Work Text:
Creak...
Creak...
High pitched sounds wailing into the night can be heard. A body lying in the bed, tossing and turning, what could it be?
Before the horrendous sound could continue, the boy wakes up drenched in sweat. Another night filled with nightmares, the boy thought.
'It seems i will not be sleeping again', he let out a sigh. Groaning from his unfortunate predicament, he then switched to a more comfortable position. 'If I'm going to be awake all night, i might as well be comfortable with it', he thought to himself.
Hours passed by and he still couldn't sleep. No matter how much he tries to, he just couldn't seem to do it. Minutes passed or maybe hours, he couldn't tell anymore.
'...1021 sheep....1022 she-', his thought process broken from the sound of his clock ticking.
He looked up and checked his phone, 12:00 am it said.
'It's only 12:00 am?! If this continues, i might actually go insane!', he groaned in despair. He then sat up from his lying position. Thinking of ways to finally put his mind at rest. But alas, his traitorous mind finds its way back to the problem. Blue.
'Blue, my first and last love. The reason why my heart still continues to beat. The hope and change to my boring and dying world...ah if only...if only you could feel the same way...' As his mind continues to wander off, despair once again fills him.
'...If only my nightmares were real then I could've given you the treatment you deserved to have. Filled with the joys of love, holding hands together as we talk about inane things that happened in our lives, wandering hands caressing your body as it admires how beautifully shaped you are, kissing you to the point that's only what you will know, endless affections running through our veins as we dance endlessly into the moonlight...maybe If I was not me then maybe he will reciprocate my feelings...', before he could further escalate his despairing thoughts, he stopped himself.
'You already promised your friend you will stop hating yourself. But it is so hard! Everything about me is so mediocre compared to everything else!', he shouted in his mind, so full of hate for themselves.
'Ahhh if only life was truly forgiving. I keep on hoping that this will finally turn out to be great but alas, i shouldn't have raised my expectations when i already knew the outcome. It hurts all over again, the pain from loving you. Pain is all i could feel right now. Nothing helps anymore no matter how much effort i try to find a way out. These days all i could ever do is just lay down in bed and cry. I am sick from doing it everyday, imagining scenarios and what if's that could've happened....maybe, just maybe....I should've ended it while i was still not in love with you'
Breaking the silence, a sob could be heard. Shining through the dark, tears began to form in his eyes. It slowly but surely trickles through his face.
'No! I mustn't!' No matter how hard he tries to convince himself, he cries, again.
Even when he knows he really shouldn't. He wished he was too tired to even cry anymore. Just trying to think about it makes him sob harder.
'Again and again...you're always the same Leo, you never change...'
'Why can't I be like the others?! So quick to move on, maybe there is truly something wrong with me?'
'...why....why...why must I always cry, why must I always feel hurt just by thinking of you...I am so sick of crying...'
Leo, the now identified boy can be seen shivering as he cries. His thoughts spiraling further and further, he can no longer stop it.
Pain and suffering is my only constant.
My friend in these dark times. One day, maybe he will finally be able to forget his feelings for him. But today is not that day, unfortunately. Exhaustion is finally hitting him, only one last thing remains in his mind.
'I wished I never loved you', his last thought echoed as he drifted to sleep, passed out from exhaustion.