people back then.” She bites her lip before adding. “We had a few good times together.”

he shook his head. “They should have all been good for you and I am sorry about that Kate.”

“Don’t think about it any more.” She kissed him gently to assure him. “you were perfect Tommy.” She let out a faint whimper as he cupped her breast in his hand, firmly massaging it. You have the rest of your life to make up for it.” 

“Do I?” he asked as he played with the silver chain with her engagement ring around her neck. She shook her head as he leaned forward to kiss her. She moaned as her arms circled around his neck. He got on top of her and she shivered, feeling his length against her entrance. After a few moments of kissing, be pulled away from her and said. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Tommy.” 

He slipped his hand between her damp and sticky thighs. She exhaled sharply and he glanced at her. She nodded. “Yes,” as he slid into her, she whispered. “make love to me, Tommy Shelby.” He kissed her and started moving, only to stop with a heavy exhale. She frowned. “Tommy? What is it?”

He was silent for a long time, then he shook his head and said. “I can’t, Kate.”

She froze, fear filling her. “W-what? Are you---

“Kate,” he placed a finger on her lips and said. “I can’t…make love to you because…I don’t want it to be like this, between us.”

She was only more and more confused. “I-I, I don’t----

“Kate, I love you and I know, we’d agreed to things, but, I can’t.”

She inhaled, tears filling her eyes as she whispered. “Tommy, you’re scaring me.”

“I don’t mean to.” He inhaled. “What I’m saying is…I love you and I want to make love to you in the best way that I know how. But,” he gripped the necklace round her neck and snapped the chain around her neck. Her heart stilled as she realized what he was getting around to doing. “I can’t, because I feel as if I’m not allowed to love you all the way…and I want to love you. I want to have the right to love you in the way,” he inhaled deeply before stating. “that a husband should love his wife.”

Tears trickled down her cheeks at his words. “Oh, Tommy.”

“The thing is,” he inhaled deeply, trying to gain control over his emotions. “I love you Kate. I ruined our marriage and I hurt you. As a result…I was sentenced to ten years in hell which I deserved. Each year, I spent cursing myself as I thought of you, how I’d lost the most beautiful and precious woman I’d known in my life. I tried to forget you,” he shook his head. “but damn it, you’re in my blood and I-I can’t get free of you! And I don’t want to be free of you. Stay.” He asked her so gently. “Stay with me. Marry me.” her heart jumped at those words. “Love me and let me love you with everything I can give you.” He ran his hand down to grip her hand in his. “Be the last woman I’ll ever have in my bed and heart. Be a mother to my child and let me be a father to yours.” He kissed her hand. “We’re already a family so…please, can we make it official?” she laughed faintly at that word as tears poured down her cheeks. “Will you let me be your husband Kate and will you be my wife?”

they’d agreed to wait three more months, but after that speech, she couldn’t. she nodded. “Yes.” he kissed her and she moaned as she clutched his face. God, she’d never thought she could be this happy again in her lifetime! It was strange how they’d both nearly missed each other in this lifetime. They’d both been given a second chance and somehow it had been gifted to them again and it had all come to be. She was gasping when he broke the kiss, his hands shaking in his eagerness to put that engagement ring on her finger. “Only you, Tommy Shelby,” She sniffled as she declared. “would propose in bed to me…with your cock buried deep inside me.”

he nods as he kisses her. “I’m sorry about that Kate.”

She shakes her head. “Stop….apologizing. I’ve agreed to marry you, haven’t I?”

He nods. “Yes.” He smiled as he kissed her again. “Yes, you have.”

“Good.” He exhaled as he ran his hand down her neck. “I’ll make love to you now. Would you like that?”

she smiled as she nodded. “Yes. Yes I would.”

“I’ll make love to you,” he promised. “every night for the rest of our lives if that’s what you want. Whatever you want, no matter how big or small, ask me for it and I’ll give it to you.”

“Just love me.” She said quietly. “That…was all I’ve ever wanted and I want to be loved.”

He nods as he swears. “I’ll love you Kate…and I’ll love you hard.”

He kissed her deeply and Kate breathed against his lips. “Make love to me. Please, Tommy.”

And he did. This time, with the anxiousness between the two of them fully spent Thomas was able to make love to her. And he was wonderful at it. He was so, so very good at making love to her. Oh, dear God the look of love in his eyes was almost too much to bear for he studied her so intensely. The connection, their closeness, the room, it made this whole evening so worth the getaway.

Afterwards, Thomas held her in his arms and asked. “Where do you want to go for your honeymoon?”

She exhaled and snuggled against his chest. “I’m happy, right here.”

He nods. “It’s a nice suite.”

“You’re arms,” she mumbled. “you idiot.”

He laughed lightly. “Ah, right.” She smiled as he kissed her head. After a few pecks he asked. “When do you want to get married?”

She exhaled and said. “I don’t know, first Sunday of next month?”

He nods. “Need a dress?”

She shook head. “I’ve got something that’ll suit.”

“A wedding dress?”

she shoots him a look. “A wedding dress? For my fourth marriage? No! I’ve got a suit that’ll do just fine.”

“Kate,” he said as he held her hand. “we didn’t get to marry properly…I’d like to have one wedding with you looking like a bride.”

“Fair point.” She yawns. “Nothing too fancy, alright?”

“Alright.” He kisses her again as she yawns. “Tired?”

she nods. “Very.”

“My bad, sweetheart.” He kisses her very light before getting out of the bed. “I’ll be back.”

She smiles, enjoying the fine sight of Thomas in his full glory as he went and got her green nightdress. As she sat up, Luca’s ring sparkled on her finger. Tomorrow, she’d remove it and start a new chapter of her life with Thomas. She kissed the ring and whispered. “Thank you.” Without Luca Changretta…none of this would have even been possible and she took a moment to acknowledge that. She was starting a new chapter of her life and she couldn’t wait to see how the rest of the book turned out.

Chapter 154: Rings and photographs

the following morning,

---

“You alright sweetheart?” Thomas asked for what seemed like the hundredth time.

Kate smiled at him. “I’m fine. Just…thinking of something.” 

Last night, oh, it had been the things of dreams. Kate, she was so different, so very different than he’d recalled. Sure, she’d started off a little bit shy, but then she told him to take her. He could tell from the way she had her hand around his balls that she wasn’t that innocent woman he knew all those years back. She was beyond impressive. There was blood on the sheets from where she’d torn his back open but he hadn’t cared. She was the best he’d had and he could tell from the glow in her eyes that she knew that she was. She was confident in herself and that was the most glorious thing about her last night. Oh, the look on her face when she’d shoved him onto his back and taken his cock while she pinned him down…he’d never forget the sight of that. Her, breathing so hard that nearly every inch of her trembled, while her walls gripped him so tight that she could have snapped him in half! 

They were together three times last night and once in the early hours of the morning. He’d always had a fast recovery rate, but it had been a few years for him so his body was refamiliarizing itself with how it felt to nights of lovemaking. By the first night of their honeymoon, he’d be back into the swing of things. He’d have to start planning things out for her for she was demanding and needing now. Kate, she’d started their lovemaking this morning. He thought he’d lost his mind upon waking up to find his cock in her hand and that damn saucy minx had ordered him to beg her for a f**k. He’d refused at first, stating that he didn’t beg. 

Kate had released him, pulled that green nightdress up and slipped two fingers inside her! “Fine, I’ll take care of myself then!” oh, he’d begged as she moaned while pleasuring herself. He’d begged her to let him f**k her. He’d begged her to the point of where it felt like his head would explode. Kate had toyed with him a bit before shrugging and stating. “Alright, Shelby, if you think you can handle it---

He’d thrown her legs over his shoulders and f**ked her. He’d grabbed her hands, pinned them over her head and f**ked her until she screamed his name. Thomas made a note to book a cottage or somewhere deserted away because this woman could not be quiet! They were still exploring each other and sex like this; it was very strong between them. Kate, she had so much energy, he’d NEVER imagined that she’d be like this. Most women, they were a bit more submissive and gentle, but not her. She matched his energy with a passion. She’d described Changretta as being gentle and he wondered if Changretta had ever experienced this fire within her. If he had, it was probably a bit more sedate. He and Kate, they were both alike within. They had their own darkness and a fire that they only shared with each other. Kate, he didn’t know how he’d managed to live those ten years without her, but for all this right now with here, he’d have endured it all over again.

He glanced at Kate who was sitting down on the bed. He wondered if taking her on the table had been too much for her. They’d eaten all the food and he’d ordered lunch for her. She then gone and gotten into the bath while he called Ada. Ada had teased the hell of out him for keeping Kate that late, but she said that she didn’t mind watching all the kids and she had Linda helping her. She’d told them to stay as long as they wanted because they’d deserved this. He’d gotten up and called the desk again, told them to deliver lunch and then get out. He then joined Kate in the bath and told her that they had a few more hours. Kate, she’d been unsure at first, but he’d gotten into the bath and all her thoughts left her head. Oh, he’d made love to her again and she’d straddled him. They came out to find lunch had already been delivered. Kate had gotten back into bed and they’d eaten lunch there while talking about wedding preparations. 

Kate had asked if getting married in a church was possible. She’d never had a church wedding, which surprised him. But apparently in Italy, she had been too pregnant to have a church wedding which he knew disappointed her. He didn’t care for the church, but, he wanted her to be happy. He said he’d talk to Jeremiah. Kate had stated emphatically that she wouldn’t wear white, but she’d wear something that would photograph like a wedding dress. He’d agreed reluctantly. None of his wives had worn white on their wedding day and she wouldn’t. Kate had kissed him…to find herself with one leg on the letter writing table while he spread her open and took her. She’d said that she was alright, but now he wondered. She seemed a little bit pensive, even with that beautiful floral dress that she wore. 

“I need to get you a ring.”

“Yes.” She smiles. “But nothing fancy, alright, Thomas?”

He exhales. “Can it have a diamond?” she exhales and shoots him a look. “Not a big one, just a small one.”

She studied him and stated. “You’ve already decided on one, haven’t you?”

He nods and gives her a half-smile. “Yeah.” She laughs and shakes her head. “You’ll love it Kate, I’m sure of it. It’s not really expensive.”

She smiles and says. “Then, go ahead and buy me the ring.” 

He takes her hand as he grabs the suitcase with their evening clothes. He started to walk towards the door, but she didn’t move from the bed. He frowned. “What is it Kate?”

She bit her lip and asked softly. “Can I have a minute, Tommy? I’ll meet you downstairs.”

He frowned. “You alright?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I just…need a minute. Please.”

Ok, she was going through something, he didn’t know what was going on in her head, but she needed space. He nodded.

“Alright.” He kissed her on the lips. She tasted a little sad, but he didn’t know why. “I love you.” He assured her as he held her gaze. “I love only you.”

She smiles as she whispers. “And I love you too, Tommy Shelby. I’m so glad you decided to keep on loving me.”

He squeezed her hand and then walked out of the room. She’d tell him when she was ready. He was halfway down the stairs when it hit him. Kate, she’d played with her ring last night. Not his…Changretta’s. He hadn’t even thought about it as he slid his ring on her finger. It was nestled right next to Changretta’s. She was taking a minute to say goodbye and she wanted to do that in private. 

He went downstairs to the front desk to the concierge and settle the bill. “Was everything satisfactory?”

He nodded. “Yeah.” The charges were a little high but, it had been last minute and after everything they’d shared together he’d have been willing to pay ten times that amount. “Need the phone.” 

The concierge handed it to him and he dialed Arthur. Hello?

“Arthur, it’s me. You, Linda and Billy get on over to the London house.”

Linda’s already there; I was just on my way.

“Good.” He stated. “Once you get there, crack out a bottle of my best champagne, put it on ice and have the glasses ready. Cider for the kids as well. Got some good news to share.”

What is it Tom?

He smirked. “You’ll see. We’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Alright?”

Yeah. Bye Tom.

“Bye Arthur.” 

“Tommy!” Kate breathed as she appeared suddenly beside him as he hung up the phone. “Tommy! I’m sorry!”

He frowned as he turned towards her. “Kate, what’s---

“I can’t get his ring off.”

He didn’t understand at first. “What?”

“It’s stuck.” She said as she held her hand up, clearly in a panic and upset. “I can’t get Luca’s ring off.” Oh, he really hated Changretta right now. It was a simple enough band, but he didn’t want that ring on her hand. He’d already agreed to let Changretta’s son’s keep his name. Kate was going to be his wife, have his name and he wanted his ring to be on her finger! He took her hand and tried to pull the ring off her finger. Sure enough, the damn thing wouldn’t budge! “Ouch!”

“I’m sorry sweetheart.” He exhaled and looked upwards, even though he knew damn well that Changretta was down below. “Fine, Changretta you win this round.”

“It’s a simple band.” She said. “Your ring should fit right next to it, but, I’m sorry.”

He nods. “Yeah, but, it’s not your fault. You wore it for ten years.” He caressed her face before stating. “You’ll wear mine for much longer.”

She smiled at him, happy tears glistening in her eyes as she said. “I love it when you’re so understanding.” He really wasn’t, but this was beyond his control. “I love you so much, Tommy Shelby and I can’t wait to marry you.” 

With that, she put her arms around his neck and kissed him. He smiled against her lips when he held her close. So, Changretta gave his blessing for her to marry as long as she was happy. The ring wasn’t a big deal for a woman, but for a man, it was. It symbolized that she was his and Changretta, despite wanting her to be happy, still hadn’t relinquished his hold on her yet. He could feel it. However, having had Kate and seen her in all her glory with her love and fire, he couldn’t blame the man. He didn’t want to let Kate go before knowing all this. Changretta did know her and no man, even from the grave would want to let her go. But that hold would break, he could feel it.

A camera flashing caused them both to separate. They both turned towards the camera as it flashed again! Kate turned away, but it was too late. Harry Griggs had finally snapped a photo of Kate!

“Oi!” He shouted as he stormed towards him. “You better destroy that,” the man ran off like the coward he was. “or I swear to God---

“Tommy,” Kate caught his elbow and he turned back. “it’s alright. It’s just a photo. It’s only a matter of time before someone figures out who I am.”

“Yeah, but,” he exhaled. “why the f**k did it have to be Griggs?”

she smiles and shakes her head. “Come on. Take me home Shelby. We have to tell our family that we’re getting married next month.”

He nods as he smiles. “Yeah, we do.” Griggs temporarily forgotten, he took her hand and hurried her out to their car. His driver had a very uncomfortable night, so he made sure to give him some extra pay for this.

He and Kate talked about their arrangements and he’d asked her if she wanted to move to a larger house, still in the country. But the best news was that it’d be closer to the boys school and there was a wall around the border of the property. No unwanted visitors would be able to just storm in uninvited. Kate hadn’t been sure, but she liked the idea of a bit more space for all the children, so she’d agreed to look at it. It wasn’t like Arrow House had been, but he wanted the best for his family.

He helped her out of the car and exhaled as he pulled her into his arms. “So, September 6th, we’re finally getting married again.”

“Yes.” She laughed before giving him a peck on the lips. Oh, he was in love. He was so much in f**king love with her that he couldn’t believe it.

“So,” they both looked around to see Polly Gray standing there, a stern look on her face. “it is true. The two of you are getting married again?”

he felt nothing but pride inside as he said with a nod. “Yes, we’re getting married again Poll.”

Polly said nothing. She just stood there with her dark eyes, evaluating and deciding what her next move would be. Polly, like him, was always playing chess and he hoped that he was ready for her next move.

---

Chapter 155: These foolish things

Kate reached for Thomas and put her hand in his as he held Polly’s gaze. “She’s going to be my wife, Poll.”

Polly shakes her head. “Christ, you’re a f**king idiot.”

“I was an idiot ten years ago.” He stated firmly. “I’m not making the same mistake twice.”

“And you?” Polly asks her directly. “You think you love him? Yet there you are, still with Changretta’s wedding ring on your hand!”

Kate inhaled as she said calmly. “It can’t come off.”

“Can’t or won’t?” Polly said with a sharp look on her face. “There’s a stench of Changretta about you. It’s clear he’s not going to let you go. You will drag him into the future.”

“Polly, enough.” He said firmly. “I asked Kate to marry me, she agreed to marry me. She f**king loves me. I had to live without her, for 10 f**king years. I won’t do that again. I won’t go a single day more without her. I’m going to marry her and I don’t give a f**k about what you think. You chose her for me once…you wanted me to love her. This time, I’m choosing her and I love her.” He inhaled and asked. “Have you decided to accept my love for her?”

Polly studied him and then she said. “Tell me this---

“No.” He shook his head as he placed his hand on Kate’s back. “Come on, inside. Our future awaits.”

“Tommy,” Polly said. “don’t walk away from me.” He kept walking. “Tommy, listen to me!”

he opened the front door, guided her inside and shut the door behind him. She exhaled and looked at him. “Tommy, you didn’t---

“Polly’ll be at the wedding.” He said firmly as he removed his hat. “I know her, Kate. She’ll show up, sit down at the wedding and she won’t say a word. We’ll raise the kids, she’ll work her way into our lives and all will be well again.”

“You seem so sure of yourself.”

“I know Polly. We’re two of the same.”

She nodded. Tommy did know Polly, so she had to trust him with this. “And Finn?” She asked. “Will he be allowed to come, along with his wife, Mary?”

He shook his head. “No.”

“But---

“He tried to kill my son, you know this.” He said patiently. “He was warned beforehand and he still chose the traitor over his own blood.”

“I know, but,” she said simply. “he’s still your family.”

He exhales as he rubs her cheeks. “Kate, if you want, I’ll reach out to him, but not at the wedding. Afterwards, because I don’t want to ruin the wedding..”

She exhaled. “Alright. But, I don’t want to be responsible for putting a wedge between you and your family.”

“If there is a wedge, they put it there themselves. Not you.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and said firmly. “I am not losing you again. They’ll come around, but I am not going to wait for that day to arrive to marry you.”

“Marry?” that was Angela. They turned to see her standing there, her eyes wide as she asked. “Are you getting married?”

she smiled and held up her hand to reveal the silver ring nestled next to Luca’s. God, there had to be a way to get the ring off! Not that she wanted to get rid of Luca’s ring so easily. It’s just that she wanted to give it to Luciano for when he intended to propose. She couldn’t give it to him if it was still stuck on her finger! Thomas kissed her cheek as he said. “I asked your mother to marry me and she said yes.”

Angela promptly started screaming and jumping up and down. “They’re getting married! They’re getting married!” he laughed as she kept screaming. “They’re getting married!”

At that moment, everyone started running in the room! It was absolutely amazing to see. Kate kept laughing as she got mobbed by Linda while Angela and Luna latched onto her. Thomas was being mobbed by Arthur, Charlie, Luciano and Romero. It was nice to be a family together and it would be wonderful when the family was all together again. She was so tired of fighting and division that she wanted their family to be whole again.

---

September 6th, 1936

---

Thomas stood nervously in front of the altar as he waited for Kate to come down the aisle. Charlie, stood beside him as his best man with the ring in his pocket. Luciano was walking Kate down the stairs. Romero and Arthur were his groomsmen. Linda was Kate’s maid of honor, Angela and Ada were bridesmaids. Luna was the flower girl and his whole family was here. Well, Polly wasn’t, but he knew that she’d be coming. It was Polly, she may grouse and grumble, but she always had his best interests at heart, even when she was wrong. 

The music started. Kate had opted for a new song called 'these foolish things remind me of you' to walk down the aisle to. He couldn’t remember the lyrics…for his whole head had blown up when Kate entered with Luciano holding onto her arm. Kate wore a simple, older, beaded off white dress that was so beautiful he instantly forgave her for not wearing not wearing pure white. She was…beyond beautiful, she was gorgeous, so stunning that he saw why Changretta called her a goddess. She was, she had to be, there was no other explanation for her to be so beautiful.

She smiled as she stood opposite him. “Hello.” She whispered.

“Hello.” He took her hand and asked. “Are you ready to do this again?”

she nodded. “Yes Tommy.”

He inhaled and said, “Good girl.”

Oh, her face flooded with heat and he smiled. Tonight…he’d remind her just how deeply he felt about her. They spoke their vows calmly and with passion. When Jeremiah asked if there were any objections, the door to the church opened and there walked in Polly. All eyes went to her. He stepped forward, placing his hand on Kate’s waist, silently begging Polly to understand just how deeply he loved his Kate. She inhaled deeply, leaning inwards to him, that rich gardenia scent filling his head. Polly said nothing and sat down at the far end of a pew.

Then, it came time to exchange the rings. As he took ahold of Kate’s hand, a thought crossed his mind. On pure instinct, he tugged on Changretta’s ring….and this time it came off. Kate gasped and looked at him, happy tears in her eyes. “What? How did you---

“You’re my wife now.” He said as he held the ring up to her. She shook her head as he handed her back Luca’s ring. “I think he knows that now.”

She nodded. “Yes.” 

He slid his ring on her finger and then pressed a kiss to her hand. Oh, she was his wife now, finally his wife. Changretta had held onto her until she wasn’t his wife anymore. He pocketed the ring and he said. “I’ll give it back to you later, alright?”

She nodded. “Thank you.”

They exchanged rings and then…they were finally announced as husband and wife. He didn’t care for propriety. He grabbed Kate, causing her to shriek as he dipped her backwards and kissed her. She groaned and grabbed onto his coat as the adults in the room cheered, while all the kids let out sounds of disgust. He didn’t blame them, they were way too young for such scenes, but he needed her so much. She was gasping for air when he finally broke the kiss. They were immediately surrounded by her kids. No, they were his now. 

“Can we call him Papa now?” Luna asked, causing his heart to race in his chest

“Perhaps Dad?” Kate suggested. “It’s a bit more English.”

“Can I call her Mother, this time Dad?” Charlie asks. "Please."

Thomas nods. “Yes. Yes, you can call her that.”

He wasn’t expecting Charlie to start crying, but he did. Charlie just started sobbing and he was caught off guard. He knew that Charlie had wanted a mother, but he hadn’t seen just how desperate his boy had been until this moment. “Oh, Charlie.” Kate held onto him as he cried. “It’s ok now.” She added in a quieter voice. “You’re my boy now and I’m here.”

“Does this make him our older brother?” Luciano asked, with a crackle in his voice.

He answered for her. “Yeah. Yes it does. Which means…he’s the boss.”

Luciano and Romero groan, but it couldn’t be helped. There were a few moments of family bonding between them before he finally took Kate’s hand and led her back down the aisle with the crowd behind them. As they passed Polly, they stopped at the end of the pew. Polly studied them and he asked. “Polly, please.” Polly studied him. “She’s my wife and I love her. I love her so much and I can’t give her up.”

“Clearly.”

“Poll, please.” He asked. “Accept my wife.”

Polly wanted to, he could see that, but she wouldn’t. Kate inhaled and said. “You don’t have to say  word, Polly. A simple nod, will do. You don’t have to apologize to me, either. Just nod and we can all move on from this. Please.”

And Polly did. She nodded. He exhaled. His family would be back together by Christmas and he could hardly wait for that.

---

December 10th, 1936

---

Kate let out a faint moan as she rolled onto her side. Thomas frowned as he ran his hand down her sweating back. “What’s the matter?”

“I don’t feel good.” She admitted softly.

he frowned and placed his hand on her forehead. “You’re a little warm sweetheart.”

“I think I’m getting a cold.” She whispered. "It's that time of year."

Truth is, she was worn out. She and Thomas had been having so much sex that it seemed like her thighs were going to be permanently red! She was enjoying it, but dear God, Thomas and his stamina! They hadn't gone anywhere on their honeymoon at her request, but that didn't stop Thomas from making love, having sex or f**king her frequently for these last few months and he was VERY good at everything! He'd taken to christening their new house as much as he could, but it was difficult with the children, so, their room was christened frequently. They'd managed to avoid being photographed together, so life was starting to calm down again, which was lovely.

"I'll send for a doctor." He said gently. "You are a little warm."

"I'll be fine." She says as she stands up with a moan. She really did not feel well and the room began spinning crazily around her. “Tommy?” She slurred.

“What?” he looked towards her and his eyes widen. “Kate!!” He lunged for her. His voice was the last thing that is that she hears before she passes out cold.

---

Chapter 156: Exhaustion, hunger, lust and shock

She was tired. she felt tired she opened her eyes. And when she did, she found that her whole family in the master bedroom. They were all on the floor or on the nearest couch and chair that they could find. Thomas was actually in the bed with her holding her hand. She yawned, causing him to look at her. “Tommy?” The kids were all doing their homework, so their papers floated down on the floor. “What’s this?” She asked as Thomas instantly hovered over her, checking her forehead. “Did I sleep in?”

“No, sweetheart,” Thomas said as he caressed her face. “You passed out and you had a slight fever.”

“Oh.” She blinked. “I thought… I may have moved too fast.”

“The doctor said you were exhausted and to let you sleep.”

“Oh.” She apologized. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He said gently as he ran his hand down her cheek. “I’m just glad to see you’re alright.”

“I am.” She stretched up and kissed him. After a few pecks, she asked. “How long was I out?”

“You slept for four hours Kate. Rossi drew some blood while you were sleeping, you didn’t even stir.”

“Hmm,” she ran her arms up to his neck, using him to pull herself upright. “no wonder I feel so good.”

“There are children here,” Charlie said sharply. “you two!”

Thomas shoots him a look. “Charlie, go call Rossi and tell her to come on back.”

“I’m fine, she can come back tomorrow.” Kate assured him as he helped her sit up. “I haven’t been sleeping to well too lately.”

He arched a brow. “You never said, Kate.”

She smiled innocently as she said. “I enjoy staying awake, you know that.” She kissed him and yawned again as she looked at the crowd of children. “So, what did I miss?”

“Breakfast.” Angela said. 

“Hmm,” her stomach rumbled at the mention of food, prompting her to say. “oh,  that sounds good.” 

She goes to draw her bed covers back, but Thomas lightly smacks her hand. “You’re staying in bed till you’ve eaten.”

“You brute!” She teases with a smile.

“The biggest.” He leans forward and kisses her again.

She smiles as he runs his hand through her hair. "I am hungry though."

He nods as he says quietly. “I’ll get you a tray.”

“Thank you my love.” She shakes her head as he hurries off down the stairs to the kitchen. She waits for him to e halfway there before asking. “How was your father? Insufferable?”

“Very!” Luna said. “He and the doctor got into a fight.”

“Not sure who won, actually.” Romero said. “She said she’d be back tomorrow. Apparently, you were exhausted and hadn’t been getting enough sleep.”

Kate nods. “I have been feeling really tired lately.”

“Wonder why.” Charlie muttered, causing Luciano to hit him. Charlie glowered. “Knock it off.”

“Shut up.”

Kate laughed and said. “Both of you, be quiet. I do sleep all night, it’s like…I don’t know, I wake up and I didn’t get enough sleep.”

“Again,” Charlie said with a smirk on his face as he turned back to his books. “wonder why.”
Kate laughed and shook her head. Within fifteen minutes, Thomas came back with a tray laden with her favorite breakfast foods. Scrambled eggs, scones with jelly, strawberries, bacon and sausage. Kate wound up eating the entire plate of food. God, it all tasted so good! 

Thomas studied her before asking. “More?”

She shakes her head. “No! I’m gaining weight.”

He shakes his head. “I like to see you eat. I remember when you wouldn’t.”

She smiled sadly. “As do I.” She kissed him again. “Thank you.”

Thomas handed her a robe and she got into it. She didn’t bother getting dressed, she lounged in her silver robe and nightdress all day. She was tired still, but not as tired as she was. After lunch, Thomas had suggested that she take a nap and she did. She woke up a few hours before dinner. It was strange. She was so tired, regardless of how well she was sleeping! After dinner, there’d been games and music. Once the kids went to bed, Thomas said he was tired and turning in early. She knew that was a lie. He wasn’t tired, but he was saying he was so she’d get in a bit more sleep.

When they got into bed together and Thomas held onto her…she realized that she wanted more from him. Thomas, he’d stared up at her as she got into his lap, straddled him, pulled his shorts down and rode him till they came together. He held onto her all through the night and when she awoke in the morning, he was still asleep. She shook her head and closed her eyes. She couldn’t go back to sleep, so she pretended to be asleep for his sake. God, why was she forming such bad sleeping arrangements? She was so tired!! But she couldn’t sleep and she wasn’t going to take sleeping pills just yet. Thomas, he still made love to her as if they were both ten years younger, probably twenty in his case. No matter what happened between them during the night, she always slept through most of the night when he was done with her.

A knock, caused him to wake. He grumbled. “Who the f**k is this?” he gets grumpily out of the bed and moves towards the door. He opened the door and hisses lowly. “What is it?”

“Doctor Rossi is here.”

He groaned. “Right. Send her on up, but take your time. I need to wake my wife up.”

“Alright.”

Kate smiled to herself as he closed the door. He headed over, clearly reluctant about waking her up. She moaned as she turned onto her back, arching her back. Thomas exhaled and she could see him shaking his head. “Katie luv?” he sat down on the side of the bed and kissed her. “I need you to wake up.”

“Tommy.” She whimpered as if she were just waking up.

“Sweetheart?” He ran his hand through her hair.

“F**k me.” She gasped out, causing him to inhale sharply. “Hard.”

She moaned and he groaned. “F**king hell.” He shook her gently. “Kate! I need you to wake up.” She opened her eyes and looked up at him. He took one look and said. “You weren’t asleep, were you?”

“No!” She laughed as he dove on top of her. “Tommy, Tommy, please!!”

“As soon as this doctor is gone,” he promised as he kissed her. “I’ll f**k you and I’ll f**k you hard!”

she giggled as she said. “Good!” he kissed her a few times, instantly, her body flamed to life and she moaned as her hands explored her husband’s body. God, she wanted this man so much it was a wonder that he hadn’t broken his back trying to satisfy this influx of need that was radiating from her!

Kate pushed him backward on the bed as there was a knock on the door. “Go away!” She said before leaning forward and trapping her husband in a deep kiss. He groaned and wrapped an arm around her waist. She moaned as she begged him. “F**k me, Tommy. Please.”

“Kate---

the door to their room opened and Rossi walked in with an arched brow on her face and her doctor's bag in her hand. “Well,” she smirked. “I’m glad to see that you’re feeling better.”

“I said,” Kate said. “to go away.”

“Yeah, I don’t care.” Rossi said. “You were practically in a coma you were so exhausted. And as happy as I am to see that you and your husband are back to normal, I’d like to discuss your blood results, so, get off your husband and sit in the bed!!”
Kate huffed and climbed unhappily off Thomas. “By the way,” Thomas asked as he ran his hand down from her neck to her hip, causing her to shiver. “how’s your husband?”

Rossi shoots him a look. “I’m not married.”

“I know.” He says with a smirk on his face as he stood up, an obvious erection in his shorts. “Next time…you wait until someone says you can come in.”

Rossi rolled her eyes and dismissed him. “How about you go take care of that and let me look after your wife?” Thomas shook his head and moved to get into his robe. Clearly, as soon as this appointment was over, they were going to get back into bed together where hopefully he’d satisfy this need in her. Rossi rolls her eyes before speaking in Italian. This f**ker ain’t like Luca, eh? 

Kate shakes her head. No, but I love him anyway.

The two of you are absolutely disgusting. Sit on the bed. Rossi pulled out her stethoscope before asking. How many times a day do the two of you have sex?

“Oh God.” Kate groaned. “I need to think on that for a minute.”

“Think on what?” Thomas asks. "Stop speaking in f**king Italian love!" 

Kate laughs before stating. “She wants to know how often we have sex.”

Thomas frowns before asking. “A day?" She nods as his face twists in annoyance. "We're supposed to be f**king counting? It's spontaneous!”

Kate laughs again before shaking her head. “No, but….on average, what would you say?”

“Well,” he rubs his jaw. “there’s every morning. Two or three times in the afternoon, then twice in the evening.”

Rossi choked. “Five times a day!?”

Kate nods in agreement, as she blushes. “Yeah, I’d say so.”

Rossi stares at her and then him before saying. My God, I don’t know whether to congratulate you or feel sorry for you! Five times a day!? Most women would be lucky if their husband could get it up three times!!

Kate blushed hard as she rubbed her neck. Yes, but, he’s always had a quick recovery rate.

Strange. It's rare, I'm sorry you wound up married to him.

I'm not! Oh, my God...he's amazing! He's very passionate, yet gentle. Kate inhales as she looks at her husband. Oh, God, I want him right now.

“Kate,” he said. “you’re speaking in f**king Italian again and I want to know what’s being said.”

She shakes her head. “What I said, you do not need to know because you’ve already got a huge ego.” Rossi places her the stethoscope on Kate’s heart, causing her to exhale. 

“Just breathe normally.” Rossi advised. Thomas walked over and stood by the bed as Rossi nodded. “Heart sounds good. Did you sleep well last night?”

“Yes.”

“Any idea why she’d pass out like that?” he asked. “We both sleep through the night.”

“Are you letting her sleep enough?” Rossi asks him directly.

Thomas glowers at her. “She falls asleep before me and she’s still asleep when I wake up. I take very good care of my wife.”

“He does.” Kate assures her. “He really does. He doesn’t wake me up, he lets me sleep in. When I sleep in late, he brings me breakfast in bed so I don’t have to get up right away.”

“Stop it Kate.”

She laughed. “My husband is very sweet to me, despite how grumpy he’s acting.”

“Alright, when you have sex---

“Why do we need to discuss this?” He asked. "This is my business."

“Stop grousing, or I’ll talk to her in Italian.”

Rossi studied them and asked. “What positions are you in, most of the time when the two of you have sex?” Kate blushed. Ok, now she wasn’t sure as to what was going on. “Let’s put it this way. You remember those positions I told Luca to do with you?” Kate froze. “Are you in any of those positions?”

Kate didn’t want to believe it. She couldn’t. No. She was too old for this! Thomas, however, was missing her shock. “What does that mean? What positions?”

“Is she face down a lot?” yes, because she couldn’t keep quiet and the pillow was a safer alternative to her biting her hand. “Are her hips tilted up and her legs over your shoulders?” Only he had her on the desk. Oh, Kate knew what she was inquiring about. The only reason why she’d be asking about those particular positions….it could only mean one thing.

Thomas crossed his arms as he bit out. “Nearly every f**king morning and night since we married. Why the f**k do you need to know how I f**k my wife?”

“Well, she is in her 40’s Mr. Shelby and either there was a mix up in the lab or she’s pregnant.”

That was the word. 

That was the word that she didn’t want to hear it. Rossi placed her hand on Kate’s stomach and tears filled her eyes. Yes, she had put on weight, but she assumed it was because she was so hungry all the time!! She ate three eggs, two scones, four pieces of bacon and two sausages yesterday for breakfast! And dear God, she didn’t even want to think about the huge lunch and dinner that she’d inhaled!

“What’d you f**king say?” Thomas demands, looking confused while everything hit her like a bomb going off!

“She’s pregnant!” Rossi said, causing him to turn and look at her in complete shock.

Kate just wailed in despair! How!? How the hell was she pregnant!? And how the hell had she gotten pregnant by Thomas after all these years!?

---

Chapter 157: Reality of parenthood

He was going to have another f**king seizure.

Kate…was pregnant?! How the hell did that happen!? Well, he knew how it happened! He’d been f**king her to try and ‘make up for lost time’ that impregnating her had just happened. But, the ‘positions’ Kate had mentioned before that Luca needed her to be in certain positions. He hadn’t known what any of them were, but apparently, he’d managed to get them. The positions he’d chosen had allowed for deeper penetration and that was apparently something that Kate needed. He’d given up drink, apart from a glass on special occasions and Kate had switched up the food they ate with the marriage. Still, he was approaching fifty and Kate was in her early forties. So, this whole thing was a surprise.

He didn’t have time to think on this, for Kate was wailing. He looked at her and saw that once again, she was scared out of her mind. He didn’t know what he was feeling. He’d always wanted to have a child with Kate, but, he knew that she’d been scared after giving birth to Luna early. It had been scary because the hospital was on the outskirts of town so it had been a very dangerous journey for her. Granted, they were in England now, but Kate still remembered that trauma. And Luna, she was such a precious little girl and she’d f**king melted his heart the moment she crawled into his lap.

Kate was struggling to breathe, so he comforted her in the best way that he knew. He grabbed her and pulled her onto him. He pulled her close so that she straddling him and then he lay down so that she was under him and held her close.

“Mr. Shelby!” Rossi said. “Get off her---

“Shut up!” He barked as he wrapped his arms tightly around Kate. “Just shut up! Give her a minute!” Kate was struggling to breathe, but she held onto him like she needed him to breathe. “Kate? Katie sweetheart, it’s alright.”

“No!” She shook her head. “It’s not!”

“Kate,” he began kissing her cheek. He had to get to her ear. That always calmed her down when she was upset. “I need you to breathe. Not just for you, but for me!” she let out another wail and he went for the ear. “I’ve got you.” 

He didn’t even go for a kiss, he instantly bit her there and she jolted with a cry. He wasn’t biting hard enough to leave a mark, but he had her. No doubt Rossi saw him as some kind of a wild animal, marking his mate, but that was Kate’s spot. If he wanted to turn her on, he went there. If she needed to be calmed down because she was angry or upset, he went there. The wailing slowly stopped and she was just gasping loudly as she struggled to calm down. He knew her. When she was scared, she felt like she was alone and she always needed to feel that she wasn’t. He began nipping and sucking at her skin, waiting for her to find control. Slowly, bit by bit, her breathing slowed but she held onto him. He released her neck and pressed several kisses there. She moaned and her grip on his neck loosened. When it did, he pulled her upright so she was straddling his lap. He kept kissing her neck and throat, waiting for her to speak and she did.

She exhaled shakily. “A baby, Thomas.”

“Yes.” He tightened his grip around her waist as he exhaled. “We’re having a baby.”

She sniffled as she said quietly. “I was told, that after Luna…I couldn’t have any more babies. So…how is this possible?”

“Well---

“Shut up Rossi.” He said without even looking at her. He hated this doctor, but Kate felt comfortable with her and that overrode his hate. He spoke softer for when he was talking to Kate. “We were making up for those ten years, luv.” God, his head was spinning. “Didn’t realize that I was f**king a baby into you.” Kate shook her head and he laughed faintly. “I know you’re scared Kate, especially after Luna, but…you did say that you wished we had a baby. Now, we’re going to have one.”

“I know.” She whispered as she held onto him. “I just don’t know if I want to have one right now. I’m too old for this.”

He caressed her face as he said softly. “Clearly not.” She exhaled and shook her head before asking. “Have you calmed down a bit?”

“No,” she pulled away as she gripped his neck. “but, I feel a little bit better.”

“That’s good.” He said as he placed his hand on her thigh and slid his hand upward towards her stomach.

She blushed and shifted. “Tommy---

“She’s a doctor, she’s seen your back. I’m your husband and I just want to touch you for a minute.” She inhaled as he found her belly and sure enough, there was an obvious growth there. He exhaled and shook his head. “I don’t know how the f**k I missed this.”

“I’ve been eating a lot.” she muttered. “I thought I was just gaining weight…and you said nothing!”

“Kate, I like it when you have a few extra pounds on you.” He smiled at her. “More for me to grab.”

“Oh, you bastard.” She mumbled before stating. “I bet you’re excited about my breasts.”

He laughed. “Kate, I haven’t even f**king thought about your breasts yet, but, now I am.” She laughed fully, a real laugh now with a real smile on her face. “F**k, I love you so much!”

“I love you too.” He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips, causing her to sigh. After a few pecks, she said. “Thank you, for calming me down.”

“Any time luv.” He turned towards Rossi and said. “Now, you can speak to her.”

Rossi shakes her head. “You can’t do things like that with her in her condition. She is older and this is a high-risk pregnancy. And this is a full household and there’ll be seven children running around.”

“Six, we have five now.” Kate shakes her head as she says. “My God, we’re going to have six children.”

“Actually,” Rossi said. “you’re going to have seven children.” He and Kate stared as Rossi explained with that evil grin on her face. “She’s carrying twins.” Kate threw up on him. He fought the urge to curse as the vomit rolled down his arm and back. Rossi grinned as she said. “Congratulations.”

“Shut up,” He ordered. “and ring for the maid.” Kate hadn’t eaten yet, so it was just liquid, but it was still disgusting.

“You deserved that after what you’ve done to her!” Rossi said. “My God! You do realize that she’s not a young woman anymore. Do you have any idea of what she’s going to be going through at her age!? Giving birth to twins are risky, but at this age, especially after having one baby prematurely, she’s at an even higher risk! What you’re putting her through because you couldn’t show any self-control---

“Rossi,” Kate cut her off with a raspy voice. “it’s alright!”

“No, it’s not---

“I love him.” Kate pushed at his vomit soaked robe and pulled it off him. “He’s my husband…I love being with him. If I didn’t want him, I would tell him and he’d respect my wishes.”

“Really?” Rossi said skeptically. “I had your medical history and pardon me if I don’t believe it.”

“That’s alright.” She said. “But that was ten years ago, we aren’t the same, especially him. So,…don’t blame him because if something goes wrong,” he tightened his grip on her. “he will blame himself and I don’t want him to do that.”

Rossi’s lecture was short, but it had done its job. “But it would be my---

“Stop it Thomas.” She ordered firmly. “You don’t get to go there. Ever! Do you understand me? I’m going to be scared enough for myself as it is.”

“I’ve got you.” He assured her. “I’ll make it safe for you and our babies.” He turned to Rossi. “What can I do to make it easier on her?”

Rossi started spouting things off immediately. “Get a house closer to the city. Find a single story, she shouldn’t do the stairs, especially with twins. And for the love of God, let her sleep at night!”

“I can’t sleep.” Kate says, causing him to look at her. “Thomas helps me fall asleep, but, I just wake up and can’t go back to sleep.”

He frowns. “But, you were asleep this morning till they banged on the door.”

She shook her head. “I was awake hours before then. I was letting you sleep.”

Rossi exhaled sharply. “I’ll prescribe---

“Can we try something natural first? Like tea?”

“Fine, but if it doesn’t work within the week, I’ll prescribe something to help you sleep.”

He exhaled. “I’ll talk to Johnny Dog’s wife. She’ll have something.”

“Johnny Dogs?” Rossi frowned. “Who’s that and who’s his wife?”

“They’re Romani Gypsies,” Kate explained. “so, whatever remedies they use will be natural.”

“No!” She stated. “I don’t want to risk you getting harmed by some potion---

“They won’t harm her,” he states. “because they know if they f**k up, the hand that hurts her will be taken. The same goes for her life.” 

Kate runs her hand through his hair as she asks. “We’ll move to our London house for the birth. We can convert the sitting room into a bedroom when I can no longer manage the stairs.” She shot him a look. “I don’t want you to go and buy another house. We’ll make due with the one we have. Alright?”

He exhales. “Ok, but if it’s too much---

“I’ll be fine.”

Rossi exhaled. “Next, I’m going to arrange for a midwife to come over for weekly in person prenatal visits.”

“How much will that cost?” Kate asks.

“Doesn’t matter Kate.” He said. “You’re having my babies, we can afford it, so stop worrying about money.” He turns to Rossi. “What else?”

“During those visits, I want urine and blood samples taken, so I can watch for anything that could alert us to any conditions like preeclampsia. I’d also like to know where your home in London is, so I can decide which hospital for her to go to when she’s in labor. I’m sure you’d like to have the best doctors on staff for her.”

“Yes.” Thomas nods in agreement. “Spare no expense. I want the best for her and I expect you to be there to make sure that they’re taking care of her properly.”

She shakes her head. “Thomas---

“I am willing to spend, ten million pounds,” those words cause Kate to jolt. “on my wife alone, more than that on the twins. If there’s something that she needs, no matter how small, I want you to tell me so I can be sure that she’s alright. I also want to be given a full report of her condition after each visit.”

“Mr. Shelby, it’s her body, her babies---

“And I’m the one who put those babies in there. They’re mine as well.” He said firmly. “I want to know everything that’s going on.”

“No.” Rossi shook her head. “It’s an invasion of her privacy.”

“It’s alright.” Kate said as she gripped his hand. “I give consent.”

Rossi glowered. “Don’t let him bully you---

“He’s not. He worries so he wants to know.” She ran her hand through his hair. “I understand. He is my husband after all.”
Rossi shakes her head as she states. “It’s men like him, that keep us in the past.”

“Yeah, whatever. It’s men like me,” he states. “that also pay your f**king salary. So, finish examining my wife, then get the f**k out of my house!”

Rossi did and she talked about all kinds of things, the risks that could happen to Kate. He hadn’t been scared at first, but now he was. He didn’t know much about childbirth, but now, he knew way too much. Rossi had told him about all the things to look for with Kate, he made a note to get ahold of Polly and Johnny Dogs wife. Yeah, Rossi believed in all that modern stuff, but he knew that there were things in this world that were beyond Rossi’s comprehension.

They were both stunned into silence after Rossi left. For what was supposed to be a very happy occasion, it was now tinged with sobriety. He exhaled as he admitted. “I didn’t know Kate.”

 “I knew the positions, but…we couldn’t before and, I didn’t think anything of it. But,” she shook her head as her voice began to wind up. “neither of us drink anymore. I-I didn’t think it was possible! I’m too old for this! Much less two!” she smacked him. “How the hell did you manage to f**k two babies into me?!”

“Oi,” he protested. “you and Changretta had twins---

“That happened on our fifth anniversary when we in Paris!” She stated. “This just happened because you could!” She grabbed his neck and snarled. “If you get me pregnant again, I swear to God, that I will shoot you!”

he had no doubt that she would. He nods as he says. “I’ll try not to Kate, but you are so f**king beautiful and a pleasure to be with. Neither of us really had a f**king chance.”

She pouts and admits. “I know.” 

He hesitates and then asks. “Are you happy Kate?”

She nods as a cautious smile breaks over her face. “I am. I think I am.” She inhaled. “I’m a little scared---

“I am too.” He admitted. “But I’ll be there for you, every step of the way. I just got you back…I’m not going to let you go. I’d ask, if you’d want to get rid of them,” she glowered at him. “but, they’re ours. We made them and even though it’s as scary as f**k…we both want them.”

She nods. “Yes, we do. I still can’t believe it. How will the kids take it?”

She exhales and shakes her head. “I don’t know. I suppose we should go tell them…if Rossi hasn’t already.”

“If she does…I’m killing her after all this is over.”

She laughs. “God, you’re such a grumpy old man.”

“Well this, grumpy old man,” he stated. “managed to f**k, not one, but two, f**king babies into you. Maybe I’m not so f**king old after all.”

She shakes her head. “No, you’re not.”

With that, he kissed her. Yes, she could be scared, but he’d be there for her and their babies. Their family was expanding, but it was just one of the many adventures that they’d be having together.

Chapter 158: In labor

May 15th, 1937

---

“I won’t go!”

“Kate!”

“I want to go,” she bit her lip and hollered. “upppstairssss!!!”

“You are not,” he half-roared at her. “going upstairs!!” Kate just let out a moan until the pain passed. “Kate, sweetheart, the ambulance----

“No.” She shook her head. “I’m not going!”

“Charlie,” he said. “get Rossi on the---

“She’s on her way!” Charlie said. “She said to get her in the ambulance!”

“I’m trying!” Thomas exhaled. “Kate, please, I have the ambulance outside….

“No!” She inhaled sharply. “I said no! We won’t make it!”

“Kate---

“I know this!” She stated. “I have gone through this before, I know what it feels….likkkkkeeeeee!!!”

It had been a slightly difficult pregnancy. Kate went through the hunger and very sexual phase for another two weeks. He’d been very careful with her, nothing wild and crazy, even when she was demanding it from him. Her hormones were a mess and that couldn’t be fixed. Rossi had originally said no sex until the birth, but Kate asked if that was her professional opinion as a doctor or if she’d disliked the idea of Kate sleeping with him. The moment Rossi said that Tommy was a danger to her; Kate threw a vase at her head and called her prejudice. Rossi labeled him as abusive and that led to a hearty disagreement until he got them both to calm down. In the end, Kate stated that she’d still be sleeping with him and Rossi could go to hell. Tommy promised that he’d be very careful with Kate. Rossi called him an animal and Kate had shouted that she was going to go insane if she couldn’t be with him! In the end, Rossi agreed that once every other day was enough, but they’d have to stop if Kate started having complications. 

Then after those two weeks, she went through terrible morning sickness. She had pains, aches and occasional bleeds. Kate had to be run to the hospital several times for a few severe bleeds. She thought for sure that she was going to lose their babies a few times, but each times, the bleeding stopped. Kate had to stay in the hospital a few times and she hated it. She hated being in the hospital. That was when Thomas had the sitting room cleared and their bed was brought down to the sitting room. Kate had promptly broken down upon arriving and she wouldn’t be consoled until she cried herself to sleep.
There were concerns that they were going to be identical twins, instead of fraternal. Apparently, because identical twins shared a placenta they were a higher risk Kate hated the final weeks of her pregnancy with a fierce passion. No matter how much of their stuff from their room was surrounding her, she just wasn’t comfortable. And God, she was stubborn and argumentative about everything. The children had all been excited about the possibility of two more children and he’d told them all to ‘tattle’ on her. Kate was always trying to sneak upstairs and he’d wound up installing a gate with multiple bells on it, which upset her. Oh, her mood swings were something else entirely but fortunately, all the kids understood that it was the babies causing her to behave like she was possessed by demons. 

One night, she asked Luciano why he ate the smaller potato first, which had confused the hell out of everyone because he wasn’t paying attention to what was on his plate! He was kid, he was just eating! But no, Kate wanted to dissect and delve into why everyone ate a certain way! When she got to him, he made a smart arsed comment about how it was just food, which had resulted in Kate bursting into tears and going to their ‘room’. He’d calmly finished his food, told all the kids to relax and enjoy their meal. He then took Kate’s food into her, where she promptly declared that he hated he because she was ugly and disgusting to him. She then said if he had an affair, she couldn’t even blame him because she looked like a fat ogre. Oh, the amount of assurances he’d had to give her. Kate had suffered a bleed that week, so he couldn’t make love to her. Instead he stripped her naked and kissed every inch of her body. He made sure that she came and then he handed her the food she’d left behind. Kate had eaten it while crying about how she missed being with him. He promised to make love to her the following week. He never did and he was glad that she didn’t press him for it. But he did make a point to give her a bit more love and attention to make her feel beautiful.

There was a loud crash from outside and then, a bang at the door. “Ugh,” he said. “Charlie, who---

“Aunt Polly is here!” Luna called from the front door. “And she’s brought Johnny and his wife!”

He frowned. “How the hell---

“Hey Tommy!” Johnny called as they all entered the sitting room. “You know, some delivery truck just hit the f**king ambulance out front?” He groaned as he looked at Kate. From the look in her eyes, he knew that she wasn’t going anywhere. “Sent the thing flying. Thought for sure you lot were in it!”

“I would have been!” She said firmly as she peeled off the robe that he’d just gotten her into. “I’m staying here!”

“Kate---

“I’m not going to the hospital!” She said as she turned and waddled back into their bedroom. “I refuse!”

He groaned. “Kate, I don’t have time to argue---

“I could have died!!”

“Katie, darling, please---

“Thomas,” Polly said firmly. “get out, let us women handle this.”

“You don’t understand,” he said firmly. “it’s a high risk pregnancy and she’s having twins!”

“And?” Esmeralda asks. “You think none of us have done this before?”

“Not with her!” He said. “I want the best doctors---

“She has us.” Polly said. “It’ll be fine, I saw her holding a boy and a girl last night. She’ll be fine.”

“But---

“Johnny, take him out for a drink and we’ll calm her down.” Polly said as she got Kate back into their bed. “I’ll update you in a bit.”

“I don’t drink!” he stated.

“Have one!” Kate practically ordered before turning to Polly. “I don’t want to go to the hospital! I want to go upstairs and have the baby in our bed.”

“Your bed is downstairs,” Polly said calmly. “and Thomas does not have enough time to get people to bring it back up. Ok?” Kate nodded. “Alright, let’s go in, settle you down and us girls can have a little chat. Would you like that?” Kate nodded again. “Very good.”

“Come on Tom,” Johnny said as he placed a hand on his shoulder. “let’s leave the women to their thing.”

He shook his head. “You have no idea, just how dangerous---

“We all know Tom,” Johnny shook his head. “but sometimes, you have to remember that having babies are a good thing.” Well it sure wasn’t feeling like it was a good thing!

Almost instantly, Kate calmed down and it was mostly silent apart from her crying out with a labor pain. Rossi decided to show up nearly 30 minutes later. God, he HATED that woman. Kate had explained that she and Luca had been childhood friends and she hated him for Angel and Mr. Changretta’s death. He understood that, but he really didn’t give a f**k about her feelings as long as his wife was taken care of. But damn it, that woman could have hold a grudge!

She shook her head with disgust the moment she got into the house. “Where is she? I see the ambulance out front got hit, but why wasn’t she in it hours ago when she went into labor!?”

“Because, she wouldn’t get it inside and I wasn’t going to force her!! She in our room,” he said as calmly as he could under the circumstances. “with my aunt and Johnny's wife.”

Oh, those blue eyes of hers flashed. “I bet you lot are practicing f**king witchcraft on her! All these scientific achievements and we’re going back to the dark ages! Next thing you know we’ll be pulling out leeches for blood letting!” he followed her into the room where Kate was and he was surprised to see her walk around! Rossi freaked out. “No, she needs to be in bed!”

“Calm down,” Polly said firmly. “all is well. The one baby is in position and she’ll be ready to give birth in an hour or so.”

“Walking isn’t good for her!”

“It’s helping her.” Esmeralda said from where Kate was holding onto her elbow. “She’s showing no signs of complications---

“That you can see! We need to test her urine---

“Already did.” Polly said, causing Rossi to frown. “we women have been doing this without a fancy degree and before you were even born.”

“You’ve also been killing women and babies at a steady pace!” Rossi stated. “Without any formal training---

“Only babies we’ve lost are the ones that were born dead.” Esmeralda said firmly. “And not all your medicines work. After all, it was my tea that got her to sleep, not your fancy pills and utter rubbish!”

“Alright, everyone, shut up a minute.” He said as he walked up to Kate. She smiled weakly as she reached for his arm. “Hey you.” He kissed her forehead after pulling her into his arms “How are you feeling, my love?”

“Better.” She said quietly. “I’m not stressed anymore.”

“That’s good.” He exhaled as he studied her. “Rossi wants you in the hospital. Do you want to go?”

she shook her head. “No, I want to stay here.”

“But---

he held up his hand, silencing Rossi. “It’s a higher risk, you know that, right?”

“I do, but,” she inhaled sharply. “oh! God, I feel better here!”

“Alright,” she grabbed his hand tightly and he held onto her as she broke his hand. Once the pain passed, he spoke. “you can stay here, alright?” She nodded. “But I have a few conditions.”

She inhaled as she asked. “What are they?”

“First, I’m going have another ambulance and your team standing by in case something goes wrong. Alright?” She nods. “If something goes wrong or Polly and Rossi see a problem, then you will go. I don’t want any arguing with me, do you understand?”

“Yes Tommy.” she nodded as she whispered. “I will.”

He leaned forward and kissed her neck before whispering in her ear. “Good girl.”

She shivered as she said. “I love you, so much. Thank you for listening to me.”

“I’ve got your back. But,” he stated with an exhale. “you’re scaring the f**k out of me right now, you know that right?”

“Yes, I’m sorry.” she nodded. “But, it doesn’t feel like it did with Luna. It doesn’t feel like something’s wrong.”

“And that,” Polly said. “is the most important thing of all. A woman’s natural instinct. She has done this before, Tommy.”
Rossi snorted. “We’ll see. Kate, sit down and I want to take your blood pressure. Then, I want to test your urine, make sure there’s not too much protein---

“She’s fine!” Esmeralda snapped.

“Oi!” He said firmly. “No f**king fighting, you hear me? You three, I don’t give a f**k about what the issue is, but it’s my wife here. You three, figure it out together…but take care of my wife! That is ALL that f**king matters! You hear me?”
the ladies just stared at him and Kate asked. “Will you stay with me?”

he frowned. “What?”

“Please.”

“No.” Polly said as Esmeralda shook her head. “F**king no! Men do not belong in the birthing room!”

“I think it’s progressive.” Rossi said. “Men should be in there, it might make them think twice about what happens when they have irresponsible sex with women!”

Polly snorted. “Christ, do you not know these two. They’re both animals when it comes to each other!” Polly shoots them a look before stating. “Even before they loved each other, they were all over each other. You may have a thorough knowledge of the human body, but you know nothing about the heart. How the way it feels to get so wrapped up in one person that the two of you are almost one body. Probably never even been with a man, so all this is foreign to you. But this…this is something you don’t mess with and I had to learn that the hard way. You’re young, you should figure it out in time.”

“If not, the world is safe from Rossi’s brats.” Kate laughed before letting out a wail as another labor pain hit her. “Hey, I’ve got you. Just breathe through it. It’ll all be fine.”

And this time as he spoke those words, for the first time in months, he actually believed that it was all going to be fine. 

Chapter 159: The final chapter

August, 1939

---

“Wanna spread your f**king legs for me and make another baby?” Kate choked and looked up at her dashingly handsome husband as he got on top of her.

Thomas had the audacity to laugh at her and she shook her head. “You bastard, you’re such a bastard.”

“I know!” he kept laughing at her, which made her laugh as she did indeed part her legs for her husband. He exhaled deeply as he settled between her legs. “F**king hell, you’re perfect, woman.”

“Thank you husband.” She inhaled as he thrust into her. “God,” he paused as he looked down at her. “you always…make me feel like you’re going to rip me open.”

“In a good or a bad way, luv?”

“Good. Always good.” As he leaned forward to kiss her, she murmured. “Put your baby in me Thomas.”

“Oh, I f**king will.”

He would not, because over six months ago, Kate had a hysterectomy, carefully supervised by Doctor Rossi. All it had taken was another pregnancy scare, which had fortunately been false, for Kate to inquire into sterilization. Thomas had been unsure at first, but he and Kate both had to agree that they were completely irresponsible when it came to sex between them. Thomas had tried rubbers, but she was the one who hated them, she hated the feeling of that rubber and she missed him coming inside her. They’d tried being careful, but regardless of their age, they still held a great passion for each other and one forgets things in the heat of passion. 

After the birth of Aran and Gabriella Shelby, life hadn’t slowed for them. The birth had gone without any complications to Rossi’s surprise. Both babies had been born healthy without any complications. Thomas had bought another house in the country, bigger than the one before to accommodate the twins when they grew up. Both children and her were lavishly spoiled after the birth. Thomas already made sure that they wanted for nothing and he was a doting father. All the pain, stress of giving birth had been worth watching Thomas soften as he got to be a father in the real sense. Yes, he had Charlie, but he hadn’t been permitted to be a part of Grace’s pregnancy. So, it was a lovely sight watching him hold the twins when they were cranky and he’d soothe them in Romani. It warmed her heart in a way that she couldn’t describe. The look of wonder on his face when he’d seen Aran come out…that had made her sob. And that expression had only grown when she gave birth to Gabriella. Thomas deserved to be a father after all this time.

Thomas had moved them all away from London after the birth of the twins as he said there was another war coming. Kate didn’t doubt it because of Thomas’s connections, he knew things. He already had told his family buying dried goods such as flour, sugar, rice and spices that would hold up. Their farm had an orchard and Kate had taken up to preserving fruits while Frances helped her watch the twins. Thomas, had been buying up flats of vegetables to put up as well. He’d paid a large fee for Bruno to get some final wheels out of cheese in Italy for Kate, regardless of her having never opened more than half of her original wheels. He built several large storage cellar, enough to hold nearly 2,000 jars of food, lots of dried goods and he preserved meat so none of them would go hungry. Polly, Ada, Arthur and their families were welcome to join if necessary as there was extra room. They had taken his advice, were also storing up on food and canned goods. Michael and Gina were not welcome, but Polly said that he was going to do his duty and sign up when the time came. That was alright with him and he was terrible for hoping that the Germans took care of his problem with Michael. 

Just before the Second World War started, Thomas had given Charlie a job working in his steel factory. Charlie actually liked the work. He’d started at the bottom and Thomas was going to slowly start moving him upwards. But he had a motive that he didn’t share with Charlie. His work in the factory would keep him as an essential worker and he’d hopefully be spared unless he joined up. Kate knew that Thomas was dreading that over everything else. It was in that moment that she understood just how obsessed he’d been about her conceiving an heir. Yes, she’d given him an heir now, but Aran was too young for all the responsibilities that would need to be on his shoulders if something happened to Charlie. 

But he loved all their children, even hers. While her sons kept Luca’s surname, he’d adopted the girls and he was a protective father. Angela had her first date and Thomas had intimidated the boy to the point where he was nearly sobbing his eyes out. Kate had to rescue him, but that boy never called again and Angela had hated him for a few days. But Kate told her that she didn’t want a boy who was scared of her father. She needed someone stronger. It had taken a while for her to understand, but she did. Luna, however, said she was never going to get married and Thomas, while happy, blamed Rossi for Luna’s ideas of independence.

Rossi, however, to Thomas’s dismay, had gotten pregnant by someone and she’d given birth to a girl last week. She never said who the father was and no one knew. She named her daughter after Mrs. Changretta, Audrey Rossi. Thomas had attempted to find out, because he wanted to know which bastard had set the world up to go to hell in a hand basket by procreating with Rossi! Kate thought it was insane, but Thomas was fairly convinced that Rossi was the devil incarnate! Oh, it was so funny watching Thomas and Rossi battle it out. They were always arguing with each other and it was always comical to watch.

“OHH!” Kate cried out as they came together. He was holding tightly onto her, his fingers digging tightly into her waist and hips. He exhaled sharply as she let out a faint laugh. “Oh!” She shakes her head. “Oh…oh, Tommy.” She caressed his face with a shaking hand. “Oh my.”

“All this time, eh?” he asked as he kissed her gently. “And you’re still so f**king good.”

“Well,” she laughed lightly. “you’re not so bad yourself….Tommy Shelby.”

She runs her hand through his graying hair. He exhales and shakes his head. “You keep me young sweetheart.”

She smiled. “Yes, you and those two babies that you managed to put into me are proof of that.” He laughed as he kissed her. “I love you, Tommy Shelby.”

“I love you too.” He kissed her back, placing a few gentle pecks on her lips he withdrew from her and rolled onto his back. She sighed and snuggled into his side. After a few long moments of silence, she asks him. “Where do you think we’ll be, twenty years from now?”

“Don’t know.” She says quietly. “But I know…that you’re going to f**king hate it.”

He laughs and shakes his head. “Yeah, probably so, but…I’ll have you.” She nodded in agreement. “That makes everything so much easier.” 

“Yeah.” She nods. “You drive me crazy sometimes…but dear God I am so happy to have this with you. I’m glad that I can spend the rest of my days with you.”

“Same. I can’t wait to see how the rest of our story unfolds.”

---

Twenty years later, April 1st,1959

---

“I, Aran Shelby, take you, Audrey Rossi, as my lawfully wedded wife.”

“Stop glowering Thomas.” Kate whispered in his ear. "It's a wedding, it's a happy occasion."

"Only because I didn't object to it!" He shot her a look. “Rossi f**king did this on purpose.”

“Shush.” She hissed as he toyed with the wedding ring on her hand. “You’re such a bastard and you know you are.” He snorted and rolled his eyes. Life, was always fascinating. He’d been unprepared for all the drama that raising seven kids would bring.

In spite of Thomas’s attempts to keep Charlie safe, when the Blitz started, he’d gone ahead and signed up. Thomas….she saw the light in his eyes just die and he’d walked out of the room when Charlie told him. She knew Thomas’s fears. He’d lived through a war and the last thing he’d wanted for his firstborn to get killed in his own nightmares. But there was nothing that Thomas could do. He’d stood by and watched s his oldest son got sent off to Africa in time for Second Battle of El Alamein. Thomas had held it together until Charlie was off. The moment Thomas had gotten into the car, he’d broken down and sobbed. She’d never seen him cry like this. He’d gotten misty on occasion, but he’d never broken down and sobbed. She’d held onto him so tight that she was sure that her fingers would break. 

When they got news that Charlie had been wounded in Normandy France on D-Day, Thomas had a big seizure, the biggest seizure he’d had in five years, but he’d managed to come through it. Charlie had been shot twice, his left shoulder and right wrist. He’d lost the use of his right hand. It had taken time for him to get back, but he got back home. When they waited for him to get off the train, there was someone waiting for him at the train station. Judy Baker, the girl that Kate had hired all those Christmases ago. He’d fallen in love with her the moment he’d seen her and he loved her still when he returned from the war. Charlie had seen her standing there in plain gray-blue dress and they’d all vanished. He’d jumped off the train early and gone straight for her before them. They’d all stared as he swept her off feet with one arm and kissed her deeply. None of them had known that they were together until that moment. They’d married 6 months after Charlie had returned. Tommy had given him his old job back in the factory. Charlie had bought a house in London and they were now expecting their second child.

And the Germans did what needed to be done. They shot  and killed Michael. While his heart broke for Polly, Michael needed to die and he’d died in the battle of Crete. Michael’s body was never recovered and Polly was a lot more solemn. His death had torn her apart, but she had so many children to run around her and occupy her thoughts. And Michael did have a son, Laurence, that Gina took back to America. The Gray line would continue through Laurence or so they thought. Laurence, however, was homosexual and he’d moved to France where he lived with his lover as the very progressive French tolerated that kind of thing. Gina refused to speak to him and when Laurence was found dead, Thomas suspected that ‘mommy dearest’ had something to do with it but either way, the Gray line was dead.

Luciano, he’d never adjusted to life in England. When he turned 21, he announced that he was going back to Italy. It had been a bit of a shock for her, but she understood. She signed the villa over to Luciano and he’d moved back to Montepulciano. He’d fixed up the villa and started up the Changretta wine business again. It had been hard work, but Luciano had been up for it. Work had consumed his every thought until he’d met a girl, Bella Giordano and he’d damn near started another war over her. She was engaged and Luciano pursued her boldly and blatantly in public. Her fiancé, Nico, had finally had enough and attacked him, both men got into a big fight which ended with Bella stopping it. When Luciano demanded that she tell him that she didn't love him, she couldn't do it. He’d marched her over to her father’s house and announced that they were getting married. Her father said no and Luciano told him to go f**k himself. Her father had marched her in the house and moved up the wedding. Luciano had Luca’s instinct when it came to matters of the heart but he had Thomas’s impatience. When Bella was walking through the streets towards the church, he was waiting for her. Luciano had popped out of nowhere, taken her to his car and absconded with her to Florence! He’d married her within the hour and only returned after putting a baby into her. They’d been married for 10 years and had six children. Luciano had kept the Changretta name going in more ways than one. He had five sons, his firstborn son was named Luca and Bella was currently pregnant with another baby.

Romero, he wound up following in Thomas’s footsteps by taking over the Shelby Liquor line. He was more than willing to hold onto the Shelby name because he didn’t care. He’d gotten married five years ago, to a sweet girl named Amber and the Changretta name had stopped there as Amber was infertile. But Romero didn’t care, they loved and cared very deeply for each other. Not much was known about her past because she was an orphan and what she did share of her past, she shared with Romero. Kate understood that because she had that kind of relationship with Luca. Amber, was interested in the liquor business so they began building up the line. 

Angela, she’d become an actress on the stage and she was always jumping from one scandal to the next. Thomas’s men had been driven to distraction fighting all the men away from her. Thomas, however, nearly had a heart attack when Angela sashayed home and announced that she’d met the man she was going to marry. Thomas had instantly demanded to know the name of the man, but she refused to say his name, which infuriated Thomas for weeks. Thomas, then put a reward on whoever found out the name of the man she was seeing. No one found out for weeks and then one day a very polite man named Charles Owens showed up at the door. Thomas recognized him as one of the men assigned to guard her. However, he knew him too, because he was Danny Whiz-Bangs oldest son. He’d had Thomas trapped over a barrel, but he’d been forced to admit reluctantly that he was a good choice for Angela. He had Danny’s soft disposition which mellowed out Angel’s craziness. They’d married and Angela retired from the stage after having her third child. However, she could be coaxed out onto the stage again for a good role and an outrageous fee. Surprisingly, she and Charles lived very simply.

Luna, she hadn’t married yet, but Thomas was more than happy with that. While he’d never admit it, Kate knew that Luna was his best girl. Luna resided at home with them and she said she enjoyed it. She wrote one novel, based on their lives and it was #1 for almost a year. Thomas, being the main character, had become rather controversial figure. People either loved him or hated him and his character was widely discussed at parties in depth for hours. With that success, she’d laid down her pen and hadn’t picked it up to write another story again. She had lots of admirers and suitors, but Luna said she hadn’t met the one yet and she was fairly certain that she’d die alone. 

That left Aran and Gabriella. Their final two blessings had the most controversial and dramatic love stories of all their children. Aran, he gave Thomas a mini seizure when he came back home one and said that he was getting married. That had shocked all of them because none of them had any idea Aran was seeing someone! But when Aran said that he was marrying Audrey Rossi, the whole house had been stunned!! Thomas had just hit the ground in pure shock to Kate’s delight. Well, she was concerned first, but when Thomas came out of his seizure, she was delighted. Aran said that he didn’t care, Thomas could protest all he wanted, but he was going to marry her. Doctor Rossi was less than enthused at her daughter’s choice of a husband, but there was really nothing to be done about it.

Then one day…Thomas got a call from Alfie Solomons to meet them at Camden Town! Apparently, last year Alfie’s son, Nathaniel Solomons had decided to legitimize the business and he had. So, Tommy and Kate had gone down to find….Gabriella was Nathaniel’s secretary. What none of them expected to see….was Nathaniel making out with Gabriella on top of his desk and his hand up her skirt! Thomas and Alfie had both lost their minds and Thomas had dragged a crying Gabriella out to the car while Alfie yelled at Nathaniel. Turned out that was Nathaniel and Gabriella’s first time kissing and next thing they knew, Thomas and Alfie had demanded answers as to their relationship. Nathaniel admitted to being interested in Gabriella, who returned his interest. While Thomas and Alfie both hoped and prayed that neither of them would marry, Kate knew that they would. And her assumptions were correction, after six months of courting, Nathaniel had proposed to Gabriella and she’d accepted him. They were getting married next year.

“Wanna f**k?” Kate rolled her eyes and smacked Thomas gently, causing him to chuckle. 

“Really?” She muttered quietly. “You’re nearly seventy.”

“Yeah, you’re not such a spring chicken yourself.” 

“No.” She smiled at him as she whispered. “Nor are you, besides, your heart---

“You’ve always been very good for my heart Kate. Besides, all the kids are nearly out of the house. Just Luna around,” he smiled at her. “and she’s nowhere near us.”

“I’ll think about it.” She says softly as she rested her head on his shoulder with a sigh. 

“You tired luv?”

“Just a little.” She said as she exhaled. “Nearly twenty-five years of marriage… did you ever think this would all be possible?”

“No.” He said quietly. “But you…have always surprised me Kate. Part of the reason why I married you.”

“Hmm, good to know. For a moment I thought you married me for my body.”

He shrugged and then said. “That too.”

Kate shook her head as she muttered. “You old bastard.”

“Always your old bastard.”

She nodded. “Good.”

The priest announced that Aran and Audrey were man and wife, stopping them from kissing and drawing their attention back to the ceremony. The kiss, was somewhat distracting but they’d both been drawn to the priest. He kept looking at them, or, so they thought until Thomas pointed out that he was looking at…Luna. And Luna…was staring right back at the priest…with a look in her eyes that filled them both with dread.

Thomas looked at her as she shook her head. “No. God know.”

“She’ll be the one to kill me.” Thomas said. “Mark my words.” 

“Well,” she exhaled. “I promised you an adventure Tommy Shelby.”

He glowered at her. “That wasn’t the kind of adventure I was thinking on! He’s a f**king priest!”

“Thomas, shut up, kiss me and let’s go to the party. Tomorrow’s another day and you can cry about it tomorrow.”

He did just that. The fact that their daughter was going to cause a priest to leave the church would be another chapter that they’d read together in the far future. But who cared? They’d had twenty-five years together, they were grandparents and as long as they were together, who cared for the madness that the future held? After all, he was a man who said that he hadn't wanted a simple life and life was anything but simple.

Chapter 160: Bonus!

While writing 'Pretty when I cry', I nearly had Kate 'cheat' on Tommy with Luca. But, I deleted the scene thinking that it'd reveal too many clues as to his identity. Not to mention all the team Kate and Tommy readers would have had a meltdown if she'd done this with Luca. (Even if Tommy deserved it!)

However, as the book is finished, there's no reason for me not to share the deleted chapter, as I couldn't make myself get rid of it!

Enjoy! Especially the Team Luca readers who didn't get enough moments with Luca and Kate.

---

A loud cheer from the house and the sound of fireworks caused them to both look up. He let out a sound. “Ah, midnight.”

“Everyone’s supposed to be unmasked by now.” She murmured quietly.

“Yeah.” He nods as he reaches for his mask.

“Leave it on, please.” She requested, and he glanced at her. “If anyone asks me who you were, I want to be able to say honestly that I don’t know, because I couldn’t see your face.”

He looks amused. “You don’t lie?”

She inhaled. “I have a hard time hiding my face. Even with a mask, they’d know I’m lying.”

After a few moments of silence and watching the fireworks, he glanced at his watch. He exhaled. “I have to go.”

She hated to admit it, but her heart was sad to see him go. She nodded as she stood up. “I should go too. I’ll be missed.”

“Hey,” he said gently as he stepped towards her. Surprisingly, she wasn’t scared of him, even with the mask on. He reached out and gently ran the back of his hand down her cheek. As she’s suspected, his touch was gentle. “Remember this, your husband is a fool. You’re a beautiful woman, and any man would be glad to have you.” She let out a short laugh, unable to stop it. His eyes narrowed slightly. “I can see that you’ve been hurt. I don’t know to what extent…but you deserve better.” Her heart softened somehow. “I hope one day, you realise it and leave that bastard.”

God, he had no idea how much she wanted that. But she knew that the moment she left Thomas and his protection, Sabini would be after her. She inhaled as she croaked. “I can’t.”

“Not now,” he said, his voice a low rasp. “One day, you will. Passerotta.”

Somehow, the distance between them had closed. She swallowed as she asked. “What does that---

'Mean' would have been the final word on her lips had he not kissed her right there. Kate wasn’t stunned, frightened or scared. For some reason, she’d known that it was going to happen. She closed her eyes and accepted the gentle, yet undemanding kiss. Well, it had started off gentle, but it somehow became so full of something that Kate found herself clinging to him without fear. His hat had fallen to the ground, and she was shamelessly kissing him back. This kiss…she couldn’t describe it. There was something beautiful about it, something beautiful about him. His hands – they were so soft, tender and gentle. His lips...God, if he weren't a stranger, she could have sworn that he cared for her. She'd never been kissed like this before, and she wanted him in a way she hadn't wanted any man.

Even Thomas.

This man, he was so gentle with her. She let out a soft sound as his lips gently explored hers. He murmured against her lips as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him. She wasn’t aware of his erection. Yet. But the way these kisses were gently blossoming into a vibrant flame, she knew that things were going to become intense. She didn’t know what it was about tonight. Maybe it was because she saw her husband f**k another woman in their house and then invite her over to humiliate her. Maybe it was because she hadn’t been touched, kissed or held in so long. No, that wasn’t true. Thomas kissed, held, touched her and did all kinds of things to her. This was different. She was wanted. She could feel it in his touch as his hand traced her face. He wasn’t being pushy or demanding like other men had been. His kisses were gentle and seeking as he kept kissing her. It was almost as if he were tasting her for consent.

Which he had. She didn’t realise it until that moment, but he had it.

She inhaled as he broke the kiss and looked at her. He was trembling slightly, and she found herself unable to look away from those green eyes of his as she whispered. “I want you.” His fingers tightened on her back for a moment. “For one night…someone actually thinks I’m beautiful and wants me.”

He inhaled and asked. “Are you sure?” She nodded. “I know that you’ve been hurt.”

“I don’t think you can.” She said quietly. “I don’t think you can lift a finger to hurt a fly.”

“I could.” He said quietly.

She shook her head as she said. “I’ve known what bad men are. I’ve felt it. I’ve seen it. Those men…you’re not.”

“I can’t hurt you.” He said quietly. “God, you’re so beautiful that I can’t understand why anyone would want to hurt you.”

“Many do.” She said softly as tears trickled down her cheeks. “Please. Give me something for one night.”

“As you wish.” He exhaled as he asked. “Has your husband ever pleasured you?” She frowned. “With his tongue?”

She shook her head. “N-no.”

Perché ti sei sposata con un bastardo del genere?  He asked hotly.

She jumped a little. “W-what?”

“I said,” he inhaled. “Why did you marry such a bastard?”

THAT hurt her already aching heart. She inhaled as she confessed. “I had no choice."

And that was true. She’d never thought about it before. She’d been forced to marry Thomas and forced to lie in his bed. This was different. She was intrigued, she was curious, and…she wanted this. At least, she thought she did. She couldn’t remember the last time a man had looked at her this way, much less actually wanted her! He didn’t feel…dirty, the way she’d felt at times with Thomas. At times, Thomas was just so anxious to get between her legs that her feelings and emotions were forgotten. He murmured some more in Italian before dropping to his knees before her. She frowned, not understanding what he was doing but wanting to feel whatever it was. He inhaled as he drew her skirt sideways. Even in the dark, he’d spotted the slit, and he drew her skirt up to her waist. By God, the way he looked at her made her flush so hotly that the devil must have been questioning if hell had started on earth. He pressed a kiss to her thigh, causing her to gasp.

“May I touch you, Carina?” He asked, causing tears to start in her eyes. “May I pleasure you?”

She nodded as she whimpered. “Yes. Please,” he pressed another kiss to her thighs before drawing her underwear down her legs. God! She was warm and wet! He’d only kissed her! She needed foreplay with Thomas, but not with whoever he was.

He exhaled as he said. “Hold onto me, Carina.”

She only nodded before waking up!! She was awake, or at least she thought she’d been. Then, she got an electric shock to the brain, and her world exploded in an array of colours, forcing her to hold onto him. It wasn’t the fireworks. Oh, no. No firework could burn bright enough to shock her the way that this man’s tongue did! She’d never…felt such a thing! He was preparing her with his tongue. She’d never felt this before! All the other men, Thomas included, were more concerned with their ‘pleasure’ while she took whatever they bestowed on her! This man, he was different. He barely knew her! He didn’t even know her name, but he still knew how to treat her with the utmost respect, affection and tenderness!

That realisation made her start crying softly. She’d never felt anything like this before, and she’d only have this for one night. However, her tears dried up as this man brought her to orgasm so quickly that she was almost convinced that he was of the devil. No one had been able to get her body to this point so quickly and so easily! She grasped hold of his hair, letting out a sharp cry as she had an orgasm. It was unlike one she’d ever felt before. It was so strong that she nearly dropped to her knees. But he didn’t let her go! He held her, steadily drinking her in while his tongue continued dancing and exploring inside her!

She was whimpering and gasping when he finally finished sampling her as one would examine an exotic fruit. It was then he let her ‘fall’ to the ground. But he’d never let her fall. He guided her to the ground and got on top of her. She wasn’t aware of him, not completely. His scent of oranges washed over her when he captured her mouth with his. She couldn’t resist him. She wanted to be loved. She wanted a man to treasure her to the point that he worshipped the ground she walked on; this was as close as she could get. He was so kind and gentle! She couldn’t believe that a man like him existed!

“God, you’re so beautiful.” He murmured against her mouth. “Like a goddess.”

She shook her head as she whispered. “I-I’m not.”

“You are.” He said as he ran his hand through her hair. “My God, you’re so beautiful that I do not understand why your husband would have an affair with anyone else!!” He caressed her face gently. “You’re beautiful. So beautiful that if you were mine, I’d never look at another woman!” Her heart stopped at his words. “There is no other woman on the face of this earth who could ever compare to you!”

She believed him. If it had been any other man saying that to her, it would certainly be an angle to get between her legs, but she believed him. She spread her legs for him and kissed him deeply. She was burning up. Not with a fire, but something was welling up inside her and taking her over. Need. She needed to be loved, held, treasured and treated like a woman and not an object for one day in her life. 

She felt him against her entrance and froze. Of course she did. She was so weak and pathetic. She whimpered as she glanced down at his cock. He was large, probably as large as Thomas if not a bit longer. She inhaled uneasily as he tilted her chin up to look back up at him. She tried to think of something to say but couldn’t.

He did. “I will not harm you. You’ve been hurt enough.”

God. Why did he say such beautiful things? He leaned forward and kissed her, gently distracting her from the moment he slipped inside her. She reached up and caressed his face, following the sharp, angular contours of his face. She gasped out as she felt him inside of her. He felt…different from Thomas and all the other vile creatures who’d forced themselves and other objects on her. He felt…nice. He filled her perfectly, and there was no pain. She wasn’t hurting, and the tension between them was there, and it was reciprocated. Thomas, she realised it now; it was just her body that he wanted. Not her. This man wanted her, but he wanted to make her happy and feel beautiful. Thomas simply f**ked her and made it feel good. But this…it was almost intimate.

Once he was buried inside her, he broke the kiss and asked. “Are you alright?”

She nodded. “Si.”

He smiled broadly at her. “Are you sure?”

“Very.”

He ran a finger down her cheek, exhaling gently. “May I make love to you?”

“Yes.” She started crying as she said. “Y-you’d be the first not to just f**k me like a whore.”

“You’re a goddess.” He said as he drew the neck of her dress down to reveal her shoulder better to him. “Always a goddess to me.”

He buried his mouth in her neck, and she gasped as if stabbed! She’d NEVER reacted to a man’s touch before. Thomas had worked forever to find which spots sparked arousal for sex, but he never kept stimulating her during sex. God! Why was she thinking about Thomas when this man was inside her? She shook Thomas out of her head and let this gorgeous Italian make love to her as the fireworks shone down on them.

He was so very attentive to her. His hands roved her body as if she were unmarked and unblemished. When he pulled the front of her blouse down to reveal her breasts, she was grateful for the night sky so he couldn’t see her scars. If he did, she doubted that he’d have still found her attractive. He murmured something in Italian before focusing on her breasts while moving inside her. He was amazing! No wonder Italians were praised as the greatest lovers. She’d thought that had all been a lie until tonight. He was.

Suddenly, he yanked his mask off and threw it on the ground. He gently grabbed her neck and maintained eye contact with her as he said. “I want to see you fully when you come for me.” She nodded as he asked. “Want me to stay---

“Yes!” She begged as she clutched his shoulders so tightly that she swore that she felt his shoulder seam give way. “Please!!”

“Hold onto me, Carina.”

He kissed her before thrusting into her right as he broke her. She gasped against his mouth. He broke the kiss and maintained eye contact with her as she came. He found his release with her in sync, and they came together. She let out a cry that was muffled by the boom of a firework. His seed filled and flooded her womb. God, she’d never wanted to get pregnant before until this actual moment, but she did. For a moment, they lay there in each other’s arms, simply holding and admiring each other. He resumed kissing her and touching her, his arms making sure that she was still feeling treasured. She wanted to say 'loved', but that was an impossible thought. This couldn’t be love, but it felt too beautiful to be anything else.

After a moment he said. “I have some business to take care of. It’ll take me a few months to complete.” She nodded. “When it does…I’m coming back for you.”

She shook her head. “My husband won’t allow it.”

“He sounds like a prick who wants money.” He said quietly. “You’ve been starved of love, affection and freedom. I can feel that. I’ll bargain to get you free.”

She inhaled before asking. “So, I can come to you instead?”

“No.” He shook his head. “That wouldn’t be freedom for you, going from one man to another. I’d be around, but… I wouldn’t hold you to me unless you wanted me to.”

That made her eyes water again. “Thank you.” All was silent, which alerted her to the fact that the show was over. “They’ll be looking for me.”

He nodded. “And my driver is looking for me.” He carefully pulled out of her and drew her skirt down around her waist. He smiled at her as they righted their clothes. He got to his feet first and helped her up. “There you go.”

“Grazie.”

“Kate?” They jumped at the sound of Thomas’s voice. “Where the f**k are you?”

She turned to him and handed him his mask. “You have to go! Now! He will kill you.”

“Will he hurt you?” He demanded firmly. “And do not lie!”

“He won’t!” She assured him. “He’ll yell at me, but I’m fine. I swear it!”

He exhales and grabs his hat. “Alright, my name is----

“Go!” She begged. “Please! Don’t tell me! Just go!”

And he did. He jumped onto the bench but grabbed hold of her and gave her one last kiss that made her head spin! She held onto him, wanting this moment to last forever.

“Kate!!” She broke the kiss and turned…to see Thomas staring at them, anger on his face. Her mystery man used that moment to vault over the top of the maze and escape. He landed on the other side with a grunt. Thomas advanced furiously towards her. She could tell from the look on his face that he’d seen the mysterious man, but not enough to identify him. “Who the f**k,” Thomas demanded. “Was that it?”

“I-I don’t know.” She said honestly.

“Don’t you f**king lie to me!” He snapped at her. “I saw him f**king kiss you!”

“Well,” she got off the bench and moved back towards the house, stopping to pick up her underwear. “Good thing you didn’t arrive ten minutes early; otherwise, you’d have seen more than kissing.”

By impulse, she turned and flung her underwear in his face, which he caught. He looked down and realised what she’d done. His face went red. “You didn’t.”

“Oh, I did!” She stated. “And he was good! He was f**king better than you ever were!”

She turned and walked out of the maze, waiting for him to explode. “You…f**king…whore!!”

“That’s Lzzie.” She stated. “Not me. Besides, if you’re going to go around f**king whores, I see no reason why I can’t let a man, not a spoilt little boy, between my legs and be given actuall pleasure for once.”

“You don’t know what f**king pleasure is!”

She turned towards him and smiled. “He got down on his knees for me.” His face froze. “I know what pleasure is. You just f**k me.”

Thomas stared at her. “You actually…let that f**ker touch you?”

“I let him see me naked.” She stated, causing his jaw to drop. “Something you’ll never see as long as you live!”

“Get back in the house!” He half-exploded. “You’ve been missing for a while, and people have noticed.”

“Well, considering how you brought your mistress to the party, I don’t see why you’d even care!” She snapped as she stomped past him.

“Don’t you f**king walk away from me!” She ignored him. “Who the hell was that?”

“I didn’t ask his name; he didn’t ask my name.” She stated simply. “I didn’t even see his face because I asked him to keep his mask on because I didn’t want you to threaten him or anything.”

“I will find out, Kate, and I will kill him.” She ignored him, and they walked in silence until they reached the end, or rather the beginning, of the maze. Thomas started to walk towards the house; she turned and headed for the servants' entrance. He exhaled and growled. “f**king hell, Kate, we have guests.”

“No, you have guests.” She stated as she kept walking. He grabbed her elbow, and she shouted in his face. “Get your f**king whore to entertain them!”

That caused him to grow angry. A few guests were standing outside, so they heard what she said. “Kate----

“I told you, no family events ever!” She jerked free of him. “Get Lizzie out of here, or I swear to God, I’ll really make a scene!”

He exhaled and released her. “Alright. I’ll get rid of Lizzie.”

She gripped her skirt and said. “I’ll be down in the kitchen. Send Mrs Hughes as soon as she’s gone. I don’t want to be seen in your company.”

He shot her a look as he nodded. “Alright!” He stomped off towards the house as she headed towards the kitchen entrance.

When she entered, she nearly bumped into the chef. “Ah, mi scusi,” he said apologetically. “I was just taking a break.”

“It’s alright,” she assured him. “All the food was amazing. You did a good job.”

He smiled appreciatively at her. “Ah, thank you.”

She started to go inside, but she decided to ask him. “You’re Italian, right?” He nods. “Do you know what…passerotta means?”

“Ah,” he nods. “It means ‘little sparrow’, but with feelings.”

Kate smiled as she nodded. “Thank you.”

She was unable to keep a smile off her face for the rest of the evening, and the glower on Thomas’s face for the rest of the evening was a calming balm to her heart. And she didn’t care. For a few moments, someone had wanted her because of who she was. Not because of her money or to offer her protection, but because he’d genuinely been attracted to her. It had been a long time since a man had been attracted to her. While he said that he'd be back for her, she doubted that he'd actually follow through with it. However, it was nice to think that a man was so infatuated with her that he'd come back for her. 

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 20 of Kate & Tommy
• Part 3 of Lana Del Rey inspired